#/joke im workin on stuff rn

[liliavalley]

i love posting on cara. would love to have art to post someday

[orphankin]

my friend hosted a bad fanfic drinking night so I wrote this specifically for that. please don't think this is genuine or that this is how I write. I will explode. anyway it's about Solas and the Herald of Andraste

Author bio:

Hi! :3 im the future best writier in America! I don say the world because of rr martin teehee. Heres a little something bive been workin on :) its about solas in high school! au. I don’t really know that much about him as a character but hes got like that dad teacher vibe goin on so I wanted to know what hed be like if he was son student instead! Here is is , my masterpiece

Soals: this isn’t my first day in high school, just so you now. Im actually in my third year, so ive prety much got this down pat. Every high school has its clicks. Weve got the mages and the red crystals that walk around. They’re scaryi on the football team. Weve got French club and the guildmaskers . hell theres even at emple just aross the way. But most importantly we have the herald of andy. Theyre sooooooo dreammy ~~~ every time thy walk pasty me int he hallway, I nearly FAITN . everyones had a hrush on them since forever but today is the day I make my move ,’;)

Salas: hey hot stuff hows it goin?

Hearld of andy: woah isn’t that a bit forward?

Solas: oh sorry itsj ust that youre on fire so I wanted mto make sure youre ok

Herald of andy: omg am i? -screams_ holy shit thanks for telling me im glad I put that out

Solas: yeah im glad youre safe! But maybe I should come over to ours later to make sure youre eally oka?

Herald of andy: um well imsupposed to have football practice after school

Soals: yeah but like youre prefect so I mean. Do you really need to practice?

Herald of any: oh I guess youre right@ ill meet you atmy place then/

Saolas: hell yah babey cant wait! *kissy fasce*

~~~

Back at their palce

Solas: omg your castle si sooo nice thanks for having me over

Herals of andy: yeah no problem

Soals: so let me check on that wound, hot stuff

Herald of andy: oh yeah! -removes jacket-

Soals: so youre just a litle singed on the jacken here but I need ot see yhour skin so make sure

Herald of andy: oh~ okay -blushes- -takes off shirt-

Solas: wow youre so warm. Maybef rom the burn

Sherald of andy: and youre like greally cold _gassps- at finger touches fromc old

Solas: if only I had someone who caould wrap something around me to be less cold -shivers-

Herald of andy: I mean my cloths are right there..

Solas: hee hee oh ya ok thanks! -peace sign fingers-I don’t know actually if this isenough im relaly cold -shivers but pretend this time-

Herald of andy: oh I mean I guess I can get closer . for the inspection too right?

Solas: omg yasss pelase do -puppy dog eyes-

Herald of andy: -puts check on bald tattood head_ actually this is really nice maybe? Do you tihnk?

Solas: yes omg I feel like im everything you need, do you tink? – casts spell-

Herald of andy: woah ! what speell dod you jsut cast?

Solas: oh uh iltll help you on the test omorrow! Tee hee

Herald of andy: oh I guess that s liek really cind of you actually omg thank you I was worred taht I wasn’t conna do well tomororow

Solas: well ic an help you sudy too your hormwork if you dlike?

Herald of andy: oh sure! Its in m room tho, I don’t know if that’s like weird or anything

Solas: -blushes- blushes ahah no its okay! Im already in your cloths so like whatver you know?

Herald of andy:hee hee -picks up solas and takes in to room- alryugiht! Heres it is. Do you oike?

Solas: omg its so spaceous, and what  a big bed you have!

Herald of andy: omg are you like a wolf or something? Aha grandma jokes

Solas: -bluishes- I mean I am wearing your clothes

Herald of andy: well we should fix that then shouldn’t we

-both start takin goff each others cloths and panting real hard-

Hearld of andy: are you sure you didn’t cast like a horny hot dog spell on me?

Solas: if I did, do you mind now?

Hardl of andy: oh I guess not, I just really need you inside me rn

o.O fade to black yuckkos!!!!!

~~~

Next day at wcool:

Solas; hey! Herald of andy! Omg last nigthw as so fun

Herald of andy: -is with friend group- um who are you?

Solas: we uh -whispers- did the nasty last night?

