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#pokemon#pokeani#anipoke#pokemon brandon#pokemon spenser#<<has anyone ever even used that tag#rip frontier brains. ily guys#but rip
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Bad: I donāt think people understand the effect QSMP had on some of the streamers in terms of likeā¦ The real raw mental impact, so Iām gonna set the stage for you. [...] Imagine that you were given a friend to play Minecraft with ā like your best friend ā BUT if this person dies, if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Can you imagine what thatās like?
Bad: If you did not live through the QSMP, if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I donāt think people realize how much of a joyous experience the Eggs were. They were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with.
Bad: Iām not saying I regret it. To this day, I loved the experience. Iād do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again. [...] I would still do it all over again, because ā even knowing like, all the trauma and sufferingĀ and stuff like that ā because it was justā¦ It was just that fun, it was just that fun.
Earlier today during his stream, Bad shared his experience and thoughts about the Eggs and the significant emotional (and traumatic) impact they had on him and his fellow QSMP members.
This clip a very edited-down version since his commentary was ~13 minutes long, so I highly recommend checking out Bad's VOD if you have the time. (Timestamp: 47:36 - 1:00:14)
[ Full Transcript ā ]
āāā
Bad: To be fair Chat, I really think the QSMP... I don't think anyone really can relate to it, Chat. It's something that's so... I've told people this before, likeā but it's hard to understand. Right? Like...
Where was I? Sorry Chat, I'm losing my train of thought. Look, let me explain Chatā here's the dealio, ok? Here's the dealio, and this is what I mean when I say like, it's important to keep this in mind, Chat. Ok? It's important to keep this in mind:
I donāt think people understand the effect that the QSMP had on like, some of the streamers, in terms of likeā¦ The real raw mental impact, so Iām gonna set the stage for you. This is the analogy Iāve given to every person who Iāve like, shared this with. Imagine you meet somebodyā [He hears a strange noise] What the fudge was that? Did you hear that?
Anywayā Chip! The story I was just relaying to Chat, Chip, was this: I was sharing this story with them, I saidāĀ I was giving them an analogy.Ā
Imagine Chat, for example, imagine that you wereā¦ playing Minecraft, with likeā you were given a friend to play Minecraft with, Chat, like your best friend, and [unintelligible] were like, āHey, you get to play Minecraft with this person, right? BUT if this person dies ā theyāre currently your best friend, Chip ā but if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Ever again.ā Can you imagine what thatās like, Chip?
I donāt think a lot of people understand like, what that does, right? Iām not gonna say that like, it creates this situation, Chip, that like, messes with your head, but itā Chip ā but it totally, totally does, Chip. It messes with your head! It literally puts you in a position where youāre second-guessing and thinking about everything, Chip! Youāre thinking about EVERYTHING Chip! Ok? And thatās the problem, Chipā is you turn into a paranoid monster because of it, Chip! Like, you donāt understand Chipā I was- I was so afraid of every dirt block, I used to carry a shovel with me Chip, and I would specifically right-click dirt blocks that looked suspicious because mines, Chipā mines could not be shoveled! Like, I was crazy, Chip! But hereās the problem, Chip: that craziness is still there. Iām genuinely likeā
I remember thinking Chip, that I would one dayā I was like, āIām going to move pastāā here, letās go up here, Chip. I remember thinking one day Chip, I was like, āIām gonna move past the underground base, one of these days. You know, one of these days, I feel like Iāll be able to grow and achieve the desire to build a base that doesnāt have to be underground.ā But I donāt think itās possible now Chip, because I thinkā¦ I just donāt know. I feel like the paranoiaā thereās still like, residual leftover trauma from that situation, Chip.
But hereās the problem Chip: I donāt think I donāt thinkā I donāt think people understand it. Like, I just really donāt. But I also donāt blame them Chip, ācuz I donāt think itās possible to fully understand it if you havenāt lived through it. Like, if you did not live through the QSMPā¦ Iām talking about the QSMP, I donāt- I donāt know if that was obviousā if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I donāt think people realize how much of a joyous experience like, the Eggs were. Right? I donāt think people realize it. Like, they were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with, Chip. So, itās just one of those things thatā
[Heās interrupted by a loud rumble of thunder above them]
Did lightning just strike here? Is it thunderstorming outā¦? But anyway, Chip. Thatās the food for thought.
