#<- WE'RE SO TIRED OF USING THIS TAG. WE FEEL SO NEGATIVE ALL THE TIME WE KEEP BRINGING PEOPLE DOWN

[silent-sentinels]

oh. oh.. oh immmm so tired ofbeing angry. oh im sooooooo tiredd o fbeing angry oh my god oh my god

[lurking-latinist]

.

[zegrasdrysdale]

Hi! I wanted to ask if you could write a request for cole caufield! So him and reader are like newly public but have been dating for a couple months, but she’s getting hate on the internet bc her ex is someone who’s famous (idk who lol) but anyways she goes onto like a podcast and talks about how much better of a boyfriend cole was to her than her ex and when she gets home he’s just so in awe of her and the way she feels and speaks about him (I’m so sorry if this didn’t make sense) 😭

[ to love and to be loved ] c. caufield

paring : Cole Caufield x influencer!fem!reader

summary : tired of the hate she's been getting, (Y/N) goes on a podcast to talk about her life, her past relationship, and her new public relationship with Canadians star Cole Caufield

warning(s) : language, mentions of cheating

author’s note : my first time ever writing for cole so pls tell me if i did okay :)

༺═──────────────═༻

She didn't know what she thought would happen when she and Cole went public with their relationship a few months after they started dating. There were a few hours where all she saw was support, until her TikToker ex decided to say something about the announcement she and Cole made.

All she sees right now is hate from thousands of people after her ex's comments on his Instagram story. He called her a bitch and said she used him to gain fame and use his money to get what she wanted. He even tagged Cole in a second Instagram story to warn him about her "manipulative ways". His millions of fans agreed with him and have started to flood her feed with hate and negative messages.

She can't even imagine what Cole's comments and DMs look like.

It's been a week since that day, and she's only grown tired of seeing all the hate. She's hasn't spoken out about her ex's accusations about her despite her having more serious accusations about him and his own girlfriend.

As soon as she was invited to go on one of her friends' podcasts, she jumped at the opportunity to speak out about what's been going on. It's time to speak out, and that's the reason her friend invited her on to the podcast.

The set is comfortable. She sits on the couch next to her friend and her friend's podcast partner. A microphone sits in front of her on a stand. A table sits at her feet that holds cups of coffee for the three of them. It's a cozy set up.

"Thank you for inviting me," (Y/N) says to her friend. "I'm sorry Cole wasn't available to come on with me. He flew in this morning from his road trip and has practice today. He didn't want to risk being late to the rink."

Her friend Demi says, "It's not a problem. I understand that he has a busy schedule. Thank you for agreeing to come on."

"It's time I spoke up about this," she tells her friend. "Don't be afraid to ask the hard questions. I'll happily answer any of them."

One of the crew members tells them they're going live in less than a minute. (Y/N) throws her curls behind her shoulder and sits back to get comfortable on the couch.

The same crew member counts down from five before pointing at Demi and her podcast partner. Demi is the one that gives this episode's greeting.

"Welcome back to TikTok Stuff You Should Know," she says into her own microphone. "To my left is Payton, which is not surprising at all because she's glued to my side. Today we have a very special guest joining us. She is a very close friend of mine who has been dealing with a lot of hate recently after launching her relationship online last week. Please welcome (Y/N) (L/N) to the podcast."

Payton looks over at (Y/N) and speaks. "Welcome, (Y/N). We're very happy you're able to join us today."

"Happy to be here."

Demi smiles at her and says, "So, we're all dying to know. How is your relationship with Cole Caufield? How have the two of you been dealing with the past week?"

There it is. Starting out strong.

"Cole has been super supportive of me," she replies. "He's been doing his best in trying to distract me over the past week. I think we've both been trying to stay off social media this week and focus on making sure we're both okay. He's been playing really well recently too, which makes it very easy to distract myself from everything that's been happening on social media. I think he's been using hockey as his own distraction."

Payton nods along as (Y/N) speaks. Demi's eyes are on her. They're both listening to everything she's been saying.

That's only a fraction of what's been happening.

(Y/N) has been in tears almost every night, especially since Cole has been on a roadie for the past four days. The first three days after all hell broke loose were perfect. She laid in Cole's arms every night and woke up next to him every morning. It made the days a lot easier.

Since he left, she's been in tears on FaceTime with him. It hasn't been as easy without him near her. It actually kind of sucks. She didn't even get to see him before she left.

"What made you want to come out about your seemingly new relationship with him?" Payton asks. "Did you think that Ethan would say something about it when you and Cole posted about it?"

She shakes her head. "I always thought Ethan was a really nice guy," she explains. "I certainly didn't expect this out of him. Especially after everything he did throughout our relationship. Cole and I really love each other and we both got tired of hiding that from the public. It was his idea to make out "

"That's an interesting comment," Demi slowly says like she doesn't know what her ex did. "What did Ethan do during your relationship?"

(Y/N) bites her bottom lip for a second. "He cheated on me," she tells the two of them. "All the time at the end of our relationship. Actually, his new girlfriend is just one of the girls he fucked while we were in a relationship. He would have a new girl every weekend and I would look the other way because I loved him."

"It wasn't because you didn't want to lose your constant source of followers and money?" Payton asks. "I'm not taking a shot, by the way. He accused you of using him for fame and money so I just want you to be able to clear the air."

"No, I understand," she replies after being caught off guard by the way the question was worded. "Um, no. I never once used him for followers or money. I made my own money by posting my own content across social media. I stayed with him because I wanted to believe he was a better person and that he could change. I truly loved him and I wanted a future with him. After nearly three months of this, I couldn't do it anymore and I ended things with him."

She notes that Payton looks genuinely surprised by her words. Demi looks annoyed because she and (Y/N) are actually very close friends so she was one of the first people that she told what was going on. She was one of the people that told (Y/N) to end the relationship when Ethan started cheating on her.

"That's crazy," Payton drawls. "Holy shit." She looks over at Demi. "Did you know about all of this?"

"(Y/N) is one of the most genuine people I have ever known," Demi says. "I hated seeing her in that relationship at the end, and I hate that she's being accused of using someone for followers and money. There was a reason she rarely ever posted Ethan on any of her social media. She didn't want to constantly post him because she was afraid to be labeled as a user. She loves creating content and videos. She's so much happier now."

A small smile forms on her lips as she thinks about Cole. She thinks about how he actually loves her and isn't afraid to show it.

"I am so much happier now," she echoes. "I mean, Cole is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He was so patient with me at the beginning of our relationship because I was still healing from my last relationship. He spent so long trying to show me that it's okay to love and be loved by someone that I gave my heart to him. I trust him with my everything, which is not something I would've said this time last year."

Demi smiles at her and Payton mirrors it. "That's so good to hear," Payton says. "Sounds like you caught a good one, (Y/N)."

"I absolutely did," she replies with a smile on her own face. "He is the best boyfriend. I've been so emotional this past week and he has made sure to be there for me the entire time. He checked in on me while he was on the road for the past few games. I am so in love with him, and he helped me believe in love again. I am so grateful for him."

One of the crew members tells them to begin wrapping up. Payton takes over. "Well, thank you for talking with us, (Y/N)," she says. "Where can we find you and Cole?"

"You can find Cole on the ice tomorrow night at seven when he and the Canadians take on the Calgary Flames," she says. "You can find him on social media at colecaufield. You can find me on social media as well at yourusername. Or you can find me somewhere in the stands at Cole's home hockey games."

༺═──────────────═༻

It feels like an eternity since she's been home when she walks into her apartment in downtown Montreal. She shuts the door behind her with a sigh and leans against it.

When she throws her keys in the bowl by the door, she sees Cole's car keys. "Coley?" she calls. "Are you here?"

She walks into the living room to see Cole sitting on the couch. He looks back at her and smiles. "You are freaking amazing, baby," he tells her. "I listened to the podcast on the way home and holy shit. I have never heard anyone talk about me the way you do. I swear I fall in love with you more every single day."

"You listened?" she asks.

Cole stands up with a nod. "To the whole thing," he replies. "I helped you believe in love again?"

"Yeah," (Y/N) breathes out. "You did. You showed me that it's okay to love someone without being afraid they're going to hurt you. I thought that for a long time, Cole. You helped me realize that it's okay to love someone again."

Without realizing it, tears begin to roll down her cheeks. She tries to wipe them away quickly but Cole notices them before she can wipe them away. He walks around the couch to get to her and he envelopes him in a hug. "I'm so proud of you, baby," he whispers in her ear.

She lets out a quiet sob and buries her face in his chest. "I'm so grateful for you," she replies.

"You're so brave for talking about the whole situation," Cole tells her. "I can't believe how well you're handling it. I'm in awe, (Y/N). I wish I had your strength. I wish I could've been there to witness the whole podcast."

