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pixiesfz · 7 days ago

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one door closes d.a x s.r x reader

plot: you were taken straight from nxt to authority and straight to Seth Rollins which Dean Ambrose doesn’t like.

warnings: bad fight writing and it’s just wwe no real life stuff

The Shield was over.

Seth had betrayed both Dean and Roman.

The authority had him in the palm of their hands and he was on cloud 9.

He didn’t need anyone.

At least that was what he thought until Triple H brought you up into the main roster from NXT.

‘The future’ is what Steph and Triple H called you, bringing you up straight into the authority and brought the you and Seth together a special bond forming.

Some say Seth hadn’t cared about anybody that much since the shield.

You and Seth worked together, watching eachother on the sidelines, but Seth was getting cocky

Too cocky.

The camera followed you as you ran for Seth, when spotting him you whacked his free shoulder that didn’t hold his championship.

He turned around holding his shoulder with a small glare “uhm ouch” he seethed and you rolled your eyes

“Why are you trying to take on John Cena, we don’t want that right now!” You scolded him and he shrugged “look I’m obviously going to beat him and win the United States title”

You pointed your brows at him as he faltered in his spot, face turning red “You don’t think I can beat him?” He asked, stepping forward to you but you stood still

“I think you can beat him in time, not right now, we’ve had too much on our plate right now Seth”

Seth didn’t like that answer as he waved his arms around

“But I’m the best in the world” the crowd boo’s

“Okay CM Punk” you rolled your eyes

Seth kissed his teeth “you know what” he waged his finger in the air, anger fuelling off his body.

“You also have the tag team match with you, Kevin Owen’s vs Cessaro who has to still find a partner, you don’t know who the partner is yet!” You whisper yelled, looking around so nobody could hear you

“You need to calm down and humble yourself” You warned him

“Or what?” He dared her, their faces inches apart

Furious, you looked up to him, “Or I’ll be the first one to pull out the chair” she told him, referencing his betrayal to shield, the crowd going crazy with shouts.

Seth’s fist were clenched, lifting them just before she stomped off

“This conversation isn’t done” Seth yelled out to you but you didn’t dare you look back.

You knew you could have taken it a step too far but you were looking out for him, he was just too far up his own ass to realise.

Blinded by anger you didn’t see the body you were about to run into until you hit it hard.

Stumbling back and a hand went out to grab your wrist

“Uh- sorry?”

You looked up from the floor, flipping your hair “watch-“ you stopped when you saw who you bumped into

Dean Ambrose.

The crowd went crazy

He looked you up and down, even tilting his head like a puppy dog

“Can I help you?” You said bitterly as he continued to stare, you creased your brows in confusion of the man.

“Hello?!”

The lunatic fringe jumped out of his daze “what?” He shrugged and you looked at him with wide eyes “you were staring at me!”

“Ohh yeah” he hummed “I was trying to figure out how I know you but I realised…. You’re Seth’s new trophy” he nodded

“Excuse me! I am not a trophy”

Dean snorted “sorry, I’ll correct myself, you’re his little helper”

“I am not his little helper!”

He gave you a pointed look “have you not helped him since you came up from NXT?”

You opened your mouth to reply but nothing came out.

“I couldn’t help but seem to notice that since he’s in so much need of you, you haven’t been in many matches” he played with his bandages on his hand and your face went red.

You hadn’t thought about that, but he wasn’t lying.

“Shut up Ambrose” you grunted and he looked up “You know my name?” he smirked

You grunted, looking away from him “course I know your name, shield and all” you reminded him and he rolled his eyes

“Yeah you’re boyfriend say anything else about me?”

“He is not my boyfriend”

Dean smirked “so you’re single?”

You scoffed “in your dreams”

“Well yeah” he shrugged and the audience laughed as you span your head towards him.

“What? My mother told me never to lie”

You chuckled at the man’s words “Seth was right about one thing, you are unpredictable”

“Speaking of Seth don’t you have to go help him” he teased, annoyed that the ‘architect’ had been brought up “kinda, have to figure out who Cessaro has picked for the tag team against him and Owen’s”

“Cessaro needs a tag partner?” Dean asked and began to look off as he was thinking, you thought nothing of it

“I just said that-“

“I have to go” Dean suddenly said before running off

“He is weird” you mumbled before the promo went off.

You walked in behind Seth’s he entered the ring, waiting for him to pass you his championship belt as you swing it over your shoulder, turning around to wave at the crowd which was mixed with cheers and boo’s.

Kevin was already in the ring, fist pumping Seth and sending a salute to you, making the audience laugh.

Cessaro’s music hits and you roll your eyes and turn to the fans who are begging for pictures.

You shrug your shoulders “sure!”

Michael Coles laugh is obnoxiously loud “look she’s taking pictures”

“Well we did see her and Seth in a squabble”

“Trouble in paradise Cole?”

“I don’t think there was ever a paradise JBL”.

You smiled in the pictures until Cessaros partners music drops and you straightened up with a scowl on your face.

“And his tag team partner: Dean Ambrose!” Lillian announced and Seth looked down at you as you glared at Dean, the ex shield member sending you a wink.

You fucked up.

The whole match you spent on your toes, watching over as finishers were thrown left right and centre and each team kicked out.

“You’ve got this” you yelled out to Seth who was on the floor but Dean walked over looking at you with a smile before picking Seth up “thanks” he said with a thumbs up before hitting Seth with the dirty deeds, flipping him over and allowing Cessaro to take the pin.

Cessaros music hits and Dean and Seth both look down at you from the ring.

You look at Seth with worried eyes until you heard the screech of the microphone and the heavy breaths of a certain lunatic.

You picked Seth up from the floor giving him his championship belt as he held onto your waist for stability.

“Hey, hey” he started, pointing towards you as Seth tightened his grip

“Thanks for telling me about the match” he smiled and Seth let go of you “what” he muttered, feeling betrayed

You ducked in a breath “I didn’t mean to” you told the long haired wrestler “It just came up-“

“I’m sorry I didn’t know you two were on speaking terms”

Dean coughed into the mic “and to properly thankyou, I talked to the man upstairs and I got you a match next week!” He smirked as the crowd cheered

Seth went to run up back to the belt but you held him back, eyes locked on Dean “what!” He yelled back at you and you let him go.

“I uh- I” you started looking between the two before looking back at the crowd

“bye” you said quickly before jumping over the barrier and running into the crowd.

Dean laughed into the mic

“She learnt that from you”.

The next time you saw Seth was when the authority called in a meeting, walking in you were met with Seth, triple H and Stephanie all looking at you.

“I think we need to discuss your match coming up”

“She shouldn’t be doing it” Seth stood up and you swung your head towards him “sorry?”

“I don’t trust Ambrose”

“It’s not like I’m fighting him-“

“She’s doing the match, it’s a title match, did he tell you that” Triple H smiled and so did you which seemed to piss of Seth even more

“No I said no.” He stood up

“Excuse me, you don’t get to make those decisions for me” you pointed at him

“Well this time I am”

“Why?”

“Because-“

“I don’t care what your reason is it was a rhetorical question!” You snapped “I don’t care if you still have a grudge on Ambrose atleast he got me a match, which is more than you’ve ever done!”

The room went quiet, Stephanie taking a sip out of her mug.

“Well then” triple H grumbled “good luck on your match” you smiled, but it wasn’t full “thankyou”.

You turned your attention to Seth seeing if he had anything to say

“I’m not walking you down the ring” he told you, looking out the window “right” you twisted your lips

“Then I guess you don’t need to be here then”

He cleared his throat “guess your right” he then stood up, grabbing his belt and walked out the door, slamming it after him.

“Don’t worry about him” Stephanie waved it off “he’s just jealous”

“He shouldn’t be” you said sternly and she just tutted her lips as Triole H smirked at his papers.

“Alright let’s talk Nikki Bella”.

All ready to go home you had your hair in a messy pony tail and a t shirt that you were regretting bringing as the air was cold.

“You seem a bit chilly” a gruffly voice said behind you as Dean Ambrose appeared with his bag.

You stuttered with your words, not actually knowing what to say “uhm- uh- yeah I am, regretting the choice, I guess it was hotter when I packed”

“Yeah” he agreed before immediately taking off his jumper “here take this” he held it out for you and you crossed your head “no it’s yours” “just take it” he smiled and you grabbed on to it “better not smell”

He shrugged “maybe”

You put the jumper on and smiled at him “I just wanted to say thankyou for the match, triple H just told me it was for a title so thankyou extra for that”

“Well you were my favourite diva in the whole of WWE”

“was?” You asked

“Yeah well you were until you were kidnapped by Rollins”

You face faltered at the mention of him but you shook it off “just still thankyou, you didn’t have to do that, because I didn’t actually mean to tell you about the match”

“Am I sensing a friendship between us” he joked and you scoffed “no way”

He scoffed back “uhm yes we are, I got you a title match!”

You look back up “How bout I think about it?”

“I’ll take it”

You rolled your eyes playfully before he walked past you with a smirk, the crowd stars to cheer but begin to scream when a longer haired wrestler walked into view.

“Look-“ Seth started but you shooshed him

“No- not right now Seth” you said before storming off

What you didn’t see was the DA look go on the back of the jumper that Seth was seething at as he watched you leave.

You warmed up in the hallway, getting ready for your match until AJ Lee, your usual tag team partner ran up to you “you ready?” She asked, all giddy “yeah, yeah I am actually”

“Is Seth coming?” She asked, looking around for him and you clenched your teeth “no he’s not” “why not you always walk out with him”

“Yeah I don’t think I’m doing that anymore”

The glare on your face made AJ not question anymore as she patted you on the back for good luck and walked off.

You smiled as your music hit and you walked out alone, the crowd cheering for your in ring return as Nicki Bella glared down at you.

You just waved as you then pointed at the Divas title around her waist and then pointing at yours “mine!” You yell.

JBL hummed into his microphone “as we can see no Seth Rollins behind her to support” he said “of course he isn’t he only cares about himself he has made that very clear”

When the bell rang you spent no time wasting, hitting the champion with a super kick to the chest.

It was about 5 minutes into the match you held the Bella girl with a submission hold, she was about to tap until Seth’s music hit, distracting you for a second allowing Nicki to get out of the hold and try to pin you over which you kicked out of at two.

You rolled out the ring on the other side of Seth who was going through the bottom of the ring until he held out a chair.

You jumped back into the ring as The ref hadn’t been looking as it looked like Seth was about to pass you the chair

You stepped forward as he was looking at you but last second threw the chair to Nicki.

He watched as your face turned into betrayal but quickly washed away as Nikki smashed you with the metal chair.

Doubling over in pain she repeatedly hit you until throwing it away as Seth stopped distracting the ref.

He wanted you to lose.

That’s when Deans music hit.

Your head picked up with a smile as you jumped back onto Nikki,

Pulling at her hair before pulling her back into the submission.

You took this time to look on the side line and to see Dean going at Seth.

The crowd was blazing and before you know it the bell rang.

Nikki tapped out.

You were Divas champion.

You couldn’t believe it.

Dean rolled into the ring next to you whilst the ref passed you the Divas belt.

Dean grabbed your hand and lifted it up

“Let’s go!” He yelled and you tried to stop the tears from falling down your cheeks.

Seth stood up from the floor and backed away from the ring before running back into the gorilla.

When one door closes.

You looked up to Dean.

Another one opens.

#wwe #shield wwe #wwe imagine #wwe raw #wwe smut #wwe fanfiction #wwe smackdown #wwe royal rumble #wweedit #wwe nxt #wwe survivor series #wwe gifs #dean ambrose imagine #dean ambrose #seth rollins #seth rollins imagine

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queeniecook · 2 months ago

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February 27 - Part 2

With everything going on with Ellie, I guess it didn't fully register in my brain where the baby shower was being held until I was driving down a street I used to know very well.

