#< though technically I wrote it as QPR

[joswriting]

⸻ WIP intro: On the end of everything

✶ Key words: science-fiction, multiverse, self-acceptance, queer main characters, gloomy comedy, omniscient narrator, toxic friendship / qpr, death

Most inhabitants of the multidimensional Whole (whether they be human, animal, sentient toothpick or hyper intelligent gas cloud) were out for more or less the same thing: to understand and to be understood. However, with existence being so enormous and complex, and their own minds being filled to the brim with contradictions and meaninglessnesses; they barely managed to understand themselves, let alone the situation they were in. Each person had their own way of dealing with this — some found God, others wrote poetry and many decided to ride their bicycles on pavements topped with 20cm snow. And though everyone had to deal with themselves on their own, all were connected through the shared experience of having to take part in existence.

It is fitting, then, that those who were connected by the mere act of living at the same time, should also meet their ends together; without ever having understood what it was all for, anyway. And so the "world" ended neither with a bang nor a whimper, but with a collective "What?". - Prologue

✧ general info ✧

✶ genre: soft scifi approaching science fantasy at times, NA, comedy, philosophical? perhaps not, apocalyptic (technically)

✶ pov: third person omniscient, past tense

✶ status: worldbuilding all but done, writing first draft

✶ (tentative) full title: On the end of everything + 25 ways to feel comfortable in your own skin

✧ main cast ✧

— Celia

full name: Silke Quesada

nickname: Celia

pronouns: she/her

origin: our universe

age: 21

occupation: student

orientation: lesbian

flaw: wishes she was normal

fear: being a burden, not being liked

sources: picrew | faceclaim

— Lea

full name: Beatrix Lea Reiter

pronouns: she/her

origin: our universe

age: 23/24

occupation: cashier

orientation: aromantic hetero

flaw: wishes she was normal

fear: being a bad person (she kind of is)

sources: picrew| faceclaim

— Cornelius

full name: Cornelius Brož

nickname: Nelly

pronouns: he/him

origin: a universe not quite unlike our own

age: 30s-40s

occupation: professor

flaw: wishes he could go back to normal

fear: never getting back the life he had

— Mouse

species: non-sentient mouse

function: former lab mouse, Nelly's pet

origin: universe that I like to call. the eugenics universe (it's not pleasant)

pronouns: it/she

now flaws <3 just mouse 🐁

sources: picrew

✧ practical ✧

✶tag/s: #wip: on the end (for reblogs), #wip: oteoe (for orignal posts such as intros and snippets)

✶ possible CWs: medical malpractice, experimentation on human subjects, dissociation, body horror, death, xenophobia, internalized homo-/queerphobia, internalized ableism, "romantic" relationship with bad power dynamics

✶original title: Über das Ende von Allem + 25 Tipps, um sich in der eigenen Haut wohl zu fühlen

✶ languages: German (original), English (translated by myself once completed). I will probably also translate snippets now and again

✶ writing tools: analogue writing in note book (1st draft)

✶ edit sources: images: space-like background | fonts: Heavy Rain, MS Gothic

✧ taglist ✧

no one here yet. ask to be added (comments, asks, messages, carrier pigeon)

[illusion-of-death]

Hiya! How's about 3, 5, 12, 13, 19, 21, & 23 for that ask meme? :D

Fandom ask game: x

3. All-time favorite pairing? I've answered this one already (Daruk and Urbosa QPR), but if I had to pick a close second, I think I might have to say Yasha and Beauregard from Critical Role. You can just never go wrong with those two.

5. Favorite platonic pairing? I have SO many of these because basically everything I ship is some form of QPR. But if we're talking just two besties being pals (in a very literal sense), I get a lot of enjoyment from the Link and Riju dynamic (again with the Zelda characters, I know, but if you take a look at my AO3 you can probably understand why).

12. Craziest thing you've ever done as part of a fandom? Not sure if this was exactly a 'part of a fandom' thing, but one time in high school I got into an argument with a substitute teacher about a minor character in King Lear, which we were not reading for his class, and got so mad that I went home that night (it was the Friday before a three-day weekend) and showed up Tuesday morning with a six-page paper citing multiple sources detailing why he was wrong. Thankfully he was still there to tell me it was the most iconic thing a student had ever done to him. That guy was the best.

