#<= technically not drawing but i dont remember if i have a writing tag. and if i do

[squipdop]

the first God who ever answers your prayers is a man who bares his neck for you.

he answers your plea for blood in a foolish show of unearned trust you find yourself unable to betray.

the taste burns on your tongue like sunlight should on your skin.

and yet for the first time in two hundred years, you are fed.

the first God who ever answers your prayers is a man willing to die of his devotion.

the curse in his chest, the promise of forgiveness, your teeth in his neck.

as you drink your fill, you wonder what will get him first.

the first God who ever answers your prayers is not yet a God at all.

but you are the first to pray to him.

[alfheimr]

My Favorite Cheap Art Trick: Gradient Maps and Blending Modes

i get questions on occasion regarding my coloring process, so i thought i would do a bit of a write up on my "secret technique." i don't think it really is that much of a secret, but i hope it can be helpful to someone. to that end:

this is one of my favorite tags ive ever gotten on my art. i think of it often. the pieces in question are all monochrome - sort of.

the left version is the final version, the right version is technically the original. in the final version, to me, the blues are pretty stark, while the greens and magentas are less so. there is some color theory thing going on here that i dont have a good cerebral understanding of and i wont pretend otherwise. i think i watched a youtube video on it once but it went in one ear and out the other. i just pick whatever colors look nicest based on whatever vibe im going for.

this one is more subtle, i think. can you tell the difference? there's nothing wrong with 100% greyscale art, but i like the depth that adding just a hint of color can bring.

i'll note that the examples i'll be using in this post all began as purely greyscale, but this is a process i use for just about every piece of art i make, including the full color ones. i'll use the recent mithrun art i made to demonstrate. additionally, i use clip studio paint, but the general concept should be transferable to other art programs.

for fun let's just start with Making The Picture. i've been thinking of making this writeup for a while and had it in mind while drawing this piece. beyond that, i didn't really have much of a plan for this outside of "mithrun looks down and hair goes woosh." i also really like all of the vertical lines in the canary uniform so i wanted to include those too but like. gone a little hog wild. that is the extent of my "concept." i do not remember why i had the thought of integrating a shattered mirror type of theme. i think i wanted to distract a bit from the awkward pose and cover it up some LOL but anyway. this lack of planning or thought will come into play later.

note 1: the textured marker brush i specifically use is the "bordered light marker" from daub. it is one of my favorite brushes in the history of forever and the daub mega brush pack is one of the best purchases ive ever made. highly recommend!!!

note 2: "what do you mean by exclusion and difference?" they are layer blending modes and not important to the overall lesson of this post but for transparency i wanted to say how i got these "effects." anyway!

with the background figured out, this is the point at which i generally merge all of my layers, duplicate said merged layer, and Then i begin experimenting with gradient maps. what are gradient maps?

the basic gist is that gradient maps replace the colors of an image based on their value.

so, with this particular gradient map, black will be replaced with that orangey red tone, white will be replaced with the seafoamy green tone, etc. this particular gradient map i'm using as an example is very bright and saturated, but the colors can be literally anything.

these two sets are the ones i use most. they can be downloaded for free here and here if you have csp. there are many gradient map sets out there. and you can make your own!

you can apply a gradient map directly onto a specific layer in csp by going to edit>tonal correction>gradient map. to apply one indirectly, you can use a correction layer through layer>new correction layer>gradient map. honestly, correction layers are probably the better way to go, because you can adjust your gradient map whenever you want after creating the layer, whereas if you directly apply a gradient map to a layer thats like. it. it's done. if you want to make changes to the applied gradient map, you have to undo it and then reapply it. i don't use correction layers because i am old and stuck in my ways, but it's good to know what your options are.

this is what a correction layer looks like. it sits on top and applies the gradient map to the layers underneath it, so you can also change the layers beneath however and whenever you want. you can adjust the gradient map by double clicking the layer. there are also correction layers for tone curves, brightness/contrast, etc. many such useful things in this program.

let's see how mithrun looks when we apply that first gradient map we looked at.

gadzooks. apologies for eyestrain. we have turned mithrun into a neon hellscape, which might work for some pieces, but not this one. we can fix that by changing the layer blending mode, aka this laundry list of words:

some of them are self explanatory, like darken and lighten, while some of them i genuinely don't understand how they are meant to work and couldn't explain them to you, even if i do use them. i'm sure someone out there has written out an explanation for each and every one of them, but i've learned primarily by clicking on them to see what they do.

for the topic of this post, the blending mode of interest is soft light. so let's take hotline miamithrun and change the layer blending mode to soft light.

here it is at 100% opacity. this is the point at which i'd like to explain why i like using textured brushes so much - it makes it very easy to get subtle color variation when i use this Secret Technique. look at the striation in the upper right background! so tasty. however, to me, these colors are still a bit "much." so let's lower the opacity.

i think thats a lot nicer to look at, personally, but i dont really like these colors together. how about we try some other ones?

i like both of these a lot more. the palettes give the piece different vibes, at which point i have to ask myself: What Are The Vibes, Actually? well, to be honest i didn't really have a great answer because again, i didn't plan this out very much at all. however. i knew in my heart that there was too much color contrast going on and it was detracting from the two other contrasts in here: the light and dark values and the sharp and soft shapes. i wanted mithrun's head to be the main focal point. for a different illustration, colors like this might work great, but this is not that hypothetical illustration, so let's bring the opacity down again.

yippee!! that's getting closer to what my heart wants. for fun, let's see what this looks like if we change the blending mode to color.

i do like how these look but in the end they do not align with my heart. oh well. fun to experiment with though! good to keep in mind for a different piece, maybe! i often change blending modes just to see what happens, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. i very much cannot stress enough that much of my artistic process is clicking buttons i only sort of understand. for fun.

i ended up choosing the gradient map on the right because i liked that it was close to the actual canary uniform colors (sorta). it's at an even lower opacity though because there was Still too much color for my dear heart.

the actual process for this looks like me setting my merged layer to soft light at around 20% opacity and then clicking every single gradient map in my collection and seeing which one Works. sometimes i will do this multiple times and have multiple soft light and/or color layers combined.

typically at this point i merge everything again and do minor contrast adjustments using tone curves, which is another tool i find very fun to play around with. then for this piece in particular i did some finishing touches and decided that the white border was distracting so i cropped it. and then it's done!!! yay!!!!!

this process is a very simple and "fast" way to add more depth and visual interest to a piece without being overbearing. well, it's fast if you aren't indecisive like me, or if you are better at planning.

let's do another comparison. personally i feel that the hint of color on the left version makes mithrun look just a bit more unwell (this is a positive thing) and it makes the contrast on his arm a lot more pleasing to look at. someone who understands color theory better than i do might have more to say on the specifics, but that's honestly all i got.

just dont look at my layers too hard. ok?

[sans-guy]

(explosion) butch info masterpost (explosion) I’ve been asked a few things a couple of times and i just wanna lay some stuff out about butch that doesn’t get asked just so u guys know. i'll update as needed (if i can remember) <3

I can’t say everything because sooner or later I want to create some kind of comic or fic, but can’t right now cus my brain sucks and i'm pretty busy irl

Here is his updated ref sheet How old: 30-ish How tall: 6'8"

He kills people???!?!?!? D: Yes. only people that really deserve it, he's not a mindless killer. Even though he's a butcher, killing isn't something he enjoys doing.

AND HE EATS THEM??! D: No. but he sells the meat to monsters that do, in an effort to get rid of evidence. he's not friendly with the monsters he does business with, and he does not sell to humans. The selling of human meat is a drug trade of sorts; and it is by no means an easy business to get out of.

lore and loreposts; -He needs glasses -How he lost his fingers

-He isn't too fond of humans.

-despite everything, he is goofy.

-extra info about relationships/"clients".

-he is not too socially inept, but prefers to keep to himself and not say too much, just the way he was raised. -he is a workaholic, preferring to stay either busy or asleep, despite occasionally getting sick from all the stress he's under.

-he is technologically illiterate, hates newer technology, but will still use a landline (for his friends or for work) and the library computers with help (to check emails cus the modern age is horrible and requires you to have an email) -he is very slow to make friends, but when he does, theyre very good friends, going as far to consider them his family. -he LOVES knives, and has a collection of unique knives (culinary/pocket knives/hunting knives etc) he's found or obtained from flea markets.

-because of the state of his right hand, he's technically ambidextrous, since he's had enough time to learn how to use his other hand, but still writes better with his right hand. he could use ecto fingers if he really wanted to, but he doesn't care either way.

