#<- even tho its under a cut! its long if u wanna read it all the way thru

[lollipopliccer]

𝔄 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔣𝔢𝔩𝔱 𝔰𝔪𝔦𝔩𝔢 ❦

❦ warning lollipop chaos ahead! proceed with caution… ❦ light angst , happy ending , ex getō suguru , tattoo artist suguru , set in a tattoo parlour , soft dom geto , praise , cunnilingus , masochism , light sadism & impact play , ig semi public and i guessss office sex

the descriptions of this tattoo experience is not accurate, i dunno shit abt tattoos (even tho i rlly wanna get one). so don't bite my fucking dick off with the technicalities! lets just b happy that i acc posted this hehehe

word count ; 5k ish

black fem reader (still all can read)

lollipopliccer’s love letter ❦ … hiiiii lollipops 🪷 i just wanted to say thank u sm for the love on my debut fic i rlly appreciated it. i’m rlly excited for y’all to read this new one EEEEE. this one was also long as helllll (¬_¬), shit has just been ridiculous in my life rn so sorry abt the delay, i don’t even know y it took me this long just to write 5k ugh anywayyy. i’m excited, cus i always eat up geto tattoo artist head-cannons, mmmm they’re just so mm mm mm tasty. anyway this is my first time writing some angst, i usually stay clear away from any typa angst, i’ve already got enough of that in my life plss haahaa, i don’t even know what possessed me to dip my toe in it, but don’t worry it’s very light. okayy enough of the babble, pls enjoy my fic, and i’d appreciate all ur interaction, reposts, comments, feedback blah blah… mwah mwah mwah ( ੭ ˘ ³˘)੭‎°｡⋆��‧₊˚

'i'm so excitteedddd' you squeal, as your best friend nobara parks her car, beside the tattoo parlor. you both had been planning your tattoos together for a few weeks now settling on the most beautiful matching heart design on both your bikini lines, whilst individually having unique patterns going through the (tatted) hearts.

"you better not fucking scream when you're actually under the gun" nobara chastises laughing.

"fuck you bitch, you already know i'm bad like that, not even gonna flinch" you taunt, as you both get out of her car.

you decided on wearing a fitted, short black dress, that accentuated your curves and hips but would also be easily manoeuvrable for your tattoo placement. shoko Ieiri your tattoo artist made sure you were comfortable with your design and placement.

underneath your dress, you wore bikini bottoms with side ties, for the same reasons as the dress - paired with some white trainers with pink embellishments. you complete your outfit with jewellery. including your pandora bracelet with silver and pink charms, a necklace, and stud earrings.

you both walk into the parlour, it's decorated all over its dark blue walls with a myriad of paintings, sketches, and different artworks. nobara leads you to the front desk as she had booked the appointment. you're greeted by a raven-haired girl with a short pixie cut.

"hey, are you guys here for your appointment?" she asks, as you notice her name tag- 'maki', and her tattoos and scars peeking through her top.

"yeah, um we had an appointment for 6:30 pm" nobara states, you can see her start to blush at maki.

"cool, yeah i'll check that out for you, umm..." maki responds

nobara so obviously interested in maki, decides to flirt, while you absent-mindedly look at the artwork placed across the shop. it's truly captivating, the deep dark hues and colours, so beautifully drawn, depicting what you could only describe as demons. they were more abstract than the stereotypical depiction, but these works somehow gave more meaning and conveyed more torment.

"so how long have you been working here, maki right?" nobara asks

"yeah, i started some months ago."

"that's cool, i love your tats”

“thank you, i um did some of em myself, nobara right?” maki responds getting nobara’s name from the booked appointment slot

“yeah…” nobara smiles shyly

“…are those your sketches up there? nobara asks, pointing to one of the sketches you've been staring at, there's a familiarity to the work displayed. but you can't put your finger on it.

"no um that's actually from another tattoo artist's, geto." maki answers.

you almost freeze, just from the mention of his name "who?!"

"uhh geto suguru, he owns the place, his artwork is all over these walls" maki responds to you.

a shiver runs up your spine "oh..."

"on that note, i'm sorry for the inconvenience girls, but shoko, your tattooist she had to take our other colleague gojo to the hospital- broke his arm doing some dumb shit. so she won't be able to actually give you your tattoo’s today, however we're able to swap her in for geto suguru, he just got back into town and is just as talented"

"shit" nobara turns to you, already knowing the issue from just his name alone, "yn i had no idea omg, i should've checked better, we can leave"

"nah there'll be no need for that, right yn?" you hear his voice. his silky deep voice, it always had that raspy quality that made your knees go weak. another shiver runs down your spine. you whip around.

"why tf are you here?" you sneer.

"uhh i work here…" he answers deadpan.

you turn back around, after giving him a lethal sneer, "hey um maki is there any other artist today?"

"no, i'm sorry, everyone else is booked." she apologises

"and anyway, it'll be a hassle for you guys if you were to reschedule," geto states

you simply stare at nobara refusing to even glance at him.

"come on yn" geto insists gently, leaning closer to you. your back to him. your name on his lips has you reeling, how softly he calls to you, like no other.

nobara waits for what you want to do, and if you're comfortable being tattooed by your ex in such an intimate area?

"let's get this done", you tell nobara, you turn around to face geto who has that enticing smirk.

as you follow him to his workspace, nobara hangs back reassured that you're comfortable being with your ex. you get the chance to truly take him in since last you saw him. his tattoo’s have grown, as he's painted a whole-sleeved dragon across his left arm, slithering out of his tight-fitted black t. your eyes roam all over his body, soaking in his confident stride, his height, taller than you remember. the way he ties part of his black, luscious hair in the bun is similar but different from the way you remember, leaving the rest of his hair to hang past his shoulders. but his right-hand tattoo is as you remember. a rose’s stem covered in thorns, wrapped around his hand, you can't help but still have your heart swell from that.

as he opens the door for you, you strut past him in silence, he of course responds with an eye roll to your petulance. his workspace is decorated with more of his works, some unfinished, yet so mesmerising you can't look away from them, they seem to depict a greater depth, too intimate for the outer world. the deep hues of dark royal blues, blacks, and green meld together, casting an otherworldly aura. the demons here have this eerie elegance, their features subtly tormenting, evoking such sorrows.

"if you're not comfortable with me tattooing you, we don't have to, i will let you reschedule free of charge-" "i know." you state, without hesitation. and with that, the silence returns as geto smiles slightly, he then grabs his equipment, lining them up, his needle gun, ink, etc.

"why did you insist on me not rescheduling then?" you taunt

"i wouldn't say i instisted" geto defends.

"mmm really? cus i'd even say you implored" you smirk. seeing you smile… he wonders how he could’ve forgotten how magnetic it is.

"i just wanted to see you…”

a pause.

"you broke up with me." you interrupt coldly, both of you are reminded of your separation...

… you begged him to stay. the pain you felt completely consumed you, leaving you empty…

geto holds your gaze. your eyes filled with anger, but also longing. you try to conceal your feelings by turning around.

"yn..." he calls out to you, but you ignore him, seemingly too entranced by a random splotch on the wall, while trying to hold it all in "...yn look at me", geto approached.

you turned around slowly. almost stubbornly, you made sure to look him in his eyes, those deep dark orbs that never failed to suck you into a world of intensity and sensitivity. you both hold each other's gaze, so much said between each other, longing, and regret.

"i am sorry yn, i-" in his attempt to express his apology, you immediately stride past to sit on the tattoo bed, too overwhelmed.

"-right so like from a scale of 1-10, 10 being i'm gonna need to b fucking sedated, how painful is this tat going to be" you ramble, trying to divert the conversation.

you ignore his sigh, as he walks to his chair. he then chooses to focus on preparing his equipment, sterilising them, all that shit. "the tattoo shouldn't be that painful, especially as you requested numbing cream."

"cool" you respond curtly, you follow his actions on focusing on the task at hand, and lift up the side of your dress, to expose the side you were getting tatted on.

when geto looks back he sees your pink bikini bottoms with string ties, he looks away trying to keep his composure "just want you to give me an idea where you want your heart and thorns”.

you clear your throat a little, to try and calm your nerves, “um just around here, i trust your um artistic inclinations. have some freedom with it, i know its kinda simple but i um- the thorns i want them to wrap around, please.”

“of course, yn”

geto trying his best to make this experience as comfortable as possible begins applying the numbing cream. he looks you in your eyes, to see if there were any remaining apprehensions, finding none, the gun comes to life.

“you tell me how you’re feeling throughout this process, if anything feels off with what i am doing, you tell me, do you understand?” geto instructs, his firmness, and apprehension to cause you any unnecessary harm stirs things in you. things you’ve tried repressing, tried to move on from, evidently unsuccessfully.

you nod in response adding a “yes”. and so begins the process, as geto brings needle to skin, his art begins to mark you. the initial twitch of pain you feel is subdued by the numbing cream generously applied. although you can’t help the slight yelp that falls from your lips, which geto catches onto and immediately soothes “shhh it’s okay, the cream will kick in soon won’t feel a thing hun”. his words soothe you, as they always used to, leading you to simply whimper in slight pain. you can’t help but look at him, at how he’s completely focused on your brown skin, that he marks by his hands.

…

as the hours go on, you slowly see geto’s work, his art come together, the red hues of the heart mixing together with slight pinks but also contrasted shades of black, to provide it with such depth, teasing the later depictions of darkness the thorns will add. you are in complete awe of this man, of his work, as you watch him work completely zoned in, despite any dull pain mumbling under the numbing cream.

as your focus lays on him- memories, old feelings of pain, sadness, and confusion begin to bubble again, and you blurt…

“why did you leave?”

a pause…

followed by silence… your demand for answers hanging over you both, while he still remains focused on your tattoo, you remain waiting. you know he heard you.

“i found myself in darkness again, yn, but that time it was even more challenging.. my hallucinations, my night terrors all came back, i was in it deep…” he pauses trying to find his words, and you give him that space “… i knew you were there for me, holding me when i woke up screaming. you stood by me…” he paused

“…however i couldn’t let you do that, i couldn’t bring you there with me. not when i couldn’t wear a heartfelt smile in this world. i needed to find myself again, my purpose. and i know the way i left you, was cold, and confusing, and i am truly sorry, but i had to do it for myself.” as you listen attentively, watching him intently, he slowly gazes at you, pausing his work. your eyes meet with such intensity, such ache, and you start welling up, finally understanding everything, no longer being left with nothing but a cold departure.

“i’m sorry- m’so- ‘m so so sorry geto” tears cascade down your face, geto is quick to wipe them away, softly holding your precious face.

“sshh, ssh baby, don’t be silly mmm, you did nothing wrong, and i’ve been doing better. so much better. finding new channels to express how i feel, what i see.” referring to the intricate art that decorated his walls.

you sniffle, you feel so guilty and ashamed, for the resentment you harboured against him when he was out there trying to fight his way out of such a dark mental space. “they’re beautiful.” you sniffle

“not a day goes by that i don’t think about you, that i don’t regret the way i left. i would’ve come back but i thought you would move on...”

“i didn’t.” you respond

“neither did i.”

with your admissions to one another, a comforting silence fell, filling the room with sweet serenity, and you both found yourselves tethered together once again, holding each other’s gaze, filled with yearning.

you were the first to break, averting your gaze, feeling like it was the first time meeting, how your butterflies bloomed and fluttered, riddled with carnal hunger for him. the paradox of your feelings for him always consumed you, almost driving you mad, only geto could set you so ablaze.

the needle resumed its course, mechanically piercing your skin. both your attentions returned to their original positions.

the only difference being the shift in the atmosphere, the reignition of your feelings for one another, but this time at a tenfold from the time spent apart, wanting no other.

“ahh it’s getting a little sore geto” you whine in slight pain

“sorry yn, we’re moving onto the thorns now, we’ll soon be done, why don’t you take a look at it for me, tell if you don’t like anything?”

as he wipes over the completed heart, filled with colours and dimensions, so deep and beautiful, truly depicting more than you could imagine, it’s medium-sized maintaining a slight cuteness to the art, but still depicts chaos within, which geto clearly understood about you, and so was best to depict it.

“i love it.” you squeal, looking into his eyes, as he looks for reassurance from you. his vibrant smile brightens his face, you hadn’t seen it in so long, and it warmed you.

“good, we’re going to move to the thorns, wrapped down your thigh, why don’t you tell me about your choice of thrones?” geto asked so he could understand your thought process behind the tattoo.

you were apprehensive to reveal your thorns, largely from a place of embarrassment. you didn’t want to show how much he had affected you, and still did, but you did not want to lie to him especially after, he revealed himself so intimately to you.

the thorns, um, i got them from you…” geto halts at this, looking at you in slight confusion “they stemmed from me just wanting to have a piece of you still with me, something that i remembered, that reminded me of you… the thorns, the ones you have on your rose.” in explaining, you feel bold enough to touch the inked rose on his right hand, grazing your fingers over the thorns

suguru can hardly conceal his feelings. “i missed you.” geto states. his dark, sleek eyes told you how he burned for you.

“i missed you too suguru.” you whisper. your feelings flood your body, making you tingly- his intensity holds you in place. you’re both focussed on one another, suguru begins to smile feeling the warmth of your fingers touching him so delicately.

"lets continue your tattoo, i don't wanna fuck it up" suguru states, slowly bringing his hand away from your touch, even though he wanted nothing more than to let you touch him all over. to feel how those pretty acrylics, decorated in bows and charms along his skin, but he didn't want to mess this up, he wanted to tattoo you perfectly.

"okay" you respond, almost dissapointedly. wanting to feel him under your fingertips. you'd settle for now to feel his hands on your thighs, holding them to get his angles right, you were beginning to realise that you wanted more than just to stroke his hand. you want him to mark you all over, with more than just his needle gun.

"you've gotta try and stay still for me yn, i know it hurts, but it'll be over soon" suguru soothed, as his eyes narrowed around the curves of your thighs, the way they flexed and trembled slightly as you whimpered due to the numbed pain.

"okay... can i hold onto you?" you ask. he responds with a nod. you grip his arm, wanting to feel tethered- you don't remember him being so well-built, his biceps feel thick and powerful, almost hard to the touch as he flexes per his movements.

...

you're now a few hours into the tattoo, suguru’s taking his time, to add such beautiful details. the tension between the two of you is palpable, but the air is no longer filled with animosity, but rather intimacy. knowing you though, and how impatient you are suguru already sees it coming when you-

"sug i'm fucking borreeddd" the numbing cream obviously doing its job to reduce the pain to something dismissible, suguru chuckles finding your impatience so familial and adorable.

"it's barely been two hours" suguru forever sassy, remarks, rolling his eyes at ur moodiness. "now stay still, you're messin up my work." suguru states, you huff and bite your tongue, as you don’t want to fuck up his flow, you already know he works best when he’s zoned-in on a task.

you decide to catch up with him, your curiosity building, you've both missed so much from each other's lives. "i like your parlour. i would've bet money you'd turn your art into tattoos, you were too talented to let your art hide in your sketches"

suguru smiles again, "yeah? it was either this or burning down the town", he jokes and makes you both laugh, due to the absurdity. however, you both knew, there was some truth to it, which honestly added to your laughs

"right, of course committing arson, and potential mass murder is an obvious alternative." you sarcastically quip

"what you don't agree, i know you're not much better at keeping your chaos in check," he teases, his eyes locking onto yours.

you feel yourself flush, feeling seen- so you try staying on track to your original plan to catch up with him, "when did you open this place?"

"well actually gojo was the one who invested in my passion"

"that's so sweet"

"yeah, he's a fucking asshole, always all up in my business," he remarks, with a small smile, feigning annoyance. you can feel the fondness behind his words.

you notice how suguru smiles, how he teases, just like he used to, & still has that assertive and confident allure to him, that natural dominance and assuredness in himself, that he almost lost. your conversation with one another continued, bantering off one another. you make each other laugh and snicker and your heart can’t help but swell.