13. Fandom you've been part of the longest? I think the answer to this might technically be Final Fantasy VII, but FFVI is definitely the one that had the most impact on me in those early days.

19. Fanfic you read again and again? At the risk of sounding like I'm tooting my own horn: mine. It was written precisely with my tastes in mind, after all! Besides that, I'll occasionally go back through my bookmarks and reread oneshots I enjoyed, though I don't think I've ever revisited a multichapter more than once.

21. Favorite fic trope? SO MANY. I'm a particularly big fan of 'introspective character studies that are extremely thinly-veiled disability metaphors', if that counts? Or, if you're asking for something easy to describe and commonly tagged: hurt/comfort.

23. Age when you started reading fanfic? I was probably about 11 when I was introduced to the term "fanfiction" and started seeking out and reading it in online spaces, but I definitely wrote my own/read what other kids at school were writing long before I fully understood what we were doing.

Thanks for asking!

[1mnobodywhoareyou]

20 questions writer meme!

Tagged by @onlygenxhere, Thanks! :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 12 (I'm still just a bebe writer)

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 106,918

3. What fandoms do you write for? Julie and the Phantoms

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Phantoms Watch JatP: I am actually so, so proud of this one and have been considering rereading it for myself because I know I did some really funny shit. It's like the title says but they're in a QPR and aged up quite a few years. It was my very first ever fanfic and I'm happy that it led me to writing as much as I do now.

I'm Underneath the Undertow: This has been such a labour of love and a processing device for some really traumatic shit in my life and I'm so happy that others are enjoying reading it. Basic premise is Reggie supporting Julie through grief (in a platonic friendship - this is important to me) and then Julie and the rest of their friends (and Ray) supporting Reggie through major trauma.

Gem in a Black Leather Jacket: I still can't believe how this one came about. This entire series exists because I was trying to find an organic way for the boys to be introduced to a band I love and connect to them and then it spiraled fantastically. This was such a fun way for me to play with Reggie's bi crisis.

Neurotic to the Bone, No Doubt About it: Some Alex backstory and bonding with Julie wrapped up in the band's love of Green Day and Pansy Division. Also the result of aforementioned band introduction attempt.

Hit Like a Girl: My newest addition to the same band-related series and it was a lot of fun. I wanted a way to plug some women rockers I love, complain about algorithms 😅, and make Carrie a closet metalhead.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? YES! Gosh, I appreciate comments so much and for me, receiving ao3 emails about a writer replying to one of my comments is often almost as great as receiving an email about a comment of my own.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? This is complicated but technically I guess Underneath the Undertow? Even though it doesn't end on angst but there isn't like... a happy resolution to the big trauma. Most of my endings are probably just neutral? I don't actually know (feelings are hard for me).

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Hmmm... I guess probably The Phantoms Watch JatP? I only have one plot-driven fic so far but this one ends with a cuddle pile sleepover iirc.

8. Do you get hate on fics? – Not yet. I don't really know whether to expect any or not but I do wrap my politic into my writing so I'm preparing for it to happen eventually. Hopefully with the shrunken fandom I'm safe? We'll see.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Negatory. I've found my way back to reading it but I don't think writing it is within my skillset or comfort zone.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? omg. I'm actually so mad about this. No. I have not. Yet. But a dear mutual (whom I will not tag without their permission) has put a crossover idea into my brain and I HATE IT but it will probably get written eventually so it can leave me in peace.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not yet but I am in the middle of one exploring asexuality that I may co-write with an allo friend because there are too many things I don't think I understand well enough to write how I want to. We shall see. I'm also a bit of a control freak so the premise terrifies me a little bit but also seems fun.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship? Oof. Within JatP only? For canon compliant, probably Juke or Rayvorose (I will fight you, I said compliant)? But gosh, I love Willex too. The longer I spend in the fandom, the more ships I love. Polycurve and polyphantoms? Adore. Flarrie. Boggie.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? I don't have high hopes for the one based on an old band vlog. I keep toying around with how to make it work but I think a lot of what I find funny or want to use for the Sunset Curve boys requires video. We'll see though. I thought I'd never get anywhere with my 'Bad Bobby' fic and now I'm... a whole lotta words in.

