#; maybe they used to work with eachother back when he worked CLOSELY with the CIA ? and hes tryna find an old friend ? ;

[bllybutcher]

STARTER CALL !   ***   @nupnk​​

                                               ❛      WELL        ‘ello      GORGEOUS     ;      don’t you look  . . . like fuckin’ SHIT.  If you’re gonna die , DIE with meanin’ . What d’say we get some      CUNTS     that fucked the wrong end of th’stick   , YEAH    ?   I got SUPES tha’ need t’be     TRACKED . Since you’re here WALLOWING in y’own PISS     ;      how about helpin’ out an old mate  ?   ❜    

[hotch-stufff]

Love is Complicated

gifs by hqtchner & ncis-season-

Pairing: Hotch x reader, Gibbs x reader

Warnings!: angst, pining, kissing, fluff

Request: "well i was thinking about a criminal minds x ncis crossover, where the reader has a big crush on gibbs but then she meets hotch and she is really confused 😿" @wolviesbabes

--------

Your hand scribbled yet another word on the endless stack of paperwork that littered your desk. It really did never end. You set your pen down. You needed a break. You looked up and your eyes instantly found him. He was hunched over his desk, probably doing the same thing you were doing.

But God, did he look good doing it. Although in your opinion he looked good doing just about everything.

You noticed that about him over the past couple months on the NCIS team. You had been transfered from another similar unit in New Orleans on the recommendation of Dwayne Pride himself. Gibbs was quick to accept you to the unit, but he remained cold to you for the first couple of weeks. It wasn't until you saved him from a, for lack of better words, crazy gunman did he warm up to you.

After that, you two had gotten extremely close. So close that you developed a small crush on the man. Although, you hid it rather well. No one, atleast not to your knowledge, knew about your crush. And you intended on keeping it that way, but it was so hard when he was just sitting right in front of you, looking all handsome and just... him.

You wanted to tell him. You really did. But he was way out of your league, and you weren't even his type. But a girl could dream.

Vance suddenly came out of his office and called Gibbs up. He stood slowly and walked away. You prayed this wasn't a case. You really did not feel like dealing with a case right now.

He came back out a few moments later, a scowl on his face.

"What is it Gibbs?" You asked, he jerked his head towards Vance's office.

"He wants the team to attend an interagency gala on Saturday night." You scoffed. Of course he did. "FBI, CIA, and NCIS teams are all expected to attend. Including us." His scowled deepened at the thought of having to deal with other agencies.

"Great, just great." And you were so looking forward to a quiet weekened.

* * *

The night of the gala had arrived much quicker than expected. And of course Abby had insisted on going shopping for dresses. She herself had gotten a long black dress, with a slit. She said she would add a few things to make it more like her, and you couldn't wait to see it. You had gone with a more subtle dress. A long emerald green dress, with spaghetti straps and an open back. The front dipped slightly.

You had brought it with you to the office so you could get ready with Abby and as you were heading to the elevator to go to her floor, you heard Gibbs on the phone. Now you weren't one to eavesdrop, but you really couldn't stop yourself.

"I know, I know, it won't take long. I promise. Bye." Was he with someone else? You stood there frozen as he emerged from the room he was in.

"Hey y/n. Whatchtya doin?" He asked suspiciously.

"Oh, um nothing Gibbs, thought I heard you and wanted to say bye before we left, I didnt think you would actually go to the gala tonight, so I thought I could just stop in and-" he cut you off.

"Slow down, you're rambling. You okay?" You needed to get out of there.

"Yup, just been a long day. Alright well bye." You rushed off to Abby office. Once you got there, she instantly asked what was wrong. You explained everything. Your feelings, the conversation you heard, just everything.

"Awe, y/n/n. I'm so sorry. He's stupid if he doesn't see whats right in front of him." That made you smile.

"We should get ready." You stated standing up to grab your dress.

2 hours later, you and Abby walked up stairs looking amazing if you did say so yourself. Wolf whistles were heard coming from Tony as you two walked towards the group. You rolled your eyes, catching Gibbs smirk.

His eyes dragged up and down your body, which had confused you greatly. He had never showed any interest in you before, why now? Maybe he had and was just better at hiding it.

"Well, we should get going." You nodded, you all walked out to the SUVs ready for the night ahead of you.

* * *

The gala was interesting to say the least. Each agency decided to stay away from eachother, like elementary students. Each group taking up their own circle around the room.