-he lost a tooth rough housing with his brothers when he was younger (he has many siblings ((and his older brothers picked on him becus thats what loving siblings do <3 )) )

-his arms and hands are riddled with scars and cuts because thats what a lifetime of physical labor and 10 years working with sharp objects will do to u

-the gloves he wears are cutting gloves here's some fluffy small character stuff for him ive thought about, i'll update this list when i . remember what i posted lovers/trust/friendship can i draw butch (or any of your characters)??

can i draw butch kissing me/my insert?

i'm ok with most fanart, I love everything everyone makes of my guys!! but if ur not sure if i'll be comfortable with it, please just shoot me a message. i dont bite i promise *bats eyelashes* also its a given but no fanart or ships can be inserted into the canon sorry

edit; pls pls check out the #fanart tag, so many beautiful ppl have drawn/written so many beautiful things of my boy and they must be seen

[notmyprey]

Hi! Just thought I'd make a post going over a few things:

First things first! This is very much a (SFW) vore (for lack of remembering what the other descriptor is) account. If ya dont like- dont follow, lol.

I am a strictly SFW blog, meaning I dont, won't, and haven't posted anything NSFW. I sometimes post digestion, but it's ALWAYS with reformation or NON FATAL.

I normally draw g/t vore, but I will draw the occasional same/similar/half/quarter vore drawing.

I love asks, so long as they are SFW.

If you want to ask my OC's questions, go to my other blog here, which is just for that!

I only have a few DNI's:

Main DNI:

Pedos (of any name), zoophiles, harassment/callout blogs, homo/transphobic, racist (this includes towards asians and Middle easterns too, I aint tolerating any of that hateful shit)

For personal reasons, please either DNI or do not talk to me about:

Drugs (excluding medical ones), s3xual stuff (s3x repulsed ace here), and pr3gnancy (this is borderline phobia for me, ok? Maybe even worse than that)

If you have uncontrolled temperamental issues, please keep your distance or try not to become too close of friends with me (I have trauma related to this, and I am still recovering).

More info under cut:

These are the fandoms I know! Please try not to spam my ask box with fandoms that I dont know! An ask here and there abt one I dont know is ok, but not constantly please!

My Sona's:

This is my voresona!

This is my persona! (Who can also be used in vore lol)

Do I Role Play?

Short answer: no

Long answer: kind of? I do often use RP like language (such as the use of ** and refering to myself as my online persona, who is still technically me but in a universe where vore exists). But I dont like to directly RP with people in dm or anything else for the most part. There are few exceptions, but those who know, know.

I never thought I would have to add this, but please dont drag me into any drama or personal situations that don't involve me. I made this blog for me to have a place away from real life, not to have to stress over.

Repeating this again: One boundary I would like to put up is to try and keep drug mentions to as minimal as possible (outside of obv medications and stuff). I dont hate anyone who does do drugs, but it does make me very uncomfortable. I wish I could explain why, but unfortunately, I can not since I myself dont even know why.

NSFW and KINK blogs PLEASE READ:

NSFW:

I dont mind nsfw blogs following me or liking my posts, but please dont interact outside of that. Sometimes, I may block nsfw accounts out of the blue, but its normally because they either dont censor things or I see them too much on my tags that im following.

KINK:

I dont mind if kink blogs follow me or like my posts. You can reblog my posts. Just make sure that if you end up rebloging my posts, dont add tags that are related to a kink. I may block kink accounts out of the blue, but its normally because I see them too much on my tags that im following, and its something Im uncomfortable with seeing that often.

For BOTH NSWF and KINK blogs!! If you are an irl edit blog (aka you take real pictures and edit them), if I dont see you, you're fine. But as soon as I see any of that anywhere, whether it's going through who liked/rebloged my post or ending up on my fyp, I will block no hesitation. Irl photo edits make me extremely uncomfortable, and this is one of the few big boundaries I have and will not hesitate to enforce.

Other than that- dont be an asshole and were chill.

Master Lists:

Writing Master List

Prompts Master List

Rants Master List

Characters Master List

On going ask/rb games:

'Reblog or send an ask, and I'll tell ya what you/a character of your choice would taste like' post

Ask game! (Aka send me emojis to answer questions)

[gaybd1]

15 people, 15 questions

tysm @ozais-lobotomist for tagging me, these things are fun

1. are you named after anyone?

yeah my birth name, the middle name is my grandma’s name. she died when my dad was young. my current name is definitely named mostly after chris pine tbhhhhh

2. when was the last time you cried?

don’t remember!! probs when I was getting over my major concussion a couple months ago bc I was just so out of it mentally and it was really frustrating

3. do you have kids?

21 beautiful students and a dog

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

uhhhh I played soccer for yearssss as a kid and was Not Good At All. I wanted to play rugby and football but I wasn’t allowed bc I have a bleeding disorder. I did a season of track and then did fencing a few years as a teen. now I just hike and do yoga

5. do you use sarcasm?

NEVER

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

omg idk something about the vibe like niceness/approachability

7. what’s your eye color?

who even knows, green technically?? it’s got pretty much the whole rainbow floating around in there and one of my students is terrified of them and says they’re yellow like a demon bc he’s only ever seen people with “black” eyes his whole life….

8. scary movies or happy endings?

I don’t watch scary movies At All

9. any talents?

pffft I wouldn’t be the one to ask? fine arts in general I guess. languages?

10. where were you born?

a hospital (US America rip)

11. what are your hobbies?

sleeping, hiking, drawing, writing

12. do you have any pets?

YES my dog is my CHILD, the LIGHT of my life

13. how tall are you?

175cm (what is that, 5’9?)

14. favorite subject in school?

p much anything under the social studies umbrella

15. dream job

teaching tbh. The job I have now is prettttty close to dream level, I think I’d just make it 4 days a week

tagging the first 15 mutuals that pop up lol but DONT do it if you don’t want and also if I didn’t tag you and you want to do this, great!

@leafsfromthevine @lillikoifish @sukidude @witchering10123 @apocryphiend @fanfic-gremlin-ft-trauma @lesmiserablol @thatwoodenguineapig @transuncletaylor @tiredlylaughing @aboutiroh @picnicbitchsokka @biboomerangboi @zukkacore @jovialcloudqueenisnotonfire

[eomma-jpeg]

thanks @veilder I really do like doing these lil games even though I have some unfinished ones in my drafts 💀

I have some extra thoughts if anyone cares if I ramble

I did write quite a bit on wattpad back in the day. My account is still up and kicking but my username there isn't the same anywhere else LOL so you might be able to find it ? I had a moderately successful fairy tail one-shot series and an unfinished doctor who self insert fic (i wrote these when I was 14 i want everyone to remember that lil fact.

I currently beta read for @noaafishfieldguide so I get alllll the juicy sea foam drama >:) (its literally so fun i love doing it T-T. I don't have any beta readers except that squid does get to read 'in the meadow' early to help me make sure it actually is good LOLOL

Every fic i write is self indulgent, isn't that like.... the point of a fanfiction ???

So I am a multifandom writer, but as of late I've been stuck in trigun (the Fandom that got me to start writing again). But I technically started writing for royai just before then because Fullmetal is one of my all time favorites and royai is so special and perfect to meeeeee (I also wrote a kacchako fiction which is technically my most popular by kudos??? Which is wild?)

I cannot tell you how closely i watch my phone after a chapter of itm is posted. I just like, stare longingly and wait for comments to roll in T-T

YALL I NEVER IN 1000 YEARS WOULD HAVE EXPECTED PEOPLE TO DRAW ART FOR MY FICS. I NEVER FELT THAT ANYONE WOULD CARE THAT MUCH BUT @noaafishfieldguide and @mad-aims HAVE BOTH DONE ART AND I DO CRY STILL ABOUT IT

I have.... an entire kacchako fantasy bnha fic outline just like sitting in my drive. I've written some chunks of it, but it was mostly self indulgence and there's like a make-out scene in there... I also have a one bed royai thats just sitting, waiting to be published bc I dont know if its good LOLOL

Listen, I know its silly and its my current fic, but I really adore writing in the meadow and I'm so happy that the people reading it do read it, but I need more to join bc I am converting people to the millyons agenda.... thats just my whole goal so please get in on this

Ty for indulging me and here are the people I tag: @noaafishfieldguide, @firewoodfigs, @fullmetalscullyy, @fullcry, @eilwen

Here's the blank copy!

[escrupulo42o]

HELLO HI WELCOME TO MY BLOG ITS INTRODUCTION TIME‼️

my name is antonio/pedro but you can also call me toño. i use he/him but it is also fine. you can check out my pronouns page if you want too

list of random facts about me (i love making lists):

im bilingual, i speak english (duh) and spanish (my first language). i also know like a tad little bit of russian and ive been trying to learn guaraní (i have the language level of a 2 year old).

i have autism and adhd.

i am from argentina AND I FREAKING LOVEMY COUNTRY SO MUCH.

