#:(((( but make it :DDDD but make it a mental breakdown <3

[hercarisntyours]

the very thought of elita getting her own spin off is so very brain destroying I feel my brain cells breaking down as my brain attempts to keep my heart beating as said heart goes a thousand miles per hour it may just be a director wish but i will take all i can get i can't feel my toes the wind is rushing in my ears I'm overloading windows blue screening i'm rocking back and forth I'm I don't think anyone realised what this news would do to me

[nekole-doodles]

The Dreamwalker by Hydre has entered the list of fanfics that have put me on the edge of a mental breakdown more than 2 memorable times(that I distinctly remember) :D

1. Unlikely Events by Nymphii (I couldn't read this for a few months because it kept making my want to cry :/ I'm avoiding reading it for a second time since the ending is close, still can't believe this fanfic ended. It was one of my first fanfics :D maybe my 3rd??? This will be remembered as the fanfic that made me feel the pain of true angst for the first time)

2. His Curse of Binding (I think I shed tears for the last few chapters before the epilogue)

3. This Is Not An Act of Spite (I CAN'T EVEN FINISH THIS ONE YET BECAUSE THE PLOT IS AHHHHH, but it's incredible :D just sad)

4. Reverie by SaveEvans and Seriochol (DIMENSIONAL TRAVEL FIC :DDD)

5. The World Forgetting By The World Forgot by bonesandthebees (a classic ao3 author in the dsmp community)

6. Letters To A Lost Soul by SO MANY AUTHORS (it's an AMAZING concept btw :))

And NOW,

7. The Dreamwalker by Hydre (:DDDD)

Honorable Mentions:

Somewhere To Heal by Dearly Devoid

The Knight, The Bard, The Soldier, and...Ranboo? By Anamaze

Absolution by avardis (can you tell I like dimension travel fics yet?)

Ice To Water series/Icing Those Hurts by Drhair76 and plantform

Hollowed Homes by Lisbis (I fricking love this author btw)

Breathing's Just A Rhythm by MollyPollyKinz (hahaha so much angst :D It was easier to endure than the ones on the actual list though, even though I haven't finished it yet-)

[anthropwashere]

Got tagged by @ladyyatexel last October so that should really tell y'all where I'm at on replies for like, 99% of anything you want me to see. Sorry not sorry. I'm not trying my best even remotely but boy, I'm trying.

ANYWAY.

Last song: part of a frankly enormous playlist of an FMA AU I've kind've touched on over on AO3, but that version is frankly very different compared to where the current reluctant brainworms want to take this one. Either way we have this:

We also have the entire Puscifer remix album of Money $hot Your Re-Load which I'm fucking ADDICTED to at the moment, please treat yourself to The Vibes of some fantastic fucking remixes

Currently watching: Brainworm hell means I can't commit to any proper series more than like. 3 times a year? So right now I'm splitting my viewership between rewatching literally all of Game Grumps' 10 Minute Power Hours for like, the 15th time each vid just for the giggles and random actually intelligent YT essays by people I already follow.

Look man, if their voices are nice or they make me laugh, that's about as much as I can appreciate currently. I want to rewatch Good Omens again and I'm probably going to commit to that this week if that's anything?

At this very particular moment I stopped watching Caffeinated Dad's playthrough/summary of FFXIV to make this post, and he's amusing enough to plug

(If you don't FFXIV his summary vids are an excellent newbie catchall/breakdown. He's still a newbie himself and it's very cool to see his reactions to decade-plus old content considering what I, a 90% caught up player, knows. Oh the storm coming his way! :DDDD)

Current Obsession: BOY this one is in a weird place? Gimme a minute to lay this one out.

So like, I'm literally 6 years into having New Daily Persistent Headache and Fibromyalgia/probably Sjogren's Syndrome, which basically means I've had some flavor of migraine 24/7 since Feb 27 2018. My capacity to do like, literally any kind of creativity has goddamn motherfucking shitkicking cuntscruggling TANKED over the last several years. I am, mentally speaking, not doing great!

