#;keeper of the brain cell

[charliemwrites]

From your latest post involving frustration with Shy Thing and Johnny, I can totally see that being a problem with all of the keepers. This sense of condescension comes with kidnapping someone, locking and hiding them away in a house that is practically baby-proofed, and then dismissing a lot of their fears or frustrations by saying something along the lines of 'I know what's best for you more than you'd ever know.' (I know they've done their research before taking them, but there are some things even the most well-trained soldiers can't know.)

And with a lot of your responses to the behaviors that the keepers show, they babify their pets in some sort of way, either by talking to them like a child or restricting access to items because they think they'll hurt themselves.

This level of coddling would drive me up a wall because as much as they're allowing me/the pet to do something, having them be the person who ultimately shoots down an idea, suggestion, or desire based on what they think is best for me is incredibly frustrating.

Just wanted to pop this into your inbox. Something about Shy Thing saying 'what’s the fucking point, you don’t listen' set me off into this discussion!

Hiii!!! Wow wow I adore this analysis because you’re absolutely right!! That’s some of the really deceptive and darker underpinnings of this au that I don’t tend to draw attention to. Because the fact that a lot of their chosen pets’ actual wants align with what the keepers think they need is pure happenstance (sort of… I mean they were picked out) and happy coincidence.

There’s a very good reason that Feral is feral, bitey and scratchy and snarly. There’s a reason that Johnny likes his Shy Thing so shy. And there’s a certain sinister tone to Good Girl having a collar - there were rules that she was trained to enjoy, rewarded heavily for abiding by.

In all practicality, it would be awful. I know that I, personally, would do a full crazy turn around and someone would not be surviving the experience. At the end of the day, these are normal human beings that got kidnapped from their normal (if unhappy) lives, isolated, manipulated to grow close to their captors, and encouraged to stop wanting their old lives because their new one is easier and safer and better showered in love and praise.

Thankfully, it’s safe to indulge and engage with fic like this. The narrative is still very controllable and genuinely safe (not keeper “safe”) for everyone to have a nice, temporary fantasy of a life being pampered and looked after.

(Also, on a more personal note, if you need me to tag more thoroughly, anon, let me know! I love you sending me this ask, I just want to make sure that the content is well-warned in advance)

[haleyusesherwords]

BDubs, whose literal task is to fight the dragon: Don’t mind me, I’m busy making The Orb of wool on my upside down house from hell

Gem, who gave approximately 4.3% effort to complete her assigned task and then gave up: Hey Impulse, here’s a pumpkin, go fight the dragon. No of course I’m not joining you.

[jun-hyungs]

big bro glide

[silverraes]

White. White ily and I bless you for having any resemblance of a brain cell in this moment. but you also literally just suggested to move the body. please take your own advice.

[vodika-vibes]

Yayyyy Tup & Arachne are besties! (Panicking besties but it’s fine all good—)

Oooooh Dogma or Echo as MJ . . .

Both Tup and Arachne are super competent people...when they're not together. When they're together they soft of play volleyball with the singular braincell that they share.

And while I was leaning towards Echo, Dogma amuses me more right now, so Dogma is MJ.

"So...like..." Tup eyes his brother suspiciously, "You and Arachne..." Dogma frowns, "What? You don't approve?" "What!? No! No...," Tup pauses, "Well, I mean, she's not exactly...I didn't think she would be your type." Dogma's frown deepens, "And what, exactly, is my type, Tup?" "Uh...not Arachne, basically." "If you're saying this because you have a thing for her-" "What! No! God No!" Tup makes a face, "Just...Has she told you about her name yet?" "Her name? I assumed that her parents gave it to her, you know, like how Natborns normally get names." Dogma replies as he raises his brows. "Right. Right. She hasn't then. Just...don't get too fond of her. Cause you might wanna dump her when you hear the truth." Tup says cheerfully. "You know, for someone who says that they're not interested in Arachne, you seem awfully thrilled at the idea of me breaking up with her." Dogma says, irritably. Tup presses his hands in front of his mouth, "Okay. So...she was bitten by a radioactive spider as a child and can now climb on walls and ceilings and is also actively trying to remove Palpatine from power because he's like...super evil. And she does so while dressed in purple skintight spandex." Dogma stares at him, jaw dropped, "She WHAT!?"