I LOVE GETTING ASKS‼️ also i am not the most creative person so if you have any ideas for drawings please drop them there!!

i go to a technical school so i might not be super active but i do try.

this blog supports palestine, if you in any way support the illegitimate state of israel, you are not fucking welcome here get tf out.

i like to treat my blog as a magazine or something similar to that (when i remember to, im not that active anymore for some reason), theres different segments n shit that i will list here:

the first segment being #toño's garbage wich is just the tag i use for my drawings

second segment is the #intellectual toño time wich is my tag for music analysis

and lastly #toño talks, pretty self explanatory, i talk (i dont use this one that much)

other tags i often use:

#ñ, this is just the tag for stuff in spanish or things that are somewhat related to my culture

#yeah/hell yeah/fuck yeah or any other variation of that is the tag i use when i reblog stuff i really like (idk how to express exitement like a human)

!!!, tag for important stuff

following this is a list of some of my special interests/hyperfixations:

MORTAL KOMBAT ‼️. i really like tomas, syzoth, raiden and kung lao (i also have my very own AU!)

STAR WARS‼️

ANIMALS N NATURE‼️ this one has been here since i was a kid. im bad at picking favourites but i do get really exited every time i see an aguará guazú, wombat or quokka lately (wich could be kinda obvious if you've seen any of my au stuff)

COMMUNITY‼️ the tv show i mean. i mainly like trobed and jeffbritta

MUSIC‼️ I LOVE MUSIC SO MUCH DUDE I COULD TALK ABOUT IT FOR HOURS. i have a pretty wide music taste but i think my favourite bands/artists at the moment could be El mato a un policia motorizado, Gorillaz, Tyler the creator, Las ligas menores, Alex G Dillom n probably some other stuf that i am Too Lazy to write (you can check out my spotify account!)

SMILING FRIENDS‼️

BATMAN AND THE RIDDLER‼️ also the joker but whatever (the riddler is literally me but. more fucked up)

CARD CAPTOR SAKURA‼️

gif/blinkies/sticker collection (i have more but i picked the best ten (?):

i made the first one myself, i am very proud of it like this literally me if i was a gif

[gomzdrawfr]

one day, three autumns | 一日三秋

This is the first time I've ever posted any fic related thing, so please go easy on me :p feedback is appreciated! English isn't my main language so if i made any mistakes, please let me know! Pairing: Zimo x Horangi Warning: ANGSTTTTT Some translations are added below each mandarin sentences :) for the title, its a chinese idiom that means when you miss someone so much, that one day felt as long as 3 years again huge thanks to Chrizz on Twitter for this ship "You never cared, did you?" I did. "All of this was just a joke, I was the only one serious, the only one who thought we could have something more than just whatever the hell we had!" I was serious too. "I hate you!" I love you.

A thousand words flew everywhere in his mind, yet none were uttered. A thousand pleas and desperation, clawing, burning in his throat, yet none were delivered. He never said anything. Always cold. Always calm. Not even when Horangi was screaming, prying his vest, and crying on his shirt. Not once did he flinch, nor showed any changes in his expression.

The moment when Zimo realize the heavy, heavy gravity of him on their 3rd encounter, he knew he was in trouble. Being in love with your enemy, it was as if you're asking to be tortured. Despite that, with every hug, every wave and every moment shared, he couldn't stay away. He knew that things had to end, one way or another, he just didn't expect it to happen on the day when he wanted to propose, a pair of silver rings hiding snugly in his pocket close to his heart.

人生有三错，一步错，步步错 别让我失望了。 "you made your mistakes, don't disappoint me” The words ringing in his mind, he had been careful, always had been, so how did the superiors find out? it didn't even matter at this rate, questions long forgotten as reality weights heavily in the air, almost suffocating. "Say something, goddammit!" He wanted to, he really wanted to, hell if he can scream out everything he ever wanted right now at this moment, forget everything and just have him in his arms again, he would do it. But he didn't, because he knows there are watchful eyes. 如果爱你是错，我宁愿永远不对 "if loving you was wrong, then I never want to be right" Yet he remained still as a tree, not moving, eyes still cold and emotionless. The only reply Horangi got was the pouring rain and the loud thunder, it seems like even nature was mocking their relationship. He still stood there, drenched in the rain even after Horangi stormed off hours ago. Never moved an inch, for in his eyes, nothing was worth it anymore, where can he go even if he does move? There's nowhere to go, because the world had already left him.

technically the translation for the "don't disappoint me part" is not the most correct meaning, the first idiom used before it translates to "There are three mistakes in life, if you take one wrong step, the following steps will all be wrong" I didnt really know if i should put that there, but i just wanted to signify how the superior basically said "you fucked up, dont fucked up again kind of vibe if you get me" also feel free to draw or write a fic based on this! just remember to tag me :D Anyways, pass me the towel to cry on-

[otogariado]

15 questions!

supposed to be 15 mutuals too but i'm still too shy to tag people on this blog BUT if you don't mind getting tagged in posts like this then feel free to like this post & i'll tag you in the future. teehee

i was tagged by @stripesysheaven 💖💖 thank you

1. are you named after anyone?

my deadname is probably inspired by some french royalty. i did nickname myself after a videogame protagonist though, even though i don't use that nickname much any more

wait actually i'm vaguely remembering smth abt my mom supposedly naming myself after a local actress. that works too if that's true

2. when was the last time you cried?

very recently because i was very sad. but also it's easy for me to cry bc of stuff i watch. i teared up during three different moments while watching the new puss in boots movie

3. do you have kids?

no. probably never. it's a very big responsibility

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

not a lot, just sometimes. usually just to be funny or when i'm ranting to someone abt an anecdote in private. i like making it apparent when i do though. "i DONT use sarcasm at all NOT using it right now. what makes you say that"

5. what sports do you play/have you played?

recently competed in badminton doubles!! with strangers i met like minutes before the matches started haha. we were short on people. i'm not Very Good at any particular sport but i'll play most things for fun. i miss doing frisbee class

6. what's the first thing you notice about other people?

i'm always So Scareds of people so it's hard to answer this question... probably the way they speak? i don't have to be looking at people to notice that

7. what's your eye colour?

almost black, deep brown thangs

8. scary movies or happy endings?

schmaltz forever

9. any special talents?

i can follow sheet music on the spot (just give me the pitch and i'm good) and i'm good at bullshitting melodies i've never sang before

10. where were you born?

born and raised and still here in the philippines

11. what are your hobbies?

watching shows and movies and getting incredibly emotionally attached to fictional characters and thinking about them too hard is my #1 hobby. aside from that i like listening to video essays/podcasts, drawing, writing... i also like walking. once i learn how to ride a bike i'd like to do that regularly too

i need more physical crafty hobbies, i just don't have the space/space management skills to do them rn... i used to do a lot of paper crafting as a kid

12. do you have any pets?

toothless is a... tuxedo cat? he's technically my grandpa's but i consider him my little guy too

they're my cousins' but i also live with two dogs :) toffee (middle) who is a very bitey puppy. he's aspin but he probably has some fancy breed in his blood or smn bc his fur is very soft. and betsy (right, jailed for crimes. she doesn't mind) is a shih tzu and they've had her for a few years now C:

13. how tall are you?

i hate checking my height cz i might shrink again. probably around 5'6"

14. favorite subject in school?

i loved math and science in grade school. in high school i enjoyed lit a lot more. pending answer for college lol

15. dream job?

my cousin once brought up the idea of us owning a bar/cafe/resto thing together. it would be nice!

[ineffablyendless]

Tag Game To Better Know You! Send this to people you'd like to know better!

Tagged by @munsonsbabygirlie , thank u Chromie! Last year, technically, that i keep forgetting to do but this feels like a nice way to start the New Year!

Book Im currently reading:

American Gods by Neil Gaiman! I'm trying to get a bit more into reading this year, but its been a hot minute and im crawling by slower than I expected. That being said I've got a whole list waiting for me, and I'm incredibly enjoying AG so far <3

What I usually wear:

Blue, if I'm being honest. Its not my actual favourite colour, but it's my comfort one. I can't reliably say jeans even: ive really grown into a good pair of slacks. Tho i suppose if youre trying to imagine me, think blue jeans, a battered second hand pair of yellowing high tops, a white tshirt and an old plaid shirt, and ive been told i wear my hijab a very recognizable way 😭 also blue

How tall I am:

157 cm last i checked, 5 feet exactly in american measurements i think...?

My star sign. Do I know any celebrities or historical event that shares it:

Im a libra! Im sure plenty of people got born and big events happened in the first half of October, but nothing comes to mind immediately. I suppose i dont care enough to remember, lol

Do I go by a name or nickname:

Nickname. I go by Choice in all cyberspaces. It's a name that endeared itself to me many years ago, its nothing close to my actual name, and I enjoy the broad line of separation between my lives on and offline. Irl tho, i usually dont go by a nickname, at least nothing used by anyone outside family, and thats even MORE closely guarded. So.

