#:))!!!!!! GET CONNED IDIOTS
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assiraphales · 1 year ago
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yet another case of zoro why are you looking at him like that. zoro. zoro. i'm waving my hand in your face. zoro look me in the eyes WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT HIM LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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cimicherrychanga · 1 year ago
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i AM immune to mind reading vampires from space btw
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walkman-cat · 9 months ago
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kinda gay to be a detective etc. etc. you know how it is
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dittolicous · 5 months ago
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i dont get hpw people can make jokes about biden being shitty right now, when its nearly guaranteed that its either him or trump who will be president.... and trump becomimg president again is just.... horrifying? like legitimately really fucking scary????? im terrified thinking about biden not doing well, not because i like biden (i do not) but because the other option is basically. a nuclear bomb.
its all fun and games until we have no one who can get enough votes or power to go up against trumps corruption. and im so fucking afraid of how we'll joke ourselves right into our graves
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carcarrot · 5 months ago
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i guess im being offered the job lol
#i didnt even have to interview????? here i was worrying about oh god going for an interview#but i guess not???#manager called me just now and was like hey i spoke w the people they want to know if you can start on these dates#like. okay???????#theres a week of training for me to do and then the following week id start at thee job#like an idiot as i was saying bye on the phone i only remembered then that i should have asked if it was PAID training ugh.#im assuming so . but maybe not. idk#im gonna call him back on monday to give my answer#this is it.... i may finally be free of the annoying people....#but like anything i have my trepidations. bc who know if itll work out#well thats life. as the song goes#fortunately im still within the timeframe to change the amount for my commuter benefits pretax card thing#bc the monthly pass id need for the new job#costs like less than half of what i pay now for the bus to ny#crazyyyyy. anyway i gotta do that if i decide to take the job#its more money (a little. but still more. ok its like a dollar and 4 cents more. which not a lot but still)#i get more sleepytime (always good) and im saving on commuting#plus ill only have to pay nj (and federal) taxes. instead of also paying ny yay. thats good#sorry again weighing the pros and cons onstage here#UH. what else#well a shorter commute is good but it means less reading/music listening time#although ive only resumed reading recently lol#idk. well then i could read at home and not worry about my books getting messed up#these past couple weeks ive been :( that the like 70-something year old paperback ive been taking is getting a bit rougher#only a little. but yesterday it got a bit wet bc my bag got soaked in the rain#why am i taking a super old book to work well i dont know what to tell you we have some old books#ok getting off topic. everything seems good about the new job so fuck dude i guess ill go for it#finally free of the stupid people here.... on to new stupid people (undoubtedly)#well it's probably all good then but unfortunately i always worry what if it isnt. hm
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whosyourcreepyunclenow · 1 year ago
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alright, for some reason this exists. not quite aware about your boundaries, so I'm obligated to warn: this content may not be suitable for some readers
warnings: smut, ust, non-conish dub-con(?), toxic crap, sad silly nonsense, probably weird english
was written to a nice song though
(it's pov Michael but I can only write in second person, so imagine yourself a depressed middle-aged man and go ahead)
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It’s supposed to be a fucking jinx, doesn’t it? Just how you missed the old times few crazy weeks ago, so much you hate ‘em now. And of course, hate yourself for missing ‘em, like it somehow brought back that wild crap right into your present day. What a joke.
Memories should remain memories. To indulge yourself in a good old shitty nostalgia, to dive headlong into that abyss again and get off scot-free. Your personal paradise of fun where the heart trembles, the night's still young, and the bullet in your shoulder doesn’t bother like a real one. No bruises from recoil, no shortness of breath. You’re the sharpest shooter, Mikey, the clearest mind, you always make the right decisions.
Such a calming little lie to fool yourself you could be better than this. Not just a drunk old loser, feeling sorry for himself, but a drunk old loser with history, which you wisely choose to left behind and move forward. You were a terrible person, you still are. However even a terrible person needs something to be proud of.
And there must be no way for that special something to become more than just a back door to escape reality. No fucking way.
