#: muse: rosalie hale : the volturi

[ofdragondreamers]

@mystlcmemolrs -- jane & rosalie.

"oh, it's you." jane vaguely announces her presence, as she notices rosalie the moment she walks in the room. "i kind of thought i was the only vampire here. good to know i'm not alone, i guess."

[scvereignreigned]

tag drop: rosalie hale

: muse: rosalie hale

: muse: rosalie hale : emmett

: muse: rosalie hale : the cullens

: muse: rosalie hale : the volturi

: muse: rosalie hale : the denalis

: muse: rosalie hale : aro

: muse: rosalie hale : marcus

: muse: rosalie hale : caius

: muse: rosalie hale : jacob

: muse: rosalie hale : renesmee

: muse: rosalie hale : victoria

: muse: rosalie hale : james

: muse: rosalie hale : laurent

: muse: rosalie hale : charlie

: muse: rosalie hale : quileute pack

: muse: rosalie hale : benjamin

: muse: rosalie hale : royce king

: muse: rosalie hale : renee

: muse: rosalie hale : eric

: muse: rosalie hale : mike

: muse: rosalie hale : jessica

: muse: rosalie hale : angela

[wvsteria]

so this is is my starter/plotting call. obvs gonna be mostly dropping everything from pre event so trying to wrap up whatever plots need to be done now or at least hc them out in dms. anything post event will be transitioning from this event so most threads are just getting dropped.

if you'd like to plot in general give this a like if you want starters please only three per mun and three per muse. you must provide muse name or it will not be added to the list and if you go over i'll only grab the first three so please pay attention to what's being requested. i'm welcome to out of fandom plots so pls request if you want, however i may dm for plotting!

this call is separated into who is completely still unaware, people who went from their canon lives to medieval times, and people who know that dc flipped to medieval times randomly. as always i'm up for chaos plots as normal, though i mostly would like to explore this fantasy era with most muses in tact by the end.

people completely unaware, thinks modern medieval is their home

aro volturi | twilight | 3500+/40 | he/they | occupation: vampire/noble

plots: knights that guard him, other members of his court, other royals, an arranged marriage (he's already married so this wouldn't be an endgame plot), since it's fantasy world he's aware he's a vampire, so people he feeds on and people who may know his secret

(2/3) starters: kim possible (spy, anna), sulpicia (maig)

claire hargreeves | the umbrella academy | 20 | she/they | baker

plots: other people that bake with her, regulars at her shop, other merchants

(2/3) starters: klaus hargreeves (britt), martha hatter (baker, risa)

dain aetos | fourth wing | 22 | he/they | knight

plots: other knights, nobles that he guards, some friends.

(2/3) starters: achilles (sunny), lucy (noble, maria)

juniper andromeda | crescent city | 26 | she/they | dancer

plots: idk what this world's version of it is, but she still is a performer for entertainment, people that attend her shows, other artists.

(3/3) starters: alice (artist, anna), jisoo (musician, maria), lee harker (bard, kirie)

lan sizhui | the untamed | 20 | he/they | tax collector

plots: he's a good responsible boi in every setting so sorry but he needs ur money it's for the government, he follows rules for the most part here but like also tries to help people out where he can, other families he's known forever

(2/3) starters: tahiri (tax collector, dee), felicia hardy (jeweler, maria)

princess nehemia ytger | throne of glass | 24 | she/they | noble

plots: knights that guard her, other members of her court, other royals, an arranged marriage (could be midgame or endgame based on chem)

(2/3) starters: aelin galathynius (noble, mario), hunt athalar (cheshire)

paige matthews | charmed | 27 | she/her | whitelighter/witch/innkeeper

plots: people that stay at her inn, other inn owners for her to have friendly competition, employees at her inn, she likes to open the inn for anyone in need so even if you can't pay she'll let you stay, i'm letting her know about her powers in this fantasy setting so a charge she has to watch over as a 'guardian angel' so to speak, someone sus of her powers of course bcs she's a witch

(3/3) starters: sophie sheridan (innkeeper, atlas), hongjo (guest, maria), madoka kaname (sunny)

rosalie hale | twilight | 100+ | she/her | vampire/midwife

plots: people she's helped give birth, other physicians she can work alongside, families she helps afterwards with the babies, she does a lot idk, also bcs of fantasy world she knows she's a vampire but she keeps it hidden and only feeds on animals

(3/3) starters: aequa (june), emmett cullen (mario), alice cullen (swan)

sidney prescott | scream | 20 | she/her | thespian

plots: other actors in their shows, people that attend her shows, other artists.

(2/3) starters: alison (thespian, maria), randy meeks (jodie)

soren palpatine | star wars | 28 | he/they | plague doctor

plots: people who've been sick or get sick that he takes care of, other doctor's physicians

(2/3) starters: sella palpatine (maig), alice hart (z)

will solace | percy | 20 | he/they | plague doctor

plots: people who've been sick or get sick that he takes care of, other doctor's physicians, someone that notices his power of healing, possible witchcraft accusation

(2/3) starters: nico di angelo (sunny), astrid (knight, cassie)

people who don't notice the dc change

brinna javik | star wars | 23 | they/she | monster hunter

plots: other monster hunters, people who are protectors of the monsters, friends

(3/3) starters: kriya dura (kasey), zhao yunlan (ollie), mu qing (monster hunting, june)

cassandra dimitrescu | resident evil 8 | 23 | she/her | harlot

plots: other harlots pls for friends, other morally gray/bad peeps, people they can lure in for a meal pls and thanks, some other supernaturals

(2/3) starters: erica (harlots, dee), bash de poitiers (druid, sammy)

clarisse la rue | percy jackson | 26 | she/they | bailiff

plots: people she's put in jail, criminals she goes after, other ppl in the security line of work

(2/3) starters: azula (jodie), rosamund (pickpocket, cassie)

dominic toretto | fast & furious | 45 | he/him | carpenter/thief

plots: people he's done work for, rich people he can steal from, prob a 'wet nurse' or babysitter for the son (10 y/o), other labor workers

(2/3) starters: satine kryze (alex), jo laughlin (sammy)

jacen solo | star wars | 27 | he/him | noble/knight

plots: other knights, nobles that he guards, some friends, members of the family organa court since he's technically a noble

(2/3) starters: allana solo (kasey), tenel ka djo (mario)

jackson kenner | the originals | 30 | he/they | stableman

plots: other farmers/stablemen, people that come by to ride the horses

(2/3) starters: sion palpatine (alex), jester (innkeeper, cassie)

josette saltzman | legacies | 18 | she/they | herbalist

plots: other merchants or pharmacist like people, other witches she does magic with in hiding, people suspicious of her power, customer's that she's healed

(3/3) starters: lizzie saltzman (dee), ithan holstrom (cheshire), caroline forbes (swan)

kiara carrera | outer banks | 22 | she/her | merchant - sells fisherman items

plots: other merchants, fisherman or people that buy her items, other troublemakers in the town

(2/3) starters: chiaki nanami (messenger, anna), luca pagro (fisherman, britt)

manon benoit | the originals | 20 | she/they | bard

plots: she's new here but she's decided she will be singing and writing songs, catch her at your local tavern, pls tip her nicely, someone who helps her find a place to stay/roommate, other artists

(2/3) starters: lilo pelekai (barmaid, anna), bella swan (artist, kirie)

mason bishop | the vampire diaries | 20 | he/they | witch/mason

plots: other laborers, people he's helped build houses or things for, buddy is also a witch and is trying to avoid being caught and killed so some ppl who are sus of him

(2/3) starters: lizzie saltzman (dee), will graham (carpenter, kirie)

mouse honrada | pretty little liars: original sin | 18 | she/they | messenger

plots: people she delivers to daily, friends she's made along her route, she travels a lot, people her age to have fun with

(1/3) starters: aria montgomery (messenger, dee)

myri tiure | star wars | 25 | she/they | still a crime boss' daughter

plots: other thieves and morally bad people to mess around with

(2/3) starters: jabba hutt (dee), rotta (z)

natasha romanoff | marvel | 36 | she/her | mercenary

plots: nat uses her abilities for good so though she's a mercenary she's picky about what jobs she pulls, people in the similar line of work

(2/3) starters: yelena belova ( swan), bucky barnes (mario)

nathalie | crescent city | 24 | she/they | bailiff

plots: people she's put in jail, criminals she goes after, other ppl in the security line of work

(2/3) starters:stiles stilinkski (sheriff, risa), zed necrodopolis (britt)

queen padmé amidala | star wars | 27 | she/her | noble

plots: knights that guard her even though she doesn't want to be guarded, other members of her court, other royals

(3/3) starters: anakin skywalker (jodie), lola fleming narcisse (lady in waiting, sammy), mary stuart (swan)

princess samara palpatine | star wars | 24 | she/they | noble

plots: knights that guard her even though she doesn't want to be guarded, other members of her court, other royals that probably think she's crazy because they don't act like a royal fr, other derelicts she can cause trouble with

(2/3) starters: bean (nobles, anna), kaya dura (knight, maig)

sgaeyl | fourth wing | 30 | they/she | dragon tamer

plots: first off, they're pissed they arrived here and they aren't a dragon when there are clearly dragons around, instead they'll just be working closely with them to help them escape the monster hunters or smth, other supernaturals they find out about and keep their secret from the townsfolk

(2/3) starters: andarna (l), dean winchester (britt)

syala eren | star wars | 35 | she/they | tavern owner

plots: people that attend her tavern, all are welcome here especially supernaturals just try not to make a ruckus and alert the ppl

(2/3) starters: hayley marshall (l), zoro (sunny)

tara carpenter | scream | 19 | she/her | waitress

plots: any regulars at the shop she waits at, other worker friends

(2/3) starters: amber freeman (waitress, risa), deena johnson (sunny)

people who notice dc change

kol mikaelson | vampire diaries/the originals | 1000+ | he/they | noble

plots: other nobles he can freak out, members of the mikaelson court, people he keeps around so he can snack on, other supernatural friends

(3/3) starters: hope mikaelson (swan), chelsea (supernatural, cap), klaus mikaelson (mario)

mia winters | resident evil 8 | 36 | she/they | housewife

plots: neighbors, friends that she supposedly made this whole time, people she can freak out to about the time change

(2/3) starters: eveline (kaesy), rose winters (maig)

spencer hastings | pretty little liars | 26 | she/they | diplomat

plots: other nobles and people that they speak with to bring together different lands, neighbors, friends that she supposedly made this whole time, people she can freak out to about the time change

(3/3) starters: prince henry (knight, britt), hanna marin (swan), astrid (cap)

[lordofthestrix]