Did I grow up to be what I wanted to be as a child:

I was an angry, suicidal, incredibly hurt child, and I had no true ambition besides finding joy and holding on to it with both hands. I wanted to be content and left alone, most of all. I wanted to be happy.

I'm a lot happier now. It's an uphill battle. Baby me would be glad to see where I am now tho i think. I hope

Something I'm good at vs Something I'm bad at:

I am. Very good at speaking. I take pride in this, many have told me I have the innate talent with words and the know how to lead a team and control a room. I know how to get myself listened. On paper, I know what I want said. Many things. Words are a power I wield well.

Vs

I am, sincerely, not very good at empathy, nor sympathy. I struggle to look outside my periphery, to crawl outside my own head and pop my own bubble. I have come across as-not cold, but callous, cruel, a little uncaring. I feel less remorse for this than I should, I think. I try, but thats not enough sometimes. I sincerely do not care of other opinions and perspectives as default. I like to think im better at it now. I'm aware of it. But its still a problem

If I draw or write, what's my favourite of anything I created this year?

Im taking that to mean 2022. I guess this line from my fic A Cosmic Kiss?

Millenia ago, a comet had come to strike down the surface of the earth like a Holy hand clearing a table, and decimated all that had ever existed, and it had been the end of things. It had been the beginning. It had moved with the leisure of treacle towards its purpose in the indifferent void, but close, close, pulled into the orbit of the earth with speed to singe the atoms of air. Creation, by the guide of Destruction. Life, then Death, then Life again. Such was the way of things. Fires that last are the ones that waited. Paradoxes; sudden, and not. 

Such was their way.

It was the first thing that struck me to write the one shot, the one partially inspired by Puppet History, and would be the ongoing theme of the fic. Its quite good, i have to admit. Im glad the fic went over well.

Dogs or cats:

Cats. Nothing against a sweet puppy, but I prefer the chill leisure of your everyday feline thank you very much.

Something I would like to make content for:

All my fandoms. All of it. I write less than I honestly should; Sandman and Watcher and Good Omens and OFMD

Something I was excited about that turned out to dissappoint me:

*blinks* Oh God, i cant think of anything. Theres that book carnival, but it was a surprise, and it exceeded my poor memory and expectations, even if I didnt find what i was looking for. Hmm. If anything dissapointed me, it doesnt come to mind.

Hidden talent:

I have no idea ❤

Something I wish to have at this very moment:

A bite of chocolate. Maybe a cookie. But I'm broke enough to keep an eye out for the bank account and i cant afford such luxuries. Im even out of cocoa. Sigh.

Tagging @freddykicksasses @ennas-aesthetic @wannabecoyote @waistcoat35 @youre-platinum-pussycat

[lemontongues]

tagged by @januariat and @mamawasatesttube thank u both!<3

1. are you named after anyone? an obscure cartoon character lol

2. when was the last time you cried? uhh. OH i do remember, i bawled the other week at the ending of s1e5 of ted lasso lmao. tv doesn't usually get me but that did the trick ;~;

3. do you have kids? nope!

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? hmmm i used to be very sarcastic when i was younger and i don't do it on purpose anymore but i think i do probably still have some holdover from that lol, so... kinda?

5. what sports do you play/have you played? when i was a little kid i did gymnastics for a bit, i played soccer for a year, and i did a number of years each of karate, ballet, and tap dance. gave it all up before i hit high school, tho

6. what’s the first thing you notice about other people? hmm i think usually hair? sometimes outfit

7. what’s your eye color? blue but with a lot of yellow so they tend to look greyish to me, idk

8. scary movies or happy endings? happy endings! im mega weenie hut junior, cant handle the spookies at all<3

9. any special talents? im rly good at getting up to go to the kitchen right when the microwave or toaster oven is about to ding

10. where were you born? delaware :P

11. what are your hobbies? god dont ask me this. okay. crochet, writing, drawing, reading (books/comics), collecting comics, video games, listening to podcasts, occasionally gardening or doing bobbin lace, learning new hobbies i don't need,

12. do you have any pets? no but i want a dog soooo bad :(

13. how tall are you? 5'0.... technically 5'0.5 but i slouch so i think it cancels out lol

14. favorite subject? history! and ethics tbh

15. dream job? honestly? getting paid to fuck around with whatever weird lark catches my attention. i come up with a lot of ideas for websites while im in the bath lol. realistically? i like what i'm doing rn, which is bookkeeping, so if i'm thinking about advancement, forensic accounting could be interesting? or maybe i'll just stick with bookkeeping lol

tagging @applejee @feralratman @batfam-chaos @mindshelter @roseworth @junkoandthediamonds aaaand whoever else wants to!

[queen-pathetic]

Fic Writer Interview

I was tagged by @s1utspeare ! I am surprised that people still remember that i write fics since i basically stopped in the later half of the year except for NaNoWriMo lmaoo. so i will do this. 

name/nicknames: Angie or ang 

fandoms: Aight so DMBJ. I write the most of that. And Winter Begonia, but WB is usually just smut. I did write for Squid Game for a bit but stopped since the fandom was too much. 

two shots?: if this like 2 chapter fics?? i dont normally write that, and i have been bad at reading other peoples fics for reasons i wont disclose here. 

most popular multi-chapter fic: its a squid game fic, please dont come for me. People knew this fic before they even know me so that says something. Puzzle Pieces. I will not be able to write anything close to the amount of hits this got. 

actual worst part of writing: um writing. i am not a writer never have been, but i wanted to write because there were some things that i wanted to draw but i could not do it with my current talent. so instead i wrote it. i never expected for people to like what i wrote. so it takes a lot for me to share my work because im so scared of it not getting hits (aka why i stopped writing recently)

how you choose your titles: i stare at the blank “title” box on ao3 and cry for like 5 mins and then write something random. sometimes it loops back to the story, or its stupid and makes no sense. 

do you outline?: no. i literally write like a stream of consciousness. no thoughts. i only outlined for my nanowrimo fic since it was a daunting 50k that needed to open and close within those words. if its a multi fic with no clear ending i dont care. if its a one shot it means i already have an ending so i keep it 10k. 

ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?: no not that i know of. i had for a while wanted to do a idol AU for heihua but i suck at AUs so thats not happening. (it would be idol/bodyguard or even opera singer/bodyguard). 

i want to finish my current heihua fic but i dried up with ideas so it has been sitting unfinished for quite some time. I am not goof with very technically elements of stories (tombs) so i made a mistake by doing that two times in one story. 

callouts @ me: get over the fear of writing and comparing myself to everyone else. im a horrible friend and i dont read fics my friends write because i compare myself to their fics. i know im not a good writer so when i see my friends write masterpieces and get more hits i kind of wonder why do i even try. 

probably also saying im not a good writer, but i know im not lol even if people try and convince me. so i guess i got a lot to work on for now im just not gonna update until i feel comfortable with my product.

best writing traits: ...i just roasted myself for like 300 words so idk if i have good writing traits. oh only smut. i think im good at writing smut, which is weird since i dont do anything in my own life. its been a while since i have written actually but i think my porn without plots normally are good since i focus less on the plot. 

i also do a lot of heihua slow burn.  aka enemies to lovers. 

spicy tangential opinion: dont ask me for opinions... doubt what i say will mean anything. 

Tagging anyone who wants to do it. i dont have many writer friends (maybe i do idk) so i dont wanna tag people 

[w-stote]

J'ai publié 723 fois en 2022

C'est 600 billets de plus qu'en 2021 !

27 billets créés (4%)

696 billets reblogués (96%)

Les blogs que j'ai le plus reblogués :

@alphaweeb

@skywalker42

@mrkarkalicious

@mooksmookin

@natroze

J'ai étiqueté 36 billets en 2022

#19天 - 2 billets

#rant - 2 billets

#asexual - 2 billets

#i am just irrationally angry at the moment - 2 billets

#i am into something i think - 2 billets

#genshin impact - 2 billets

#me rambling - 2 billets

#for writing purposes - 2 billets

#19 days - 2 billets

#the silmarillion - 1 billet

Longest Tag: 63 characters

#the only thing i can do is wait on the phone that never answers

Mes billets vedette en 2022 :

n°5

Ok so everyone know about the meme that every popular artist has their NSFW art side account. And in my mind it makes sense. NSFW shit is usually weird position and nude character involving more than one character so of course drawing lot of that can improve your art... So I kinda wanna try that.. like the NSFW side account thing to help me with my drawing skills. Because why not? Anything to improve my skills. But then I remember I am a most-of-the-time-sex-repulsed asexual. I might have a problem with that idea...