[autisticandroids]

CROWLEY BREAKING THE SPEARRRR

[purplesoup-lad-le]

marellinhiana book of life au

i am LOOKING please elaborate ash honey i need this in my life...

[molliehaswords]

I wonder what level The Crown Keepers are now. (Because we really need to add 3-4 more chucklefucks to this project, plus Fy’ra Rai and Mor, and also the Spider Queen)

[newlyfoundwren]

Probably not a hot take, but Rick should have made Jason just a little more of a freak. Not too over the top, but just enough because we already got:

Percy: Wanted by the FBI no less than 5 times and is described as “fighting like a demon” and still has self esteem issues when it comes to fighting. First magical horse girl

Annabeth: The worst abandonment issues you’ve ever seen to the point where her life goal is to build something that lives forever. Also wanted by the FBI and keeper of the brain cells

Piper: daughter of the most popular movie star and hates it. Former kleptomaniac turned professional gaslighter

Leo: ADHD gremlin who built a ship in 6 months which is based off of a drawing he made when he was a toddler

Hazel: Died in 1930 and doesn’t understand modern technology but swears like a sailor. Second magical horse girl and part time witch

Frank: The only one who isn’t ADHD or dyslexic and wishes he was. The chillest person you’ll ever meet but his dad is also the god of war. Third magical horse girl

And Jason’s just the normal one. He needs to not be normal

[lucyshypemaster]

@gethens-frozen-off-fingernails you are SO RIGHT FOR THIS. AND YOU SHOULD SAY IT A THOUSAND TIMES OVER.

look i'm not trying to hate on keefe or say his trauma and experience isn't valid, and that his parents aren't some of the worst, but sometimes it's refreshing to look at someone else for a change

alden seems to be very manipulative and fitz had no childhood because he was in the forbidden cities looking for a horse girl. "but keefe's mom-" DID I SAY ANYTHING ABOUT KEEFE???

[faetedforglory]

"th-this is what dad gets for saying th-those edibles weren't shit."

[godmadeaterribleerror]

No Love Lost Series Masterlist

Read on A03! - Listen to the Playlist!

Rating/Warnings: 18+ for canon-typical violence, swearing, mental health issues, mentions of rape/non-con, and sexual content.

Tags: Soldier Boy/Supe!Female Reader, enemies to friends to lovers, canon divergence, slow burn, smut, angst, fluff.

Series Summary

Three years ago you were normal, the only demons you had to fight were your own, and you the most you knew of Vought and the Boys were what you saw on TV. But then you met Homelander at a stupid party, and woke up the next morning in a cell.

After almost two and a half years of you being Homelander's little project, Soldier Boy was woken up only go rouge and be put back under. Somewhere in there, you escaped. And before Queen Maeve went underground, she told William Butcher about the Anomaly, a powerful supe who recently escaped Vought captivity and may have an agenda against Homelander.

One month later, the Boys found you.

You spend the next five months helping them best you can, though your control over your powers is weak and your fear of Homelander makes you useless in combat. But you get an idea. A stupid, dangerous idea that turns you into Soldier Boy's keeper, giving him a second chance to take down Homelander, you hanging over his shoulder, a threat should he want to go nuclear again. It's exhausting and frustrating, and you might kill him and yourself as soon as this is over, but you said whatever it takes.

And this is what it takes.

Author's Note

This story is non-canon compliant, with the two main differences being;

1) Butcher doesn't have brain cancer, because I said so.

2) All of Gen V didn't take place, because I don't want to deal with the whole supe-plauge thing. Also that's too many characters to keep track of squad.