✨ au. Where they’re twilight vampires instead of tvd

Send ✨ and a plot idea for our muses I’ll respond on a scale of 1-10 how much I like it. (Except that I would be the kind of professor who doesn't believe in grading with numbers so you get my first random thoughts instead) 1) Aurora receiving a lot more rubies instead of emeralds when one of Tristan's birthday presents intends to arrive with a comment about the color of her eyes. 2) Tristan and whatever version of his organization is present here involved in a cold war or outright hostilities against a great number of Italian vampires. I am almost certain there was a comment from Julie Plec back in the day placing Tristan's Strix and the Volturi in a similar bag. I found it. "(...) takes us inside the world of The Strix, a secret society of vampires. I love secret societies. In my opinion, all good vampire stories need a mysterious secret society lurking somewhere in the shadows. But between the Volturi of Twilight and True Blood’s Vampire Authority, we never felt comfortable diving into that kind of mythology on TVD or early Originals seasons for fear of drawing comparisons. This year we felt like enough time had passed to give it a shot. We chose the name based on a mythological bird of ill omen that fed on human blood. In Greek, the word is “owl.” Hence the design on the calling card. Plus, with Halloween around the corner, the Strix provided us the perfect opportunity for a costume party. (...) Now, technically the two groups wouldn't be in direct opposition since the Volturi are more along the lines of a regulatory force and sort of forced government for immortals, occupied with keeping vampires a secret while Tristan prefers to remain a secret to the vampires he does not care about and gain influence over the way history is shaped, molding it to his designs. But there are dozens of reasons why those two objectives would clash. Besides, in a world where some vampires possess special, sometimes extremely useful gifts, Tristan would definitely add those to the list of desired members for his group so at the very least they would be like competing universities fighting over extraordinary members. 3) If Aurora happens to be inclined to pursue the possibility of that friendship...I can see Rosalie Hale getting the extremely rare seal of "...Fine. I suppose you are cool enough to hang out with my beloved sister." approval from Tristan. His standards are insane, yes, but even Tristan must admit the flair of a girl seeking vengeance in a wedding dress. I believe the origins of vampires as a species always remain a mystery in that universe? So if we retain their status as two thirds of the first sired-generation, there could be quite a bit of intrigue to explore there. Here is my question for you. I am quite curious to know your ideas. Would Aurora and/or Tristan have any unique abilities of their own in this universe? What kind of gifts could those be?

[insidetheceruleanskye]

𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 . . . this the muse left for THECERULEANSKYE. Please pay attention to the status of the muse located first inside the parenthesis.

OPEN . . . means accepting memes & starters without plotting SEMI SELECTIVE . . . means accepting memes & starters without plotting but will be slower to respond SELECTIVE . . . means accepting memes & starters but would prefer plotting with this muse and I will be slower to respond PLOT BASED . . . means that I don't accept memes & starters for this muse without plotting first. If you ignore this, then your request / meme will be denied. EXCLUSIVE . . . means that this muse is for only a certain number of people. click the link on their name to figure out who this meme is for.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐕𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒

Aurelie Mikaelson-Kirby ( Open, Maddison Jaizani )

Caroline Forbes ( Open, Candice King )

Freya Mikaelson ( Open, Riley Voelkel )

Hayley Marshall-Kenner ( Open, Phoebe Tonkin )

Hope Mikaelson ( Open, Danielle Rose Russell )

Josie Laughlin-Forbes ( Open, Kaylee Kaneshiro )

Lizzie Laughlin-Forbes ( Open, Jenny Boyd )

Seylah Chelon ( Selective, Sarah Shahi )

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐀

Bella Swan ( Open, Sarah Pidgeon )

Jane Volturi ( Plot based, Sabrina Carpenter )

Renesmee Cullen ( Open, Danielle Rose Russell )

Rosalie Hale ( Semi-Selective, Mia Healey )

𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐒

Emily Prentiss ( Selective, Paget Brewster )

Jennifer Jareau ( Open, AJ Cook )

Kate Callahan ( Open, Jennifer Love Hewitt )

𝐋𝐀𝐖 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐄�� : 𝐒𝐕𝐔

Amanda Rollins ( selective, Kelli Giddish )

Jessie Rollins ( selective, Zoe Levin )

Olivia Benson ( Plot based, Mariska Hargitay )

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐒

Cerise "Red" Heart ( open, Kylie Cantrall )

Evie Grimhilde ( Open, Sofia Carson )

Mal Fairy ( Selective, Dove Cameron )

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐋 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄

Natasha Romanoff ( Plot based, lea seydoux )

𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐔𝐏𝐎𝐍 𝐀 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄

Emma Swan  ( Selective, Jennifer Morrison )

Regina Mills  ( Selective,  Lana Parrilla )

Ruby Lucas ( Selective, Meghan Ory )

𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐄: 𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐗 𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐁

Bloom Peters ( semi selective, kennedy walsh )

Stella Solaria ( semi selective, virginia gardner )

Beatrix Alizée ( semi selective, sadie soverall )

[bleakfated]

Supernatural

Balthazar Inias Miles Asher Alicia Banes Tyson Brady Mick Davies Garth Fitzgerald Asa Fox Donna Hanscum Sunny Harrington Ellen Harvelle David Lassiter Alex Mills Jody Mills Cassie Robinson Bobby Singer Bela Talbot Patience Turner Rufus Turner John Winchester Sam Winchester

Lucifer

Amenadiel Mazikeen Chloe Decker Charlie Martin Linda Martin Lucifer Morningstar

Twilight

Mele of the Volturi Billy Black Embry Call Seth Clearwater Rosalie Hale Cora Littlesea

Supernatural OCs

Cameron Ambrose Theodore Bristol Madeline Cardelle Roxanne Carmichael Sidney Carmichael Teegan Carmichael Alyssa Moore Clarissa Moore Kyle Moore Charlotte Perrin Natalia Sinclair Raisa Turner Paxton Whitmore Luca Winchester Terra Winchester

MUSE ROULETTE && MEME CALL

[thesnowfelled]

Muses to be added to my mutli:  these could be old muses of mine or new ones. Any names with a ✦ next to it means that they will be on the next batch of muses to be added.  ✏  muses I have written before and aren’t new to me. If you have any suggestions for muses please feel free to comment down suggestions. 🖤 these muses will be post based. ✂️  next to them will have a different face claim than their original. 🥀  Means an original character of mine. ❌  A private muse of mine that will be written with only a handful of people. ⏱️  Means there will be no face claim for this muse.

Landon Kirby, Canon, The Vampire Diaries

Hayley Marshall, Canon, The Vampire Diaries

Hope Mikaelson, canon, the vampire diaries, over at @thegoldenheiress​

Josie Saltzman, Canon, The Vampire Diaries

Lizzie Saltzman, Canon, The Vampire Diaries

Freya Mikaelson, Canon, The Vampire Diaries

Caroline Forbes, Canon, The Vampire Diaries

Renesmee Cullen, Canon, The Twilight Saga

Bella Swan, Canon, The Twilight Saga

Jane Volturi, Canon, The Twilight Saga

Rosalie Hale, Canon, The Twilight Saga

Georgia Madison. Original, Fandomless

Vera Salvatore, Original, The Vampire Diaries, daughter of Damon

Liv Parker, Canon, The Vampire Diaries ✦

Seylah Chelon, Canon, The Vampire Diaries ✦ ✏ 🖤

Alaric Saltzman, Canon, The Vampire Diaries 🖤

Klaus Mikaelson, Canon, The Vampire Diaries ✏ 🖤 ✦

Katherine Pierce, Canon, The Vampire Diaries ✏

Rebekah Mikaelson, Canon, The Vampire Diaries ✏ ✦

Josette Laughli, Canon, The Vampire Diaries

Liz Forbes, Canon, The Vampire Diaries ✏

Cindy Berman, Canon, Fear Street

Samantha Fraser, Canon, Fear Street

Valerie Tulle, Canon, The Vampire Diaries

Jennifer Jareau, Canon, Criminal Minds ✏ 🖤

Emily Prentiss, Canon, Criminal Minds ✏ 🖤

Arizona Robbins.Canon, Greys Anatomy ✏

Meredith Grey, Canon, Greys Anatomy ✏

Elijah Mikaelson, Canon, The Vampire Diaries ✏ 🖤

Addison Montgomery, Canon, Greys Anatomy ✏

Amelia Shepherd, Canon, Greys Anatomy

April Kepner, Canon, Greys Anatomy

Jo Wilson, Canon, Greys Anatomy

Johanna Mason, Canon, The Hunger Games ✂️

Emma Swan, Canon, OUAT ✏

Regina Mills, Canon, OUAT * heavily divergent. ✏

Haley Dunphy, Canon, Modern Family

Claire Dunphy, Canon, Modern Family

Alex Dunphy, Canon, Modern Family

Piper Halliwell, Canon Charmed ✂️

Pure Halliwell, Canon, Charmed ✂️

Kate Todd, Canon, NCIS ✏ 🖤

Marine Piper, Canon, Halloweentown

Rafael Waithe, Canon, The Vampire Diaries

Astrid Jareau, Original, Criminal minds, niece of JJ ✏ 🖤  🥀 ❌

Jethro Gibbs, Canon, NCIS ✏ 🖤 

Katniss Everdeen, Canon, The Hunger Games  ✂️

Primrose Everdeen, Canon, The Hunger Games  ✂️ 

Esme Mikaelson, Original, The Vampire Diaries, daughter of Freya 🥀  ❌

Esme Cullen, Canon, The Twilight Saga

Tris Prior, Canon, Divergent

Vicki Donovan, Canon, The Vampire Diaries ✏ 🖤

Andrea Mikaelson-Kirby , Original, The Vampire Diaries, daughter of Hope ⏱️ 🥀 ❌ 

Braxton Shepard, Original, The Vampire Diaries⏱️ 🥀 ❌ 

Dante Williams, Original, The vampire diaries ⏱️ 🥀 ❌ 

Juliette Waybourne, Canon, Higher Ground ✏ 🖤 

Leah Cameron , Original, Criminal Minds 🥀 ❌ 

Aphrodite, Fandomless,  inspired by greek myths

Hera, Fandomless,  inspired by greek myths

Persephone, Fandomless,  inspired by greek myths

Natasha Romanoff, Canon, Marvel

Jenna Sommers, Canon, The Vampire Diaries

Kate Callahan. Canon. Criminal Minds

Bloom Peters. Canon. Fate: The winx Club

Stella Solaria. Canon. Fate: The winx club

Tinkerbell. Canon. Tinkerbell.

Georgia Miller  /  Mary Atkins. Canon. Ginny & Georgia.

