#<= technically not drawing but i dont remember if i have a writing tag. and if i do

[squipdop]

the first God who ever answers your prayers is a man who bares his neck for you.

he answers your plea for blood in a foolish show of unearned trust you find yourself unable to betray.

the taste burns on your tongue like sunlight should on your skin.

and yet for the first time in two hundred years, you are fed.

the first God who ever answers your prayers is a man willing to die of his devotion.

the curse in his chest, the promise of forgiveness, your teeth in his neck.

as you drink your fill, you wonder what will get him first.

the first God who ever answers your prayers is not yet a God at all.

but you are the first to pray to him.

[alfheimr]

My Favorite Cheap Art Trick: Gradient Maps and Blending Modes

i get questions on occasion regarding my coloring process, so i thought i would do a bit of a write up on my "secret technique." i don't think it really is that much of a secret, but i hope it can be helpful to someone. to that end:

this is one of my favorite tags ive ever gotten on my art. i think of it often. the pieces in question are all monochrome - sort of.

the left version is the final version, the right version is technically the original. in the final version, to me, the blues are pretty stark, while the greens and magentas are less so. there is some color theory thing going on here that i dont have a good cerebral understanding of and i wont pretend otherwise. i think i watched a youtube video on it once but it went in one ear and out the other. i just pick whatever colors look nicest based on whatever vibe im going for.

this one is more subtle, i think. can you tell the difference? there's nothing wrong with 100% greyscale art, but i like the depth that adding just a hint of color can bring.

i'll note that the examples i'll be using in this post all began as purely greyscale, but this is a process i use for just about every piece of art i make, including the full color ones. i'll use the recent mithrun art i made to demonstrate. additionally, i use clip studio paint, but the general concept should be transferable to other art programs.

for fun let's just start with Making The Picture. i've been thinking of making this writeup for a while and had it in mind while drawing this piece. beyond that, i didn't really have much of a plan for this outside of "mithrun looks down and hair goes woosh." i also really like all of the vertical lines in the canary uniform so i wanted to include those too but like. gone a little hog wild. that is the extent of my "concept." i do not remember why i had the thought of integrating a shattered mirror type of theme. i think i wanted to distract a bit from the awkward pose and cover it up some LOL but anyway. this lack of planning or thought will come into play later.

note 1: the textured marker brush i specifically use is the "bordered light marker" from daub. it is one of my favorite brushes in the history of forever and the daub mega brush pack is one of the best purchases ive ever made. highly recommend!!!

note 2: "what do you mean by exclusion and difference?" they are layer blending modes and not important to the overall lesson of this post but for transparency i wanted to say how i got these "effects." anyway!

with the background figured out, this is the point at which i generally merge all of my layers, duplicate said merged layer, and Then i begin experimenting with gradient maps. what are gradient maps?

the basic gist is that gradient maps replace the colors of an image based on their value.

so, with this particular gradient map, black will be replaced with that orangey red tone, white will be replaced with the seafoamy green tone, etc. this particular gradient map i'm using as an example is very bright and saturated, but the colors can be literally anything.

these two sets are the ones i use most. they can be downloaded for free here and here if you have csp. there are many gradient map sets out there. and you can make your own!

you can apply a gradient map directly onto a specific layer in csp by going to edit>tonal correction>gradient map. to apply one indirectly, you can use a correction layer through layer>new correction layer>gradient map. honestly, correction layers are probably the better way to go, because you can adjust your gradient map whenever you want after creating the layer, whereas if you directly apply a gradient map to a layer thats like. it. it's done. if you want to make changes to the applied gradient map, you have to undo it and then reapply it. i don't use correction layers because i am old and stuck in my ways, but it's good to know what your options are.

this is what a correction layer looks like. it sits on top and applies the gradient map to the layers underneath it, so you can also change the layers beneath however and whenever you want. you can adjust the gradient map by double clicking the layer. there are also correction layers for tone curves, brightness/contrast, etc. many such useful things in this program.

let's see how mithrun looks when we apply that first gradient map we looked at.

gadzooks. apologies for eyestrain. we have turned mithrun into a neon hellscape, which might work for some pieces, but not this one. we can fix that by changing the layer blending mode, aka this laundry list of words:

some of them are self explanatory, like darken and lighten, while some of them i genuinely don't understand how they are meant to work and couldn't explain them to you, even if i do use them. i'm sure someone out there has written out an explanation for each and every one of them, but i've learned primarily by clicking on them to see what they do.

for the topic of this post, the blending mode of interest is soft light. so let's take hotline miamithrun and change the layer blending mode to soft light.

here it is at 100% opacity. this is the point at which i'd like to explain why i like using textured brushes so much - it makes it very easy to get subtle color variation when i use this Secret Technique. look at the striation in the upper right background! so tasty. however, to me, these colors are still a bit "much." so let's lower the opacity.

i think thats a lot nicer to look at, personally, but i dont really like these colors together. how about we try some other ones?

i like both of these a lot more. the palettes give the piece different vibes, at which point i have to ask myself: What Are The Vibes, Actually? well, to be honest i didn't really have a great answer because again, i didn't plan this out very much at all. however. i knew in my heart that there was too much color contrast going on and it was detracting from the two other contrasts in here: the light and dark values and the sharp and soft shapes. i wanted mithrun's head to be the main focal point. for a different illustration, colors like this might work great, but this is not that hypothetical illustration, so let's bring the opacity down again.

yippee!! that's getting closer to what my heart wants. for fun, let's see what this looks like if we change the blending mode to color.

i do like how these look but in the end they do not align with my heart. oh well. fun to experiment with though! good to keep in mind for a different piece, maybe! i often change blending modes just to see what happens, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. i very much cannot stress enough that much of my artistic process is clicking buttons i only sort of understand. for fun.

i ended up choosing the gradient map on the right because i liked that it was close to the actual canary uniform colors (sorta). it's at an even lower opacity though because there was Still too much color for my dear heart.

the actual process for this looks like me setting my merged layer to soft light at around 20% opacity and then clicking every single gradient map in my collection and seeing which one Works. sometimes i will do this multiple times and have multiple soft light and/or color layers combined.

typically at this point i merge everything again and do minor contrast adjustments using tone curves, which is another tool i find very fun to play around with. then for this piece in particular i did some finishing touches and decided that the white border was distracting so i cropped it. and then it's done!!! yay!!!!!

this process is a very simple and "fast" way to add more depth and visual interest to a piece without being overbearing. well, it's fast if you aren't indecisive like me, or if you are better at planning.

let's do another comparison. personally i feel that the hint of color on the left version makes mithrun look just a bit more unwell (this is a positive thing) and it makes the contrast on his arm a lot more pleasing to look at. someone who understands color theory better than i do might have more to say on the specifics, but that's honestly all i got.

just dont look at my layers too hard. ok?

[sans-guy]

(explosion) butch info masterpost (explosion) I’ve been asked a few things a couple of times and i just wanna lay some stuff out about butch that doesn’t get asked just so u guys know. i'll update as needed (if i can remember) <3

I can’t say everything because sooner or later I want to create some kind of comic or fic, but can’t right now cus my brain sucks and i'm pretty busy irl

Here is his updated ref sheet How old: 30-ish How tall: 6'8"

He kills people???!?!?!? D: Yes. only people that really deserve it, he's not a mindless killer. Even though he's a butcher, killing isn't something he enjoys doing.

AND HE EATS THEM??! D: No. but he sells the meat to monsters that do, in an effort to get rid of evidence. he's not friendly with the monsters he does business with, and he does not sell to humans. The selling of human meat is a drug trade of sorts; and it is by no means an easy business to get out of.

lore and loreposts; -He needs glasses -How he lost his fingers

-He isn't too fond of humans.

-despite everything, he is goofy.

-extra info about relationships/"clients".

-he is not too socially inept, but prefers to keep to himself and not say too much, just the way he was raised. -he is a workaholic, preferring to stay either busy or asleep, despite occasionally getting sick from all the stress he's under.

