#;; also i finished writing the card i want to give to my partner and the way i was sitting here CRYING bc gosh i love him sm 😭😭

[kaerinio]

today has been such a wonderful day! i found out that the hackathon team i led has been moved to the next round, which means we're in the top 20! i had a fantastic session with my therapist! i went out to grab more supplies for the birthday party friday, and i think i now have everything!! i'm feelin' GOOD! 🥹 and i hope everyone is having a beautiful day!!! 💖💖💖

[winstonsns]

the gang with a soc!reader

authors note: sorry the last one was kind of all over the place. i tend to ramble when i write so ill try to stay more on topic this time. in this preference, you and the characters will already be a couple :3 im also wondering if people are clicking the hashtags then they see my posts?? so if that’s what’s happening and you can see my posts when you click the hashtags please tell me because i have no idea if it’s working LMAO

includes: ponyboy, johnny, darry, soda, dally, two-bit and steve

word count: 2.0k

warnings: mild cussing, mentions of fighting/getting jumped

PONYBOY CURTIS

you both are academic BEASTS so you’re somewhat rivals and trying to get to the top of the class

but you’re still together, it’s a healthy relationship

most of the time, you’ll actually walk him home from wherever you are since it’s safe for you to walk home on your own, but since he’s a greaser it’s not safe for him

when you met the gang they taught you how to fight in case some greasers or even some socs tried to fight you

by walking him home, you’ve actually prevented him from getting beat up

you like to take him out to get food or something he wants when he gets a good grade since he gets happy when they’re high

sometimes you’ll get lower grades than him and you two will study together, or reversed

you’ll get him a new book every time he finishes another one, by the end of the year he has a new shelf just filled with books you’ve given him

you occasionally read him to sleep when he’s having a hard time, or again reversed

he falls asleep pretty quickly when you do this and he really appreciates it

you always sit together during assemblies and choose to be each others partner in the classes you have together

if you don’t decide to do track one year you’ll go to his meets, and after you always take him out to eat since you’re proud

if he’s extra tired then he’ll ask to go home so you will

you learned how to cook so he can have big nice meals, along with baking chocolate cake when soda and darry aren’t there to make it

pony thinks you make it better than darry but will never tell him that

he really loves spending time with you and feels like you’re the first person besides johnny to really understand him

you made him think about socs in a different way too, in a good way

yall are just humans doing what you know best, some in different environments and had different parents with different parenting styles

you like to bring him to the best places in tulsa to watch the sunsets

you also get the best polaroids of the sunsets and the colors are so beautiful

JOHNNY CADE

as soon as he told the gang that he was dating someone they were excited for him, then they found out you were a soc

dally told him to break up with you without even knowing you, johnny told him to give you a chance

when johnny invited you to the curtis house to meet his friends, you brought presents for all of them since you wanted to make a good impression

you had your ways about finding what they like and don’t like

they immediately took a liking to you when you gave them presents and a kiss on johnnys cheek

you’d patch him up and give him bandaids to take home after getting beat up by socs or his parents

sometimes you’d give him money and he would use that money to get you something you’ve been wanting for a while

he’s always so thankful for everything you do for him and everything you give him

since your parents don’t really care about the differences between greasers and socs, they let johnny stay over since they know things are rough at home

sometimes they’ll take you and him out for dinner with them and you think it’s so cute

he was nervous your parents wouldn’t like him since most of the socs parents would think he’s gross

he’s always proud of you for naturally getting good grades and seeing the smile on your face when you get your report card

sometimes when he’s upset you two will cuddle in your bed or you’ll drive him to a restaurant or fast food place

he always feels bad about spending your money but you tell him not to feel bad about it since you have more

DARRY CURTIS

things got more financially stable when you came into his life

you’d help him pay groceries and the bills if he was struggling, you also helped around the house

sometimes he’ll wake up to the smell of bacon, waffles, eggs, etc and suddenly its like he doesn’t have to be the responsible one 24/7

having you in his life has improved everything, and his brothers are so thankful to have you there too

you’re like a mother to them and they’re comfortable enough to open up to you

sometimes you’ll ask him out on cute little dates randomly just so he can get a break of hard work

he’ll take the day off and get all dressed up since you told him you were taking him to a really fancy restaurant

occasionally you’ll get your nails done just for your dates and he always notices

you’ll ask him “which color is better” and he’ll say “aren’t they the same?” then you have to explain to him that one is darker than the other

he still doesn’t see the difference but chooses one anyway since he likes to see you happy

he’s literally so in love with you and how you’ll do romantic and domestic things for him

you’re so beautiful and perfect in his eyes, and sometimes he’ll stare at you and his brothers will tease him

he really loves being around you and having you by his side

you also helped him become calmer, that pony and soda have their own problems and darry yelling at them probably just makes them scared

he starts to actually communicate with them and you’ll give him gifts for completing or succeeding because why not

he’s always like “hon, you didn’t have to get me this…” but you can see he’s happy with whatever you give him

he just loves you so much and his brothers love you too but obviously not romantically

SODAPOP CURTIS

people actually think the both of you are socs, i mean they’re half right

they think soda is a soc since he’s so handsome and think you’re a soc because of your mannerisms and how you’re very beautiful

you’ll always visit him at the DX just to hang out with him

your parents love him and how he treats you so they also let him stay over at your house

sometimes when it’s sodas turn to get groceries from the store, you’ll go along with him

he just wants to be around you whenever he can

you’ll offer to pay for the groceries plus stuff he doesn’t need but instead wants

once he got a pimple and he freaked the fuck out

you bought him some cleanser, moisturizer, sunscreen and pimple patches

you taught him how to use them and when, and in which order to use them in

his pimple went away in a few days

since you’re so smart and get good grades, you’ll help pony with his homework sometimes

soda will stare at you helping him from far away, he thinks it’s adorable that you two are bonding

when the two of you are in your room, you’ll play frank sinatra and the little dippers while having a home-date with sweets :3

you two have so much fun and he even opens up to you about his problems

you offer to get him a therapist but he says it’s that bad, you tell him to talk to you if he wants to talk about it again

he legit treats you like a princess and you love it

yall are the most attractive couple EVER no one can tell if they wanna be you or be with you

DALLAS WINSTON

when he realized he liked you he knew he had to protect you with his life

he needed a break from loud and annoying girls, then he found you

you could get quiet at times and you weren’t constantly screaming and acting like an annoying 12 year old boy

you got him to steal less since you could pay for things on your own

he didn’t really listen and still stole money from other people so he could get you things

whenever he got put in prison you could always bail him out due to the money you have

if he had to serve time then you’d give him money so he could spend it and get necessities

you’ll also make diy crafts for him on your guys anniversary and his birthday

he brings you to meetups with the gang, and they love you being there with him

you spoil him rotten and he loves it

makes him feel like a princess, weirdly enough

he’ll steal money to spoil you too, pays for your nails sometimes

you told him you wanted specific flowers once and he got you flowers sometime the next week, he acted nonchalant about it but he loved the happy look on your face

TWO-BIT MATTHEWS

sometimes you’re quiet but he always finds a way to bring you to tears after laughing so hard

he’s literally the funniest person you’ve ever met

he never really expected a soc to get so loud since they were normally reserved and didn’t talk to many people

anyway you brought him to fucking disneyland once and he LOVED it

you booked a hotel and everything so yall saw mickey mouse

two-bit kinda laughed at him but he seemed happy so he didn’t care

he loves traveling with you and brags about it to the gang all the time

they say it’s cool then act like they don’t care but they’re kinda jealous he gets all that stuff

they’re happy for him though

sometimes you’ll get him little mickey figurines and he’ll put them on his nightstand, sometimes even carry it with him if it’s a keychain

he never would’ve expected a soc to be so nice to someone like him

he’s really glad that you love him and you show it

STEVE RANDLE

before you two started dating he tried to avoid you at all costs

he kinda thought you’d beat up him and his friends so he just stayed away from you

anyway when you guys started dating you’d drive him to the DX

you’d give him tips just for fun even if you didn’t buy anything from him

you’d buy him all sorts of little trinkets and such just so he’d have something to mess around with

i don’t have a lot of knowledge on him bro pls bear with me LMAO

he’s almost always with soda so you kind of became his best friend naturally

you’ll buy steve food on his breaks and drive him to restaurants or fast food places and you’ll eat on a bench or in a field together

you talk about some shit that happened at work while he listens

he’ll occasionally get you some food since he knows you like sweets

then you repay him with something he’s wanted for a while that he’s been asking for

whether it’s a book or food or a trinket idk

he loves you so much and is glad soda gets along with you so well

sorry this one’s shorter! i’ll try to make the preference longer next time. i’m gonna try to post at least twice per week but if im feeling good ill try to post more 💗 thank you for reading!

[planned-obsolescence]

god-tier sydcarmy fics

no one asked but i'm suddenly overcome with gratitude that fic writers just drop these gems for FREE. we are so lucky. these are the ones i constantly reread because they make me feel so much.

all of these are rated M or E because if they ain't fuckin, i ain't reading.

five times at a simmer; once boiling over by seh28 my kink? emotional intimacy. that's what these two need more than any bullshit stars. this fic serves it up like it's a floor donut and i'm carmy straight up eating that shit.

friends, partners, and intimates by sashafiercer i'm always here for it when syd gives carmy what he deserves. and i'm DEFINITELY here for it when the dialogue between the two is so on point it gives me whiplash. written by an all time 🐐.

forget about your house of cards by minecrafter42 i love reading about how carmy can't get it together in sydney's presence. this fic presents their dynamic so viscerally that the slow burn is more like a slow simmer. i needed a cigarette after i finished this one.

temper, temper by malariamonsters have you ever read anything so beautiful it made you cry? yeah, this fic. it's at the top of the tag for a reason because it captures carmy's consuming love for syd so perfectly. i want to live inside this fic.

child with a child pretending by emilybrontay sydney has a baby before she starts working at the beef, and carmy knows what bluey is. i'm done. i am very picky when it comes to stories set in sydney's POV (my girl is a complex masterpiece, you better get her right), and this is one of the greatest, most thoughtful.

Mise En Place by badcircuit love fics that present syd and carmy as partners in every sense of the word. beautifully written, hot as fuck. another one that gets syd right. again, i take portrayals of my girl so seriously and this one is gorg.

Take Care by oysterknife oh boy. this one literally came out last week but i already read it upwards of 10 times. i will read anything oysterknife writes but GODDAMN. this one changed my brain chemistry with the emotional intimacy between the two. i love longing and yearning and this one is like a masterclass in it. the literary references made me kick my feet and giggle. as a brooklyn girlie, THIS is the nyc i wanna see: flushing, crown heights, greenpoint minus the condos, shitting on the residents of murray hill, i want it all. also the ending made me sob. not joking.

[ohmyamor]

ateez as college bfs during finals

it's my finals week and head hurty but crazy form good hnngjdnjgnjdf

hongjoong

will help you study but only if you bribe him a little

it's not that he wants to see you fail

he definitely does not want that

but at the same time

you would most likely do just fine studying on your own

he has a sneaking suspicion you just want to bother him

it's not until you bring out the "I'll do whatever you want for the next two weeks" that he's quick to agree

would he use this promise to his advantage? absolutely

hongjoong would help you study but then once you pass (you'd definitely pass with his help), he'd be quick to make you buy him food or pass him the blanket that is literal inches away from him

if you want to pass, you could also guilt trip him into helping you study by saying you'll just go to your TA

who's a man..

your same age...

hongjoong is real quick to whip out the flash cards after that

unless you give him a hard time, then he'll personally take you to the TA's room himself

7/10- would help you study but is all the work he would make you do after worth it?

debatable

seonghwa

absolute king

would drop everything to help you in the blink of an eye

he's got the studying playlists on youtube

anything you want to listen to, he's got it

lofi? yup. asmr? check. dark academia aesthetic? absolutely

color coded notes, flashcards, practice quizzes up and running

can seem a bit overwhelming at first but seonghwa gives me the vibes that he would just know you so well

and therefore he would know what type of studying or work environment you thrive in

and you're his baby, he wants to see you succeed :((

if you ever get frustrated or overwhelmed, seonghwa would 100% have your favorite drink and snack ready

some coffee to stay awake? whatever u need, some tea to relax? bet, he's got the honey and everything

your number 1 hype man frfr

10/10 need him in my life

yunho

honestly, also really good to have around during finals

strikes me as the type of bf to kind of sit with you and also silently work alongside you so you don't feel lonely

does that thing when you're writing a paper or smth and you look up to think of the word you want to use and the two of you make eye contact and he'll send you a wink and a big smile

little motivations yaknow

would also definitely use the pomodoro method

has a timer on his phone for every 45 minutes and when the time is up he'll gently shut your computer and grab your hands and just chat

would be the best person to bounce ideas of off

"yuyu, should I say this or this?"

and he would give genuine feedback

if you need help studying for an exam, yunho might not know all the answers but you can bet he would be right there with you watching videos of people working out the problems

gives you little high fives when you both get it

9/10 might get occasionally distracted by his beautiful blinding smiles but honestly a pretty solid study partner

yeosang

mans is just there to vibe and honestly same

i dont wanna say he has absolutely no clue what's going on

because he does listen to you and he does pay attention when you talk about your classes

but at the same time, he doesn't really give me the vibes he would be as great at studying as some of the others

more there for moral and emotional support than anything

might feel bad he can't be of more help so he tries his best to listen to your lectures if you're at home, but man, it sounds like a different language somebody save him

would definitely make sure you're eating and resting well though

"sweetheart I think it's time to take a break"

"yeosang I just need to finish a few more problems :("

"you can do it after you eat something, it'll be easier to finish with a clear head and a full tummy"

crying screaming throwing up

would otherwise leave you to your devices tbh

doesn't want to distract you but also doesn't want you to be completely alone in case you forget to take care of yourself

8/10 man is doing his absolute best and we love him for it

san

honestly this could go one of two ways

he could either be the most serious, hella studious mf you've ever met

or he could be the most unserious, menacing bitch you've ever met

it all depends on his mood

serious san is in the mf ZONE

he's got the glasses on, he has his notes out, comfy sweater and gray sweats ON

ready to give you a mom look every time you get distracted

at one point you'd probably try to play footsies with him and he just kinda stares at you over the top of his glasses with one eyebrow raised and you just slowly return your gaze to your work

that being said

glasses ON, sweats ON, absolute fucking menace

teasing you fs

maybe not even like in a sexual manner, just tickling you and cracking stupid jokes because he wants your attention

WILL kiss your neck and tell you "you're so smart baby, you're going to pass no matter what"

your will power needs to be better than the lords because LORD

what san wants, san gets that's all imma say

5/10 you don't know what you're gonna get and it's scary

mingi

im tired of the mingi is dumb allegations

mans is smart as hell, not only in math but also the amount of lyrics and songs he helps to produce??

studious mingi is one hell of a study partner

it might be a little bit of a learning curve at first, especially if you're the type of person to want to chat or bounce your ideas off of someone while you're working

mingi gives me the vibes that he would be dead serious and focused while working

so it might be a little intimidating at first

you look up to ask a question and he's sitting there, eyebrows furrowed and fingers flying across the keyboard

and you're like damn i don't want to disturb him so you swallow your question and move your eyes back to your work

but mingi is also very observant, so he definitely notices that

"what's up baby?"

"mmmm nothing" you mumble, trying to figure out this particular problem

he'll shut his laptop off and scoot closer to you

wordlessly helps you figure out whatever it is you're working on before giving you a small kiss to your forehead and moving on

8/10 he can be the stem major to my humanities major

wooyoung

let's be fr, not the best study partner you could ask for

love wooyoung with all my heart but mans gets distracted easy as hell

has probably tried the pomodoro method but it just doesn't work for him

sitting for longer periods of times just makes him antsy yk

i get the feeling he'd be the type of person to get one of those moving desks that goes up and down and then puts a treadmill or smth under it because he needs to be moving or else he'll get very distracted

do NOT take this man to a cafe to work, he will do everything but study

especially with the people watching

"babe look at that guy over there, his shoelace is untied"

"that girl's shirt tag is sticking out, should I say something"

"the barista spilled that woman's drink"

if you're okay with background noise, it probably wouldn't be too bad....

until he starts wanting attention and now he's playing footsies with YOU

"woo, babe, I really need to finish this, it's due tomorrow"

"so you don't love me is what you're saying"

and now two hours have passed and you only have half of an assignment done

will buy you food and/or coffee to make up for it

"sorry for distracting you, you don't need a degree, your ass is great"

3/10

jongho

scary

scary studying man

has everything organized to a T, do NOT touch his notes unless you're okay with dealing with the 3 days of silent treatment afterwards

im jk

maybe...

no but fr, jongho takes studying seriously

if you ask him for help, he would probably be the best bet besides seonghwa or yunho

but this shit is like boot camp, okay? so be prepared

no fooling around on jongho's watch

you want to pass, guess what baby, you're gonna PASS

does that thing where if you're not getting something, he might not explain it to you, just re-asks the question louder

"what's 3 + 4?"

"6"

*sighs* "WHAT'S 3 + 4?!"

or might just stare at you blankly when you try to joke around

mans acts like he's training future CIA members or something

once you do finish studying he's back to regularly scheduled bear bf but studying??

only for the strongest soldiers

6/10

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[ejlovesvi]

omg hii i was wondering if you could do a johanna mason nsfw alphabet??

note: hi!! thank you for the request! this is my first time writing a nsfw work so i hope its good enough to at least be enjoyable. don’t be afraid to request more!

JOHANNA MASON NSFW ALPHABET

pairing: johanna mason x fem!reader

warnings: nsfw

masterlist

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

i think aftercare would be something she low key looks forward to but it would be hard for her to admit it because she’s stubborn. she’d probably just lay next to you and drape an arm over your waist and lay there until you convince her to take a shower with you to wash off. after some whining she gives in. she just wants to hold you in silence and feel comfort in her ability to be vulnerable with you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

she definitely likes her mouth because she knows how to use it *wink wink* but she also likes how good it can make you feel. (you also like it because it shuts her up in a moment of her being cocky)

for you i think she lovesss your tits. like this girl will stare at them shamelessly for minutes. doesn’t matter if your in public or just at home, she has no shame when it comes to you. she also loves grabbing them during intimate moments…

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

i think when ya’ll first started experimenting she’d be a bit shy about bodily fluids. like when you’d finish she’d kinda just be done and over with it. but after a while she’d get comfortable enough to say “fuck it” and slurp up any of your left overs.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

i think she’d wanna eat you out on the kitchen table. like she just randomly thinks about it throughout the day. plus, it’s only you two living together, so who’d walk in?? no one.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

before you she wasn’t experienced that much. i think the most she’d know is how to make-out and fingering (from doing it to herself). but after you take each others v-card she’s acting like the most experienced person ever.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

i think mainly missionary because she just loves being close to you and feeling safe, especially in such a vulnerable and intimate moment. but i also think she’d like cowgirl.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

she can definitely get a bit goofy. especially since it’s with you because she can be herself with you. definitely happens in the case that you two accidentally bump heads together.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

i feel like she doesn’t feel the need to shave because it’s body hair. her philosophy is “why should i shave if it’ll grow back anyway?” she’d also get annoyed at how itchy it would get after shaving. she also literally would not care about you shaving or having body hair.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

she’d get very intimate. i think at some points it would get so intimate that she starts crying because of how loved and good she feels without it being forced. (thanks to the repercussions of winning the hunger games ☹️)

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

she’d do it if your away for long enough. or if she’s really frustrated or bored and you aren’t around to help her. i feel like she’d just use her hands instead of using toys.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

definitely being praised. her knowing how good she’s making you feel would make her so turned on. she loves validation from you.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

mostly bed because it’s comfortable and the most ideal place. but she’d also be okay with doing it in the shower and or in the kitchen if she’s feeling frisky enough.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

when you stand up for her against assholes. alsoooo you walking around the house with just a shirt and panties on. she feels like a dog in heat when she sees you in just those two clothing articles.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

hurting you in any way. she would start to get flash backs of the games and would immediately start to get too emotional and feel icky. she just wants to make love to you.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

i feel like she’d give more than receive just because of how cocky she is with her mouth. but when she receives… it’s amazing. she’s whimpering, practically pulling your hair out of your scalp, etc. she definitely loves giving but loves receiving even more deep down.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

i think she prefers to be more slow and sensual because it gives her time to look at you and make you feel loved/make her also feel loved. but if she’s feeling horny enough she’ll speed up her pace and go rougher than usual.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

she’d do them if it’s the only amount of time she is available to but otherwise she doesn’t care for them. she’d rather take her time with you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

i think she hates risks. especially when it comes to the capitol. she doesn’t want the possibility of you being exposed to the capitol’s creepy eyes. she wants you to herself, safe in her sight and hers only.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

max for 4 rounds but after that she gets tired and gets scared of overstimulating you too much to the point of hurting you. but if both of you are up for it then she definitely can do 4 rounds.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

i think she’d own a strap and vibrator but that’s really it. she doesn’t use them on herself much but she definitely will on you.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

she loves to tease you because it boosts her ego and makes her feel powerful.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

she’d just grunt if she’s being more dom but the second she gets into the sub zone she’s whimpering, moaning, shrieking, all of it. she can’t hold back.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

i think she loves to sub because she feels cared for and she gets all the attention on her. she definitely loves feeling seen and cared for.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

idkkkkk

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

she’s not horny every minute obvi but when you’re looking good/if she gets in her head enough she definitely becomes a horn dog. i’d say she can do it every other night because it’s sometimes just something you guys do to end the night before you get ready for bed. plus it makes both of you feel good.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

she’s definitely sleepy after putting in good effort but won’t fall asleep until aftercare is finished and she knows you feel all good and comfortable afterwards. then she’s sleeping like a baby.

