#/it's one for me bc i was Lazy as Hell before lmao

[ruairy]

.

[kithtaehyung]

[ 3tanfall ] ok so i posted this in the cul de sac but it's also gonna live on the blog too bc!! it's part of 3tanotes and i'm way too excited about it :')) so thank you all again and here's the spoiler passage!

A gentle autumn breeze wraps around your shoulders as you wait. Leaves traverse the concrete at your shoes, and you feel at peace while the sun starts to set. 

How long have you been standing here? Surely Yoongi would’ve responded or at least texted you by now. 

Knocking again, you pull out your phone to call him, noticing that the water bowl next to your feet is empty but the food bowl still has some spare scraps. With your free hand, you scoop up the empty container. 

Where is he? You know he’s home so—

The door opens while your phone still rings, so you’re staring back at a pair of glasses in shock. Probably not how he expected to see you. “Hi.” 

“Hi,” Yoongi responds, blinking at the bowl in your hand. “Oh, was that empty?” 

“Mmhmm.” While you step inside, you quietly swoon at the way he slips your bag from your shoulder, laughing at his sudden set of questions.

“What the—? What the hell’s in here?” 

You throw an explanation over your side on the way to the kitchen. “A surprise!” 

Thumps hit his counter as he exerts effort. “Goddamn. You moving in?” 

“You wish!” If this man says that one more time, you're packing your bags. Only hypothetically, of course. Because there's no way he means it right now.

Your sad grin’s light bounces off the sink at an angle. “Just got some things at the store and didn’t wanna use bags.” 

When a hand braces the counter next to your waist, your mood instantly blooms. A hint of shyness will linger as always, but it’s paired with beautiful familiarity. Truly a welcome change in this new chapter, new season with him. 

Yoongi’s other hand warms your arm with a light skim. And he doesn’t speak until you’re done with your task of filling the bowl with water,

“You could.” 

Oh. 

Just as the world transforms outside, so does your soul as every pretty and fleeting emotion nestles under your cheeks. When you slowly look Yoongi’s way, you admire his eyelashes as he focuses on the fingers touching your skin. 

“I could,” you whisper back. When he lifts his gaze, your smile spreads. “If you convince me.” 

That damn scrunch of his nose would be enough. But Yoongi sniffs in determination, straightening his posture before folding sleeved arms. “Mm… Sounds tough.” Your hands are still damp when he squints at the ceiling, but that doesn’t stop you from wanting to strangle him when he jokes, 

“And I’m lazy.” 

“Oh, you—!” You laugh along with him as he breaks his facade, which doesn’t prepare you for the way he quickly tugs you in for a stupidly delicious kiss. It’s almost lethal enough for you to drop the bowl completely, but he releases as quickly as he pounced. 

Leaving you with swollen lips and swirls for eyes. 

Gathering what’s left of your sanity, you slowly squeak out, “That’s a… Good start.” 

“Nice.” Yoongi flicks your nose before walking to his room. “After you put that out, come in here. Wanna show you something.” 

“Something? Or something...”

He laughs. “Just hurry up. You’ll see.”  

-

-

a/n: goodbye i've missed them so much and i can't wait to finish this oh my godddd. hope y'all are ready for a whole pile of fluff and steamy goodness lmao

[zeninsama-moved]

pay up!

gojo satoru x female reader

satoru's poor time management has you working overtime, and this cheap bastard has something other than cash to pay you with (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

note from author mercury: this is my entry for our slimeball collab over on @bastardblvd , figured the host of the slimiest event on this corner of the internet should probably contribute a lil somethin. let's pretend like i'm not shitting bricks bc this is my first time writing for gojo <3 ending is a little abrupt but i needed to get this out asap or i'd be scrutinizing it for the next five months

content warnings: female reader, unprotected sex, oral and fingering (reader receiving), overuse of the word 'cute', praise and obnoxious petnames (reader receiving), needing to keep quiet, fucking on the couch while the kids are asleep down the hall so if that's a concern for you please don't touch, panty fetish if you squint, cumshot?, implied you've fucked before, unfair compensation for your labor lmao, multiple references to the slimeball au so that may be super jarring if you aren't familiar.

↳ word count: 3.9k

It's almost eleven, which means Satoru is... very late.

Shit happens, you get it. Maybe work ran later than expected, or the train hit a freeloader on the way back to Grimetown, but still. You can’t help but feel bothered by the lack of text message from your pseudo-employer.

You would never complain about Megumi and Tsumiki. They're absolute angels, and caring for them has never felt like work. Besides, your only other options were a waitressing job at Franky’s or the graveyard shift at the gas station, which you heard is filled with... interesting characters at that time of night. Caring for the coolest elementary schoolers alive seemed like a no-brainer. The arrangement worked out in your favor as well. Satoru ended up moving you into his apartment complex due to his demanding schedule, wanting you to always be close – like two apartments down the hall close.

Contrary to the name, the Luxury Condos on Bastard Boulevard weren’t much of an upgrade from your last apartment. The landlord must be loaded because it’s a miracle this place passed inspection, but you’ll gladly accept updated appliances and neighbors without a small army of pet rats. Even the offensively high rent doesn’t bother you because your pseudo-employer paid it all in cash. 

(You tried asking Satoru exactly where he got all this money from, to which he said, “It ain’t easy being the sexiest designer sunglasses model on this side of town. You gotta work hard to play hard!”)

Anyways, whatever is holding him, you hope it’s a good excuse.

In the meantime, you’ve taken up camp on his sofa, wrapped in a throw blanket that smells vaguely of Satoru's disgustingly expensive cologne. You were too lazy to change the channel from whatever cartoon Megumi was watching before bedtime, laughing through your nose every now and then. It’s not that bad, but still… You’d really, really like to go back to your apartment and hit the hay.

Maybe a little snooze won’t hurt, but of course, right as you close your eyes...

The smart lock clicks behind you. It’s a quarter past eleven when Satoru enters the apartment, looking gorgeous and unbothered, sunglasses low on his nose and DAISO cat-print tote bag slung over his arm.

"Daddy's home!" 

"Shh!" you're glaring from the couch, lips drawn in a frown. "Megumi and Tsumiki are sleeping! Where the hell were you? You couldn't give me a heads up?" 

"Sorry, babycakes. They loved what I was giving 'em, so the shoot ran overtime." Satoru grins at you, pulling the sunglasses off his face and ditching them in the catch-all along with his keys. His shoes are toed off and left by the front door. "Why, you miss me that bad?" 

You're tempted to throw one of the many decorative pillows right at his big, dumb head. Instead you sink back into the couch, pulling the blanket tighter around your frame, grouchy. "Whatever," you sigh. "You're four hours late, so you better pay up." 

Satoru sucks in air through his teeth. "Yeah, about that..."

You don't like where this conversation is heading. 

"Some big guy outside the train station jacked my wallet on the way home. You'll never believe it, he had this fuckin'... worm? On his shoulder? Shit, it was crazy. So I don't have the cash to pay you, but–" 

You glance over your shoulder at the man now rummaging through his bag behind you, eyes and tone full of warning. "Satoru..."

An opened package is waved in your face by a beaming idiot.

"– Ichigo daifuku! Your favorite!"

He's so full of shit. There’s one piece of mochi left, does he really think his already-eaten train snack will fix this? Probably, and as much as you'd hate to admit it, you do like strawberry daifuku mochi. Dammit.  

Despite your annoyance, you don't get up from your spot on the couch. You're tempted to storm out, blow past Satoru and grab your things, maybe give him a good shove while you do it. However, you're tired, and no grand display of your frustrations would change the fact that you'd be returning tomorrow to pick up his kids from school. Also, your apartment is literally two doors down, so you wouldn't truly be escaping Satoru – you'll still feel his annoying energy seeping through the absurdly large gap under your door while you sit there, in the apartment that he bought you, stewing in your annoyance and eating your feelings in a single daifuku mochi. 

God, you might hate this man. You don't even wanna look at him, but despite feeling this way, you let Satoru move closer, ditching the bag of sweets in favor of pinching your puffed-out cheek in his fingers.

“Aw, come on,” he pouts, redirecting your face towards his in an attempt to get you to look at him, but you don’t give him the satisfaction. You force yourself to look anywhere else but the man above you and stubbornly pretend you can’t feel the cool puffs of his mint-gum breath, or notice his devious grin from the corner of your eye. “Don’t be mad at me, babycakes. Is there anything I can do to make it better?” 

“You can go to the ATM and get me some cash."

“Yeah, besides that.”

On the subject of things you hate about Satoru, you hate how quickly he switches up on you. One minute, he's the most annoying man you've ever had the misfortune of knowing. The next, he's smooth and serious. The kind of man that confidently leans in and ghosts his lips over your neck, intentionally fanning his breath over your skin because you made the mistake of telling him you're ticklish there.

"There must be some way for me to make this up to you," Satoru murmurs into your neck, the low vibrations of his voice making you shiver. It's then that you finally cave, eyes slowly meeting his, brilliant blues hidden behind heavy lids.

Unfortunately, he's very handsome.

"Okay," you huff. "Fine."

He kisses your cheek, then your nose, and then he kisses you.

You hate to admit it, but Satoru knows how to kiss. His lips are warm and soft, meshing with yours with confidence, tongue easing into your mouth in a practiced motion.

He momentarily breaks the kiss to join you on the couch, kneeling on the cushion beside you and leaning back in, cradling your cheek in his hand, murmuring against your lips before kissing them again.

"Let me show you just how much I appreciate you."

Satoru reaches down and rests his hand between your thighs, cupping your pussy through the rough fabric of your shorts. You bite your lip at the sensation, stifling a needy whimper, but he knows. Your grouchy demeanor melted so easily for him.

How cute, his little tsundere.

He squeezes you softly, then rubs four fingers up and down, keeping his pace slow.

"You know I can't do it without you, right?"

