#<- FR. I WAS SITTING HERE WRITING THIS BEING SAD FOR HIM & THEN WENT “FUCK WAIT IS IT NOT OBVI- AM I MAKIMG UP EXTRA IM NOT ACTUALY WRITING-

[winewinebloodwine]

[Chuuya sticks his tounge out, not mentioning he will definitely be cutting this shit] and don't fuck with the stove dumbass- it needs to be preheated and shit.

[Chuuya nods, pointing at Dazai] Fuckin- yea- that's the name. Yes or no??

[Chuuya hums a bit, still mostly focused on trying to breath. He nods though, absently agreeing. He tilted his head a bit, seeming to be silently wondering if dazai had gotten it all or not, before sighing a bit. His grip around Dazais wrist is iron strong, if a bit loose.]

[@long-death-dazai contining the other one here!]

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

I put up a little survey but no one answered it. How dare you all go on living your lives when I'm posting important things like whether or not I should post this all at once or break it up. So, this is YOUR fault it's been released as a whole ;).

A/N ::: NOT EVEN GONNA FUCKING LIE this was about 15 pages on Google Docs. BUT IN MY DEFENSE I have been working on this for 3 days. And if I'd been left alone like I wanted to be, I'd have not carried on and on like this. So, blame everyone around me that insists on interrupting me while I'm tryin' to write this story that wasn't supposed to be this damn long. ANY-DAMN-WAY. I hope someone out there reads this, despite it being the size of a damn Steinbeck piece of lit.

Disclaimer ::: This is NOT literature.

Seriously, please ... someone enjoy this.

C/W ::: Chifuyu x F.reader x Baji, cheating, sneaking around and sex.

WC ::: 4,765 (I'M SO SORRY. FR THIS TIME)

MDNI under the cut please and thank you.

When Chifuyu introduced you to the man he looked up to - his mentor - his hero, you didn't really think much of it at first. It didn't register how he stopped breathing when he shook your hand and said hello. How his eyes blew out, fully black. Lacking the subtlety of a man who wasn't your lover.

You weren't anything special. At least, you didn't think you were. Chifuyu introduced you as "the most pretty girl he's ever laid eyes on" and Baji couldn't deny that was the loudest truth he's ever heard. He'd never been so jealous of anyone as he is right now. But what could he do about it? Take you away from the man who was like a little brother to him?

He didn't want to. But he couldn't help how he felt when he was around you. He couldn't help how his mouth went dry when you said "Hi, Baj'! How are you today? Lovin' the hair as usual!" And you would wink at him thinking you looked like a total dork and then you'd skitter off to find Chifuyu.

It was easy to fall for you. Especially when you were so sweet, always asking how his day was, making him laugh, smiling that pretty smile at him. His heart was yours. But he knew yours belonged to Chifuyu. And it was getting to a point where he had trouble being around you two at the same time. He wasn't angry or anything. But his heart hurt.

It'd beat out of his chest whenever you'd sit down next to him on the couch or in the back seat of the car. He started to not come around as much.

And one day, you went over there to find Chifuyu because Mikey said that he was at Baji's place and it'd be fine if you popped over to get him.

So, you did just that. Except Chifuyu wasn't there. It was just Keisuke. And he was sitting on his bed with a book in his hand and a sad look in his eyes. 

He seemed surprised to see you when you approached his room. 

"Hey, Baj'," you said softly, "I'm sorry for coming over without calling first but I don't have your number." You leaned against his doorway with your hand on your hip. Smiling that goddamn smile of yours at him like you have absolutely no idea how he feels.

He shook his head. "It's okay. Chifuyu isn't here so if you were looking for him … you’re outta luck."

"Oh. Do you know where he is?"

"Nope. I don't think he's coming back here anytime soon either."

"Ah," you said, "so we're both out of luck."

Baji swallowed hard. "Yeah, ok. Well, bye, I guess. It was nice seeing you."

You smiled again. "Oh! O-ok, Baj'. Maybe I'll ... see you … I’ll see you ‘round."

He only had the strength to say "yeah, maybe" as you walked out of his room and out of his place. Because if he opened his mouth the only words that were going to come out were "I love you, y/n. Please give me a chance. I feel like I'm going to explode every time I'm in the same room with you and I don't get to touch your soft skin."

But he didn't say that. He couldn't. And he spent the rest of his night alone, wishing he had someone to hold him. Someone to tell him everything was going to be okay. Someone who loved him as much as he loved you. Someone who loved him as much as you loved Chifuyu.

You eventually tracked Chifuyu down and you told him about how sad Baji seemed tonight.

"Do you think I should go talk to him?" He asked.

"No," you replied. "I don't think he's in the mood to talk. He seemed really sad, though. He looked like he wanted to cry."

"Should we just leave him alone?"

"Yeah, I think so. But let's check on him tomorrow. Maybe he'll be more up to talking then."

"Ok. I hope so."

You didn't mean to, but you caught a glimpse of Chifuyu's face before he turned away. It was like he knew something. Like he knew that Baji had a crush on you. And maybe he did. Baji wasn't subtle at all. He was obvious and open and loud about his feelings. He wore them on his sleeve. And Chifuyu is the type to notice things. Especially about someone he already paid such close attention to. But none of this could be helped. Not really.

So, you left it alone.

A few weeks later, all the boys came over to hang out. And you sat down next to Baji on the couch like you usually did and you leaned your head on his shoulder. He tensed up and then relaxed. And you heard him sniffle a bit.

"Baj'? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, voice breaking.

"You're crying."

He turned his face away from you and wiped his eyes. "Sorry, y/n. It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Hey, I'm your friend. I worry about you. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just ... just … stupid shit. Ok? I don't wanna talk about it."

You nodded and patted his knee. "Ok, well, I'm here if you need me." And you got up and walked down the hallway to your room to grab a sweatshirt.

What you didn't know is that Baji got up and followed you. And when you turned around, he was standing there. He reached out and grabbed your hand. And he brought it up to his mouth and kissed it.

"B-Baji?"

"I'm sorry, y/n. I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"I can't ... I can't sit here and watch you and Chifuyu be all lovey dovey. It's fucking with my head, ok? I don't want to feel this way but I do and it's killing me inside. I've tried to stop it. I've tried everything and nothing works."

You pulled your hand back. "What are you … Baji? I don't understand."

"I'm saying that I like you, ok? And I don't know how to stop."

"I understand that but why the fuck are you telling me this now? Jesus, Baj'." You sat down on your bed, folding the sweatshirt up on your lap and holding it close to your chest.

Baji sat down next to you and put his hand on your arm. "I know it's stupid and I know you and Chifuyu are happy together. But I need you to know. I need you to know how much you mean to me. How much I wish it was me instead of him."

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. You didn't know Baji felt this way. You didn't think he ever looked at you like that. And you didn't know what to say. You were speechless.

"I'm sorry, y/n," he said again, "I'm sorry I fucked everything up. I'll go."

But before he could get up, you grabbed his wrist. "Wait," you said. "Don't go."

He turned back to you, face red and impossibly handsome. How had you never seen this before? How completely fucking beautiful he is. And how could you have missed the way he looked at you?

"I'm … sorry, Baj'. I'm sorry I never knew."

"It's not your fault, y/n. I don't blame you for anything. You can't help how you feel."

You nodded.

"What does that mean? Why are you nodding?"

You took his hand and held it in yours. "I don't know." The look in your eyes made him feel something he hadn't felt in so long. And he couldn't help but process that as some fresh new hell. Some new hurt. But still, he was stupidly hopeful.

Even though he didn't want to. He didn't want to think that maybe you could be his. But the way you looked at him right then gave him the tiniest bit of hope that maybe it was possible.

"Y/n? Babe? Where're ya at?" You pulled your hand from Baji's and put them on your lap.

"Sh-shit!" Baji said. "We're in here, Chifuyu. The bedroom." He said as casually as he could muster.

"Tryin' steal my girl, asshole?" Chifuyu laughed half-heartedly.

Baji did not. "Nah, man. Just talking. Catching up."

"Yeah. Ok. Well, Mikey says time to go."

"Shit, already? It's only been an hour."

"Yeah, he wants us all at his place. So, we should go. Don't wanna keep the boss waiting."

"Right. Ok, let's go." Baji got up and walked past Chifuyu without looking him in the eyes. "See ya around, y/n."

"Bye, Baj’-i. Baji." you said. You didn't know what to say. You didn't know what to do.

Baji left and Chifuyu looked at you with a frown. "What's wrong, babe?"

"Nothing."

"Doesn't look like nothing."

"It's nothing, really. Baji was just telling me about some ... something. No biggie. So you're leaving?" You got up and hugged him, trying not to think about the few minutes you and Baji had alone in your room. Holding hands on your bed.

Chifuyu hugged you back. "Yeah, sorry. Mikey says it's important. So, I gotta go. But I'll be back in the morning. Promise."

"Ok, well, I'll talk to you later, yeah? Be safe, Chi." You kissed him and he kissed you back like it was as easy to do as breathing and that broke you down a little bit more than you had anticipated.

What the hell is happening, you wondered. No, you knew what was happening. What is happening. And it was bad. It was so fucking bad. Because you couldn't stop thinking about Baji and his sweet face and his sad eyes. And how it would be nice to hold him and kiss him and make him feel better.

But that was insane. Wasn't it? You loved Chifuyu. You didn't want to be with anyone else. But then why did you feel this way? Why did you want to call Baji and tell him you felt the same?

You didn't know what to do. You were lost. And it was getting harder to pretend you were okay. Especially when you were around Baji. Especially especially when you were around Baji and Chifuyu at the same time.

So, you got into your bed and you texted Chifuyu a good night and a "miss you already" and you waited for him to text you his usual good night text.

It wasn't long and your phone vibrated. You smiled and picked it up next to you on the bed. Picking it up, you were anticipating what cute little thing Chifuyu was going to say to you.

Your smile only grew more wide when you saw it wasn't Chifuyu who'd texted you. 

It was Baji.

"What you doin', y/n?" He asked.

"Hi Baj'. I'm in bed. What you doin'?"

"Same. Just wanted to say g'night."

"Oh, ok. Well, thanks. G'night, Baji. Sweet dreams, yeah?"

"Gonna try and dream about you. And you can't stop me so don't come over here and try to or anything dumb like that, y/n. Got it?"

You surprised yourself: not only with how hard you laughed but that you were up and out of your bed before you knew what happened. Throwing on some leggings and a hoodie and heading out the front door.

Apparently, heading to Baji's place.

"Jesus Christ," he laughed when he opened the door. "Did you sprint here? You're a fucking mess."

"Yeah? Thanks! Anyway, I did run here. And I'm here, aren't I? You're not the only one who can't sleep." Your breathing started to level out after a minute or two of standing there with him.

He couldn't deny that he was missing how your chest heaved when your breathing was heavy. Even behind the baggy sweatshirt. He was missing the way your eyes sparkled in the dark. The way your hair looked messy and adorable. He was missing everything about you.

Until you got there, that is.

"Come in," he said, "make yourself at home."

"Thank you. So, what's up? Why can't you sleep?"

He shrugged. "Don't know. Just thinking too much."

"About?"

He rolled his eyes. "You know about what."

You nodded. "I do. And I think we need to talk about it, yeah? It's getting weird."

Baji swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. You're making things really awkward, y/n. I don't know how much more I can take - going on like this. You're a real pain in my ass."

You gasped, exaggerating hurt feelings and pushed him over on the living room couch. You climbed on top of him before you even knew what was happening.

And though you were only intending to tickle him and make him suffer in the most innocent way, it quickly evolved into something neither one of you had any business exploring with one another.

You felt his hands on your hips and his lips on yours before you had time to process it. And you had no idea what was going on.

You didn't know what to do.

But you knew you didn't want to stop. You didn't want to stop him.

"B-Baji," you said, pulling back just a bit. "Ffffuck! Baj'! Wh-what the hell!"

"I don't know," he said, "I just ... I couldn't help it."

"Yeah, well … neither can I. But we have to stop. We can't do this. We can't do this to Chifuyu! Fuck, man!"

You pulled back and jumped off him. And you started pacing around the living room.

"We can't do this, Baj'. We can't do this to him. We can't."

Baji got up and grabbed your waist, spinning you around to face him. He pulled you flush against the front of his body and kissed you again.

Harder this time.

With more purpose.

And you didn't have the strength to push him away.

You gave in.

Because you wanted to feel him. You wanted to be touched by him and you wanted to touch him. And you couldn't help yourself.

But you knew it was wrong. You knew it was bad.

"Baj'," you said, "we can't. We can't do this." You said between breaths and smashing your lips against his. You had your hands twisted and tangled up in his long, dark hair. Pulling on it as though it would get you even closer to him than you already were.

But it wouldn't.

It couldn't.

And you knew that. You both knew that.

But you couldn't stop. And it didn't matter that you had no idea what was going to happen after tonight.

All you could focus on is what was happening right now.

And right now, you were kissing Baji like it was the last thing you were ever going to do. Like he was the last person you were ever going to touch. Like he was the one who mattered the most.

Like you were never going to be the same again.

Because you weren't.

And you knew you weren't.

So, you did the only thing you could do in this situation:

You said fuck it and kept kissing him.

You said fuck it to what you and Chifuyu had.

You said fuck it to your morals. Fuck it to your conscience. Fuck it all.

Nothing had ever felt so right.

Not in a long time.

Not since you started dating Chifuyu.

And that's when you knew. You knew it was never going to be over, this thing that was blooming between you and Baji.

And you weren't sure what you were going to do about that.

So, you let Baji kiss you and hold you and make love to you that night. You let him because you needed it. You needed him.

And you knew that no matter what happened, it was never going to be the same.

Because you couldn't live without Baji.

Not anymore.

Not now that you'd seen him and touched him and loved him.

No, it wasn't going to be the same. Not ever.

And you were okay with that.

You were okay with it because you knew that it was always supposed to be like this.

Baji was always supposed to be yours.

And you were always supposed to be his.

You were always supposed to be together.

And it felt like the universe was finally putting everything back where it was always supposed to be.

You were complete.

And you had no idea what that meant or what it was going to lead to.

A couple of weeks after this started, Chifuyu asked you to go out with him and Baji. He said it wasn't going to be anything special. Not a date, though, just the three of you going out for dinner, maybe drinks.

You said yes.

Because you couldn't say no.

And Baji couldn't either.

You couldn't look at Chifuyu because you felt so bad.

But you had to.

You had to look at him.

You wanted to tell him.

You wanted to tell him everything.

You wanted to tell him how you felt.

You wanted to tell him how you were feeling about Baji. About him. About you and Chifuyu's relationship as it stood now. About you and Baji's relationship. That shouldn't even exist.

But it did.It does. 

And you weren't sure how to explain that.

You weren't sure how to tell him that you'd fallen in love with his best friend.

You weren't sure how to tell him that you were fucking said best friend and that it wasn't just sex.

It was love.

It was so much more than anything you’d ever experienced.

So, you sat there.

You sat there next to Chifuyu, holding his hand.

And you sat there across from Baji, your feet touching under the table at the booth. Your eyes staring back at the other's for longer than should have been acceptable.

"I'm gonna go grab some water," Chifuyu said, "you guys want anything else?"

"Nah, I'm good," Baji said.

"Me too," you said.

He nodded and walked over to the counter.

And Baji leaned forward. "We can't do this, y/n. We can't keep this up. I can't keep going like this. I can't keep sitting across from you and pretending like I don't want to rip your fucking clothes off and eat your pussy for the next 4 hours. That I don't want to fuck you stupid. I'm fucking getting hard right now just talking about it, y/n! Fuck."

"I know. I know, Baj'. This is killing me. I feel like I'm going to explode."

"What are we going to do? I can't lose you. And I won't lose Chifuyu. He's my best friend. But you're my, goddamn it y/n ... you're my soulmate."

"I … what?"

He nodded. "Yeah. And I know that sounds crazy and stupid but it's the truth. We were made for each other. I feel it. Do you feel it?"

"I , Baj'. I do. But we can't keep this up. We can't do this to Chifuyu."

Neither of you noticed him walk up to the table. "Do what to me? What are you guys goin' on about?"

Baji and you looked at each other. "Nothing," you said.

"You were talkin' about me, weren't you? Did you guys have a fight or something? Is that why you're over here whispering and shit?"

"N-no!" Baji said. "No, we didn't have a fight or anything like that. We were just talking, man. Just talking."

Chifuyu didn't seem to believe him. He squinted his eyes at the two of you and then shrugged. "Ok. Whatever. Anyway, here's your water. What do you guys want to eat?"

You didn't know. You didn't know what you wanted to eat. You didn't know if you wanted to eat. Ever again. All you could think about is how much this was going to hurt Chifuyu. And how much it was going to hurt Baji. And you.

But you had no choice.

You had to tell him.

You had to tell Chifuyu.

And you couldn't put it off any longer.

"Chi, Baj' has something he wants to tell you!" you yelled out so loudly the whole restaurant stopped whatever they were doing to stare at the disruptive girl.

"The FUCK, y/n!" Baji yelled back at you. "What the fuck are you doing?!" He hissed at you.