5 notes - publié le 7 août 2022

n°4

HOW TO COP IN 4 MINUTES I NEED TO GO BACK TO WORK

7 notes - publié le 1 janvier 2022

n°3

Ayaka and thoma being best friend

I think its already well established for the one that doesnt ship ayaka with thoma that like... they are both fruity, but what about the fact that thoma is pratically Ayaka's maid and that Ayaka is pretty lonely? Well let's combine the two together! Thoma has become over the time Ayaka's confident and closest friend.

headcanons under the cut :3

i dont think there is a precise moment that Ayaka and Thoma became best friends.. or even friends.

Like the Kamisato family "adopted" Thoma when he was still young and Ayaka was still a kid too.

So they pretty much grow old together. At first it was a really distant relationship. The one of a child learning to be a noble and the one of a childe learning to be a servant.

But then Ayato started to make sure that Thoma still had fun

he is still a kid/teen after all

Then they started to talk a litle bit more... and more importantly play together...

the other maids and servants where always speaking about how cute they were together and how well mannered Thoma was around Ayaka

in fact the well manneredness came from a place of not wanting to hurt Ayaka. He had no trouble to see her strentgh and that she could take Thoma's full force.

but Ayato was scary when his sister was hurt

playing over the time started to change into training.

technically being a servant Thoma didn't have the "right" to train at the same level as the Kamisato heirs.

but again Ayato played his card and made sure that Thoma was well educated and trained

Thoma was grateful and he did his best to learn as much as possible

he even started to get ambitious. and thats how he became a housekeeper as well as a fixer

NOW BACK TO HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH AYAKA

(sorry for the outburst i am just very excited about this part)

OK so over the years Ayaka realised how lonely she was with no friends and just her duty and limited power in her hands

Thoma comforted her many times when the pressure was too much or that the solitude was unbearable.

she helped him too, making sure homesickeness was healed by importing mondstat specialities or bringing him wherever he wanted to go in inazuma

but they didn't really called themselves friends.

that made people speculating things... two young persons being so close to each other and not calling themselves friends? must be romantic feelings involved.

but then Ayaka met the traveler

she realised what friendship meant and that Thoma and her were friends.

She started to be more honest with Thoma and talking about things she only thought in the past...

like gossips she heard.. or secrets she found in the archives of the kamisato's

Thoma fueled the rumors she provided with things he heard on the street or with the other housekeepers

At some point they started talking about love. But not between them

Voir l'intégralité du billet

13 notes - publié le 26 mars 2022

n°2

Ok so everyone is screaming about tianshan and like i get it BUT LEARNING ABOUT JIAN YI'S FATHER IS MORE IMPORTANT FOR ME!!! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YEARS

23 notes - publié le 3 décembre 2022

Mon billet n°1 en 2022

Chiluc hc part 4? :)

(I had an writer block for the past 2 month I am trying to beat it into submission)

_______________

I have this idea of Diluc going to Snezhnaya to beat some fatui everytime a mild inconvenience happen in his life or in Mondstadt in general

Adelaide is sick? That's the fatui's fault

The grape harvest wasn't that good? Elzer is ready to see Diluc leave to kick some fatui's ass

Flora didn't sell enough flower? Must be the fatui

Bennett has been missing for 5 days? Those damn fatui!

The stray cats in the city had not been fed enough?! Diluc is already in the snow fighting some fatui.

Needless to say. Diluc is more often that not in Snezhnaya

And the fatui's after the 3rd wave this MONTH are starting to not have enough men to fight him.

So they turn to the Tsaritsa

She has someone in mind to take care of this strange man screaming vengeance in the Snezhnayien tempest.

(she knows damn well it's diluc because of dottore talking to her about him)

She has a harbinger that has the fighting spirit of one hundred men and the battle capabilities of fifty generals.

So she send him the moment she hear about the stranger coming back

Childe was thrilled to have a fight that left him breathless and heartful.

He never won. But somehow, the stranger left every time after winning.

He didn't fight or killed anymore fatui.

Once the harbinger was down and ready to use foul Legacy, Diluc would pull a trick that made Childe impossible to move long enough for the red haired man to leave the battle ground

Only to come back weeks after

Since the first fight, Childe could reach out to those red locks only in his dream.

Until he could. For real.

Those red hair falling all around them. Creating a curtain of intimacy in the little bedroom of an inn lost between two icy mountains.

It is funny when Childe remembers it.

That night. Something had shifted during combat. The blow against him were hitting harder than usual. He knew something was askew

But how could he stop himself?

Finally his opponent that won all the previous fights was hitting like never before.

How could Childe not fight back as hard and as ferocious as dying lion?

So Childe fought back like the dying lion he wasn't.

Voir l'intégralité du billet

39 notes - publié le 10 juillet 2022

Obtenez votre année 2022 en revue sur Tumblr ��

[satoruvt]

for a moment i forget to worry

pairing → xu minghao x reader

word count → 3196

genre → fluff + angst, college au ↳ tags: strangers to friends to lovers </3, college kinda sux, ROOMMATE CHAN MAKES AN APPEARANCE OR TWO, dance major minghao, reader is completely lost but its ok who isnt, lots of cute couple stuff, pov ur entire relationship with minghao. thats it, a sad break up scene, a solid amount of crying

summary → there’s something about minghao. maybe it’s the way he dances, vibrant and youthful, or maybe it’s the way he loves you. based off of hunger by florence + the machine.

warnings → i hint at sex but its pretty vague, i also mention a breakdown type deal (revolving around school/life after school)

a/n → first of all this was NOT supposed to be 3k words i dont know how it happened. second of all i’m only kind of happy with this HAHA i feel like the story itself isnt bad but i wanted it to match the song more ... idk :/ i hope u guys like it regardless !!!

pieces of you masterlist

The first time you see him is by accident.

Really - all you’re doing is trying to find Chan. You’re passing by the practice rooms, looking into them in hope he’ll be there, stopping to gaze at decorations and medals and trophies lined up on the walls. It’s when you approach a room that music plays from that you think you’ve found Chan, but when you gaze in, it’s definitely not him.

You don’t know who it is, but he moves like nothing you’ve ever seen before.

It’s hypnotizing, almost makes you want to drop your things and dance with him. There’s a sense of youth that comes from him and it’s almost overwhelming - but it’s not in energy, necessarily, but rather from the precision of his movements, the technicalities that he seems to both follow and break at the same time. Something vibrant seeps out between the seams of his body, colors you can barely recognize as they splash against anything they can reach. It’s almost tangible. 

You watch him long enough for him to finish his performance (an unknowing one) with the last notes of a song you forgot was even playing. His eyes meet with yours, slow as he completes an eloquent turn, and at the same time, a hand meets your shoulder.

A small wave of embarrassment washes over you, and you turn towards whoever touched you, effectively breaking eye contact. “What are you doing here?” Chan asks, hair still wet from what you assume was a shower.

“Looking for you,” you tell him, following as he starts to walk towards the exit. “I wanted lunch, and you owe me for that time I took your British literature quiz for you.”

Chan groans but agrees to pay, and you laugh, though the world seems a little paler than it did a few moments ago.

The second time you see him is by chance.

(Maybe.)

You’re waiting for a lecture to start, tapping your fingers against your laptop idly as you watch students trickle in last minute. It’s not a strict course, but it does start at nine in the morning, and most everyone shows up with a coffee.

You look down to brush a stray hair off of your table, and when you look up again, the dancer from before walks through the door, then looks right at you.

You feel a blush heat your face and it’s like he wants to make sure that you know that he knows, because he almost refuses to look away. You break eye contact first (like the last time, you remember for no reason) but still watch as his figure moves up the stairs, past the rows, and you hope he’ll just move past you too…

He doesn’t. He takes the empty seat right next to yours, and you don’t say anything, instead finding the peeling sticker on your laptop incredibly interesting. The professor comes in and decides that today he’ll take extra long to set everything up, apparently, and you want to scream.

“So,” the dancer says, voice quiet. It takes your breath away, the way he sounds. “Mind if I ask why you were watching me the other day?”

You cast a glance at him - not too long, you don’t think you could handle more than five seconds tops - and finally open your laptop so it makes you look busy. “I was waiting for a friend.”

“And?”

The smile in his voice is palpable. You’re already exasperated.

“You…” you start, finally deciding to look at him as some sort of subconscious power move. “You’re a beautiful dancer. It was hard not to watch.”

Beautiful doesn’t even cover half of it, but you figure he already thinks you’re weird for watching him, so you hold back the thoughts of youth and vibrancy and color. The dancer looks at you, almost blank for a moment, before a soft smile draws itself on his face. It makes your heart beat a little faster. He says “thank you” with a gentle tone, sincerely felt.

The class starts, and the two of you don’t speak throughout the next hour and a half. You type out notes on your laptop and you see him write down names of the paintings being shown on the projector, little thoughts and notes written afterwards.

By the end of class, your professor assigns an optional partnered project, and you’re more than prepared to head back to your apartment and start on it yourself. The dancer stops you before you leave, however, asks if you’d like to be his partner.

(And he says it like that, would you like to be my partner, polite and somehow sweet.)