...

your feelings for him set aflame once again. this time with a ferocity you could barely contain. only heightened by the dull pain that he controlled with his needle, marking you so prettily. the assured control suguru had over your body was so seductive, it made places other than your tatted thigh, start to ache, start to ache so badly.

finally, geto lays the finishing touches on your tattoo, clearing up the intricate lines, adding shadings and highlights, and then wiping over the tattoo.

"okay, it's done. you can go check it in the mirror, let me know if you hate it." geto keeping his gaze low somewhat anxious to see your reaction.

as you approach the full-body mirror attached to the opposite wall, you couldn't possibly understand his apprehension because when you lay eyes on your tattoo, you are completely awestruck. you fall completely in love with his markings, the way the thorns pierce through the heart and sliver down your left hip, and thigh, wrapping them gorgeously.

you are lost for words, your lips part with a gasp, and when you bring your eyes up onto suguru through the mirror, you see how he watches you. following from your thighs decorated in his work, marking your body so seductively. then he focuses on how your dress is bunched up on those hips, those hips he’s held, and soothed over for hours today, but his mind wanders... reminiscing about all those times he used to handle and caress all over your plump thighs. how he would mould your body any way he pleased.

he watched as you held the undone ties of your pretty bikini bottoms, it made him salivate. his eyes cast over your dress- the way it hugged your body so exquisitely, propping up your boobs so prettily. the way your butt peaks out of the bunched-up dress, and how your breathing picked up, flustered from his heated gaze.

"i love it sug." you whisper softly.

"yeah?" he smirks. growing bolder, he walks up to you, and you don’t dare avert your eyes from his, through the mirror. you love the way his top hugs his thick muscular shoulders. his broad upper back being so beautifully emphasised, and how his sculpted chest has his nipple piercings teasing through his top. you salivate at his slim waist. ugh he's such a slut. you love the way his body is perfectly decorated in his art, marking his skin; and adorning his arms, and his neck, which is wrapped with a chain, you remember gifting him.

when he reaches you, he has to crouch down, flexing his strong thighs and calves hidden under his baggy bottoms, but you still have to look up at him to maintain eye contact, which he demands with his own. suguru holds the bottom of your thigh just under where the tattoo ends.

"how does it feel?" he whispers into your ear, his sharp gaze still honed on you

you whimper faintly because of the dull sting and ache from the tat

"a little sore sug, but it feels good, i really like it." you say softly while you lean into him, wanting to be wrapped in his body, his warmth.

he smiles at your admission "that's good yn, i'm going to wrap it up now, don't want it getting infected." you love the way he says your name, the way he purrs, your name rolls off his tongue so tenderly.

as he wraps the tattoo you wince, he immediately soothes you, "i've got you baby, it's okay." your body relaxes in response. your eyes never leave each other. as the tension shifts you feel enthralled, wanting him to touch you all over.

"yn, do you want me to play with you?" suguru asks, having that condescending tone that never failed to make you falter. you almost shy away, but he holds your face, bringing his hand up under your chin, his fingers grip your cheeks slightly, making you look directly at him “i want to play with you, i want to help you forgive me baby...” he whispers into your ear. your breath becoming more uneven and flustered from his proximity, that you can practically taste his aroma, how he mixes his scents of minty, smoky notes and cinnamon, woody undertones - it intoxicates you.

“…do you want me to?”

geto waits for your response, not daring to touch you the way he wants, without knowing you’re aching for it. and you want nothing more than that, for him to take care of you how he once did, oh how you wanted to see if he still remembered how to make you cum so blissfully. you nod giving out a soft “please”.

suguru kisses the side of your head, sprinkling kisses down your face making you giggle and fawn, till he reaches your neck and you lose your breath. geto finds the sensitive parts on your neck, making you feel so tingly, it's almost ticklish. you almost forgot how much you loved when suguru kissed and licked across your neck, how he would bite and suckle, leaving you all marked up just how he liked. god he’d go fucking crazy for it too. to hear you whine and pant below him as he licked and sucked. it sent tingles all over your body, straight to your clit. you shuddered under him, leaning onto him- to give him better access to mark you. slowly he grips your hips grinding his bulge into you, he even bends you forward a little so that you can feel him, how hard he is for you- humping into you over your clothed body.

geto held you at an angle arched while both of you stood in front of the mirror so that he could have you grind right back onto his dick that was growing so achingly hard for you. the way he moved your bodies together was so disgustingly sensual, you had to look away moaning as you felt his clothed dick thrust into you, giving you that sensation you so craved. you were whining, you felt so depraved like you hadn’t been touched like this in so long- you just wanted him to rip you the fuck open.

“mmm nah baby look at yourself in the mirror…” he demanded, to which you stubbornly ignored, forcing suguru to grab your face so that you could look at how pathetically you had come undone for him, just from his dry humping. “… i said fucking look at yourself, mmm? you lost your manners baby?” he teases knowing exactly how to fix your attitude. he ends his command by giving your thigh (without the tattoo) a firm slap, making you cry out, you quickly try stifling it, remembering you’re still in his fucking workspace.

“you’re so mean” you whine and pout up at him, which makes him chuckle at you, his smirk unfurling so lewdly.

“i’m going to make it up to you mmm? you’ll let me make you feel good baby? gotta apologise for making my baby upset.” the way he talks to you feigning that concern, his fucking tone, makes you feel weak, and pliant for him. as you move your legs a little wider, and let go of your tied bikini bottoms so they hang down barely concealing a thing. geto watches how strings of your arousal are built up, clinging onto your pretty bottoms. showing him just how wet you are for him and you push your butt into him even more, nodding your head in invitation for him to remedy all the mess he’s made.

as suguru brings his rose-covered hand down to your aching pussy ready to soothe it. once he touches her, feeling your glistening folds, he hisses as his eyes glaze over, and lower so seductively. you see the way his hand flexes and his veins protrude. his long, adept fingers dip further, caressing and rubbing against your hard little clit. he can feel it pulse for him, making you whine as suguru increases the pressure of his fingers on your clit. circling around your throbbing bundle of nerves. his fingers collect the slick past your lips, down to your spasming, weeping hole, and brings them back to your needy nub.

his tight circles, pet your pretty clit so well, turning you into a mewling mess, you can’t help but move against and around his fingers, acting so bratty- but suguru couldn't give a shit, he'll mould you right where he needs you again holding you by your neck and continuing his strokes on that clit regardless of how you whine.

"sug- aaa-" such a petulant whine leaves your supple lips, begging for him to go further into your leaking hole, you needed him to be inside you, having your pussy drool on his pretty, tatted fingers.

"i know baby, you need it don't you? you need me to fuck you open mmm?" suguru whispers in your ear, kissing the outside of your earlobe so delicately, while saying such filthy things. you look at him through the mirror nodding your head so pathetically, and why would he deny you, his baby? nah never...

suguru brings his finger back down to your desperate hole. he eases around your pussy going around the edges of her, only dipping the tip of his finger. you can't take his teasing-

"sugu! stop teasin-" suguru immediately interrupts, plunging his fingers into you, making you gasp. he slipped into your soppy pussy giving off that mind-numbing squelching sound, having your pussy suck his fingers in so snuggly, has you moaning wantonly. the way suguru’s digits fill you, he’s able to add a finger, scissoring two fingers into your weeping cunt, the way he pushes in and curls his fingers to rub against your plush walls it has you mewling. as you feel him find and rub against that spot, that perfect spongey spot so easily, your eyes roll back. suguru was losing his mind, he rasped a soft moan right into your ear, he loved watching you buck on his fingers, the way you moaned and struggled to take him, it made him itch and drool to have you.

his fingers in your pussy stroking and pumping into your soft, wet pussy. his hand around your neck holding your face up to keep your eyes on everything he was doing. his deep, velvety voice right by your ear, whispering, and moaning sweet nothings. you were losing your fucking mind, you almost couldn't handle it.

"aaa- nngg, sug- sug!," you moaned shamelessly "f-ohfuck i can't-"

"sshh baby, tf you think you're doing mmm, whining like that in my office?" suguru whispers chastising you. your eyes look up at him, and the way you looked so doe-eyed, so pathetic- barely able to hold in your moans, gripped him.

"you struggling to take it for me baby, want me stop?" geto taunts, but you instantly shake your head needing him all over you.

“no please don’t stop sug”

"you can take what i give you princess?"

"i need you uhahh" you wanted him to have you however he pleased.

the way he moves has you humping and panting, you wine on him trying to get some friction against your slutty little cunt.

your moans grow louder and the pitch of your whines grow higher- you suck on your pretty fingers to try and get yourself quiet, your eyes glazing over as you watch suguru fuck you so good with his fingers and his hard bulge pushing up into you. the way he licks and bites all over your neck leaving a trail of his marks. suguru still never averts his dark eyes from yours. the purple glints in his eyes kind of sparkle in your head. all of it is bringing you right to the edge. your eyes roll back, your thighs shake, your knees buckle from the pleasure. so pliant and easy for him to manoeuvre you so he can hold you up and fuck you in just the right angles he needs, that he demands.

“fuckfuckfuc- aahh ohhhh sugie. daddy oh mmynghh” you whine and cry, your head lolling onto his shoulder.

right on the precipice of your orgasm, suguru watches how you get so close to cumming, he’s fucking salivating seeing how you become so undone, how you’ve gone fucking dumb on just his fingers, he can’t help but moan and groan right with you.

“mmm mmfuck, mine. mine.” he purrs, licking all up on you

but all too soon, it comes to a halt, and your orgasm gets snatched away from you. suguru wickedly decides to take his fingers out of you. you almost cry

“wha- no suguru fuck no don’t stop, mmmmnoo” you whine so pathetically gripping his arm, it’s fucking laughable trying to keep his fingers right where you needed them, gripping his sculpted arms so hard. your hands… the size difference makes him smile. no not smile, he’s fucking smirking. that little shit.

“fuck you, SUG HMPH!” you practically stomp your feet, pushing him away as you’re about to walk away, but of course suguru grips you against him, pulling you back so close, you are still as stubborn as ever refusing to look at him, while you’re face to face, which makes him snicker. he isn’t having any of that bullshit tho, he grabs your chin and cheeks squeezing as a warning. he pulls your face up to him again and kisses you on your forehead, the side of your head, and your cheek, and then he ghosts his plump, nude lips over your lips.

“if i decide you don’t get to cum on my fingers, you won’t. i don’t fucking care how close you are.” suguru states, locking his eyes with yours so intensely, while his lips and breath feel so close to your own, you almost feel faint. you want nothing more than for him to just kiss you, you want to feel his lips again, oh how you miss how soft they were, how you loved the taste of his mouth, the taste of the mint with his own unique feel.

suguru’s eyes flutter down to look at your lips so lushly plump and glossed he can’t help but lick his lips. he wants nothing more than to mess up your brown and pink lip combo. to bite, suck and lick all over you.

“tell me you understand.”

“i understand daddy, m’sorry i threw a tantrum, i just wanted to cum on your fingers so bad-”

suguru smiles feeling fucking delighted from your admission

“-can you please kiss me, i promise i’ll behave sugie” you whisper almost whining at the end, you rub your thighs together feeling how you made such a mess for him, as your slick trickles down your thighs.

suguru feeling so pleased with you, groans into your mouth, once your lips touch. he almost forgot how much he missed this. how much he missed you, your lips, those soft lips that melted against his. he loved the way you gasped and whined from your slow kiss, so sensual and intimate. but he knew you were such an impatient brat, his impatient princess.

demanding more, you lace your hands into his hair. you adored his long, luscious hair so much, (that you remember countless times joking about shaving it off at night and turning it into a wig. those playful moments would always have you both bickering and laughing together. it makes your heart swell remembering this).

you begged for more by stroking and tugging at the nape of his hair, making his body tingle, as suguru moaned into your kiss. he licked on your lips to get you to open up for him. he loves the way you whine and moan from frustration and neediness while running your fingers through his hair, it made him lose his fucking mind, so, of course, he had to express that by nipping at your bottom lip. his bite made you whimper and grind up against him but it wasn’t enough. you needed more. you wanted more. but suguru leads the kiss to hold that slow, deep and sensual pace, having your tongues dance together, lick against each other unhurried. which was mind-blowing but also so frustrating you wanted to just devour him, you couldn't get enough.

you moaned into his mouth as suguru sucked on your bottom lip, and then went back to your tongue, licking against each other. he spat in your mouth briefly separating your mouths from one another, and immediately resuming the kiss. at this, you snapped. whining wantonly, you gripped onto him and stubbornly clambered onto him so your legs wrapped around his waist. suguru was easily able to carry you. you were determined to make him fuck you.

“daddy” you whisper, opening your eyes to pout up at him.

“yes baby?” suguru answers, giving little kisses along your chin down to your neck. sucking onto your sensitive neck areas, he knew just the right spots to make you lose your fucking mind.

“i want you to fuck me…” you say grinding down onto the bulge you could feel through his sweats. you were sure you could feel a wet spot on them, but you weren’t quite sure of the culprit, as your wet pussy dragged and humped on his dick print leaking with pre-cum. you could feel his throbbing dick just aching to be inside you, pumping you full of his cum. suguru hissed from the feeling of your mess teasing his aching cock.

“… please baby, please fuck me again, i said i’d be good” you whined, moving closer to his ears so only he could hear how desperate you were for him. suguru moans, his voice breaks and rasps a little from you grinding on him and circling over his dick.

suguru fucking snaps, he closes his eyes while his mouth slightly hangs open, just taking in how your hips wined on him while he carried you.

he then cupped your face to him, “you’re such a fucking brat.” he moans, holding your face and caressing your throat, he watches how your breathing picks up, as you get so flustered. he brings you close, kissing you on your forearm, bringing his hand around your neck. then he carries you to his tattoo bed.

“i am not going to fuck you yn-.”

“-but su!” you begin to whine interrupting him

“be quiet.” suguru reprimands, gripping your neck just a little tighter after placing you to sit on the edge of the seat “i’m not gonna fuck you on my dick. when i have you like that, it’s gonna be on my bed, where i can have you screaming on it without any fucking interruptions. do whatever the fuck i wanna do without you getting all shy on me tryna muffle those pretty moans from me mmm, you understand baby?”

“yeah daddy” you answer feeling so giddy and light with him

“there’s my princess,” he smirks, “you’re really that fucking needy, want my dick here, right where my colleagues are downstairs mmm?” he says before kissing you again. “good girl” he praises while lifting off your dress and quickly bringing his lips back onto yours. slowly he brings you to lay back. he gets in between your thighs lifting one up over his shoulder while letting your tatted thigh rest over the edge of the bed. from this angle he could see your pretty glistening pussy, clenching around nothing.

“lay back baby.” he instructs, he sees how you wait in anticipation for him laying back on the bed.

he crouches down, kneeling in front of your exposed pussy, your slick brown lips he’s completely hypnotised by, they glisten from your wetness. you grow a little shy, you weren’t prepared to be eaten out today (૮꒰⸝⸝> <⸝⸝꒱ა). you bring down your hands to try and cover her up, feeling a little embarrassed.

suguru immediately dismissing your nonsense, and swats your hand away bringing them to instead hold your plush thighs “don’t piss me off today yn, it’s fucking mine.” you almost squeal in response to suguru, he gets so intense sometimes.

suguru is completely enchanted by your scent, the way your hole quivers and weeps for him he has to have a taste. keeping his eyes on you suguru takes the time to separate your folds with his fingers, he licks your swollen nub revelling in the way you gasp and twitch from the sensation, you feel so sensitive from the way his fingers had you shacking.

he then delves in, lapping and sucking on your bud making you writhe and moan from pleasure. the movement of his tongue has such an effect on your pussy, it's marvelling. he takes his time, really getting you sensitive, flattening his tongue on your clit and then straightening it to add pressure, circling perfectly around your bundle of nerves, it makes you gasp and arch your back so prettily

“fuck! sug-daddy aaaahhh” you release a raspy cry, gripping his hair and pulling him into you to, so you can grind on his face, which makes him moan into you, muffling a-

“fuck baby” into your wet pussy, he has to hold your hips down as you begin moving around too much for him to control, so he holds your thigh and places his other arm on your hip, pushing you down, so you stay fucking still for him to play with you properly. suguru brings his tongue down to your leaking hole, thrusting his pointed tongue into your pussy making you mewl and cover your mouth to stop yourself from squealing.

the way you’re panting and moaning, suguru can tell you're going dumb for him, aching to cum all over him. he takes his mouth off of you as your moans get higher. you whine from the absence of his tongue on your needy pussy but he makes up for it by spitting on her, letting his spit slide onto your sensitive cunt. the way his spit glistens and slides down your pussy, he pushes it back into your hole, thrusting his fingers and spit back into you. you react by clutching your thighs together from the sensitivity which makes suguru look at you sharply.