Your hips lift off the couch, chasing his hand as it continues its unbothered pace. Satoru rewards you by focusing the stimulation on your clit, switching to tighter, firmer circles over the sensitive bud.

"You're just saying that," you mutter.

"Nuh uh," Satoru teases. "I've never seen anyone be so good with my kids. They love you, you know. Maybe more than they love me."

That's not too difficult, you want to quip, but opt to bite your tongue instead. Satoru's touch feels way too good, you don't want him to stop or risk having your orgasm put off just over a snark. Instead, you curl your fingers into the nape of his neck, fidgeting with the shorter tufts of hair there. 

Satoru kisses you again. His hand stops playing with your clit just to skim higher, unfasten the button and zipper on your shorts so he can touch you where you both want it most.

"And you know," he murmurs between kisses, fingers sneaking under the loosened waist of your shorts, then your panties, until you feel his fingers make contact with your bare clit. He watches your reactions closely, smiling when you gasp and buck up into his touch. "I like you too. How can I not? You're too damn cute."

His slender middle finger skims your folds, feeling the wetness there, letting it gather and get him all slick, making it easier when it finally pushes inside you. Just one finger already feels like so much, almost too much. He feels your walls bear down, his cock twitching lazily in his pants. How long has it been since he’s had you last? 

You let him have you once before, back when he spent the whole day helping you move into your new apartment, carrying all those heavy boxes for you like the gentleman he is – and you, being the sweet peach you are, insisted on making him dinner as a thank you.

You reminded Satoru of a cute little housewife, puttering around the kitchen in your apron, though nothing was cuter than the sight of you sinking onto his dick that night, your hands and pussy clinging to him like you couldn’t get enough.

Every time he jerks off, he thinks of that adorable, pinched look on your face when the fat head of his dick first speared you open. 

It's kind of embarrassing, the hold you have on him. 

When you're taking his finger with ease, Satoru presses a second into your cunt, further stretching it out. "Come on, baby, open up for me," he coaxes, voice low and sultry. "Fuck, you don't know how bad I missed this pussy. Gonna let me fuck it again? Hm?"

"Uh huh," you're nodding, dazed, and the sight of you makes Satoru grin. The heel of his palm presses into your clit, providing the right amount of pressure when combined with his fingers.

"Yeah? Gonna let me have this cute pussy to myself?" 

Cruelly, the motion stops.

The lack of stimulation makes you pout.

Satoru's fingers glide out of you with an embarrassingly loud squelch, intentionally brushing along your clit as they withdraw from your shorts and panties. His hand emerges, fingers glistening with clear threads of arousal webbed between them, and before you can think, he slips them past your lips and presses firmly on your tongue, prompting you to suck.

"Tastes good?" Satoru coos, delighted at your eagerness. "Let me taste now, okay, cutie?" 

Shyly, you nod. His fingers withdraw from your mouth, leaving a dribble of spit on your bottom lip. 

Satoru repositions himself to kneel on the floor in front of you, tugging you by the hips so your bottom half comes right to the edge of the couch, dangerously close to his face. He leans in and presses a soft kiss to your cunt, the sensation muted by your shorts, but it still makes you gasp. His fingers hook into your shorts and you lift your hips to help him pull them off, but he makes no effort to remove your panties with them. Instead, he fixates on the little wet patch right in the center, caressing it with his finger. Admiring it.

Fuck, you’re so cute. He can’t wait to get his mouth on you. 

"Need to keep quiet, okay?" Satoru instructs, peering up at you through his lashes, watching you take your bottom lip between your teeth and nod. The last thing you need is to disturb the two rugrats asleep down the hall, even if you could pry yourself off Satoru and pull your shorts back on in record time. You don't want this moment to stop, not when the promise of his mouth on your cunt is so deliciously close.

You look so sweet like this, he thinks. Chest heaving, eyes wide and eager, one hand fisting the hem of your shirt, holding it over your stomach for a better view. Satoru smiles up at you, maintaining eye contact as he presses a kiss to your inner thigh.

“What a beautiful girl.”

Satoru buries his face in the soft warmth between your legs. His nose presses into your clit, taking in your scent as his tongue ventures lower, finally getting a taste of your pussy and he shamelessly moans. It’s faint through the fabric. He knows he could taste you better without them, but something about eating pussy through a cute pair of panties never fails to get him so fucking hard. He likes watching them get wetter and wetter, until they're completely soaked from arousal and saliva and clinging to the shape of the pretty pussy underneath.

Your other hand flies down immediately, resting on the back of Satoru’s head to urge him closer, and of course he’ll indulge you. He’ll eat you just the same, dragging his tongue in broad strokes up to your clit, then sucking it into his mouth.

The muted sensation makes you whine. It’s not enough, yet so good. Enough to make your little pussy flutter under your panties. You push his head harder against your cunt, desperate to keep the kissing suction over your clit. You’re certain you could cum like this, between the pressure of Satoru’s tongue and the vibrations when he moans against you. 

A string of saliva connects Satoru’s swollen lips to your panties when he pulls back for air, but this time he pulls the soaked fabric aside, finally getting an eyeful of your pussy.

“Well hi, gorgeous,” he lovingly coos, pressing a light kiss over your clit. “Did you miss me?” 

Is he… really talking to your pussy? 

Scratch that, you hate him again. 

“What are you doing?” You ask, breathless. 

“What do you mean? We’re having a moment,” Satoru replies, voice still sweet and airy, the same way one would talk to a cute little pet. 

If you didn’t need him so badly, you’d kick him right in his dumb face.

Fortunately, Satoru cuts his little bit short and dives back in, tongue sweeping through your folds, finally getting his first real taste of your pussy. You taste even better than he could imagine. 

You release a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, body melting into the couch. Your fingers tangle in soft white hair, urging his head deeper, wanting to feel more of his mouth and Satoru obliges. His tongue dips into your cunt, fucking you with it, then drags up to your clit to lick in slow circles.  

He really, really wants to be inside you right now. His dick is throbbing so hard, he’s amazed he hasn’t passed out yet, but Satoru’s always been a man with a sweet tooth. He doesn’t mind setting his needs aside a while longer if it means eating out some pretty pussy. 

Maybe not too much longer though.

His fingers join between your legs, still slick from your saliva and arousal, and slip easily into your cunt. Making you cum is easy for him, his fingers thrust deep with each lazy roll of his wrist, stimulating that spot inside you with ease. Though, he can tell you're craving more of a stretch, so Satoru, being the chivalrous, generous, oh-so-kind man that he is, gives you a third finger.

Your jaw drops at the intrusion, pussy now spread wide to accommodate the stretch of three fingers as they curl and stroke your sensitive walls, drawing out more wetness and arousal until it drips down his wrist in clear drops.

Satoru knows you're close when you let out a particularly desperate moan, your hips stuttering and walls fluttering so perfectly on his fingers, clit pulsing against his tongue.

"Satoru, I'm–" you warn, trying to keep your voice low.

"I know, baby," he coos in encouragement. "Feels so good, doesn't it? Go ahead, pretty baby. Cum on my tongue if you need to."

You don't need any further coaxing. When you cum, you cum hard, hand smacking over your mouth to muffle your cries as Satoru keeps fucking you through your orgasm, fingers thrusting and tongue lapping up every drop of arousal your sensitive pussy drools out, just for him.

He rests his head on your inner thigh, watching fondly as you come down from your high. His fingers still thrust into you but his pace has slowed significantly, working you through it until your walls stop contracting. Your arousal coats his entire hand when it withdraws from your cunt, even pooling on the couch beneath you. It'll be a bitch to clean, but Satoru can't bring himself to care about that now. His dick might explode if it's not buried in your cunt in the next thirty seconds.

Even as you lay there, chest heaving, you still crave more. Your hands are greedy, grabbing at Satoru while he makes his way up and eases you back against the couch.

“Easy there, tiger,” he chuckles, hooking his fingers into your soaked panties and peeling them down your legs. "Let's take these off you first."

Your panties are discarded somewhere – probably his pocket, that pervert – before Satoru goes in for another kiss, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. One hand rests beside your head, supporting his weight. The other reaches down and palms his dick through his pants. "You need my dick that badly? Hm? Turn around." 

You oblige, rolling over to lay on your stomach and pretending the sound of his belt unfastening doesn't make you warm with anticipation. Satoru shifts to straddle your thighs, placing one of the cushions to rest under your hips, keeping you nice and comfortable while also elevating your ass to be closer to his dick. A win-win.

"Shit," he sighs, pulling his dick from his briefs and jerking it slowly, slicking himself up with your wetness. Precum beads at the tip and he rubs it against your folds, mixing your messes. "It's been a while, huh?" 

"Satoru," you whine, pushing back against him, wiggling your hips slightly in a silent request for him to quit teasing you and get on with it.

Maybe that makes you greedy. After all, he was just nice enough to let you cum on his fingers and tongue, but you don't care. It doesn't hurt to be selfish every once in a while, especially with Satoru of all people.

When Satoru finally presses the thick head of his dick into you, it feels like you’re being split in two. He's immediately met with resistance, your cunt bearing down, struggling to accommodate it even with all the prep he gave you. So he starts slow and shallow, dragging his heavy dick in and out, bullying your cunt into relaxing and letting more of him fit. He pulls out and taps the head against your entrance again. "Come on, sweetie, open up for me~" 

He eases into your cunt again, but this time Satoru leans in, his opposite hand settling on the other side of your head, smothering you with his weight in the best way possible. His body blankets yours, pinning your back under his chest and ass against his hips. His dick pushes into you with more persistence, inch after inch sinking deeper until he's buried to the hilt.

Your eyes roll back, mouth hanging open in a silent scream. You're probably drooling all over his couch, but it's hard to feel shame when he's filling you out so nicely. He's so deep, it's like he's forcing the air out of your lungs and replacing it with his dick.