The old days taste like nauseating warm beer and smell like piss. Stained with blood, sweat and cum, sound like annoyingly loud swearing and crunch of broken glass. It was a lot easier to forget their true colors, so you gladly forgot, leaving the only ones suitable for a proper melancholic reminiscence. You know, ain’t nothing wrong with romanticizing the past. The trouble begins when you're starting regret things. Oh man, you should never trust your memories, they’re such fabulists…
Another bottle became a pile of trash for Patricia to clean up. Not sure how obvious but you kinda hate her for no reason, just along for the ride. She could tidy up this rubbish dump for days, it’ll never get clean. She could call him good, kind, mature or whatever, he’ll never stop being himself. And neither will you.
Trying to steady the swaying room, you stabilize its dirty walls with your hands, occasionally grabbing a poster girl’s ass, she doesn’t get offended. The next one even deserved a slight slap, as if you weren’t already horny enough – to even feel the seductive warmth of skin through the faded paper and sincerely enjoy that little illusion of touch. Same 'bout an illusion of privacy behind the flimsy folding door you keep closed anyway.
At least he doesn’t mind. Being asleep and completely wasted, the only thing his doped body’s still capable of is snoring. Lying on his back, with his arms and legs spread out, in that smelly stretched briefs, he’s utterly disgusting and sexy at the same time.
Well, in the old days you wouldn’t think twice. But it ain’t the old days.
So you just carelessly shoved him aside and fell down with your face in the pillow, warm and wet from his oily hair. Took a deep breath. Fucking awful as always. He murmured something unintelligible, then turned on his stomach too, but faced to the other side. You don’t look at him either.
“Forget any idea ‘bout molesting me, pork chop. Or I’ll get sober and shove a grenade into your butt, you hear me?”
Feels like you’d blow up his butt right now, without any other tools except your own. Why the hell.
“You really flatter yourself, T. Like… greatly.”
Still somehow managed to keep your voice smooth, though the stupid nervous smirk makes it a bit softer. You swallowed hard, throwing the fuck out of your mind that nostalgic bullshit ‘bout using your saliva in a more efficient way. There was times when your fingers woulda been doing their job already, now they simply clenched into a fist, crumpling a checkered blanket. Those times have passed long ago.
“We both know you ain’t too picky.”
Is he taunting or just mocking you? Any mistake could be unreasonably costly in a lot of senses.
“Yeah, maybe.”
The catch is you ain’t even confident about yourself anymore, face it. Desire is enormous, the foretaste drives you crazy – hey, when was the last time you felt so aroused by someone? Or just aroused without any fucking reason, like in your twenties, but still aroused as fuck? Though it doesn’t mean that need can be satisfied, since any little bullshit’s enough to ruin the feeling and turn you off like a broken switch. So you hate yourself again and hate your body, hate your deceptive mind, hate your everything.
Guess getting old is a great excuse for losing interest, yeah? At least it works for Amanda and your other whores who demand from you much more than you're capable of. But the truth is you haven’t ever lost interest, you’ve just become more… picky? Or egoistic. Or less randomly horny for pretty things or simply tired from imitating it – that’s what they usually call sexual problems.
Resumed snoring let you know that T’s asleep again. So alright, you can continue feeling pity for yourself until the morning. The only thing you can do as long as you want.
Or there’s another option. Weirdly compromise, still crazy. Hence exciting.
You cautiously turned on your back and glanced at him to check, as if the obvious sound was not enough. Part of you treacherously want him to wake up at the worst moment possible, but clearly not yet. Man, what the fuck are you doing…
Quietly unbuckled your belt and unzipped your pants, suddenly worrying. Years ago it was his thing to masturbate on you sleeping, what always felt confusing when you caught him doing that. As if you were jealous of him to himself and somehow got offended, what a dumbass. Didn’t realize that every opportunity to touch someone you wanna touch is a treasure.
And now you’re casually squeezing your cock, remembering his. You jerked him half-ass mechanically, roughly, without giving a single fuck about his pleasure, the only one that really mattered was your own. Of course you tried to make it less obvious, but it was obvious – you were awful. And he loved you awful. More than anyone.