“open.”

you whine, separating your thighs, so he can dip his head back down onto your clit which makes you shudder, bucking your hips into his face. he continues thrusting his fingers into you while his tongue plays and toys with your sore little clit. you can feel everything, it's all so much, your eyes roll back as your mouth hangs open letting out a broken moan while you tug at suguru’s hair.

the way his fingers scissor your folds open, cunt drooling and sucking him in greedily, while he laps and lightly nips on your clit letting his spit drool on you, just for him to suck on your juices. he eats so sloppily it has your eyes watering.

“s’good sug—so fuckin’ good,” hips grinding into the movement of his lengthy fingers, chasing that ecstasy knotting in the pits of your stomach, you’re so close you start seeing white, suguru knows you’re about to cum from the way your fingers tangle and tug at his hair, struggling to either push him closer or away from you. his dark piercing gaze never leaves your face.

“daddy m’gonna cum! shit hah aa sug please lemme cum oh please” you sob, which makes suguru groan into your pussy. feeling the way your hole clenches around his fingers, leaking out so much wetness. the way your hard clit throbs for him, your juices covering, adorning his beautiful face, he looks so pussy drunk. the only thing on his mind is making you cum all over him.

“mmm baby, you gonna cum for me.. that’s my good fucking girl” he says pumping his fingers into you while moving his other hand to circle your clit in tight circles, so he can talk you through your orgasm.

“oh fuck daddy! oh my godnngh” your hands immediately grip suguru’s hands as you squeal and moan wantonly. your body arches and bucks as you dig your nails into him leaving little crescents on his skin. your vision dots, as your body tenses, lips parting into a silent scream as your release flies through you, wetting the tattoo bed. suguru watches your cream flow beneath you, all over his mouth. he pushes your juices back into your leaking hole, drooling at the way your hole squelches.

“there’s my good girl, oh you did so good baby mmmm” he praises lapping at your excess juices spilling down, you’re so fucking sensitive it hurts

“sug-ahh it hurts, fuckk” you whine, purring up at him as you watch suguru’s desire envelop you, you can tell he’s not done with you, but you doubt you could even take anymore.

suguru slithers up to you, kissing and licking up your boobs, making you squirm. when he reaches you he holds your face so gently, mere inches away from you.

“you forgive me baby?” suguru whispers gently stroking his nose against yours, almost purring against you like a cat “mmmm?” he purrs stroking the side of your face and caressing your limp exhausted body. you feel so warm against him, so lewd and yet so protected.

“i forgive you, you’re such an asshole” you giggle feeling a little shy again, only suguru was able to make you shy, and flush so easily. suguru whispers back a thank you and captures your lips into a searing kiss, melting you both together so passionately. you clutch onto the nape of his neck and run your fingers through his hair, earning you a moan, as suguru’s tongue dances with yours sensually. he grips your hips, pulling you against him. you can feel his bulge pulsing for you-

“suguru, aye we’re back! and u’ve got another appointment waiting!” you both hear from downstairs at the reception, shoko calling out to suguru followed by gojo following suit making a ruckus, throwing a tantrum about his arm

“dudeee, where tf r u? i coulda died!” gojo shouts out. you can hear him coming up the stairs to suguru’s office

“mmm fuck suguru, they’re coming up” you gasp up to suguru who still refuses to take notice of them. he smirks, choosing to still feel all up on you

“mmmm don’t care c’mere” suguru states, you roll your eyes

“suguruuu c’mon” you smirk, pushing against him

“ugghh for fucksake” suguru huffs moving off of you, taking your hand and pulling you up to him making you yelp with excitement. you both come to your senses though when you hear gojo’s footsteps up the stairs getting close, both of you scrambling to put your dress back on and get you both presentable.

suguru then holds your chin, so you both look at each other

“what?” you nervously laugh at his intense look

“let me take you out yn? i’ve missed you so much baby” suguru pleads while stroking the side of your cheek with his thumb

“mmmm i dunno sug, dependdss on where you’re gonna take me” you smirk up at him

“let me worry about that baby, i wanna treat you, try and make it up to you” suguru implores and then kisses your forehead just as gojo barges in-

“sUgUruUuu!!”

♡ ༺｡° .ᘛ𓆩♡𓆪ᘚ. ° ｡༻

[muzanswaifu]

Ive seen a lot of people confuse me leaving for “people being mean to writers” or getting hate for the things i write of how i write them but its not

But Im not leaving just bc of the audience, i can handle some hate and honestly it was kinda fun from them bc ik that hate comes from jealousy and trolling

Im leaving because of other writers and my “friends”

Ik i said i would get into it and i really dont want to all that much bcuz im tired and just wanna be done with this but it feels wrong to leave under a false assumption and let people think their actions dont have consequences

Ive dealt with a lot from my peers on here, back talking, hating, straight up bullying, and i just cant anymore

I cant deal with drama irl AND on the internet, bcuz at the end of the day i can just delete everything on here and be done with it all so thats wat im gonna do

Tbh this has been building up for a while, i can only handle so much from “friends” and irl i cut people off pretty quick and on here should be no exception but ive fucked up and let people do watever too long and its bitten me in the ass

Yes ik im dramatic lol, ive gotten that a lot and a lot of people hate me for, a lot of people love me for it, its how i am and it keeps things interesting. I get it, i like to make a lot of call out posts. Y? Bc people deserve to be called out and idgaf ab appearances on here. If someone did something bad, im gonna call them out bc last i checked its my blog and i can do wat i want. If u wouldnt do it, thats fine, its ur decision, and this is mine

Yes, i dont post a lot, I. Am. Busy. I have work. I have school. I have a social life. I cant write smut all the time even tho i want to, and at the end of the day, its not my job to write smut all day so people can read it and move on. I like to interact with yall, its fun, i like to talk to a lot of different people on her since my irl friends arent really into anime. Apparently people think im a loser for that? Ok? Sorry i like to talk to people on the internet when im bored instead of producing smut all day for people to read, ig i shouldve remembered im only on here to provide content since i dont deserve to have some fun, my mistake

Requests? Requests r a generosity. So many of my requesters have been absolute angels with being patient in receiving their requests, happy to just see me writing or interacting at all. Others have hounded me regularly telling me im lazy and selfish for not completing my requests, saying im an asshole for not completing them over my own projects bc “they asked first”. LMAO, U WRITE IT THEN???? i dont owe anything to anyone, certainly not someone who comes here solely to read my fics, not even leaving any interaction or encouragement whatsoever, then leave.

The icing on the cake? The tip of the iceburg? Discord of all places. Im sorry some of u didnt enjoy my server, i really am. Ive never used discord before and me and the mods did the best we could and im sorry i couldnt be as attentive to it due to my busy schedule

Im sorry i couldnt get there in time to stop conflicts or just straight up call people out, and im sorry someone had to make another server since they didnt like how i was handling mine bc i didnt take their side in a fight that THEY WERE WRONG IN? But i tried to be nice, tried to defend her and nicely explain y she was she cant say anything they want in any situation bc people get hurt. but it didnt matter. Y? Bc apparently i cant tell people what they can and cant say…

And that made me realize something! Theyre right! Theyre absolutely right and im so stupid for not seeing it until now! I cant stop people from saying things to me. I cant stop people from talking shit ab me. I cant stop people from even saying things on my own blog and server! I just cant. Bcuz in the end, people r gonna say what they want and do what they want bc people dont wanna learn. They dont wanna talk. They dont wanna hear ab how what they do or say affects others. They just wanna do what the want when the want, and they wanna be allowed to, bc fuck everybody else. Everybody is the victim in their own story, and i deserve to be the victim in mine.

And what would a victim do in this situation?

Leave.

[zuureleena]

i drew the mercs, miss pauling, admin, and my tf2 oc on the plane to uni 😭

i did all of these a week ago and completely forgot to post them HAJAHAH miss p, the admin, and a rlly simplified ver of my tf2 oc miss lynn!! (zoey lynn hehe + js rambles abt her) under the cut

IM ACTUALLY REWORKING HER DESIGN RNNNN bcs i made her on the sims 4 LMAO and realised how much better and concise she looked, but i really wanna try and make her look like someone you'd js see irl? sooOOo tryna make her also recognisable from silhouette alone and blahablahblah tho she isn't the kind of character that would rlly make too much of a difference in the tf2 universe

i js wanted to make a loveable character LMAO who'd have more of an impact on the relationships and kinda the story?

i liked the idea of miss p having an extroverted bestfriend who's also her wingwoman bcs miss pauling is obvs an awkward lesbian mess who needs help in the love department, and vice versa bcs zoey is into scout and miss pauling is js so glad to have him move on n realise that they r better as friends!! and that he needs to be with someone who isn't annoyed by him 24/7 (IM SORRY, LWNAKS MY SELF-INSERTEDNESS GOT IN THE WAY HAHAHAHA I CANT HELP IT) also, i haven't rlly thought of any orientation for zoey... i'm thinking of her js being a het woman or js whatever u wanna interpret her as!! cuz her sexuality isn't a core thing abt her

she's an absolute harbinger of chaos who'd do anyt for money and some company (this girl has been hella lonely n stressed out of her mind and i'll explain why in an oc post🤭🤭) and even tho she never outright admits it, she does enjoy the freedom of violence she gets to have as a mann co assistant 😭 (which will ALSO make sense when i explain her background to u guys later on)

and bcs of her long experience w shady bosses and asshole customers she's had to deal within all the jobs she's had, she catches onto the administrator's whole thing with the australium fairly early into the job, but she's in tooooo deep now and is like "damn. do i get myself out of this fucked up job (that i am fucked up enough to actually enjoy) or do i stay bcs i literally have everything i've ever wanted....shit." like,, she did say she'd do anyt for money but at the cost of what 😭 [also MAN i wish we got that final comic so i can js make zoey's suspicions make sense??!?@ but in a way it js works bcs it's js this massive mystery that we don't even know of ourselves???? so likeee, im js assuming its smth rlly dangerous or smth bcs helen literally goes to the most insane lengths to get australium and finish off her final... thingy.. that uh DEBT is it... i forgot what she called it BUT WHATEVER BUSINESS SHE HAD TO ATTEND TO B4 SHE DIED QOABJASH]

OH AND YEAH, zoey hates how bossy the admin is and is an ass abt it at times, and the admin wants zoey gone so badly bcs shes an annoying little shit (which she is and honestly, her and scout can be annoying shits tgt <3) but miss p always convinces her to keep zoey BAGAHAHA and they do get things done much faster w zoey there sooOoOOo 🌝🤭

i mean she does try to kill both miss p & l anyway but still, she can't deny that they r both good at what they do

BWOSBQJS BYE I DONT THINK ANYONE IS GONNA READ THIS AHAGAH BUT THANK YOU IF U DID 😭 I HAVE SM ABT ZOEY AND I RLLY WANT HER TO BE LOVEABLE AUGHWGS

[wildfangz]

Lil (long) simblr gratitude day post

I wanted to make a post shouting out some of my favorite creators, storytellers, and just general simmers from over the last year, mainly focused on ts4 since that's where my attention has been the most. Long post ahead so it's going under a cut. If you're not tagged please know I did wake up late today so it's not as complete of a list as I wanted it to be!!

@adelarsims - You are an essential in my mods folder!! I love how much realism and/or character your cc adds to sims, from things like the piercing holes to the wonky glasses to the mechanic overlay... Just so many little things that I can't imagine not having in my game or on certain characters now. Speaking of characters, your sims both original and premade are always so gorgeous, and I really enjoy your interpretations of wg and jeb. & Thank you for being WCIF friendly, I know it takes time to get that info but it's so appreciated, u've help me find some very beloved pieces of CC. Also the level of dedication u have to organizing your mods folder is incredible and you've inspired me a lot to get my folder's act together finally!! Which is SUCH a QoL improvement

@bearphase - I adore the bright legacy and I admire all the little details and effort you put into your posts, like fixing clipping issues, making icons and templates for custom careers or story events, ur creativity really shines through. You've also reminded me how fun NSB can be and inspired me to get back to it and my human enough gameplay and I can't thank u for that enough, it's got me sooo excited for future simming endeavors

@daisydezem - You've been a welcome addition on my dash back since POSE, which was a fantastic first community experience for me and so much fun, & I love your gameplay & love how much work u put into rainbowsin! (I adore Venus so much btw!!) I hope you're healing well and that u have a lovely new year!!

@divinedionym - CLAIRE!!! I was SO happy to see you dipping your toes back in the community I missed you on my dash! and while I adored ur vatores and their story and ur an incredible storyteller, I'm glad you've been able to pivot into something more enjoyable for u. I hope you have lots of fun in the coming year and I can't wait to see what Aspen gets up to… or into… especially with his vampire BF. Aside from that idk if you'll ever wanna run another sims server, but I did want to give you a late shoutout and props for that bc I know from experience it can be difficult and I really loved how you ran yours! I could just be an anxious bitch but I feel like its so hard to find comfortable servers.... and esp the storytellers one was so cozy and helpful, and ur management of it was *chefs kiss* I've also really enjoyed it every time we've talked, tho I'm sorry I'm so shy 😭😭

@earthmoonz - LONG TIME MUTUAL ALERT ….. ur sims are always so gorgeous. Love the Devereauxs and... Max and Lena… WOO. I support womens and nonbinary rights. and wrongs. Wifey has been SO good and I'm pumped to see where the rest of the story goes. U have a natural talent for storytelling and I really appreciate how much care u put into your characters. Everyone read wifey today rn

@hauntedtrait - Another mutual I enjoy every time I see you on my dash!! Your Lilith is drop dead gorgeous but honestly so many of your sims are. I love ur premade makeovers and Dakota is sooo pretty I'm obsessed. I can't wait 2 see who he ends up with! :]

@horusmenhosetix - I love seeing u on my dash and every time we've talked has been so lovely!! There's been so many times you've made me want to jump back into my projects for ts2 or even go back to ts3 once I have the space to download it. I love your s2cc and god ur sims …. its been a year but I still smile whenever I think about the vatore siblings you shared jhskfdh they're so perfect its got me inspired to throw together an s4 save whenever I get my mods folder sorted. & I'm so excited to go thru ur downloads tag and fill that baby UP with ur stuff next time I work on that !!!!!!!!

@myshunosun - One of my favorite CC creators, pretty sure my folder has all of your stuff in it bc I couldn't help myself. Always impressed with the quality and I love the variety. Thank u for sharing such incredible work with us!

@nucrests - I downloaded a lot of ur cc more recently but MY BOYS!!! U'VE CLOTHED MY BOYS!!! You make such good quality content and I'm always a huge fan of those that help me give my male sims some flair and style, thank u! :')

@oshinsimblr - Long 1 incoming... While I've never been a sims 4 hater, like a lot of people I've still struggled with the gameplay aspect of this iteration, so it's been really inspiring to watch how you go about your game and immerse yourself in it, see all the care you put into your sims. I have to thank you for the videos you've made on it, like the one on how to make sims you connect to, season 1 of Lovesick where you went basically vanilla with the specific intent to show people how much you can do with imagination and what that looks like in gameplay! It's been literally game-changing for me lol and helped me to have more fun with my saves, even if they're not one of the rare few that starts out off the rails, I get more enjoyment playing it out until things do start happening outside of my control. & YOUR CC RECS!! I've downloaded so many of the mods you've recommended and I love how much they fill out the game. On the topic of Lovesick, I have not been able 2 get enough!! I'm so hooked lmao. Watching this series has really taken me back to the days when I was a teen reading like those particularly juicy drama-filled sims 3 stories you can't help but to keep clicking "next page" on, except Lovesick is so solid writing-wise. SO excited to see where Lizbeth is going in her life!!