You had spotted a rather handsome man who you had recognized as Aaron Hotchner sitting at the FBI tables and couldn't seem to take your eyes off of him. You new you had feelings for Gibbs,, but something about this man just drew you in. You had previously met him on a conjoined case with your old team, and you had developed the smallest of crushes on the man. You never expected anything to happen, and he was only in New Orleans for about a week.

Suddenly Gibbs popped back into your head, and you huffed slightly, turning to search for him. Finding him at a table nearby, talking with a woman. You scoffed and he looked over at you.

In a moment of impulse, you tunred away and walked across the empty dance floor straight to Agent Hotchner. He looked up from his conversation as you neared his table.

"Hi, NCIS Agent Y/l/n. We worked together on the Williams case about a year back." He nodded in recognition.

"Of course. Its great to see you again agent y/l/n." He paused looking you up and down in a way you welcomed. "Can I help you with something." He asked, not unkindly at all, but rather friendly.

"I was wondering if you would like to dance." He raised an eyebrow at you. "Someone's got to break the chill in this room." He nodded and stood up slowly, his team staring on in awe. You figured he didn't do this very often.

"I would love to." He took your hand bringing you to the dance floor as another song began. You two danced for about 10 minutes before more couples began to join you. You smiled in triumph and Hotchner laughed at your face.

"What? It worked didn't it?" He smiled shaking his head.

"I suppose it did." You two began talking and laughing and just getting to know each other. You soon found yourself at a table as you continued with your conversation.

"Okay but, im just saying if Strauss is anything like Vance, they would be perfect together." He laughed at this rather loudly, catching the eyes of a few people near by.

"That would never happen. If Vance is anything like Strauss they would drive each other crazy." You giggled softly. Soon it was time to leave, and Agent Hotchner, or Aaron as he had asked you to call him, offered to walk you to your SUV where the rest of your team was waiting. They all eyed you as this strange man walked you over, handing you a card and pressing a soft kiss to your cheek. You had blushed profusely and walked over, getting in the car.

"So y/n, whos the hottie?" Abby began interrogating you as soon as you shut your door.

"Thats Agent Hotchner. He's the Unit Chief of the FBI's BAU." You smiled to yourself.

"Must be an ass if he's from the FBI." Gibbs remarked, another scowl gracing his face.

"He was actually quite the gentlman." Was your only response before turning to look out the window. Gibbs was the one being an ass. You had just spent the night with a wonderful man and Gibbs just had to ruin it by spouting some snarky comment that only confused you more. The rest of the ride was spent in silence.

* * *

Once back at the office, Gibbs had called you to the elevator, not giving you a chance to respond. You had of course listened, and as soon as the doors shut, he had pulled the emergency button.

"What is it Gibbs?" You asked softly. He just walked closer to you, cupping your face. "What are you doing?" He leaned in slowly bringing his lips to yours.

And you had expected it to be perfect and explosive and passionate. But... it wasn't. He pulled away after only a moment.

"Hang on, let me try that again." And he leaned in once more, pressing his lips to yours. But once again, there was nothing. He pulled away.

"That was ... strange?" He asked, more to himslef than anything.

"I uh, that-that was-"

"Not what I was expecting." He finished for you.

"You know Gibbs, I've been pining over you for months, and I'm guessing you felt the same. But I think we both met someone else tonight that changed our minds." You recalled him spending the whole night side by side with the woman you had seen earlier. You smiled shyly at him. "Call that woman you were with tonight. Tell her you want to go out on a date." He smiled looking into your eyes.

"Only if you call Agent Hochie, or whatever his name was, and tell him the same." You laughed at not only his comment, but the absurdity of the situation. For the past 5 months you had been yearning for a man who ended up not being what you wanted at all. It made you think that maybe what you really wanted, what you both really wanted, was someone to love. So you latched on to the person who had become closest to you.

"I love ya y/n." He whispered as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

"I love you too Gibbs. Now go get her." He stepped out of the elevator, pulling out his phone. You did the same, pulling out Aaron's card. It rang once. Twice.

"Hotchner." You giggled at his formal greeting. Taking a deep breath before going for it.

"Hey Aaron, I was just wondering if you were up for dinner?" He smiled.

"Of course. You know, I'm really glad you called."

"Me too." And you walked out of your office that night, a date with a man you had never expected, and a smile on your face.

