#/)//3//(\ she takes such pride in them i can help clean and kiss them and be so obedient

[catknot]

i cant believe im a disaster lesbian

i mean i absolutely can but,

ive got this girl whos been sleeping with her hoodie and working out in it for like.. 3 nights now and she plans on giving it to me for the "scent". Which TO ME reads as obviously flirting or horny or lewd, and it started on team fortress 2, like.. we were talking the sweater came up like the delphine bathwater being sold and i said id buy every sweater she's got and she told me don't worry about it, it 's free for me

and goes on to say tonight anytime i need to re-up the smell i can just come get another sweater.. and like.??.?? shes in love with me maybe right?? im certainly head over heels right now.

she also called me good girl- 🥺💜🫠

[janeyseymour]

Longing Looks and Stolen Glances- pt 2

part 1.

This was requested a long time ago by @theboreworms and honestly, let me know if you want to see a part 3!

Summary: Your coworkers react to you getting engaged, and you're forced to explain how it happened.

WC: ~1.75k

“You got engaged?” Your coworkers all shout at you.

“Melissa Schemmenti,” Barbara admonishes. “You don’t even tell me, your work wife, that you are romantically involved with someone, and then you walk in engaged?!”

“Surprise?” you try to smooth over. It doesn’t work very well. Your coworkers continue to flounder for words at this news.

Before you can stop them, Jacob and Janine grab for your left hand to inspect the beautiful engagement ring that is now sitting on your finger. It sparkles as the sunlight hits it perfectly.

“Holy shit,” Mr. Johnson lets out as he gets a glance at the ring. “Damn, Red. You did good with that one.”

Your fiancee can’t help the pride on her face.

“Well, I expect to hear all about this now,” the kindergarten teacher hits the two of you with pointed looks.

So, with a sigh, you divulge into the story of how the two of you got together. “One of the camera men was innocently flirting with me.” Green eyes glare at the camera man in question. “And I guess this one got jealous, because the next thing I know, she’s storming into my room and is kissing me.”

“They all knew we were dancing around each other and took matters into their own hands,” the redhead rolls her eyes. “And the only reason I was okay with their meddlin’ is because I got the girl in the end.”

“We started dating quietly, no one knowing except for the camera crew because they had to,” you state.

“And I swore them to secrecy,” Melissa sighs. “Ain’t nobody need to know our business until we were ready.”

“And then… it just became kind of normal, and we forgot to tell youse,” you smile apologetically.

“How do you forget something like that?” Barbara rolls her eyes. “I assume the two of you are moving in together?”

You bite your lip. “Do you remember when I was moving about a year ago?” you ask sheepishly.

“You moved in with Mel Mel?” the redhead’s former roommate asks, brows about as high as they’ll go.

“I did,” you smile shyly. 

“I thought you said you was never gettin’ married again,” Ava states. “Full of shit.”

Your fiancee looks to you. “I think I said it would take a freakin’ miracle, and… Y/N is that miracle for me.”

“Well,” Janine bounces back and forth on her toes in excitement. “How’d it happen? And when is the wedding? And are we all invited? Ooh, is Barb going to be in the-”

“Slow your roll, pipsqueak,” Melissa chuckles with a roll of her eyes. “One question at a time.”

“How’d you get engaged?”

It honestly wasn’t that much different than any other day in your lives. The two of you had woken up yesterday morning and gotten ready for school as you usually would. Melissa made breakfast, and the two of you enjoyed your meal and hot beverages in a peaceful bliss before you had to head out to school. She drove the two of you in, hands resting intertwined on the center console. You sang along to the radio, and it took everything in your girlfriend to not get distracted by your absolute beauty. The school day went on as it usually does, if not filled with more chaos than usual. And when it was time for the teachers to head out for the day, you were stuck prepping for the next day as usual. You’re the last teachers to leave. That isn’t uncommon, so most teachers don’t know that you come in and leave together anyway. But, even those who do know that you live relatively close to each other, so you often carpool (they don’t realize that you actually live together). Dinner was lovely as always, and the wine that was paired with your meal was absolutely perfect. The two of you cleaned up, changed into more comfortable clothes to lounge around in, and then settled on the couch for some relaxation time with another glass of wine and some homemade tiramisu from the night before. You’re watching some corny show about love that the two of you love to indulge in secretly.

“This show gives such unrealistic expectations of love,” you sigh out as you settle a hand on her knee.

Melissa brings a spoonful of the sweet dessert to your mouth, and you smile softly. “What do you mean, hun?”

“They show all the glitz and the glamour and all of that shit,” you chuckle. “But they don’t want to show the everyday realness of the dates that people go on, or the nights in. They don’t show the harder moments. They only want to show the fireworks of a relationship.”

“I guess you’re right,” your girlfriend laughs as she takes her own mouthful of the tiramisu.

You kiss her softly. “Like, I get it… I just think they skew people’s perception of what love is.”

“Do you think we have a realistic love?”

You nod. “Of course I do. We’ve had our own firework moments, but some of the best moments are the everyday life moments.”

“Like?”

“Like… our drives to and from work, or just out to a plain and simple coffee shop where we both focus on getting papers done. Or when we cook dinner together and dance around like fools.”

“Do you miss the big firework moments?”

“Lissa,” you turn to her with warm eyes. “I love everything about our relationship. You know that.”

“You’re not going to miss the engagement, and all of the things that come with a wedding?” she asks you hesitantly.

“When we started dating, I told you that I don’t need all that stuff,” you tell her honestly. “A life with you is complete, whether we have the rings and the piece of paper or not.”

“But like, when you were younger, you dreamed of being married with kids,” your girlfriend says softly.

“I did,” you admit. “But then I met you, and none of that mattered anymore.”

Before you know what she’s doing, Melissa is off the couch and on the ground, propped on one knee. She takes your hands in her own. “Marry me.”

Your eyes go wide. This was not what you were expecting tonight. “Lis, what?”

“Marry me,” she says again. “You’re worth all of my doubts and fears. You’re worth the harassment we’ll get from the group for getting me to change my mind on it all.”

“Mel, you don’t have to do this,” you tell her as you try to get her to get off of her bad knee. And why she chose to kneel down on the knee that she’s always rubbing at is beyond you. “You don’t have to do this because you think it’s what I want.”

“I want this,” she tells you finitely, continuing to kneel. Then she jumps up. “Hold on.”

Your girlfriend runs up the steps and races back down before kneeling back down in front of you and opening a beautiful ring box. “Does this prove to you that I want this? Marry me.”

You look into her eyes for any hints that she’s feeling pressured to do this- that this isn’t what she truly wants. But… for a brief second you think about the fact that you didn’t even know she had gone ring shopping- that you haven’t spoken about marriage in any certain ways since things started to get serious between the two of you.

To your girlfriend, those few moments where you don’t say anything feel like a lifetime, and she almost stands from her place and tells you to forget she ever said anything. Before she can though, you capture her lips.

“Yes,” you mumble against them as you pull her off her knee and onto the couch. “Yes, of course I’ll marry you.”

The redhead smiles into the kiss, and when you pull away she slips the ring onto your finger with shaky hands. “Really?”

You don’t even look at the ring before you place your hand on her cheek and wipe away the tear that threatens to escape from her face before nodding and kissing her again, nodding.

Only once you’ve pulled away for a second time do you take a gander at the ring. It’s stunning, and yet it’s so simple and screams you. 

“It’s beautiful,” you whisper as you admire the sparkling rock that now sits upon your finger. “When did you get this?”

She takes your hand in her own and runs her thumb along your knuckles. “A couple months ago, I started thinkin’ more seriously about us. How I always said it would take a freaking miracle for me to even consider gettin’ married again, and how you happily accepted that answer despite your own desires. I got it about a month ago, and I’ve been thinkin’ about the perfect way to propose, but… I couldn’t wait any longer.”

“This was the perfect way to propose,” you tell her quietly. “Just us alone, in the peace and quiet of our own house. I told you, I don’t need the fireworks to know that I am the happiest I could be with you.”

The entire staff is looking at you with soft, warm eyes as they swoon at the way that the two of you got engaged. Barbara, for as annoyed as she looked when the two of you revealed that you were not only together- but engaged to be married, looks thrilled for the two of you. She nudges her work wife gently.

“Look at you, getting married again,” the kindergarten teacher smiles.

Your favorite green eyes are rolled as Melissa grabs your hand softly and kisses your knuckles.

Janine and Jacob, in their trademarked fashion, begin to bombard the two of you with more questions, but your girlfriend simply puts up her hand to signal them to stop.

“As much as you know I would love to answer all of your questions,” your now fiancee says, sarcasm dripping in her voice. “The lady and I have to get down to our classrooms to prep for today, and hopefully start planning the first Abbott wedding.”

The group immediately starts to protest, but Melissa simply picks up her coffee cup, gestures for you to do the same, and pulls you away.

You throw them all a wink. “We’ll give you details today at lunch.”

“Babe!” Melissa groans.

tags: @schemmentis @thesapphictimelady @marvel210 @itisdoctortoyousir @morgana-larkin @doesthatsuggestanythingtoyou @marvels--slut @gwennybriggs @megamultifandomtrashposts @lemz378 @http-sam @melissaschemmentisbranzino @imaginesmultifandoms @sexysapphicshopowner @lilfartbox1 @maybe-a-humanbean @imlike-so-gaydude @a-queen-and-her-throne @notinmyvocab @melanielaufeyson @dvrkhcld @cosmichymns @sasheemo @m1lflov3rrr @ricejucie @temilyrights

[littlest-w01f]

Family

Rhysand x Evelyn (See Evelyn here)

For @officialrhysandweek

Rhysand Week 2024 Masterlist

Day 3: Loved one

Summary: Evelyn and Rhysand spend a moment together with their daughter

Cw: Family fluff, mentions of struggles after birth, breastfeeding, Rhysand's usual flirting

Evelyn giggled softly, bouncing her daughter on her hip, "Come on, Rhys, Let me have fun with our baby. You can take Nyx when I'm done."