But thatās the problemā Like, every time it rains in Minecraft, I have to like, look at the sky, and I get this weird, like, second--hand vibe because of the trauma. The trauma, Chip! The trauma is real! But thatās the pointā Iām not saying I regret it. I, to this day Chip, I loved the experience. Iād do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again.Ā
[He falls down] Dangit, donāt come over here Chip, ācuz Iām coming back up! Ok.
I would still do it all over again, because ā even knowing like, all the trauma and sufferingĀ and stuff like that ā because it was justā¦ It was just that fun, Chip, it was just that fun. I really wiā I donāt think itās ever gonna be possible, Chip, to give people that same energy, like that same experience. You know what I mean, Chip? I donāt think itās ever gonna be possible again. Like, EVER.
Becauseā¦ because like, one: I will say on one level Chip, I will say on one level, likeā itās sort of emotionally likeā¦ Itās emotionally devastating, and I think to actually go through thatā and this is where like, if I ever do end up going to aā see a therapist, if I ever do end up going to see a therapist at any point, Iāll talk it over with them and be like, āHey, what do you think about this?ā Because I genuinely think on one level, likeā itās created this fear of forming attachments because of like, how things can go. You know what I mean? Like, the fear of getting attached to something and then potentially losing it. Like, itās- itās a genuine thing. I think people forget about that.
Like, at the end of the day, everything was RP, right? On the server. You know what I mean? Like, everything was RP, Chip. BUT at the same point, even though it was RP Chip, it was still likeā there the reality of you were still playing like, with another person, and you were still getting that experience, and it felt like you were genuinely attached to someone and you didnāt want anything bad to happen to them. It was GENUINELY stressful, Chip.
But at the same point, I donāt regret it, and I donāt think it was a bad experience. IāmāĀ
Sometimes in life Chip, you go through stuff, and maybe you have a certain amount of like, things that like, can happen, that youāre like, āYou know what, maybe this wasnāt a good thing that this happened,ā but at the same point, you still arenāt necessarily upset about it, becauseā¦ itās like growing as a person, right? Hereās the thing Chip; even bad situations, Chip, can lead to an overall good outcome. Likeā
Even if youāre going through something bad Chip, just because a bad thing happens doesnāt mean that only bad things have to come from that. Thatās one of the things I tell people all the time, Chip, is that if you go through a bad situation, you can learn from it, and you can use your experience to help others. And you can be thatā you can be, at the worst-case scenario, you can be someone for other people who are going through that same experience to lean on when they go through that.I think thereās a certain amount of comfort that comes from that; from knowing no matter how bad your situation is, youāre not the only person whoās experienced it. You know what I mean?
#Badboyhalo#BBH#Bad#QSMP#January 8 2025#Edited#I know folks are going to add their two cents on this subject in the tags / comments / replies (and as always you're welcome to do that)#But for the sake of my sanity please don't be an asshole to any of the CCs / ex-admins / fellow fans / anyone else. Thanks#Most folks here don't need a ''Don't be a dumbass'' reminder but I had to block someone for that earlier and it was a bit disappointing#This is going to be a Tumblr exclusive clip because I don't trust Twitter to have common sense or common decency about this topic#Tumblr exclusive#Anyways business aside ā that black line on the side is just part of Bad's stream btw. He just Has That#Took too long for this to render otherwise I'd edit it out because it's annoying#I'm just realizing this screenshot doesn't even have Dapper OTL but it's the best one I have so I gotta work with what I got#Honestly; I still miss QSMP dearly... I love the core intent of the project and the multicultural exchange#I love all the language barriers that were broken and I loved all the stories that were told and watching beautiful friendships bloom#But I am still so angry and disappointed about how things ended and all the poor communication and the admin situation as a whole#It's a complicated feeling#I agree with pretty much everything Bad says here#It's ironic that he uses that analogy because I've said almost the exact same thing when explaining why losing any Egg was so devastating#We weren't just mourning for the characters. We were mourning for the admins too#I'll never forget that last stream with Tazercraft and Richas; and Pac ending stream in tears#I wish they'd done away with the Egg life system. I wish they'd done a lot of things differently#If the project ever does come back in some shape or form I hope they are more transparent about things and have better communication#I dunno how I'd feel personally. They would have to do a lot of work regaining people's trust#And frankly I don't think they'll ever regain that trust from a large portion of the community#I remember near the start of QSMP I saw a comment from a fan that simply said ''QSMP; please don't leave me feeling bitter''#I think about that comment a lot