Pandora Keydon. Original. Fandomless

Anastasia Brooks. Original. Fandomless

Olivia Benson. Canon. SVU ✏ 🖤

Amanda Rollins. Canon. SVU ✏ 🖤

Jessie Rollins. Canon. SVU ✏ 🖤 

Maya Hart. Canon. Girl Meets World. ✏ 🖤 

Zoe Benson. Canon. American Horror Story: Coven

[strangerobin]

Rue: Chapter 8 (Jasper Hale Imagine)

I'm back with another chapter! Can't say I'm very proud of this chapter, it's mostly just fillers and trying to tie up some loose ends before diving head first into Adeline and Jasper's past and present situation in the next few chapters. But I want to explore a bit just where the two stands in this relationship first and the personal dilemmas either of them are in respectively. And I certainly hope I've done Alice her justice!

But tell me what you think! Until next time!

Robin ;)

When they returned to the house, the others were still where they had left them. Everyone seemed to heave a relieved sigh when they saw that their heads and limbs were still one with their torsos. As if they were going to tear each other apart.

But of course there were far more ways to be hurt than being physically mauled to pieces. Jasper though humourlessly to himself.

“Adeline will be staying with us for a little while.” He announced nonchalantly.

The others only remained mute, gawking at the pair, as if they could not believe their ears for what they had just heard.

Adeline immediately gave a smile so bright it was practically irritating. “Threatened into submission, yes. And no, I won’t be of any trouble. I’ll be out of your hair in no time.”

Jasper shot her a wary look. What was she playing at now?

But the more he disapproved the more enthusiastic she appeared.

Esme and Carlisle were the first to recover from their shock.

“Oh you’ll be of no trouble to us at all, dear.” Esme had quickly warmed up to the girl. “Any friend of Jasper’s are a friend of ours.” She gestured for the girl to follow her into the house. “Come we’ll find you a room and some fresh clothes for you.”

“I’ll have whichever room that is the farthest from Jasper’s if you will, Mrs Cullen.” Her extra loud response was heard by everyone in the household.

It was apparent that she would not be civil with him and was going to make this month an absolute nightmare for him, to put his patience to his test. But for all the spite and pettiness, for a second he thought he saw a glimpse of the playful girl he had known all those years ago. And it thrusted him into a weird headspace. It was an exhilaration mixed with a crushing nervousness, the more she taunted him, the more his anticipation grew.

She was issuing her own challenge towards him.

He had to fight off a growing smile.

The others however seemed to take pity of the predicament he was in. Edward only shook his head at him, as if he had just grown another head on his shoulder, no doubt in disapproval of the pair; while Bella grinned, amused by the entire situation, probably reminded of her first encounter with the family herself. Rosalie’s distaste was evident on her face, taking an instant dislike towards Adeline. Clicking her tongue in annoyance, she was the first to voice her irritation.

“What do you think you’re doing Jasper?” She hissed. “You’re inviting a stranger into our house. A hybrid no less! What will the Volturi do if they get wind of this?”

“Oh come now Rose, must we go through this every single time?” Jasper rubbed his temple and sighed.

“What?” She retorted.

“Your aversion to strangers.”

“I do not have an aversion to strangers!” Rosalie stomped her foot in petulance.

Emmett immediately wrapped a comforting arm around the other. “C’mon babe, it’ll be fun. I mean it’s not everyday you get to see Jasper losing his cool.”

“I didn’t, Emmett.”

“You totally did man! You ran out just to chase after the girl, I mean c’mon Jas- Ow! What was that for?!”

“My hand must’ve slipped.” Jasper kept his face cool, even if he did just whacked Emmett in the head.”

“Children.” Carlisle admonished softly. “Be nice, she’s still our guest and she can hear the lot of you.”

The crowd finally broke off to return to their respective engagements. All through their banter/ discussion Alice had remained silent, and when the conversation ended she immediately ducked out of the room, with Rosalie and Emmett following close behind.

“Renesmee will be ecstatic to known that her friend’s back.” Jasper heard Bella murmur to Edward as they both headed towards their cottage.

“Bella, she doesn’t even know her like that.” For afar, he could still hear the wariness in Edward’s voice. Jasper made a mental note to ask Edward about it later.

Only Carlisle lingered. He could sense the concern from the other man and he turned back again to acknowledge it.

“Something on your mind Carlisle?”

“Are you sure about this Jasper?”

Always with the straightforwardness, he mused to himself. “You mean the bond?”

“No, I mean this. This arrangement.” Carlisle gestured to the girl somewhere in the house. “Are you sure this is what you want? For her to be here?”

“Yes.” He answered in a heartbeat. He needed answers and he needed to know, just how changed she had become. And he can’t imagine any way, other than the bet, to trap her here for the moment, for awhile at least. For them to be forced to be reacquainted with each other. If he did not act then, there was no other way for him to stop her leaving. She was a free individual after all, and what else could he do other than physically restraining her and forcing her to stay?

“And Alice?”

He did not have a clever answer for that.

Because indeed he did not have a solution to that.

In the days that followed, both had avoided him like the plague. Both had taken to hiding in their own respective part of the house; Adeline had taken the loft and Alice had moved out of their own room and into one of the guest rooms. He had returned from his hunt one day and half of their room had been emptied out.

It was like a slap to his face.

Dear Alice, sweet Alice. In the end, just as she had said, she would not be the obstacle between him and Adeline. This was her best wishes for him; by giving up on them. He supposed it was only fair that he should let her go as she had pleaded. He had no right to court another while still demanding love from another. But this separation still pained him immensely.

It tore his heart into two.

He could not throw away 70 years of love away just like that. And he could not hurt Alice like that, could not let her break things off herself one-sidedly, without even a word or acknowledgement.

His mind was made.

He found her in her usual spot; the hollow in the ferns. Of course Alice had anticipated him, she simply gave him a watery smile before burying her face into his chest.

“This is the last time.” She sighed into his chest.

Yet even this promise was another knife to his conscience.

“How are you feeling?” He murmured tenderly into her hair.

Alice looked up and tried her best to smile through her unshed tears. “Jasper, I- She’s beautiful. So much more lovelier in person and in broad daylight. I can see why you still love her, even now…”

“Alice…” Jasper sighed, bringing his hands to hold her cheeks gently. “You don’t have to compare yourself to Adeline. It wasn’t her beauty I fell in love with; and neither did I love you for your looks only. You’re lovable just by being you.”

That seemed to cheer her up, for a bit at least. For she beamed and chuckled. But then as quickly as it happened, she was instantly back to her distracted self.

“I switched out all of the pictures of us and moved out everything into the guest room so that she wouldn’t get the wrong idea.”

Can someone really just pack up 70 years worth of love and time and memories into one container and just throw it all away? Never to be seen in the light of day. As if nothing ever happened. Can anyone?

Alice kept on blabbering, though was it to distract him or was it simply to distract herself, only she would know.

“I don’t think it’s right for us to be staying in the same room anymore. So I took the liberty to move out the moment she came.”

“Alice.”

“Just tell me if you need any of our stuff I’ll return it to you discreetly-”

“Alice!”

That seemed to shake her from her monologue and she gulped visibly, ready for whatever Jasper had to say next.

He didn’t want to pull an Adeline on Alice. No, no. He wanted to get this through to her. Whether they remain amicable as friends or part ways in bitterness, he had to get it through to her. He owed her this. Not a cold hearted ‘thanks for your time but my soulmate is here now so you can leave’. He needed to convey to her just what she meant and will always mean to him.

A stream of light in the dark, a breath of fresh air in his long and suffocating life of guilt and torment.

She had to know that without her, he would have been gone all those years ago.

“I don’t- I don’t want you to think that Adeline is any better than you, in terms of anything, not beauty, not intellect or personality. Because she’s not. You’re you and she’s she. Don’t ever change Alice, always be the energetic manic pixie that you are. Be yourself.

“Whatever happened between me and Adeline is between us, whether it’s karma for us to meet again now. It has nothing to do with you no matter what. You rescued me from myself and I will always always be grateful to you and if we could only continue be friends after all this-”

“But we will.” Already Alice’s grin was getting bigger and bigger, though there was a wistfulness in her eyes. “You saved me too you know; countless times.”

“I- Just… thank you…” He took her hand in his and gingerly caressed them. “And I want you to know that, I have loved you all these years as a friend, as a sister and as a lover. And I will always love you.”

“Just not that way you love Adeline.”

“No, I suppose not.” Jasper smiled self-depreciatingly.

“It’s alright, she’s your mate.” Alice blinked owlishly.

But Jasper shook his head slowly, contemplatively. “No, it’s more than that.”

“Oh?”

“It’s…” And yet he couldn’t put into words, just what this inexplicable feeling is.

“You’ll get there.” Alice’s smile pulled him back to reality. “Take your time.”

“Time, she won’t give me enough.” Jasper let out a sigh, then returned his attention to the little pixie. “But I didn’t come here to talk about my problems. I came to talk about you.”

Alice’s lips quirked up again. “Silly man. You know I’ll never hold a grudge against you.” Then her eyes grew distant as if she was looking into a time faraway. “I suppose my only wish is that… someday I’ll find someone like Adeline is to you.”

“You will.” Jasper leaned in to place a chaste kiss on her forehead before pulling back to look into those pair of clear liquid gold.

“I have no doubt in that.”

*

The loft, in her opinion, was wonderful. It was warm and cozy; the ceiling was slanted with a skylight window mounted on the roof that opened up to a scenery of trees canopies and from her vantage point she could just make out the mountainous terrain in the distance. And when she laid on her simple mattress and pillow, Adeline could watch the stars pass and the light change as it filtered into the room. Esme had insisted that it was too small for a guest and had pressed her to move into the guest room downstairs. But she loved the coziness and the skyline far too much to give it up.

Her room was otherwise bare, save for the stacks of books she had managed to snag from the library downstairs; and the few clothes that a silently fuming Rosalie had thrown out. Her worn satchel bag hung up in the corner, the leather peeling and showing at the corners. And an actual functioning laptop the Cullens had gotten her from Port Angeles.

This was more luxury than she ever had in the last couple of years since breaking off from her father.

She should be content with all the arrangement. She really should.

Yet despite it all, Adeline felt a profound sense of emptiness gnawing at her. A growing sense of dissatisfaction, of boredom.

She avoided the Cullens to the best of her ability, especially Jasper and Edward, because she couldn’t find it in herself to face the former and because she desperately needed her privacy from the latter. But she couldn’t help observing them from afar.

It was amazing how people of different walks of life could come together and find in one another a family they could turn to even at their lowest. The maternalistic Esme, Carlisle the patriarch of the family. Edward and Bella’s own little perfect family; all the other siblings. Even the ever disagreeable Rosalie was fiercely protective of her family.

She thought of her own flesh and blood and had to scoff.