-------

Not sure how I feel about this one, but I loved the request. Let me know what you guys think!! Thanks for reading! Requests are still open, so ask away! If you would like an idea of what to request, here is my prompt list, and if you would like to read more of my work, here is my masterlist.

[hellocutepanda]

Dead End

There was a whisper of movement as guns were pulled and pointed before anyone could blink. The don’t move or we’ll blow your fucking brains out was implied with a barrel to the head. 

“MI-6? What the fucking are you guys doing here?”

“Bloody CIA. Jesus Christ. Don’t you guys have anything better to do?” 

Caroline glared behind her aviators at the peanut gallery as she pulled her gun back from Klaus’ forehead and reholstered it with a smooth and easy movement. 

Klaus does the same, pulling his gun back from her temple and tucking it into the back of his cargo pants, pulling his sweat soaked shirt over the weapon, hiding it from view.

Their teams doing the same as they mutter expletives and glare eachother down. The blazing desert heat not doing anything to reign in their tempers.

“Omar?” Caroline asks as she pulls a bottle of water from her pack, taking a few gulps before offering it Klaus.

Klaus nods as he takes the bottle of water from her. Taking a long blissful drink that clears the dry desert sand from his throat. 

Caroline sighs as she looks over the ancient tomb that they had been investigating just outside of some poor rundown city in the Middle East.

“The World Bank said they were trying to keep this as quiet as possible.” Caroline says as she adjusts her pony tail under her ballcap that is doing a shit job of keeping the sun out of her face.

“More concerned with making sure he was caught than keeping it quiet so it seems.” Klaus says as he takes one more drink before handing the bottle of water back to Caroline.

Caroline screws the cap back onto the bottle and tucking it back into her pack as she releases an annoyed breath. “Could have covered more ground by now if they had told us they were pulling MI-6 into this. You would think they would know by now that we work better as a team than pitting us against each other.”

“Ah, there is that bright optimism and go team attitude that I do so enjoy.” Klaus teased. 

“Shut up!” Caroline said with a roll of her eyes, although couldn’t keep a small smile off her face as she bumped her shoulder against his, causing his mouth to kick up slightly. 

Glancing at Caroline and then back at the rest of her team, Klaus asked “Security force?” Referring to what looks to be her cover. Most of her team was dressed in cargo pants, polo shirts with Kevlar vests and guns on their hip save for two of their team that looked like a rich socialite couple. 

“Too many metal detectors.” She complains with a frown. “I’m surprised you guys went the tourist route.” 

Klaus’ team looked like your typical British tourists, except she knew under their loose clothing they were armed to the teeth.

“Our leads have been fairly low end.” 

“And both have led us here. False trails?”

“False trails and a dead end.” 

“Trails for whoever was going to look for them.” Caroline sighed with frustration. 

Klaus let out a commiserating breath and rubbed the back of his neck. 

“Since we are after the same target, we should work together, share intel.” 

Klaus gave her a suggestive smirk. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours, sweetheart.”

Caroline rolled her eyes as she bumped her shoulder with this again. “Perv.”

“That he is, gorgeous.” Enzo said as he came up to the two commanders using a rag to wipe the sweat off of his face.

“Right?” Caroline says to Klaus’ second in command, giving him a quick glance before her eyes return to Klaus. 

Klaus opened his mouth to snap out a comment to his second in command when a gunshot rang out and the dirt at their feet kicking up. Caroline, Klaus and Enzo dived for the small wall that encircled the property, their guns pulled out and in their hands before they even hit the ground.

“Ok, maybe not so dead end.” Caroline said before she pressed the com at her ear. “Anyone see where that came from?”

We cleared the perimeter, commander. Most likely a sniper. Looks like the shot came from the north west.

Klaus was listening to his own com as Caroline peeked over the edge of the wall towards the direction of the shot and ducked back down as another shot was fired, ricocheting off the rock wall. 

“What was the intel you got?” Caroline asked Klaus as his hand fell away from his ear.

“Meeting at noon to make the exchange.” Klaus says as his eyes search the area behind him. Before looking forward, trusting his and her team to hold their ground.

Caroline nods as she glances at Enzo who is keeping an eye on the perimeter. “That’s what we got as well.” 

“It’s 12:20. Too late to be an advance team or a set up.” Klaus says, searching the area around them. 

