#<- because im so determined not to disturb anyone else

[dreamwinged]

i need to stop trying to be so hyperaware of if im hurting others to the point that i hurt myself by making myself smaller and smaller every day

[dragon-kazansky]

Symphony of dreams

Morpheus x Female Reader

Morpheus has had time to adjust to life after his imprisonment. Reunited with his friend, and of course his wife, he focused on his kingdom. However, a new element comes into play. A Vortex. Rose may just be what he needs to find his missing residents.

{Masterlist}

{Previous Chapter} - {Next Chapter}

Warnings: Long chapter ahead! This is the final chapter before the epilogue!

Chapter Ten - Blood and water

☆☆☆

You make your way to the throne room, head held high. You were determined to make Morpheus see reason. You were going to force him to accept help. You were also going to do all you could to stop him from hurting anyone else.

As you approached the doors to the throne room, you came across Mervyn. He bows his head to you as you join his side.

"Where are you off to?" You ask him.

"Im looking for Lucienne. Have you felt the quakes?" Mervyn asks.

"The quakes?"

As if waiting for its cue, the whole place shakes. You steady yourself. You look to Mervyn but he says nothing. You follow him through to the throne room.

Morpheus is looking at the window when you enter, and you can see why. A huge crack that seems to only have got bigger, reach up the window.

"What's happening?" You ask.

At the sound of your voice, he turns around and looks at you. You had been avoiding his company since Gault.

"I was, uh, gonna report to Lucienne," Mervyn says.

"About what?" Morpheus asks, turning his gaze from you to look at the pumpkin man beside you.

"The minor seismic activity... some minor damage."

"Then why not report to me?"

"Because you're busy?" Mervyn replies awkwardly. "Lucienne took care of all this stuff when you were gone, so I figured why with you-"

"Mervyn, things like this should be reported to Lord Morpheus. This is, after all, his realm," you say softly, trying to be kind.

Morpheus looks at you. The way he looks at you causes a twinge through your heart.vhe looks... desperate to be near you.

The room shakes again, and the crack in the window grows. You look to Morpheus.

"You want me to fix that for you, or will it just keep happening?" Mervyn asks.

"It will not keep happening," Morpheus assures him. "I will find the cause of the disturbance, and I will eliminate it."

You look at Dream with concern.

Mervyn leaves.

Morpheus turns his attention to you. "You came looking for me?" He asks.

"Yes." You nod.

He looks at you, waiting. You gather your courage to talk to him. "About earlier... I'm-"

"No. I'm sorry," he says.

You look at him now.

"You dreamt I hurt someone and then said I hurt you. Is that because I told you to stay here?"

"Morpheus, you have to let us help you. This isn't your burden to handle alone. You are not alone."

"I know that."

"Do you?" You ask.

"Yes, I do. I'm going to fix this. All of it." He speaks calmly as he looks at you. There is determination in his eyes.

"How?"

He slowly raised his hand out to you. "Come with me."

☆☆☆

You walk with him through the library toward where Lucienne is working. In one hand, he has some books. In the other, he holds your own hand.

"Lucienne."

"My lord." She turns to face him.

Morpheus lets go of your hand and takes a step closer to Lucienne. You hold your hands in front of you and listen.

"I have come to return these... and to assess the extent of the damage from the recent disturbances."

Morpheus takes a little look around. You decide to pick up some books off the floor to try and help a little.

"Have... you any idea as to what caused them?" Morpheus asks her.

"I assumed it was you, sir."

"Me?"

You glance up curiously at the pair.

"Maming further improvements to the realm... now that you're back."

Lucienne brushes past him to put some books away. You step to the side and gather some more from the floor.

"Lucienne, when we last spoke, I did not mean to imply that your efforts beyond the library are without value."

"Oh?"

"I really wish to relieve you of repsonbilities with which, had I been here, you would never have been burdened."

"I see."

Morpheus glances at you. You urge him to continue. He turns back to Lucienne.

"And... in that time, did you experience any... similar seismic disturbances?" He asks her.

"I did not."

She brushes past him again with more books.

"Have you any... theory as to their origin?"

"Speaking strictly as a librarian? I do. But you won't like it."

"Go on," he urges. You look at her and listen too.

"I know you're waiting to see if the vortex will lead you to The Corianthian and Fiddler's Green. The way she led you to Gault."

"She may yet still."

"Yes, but while you're waiting, she's putting cracks in the foundation." Lucienne states.

"Rose Walker has visited this realm before and done no damage. This is something else, something new." Morpheus replies.

"Perhaps. But if there is something new in The Dreaming and you did not create it, how did it get here?" Lucienne asks.

You look at Morpheus with worry.

"This is the vortex. I assure you."

Morpheus goes quiet.

☆☆☆

"Come with me."

You look up at Morpheus as you both walk through the palace halls. He's looking right at you with his beautiful blue eyes.

"Are you sure?" You ask.

"Yes."

You smile. "You want me to come with you?"

"I always want you with me. I... may need you." He cracks a small smile.

"You do need help. I told you."

"I know I don't admit it, but you are right. Lucienne is right."

You smile at his admittance. You reach out and take his hand. He relaxes at the feeling of you touching him.

"Then we shall find Rose together."

He smiles softly.

☆☆☆

"So, what do you think?" Matthew caws, looking down at Rose and Lyta as they walk toward the house at the bottom of the hill.

"Tell Lucienne she was right about the source of the tremors. And that I'm taking care of it."

You look at Morpheus.

He takes your hand and guides you down the hill. Matthew leaves. There is a certain purpose to his step as Morpheus walks, his coat bellowing out behind him.

You arrive at the house before the girls get there. Morpheus talks to Hector as you wait the other two. Rose and Lyta arrive.

Morpheus looks at them. You stand right beside him.

"Lyta, you remember I told you about Lord Morpheus, the King of Dreams?" Rose says, pointing out who he is.

"What do you want?" Lyta asks.

"He wants us to leave," Hector says.

"Why?" Rose asks.

"Because a ghost cannot escape his fate by hiding in The Dreaming," Morpheus explains. "Nor can a living human being escape her grief here. Do you not see the damage your presence has done to this realm? I cannot allow you to stay."

"Is there anything we can do?" Hector asks.

"You belong with the dead. You must go to the place appointed for you."

You lower your gaze. That is not an easy thing to hear from anyone.

"I'm sorry, but you must say your goodbyes now," Morpheus tells them.

Hector nods sadly.

"No. I'm not losing you again," Lyta says.

Hector stands up and walks over to her. "I love you so much," he tells her.

"You're not going anywhere. Get out of our house," Lyta says to you both.

"Lyta-" Rose tries to speak.

"Enough." Morpheus raises his hand. Hector starts to disintegrate down to nothing. Lyta calls his name while Rose pleads with Dream to stop. You turn and hide your face in Morpheus' shoulder.

Lyta cries. She cradles her bump.

"Your husband died a long time ago. He was a ghost, and this is a dream," Morpheus explains. "The baby is yours... for now."

You look at Morpheus with confusion. "For now...?" You whisper.

"The child was conceived in The Dreaming. It is mine."

"What?" Rose asks, mortified.

"And one day, I will come for it."

"No, you won't. You'll do nothing-" Rose starts to argue.

"This dream is over."

He swipes his hand through the air. You're back in the throne room. You stare at the steps as you try to understand what just happened.

"You killed my friend."

Both you and Morpheus turn to see Rose standing behind you. She hadn't woken up.

"How did you get here?" He asks.

"In front of his wife, and then you threaten to take her baby?"

"Do you know why this happened?" He asks her. "A vortex gathering strength can weaken the walls between dreams."

"I didn't ask for any of this," Rose tells him.

"Even so!"

"No! I don't want you coming near me or my friends ever again."

"Rose, listen to me."

"I do listen to you."

You can only stand there and watch them both. Things are getting agitated, and you didn't like it. Morpheus can sense your unease, but he must focus on the girl first.

"You said that a vortex can create universes or destroy them. So I suggest you leave my universe the fuck alone."

"Rose-" he warns her.

"This dream is over." She says. She vanishes.

You stare at the spot she had been standing in a moment ago. You didn't know what to think or say.

Morpheus turns and looks at you.

You choose to say nothing.

☆☆☆

You both return to the library. Morpheus calls for Lucienne. She comes out from between some shelves.

"My lord. There's something I must tell you."

"And I will listen." He tells her. "But first, you must let me tell you that you were right." He speaks softly. "The vortex was responsible for the damage to our realm, and I was... wrong to risk our sagtt in the hope that she would locate the missing Arcana."

That's the first time you have ever heard him admit he was wrong.

"You were not entirely wrong, sir." Lucienne says. "She's found them both."

"What?" He asks. "The Corianthian and Fiddler's Green? Where? How do you know?"

"Fiddler's Green told me."

Lucienne turns, and you look up to see a well-dressed man step out from the bookshelves. You sigh softly as he comes over. He bows his head to you both.

"Apologies, lord, for having left."

"Why? Why did you leave?" Morpheus asks. "I tusted you. You were the heart of The Dreaming."

"No, sir. You were the heart of The Dreaming. And you were gone." Fiddler's Green says. "I was curious. And it turns out that life as a human contains substance I never imagined when I was here. Which is why I returned because... he's murdering them."

"The Corianthian?"

"He appears to have built up a cult of worshippers who kill for pleasure, endangering the waking world and the life of a friend called Rose Walker."

"The Corianthian has found Rose Walker?" You ask. A chill runs down your spine. Morpheus looks at you.

Another dream come true.

"Yes."

"Can you imagine the damage he could do with someone like Rose?" Lucienne says.

"You must tell me where they are." Morpheus demands softly.

☆☆☆

"So, he too spent the last century in the waking world?" 'Gilbert' asks. You look at Fiddler's Green in his human form.

"Yes, but he seems to have experienced the worst of humankind." Lucienne points out.

You look down quietly.

"Still, his time appears to have changed him as it has changed me."

"How so?"

"Lucienne, he came to and told you he was wrong." Fiddler's Green smiles. "It was very nearly an apology. The Morpheus I knew was incapable of that."

You chuckle softly.

"Then perhaps he will be merciful to you since you come back on your own."

You look up. "I won't let him do anything to you."

Fiddler's Green looks at you. "My lady, your heart is as kind and beautiful as I remember."

You smile softly at him.

"It doesn't matter what happens to me. What matters is that Dream stops The Corianthian and saves Rose Walker."

You shake your head. "You matter too. I'm going to go find Morpheus. I shall insist he takes me with him."

"Are you sure that is a good idea?" Lucienne asks.

"He is my husband. I shall not let him do this alone."

Lucienne smiles. You're a good wife to Morpheus.

"But... there is no saving Rose Walker." She states. You and Fiddler's Green look up at her.

"What do you mean?" You ask.

"She's a vortex."

"Yes... I know that."

"He's... he's going to have to kill her." Fiddler's Green speaks with slight panic.

You look at them both. "What?"

"Did he not tell you?" Lucienne asks.

"No!"

They both fall quiet. Lucienne can't help feeling like she's made things worse. Morpheus hadn't told you that for a reason, she assumed.

☆☆☆

You storm into the throne room. Morpheus hadn't left yet. You march down the hall and over to him.

"Morpheus!"

He turns and looks at you.

"My love."

You glare at him hard. "Don't you dare."

"Excuse me?" He frowns.

"You're going to kill her..."

A look of realisation comes over him. He lifts his head a little higher as he looks at you. He knows he can not hide his intentions any longer.

"It must be done."

"There has to be another way!"

"There is not."

You fight back your emotions. Getting upset won't get you anywhere with him. You try to remain calm.

"How can you possibly be so cruel?"

"The Corianthian is using Rose to do harm. She doesn't even realise what she's doing most of the time. I must put a stop to the vortex."

"By killing her...?"

"I have no choice," he states, looking at you with desperation. He can see your pain. He wants to comfort you, but doing so will not change the situation.

"Take me with you."

"No."

"Morpheus, please."

He sighs softly and closes the distance between you both. He takes your hand in his and throws his sand up with the other. You fo not look away from him as you travel to where Rode and The Corianthian is.

☆☆☆

The Corianthian appears to be giving a speech. A room full of murderers is listening to him. He is using Rose to power their dreams into one.

You stand with Morpheus in the aisle, looking up at the rouge nightmare.

"You disppoint me, Corianthian. You and these humans you've inspired and created... disappoint me." Morpheus walks towards him. You remain standing in the aisle.

"I've done my best to be what you made me," The Corianthian says.

"No, you've done your worst, which was in so many ways what I had hoped." Morpheus joins him up on the stage. "You were my masterpiece. A dark mirror made to reflect everything humanity will not confront."

"That's what I am. That's what I've done."

"No. Look at you, walking this Earth for over a century, infecting others with your joy of death, but what have you given them? What have you wrought? Nothing. Just something else for people to be afraid of. That is all"

"So what now?" The Corianthian asks. "You send me back into their dreams?" He pulls out a knife. "'Cause I won't go willingly."

"A knife against a dream?"

"You don't think dreams can die? Let's find out."

You gasp and move to join Morpheus, but your husband raises a hand to tell you to stay where you are.

"Enough." Morpheus raises his hand to The Corianthian, who stabs the knife through Dream's hand.

"No!" You yell out. Your Morpheus is hurt. His hand bleeds.

"I've got Rose Walker getting stronger every second while you get weaker." The Corianthian says. "She's taking your place at the centre of the Dreaming. She's bringing the walls down between the sleepers' minds, and now they're all dremaing the same dream. A dream that I inspired."

"No." Morpheus looks at him.

"It's already happening. There's nothing you can do. She's asleep and dreaming."

"Then she is not beyond my reach."

"Oh, I think she is. Now that she knows you're planning to kill her."

You shake your head and hurry over to Morpheus, placing your hands on his shoulders. Morpheus uses that boost you're giving him to appear in the dream. He is telling Rose to wake up.

"Don't listen to him, Rosebud." The Corianthian says, appearing on the dream. "You're the one with power now, not him. This is your dream."

"It's his dream, for your world." Morpheus says, walking into the room with them. You're giving him your strength in the waking world to appear in Rose's dream.

"Then let's make it yours. Whatever you want, Rose. A blank canvas."

The Corianthian removes the extra people from the room, including Jed. Rose asks where he is, and The Corianthian reminds her he is fine and that he is sleeping right next to her in the waking world.

"This dream is yours now. The Dreaming is yours now."

"The Dreaming is yours. Is that what he told you?" Morpheus asks, approaching her.

"He told me you were gonna kill me," Rose says.

"Did he tell you why? When a vortex brings down the walls between dreams, she creates a single volatile dream that will collapse in upon itself, and take the waking world with it. Your world. Everything and everyone will die."

"Don't believe him, Rosie." The Corianthian whispers to her.

"It's happened before. I failed my duty, an entire universe was lost."

"He can't kill you if you kill him first," The Corianthian tells her.

"Killing me may save your life, but it won't save the lives of those you love," Morpheus states.

"I'm trying to keep you alive here." The Corianthian urges.

"I'm trying to keep your world alive." Morpheus argues.

"You have to choose one of us, Rose."

"Enough!" Rose exclaims. "If in as powerful as you say I am, then I will find my own way. In the meantime, the walls go back up. Because I'm not dreaming anymore."

Rose gets rid of the dream around them. "Thanks to you two, I'm wide awake.'

Rose wakes in the waking world.

☆☆☆

You gasp as you let go of Morpheus. His hand heals up quickly. You take it in your hands and examine it. He looks at you softly before turning back to The Corianthian.

"If you think I'm going back to the Dreaming with you-"

"You're not going back," Morpheus says firmly. "I brought you into this world to serve humanity. Not to feed upon it."

"Do you know why I do it?" The Corianthian asks. "So I can taste what it's like to be human. And you don't care about humanity. You only care about yourself and your realm and your rules."

"I contain the entire collective unconscious. Without my rules, it would consume me." Morpheus explains. You hold his hand gently. "Humanity would be consumed."

"Or you might actually feel something." The Corianthian adds. "I am not the problem, Dream."

"You're right. This was my fault, not yours."

You look at Morpheus with slight confusion.

"I had so much hope for you," Morpheus whispers, looking at The Corianthian. "But I created you poorly then."

The Corianthian gets upset.

"So I must uncreate you now."

Morpheus raises his hand to the nightmare, and you watch as he undoes his work.

"I am only sorry I won't be here to see Rose Walker do the same to you," The Corianthian says before he completely disappears. He turns to a pile of ash as a small skull lands on top. Morpheus picks it up.

"Next time I make you, you will not be so flawed and petty, little Dream." Morpheus tucks the skull away.

"And you..." Morpheus looks at the waking humans in the room. Who call yourselves collectors, until now, you have sustained fantasies in which you are the victims, comforting daydreams in which you are always right. But no more. The dream is over. I have taken it away. For this is my judgement upon you, that you shall know from this moment on exactly how craven and selfish and monstrous you are. That you shall feel the pain of those you have slaughtered. And the grief of those that mourn them still, and you shall carry that pain and grief and guilt with you until the end of time."

All those humans leave that hotel with a whole new mindset.

Morpheus walks out with you. Matthew meets you both an the entrance.

Rose and Jed have driven away.

"You want me to follow her?" Matthew asks.

"No. When she is awake, she is not a threat. Tonight, when she sleeps, I will find her." Morpheus says. "And we will end this.'

☆☆☆

Rose Walker had brought all her friends into one dream. A whirlpool had opened up and one by one each of her friends fell into it. Even Jed.

The green fields turned to a cold and empty wasteland. Morpheus stood with you in front of Rose.

"You've caused a great deal of damage. Nothing that I cannot repair, at least at this stage." Morpheus tells Rose.

"What happened to Jed? To my friends?"

"They're asleep in their bed, but they're not safe. No one is. Not until the vortex is dead."

You feel your heart aching. You cannot let him kill her. Rose didn't ask for any of this.

"Death is not always such a bad thing." Morpheus says. "You could stay if you like. My raven was once a mortal."

"Wait! Sir!" Gilbert comes running.

"Gilbert? What are you doing here?" Rose asks.

"This is Fiddler's Green," Morpheus clarifies.

"You? You're a Dream?"

"I am. I, I left my post here to experience life as a human being," Gilbert explains. "A life which I humbly offer in exchange for yours."

"I'm afraid that's not possible." Morpheus tells him. "For the Dreaming and the waking world to live, the vortex must die."

"Then what's the point of a vortex?" Rose asks. "Why do we even exist?"

"Honestly..."

"I have a theory." Gilbert says, interrupting Morpheus. "When a human is at the centre of the Dreaming, is it not to remind us that we exist because humans dream, not the other way around? The miracle of humanity itself should always be more vivid to us than any marvels of power."

"I cannot find it in my heart to punish you for leaving Fiddler's Green," Morpheus says. "But it is time you took up your appointed position once more."

"It would be my honour, sir." Gilbert says proudly. "It was never my intention to abandon my role."

"What was your role? Who were you?" Rose asks.

You smile and answer. "Fiddler's Green is not a who, it is a where. He is not a person. He was a place."

"And after your death, if you stay in the Dreaming, visit me." Gilbert requests. "Walk in my meadows and my green glades. Rest beneath my trees."

Morpheus smiles slightly.

"Farewell, Rose Walker. It was a privilege being human with you."

Gilbert opens his arms, and you all watch as he turns into greenery and life. Your surroundings turn green, trees come into existence, butterflies fly overhead. Fiddler's Green has returned to his post.

"I do not wish to take your life," Morpheus says to Rose. "But we all have repsonbilities and this is one of mine."

You can't take it any more. You step out and stop between him and Rose.

"No. I can't let you."

Morpheus looks at you with concern. "It has to be done."

You start to tear up. "It's not fair. She has a whole life ahead of her..."

"My love..."

Rose takes your hand in hers and looks at you. Thunder rumbles and the clouds turn dark.

"I am sorry," Morpheus says sincerely.

"It's fine," Rose assures you. "Just do it," she looks at Morpheus. "Whatever it takes to save my brother and my friends."

You shake your head. Morpheus looks at you with a pleasing gaze. He wants you to return to his side.

Rose looks at you. "I'm ready."

You let a tear fall and watch Rose let go of your hand. You can't look. You turn away. Morpheus raises his hand up toward Rose. He can hear your soft cries.

"My lord, stop." Lucienne comes rushing over with another woman. You look up through teary eyes.

Morpheus stops.

"Unity?" Rose looks at the other woman.

"This is Unity Kinkaid." Lucienne introduces her.

"I am Rose's great-grandmother. And according to this book, I was meant to be the vortex of this age." The woman holds up a book. "But because you were imprisoned and locked out of the Dreaming, that fate was handed down to my descendants."

"I don't understand," Morpheus says.

"You're not very bright, are you?" Unity scoffs. "Come here, Rose."

Rose walks over to unity.

"I want you to reach down inside yourself and give me whatever it is that makes you the vortex."

"But how?"

"You're dreaming, darling. Anything is possible."

You watch as Rose reaches down inside of herself and starts to pull out something. You've never seen anything like this before. Rose manages to grab what she's looking for and holds it out to Unity.

A glass heart, a storm whirling inside.

You've seen a heart like that before.

Morpheus looks at you, and you look at him.

"Thank you, Rose, love." Unity holds the heart and turns to Morpheus. "I the vortex now, Dream King, as I should have been long ago. So, leave my great-granddaughter alone."

The heart begins to shatter. A bright light and Unity becomes weak. She has passed on in the waking world.

Morpheus holds onto her in the Dreaming.

"Unity?" Rose looks at her concerned.

"What happened?" Unity asks.

"You died. So that Rose might live." Morpheus tells her. Tears continue to fall from your eyes.

"I'm so sorry." Rose hugs Unity.

"No, don't be. I'm not." Unity tells her. "I was meant to have died a long time ago, Rose. But if I had, I would never have met my golden-eyed man, and we wouldn't have had our beautiful baby girl, and you would not have been born."

Golden eyes? You looked at Morpheus again. You know of someone with golden eyes. Morpheus, of course, knows them better.

"Wait, the father of your child had golden eyes?" Morpheus asks.

"I've never seen anything like them," Unity says.

"I have."

"Goodbye, Rose, darling." Unity says to Rose. They hug again. "Mr. Holdaway will see to it that you and Jed have everything you need."

"You and your brother are children of the Endless," Morpheus says to Rose. "You have suffered enough. You may leave this place."

"Goodbye, Rose," you say to her.

She wakes up, Jed right beside her.

☆☆☆

Morpheus goes to pay Desire a visit.

You remain at the palace. You close Rose Walker's book and sigh softly. Matthew perches himself near your throne.

"Well?"

"She will be just fine. As will Jed. They are kin to Morpheus, so shall I make sure to check in with them from time to time."

Matthew caws. "Don't you have any children?"

"No." You say softly.

Matthew tilts his head slightly.

"Morpheus did have a son, once. That's a story for another time."

Matthew says nothing else on the matter.

Lucienne enters the throne room and you both look up.

"Lord Morpheus has requested your presence." She informs you.

You smile.

"Then I shall not keep him waiting."

Matthew takes flight, and Lucienne joins you at your side as you walk.

"Is all well?" She asks.

You smile.

"Everyone is going to be juat fine."

Lucienne shares your smile.

☆☆☆

@missdreamofendless - @mischievousvillainy - @kpopgirlbtssvt - @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy - @emarich7 - @lollipopsandlandmines - @mouth-whore -

[meowchela]

thinking about the running joke in dorabase where suzu is constantly getting mike wazowski'd and while its a good bit that i like, i also can't help but think about what thats been doing to his psyche

like. honestly its part of why i like him so much, he's a genuinely capable player and has a good number of standout moments but they're all undercut by the fact that nobody ever gets to see them/he never gets appreciated or even seen for what he does. do you think that gets to him??? like hes clearly dejected when he sees how nobodys rly reconizing him and i think after a while thats gonna get internalized hard. like i dont think it'll affect him on the field because hes a determined team player but his self esteem and interpersonal relationships are gonna suffer a LOT if he keeps getting treated like that......like if you feel invisible its very easy to start isolating yourself because whos gonna notice yknow. add on the fact that hes a servant robot (for a rich family yes, but considering we havent even seen his owners they probably dont treat him as anything but a product either.....like compared to kuro and hyoro, when we see those two's home lives its a very close familial bond but the one time we see into suzus house we just see another butler with his owners nowhere to be found??? like even chibi has his owner shown once so we know he exists but suzu's are mentioned but never shown so. the whole "not being seen" extends to his home life too no doubt) AND ALSO that hes shown to be sensitive and crumbles under presure easily (example: when he got stressed and cried during wabc and hyoro had to snap him out of it) i really really really domt think his mental state is doing too well

like my brother in christ your sense of self is probably Horrible for so so many reasons

its even more intruiging because outwardly he seems fine and i think thats def playing a part im things. like he just blends into the background so well and he's so polite that he wont wanna disturb anyone with his problems but that In Itself is the problem!!!!! he probably underestimates his own importance a lot because hell everyone else kinda does too and i can def see that leading to him closing off internally

idk its late and im having a lot of thoughts but not much is coming out comprehensive esp bc suzu is mostly a secondary character who has few moments of focus but like. his inner machinations are so fascinating to me and i love atudying him under a microscope

[osita-iza]

Helloo! I like your writing a lot!! If you don’t mind can i request the rva + v, and saeran with mc who’s really sensitive? Like she cry when someone raise their voice, or when she feel someone becoming distant to them? Im sorry if my english is bad 😅 thank you!! I hope it’s not burdening you

Thank you so much anonie! Don’t worry, It wasn’t a burden at all!!! Sorry if it took longer than you wanted, I’m taking two summer classes right now, and they’ve been a lot of work these past couple weeks. As a Certified Sensitive Bitch, I found this request really interesting. I tried to make all of their stories different to keep it from being repetitive. 