-he is technologically illiterate, hates newer technology, but will still use a landline (for his friends or for work) and the library computers with help (to check emails cus the modern age is horrible and requires you to have an email) -he is very slow to make friends, but when he does, theyre very good friends, going as far to consider them his family. -he LOVES knives, and has a collection of unique knives (culinary/pocket knives/hunting knives etc) he's found or obtained from flea markets.

-because of the state of his right hand, he's technically ambidextrous, since he's had enough time to learn how to use his other hand, but still writes better with his right hand. he could use ecto fingers if he really wanted to, but he doesn't care either way.

-he lost a tooth rough housing with his brothers when he was younger (he has many siblings ((and his older brothers picked on him becus thats what loving siblings do <3 )) )

-his arms and hands are riddled with scars and cuts because thats what a lifetime of physical labor and 10 years working with sharp objects will do to u

-the gloves he wears are cutting gloves here's some fluffy small character stuff for him ive thought about, i'll update this list when i . remember what i posted lovers/trust/friendship can i draw butch (or any of your characters)??

can i draw butch kissing me/my insert?

i'm ok with most fanart, I love everything everyone makes of my guys!! but if ur not sure if i'll be comfortable with it, please just shoot me a message. i dont bite i promise *bats eyelashes* also its a given but no fanart or ships can be inserted into the canon sorry

edit; pls pls check out the #fanart tag, so many beautiful ppl have drawn/written so many beautiful things of my boy and they must be seen

[notmyprey]

Hi! Just thought I'd make a post going over a few things:

First things first! This is very much a (SFW) vore (for lack of remembering what the other descriptor is) account. If ya dont like- dont follow, lol.

I am a strictly SFW blog, meaning I dont, won't, and haven't posted anything NSFW. I sometimes post digestion, but it's ALWAYS with reformation or NON FATAL (aka its digestion, but only results in some injuries rather than death).

I normally draw g/t vore, but I will draw the occasional same/similar/half/quarter vore drawing.

I love asks, so long as they are SFW.

If you want to ask my OC's questions, go to my other blog here, which is just for that!

I only have a few DNI's:

Main DNI:

Pedos (of any name), zoophiles, harassment/callout blogs, homo/transphobic, racist (this includes towards asians and Middle easterns too, I aint tolerating any of that hateful shit)

For personal reasons, please either DNI or do not talk to me about:

Drugs (excluding medical ones), s3xual stuff (s3x repulsed ace here), and pr3gnancy (this is borderline phobia for me, ok? Maybe even worse than that)

If you have uncontrolled temperamental issues, please keep your distance or try not to become too close of friends with me (I have trauma related to this, and I am still recovering).

New book I'm working on:

Gluttony, Gods, and that one dude over there

More info under cut:

These are the fandoms I know! Please try not to spam my ask box with fandoms that I dont know! An ask here and there abt one I dont know is ok, but not constantly please!

My Sona's:

This is my voresona!

This is my persona! (Who can also be used in vore lol)

Do I Role Play?

Short answer: no

Long answer: kind of? I do often use RP like language (such as the use of ** and refering to myself as my online persona, who is still technically me but in a universe where vore exists). But I dont like to directly RP with people in dm or anything else for the most part. There are few exceptions, but those who know, know.

I never thought I would have to add this, but please dont drag me into any drama or personal situations that don't involve me. I made this blog for me to have a place away from real life, not to have to stress over.

Repeating this again: One boundary I would like to put up is to try and keep drug mentions to as minimal as possible (outside of obv medications and stuff). I dont hate anyone who does do drugs, but it does make me very uncomfortable. I wish I could explain why, but unfortunately, I can not since I myself dont even know why.

NSFW and KINK blogs PLEASE READ:

NSFW:

I dont mind nsfw blogs following me or liking my posts, but please dont interact outside of that. Sometimes, I may block nsfw accounts out of the blue, but its normally because they either dont censor things or I see them too much on my tags that im following.

KINK:

I dont mind if kink blogs follow me or like my posts. You can reblog my posts. Just make sure that if you end up rebloging my posts, dont add tags that are related to a kink. I may block kink accounts out of the blue, but its normally because I see them too much on my tags that im following, and its something Im uncomfortable with seeing that often.

For BOTH NSWF and KINK blogs!! If you are an irl edit blog (aka you take real pictures and edit them), if I dont see you, you're fine. But as soon as I see any of that anywhere, whether it's going through who liked/rebloged my post or ending up on my fyp, I will block no hesitation. Irl photo edits make me extremely uncomfortable, and this is one of the few big boundaries I have and will not hesitate to enforce.

Other than that- dont be an asshole and were chill.

Master Lists:

Writing Master List

Prompts Master List

Rants Master List

Characters Master List

Sona Art Master List

On going ask/rb games:

'Reblog or send an ask, and I'll tell ya what you/a character of your choice would taste like' post

Ask game! (Aka send me emojis to answer questions)

[gaybd1]

15 people, 15 questions

tysm @ozais-lobotomist for tagging me, these things are fun

1. are you named after anyone?

yeah my birth name, the middle name is my grandma’s name. she died when my dad was young. my current name is definitely named mostly after chris pine tbhhhhh

2. when was the last time you cried?

don’t remember!! probs when I was getting over my major concussion a couple months ago bc I was just so out of it mentally and it was really frustrating

3. do you have kids?

21 beautiful students and a dog

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

uhhhh I played soccer for yearssss as a kid and was Not Good At All. I wanted to play rugby and football but I wasn’t allowed bc I have a bleeding disorder. I did a season of track and then did fencing a few years as a teen. now I just hike and do yoga

5. do you use sarcasm?

NEVER

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

omg idk something about the vibe like niceness/approachability

7. what’s your eye color?

who even knows, green technically?? it’s got pretty much the whole rainbow floating around in there and one of my students is terrified of them and says they’re yellow like a demon bc he’s only ever seen people with “black” eyes his whole life….

8. scary movies or happy endings?

I don’t watch scary movies At All

9. any talents?

pffft I wouldn’t be the one to ask? fine arts in general I guess. languages?

10. where were you born?

a hospital (US America rip)

11. what are your hobbies?

sleeping, hiking, drawing, writing

12. do you have any pets?

YES my dog is my CHILD, the LIGHT of my life

13. how tall are you?

175cm (what is that, 5’9?)

14. favorite subject in school?

p much anything under the social studies umbrella

15. dream job

teaching tbh. The job I have now is prettttty close to dream level, I think I’d just make it 4 days a week

tagging the first 15 mutuals that pop up lol but DONT do it if you don’t want and also if I didn’t tag you and you want to do this, great!

@leafsfromthevine @lillikoifish @sukidude @witchering10123 @apocryphiend @fanfic-gremlin-ft-trauma @lesmiserablol @thatwoodenguineapig @transuncletaylor @tiredlylaughing @aboutiroh @picnicbitchsokka @biboomerangboi @zukkacore @jovialcloudqueenisnotonfire

[eomma-jpeg]

thanks @veilder I really do like doing these lil games even though I have some unfinished ones in my drafts 💀

I have some extra thoughts if anyone cares if I ramble

I did write quite a bit on wattpad back in the day. My account is still up and kicking but my username there isn't the same anywhere else LOL so you might be able to find it ? I had a moderately successful fairy tail one-shot series and an unfinished doctor who self insert fic (i wrote these when I was 14 i want everyone to remember that lil fact.

I currently beta read for @noaafishfieldguide so I get alllll the juicy sea foam drama >:) (its literally so fun i love doing it T-T. I don't have any beta readers except that squid does get to read 'in the meadow' early to help me make sure it actually is good LOLOL

Every fic i write is self indulgent, isn't that like.... the point of a fanfiction ???

So I am a multifandom writer, but as of late I've been stuck in trigun (the Fandom that got me to start writing again). But I technically started writing for royai just before then because Fullmetal is one of my all time favorites and royai is so special and perfect to meeeeee (I also wrote a kacchako fiction which is technically my most popular by kudos??? Which is wild?)