The house has changed a bit from when I owned it but I still had that brief feeling of home hit me as well as the many memories I made inside those walls. My life has changed so much since I moved from Brindleton Bay but my time in that town is part of who I am.

"Kind of weird being back in this house again, huh?" Aubree asked me. I nodded my head. She had stayed with me on several occasions and August had proposed marriage to her in my living room.

"Yeah...it's a weird feeling. It's different from when I go back to Sulani because Apollo still lives there, so it still feels like mine in a way." I explained. He still has a room for me there after all.

But today was not about me or my trip down memory lane. It's about Jillian and Slade, who was sleeping away upstairs. Jillian looked happy today and I'm happy for her, especially after the scary situation she went through to give birth to Slade.

Rahmi came with me from Henford-on-Bagley - we took turns driving. Turns out Andrew knows Rashidah, so Rahmi took the opportunity to talk with him and get to know him a little. He seems like a good young man...even if he did hit me on the first time I met him.

"This smells amazing, Mrs. Ambrose." Rahmi commented before sitting down with her plate.

"Oh please, call me Denise. I've never been much for formal titles." Denise said with a smile.

I especially enjoyed the cake and asked Denise for the recipe.

"ANDREW!" Jillian exclaimed, making a face before throwing the box on the ground. A pair of dingy granny panties fell out of the box. "These gifts are supposed to be for your nephew!"

Andrew laughed so hard in his chair, I thought he was going to fall out of it.

"Andrew...that wasn't nice to prank your sister." Denise scolded him while hiding a small smirk behind her glass of wine.

"You're pretty. I like your hair." Andrew told Aubree.

"Thank you." She said with a smile before flashing her wedding ring at him.

Andrew shrugged "I still stand by my statement."

<-previous/next->

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wwereaderinserts · 7 months ago

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hi i love your work so so much! i was hoping to request a fic for dean x reader, where after a much-needed breakup, the two reunite perhaps a year later after spotting eachother across the venue of a ppv. they have a heart to heart and admit how much they miss one another and they get back together?? big emphasis on the eye contact where dean can’t look away from reader and she get shy and he follows her out the arena etc etc. thank u!!!!!

Thank you so much, hope you enjoy!!

Title: Miss You Much Pairing: Dean Ambrose x Reader Word Count: 1,093

At first, you’re sure your eyes are deceiving you from where you stand backstage, but after a double, maybe even a triple take, it’s evident that who and what you’re seeing is very real. Dean, your ex, stands just opposite you in the backstage corridor where you’re also waiting for your friend to return from the bathroom, and you already feel the butterflies beginning to flutter their wings in your stomach while a flush begins to creep its way up your neck.

It’s been a whole year since Dean ended things with you, and while time has truly been the best healer for you, it’s as though a wave of feelings you thought you’d repressed and buried come flooding right back to you when his eyes eventually meet yours from across the way backstage.

You can pinpoint the exact moment that the shock and awe sets in for Dean just as much as it had for you in the first place. He stands frozen in place at first while he allows reality the chance to sink in, and even though he’s inwardly screaming at himself to tear his eyes away from you, he can’t.

Hesitantly, Dean gives you a small wave before he begins to stride his way across to you like you’re magnetic to him, and he’s still clad in his gear from his match earlier tonight. Panic hits you like a freight train, and you know you have nowhere to go, so instead you brace yourself for an interaction you couldn’t have predicted would be happening right now.

“Hey,” he leads, sounding somewhat awkward and out of his comfort zone, “I, uh…I thought it was you, but I figured I’d come take a closer look just in case my eyes were playing tricks on me.”

The cheeky, subtle grin on his face earns a brief huff of a chuckle from you, and your eyes lock with his once more for a few seconds until you avert them again.

“Funny, I really did think mine were doing just that when I saw you,” your voice trembles slightly, but you recover quickly by clearing your throat and swallowing your nerves down, “Though I don’t really know why I’m so surprised. You were on the card for tonight, so…”

You trail off with a shrug, still unable to bring yourself to truly look at him again. You keep your arms crossed, hugging yourself for comfort while you fight to stop yourself from being overwhelmed by an onslaught of emotions in the moment.

“I…I should find my friend, anyway. Nice seeing you.”

You feed him a weak excuse of a get out of jail card, succumb to the feeling, not even giving Dean a second to reply before you turn in the opposite direction, desperate to leave. You hastily pace the corridor in search of the exit, and as soon as you find it, you practically burst through the doors and deeply inhale the fresh air before you sit down on a nearby curb.

You continue to take deep breaths in a feeble attempt to calm yourself down, remaining under the illusion that you’re completely alone now. Unbeknownst to you, Dean lingers near the door but keeps his distance, not wanting to startle you at first, instead waiting until you look up and catch sight of him.

“Look, I…I get it, I’m probably the last person you wanna see or speak to. But can you hear me out?”

Dean asks, and he doesn’t take a step closer until you agree to hear him out, albeit tentatively. You rest your elbows against your thighs where you sit, rubbing your hands over your face while Dean joins you in sitting on the curb.

“You should’ve just let me go. I didn’t know you were gonna follow me out here.”

“Yeah, well even I didn’t know I was gonna follow you, (Y/N). My feet kinda just carried me before I even knew what I was doing.”

He replies, and he falls silent for a moment while he mulls over his words.

“...I wanted to text you. Call you and tell you all this instead. I just never could bring myself to do it. And now that you’re here, I need you to listen to me.” he sighs before he continues, “I know I hurt you, (Y/N). And I’ve been kicking myself for it for the longest time. I hate that I did that to you, but I thought calling things off was the right thing to do at the time. But the more I thought about it, I…”

Dean pauses, if only to lock eyes with you, no sign of even wanting to look away from you. His expression turns soft, solemn, and you can see the sincerity in his eyes as he speaks and hear the integrity in his every word. You feel yourself melt under his gaze, his words stoking a fire in you as you long for him to say exactly what you’ve been wanting him to say.

“I’m not over you. I miss you. Ending things with you was one of the worst decisions I could’ve made. And I know I probably don’t deserve it, but if you’d have me, I’d really want to give things another shot with you. I don’t want to be without you.”

Your jaw hangs slack while his words sink in, and the butterflies that were initially in your stomach upon seeing him are now running rampant upon hearing the exact words you’ve been holding out on for the past year.

“You hurt me, Dean. Really hurt me.” you begin bluntly, any initial shyness now subsiding, “But…what we had was special. And you can probably already guess, but I’m not over you, either. And I miss you, too. And part of me has always been hoping this would happen at some point down the line.”

A flicker of a smile plays on your lips, and once Dean catches a glimpse of it, he begins to mirror you.

“Then what are we doing? I’m not saying we jump in head first or anything like that and pick up exactly where we left off, but why don’t we take it slow, give this another shot?”

Dean asks, a glimmer of hope in his eyes while he waits on your make or break answer.

“You have some serious making up to do for everything, but…yeah, Dean.” you agree with him, a soft smile on your lips, “We’ll take it slow, try again. I don’t want to be without you, either.”

#dean ambrose x reader #wwe fic #wwe oneshot #wwe imagine #deanxreader

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whumpyfungus · 8 months ago

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Hello

This is the first post I’ve ever made of this blog. I’m hoping to start posting my original whump writing soon and I thought I’d start with an introduction and summary.

I don’t have a title for the story yet, but the main characters names are Ambrose, Elle, and Moira. The plot of the story cribs shamelessly from @oddsconvert’s A Taste of Your Own Medicine with the whumper to co-whumpee transformation but very different personalities for both whumpees and a different dynamic between them.

Ambrose is a moderately successful con man and card sharp who spends his evenings cultivating “friendships” with the rich and gullible before fleecing them in poker games. He’s careful never to take enough from any individual to raise red flags but, when he’s invited to Moira Blackstone’s (of Blackstone Private Security) private high stakes poker game he can’t resist the chance to win big.

It may surprise none of you to learn that he does not win big. Instead he finds himself deep in debt to a woman who knows exactly what he is and has been playing him like a tin whistle since he met her. She offers him a choice between losing everything he owns and also probably some of his less essential organs to pay her back- or he can help her with a ‘tricky acquisition’ . Just one little favor and he walks away with his debt cleared and a hefty bonus on top. He just need to find someone roughly meeting Moira’s preferences as to appearance, kidnap them, break them to a reasonable standard of behavior, and make the hand off to Moira in six months. Easy, right?

Elle is a tall, strong butch with blue eyes, brown hair, and no tattoos or piercings who works as a security guard at a shopping complex and is usually very good at reading people. Usually. After a relationship ending fight with her (ex) girlfriend leads to her getting maudlin drunk at a random dive bar her defenses are down enough that, when a handsome(ish) stranger with braids and glasses offers to buy her a drink she accepts. Then she wakes up in his (heavily soundproofed) basement. Actually she wakes up in his car’s backseat because he fucked up the dosage, he re-sedates her, and then she wakes up in his basement.

I’m hoping that the story will have three main arcs- Ambrose holding Elle captive (neither of them has a good time), Moira holds them both captive (Elle has a Bad time, Ambrose has a Worse time, Moira is having a great time), and the Aftermath.

I honestly don’t know what sort of schedule I’ll be doing this on. I might just take a bit to rant about my characters for awhile before even putting up story bits. It depends. Either way, this is going to be the first bit of writing I’ve posted on tumblr and I’m looking forward to doing my best to make you all as unhealthy about these guys as I am.

#whump #whumper turned whumpee #whump writing #whumplr #whump blog #reluctant whumper

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wrestlersownmyheart · 10 months ago

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Closer Than You Think Prologue/Chapter 1 (Dean Ambrose X OC)

Keep in mind with this story that it's a bit of a reimagining, sort of a "what if" scenario if you will. What I mean is... the Shield never broke up nor did Dean evolve into Moxley and join AEW. In my perfect world he stayed with Seth and Roman.

With that being said, I give you Closer Than You Think!

Title: Closer Than You Think Pairing: Dean Ambrose X OC: Shannon Brock Summary: When a serial killer claims a number of victims including NXT wrestler, Shannon Brock's cousin, she vows to find the killer after she is bumped to RAW from NXT. Her cousin's lover, AJ Styles, appoints himself and the Shield—Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns—as her bodyguards.

Dean takes the task very seriously and doesn't let Shannon out of his sight, despite the game of cat and mouse they play with the killer. Can he keep her safe, or will the killer claim his ultimate victim?

Disclaimers: I own nothing or anyone associated or affiliated with WWE. I own only the original characters. This is just a fictional story that came from my imagination. Content/Trigger Warnings: Extreme Violence against women; murder

Prologue/Chapter 1

Evil Is Born…

"When this monster entered my brain, I will never know, but it is here to stay. How does one cure himself? I can't stop it, the monster goes on, and hurts me as well as society…"

~Dennis Rader (BTK Killer)~

Being born was the biggest mistake I ever made.

I learned very soon in life that my mother never really wanted me. She reminded me all the time how she wanted a little girl but was instead stuck with a boy.

Things got worse when she left my dad. He took everything out on me. He was drunk every day of his life. And I was beaten every day of mine.

By the time I hit my teen years, I was completely filled with rage. I didn't know how to deal with it, so I did what many people in my situation end up doing. I would pick fights at school and bullied younger, smaller kids. This would result in my getting sent to the principal's office many times over. This brought about more beatings, of course. And I would grow even angrier. But there wasn't much I could do about it, except to bully some more. It was a vicious circle.