16. What are your writing strengths? I don't like this question. Not just because I don't know how to compliment myself but because I genuinely do not know. Maybe someone who's read my stuff can share their opinion.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? I struggle with connecting scenes and endings. I'm sure there's other stuff too but honestly same note as above. Oh. And titles.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? If it's something I can easily google (not translate but actually get context for) without falling into a deep rabbit hole, I'll do it. But I would generally prefer not to.

19. First fandom you wrote for? JatP

20. Favorite fic you've written? Oh. Like of ALL of them or just what's on ao3 so far? Because I'm quite fond of some of my little Tumblr ficlets... 🤔 I need better guidelines! If we go for >1k... AH I still don't know. I'm just gonna say The Phantoms watch Julie and the Phantoms cuz it's been on my brain lately.

I'm not going to tag anyone directly but if you see this and want to write one up, please pretend I did (and tag me so I can read it?). I get really in my head about not missing anyone or tagging someone who doesn't want to be tagged so to avoid that, I'm gonna skip this step.

[officeobject]

LOL, I have similar things sometimes, except I don't hate the people who have those feelings for me (who don't exist unless AI counts), and as much as I'm apothiaroace, NO ONE GETS TO BE CALLED SEXY OR GETS A BOYFRIEND BEFORE ME! I don't even want that, and also I hate QPRs and alterous stuff, and I'm also emotional, don't get over things, and have been feeling rageful today.

I do understand the rage and it do be feeling like that, though I don't hate gender or anything - like, it doesn't TECHNICALLY matter about a person, but calling my teen ghost a dumbass teenage boy, is just very goofy and funny, and he doesn't care either.

No one asked me to judge this person, but I will, because when I reblog stuff, I suppose I just expect it to be kept to my account. I don't think whoever this person is, is a monster at all, but don't get me wrong, I'm biased AF, but hey, still less biased than if I ever called MYSELF a non-monster, though don't get me wrong, I feel like one for a different reason.

And now that we're still talking about my experience which no one asked for but I'm so interested in myself that I'm gonna say it (or maybe it's an autism thing, I don't know), as a kid, I used to be cupio, but became more and more ... well, the opposite. But even when I was cupio, I made a whole fecking list of how to HARSHLY reject the stupid boys at school if they had a crush on me - like, even the idea of rejecting a STRANGER harshly, was something I liked! I think I wrote the list down on my phone, later in life, which was still many years ago, but I still have it.

So yeah, I LOVED the idea of rejecting, and it HAD to be harsh, and I GIGGLED at the thought of going to the club or the bar (a normal thing for a 16 year old, non-16-year-old-me thought), and just REJECTING the SHIT, out of boys!

And yes I still like the idea - well, not going to the club, but oh well (seriously, my expectations VS reality of my personality - like, OH MY GOD) - and I'm thinking I'm CLEARLY not a monster based on that, and even if I WAS, for OTHER reasons, as long as random 30 year old office worker over there (who has a pile of papers on their desk for some reason - like, it's both organized and not - WE SHOULDN'T HAVE SO MANY THINGS IN COMMON) - thinks I'm a good Darlen, then I'm a good Darlen.

Also, I personally have the overly platonic love thing - like, my own version of platonic love - like, I'm just very weird and intense, to the point where I made a (Poll Drama) post about it, because people thought my relationship with Colby (teen boy ghost who appears to like me in the way I like people when I like people), was the intense platonic Darlen friendship thing, and like, technically not, because I've basically blocked my feelings in order to not get attached (which he's unblocking at an alarming pace), but, like, in a way ... well ... yes -

Anyways, in case you're the original poster, looking for the reblog button or something (just kidding, I'd rather bet my money on the block button, feck the other option), then I just wanna say: nah, it's fine.

I'm aromantic, asexual, and angry, and I don't know if that makes me cruel.

I am aromantic and asexual. Sometimes, I even call myself agender because I find gender to be so stupid and not worth my time that I tell people to call me whatever they want. I hate gender, and I hate that it is an aspect that people feel the need to consider. I will never be devoid of gender or people giving me a gender they think suits me. Call me a woman or call me a man; I don't care. I'm agender, and I'm lying if I ever say I am a certain thing.