@simandy - Your hairs have been an essential in my CAS folder for so long, and I've been so impressed with the evolution of your creations over the years. I've always liked your work but GODDAMN the quality always blows me away these days!! & I really, really adore and appreciate the variety! @squea - ANOTHER SORT OF LONG ONE BUT ... Your sims just POP!!! SO much character, and your edits and art r phenomenal. Corn is one of my favorite little digital guys I've had the pleasure of experiencing on line in all my years in the sims community reading stories and gameplay. If Cornelius has a million fans I am one of them. If Cornelius has ten fans I am one of them. If Cornelius has no fans I am no longer on the earth. If world against Cornelius, I am against the world. So on and so forth TBH you've also helped me have a lot more fun with the sims 4 talking about how you enjoy your game, and have a healthier mindset about my place in the community and connect back with the reason I made this blog in the first place, which was just to have fun and archive something I love, regardless of whether it got any attention or not! I started going MIA a bit post 2019 after really getting involved in the community, for Life Happens reasons, and naturally the lack of consistent posting for a while meant less eyes on whatever I came back to share. For a while I let that discourage me esp when a lot of effort was put into something, but after you posted about just genuinely enjoying ur game and loving what you made regardless of notes it made me realize what I was doing and helped me get back to that state of mind. Now whatever I make gets to matter simply because it matters to me, even if I post it at like 3am bc I'm so excited and no one ever sees it bc of that DHKDHKHSD. & I feel like I have u to thank for that!! U turned da lightbulb on

@thefoxburyinstitute - I could not make a gratitude post without forgetting to include the foxbury institute!! I've been messing around more with making CC the last couple of months and your blog has been so incredibly helpful, and I highly recommend everyone interested in creating or just wanting to maintenance and mend their mods folder a bit check them out!

@tricoufamily - YOUR RENDERS ARE SO GORGEOUSSS and I love your take on the Villareals. I never ran into the original story so I'm really excited tbh to see whats up ur sleeve... also I love everything you've shared about two headed lamb so far, so eerie and offputting in the best way. Also everyone read this is the fall here

@void-imp I know we just followed each other a few days ago but ur trio is SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!! I love Jab's design so much and I rlly enjoy what I've read about aleksey so far. :-)

@warwickroyals - Ok so first off your clothing is a STAPLE in my folder for my more wealthy and/or fashion-oriented sims! And as for the Warwick Legacy? One of my absolute favorite simblr stories I've read. I still remember when I started it, it was pretty late at night so I was just planning on reading a handful of posts and then picking it back up the next day. That did not happen I could not stop. Straight up stayed up the entire night bingeing all the way to the latest post (which was the Big Phillip Thing. I had to get up from my computer to pace I was having a Moment LOL) I've got some catching up to do but so far I think that's been my favorite arc. Aside from that your editing is beautiful, and I've always been a character enjoyer so I'm in love with how much thought you've put into all of yours, and the fact we get to learn so much about them. I think you do a really good job of balancing the cast and I really dig your storytelling style in general.

@whimsyalien I know u post moreso on twitter but since u ARE technically also on simblr... I just wanna say I love the polaris legacy and thank you so much for all the poses and templates you share!!!

@windbrook THANK YOU for making so many fantastic builds and for sharing your saves, it's one of my absolute favorites. Also all the original sims u post are so striking, and ur cartoon-ish makeovers were so much fun!! Loving the recent builds/world pics u shared as well, and looking forward to whatever you create whether its in sims 4 or a previous game in the series!

@yooniesim Your cc is a more recent addition to my folder but there's so many things you've made and I'm sure will make that are essentials there now, like the teeth and body hair and god that necklace set for men is a necessity, but outside of that I love a lot of the other CAS CC you make you have some of the cutest hairs and I really adore the accessories! Thank you also for speaking out on certain issues within the community.

Finally,

To My Followers: thank u all for sticking with me even as I've been a biiit flaky over the years. My healths doing a lot better tho and I have so much passion for the game and I'm so excited for what I have to share with u all next, and I hope it can brighten ur dash up a bit, pull the heartstrings when appropriate, etc!! I also have a lil milestone coming up so im planning on doing some sim requests soon as a thank you when that hits. c:

[mitcheechee]

Hey, new follower here! (I'm actually in the wrong account so please don't mind me being anonymous!) I really love your art and I mainly wanted to say that your art and style is amazing and beautiful! Secondarily, do you have any tutorials or tips on drawing bodies, hands and I noticed you do blood? I understand if you'd rather not answer that; if so just only the first half! Love your art! Thanks for existing (if that makes sense)❤️

wah... first i just wanna say tysm!!! youre so sweet 😭

i unfortunately dont have any tutorials or anything made already and i dont really want to make any as of right now because i feel like i have a long way to go in terms of learning how to properly draw a lot of things. since i don't know what im doing id feel really lousy putting out a tutorial when i dont even have a lot of the basics down yet...

im gonna blab under the cut about tips (not really tips on drawing bodies themselves as a guideline, but what has helped me practice and thus allowed me to get better at drawing bodies in my own art), so u dont have to read all that if it doesnt interest u! but regardless thank u again for being so sweet!!! sorry i couldnt give u what u wanted.. maybe one day... 😭

again this is just how i practice, but its GENUINELY helped me get so much better.

all i can say as far as tips is to definitely practice with references as much as u can, it really will help u improve. i know people often dont like that advice too much but its really true... every time i use references to practice for a bit i can tell it helps me, and looking back at older art i know its true. i dont often use guidelines (i really need to...), or at least not in the sense that i do in most of the guides i see so i feel like i cant give much else in terms of advice tho, other than that.

anyway, its one thing to just use a reference, but really trying to get it down and learn it (learn the body, anatomy, how to draw it all) so u carry that knowledge on is sorta different, for me

what has helped me to really learn is this method of practice where i

draw a reference photo based off what i see

trace the photo

overlay both my trace and the first drawing i made

go back and choose key points on the photo/trace where i was very off and mark them as a little dot/line and then try to fix the original sketch with those dots/lines to match the photo (look below to understand what i mean LOL sorry)

try and draw it again from scratch based on what i see visually

and for number 4, what i mean is this:

lets say the 2nd is my visual (rough) drawing based off of the original

overlaying my original sketch on the reference i can see where a lot of points are off!

ill make note of a few of the areas that were very off and mark them, then get rid of the reference underneath. ill still look at it as a guide on the side, but overall try to just change the original sketch to match it instead of directly tracing!

i feel like this may not have been exactly what u mean as far as tips for drawing bodies, but ive found that in order to grasp them better in a way that helps u draw them on ur own, doing studies like this really helps! for me, at least, it allows me to better store things in my memory--because looking at the image and practicing doesnt feel like it really CEMENTS any knowledge, but seeing where i went wrong and then working backwards to try and alter it shows me where im lacking in skill, and helps me use that information later!

doing this allows me to understand how bodies take up space. it has helped me to see the body as more of a tangible thing while i draw freehand, and do it more accurately as well, instead of it feeling like its. a limp noodle i cant grasp LOL

i will say, tho, that for hands especially i almost always use my hands as a reference for what i want. like i dont even have a guide for that in terms of what i do to draw them out or guidelines i follow, i just straight up draw them based off what i see or imagine, i dont really do those step by step guidelines...

im sorry again i couldnt rly give u what u wanted, i just dont think im at that level where i can truly give any advice since im not good enough (yet ! we hope) for a genuine tutorial. if u mean something as far as like... body shapes and stuff im still not rly there yet either. i hope this helps even a tiny bit tho, if u read this far!!!

[socks-wizard-money-gang]

I can make you a pride icon if you want

My epic gamer art fight profile

DNI+Other things under the cut(at least read what's in red pls)

So yeah, my name's Socks and I'll rather be addressed as he/she/it/star+other neos, I'm also ok with most gendered therm but if you're not sure just calls me whatever I'll tell u if I don't like it. Use feminine and masculine pronouns interchangeably in french and other gendered languages plz

Biracial trans aspec tumblr user 👍

Here's my full list of neos and other things

I create drawings like fruit

Digital art is made on the weekends and the only drawings you can reasonably expect from me is nilfruits characters and my fursona

Things I do in my free time/I've did out of boredom include: digital and traditional art, made a vtuber model, painting, photography, cosplaying/sewing, made bracelets, translation (only french/english), playing guitar, lockpicking and archery. I am hobby georg

If you need anything translated from french to english or the other way around feel free to ask translation is really fun ^^

Art request: open but only rain world and nilfruits related because I'm normal (lie)

Please say things to me and send things to me I love listening to people and I'm so sad and alone like half the time and it'll never bother me even if I'm busy

I love bright colors and light but I understand how some people can't look at them for their safety so I tag it as #eyestrain and #flashing I tag other things too theyre just the most common

Ask me phylosophical shit like the meaning of life and I for sure have an answer

Also if you want to send me hate mail feel free!! I like laughing at it

Despite being a guitarist I am the number one bass and bassists fan

Don't follow me if you can't handle occasional vent posts

Don't be fooled by my blog I'm still a furry at heart

I love when people infodump and ramble in my inbox itz so interesting

Memory issues

If I complain about something and its not tagged as a vent then that means I'm not that upset about it

If I do seem upset the best thing you could do is give me a distraction if you wanna help

Don't involve me in discourse I will explode

I have a lot of sideblogs they're @narou-official @ask-voca-mutant-au @yer-fave-is-a-pirate @socks-is-a-menace @zatsunemiku-official @haganemiku-official @weekly-utsu-p @gourmand-appreciation @valid-iterator-name @invenot @the-spearmaster and a couple more, most of em are dead tho

I also have a SUPER MEGA GIGA SECRET pokemon irl blog, try finding it:)

Here I'll be putting hints for it: eel

I also have @the-artificer who just kinda exist

I have autism adhd n I'm personality disorder georg at this point

I'm plural too now apparently??? Some of my headmates are at @bar0ness and @n0mann . You're normally only gonna see me post here tho

I'm a minor

Don't sexualise my ocs pls

I like these thangs->Warrior Cat(barely, I don't even catch up), Mad rat dead, madoka magica, Kirby, the Stanley parable, pafl, biblically accurate angels, sparklecats, Dead plate, Pokemon, Vocaloid but mainly whatever nilfruits characters got going on, OFF, ENA, Cuphead, pjsekai, milgram, Splatoon, bocchi the rock, cult of the lamb, sonic, rain world, and Omori(I don't support omocat), please talk to me about them (there will also be spoiler for all of these)

You can use my art n designs as long as you credit but PLEASE don't give it to AI, repost it without permission (unless credited and Fanart, don't repost my oc art) or use it in edits!! Icons are fine

I kin a lotta diff things and I don't mind doubles👍

Tagging system:

#Paradichlorobenzene is my favorite word:text posts

#random/#rambling: text posts from 2022 to 2023

#socks is scribbling: art tag

#shitty things I made: something I made that isn't a drawing (most likely a shitpost)

#rb: reblog

#me when: posts that are me core

#this is very gender: things that gives me gender envy

#pics of the awesome me: self explanatory

#oc:[insert name]:the mentioned OC's tag

#utsu p characters lore: me making shit up about the characters in utsu-p song because I love his music but the lack of narrative to be abnormal about is sickening so I made the narrative myself

#im dragon: posts about me being a dragon

#muu was here!: Muu fictive posting on my blog. Only it is allowed to post on my blog because she asked nicely bug uses she/they/it/bug also

I also got two personas who are very cools

Userbox by @sweetpeauserboxes and blinkies by @/harukaenthusiast

DNI : post untagged nsfw things, Rainflower defenders, support AI art, queerphobics, racist, transphobes, irl yandere, proshipper, radfem, like hp or support it's creator, ableist, anti furries, exclusionist, eating disorder blogs, transautistic, nazi, terfs and similar things

And that's it I think

[moving-to-dreamwinged]

OK HEY soooo sort of an update under the cut regarding sharing / other tangentially related selfship stuff !!

feel free to not read , i put it under the cut cuz its long/not super important but yea ;3

so idrk how to word this but basically since iv started hangin out on tumblr my views on selfshipping have changed a lot!!! i honestly was not expecting everyone on here to be so lovely and accepting and im so happy to be in a community i feel so comfortable in :'3

but!!! basically: with the nature of me not being open abt f/o on here things have gotten lowk really complicated LMFSJDFJHSF long story short i ended up having to sb a moot today bc i didn't realize we shared a main </3 i feel really bad abt letting that slip thru the cracks, but i just honestly did not know until i saw smth they reblogged today; and i wanted 2 respect their "dni if we share" !

however at the same time as this my views have also changed on sharing !! one week on selfship tumblr and im much more relaxed about it,,, crazy. tbh youre ALL canon and real to me even if we share cuz different versions n multiverse theory n all that. ;p SO

i realized that im comfortable interacting w/ people that i share w if it's not one of their mains, and if they state that theyre comfortable sharing on their profile bc ofc i wanna respect their boundaries!! so from now on i think thats prolly gonna be how i go about things bc it honestly just doesnt trigger me anymore yippee yahoo.

i know tht might be worrisome tho for some who dont wanna view content potentially centered around a character they *also* are dating so if that concerns you, feel free to reach out to me and ask me if we share, ill tell u!!!

or u can just block my #. 🔮 tag entirely bc that covers anything posted w The Blorbo in mind. i will never explicitly post a character tho so dont worry about being triggered either way! (yeah im prob never publicly revealing sorry)

sorry this is so long and probably WAY deeper than it actually is but im so new here and idrk the ettiquette so i just wanna make sure i dont unintentionally hurt anyone! tbh i never expected anyone to see or interact w this blog in the first place (my policy at first was . "i dont feel comfortable naming my f/o but if we share i wont interact w u!!" not accounting for the fact that ppl could interact w ME first... LMAO i just didnt expect everyone to be so nice and welcoming 😭) and im so grateful to have virtually met all u guys and ur lovely f/os ;3

anyway x o x o SORRY THAT IS SO FUCKING LONG oh my god anyways. back to ur regularly scheduled programming

[skeetlebeetle]

haha i hav 69 followers nice. N E WAY look. i meant 2 save this 4 after the apply fic came out (way 2 long xplanation under the cut) but im impatient n i j made all this cool art so i think u shuld see it

(DONT MAKE ME TAP THE SIGN!!! if yr gonna use my art [don’t repost] u gotta credit me!!)

so i shuld probably start w this: im rlly tired its 1:30 am n this will mostly b incoherent i think.

OK. 1 of the 1st social medias i evr got as a kid wuz wattpad. ive made n deleted so many accounts.. the memories r craz,,, n e way, its mostly behind me now but i still check back on the website sumtimez n i check my notifs or whatevz. n sum1 i followed a while back is doing an apply fic that is basically like 6 percy jackson ocs.

now heres the thing.. i dont actually rlly kno what an apply fic is. but based on the description n other oc entries in the comment section its a thing where u giv the writer yr character n then they write it into a fic. which is p cool!! n i do luv 2 make ocs.

heres the other thing: i dont hav n e percy jackson-esque ocs so i had 2 make sum. n where did my mind immediately go?? ace attorney ofc cuz thats my obsession. so i decided 2 make sum ocs based on ace attorney characters. they were gonna b reeeeeally obviously ace attorney @ 1st but i didnt want it 2 b super easy 2 figure out so i changed up their names n gave em different designs n stuff. but basically they all hav the same backstories n personalities other than all the god stuff

turns out tho that i rlly like making knock-off percy jackson/ace attorney ocs so i made em like supa separate from their original ace attorney source n now theyre j kind of their own oc guise. i rlly luv how theyre turning out actually

N E WAY all of this 2 provide context 4 me 2 say that i wanted 2 save these designs n this ace attorney xplanation bc it was kind of a silly lil harmless prank way of me being able 2 say i snuck ace attorney characters into a percy jackson-esque fanfic even tho i didnt rlly cuz, once again, these r basically my ocs now. also idk if n e of em will actually make it into the fic yet. n i didnt want the writer of the apply fic 2 stumble upon my carrd (which is, yes, linked in my wattpad) n accidentally find my tumblr n see this post n then like. idk. disqualify me. "but beetle u didnt hav 2 tell tumblr n e thing abt these ocs!!!" well sumtimez u j wanna post art dude!!