[that-birdy-chick]

So I finished season 6 a couple days ago and I wanted to order my feelings a bit before writing something here, but-

what the ever loving FUCK were the last 5 minutes of this finale??

Like this was genuinely such a good ending to the season, after all their ups and downs and the fighting in the episode before, Danny finally gets a chance to be badass, safes the day and his Steve TWICE and it would have been so easy to have this be the moment they finally FINALLY have a heart to heart and air out some of whatever the fuck has been going on between them since season 5

Danny risked his life and his kids growing up without a father (which the show has established multiple times, is his WORST fear), chases down the people who hurt his partner with a broken rib, then turns around and gives Steve his freaking LIVER without batting an eye and -

No one gives A SHIT???

Like I loved all the moments the team had sharing who Steve is to them and how important he is to them but than you have hartcut to Danny in a bed, being treated like he's invisible, no cards, no gifts, and I know it's supposed to be funny but I'm sorry where is the joke?

And Steve's response to ALL that is "HAHA Danny one day you're kids will hate you as much as I do"???

Like WHAT?!

WHO ARE YOU?

Steve, no matter how sky high on drugs he may be, would NOT, under any circumstances, say something like that

Also to have this after the fucking "darling, stand by me" montage made it look so much like a last minute "no homo" slap, that went a bit to far

just WTF

What were the writers thinking??

Or am I overreacting? Did everyone else find this funny?

[samuelsdean]

You'll Always Have Me

pairing: javier peña x reader

summary: something about peña unsettles you. he has embedded into you so deeply that even though you keep saying his business isn’t your business, you end up following him. wherever he strays, you follow.

genre: fluff (& angst if you squint real hard)

word count: 1.3k

author's notes: hello! this is my first time writing for somebody else aside from spencer reid so i'm pretty excited about it. also, there's a taylor swift reference which i couldn’t help but add lol. anyway, i hope you'll love reading this!

YOU'D LIKE TO THINK YOU WERE IMMUNE FROM WORRYING OVER YOUR PERPETUALLY DEVIL-MAY-CARE PARTNER, JAVIER PEÑA. But, despite the countless bickering and borderline immature back-and-forth pranks between the two of you, you do care about the man, as much as you hate to admit it.

Unfortunately for you, Murphy, your other partner, knows that fact even though you've never said anything regarding the issue. It was as if being in a happy marriage gave the man a sixth sense or something. He knew that despite the disagreements, a part of you felt for Javier.

And so when Peña was rushing to get his leather jacket on and placing his gun in its holster, claiming another informant had vital information regarding the cartel, Murphy was quick to shoot you a look. The look saying, "Are you gonna let that impulsive dumbass meet with a sketchy informant alone?"

You groaned inwardly. You hate Murphy and his sixth sense. You decided right then and there, that you'd give him a piece of your mind once you're done making sure Javier wasn't endangering himself.

You headed to the parking area as soon as you could, knowing Javier he'd be off to God knows where in a minute. It seemed to be your lucky day because Javier hadn't left the area yet, preoccupied with a call, you deduced. Meticulously, you tiptoed toward the passenger side opened the door as gently as you could, and buckled the seatbelt before Javier finished whatever call he was on.

"Jesus, fuck!" Javier exclaimed. "What the fuck are you doing here? Get out!"

You merely raised one perfectly made brow at the man. "For a DEA agent, you scare real easy, Peña," You mocked. "You sure this is the right job for you?"

At this, Javier rolled his eyes and sighed. "I don't have time for your bullshit, Cariño," He emphasized the endearment, knowing you hated it especially when it came out of his mouth. "I have an informant waiting for me. Now, get out."

"No."

"What?" Javier scowled. "What do you mean no? Get out! I don't have time for this."

"No, I'm not getting out," You matched the scowl adorning his face. "I'm coming with, and besides, knowing you? You're probably meeting with an informant." You stressed the last word.

You hate using that card because it wasn't like it was any of your business whom Javier was sleeping with. It wasn't but you can't help it. It's not like it should matter to you even if Javier was taking an informant to bed. Because despite his reputation, Peña gets the job done. You need to get the upper hand if you want Javier to take you with him.

“Fine,” He conceded, tired of arguing with you. “And for your information, I wasn’t meeting Gabriela. If I ever did meet with someone I slept with, it wouldn’t be during office hours. I’m not that depraved.”

You merely scoffed, blatantly ignoring the small twitch you felt deep inside hearing another woman’s name come out of his mouth. You don’t care. You never did.

Javier buckled in and started backing out of his parking spot, one hand placed behind your headrest. You glanced at the man beside you who was focused on his task. You get why women would flock over Javier. He was attractive. He had dark locks that slightly curl at the ends, a crooked nose that shouldn’t look as pretty as it does but it makes sense on his face, full, pink lips, and golden skin. Calling him beautiful would be selling him short. Javier Peña was beautiful, so to speak. Distracted by the thoughts of your partner’s pretty face, you didn’t notice he was now driving on the street, looking concerned at you spaced out.

“If you keep looking at me like that, sweetheart,” Javier broke the silence. “I’d start thinking you’re in love with me or something.” The man chuckled at his quip to which you responded with an eye roll.

“I’d rather shoot myself in the leg than be in love with you, Peña.” You uttered sarcastically while Javier only chuckled. “I honestly don’t understand why women fall at your feet. You’re average.”

This seemed to offend Peña who raised one brow. “Right. Keep telling yourself that, laughed. “Anyway, it’s usually Murphy who’s up my ass bothering me. Why are you here?”

“Technically, I’m also your partner,” You replied. “I can accompany you whenever I want.”

Javier frowned, unconvinced by your proclamation. It was true what he said though. Despite being partners with him, you made it your job to avoid him at all costs unless necessary. He was a magnet for trouble and you were a stickler for rules—or that’s what you’d like to think. Going after narcoterrorists have pushed you and everyone else chasing after them to do something you never thought of doing when you first signed up for this job.

But it is what it is.

However, something about Peña unsettles you. For some reason, he gets under your skin as no one has ever done—no matter what you do, you just can’t shake him off. He has embedded into you so deeply that even though you keep saying his business isn’t your business, you end up following him. Wherever he strays, you follow.

“Okay, fine,” You gave up, kind of.

He won’t know if you’re lying, right? It’s not like he’d go up to your boss and ask her about her “orders”. Right?

“Messina told me to go with you. You keep getting yourself into some shit that you can’t pull yourself out of on your own. Plus, if it was Murphy who came with you, he’d get dragged in. Messina thinks I’m the only one stubborn enough to go against you.”

It was both the truth and a lie. Messina would most definitely say something like that as Javier and Steve were like two peas in a pod. But it was also a lie. You’d go after Javier, you just pretend you wouldn’t.

“Right,” He mumbled.

You stared out the window.

A few minutes later, it seemed you had arrived where Javier was meeting up with this informant. Unbuckling your seatbelt, you were about to step out of the vehicle when Javier held your wrist.

"Stay here," He instructed. "He might get aggressive. I never told him I was bringing someone with me."

"I can take care of myself just fine."

Javier rolled his eyes and sighed. "I know that, but please. Stay here."

"Fine!" You raised your hands in surrender. "But the moment I feel something's wrong, I'm following you. Got it?"

Javier stared at you wordlessly.

"Why'd you always have to be everywhere I am?" He queried. "It's like no matter where I look, you're always there tagging along."

You gulped as Javier raised his brow at you.

"Well, someone's gotta save your ass," You stated, crossing your arms to appear assertive. "You always get into so much trouble. Someone has to save you if something goes wrong."

"And that someone's you?"

"Yeah, that's me," You murmured. "You'll always have me. I-I mean I'll always have your back 'cause we're partners. That's what partners do. I'm your partner."

You looked out the window, avoiding his stare. You were certain Javier was smirking at you now.

"I know that partner," Javier retorted. "You'll always have me too."

You turned to look at him in shock, a pink hue dusting your cheek. Javier simply laughed at your blatant show of bashfulness and flicked your nose.

"You're cute," He chuckled as you gasped, ready to deny what he just said. "But I gotta go. Stay here. I'll call you when I need your help."

He quickly shut the door and ran toward where he was meeting his informant to avoid your scolding.

"Get back here in one piece, Peña!" You screeched at him. "I have so much to yell at you, you prick!"

Javier merely saluted at you mockingly and winked.

The nerve!

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

Yuuribois meeting the listeners weird younger brother Headcanons?😗

Scenario: The boys had been noticing the listener had been on edge lately and when they told them their 15yo brother was coming to visit and that they hadn’t seen him in person for around 3 years or so, they were..kinda excited. The listener had been receiving packages and cards with gifts from their brother and couldn’t wait to meet the little guy. Til he got there. He was for starters short asf, was kinda goth, trad makeup and all and collected trinkets and scraps. Very sweet tho.

Sweet, but weird younger brother.

For a different spin Finn, Faust and Auron will be in this one! If you do want more plz request!

Kinda forgor the weird factor but this was still fun to write!

You were happy that your younger brother was visiting, really. But letters couldn't give you the real him. Not like if you were there actually being there as he morphed into his own person. The trinkets and gifts he sent made you smile and waiting for the next letter.

Your partner saw the anxiousness of wanting to meet him. As the days grew closer the anxious feeling turned to giddiness as you thought of what your brother looked like now. To be far three years can change a lot, you do wonder if he grew even a bit?

The doorbell than rang, jumping up you rushed to it. Your partner right behind you, also wanting to see the younger brother you were worked up over. Seeing him finally for the first time in a while warmed your heart.

He was short still, with a goth aesthetic, trad makeup, and a gift bag in his hands. Smiling wide you greeted them along with your partner.

Finn

"Hi, I'm Finn. Nice to meet you! My Sunflower has told me a lot about you."

Greeting his partner's younger brother Finn asked if he wanted any drink or food.

The boy shook his head and greeted him back. Then pulled a trinket out of his bag he was holding.

Finn gasped as he saw the beautiful jeweled flower broch. Thanking the young man he then went to put it somewhere safe.

After that he listened as the two siblings reconnected together. Adding his input a few times but mostly staying silent. He didn't want to interrupted their bonding time.

When the two finished your younger brother asked him about flowers since you told him about Talk Floral.

Finn was happy to talk or ramble on the subject. Giving random facts and trivia Finn learned his favorite flower.

In all it was nice meeting your brother! He was glad he got the gift and you got to spent time with him. Finn hopes that the next meet up is soon so he can show off his garden and flower shop!

Faust

"Hey, I'm Faust. Love your outfit! Where'd you get the belt, been meaning to get a new one."

Was 10000% worried he wouldn't be able to find anything in common.

The goth aesthetic he had threw him off. Reminding him of his brothers phase.

He was racking his brain on what the two of them could talk about. He didn't know if the boy liked games or maybe fashion?

The gift Faust was given was a pretty set of moon earings. Putting them away in a jewlery box he felt a ping of jealousy.

Seeing you connect made him want to try with Auron. But that bridge was burnt...Shaking his head he joined back into the conversation.

Both of them talked about anesthetic and thrift shopping. He was glad they could talk about something together.

In all Faust was glad you had a strong bond with your younger brother still. Maybe next time he comes over you three can play a multi people video game?

Auron

"Hello, I'm Auron. Welcome, I hope your ride was nice."

The outfit made him smile, also get war flashbacks to his goth phase. The makeup looked really sharp too.

As you let your brother in Auron asked if he wanted anything. Your younger brother said no thank you so the three of you were just sitting.

The bag he was holding he gave Auron a leather note book he found. The red head thanked him and to give you both time to bond left to put it away.

Thinking to himself he was glad you were able to bond with your younger brother. Auron felt a ping of yearning in his heart, the red head thought of an annoying blue headed man.

Shaking it off he came back and listened to the two of you catch up. Your brother even talked about some writing he was doing, bc there was a peom slam at a goth convention.

Reading one out Auron gave him a few pointers. Your brother happy to finally get some real critique asked for more.

It was nice seeing your brother be comfy in your presence and Auron's. The red head did have doubts of him liking the older man. But after your younger brother left was happy with the cinverstatu9m he had with the young man.

[reverie-starlight]

IF YOU DO NOT GIVE ME THE SOFTEST OF THOUGHTS IN -6 SECONDS IM CALLING THE FIRE DEPARTMENT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL NOR A THREAT, BUT A PROMISE 😡🩷🤲🏻

AGNSKCBGKS OKAY!!!! SOME SUPER QUICK SOFT THOUGHTS 4 U!!!! DON'T CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!!!

also this is… very unedited and might have a few mistakes!! so many apologies, I hope you don’t hate it!!

(with todoroki bc he's all that's been on my mind since I restarted bnha from the beginning)

gn!reader, pro!reader, lots of fluff. this went from super rambly in the beginning to more of a mini fic by the end. also, my first time writing for todoroki, so I’m testing out how I write him with this! this got just a hair suggestive at the end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

okay so immediately my mind went to making breakfast with him early in the morning. (for the sake of this scenario, you're both pros)

let's say you both have a day off and you're so excited to actually be able to spend time together while you're both conscious apart from the quick goodbye kisses before you head to your agencies and the minutes before drifting into the few hours of sleep you get in between shifts (if you’re lucky to even be in bed at the same time).

todoroki had always been an early riser by choice, and normally on his days off he would sleep in (only by an hour), but he was so excited to actually have the day with you that he managed to convince you to wake up early with him (something you'd never agree to on a day off if you weren't as excited as him) to maximize time together <3

so it leads to him pulling a very sleepy partner out of bed and into the washroom so you can brush your teeth together. you make quiet conversation about your dreams while he supports your body weight as you lean on him and he presses small kisses against the back of your head while you wash your face.

then it's time for breakfast and you're getting the pans ready while he gets the ingredients. the sun isn't even fully up yet and your voices are soft, both of you afraid to disrupt the peaceful atmosphere.

sleepy kisses are exchanged, sweet whispers of I love you are promised. he’s picking you up and placing you on the counter since he’s just barely more awake than you are, and he’s finishing up the food while you take a little power nap against him. he doesn’t hold it against you because he knows you’re exhausted.

it’s a struggle not to burn the food since one of his hands is occupied with being wrapped around your waist and rubbing your back soothingly while you drift in and out of consciousness, but he manages.

you wake up just in time to help him plate the food, and soon enough you’re enjoying your meal, legs intertwined under the table, hands clasped together on top of it.

(side note but one thing about todoroki is that he would so totally be clingy with his partner after he gets completely comfortable, but especially if they’ve had to spend a long time apart from each other, so he would be all over you on a shared day off.)

he occasionally brings your hand up to his mouth to press kisses to the back of it and you rub your thumb over his in return. then after breakfast you’re cuddling on the couch, he’s laying on top of you with his cheek smushed against your chest as you card your fingers through his hair and making sure neither of you get too warm with his quirk.

“we really needed this,” you state. everything about the day had been quiet, calm, peaceful and your voice did nothing to change that.

todoroki nods. “mhm. missed you so much this month.”

right. it had been a whole month of your insane schedule.

“I missed you too, baby… I don’t know how we managed a whole month like this, that has to be some sort of record for us.”

he snorts. “yeah, I think so too. but let’s not talk about it right now. I want to focus on our time together, not apart.”

you smile and press a kiss to his head. “you’re right. let’s just relax for the day and catch up on some much deserved quality time.”

so you do- you cherish your time together, talking about nothing, just enjoying the comforting sound of each other’s voices. you’re both still sleepy, but it’s less because of exhaustion and more because of relaxation.

but an hour later you get a text from momo that wakes you both up pretty quickly and results in more playful affection (as playful as todoroki could be, anyway).

you check the text and sigh. todoroki looks up at you in worry. “if it’s midoriya, tell him I fled the country.”

you let out a snort and pull your phone away from your face to look at him. “and why would I do that?”

he nuzzles his face further into your chest. “because he knows it’s my day off and he might be asking if we want to hang out with him.”

you roll your eyes affectionately and unlock your phone again to read momo’s text. “well lucky for you, it’s not him, but unlucky for both of us, it’s momo asking the same thing.”

he peeks up at you for a second before face planting into you again. “…tell her we fled the country.”

you giggle and flick him on the forehead, feeling him smile against you. “I’m not telling any of our friends we fled the country, my love.”

“then can you please tell her we’re busy today? I don’t want to see anyone but you.”

you decide to tease him a little bit. “I dunno… she says she just wants to drop something off for us and she’ll be quick.”

he groans and pokes you in the side. “my love, with the two of you involved, a visit is never quick.”

you gasp, pretending to be offended, even though you know it’s true. “is it so wrong that I like to spend time with my best friend?”

he pushes himself off of you and holds himself up by his forearms, placed near your head and raises an eyebrow. “is it so wrong that I want to spend time with my dear, completely innocent, never teasing partner?”

you shoot a childish grin up at him and he sighs, his eyes growing soft. “please tell her we’re busy today?”

you lean up to give him a quick peck. “I told her we couldn’t before I even mentioned that she texted, my love.”

wrapping your arms around his neck, you pull him down to properly kiss him. “besides, I want to spend the day with you, too. do you think I got up early on my day off because I wanted to get the worm?”

he blinks at you. “what worm?”

you stare up at him. “have you never heard that saying? the early bird gets the worm?”

“oh, that’s what you meant. I thought we had a worm problem.”

“why would we have a worm problem?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I asked you.”

“Shoto- oh. you’re messing with me.”

he hums and presses soft kisses along your cheeks and down your neck. “payback.”

you sigh in content, tilting your head a little and continue caressing his hair. “you got me.”

he smiles down at you and you try to take a mental picture to remember it forever. his messy hair, a rare full smile and a small blush as he admires you from above. the moment was perfect.

you continue to stare at each other for a few moments, just savouring each other’s company. his hands are trailing gently over your body, and just when you think you’re about to go somewhere with him, your phone goes off again. a certain warmth settles in your chest as he checks it for you and huffs out a laugh.

“It’s midoriya, he’s asking if we’re free, too.”

you take your phone back and toss it onto the chair across from the sofa you’re both laying on, pulling him back down for another kiss, this one slightly more heated. “he can wait for a response, we’re busy.”

your boyfriend just chuckles and lets you pull him down, happy that you’re still on the same page about catching up on quality time.

safe to say that midoriya never ended up getting an answer to his text. thank goodness you had read receipts turned off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you enjoyed!!