“Fuck, Trevor…”
Can’t help but whispering, not expecting to be heard. Your handjob is a lot better when you’re staring at his sweaty back, fighting the urge to remove these shitty briefs. Ain’t no even need to screw, you may climax just from looking at his naked ass.
It's almost perfect time for him to wake up and punch you. Almost.
Luckily, he doesn’t. Even when you’ve finally lost your damn mind and pull off his underwear, then predicably realized you need more than looking. And holy fuck… this was your last meaningful conclusion.
Quite unable to mess around, you got to the point, eagerly lubing up your cock with saliva and pushing apart his buttocks, barely maintaining a sense of reality… With all these toys he regularly shoves in himself, you thought it would be easier, but his hole just doesn’t let you in. So you spat on your fingers once more and smeared on his tight entrance, then tried again. He’s already disturbed enough to start moaning and lazily fidget, but not fully awake yet.
“Hey, T… You wanted the old me? You’ll get him.”
Finally, he howled when you pushed yourself inside, probably too fast. Ain’t exactly how things should be done, you was merely trying to avoid that awkward pause between “I wanna fuck you” and “I’m actually fucking you” stages. Just can’t deal with that clarifying relationships shit, not fucking now…
“FUCK!”
Alright, he woke up. And he’s trying to shove you out, if only you hadn’t held his bottom like a fucking lifeline.
“Am I shitting? Feels like a big turd’s stuck in my butt… Not so big, actually.”
“Hi to you too, Trevor.”
It’s so tense here like he’s trying to bit off your manhood with his anus and chew it. And maybe a little dry, yet not enough for him to lament.
“Remember what I said ‘bout molesting me, sugar?”
You spread out his cheeks slightly, conciliatory massaging them to appease, but he keeps struggling. It’s easier to lay down and put your weight upon him, bury yourself even deeper, softly mutter into his neck.
“C'mon, T, let me love you…”
He smells attractively horrible, alluring your lips to fondle his skin with short kisses. He tastes salty.
“It’s not fucking LOVE, you dick! It’s taking advantage!”
“Call it whatever you like.”
You thrust in him slowly, knead his hips with all tender affection you can muster, what the fuck else does he want? Alright, it ain’t really convenient now but lift him a bit to play with his boy too, and this time do it right… Oh please, just make sure to do it right.
God, he’s hard. He’s hard and hot like hell, goddammit…
“No! Just, NO I said! And pull your junk outta me!”
So this moron just slapped your hand, shoved it away and wriggled out from under your body, making you both highly unpleasant. Fucking great!
He got up, swaying and shaking, put up his briefs back on and somehow fixed his boner. Still doesn’t look at your face, though he’s not the only who hesitates. After all, you have no damn idea what went wrong or what he wanted you to do. From your perspective it felt as good as it could be, unspeakably good.
“Oh seriously, what’s the problem?”
Crap, he clearly didn’t like the question.
“What’s the problem?! WHAT’S THE FUCKING PROBLEM you asking?!”
“Yes, what’s the fucking problem!”
Fuck it. He finally turned and faced you, with so much desperate hate in his eyes that you went numb. Like everything what happened was so terribly wrong he could never forgive. Like you hurt him in ways you can’t even imagine.
“Listen… Right now, I’m making incredible efforts to not kill you, Michael,” his voice got menacingly quiet, yet notes of deeply rising anger strive to break through. “If that ain’t A PROBLEM to you, guess what I’d be doing with your corpse!”
Shit, he’s so fucking fine when he’s mad. Scary to realize, you’d probably rape him, if only he wasn’t a lot stronger, even with a such hangover. Or perhaps what you’ve already done can be as well considered as a sexual violence – of course, how else. So you’re a rapist now. Congratulations, pal.
“A-right, I got it,” but you’re still a human, who has his goddamn feelings too. “Go fuck yourself then.”
