#/nf means not not forcing btw

[midiosaamor]

does erm one of my moots that i talk to a lot wanr to make a pinterest board together like one of these 🙏 /nf

( @urbanflorals @sophiesonlinediary @nqds @reminiscentreader)

[asiandra-dash]

Hi i saw u wanna rewrite akikasa hcs PLEASE WRITE ME SOME I BEG /nf /lh

HJKJSKDKHS AKIKASA anyways I was referring to a short story I wrote a while ago but THIS!!! IS (I think) MY FIRST AKIKASA RELATED ASK!!!! I MUST WRITE!!!!!! All I have to do is figure out which thoughts are based on canon and which ones are AUs-

I took 18 days to finally post this because I kept getting ideas and had to force myself to stop because this is way too long 888 words man this ain't fanfiction also if this is illegible I'm sorry none of my headcanon posts will ever be organized no beta or read more we die like my grades after my orchestra field trip

Starting with basic shit Akito is SO so in denial about his feelings and when he's finally fed up with it he chucks it down to infatuation (It is not)

And Tsukasa is an oblivious idiot to everything even though he has a stupid crush on this ginger he just refuses to say anything because he still thinks Akito despises his guts

My guy every little bit of physical contact you make with carrot head makes him look like color hex #ff0000 RGB 255, 0, 0 how do you not notice this

Tsukasa fell first, and they both fell harder >:)

You know Tsukasa'a 1* card where Akito saved the poor man from a spider or something that's when it happened Tsukasa didn't know at first cause like haha who the hell falls in love with someone over something so small I barely even know the guy

If Akito confessed first, after a long moment of awkward silence and Akito wishing the floor would eat him alive, Tsukasa is suddenly hugging him and crying (That's a yes btw)

If Tsukasa confessed first, it would take a bit (probably a few days or weeks) but eventually Akito with the support of everyone finally accepts his feelings for Tsukasa (He didn't tell anyone about the confession btw it was probably Akiyama or one of Tsukasa's friends that told everyone also the threat of Rui was probably another reason he couldn't deny lmao)

Every date, and I mean EVERY SINGLE DATE, Tsukasa will always bring or buy some cheesecakes or pancakes for Akito

And if he doesn't the next time he brings lunch for Akito he'll bring him more cheesecake than he usually does to make up for it

When Tsukasa found out Akito's favorite flowers were sunflowers, he sometimes brings one for him too :D

Tsukasa probably got a pair of sunflower clip-on earrings too (Or whatever they're called)

Tsukasa loves to tackle hug Akito and it never fails to make the ginger laugh <3

Tsukasa borrows Akito's jackets a lot (At least twice a week).

Akito complains about it but let's be honest he loves it when he gets it back and all he smells on it is Tsukasa's scent

Tsukasa loves giving gifts to Akito even if there's no special occasion, usually some type of jewelry like earrings and the next day Akito's most likely wearing it

Obviously, they invite each other to their shows, and sometimes their other bandmates too

During WxS shows Akito's supportive and is internally loud but during VBS concerts Tsukasa is HOLLERING Akito's name and singing along if he knows the lyrics it's embarrassing but if you look closely enough you can tell it hypes up Akito a little more and he tries even harder (An has taken note of this and teases him nonstop about it)

Neither of them are a huge fan of PDA but if you stare long enough you'll probably miss a sneaky little kiss when you blink

That or if Tsukasa's in a really good mood he'll practically cling to Akito (Which is like 50% of the time tbh)

That one post I made on my side blog is real and so is the first tag

Yes Ena and Saki are supportive but holy shit Akito wants to fucking strangle Ena whenever she brings it up (This applies to An too)

Tsukasa helps Akito be more open with his feelings and Akito helps Tsukasa deal with negativity better

Around people, Akito still treats Tsukasa how he would (if Tsukasa isn't being clingy) but once they're alone Akito acts like he's touch starved and refuses to leave Tsukasa alone

Akito sometimes helps Tsukasa with practicing for his shows. He's obviously not as good but he's trying and Tsukasa appreciates his efforts

Tell Akito to say wonderhoy and he'll look at you like you're fucking insane but have Tsukasa tell him and he'll say it as unenthusiastically as he can manage