You shrugged. "I can't do this anymore, Baj'. I can't keep hiding it. I can't keep lying. It's not fair to him."

"You're gonna fucking do it now?"

You nodded.

And Chifuyu looked between the two of you. "What the hell is going on? What are you guys hiding?"

"I ... um ... we ... we've been sleeping together," Baji said, hanging his head.

"You fucking what?" Chifuyu looked at you. "You've been fucking my best friend? Behind my back? Are you fucking kidding me, y/n? You're fucking kidding me. This isn't funny. This isn't funny at all."

"I'm sorry, Chi. I didn't mean for this to happen. It just did. It's not like we planned it or anything. It just happened."

"Yeah, it just happened! That's real fucking convenient. You just accidentally fell onto his dick. Real fucking nice, y/n. I can't believe you. I can't believe either of you. You know what? Fuck this shit. You guys deserve each other. I hope you're happy together." Chifuyu threw his napkin down on the table and stormed out of the restaurant.

Leaving you and Baji at the table and everyone in there staring at you again.

You got up and started to chase after Chifuyu. Baji just sat there, taking a sip of his drink. "Fuckin' shit," he said, "this was a bad idea."

You found Chifuyu outside, sitting on a bench next to the entrance of the restaurant. "H-hey," you said, sitting down next to him.

"Leave me alone, y/n. I don't want to talk to you."

"I know. I'm sorry, ok? I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, Chi. You know that, right? You know I would never want to hurt you on purpose."

"Yeah, well, you did. You did hurt me. And you have been hurting me for weeks."

"Chi, you have to under- wait, what did you just say? You've known about this? Chi!"

"Yeah, I fucking knew about it. I'm not an idiot. I could tell you guys had something going on. And I let it go because I thought it was nothing. I thought it was a crush or something. I thought I could trust you BOTH to do the right thing here. Instead, you've been fucking each other - behind my back, for weeks and NOT telling me how you felt. You know, the worst part is, I'm not even that surprised. Baji is great. You're great. It was inevitable that you two would find your way into each other's arms. I mean, come on, now. You'd have to be fucking blind to not want to be with either of you."

"I'm so sorry, Chi." You had tears running down your face. But you weren't sure why you were crying. It was all just a lot to process. Chifuyu's reaction, Baji's lack of reaction. All of it.

"It's fine. I'm not mad at you, y/n. I'm mad at Baji. And I'm mad at myself for not seeing this coming. For not stopping it before it went too far. For being in love with you when you're clearly in love with him."

You didn't know what to say. You didn't know what to do. So, you just sat there.

And you let Chifuyu talk.

"I think I knew it was happening before it did. I tried to ignore it. I tried to pretend like it wasn't a big deal. But it was. And it still is."

"I'm so sorry, Chi. I … honest to God never ... ever never wanted to hurt you."

"But you did. And I can't forgive you for that. I don't know if I ever will. And we can't be together anymore. Not now."

"I understand." You had to choke out those words. They were getting caught in your throat as you tried not to sob.

"Fuck. Don't cry, y/n. We can still be friends. I mean, I don't hate you or anything. I'll just never trust you with anything important. Ever again. Like, ever."

"I know. I know, Chi. I get it."

He nodded. "Ok. Well, I'm gonna go. You should go back in there and talk to Baji. Tell him what happened. He deserves to know how badly he fucked up."

"Y- … I will."

"Good. Take care, y/n. And tell him I said good luck with you. That he's dating a whore, liar and cheater. Tell him I said to have fun with that."

You forced yourself to laugh. You knew Chifuyu well enough to know he didn't mean everything he just said to you. Maybe ⅔’s of it. Though you wouldn't bet money on which ⅔’s he was referring to.

Walking back to the restaurant you saw Baji sitting at the table. His shoulders slumped down and his head hung over the table.

"Hey," you said, sitting down across from him.

"What happened? Did you find Chifuyu?"

"Yeah. He was outside. He left"

"Oh. Ok."

"He knows, Baj'. He knew all along."

"Fuck, y/n! Why didn't you tell me that? You should have told me that. Jesus Christ, man! That changes everything."

"I didn't know he knew! Stop yelling at me! You're just as responsible for this shit as I am! Maybe more!"

"Yeah, ok. Whatever. It's done. Let's just go home."

"What? Home? Where is home?"

"You know where it is. My place. You know, the place you've been fucking me every night for the past 2 weeks. The place where you've been sleeping with me and lying to my best friend. Yeah, that home. You remember that one, right?"

"Yeah, I'm familiar." You scowled at him.

"Ok, good." He stood from the table and walked toward the exit, not waiting for you.

You followed him out, running to catch up. You walked next to him in silence, the tension thick in the air around you.

Neither of you had any idea what was going to happen next.

You didn't know if you were going to be together. after this. If you should be together after this.

And you didn't know what to do about it.

So, you did the only thing you could: You kept walking until you got to Baji's house.

And when you got there, you went inside.

Because you didn't want to think about anything else.

The emptiness you felt in the fresh absence of Chifuyu was so painful that you wanted to escape this reality. And the only way to do that was to let yourself be whisked away by Baji in the little fantasy world the two of you had created a couple of weeks ago in his room.

He pulled you down onto the bed and rest his hand on the curve of your waist and he put his forehead against yours.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Sorry?" You whispered back to him. All the while, thinking about his lips and the rest of him and how it was all yours for the taking now. You could have him in his entirety.

You didn't know what you were going to do with that.

"Yeah. I'm sorry for all this. I shouldn't have fallen in love with you. I knew better."

"Baj'. You're not the only one who fell here. I love you too. So hard and so fast. I don't know what the fuck happened."

He kissed your mouth, his lips just grazing yours. It sent a jolt down your spine. You know that kiss. You know what it means. The look in his eyes. On his face. You'd become well acquainted with Baji's everything over the last few weeks.

Except now, it didn't hurt to acknowledge it. That you liked it. That you sat around, fantasizing about it when you weren't together. And that you thought about him more than you wanted to admit to yourself.

You wrapped your hand around the back of his head and held him tightly by the hair, pulling him on top of you. He pushed into you, grinding his hips against yours as he kissed you with a ferocity that you couldn't deny.

You were never going to be the same after tonight.

Not ever.

Not after Baji.

@kazutora-kurokawa @katkusuo @viburnt @arlerts-angel @darkstarlight82

[etheries1015]

BOOK 7 SPOILERS BELOW

I finally decided to suck it up and catch up with twst book 7, I stopped after seeing Silver cry because I'm sCARED OF BEING SAD 😭😭 anyway here's a few reactions I had to it 😭

And hearing about the update coming soon-ish to ENG servers I really need to read up

Lilia pressuring Epel like the old man he is 😭😭 I love the moments that they remind us just how old Lilia actually is and how he sees most if not all the students as if they were his children/grand children, making sure they get the most out of the party and drink...its giving "What do you mean you're not hungry? Absolutely not. Here Is at least 5 servings of whatever dish I made to help u grow big and strong."

Okay I didn't take a screen shot of it but the entire section where Lilia looked kind of guilty with Ortho about exchanging addresses because you just KNOW he probably isn't gonna check in, presumably because he doesn't want anyone to get More attached to him seeing as he is nearing the end of his life span (crying shaking throwing up)

THIS. THIS. THIS INTERACTION HE HAD WITH US. I LOVE HIM. I AM SO SILLY FOR HIM. I totally forgot I changed my in-game name from my nickname to my REAL name and when he said my name I verbally yelled "WHAT THE HELL" before giggling and kicking my feet hehehehe I'm clinically insane for him

But the fact that he acknowledged us as Malleus friend probably means we've spent a lot of time at the dorms or around Lilia for him to see how our friendship and interactions with him work, and it melts my heart hehe. Being part of the diafam fr. But honestly bro back me up, I'm tired of being called a hench-human 😭💀

I wonder just how bad we must look with everyone noticing the strange shift??? Either we REALLY made a scene (tripping over, going pale) or the twst boys are just that attentive to us and I think that is the sweetest thing ever 😭😭 Ace and Deuce is so sweet for thinking of us and trying to get us out while also being polite to the people who kindly held the party. Despite not being there long, ace and deuce is willing to skip out on free food and drinks in order to make sure you're okay and I'm just 😭😭 ANGELS. I LOVE THEM.

But also the way Lilia worries for you is so sweet 😭💜 I should write a fic of sick reader and Lilia, or reader trying to tough it out because I know for a FACT Lilia would not let that slide! (Hypocrite 😐)

I ACTUALLY DROPPED MY JAW WHEN SEBEK SAID THIS SHIT. I WAS. WHAT. WHAT THE HELL LMFAOOOOO 😭 thats fucking insane bro I actually found myself chastising him thru the phone, I would NOT let that discrimination against humans bullshit pass fr 😭 slap him right upside the head and give him a stern talking to. I like seeing Lilia get frustrated, he's so cute and UGH. Although it went in one ear out the other, Seeing Lilia mad is so hot if I'm being real with y'all rn BUAHAHA.

I didnt screen shot this either (and I can't fit anymore photos on this post smh) but Silvers nose being red and obvious he was crying but Lilia confused. DudE OF COURSE he was crying!!! You're his dad!! You raised him since he was a baby, he's just now going into adulthood and doing that WITHOUT HIS DAD who is going to a far away land! Sure, traveling is a thing , but honestly nothing beats having that support just a moments away. Silver is literally the sweetest and wants to support his dad , but who's going to support him????!?! Lilia is putting him in a position where Silver feels the need to be strong and hide his tears for Lilias sake, but of course this is hard on him, its so sudden, too! Being so close to your parent and next thing you know mere days later they are stripped away from your arms?!

I just want to give them all hugs. Lilia obviously has some issues and misconstrued ideas of love (a million people have made posts and comments on this, so I will not repeat it) and I just. Need them to all sit around and be their mediator while we go thru their emotional states.

Ugh. I was in my twst burnout stage and still low key am, but fuck does it spark so much passion in you 😭😭

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Ah!! My bad!! Didn't know you couldn't write controversial stuff!! I'll be happy to resend the ask!))May I have Enji, Bakugo, and Deku with a very punk S/O?-Anarchy anon

Bakugou:

• He thinks its very entertaining.

• V e r y

• He likes what you wear 🥺🥺

• He thinks they suit you

• they match your skin

• and your body

• thigh highs?? Yes.

• skirts??? He loves it

• tight jeans?? Baby pop the duck off

• studded collar? Y e s

• all your bracelets? Shits dope as duck

• Listen I know his parents literally work in fashion- but he did not inherit the genes needed to be good at it

• so you're gonna have to help hi

• and your make up blows him away

• You teach him how to do eyeliner

• bc we all know he abuses the power

• so you sit him down and you show him how you do yours

• and then you give him an extra eyeliner pen and he copies each step

• Now his eyeliner is sharp as fuck

• its great

• he'll help you dye your hair

• which you love because the feeling of him playing with you hair or running his fingers through it to even out the dyed strands feels like heaven

• you've fallen asleep from it before

• he thinks its funny

• bc here you are

• big scary punk babe

• falling asleep bc he's playing w your fucking hair

• HE LOVES YOUR ATTITUDE

• There just this ion give a fuck attitude that punks have

• and he lives for it

• except when it comes to school

• or anything else productive

• so basically just when you're dealing with other people

• bc he's absolutely on your ass about grades

• he'll come w you to get new piercings

• stick n pokes are a no go tho

• seriously he'll flip lmaoo

Deku-

• Bro you and Dekj are literally the opposite

• he's ✨🧚‍♀️🥰😍💋💫❣❣

• a fucking bottom

• and youre 🤬👺😈💢♠️⛓💉🩸🗡

• its very amusing to see a babey decked out in black and blue and purple with crazy fucking hair, screamjng profanities at some bitch who had the misfortune of messing w ur bf

• and then a broccoli boy w green hair panicked and trying to pull you away from the fight

• :)

• he's enamored with your makeup tho

• heavy eyeliner?? Yes

• blush??? Yes.

• eyeliner in places thats not your fucking eye? Yes.

• Black lipstick? Yes.

• Babey wants to try and to it 🥺

• its harder than he thinks

• he's looking at the best he just made on your eyelids and he's like 😓

• he likes to try on your jewelry too!!

• just chill with it throughout the day

• like he'll walk into class one day wearing your spiked choker and no one bats an eye

• bc they just know

• its a deku thing

• or he'll come in wearing your cool hand chain things on days they don't have to train

• or your bracelets!

• also?? He sees your coping method of piercings

• and that you do them yourself

• and he'll watch as you do it like 🥰🥰

• he'll make sure its all safe tho!!!

• just because you're punk doesn't mean you can't be safe!!!!

• he likes to see all your cool pins :(

• he'll steal those too

• @ arthur making a fist meme pin

• your favorite one

• he SNATCHES

• HE JUST TAKES IT

• AND YOURE LOOKING FOR IT

• UNTIL ONE DAY YOU SEE IT ON HIS MOTHER FUCKING BACKPACK

• n your like sir??????

• whomst??

• you can't take it from him tho 😔

• he's just too cute and he'd be sad if you took it

• he'll sometimes pick your outfit to go out

• or he'll have you style something he can wear so he looks 😤😤 too

• and its a vibe

Enji:

• You'd never think

• THE Enji Todoroki

• would end up

• w someone

• like

• you

• He's a very composed man

• He dresses well, expensive designer brands

• he's always put together and well-mannered (for the most part)

• and then there's you

• the fucking gremlin from hell that runs on caffeine and energy drinks that looks like a hottopic advertisement

• Its awesome tbh

• Shouto LOVES you

• Bc you're in your late 20's- Early 30's and you fr just living not giving a shit

• Not acting like his mother

• knowing you have like 0 authority over him

• just fucking vibing

• And somehow you managed to snag his dad??

• youre the embodiment of ill marry your date and make you my stepson bitch

• he's like yo, I see you

• Enji lowkey (highkey he just doesn't think its obvious) finds it hot

• that you dress the way you too

• and your attitude

• it just does things to him

• he just really really likes the vibe

• theres an excitement of finally just letting go and saying fuck it after a long day of being composed

• and it appeals to him

• I feel like lowkey part of the punk vibe is making/thrifting/mismatching clothes and just good hard as fuck

• like

• I got these pants from Walmart, this shirt from 7/11 that I cut up and I found these shoes behind the dumpster of an Arby's so here we fucking go

• so when he buys you fancy and expensive punk shit you're like 😤😤😤

• but also like 👁👁

• bc get that bread sis

• mans just watches you kill your hair with bleach and hair dye

• "Would you like me to call and schedule and appointment with Fuyumis hair stylist?" He asks with confusion

"No!! We're fucking shit up is what we're doing. We HAVE to do it this way!!!!"

"Okay, would you like help? I can try the best I'm able to,"

"Aw bby, help is for the week."

• you end up needing help to get the back lmaoooo

• you do your own haircuts

• bc like I said

• fucking shit up

• thats the vibe

• m u l l e t

• PLEASE

• or you know the girls that cut lil bits of their hair so short it looks like lil horns??

• please do that

• I promise he'll get rlly soft about it

• "I believe it suits you," he'll say softly, running his fingers through the ends of your hair

"Thanks, I fucked it up and went for it."

• he tends not to curse as much

• so

• :)

• you'll curse for him

• some shit goes wrong? You're right next to him?

• get ready for the storm bb

• "oh you mother fucking cu-"

• he honestly doesn't mind the mouth

• bc like I said before

• its refreshing for him to know he can come home and not be expected to be composed

• He will absolutely be willing to pay for whatever tattoos you want

• and honestly just take him up on it bc tattoos are expensive like

• 3 letters is like 150 bruh

• but!! Piercings are done at home!

• unless they're in your mouth :)

• tongue piercing or that peircing above your teeth

• he won't let you do shit like that at home

• when you did get them he helped you take care of them

• but esr piercings are free game

• overall he's very very supportive in the way you dress and act all around• he really doesn't mind at all

[bby-ahgastay]

Locked In - H.J.S

a/n: so this took way too long :/. my brain cell is giving out fr🤧. i hope you enjoy it!

member: Han Jisung (Stray Kids)

summary: one friday some of you decide to sneak into school and hotbox the principal's office, but you and jisung get locked in together, leaving you alone for a while👀.

warnings: smoking weed, oral(m.receiving), fingering, unprotected sex(always use condoms tho bc fuck them kids loll), slight degradation, hair pulling, a little choking.

requested: yes!! and i wanted to say again thank you for requesting this at all, and i'm still sorry it took so long🥺. i really want to try writing more so feel free to request more too!

"miss y/l/n, would you like to repeat that?" your math teacher tilts one ear towards you from her spot in front of the class, new seating chart still clutched tightly in her clammy hands. every one of your classmates shifts to look back at you, your seat in the way back and clearly on purpose. while you were back there, your three closest friends were all scattered in the front.

each of them watches you as well, on standby in case you need any of them to help you out. ryujin is good at helping you rile the teacher up even more. jeongin and chaeryeong use their baby faces to their advantage, usually throwing the teacher some puppy dog eyes and hardly even saying anything, yet still managing to get her to back off of you guys. in some cases they even distract her long enough for you two to escape.

you're not sure why, it's not like she doesn't know that they're your friends. it must be something about their cute, innocent looks that always seemed to make your teacher forget whose side they were on.