[the-s1lly-corner]

Flirting with Ragatha

gonna write this then imma take a break because someone hit me with the "the bits in your thighs are going to ache for no reason" spell + i need to make breakfast </3 i think i might make some posts and que them since i got a lot of art wips i need to get finished and im kind of struggling between bouncing doing art and writing... on one hand que posts will let me have that unbroken focus on my art since i wont have to worry about juggling blogs... but on the other hand writing helps my brain... hmmm... and i also run the risk of forgetting to put something in the masterlist... i think i might try it just for today, after i stretch my legs and eat ill write up a post or two and schedule it to come out in a few hours

i think she would like classic romantic gestures such as being given roses or sweets...

i guess titling these posts as flirting isnt accurate since its generally just what gets them flustered rather than pick up lines and verbal flirting.. unless its the same thing.. shrugs

keeps a vase in her room specifically for the flowers you give her, if this is a real world au she keeps the vase in a main living area instead!

hold her hand while you guys walk, swing it a little. something that small is going to get her all soft and gooey, shes going to have this little smile on her face the entire time you guys are walking around

cringes a little at those dumb and cheesy pick up lines but theres still a love for them in there inside her, juuuust barely behind her thinned mouth and squinted eyes after you drop the most cringe line you can muster

i think she would have a secret love for those silly/funny/cheesy celebration cards, so give her those if you want to brighten her day

i like to think she keeps all the cards youve given her, too... handmade or otherwise!

speaking of handmade, gift giving is a big thing for her so throw that into the mix if you wanna melt her heart.. you get bonus points if you made it yourself

you make pick up lines inspired by her sewing and crafting stuff, shes gonna roll her eyes but her smile says it all

oh shes definitely the type to blush hard

like to her ears and neck hard, shes going to be completely pink all over but only when you do it/do something that REALLY gets her

thinks

oh she would definitely shoot some lines back

you guys wont go back and forth like other characters do with their own partner, but shes definitely returning the energy

[oraclekleo]

Jihyo (TWICE) - Kinky Tarot Reading

Disclaimer:

All celebrity readings have purely entertainment nature

I don’t know any of the celebrities personally

Don’t base life decisions purely on tarot readings

I can never guarantee any of what’s said in the reading

Feedback: Feedback is very important for content creators and for me it’s even more important. Please, let me know whether the tarot readings resonate. If there’s anything you dislike or find off about my readings (like wording, topics, focus), just tell me. I don’t want you to write 1000-word feedback, very simple comments will do for me to stay motivated. I don’t know why I have to keep repeating this but this is something I do for you, guys, and when I don’t feel motivated to do tarot readings, I have many other things to do. The more motivation I get, the more readings you will get to read. The logic is very simple but it’s two sided.

Reading Info:

Rating: 18+

Reading Type: Single - Couple

Requested: Yes - No

Requester: /

Deck(s): Tarot of Vampires

Spread: Kinky

Questions:

Position

Libido

Turn On

Kink

Dirty Secret

Celebrity Info:

Full Name: Park Ji Hyo

Stage Name: Jihyo

Group: TWICE

DOB: 01/02/1997

Blood Type: O

MBTI: ESFP

Sun Sign: Aquarius

Chinese Sign: Fire Rat

Life Path Number: 2

Masterpost: TWICE

Jihyo (TWICE) - Kinky

Spread / Question: Kinky Deck(s): Tarot of Vampires

Position - XVIII The Moon

This particular card depicts the legendary Rusalka - a beautiful maiden luring people (often men) into lakes or rivers where they drown. The connection with Jihyo might be that she’s actually pretty deceptive in a relationship. It might be caused by her being deceived and lied to many times in the past and so she learned not to show her cards to her partner right away. She might play a certain type of girlfriend role in the beginning, portraying a gorgeous woman like the Rusalka on the card but under the surface, there are the bare bones of her true personality. Her true self might actually be much more beautiful than what she shows but she is likely to be reluctant to share. Jihyo might be a bit detached and secretive in a relationship, keeping her partner in suspense. That can make them feel like stumbling in the dark and it’s probably not going to build a solid base for a mutually rewarding relationship. Jihyo might need to first renew her trust before she is able to genuinely bond with someone.

Libido - IV The Emperor

There’s no other card in a tarot deck that would signal dominance this powerfully. The Emperor card is likely to tell us that Jihyo is the dom in the bedroom. She has trust issues with her partners so it’s not surprising she wants to be in control. She is likely to keep things in order and even structured so there is no space for improvisation. Her wild nights are likely to be scheduled and she expects her lover to attend or have a really good excuse at least 24h in advance so she can schedule her backup activity for the night. Jihyo is likely to have high standards and expectations and it’s also possible that she hasn't been satisfied every time with her lovers in the past. She’s very likely to be prepared for that, too and once her lover fails, she’s pulling her toys out of the drawer to finish the job properly. The underperforming lover is likely to be asked not to show up again. Jihyo is a busy woman, she’s got tight schedules and she’s responsible and highly efficient, she’s got no time to teach her lovers how to do their job. She might instinctively pick mature looking people as lovers in hopes they have some significant experience. Jihyo might seem pretty cold or maybe analytical to others but the fact is that her libido is very strong, she can get very passionate and lustful only if she could find a lover who would match her.

Turn On - 6 of Pentacles

Jihyo is likely to feel attracted to someone who’s generous and selfless, someone who gives more than they take. She might feel instinctively pulled towards a person who could heal her trust issues, someone reliable and true. The card might suggest the person works in a medical field, maybe Jihyo feels attracted to people who can actually heal others and are even more responsible and hard working than she is. She’s likely to admire high morals and high work drive in others. Jihyo is likely to also consider the financial stability of her crush as she’s not willing to support someone’s idle lifestyle.

Kink - II The High Priestess

The High Priestess card is all about intuition and secrets and all that’s behind the veil. As an answer to a kink question in the spread it might mean that Jihyo is not willing to reveal her preferences to anyone. It’s possible she’s not still sure herself, maybe she’s still in search of her favourite thing when it comes to bedroom activities. I’m afraid the card doesn’t really reveal anything much in this case. It’s literally undecided, a secret and standing on a crossroads with countless paths ahead.

Dirty Secret - V The Hierophant

Jihyo might truly be in search of a mentor figure, someone she could trust and rely on when it comes to the most intimate sides of her life. The Emperor card could also point to a certain level of daddy issues she might have and the Hierophant card continues with the theme. It’s possible Jihyo didn’t have the type of support she needed from male father figures in the past and she might still search for someone she could truly trust with everything and who wouldn’t judge her nor belittle her. She might have spent a large portion of her growing up being self-sufficient and carrying more responsibility than a young person should and she might feel insecure about asking for help and guidance now. She is likely aware of this and craves a person she would naturally trust enough to drop her resilience and let them support her when needed.

Do you feel uncomfortable reblogging my content and you don't have the funds to support me financially through ko-fi? You can still show you appreciate my works and Czech and Slovakian shelter dogs. Click on the link bellow and the green button. It's free! You can click every day! Your clicks will transform into Brit dog food every month and go to doggies in need. The website is undergoing upgrade now, it's not available in English for the time being.

CLICK AND FEED SHELTER DOGS

Have good karma and you will meet your Special Person!

Thank you for reading!

Hit the Like 💖

Comment! 💬

Reblog! 🔁

Follow for more! 💌

Any Feedback is Welcomed ✅

Consider supporting me on ko-fi 💖

[millie-mar]

i think i’m in love with you

in which Eddie believes that gay men can be friends with straight guys without there being any subtext to their relationship. duh he’s got a friendship like that! well, had. guess he was proven wrong.

part 2

read part 1

a/n: soooo i think i’m in love with you won in the votes, therefore i deliver to you the rest of the story! in my head this is the finished product, but in near future i could probably write shorts of some adventures they have and parts of their journey :) also i wanted to thank everyone who voted, hope you enjoy 🫶🏻

| 1869 words | modern!steddie | bestfriend!steddie |

Our lips move in a rushed manner, but it’s nothing too heated. It’s more like we’re too scared to go too far, as if we’d cross the invisible line that exists between friends. Many friendships have kept going after kissing in the spur of the moment, and I’m sure our will too. This is just to prove him wrong. He can’t be in love with me and that’s what I’m showing him. Except, his hands let go of my face and take a trail down my neck, chest and to my hips, grabbing them with need. He pulls my body even closer to his, an involuntary moan escapes me and causes Steve to stop. I open my eyes slowly. His hair’s disheveled, lips spread, panting, and his eyes are focused on my face. I see nothing else but the warm brown oh his eyes, they’re sparkling in the darkness of my room. Our close proximity makes my heart flutter, as the smell of coffee and vanilla hovers in between us.

I open my mouth to speak when the sound of the main door opening breaks the silence. Gareth.

“Fuck.” I can feel my head spin as the realisation dawns upon me. I’m standing in my room with my best friend, chest to chest, breathing heavily, with a hard on. This is not a normal best friend behaviour. And I know Gareth will give me a handful if he catches us like this. I quickly grab Steve’s hand, taking him to my bed. I push him to sit down, and he looks up at me, blinking really fast, confusion written out on his face.

“Eddie, this is a bit-“ I cut him off with a finger on his lips.

“Gareth’s back,” I lean forward and whisper in his ear. “Now lay down, pretend you’re asleep and stay quiet. I’ll think of something.”

I straighten up, ready to walk away, but Steve grabs my hand. I send him a look that screams please just do it and that gets him to let go.

I leave the room, hearing Steve sigh and the shuffle on the bed as I close the door behind me. I let a tired sigh escape me and lean on the door. I feel someone’s eyes on me and look up to see Gareth staring me up, arms crossed.

“What’s up man.” His voice snarky.

“Fucks sake, Gareth. You a fucking rogue or something.” My comparison made him scoff.

“God you’re such a nerd.” These words make me want to throw an uno reverse card in his face but I stop myself, seeing the way his eyes stay on me, scanning my face. He always does that whenever he suspects I brought someone home. It’s our house rule; one night stands are not allowed. Gareth and Jonathan witnessed all of my ‘partners’ walks of shame and one day they said they had enough, too uncomfortable with the looks each one of the guys gave them. “Do you have anything to say?” he continues.

“About what?”

“Don’t play dumb Munson. You know our rule.” The annoyance in Gareth’s voice is quite intimidating. His usual grumpy demeanour is something I’m used to, because I know he’s not actually angry or upset. But right now is different. Gareth’s fed up.

“I do. And I’m not playing dumb. It’s just Steve.” I rub the back of my neck, awkward saying his name after what happened in my room. “He had a rough time with his dad. He’s napping in my room.”

Gareth sighs. “Eddie.” His tone shifted, worry filling his eyes. “Listen, I think we should have this conversation.”

“What conversation?” I take a tentative step back, conscious of the fact that Steve is not actually asleep in my bed. Plus the walls are quite thin, and who fucking knows what Gareth wants to talk about.

“You need to stop this whole Steve thing.” The words shock me, so unexpected but yet I kind of saw them coming. As if that makes sense.

“What do you mean? What thing?” I chuckle uncomfortably.

“The longing stares. The constant name mentions in any conversation we’re having. Your smiles when he messages you.”

I interrupt him before he goes any further. “We’re just friends. Best friends. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I have to be in love with my guy best friend. That’s so stereotypical, I hate that kinda thing. It’s so stupid.” This time I crossed my arms, taking on a defensive stance and tone apparently. Gareth’s forehead is all wrinkly from how much he’s squinting his eyes.

“I never said anything about love,” he points out. And that shuts me up. I let my arms drop to my sides. Eyes wide, staring through Gareth’s head at nothing in particular. Shit. Fuck.

A loud thud erupts from my room, and a whine follows right after.

“Looks like princess’ awake.” Gareth walks off to the kitchen, hands in the pockets of his black jeans.

I sigh, take a deep breath and face the door. My hand reluctantly pulls the handle and the door opens to reveal Steve sitting the floor by the bed, arms on his knees, head down.

“Steve-“ Before I can finish, he stops me with his hand up.

“Eds, I’m gonna go now. There is a lot for you to think about. To be honest, I need to think a bit too. I- I’ll call you…” He stands up, and quickly pats my shoulder as he walks past me. The door shuts, I let a breath out that I didn’t even know I was holding. It’s going to be a long night.

A week has passed, no message or call from Steve came through on my phone. The third day after our talk I began to think that maybe the signal was fucked, but even when I went to town, I got nothing. The temptation to go and see him was overwhelmingly strong. At one point I even found myself walking down the road where his house is, but I stopped my stalker behaviour and went back home. He promised he’ll call, and I respect his boundaries.

This whole situation is so new for us. Ever since the day we were born, we never went through more than couple days without talking to each other; either through text, call or face to face, we have always talked at least once, twice a week. And I’m starting to feel the withdrawal. When I’m out, I think that every guy with slightly longer voluminous brown hair, an outfit straight from the 80s and a sporty build is Steve. I’m beginning to crave his company and saying I’m confused is an understatement. Gareth’s words have been running through my mind; longing stares, name mentions, my smiles. I hate to admit it but this literally sounds like something a high school teenager would do when they get a crush. Never in my dreams would I think that at the age of twenty would I act smitten. And it does feel weird to realise that, but God does it feel weirder to not act this way. I’m so used to being like that with Steve, it feels like my life is upside down now that I’m not stealing glances at his handsome face when he’s not looking my way. Or ‘accidentally’ looking at his ass when he’s walking up the stairs before me. Or playing with his hair when he’s asleep during our movie nights.

That’s when it hits me.

I get off my bed, grab my keys from the bedside table and dash out the door. I run past Gareth and Jon, grabbing my helmet and storm out the apartment. Their startled voices die down as the main door slams shut behind me. The rain’s heavy, making it harder to see anything in the darkness of the night, but it doesn’t stop me from making my way to my bike. The engine starts smoothly so I put the helmet on and ride off towards Steve’s house.

I manage to get there in ten minutes, which is awfully quick, especially when it’s pouring it down. I get off, completely soaked and leave my helmet on the bike. I run up the set of stairs to the front porch of Harrington’s house. It’s like im in a trance, each step is automatic and my fist hits the door as soon as I stop in front of it. Footsteps from within the house get louder and the door opens, revealing Steve Harrington himself. His hair is ruffled, each strand facing different direction. His eyes are slightly droopy, a clear pillow line imprinted on his cheek. He yawns and seems to finally realise I’m standing at the door as his eyebrows shoot up, eyes widen and his lips part, words stuck in his throat.

“I’m not in love with you,” I say quickly before he gets a chance to compose himself.

“What?”

“I’m not in love with you. I do love you Steve, but I’m not in love.” My breath hitches, so I close my eyes and inhale, trying to calm my heart. Steve’s just standing there, staring right into my eyes, waiting. “There is a part of my brain that you somehow occupy. Everyday I think about you. Your smile. Your cluelessness about everything I like. But also your willingness to learn. You always try to enjoy what I enjoy, but if you don’t you’re honest about it. And you’re so kind, and so hot. Like trust me I’m super attracted to you. Have been for a long time now. I’m pretty sure you were my gay awakening. Or maybe that was Brokeback Mountain. Well you definitely had your part in it.” Steve stops my waffling, shaking his head.

“I,” he pauses. “I don’t get it. Don’t get you.” His voice is shaking, and he puts his hand through his hair, bringing back the Steve hair everyone knows.

“I love you with all my heart. But a part of me doesn’t allow me to be in love with you. Doesn’t allow me to hurt you.” I sigh and Steve looks down at his mismatched basketball socks. “But…” His head shoots up, facing me once again, his eyes are sparkling like they were that night in my room. “I want to try. I need to try. For you. And for us.” I smile.

Steve comes out and wraps his arms around my neck, hiding his face in the crook of it. Wet drops fall on my skin and his body is shaking slightly. His heartbeat is faster, mine quickening up to match his pace. I return the hug, my hair dripping on him, his clothes slowly get wetter. But we don’t mind. We’re engrossed in the warmth of each other’s embrace.

“The past week was hard.” His voice rings in my ear, the warmth of his breath on my neck.

“Excruciating.” I add, leaning my chin on the top of his head. “It’ll be even harder from now on.”

“You know me.” Steve looks up to meet my gaze. Our heights are similar, but he’s slightly scrunched up against me. A smirk on his pretty lips. “I love a challenge.”

[lovelynim]

It's today

Genshin Impact - Cyno x Tighnari

A/N: I felt inspired to write something different for once and I decided to post it. I'm not the best at writing anything that isn't fluff, but oh well. Also, don't worry, this is not part of my current milestone event, it's just... the result of a sudden boost of inspiration.

Summary: Tighnari remembered an important date and decided to prepare something to celebrate.

Word count: 1665 words

Tighnari laid his body over the table, letting out a deep sigh. It should be enough work for today, he thought, maybe he should start getting things ready for tonight. He didn’t consider himself to be the most romantic man in Sumeru, but today was a special day: he and Cyno are celebrating another year of their relationship.

Unlike the general, Tighnari found some trouble when it came to expressing his feelings. He knew very well how sharp his tongue could be sometimes and how hard it was for him to not express some not-so-nice emotions under situations.

But there was no doubt about how they felt about each other - a beautiful, flourishing relationship built around love, trust and care. At the end of the day, he couldn’t ask for a better partner.

The fennec smiled, standing up from his chair and picking up the papers he scattered across the table. It was getting late and Cyno would be home at any time now: what should he prepare this time? Maybe he had time to cook something for them to eat together? He couldn’t remember any TCG card the general would be interested in… what if he prepared something else?

He giggled by himself with his thoughts, a flurry of ideas spinning around his head. Focus, Tighnari, he told himself, shaking his head and placing his hands on his cheeks. A dinner should do it, after all, Collei had been sleeping at their place recently and it wouldn’t be a good idea to leave her out of the celebration.

Tying his hair in a short ponytail, the forest guardian walked over to the kitchen, already picking up the vegetables he needed and a knife, beginning to prepare their meal.

While the knife sliced everything nicely, he couldn’t help but let his thoughts drift away. Archons, another year had passed them by… To think that one day, Cyno was chasing him around the Akademiya and, now, they were pretty much living together. If it wasn't for the other’s job, that required him to go out for days on end, they could at least see each other more often…

Looking down to the sliced up vegetables, Tighnari skillfully fetched a pan, using the knife to slide all the pieces inside it. Add some water, some spices and let it cook for a while - the recipe for a good old vegetable stew. He smiled proudly, already knowing that Cyno would complain about the lack of meat, but would give in to the taste at some point. So like him.

“Hmm… What now? It will take a while for the stew to finish cooking…” He muttered to himself, looking over his shoulder to check the clock hanging on the top of the wall. “Maybe I should take a showe–”

“Master Tighnari?” A familiar voice came from behind, making the fennec perk up his ears. Turning his head around, Tighnari greeted Collei with a smile, tilting his head.

“Oh, it’s you, Collei,” he walked towards her, “dinner will be ready in a while, would you like to join us?”

The girl widened her eyes, tilting her head slightly. “Ahm… ‘us’?” There was some concern on her voice - a pinch of worry as well.

“Ah, yes, Cyno will join us today, hehe,” he scratched his cheek with a shy smile on his lips, “we… are celebrating another year together today. I’ve been so busy with work that I couldn’t give much thought.”

“...master Tighnari, you-”

“I know, I know, I’m terrible at forgetting it,” he waved his hand, trying to shrug off the topic. He didn’t want to feel guilty about it, “but I’m preparing a nice stew for us, I thought it would be nice if I had a nice dinner for him when he got home and, well… you are part of our family, Collei, so feel free to join us, hahah.”

He turned back to her, but, instead of a smile of contempt, she was clearly at the verge of crying. She seemed upset - no, heartbroken would be the right word. Collei opened her mouth, ready to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out.

“C-Collei?” The fennec quickly reached to her, holding her face into his hands, using his thumb to gently brush off a tear that was rolling down her cheek. “H-hey, there is no need to cry, you big lummox,” he scolded her softly, pulling her into a hug, “you know very well what Cyno and I think of you, you are part of our family…”

He could feel her hand tightening into a fist, gripping into his clothes as she held back a cry. Tighnari didn’t understand why she was so moved by something as simple as a dinner with him and Cyno, but maybe the girl had their own reasons.

“Listen,” he said, pushing her back a bit to look at her face - her eyes were watery and the tip of her nose, reddened. “Go get yourself ready and I’ll set the table, alright? We don’t want Cyno to see you like this, he will get all worried, Collei!”

“B-but, master Tighnari- a-ah, wait, please!” She tried to protest as he slowly dragged her across the house, taking her to the bathroom.

“I think we still have some of your clothes in our room, I’ll go fetch them for you, ok?” He said, smiling as he patted her head, trying to give the girl some comfort, “let’s enjoy it - just the three of us.”