Tatiana and father would be in hysterics if she even so much as suggest playing at house. As for all the others, well she couldn’t even recall half of them. And the only ones she could play pretend with, she did not have the heart to disturb their peace.

From her point by the window, she could see clearly the entire family gathered at the backyard around a bonfire, chilling around in the growing twilight. Renesmee was dancing around her parents, chatting incessantly about something; the couples were lost in their little world, soaking up in the presence of the other. And in the corner, there was Jasper and Alice sharing a benching, with their backs to her.

There was something she couldn’t pinpoint as she watched the two smile at each other, shoulders occasionally bumping, elbowing each other when a joke was shared.

An intimacy of sorts.

Then Jasper suddenly threw his head back and laughed without abandon at what Alice had said.

Adeline’s eyes widened, and her heart gave a violent thump.

In that moment, despite it all, Adeline wished more than anything that it was her who was beside him, that it was her who had made him laugh without a care.

It used to be me. She thought bitterly. And I gave it all away-

No, no, no, no. She stopped her thought immediately; she was not getting there again. Adeline rested her forehead against the window glass, letting the coolness calm her thoughts, putting a lid of the emotions that was threatening to leak out.

Take deep breaths. She psyched herself. You just need to get through this month, whatever bullshit Jasper sprouts, they’re all just lies. The minute this month ends, you’ll never have to see him ever again. You’ve done this before Adeline, you can do it again.

Her breathing evening, Adeline turned away to lay back into bed and buried her face into the pillow.

This was going to be another long and sleepless night.

*

“So Adeline,” Renesmee asked as they walked along the mountain trail. “Will you tell me more about yourself?”

Adeline sighed inwardly. So much for trying her best to avoid the family.

As soon as Renesmee had heard about Adeline’s arrival, she had practically begged to spend time with her new ‘friend’. Adeline herself was no match to the child’s begging and before long she already found herself agreeing to it. As for the father, albeit wary of the other, Edward’s stubbornness had finally crumbled under his daughter’s incessant begging and puppy eyes. So here they were, Adeline and Renesmee at the front, Jasper and Edward hanging not far behind. Renesmee had her arms securely wrapped around Adeline’s and she was practically hanging off like a monkey. Adeline had to laugh at that, the child was grinning gleefully from ear to ear.

“And what would you like to know?”

“When and where were you born?”

“I was born in 1789 in French Louisiana.”

“Then you’re more than 200 years old?!” Renesmee exclaimed. “Wow, that’s pretty old! Though that would make Grandpa Carlisle the oldest I know still, he’s from England from the 1660s I think.”

Adeline chuckled. “There are many more ancient than you know of Renesmee. Compared to them we’d be all babies in their eyes.”

“That’s true I guess.” The child mused. “And how was it like? To grow up during that time? Were your parents kind to you?”

Adeline felt her smile falter.

“My mother died giving birth to me, and my father wasn’t even aware of my existence when I was born. He never raised me.”

Surprised by her sudden bitter reply, Renesmee shrank back as if bitten and frowned to herself as she muttered a quick apology. “Oh… I’m sorry.”

“Well to be fair, it’s not your fault.” She tried to keep up the nonchalant facade. It shouldn’t sting anymore now, not after all these years. “It’s just that… Not every parent love each other as much as your parents do Renesmee. And not all people are brave enough to protect and save their loved ones like your father did.”

But it did stung. It stung to see there was actually someone who was willing to protect and save his beloved from death, instead of leaving them to die. She thought of her mother whom she had never known. In the depths of her heart, resentment mixed with guilt stirred and she had to clamp it all down before they surfaced.

“On the bright side.” Adeline continued quickly in forced cheerfulness. “My sister Henriette was there to raise me, and when she married, my brother-in-law Ralph was also there to take up half the burden. I had a nephew Timothee growing up with me, he became a military officer and was stationed in Texas.”

At the mention of Texas, Renesmee swiftly took a peek at the two adults deep in conversation at the back and then pressed her hand deep into Adeline’s. She gasped felt a shock as warmth ran through their touching hands, then she saw a vision of Jasper and a question directed at her. Was that where the two of you met?

The vision faded and she turned to Renesmee in astonishment, whose eyes were twinkling with mischief.

“What was that just now?” Adeline asked, still reeling from the shock.

Renesmee giggled in glee and made a grab of her hands to intertwine them together. It’s a special ability of mine. I can show you my thoughts and memory when I touch you. We can talk like this?

Spending a long minute to recover from her initial shock and astonishment, Adeline returned a wide grin towards the girl. “Then you must show me all of Jasper’s dirty little secret.”

Promise.

They continued on their merry way up the peak, Renesmee continuing her bombard of questions.

“Are there many like us?”

“I’m sure there are plenty out there just like us… I have quite some siblings myself.” Adeline stared forward in reminiscence. “Like me, like you.”

“Oh?”

“I have a younger sister, a bit younger than you. Bubbly little thing, although maybe a little bit too smart for her age.” Adeline smiled at Renesmee. “The two of you would be the best of friends.”

“Really?” Renesmee eye’s were twinkling in excitement. “Can I meet her? Can I? Can I?”

“Well I’m sure if your father agrees it’s not impossible.”

Squealing in delight, Renesmee turned back to make a beeline for her father. Adeline watched on, somewhat amused, as the child tackled her father with an enthusiasm that Edward did not mirrored. Edward caught his daughter expertly, and in between giving her incessant chatter and his replies, he shot Adeline dirty looks, as if accusing her of corrupting his daughter already. Pursing her lips petulantly, Adeline turned her attention to the other man by Edward’s side. There was an equally amused yet also tender look on Jasper’s face, and before she realised what she was doing, she made a face at Jasper.

Catching herself only far too late, Adeline frowned and quickly turned to continue on her way. But Jasper had already seen it and in a heartbeat he was by her side, falling in step as they ventured on. It had felt so natural then, yet now it unnerved her to no end to even have the man at her side.

Stupid idiot! For a second she wanted to slap herself in the face so hard. What were you thinking!

Adeline tried her hardest to keep her attention straight ahead, but it proved to be harder with every passed second. They were so close now their shoulders were practically touching, and it made her uneasy, this invasion into her personal space and boundary.

Soulmate my ass. She thought to herself. She couldn’t even bring herself to look him in the eye.

If Jasper sensed any of her unease he didn’t make a show of it. Instead he casually continued to walk beside her, taking in the scenery as he did.

“So what were the two of you conspiring about? Hopefully not my demise.” Jasper was the first to break the ice.

“Nothing worthy of your worry.” She retorted. “She only asked me about my childhood. And anyways I’m well aware the two of you were eavesdropping on us at the back.”

Jasper hummed, seemingly unaffected that he was found out so easily.

“The two of you weren’t exactly on the softer side during your discussion.”

Adeline scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“So…." Trying to find another topic to continue the conversation, Jasper continued his speaking. “Henriette huh, she’s your sister and not your grandmother.”

“Well yes.” Adeline frowned, wondering where this was going. “I couldn’t really continue posing as her sister as she got older while I still looked practically the same.”

“What happened to her in the end?”

“She died.” Adeline shrugged. “As all men do. I buried her myself.”

Jasper looked away uncomfortably. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” She kept her reply nonchalant. “She had a wonderful life, devoted husband, successful son, an undead sister who remembers her still. I’d say she had a pretty decent life.”

She hated how curt her replies were; hated how everyone was trying to stir up emotions from the depths of her soul, to break this tranquility she had maintained all these years. For God's sake she didn’t want to be sentimental at all!

She desperately needed a change of subject.

“So…”

He could feel the uneasiness Adeline radiated, the surge of emotion within her when he mentioned Henriette, could practically see the cogwheels turning in her head, trying in vain to steer the conversation away from the painful subject of her past. Somehow it always came to this. Jasper thought. He had only meant to be friendly, but things got awkward fast enough so that neither could carry out any kind of meaningful conversation.

“So…” He continued to listen on as Adeline struggle to speak. “so I didn’t realise…That this family was supposed to be gifted!” She finally exclaimed.

“If Edward is a telepath and Renesmee is a... um able to communicated with touch, who else is gifted here? Don’t tell me Rosalie’s power is being ultra beautiful.”

“Huh…" Jasper turned to look at her in astonishment before quirking his lips at the idea of it. “She wish.” Continuing to observe his partner for her reactions, Jasper continued. “Well I guess you could say that we have a few gifted persons in the family. Bella has a sort of um... mental force field, she’s the only one Edward can’t mind read.”

Adeline’s brow shot up at that. “Go on.”

“Alice is a seer, she can see the future... though she can only see vampires and humans in her vision. She can’t see the future of your kinds very clearly.” If not we would’ve seen you coming years ago.

“And you?” Adeline turned to look at him, her face impassive, waiting for a response.

Her impassiveness made him uncomfortable, for a moment he didn’t know how much should he let on, for fear of how she would react. Betrayed? Mistrustful and wary of manipulation? Would she think herself manipulated into staying? Lucky for him, she was not a mind reader. But he didn’t want to be deceitful.

If there was one thing he wanted, it was to be truthful to her from the start. He wanted to rebuild the trust between them. Their relationship may be unsalvageable, but he didn’t need to give her more reasons to distrust him.

Jasper swallowed reflexively. “I’m an empath. I can feel and manipulate the emotions of others.”

“Oh!” She blinked and gave a little exclamation, expression unreadable. “That’s... impressive.” She finally commented flatly.

They lapsed into an awkward silence then, both stalling, waiting for the other to speak first.

“Then... what am I feeling right now?” She suddenly asked out of the blue.

He briefly wondered if she was testing his ability. But he needn’t focus anymore than he was doing already, Adeline was practically radiating with mistrust and nervousness.

“You don’t trust me.”

Adeline opened and closed her mouth like a fish then; clearly not knowing what to say.

“It’s alright. It makes people uncomfortable more than half the time... I’m not going to manipulate your emotions to me.” Jasper laughed depreciatingly.

“Have you?” She questioned softly.

Jasper started at the question.

“No I haven’t.” His answer was curt and perhaps a little cross. He was hurt that she would think him capable of doing something so low.

Now it was getting even more awkward.

“I’m sorry…" she finally mumbled.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.”

Silence ensued again.

He desperately tried to grapple for something to speak while Adeline was clearly fidgeting more and more by his side.

“You’ve got hidden talents up your sleeves too don’t you.”

“I…" Adeline glanced at him nervously, eyes shifting, no doubt contemplating whether it was safe for her to disclose so much to him. Whether he would use it for leverage or manipulate her weakness if the time required it. He couldn’t help the bitterness that came with the thought.