So instead of writing I spend a lot of time thinking of Very Silly AUs of writings I might, one day, maybe, attempt to commit to. The stories I spend many hours huddled in the dark thinking about are stories so displaced from any kind of canon there's really no point in trying to write them down and share with all of y'all. They're for me as a distraction from how much pain I'm in so many hours of every single goddamn shitkicking day of my life. More specifically, migraine hell is quelled at least a little bit by very silly Time Travel AUs of Bad Times Happen To Your Faves AUs.

So this week I'm thinking about an AU where Edward Elric loses his right arm again for keepsies years post-canon, adopts a kid OC, realizes that the way he defeated Pride accidentally turned him into a homunculus comparable to Bradley, and decades later finds himself temporally flung right back into the shittiest time of his life (AKA the canon timeline).

Is this any kind of fic worth writing? Not really, not without like, at LEAST 300k worth of pretense. In my hunchbacked hating life and physical sensations day-to-day life however? Yeah, yeah, it's funny. It's silly and pointless and poignant and distracts me by thinking of ways how an older Ed could manipulate canon events (or at the very least convey them to canon versions of everyone before the canon shit can hit hit the canon fan). It's all Very Funny and Interesting to me. Will I ever write it? Absolutely not. Will it live rent-free in my brain for years to come? Oh, abso-fuckin'-lutely. Time Travel AUs of Wild AUs I'll Never Commit To Publically are the bread and butter of my brain's capacity to tolerate like, existence, at this point in my life.

[dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt]

Take 2... ODD NUMBERS

Em you absolute MADWOMAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOU X’D X’D

THIS IS GONNA BE ALL THE ODD NUMBERS FROM THIS POST (feel free to still send even ones in pFFFFffffFFFt) so I’m putting it under the cut!! Gonna be looong!! If you wanna learn random stuff about The Matt, click read more. :P

1.if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

Read: Bird by Crystal Chan. Watch: Sense8. Listen to: this song.

3.three songs that you connect with right now.

this - this - this

5.have you taken someones virginity?

Nope. Not… yet? XD

7.if you could, would you take back your last kiss?

Haven’t had a proper one yet, unfortunately.

9.what was the last concert you saw?

Never been to one, too much noise and flashing lights and people = complete sensory overload and panic attack. Cinemas are bad enough. XD BUT I would be pretty tempted to see Coldplay live!!

11.do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

Sweet Cheesus yes please.

13.a song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?

this :D jk jk if it was somebody I rlly cared about it would be my favourite song probably

15.do you want to have kids? How many?

*hYsTeRiCaL lAuGhTeR* buddy I can barely take care of my own impulsive ass let alone a kid. But I’m never one to say never, so… I really don’t know. I’m not gonna be the one getting knocked up though, so adoption or… something else, depending on my eventual partner’s gender.

17.do you miss anyone from your past?

Yes. The two people I really miss though were slowly killing me so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ better off!!

19.have you ever broken someone’s heart?

I sure hope not! D:

21.have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

1) Haven’t had one yet :’) 2) I really really hope I never make them cry, I’ll never intend to. D’:

23.favourite weather?

A nice, cloudy, kinda chilly day with steady rain.

25.do you wanna get married?

Honestly I really don’t mind either way so it’ll depend 100% on my partner. If they want to, sure!! If they don’t, I won’t care. I do have this thing though where I tend to pass out if I stand still for a long amount of time so that’ll be… interesting. X’D my only thing will be that I want the ring bearer to be either dressed up as a Hobbit or to be a v good dog so those are my only conditions to marriage 😂😂😂

27.what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

Frodo reaction memes. X’D

29.what’s your favorite pasta dish?

Ravioli is pretty hecking good! I’m getting back into pasta recently, I never used to like it bc we used to have gluten pasta and it made me feel sick. But now I can find out which pastas I like!!! :’DDDDD

31.what’s your favorite eye color?

Blue eyes are stunning. It’s funny, my Mum has blue eyes and I’m so bitter that I didn’t inherit them. :((( But rlly all eye colours can be super pretty!!

33.are you a morning person?