"oh, sure!" you chirp, setting your pencil down and beginning to fold the paper you just wrote on. the words 'let's leave early, fuck this' get covered more and more each time you fold a piece of the paper, your eyes not even moving to look at the teacher as you continue. "i said, this seating chart is bullshit. moving us all from our friends won't stop us, you know. it might be quiet for now, but we are not paying attention," you chuckle bitterly, inspecting the paper airplane as you finish it.

"now we'll just be even more distracted finding new ways to communicate," you hold up the plane to show your teacher, making a small 'pop' sound with your mouth as you launch it to ryujin. your friend lights up and stands to catch it, opening the paper and snickering before nodding at you, chae and innie catching your faces and already knowing what to do.

"you two cut it out right now! shin ryujin, give me that paper!" she steps closer to ryujin, the girl scowling at her as she stands on her desk, holding the paper up high as she crumples it in one hand.

"full name? really? i mean, who do you think you are? my mother? get over yourself already," ryujin scoffs. the teacher seethes, arms crossed and foot tapping.

"get down before i call security!"

"bite me, dude."

"AH!!" chaeryeong suddenly screams, climbing on top of her desk dramatically. "miss, i just saw a rat!" she cries out, pointing towards a gap between the wall and bookshelf. the teacher sighs as everyone else gasps and shouts, bringing their feet and bags off the ground.

"chaeryeong... this school does not have rats..." she rubs at her face with one hand, eyes covered as she boils in frustration. while she's not looking, ryujin slowly lowers herself back to the tile, quietly gathering her bag and backing up. you also get your stuff together and begin trying to head towards the back door.

the teacher takes her hand from her face and nearly turns around to ryujin's desk again, but jeongin jumps up to her side, clinging onto her arm to bring her towards the shelf and timidly pointing towards it.

"no, miss, she's right! i saw it too! it-it was huge!" his eyes stare down at her, wide and shining. the last thing you hear is the teacher groaning, then the bookshelf moving and even more chaos from your classmates, then you and ryujin rush to slip out of the door.

as soon as the door closes, you both break for the cafeteria, deciding on an early lunch like you usually do when you sneak out of this class. you both laugh as you make it to the lunch room, catching your breaths for a moment before walking into the large room.

a few other students are already there too, some in line to get food and some sitting at tables while they wait for friends. you and ryujin head over to where you usually sit, a large table where a couple of your friends already wait for everyone.

"hey guys," ryujin pats yeji on the shoulder, sitting between her and lia. you sit in the seat next to yeji, leaning back and smiling at your older friends. as they begin talking you just take out your phone and headphones, opting to listen to music and scroll through twitter rather than join in.

as you start your playlist you hear the chair next to you scraping against the floor. with only a glance over your shoulder you see han jisung, laughing with some friends as they all sit at your table. you try to bite back a smile as he sits next to you, turning his attention from minho and felix to you.

"hey, you're here early," he beams down at you, opening the drink he just bought and handing it to you to have a sip. you shrug and set your phone down, taking your earbuds out as you sit up straighter and take the bottle.

"yeah, some stuff happened in class today, ryujinnie and i-"

"oh my god, y/n, ryujin! you should have seen, it was so great!" you hear chaeryeong exclaim as her and jeongin come bounding towards your table. you chuckle and shake your head lightly as they plop down in seats across from you, gasping for their breaths through laughter.

the others all give them their full attention, curiosity in everyone's eyes. your partner in crime grins at them both, ready to hear what happened once you left, but you just watch jisung as he waits to hear what they have to say.

"after you guys left everyone pretty much said fuck it, we spent the rest of the class with everyone just throwing paper airplanes and the teacher totally just gave up! she sat there the whole time at her desk on her phone and just let us. it would have been sad if she wasn't such a bitch," jeongin shakes his head, cringing at the bitter memories of your teacher.

"ah, i had her, too! she was awful," jisung scrunches his nose, eyes coming back to you. he's a year older than you, meaning he's also a year ahead of you in school. "i must applaud you, as much as me and the others tried we never got her to actually give up. surprising since there were so many of us, really! you two did what me, seungmin, felix, hyunjin, yeji, and lia couldn't," he shakes his head a little, seeming amused yet proud of you.

you only smile up at him as the conversation continues around you.

------

"GAH!" you feel someone jumping on you, hands on your shoulders. with seungmin being consideredably larger than you, you nearly topple over and try to grab onto the closest person to keep yourself up. you catch hyunjin by surprise as you do, his reaction being to practically scream and jump back when you try to grab his arm, swatting you off of him and hardly making it any easier for you.

"my god, you two are gonna kill one of these girls one day," chan shakes his head at the younger boys.

"min, that was unprovoked!" jisung tries to stop himself from laughing, hands on both of your arms to make sure you're steady. this is really pointless given that you've already stopped yourself from falling, barely assisted by hyunjinnie.

he ruffles your hair and scrunches his nose at you playfully. you're sure that you look up at him with hearts in your eyes, your face heating up just from being this close to the boy.

"gosh, my poor baby! just look at how red her face is, she's overwhelmed!" lia exclaims, stroking your hair gently from behind you, then turning to lightly hit seungmin on the chest. the rest of your group all laugh as her and yeji both begin lightly scolding seungmin and hyunjin.

with jisung still not moving, you only look up at him. a pretty smile takes over his face as he laughs at your guys' friends. you can't help yourself as you reach out to pinch one of his cheeks, your face heating up again as he looks at you with a pout.

"what was that for," he tries not to laugh, his bottom lip still sticking out. hiding your giddy expression, you shrug, turning to ryujin before he says anything else.

"did you ever get your phone back from the principal?"

"no!" she frowns deeply, crossing her arms and glaring towards the principals office. she had been forced to go all day without it when a teacher took it in first period. "i went to go get it last period but she said that since it's happened so many times she gets to keep it here all weekend. which, by the way, is a rule that i have never heard at this school!" she nearly shouts, and everyone in your friend group just stares at her.

"sorry, i'm just mad about my phone," she mumbles, arms crossed.

most of the group nods understandingly and returns to their conversations. but you look around and pull together a group of six; you, ryujin, chaeryeong, seungmin, jeongin, and jisung. they all look at you curiously as you motion for them to take a few steps away from everyone else.

"why don't we get your phone back? like, tonight," you look at each of them. they all consider it for a moment, ryujin the only one who doesn't look unsure. "no one will be here past eight. that's when even the last security guard gets tired and goes home, and we already know how to sneak into the office," you point between yourself and the other two girls.

"how?"

"why does that matter?"

"well, i mean, i'm just saying, i don't know how, so this is obviously something you did without me," jeongin grumbles, arms crossed and pouting childishly.

"god, hush up!" chaeryeong lightly smacks his head, not hard enough to actually hurt him. "bigger things are going on than when we hotboxed the office without you scrubs," she smirks, eyes on you now as she waits for you to continue.

the boys stare at you three in shock, seeming more offended than before. "the betrayal," jisung can't help but smile as he speaks, your heart racing you just smile and look away.

"anyways, it wouldn't be too hard. all we have to do is plan a little and come back around nine or something tonight. are you guys down? we can hotbox the office again?" you grin at them, knowing that's all it'll take to get them to agree.

and they all do.

"i would have been on board either way, hell yeah," jisung ruffles your hair, making your heart clench as you giggle and push his hand away.

"on board for what?"

chan, yeji, and lia all walk up to you, curious and already suspecting something bad. the three of them are easily the most parent-like friends in your group. they all tend to try to steer you and the others away from trouble, and you know they wouldn't love this plan. 'just be patient instead,' they would no doubt tell ryujin. the six of you know that's much less fun, though.

"nothing. just sungie and minnie agreeing to help us four with an assignment this weekend," you smile at your older friends. they eye you suspiciously but let it go, deciding that ignorance is bliss.

-------

"jesus, han, please let me drive back," ryujin shakes her head, fixing her hoodie as you climb out of han's car.

"no way, i'm not that bad! besides, you probably have road rage and i don't fuck with that," he dangles the keys in front of her before shoving them in his pocket.

"he's not that bad," you assure ryujin. she looks at you as if saying 'of course you think so,' and you three continue towards the school gate to meet the other half of your group.

you and ryujin came with jisung, only because he lives closer to you guys. and seungmin lives much closer to jeongin and chaeryeong, so you guys are meeting them at the front gate.

as you guys walk up to the tall gate, you can already see seungmin, jeongin, and chaeryeong come down on the other side. ryujin is quick to jump onto it, grinning down at the three already inside your campus.

"can't believe you guys started without us! how lame!"

"well, when you guys take forever," seungmin responds, offering your friend a hand as she comes down on their side.

"blame mr. grandpa driver over there," she lazily nods in jisung's direction, letting the older boy help her land softly. the four of them wait for you and han as he only rolls his eyes, offering you a boost to climb up.

you let him help you and the two of you make your way over the gate quickly, landing with your friends with ease.

"okay, so we all know where the piggy's office is," chaeryeong speaks up, pulling her beanie down as you all look to her. "i know how to pick locks, so i'll take care of that. after, it would be easiest to leave through the window, it leaves us closer to where we parked and it's just quicker. also it's more fun to leave the window open to let her know someone was in there. sounds like a nice big 'fuck you' to me," she smiles sweetly.

the principal tends to be a bit of a bully. she's been rude to each of your friends on multiple occasions, even the sweetest ones. so it's not like you guys are doing this only for fun. or only the get ryujinnie's phone. she also deserves it, which is why you and the other girls have done it before too.

you guys all head for the office, your steps hurried and quiet just in case anyone is still on campus. it's unlikely, but you all still wanted to be careful.

once you reach the door to the principals office, all of you stand behind chaeryeong and wait for her to get the door open. it only takes her a minute to get it, and she pulls the pins out of the keyhole and pushes the door open.

"hurry up, everyone," she smiles, pushing each of you in gently. she enters last, closing and locking the door behind her as you and ryujin go straight for the desk.

"this one," ryujin mumbles as she reaches for one of the drawers. you help her rummage through it in search of her phone, eventually finding it under a stack of papers and folders. "bitch," she grumbles while slamming the drawer shut, flopping down into the principals chair and pulling her backpack off her shoulders.

unzipping her bag, ryujin begins pulling out the essentials for you guys to hotbox the office as planned. you and chae begin going around the office to close the vents and make sure the windows are closed. the guys all watch as you prepare, only finding it funny that you guys are so used to this.

"so how often do you guys break in here?" jisung questions. you shrug and pull your sweater off, stuffing it under the door to close the gap. hannie's eyes travel over you, now only in a black top and shorts, a smile tugging at his lips as you straighten back up.

"not often... but often enough to know what the fuck we're doing," ryujin speaks from behind the desk, comfortably rolling a couple blunts in the principals chair. everyone gravitates closer to her, you and chaeryeong sitting on the desk and the guys hovering around the desk and the windows behind it.

"i still can't believe you guys do this without me. the other two losers i can understand, but come on! i'm in the same year as you guys, that's supposed to mean solidarity," jeongin complains, coming to rest his chin on chae's shoulder and watch ryujin work on the blunts.

"yah, these two 'losers' are your seniors, innie, watch it," seungmin scolds playfully, stepping closer to pull the younger boys hair lightly. jeongin sits up and pouts, rubbing his head in fake pain.

"oh, both of you stop. i get why they wanted to hang out without us. we're fucking annoying," jisung smacks them both in the back of the head, sitting next to you on the desk afterwards. you gaze up at him with a grin, your heart speeding up just like always as he comes closer to you.

he notices your stare, letting his eyes move down to meet yours. "hi," he smiles cutely, patting your head.

"hi," you manage to respond, looking back to your other friends and trying to remember to breathe as he pulls your head onto his shoulder, his arm resting across your shoulders.

ryujin finishes rolling three blunts, passing them to whoever has their lighter out already. jisung, ryujin, and seungmin end up with them and they share with whoever they stand closest to. you share with jisung, ryujin shares with jeongin, and seungmin shares with chaeryeong.

as all three blunts are lit up and all six of you begin taking hits, the room slowly but surely fills with smoke.

-------

"ah! oh, oh my god!" you all gasp for your breath through laughter nearly an hour after you start smoking. jisung rolls around on the floor and usually you'd call him extra to joke around more, but now you're right there with him as everyone else clutches onto some sort furniture or something to keep themselves up.

"s-stop my stomach hurts!" chaeryeong cries out, still giggling through it all. jeongin tries to sit up in the principals chair, failing as he collapses in more laughter. seungmin sits across from him in a chair, one that students sit in when they come to visit the principal, the two of them enacting some sort of scene where jeongin imitates the principal.

usually you guys would all laugh at the joke and move on, but given that everyone is high as shit right now, it's been the joke you guys have been dying at for the last twenty minutes. all of you try to catch your breaths as your laughter starts dying down, everyone finally calming down.

"oh, fuck," ryujin gasps, suddenly sitting up in her spot and looking towards the door. you all look too, silent as you wait for her to say more. "i just heard footsteps!" she looks at all of you, eyes wide and ready to leave already. all of you must be paranoid or something, because not one of you questions her. instead you all jump into action, speaking in hushed voices as you all make sure you have everything.

when everyone thinks they have all of their stuff, you all gather by one window and wait for chaeryeong to get it open. the footsteps become louder and clearer as she picks the lock, cursing out loud at the fact that your school had to make sure it couldn't be opened without a key even inside. once she hears the locks shift she pulls the bobby pins out, sliding the window open quickly.

"shit, everyone go!" seungmin speaks as jeongin crawls through first, the two helping everyone get out and on the ground safely. but just as it's your turn, you realize what you're forgetting.

"oh god, my hoodie," you meet eyes with jisung, and he moves aside to let you rush to grab it, telling seungmin to go while he waits for you. bending over to snatch your sweater from it's spot on floor, you can hear the last couple of footsteps before the person stops. in front of the door. you come up as the lock begins to click, a key being inserted to unlock it.

"i swear, it stinks in here," you hear a voice. straightening back up, you clutch your sweater to your chest and slowly back up. it feels like you black out, your heart is pounding and you can't think of exactly what you should do. you don't hear it, but jisung is quietly calling for you to hurry up and climb out of the window already.

before you can process anything properly, you feel a hand grab you and drag you into the open door to the left, a small room full of filing cabinets which you guys were goofing around in not long ago. now jisung is pulling you into it, closing the door just as the other one swings open, the schools principal walking in.

"oh, shit," the principal groans, the door slamming. han still has you in his arms, his chest to your back and a hand over your mouth. your try to look back at him, but you can't turn around fully in his arms, so you just listen to the woman on the other side of the door swearing some more.

"god, those stupid kids must have been in here again! it smells like god damn marijuana and my window is wide open! that's just rude, if you ask me," she grumbles to someone, probably on the phone. "i should really drop by on weekends more often, try to catch them! i'm sure this hasn't been the only time and probably won't be the last... i find this out all because i forgot my ipod."

she must have put the phone on speaker, because as she goes through a drawer you can barely hear a girls voice respond to her. "stop, mom, if nothing is missing then it's fine! leave those high schoolers alone, already... and stop using an ipod you have a phone for that!"

you and jisung almost bust out laughing, his hand on your mouth keeping yours contained and one of your hands going to cover his. the principal tries arguing, but her daughter keeps telling her she's wrong in some way. as the fight continues, she leaves the office.

both of you take your hands from each other's faces, neither of you stepping away from each other as you wait. "think she'll come back?" you glance back at him, shaking your head slightly as his eyes stare into yours.

"probably not, she's lazy. i'm surprised she came back for her ipod," you pause for a moment, still looking up at him. you two struggle to look away from each other for a moment, your mind blurring as he licks his lips.

suddenly one of your phones starts ringing, the sound making you flinch away from him. both of you search for your phones in your pockets, pulling them out and seeing that it's your phone.

"hey, we just saw her car leaving! are you guys coming down or what?" chaeryeong's voice comes through the phone. you put her on speaker for jisung to hear, opening the door and walking back into the office.

"small problem with that..." you sigh as you see the window is closed. "she closed the window. and locked it," you try without success to push it open anyways, han coming to stand next to you as you both peer out of the window.

"well, shit. it wouldn't be a problem... if i didn't lose my bobby pins climbing out," your friend sighs. you can hear the others all yelling and groaning in the background, chaeryeong whining as they do. "i'm sorry, y/n and jisung! i'll have min drive us to go get some, we'll be back, don't move!" she hangs up after that, leaving you and jisung stuck in the office.

"no clue where we'd go, but okay," jisung sighs, running a hand through his hair.

you look over at him and can't seem to hold back the laughter bubbling in your chest, one hand over your face as your try harder. he looks down at you, confused but still smiling. "what?" he questions cutely.

"i don't even know," you gasp. "just... this is so funny for some reason," you realize suddenly that you're still high, nearly falling over as you lean against the window. he stares down at you, starting to find the humor in it as he watches you, and soon enough he finds it hard not to laugh too.