That treacherous, suicidal part of you expected him to react – in any way. He could punch you, slam you against the wall, chock you, shove a fucking grenade into your ass, rape you in revenge. You want him to do fucking anything, you just want him. Desperately.
Hastily zipping up your pants, slide open the door and leave. Patricia’s asleep on the coach or pretending being asleep. Who cares.
When harrowing horniness finally let you go, thirst hit. So bad you’d dry up the Alamo Sea despite its saltiness and ask for more. You bursted into a bathroom, opened the tap at full and drunk greedily from your palms until you felt sick, but couldn’t bring yourself to vomit. The water was muddy, rusty and smelled like sewer, lovely taste of a childhood. Lastly, you washed your face and turned to the broken mirror.
Of course, you’re miserable. Fat old fool with shadows under his eyes, saggy skin and smoky teeth. So what goddamn hopes you had for yourself? He might like that perfect old you, young and handsome, everyone’s blue-eyed boy. Oh, you were hot back in the day, admit it.
You were something to jerk on. Now you ain’t even someone to drunkenly fuck.
So go outside, get in the car. Find yourself the ugliest, the dopest hooker and blow your load into her stretched ass to chill out. Kill some strangers, if doesn’t help, trash someone’s car, rob a store. No other entertainment in this fucking nowhere.
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cadrenebula · 6 days ago
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I think I need a little social media break. Plus I have vacation the 12th thru the 20th to start preparing for. I'll still likely be on game on various characters doing the mog tomes.
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meganwinchester · 1 year ago
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to follow up my post of jared… i don’t remember this photo op.
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belle--ofthebrawl · 1 year ago
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Floodwaters of Phlegethon is my fave bc possessive Rain is so hot. Love how he takes care of Dew and kicks Alpha’s ass!
As much as I love lazy princess Rain, he can still kick a little ass. As a treat.
Thank you so much!!
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theinternetisaweboflies · 2 years ago
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"You wear fine things well"
😭😭 shut uppp
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karliahs · 1 year ago
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i finished bg3 and it took 110 hours and i am not going to play again immediately so why do i keep thinking of characters
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coldflasher · 10 months ago
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currently experiencing The Horrors (thinking abt the fact that i have to start going into the office again from tomorrow)
this will either fix me entirely or cause me to descend so deeply into my burnout sinkhole that i will never be seen or heard from again
#regrettably i think maybe getting out of the house for a few hours might help. don't tell the ceo that#idk im having a really hard time keeping my head above water right now#i basically didn't have any time off last year just to do nothing. every holiday i took was to like. do an activity#like go to america or germany for cons or travel for a concert or some other event#whereas i usually use 75% of my time off to get some desperately needed rest#im really running on empty at this point but i really don't wanna use a bunch of my annual leave this early in the year#also i need to start learning how to say no to people#because last year i used probably 60% of my leave for other people#like. i used 2 weeks to go to washington with my brother as his 18th bday present. that was literally half my leave#and then i used another 3-4 days to visit relatives#and this year i was like 'im gonna be proper selfish with my a/l this year and use it ALL to do what i want to do'#then my mum rang me up and asked me to use a day of it to hang out with her and i said yes. like an idiot#like don't misunderstand me. i love my mum. but i already see her every weekend#and i also have to like. not tell her when i book leave for myself because she'll be like 'oh so we can do something!'#NO. PLEASE. LET ME ROT IN PEACE.#im just so frustrated that i im such a pushover and i already broke my promise to myself this early on#like. why can i not advocate for myself ever. why can i not just. disappoint people. and have that be okay.#personal
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rachiller · 1 year ago
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I actually had such a peaceful Tuesday off. Like, yes I didn’t get out of bed until like 2 & shower until 4 but I took it easy and didn’t put any pressure on myself and just like. Breathed and it was calm and I felt peaceful and just took time to be a quiet little slug.
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27-royal-teas · 9 months ago
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it’s kind of stupid but i really wish i was famous
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azatas · 1 year ago
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hmm maybe eris should dip into bard after alfira helps her rediscover her love of music would that be fucked up or what
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