#;; ( I don't know if I wanna kiss you or scratch you. BRUCE / BATMAN )

[bruciemilf]

A Ratatouille type AU where Bruce takes his tentative first steps into detectivism.

Gotham's so massively drowned out in crime that he's barely making a scratch surface level.

But you know who does know Gotham? Knows every nook and cranny among the narrows? Knows no fear? Stole Batman's tires when no one had the guts to?

Jason fricking Todd.

" Wait, -- no no, that's not when Penguin makes his deliveries anymore. That's when the pigs buy from him and take everything for free. You're gonna wanna bust him tomorrow, genius,"

"Jason," Bruce weights his trust carefully. " If I let you go... Are we in this together?"

Jason snorts, imaginary spit in his hand, shakes Bruce for it. And then runs. Leaving Bruce in a golden street light. Leaves him staring with his shoulders down.

"Oh, brother."

It's a pretty good deal; Jason gives him tips, he gets a comfy, puffy head, fresh food, and surprisingly?

Lots of hugs. Sunshine kisses on his nose and cheek and forehead.

" And how," Alfred rubs his temples around Bruce so much Jason thinks it's a reflex at this point, " Will you explain to the public why Batman carries around a sidekick with a curfew?"

" An unjust curfew."

" Jason will work at the Batcomputer."

" On my batchair, sipping on some bat-hot chocholate, from my bat mug. I mean, -- it's Gotham. We're not going anywhere."

Except. Lex Luthor, as most middle aged men who grew up with too much freedom and too little consequences, never learned what a rejection is.

"...The justice league?"

" Yeah, hot shot! I mean, you've been giving us some issues in the popularity department, my friend," He doesn't like the smirk on Lex's smile; As if he owns the whole world and wants to own him, too,

" The people are crazy for Superman punching a nazi, -- I don't like violence in my politics, but agree to disagree, -- Flash running for charity, Wonder Woman visiting some dying kid at the hospital. Everyone likes them. But nobody trusts them. They trust you."

" And it'd look very good for you to have a human on your team. After... That happened."

That includes the suspicious assassination of his political rival. Bruce begins to suspect its not suspicious at all.

" Bingo! See? I know a showbiz kid when I see one. Superman can show you the ropes. Guy's a better liar than me. That's saying something."

Jason's voice is protective and hissing like an angry viper in his ear, " I don't like this, Bruce. Don't take the deal."

But Bruce wanted to meet Superman outside of his city. Wanted to weight the risks. Wanted to see how big the man behind the symbol really is, and If humanity's lifespan is ended at one bad day.

So he accepts. And Superman Is nothing like he expected.

Passionate, angry, and uncomfortably handsome. That's who's got Bruce pinned to a wall, staring with barely surpassed annoyance,

" When I think he can't go lower, he surprises me."

" We're in this together, superm-"

" Oh no no no no. Your position as a citizen was secured the second someone shoved that silver spoon in your mouth. I didn't suffer years under that sentient ballsack so a tax dodging bastard like you can just walk in here, --"

" But I'm no--"

" I know who you are, Wayne. You're a troubled brat who gets what he wants. But I'm not daddy, or mommy, or your seriously scary butler. So if you wanna survive out here, you play by OUR rules. Got. It?"

"...Tell him to shove the biggest piece of kryptonite up his a--"

" We get it."

Superman's brow quirks, "We?"

" Me and my...Mental illness."

"...You're a weirdo, Wayne. I hope you know that much, at least."

[prettykittykyle-blog]

people tag dump