I'm also angry. There has always been a part of me that has been angry. There are a lot of things to be angry about. That isn't to say I'm always angry, though. I'm just as human as everyone else. I'm not mad constantly. I'm not even a negative person. I like making people happy and seeing people happy. I like having fun. I like to read, play with my cats, meet new people, and encourage others. I am nice. I am welcoming. I try to get along with everyone I meet. I encourage others in their romantic endeavors, even when I don't care for romance, even when romance disgusts me.

I am romance and sex repulsed. I hate the two. I hate when people love me romantically, and I hate the idea of sex. I hate when people view me sexually, and I hate the word "sexy." I hate sex. It doesn't feel bad or anything, but I hate it. I hate them. I hate them. They're gross to me.

Sometimes, I'm cruel. That's something I'm trying to work on. I'm cruel to the people who like me romantically. I hate people who have crushes on me. I hate when these people look at me, and I hate when they think they have a shot with me. I hate their eyes, and I hate their minds. I am disgusted with them. I hate being nice to them, so I won't break their stupid hearts because they are so sensitive. I hate that they can't ever take a bit of rejection. I know love makes people vulnerable, but I absolutely hate it. I don't care if they love me. It makes me feel cruel, as if I'm stomping a puppy for wanting affection.

I absolutely hate romance and sex.

And I've felt so lonely because of it.

Not because I don't like romance and sex, but because nobody else feels like they don't need them like I don't. Everyone seems so obsessed with love and sex. Why do people want them so badly? Well, I know why. But it feels so stupid. Like, I can't understand how romance and sex are so important to humans. Like, Jesus Christ. Can we calm down for a second? Can we talk about something else?

It feels as if I am the only cruel aromantic asexual in the world. I don't even know if I am actually cruel. The disgust I feel, it feels like a natural reaction. It feels like the disgust you get from throwing up. Is it so wrong to feel disgusted with love?

It annoys me when people only talk about love. Why do I have to deal with your obsession with it? I understand that it's only normal for people to need love, but it disgusts me so much that I just can't see why everyone else likes it. It's so annoying. Sometimes, people only find me interesting or worth talking to when I have some romance or sex-related thing happening in my life.

Like, "Oh, so-and-so likes you? Do you like them back?" No. "I heard that this person thinks you're really cute!" I don't care. That's gross. "There's this person I think you'd really like!" Don't you ever try that shit again. If you ever try to set me up with someone, I'll just believe you don't care about me at all. Why would you do something like that, make me feel so disgusted and- I don't know, making me want to claw out my throat?

I don't know if that makes me cruel.

I want to know if there are people like me.

And if there aren't, and it turns out I am only cruel because of my natural disgust for love, then I don't know.

Sometimes, I feel like maybe aromanticism and asexuality might actually be a mental disorder because can it really be possible for only me to feel this way?

Why does it feel like I am the only romance and sex-repulsed aromantic asexual in the whole world? Like, I don't feel attracted to anyone in any different orientation. Querplatonic? Nope! I don't like that either. Like, is this normal? Am I just mentally unwell or something? Where are my people???

[daintyduck99]

Hey love, for the writer ask game: 💭, 💻, 😏

Hello again love! 🥰❤🥰

💭- any ideas for a possible wip?

An idea that I haven't really mentioned yet or technically started 🤔 I've been toying with the idea of writing a longer fic based on the Rulie Cowboy ficlet, although at the moment it would just be smut (I'm still tempted to write it though I feel like it has the potential to be more)

💻- three works of yours that are must reads

This was such a hard question (when did I write 27 things for jatp alone!?!), but I think I finally narrowed it down to It Was Only A Pick, The Reckless Songbird, and Backpack Cuddles.

IWOAP is one of my favorite of my Peterpatter fics, and it has a sprinkle of angst in all of the fluff and the metaphors (and a song that the lovely @psyduckappears wrote a melody and a piano line for ❤).

Reckless Songbird is heavily inspired by my own experiences with dropping everything to write poetry (with bonus flustered Alex and Reggie because it's Polyphantoms).