I hope you enjoy it!! Requests are open <3

Possible spoilers: Jaehee’s Good/Normal Ending, some of Saeran/V/Seven’s routes. 

Warnings: Slight swearing, not much. 

RFA+V+Saeran: With a Sensitive MC (especially to yelling or distant) 

Yoosung 

He was stressed. He was just on edge. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. This exam season will determine whether or not he’s accepted to vet school. It’s normal for him to be stressed. He’s just a little stressed… 

You made dinner that night, keeping your headphones in so your music didn’t disturb him. You had finished almost all of your finals last week, only having one this week, so you decided to help him out. 

You put his dinner in front of him as you sat down across the table. You were on your phone as you ate, and he would take a bite every once in a while. 

You tried to focus on your phone. You really really did. 

...But he had literal bags under his eyes; something you hadn’t seen on him in a long time. You made dinner half an hour ago, and Yoosung had taken about two bites from it. 

“Yoosung, have you eaten anything today?” 

“What?” He glanced up from his textbook for a moment, not even long enough for you to look into his eyes. “Oh, yeah! Uh… I ate a little bit after you left earlier.” 

“I left at 9 a.m. for class,” you said, “Yoosung, you need a break. You need to eat.” 

“MC-” 

“You’re gonna burn yourself out,” you insisted, “At this rate, you’ll collapse during your exam.” 

“Can you just leave me alone? God just because you don’t know what you’re doing with your life doesn’t mean you have to drag me down with you!” He yelled. 

You weren’t sure if you were more hurt or angry; your glare mixing in with your tears. “Oh, fuck you.” 

Yoosung finally looked up at you with wide eyes. You never cussed at him. Should he be more worried about that or your tears?

You sniffled and covered your mouth, already feeling your throat burn as you tried to hold back more tears. Your hands were shaking, just wanting to scream at him about how you just cared about him, how he went for a low blow, how you needed to know that he was alright. 

Yeah… he was more worried about the tears 

“Just because you’re stressed about your exams doesn’t mean you get to yell at me,” you said with a shaking voice. 

He didn’t know what to say, so you both just stared at each other for a moment. With a sigh, you grabbed your bag and walked to the door. 

Yoosung’s mind finally caught up with his body, and he ran up to you to grab your wrist. “Wait- I- I’m so sorry!” You stared at where your hands connected. Yoosung took this as a sign to continue. “You were right. I didn’t take a break all day, and I took it out on you. Will you take a break with me... Eat with me?” 

“...I can’t deal with being yelled at.” 

He pulled you into a hug by your hand. “Then I’ll never yell at you again.” 

You were still hurt, but you could feel his promise through his hug. “Wanna eat then?” 

“Of course,” he said as he pulled back to kiss you on the forehead, “Especially since you made it, so it’s made with extra love!” 

You smiled at him as you puckered your lips, and he kissed you. 

“So you forgive me?” 

“Mostly,” you said, “I think I need a couple more kisses to fully forgive you.” 

Jaehee 

Jaehee wasn’t the type to yell 

She was raised in a household that didn’t want her. A household where her aunt always yelled. 

While everything her aunt did hurt her, it was the yelling that taught her to shut up. 

So she learned to disagree calmly. Or not at all. 

You were the one who protected her. You stood up for her. To her you were the epitome of strength. 

You looked at Jumin, one of the richest men in the country, and told him that he was being entitled with how much pointless work you gave Jaehee 

You saw the woman who would work herself to the point of passing out, and you comforted her and showed her that she wasn’t alone 

So when a customer began berating you for mixing up his drink with another customer’s (which you already apologized for and fixed), she was angry but not worried per se 

You were the strongest person she knew

She would just give you a treat after he left, and you’d be fine

You could handle yourself. 

“I just don’t understand! You have one fucking job- to make coffee and give it to customers. How do you mess that up?” His voice gradually raised in volume with every word

The anger in her body was building up with every word he said. She was debating before she heard a sniffle, and Jaehee turned around to see tears shining in your eyes

You took a deep breath and spoke in a low volume. “Sir...” 

Oh hell no... 

Her heart broke, releasing that anger throughout her body. 

“Excuse me sir,” Jaehee said, standing next to you and putting her hands on the counter between you both and the customer

“What do you want?” he said 

“You have absolutely no reason to be yelling at the employees here-” 

“She-” 

Jaehee’s glare seemed to get darker as she spoke over him. “She has already gotten you your correct drink. Offered you a refund. And apologized for the mistake. And even if she didn’t, there is no reason to yell.” 

“This doesn’t concern you.” 

“As one of the owners of this establishment, this absolutely concerns me. I will not tolerate a customer blatantly insulting someone in this premises. I have to ask you to leave, and you will not be served here in the future.” 

He stared at the both of you for a moment before he threw the coffee cop on the ground and walked out of the cafe. 

You grabbed one of the napkins and wiped at your eyes. “I’m really sorry, Jaehee,” 

She pushed your hair out of your face and held your face in her hands. “You have nothing to be sorry for. It was a simple mistake, and you apologized,” 

“No… for crying,” you sniffled. “I know I should be able to handle it-” 

Jaehee shook her head. “No, you shouldn’t have to handle or deal with people yelling at you. And you won’t ever have to deal with it when I’m around, okay?” 

“O-okay.” 

Later that night, after the cafe was closed, she would have a better conversation with you. She wanted to know exactly what set you off, how she could help you calm down if it happened again, everything. 

And she promised you -with her words and a kiss- she would never yell at you. 

She knew you would protect her, but she would protect you too. 

Your sensitivity was the reason why you were able to see the pain she was in, even through a screen 

She would not let anyone use that sensitivity against you. 

Zen 

You were both really emotional 

It’s what made Zen a good actor. It’s what made you able to understand people around you. It’s why you two were a good match, able to handle each other’s waxing and waning of moodiness. 

But while your emotions made you cry, Zen’s emotions made him loud. 

I mean, he was in a biker gang. He had to learn to be loud 

He also had a bit of a jealousy problem. And he swore up and down that your coworker had been flirting with you at the company’s holiday party

He was pacing in the living room. Some of his hair was framing his face because he kept messing with his ponytail. You were sitting at the kitchen table, just tired as you watched him. 

“Are you really telling me that you don’t know he’s into you?” he said. Zen’s voice rose in volume with every word, not quite yelling it but getting to it. 

“Because he wasn’t, Zen. I wouldn’t let someone flirt with me, do you really think that low of me?” 

“That’s not it! You’re missing the point here!” He shouted. 

It was silent, save for his deep breaths. Zen was facing the wall, and he clenched his jaw. 

“... I’ll just go home,” you said, voice croaking. 

That made him turn around, and his eyes widened as he saw the tears shining in your eyes. 

His feet and emotions turned 180 degrees. 

“No, no, no, no,” he said as you stood up. He grabbed your wrists, trying to keep you from leaving. “Please, don’t leave. Let’s talk about this.” 

“What’s there to talk about? You’ve already made up your mind,” you said, “And I’m not gonna sit here to just get yelled at,” 

“I promise I won’t yell anymore. Please…” 

You glared at him as you wiped at your eyes. “If you yell at me one more time, I’m out.” 

“I promise I won’t.” 

You sat down and talked through it- calmly this time. After you worked through the original fight, he had to ask. “Was it the yelling that made you cry?” 

“I’ve always had a problem with yelling, even as a kid. Annoyed my parents to no end,” you said, already feeling the headache coming from the tears. 

“I’ll work on that then. I won’t be the reason you cry. Never,” he said, “And you don’t have to hide your emotions from me, okay?” 

You nodded, and tried to keep yourself from crying again because of how soft his eyes looked now. “Okay.” 

“Good. Because I want to take care of my princess.” Zen smiled and kissed you. 

The only reason he wanted you to cry was because of his amazing acting performance, never anything else. 

Jumin 

His father had a new fiance, and Jumin was in charge of the contract between C&R and her family’s company 

How his father didn’t see the obvious motive in that… but the company wasn’t horrible, so Jumin decided to keep his mouth shut 

That didn’t mean he was happy about it though… 

Without realizing it, he was falling back into old habits 

Jaehee was complaining more and more in the chatrooms about the workload, which Jumin was brushing off 

He was leaving for the office earlier and earlier in the mornings. Coming home later in the evenings. He started bringing work home too, something he never did before. 

You could probably count the hours that you guys were spending together on one hand. You knew he was busy with work and it was understandable that he would be distant

But… you needed Jumin. 

You moved out of your crappy apartment with a faucet that always leaked even though you called maintenance about it at least every month into a penthouse where you could have everything taken care of with the snap of a finger 

To say it was a lot would be the understatement of the fucking century 

The only constant you had- the only thing that felt that home- was Jumin 

Maybe you should do something? To make him feel loved? 

So you told his personal chef to take the day off, you were cooking tonight 

You went to the nearest grocery store, trying to not feel like everyone was staring at you when the bodyguards followed you in. 

This grocery store was a lot more boujee than the one you went to as a kid (or an adult for that matter). One of the bodyguards could see you were just wandering down the aisles, so he took pity on you and led you to where the ingredients were. 

You thanked him profusely before you began cooking in the kitchen, which also took you a bit longer to get a hang of. 

Apparently rich people have different stoves… good to know 

Finally you finished cooking dinner, right when Jumin got home. You assumed he would be home later than he said he would… and you were right 

“Hi Jumin!” you said as he shut the door 

“Hi, love,” he sighed as he kept walking, making a beeline for his home office 

You followed him a couple of steps. “I made dinner! It was one of my favorites as a kid. I was wondering if you wanted to try it-” 

“I’m really sorry. I have a lot of work to finish up tonight. I’ll be sure to try some tomorrow.” He turned around to kiss your forehead before walking into his office, shutting the door behind him. Not even sparing you a glance. 

Your throat began burning as tears began shining in your eyes. Without a word, you walked to the living room and sat down on the couch. You covered your mouth as the tears fell. 

Of course Jumin doesn’t want to spend time with you. You can’t even keep yourself from crying because you’re not getting attention. He didn’t even do anything! He didn’t yell. Didn’t snap at you. His emotions are always in check; he’s always rational. 

Meow

Elizabeth jumped onto your lap, and you held her close to your chest as you wheezed for air. She kept meowing as she cuddled into your chest. “At least you want me around, Elizabeth,” you whispered. 

“Why is Elizabeth meowing so much? It’s distracting” Jumin asked as he walked into the living room. His eyes widening a fraction of an inch when he saw your teary face

You looked Elizabeth in the eye. “Snitch.” 

He frowned, sitting next to you. “Darling, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing, I’m just being overly emotional.” You said, pulling Elizabeth back into your chest. “It doesn’t matter.” 

Jumin frowned and put his hand on your leg, squeezing it lightly. “You were able to empathize with my emotions. Ones that I didn’t even know I had, let alone articulate. Your strength is your emotions; a strength I can never replicate. Don’t dismiss your emotions, please. Especially not with me,” 

Well now you were going to cry again. 

You leaned closer, and he wrapped his arms around you. He rubbed your back as you let out the last of your tears, leaving an imprint of your wet cheeks on his button up 

When you could finally breathe normally, you spoke up. “I went to the grocery store today- to buy things for dinner. And I was lost, but I didn’t want to ask a manager because the bodyguards were right there. And so Mr. Park ended up showing me where to go. And I come home, and it takes me half an hour to just figure out how to work the stove because there are so many knobs that do nothing, and god damn they don’t even say what temperature you’re heating up to clearly! And then I taste the food, and it tastes nothing like how it did as a kid because the ingredients aren’t the generic brand.” 

“May I ask where this is going?” Jumin furrowed his eyebrows. 

“I changed everything about my life to the point where making my favorite meal isn’t normal for me anymore,” you said, and he frowned. “Don’t get me wrong. I know that’s part of the Jumin Han package, but it’s only worth it if I’m getting Jumin Han too” 

“What do you mean?” 

“We’ve had dinner together twice this month,” you answered, “I wasn’t raised to handle this. I can only handle this if I have you. I can’t do it otherwise,” 

Jumin frowned. He kissed you slowly, making sure to savor the feeling of your lips against his. When was the last time he kissed you like this? He couldn’t remember. 

“I’m sorry, love.” 

“I know you’re busy-” 

“Still. I can’t imagine my life without you. I should be treating you as such. And I promise I will be doing better from now on.” 

You spend the night eating dinner and relaxing in the living room. 

After that night, Jumin makes sure that you both get to eat dinner at least twice a week. Nights where you both just focus on each other, and there’s no work. 

(Sidenote: Jumin’s new work-life balance trickles down to Jaehee, and she swears she would give you her first born if you ask for it because of this) 

Saeran

Being an ex-cult member came with a lot of challenges 

He had made a lot of progress. The anger and aggression he had mostly subdued as he got help, and he was proud of himself (first time he had ever felt that). He even had a job now; something he had never even dreamed of. 

But today he had like three customers scream at him. One of them even doing it in front of his manager, meaning he got an extra lecture. 

Saeran decided to walk home from work instead of taking the bus, seeing it as a way to burn off some steam and avoiding a confrontation with a stranger. 

He groaned as he got home and took his shoes off before he heard the TV show pause. 

Shit. 

He forgot today was your day off. 

He went to rush into your bedroom, avoiding the living room you were sitting in, but you followed him in with a smile, wanting to talk to your boyfriend. “Hi Saeran. How was work?” 

Saeran clenched his jaw. His immediate reaction to scream. Instead he clenched his fists. He couldn’t yell at you. He couldn’t lose his temper with you. He couldn’t. 

“Rough day.” 

He sat on the bed, and you frowned from the other side of the bed. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” you asked, voice soft. 

He rested his elbows on his knees, dropping his face into his hands. His hands were shaking already. “I think I need to be alone right now.” 

“Okay… if you change your mind I’ll be in the liv-” 

“For the love of god, would you shut up?” he yelled, not even sure where it came from himself, “I already told you to leave me alone, so could you fucking listen for once in your life?” 

It was silent, save for your deep breathing. You turned around, shutting the door behind you. 

He felt nauseous. 

You were incredibly patient with him, almost more patient than Saeyoung. You didn’t ask for a lot. You just told him that you couldn’t handle yelling, never had, and you probably never will. It always made you scared. 

You didn’t outright tell him not to yell at you, but he figured out that’s what you meant when you said it quietly to him one night. 

And he promised himself he would never do that to you. Saeran put you through enough already; he couldn’t scare you now. 

Saeran took a shaky breath. His body both tense and loose at the same time. He couldn’t relax, but he also wasn’t in control of his body. 

He sat on the bed for who knows how long before he stood up, ready to apologize. 

The TV was still paused in the same time as before, and you weren’t in the living room. 

His heart began racing. 

What if you left? Were you safe? Did you leave him? Did he ruin this in the matter of minutes? 

Saeran’s hands gripped onto the cushions of the couch as anxiety took over his body. 

Then he heard a sniffle and a gasp coming from the bathroom. It was clear what you were doing. He felt both worse and better. 

Saeran knocked on the bathroom door, and the whispering noises somehow got quieter. “Can I come in?” 

Your voice croaked. “It’s open.” 

His heart tightened as he opened the door. Your eyes were puffy and red. Tears still attached to your eyelashes. “...Hi” you muttered, refusing to look at him, instead focused on the towel in your lap. You must have used that to muffle yourself. 

“I- I’m sorry. I was trying to keep myself from yelling, but I lost control when I shouldn’t have. I know I shouldn’t have. I’m so sorry…” 

You nodded, still refusing to look at him. He wanted to hug you. Pull you in, rub your back, stroke your hair and promise you that it would never happen again. But he had promised himself that it would never happen in the first place before. 

You were always the one comforting him. This was the first time he had done it for you, made even worse that he was the reason you needed to be comforted. 

You let out a whimper and wiped away your oncoming tears. “Yelling just scares me and hearing it from you-” 

Saeran stepped towards you, grabbing your shoulder and pulling you against his torso. You could feel how tense he was; you were practically leaning against a wooden plank. He was really trying. 

“I… I promise I’ll try better next time. I don’t like you being scared of me or seeing you like this and knowing it was me. It won’t happen again,” 

You looked up at him, and he patted your head on instinct. You furrowed your eyebrows, too confused to really be scared anymore. 

If anything was gonna make Saeran seem less scary, it was gonna be his concerned eyes as he struggled to comfort you. “You’re trying right now, huh?” 

“I am. And I promise I’ll try harder.” 

“Can I have a kiss?” 

He leaned down and kissed you. “Do you want to go watch TV? So I can make it up to you.” 

You nodded and as you cuddled into his side, holding onto his hand tightly, Saeran pulled out his phone. 

He wrote out an email to his therapist: 

Can we move up my appointment? 

He was gonna try better. He wouldn’t do this again. 

V

January 26th… The week of their anniversary

Or at least it would’ve been

Don’t get it twisted. He loved you. More than he had ever loved anyone else before. He would never trade his experiences with you for her. 

But it was the week of their anniversary. 

That Sunday was supposed to be their wedding date. 

Monday was explainable. 

People just want their alone time sometimes 

So was Tuesday… 

And Wednesday… sort of 

But four days of your boyfriend that you lived with not talking to you?

That was not alright 

You made more of an effort Friday, hoping that if you pushed him for a conversation, he would speak up about whatever was bothering him 

You both had been home for about five hours now. You had tried starting a conversation about ten different times. 

You couldn’t anymore. 

If you talked again, your voice would probably crack. So you went into the bathroom, cried it out, and went to bed early. 

Both you and V were praying for this week to end. 

Sunday was their anniversary, and V told himself that everything would be normal afterwards. 

But Saturday was your breaking point 

When V left for rehearsal, you got your phone, dialed Seven’s number, and sat down on your bed. 

“Hey ho! What’s up, MC?” 

Does Seven even know?... “Has V told you anything this week?” 

“What?” Seven asked, and you could hear him shuffling around on the other end. “Is something wrong?” 

Shit you were already crying. You wiped at your nose and sniffled to clear it. “N-Nothing. He’s just been really quiet this past week, so I was worried.” 

“Quiet?” 

“Yeah, he hasn’t really talked to me at all really,” you confessed. Hating that your tears were running down your face. Holding in your emotions was like trying to stop a tsunami with a spoon. Your voice cracked, and you hoped that Seven was dumb enough -just this once- to just let it slide. “I was just wondering if he talked to you about anything that I should be worried about.” 

“MC, are you crying?” he asked. 

“Is that a yes or no, Seven?” 

“MC-” 

“Seven!” you snapped back before covering your mouth to keep any sounds from escaping. “I’m sorry for yelling. But has he?” 

“No…” 

“Okay, thanks for talking to me though. I hope you have a nice day.” You heard him try to say your name, but you hung up before he could finish. He called a couple more times, but you ignored it. 

You cleaned yourself up and went to work 

Your chest was heavy when you got home, and V cleared his throat as you took off your shoes 

“Hi,” you said, “Have you picked what to have for dinner?” 

He stared at you for a moment with furrowed eyebrows. “Uh… I was stuck between the Chinese place and pizza place.” 

“I’m good with either.” 

It was silent for a few moments as you went through the mail, avoiding looking at him. “I talked with Luciel today.” 

There it was… 

“Can we talk?” 

You nodded and sat down at the table. 

You spoke up before he could. “Why have you been distant this week?” 

“My anniversary and expectant wedding date with Rika is Sunday,” V explained, “I was reminded of her, and my first instinct was to distance myself again.” 

You wanted to be mad at him, but you understood it. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m… getting better. I wouldn’t say I’m good, but better than the beginning of this week,” V said 

You took a deep breath, hating the burning in your throat as tears appeared in your eyes. “You could’ve just said that, and I wouldn’t have pushed you to talk more about it,” you breathed out and wiped at your face, “I thought…” 

He furrowed his eyebrows and grabbed your hand. “You thought what?” 

“Sometimes I worry that you’re only with me because I was conveniently there when you were going through everything,” you confessed. And he felt his chest tighten. “So when you did pull away from me, even though it was just for a moment… I was scared.... I was scared that you realized that too,” 

He leaned over and kissed you, tasting the salt from your tears. “I promise, I love with all my heart. I appreciate that you were there for me, and I cared about you then. But I’ve fallen in love with you a little bit every day, over and over and over again since then,” 

You smiled at him as crying took over again, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. He held you as tears wet his shirt, rubbing your back as you did. “I love you,” you said into his neck, the words garbled. 

“I love you too,” V whispered. “And I’ll remind you of that everyday if I need to.”

Saeyoung

Saeran was hurting right now. Saeyoung knew that. He was just scared. It was scary to be in the mental health ward. To be away from Mint Eye, all he knew for years. 

But when Saeran yelled at him… That he abandoned his brother. He hurt everyone around him. That Saeran was better dead than with his brother. 

That Saeyoung didn’t deserve love. The only thing he was good at was corrupting people. 

… It was hard to not let it sink in. 

Because Saeran was just saying everything Saeyoung had told himself before. 

So Saeyoung was silent as he drove home. You and Vanderwood were working today, so he was silent as he cooked dinner. 

And he was silent when you came home. Only saying hi and that dinner was done before grabbing his plate and eating at his desk. 

There was a pit in your stomach as you followed him. “Is something wrong?” 

“No.” 

“Then why are you avoiding me?” you asked. 

“God. Why are you even still here?” he snapped, turning to look at you. His eyes weren’t even angry just… empty. “You had your party. Mint Eye is gone. The agency isn’t after me… so why are you still here?”

And then he turned around to face his screen again. 

That pit in your stomach had traveled all across your body. And god was it heavy. 

Your throat burned. 

The walls were closing in on you. 

And there was Seven. Just sitting at his desk typing. 

You wrapped your arms around you. Making yourself smaller, as if that would save you from the suffocation. 

You were just frozen. Slowly you stepped out of your shared room and walked to the front door. 

Silent, just like he was, you stepped outside. 

As if the fresh air was caffeine, your body woke up, letting the tears run down your face. 

You stumbled into the lawn outside and sat down, letting the damp grass cool your burning skin. You covered your mouth as you sobbed. 

Over and over again. Sobs and whimpers, muffled by your hand, would rack your body. You would finally calm down and take a deep breath. And the coldness would burn your throat and set you off again. 

A headache echoed in your head as you laid on the grass, staring up at the stars. Finally too exhausted to keep up the crying. They reminded you of Saeyoung. 

Fuck him for ruining stars for you. 

“What the hell are you doing, kid?” Vanderwood asked as he crouched next to your laying body. 

“Looking at the stars.” Your voice was raspy, barely there after your meltdown. 

“Are you okay?” they asked as they sat down next to you. “It’s late, ya know? It’s not safe out here.” 

“I’m not going inside.” 

“Hey-” 

“Thanks for your concern.” 

With a huff, they stood up, and you heard the security questions before the door opened. It shut. Crickets. 

The door opened again. And someone sat next to you with a sigh. You’d recognize that cologne anywhere. You pulled your knees up to your chest and wrapped your arms around them, refusing to look at him. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things.” 

“It’s not even what you said. It’s how you said it,” you responded, still avoiding his gaze. “It was like we were back in that fucking apartment.” 

“What?” 

“I was back in that fucking apartment. There was a bomb, a kidnapper, and you refused to even look at me. Everything was out of control. I felt like the exact same bomb was in the bunker back there. It was just happening around me- to me. All I could do was just wait. Just sit there waiting!” 

Unlike before, where he didn’t want to say, now he couldn’t speak. What was he going to say? Was there something he could say?

You were so calm the entire time you were at the apartment. Crying only after Saeran broke in. At least the only time he saw. How many times did you cry when he wasn’t looking? He thought he was the only one freaking out because you seemed to only be focused on him. 

But you couldn’t control the bomb. Couldn’t stop Saeran. Stop Rika. Couldn’t even tell the RFA the truth. 

But you wanted to help him. That was the only thing you could do. 

Seven didn’t see the panic attacks in the shower. Or you crying into your pillow. 

“I can’t do this again Seven. I can handle all of it. But not this. I can’t just sit here and watch you do this all over again. Over and over and over again! I can’t-” You sobbed, and Seven pulled you into his chest. 

He shut his eyes to keep his own tears from falling. Your back rose up and down as you gasped for air, his shirt becoming wet. 

Seven rubbed your back slowly and kissed the top of your head. You pulled away; your eyes finally dry. “I won’t push you away again. I promise I won’t cut you out.” 

“Saeyoung…” you mumbled. 

“No. I mean it,” he said. “I’ll do whatever it takes. I won’t shut you out again. I won’t make you go through that again.” 

He looked you in the eye with a smile that disappeared for a moment. “I promise, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

“Do you want to stay out here or go inside?” 

“I want to stay out here a little longer.” 

“That’s fine.” He held your hand as you laid out on the grass again

[yarichinbokutoclub]

The train was packed. Who knew so many people would be milling about at 1 o’clock on a Wednesday afternoon. You hated it, being around so many people, but with your job at the museum you had learned to tolerate the crowds. This, however, was different, you were crammed in a tiny cabin with God knows how many other people. Don’t these people have work to do? It is a week day after all. So, to put things lightly, your day did not start off on a good note.