You know your answer. “I don’t even know your name,” you stall, standing from your chair. 

“Minghao,” he tells you. “I’m Minghao, and I’d like for you to be my partner.”

You say yes easily, put your number into his contacts even easier. The sky is blue when you leave the lecture hall, trees dotted with pink and purple flowers, and it is all so bright that you forget it wasn’t this way in the first place.

The third time you see him is for school.

Underneath the excitement of giving Minghao your number, there is the knowledge that it’s for the sake of an assignment. He texts you the day after to ask if you’re free to meet up to work and you tell him sure.

(Sure is what you send back, but he doesn’t have to know that you burst into Chan’s room immediately after, plunging face first into his bed just to scream into his pillows. Chan had sighed, turned around in his desk chair to look at you, then asked what happened. He gave you two minutes to rant and then kicked you out, back to your own room.)

You and Minghao agreed to meet at the library on a day that neither of you had any afternoon classes, and you get there early, spend some time working on other classes. You have somewhere around thirty minutes to freak out to yourself before you see Minghao come in, dressed like he knows what he’s doing to you (which is really just a hoodie and jeans, but you think it’s the cap that really pulls the whole boyfriend look together), smiling when he finds you at a table in the corner.

“How are you?” is the first thing he says when he sits down, and you pull down your laptop screen a little to see him better.

“I’m good,” you say, feeling your heart pound. “What about you?”

Minghao sends you a kind smile. “Really good. Should we get started?”

You lose count of how many times you see him after that.

Meeting up to work on the project soon becomes just meeting up, and after the project’s done and turned in, it happens even more. You hang out and get lunch, send each other texts and stupid videos, take walks around campus together. The weeks pass, summer mellows into fall, then into the early days of winter. You develop a genuine friendship with him, finding comfort in his presence, looking for him wherever you go. 

(Although the crush is still there, potent and patient, stubborn in a way you’ve never experienced before. You wonder if it’s a sign of some sort.)

You’re in one of the practice rooms with him, sitting in the corner. You had a class nearby and he’d wanted to practice a little more, so you told him you’d work on your own stuff while he finished up and then the two of you could grab something to eat.

But you made a small error on your part - the dancing. You’d forgotten the way he moves (you haven’t seen him dance since that first time) and in no time at all you’re letting your screen go dark in front of you and watching him. Honestly, it’s not your fault, you really can’t help it. 

But of course he notices.

Minghao meets your eyes through the mirror and raises his eyebrows at you, and all you can do is look away, desperately try to get your laptop up and running again so at least it seems like you weren’t watching him for too long.

“You’re staring,” he says, long after you’ve looked away.

“Sorry,” you tell him anyways, immediate, quick. 

Then he says, “I never said anything about stopping.”

In a second, you look up from your laptop and up at him. He moves closer, crouches in front of you. His eyes are kind - they’re never not - but you think you see something a little more in them. “Sorry, I think I missed that last part,” you respond, blinking. Minghao smiles like you’re endearing.

“I said I want you to keep looking at me.”

You think you’re barely breathing when he shuts your laptop for you, slides it off of your lap and onto the floor (gently, with care, and it’s a wonder to you how he can focus on that right now). He practically crawls over you, one of his hands eventually reaching the junction of your jaw and neck and holding there. “I’m gonna kiss you now, if that’s okay,” he says, but doesn’t move. You nod as soon as his words reach your brain, eager and quick.

And the next few hours get a little wound up in your head, a little mixed in with the feeling of his body - that moves so youthfully, with so much vibrancy that it reaches everything around you - melting into yours and the sound of him asking you to tell me what you need, honey, and the still-playing slow jam music he was practicing to.

You watch him sleep next to you, hand curled around yours against his pillows, and think that nothing bad could ever touch him.

The two of you… come together, after that.

Neither you nor Minghao use any proper labels, but you both seem to know. No labels are needed, really. You have each other and that’s all there is to it. And everything is really good.

You work together and laugh together like you’ve always known each other. He tries to teach you to dance with him when you’re in the practice room with him, pulls you up by your hands and guides you through your giggles. He was the first person you called when you realized that you had no idea what you were working towards, didn’t have a clue what you actually wanted to do with your life. He gets along well with your friends and you text his because they’re basically yours, now, too.

Winter turns back into spring, slow and easy. Vibrant and youthful. You’re not able to meet Minghao’s parents, but he meets yours (and you’re sure a quick introduction to his mom over a FaceTime call has to count for something). The two of you take advantage of the newfound warmth of the season and try to get out as much as you’re able to, with picnics and city dates and anything you can think of. A drawer in his dresser is reserved for your things, you bought an extra toothbrush for him to use when he stays over.

You watch him dance. It still feels like the first time, like color and breathlessness. You tell him he’s beautiful every time, feel yourself fall a little deeper when he still gets bashful amidst his comedown. You tell him you love him for the first time after he gets done with a performance - a proper one, for a showcase of the dance club he’s in. He says it back.

You think he put all the stars in the sky just for the two of you to gaze at them together.

Things shift the beginning of your junior year.

Minghao tells you about a program he’s applying to, a proper dance academy in New York that could really kickstart his career. Training under some of the best choreographers and performers in the world.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You ask him after he tells you, and he shrugs, leaning back in his chair. You’re studying at his apartment tonight.

“It’s just…” he frowns. “It’s so far away, you know?”

Oh. You hadn’t even thought about that, too caught up in the excitement of him being able to apply at all. A quick sigh leaves your lips, and then you reach for his hand, hold it between both of your own.

“That’s okay,” you tell him, though now that you’re thinking about it, you feel nervousness in the pit of your stomach. “We can work something out, though, when we get that far. We’ll figure it out.”

Minghao nods, a fond look in his eyes. He pulls one of your hands to his lips. “We’ll think about it if I even get accepted,” he says.

It’s bittersweet, but a promise nonetheless.

Fifteen minutes after you get a call from Minghao, there’s a knock on your door. 

You wouldn’t necessarily say you’re worried, but, well. Everyone’s experienced the jump of anxiety when they get hit with the “I want to talk to you about something” line. Nonetheless, you stand from the couch to open the door, mentally preparing yourself for any and everything. 

“Hey,” you greet when you see Minghao, opening the door to let him in. His face is unreadable. “Everything okay?”

He walks a few steps into your apartment, waits for you to close the door before turning back around to face you. Then he holds up a piece of paper, the creases from where it was folded still bending. You send him a confused look.

“I got in,” he says, a grin breaking on his face, and you blink, then feel your jaw practically hit the floor. Minghao only nods like he understands, and before you know what you’re doing, you launch yourself at him, holding him close.

“Oh my god, Hao, that’s amazing,” you say into his sweater, then step back to get a proper look at him. Youthful, vibrant. “I’m so proud of you.”

He seems to soften at your words, pulls you back into him again with a gentle kiss to your head. “Thank you for believing in me,” he tells you, tenderness palpable in his voice. All you can do is squeeze him tighter.

Minghao spends a lot of time away from you after that.

You’re not really hurt in any way - even though he got into the academy in New York, he still has to practice. You get it, this is important. He doesn’t text you as often, isn’t able to stop by as much, and you miss him, but you know how much this means for him. But it gets… weird, almost, after a while. Strange, even for him. It feels weird that he’s set to leave at the end of January and it’s December and he’s distant.

Both of you are laying in your bed, looking at the glow-in-the-dark stars on your ceiling, when you decide to bring it up. “You’ve been… kinda far away lately,” you start, nudging him with your shoulder gently. “Everything okay?”

His eyes stay on your ceiling, but you feel the way he sighs. “It’s about the program,” he says.

“Okay.”

“And about… you and me.”

Oh. That doesn’t… sound the best. “About, like… what we’re gonna do?”

Minghao nods.

You say, “I wouldn’t mind visiting every so often. It’d be hard, but I’m sure we could find something to work.”

Minghao shakes his head, says, “no.”

You pause, and when you look at him he’s already looking at you. What does he mean by no? Does he want you to move with him? Or does he -

He reaches for your hand and you think oh.

His eyes are a little glassy. You feel the tears come, too.

“Oh,” you say out loud. Minghao squeezes your hand. “So this is… this is it?”

Your room is suddenly cold, and you want to crawl under the covers and stay there. The person in front of you is blurred into something unrecognizable, but you can’t be bothered to blink away your tears.

“I think so, love,” he whispers back to you. “I think it has to be.”

The two of you cry like that for a while. In your bed, loosely intertwined and broken. Even the way Minghao cries carries a kind of vibrancy that’s overwhelming, makes you think of the first time you saw him so long ago, and now -

When you manage to get a better grip on yourself, you ask him if you can still see him off at the airport. He says, “I don’t know what I’d do if you didn’t.”

Then you ask if you can kiss him again. He responds by kissing you first. 