Backpack Cuddles is a ficlet that I love because it encapsulates my love of writing short fluff pieces (specifically Rulie fluff) and I'm really happy with how the QPR aspect turned out! Also cuddles 🥰 Need I say more lol

😏- your most risky line

You know I had to go with something from I Wanna See And Stop Thinking because there were a lot of risqué lines in that one:

“You’d like to be in Luke’s position, too, wouldn’t you, corazón? You want him to fuck you while I put your pretty mouth to work? Or maybe,” Julie purrs, leaning forward so her lips brush against Reggie’s, “you want me to fuck you while you choke on Luke’s cock.”

[aromagni]

My Experiences Feeling Demiplatonic (Carnival of Aros, December 2019, Part 1)

(The majority of this is about my experiences with demiplatonic, which is only kinda tangentially related to this month’s prompt, but I was wanting to write about it anyways and there is some overlap; I’m made another post (Part 2) with something I wrote more directly responding to the prompt.)

My perception of the concept of “love” is influenced by many aspects of my identity, including not only my aromanticism but also my neurodivergency and my relation to the aplatonic-spectrum, specifically the term demiplatonic.  I dislike “love” and the societal expectation of it as a universal human experience even outside of its ties to romance, because non-romantic relationships are not universal either.  There’s this narrative that people can only find happiness through love and I find this harmful.  There shouldn’t be a societal expectation for any type of love or relationships, because not everyone feels or wants these things.

When I was younger, I wanted to have friends in general but I never really wanted to be friends with people specifically.  I didn’t like being alone so I would alternate between trying and failing to socialize with people before retreating to read my books, or on rare occasions would find someone who had a common interest and would tolerate me so I would latch onto them as a “friend”.  In middle school, I kept a running tally of how many people I could consider “friends” along with mentally ranking them in tiers…..after my brother mocked me for not being able to name 5 friends.  Making friends never came naturally to me.

In high school, I’d managed to acquire a group of friends…..who would at least spend time with me if brought in proximity by other things, though we rarely made actual plans to hang out.  In sophomore year, I figured out that I am aroace and first became exposed to much terminology, including aplatonic.  I was rarely in convenient proximity with my friend group and thus I felt alone…. so I spent a lot of time overthinking friendships.  

At one point I realized that I did not feel comfortable receiving affection such as hugs from most people, including people I considered friends but was less close with.  In comparison, I felt comfortable receiving hugs from 1-2 of my closest friends.  Since I was only comfortable doing platonic affection things with people I felt a strong emotional connection with, that was when I initially resonated with the term demiplatonic.  That perhaps wasn’t a great reasoning and showed poor understanding of the term, but feelings are confusing and actions are easier.  Similarly, around that time what first helped me conclude that I was aro is that I didn’t find the idea of doing “romantic” things like kissing appealing.  Naturally, my understanding of terms has grown with time.

***

In college, I experienced what I would consider my first proper squish on a friend I felt close to.  I considered this attraction to be a mix of queerplatonic, platonic, alterous, and sensual attractions, though referring to it as platonic/a squish was simplest.  I wanted to spend a lot of time with this person and also I wanted to be affectionate with them (Hugging/cuddling).  This was a notably different feeling than what I felt towards other friends, whom I enjoyed spending time with because I like having friends but I didn’t seek to spend time with them specifically.  Thus, I felt more strongly that the label demiplatonic was applicable to me.  With the mix of attractions, perhaps demi-queerplatonic or demi-sensual was technically more accurate, or aplatonic and demi-queerplatonic, but demiplatonic was easiest.  So I considered myself demiplatonic and thus apl-spec, while also wanting a queerplatonic relationship and not considering myself nonamorous. ***

Making friends never came naturally to me, and maintaining friendships even less so.  It seems like when I do have strong feelings for someone then it’s emotionally volatile and inevitably collapses…...whereas if I don’t feel as strongly about them and mainly appreciate their presence as my friend then it’s more stable, though often times that dissipates as they don’t prioritize me enough to ever have time for me.  As always, once no longer brought into convenient proximity by outside forces, we drift apart despite my efforts to prevent it.  

I increasingly feel like I am inherently bad at friendships, especially now as I look around and find I have few to no actual friends.  It’s been about a year now since I lost most all my social connections from two back-to-back incidences around winter break.  Nothing particularly dramatic or objectively bad happened…..and yet I feel almost traumatized by past relationships and the overwhelmingly negative emotions built on top of it by many smaller things over time.  I used to seek affection and platonic partnership, but now I’m inclined to be non-partnering and am more touch repulsed than ever before.  I try to seek out at least casual socialization because I know feeling socially isolated is bad for me, but I feel like I’m bad at socializing at all.