“You don’t need to deny it, I’ve seen the way you seemed to disappear into thin air; and the way you fight... there’s this sort of instinct there... it felt like you were acting long before you were thinking or even realising it.”

“Concealment.” Adeline shrugged. “If I focus enough, I can conceal my scent and myself so that no one can find or see me. It’s useful during escapes.”

“And the other…?"

Adeline stiffened visibly, her right hand coming up unconsciously to finger her earlobe, playing with the earring there; it was a nervous habit of hers, and he was somewhat surprised to see it still after years.

“It’s not really exactly a power or sorts... it’s more of an instinct…" she frowned trying to find the correct word to explain herself. “It’s like a voice that talks to me, warns me of all the dangers around me... and sometimes I see signs... everywhere. It’s a bit hard to explain.”

“And… what is your instinct telling you now?” Jasper held his breath, bracing for the answer he wasn’t sure he actually wanted.

She narrowed her eyes at him then, scrutinising, those pretty cornflower orbs darkening. Her eyes raked over his features, as if searching for an answer.

“Nothing. It’s telling me nothing.”

She finally said before turning away and marching onward.

Except it did tell her things, her instinct

It told her things that scared her as much as if it were telling her that her father was near.

Or maybe even more.

[ofuntoldstories]

Muse list.        If there is a name of a muse on here that you don’t know about that seems like an oc you can always ask about their status, more about them but as of right now my ocs aren’t really for others to rp with unless you are my close friend. A lot of them are tied closely to her characters and have been since we started writing together. This is a rough draft merely to give everyone an idea of who is going and who is coming on this blog.  Comment down suggestions as well!

𝙲𝚁𝙸𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙰𝙻 𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙳𝚂.  

Astrid Jareau

Caitlin Jareau

Emily Prentiss

Jennifer Jareau

𝙷𝙸𝙶𝙷𝙴𝚁 𝙶𝚁𝙾𝚄𝙽𝙳.

Jessica Merrick

Juliette Waybourne

Shelby Merrick

𝙽𝙲𝙸𝚂.

Caitlin Todd

Jethro Gibbs

Ziva David

𝚃𝚆𝙸𝙻𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃.

Bella Swan

Rosalie Hale

Jane Volturi

Alice Cullen

𝙻𝙰𝚆 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙾𝚁𝙳𝙴𝚁: 𝚂𝚅𝚄

Amanda Rollins

Jesse Rollins

Olivia Benson

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚅𝙰𝙼𝙿𝙸𝚁𝙴 𝙳𝙸𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙴𝚂.

Caroline Forbes

Elena Gilbert

Liv Parker

Liz Forbes

Jenna Summers

Josette Laughlin

Katherine Pierce

Vicki Donavan

𝚃𝙷𝙴 ���𝚁𝙸𝙶𝙸𝙽𝙰𝙻𝚂.

Freya Mikaelson

Hayley Marshall

Rebekah Mikaelson

𝙻𝙴𝙶𝙰𝙲𝙸𝙴𝚂.

Hope Mikaelson ( over at naturesloopholed )

Jade Summers

Josie Saltzman

Lizzie Saltzman

𝙶𝚁𝙴𝚈𝚂 𝙰𝙽𝙰𝚃𝙾𝙼𝚈.

Amelia Shepherd

Meredith Grey

𝙱𝚛𝚒𝚍𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚘𝚗

Daphne Bridgerton

Violet Bridgerton

𝙾𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚄𝚙𝚘𝚗 𝙰 𝚃𝚒𝚖𝚎.

Regina Mills

Emma Swan

𝙳𝚎𝚜𝚌𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚜.

Mal Bertha

Luna Wolf

[eternalshq]

𝑻𝑨𝑺𝑲                   𝑵𝑼𝑴𝑩𝑬𝑹                   𝑶𝑵𝑬         !

𝐈𝐍  𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐑  𝐓𝐎  𝐊𝐈𝐂𝐊  𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒  𝐎𝐅𝐅  &  𝐆𝐄𝐓  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐃𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐎𝐀𝐑𝐃  𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆  , our   first   task   will   be   mandatory   to   ALL   members  ,   all   other   tasks   will   be   optional  .    for   this   task  ,    we   will   be   pairing   each   of   you   with   two   other   members   that   you   will   be   writing   with  .    you   will   then   create   a   starter   for   each   of   the   members   that   you   are   paired   with  .    this   starter   can   be   a   one  -  liner  ,    paragraph  ,    or   anything   you   would   like   it   to   be   --   we   will   be   giving   you   all   full   creative   control  .    if   you   are   struggling   to   come   up   with   your   own   starter  ,    some   ideas   are   that   you   can   take   these   from   an   ask   meme  ,    a   song   lyric  ,    a   quote  ,    or   using   a   generator  .    we   encourage   you   to   reach   out   to   the   people   that   you   are   paired   with   so   that   you   can   plot   with   them  .    communication   will   help   these   threads   to   have   more   depth    &    development  .    please   be   mindful   not   to   GODMOD   one   another   --   ask   the   other   mun   for   approval   before   assuming   they   would   have   knowledge   about   an   event   or   plot   going  on   with   that   muse  .    we   will   be   giving   you   NINETY  -  SIX   hours   to   post   these   starters   so   that   you   have   the   first   FORTY  -  EIGHT   to   post   your   introductions  .    please   be   sure   to   post   your   introduction   before   interactions  .    PLEASE   LIKE   THIS   POST   ONCE   YOU   HAVE   READ   IT   IN   FULL  .    the   pairings   will   be   listed   below   under   a   read   more  .

isla kade   --   finnick   &   theo   &   carter  . finnick bane   --   theo   &   renesmee   &   jared  . theo rigby   --   gwendolyn   &   celestia  . sophie soto   --   trenton   &   ianthe   &   raven  . leah clearwater   --   maeve   &   tanya   &   dimitri  . stefan maxwell   --   leah   &   isla   &   edward  . ianthe song   --   stefan   &   jane   &   heidi . carmen denali   --   tanya   &   trenton   &   chelsea  . tanya denali   --   emmett   &   bastien  . isabella cullen   --   edward   &   carmen   &   bree  . emmett cullen   --   esme   &   finnick  . esme cullen   --   rosalie   &   dimitri   &   jasper  . edward cullen   -   renesmee   &   jane  . renesmee cullen   -   isabella   &   rosalie  . rosalie hale   -   emmett   &   sophie   &   bree  . trenton priestly   --   ianthe   &   leah   &   bastien  . jane volturi   --   vera   &   sophie . celestia van doren   --   isla   &   augustus  . gwendolyn mcgrath   --   celestia   &   jasper  . maeve silver   --   gwendolyn   &   stefan  . vera fairchild   --   maeve   &   celestia  . jared cameron   --   leah   &   trenton  . bastien danton   -   carter   &   jane   &   chelsea  . carter  beauchamp   --   maeve   &   vera  . dimitri vilhelm   --   stefan  &   ianthe  . raven  maxwell   --   dimitri  &   isla  . alec volturi   --   jane   &   edward   &   heidi  .  augustus van doren   --   isla   &   vera  . heidi volturi   --   finnick   &   jane   &   didyme  . bree tanner   --  esme   &   maeve   . didyme   --   trenton   &   alec  . chelsea volturi   --   didyme   &   alec  . jasper hale   --   trenton   &   rosalie  .

[thetequilawine]

Until the muse list page is completely set up, under the cut is what I got.

NAME: Katerina Baker FC: Kaya Scodelario MEDIA: Spinning out STATUS: Canon, Primary 

NAME: Caroline Forbes FC: Candice King MEDIA: TVD STATUS: Canon, Primary 

NAME: Seylah Chelon FC: Undecided MEDIA: Legacies STATUS: Canon, By request 

NAME: Josette Saltzman FC: Kaylee Byrant MEDIA: Legacies STATUS: Canon, By Request 

NAME: Elizabeth Saltzman FC: Sydney Sweeney  MEDIA: Legacies STATUS: Canon, Primary

NAME: Katherine Pierce FC: Nina Dobrev MEDIA: TVD STATUS: Canon, Secondary 

NAME: Freya Mikaelson FC: Riley Voelkel MEDIA: The originals STATUS: Canon, Secondary 

NAME: Hayley Marshall FC: Phoebe Tonkin MEDIA: The originals STATUS: Canon, Primary 

NAME: Jennifer Jareau FC: AJ Cook  MEDIA:  Criminal Minds STATUS: Canon, Primary 

NAME: Emily Prentiss FC: Paget Brewster MEDIA:  Criminal Minds STATUS: Canon, Primary 

NAME: Caitlin Jareau FC: Peyton R. List MEDIA:  Criminal Minds STATUS: OC, Primary 

NAME: Aphrodite Olympus FC: AJ Cook  MEDIA:  Greek Mythology STATUS: Canon, Primary 

NAME: Lauren Reynolds FC: Peyton R. List MEDIA: Fandomless STATUS: OC, Primary 

NAME: Andrea Reynolds FC: Phoebe Tonkin MEDIA: Fandomless STATUS: OC, Primary 

NAME: Amelia Shepherd FC: Caterina Scorsone MEDIA:  Greys Anatomy  STATUS: Canon, Primary 

NAME: Jane Volturi FC: Dakota Fanning MEDIA:  Twilight  STATUS: Canon, Primary 

NAME: Rosalie Hale FC: meg donnelly MEDIA:  Twilight  STATUS: Canon, Primary 

NAME: Isabella Swan FC: Undecided  MEDIA:  Twilight  STATUS: Canon, Primary 

NAME: Remington Hadley FC: Olivia Wilde MEDIA:  House MD STATUS: Canon, Primary 

NAME: Alison Cameron FC: Jennifer Morrison MEDIA:  House MD STATUS: Canon, Primary 

NAME: Elijah Mikaelson FC: Daniel Gillies  MEDIA: TVD  STATUS: Canon, Private 

NAME: Atlas Mikaelson-Kirby FC: Undecided MEDIA: TVD  STATUS: Canon, Private 

NAME: Elizabeth Saltzman-Kirby FC: Undecided MEDIA: TVD  STATUS: Canon, Private 

NAME: Andi Mikaelson-Kirby FC: Undecided MEDIA: TVD  STATUS: Canon, Private 

NAME: Nadia petrova FC: Undecided MEDIA: TVD  STATUS: Canon, secondary 

NAME: Primrose Everdeen FC: willow shields MEDIA:  Hunger Games  STATUS: Canon, Primary 

[cozy-possum]

by any chance can you write a thing like "the first time Rosalie met Aro" (around 1934 before emmett) and like what he thought about her

Hell yeah I can

-Rosalie it’s not safe-

“Not for you.” She answers and Edward cringes turning to Carlisle.

“He’s right we can-” Carlisle turns at the glare Esme gives him.