And then Tsukasa will look at him all :((( and Akito does it with more energy and "jesus fucking christ the things I do to make Tsukasa happy" (It's just a wonderhoy idk why you're so pissed /hj)

I do not understand Japanese and I am not caught up on that one event story with furry Akito so correct me if I'm wrong (about the italicized part) but before Akito gets over his fear of dogs Tsukasa always made sure they would steer clear of them and if one suddenly appeared this blond pink theatre kid is going to protect his pathetic fucking boyfriend with his life

Rui: Is that a hickey? | Tsukasa: No! It’s just a mosquito bite. | Akito, walking into the room: Hey, guys. | Rui: Hi, mosquito.

Whenever one of them stays up really late when staying over. the other tries to convince them to go to bed and cuddle/snuggle with them and it works.

Tsukasa practically begs meanwhile, if possible, Akito hugs Tsukasa from behind and basically just collapses onto him half asleep mumbling into his ear (Can you tell I'm tired it's 1 AM and I got 3 hours of sleep yesterday I'm running off of a power nap rn)

Obviously, Tsukasa can't do anything with Akito like that so he basically carries Akito to the room of whoever they're staying at

Akikasa supremacy WHO'S WITH ME AKIKASA!!!!!!! (I'm dying on a hill please)

Divider / Reply Icon made by me! ( 1 | 2 )

[rottenkadaver]

....wow

YOU. kin assign me a drdt character /nf

Rose Lacroix and Nico Hakobyan

[franollie]

Random but i've noticed a lack of anti J*ysteph posts when i looked for them and iydm i want your opinions on why you hate it too /nf

of course! a lot of my issues with it come from it being almost entirely comes from fanon and a lot of inaccuracies in terms of characterization especially on steph’s behalf.

my biggest gripe is that it just doesn’t make sense? the characters that steph is closest to are tim and cass. both of whom would HATE jason so why on earth would steph like him? especially considering jason would have attacked tim at titans tower. like im sorry but steph would hold a grudge against that man for forever

also, every one likes to bring up the so called “parallels” that steph and jason would bond over so lets break them down:

1. They can bond because they both died

This argument pisses me off the most because while jason’s death was memorialized and haunting steph’s was an attempt to get rid of her. and then you also have to address the fact that steph’s death got retconned so…no they can’t bond over dying…because technically steph never died. that being said, she was believed to be dead. so she would be exposed to the difference between how bruce treated her “death” vs how he treated jasons and just from that i think she’d dislike jason

2. they’re both “angry” robins

look im too tired to get into the problem with simplifying a character to one trait or facet of their personality so can we just agree that this one is bullshit? yeah? perfect!

3. grew up in similar homes

nope! jason (from what i’ve read) actually did grow up poor! his father was forced to get involved in crime to provide for his family. we know his home life was rough.

steph didn’t really grow up poor. she by no means grew up rich or even middle class but she lived in the suburbs. she lived semi-comfortably. her father became cluemaster for selfish and bitter reasons, and at the time of steph becoming spoiler, crystal would have been a drug addict (this is not a safe space for crystal brown slander btw). so yeah her childhood home was by no means a happy place either but it is significantly different from jason’s

all in all it just pisses me off when people change aspects of steph’s character and story just so that they can make up things for her to bond with their favorite batboy over, and i hate when people take parts of steph’s story and give them to jason instead of just interacting with steph even more.

[pet-cemetery-emotes]

oh btw!! please don't use tone tags with me. especially not /nf! I have to google it frequently, and implying that you could force me to do anything is weird lol

i'll update my pinned post to reflect this guideline asap ^_^ but also you. probably wouldn't be sending me /nf and "no pressure" if you read it so. idk. I'm trying to figure out a good way to get messages across!

anyways I promise to give all asks the benefit of the doubt, and that you mean well! :3

[the-daddy-here]

since everyone’s doing it im doing it too fuck you

RIDE THE CYCLONE SWING AU. (swap au diff ride.)

you know one of these things? yeah.