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been thinking about something wicked a little too much lately. no harm in romanticizing the ominous dreadful unstoppable force
#ultrakill#v1#v1cked#<- unsure if ive ever officially decided that was the tag id be using but i dont recall anyone else having an idea for it#v1 and something wicked... ouhehehe#in a game like this... with conflict and violence and unceasing demand for a spectacle it is a step back to have v1 find themselves in a-#dark and quiet labyrinth belonging to a force that scares even them#idk. i think about it. its so unlike everything v1 has gone through thus far (though albeit not much as 0-S is in prelude. but i assume-#-there was some killing before they decided to drop down)#maybe it reminds them of their home? where they were built? light humming of wicked passing feels like the buzzing of bright artificial-#-lights that were routinely shined down on them for maintenance#a strange but welcome connection...#and something wicked is very lonely. i dont think it has much of an issue with this seeing as it knows its maze so so well.. im sure it-#-cares for it extensively. but a machine? coming here? i wonder if something wicked has the ability to interact with the terminals at all#terminals do really only talk to machines#but this one seems quite lonely. i dont think itd mind if something wicked happened to take a look#ok im done#gen art
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made them to strike fear into my heart whenever i falter in my studies
no text ver under the cut
#vbros#venture bros#the venture brothers#pete white#rusty venture#thaddeus venture#ts venture#admin draws#fanart#btw thank you everyone on all the tags on that last post :') rly needed that#i forgot how annoying lining stuff is lol ive just been cleaning up sketches for so so long#that i dont remember the last thing i actually lined#anyways free use for anyone else who wants this to put on and watch over them menacingly while they procrastinate#this has been in my brain ever since i started watching the show too cause like for weeks#i would motivate myself to do my exercises or study the shit i didnt even feel like touching anymore by thinking#i am halfway into a life of compliance and if i continue this way i will be like rusty and i DO NOT WANT TO BE LIKE RUSTY.#like its way too close for comfort even if its objectively not too close at all. but let me tell you that fear is a powerful motivator.
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perhaps the most important question iāve ever asked:
does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that arenāt weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies
#when i tell you every single resource iāve ever found or tried to get through or anyone iāve ever asked#has been just so. mean about it#not even intentionally#not always at least#but thereās so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things#that i donāt think people can untie that from their āhelpful tipsā#itās all āi used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you donāt have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!ā and itās like. okay.#you see how thatās not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any āon timeā person#ever had#this has been a comic iāve been stewing on for ages as well but. well thereās of course the shame#idk itās something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it#see it as a personal choice to be late#and as something one needs to just ātry harderā to fix. and that if you donāt#you inherently donāt care about other peopleās time or even other people in general#and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean iāve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices#itās something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for#bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. theyāre always always viewed as a personal failing#and iām sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves#and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Donāt care about anyone else#thereās a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month
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Enough general kn8 art, time to make everyone look at my weird little ship hello
#kn8#ichikawa reno#i still want to tag him leno help will i ever unlearn this#narumi gen#narureno#outing myself as a weird little freak#pls consider them they are very fun in my head KJSDHFS#Has anyone else ever even thought of them together in any way or am I more delusional than i already know i am#don't look at me I'M SHY ABOUT THEM#i just think narumi being such a little shithead and reno being polite cutie would be sooo funny#also aesthetically they are very pleasing together#which is the initial reason i started shipping them but now everything else is making sense too skdjfhs#manga spoilers ahead but like narumi respecting power and reno getting to use 6 which is the most powerful numbers weapon like??#IT MAKES SENSE#logging off and digging a hole and lying in it now out of fear goodbye
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Well here's an Art vs artist meme with some art from this year!