"i-i think we're still a little fucked up," jisung manages to get out, placing his hands on your shoulders, shaking you lightly as he continues laughing.

"no shit, sungie," you reach up to smush his cheeks with both of your hands, giggling even more at his face as you do. he takes your wrists and brings your hands away from his face, his laughter fading as he gazes down at you.

"i like when you call me that. it sounds better coming from your mouth than other people," his charming smile and deep voice nearly kill you. he chuckles a little when all you do is stare up at him, admiration and longing in your eyes.

"stop," you whine in embarrassment as he lets go of your wrists. you bring your hands up to feel your cheeks, your skin much warmer than usual as you blush.

"no way," he mumbles before letting one of his hands come to the back of your neck, pulling you towards him for a kiss. you gasp a little as his lips touch yours, the way his mouth moves over yours making your knees weak.

han's other hand goes to your lower back, tugging you against him. when he pulls back from the kiss, you look up at him, feeling happiness buzzing through you.

you don't think you've ever been this close to jisung, not like this. maybe standing together in a crowd, or sitting next to each other in a packed car. but never with his arms actually around you, with his face hardly centimeters away from yours. your heart pounds because of it.

"you know i've liked you for like, a while now, right?" he asks you softly, resting his forehead on yours. you're not sure what to say, you don't usually do well with talking about your feelings for someone, not to that person. you just lean forward to leave small kisses against the skin on his neck, hoping he'll get it from that.

he chuckles as your lips move against him. "i know you've liked me too. jeonginnie has a big mouth." you move back with a pout.

"what?! how long have you known..." you whine, bringing your arms around him and nuzzling your head in his chest. his chest vibrates with his small laugh, teasingly pinching at your hips.

"not too long... a week or so..." you're able to hear his grin in his voice, your heart swelling as his hands begin moving up and down your back. "i just was too scared to bring it up until now, i guess," he brings two fingers under your chin, making you look up at him again. "i have no clue why, now i wish i kissed you a lot sooner."

you feel yourself melt as he gazed down at you, eyes closing as he moves to catch your lips on his again. as his tongue slips into your mouth, he steps backwards, not letting your mouths disconnect as he moves towards the principals chair.

you two part for only a second as he sits down, guiding you onto his lap, you both giggle at each other giddyly. he doesn't hesitate to bring your lips back to his, smirking through the kiss. arms tightening around your waist, he hugs you close to him as you explore each other mouths.

after making out for a few minutes, he moves down to your neck, hands moving up and down your thighs and gripping your ass every so often. a choked moan slips from your lips as he sucks and nips at a spot near your collarbone, your teeth sinking into your lower lip to stop any more from coming out.

jisung leans back slightly, his expression smug and eyes hooded as he stares up at you. "did you just moan?" he asks, amused and letting his hands roam over your body.

"no," your face heats up and you pout a little. one of his eyebrows goes up, that cockiness still very evident in his grin. "shut up," you mumble, putting your head on his shoulder. you leave a small kiss where his neck and shoulder meet, your own grin growing slightly.

"i'm sure i could get you to moan, too, sung," you chuckle a little, one of your hands going to play with his waistband. you see his eyebrows go up, eyes wide as his breath catches.

"wha- ...here..?"

you hold back more laughter, leaning back and nodding before going to kiss his lips again. he eagerly kisses you back, one hand on your hips and the other tangled in your hair at the back of your head. as you kiss him you can feel him pulling you closer to him, your body already pressed against his, just trying to be as close to you as possible.

hands roaming his body, you can feel his hard chest under the soft material of his shirt. both of you smile as you make out, this moment long awaited for each of you. your hands go under his shirt, cold fingers making him shiver and dig his own fingers into your hips. you hum quietly as he moves to leave hickies on your neck and collarbone, his hands tugging lightly at your shorts.

he pushes you back from him gently, gazing up at you with a smirk. "stand up, baby," he speaks huskily. you obey him without second thought, standing in front of him and letting him pull your shorts down. his lower lip goes between his teeth as he eyes you, hands slowly coming up to slip under your top, removing that next.

only in your bra and underwear now, you go to your knees and start unbuttoning his black jeans. you look up at him through your lashes, smiling innocently as he watches you tug his pants off, hips lifting slightly to help you.

his head falls back and he tries to hold back a throaty moan, failing terribly, when you bring one of your hands to rub him over his boxers. in no time he's panting and fully hard under your hand, so you take his cock out of his boxers and give him a mischievous look before licking a long stripe from his base to his tip.

he lets out a loud moan as you wrap your lips around his head, sucking and swirling your tongue. "ah, shit..." he swears breathlessly. "get the fuck up here already," he growls, pulling you back up on to his lap and roughly attaching his lips to yours.

one hand tangled in your hair, the other travels up your thigh to your panties, thumb finding your clit immediately. you moan into his mouth as he rubs circles over the material, the friction from the lace only adding to the sensation.

two of his fingers go to push your underwear to the side, rubbing up and down your folds to feel how wet you already are. you almost have to pull back from the kiss when he pushes a finger inside you, but his hand at the back of your head keeps you in place, his tongue still in your mouth.

after pumping in and out of you for a moment he adds one more finger, this time letting you pull away to whine and put your head on his shoulder, chuckling as you do. "what, babygirl? what's the matter," he coos, his tone smug and proud under the fake concern.

"fuck jisung, please," you breathe.

"please what, sweetheart," he speaks monotonously, forcing you to look at him, one hand on your neck. he doesn't apply any pressure, but even just the feeling of his hand on your throat is almost enough to make you moan again.

"please fuck me already."

he grins up at you, taking his finger from inside you and lifting your hips to line his dick with your entrance. his nails dig into your skin as he pulls you down onto him, both of you moaning loudly as he fills you completely.

he gives you a second to adjust, your head buried in his neck, before slowly dragging your hips against his. panting, he lets his head rest on your shoulder, eyes closed and still holding onto your hips tightly.

you moan and whine as you feel him moving inside you, hitting all the right spots. he lifts his head to look at you, leaving a kiss on your jaw as he brings one hand to unclip your bra, shocking you that he can even do it with one hand. you don't time have to react though, jisung smashing his lips to yours and his hands moving over your body, stopping to massage your boobs as you ride him.

pleasure washes over your body, making it hard for you to keep up a decent pace. he smiles as you still try, eventually wrapping his arms around you and standing up, setting you down on the desk instead.

his lips touch yours as he starts thrusting into you, slowly building up his pace until you're clinging onto him tightly as he snaps his hips against your quickly, moaning into his shoulder.

"oh, fuck," he groans. "i can't believe you're letting me fuck you at school," his voice is breathy as he continues pounding into you quickly. "right here on the principals desk... what a little slut," he smirks, pulling you by the hair to force you to look at him.

you whine as his eyes burn into you, one thumb moving to rub at your clit. "only for me though, isn't that right, baby? you'll only be my little slut from now on, huh?" you nod and moan pathetically, eyes closing as he keeps a firm grip on your hair.

"keep your fucking eyes open," he mutters, his hand going from your hair to your neck. this time he tightens his fingers around your throat lightly, you forcing your eyes open as he does. he lets out a throaty moan when you clench around him, already feel your high approaching quickly.

"you're gonna cum already, aren't you?" he chuckles as you try to get out a 'yes', the hand on your heat goes to pull one of your legs around his waist, making you cry out loudly as he hits a new, deeper spot inside you.

he grunts while pounding into you, doubting he'll last much longer either as you keep tightening around his cock. his hand tightens even more, his lip between his teeth as he watches your face, your eyes struggling to stay open as the knot in your core builds and builds.

"ji, i-" you just barely manage to get out, cut off by your orgasm when you feel him hit your spot once more. he groans and curses as you cum around him, quickly pulling out and pumping himself a few times until he releases as well.

his cum lands on your thighs and the desk underneath you, both of you out of breath as he loosens his grip on your throat. you lick your lips and glance down at his white seed on the dark-colored wood. giggling lightly, your eyes going back to jisung to see him smiling affectionately down at you.

"here," he reaches for the box of tissues on the other side of the desk, taking a few and wiping your legs and the desk clean before throwing them away. next, he hands you your clothes off of the floor and gathers his own, pulling his jeans and shirt back on as you start getting dressed again too.

once you're both fully dressed again, he pulls you into his arms for a warm hug. he sighs happily hearing your soft laughter, slightly muffled by his shirt.

"please say i can tell everyone that you're my girlfriend now," he mumbles, cheek smushed against your hair. you take a step back, beaming at him as you nod slightly.

"please do."

his face lights up and he can feel his heart flutter, grinning happily down at you. one of his hands comes up to your cheek, caressing your facing gently as he leans down to leave a sweet kiss on your lips.

you feel as if you're glowing as your mouths move against each other, the only thing you're able to pay attention to is jisung. which is why you hardly notice as the door to the office swings open, chaeryeong knealing on the carpet and everyone else huddled together behind her.

"oh, shit!" you hear seungmin exclaim loudly, making you and han flinch apart, seeing them all standing there in shock. there's a long pause where you all just look at each other, no one knowing what to say.

"well, fuck," ryujin speaks up first. "finally!" everyone nods and mutters in agreement, you just rolling your eyes as the boy next to you laughs lightly, putting an arm around you and guiding you out of the office.

"k, guys, let's go," jisung chuckles, walking past your friends and down the hall towards the school exit.

[bnha-goodness]

Hello 0-0 I’m really sorry to bother you but can you maybe write a scenario with shinsou where their usually carefree and calm s/o seems emotianly tired and sad so they confront her and learn that her toxic best friend is treating her badly? With some tears please! Comfort and angst??? Thank you!! I love your blog, keep up the good work!!!!!

Thank you!! I’m so so sorry this took so long :’(((

I was listening to “Sweater Weather” by The Neighbourhood, it felt like it fit this really well!

There was something about you that always stood out to him. Not just one thing though. So so many things. Pretty much everything. You handled things with such poise, like when you were pitted against 1A’s hothead during the sports festival, you looked him in the eye and didn’t back down. What blew him away was when you lost, you took a deep breath and squared your shoulders as you struggled to stand back up, you looked at the audience and smiled regardless. You took the loss with grace but it didn’t keep you from pushing to be better. Every time Shinshou walked up to you, the joy in your eyes was genuine, the smile that pulled your lips was contagious, the laughter that would escape would always cause a thunderstorm of butterflies in his stomach. 

Which is why when he finally gathered the courage to finally ask you out, his hands were sweating so much that he stuffed them into his pockets, his heart threatened to burst in his throat, his eyes felt hot like he downed gallons of straight caffeine, his muscles felt like lead as he walked towards you but the ache in his chest begged him to do something, anything, to get you by his side. He was about to open the door to the classroom when he heard another student’s voice and hushed sniffles, Shinsou’s blood ran hot. Right as he was about to rip the door off its hinges and give whoever it was a piece of his mind, it slid open and there you stood. The rims of your eyes and the tip of your nose red, with a few tears still clinging to your eyelashes.

“Oh! Shinsou!” You gasped, wiping your eyes quickly with the sleeve of your jacket, despite the crumpled paper in your hand and the still drying trail of tears, your smile reached your eyes and your affection bled heavily through your words, even if it was just two.

“I, uh, I wanted to see if you wanted to go out sometime but I think this might be a bad time.” His hand rubbed the back of his neck and he cast his gaze off to the side and at the floor, almost expecting you to throw his offer back in his face, furious for not being able to read the situation. Shinsou’s eyes shot back up at you when he heard another sniffle, his heart went from a drum beat to entire orchestra when he saw the blush on your cheeks and the smile that threatened to split your face in two,

“I’d love to.” You said with a hiccup. You were the image of grace and calm in the face of adversity, and he admired the hell out of you for it.

So when you withdrew into yourself, he noticed immediately and it hit him like a bucket of ice water. Your stride no longer carried an air of self-assuredness, but a whisper of uncertainty. Your smile didn’t crinkle your nose the way it always does, now it barely reached your eyes. You didn’t sit upright anymore, instead your shoulders slumped forward as if the weight of the world sat on them, threatening to bring you to your knees. 

The two of you were sitting on a park bench, the sun was starting to set, the cold bite of winter was just around the corner. He dragged you out of your dorms, away from the prying eyes of your classmates and away from your best friend, just the two of you. You sat looking down at your hands, the tips of your fingers changing color from the cold that crept through.

“What’s been going on with you?” He asked as he looked up at the sky,

“I don’t know what you mean.” 

“Don’t lie. Not to me.” He sighed,

“It’s better this way don’t you think? I’m better this way.” You mumbled,

“If you’re gonna talk, I recommend you speak up.”

“No one likes people who get emotionally invested quickly, no one likes people who are clingy, no one likes-” Your voice cracked as you balled your hands into tight fists, “no one likes losers or failures, and I’m all of those things.” Shinsou’s eyes were wide as he turned to face you, 

“Says who?”

“My best fr-”

“If you so much as finish that sentence, I’ll personally march over there and make them eat a shit sandwich.” At least it pulled a weak chuckle from your chest,

“You’re none of those things. Sweetheart, you’re one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met.” Both his hands cupped your cheeks as he leaned in, resting his forehead against yours. Your cold fingers laced with his tightly as the tears poured from your eyes, 

“Fuck what they say, what they say doesn’t matter because they’re wrong anyway. Yeah, you lost to Bakugo , but you stood back up on your own god damn feet and you dared that crowd to feel bad for you. You smiled when I knew for a fact it hurt you deeply. That’s not being a loser, that’s garnering respect.” His voice threatened to crack, as his heart weighed so fucking heavy in his chest. But you needed him, and damn it he was going to be here for you. He swallowed hard and continued,

“I’ve never seen anyone like you, babe. You’re everything I aspire to be, you’re dealt a shitty hand but you turn it around and you force it to work for you. That’s something some pros can only dream of.” He kissed the tip of your nose and then your lips, where you let out a sob and threw your arms around his neck, 

“I love you and you’re fucking amazing.” He held your head in the crook of his neck, “I also think you need better friends.” You couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled and shattered the anguish, “I recommend sticking around Midoriya, he’s always nice to you even if you don’t want him to be.”

Shinsou loves your calm and graceful presence, but more than anything, more than the world, he loves you.

[j0elmill3r]

Somebody Else

Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings; Swearing, FUCKING ANGST, yelling, break ups, Endgame!Steve [ew], real sad shit, Steve being a dick, Bucky being a real nice guy :)

word count; 2k

A/N; Usually, I don’t write this kind of thing but one of my moots needed some angst and who am I to deny someone some good old angst?

You could tell that when he got back, he would never stay with you. After seeing the real love of his life, you knew he would never be satisfied with you, and that was implying he ever was in the first place. You wished you could go back and listen to what your friends said, but you couldn’t, you were so head over heels for Captain America, you left everything and everyone behind for him, you were so naive. But there was still part of you that wished that Steve would come to his senses and realized that you loved him as much as Peggy ever could, and that once the nightmare was over, you could live the life you always wanted and give Steve all he ever wanted.

-

“And what do you plan on telling Y/N, your currently alive girlfriend?” You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, honest to God, you didn’t. But your name had been mentioned and you couldn’t help yourself. Your interest peaked when Bucky mentioned Steve telling you something. “You’re not seriously going to do this to her, are you?” Bucky asked Steve, who sighed and shook his head.

“When I saw her, Buck, I knew I had to go back. Hell, you could come with me,” Steve said, completely ignoring what Bucky was saying. “Look, Y/N, she’s beautiful and all, really, any guy would be happy to have her, but she’s not Peggy,” Steve continued. Your heart panged as Steve used your insecurities as an excuse to go back and leave you. Sighing and slumping your shoulders, you walked away from the room where Steve and Bucky were. 

“I cannot fucking believe you, Steve. You said you loved her,” Bucky said angrily. “And to do this to her, after she went to Peggy’s funeral with you. You better think of something to tell her, otherwise I’ll tell her,” Bucky grabbed his jacket and walked past Steve without so much as a goodbye, he was angry- no, infuriated. You didn’t deserve this, hell, no one did. As Bucky walked outside of the lake house, he saw you sitting on the steps, looking out into the water.

“Hey,” You said quietly as you looked behind you. “How are you doing?” It hurt you to act as if everything was okay, when everything was far from it. Bucky sighed as he sat down next to you.

“What did you hear?” He asked you. You turned to look at him as if he was crazy, raising your eyebrows.

“What do you mean?” You retorted. Bucky chuckled and shook his head.

“I’m not stupid, Y/N, I know you heard what me and Steve were talking about. So, I’ll ask again, what did you hear?” You sighed and ignored the tears burning in your eyes.

“Enough to know I’ll be single and broken hearted by tomorrow,” You said sadly. “I knew it was coming, but I guess I didn’t want to accept it,” 

“You can try to change his mind,” Bucky tried to cheer you up, but all he got from you was a dry and bitter laugh, one that was filled with pain.

“There’s no changing his mind, Bucky. You heard him, when he saw her, he had to go back for her,” You reminded the brunette super-soldier. “Was he going to tell me?” You asked him. You weren’t scared of much, but the answer to your question was one of the things that had you scared. Bucky couldn’t bear to look at your tear filled eyes.