"I'm only brave because you're here," she admits as she pulls her face out of his chest. Cole moves his hands to her jaw and his thumbs wipe away more tears that escaped. "I don't know where I'd be if you weren't here. I don't know if I'd even be here if you weren't, Cole."

Cole presses a kiss to her forehead and mumbles, "I love you. More than you'll ever know. You're so strong."

She closes her eyes and whispers, "I love you too."

(Y/N) isn't afraid to say those three words anymore. Not like she was last year. Cole has showed her that she doesn't need to be afraid anymore.

༺═──────────────═༻

MASTERLIST

have a request ? check out the guidelines !

[sports-on-sundays]

hold you while you sleep / CL16 / Part 3

Summary: dad!Charles x French!reader - Now it's time to see how much louder Charles's actions speak louder than his words.

Warnings: 'Y/s/n' means 'your son's name,' you are free to imagine the son as whatever age he acts because I leave that unspecified, crying, kissing, implied sexual actions (seriously it's like two extremely vague small paragraphs), nervousness, censored curse, random name chosen for sister

Requested?: No.

Author's Note: @milenag2008 asked me to tag them, so thank you, and I hope you especially enjoy! Same song as inspiration. Link to part 1 / Link to part 2

Even though you've been trying to go on dates with Charles now for over a month, every single time you sit across the table from him, both your hands folded on the table, you can't shake the thought of how much it looks like you're about to sit down and have a very serious business interview.

But Charles always gets too antsy, takes your hand, and starts rubbing it anxiously, until one of you starts talking.

And this time, it's you who decides to speak.

"I feel like we're two high school students dating, by the way we're carrying on like this," you say with a sigh.

His thumb gently kneads the back of your hand. "It just takes a few minutes for us to loosen up. It's okay."

"I feel like we went full circle."

He looks up, meeting your eyes. "Yeah?"

"We started out dating just like this. All nervous and awkward, until we both leaned into it and loosened up. And then... we got married, and it all happened."

"This time around, I'm going to do it right."

You nod, staring at your hands, eyes glazed over. "I think Y/s/n likes it."

"I know he likes it."

You nod again, gently entwining your fingers with his nervous ones. There's some silence, before you mutter, "You've been doing good, Charles."

He looks up. "I want to be perfect for you."

"Nobody is perfect, but you've been acting pretty damn close to it. But it's just the beginning."

He sighs, nodding. He doesn't like the negative connotation you seem to end every exchange like this with, and you both know it, but you don't intend to stop until he's really proven himself.

You don't know what that means, but...

Yeah.

You figure you'll know when you know.

"Want to come sit next to me?" Charles asks.

"That's awkward," you immediately say.

He frowns.

You stand up and walk around to sit next to him. His arm immediately pulls you into him, and he whispers, "Just want cuddles."

You smile a little as he strokes your hair.

He's so soft with you. He never pushes anything.

You sigh, and you don't know if it's a content one or not.

After another month, Charles has been hanging around a lot more at your house, and Y/s/n is loving it.

Today, as you sit at the table, playing Sorry! with Y/s/n as Charles straightens up a bit (only because he offered to, seeing how hard you were trying to balance giving your son attention and getting the cleaning done), Y/s/n suddenly says with a giggle as Charles dusts a shelf in that room, "I'm so happy Daddy is here, Mama."

You smile softly, ruffling his hair a bit. "Yeah. Daddy makes good company, huh?"

He grins, seeming to love those words coming from your lips. "Yeah! Come on, Daddy! Can Daddy play with us?"

Charles smiles and says, "I'm cleaning for your mama right now, buddy."

He frowns, pouting. "Daddy..."

He smiles and says gently, "I'll tell you a secret, Y/s/n."

You watch with an eyebrow cocked up as, of course, the young boy leans in closer to listen to his dad, who says softly, "Usually, Mama cleans, but sometimes, she gets tired. Sometimes, Mama needs to be taken care of, too."

You smile a little, perplexed, as Charles says this.

Your little son's eyes widen. "Really?"

"Yeah, really," Charles smiles, standing up straighter again to gently set his hand on your shoulder. "Your mama loves you, and it's important for you two to play together. So that's why I'm cleaning up for her."

"Daddy?" Y/s/n begins. "Do you ever have to be taken care of?"

Charles blinks at this question, and begins, "Oh, well, I usually can just take care of mys-"

Suddenly you interrupt, though, "No, Y/s/n. I think Daddy's a little confused." You grab his arm and pull him down to your seated level, saying softer, more to Charles himself than actually to your son, "Because even Daddy needs to be taken care of, sometimes, too."

You look at your blushing partner with a little smile, and gently give him a kiss on the cheek.

Often, date nights are when you lock up, and memories that make you uncomfortable to do anything come flooding back. But just spending time, doing the most mundane things- that's when your affection just seeps out.

And Charles seems to love it.

Later that night, after you and Charles put Y/s/n to bed together, you softly singing and Charles reading a story, you sit on the couch together. You were originally about to watch a show together, but that idea was soon lost when tactile Charles pulled you into his arms, letting you lean your head in his lap, and began stroking your hair.

After a while, though, you murmur, "It's probably so late. You need to be getting back to your house."

You look up at him to see him frown. "Can't I just stay here?" he asks, pulling you closer, like a teddy bear.

"For the night?"

He nods.

You swallow. That would be a step.

But all of this has been going to fast. Both of you were trying to take it slow and easy, but perhaps since years ago, you had a relationship like this, it's easy to head through it fast.

For instance, right now, you nod. "Okay. You can stay for the night."

He nods, and you sit up a bit.

He just pulls you onto his lap, earning a little mindless giggle from yourself. "You've always been so clingy and snuggly."

"You don't mind that, do you?"

You shake your head. "Out of all the things you could mess up with, you holding me close is the least of my worries."

He sighs. There's your negativity again.

"What you said earlier- about taking care of me, too. I liked that," he says, changing the conversation topic.

"Yeah, I'm sure you did, Daddy," you chuckle softly.

His nose scrunches up, but he blushes. "Don't say that..."

"Why do you blush, then?"

He groans, laughing a bit, leaning back his head.

And you're surprised to hear your lips utter, "You're good. You're a good Daddy."

"You think?" he says, his eyebrows shooting up.

"Well, you sure take care of Y/s/n well. You two are so sweet. He just adores you."

"Funny enough, I think the same thing about you and him when I watch you together."

You chuckle, "Do you?"

"Yeah," he grins. "And you know it's the best when it's all three of us."

You nod slowly, leaning your head into his chest. "Yeah. I think you're right about that."

You wake up to the shrill screaming of your son: "Mama! Daddy!" And suddenly, a little boy jumps on you.

"Huh-?" you blink groggily to see your son, sitting on your stomach, grinning.

He looks overjoyed.

"Hey- hey, love, what's up?"

He grins. "You and Daddy are cuddling! Does that mean Daddy doesn't miss you anymore?!"

"Hmmm...?" Charles puts in, his eyes fluttering open at the over-energetic boy's screaming in excitement.

But just those words from him seem to wrench your heart out, and in that moment, it hits you.

Charles can't mess this up, because it's not only about me, now. It would also break this little boy's heart.

You swallow. Sure enough, you fell asleep practically on top Charles, who has his arms wrapped around your body.

"Daddy? Are you happy now?"

He smiles sleepily, and you have to admit, it's adorable. "Yeah, I'm happy. You want to know why?"

"Why?" he asks, bouncing on your stomach a bit, which makes you go 'oof.'

"Hey, hey," Charles chuckles. "Don't hurt Mama!"

He stops, but asks again, "Why?"

"Because I've got your lovely mama sleeping here in my arms," he says softly near your ear, before kissing your cheek.

You constantly wonder if he's trying to charm you, or if he just is that charming.

"Yeah, Mama!" the energetic boy wholehearted agrees innocently. "You are lovely."

You chuckle a little, picking up the little boy and slipping out of Charles's lap, "Thank you. You're very handsome. Now, let's go get you dressed and ready for school."

Charles, whenever he's not racing, seems to make it to your house.

He's gone for a while, though, and after it being about four months, since you accepted to date him again, your head is spinning.

So after Y/s/n is in bed, and he reaches you from behind and wraps his arms around your waist, instead of leaning into it, you murmur, "Can you... not, right now?"

He immediately takes his hands away. "What's wrong?"

You shrug, going to plop down on the couch. "I'm just kind of... nervous."

His eyebrows crease together. "Why?"

You swallow. "Just thinking about us."

He frowns at this. "What about us?"

"Sometimes, I just get nervous. Uncomfortable with being held... Memories flood back... and I just don't feel very good."