My dad died in a drunken car accident soon after I turned eighteen. I was finally free.

But not for very long.

After my dad was killed, I was glad to live on my own. Omaha suddenly became more peaceful to me. Quiet. I could do as I pleased. However, I only had about two years of freedom before sheer hell came on me slow and easy.

I met the woman I would marry. Her name was Debra. I met her one evening at the bowling alley where I worked. I can't believe how quickly I fell for her. She was beautiful. She had long, dark hair. Her ivory complexion accentuated her big, pale blue eyes. She was slender, but had curves in all the right places. She was the most sweet, and loving girl I'd ever met.

Debra just seemed like a dream. I thought I'd found the one woman who would show me that not all females were like my mother; selfish and manipulative. Instead, I had married a girl who was as manipulative as they come.

Soon after our wedding, her true colors came through. She cheated on me, and wanted to control everything. The money, the house, what cars we bought...everything. She was verbally abusive for the first several years of our marriage. And when she saw she could get away with it, she became physically abusive as well. She started out just slapping me. But then she graduated to punches and throwing hard objects at me. I wanted to hit her. I really did. But I knew I'd end up in jail, because who would believe such a beautiful, angelic-looking woman was abusing me? I wasn't going to end up in prison because of her.

Looking back, I should have just left her. But I didn't. I put up with her for five years. Why? I honestly don't know. I wish I did.

All I do know is I had a new rage building up in me. And I couldn't bully kids to soothe it away anymore. So, I found another way of unleashing my rage. I began preying on stray animals, and lost pets. I would collect them, take them out to the woods behind my house and torture them. It felt good to make something feel the pain and anguish I felt nearly every day of my life. The little creatures had it easy though. Their torture and pain only lasted minutes. I was enduring a lifetime of it. Soon, I ran out of victims. It seemed as though I had cleaned the neighborhood of strays, and caused the owners of their lost, beloved pets to lose hope. I even put the animal patrol officer out of business for the summer.

One night, I'd finally had enough. We were arguing about money, as usual, when she let loose and kicked me in the balls. I fell to the floor gagging in misery. I took the abuse as I always did, but in my head I was already planning.

I was going to kill my wife.

Over the next month, I added enough cash to my secret savings to get fake IDs, a used car under my new name, hair dye, and anything else I needed to make a clean get-away. I just needed to figure out how I would kill her. It had to be flawless.

I went out to the garage to think up the rest of my plan. I knew the time of my retribution was very near, and it seemed to ignite my fury. I was so angry just thinking over my sham of a marriage. I knew I wanted to do the most painful thing I could to Debra.

My eyes fell on some rope and picked it up, planning to tie her up with it. As my hand latched onto it, however, a roll of barbed wire tumbled to the cement, and I froze.

Barbed wire—even better.

I picked the spool up instead and realized then that I would have to work fast in order to tie Debra up. I figured, what with being bigger and stronger than she was, it shouldn't be difficult to accomplish. I smiled when I imagined the look on her face when she saw what I had in store for her. I had just finished polishing up the plans in my mind when I heard Debra's voice behind me.

"Dinner is read—Hey, what are you doing with that barbed—"

SMACK.

I spun around, slapping her right across the mouth. She fell to the concrete almost silently, too stunned to react. She just lay there sobbing quietly and holding her mouth. Then she seemed to get control of her pain and fear, and glared up at me.

"Never thought I'd hit you, huh," I taunted her. I moved fast and had the razor-sharp wire around her wrists in mere seconds. Reaching upward, I grabbed some wire cutters from a worktable, and trimmed it. She whimpered then as I pulled her to her feet, dragging her into the house through the kitchen.

I grabbed a knife off of the tiled counter top. Then I pushed Debra down to the floor. I could see by the trembling of her body, she was too frightened to run.

"Don't speak," I whispered to her. "Or I'll kill you slowly. I never want to hear your obnoxious, evil voice again. Am I clear? Nod if you understand."

A mixture of fire and fury shown in her gray eyes and she glared disdainfully at me. "You're not man enough to kill me," she growled at me as a small stream of blood dribbled out the corner of her mouth. She tried to free herself from the barbed wire, but discovered it was far too painful to struggle with.

"Oh, I am," I smiled at her. "Trust me. And I told you not to speak."

Fear replaced her fury once more as realization crossed her pretty features.

She cowered in the corner, and was unable to force down the sob that erupted from her lips. I stepped over to her and didn't hesitate in slashing up her face. She cried out and put her hands up to protect herself, which didn't stop me. It just angered me even more. I drove the knife right through one of her hands and twisted it. The sound emitting from her was like nothing on this earth. Finally feeling a little bit of relief I grinned.

"That hurts, huh?"

I then slit her throat deliberately slowly with the knife. But before she was able to die, I then, inch by excruciating inch, pressed the knife into her stomach and ripped it upward, savoring the sound of her flesh tearing and her crimson blood splashing onto the floor.

Finally I was free. I could start over.

Quickly, I washed off the knife and took it upstairs with me where my bag had been packed and hidden in the back of the closet. I shoved the murder weapon into the bag to dispose of later. I wanted to get the thing as far from the crime scene as possible.

Changing into a clean pair of jeans and black polo shirt, I tossed my dirty clothes into the bag to discard at another time and place as well. Looking around one last time, I hurried out the back door and headed into the woods. I'd parked my secret car about a mile from the house.

In about twenty minutes I'd be out of here for good. I felt a huge smile spread across my face as I thought of how well my plan had worked so far. I hoped the cops would assume I'd been taken somewhere and killed. Turning into a cold case would be perfect.

When I reached the vehicle, I tossed my bag in the trunk and got in the car. I grabbed the map I'd stashed in the glove compartment and plotted out a route to Albany, New York.

Why Albany?

I'd never been to Albany before. Never mentioned the place in my life. And I needed to be random in choosing my destination just in case the authorities were on my tail. I also planned on being frugal with my funds for a while. If I was discovered, I needed to be prepared. I wanted to be able to get up and leave in a moment's notice if I needed to. But I wasn't complaining. I was finally free. I was going to live life to the fullest.

And I did for a while.

Until my pesky little need to inflict pain on the female population returned, that is.

About a year had passed since I killed my wife. I was beginning to feel angry again—irrationally angry. The wrath I thought I'd finally buried, still consumed me. It had always been there, just under the surface. I needed to find yet another way to deal with it. I wanted to punish my wife all over again. But, of course, I couldn't because she was dead—long dead.

Nonetheless, the idea of retribution soaked up my every thought, and I was desperate to do something about it. I had an epiphany then, it all become so clear in my mind.

What difference did it make if I took my revenge out on my wife, or just women in general? Women were all the same anyway! They all deserved the torture I so utterly wanted to bestow on them.

I came up with a plan one night when I was flipping channels on my television and came across a wrestling program. I watched as two scantily clad women scuffled and frolicked around in the ring, completely for the men's benefit. I was repulsed as their breasts all but fell out of their tops.

And then it hit me—this was it!

I wanted to hurt any promiscuous, strong-willed woman and make them pay, because that's what I hated in my wife. Women had to always rely on a man to take care of them but yet treated them like dirt. They were manipulative horrible creatures, and they had to pay for it.

As I watched the two female wrestlers, I realized they were truly no better than Debra. Or even my mother. Their beauty was only on the outside, and they used their looks ruthlessly. They were doing nothing for society, unlike what I planned to do for the world. I would dedicate my life to ridding the world of their filth.

One whore at a time.

And what better place to start than in the wrestling industry? There were plenty of trashy women to slaughter.

I just had to find my way in...

And I did. I learned everything I could about the wrestling business. Then I entered into a school and learned to wrestle and how to referee. I even covered all my bases and worked with ring crews to set up wrestling rings and stages in arenas.

Thanks to all my training and preparations, I soon met my next victim—a young blond student wrestler. She wanted to sleep with me one night, so I obliged her. Right before I slashed her throat. I discovered sex was another way to dominate women. They had NO control over what I did to them. But I discovered one little problem.

You see, part of me wanted to rid the world of filth—and I still do. But I have to take care of my own needs first.

I find the idea of reenacting the killing of my wife to be very therapeutic. But if I want to feel as though I am indeed killing her again—over and over— I need women who resembles her physically as well as in her actions.

I need dark-haired women.

Blondes and redheads are not going to work.

At least they won't for now. Their time will come though.

I have my eye on the perfect girl right now. She is the spitting image of my burden. But I need to experiment with my craft first.

This is my art.

And art takes practice...

If you want on my tag list, just ask! 🙂

Tagging:

@oreillystolemyheart @lookalivesunshine-x @shortyiceheart @vebner37 @claymorexpunisher

@kalliravenne @swamptrashwithasideofsass @beardedbarba @emisrose @sassymox

@pikapuff-316 @heavymetalgirl420 @bigpsychicbagelauthor @darktammy @waywardwrestlewritingwaif

@sultryfandoms @blondekel77 @demonqueen29 @amariemoore @letsgivethisonemoreshot

@thelastemzy @springgirlwaiting4fall @vampirepixi @wwenhlimagines @louisianalady

@swthrt890 @librathepheonix13 @ironshamelessyouth @moonwolfdemonprincess21 @moxkindagirl

@jstarr86 @oliviasinematic @southerngirl41 @claymoresofinfamy23 @faythewilsonnn

@donttellnoliebabygirl @keisha-knell

#Dean Ambrose #Dean Ambrose Fan Fiction #Dean Ambrose Imagine #Dean Ambrose X OC #Dean Ambrose Fan Fic

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flauros-of-the-fallen · 1 month ago

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◇ Flauros. Though as my job, I use the name of my host, Rodomir Ambrose

◇ Older than any of you silly humans could comprehend.

◇ This body is male, as is how I refer to myself. See to it that you remember.

◇ I will not be confined by your human labels.

◇ I am a mercenary, assasin, hitman. If you require my services, summon me proper, and we can make a deal.

◇ Apathetic, merciless, uncaring, dishonest, amoral, callous, cold, conniving, disloyal

◇ Mun Viri is 21

◇ Blog is 17+

◇ Usual disclaimers here

◇ Mun's other blogs:

@roan-rossignol

@brother-of-a-villain

@fenris-morant

@wren-beowulf

@caspian-vares

@brother-of-a-demigod

Introduction Info

◇ Name: Flauros

◇ Nicknames: Amsel [Blackbird in German] but only one specific person may call him that. Anyone else gets beheaded.

◇ Titles/Aliases: Great Duke of Hell, Rodomir Ambrose.

◇ Age: one of the first demons, very very old.

◇ Gender: Not picky, but goes by he/him for now.

◇ Sexuality: Prefers not to use labels

◇ Job: Hitman/mercenary/assasin

Appearance Info

◇ Hair: black, short but with slightly longer hair in the front, some small parts are a mix of grey and red.

◇ Eyes: Red with black sclera.

◇ Skin: a fair grey-ish colour with darker hands and arms.

◇ Height: 6'6"

◇ Body Type: The kind that you'd expect from a contract killer.

◇ Identifiable features: High cheekbones and incredibly sharp teeth. There's a leopard spot pattern on his upper body and shoulder, going up his neck, a small peek into his true form. Sharp nails, and black wings that fold into his body.

◇ Clothing Style: He likes fine tailored clothes, though while on the job he has his signature scarlet cloak.

Powers Info

Dark Magic

◇ Flauros is capable of using Dark Magics, primarily to curse, but uses them for a multitude of reasons.

Body of Ash and Smoke

◇ Flauros can turn his body into ash and smoke to get in through anywhere... or anyone. Due to him not being able to possess people, this is the next best thing he has to that. Though his ashen body is very hot, so his hosts don't tend to last long.