I cannot tell you how closely i watch my phone after a chapter of itm is posted. I just like, stare longingly and wait for comments to roll in T-T

YALL I NEVER IN 1000 YEARS WOULD HAVE EXPECTED PEOPLE TO DRAW ART FOR MY FICS. I NEVER FELT THAT ANYONE WOULD CARE THAT MUCH BUT @noaafishfieldguide and @mad-aims HAVE BOTH DONE ART AND I DO CRY STILL ABOUT IT

I have.... an entire kacchako fantasy bnha fic outline just like sitting in my drive. I've written some chunks of it, but it was mostly self indulgence and there's like a make-out scene in there... I also have a one bed royai thats just sitting, waiting to be published bc I dont know if its good LOLOL

Listen, I know its silly and its my current fic, but I really adore writing in the meadow and I'm so happy that the people reading it do read it, but I need more to join bc I am converting people to the millyons agenda.... thats just my whole goal so please get in on this

Ty for indulging me and here are the people I tag: @noaafishfieldguide, @firewoodfigs, @fullmetalscullyy, @fullcry, @eilwen

Here's the blank copy!

[escrupulo42o]

HELLO HI WELCOME TO MY BLOG ITS INTRODUCTION TIME‼️

my name is antonio/pedro but you can also call me toño. i use he/him but it is also fine. you can check out my pronouns page if you want too

list of random facts about me (i love making lists):

im bilingual, i speak english (duh) and spanish (my first language). i also know like a tad little bit of russian and ive been trying to learn guaraní (i have the language level of a 2 year old).

i have autism and adhd.

i am from argentina AND I FREAKING LOVEMY COUNTRY SO MUCH.

I LOVE GETTING ASKS‼️ also i am not the most creative person so if you have any ideas for drawings please drop them there!!

i go to a technical school so i might not be super active but i do try.

this blog supports palestine, if you in any way support the illegitimate state of israel, you are not fucking welcome here get tf out.

i like to treat my blog as a magazine or something similar to that (when i remember to, im not that active anymore for some reason), theres different segments n shit that i will list here:

the first segment being #toño's garbage wich is just the tag i use for my drawings

second segment is the #intellectual toño time wich is my tag for music analysis

and lastly #toño talks, pretty self explanatory, i talk (i dont use this one that much)

other tags i often use:

#ñ, this is just the tag for stuff in spanish or things that are somewhat related to my culture

#yeah/hell yeah/fuck yeah or any other variation of that is the tag i use when i reblog stuff i really like (idk how to express exitement like a human)

!!!, tag for important stuff

following this is a list of some of my special interests/hyperfixations:

MORTAL KOMBAT ‼️. i really like tomas, syzoth, raiden and kung lao (i also have my very own AU!)

STAR WARS‼️

ANIMALS N NATURE‼️ this one has been here since i was a kid. im bad at picking favourites but i do get really exited every time i see an aguará guazú, wombat or quokka lately (wich could be kinda obvious if you've seen any of my au stuff)

COMMUNITY‼️ the tv show i mean. i mainly like trobed and jeffbritta

MUSIC‼️ I LOVE MUSIC SO MUCH DUDE I COULD TALK ABOUT IT FOR HOURS. i have a pretty wide music taste but i think my favourite bands/artists at the moment could be El mato a un policia motorizado, Gorillaz, Tyler the creator, Las ligas menores, Alex G Dillom n probably some other stuf that i am Too Lazy to write (you can check out my spotify account!)

SMILING FRIENDS‼️

BATMAN AND THE RIDDLER‼️ also the joker but whatever (the riddler is literally me but. more fucked up)

CARD CAPTOR SAKURA‼️

gif/blinkies/sticker collection (i have more but i picked the best ten (?):

i made the first one myself, i am very proud of it like this literally me if i was a gif

[gomzdrawfr]

one day, three autumns | 一日三秋

This is the first time I've ever posted any fic related thing, so please go easy on me :p feedback is appreciated! English isn't my main language so if i made any mistakes, please let me know! Pairing: Zimo x Horangi Warning: ANGSTTTTT Some translations are added below each mandarin sentences :) for the title, its a chinese idiom that means when you miss someone so much, that one day felt as long as 3 years again huge thanks to Chrizz on Twitter for this ship "You never cared, did you?" I did. "All of this was just a joke, I was the only one serious, the only one who thought we could have something more than just whatever the hell we had!" I was serious too. "I hate you!" I love you.

A thousand words flew everywhere in his mind, yet none were uttered. A thousand pleas and desperation, clawing, burning in his throat, yet none were delivered. He never said anything. Always cold. Always calm. Not even when Horangi was screaming, prying his vest, and crying on his shirt. Not once did he flinch, nor showed any changes in his expression.

The moment when Zimo realize the heavy, heavy gravity of him on their 3rd encounter, he knew he was in trouble. Being in love with your enemy, it was as if you're asking to be tortured. Despite that, with every hug, every wave and every moment shared, he couldn't stay away. He knew that things had to end, one way or another, he just didn't expect it to happen on the day when he wanted to propose, a pair of silver rings hiding snugly in his pocket close to his heart.

人生有三错，一步错，步步错 别让我失望了。 "you made your mistakes, don't disappoint me” The words ringing in his mind, he had been careful, always had been, so how did the superiors find out? it didn't even matter at this rate, questions long forgotten as reality weights heavily in the air, almost suffocating. "Say something, goddammit!" He wanted to, he really wanted to, hell if he can scream out everything he ever wanted right now at this moment, forget everything and just have him in his arms again, he would do it. But he didn't, because he knows there are watchful eyes. 如果爱你是错，我宁愿永远不对 "if loving you was wrong, then I never want to be right" Yet he remained still as a tree, not moving, eyes still cold and emotionless. The only reply Horangi got was the pouring rain and the loud thunder, it seems like even nature was mocking their relationship. He still stood there, drenched in the rain even after Horangi stormed off hours ago. Never moved an inch, for in his eyes, nothing was worth it anymore, where can he go even if he does move? There's nowhere to go, because the world had already left him.

technically the translation for the "don't disappoint me part" is not the most correct meaning, the first idiom used before it translates to "There are three mistakes in life, if you take one wrong step, the following steps will all be wrong" I didnt really know if i should put that there, but i just wanted to signify how the superior basically said "you fucked up, dont fucked up again kind of vibe if you get me" also feel free to draw or write a fic based on this! just remember to tag me :D Anyways, pass me the towel to cry on-

[otogariado]

15 questions!

supposed to be 15 mutuals too but i'm still too shy to tag people on this blog BUT if you don't mind getting tagged in posts like this then feel free to like this post & i'll tag you in the future. teehee

i was tagged by @stripesysheaven 💖💖 thank you

1. are you named after anyone?

my deadname is probably inspired by some french royalty. i did nickname myself after a videogame protagonist though, even though i don't use that nickname much any more

wait actually i'm vaguely remembering smth abt my mom supposedly naming myself after a local actress. that works too if that's true

2. when was the last time you cried?

very recently because i was very sad. but also it's easy for me to cry bc of stuff i watch. i teared up during three different moments while watching the new puss in boots movie

3. do you have kids?

no. probably never. it's a very big responsibility

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

not a lot, just sometimes. usually just to be funny or when i'm ranting to someone abt an anecdote in private. i like making it apparent when i do though. "i DONT use sarcasm at all NOT using it right now. what makes you say that"

5. what sports do you play/have you played?

recently competed in badminton doubles!! with strangers i met like minutes before the matches started haha. we were short on people. i'm not Very Good at any particular sport but i'll play most things for fun. i miss doing frisbee class

6. what's the first thing you notice about other people?

i'm always So Scareds of people so it's hard to answer this question... probably the way they speak? i don't have to be looking at people to notice that

7. what's your eye colour?

almost black, deep brown thangs

8. scary movies or happy endings?

schmaltz forever

9. any special talents?

i can follow sheet music on the spot (just give me the pitch and i'm good) and i'm good at bullshitting melodies i've never sang before

10. where were you born?

born and raised and still here in the philippines

11. what are your hobbies?

watching shows and movies and getting incredibly emotionally attached to fictional characters and thinking about them too hard is my #1 hobby. aside from that i like listening to video essays/podcasts, drawing, writing... i also like walking. once i learn how to ride a bike i'd like to do that regularly too

i need more physical crafty hobbies, i just don't have the space/space management skills to do them rn... i used to do a lot of paper crafting as a kid

12. do you have any pets?

toothless is a... tuxedo cat? he's technically my grandpa's but i consider him my little guy too

they're my cousins' but i also live with two dogs :) toffee (middle) who is a very bitey puppy. he's aspin but he probably has some fancy breed in his blood or smn bc his fur is very soft. and betsy (right, jailed for crimes. she doesn't mind) is a shih tzu and they've had her for a few years now C:

13. how tall are you?

i hate checking my height cz i might shrink again. probably around 5'6"

14. favorite subject in school?

i loved math and science in grade school. in high school i enjoyed lit a lot more. pending answer for college lol

15. dream job?

my cousin once brought up the idea of us owning a bar/cafe/resto thing together. it would be nice!