Because of this, the story will start in a similar setting as s4e5, but with different events leading up to it, and will deal with similar themes and have similar events to the rest of s4, but at an inconsistent rate. If you have any questions about other, smaller changes I have made, feel free to ask!

Navigation Key

❤️‍🔥 = Smut

🚩 = Additional Warnings

Chapter List

Chapter 1 - Where Winning Looks Like Losing Chapter 2 - A New Kind of Tension Chapter 3 - You've Torn Your Dress 🚩 Chapter 4 - You Might Be The Same As Me Chapter 5 - Popped, Cool, and Ready to Go Chapter 6 - I've Been Searching for a Fortified Defense Chapter 7 - The Blinding Ultra-Violence 🚩 Chapter 8 - I Just Find My Way Back ❤️‍🔥🚩 Chapter 9 - Can't Cover It Up ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 10 - Lead Me To The Ark ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 11 - The Wolves or The Ocean Rocks Chapter 12 - While My Blood's Still Flowing Chapter 13 - The Terror of Knowing Chapter 14 - Choke on Sun Chapter 15 - I Found A Martyr ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 16 - Let It Flood ❤️‍🔥 🚩 Chapter 17 - Make My Chest Stir Chapter 18 - Something In The Static ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 19 - Don't Look Back 🚩 Chapter 20 - Forget to Fall Down Chapter 21 - Some Things You Just Can't Speak About ❤️‍🔥 🚩 Chapter 22 - I Stayed In The Darkness With You Chapter 23 - Wherever You're Going ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 24 - You'll Never Be Alone ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 25 - All I Know ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 26 - I’ve Loved Everything About You That Hurts ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 27 - Just A Shot Away 🚩 Chapter 28 - Something That I'm Supposed to Be ❤️‍🔥 Chapter 29 - All My Bets On You Chapter 30 - Every Demon Wants His Pound of Flesh 🚩 Chapter 31 - I'd Do It All Again ❤️‍🔥

More Than You Could Ever Know - A No Love Lost Christmas Special

Part 1 - The Boys start Secret Santa, Ben pretends to do his job. ❤️‍🔥 Part 2 - Ben and Ryan go shopping, and you all try to find a tree. Part 3 - You and Ben have a Christmas Eve date. Many gifts are opened.

Bonus Footage (Standalone Chapters)

Dying’s Up to Me - A Prologue. Takes place 6ish months before Chapter 1. 🚩 They're Never Gonna Find You A Home - Request! Everyone adjusts to your life with the Boys. Takes place 5ish months before Chapter 1. 🚩 Back to Here - Request! They get horny at the dining table, and Butcher takes it personally. Takes place in Chapter 14. It's So Simple - You make Ben do icebreakers. He's a little bitch about it. Takes place in Chapter 14. Just Your Time - You give Ben internet lessons. Takes place in Chapter 14. As Much As I Do - Request! Ben finds you dancing, is immediately very normal about it. Takes place after Chapter 14 and around Chapter 15. Calling Your Name - Ben's first birthday awake isn't great. Takes place in Chapter 19. ❤️‍🔥 I Skip My Pride - You share some music with Ben over text. Takes place in Chapter 22. The Only Place That I Call Home - It's team game night, and everyone is sick of you and Ben's shit. Takes place in Chapter 24. ❤️‍🔥 Can't Help Myself - Request! Ben has a breeding kink, and you're incredibly horny, so it works. Takes place in around Chapter 24 and Chapter 25. ❤️‍🔥 Anywhere Else Is Hollow - A halloween special episode! Takes place in Chapter 25. It Was Smiling Down - A Ryan pov Chapter. Takes place between Chapter 26 and Chapter 27. A Call To Motion - Request! There's a lot of things you're good at. Sex with Ben is one of them. Takes places in Chapter 28.❤️‍🔥 I Want You Only - You and Ben go shopping. Takes place in Chapter 28 ❤️‍🔥 I’ll Hold Your Hand - Request! You get your period, and Ben has to do his job and take care of that. Takes place post series.