I don't think I've ever done one of these before, but I really like this jacket. It's a marlboro jacket but I don't smoke and I already feel bad telling people I don't have a light and that will be bad x100 when I'm literally wearing a cigarette jacket so I tried to cover the patch up with one I made. cause I really like this jacket
#most of my family smokes (which is why I don't) so no judgement but yeah I dont have any I can share.. I could carry a lighter for people ig#but damn. what a good jacket. you cant even see the whole thing and my cool red belt with it#anyways. I never share pictures of myself cause people often get weird but I really like clothes!#which famously go on a person#and this is popular meme so I think its a good way for me to like break the ice for myself#if I am gonna ever share clothes I make/collect#I go thrifting like. every so often. used to be about once a month but has been less frequent recently#cause I cant afford spending like $50 on pants or whatever so I just check regularly#and if I like anything EVER then I get it then#and then I just mend my clothes so I can use them as long as possible basically#cause I just can't wait til I need pants to go and find pants that I like#otherwise I'll either end up with something I dont like or something that was way too expensive!!!#shoes are the hardest cause my feet are deformed. which is so sad cause shoes are like. I love them so much...#anyways.#art vs artist#me#idk what to tag this whatever#bye#thats me thats my face#if anyone is weird I'm deleting the post
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imagine...
...that some things have changed (including some marigold ventures?) and Atlas May is like uh oh both lackadaisy & i are doomed, but if i set up my own death maybe only i'll be doomed and lackadaisy might have to shutter but perhaps more so on involved people's terms, such as mitzi being fine financially, but also if she thinks it's her fault that'll be good for maintaining my posthumous Image to her, perhaps she did some defrauding again? and i'll have mordecai, my trusted & effective gunman, be the one to fatally shoot me, & of course he doesn't want to, but it's Mere Work Ethic time, what's he gonna do besides argue at all maybe, ultimately refuse? (no) and he may hate it but he's not going to want to fully turn on mitzi or anything after because then what would have been the point
#the power of images to incoherently posit my Ideas#can't be concise but Can frame this completely with What If Atlas Did This Thing#if i start with ''so mordecai killed atlas'' there's no time to be like ''not cuz he wanted to; yeah no he wouldn't betray him;'' etc#but see: my tag:#mitzi and mordecai murder mystery#lackadaisy#mitzi may#mordecai heller#i bet that horatio absolutely did not ever do that. chaisis is trying to be a play on crisis btw#bristling fugue moments? don't try to verify it#for the life of me i couldn't find that one specific edit that ends with the ''I Want To Dream....'' dialogue doesn't it lmao. nevertheless#kind of what i meant to make when i ended up drawing Lackabowling & mordico. nicodecai. mordenico. you understand#not sure anyone can understand i'm trying to convey ''if mordecai had to noscope atlas (from afar i bet) a second would pass Very Slowly#from his perspective. how useful if he even has clock sound effect leitmotifs established'' or anything else. have fun be yourself. Post!#corned beef#(ha only now do i remember ''that's completely ambiguous whether it's a second or minute hand'' zoinks#oh well: A Second Feels Like Fifteenish or Mordecai Is Just Standing There Emoji For A Full Minute....either way i guess)
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honestly your dpxdc clone au gives me life, its adorable as all hell and im a sucker for found family but with that being said, its so freaking hysterical to me that Danny is going full feral liminal menace at Wes any time hes near and Wes himself is still 100% into it the freak (affectionate) and thats not even pointing out the paralles it could possible create since danny and dames gives massive parallels to dick and damian and dick does have a thing for redheads.
yeesSSSSS! I was planning on hoarding this to myself but i can't not reply. and i'll be able to find this again with the clone^2 tag so win WIN. i'm so glad you are as delighted by this as me. It's so hilarious to me that Danny just becomes a complete freak whenever he spots Wes, and I'm the one who wrote it into existence. Like- like i don't know how to explain my vision in words but like, its like Danny sees Wes and immediately goes 'what can I do to make his day worse'. And then he goes and does it.
(honorary read more because i talk a lot)
He's relatively normal around his friends too, which makes him going full-fledged unhinged around Wes even funnier to me. Like, Danny will spout weird shit sometimes to Sam and Tucker, but usually its prefaced with him talking about patrol or there would be context before he said anything. With Wes? Though?? he will just. say anything, completely unprompted. Slings an arm around his shoulder like they've been buddies since primary school and then spits out a weird new fun fact he learned about the bodily anatomy while researching his latest cold case. All vaguely-threatening but utterly insane things to say as way to start a conversation.