[lemontongues]

tagged by @januariat and @mamawasatesttube thank u both!<3

1. are you named after anyone? an obscure cartoon character lol

2. when was the last time you cried? uhh. OH i do remember, i bawled the other week at the ending of s1e5 of ted lasso lmao. tv doesn't usually get me but that did the trick ;~;

3. do you have kids? nope!

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? hmmm i used to be very sarcastic when i was younger and i don't do it on purpose anymore but i think i do probably still have some holdover from that lol, so... kinda?

5. what sports do you play/have you played? when i was a little kid i did gymnastics for a bit, i played soccer for a year, and i did a number of years each of karate, ballet, and tap dance. gave it all up before i hit high school, tho

6. what’s the first thing you notice about other people? hmm i think usually hair? sometimes outfit

7. what’s your eye color? blue but with a lot of yellow so they tend to look greyish to me, idk

8. scary movies or happy endings? happy endings! im mega weenie hut junior, cant handle the spookies at all<3

9. any special talents? im rly good at getting up to go to the kitchen right when the microwave or toaster oven is about to ding

10. where were you born? delaware :P

11. what are your hobbies? god dont ask me this. okay. crochet, writing, drawing, reading (books/comics), collecting comics, video games, listening to podcasts, occasionally gardening or doing bobbin lace, learning new hobbies i don't need,

12. do you have any pets? no but i want a dog soooo bad :(

13. how tall are you? 5'0.... technically 5'0.5 but i slouch so i think it cancels out lol

14. favorite subject? history! and ethics tbh

15. dream job? honestly? getting paid to fuck around with whatever weird lark catches my attention. i come up with a lot of ideas for websites while im in the bath lol. realistically? i like what i'm doing rn, which is bookkeeping, so if i'm thinking about advancement, forensic accounting could be interesting? or maybe i'll just stick with bookkeeping lol

tagging @applejee @feralratman @batfam-chaos @mindshelter @roseworth @junkoandthediamonds aaaand whoever else wants to!

[ineffablyendless]

Tag Game To Better Know You! Send this to people you'd like to know better!

Tagged by @munsonsbabygirlie , thank u Chromie! Last year, technically, that i keep forgetting to do but this feels like a nice way to start the New Year!

Book Im currently reading:

American Gods by Neil Gaiman! I'm trying to get a bit more into reading this year, but its been a hot minute and im crawling by slower than I expected. That being said I've got a whole list waiting for me, and I'm incredibly enjoying AG so far <3

What I usually wear:

Blue, if I'm being honest. Its not my actual favourite colour, but it's my comfort one. I can't reliably say jeans even: ive really grown into a good pair of slacks. Tho i suppose if youre trying to imagine me, think blue jeans, a battered second hand pair of yellowing high tops, a white tshirt and an old plaid shirt, and ive been told i wear my hijab a very recognizable way 😭 also blue

How tall I am:

157 cm last i checked, 5 feet exactly in american measurements i think...?

My star sign. Do I know any celebrities or historical event that shares it:

Im a libra! Im sure plenty of people got born and big events happened in the first half of October, but nothing comes to mind immediately. I suppose i dont care enough to remember, lol

Do I go by a name or nickname:

Nickname. I go by Choice in all cyberspaces. It's a name that endeared itself to me many years ago, its nothing close to my actual name, and I enjoy the broad line of separation between my lives on and offline. Irl tho, i usually dont go by a nickname, at least nothing used by anyone outside family, and thats even MORE closely guarded. So.

Did I grow up to be what I wanted to be as a child:

I was an angry, suicidal, incredibly hurt child, and I had no true ambition besides finding joy and holding on to it with both hands. I wanted to be content and left alone, most of all. I wanted to be happy.

I'm a lot happier now. It's an uphill battle. Baby me would be glad to see where I am now tho i think. I hope

Something I'm good at vs Something I'm bad at:

I am. Very good at speaking. I take pride in this, many have told me I have the innate talent with words and the know how to lead a team and control a room. I know how to get myself listened. On paper, I know what I want said. Many things. Words are a power I wield well.

Vs

I am, sincerely, not very good at empathy, nor sympathy. I struggle to look outside my periphery, to crawl outside my own head and pop my own bubble. I have come across as-not cold, but callous, cruel, a little uncaring. I feel less remorse for this than I should, I think. I try, but thats not enough sometimes. I sincerely do not care of other opinions and perspectives as default. I like to think im better at it now. I'm aware of it. But its still a problem

If I draw or write, what's my favourite of anything I created this year?

Im taking that to mean 2022. I guess this line from my fic A Cosmic Kiss?

Millenia ago, a comet had come to strike down the surface of the earth like a Holy hand clearing a table, and decimated all that had ever existed, and it had been the end of things. It had been the beginning. It had moved with the leisure of treacle towards its purpose in the indifferent void, but close, close, pulled into the orbit of the earth with speed to singe the atoms of air. Creation, by the guide of Destruction. Life, then Death, then Life again. Such was the way of things. Fires that last are the ones that waited. Paradoxes; sudden, and not. 

Such was their way.

It was the first thing that struck me to write the one shot, the one partially inspired by Puppet History, and would be the ongoing theme of the fic. Its quite good, i have to admit. Im glad the fic went over well.

Dogs or cats:

Cats. Nothing against a sweet puppy, but I prefer the chill leisure of your everyday feline thank you very much.

Something I would like to make content for:

All my fandoms. All of it. I write less than I honestly should; Sandman and Watcher and Good Omens and OFMD

Something I was excited about that turned out to dissappoint me:

*blinks* Oh God, i cant think of anything. Theres that book carnival, but it was a surprise, and it exceeded my poor memory and expectations, even if I didnt find what i was looking for. Hmm. If anything dissapointed me, it doesnt come to mind.

Hidden talent:

I have no idea ❤

Something I wish to have at this very moment:

A bite of chocolate. Maybe a cookie. But I'm broke enough to keep an eye out for the bank account and i cant afford such luxuries. Im even out of cocoa. Sigh.

Tagging @freddykicksasses @ennas-aesthetic @wannabecoyote @waistcoat35 @youre-platinum-pussycat

[satoruvt]

for a moment i forget to worry

pairing → xu minghao x reader

word count → 3196

genre → fluff + angst, college au ↳ tags: strangers to friends to lovers </3, college kinda sux, ROOMMATE CHAN MAKES AN APPEARANCE OR TWO, dance major minghao, reader is completely lost but its ok who isnt, lots of cute couple stuff, pov ur entire relationship with minghao. thats it, a sad break up scene, a solid amount of crying

summary → there’s something about minghao. maybe it’s the way he dances, vibrant and youthful, or maybe it’s the way he loves you. based off of hunger by florence + the machine.

warnings → i hint at sex but its pretty vague, i also mention a breakdown type deal (revolving around school/life after school)

a/n → first of all this was NOT supposed to be 3k words i dont know how it happened. second of all i’m only kind of happy with this HAHA i feel like the story itself isnt bad but i wanted it to match the song more ... idk :/ i hope u guys like it regardless !!!

pieces of you masterlist

The first time you see him is by accident.

Really - all you’re doing is trying to find Chan. You’re passing by the practice rooms, looking into them in hope he’ll be there, stopping to gaze at decorations and medals and trophies lined up on the walls. It’s when you approach a room that music plays from that you think you’ve found Chan, but when you gaze in, it’s definitely not him.

You don’t know who it is, but he moves like nothing you’ve ever seen before.