He looks nervous himself now. "Baby," he says softly. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

"It's... okay. I honestly think I do believe you're better now."

This seems to reassure him a bit, but he murmurs, "I wish you never had to hurt again."

You sigh. "Everyone wishes that, Charles. No point spending time on something that is impossible."

He nods slowly. "But I just want us to be as comfortable as possible, together. As a family."

"I know," you sigh.

Suddenly you sigh, and flop your head into his lap. "I just want to feel safe! Secure! I want to trust... I don't want to remember what you did..."

He nods slowly, whispering, "I wish I could erase all of that."

"Me, too," you sniff a bit.

"Lovely, don't cry," he breathes, automatically wiping at your cheek as a tear falls down it.

You swallow, but tears keep coming. You're not even sure why.

Maybe there's just a lot left to work though.

Strangely enough, you and your son go to your first race together.

Years ago, you used to go to Charles's races, and you know Charles has set up to bring Y/s/n a few times, having other people take care of him.

But you two go together, to watch Charles.

It doesn't seem like it would be, but because it's such a huge part of his life, it's important to Charles. Really important. And important to your relationship, too.

Well, at five months of dating, you finally take it to the next level of intimacy with him. Let yourself trust him enough. And once his tongue is intertwined with yours, it's hard not to melt into him and let him have control- let him go as far as he wants.

And God, you forgot how good that feels.

Of course, he doesn't do anything, or take any step, without making sure it's okay with you first.

Charles, as you realize after, as he tenderly holds you and lavishes you with affection, can have his way with you, if he so desires.

You're not sure if this fact makes you excited or terrified.

Perhaps both.

And at six months of this, you have your first argument, merely days after Charles presented you with a lovely dinner at an expensive restaurant for your half-year anniversary.

You didn't even know that was a thing, let alone that Charles was going to celebrate it.

But he seems to celebrate just by the fact that all of this is actually happening.

Your head spins with you think about all this actually happening.

The argument starts when Charles flat out comes out saying, as you drive to one of Y/s/n school events, "On Saturday, we're going out on the boat."

"Who?" you ask, looking up at him.

"You, me, Arthur, Lorenzo, Y/s/n."

"No, we're not," you say, your eyebrows knitting together.

He frowns. "Why not?"

"You can go do that, but you can't just make plans so suddenly like that and expect I'll be available."

"What have you got going on, then?" he frowns deeper.

"I promised one of Y/s/n's friends' moms that I would watch her kid," you grumble.

Charles makes an annoyed little sound, saying, "Why can't you take him out on the boat?"

"Don't be ridiculous! There's no way I'm taking someone else's kid to Monaco to go on a boat ride with my boyfriend and his brothers!"

"Couldn't you ask?"

"No!" you glare. "That's so impolite! There's no way I'm asking that."

"Please?" he groans. "Can you just say something came up?"

"Charles, it's your fault for scheduling something so suddenly. I'm sorry; I can't go. Maybe you can just take Y/s/n."

"But I told them you would be there!"

"Told who?"

"My brothers! They haven't seen you in so long- they're so glad to hear we're back together. Come onnn."

Your jaw clenches in annoyance as Charles pulls into the parking lot. "Why would you say I'm going to be there before you've even told me about it?"

"I don't know!" he groans. "I wasn't thinking!"

"Clearly," you snort ruefully as he parks. "You know, I think it's obnoxious of you. You can't think you can just make plans for our whole family whenever you want. That's just not fair. You're not in charge here; you need to check with me, first."

"Sorry! I didn't know!" he complains.

You scoff a little, unbuckling your seat belt, "You sound like Y/s/n when he's in trouble. Grow up a little. You should know."

It makes it easier, still having everything in your mind of what this same man did to you years ago, to get mad at him, for little things.

And in that sixth month, things like this start happening more and more.

You lay in bed, alone, since Charles wasn't able to come over, staring up at the ceiling.

You're nervous. What if this wasn't the right thing, after all? What if you're just going to break up again in the end, and this whole thing will be a waste that just leaves things even more in shambles than they already were to begin with?

Your head pounds, and you start to sweat a bit as you think about this, running your hand through your hair as your breathing quickens.

So when you hear a knock on the door, already in your slightly panicked state, it feels terrifying to get out of bed and pad towards the door, trying to be silent, as to not wake your son up. You stand up on your tip toes to peek through the peephole, and sigh in relief when you see it's just Charles.

You grab the doorknob with your clammy hand and twist it open, whispering, "Charles, why are you here?"

His hands gently meet your waist as he walks in and shuts the door behind himself. "I missed you. I knew I wouldn't get here until late, but I wanted to see you."

You nod slowly, taking this in, "Oh- Okay."

He looks concerned, though. "I thought you would still be awake. I'm sorry. It looks like I woke you up."

But you shake your head 'no.' "I was just laying awake in bed."

"Mind if I lay with you?"

You shake your head again, and you head to the bedroom. Once you're both safe under the covers, laying side by side, Charles says, "You seem troubled. Is something wrong?"

You sigh, thinking for a few seconds, before saying, "Just thinking about us."

He looks slightly nervous, but nods. "I have been, too."

Your eyes meet, both of your heads turned to face each other. "Oh, yeah?"

He nods. "We've been arguing more. About silly things, but I've seen a common theme in all our arguments."

You swallow. "What's that?"

He finds your hand under the blankets. "It usually all starts with me, not being thoughtful enough. I'm sorry. And ever since I've realized this, I've been trying to think of your good and Y/s/n's good more often, instead of mine, and what I want to do. It's all a process, but I just wanted to let you know where I'm at... because I think we've both learned from experience that communication is key. And I know the right thing isn't to let this end. Okay?"

You nod, squeezing his hand, a certain relief filling your whole being. "Yeah. That sounds good. I'll try to give you the benefit of the doubt more often, and remember you're trying your best, and nobody is perfect. Even," you give him a tired but playful little smirk, "if sometimes, you sure do seem f*cking perfect."

He chuckles and comments, "Coming from the most drop dead gorgeous woman I've ever laid my eyes upon."

You giggle a little, cuddling closer to him. He wraps his arms around you, and you murmur, "Will you just stay awake for a bit? Just talk to me. I want to hear your voice."

He smiles softly, plants a kiss on your forehead and begins whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

The last thing you remember him murmuring before you drift off is: "I'm so glad we can be here, right now. Together. You feel like my dream, coming true. But you've had a long day, and you've worked hard. So you can go to sleep now, baby, and let me hold you while you sleep."

And you do just that.

You lean back, lounging next to Charles, looking up at the beautifully painted sky. As the sun sinks, it looks like the horizon has been painted with all different bright strokes of a brush. It casts a golden light on everything, and reflects on the bright blue expanse of water, lighting up your world.

Charles has been talking of you moving to Monte Carlo with him. Moving back to Monaco.

And this day sure makes the idea tempting. Driving around with Charles in his luxury car, with the wind in your hair, to meet Y/s/n, Pascale, Lorenzo, Arthur, and your older sister, Rebecca, at the boat. Then swimming a bit in the water when the sun was still high. And once it started sinking lower, to sit out on the water, back in the boat eating your dinner with your loved ones surrounding you.

You had started with simply, raising your glass to the sky, "Cheers to the beautiful evening!"

Pascale had put in, "Cheers to our lovely family!"

"Cheers to to the yummy food!" Y/s/n had squealed, stumbling over his words a bit as he copied you two and stuck up his cup of apple juice.

"Cheers to Y/s/n being my favorite nephew!" Arthur had laughed playfully, ruffling the boy's hair.

"Your only nephew," you had teased with a grin.

"Cheers to the young at heart!" your sister, Rebecca, put in with a grin, looking out at the lovely sea.

"And cheers to a good life, hm?" Lorenzo had added with a glimmer in his eyes.

Just as everyone was about to clink glasses and drink to it, Charles put in, looking at you straight in your eyes and wrapping his arm around you, "And cheers to forever."

Cheers to the young at heart, a good life,

And forever.

No one sees it, but for some reason, with all the loving people around you, all the laughter and joking and joy, that brings a tear to your eye.

Because this is what I want. This is want I want.

Forever.

So now you shut your eyes against Charles, feeling the warm sun on your body. You listen to Charles's heartbeat. You listen to Arthur playing with and chasing around Y/s/n. You listen to Pascale in the kitchen, humming as she gets the sweet desert ready. You listen to your sister and Lorenzo, standing at the railing, talking softly as they look out at this beautiful world.

And it is a beautiful world, isn't it?

Your eyes flutter as your heart feels whole.

Isn't that just part of this romance?

Nine months of this, now, and you don't want it to ever stop. You don't want to ever let go of it.

And you feel Charles's warm breath on your ear as he gently whispers, "Forever, Y/n, right?"