And sometimes its not even that, he'll walk up to Wes and ask him if he saw the latest daytime fight between Phantom and Skulker. And then he'll say "yeah i missed it myself but I saw clips of it being posted online" and then watch Wes mentally explode him with his mind. or he'll disparage Phantom for having such a young partner with him, "Can you believe he'd let a kid fight ghosts with him? I'd never let my brother ghosthunt with me if I was Phantom."
All of this with such a deceptive look on his face but the most delighted, shit-eating gleam in his eyes. Wes is chewing glass and he wants to yell that he does let his brother fight ghosts with him. Also you told him yourself that nothing would've stopped your demonic (Wes' words) little brother from joining you.
Damian gets in on the fuckery occasionally, but since he's not around often with Wes about, it doesn't happen nearly as often as it does between Wes and Danny. Sam and Tucker know he's screwing with him too, and both of them are a little wary about him being careless with his secret id. But he's been doing this since he was 14-ish and it hasn't backfired yet. So. They're not actively stopping him.
Danny walks back to his lunch table after terrorizing Wes and Tucker just asks him what he said, because Wes was about as red as a tomato when he walked away. Danny offhandedly sighs and innocently says he tried to have a conversation about Phantom with him. Wes didn't seem to like it all that much. Weird.
And yes, yes. Wes is totally into it and is slightly enraged about this fact, because not even he knows why he's into it. The freak (affectionate). Danny gives him this troublemaker smirk, and i did say smirk, and Wes doesn't know whether or not if he wants to smack him or kiss him. Or both. Like, yeah, pine, white boy, pine.
(And this is a dramatized image but I'm also highly entertained by the idea that Wes keeps getting routine dirty looks from various peers because they, too, have a crush on Fenton. Except Fenton doesn't talk to anyone else unless its his friends and sometimes Valerie, and Weston, the guy who keeps accusing him of being the local vigilante, is somehow routinely having conversations with him?? And BLOWING IT?? Like everyone else thinks he's fumbling so bad, and yet fenton keeps tALKING to him.)
And yes!! i'm always so pleased whenever someone brings up the parallels D+D have to Dick and Damian, because that was lowkey my intention when I was making the solo clone damian au. Although it was supposed to be more implied since I don't really know much about Damian and Dick other than they're very close and Dick was Damian's Batman for a year. And then of course the very smaller parallel (??) 'what if' between Bruce and Damian and D+D in clone^2 considering who they are both clones of.
And man this just makes me want to talk about when batfam meet D+D because I just want them to see D+D be so brotherly towards each other. Like I want them to see Bby Dames wearing his goofy fun fact shirts and stealing Danny's hoodies/flannels/etc and blatantly lying about it when Danny asks. Only for Danny to then throw him over his shoulder like Tadashi from BH3 and jump around.
And also. I do not know what Damian Wayne's (DW as I'll call him) stance on being called "Dami" is - the general consensus I've seen is that its usually used as a playful nickname in order to get a rise out of him, and he doesn't really like it.
But baby Dames being called that freely, and often, and its sometimes used to get a rise out of him but thats typically what nicknames do. Its used as easily as his full name is with the same amount of affection. And its like his main go-to nickname. "Dami" and "Dames" with the occasional "Bud/Buddy", "Squirt", "Little man", etc. Not once is he ever called 'demon-spawn'
(which i know is a fanon nickname but its a relatively popular nickname)
but yeah, uhhh. i think thats all of my thoughts on the matter. for now lmAO
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#clone^2#i use 'like' so much its not even funny jhdf but it just puts an emphasis on the sentence#honorary read more tag bc damn i talk a lot#i should make a post about danny's relationship with red huntress in the clone^2 au because i like to imagine that's different too#anyways danny and wes' dynamic in clone^2 brings me a lot of joy. they get stuck in a room together and danny gets the biggest grin ever#and wes stares at him before going completely deadpan 'im in hell'. he's being dramatic and only slightly for real.#also im not sure WHAT damian does - honestly the most extreme thing i can think of is him breaking into wes' house and threatening him#but wes has called him danny's 'demonic little brother' ever since. sOMEbody has to give him his 'demon' nickname its just not gonna be#danny or jazz who do it. anyways damian fully supports messing with wes and anyone else who has a crush on danny
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/13974651403c3ab33aaafe0e3d851be2/ce47e3148656fc97-47/s540x810/cb4b124bf5fd11c7c659534b8067254dedbb7d47.jpg)
Thought I'd try give Eon's bearly mentioned mentor, Nattybumpo a go at designing :]
He's only ever really mentioned as having a big orange beard that birds would nest in and that he was LARGE, but here's my interpretation!