Hellfire Mastery

◇ Flauros has a mastery over hellfire like no other, and can incinerate with a thought. Something that he often uses on his enemies.

Teleportation

◇ Flauros can teleport over long distaces, especially when being summoned.

Demonic Dealings

◇ Flauros is, of course, a demon. And can make deals with people as one. They get what they want, and in turn, Flauros gains their soul. He usually makes these deals with contract killings, but will sometimes make deals for other things as well.

Holy Relic Info

The three holy Relics that were once used by a past Constantine to trap Flauros to a human body on earth as a punishment.

St. Peter's chains

◇ St. Peter's chains are used to bind Flauros's human body to earth. As long as he has those chains around him, he cannot travel back to hell.

Thorn from the crown of Thorns

◇ The thorn is implanted in his forehead, a binds the Demon Flauros to the human body of Rodomir Ambrose so he cannot possess another body.

Oil from the Holy Ambulla

◇ The oil burns forever I'm his fiery Demonic heart with the memories of the human he possessed, a curse for the moral-less demon to feel these things.

Miscellaneous Info

◇ Rodomir does not often make deals for something other than souls, but the last one he made was with Fenris... who he seems to know very well...

#Spotify

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theitcharchives · 8 months ago

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Looking for test readers

I'm splitting Taste of Copper in two bc agents and publishers don't like lengthy debuts, and I'm not going to try self publishing again unless I have to. Means both parts need to stand on their own, and that means revision.

I'm candidly looking for beta readers willing to read through 88k words and tell me what they think in this context, and general feedback, there's no fixed deadline but please don't just ghost me, only contact me if you're sure you can finish. I need comps too, can't think of anything besides GOTxBRIDGERTON.

I can't afford paid services or swaps at this moment.

Eye-catching details:

low-key fantasy, soft magic systems (aka The Magic Causes The Problems) in medievalesque setting;

queernorm setting (=queerness is normal in the setting);

sun and moon imagery with Sunshine Cheeky Love Interest falls first and Overthinking Yet Oblivious Moonlight Protagonist falls harder;

protagonist is asexual demiromantic, love interest is bisexual and very romantic (and very respectful of boundaries because it's sexy);

sociopolitical intrigue mostly based on the protagonist trying to Bedazzle Bespoke Bewilder his way through reforming society and gathering a pack of troublemakers to help him do so with investigations and trials (it causes more trouble);

festivals, balls, parties, teamaking, card games over tea, strategizing over tea, turning rivals into friends over tea, the usual;

opinionated horses;

equal focus on the pairing and on enacting large scale projects (writer is aroace and a plotter).

I'm especially looking for aspec readers <3

Let me know you're interested with a message on here. I can give you a google docs or a file in an email, just fill out the questionnaire I'll also link/send you.

Current pitch and first chapter (380 words) below cut. Here's a moodboard

Taste of Copper - Pitch

Ambrose Adenhart grew up walking the line between the noble mundanity and the wild mystical woods, ever restless, ever poised. He’d thought his duty in life was to inherit the Northern Doyen title and rule the Clifflands under the guidance of the Golden and Silver Crowns, healing his home after war and plague swept over it thirteen years before, killing his mother and poisoning the waters.

But when King Edric arrives at Orchard Haven telling him he is the one to wear silver, the gentler hand of ruling, Ambrose understands his life will be yet more complicated–even though a treasure of opportunities has been laid at his bare feet, the chance to expand his ideas from the North to the whole Realm of Rysde, and the perfect excuse to explore his own feelings and wants against the steadfast interest of the charming King.

Stepping into the heart of a Realm still pulling itself together, with his heritage casting shadows and secrets over him, Ambrose has to learn to rule the viper’s nest before the attempts to crush him, his ideas and all he holds dear succeed–the number of vipers biting at his heels isn’t what matters, but Ambrose’s own relationship to the poison.

------

1 - The Apricot

Year 321 RU (Rysde United)

Second week of Late Spring

It was a warm late afternoon when Ambrose decided he fancied an apricot and changed the fate of a Realm.

To be fair, the handsome man with long curly hair wasn't supposed to be there, just napping in the Havenswood under Ambrose's favourite apricot tree. Nobody but him, his father and the gardener with her assistants were allowed in the heart of Orchard Haven.

He paused under the arched threshold, leaning against the smooth white stone. The man–certainly younger than his father, though also older than Ambrose, dark skinned and stubbled and entirely too relaxed under his tree–hadn't heard him arrive.

He fidgeted with his hands, pursing his lips and considering going back to the sunny library painted gold in the early sunset.

He could have an apricot later.

Yet, this was his orchard and the man wasn't supposed to be there.

Dark eyes narrowed, he lifted a pale hand to tug at his coppery curls.

He really wanted that apricot.

Ambrose adjusted the collar and hem of his light blue tunic so that it reached his knees, wished he'd put on shoes and breeches that morning, straightened his shoulders and marched up to the stranger dozing under his tree.

"Good afternoon, sir,” he greeted with practised courtesy. “You shouldn't be here."

The man's eyes twitched, and he opened one, revealing a hazel iris.

"I can go wherever I want in my Realm, boy," he gruffed, low and gravelly, with an amused lilt. He puffed out a breath to move a long dark strand of curly hair from his brow.

Ambrose’s face heated in a furious blush as soon as the man's words sunk in.

"Oh," he whispered, stunned. There was golden embroidery on the man’s red and black tunic, muted by the shadow of the tree. Nobody could wear gold on their clothes but the Monarch of Rysde.

He cleared his throat. "Your Majesty... you are a long way from the capital."

When had he even arrived? The castle perched on the Foxridge would have noticed something like the royal party of King Edric proceeding through the cultivated Clifflands.

"Aye, I've come for you, little lord." The King squinted up at him and grinned. "You’re to be crowned."

#writeblr #writing community #beta readers #beta readers wanted #romantasy #fantasy romance #gay couple #asexual characters #bisexual characters

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luvksj · 2 years ago

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Roman Reigns Request: His Warrior Queen

A/N: this is an overdue request for @queengreenarrowmia89. i apologize for the wait as i’ve had to deal with uni and a big writer’s block. the bloodline story has been phenomenal so far and now that the Usos have left - it’s getting even juicier. the MITB match was awesome especially with Jey pinning Roman, ending his ‘invincible streak’. god, this storyline deserves an Emmy, Oscar and all other TV awards cause it’s absolutely amazing. maybe we’ll finally get a Jey vs Roman rematch for his new title at Summerslam? i would love to see that. this imagine may be shorter than usual and for that i apologize.

i apologize if its shit, i tried my best. anyway, enjoy the story :)

pov: the story of Roman Reigns and his warrior queen, Jo Wilson

Roman Reigns and his wife, Jo Wilson were considered a power couple in WWE amongst fans, staff and fellow wrestlers. Some dreamed of having a love like theirs, you could call it a ‘fairytale romance’ but those who knew the couple well knew it was nothing like that.

It wasn’t easy with their equally busy schedules. They could be apart for months on end and only be able to speak with each other once or twice a week if that. But, they made it work. They fought hard for this relationship and made many sacrifices which helped create their unbreakable bond.

But how did the two lovebirds meet? I’ll tell ya.

Before Jo, Roman was with Galina Becker and had Joelle together. A year after Joelle was born, they decided to go their separate ways but remained on good terms and co-parented, raising Joelle together. It was an amicable split, their busy schedules meant they couldn’t be together often and ended up growing distant.

It was a few months following his split from Galina that Roman met Jo Wilson. A friend of Jo had an extra ticket to RAW and asked if she wanted to come. Jo, having nothing better to do, agreed.

Jo knew nothing about wrestling, she was going into this blind. I mean, she did a quick Google search but it barely told her anything - so she was relying on her friend to ‘educate’ her about one of their favourite things ever.

When Jo first saw Roman, she was entraced by him. His menancing aura, the power it radiated. He was making his entrance, standing at the top of the stairs flanked by his two team-mates. Jo couldn’t take her eyes off him, everything about him captivated her.

Everything about him just screamed power and dominance. He walked around like he owned this place, his tall statue was enough to make people tremble. Jo proceeded to ask her friend about him, she wanted to know more about this Samoan man.

“That’s Roman Reigns. He’s part of the Shield with Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose. His nickname is the Big Dog for very obvious reasons.” Jo’s friend explained. Jo’s eyes remained fixated on Roman for the whole match, he never left her sight - she was hypnotised by him.

The power and dominance he exuded mixed with the cheeky smirks made Jo’s heart go doki doki. They briefly made eye contact, Roman grinned at her and she swore that her face had never turned on red in her life.

He looked like a god in her eyes - the way his long black hair stuck to his body because of his sweat made him look all the hotter. The way Roman loomed over his opponent made Jo’s thoughts turn south but she reigned herself back in. Roman won his match and glanced at Jo, he winked at her making her face redder and her heart beat even louder.

“Well... did you enjoy it?” Jo’s friend asked once RAW had finished. She nodded, still in a daze, “I saw you oogling at Roman. You like him, don’t you?” her friend teased making Jo smack their shoulder in embarassment which made her friend laugh.

Before exiting the arena, a staff member stopped them and handed Jo a piece of paper claiming someone backstage wanted to give it to them. She opened it to reveal a phone number from Roman Reigns, it took everything in Jo and her friend to not scream.

“You’ve gotta text him!” her friend urged and after relentless pestering, she did.

‘Hi, you gave me your number. I don’t know if you remember me or not but I thought I’d say that you were so cool tonight.’

Jo wasn’t expecting an instant reply since he’s a busy man, she wasn’t expecting a reply at all. She only did it so her friend stopped bugging her. To her utter surprise, Roman did reply a couple hours later:

‘Hi, I remember you. You wouldn’t stop staring at me during my match and I thought you looked rather cute. What’s your name?’

Squealing, she hugged her pillow hard and kicked her feet in the air. Jo didn’t know if it was out of embarrassment or excitement - maybe it was a bit of both. Embarrassed that he knew she stared at him the entire time, she must’ve looked dumb but excited that he remembered her and called her CUTE!

Responding, they found themselves messaging each other whenever they were free. Jo was a gynecologist, someone who specialized in female reproductive health and loved her work.

It wasn’t until months later that Roman and Jo coincidentally met again... at the hospital. Roman was there to get checked up after getting hurt in a match. Jo had just finished her shift and recognized Roman, who was waiting to be seen.

Mustering up enough confidence, she approached him and they began talking. They could both sense an undeniable chemistry and attraction between them, it felt like they’ve known each other for years when it’s only been a few months. Jo ended up waiting for Roman and chatted more over Waffle House.

After months of pinning, Roman officially asked Jo out and she said yes. She met his family and they immediately accepted her. She even met Galina when Galina dropped Joelle off, they became quick friends and she bonded well with Joelle.

Like every relationship, it had its ups and downs - times where they were near breakup but powered through. Jo had visited Roman at work a few times when she had free time and WWE was in Florida, she befriend a few people including Seth and Dean.

Years of dating, Roman finally proposed to Jo in an intimate moment and during this time, Jo was pregnant with their first children. They got married in a gorgeous, private ceremony in Samoa with all their friends and family present. The friend who took Jo to that RAW was her maid of honour, she proudly declared that she was the reason Jo and Roman met during her speech.

Jo gave birth a few months after the honeymoon. She gave birth to a beautiful girl named Luna. Roman was over the moon and Joelle had quickly adapted to her new role as the eldest sibling. Jo watched the two fondly, her life literally couldn’t be more perfect.