“No, I don’t think so,” He admitted. You swallowed and nodded, feeling a deep pit grow in your stomach you could feel your heart falling into and shattering into a billion tiny pieces at the dark pit that was thousands of feet down. Bucky’s heart broke when he heard you let out a small sob, which you quickly tried to play off. “Do you need a minute?” Bucky asked. You nodded.

--

The small apartment you and Steve shared together felt different as you walked into it, maybe because you knew in the space of a few hours it would no longer be yours and Steve’s, but only yours. Steve was upstairs getting into bed while you had been out just walking and trying not to think about how you would deal with the loss of your boyfriend. 

“Y/N, is that you?!” Steve called from the shared bedroom. Looking up to where he was standing, you smiled sadly, but then made it happy, you couldn’t let him know that you knew, not yet. “You’re uncharacteristically quiet, Doll, what’s wrong?” He asked you, full of concern. It hurt, if he was so concerned, he wouldn’t be leaving. You walked up the stairs and wrapped your arms around Steve, kissing him in the process.

“Nothing, it’s just been a long couple of days. But, I need to ask you something,” You told him. Steve nodded and walked back to the bedroom, sitting on the bed and letting you get changed into your pyjamas, which was one of Steve’s old shirts. 

“What do you wanna talk about, doll?” He asked. You swallowed the lump growing in your throat and sighed, also ignoring the burning in your eyes.

“Have I done something wrong?! You asked him. Steve furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“No, why do you ask?” He countered. You sighed in exasperation.

“Then why are you leaving?” He was frozen. His face was the textbook definition of a deer caught in headlights.

“Y/N-”

“No. Don’t you fucking dare, Steve. When were you going to tell me? Or was I just supposed to never see you again?” You said angrily.

“Y/N, please, calm down and we can talk about this like adults,” Steve said. You laughed in his face at how ridiculous he was being, if he could only hear himself.

“Fuck off, Steve, I am not going to talk about this calmly. I just wanna know why, alright?” You asked him. 

“You know why, Y/N, this is Peggy,” Steve said.

“And this is us! I don’t know if you remember, Steve, but she’s dead! I went to her funeral with you 7 years ago and I remember you said after that I was the one you love,” You cried. Steve shook his head and scoffed.

“This is us? Y/N, there is no us, not any more. I didn’t want you to find out the way you did,” He said.

“You didn’t want me to find out, and that’s my problem. I dropped everything for you, I left behind my family and friends because I loved you so damn much, Steve. So much that when I heard you say what you said to Bucky, it felt like I was being stabbed with a hot knife through the heart by you yourself,” You ranted. “Why did you say that? And as an excuse to leave, Steve, really?” 

“Because it’s true, Y/N. You weren’t Peggy then, you aren’t Peggy now, and you won’t ever be Peggy,” He said calmly, but you could hear the venom in his voice.

“Did you ever mean anything you said?” You asked him quietly. It was another one of those questions that you feared, but already knew the answer to.

“No,” He looked up at you. “No, Y/N, I didn’t. And I’m sorry that I lead you on,”

“When did you stop loving me?” You tried your hardest to sound confident and like you weren’t breaking down completely inside, but it came out broken and defeated. 

“About 3 months ago,” He didn’t look at you, he knew what he had done, but he somehow couldn’t find it in him to feel sorry for what he did to you. All he knew was that he could go on with how his life was meant to go without having to worry about you.

“You’re not really sorry, Steve. I know you, and right now, God, I wish I didn’t. And what makes it worse, is the fact that if you came to me tomorrow and said that you changed your mind and realized that you were over Peggy, I would let you in. I would let you in quicker than ever, but I know that if it were vice versa, you wouldn’t,” You said dejectedly. “You can sleep here, I’ll go back to Bucky’s,” You pulled on a pair of shorts and grabbed your purse and phone. He said nothing as you went to leave.

“Wait, Y/N,” He called out. As you turned back to face him, you hoped that it would be to tell you that he was playing one sick joke on you and that he didn’t mean anything, and that he truly loved you. “Thank you,” “What for?” 

“Making me realize I never fell out of love with Peggy,” 

Your heart hit the bottom of that pit.

-

The night prior when you showed up outside of where Bucky was staying, he was more than concerned to see you standing there, tears streaming down your face and wearing only a t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts that were definitely a size too small for you. You explained everything to Bucky, throughout the tears you shed, he managed to make out most of what you said. Bucky was enraged at Steve, even more so than he already was. You stayed the night with Bucky, since you had passed out on the couch on his lap and he didn’t have the heart to move you, he also slept on the couch. He had convinced you to come with him and Sam to see Steve off.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back,” Steve warned Bucky. You knew of the joke, Bucky and Steve had told you about it at one of Tony’s parties, God, how you missed your billionaire best friend. Nat, too. She was the one who urged Steve to ask you out, you wished you had told her to leave it alone and there was nothing there, because now you knew there wasn’t.

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you,” Bucky said. The pair hugged. “Gonna miss you pal,” Bucky told Steve, who didn’t say anything else. That pissed you off, he was Bucky’s best friend, how could he not say anything? Steve looked at you, and for a second, you could have sworn you saw guilt in his eyes. But quickly, he looked away from you and said nothing, not even a murmur of a goodbye. You closed your eyes, and when you opened them, Steve was gone.  Your heart hadn’t smashed when it hit the bottom of the pit, no, it just lay there, a small crack that over the period of about 12 hours had been growing and now, had smashed into millions, no longer thousands of pieces. Bucky took your hand in his flesh one, giving it a squeeze and mouthing a quick ‘are you okay’, to which you shook your head at, you were far from okay. Bucky saw that Sam and Bruce were bickering with each other, and led you away from what was happening.

“Bucky, I know I shouldn’t, but I still love him. And-and I don’t know if I can stop,” You cried. Bucky sat on the bench beside you and felt his heart break for you once again. 

“I know you love him, Y/N. And it’s going to be hard, but you have to get over him. Otherwise any time you think of him, it’s just going to hurt, plain and simple,” He told you. Taking a deep breath, you tried to nod, but it never came.

“It hurts, so fucking much,” Bucky nodded.

“I don’t wanna imagine how bad it does, doll, but it’s gonna get better. I promise, it does,” He assured you. “You can stay with me and Sam, if you want,” He offered. You looked up at him and smiled.

“Yeah, okay,” You agreed. Sam walked back over, a round bag in his hands. You knew Steve had gone through with it. Sam smiled at you apologetically, a smile that you returned. All you had to do now was pick up the pieces of your heart.

--

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[zankivich]

Can’t Help Falling in Love with You: Werewolf!Shawn x Black Reader: In My Blood Universe

a/n: hiya. This is a companion piece to In My Blood which you can read HERE if you haven’t yet.  I really loved those characters and Shawn was MADE to write werewolf AUs for, and MADE for to write fall AUs for. I wrote this one day when I was really sad that I couldn’t go the apple orchard this year. She (the story) makes me feel warm and soft. I hope you like. K bye. 

*Shawn’s point of view*

Fall is her favorite season. Which means that fall quickly becomes his favorite season. And not out of blind allegiance to his mate either, but because she became actually the cutest human being in the world more than usual in the fall. It was the cozy sweaters, the leggings that were so soft and melded to the curve of her thighs with ease, the scarves that she made with her own two hands. How was he not meant to fall even deeper in love with her in the fall? It was ridiculous.

He’s sitting on the living room couch with Brian and Zeubin discussing parameter checks for the week when she plops down on one of the chairs and lets loose a dramatic sigh for the whole room to hear. He pauses and stares at her, a grin forming on his lips, but ultimately keeps speaking. When y/n doesn’t get the attention of her mate immediately she decides to plop more aggressively against her chair and sigh louder. You know, like an adult?

“Darling, is something bothering you?” He asked, pausing his conversation.

She peered over at him with what he liked to call her bambi eyes. They were as effective as they were ridiculous.

“Me? Oh nothing.” She hummed.

“You sure?”

“Oh I’m sure!”

The problem with the fact that she was lying was that once he thought about the fact that she clearly wanted something, he couldn’t really think of anything else. It was the problem with being mated to someone. He was designed to serve her. It was his moral compass of sorts. Making sure that she was happy and taken care of and satisfied. So, despite the fact that he had actual shit to do, it would all have to wait. The love of his life needed something after all.

“We’ll finish this later.” He muttered already getting up to head over to her.

“Annnnnd conversation over.” Brian chuckled.

She was in his Harvard sweatshirt and a pair of shorts so when his fingers tugged at her legs to make room for him to squish into the small space, he can marvel a little at the feel of her thighs. It helps that she immediately falls into him, throwing her legs over his lap, and her arms around his neck.

“Baby,” He cooed softly into her ear. “why don’t you just tell me what’s wrong? Maybe I can fix it.”

“Apples.” She mumbled.

“I’m sorry?”

“I want apples.”

Needless to say he was a little confused.

“Oh...well I think we might have one in the kitchen, love? Is that all you were upset about?”

She rolled her eyes and cupped his cheeks in her hands. She was really beautiful. And a little scary. HIs favorite combination of hers.

“I don’t want those sad ass apples, Shawn. I want them straight from the tree. I wanna go to an apple orchard! But your sad ass town doesn’t have one of them. I already looked.” She whined.

“Awww. Babe, I’m sorry. You’d know I move us closer to one if I could.”

He rubbed gently at her back beneath her--his--sweatshirt as he worked to console his mate.

Her eyes widened. “Wait can we do that?”

“Do what?”

“Move!”

He chuckled softly. “Not quite, sweetheart. It’s kinda hard to protect the town, if I don’t live in it.”

She sighed and nestled her head against his shoulder, her fingers hidden in the sleeves of his sweater. The frustration and sadness on her was difficult for him to swallow. He hated seeing her so down, and he hated more than anything that he couldn’t do anything about it. It might be as simple as an apple, but his heart didn’t know that. All his heart knew was that she was sad, and that everything in him wanted that not to be the case. And so he would fix it. Because her heart desired it.

***

*Y/n’s point of view*

You loved the house in the fall. Shawn’s land was all hidden, a forest of greenery and trees, so when they all began to turn it was the most beautiful array of colors that one had ever seen. On the weekends, you loved nothing more than curling up in the living room with all the windows and knitting while Shawn played guitar. Your home, though only a few miles away from the pack house felt sacred, felt like your own space, and Shawn did everything to keep it that way. All pack and general wolfy business was there. When he came home, he was yours and no one else's. The way you liked it.

He’d gotten out of bed that morning far too early for you. One moment he was wrapped around you, arms warm and solid and firm. The next moment the bastard was letting you go. Rude.

“No.” You whined rolling over to snuggled deeper into his chest. “Mine.”

He chuckled softly. “Your’s, aye? I’m no longer a person?”

“You can be a person all you want.” You mumbled, eyes still closed. “Just as long as you stay in bed while you do it.”

You felt his lips begin to press along your hairline where your skin and bonnet met. He dipped down to your neck and nibbled slightly at the skin. Just enough to piss you off.

“I need to go to the main house to check on things, love. I’ll be back. You know that.” He whispered.

You opened your eyes finally to see him looking at you. Gentle and smirking and sexy as all hell. It was ridiculous.

“I want you here.” You argued. “In bed. With me. Holding me. Don’t I deserve that?”

He nodded. “You do. You deserve the world. Which is why as soon as I’m done checking to make sure everything is okay, I’m going to come back here and make you breakfast.”

You rolled your eyes. “Shawn your breakfast sandwiches are not going to stop me from being annoyed this time.”

“No?” He asked softly. “Not even if I took you on an adventure afterwards?”

You raised an eyebrow.

“An adventure?”

“An adventure. But...you know, if you’ll still be angry with me, I could always call and cancel. Let me just--”

He went to grab his phone off the nightstand and you immediately tackled him back down into the bed. Shawn’s alpha-ness had nothing on the power of you being his mate. He fell to you immediately. And then of course quickly rolled you over to show who was still in power. At least in his mind.

“Okay, okay! Go be an alpha or whatever. And then come back. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He grinned. “I love it when you get all dominant on me. Now get that ass over here and kiss me good morning.”

Mmmm. Love.

So, while Shawn was off doing his job, you took the liberty to slide into one of his sweaters and went about making breakfast yourself. Just because home boy worked at a coffee shop didn’t mean you couldn’t throw down too. By the time Shawn came back you were pulling bacon out of the oven and toasting your english muffins for some eggs benedict. When his arms wrapped around you, it felt like home. Like you never wanted to be anywhere else. And that was how you knew he was everything.

“Did you miss me?” He hummed moving your curls out of the way to best kiss your cheek.

You shrugged. “Little bit.”

“Little bit, aye? I missed you a lot-a-bit.”

“Yea?”

“Mhm.”

“Well then I guess I missed you too maybe.” You smiled.

“Yea, alright. Come here already.”

He kissed you silly against the kitchen counter until your english muffins burned and you had to remake them. It was worth it.

If fall was your favorite season then your favorite part of fall was the shift in Shawns’ wardrobe. Nothing made you more soft and happy than that man in a big ole sweater and tight skinny jeans. He was the epitome of warmth and softness and it just gave you everything that you needed. Despite him running 102 degrees on a cold day, he continued to implement the sweaters into his wardrobe for your own benefit, and that ladies and gentlemen is why you loved him so much.

“What are you smiling at so hard over there?” He chuckled, sliding his watch onto his wrist.

There was nothing you could do or say but to run up to him and hide your face in his sweater. When his arms wrapped around you, it was all comfort. You wondered endlessly where this man had been your entire life. It was so rude to only discover him now.

“I love you so much.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to your head.

You smiled up at him, head tucked beneath his chin.

“Me too. So much.”

A ride in Shawn’s jeep was always a good way to spend the day. The rain today was more of a mist than a downpour which meant it surrounded the car on all sides cozily as he sped through the streets. You quickly passed through all of the houses and stores in town before heading out of the limits and towards the city. You peered out the window in interest, with zero idea where your mate might be taking you. Things got more confusing when instead of heading for the exit that would take you to the city, Shawn kept going farther and farther away from anything that might look like an adventure. Needless to say you were a bit confused.

“Babe, where are you taking me?” You asked peering around as the trees turned to fields of corn and grass.

“It’s a surprise, honey. Be patient.”

Patience. Not in a Black woman’s DNA.

Another thirty minutes go by. And then another fifteen. At this point your knee is bouncing in anticipation. The rain had stopped, leaving behind soft, muted grey clouds. You were just about to ask your boyfriend again where exactly the hell you were going, when finally a glimpse of life appeared. A sign. But not just any sign. A sign with a big ass apple on it.

You reach out involuntarily and grabbed his arm with all your might and shook.

“No you fucking didn’t!”

He laughed. “Surprise, sweetheart.”

“H--How! How did you find it?”

“Just took a little digging. You’re right that there’s not one in town, and there’s not on in the city. But two cities over we have: Peggy’s Orchard. You happy?”

“Yes! Yes! This is the best thing anyone has ever done for me! Let’s go!”

Without the rain around you’re free to pick your apples in peace. You take time to pull them from the trees and eat and share with Shawn. He holds your hand and picks the apples from the top of the tree when you need him to, which is often because the best apples are always at the top of the tree. Children run around with their parents, playing games between the trees. It smells like fall and feels like fall. It’s everything you wanted and more. Cause he’s there. Which makes it infinite.

“I love seeing you happy.” He admitted quietly as you tucked another full bag of apples into the back of his jeep.

“Huh?”

You turned around only to find him standing right in front of you. He moved closer still, using his hips to press yours intimately against the back of the jeep. His hands joined your hips and you practically melted into him.

“You’re just so beautiful to me when you’re happy. I mean you’re beautiful to me always but...I just wanna make you happy for the rest of forever okay?”

You smiled and tucked your face into the warmth of his neck.

“I love you so much.” You mumbled taking a second to still yourself against him. “Ew. We’re so incredibly sappy.”

He reached to skim his fingers along the back of your neck. They were so warm that you shivered.

“It’s okay to be sappy every now and again, I think. As long as I’m with you.”

After apple picking, he takes you to this amazing little village that’s set up with different activities for kids and adults alike. There are caramel apples galore and apple cider and caramel popcorn. It’s everything you loved about fall and the person you loved most. He wrapped his arm around you as you walked and took pictures in the hay with you. It was clear that this day mattered a lot you, and knowing that Shawn cared enough to put the effort in meant a lot.

“Can we get the biggest pumpkin we can find?” You asked as you came across the pumpkin patch. “I’ve never been with someone with werewolf strength who could carry it to the car.”

Shawn laughed wide and bright and perfect. Ugh.

“‘Course we can, sweetheart. Whatever you want.”

It’s a cumbersome process. The perfect pumpkin doesn’t just reveal itself easily. You have to search for it. You have to rub your fingers across the curves of the pumpkin. You have to become one with the pumpkin. The wild part is that he’s right there beside you the entire time. He knocks against the side of the pumpkins listening for the hollowness that you described to him. He rolled them over in search of that weird green stuff that sometimes appeared. He was in it with you, and he didn’t rush you or get annoyed or angry. You were having fun and so was he. And it felt like one of the most special days you’d ever had. Just you and him.