His lips ghost over your shoulder, kissing it sweetly, then he starts to move. Slow, deep thrusts, only withdrawing an inch before he's chasing that warmth again. He fucks you as hard as he can without being too noisy, limiting the smack of his hips against your ass, even though he really wants to see it bounce from the force of his thrusts. If he could, he’d be making you scream right now, watch some pretty tears stream down your face because of what his dick does to you. Yeah, that would be cute.

Satoru ruts ruthlessly into the tight heat of your cunt, chasing the orgasm he’s needed so fucking desperately. Balls slap against your clit, heavy with all his pent-up release. He takes advantage of your open mouth and forces two fingers inside, pressing down firmly on your tongue and delighting in the way you slobber around them, in the way your cheeks subconsciously hollow and suck them deeper, still tasting your pussy on them.

Sucking on his fingers keeps you quiet, gives you something else to focus on if not the relentless pounding against your cervix, or how close you’re getting to snapping and cumming all over his dick.

“Shit, you’re so perfect,” Satoru huffs against your neck. "I can feel you squeezing me, baby, I know this little pussy wants to cum."

It’s hard to moan his name when his stupidly long fingers are prodding the back of your throat. You’re babbling, crying out for Thatowu to keep fucking you, it feels so good, and he’s grinning like an idiot above you. Yeah, baby? It feels good?

Satoru’s fingers withdraw from your mouth only to snake underneath your body and stake claim on your clit, massaging in slow circles, coaxing you closer to your orgasm. You can’t take it anymore. Your body goes limp, cheek smashed into the cushion, gaping mouth smearing drool all over the fabric while your cunt creams around his dick.

“Shit, that’s it, baby,” Satoru moans, feeling your cunt squeeze around his dick like it's trying to swallow him whole. “Shit, you’re gonna make me cum. Is that what you want, baby? You want me to fill this pussy up?”

You’re too fucked out to answer, but that’s okay, because Satoru wasn’t really asking. More like letting you know he’s seconds away from driving his dick as deep as possible and unloading right against your cervix. God, he’d really like that, but he can't risk having any more rugrats right now. Not when his career as the only sexiest designer sunglasses model in Grimetown is taking off.

Instead, he pulls out of your cunt and manhandles you onto your back, quickly stroking his dick, filling the living room with the lewd sounds of your wetness squelching around him. You're laying there, dazed, legs spread wide and pussy exposed, all swollen and leaky and clenching around the air. The sight of your debauched face sends Satoru over the edge. He releases with a groan, cum splattering on your lower stomach, inner thighs, all over your pussy, before pressing the head right against your clit and letting the rest of his load drip.

You both need a minute after that. Maybe several minutes. 

Blood still rushes in your ears when you come to. You push yourself up on shaking arms, Winnie the Pooh-ing it with your tee shirt and lack of panties. You're a mess, all sweaty with his cum painting your lower half, even parts of the couch underneath you. Maybe he'll offer up his shirt as a cumrag so you don't have to do the walk of shame to the bathroom.

You watch Satoru, who is already back to his normal, irritating self, snatch his bag off the side table, already craving a little something sweet. He chomps into the last strawberry daifuku mochi in the packet and you frown.

“Hey, I thought that was for me."

“We can still share,” Satoru teases, waving the mochi-half in your face with a grin.

Huffing, your eyes drop back down to the open bag on his lap and… wait a minute. Has that been here this whole time?

“Satoru, is that your wallet?” 

He looks down, a little rice flour on his chin.

“Oh, shit! Where did that come from?” 

[ohbo-ohno]

Okay so BO!!! I have two brain worms lately that I wish to share but I’m only gonna tell you the one now because I’m lazy. Police Officers!Ghoap stopping your friend for speeding and seeing Reader in the backseat, drunk and to yourself, waving at them excitedly when they look in your direction. It gets Johnny all excited and before Ghost can even say anything he’s telling your friend and you to get out of the car, giving you both field sobriety tests. You fail and your friend passes but they both lie and say that they failed and that they have to take you both into custody. Taking you to the station and frisking you, Soap reassuring you when you ask if it’s normal to need two officers for a search. Ghost holding you still when Soap starts to remove your clothes, ignoring your whimpers and whines when he gropes at the flesh of your ass, resisting the urge to bite into it. And then Ghost says they have to do a cavity search on you to be certain you don’t have anything dangerous to hide :((( 🧡🧡🧡 - 🕸

ooh you should maybe check out No One Has To Know by Carin Hart! tbh i wasn't a huuuge fan, but it's got a stalker police officer who kidnaps the fmc and uses his position as an officer to threaten her

anyways! i very rarely write it bc i've actually never been drunk (looong history of addiction in my family) and i feel like if i tried i'd sound like kid guessing at what drunkenness is lmao but! i fucking loooove noncon (dubcon?) with a drunk victim who wouldn't consent if they weren't drunk, and the abuser takes complete advantage of that. hot as fucking hell. and the talking them down the next morning, gaslighting them into thinking they did consent? ohhh i eat it up

anyways 2x. im obsessed with what you've sent me, may i offer some variations?

rookie cop soap & experienced (and jaded) cop ghost who's stuck as his partner. they take both you and your friend in and soap takes you into a private room for your search but ghost can just tell that soap is gonna get himself in trouble, so he finishes his search real quick and goes into the private room to find johnny humping your back while you grind on his leg :( soap freezes in fear because he is actively assaulting you, but ghost just sighs and closes the door, grunts "hurry up, then. need to get her in a holding cell. can spend some more time with her then." and johnny moans, making you moan, and the two of you are just a soaked and desperate mess of limbs

ghost and johnny pulling you over alone on the side of the road in the middle of the night. they handcuff you and you're too scared to fight back, and they insist on doing a search, and then a cavity search before they take you in their car :( you're squirmy and scared and trying so hard to be good, and ghost and soap play good cop/bad cop with you. except, surprising you, ghost is the good cop and soap is the bad cop. mostly because ghost is near silent and soap is rough, kinda mean, while ghost is just ordering you around. anyway the interaction ends with ghost fucking you with his gun :/ you're trying so hard to be good but it's scary and soap keeps threatening to gag you if you get any louder :(

ghost and soap sneaking into the holding cell, making you stay silent in less you want your friend to wake up and see you taking their cocks so well :/ age-old trope but reader getting interrogated by ghost and soap and totally abused and violated as an interrogation method :/ ghost getting mean mean and telling you he'll either fuck you with his baton or beat you with it :/ soap making you shine his badge with your tongue while he's railing you :/

[disventure-rewrite-takes]

hopping on the self insert train

if I was in dcas I would be like the 1 person who gets 0 romance drama (bc aro) and that woud be incredibly cool of me. also I'd sweep the flag challenge lol, just nab it and then hide up a tree. watchu gonna do abt it

anyway i would openly be like "yeah romance isn't for me. i do not wana date. i am aro" and the fanbase would be like "what does that mean" and ship me with ppl lol. that could be the Thing In The In-Show Fandom I Complain About. also i'd call out the characters for being dumb bitches, sometimes gently, sometimes. less.

"lmao the attempted murderer is worried about preserving her tv image, give me a break"

"okay don't take this the wrong way. genuine question do you think your beef with the eight year old is justified or are you just upset your pride got wounded."

"ah yes let's all trust the attempted murderer who broke connor's leg she is clearly not being deceitful that's so beneath her" (i would bring up the s2 finale so much just to put things into perspective)

"yul can you die"

"oh my god hes finally communicating honestly with you and you immediately lie about a boyfriend. come on man"

"buddy. bestie. mate. i cannot spell this out clearer. SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. NO YOU CANT FIX HER"

"my brother in christ you accused him of cheating on his bf then got said bf voted off for entirely petty reasons why do you think he doesn't like you"

"grett i swear to god you deserve better than this guy"

(btw in that one specifically i would straight up be gabby 2.0 and yul would hurl microaggressions at both of us. except im white and idk if there's any known about derogatory terms for aros but im sure yul would invent some especially for me. although knowing him he'd probably just call me "restarted" and "acoustic". I'd be more offended by the laziness than the words themselves)

"yes i do in fact play an acoustic instrument but somehow i get the vibe that's not what you meant. look if you really wanna add ableism to your pokedex of bigot labels then at least don't be a pussy about it. say the word you really wanna call me. go on. say it. say it you coward."

and in the recent episode (from the peanut gallery, begrudgingly sitting in team ally bc there's more space on the bleachers than team jake and i do not gaf who wins as long as it's not riya) "HEY. HEY KRISTAL. CHECK RIYA AND YUL'S BACKPACKS THEY DID NOT GATHER SHIT WITH THOSE STUPID PLASTIC TOOLS. NO WAY IN HELL DID THEY ACTUALLY MINE TEN DIAMONDS BEFORE SCORPION SHIT WENT DOWN"

- @cornfields-td-nonsense

corn i absolutely love your intern 😭🙏🏼 yul would DEFINITELY make up a new slur for us aros on god

[sixosix]

here i am as prophesized

six u did it again. i'm reeling. ahem picture me at a lectern riffling frantically through the paper where i've written this speech

first of all !! i'm always impressed by how you manage to weave comedy and tragedy together so masterfully. like the lighthearted parts leave me so giddy i'm practically vibrating then the intense bits make my jaw shatter like a vase with how hard i'm clenching it like WOW. i am oscillating between two extremes like a pendulum !!!

'blushing like a maiden' and 'he shuts up immediately' made me holler your depiction of lyney is truly the correct one of all time

second of all !!! the fact you actually take the time to flesh out the side characters gives the story sooo much colour and life. like i usually have a gripe when it comes to fanfics that my favourites (in this case lynette) get overshadowed or mischaracterised in favour of the love interest but i never had that complaint with this series !! all the characters feel wonderful!!! the parallells you drew between lynette and arlecchino felt like a gourmet feast YOU COOKED ONCE AGAIN !!!!

third of all !!! the way you transitioned the series from beginning to middle to end was flawless. like genuinely. i usually struggle with the in between bits when i'm writing series but thawed is the perfect balance of beach episodes and plot episodes like actually. gobsmacked. even in the newest chapter i can sense the storyline coming to a close in the most satisfying way. kinda like reading agatha christie ngl

praying this is at least a little coherent but in case it's not : THAWED VERY GOOD !!! THAWED FANTASTIC !!!