Rhysand chuckled, watching her with Nyx, "Oh, you'll have plenty of time to play with our babe. I just need to sort out a few things real quick. I don't want to overwork yourself, you already tried your hand in cleaning the drawers and pulled on your stitches." He gave her a pointed glare, Evelyn sighed, knowing she had pushed herself too hard today, but she didn't want to be a couch potato after giving birth, and Madja had just released her from bed rest.

Evelyn was sitting next to Rhysand with Nyx on her lap. "Then I'll watch you." She said, giving him a kiss on his cheek, and he melted instantly.

Rhysand glanced up, unable to resist her smile or kiss. He smiled back, leaning to brush his lips against hers. "You should really rest up a little though, my love."

"I don't want to put her away for even a moment..." Evelyn sighed, looking at Nyx, she had given birth to her a week ago, it was quite a difficult birth given the babe's Illyrian wings but she was finally able to move around, and her body physically healed, even if she felt little spurts of pain every now and then. "She's so precious."

Evelyn gazed adoringly at Nyx, marvelling at how much she had grown in such a short time. The delicate wings, still folded against her back, were a testament to her Illyrian heritage, a part of both of them, a reminder of the powerful lineage he would one day inherit. As she cradled her close, Nyx's tiny fingers curled around her thumb, her bright violet eyes blinking slowly as she studied her surroundings.

Rhysand watched the tender scene unfold, his heart swelling with pride and affection. He reached over, gently brushing a strand of hair from Evelyn's forehead. "She is indeed precious," he agreed, his voice tinged with emotion. "And you did an incredible job bringing her into the world. We're both so lucky to have you."

With those words, he stood up, offering her a hand to assist her from the chair. Her body was still tender from childbirth, but the pain was manageable now, thanks to Madja's healing and the remedies of Day Court and Helion, who, out of the kindness of his heart, and totally not because he wanted some of Evelyn's chocolates, stayed with them both a few days before and after the birth, and giving Rhysand some healing teas for him to brew for Evelyn.

There had been so many people who'd wanted to be there for Evelyn, but in less than a day she had gotten too overwhelmed by the crowd that formed, leaving only Rhysand, Nyx and her in their home.

Evelyn took Rhysand's offered hand, allowing him to help her rise from the chair. As She stood, she couldn't help but wince slightly, the lingering soreness from the birthing process still present. Rhysand noticed her discomfort and immediately wrapped an arm around her waist, providing support and comfort.

"Are you alright, my flower?" he asked, his brows furrowed with concern. "Perhaps you should sit back down and let me bring you some tea?"

Evelyn shook your head, determined not to let the residual pain slow her down. "No, no, I'm fine," She insisted, leaning into Rhysand's embrace. "I just want to spend every possible moment with Nyx right now. It feels like I blinked and she grew enough to fill my arms!"

Rhysand chuckled softly, understanding her sentiment completely. Evelyn closed her eyes softly, sinking into their shared bed with Rhysand, "I think I'll just feed her and then go to sleep... I'm getting light headed... I thought I could stay up longer."

Rhysand looked over at Nyx, who seemed to be starting to fuss in her arms, "I'll take her if you need to sleep. You'll need to get rest in where you can, especially how quickly you exhaust yourself."

"I... I want her... I want my babe, Rhys..." Evelyn eyes went wide, her lip tremblings, "Don't take her... Please."

Seeing her tears welling up, Rhysand felt a pang of guilt for sounding like he wanted her to leave Nyx. He knew how fiercely protective she was of her newborn child, with how she had been with Cyrus, and he didn't want to separate them if it made her uncomfortable. But at the same time, he also wanted to ensure Evelyn got the proper care and attention she needed during this vulnerable time.

"Alright, alright," he murmured gently, "I won't separate you two long, my precious. why don't you feed her and I'll burp her after, huh? I don't want you to get too exhaused."

Despite his reassurances, there was clear concern etched across Rhysand's face. He knew how hard it must be for her to part with Nyx, even for a brief moment, how her body and mind were not used to the physical loss of her.

Rhysand's words brought a small smile to her lips, appreciating his willingness to compromise. Evelyn nodded, settling back onto the pillows with Nyx cradled against her breast, already grabbing at her dress, she slipped out of the straps of her gown, pulling them down enough. As Evelyn began to nurse Nyx, Rhysand sat beside her, his large hand gently stroking her hair in soothing motions.

The intimate scene was peaceful, the only sounds being Nyx's contented suckling and Evelyn's soft whispers of love and reassurance with Rhysand gently stroking her side. It took a long half an hour, Nyx finished feeding, looking up at her with her big eyes that held so much innocence it made her heart clench, leaving her more than a little tired as she leaned into Rhysand.

Evelyn smiled as Nyx was done feeding and carefully handed her to Rhysand, "Ok... She's done... Now you burp her... I am napping."

Rhysand took Nyx with a soft smile and chuckled. "Yes, madam, whatever you say." He stood up and walked over to a chair beside the bed, gently placing Nyx on his shoulder. He began to pat her back, making sure to burp her.

Evelyn lay back down and pull the blankets over yourself, "Could you put her next to me after so I can cuddle her…?"

Rhysand smiled softly as Nyx happily burped, she was a very easy babe, which didn't mean they gave her any less attention or pampering, the babe only got fussy if she was hungry or dirty, or simply needed her mama, otherwise she was all smiles and curiocity. He then walked over to the bed and lay her down beside Evelyn, carefully adjusting the babe's blankets. "There we go, flower. You two stay comfortable." He leaned over Evelyn and kissed her forehead before standing up.

"Come back soon..." Evelyn whispered softly, curling around their son, letting her play with her fingers as she was babbling away, "What do you think she's talking about?"

Rhysand laughed softly as he looked down at Nyx, who seemed to still want both of their attention, talking in her own tongue. "I assume she's planning world domination. What else would she be thinking of?" He chuckled again before giving Nyx a last kiss on the head. "I'm going to do the dishes now. I won't be long." With that he turned around and walked out of the bedroom, reaching the door.

"Aww, does baby girl want to be High Queen like her mama?" Evelyn giggled, tickling her to make the infant giggle as well, emitting the same sound as her, "And look, the High Lord is going off to wash dishes, he's so domestic."

Rhysand laughed a little from outside the door since he hadn't gone too far from the entrance, turning back around. "Domestic my ass! I just know that you prefer me washing the dishes instead of you. You can't stand even washing one dish." He chuckled as he spoke, clearly being humorous.

"Ok, listen here, darling." Evelyn turned her head to look at him, a smirk on her face, Nyx still babbling, "I made and gave birth to your little mini you... So you move your behind and be a domestic mate... Also don't swear in front of the babe."

He couldn't help but chuckle at her words. "Oh yeah, because the babe will understand me perfectly, right after having sucked on your breast for the past half hour." The sarcasm was evident when he spoke, teasing her. "The only thing she's gonna be thinking about right now is how she could devour those breasts again..."

"Like father like daughter then?" Evelyn teased, making no attempts to hide her sarcasm.

Rhysand smirked, leaning against the side of the wall beside the bedroom door and crossing his arms while speaking. "Hey! I'm a gentlemale, I'll have you know. I don't want to devour you, I want to... savor you..."

He immediately stop himself from speaking and take a deep breath, trying to calm the dirty thoughts that immediately flitted through his head. "And I will. As soon as I finish the dishes. Just get yourself comfortable on the bed, I shouldn't be too long... Rest up, my love. I'll come cuddle you after."

"I want you..." Evelyn whispered enough for him to hear and he smiled. His voice filling her head, you'll have me forever, my precious flower.

{General Taglist - @nox-ceur @lilah-asteria @paleidiot @dee-writes-smut @adalia-jaycee @anarchiii @alwayshave-faith}

{Rhysand Taglist - @yeonalie}

{Blooming Flowers Taglist- @theskyisbrighthere @mybestfriendmademe @yeonalie}

{RhysandWeek Taglist - @andreperez11}

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Your Savior

Pairing: Cop!Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.9k

Warnings: angst, being taken hostage at gunpoint, fearful of your life

Request by @jessicalynnann: What about cop/detective dean and him and the reader are in an established relationship and she owns a cute little bakery… well what if something happens like she gets attacked but doesn’t tell him and he finds out and is upset but comforts her… 

Summary: You have a little bakery that is your pride and joy and a boyfriend on the police force who you're so proud of. He doesn't have a lot of dangerous cases until one day, three gunmen decide to take a bank hostage. A bank that is a couple of blocks from your bakery.

Square Filled: criminal au (2022) for @spnaubingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

You have to bake two dozen cupcakes, a two-tier cake, and a half dozen cookies before the end of the day and you’re working as hard as you can to get that done. You have flour on your apron and face, quiet music is playing from your speaker, and you have your hands elbow-deep in a bowl of batter.

The bell on the front door rings signalling someone walked into your bakery store, and you try to peek out of the room to see who it is.

“I’ll be right with you!” you call out. “Give me one minute!” The person doesn’t wait for you to come out to them so they walk into the kitchen. You’re about to yell at them when you see who it is. “Dean!”

“Hey, sweetheart,” he grins.

Dean is a respected cop that everyone knows. He has been on the force since eighteen, and he’s only gone up from there. He walks behind the counter and kisses you even though some of the flour gets on his face.