(also i am in the midst of drawing these designs but if someone would draw the skrunkys i would love you endlessly)

—————————————

ocean oconnell rosenberg - the rudest girl in town (swapped with mischa)

- ocean is the stereotypical high school mean girl, think regina george. she’s honestly the bitchy-est person ever and would CONSTANTLY make fun of noel but keep him around as her “gay best friend”. she’s fake nice to the point of you wanting to throw up. HATES constance as she’s her “competition”.

noel gruber - the unluckiest boy in town (swapped with constance)

- in this au noels upbringing was very carrie-esc. his mother wasn’t supportive of him being gay and made him pray literally 10 times daily (this kid is like twelve). his dad left when he was around 7 and nearly threatened to send him to conversion therapy and was extremely abusive, so really fun. therefore he never really came out except to ocean, and as a result much much more quiet and reserved then canon noel. he also is MUCH more emotional and instead of angry outbursts he just cries (noel developed DID when he was very young, he made monique as escapism from his mom and she became an introject. he was an unknowing system until he died and found out WHICH WE WILL GET INTO LATER.) the whole “i lost my virginity to a carnie in a” thing is basically “i sold my body for the last year so my mom and i wouldn’t get evicted.”

mischa bachinski - the strangest boy in town (swapped with ricky)

- mischa received MUCH better treatment from his adoptive parents as he came to uranium younger (around 10 or so,) his mother died only a few years after he moved and he was destroyed. so, he forced himself to do well in school and therefore became obsessed with his grades to the point where it was UNHEALTHY. he doesn’t really have a lot of friends and a lot of people in town disregard him for being weird and offkey. noel does admire him a lot though.

ricky potts/john doe - the one unidentified body of the swing amusement park accident (swapped with jane obviously)

- his “head” is an empty astronaut helmet, he uses little jet pack things on his shoes to move around. :) ricky is pretty much nonverbal and given he has.. no face.. he resorts to a thumbs up or down to communicate. ricky doesn’t remember anything of his life, only his love for the stars.

penny lamb - the most obsessed girl in town (swapped with noel)

- this is basically legoland penny but she is 10x more batshit insane. she has an OBSESSION with johnny moon (thanks tammy) and will not shut up. she is a major fucking drama queen who is kind of really sad on the inside? she wants to be a singer and marry him btw

constance blackwood - the smartest girl in town

(swapped with ocean)

- swing au constance is much more confident in herself then canon constance. she is naturally smart, but not a total bitch like ocean was, she’s actually really fucking sweet and people don’t give her shit for it. noel and her are friends and she is the MOST SUPPORTIVE GIRLFRIEND OUT THERE, she constantly tries to get him to end his “friendship” with ocean even though he’s a little delulu. constance is the student council president and wow actually helps the student body? and a great fucking person overall.

monique gibeau - shes just there (I KNOW YOU CAN’T ONLY HAVE ONE OTHER ALTER IN A SYSTEM, LETS JUST SAY WHEN NOEL DIED SHE WAS JUST THE ONE TO BECOME HER OWN IN THE AFTERLIFE?)

- would sell her soul for noel. this kid is her baby brother and would do ANYTHING for him, even killing. she absolutely hated noels mother and father (when he was around) and would front sometimes ONLY to get noel to his room when they were fighting (poor bby would shut down). when they all died she was just kinda there yk, occasionally going full mama bear on ocean yk how it is.

(uniforms for anyone that wants to draw them /nf)

**noels blue thing is a cardigan, penny has a bow tie, mischa has round glasses and that’s a hoodie around his waist lol

[poeisatransfemmelesbian]

Are you making a Dazai plushie to recreate the unhinged Kunikidarling fantasy?

If not, then I’m making one cause I need it to happen?

I’m referencing this post you made btw

Currently making a little Lovecraft guy as a gift but Dazai is next. I need to make him suffer. I just do ʕ⁠ ⁠��⁠ᴥ⁠ꈍ⁠ʔ

(Also Lovecraft came first because I love doing hair and they have cool hair)

You should absolutely make one too and join in the fun though /nf

I know it was/is already a trend to make the plushies suffer by means of blunt force trauma and freezing, but I feel like we as a community need to follow in Kunikida's footsteps and get more creative

[thebest-medicine]

how many summer sentence starters do you have left?