I am neurodivergent, which definitely contributes to my difficulties with social stuff.  I know I have ADHD, and I feel that the RSD and emotional dysregulation which comes with it has contributed greatly to the extent to which I feel negatively affected by past friendships.  I increasingly ponder whether I am also autistic, because while there is overlap with ADHD, I don’t think it alone explains my inherent difficulties with socializing.  I think I used to be better at socializing somewhat “normally”, but at some point I became comfortable enough with existing friendships that I forgot how to filter myself when interacting with people and now that they’re gone, making friends is even harder than ever before; so I feel anxious that everyone just finds me annoying ... while not being confident in my ability to interpret social cues to determine whether or not that anxiety is justified.

I now relate more to the original context of aplatonic, with difficulties making friends being associated with trauma or neurodivergency.  I seek friendships to combat loneliness, but I doubt my own capacity of emotions for people and feel guilty that I’m being selfish and don’t care the way I think I’m supposed to.  I identify more closely with the term aplatonic and apl-spec as a whole, though I know I feel demi-something so demiplatonic still feels accurate to use.  I don’t consider myself nonamorous, because I find it hard to be content or fulfilled without strong emotionally intimate relationships of some sort.  I do consider myself non-partnering, at least for now, because the idea of a QPR feels ruined to me now and seeking partnership of any sort hurts too much to be desirable.  People tend to conflate these terms, aplatonic, nonamorous, and non-partnering, as if they are approximately the same, but they feel different to me and each are useful.  I also think that while it is important to acknowledge the context of aplatonic as being based in neurodivergent aros and trauma, I think trying to isolate it to a single definition or context of acceptable use is not ideal as it can be a very useful and dynamic term.  Feelings are confusing, and relationships even moreso, so sometimes it’s not easy to separate out emotions that are platonic or queerplatonic and which are or are not felt.  

I consider myself demiplatonic; the experiences, reasons, and definitions with which I identify with it have changed over time, but the descriptor remains the same and continues to be useful to me.

[torentialtribute]

Emiliano Sala was the pawn in a sordid transfer that shames football

A text message listing Emiliano Sala and several other players for hire Premier League club's technical director just before Christmas .

The January transfer window was approaching, clubs were getting desperate, and Willie McKay was busy touting his wares.

On his menu of France -based offerings were Adrien Tameze , Nice's Cameroon midfielder, and Maxwell Cornet, the Ivorian forward at Lyon, as well as Sala – who Cardiff City imagined might be theirs by then.

     Tributes have been pouring in for Emiliano Sala, whose plane is missing on the Channel

     Cardiff City players trained before their match against Bournemouth in Emiliano Sala clothes

                   There were some deft touches in the McKay text, designed to protect against it being ignored. Watford were already trying to buy Tameze, he mentioned in passing. As things turned out, that player stayed well. So did Cornet

The recipient – whose club is in the bottom of the table – replied with his standard response, asking McKay to put his information on email, though he was not interested.

'Sala was being pumped around to all of us,' he says. 'We had the same scouting reports on him that most clubs would have, based on matches going back to 2017. They were good but he was not near the top of our list.'

The club in question still being found publicly linked to Sala. It was McKay in full flow. The 59-year-old's modus operandi was laid bare last week, when he surprisingly showed up that he had sent to Sala, revealing that he had deliberately spread misinformation about West Ham and Everton up interest.

'We have talked to all the clubs, including Manchester, Chelsea, Liverpool. We think you could end up in such clubs, 'he told the player. Not true. 'We make transfers! … Didier Drogba,' he wrote. Not true. "Keep me away from this groin," Drogba promptly retorted.

     Willie McKay revealed details on a sales pitch made during the Emiliano Sala deal to Cardiff

     After scoring Cardiff's first goal of the match, Bobby Reid ran to display one of the Sala shirts

Few transfer market brokers are as relentless as McKay, Harry Redknapp's one -time go-to man. "He's like a dog with a bone," says one technical director.