“What are you doing here?”

“What, I can’t stop by my girlfriend’s bakery?” You raise an eyebrow at him and he laughs. “No, I just wanted to say hi on my break.”

“Hi,” you smile. “Today has been hectic and I haven’t been open for nearly an hour. I just got this big order in for a birthday party this weekend. I’m trying to get as much as I can done so I don’t have to do it later.”

“Where’s Maria?”

“Coming in late. She has a sick kid at home, and her husband won’t be able to pick him up until after ten.”

“I was going to take you out for lunch but I can come here.”

“No, Maria can hold down the fort for an hour. I’d love to go out to lunch with you.”

“Okay.” He grabs one of the fresh muffins you made and takes out a ten dollar bill which he sets on the counter. “I’ll be back at twelve.”

“Hey, I don’t need your money.”

“It’s stealing. I’m a cop. I uphold the law,” he grins. He leans down and kisses you. “I love you.”

“I love you, too!”

Right before Maria shows up, your bakery filled with customers who are hungry for your sweets. With her at the register, you can focus on the big order which you’re almost done making the batter for. This whole bakery idea is all because of Dean. When you two were in high school, he encouraged you to continue bake. The school held a bunch of bake-offs which you participated in, and everyone fell in love with your food.

Starting junior year of high school, you started selling your baked goods for cheap until you got orders from practically everyone. His family owned a section of a building in the mall for their seasonal work, so they let you use it when they weren't. When Dean became a cop, you made cookies and cupcakes for all the officers in the office.

Being a cop is something you wished Dean didn’t pursue because it’s a very dangerous job, and you’re always worried that he’s not going to come home. He’s mostly a beat cop who does a lot of desk work and will occasionally do the big things like drug busts and hostage situations but those are far in between.

You don’t like it but you know he’s the best person for the job. He’s determined, he loves helping people who can’t help themselves, and he has a passion for the job. Just like you.

Noon comes faster than you think it does, and you start to clean your work space so that when  you return from lunch, you can start with a clean area. Dean walks in through the front door just as you’re finishing up.

“Y/N, Dean is here,” Maria calls from the front.

“Coming!” You put the dirty rags in the small hamper and take off your dirty apron. There is some flour on your clothes but not enough to cause you to not go out in public. That’s the reality of being a baker. You have flour on everything you wear. “Where are we going?”

“Razzio’s.”

“Italian food. Yum,” you giggle. “I’ll be back in an hour.”

“Have fun!” Maria smiles.

Razzio’s is located in the same block as your bakery so you two walk over there. The owner knows Dean from when he stopped a robbery fromt aking place, so now he gets free meals and discounts when he comes in. Dean still pays full price for the food even though Razzio doesn’t always take it.

“Dean! Welcome in!” Razzio greets.

“Hey, Raz. Got a table for me?”

“Of course. Window okay?”

“Perfect.”

Dean likes to try everything on the menu so he has Razzio cook him up something new every week without ordering, and every week, you end up loving what he brings to the table. It’s not unusual for Razzio not to lay menus down for you.

“So, I was thinking this weekend, we can take some time off,” Dean says.

“Like a getaway?”

“Yeah. My family has a cabin up north that I’d love to take you to.”

“It will be nice to relax instead of worrying about what orders I need to prepare for next week.”

“See? Win-win.”

“You’re a dork,” you giggle and kiss him.

Razzio is perfect like always, and you walked away with a free meal. What Razzio doesn’t take, Dean leaves as a tip for him. You walk back to your bakery hand-in-hand with a full stomach and a happy heart. You reach his police car when the radio he has strapped to his shoulder crackles to life.

“Unit 27, I got a 10-31 in progress. All three subjects appear to be armed. Please respond.”

10-31. You’ve been with Dean long enough to know that it’s a robbery. Subjects being armed means they have guns.

Dean grabs the small radio and presses the button to respond back.

“Unit 27 responding.” He turns to you. “I gotta go.”

“Please be careful.”

“Always,” he winks.

He kisses you goodbye and hops into his police cruiser. You watch him peel out of the parking lot before going back inside. It seems like not a lot of people have come in while you were gone so nothing bad happened. You resume your baking in the kitchen and slide in two batches of cupcakes into the oven when the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

Something isn’t right.

You walk carefully to the closed kitchen door and peer out of the small window to see three men with big guns inside the store. Maria and the other customers huddle together in fear. Are these the three subjects the same ones that the dispatcher was warning Dean about? How did they escape? Why did they come here? Are they looking to steal some food?

You take your phone out and dial Dean’s personal cell and place it to your ear. Pick up, Dean, pick up. Come on, pick up. You get his voicemail because he’s probably busy with the situation he got called away on.

“Dean, I need you here. There are three men with big guns in the bakery. Please hurry. They might be--”

“Hey!”

You look up and lock eyes with one of the suspects. You quickly hang up and duck down but he has already seen you. The man storms into the kitchen and grabs your arm tightly. You’re thrown off balance that your phone is dropped when he drags you out where everyone else is. You don’t struggle to get away in fear of being shot and let them tie you up.

“Are you the owner?” the leader asks. You nod because you have tape over your mouth. “Where’s the money?” You shake your head and he cocks his weapon. “Where’s the fucking money?!”

You mumble something underneath the tape, and one of the them rips it off you.

“Fuck,” you hiss at the pain. “I don’t have a lot of money. You’re wasting your time here.”

“No, you see, I know you have money. I see you leave this store every day with a bag full of it. Where is it?”

“Not here.”

Like hell you’re going to tell them there is a big safe hidden behind a picture frame in the abc with a bunch of cash stored there. You have most of the cash in the bank but you keep a chunk of it here for emergencies only. You’re not going to give them your hard earned money.

“Okay.” The leader points his gun at you and Maria cries where she sits. “You have until the count of three to tell me where the money is or I blow your fucking head off. Deal?”

The fear has sunk in and you start crying not only for you but for everyone else here. MAria is such a good mother and wife, she doesn’t deserve to be killed. Every customer in here has a life, someone they go home to. You cna’t do that to them. You have no idea if Dean got your message so you can’t rely on him to be here and save you.

“One.”

You look up to answer when you spot someone moving behind him. You look and see Dean’s beautiful green eyes looking into yours. He has four other cops with him that snuck in through the back.

“Two.”

He puts a finger to his mouth to tell you to keep quiet, and you look back at the man who is threatening you with a gun.

“Thr--”

“Wait! I’ll tell you!” you gasp.

“I’m waiting.”

“Okay. If I tell you, you let them go. They have nothing to do with this,” you gesture to the other hostages.

“We’ll see. Where’s the fucking money?”

You look behind the three gunmen and notice Dean and the other cops come out quietly with their guns out.

“Right behind you.”

The leader turns right into the barrel of Dean’s gun. He goes to raise his own to fight but notices the other four cops with guns on them. They are outnumbered and they don’t want to die.

“Man, you three were hard to catch. Why’d you come here?” Dean chuckles. “Lower your weapons. All of you. Turn around with hands behind your backs.”

The three men do as they’re told, and three officers put them in handcuffs. Another ones goes over to the hostages and starts to get the out of their ties while Dean rushes over to you.

“Oh, my God, Dean,” you cry.

“I’m right here, baby. You’re okay. You’re safe now.” Once free, you get up and run into his arms. You break down crying and he smoothes down your hair in comfort. “I’m right here. You’re okay now.”

One of the cops calls for backup so that the gunmen are taken away in three separate cars. Paramedics come to check everyone out, and the money that the gunmen took is being processed to return back to its owners.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Dean asks.

“Yeah. They didn’t hurt us. Well, one of them grabbed my arm hard but I don’t think it’s enough to form a bruise. I didn’t think you got my message. I didn’t think you were coming.”

“I will always come. I will always be here to protect you,” he promises.

x

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[oops-all-concrete]

Hello lovelies, 💘HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!💘

I'm back with more BG3 headcanons! Today's prompt is;

💕Modern AU; Ways the BG3 (romanced) companions are idyllicly sweet with Tav!💕

No spoilers! Tags are; A whole heckin lot of fluff and cuteness!

Lae'zel -

You have to be careful with what you say around Lae'zel. Made a minor comment 3 months ago that you wanted to revisit somewhere in the Sword Coast? Get packing, you guys are all booked to go. Asked Lae'zel to get you candy on the way home? She has 3 full bags. Say that comment her folks made last time you visited made you uncomfortable- you have a paragraph text apology from all of them the next day. She's not just someone who wants to spoil Tav, she fucking will. (If Tav manages to talk her out of going nuts with the pampering, she's surprisingly sentimental. You bet she keeps a rock in her pocket that reminds her of Tav)

Shadowheart -

She is so excited to post you. She doesn't like social media and tends to keep to herself, but after watching Tav post pictures of them both, she wanted to do the same. The minute she gets even the smallest romantic gesture, she's scrapbooking, she has a wall of Polaroids joined by a horde of hand made sketches, she's putting together little snack baskets and mailing them to Tav, she's about as obviously head over heels as a person can be, really. She's always got a camera aimed at Tav, even if they're just for her. (A good 90% are just for her eyes)

Wyll -

This man never plays games/gets online with both sides of the headphones in. It doesn't matter if the game is online, offline, urgent, time sensitive, dependent on his concentration- if Tav so much as makes a peep, he's out of his seat and across the room. Hells, he takes every chance he gets to go give Tav some attention. In the drift of leaving the waking world, Tav will definitely hear a little "One minute, Tav needs me" despite them not asking. Some footsteps. And then moments later, the warmth of the duvet being tucked all over their body and a gentle kiss to the cheek. Whispered "I love you"s and then a quiet. "I'm going to hop off for a few hours." So you can have some quiet.