Again, Collei wanted to talk, but words simply wouldn’t leave her mouth. It was like if something was stuck in her throat. So, unable to contest, she nodded, giving her master a sad smile. “Alright, thank you, master Tighnari,” she said, watching as he closed the bathroom door.

Leaving her there, Tighnari quickly ran over to their bedroom, looking into their closet, where they used to keep her stuff. “I hope these still fit her…” He smiled, letting out a small chuckle of worry - hopefully, she would get better after a hot shower.

Leaving her things near the bathroom, the fennec rushed back to the kitchen - since he wouldn’t have time to prepare himself, at least he could get the table ready: three bowls and sets of cutlery - all nicely placed on top of the table.

“Archons, can’t the time pass a little slower?” He muttered, checking the clock again and surprising himself with how fast the hour went by. Cyno should be getting home anytime now.

Waiting a couple more minutes before turning off the fire, Tighnari hummed pleased as he could feel the scent of the stew filling their house. He took a seat, crossing his legs and eying the clock, waiting for the moment of truth.

However, for some reason, it didn’t happen.

The fennec slowly grew impatient, his eyes drifting back to the clock every five minutes. The sun had already set a while ago, what was taking Cyno so long? Maybe he forgot, Tighnari thought, after all, the general had just as much work to do as he did - and he almost let the date slip unnoticed.

Letting out an annoyed sigh, the forest watcher crossed one leg over the other, shaking his foot as the anxiety took the space within his heart. The different ‘what if’s occupying his mind as he couldn’t help, but to worry.

The general’s job was dangerous, after all, he needed to deal with all kinds of threats and dangers, so anything could have happened and, when Cyno was nearly an hour late, all the possibilities started crossing Tighnari’s mind.

“...master Tighnari?” Collei called from the corner of the room, slowly walking in with the clothes her master had picked for her. The fennec’s frown gave place to a small smile. 

“Ah, sorry, Collei, you must be hungry, right? If you want, you can eat. I’ll wait for Cyn-”

“Master Tighnari, please!” She shouted, clenching her hands into fists and starling the other. Her teeth sank into her inner lip, gathering the strength she didn’t have earlier that day, “p-please, stop this.”

“W-what? What do you mean, Collei?” He said, pushing his chair back as he slowly stood up, approaching her as if she was some kind of scared wild animal. She was trembling, again, in that same state from before.

“Master Tighnari… I know you miss him, b-but-”

“Of course I miss him, Collei, I lov-”

“Just listen to me!” She raised her voice again, letting out a small gasp. She could feel that interrupting him for a second time angered him, but he still nodded, waiting for her to finish. “Master Tighnari… The general is not late. He… he is not late because he is not coming home, either.”

“I beg your pardon?”

She sighed. She remembered what Dehya told her, what Kaveh and Alhaitham personally warned her about. She knew it wouldn’t be easier, but it was way harder than she expected it to be.

Collei insisted for him to sit down before she resumed speaking and, as confused as he could be, Tighnari followed her orders. His apprentice could tell as, slowly, he came back to his senses.

“I-I’m sorry, master Tighnari, but I-”

“Don’t… don’t apologize, Collei, it was… my mistake,” he sighed, placing a hand over his eyes as he lowered his head. “Maybe… I’m getting senile, hah…”

“P-please, don’t say such things about yourse-”

“I need a moment, please,” Tighnari said in a shaky voice, still refusing to look her in the eyes. “D-dinner is ready… F-feel free to eat som-”

Before he could finish, Collei launched herself at him, tightly wrapping her arms around him, feeling how his tears were slowly wetting her clothes. “...I miss him, too, master Tighnari.”

In a silent cry, Tighnari’s trembling hands reached back for her, returning the hug as he finally broke free from the denial. It was today that he and Cyno would celebrate another year together - that if only Cyno was still among them.

[burningdaybreak]

Freedom and Captivity as themes in Vivid BAD SQUAD - Part 3: Shiraishi An

(Disclaimer: This post contains spoilers for An's character and event stories, and Vivid BAD SQUAD's storyline in general.) Hey everyone. It's time for part 3 of the Freedom and Captivity series, this time focusing on Shiraishi An. This part goes more in-depth into the character, since I believe she's closely associated to the concepts of freedom and captivity. For that purpose, not all cards that I'll talk about here will be explicitly related to freedom and captivity, and will instead take a look into An's story; but I believe most of them are, at the least, indirectly related to the topic. So, in a way, this could be considered a regular essay about An's character? With a focus on the freedom and captivity themes. [This makes the previous parts look like a joke, tbh. Maybe I went a bit too in-depth... but it's what An deserves!] Also this is my first essay since OVER RAD SQUAD!!, the event in which Vivid BAD SQUAD finally surpassed RAD WEEKEND... didn't expect they'd do it "so soon", thought I could at least finish this series first; it's gonna be interesting writing the remaining parts...

PART 3: SHIRAISHI AN

An has been living in Vivid Street all her life, a place where everyone lives alongside music, dedicating all their time and passion to it. As the daughter of Shiraishi Ken, a famous musician and part of RADder along with his teammates Kotaki Taiga and Kotaki Nagi, it's natural she'd end up interested in music too, looking up to them. And so, she has been singing since she was little. Everyone in the town loves her, always protecting and supporting her; and she loves them back, too, pouring all her feelings of love and gratefulness in her singing. Albeit there was a time where she felt they didn't truly care about her, since they could never spend time with her and kept breaking their promises to do so, Nagi made her realize that everyone in the town does actually love her, and she learns to give that love back. Nagi is an extremely important person to An. The person who she looked up to the most. The one who she always sang with. Someone who has been with her ever since she was born, pretty much. Nagi was a very present figure in An's life, shaping her up a lot into the person she is nowadays. She aspired to become like Nagi and be as great as her. When RADder held RAD WEEKEND, the event changed her life, and it became An's dream to surpass it. She wanted to host her own event, too; one matching and even surpassing the atmosphere of the legendary event that changed Vivid Street and everyone who lived there. However, after the event, Nagi traveled overseas, in pursuit of her dream of "conquering the world". So, it was An's intention to surpass RAD WEEKEND while she was gone, and showing Nagi how much she had grown, matching her level, and be able to sing by her side, once again... In order to surpass RAD WEEKEND, she'd need people to do an event with, as doing it alone would prove difficult since RAD WEEKEND had multiple teams participating in it. At the least, she'd need a team of her own, so she started looking for a partner to sing with. However, An had a hard time finding a partner of her own. She wanted someone that matched her skill level and complemented her singing well, and who she held a close bond with — someone with who she could share her dream and surpass it together. She held pretty high standards for her partner, so finding the ideal partner was proving difficult. The fact that Akito, an acquaintance of hers that was also aiming for the same goal as her, found a partner of his own before she did demoralized her a bit, but she still didn't give up on either singing, her goal, and on finding a partner. Then, one day, a girl happens to comes across WEEKEND GARAGE, the café owned by An's family. When she sees An singing, something inside her awakens... it's the first time in her life she feels this excited about something. Spotting her, An approaches the girl, since it's the first time she sees her around, but she runs off. However, a while later, unable to get An's singing out of her head, the girl visits the café once again. This time, they can introduce to each other properly, and An finally meets her one and only partner: Kohane. After singing together, An falls in love with Kohane's singing; this is the person she wants to be with, sing with, and share her dream with — she knows Kohane is the one she wants to surpass RAD WEEKEND with. And so, they become partners, forming their duo unit: Vivids.

They come across some difficulties as they start singing together and begin their journey to surpass RAD WEEKEND, but by the end of the Vivid BAD SQUAD main story, they decide to join together with BAD DOGS, since they all share the same goal, and form a new team: Vivid BAD SQUAD, combining both of their teams' names. So, how do the concepts of freedom and captivity show up in An's character? From the beginning, An has been free. Among the Vivid BAD SQUAD characters, she was probably the most free from the start. Being able to sing in Vivid Street, without worrying and just having fun while doing it. There was a little while where she felt lonely since she was never able to sing with her close ones, as seen in The Vivid Old Tale, but Nagi shows her that the town cares about her and loves her, and An learns how important the town is, and learns to love them back. However, RAD WEEKEND would be the beginning of An's captivity. With not just Nagi suddenly leaving to go overseas, leaving An behind and by herself, but also An being unable to find a partner that fit her standards, An became lonely. Although she kept singing by herself, in hopes of reaching a level that'd be good enough to not just surpass RAD WEEKEND but to impress the person she admires when she came back, too; and also eventually finding a partner of her own, An began feeling trapped by her struggles and loneliness. And while she did finally find a partner of her own, and also began her journey to accomplish her dream with likeminded teammates, this was just the start for An and her partner:

In Someday, with Our Lyrics Joined Back-to-Back, An's first focus event, An wants to cherish her new partner as much as possible, not wanting to let her go. She had been looking for a partner for a long time, and she’s afraid of losing her; this makes her end up worrying too much about Kohane and overprotecting her, which affects VBS’s performances. Noticing this, Akito gives advice to An, telling her to not protect Kohane so much, and allow her to grow by herself. She needs to believe in her partner. As someone who is experienced in having a partner, and has gone through the same things An has, Akito can help her through this hurdle; she has to learn to trust in her partner and protect her less, believing in her skill. While a partner is a precious thing to have, and something to be cherished, you have to give them room to improve by themselves. Partners need to trust each other, and by working together and in equal terms, they can help each other grow. (copied from The Gay Akito Thesis™, as I feel it summarized this event really well) At the end of the event, An apologizes to Kohane, saying she wants to continue being Kohane's partner, and for them to believe in each other. Kohane replies that, even though she's not as good as the rest of Vivid BAD SQUAD yet and may need to rely on them for a while, she'll keep doing her best, and she'd be happy to keep singing together as An's partner. From now on, they can rely on each other, growing together as they continue singing together. This event would mark the beginning of An's insecurity and other complicated feelings towards her partner, which could be considered her "shackles". This begins by worrying too much about Kohane, overprotecting her and that leading to Vivid BAD SQUAD messing up their performance. An is afraid of losing the partner she had been looking for for a long time, so she's not just protecting Kohane, but also herself. Fortunately, the event ends with the girls declaring they still want to be each other's partners, happy to sing together and keep chasing their goal together. There isn't much to say about the trained illustration of her card from this event, although she looks like she's enjoying her singing, which you could say represents the freedom of having made up with Kohane and told her how she feels, once again enjoying singing along with her partner and not worrying so much about her.

However, in Bout for Beside You, An's second focus event, she begins feeling uneasy about Kohane once again; this time after Kohane shows how fast she's improving and giving a great performance during Awakening Beat. Furthermore, Taiga from RADder notices all the potential Kohane holds, and offers to train her. All this leads An to worry, although she isn't exactly sure what she is feeling. Once again, Akito notices there's something off about her, and he meets up with her to find out what's wrong. Talking with him, and also Miku, she realizes it may be that she's afraid of being left behind by Kohane, and worried about Kohane improving so much, surpassing An, and not wanting to sing with her anymore. Akito understands her situation; she had been looking for a partner for a long time, it’s normal she’d feel anxious about losing her. While he doesn’t think Kohane would abandon An, it’s inevitable to consider that possibility. Following that, he gives her some advice:

🥞 In that case, you just need to keep up with her. You have to improve, and relentlessly grow until you’re equals.

The following day, Kohane is going to practice with Taiga, and An decides to sing solo at Vivid Street. Lately they had all been singing together at the park, so she hadn't had the chance to sing there in a while. As she sings, she thinks about how singing there used to be fun, exciting, and without worries; but now, she sings while feeling troubled. However, this is a feeling she wouldn't have felt if she had sung alone — it's thanks to everyone that she found it. And so, she'll take it seriously and channel those feelings into her song. Like that, she can move forward, little by little. After singing, she remembers that this is where she first sang with Kohane on the street. And then, Kohane appears. Surprised to meet Kohane, who was meant to be practicing with Taiga, Kohane explains that it turns out Taiga's practice wasn't singing, but rather "looking at the town". She walked around the town and found it fun, and it reminded her of the first time she visited Vivid Street. At first, she thought it was scary, but An made her realize there was nothing to be afraid of. And then she happened to overhear An singing as she was going back home. She tells An how her singing is very cool and exciting, saying how she wants to practice more and be able to sing like An, to which she replies that Kohane's already cool and shines so bright and makes her heart pound— but then she suddenly shifts her tone, asking Kohane if, in a hypothetical scenario where An went far, far away someday, what would she do? An then elaborates, explaining that, if after surpassing RAD WEEKEND, if she wanted to go beyond that, traveling around the world just like Taiga did, and went to a far away place, what would Kohane do? But she reassures Kohane that it's just a hypothetical question, and she's not really going anywhere. Kohane replies that, even if that were to happen, she would want to keep singing with An:

🐹 No matter where you go or what you become, I'd still want to be with you! 🐹 Ah... I have to work really hard to keep up with you, but... 🐹 I want to properly stand beside you and sing with you! 🐹 Which is why I'll do whatever it takes.

Happy at her response, An thanks her. Kohane worries about An and asks her if she's alright, but An says she feels great, and apologizes for the weird question. Following that, she suggests they sing together a bit. The event then ends with the girls singing together. As they sing, just the two of them, An thinks about how she can clearly hear Kohane — her heart pounds every time she hears her sing, like something interesting and new is about to unfold. She really loves her singing. She thinks, there may be a time where her feelings waver and she'll feel uncertain, once again; but for now, she'll push through, heading onwards. Together. As of this event, An feels uneasy about her partner once again, now due to how much she's growing and getting Taiga's attention. She's afraid of her partner leaving her behind, and not wanting to sing with her anymore. This is quite interesting compared to how she felt in Someday, with Our Lyrics Joined Back-to-Back, since back then she was protecting Kohane since she was still new to singing and didn't want to lose her, but now Kohane has grown enough for An to fear being left behind. Kohane's development is always nice to think about... Either way, An is further shackled to her feelings and fears after this event. It becomes quite clear here that An is a pretty lonely person and is afraid of losing her partner, so she keeps worrying about being left behind... she wants to get over these feelings, but she also doesn't want to show her uncool side, also in fear of disappointing Kohane. So, in the end, it becomes a vicious cycle that is hard to escape from... those are, then, An's "shackles".

For her Bout for Beside You 4☆ card's trained illustration, we see An inside a cage, an element that commonly represents captivity. In my opinion, this card represents An's wavering feelings and insecurity, with her being trapped inside what looks like a high-security cage, with all the red lights and the caution tapes in the background, along the general damaged state of the cage; it's like a holding cell for something dangerous, with many warning signs to stay away. An herself would represent her own feelings, and she is locked in under high security; it's something she doesn't want to let out at any cost. But, I believe it also represents her resolve to fight through and get over those feelings, seeing her determined expression. Taking into consideration the gacha name (Break The Fence! Gacha), I feel it symbolizes An wanting to break out of the cage that is holding her back, leaving behind these uncool feelings. Yet another way to view at it is An awaiting her next opponent; with her being inside a fighting ring cage, and the boxing-like outfit, it can be viewed as An looking for a fight. She wants to prove she's strong and that she can surpass anything that dares face her — which would tie back to the previous point of getting over those feelings. Although she's afraid and wavering, she also wants to get rid of these unnecessary and uncool feelings. She's determined to push through and keep fighting and improving.

Next we have An's 4☆ from the Same Dreams, Same Colors event, which was Touya's second focus event. In that event, Vivid BAD SQUAD goes on a camping trip, since Touya had never gone on one due to his secluded life when he was younger, and so was unable to visualize what the rest of his team meant when talking about what a forest was like. They use that trip as a learning and bonding experience, experiencing new things, and they grow and learn as a team. By working together and singing with the same image, feelings, and goal, they can become an even better team. In the gacha that came with the event, Departure: Winter's Railway Gacha, Vivid BAD SQUAD's characters are depicted in locations associated with trains (inside trains, or in a train station, or on a railway) that are overgrown; this set would represent how Vivid BAD SQUAD traveled by train to the mountains for their camping trip, staying in a place surrounded by nature. I believe that nature itself can represent freedom, just enjoying your surroundings and being in a place different from the usual atmosphere they're used to. In An's card's case, she's sitting in an abandoned, overgrown train car. By itself, there may not be much to say about this card (it's pretty and very nice!); however, an interesting aspect of it is that An is sitting facing away from the light, the light shining on her back. When taking into account her character, this could be a subtle representation of An avoiding facing reality (her feelings) and remaining in the darkness (keeping them in). While those negative feelings weren't that strong yet during the event, they'd eventually surface, stronger than before... So, in a way, this card can be viewed as a representation of An bottling her feelings in, trapping herself in the shade rather than enjoying the freedom that is the sun. Following Same Dreams, Same Colors we have Legend still vivid, where Vivid BAD SQUAD visits COL, the livehouse where RAD WEEKEND took place, and they also learn that there still exists footage of the event, allowing Touya and Kohane to finally see the event for themselves, and where we see Nagi for the first time. And then, followed by THE POWER OF UNITY, the event in which Vivid BAD SQUAD host their first event, 「Break」, along with a few other groups with the same dream as them, in an attempt to replicate the atmosphere of RAD WEEKEND. While it didn't exactly reach RAD WEEKEND's level, it was still a step forward for them all; with teamwork and shared feelings, they'll eventually reach, and surpass, RAD WEEKEND.

[Disclaimer: Long "summary". Because I always need to write an event's plot in-depth, I suppose. Skip to the next blue text if you don't wanna read it. But, I believe this event is very important to An's character.] We then have The Vivid Old Tale, An's third focus event. The event begins with Vivid BAD SQUAD taking a break at crase cafe after practicing all day, preparing for their next event. They then decide to rewatch the RAD WEEKEND footage, as per Rin's suggestion to find another hint that'll help them improve their future events, but this time focusing on other aspects to see if they find anything different from before. However, all of them mostly focused on Nagi while watching it. Although they didn't find any hint, Touya notes how he noticed there's a sense of loneliness in the singing, to which An says that it may be because RADder disbanded right after the event, so they all may have been singing desperately since they knew it was gonna be the end, though Touya isn't sure if that's enough to make such an impressive event. Then, they talk about Nagi. They all agree how she was at the centre of the event and her very strong presence in it, changing the atmosphere right from the beginning. Rin then asks An about Nagi, and An reminisces a bit about her past; afterwards, Kohane asks An if she can share a little more about those days. If they learn more about Nagi, they may understand RAD WEEKEND better. An agrees, and she begins telling an old tale. A pretty young An practices her singing in the street, surprising those who don't know her; she's the daughter of RADder's Ken, and she's already really good at singing at such a young age, which everyone acknowledges. As she talks with people in the street, she mentions how her dad had promised to come watch her sing, but he couldn't come in the end because he was busy; and she also says how she'll become an ever cooler musician than him eventually. (So, from young, she already dreamed of surpassing her dad one day.) Following that, she practices more, but her dad still hasn't come, despite his promise. But then, Nagi and Taiga appear. They talk a bit with An, saying how they were planning to meet with Ken to prepare for their next event, but he's busy. Since he'll still take a while, they listen to An sing while they wait, with Nagi giving her some advice. But suddenly, a fight arises nearby. However, Nagi steps in, and manages to solve the situation by making them settle the fight with singing rather than fistfighting; this then leads to everyone who was around to also sing and face each other, including An facing Nagi. A while later, Ken comes across the scene, with everyone facing each other. In Vivid Street, rapping and singing are like greetings; music is a very important part of this place. Although the fighting worries Ken, An seems to be happy, so he thinks it's fine. Shortly after, while talking to the rest of his team and An, he compliments her singing, to which An happily responds to before getting mad at him for not keeping his promise. To make up for it, he promises to come watch her the next day. Then they all hang out for a while, with An and Nagi playing videogames together (Nagi keeps losing against An). However, while they're playing, they get interrupted by a livehouse staff, telling RADder there's been some trouble. Nagi decides to go help them, which makes An sad since she wanted to play more with Nagi; but Nagi has to go to help the livehouse, and she promises to play again with her the next day.