[kismetlotts]

Kinktober 🎃 day nine: Cheating!

cw: cheating, dubcon, noncon, mentions on rape, open relationships? (Johnny and Simon share), rough sex, mentions of blood, mentions of saliva, fingering, oral sex on reader, bruising, voyeurism, ‘don’t get caught’ trope, ignorance, degrading names such as ‘whore’, vocal Simon, creampie, mentions of having a child

Simon and Johnny who are so used to sharing each other’s little toys: their own girlfriends. It’s a weird bond that brings the two of them together. It’s sick and fucking perverted but it’s something to talk about when the weather turns cold and on a mission.

Sipping on their drinks as they recharge their batteries mumbling a, 'Remember so and so?’ getting a ‘Yeah, they were a good fuck.' in response.

It was more than likely one of the reason why the two blokes struggled with keeping their girlfriends. Most of them rejecting and breaking up with them when they’d bring it up because what woman who was looking for a family, a life, love, would want to fuck their boyfriend’s best friend? Or be tampered with?

The two of them had grown a lot of respect and loyalty for each other from this little routine. A ridiculous amount when you put it against how much respect they gained from each other at war. Protecting one and others lives, killing for each other, just doesn't help the same than sharing some good pussy. Weird logic that not even they understood but with all said, they were tight, close.

So when Johnny got his hands on you, a pretty little thing that refused to fuck until the third date he knew not only was he in danger, but you were. He knew how much Simon would ruin you, take that precious little hole of yours and stuff you so deep you'd feel it for days. Johnny just fucking knew it would happen and when you'd finally let him inside, invited him into your heavenly cunt- he couldn’t let him steal you.

Too delicate and light for Simons heavy way with sex.

"So when's my turn?" The gruff, masked man would ask Johnny. Conversation of you being brought up and the words just tumbled from the cracks of his lips. Normality and need seeping through his tone because as it was such a statement in his and Johnny's relationship, he’d think no other way.

Not once would he even consider the possibility of Johnny turning around and refusing, saying no. Telling him that your pussy- your body- is just for him. Claiming you against his own kind. Barricading and locking you away from him in his designed cell of greed.

It wasn’t going to end well, Johnny was sure of it, so with an awkward laugh and the rub of his neck he spun around facing him, eyes catching Simons through the mask before clearing his throat. Words coming across shakier than intended because he wasn't intimidated by Simon, more fretful of what he’d do knowing that you were off limits.

"Actually, lass is a good' ne. Think she might be a keeper Si." Silence filling the room for about five seconds, the slow click of the clock on the wall the only audible thing. Simons gaze not changing once and it killed Johnny, bugged him harder than a kick to the teeth.

Everything about him yearning to know what Simons brain was thinking or what he was planning, wanting to reach out and shake him, beg him to back off. They were getting old now, it was bound to be called off at some point- when they properly wanted to settle down and have kids and a family, right?

"Oh really?" His accent and words a monotone warning but Johnny was so flushed with relief that he hadn’t exploded and raged at him, his ears missed it. Missed the way his blinks slowed, analysing the man in front of him. Missed the way Simons personally and mindset changed. New thoughts drowning his head so hard he forced out exhales to think straight. Did he think he was better than him? More deserving of your body than gruff ol’ Simon over here? Worthier?

He was fucking seething, the metallic taste in his mouth potent as he bit his tongue, refraining to tell Johnny to go fuck himself, stand up and find you. Go track you down and make you cry both of their names just so he can hear which one sounds better or which one turns him on more.

Moaning your boyfriend’s name so loudly while his friend hits that one part. Choking out, crying out for Mactavish as your eyes roll back, tongue drooping out the side of your lips too. He’d be a liar to say his dick wasn't twitching at the thought.

"Yeah, I'm so sorry Simon-" But he was already shaking his head, hand waving him off with a sly smirk on his face as he told him no worries! Told him that's its alright and that he completely understands. Barely moving an inch the rest of the night as he came up with plans on what he's going to do to you. What he did in fact do to you.