Fast forward to now, Roman and Jo were the proud parents of 6: Joelle, Luna, twin boys named Christian Roman and Seth, another set of twin boys; Jimmy and Jey, after Roman’s cousins. Jo was also expecting twin girls and they had already decided on the names: Madison Meredith and Patricia Lexi.

With her due date fast approaching, Roman had been taking time off WWE to care for his pregnant wife and look after his children with help from their eldest children. Jo still worked as a gynecologist despite Roman earning more than enough to support the family, she loved her career and Roman would never ask her to give up something she was passionate about.

Jo watched WWE from time to time. In all honesty, she wasn’t the biggest fan of his current gimmick - the Tribal Chief and would sometimes scold him for attacking wrestlers, especially her favourite ones. Wrestling wasn’t her thing but she always supported her husband, being his number one cheerleader and sending him good luck texts before matches.

Roman considered it his good luck charm, without her encouraging text he would’ve lost the title a long time ago. He was lucky for many reasons but in his opinion, the luckiest thing he ever had was his amazing family.

Roman didn’t enjoy being away from his family for so long and plans to take an extended hiatus once his twin girls were born. Sure, he enjoyed his career and wrestling in front of thousands of fans and travelling all over the world to wrestle. But nothing beats being with his family, he’d pick his family over his career any day of the week without hesitation.

Roman had his wife to thank for this life, someone he proudly dubbed his warrior queen and his eyes - the true Tribal Chief of the family.

#wwe imagine #wwe reactions #wwe reaction #wwe #The Bloodline #The Usos #wrestling fanfiction #wrestling imagine #wrestling imagines #roman reigns #the tribal chief #the shield

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prestonmonterey · 1 year ago

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camp here and there thoughts

considered spamming my friend, but instead ill put stuff here.

this is all my thoughts from as im listening to it, btw

sydney and jedidiah are quincent confirmed?!! (not clickbait)

i will literally eat up any character named rowan no questions asked

the first bit with the penguins reminds me of burrows end

one of my favorite silly weird things is time going past the numbers it should (reminds me of everything is fine. i think it was like, the first episode? digital clock goes from 2:59 to 2:60? super cool, love it)

"let us live to die another day" (will you live to see tomorrow or die another dayyy// once a spy always a spy.... sorry, sorry)

i love that theres emojis in the transscripts

i feel so bad for the vegans at camp

mentions of apocalypse? a character called rowan? (you know what time it is folks: obscure lyric references!!!! (my beautiful apocolypse, if i asked you to be mine, would our purposes align?) again, sorry. ill stop. no i wont.)

woo! sydney feelings hour!

i love syndey telling his tape recorder not to tell anyone about his hallucinations

ok random thing i just noticed the titles have like part of the one before them and part of the one after and thats just pretty cool

why is the sky always bad

sydney being very normal about death and jedidiah bein like 'no' is also very quincent

interesting the 'when you die you will rot' is a recurring thing

sydeys laugh is so cute i love himmm

ok so theres like a spider cabin, moth cabin, ladybug cabin and BATTLE CABIN?

children being bribed by sugar is one of the most realistic parts of this

ok but the distinction between reanimation and true necromancy is actually really cool

sydney as much as i love you why the heck did you say thick like that

(when youre a ghost recorder, no one knows your name, but they wont try to stop you if you arent playing the game)

'our bedroom' actually screaming

the voice acting is such yum

again, sydneys noncholance about death related things

omg gay?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

poor jedidiah is so pathetic and bbg

for the record i hate oposite day too

gasp: a navarro (makes sense shes a tyrant) (im refrencing gentlemens guide to love and murder? i think? i dont even know at this point)

i love that all of ep 5 is sydney being too extra and jedidiah being the most exasperated

ok so maybe the implication is that matthew isnt human, but also ppl can have extra color cones, but only afab ppl bc color cones are in the x chromosome (thats also why men are more likely to be color blind) so trans matthew hc now

sydney are your eyes ok??

justice for sydneys fancy soap

if someone does magic and hurts sydney i will cry

ok so now with confirmation that they use analog clocks i really wana know what they look like

also i was thinking about why the music from last ep reminded me of something v specific and i think its yokai watch?

"babe" ok theyve got to be gay right???

sydneys allergic to seeing goo? interesting

father time? a bastard? omg you know what time it is (hehehe time bastard)

sydney and jedidiah are so cute im actually going to die

aww i want lava cake w real lava :( (fun fact by strange definition water is technicaly a form of lava)

ok so the amount of wholesomeness makes me think something bad is going to happen

"theyre penny loafers :("

rowan rowan rowan rowan rowan rowan!!!

the audio design is so yummy idk if i said that already

(uhh i accidentaly skipped most of ep six so back to that)

(the elephant man is just dead ambrose and sydney is vincent if they werre better at communicating)

"worms arent people" uh, YES THEY ARE, rude.

jedidiah whatever your project is it cant be so important that you havent played chess with your bf in A COUPLE OF YEARS wtf

(ok now to regularly scheduled friendship goo)

sydney calling the camper different animals is one of my favorite things

why is the sky always fucked up

"scary things like...men" sir you are men (but also same i am so scared of men and also are men)

jeDIDiah lmao

"your husband" and sydney just goes with it

ok but why is sydney slowly giving more and more louis taopp vibes (plz dont be like him)

i love casual loredrops about chocolate shortages

"friends" sure.. sure.

ok... so sydney did know that jedidiah had pics of him in his office? bc they used to be on the corkboard/?????

poor bb sydney is sad that his husband isnt telling him things

"[Scoffs] Friend. As if we’re not… we’re not… [Sighs] we’re not." noo im gonna actually cry (i am- i was... i'm supposed to be the best/ref)

i wanna see sydneys haunted house and skeleton cat drawings :(

"Put the Silly Putty back. You don’t need more Silly Putty." (my friends @ me when i watch another musical) (myself @ me when i eat another one of rowans fandoms >:3)

"co-nurse" idk if hes actually the assistant or not but i think sydney calls him that bc control? bc he wants power

also jedidiah uses am and pm which is interesting bc i dont think sydney does

ok now i get why sydney doesnt like joshua

the trivia sections of fan wikis are my favorite thing on this planet. "it is unknown whether or not the color green exists"

btw they actually mention green eggs and ham in ep 1 so i think its at least a concept

i still hc trans matthew. no fan wiki can take that away from me >:(

juniper daddy issues confirmed??

"Well, we can — petition her!" (i will try to petition my father/ref sorry sorry sorry)

Wait, one more: Cunt. (uuh, fucker /ref. will anyone even get that one? its filled my brain. i dont remember any quotes before or after... it's taopp. uh, the scene with louis and jason in the hallway or something)

we love sydney trauma dumping 2 mins into an ep

i wonder if he sometimes forgets hes broadcasting to a bunch of middle schoolers

i wonder if joshua knows that middle schoolers arent usually 14

i love that sydney doesnt know what oatmeal is

sydney: if only my husband would play 20 dimensional chess w me :(

"Lucille has a flamethrower. You have to listen to what she says." the only lesson ever

natsume def has parent issues

just remembered that the trees produce defensive slick

i want teethh flowers :(

"and I fear that the end is near." (the end is coming, the end is coming! /ref)

"as sweet, and patient, and motherly, and forgiving as she is" so... not at all?

i love the silly old timey music omg its so fun

gasp cannon date. thats crazy. someone better have a timeline theory bout this.

aww no teeth flowers? :(

im concerned about sorens stones

is the ticking clock new? it feels new

oh huneee :(

just remembered the notes in the description. thats lore, right? prolly im too lazy to check.

Word to the wise: you ever come across that statue, do not look her in the eyes. (the fact that it rhymes too) (someone should make a cover of a word to the wise but with this line) (please?)

matthew appreciation time

sydney mommy issues?

jesus heck how many cabins are there?

is that what the pebbles were for???? im still scared.

sydney's silly drum roll gives me life

im actually so in love with matthew

sacrificial rituals, yay!

D: can they just be gay and happy? please?

they better get happy >:(

the spooky is rly goodd tho

mommy issues: the episode?

again, we love sydney trauma time before minute 3 of the episode

mila is a theater kid confirmed?!

sydney it seems like theres alot to unpack about your mom...

i dont think i want to know what horn sap is

"It’s all very delightful, b-but quite strange" idk the way he says that line is so vincentcore

im v worried for marie ann

"Don’t worry — they aren’t real ants. But it is a real log! " honestly id rather eat ants than a whole tree

"bending over to whisper in my ear." sydney is a short king <3

ohh the centipedes

i love the contrast of ideas its super spooky.

“I’ve just got to do better,” (never let yourself rest, they can try to despise you, but not your success) (also ambrose vibes. idk, but like maybe jedidiah has a similar 'if im perfect then people will finally love me' thing goin on?)

“Give me a hard time, okay? We both deserve that.” (more ambrose vibes)

i think hes looking for validation from lucille?

i like that the va's voice patterns makes it clear when hes talking quietly even though the audios still at the same volume

"I know I’ve constructed a few effigies in my time. " (effigies of the god appolo, dickweed /ref)

"There is a clear block of resin on my desk with a centipede inside. He wants to swap places with me. Lately, I am tempted to let him." spooky

(last couple eps had, like, news broadcasts at the beginning? idk if its been like that the whole time, but probably lore stuff.)

o no is it rock time? (also soren sounds like such a cartoon character i cannot get over it)

is mother of stones the reanimation lady from the death fields or whatever?

i love that the only actually vegan thing given to the vegans so far is assorted leaves

i have a feeling that normal day might not be normal...

idk why would worshiping a statue of stones to be reborn into a second life in the middle of the forest be illegal?

ohh its bc normal day i already forgot/

" Un-resurrect? Un… resurrect… Were we going to “surrect” the rabbit?" (i prefer 'mercy killing' /ref)

i want juniper and joshua rivals to lovers/rivals to friends content. just putting that out there.

sydney just kill the rabbit

ok the fact that sydney is worried about this death-related thing is really unsettling

aoisfeorgijefmoigjt4ri4tgoirjjitog this is so spooky i love it so much

sydney needs proper therapy

"I know I’m beating a dead horse, but the guy wants something from me, and he does something to me, and I don’t like that he just gets to be around no matter how much I protest!" (grace when max)

and it all comes back to control

poor baby boy

:(((((((((((((((((((((((

(poor boy, tormented /ref)

why he bri'ish

nevermind i dont want juniper content anymore

"jeddie, m'boy"

why does anyone like him

yes, yes rowan is handsome

himbo juniper, but i still hate him

"it’ll steal all your nutrients until you wither and die!" (its infectious, its deadly, its one to be feared /ref)

"I’ve always wanted to be killed by something that loved me." dont. dont say that sydney.

soren is the dark magic sugar daddy of camp. prove me wrong.