“But why attack us? There is no point. This is a dead end for us.” Caroline asks. 

“I don’t know if you know this, love, but America happens to be on quite a few shit lists.”

Enzo leaned back a bit. “He’s right, gorgeous.”

“Thanks guys. I totally didn’t know that.” Caroline bit out sarcastically before pushing her com. “Circle round and see if you can pick up the sniper. I’ll keep their fire centered on me.” 

Caroline waited for the acknowledgment before dropping her hand from her com and looking at Klaus. Klaus gave a nod as he touched his own com. “Coordinate with CIA - go after the sniper. Their commander and I will draw their fire.” 

“Cover our six.” Klaus motioned to Enzo who kept crouched down as he ran towards the cover of the tomb that gave him a better vantage point to watch the commanders back.

Caroline peeked over the wall again, the sunlight glinting off her aviators and drawing another shot. 

“I am going to be seriously mad if this does turn out to be a anti-American yahoo.” Caroline said with a grimace. 

“Yahoo? I do so enjoy your American colloquialisms.” Klaus said unable to keep the teasing grin off his face.

“And here I thought your max vocabulary was only two syllable words.” 

Klaus had a pleased smile on his face as he sat up a bit to draw another shot from the sniper. 

Caroline recognized that smile. It was the smile he first gave her when she punched him in the face. Isn’t she stunning? He had asked Enzo as he fingered his split lip, looking absolutely enchanted with the beautiful woman who gave it to him.

“Now is not the time to fall in love with me, Klaus. You are going to get yourself shot.”

“Absolutely worth it, sweetheart.” 

Before Caroline could roll her eyes at that her com beeped. We have the shooter commander. Caroline looked up at Klaus and saw he was listening to his com, probably getting the exact same relay.

“Shall we find out if the shooter is indeed an anti-American yahoo?” Klaus said as he stood up, offering his hand to Caroline. 

Caroline took his hand, giving him a nod of thanks as he helped her to her feet and both of them holster their guns. 

“My place or yours, sweetheart.” Caroline rolls her eyes at him behind her sunglasses causing Klaus to grin.

“You’re the expert in interrogation.” Caroline said with a tinge of a grudge in her tone.

Klaus’ hackles rose as he defended himself. “All I said was that your prisoner would bleed out faster if you hung him upside down.”

“I didn’t need your constructive criticism, Klaus, on my interrogation techniques.”

Before Klaus could respond a black Range Rover pulled up next to them, the tinted driver side window rolling down as Enzo leaned out of the window. 

“Get in losers we’re going interrogating.”

Klaus moved forward to open the back door for Caroline but she bypassed the open door and went around to the front passenger side door, opening it up and getting in. “You are so stupid.” Caroline said to Enzo as she slammed the door closed and buckled herself in.

Klaus smiled ruefully as he got into the back seat and closed the door. Absolutely stunning. He thought to himself. 

Review 

[bluebrrn]

This Means War (Part 11)

Summary: Two top CIA operatives wage an epic battle against one another after they discover they are dating the same woman (heavily based on the movie)

Word count: 1418

A/N:  A/N: hey guys! How's it going? Yes two posts in one week, isn't it marvelous. I'm currently thinking in a British accent. God I love these men.

⚠️Warnings⚠️ : Kissing, fighting, not detailed

This Means War (Masterlist)

The next morning you wake up and quietly get out of bed careful not to wake a snoring Bucky. You pull on a dress and quickly gather your things around the room.

"Hey." A raspy voice calls out.

"Oh my god!" You jump surprised by his voice.

Bucky grinned up at you with messy bed hair.

"Oh gosh, okay." You laughed a bit embarrassed.

"Morning." He grinned sitting up.

"Good morning." You chuckled.

"You're dressed, where are you going?" He chuckled.

"I have to go to work. " You grab your shoes pulling them on.

"I- oh I though maybe we could make pancakes or something." He smiled sitting up fully. "Do you like pancakes?" He asked.

"Oh I love pancakes." You stood up grabbing your purse. "I want nothing more than to have pancakes. Who doesn't like pancakes? Crazy people that's who." You rambled.

"Crazy people." He chuckled.

"But I have to go to work, because I have a meeting really super early, so I got to go." You nodded.

"Yeah, Yeah." He cleared his throat. "No, that's- Uh that's cool." He looked away. "I have a.. Ive got a meeting too, so... okay."