Face down in yours and Johnny’s double bed. Panties damp with your cum from how many times Simon had already made you orgasm, shirt wet with tears and saliva. Rubbing your clit so harshly and fast your body trembled at every little touch. The fine line between touching and fucking, abuse and rape being blurred but you craved it. You longed for it, days of wishing and wondering when he’d come back to please you again.

He’d force your legs apart, holding you by the ankles while he ate like a mad man. Devouring you messily, the noises sounding like a fucking porn movie. Ruining your makeup, your sheets, your body. You couldn’t look Johnny in the eye when he got on all fours, kissing your thigh and humming against the soft skin while asking how you’d got another bruise.

Day and night- when Johnny's downstairs and when he's away. He'd have you begging to stop, pleading him to let you go before you’d lose yourself. His thrusts silencing you, cries turning to moans back to cries to screams of joy- it was mesmerising and so fucking bad of him.

“Oh shut up, babe. You know you want me.” He’d grunt, eyes shutting as he took you in again and again. Eyebrows furrowed in annoyance and ignorance for your cries. Knowing it was only a matter of time before you gave in again, joining him and thrusting back against his cock.

What made it worse was the moans that came from this man. Johnny was never vocal- never vocal enough for you but Simon sounded almost in tears. Each thrust like he’s on the brink of orgasm, you felt so good he couldn’t stay quiet- he didn’t want to.

His favourite memory was when he snuck into your window, almost kicking the stupid Halloween decorations Johnny had put up outside on his way up. The sky pitch black and your bedroom likewise but he could see you in his night vision goggles, sneaking behind you as you changed out of your clothes getting ready for bed.

Bending you over the bedframe, peeling down your panties and thrusting into you for a quickie. The sound of Johnny's electric toothbrush coming from the bathroom one room away only adding to his excitement. He could step in any minute by now, luckily from the darkness Simon had an advantage and most likely enough time to hide if he wanted to. If he wanted to leave your pussy.

Gloved fingers slipped into your mouth for you to suck or bite. Anything to help silence your moans. It excited him the fact that Johnny could find him, Johnny could catch him and realise all this time he though you were safe and committed to him you’d gone behind his back. His precious little girl who actually is just a dirty whore. A dirty whore who lets her hole be used. By men she doesn’t even know.

He wonders what you do when Johnny brings him up in conversation, I mean, he figures you haven't spilt the beans to him yet so do you just laugh and nod on along? Hearing his name, acting like you don't know his touch or how his tongue feels. Pretending he's a stranger, just some stranger who's dick is drilled into your memory. He doesn't fuck like Johnny, he's bigger than him, hits all the places that Johnny can’t. You can never get Simon out of your mind.

Filling you up with his cum and laughing deeply at himself. He's got to be careful with it- what if you two were trying for a baby? That would be a shock, wouldn’t it? Gorgeous little kid coming out looking just like Simon- Simons eyes, Simons hair; a little mini Simon left all for you to raise.

Maybe Johnny would be too thick to realise, too slow to pick up on why his son looks so much like his best friend- that the son he’d always wanted actually belong to Simon. Oh fucking hell, he was a dark deluded arsehole- who thinks like this? Slipping back out of the window and shutting it the same time as Johnny walked into the room.

Large soft body crawling on top of you and pushing you further into the bed. Lips attacking your sensitive neck as his already hard cock slips its way inside of your warm, creampied folds. The darkness hiding all the evidence and leaving him to believe it’s just how wet you are for him. How needy and desperate you are for him.

Blissfully unaware that the wetness lubing his cock up, letting him fuck you with ease and making him feel so hot and so good, was no other than his best friends cum. Dribbling out your hole and onto your thigh as he picks up the pace.