It’s hypnotizing, almost makes you want to drop your things and dance with him. There’s a sense of youth that comes from him and it’s almost overwhelming - but it’s not in energy, necessarily, but rather from the precision of his movements, the technicalities that he seems to both follow and break at the same time. Something vibrant seeps out between the seams of his body, colors you can barely recognize as they splash against anything they can reach. It’s almost tangible. 

You watch him long enough for him to finish his performance (an unknowing one) with the last notes of a song you forgot was even playing. His eyes meet with yours, slow as he completes an eloquent turn, and at the same time, a hand meets your shoulder.

A small wave of embarrassment washes over you, and you turn towards whoever touched you, effectively breaking eye contact. “What are you doing here?” Chan asks, hair still wet from what you assume was a shower.

“Looking for you,” you tell him, following as he starts to walk towards the exit. “I wanted lunch, and you owe me for that time I took your British literature quiz for you.”

Chan groans but agrees to pay, and you laugh, though the world seems a little paler than it did a few moments ago.

The second time you see him is by chance.

(Maybe.)

You’re waiting for a lecture to start, tapping your fingers against your laptop idly as you watch students trickle in last minute. It’s not a strict course, but it does start at nine in the morning, and most everyone shows up with a coffee.

You look down to brush a stray hair off of your table, and when you look up again, the dancer from before walks through the door, then looks right at you.

You feel a blush heat your face and it’s like he wants to make sure that you know that he knows, because he almost refuses to look away. You break eye contact first (like the last time, you remember for no reason) but still watch as his figure moves up the stairs, past the rows, and you hope he’ll just move past you too…

He doesn’t. He takes the empty seat right next to yours, and you don’t say anything, instead finding the peeling sticker on your laptop incredibly interesting. The professor comes in and decides that today he’ll take extra long to set everything up, apparently, and you want to scream.

“So,” the dancer says, voice quiet. It takes your breath away, the way he sounds. “Mind if I ask why you were watching me the other day?”

You cast a glance at him - not too long, you don’t think you could handle more than five seconds tops - and finally open your laptop so it makes you look busy. “I was waiting for a friend.”

“And?”

The smile in his voice is palpable. You’re already exasperated.

“You…” you start, finally deciding to look at him as some sort of subconscious power move. “You’re a beautiful dancer. It was hard not to watch.”

Beautiful doesn’t even cover half of it, but you figure he already thinks you’re weird for watching him, so you hold back the thoughts of youth and vibrancy and color. The dancer looks at you, almost blank for a moment, before a soft smile draws itself on his face. It makes your heart beat a little faster. He says “thank you” with a gentle tone, sincerely felt.

The class starts, and the two of you don’t speak throughout the next hour and a half. You type out notes on your laptop and you see him write down names of the paintings being shown on the projector, little thoughts and notes written afterwards.

By the end of class, your professor assigns an optional partnered project, and you’re more than prepared to head back to your apartment and start on it yourself. The dancer stops you before you leave, however, asks if you’d like to be his partner.

(And he says it like that, would you like to be my partner, polite and somehow sweet.)

You know your answer. “I don’t even know your name,” you stall, standing from your chair. 

“Minghao,” he tells you. “I’m Minghao, and I’d like for you to be my partner.”

You say yes easily, put your number into his contacts even easier. The sky is blue when you leave the lecture hall, trees dotted with pink and purple flowers, and it is all so bright that you forget it wasn’t this way in the first place.

The third time you see him is for school.

Underneath the excitement of giving Minghao your number, there is the knowledge that it’s for the sake of an assignment. He texts you the day after to ask if you’re free to meet up to work and you tell him sure.

(Sure is what you send back, but he doesn’t have to know that you burst into Chan’s room immediately after, plunging face first into his bed just to scream into his pillows. Chan had sighed, turned around in his desk chair to look at you, then asked what happened. He gave you two minutes to rant and then kicked you out, back to your own room.)

You and Minghao agreed to meet at the library on a day that neither of you had any afternoon classes, and you get there early, spend some time working on other classes. You have somewhere around thirty minutes to freak out to yourself before you see Minghao come in, dressed like he knows what he’s doing to you (which is really just a hoodie and jeans, but you think it’s the cap that really pulls the whole boyfriend look together), smiling when he finds you at a table in the corner.

“How are you?” is the first thing he says when he sits down, and you pull down your laptop screen a little to see him better.

“I’m good,” you say, feeling your heart pound. “What about you?”

Minghao sends you a kind smile. “Really good. Should we get started?”

You lose count of how many times you see him after that.

Meeting up to work on the project soon becomes just meeting up, and after the project’s done and turned in, it happens even more. You hang out and get lunch, send each other texts and stupid videos, take walks around campus together. The weeks pass, summer mellows into fall, then into the early days of winter. You develop a genuine friendship with him, finding comfort in his presence, looking for him wherever you go. 

(Although the crush is still there, potent and patient, stubborn in a way you’ve never experienced before. You wonder if it’s a sign of some sort.)

You’re in one of the practice rooms with him, sitting in the corner. You had a class nearby and he’d wanted to practice a little more, so you told him you’d work on your own stuff while he finished up and then the two of you could grab something to eat.

But you made a small error on your part - the dancing. You’d forgotten the way he moves (you haven’t seen him dance since that first time) and in no time at all you’re letting your screen go dark in front of you and watching him. Honestly, it’s not your fault, you really can’t help it. 

But of course he notices.

Minghao meets your eyes through the mirror and raises his eyebrows at you, and all you can do is look away, desperately try to get your laptop up and running again so at least it seems like you weren’t watching him for too long.

“You’re staring,” he says, long after you’ve looked away.

“Sorry,” you tell him anyways, immediate, quick. 

Then he says, “I never said anything about stopping.”

In a second, you look up from your laptop and up at him. He moves closer, crouches in front of you. His eyes are kind - they’re never not - but you think you see something a little more in them. “Sorry, I think I missed that last part,” you respond, blinking. Minghao smiles like you’re endearing.

“I said I want you to keep looking at me.”

You think you’re barely breathing when he shuts your laptop for you, slides it off of your lap and onto the floor (gently, with care, and it’s a wonder to you how he can focus on that right now). He practically crawls over you, one of his hands eventually reaching the junction of your jaw and neck and holding there. “I’m gonna kiss you now, if that’s okay,” he says, but doesn’t move. You nod as soon as his words reach your brain, eager and quick.

And the next few hours get a little wound up in your head, a little mixed in with the feeling of his body - that moves so youthfully, with so much vibrancy that it reaches everything around you - melting into yours and the sound of him asking you to tell me what you need, honey, and the still-playing slow jam music he was practicing to.

You watch him sleep next to you, hand curled around yours against his pillows, and think that nothing bad could ever touch him.

The two of you… come together, after that.

Neither you nor Minghao use any proper labels, but you both seem to know. No labels are needed, really. You have each other and that’s all there is to it. And everything is really good.

You work together and laugh together like you’ve always known each other. He tries to teach you to dance with him when you’re in the practice room with him, pulls you up by your hands and guides you through your giggles. He was the first person you called when you realized that you had no idea what you were working towards, didn’t have a clue what you actually wanted to do with your life. He gets along well with your friends and you text his because they’re basically yours, now, too.

Winter turns back into spring, slow and easy. Vibrant and youthful. You’re not able to meet Minghao’s parents, but he meets yours (and you’re sure a quick introduction to his mom over a FaceTime call has to count for something). The two of you take advantage of the newfound warmth of the season and try to get out as much as you’re able to, with picnics and city dates and anything you can think of. A drawer in his dresser is reserved for your things, you bought an extra toothbrush for him to use when he stays over.

You watch him dance. It still feels like the first time, like color and breathlessness. You tell him he’s beautiful every time, feel yourself fall a little deeper when he still gets bashful amidst his comedown. You tell him you love him for the first time after he gets done with a performance - a proper one, for a showcase of the dance club he’s in. He says it back.

You think he put all the stars in the sky just for the two of you to gaze at them together.

Things shift the beginning of your junior year.

Minghao tells you about a program he’s applying to, a proper dance academy in New York that could really kickstart his career. Training under some of the best choreographers and performers in the world.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You ask him after he tells you, and he shrugs, leaning back in his chair. You’re studying at his apartment tonight.