HELLO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I GENUINELY TEARED UP AG THIS OMG. thank you so much?? im actually speechless that all i can say is thank you?? u have no idea how much this means to me

also yes i adore the fontaine cast and lynette is a very important character to both lyney AND mc! i cant just…not write her in. shes family too!!! but im glad u noticed that LMAO

thawed is such a HUUGE project. ive never finished a series before and it was so daunting writing the recent chapter bc i was just like This is so sloppy and lazy 😭 but to hear this (read??) makes me so happy truly !!!! i was so nervous to post this and im sure ill be even more nervous for the last chapter, but i feel much better now:’))

also what the hell this was more than coherent your way of words is so beautiful:(( thank u so much again im soso happy u like it

[myersesque]

hey can you info dump about hobie to me please :D

hello!!! sorry this took me a while to get around to, i got SO nervous that i'd get smthn wrong n an army of comic book dudebros would emerge from hell to smite me down - but then i remembered that i don't care and hobie is fun to talk about, so hello!!!

[quick note before we start: hobie will be referred to as either "hobie" or "spiderpunk", for the sake of not being confusing, since there are 47385783643 spidermen in existence. yes, he prefers "spiderman" and initially took spiderpunk as an insult, but as of his latest solo run, the battle of the banned, he really could not care less n actively refers to himself as spiderpunk. i'm noting this now so i don't get 50 people correcting me in the replies lmao. i also don't hyphenate spiderman because i'm lazy]

you didn't ask for anything in specific so i'm gonna just Keep Going until i lose steam, hope that's alright!

first things first: hobie isn't an original character created to be spiderpunk! he's actually a variant of hobart "hobie" brown, earth 616's prowler, which i think has a LOT of interesting potential for btsv, if you catch my drift:

why did they choose to make him a hobie variant rather than make up a new spiderperson? who knows! could be that they saw how painfully fucking close hobie was to his "capitalism is the real enemy actually" breakthrough before deciding to become a supervillain about it; maybe it's easier to get comic book nerds into new stories if they're vaguely familiar with one of the characters involved. who knows. i can't actually find any source on this one.

(interesting sidebar: in the spiderverse movies, peter b parker is from earth 616, and intended to be a direct page-to-screen adaptation of classic comic book peter parker - which makes me wonder how he reacted to meeting hobie for the first time. i doubt we'll ever see that first interaction, but it's cool to think about!)

spiderpunk's design actually originated as concept art for spider-UK, as drawn by olivier coipel (the punk movement is often credited as having started in the UK - more accurately, by black british punks, using elements of jamaican reggae - so it makes sense that they explored a punk angle for spider-UK at some point). they felt it didn't fit the character, but still loved the design, and so they wrote an entire character to fit around it! (that's also why hobie is often portrayed as british despite being written as american in the comics - his whole concept is essentially a love letter to black british punks, and tbh even when i'm reading the comics i pretend he just ended up moving to new york from london bc i cannot imagine him as an american lmao sorry)

a lot of people who learnt of hobie from atsv seemed surprised that he's genuinely punk and not just using the aesthetics - but, like, he's genuinely punk, guys. he lives in a fascist dystopia (the spider that bit him was irradiated from all the toxic waste the government illegally dumps) where norman osborn is president of the united states (and referred to as "ozzy osborn" lmao) and also a massive fascist dickbag (and venom's current host!). he then proceeds to beat said fascist dictator asshole to death with his guitar! by which i mean quite literally hit him so hard his organs come out ✨

(like - i saw someone theorising that hobie would be the twist villain of btsv and actually just using miles for his own benefit, and i had my own little "he would never fucking do that what the fuck 😡" moment before realising that they were probably just some 14 yr old kid who's never seen hobie before and is trying to come up with a dramatic twist. so i'm not taking it to heart! but please know that it was very bad and incorrect, hobie is a real one and would never 🫶 /lh)

if you get a chance to pick up any of his comics (or, uh, discover them in alternative ways, wink wink nudge nudge capitalism is a prison but seriously please consider buying them from small local comic book stores if you do - that way your money goes to an actual local business & the writers rather than a massive chain store corporation) then i highly recommend - not only are they super fun, but they're gorgeous,

(i know that the covers are always rendered differently to the actual comic pages but i just needed you to all look at these images, please, especially all the intricate details on the second one. i literally paused midway through reading my comic to stare at that cover with hearts in my eyes. he's so cool i adore him)

and they're also full of lyrical references to punk music, such as these (the first two off the top of my head - there are TONS more):

and they're pretty dang diverse, too! including, like, explicitly and undeniably queer characters (note: there's been a lot of misinformation spread around - hobie and karl (captain anarchy) aren't explicitly confirmed to be anything but platonic friends. karl DOES have a boyfriend whom he is explicitly romantic with, but it's not hobie! he's still totally queer though and nobody can convince me otherwise), which is pretty neat.

this isn't really relevant to hobie in specific, but it's part of his universe and i'm a massive daredevil fanboy, so i NEED you to witness his daredevil variant, mattea murdock:

tumblr isn't gonna let me add any more images (sob) so i'm gonna try n wrap this up fairly quick !!!

lightning round of just. fun and unfun facts, i guess:

hobie's homeless and lives in a community centre with the rest of his band

iirc "spiderpunk" was essentially his equivalent of "spidermenace", which he eventually adopted for himself because, well. they aren't wrong. (he got the name for the obvious reasons of his style and politics etc, but also because he can be quite brutal when he needs to be - see norman's very bad no good day above.)

his band is referred to as both "the spider-band" and "the daredevils" (after meeting mattea), which made my little daredevil fanboy heart soar a little ngl

in spiderverse specifically, hobie took 3 years to animate due to all the specific ways they stylised him and his movement! i am not an animator and cannot put it into actual technical terms so here's a tweet of one of the animators discussing it for anyone who's curious :]

he has a van called the spider-van, and sings the spiderman theme song at it sometimes ("🎶spider-van, spider-van, driving cross-country as fast as we can!🎶") which is ADORABLE. i love how cool he is in atsv but i need you to understand he's a DORK he's a NERD

another one for the dork point: he doesn't swear unless he's yelling at fascists (he's instead prone to a good "frick" "heckin" "motherlovin" etc). which i realise is probably just comic book censorship and them only being able to get away with a certain amount of tastefully censored swears and gore before someone gets in trouble and/or has to bump up the age rating, but also it drives his bandmates INSANE so i like to think he just does it for a giggle tbh. again, massive dork

and finally, to end things on a fun note: his current solo comic writer, cody ziglar, made him an official spiderpunk playlist so maybe we can stop having pointless playlist discourse and let people have fun!

i hope this infodump was alright and didn't disappoint fjdnfjfn!!! i definitely forgot (and/or ran out of space for) a bunch of shit but that just means i get to do this again, so :]!!!

[fainthedcherry]

PARAMORE RELEASED THEIR A24 TRIBUTE COVER TODAY. AND I GOT INSPIRED BY THE LYRICS AND THE VISUALIZER.

IMAGE CREDITS BC VERY OBVIOUSLY THIS IS AN EXPERIMENTAL PIC COLLAGE PIECE PRIMARILY BELOW DESC (I DID NOT TAKE THE COOL PICS OBV.)

OK GIANT CREDIT BLOCK GO (Freepik and pexels my beloved saved my entire college year lmao):

1 OCEAN WAVES

2 OCEAN WAVES AGAIN

3 YES A THIRD OCEAN WAVE

4 VERY COOL DROPLETS

5 FLAME. OO FIRE PRETTYYY /POS

6 BG I CHEATED YOU INTO BELIEVING IS RAIN

The drawing though is made by my acoustic arse /lh

THE LYRICS ARE TAKEN FROM THE VID I LINKED. HAYLEY'S VOICE MY BELOVED AND FOREVER DEAREST ENTIRE BAND /POSPOSPOS. I wanna sing like Hayley so badly, she is such an idol to me, when it comes to vocals and I wish to sing as expressive as her some day 🤧✨💖

--

WHAT MORE CAN I SAY, OTHER THAN I'VE BEEN EXPERIMENTING WITH SHORT DRAWINGS, THAT TAKE UNDER A DAY TO COMPLETE TO FIGURE OUT SOME THINGS I WANNA DO AS AN ARTIST AND POSSIBLY COMMISSIONS. + These drawings genuinely kinda de-stress so it's been free therapy too, oops. I wanna do more of these vector-style drawings, that are just me taking lyrics and creating these fun collages, of things that inspire me or I like. It's a chill practice and lets my creativity actually do the work for once, instead of my usual need to outdo myself in every drawing and improve lmao. Improvement is cool and all, but dear god did I not realise how hard my need for perfection last year stress and strangle me tf out. I seriously need to re-evaluate the way I approach art as this massive, intimidating medium, when most artists literally draw for fun, and for me it's been like...A Sisyphean task.

--

If you enjoyed seeing this, I might make a sequel with C'est Comme Ca and w/ Marco in it instead and a red BG,, if I want to, I might turn these into a series, just like those aesthetic icon drawings I made of my 2 boys, started Lotta, and IMMEDIATELY lost that sketch due to my USB's death back in 2022 and lost all motivation for art due to that massive loss /neg

--

Not sure what else to add here other than my thoughts that I already did!! Other than ofc, the usual, MASSIVE thank you to my friend Hollowed-Hartlocke for introducing me to Paramore back in 2019 <3

Think I'm done rambling now tho!! OH WAIT. I can add, that I had to actually pull out Adobe Illustrator just to add stretched text for aesthetic purposes. Then I got so impatient with the effects panel not showing me the usual layer-effects and me being too lazy to look up, whether InDesign was the one, that had the usual layer effects I use in an Adobe program or not. Btw still mooching off my college acc that shoulda been dead long ago but just isn't??? LMAO I'M STILL GONNA USE IT IF I CAN ALRIGHT.