Hi! Thanks for asking! I ran out of finished ones in my queue here (gearing up for a new year at my job so I’ve been busy) so I’ll have to finish off the rest of these some time soon! Looks like I have 26 left!

Here’s the prompts I have still (feel free to send more):

Hi! I was wondering if you might do 86 for a lee!scanlan pretty please? I don't mind about the ler! Pike or Vax might be good but just do whatever you feel! Thank you I love him your honour

“Crap. Wait. I didn’t mean that.”

Make 24. With Lee! Deku and Ler! Kirishima?

“Sounds like someone needs a visit from the tickle monster.”

hiii! how about 59 for bakugous revenge on kiri >:3

“Why so nervous?”

67 for bakugou and sero???

“Well now, that seems like wishful thinking.”

Could I mabye get 40 with lee!bakugo and ler!kirishima? Mabye bakugo saying he doesn't like his laugh and stuff, I think it'd be cute :3 (love your acc and ur fics btw, you're doing amazing <3)

“I’ve never heard you laugh like that before, it’s nice.”

“You think you’re real tough, huh?” - for lee Clark Kent and Ler Lois or Jimmy mayhaps? 🙏

“You think you’re real tough, huh?”

Could I get 43 with lee!bakugo and ler!kirishima? I think it would be so cute 😭❤️ /nf x

“Lighten up, have a laugh!”

63, lers korra and Asami, lee!mako?

“Too bad there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Number 23 with lee Todoroki and ler Midoriya 😍☺️😍 ?

“Wait a minute, you’re not ticklish, are you?”

“You wouldn’t take advantage (of that knowledge) when I’m stuck like this, right? …Right?!” Lee! Eda Ler!Raine?

“You wouldn’t take advantage of that while I’m stuck like this..right? Right?!”

42, ler!Miss Martian, Lee!robin?

“No way, are you crying / begging?”

96, ler!korra, lee!mako?

“What are you so scared of? It’s just a brush!”

64, ler!beast boy, lee!robin pleaseeee

“Relax, I’m not gonna kill ya. But I am gonna make you wish you were dead.”

I love the idea of Lars being super ticklish and the Offcolors never knowing about tickling before they meet him and now he’s forced to explain it because they accidentally tickle him. 💖 I’d love “Why are you so nervous all of the sudden?” with lee Lars and maybe ler or lers Padparadscha and The Rutile Twins. Of course take all the time you need and again congrats! 💖

“Why are you so nervous all of the sudden?”

36 with lee shego and ler kim please, the “little birdie” could be one of her brothers

“A little birdie told me someone has ticklish feet.”

idk if you’ve seen the mcu What if? Show. Doesn’t matter. But #18 for the thunder siblings (What if? Or Movie incarnations), Loki, Thor and Helga, in whichever ler and Lee positions you want.

“I swear on my life, I will kill you.”

could you do 24 “Sounds like someone needs a visit from the tickle monster.” with lee!dipper with ler!stan. maybe have it be set after the zombies attacked the shack and dipper is upset about it and stan is trying to cheer him up?

“Sounds like somebody needs a visit from the ol’ tickle monster!”

Pretty pretty please could we get 8 with Laios, Chilchuk & Marcille? (I’d LOVE it if it backfired for Laios)

“I’ll have you know, I was the reigning tickle fight champion in my house growing up.”

can u do a KP drabble of #8 with ler!Shego and lee!DrD? Thx sooo much (:

“I’ll have you know, I was the reigning tickle fight champion in my house growing up.”

#84 You’d better give up now or this is about to get a lot worse for ler!Sango and Lee!Miroku from Inuyasha please, if you have time?

“You’d better give up now, or this is about to get a lot worse!”

#27 for TOH blight sibs tickle fight if you’re not too overwhelmed with prompts.

“I hope you know this means war.”

yay! I’m so glad you’re doing drabbles. I’ve always lurked but now the sentence starters are here I hope you don’t mind if I send more than a few asks. If it’s too much, just delete. Anyway, love your writing. #103- Let’s make it interesting” for the whole S1 YJ team particularly Robin, and Zatanna. Thanks again! Can’t wait for more of your works.

“Let’s make it interesting.”

Ooo I haven't heard of Danny Phantom in YEARS maybe for the sentence starter could we get 11. “Why are you so nervous all of the sudden?” with lee!Danny and ler!Valerie?