“Let her meet them for herself, without our opinions.” Esme speaks and Rosalie decides to leave after that.

She’s surprised how easy it is to get to Volterra, How Carlisle influence and his position as a once king gains her entry and doors open she wasn’t expecting.

The guard who greets her silent and she watches as the woman leads a group of humans, all men she muses. The woman wearing a low cut dress and exposing far too much skin to be decent.

She makes it to the throne room and realises that no one has spoken a word to her. She steps forward, towards the throne’s that sit empty.

“Carlisle Cullen’s newest change then?” The voice drifts next to her and she nods.

“Rosalie Hale, sir.” She can hear a hum in response. the blonde haired man watches from his seat, she’s unsure when he appeared.

“I am Caius Volturi, Marcus Volutri is there. Now what do you offer us?” His voice hums as he gestures to the other man, a young boy, black hair shimmering in the fire light. Rosalie cringes back and she’s surprised to find Marcus does as well.

“I’m not who you think.” She nods comforted by Marcus’ voice. She turns at the vampire who appears behind her.

“Oh, a new recruit?” His voice sounds like high bells and as Rosalie looks at him she watches his eyes, milk film beginning to creep at the edges.

“No, just a visit, I’m-” His hand touches her and she pulls back snarling. the vampire stalls.

“Sorry my dear, I was not aware you had not been informed of my powers.” She slowly reaches as he moves gripping her hand. Rosalie can feel something buzzing in the back of her head.

“Hmm, you’ve been through much. Not anything we want though, you may leave.”

Rosalie scowls.

“I’m visiting from Carlisle Cullen’s-”

“Yes i know. As I said before you offer nothing to this coven, return home, unless you wish to be like Heidi for us?” Rosalie bristles as he gestures to the woman she’d seen leading the humans in.

“You want to use me?” She snarls again and Marcus’ faint smile spurs her on, as she steps forward.

“I am Aro Volutri, leader of this coven, you offer us nothing, we gain nothing but another mouth to feed from you, you’ve never even tasted human blood, such a waste of a creature, it would have been better to let you bleed out. Maybe Carlisle would have come back to us with your death. You, offer me nothing.” He hisses in her eat nudging her to the door. Rosalie snarls as she leaves as Aro calls out to her.

“You may come back if you offer us something other than a pretty face, my dear one.”

“I can bring you Carlisle.”

“For good?” Aro questions and Rosalie stumbles over her words.

“Do not offer my lies and fake promises, you won’t like the outcome.”

“It’s not a lie,  Carlisle things of me as his daughter I can-”

“Jane fix her lying.” Rosalie screams shaking as she watches the tiny girl appear from behind the throne.

[vmprwtch]

noah fence but if we r mutuals and u like any of the muses under the cut......u should come write w me on disco

DOCTOR WHO 

CLARA OSWALD - AMY POND GAME OF THRONES CEDRIC STARK (OC) - SANSA STARK - LORAS TYRELL - RENLY BARATHEON - TOMMEN BARATHEON - RICKON STARK 

 HARRY POTTER 

TEDDY LUPIN - ROWENA RAVENCLAW - HELGA HUFFLEPUFF - SALAZAR SLYTHERIN - HERMIONE GRANGER - LUNA LOVEGOOD - CEDRIC DIGGORY - SEAMUS FINNIGAN - DRACO MALFOY - CHARLIE WEASLEY - REMUS LUPIN - ALBUS DUMBLEDORE - QUEENIE GOLDSTEIN 

 MARVEL 

PETER PARKER - PIETRO MAXIMOFF - NEGASONIC TEENAGE WARHEAD - VANESSA CARLYSLE - DOMINO - JEAN GREY - BOBBY DRAKE - LOKI - BALDR (OC) 

 TWILIGHT 

ALEC VOLTURI - LORENZO CUORE (OC) - KATE DENALI - EDWARD CULLEN - MAGGIE - ROSALIE HALE - BENJAMIN - SETH CLEARWATER 

SHADOWHUNTER CHRONICLES 

JACE HERONDALE - ALEC LIGHTWOOD - ISABELLE LIGHTWOOD - CLARY FAIRCHILD - SEBASTIAN MORGENSTERN - TESSA GRAY TEEN WOLF LIAM DUNBAR 

LORIEN LEGACIES 

NUMBER SIX - NUMBER SEVEN - NUMBER FOUR 

DISNEY 

VIOLET PARR - JACK JACK PARR - LUMIERE 

VICTORIA (ITV) 

QUEEN VICTORIA - SOPHIE, DUCHESS OF MONMOUTH - LORD ALFRED PAGET 

ATOMIC BLONDE 

LORRAINE BROUGHTON 

AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER / THE LEGEND OF KORRA 

KATARA - ZUKO - AZULA - BOLIN 

 THE CASTER CHRONICLES 

LENA DUCHANNES - RIDLEY KENT - LARKIN KENT

CHARMED 

PIPER HALLIWELL - PRUE HALLIWELL - PAIGE MATTHEWS - WYATT HALLIWELL

AMERICAN HORROR STORY 

 MADISON MONTGOMERY - KYLE SPENCER - CORDELIA GOODE - FIONA GOODE - THE COUNTESS - DONOVAN - JACK SAMUELS - JEFFREY HARMON 

 NICKELODEON 

 DANNY PHANTOM - BEN TENNYSON

TEEN WOLF 

LIAM DUNBAR - ETHAN - LYDIA MARTIN - JACKSON WHITTEMORE - JENNIFER BLAKE - KALI - COREY - MALIA TATE 

RIVERDALE 

KEVIN KELLER - CHERYL BLOSSOM - VERONICA LODGE - FANGS FOGARTY  

MYTHOLOGY 

ATHENA - ARTEMIS - APOLLO - HADES - HESTIA - PATROCLUS - GANYMEDE - HORUS

[bleakfated-a]

under the cut (since i have so many muses at this point and i want to respect not hogging your dashboards) you can find links to the starter calls for each muse as well as a few misc starter calls!

SUPERNATURAL balthazar inias miles asher (ash) lisa braeden tyson brady mick davies garth fitzgerald iv asa fox donna hanscum ellen harvelle alex mills jody mills cassie robinson bobby singer patience turner rufus turner john winchester sam winchester

LUCIFER amenadiel mazikeen chloe decker linda martin lucifer morningstar

TWILIGHT mele of the volturi zafrina of the amazon billy black embry call seth clearwater rosalie hale paul lahote

ORIGINAL CHARACTERS SPN BASED cameron ambrose teddy bristol madeline cardelle roxie carmichael sidney carmichael teegan carmichael alyssa moore clarissa moore kyle moore charlotte perrin natalia sinclair raisa turner paxton whitmore luca winchester terra winchester

MISC reverse muse roulette memes

[smallseer]

A VERY DESCRIPTIVE PROFILE OF YOUR MUSE.   repost with the information of your muse,  including headcanons,  etc.  if you fail to achieve some of the facts,  add some others of your own !

NAME.    Mary Alice Brandon Whitlock Cullen NICKNAME(S).   Ali, little freak, frightening little monster, alii jaan, ALIAS(ES).   Alice Whitlock AGE.    physically 19, immortal SPECIES.    formerly human and witch ,vampire. GENDER.    female ORIENTATION.   panromantic, pansexual. INTERESTS.    Fashion, sketching, interior design, painting, her husband, animation and dancing PROFESSION.    Artist and professional student BODY TYPE.    petite and thicc EYES.    golden brown, black when thirsty HAIR.    black and curly FACE.    wow beautiful HEIGHT.    4’11 COMPANIONS.    Jasper (husband), Esme and Carlisle Cullen (parental figures), Rosalie Hale, Emmett Cullen and Edward Cullen (siblings), Bella Swan (best friend) ANTAGONISTS.   volturi COLORS.    Yellow, orange, pastels and purple DRINKS.    blood , synthetic blood , hot chocolate ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES?    vodka SMOKES?   nope DRUGS?    Nope DRIVERS LICENSE ?   yeah.  

TAGGED BY : no one took it from @vigraha   

TAGGING: anyone who wants to do the thing

[centerofstupidity]

Fifty Shades of Grey Chapter 2 Snark

If you enjoy the content you are reading, please like and follow the Center of Stupidity blog.

Interested in reading the previous Fifty Shades of Grey chapter snarks? They can be found here.

Next E.L. James Book Snark: Fifty Shades Darker (Fifty Shades of Grey # 2).

Chapter Summary: Christian Grey tracks Ana down at her job. Of course, this isn't depicted as being creepy. And Ana's subconscious talks to her.

The chapter starts with Ana’s heart pounding. And since Ana is a mega klutz, she stumbles out the elevator door.

Then, Ana runs out of the building like her ass was on fire.

It’s raining outside and thank God that she doesn’t complain. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

No man has ever affected me the way Christian Grey has, and I cannot fathom why.

You are Bella Swan and he is Edward Cullen. Get that through your thick skull.

Is it his looks? His civility? Wealth? Power? I don’t understand my irrational reaction.

Attracted to his looks? Hell yes! 

Attracted to his civility? The day that Christian isn’t a douche is the day when demons will be ice-skating in Hell.

And let’s be honest: Both Ana and Bella think that douchebags are sexy. 

Attracted to his wealth? Yes!

Like Bella, Ana is only attracted to a rich guy and non-wealthy guys are annoying and icky. 

Ana being turned on by Christian’s “power” is the equivalent of Bella being turned on by Edward’s creepy behavior. 

Ana needs to lean against a “steel” pillar to stop her from swooning.

I valiantly attempt to calm down and gather my thoughts.

Nothing screams “strong female protagonist” like being a damsel in a Victorian melodrama.

Ana makes a point about how her “heart steadies to its regular rhythm” and how she gets in her car only when she can breathe normally.

Ana is leaving the city limits and she is feeling foolish and embarrassed about the interview.

Surely I’m overreacting to something that’s imaginary.

What does she think is imaginary? Is it the interview or Christian being sexually attracted to her?

Okay, so he’s very attractive, confident, commanding, at ease with himself—but on the flip side, he’s arrogant, and for all his impeccable manners, he’s autocratic and cold.

If a handsome guy is a douchebag, any woman with common sense and self-respect would ignore his good looks and hate his guts because they can’t forget his douchebaggery.

And we all know that Ana does not have any common sense and self-respect.

Well, on the surface.

“Bad romance novels have taught me that a handsome and controlling douchebag becomes a nice guy once he falls in love a shy and beautiful virgin.”

An involuntary shiver runs down my spine.

“I love it when a guy is an asshole!”

And yes, you ARE welcome to that image.

He may be arrogant, but then he has a right to be—he’s accomplished so much at such a young age.