Herald of andy: uh I don’t remember anything about yesterday. Im gonna go now

Solas: shit! I think I made that spell too strong, they don’t remember antyhing abotu yesterday. But our special night! I guess ill just hve to di t again

_finds herald of andy in the lucnh room-

Solas: so uh youre one fire

Herald of andy: no I don’t think I am

Solas: -casts a spell- no like you are

Hearld of handy: um why is my jacket so cold

Solas: -shiti wrong seplle!- uh I mean I could wamr that oup for you if youd let me wear it later tonight -wink-

Hearld of andy: sorry I have tennis practice

Solas: aren’t you the best tho?

Hearld of andy: not in tennis! Only if football

Solas: well ahwat if we played frotball instead?

Herald of andy: um that sounds gross I coulld never play frottball with you

Solas: we’ll see baout that – winks-

-later at tennis court-

Solas: wow! Look at hour strong they are! I wish I woas that ball – blushes- oh their strong arms could do som uch to me! -cheers herald of andy on- whoo hoo go yeah!hit that thang!

-after rpacetice-

Herald of andy: wow it was actually so nice taht you came to practice omg thank you, no one else cheers for me even tho iave got a lof of friends

Solas: ill always be there for you bb

Herald of andy: hey do you cthink you can warm of me jacket for me?

Solas: oh totally! -grans hold tightly-

Hearld of andy: oh haha I meant back at my ;ace ;p

Solas: -blushes- ok~~

-at hearsld of andy house again-

Heralds of adny: -picks up solas- ive got you now bitch.

Salas: is chocking- whats the fuck?

Hewarld of andy: I asked me frinds what happened yesterfday and they said that I skipped football practice for some tiny little eplf dweeb. What did yo u do to me! Why cant I remember?

Solas: we sahred a really spaceal ngith together ok? You really enjoyed yoruself and said youy wanted more!

Herald of andy: then why don’t I remember it! Why would you make me forget it! No you’ve got too fair! -atatacks-

Soals: woah… the full puwer of the herald! – cums-

Herarld of andy: oh my maker fucki! Tahts groosss!!

Solas: are you sure you don want to play frotball? Now?