OH YEAH BTW. This drawing took 3 hours. NO I'M NOT KIDDING. PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY BE SHOCKED THAT SUCH A LAZY LOOKING PIECE TOOK SO LONG. BUT I GENUINELY AM RATHER SHOOK THAT I TOOK SUCH LITTLE TIME TO CREATE THIS. TBF I threw MOST proportion checks and canvas flips I do out the window, so there's a BIG chance I will hate this, if I flip the canvas xD ANYWAY I RAMBLED LONG ENOUGH I THINK NOW. JUST ENJOY EXPERIMENTAL ART

^Before-bed edit; Yeah his torso's a TAD too much leaning to the left, it's off-center to the rotation of his pelvis to be in fact, but maybe? I'll roll with this mistake. It kinda gives the piece its abstract nature..I kinda like the mistake?? This is the first time in my life I ever tolerated a mistake I did and now declare it on purpose and will probably build one into the next piece as well. Hell, maybe it'll yield an interesting result. Anyway, it's 12PM as I write this, and I have to get up at 4AM for my train soOooo, yeah, gotta sleep ASAP for school.

I have NO clue again what to 100% accurately tag this, so forgive me if the tags are wrong LMAO, I just will believe what I believe it has overlaps w/ within art-genre.

This piece kiiinda gives pop art??? So I'm gonna tag it as such as well, but but might be incorrect. If a pop-art enjoyer wants to correct me, PLEASE DO. I'm going off the definitions of pop-art I learned in high-school. So I could most def be wrong about me adding this tag in particular. How tf do people confidently tag their posts when I doubt almost every tag I add man. Tagging is the worst part of uploading art to me due to how hard it is to label art really, not meant to be in a genre. xD

Def adding Paramore tags tho bc I NEED to know more Paramore fans out there bc we feel like such a tiny community, when they're literally one of the most influential rock bands of the 2000s and 2010s imho AUGH

[justfor2am]

(wana start this off by saying no pressure to reply to this esp if ur still feeling like shit!! im just very excited so i wana share it LMAO)

so i!!! have started!!! to crochet again!!!!!! lil context ive been crocheting on n off since i was like? 8 probs but ive never been able to stick w it or even finish a project or anything.. until like?? sometime in the middle of last week i got the random urge to crochet?? so i dug thru all my shit but i couldn't find a single crochet hook HOWEVER my best friend was so very kind and gave me one of its extras :3

this has now kinda .spiraled into smt that might kinda fuck me up LMAO so i started one of those lil cat beanies for the friend that gave me a crochet hook last night n i finished it this morning ..ive never finished a project before howd i do it in less than 24 hours? actually its probs bc i put on mumbos s7 n now i refuse to watch it unless im crocheting

^ heres them in the beanie Btw kinda shit angle but i didn't take a pic of it before i gave them it (also cinnamoroll 4 privacy)

i also started my own beanie?? sometime last week maybe like friday or smt idr but its coming along!! tho bc i didnt look up a tutorial i just did shit by memory n accidentally made it single crochet so its taking SO much longer than my friend's

this obvs isnt the whole thing but im too lazy to take a pic of it all LMAO but!! this is mine

i also have two other yarns i wana make beanies out of for myself n one to make for another friend ANDDDDD the friend im planning to make a beanie for (but have not yet) bought me a new hook + two new skeins today⁉️

i have absolutely no idea what to make w them tbh. thinking of making a scarf + bag out of the thick one but idk ab the other??? anyways im SO excited i haven't had a hobby like this since early 2020 when i spent hours every day making 3d kandi cuffs this is incredible

goddamnit now i wana make kandi .also i started another pokemon game my friend's roommate let me borrow his copy of pokemon sword (MY FRIEND ALSO LET ME BORROW ITS COPY OF ANIMAL CROSSING OHH HOW IVE MISSED IT when ive not been crocheting ive been playing that its been so fun)

HELLO I LIVE KNITTING IS SO FUCKING SWAG

ALSO I AM AWARE KNITTING AND CROCHETING ARE NOT THE SAME; CROCHETING IS ALSO INCREDIBLY FUCKING SWAG

sorry i'm excited i can hear out my left ear again

also hell yeah to hermitcraft + crocheting, it feels like one of those hobbies that if u have adhd you gotta do/watch something along with it in order to focus, like i write to music but i can't write without it

hmmmmmmmmmmm what are things u could make from yarn uhhhhhhhhhhh gloves? fingerless gloves? idk but i like fingerless gloves, i "made" myself a pair by cutting all the finger tips off some shitty old ones (i get cold easy and this keeps my old man joints from shattering lmao)

waough animal crossing, idk how friend codes or any of that works but like if u would like to swap codes that would be swag i think 👉👈

[eviltiddyprodnz]

xo kitty : episode 6

the straight out of wattapad scene about has begun but at least it going viral on twitter prepared me for it

also not that bad! they look cute

a man cooks for you once and you have a sex dream about him

but to be fair he was there for her dinner and dae and her weren't even talking lol

at least she sent him a note and a necklace (which he doesn't know about bc damn you Yuri)

is Alex steaming his face in the morning 💀

my girl kitty jumping on a man when she hasn't kissed is so real

the dialogue delivery isn't the worst but 'you're too bloody hot' made me bust out laughing 😭

also do American people actually say bloody as a swear word ever? I've only heard it here in India and the UK

how do actors do this

IT WAS HIS DREAM !??? i take everything back. slay kitty 😭😭😭

she helped him as he was having a lactose intolerance incident and got him another date and now he wants to kiss her💀

Alex bringing kitty back to earth. #real

Study a bit sister, you're failing your Korean Snape's classes 😭

How is any of this for your mom?

Q keeping it real too.

Korean actually sounds so calming.

But i still don't know why Yuri hid the necklace. 😭 Like do you want to be Dae's bestie too? You'll have to fight Minho for that. And if you like him... go ahead i guess but still terrible.

Minho threw a rager to sit on a chair and have drinks with his friend. He's just like me fr

This Kitty scene reminds me of the Nadia scene in elite.

straightened her hair, got in a black dress and is ready to kiss somebody !!! exactly Kitty!!!

Minho is so unserious 😭 adorable

Dae has frozen. Dae exe has stopped working

The way Dae doesn't even know. His sad face is so adorable that I actually feel bad 💀 you're the one who dumped her !

Kitty is the hottest girl now?! slay

everybody's got a flask. babe this guy looks kinda sus though. not my inner mom coming out

disgusting ! Yuri getting dragged by this man. I know Kitty will shut him up but i hope Yuri hears it before taking her fuck Kitty agenda further.

exactly sister! get him

damn Kitty being able to match everyone but herself 😭

either my ears are gone or the sound mixing in this show is lazy because why are Yuri and Dae's voices standing out in silence at a party ??

slay Dae

Dae likes Yuri now 😭😭😭 go to hell

can't even ship you with Kitty now

Okay as a friend

Kitty going through it again 😭😭😭 why is she having the toughest time ???

Peter actually was kinda always there for Lara Jean. my girl has just been toughing it out here 😭

Now she's drunk calling Alex

She texted Professor Lee. Please drown me. Right now. And the creepy guy hitting on her is here.

Oh Professor Lee has read the text, Alex is going to rightfully kill her.

Yuri coming in clutch for Kitty

Dae putting 2 and 2 together but I'm worried that with the Professor Lee text everyone and their mama is about to get in trouble.

Save Kitty!!!

Prof Lee just rude as hell lmao, i hope he got humbled by the fact that no one heard him. Booooo!!!

Everybody wants to rule the world and these 2 people just forget they're here to bust there students. literally what was up with this debate group. who are Alex' parents ? because Yuri's mom is giving Lee serious love eyes

Kitty adoring Yuri, slay

Miscommunication afoot bad 😭😭😭 stop it !!! Kitty thinks Dae loves Yuri, Dae whispering in Kitty's ears and Minho getting idk silent 🧐

he's making out with the Miller girl?! 😭

Dae will actually never ever deserve her to be honest. You haven't told her anything, broken up with her and she's confused and drunk now and you've left her alone again???? Oh wait he's confronting Yuri... on stage 💀

Is this a dream? Who's is it? Or is it real? we will never know till the next episode 🤩

[rollercoasterwords]

Hi Rae!