Karlach -

She's one of those people that really makes you realise you have good taste in other people. Like, you can't think of a time you went on a walk and she didn't pick up some trash, help an elderly person across the street, immediately offer her seat to a pregnant woman. No matter how prideful Tav might be or not, there's a pride in the admiring looks other people give her. Little girls pass in the street and say "mum, I want to be like her when I grow up!" Everything she does makes Tav proud to be with her, yet somehow Tav is always the one under a spotlight to her. "Oh, me and my partner-" this. "Oh, my partner-" that. "I'm so proud of my Tav. Ugh, I am so lucky" she insists at every turn.

Gale -

He's a night owl, much to Tara's dismay. Wether that's because he can't sleep, he likes being awake in the dark hours or- his brain won't stop nattering at him for a gods damned minute, but either way. He's probably working, quietly cleaning, organising Tavs things so they don't have to worry. In quiet moments, between possibly making them breakfast because of course he's up that early- he's just kissing Tav on the forehead, gently, trying not to wake them. He needs them to sleep but there is not a moment in his day where he doesn't think: "Does Tav know I love them? Can I remind them once more? Even if its just for my peace of mind?" Because he will not rest if he has an inkling his live for Tav isn't at the forefront of their mind.

Astarion -

If you even suggest to this man that you should do matching outfits, he's excited. He always wants to take the wheel, but also wants Tav to have a foot in the idea. He will give ideas left and right, opinions up and down. He doesn't care if it's a date or not, cringe solstice photos, or just gym clothes, he's all for it. If you guys didn't have matching pyjamas already, you have them now, congrats. (If he's still a bloodsucker, he'll definitely still go out of his way to learn how to cook for Tav. Tokyo Ghoul rules though, so Tav gets to taste test a lot. Only the best for his little capri-sun) Overall he's just unashamed and excited to be with someone who very obviously wants to be his, visibly as possible.

(Bonus Halsin!)

Halsin -

This man lives for shared activity. He's quite alright on his own and can allow Tav their space, but going to get massages, haircuts/styles, wine tasting is his total vibe. Just relaxed gatherings together. Nobody lives a spa day like this man. It allows a level of intimacy that nature intends. Cleansing. Careful. Close. He will learn how to do Tavs hair and makeup if asked. Will take pleasure in being able to undress them and put them to bed at the end of a long day. Go on hikes and camping trips, walks through the woods, carving names into rocks and bringing back souvenirs to press into a book that's only getting thicker.

[mareenavee]

The World on Our Shoulders | Chapter 3: A World of Fragile Things

18th of Last Seed 4E 201

“If you’re going back to the Legion, just try not to get yourself killed,” Nyenna said, as she gathered up the dishes from their very late lunch. Hadvar was washing the stew pot in a basin off to the side of the hearth in his uncle’s house. “You didn’t survive a dragon just to get stabbed by a wily Stormcloak.”

“Have more faith in me than that,” Hadvar laughed, waving a dishcloth around, splashing suds onto the bricks at the side of the fireplace. “Besides, I’ve never met a single wily Stormcloak. Not even once.”

“Not even that Ralof?”

“Especially not Ralof.”

She laughed as well and deposited their dishes into the basin, going back to straighten up the table and put away the remaining bread and cheese from their meal. It was the least she could do. Alvor, now repairing the sword she had brought with her out of Helgen, had insisted she stay and rest for the day. She didn’t want to impose, but she couldn't simply refuse. They had made space for her to wash her face and sleep. They had given her more than they needed to in food supplies, besides, and still fed her at meal times as if she was already family. She wasn’t sure how to feel about that. She hoped they were just happy their nephew was back and still in one piece, and were just friendly, hospitable people. She had nothing with which to pay them back. She supposed she could always send them some of her future earnings, if she could find work in Whiterun, in return for their kindness. There had always been exchanges in Valenwood, and especially in Cyrodiil. Of late, money for silence, mostly, but still. Nothing was free, usually.

“Are you heading out soon, Nyenna?” Hadvar asked quietly. He was drying his hands on a clean towel, which he then laid over the back of a chair. She nodded and he walked up beside her. He took her hands again, but this time placed a pouch of gold in them. She tried to protest but he just shook his head. “No, please take this. All of it is the least we can do. Your help is invaluable. I’m only staying here for a few days before I need to rejoin General Tullius in Solitude. I don’t have a choice. But you do. Your word will protect my family longer than I can, if the Jarl will hear you. A little gold is nothing in return for such a thing.”

“I – I’ll do the best I can,” Nyenna said, shocked at this kindness. She closed her hands around the gold, but Hadvar still held her wrists, strong but gentle. He leaned in and kissed her cheek. Always these things held more meaning, conveyed a certain owing or expectation, but she saw in his eyes that this time it didn’t. She hadn’t known before it could simply be a warmer gesture of respect and gratitude. Eris hadn’t been able to protect her from everything – rather, everyone – after all. This was strange and different, but welcome nonetheless. Hadvar was a good man, and honorable. So few of them had ever crossed her path these last few years. She beamed at her friend in pride and with her own measure of gratitude.

“It’s been an honor fighting alongside you. Stay well, would you?” he said, grinning back. “And don’t waste your skills, no matter where your path takes you. Go become exceptional, my friend. Hopefully we’ll see each other again.”

“I’m not exceptional,” Nyenna insisted with a chuckle. “But as I said, I’ll do the best I can.”

“Sometimes the smallest among us can make the biggest difference,” Hadvar said pointedly. There was a pause in the conversation, leaving just enough space for her to realize it had been a cleverly disguised joke. He grinned. How hilarious. She rolled her eyes.

“Don’t make fun of my height,” Nyenna answered calmly, plucking a stray thread from her sleeve and letting it fall to the floor. They both burst into laughter, even as she pulled open the door to Alvor’s house. She tucked the money Hadvar had given her away in her bag. Three hundred Septims, some food, a repaired iron sword, and a handful of dusty potions. That’s all she had as she walked onto the road that would lead to Whiterun. She turned one last time and waved to Hadvar and his family, the late afternoon sun warming the image of them there on the porch in her memory. -> Continue reading on AO3

[leeyanyanyaaan]

oc profiles: otaharuryu

Otoha Konagawa

小名川 音葉

VA: Inori Minase / otakoyaki

Nickname: Ota

16yrs, May 28, Gemini

143cm / 4’8”

1st Year, Hanasaki High School, Class 1-B. 

An adorable first year. Her sweet and friendly nature makes her friends with almost everyone, it's hard not to love her!

Adorable, cute, pure, innocent, sweet, bubbly, optimistic, friendly, loving, shy at first. Please protect this cinnamon roll.

Deredere/Dandere

INFJ-T

Even though she's friendly with everyone at school, she doesn't really have anyone to call a true friend

Spends a lot of her time after school working her part-time jobs, doing schoolwork and household chores. She's actually mature and responsible, at least when she's working or taking care of someone.

Her parents died in a plane crash during one of their business trips when she was 9 yrs old. She and her brother, Haruto, were left in the care of their tired, workaholic aunt, Ayane Takamiya

An independent and hardworking girl, she doesn't usually rely on others and instead insists to help them. She’s always determined and refuses to give up when things get tough.

Likes: music, singing, cute aesthetic stuff, simple things, reading, crafting, food, cooking, cleaning, helping others, giving love and affection. Likes anime and manga as well, surprisingly, but usually doesn't have the time for it anymore

She loves to sing the most, but she's too shy to ever show anyone.

Best subject: Home Economics, Arts

Dislikes: mess and disorganization, centre of attention, the dark, criticism and judgment, being belittled (especially for her appearance), being taken advantage of, getting sick, not having anything to do or not being able to do anything, flying planes, heights

Fears: being alone and helpless. Aerophobia and acrophobia.

Primary Love Language: Physical Touch, Quality Time

Ota is a very affectionate person, she will with no doubt shower you with all her love.

Loves giving hugs, kisses and holding hands. Cuddling is also a must.

Doesn’t mind PDA but will also understand if her lover wouldn’t want it, she’ll just make up for it when they’re together alone. 

She’s just as verbally affectionate as she is physically. Will shower her loved ones with “I love you”s and other loving and kind words. 

All she needs from her lover is for them to return her affection with physical touch as well. It gives her a sense of security and is how she feels loved the most.

She will also happily do acts of service for her loved ones. She also appreciates it if they offer to help out but usually turns them down because she’d rather let them depend on her to do it.

Ota has always been a loving person and will continue to be one for her lover, in fact, even more so. You'd be a really lucky person to have won her heart. Don't you ever dare to betray her love, you'll never be able to find someone who loves as much as she does.

Ryūhei Akimoto

明本 竜平

VA: Yūma Uchida

Nickname: Ryu

16yrs, August 3, Leo

168cm / 5’6”

1st Year, Hanasaki High School, Class 1-B

A prideful, arrogant boy that does what he wants and reigns power. A playboy that likes to play with people's feelings for his amusement. Despite this he's quite popular for his good looks and status

Proud, arrogant, cocky, snarky, presumptuous, egotistic, mean, teasing, playful, flirty

Tsundere

ESTP-A

However, he's also rather guarded, closed off even. No matter how many relationships he goes on he's never let anyone close. He can be cruel and hurt others if they try

Spends a lot of time out of the house, hanging out with friends and going on dates with girls - anything to stay out of the house

After an affair scandal of his parents was made public, his parents fought often and left their relationship sour. He could no longer see them the same. He's come to resent them and refuses to simply let them do what they want with him

In fact, he created a bad reputation for himself simply to ruin his parent’s reputation and force them to move him out of his previous private academy.