"Would a child really do that? Just come to Summer Camp and tell lies?" yes. they would.

song? song!!!!

if this isnt on the soundtrack imma be pissed

idk how to explain this, but salems voice is really sharp

i certainly dont want to know what ostrich cream is...

if this makes sydney bottle up his feeling and muck up his relationship with jedidiah more im not gonna be happy

(ok so i was just informed that its going to get worse and,, i dont know how to emotionally prepare myself.) (also its past 10:30 pm so bear with me if my thoughts get a lil incoherent. as if they ever were coherent)

cant remember if this happens with sydney too but theres static when jedidiah says the time. interesting

so sydneys smoke thing is unique to him??

we do love occupying characters with a physical task during conversations

ig marisol prioritizes efficiency and salem prioritizes the wellbeing of the kids

also salem dont badmouth sydnel like that

gay??

more confirmation that sydney needs therapy

im v glad marisols on sydneys side

jedidiah is bein kinda silly, marisols like 'he makes me uncomfy' and hes like 'just dont feel uncomfy'

if only sydney and jedidiah were as good at communication as the sapphics

love that sydney is like 'dont swear!!!!' but dumps all of his trauma on the kids

noo im sad :(

"It’s a laaaaaazy day today." <<<(me tomorrow after not sleeping all night)

nothing bad better happen on the speepy day >:(

"Men. Men sure are mysterious." mood

"I can’t describe how it feels to see a blue sky… almost… apocalyptic. " i love subverting expectations and turning something ordinary into something completely paranormal.

also vambrose moment (the apple)

o great thats where the canibalism comes in

eugh

i do not want

(and this is why salem is worried about you buddy. dont share stuff like that with kids.)

on the other hand kids arent, like innocent to this type of thing, really. i used to babysit my friends lil sister ( i think she was in 2nd or 3rd grade?) shed make lego skits about people murdering eachother, with like, a lot of detail too. and i dont think she was raised on particularly violent media. she played pokemon go on her parents phone or doodles in kids drawing apps. i think kids just kinda gravitate towards these kinds of things, especially if theyre told theyre not supposed to.

o no sydney being normal about the elephant man is not good

"You get hungry." hungy theme within his dreams?

"I like animals because they never forget to be scared: of starving, of getting eaten, of getting hurt or sick." also reaccuring thing from the bunny

and centipede thing. and ants. (im guessing bc its a dream it s lots of things relating to his current situation, especially thematically) (also i believe ants were brought up at some point when he said something along the lines of 'it felt like ants were eating my stomach lining'

the writing is so good its unfair

"I should never have forgotten to be scared." this is really interesting bc so far hes only been really scared by the elephant man.

"and none of the birds could speak English." ok i think its extremely disturbing to consider the fact that 'its a uniquely human thing to surpress pain' so the birds CAN talk but theyre still animals. they never forget to be scared and they never think to hide their discomfort.

also geez this episode is so dark compared to the others. it makes sense in universe, bc most of this is going on in sydneys head.

noo matthew was affected he better be ok after >:(

also appreciation for the slowing music, i didnt really register at first but thats definitely bc of the weird time happenings. and then the crank and it speeds up? super cool!

this series is so fun!!!

im a bit worried that jedidiahs 'extra special clock' may have something to do with his project? especially considering he has a lot of clocks around his office

more hungy, i think that bc he was hungy but didnt really realize it bc time weirdness, it seeped into his dreams somehow?

appreciation for sydney being able to eat garlic bread

also interesting thing, idk if its relevant in universe or just a writing thing, but no matter what happens with time it seems to always be resolved for sydney to know when 25:25 is.

oh fuck the canibalism is back

icky

i do not want

nope nope nope its getting worse

sorry im blood squeemish

more elephant man lore

kinda spooky. maybe his powers rely on electricity? or theres some greater creature hes afraid of that haas that effect

appreciation for the ending music of ep 16, and also just all the music in that ep.

hive? (the apothiosis is upon us?)

also really different music for the intro. idk if its like a genre or something related to hives, but its style really reminded me of queen b from nightmare time.

i want a waterslide to nowhere

i dont want a bri'ish man talkin bout 'beans on the cob' to be responsible for my safety, like, ever.

more sydney lore! poor bb sounds like he needs a hug. particularly from one Jedidiah A.A. Martin

i love the corporate bg music during harmlessmart its such a nice touch.

matthew matthew matthew matthew

fresh honeycomb sky.. hive theming?

this is exactly the shenanigans that middles schoolers get upto when theyre realeased into the woods

" So it has been, and so it will be; eternal in all directions in time." idk i just like this quote,

more ants

sports crystals = pokey?

bee tsunami

so he is co-nurse... when does jedidiah ever do his job? where is he?

noo sydney not the corner bread

comunicate!!! please!!!

"but he must love me, right?" :(((((((((((((((((

" — my journals." of course jedidiah only cares when it relates to his project. so quincycore, but if quincy didnt care about his bf.

idk if i should keep watching this tonight. on one hand, if i keep watching i might cry bc sad, but if i stop i will definitely cry.

"He would always be the father, and I would always be the mother" (blitzstonecore)

"How he could love something so much… and forget to feed it." (he loves sydney, he just forgets to take care of him. in the way sydney needs, instead of the way jedidiah thinks he needs.)

a grey sky

reading wikis again, and the warriors thing is just such a mood, and idk if the creators understand dnd stats properly, or if he jus sucks that much at living, but negative stats are not possible. like players usually cant get below a 3. and -4 means he has like -7 con, so he has 1 hit points at first level, which is really pathetic. yes im going to nerd about this. (i think its super funny bc, like sure w a 19 for wisdom he probably wouldnt fail wis saves, but on the off chance that he did, viscious mockery, a bard cantrip, will knock him out no matter what, and if it rolls i think a 3 or 4 it completely kills him. he could be killed by a single insult.)

(ive been informed that this will make more sense once i finish it, and now im v scared)

(also prolly shouldnt be reading the wiki rn bc spoilers, but im doin it anyway.)

again, the stats are SO EXTREME. not as bad as sydney. he could feasibly weild a weapon (strenghth or dex if finesse i think) he has reasonable con which is good bc wizards have absolutely no health. idk whats up with his wisdom (ive heard it described as 'street smarts' and int as 'book smarts' but i think it kinda goes hand in hand with rizz for interactions, bc its used for like insight, which is kinda important to talk to people.) (thats actually something id say maybe doesnt work well with sydneys high wis. so far it seems like, while he is quite observant, hes not always super great at reading the room, or at least thats what ive gathered)

also idk about the charisma bc so far jedidiah seems a bit more put together in the persuasion/deception/intimidation area of things.

might eep now. that means its a great time for you to drink some water.

do it. stay hydrated. it mustve taken a ton of mental energy to get through this post, so you should take a break. get a glass of water, get a snack, take care of yourself. (sleep if its past midnight or if your name is rowan) then you can come back and finish reading this shitshow :]

ok its morning time to finish this (maybe)

restarted ep 16 bc i forgor

omg wait sydneys usin am and theres static

i love that theres a credit card stealing fish.

no sydney youre doing it again what did salem say

relation to sydneys worms?

"If he didn’t value these creatures when they were alive, why was he so affected by their deaths?" STOP NO IM ALREADY SAD I GET IT

and thats why sydney wont kill the centipede?

w h a t

spooky music

is the hive conected to the elephant man?

excuse me did he just call worms many legged creatures (ig like worms as in maggots and caterpillars and silkworms, not earthworms)

i love that theres always some counselors that dont get to participate in the camp meetings

sydneys impression of jedidiahs voice is so silly

"But I like endings; I like closure. That was the point of this whole exercise." more with sydney being more ok with death perhaps?

“Ha. Abandoning your child in a lake . . . . so that’s what motherhood means for you?” NO NO NO NO NO :(((

"But I am not my mother." so this is why hes so protective of the kids?

rowan hero?

this feels less like a hive and more like an egg

rowan hero!

bad smoke, different smoke?

hive queen

ye i was right, it egg

so they WERE gay at some point???

interesting that jedidiah doesnt mention the elephant man breaking into his office

he frames it as 'im worried about sydney' even though hes been ignoring sydneys concern until it affected himself

ye ye lucille gets it he only cares about himself and his project

hes emotionally attatched to sydney, but he doesnt take care of him, because he doesnt understand what it means to not be taken care of

sydney taught himself how to love, and he makes a conscious effort to try his best, but he prioritizes the kids because he doesnt want to be like his mom

ye ye lucille call out the lil guy

lucille has the same thoughts about the elephant man as jedidiah did before he tried to take the journals

noticed the clock ticking

ohh so spooky bad stuff in the journals?

jedidiahs trying to keep sydney safe, reminds me of the "it was cozy and safe, like a prison" thing

also lucille bein his mom explains why sydney and jedidiah are close?

jedidiah doesnt like death, maybe hes afraid of it. because its closure, like sydney said. bc he doesnt know how to care about something while its alive, so he settles for greiving when its gone.

also the ending 'do not anger it" is a repeat i think?

o no more tree stuff?

am again and static

at least today the vegans get somethig they can maybe eat?

so he is the assisstant nurse? confusion

buddy are you sure thats not a corpse

assuming the things jedidiahs getting shipped in are related to his project, hes making progress?

again with him prioritizes his project above sydney

also minor thing about the lunch b i feel like hes kinda underestimating sydneys intelligence (of course judging by the dnd stats its barely above average) and thats also v quincy of him

also i think he forgot to say the time, but theres static for dinner, prolly bc pm

interesting i dont remember when sydney switched. was it always like that? 19:04 PM implies a 19:04 AM, and thats a lotta hours

sydney appreciating nature

do you even like goo arts? arent you allergic to goo

ok really interesting that they bring this up bc sydney was just talking about how he and jedidiah had a bag of acorns that they took home? and they were fine

plant spooky

related to project?

time static

:((((

his lil eep is v cute

not even chess. bro why do you even check on him if youre too tired to play chess

clock tic

physically safe.

sad gay

more clocks tic

no you cant end the ep like that

sydneys still gone :(((((

juniper no one likes you dont laugh at your own jokes

oh but rowan honey is getting juniper to his job worth putting up with his horrible voice and personality

its extremely ironic that jedidiah is responsible for mediating counselor arguements when he doesnt comunicate with his own husband

"how do I explain to you that you need to care about other people?" DONT SAY THAt... it makes me sad...

"I worry about you sometimes, though, y’know?" heres a concrete difference between juniper and jedidiah: juniper actually makes the effort to care about rowans worry, even if he cant empathize with it. honestly i think this episode is included to show jedidiah through a different light, bc so far it seems like him and juniper are very similar.

they both rarely do their actual work, and have someone they care about who has a (maybe) irrational fear of something they cant understand

"You keep saying all this nice shit to him like it means anything and then consistently letting him down with your behavior." showing jedidiah recognises these traits in other people but not himself.

"Your actions are what matter to the people around you, not your words or your intentions or your thoughts or your fucking anything else but your actions, and your actions show Sydney loud and clear that you don’t give a shit about him." aaand he let it slip. he knows hes doing the same, maybe? some part of him gets that.

hopefully after this there will actualy be some kind of positive change?

not sure if this is important, as i havent been reading the other log thingies, but under minor insight into it repeats a bullet point

theory: the elephant man took sydney???

"I promise you kids I will attend dutifully to the nurse’s office in Sydney’s absence. Or, I’ll make sure someone is, at least." more jedidiah avoiding his actual job, similar to juniper

again sydney prioritizes knowledge above all else, maybe a similarity to jedidiah

"One by one, we all stay alive…" cant remember if this was like an endy thing but it sounds familiar.. either way super spooky

yvonne dyslexic not clickbait?

"Of course I can, it’s — plain English." ok interesting def a thing about either yvonne or jedidiah, bc like they dont see the notes the same???

"I wanted her to get angry. I wanted a fight. I wanted consequences. I… I wanted… it to matter." he wants closure. he wants people to care about him

"She was kind then. So was Jedidiah." :(

:(((((((((((((

"really hard to believe that he would just — get up and leave." jedidiahs frustrated by the thought that sydney might not care about him like he thought?

another mention of religion. yvonne also mentioned praying in the last ep, and a while ago sydney talked about jedidiah being a 'good christian boy' or something like that

nvm that was the beginning of the last ep

im very good at life as you can tell

sorry back to 22

this is so strange

nother mention of religion

"My heartbeat has synced up with the ceaseless ticking… " reminds me of a comment i saw relating jedidiahs clocks to his heartbeat? idk i dont remember

this is... really disturbing. i dont know why

"holy day". interesting

this feels manipulative

no no elephant man if you turn sydney against jedidiah i will be very angy

wait isnt this like cult tactics, like asking someone to meet up in a low stakes setting, love bombing, asking them to do something to prove their loyalty. (i vaguely remember this from some yt video i watched about cats)

"Show you a love you have never known." hes preying on sydneys desire to be wanted, to be cared about

this is so unsettling my god.