           You were, however, looking forward to the Café’s opening. It was your light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. With the café being a bit of a hole in the wall and lacking any media presence you knew it would not attract much of a crowd. The perfect place to work on your botany journal (basically just a journal with different plant clippings and facts and drawings. Think Hiccup’s journal in HTYD or Deku’s journal in BNHA.) You were really looking forward to the new pages you could add now that the museum had gotten in some new flora, that of course they let you be the first to see. The journal was a great help when you were giving tours as you wanted to be as thorough as possible in hopes that you might inspire a bright young mind, like what had happened to you so many years ago.

           The train finally came to a stop and you couldn’t have been more grateful. You got off as quickly as possible and stopped to take a deep breath, really appreciating the fresh air and the open space around you. After you got your bearings, you adjusted your outfit (gotta look good in case there are any cute boys at the café ;)) and got on your way. The café was only about 5 blocks from the train station so it didn’t take you long to get there at all. You turned off the main street onto a little side one, almost like an alley, and towards the end you saw the café.

           The vibe was immaculate. It was everything you could have wished for and more, no crowds and books everywhere, what’s not to love? Taking a deep breath to prepare yourself, you pushed open the front door. A small bell above you jingled to signal your arrival and you were immediately met with not only the eyes of your best friend, Yachi, but also a pair of wide yellow eyes which seemed to be taking in your appearance. Blushing, you tried not to think much of it and made your way to the counter and greeted the cute barista that you knew so well. “Yachi!!! You look so adorable in your apron.” you exclaimed upon getting to the counter, mindful of your volume of course. “Y/n, you actually came!” Yachi replied with a big grin.

“I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to check this place out and bug you on your first day. ;P Speaking of, how has it been, any rude customers yet?”

“It’s been a lot slower than we would have hoped but everyone has been really polite, I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better first day. Anyways, I should probably get back to work. What can I get you? I’ll bring it to your table when it’s ready.”

Yachi, always the positive one and a hard worker too. Scanning over the menu you quickly make your decision. “I’ll have a hot caramel latte and a blueberry muffin! Oh an make sure you do something extra cute for the latte art!!”

“Only the best for you, y/n! I’ll have it right out!”

           With that you made your way to a table near a window so you could attempt to people watch without being near any of the other patrons. It was a quiet corner just the way you liked. However, you could still feel those big yellow eyes on you. Looking up you finally made eye contact with the man who had been staring you down and boy was he cute. You could tell he was athletic too, giving him a curt smile you turned back to your table and pulled out your journal. Maybe this could be where you find your wattpad romance after all. Or so you thought.

           Yachi brought out your order and you got to journaling about the newest flower in the museum’s greenhouse, the Cytandra Vittata or Candy-Striped Violet. Particularly excited about this one due to the flower’s incredible beauty and unique petals, you made sure to put extra care into the pages. You were having a great time, the coffee was amazing and the atmosphere was perfect for getting your work done. That is until HE decided to stop staring at you and go back to reading his manga. Whatever it was, it must have been incredibly interesting because he was… engrossed to say the least.

           Not only did he seem to zone everything around him out, forgetting where he was, but he also felt the need to verbally or physically react to just about everything that was happening in his childish story. He was annoying, sure, but not loud enough to where he could be considered “disturbing the peace” even though he was certainly disturbing YOUR peace. Every two seconds there was an “oooh” or an “ahhhh” maybe even a “WHAT?!” thrown in there. Your patience was certainly running thin and you made sure to glare at him a few times, even hushing him along with the other patrons, but he just was not getting the hint. The next page must have had a huge plot twist or surprise thrown in there because this response, it was the most dramatic. Abruptly, he stood up out of his chair, knocking it to the ground in the process. His eyes were even bigger than before (was that even possible?) and he yelled (yes, this time it was a yell). His exact words were “NO!!! IT WAS HER BROTHER ALL ALONG?! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!.” Spoilers, am I right?

           At this you had had enough. Sure, you didn’t like confrontation, but it didn’t seem like anyone else was going to step in and you knew Yachi would be a nervous wreck if she had to. So, you marched over to his table with the most aggressive scowl you think you have ever sported on your face.

“Are you trying to piss off everyone in the store?! Because you’re doing a really good job if that was your plan!” You screamed at the stranger’s face.

He looked up at you confusion written all over his face. “…Huh?” he questioned.

“Are you trying to tell me you have no idea what you’ve been doing for the past 30 minutes?? Because I don’t buy it. You’re being incredibly loud and rude and you need to stop. This is not the place for that. Some people are trying to get work down and you’re making it incredibly difficult. If you wanna read your manga fine do it but do it quietly. Save the theatrics for your bedroom.” you weren’t trying to be mean but you couldn’t help it. Once you start talking you can’t stop yourself and this time you went a little too far. His hair seemed to deflate, something you certainly didn’t miss because was that even possible?

“I’m sorry miss, I didn’t realize I was being so loud I’ll try to quiet down.” He replied with a huge pout on his face.

“Thank you.” You replied and promptly turned on your heels to go back to the violet you were so excited to study.

           Everything was going smoothly now, sure you didn’t mean to be that harsh and you could’ve asked him nicely but your anger took over and you couldn’t help it, though you did feel a bit bad. It certainly didn’t help that your day had started out as poorly as it did and you were so looking forward to the peace and quiet of the café, something that had been so rudely ripped away from you. Another 15 minutes passed by and the silence was amazing, you made some real progress in your journal, even completing a detailed sketch of the flower. After the 15 minutes was up however, the reactions started to seep back out from the yellow eyed man again. He seemed to be over his pouting now. His reactions, although much quieter this time were still quite annoying. You decided to ignore them though, thinking you had been a little too harsh the first time around, and hoping he just slipped up and will go back to being quiet. This, however, was not the case and the disruptions continued for another 10 minutes when you decided you better just leave. Fate is tricky and maybe you just weren’t fated to be at the café today, meaning you’ll try again tomorrow after work. You said your goodbyes to Yachi and made your way to the train station, looking forward to the peace and quiet of your apartment and the soft cuddles of your two cats, Kyo and Tohru.

           What you didn’t know, was that Yachi, deciding it was time to be bold, went over to the loud and excitable customer. She decided it best, for business and for her own sanity, if she politely asked him to leave. And she did just that. The man apologized and made his way out of the café feeling a bit defeated but determined to come back again and next time hopefully not get kicked out.

fear & love

4. series of unfortunate events

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masterlist

PLOT - y/n is in her first year of college at tokyo u., she has a great friend group, a fantastic internship, life is good… that is until she meets bokuto koutarou. this loud and brash volleyball star is about to turn y/n’s life upside down. the question is, will it be a good change or a bad one?

a/n - Im gonna be honest, not really loving this fic but I am pretty happy with how this chapter turned out, as always any advice is welcomed and pls if there's anything you want to see happen just ask!

taglist (open, send an ask) - @dumbb1tc4 @fleurishnblotts@coffeeaddictedmay@bigchaosenergy @noliamallpayne @evan-rose​ @bokutowo​

BOLD COULDNT BE TAGGED

[unfortunatelysirius]

╰☆☆ ℕ𝕆𝕋 𝕐𝕆𝕌ℝ 𝔾𝕀ℝ𝕃𝔽ℝ𝕀𝔼ℕ𝔻 ☆☆╮ [Sirius Black – Marauders Era] [Part 14]

Previous Installments: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13

╰❂╮ prompt ╰❂╮ ☾ ¡Original! ☾ With the perpetrator on their tail, and Sirius’s prejudices no longer something that can be ignored, relationships shatter and a safe way out is near unimaginable. ╰❂╮ author’s note ╰❂╮ Sorry this is so, so late. I hope the installment is to your satisfaction. AND IM SORRY IT’S SO SHORT BUT PLS, FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED AND I’LL BE MORE PROMPT ON UPDATES. Will be updating Chocolate Frogs and Love Notes soon. Tell me if you want added to any of my tag-lists! ╰❂╮ warnings ╰❂╮ Angst, Swearing, Violence ╰❂╮ word count ╰❂╮ 2043 ╰❂╮ tag-list ╰❂╮ @kapolisradomthoughts @rageofcaliban @saucyleftovers @bunnymother93 @siriuslyr5 @apareciumimagines  @random-quartz @ruefulposts @seabasstiantrash @starlightspidey @pinkettepoet @peppermintspecks @jiongyongguk​ @bethanystan​ @raindancer2004​ @where-are-my-gummy-bears​ @cutebutnotinorcent​

           IT WAS NEARLY MIDNIGHT, and a disturbing sort of cold Y/N thought she might never experience in her lifetime, shivers up and down her spine within the dark, suffocating corridor. The stars were like silver dewdrops splattered across the navy sky, visible through each old window’s silhouette littered around the castle; with every passing step, Y/N caught another glimpse of Nature’s finest canvas. She was curled into Sirius’s side, squished between his subtly muscled body and James’s near-identical shape, both Remus and Peter trailing the three of them by seconds. It was reminiscent of times that seemed so far away.

         Y/N thought it was all too good to be true. Everything, from her and Sirius falling back into same-old, same-old routine like they’d never left the honeymoon phase to James looking quite sullen compared to his usual upbeat, enthusiastic self. She wondered if it was all a twist on reality to make her think things were fine when really, Sirius wasn’t anywhere near, James still hated her, and the Marauders were leading her somewhere to hex and discard their latest “conquest.”  It made all the more sense the longer she thought about it, but thoughts of the way Sirius felt—flesh, bone, whole—made her realize she was daft, and just a little bit mad.

         He was so obviously here, a living, breathing wonder, and she was trying to make it a mirage. She wanted it that way.

         Or maybe she’d just went long enough with things going wrong that miracles seemed far too good to be true.

         “I have to meet with Regulus,” murmured Y/N into the quiet air, after the silence became a tad bit too smothering. She was also alert of her own negligence, from her delirious daze to her angry soul’s demands for an apology, as Sirius’s arm looped around her became a bone-crushing reality. Not so much a reality she craved anymore, but one that needed multiple bandages slapped across it; the Muggle way of rekindling old flames and licked wounds. Y/N was beginning to grow agitated and nervous, as this reality crushed down on her. As her newly-put-together world fell apart in the wake of unanswered questions. “He—wants to help. He thinks I was Obliviated.”

         Sirius glanced down at her, looking unsure, his own face not betraying the inner turmoil running their world ragged. The two of them didn’t know how to approach their current problem, the one that kept them from falling together as happy memories asked them to; Y/N was afraid of what lay in wait, Sirius’s admittance that he thought so lowly of her that for even a millisecond he thought she might have been a slag, and Sirius dreaded the moment he had to let his betrayal out into the open. Neither of them were willing to ruin their reconciliation by simple, trivial ire, the kind that winded up someone alone and heartbroken, the kind that could get anyone and everyone hurt.

         Even the most painful of thoughts were best kept internalized, if it meant staying locked tight in a dream.

         Even now, the two of them were so different. Differences Y/N once overlooked in favor of what made them compatible.  

“Regulus doesn’t care about anyone except for himself,” Sirius snapped at Y/N, the three Marauders looking nervous in anticipation for the argument to come. “He’s a Slytherin. The bloody git is tricking you.”

         “How the fuck would you know?” Y/N was never one for confrontation. This was all new territory. She was tired, and depressed, and dying of questions; she loved Sirius, she did, but he was still the prejudiced, arrogant prat he was before they started dating. He’d always hate Slytherins because he grew up in a world full of snakes that rejected him for being who he was, and maybe that was a drawn line for why they weren’t meant to last. He was the charismatic, hateful railroad tycoon, and she was his subdued wife that tiptoed around his temper. Stupid, foolish—she was letting herself use another goddamned Muggle analogy—Americanized, no less. Maybe Y/N was running low on a lucid mind as much as she was excuses.

         He knows nothing about Regulus, she thought anyway, looking into those silver grey eyes she’d always loved. Sirius didn’t. He refused to talk to his brother; maybe Regulus was growing into himself and losing that part of him that preened and prawned from pleasing his parents. If he was scared, if he was determined to find the truth because he wanted to sabotage dark plans, he never once betrayed it. But deep down, there was nothing else rational to explain his motivations, and Y/N knew he was a scared little boy afraid the monsters would someday catch up to him—

And they’d eat him alive like all wolves just so happen to do.

“Regulus is your brother,” continued Y/N. “He doesn’t want to be part of whatever it is your parents do. I can see it in his eyes.”

“You didn’t grow up with him. You didn’t see him do nothing when his brother was lying on the ground, with their father standing above him,” seethed Sirius. “Don’t act like you know him; you sure as hell don’t.”

Y/N felt like crying, as she wrenched herself away from Sirius’s warm, comforting embrace. “Don’t act like you know me,” she spat. Sirius’s jaw fell downwards, a flicker of hurt flitting across his face. “Go mope in your dorm. I’m getting down to the bottom of this, with or without you.”

Sirius was silent. Y/N continued to watch him, imploring him to say something, wishing he wouldn’t just let her leave. If she left, she could get hurt, and Sirius wouldn’t be her knight in shining armor. They went so long in turmoil that Y/N wanted there to be some sort of compromise; if they could argue and fight for so long, the two a mess with their friends on the fence on how to fix them, then they sure as hell could be soft and melted together, too. Maybe they were different, maybe Sirius couldn’t let his old ways go, but truth be told—Y/N always wanted to show him a new perspective.

She’d tried doing that before things went wrong.

“Really, Sirius?” she said now, staring brokenly at him. “We could finally figure this out, and you’re backing down? Really?”

“Whoever’s done this is dangerous,” Sirius told her. His voice had lost all its shake, all its fury, rendered a new sort of mellow Y/N had hardly ever seen from him. He looked like he itched to hold her and reassure he was just an asshat, but his asshat ways betrayed none of his true love for her, or his need to protect her. None, nada, zilch: right? He was a teenage boy, a prat, but he didn’t mean anything out of his pathetically unfiltered mouth. “I want you safe, Y/N. We should leave this to the professors.”        

Those words were foreign out of his mouth. Y/N took a heavy breath and she said, “Sirius, do you even hear yourself? Merlin, what’s happened to you?”

“What’s happened to me? Me?” Sirius’s laugh was humorless. “You’re bloody mad.”

“Sirius, Y/N, this isn’t the best time,” said Remus, looking between the two with apprehension.

“This is the best time, Remus,” Y/N said, refusing to look at any of them. She knew Peter was fidgeting; she knew James was gap-mouthed like a pufferfish; she knew Remus was trying to hide his trepidation. She knew Sirius was silently seething. All of them, they weren’t clearly thinking. They didn’t have their nerves together. Y/N was terrified that solving the bottom of the mystery would never come if they fell apart before they came together. But Y/N could no longer go on if her experience with the love of her life was only going to be heartache and pain, two things she had felt since coming to this God-awful school.

You’re not any better than him, thought Y/N, her brain suddenly going to Ashton. He was dead, and she’d never get to see him again; she’d never get to tell him she was sorry, that she never meant to use him, that he was someone she came to love in her desperation to feel. He taught her about love. He taught her that it was okay to be without for a little while because wholes always regain their lost pieces. Maybe he threw her into an abyss after he broke her heart that left her sad and lost of all hope, but now, with her head on her shoulders again, she could safely say he taught her a lot—yet she gained nothing.

Y/N was happy with Sirius, but he did not teach her anything. He was a fun partner in crime, but when it truly came down to life lessons, he wasn’t a teacher; he was along for the ride, a mere passenger in a bus packed to the brim with faces from the crowd.

Standing in the hallway, letting these thoughts wash over her, Y/N could not do this anymore. She needed to find Regulus and reach the climax of this game. Someone was toying with her and her feelings, and if she didn’t put a stop to it, if she didn’t find a way to draw the villain out and stifle the madness, there was no way for her to get peace—and she’d stay stuck in an endless cycle of being a living ghost.

“I can’t anymore, Sirius,” whispered Y/N. “I can’t.”

She turned around and ran.

The Marauders watched after her, one looking horrified, two looking shocked, and the one this mattered to most—he looked heartbroken.

And none of them even bothered to go after her, as the guilt sunk in and they realized—

Was the love-potion maker truly the villain? Or was it them?

-

Y/N had stopped running after reaching the fourth corridor. She eventually stopped walking altogether. Her pace slowed until it was nonexistent, her harsh, shaking breaths fell into soundless sniffs, her erratic thoughts slowly but surely came to a close. All she could think about now was Regulus, who was waiting at the library for her presence. And that half-blurry, half-familiar memory of a white-haired girl in the very same forest Y/N was in herself

Y/N knew it mattered. She knew she’d been Obliviated, and she was foolish not to go to Headmaster Dumbledore for help in retrieving her memories… but she was a foolish girl, and foolish girls wanted to figure out mysteries by themselves.

“I’m a bloody fool,” mumbled Y/N to herself, clutching her head like that would heal all trace of confusion, as well as her sadness. It wouldn’t, but it felt like it did—so Y/N continued to grope at her temples and scalp. The corridor echoed with spooky creaks and even spookier whistles. Y/N felt regret seep into her bones, as she realized she was still a bit of ways away from the library—and she was totally, utterly, completely alone.

Y/N heard someone laugh.

“You are a bloody fool,” they said.

Out from the end of the corridor emerged a girl, whose entire face and hair were obscured by shadows—but the pretty little patch on her robes had a snake on them. Y/N knew it was a Slytherin. But all she saw was the patch, as her body and face were near invisible—and even then, the patch’s emblazoning was blurry to her. She felt her head grow light, her eyes squinting to see within the darkness. She was so caught in looking at the patch to even pay any regard to the words the stranger spoke or the wand as it lifted, pointing right at Y/N’s chest.

“Who are—”

The girl flicked her wrist. “Stupefy,” she said.

Suddenly Y/N was knocked off her feet by a powerful spell, the backlash sending her head cracking against the corridor wall, rendering her immobile and near-unconscious.

She felt her body crumble, but only half of the way—a steady stream of numbness shooting through her like lightning.

         The stranger walked up, a laugh emptying from her mouth.

“Got you!” the girl sang happily.

That was when things went black.

[bornformischief]

Imagine Loki comforts you when your parents get drunk and fight, and your abusive mother blames you (fluff)

Warnings: mention of mental abuse, alcoholism

Chapter no./oneshot: one shot

(y/n) was sitting in her room scrolling through youtube. She felt the muscles in her shoulder contract painfully. She has been sitting like this for a hours now. Since the pandemic started online school has pretty much destroyed her whole routine. She tries so hard to wake up early in the morning, eat healthy , exercises more but it feels as though she is in a constant state of exhaustion. 

The environment in her home doesn’t help either. Her dad is currently unemployed and her mom is facing problems in her office and to make it even better they are both alcoholic. Always have been. For as long as (y/n) can remember, her parents have had the habit of starting their evening with a glass of whiskey , talking about their day . All would be nice and peaceful but the night wouldn’t end like that. More often than not they would end up having a fight. Somedays it would be about something  trivial and on other days they would be on the verge on hitting each other.

Her mother was especially abusive towards her. Since she was a child she recalled her mother getting drunk and blaming (y/n) for her miserable life and telling her how much of a terrible husband her father is. (y/n) and her dad share a deep emotional connection, probably because they are both introverts. He was the only one who truly understood her but he had hurt her too on many occasions. To say the least her childhood was traumatic. Some nights she would cry herself to sleep because of how bad the situation would become. Tonight was one of those nights. The moment (y/n) heard her parent’s voice rise, her heart dropped. She slowly walked out of the room, her whole body filled with dread. What she saw was what she had seen a thousand times. Her parents yelling at each other, blaming each other for what they were going through today. She tried to calm them down and persuade them to go sleep, which is when her mother directed her anger towards her. She told her that she was a useless and stupid person just like her dad. (y/n) had promised herself that whatever happens she will not cry in front of her mother , she will not let her think she was weak so she clenched her jaw to stop it from quivering and walked back to her room. But as soon as she closed the door tears started falling down her cheeks. She turned the lights off and lied on the bed on her side. She covered her mouth with her hands so her mother wouldn’t be able to hear her cry. She could feel a deep pain in her chest as if her heart had literally been broken. Just then she felt an arm wrap around her waist. She freaked out at first but then she realised it was Loki ,her Loki. The person who understood her better than anyone else. She turned around and hid her face in his neck and started to cry uncontrollably. Loki didn’t say a word and just held her against his chest , slowly rubbing her back. After a while he ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her head. He shushed her and said “ its okay love , I’m here”. Those words although simple, soothed her and she began breathing normally again. Loki’s gentle touch made her want to lie in his arms forever, away from her dysfunctional family. She had starved for a touch like his for many years. Her voice was barely a whisper , “ It hurts loki , it hurts so much. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.” 

“ I know darling , I know how much it hurts you to see your parents like this. Im so sorry you have to go through this but I know that in a few years you will find your passion and create a beautiful life of your own. You will be able to build a home for yourself that brings you peace and happiness.”

“ But what if I can’t Loki , what if I am just as worthless as my mother thinks I am. What if I am stuck here forever.”

“ Listen to me (y/n), don’t you dare call yourself worthless again , do you understand? You are the kindest and most determined person I’ve ever met. You will build a wonderful life for yourself, you will just have to work a little hard and take care of yourself and I will be with you every step of the way.”

“ I love you Loki”

“ I love you too sweetheart, now go to sleep ,its very late and you have stop spending so much time on that stupid metal box, it disturbs your sleep.”

“ It’s called a laptop” you chuckled

“ Right- the laptop” 

“ Goodnight Loki”

“ Goodnight my love”

(y/n) felt her eyelids get heavy and she slowly fell asleep in his arms , feeling safe and loved than she had ever felt in her entire  life. Loki held her close like she was the most precious thing in the universe, and for him she was.

[tiredandtoothless]

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 5 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

Thanks for the tag @wildlingoftarth​ !

Name/nickname: i go by lark when i’m doing fandom things 🐠

Gender: i’m a woman but i’ve got a lil bit of a momma’s boy vibe

Star sign: pisces (my big three are pisces/cancer/cancer—yes, i know 💀)

Height: 5′2″ (sometimes 5′3″ if i really try)

Birthday: march 4

Time: three in the afternoon

Favorite bands: parquet courts, war, cymande, talking heads, X, TLC, los pasteles verdes, molchat doma—honestly i could do this all day so let’s just stop there lmao. i’m especially obsessed with parquet courts & have been for the last few years.

Favorite solo artists: oh god... ok: selena, donna summer, angel olsen, sza, mitski, juan gabriel, grazia, rico nasty, ty segall, marvin gaye, chilo escobedo, BRANDY (my first celeb crush), janet jackson, lennie tristano, gal costa, nao, julieta venegas, and barbara mason are the people i usually listen to at least once a week. questions like these are hard for me tbh!!

Song stuck in my head: kubes by machinegum

Last movie: the holy mountain by alejandro jodorowsky, aka Blasphemy: the Movie. (it was SO good honestly i feel like i could talk about this movie for hours—definitely disturbing at points tho, so if you want to watch, i’d suggest googling a summary first)

Last show: los espookys!!! one of the most perfect seasons of television ever made.

When did I create this blog: only a few months ago! i had been writing fic for myself for a while and was starting to think about posting it, so i made this tumblr. but before that, i was on here constantly 2009ish—2014ish.

What do I post: bro why would u ask me this. how am i supposed to know.

Last thing googled: tartan wool coats. i need a new one bc it’s my trademark (lmao i’m an asshole) and i singed my last one on nochebuena 😬

Other blogs: just this one!

Do I get asks: not really! unless i do one of those ask games. but i love getting random bullshit in my inbox so feel free to ask away

Why I chose my url: it’s part of my favorite line from my favorite parquet courts song (n. dakota): post-nordic grinning/tired and toothless. idk why i love that line so much? it just really speaks to me.

Following: 152

Followers: 130—we love round numbers in this house

Average hours of sleep: we do not speak of this... 🙃 (i go through bouts of insomnia and am a notorious accidental-nap taker)

Lucky number: 4. sidenote: idk ANYTHING about math but i could def write a book about my opinions re: numbers because i am sick in the head (certified)

Instruments: i haven’t touched an instrument in like four years, but i used to play most brass instruments (trumpet was the first instrument i ever picked up and i miss it!), a little bit of piano, and the drums. i tried to learn bass once, but it was difficult so i gave up almost immediately.

What am I wearing: a big-ass flannel button-up and my favorite yellow socks

Dream job: producing tv or working as a curator at a museum (fun fact: i am maybe going to museum school next year)

Dream trip: i am DYING to go to oaxaca or accra in 2022

Favorite food: menudo

Nationality: american (derogatory)

Favorite song: oh honey by delegation. holy shit this song is SO GOOD. sounds like stars falling and honey flowing & feels like falling in love at a bbq in the middle of summer. no joke.

Last book read: lord of light by roger zelazny. it was really good, but i have mixed feelings about it.

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: 1) spirited away 2) sailor moon hellooooooo?! 3) octavia butler’s xenogenesis trilogy—is that darksided of me?! idk. it might be. but it seems like it’d be interesting.

Tagging @kulliare @virareve @forbiddenfantasies1 @aliveanddrunkonsunlight @it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined & whoever else wants to do this!

(sorry if i’m tagging anyone who’s already done this whoops)

xoxo

[acitybythelightdivided2006]

on edelgard, and some of the various gotchas people use to discredit her (major spoilers for the whole game):

im gonna keep it real. edelgard was like, 98% in the moral right for her actions.