“It’s just…” he frowns. “It’s so far away, you know?”

Oh. You hadn’t even thought about that, too caught up in the excitement of him being able to apply at all. A quick sigh leaves your lips, and then you reach for his hand, hold it between both of your own.

“That’s okay,” you tell him, though now that you’re thinking about it, you feel nervousness in the pit of your stomach. “We can work something out, though, when we get that far. We’ll figure it out.”

Minghao nods, a fond look in his eyes. He pulls one of your hands to his lips. “We’ll think about it if I even get accepted,” he says.

It’s bittersweet, but a promise nonetheless.

Fifteen minutes after you get a call from Minghao, there’s a knock on your door. 

You wouldn’t necessarily say you’re worried, but, well. Everyone’s experienced the jump of anxiety when they get hit with the “I want to talk to you about something” line. Nonetheless, you stand from the couch to open the door, mentally preparing yourself for any and everything. 

“Hey,” you greet when you see Minghao, opening the door to let him in. His face is unreadable. “Everything okay?”

He walks a few steps into your apartment, waits for you to close the door before turning back around to face you. Then he holds up a piece of paper, the creases from where it was folded still bending. You send him a confused look.

“I got in,” he says, a grin breaking on his face, and you blink, then feel your jaw practically hit the floor. Minghao only nods like he understands, and before you know what you’re doing, you launch yourself at him, holding him close.

“Oh my god, Hao, that’s amazing,” you say into his sweater, then step back to get a proper look at him. Youthful, vibrant. “I’m so proud of you.”

He seems to soften at your words, pulls you back into him again with a gentle kiss to your head. “Thank you for believing in me,” he tells you, tenderness palpable in his voice. All you can do is squeeze him tighter.

Minghao spends a lot of time away from you after that.

You’re not really hurt in any way - even though he got into the academy in New York, he still has to practice. You get it, this is important. He doesn’t text you as often, isn’t able to stop by as much, and you miss him, but you know how much this means for him. But it gets… weird, almost, after a while. Strange, even for him. It feels weird that he’s set to leave at the end of January and it’s December and he’s distant.

Both of you are laying in your bed, looking at the glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling, when you decide to bring it up. “You’ve been… kinda far away lately,” you start, nudging him with your shoulder gently. “Everything okay?”

His eyes stay on your ceiling, but you feel the way he sighs. “It’s about the program,” he says.

“Okay.”

“And about… you and me.”

Oh. That doesn’t… sound the best. “About, like… what we’re gonna do?”

Minghao nods.

You say, “I wouldn’t mind visiting every so often. It’d be hard, but I’m sure we could find something to work.”

Minghao shakes his head, says, “no.”

You pause, and when you look at him he’s already looking at you. What does he mean by no? Does he want you to move with him? Or does he -

He reaches for your hand and you think oh.

His eyes are a little glassy. You feel the tears come, too.

“Oh,” you say out loud. Minghao squeezes your hand. “So this is… this is it?”

Your room is suddenly cold, and you want to crawl under the covers and stay there. The person in front of you is blurred into something unrecognizable, but you can’t be bothered to blink away your tears.

“I think so, love,” he whispers back to you. “I think it has to be.”

The two of you cry like that for a while. In your bed, loosely intertwined and broken. Even the way Minghao cries carries a kind of vibrancy that’s overwhelming, makes you think of the first time you saw him so long ago, and now -

When you manage to get a better grip on yourself, you ask him if you can still see him off at the airport. He says, “I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t.”

Then you ask if you can kiss him again. He responds by kissing you first. 

And it’s sad, it tastes like salt and sorrow and you feel like the promises you never got the chance to make are broken. It feels like the most beautiful blue you’ve ever seen, and you know it’s only a branch of Minghao’s color.

He leaves soon after that, pulls on his shoes and his coat and turns around at the door to give you a tired smile. After he’s gone, you drag yourself to Chan’s bedroom, and once he sees the state you’re in, he offers up one side of his bed. Neither of you say anything, but the friendly reassurance of his hand in yours says enough.

You don’t fail to notice that everything seems to be washed out, a blandness you’re not used to.

The last time you see him is at the airport.

It’s a cold day, despite being sunny. The airport offers little warmth, but you figure it doesn’t matter. You won’t be here for long. 

It doesn’t take you very long to find Minghao - you still look for him wherever you go, even if you’re not looking for him. Even then, it’s still so easy for you to find him, to pinpoint that vibrancy, that youth. He’s talking to a few others, you think you met them. Soonyoung and Jun.

Minghao meets your eyes and you freeze, but then he waves you over with a gentle smile. You follow like you think you always will. 

You greet Soonyoung and Jun and the four of you talk, albeit a little awkwardly, even when Soonyoung tries his hardest to lighten the mood. Eventually he has to leave, and Jun follows with a shy goodbye. They both hug Minghao before they go.

You’re not sure what to say, but after a minute, you find words. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you,” you tell him, a little selfishly. 

Minghao says, “you’ll do good. I know you will. I’m not worried about you.”

He pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time, and you think he’ll give you a stiff and sad goodbye, but he steps a little closer to you. Looks at you the way he used to.

“Maybe…” he starts, then pauses. “Maybe we’ll meet again.”

Maybe, you think. Maybe.

“I hope so,” you tell him, then watch as he leaves.

[lillupon]

So, I've got a very long rant/opinion here and Idk really know how to say this without coming off kinda bad but I'm gonna say it anyways. I agree with the fact that the seventeen tag has been kinda dry lately on most fanfic places, but it's really only in the smut area. It's the sane way with other groups too I feel like. All of the nice little innocent tags are boomin to this day and thats completely fine. I think the smut tag is dry tho bc lately I feel like a few social issues (like sexualizing people and disrespecting them and their identity) have crossed over into kpop and have been ?blown out of proportion? Lately there's been a rampage of people who like to say that writing smut about someone is disgusting and is dehumanizing because people want to assume that it would make the idols uncomfortable which could equate to some morality issues on how you are reducing someone only to their body without their consent and a bunch of stuff like that. It kind of pisses me off bc this is fiction. About grown adults. Clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life. I think a shit ton is wrong with the world we currently live in, and deciding to come after something that isn't even real bothers me. Like what does that actually accomplish. But yeah, I think thats a reason why smut has been dying down. I mean, on youtube almost every video about unpopular opinions, or things they dont like about kpop will include something about shipping idols in fanfics. And then everyone in the comment section will talk about how its all fine and dandy in moderation, but once people start writing smut it's crossing the idols personal boundaries. It's something I've been seeing a lot more often and I think people who are interested in writing smut are being turned away from it bc we've gotten to a point where people are being called disgusting for having fantasies.

Hi Anon, thank you for sending in this Ask. 

I want to preface this by saying: when I write or talk about Mingyu and Wonwoo fucking on my blog, it is a fantasy. I am not speculating about what the real Mingyu and Wonwoo might be like in bed. I am imagining the versions of Mingyu and Wonwoo that I have created in my head, that exist only in my stories. None of it is real. I understand that this can be a blurry boundary for some people. But for me, the separation between fantasy and reality is well-defined. Now, on to your Ask!

You’ve hit the nail on the head with this one. You’ve also touched on many of the issues I have been struggling with myself as of late. It’s difficult to argue about morals since everyone has a different set of values, as well as different comfort levels. Some people think real person fiction (RPF) is a gross invasion of privacy. Others are fine with it. And others don’t care one way or another. There is no single answer; I can only offer my answer. Which means, of course, people are welcome to disagree with it, or parts of it. 

In this essay (LOL But forreal: this is an essay), I will be sharing my experience in the k-pop fanfic community from 2014 to present, the etiquette I personally abide by as a reader and writer of RPF, as well as my stance on RPF in general.