Fade to black~~~

 ~~~

Beginin=g of sendior year

Salas: hey herald of andy..

Herald of andy: what do you could passibly want?

Solas: I juwast wanting to tell you that

Herald of andy: I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT -they said while being loud-

Solas: -says while bing quite- im pregnant..

Herald of andy: what?? That’s not how frotoball works you can t be pregsnat

Solas: well I just am ok??? And……………………………… I miss you

Herald of adny: I don’t think that s my problem actually

Solas: - starts crying-

Andy: herald, what are you doing?

Herald of andy: andy?????? I thought your voice went out and that’s why you sent me to high school cause you couldn’t talk cause you’re voice went out??

Andy: thatw as last year herald but im back now and you better talke care of that kid in solass belly

Herald of andy: again tahtws not how frottdogging works like he cannot be pregnant. He just cannot be anywhere close tot hat state of mind of or body like don’t test me or ill sotp being your hearld

Andy: well I don’t need you anywmore anwyay cause my voice went back in babey so you know what im gonna do? Im gonna be the pasrent you referuse to be. Come to me solas

Solas: yes daddy 0runs into arms crying-

Andy: me and my boy girlfriend soals are gonna take a trip to Canada for our honeymoon and youre NOT INVITED

Herald of andy: well im gonna go marry football nd YOURE NOT INVITED

Andy: well were gonna play frotball and its bonna be so much better than you gould ever

Herald of andy: ew in front of the child? Ew

Solas: its not like theyre here yet!!! Stfu byu the maker fuck

Herald of andy: -is making out with a football-

Andy: -grabs solas and burst thoruight the ceiling flying away to quebic-

Football: -cries, is incomfortbale-

[devildumbasses]

HI HELLO

My name is Danny and I’m just a littol creature

I’m 19, and I use They/them pronouns 💖

I will reblog stuff mostly but also. When I remember I will post my art and maybe even some headcanons and such !!!

Im gonna make a tag for my MC, but not rn lol I’m lazy 😪

EDIT: IM WORKIN ON IT

Few things:

1. While not gonna b explicitly 18+ I do like making haha pepee joke and such so I’d prefer it 16+ ‘round here

2. Do not be a little bitch, u know like if you are racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, MAP-friendly etc. I will find where you live and eat your fingers 🐎

3. I love all interpretations of mcs I give them all kisses muwah I so Will talk about mine a lot fair warning

4. DM’s r always open if you wanna chat about obey me or whatever else teehee

5. Old stuff from my main blog and don’t involve my mc will be under #danny original and things involving my MC will be under #Kahntent tyty

[compunctionjunction]

70 horrible questions

I was tagged by the lovely @1of1prism thank u my guy <3

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Maybe better than some people but probably also worse than a lot of people lol. Sometimes I go to people’s houses and I’m like ???what is this “communication”. Also depends on the day and parent. i have an entire tag devoted to my dad lol

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? I dunno probs my mom or one of my friends 

03: Do you regret anything? Lots

04: Are you insecure? "My insecurities have insecurities” tho tbh i’m gettin pretty good. 

05: What is your relationship status? Single and not ready to mingle

06: How do you want to die? in control and ready 2 go

07: What did you last eat? cream of chicken soup... chocolate frozen yogurt... caramel pudding....... I just had my wisdom teeth out.......give me real food......

08: Played any sports? Never, in my life. The audacity.

09: Do you bite your nails? Ahuh! Sometimes!

10: When was your last physical fight? ive never been in a 2-way fight but the most recent 1-sided one was probs in gr 6 when one of my friends (aha) dragged me across the classroom by my hair lol

11: Do you like someone? No :\

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? try 72 hon

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? lol trump (im not changing ur answer sophie cause its accurate lol) also anyone who aligns w him and rn all the conservative MPs for being dicks and a lot more I’m full of hatred rn 

14: Do you miss someone? i miss being able to eat real 

15: Have any pets? my sister has 2 ferrets :\ but she moved out so no

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? my face hurts

17: Ever made out in the bathroom? made out a cheque to my haters (just kidding i have no money and no haters i just was trying to be funny. im sorry. i need humour right now.)

18: Are you scared of spiders? i mean i think it depends on how dark it is and how big the spider is tbh 

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? i dunno i’ll need an informed consent form

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? :\ 

21: What are your plans for this weekend? first i gotta recover and then i gotta finish like 5 papers and hang with people and have a sleepover and hang with more ppl and watch a bunch of tv

22: Do you want to have kids? How many? I want to give birth to 0 kids tho I am still undecided on adoption etc. I’d probs be a rly good godmother tho like im just sayin. @1of1prism @purewhiteflames​ ;)) 

23: Do you have piercings? How many? no piercings as of yet tho i wanna get my ears pierced i think. but my dad disapproves of anything like that so i’d probs have to wait to either move out or be financially independent lol

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? rn? english, women and gender studies, most things involving research-based papers where i have free reign over the topic 

25: Do you miss anyone from your past? lotsa ppl tbh

26: What are you craving right now? food........that i can eat........ chickenmelts........hamburgers......pizza........pasta......... :’(

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? prob lol but do i care

28: Have you ever been cheated on? we’ve all been cheated on.......by the system.....

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? that would require having one