Likes: going out, shopping, social media, photography, design and editing, modelling, pop music, western media, street food, playing with other people(s feelings).

Goddamn photogenic. He's surprisingly good with the camera just as he is being taken by one.

Best subjects: Physical Education, Business

He can speak English fluently, his mother taught him and they’ve been to America a few times. He is also of American descent, from his mother’s side.

Dislikes: sitting in one place too long, lack of attention, following others, vulnerability and weakness, business parties, superficial and fake people, fancy food, silence, horror movies

Fears: the ultimate betrayal that breaks him apart

Primary Love Language: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation

Ryu is very touchy. Holding hands, arm around his lover, cuddling, hugging, kisses, nibbling. Literally anything. He just needs to feel his lover's touch.

Enjoys PDA. It shows others who's his.

Playful, or rather, a big tease. Loves teasing his lover and making them flustered. Oh but he'll also welcome the notion of them taking initiative as well.

He'll take every opportunity he has to steal kisses or any affection from his lover.

Good with his words, a smooth talker who knows the right words to set one's heart a flutter. Although his experience comes from being a playboy, when it comes to his lover, he means every word. He makes sure to let you know that he truly loves you.

Words of affirmation back would be greatly appreciated. He's never had a legitimate relationship aside from those past flings of his. He worries that he doesn't do enough to show how much he truly loves them, or that his lover may start to doubt him. In worst-case scenario, he may doubt the trust between the two of you and fear of being betrayed. Not to mention the scandal that happened with his parents. He'll need someone who will reassure him how much he's loved

As much as the guy is a flirt, once he's found someone who truly loves him, he will fully repay it back. He will be a loyal and dedicated boyfriend who makes sure to show how much he loves you. Albeit, he can get jealous easily and a bit possessive. He still has lots to learn.

Haruto Konagawa

小名川 春人

VA: Yuki Kaji

Nickname: Haru

14yrs, January 12, Capricorn

Two years younger than his sister

161cm / 5’3”

2nd Year, Hanasaki Middle School, Class 2-B

At school, he's known to be sporty and get along with his classmates. A bit on the more reserved side, but otherwise pretty friendly! He has a sharp tongue though

Reserved, chill, sporty, sarcastic, snarky, loyal, mature, protective

Kuudere

ISTJ-A

But it's different when he's with Otoha. With his older sister, it’s like he’s grown up. He tries to act more mature so his sister would depend on him more. He cares greatly for her and always puts her first, to the point he's a little overprotective of her - she's the only family he has left

After school, he goes straight home and helps with the household chores as well. Otoha insists that he should go hang out with his friends or join a club, instead of being at home not enjoying his childhood with his friends, but he strongly refuses. 

Likes: sports - mainly soccer and volleyball, outdoor activities, instant ramen, anime and manga (where his sister got it from), video games, media, digital drawing, lo-fi, mixing music

Has an interest in creating things, whether it's drawing or music. He might take on some sort of media-related occupation in the future

Best subjects: Art, Physical Education

Dislikes: Ryūhei, rain and thunderstorms, (TBC)

Fears: losing his only family left

Primary Love Language: Physical Touch, Quality Time

Haru's more on the reserved side. He's the listener rather than the speaker, so he would have more trouble showing affection through words

This is why he prefers physical touch like giving kisses and hugs to even just holding hands. So someone who's affection is through physical touch is enough to assure him that he's loved.

Even if they're not physically touching, Haru also enjoys just hanging out with his loved one, chilling together, and just being in their presence.

He'd also do acts of service for his loved one, but he'd rather his loved one let him do it for them than also receiving acts of service

Haru might need some words of affirmation every now and then, especially if he's gone through rough times. Haru doesn't think highly of himself and thinks he needs to be better for his loved ones, so he kinda beats himself up about it sometimes :"( especially considering Ota and Haru's current situation where Ota and even their aunt is working a lot just to keep their finances stable. Ota is carrying all the burden on herself and doesn't want him to take it on as well, which although he understands his sister's intentions, he feels like he isn't doing enough or he isn't good enough. Please give this boy a hug and tell him he is good enough as he is

Haru is an awkward boi when it comes to love, so during his first stages of dating he'd be flustered and gets shy easily, becoming a blushing mess. But once he's been in the relationship for a good amount of time, he'll feel more comfortable and open to show affection.

[all art created on picrew!]

[youcalledmeshortstack]

2nd Love / Roles Reversed

They say a person experiences three loves in a lifetime.   The first one teaches, the second one hurts, and the third one is supposed to stick….This story is primarily about the second one.

Home life during my youth was pretty tumultuous.  My parents were addicted to meth, we often found ourselves homeless, without power and food, and I lacked any sort of security.  My father finally cleaned up his act when I was about 15.  My mother said she was clean, but was not.  Her drug use lead to my father issuing an ultimatum; get clean, or he would take me and my siblings away from her.  Instead of my mother getting professional help, she quit cold turkey and gave herself a massive heart attack.  Me, my parents, my two little brothers and my newborn sister were living with my grandmother in her tiny one-bedroom duplex when my mother had her heart attack. 

I met the First when I was 15, shortly before my mom’s heart attack.  He was the cute boy across the street.  I’d find excuses to go outside every day to try and get his attention and eventually he noticed me. We started talking and flirting, and then he finally asked me out.  As far as first loves go, I’d say I had a decent experience.  The First was sweeter than most typical 15 year old boys, he brought me flowers from his garden, made me laugh, and we were absolutely inseparable for the better part of 3 years.  The First and I went through some pretty hard times together, my mom’s heart attack and his parents’ divorce.  We were stability for each other when we both desperately needed it. 

The First was my first everything; my first real boyfriend, my first real kiss, and my first “first.”  He broke up with me once, right before my high school graduation.  I remember it hurting so badly.  But, I lost a bit of weight, dated another boy very briefly, and it didn’t hurt anymore.  Then The First started to come around once more.  My mom warned me, said not to go back to him.  He admitted he only was attracted to me again since I had lost weight.  We were together for a few months, and had some really great times together, but ultimately, our relationship ended in heartbreak (mine).  There were some rather mean moments after the breakup on both ends, but we ended up being friendly and I still talk to his mother.  Even though the breakup with The First hurt like hell, it wasn’t earth shattering.  Looking back, I think my pride was hurt more than anything because I let him do that to me twice.  I swore I’d never give anyone a second chance again…..A promise to myself that I wish I would have kept.

The First ended our relationship for good in February 2001, just a few days before Valentine’s Day.  I was sad, but think subconsciously I saw it coming.  I started spending time with a friend, and she helped to bring me out of my shell.  She was a fiery red-head who was very outspoken, and was so much fun to be around, something I really needed.  She was a couple years older than me, and lived with two roommates, G and T.  I had met them both briefly once before when The First and I had broken up the first time.  When I started coming back around, G told my friend he thought I had gotten “hot.”  G and I had a brief flirtation, but were just not in the same place in life.  He and I maintained contact because he was my friend’s roommate, and we flirted constantly, but nothing more serious than a make-out session ever happened.

March 2001 was when I met The Second.  I was 18 years and 3 months old.  I’ll never forget the day I met him, as long as I live.  There was I was, sitting at some damn party that I wasn’t even supposed to go to, minding my own fucking business, ready to go home, when he walks in.  My eyes locked on him and I’ve never, to this very day, experienced an attraction like that before.  He was drop dead gorgeous.  I can still remember what he was wearing.  I was so used to being ignored by guys, that I never in a million years would have guessed that a guy as hot as he was (is) would ever notice I was alive.  But he did.  Just prior to him walking in I had told my friend I was ready to go home, but when I saw him, I stayed a while longer, covertly checking him out.  When I was leaving, he stopped me to ask if he knew me from somewhere.  I had never seen him before in my life, I surely would have remembered him.  He kept talking to me and although I don’t remember most of what we talked about that night, I do remember finding out he was 24, while he was chatting with someone else at the party.  He was definitely out of my league.  He was way too old for me.  But that night, he didn’t ask how old I was, and there was no way I was gonna offer that information.  I remember him asking for my number.  I really doubted he would call, but was so fucking hopeful that he would.  That night when I absolutely had to leave, he walked me to my car.  When he saw my car, he realized where he had seen me before (I had a very beat up, old, very unique, bright red Buick.)  He said that he had a friend who lived in the same apartment complex as my friend and he had noticed my long blonde hair as he was driving through the parking lot.  Small world, I guess…

At the time, I only had a pager, my family didn’t have a house phone.  Every damn time that fucking pager went off my heart damn near fell out of my ass.  My friend thought it would be funny to send me a prank page and I went nuts because the number wasn’t a real number.  I got several other texts from people I didn’t know over the next couple of days and think I had finally given up hope he would call me.

I was at my friend’s apartment when he did finally page me.  When the number popped up, I thought for sure it was another wrong number, but because I’m such a hopeless dork, I prayed it was him.  My heart was about to beat out of my chest as I dialed the number, and when I heard his voice on the phone, the butterflies in my stomach started going crazy.  I could barely breathe I was so nervous to talk to him.  He was actually asking me on a date!

