#;; ( I don't know if I wanna kiss you or scratch you. BRUCE / BATMAN )

[bruciemilf]

A Ratatouille type AU where Bruce takes his tentative first steps into detectivism.

Gotham's so massively drowned out in crime that he's barely making a scratch surface level.

But you know who does know Gotham? Knows every nook and cranny among the narrows? Knows no fear? Stole Batman's tires when no one had the guts to?

Jason fricking Todd.

" Wait, -- no no, that's not when Penguin makes his deliveries anymore. That's when the pigs buy from him and take everything for free. You're gonna wanna bust him tomorrow, genius,"

"Jason," Bruce weights his trust carefully. " If I let you go... Are we in this together?"

Jason snorts, imaginary spit in his hand, shakes Bruce for it. And then runs. Leaving Bruce in a golden street light. Leaves him staring with his shoulders down.

"Oh, brother."

It's a pretty good deal; Jason gives him tips, he gets a comfy, puffy head, fresh food, and surprisingly?

Lots of hugs. Sunshine kisses on his nose and cheek and forehead.

" And how," Alfred rubs his temples around Bruce so much Jason thinks it's a reflex at this point, " Will you explain to the public why Batman carries around a sidekick with a curfew?"

" An unjust curfew."

" Jason will work at the Batcomputer."

" On my batchair, sipping on some bat-hot chocholate, from my bat mug. I mean, -- it's Gotham. We're not going anywhere."

Except. Lex Luthor, as most middle aged men who grew up with too much freedom and too little consequences, never learned what a rejection is.

"...The justice league?"

" Yeah, hot shot! I mean, you've been giving us some issues in the popularity department, my friend," He doesn't like the smirk on Lex's smile; As if he owns the whole world and wants to own him, too,

" The people are crazy for Superman punching a nazi, -- I don't like violence in my politics, but agree to disagree, -- Flash running for charity, Wonder Woman visiting some dying kid at the hospital. Everyone likes them. But nobody trusts them. They trust you."

" And it'd look very good for you to have a human on your team. After... That happened."

That includes the suspicious assassination of his political rival. Bruce begins to suspect its not suspicious at all.

" Bingo! See? I know a showbiz kid when I see one. Superman can show you the ropes. Guy's a better liar than me. That's saying something."

Jason's voice is protective and hissing like an angry viper in his ear, " I don't like this, Bruce. Don't take the deal."

But Bruce wanted to meet Superman outside of his city. Wanted to weight the risks. Wanted to see how big the man behind the symbol really is, and If humanity's lifespan is ended at one bad day.

So he accepts. And Superman Is nothing like he expected.

Passionate, angry, and uncomfortably handsome. That's who's got Bruce pinned to a wall, staring with barely surpassed annoyance,

" When I think he can't go lower, he surprises me."

" We're in this together, superm-"

" Oh no no no no. Your position as a citizen was secured the second someone shoved that silver spoon in your mouth. I didn't suffer years under that sentient ballsack so a tax dodging bastard like you can just walk in here, --"

" But I'm no--"

" I know who you are, Wayne. You're a troubled brat who gets what he wants. But I'm not daddy, or mommy, or your seriously scary butler. So if you wanna survive out here, you play by OUR rules. Got. It?"

"...Tell him to shove the biggest piece of kryptonite up his a--"

" We get it."

Superman's brow quirks, "We?"

" Me and my...Mental illness."

"...You're a weirdo, Wayne. I hope you know that much, at least."

[gamerkats]

Hey, besties. *heavy hearted sigh* Look....

If, in your reading travels, you happen to stumble upon some cis/het/idiotic toxic trope/shameless depthless book and you go, "Huh, that style kinda looks like gamerkats. Wait. Is... Is that gamerkats trickin' on the other side of Literature Street!?", just go on about your day, 'kay?

Don't tell your friends and try to drive traffic to our curb. Don't live your sleuth truth messaging us saying, "Found you!" Don't rally all the mutuals and stage a "don't write this garbage, you're better than that" intervention in the DMs. 👏 Move. 👏 Along. There's nothing to see at this crime scene.

Girls gotta eat, and that "toxic guy/mean girl I can't believe it's not butter plot twist" money spends.

Even though it's not what we enjoy writing, it's what a massive audience enjoys reading. No shame in their kink game. It makes them happy, and us a little cheddar.

We don't kink shame in this house!

Why are we saying this? Because a couple of you are scary good, and have seen through our street name, and wanna reveal that we're not "cis/het Heather" but actually two Queer cats in a trench coat. Don't. We're not even being polite and saying please. We're straight up telling you to mind your business.

If we wanted you to read what we were doing as a side hustle, we would have been advertising our stuff here. Obviously, we're trying to protect our safe spaces. You don't know the types of readers this stuff brings.... To the point that, we don't even have a socmed account for this shit. It's just a pen name and a quick write/publish into the digital void; where grammar dies on the literary battlefield, clutching originality's fallen corpse.

Trust us. You're not missing out on our stories. It's cheap, greasy fast food, when y'all are getting the home-cooked meals, ok?

We're sharing our Queerest of passions for free with y'all on AO3/Wattpad. Other than obvious fanfic stuff, everything is our IP. We could sell if we wanted. But we just don't like the feeling of paywalling our Queer rep when it's so desperately needed.

No shame to those who do paywall. Support those Queer writers!!!!! Sell your Queer works!!!! This is an "us" thing, not a commentary on Queer writing thing. We have our own pains and traumas and writing Queer fiction for free is how we chose to heal some of them.

The flip is, we also kinda need monies too.

To like, you know, live.

So we made a choice. Free the Queer, paywall the 'Bad Boy Fireman Cowboy Next Door Is Answering A Five Alarm Rodeo In My Bed'.

Surprise.

We're sellouts...like every other writer who wants to eat. We try really hard to mask our style, but it's apparently still there. So, if some found us, others will eventually. Don't make us change pen names and start from scratch.

Here's the exchange:

Y'all get the free real Batman version of us, who's raw, unfiltered, gritty, quirky, Queer as fuck, soul searching, human existence commentary, romance-nightmare diary entry, trauma coping, disability struggling, weirdly poetically surviving, bimbo nerd chic.

And the randos pay for the Bruce Wayne who's a mentally healthy, sassy, fiery feminine icon, living in a cabin by a lake, drinking wine and eating chocolate with her soulmate husband and two dogs.

We don't trick where we treat, ok? So don't snitch and ruin a girl's hustle. You don't ask us why we're there, and we won't ask you the same.

We both didn't see shit.

Ok. Kiss, kiss, love, love. Sorry we're not independently wealthy. Bye. 💋❤

Edit: 😂😂😂😂 Ok, so, by the powers of sheer whining from you beloveds, that you want smutty stuff without plot too, fine. You're right, that's only fair. We're already writing a lot, BUT how about this, all the cutting room floor and unpublished practice scenes will be scooped up, and posted under a fic title called, Miss Kitty's Fabulous Empornium or something. We'll even slap some reader x character, and villain x hero names to hide what books of ours they belong to. 😉

[prettykittykyle-blog]

people tag dump