Oh and small Eon, lil guy :]
#my art#fanart#doodles#skylanders#skylanders fanart#eon skylanders#skylanders eon#skylanders nattybumpo#has anyone ever even used that tag lmao#poor guy deserves some fans he sounds cool
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c6f30e018a20a26a1ed703268a4c1406/7d463c77864fd55c-1c/s540x810/785d7774c4a8de40f162ebf95c2bc4cd7eb72eb1.jpg)
i finished this in the last 20 minutes of lesbian visibility week after not drawing at all LETS GO
#lila art#genshin#genshin impact#genshin fanart#arlecchino#arlecchino genshin#navia#navia genshin#arlevia#navicchino#i dont think thats a ship name that anyone uses but im tagging it just in case#arlecchino x navia#this took me SO FUCKING LONG you would not believe#to be fair it was because i kept getting distracted by youtube or twitter or the thoughts inside my head#but STILL#i am very proud of this though this is one of like. two kisses ive ever drawn that look Good and the other one i didn't finish lmao#i was kind of impartial to arlevia until like. Yesterday#and now they are very important to me#arlecchino has a big polycule full of all his lesbian girlfriends and one bisexual woman (clorinde)#im also lowk obsessed with drawing sideprofiles because i am fascinated with drawing different noses#and giving characters different nose and face shapes#it is so beautiful how humans are so diverse in even the shapes that our bodies make#i went on a rant with my friend about this a few weeks ago#ANYWAY i was going to say this earlier but i forgot#i am Sorry for those two panels being so rushed and bullshitted#i had been working on this for like 8 hours and i wanted to be done SO BAD#but i needed to finish before lesbian visibility week ended!!!!#ok going to farm for father before i pass out good bye
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"Found out" set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i hate having a strong cinematic image in your mind for months..working hours on it..& at the end looking you have to be like āSure. :/"#i'm especially unsatisfied with the beginning and the end and how i can't get eyebrows to work as i want#but i dont care any more... this is probably the comic that has given me the most trouble ever i just dont care#i barely even care whatsoever if anyone even sees this..Ugh..but at least i can move on to the next era now#i'm just annoyed i cant get out good enough my image of qifrey flinching bc he thinks oru will hit him but then he is not hit#i feel like sensei will do something along these lines. i want to see what she will do.#there are also other variations i have in my mind. i just want to know#i just don't want it to happen with qifrey on his deathbed or something. but it possibly will. I DONT EVEN KNOW.#i have another very cinematic image in my mind for something sort of along those lines which i will do soon. it never ends...#btw after this is probably my fics. yeah.... i think it has to be my fics. jasmine sort of goes along these lines#i need that space for dialogue. look - i'm a writer. this is HARD for me. so i am really glad i had the space and freedom of words#to process all the feelings. but i tried to get something out in a quick visual space too. <- me defending myself to myself at cai court#anyway going along the lines of 'Jasmine' - they talk this out and argue and cry and oru pushes the hat at him and tells him#why not just erase every memory i have of you then. That would be easier for us all wouldn't it?#they kiss and sob and kiss and lie outside in the flowers for many hours in that one. and then there's 'Deep End' where it turns out#way way way way more time and words is needed for this actually and that's upsetting for everyone.#the destruction of the hat is certainly another path to take. Can you make this work without that hat going up in flames?#something you have always had and have been clinging to will have to be destroyed. You have to lose something now. This is the crux qifrey#I CANT GET IT OUT IN ONE COMIC!!! I CANT DRAW IT OUT!!!! I NEEDED THOSE FICS!!!! PRAISE WORDS!!!! whatever im going to have dinner now
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this one is for my 12 other homies out there who have been on both sides of this meme
#honestly im not even sure why you would ever use complex analysis in comp bio or theoretical bio for that matter#but it's also really not my field#so idk#maybe like some image processing stuff if you REALLY specialise in it? i don't know#if anyone actually has experience in both im curious what you do#i doubled in bio and physics in undergrad so my sitch is a little weird#i know some other ppl who do this but its not super common to my knowledge#also for anyone out there who wants to roast me for not using mmcif i don't care#everyone and their mom and their girlfriend and her girlfriend uses pdb#biology#mathblr#maths#math#math meme#biology meme#proteomics#dude theres NO way proteomics ppl r on tumblr following the tag#complex analysis#i need to stop making memes that are target audience almost exclusively me