"But last night, was like..." you took a deep breath trying to find a word worthy. "Like Uh..." you grinned.

He looked at you a smile on his face, "Was it incredible?" He asked hopeful.

"That was crazy." You nodded.

"Yeah.."

"Um, thank you, for the..."

"T-thank you for... for that." He nodded back.

"So, I'm gonna go." You said. "But, um, lock up behind you, or don't... I don't know. You're not gonna steal anything, are you?" You chuckled. "Wow I don't know why I said that." You shook your head. "Okay bye." You looked away and walked out of your bedroom.

"Goodbye!" Bucky groaned covering his face. "I totally sucked didn't I?"

You called daisy as soon as you stepped out of the house. "Daisy! I slept with him." You whispered.

"Which one?" She asked.

"Bucky." You grinned.

"Oh my god that's awesome!" She grinned. "How do you feel? Can you walk?" She teased.

"Oh my god, ew." You laughed. "But lets just say, small hands... not an issue."

"I knew it!" She laughed. "Told you! So how was it?"

"Amazing- five times amazing but I don't know what to do! I'm supposed to go meet Steve this afternoon, but after last night, I can't see Steve now!" You walked down the steps of your house toward the car.

"What no, they do this all the time. Why can't we?"

"Okay Okay fine, but I'm going to hell." You shook your head.

"You're not going to hell, and if you do I'll be there to pick you up." She chuckled.

"Okay save me a drink." You said and hung up.

"Okay men, last nights surveillance please." Steve walked into the surveillance room.

"Oh hey!" Peter quickly stood up. "Uh we didn't get anything." He shook his head. "Got nothing... the tape jammed so..." he chuckled nervously.

"Parker, it's digital." Steve gave him a look.

"Mm, it... yeah." He scratched the back of his neck.

"Right. So can I have the disk?" He asked.

Peter pulled it from his jacket. "Seriously, you.. you don't want to see it." He held it out reluctantly.

"I'll be the judge of that, thank you." He pulled it from his tight grasp.

"Now, did you see this?" Steve asked.

"Uh, only once." He nods.

Peter took a nervous breath. "Uh, agent Barnes entered the premises."

"Right, and?" Steve asked but he didn't answer. "Parker?"

"Then He.."

"Peter I swear- what happened next?"

"Then He... entered the premises..."

Steve's eyes widened. "I got it, bud. Yeah, I totally understand."

"Yeah, o-okay."

Steve turns and throws the disk in the trash and walks out.

Peter kneels over holding his chest and lets out a breath.

Bucky sat in his apartment watching titanic on the couch. He mouthed along until the doorbell rang. He furrowed his brows and walked over to the door.

When he opened it he saw the pretty flight attendant he had "dated" before.

"Hey." He smiled.

"Hi." She grinned.

"Mya..." He said.

"So, it's Tuesday." She said.

"Mm-hmm." He nods.

"My layover day." She said.

"Yeah." He nods. "Right, um... it's just, Uh.. look, I can't really.. really do this. Um, i met somebody. Sorry."

She looked surprised but nodded, "okay."

He sighed and nodded before the door closed. He walked over to the couch feeling weird. "What's happening to me?"

@ headquarters

"You have absolutely no self control man!" Steve walked along side Bucky.

"Steve, look, I didn't plan on this happening. Okay? She's the one that initiated it in the first place."

"Yeah well of course she did, you had her meet your family. What girl doesn't love that?" He asked. "You broke the rules, man."

"Forget about the rules! This is not a game anymore. I really care about (Y/N)!" Bucky sighed.

"Oh great, you actually have feeling. It only took you thirty years."

"Steve."

"What?"

"I slept with her." Bucky stopped walking.

"Yeah, well obviously." Steve gave Bucky a look before continuing his walk.

"No, slept. As in like fall asleep... in the same bed. That's never happened to me before!" He follows steve.

Later You stood alongside Steve waiting for James to get out of school.

"Hey buddy how are you doing?" Steve kneeled down to hug his kid.

"Hello." He said softly.

"This is my friend (Y/N)." He smiled.

You smiled softly.

"I thought uncle James was your only friend." He said.

"Who's uncle James?" You asked furrowing your brows.

"Yes." Steve's eye's widened and he laughed nervously. "Um, he's right. He is my only friend. From work..."

Bucky watched nervously from the surveillance room.

"But this is my new friend (Y/N)."