BUT WHATEVER MAN!!!! im paranoid n the writer finding my tumblr let alone reading n e of this is highly unlikely. even if they did they wuldnt fucking care. so heres sum ocs i came up w. n in case its not clear (which it probably isnt 4 at least 2 out of 4 of these designs/names), rich is gumshoe, jay is edgeworth, phoenix is phoenix (woaw), n spyridoula is maya

note that 'rich' n 'dick' r both nicknames 4 richard, jay's name is basically 'scales of justice' n also his dad died, phoenix is so lazy that his name is actually j 'phoenix,' n spyridoula is i think j named the word 4 'spirit' in greek. also shes a hippie

FINALLY: i think i got locked out of my old pinterest which was fine cuz i wasnt rlly using it n e more but 4 this apply fic i had 2 make either a moodboard or pinterest board 4 each character n y wuld i put in the effort of making a moodboard?? so heres my new pinterest which is j boards 4 these characters:

x

[hmm-ctrl]

OH YEAH I FORGOT TO TELL U GUYS ABOUT A GLITCH I SAW YESTERDAY (its a long explanation, because i think the context is important when documenting glitches to see if they can be replicated,, its under the cut)

TLDR: i duped a pearl in the shelter after visiting FP, and the karma gate didnt work (and messed up my hunter run)

so im doing a hunter run and im using echo + starving to kinda skip around the map and save time. right. i dont have enough karma to see the chimney canopy echo but i dont wanna waste days bringing it up so im like. well might as well go see pebsi + my best friend the wall echo (who is always there)

So i starve to get into the wall and then rest at the gate right next to the shelter. I make it all the way up the wall (on my first try! proud of that) i skip the echo and go straight to pebbs.

Please note, i still have NSHs pearl, ive been carrying it with me.

Talk to pebsi, get my karma. i brought NSHs pearl with me into the chamber (hoping he might read it bc downpour, but he doesnt, so i swallow it so i dont loose it, and then when he kicks out) The cycle ended awhile ago (while i was still in the wall) but it doesnt matter because theres no rain.

Then i starve at the shelter outside just outside of pebbs chamber (u know the one) for 2 reasons. 1. i need to reset the gate so i can go thru it again + see wall echo. 2. if i starve here, instead of sending me back to this shelter, the echo will send me to the last place a SAVED. which is all the way back down the wall, outside the chimney canopy gate. (you do this in speedruns a lot to save time)

Here is where things become. strange.

So i have the pearl in my stomach and the neuron in my hand, but i prefer it the other way, so when i get to the shelter, i swap them before it closes on me. (i dont have to force it to close by holding down, because the game is still tracking cycle time from the wall, and the cycle ended awhile ago. When the cycle ends, shelters close normally even when starving, because the player wouldn't normally be able to get food after that point)

I rest, the game shows me it hasnt saved, i continue to the next cycle. I get up and the karma gate isn't reset. I try to go thru it, and it still acts as tho i had already passed thru it that cycle.

Thats not the only thing tho. Remember how i said i still had NSH pearl ??

it got DUPED???? (so did my spear, i only had one before)

Being that i couldnt go thru the gate, but i also didnt want to die + climb all the way back up the wall to get the echo, i rested again + saved at this shelter.

The pearl persisted to the next cycle too, and i just left the extra one chillin in there. (now im struggling to get to the chimney canopy echo lol)

I think its similar to NSH neuron dupe trick but i honestly dont know how that one works?? i have dev tools enabled but i wasnt using them, and the only mod i have installed is IDtracker.

If anyone knows why this happens,, id love an explaination. I think it might be the result of key item tracking bugging out when the cycle ends? the game assumed that because there was no more time in the cycle, and the pearl was NOT in a shelter, that the player must have dropped it, so it tracks its location so it can respawn the pearl close to where the player dropped it. But im not dead, so it continues to track the pearl all the way up to the shelter, where i rest. The cycle then resets, and the game spawns the pearl in the shelter, because it thinks i dropped it. However, since i brought the original pearl into the shelter with me, the game doesnt delete it. Which leads to it spawning TWO pearls in the shelter with me, the original (protected by shelter) and the DUPE (spawned because original is "lost")

As for the gate, im assuming since i passed thru the gate AFTER the cycle ended, the game kind of overflowed it to the NEXT cycle, and so it assumed i had already used it after resting.

Thats just speculation, and id need to test it more to see if thats the case. I don't fully know how the game works, but based on what i know about glitches and bugs,,, its a logical oversight to make.

anyways!!!! i intend on replicating it + experimenting, but if its already well known why/how it happens, then it would save me the trouble :] thank u 4 reading

[piratebay]

do all of the music ask prompts (if u want!)

the ultimate music ask game

i DO ! i'm not gonna do the one's where i need a color or song of your choice tho but if you wanna ask those with something in mind please do! thank you for asking! also putting it under the cut because it's so long lmfao

1. are you an albums person or a singles person?

maybe mostly singles? most of the time i hear a song & i like it & am more picky about the album on the whole, but there are some albums that are so integral to my being they'd have to be ripped from my soul, you know? x

2. do you still buy cds (or other physical media)?

i do still have cds! i don't often buy them because honestly i often don't have the funds to, but when i can i do! my car still has a cd player thankfully & i have an external drive for my laptop :] the last cd i bought was rachmaninov: piano concertos nos. 1 & 4

3. do you listen to more oldies or more current stuff?

i would LIKE to think there is a balance but i'm afraid it's mostly oldies lmao

4. is there a song you love but don't like its music video?

oh god recently i was watching music videos with my cousin & my mom & my mom was like "put duran duran on!" so we watched the music video of rio & she was so disappointed & said "this seemed so much better back in the 80s" 😂

5. is there a song you don't like but like its music video?

i can't think of one at the moment but i'm sure there is one. tbh i don't watch a Lot of music videos

6. who's an artist you really like but are embarrassed to admit it?

kiss 😭 i don't like them like i used to, though

7. would you wear a t-shirt of a band you're not into?

no, i don't think i would. unless i really liked the design? i still don't see myself doing that though

8. is there an artist or song that you like, despite being of a genre you don't usually like?

i'm not SUPER into reggae, despite being into its adjacent musical genres, but utu bang bang by ka'ikena scanlan HITS.

9. do you have a favorite band?

i dooo.... it's the beach boys 🥲

10. favorite solo artist?

i've been into sza for a while now

11. favorite songwriter?

stevie wonder!

12. who’s the most obscure artist you listen to?

probably hui ohana lmfao they're soo nostalgic for me but idk how far their reach outside of hawai'i & hawaiian households are...but probably not much...

13. who’s the most popular/mainstream artist you listen to?

rihanna?

14. a song or album from the 50s or earlier:

black is the color of my true love's hair by nina simone

15. a song or album from the 60s:

and then...along comes by the association

16. a song or album from the 70s:

out of the blue by electric light orchestra

17. a song or album from the 80s:

thriller by michael jackson

18. a song or album from the 90s:

nevermind by nirvana

19. a song or album from the 2000s:

white pony by deftones

20. a song or album from the 2010s:

we are young by fun. & janelle monáe

21. a song or album from this year or last year:

unholy by sam smith & kim petras

22. what’s your favorite song or album from the year you where born?

the boy is mine by brandy & monica

23. do you and your partner/best friend share a special song? One you’d call “our song”?

amor prohibido by selena 😭

24. do you play any instruments?

i mean. i can fuck around on a keyboard & bang on some drums?

25. is there a song you used to like but can’t listen to anymore because you associate it with someone you don’t like?

YES. ALL STAR BY SMASH MOUTH 😔 it's tragic

26. have you ever pretended to like an artist/song just to fit in or please somebody?

ummmmm.... no i don't think so. but i pretended to like harry pothead even though it made me deeply uncomfortable before it became a habit to hate jk for her rampant transphobia 🙄 you know, as if it wasn't obvious before that she was a raging bigot...

27. do you enjoy making playlists? if so, are there any you’re proud of and would like to share?

i do! i really kind of like this playlist i made while reading dorohedoro

28. have you ever made/got a mixtape as gift to/from a friend?

ofc oh my god. that's actually most of my cd collection are burned discs. i've also gotten some spotify mixes ❤️

29. songs you love to dance to:

omg so in my early 20s i used to get really stoned off my ass & dance & paint in the backyard to long youtube compilations of disco/funk/r&b/house hits from the 70s, 80s & 90s. i can't find which ones were my go-tos at the moment but they were something like this:

30. songs you love to sing along to:

I LOVE SINGING yay yay! i made a whole playlist actually that i sporadically add to sorry it's sort of lame & also should be played on shuffle!

31. who’s your favorite fictional band or artist?

uhhh lol i can only think of löded diper from diary of a wimpy kid

32. when was the last time you cried when listening to a song, if ever?

sooooo my dad used to really like michael mcdonald & on the day i went to my first pride after he died what a fool believes came on the radio & i had to like snuffle my face in to stop from absolutely bawling, i.e. it occurred to me that he would've loved to have gone WITH me actually oops now i feel bad even talking about it sorrrryy

33. your favorite artist from your city/state/country?

green day lmao

34. your favorite song in your native language (if it isn’t english) OR in your second language (if english is your first):

escándalo by la sonora dinamita

35. a song you like in a language you don’t speak:

intermission: flower by zayn malik

36. a song you like with lyrics in two or more languages:

the girl from ipanema by stan getz, joão gilberto, & antônio carlos jobim

37. if you could travel in time and go to a concert of an artist who’s no longer alive or a band that’s no longer together, who would you choose?

i would go see the gap band!!

38. which was the first concert you went to?

hall & oates lmfao

39. which was the last concert you went to?

fa// out b*y 😔

40. which was the best concert you’ve ever been to?

leslie odom jr.! followed closely by system of a down

41. have you ever been to a music festival? if not, would you like to go?

i have not, i feel like it would be too stimulating for me, but i'd like to try it at least once. well wait. i am going to be in a big gala event in minneapolis & kansas city, but i feel like that's different from attending. also it will be my first time touring! :D

42. your favorite(s) “no skips” album(s):

wonder what's next by chevelle, fresh cream by cream, & dirt by alice in chains

43. do you enjoy musicals? if so, what’s your favorite?

i DO lmfao, i would say the phantom of the opera since i practically memorized every part in high school

44. have you watched any musician’s biopics? do you have a favorite?

um i have, i wouldn't say that i have a favorite but whitney houston's was profound

45. a non-musical movie or show with a soundtrack you love:

wellll... a tv show..... cowboy bebop's soundtrack is one of my favorites for sure

46. do you like comedy songs? if so, do you have a favorite?

i think i used to when i was younger. i mean, weird al still hits tbh

47. is there an artist you used to dislike but learned to like because of a friend’s influence?

ummmm, jethro tull?

48. who’s an artist you think is criminally underrated & deserves more recognition?

oh i wouldn't know, i don't think i can make decisions like that, i can only recommend stuff to people

49. is there a cover you like more than the original version?

oh YEAH controversial opinion but i really can't listen to bruce springsteen sing at all but juanes' cover of dancing in the dark is excellent

50. is there an artist you used to love as a child/teenager but now are embarrassed to have ever liked?

i mean... besides kiss? 🤣 probably the beatles. i realized i really just liked psychedelic rock in general

51. is there an artist you used to love as a child/teenager & still like, even if you don’t listen to them as much?

the black eyed peas probably? i mean i don't actively seek their hits but if they come on i'm like. transported back to being a middle schooler

52. do you make playlists to be listened to in a specific order or in shuffle? or both?

both! this one's meant for shuffle:

& this one's meant to be played in order:

53. is there a song you hated the first time you listened to but then loved after listening to it more times?

i tend to keep my preferences for a long while, maybe big time rush? i don't remember HATING their music, i just wasn't a fan, but boyfriend is still good to me

54. an album you loved since the first time you listened to:

i mean... pet sounds by the beach boys 😳

55. an album you learned to love after listening to it again & again:

umm after laughter? i wasn't a big paramore fan in high school unfortunately but later i found them & learned to love them

56. a song/album/artist you wish you could forget so you could have the experience of hearing it for the first time again:

dream a little dream of me by the mamas & the papas

59. do you listen to music when it's raining or do you stop to hear the sound of the rain?

i listen to erik satie when it rains :D very low so i can still hear the rain

62. artists/bands you think have an impeccable discography, with no bad albums:

oh i don't have one. i'm a little picky in that sense, i guess

63. do you prefer live recordings or studio recordings?

whatever sounds better!

65. are there any songs you know the entire lyrics by heart?

i am CHRONICALLY bad with lyrics now i don't know quite what happened but i'm really forgetful. i think too much of my brain is occupied to other things :(

66. share your favorite playlists that you or someone else has made!

here are some i've enjoyed greatly!! :3

[mpathicoracle]

tbh imma do this even tho its gonna take a while (again, all songs go to their og owners, u wanna see harbinger inferno's "albums" here)

this is gonna be hella long so imma just put this under a keep reading

songs eira wrote solo:

True Colors (started writing this at age 12) ("Harbinger Inferno" album")

Blood & Water ("Harbinger Inferno" album")

Obey ("Harbinger Inferno" album")

Pass the Nirvana ("Harbinger Inferno" album")

Stitch ("Harbinger Inferno" album")

Ex-Mortis ("Horrorwood" album)

Middle Finger to the World ("Horrorwood" album)

Extermination ("Horrorwood" album)

B.M.F. ("Horrorwood" album)

Two Years ("Horrorwood" album)

My Curse (this was a play at Raine and their so-called "ex from school," eira had no idea it was the one and only Owl Lady asdjfjsg) ("Horrorwood" album)

Ghost ("Ghosts and Premonitions" album)

Chronos ("Ghosts and Premonitions" album)

Soul Searcher ("Ghosts and Premonitions" album)

Death Roll ("Ghosts and Premonitions" album)

Farewell II Flesh ("Ghosts and Premonitions" album)

Everything of the "Rage of the Southern Isles" album

Thunderheart ("Thunderheart" album)

Scream ("Thunderheart" album)

Backbreaker ("Thunderheart" album)

Unleashed ("Thunderheart" album)

We Stand ("Thunderheart" album)

Reignite ("Thunderheart" album)

Vendetta ("Thunderheart" album)

Tower of Pain ("Thunderheart" album)

Like Napalm ("Thunderheart" album)

Annihilation ("Thunderheart" album)

Reinventing Hatred ("Thunderheart" album)

Code of Honor ("Thunderheart" album)

Without Walls ("Crownless King" album)

The Crownless King ("Crownless King" album)

Stacking Bodies ("Crownless King" album)

The Empirical American Nightmare ("Crownless King" album)

The Resistance ("Crownless King" album)

Who Am I ("Crownless King" album)

The Signal Fire ("Crownless King" album)

Daylight Dies ("Crownless King" album)

Nightmare ("Crownless King" album)

From The Heart of Darkness ("Scoring The End Of The World" album)

Shepherd of Fire ("Scoring The End Of The World" album)

Afterlife ("Scoring The End Of The World" album)

The Greatest Fear ("Scoring The End Of The World" album)

Darker Still ("Scoring The End Of The World" album)

Imperial Heretic ("Scoring The End Of The World" album)

Circle The Drain ("Scoring The End Of The World" album)

Scoring The End Of The World ("Scoring The End Of The World" album)

songs eran wrote solo:

Blood Runs Cold (his very first song) ("Harbinger Inferno" album)

Ophelia ("Harbinger Inferno" album)

When Everything Means Nothing ("Harbinger Inferno" album)

Wreckage ("Horrorwood" album)

Alive ("Horrorwood" album)

Don't Let Me Fade Away ("Ghosts and Premonitions" album)

Engraved ("Ghosts and Premonitions" album)