I don’t remember the exact day we went out; I remember spending every last dollar I had on a dark blue denim jacket and a black scoop neck t-shirt to wear on our date, and then being petrified he would ask me to pay for my dinner.  I had absolutely no money.  I had him pick me up from my grandmother’s house because I was embarrassed about my house, and my family.  He picked me up in his old Nissan, that turned out to not even really be his, it belonged to his parents….go figure.   I remember how he smelled.  Normally I don’t like cologne and sadly, in the two years I spent with him, I never even thought to ask what it was he wore that night.  He just smelled good, like whatever cologne that was, and mint.  He always had a tin of Altoids with him.  I think it was on our first date I found out he still lived with his parents.  I was a little surprised that a 24-year-old still lived at home.  I also think I remember that’s when I found out that his mom was a super Mormon.  I didn’t think much of it at the time, but it ended up causing some issues.  During the drive, an Aerosmith song came on the radio, it was their new single “Jaded.”  I commented that I loved Aerosmith and had since I was a little girl.  I know we must have talked a lot, because I don’t remember any awkward silences, but I don’t really remember specific conversations that night.  We went to dinner at Golden Corral in Fresno (Clovis?) then went walking around an outdoor shopping center and did some window shopping.  He bought me a toe ring that night, which surprised me.  I saw it in some surf shop and thought it was cute, it was maybe $5, but I was completely broke so I didn’t even try to buy it.  But he got it for me.  I don’t remember much of the drive home, but I do remember being sad the night was over and I was desperately worried that I hadn’t made a good impression. In all my nervousness I couldn’t remember if I thanked him for the date, or even told him if I had a good time.  So before I went home, I stopped at a pay phone to call him and proceeded to word vomit that I had a good time and to tell him thanks for a nice evening.  He joked “Yeah, what the hell was that about?” and said he had had a good time too and would call me soon.

I was so worried he wouldn’t call.  I don’t even remember how long it took him to call me again, and I have absolutely no memory of what we did on our second date.  I remember after the second date though.  He had dropped me off at home and I had already put my PJ’s on (white silk shorts and an old ratty 49er’s shirt) when I noticed he had paged me.  He paged me with all 9’s which meant he was outside.  It had been several minutes since the page, so I figured he had probably left, but when I looked outside, he was still parked in front of my house. I ran out to his car, mortified that he was seeing me in my awful pajamas, but he didn’t say anything about my appearance, he said that he had gotten me a gift and forgot to give it to me.  It was Aerosmith’s newest CD.  I thought that was so sweet of him, I was shocked he had done something so nice for me on only our second date. 

Our third date I remember a little more clearly.  I remember thinking how gorgeous he looked that night.  He was in faded blue jeans, a white t-shirt under a dark blue sweater vest, and he had his navy blue ball cap on that had an orange tiger paw and some Chinese symbol or something on it.  I remember really noticing his eyes that night.  I had never met anyone with green eyes before.  I felt embarrassed any time I looked at him.  He was just too pretty, and so far out of my league it was insane.  The entire two years I was with him I just never got over how beautiful he was.  That night he took me to dinner, but it was also the night of our first kiss.  I remember him leaning in and my stomach lurched.  I had made out with other guys, so I knew I wasn’t a bad kisser, but damn, he was just so gorgeous and he was so much older than me, what if I wasn’t as good as I hoped I was?  What if he was turned off by me?  I don’t think it was as passionate as he had hoped, but he seemed to blame himself for it, he said that he could, and would, do better next time.  My stomach flipped when he said “next time.” 

The dates and days and conversations bleed together for a while.  My dad mentioned my age in front of him and I almost died.  I thought for sure he was going to say I was too young and didn’t want to see me anymore, but he didn’t.  He made a comment something a long the lines of “So you’re 18?”, but didn’t really seem too concerned.  We went on more dates, started hanging out at my friend’s apartment or at my house.  I don’t remember how long it took us to have sex.  I remember a lot of making out and over-the-clothes stuff.  I was going crazy I wanted him so badly, but he told me that he wanted to take it slow, that I was the first girl since his last relationship that he actually wanted to take his time with.  That made me feel special….hopeful.  Could he really have feelings for me?  I hoped so.

Our first time was awful.  It was awkward.  Weird.  My first time ever wasn’t even that bad.  Maybe I should have known then that it was all wrong, that we weren’t meant to be together.  I was so used to my first boyfriend wanting me to be quiet and stay still during sex.  I had no clue how to have sex with anyone else.  I was so insecure about my body, I was mortified for him to see me naked.  I’ve always had self esteem issues, I hate my body and I always have.  I just couldn’t understand or believe that he actually wanted to see me naked.  I never believed him when he said he loved my body.  So I spent that night desperately trying to hide it.  The whole thing just kind of ended on a very awkward note.  I’m honestly surprised he wanted to date me after that.  I have only had sex that bad a few times, and after all the other times, I never talked to the guys again.

There were more bad encounters after that first one.  I remember one where he said “I’m sorry I’m not Him” (referring to my first boyfriend.)  That really hurt my feelings.  I felt like I had disappointed him and that he was upset that I wasn’t like his ex.  I think that was the first real sign of his true personality.  He got so cold and distant with me that night.  He knew I was young and inexperienced.  He could have tried to teach me what he liked; he could have told me what he wanted me to do to him.  I would have done anything he asked me to.  But he just made me feel ashamed, like the whole thing went bad because of me.

Eventually we got better.  A lot better.  All I wanted was him.  I wanted all of his time.  I wanted all of him.  I couldn’t keep my hands off of him.  I couldn’t get enough of his face while we made love.  Him looking at me while he thrusted into me turned me on more than anything.  He commented one time while we were making love that he was trying to let me come first, but could feel me pulsing around him.  When he said that I came instantly.  Knowing my body could do that to him, make him feel that way, was a powerful realization.  

Even though the sex got better, he still continued to make me feel like I wasn’t enough.  I was so young and inexperienced, I believed him.  I started to get really depressed and very insecure.  I didn’t really know much about foreplay, my first boyfriend never really had any patience for it, so I was used to just getting right to it.  With a new partner, I was desperately trying to learn how to please him, but in my two years with him, I’m not sure I ever really got it right.  I just wasn’t confident enough with my body to make him happy.  With my first boyfriend the lights were always off, he had no real interest in seeing me naked.  With this new guy, he very much wanted to see me naked, wanted to watch me while he fucked me.  I was too young to appreciate that back then.  I’d give anything for it now.

My parents seemed somewhat accepting of my relationship.  My mom even commented that she would rather he just stay the night than wake everyone up when he left in wee hours of the morning. 

Our one-month anniversary would be coming up some time in the week of April 2001.  He indicated he had a surprise for me.  I faked being sick and played hooky from work.  Apparently, I messed up his plans.  He had wanted to buy a dozen roses and stand outside of my job and have customers hand the roses to me one-by-one.  We hadn’t been together long enough for him to have known how much I hated being put on the spot and how much I hated surprises, so I’m glad I messed up his plans.  He still got me roses and surprised me though.  Because I only had a pager and my family didn’t have a house phone, he knew if he paged me I’d have to drive to a pay phone to call him.  So he paged me, I went to a pay phone and he said he just wanted to say hi and see if I had any plans that day.  I was a little hurt and confused because I was waiting for my surprise that he hinted at.  He said he might come by later and pick me up so we could go do something together.  We hung up and I drove home really disappointed.  Had I gotten it all wrong?  Was he all talk? But then when I walked in my front door, there was a huge bouquet of yellow roses with red tips.  He had paged me to get me out of the house so he could sneak the flowers in.  No one had ever gotten me a huge bouquet of flowers or surprised me like that. I was definitely more than a little smitten with him at this point.  Only a month in and I was falling too fucking fast.  I wish I had realized what a heartbreak I was in for.

Sometime in late April or early May 2001, I quit my fast food job and went to work as a receptionist at a vet’s office.  That job ended up not working out and I either quit or got fired, my employer and I never really agreed on that part.  They failed to put me on the schedule, but when I didn’t show up they said I quit….So now I had no job, and no money.  I had taken on a couple bills and had no clue what I was going to do.  Jobs weren’t very easy to come by back then.  One morning I was going through my purse for some reason and noticed a wad of cash.  I think there was like a hundred bucks.  I don’t know that I’ve ever been more confused in my life.  I honestly had no clue where that money came from.  Did I forget about it?  Did my parents give it to me?  I knew my parents were broke, hell, they were in the process of getting evicted, how could they give me money?  My mom suggested that maybe He had given it to me, but we hadn’t been dating that long so I told her there was no way it could have been him.  Out of curiosity, when I did end up talking to him later that day I jokingly asked him if he had forgotten something in my purse.  He said no, he left it there for me to find because he knew if he straight up tried to hand me the cash I wouldn’t have taken it from him.  I couldn’t believe he did that for me.  He also refused to ever let me pay him back. To this day I don’t think he realizes how much that cash saved me. 

During this time frame was also when he told me that he was falling in love with me.  I couldn’t believe how lucky I was.  We were at my friend’s apartment, drinking and dancing one night.  He and I were snuggled up with each other on the couch and were both a little tipsy when he told me he wanted to tell me something, but he wasn’t sure if he should do it when we were drinking because he wanted me to know he was serious.  I honestly thought he was going to tell me he didn’t want to date me anymore.  I could have shit myself.  But I begged him to tell me whatever it was.  He said “I’m falling in love with you.”  My heart damn near leaped out of my throat.  I don’t know if I had ever been happier than I was in that moment. 

Being as young as I was, in my immature mind, I thought, this is the guy I’m gonna marry.  He loves me.  I figured since he was 24 years old, he would be looking for a real relationship, a real commitment.  He’d made the comment early on how he wanted to take it slow with me, that he really liked me, and now he’s falling in love with me.  Surely, we’d be together forever.  I can’t believe now how naïve I was.  I feel like Naïve should have been my name.

He eventually started to complain about having to wear protection.  So I swallowed my pride and went to Planned Parenthood, where I endured a battery of STD Testing and my first ever pap smear.  I was so scared and nervous they almost wouldn’t give me any birth control pills because my heart rate was so fast.  All my tests came back clear, so I was happy about that.