"Hi." You smiled.

"Hi." He grinned and gave Steve a knowing look.

"Hey, What are you two doing this afternoon?" You asked. "Cause I need some help with work and I think you two could be the men for the job." You grinned.

"Oh no." Bucky mumbled.

"Yeah? That sounds great."Steve grinned.

At work you had let James break a toy fire truck, played around with a popcorn machine, manage to soak Steve with a water hose, to which of course he fought back. But ultimately had the best day with them.

Later you went with Steve to drop off James with his mother.

"Bye (Y/N)!" He grinned waving before hugging his dad.

You chuckled and waved back.

Peggy walked out and smiled.

"Hello." Steve smiled.

She grinned and took James inside.

"He just used the kid! He used the kid!" Bucky shook his head. "Unbelievable."

"Maybe we could get you a kid sir, for a day." Hunter suggested.

"You know a guy?" Bucky asked intrigued.

"I know a guy." He nods.

"Ye- nah." He shook his head looking back at the monitors.

Steve pulled up at your house. "I had a really fantastic day today."

"So did I." You smiled.

"Goodnight." You both leaned over and kissed each others cheeks before slowly pulling away but stopping and kissing eachother for real.

Bucky sighed and looked away.

Steve picked you up and carried you inside the house with lips still connected.

"Go inside." Bucky Told Hunter.

"Sir, I don't think you wanna see this- oh my god." Steve continues to kiss you and move you around the whole room as he secretly takes out all of Bucky's bugs and cameras.

"Dammit, go to 5." Bucky groaned just as the feed went out.

"Okay, two two!"

"It's out too sir."

"Dammit!"

"Steve we need to talk." You whispered. "In a little bit..." you mumbled kissing him again.

"This is so bad." You mumbled as Steve stepped on the last camera bug in the room.  

"We're dead sir." Hunter said.

"Yeah, we are." He sighed.

"At least we have audio ." Hunter said.

Bucky gave him a look.

You and Steve sat on the couch kissing but you pulled away. "Okay, Steve, I'm sorry. I'm not this kind of girl."

"I know exactly the kind of girl you are." Steve said. "And that's why I've completely fallen in love with you."

"Damn." Hunter sighed. "he used the secret weapon."

Bucky looked away defeated. "turn it off."

Tags open:  @heaventide @spidweeb @theassetseyeliner @kjs-s @myteenwolf-world@lostinspace33@buckyywiththegoodhair @marvelgoateecollection@addictionmarvel@hollycornish@sinfulfanfictionkitten @sebbylover24@hogwarts-the-history@prostheticsoldier @s-acafst @learisaballerinafairyprincess @universal-glitch @youreverydayzebra@cameronahugenerd@brighterlights@buckys-fossil@buckybabybaby @emikatofshield @donner5822 @carailly @sjmiller313logan0p0s@ok-ladies-lets-get-information@patzammit @imwillett-blr @its-daydreamer23 @gabby913@thenightofthehunter @crazy-girl2196@marveldcmistress @1975sossseb-styles@v3ro00 @flowergirlbarnes @myparadise1998 @i-love-superhero@lightwormandheronduck@djdre92@moonandstars-xo @supernaturaldean67 @cas-backwards-tie

[jayundergod-blog]

Ultimate fear to me.