You grin, nuzzling into him, wrapping your arms around him. "Right. Forever."

Author's Note: I was thinking of writing an epilogue to this originally, but after how this ended, I don't know, because I might want to just leave it hanging like that. But what do you think? Because if you guys want an epilogue, I'll write one.

[hermitcraftx]

I agree with your post about hermit fans in regard to things being very popular. I’ve seen more people being angry and annoyed about scarian in the last six months than people celebrating it. Not tagging shipping is shit but it’s better than harassing people. I don’t know what was put in the water but something changed drastically and I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s seen it.

IT'S FUCKING INSANE! This fandom used to be so positive and welcoming and overall way more pleasant than some... other MCYT fandoms, but now??? I can't log on without seeing untagged negative interpretations in the main tags, can't express an opinion without getting anons calling me heterosexual sympathizers and hoping that I die, everyone has turned their back on everything that used to make this fandom really... fun? Like, I don't tag ON MY BLOG, but usually I don't maintag my shipping posts, and if I do, I tag the ship name so people can filter it.... I don't maintag duo names. What the fuck happened to make everyone so- miserable. Anons are probably going to be permanently off for me, too many people comfortable with their opinions and not comfortable with mine and desperately needing to tell me that.

And like- look. I get not liking interpretations. Personally I'm not a fan of the Double Life cheating arc because of how abusive and out of character people made Grian be, and I had to avoid ao3 for a bit because of that and filter the fucking tags. Same thing with found family dynamics. Just because you don't like something doesn't make it "overrated and popular" and just because you don't like something doesn't make it immoral or unethical either!!! People have to make everything a moral standpoint nowadays and it's really exhausting-

But that's a tirade. All over all the confessions blogs there's "scarian is overrated" despite Grian having nearly 10mil subscribers and most of them being on YouTube and considering all the hermits friends or family truthing them. Yes, there is more shipping than before- that's because Hermitcraft season 8 made it very obvious that the people on the SMP and the people IRL are very different, and it's no longer considered RPF. None of the real hermits died via moon explosion, ZombieCleo often says she's doing "lore", they make different skins, even GRIAN acknowledges that he's acting and playing a part with the permit office. Despite all that, there's STILL wars on shipping and people insisting that we're shipping real people, I fought this war on the DSMP side of things and it's SO TIRING.

DND podcast listeners, do you ship the people playing the characters? NO!!!!! Unless you do, in which case, have fun with that. I don't really care about RPF and I filtered the tags for it a long time ago, so maybe they do do that.

Every other day I see "Third life is overrated" "Last life is overrated" (LAST LIFE IS OFTEN THE LEAST FAVORITE SEASON I SEE PEOPLE SAY!), "the life series is overrated" "the cactus ring is fucking stupid" "they left the desert but we didn't" "no, THIS interpretation of scarian is bad and wrong" and like... guys. Guys. Fandom is supposed to be fun. It is not supposed to be a full time job. It is not supposed to be moral or ethical and you shouldn't feel the need to police shit. Jesus Christ, every other month there's a new fad that tumblr users flock to and once it's over everyone goes "EWWW THAT WAS LAME AND OVERRATED AND I NEVER LIKED IT ANYWAY" like.... I promise you cannibalism as an allegory for love is not mainstream you are just on Tumblr.

Like Good God. If it's so bad here go to Twitter. I'm sick of all the complaining and misery and hatred and I miss when things were fun- people are so scared of being cliche that they don't want to write things that they enjoy. Where are the coffee shop aus???? Where are the fun silly things??? Where are the 100k grimdark fics with worldbuilding??? Wheres the 500k fics that aren't even about the same characters anymore but that we love just the same??? Where are the forums and people talking to each other in comments and meeting each other that way??? Where are the roleplay servers?????? What are you all doing??????

People are scared of being judged. They want to do what everyone else is doing. They don't want to be cringe or cliche and every day I see a "cringe culture is dead" post and then someone making fun of another part of fandom, an antithesis to their previous statement. They don't want to be late to things, either. Who cares if Last Life was a couple years ago? Draw the fanart anyway!

I'm scared. Maybe I'm just old, but every post I see I notice that I get maybe a 10th in reblogs of what I do in likes, and I don't even post my art or fics to this site. Every post is like that. More and more people only like posts and they die, unseen, by everyone. More and more people misuse archive of our own's functions, treating it like it has some algorithm, when it doesn't, and it never has and hopefully never will. I see fic reuploads to "gain traction" (not how it works) and people reaching out to find RP partners (breaking TOS) and all sorts of other shit on both sites and it fucking horrifies me. I'm not even that old- I'm eighteen, and I can already tell how fandom has changed for the worst for everyone. Fandom used to be a community. Not consumption.

It's just... sad. Old fandom had PLENTY of fucking problems, and we have problems here too, but at least the positives outweighed the negatives. It's so... mean here, now. Even the happy things are mean-spirited. People treat it as if certain people have invaded this fandom space, spreading horrible opinions and ruining it for everyone, but the truth is is that shipping is always going to be a thing. It's a foundation of fandom- fandom started with housewives in the 1950s writing Star Trek fanfiction. You can never get rid of shipping. You can just interact with what you want to interact with and leave others to mind their own business.

[crimson-calligraphyx]

Tag List: @cheyfi @kingdomof-omens @daylightlvrs @blade-in-red @jay02bo @itsmrsfuentes @cncohshit @catj422 @lma1986 @chels3a-smile @kiwi475 @cookiesupplier

"Can we name him Nicholas?" Noah asks before shoving another large bite of pasta in his mouth. I rolled my eyes at his lack of etiquette and shook my head lightly. "No, we're not naming him Nicholas." "Why not?" He pouts, whining. I chuckled at his childish behavior, pushing my food around with my fork, shrugging. "We already have two Nick's in our lives, it's just gonna get more confusing, don't you think?" He mulls it over for a second, then agrees with a defeated bob of his head. "How about Nicholas as his middle name?"

I watched his lips curl upwards as he chewed—I knew how badly he wanted to name him after his best friend, but I just knew the confusion that would ensue.

"I like that idea," he says with a smile after finishing his bite of food. "But what about his first name?" "We got time. It'll come to us," I grinned, shrugging lightly, and went back to pushing my food around leisurely. He agrees and lays his hand out on the table, palm up. I quirked an eyebrow at him and he nods towards his hand, silently asking me to place mine there.

I do just that, his large hand warm as it encases mine with a gentle squeeze. "You okay? You've just been pushing your food around, not eating it," Noah inquires, tilting his head slightly with worry on his face. "Oh, yeah," I sigh lightly. "Just tired," I grasp his hand lightly in return, hoping to reassure him.

Truth be told, I was anxious. He and the guys were set to leave in a week for the makeup shows, and even though he would only be gone for about two weeks, I was nervous as all Hell. What if something happens and I need to be rushed to the hospital? Or, god forbid, I get so stressed out that it leads me to have a drink?

I'd hate myself for that, and I'm sure he would, too.

"Hey," he shakes my hand a tad to gain my attention. I must've zoned out. "You'll be okay, Liv. It's only two weeks that I'll be away." I huffed out a saddened chuckle, averting my gaze to my plate. I'm telling you, this man had a sixth sense. "How can you be so sure?" I asked with a slight tremor in my voice, my emotions beginning to make their way out the longer I thought about it. "Because you're strong, Olivia." I scoffed and shook my head 'No'. "I mean it. You said yourself that the second you found out you were pregnant, you stopped drinking. That's not easy, and you know that. And we both know that you wouldn't do anything to hurt him."

I took a deep breath and nodded in agreement. Noah may be right about these things, but I still couldn't help the negativity from looming over me, and I didn't finish my lunch because of it. We decided to pack the rest of our food up to go home and relax; staring at it only made me feel nauseous, given the anxiety that was already running rampant within me.

He takes our bag of leftovers and stands, holding his hand out for me to take. I scoot out of the booth after taking his hand in mine and stand, his chivalry causing a light blush to coast across my cheeks as I smile at him, and he grins down at me.

Neither of us were paying attention as we started to walk out of the restaurant, and straight into another person. Noah apologized right away, and I began to follow suit until I locked eyes with a familiar pair of sharp green eyes.

They trail down my body, and I watched a smirk spread across his face once they landed on my belly. My breath gets caught in my throat, and I squeeze Noah's hand with apprehension. "Liv, what's wrong?" Noah asks quietly, and I can feel him looking at me with concern, but my eyes are still trained on Steven's.

"Well, isn't this a pleasant surprise?" Steven greets us with disdain, looking between me and Noah. "This is your husband, I presume?" I cleared my throat. "Yes, this is my husband." "Does husband have a name?" "Noah," he bites out an introduction before I'm able to tell Steven to fuck off, letting go of my hand to stick his out for a handshake. They exchanged what seemed to be a firm shake.