Oblivion ("Ghosts and Premonitions" album)

Nothing Left ("What You Left Behind" album)

Cutting It Close ("What You Left Behind" album)

Let the Bridges Burn ("What You Left Behind" album)

Holy Diver ("What You Left Behind" album)

In Due Time ("What You Left Behind" album)

Hurt ("What You Left Behind" album)

What You Left Behind ("What You Left Behind" album)

Slow Burn ("Thunderheart" album)

Teeth ("Thunderheart" album)

Critical Acclaim ("Crownless King" album)

The Abyss ("Crownless King" album)

Dark Divide ("Crownless King" album)

Hell Above ("Crownless King" album)

I Can't Be The Only One ("Crownless King" album)

No Evil ("Scoring The End Of The World" album)

If Tomorrow Never Comes ("Scoring The End Of The World" album)

I Feel Alive Again ("Scoring The End Of The World" album)

songs dartak wrote solo:

Premonition ("Ghosts and Premonitions" album)

Land of the Lost ("Ghosts and Premonitions" album)

Death Inside ("Ghosts and Premonitions" album)

Soul Bleach ("Ghosts and Premonitions" album)

The Price of Agony ("Ghosts and Premonitions" album)

Bleed Me Dry ("What You Left Behind" album)

There's Fear In Letting Go ("What You Left Behind" album)

Make Believe ("What You Left Behind" album)

Relapse ("What You Left Behind" album)

Ground Zero ("What You Left Behind" album)

Glitch ("Thunderheart" album)

Manic ("Thunderheart" album)

F.L.Y. ("Thunderheart" album)

Hollow King ("Crownless King" album)

Meltdown ("Crownless King" album)

songs the three wrote together (belak doesnt write songs he just likes playing the drums dgjdgh hes just in the bg supporting them all)

Now Let Them Tremble ("Harbinger Inferno" album)

Bulls In The Bronx Hills ("Harbinger Inferno" album)

Welcome To Horrorwood ("Horrorwood" album)

Bat Country ("Horrorwood" album)

A Little Piece of Heaven ("Scoring The End Of The World" album)

This Means War ("Scoring The End Of The World" album)

My Last Serenade ("Scoring The End Of The World" album)

[syngonivm]

made my first wetstick prop box tonight :3 i microwaved the moss in hot water yesterday in preparation just to make sure it sterile beforehand cause i had a prop rot in some of it once and i was worried it left bacteria/fungus on the moss </3

the large sticks are a syngonium albo that i got as one cutting with a beautiful leaf a few weeks back but the roots it had got stunted for some reason and the leaf died :( so as a last resort i cut it up and made a prop box for it

this was her pretty leaf rip

decided to throw in some other stuff i had no luck rooting so far either. two regular ol scindapsus even tho i have more than enough lol it just feels like a waste throwing them </3 theyre from a second vine of my plant i got last summer that i recently repotted and gave a moss pole. it Literally grew itself into a knot?? so when i repotted i decided to cut it but i've jut not had any luck so far with propping them 😩 ive had them in water ive had them in moss, they rotted, i tossed the rotted ones and put the healthy ones back in water along with more cuttings hoping they'll trigger root growth in each other but nothing!!

hard to see but theres two very very tiny scindapsus silvery ann. mine died mysteriously early this year? or late last year and ive been trying to root the little i could save since :( this ones been stunted and its leaf finally died too so i cut it up and stuck it in. i hope i can save it 😩 rn i got two more cuttings in soil.

i miss the plant dearly i was always so excited to see the new leaf pattern and it grew sm and fast but then suddenly its leafs curled and it never recovered. tried not to overwater even tho the leafs were obviously thirsty and eventually found out the bottom part of its stem is all dried up. the big rootsystem and the rest of the plant were fine but i had to cut it :( and the curled leafs didnt even recover after putting them in water. the roots i end up tossing cause i had it in water and forgot by the time i remembered it was rotting </3

tho today i saw one of the water cuttings did finally push a new leaf. at least i think it was a silvery ann. i took some before the plant died so it could get bushier and it's been like over half a year but finally roots. i planted it so fingers crossed

anyways theres also one white butterfly syngonium cutting in there. i got a big old one in semihydro for only 5€ a little while ago and i made 3 cuttings. one i gifted away, one is still happily rooting in water (the head one) and this ones leaf just died and the roots it had suddenly rotted off 😭 i cleaned it up and hopefully can give it a second chance in the prop box. weirdly the eye under its leaf wasnt sleeping it was already bulging u can see it on the photo bottom right first pic.

i wanna make backup copies of the plant in soil jic the whole hydro stuff doesnt work out. i got 0 experience with it and finding info on this stuffs so hard most i find is for growing veggies in pure hydro and growing weed in semihydro :/ both pretty useless to me atm

anyways. fingers crossed <3 i read mixed info on wether or not i need to air the box out so uh ill wing it

I'm so excited to see new growth tho ik it'll take long 😔

today i also planted a rooted cutting i was gifted :3 im not sure what type of syngonium it is tho. looks like it could be either a juvenile batik or a white butterfly? but it's stems are red 🤔 fingers crossed it'll quickly adjust. theres some new growth on of the stems already.

[volfoss]

Comprehensive Guide for Emulating KOF 94-99 thru Retroarch

So, in my MANY attempts to drag people into KOF I wanted to make an easy to follow guide on how to emulate and play it on a Windows PC! This video is helpful if you prefer following along in a video format (which can definitely be easier for some people, although it does skip past a few things, thus why I'm writing this) The video I linked sped past this part so if you're following the video exactly, go to step 10 on this guide to see how to load your games into Retroarch!

You'll be emulating this through the Neo Geo CD, which is how the first several King of Fighters games were released outside of arcades! It runs really smoothly. You can theoretically download ROMs from anywhere for this, but I got mine from here (linked from the offical roms subreddit! It's specifically for the Neo Geo CD that you wanna get downloads from!)

1. Download the files! To make it quicker than scrolling, you can just search the word "king" to find all the files nicely in a row. Personally, I didn't go with the files that had (Rev 1) by the name, simply because I wasn't sure what the difference was.

2. The files will take a bit to download based on your internet, but once they've downloaded, just leave them in the .zip format! You'll be unzipping them later! For ease, I put all the .zip files in one folder in my downloads folder so they stayed out of the way for when I was installing Retroarch and moving files around. This isn't necessary but it helped me a TON from getting files mixed up.

3. Install Retroarch (if its not installed already), I selected the Nightly version as it's more kept up to date. You just scroll down to the bottom to where u get two little links, press the Nightly Builds option (if you're going for that one!). It will send you to a file folder system, navigate to the folder that is just called Windows, then the 86x64 folder, scroll down to the file that is called Retroarch.7z and click it. It should start downloading. For easier access, I have a link to just where you have to click the actual download for the Retroarch.7z file.

Then you'll want to unzip it with either 7zip or winrar and place the folder where you want it to permanently be. If you move it after you run it for the first time, it could mess files up (but if that happens, you can just delete the retroarch.cfg file to basically reset it!)

Before you open Retroarch, navigate to the Systems folder and create a new folder. Name it "neocd" (without the quotes!)

4. Next up, you'll want to install the BIOS file for the NeoGeo CD at this link right here! With the two download options (version 4.0 for MVS/AES or version 3.3 for CD), you want to download version 3.3 for CD. And just like with the Retroarch file, you want to unzip this too.

5. Now that both files are unzipped and you have the neocd folder created, you just want to open up the BIOS folder, which should have 2 files inside, and move the "uni-bioscd.rom" file into the newly created "neocd" folder.

6. The hard part is over! Launch retroarch and do any neccesary setup! Click on the Online Updater button, then click on Core Downloader (the video is using a slightly older version but this is how it looks right now (as of ver 1.10.02)

7. Scroll down and select the file called "SNK - Neo Geo CD (NeoCD)" (again without the quotes) and let the core download. This should only take a few seconds.

8. Now, its time to unpack your games! Extract the files (I personally chose to extract to a folder (the option with Winrar says "Extract to (game name)" to keep my folder really organized). It will take several minutes to extract, but when it is extracted, you should have a bunch of files with the extension .bin and one with the extension of .cue.

Following the example of KOF 94, this is how my extracted folder looks.

9. Back to Retroarch now that you have all this done! Go ahead and select the Load Content button. You should have several options, but the easiest (for me) is going to the C:/ option, then navigating through Windows to find my files. My files are in my downloads folder, so I went to Users -> (my username) -> Downloads -> (the specific subfolder I keep my Neo Geo games in). I kept the .zip files as I was worried about messing something up, so my folder looks like this (obviously, you dont need to keep the .zip files once you've extracted!)

10. You'll want to open the folder for the game you wish to run, in this case, I'm going to go with KOF 94. Again, you have a lot of .bin files, so you want to scroll all the way down to the .cue file and select that. This should open up a new window, and you'll be greeted with the Neo Geo CD launch screen!

11. Now, your game might have a different screen, one with the SNK logo and two different menu options. The way to go around this is pushing select on your controller. It will bring up a menu with Region and System Options.

Quick side note: if you don't have a controller plugged in (as I didn't), really quickly open up a new tab in Retroarch (by right clicking on the icon and selecting Retroarch, you should have two tabs running at once. Then you'll want to select the Load Core button, select the "SNK - Neo Geo CD (NeoCD)" core, then check the bottom of your screen. It should show something similar to this in the bottom left corner of Retroarch:

Then navigate to Settings -> Input -> scroll down until you find Port 1, then open that up. These are your controls which you can remap however you need to, but take note of which key is the Select Key and your arrow and A key. Go back to your main window with the SNK screenshot shown above and continue following the main tutorial.

12. Set your region using your directional keys (setting it as whatever region you're in, so I selected US, then going down and pressing CDZ. Push A and you should be greeted with the Neo Geo CD launch animation, then the main menu of your game

13. Push the F1 key on your computer to bring up the Retroarch menu, navigate to the Settings button and set your settings so they match this! The Neo Geo CD was notorious for how long it would take to load things so this makes it run smoothly and fast!

And you're done! You should be completely able to play any game now, and just loading in new games the same method used from steps 9-10. But navigating through all your folders to reach your games is a massive hassle, so you can create a playlist rather simply (this is not necessary, simply easier than how it was before!)

1. Launch Retroarch and select the Show Desktop Menu button. A new window should pop up, push OK on the popup that appears!

2. Right click on this area and select New Playlist

(You'll see that I already have mine set up, ignore the bottom playlist as that's what yours will look like when finished!)

3. You'll get a pop up asking you to name your playlist and name it exactly like this (without the quotes) "SNK - NEO GEO CD" (important note to have a space in between your dashes and to have it in all caps!). Naming it this way gives you the fun icon that matches how the Neo Geo CD console looks on the side bar (you can see this in my screenshot above!)

4. Click on your Neo Geo CD Playlist and right click on the empty space, and select Add File(s)

5. Navigate to where your Neo Geo games are and select the .cue file for your game (if you see my screenshot on step 8 of the main guide, you can see right where the .cue file is!

6. Change your settings to match these (by setting your core to Neo Geo CD and that's it!)

7. Your game should show up in the folder, then add the rest (if you downloaded more than one game!) by doing the same steps of right clicking, adding a file, selecting the .cue file, changing your core to NeoCD, then pressing ok!

And that's all! You're finally done setting this up! When you go back to your normal retroarch menu, you should be able to scroll down on the left side bar and see a folder that is titled NEO GEO CD and contains all of your games with a CD icon beside them! You just click on them, then press the Run button, and your game is launched in a lot less time than navigating around stuff if you're not getting things in a playlist!

[zhongyeet-me-to-the-moon]

Omg Gorou in rut please!! Would really love to see u write it 😳

Ask and ye shall receive!

Pairing: Gorou x gn!reader (reader bottom tho so)

Type:bullets and story

Warnings: SMUT. Minors...kindly f off lol. Specific nsfw warnings under cut. Soft dom!top!Gorou, sub!bottom! Reader

No matter how many times I read over my work I will always miss typos/grammatical errors and I apologize

Specific nsfw warnings: , dry humping/clothed rubbing, needy Gorou is still needy top or bottom, eating out (reader recieving) teasing, slight exhibitionism but it's not the whole fic

Just like if he had heats, before you showed his ruts aren't as intense since he has no visual stimulation, he sees all his teammates as family.

When you first join though, he's all over you, even though he doesn't really realize it yet.

Longing looks, physically helping you adjust your stance or your bow work, his tail goes 100 mph when you thank him for the littlest thing. Looking for you to sit next to when eating, etc.

It's very obvious to everyone but him he has a thing for you.

He just likes being near you man, especially in the battlefield. He always tries to subtly find a way to be near you or your unit so he can come the second you're compromised, not that he doesn't trust your skills, just if they're is an incident he wants to be the first to help.

He's veryyy protective when you're injured, only let's the medic in and even then is watching them like a hawk when they need to touch you, slightly grimaces and tries not to growl when you twinge in pain.

Kokomi the only one woman enough to point out to gorou his actions (mainly cause everyone loves watching you tease him and him being too oblivious to get it.)

"You know, as long as it doesn't get in the way of the mission, dating isn't unallowed within the campus."

"O-Oh really? Was there anyone trying to get together? I do know that x and y were very close as of late, maybe I should pass that on to them."

G...gorou...hun..."

"Hm? Oh....oh"

Now he can't make eye contact with you, he's 20x more blushy when he does, any form of contact he immediately is apologizing for.

You gotta ask him out. That's all.

I think ruts are more frequent than heats, an every other month thing, unless they get physically get engaged with and they reciprocate.

Because of that it doesn't take long to need to have a conversation about it. He's still slightly embarrassed but its more of the general sex talk at the beginning of a relationship is always embarrassing. You just took it as he has a higher libido every other month and that it really wasn't a problem for you.

The war had finally ended. Everyone was in celebration mode, sending letters to family, having a party almost every night, making plans to leave, even for a little while for people who still want to stay in the army once the negotions are over. With all the happy morale of the army, and the busy planning of negotions with Kujou Sara, his didn't even realize it was "that time of the month". Once all the commotion died down and you two were left with cleaning duty, the. He noticed his thoughts towards you were more indecent than wholesome. And that with you having cleaning duty, it'd be at least a half an hour more till you could go back to your shared tent.

You were currently putting all the clean plates together to put back in the necessary tents storage. You offered to help clean everything up since you decided not to drink tonight, drinking multiple nights in a row was probably something you'd enjoy if you liked waking up with a hangover every morning. As you entered the tent, Gorou soon followed after.

"You need any help?"

"No I'm almost done, if you wanna go ahead to our tent thats ok." You didn't face him, currently trying to put the plates and utensils back on the necessary shelves. You didn't hear him leave though, instead after a pause you hear him shuffle closer to you and wrap his arms around your waist behind you. Gorou rested his head on your neck, snuggling closer to your shoulder. You just laugh at the rare pda and try to continue your work.

After a while though, and a need to walk back outside to grab the rest of the items, you started to notice that when you shuffled a bit back into him to turn left or right, his hips jerked a bit at the action, a whimper escaping his mouth that was so small you probably wouldn't have heard it if he wasn't so close to your ear. So to test your theory, you completely stopped. You picked up paperwork and started to check things off mindlessly to report that everything was being put back in place. After a minute or two Gorous whimpers became for frequent and heated, beginning to squirm a bit more against you till eventually you did notice the bulge pressing up against you.

"Gorou."

"Sorry."

You chuckled, putting down the paperwork and placing a hand in his hair, " You think you can wait 10 more minutes till we get back to the tent? " he whined, tightening his grip on you. So needy. You turn yourself around for your facing him now. "Its going to rain tonight Gorou. I need to put things back." The eyes he gave, sad and pleading, but he also knows as a general it wouldn't be right to go against procedures.

But fuck does he need you right now.

You sit him down on an empty box in the tent. "I have one more set of plates i need to put back. Then I'll be done." You kiss the side of his cheek, him leaning in and slightly tipping forward when you parted.