The following day, Nagi and An play basketball together. As they return home after playing all day, An tells Nagi and Taiga to come eat dinner at her house, to which they agree. An then notices they're making a big building nearby, which turns out to be the future Kamiyama High School building (which An will eventually attend). An mentions she wants to explore the building, but the adults tell her to not do it, since construction sites are pretty dangerous. However, as she daydreams about what they will all do once they're back home, a young musician interrupts them, begging RADder for help. Nagi and Taiga offer to go, and it makes An sad that they can't come eat dinner with her in the end. But, to cheer her up, Ken suggests they practice singing a bit before they go back home. A week later, in Vivid Street, An is mad at her dad (again) because he can't come watch her practice, despite being a weekend, since he has to help at a livehouse. An, pouting, thinks that they could just ask someone else. Ken tells her that she can practice on the street, everyone will look over her, but An says:

🎧 Whenever anyone in town asks you for help, you always go straight away. And you always tell me I can sing on the street, but… 🎧 Is that because it's a pain to watch me practice all the time…?

Her dad responds that he, Taiga, and Nagi always want to be by her side, and there's no way it's a pain. Moreover, he's not recommending her to sing on the street for no reason; it's because he knows it'll be a strength to her some day. All of RADder were able to come this far because of the town, in all sorts of way, and she'll someday understand it, too. Before leaving, Ken promises he'll watch An's practice the next sunday, saying Nagi and Taiga should also be free that day and they'll be able to come watch, too. Following that, An sings by herself on the street, but she's not able to sing well because she's feeling down. Vivid Street's people manage to cheer her up, telling her her dad will definitely come watch her sing next time. Then the next sunday comes, and she's looking forward to practicing with her dad and the others, so she spends the morning warming up until they come. Meanwhile, RADder is planning to go meet with An after they're done with their meeting, but then they're interrupted by a pair of livehouse staffs asking for their help. Ken decides they should go help, as the issue seems to be serious, but he'd like to contact An first, to tell her he'll have to break his promise (once again). However, since she's not home and isn't able to pick up the phone, one of the livehouse staffs tells him they'll go look for An. Ken tells them to relay the following message: I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise. I promise for next time, I'll be with you the whole day. But, as they're looking for her, the livehouse staff can't find An. She got tired of waiting and went to the place was reunited at, deciding to wait for them there, not knowing they've already left. She spends a long time waiting, wondering what happened to them, and thinking they may have forgotten their promise. Then, the livehouse staff finally finds her, and tells her what happened. Before they can finish relaying Ken's message, though, An begins sobbing, calling everyone mean and saying that everyone's always taking her dad away from her. She then declares she hates her dad, and everyone in the town, and runs away crying. An runs for a while. When she stops, she thinks how her dad cares about everyone else more than her; if he really cared about her, he wouldn't break his promise. Furthermore, he did it multiple times... even though she was really looking forward to it... and so, An decides that, since her dad doesn't care about her, she's never going back home.

A few hours later, while roaming around, a police officer spots her, and she runs away from him. When she stops running, it happens to start raining, and she decides to sneak into the construction site from before, ignoring her dad's warnings. She excitedly explores the side, but when she hears footsteps, she thinks there's someone else there. However, upon checking the source of the noise, she doesn't find anybody, and begins thinking it may be ghosts, and gets scared. When she hears the footsteps again, she rushes off scared before seeing what made them... however, it turns out it was just a construction worker who was looking for their phone. She's really scared and wants to leave, but she can't due to the rain. She reminisces about her home, her family, and Nagi and Taiga, and she gets sad... she wants to go back home. But she's still mad at her dad... but then, she hears footsteps once again. However, it turns out to be Nagi. An wonders how she managed to find her, to which Nagi says that she could figure it out because she knows An so well. An cries a bit, since she was so scared... Once she calms down, Nagi tells her that they should head home, since everyone is worried about An. However, An doesn't want to; she's mad that her dad didn't come to watch her practice, and how the town always takes Nagi and the others away from her. So she hates them. Nagi understands why she's mad, and apologizes for not having been able to keep her promise. She explains that Ken was extremely worried about An, and he immediately ran out the moment he heard she ran away. He cares about and loves An a lot. But, she replies, if he really cares about her, he wouldn't break his promise, would he?

💖 ...There's a lot of things we care about, is all it is. 🎧 ...Eh? 💖 Of course, you're number one, An! But... 💖 We also love everybody in this town. 🎧 ...

An then asks why Nagi and the others love everybody in the town so much, to which Nagi says that it's because she's been singing in the town since she was really little — just like An.

💖 There's always been a lot of people who love music here, so whenever I sang, they'd always tells me to do my best, or give me advice. And at first it was really annoying, but... 💖 Thanks to it, I was able to grow a lot.

Everyone always cheered her on, and shared their happiness with her when she managed to accomplish things. It's thanks to everyone's support that she was able to come to this point. And Ken and Taiga too; they didn't really get along at first, but everybody in the town thought they were good rivals for each other, so they stopped their arguments and fights. And somehow, they managed to become closer. If it hadn't been for everybody in the town, she doesn't think they'd ever have formed a team. Which is why she loves the town. An starts thinking about this. Thanks to everybody, her dad and the others made a team, and can sing so cool now...

💖 ... And you know, everybody in this town loves you so much, An.

Nagi then talks about various stories of the people of the town, and how much they cared for An. Even before she was born. Everyone has always been looking after her, and supporting her — the town truly cares about An...

💖 That's why I don't want you to hate anybody in this town, An. 💖 ...That's a selfish request from me, though.

An then realizes how everyone's always calling out to her, worrying about her, and listening to her sing. Everybody's so kind to her... she thinks that must be the reason why her dad is always helping them. Suddenly, she hears people calling out her name. When they leave the construction site, An sees there's a lot of people gathered; the whole town was looking for her. Ken was extremely worried about An, and he's so glad she's alright. He's soaking wet, so he must've been looking for An in the rain the whole time. He profusely apologizes to An. Everyone else apologizes, too. They're glad they found her. Everyone was very worried.

💖 —See? 💖 Everyone in this town loves you, An.

Even though she thought she hated all of them... the town loves her this much... so she apologizes for worrying everyone, and thanks them for looking for her, telling them she loves them. Now, back in the current day, An finished telling her tale. Everyone enjoyed it, and they feel they understand Nagi better now. Luka teases An a bit, asking her if that's where her fear of ghosts originates from, but An tells her that's not important. Leaving that aside, Miku is glad she got to learn about Nagi's personality, and says that she learned she was a person that's pretty similar to An — or, at the least, she had a strong influence on An.

🎧 I feel like the feeling of wanting to be as cool as Nagi-san is what led me to this point. 🎧 And above all, I was able to realise just how much I love everybody in town, thanks to Nagi-san. 🎧 And also... it led me to want to love everybody even more.

This reminds Akito and Touya how the town was brought up before; when Arata lost to Taiga, he was told to "look at the town". Kohane, too, was told that when practicing with Taiga, which makes them think that he must believe that, to surpass RAD WEEKEND, it's necessary to look at the town. Everyone questions what exactly it means to "look at the town", since the only things in the town are... livehouses and record stores? But An says there is also the people.

🎧 It might just be coming from me, but everybody in Vivid Street is so full of personality. And they all love music so much... 🎧 If everybody in this town were different people, it'd be a totally different town.

However, they wonder what singing has to do with looking at the town. They think it may be that the town has to attend their event or something? However, that sounds wrong, too.

🎧 But... I feel like "looking at the town" must be important. 🎧 ... Nagi-san also treasured everybody in this town.

So, they agree to keep thinking about its meaning. Following that, already night, they leave the Street Sekai. Just as they're about to head back home, the livehouse manager happily chats with An, which makes Kohane think how An really is loved by everyone in town. They then split up, saying goodbye. Finally, An is back home at WEEKEND GARAGE. She talks with her dad, telling him how they had a pretty busy day, and tells him that she talked with everyone about Nagi, and how everybody thinks Nagi was the central figure of RAD WEEKEND. She left a strong impression on everyone. She then says how everybody told her she was really similar to Nagi, asking her dad if he agrees. She has always wanted to be like her, so if she's gotten any closer, she'd be really happy, and Ken tells her they're similar. Happy at his response, An is motivated to work even harder — to surpass RAD WEEKEND, and get even closer to Nagi. Afterwards, An goes outside to close WEEKEND GARAGE for the day. She then looks up at the sky, thinking the stars look so pretty today. However, to her, the lights in the town are the prettiest; for people who don't live there, it must be kind of scary, with the lights looking glaring... but perhaps, for her, it's because it reminds her that everyone in town is there, and that they're all doing their best.

🎧 ... Aww. I wonder what Nagi-san is doing over in America? I wish she'd give us a call at least. 🎧 Ah! Maybe I'll send her a text then! I wonder if she'll be surprised—? 🎧 I wanna introduce her to everybody, and I wanna invite her to an event... I've got so much to tell her about! 🎧 Alright! I'm gonna do my best at our next event, so I can surprise Nagi-san~!!

The event the ends with Ken thinking; Maybe it's about time I finally tell her about everything... [Summary ends here] In this event we get a clear view of An's childhood: she has been singing since she was very young, showing a lot of skill even back then, singing freely and without worrying much. However, we also see that she struggled with loneliness and always wanting the attention of those she loves. It's pretty likely that her abandonment issues originate from here, since she felt like Nagi and the others were being taken away from her. (You could also say she struggles with jealousy, although I feel like the loneliness and anxiety of being left behind are bigger parts of her character.) However, thanks to Nagi, she learns that everyone, including the town, truly cares and loves her, but the town and its people are also important to them, since they've also been a pretty important of their lives; they're all like a big family. And An realizes this, too, and she learns that she should give back all this love to the town and its people, too. The town is extremely important, and the key to surpassing RAD WEEKEND. Furthermore, we see how Nagi was a very important part of An's life: always hanging out with her, practicing with her, training and teaching her... she's a role model to An, and the kind of person An wants to become — she would love to be like Nagi. In summary, in this event we learn the origin of An's "shackles" (her loneliness and abandonment issues), which seem to go away for now, but would later come back after RAD WEEKEND: with Nagi leaving her behind, with her struggling to find a partner, and later, with her increasing fear of Kohane leaving her behind.

Now here is An's 4☆ that was released along with The Vivid Old Tale. The event's card set is themed around sunflowers and a rural-like town, which fits the "old town tale" vibe of the event quite well. The first thing to mention is the name of the gacha set: Chasing After the Light of That Day Gacha. I believe this is a very fitting name, as sunflowers are known for always facing the sun, therefore chasing the light; and it also symbolizes Vivid BAD SQUAD chasing after their dream of surpassing RAD WEEKEND, which would be their light. Another way to view at it, too, is on a personal level for An, with her chasing after those days she spent with Nagi, and wanting to be reach her level and be with her, once again. Speaking of sunflowers, their meaning and symbolism are all positive aspects, such as optimism, happiness, positivity, among others; the ones that I feel stand out are "warmth, adoration, and dedication and love for family members and friends", "loyalty and strong bonds", and "lasting friendships". These stand out because of themes of not just the event, but Vivid BAD SQUAD in general; I believe love is one of the main themes in Vivid BAD SQUAD, and all the meanings mentioned above are associated with "love". (I've talked about love a few times in previous essays — mostly in Aibou, but like, romantically?, in relation to everyone in Vivid BAD SQUAD and how it's present in them; and also in The Gay Akito Thesis™, in which I mainly talk about Akito.) Love is a very important theme in Vivid BAD SQUAD, as there is many forms of love present in their stories and other content: love for the town and its people, as seen in this event; love for your friends, your family, and your close ones; and love for your partner, too. I won't delve too deeply into it here, as I already did so in the essays linked above, but it's a theme I really like. Getting back to the main topic of the essay, I feel like love could be associated with freedom and captivity, too, but in a more metaphorical way; having something to love means to have something that gives meaning to your life, and therefore, it doesn't tie you down to a meaningless life. On the other hand, though, it also works the other way around; having something you love can mean being tied down by that which you love. Curious. In An's case, she loves the town a lot, her family, Nagi and Taiga, and also her teammates, and her partner, Kohane. That love for Nagi and the others made her feel as if they didn't care for her when they couldn't spend time with her (and therefore reciprocate her love), but she later realized how, even if they aren't always there with her, they will always love and care for her; and how the town really cares about her, too, so she learns to love them back. Likewise, her love for RAD WEEKEND made her aspire to a big goal in her life. However, she struggled to find a partner for a long time, due to not finding someone who she truly felt was worthy of sharing her dream with — something who she could truly love and be with, which kept her tied down; she felt lonely and, possibly, unloved. But then she found someone who she quickly fell in love with, Kohane; the person she had been looking for, all this time — her one and only partner. However, the love for her partner also tied her down, too, as she struggled to let her be free and grow by herself, and ended up overprotecting her at first; and later, all of her partner's growth made her feel insecure and worried about being left by her. In a way, the love that finally gave her the freedom of finally having a partner also kept her captive in all the new feelings she was experiencing. Ah, love... so magical. Also, An's costume is named Loving Sunflower; love is present everywhere for those with eyes to see.

Furthermore, there is another noteworthy meaning in sunflowers, which is "A long life and lasting happiness"; but for those who don't know, the reason will become clear later. However, getting into the card itself: in the card, An is in the middle of a sunflower field, cheerfully smiling and with sunflowers behind her. She is dressed in a quite rural dress, which represents that old town vibe. Notably, An is the only card in the set (excluding the 2☆) that doesn't take place in a town itself, but I feel like a sunflower field is something that could be found in a rural town. It's pretty easy to see that this card set symbolizes the town and Vivid BAD SQUAD's love for it. There isn't much to mention that I haven't talked about above, but I feel, just like the Same Dreams, Same Colors cards, being surrounded by nature and the sunlight can symbolize freedom. She is happy and accepting the sunlight this time, after reminiscing about the past days, and remembering the person she admires, who she wishes to be able to meet and sing alongside with, once again, someday... Nagi.

Following The Vivid Old Tale there was Walk on and on, Touya's third focus event, where An got a 3☆ card. An didn't really have an important role in that event, as it pretty much focused on Touya and him getting started on trackmaking, and his bond with Akito. In regards to the card, the gacha set that came out with Walk on and on was From on a perch Gacha. In this set, the cards are themed after birdcages, mainly representing Touya and his journey with classical music, leaving behind a life that felt oppressive, and now being able to try out new things and be himself; essentially, leaving his cage and being able to fly free. An's card from this set is interesting since she's not inside a cage, unlike Touya and Kohane (although the former's cage is broken open, he's just remaining inside with his partner), though you can see a few cages in the background of this card. Instead, she's at the top of what looks like a tower; this could represent how An is already very skilled in music and/or how she has always been free and therefore not held back by a birdcage like the others. It could also symbolize how An is aiming for the top; or, even more, aiming for what's beyond the top... since she's looking up at the sky — or, another way to view it, looking up at heaven. Perhaps the fencing that surrounds the top of the tower could reference the fact that, while An is free and skilled, she still feels shackled by her feelings of insecurity and fear of being left behind, meaning she's kind of in a cage, too. Either way, there's quite a few elements that represent freedom and captivity in this card: most importantly, the birdcages in the background, normally associated with captivity, as birds are usually held in them; the sky, which has been mentioned a few times in this series of essays, due to how vast and encompassing it is, giving a big sense of freedom and how big the world is; and also the crows flying over An's head. Interestingly, they are white crows, which are quite rare. There is also white crows in Kohane's card, while Touya's card has black crows, so I'm leaning towards thinking the white crows are meant to represent An and Kohane, while the black crows represent Akito and Touya, which makes sense when taking into account their outfits' wings (which I'll talk about later).

White crows can represent things such as hope and purity, but also change and transformation; all these meanings fit pretty well, but I think the most important ones would be "change" and "transformation", as they fit not just the event story, but also Kohane's character, and how she keeps growing and transforming herself, showing all the potential she has. In her own card, Kohane gets up as she sees a white crow fly by, so that white crow could represent An and how she inspired Kohane to sing. Related to the "change" meaning, crows are also associated with omens — that something bad is about to come... which does fit, considering what would unfold in upcoming Vivid BAD SQUAD events... Finally, while not really related to the topic and mainly as a fun fact (which was also mentioned in Kohane's part): there is a white left wing on the back of Kohane's outfit, and it's likely that An has a matching white right wing on her back — you can actually see a tiny bit of it in her card, but that’s the only instance you can see it, so you can’t make any real conclusion. However, it’d make sense for this to be the case, since just like Akito and Touya, An and Kohane are partners and complete each other.

Following their second event, 「JET」, which takes place after Walk on and on, and then negotiating with Crawl Green's owner during Find A Way Out (summary for Find A Way Out is available at The Gay Akito Thesis™; but the event is exclusively about Akito, so it's not really important here): in Kick it up a notch, Kohane's third focus event, it's decided that their next event will take place at Crawl Green. During the story, Taiga, who will be attending their event, imposes a challenge on Kohane, which is singing solo for the opening act of the event. Kohane practices relentlessly to give the best performance possible, and during their third event, 「RISE」, she gives an amazing solo performance that surprises everyone. An is shocked at Kohane's performance. It reminds her of Nagi. Kohane is amazing, after all. But more than that... she thinks how Kohane still hasn't reached her ceiling — Kohane has even more potential... and it scares An. Following Kohane's solo performance, everyone else performs, with Vivid BAD SQUAD going last. Their event turned out to be an amazing success, much better than their previous ones, thanks to Kohane's solo performance. However, ever since her performance, An has been acting weird... she tries not to worry about it, but her worries only seem to grow since that. Despite being a Kohane focus event, this event is a major moment for An's character (in a bad way, actually), since her insecurity reaches its peak here. Her worries of being left behind by Kohane grow further as she witnesses Kohane's singing getting even more impressive. She thinks her partner is amazing, and she wants to genuinely congratulate her but... she hesitates, because she's scared. Of Kohane and of her skill. She hates these feelings but she doesn't want to show them, she doesn't want to look uncool in front of her partner, so she's keeping them in for now.

The gacha set that came out along with Kick it up a notch was Let out the Lambs Gacha. In this card set, Vivid BAD SQUAD's characters are depicted in prisoner outfits, and it has many elements that commonly represent freedom and captivity, such as shackles and chains, along with the prisoner outfits themselves. Furthermore, the set’s gacha name itself (Let out the Lambs Gacha) also represents freedom. An got a 4☆ in this event. In her card, she's standing in front of an open door, with chains lying on the floor. Behind her, the room is in a pretty ravaged state. The way I see it, this card takes place after Kohane's 4☆ card, with An finding the room where Kohane was being kept in empty, and all the wreckage that can be seen in An's card could be interpreted as having been done by Kohane. I feel it symbolizes Kohane's immense talent being allowed out of its cage, and wreaking havoc due to how powerful Kohane has become. An appears after the damage has been done, finding the aftermath of Kohane having been freed. She looks shocked, hesitant, and slightly afraid, since there's nothing she can do anymore — the beast has been freed. All that would represent how An feels: her partner keeps growing and getting stronger, surpassing all obstacles in her way, and she fears her — she fears getting left behind by her. Perhaps, this card represents An's fears? For the elements that represent freedom and captivity: we see broken chains on the floor around where An is standing; those chains should be the chains that were keeping the door that An is standing in front of locked. Since the chains were broken, it means that whatever they were holding inside has been freed, and therefore they'd represent freedom. Among the chains there is a lock, but the chains have been broken in a forceful way while the lock is intact, which means that whatever was in the room forced its way out — or rather, it was forced out, since the chains would logically be on the other side of it. Relating this aspect to Kohane, it would signify how hard she worked to become even more powerful, letting the beast inside of her out.

We also have An's prisoner outfit. The most notable aspect of it is the collar she's wearing, which features a chain; it's very reminiscent of a shackle. This would represent captivity, and how An feels trapped and held back by her feelings and fears. Viewing it in a more philosophical way, shackles are usually worn on the arms or legs, and wearing one on the neck is quite rare; since shackles are meant to limit movement, wearing one on the neck would mean limiting the movement of the head, and thus be unable to look at your surroundings. Considering An is now fully aware of her insecurity and fears, it would mean that she's unable to see anything else beyond that? She pretends to be fine, but these feelings are holding her back and don't let her be fully free. Another thing to mention is the sunlight, which also appeared in previous An cards in this essay. The room in the card is mainly dark, but there's a sunlight beam breaking into the room — this sunlight is only illuminating An's legs, with her upper body being in the shade. Perhaps this could represent how An is being consumed by her negative thoughts, or rather the darkness, and no longer feels the freedom that is the sunlight. In summary, I think this card represents An's fears turning true: Kohane's singing has gotten so good and powerful, with her not holding back and not getting stopped by anything, and An is now fully afraid of being left behind by her partner. She is now a prisoner of her insecurity. However, the worst for An is yet to come...