When you find the pumpkin, it’s so beautiful you could cry. It’s so big you couldn’t lift it if you used every muscle in your body. It was tall and round with a nice long stem on the end. Shawn picked it up with ease and brought it back to the car with promises of carving it together. He was again maybe the most perfect thing in the world.

“What do you say we go get some cider and sit by the bonfire before we head home?” He murmured when the pumpkin was put away. “I don't want this day to end yet.”

You smiled so hard you could feel the stretch in your cheeks.

“Yes. Absolutely.”

The bonfire at the center of the village seemed to be the beacon for couples and families. As night overtook the tiny town seemingly in the middle of nowhere, a chill set it. Shawn had wrapped a blanket from his truck around your shoulders and doubled up with his own arm. You got to lean your head against his shoulder and drink apple cider while staring at the fiery embers. It felt like home. You never knew that you could crave someone’s physical proximity so much. That you could just enjoy the essence of another being in the way that Shawn’s seemed to bring endless comfort to you. Part of it was that you were mates, sure, but you had a feeling that without it you still would have been drawn to him. He was like the sun. Just endlessly warm and kind and giving. You seemed to take up his entire line of vision, as if you were all that mattered even if you were far from it. You wondered if he knew that he was all that you saw too.

“Hey.” You murmured head nuzzling deeper into his neck.

You pressed a kiss there and love the way you could feel his body react.

“I love you.”

His arm tightened around you tugging you closer until there wasn’t an ounce of space between you. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and placed his hand on your knee.

“I love you too, pup.”

You squirmed slightly in his hold. “I hate when you call me pup.”

“How come? I like it so much. You are my little pup.” He chuckled before sobering up. “You’re my mate, you know? My everything.”

You tilted your head up and he was already there staring at you with his eyes all big and warm and brown. It’s too much and he knows it, but you’ve always been helpless to stop him.

“Fine. Pup it is then.”

You turned to look back into the fire, the smoke and the heat swaddling you like a perfect cocoon. Shawn’s arms never left you.

“Hey. I--I have something for you.”

You pulled the blanket a little tighter around your shoulders and looked on as he stuffed his hand in his pocket.

“Shawn, I really think you’ve given me more than enough today. Seriously, today’s been perfect.” You assured him.

His oversized hand settled onto your knee, fingers curled loosely in a fist as he smiled.

“I know. Today has been perfect. But, that doesn’t mean I couldn’t make it a little better, right?”

“And just how could you possibly make this day any better?”

He unfurled his hand and stared down at your knee.

“What are you--”

You may have gasped and jumped back from him a bit. It probably wasn’t exactly the response he was looking for, but how else is one meant to respond to such a thing?

“It’s my mom’s.” He breathed softly holding the ring closer to you so that the light of the fire would make the diamonds light up. “My dad gave it to her. She uh she wanted me to have it once she found out we were mates. She wanted you to have it. I wanted you to have it.”

You bit your lip and sniffled as your eyes began to dampen.

“Is it...What’s it for?”

He smiled up you, his own eyes wet as well.

“Well it’s for you. If you want. And I--I would be for you, forever, if you want.” He mumbled before chuckling nervously. “We’d be married, basically. I’m asking you to marry me. I’m just doing a shitty job of it.”

“Yes.”

His eyes widened and he turned to you.

“Yea?”

“Yea! Are you kidding me? YES!”

You leapt into his arms and he caught you just as you were pressing your lips to his. You could taste the salt of tears and you couldn’t tell if they were yours or his, you just knew that it was the happiest you’d ever felt in your whole life. The people around you, having caught on to the tiny proposal, clapped and cheered, but even that was hard to recognize when the greatest person you’d ever known asked you to be his forever and ever. In the realm of mates, it meant so little, but in the realm of human beings it meant a lot. It was another example of Shawn meeting you where you were at, of making life as easy as humanly possible for you. It was more than you could ever ask for.

“I love you.” He mumbled still pressing his lips over and over again to your cheeks. “Can I take you home now?”

“Yes. Let’s go home.” You smiled.

And just like that you walked hand in hand towards the car, bonfire long forgotten. He only let go of your hand for the time that it took him to walk to his side of the car and get in. But then your fingers quickly intertwined again, the smooth metal of the ring touching his skin. You held hands the whole way home, the night caressing you on all sides except for the brightness of the moon. You had never felt more at home, more safe, more loved.

The end. 

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[latestageyouth]

When you walk away (Nothing more to say)

chapter 7 -  hey guys did you know mcr is back together?

trigger warnings: sympathetic Remus and Deceit, mentions of shoplifting, mentions of getting arrested, hangover, Remus makes a joke about rape (but not rape victims), mentions of a party, swearing (let me know if I missed something)

summary: Damon doesn't ask you to dinner he asks you to rob seven eleven with him uwu

Banging on the door woke Damon up, making him groan. He rubbed his eyes, barely following what Avery said as they opened it.

"Alright, bud, I have a day shift today, so I won't be home. You can order pizza when you get home, there's money on the fridge. Now get up, you're gonna be late for school," they didn't wait for Damon to process what they just said before walking out of the room and putting on their shoes.

Damon, although reluctantly, rolled out of bed and went to put some clothing on...oh, guess he fell asleep in his clothes already. When did he even fall asleep? When did he get home? God, his head hurts, don't tell him he's hungover again. He swears he didn't drink anything this time...right? Whatever, it's not like it matters. What matters now is finding some painkillers.

He stumbled into the kitchen, physically wincing at the bright light going in through the windows. He opened the cabinet where Avery put all the meds. Painkillers, painkillers...painkillers! It doesn't even sound like a real word anymore, but hey, he found them! That's an accomplishment.

Damon didn't even think about getting water, swallowing it dry. He looked at the clock, he still has time, it's fine. He shuffled back to his room, changing from his usual clothes to something that didn't reek of alcohol. He didn't want to give up his vest but he also didn't want to get suspended and add onto Avery's list of problems. He finally settled on his first patched jacket. Huh, it was still too big on him. It brought so many memories to wear it again. He didn't know to sew back then so he just pinned patches in place with safety pins, didn't even bother to sew them on when he actually learned to sew.

Forget all that, where is his phone? It's not in his pockets, so maybe somewhere in his room? Damon looked around the room...no sign of his phone, maybe the kitchen? he walked back to look. Nothing on the counters, nor the table. Damon looked around the house, searching even the bathroom, but found nothing. Don't tell him he left it at that house party, Avery will kill him.

Well, forget all that now, maybe Remus picked it up when he left. Was Remus even there with him? Who was he kidding, of course he was, Remus was always there when Damon needed him. Nevermind that, to get to Remus Damn needed to get to school first.

The bus ride was louder than normal, but that was most likely because of the hungover. Damon already knew this was gonna be a long day the moment he stepped out of the door, and it was not getting better. He paid no attention to the few people who did stare at him as he walked into the school, instead looking around for Remus...if he's not somewhere in the hallway he's probably in one of the bathrooms. Luckily Damon found him in the first bathroom he stepped in, writing profanities on the stall door, "Thought you were over that in Sophmore year."

Remus smirked, slowly turning his head to look at Damon, "Well, it's always fun to go back and ignore reali-holy shit man you look like shit."

Damon raised an eyebrow, "You think I haven't noticed?"

"Nah, it's just that right now I look better than you and that never happened in my life," Remus put the black marker in his pocket, "Did someone rape you or something?"

The hungover man furrowed his eyebrows, "You weren't at the party?"

"There was a party?"

Damon sighed, "Nevermind," he leaned against one of the sinks, "Guess you don't have my phone then?" he reached into a pocket of his jacket but found no cigarettes, he must've forgotten them in his vest. Damon mentally cursed himself out for it.

"Nope, you lost it?" Damon nodded, at which Remus laughed, "Ha, loser."

Damon put his head in his hands and groaned, "Everything is so bright and painful," he dug his nails into his forehead.

"Thought I was the one with a drinking problem," Remus went to sit beside him. Before he could say anything else the bell rang, at which Damon flinched and covered his ears. Remus pushed himself off, "Welp, I'll be off, you comin'?"

Damon waved his hand dismissively, "Just...give me a few minutes."

Remus nodded, "Fair enough, you foxy snake," he pushed the door open before he could get a reaction. He wouldn't admit it but he was kind of disappointed that Damon didn't notice his hair, but he did have it in a bun, so he could forgive him for it. To be honest, Remus wasn't even sure that he walked into the right class but Virgil waving at him made him sure enough. He went to sit next to him, "Why hello there, darling, didn't see you there."

Virgil rolled his eyes, 'Where's D?'

"Probably jerking off in a bathroom for all I know, why?"

'I found his phone near a trash can on a street.'

Remus raised his eyebrows, "This is like the fourth phone you found on a street since we met, I have no idea how you find phones so easily but I want you to teach me."

Virgil smiled and shrugged. Truth be told, the two didn't pay much attention even after the lesson started, instead passing notes to each other instead of signing to avoid any suspicion. Geography wasn't their strongest or favourite subject. All of the class and the teacher turned their heads when the door opened.

"Sorry I'm late, I was attacked by a bear."

The teacher which Remus still didn't know the name of crossed her arms, "Honest as always, Mr. Barnes. Take a seat."

Damon went to sit behind Remus and Virgil. Remus turned around to face him, "Virgil has your phone."

"Let me guess, found it on a street?" Virgil nodded as Damon took the phone back, examining it. The yellow case with snakes on it was still intact, but the screen..."Fuck, Avery's gonna kill me."

After a while, Virgil passes him a note, 'Who's Avery?'

"Oh, they're my parent. They didn't really want to be called mom or dad, and parent seemed too formal."

An exaggerated cough interrupted their conversation, "Gentlemen, do you mind?"

Before Damon and Virgil could stop him, Remus responded to her, "Yeah, mind ya' own business."

The teacher gave Remus a blank look, "Why am I even surprised? That's detention for you, Mr. Addington," she went back to teaching.

Damon lowered his voice, "Great job, idiot," Remus just shrugged. You would think Virgil would stay out of this, but no, of course not. He passed Remus a note:

'press F to pay respects'

Remus wrote back to him:

'like u have any respect fr me'

Needless to say, not much has changed since the teacher gave him detention, it wasn't like Remus cared anyway. The lesson went the same, with the three passing notes around too much to not be obvious, but no one really cared enough to tell the teacher. Finally, after when seemed like an eternity, the bell rang and Remus practically sprinted out of the door.

"Woah, what's the rush?"

Remus continued to speed walk with the two, "I realized halfway through the lesson that I left my spray cans in the bathroom and if someone finds them I will have a mental breakdown because those are my last."

The two soon given up on trying to keep up with Remus, settling on a walking pace in a direction where they thought Remus had gone.

'What's with the jacket?'

"Didn't want to smell like an alcoholic," Virgil physically scrunched up his face and took a step back. Damon rolled his eyes, "It's not like I smell now, right?" Virgil shook his head, then looked around, "What?"

Virgil looked back at Damon, 'Where's Remus?'

"Who knows where that chaotic bastard is, probably pestering Roman or something," Damon shrugged, "He'll find us eventually, why bother."

Virgil nodded in agreement, raising his eyebrows.

"By the way, what's with his hair?"

Virgil rolled his eyes dramatically, 'So you noticed. He's been sad about it all day.'

"Oh?" Damon raised he eyebrow an smirked, "Does he have a crush on me or something?"

'It's Remus, you never know,' Virgil shuffled on his feet.

Damon slowly nodded, "Yeah, I guess so..." he looked away for a second, staring at the line of lockers, before averting his gaze back at Virgil. Why was he nervous? He out of all people shouldn't be nervous, "Avery's not home today, wanna come over?"

Virgil tilted his head slightly, 'Why?'

The other man scoffed playfully, "I dunno, isn't that what friends do and stuff? I mean, I do have another idea, but..." he looked at Virgil again, meeting the agitating stare, "There's this convenience store a few blocks from here and I have some beef with the owner, want to steal something?" the stare quickly turned into a panicked one.

'Shoplifting?'

Damon nodded.

'...Isn't that more of a Remus thing?'

He looked away, "Yeah, but Remus isn't allowed in that store anymore after The Freezer Accident of 2016."

Virgil raised his eyebrows, unsure if he wants to know what that is. After a while of thinking, and considering what Emile would do if his "precious stormcloud" ended up in jail. Can you go to jail for shoplifting if you're underage? Most likely. Has Remus or Damon ever been in jail? Now he's just being irrational. Remus has probably been arrested though, no doubt. I mean, what's the worst that can happen, really, except Virgil being caught and getting arrested and maybe going to jail and spending his life behind bars because he was thirsty for some Pepsi. Virgil nodded, 'Won't Remus be jealous?'

"Most likely."

[whats-the-story-tc]

14th of February, 2020

“The One with the Long Way Home”

[THIS IS GONNA BE REALLY LONG, CUZ A  L O T  WENT DOWN, BUT THE ENDING IS REALLY GOOD. PROMISE.]

Another day, another flannel. And y’all know what’s funny? Yesterday, I said V has a shirt similar to what I wore. A day later, she puts it on. I hate her.

Physics first thing in the morning, and the teacher asked me to fetch some tests that we left in our classroom. As I went outside, and looked towards the teachers’ corridor, I spotted an oddly familiar wristwatch on an oddly familiar hand. I step back a little, so I can see the person in question better. Bingo, it’s V — and she was cutting paper. Blood froze in my veins as I walked away. I didn’t remember her promising us a test. Seconds later, I remembered that one of the younger boys I know from rehearsals told me they’re writing a test in V’s class, in second period. Thank God. 

English with V. Turns out, she did have some papers for us, too, but it was only classwork. Didn’t take a minute to recognise the metaphors in the exercise. Meanwhile, V took her dice out of her pocket, twirling the bag in her hands and fiddling with its strings. “Uh-oh...” I muttered. “I’m just playing with it, don’t be scared.” she told me, with the trademark half-smile.

Turns out, my solutions were all correct. Sometimes, I explained them to a confused Art Friend before V could, but she didn’t seem to mind much. I think she’s used to me not having much control over my words. She lets me speak. But when she did get into full-blown story mode, when Know-It-All asked her something... things got interesting. V, sitting on the edge of her desk, looked at him when she started speaking — then turned to me. As in, looked me directly in the eyes all the while she was explaining whatever she was explaining, for about half a minute or so. It wasn’t easy to keep eye contact, but I managed somehow. I’m getting better at it. When she finished, she looked back at him briefly, before walking back to the blackboard. I didn’t know what to make of it. I still don’t. It’s been two days since, and I get butterflies thinking about it.

V asked us if we could recognise what kind of stylistic thingamajig this one quote was. After thinking a lot, as I recognised it, I just couldn’t find the word, I blurted out: “Metonymy!” “Why?” V asked me. “Cuz that’s what first came to mind!” I surprised V to a grin, the rest of the class laughing as well. “I wish it worked like that.” she said.

But here’s the funny part. Know-It-All had no idea what hoarfrost meant (it was in one of the quotes), and thought it was a plant. The look on V’s face... if eyes could kill, he would’ve turned to ashes. The poor woman was shocked. She fully pulled out her phone, googled that shit, and walked up to him with the image search results on her screen. I think Incessant Questions Guy also asked to see it, and, though I don’t remember everything she said, she definitely called him “City Kid”. I was howling with laughter. 

Then I noticed. V types with only her right hand. The same way I do. I raised my hand immediately, and asked her “Sorry, off-topic question, but did I notice correctly that you type with only one hand, Miss?” I think she thought I was gonna call her out on it, because she said “Yeah. That’s what I got used to.” “Finally someone!” I answered. “I spent my whole life getting picked on for this!” She didn’t say anything, but someone else did. “Another similarity.” said Comparison Boy. Oh, the irony. Out of all people, it’s her having this in common with me. I think it would be easier to list our differences than what we have in common.

After V called Blonde Boy in the Back out on him doing fuck all in class, he didn’t take it very well. As we were waiting for our next class, I overheard him tell his friend “What’s going on with this [V]? She’s a dick, that one.” I had to physically remove myself from there so I didn’t say anything. Does discipline immediately mean someone is a dick these days? I’m afraid for my generation.

I don’t remember where my mood started going downhill. It must have been around homeroom, where things got pretty serious. Serious as in my stomach still sinks thinking about it. 

V’s presence in the next period made it slightly better, but didn’t solve things completely. “You know what’s funny?” she turned to me and Pocketwatch Friend, after I said that the other class should get their own loudspeakers (which, as V informed me, they did). “That [this one teacher] thinks yours is free property! [The one she was plugging in] is the other class’, as they took yours, then [another class] took it elsewhere, and then [that teacher] took it like it was free property!” Bless her soul, she was so riled up.

Now, because these loudspeakers were a little different, V had to choose a different spot to sit. That very spot was the other side of the desk in front of ours  — placing V in a way where she was facing me directly. Meaning I actually had to watch the film. As soon as Tatyana appeared with that extra ass hairdo, I said “Shame about that hair,” making V grin and repeat it immediately. And, when I pointed out that Tatyana is the only one wearing colour, my favourite absolute unit of a woman paused the film just talk about it, calling it a “good discovery”. I feel valid.