Another source involved in the acquisition of several Premier League clubs from receiving calls from McKay but becoming mildly irritated. one-time Monaco home when making them

Some can not live with him, yet most clubs can not live without him, either because they are pathologically incapable or putting adequate systems in place to acquire players intelligently, or because they simply need to be copious contacts to get them out of a fix.

Sources in France still at £ 70,000 a week Joey Barton was banned for 12 matches and not cooperating at QPR, McKay worked his way to Marseille in 2012.

There was something especially noxious about the Sala sale, though, and not because of the way this narrative would unfold. Where the Argentinian was concerned, even though no footballing rules appear to have been broken, everyone wanted a slice of the pie.

The Nantes owner, Waldemar Kita, most of all. His club were rooted in the bottom half of France's Ligue 1 as usual and he was in a hurry to cash in on a player who was scoring goals and out of contract in 18 months. Kita gift the McKays' company the mandate to find a buyer, in return for 10 per cent or the fee.

The player's agent Meissa N'Diaye would also be getting a slice. NDiaye already had a player at Cardiff – Sol Bamba – yet somehow McKay still got in on things. N'Diaye insists that, as Sala's long-term agent, he had to become involved in protecting the Argentine's interests when Nantes' desire to sell him to Cardiff became clear. He says he had no involvement with the other four agents surrounding the deal and had tried at all times to find the right move for the player. He had rejected a lucrative potential move to China for that reason.

Another agent, Babe Drame, who declared on Instagram that he and McKay's son Mark had done the deal when Sala eventually joined Cardiff, capitalized too. (McKay jnr is the registered agent because McKay is not installed on the exams by UEFA.)

     Nantes owner, Waldemar Kita, was in a hurry to cash in on a player who was scoring goals

     Both Cardiff City and Bournemouth's players and fans observed a moment of reflection

Bakary Sanogo, who is close to Kita and agent to Tottenham's Moussa Sissoko among others. deal, for reasons which remain unclear.

The player in question had no idea that such a strong and complex sales effort was going to shift. that he did not initially because to leave Nantes for Cardiff at all.

Sala had become intimately bound up in French life and his football since leaving his home in Argentina, aged 15, for a development academy with links to Bordeaux . He was struggled to make his way in France, though Nantes was where he began to establish a sense of self.

He loved Carquefou, the town north-east of Nantes which he made home. His friends spent last week told ESPN how he could watch his Labrador rescue dog, Nala, off the farm house behind his house. How to get there and the streams running off the Erdre river, where visitors could fish for pike.

The local barber Jean-Philippe Roussel, whom he visited for a cut every third week, became a friend, […]

it was up at Nantes' Stade de la Beaujoire that his modestly developing confidence was best witnessed. When he arrived at the club from Bordeaux, in July 2015, he was quiet and self-effacing with very good French, though by last season he was confident enough to be at pre-match press conferences. manager.

     A picture of the type of plane that was supposed to deliver Emiliano Sala to Cardiff safely

     Even the Cardiff City mascot was on hand to show its respects, as fans applauded the player

He did not like the one-on-one interviews – did not feel he had enough to say – though he was very often French journalists asked for. They smiled at the Spanish mannerisms in his French, spoken with a slight Spanish accent. 'Tranquille' always came out as 'tranquillo.'

There was an old-world charm about these encounters. It was always his report to greeters when he arrived and left – 'Bonjour tout le monde!'; 'Salut les mecs!' The fans loved it.

The fans loved Sala for the honesty of his endeavor. He was no world-beater and would never be a Manchester City or Liverpool player as McKay had promised. His first touch could be awkward and his running style rather inelegant, with his head deep into his shoulders as he went. He was tall and thin at first, but he did develop.

However he had an intuitive talent for scoring goals. The supporters knew that he only needed one or two chances to deliver one, with his particular penchant for fearlessly trying to score with his head. Their song about him encapsulated the work ethic. 'Emiliano Sala, c'est un Argentin qui ne lâche rien, Emiliano Sala, Emiliano Sala, Emiliano Sala.' ('Emilano Sala, the Argentine who never gives up.')

His self-effacement did not prevent him feeling that, at 28, time would soon be running out of him achieving his ultimate goal of playing in European club competition.