I started reading and posting fanfics back in 2014/2015 on a website called AsianFanfics (AFF). Obviously, no one on that site had a problem with RPF, since AFF is a platform made specifically for sharing stories about Asian celebrities. For many years, I read and enjoyed RPF with zero guilt. I scribbled away by myself in my own corner of fandom and curated my own content. I didn’t interact much with other fans, readers, or writers. I didn’t have a Twitter, and I only used tumblr to reblog memes. As a result, I’ve been able to avoid a lot of anti-shipping discourse, as well as purity and cancel culture. I had no idea there were so many negative opinions about RPF. It wasn’t until I became active on the subreddit r/Fanfiction last year that I learned about all the discourse surrounding RPF. 

This newfound ‘awareness’ does make me feel guilty at times—but only because after mulling this over, I still don’t think this is something to feel guilty about.

Here’s what I remember, first and foremost, when I create and consume RPF: fanfics and my favourite ships are fictional, and fiction is fantasy. This is basic etiquette when it comes to RPF, and most people in the k-pop fandom understand this. Delusional fans exist, of course, but they are not representative of the entire k-pop community. 

Another point of etiquette is to keep fanfics within fandom spaces. I would never push my fics into celebrities’ faces, or go around claiming that my fanfics are accurate representations of a k-idol’s life or personality, in any way, shape, or form. I would also discourage directing ship-related questions to official accounts, or bringing them up during fansigns or other face-to-face interactions; I believe that in these instances, shipping does have the potential to strain real-life relationships.

So with basic etiquette out of the way, let me share my approach to RPF in general.

As much as we like to think we know our favourite celebrities, we really don’t. All we see is their public persona. And this public persona is intentionally controlled, managed, and curated by a team of people: directors, tabloids, editors, makeup artists, publicists, etc. How “real” are these celebrities? We are so distanced from them that they may as well be fictional.

I draw from the public persona that idols project, and I work them into my own writing. But at the end of the day, these personalities are my own interpretation. My interpretation is probably nothing like an idol’s actual personality. I just use the “public persona/character” that idols portray as inspiration for my own stories, which are set in wildly different universes.

More than anything, I think of k-pop idols as “actors” in my fic. You know how when you write an original novel, you scroll through Google images, looking for the perfect person to portray your original character? RPF is literally that, except you might build upon pre-existing dynamics and personalities.

When it comes to explicit fanfiction, two main concerns are prevalent: one of consent, and one of sexualisation.

If we argue against explicit RPF due to lack of consent, we should be willing to apply the same lens to all explicit works. How do we know that the creator of a movie, book, series, etc., is okay with us using their characters in our stories, explicit or not? We don’t. Perhaps some creators encourage fanfiction, but don’t want their lovingly crafted characters engaging in sexual acts or experiencing trauma. We just don’t know. I feel this line is even more blurred when we talk about characters from movies or TV series.

Let’s take Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes, as portrayed by Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, from the Captain America movies as an example. I am willing to bet that when people consume and create explicit fanfiction about Steve and Bucky, they are imagining Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan in their heads. I doubt many people are imagining the 2D cartoon versions of Steve and Bucky, even though they’re technically the exact same characters. Why? Well, it could be because movies are more readily and easily consumed than comics, and so people are unfamiliar with comic book Steve and Bucky. But it might also be because fans find Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan attractive. Is this really any different from RPF, where fic authors make up everything about a celebrity’s life?  

When readers and writers of fanfic talk about how hot Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes is, those comments are about Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan’s bodies. When reading explicit stories, fans are going to picture Chris and Sebastian’s bodies in their head, doing sexual things. Can we say, “Well, it’s not really you, Chris/Sebastian”, when in a way, it is?

The reality is, people are going to thirst over celebrities, regardless of whether or not explicit fanfiction exists. They’re going to post thirst tweets on Twitter. They’re going to talk to friends and strangers online about how hot [insert celebrity name here] is. They’re going to fantasize about dating and having sex with their favourite celebrity. Or, as it is in my case, they’re going to make up stories in their heads about their favourite idols dating and banging each other. People are going to do all of this without ‘getting consent’ from the celebrity. Cracking down upon and shaming writers of RPF isn’t going to change any of that.

To be honest, I’m not sure why people think it is disgusting to imagine sexual scenarios about real people. It is okay and normal to have these kinds of fantasies. I suppose the alternative is to fantasise about having sex with cartoon characters instead? It’s a very binary way of thinking to say that if you imagine/write real people in explicit scenarios, you are immediately sexualising, dehumanising, or objectifying them. There is more to dehumanisation than writing smut about our favourite celebrities. For one thing, you can love someone and appreciate all parts of them, and still want to fuck their brains out. And generally, fanfics come from a place of love—love that is not only sexual in nature.

Is it the sharing aspect inherent to fanfiction? The possibility that a celebrity might stumble upon explicit works about them? The chances are very low, I think, of the k-pop idols I enjoy writing about coming across my English fics. But I also believe in curating your own content, and that applies to celebrities too. Perhaps a celebrity should not go searching for fanfics about themselves. And of course, people should not show celebrities their fanfics, unless invited.

Another argument I hear against (explicit) RPF is, “How would you feel if someone wrote fanfiction about you?” First off, I don’t like this argument because there’s a difference between someone who decides to be a public figure versus someone who decides to remain a regular private citizen. Celebrities should and do know what they’re getting into when they choose their occupation. (This is not to say, “They are celebrities; sexualise them all you want because that’s what they signed up for.” Here, I am only acknowledging that people might have sexual fantasies about celebrities they are attracted to. Presumably, celebrities are cognizant of this.)  

If someone (whose existence I am not even aware of, mind you) decides they want to write explicit fanfiction of me in some tiny corner of the Internet, I wouldn’t care so long as: (1) they don’t shove it into my face, and (2) they don’t harass me and ask invasive questions about my personal life and relationships. It’s not hurting me or negatively affecting my life, so it wouldn’t even register as a blip on my radar. When fanfiction remains within its appropriate spaces, it is largely harmless. 

Now, if a k-pop idol were to ask their fans to stop writing fanfiction about them, would I? Yes, I would. However, I can’t imagine that happening. Judging by the number of ‘sexy’ concepts, fanservice moments, and variety shows such as ‘We Got Married’, I am certain that k-pop idols realise they are the stars of many fantasies—some of which are explicit in nature. Considering the prevalence of shipping in the k-pop industry, I would argue that shipping is subtly encouraged.

It’s sad that so many talented writers are shamed out of fandom, or feel that k-pop cannot be the medium through which they tell their stories, or explore their sexuality, or cope with trauma, or simply have fun. Professional works and Hollywood love their RPF—readers and writers of fanfics should be able to, as well. 

As you said Anon, “clamping down on horny people who simp over hot asian men isn't going to solve the issues we face in real life” (this is a lovely sentence, by the way). The kind of person who dehumanises another and reduces them to a sexual object will do so some other way, if not via fanfiction. I don’t think the issue of fetishisation can be fixed simply by telling people not to write explicit RPF. In my experience, people who read and write RPF are more respectful and thoughtful about these things than the general public. We’ve all seen the general public say highly sexual things about celebrities in the media and to their faces, or tag celebrities in their thirst tweets. Are these things less invasive than fanfiction? Personally, I don’t think so. And in my opinion, there are more pressing and damaging issues in stan culture than fanfic.

In conclusion, I don’t think there is anything wrong with creating and consuming RPF, both explicit and non-explicit so long as we:

Remember we are writing fiction

Keep RPF within its appropriate space, and

Do not harass celebrities about their personal lives and relationships

RPF is not for everyone. There may be people who enjoy RPF, but draw the line at explicit stories. This is fine. Everyone has their own personal preferences. What is not fine, however, is attacking people for creating things you don’t like. I’m not sure what kind of moral crusade people are on and what they hope to achieve by shaming writers of RPF, explicit or otherwise. Ultimately, fic authors are writing a fantasy. It’s not real; no one is being hurt. I think it’s important for people to curate their own content, and AO3 makes it very easy to filter out explicit works and unwanted tags. 

Maybe this is me trying to justify my own participation in explicit RPF—I don’t know. What I do know is that I love k-pop, and fandom is an important part of my media and entertainment experience. I adore the k-pop idols I write about, and I just want to imagine them being happy and getting lots of love and orgasms. Let a bitch be horny, goddamn… 

Some bonus fun facts!