"Why are you so nervous all of the sudden?"

I saw you qrite for Danny Phantom and I was like :o so for the sentence starters number 19 "Wait, are you stuck?" with lee!Danny? I imagine he got stuck a lot while figuring out his intagibility.

“Wait…are you stuck?”

ahhh awesome!! how abt 61 with lee!shauna ler!jackie ?? tysm!!!

“You’d better keep quiet!”

[mothofprophecy]

this is a Puffle, the pets from club penguin (older design as they've changed alot + idk which one anon was talking about specifically):

and /nf gets used alot to mean "not forced" as well btw :)

Ohhhhhhh. Ty for the clarification!!

[cuntnikida]

"is homosexuality illegal in bulgaria?" and right below it is "when was voice acting invented" and "nf tone tag meaning" like damn tone change ig.

btw the answers to those questions are no, but same sex couples don't have the same legal protections as straight ones, 1906 (over a year wow!) and not forced.

anyways tagging @trainsgenderfoxgirl2816 @bondnamesthejames @emo-oreo @a-literal-frog and @wonkyclownboy

last google search, go

um. Tag four people.

what do they make sewer tunnels out of

@ncc1701ohno @affixjoy @the-magpieprince @twinkboimler

[pupgzut]

btw anons please come back nd send ask want attention nd talk <33

[pupgzut]

okii actually going to sleep <33 send me ask thingy so i can respond to them in the morning or zfter my classes o((>ω< ))o /nf

anyways good nigh guyz <33

[borisbubbles]

20. SAN MARINO

Senhit - “Freaky!”

Before we start, SORRY for not updating sooner. PED hit me sooner *and* harder than I anticipated and one of my tooth fillings dropped, so I’m currently on painkillers. Also the EBU’s online ‘replacement show’ for the first semifinal... :shudders: 

However, allow me to bring some happiness into my life (and by proxy, yours), by discussing the one, the only, the true 2020 Queen of EuroTRASH....

...

...

... Samanta Tina, in a few updates. 🤭

Until then, let’s dish on Senhit.

Entry Analysis. 

Hang on. Senhit you say? THIS SENHIT?

Yes, I am FOREMOST cuckoo-completely for the fact that SRMTV dug up this haggard frump from her crypt and forced her to do Eurovision simply because they had no other options <3 (and also because they had an Azerbaijani hand-me-down more on that in NF Corner). I always liked Senile Drunk Auntie Senit more than probably should (yes, “Stand by” is boring but 2011 is a dungheap, LET ME HAVE MY RANDOM FAVES OKAY)

Second of all, the accompanying transformation of Senit into SenHIT. We went from this:

to this?

LIFE IS GOOD WHEN YOU’RE IN A FREAKING(!) MIDLIFE CRISIS. 

Holy shit, what a transformation into... idek what to describe FREAKY!’s video clip as? A neo-neon-nightmare, featuring aggressively sexual grinding by Senhit, inflicted upon half-naked men in a setting that borrow heavily from Hatari’s BDSM couture? It’s fucking BONKERS. 

 May I also remind you that Senhit is EVEN OLDER THAN *BICENTANNIAL WOMAN TAMTARATAM* and despite this she manages to sell her sexual aggression as a something *FUNNY* without making herself look like a desperate tart? HER POWER. 😍

I also have to mention the fucking MARKETING campaign that accompanied this mad, menopausal circus of bad taste. You diehards probably noticed the San Marino 2021 mugs (those HIDEOUS teal/pink/sand coloured mugs <3) like I did and like me probably thought it was an elaborate hoax? Turn out... it somehow *wasn’t* a hoax and you could order them on Senhit’s personal website??? WHAT??? Btw, forget about the mugs, how about PERSONALIZED CONDOMS?

SOLD OUT lmfao <3 Bet most Senhit fans never actually used a condom before <3

All of this hogwash for a song that can best be described as an irrideemable pile of disco dreck. 😍  God I was SO on board with UNIRONICALLY stanning San Marino for once. #YesWeSen. 

and... then Eurovision 2020 was taken away from me, you and Senhit, and my appreciation towards her quickly dried up before it could settle as unironic stanning.😬 Sigh. BUT WORRY NOT QUEEN’S GOT YOU COVERED.