The chance to arrive last summer, when Turkish side Galatsaray, who had qualified for the Champions League, made a move. Kita refused to countenance discussions with the Istanbul team, who were proposing a loan with an option to buy

     Emiliano Sala has become the tragic pawn in a sordid transfer trail that shames football

     Bournemouth captain Andrew Surman walking on the pitch with flowers in memory of Sala

Sala was disappointed, although Kita did not spare his sensitivities. 'We always wanted to keep him,' the president remarked. 'Unfortunately, there are people around him who do not always advise him very well. It would be nice if he listened to us a little. We do not want to hurt him. We want to value him. "

He did so, in more ways than one. On November 21, the McKays were basically mandated to find a buyer for Sala, who had put the summer disappointment behind him and promptly scored 12 goals in 15 games, a tally matched by France's World Cup winner Kylian Mbappe at PSG.

Sala seemed to accept that he would reach the big stage through a Premier League club who would pay Nantes handsomely and perhaps stepping stone. Just when he returned to say his goodbyes to friends in Carquefou having joined Cardiff, hey the sense that it was not completely sure he wanted to leave France. 'Football is a business', he is told one. He mentioned that one of his first games would be against Arsenal.

McKay and his family suddenly loomed large in his world. Ten days after the email, Sala was in Cardiff, signing the three-and-a-half year contract that would see his salary rise from £ 50,000 (about £ 44,000) a month in Nantes to £ 50,000-a-week. But although many people became instantly new, neither were Sala's new club nor his previous one more than welcome to many more miles to the fateful weekend of January 19/20 as straight forward as it might have been.

     Cardiff City manager Neil Warnock looks down as he remembers his latest signing, Sala

He was desperate to say his goodbyes properly in Carquefou, with a little more than 48 hours at his disposal to do so, badly needed a personal jet to get him to Nantes and back to Welsh capital.

In his sales pitch email to Sala, McKay senior had promised that Cardiff were ready to 'put a jet at your disposal tonight or tomorrow you will pick up, you and anyone else want to bring. ' Yet once signed, Sala was told that the club were offering a commercial flight back to Nantes. He felt that half a day's way that he would leave him in the place where he'd come to belong.

At 7.45pm on Friday, January 18, he was in limbo in a hotel room, still unsure how to get back. He texted McKay's sons, Jack, a spare striker at Cardiff who moved to non-League Chesterfield, who told him Willie would organize it all. How much it would cost, Sala asked. Nothing, 'if you help me to score goals,' McKay said. 'Hahaha, with pleasure,' Sala messaged. It was, or course, never to be.

McKay hired will begin on Sunday, some very fundamental questions remain unanswered about the aircraft itself. for its maintenance.

Search for answers took The Mail on Sunday of the obscure premises of Southern Aircraft Consultancy (SAC) Inc, a trust company which took over the registration of the aircraft in 2011, from a company called Cool Flourish – who may still be the actual owners. SAC take over the registration of aircrafts for their identity, for security or financial reasons

     Fans laid all kinds of flowers and tributes outside the Cardiff City stage before the match

The company is based in the grounds of Earsham Hall, near the market town of Bungay, 20 miles south or Norwich. There, in a brick outbuilding which also houses a kitchen interiors firm, a bridal-wear business, a fine pine furniture showroom and Earsham Hall's tearooms lies the secret of who has questions to answer. Faith Al-Egaily, one of SAC's co-owners, would reveal nothing.

'They have asked us not to speak to the press,' she said. 'We do not have any comment. We do not have anything to do with the aircraft we have registered it for them. "

The ownership questions will not recede, given that Cardiff City have privately expressed concerns about the way their record was signing flown across the English Channel and have a financial loss of about £ 14million, even after insurance pay-outs. The club is believed to have £ 16m or personal accident protection but the total cost of signing Sala, including agents' fees and bonuses, may come to £ 30m.

Flowers were laid at the Cardiff City Stadium on Saturday for the signing they never got to see, though the game will move on. 'We have to regroup,' manager Neil Warnock said last week. "Once we get out of this weekend we can move on. We have arrived on the board. "

A unmistakable air of desperation haunts the place – and wherever desperation pervades there will be footballers and brokers, preparing their next texted list of available targets.

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