Have you seen the last episode of succession yet? if you have, can you share your thoughts about it? and how did you thought it would end? I just watched it and it was INSANE (as expected). I thought the ending was great. Predictable but in a satisfying way for me, bc, it didn't felt like a lazy ending even though we all saw it coming. But I would love to hear what you thought of it! <3

hello yeah so i JUST finished it and um. yeah. so

so okay i was looking at spoilers before i watched the episode (as i do every succession monday....i love looking at spoilers what can i say i'm a spoilers guy i love to spoil things for myself) so i did. know going into the episode the gist of what was going to happen lol BUT. personally i did not see it coming!! i hadn't like put a ton of thought into trying to guess how things might end but i was pretty sure it was going to be a "the cycle continues" type thing and i thought that meant that kendall was going to become ceo complete his logan transformation roman was going to remain a dog at his feet shiv was going to remain the woman to the side connor was going to remain irrelevant. so i honestly was a bit surprised by what actually happened!

i did still love the direction they took things tho. i mean the cycles are still cycling of course but i think the siblings' positioning inside those cycles is just a little different from what i expected and so i kinda like it more and less for each of them differently. like i LOVE this direction for shiv bc....wow how fucking rancid. just how absolutely vile of an ending for her...i think there is so much to say about how like. throughout the show at various points she has tried to escape womanhood (as like. constructed by the environment she's in--women are weak, women are mothers, women get fucked, women are fodder but they can't hold the big guns etc) and how she wanted to become her father but in the end the most she could get was becoming her mother. her conversation with tom about wanting a real relationship; the discussion about the bloodline...ik some people are saying they think she was like. saving her brothers kinda by getting them out but. tbh i don't really think she did what she did for her brothers i think it was 100% a selfish decision of her just weighing the scales for what would give her access to more power.

i love the ending for kendall too even though i also would have loved him becoming ceo and completing his transformation into his dead father, locking himself and everyone around him into hell etc. but GOD that scene where he was talking about how this is literally the one thing he was made for the one thing his life is meant for...absolutely fucking gutting and to then rip it away?? yeah i can't be mad about that lmao i fucking loved his breakdown and his pathetic ending all alone with colin following like 5 feet behind. honeslty was kinda expecting him to like. take the elevator up and jump off the building lmao

i'm less enthusiastic about roman's ending even tho like. he seemingly got the best one lol i wanted his to be as bad as his siblings'. like it's nice that he's finally seemingly freed himself from waystar etc but....well i kinda wanted him to stay a dog y'know....i do think he was always the sibling that had the most potential to get out (aside from connor who's like already fucked off) just bc i think he always knew he was never going to become his father whereas both shiv and kendall had a real shot at turning into logan (or at least thought they did) but neither of them managed it in the end. roman wanted to be good enough but i think he always knew he never would be, whereas both shiv and kendall thought they were good enough and so both of them just. couldn't fucking let go

[lieutenantmongoose]

Verse Info: Muttongoose (title tba) 

bc i’m too lazy and discombobulated to fic it rn bc it’s a whole slow burn and i’m not patient like that rn, anyway

*Always Sunny Meme/Sets up Dominos* 

(spoilers ahead on the off chance i ever write this and you don’t want to know who takes a tuunbaq to the face or whatever)

It’s jopson, Jopson gets a tuunbaq to the face he’s okay he’s fine it’s a sacrifice that had to happen just hear me out i did the math it was necessary okay listen:

it starts out during Crozier’s Withdrawals. He’s almost through it but we’ve not had the Laudanum talk(tm) yet

Everyone thinks Tuunbaq is dead and the people said Thank U Mr Icemaster Blanky We Love U

Dr Macca is like Aight My Little Penguin Have U Considered,,,,,,Taking A Goddamn Break,,,,,,,and Jopson’s like Ew Why Would I Do Something So Horrible and Dr. Macca is like Lol U Don’t Understand Im Not Asking Im Telling,,,,Babygirl The Dark Circles Are Not Sexy Lmao Take A Nap :) and Jopson is like Ugh Fine Five Minutes and goes the hell outside

Due to a silly situation involving Irving and Little, Jopsauce is out on the ice when Tuunbaq, as one does, shows up 

Thing is when Tuunbaq shows up u only really gotta be faster than like one person and it is Irving’s lucky damn day

Jopson’s actually okay until he decides the most appropriate solution to being nose to nose with the world’s angriest coca cola mascot is to stab it in the face 

Tuunbaq is like U Go For The Face????? Bet

*Man of Constant Sorrow Plays On Xylophone* 

Due to the wonders of medical inaccuracy and some Fitzjames Heroism Jops is actually A-Okay after this

i mean he’s only got one functioning eye and his hearing is janked up for a few weeks but other than that it’s all good and i mean the fact that Crozier has to just about personally threaten to shoot him before he’ll accept any Agonies Mitigation Drugs isn’t ideal but it’s fine he’s fine he’s good it’s all fine

Crozier’s like Aight Jipjop You And I Are In Danger Of Becoming Morbid Let’s Go To Carnivale And Have A Good Time For Once

Nobody Has A Good Time At Carnivale 

Show mostly progresses as normal up until Terror Camp

At which point Tuunbaq to the Face Becomes Relevant bc i mean Crozier DOES still promote our boy to Lieutenant Status and does still give him a gun i mean why wouldn’t you but there’s an Incident and Crozier is like Listen Babygirl I Trust U With My Life And Everyone Else’s But We’re Gonna Let Someone Else Guard Sickfreak McStabbyface 

Which frees Jop up to have a lil run in with Mr Collins and be like 👀

Naturally Jopson is like Oh No oh Absolutely Not We’re Not Playing This Come On Mr Collins I Think You Had Better Let Doctor Goodsir Have A Look At You

Collins is copping hugs left and right he’s very giggly he’s high as a kite he’s like I Haven’t Slept In Two Weeks Lol 

Jopson’s like Dr Goodsir,,,,,,,,,,#Help

Goodsir is like Oh Dear,,,,,,,,,,Alright,,,,,I Gotchu,,,,,There There Mr Collins

Jop and Goodsir team up to help Mr Collins and it’s all very A Lot   

Bc Collins and Jop are both with Goodsir during the #Execution, when Tuunbaq shows up it obviously does not get Collins and also have you ever tried to kidnap a doctor when he’s got a flustered mongoose and a drugged squishmallow in his tent??? It’s not happening bub you might as well give up now

so the mutineers gtfo and Goodsir is still with Team Terror and now he has a new B Plot to be part of while the series progresses otherwise as normal

And the series does progress otherwise as normal except Collins is coming off the drugs and has both Jopson and Goodsir being like Here’s Some Will To Live and Collins Is Catching Feelings So Fast 

My Jop is still Aroace but he’s like Listen Being Needed Is My Drug And I’ve Been Having Withdrawals Of My Own So I AM Going To Be Weirdly Intense About This You Don’t Understand I Would Open My Veins For Captain Crozier He Wouldn’t Even Have To Ask When I Say I Would Do Literally Anything To Help You Sleep I Am So Serious I Am 8000% So Serious Rn What Do You Need Is It Me 

Goodsir and Collins are like Uh,,,,You- You Good Bro? Jop is like Hey Is That A Bird

At some point Tuunbaq shows up again because it’s sick of waiting on this damn ship to sail too and Collins is like Okay I Can Be Weirdly Intense About This Too and Jopson is like Oh. Oh.

and then Goodsir is like, yknow when he walks in on what appears to be the aftermath of a category 80 hurricane,,,,, I’m Super Quiet About It But If You Want To See Weirdly Intense I Mean,,,,, 

*coughs* they reach an Understanding

So naturally when Crozier gets kidnapped and Little is like Well UwU Everyone Says F That Let’s Go UwU Nothing To Be Done I Suppose UwU these three are like Oh Word? Are You Sure About That

yeah 

[cryptidofthekeys]

CW aka Gift Thief Sona

Oh btw, here’s the uh sona for the whole gift thieves stuff

lmao I legit decided well hes gonna change REGARDLESS of what I do, just like CC, he’s changed s o goddamn much from his og document

sooo... yeah, also with each media Pelo releases I gain a new initial themed character- The Initial Collective grows

also I realized while editing this CW also stands for fucking content warning HFJDKSHDSK- ya know what im keeping it, fuck it we ball

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

| Name: Chase (me? Using MY name again bc I’m too lazy for anything else? LMAO yeah) Wolfe

| Nicknames: CW, Cryptid/Crypts

| Pronouns/Sexuality: He/Him (Trans FTM) and CW is p much Polyamorous

| Age: 30

| Species/Race: Human (White/American)

| Height: 5’5”

| Occupation: Has a small business The Cryptid’s Comforts (he sells comfort character letters and packages)

| Hair Color: Dark Brown (Spiky quiff)

| Eye Color: Gunmetal Blue

| Body Type: He’s fat

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| Appearance: CW (wow, I got CC and now CW …T h e C o l l e c t i o n  g r o w s…) wears light pastel purple hoodie with puppy/dog and flower designs on it) has some mint colored pants that go with it

(they look somewhat like pajama pants) and then finally he wears checkered sneakers that match his outfit (his right shoe is light pastel purple and the left is mint green)

-------------------------------------------------------------------

He has some light pastel gauge earrings, has a silver puppy paw necklace that has purple gemstones all over it, he has a circle beard before I forget that detail, he’s painted his nails to match his aesthetic.

--------------------------------------

Only scars he has is his top surgery scars, has lil fangs (those are real btw), has a BUNCH of light pastel purple and mint bandaids all over him (legit it’s for aesthetics plus I dig OCs with bandaids on em like that lmao)

-----------------------------------------------------

| Personality: Lmao watch this bullshit change IMMENSELY over time, ya know what, I’m gonna TRY to stick with basics- CW is a pathetic wet cat of a guy,, he has NO rizz, gets NO bitches but god d a m n will he try (gonna rizz up that Blueberry dude and Bandron) sucks at flirting, hell this dumbass motherfucker wouldn’t even KNOW if someone was flirting with HIM.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Aside from that however…

CW is actually super sweet, kind, caring, wouldn’t hurt a fly in all honesty… Can be very oblivious to some pretty obvious danger (CW THEY ARE GOING TO SHOOT YOU N STEAL YOUR SHIT S T O P BEING GAY FOR THEM- ‘’hehe, funny blueberry man and silly robot go brrr’’)

------------------------------------------------------------------

CW is super chill usually, seems carefree (trust me, he’s not just carefree lmao) ALSO a lot of people seem concerned for him because he’s got some VERY dark circles around his eyes and his eyes are usually half-lidded anyways, he looks EXHAUSTED but he promises he’s actually genuinely fine! (he is tho legit, he just has that look)

-------------------------------------------------------------

He can also be so so silly …What does that mean? … 🤡

-----------------------------------------------------

| Side Facts: When CW isn’t working on letters/packages, in his free time he’s usually playing video games (now you might think bc of his aesthetic it’ll be something like Stardew, MC, AC, etc …Yes actually but he fucking LOVES horror games the most)

--------------------------------------------------

In fact he has tons and TONS of horror games, merch, etc- He fucking LOVES horror a lot which throws people for a loop whenever they see his house both inside and out (his house LITERALLY looks fucking scary even on the outside) there’s a cute pastel colored house not that far from his actual house.