After class, I thought I’d be cute and help her out a little, and unplug the loudspeakers, as well as take them back to their original place, receiving a “many thanks” for it. As I told Pocketwatch Friend, whom I dragged with me, “I wouldn’t carry anyone else’s shit.” Not true, cuz I help everyone and their mothers cuz I can’t say no, but anyway. When I went back to our classroom, V was still there, giving the Onegin tests back to my classmates. Naturally, I went to check mine. “It’s always the names!” I said, looking at what I got wrong. “Always...” I heard quietly from the other side of the teachers’ desk. V wasn’t surprised. What did surprise her, however, that the actress playing Olga, Lena Headey, is the one playing Cersei in Game of Thrones. When Art Friend and I told her, she started grinning, all wide-eyed. “I didn’t even get that! You learn something new every day.” She was still grinning about it when she walked away.

After that, I started to think about graduation, totally randomly. What happens after. If V and I will stay in contact. How could I possibly ask her something like that. I kept spiralling into things, and took the longer way home, thinking more and more, until I pushed myself to the verge of tears for absolutely no reason at all. Honestly, though. I still don’t get why I did that. There wasn’t a reason. 

But let me tell you what there was this evening — a school dance. There is always one towards the end of winter. And once I finished training, I ventured into the crowd. The day couldn’t end with me crying alone at home and writing a sad post on it. I wouldn’t let it. And this is where Fate kicked in, as everything, that happened from then on, was a string of coincidences aligning a very particular way, too particular for it to be coincidences anymore.

I walked around in circles, eyes sharp, making small talk with a couple people along the way, looking for her, but not finding her anywhere. But... that couldn’t be. Every teacher was here, even the ones who never attend anything. There was no way she wasn’t somewhere among all these people. And as I made my way deeper into the crowd, I spotted a familiar shirt. She was sitting in the very front row. A judge. Every class has to present something, you see, as there’s a contest every year, judged by teacher. Well chosen, I thought to myself. V always sees everything.

But this also meant, that if I wanted to talk to her, I’d have to stay until everyone is done, with either a dance or a video. Am I seriously staying until I haven’t spoken to her? Maybe. Fuck it, I’ll do it. You only live once. - I texted to Pocketwatch Friend. Are you sure this is what you want? - she replied. And no, I wasn’t. No matter what was happening, my eyes were on V. The scoring paper in her hand, the pen in her mouth, the way her shirt collar was open, exposing the nape of her neck... unreachable, now physically, too. On the verge of crying, I waited for my Dad to stop talking to my coach so we could leave. I couldn’t take another minute of this.

Outside, I told Dad that I wanted to walk the long way ‘round home, because “today has been a lot” and “I want to think”. Then Dad posed me a good solution, so I wouldn’t be alone: “Why don’t you walk me home then?” As soon as he told me there was cake at theirs, I was sold. I hadn’t eaten in a while by then, and I would’ve needed some energy for crying anyways, so it definitely felt like a good solution. And it definitely was good cake, even though I nearly teared up at the dinner table about five times.

It’s time to get going, and Dad offered to accompany me until I’m about halfway home. And when he left, I got an idea. I couldn’t simply walk past school without being sad, so... why not go back inside? I could still wander around on the dark streets, listen to sad music and cry afterwards, if I wanted to. But, as I said before, I wasn’t about to let the day end like that. And as long as there was even just half a percent chance that there would be a happy ending to my night, I owed myself that chance to try. I’ve gone mad. - I texted Pocketwatch Friend on my way back. And even though she was trying to talk me out of it, I told her to tell me one reason why I shouldn’t, aside from the pain. It has hurt before. I could take it. But I knew that no matter what she said, she couldn’t talk me out of it. I was already at the corner of the building. I was going inside.

I walked up to the bridge, and ran into Art Friend. Thank God, someone I knew, someone I could talk to about what was wrong! And, of course, she wasn’t the only one there. There V was, just so my heart could hurt even more, stood at the railing, not looking up from her goddamn phone. Now that I saw her, I suddenly wasn’t so brave anymore. I didn’t want to bother her, so I chickened out of going up to her, even though Art Friend tried to talk me into it. I refused and refused until V walked away. Fantastic. I’m literally so fucking stupid

We kept talking for about ten minutes after that, Art Friend and I, both of us venting about our love-related woes to the other, and chatting with a few other people along the way. I didn’t know whether I should stay or go, I felt absolutely hopeless and confused at that point. Nothing made sense. After asking my poor friend about five times whether I should stay or go, I decided to stay. At least until she came back. And she did come back.

V and A walked down the stairs together, both of them joining the people standing at the railing as the band, comprised entirely of students, was setting up downstairs. Now’s my time, I thought, and went closer to where V was standing. One of the teachers, who used to be my homeroom teacher at about the dawn of time, noticed me standing behind her, and offered to swap places with me so I could see better, which would’ve put me even closer to V, who was, for your information, still on her goddamn phone. I politely refused, but she wouldn’t have it, and so, I wound up directly at the railing, my Art teacher next to me, V just slightly behind us. I think you can guess how nervous I was.

I ended up talking to my Art teacher, discussing some stuff in a couple sentences. Bless, she’s the best person to talk to when you’re nervous, as she’s a right laugh. And then. V came closer, bumping into the Art teacher’s feet as she did. The latter barely even noticed, even though V said sorry, so V tapped her shoulder to say sorry again. And there we were. The music started, V wound up between us, so now, she was standing directly next to me. Jesus bloody Christ. So much for a healthy blood pressure.

Listen, guys. We all know V is clever. She knew why I was still wearing my coat. She knew why I was standing there and she knew why I was so nervous and why I didn’t say a word to her. That might be why she decided to speak first. The music was loud, so she leaned closer and just told me “Look at those two stupid seniors in the corner,” referring to two boys dancing in this classical, wobble-your-shoulders kinda club dancing style. She even imitated it, making me laugh, but she was grinning too. Down by the stage, the people started a train dance, which V just commented as “Unbelievable,” still grinning. Meanwhile, I thought it unbelievable that I’m the one she started talking to when I haven’t seen her speak to anyone else all night.

“How were the performances from the first row?” I asked her, subtly referring to the fact that I saw her earlier. She leaned closer again, hand in front of her mouth like she was saying something confidential, and told me “To be honest, I was a little scared of the girls dancing hip-hop.” “Who, the younger kids?” I asked her, laughing. “No, no, the guests.” Yeah, I probably missed those. Anyway. “And how was our clip?” I continued. “I thought there were too few of you in it, but it was really well edited.” “Yeah, [Boy who filmed it] is talented at this. I was only in it, so I didn’t have to go to P.E.” And as the band started playing a new song, I told V “[They’re] really good.” “Yeah, I want to film them.”

And she did. Understandable, I think she teaches half of them, and they were really good. After that, there was silence. She pulled out her phone, and, as far as I’m concerned, she was texting, meanwhile I got a few words with A who was standing nearby, and took photos myself. I decided, that when the song ends, I’ll leave. I got way more than I hoped for, anyway.

“I think I’m gonna go now.” I turned to V, once we gave them the applause they deserved. “Alright.” “And you, Miss? Are you staying until the end?” “Well, I have to.” “And why is that?” Maybe this one I shouldn’t have said, as it was painfully fucking obvious. “I’m supervising.” “Oh. Well, then, have a good weekend.” “You too.” “And keep holding on.” “Thanks.” My Art Teacher waved to me, smiling, as I walked away, and I waved back. Yeah. There’s a bit of a difference between how I like her and how I love V.

I went downstairs to say goodbye to Art Friend, and, just before I left, I looked back up at V, who was smiling. I’m not certain anymore, and I don’t want to write misinformation, but in that very moment, I could’ve sworn she was looking at me.

I no longer needed to take the long way home, I went my usual way. Even so, I burst into tears, but those were of relief. I trusted my gut, went through with it, and my night ended really well. Then I spent the rest of that night and the next morning calling my friends and telling them in even more excruciating detail what happened between V and I. To be honest, it still doesn’t feel real.

See, I still don’t know if there even is a V and I to begin with. But something has definitely changed in the past weeks, I feel it. But I’ll leave this up to you to judge. All I know is that I’m over the moon. Good luck trying to get me off.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

[moodymurda]

shanemundi forever and ever

tw: mention of death

i knew i was going to want to come here for this but i kept putting it off.  thinking about this and everything else it makes me think about hurts so bad. i honestly don’t know where to fucking start. idk. I’m going to try.

so shanemundi. my fucking niggas. my fucking family. my babies. all that shit. shanemundi is what the fans of the shane show are called. (i write this shit like someone reads it, no one reads this shit. download the shane show app tho. they’re also on the podcasts shit if you have an iPhone.) i became aware of who shane was and then the show obviously like mid 2015 thru being subscribed to golf media and listening to golf radio on dash. (for some reason tho i didn’t realize that there was a whole ass community of fans and shit on twitter until 2016. i truly do not know how i had no clue fr. i deadass live on fucking twitter). but anyways, the shane show quickly became one of the most important things in my life. it became something that got me through the day. i’d listen to the live show and then re listen throughout the day whenever i felt like i needed to. even then tho, i don’t think i realized just how much that show was going to mean to me. I’m just thinking back to the headspace i was in in 2015, i would not be able to comprehend what the fuck happened. i wouldn’t believe this shit.

so anyways like i said, i realized there was a whole ass community of fans on twitter in 2016. i followed a couple people, i really wish i could remember who i followed first and all that. i know it happened around the time where everyone was taking over the shane show snap. i know my takeover was march 7th, 2016. It’s crazy that I was sitting last night and realizing i dead remember that day. like i rememberrrrr that shit, i remember what i did that day and how nervous i was when dc dm’d me the password for the snap bc i was 100% sure my snap takeover was bout to be weak as FUCK. anyways. I remember ru had quoted my tweet and said something along the lines of “i enjoyed your takeover” or something. i remember some of the replies people sent to my snaps and shit. and a couple people dm’d me bout some shit i was talking about on snap, saying they could relate and shit. anyway. I’m all over the fucking place. but recalling this shit is, fuck i don’t know. it’s just like we were innocently just encouraging each other while basically being fucking strangers. we just knew for sure that the shane show and OF were two things we had in common. fuck the fact that that shit is damn near the foundation for all this shit is fuccking crazy.

anyways. we have a twitter group chat for the show now. i am so assy at timelines bruh i can not remember how shit happened i just know what the fuck happened. other shit happened between there but imma make this shit short and sweet so I’m skipping to the twitter gc. i think it got started early 2017. i know it was after cfg 2016 had already happened. it was so that anyone could be in the chat and it wasn’t about like who’s s100 and who isn’t and shit (I’m not going into explanations about what the shane 100 is rn. i don’t have the time i got too many thoughts flowing rn and i gotta get these bitches out. I’m already bad with words and this shit probably don’t make sense already). anyways by this time i had already bonded with some people but honestly the bonds i had grew stronger after this chat was made and i gained some new ones. the chat is a fucking mess to say the least. i say that in the most loving way possible. so many disagreements have gone down in that bitch. full out arguments. so much shade (yassss honey i LIVE!!!!). but one thing you can’t question is how much we all love each other. i really grew to love everyone like family. like i was talking to my mom today about me graduating next yr & my grad party. deadass my main concern was who would be able to make it and how much i just want my friends to be there. I’m thinking about it and i’ve dead talked to these niggas damn near everyday. that shit is fucking crazy. i traveled alone for the first time and i did it with them. fuck. thats crazy thats fucking crazy.

but yea anyways. i guess i gotta get to what i’ve been avoiding now. so a lil while ago someone had added ru back to our chat. now that I’m thinking about it i don’t remember when he left or for what reason. everyone was like “where have you been” etc etc but he never responded. thinking back on it I’m wondering why i didn’t think anything of him not responding to us…. anyway. last night lost came in the chat and was like he hadn’t realized ru was “gone”. when he said gone my first thought was “fuck do you mean we just added him back to the chat”. and i checked to see that he was in fact in the chat. and then i looked at his twitter account and realized his last tweet was december 15th i think. then i started to reconsider exactly what lost meant by “gone”. like “fuck does he mean gone like gone gone” i don’t know bruh. i didn’t want to believe that he meant gone like.. ya know. and i don’t know. i didn’t reply to the chat when i saw it because i just.. i don’t know i don’t know i do not know. i can’t remember who asked what he meant. he sent an article though and the article had a video of a news report attached to it. which i put off watching because i felt like if i didn’t hear it then it wasn’t real. i watched my friends be like “wtf” “is this real” etc in the chat but i was just like nah this can not be for real right now.

i haven’t had to deal with the death of someone that i knew a whole lot yet. the first death of someone in my family that i actually knew and was close to was november 2016. that shit was rough as fuck for me because it was the first ya know. for some reason i thought that the next time i had to deal with it, maybe i wouldn’t take it as hard. boy was i fucking wrong. the thing about death that i guess I’m not understanding is that it’s final and that it kinda just creeps up on you. whatever all of our (meaning shanemundi) last encounters/conversations with ru were, we didn’t know that would be the last one. shit he didn’t know either. makes me wonder like what if, what if niggas knew ahead of time ya know? maybe we (as people. like society) would appreciate shit more. idk. anyway. one part thats super hard for me is that we found out damn near a month later. i guess thats the trouble with internet friends. the only way we know whats going on with each other is when we decide to get on our phones and post some shit. and truly i be checking for my internet friends on social media more than my local friends because they’re less accessible to me and I’m a mom friend at heart. i need to know how everyone is doing. (hi friends if you are reading this. i stalk all of you. like i be seeing all y’all’s tweets and snaps and shit. i love y’all okay. anyway)

ru was probably one of the most dedicated fans to the show. he had a whole ass meme account where he made meme’s related to episodes of the show. that was highkey something i looked forward to, seeing what meme’s he’d make. he was a fucking witness for the world record show. (s/o shane & vanger. they fucking killed that shit. also s/o all my other friends who were witnesses). he went to vanger’s games to support him like.. so much shit. fuck. I’m sure he made sure everyone around him knew about the show. he shit on my music opinions a lot to fuck with me. and he’d always tell me nas was better than jay (nas was his fav, jay is mine.. so you know how that goes) that shit used to be so funny. fuck man.

i feel like at this age a lot of us feel kind of invincible. i truly don’t realize that any day could be my last.. whats going to stop me ya know? i’m 20, i’ve barely gotten to live yet. I do what I’m supposed to, what could possibly go wrong? i didn’t realize that was my mindset until shane kind of said it on the show today. life truly is so precious and we don’t ever sit back and realize that. on top of that, we impact others lives so much with out even knowing it. the HARDEST part about this for me is not my own sadness but knowing that my friends are hurting. Seeing everyone reminiscing in the chat and on the timeline just makes me think did ru KNOW. did he know how much he meant to everyone? and do we realize how much we all mean to one another? There have been times where i’ve felt down & I didn’t bring it up to anyone because I’m not always up to talk about how i feel. But somehow one of them said something in the chat that inspired me, or simply made me laugh & realize whatever was wrong wasn’t THAT big of a deal.

i don’t entirely know what i’m trying to say here because i’m feeling so many things at once. what i do know is that we should all cherish our lives and make the most of it. we should also cherish and love one another because friends/family is all we’ve got. to this day it still amazes me that the shane show brought all of us together. i gained close ass friends from having a fucking radio show in common. HOW THE FUCK.

Rest in peace Ru. Thank you so much for being a friend to all of us, I’m glad to have known you. If any of my friends are reading this, I’ve said it a million times already at this point but I love all of you so much. I hope that you all keep growing and learning and prospering. You can literally have whatever the fuck you want in this world. You guys are deadass the coolest group of people I’ve ever met and I’m so inspired by all of you in different ways. I'm not just saying that, I'm deadass. Shanemundi for fucking ever. I can’t wait until i get to see and hug all of you again.

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: june week three

capsule reviews of the pop songs which debuted on the billboard hot 100 on 17 june 2017 and 16 june 2007

16 June 2007

56) "Beautiful Flower," India.Arie

I'll cop to not knowing that much about India.Arie. I understand she has at least one classic album, and I can also see that there is no India.ArieVEVO account, so her entire career transpired when I was assuming it was acceptable to live life only listening to white men complain about women. This has clearly been to my detriment, because this song is simply astonishing. It's an inspirational song, but it's only India.Arie, a guitar, and some other voices for the occasional harmony, so it actually felt like, when India.Arie said "When they say shake your moneymaker/Shake your head," she was talking directly to me, decidedly not the target audience for this song. (I want to shout out how fucking great that lyric is again. "When they say shake your moneymaker/Shake your head." GODDAMN RIGHT. HELL YEAH. GIRL POWER FOREVER, SISTAHS.) It's such a cool and compelling twist on the girl power anthem, something toned down, but not so toned down that it feels like you're sitting around the campfire with the youth pastor. This is the second song, this and "Get Buck," that I think we unjustifiably left behind in 2007, and I say we bring it back.