“she’s a fascist!”

hardly if at all. starting a war doesn’t make you a fascist in the slightest, and her ideology falls far closer to various forms of representative democracy than anything close to fascism. considering various CF endings do corroborate her goals working out, albeit long-term. even before democracy can set into the land, edelgard has the conscience to appoint commoners to positions of power, e.g. manuela becoming prime minister in her and ferdinand’s ending. a power-hungry tyrant probably isn’t going to step down immediately after feeling her work is done, because a tyrant’s only work is maintaining their strength above the people.

"she's an imperialist!”

sure, but her motivations AND end results do not reflect any past real-world imperialism. there is no historical parallel from her to imperialism that relates so much as there is from her to revolutionaries like napoleon (or even lenin), made even clearer by the knowledge that rhea and the church hold a cultural grip over the entire continent and the war is specifically against the church. almyra is never stated to have problems with the leicester alliance so much as they do fodlan as a whole - it just happens that theyre closest to the alliance rather than anyone else. this dichotomy between fodlan and almyra is further acknowledged by a personal problem written by cyril in part 2, where he specifies that people view the two continents separately rather than the alliance versus almyra separately. anyway, regardless of any historical parallels, this is not a retelling of actual history; you can take edelgard’s actions at face value for what they are.

“but this is a narrative written in japan, surely there are sympathies for japan’s imperialist history at play here?”

imperial japan was far from edelgard’s empire. edelgard fights for democracy (or meritocracy, if you prefer) and liberation. imperial japan fought for control and resources. also, do not assume a japanese writer discussing imperialism and war as a theme is automatically drawing parallels to hypothetical sympathies.

"her war is worse than any stagnation rhea was responsible for!"

the crest system suffocated the populace and tortured the nobility alike. any look at the noble students’ supports corroborate this. this stagnation lasted for 1000 years already, and even rhea agrees that her actions over the past millennia were inexcusable in silver snow. this is hardly mentioning the fact that there are various skirmishes and revolts before the war begins, such as lonato’s rebellion. five years of explicit unrest resulting in a golden age taking place (on every route, not just crimson flower) proves that rhea’s rule was stifling the continent.

“edelgard’s actions are overtly violent, disturb the peace, and kill innocent lives!”

while nobody would deny that yes, a warring faction is going to commit atrocities in said war (which is a trait shared by every faction in the game) edelgard nonetheless avoids needless conflict when it is available to do so and vastly prefers to keep civilians out of the picture in said conflicts. by far the best example of this is at the final chapter of crimson flower where she openly gives rhea, her primary enemy in the war, a chance to surrender without any violence required. fighting only begins when rhea sets flame to the city in her violent rage. this is after the fact that edelgard can also spare a vast amount of her former classmates, most notably claude and lysithea. the only reason she kills dimitri in CF outright is because she realizes that dimitri has wasted his life focused on nothing more than revenge, and realizes that he needs to be put out of his misery - the same reason she does not clue him into the truth of the tragedy of duscur, because she realizes that killing him after destroying his entire worldview is needless cruelty. speaking of dimitri, another example of this on a different route is the fact that she is not the aggressor against dimitri in azure moon - he is essentially a wrench in her plan to unify fodlan and establish her goals.

“she starts the war on a false narrative! her understanding of the nemesis/seiros conflict is not true!”

yes, edelgard’s understanding of the conflict is untrue. however, the facts of the matter are known only by rhea, and perhaps seteth and flayn as well. regardless of edelgard’s understanding of the nemesis/seiros conflict being incorrect, that is hardly the reason she starts the war. she starts the war specifically out of a desire to eradicate the corrupt crest system that ruined her and countless other peoples’ lives and gave the agarthans reason to experiment on her, her siblings, and other nobles like lysithea, and to establish the commoners of the continent as independent.

“the adrestian empire’s past actions are unquestionably evil, like their control of brigid as a vassal state!”

yeah, and? edelgard’s actions are not the actions of her predecessors, and she even goes out of her way to rectify these mistakes. on the brigid example, she outright tells petra, who is there as a political prisoner, that brigid can gain independence for itself so long as they assist her in the war effort, which, on CF and routes where petra is not recruited to another faction, seems to happen rather cooperatively.

“she allies herself with the agarthans to further her goals, and if there’s any villainous faction in three houses, it’s TWSITD!”

if edelgard has one fatal flaw, it’s that she’s determined to a fault and needs to get things done quickly lest she dies as a result of her twin crests. while yes, she does indeed ally herself with the agarthans, it is through extremely gritted teeth and with the intent to dispose of them immediately after she is done using their resources. the ending of crimson flower outright says she wages further war specifically on this terrorist group.

“her disdain for rhea is based on a hatred for the nabateans as a whole!”

there are very few nabateans that edelgard ever even knows, and only one of them she ever shows malice towards, that being rhea. both flayn and seteth are able to be spared and edelgard bears no ill will towards them for their race so much as she does their affiliation with the church, and even then, as mentioned, edelgard consistently avoids violence that is unnecessary. as mentioned before, she does attempt to spare rhea’s life at the end of crimson flower, but is met instead with a city on fire.

“she’s responsible for the tragedy of duscur!”

maybe if you listen to dimitri’s entirely false understanding of the situation early in azure moon. she was barely an adolescent and had quite literally zero political power. dimitri needed a scapegoat and realizes the truth (or at least becomes far closer to realizing the truth) with byleth’s influence in azure moon.

“she employed kostas and his gang to kill claude and dimitri in the beginning of the game!”

yeahhh i said 98% for a reason lol

[iwritethat]

Jason Todd: Little Red Riding Hood

A/N: Another Halloween one lovelies!! 🎃

Warnings: Language, mildly suggestive themes

>>>>—————————>

Black Mask was extremely aggravating at this precise moment in time, of course the dealer always was but for Jason, now in particular, he had reached another level.

"Aw, Little Red Riding Hood is off her game." Roman taunted further.

The vigilante shot in frustration, the wistful gun smoke mirroring his anger perfectly - there was a reason for the unusual mockery but Jason hadn't figured it out yet.

"Fuck off old man, I'm not in the mood!"

A sudden whistle rebounded off of the walls, the action seemingly harmless at first glance leading Jason to reposition his twin pistols toward a cornered Black Mask once more wearing a smirk under his helmet.

Although, a low warning growl echoed in the silence drawing his attention and eliciting maniacal laughter from the master who called it - deadly crimson irises sparkling in the moonlight and silky matte black fur flowing with the oversized predators movements. An array of questions and string of curses ravaged Red's mind as it prowled around him, the play on Red Riding Hood making much more sense now faced with the Big Bad Wolf - how Roman Sionis acquired such a creature remaining unknown.

The beast displayed a healing factor, recovering from bullet wounds in record time as well as maintaining fluent speed and agility Jason could barely keep up with. Although, through cunning he was able to shoot overhead wires to send multiple heavy steel poles toppling down on the creature with a pained whine. Without waiting for the wolf to awaken, Red Hood was hunting Roman down to finally track him to his escape helicopter on the roof until holding him at gunpoint that is. However, when you stumbled through the door panting heavily and glaring at Black Mask - the villain found an alternate bargaining chip. A shrill scream escaped your lips once you felt the piercing bullet through your shoulder and caused you to lean against the doorframe holding your injury.

"You're such a dick Roman!" Venom laced your tone, practically spitting his name like the bile he was before fading into unconsciousness.

"Ah ah, now Red Riding Hood... you can kill me, or save the civilian." Black Mask held the upper hand, there is no way Red Hoods conscience would allow him to let an innocent die, you looked rough already with claw gashes decorating your clothing as well as the blood sinking down your torso. Probably a victim of that beast he'd fought earlier, leverage for some addict Roman dealt to who couldn't pay up - you were undeserving of this situation.

.

You awoke with a deep breathe, immediately sitting upright causing a brief dizzy spell. The surroundings were unfamiliar, various blankets coated your body as well as bandages encircling you waist and shoulder which were briskly removed revealing no signs of injury at all - quirks of a werewolf you suppose. However, such phenomenons would be considered suspicious by even Gotham standards and as a result you rewrapped them just in case.

At that moment a handsome young man strolled into your space, carrying clean bandages and pain killers, the sight surprising to see considering his less than emasculate association with Red Hood you supposed.

"You're up then stranger." Your only response was an acknowledging hum to which he didn't seem to mind. Although as soon a he reached for your wrapping you were quick to stand, backing away with a defensive stance.

"Don't touch me."

"Tch, you took a damn bullet! I’m gonna call the hospital." He chastised, not much care to his tone.

"No! I'm fine, the bandages are fine - thanks and I've gotta go."

"Then, I'm getting you back to wherever you came from or else Mask is just gonna hunt you down again dumbass. Luckily for you that bullet took out whatever device he planted in your shoulder." The stranger sarcastically replied, crossing his arms with an exasperated sigh.

You gently traced your shoulder, knowing he no longer had control over you anymore. "Heh, he has crap aim when he’s panicking and thanks Red but I’ll be doing the hunting.”

"The names Jason." He acted indifferent but you could hear his heartbeat increase.

"Red Hood, Jason - same thing, what would you prefer me to call you? Little Red Riding Hood perhaps?" You gave a mischievous smirk, both scents identical to your finely tuned nose. Jason looked defeated, released a bored sigh and disregarded all pretences.

"Tch. Anyway, Roman’s heading out to Santa Prisca in a few weeks so I’ve got that covered and you can be on your way.”

“Perfect, I owe him a bullet. Don’t even try to argue, I’m both resourceful and strong enough to get there on my own regardless - I also know the Santa Prisca base inside out.” You posed a valid justification, albeit still wasn’t enough for him to trust you but that meant you were on the same page.

“For fucks sake...” Any other time he would’ve left tag alongs behind but for some strange instinctive reason, he didn’t think that’d be an option with you.

.

It required teamwork, a gathering of intel and resources - some of which you acquired via intimidation, crimson irises and razor fangs were persuasive - not that you allowed your unwilling partner to bear witness to such atrocities. Although you suspected he had suspicions regarding your mysterious uncanny ability to retrieve answers yet chose to ignore it.

In time you found yourselves standing in the mist of Santa Prisca’s dense forestry under a veil of stars, you’d arrived later than expected and despite Jason’s determined nature you’d pestered him enough to let you rest until midnight. Of course at that point, you’d have additional power with the full moon revealing itself.

Unfortunately lighting a campfire left you at risk of being detected at such close proximity to their base, but it wasn’t an issue as your natural body temperature kept you warm and as a result you were curled up at the base of a tree in no time. However, your sleep was disturbed when a sudden rush of heat seeped through your body and upon opening your eyes caught a glimpse of Jason strolling away with a stretch before lying on the ground, arms tucked behind his head and gaze towed at the starry sky. Your brows furrowed, not sure as to why he’d felt the urge to drape his jacket over your sleeping form rather than keep it for himself - besides he needed it more. With a huff, you stood up and walked over to him only to throw it back on his chest.

“What the- it’s called chivalry!” Jason begrudgingly whisper yelled after jumping from the unexpected interruption.

“I can hear your teeth chattering from over there and I can’t sleep so shut up and warm up.” Was your heartless reply, smirking as your friend rolled his eyes but as you went back to your spot, it seemed his temperature hadn’t risen as much as you’d liked.

Again you returned, this time stripping your own jacket which left more of your heated skin exposed and placed it over him before lying against his side, head on his chest and arm laid on his waist - more heat radiating from your body in order to warm him up.

“(Y/n) what the hell are you doing?! I’m fine!” Jason was incredibly tense, edging away from you purely due to shock as he justified himself.

“It’s chivalry or whatever, trust me.” With your quiet but stern counter, he couldn’t deny how addicting your warmth was and despite his reservations his body was attracted to your warmth like a magnet.

Soon enough his heart rate lowered, muscles comfortably relaxing as he’d subconsciously embraced your presence and had in fact drifted off to sleep before you did much to your amusement.

Midnight rolled around, your biological clock waking you and forcing your irises to glow a deep crimson but your movements whilst you sat up stirred Jason, since you’d slipped out of his grip, who caught a glimpse of them as you’d turned away - instantly he’d pulled you back, grasping your jaw to face him only to find your natural eye colour glaring back.

“I sleep with you once and you think you can kiss me whenever you want?”

“I wasn’t gonna - your eyes were - lets just get moving.” He snapped from his thoughts, too flustered to form a coherent sentence and instantly removed himself to find his helmet muttering something under his breath.

.

Upon entering the base, you found yourselves before Black Mask, unconscious henchmen in your wake thanks to your turbulent teamwork.

"How cute, it took longer than I expected but my little lap dog brought you here anyway. Too bad Red Hood." At his words and beckoning whistle, you stepped toward him as Mask ordered...

Like countless times before, you found your body configuring to its alternative form, silky black fur cascading down your back with a deadly snarl echoing across the island landscape.

"Interesting thing with wolves Hood, they have loyalty. Now kill 'im (Y/n)!" You prowled around Roman, standing beside the man who now held the upper hand with his greatest weapon by his side.

"(Y/n)?!" Jason was unreadable, the helmet making sure of that but you could hear the betrayal in his voice, an underlying tone of hurt accompanied your name whilst he silently pleaded with you. Though your focus was no longer on him, a glare was directed at your tail that appeared to be wagging due to Jason's attention - god no.

At least you could hide a crush when not wolfing out, this was just embarrassing... before anyone could notice the uncharacteristic behaviour you chose to speak, voice an octave lower than your usual one.

"Interesting thing about loyalty Roman, it has to be earned. And the Red Hood has most definitely earned mine... you however? Not so much."

Jason lowered his guns as a scattered Roman tumbled to the floor in a failed attempt to scramble away after you savagely barked at him, a large paw on his chest to pin him in place and pearly incisors centimetres from his terrified face.

“...So do I have to get you a collar now, because, I mean... I will...” The vigilante quipped, no doubt less than decent purposes occupying his mind as you sighed in exasperation, looking up at him with a deadly gaze before walking past and ensuring to swish your oversized tail in his face as you went leaving him to a defeated crime lord.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

.

By the time you’d morphed back and returned to the balcony in a stolen soldiers jacket and spare bottoms from your supplies you found Mask hung from the roof and gagged for the authorities to collect. Jason had waited for you and started on the path back to where you’d arrived on the island in silence, supposedly neither of you knowing what to say to each now alone. However, you felt at ease considering he hadn’t left without you even if it was mildly awkward.

“So that’s why you were so warm...” His voice was calm but quiet, though his words caused you to look up at him and answer somewhat guiltily.

“Yeah.”

“And the interrogations?”

“Yeah...”

“Hm.” It was simple, Jason still processing the information whilst silence once again took over the two of you as the walk continued. His expression remaining contemplative but accepting since he’d removed his helmet.

"Your eyes are beautiful by the way, I couldn’t say that earlier since you wanted to kiss me and all.” Jason wore a kind smile now, sensing your silent self hatred he’d playfully knocked your arm in order to stir a heartier reply.

"Oh you’re hilarious, how you honour me damned prince of Gotham." And he got one.

“Great to sleep with and funny too, you're the whole package aren't you furball?" It seemed as though the snarky exchanges had returned, bringing with them a sense of reassuring normalcy again.

“You’re just upset that you woke up as the little spoon Red Riding Hood.” You rolled your eyes with a challenging smirk, winking at Jason who only returned the gesture.

“Hey, there’s nothin wrong with that - besides it’s your turn next Big Bad Wolf.”

“Bite me.”

“Just tell me where and how hard, I might surprise you wolfie.” His flirtatious comments left you flushed but hadn’t left you defenceless.

“You can shiver tonight.”

[jaeden-illustrations]

Love Drowned

@dianakko-week Day 3 : how they fell in love 

pairing : diakko / dianakko (diana + atsuko)

reading time : ~ 5min 

approximate word count : 1200

context : this is an AU where Luna Nova is a normal school, but with professional SWIMMERS in training, in stead of witches. Diana talks about her days to her dead mother through her diary. As the days go by, Diana tends to write more and more about Akko, not even realizing she is spilling her love interest to her mother.

I based the ‘moment they fell in love’, on the episode of the anime, where there is the big witch ceremonial festival, where Diana summons a unicorn, and the red team get eaten by a big sad ghost. Yeah, that’s that. 

(i’m also sorry i got to lazy to properly finish this, but i will try to continue this AU later on. alsotheendingisapracticaljoke, it doesn't actually happen, lmao)

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(Sun) September 1st , 2014

Good evening Bernadette,

 Today is the last day of summer, which means, school is starting over. Finally.

New year, new beginnings.

As you already well know, vacation has always been a time of the year I dread most. Having to endure two months of it, is an amount of time utterly painful for me. How can I become the world’s greatest swimmer, if so much time of my life is wasted on things else than training?

But alas, time has come.

This also means, there are only two more years before graduation, and I’ll be off to university. Each year passing by, has only got more thrilled!

 Jeana is worried about me. She says that ever since you pa , ever since you told us your farewells, she has judge me too hard of a worker. Though she is always so polite, it seems she is inclined to using the term “sportaholic”. She says it would pain you to see me so deep into my training, “never taking a brake” as she puts it. Is it true? Do you worry for me? For I must assure you, I find myself most fine and content in my hard work. I hope you can see that.

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 (M) September 2nd , 2014

 Good evening Bernadette,

 Today went by quickly. Nothing much changed since last year. My classmates are almost all the same. Anna and Barbara are still by my side, like always. They haven’t changed either. Always chattering and blabbing about anything and everything. I’d forgot how much I preferred to be alone. I usually find the silence quite comforting. I believe the library will yet again be my best friend. Although I must say, nothing can ever relieve my heart the way you do. You’ve been such a great friend and listener to me all these years, through and through. I certainly can’t thank you enough. I miss you. Always.

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(F) September 6th , 2014

 Good evening Bernadette,

 For the first in a long time, a new student has arrived in our school. She is from a foreign country. Japan. She will be in my class for the year.

As head of school club comity, and Luna Nova’s best student, it was my duty to accompany her throughout the school. After the tour, we said our goodbyes, and I haven’t payed much attention to her since. Or at least, I tried. Work is always more interesting than most people of course. Yet, in the little time this new girl has been here, she’s been making quiet a fool out of herself.

She doesn’t listen in class, often distracts everyone with her unspeakable manners, and worst of all, when we did our first swimming lesson, she didn’t know how to dive! It was quite ridiculous seeing her in such struggle. I am still perplexed as to how Luna Nova could allow such low trained commoner enter our team.

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 (W) September 27th 2014

 Good evening Bernadette,

 Today was spent making preparations for the synchronized swimming event we are holding next week. Establishments from all around the United Kingdom and Ireland will be participating. The festival is something quite intense and a bit stressful for our teachers and the principal. It is why I naturally accepted to help with the making of posters and to organize the new shower head delivery and the arrangements of new pool filters to complete the renovations.

The event must be perfect. After all, Luna Nova has its reputation at stake.

---------------------------------------------------------

 (F) September 30th 2014

 Good evening Bernadette,

 Today was the great “Luna Nova Autumn Dive Festival”. Everything was in order. Everything was perfect.

All the snacks had been laid out, posters put in place, showers scrubbed, and prizes stored.

When th evening started, the classes of Dublin were the first to present. Then came that of Limerick. Then Whales and London. Aberdeen, Edimburg, Cambridge, thus leaving the hosts for last.

Each school had remarkable performances, though the judges seemed particularly unimpressed.

I had spent the night before the event, embroidering our ancestral coat of arms on my suit, believing it would provide me with our family’s hope and strength.

So finally came my turn.

Although the event held most rules from the sport, some other specific things were allowed too. This is why the girls and I had agreed on making a very special move at the end of our performance. 

As the show unraveled, after spinning a few times at the top of the water, all three of us plunged under the surface. Anna went at the bottom of the pool, while Barbara put herself on her hands. This allowed me to go on top of her, and to push through the surface of the water, with a back layout flip before diving back into the water without disturbing it.

As I swam to the ladder and pulled myself out of the pool, multiple students from other teams came running at my side to congratulate me. The crowd all around also seemed quite impressed. I must say the recognition of my hard work was quiet comforting.

I wish you had been there to see it.

  actually… you’re right. There is something else. Something troubling me... It’s about Atsuko Kagari. You know, the new foreign student.

Because this event concerned our school, all of our classes had to participate, meaning that even though the new girl could barely swim a few laps without running out of breath, she still had to put on a show, like everyone else. Yet, she didn’t seem discouraged at all. Quite the opposite actually. She was fierce and determined. Until the very last second, she was training in the second pool, to make sure she could compete.

I’ve seen her train. Day after day she stayed past school curfew, sneaking at night into the pool, to work and train. But what was most shocking, was the look she gave,that day ; when she came out of the pool and through the changing room, still dripping, and stared at me dead in the eyes : “Watch me.” was all she said, before entering the second pool to show the judges.

The power this girl holds, just bewilders me. Though she says she doesn’t want to prove herself to anyone, I simply refuse to believe her. How could such a frail girl hold such determination…

---------------------------------------------------------

 (W) October 14th 2014

 Good evening,

 Atsuko Kagari is such a pain.

Let me enlighten you on the subject. She has been continuously falling behind the program and her grades are disastrous! This implies she has to work extra time, thus meaning she hasn’t any time from training, and though professor Ursula has been her assigned mentor, she has been notably unable to provide Atsuko with the right aid, so, the teacher counselors have now turned to me.  

I used to love helping people. It has always been my noble “cup of tea”, but when it comes to Atsuko, my patience suddenly vacates me immediately. No matter the effort I give, it is like she is bound to go toward the opposite of scholar success. This doesn’t either amply her troublesome attitude, which has already caused her near expulsion for the third time this week.

I am lost to what to do. Some help would much be appreciated. Until next time.

 ---------------------------------------------------------

*many, many, MANY pages later*

---------------------------------------------------------

 (F) December 13th 2014

 Evening,

I think im gay

[dreamhimcloser]

Aeon - JiKook

Word Count: 9.5k words Rating: PG-13 Summary: The Rat was the first in Buddha’s race, which by timeless standards should mean that your family will be much more looked up to than they actually are. It's a damn race after all, the winner gets the chicken dinner, right? Wrong.  Genre: Fluff-ish? Also, Seokjin is a diva Note: I’m not really back from Hiatus, that’s important to say. The exchange was fucking amazing and I need time to find myself at home again, but this thing has been sitting on my computer for a year now and I felt inspired, so I gave it life. The ending is not really edited because I cringed at myself. It’s been in my head for a while, hope you guys will like it♥

Your frustration with the day began right in the entrance to your university. You could already feel the signs of the power struggle in the air, along with the countless oblivious students walking right through it as they go about their day. You didn't know if you were lucky for being aware, feeling the signs and treading your steps. Those who belonged to the cycle of the Zodiac were pretty rare, and you were in the bottom of that food chain.

As the ancient story goes, Buddha wanted to hold a race for his departure from Earth. It's ridiculous that this is the beginning of the biggest pain in your life in the present. He invited 12 animals to compete in said race, and they were given one year in the cycle by the order of their arrival.

The Rat was the first, which by timeless standards should mean that your family will be much more looked up to than they actually are. It's a damn race after all, the winner gets the chicken dinner, right? Nah. The Rat was invited by the Cat but didn't wake him up in the morning of the race. It got too excited about being the smallest animal to be invited into such a big event, and completely forgot about his careless friend. That already marked you as a traitor by relations.

If that's not enough bad juju by itself, the Rat was aware of the shortness of his feet and probability in winning the race, so he took advantage of the Ox's gullible personality and rode on his head. A simple jump from his head to the finish line brought the Rat his sweet victory and his successors' despair.

Coming first means shit if all of this is considered.

That's why most people has no idea why some avoid you like a plague. You weren't sure how they'll react knowing this avoidance comes from the ancient sins of one Rat.

Through the cycles, the other animals competed over who hates the Rat decedents most, though you'd think they'd never want to race again after the first time. The Cat was a prominent contester, but the cats in your life didn't treat you badly. Jooheon gave you the same dimpled grin he offers every living being, and even some florals. Hoseok sent you his notes when you were down with the flu for a month without you even having to ask.

For a reason not quite known to you, your enemy during this cycle was the Horse. Most potently shown in your relations to one Park Jimin. He's a silver Horse, which is rare within their kind and higher-ranked. There were other Horses in your university but they reserved their behavior to disturbed looks and nothing more, which didn't really bother you.

It's not that Park Jimin was evil to you or anything, you've never seen him anything but kind to anyone he interacts with. The problem came from the one "protecting" him from you. Since he's a Horse you never tried to actively speak to him but that damn dog, Jeon Jungkook, detested your presence even if you were simply minding your own business on the other side of the room. Even Kim Taehyung stood between you a few times, and he's a Dragon – usually flashy personalities and not that much of a need to handle the animal politics. He was accepting of you if Jimin wasn't in the room though, so you figured it was Jungkook moving him as a piece to have something else protecting poor little Jimin from you.

As always, both pairs of eyes immediately set on you as you walked through the door, while Jimin kept chatting with Hoseok as if he didn't feel the mood shift. Taehyung offered you a small smile, but turned back to the conversation without much else. Jungkook gave you nothing but daggers. The conversation they took part in was loud as they always were, and per usual getting louder when Seokjin walked into the room, exchanging high-fives with the other four like a weird fucking ceremony before he came to sit with you.

Somehow Seokjin, the Snake that rode on the Horse's leg and pushed the Horse to the seventh animal in line, wasn't too dangerous to be around Jimin.

"What's up, loser?" Seokjin flopped down next to you, tossing a small, peach-flavored milk carton onto your lap.

You eyed the milk. "I really don’t get why I'm the only one turning them hostile when I walk into a room."