" Jedidiah’s search party " means lucille aproved it?

"I mean, y’know, live like you’re dying, right? " (exexprincecore)

"What do you mean “that’s one way to put it”? Yvonne, these are blank papers!" enchanted papers?????????

ok sydney dont lie to them'

"Um. Okay. Listen. Sydney… I don’t want to lose you." but he doesnt really care, still

clock ticking

"the tree finds human happiness nauseating." huh.

"violent criminal history in the state of arkansas" thats all i could catch from the news thingy at the start, for some reason its not on the ep transcripts :(,,, but didnt elijah say hes from arkansas??? is that anything?

theres still static with the time

theyre dead?? like straight up?? all of cabin widow spider?

oh ok theyre not fully dead

as, like, the only sane person who cares about the elephant man, i wonder what marisols reaction is?

sports field? what about the musically inclined crystals?

hhehehe forgot that soren sounds like a cartoon villain

he nya like cat

...does the project have some relation to necromancy????????

tap tap tap tap tap tap

so crackers and butter cookies count as bread???

" but without death, it will never live." (to show ya the horror of stayin alive) (sorry sorry sorry sorry)

"Not because we want to, but because we must." ^^^^

wait wait wait i think i remember the one by one thing. but it was "one by one we all survive" and then "one by one we all stay alive" or something lik e that, so its interesting that it changed.

"but I can’t believe any amount of money would convince her to completely ignore the safety of the kids." again thingy with prioritizing the kids

"Seems this strain of mold just turns us into zombies, like… interpersonally?" mood

hahahaha juniper already is like that so the mold didnt have any effect

hun he is definitely deliberately manipulating yp

ok so idk about any of endy bits so far but it keeps bringing up not angering it and they "youve angered it" and im guessing if anything it has something to do with elijah??? or the project?? maybe both idk

"It’s like you don’t even care about the kids here anymore." huh

and it all comes back to control.

"Jedidiah… [Sigh] this mediation session isn’t for you and me." they need to go to couples therapy

" [Whisper] I miss you. .... I’m such a fucking idiot. " :((((

can the gays just be happy? just for a little bit? can elijah go away? can everyone please for the love of god or whatever just be happy for one goddamed moment?

no am, still static

i dont think thats a river

also, 'rapids'? he said like a moment before it was still, which kinda means its just more lake, and the land partially seperating it is an island

"they’re hungry for a sense of intellectual superiority." i love that the creatures in and around camp are half spooky half completely mundane

ye for once i think junipers right its more like a moat

"For today’s breakfast we have an eel’s head stuck upon a 500-year-old sword and slathered with pea mush — a hometown delicacy suggested by Juniper. He says they call it “scrumpledydumps!”" (ugh. british people.)

hc sydneys proficient in animal handling

... he feels like a curse and not in control of his life :(

forgot about the macaronis

uhh wouldnt a bridge make the hunt like destroy cam

(the horse? the divorce? /ref)

"I can’t figure out what this poor fox eats." is this a reference to the fly thing? showing contrast bc sydney actually thinks to take care of it?

still no am or pm but theres static

:((((((((((((((((((

please let them be happy? (this is why i stil havent finished yellow jacket. i simply cannot handle characters being sad or the undeniable feeling that something terrible is going to happen)

"the tree also finds human fear nauseating." huh.

clocks. are we finally gonna learn more about the project/??

no more river

beeping

what the actual f u c k is going on

id let matthew poison me with arsenic

holy fucking shit

i love that sydney raises his voice when he does an imression of joshua

"You know, when I was a kid, a large portion of my daily diet consisted of complimentary condiment packets from the school cafeteria."...sydney are you okay?/?????

at this point the static is kind of comforting. the only thing consistent at camp other than sydneys trauma

more beeping

huh??? i swear hamsters have been mentioned before

ye ye ye

how does sydney know what hamsters eyes look like if theyve been extinct for millions of years????

" 2:01 AM" WHOA thats new.... is it bc of maintenence? perhaps?

still static

oh fuck no i forgor about the journals

more clocks

FUCK

(extra thing this kinda reminds me of holloweane a bit just bc of the like not being able to give info, of course ms holloway does WANT to, and does try to tell duke, but anyway)

(and now i gotta go do stuff. why did i agree to do stuff after that episode. damn. anyway. this is your reminder to take a break from my ramblings. get some water, stretch, focus your eyes on something that isnt a screen. and of course, if your name is rowan, you should sleep probably)

hi im back

birds. huh.

and a clock tickin, but it stopped before the click.

apple=jedidiah?

what about the second hand???

clocks have knowledge. sydney wants it.

this musics quite the jam

is petrfified wings a thing? it feels farmiliar

" 25-26-100 hour days." hwhat the hell

he wants to be a clock? he wants to be flexible?

is this the extra special clock that fucked up time in that one episode?

wheat feild? related to the death fields? i think sydney mentioned someones wheat allergy in that ep

this is v strange

something.. something train related happened to his dad?

is.. is the next event sydneys death? jedidiahs death?

thats why he doesnt like it? why hes scared of death?

knowledge. thats what they both seek.

FUCK NO elijah go away i dont like you >:(

of course, elijahs using him to get information. also HOW THE FUCK DOES HE KNOW ALL THIS (sydney please get away from that creepy stalker)

"hot tea with honey is good for sore throats." (goddamit emma now i gotta make a tea with honey /rref)

the weird audio thing in the background right after the episode title reminds me of my printer.

poor campers, no salt. nothing better happen to matthew >:(

at least sydney stopped spreading propoganda about the elephant man

oh also hes back to saying the time, am and pm, and our dear friend static

fuck

thats a lot of blood

w h a t

static please help me

what do they have against france

" it’s so funny to watch the fumes struggle to conjure anything worse than what I’ve actually been through." >:0

"[HE BUTCHERES THE PRONUNCIATION]" me too buddy, me too

did...did sydney get a clock?

o no are the penguins gonna come back

sydney are you okay???

all of this better be on the soundtrack

[HE BEGINS TO HYPERVENTILATE AND CRY.] (mee too budy, me too)

" Are you ready? Why did you lie?" w h a t

ok ok ok im definitely gonna finish this today bc if i dont ill stay up thinking about it anyway

more god, sin and death stuff. also mention of adam, possible relation to up and adam? (intro bit still sounds like a hyperventilating printer)

(this is so long i wonder if anyones actually made it this far. wait atcually the fandoms small so prolly.) (i bet rowans reading this. i bet hes not actually sleeping like i told him to, twice.)

NO ELIJAHS BACK (idk if anyone else is here but i am a member of the elijah hate club)

brought up the ceremony thing again. (still seems kinda cultish)

quiet beeps

louder beeps

this "stupid man" sounds a bit like jedidiah...

"He did not understand how to feed it" again the starving thing

or, is it elijah? idk im confused

also wtf is goin on w the accent

so muse is definitely sydney, prophet is elijah, so yeah i think the architect is jedidiah

"I will be the one to crystalize the truth of your perfection" (uh oh is he gonna pull an ambrose)

kinda sounds like hes gonna set sydney on fire

FUCK SYDNEY YOU BETTER TELL JEDIDIAH (pls just make them be okay)

"…I’m going to start sleeping in the room with Jedidiah again." ok ok thats progress good.. maybe hes not so distrusting of jedidiah anymore??? at least hopefully itll help w his pain

silence.

(reading comments) i saw some ppl saying sydney died and got revived and that makes sense considerign the story but also WHAT THE FUCK

reason jedidiah wont tell him about the project? or why hes so intent on keeping him physically safe? (how much does he know about elijah, bc elijah seems to know a lot about him)

another mention of god in the news before the title

no more printer sounds? maybe i just wasnt payin attention

"Hey, what’s this co-nurse stuff? Aren’t you Sydney’s assistant?" joshua out here askin the real questions

idk whats goin on but somethng seems really off

clock

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. that is no way to end an episode. again, this is why i cant finish yellow jacket. i do not like the sad.

idk if its just me but elijah sounded a bit different.

shit this is already episode 31.

trees

also um fuck what the hell is that title. the pyre??? sydneys just gonna go with it?! dude hes gonna set you on fire !!!

also side note taking a moment to appreciate the pacing of the series so far, the whole time its felt like just the right amount is happening, it never feels too rushed or boring. also the attention to detail and callbacks and references are amazing

oh fuck he mentioned the penguins. that means jedidiah will knwo he was looking for the journals

wow it s been a while since he talked about the sun or the moon, kinda nice to hear about the sky again. of course now im remembering jedidiah talking abotu the stars and im sad again.

the moon was in the sky all day? is that normal?

oh. she wants control. like how sydney talked to elijah. to prove he has control. to make a choice.

"was that being fed is not always the same as being nourished." back to the starving thing.

the clock is back

he misses jedidiah :(

still dont know whats goin on with the centipede

"I need to prove I’m worth something to you" (ambrosecore)

"My body is whole. My body is eaten.' spooky.

they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy

32!

glitchy walky talkies? i think thats that kind of beep. something something something RADIATOR? idk as someone whos bad at listening, i kinda wish they put the beginning bits in the transcript, but i guess thats bc mysteries???

static is back. aw, the moon has returned to her duty.

"Ahhhhh, to overthrow nature…" reminds me of the natural order thing joshua said during the camp revolt thing

also i was so right about elijah's culty stuff

communication? are they gonna be happy, maybe, at some point???

...i may have read spoilers in the wiki that they get together in 34, so i hope that means theyll be happy.

fuck fuck fuck fuck noo no non on no no elijah stay away

"Am I alone… ? " D:

glad he has a gun. that definitely cant backfire in any possible way...

fuck fuck fuck why is cabin dungbeetle like thhis

sound design is still so fuckin sick

jedidiah describing sydney: he's, uh, fuck, idk hes hot?

hes so pathetic /affectionate

OH FUCK ELIJAH KIDNAPPED HIM!!! TONIES WHY DIDNT YOU START WITH THAT WHAT THE HELL

no no no you can t end on cliffhangers like that (i say as if im not gonna watch the next one in like a minute) (i could never watch shows or podcasts as they come out i would actually die from the cliffhangers)

oh wait its not the end of the ep.

again sound design is immaculate

if sydney dies at the end of this series so will i, just putting that out there. (oh same with jedidiah)

YO OMG HES SO SMART i forgot about the reflection thing. what did he steal?? idk he took something that was like 'the only way i could seee my reflection' or something.. that makes so much sense.

by the way imma be at least a bit upset if we dont get any more rowan content before the end of the series.

(last ep)

FUCK you elijah i hope you BURN in HELL (sorry to any non elijah-haters, but also, not sorry bc hes bad)

"every day is a living fucking nightmare!" i mean this is just a thing thats said and not, like, unique to the show, but jedidiah does say something similar earlier on i think

the whole love vs want think kinda reminds me of linda, and like wiley bein like 'you dont want to be loved you want to be adored' (of course thats more framed as a villain thing so..)

FUCK WAIT THEY KNOW EACH OTHER???!!!!

"She keeps him like a prison." callback to the prison thing? the ''it felt comfy and safe, like a prison" i think it was something like that

so elijah is connected to the clocks somehow??