The warnings started to come in at this point.  None of my friends really liked him that much.  I was told he was going to break my heart and I got really defensive.  I was so blindly in love with him I ended up alienating the majority of my friends because I was always so defensive and miserable.  He made me feel like shit, and my friends tried telling me that he was a schmuck, and instead of really taking a look at my situation, I stuck up for the asshole.  I would have followed him into the depths of hell if I got to hold on to him for a bit longer.

Things started to get a little strained when my parents got evicted from our house.  We all had to move back in with my grandmother in her little one-bedroom apartment.  With him still living with his parents, and me not having any privacy, being alone was difficult.  We had a few stolen moments in a car (he liked to park on the bike path under a well-lit bridge), and once we pooled our cash together to get a hotel room.  But that’s when I started to notice him getting distant.  He started to go out without me a lot.  I was only 18 so I couldn’t go to the bars or clubs he went to.  I wasn’t as jealous in those early months so I wasn’t too concerned initially.  I knew that him going out without me was to be expected since I was too young.  However, my problems began when he would fall off the face of the earth for a few days and I would get worried.  Why didn’t he call me? Was he hurt somewhere? Then he would call, we would have a date, I would feel better, and then the cycle would start over again. 

Sometime in July 2001 he invited me on a short trip with him and some of his college friends.  One of the girls was going to go to school in Santa Barbara and needed to drive down there to do some registration stuff, so they were turning it into a trip to Six Flags and then camping on the beach in Santa Barbara.  I was so excited.  I found out later that his female friend was less than excited that I was going.  She never did like me.  Not even a little, she was barely polite to me and that’s being nice.  She didn’t like that I was so young.  I guess they had all wanted to go out to a club, but since I was there, they couldn’t.  I felt like a little kid.  The first night we ended up leaving Six Flags too late to get a spot on the beach.  We all ended up crashing on the floor of someone’s apartment for the night.  I remember being really disappointed because I had been looking forward to jumping his bones.  The next day was awkward.  His friends really didn’t want me around, no one really spoke to me, and I felt alone.  Looking back, he really didn’t do much to make me feel better, he mainly stuck up for his friends and said I was too withdrawn and didn’t try to talk to them either.  However, that night was probably the hottest sex I’ve ever had.  We hadn’t been together in quite a while.  I was faithful to him, I doubt now that he had been to me, but he seemed to really want me that night.  We waited until it was barely dark and excused ourselves to go to bed.  As soon as we got in the tent we started taking each other’s clothes off.  I’d never wanted to fuck anyone as badly as I wanted to fuck him that night.  Normally I was very shy, but the fact that we were in a tent with tons of people around us didn’t phase me a whole lot that night.  I do remember that I whispered to him that it was really difficult to be quiet, and he said “Oh, they know exactly what we’re doing…..”  Lord that made me hot.  We didn't get much sleep that night.

The drive back from the trip is when I found out I got a job.  A really good job for someone my age with no college experience.  It was full time work that paid way above minimum wage.  I’d even have health insurance.  With the amount of money I would be making I would be able to afford to live on my own

It was also around this time that he asked me not to make any plans for August 8th.  He wouldn’t tell me why and said it was a surprise.  He told me to dress comfortable, but nice.  I remember I had to borrow a pair of pants from my friend because I didn’t know what to wear and all I had were jeans.  He took me to my first Aerosmith concert.  I was on cloud nine!  It was one of the best nights of my life.  I actually did end up finding out what he was up to prior to our actual date, but pretended I didn’t know because he seemed so happy to surprise me.  He was really really cute when he was excited about something, I just couldn’t disappoint him by telling him I knew what we were doing.  No one’s smile makes my heart sing like his used to.  I remember his laugh when he was really happy or excited about something.  It made me happy to see him happy.  His smile was just the greatest thing in the world.   

I started my new job in the middle of August.  While I was still in training, he came to have dinner with me one evening.  We sat at a table outside in the corridor with some ladies I worked with and I noticed one of the women was very quiet and didn’t say much.  After he left, and my break was over the girl came up to me and asked me his name.  I told her and she said she thought she recognized him and when I told her his name she said he was also dating a friend of hers.  My heart sank.  I lied to her (and myself) and said we’d only been dating a short time and I wasn’t sure if he and I were exclusive.  I don’t know why I lied to her, I should have been pissed off.  He had told me he loved me, surely it was the girl who must be a liar, right? RIGHT?  I never said a word to him about it because as long as I didn’t hear it from him, I could deny it.  We had only been together about 5 months, and even though he had said he loved me, 5 months really isn’t that long.  That girl continued giving me dirty looks for the remainder of our training program, and never spoke to me again.

Now that I had an income, I would regularly rent hotel rooms so that he and I could have privacy.  It wasn’t just hormone driven; it was also for my sanity because sharing a bathroom with 6 other people was getting old.  I wanted to take a shower without someone interrupting me because they had to pee.  It was about this time I noticed he was going out a lot more than usual, and started to not want to stay with me in my hotel room saying he had to work late, or had other plans.  I finally got upset enough that I called him out on it.  We met for lunch one day and I told him I needed to know how he felt about me.  His response was very serious and seemed entirely sincere.  He said “I’m in love with you.”  I told him that’s all I needed to hear, and at the time, it was all I needed to hear.  Because I was stupid. I believed anything the fucker said to me. 

One night, my boss made arrangements for my whole team to go to the movies together and significant others were welcomed to go as well.  I got all dressed up in something I thought my guy would like and did my hair the way he liked it.  When we got to the theater the ticket taker gave me a small bouquet of red roses and said he was told to give it to the prettiest girl he saw.  I immediately turned bright red, I was so embarrassed.  I asked the ticket taker who put him up to it, and he just shrugged his shoulders.  Of course, it was my guy, but I’m gullible and a little slow on the uptake.  I don’t even remember the movie we watched, I was so embarrassed about the roses.  I think I may have even thrown them away because I really didn’t know they were from Him.  After our date, and the realization that those roses had been from Him, I remember looking at him and thinking how lucky I was and just how much I loved him.  When he dropped me off that night, I was sincerely overcome with how much I loved him, so after he gave me a kiss goodnight, and as he was walking away I said “I love you.”  He stopped, turned around, and said “You can’t say it like that!”  He was actually upset with me.  He lectured me for a good few minutes on how “I love you” should only be said when it was really meant and not just as a goodbye.  I tried desperately to explain to him that I meant those words from the bottom of my heart, but he just wouldn’t hear me.  He was very upset when he left, and I just sat on my grandmother’s porch stunned and sad.  Words had never cut so deep before.  I didn’t know why I felt like I was in trouble.  Why was it bad to tell my partner I loved them?  I should have ended things right then and there, but I couldn’t.  I rarely told him I loved him after that.

I thought once I moved out on my own things would get better.  We would have our own space.  I guess in my young naïve mind I thought he and I would play house.  I pictured cooking dinner for him, having friends over for game nights, or parties.  But none of that ever happened.  He could have been a grown up with me.  But he chose to go to bars instead because he knew I couldn’t go.  Instead of introducing me to his friends and trying to start conversations to help me out, he just let me sit by myself, knowing how shy I was, and then getting mad at me for being shy, and using that as the excuse as to why he never took me around his friends.  It was always a criticism with him.  I was never enough of most things, and too much of other things. 

In November 2001, shortly before my 19th birthday, I got the keys to my very first apartment.  I really felt like a grown up.  He spent the first night in my apartment with me, I didn’t have any furniture yet so we slept on the floor by the heater to keep warm.  After that first night, getting him to stay with me was nearly impossible.  He’d always say he didn’t want to explain where he was to his mother, or he had to work, or he had class early in the morning.  It was one excuse after another.  I was too afraid to lose him to stand my ground.  He never even bothered to introduce me to his mother.  I met his dad one time in passing and I don’t even think I was introduced as a girlfriend, just a friend.  I couldn’t understand why my feelings didn’t matter.  I still don’t understand it.  Once, I casually made a comment about the possibility of him moving in with me and he immediately dismissed the idea saying that he didn’t think it was a good idea for us to spend that much time together.  When the apartment next door to me became available I suggested he take it, the rent was cheap and the neighborhood was okay.  He said it was too similar to living together and didn’t like that idea.  Eventually I stopped bringing up long term commitment or living arrangements because every time we discussed those subjects he broke my heart. 

One would think that a 24 year old would have been happy that I was acting like an adult.  I had a good job, a car, and depended on no one else to support myself.  He worked part-time as a waiter, lived with his parents, and just wanted to party every weekend.  I wanted an actual grown-up relationship.  I wanted communication, intimacy, trust, and a commitment.  He was unable to provide any of that and somehow made me feel like it was my fault things weren’t working out.  What else was I supposed to want from someone who told me he loved me?  Is that not the direction I was supposed to want to go?  Maybe he thought that because I was so young, I wouldn’t want that kind of commitment.  That I would be fine with him walking all over me and partying every weekend without me.  That I would just always be waiting in the wings for him to grace me with his presence.  Well guess again buddy….you told me you loved me!  You told me that you were IN LOVE with me.  Why wouldn’t I want some kind of hope of long-term commitment? Instead, I get ridiculed at the mere mention of us moving in together.  God forbid I ask him to stay the night with me.  His mommy might get upset.  I wanted to scream at him "Then grow the fuck up and move out of her house!" He could have lived with me, he could have gotten his own apartment, he could have gotten roommates.  He could have done SOMETHING to show he really loved me, and that he was a grown man, but he never did. 