"You should try being this handsome," he replied with a smirk, placing his thumb and index finger in a V sign at this chin. You narrowed your eyes at him, resisting the urge to smack his hand right into his face.

Your argument was stopped short with the teacher walking in with a shit-eating grin. This poetry class was supposed to be easy, but as you soon learned looks can be deceiving. The teacher seemed to have a special, warm place in his heart for keeping his students at the edge of their seats at terrible peril. He didn't even try hiding how much he enjoyed making his poor students suffer.

And what greater suffering he could bring than a partnered poem analysis paper, already troublesome by itself before he added in the fact he chose the pairs instead of giving students that liberty. That asshole knew how anti-social you were, and the groans coming from the collective of students just made him smile wider.

"Why can't we choose though?" Jungkook complained, his arm wrapped around Jimin's chair. It was easy to guess who his preferred partner would be, and a short laugh from the professor showed he knew the answer.

"Because I paired the weak with the strong," The professor waved his papers at Jungkook, "To give some of you imagination-less people a standing chance to pass my class. Some of you, Jungkook, are in the gray zone.

The chuckles made Jungkook turn sharply back, his eyes locking with yours for a split second though you never made a sound.

"I hope you get Jungkook," Seokjin whispered to you, opening the abandoned milk carton and handing it back to you. "He will probably kill you if he spends too much time with you."

"Since when are fucking Dogs my enemies?"

Just as the words left your mouth ended, your name was called. The professor paused for a second that made you hold your breath – he wouldn't be as evil as to pair you with Jungkook, right? The answer, to your great despair, was worse. The name called after yours was Park Jimin.

"What the fuck?" Jungkook exclaimed, making Jimin jump a little at his side.

The professor looked at Jungkook like he just won the lottery. His eyes were twinkling, he could barely hold himself together from how giddy he was. The pairing in itself was logical, Jimin's weak points fit your strong points and vice versa, but it was clear as day from the mere atmosphere in the room that working together wasn't an option. The professor turned to look at Jimin, "Do you have a problem with this?"

"No," Jimin answered simply, making Jungkook's head snap to him.

The professor turned to you, and before he could open his mouth again you shook your head. You knew by instinct that if you'll ask to switch partners he'd probably give you Jungkook, and at least Jimin was able to be civil. It could only be worse for you.

"Great, so it's decided," The professor determined before going forth with his list. Their group started to exchange whispers right under the professor's nose, but he was in too good spirits to call them out for it. Their small, frantic voices seemed to be music to his ears.

"Wow, I jinxed you didn't I," Seokjin gasped but didn't sound sorry in the least. "Jungkook looks like he's about to have a stroke."

You signed, "I bet he's trying to find a way to make me disappear before I get to exchange one word with Jimin."

 Your phone vibrated on your thigh, making you slide your headphones off. "Did you text me?"

"No," Seokjin replied with a bored voice. You hit pause on the video you were watching, though you really wanted to know if the McDonalds worker noticed the twins switching on him as he turned away for a second. Another vibration came though before you pressed the unknown number.

hey its jimin 03:23

You turned to Seokjin with wide eyes, which he didn't notice for a few moments. Words failed you so you made a small sound that turned his attention away from his phone. "Ah, did he text you already?" You nodded. "That was fast, I literally just gave him the number. I thought it'd take him longer to fend Jungkook off before texting you."

"Couldn't you warn me?"

"And miss that?" He pointed at your face with a pleased devil-smile. "Never."

You turned back to your phone, wondering why the hell your best friend is so annoying. You could choose better, and somehow this hate-love relationship is what kept you going. At rare times he was actually a good friend, so maybe you saw through the douche to the darling within. Like, deep within.

Hey 03:26

Smooth.

im gonna cut to it my rents r prejudice n doesnt wnt me alone w/u

so is it ql if we do da project in my house? 03:27

Sure. When? 03:27

im sorry. 03:28

His apology made you frown. It didn't come as a surprise to you that his parents wouldn't want their silver son meeting a Rat in their natural habitat. It's almost 2020 and there are still a lot of… opinions on what new ways the Rats found to mislead the other animals. You could offer the library as a neutral spot, but you didn't know if Jimin even knew where it is.

saturday? 6 ish? 7 ish? wn ure comfortable ish? 03:29

You couldn't help but chuckle at the swarming messages. You always saw Jimin texted real fast and half-finished sentences, but being on the receiving end of that was a brand new experience.

6-ish sounds good. Send me your address, I'll be there 03:30

He sent it, and you had no idea where it was. A quick look at the map revealed that he, in fact, lives in the middle of a forest and it shouldn't have surprised you this much. Silver Horses were known to crave the wild, not at all city creatures. That would stand against the fact they moved to Seoul from Busan, but you guessed education was stronger than their will to be free.

"We're meeting on Saturday," You informed Seokjin, who hummed as a distracted response. "Save me some food."

"As if Jimin will let you leave his house without feeding you," Seokjin laid his phone in front of him, finally focusing on you. "You clearly don’t know him."

"His loyal watch-dog makes sure of that," You rolled your eyes. "Did you know he lives in the woods?"

"Of course, I've been to his house before."

"Of course you were."

"You'll like it, it's a really big house, whole wall made of glass like the forest is inside. Also, Jimin's bed is really comfortable. Not that you'll get to try it unless you'll be a good girl."

You contemplated throwing your mouse at him. "We're doing a project and then our lives will go back to being absolutely separate. His parents won't even allow him the option of being near me where they can't control, you think his bed would be good?"

"His bed is good."

Seokjin offered to drive you there, claiming that the road is too complicated for you to navigate though. He listened to your whole rant about how you're great with directions as he fiddled with his keys. In the end he didn't leave you much choice and after seeing how complicated it actually was, you were kind of grateful. The forest really wasn't forgiving for first time arrivers. Seokjin informed you that he also had to have help the first time he visited, so you felt better about yourself.

Seokjin stopped in front of the house, giving you a knowing smile, "Now you're glad you agreed, right?"

"Wow yes thank you," you exhaled in one breathe, sliding out of the car with your bag in hand. "You're the best."

"What else is new?" Seokjin obnoxiously winked right before he drove off. He almost drove right on your foot, but you assumed the swag in the action was worth it for him. Fucking Snakes.

The front door seemed to loom over you, warning you of where you're headed. Each Zodiac made their own aura around their homes, and this one was new to you and quite overwhelming. You never got to measure the Horse aura before since all the Horses steered clear of you, getting it so strongly at once wasn't exactly welcoming. It's a good thing Horses were prideful people, so logically you knew there is no risk in stepping inside.

Keeping that idea in your head, you rang the doorbell, almost cringing at the choir of bird sounds that announced your presence. Of course Horses would have chippering birds as their doorbell. You barely managed not to roll your eyes as the door opened.

"It's you."

Jungkook gave you a bored look, leaning against the door he opened. He looked you up and down, maybe to be intimidating. You found it strangely amusing.

"Jimin is at dance practice."

"Did I get the time wrong?" You quickly pulled out your phone with the intention of checking Jimin's message. "I thought – "

"You didn't," Jungkook cut you off. "He was supposed to be here."

You stared, not sure how to progress from here. Jungkook seemed to be perfectly fine with letting you wait outside until Jimin came back and he was forced to treat you well. You weren't sure what he was going to do, but waiting awkwardly felt terrible.

Jungkook seemed to sense the struggle as he moved aside with a sigh, "Come in, I guess."

"Thank you," You side-stepped him, bending down to take your shoes off before entering farther. Jungkook gave you a quick look, walking to the end of the corridor, where he stopped to wait for you.

You tried to be subtle as you watched his actions, wondering if he really did hate you. With Jimin not being the room he seemed more calm around you, acting more like he just wasn't sure how to act rather than despising you. You knew the rumors about Rats didn't form a good image, and the fact that you're pretty rare is not helping. When people met you for the first time they were sure they already know everything you're about and had no intention to really get to know you as a person, not a zodiac reference.

"You can wait in the living room," Jungkook said the moment you started walking his way. The light coming from the end of hallway already hinted where the glass wall that Seokjin was talking about was, but you didn't quite expect the spectacle that was revealed to you. The last rays of sun filtered through many leaves, throwing calm shadows over the cream color-themed living room. Everything looked so polished and expensive, you could easily see Jimin in this space. You've never seen his parents so they were face-less figures in the image in your head, but they were loving and kind, like their son.

Well, to non-Rats, anyways.

Jungkook watched you, averting his gaze only when you turned to look back. He looked almost bashful as he took a sit on one of the couches, slipping out of his slippers and placing his feet on the edge of the coffee table. He looked less elegant than Jimin, but somehow Jungkook's Dog aura was also present in this space, as if he's a part of it. Thinking back, you've never heard Seokjin going to Jungkook's place or meeting Jungkook's parents. It made you wonder.

You took your seat on the same sofa, but in a safe distance from him. You awkwardly moved your attention to your socks, wondering if you should have chosen more presentable socks than the Line Friends ones you were currently wearing. You glanced at Jungkook to find him checking his phone, a small smile adorning his features. This could be the first time you saw him actually smiling, as you were usually watching their group from behind. It didn't look bad on him, this look. It was no secret that he was handsome, making a perfect visual trio with Jimin and Taehyung. You just never got to see it like other people did.

He glanced your way, finding your attention is on him made both of you embarrassed. You were used to watching people, your status as a Rat made you learn that observing people from a far would keep you safe from getting hurt. You got good at reading people, and Jungkook didn't seem like much of a challenge. He was sitting so comfortably, he must have been a household member, if not living here. Which would probably be a safe bet.

"Are you waiting for Jimin too?"

Jungkook's eyes darted to you and back to his screen. "Sort of."

"Um," You started, not knowing if you should actually ask this. He was obviously listening to you, though he wasn't looking your way. "I was wondering, do you live here?"

That caught him off guard. You could clearly see the Dog in his reaction, his eyes now trained at you with a soft wonder in them. Dogs were people of instincts, not calculating situations like you. You could tell that you were right, but something about his reaction made you feel like you spoke too soon, trying to be friendly with someone who is not really willing. You were somehow intrigued by him, a fact that wasn't surprising as all the Rats you knew were attracted to Dogs.

Jungkook was still looking at you though a few moments passed. Your anxiety wasn't liking that, making you defuse the situation. "None of my business, never mind. Sorry for asking."

Jungkook frowned. You chose to look at your socks again, so you couldn't judge the wheels moving in his head. Before he could settle on a choice of what to do with your question, his phone buzzed. Quick tapping sounds filled the silence before he announced, "He's on his way now."

"Great. You know, you don't have to wait with me if you have other things to do," You offered, wiggling your toes in the fluffy carpet. "I won't move from here."

"Nah, it's fine," he answered in a casual voice, which you've never heard from him before. You chanced looking at him and his eyes were already trained on you, but they weren't hostile. He looked like he was contemplating, and quickly a decision was made, "You're more polite than I thought you'd be."

You blinked in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know," Jungkook responded truthfully, ignoring another buzzing of his phone in favor of holding your gaze.

You were having trouble processing where this conversation is going, his easy look showing that he didn't quite have a clue either. It just wasn't anxious for him to be in this position. "Well, I'm glad to prove you wrong, I guess."

Even looking at him, you weren't quite certain what was going through his head. A part of you wondered if the attraction between Rats and Dogs was mutual, and having no other presences around made it easier to sense each other's auras. Maybe he was experiencing something new with you as well.

Maybe he reached out to you with that, and you should try as well. "I know the Rat's image is strong, but I'm honestly not a bad person. I have no intention of harming or tricking anyone."

"I figured, otherwise Seokjin wouldn't be so fond of you," Jungkook lifted his legs, folding them beneath him on the couch. "Actually, he asked me to be nice to you."

"Is that why you're trying to have a conversation?" You chuckled, but it stopped soon when you saw the strange look he gave you. Your mind provided a question that you knew you had no time to linger on, but you had to speak to Seokjin about what he told Jungkook.

"Sort of. He said that if I'll actually try not to push you away I'll see you're actually really good, better than him. Just more guarded."

"Seokjin said something nice about me? How uncharacteristic for him."

Jungkook made an amused sound, and you're ashamed to say it felt like a small victory. "He insisted enough for me to pay attention."

You nodded, not sure what else to say. You did make a mental note to thank Seokjin later. He jokes around a lot and it's usually in your expense, but he really does care about you. He must have known how nervous this made you and tried to make it easier. Being the middleman, he knows you and them well enough to be able to bridge temporarily until you could be civil with Jungkook, and maybe even complete this assignment without too much of a fight.

Jungkook looked like he had something else to say, but the soft sound of the opening front door, followed by Jimin announcing that he's home, stopped him. Instead he chose to push to his feet and walk to the hallway.

"You've been nice?" Jimin tapped on Jungkook's chest, a wide smile on his face. His smile never wavered when he looked at you, confidently walking towards you. "Sorry for being late, dance kinda makes me forget about time."

You didn't miss the slight tension that resided in Jungkook's shoulders as Jimin neared you, but he said nothing even when Jimin sat right next to you, dropping his bag at his feet. You've never been this close to him, but just looking at him you knew Jimin would smell amazing – you just didn't know how good it'll be. The scent that came off of him reminded you of the freshness of nature, like he just galloped through the woods like the Horse he is.

It was quite a nice image.

"It's okay," you reassured him, snapping out of your thoughts. "I didn't have to wait long."

Jimin leaned closer, his voice dropping to a whisper, "Was he really nice to you, though?"

You nodded, eyes widening at how close he was. His skin was amazing, his eyes shining at you with pure happiness and amusement. He turned to Jungkook and they looked at each other for a few moments. You didn't know what it meant, but Jungkook seemed to catch on, walking back to the couch just to get his phone back. "I'll be upstairs."

You felt like maybe this decision answered your earlier question, but there is no way to know for sure as Jungkook disappeared up the wide staircase at the far end of the space. His departure left you alone with Jimin, whose attention came back to you.

"Is it okay if we stay here? My room is a mess," Jimin watched your face as you nodded. He seemed content with your answer, pulling the one notebook he used for every subject you shared together. Not that you've been keeping tabs, but yeah, you knew that.

You pulled out your supplies as well, feeling very conscious of the amount of attention you're getting. Maybe that's why people who spoke to Jimin alone were a blushing mess, being around him was like being under a spotlight, with absolutely no judgement attached. It's like he just genuinely enjoyed focusing on you.

"The prof was smart putting us together, I'm pretty bad at poetry," Jimin announced as he flicked through his notebook to find an empty page. "I just don't get hidden meanings and feet and stuff. But you've always been good, I still remember that poem you wrote about the sky."

You blinked at him, taken aback. You wrote remembered the poem was well, it was due in your first class. First year, first semester, before you thought Jimin ever noticed your existence. He seemed amused at the surprise in your face, finally settling on a page and leaning back on the couch. You followed, though a lot less comfortable than him. You decided there's no possible answer to what he told you and instead began pitching ideas for your analysis. You were given a poem that you read five times before meeting up with Seokjin, so you had a pretty good idea what you wanted to focus on. Jimin looked at you with an ever-present smile, drinking in all you had to tell him. He wasn't embarrassed to ask you questions, even if he was asking about the most basic things. You worked hard to not make him feel like it's too basic to be confused about at this point, just to keep him cheerful and excited to learn.

Somehow you felt like he really was learning from you, as minutes ticked by and he used the new information you've given him. It was obviously his weak subject, but he seemed to find your knowledge and merge it with his joy to find a good middle that allowed you to work him like dough. The idea you came up with seemed solid, Jimin adding his own, smaller ideas to give it a better structure. Working with him was easy, you bounced ideas off of each other, Jimin allowed himself to joke around with you, and the atmosphere stayed light. Before you noticed, hours went by and you were sitting more comfortably, Jimin's calm acceptance made you feel almost welcome in his home.

Jimin giggled at one of your ideas as he allowed his notebook to fall into his lap, giving up on doing more work in favor of conversation. "Honestly when you told that prof he was wrong I almost laughed right in his face. I'm closer, so I would've probably gotten kicked out of the class too."

"He said frogs are the symbol of freedom!" You defended yourself, bringing your own notebook to lie against your chest. "I couldn't just let this nonsense go."

"I know you couldn't," Jimin leaned his head against the sofa, eyeing you with a smile. "I noticed you're not shy to say what you wanna."

"You noticed?" You shifted, bringing your legs up between your body and Jimin's, leaning your head the way he did.

Jimin hummed, looking at your legs before returning to you. "Maybe I don't look like it, but I'm pretty observant. And being a Rat, you were interesting to me."

You willed your face not to blush, deeming it too embarrassing. "You wanted to watch the enemy?"

"I wanted to watch the possible friend," Jimin corrected with not a bit of shame. "I don't believe in that Zodiac enemy stuff, it's stupid to judge for something that was done millions of years ago. The fact is you've never been not nice to anyone who didn't deserve it. You're frank and your thoughts are heard, but there's nothing wrong about that. I think you're really funny, and nice, and a good person to be around."

You found no words to reply with, so you simply stared at him. Your lack of response didn't matter to Jimin as he leaned closer, the same amused glitter in his eye. "I'm glad I get to see I'm right."

"Ah," Jungkook's voice came from the stairs, making both of you jump a little farther away from each other. You looked at the newcomer in alarm, expecting him to explode at you for even daring to come so close to Jimin. His eyes were trained on you and he seemed conflicted, but when they moved to Jimin they softened immediately. You noticed Jimin had this kind of effect on him, like he was easily softening Jungkook's rough edges.

"I'm kind of hungry, what are we ordering?" Was his chosen response. Jimin didn't miss a beat in naming a restaurant that you weren’t familiar with. Jungkook slurped and rolled his eyes but didn't argue, which lead you to believe this response was quite popular with Jimin.

"Is there anything you can't eat?" You turned to confirm that Jimin was talking to you, shaking your head as a response. You remembered Seokjin being clear on Jimin liking to feed people, so you weren't really surprised when it came true right before you.

When Jungkook was busy ordering the food, Jimin declared that "study time is over". He turned the TV on and flicked through Netflix, asking for your opinion on which movie to watch. "I'd ask Jungkook but he'd probably say a Marvel movie," Jimin giggled, flicking past another rom-com.

"I like Marvel," you commented.

"I know, Spiderman is your phone background," you snapped your head in his direction just to catch his victorious smile. "Observant, I told you."

"Marvel movies are great, you're not wrong," Jungkook affirmed, throwing himself on Jimin's other side.

"But we can watch something else once in a while," Jimin whined, throwing one of his legs across Jungkook's, who naturally moved his hand to rest on Jimin's thigh, close to his knee. You felt Jimin's eyes on you, which told you he noticed you saw but didn't move Jungkook's hand away. You felt like it was a hint, but the situation made you so embarrassed you refused to think about it.

"How about this?" Jimin paused on a movie starring Ryan Reynolds, which you agreed to immediately. Again, your reaction was not missed by the others. Jimin didn't wait for Jungkook's approval to start the movie, settling against the other as the movie started. When the food arrived Jungkook stood up immediately, throwing the whining Jimin's leg off of him in the process.

"Does our skinship bother you?" Jimin asked immediately when Jungkook was out of earshot.

"Nope."

"Good," Jimin's hand came down twice on yours, a contact you weren't expecting. Jimin giggled at the look on your face, but nothing else could be said as Jungkook came back into the room. The rest of your visit held the same kind of calmness, until Seokjin called you to tell you he's waiting outside, liberating you to think without anyone watching you.

 Jimin texted you when you were on the way back, asking you if you're free to meet again soon. Seokjin was telling you a very long story through the entire time you were texting, and you were only half listening. He noticed, but didn't mind much.

"Hey Jin," you lowered your phone, intentionally interrupting him in the middle of a sentence. He stopped with a huff, but didn't complain farther, which gave you the okay to continue. "What did you say to Jungkook? He said you asked him to be nice to me."

"Just that."

"Shut up, I know you," You watched him, examining his face. You knew this boy too well, he knew exactly what you were referring to and he wasn't going to let it go easily. "What did you say?" You insisted.

"Honestly? Not much," He shrugged his shoulders, fingers lightly tapping on the wheel. "I called to ask him to be civil because you didn't choose this either. The important part of the conversation," Seokjin paused just to be dramatic, his finger pointing at your face for emphasis. "is what he said. And before you start pushing, I promised him whatever he says is safe with me."

You whined but knew your best friend too well to assume anything you can do will get him to change his mind. He was sassy but trustworthy, and if he promised Jungkook he won't say anything, he won't even break down for you.

 The second time you came to Jimin's house, you drove your own car. You were a lot less nervous than the first time since you kind of knew what you were walking into. The birds at the doorway seemed welcoming now, and Jungkook even gave a small smile as he opened the door.

"He was too lazy to get up," he said as a way of explaining, leaving you to get out of your shoes since you already knew where to go. You followed shortly after him, just a little surprised to see Jungkook's stuff were spread next to Jimin's.

"Y/N!" Jimin threw his arms up from the spot where he was laying on the sofa. He just barely pushed himself into a sitting position to give you space to sit besides him. "Are you okay with Jungkook staying with us?"

"Of course," You responded, pulling your notebook out.

"Good," Jimin's hand came down on yours again, with Jungkook watching but not saying a word. "He could use some help as well, he got partnered with that Kris guy that is too cool for school."

"Jimin," Jungkook's voice held a warning that Jimin simply swatted away.

"It's just Y/N, it's fine. She'll help you not to fail," Jimin grinned at Jungkook before turning the same grin to you. "Spending half the time on our assignment and half on his is okay?"

"Sure," You smiled back, daring to smile at Jungkook as well. He stared back, and only managed to chuckle when he turned away from you.

"Great!" Jimin clapped, opening his notebook to show you he already progressed with your ideas. You pulled it from his hands, examining what he wrote down to find he did a pretty good job. You were kind of surprised to see the improvement. Jimin was smarter than you considered him to be.

Jimin's lead allowed you to slip back into the comfortable conversation you had last time, making wonderful progress with your ideas. Jimin started building an outline as you spoke, structuring your ideas in a coherent manner that will make writing the assignment easier for the both of you, no matter who took which part. Jungkook was watching you occasionally, and you couldn't miss the affection he held for Jimin. It just blossomed out of him with no effort. There was no hostility left in him for you, and even laughed at your jokes.

When Jimin said he's stepping out to go to the bathroom, you simply leaned back against the sofa to continue working on your formation. You felt Jungkook had something to say again, and you peaked over the notebook to see him already looking at you.

"I," he began, and you lowered the notebook to give him your full attention. "I do live here. I didn't answer you last time and it was rude, sorry."

"It's okay," You smiled.

"My parents died when I was young and Jimin's parents took me in," he continued, the rubbing of his hands together showing his awkwardness. You wondered why he was telling you this very shortly, since you wanted to actually listen to him. "I owe a debt to them. Jimin told them we have a Rat in class after the first day of Uni, and they asked me to make sure you don't come near him. So… I went a little overboard. I'm sorry."

You nodded slowly. You didn't know why he was being this open with you, but you appreciated the honestly. You figured no one expected having a Rat in their class since your kind usually sticks together and avoids big cities from the fear of being excluded within them. "It's okay," you reassured again, and Jungkook seemed to breathe out in relief. He smiled, flashing his bunny-like teeth in sincerity.

"Thank you," He glanced down at his hands, still rubbing them against each other. "I'm glad I listened to Seokjin, and I'm glad Jimin was right about you. I was acting so stupid."

"It's – "

"Jungkook project time!" Jimin shouted as he walked back to you, interrupting whatever moment you were sharing with Jungkook. He chuckled and handed you his notebook, which you accepted. Jungkook's poem was a little harder than yours, you could see the complications in it. Jimin helped you speak to Jungkook easier, to find ideas. As you were talking he was writing down important things to form into a proper paper later. The new information you accumulated was still residing in your head, to be thought of more deeply later.

For now, you just enjoyed their presence.

 You noticed you're slipping slowly. The first thing that caught your attention is how easy the road to Jimin's home became with each time you visited. Honestly there wasn't much left to the assignment you were doing and Jungkook's part in his was complete two visits ago, but here you were, dropping by again in the clear pretense of having to work on it.

Another thing that alarmed you is how easy it was to be in their presence. You stopped hanging out in the living room a long time ago, preferring Jimin or Jungkook's bedroom instead. They didn't even bother opening the door for you – since they always invited you when Jimin's parents were out there was no risk. You could just walk into one of their rooms, hang out with them, talk about everything and nothing. Jimin always made sure you're comfortable, keeping his "is this okay" questions as his tool to do it. Jungkook connected to you more naturally, he tried things like lying on your thigh with careful eyes judging your reaction but with no words.

In opposition to everything you thought you'll go through in preparing this assignment, this was easy. It was nice, warm, and it kinda felt like you found your own little room in their lives. Going to classes also became easier, since you didn't need to be careful. Taehyung was taken aback when Jungkook called you to land a perfectly good joke and earn your laughter, and Hoseok accepted it without question. Seokjin proposed moving closer to them in the class-space, but Jimin waved him off, carrying his stuff to where you were usually sitting in the back of the class. His reasoning was that moving away from the professors is more rational than moving closer.

Somehow even the non-Zodiac people in your class seemed to notice the shift. Of course they had no idea what caused the animosity between you and Jungkook to begin with, but the friendship that rapidly grew between you was a dirty contrast to what you were to each other before. You noticed people glancing your way, eyebrows raising as Jungkook allowed himself to be a fool while sitting right on your left. Jimin tried to settle on your right, but one look from Seokjin told him he didn't earn the ability to come between you yet. Instead he used to stand in front of you and Jungkook during the break, leaning against the row in front of you with each of his legs touching one of Jungkook and yours.