... But first, following Kick it up a notch, we have In the Corner of a Resonant Town, which is Shiho's second mixed focus event. In this event, while visiting Vivid Street, Shiho happens to overhear An singing by herself late at night; she found An's singing to be powerful, but at the same time, it made her heart ache. When she returns to Vivid Street, visiting WEEKEND GARAGE to get some posters from Kohane, she talks with An, saying she heard her sing the previous day, but An says she was simply practicing to be able to put her feelings into her song more. Listening to her sing at WEEKEND GARAGE, Shiho notices it's different from the previous time: while it is a great song, it lacks that intensity from last time. After her performance, An thinks how it's still not good enough, and how she has to keep practicing and singing... to not get left behind. Following that day, Shiho happens to meet An once again while she's out buying groceries, and An helps Shiho with her shopping. Once they're done, they chat for a bit; bringing up singing, Shiho starts thinking about An again, mulling over why her singing sounded different when she sang at WEEKEND GARAGE compared to that time when she was singing by herself at night... it was overwhelming, and it made her heart ache, and she wonders why An sang like that. Maybe there was a special reason? But, before she can ask her about it, An notices they're doing some kind of special event: a "flower viewing goldfish exhibit", which they decide to check out together. In there, they happen to meet Ena. After introducing herself, and chatting for a bit, they leave her be while they check around the exhibit; they later meet her again, and she shows them her drawings, which they're impressed by, and understanding the messages Ena was trying to convey. Although Ena thinks she's not good enough yet, she's working hard to improve (and they compare her to her brother, Akito, who is also a stoic hardworker). When Ena talks about how she wants to work hard for her friends, who have grown a lot recently, An seems to relate to that feeling: she, too, wants to work hard and not get left behind by her partner and teammates. Following that, they split up. Then, going back to Vivid Street, Shiho overhears An's singing again. This time, she's singing differently to how she did at WEEKEND GARAGE, with an intensity that makes Shiho's heart ache. Hearing her sing like that, Miku thinks that An is singing like she's trying to catch up to something.

After she finishes singing, An spots Shiho and they talk a bit. Shiho compliments An's singing, saying it was impressive; she put a lot of her feelings into it, and it was a really good song. Although An brushes off the compliments, Shiho says that the song reminded her of her bandmates — the song was incredibly powerful, like An is thinking of someone really important to her, that she wants to be with no matter what... someone she's chasing after. An wonders why she thinks that, and Shiho explains that it's about her band: she's the one with the most experience at performing, and until recently she had been matching her performance with them; but then everyone started changing, telling Shiho they'd definitely catch up to her so that she could perform at her fullest, and An's singing reminded her of the serious look that Shiho's bandmates had when they told her they'd catch up to her. Telling her she was right on the mark, An explains her story to her: her dad has always done music in the town, and with teammates that he found in it, he created RAD WEEKEND, a local legendary event. And then, her dream of wanting to surpass that event was born; right now, she's working hard towards that with her team. She continues that, recently, she and her teammates have been hosting events of their own, and their most recent one was really good. She also mentions how amazing her teammates are; especially Kohane who, from the first moment she met her, has always been a partner she can be proud of, making her heart race from the moment she first heard her singing. Even though Kohane hasn't been singing for long, she grows so fast that you don't even have time to waste being surprised. Then, she says that Kohane is almost too amazing, though before she tells Shiho about their recent event, she cuts herself off, saying that she doesn't have time to float around in her thoughts, but she started getting a little nervous. That's why she practices like that when she has any free time. She definitely wants to surpass RAD WEEKEND, but it's not just her dream anymore.

🎧 By Kohane's... by everybody's side, I'll sing, and we'll make our dream come true together.

Shiho understands those feelings, and she feels them too. An wants to make her dreams come true with the people most important to her. The feelings and performances of her bandmates give Shiho strength; and Shiho tells An that she thinks, for An too, those feelings shouldn't go to waste — they'll lead her team even higher, and become one of the driving forces towards their goal, and An replies she'd like it if it could. Following that, Shiho asks An if she wants to hear a song that Leo/need is going to play at their one-man live. As she listens to Shiho play, and how she's performing with such strong feelings, she thinks how Shiho's seriously facing her music head-on; it's something she won't regret dedicating her life to, because that's how much faith she places in that dream, with unwavering passion — there's not a single doubt in her mind. After Shiho's done playing, An suggests they do one more song — this time together. They have a lot of fun performing together, with An varying her singing and changing her rhythm, and Shiho putting various phrases, making for a great session where they push each other forward. Also, Nene happens to be around there, thinking about how to perform her next role, when she spots them performing. This makes her think how she has to put her all into it, too. Once the girls are done, Nene approaches them, asking if she can sing with them too — and then they all sing together. The story then ends with Shiho inviting An and Nene to Leo/need's one-man live before they leave. Finally, Shiho talks a bit with Miku, telling her she's glad she's doing music, and how she wants to keep doing music along with her friends always. While not an An focus event, I think it's a significant event for her character because she voices out how she feels about Kohane after Kick it up a notch, and talking with someone that understands how she feels helps An in her path to settle these feelings, and eventually get rid of the shackles that is her fears and insecurity towards her partner.

And with the In the Corner of a Resonant Town event came the Swaying, Fluttering Maidens Gacha, a gacha set featuring Shiho, An, Ena, and Leo/need Miku. Along with the Nene event 3☆ card, this card set features the girls underwater, with sakura flowers, fishbowls, and goldfishes; this set definitely represents the "flower viewing goldfish exhibit" that the girls visited during the story. I feel like there isn't much to say about An's 4☆ card, but it does feature some freedom and captivity elements, such as the fishbowls, where fishes are usually contained in. However, due to being underwater, the fishbowls don't really serve much of a purpose and the fishes can swim freely out of it. Following on that, as a fish, being underwater can be considered freedom, since the fish isn't contained anywhere; on the other hand, if you aren't a fish, well... being underwater is far from freeing, since a human can't last long without breathing air. One last detail I'd like to mention is that some of the card set's cards feature goldfishes that represent the characters' teammates: Shiho has three goldfishes (purple, and two that look like yellow and a lightish orange or brown), which would represent Ichika, Saki, and Honami; Nene, too, has three goldfishes in her card (pink, orange, and a dark pink / purple one), representing Emu, Tsukasa, and Rui; and then An only has one, which looks like it's pink, representing Kohane. Arguably, it can also be seen as a bit orange (Akito), but considering the story treats An's feelings about Kohane, and Kohane's her one and only partner, it makes more sense to think it represents Kohane, and not Akito. Just stating facts.

[Long summary incoming. I'd really recommend reading it if you haven't read the event, because this is a very important event for An and Vivid BAD SQUAD's story in general.] Afterwards, we got Light Up the Fire, An's fourth focus event. The story begins with Vivid BAD SQUAD hanging out at MEIKO's café, where they watch the footage of their third event along with Rin and Len. They comment on how good Kohane's solo performance was, and An thinks about how Kohane's getting close to Nagi's level, while she is... but she stops her train of thought there. She can't let herself think like that; she can go there too. They'll do it together. After watching the video, they excuse themselves, since Taiga called them and told them to with the rest of their group because he has something important to tell them. They think it may be a farewell because he's leaving to America. They then all meet with Taiga at Vivid Street. He has got a few things to talk about with them. First off, as Kohane told everyone, he's going back to America; he stayed longer than he should have, but he thinks it's fine, since he got his money's worth out of it — he's glad to have been able to see their third event before he left. He thinks it was a good event. It shook him to his core for the first time in a while. However, he has something else to tell them: the fact that if they keep this up, their dreams will never come true. As long as they continue like this, they'll never surpass RAD WEEKEND for as long as they live. Never. Everyone's confused at his words, so he explains: it's because they haven't realized what they're trying to surpass yet. Begging for further explanation, he keeps going, saying that, to make a good event, while each individual's skill is important, you also have to have a sense of unity between your teammates and the audience. Nobody wants to see a live that's just about one person alone. Their group has good connections — they all have the same feelings. And RAD WEEKEND is no exception to the rule. It was an event like that, too. It was a gathering of people of the highest skill level. The teams and the audience became one — that's how it came into being. They respond, saying, if that's the case, don't they stand a chance too? They became unified with the goal of surpassing RAD WEEKEND. And Taiga then replies that that's right, it's because they were able to clear that that he sensed potential in all of them. However, the reason they won't be able to surpass it is simple. It's overwhelmingly... not enough. An says that it's true that, compared to them, they're not nearly good enough, but if they keep building their strength, they'll be able to do it someday. But, Taiga says that what he's talking about is not skills, it's "feelings". That night... it was born from one particular feeling. If it weren't for that, RAD WEEKEND wouldn't have turned out to be the event it was.

🐯 —"We'll make this event the best one possible, one worthy of being the end of her life." That's what it was.

An nervously asks, who's "her"? Then, she remembers. She thinks back on the day Nagi left for America. She left without telling An... She would've liked to at least see her off. Ken says that Nagi would've felt lonely if she saw An, so An says she'll definitely get an apology out of her when she's back. There's no way... but... that's not... huh?

🐯 That night— was a certain musician's final event. 🐯 We sung until we turned into embers for that person. And the audience carved each and every moment into their memories.

... And, that particular musician was... ...

🐯 It was Nagi. 🐯 RAD WEEKEND was an event meant to crown off the end of my younger sister's life. The life of Kotaki Nagi. 🐯 ...She was diagnosed with an illness. In the few months she had left to live, we hosted one final event in this town before she left this world. 🐯 —That was. RAD WEEKEND.

An is in shock. She thinks this must be a bad taste joke. Nagi went to America, didn't she? Everyone in town says that, too... Nobody said anything about Nagi dying... and Taiga responds that she should be able to figure it out.

🐯 —The people in this town, they think of you, and Nagi, like their own family. 🐯 If it was for you two, it'd be the easiest thing in the world to live a lie.

They all conspired to keep it a secret. They all kept quiet, even after Nagi died. Why would they even do that?

🐯 For one reason— Nagi asked for it herself. 🐯 ...The fact Nagi's not in this world anymore is something the people in this town've known for a while. 🐯 The ones who don't know, are the ones who came to this town from outside— 🐯 and you, An.

It has to be lie... It's such an insane story...

🐯 ...The people in this town watched over Nagi for as long as she lived. When she was still a crybaby, and ever since. 🐯 —That's why I'm sure they all went along with trying to protect the last piece of herself.

An realizes he's not lying. It's not a lie. Which means... Nagi is... Angry, she asks him, why did they only keep it from her? And he responds. Because Nagi asked for it herself. And for the rest — ask Ken, since he still has one more thing to tell them all. The people who watched RAD WEEKEND should be aware of it now more than ever, of the overwhelming "gap" between their skills. And offering them a borrowed microphone and speakers, he tells them to use them however they want. Taiga wants them to face against him... And An explodes.

🎧 Now... Now's not the time for something like this, is it?! 🎧 Explain it! Explain it properly! What happened to Nagi-san...?! Tell me what happened, tell me everything! All of it!!!

Seeing she doesn't get it, Taiga begins singing. He wants them to face him — they have to do it. They're gonna surpass it, aren't they? Nagi's end — the night that was born at the end of the feelings of everyone in town... RAD WEEKEND. The townspeople quickly rush to hear Taiga'’'s singing; they'’'re impressed, but surprised at Vivid BAD SQUAD, Arata, Kotaro, and EVER also being there. They realize that everyone is having a match against Taiga. The townspeople think they might have a shot — they're aiming to surpass RAD WEEKEND, after all. Akito says this isn't a fight they can run away from, despite what everyone might be thinking or feeling. Taiga is tired of waiting, and calls EVER up first. Tatsuya is uncertain they can do this, but they have to try anyway. He announces his resolve, and the townspeople think that EVER is an above average team. Taiga praises their effort, but it's not enough; he crushes EVER, and brings Kotaro to the stage. Kotaro tries his best, but the town says that he sucks shit; his efforts are useless next to Taiga, who is serious about this now — it’s not enough. Defeating him too, Taiga insults Kotaro and moves on to Arata, who is up next. Arata announces his own determination — he won't be saying ���surpass” so halfheartedly anymore. He says that he's doing this not just for his dream — but for Souma's as well. He puts up a good performance, but it's still not enough. Taiga pushes even further, and blows the crowd away. Arata is defeated, and Taiga asks if he really is carrying Souma's dream. He says he’s not looking at either the town, or the audience, that he’s just singing for himself. Taiga says he's experienced this before, and says that while he’s told him to look at the town before — he should look at himself first, then Taiga dismisses him.

Then, Akito, Touya, and Kohane all decide they must take this fight no matter what. They need to know the gap. They'll go on ahead without An, who is still devastated by the information learned. Seeing how the rest of her team are all doing rough, and An decides she can't waste time anymore. Despite how cloudy her head is, despite how she can’t understand anything going on, she realizes shouldn't think at all — she should just sing, because that’s all she knows how to do. She realizes that singing is calming her — these messy feelings, they're becoming clearer for her. This pushes Kohane up, and then Akito, and then Touya. She decides to throw everything she's got at Taiga, no matter what it is. She thinks about Nagi, but it's distracting her. She thinks she HAS to forget about Nagi. But she can't… and her voice begins to tremble again. Taiga taunts her again, saying that's all she's got? That's all that Nagi's teaching amounted to? An snaps at this, and pushes her singing even further. Toya, Akito, and Kohane all grab onto An's lead, and the townspeople are thoroughly impressed. It's the best song they've heard. But it's still, overwhelmingly, not enough. Taiga sings RADder's song — and absolutely decimates them with his powerful singing. The townspeople watch and feel bad. It's useless to even try. You definitely cannot surpass that. Taiga says this is the wall they're trying to surpass, and this is his lesson to them. After this, he leaves them crushed in his wake. It's night now. Ken runs into Taiga. Ken says he's heard about what happened. Taiga says he wasn't gonna let it end halfheartedly. He told them about Nagi, and that the “next generation” needs to know about it. He says the rest is Ken's job — he's done here now. Arata, EVER, and Kotaro all leave the dream of RAD WEEKEND behind one by one — Arata couldn't talk back to Taiga that he was carrying Souma’s dream no matter what; Tatsuya and EVER felt a fear of something truly unwinnable; and Kotaro cries out about how it's all so impossibly hard and they shouldn't dream for things outside of their reach. VBS is left behind alone to wallow in their defeat, before Ken arrives onto the scene as fast as he could. An confronts Ken over not telling them about Nagi.

🎧 ... I heard. 🎧 So you knew too... didn't you, dad...? 🎧 You knew this whole time... and you never told me... 🕶 An... 🎧 ... Why? 🎧 ... Why!? Why!!? 🎧 Why am I the only one who didn't know something so important!? 🎧 Isn't that messed up!? I thought you were all my friends, I thought we were family!! 🎧 Then, why!? Why was I the only one…!? 🕶 — Because Nagi wanted it that way. 🎧 ... I don't get it at all! 🎧 As if I could understand... an explanation like that...!!

Apologizing, Ken says it's best to talk about this in the cafe. Inviting the four members to the cafe, he says this is going to be a long story. He decides to explain everything from the very start: Taiga and Ken's history of meeting, and how he was introduced to Nagi. Nagi brought them the idea of being the best in the world — something Ken felt was stupid at first, but that, as long as he was with them… maybe anything could come true. The resulting setup at Crawl Green, and getting picked up by a record label. The opening begins with a long, extended flashback of RADder. The three of them abandon their current label, and decide to start their own; despite how difficult it is, it's just their nature to take the hard long path. Several years later, An is born, and they discuss recording music and an overseas American tour. Taiga mentions to Ken that he's worried about Nagi — who passed out from anemia recently. Suddenly, Taiga and Ken receive a call from Nagi — an urgent rush to get them to the hospital. It's there that Nagi tells them that she has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and there's no point in treatments — there's little chance she could recover. Both Ken and Taiga are in disbelief, unable to process the situation. Nagi tells them that she won't be able to take the world with them, and that she only has roughly five months left to live. Nagi tells them that it's up to them to decide their future, because she’ll only be here so long. The chapter ends with Taiga crying out “Why did it have to be Nagi?!” Nagi watches over An practicing while thinking about what little time she has left, and how the townspeople took care of her just like they are doing for An. Nagi decides she wants to celebrate her last days in this town, together with everyone.

Nagi invites Ken and Taiga to discuss her plan, she wants to create one final event in this town she loves so much. She acknowledges it's selfish, but she wants the two of them to be with her in this. She knows it's going to be hard on her body, but she wants to do it anyways. She tells them about how, after watching An earlier, she knows that there will always be someone singing in this city. That this event they do — might just inspire people to carry on. That her dream — their dream, would live on in this next generation. Ken understands Nagi's thinking, but Taiga isn't really on board with the idea of entrusting such a dream to outsiders. He declares that their music will be the best, and that Nagi will be hearing it even in the afterlife — even if she wore earplugs. Nagi decides she needs some teammates for this event, and Ken stops to ask Nagi about when they plan on telling An. Nagi says that she doesn't think they should tell An, and that there's another reason. She meets with the COL owner, who states she will shut down COL after this event, and Nagi thinks it'll be a bit lonely. RADder invites the members of RUST and the members of GLaP day to their entourage, both agreeing to perform because it's Nagi's last event, and that they'd regret it for the rest of their lives if they turned this offer down. They practice hard, and Nagi is really impressive despite her condition. After practice, Ken and Taiga run into a whimpering, struggling Nagi. The two men struggle to help her, and Nagi says she’s been struggling more and more, the pain is getting worse, the medicines aren't working as well, and she's really afraid of death and regretful of the fact she'll never get to grow old with the town. Nagi asks them for something strange…

One month before the event, Nagi brings everyone in the town to COL. She announces her cancer to everyone and that she won't be alive much longer, and that she plans to host one final event here — RAD WEEKEND. Everyone from this town declares that they will definitely be there. Nagi then says that she has one other weird request — that, even when she's dead, please don't say that; she wants people to say she has gone somewhere else. Nagi says she wants to keep living, but that's impossible now, and that she might be able to live on in some way if people say that she's elsewhere. She's aware her request is awfully selfish. The Crawl Green owner steps up to say that they’ve supported her this far, and they’ll just keep supporting her dream even after. Also, after someone mentions An, Nagi asks everyone that she never wants this mentioned to An, and the town complies with her request. The big day comes. Nagi admits to her crew that it's difficult to even sleep now; she's afraid of closing her eyes. But when she was with them, it was easier — that while singing, she was able to have fun. Nagi goes on stage, and puts out a really stunning performance. Taiga says to Ken that Nagi's song gave birth to a new heat — one he's never experienced before, that they should make this a day they'll never forget, that this is just something they want to do. After their legendary performance, Taiga asks Ken what he wants to do next. Ken decides he wants to see what's next, and Taiga wants to keep going higher. Nagi says she'll just have to keep watching from heaven. Two weeks later, Nagi is at the hospital, weaker than ever. Nagi asks about the town — in which case, it's fired up more than ever. Taiga talks about Ken's retirement and opening a cafe. Ken talks about An, and how she's looking for a partner now, and Nagi ruminates on what type of partner An might have. Ken asks Nagi if she's really okay with not telling An, and that he could come bring her. Nagi says it's fine, and begins to explain that she's sure An will go beyond their dream.

💖 If that next generation really exists, I'm absolutely, absolutely sure that An will be one of them. 💖 A kid like her, who grew up so loved by everyone in this town, and who loved everyone in return, will definitely be able to naturally put her feelings into song. 💖 So, if she meets someone hurting, she'll be able to be there for them, and if she meets someone who's scared, she'll be able to encourage them and tell them everything will be alright. She'll be able to sing honestly, for someone else's sake. 💖 What I realised in this town, the most important lesson for someone to learn about singing, An already knows better than anyone — 💖 That's why, I believe that An will be able to go beyond my... beyond our dream, for our sake. 🕶 ... 💖 But, An's still a kid... 💖 And if I die, she'll be in pain, no matter what. 💖 All of her memories of me... her memories of singing might become something painful. 💖 And if that happens... she might stop singing. 💖 And I... don't want that to happen. 🕶 ... I see. 💖 ... I really am selfish, aren't I?