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Lady Lesso: Hey so I just think I should warn you now that you're like. back from being dead and all that but uh I know you want to appoint my son as one of the deans and I wanted you to know that he's probably not the best fit for the it given he keep trying to actually kill me and I'm not sure you want a violent sadist teaching students?? I'm not even sure he knows how to write Rafal, already wearing the I'm Not The Stepdad I'm The Dad That Stepped Up shirt: what
#obligatory dj contextualisation in the tags:#No I do not think this is 100% Rafal canon. Truth be told I don't even remember how he and Aric interact in book 3 like at all#(if anyone has any more knowledge about that PLEASE tell me)#I don't even think we like. ever learn how Aric became the Dean? How the hell did he manage that#got the title of LORD and everything#as much as i hate the guy and his character in books 2+3. funny as HELL of him. rafals everywhere are NOT safe from this guy#No i will not reread book 2 OR book 3 anytime soon. yes it is his fault#sge#tsfgae#school for good and evil#the school for good and evil#sfgae#aricposting#do not like how much I've used that tag lately#also a Gentle Reminder that he co-designed those cunty ass book 3 uniforms. I know what you are. what do you MEAN Tedros didn't know#a concerning amount of my Actual Real Life Friends follow me now. so uh. hey girls
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anyone else feeling fundamentally incapable of adjusting to society. also just discovered there's a 30 tag limit which i can't believe i've never hit before
#like it was one thing when i was in high school and college like wasn't socialized as a child due to not receiving schooling and growing up#sda blah blah whatever but like i'm almost 27 and i am barely functioning lol like i feel like i'm struggling to have a normal conversation#even more than i used to and i think my speech cadence is noticably off which i don't think it always has been#some of it is definitely from chronic exhaustion from having to get up too early and the stress of having a frequently panic inducing boss#but like. come on now. i can't even drive despite finally having a license because i'm too scared/distractible/poor reaction time#over a dozen antidepressants have not worked. adderall is not working great either#i'm SO much dumber than i used to be and it's driving me quite literally insane#i don't even think it's from getting covid in july because i was noticing it before although it definitely became way more noticeable after#i got this job. i've never been this bad at a job in my life and it's something anyone who knows me would assume i'd be good at#it's embarrassing. i cannot fucking remember anything i struggle to do the most basic of arithmetic to fill prescriptions i make the same#silly mistakes multiple times i am constantly asking stupid questions and still somehow fucking up all the time#it's not as bad as it was a couple months ago and frankly i'm shocked i haven't gotten fired i keep thinking that's going to happen#of course i wanted to quit this job four months ago but now i'm at like a sunk cost fallacy point unfortunately#this is obviously not like any kind of career position for many reasons but i don't know what else to do unless i move across the country#again. i'm not even qualified for anything besides animal related things and summer camp which are fine obviously but not great if you want#things like benefits or paid leave or not to get burned out as hell lmao#i don't even feel like i could do any customer service jobs because i literally struggle to put a coherent sentence together on the spot#everything is so slow. soooo slow i'm literally losing my mind which is catastrophic because my mind is all i've ever had going for me#and i'm having kind of a horrible existence lately which is exacerbating all my problems except the problems make it mostly impossible to d#anything to fix it. ok going out and doing some fun stuff for a day makes me feel better that's great. except then i need a day after that#to recover from doing things the previous day. so the only feasible day for doing things would be saturday. except on saturdays i'm#recovering from working. i literally only work 4 days and barely over 30 hours it's Not that crazy. i mean the boss is crazy and the job ca#also be crazy obviously but 30 hours a week is minimal compared to other work schedules i've maintained before#anyway but the most i can do after work is go to the store if i need to but i almost never have energy for anything fun#and the fucking bus doesn't run on sundays and walking miles to get literally anywhere takes a lot of energy i don't have#i'm about to move next weekend and i'm dreading it because it's going to be so much work and i'm so fucking tired#and i don't have any friends to help me with cleaning i might be able to get help moving my stuff but i'm not even confident about that#i might have to rent a uhaul but i would honestly rather pay somebody to help because i'm that scared of driving even for one 30 min trip#whatever....sorry i had to feel bad for myself in the tumblr dot edu tags again i'm not in therapy rn#(<- guy who should be in therapy)
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Thinking thoughts about those from Cuivienen and how they later treated the Valar, especially after Cuivienen was destroyed.