30: What’s irritating you right now? my goddamn jaw and people eating food I can’t eat in front of me. my parents had mcdonalds yesterday. you know what i had. a milkshake. my sister brought home bacon wrapped scallops. I haven’t had scallops in like 2 years cause they’ve doubled in price and the one time we have scallops let alone frickin bacon wrapped scallops (like what the hell what kinda fancyass lunch) I cant FRICKIN eat it. Oh but I can smell it. I can hear u crunching on these foods. “Mmmmm!” ya shut up.

31: Does somebody love you? Do you know how popular I am? I am soooo popular. Everybody loves me so much at this school.

32: What is your favourite color? black and hot pink together

33: Do you have trust issues? ...........why are u asking..........what will u do with that info.......

34: Who/what was your last dream about? NO FREAKING JOKE!!!!!! i HAD A FRICKIN DREAM WHERE DANNY DEVITO CAME TO MY HOUSE WITH THIS LADY AND THEY TRIED TO BUY MY HOUSE AND MY MOM WAS LIKE “no..” AND THEY WERE SO MAD AND DANNY DEVITO TRIED TO STEAL THE HOUSE KEYS BUT I CAUGHT HIM JUST IN TIME like what kinda fake tumblr text post but it’s real i really dreamed that. I honestly can’t believe it. I would doubt it myself except I told someone abt it right away when I woke up. so now i will never forget.

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? my mom and this nurse because I woke up in a cot after being high on laughing gas and some other drug and steroids so not only did I wake up and I didn’t know where I was and no one was there and there was like an hour gap in my consciousness but I was coming off a high LOL

36: Do you give out second chances too easily? definitely not lol I give 2nd chances on rare occasions but as a general rule if u break my trust I won’t trust u in the same way again lol “trust is like a mirror. u can fix it if it’s broke. but u can still see the crack in that mother fucker’s reflection”

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm forgive i guess

38: Is this year the best year of your life? well not politically or in a global sense but in terms of like self-growth and stuff I’m doing pretty well so far I’m doin pretty good. workin hard... having fun.. loving myself.. 

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? i have never in my life sullied my lips with someone else’s bacteria-laden lips

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? n.........o

51: Favourite food? chicken pasta alfredo, chicken pie, chicken vol au vents, chickenmelts, eggs benedict, um, double chocolate fudge tart from dufflet... hmm, Sophie’s dad’s lasagna and also pasta al fuerno or whatever that’s called like yum, uh.. it’s really easy to list these off when i CAN’T HAVE ANY OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also poutine, and I also rly like Subway (ham and cheese on italian herbs and cheese bread with lettuce, onion, pickles, and mayonaisse, toasted...) 

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? kind of but I tried to explain it to someone once and they were like ??????what ur saying makes no sense and contradicts itself and i was like ya probably lol

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? watched a bad tv show my parents were watching and drank a giant mcdonalds milkshake and iced my face

54: Is cheating ever okay? honestly who am i to judge ur relationship and forgiveness and stuff but like imo if someone cheats on u they don’t respect u as an equal in that relationship or probably as a human

55: Are you mean? i can be a bit of a dick tbh but most of the time when i say something mean in my head im like “why is my mouth saying//why are my fingers typing these horrible ass things??”

56: How many people have you fist fought? well ive never used my fists on anyone but 2 people have punched me in the stomach does that count lol

57: Do you believe in true love? at the same time, i wanna hug you, i wanna wrap my hands around your neck, you’re an asshole, but i love you... so much i think it must be true love, true love. it must be tru-e love, no one else could break my heart like yo-o-o-o-o-o. yo-o-o-o-oh, oh-o-o-oh (No)

58: Favourite weather? either when its foggy and tranquil or when its like 23-25 degrees and sunny but also there’s some clouds so it’s not like direct hot sun on u but it’s still warm enough to wear shorts

59: Do you like the snow? i like when it’s snowing and quiet and peaceful and i like lying down in the snow and having that feeling of hearing everything kind of muted? but ya i hate slush and ice and stuff 

60: Do you wanna get married? not really but i might for tax benefits LOL

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? No, get that shit away from me

62: What makes you happy? lots of things especially seeing other people happy and genuine

63: Would you change your name? Maybe tbh it’s something i’m thinking abt right now cause I’m not a super fan of my name but maybe not officially and I also don’t wanna start shit with my fam I think my mom would be upset lol 

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? ya cause they don’t exist lol

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? well thats nice cause I like him too but what’s with this “opposite sex” bs like i know what u mean but like 

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? like seriously it’s not a real thing sex and gender are both constructs it’s a spectrum, a range. my buddy. pal. listen. (also ya i like to think anyone in our friend group but like probs john cause I can be scathing with those guys but as if i’d ever be vulnerable around them LOL)

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? like ur gonna keep going with this. ur gonna keep doing this. thats fine. but i can give u some reading. like i have all these pdfs if ur interested. no joke. and if pdfs are unaccessible to u i also have a bunch of youtube links. like hon. (my dad)

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? wow i dont even know if i can tag u back @1of1prism cause if im being honest i think it was @purewhiteflames oops, yikes!!!

69: Do you believe in soulmates? no but i do think there are people that u are much more compatible with than other people

70: Is there anyone you would die for? i dunno we’ll see if/when it happens lol

I’m not gonna put anyone else through this so you can say I tagged u if u wanna do it but like lol