----------------------------------------------------

Whenever he invited someone over for the first time it legit went like “Oh, is that your house? It’s so cute!” CW just blinks and then shakes his head with a soft laugh “What? Oh no, that’s not mine, that one’s mine” and then he points to fuckin haunted ass lookin’ house on the hill (cue dark storm clouds and lightning)

---------------------------------------------

CW also listens to music a lot, in fact he’s rarely seen without his headphones (music can help him function in general, also,, it helps him de-stress) sometimes he’ll be writing or drawing and then other times he’s playing his electric guitar (never plays in front of others, he’s very self conscious tbh)

----------------------------------------------

I don’t actually have a very coherent storyline for him just yet lmao but I know that’ll change, the same way it did with CC- It’ll change. The only difference is genuinely that I’m sticking MOSTLY to canon, like he goes to that one place to choose a gift, it gets stolen, etc.

(also a side edit: ...i do have- s o m e ‘’lore’’ now in those regards but not sure how many people actually wanna hear that shit so lmao)

------------------------------------------------------------

Final tidbits are that CW has a southern accent and speaks in a soft spoken tone of voice most of the time, only time he gets loud is when he’s talking about something he’s passionate about or his hyperfixation/special interests.

-----------------------------------------------------------

(Bats, Hyenas, and Dogs are his main animal themed special interests, he knows a LOT and can talk your ears off about those funky lil creechurs, but there’s a LOT more I’d be here all day tho otherwise so yeye)

-------------------------------------------------------------

I guarantee all this will change lmao,, he just doesn’t feel… Silly enough but who knows for now

[technicallyblakebelladonna]

i agree with ALL of this fr like. i have only seen full gameplay of chapter 1 (a twitch streamer i enjoy watching was playing it and i was like okay what the hell might as well watch), and from what i saw of her gameplay, it had its decent moments. and when the narrative slowed down it was actually good! but what really threw me off was how.... weirdly horny or utterly unserious everything was coming off as??? the one-off kinds of comments or interactions you could have max engage in??? like, i'm specifically thinking the scene with amanda after safi's "death" where she comes over to comfort max after, yknow, one of her supposed closest friends DIED, and max is very strangely FIXATED on how much of a mess her apartment is??? like i GET it, you could say that it was just max trying to cope in a way that she could control ("i cant control safis death but i can control how my apartment looks"), but it felt OFF. like it was less of a coping mechanism and more of a "i have to clean myself and my place up bc a pretty girl is coming over" like that kind of tone??? like this friend who ALSO knows safi??? and so would understand that max wouldn't have had the energy to clean up her place literally two days after said other friend's death. that was what really stuck out to me in chapter 1, and not in a good way

but that being said, like i mentioned before, when the narrative stopped and let the moments rest, it was very nice. they CAN do the "let's give this sad moment/serious moment the respect it deserves" but like..... it would so promptly be ruined so i can't even say that it was a consistent good thing. like again that scene with amanda WAS very nice (after the weird cleaning up thing), but then the end of it was ruined by amanda saying goodbye and max asking if they could hang out again, and amanda says "you know where to find me" in a very cute kind of tone..... which max's internal monologue was to reply "fuck me" in the WHINIEST most pathetically needy voice ever. idk who directed hannah telle to sound like THAT but i'm blaming them.

and that's not even talking about what happened to chloe and her mischaracterization, bc ur correct. or the meta OUTSIDE of the game itself in the whole "people can change a lot and break up" -- like FINE. that makes sense, that's very real. but the meta is that.... people have spent TEN YEARS with pricefield, like you said yourself. it's not about what's realistic for the characters really, they don't exist in reality! do i believe that max and chloe could/would have broken up? i sure do! truthfully, i think they absolutely would have had rough patches. but they are characters, and in reality, these characters have been a lifeline for some folks. these characters have been happy, have adopted kids, have gotten married, have been through anniversaries, have struggled and fought and reconciled for TEN. YEARS. in the minds of fandom. it feels so incredibly callous that they would actually impose and force reality on max and chloe (and not even in a way that's TRUE to chloe's character -- the couldn't even be bothered to try, instead they made rachel and/or steph 2.0 like jesus). like i know some folks are taking it WAY too far "pricefield truthers" or whatever phrase folks are tossing around arbitrarily as if they are holier-than-thou and proudly claiming that chloe is the worst fucking person on this earth for rage bait. i know people have been harassing devs, writers, actors who arent even INVOLVED with DE, only involved with D9 from prior games, and my anger towards the game and the treatment of the characters doesn't stop me from seeing how shitty and awful that all is. but genuine criticism isn't harassment, and a lot of folks are getting lumped in with that portion of the fandom and that sucks

also, i actually only peripherally knew about Another Storm thing being in DE and that's just...... that's so lazy. LMAO

and the nightmare sequence that literally requires that you need to have played LiS1 to understand it (apparently safi and max "cosplay" as chloe and nathan from the first gun scene in the bathroom -- and also there's at least 1 reference to the vortex party), like when folks from marketing said "you can jump right into DE and after playing DE, that's what will make you want to play LiS1" like where is the SENSE in that statement??? jfc.

and then "max caulfield will return" GIRL. HELLO?!?!?! NAH MAN.

and if that's not enough

so uh. how we feeling abt DE now XD idk if you've played (i have not) but consider this ask the place for u to vent and bitch away abt anything u like regarding DE

OH MY GOODDD

Ive never played it and probably never will but based on the reviews I HATE IT ALREADY. They did Chloe so dirty. Shes loyal af and has abandonment issues and you’re telling me she doesnt want to get tied down????

Also max getting rejected and using her powers to travel to another timeline to get w that other girl???? Feels so wrong oh my god. Like I want to watch a gameplay cos I want to know what happens but everything ive read has been HORRIBLE so far.

Also the storm?? what storm!! why are they bringing back elements from the first game with no correlation at all 😭😭

Pls I need to know ur thoughts I am going crazy I waited 10 yrs for this only to be so utterly disappointed

[oblitus-vulpes]

.

Okay So. first and foremost I think this is worse than my standard reaction would be bc I've been thinking about how I'm managing my psychosis and What The Hell Is Wrong With Me And Medicine (as a branch) recently. like as in very recently i was turning it over in my brain right before I opened p5r. tbh i wish i had a more cohesive record of my thoughts but

idk i'm just kinda In A Place rn. like

wow boys will really just realise they relate to the guy they detest in some way and not have an immediate logical explanation for why i don't like this guy that's not directly founded in Bad Vibes:tm: straight from the trauma response you've been fighting the whole game to get to this point. lmao. and then boys will kinda zone out on the dialogue and think about it.

and now i'm just kinda like... do i keep playing and maybe that'll help me figure this out? like. from my current point in the game, what he's doing is Bad obv. i know it is and it's the thing that's irked me every time i see his dialogue.

i think it's the reliance on him. like Yeah it's not inherently bad to want people to be happy and to do what you can to help. But this oversteps and goes into territory of Helping Someone For Them. because you want them to be helped and not because they want you to help them. does this make sense. i see it as a matter of autonomy, because it's about choosing how you want to live your life (either this is the main theme of the entire fucking game or i'm terribly misinterpreting it). but i'm also autonomybrained 24/7 (biased to interpret it this way) and it's like. my highest priority in anything ever and literally all of my ideals link back to preservation of autonomy in some way. gin lore fact idfk.

and like the entire time i was running around his palace i was just. irritated? "don't you want to live a life without pain?" no !!!!! if i don't have the option to choose how to overcome pain/challenges/adversity/what have you then what's even the fucking point??? taking away options on how to live my life sucks fucking ass even if they hurt. get up coward and all that. (<taking this which more closely aligns to sem1/2 and turning it upside down on the basis of living life without getting to choose how you live it Sucks Ass and at some point just sitting there and letting life drag you along isn't. ideal. and sometimes you should make the choice to stand up for yourself and stop letting the tide carry you, whether it be a lazy river or fucking riptides.)

and then there's sumire. wow. gonna be real she's irritated me from the very start and i'm Not Sure Why. and like yeah since i put 2 and 2 together that sumire was living as kasumi because survivor's guilt. which was a while ago. the only thing to catch me off guard was sumire fully believing herself as kasumi. which brings me into. conflict if i should be doing what i'm doing. or if i'm doing it for the right reasons.

and like wow!!! girl who is delusional!!! me too girl!!! it's easier and less painful to simply live in a state that isn't reality and accept it as that!!! and i'm kinda left in a position of am i refusing professional medical treatment from a place of standing for myself or because i'm running away.

and it's terrible because it's both and i won't stop feeling Bad about this until i finally own up to it. is this a limitation or a limitation i put on myself. how will i know which is which. etc.

i as an outside party wouldn't push someone else to do something beyond what they want because they're the only one that can make them truly do something. me as myself. wow it really just comes down to do you want to be capable. of course i have limitations and it's my job to recognize them and stand up for them but it's also my job to push them to be as good as i can be. am i even making sense anymore.

anyways my point is that i can't justify taking down maruki as saving kasumi. maruki on his own? yeah i can 100%. but i can't justify it as saving kasumi. like every time i try i get an error page. proposition conflicts with Chapter 3 Section G Paragraph 7: Ultimately an individual knows best in regards to their own health and lifestyle and one must respect their decision regarding themself, with the exception of involvement of nonconsenting participants. like i know this is Bad and Wrong but if this is what she wants, i don't feel i have the right to intervene? and i think this is going to end in me having to rewrite chapter 3 section g paragraph 7 because This Feels Wrong. but i don't have the means to justify that yet and it's killing me. lmao

[lizablythe]

Honestly, Eliza isn’t 100% sure why she’s doing this, other than that her agent told her it was a good idea. She’s given countless interviews since the accident, and she doesn’t know what really made this one any different, except that they’re in Dublin and it’s a new season. Still, she settles into the booth across from a (thankfully) unfamiliar face, nurses a hot cup of black coffee between her palms, and offers a tired, but genuine, smile. “So,” she says, drawing out the syllable and clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “What do you want to know?”

o1. Are you happy with the way the quidditch season is going so far?