"I see you certainly didn't hop off the bandwagon, but instead on it," Steven jeers, motioning his head toward my belly. "Excuse me?" I jerked my head back at his rash observation, my eyebrows scrunching together as I scowled at him. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I can practically feel the anger radiating off of Noah, seeing his body tense when I glance over at him. I can see the muscle in his jaw tick as he grits his teeth, and I know he's biting his tongue.

Steven laughs dryly, waving his hand as if we were friends who hadn't seen each other in ages. "Oh, lighten up, Liv. I'm just trying to be funny. It appears you've made up, no?" "Alright, that's enough out of you," Noah snaps, taking my hand again. "It was great to meet you," he seethes, "but Liv and I were on our way home. Excuse us."

He smiles down at me, though I can still see the irritation hidden behind said smile, and gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. We step around Steven, beginning the short trek back to our house. "What a charmer you've got there, Liv," I hear him call after us. "You really think having a kid with him is gonna solve all your problems and miraculously fix your marriage?" he quips.

We both stop dead in our tracks, and I feel my heart sink from his words. Immediately, there's tears welling in my eyes, and I tried with every fiber of my being to hold them back. I know I shouldn't listen to what someone so insignificant has to say, but those words certainly cut deep knowing that our marriage was on the brink of collapsing only months ago.

This baby is our saving grace. Maybe Steven was right.

"Don't listen to him, Olivia," Noah all but whispers to me. He takes my face in his hands, swiping his thumbs under my eyes when the tears finally spilled over. "He doesn't know what he's talking about. Things aren't perfect, I know that, you know that, but we're fine. Everything's fine." I sucked in a choppy breath and nodded in his hands, gazing into his chocolate irises that were beginning to soften. "In sickness and in health, til death do us part. Remember that, Olivia."

I choked on a sob—that nearly happened. I had almost killed Noah.

"I'd be careful if I were you, Liv. He might put the music in front of not only you but even the baby. Unless that's what you want..." Steven taunts. "That motherfucker," Noah hisses under his breath. There's fire burning in his eyes, and he's gone within the blink of an eye. I turn around and he's towering over Steven, shoving him back.

My heart is in my throat and I'm frozen in place as I watched them yell at each other. The panic is settling in, I can't hear what they're saying. I think I'm shouting at him to knock it off, but I can't even hear myself; my heartbeat is too loud in my head.

Noah stumbles back briefly, covering his face with one hand, and within a second Steven is mirroring him, only on the ground. Noah had swung back, and this time I'm positive that I'm yelling at them to knock it off as I run over to the scene.

"Noah, stop!" I shriek and yank on his arm just as Steven stands, hindering the possibility of Noah swinging at him again. As much as he deserved it, I couldn't stand to watch them fight, and Christ was the baby kicking the shit out of me from my hysteria.

His arm was trembling with rage and adrenaline, and there's tears running down my face while I tried my best to hold him back. He shakes himself free of my grasp as Steven gets closer—I feel like I can't breathe when they meet again, Noah's fist tight around the front of Steven's shirt. I had no choice but to get in between them, pressing a hand to each of their chests.

"Please stop," I cried, looking up at the fierce expression on my husband's face. There's blood trickling from his nose, painting over his swollen lips. "I-I can't deal with this. Please, Noah." I feel his chest rising and falling against my palm as he pants, glancing down at me, and with a gruff breath, he tosses Steven away. "Get out of here," he growls and swipes his thumb under his nose, doubling back to clear his mouth of the blood. "I don't ever want to see your face again."

The air was thick as they glowered at each other. I didn't move; I had to make sure fists wouldn't fly again. After what feels like an eternity, Steven spits a bloody mess at our feet and stalks off, and I pray I never have to see him again.

"What were you thinking?" I turn towards Noah, fresh tears of aggravation stinging my eyes. "You could've been seriously hurt or arrested!" His face softens; his eyebrows are cinched and lifted, his lips turning down at the corners. He reaches out, cupping my face with his clean hand. I push his hand away, shaking my head at him incredulously. "That was the dumbest thing you've done in a long, long time, Noah."

I brush past him, headed back towards our home once again. I'm trying to keep my composure, but I'm so shaken up, so angry that he would be dumb enough to do something like that over a few choice words. Especially since he was the one who told me not to listen to what Steven had to say.

I barely make it up the street when Noah catches up to me, placing a hand on my shoulder gently. "Olivia," he says my name quietly. "I'm sorry, I couldn't let him say those things—" "But punching him wasn't the right thing to do, Noah!" I shouted and threw my arms out. "You know stress isn't good for him, right?" I remind him with a tight throat, trying not to cry while glancing down and running a hand over my belly. He sighs heavily, combing back the front of his hair with his clean hand. "I know, I'm sorry," he murmurs.

His eyes lower to my stomach, and seconds later his large hand is engulfing the side of my bump. A calming warmth radiates through my belly; I feel the baby kick, and Noah gasps shallowly, his eyes flashing to mine. I watched his lips curl at the corners, slowly spreading into a wide smile that reached his eyes, the crinkles I adored prominent.

"I haven't been able to feel him kick yet," he whispers. "I know," I sniffled. "This isn't exactly how I pictured this moment happening." I tried to laugh, but it came out as a choked-up sob instead. Within seconds, my heart sinks and I'm crying—I wanted a more intimate setting for this moment. "It's okay, love," he consoles me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and bringing me into a tight embrace. "I'm ecstatic that I got to feel it. Believe me."

He cradles my head against him, his other hand running up and down my back. I only wrapped my arms around him and sobbed. I knew that my hysterics were unnecessary over something so silly, but I couldn't contain myself. Fucking hormones.

Eventually, Noah manages to calm me down and we walk home. He immediately runs me a bath when we get there, and I thank him with a kiss before settling into the tub. I didn't bathe for very long; I was exhausted from the events from earlier, and the warmth of the water was beginning to lull me to sleep.

I dressed into my pajamas for the evening, though it was still early. Noah was in bed and lying on his side, propping himself up by his elbow and resting his head in his hand. He smiles at me softly, his eyelids hooded with what seemed to be exhaustion as well, and pats the mattress with his opposite hand. I join him in bed with a sheepish grin.

"I'm so sorry for earlier today," Noah apologizes as I mirror his position. "I'm just so defensive over you," he reaches out and grazes his thumb across the apple of my cheek. "And him," he moves his hand to the swell of my belly, giving it a gentle rub. "I know, and I appreciate all that you do." I put my hand over his, lacing my fingers through his and giving him a light squeeze. "But I'm not raising him alone because you got thrown in the clink for assault," I chuckle. He snorts, letting his head hang for a moment. "I promise that won't happen, love." "Good."

We stay like this until my arm gets sore, and I lie back against my pillow after propping it up. Noah shifts; he's nearly face-level with my stomach, now tracing his fingers over my bump, and I grin when he presses a kiss against it.

I hear him whispering, and I realize as I watch his eyes start to droop further that he's actually singing to my belly. His eyes are shut when the baby kicks, and I giggle knowing Noah felt it by the subtle curl of his lips as he continued to sing to my belly. "Seems like he likes his daddy's singing," I muse. He hums in agreement, his eyes remaining shut. "Yeah, I think so," he says, sleep heavy in his voice. "I hope so, anyway. It's kind of my profession." "He's gonna love it," I reassure him, running a hand through the front of his hair, scratching lightly as I went along. "I just know it."

|Chapter 23|

[starflungwaddledee]

alright. look, we're going to go into this because i genuinely want to think you didn't mean harm by this, but it's unacceptable to use this sort of manipulative phrasing. especially with strangers, some of whom are kids.

this is not a call-out. i've hidden all names except my own. i just need to address this post i was tagged in, and don't want to add it onto the end of the original post. i could also have done this privately, but i want this to be here for the other folks who were @'d. i won't @ anyone else who was mentioned in this post, but many of us are mutuals, so if you see this post and you're feeling at all stressed out or bad, i recommend just clicking through because i'm going to go into this.

firstly, and i'm going to make this transparent, person who @'d me: i don't think you're being malicious or did anything purposefully bad. i don't think you intended harm or that you are "a bad person". i don't have a single negative thought about you as a person. i don't make this post to be mean. i truly think you made an earnest mistake that could easily have hurt others, and i am stepping in with the hope this can be avoided in the future! per my usual boundaries on reassurance seeking, i will not reassure about this further.

secondly, the post that you tacked this onto IS important and a helpful resource, and it is great to bring attention to it. we should be doing everything we can to not only defend against, but actively fight back against generative AI. many people cannot access the most commonly recommended tools (myself included), so a resource like this is fantastic and i'm glad to learn about it and share it! i don't speak for anyone else, but i've said before that i personally don't mind being tagged in resources that could help me or others and i'm usually happy to share them, especially if i think the latter

but, assuming that you are genuinely well meaning and don't know better, you need to know that this is not the way to go about it. i don't mean mass-tagging, which is fine in times like this imo, i mean your written add-ons that actively guilt trip every single person you tagged.