Ana, just because someone is successful, it doesn’t give them the right to be a douchebag.

He doesn’t suffer fools gladly, but why should he?

Oh, Ana… If that were the case, then he wouldn’t be smitten with you.

Again, I’m irritated that Kate didn’t give me a brief biography.

I’ll let this gif speak for itself.

While cruising toward Interstate 5, my mind continues to wander.

Ana, you need to have a brain before it can wander. And besides…

I’m truly perplexed as to what makes someone so driven to succeed.

For someone that is supposed to be the smartest person in the world, Ana is such a blockhead.

People are driven to succeed because they want to better themselves, they want to climb up the social ladder or they have a dream that they want to come true.

Some of his answers were so cryptic—as if he had a hidden agenda.

Or maybe he doesn’t want to divulge his entire life story to a blithering moron.

But since this was once a Twilight fanfic and Ana is Bella Swan, of course, Christian is going to have some secrets.

Since Ana is such a good friend, she proceeds to bitch and moan about Kate and having to do the interview.

She even says “ugh!”

The adoption and asking him if he was gay! I shudder.

Did Ana seriously act as if being adopted and the idea of someone being gay as something repulsive?

Ground, swallow me up now!

Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen.  

Ana whines that “Every time I think of that question in the future, I will cringe with embarrassment.”

Damn Katherine Kavanagh!

Ana checks the speedometer and she is driving more cautiously than normal.

And I pity any person who has to share the road with such a reckless driver.

And I know it’s the memory of those penetrating gray eyes gazing at me and a stern voice telling me to drive carefully.

Fun WTF Fact: In the movie New Moon, Bella hallucinates seeing Edward while in the book Bella hallucinates hearing his voice.

Shaking my head, I realize that Grey’s more like a man twice his age.

It is because, in another story, he is a sparklepire.

Ana tells herself to forget the interview even though “it’s been a very interesting experience.”

Put it behind you. I never have to see him again.

Christian Grey is going to track Ana down and buy kinky kidnapping equipment at her job.

Of course, this is not going to be depicted as creepy.

Instead, the reader is supposed to swooning over Christian’s hotness.

Ana is now happy after convincing herself that she will never see Christian Cullen again.

She turns on the radio and turns the volume up loud. The music is “thumping indie rock”.

But since this is Twilight minus the sparklepires and cuddlewolves, Ana is listening to Muse.

Ana is driving fast and describes where she lives.

Ana talks about how “I pay peanuts for rent” and she has been living in the apartment with Kate for four years.

Ana whines about how Kate wants “a blow-by-blow account” and how her friend is “tenacious”.

I hope I won’t have to elaborate much beyond what was said during the interview.

“Talking to someone that isn’t a Sue sucks!”

Kate’s reputation as a school journalist is riding on the interview… But Ana is making everything all about her.

Fuck you, Ana.

Kate is sitting in “our living area”. E.L. James, in the U.S., we would call it a family room or a living room.

Kate is studying for finals.

She’s still in her pink flannel pajamas decorated with cute little rabbits, the ones she reserves for the aftermath of breaking up with boyfriends, for assorted illnesses, and for general moody depression.

It is painfully obvious that we are supposed to see Kate as a whore. 

Ana makes a pointed comment that Kate only wears cute pajamas when she is “breaking up with boyfriends, for assorted illnesses, and for general moody depression.”

In the Twilight Saga, respectable women look frumpy and they must be forced to wear nice clothes. Only harlots dress nicely.

And in the same shitty series, if a character has premarital sex and is sexually attracted to people, they are a nasty slut that should be branded with a scarlet “s”. 

Fun WTF Fact: Kate was Rosalie Hale in Master of the Universe. 

It explains why Ana hates Kate so much. 

Kate hugs her. She thanks Ana for doing the interview and starts asking questions.

Oh no—here we go, the Katherine Kavanagh Inquisition

Fuck you, Ana. I wish someone would put her on the rack and give it several turns.

So Ana acts like Kate’s questions are so difficult and whines that she doesn’t know what to say. She finally comes up with an answer.

Ana tells Kate that she is glad that the interview is over and that she will never see Christian again.

Somewhere the Volturi said the word bullshit and then faked coughing. Ana also says that he is “really young.”

The fact that Ana kept remaking about Christian being “young” is odd considering the fact that he is only six years older than her.

Ana complains that Kate looked at her “innocently”.

“Don’t you look so innocent. Why didn’t you give me a biography? He made me feel like such an idiot for skimping on basic research.”

So far, Ana has only bitched and moaned about helping her friend and acted like a martyr.

And now she has is giving her friend shit. Isn’t Ana a great friend?

Kate apologizes to Ana even though she hasn’t done anything wrong. Ana huffs at the apology.

“Mostly he was courteous, formal, slightly stuffy—like he’s old before his time. He doesn’t talk like a man of twenty-something.”

“It is because he is a one-hundred-year-old vampire.”

Yes, Christian was formal. But Christian didn’t speak like he was from olden times. It wasn’t as if he said “salutations” or “I will see you anon.”

Ana asks how old Christian is and Kate says that he is twenty-seven. Kate apologizes for not briefing Ana and she will start transcribing the interview.

They start making small talk. Eventually, Ana leaves so she can go to work at a hardware store.

Ana has worked at the store for over four years and she is crap at anything DIY. Ana does her shift and then returns home.

Kate is typing furiously on her laptop. Ana whines that she is “exhausted”.

Ana kvetches that she needs to study for finals. Kate tells Ana that she did a great job and how it is obvious that Christian wanted to spend time with her.

Ana blushes and her heart is aflutter.

That wasn’t the reason, surely.

This sentence is obnoxious because we all know that Christian is Ana’s one tru luv and they are going to spend the rest of their lives having non-sparkly adventures.

He just wanted to show me around so I could see that he was lord of all he surveyed.

Uh, no. Christian wanted to rape her.

In the unreadable Midnight Sun ripoff, Christian has a sudden urge to drag Ana out of her chair, spank her, and then fuck her on the desk with her hands tied behind her back.

Ana is bitting her lip like Kristen Stewart in the Twilight movie. Kate asks if Ana took any notes and Ana says no.

Kate says that’s fine and remarks about how Christian is a “Good-looking son of a bitch”.

Ana tries to say that she is not interested.

“Oh, come on, Ana—even you can’t be immune to his looks.” She arches a perfect eyebrow at me.

I get, E.L. James. You want me to think Kate is a bitch and a nasty slut. 

I’m supposed to interpret “even you can’t be immune to his looks” as Kate being catty. 

What’s worse is that I’m expected to LIKE and feeling sorry for poor wittle Ana for having to deal with the evil blonde.

But the only person who is a bitch is Ana. 

Ana has complained (very loudly I might add) about doing her “friend” a favor and acts like a martyr.

And then to add a cherry on top of the shit sundae, Ana starts making all these catty comments.

So far, every time Kate is either mentioned or appears in the story, E.L. James goes out of her way to paint Kate as a terrible person.

I’m starting to think that maybe Kate is based on someone that E.L. James despises in real life…

Ana is blushing because she thinks Christian is so hawt.  

I distract her with flattery, always a good ploy.

Ana says that Kate would have done a better job. But Kate tells Ana that she did a great job and Christian “practically offered you a job”.

Ana decides that she is done with this conversation and makes a “hasty retreat” to the kitchen. Kate asks Ana what she really thinks of Christian.

Ana whines that Kate is “inquisitive” and “why can’t she just let this go?”

“He’s very driven, controlling, arrogant—scary, but very charismatic. I can understand the fascination,” I add truthfully, hoping this will shut her up once and for all.

You know what… Everytime that Ana acts like a bitch, I’ll let this gif speak for itself…

“You, fascinated by a man? That’s a first,” she snorts.

“He isn’t a man! He is a Gary Stu!”

Ana starts to make a sandwich and asks why Kate wanted to know if Christian was gay.

“Whenever he’s in the society pages, he never has a date.”

Do society pages exist anymore? It seems more likely that Christian would be talked about in a celebrity magazine/celebrity gossip T.V. show or in the tabloids.

Ana complains that the question and the whole interview as “embarrassing”. She claims that she is happy that she will never see Christian again.

Kate says that it couldn’t be that bad as Christian is smitten with her.

Taken with me? Now Kate’s being ridiculous.

For the first time, I actually agree with Ana. She has the personality of roadkill.

They make sandwiches and don’t talk about Christian for the rest of the evening. Kate is working on the article and while Ana is working on an essay about Tess of the d’Urbervilles.

Damn, that woman was in the wrong place at the wrong time in the wrong century.

Is E.L. James seriously saying that Tess of the d’Urbervilles is a story about tru luv and seduction?

Ana finishes her essay at midnight and then goes to bed.

That night I dream of dark places, bleak, cold white floors, and gray eyes.

Let’s marvel at E.L. James’ clever and subtle symbolism.

Nothing special happens for the rest of the week.

Kate is studying for her finals and working on her last edition of the student newspaper.

And Ana is also studying for her finals and working at her job. Ana is glad that she doesn’t have to “endure the sight” of Kate’s pink bunny PJs.

And we have tedious descriptions.

Ana is talking to her mom who lives in Georgia to Georgia to “check on her”. But Ana claims that she called so mom can wish her luck on the final exams.

It turns out that Carla (Ana’s mom) has “the attention span of a goldfish” and has a husband who is “keeping an eye on her.”

Translation: she’s Renée Dwyer (Bella’s mom)

Ana’s mom asks how is she doing and Ana says she is fine.  

“Ana? Have you met someone?” Wow … how does she do that?

Because she is Renée Dwyer and you are Bella Swan.  

Carla is excited at the idea of Ana having a boyfriend. Ana tells her mom that she doesn’t have a boyfriend.

Ana quickly changes the subject and says "distraction is the best policy.”

Later on, Ana talks to her stepdad and “Mom’s Husband Number Two”.

Ana says that she considers him to be her father and she has his surname. So Ana’s stepdad Ray is not a “talker”, watches sports on TV, and goes “fly-fishing”. That doesn’t sound familiar…

Ray is a skilled carpenter and the reason I know the difference between a hawk and a handsaw.

Leave Shakespeare out of this, E.L. James. He is a talented playwright and has influenced the English language.

Your only claim to fame is writing a Twilight fanfic, changing a few things, and making a shit load of money when it was published.

In case anyone is wondering, the words “a hawk from a handsaw” comes from Hamlet.

“I am but mad north-north-west: when the wind is southerly I Know a hawk from a handsaw” (Hamlet, Act II, scene ii).

On Friday night, Ana and Kate want to have some fun. Jacob Black José Rodriguez shows up and is holding a bottle of champagne.

José is the first person Ana met at college and they have “been friends ever since."