Nagi explains that she wants to be there with them — even if she's just a name. She says that if An ever gets strong enough to know the truth — to please explain it to her... to tell her Nagi believes in her. Nagi thanks Taiga for teaching her how to sing, and that it was the most fun life she could have had. And then, one week later... Nagi quietly drew her last breath. ...

🕶 ... And that's everything that led to RAD WEEKEND and RADder disbanding.

Hearing the story until the end, everyone is shocked, in pain, and speechless... especially An. She thinks about Nagi's words, "I want you to talk to her properly… and tell her I believe in her."

🎧 Nagi…san… 🎧 …You could've told me yourself… 🎧 Now I… I can't even… 🎧 I can't even say thank you…

Sobbing as she said that, she begins crying even more as she keeps talking.

🎧 I still had so much… I wanted to say… 🎧 I wanted you to meet Kohane… and Akito… and Touya…! And I wanted you to tell me that I found good teammates…! 🎧 And when I finally surpassed RAD WEEKEND…! I wanted you to be there to see it…! 🎧 But…! 🎧 You're not even here anymore…! 🎧 That's… too cruel…!

At this point, An breaks down, crying out Nagi's name.

🎧 Nagi-san…! Nagi-san…! 🎧 You said… you'd stand on stage with me…!! 🎧 Nagi-san…!!

Everyone stays silent for a bit, but then her dad speaks up. He says that Nagi was thinking about An, up until the very end. She believed in her; that An would walk in the light beyond their dream. He then gives a speech to An, telling how he feels:

🕶 An. 🕶 I believe in you all, too. Just like Nagi. 🕶 When I saw your third event the other day, I was certain. 🕶 You've become a person capable of putting on an event like that. You've made teammates that you can rely on. 🕶 You're more than strong enough. 🕶 … Of course, there'll be obstacles in your path. 🕶 Like me, you'll worry about your capacity to grow, and think you've hit the wall of what you're capable of… countless times. 🎧 Ah… 🕶 Even still, you… you can go beyond this. Beyond that dream that Nagi couldn't see through to its end. 🕶 With the teammates you have at your side right now.

... Beyond RADder's dream? An thinks back… about their duel with Taiga… and about Nagi. And she makes a decision: she won't hesitate anymore. Nagi believed in her — that they'd be able to move forward, beyond her dream. And in that case, she'll surpass it — she'll definitely surpass RAD WEEKEND, and prove that she can go beyond the dream RADder shared. Following that, the rest of her team speaks up: In the past, he ran away upon realizing the big gap in skill between him and his father, and his duel with Taiga reminded him of that. But now, it's different — Touya won't run away anymore.

☕ I want to surpass that wall. ☕ I want to surpass RAD WEEKEND — and witness that unknown scenery with my own eyes. ☕ ... Isn't that right, Akito?

Akito, too, shares his partner's feelings; for a bit, he doubted he could surpass that — an event where someone literally put her life on the life to create it, to mark the end of her life, along with her teammates and the town.

🥞 But… there's no use in wondering about something like that. 🥞 I decided from the start that I would surpass it. 🥞 I refuse to turn back now!

Finally, Kohane. She wishes she could've met Nagi — so that she could tell her, that because An found her and believed in her, Kohane's able to sing like this now. Unfortunately, she can't tell her that anymore, but she can respond to the feelings that Nagi left for them...

🐹 Let's do it, An-chan… together!

Thanking everyone, An tells them that they'll do it. Together. They'll gain more strength, and find the rest of their group, again. This is where it all really starts!

🎧 Let's surpass RAD WEEKEND!

Finally, the event ends with Vivid BAD SQUAD starting to think about what they're gonna do, moving forward. Watching them, Ken wondering if Nagi's watching over them; he thinks, the next generation that she believed in... they're definitely growing up here. Then, decided, he thinks that he has to get serious, too, thinking about what he can do for them now. [Summary ends here] First of all, credits to my friend Dainn for summarizing chapters 3 to 7 of the event; thanks a lot for your contribution! This event is incredibly important not just for Vivid BAD SQUAD's storyline, as they learn the whole story behind RAD WEEKEND and what they're chasing after; but also for An, as she learns the truth behind Nagi's sudden disappearance... and it's much worse than she could've ever imagined. Not only everyone had been lying to her for years, but one of the most important people to her, the person she wanted to reunite with, that she wanted to meet again and show how much she had grown... was dead, all along. Truly, it was a very crushing event story. However, An and the rest of Vivid BAD SQUAD make a decision: they will continue chasing after the dream of surpassing RAD WEEKEND. They will no longer hesitate, and they will do this, no matter what — with Nagi's final wish on their backs, as the next event will show. The concepts of freedom and captivity in this event are analyzed in the following card analysis section, but I think that "life and death" can both be associated with freedom and captivity in this event. Furthermore, getting a bit philosophical, An being the only person from the town that didn't know about Nagi's death would be, in a way, captivity; she was being kept away from the truth. But sometimes, being granted the freedom of learning the truth is not always good, as the truth can be very painful. However, understanding the whole story can make us stronger and more determined to carry out not just our own goal, but also the will of those who have left us behind. By inheriting Nagi's goal of conquering the world, and carrying out her wish of wanting the next generation to go beyond what she accomplished, they're granting her final will, inspired by her — and that is what freedom is, in a way: your memory being spread even after your death, and through that, you're able to live on.

The gacha set that came with Light Up the Fire was One's Dear Ones Gacha. For this card set, the Vivid BAD SQUAD characters are dressed in mostly black outfits, with some red accents that mainly come from their vests or the inside of their jackets. Furthermore, their shirts have the skeleton of a torso. They're pretty much funeral outfits, mourning Nagi's death. In An's card, we see her standing in front of a fence, with cosmos flowers around her. They're mostly white cosmos, but the ones that surround An are predominantly red. These flowers are also featured on the characters' outfits, making up most of the red details in them. On the other side of the fence, directly behind An, is Nagi, sitting on a white pedestal, wearing her hospital gown. Then, in the background of the card we can see what looks like walls, with stained glass-like on each division, and an arch in the middle of the walls. Needless to say, there's a lot of death-related imagery in this card. There's a lot to analyze in this card, so let's go by parts. First of all we have the outfit. As mentioned, it's a lot like a funeral outfit, being mostly black and dark. An interesting detail to mention, first off, is the fact that An usually wears little star accessories in her hair, but in this outfit, they're not present at all. Either way, the red details in her outfit are actually mainly made up of red cosmos flowers. The universal meaning of cosmos flowers are peace, harmony, and love; and for red cosmos especifically, it's love and passion. Deep love and strong feelings... it's quite fitting. As mentioned before, love is a quite important theme in Vivid BAD SQUAD, especially in An, and despite everything that happened, An still holds that love she always has. She wants to show all her love for Nagi as she mourns her. Something interesting about the outfits in this card set is that they all have a brooch of a specific animal: a deer. There's many different views of what deers represent; in the past, they were viewed as sacred, and it was believed they had the ability to move between the worlds (the world of the living and the "otherworld"). They're also viewed as a symbol of spiritual authority in many cultures. Their antlers are one of the characteristics that have made it the figure of a spiritual authority; like a crown, the antlers grow beyond its body, bringing it closer to the sky. During a deer's life, the antlers fall off and grow again, and the animal is also a symbol of regeneration.

The deer, which is related in many traditions with kindness, softness and gentleness, is, in one way or another, an animal that is connected to the gods and the sacred. One of the reasons for this could be its physical characteristics – its stare, its agility, its speed and its antlers— which inspire those values and symbols in the imagination of humans and in its metaphorical nature. (source)

In short, deers have actually been associated with sacred and spiritual meanings, which makes it quite fitting for these outfits and their association to life and death. By wearing a deer-shaped brooch, it symbolizes Vivid BAD SQUAD's regeneration (despite having been defeated by Taiga, they still aim to surpass RAD WEEKEND and carry out Nagi's final wish), and in An's card's case, that link between worlds (the world of the living, where An is; and the world of the deceased, where Nagi is). Furthermore, the most common symbolism for deers is strength, power, and transformation, all fitting Vivid BAD SQUAD, and their determination to keep going. Continuing with An's card, the usage of cosmos flowers are a good choice; since cosmos can symbolize peace and tranquility, using them for this card set that is so closely tied to death and mourning feels right. White cosmos in particular, which are the most common ones in the card, are associated with purity. On the other hand, red cosmos symbolize love, passion, and strong feelings. We see red cosmos mainly on the characters' outfits, and around An. She's also holding some in her hand. This kind of parallels her The Vivid Old Tale card: in it, she was happily holding sunflowers, hiding them behind her back; on the other hand, in this card, she's serious and mourning. What stands out is that both flowers can symbolize similar things; most importantly, love. But what makes it distinct is what they represent for each card: in the previous one, it represented An's love for the town and her gratefulness to them; while in this one, it represents her love for the one she lost. Something else to mention is how An is holding her fist to her chest, where her heart is. Of course, hearts are often associated with love. In the end, it's all about love, isn't it? The heart can also be associated with life, since having a heartbeat means you're alive. Curiously, life and death are also common themes in Vivid BAD SQUAD, especially Akito, and also An because of Nagi's story. These themes are noticeable in events such as Find A Way Out and its event song, Kashika (and kind of any Akito story content, really. But this isn't about him); and obviously the entirety this event. Speaking of life and death, this card clearly represents the two worlds that were mentioned before: the world of the living (An), and the world of the deceased (Nagi), with a fence (symbolizing death itself?) separating them. The arch in the background of the card could be considered as a gate of what lies beyond death; the gate to Heaven, in a way. The stained glasses do give off that religious imagery, as they're commonly found in churches. However, Nagi remains behind An, watching her back, rather than moving on. Perhaps due to her selfish wish of hiding the truth of her death, and therefore living on in everyone's memories, and not truly dying. Or maybe due to her regrets and not having been able to accomplish her dream... or the promises she made to An... That could be why she's a ghost in An's card.

Finally, there's a few ways to associate this card with the topic of the essay (freedom and captivity), the simplest one being the fence, which would symbolize death, separating An and Nagi. Death keeps them apart, and it's not possible to meet again... until the end of her life, at least, but let's not think about that. She still has a long life ahead of her. Therefore, death took Nagi from An, forever keeping her away. Speaking of which, I think the main association with freedom and captivity would be the topic of life and death itself. As I've mentioned before in the essay, if you're alive, that means you're free, right? However, life could also be your cage. As I've just said, by being alive, An can't be with Nagi anymore, since Nagi's no longer alive. In a way, life is what separates her from Nagi, what keeps her locked away from being with the one she admires. On the other hand, it'd be logical to think death would be associated with captivity, as it means losing your life, locking you away from the living world. But, I think death can also mean liberation; the most relevant example of this being Nagi, with death granting her the freedom of her incurable illness. She did not want to die, so death in this situation also meant "captivity", as it deprived her from living; but death was also her liberation from her suffering due to her body killing itself. In a way, both life and death are both freedom and captivity. To finish off this part, since this topic was very heavy, as my personal opinion, I think this card was very respectful and its meaning and symbolism were very good. I believe Light Up the Fire was a very special and meaningful event, and a really well done one. Rest in peace, Nagi.

(Note: This card is technically just here to divide the sections and is not particularly important, but you could say it has elements of freedom that have been seen before, such as the sky and the sunlight; and also planes, which I feel can represent freedom. Also I feel it represents new beginnings and hope. It's a quite nice card!) After being defeated by Taiga, On Your Feet shows the aftermath of the duel with him: the town has become dull and lifeless, with everyone having lost hope in Vivid BAD SQUAD and the rest. While Vivid BAD SQUAD are still decided on surpassing RAD WEEKEND, the rest of their group has given up on it; with Kotaro avoiding them, EVER having given up, and Arata already having left the town. Which means they're by themselves, once again. They make up their mind to surpass RAD WEEKEND, but making it their own thing — creating a legend of their own, an event that surpasses RAD WEEKEND while also carrying out Nagi's final wish. They also confront Taiga at the airport before he departs to America, Kohane thanking him for his support, but declaring that they'll surpass RAD WEEKEND no matter what. Furthermore, Ken-san decides to close Weekend Garage indefinitely to train and support Vivid BAD SQUAD in achieving their goal, thus ending Vivid BAD SQUAD's second arc. Following that, BURN MY SOUL happens (which I summarized in The Gay Akito Thesis™; it's an Akito focus event so not very relevant here), where we learn that Ken-san, in order to prepare Vivid BAD SQUAD for their big event, assigned various tasks to each member, along with some intensive training. The first one to go is Akito, who lights up a fire in the town once again, showing everyone that Vivid BAD SQUAD is still aiming to surpass RAD WEEKEND — or more correctly, that they will surpass RAD WEEKEND. Then, it's everyone else's turn... but first came Vivid BAD SQUAD's World Link event, BREAK DOWN THE WALL.

In BREAK DOWN THE WALL, a new area appears in the Street Sekai: a plaza that connects to many streets reminiscent of different countries, and a big wall surrounding everything, created by Vivid BAD SQUAD’s changes in feelings. In An's chapter, she is accompanied by Miku as they explore the new area. An is staring up at the big wall surrounding the plaza, to which Miku asks An what's on her mind. She was thinking about how the wall represents how they were thinking of RAD WEEKEND: a really tall wall. But, she says, they'll definitely surpass it. And in order to do that, she'll have to complete her task first. However, she's still stuck on her thing with Kohane. While she's confident about surpassing RAD WEEKEND, she is still held back by her feelings toward her partner. Kohane is the most important person to her, her one and only partner, and she always wants to stand by her side. But, before surpassing RAD WEEKEND, she'll definitely settle these feelings, because she won't be able to surpass it as long as she has doubts. After declaring that, they suddenly hear something breaking, and upon looking at the wall, they see a big crack on it. But they're interrupted when they hear someone singing. While Miku wonders whose voice it is, An immediately recognizes it. It couldn't be that person, though... Their footsteps getting closer, the source of the voice comes into view and: it's Nagi. An is shocked to see her, but Nagi suddenly starts walking away while singing, and An runs after her, asking her to wait. She wonders how Nagi is in that place, when she's already dead — would that mean she's a ghost? But despite her fear of ghosts, she keeps going after her. However, even though Nagi's simply walking, no matter how much An runs, she can't catch up to her. Miku thinks how it may be because it's the Nagi that An's feelings manifested — how An views her. An trips as she tries to catch up to Nagi, but Nagi just walks away, which makes An mad, complaining how Nagi's been like that; whenever she watched her practice, Nagi would leave if something else grabbed her attention, or how whenever they ate dinner together, Nagi'd head to the living room to watch the TV as soon as she finished. An begs her, with tears in her eyes, can't she wait for her a bit? At least in the Sekai. This prompts Nagi to momentarily stop, however, Miku notices she's staring at something else: the wall of a big building, which is buried in graffiti and flyers, yet the centre is completely blank. Even though she finally caught up to her, An doesn't know what to say, despite having so many things to tell her. And suddenly, Nagi pats An's head, just like she did back in the past in the construction site, when An ran away... and right after, she vanishes. An begins sobbing. Even though she finally thought she could talk to her, in the end, she couldn't say anything. But then, Miku notes how she can hear something, and An notices it's the song that she and Nagi once sang together, and she sings along.

🎧 ...I got it, Nagi-san. 🎧 I'll catch up to you in no time! 🎧 I'll run all the way to where you are, Nagi-san! 🎧 And then I'll run straight past you, in no time at all— 🎧 So look forward to it, Nagi-san!

She then thanks Miku for helping her; she feels super refreshed now. However, Miku still wonders why Nagi was staring at the empty wall, looking so lonely. Afterwards, in the final chapter of the event, Vivid BAD SQUAD all reunite in the central plaza again, after exploring the place. Kohane realized that the new area represents “a place where we can connect with music from all across the globe, and take the world”, explaining why it's shaped like that.

An then tells everyone that she saw Nagi, likely manifested by her feelings. She thinks that the graffiti in the central plaza's wall must have some meaning too, and she thinks the reason behind the empty spot in the wall must be:

🎧 Because this is a place for teams that take the world, I think.

In a place where music from all over the world comes together... they'll carve their names into the heart of it. Miku thinks, then, that the reason Nagi stopped to stare at the wall was because she left this world before she was able to carve her name into the wall in the plaza... And now, the people carrying her will are Vivid BAD SQUAD. With their minds made up, carrying Nagi's wish on their backs, An then declares that they have to do it; they have to create an event that'll let them carve its name in the very center of the world. And to make that happen, first they have to break down the wall.

An's 4☆ card from Vivid BAD SQUAD's World Link event; just like the previous World Link cards, I think there's a sort of freedom vs captivity theme going on here, with Kohane and Akito's cards being cheerful, bright, and in a more comic-like artstyle, while An and Touya's cards are dark and with a more realistic art. This fits them since Kohane and Akito sing more freely and without being held back by anything, always facing forward; while An and Touya are held back by things that bother them (her insecurity and his regrets, respectively), therefore struggling to be fully free. Besides that, there isn't much to mention in this card: it doesn't really represent what happened in An's World Link chapter (since the World Link events' cards mainly represent the characters and their unit themselves?). She does look cool and menacing in this card, though, showing how, despite everything, she's a strong girl.

And finally, following BURN MY SOUL and The first concerto, where Akito and Touya accomplished their tasks; in Whip the wimp girl!!, it's time for An to carry out her task. (I wrote an essay about this event here. Initially I wasn't gonna summarize the event at all here but... I kinda did it anyways; I copypasted a big part of the summary tbh. So, in the end, I ended up adapting a big part of that essay here.) An's task is to get everyone in town serious, to make them look at Vivid BAD SQUAD's way once again, and get them to genuinely think that they want to see them the moment they surpass RAD WEEKEND. They want to see Vivid BAD SQUAD accomplishing their dream, but they're also all still chasing after Nagi's shadow, and it's An's job to make them realize that Vivid BAD SQUAD will make a new legend as they carry Nagi's will with them. However, An's struggling to figure out how to carry out her task because her feelings for Kohane are getting in the way; they hold her back from approaching her task seriously, and she decides it's time to confront these feelings. First she talks with Miku and Akito, just like she did back in Bout for Beside You, wanting to figure out how to deal with this. However, Luka and Touya happen to overhear them talking, and Luka gives her a pretty simple suggestion: simply talking it out with Kohane. At first, An decides on doing that, but with her fear of disappointing Kohane overcoming her, she says it's fine to just stay like she currently is. Some time later, with An still trapped by this issue, Touya contacts her, since he was worried about her. Talking with her, he says that the way she looked when she refused to talk with Kohane reminded him of what he was like when he wanted to leave BAD DOGS; he hid his feelings from Akito because he was scared to disappoint him.

☕️ … At that time, I tried hiding my true feelings and distancing myself from Akito. ☕️ I couldn't tell him "I don't have the same dream as you." And that was— ☕️ That was because I didn't want him to be disappointed in me.

This makes An realize that she feels the same, too; she's scared of disappointing Kohane, of Kohane finding out that An is not as cool or as good as she thinks, and of Kohane leaving her because of these ugly feelings she's been hiding.

🎧 At the time, I said I just didn’t want to embarrass Kohane, but… in reality, I was just protecting myself. ☕️ … I understand. The more important the other person’s existence is, the greater the fear of disappointing them. ☕️ That’s why I suppressed my feelings, too.

Then, Touya tells her:

☕️ But— ☕️ By talking about everything, I became true partners with Akito. ☕️ The thought of disappointing someone is certainly scary… but there are new doors you can open up by expressing your feelings. ☕️ … At least, that's what I think.

Their conversation ends with An saying she’ll think about it, so that she can properly convey her feelings to Kohane. In her room, she ponders on how to tackle this issue when she starts reminiscing about Nagi and thinking what she'd do in this situation. An thinks, if Taiga and Ken were trying to reach higher than Nagi, she’d go, “I’m going ahead of you guys.”; rather than talking, she’d fight head-on. An then concludes that that’s what she should do, fighting Kohane; to become true partners. Sending a message to Kohane, they meet the next morning, where An finally opens up and tells her partner how she has been feeling all this time: her insecurity of getting left behind, of, one day, Kohane not finding her cool anymore, and of disappointing her partner.