Say ive smoked some marijuana and im those thinker type when i smoke the chiba. Well suddenly im surrounded by only those bearing tone of demons prophane barbaroc behaviors. I dobt want to go to hell, and this fleshed out before my eyes is the nature of my worst fear. I am not only God Fearing, but damn nervous because Ive nearly awakened what I call the real me, an innervoice guiding. And i have begun eliminating distraction. I have cleared my thoughts and sight of many distractions. And have started to have a certain space for any almost all items under my use amd home. One thing that adds to another frustratoon os not remembering drawers or table or nooks random/common items did put that buisness card? Or it could just be a real pressue on moment and those 3 like mechanical reaches with your hands and ready to go in 5 seconds. I am comparing this new day 1 moment for me to Change from within. In order to make positive impact on future sitiations and various choices given, I have to jump way out of familiarity. I dont know how to make a friend where drugs and alcohol arent at least in the introductio. Its been over 20 years outside of my sponsor in an AA run since I have made any friends outaide of Getwasted Land. And its alnost like some of these people down here might be animated workers of a divine purpose. . Another reason my greatest fear revolves around Hell is Part A: my consistence in screwing up my life and Part B: randomly manipulating in or believing the reason for myaelf that My heart is attatched the right way, I believe God intended to place a mountain of pain shame and addiction and pride, occourances 1 after another saying put down the beer weed dream. Its not working. Test? bad test? CRASH collisions. wrecks.. Sexual imoralities that put me in only tighter, I like to think of as an irrational coat of shame. Switching schools over 20 times social bonding just seemed to naturally wade into the wastelabds. It was cool to say **** things, skip class and sneak a J. So still part B: reason for my greatest fear sometimes i worry my desire to fight evil with fire kind of mentality of a grey angel badass has to often and with any levels of sincerity been ... non supportive of God, and a compmete self failure. I am a highly successful failure. The tides of life had been decided to ensure have a livable income for life. All my lab blood tests come back good. Inspite of ludacrouis unprotected promiscuity and abusing chemicals alcohol included at very high danger quantities and lengths of time. To paranoid to bruah my teeth, and involved with the addict community they really do mess with my toothbrush when i let them know they can not live in my spare room area or you've got to go period. So the balance of pride and shame are big with me. Im simply putting it this way. I am very smart. Like, words don't automatically limit my perception and i discover ideas, inventions, ways to improve systems namely in buisnesses etc. But i believe i may have discovered a few awarnesses in the light of creation that had been considered. And i flow with innovation so much i didnt even write inventions down anymore. But im starting too now. I dont know if tbere is evil in my motives to understand, and my motive to protect the earth with my creative discoveries within the gift of life here. Glory all goes to God. And i feel pride and shame when i point something out like "this motivated by my naturally good heart amd my true self is a divine discovery. I am probably the first to say Ive beaten Lucifar hands down on 3 areas very simple. 1: there is guarenteed 1% of love within this entitty from the bible, And Lucifer is afraid of this within himself. He fears the capacity in his heart. Lucifer fears himself. And that tiny igmored reality of love is capable of seeking forgiveness and apologizing to his creator. Yea i could be nuts but 2: humans, generally any life form brought into light given the breath of life to seek the water of life, are conditioned, refined, we are born with lack of understanding and in time develop sincere amd forced pursuit of underatanding. I take it Lucifer just suddenly came into light an angel with uncomparable tangible working knowledge with math, music, stars, and whatever elae. Put Satan up against a regular devloped human and there is much to gain from the journey in being. Where satan just woke up with his bed made and an attitude similar to mine perhaps. "This can be better". Is where i stop the line. I assume God ridicule came from the statue with emotions and knowledge. Who should be a professilnal liar if he believes himself that his strength and power are not extensioms of God to begin with. Have to be a wicked bad liar to claim pride and ownership of anything whatsoever under the light. And finally 3 i feel im going to remember the 3rd way I checked the scariest guy in hell. But yeah no? assuming the story true, wouldnt the capacity in hiz heart be to close to deny and create fear and the most depressing "what am i going to wear today" moments? Before showing the tear in his eyes emotions. this waa a really long stretch of a first blog in life. Im considering Blog 2 to be straight down to the knit. My **** and my luster. None of you will likely know me so ill drop down my guard and even get into the pride/shame like. yes i was on that crack like they were infinity packs and the only translatable view to the edge lf my heart beyond the mountain God may have intended to be in my way. And yes for sure real sexual absurditiesn have been a matter if exploration and i found the most go to being ones least condoned like im straight but a few times on thjs other drug, the only reaskn the drug would be any jse to me if I went straight tranny freakazoid fk or even longer than 12 straight ( kind of) hours. I made a bjg ordeal of it too because i live in comparing to a waizt to shoulder hi body of water like fear. Im always nearly always in fear of something. Even if its just in a house all alone I am watching my tone and volume to not disturb the entity or embarrass myself. And theres