She leans forward a bit, takes a sip of her coffee, and ducks her head so she doesn’t just burst out laughing. The poor kid is just doing his job. She knows that, but it’s still a funny question to ask anyone who’s played the game before. Eliza shakes her head, glancing up at the reporter from beneath her lashes. “Would you be?” It’s impolite to answer a question with a question. She knows from her rookie media training crash course, but she can’t help it. Holding out a palm, she tries again. “I mean, I miss it, you know? I miss making that big stop. I miss the roar of the crowd. I miss being on the pitch when we come up with a big win and celebrating with my teammates. It’s not like I’m not grateful to still be around the team, but it’s just...it’s different. You know?” The reporter acknowledges this and Eliza continues.

“I mean, if I can’t play, if there’s no possibility, then, yeah, I always want to see them win. I just don’t really like seeing them do it without me.” Her eyes flick up from her coffee, then, a sheepish expression making her lips downturn. “Um, but, like I said, if I can’t go, I’d want them to win. They’re still my team. Still family.”

o2. What words would you use to describe yourself?

Eliza likes this question better. Her shoulders relax and the set of her jaw is less sharp as she leans back into the cushions again. She holds up the hand not gripping her coffee cup and starts counting. “Ambitious. Stubborn. Dedicated. Athletic. Loyal.” She sets her palm flat on the tabletop, drums her fingertips against it, and smiles when the person across from her asks her to...expand, if she could. “I knew what I wanted to do from the time I was six years old and I did it. I only wanted to play for one team -the Cannons- and I did that. I’m still wearing these.” She pulls at the collar of her orange warmup sweatshirt and chuckles to herself. “I have a new goal. And that’s what I’m working on. And no, you can’t know what it is.”

o3. If you could change one aspect of your personality, what would it be?

She blinks. “I dunno. I like myself, actually.” There is one, thing, though, nagging at the back of her mind. She picks at the laminated edge of the table, just for something to do with her hands. “...maybe that loyalty. I mean, I really limited myself during the combine. I didn’t even talk to any other ownership. Not that I’d want to play anywhere else, but you always think, when you’re in situations like that, what if I hadn’t been in that game? If I was with another club, if we’d played the Wasps on a different day, maybe that Beater would’ve been in a better mood. Who knows? So, that, I guess.”

o4. Briefly talk about a defining moment in your life. What made it so important?

Eliza smirks. She points at the reporter with her index finger and shakes it at them. “Now, I know you think you know what I’m going to say, but stay on the line, here.” She pauses to drink some of her coffee while it’s still hot, and she catches the person across the table from her leaning in, interested. She’s actually good at this part -she knows that. The entire professional athlete thing came easily to her from the skillset on the pitch to this part, even if she doesn’t particularly like dealing with the media. But it’s part of the job, and she’s good at her job. “It’s the first time we lost. See, when I was at Hogwarts, my team was really pretty successful. Sure, Gryffindor had our number a few years...” She rolls her eyes at the idea and waves it off, like Gryffindor’s Cups were just some fluke. “But I was used to being successful. When I came here, when I came to the Cannons, I mean, they were in the worst losing streak the Premier League had seen in...ever. And losing? Losing teaches you how to be a better leader than winning ever does. Like, I grew up in that locker room because of my captains, and I think I was a better teammate because of it.”

o5. If you weren’t involved in the quidditch scene, what kind of job do you would have? 

“Have you ever watched football? No, not American- Like, the game with the ball on the grass? It’s pretty similar to Quidditch, actually, without the magic and the flying.” Eliza digs around in her bag to find a newspaper article and sets it between them. The photographs aren’t moving -of course they aren’t; it’s a Muggle paper- but it shows the Irish National Team’s last game-winning goal. “I’d be the one stopping those shots. Do what you know, right?”

o6. What are some similarities/differences between yourself and your teammates/coworkers?

Eliza purses her lips. “Well, they’re usually on brooms and I’m not...” She kind of wishes she had a beer in front of her instead of coffee, and Eliza’s gaze drifted idly towards the coffee bar, wondering if there was some kind of alcoholic option, before pulling herself back to the interview. “We’re all really goal-oriented. You have to be to be in this league. But there’s always different personalities in the room. And I know I’m not -I don’t play with them anymore, but the team is still who I’m closest with. I might bridge them to the management now, but you’re more likely to find me out with them celebrating a win on a Saturday than...whatever Edison gets up to.” Eliza laughs, then, and shakes her head. “So I’m really serious when it comes to Quidditch, and sometimes Greg isn’t. I’m not as dedicated as Robyn, though. And Rhys and I are exactly as charming, didn’t you know? We get on well. That’s what makes a team work, I think. And yeah, we’re different, but the same where it counts.”

o7. What kind of things do you think about when you’re alone?

“You don’t have a cat, do you?” Eliza asks, arching her eyebrows. “I just mean, I do, and so I’m never really alone, because he’s literally always in my business. But I guess I think about normal things?” She’s back to picking at the laminate again, examining the chipped polish on her nails. She’d need to redo that. “I think about paying my rent and what I’m going to have for dinner and if my ex is still a horrible person. And sometimes I think about Quidditch, but I’ve been trying not to, lately.”

o8. What are three good habits and three bad habits that you have?

Eliza wrinkles her nose. “Bad first?” She gets a nod and starts counting them off with her fingers again. “I drink way too much coffee. I buys way too many brooms. And I overanalyze and blame myself for stuff a lot.” She says this all very quickly, and is already into her good habits before the poor reporter can get a follow-up question in. “For the good ones, I’m the queen of to-do lists, I still talk to my parents every week, and I only fight with one of my siblings.” That did earn a follow-up, of course, about the brother she didn’t care for. Eliza sighs and dips her head to take another drink. “He just doesn’t think the accident was his player’s fault, and I can’t really forgive that.” 

o9. What is your personal philosophy?

This one’s easy. The words are out of her mouth before her brain even has time to catch up. “Work hard, stay humble. We’re Quidditch players, and yeah, kids want to be us when they grow up, but we’re just people. We make mistakes and we have lives outside of this game, even if mine right now is my cat and a muggle band. But if you want something, anything, you have to work for it. And once you get it? Don’t forget the little people.” She considers this before adding. “Unless they’re on the team that ended your career. Then you can forget them all.”

1o. Would you rather be liked or respected? Feared or loved?

“Are you asking the players these questions? Can I get a transcript? I think I’m going to be helping with scouting...” In Eliza’s mind, there was only one correct answer to each question, and they were...kind of contradictory. “First,” she says, holding up her right index finger. “I’d rather be respected. Because there are a lot of fans out there who don’t like me, but respect my game. And it’s really the same way from my end. I don’t have to like you to respect your game. I think Oliver Wood was one of the best Keepers to ever play the game, but I still wouldn’t have wanted to pay against him.” It was halfway through the answer that Eliza realized she was using the present tense, and she clears her throat before holding up her left index finger instead. “And second, I’d rather be loved. What does anyone get out of being feared? Like I said before, we’re all human beings as well as Quidditch players...you’re not going to get very far in life if you don’t have people to love and people who love you back. You have to have that balance.”

11. What are your thoughts on Puddlemere United?

A fond smile crosses her lips. She’s done with her coffee, so she flips the mug over upside down. “I hated playing them because they’re really annoying. They clog up the middle of the pitch so well, and it seemed like their Chasers were always coming at me.” An almost wistful sigh follows. “But I loved playing against them, too, because it was always a challenge. The rivalry is the best out there and we always showed up to those games. Even the ones we lost, they were some of the best ones to see as a fan.” She chews her bottom lip slightly. “I’m looking forward to being on the other side this time.” But she wasn’t, not really. Being a fan was awful; she coudn’t do anything to help.

12. What about The Chudley Cannons?

Her eyes lit up. “Them, I like.” Eliza laughs into her palm and watches the reporter’s quill taking notes. “It’s like when you go to school for the first time and find that group of weird people you finally fit in with. That’s what the Cannons are like. And I think our fans feel included, too, and we’re all one big group fighting for one thing, and when they won the Cup, I wasn’t there, but it’s almost like I was.” Almost isn’t the same, but her voice doesn’t waver anymore. So that’s a start.

13. If given a more lucrative position with another team, would you take it? 

“I’ll let you in on a little secret,” Eliza answers, leaning in close and dropping her voice an octave or two. “Chudley isn’t the only team to offer me a job. I was offered coaching, no I’m not telling you where, but it’s not about the money. It’s about having a support system, about being close to my teammates.” The reporter, who has been nothing but gracious so far, seems intrigued by this and asks the awful question. If someone else asked you to play, though...? Eliza sighs again, more loudly this time, a bit exasperated with this whole business. It’s not worth the free cup of coffee. It might not even be worth a free drink. “No one’s asked,” is all she says.

14. Would you consider yourself an optimist or a pessimist? 

She shakes her head. “I’m a realist. I don’t let myself get my hopes up too far or get too down in the dumps about anything.” Eliza points a finger towards her own chest. “The only person that has any say in what happens to me, is me.” That’s not entirely true and they both know it; her accident had been out of her control. But what happens after? That’s all on Eliza. “I’m not willing to believe some kind of statistical odds.” A smirk appears. “After all, the Cannons were 100/1 losers last year.” 

15. What’s one thing you would change about your team, if given the opportunity?

Another softball. Eliza knows what they want to hear, and she kind of consider’s not saying it, but everyone would know she was lying if she didn’t say it. She stands up from the table, then, shrugs into her coat, and as she’s pulling a knit cap over her hair, says, “I’d be playing.” Then she turns to go.