"if you weren't convinced by the idea of being a good person" and "I do hope anyone I @'d isn't a bad person" in particular.

you may not have realised, but these are profoundly manipulative and cruel things to say. regardless of how you intended them, they are inciting guilt in the reader, and especially in the people who you actively called to come and look at it. here's what it sounds like:

"hey! you! yeah you! come look at this!! come closer! now, do what i ask you to do, or you're a bad person."

there are a million and one reasons someone might not reblog something. being tired, offline, anxious, even needing to run a specifically professional blog with exclusively your art on it for your own financial survival which makes it hard to reblog important posts like this; none of those are bad.

in this case, only one thing makes them a "bad person", and it's "they're pro-generative AI and did not reblog because they want to hide this information to ensure they can continue stealing from creatives".

i'm fairly confident you don't actually think anyone you tagged here has that point of view, or that you really have any doubts about their stances on generative AI. in fact, of the folks i recognise here, they're all independent creatives, sharing artwork with fandom for free on the internet. they are the victims of generative AI, and like most of us, are facing a terrifying future and are already desperate to find a way to defend/fight back.

you do not need to use manipulative language like this to get us to care about this sort of content! this affects us all, content creators and content consumers alike!

in future if you want to direct folks to something like this, which is super helpful and it was good of you to do!, you can just @ them so they see it. you can even say something like "this is important and some reblogs would sure help to boost it!". this is still a call to action, but without the manipulative phrasing, just in case they cannot act for any reason.

in the end, guilt tripping people like this, intentional or otherwise, is dangerous.

at best it will make them feel like shit and they'll feel forced to reblog + share from you out of guilt rather than just believing in the cause. and sometimes it feels like it's most effective, especially when things are urgent; but in my opinion the risk of harm is just too high. because at worst, you could accidentally send someone into a negative thinking spiral. you can never know what people are going through offline, or outside of your spaces, and how something like this will hit them.

[sintiva]

https://www.tumblr.com/sintiva/713501252251746304/and-look-at-how-eren-got-all-the-black-folk-on

I don't necessarily think it's going against the "black community" on here to critique a canonically white character speaking AAVE and always being a drug dealer/plug/stoner. Or not even that just speaking on how a character is always portrayed. There's no variety. And compared to every other character except maybe Connie (like Levi, Armin, Jean, Reiner, Porco, etc.) Eren's always the main theme that occurs on here.

Some anons are being dumb asf with the reaching but people are gonna talk anyway about fiction regardless. I know black writers get hate on this app for dumb shit but people shouldn't be shut out for just voicing their opinion on fiction.

Some people eat it up and some people don't. Personally I think it's weird because why make a white man say AAVE (not mama, but like "ma", "shawty", etc.) and give him stereotypical hood ***** characteristics like being a drug dealer, toxic, cheater, guns, or like the fics themselves being struggle love, cheating, etc.

You or anyone else accused of this don't have to change how you write him, but obviously reading the tags and seeing this all the time gets kind of depressing to read because the y/n we read gotta go some BS to be loved.

This post also explains that Eren doesn't even have to be less of anything I or anyone else got a problem with, but couldn't he be more down bad for black reader like he is in canon? Like why does it have to be struggle love/situationships?

https://heartdevil.tumblr.com/post/713487049503719424/lets-talk-about-the-epidemic-that-is-niggaeren

And not saying you said this but like I know the: "well the white y/ns sometimes do dubcon/abuse/dracophilia/etc. but y'all never call them out for it" argument but that doesn't solve the case neither. They both got problems. And since we're all black we're more likely to look at the "eren x black reader" tag and point out issues than the yt ones.

this entire ask overwhelmed me so bad😭

(i say y’all a lot, but i’m not talking about you specifically nonny)

but overall this whole concept of nigga!eren is so tired?? the way y’all are talking about this seems like y’all only believe a black men can have these negative ass sterotypes, and why is that…. MEDIA?? y’all saying only niggas can have struggle love, use guns, be plugs and so fourth?? what are black men? fucking degenerates??? i’m not liking how people are using all these traits they see in eren fics and simply saying he gives black man. y’all are playing into the stereotypes by thinking like that. y’all talking bout struggle love relationships??? are y’all reading on mf wattpad 😭😭, i’ve read tons of eren fics where that’s not the situation at all, so i’m genuinely confused in where these fics are found. and tbh i could care less about what white folk write, every community/group/fandom has their own problems but seeing the black community get continuous back lash is exhausting. but i do understand how seeing constant toxic renditions of eren fics can be distasteful, i feel that way myself, but at the end of the day people will write what they want to write. i don’t like how it’s perceived that people are just basically writing a black man version of eren, but 🚶🏽‍♀️

[loveydoveylex]

i see your post in the tags sometimes, thanks for being so open about not being comfy sharing /gen. i suspect myself as having bpd (yet to get checked) which if true would obviously affect me and the way i view things. its difficult to see people talk about how its “selfish” and “unfair” over fictional characters, knowing i did not choose to feel or react this way towards it. it makes me feel better about myself to know i’m not alone, and that its not like a bad thing to experience. so, thank you :)

awwh, hello anon! thank you so much for your kind words - I'm incredibly happy to know my posts can make you feel better about it. 🥺 I feel you, it seems there's been a lot of negativity in the tag lately regarding being uncomfortable sharing f/os. it gets tiring having to read about how we're being 'selfish' or 'gatekeeping' over and over and over again. like... of course, right, sorry, I forgot this is social media where it's considered selfish to have boundaries 😑

and if it's not direct in-your-face negativity it's people still trying to subtly make us feel bad. I have no idea where all of this suddenly came from or why there's been such a wave of it lately but it sucks.

here's your reminder that there's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to share - it doesn't make you selfish, it's not "unfair" to others. you're allowed to curate your internet experience how you want; that's what things like blocking and tag filtering are for! you don't have to tolerate something if it makes you uncomfortable.

we form such personal relationships with our f/os over time that it's perfectly understandable to not like having to see others view them in the same way. it's okay to feel that way! people have Emotions. we aren't computers.

can it seem silly to other people? sure, maybe. but I'll guarantee that almost everyone has something silly that makes them uncomfortable. we can't exactly control our discomforts!

please remember that your f/o(s) love you! you're valid 💖

[endless-hourglass]

I believe so?

Yes (We're FTM and have several feminine alters)

Yes (We have a couple alters with ages ranging from the hundreds to the billions)

It's possible for a little to be a protector. The internal age of an alter usually does not hold too much bearing as to what roles they can and can't be

Can be a bit of anything. They can choose to front, they could have been dragged out by a trigger (positive or negative), they may have been asked to front to do a task, or maybe they just. happened to end up fronting for no reason. happens to us a lot.

Just in our experience, we only rapid switch in intense distress or if we're using many positive triggers at once. If multiple alters are close to front at once, we get really dissociated and its like a weird game of "fronting tag"

Yep. Alters can front for days, weeks, months at a time even. Some people would consider this "frontstuck" but it depends on how often you switch in the first place tbh.

In our experience it depends on why we're switching. If we're switching in response to a trigger or in order to do a certain task there's heavy dissociation involved, but if its a longer, more gradual less obvious switch its less dissociatey

It depends on how far along you've gotten in lowering amnesia barriers as a system, and in our case, how personally close the individual alter is with the host. If I (one of our co-hosts) were to switch out with my brother SAINT, chances are he'd share memory/info of what happened while he was out or I'd get a better picture of what happened easier, but if two alters who know nothing about each other at all were to switch, it's very disorienting, but we've grown to just Roll With The Punches and go "shoot i don't rememeber the last 12 hours. oh well"

Yes! I'm sure the Science or anything behind co-consciousness, but alters can pay attention to whats happening in the front even if they aren't fronting, or the fronting alter/a co con alter can inform them on what's going on. And it is absolutely possible for alters to communicate like a bit of a "subconscious", if that's how a certain system communicates internally.

In my personal experiencing with "backseating" fronters, it feels like im standing next to/behind the alter in the front and watching things over their shoulder. I can comment on what's going on sometimes and its when I'm co-con/co-fronting that I can communicate the best.

Again, depends on what amnesia barriers in the system are like and how close the switching alters are.

Yes to both! Sometimes it may not cause much of an effect but it can also be a bit of a roadblock in communication.