[gamelpar]

echo leaves to join rex's clone network and the bad batch immediately loses the Marauder and gets stranded on a planet

then after they accidentally poked the hide of a cloned zillo beast one could figure it's safer to just stay put somewhere (pabu) and wait until echo comes back

boom new season and Echo is not there bc hunter and wrecker didn't wait around for him and rex to join them checking out a planet for omega and boy do they have a fun time almost getting eaten by Some Fucking Form Of Creature Oh God What The Hell as well as finding and adopting three (3) baby clones

echo drops off the squad at rex's then leaves to pick up gregor and comes back to the base on fire and empire throwing a hunting party because no one could spot the one (1) shadow guy entering and leaving through the front door like he was right there COME ON

echo is ABSENT AGAIN after that hellshow and what happens??? omega and crosshair chill out on pabu while hunter and wrecker spends the day in space florida almost getting eaten by space gators and being clowned by a very rude woman

s3e9 and echo is still NOT HERE and once again it shows he really took the only braincell with him leaving the bad batch with nothing but the mere Protective Big Brother Instincts to lead them which has them pick and lose a fight with the one and only asajj ventress, another rude woman who proceeds to clown them throughout the episode except it's 10x times more devastating

what's next??? right now i'm calling it echo is gone for five minutes for caf when he gets back the Marauder is blown to hell

why is it that whenever echo leaves everything goes hell

[percabethownsmybutt]

annabeth: i swear, i’m the only one here with a brain cell

grover and percy, bowing down: ALL HAIL KEEPER OF THE BRAIN CELL

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Fic things I will never have enough of/get over:

“Oh no, they’re hot.”

“Great, now there’s two of them.”

See above but with more swearing and feelings of dread and impending doom

BAMFs with swords

Old wise person causing 90% of the chaos

“They’ve never met in canon.” “Actually, they’re dating.”

“They’re mortal enemies.” “Actually, they’re married.”

The keeper of the braincell

Sharing one braincell but they lost it

The cinnamon roll goes feral

Tiny feral child and their supportive, enabling, non-parental background adults

“I’m your problem now”

“Welp, guess I’m a parent now”

Accidental world domination

Competence

Competence kink

Calmly sipping tea while everything behind them is on fire

Trying to be a good, supportive adult but you have no point of reference so you end up giving a sword to a ten-year-old

Time travel

Person A and person B start dating and when they tell everyone persons C-Q are confused because haven’t they been dating for like three years now and persons R-Z thought they were already married

*does something previously thought to be impossible* “What, like it’s hard?”

Platonic besties that will help hide the bodies

Fake dating

Accidental baby acquisition

Accidental baby acquisition but they’re a middle-aged to senior adult with like five thirty-something-year-olds that are now their children

Crossovers that shouldn’t work but do

“I need help” “I’ll grab the shovel” “Not that kind of help”

“I didn’t know where else to go.”

Well-written non-canon pairings for characters that have other firmly established canon pairings. Like, fully alters the entire story line non-canon pairings. But done in a way that feels like a reasonable possible outcome.

A protagonist with a million problems to solve still taking the time to be kind

Forehead kisses

Time traveller going apeshit and fixing everything preferably in as Mary-Sue a way as possible

OP character who is oblivious to the fact that they are indeed OP

Character who spouts off increasingly concerning details of their life while not realizing everyone else’s growing concern or the fact that they’re probably about to be mother-henned for the next decade

Character who chooses a parental figure and informs said parental figure of this new development with little to no forewarning

Strong, stoic character is actually the most chaotic one there

Everything in the chaotic portion of the alignment chart

Getting back at a bad guy in as petty a way as possible

Time travel with two or more time travellers who don’t realize they’re not the only time traveller

The guy everyone thinks is going to beat up all the bad guys sitting back and watching the person previously believed to be as strong as an uncooked noodle absolutely demolish them

Any situation where characters play hot potato with a position of great power. “Congrats, you’re king now.” “Not if you can’t catch me, I’m not.”

Unexpected language skills

Unexpected skills in general, particularly if they’re as niche as hell

Two extremely competent individuals who lose all brain cells when within a close proximity of each other

Fixing problems on accident

Fixing problems on accident while actively trying to cause problems on purpose

Surviving primarily due to spite