FUCK FUCK FUCK I FORGOT HE HAS THE JOURNAL

NO NO NO WHATS HE GOING TO DO

salamander man=elijah?

thats when he died???

second journal entry reminds me of, this is weird, but like dnd memes? and how magic kinda comes naturally to classes like sorcerers and bards, but wizards learn through study?

also im very confused by why the journal entries are so important, and why elijahs voice keeps changing. its really unsettling

so jedidiah was looking into magic to heal him?

"You turn it off and back on again." holy fuck

oh my god so thats why necromancy is such a reaccuring thing? and them being like , dw real necromancy isnt popular

the clock is also an interesting thing, idk what it means tho

aww the statics back :)

why is lucille like this

whats her goal in any of it

"This information… resists being known." (ms holloway vibes)

his, dad, died from that??

" Because I’m nothing without you, Sydney, I really am." (quincent vibes)

i find this switch really interesting bc up untill this moment sydneys always been the one, kind of, like, comfortable with death? and it makes sense now, i guess, because jedidiah was afraid of it, afraid that sydney might find out, and hed get hurt again

"But there’s something kind of sexy about that, though, right?" (a real stroke of luck, when the one man you can murder is one of the men you--- /ref) (sorrry sorry sorry this is a serious conversation ill try to be more normal)

awww gay (now for the happy? maybe? can they please be happy?) (sorry i said id be normal.. ill do that now < ---lying)

"Uhmm… [Sniff] hey, I, uh, haven’t seen you drink water, yet. I don’t think you’ve been drinking water — here. Drink. " (this is a reminder to all my friends who dont hydrate enough. do it. or you'll end up like sydney, nearly burned on a pyre by a weird russian guy in an elephant mask)

the gays? on their way to being happy? even just for a bit? not clickbait? (dw i know elijahs gonna come back and fuck everyone over in a lil bit. just let me have my moment)

"Also, he’s gone. For good." dude dont fucking jinx it!

"Seems the two of ‘em have gotten quite cozy. " (thats kinda gay dude)

i was so confused then i remembered that it was 20 dimentional chess

still kinda confused about the mirror thing

WAIT WHAT THE FUCK THATS THE END

NO NO NO NO NO NO

e32uojkbwqlrhugejbkqfdshoihuqjbkefrbejwkghioujeklfnwmdlskjaipuojlknm, gnwklejfponrdsjlaiojfwejb

im sad now D:

anyway, i am sincerely sorry that you had to read this hot mess. uh, rowan, if youre still here. go to sleep.

ok now im gonna go read fanfic and hope it can heal me from this emotional rollercoaster.

bye <3

#camp here and there #chnt spoilers #cw violence #cw cannibalism #cw abuse?#cw gore #cw body horror?#cw death #cw animal death #cw cults?#uhh also spoilers for a lotta extra things bc i talk too much: spies are forever hatchetfield adamandi and toapp #marble musings #marble monologues

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ltwharfy · 1 year ago

Text

"Bob's Burgers" Season 3 Episode Ranking Rewatch (long post)

So, I've been rewatching "Bob's Burgers" from the beginning and ranking the episodes using the spreadsheet that @babsvibes created! If you want to know why I'm doing this or how I view the 1-5 rating scale, you can check out my Season 1 post!

Now on to Season 3:

Average (Mean) Score: 4.43

Mode (Most Common Ranking): 5

Ranking breakdown: 12 5s; 9 4s; 2 3s

Season as a whole thoughts:

Season 3 is a goddamn delight! My season 2 as a whole review was positive and Season 3 just builds on everything I enjoyed in season 2. More wonderful recurring characters are added to the mix- Mr. Branca, Mr. Ambrose, Courtney, Henry, and a certain Regular Sized boy I relate to way too much- among others! The world of the show expanded with our first visit to Kingshead Island. And the show continued to grow creatively- hitting new highs in music with "Lindapendent Woman" and "Topsy". Plus, we finally got a full length season meaning we get our very first holiday episodes, including my all-time favorite Christmas episode! I also feel like the show had mostly conquered the tone/characterization issues that popped up in the first two seasons. Bob's occasionally still a bit more of a dick than in later seasons, but he gets called on it now ("The Unnatural")!

In my season 1 review I mentioned watching that season as it aired and thinking it had potential. In my season 2 post, I mentioned that at that point it had gotten good enough that I would've been upset at the time if it was cancelled. By season 3, it had become one of my favorite shows- one that I would encourage friends and family to check out. If people weren't watching the comic glory of "O.T." and "Topsy" they were missing out big time!

Some thoughts on particular episodes:

(Since these seasons are longer I will be writing about a smaller percentage of the episodes- feel free to let me know if you want my thoughts on an episode I don't discuss)

"Bob Fires the Kids": One of my favorite things about this rewatch is discovering what I think of as the "sleeper hits"- episodes I remember being fine but, upon rewatch, turn out to be even better than I remember. This episode was the sleeper hit for Season 3. The kids are exceptionally hilarious in this one- especially being upset about Bob firing them and their attempts at summer fun before they work on the farm. And everything Mickey does is hilarious- the calypso song he sings, his description of "Big", not knowing how to put his hands up, pretty much all his dialogue with Bob ("B.B. King has that disease" "shut up, Mickey"- that exchange always makes me laugh.) Also, "I knew you so briefly, you dead soap dog" is an all-time great eulogy title.

"Mutiny on the Windbreaker"- Probably one the show's zaniest episodes and I love it! Gene falling in love with a a manatee puppet, Louise getting the manicurist to make her claws, all the Bob and Duval interaction- it never fails to make me laugh!

"The Deepening"- "Our toaster is confused, too. It doesn't know why we put bagels in it." This episode could get a 5 for that line alone. Also, I love Mort's standup comedy attempts in here, and the Bob, Teddy, and Mort vs. the shark finale. I wish they revisited the idea of Bob as Block Captain and Hugo as Quadrant Captain in future episodes- stupid neighborhood power struggles make great comedy, and it could've been a great way to get Hugo in the show without threatening to shut down the restaurant.

"Tinarannosaurus Wrecks"- One of this season's two 3s; in an ask game I once said this was my least favorite episode of the show. I empathize with Tina waaaaaaay too much in it to find it particularly entertaining. The first time my mom tried to teach me to drive in an empty parking lot, I basically had a panic attack. I didn't hit anybody's car, but my mom gave up on teaching me and my dad was out of the picture, so I ended up not learning to drive until I was in my 20s. It's hard not to think of that when watching this episode. That said, Tina's Hell fantasy is funny, I enjoy the Mort as the Belchers' chauffeur subplot, and Bob Odenkirk is always good. But it's still my least favorite episode of this season.

"God Rest Ye Merry Gentle-Mannequins"- My favorite Christmas episode! "Mannequin comes to life" is one of those tropes/plots that always amuses me for some reason, and this episode has some hilarious fun with it. "He said he's not a murder mannequin" is an all-time classic line in my book. Also, the ending with Chet saying he has a loft in Manhattan and Bob's "What?!" is one of the best last lines of an episode. Always leaves me with a laugh.

"Broadcast Wagstaff School News"- If I do a top 25 episodes list at the end of this rewatch, this episode will almost certainly be on it. Both the main plot and the Gene-as-little-Bob subplot are hilarious! "Back to you, Andy!" "Back to you, Ollie!" is the ultimate Pesto Twins moment to me. We get some character development for Zeke (his family moves around a lot), Mr. Branca makes his debut, Tammy and Jocelyn team up for the first time- this is pretty significant episode in the development of the support players at Wagstaff- in addition to just being really freaking funny.

"O.T.: The Outside Toilet"- A hilarious episode with a great "Belcher kids and their friends have an adventure" bit (I live for those), and an emotionally resonant plot for Gene. And drunk Linda repeatedly changing her terms for taxi ("snacky", "snatchy") always cracks me up! One time, I was creating a dating profile on Bumble and I had recently rewatched this episode on Cartoon Netowrk, and in the "About Me" section of the profile I wrote "I will never get tired of that episode of Bob's Burgers where Jon Hamm plays a talking toilet". I'm still single (but that profile did actually lead to me meeting one of the more interesting people I've met through a dating app, so...)

"Topsy"- Pretty much generally acknowledged as a classic, so I'll just specifically mention how much I love Teddy in this one. The whole backstory he comes up for "Dr. Glen Wellness" and the line "What's it like out there? Are people still the same, with their funny ways?" is sooooooo good. Like, I need to think of an occasion to say that in real life.

"It Snakes A Village"- Meh. If you want me to care about a story, don't make it about Gloria and Al. Especially don't make it about their sex life.

"The Kids Run the Restaurant"- I don't watch this one a ton because I can kind of empathize with Bob's squeamishness re: blood, but it is pretty hilarious. I especially loved Gene's idea of reformatting the restaurant to serving chicken. This week, I managed to turn his line "Chicken on a treadmill, last offer" into a running joke with a coworker whose never seen the show, so that was fun.

"Boyz 4 Now"- One of the strongest candidates for the title of my favorite "Bob's Burgers" episode. After rewatching it, I really think it might be the episode I would use if I only had one episode to try to convince someone to watch the show. It's unfailingly hilarious yet also has a relatable emotional core. I'm a 42 year old man, and I still feel like Louise every time I have a crush. Louise and Tina stories and "Louise in denial of her feelings" stories are two of my favorite types of stories and this is both. Plus, the tablescaping subplot really shows the Belchers at their best- all getting really enthusiastic about something pretty weird that one of them is doing! Also, Boyz 4 Now and their songs are hilarious and a perfect parody of pop music. My ranking scale for this project only goes up to 5, but in reality this an A++++, 15 out of 10, no notes.

"Carpe Museum"- Another all-time classic. Putting aside it introducing my favorite recurring character for the moment it also has: some of the show's definitive Bob-Louise bonding moments; the introduction of Henry Haber; Linda joining a picket line and coming up with obscene chants; Frond and the museum lady flirting; Teddy's speech encouraging Linda to go to the museum...so much good stuff! But yeah, there's also the introduction of Regular Sized Rudy, the most "me as a kid" character in TV history. Oh, and that last scene with Bob, Louise, and Rudy cuddling on the school bus? Basically the cutest thing ever in my book. If I ever seem a bit too excited to talk about Roudise on here, please keep in mind that I've basically been shipping them since May 5, 2013, with relatively few people to talk about it with until I joined this silly website last year.

Random Thoughts (stuff that doesn't affect the ratings):

-It is so nice for the show to have the normal version of the theme song and opening credits! Yes, the changes are small, but they matter to me. The opening music and credits in the first two seasons are just not as fun and lively as the version from three onward- and it makes the show as a whole feel a bit more fun now.

-Gene in "Broadcast Wagstaff School News": "Quick! Comb me over! Trump me!" It's so weird when pre-2016 TV shows make jokes about that guy in the genre of "businessman"/TV personality with bad hair knowing now that he is a wannabe fascist dictator.

-"Things that are different in their first appearance" department: Regular Sized Rudy's voice is noticeably different in "Carpe Museum" (it was funny to hear that interview where Brian Huskey said he was told "do what you did at the table read" and didn't really remember what he did at the table read). Also, Mr. Branca's pants are a different color in his first appearance than they normally are- I'm assuming that his normal pants were damaged in an unfortunate incident with his work crowbar.

Well, much like the Deuce of Diamonds and Toad the Wet Sprocket, I gave you my magic and now I am going to disappear. (Not really, I'm just ending this post. I'll still be here. I just couldn't resist making another reference to that line)

#bob's burgers #bob's burgers season 3 #bob's burgers episode ranking rewatch #long post

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