The tent the supplies were in didn't have a closing, just three walls and a roof. So Gorou watched as you squatted down to pick up the last box, placing a few stray items on top. He didn't realize he was palming himself from the outside.You didn't comment on it when you turned around, he still didn't notice he was doing it, just stared at you all love struck. You rolled your eyes and continued doing your work, a bit more frazzled now with the show your getting and silently thanking the archons no one was awake, or at the very least walking around at this hour. But it was fun shaking your hips more and siting more suggestively to give him a show, jumping a bit more clumsily when reaching for something so your ass and chest bounced a bit more than usual.

At some point his hand did go in his pants,tail twitching in discomfort of the clothes being in the way, some conscious part of him not completely wanting him to expose himself in public but still too deep in to stop himself. But since it was so quiet out. His soft pants and whines could still be heard in between the shuffling of plates and boxes. His hands weren't enough anymore, when you were finally done his eyes had compelletly glazed over, pumping fervently into himself and whiney voice slowly getting louder as he stopped caring about his surroundings. When you stood in front of him he couldn't stop his hand tugging you down into a kiss. It was sloppy, fervent, needy. Removing his other hand to the small of your back to get you as close him as possible. A gasp leaving him shaking with the first rub against you.

You leave the kiss, him trailing forward to continue it but you put your hand up to his lips. "Let's go to our tent love." Gorou didn't hesitate to try grab your hand and rush you back, you giggling in tow.

The second the tent closed behind you two he was grabbing your face again. The kiss more heated than before, tongue immediately slipping in and crashing into the cot below. Removing each others clothes in between, Gorou started kissing your necks,leaving marks in the process, small bites that left you moaning, squeezes to your chest to try and ground himself to the situation. He kept trailing lower and lower till eventually he's at your entrance. Leaving cute kisses before quickly sticking his tongue in, whining in complaint as the angle wasn't so good till eventually he flips you over himself. You gasp a bit at his forewardness but didn't deny him it, it felt too good anyways.

In between you can hear soft "so pretty." "So perfect." With how much he was drooling you were plenty ready, he just got so lost he didn't realize it till you were beginning to tighten due to cumming. "Ah! G-gorou." He was gonna keep going, bringing you to overstimulation in your aftermath if you didn't make a sound.

He slowly got up, eyes still hazy as you turned over, situating yourself in his lap. Kissing his chest, putting one cute nub in your lip while you rubbed the other, slowing moving your hips up and down against him. "My good boy." A yelp came out as you bit down on his nipple, his hands instinctively going to your shoulders but making no move to push you way, you could feel his dick twitch against you with each bite or compliment in between.

Eventually you raise yourself, situating your entrance right above gorou, his eyes glued on yours, so in love, so expectant. When you finally lowered to enter you, if you thought he was was letting loose before you were wrong.

You took the reigns for a bit, him too stimulated to jerk his hips in a solid rhythm, eventually he gets his barring though and you're immediately turned onto your stomache again. Like he was holding back this entire time his thrusts are ruff, he's leaning close enough you can hear small growls escape his lips in-between moans.

It doesn't take long for you both to get close again, Gorou was holding back for so long and you still coming down from your first it always seemed the first time was quick.

Gorou slowed, doing a few for deep,hard thrust.

"Y/n...ugh. im-"

"Me to love"

He thrusted a few more times, till eventually he leaned fully flush to your back, one arm wrapping around your waist to get you as close as possible, groaning loud In your ear as you both reach completion.

You both collapsed together,him pulling out but not getting off of your back. Both just gasping in the aftermath as he rested his head next to yours, taking in your sent, wiping the sweat soaked hair out of your eyes. He always tries to be soft after, and he is. But when he's like this it doesn't take much squirming from you underhim to start getting hard again, his still head more fervently leaning himself into your neck till there's no room left between but he's still pushing.

You laugh, turning over so you're on your back and he's resting his head on your chest, petting his head as he started biting your neck again.

It was going to be a long night.

[laurelier]

Falling. Into a half-empty glass.

Or: I’m nothing but a bitch for falling that’s all I am. Part 1.

We’re all by this point aware of the fact that everybody’s favorite shiny-shirted chaos demon Harry Styles has been teasing us with a mini baby mashup of Two Ghosts and Falling on his rainbow-bunny-bedecked tour. Yes. We know this we have all lost our collective shit about it yes. Like god, it just sounds so pretty, here have a link to a video of him singing it yep no problem ur welcome don’t mention it GOD I would do so many dirty things for a studio recording of this.

(x, x, x)

I have written this long as all sweaty hell post today because listen ok I fucking LOVE that he fucking did this. That he’s connecting these two songs like he is. Because maybe he’s just doing it because it sounds nice, maybe he’s doing it because he’s Harry Styles and he can do what he well pleases thank u very much, maybe it’s because the two songs are about the same/a similar interpersonal conflict, maybe maybe sure any of that yeah—but I also think you can absolutely damn well read both of these songs as being about two sides of himself, rather than (or in addition to) the couples disagreement thing we generally see in them, and THAT makes this really exciting to me.

I’ve had this thought for a while now and always kind of felt like I was. Reaching a bit? So I just kind of. Kept it to myself and let myself feel my own little feely feelings about it. But then H decided to link these two songs on MAIN????? on TOUR?????? with a stunning a cappella angel harmony to boot (sott anyone. only angel anyonE) and—I lost it, I’m loooosssinnggggg it, I still feel like this is a reach tbh but I'm. Losing It. And really, to be fair, I think pretty much all of H’s songs are about approx one thousand different things at the same time, and that’s probably what I love most about them, but to me at least—I don’t know. Regardless of what Harry actually means in these two songs, Falling especially and also parts of TG feel so much to me like what it is to meet yourself, realize you’ve badly mistreated yourself, feel so sorry for that, not know how to fix it, not know if you like who you’re becoming or who you’ve been—I just. Feeeeeeeel all of that. So strongly here. And then he went and ACTUALLY CONNECTED them and I just. It's so much. It's so so so so. Much.

Under the cut if you wanna get real emo with me about the ghosts inside our heads and splash around in some rainbow rabbitholes. Sound weird? Good. Let’s get wet.

I try to talk a little about chords even tho I can’t read music

This wee inkling that Falling and Two Ghosts can be interpreted to be about internal exploration if you just commit to a little bit of brainpayne began with me noticing that Harry sings the whole entirety of Falling, with all its longing and all its regret and all its paaiaaaaaaiinnnn just belts that shit out and it breaks my heart, and then—he gives us a lovely three-note riff at the end that we haven’t heard at that tempo nor featured that clearly anywhere else in the song. It’s similar to what he does in SOTT and then repeats in Only Angel. All three riffs have different notes, but a similar rhythm—just mirrored, going up in Falling instead of down like in OA and SOTT, and the off-beat pauses are in kind of complementary places too, like. It’s long been my thought that in Falling he’s not only echoing but mirroring the deconstructed chord thing that he did in these other two cryptic if you squint you can see gender here and also life is really hard songs, and the whole recent Falling mashup thing clued me in to the fact that he kind of halfway does it in Two Ghosts too (just on guitar, like, the beginning **~badada*~? Even though it’s not an exact match bc there’s some variation in it after the fact, idk). It just. It kills me. It absolutely kills me. I get so excited about this that I don’t know if any of this is gonna make sense I’m just this I’m just

—but I'll try I’ll try I’ll do my lil pepe silvia best.

I’m not like. Functionally, I’m not very musically literate, but the notes of the riffs are:

Falling: G# F# E (down)

Only Angel/SOTT: A C D (up)

And for good measure even though I don’t think the whole riff thing is quite as yoda voice strong with this one Two Ghosts: F# Ab B (up)

Really though what I recommend is to listen to the beginning of Two Ghosts and then the end of Falling and then the beginning of Only Angel and then the end of SOTT in that order and just. Get back to me on that. Tell me these little deconstructed chords don’t sound like sisters to you.

I loooooooooOOOOOve the idea that H might use themes in the actual sound of his music thehillsaaarreeeaalliiiiiiveeeeee to hint at thematic parallels in his lyrics, and idk this might just be utter reach for the stars BS coming from somebody who has listened to both of these albums an alarming number of times, but. Either way, it gives me a starting point from which to think about possible connections between these songs, and doing that’s allowed me to explore a lot of what H’s work means to me. So: ba da daaaaaa let’s get into it.

Who tf is this man talking to anyway

Like I mentioned above, I like to listen to H’s love songs and try to see if there’s anything in them that lets me imagine they could be about internal life, different pieces of him—like, listen to him as if he’s singing to his own fragmented self, to a cast of different characters inside him—because I’ve found that so doing helps me reflect a lot of my own feelings about my own self into a place where I can see and feel them. Processing, etc. I find that doing this with Falling in particular is really really powerful (and sad be warned) so let’s take a look at the lyrics super close it'll be real quick promise just to like. Set the foundation.

For this to make any sense at all, imagine there’s two separate characters/Harrys in this song, one on the inside and one on the outside (two harrys two ghosts we see where I am going here yes showing my hand), which is a breeze if we’ve read @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk’s Only Angel and She analyses. Which is something we should all do. Right now if we have not. Yes go do that come back when you’re done.

TLDR: I’m reading Falling as being sung to us by the externally visible representation of the narrator of this song (from this point on, referred to as Harry) and directed towards the She who lives in daydreams with him (She), a queer self inside. Throughout the rest of this, I’m going to use phrases like “he’s saying” that assume some agency on Harry’s part, but keep in mind that I never ever mean to speak for Harry—especially when I’m talking about his sexuality or gender identity—like I said, this is just an exercise that I do that kind of. Helps me think about myself. And up to a certain point, in a certain way, technical rightness or wrongness of interpretation doesn’t entirely matter, right, as long as we remember that we’ll never be in H’s head—only our own—so with that in mind, here’s one way that I see Falling, a little peek into my own psyche all wrapped up in a reading of this beautiful beautiful beautiful song.

Lyric breakdown:

I'm in my bed And you're not here And there's no one to blame But the drink in my wandering hands

Harry’s alone in his bed, drinking—big strong FTDT parallel with the loneliness and the drinking but we’re not doing that today—and there’s no She to be found at the moment. He’s frustrated, blaming the drink for She’s absence: either because of the drinking itself (has something about altering his mind’s state made her retreat? In most of his songs it seems like it’s the opposite, so that’s interesting, and suggests to me that there’s something different about the (supposed) interaction we see with She here than in other songs) or because of something his wandering hands (I love that phrasing so much, it’s so beautiful) have done, She—the queer side, the daydream occupier, a self he longs to express—isn’t with him now, she’s silent. He’s done something to betray her, push her away.

Forget what I said It's not what I meant And I can't take it back I can't unpack the baggage you left

I’m hearing the narrator/Harry making an apology to She for saying hurtful things to her, to this fragile precious part of himself—and expressing desperate frustration—“I can’t take it back”—, implying a desire to return to a place where he feels connected with her. Trying to mend, in other words, the fact that he’s somehow shown her the cruelty we’ve all, I imagine, shown to ourselves at one time or another—and alluding to the heavy, heavy baggage we are left with by the most genuine, deepest, longest-denied pieces of ourselves when we are brutal and cold and cruel to them.

What am I now? What am I now? What if I'm someone I don't want around? I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling What if I'm down? What if I'm out? What if I'm someone you won't talk about? I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling

What’s so, so evocative for me here is—in these lyrics more than anything I just hear a person saying: “I’m afraid of who I’ll be when I become who I am.” What am I becoming? What am I now? And what if the person I am now, this person I’ve been all my life, isn’t someone that I’ll want to be at all in the future? What if, someday, I’m so ashamed of who I once was that I won’t want to acknowledge the life I've lived at all? What if I don't like who I am—either now or when I'm more of myself? What if what if what if I don’t ever even know who I am and now I’m falling, I’m falling, and I’m not just falling but I’m falling again, I’m always falling, this happens all the time, which way is up, the water’s all around me and I’m drowning.

This chorus, just. It's so full of this feeling of shame—it's so palpable in the way he sings, in the lyrics, everything. What if I’m awful, what if I can’t stand to be around myself? And maybe more than that, even, the chorus feels to me like self-alienation: like not recognizing yourself, like being entirely in the dark about who you are or who you’ll become tomorrow. The particular panic of looking at yourself and going oh my God, my God, what am I what am I what am I—beginning to suspect that maybe there’s nothing truly to you, because you’ve maybe unknowingly maybe not lied all your life to yourself and those who love you about who you are and—oh, my God, what am I, now? Now that all the lies are falling away—what is left of me?

And: the little change in the last chorus to What if you're someone I just want around? is just. It breaks me. It’s so plaintive, simple: all I hear is, I just want to be me. I just want her—all of me—around.

That, to me, is Harry not just asking for the space to be himself, but expressing that he just wants to be in his own presence. It’s such a defenseless, disarmed way of asking for authenticity, which is, in turn, such a human thing to want; it’s so childlike, almost, this way that I hear him asking to be around She, around himself, as if She’s a kind of caretaker, as if he’s so tired that he just wants to fall into his own arms and be protected, be accepted, because his own self is the person from whom he needs that care most, and from whom it’s hardest to earn it—and god, it hurts, because he spends so much of this song singing about this hard, unsparing distance that he feels between himself and She, and, just. Ohhhhhhhh I can’t I have to move on it's too much. Asking for your own forgiveness and love, trying to feel worthy of your own presence—how many things are more vulnerable and heartrending than that, I don’t know.

This ss is from that general part of the song, and I just. See him reaching. Reaching reaching reaching for himself, looking up toward himself, floating helplessly. And it just. Hurts. There's so much longing.

You said you care And you missed me too And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you And the coffee's out At the Beachwood Cafe And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say

Here, I think what’s most important is Harry saying he writes too many songs about “you”, She. Like I said earlier, I like to think damn near all of his songs can be read like this: I often imagine (baselessly, again, I have no idea what's happening) that he’s at least partly writing about She, like, literally all the time, and this has given me such a useful incredible lift in thinking about myself, my own inner world and how it’s connected to literally every other part of my life, no matter how hard I’ve tried in the past to separate all of that from what I love. A model for how to talk to myself, almost.

Of note that She tells Harry that she cares about and misses him as well—all parts of him wanting him to be a whole self—and then Harry expresses frustration that there’s nothing left to say to She, and this just feels like desperation to me, that word again, desperate: the narrator's desperate reaching toward a part of himself that is so life-giving and also so, so hard to hold onto. We launch into the chorus again right after H sings about wishing he could communicate more clearly with himself; we’ve run out of things we can say, I’m not coming up with any more answers, it’s silent in my head and oh god I’m falling again, please, all I want is to know that who I am is someone I can stand being.

And I get the feeling that you'll never need me again

I hear the same shame-filled questions from earlier here—those that I, at least, have asked myself so many times as I've tried to face and know myself; I just. I hear how much looking honestly at yourself after years and years of denial and suppression hurts in his voice here, I hear him singing, what if the self I will become has no use at all for me now? For everything I am, everything I ever thought I was—what if it’s all nothing, what if I am nothing, what if I don't exist at all, what if I never did; what if, my entire life until this point, I've been nothing more than the violence it took to pretend I was not me?

I don't know. Obviously the answer is that we're all more than that, that no one is nothing, but these ugly questions do have a tendency to fly out onto the table during a personal crisis—or at least they did onto mine, when I first started to remember little ghosts in my own head that so badly needed soothing, that I had ignored and silenced for so many years.

It’s such a powerful song, and it genuinely means so, so, so much to me.

Two ghosts falling down a music video rabbithole

Returning to Love on Tour briefly, the line “We’re not who we used to be” in Two Ghosts is really the main thing pulling me toward the idea that there’s an underside to this song also that’s about, well, a self made of two ghosts, circling one another: H's, or the narrator's, current self a ghost because of all the performance it was built on, the inner self a ghost because it’s been hidden for so long. I won’t do a long lyric breakdown of Two Ghosts, because I’m less passionate about the idea of this song reflecting an inner experience of (queer) fragmentation than I am about that being the case for Falling, and also because—the only lines of TG he’s been singing in concert are: “We’re not who we used to be, we’re not who we used to be, we’re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me, trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat”—which are the queerest lines anyway, to me. You’re standing in front of yourself, and both of you are ghosts; you’re looking at yourself looking back at you in this space between existence and artifice, all of you trying to remember or learn what it’s like to be a full human being. The self haunting the self; one self fading out, one self fading in.