<3

NF Corner

Oh my fucking god, yes, the codswallop that was “Digital Battle Eurovision”. So, after months of silence (other than Senhit nasically spoiling her participation on social media, which no one really took seriously because come on, it’s Senhit) San Marino held something that was supposed to pass as a “national final” and it’s the shoddiest thing I’ve ever seen in the 8 years I’ve been following the preshow <3 

Okay so... This is where Azerbaijan come in. You may not know this yet, but “Cleopatra” by Efendi was, at some point during development, given to San Marino. I’m not sure about the exact details, but from what I heard and assumed, Azer’s broadcaster Ichtimai decided they didn’t need “Cleopatra”, so they gave the demo to San Marino, who then recruited Senhit to sing it in. Sounds like fan fiction and fortunately for us the recordings have made they way to the yubtubs so I can prove you it is gospel. Observe:

Senhit - “Cleopatra”

YES QUEEN OF THE GAYS <3 (lol I should keep my opinions on Efendi’s Cleopatra hidden for now, but spoilers I am going to fucking RIP that crock of shit to shreds once I get there).

So anyway, at *SOME* point after giving “Cleopatra” to the San Marinese, Ichtimai must’ve decided that “nope, Cleopatra will be OUR entry, thx” and punted Senhit out of her glorious pseudo-historical trash anthem (more on that too when I rank Azerbaijan), a WEEK before the deadline, (😂🤣) which of course meant that San Marino had to *improvize*. 😅

Enter: a ramshackle SING-OFF between two songs, deadline ON THE MORNING OF THE DELEGATION MEETING. 🤣. Your choices:

SONG #1 A trashy disco song that never would have stood a prayer at Eurovision and would’ve been a disaster in every universe, especially *and* including our own, but was complete lip service towards any vocal Stan Marino.

SONG #2 The English translation of a competent, but somewhat tepid electropop song that Senhit had released in Italian in September, mere days after the 2020 season had started. Good, but nothing too exciting. 

Senhit - Obsessed

And honestly, it seemed clear that FREAKY! would win from second one? It seemed like the clear follow-up to Serhat (sorta?), a perfect fan service song to keep the balding gays busy so they don’t pick up their phones and vote for boring shit such as Gjon’s Tears. However, when FREAKY! won it was revealed it had only won by a TINY margin over Obsessed anyway. What the FUCK was this year honestly and why does NONE of it make sense. 

San Marino 2020 & San Marino 2021

I mean... yes, the second semifinal was compiled of a series of oozing trashheaps and boring smug, and yes, both demographs would provide qualifiers and no, Senhit *never* would’ve been one of them, being stuck in the first half. 

It would seem as if “FREAKY!” was a worthy successor to “Say na na na”, but I don’t think that comparison really works. The only things those two songs have in common is their camp and their singer’s inability to sing (lol have I ever said a positive thing about Serhat, ever, in print? I should counteract that by saying something kind: Serhat is very good at... um... being a dentist. 🙂)

However, “Say na na na” also had a universally positive message, even if it adhered the tried-and-true “BELIEVE IN YOURSELF IF YOU DO THIS BANALE THING” cliché.” FREAKY!” literally is a hodgepodge of acid trippy menopausal nonsense, which I personal find more endearing, but Europe would swiftly whisk towards the rubbish bin for being bad and female. C’est la vie. 

Nada on 2021 yet and given how desperate and scarce with information San Marino are, I expect no news until the literal last minute. I personally wouldn’t be too surprised if they withdrew, but eh, I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. As long as we have Samanta Demon to cover our trip-hop-trash needs, I couldn’t rly care less about San Marino. 

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I mean, even if you had *any* doubts how well Senhit would score in the category I named after her, let me recap

- San Marino recruited a random-ass-returnee nobody really asked for. - They initially gave her an Azeri hand-me-down trashpop song about a Macedonian-Greek pharaoh - Azerbaijan then took BACK said hand-me-down trashpop song and made it their entry - Which forced San Marino to flimsily put together a last-minute digital NF where you could decide which of these two HOPELESS songs would facilitate their NQ - The deadline of which was set *ON THE MORNING OF THE DELEGATION MEETING IN ROTTERDAM* (aka the literal submissions deadline) - The obvious winner *almost* lost the vote everyone expected them to win (again!) - and of course: the video clip, the website, the emails, the slogans, the CONDOMS. This is honestly what FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTORS! are made for. Happily take away the first (but not last) perfect score, queen. 