At the time I am writing this, on AO3:

26.2% of Stray Kids fanfics are rated M or E

26.3% of Seventeen fanfics are rated M or E

29.0% of Merlin fanfics are rated M or E

34.9% of Captain America (Movies) fanfics are rated M or E

40.1% of BTS fanfics are rated M or E ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Coincidentally, I saw this post on Reddit this morning: Can we have a RPF positivity post?

[marcvsaurelivs]

Tag Game

Got tagged by @darthvaderofmiddle-earth

I always love a good opportunity to talk about myself lol, Thanks!

apple juice or orange juice (I like both equally but I love cider which is apple juice adjacent) | breakfast in bed or dinner in a blanket fort (Though I prefer breakfast the mechanic of eating breakfast in bed are not great, not to mention crumbs) | peanut butter or butterscotch | rain or snow | water park or amusement park (admittedly don’t have much water park experience but roller coasters and fun houses are hard to beat) | guitar or violin (Funnily enough, not the one I technically know how to play since I played viola for years, but I think guitar would beat out viola as well even if that was the other option anyways) | flip flops or sneakers (What can I say, I’m a runner) | big cats or bears (I feel obligated since most of my school mascots have been big cats) | ocean or lake (I like the beach but I’m more of a mountain/woods person so lake fits in, plus you can go tubing and stuff on a lake) | bonfire or picnic (Fuego) | draw or write (While I like both about the same and also equally mediocre at both I think I do more writing, or at least thinking about it in relation to recreation) | oak or mahogany (Big fan of the classic dark wood study) | volleyball or tennis (PRO BEACH!) | key chains or postcards (I like the pictures, plus I like key chains but also feel the urge to actively use them all and I just don’t have that many keys) | queso or salsa (I like salsa over queso but my real answer would be my aunts 7 bean dip) | skateboard or rollerblades (Anyone else remember early 2000′s when tony hawk was a house hold name and everyone was obsessed with tech decks) | porch or patio (While I like a good porch, patios can have fire pits or similar) | love quotes or inspirational quotes (I like good quotes in general but a good quote about love can tear you heart out and that's what its all about) | hearts or stars (Don’t have anything for this one but feel weird not leaving a comment lol) | backpack or duffle bag (I like backpacking and would never take a duffle to do that, and by all accounts even for normal camping a backpack is more practical, organized, etc. however, I like a good duffle bag even if its not one that would technically hold more stuff) | orchard or garden (Trees.) | baby bunnies or baby ducks (Turtle if you ever see this I apologize) | pastels or earth tones (I was kinda on the fence between the two then glanced at my closest full of darker tones and colors lol) | new york city or los angeles (I have very little practical basis for this so its mostly I think I connect better with NYC’s vibes) | secret stairs or secret tunnel (so I almost went with secret tunnel, but it occured to me that secret stairs could imply secret upper floor) | street magician or escape artist (escape artisits are cool but I have at different times known/attempted to learn various close up card magic and I just think its the coolest) | fairies or gnomes (Big fan of Irish mythology as well as the feywild in d&d so I just have to go for the good people) | comedy or mystery (Comedy is great but I just love a classic mystery, side note I should look into reading Agatha Christie) | purple or green (As I’m doing this my hair is purlple soooo, though I think I need to redye it soon) | daisies or dandelions (I like the gold color, also the bonus of making a wish, ps Golden Dandelions by Barns Courtney is superb) | crayon or chalk (don’t care that much for using either but I like looking at all the colors) | sunglasses tinted blue or sunglasses tinted yellow (Honestly this mostly comes from what I think would go with most of my clothes) | bracelets or rings (I like both and dont have enough of either but I just like rings better) | question mark or exclamation point (I like these more aesthetically, plus the Riddler is one of my favorite batman villain's aestically, not the green and yellow though, the suit cane and bowler hat and his kinda classy mannerisms)

So for tagging I guess Ill tag @orahnay and @emerald-wolfe since those are really the only people I interact with on here.

[beaglesfoundindumpsters]

yippee for the tag :)) i <3 my IT mutuals

1. are you named after anyone?

yeah!! my birth name was after a famous actress and director (not revealing my deadname on here LOLLLLLL) and “charles” was after. charlie slimecicle so yuh

2. when was the last time you cried? 

uhhh me and my brother fought and it was very bad, but i dont cry often

3. do you have kids? 

nah brah

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? 

not excessively, but yeah

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people? 

probably hair or voice? idk

6. what’s your eye colour? 

brown with the smallest tad of green technically

7. scary movies or happy ending? 

usually scary movies :)) im a horror nerd

8. any special talents? 

um.. not really! just normal talents

9. where were you born?

CHICAGO ILLINOIS BOYSSS

10. what are your hobbies? 

writing, reading, drum, guitar, music in general, drawing, rock collecting, having too many hobbies, watching shows

11. do you have any pets? 

zuzu the stinkiest dog in the world

12. what sports do you play/have you played? 

i swim and it SUCKS

13. how tall are you? 

5′3 or 5′4 i dont remember (160 or 162 cm)

14. favourite subject at school? 

probs math or science ig!

15. dream job? 

god, i would LOVE to be a drummer, but thats unlikely. so geologist ! (glacial geology or mineralogy probs) 

okay yassss omg @hecksee @wonder-womans-ex @silvermistwasmygayawakening​ (idc if youre in residential eddie GAH) and yeah anyone else who sees i do not know tags off the top of my head TwT

15 Questions | 15 People

thank you for the tag @squintclover @tracingpatternswrites @sweetpeasandlilies <3

1. are you named after anyone? danyal, a prophet in shia islam

2. when was the last time you cried? while reading Wasteland by @heartofspells ASK HER literally sent her a video of me sobbing

3. do you have kids? yes!! two little gremlins of my own + 7 younger siblings who are technically all my kids too

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? not really

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people? accent/dialect/speech

6. what’s your eye colour? dark brown

7. scary movies or happy ending? both?

8. any special talents? i can blind type in 3 languages on any keyboard (en, ar, he)

9. where were you born? in a terror camp in south Lebanon

10. what are your hobbies? writing fic reading fic talking about fic. cooking

11. do you have any pets? no

12. what sports do you play/have you played? tennis, cycling, running

13. how tall are you? 173cm

14. favourite subject at school? idk i dropped out early

15. dream job? pretty much what i have right now. freelance translating + editing from home. only goal is to get more clients make more money doing it.

no-pressure tagging @roalinda @gracelesslady23 @artemisia-black @whywhywhymoney @ambrxsiaa @mxlfoydraco @broomsticks and anyone who wants to do it

[gaybullies]

tagged by: @cheerynoir

rules: tag 9 people you'd like to get to know better!

three ships: hanbrough...... ben and eddie is oddly hard to figure out a ship name for but I love that one. stozier!

last song: last song I listened to uhh let me check my youtube history.  technically “nutcracker” and it was a princess tutu amv but the last song I liek intentionally listened to was buttercup (jack stauber) or animal (neon trees) if i remember right

currently reading: oh god what am I reading. okay like the little white bird I think? but more recently and more true to the current thing it’s. rps ive had between me n my friends!!

currently watching: oh is this supposed to be like rn or shows. uhm. okay ive been watching shark boy and lava girl over and over again recently. comfort. in the middle of watching how to get away w/ murder and crazy ex girlfriend but kiddos moved in while I was in the middle of those shows (they are NOT kid appropriate) and I havent been able to watch them since bc they go to bed at like 8 and by then im tired too.

currently consuming: last thing I ate was dry raisin bran and water bc my neice is very sweet and her idea of food is this.

currently craving: roleplays with like three specific ppl honestly but we r all always busy. some alone time or down time bc there’s so many ppl living here and i cannot have any. to draw or write but idk what to draw or write! maybe I should go back to one of the fanfictions on here that I have started.....

tagging: @kenzie-ann27 I know we talk much of the time but also.... i feel like i dont know enough abt you! also i miss you. @hot-tea-and-sweater-paws what is goin on in your life fam. @imsicksartblog what’s goin on in YOUR life? @cezulian love u miss u. @starboystan hewwo! @richietheteenagewerewolf yeah... miss you!!! @batriddler @underthespellofparlay @hocksteter @theatlanticaprincess