You were continuedly surprised at how easy it was. You kind of hated yourself for complicating this easy routine you had. The most blurring alarm in your head wasn't oriented there at all, but in the depth of your stomach. See, whenever Jimin laid besides you in his bed, his legs touching yours and pure sunlight pouring from his eyes as he giggled at you, you felt butterflies. Every time Jungkook laid his head on your thigh or cracked jokes at you just to see you smile, you felt butterflies. Every time you crammed together on Jimin's bed to watch another non-Marvel movie, you usually in the middle because Jimin kept insisting that if one of you falls it's not gonna be you, you had butterflies. It's like you couldn't keep this simple, couldn't enjoy what you got without secretly craving more.

Because you liked both of them at the same time, you felt biased when you noticed the little sparks going off between them. You noticed Jungkook's affection for Jimin a long time ago, but only when you started getting to know them better did you notice Jimin's affection for Jungkook. It wasn't in the look he gave but in the actions he took. It's like he knew what was going through Jungkook's head, knew that his friend wasn't good with words, and he became his mouth or acted automatically to solve whatever problem Jungkook never uttered. You could see their friends were aware of it too, always teasing Jimin that him and Jungkook are such soulmates that they had no use for words.

They never refuted that, and you believed no lie could cover that obvious truth.

And it made you jealous.

Not mad jealous, not something that came between the three of you. It was just this secret passion to get in on their secret, to tap that frequency that they communicate through and help Jimin please Jungkook, get that same look that Jimin gets, to be in the middle not because you could be physically harmed, but because that's your natural place.

This kind of horrible wishes made you consider skipping town and never seeing anyone again. You were accepted by them completely, but you were still a Rat. You needed to remember that, needed to remember that you're actively avoiding Jimin's parents because they hate you, not being friends with them from the beginning because Jungkook protected Jimin from you. This place that you accumulated in their lives – it's not permanent. It's not actually yours.

With this heavy feeling in your chest you tapped in the code to the apartment, leaving your shoes at the door in the empty spot they kept for you. The sun was pretty nice today, so they'll probably be in Jimin's room. As you climbed the stairs, you could hear faint music coming from the almost closed door – they usually leave it wide open when you're over. You stared at it for a second, wondering if you should knock. You lifted your hand to do so when a soft moan came out of the room, making your heart skip a beat. You looked above your shoulder to find Jungkook's room was empty. The fisted hand you lifted to knock made soft contact with the door, mindlessly choosing to simply push the door open and come face to face with whatever you're going to find.

You really shouldn't have been so surprised when the scene revealed itself to you. Jimin was lying on his back, legs wrapped around Jungkook's waist, who was lying on top on him. They were almost fully dressed – almost because Jungkook wasn't a fan of wearing shirts inside the house. You swallowed thickly as you watched Jungkook's tongue slipping for a second from the seam of Jimin's lips, just to return inside as Jimin's fingers pressed into his skin, bringing him impossibly closer. You couldn't move, couldn't think when you watched Jungkook's fingers weave in Jimin's hair, pulling his head to a better position to kiss him deeper. After moving his head, Jimin's now open eyes could easily find you standing in the doorway, mouth slightly open and your hand still on the door.

You felt adrenaline shoot right through you as he pushed slightly at Jungkook's chest. Jungkook's head turned your way, but before you could see his expression you already removed yourself from the door. Your hand barely met the railing as you hurried downstairs, trying your hardest to ignore your name being called behind you. Just as you reached the last step, almost out of this situation completely, you felt determined arms wrapping around you to pull you against a stable chest. You knew it was Jimin from the smell of his hair as his head rested on your shoulder, adding pressure to stopping you from leaving.

"Please wait," He said softly into your clothed shoulder, his palms rubbing your sides. You obeyed, but only because you had to catch your breath after what felt like running a marathon. You heard Jungkook's familiar, heavier steps coming down the stairs, though he was a lot slower than Jimin. He stopped close by, but not close enough for you to see him.

"Y/N," Jimin pleaded with the sound of your name, making your heart ache. You could make out tinkers of regret in the syllables, the pained feeling washing over you and forcing you to place your own hands on top of his, calming him down. It worked immediately, as he lifted his head from your shoulder to peer at your face. "Is this weird?"

You had no idea what to say, your mouth opening slightly just to close again.

"Is it making you uncomfortable?"

You tried to calm your mind, just as desperate as Jimin to know the answer to that. A dull throb in your stomach told you that no, it didn't make you uncomfortable. It made you excited, and not in the innocent way. Seeing them like this, together, kissing, it felt right. It felt like something you wanted to see again, something you wanted to experience for yourself. Just another thing you wanted to be a part of.

"No."

Jimin breathed out against your throat, making you shiver. His hands felt more confident, moving along with yours to rest on your stomach. You could see a movement from the corner of your eye, but Jungkook stopped before he'll be too close. "We want you to stay. Is that okay?"

You relaxed your back to Jimin's chest, nodding your head. Jimin turned you around and you saw Jungkook's face for the first time – his eyes were wide and fearful as he stood there, not knowing what to do. You couldn't help but smile at him just to calm him down, your hand reaching out to him as well. He held it softly, taking one more step down to be closer. "It's okay," you reassured him, finally earning a smile from him in return. He led you back upstairs, with Jimin still attached to your back. It was awkward, but you felt like Jimin needed that so you powered through.

You only blushed a little when they led you back to Jimin's bedroom, noting how messy the sheets were from their movements on them just seconds ago. Jungkook walked around the bed to climb on the other side, but he didn't lie down until you settled in the middle. Instead, he waited until he could lie on your thigh again, fingertips tentatively brushing over your jeans. This was the most Dog you've ever seen him, almost pawing at you to make sure you're not mad. You fought the urge to play with his hair, feeling like it's too intimate after what you just witnessed. Your decision to place your hand on his shoulder instead did not go unnoticed by Jimin's careful eyes.

"How about Spiderman Homecoming?" Jimin's soft voice made you chuckle.

"I'd love to."

Jimin settled on your left, taking your hand in his the moment he turned on the movie and tossed the remote away. He leaned his head against your shoulder, playing with your fingers with both his hands. You stayed in silence as the movie started but you weren't really watching. You were too focused on everywhere your body made contact with them, the memories floating in your head, the meaning behind it.

Their friends must have known about this… thing. You didn't actually know what you walked into and they didn't seem to care about it. It also seemed rational for Jungkook to be so protective of his… boyfriend? Friend with benefits? You really had no idea what to call it. It felt like a lightbulb just turned on in your head, shedding light on things you didn't know were hidden in the unknown. You felt stupid for not putting the clues together, but they did seem to be pretty skinship-y with you as well, so how were you supposed to know?

Jimin's fingers slipped between the gaps of yours, securely holding your palm against his. You looked down at your hands – this is the first time he didn't simply play with your fingers. You never actually held hands before. Jimin noticed your shift, lifting his head to meet your eyes. You felt like he was trying to communicate something to you, and it frustrated you that you weren't on the frequency yet to know the words he didn't say. Jungkook tensed against your leg, obviously feeling the new, confused energy. He moved to push his nose against your thigh, asking for something. Again, you didn't know what.

Jimin lifted your joined hands to place the back of your hands against his lips. He didn't kiss it, just held it there as if he's hiding a part of his expression. You could see regret attaching itself to his expression, and you really didn't like it. As an instinct, feeling like there's nothing you could say to make this better, you pulled at his hand until you could press a kiss against his skin. It was small, but you felt like it was so meaningful. The relief replacing the guilt in Jimin's expression informed you he got it as well.

"Thank you for staying."

You felt like Jungkook's palm, spreading over your thigh, was attempting to say the same thing.

 "Yeah, they've been dating for a while now," Seokjin shrugged your terror off.

"And you never thought to tell me," you deadpanned, throwing the closest thing you could grab at his face.

your pencil bounced off of his chest, completely not harmful but still earned a frown. "I thought they'd tell you when they're ready. It seems like they were."

"You think they decided to tell me like that?" You heaved a sigh, nothing allowing the tightness in your chest to be released. Your mind conjured the image of Jimin's sad face as he waved you goodbye that day, like he thought this was the last time you'll be seeing each other.

You really hoped it wasn't.

"I mean, they knew you were coming," Seokjin began, fingers tapping on your knee. You wondered if your sigh made him worry, since he looked not annoyed but a little concerned now. "Jungkook is a moment kind of guy, but Jimin is more calculated than that. He would have stopped whatever it is before you came, if he didn't want you to see."

"But why?"

You could tell there was something Seokjin wasn't telling you. He just tapped on your knee, saying nothing that could help.

 my partner asked me to change something you have time tomorrow at 5? 14:10

You saved Jungkook's number a while ago, but this was the first text messages between you. Jimin was the one usually texting you for the both of them, or you talked over in the group Jimin opened for the three of you. Nonetheless, you couldn't jump fast enough on an opportunity to feel like everything is okay between you.

Sure, see you then. 14:10

You were surprised to find Jungkook in Jimin's room, but with no Jimin to be found. Another missing ingredient was his work stuff, since he just sat around on Jimin's bed on his phone. The moment you made your presence known he threw him phone on the bed, watching with as you crawled next to him.

"I didn't really need help, it was an excuse," Jungkook confessed.

You puffed the pillows behind you, settling beside him. "Why do you need an excuse to hang out?"

"Didn't know what else to say," he shrugged, shimmying closer until your shoulder touched his arm.

You chuckled, touching his leg with yours. "Just say you want to hang out, it's enough."

"I want to hang out."

You laughed, looking at Jimin's glowing stars stuck to the ceiling. The silence wasn't uncomfortable like you feared but pleasant. Jungkook's leg touched yours a few times, but the touch didn't remain as he pulled away. You said nothing to that either, just letting him find his comfortable place since you knew it was harder for him to shake it off than it was for you.

"I didn't get to spend a lot of time near Dogs," Jungkook mused in a light tone, turning his body more towards you to get your attention. You simply looked at him, waiting for him to continue. "But I heard there's this thing, with Rats."

You blinked, knowing that the look on Jungkook's face meant he was testing the waters with something that he's not sure how you will react to. "What thing?"

"An attraction," he paused, evaluating each altered muscle in your face. "Like, a physical one."

You hummed, needing to look away from his intense studying. You didn't know where he's going with this, but your heart started high-key hammering in your chest. "Yeah, that's a thing. I heard about it, but you're kind of the first Dog I've been close to, so I'm not sure."

Jungkook made a small sound, almost like he was frustrated that you're not saying what he wanted you to say. He tried again, sitting up a little to get a better look at you. Your heartbeats became louder to your own ears, making you feel like you're trapped under his attention though you could very easily get away. "Do you," he began, eyes drilling into yours. "Do you feel it?"

You held your breath, not sure what to say. Just the last time you were here you saw how much him and Jimin are feeling for each other, why would he ask you this now? Do they know you have feelings for them and that's what he's trying to get at?

Jungkook licked his lips in a flash. "Jimin," Your heart dropped at the mention of his name as guilt creeped in. "He told me to ask." You frowned, taking in how much closer Jungkook is leaning now, never relenting. "Is it okay if I kissed you?"

You felt like every muscle in your body just hit pause. You looked at him, at the anticipation he now showed after asking the question. It was so not him, he would just do things when his calculated consequence was worth the risk – they must have talked about it, as you know them Jimin must have insisted this is not worth the risk no matter how many calculations he made, he had to ask instead of do. And he did, and you could see how uncharacteristic of him it was as he anxiously waited for your response.

You felt your body move, your instincts taking the wheel to getting what you desired for a long time now. You felt yourself nod, and Jungkook needed no more. He kissed you immediately, hands sailing from your shoulders to your neck, until they could spread across your jaw and cheeks. You felt him tilting your head – like he's done with Jimin – as he moved his body closer to encase you in. He pressed you against the pillows behind you, the body weight on top of yours feeling right enough for your hands to find his waist, asking for more. He complied, tongue moving past your lips to stroke at yours. He made an approving sound from the back of his throat, and you responded immediately with a breathless sound of your own.

You were so focused on the sensations you almost missed the dip of the bed from your left, where Jimin usually is.

Jimin.

You broke apart from Jungkook, not missing his displeased sigh right before he pressed his nose to your shoulder. Right above his you found Jimin's face, with a wild twinkle in his eye and a wide smile pressed painfully tight to his cheeks. "Why did you stop?" he asked cheerfully, crawling closer.

"Because it's weird when your boyfriend is watching," Jungkook answered instead of you, his face still hidden.

"It's not weird, it's nice." It only took one tap of Jimin's hand on Jungkook's head for him to lift his head, pecking his boyfriend centimeters from your face like this is absolutely normal. Jimin's hand came down next to your head as he made sure his amused face is the only thing you could see. "Is it okay?"

You knew what he was asking and knew that Jungkook was watching. Looking at him you found he wore the same expression he had before, like he was waiting for what's to come on the edge of his seat. He nodded at you, rapid motions that were meant to lead you just agree.

So you did.

Jimin's kiss was much less passionate than Jungkook, he just enjoyed the touch, the permission he was granted to have another piece of you. It didn't last long either, but the look he gave you – Jungkook's look – set your mind at ease.

He and Jungkook shared a moment, both still holding you, and you got it now. This time their plan worked. "We want you," Jungkook blurred out, eyes shifting to you as Jimin giggled against his shoulder. "I know you probably understood on your own, but it's important for me to say."

You smiled at Jimin's fit of happy little giggles and at the blush spreading across Jungkook's cheeks. "I want you too."

[nu-metal-generation]

i’m super aware of and interested in genre classifications in music, even though i know they dont have any real bearing on anything. as such, ive noticed a LOT of bands that get referred to as nu metal when in reality they are of some adjacent genre, so im gonna explain some shit bc i can and bc im in special interest limbo.

1. What makes a band nu metal?

Obviously this is up for debate, seeing as how any genre is only defined by the loose boundaries set for it by listeners and critics. However, the criteria I would use to determine would boil down to the following: Heaviness, aggression, and Groove™. But there are lots of bands I see referred to (and even bands widely accepted) as nu metal that do not meet this criteria. It’s worth noting that this is only the stuff that I would consider “true” nu metal, and there’s plenty of this nu-adjacent stuff that I would classify as part of the genre in passing.

2. Examples

Look at my avi. I adore Linkin Park with my entire heart. However. I would not at all consider them true nu metal. They are probably one of the most famous examples used of a nu metal band, but I don’t believe this claim to be legitimate. You see, despite their fortitude in the aggression department, they’re in one of the several grey areas between the genre and its surrounding genres. LP is a rap rock band, and most hard rock or metal bands that employ rapping end up receiving the nu metal label at some point or another. But rap does not equal Groove™. It can serve as the groove, or it can supplement it in some way, but they are not equivalent. By and large, LP doesn’t have that groove in their sound on their albums that get classified as nu metal (HT, THP, Meteora) and the albums where they do find a groove (ATS, HT EP) are not heavy enough to warrant a nu metal label. Again, this isn’t a bad thing, I wouldn’t change a thing about these records. I’m just stating some observations.

Another grey area I see a lot is alternative metal/post-grunge. This is best encapsulated with bands like Staind. While I would maybe concede that a song like Mudshovel could probably be considered a nu metal track, what I’ve heard from Staind on the whole is post-grunge with not a lot of nu metal going on. Once again, they don’t have the Groove™. They also often don’t have the high-speed, breakneck aggression that you get from proper nu metal bands.

Industrial tends to exhibit this as well. I would absolutely not consider Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie, or Nine Inch Nails nu metal in any regard, but I’ve seen that happen. I think this is purely through association bc of bands like Static-X, Spineshank, and Dope who are nu metal and also industrial bands.

Yet another would be funk rock. This is a bit more niche than the last two, but I often see people referring to the likes of Red Hot Chili Peppers as “proto-nu metal” and while I can’t really dispute that too much, I don’t think it’s a super accurate term. “Proto” implies that it’s basically the thing you’re applying the prefix to, just not quite developed. For example, the Stooges are called proto-punk because they were almost punk rock, but punk hadn’t quite developed yet, and so the Stooges helped tip the scales to allow punk to be created. Similarly, I could understand something like Rage Against The Machine being described as proto-nu metal, but I often see it applied to bands like the Chilies that don’t line up quite as well (pls don’t interpret this as me ranting or complaining, again I’m just dumping some observations I’ve made).

I’m also gonna take a sec to talk about some outlier bands. First, Crazy Town, who baffle me. I don’t know how anybody considers them nu metal. In fairness, I only know them by their one huge song, so maybe I missed something, but Butterfly is a rap rock song and that’s it. No nu, no metal. Idk. Just weird. Second, Evanescence, which I understand. Bring Me To Life features those rap vocals that make everybody think Ev is a nu metal band, but they don’t check any of my boxes. They’re not particularly aggressive in sound, not extraordinarily heavy, and definitely don’t have the groove. Thirdly, and this is a big one, Bring Me The Horizon. ?!?! What?? If you’ve listened to wonderful life and nothing else, maybe, but people have been saying that since That’s The Spirit which is not in any way a nu metal album. I think what happens a lot is that since nu metal is likely the most expansive and well-known forms of alt metal, it gets substituted as though they’re synonyms, but the only thing remotely nu metal about TTS is Oli’s vocals being reminiscent of Chester B’s. But the same could be said for Sempiternal, and noone calls that nu metal in any regard! Mind-boggling to me, but if anyone has answers pls explain it to me.

Now to my favourite thing... 3. Categories

also im just doing some of the biggest bands bc those are the most familiar ones

Actual nu metal bands (according to me): Korn (duh), Slipknot, System Of A Down, Mudvayne, Disturbed, Kittie.

Rap rock/Rap metal that is also nu metal: Limp Bizkit, Ill Niño, Vanilla Ice (yeah he’s made nu metal if you didnt know).

Industrial metal that is also nu metal: Dope, Static-X, Spineshank, Powerman 5000.

Rap rock/rap metal that is not true nu metal: Linkin Park, Crazy Town, Papa Roach (debatable)

Alt metal/Post-grunge that is not nu metal: Staind, Three Days Grace, Hoobastank, Breaking Benjamin.

“Proto” shit: RATM, Sugar Ray, Faith No More.

???: Evanescence, Crazy Town, Bring Me The Horizon.

Nu metalcore/nu metal revival: Cane Hill, Wage War (debatable), Demon Hunter, King 810.

[thatonedaydream]

A/N: this took forever im sorry. girls just wanna have fun. gender isn’t specified in this, but they are very feminine, this is a bayonetta au, powerful women is what its all about. also its been awhile since i’ve written anything, this has been sitting around for awhile so... i dunno what its like. the ideas are there lmao

Edited 20-Jan-2019 — spheri

★★★★★

OP: Let’s dance boys!

Lunafreya clasped her hands together and slowly exhaled. Today she would be married—wedded to Prince Noctis Lucis Caelum. It would be an auspicious event, binding his clan of Lucis to her clan of Tenebrae. They were both powerful clans in their own right, but coming together they would be an unstoppable force. Because of this, many adversaries had come out of the woodwork to try and stop it.

While both had their own defensive forces, Luna was happy to let Noctis think that he had everything under control with his Ascended Knights in play at their wedding. His four most trusted knights stood around the altar defending the bride, groom and single priest conducting the ceremony. They were to marry quietly and do their general public service later. For now it was important to complete the ceremony without any disturbance. Doing so with an audience would give more chances for the enemy to attack.

As the priest droned on, his voice echoed in the empty church. Luna gazed into Noctis’ eyes—she did love him so dearly, this wasn’t marriage born of convenience or treaty. She did care for him, but oh—

Men were so useless.

“I’m incredibly sorry—” Luna sweetly interrupted the priest, “ — would you please pass me my staff for a moment?” She asked, although something in her tone was impatient. She continued to smile and gestured for the knight closest to her staff to hand it over to her. Prompto looked confused but did as he was asked after Noctis nodded and gave him permission to do so. “Would you all kindly take one step closer to me?”

Who were they to question the bride’s very simple request?

“Now stay very still.” Luna tapped her staff twice on the stone ground. A dim light bloomed and suddenly spread in lines to form a circular seal all around her. Her final words were a sly warning. “We’ll pay for damages, don’t worry.”

Before anyone could question this, the beautiful stained glass ceiling above them shattered. There was a loud crash as something landed in the center of the church. A very large lance stood upright in a pile of demon corpses. At the end of the spear, a pale-haired woman stood proudly. “Sorry we’re late.” She swung down the pole of the spear.

Luna huffed and muttered some words under her breath, forming a dome and protecting the men around her as well as herself. “I was worried neither of you would show.” An affectionate smile played at her lips.

Demons rained in from the broken ceiling. The priest had collapsed in shock beside Luna and she wondered if Noctis had figured out why she was insistent on a young priest marrying them—funerals were awfully expensive for elder clergymen; they definitely would have died from the horror.

Suddenly the church doors were kicked off their hinges and into the newly arrived demons with such force that they ploughed into the altar, whistling narrowly past Noctis’ esteemed knights. “Sorry.” You didn’t sound the least bit sorry. “I thought ya boy’s knights were meant to have cleared out the area of all the demons?”

“I’m sure they did the best they could.” Luna replied kindly, ignoring all the pointed looks she was getting from the men around her. “I’ll pay you both double to keep us safe.”

While you did like the idea of being paid double, you liked seeing Luna safe a little more. “Tell ya what, this’ll be our wedding gift to you both.” You blew them a kiss from where you stood at the entrance, before waving at your partner who had yanked her lance out of the ground. “Aranea, shall we?”

“Ready when you are.” Aranea drawled, and kicked some demons away from her before swinging her lance around like it weighed nothing. “Now pay attention, boys. You don’t send knights to do a witch’s job.” The runes on the heels of her boots glowed. “Draco Altitudo!” Her next jump was so powerful she left a small crater beneath her. The demons cowered, confused as they watched her disappear through the ceiling they had just dropped down from.

You breathed out and twirled, dragging the toe of your boot in a circle around you. The trail it left glowed, the energy suspending the long cloth of your robes in the air as if you were underwater before transforming them into shimmering, translucent streams of water. “Integrum degluttiat!” The words that bubbled and flowed from your mouth were clear. A command of sheer power.

“You have Astral Witches in your command?” Ignis, the cleverest of Noctis’ Ascended Knights turned to Luna with an incredulous look. “That’s impossible. The last Astral clans were decimated in the last war—”

“Evidently not, good knight.” Luna raised a finger to her lips in a gesture of silence. They had better watch quietly as her Witches were cleaning up their mess. They could learn a thing or two about real power and finishing a goddamned job.

The ground beneath the congregation of demons in the church began to crack and water began to bubble up. You blew a kiss in their direction, but instead of ending it with an elegant flourish of your hand, you mimicked crushing something in your fist. “Leviathan!” There was a roar from beneath the church, and wide jaws crashed through the ground where the demons once stood. The jaws inhaled, sucking the demons into a whirlpool and keeping them in place before disappearing beneath the water again.

“Bye-bye!” You called.

In the next instant, Aranea came down like a falling star, right where the demons were. In a spray of dark blood, they were pierced by her lance or crushed by the force of her landing. The water faded, sinking beneath the blood-stained earth. She swung around the pole of her lance a final time and landed gracefully on her feet.

It was mostly silent in the church, save for the sound of a few limbs that sloughed off broken wooden pews, slick from the carnage. You exhaled as your clothes lost their magic glow and returned to normal, although even in your natural state, there was an unearthly aura about you—it was the same with Aranea.

Luna tapped her staff on the ground to remove the barrier. The men around her looked uneasy, either from being ashamed of the apparent piss-poor attempt at securing the safety of the church or being overwhelmed by the sheer power of not one but two Astral witches. “Thank you ladies, for your assistance.”

Both you and Aranea approached your contractor with confident strides. “Anytime.” Aranea winked at Luna. “So, did we miss the important part of the wedding?” She glanced at the priest who was rocking back and forth and praying under his breath. “...I guess not.”

“We should move you both to a safer location.” The burliest of Noctis’ knights, Gladiolus, stepped forward. You could feel the aether flowing in him. Ascended Knights weren’t as unheard of as Astral witches, but their brotherhood had scaled down significantly over the last few centuries—they had gotten cocky after winning the last war against the demons. However, it wasn’t surprising that the best of the knights would be assigned to guard Noctis.

As Gladio tried to push past you, you pressed a finger into his chest to stop him from approaching the bride and groom. “Nuh-uh.” Just to get your point across, you channelled but a flicker of your power through the tip of your finger.

He sucked in a breath as soon as you touched him. It was like a pin-prick at his soul. For a brief moment, he felt what you were capable of. A teardrop in an ocean of power so deep and ancient, who knew what dwelled in the darkness beneath. He stared at you; how could a human being possibly hold such power? Was the other witch with the lance the same?

“You need to get married on holy ground to finish the covenant.” You stated to Luna more than anyone else. “The reason why Aranea and I agreed to help you was that of your conviction,” You removed your finger from Gladio’s chest and he carefully exhaled, although he looked a little shaken. “But your window of opportunity is closing fast.”

“Luna, what do they mean?” Noctis gently turned his bride-to-be to face him. “What are you planning?”