Just...whatever the individual's brain deemed traumatic enough as a child to justify blocking the event away with dissociation. Maybe some traumas are more common than others, but there's not many limits.

I can't say for sure cuz at the time that our system was first developing (ages 6/7 for us), it was purposefully keeping itself hidden. I imagine that's the case for most other systems too.

In our cases alters get (positively) triggered out most often by their favorite songs, but in specific cases: A protector might get triggered out to handle a dangerous situation or to help a vulnerable alter/alter in a bad situation. A trauma holder might get triggered out by things relating to the traumas the system endured, or to keep a different alter from learning about a trauma, or in response to distress. A little might get triggered out by "childish" things like toys, kids shows/movies, etc. if they're the kind of little who likes those things, and if they have any other role they might get triggered out to perform those duties.

I hope these answers made sense, i'm a little tired

Dominic (He/Him)

I wanted to educate myself more about DID, so I wanted to ask some questions I have about it to further understand what it’s like. I do not have it myself so I will word these in a way to avoid accidentally offending anyone or any confusion:

Is it possible for someone diagnosed with DID to not regularly switch alters? Like almost little to no switches

Do some systems with a trans host have alter(s) that are their AGAB and vice versa?

Is it possible for a system to have an alter that’s much older than the host, like 30-40+ years old or older?

Is the protector alter usually near the age of the host or is it possible for a protector to also be a little/young alter, or are little alters usually not protectors?

How can an alter switch? Are they triggered by an external trigger or switch whenever they want?

How does rapid switching happen?

Can an alter front for more than one day?

Does a dissociative episode happen every time a switch happens or only sometimes, or is it also sometimes immediate?

How does an alter switch back to the host? And I’ve heard that when an alter fronts, the host has a gap in their memory from the time the alter was fronting. Does that memory gap ever get filled or is it just never told to you?

Do the alters share information with other alters if they aren’t fronting? And can they talk in the background like a subconscious? (It’s a silly question but I’m just curious)

What is backseating and co-fronting (I think that’s what it’s called) and what does it feel like?

If the host meets someone like a friend while fronting and a switch happens, does the alter recognize/know who the person is, or do they think they’re a stranger, since it wasn’t them who met them?

Can an alter(s) dislike/hate another alter/the host and does it cause any problems with the system?

What type of trauma usually causes DID? Can it be any physical/emotional/SA related event or does it usually affect a specific type? (Sorry if this question is worded poorly)

How quickly does DID start developing and what does it feel like when it first starts?

How is a protector alter triggered? How is a trauma holder triggered? How is a little alter triggered?

If anyone can help educate me on this topic I’d really appreciate it! Feel free to put your answer under a read more

[deanismysavior]

Your blog is really making me hopeful that Byler will happen, although unfortunately I still don't really trust the chreators to make it happen... I mean, I've been mislead and disappointed so many times - but that wasn't the point of my ask. I sorta wanted to rant, but I am lowkey too scared to make my own post. Here we go: it really REALLY bothers me how so many of the milkvan shippers are super homophobic while "defending" their ship/attacking byler and/or byler shippers. You can really see this while scrolling the milkvan tag (biggest mistake I made, ever).

Also what I saw was so many of them claiming bylers don't care about Mike, or if Eleven gets her heart broken, etc. etc., that bylers only care about "their gay noncanon ship". It's so ridiculous that it almost makes me laugh because a LOT of the milkvan shippers (before anyone gets mad, of course not all of them) are the ones who don't give a shit about the plot, the individual characters or really any other aspect of the show that doesn't have to do with milkvan. So many of them reduce El and Mike only to each other's love interests, as if there is nothing else there. A lot of the byler shippers get these characters as individuals and think of them individually. I also saw many ppl on the milkvan tag claim bylers don't care specifically about Mike AT ALL, only as Will's love interest. What??? I really haven't seen many of these byler shippers around. And... as if many of the milkvans don't do the same exact thing. They literally do not care about Mike, or El, or anyone. Or anything that happens in the show. It's so hypocritical.

Sorry this is so incoherent, I am tired and having trouble gathering my thoughts together. Also, absolutely no pressure to answer this! I am sure many of these things have been said before.

Hi! I'm so happy that my blog has been a positive experience for you! That being said, I completely understand not having full confidence, because I know that queerbaiting is a huge issue in media, and I've experienced that pain as well *coughs* destiel *coughs*

It really is a problem that people have started to use their ship as an excuse to be homophobic. I've seen it happen a few times in my ask box and it's always really disturbing to me how much hatred these people have towards Will just because he's "getting in the way" of their ship. Like weird ass, did you even watch this season? He single-handedly saved the bones of Mordecai and the Rigbys that remains after all the lies and gaslighting. If anything, they should be thanking Will.

I also think it's super weird that people assume that we hate Mike, because personally, Mike is my favorite character. I love how layered he is and there's something about the progression of his character that really resonates with me. But seriously, why would we ship Mike with Will if we didn't like Mike? I think some people are under the impression that we only ship Byler because the ship itself is gay, which I take a bit of issue with because they make it seem like we're making shit up just to make it gay. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy ships like Steddie or Ronance, and I think they're cute and have a certain amount of chemistry, but those ships, while fun, don't hold the same weight as Byler, and I feel like people are kind of lumping Byler in with that category even though we have much more substantial evidence that something could really happen here. But Byler aside for a second, even if I wasn't for Byler, at this point, I still wouldn't be for Monstrosity because their relationship is plain unhealthy and imbalanced.

I would agree though, I've seen a lot more Mannequin shippers say stuff about them hating Mike and loving El than I've seen Byler shippers say anything negative about Mike (other than in an affectionate or joking way). It's honestly weird bc why would you want El with Mike if you don't like Mike?? Make it make sense.

[aroaceconfessions]

(sorry for th negativity, long day and these thoughts have been stirring for a LONG time...)

I'm so so so so tired of the SAM now being the default in the community. I've bottled it up bc it's not the majority opinion and we're all tired of being erased but a post going around rn brought it all back up and I wanted to vent. It's just sum1 expressing frustration that canon ace characters that also lack romantic attraction aren't instead called aroace, which I understand but man. It had almost a thousand notes with every1 agreeing but my only thought was that if I made a nonsam aspect character, would that be considered bad rep to most of the aspec community? If they lacked any attraction but was just aro like me, would I just be hurting my community more? I feel like the way we approach our identities changed after all the exclus shit and now I almost feel I don't belong or. somthing. Sorry if that's guilt trippy, I don't mean it to at all. We're barely acknowledged, so I get it but idk. The most I see nonsams talked abt is when sum1 says not to forget us... but then non of the ways ppl talk reflect it if that makes sense? It's still treated as if u have to be aroallo or alloace or aroace and tagging a post abt sexual attraction as aro or romantic as ace is bad, even if it applies for u. On ADoV ppl posted abt how much it sucks 2 see them tagged as aromantic, even tho for me it was really really nice :( I like celebrating ace days as a nonsam aro, it's not quite MY day but it's close. And on aro days the tag is full of ppl reminding us not to mention or tag asexuality too. I just wish we could go back to the aro and ace having blurry boundaries w/out necessarily being aroace yknow? There's so much focus on separating now that those of us that can't are just left behind. Again. But on the other hand as an aro I know we're all sick of erasure so I get us being more defensive lol. Idk sorry again for the longass negative message, u can delete if it's too much

[bread-squid-uwu]

So, as a collective we have decided that since aphblr had lead to a small crisis with safety and mental health in relation to our host, and three introject alters, we're going to be temporarily removing the anon feature from our inbox alongside simply clearing or ignoring the current asks in there as there are forty-two asks, which having a ton of asks is actually a very large paranoia trigger for us.

[ screenshot showing our inbox currently. ]

On top of this, we will not be going through tags or blogs for a while, just until we feel less uneasy about it. So, we'll most likely only interact with mutuals and make our own posts for a while, which isn't much different than our original routine.

As another change, we're going to be more transparent with who exactly is running this blog. This blog is shared between our host, and aphverse introjects - mostly Dante and Travis. Which is the reason for our DNI and boundaries being what they are, and the reason this blog is mostly centered around content of the boys and especially those two. The characters are very, very important to us, obviously - and yes, an introject can enjoy their source and source character outside of themself, we personally don't identify with sources much.

So, this means we'll be adding alter sign off / credit to any future posts, and we'll probably add a tagging system explanation to our pinned post as well eventually.

Anyways, we're still taking time away from this fandom, so this might be the only post for a little bit. You can still find us active on other blogs, and if you're a mutual then you'll know we're gonna be on discord more lol (feel free to ask for our account, btw!! It's very fun talking to friends!)