And it’s sad, it tastes like salt and sorrow and you feel like the promises you never got the chance to make are broken. It feels like the most beautiful blue you’ve ever seen, and you know it’s only a branch of Minghao’s color.

He leaves soon after that, pulls on his shoes and his coat and turns around at the door to give you a tired smile. After he’s gone, you drag yourself to Chan’s bedroom, and once he sees the state you’re in, he offers up one side of his bed. Neither of you say anything, but the friendly reassurance of his hand in yours says enough.

You don’t fail to notice that everything seems to be washed out, a blandness you’re not used to.

The last time you see him is at the airport.

It’s a cold day, despite being sunny. The airport offers little warmth, but you figure it doesn’t matter. You won’t be here for long. 

It doesn’t take you very long to find Minghao - you still look for him wherever you go, even if you’re not looking for him. Even then, it’s still so easy for you to find him, to pinpoint that vibrancy, that youth. He’s talking to a few others, you think you met them. Soonyoung and Jun.

Minghao meets your eyes and you freeze, but then he waves you over with a gentle smile. You follow like you think you always will. 

You greet Soonyoung and Jun and the four of you talk, albeit a little awkwardly, even when Soonyoung tries his hardest to lighten the mood. Eventually he has to leave, and Jun follows with a shy goodbye. They both hug Minghao before they go.

You’re not sure what to say, but after a minute, you find words. “I don’t know what I’ll do without you,” you tell him, a little selfishly. 

Minghao says, “you’ll do good. I know you will. I’m not worried about you.”

He pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time, and you think he’ll give you a stiff and sad goodbye, but he steps a little closer to you. Looks at you the way he used to.

“Maybe…” he starts, then pauses. “Maybe we’ll meet again.”

Maybe, you think. Maybe.

“I hope so,” you tell him, then watch as he leaves.

[miutonium]

Lmao so I'm still sick today and I stayed in bed the whole day because of that but I needed to feed my brainrot so instead of being miserable in bed not being able to draw and do my work, I wrote a fic of Utonium and Chloe because I've been obsessing over the thought of them slow dancing and just me writing a HC of ut isn't enough lol

I guess this should be consider as a song fic? Idk man but shhh please im begging u pls listen to "Dynamic Superior - If I Could Meet You" because its so underrated and it's such a sweet song ;e;

Anyway there's no warning inside other than light angst and probably mention of Chloe's past? Tell me if you want to make me tag something just in case i missed out.

Fic under cut cuz apparently it was 2.3k words lol

"No way,"

Is the first word that came out of Utonium's mouth when she admits to him that she never slowed dance.

"You're kidding, right?" He asked, it's not confrontational, no. Rather he find it amusing that his girlfriend confesses she never slowed danced before.  Throughout his time getting to know her, through their small talks when he was her patron, shoving pancakes into his mouth as he secretly steals a glance of her through the reflection of the corner mirror, and when he finally dated her, listening to her talking about her wild adventure back in her early 20s, he never really thought that her never slow dancing before would amuses him more.

"No, I actually never did." She confirmed her previous statement as she gets up from her seat from one of his couch in his office.

"Hmm, but you told me you used to go to clubs before, right?" He asked more, his posture now straightened up to focus on her, curious to know what her answers will be.

"Well, yeah, but it's not the same though. At clubs you just dance erratically to whatever the crazy beat was and you're surrounded by a bunch of intoxicated ravers." Chloe explains further, while mindlessly checking out his shelves full of books and piles of papers she will never understand.

"How about school though? You can't tell me you dont have those in your homecoming prom?" Utonium shifts his swivel chair towards her direction, by this time he already lost interest on continuing writing his notes and tucked his pen into his pocket. "I mean, even back in the 60s we have those, although we're swaying to Elvis." He continued.

"I thought Elvis was lame by the 60s," Chloe turns her head to Utonium,

"Well, technically you're right, that's what you get when you have adults at that time be in charge of the music selection." He chuckled slightly, remembering his time back in high school wearing an oversized suit belonging to his ol' pops. Eugene never let him wear his tartan suits even though they're equally the same size no matter how much he argued and cried to his mom about it and Utonium never owned a suit other than it's a hand-me-down from his relatives at that time.

For a moment, there was silent. The only audible thing was the table fan whirring and blowing cool air in the room, none of them seem to speak again. And that's what they always do in the room, talk until the conversation die down and do their own thing in silent. And it's never awkward to them, Utonium finds her presence to be welcoming, even when he's busy either writing notes for his next class or stressing over writing some finishing touches to his papers. Knowing that he isn't alone and being able to look at Chloe reading magazine or napping on his couch with the book covering her face eases him tremendously. Sometimes he laid his lab coat on top of her just to cover her from the cold air.

His office used to be messy and....lifeless, as Chloe would say. White walls with brown and nude furnitures decorating the space, with piles of documents and papers strewn on his tables and coffee marks on the work table that he didn't seem to bother wiping out. Although, oddly enough, other spot doesn't seem to be affected by the mess, only his table were a nightmare for Chloe to witness. Utonium couldn't recall why he let her into his office in the first place, his own kids rarely goes inside his office as well. But nevertheless, he welcomed her presence into his office and let her add a few decoration of her own just to lighten things up in the room. From an outsider's eyes, its pretty easy to catch on which stuff belongs to Utonium or Chloe, the random pink flamingo figure right next to his brown golf bag doesn't seem to match his aesthetic to start with, and so does the random decorations and a vase full of fresh  flowers right on top of his coffee table. But he accepted it, it makes him happier that his office looks more like theirs now.

"No, I don't. I didn't go to my prom." And Utonium snapped back to reality when he realized Chloe now stares back at him from a distance, now playing with

an hourglass from the bookshelf. "Back then, my parents couldn't afford the fee and a pretty dress for me to go. And at that time I just don't see the need to go, I could have use my own money to feed my siblings instead."

"I missed out, didn't I?" For some reason, Chloe felt a bit sad that she missed out on a lot of things from high school and even more so when she remembers that she didn't even graduated high school. Maybe if she took her education seriously, she might ended up being a better person than she currently is.

"No honey, you don't. I got stood up by a girl and ended up bailing earlier with my buddies to go get hamburgers instead." Utonium reassures her, he could sense that his sweetheart is upset being reminded about her teenage years. They've been dating for months now and it's not until recently he found out that behind her confident and cheery facade she shows to everyone at work and him, she hides her regret and insecurity so well. And he figured it out one day after she burst into tears one night on their bed crying about how she doesn't deserve a good and smart man like he is when she's an exact opposite of his with no goal. It took him a while to calm her down and reassures her that he loves her dearly with no condition. Even so, he still doesn't know her own history and family, she's reluctant about talking about them but Utonium had no intention to do so. All that matters to him is that she is safe with him and he'll do everything in his power to make the happiest woman ever just like she did to him.

"Huh, unlucky. I would've wanted to dance with you if I were that girl." Chloe chuckles lightly and it puts Utonium in ease knowing that she finds it funny.

"Would you, though? You saw my school yearbook picture before didn't you?"

"You're right, I probably would've give you a wedgie instead." She laughed and he pouted, feigning hurt from her comments. She of course knew that he's a good sport about it and continues messing around with the books on his bookshelf looking for something to mindlessly read about.

Utonium finally rise from his chair, walking towards the record player nearby the shelf before bending down and quickly shuffles his fingers through records he owns , stopping at a certain cover and pulling it off his shelf. He lightly blow and dusted off the cover, it says "Dynamic Superior" at the front.

By this time, Chloe already picked a book and sat down on the couch, her eyes just scanning and reading the text in the magazine mindlessly, before she heard soul music plays in the room.

"If I could meet you now, instead of years ago-, ♪"

She took a peak from her book to see Utonium swaying slowly to the music.

"Kenny?" She called him out meekly. It's not uncommon to see him put on music whenever they're in the office, but this is her first time seeing him slowly moving along to the beat in a dance, and she couldn't help but to stare at him, her eye follows his every movement up to when he waltz his way to the couch she's sitting on.

"If I could start again, I'll never let you go,♪"

"Will you have this dance with me?" Utonium leans down slighly, he extends his palm in front of her, roping her to join him in.

"Yes, yes I do." Chloe accepted his offer with a smile on her face, holding his palm as he helped her getting off of the couch. He then helped her balancing on heels before he placed his hand right on her shoulderblade.

"If I could meet you now, If I could hold you close,♪"

She placed her hand onto his shoulder, her other hand cupped by Utonium's larger hands. When he feels that she's ready, he slowly move his feet, with Chloe following his footsteps afterwards. It seems so natural to Chloe, she doesn't have a hard time picking up to his slow pace and more so that she didn't mistep nor accidentally stepped on his feet, as if she had this dance with him before.