I imagine a foundation of sorrow and a layer of betrayal and pettiness. They had promised safety. And how did it turn out? Kin of Tata and Tatie their first leaders, slain in Valinor by the Dark Hunter from which the Valar promised protection in Valinor.
And then, the War of Wrath comes and with it the destruction of Cuivienen.
If any of those were re-embodied in Aman, I wonder if they make it a point to always turn their back to Valar and Maiar. I wonder if they only speak in the tongue they had first devised all those millennia ago and spoke in Cuivienen before time and different kindreds changed the tongue, not Sindarin or Quenya from the Great Journey's time or later. I wonder if they sing songs in their ancient tongue, songs about the beauty and unsullied health of Cuivienen every time any of the Ainur are near.
I wonder if the Valar feel any shame when those who they once looked upon in wonder and love gaze back at them with indifference or disgust.
#i am so normal about the elves of cuivienen feeling the betrayal worse than anyone in aman including feanor and co#they PROMISED safety from Morgoth and orcs. they PROMISED beautiful lands without sorrow. they PROMISED all that and down the line#decided Mogoth had played pretend well enough to warrant him probation during which he immediately killed again#returns to the east and sullies what beauty had been left. and then even from afar he manages to hurt those from cuivienen with the WoW#dont get me wrong i think the cuivienen elves knew there had to be war against Morgoth for him to be defeated. but the fact that the valar#decided not to only abandon those of beleriand for over 5 centuries before that AND once the war is won also abandon#those of cuivienen to watch their beloved lands drown without as much a warning must sting.#i want there to be a concious decision of 'you abandoned your promise to us twice why should we ever trust you again even in your own lands'#a 'you promised our people who folowed you safety. you didnt deliver. you promised us freedom from morgoth. you didnt deliver. in fact your#inadequacy and decision to let him loose made everything worse for us in the east. why should we ever listen to anything you say'#and thus a concious effort to shed association with Aman as the Valar govern it. they cant leave. the way is shut. but they can establish#a sticking to their own tongue and traditions without the interference of the Ainur. they've done enough. not enough and yet quite enough.#the avari are welcome should some be reborn.#i never know if i want those of cuivienen to be reborn in aman or fade into unexistence entirely both have merit and sexy hcs#but if any were reborn i think they would get along fairly alright with the exiles. kinslaying exiles? 50/50 depending on repentance#but anyone who does not believe the valar's words and respects their decision to not ever be associated with them is welcomed neutral-warmly#they teach them songs about cuivienen. the sweet waters. beautiful meadows. the birdsong that sounds extra cheerful. fish in abundance#and in turn they get taught songs about beleriand. bewitched forests. victorious battles. wild rivers. frothy shores.#it is seen as an honour to be taught a song about Cuivienen by the people who sat by its shores once. in their language/dialect/whatever#instead of in sindarin or quenya. some millenia into the 4th age tou have a surge of ppl speaking cuivienen dialect#it becomes a clear distinction of who still has fondness left for the valar and who would feel indifferent if they vanished suddenly.#this tag essay has gotten way too long again. sorry besties it will happen again.#tag essay longer than the fucking post???? help#tolkien headcanons
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