She had really hoped to have the conversation after they were married, so Luna hesitated. To have you and Aranea at her side was a boon, but she also knew it would be difficult to keep your loyalty if she didn’t come through with what was promised, even if you were friends. You were Astral witches, you had much bigger things to deal with. “I—”

Noctis watched Luna struggle, but then took her hands in his. “No, don’t worry about it. You can tell me after we’re wed.” He smiled at the flash of surprise in her expression which was quickly covered by her usual mild mask. He knew the kind of woman Lunafreya was, the kind of woman he had fallen in love with. Though at first glance she was genial and sweet, she held a fire of determination that forged a steel will. No doubt it was those traits that attracted the Astral witches to her side. “I love you—and I trust you. Whatever it is you have planned, I’ll do what I can to help.”

“Wait—are you sure that’s smart?!” The blond knight Prompto finally perked up. You and Aranea had seen him quietly and anxiously observing everything that was happening. It looked like he wanted to speak up at multiple times, but you supposed he had finally gathered the courage to speak his mind. “Not that I’m suspicious of your motives Lady Lundafreya—I mean, I kind of am, but—y’know, with the witches and everything it feels kind of suspicious?” He blurted.

Aranea snickered. “Aww, the shortcake is worried. So cute.” She purred, glancing his direction, although it felt like a dragon eyeing a mouse. “Don’t worry, we Astral witches aren’t known for backing the side with terrible motives.” Although ‘terrible’ meant something different for each person. “Once these two are wed, our protection extends to you and your brotherhood as well.”

“Who said we need protecting?” Gladiolus crossed his arms. You waved your hand at the surrounding mess of the church, letting it do the talking for you. The burly knight glowered at you and you simply winked in return.

“You might not need it now, but for the coming storm, you will.” If Lunafreya hadn’t spoken of her plans, then you wouldn’t say anything.

But you sure fucking hoped these boys would be ready for a war.

★★★★★

ED: Fly Me To The Moon [Climax Mix]

[exo-can]

Growing Pains: I Miss You

A collection inspired by Adele’s album 25

Order: 1) When We Were Young 3)River Lea 4)Send My Love (To Your New Lover)

WARNING: Language, some soft smut (rare i know lol)

gif originally posted by @vanillalattaes

A/N: Although its not required, i would recommend reading this series in the order i release them as im doing it in a sort of star wars fashion lol. It won’t affect you storyline wise though if you choose to read this one first (: enjoy my lovlies

     The room felt as suffocatingly tense as it was quiet. The only reprieve from the silence being a small cough or the frustrated tapping of a pencil once in a while. Desperately, you willed yourself to ignore it, eyes determined to remain on your page, as though staring at the blank space was going to will the answer to simply appear. Why the fuck did I listen to the counsellor and take this course? Your pupils flitted over the question again, as though you had expected to find some hint to the answer. I wanted a publishing internship, not a crash course on how music affects literature!

    Exactly one month ago, on this very day, you signed over your sanity by signing up for this Theory and Analysis class. To be fair, you didn't think that examining a few notes and a poem here and there would be too hard. In fact, you’d even called it a cake walk. Boy, oh boy, were you ever wrong. The knowledge that you would have been able to get the internship was in the back of your mind; you were a good student with a strong GPA. Yet, you still wanted something to give you even the slightest edge over your competitors, which is when the school course advisor suggested this. You had agreed at the time. After all, so many authors now were also musicians, so it could give you a connection or even an insight to their work that perhaps other interns might not have. Now, you wholeheartedly regretted that decision.

    Sighing, you slumped into your chair which made a loud squeak. Heads whipped in your direction, icy glares making you sink lower, mouthing a silent ‘sorry.’ Once your peers turned back around you sighed once more, rubbing your fingertips into the temples of your skull, making it look to anyone who glanced at you like you were meditating in your seat. C’mon, Y/N, an internal peptalk starting in your head, You’re not gonna let this ruin your GPA. Schumann, Schumann, Schumann… or was it Schubert? Motherfu-- You could feel your forehead wrinkling in concentration, when a small snicker snapped you out of your trance. Knowing exactly who it came from, your eyes squinted at Taehyung, who was in the desk beside you, menacingly. Lifting your hand, you raised your most favourite finger at the moment, Taehyung only grinning at you like a child in response before turning back to his own test. Rolling your eyes, you were about to do the same, when your vision was halted on a head of black hair just past Taehyung.

    You didn't know him personally, only through mutual friends. Honestly, you’d never even really spoken to him. You only knew what you heard, which was a fair amount. His name was Min Yoongi. He was a music major, but you didn't really know whether he composed or played. That wasn’t really what the other girls liked to discuss. The seemingly much more interesting topic was his love life. Yoongi was good looking, it was no secret. There was something so interesting about his sharp features and cat-like eyes. Even you had to admit it, staring at his face from three desks down like the creepiest person in existence. But he was also known to dine and dash, so to speak. There were a good amount of girls who claimed to have slept with him, but never had anyone seen him actually with someone beyond one night, so it was widely disputed whether they ever actually had slept together. However, there was one detail that remained the same with every girl; he never contacted or even spoke to any of them after. Looking at him now, you didn't really think someone like him could be that cruel. Someone who was close with your new-found friend, Taehyung, could never be. Taehyung was one of the most kind hearted people you’d ever met, despite the teasing.

    Normally, these sorts of traits were a bit of a turn off for you; most guys who falled into the category he was described as all ended up being the same. And ultimately boring. You’d played that game before and had long since grown tired of it. Yet as you scanned his profile, you mused that maybe you wouldn’t mind dealing yourself in once more to relieve pent up stress, if nothing else.

    Taehyung knew him personally, so you knew it would only be a matter of time before you were introduced. Placing your head in your palm, your rested your elbow on your desk. Distantly, you wondered what kind of person he would actually turn out to be. His fingers deftly swiped his pencil back and forth on his paper. You couldn’t read exactly what he wrote, but you were surprised at how full his page his was, only infringing a slight amount of guilt on you for neglecting your own test. Watching, you admired how nimble, yet thin his hands were. Long fingers gripped the pencil strong enough that the veins in his hand could be seen, when suddenly they stopped their movements. Your eyes traveled back up his frame, only to meet his own curious ones. Immediately you snatched your gaze away, your head practically flying out of your palm in sheer panic. Reaching your fingers out to grab your own pencil far too hastily, it clattered to the floor deafeningly. Heads all turning back to you, each person seemed to be sending you telepathic prayers that your would just mysteriously disappear for disturbing them once more. The floor was the only thing you could safely look at as your cheeks flushed red and you dived for your pencil. Retrieving it you immediately hid your tomato face behind your hands with your elbows on the desk and stared down at your paper with more focus than ever. Unable to look, you could hear the other students turning back around in their seats resentfully as you shook your head at your own embarrassment. Such. An. Idiot.

    “So, Yoongi said something to me the other day.” The coffee in your mouth suddenly tasted bitter despite the disgusting amount of sugar and caramel syrup in it.

    Struggling to avoid spitting the liquid all over the pavement as you walked beside Taehyung, you attempted to compose yourself though the incident from last week surged to the forefront of your mind. Humiliation resurfacing and panic setting in because there was absolutely no way in hell Taehyung would ever let you live this down. Patting your chest and then sticking out your tongue as though the drink had burned your tongue after you swallowed. When you finally replied, your voice was thick with the attempt to feign innocence. “Oh? About?”

    “You.” Your heart felt like it was falling through the floor.

    “Really? What did he say?” You replied, despite knowing you were most likely caught and were about to face a face full of ridicule that would last until graduation in 4 years.

    “He kinda just asked who you were, seeing as we’ve been attached at the hip since orientation.” A glimmer of hope shined on the horizon. “To be honest, I thought he was gonna ask if you had some sort of condition because of all the drool pouring out of your mouth last week.”

    And there it went. “You saw?!”

    “Pretty sure the whole class did, Y/N.” He simpered when you batted him with your free arm.

    “Ass,” you muttered into the lid of your coffee.

    “It’s okay if you have a crush on him. He’s a good guy, for the most part.” Taehyung commented, his last addition perking your interest. What does that mean? “Besides, I maybe, sorta, have a little thing for your friend…”

    “Haerin?” You looked at him, puzzled seeing as they’d met all of one time and it was very brief. Sheepishly, he shook his head and it dawned on you, pausing mid step on the sidewalk. “Wait, Luna?!”

    Rolling his eyes, he didn’t slow his pace, forcing you to jog forward to keep up once the initial shock wore off.

    “You do know she’s head over heels for her boyfriend, right?” He nodded, a scowl on his face. “And that they’ve been together for nearly two years?”

    “Yes, Y/N.” His voice was slightly aggravated. “It’s a crush. It’s not like i'm going to propose.”

    A twinge of unease poked at your stomach as you realized you weren't exactly being supportive. “I just don’t want you to be disappointed when nothing comes from it, Tae.”

    The corner of his mouth turned upwards and he patted your shoulder. “Don’t worry, I know there's not really a chance of anything happening.” His grin grew in size, mischief brewing beneath his irises. “You, on the other hand, have some hope. Which would be why I invited Yoongi to the library with us.”

    Once again, you halted in your steps, mortified at what your friend had done. “You did what?!”

    “Would you stop doing that?” Taking two steps back, he gripped your arm and pulled you forward. “For one, you’re going to spill coffee all over yourself. Second, he’s waiting for us.”

    “I hate you.”

    “Yeah, yeah.” He giggled as he let his grip on your arm go.

    “Seriously, Tae.” You whined. “I don’t think this is a good idea. I’m going home.”

    “No, you aren’t.” He shook his head. “He’s already seen you.”

    Snapping your eyes in the direction which Taehyung was now waving, you spotted him. Leaning against the railing of the steps to the old campus library, he looked cosy. Bundled in a gray scarf and a long, black, tweed coat, you could see a tinge of rouge powdering his nose from the chill October air. Pulling a hand out of his pocket, he gave a wave back before delving the limb back into his pocket in search of warmth.  His face is a little puffy in the morning, you remarked. Cute. Eyes twitched over to you, a new flush of red dusting your own cheeks at being caught staring once again. Averting your eyes to the tops of your shoes, a weird pulling sensation made your insides squirm.

    Steeling your nerves, you did your best to at least appear composed as the gap between you and Yoongi dwindled. By the time you reached him, your internal panic levels had reduced a little, though you still felt like bolting in the opposite direction to avoid the imminent awkwardness. Playing with the lid of your coffee, your shoes scuffed to a stop once Taehyung did the same. Letting your eyes drift upward, it came as a surprise to find him being the one staring for a change, though he made no move to conceal it. You did your best to read him, but it was to no avail, his face remaining as stoic as ever. It was Taehyung who was the first to speak, a knowing grin on his face as he drew the pair of your’s attention away from one another. “Y/N, this is Yoongi.”

    A self-conscious smile flashed across your lips as you murmured a short, “Hey.”

    “Hey,” Yoongi’s sultry tone took you off guard; you didn’t expect someone like him to have such a deep, raspy voice.

    “You look tired.” Taehyung interjected.

    Yoongi scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, I was up a little late last night.”

    “Aw shit I forgot, your project was due this morning right?” Taehyung replied apologetically, to which his friend nodded. “You didn’t have to come! We could’ve done this later.”

    “No, that’s okay.” His dark irises fluttered to you briefly. “I wanted to.”

    “Right.” Taehyung smirked, brushing past Yoongi to the steps that lead to the library. “Let’s go then.”

    Following behind, you walked up the steps to the door, Yoongi taking up the rear. Taehyung didn’t bother to hold the door for you, forcing you to reach out to catch it with a flash of annoyance. “Hey!”

    Taehyung snickered as people immediately shushed you, a blush fanning across your cheeks for letting him goad you. Whispering under your breath, you commented on your friends child like antics, “Dick.”

    A breathless laugh came from behind you. Sneaking a glance back, Yoongi’s eyes were reduced to slivers, his cheeks higher from hiding a grin in the depths of his scarf. Weaving through the library, you did your best to quell the butterflies fluttering in your stomach. Your efforts not doing much as frustration took hold at how he’d barely even said a word, but somehow made you feel like you were back in highschool, pining for some guy. Never one to fall fast, it was odd for you to feel this nervous around a guy. You weren't a stranger to hookups, but a part of you wondered if it was just because it had been a little while.

    Brushing the thoughts away, you focus on not hitting one of the various tables as Taehyung led you into one of the group study rooms where talking was permitted. Yoongi was the last to enter, closing the door softly behind him. Setting your half-empty drink on the table, you shrugged your backpack off along with your jacket. Thank god, you’d decided that your comfiest sweatpants and sweater were a bit too musky to wear in public. Settling into your chair, you unloaded your books as Taehyung sat across from you and placed his things on the chair beside him, leaving the one beside you the only chair left for Yoongi to take. He didn’t seem at all fazed though, barely batting an eye at Taehyung's obviousness as he took up the place beside you. Taking off his coat and scarf, he opted to keep the beanie on, which you didn’t mind at all as he looked like a walking-talking advertisement for it. His black hair poked out the front and sides, a glimmer of an earring catching your eye. Shaking your head you averted your gaze to your book, forcing yourself to read the text. I’m starting to understand why these girls rave about him….

    “Y/N?” Taehyung snapped you out of your reverie, “you aren’t going to study our theory class?”

    “No. I’ve been studying that all week.” You replied, defeated. “I’m pretty sure that my head is actually going to explode if I do.”

    “Fair,” Taehyung chuckled. “I just thought maybe you’d wanna ask Yoongi for some help seeing as how great your last test went.”

    Quirking your head, you said, “I’m sure he has his own stuff too; I don't wanna unload on anyone--”

    “He got 93 percent on the test.”

    Your head immediately turned to the side, mouth slightly agape. You never knew he got such good grades; it wasn’t exactly something people talked about. He looked a little unnerved by your reaction, “I don’t mind--”

    “Please.” You cut him off, nearly facepalming at your lack of tact. “I mean, if you don’t mind, could you please help me? Only if you have the time though. Again, I don’t wanna cause you any trouble--”

    “Y/N,” The sound of your name leaving his lips made your stomach flip. “It’s no bother; it helps me study it too.”

    The sun had just began to descend when Taehyung had left the two of you to your own devices, though you didn't really notice. On the exterior, Yoongi seemed like a gruff sort of person, but as he started teaching you, you found out that wasn't at all the case. He went through notes and old tests so patiently with you, never complaining when you got a question wrong even if it was the fourth time you’d been over it. Not once. Gentle fingers glided over the pages of your old text book, showing you references and dates while keeping the page open until he was sure you understood. As you studied, you realized that he wasn’t just taking a course because society expected him to; he was passionate about music.

    The proximity between you had eventually began to close as your timidness wore off and you felt more comfortable with him. Your bodies now only centimeters apart. He was close enough that you could smell his cologne and his arm would sometimes brush against yours, sending a tingle up your spine. Doing your best to focus, you only snuck glances at him when he was reading from the textbook. There were smaller things you’d noticed about him now; his tendency to fiddle with his pencil, the miniscule freckle just to the right of his nose, and the way his lips settled into a pout whenever he rested his features. An urge to know more about him lingered, the study session only fueling your intrigue instead of burning it out as it usually did when you met a guy like this. As time wore on, excitement still gurgled inside you but guilt couldn’t help but convolute your heart. This entire time he’d only been helping you instead of studying his own things.

    “I’m sorry,” You apologized after getting a question wrong, noting that the clock on the wall read 5 pm. “We can stop now.”

    Yoongi quirked his head, “Why?”

    “I’ve taken up your whole day.” You sighed.

    “I told you I didn’t mind.”

    “Yeah, i know...” you trailed off, still unsatisfied. A silence ensued as you cursed your own selfishness and began to pack your things back up while Yoongi remained still.

    “Treat me, then.” His comment made you pause.

    “What?”

    “If you feel that bad,” He reasoned, following your actions and packing up before sending you a grin, “go to dinner with me.”

    Your eyes grew wide at the suggestion, heat flaring up inside you. Gathering your bearings, you did your best to appear unaffected though from the way Yoongi smirked, you knew it was already too late. “Is this your way of asking me out on a date?”

    “No,” he replied teasingly, “i’m pretty sure I only asked you to treat me.”

    Your face dropped into a frown. Hoisting your backpack up, you brushed past him to the door of the group study room muttering, “I can see why you and Taehyung are friends now.” 

    A throaty chuckle sounded behind you and you couldn’t help the corners of your mouth from upturning ever so slightly.

    “You're joking right?” Digging your chin into your jacket, your eyes danced over neon lights, flashing from every direction. The street was crowded, which made sense considering the time. Some people rushed through, while others doddled along gazing at each sign as they passed various vendors. The unmistakable scent of food wafted toward you, making your mouth salivate. “You could have picked an actual restaurant; i’m not that cheap.”

    “I never said you were. I happen to love street food, thanks.” Yoongi grinned at you, scarf muffling his words a little. Like many others, his catlike eyes scanned each stall, a playful expression on his face as he lurched down the road. “Besides, if we went to a restaurant people might mistake this as a date and think im an ass for not paying.”

    “When are you going to stop teasing me about that?!” You elbowed him in the side, the redness in your cheeks only accentuating your pout as you muttered, “Any girl would make the same mistake.”

    A small laugh left his lips, making your stomach flutter, “C’mon.”

    A gust of wind brushed your back, sending a chill down your spine. “Are you sure you don't want to go to a restaurant?”

    “Positive,” He immediately responded, his face brightening when he found the stall he’d been looking for. “They have all my favourites here.”

    “But, it’s cold out here.” You whined.

    A look of realization crossed his features, his eyes scanning your figure which was nearly folding in on itself to contain some warmth. Placing a hand on your arm to stop you, he replied, “Wait here for a sec.”

    Confused, you watched as he turned his back on you and headed down one of the various streets. Standing awkwardly on the pavement, you itched to follow him, but obeyed anyway. Pulling your hands together in front of your mouth, you breathed into them. A split second of bliss graced them before disappearing, leaving you to rub them against one another vigorously to try and keep a fraction of that warmth. So focused on your task, you almost didn’t notice when he reappeared in front of you, his hand full of something you couldn't quite make out. The palms of your hands stopped their rubbing motions as his hand grabbed yours and pulled it toward him. Placing a squishy package in your hand, he reached into his pocket to pull out another as warmth bloomed in your palm. Cracking the pack, he handed the other one over, “Put those ones in your shoes.”

    It was then that you realized you’d been staring at him, dumbfounded. Snapping yourself out of it, you nodded numbly. Crouching, you lifted the tongue of each sneaker, shoving the hot packs in one by one. Wiggling your toes, you relished in the warmth before rising up to your feet. While you’d been doing what you were told, Yoongi pulled two more out and burst the bubble in each. Slender fingers grabbed your hands, placing the packs in your palms before curling them over yours to make your hand into a fist. Taking hold of your wrists, he pushed your hands into your pockets while you stood like a mannequin, letting him control you.  Reaching up, he unraveled his scarf from around his neck, the bottom half of his face revealing itself. Zipping up his coat to the top, he gently curled his scarf around your neck, the pads of his fingers brushing against your skin faintly. Eyes studying the fabris, he only ceasing his fiddling with his when he was happy with how it encased you.

    “Yoongi,” you began to protest, only for him to cut your words short.

    “Better?”

    Nodding in response, you bit your lip hesitantly, “But what about you?’

    “Don’t worry, Y/N. I’ll be fine.” Again at the mention of your name, your heart seemed to press forward against your ribs, only swelling when he gave you a reassuring smile that made his eyes crinkle. “Let's go eat.”

    Though you hated to admit it, you were thankful to Taehyung. After that night of eating and talking about random things, Yoongi started to become someone you saw frequently in your life. It would be a little bold to call you friends, but more accurate to say you were a smidge more than study buddies. Pulling out textbooks and going through notes together became a weekly thing, sometimes more depending on how much work you had. Just the same as the first time, Yoongi was patient with you. After a few weeks, he even started to ask you questions to about classes he found more difficult even if it wasn't something you took either. He claimed he just needed a different perspective, which you were eager to provide seeing as your mark in the class you shared had gone up by a whopping 10 percent since he’d begun helping you. You found it regretful though that you couldn't be of more help. It’d been two months since the two of you started hanging around each other and though you were happy to have him around, you couldn't help but feel frustrated.

    The more time you spent with him, the more you ached to know him on a deeper level. You weren't new to relationships, but you'd never really been this curious about someone. Time would slow when you weren’t with him, a yearning to be in his presence gradually growing until he took up most of your thoughts. Daydreams danced in your head about whether he was a good kisser, if he’d turn out like every other guy you’d eventually grown bored with, and what kind of person he was under his guarded exterior. If you were honest, you felt pathetic that you were in college and some guy who had never even kissed you, let alone touch you in a way that wasn't an accidental brush of the skin, had this effect on you. But you also craved to learn what it would feel like if he did.

    Somewhere among your studying and coffee runs, you’d made it your goal to satiate your curiosity. You didn’t aim so high as to date, just to hook up at least once. However, only disappointment greeted you. Not once had he ever made a move to touch you. Occasionally there were flirtatious jabs, but never anything more. Eventually, you started to wonder if maybe you just weren’t his type and the girls who seemed to hover and whisper all around you were.

    Whenever you were with the man, hushed voices followed. You knew what they were wondering; why was he hanging out with you so much? Were you dating? What made you so different? Sometimes you’d chuckle, earning a confused glance from Yoongi which you’d always brush off. Other times you’d find yourself moping because they were far from the truth. Right now, it was the latter.

    “Did you see that chick who left Yoongi's dorm yesterday morning?” Jimin, one of Taehyungs friends, questioned your circle of friends sitting at a table in the cafeteria.

    “No,” Taehyung replied, quickly trying to divert the conversation to spare you while Luna and Haerin snuck worried glances your way, “where is he and Namjoon anyway?”

    Jimin shrugged, “Yoongi sent me a text at 4 this morning so Namjoon is probably trying to wake him up.”

    “Do you mean that girl who was sitting on the curb?” Jungkook piped up, earning a glare from Taehyung whose efforts were thwarted, though he didn't seem to notice.

    “Sitting on the curb?” Jin asked.

    “Yeah,” Jungkook nodded, shoveling the last few pieces of a pancake into his mouth, “I think she was waiting for a cab.”

    “Yeah that one,” Jimin nodded while Jin muttered about how rude it was to make her wait outside, “do you think he’d mind if I asked for her number?”

    “Does he ever?” Taehyung huffed, discreetly placing a comforting hand on your own, which you’d absentmindedly curled into a ball, under the table. Taking a breath and shoving the fruit on your plate around, you implored yourself to relax. Why do I even care? I’m just a person he studies with.

    “That’s true,” Jimin nodded. “She was really hot though.”

    “Do you really have to talk about this with us here?” Luna barked from beside you, annoyance making her eyebrows bunch.

    Jimin glanced at her sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. “Sorry, I just didn’t think it was a problem seeing as we have before.”

    “It’s annoying.” She was relentless. “It’s not like I gab about my latest conquests.”

    “Bullshit,” Taehyung quickly rebuked, his hand becoming tighter on yours, “you constantly talk about your boyfriend.”

    Luna’s mouth dropped. “That’s different!”

    “It’s not.”

    “Yes, it is!”

    Bickering ensued from each side of you, causing you to slump in your chair, rolling your eyes. Ignoring the war raging on, Jungkook nodded his head toward the door, speaking directly to jimin, “If you still want to, here’s your chance.”

    Instantly your eyes shifted to the direction he motioned to, spotting a groggy Yoongi shuffling behind Namjoon like a zombie. Panic and dread consumed you. All you wanted to do was disappear, embarrassed at how much you’d lusted over someone who clearly wasn't interested. Before his irises could meet yours, you stood from your chair. The abruptness of your movement made the chair squeal as it skid against the floor, drawing the tables attention to you.

    “I forgot something in my dorm.” You muttered quietly, pivoting on your heel to rush through the door on the other side of the room, opposite from the one Yoongi had arrived in.

    “Wait, Y/N!” Haerin exclaimed, rising from her own seat with a worried expression.

    “Yeah, we’ll come!” Luna chimed in, her spat with Taehyung forgotten.

    You didn’t slow for them, focused on reaching the hallway before the green monster hiding out on your back was discovered by the one person who was the source of it. You cursed yourself over and over again in your head. This feeling of being at someone else's mercy was something you loathed. It was something every person would experience at least once in their life; you knew this. But it didn’t make it any easier when it happened. Feeling small and insecure, the insults directed to yourself spewed from your brain. You’d thought you’d grown past this and had learnt to not fall too deep before anything had ever even happened. Apparently you had been wrong.

    The tapping of two pairs of feet caught up with you. Luna remarked once her and Haerin were by your side, “What assholes.”

    “They didn’t do anything.” You replied before letting out a sigh. “I didn’t want him to see me is all. I feel so stupid.”

    “Y/N,” Haerin frowned, “you can’t help liking someone.”

    “I know.” You agreed. “I just don’t understand why it upset me and I hate that i’m mad when I literally have no reason to be. It’s not like we even had a thing, y’know? I just carried on one sidedly and got ahead of myself.”

    The girls stayed silent by your side, nodding while Luna patted your shoulder. They didn't defend you because in all honesty, you really had just gotten ahead of yourself. “It’s okay to just really want someones dick sometimes.”

    “Luna!” Haerin chided while you burst into a laugh, breaking the solemn atmosphere.

    “What? Its true and she hasn’t had any lately.” Luna reasoned, putting her chin in her hand like she was thinking. “Maybe it was just that he’s hot and you’re horny and y’know, pheromones and stuff.”

    “That is true.” You quirked your head contemplatively.

    “I have an idea!” Haerin interjected. “That guy with the long hair and is really annoying said his frat house is having a party tonight.”