And they swayed slowly to the sweet melody, their body closely hold onto each other. Utonium's eyes softly curls into crescent as he gaze onto her eyes, enjoying his moment with his

beloved.

"I whispered all the love yous, The ones I didn't show,♪"

"I thought it would be nice if you danced with me." Utonium whispered, as if he knew that Chloe would ask him why he decided to break into a slow dance.

"How do you feel about it?"

"It's...it's really nice." Chloe professed.

"I think it would be nicer if you put Elvis on." And it earned a tiny chuckle from Utonium.

"I'll bribe the DJ next time."  He smiled, before shifting his pose slightly so now their bodies are closer to each other.

"T-thanks anyway, for giving me the chance to do this." Her voice was tiny, trying to hide her embarassment from him. "I don't think anyone ever do this to me until you do."

Utonium knew exactly what she meant, his small gesture might meant nothing to anyone, but for her? It meant everything. Every small things he did meant the world to her. Growing up, she constantly seek attention from her parents, shifting to boys when she grew older because she never receive enough affection from anyone. And it pains her that none of her feeling were being reciprocate enough, all she ever wanted was to feel loved, just like how she loved all her previous partners before. But a human can only handle so many heartbreaks before they wear down and had enough of it.

"When I go back in time, in my memories' mind,♪"

And so she promised that she won't be wearing her heart on her sleeves no more and not rely too heavily on anyone, afraid that she would be disappointed and left with another broken heart, that is until she started dating Utonium. Learning from her previous relationships, she decided to put her expectation low. She didn't want to pursue affection and asked for kisses and hugs, she thought to herself that maybe if she doesn't put any expectation this time, she won't be a broken mess by the time Utonium would have left her when the time comes. She's used to disappointment and heartbreaks, its pretty much a norm to her, but she's not use to when this time, Utonium's the one seeking her love and affection. She's not used to him being the one initiating hugs and cuddle session, she's not used to him to being the one planning for dates and she's not used to him being the one that has to ask if he could place a sweet kiss on her lips. And it overwhelms her so much to the point that Chloe breaks down completely one day, screaming at Utonium "What do you want from me?!"

"I will not change in a million ways if I could meet you, if I could meet you. ♪"

Being so used to being manipulated to get something from her, she couldn't even tell that Utonium's feelings were genuine. She couldn't even tell that this whole time, Utonium's the one that has been wearing his heart on his sleeves all along. And being the patient and sweet man he is, instead of leaving her brewing in her thoughts, he held her close to him, his hand gently rubbing soothing circles onto her back before whispering his true intention to her.

"I don't know what they've done to you. And I'm sorry it happened to you, it hurts me tremendously to see you like this. But please believe me that everything I do was real. I love you, please hold onto me, okay?"

Words are easier to be said than done and it was hard for Chloe to accept at first, but seeing how patient he was dealing with her at her lowest, sticking around giving her support and encouragement and how kind and sweet he is to her and others slowly makes her believe that his intention were genuine. And slowly she accepts that just as she wanted love and affection, Utonium was seeking the same thing as she does, which is why he would do everything for her, including swaying aimlessly in the middle of his office.

"if I could meet you, if I could meet you now.♪"

"You know that I would do anything for you, right?"

Utonium's smile never falter as he waited for her to response.

"Yeah, you do."

By this time, the music almost reached to the end, and they swayed slowly, their faces now very close to each other, lips inches away from touching each other.

"Chloe, can I kiss you?" Utonium breathed.

"If I kiss you, I will show you how much I need you. ♪"

She always finds it so cute that even though they've been dating for a while, he never failed to ask for permission, despite how much she assured him that he didn't need to ask. At this point, she just accepts that it's a quirk of his and she has no issue with it.

Chloe hums, before she tiptoed and sealed his soft lips with hers. Utonium soon returned her gesture and leaned into her kiss.

"If I could meet you now, If I could meet you. ♪"

[hi-there-cake]

1. are you named after anyone: nope!!! well. ok so the name im choosing for like. gender purposes Is named after someone (that one texpost of trans people naming yourself after characters. youll never guess who it is) but my birth name wasnt! my mom just wanted a kickass name apparently if i ever became the CEO of something. man by that logic they couldve named me so many horrible horrible things i think i got lucky

2. when was the last time you cried?: last. llast thursday!! :,3

3. do you have kids?: no for. slightly obvious reasons (minor and aroace)! sometimes i think abt being a teacher but i think if i did that id actually implode and my insurance wouldnt cover me

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?: uuuhhh depends!! not usually but irl my dad called me the king of it so. mayhaps :]

5. what sports do you play/have played?: ive played soccer with my dad and i did like. school mandatory sports before and the only time i willingly did sports was in like. 4th grade where i did karate when i Actually wanted to do gymnastics because i did it when i was like. a baby and i remembered it being very fun. however since them i havent touched a sport,,,,,,,,,,,, trolls movie image here dot png

6. what’s the first thing you notice about other people?: OUGH UH! hhm probably their voice or whatever is on their person at the moment! if its online its just interests and disinterests. i dont. llook at faces a lot </3

7. eye color?: hazel green amalgamation of whatever made the devil cry. it looks grey from afar but it isnt + it gets more colored as i grow

8. scary movies or happy endings?: i like happy endings just in general (IF THEYRE WELL DONE..,,,,, i think. maybe you could like shake a bag of happy endings like shaking a bag of cat food for a cat) but i think i could watch scary movies! the bad part of this though is that im a scardey cat and i will have to like. leave my lights on at night if i do watch them. though the plus side is that Most things arent scaring me anymore! but that may be because most of them are games

9. any special talents?: i asked my dad and he said no! i can. reach my leg pretty far id say but yeah no dice

10. where were you born?: IN THE PRIDE AND PROUD COUNTRY OF AMERICA BABY YYYEEEEEHAWWW (nerf gunsjots, looneytunes cat yell, a heavily distorted version of the american flag playing as the sfx of a campfire burning plays in the bg)

11. what are your hobbies?: drawing, i would say writing but so far ive. bever actually published anything especially fanfiction. i tried and i failed!! mayhaps light analysis, and watching analysis videos in general! im. i cant say comics (yet,,,, soon,, SOON!!!) but i can technically say worldbuilding. no i have not published anythign. no i have not told anyone what i have planned. i totally and completely knowbwgat im doing and Not going insane just like the guy in junji itos hole 👍💯🔥🔥🔥

12. do you have any pets?: two cats!!!!!!! one meows and is tiny while the other is a behemoth orange dumb cat. i love them both equally

13. so. sooomewhere around 5 feet,,,.,.,.. im. im the smallest one in my friend group

14. favorite subject in school?: social studies back in 6th grade and art back in also 6th grade! simce then however no subject has truly captured me besides Maybe english and biology! actually no my english teacher was so cool so id say english :]

15. dream job?: something fun,,, i.

^ that. maybe a game designer (ive been thinking of game and story ideas), an artist of Some kind, an. annnimator??, comic artist, and maybe a gamer/streamer (a friend assignmed me that) but also theres a strong possibility id get Crushed like an ant in that kinda job. i do like me some games though i! guess i just dont know at rhe moment yknow? god i might get a retail job head in hands

OK THATS IT!!! did not expect to get tagged! hm. @m3wllo @cuntunism @fabledgalaxies @blockmenonthemind @warioimgonnawin @autocorrection

oh heck yeah tag game I will do it

tagged by @pokette :] for 15 questions for 15 mutuals

are you named after anyone? Technically no. However after I was born my mom learned that my great-grandmother's birth name was my name so...uhhh

when was the last time you cried? HAHA. HA. Last week.

do you have kids? No and I don't really want them despite liking kids

do you use sarcasm a lot? occasionally, though not as much as my personality would suggest

what sports do you play/have played? I don't think I've ever officially been in The Sports in any capacity except maybe badminton for like, two weeks

what's the first thing you notice about other people? How talkative they are

eye colour? Hazel ish

scary movies or happy endings? I am a happy endings freak if that makes any sense. Love that stuff. I don't mind the occasional scary movie though

any special talents? I can lick my elbow

where were you born? in an english speaking countryyy

what are your hobbies? Drawing obsessively and writing just as obsessively (mostly roleplaying)

do you have any pets? The apartment I live in does not allow them, but my parents keep calling their cat mine

how tall are you? I'm under 6' and I wish I was 6' yeah I KNOW tall people live shorter lives statistically but

favourite subject in school? English and Biology bay-beeee Biology was the only science I was any good at but I'm decent at math idk why it's probably my inability to think critically

dream job? I get bored of everything. what's the creator of earthbound shigesato itoi doing? I wanna do that but I'm not sure if i'm charming enough to pull it off

tagging um. @uncannychelle @smilesrobotlover @foooxobsessedperson @goopi-e @philipszelda @hi-there-cake @jackalopedoodles @jekyllhydetrash

no pressure ofc!