Yes in the fact that I LOVE mornings. I can be grumpy first thing sometimes when I’m still half asleep but I get really happy and energetic from overtiredness lmao quickly!! :DDDD

35.what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

My boots. I’ve had them forever and I don’t own any other shoes, apart from some runners that are still practically brand new bc I never wear them. XD

37.tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

Okay so normally when I’m awake at 3AM it’s one of 3 scenarios: 1) I got fixated on something and don’t know how much time has passed, or 2) my insomnia has flared up yet again and I am this close to having a mental breakdown because I’m so tired, or 3) I got overtired and now act pretty much drunk and have too much energy to go to sleep. One time I sent Enna three separate rambly stupid asks about her OCs and I was so tired that the next morning I remembered I sent them but I couldn’t remember anything I said. She was super sweet about it. The end. X’D

39.who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

My Dad. We both love the stars. We were also talking about Pokemon and DND. XD

41.do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

I don’t particularly like it, I prefer just downloading songs now. Mainly because I don’t like a lot of songs from the same band and buying a whole CD or record just for ONE song that I like on it is… meh. XD The last one I bought was an Ed Sheeran CD and it was for my mum.

43.what are your favorite memes of the year so far

I haven’t found any yet that really grab me, we’ll see. X’D

45.what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

I got my Dad a One Direction calendar once. We both hated One Direction. (When the cashier gave 12-year-old me that kind of ‘stupid teenaged girl in love with a boy band’ look I stared right back at her and told her with a straight face we were going to light it on fire. I’ve never seen anyone look so pleasantly surprised in my entire life.) My Dad loooved it. X’DI asked my Dad for a toothpick a week before my birthday once and he didn’t have one. Guess what my “present” was that year. Guess. XD

47.describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

V tol and thoughtful and pretty and talented and nice and spams me and sends me pics of cute dogs occasionally. 11/10 good fren, would befren again. :’)

49.is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

Yup. Should be writing 2 things and maybe doing something else but idk if I should do the thing or not so. Procrastination it is. :))))

51.what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

Any mutual of mine who just sends me nice messages or asks me stuff warms my heart so much. And anyone who has ever shown interest in my OCs has my eternal gratitude, if y’all ever need a kidney you caN HAVE MINE.

53.what’s some of your favorite album art?

Literally anything Coldplay has ever had ever.

55.do you like concept albums? which ones?

They sound pretty cool but I don’t think I have any favourites…?? Idk.

57.list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

This one (This one. This one.

59.what do you do when you’re sad?

Isolate myself + throw love at my online friends so hopefully they don’t feel like I do. Also drink warm drinks and reading and spending time with my pets bc they always help.

61.what was the best (non-romantic) night you’ve had?

I read this as sex thing wooPS. X’D Best non-romantic night I’ve ever had.. hmm… the night we got our German Shepherd. It was Good Friday. We’d finally gotten our puppy. We stayed up super late watching her toddle around and fall asleep on us. One of my absolute favourite memories. :’D

63.what’s the best piece of advice you ever received?

“You will only find your special someone when you are perfectly happy with the idea of being single forever. You can only be in a comfortable and loving relationship with somebody else when you are in a comfortable and loving relationship with yourself.”

65.what’s your secret dream?

Be in a Marvel movie one day. ^-^” oof

67.three songs that remind you of the person who sends this one

The only things that come to mind are P!nk songs ASDFGHJKL XD

69.three last songs you listened to

Pffft the songs I put on this thing X’D

71.have you ever had a friends with benefits?

Nope but I’d be open to the idea! (i may even have plans with one fren lmao)

73.Is there anyone you would die for?

My family (friends included), my pets, what’s right: if the world could be magically fixed but I had to die I’d do it on the spot.

75.do you give out second chances too easily?

I used to. But then I used up all my second chances on people who didn’t deserve them. Normally if somebody really seriously hurts me, I give them one more chance and make it very clear for them to please not do that particular thing again. Everyone makes mistakes, I get that. But if they do that exact same thing again, I’m normally gone. I’m done with waiting around and getting hurt over and over just to “be a good friend.” That’s not being a friend, that’s being a doormat/punching bag.

77.is this year the best year of your life?

So far, nope. We’ll see though!!! :DDDDD

79.who/what was your last dream about?

I think it was about Shameless?? I heard there was a trans character so I watched just those clips and I think I dreamt about it. X’D

Thank you so much for asking, Em!! ^____^