Anyways Anyways, more things under the cut, but until next time - wishing everyone good vibes :]

[ - Garroth 🌊 ]

Putting these pictures here temporarily, as an extra way to further explain our account and stances. We have a DNI and boundaries for a reason, and we talk about specific things more than others for a reason. The entire travlyn situation really shouldn't have happened, on all ends actually, but it did stem from a very specific place on our end.

Pointing out one thing about one character, never downplayed or supported the actions of another, two things can be true at once, but I'm tired of repeating that. We typically avoid the talk of travlyn, of Katelyn, of any character negativity, but we popped in this one time from a place of discomfort.

Again, I'm tired of repeating the explanations.

Anyways,

Here is a list of everyone that uses this blog, used it in the past, may use it in the future, etcetera etcetera. We feel perfectly fine and safe sharing this information, we've always been open about our system, and have a blog dedicated to it. Visit our system blog if you have questions, @aquaticfreakshow-sys

Certain things are blocked out to respect our privacy, and some things are blocked out to respect others.

We have twenty (20) introjects from this source, and only around five are frequent front. Dante is a co-host, Travis fronts very often, the two Zane alters are often out as well, Aaron is frequently front (though he usually only listens to music and stays offline now because of past things in aphblr).

Again, this blog is mostly Sean(Squid), Dante, and Travis.

I think I'll be ending this here, I'm not sure what else to say about anything and sitting here thinking about it all, I'm just starting to get upset that this all happened. The amount of harassment was ridiculous, and honestly frightening. But, we're confident moving forward and past this. Especially with turning off anon for a long while.

Again, if you have questions about our system then please direct them to our system blog.

Have a wonderful day, our dear 30-something followers, does anyone remember how our old blog had 400?? Wild

[ - again, post made by Garroth ]

Heyy uhm!! On a serious note,

Probably not gonna be posting for a while because this entire situation has actually pushed our system into a health and safety crisis regarding our mental health (read pinned post for limited context)

[icyxmischief]

Also, it was just brought to my attention, not for the first time, that a growing number of content creators on Tumblr specifically would rather their art, graphics, et al be interacted with without any mediation or active engagement, that even tags added to their posts are seen as unwelcome and even rude, that meta and media analysis are now forms of that rudeness. As an educator, as a PhD in the field of visual media analysis, I am reeling and genuinely afraid for the state of critical thinking with younger and younger groups of media influencers and content creators because unlike Instagram or Twitter or other sites, Tumblr was originally intended for the collaboration and recontextualization of original content. Has this changed? Do we never discuss post content in reblogs? Do we simply "stay in our lane" and add it to our blog and always make new posts to express our thoughts and ounter points, even though the posts we are adding onto are didactic tools that help us illustrate the point we're discussing? Do all content creators feel this way, or is this a matter of personal preference?

PLEASE NOTE: I am NOT saying that my view is correct or that my concerns are valid. I could very well be getting out of touch with the function of this platform. But im actually afraid this is indicative of a bigger problem in social media that the collective trauma of the pandemic has worsened: we don't let anything become contentious or controversial, even when it's civil debate, or even when it bears a lot of intellectual fruit ro be reflective of self and others and the things we create to express ourselves. We are all too tired of literally trying to stay alive in a dystopia to face any more potential negativity in our personal spaces, so we just don't "go there." Right? I feel this fatigue too. I get it completely. But it's still a scary trend. We are devolving as free thinkers.

When I make a post, or post an artwork, I know I may only be speaking for me, but I actively expect it to be reblogged and discussed on multiple analytical levels, by a very diverse array of bloggers with different viewpoints. As a painter, I know and robustly respect the idea that the content creator has a right to thei boundaries and to their original work. But does reblogging it to TALK ABOUT IT, to give it more exposure and more varied frameworks for consumption, really constitute rudeness??? I would genuinely like to know.

if Tumblr is becoming another place where intellectual exchange, including (civil, always civil!!!)criticism is seen as an unwelcome "intrusion," then I want to try to respect that (I guess?), but maybe I don't belong here anymore. And maybe it's good I realized that sooner rather than later.

[beautiful-basque-country]

Religious Anon here, to Basque anon:

1) oh yeah, I understand that Basques, Catalans etc being ignored by the Spanish government is a huge part of your history (at least for a century due to Francoism - I'm nowhere near as familiar with the history of regional cultures in Spain during, say, the Spanish empire period, or the transition to the Republic of the late 19th and early 20th centuries). I know it's important, and I'm not saying the girls should stop posting about politics, not at all. Rather, I was trying to show them that some anons who were sending frustrated asks re: seeing Basque politics on their dash *every day* were probably doing it out of mental exhaustion from everything going on, ex. the pandemic and politics in their countries etc.

2) yes, I am from the US, but I would never presume that our politics, by virtue of being much more visible than the things going on in other countries, which are obviously more relevant to people living there, are more important, no!

While it IS good to tell others of the injustice you've suffered as a people, I daresay reading about the evils of humanity in *any* country *all the time* (for example, seeing posts here on Tumblr about injustice almost daily) can get super exhausting and make folks feel utterly hopeless. And THIS is, I think, what certain anons, who were not Nazis or trolls, were complaining about. I think it's because of how tuned in we all are to world news in this age of technology. So reading about climate change, the pandemic and other global issues is already tiring. And for some, to read about human injustice around the world - which they can do nothing about other than be aware, since they don't live in Euskadi or other regions of Spain and France - *constantly*, not just on the girls' blog, but elsewhere, is making them feel very negative, which is probably spilling out into other areas of their lives.

So aside from advising frustrated followers to take charge of their mental health and block those posts or take a break from Tumblr/social media (for a time, if need be) - I would also ask (*not* demand) that the girls consider posting a bit less about politics. Not stopping altogether - but limiting the posts to a few days a week.

I hope you understand, Basque anon! And girls!

Kaixo again!

Well, we'll have to disagree this time, anon. While we consider that having a better tagging system to allow followers to filter political or intense issues posts is a good practical idea, we won't be limiting them. Why? Because there are times when there are more news, or controversies, or attacks, or reactions, or whatever we like to share and we won't be holding back so some readers don't become too tired of us. And viceversa, there have been weeks and months when we've posted nothing political because there was nothing to comment on.

We refuse to take responsability on our readers' negativity or exhaustion being too high because we inform daily about politics in Euskal Herria if there are daily news. We're sure they aren't sending hatemail or telling TV stations how much political content they should include.

We don't want to come off as rude with this answer. We're just saying that yes, we appreciate and in fact will follow your advice of a more accurate tagging system so you all can filter the posts you don't like, but we won't limit them or censor ourselves because it may be too much for somebody.

[nikkoliferous]

You know why there are YouTube video essays on current Star Wars, Transformers, DCEU and many other franchise films? It's because there was ALREADY a very large fan base who deeply loves those franchises. When majority of fans love something that became ruined, they don't mind ANYONE going above and beyond with their responses vs when it's only a small minority of the fandom, is when it's suddenly not okay. So, I think that's why spending so much energy constantly defending ourselves being anti ragnarok is kind of not exactly worth it... at least not as much. There are hundreds of posts already in the tags and if anyone wants to see our POV, they will take the time, otherwise we're subject to repeating ourselves. Everything that needs to be said, has already been said so all those stupid asks on why we defend Loki, isn't even worth answering. You, among others, have done AMAZING jobs going over all the details 💜

Well, to be fair that's the whole reason I created the compendium. So we didn't have to keep making the same arguments over and over; we could just pass around a link when someone asked and go, "here, read this". And I also don't think any of us was ever really trying to change anyone's mind so much as express our own thoughts and connect with people who felt the same way. You'd be surprised how many people I run into (both pro- and anti-TR), even in this the year of our lord 2020, who say they didn't realise there were people who didn't like TR. Not to bring the series into this, but I expect the backlash against my hating the trailer will die down eventually because that's what happened when I started talking about Ragnarok too. At first, I got a lot people who were mad that I dared criticize their favourite movie; eventually, most of those people stopped engaging, either because they'd all finally blocked me or they were tired of arguing or... who knows? Point being, when I talk now about how bad Ragnarok is, I get a lot more positive interaction (i.e., people agreeing with me) than I do negative. And I expect the same will eventually be true of the series. Either people will grow bored of giving me shit for my pesky independent thoughts, or the series won't be as bad as it currently looks and I'll have less cause to complain. Either way, I look at the bigger picture. The people who leave rude comments or asks, whether they're about Ragnarok or the series or Loki in general, are a drop in the bucket compared to the people who feel the same way/are respectful of differing opinions/choose to only engage on the areas where we agree. And when they do pop their heads up from the ground like a Whack-A-Mole, we enjoy roasting them for it. Lol