Not only do we share a sense of humor,

Like Bella, Ana thinks she has Wildean wit.

So Ray and José Senior are best friends and "were in the same army unit together."

José is majoring in engineering but he has a passion for photography. Ana, Kate, and José start talking.

José reveals that the Portland Place Gallery is going to exhibit his photos next month.

“That’s amazing—congratulations!” Delighted for him, I hug him again.

They decide to celebrate.  José wants Ana and Kate to go to the opening.

José and I are good friends, but I know deep down inside he’d like to be more.

"I’m like the prettiest girl in the world! All men adore me!”

He’s cute and funny, but he’s just not for me.

“I only like guys who are douchebags and treat me like crap!”

Ana says that José is “like the brother I never had.” I seriously hope that Ana doesn’t string him along.

It was bad enough when Bella was stringing guys along…

Katherine often teases me that I’m missing the need-a-boyfriend gene, but the truth is I just haven’t met anyone who … well, whom I’m attracted to, even though part of me longs for the fabled trembling knees, heart-in-my-mouth, butterflies-in-my-belly moments.

“I want Prince Charming to ride on a white horse and sweep me off my feet!”

Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me.

Ana, there is something VERY wrong with you.

Perhaps I’ve spent too long in the company of my literary romantic heroes, and consequently, my ideals and expectations are far too high.

Ana having unrealistic expectations about relationships? Shocking!

Ana meets a handsome and rich guy. The guy is a total douche.

But she felt an instant electric connection, so that means it is tru luv! 

Yet she rejects a handsome and funny guy who treats her nicely. 

But in reality, nobody’s ever made me feel like that.

Oh shit! Ana’s subconscious is whispering to Ana.

Ana thinks about Christian and the interview. She is quick to “banish” the thought and does not want to be “going there."

Ana "wince[s] at the memory” of asking if Christian is gay.

I know I’ve dreamed about him most nights since then, but that’s just to purge the awful experience from my system, surely.

Nope. You want Christian to bang you like a screen door in a hurricane.

Ana watches José open the champagne bottle.

He’s tall, and in his jeans and T-shirt, he’s all shoulders and muscles, tanned skin, dark hair, and burning dark eyes. Yes, José’s pretty hot, but I think he’s finally getting the message: we’re just friends.

For “just friends”, Ana just talked about how hot José is. 

Does anyone seriously believe that José only sees Ana as a friend?

And I really hate it when a character’s physical description reads like a grocery list. 

I like subtle character description that is sprinkled throughout the entire story.

Ana remarks how the cork made a “loud pop” and José smiled at her.  It is now Saturday and Ana is working at her job.

She whines that it is a “nightmare” and the store “besieged by do-it-yourselfers."

Ana is checking the catalog numbers with the items that the store needs and has ordered. Then Christian shows up.

Ana swoons at the "bold gray gaze” of Christian Grey who is staring at her.

Heart failure.

Ana is dead!

* Looks through the rest of chapter two. *

Dammit! Ana is still alive!

Christian refers to Ana as “Miss Steele” and how meeting her is “a pleasant surprise."

Ana thinks to herself "holy crap.”

What the hell is he doing here, looking all outdoorsy with his tousled hair and in his cream chunky-knit sweater, jeans, and walking boots?

If a guy who I only met once showed up at my job and proceeded to make small talk, I wouldn’t be admiring his clothing and swooning over his “tousled hair.”

After he left the building, I would call the cops and file a restraining order. Because this guy has “stalker” written all over him.

I think my mouth has popped open, and I can’t locate my brain or my voice.

Ana, you don’t have a brain. There is no point in trying to look for something that doesn’t exist.

And your voice? It is located near to your icy black heart, you bitch.

Ana whispers his name and Christian smirks “as if he’s enjoying some private joke.”

Christian claims that he was in the area but he is so full of shit.

His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel … or something.

Just wow… Clearly, this is the best metaphor ever written in the history of the English language.

I shake my head to gather my wits.

Ana, you need to have wits before you can gather them.

Her heart is pounding “at a frantic tempo” and she is blushing.

My memories of him did not do him justice. He’s not merely good-looking—he’s the epitome of male beauty, breathtaking, and he’s here.

It was really annoying when S. Meyer kept describing Edward as being a sparkling and perfect Adonis…

Now it is obnoxious that E.L. James keeps blithering on about Christian being a studmuffin and how he is God’s gift to womankind.

Ana can’t believe that the sexiest man in the universe is at her job. Her “cognitive functions are restored” and it is “reconnected with the rest of my body.”

Ana says that her name is Ana and asks how she can help him. Christian finds this to be amusing and tells her that he needs some things.

He wants some cable ties and Ana offers to show him where they are located. Of course, she is all hot and bothered.

Ana talks about how Christian frowning “mars” his “lovely” eyebrow. Ana is so smitten with Christian that she tries not to fall over her own feet.

Ana muses (for what it seems like the billionth time) that Christian is handsome. She notices that he has long fingers and he has a “beautifully” manicured hand.

Ana wonders why Christian is in Portland and why is he at the store.

And from a very tiny, underused part of my brain—probably located at the base of my medulla oblongata near where my subconscious dwells—comes the thought: He’s here to see you.

Ana dismisses the idea as “preposterous” because “why would this beautiful, powerful, urbane man want to see me?"

Ana asks if Christian is in Portland on business and he says he is "visiting the WSU farming division.”

See? Not here to find you at all, my subconscious sneers at me, loud, proud, and pouty.

Ana hearing a voice inside her head?

Christian selects a pair of cable ties and Ana wonders what he is going to do with them. Christian also wants some masking tape.

She asks if he is redecorating. He says no and then smirks. Ana is convinced that he is “laughing at me.”

Am I that funny? Funny looking?

Shut up, you stupid cow. Stop trying to get pity points.

Ana walks Christian to the decorating aisle where the masking tape is located. Christian asks her how long she has worked at the store.

She blushes “brightly.”

Why the hell does he have this effect on me?

You are Bella Swan and he is Edward Cullen. Get a clue.

And he is your designated one tru luv. 

I feel like I’m fourteen years old—gauche, as always, and out of place.

You are STILL gauche.

Stop trying to make everyone feel sorry for you.

She says that she has worked at the store for four years.

She is so flustered that she has to distract herself by selecting two masking tapes with different widths.

He chooses the one with the wider width.

Our fingers brush very briefly, and the current is there again, zapping through me like I’ve touched an exposed wire.

It was bad enough when Ana and Christian felt an instant electric spark in chapter 1 and how it must be a sign of tru luv.

But they are feeling it again for the SECOND time?

I gasp involuntarily as I feel it all the way down to somewhere dark and unexplored, deep in my belly.

For a book that was supposed to be the hottest and the most scandalous erotic novel since The Lustful Turk was published…

It uses the unerotic description of “all the way down to somewhere dark and unexplored.”

Ana tries to find her “equilibrium.” Ana asks if Christian wants anything else and she is horny.

Christian wants some rope. Ana blushes for the thousandth time. She asks what type of rope Christian wants and his eyes are “darkening.”

Ana avoids looking at Christian and cuts the five yards of rope.

And since Ana is a mega klutz like Bella, she remarks that “By some miracle, I manage not to remove a finger with my knife.”

Christian asks if she was ever a Girl Scout. Ana swoons over his “sculptured, sensual lips.”

Ana replies that group activities are not her thing to which he asks her “What is your thing, Anastasia?”

Try to be cool, Ana, my tortured subconscious begs on bended knee.

Ana whispers “Books.”

But inside, my subconscious is screaming: You! You are my thing!

Ana dismisses the idea because there is no way he would want a girl like her.

Christian asks her “what kind of books?"  

Like Bella, she gets prickly when Edward Christian asks her questions. Ana likes the classics and British literature.

This isn’t surprising since she is a Bella Swan knock-off.

Ana asks if Christian needs anything else. She remarks how Christian’s fingers on his face are "beguiling”.

He asks her “What else would you recommend?”

Ana blushes and her gaze "strays to his snug jeans.” She replies “coveralls” and Christian is amused.

Ana says that he wouldn’t want to ruin his clothes.

“I could always take them off.” He smirks.

If he takes his pants off, he will be naked. Somebody fetch Ana some smelling salts and a fainting couch!

Ana says that she must be “the color of The Communist Manifesto."

I try to dismiss the unwelcome image of him without jeans.

Everyone knows that Ana wants to ride his disco stick.

She asks if Christian needs anything else and he ignores the question. Instead, he asks how the article is coming along.

Ana is glad that he asked her "an easy question.”

I grasp it tightly with two hands as if it were a life raft, and I go for honesty.

She replies that Kate is the editor and writer of the newspaper.

Ana also says that Kate was “devastated” that she couldn’t do the interview and doesn’t have any original photographs of him.

He asks what type of photographs does Kate want. At first, Ana doesn’t know but then asks him if he would be willing to do a photo shoot.

Christian agrees and gives her his cell phone number. He is then quick to say that she “needs to call before ten.”

Ana thinks to herself that Kate is going to be “thrilled.” But let’s be honest, Ana is happier than a pig in shit.

Paul, Ana’s friend shows up. Paul and Ana make small talk. Paul drapes an arm over Ana’s shoulder.

Ana notices that Christian is “watching us like a hawk.”

Christian is pissed. Ana introduces Paul to Christian. Once Paul finds out that Christian is the Christian Grey, he is starstruck.

Grey gives a polite smile but he is still miffed. Paul says goodbye and goes into the stockroom.

Ana asks if Christian wants anything else and he says no. Christian is still pissed off. Ana wonders what she did to upset him.

I ring up the rope, coveralls, masking tape, and cable ties.

Ana is supposed to be so smart but warning bells are not going off in her head.

A guy that she only met once shows up at her job and then he buys a kidnapping kit.

But Ana can’t stop thinking about how Christian is so sexy. Ana’s heart is all aflutter when he says her name.

She talks about how “his tongue caresses my name.” Christian says to call him if she wants him to do the photo shoot.

Christian says goodbye and says that he is glad that Kate couldn’t do the interview.

After Christian leaves, Ana says that his hotness has made her “a quivering mass of raging female hormones.”

And Ana finally (although reluctantly) admits that she finds Christian to be “attractive, very attractive."

She has only spent the first two chapters describing how handsome he is. Even his eyebrows are sexy.

But it’s a lost cause, I know, and I sigh with bittersweet regret. It was just a coincidence, his coming here.

In Chapter 1, Ana says that Christian Grey is a very busy man and that his time is precious.

But Christian took time out of his day to drive three hours out of the way to see her.

Ana plans to admire Christian from afar. The chapter ends with Ana calling Kate so they can organize the photo shoot.