Score: 5 Senhits out of 5. 

[borisbubbles]

ESC 2019: Preshow: #38

38. CROATIA Roko - “The Dream” SemiFinal 2, second half

Roko is seventeen years old. 

I can sort of see it I guess? Roko has a weird thing going on with his face where he can simultaneously look like both a teenager and a 30 year old man. You have to give props where it’s due though: doubling your age by simplying picking up a microphone is an impressive talent. Fitting too, because I age by at least three decades each time I listen to  Roko’s song >:-). About that, btw

ENTRY ANALYSIS:

“The Dream” is horrible, period, end of fucking statement. 🤗

...

Ugh, *FINE*, I’ll elaborate, I guess. 🙄😒 The closest analogy to this toxic cloud of smarm is “Our Choice”, right down to the pandering Love&Peace type of message (NO CHARITY SONGS!!! EVER!!!) it is trying to force down our throats. It’s annoying and self-serving, and that’s just the gentle way of putting it, tbh!! 

However, there are moments where I wonder whether “The Dream” is in fact worse than “Our choice” because By Lazarev, is it loud. Really, fucking LOUD. To the point I’m almost hesitant to call it a ‘song’? Roko YELLS this song’s inane libretto at the top of his lungs and like... Yes, dude you’ve got pipes. A pity this is not the “Eurovision Singing Contest”. Be fun or stay home!!!

Now, I have heard that the “final version” will be just in Croatian though and that’s... actually a positive for me. 🤗 The fewer people that are exposed to war crimes such as “IIIIII DREAM OF LOOOOOOVE / YOOOOOOOOOU DREAM OF LOOOOOOOOOOOVE/ AAAAAAAAANGEEEEEEELS OF GOOOOOOOOOD”, the better.🤗

Who even wrote this tripe you ask? Why, our good fat old deluded ‘friend’ Jacques Houdek. Choquant, I know. I have no freaking clue what that walking ball of suet was thinking when he wrote this. Did he really believe people genuinely liked “My Friend” for the music??? (as opposed to laughing their ass off at how corny and stupid and gimmicky and shit it was). That’s why we can’t have nice things, friends. Offer Jacques a finger an altar boy and he’ll take the arm the whole choir. Such is the tragic fate of those that liked “My Friend” unironically 😭

NF CORNER:

It is generous to assume Croatia had options that could do well in Eurovision, but there were a handful of songs in Dora that could’ve proven entertaining. 

There is THIS hilarious, overstaged, messy, UGLY-AS-FUCK (yet somehow weirdly compelling) SPANISH-LANGUAGE superhero reggaeton anthem:

And for those desparately longing a return to 2002, there’s also this textbook example of early nillies’ Euroschlager ownage. 

Fun x2!! Would either qualify for the final? Probably not? I mean, they would advance for Romania or Moldova, but Croatia + Lowbrow Fun results more often in Daria’s than in Severina’s. Then again, would Roko qualify? Well...

QUALIFICATION ODDS: Not qualifying. 

Nope, he is absolutely not qualifying. Russia are in the same half of Croatia’s SemiFinal with another LOUD, but significantly better schlagerballad. “Scream” completely CANCELS “The Dream” (I secretly enjoy “Scream” lmfao, but we’ll get to that in a few weeks’ time) Of course, there are instances where Roko appears to be doing well in online polls, but bear in mind that Jacques is (OPENLY!!) recruiting Croatians on social media to vote for “The Dream” in those polls, so it means jack fucking squat.

Jacques does imply that Roko isn’t dead in the water, but... how is he not? “My Friend” at least had clear meme potential. What does ‘The Dream’ even have? Angel Wings? Good thing it does, I guess. Roko will need them once he flies out of the competition on Thursday...x

Projected placement: 12th-18th in the semifinal. 

Link to the masterpost