Emotionally, right, I was doing okay with this until I rewatched the Falling music video in full and then. Then I was not ok anymore GOD it’s beautiful it’s just so MUCH it’s so much it’s so much it’s so much it makes me feeeeeeeel so muuuuuuhuhuhuuuuch. There are a couple of places in it where I just. I just can see H talking to She: he looks off toward this one specific side camera twice, first when he says “I write too many songs about you” and also, in the second chorus, when he sings “what if I’m someone I don’t want around”—and the camera goes a little wavy, almost like he’s drunk (and again I can’t I can’t go down the substance gender link path rn but I do see it here, there’s a lot there and it’s for a different day but I think it’s important).

A still from the first instance of him doing the jim halpert office thing except it’s sadgay JESUS this video is gorgeous

It feels really conspiratorial in these two moments, too, like he’s looking toward someone watching him through the curtains, or he’s at least conscious of their awareness of him, of She watching him as he sings about longing for a more genuine way of existing. Again, this could be the partner that he’s singing to, the person he feels separated from and has hurt, who the hell knows, but I just. I like to think in my own little heart that it’s part of him. I myself often feel my inner self, the self I wish I were more like, watching me as I stumble and fall my way through my life; the idea of Harry sitting at this watery piano and singing about a self he wishes he could be while he feels that self around him, pushing on him, surrounding him in the form of water, watching him from the window (which opens only as the water begins to flood out of the piano, mind)—it makes me feel seen, real or not.

To me, She is everywhere in this video: I think she’s watching him from the window, I think she’s the water itself, she’s inside Harry and you can see it on his face, She might even be the piano, too. And obviously Falling is extremely watery, ending with Harry submerged and floating in the most beautiful beautiful beautiful shot with his train unfurling out behind him and then it zooms in on his face and I just. I watch the ending of that video and. His face. The way it kind of twitches, the way he looks so sad, like the weight on and around and within him is unbearable, it just. I feel. So much. Look at him. It wrenches me, wrenches my whole heart.

GOD i wish i could gif i can’t gif somebody gif that ending for me I’ll love you forever

Water's been H’s thing, obviously, so it makes a lot of sense that it would form another link between Falling and TG—thematically it links so much of his work, so it feels a bit silly to even point it out, but. I’m still going to. Because, though I know some of the Two Ghosts visuals are technically supposedly of lava rather than water, it just. This is water to me. This is rainbow gay water to me, that's my chosen reality.

Shirt’s a bit similar to the one he’s wearing in the Falling video, too. And the thing with the rainbow water is. First, it’s water, right? Which is just so prevalent throughout H’s work, throughout everything, this idea that there’s something with him and water, him being wet in the Lights Up video everything’s on a beach or near a body of water he falls in love by bodies of water it’s just. Waterwaterwaterwater. Yes. So here the water is rainbow, and it makes all the sense in the world to me because, like, I’m so attached to the idea that there’s a connection between H being in the water and existing as a fuller, queerer self, a more loving self. Being connected to the best of himself, all of that human goodness, even if it’s painful, even if he feels like he’s drowning, even if he sometimes feels like he literally can't do it; almost like the water represents him learning to live and breathe in a different way, turn into a creature who can survive underwater (mermaid shit). And in the TG visuals we have Harry literally floating in the middle of a rainbow ocean? Standing in a rainbow maybe-lava lake? In a song that I’m wondering whether you can partially read as the narrator expressing a searing longing to be closer to who he truly is?

Ok.

And you know what this also looks like to me? The rainbow water? It looks like when you spill gasoline in the water and it spreads out and gets all rainbowy and colorful and pretty and you’re looking at it like wow that’s so lovely floating there all iridescent and shimmery even though you know it’s toxic. Especially the image up there on the left. It looks like a spill, a slick of some substance that is mixing with the water. And it just. It makes me think: is this suggesting that all the forces in the world that hide queer people from themselves have poisoned H's (or the speaker's) self-discovery, the ability to be in the water with She? Cathartic hurt comfort self-contained reading of Falling from earlier certainly doesn’t not fit with that.

And because this rainbow water is beautiful—and it is, these visuals are stunning—does the rainbowy watery thing also suggest that the things queer people have to do to maintain and nurture our whole selves in the midst of all the poisonous chemicals poured into us by the homophobic transphobic world are themselves beautiful—not to idolize the trauma and pain that so often come with existing as a queer person, of course, but—idk, is there something here about the conservation of ourselves despite so many toxins being dumped into the water that makes us up? About all our acts of self-preservation being beautiful and honorable and ocean-deep? I don’t know. In any case, it’s more than just a happyrainbowgay symbol to me. I think about it a lot.

(Relevant and of note: @swimmingleo has a thought-provoking moment with this whole. Contaminated water ~thing in regards to the pink HS1 water/all of that most beloved debut album in their wonderful wonderful post on HS1 and The Wall and I'm pretty sure I read that post ages ago and my brain absorbed the pink water thing and just like took it and ran with it without realizing you said it first so here I am acknowledging my ancestors. Read that one ASAP read it yesterday.)

And the rainbows just keep coming, he keeps doing it. He keeps fckin GOING with the rainbow water, goddammit, this is an ss from the SOTT mv that about made me spit take my coffee when I was rewatching it for this post.

God am i done yet is this bitch done yet GET OFF THE STAGE

In conclusion. The hill I am dying on today. Is that there is an undercurrent of self-exploration and self-discovery, of trying to do better by oneself—and the pain that all that sometimes brings—in these two now-mashed-up songs that are usually read to be coupley—mostly about Harry’s mistakes in relationships, or about him growing distant from another person he has loved. Two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty…….. I don't know, but I feel it, I see it. The water’s draining out, She is feeling more and more inaccessible to the narrator because the world is a poisonous intolerant place and yet he’s still drowning in her, still falling into himself even as he feels like he’s falling away from himself, he can’t get away from himself even as he tries so hard to reach himself—and oh it’s just so familiar, it’s so ambivalent. It aches so much and it’s so important.

Anyway I love Falling with all of my mopey little heart and I will love it forever until the end of time.

[cheegu3]

omg i have an idea for the jay series if you have the time 🥺 where you try to escape again and get outside but he catches you and brings you back in, but once inside again you get out of his grasp and hide somewhere in his house and he has to find you cat and mouse style 😶

Ty for saving me u genius bc I was running out of ideas again 🥴💜💜 this is quite a long one tho yikesss

TW / Trigger warning: yandere themes, violence, kidnapping, mentions of a dead body, mentions of stockholm syndrome

Word count: around 2k

Trapped Pt. 3 ~ Yandere Jay series

Cat & mouse 🔪

After your little morning ordeal with Jay you two went up together, eating breakfast and cuddling. You found that he was in a better mood than usual not even bringing up your escape attempt once. Maybe he was over it by now, being confident that this time you actually wouldn’t try it again or rather if you did, he’d always find you.

When the movie you’d been watching together ended he stopped stroking your hair and it was quiet except for the pouring rain outside. These were your favourite kind of days.

‘‘ Will you take a day off today, we can stay in and watch more movies ‘‘ you said in a small voice still testing the waters.

He bit his lips, sitting up on the sofa now and pushing you away slightly.

‘‘ No I have something important to do, but‘‘ his eyes narrowed ‘‘-you better behave ‘‘

For a moment you caught yourself enamoured with him, ready to follow his orders and stay home waiting for him exactly like he wanted you to. But you caught yourself thinking these things and felt disgusted. Must be Stockholm syndrome, besides this is the perfect opportunity to escape again.

‘‘ y/n? ‘‘ he raised his voice making you flinch and quickly look up at him

He clicked his tongue in dissatisfaction, watching you closely.

‘‘ I said, IF you behave I’ll give you a better treat than the one I gave this morning ‘‘

‘‘ Oh, yes yes okay, I will ‘‘ you said distracted. Your head was buzzing thinking of all the ways to escape and the possibility of him finding you again. The anxiety was hard to keep under control as he got ready to leave the house. 

‘‘ I’ll call you every hour ‘‘ he made sure that you were listening as he put on his jacket and headed out, giving you a kiss and locking the door behind him firmly.

An hour. You had one hour to escape, only this time you had to be smarter. You began to frantically go over the different plans over and over again. The anxiety and fear of him finding you again wouldn’t stop bugging you. But you made up your mind, gathering a few things, like a scarf and glasses for a disguise and was out the door in mere minutes after he’d left. You made your way quickly to the village when you were reminded of the incident there last time, so you decided to go past it, keeping your head low as to not make any of them spot you. They seemed to be too busy anyway, chatting to each other while carrying large boxes of various vegetables and fruits. As you passed by them, by now having spotted your destined location, a bus station, you caught a few words.

‘‘ I heard Jay gave the girl a very hard time ‘‘ a woman said

‘‘ A deserved one ‘‘ a man answered snorting

‘‘ Indeed ‘‘ another said

Instinctively you wrapped the scarf around your head a bit tighter and increased your pace. They paid you no attention though and the chatter eventually got more distant as you made your way over to the booth. Well there, you were extremely grateful as you saw that a bus would be coming in under a minute and when you looked up you saw the blue rectangular vehicle approaching. Its sign read the name of the town your friend was living in which earned a sigh of relief from you, growing more anxious the longer you stayed here. The bus got closer and stopped with a squeaky sound flinging the doors open. You practically ran onto it and sat at the back. Bouncing your leg up and down anxiously, you kept your eyes on the door waiting, begging for it to close as if he’d jump on any minute now. 

Then, it finally closed and the bus was in motion. You looked behind through the window at the back of the bus as the village, landscape and that damned house swept by. You were free at last. How could he possibly find you now, you didn’t have a GPS or a tracker because you didn’t have a phone and the villagers didn’t see you. Leaning your head back, resting it on the seat you began to relax telling yourself that you were no longer in danger and everything was going to be okay.

A sudden stop that threw you forwards jolted you awake. Confused and newly woken you looked around and to your relief you weren’t back in the house. You were at the final stop, your friend’s town. As you got off the bus you quickly phoned your friend, and when the rain started to pour again you took cover under the station’s roof. She thankfully arrived in a few minutes, rushing to the car as soon as you’d finished explaining your...situation. The familiar blue sedan pulled over to the side right in front of you and you practically ran to it, swinging the door open and checking several times if it was locked.

‘‘ Hellooo? ‘‘ your friend snapped her fingers. You had been too busy being paranoid to even pay attention to her and it made you feel guilty now.

‘‘ I’m sorry, you know I’m just really paranoid. What if he’s here he- ‘‘

Your friend clasped her hand over your mouth muffling your protests.

‘‘ It’s fine y/n, you know I live at sea in a very small fishing town. How would that psycho even find us? ‘‘ she gave you a reassuring smile and playfully hit your shoulder.

Then she pushed the gas pedal down and down the bumpy road you two went, towards the little cottage sitting alone on the top of the hill. Your anxiety came back once again when you saw the fast approaching cottage. It was in the middle of nowhere, quite literally. If he were to find you here, you’d be dead. The nearest neighbour was what...3 miles away? Your friend noticed your breathing increasing slightly and gave you a few pats again as she forced the small car up the hill. She stopped it, stepped out and slammed the car door. She’d taken your stuff inside and left you there probably to cool off a bit. It didn’t take long until you followed her inside because you had made up your mind. She was right. He’d never ever find you or hurt you again. You were safe here and she said that you could stay as long as you wanted to.

You spent the rest of the night talking mostly about lighthearted stuff to not make you scared again but then you explained a bit about him, how he treated you and how he really was. After you chat was over and the sky had turned dark you went to your separate bedrooms. You climbed into bed and turned off the light falling asleep shortly after.

A loud bang awoke you making you open your eyes. It was still dark outside and the fear instinctively came onto you expecting the worst. Listening closer, having gotten out of the bed and laying your head against the door, you thought the noises sounded like muffled screams, whispers and thudding. Was he here? Without thinking you pushed the squeaky door open and as your friend’s cottage was very small you walked right in to the living room where you saw the scene which had been making all the noises.

It was your boyfriend, sitting on top of your friend’s lifeless body with his hands wrapped tightly around her neck.

‘‘ Get away from her! ‘‘ you screamed lunging towards the pair.

But when he stood up you already knew it was too late. You could see that she wasn’t breathing, her eyes looked soulless and she laid there like an empty shell staring into nothingness.

‘‘ Found you ‘‘ he smiled, a smile that broke you. Because looking at him you could see that he hadn’t struggled at all to find you. He wasn’t stressed, worried, surprised, angry or a mess. It made your heart sink. You truly never could escape from him. You didn’t even notice when his guards lifted you up dragging you towards his car, not even when they had strapped you in and started driving had it kicked in. You felt so numb, so helpless. 

Through the whole car ride none of you spoke a word but you could sense that he was satisfied. Perhaps he wasn’t that angry because he had killed someone you loved so dearly, your best friend. That’s a greater pain than any hits or cuts could ever do, and he knew that. He leaned back during the ride and really enjoyed the look on your face, replaying your face over and over again as you saw the lifeless body of your friend. 

The car ride came to an end way quicker than you would’ve liked it to. The guards were sent off by Jay and he turned to you.

‘‘ So naive. You didn’t learn a thing from last time did you? ‘‘ he said mockingly.

The hate was bubbling up in your chest and all you wanted to do was to punch him, kick him, anything, even kill him the way he brutally killed your best friend. But what you wanted more than anything right now was to get away from his mocking, smirking face that you wanted to punch so bad. But you knew if you did punch him you’d get it back but ten times worse so instead you stepped out of the car. When you did so, the guards stopped and watched you closely.

Suddenly you darted in to the mansion. You had to find a hiding spot. Anywhere away from this monster, even if it was for a minute would be ideal right now. And then, you’d try again and again. This incident wouldn’t stop that..surely. He took his time walking in after you and shouted out.

‘‘ Oh. So you wanna play darling? ‘‘ he sneered and you held you breath as you ran into the library, one of the rooms closest to the entrance which had caught your attention. It was huge and messy which made it the perfect hiding spot. You walked in, trying to walk as silently as humanly possible and crouched behind the first row of bookshelves in case he had gone into this room. When you didn’t hear anything you went to the inner corner of the shelf and sneaked along the walls, looking to your side on every aisle in case he’d be there waiting, ready to pounce on his prey. 

When you had reached the end you saw a hiding spot that caught your attention. In one of the corners, in the large bookshelf there was a small space behind the bookshelf where you could squeeze in. Having done so, you pushed the books closer to each other as to give more coverage and waited. A few seconds had passed, then minutes maybe hours? And your hope had started to come back. Listening a bit closer the silence baffled you and left you almost breathless. He must be on the second floor now, now was your chance to escape.

As if on cue, your hopes were crushed when you heard the slow footsteps that you were all so familiar with. 

Click, clack, click, clack.

They got closer and closer. Even though your heartbeat started to beat wildly the closer they got you were still hopeful. Your hiding spot was way too good. But when he came to the end of your row, the hope started to fade. They way he slowly walked made him seem confident and amused, something you recognised too well. But, to your surprise he walked right past you continuing slightly down the row closest to the wall where you had been walking along.

‘‘ I know exactly where you are ‘‘

He turned his back to you, stopping in his tracks and you swear he could hear your heart jump out of your chest by now. 

‘‘ And, ‘‘ he said threateningly, growling slightly ‘‘ if you don’t come out dear little mouse I will play with your family instead ‘‘ the evil smirk came back.

You made a run for it as soon as he had said these words. The books you knocked down caught his attention and he had you down in just a few meters after you had tried to run. He had expected you to. Your face hit the cold floor causing you to cry out and the pain only increased when he twisted your arms painfully behind your back. You could practically hear the twisted sadistic joy in his voice as he said,

‘‘ I win ‘‘