    “I forgot about that!” Luna exclaimed excitedly. “Lets go get drunk, forget about Yongle or whatever,” you couldn’t help but snort, “and maybe even land you a guy for the night to work out all this frustration!”

    “Well?” Haerin looked at you optimistically. Right after she’d mentioned getting drunk you knew you’d go, but you played it like you weren’t sure. A hopeful silence paused the conversation for a moment, before a grin stretched across your lips and you nodded. The girls by your side nearly shouted with enthusiasm, hooking their arms with yours while you giggled and outsiders rolled their eyes at your groups antics.

    The day seemed to drag, as it always did. However, today it was almost like someone had hit rewind, each time you looked at the clock feeling like a punch in the gut. All you wanted was to go home, beat your face, and get drunk with the people who loved you. As time ticked away, you did start to feel better. You credited this to Luna’s explanation. After all, your initial attraction to Yoongi, who you avidly avoided for the remainder of the day, was purely physical. Granted, you had grown interested in him, but it wasn’t like you were in love. Looking back at the days you’d spent in his company, your mind analyzed every second, coming up with reasons why your body reacted to him or why your mind became goo. In short, you chalked it up as lust, telling yourself that you would’ve felt the same way with any attractive guy with how long it’d been since you’d been intimate with a person. By the time the clock struck half past 3, you’d successfully convinced yourself that Yoongi hadn’t actually upset you, your hormones had.

    Feeling confident again, there was a spring in your step as you trotted down the halls. Outfit choices and makeup selections swiped through your thoughts, anticipation bubbling as you thought about the night to come. All your musings clouded your senses. So much so, you didn’t notice when Taehyung waltzed up beside you and threaded his arm through yours.

    “Holy shit!” A squeal erupted from your lips, your free hand coming to clutch your chest.

    “Hi,” Taehyung grinned, not bothering to conceal his satisfaction with startling you.

    “You scared the crap out of me, Tae.” Loosening the hold on your chest, you punched him on the arm, though a good natured smile coated your mouth.

    “Sorry, sorry,” He apologized, though you knew from the giggles that he didn’t mean it in the slightest. “What are you doing tonight? Wanna grab a bite and see a horror movie?”

    “Tempting,” The hand you hit him with rested on his forearm, giving him a little squeeze of appreciation. Without saying anything, you knew he was worried about you. This morning you knew he’d felt guilty about what had happened from the seven messages he’d sent asking you if you were alright. Even though you’d reassured him every time, his actions were a testament to the kind of friend he was to you. He refused to cease his pestering until he was positive that there wasn’t a hint of sadness lingering inside your heart. “I can’t though. I’m going to a party in that one frat house on the corner.”

    “You are?” He feigned vexation. “Why wasn’t I invited?!”

    A shrug from you jostled your knotted arms, “I just hadn’t seen you yet.”

    “Well, I’m coming. I won't breathe a word to He Who Shall Not Be Named.” He reassured you and drew his vacant arm up to draw a cross over his heart. “Scouts honor.”

    Snorting at his reference, you shook your head indifferently, “It’s fine. I don’t care if he’s there.”

    Taehyungs eyes became slivers, lips forming an ‘n’ from his skepticism. “Yeah, okay.”

    Laughing at his distorted face, you rebutted, “I honestly don’t!”

    “Alright,” he acknowledged, though the suspicion he exuded didn’t fade.

    Opening the exit doors, you shivered and let your grasp on your friend slacken as you prepared to head your separate ways. Starting on the path to your respective home, you walked backwards so you still faced Taehyung. “Come to my dorm at nine-ish, okay? We’ll sneak you in to pregame.”

    Instead of replying, he merely shot you a thumbs up and a smile, zipping up his coat to the top and jogging off down the sidewalk. Turning around, you shoved your hands in your pockets, the memory of that first night with Yoongi flashing in your mind briefly before you forced it back into the vault of things you would rather ignore. Sighing wistfully, you carried yourself down the path, your previous daydreams coming back to life as the cold air nipped at you through your jacket.

    The party was like any other frat party you’d been to; cramped, loud, and vaguely smelling like something that had been left out to rot. You didn't mind much though, the alcohol in your bloodstream making all that seem somehow pleasant. Your vision was slightly blurred, though you were very much coherent. The taste of smoke lingered in your mouth even after you took a swig of your drink, head bobbing to the music while musing about everything and nothing.

    As promised, Taehyung had joined in on the fun. Accompanying the three of you and declaring himself your honorary bodyguard of the night after he was a few beers in. However, you knew he wouldn’t be a very good one seeing as though he tried his best, his attention always seemed to swerve off in the direction of Luna. He meant well, but he was a flirty guy and she was what he liked. You could see them on the other side of the room, leaning against the wall, Taehyung grinning like he’d won a prize as Luna tossed her head back as she laughed. A small smile graced your lips. They’re cute.

    Haerin was still by your side though, a slightly sour look on her face because ‘she already has a boyfriend and this is supposed to be girls night, so what the fuck?’ You had patted her shoulder sympathetically when you heard the stinging in her words and muttered a short reassurance that it was okay. Watching the dynamic play out, worry tugged at your mind, knowing that something more was going on and that you should probably address it. But fuck it. You were the one who was supposed to be comforted tonight for your brief and bizarre lapse in judgement. The weird love triangle wait for another day.

    After successfully drawing her attention away from your two best friends, the two of you knocked cups, vowing to find a good lay for the night and downing the burning liquid. Since then, the pair of you milled about, giggling to each other as you scouted for candidates. Bouncing around, there were a few guys who interested you, stopping to chat and lay down some ground work to give yourself options as everyone did in college. However, even as you smiled sweetly and laughed at their mediocre jokes, your mind always seemed to revert to the fact that they weren't who you really wanted. And yet, you trudged on, giving out sly touches and coy glances all the while ignoring the nagging sensation burning at the back of your brain.

    “I have to go to the washroom.” Haerin leaned in close to tell you after a while. Shuffling to the stairs, you assured her that you’d be fine waiting on the main level for her, not wanting to fight your way through the throngs of people unnecessarily.

    And so, here you were. Back against the wall with the rim of your cup touching your bottom lip, you fiddled with the hem of your long sleeve crop top that you’d paired with a faux suede skirt despite the chilly weather. Taking a moment for yourself, you noted that Taehyung and Luna weren’t where they had been before. Tugging out your phone that you’d tucked into the pocket of your oversized jean jacket for safekeeping, you shot Taehyung a quick text asking where he was and letting him know where you were. Storing your phone back away, you glanced up the stairs as it had been a little while. Wondering what was taking so long, you shifted your weight from foot to foot impatiently. A few minutes passed. Then another few. And another. When you were nearing the 20 minute mark and the end of your rope, you heaved a sigh, coming to the conclusion that she’d either met someone or had been dragged off by someone else. Resigning yourself to having to play mom and find her, you were just about to start your search when you heard a familiar voice rasp, “hey.”

    All the warmth that had accumulated in you seemed to seep out of every pore, your eyes growing wide as you swiveled your head toward the intruder. Drooping, ink eyes captured your, a telltale glaze across them that made him look spaced out though he was looking right at you. You gave him a once over, his black jeans sticking close to him while his grey shirt and plaid combo did the opposite. Clearing your throat a little, your eyes raked back up to his, your indifferent facade cracking when you spotted a knowing smirk on his lips. Moving the plastic cup away from your mouth, you spoke as you always did to him,“hey.”

    “You ran away this morning.” He stated.

    “Ah,” a blush touched your cheeks, “I forgot my notebook in my dorm.”

    He nodded but his features displayed something akin to disappointment, stepping closer when someone grazed his back. “You seemed like you were in a hurry.”

    You could smell the lingering scent of beer wafting toward you when he spoke, “I didn’t want to be late.”

    He quirked a brow, never being one to fall for someone's bullshit. “Y/N, you’re late everyday.”

    “Am not,” you quipped back though the corner of your mouth betrayed you by curling upward. “I didn’t know you kept a record of my attendance.”

    He chuckled lowly, “I don’t, but it’s hard not to notice when Taehyung seems to vibrate like a puppy when you come in.”

    A laugh tumbled out of you at that, the mental image appearing behind your eyes. Yoongi grinned back, a hand coming out to rest on your lower back, tugging you closer as someone tried to get by the two of you. The giggling died down as his hand felt like it was scorching through your jacket. Your chests were only a small distance away now and you found yourself absentmindedly leaning in closer to his warmth. That tug in your chest roaring to life and inching you closer. Eyes meeting his, the smile he’d worn had dissipated into a line. He didn’t remove his hand completely, but instead let it drift to the hem of your skirt. Skin skimmed your thigh as he fingered the fabric, his expression one you’d never seen him with before, but tantalizing all the same. A flash of pink wet his lip, voice low when he spoke, “You look good.”

    “Thanks.” A current of titillation shocked your core, rendering yourself unable to say anything more than that. Dark irises fluttered between your lips and eyes, the distance between you carving away. However, as soon as he leaned down just enough to grant you vision behind him, you spotted Jimin talking to some blonde in the corner. Immediately the anticipation that was threatening to boil over, died down into a faint ripple. Before you could catch yourself, you muttered, “You really are good, aren’t you?”

Halting, Yoongi’s brow furrowed in confusion. Straightening, he looked lost as he replied, “good at what?”

    But you never got to reply, a voice interrupting you, “Min Yoongi!”

    Recognizing the deep tone which belonged to Taehyung, the pair of you shot apart, your skin mourning when Yoongi's no longer graced yours. Yoongi put on an impressively bored face, looking behind you at your sloppy friend who trudged over to throw an arm over you. “What?”

    “Ugh,” you winced, attempting to shove Taehyungs hand off your shoulder. “Tae, you reek of booze.”

    “Sorry, some guy spilled a full beer on me,” he gazed down at you apologetically, before sharpening his eyes and glaring at Yoongi, making you want to shrink and hide. “Don’t you have somewhere else to be?”

    “Me?” Yoongi asked, bewildered. “No? Why would I?”

    It was silent for a second as Taehyung glowered at him. “Well, whatever. You’re not allowed to hang out with Y/N today. So sorry. Go hang out with that chick from the other night.”

    Yoongi’s head cocked to the side, “Who?”

    “You know who!” Taehyung exclaimed, drunkenly pushing a finger into his friends chest. Yoongi glanced at you for help, but all you could do was stare down at the ground mortified. In any other situation, you probably would’ve keeled over laughing at Taehyung’s grandpa act. Now? Not so much. I’m going to kill him. “The one Jimin wanted to know about this morning. Go hang with her, Y/N is mine tonight.”

    “Taehyung!” Smacked him in the chest at his suggestive words. “Can you not say it like that?!”

    Taehyungs bottom lip jutted out, pouting while Yoongi started to put pieces together. “Wait, you mean that one?”

    He pointed at the girl Jimin was with.

    “Yeah! Jimin wouldn’t shut up about her all morning, saying how hot she was and that he had to ask you for her number and blah, blah, blah.” With each new word that Taehyung spat out, the more you wished you could just run away, praying that Yoongi wouldn’t connect the dots.

    “Tae, where is Luna?” You asked, trying to make an escape route before it went any further.

    “I left her on the porch because I saw you and Yoongi through the window. Why?”

    “Is that why you avoided me today?” It was like someone dumped ice on you, your jaw clenching and your eyes catching Yoongi’s, realization shining in their depths.

    “Of course it’s not,” Taehyung replied, inadvertently outing you. “Idiot--”

    “Taehyung!” The sound of Lunas garbled speech rang in your ears. Turning to the sound of her voice, she stumbled toward your group, bumping into almost every person.

    “Oh, Christ.” You muttered.

    “I forgot to say,” Taehyung murmured beside you, “She’s kinda really drunk.”

    “No shit.” You replied, catching Lunas arm as she neared you and dragging her toward you.

    “Y/N!” She grinned while swaying in your grasp, untroubled by her own level of intoxication. Yawning once, she rubbed her eyes and slurred, “What time is it?”

    “It’s late,” You lied; it was only 1 am. “Wanna go?”

    She nodded while Taehyung let go of you to swing her arm over his shoulder for support, his hand gripping her waist tightly to keep her steady. “I’ll take her outside.”

    “Okay,” you replied, moving her hair out of her face and resisting the overwhelming urge to take a picture as her head lolled back. “I’ll find Haerin, but don’t leave without me, okay?”

    Taehyung nodded, his own drunken stupor seeming to have worn off a bit due to the situation. Surging forward, you watched as Taehyung did his best to usher her toward the door. Luna wasn’t a big help though, stopping every few seconds to talk to someone and telling Taehyung to slow down. Yoongi's hand encasing your wrist diverted your attention away.

    Oh yeah, the conversation you’d been having, or rather he and Taehyung had been having, coming back to mind, that. Dread consumed you, glancing at him unwillingly. He jutted his chin toward the staircase. “Come with me for a minute.”

    He didn't seem to notice the reluctance in your voice when you responded, “Okay.”

    Tugging, he lead you through the crowd, cutting a path for you as he weaved. Most people parted for him on the staircase as he guided you up, glancing back to make sure you were okay every few seconds. However, a few grumbled in annoyance when he bumped shoulders with them or interrupted a couple from more intimate activities. As always, he paid no mind to other people's opinions and simply put on his icy stance that he used with most anyone who was a stranger. Not rude, but more apathetic. Reaching the top, he took you down the hallway. He didn’t stop at the first few doors, but instead waited until you neared the back of the large house to start jiggling handles and peeking inside rooms for occupants. Once he found an empty one, he pulled you inside, closing the door and latching the lock.

    Letting go of your wrist, you smoothed the palms of your hands on your skirt. Much to your own dismay, he still made you giddy, something each guy downstairs had failed to do. You found yourself tracking his movements and studying them so closely that your resolution that he was just some guy you wanted to fool around with wavered. Clasping your digits together in front of you, you tried to slow your pounding heart, hoping Yoongi wouldn't notice how tense you were. The room was quiet, only the muffled sounds of the party filling the silence.

    “I never took you as the jealous type.” A vivid shade of red dusted your cheeks at his words.

    “I’m not.” You replied, refusing to let yourself slip and put yourself in a vulnerable position.

    Yoongi stepped toward you, gently reaching out to tuck away a stray strand of hair behind your ear before shoving his hands in his pockets. Locking eyes, you struggled to tell what he was thinking, which you assumed was something about you completely and utterly embarrassing yourself in front of him multiple times. “So, that’s not why you left the table this morning a half hour before class started?”

    “I told you I forgot my notebook.” It was apparent that your excuse wasn’t going to appease him this time around by the tired look he gave you. Sighing, you crossed your arms and admitted a portion of the truth, “I also didn’t want to hear about your new notch. Satisfied?”

    “A little.” He shrugged, a small triumphant grin adorning his lips. “Although, you probably should’ve stuck around.”

    “What do you mean?” You replied, a little annoyed by how cryptic he was being, wishing that he would just be blunt like he usually was.

    “If you’d stayed, you’d know that I never slept with her.” He explained. “Namjoon did.”

    “Oh,” was all you could say, though a heavy sense of relief that you didn’t quite understand made you feel warm. Before you knew it, a smile crept up on your lips. You tried to quell it at soon as you’d noticed by biting the inside of your cheek.

    “Satisfied?” He repeated after you.

    Peering at him sheepishly through your lashes, you nodded. You did your best not to quake from the way he glanced down at you, a little smug. The wall you usually encountered was no longer present, like he was choosing to allow you even the smallest access. The unabashed lust in his irises set you at ease, knowing he felt even a fraction of the attraction that you did. Distantly, you pondered whether this was all apart of his deck of cards, though you couldn’t really bring yourself to care. If it was, it was a damn good card and you weren't a sore loser. At least, not right now. Feeling foolhardy from your previous actions, you couldn’t help but spill the truth now, if anything just to explain why you’d acted so rash, “you know, I’m usually not like this.”

    “Like what?” He said lowly as you unfolded your arms and reached out to grab hold of the edges of his plaid shirt.

    “This shaken up by someone,” feeling a little more calm now from talking about how you were feeling as you fiddled with the fabric, you steeled yourself and took the first step as you edged him closer. “There’s something about you that makes me so annoyingly interested in you. Usually, I’m much more of a casual person about this stuff and not quite so--”

    “Jealous?” He smirked.

    “No, I don’t like that word.” You scrunched your nose, bodies just about touching while Yoongi let you drag him in, hands still in his pockets. “More like… eager.”

    “That’s too bad.” He rasped.

    “Why is that?” His hand slid out of his right pocket to toy with the band of your skirt.

    “I liked watching you act like you didn’t care.”

    “Why? You like it when girls act cold to you?” You teased.

    “No,” he grinned devilishly, making your core tighten. “It just means I can have more fun with you.”

    Your breathing was heavy with need, as he hooked a surprisingly cold finger into the band he’d been playing with and coaxed you forward to close whatever remained of the gap between you. Lips pillowed yours in a short kiss before coming back for more. His hand slowly creeping to your back, one finger still underneath the fabric of your skirt. Pecks became fervent, gradually getting longer and longer in duration. Frustration started to build up as he moved away whenever you thought you were going to get more. Eventually, you couldn’t stand it anymore, reaching up and grasping the collar of his shirt with one hand while the other encased the side of his neck, wrenching him down to you. The rumble of a laugh tickled your lips as he slid out his other hand from his pocket and let it join the other. Electricity seemed to dance through your body, lighting you up with pleasure when his tongue finally swiped along your bottom lip. You were quick to grant him access as a hand slid lower on your body to caress the top of your butt cheek. Keening when his tongue met yours in a play for power, you wound your digits into his hair. Soft strands fluttered against your skin. The hand on your ass inched lower, squeezing hard in time with the motions of your mouths and pressing you against his groin. Fingers tightened their hold on his hair in response, making him grunt. He was mistaken if he thought you were one to be obedient.

    Sliding your hands down to his chest, you maintained the kiss as you backed him toward the bed. When his knees knocked yours, you broke away from him, a smirk on your face as you pushed him backwards onto the mattress. Leering at you slyly, he waited patiently for you to crawl on top of him, kissing his body over the fabric of his shirt on your way up to his lips. Settling down on his lap, you felt yourself clench when his hard-on pressed against your center. Lips touched his once before kissing down into his neck. You quickly gathered that Yoongi wasn’t a very vocal partner, which honestly you could have deduced just from the way he is in everyday life. Sucking on the skin under his jaw, you knew you found his sweet spot when he clenched his jaw, suppressing a moan. Smiling to yourself, you increased your pressure, forcing the blood toward the surface of his skin to create a nice plum blemish on his porcelain skin tone. Slowly, you began to rock yourself back and forth over his jeans, your underwear bunching and rubbing against your core. Hearing his breathing growing laboured, you sped up, grinding down harder on him. His head tilted to the side, giving you more space to work with, moving to create another mark that would show that he was yours, if only for tonight. Hands stroked your bare thighs as you shimmied a hand under his shirt, climbing higher up your legs before delving to your backside. With every motion you made, you felt his torso clench with pleasure, resisting the urge to rut up into you. Flipping up your skirt, his hands clutched your flesh so hard that you were sure he’d leave behind marks of his own. Helping your motions, you mewled into his neck after a particularly harsh squeeze, to which his shaft twitched. Your fingers traced down his abdomen to the waist of his jeans. Just as you freed the button from its confines, the jingle of your phone sounded from your jacket pocket.

    Stilling above him, you swore. Letting your weight rest in his lap, you rooted around in your pocket for the device, grimacing when you saw Haerin’s name on the screen. Accepting the call, you muttered a curt, “Hello?”

    “Hey, where are you?” The skin of your lips was pinched by your teeth as Yoongi drew shapes on your inner thigh.

    “I’m, um,” you had to pause to keep yourself from moaning when Yoongi wriggled below you, a dark look daring you to continue. Clearing your throat you placed a hand on his chest, digging your nails in to the fabric as a warning, though he merely smirked and continued drawing on your legs. “I’m upstairs. Why?”

    “Oh, fuck, are you with a guy?” Haerin asked, to which you simply hummed in confirmation. Yoongi suddenly sat up, his lips brushing over your collar bones making your thoughts fuzzy as you tired your best to focus on your conversation with Haerin. “I’m sorry Y/N, I’d handle it by myself but I can’t take care of both Tae and Luna.”

    A faint sense of worry invaded your bubble of pleasure, one of Yoongi's hands pressing you closer to him by the small of your back. “What happened? They were fine when I saw them.”

    “They passed out on the lawn.”

    Yoongi paused his ministrations, hearing Haerin’s words too. Heaving a sigh, you placed a hand on his shoulder and lifted yourself off of him to stand. “Alright, i’ll be down in a sec.”

    Ending the call, you fixed your skirt and hair while Yoongi buttoned his pants. “Sorry.”

    “Don’t be.” Yoongi reassured you, smoothing his collar and rubbing your lipstick off his neck. “I’ll take Taehyung home.”

“Thanks.” You giggled when you saw the traces of your lips staining his own. Licking your thumb, you gently rubbed the color away, teasing, “that’s a nice color on you.”

    “You think?” He raised an eyebrow, catching your hand and swooping in to kiss you, replacing the color you wiped away. “I’d better keep it on then.”

    You laughed and turned to the door, Yoongi’s fingers lacing together with yours. Each of you exited the room, faces still a little flushed while adorning grins. Yoongi stroked his thumb against yours, keeping you close as people glanced at you two and proceeded to whisper. You didn’t care though, still a little drunk off Yoongi's touch. Reaching the staircase, Yoongi speculated, “So how much you wanna bet that he threw up?”

    “Oh, I don’t need to bet on that.”

[chi-----chi]

This is a post to no one bc idrk if anyone i used to talk to on tumblr or like anyone who follows me is still around but i just wanna share some shit bc this is my blog and i can🤷🏽‍♀️

I joined tumblr when i was like... 13 i think? It wasnt the first online thing i was super involved in. Before that I was on fanpop lol. Anyway, i really got into it bc it was a bunch of people involved in ‘geeky’ stuff and that wasnt normal in my small town. It made me feel really accepted and it was cool. I even made some cool friends (not a lot bc i feared talking to strangers lol) but it kinda fucked me up too?

Now im sure people have noticed and i really dont know if this is the case still cause i rlly only follow meme blogs but there eas a desire on this site to just be miserable during the first 3 years i was on here. Everybody wanted to be sad or offended by legitimately everything. It was fucked up but as a young kid (who had no business on this site honestly) this really influenced me. I felt that in order to fit in or just onderstand i kinda needed to be miserable?? I got myself into these deep depressed states and these awful mindsets because thats how the internet said i should be. I became withdrawn and I really think this mindset is really what triggered my social anxiety. (I kinda figured id get normal anxiety cause of genes but not social oof)

At first i had it in my head that i wasnt gonna talk to people bc i live in a small town and theyre ignorant and racist (my town is mostly half breeds and mexicans and i was an asshole). I kinda got this god complex??? Like somehow i was better bc i read a few posts on tumblr about new age issues. This hate kinda grew into fear tho. Like over the years instead of wondering what was wrong with people i started to wonder what was wrong with me? I started to fear anyone i saw laughing or even talking near me bc i assumed it was about me. I wouldnt talk to my friends if they were at a table with strangers bc i feared i would annoy them or they would dislike me. I sat alone during morning break my 9th grade year because i didnt want to disturb my friends at a table with like 2 strangers. I started thinking my friends hated me and even my family and... god i was alone and i didnt feel like this was right anymore?? Like at first i liked relating to all the edgy textposts and memes about hating others and being alone but it got to real.

I started getting breathing pains in 9th grade where i wouldnt be able to breath all the way in and i couldnt get enough air but ot faded. I got kinda good at talking to people again bit i was still scared. I would sit alone in most classes cause none of my friends had the same classes as me but that was cool because my safe haven was band first period and lunch and those two periods just really got me to kinda open up. I ended up becoming a section leader for band and thats a lotta strangers i gotta be in charge of but it was ok until my junior year. I started having the breathing pains again but it was different. I really couldnt get any air and it made me wanna faint. I ended up leaving in the middle of morning rehearsals one day and me and my mom went to the clinic. The dr examined my breathing and what not and determined that I had been having mini panic attacks. We finally got me started on some meds even tho my mom and dad werent sure but god they changed my life.

The rest of my junior year went well and me and my parents noticed a change right awwy. My fears feom before were just like poofed away. My senior year tho was the changer. I did so mich sit and had so much fun. I could just talk to people??? I could go up to someone and just talk to them??? I could call my own appointments or other lines. It was so new but at the same time i didnt even realise i was changing. I stopped getting on tumblr bc it was just bumming me out. I had this new perspective on life and god i was just so sick of being miserable and hating myself.

I love being me now. I love that i can talk and meet new people and go to new places withought fear. I feel so grounded and free to be me. Im not worried about impressing others or caring about if certain people will care what i posted or whatever. I was done worrying and hating and i was ready to be in the moment and be me for once in my life. I was finally feeling confident.

Im in college now and im happy. Im not afraid to stand up for myself anymore and im willing to ask questions in class. I can sit alone in my room for a day without me thinking im alone cause im hated. And i can get on tumblr again and look at funny poctures and reminisce in my old days of a fandom blogger and what not. It wasnt all bad, i made some really great friends and i may not talk to them but I remember them and I remember feeling acceptance from them which ment a lot to me back then. I also got just really informed on what was happening in the world and the issues within peoples lives and thats part of the reason i became and family and child sciences major.

Im happy about the person ive become and im ready for what else is to come. Thanks