usually a lot of BS running around my zone too. But anywhoo, scared of the SwaT teams and demons in a hotel, after the first usual 3 hours of eyes attatched to all directions i can notice without moving i said im going to max this **** out right here yeeaaaaa and i was doing poses for the potentials whoever stands at a second floor hotel window for 3 hours. You catch the drift. Sure part of the freaknicity invomved is mentally appealing. Im nkt going to lie. The flesh of a woman looking jedi equipped i mean has to be no sembalance of a male but thats neithr here nor anywhere for me because this isnt like, my hearts reach in any way. Since the last time i freaked off i encountered sexual encounter with an at the time friend lady and then almost a second time with the hottest coat rack breast formation i ever need to remember. Well she pulls out the money for intercourse part and now i am in not only great confliction but with a prepared spirit for the one of the highest priority lessons I could learn or be corrected on. And just then came a foundation of knowledge and vision. Flesh perveree barbaric using eachother like another drug or relieving some pain or just sheer addicted. Ive never had a time i can remember where there is something between us not being impprtant to me in the sack of awesome goods. If there is no relation there to me now more than ever, then jt is absolute perversive use of the flesh and body. I hope i dont get some effect of a born habbit and tranny zerg away my problem and enhanced self confliction. Hey that was mostly because damn new drug new coping mechanisim, and there are countless survielance vultures and sure there are good birds too but ive raised a lot of attention. I just let go on the FBI something about FBIs mom too. And maybe i just want the 3rd particles in good hands but I cant trust a comey supporting organization who are either ignoring the messed up bridge and back up the lies or they are beings without common sense. Plus some other group(s) i may or may not belong too. Im an expert **** up trying to move out of this world vast potential into a framing of the only way i see contributing chance to 5 generations from now to be atleast alive bearably. But no the world unison is buy what they say to buy no matter what healthier and bio friendly lower cost solutions are hidden from us. What would evolve in systems and technologies supressed by our ROTH oppressors fancy dress night club, is probably far beyond any imagination. But we want to say its cool ill stcik with gasine and everything else unto death. Whats a future generaton? I dont see blood on my hands yet. Not my problem. Or worst yet of the whe set is the sad existance of knowing that better is a controlled possibility removed from possibility by a few tactics to keep humans focused on other problems like, never never represent the problem with details about the CIA plane crash bringing cocain into america. Dont put on the news 24,311 bombs were dropped on other countries. Like is it 100s or thousands of oilline breaks per year? Either way they don't want you to see the pentagon lost 6.5 trlion bucks whoops . And tobaccoo being a substantial source of tax revenue. Whatever moneys not the problem here. Its how ks your FDA cool with 6000 known additves to a ciggrrate? and youre good with modified organism (gene manipulated plant life namely fruist and veggiesbyou can claim intellectual rights to tomatoes now by altering its DNA) that most consumers would lome the right to know but man its over with. Im either going to just die one day... Or I'm going to dye knowing i threw down a few sparks that reached a storm the ROTH associates will have to get stepping. Go buy your own planet or island of youre so obsessed with being king lizard man. Destroying the offspring futures chance of a liveable world and potential of decent m humanity instead of 10 billion people having to suddenly adjust with the last forseeable year with petro fuels or stop kilming the world. stop taking more grip over our societies industries and market lkke..... I know allegedly 90% media is slapped into air by atleast 1 out of just 6 mega corps. Sl is that lime our clothes are probably boiked up to ROTH brands? ummmm blog 1 i might S sell have gave an essay i worked on a year in the American college system at the podium with the XYZ or funny stain black shirt liike.... Yea l make this mire worth while and if it fails me or i fail i might even try a second blog life. But i realoze the value in these blogs being revved around free introduction to inventions. All the way up to a new style of buildings. lkke really hard to see as anything but futuristic, easier, and better in at least a few distinct ways. #1 perk of this technology given we are not on unlimited resource world but ements kf the housing structure are intact by such a way that it can be reutilized and ultimately there is potential for a no waste technology that reaches every door in the earth thats been done up the new way. Syria Afghanistan ans in general the countries that had devestated ways of lives of countless individual lkves of family members pretty much need to be rebuilt by this building technogy unseen. And the speed should be quicker as well. blog1 the ramble of death. the simplicity in taking base technology and enhancing them with personal and ho.e life is not only missing from our choices but unbelievable how eaay it would seem to accomplish the evidence of .mmm It only seems impossible because its not on tap at any restaurants we know. Partly why i have arranged a vision of my most hoped for life one without its core an office and a desk but one built from the potentials of imagination. Imagination being in part most crucial in expanding reality. Alright next one will be shorter sweet cut and dry. The facts in my peraonel history. ps im paranoid schizo like pretty much everything frim swat teams, demons, and ritualistic annual sacrifice held secretly in the depth expanse of a tunnelways descendance into reality where only one hope has life, that is Lord God mercy.