🎧 I wonder if someday I won’t be able to make Kohane’s heart pound anymore… 🎧 Besides, I didn’t want Kohane to know I felt this way. 🎧 I was afraid I’d become a disappointment if I’m this uncool. 🐹 A disappointment!? 🎧 Yeah. I know.

But, An has made up her mind: in order to not get left behind by Kohane, she'll simply get ahead of her. By being better than her, by getting further ahead of her, she won’t have to worry about getting left behind by her. And to prove that, An wants to fight Kohane.

🎧 So I decided to— continue to surpass Kohane. 🎧 I will continue to stay ahead of Kohane. To prove that… I want to compete. 🐹 Beyond me… 🎧 I’m sorry for being overly selfish, but… 🎧 I want you to fight me. Please.

Kohane expresses joy at An, feeling happy that she was able to make An think of her as someone who she seriously wants to win against, and accepts the challenge.

🐹 You know… I’m just a bit… I felt so happy. 🎧 Happy…? 🐹 I’m sorry, it might not be the best idea to say this but… 🐹 I was able to make An-chan think of me as someone she seriously wants to win against. 🐹 Let’s do this, An-chan. 🎧 Thank you, Kohane.

As Kohane and An fight, they both relish in how amazing their partner is. They’re pouring all their feelings into their singing, giving it their all; neither wants to lose. They both think about each other as they face off, showing how much they care about each other, but still giving it their all in their fight. Neither of them wants to lose here.

🐹 (This is the song I’m going to win against An-chan with.) 🐹 (It’s completely different from when I’m usually singing next to you. My skin has been tingling ever since…) 🐹 (As expected, An-chan is so amazing.) 🐹 (However, I do not want to lose.) 🐹 (I learned a lot of things when I met An-chan and started singing, I’ve learnt to take pride in myself, I’ve learned how frustrating it is to lose.) 🐹 (So… I want to win!) 🐹 (I don’t want to lose, even to An-chan!!)

🎧 (Kohane… thank you so much for giving it your all.) 🎧 (I’ve been listening to Kohane sing next to me all my life… and today’s song is the best I’ve ever heard) 🎧 (Kohane… I guess she understands. If she doesn’t give her all, this match has no meaning.) 🎧 (…you know what, I’m still scared, even now that I’m competing head on like this.) 🎧 (Because if I lose here, I will live with this anxiety forever) 🎧 (I’ll be singing next to Kohane for the rest of my life… in fear) 🎧 (I will win, to stand next to Kohane with Pride!)

As she takes a breather from singing, An realizes everyone from the town is there. She’s glad everyone’s watching her, since it has always been this way; everyone has been looking after her. And with that, the stage for the battle is finally set; the victor of their match will be decided now. Kohane begins singing again, and An thinks about Kohane’s growth and talent, and how scary it is; but at the same time, so exciting.

🎧 (—Kohane may not understand properly yet, but she is the best partner for me.) 🎧 (She pulled out all the things that were lying dormant inside of me… my insecurities, my uncoolness, everything…) 🎧 (There were things I didn’t want to see, but now I’m glad I did.) 🎧 (…But, Kohane.) 🎧 (That’s not enough, I don’t like it.) 🎧 (I, too, want to drag her out too.) 🎧 (Kohane’s new powers, the feelings she didn’t know, everything, all of it.) 🎧 (I want to drag them out, with my singing!)

And then it’s An’s turn to sing. With the people of Vivid Street cheering for her; with the teachings and love from everyone; with the determination that has carried her up to this point; she’s An Shiraishi! And she can surpass everything! And with her amazing performance, the crowd goes wild. An wins against Kohane. Kohane concedes the win to An, telling her she’s amazing, but it’s still frustrating to lose; so she declares next time they fight, she’ll win:

🐹 Let’s fight again, An-chan. I’ll win next time. 🎧 …Yeah! But then again, I’ll win— 🎧 To continue being Kohane’s best partner! 🎧 (…I see, that’s what it was. To win, lose, overtake, be overtaken…) 🎧 (Then we both move on, I’m sure that’s the “partner” I wanted the most.)

Afterwards, An gives a speech to everyone who was watching them, declaring they are going beyond Nagi’s dream: An wants to carry Nagi’s feelings with her, and take them to the places Nagi couldn’t go to, carrying out her wish from that day. But not just Nagi’s wish, but also her dream, and everyone’s else wishes too; they will carry them, and overcome any wall, no matter how high. Finally, the story ends with Kohane and An talking. An thanks Kohane for what they went through, and Kohane thanks her back, saying she believes she can become even stronger after this. An asks her if she can overcome her task now, and Kohane thinks she can do it now, despite it being very difficult; and An looks forward to it. (As a fun fact: Kohane's task takes place concurrently to An's, and it's her duel with An that gives Kohane the strength to manage to beat her task.) And with this event, An finally manages to break out of her "cage". She had been held back by her insecurity for a long time, but in order to accomplish her dream, she had to finally get over her own obstacle. Although at first she hesitated again, with her friend's help she mustered the courage to do it once and for all; in her own way, too, by fighting it out with Kohane. She didn't want to just tell her feelings to Kohane, she wanted to prove herself as she did it, showing how determined she is to get over them — to surpass Kohane (and RAD WEEKEND). While the shackles of her insecurity will never truly go away, An has now fully accepted them, and shown them to her partner. She will try to get over them, by actively making an effort to stay on the same level or even ahead of her partner. Together, they can do anything.

Here is An's 4☆ card from the Whip the wimp girl!! event (frankly, this is one of the most insane cards in the game), which released in Eternal Bout Gacha. This gacha set features Vivid BAD SQUAD's characters in a sort of warehouse, and the most noticeable colors in these cards are red and blue, symbolizing each side of An and Kohane's fight. Furthermore, birdcages are also one of the main themes in the cards, which, just like back in Walk on and on, are really associated with the freedom and captivity concepts. First of all, I'd like to say that Kohane's 4☆ card's analysis from the previous part is very relevant for this analysis, so I'd recommend checking that out. In An's card, we see Kohane lying on the floor, with An over her, holding her up, and leaning towards Kohane with what looks like the intention of biting her neck. (A bit crazy tbh.) For the rest of the card, we see that the whole environment has a red lighting to it. Also, there's various birdcages in the card, with two of them on the floor, while the rest are hanging from the ceiling. I believe this card parallels Kohane's from this set — or more like, it's a direct continuation of it, which would in turn parallel Kohane and An's cards from Kick it up a notch, with An's card there being the aftermath of Kohane's card. While Kohane's card is her accepting An's challenge and facing forward, determined and strong; An's card is the aftermath of their duel and An claiming victory. In a way, An being about to bite her partner could represent her "taking her prize" for winning, and Kohane accepting her defeat. The environment of this card being completely red is interesting since it symbolizes An overpowering Kohane. In the rest of the set, there's both red and blue lighting, with Kohane's card being mostly blue; but in An's card, the entire lighting is red, showing how the "red side" (An) won against the "blue side" (Kohane).

However, I don't think that's the only meaning this card has. While it represents An's victory over Kohane, I think it also represents An exposing her feelings to Kohane. Despite overpowering her, An is holding Kohane gently and caring, showing how much she loves her partner; but she's also holding her decisively and firmly, wanting to show everything about herself to Kohane and showing her determination to get ahead of her. Meanwhile, Kohane is just lying on the floor, looking directly at An's eyes. She's not struggling against her partner, having accepted her own defeat, but it could also be interpreted as Kohane accepting An and her feelings; An's her partner, the person she trusts and cares about most, and she will accept her no matter what. She would never be disappointed by her. And so, she won't struggle against An. When viewing this card from the point of view of An facing her fears, and Kohane representing An's fears (both her fear of her partner, and her fear of herself and her own feelings, represented by Kohane being a direct mirror of An's design in this set), then the card would symbolize An facing and winning against her fears. Bothered, or even repulsed, by her own feelings, An's hair is now pure black with a red underdye, colors that are usually associated with dark and negative stuff. Her outfit, too, are those colors; so, in a way, An would represent her feelings, those feelings that she considers "dark" and "uncool", and that she doesn't want to expose. With Kohane's design in the set directly paralleling An's, down to the colors and her hairstyle being An's original hair mirrored, it does definitely feel like a "facing yourself / your fears" card to me.

Now, getting to the actual topic of the essay: freedom and captivity. Just like back in Walk on and on, birdcages represent these themes. In Whip the wimp girl!!'s cards, the birdcages would symbolize An and Kohane themselves, and them "breaking out of their cages" — surpassing their limits, and facing both their own selves and each other. For An's card especifically, there is two cages on the floor, which, as just mentioned, would represent An and Kohane themselves. Although in Kohane's card her cage was opened by someone else, meaning she was let out, which could be considered a parallel of her Kick it up a notch card, but also a representation of An letting what she fears out (Kohane, her feelings, her fears...) and facing it; in An's card, both of the cages have been forcibly opened, which includes Kohane, if we go by the thought of the cages representing the girls. The cages being opened by force would symbolize how An has finally mustered up the courage to face her fears and her partner, forcing herself to leave her cage. Or it can also symbolize An and Kohane giving it their all as they face each other; as partners, they grow and improve together, drawing the best out of each other, which would mean drawing the other out of their cage, to surpass each other, themselves, and their dream. In summary, the concept of freedom and captivity in this card would be An leaving the cage that are her fears and insecurity in order to confront them and her partner — in a pretty literal way, too; exposing everything she feels to Kohane.

And finally, in OVER RAD SQUAD!! it's time for Vivid BAD SQUAD to hold their big event. After completing all their tasks, and training relentlessly for this day, it's time for RAD BLAST.

🎧 I— I’ve always admired it; RAD WEEKEND… and Nagi-san. 🎧 I always thought that someday I’d catch up to that place, run with you, and surpass you. 🎧 … I can no longer run with Nagi-san. 🎧 However— I can carry on the dream that Nagi-san left behind. 🎧 I can go to a world that Nagi-san couldn’t go to— that she couldn’t see. 🎧 If we can surpass RAD WEEKEND, I’m sure… 🎧 So we will surpass it! Absolutely!

And — they do it. They surpass RAD WEEKEND. An, along with her partner and teammates, finally accomplishes her dream. After chasing this dream for so long, Vivid BAD SQUAD host their big event, and they make a legend of their own; accomplishing Nagi's final wish of inspiring the next generation to walk the path of their dreams — to go beyond what she achieved. (Check out my OVER RAD SQUAD!! essay if you'd like to read more on the event, and also my thoughts on it.) At the end of the event, An and the rest of the group visit Nagi's grave; this is the first time An meets Nagi since she left, so it's quite an emotional moment. She introduces everyone to Nagi, and they all share a few words with her:

🎧 … Nagi-san, we’ve come this far. 🎧 From now on, I will go beyond Nagi’s dream. 🎧 The scenery that Nagi wanted to see, the various places… We’ll go and see them all. 🐹 Thank you very much, Nagi-san. 🐹 Thanks to Nagi-san, we have come this far. So— 🐹 From here on, leave it to me. 🥞 “Conquer the world”… We’ve accepted Nagi-san’s big dream. ☕ The rest will be slow — please watch over us.

After talking with the rest of their group, and hearing what they plan to do from now on, Vivid BAD SQUAD say they plan to take over the world, and going beyond Nagi's dream. It's whole new, unknown world, but together, they can get past anything. Their journey is just getting started. Run to a new world!!

CONCLUSION

The concepts of freedom and captivity are closely tied to An as a character: from the freedom of singing in the street, without worrying about anything and just enjoying herself and loving the people from the town; to the loneliness of feeling left behind by those she loves, and feeling like people don't really care about her; to the struggle of finding a partner that she considers worthy of not just singing by her side, but also accompanying her in sharing and achieving her dream; and her insecurity towards the person she loves and cares about the most... An has been really tied to "freedom and captivity" for most of her life. While overall, she always been more free than tied down by anything, since she didn't really have anything to worry about except those times when the people she cared about were busy and couldn't pay much attention to her, it's when RAD WEEKEND happened that her "shackles" started to manifest, with Nagi leaving her behind without warning and without an explanation, and being unable to find a partner of her own that she can surpass RAD WEEKEND alongside with. And it's when she finally found her partner that these "shackles" held her back more: while freed from one struggle, she now had to learn what it's like to work together with someone you care about. Just like a romantic relationship that has just started and still figuring out how to be the best partners for each other, being aibous (partners) is all about learning, growing, and improving each other, drawing the best out of each other — together. Love is a very important theme in Vivid BAD SQUAD, but An (along with Akito) is one of the characters in the unit that it's most prominent in. While An loves a lot, she struggles to realize she is loved back, too; which is possibly one of the main reasons why she's been so shackled, all this time. But Kohane is trying to give all this love back, grateful to her partner for everything she has done. Kohane would never be disappointed in An, no matter what, and will always sing along with her. They're both each other's best partner — the best partner they could ask for. Love, in the end, is both a source of freedom, and a source of captivity. Love is great.

AFTERWORD

And that should be all for the essay! It actually turned out a lot longer than planned, because I ended up talking a lot about An in general. Now the previous parts may look like jokes... but it's alright. An is in my top 10 and I think she deserves it. With Touya, Kohane, and now An done, there's only one character left, huh...? That'll be fun. I'll try not to make it too long, but you never know what'll happen when it involves him. I hope everyone enjoyed this, and see you in the next essay!

[sutherkins]

request / “Soo here's a request for our cutest boy Peter - how about working with Peter as a night agent for years, knowing him better than yourself and being best friends since, together at a mission where reader gets hurt and Peter totally freaking out and panicking leading him to confess his love for reader? Of course it's mutual but neither of them dared to say something until this moment because both thought the other one's not feeling the same way.”

warnings: blood, reader gets shot, bad writing

this kinda sucks, and i apologize for the wait! i wanted it to be longer but i got sick after i started writing it and i literally just finished it today. im also still getting used to writing in general bc i normally dont have any inspo or energy to do it

being part of a top secret organization within the government was certainly not on your list of things you’d wanted to accomplish when you graduated school. having a career at all was something you weren’t sure was in the cards for you, much less being a spy and being on a first name basis with the president. nothing about the job was easy — as you’d expected. living so cut off from the rest of the world was more difficult than you could have imagined.

now, several years later, you realized that the job was much more enjoyable when you had a partner. especially when that partner was peter sutherland. peter was hired about a year after you and assigned as your partner. both of you were still newbies to the other night agents and figuring out how to do the job with someone like him by your side made the loneliness you felt that first year completely vanish. it felt nice to have a best friend throughout all of this. you realized that was the key to this job – besides the training, having someone to lean on was the best way to succeed at being a night agent.

peter was the best partner you could have asked for. he was attentive and always took care of you, even when you didn’t think you needed it. now, you most definitely fucking needed it.

your most recent assignment was challenging to say the least. the both of you were constantly on the move and sleeping in run down motels. and now, much to your displeasure, you just got shot.

laying on the floor next to the bed you shared, blood began to pool around you. you tried to fight your blurred vision and the overwhelming desire to close your eyes but that was a losing battle from the moment the bullet pierced your stomach. you were getting ready to give up — but just then, the door opened and peters voice rang through the air.

“sweetheart?”

you would’ve blushed at the pet name if you weren’t bleeding out on the floor. trying your best to speak, you’re voice hoarse and thick with pain. “peter..”

as soon as he spotted you, peter shouted your name and immediately went into protection mode. rushing to your side and putting pressure on the obvious wound, his other hand cupped your cheek. “jesus christ. sweetheart? can you hear me?”

“yeah, i can hear you. ‘s not as bad as it looks.” even when you were bleeding onto the carpet you still tried to comfort him.

“not that bad?! you got shot in the stomach! if i didn’t come when i did you could’ve bled out on the floor and died!” tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

you whined, the pressure from his hand on your wound producing a stabbing sensation that you’ve never felt from a gunshot before. “please don’t cry, pete. ‘s really not that bad, i promise. just — just call an ambulence, okay?”

pulling his phone from his pocket, your best friend quickly calls for an ambulance and lets your bosses know what happened. his attention is back on you, his hands covered in your blood. “don’t tell me not to cry. you’re my best friend and i love you. honestly, i’m…i’m in love with you, okay? you’re hurt and i love you and when i saw you lying on the ground i thought i lost you forever. i thought i lost you before i even got the chance to tell you how i felt. i can’t lose you.”

a stray tear fell from your eye, your hand reaching up to caress his cheek. “peter sutherland, i love you. i’ve never loved anyone more, to be honest. you’re not gonna lose me, okay? i was serious when i said it’s not as bad as it looks. i’m gonna be fine. ‘sides, once i’m patched up we can spend my newfound vacation time at your cabin.”

peter lets out a small chuckle, grabbing the hand holding his face and kissing your palm. “you got yourself a deal.”

[doggernaut]

Thank you to @parvuls for the BINGO card and motivation to do this. I love fic, and I love sharing fic recs (and I love hunting down fics for people!), especially those that fly under the radar. I think there's a good mix of "classics" and what I hope will become new favorites for people in here.

(I'm going for the blackout here, folks, but will post one line at a time because I just got back from one trip and am trying to plan another (not to mention catch up on everything I put off during the week I was away), and putting these rec lists together is time consuming. )

genfic (no ships) • Atwater Market by WrathoftheStag (@wrathofthestag)

I love this little fic about Bitty and Bob bonding as they shop for dinner. There's something really satisfying about reading about positive relationships between a character and their partner's family members, and I love that Bitty and Bad Bob have their own "thing" they're able to connect over that has nothing to do with Jack. @wrathofthestag also writes so evocatively about cities and food; when I can’t travel, her fics scratch that itch.

crossover • And the Day Winding Like Dreams by HugeAlienPie (@hugealienpie)

This is less a crossover than it is a fic inspired by Inception, though characters from that movie are mentioned in passing. What this is is a fic that takes Inception’s world building and skillfully transfers it to a post-canon SMH fic that’s also a heist AU and an incredibly romantic getting together story. Read it even if you aren’t familiar with Inception; I did and I loved it, and when I finally saw the movie it was that much easier to follow because I’d read this fic.

hurts so good • This Unsheltered Place  by westernredcedar (@thewesternredcedar)

Buckle up and brace yourself because this is it, the ultimate angst fic. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read this fic and still have to skim the first few chapters because they’re so painful. But, painful in w way that poking at a bruise is kind of satisfying. Despite the pain, this is one of my top five fics of all time. Yes, there is a breakup, but the coming back together is so satisfying and, because of the way it happens, feels so earned. This is also a wonderful Jack Zimmermann character study that delves into his anxieties and insecurities (a thing that @thewesternredcedar is so so good at in every fic). His decisions in this fic aren’t always the best decisions but they always make sense, and that’s largely because the author is so skillful at making the reader to see Bitty through Jack’s eyes. (Mind the tags, because I mean it when I say this one can be rough.)

still a WIP • It's Only a Change of Time  by Sophia_Prester (@missweber)

I don't want to say too much about this time loop fic but that's because 23 (out of a projected 25) chapters in, I still can't begin to guess how it's going to end. It's a time loop and a mystery and there's a bit of hockey history and Jack Zimmermann/Zimmermann family backstory thrown in as well. Johnson is there. Through it all, it's Jack's love for Bitty and the life he wants to build with him that drives him to do what he does. Over and over again. This fic is so well thought out and executed. As soon as it finishes I plan to read it all over again from the beginning because I know I'll see things I missed the first time around.

you read it instead of sleeping • Heart of Ice by flowerfan (@flowerfan2)

This is a 55K fic that I read in one night. I couldn’t put it down. Without giving too much away, it’s a mystery of sorts that begins with Jack disappearing. I read this straight through because I couldn’t sleep without knowing why Jack left. The chapters depicting the months Bitty spends alone, grieving the end of his relationship and forging ahead with his post-college life, felt as long to me as they must have to him. As the story progresses the reason for Jack’s disappearance, and the way he and Bitty navigate their new normal upon his return, is slowly revealed. This fic is so well-crafted and though an AU, it has all of the elements of a classic Zimbits fic: their love for one another despite the apparent obstacles, and Bitty’s kindness and belief in Jack, are its foundation.