78) "The Way I Are," Timbaland ft./Keri Hilson

I give Timbaland a lot of heck for being making loud and unnavigable music in these parts, but it would be dishonest of me to deny that this is a hot one. There's a build here that's absent from the rest of Timbaland's ouevre. Typically, it sounds like he's giving you a thousand things to listen to all at once, but on this one, he slowly adds more and more things, so once the chorus hits, it's the typical Timbaland mess of sound, but there's a structure, there's a logic to how everything fits together, and I can finally hear what made Timbaland the name that he was. This is GOOD trashy 2007 music. I'm down with this.

80) "Can't Tell Me Nothing," Kanye West

What 2007 vs. 2017 might ultimately come down to is that 2007 has the old Kanye and 2017 has the new Kanye. (Wait. I'm not sure Kanye West has figured into the 2017 equation at all, actually. Have I not been paying that much attention when Wikipediaing the rap songs? Has he legit not been involved with ANYTHING on the chart?) This is probably the best pure-rap song Kanye ever made, one of those songs where it's not the production carrying the day (though this is an astounding track), Kanye is actually on point with his flow and his rhymes. I sometimes rag on Kanye for the fact that his rapping might be the weakest part of his whole thing, but I'm comparing him to like Jay-Z and Kendrick and other dudes in consideration for GOAT, of course Kanye is going to falter, KANYE STILL MADE THIS SONG. This song doesn't work without a capable MC guiding the proceedings. Love this. Only reason it's not higher is because I don't want a cluster of Kanye at the top, and also I'm tickled with "Get Buck" being the rap song of the year so far and don't wanna see that end. Like, OBVIOUSLY, if this were 2007 and this song just came out, it'd be the new #1, but this is a retrospective, and I think it's important we reflect on how violent the "Get Buck" beat was.

91) "Whine Up," Kat Deluna ft./Elephant Man

You know what I don't think about enough? How pop songs end. That's partially because I am bad at this, but it's also not something I think about because we're not exactly conditioned to think of songs as stories. Songs generally don't leave you hanging, or end by saying it was all just a dream (with the possible exception of that one Nelly song from a few years back ("Cruise")), they're sort of like museum exhibits, where they present themselves to you in full, and you consider their merits as a piece. (This is why the critique Mariah Carey gave of David Cook's "Always Be My Baby," where she specifically says she loves how he ends the song on this off note and leaves it unresolved, has stayed with me.) I bring up endings because this song ends with Kat DeLuna singing "Whine up! Whine up! Whine up! Oh, yeah!" for half a minute before fading out. I think the song understands that it's really just here to go "Whine up! Whine up! Whine up! Oh, yeah!" for four minutes, but we still had a few years to go before "We Found Love" dropped, so it needed to go through the verse-chorus-verse motions, yeah sure feature verse can't have a song without a feature verse, but this is a song which knows what it is, and it gives you as much of what you want as it can before backing out, aware that there's only so much "Whine up! Whine up! Whine up! Oh, yeah!" one can take. The fade suggests the song could just go "Whine up! Whine up! Whine up! Oh, yeah!" for ten hours, but we have expectations of our pop songs, and this wants nothing more than to live up to expectations. Quality chorus, though! Had a great big dumb time with this one! 2007's got it rollin' this week! Can't wait to see how 2007 keeps the momentum goin'!

96) "Wall to Wall," Chris Brown

Welp.

97) "Bartender," T-Pain ft./Akon

This song is just comfy. A lovely chaser for the song I didn't listen to but still had to acknowledge existed. After writing a good chunk about "Whine Up," a song that may as well have had four words, I don't want to over-analyze what is simply a nice song, sort of what to let it be, want to point out the casual misogyny that kinda takes some of the chill out the zone, but mostly want to acknowledge that none of the several sets of three minutes we've all spent with this song somewhere in our space is pretty neat. Well done, everyone.

99) "Startin' with Me," Jake Owen

"I took a swing at my old man one Christmas/I never dreamed that it would be his last" ...Did. Did this dude kill his dad? Fuckin' hell, dude, someone should've caught that lyric. How many people wrote this one? Three. Three people. Not one of them said, "Hey, what do we think of this line? It sounds like this dude killed his dad with a punch." But like even if this dude didn't kill his dad, he had sex with his bro's sister, he sold his grandpa's guitar, he punched his dad, he went to jail and yelled at his brother for not bailing him out, he wasn't with his family when his grandma died, this man is fucking irredeemable, and he just goes, "Yeah, I sure goofed up some things back there, didn't I? Ha, if I had a dime..." You get to say that about small stupid mistakes, like the thing about bein' too big a dick to a girl, or the thing about smoking. You don't get to have a dime for every time you commit patricide. You don't get second chances for ruining every single relationship in your life. Who on earth relates to this song? This is nonsense. It's this dark, twisted man singing this Tim McGraw melody, and it's illogical.

100) "Do You," Ne-Yo

2:48 PM 6/4/2017: Wow! A Ne-Yo song I don't remember! What a treat! 2:52 PM 6/4/2017: ...Oh. Oh I forgot this because it wasn't great. I get it. No, no, that's fair. Learning that this was a sequel to "So Sick" is equally disappointing. We talked about endings -- whoa, a thematic link between capsule reviews, who ever heard of such a thing -- and "So Sick" has a really solid ending, that lonely, soft "Why can't I turn off the radio?" and this is, this doesn't ruin "So Sick?" But knowing that dude doesn't get over it for two years kinda makes the dude seem more pathetic than sad. 2:53 PM 6/4/2017: REMIX WITH UTADA HIKARU?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? I HAVE THREE WORDS FOR THE WAY THIS IS MAKING ME FEEL. AND BABY, IT AIN'T COMPLEX AND FILTHY, I CAN TELL YA WHAT.

Two new songs in the Top 10, AND Lil Mama hangs on for another glorious week! 20) "Get Me Bodied," by Beyonce (5.26.2007) 19) "Lip Gloss," by Lil Mama (6.9.2007) 18) "I Don't Wanna Stop," by Ozzy Osbourne (5.26.2007) 17) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 16) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 15) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 14) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 13) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 12) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 11) "Never Again," by Kelly Clarkson (5.12.2007) 10) "Can't Tell Me Nothing," by Kanye West (6.16.2007) 9) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 8) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 7) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 6) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 5) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 4) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 3) "Beautiful Flower," by India.Arie (6.16.2007) 2) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 1) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007) Strong, strong week for 2007. Congratulations, year I have randomly personified.

6.17.2017

74) "Somethin Tells Me," Bryson Tiller 85) "Self-Made," Bryson Tiller 89) "Don't Get Too High," Bryson Tiller 91) "Run Me Dry," Bryson Tiller 98) "No Longer Friends," Bryson Tiller

The artists who have debuted three or more  songs on the Billboard Hot 100 in the same week this year are, in some order, Ed Sheeran (AAA), Big Sean (hip-hop stalwart, AA), Migos (one AAA hit), Future (AAA), Nicki Minaj (AAA), Drake (AAA), Kendrick Lamar (AAA), and Bryson Tiller. ...I enjoyed the couple of Bryson Tiller songs I heard the last couple of years. I would not have guessed he had the clout to release a surprise album, the wattage to get five of the 19 songs on the album to chart, but here we are! Five songs! That were all pretty much the same thing! "Run Me Dry" was noticably bouncier than the other songs, but like these songs, this dude, like, you know how, with Netflix and YouTube, they sink so much into original content because the goal isn't to create something great, the goal is to create something people will watch? Like, if you're watching something on Netflix, you're not watching something on Hulu or Twitch, so it's in Netflix's best interests to throw a thousand spaghettis at the wall in the hopes of finding something to stick. These songs are designed for you to you listen to so that you're listening to that record label's version of this and not something else on some other label. (I can think of no other reason that this should be 19 songs long. I kinda wanted to listen to this album on the bus ride home, get a jump start on these songs, but the album was longer than my bus ride. Why.) Like, these are not, technically, bad songs. I don't like them and barely remember them however-long-I've-been-writing-this-paragraph later, but I never felt compelled to hit skip, and that feels like that's what we're going for here. Listen to this hour-long album. Don't hit other buttons.

88) "Met Gala," Gucci Mane ft./Offset

"I was that nigga locked up in the cell/And they treated me like I was normal/Thankin' the Lord for them blessings/I just left the Met Gala dressin' up formal" I wonder what a better lyricist would have done with that concept, of being an ex-con who can score tickets to the Met Gala. Like, I think Metro Boomin structured a track around that idea, of someone at the Met Gala experiencing anhedonia because they've been treated like the lowest form of humanity and now there's all these rich people who've never had anything bad happen to them, and the dude can't even feel like he's made it because this is a thousand miles from his scene. This is what the sound songs like independent of the words, at least, though I think we've established that the words are the least essential part of this kind of hip-hop. I'd probably listen to an album of Metro Boomin instrumentals, I don't see why we need Gucci Mane in here bleating about whatever.

90) "No Such Thing as a Broken Heart," Old Dominion

This was a'ight. I like that it doesn't suggest that if you love this hard all problems will go away; there's no resolution in this song, only a group of dudes promising to try their best, and that's the closest we're gonna get to complexity this side of Stapleton.It actually sort of reminds me of "Hey Ya!", not in terms of craft oh my stars not in those terms, but in its depiction of relationships where two people look at each other and say "I don't know how to be committed to you." Pop-country dude song of the year 2017, by a mile. (To reiterate, Thomas Rhett is ineligible because "Craving You" is pure bubblegum.)

94) "There for You," Martin Garrix x Troye Sivan

so baby hold me closer in the backseat of your rover that i know you can't afford, bite that tattoo on your shoulder, pull the sheets off of the corner of the mattress that you stole from your roommate back in boulder, we ain't ever gettin' older

99) "Butterfly Effect," Travis Scott

this was fine! travis scott can be counted on to deliver solid songs, and while I'm not gonna say this is my favorite thing he's ever done, it's still nice to hear him chime in. what a pleasant surprise! these reviews have gotten progressively shorter. the next review prolly just gonna be one word.

100) "Strangers," Halsey ft./Lauren Jauregui

So here's something I'm guilty of: Me: There should be more women on the chart! Y'all: Here's one we like! Me: /sucks in air through teeth/ Not this one? So I'm glad that Halsey made a song I think is actually pretty dope. Like, I actually went back and listened to it again, simply because, hey, girl-girl love duet, that's new! I'm actually having difficulty recalling any hit song that was specifically about a same-sex relationship, and I'm sure they exist and I'm forgetting something thuddingly obvious, but this is cool, and thankfully, it's a good song on its own merits. Halsey and Jauregui mesh really well together, and the track is a perfect complement, something propulsive, yet understated enough to let the singers do the work they need to do, a backing track that knows what it needs to be. (Suppose it makes sense that someone who won a Producer of the Year Grammy would write a decent song.)

Only one new thing in the Top 20 because I stared at the list for 20 seconds before deciding I was not going to bump Kendrick from the Top 20 for Old Dominion. We don’t consider how much optics figure into determining how much we love what we love, but they figure in quite a bit. 20) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar (4.15) 19) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 18) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 17) "Felices los 4," by Maluma (6.3) 16) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 15) "Bad Liar," by Selena Gomez (6.3) 14) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 13) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 12) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 11) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 10) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 9) "Strangers," by Halsey ft./Lauren Jauregui (6.17) 8) "Either Way," by Chris Stapleton (5.27) 7) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 6) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 5) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 4) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 3) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Hard Times," by Paramore (5.13) Also I feel like bumping the Camila Cabello joint for the Lauren Jauregui joint is me drawing a line in the sand I wasn’t ready to draw. Please don’t hate me, the teens, I do not know what dramas have unfolded, what feels you have unfelt.

Who won?

So I actually did go through the weeks before I was reviewing 2007 releases, since I created a Google Sheet for YAS because, when my computer became unusable, I realized it was probably unwise to have just one file trapped inside one very bad computer. But since I put the stuff in spreadsheet form, it made week-by-week comps easier. As it turns our, 2007 got off to an early 3-0 lead, what with “And I Am Telling You,” “Candyman,” and “Jump to the Rhythm” all dropping in the first few weeks, but 2017′s been doin’ better as of late, thanks to two weeks where 2007 didn’t... it didn’t really do anything. 2017: 12 2007: 11 And that’s all the difference! 2007 crushed it this week, which is good, because the next few weeks look pretty bleak for ol’ 2007y. Good opportunity for 2017 to create some separation in this fake competition between two entities that have no sentience as they are arbitrarily determined measurements of time and not actual things. See y’all after seven sunsets.

[kgysj-blog]

day 2 - 4/26/17

dear depression, wassupppp biotch you still havent gotten me yet ayyeeeee *quickly knocks on wood* anyways imma talk ab my day/issues!!!!!!! so i woke up & wore this dress bc i didn't feel like wearing pants ya feel me ? well i made it to school in 4 minutes bc ya girl attempted eyeliner this morning AND IT DIDNT SUCK TERRIBLY WOO!!! oh yus. anyway i felt pretty today :') i got to first period (English) •total side note but the song that just came on is 'how would u feel' by ed sheeran and i absolutely fucking adore it man• and when we i got there i expected us to finish wuthering heights which i also absolutely adore. instead we had to do two worksheets front and back and it lowkey kinda sucked :/ but it's ok I finished them!! also it was sent around that the teachers met this morning to decide which day will be the last day for seniors to show up which makes me feel lit as fuck like let's fuckin go FUCKKKKKK white plains HAHAHAH :)))) then i got to second period (math) and coach ford wasn't here today so she left us a worksheet to do that had 36 equation problems & don't get me wrong, that shit easy af, it just takes time to write it all out fr. well im in a class where everyone likes to talk other than the guy that sits beside me (connor w. my mf nigga). well i start this worksheet w one headphone in & these inconsiderate fuckers who aren't even doing their work START TALKING LOUDLY and it nearly made it impossible to finish this long ass worksheet so I put my other head phone in and crank the music up as loud as possible. well it's be about 5 minutes and connor has done the same thing w the headphones, and these rude humans throw a pencil at us bc my music was too loud. MY music was too loud. well GUESS WHAT?! if you'd stfu i wouldn't even have to play music :-)) anyway i finished that bitch in ab 10 minutes then I took a good ass nap till break. after the bell rang I was walking to drop my back pack off in coach crews classroom and doddie and nugget pull me in a classroom & doddie has ranted ab this guy (not gonna name names) making fun of her and making sly comments ab her being gay!!!!!! it lit me tf up. but it was gucci she rented it all out and posted it on her spam & i ab died. then i went to break & saw my buddies and then went to third (anatomy). Me & brettford finished up our poster which looked good af & turned it in. then I saw dots spam post & ab died hahahahah I commented "can I tag him" then "I'll tag him" then "he's a little bitch" bc he is!!!! the girls doddie pulls are like gorgeous & his ex gf was not that pretty :/ I don't wanna be mean and say bad things ab other girls but :/// then we went to fourth period (economics) and Matthews hit me w some more of her bullshit. she stays mad at me fr solely bc of the table I sit at bUT GUESS WHAT! those are my mf niggas and imma sit w them bc this is the last time I'll frickin be able to bc #senioryearbitches but onward w the entry, we had to do this question thing on liz murray (refer to precious entry on who that is) and then we got to do our handprints on the wall bc #senioryearbitches. me and brettford did our hands together Bc he's my bestie and I love him!!!!! then i left and went to the store (gas station-stewards) to get pizza and when I got there, there was no mf pizza -_- I was mad af. the lady said it would take 12 minutes to cook another & it was already 11:53 and the bus gets there at mf 12:05 to pick us up so I had to tell her I had to go :/ so I went back to school and then to career tech & all was gucci. I fell asleep during class bc idk I get exhausted in moms class it's crazy Idek why. but then i got on the bus and i realized i had a text from the human im not supposed to be talking to :/ it said hi. so I said hi. Then he had screenshotted doddies spam post and said it better have not been ab him and he's dumb bc it wasn't -_- we talked ab it all for a while and then I told him not to worry & he said alright & I said okie and he didn't reply aha but I had to text him what dot said bc he had asked me to text her earlier so i did and sent it to him. then this mf replied like two hours later and sent me a beer pong game thing and we played for a while (i whooped that ass three times in a row) anndddd he stopped replying again. but i guess i needa get used to that bc im not supposed to be talking to him anyway. we decided Sunday we were gonna stay out of each other's life's until I was better & we have literally spoken every single day since then lmaooooo but it's okay. I got in my feels heavvvvyyyy ab him during moms class which is why I went to sleep I guess. Idk I just miss him n stuff.. it's okay tho no sadness!! I went home and sat and talked w dad for a little bit and it was nice I luv my dad. after I showered and all that I was chillin in bed listening to music & Dad brought me fresh flowers to my room :/ I had told him Sunday I love fresh flowers & then monday on our way to bham for my javelin lesson i told him a little bit about my depression stuff & told him about why I can't talk to Peyton right now and all that and I think it made him sad a little. :( but he is the sweetest most of the time and it made my heart super happy!!! but anyways that's all for today :-) it's 11:54 so imma hit the hay, goodnight!!!! love, g