And the few times I did cook for him, he was very critical.  I didn’t do something right, the seasoning was off, or his mom’s was better.  I was crushed.  I tried so hard.  One time I made him brownies because he said they were his favorite, and then he got pissy when I didn’t leave any batter in the bowl for him to eat.  He actually scolded me for it.  Hell, I couldn’t even order pizza correctly.  I ordered pizza for myself one time, I think he and I had only been dating a month or two, and I told him I had gotten pizza and he could come over and have some if he wanted.  It was the very first time I had ever ordered pizza for myself, so I ordered my favorite, which back then was Italian sausage, olives and extra cheese.  He came over, opened the lid and said “What the hell is this?”  And refused to eat any.  He could have asked what kind of pizza I ordered before he came over.  We hadn’t been dating that long, I didn’t know what toppings he liked.  I probably would have ordered anchovies if I thought he liked them because I was always trying so hard to do things right.

Things between us were not great, but I ignored it.  I was so much in love with him I figured anything wrong in our relationship was entirely my fault.  I was too jealous, too crazy, too shy, too introverted.  Meanwhile, he refused to answer calls or texts while he was with me and was very private about his phone.  Once he left his phone at my apartment while he ran to the store and out of sheer paranoia and desperation, I read his text messages.  It appeared that he was good about deleting them but there were a few new unread ones from a female that seemed very intimate.  Nothing sexual, but also not anything you would text to just a friend.  I never told him I looked at his phone, I just put it back where it was and kept my heartbreak to myself.   I know that the invasion of his privacy was not okay, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was hiding something from me. 

As the months went by his distance from me grew.  The rare occasions he would spend time with me usually consisted of him criticizing me in some way.  My self-esteem was at an all-time low.  I felt ashamed of myself.  I believed every word he said about me.  I wanted to be the happy-go-lucky, out-going girl he wanted me to be.  But that’s just not who I was back then, and it’s still not who I am today.  I guess he thought that because we met at a party that I was more out-going than I actually was.  He never cared to notice that I was only out-going around people I was comfortable with. But put me in a room full of people that I don’t know and I turn into a wallflower.   

Around this time I went to the doctor for a physical.  She insisted on making me get another pap and another set of STD tests.  A few days later she called and asked me to come in.  I told her I was on my way to work and asked what was wrong because I couldn’t make it into her office that morning.  She told me I had chlamydia, and I told her that I had no clue what that was.  She told me it was an STD.  I had only been with him since my first boyfriend.  And I had been tested for STD’s less than a year before and those tests came back clear.  I had proof he cheated on me, and gave me an STD, and he still denied it.  I stupidly believed him and agreed Planned Parenthood must have just missed it in my last set of tests.  His ability to manipulate me was unbelievable.  He could tell me the world was flat and that unicorns were real and I would have believed him.

In March 2002, for our one-year anniversary, he bought me a diamond heart pendant.  He claimed I was the first girl he had ever bought diamonds for.  I wore it almost every day.  I showed it off to anyone who would pay attention to me.  I thought for sure this was proof that he loved me and I was crazy for doubting his affections for me.  Even looking back now I can’t figure out what his end-game was.  Maybe he was confused?  Why put me through so much, knowing I wasn’t what he wanted or needed? 

On May 2nd, my mom died.  I was devastated.  He began to spend more time with me and was more attentive.  I was so happy he seemed to be coming back around.  It didn’t last though.  He quickly became distant again and things just felt off.  Admittedly I became very jealous.  I went as far as to learn how to covertly check his voicemail from my phone, leaving no trace that I had done so.  That’s when my fears came to life.  He was talking to other girls.  How far they had gone, I had no clue, but why would a female call a guy at 4:30 in the morning just to say good night?  I was too embarrassed to admit what I had done, so my only option was to keep my mouth shut.  I’m still ashamed at my actions, for invading his privacy like that, and I’m not sure my jealousy is a good enough excuse for what I did.

The weekend of May 19th, 2002, he took me to Bay to Breakers in SF.  I was so excited to go.  Initially he also seemed excited that I was going.  He even had a t-shirt made with my mom’s picture on it as a memorial and planned to wear it while he ran the marathon.  I was very touched by the sentiment.    That trip was an absolute fucking nightmare.  Once again, I embarrassed him.  He took me to San Francisco when I was 19 years old.  He was 25 by this time.  His plan was for him to run the marathon with his friends and I was to meet them at the finish line.  But did he do any research on bus schedules or taxis to get me to the finish line? Nope.  Didn’t care how I got there.  When my anxiety got out of control and I started crying, his female friend got mad at me and suggested that I shouldn’t have even come on the trip.  We finally got it sorted out, and I got on the right buses to make it to the finish line in time, but what kind of man leaves his 19 year old girlfriend alone in San Francisco?  Sure, technically I was an adult, but I had never been alone in a big city before.  He knew that.  He also knew that I didn’t have a computer and didn’t know my way around San Francisco.  He had done Bay to Breakers for several years in a row at this point, and had access to a computer.  He could have helped me, but instead he let me struggle and then made me feel bad about it. How hard would it have been for him to get the information ahead of time so that he was sure I would be able to get where I needed to go safely?  Just another thing, in a long line of things, that show me now what I couldn’t or wouldn’t see back then.  He never loved me.

It continued to get worse between us.  He went as far as to mention that we should take a break, but he knew I didn’t really believe in second chances and he didn’t want to lose me.  We stayed together but the relationship was very strained.  Sometime in September 2002, we went to a movie and on the drive there he barely said a word to me, and he didn’t attempt to touch me or hold my hand during the entirety of the movie, which was out of character for him.  I mentioned that to him on my way to drop him back off at his house, and he said he thought he’d leave me alone because he knew I had a crush on the main character and wanted me to enjoy the movie.  I didn’t buy it.  When we got to his house, I told him he could have his break.  I asked if he wanted to date other people, or if the break was truly just to get some space.  He told me that he didn’t want to date anyone else and just needed time to think.  He actually cried, so I believed every bullshit line he fed me that night.  I cried all night and didn’t go to work the next day.  My heart was shattered.  He continued to text me and keep in somewhat regular contact, but nothing in person.  My depression became so bad I was afraid to be home alone and I started spending as much time as I could with my aunt or grandmother so that my mind was occupied.  I had long since alienated all my friends because I was so defensive about my relationship. 

As embarrassed as I am by my actions now, I continued to check his voicemail.  One night he got a message from a girl, with whom I share a first name, stating that she felt things were moving too fast, and she didn’t know if she wanted anything serious because she was moving away.  I don’t think I had ever felt worse pain.  My world was crashing down around me.  I realize we were taking time apart from each other, but he constantly insisted he was not dating anyone else.  When I got the courage to confront him (although not how I knew) he denied it.  He refused to admit he knew who the girl was, and once again made me feel insane.  I knew he was lying, and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell the truth and tell him I heard the voicemail.  I asked for my house key back and he said he didn’t want to give it back, that he still wanted to try to work things out, and having my key helped him “stay strong.” I idiotically believed he kept the key because still loved me, and not as a manipulation tactic to keep me waiting in the wings for when he wanted to play with me again.

I did finally confess to him that I had been checking his voicemails and knew he was lying about the girl with my same name.  This forced him to acknowledge she was the reason he had wanted the break.  He told me the first time he saw her was while he was on a lunch date with me.  He thought she was attractive and when he saw her a few days later at the grocery store he had gone up to her and asked for her number. 

Finding out that he had a fling with a girl that had the same name as me, a girl he first saw WHILE ON A FUCKING DATE WITH ME, was soul crushing.  And he tried to lie about it.  If I hadn’t known how to check his voicemail, I would have never known about the girl.  He never would have told me.  When she moved away, he would have come back to me until the next one came along.  Which is what he did anyway.  He never did tell me exactly what happened between them.  He said they made out, but I’m sure he was lying, since he lied about pretty much everything else.  I can’t imagine a girl saying things were moving too fast after just making out with a guy.  I certainly never have.  Maybe he told the truth, but probably not.  It’s just the sheer audacity that he fucking saw her for the first time while he was on a date with me, HIS FUCKING GIRLFRIEND. 

I don’t exactly remember how long we stayed separated, but eventually we got back together.  Our relationship remained tense and he stayed distant. 

For Valentine’s Day in 2003 I got him a Polaroid Camera and let him take pictures of me naked.  My hope in letting him do that was that maybe he would stop cheating on me, and that he would look at those pictures when he wasn’t physically with me and want me the way I wanted him.  I was so, so young, and so fucking naïve.

We celebrated our 2nd anniversary in March 2003 and he bought me another diamond heart pendant.  He seemed sincere when he gave it to me and told me he loved me, but everything still felt wrong. 

We didn’t last much longer.  I don’t remember exactly when he broke up with me but I believe it was in late April or early May of that year.  I know it was around that time because it was before Bay to Breakers and he really didn’t want me to go.  I remember the painful encounter of him coming to my apartment to get his things. I asked for the Polaroids back, and he did give them back, but not before telling me he didn’t need the originals anyway because he had scanned them onto his computer.  I felt cheap.  It was almost like an assault.  He could look at me whenever he wanted, but I couldn’t look at him anymore.  He had the audacity to say he hoped we could remain friends.  What the fuck?  This man was breaking me and wanted to be my friend? Was he stupid? He looked over his things and asked where an afghan was that I had crocheted for him.  I told him I was keeping it because I didn’t think he would want it.  He never even bothered to take it home, probably so his mother wouldn’t ask where it came from.  Why did he want it now?  He said he really liked the blanket, and I had made it for him, so he would like to take it.  I gave in and got it out of my closet and let him take it.  I’m sure it ended up in the trash. 

Once he told me about giving a ride home from a party to a girl who lived a block away from him and he even showed me where she lived.  One night very soon after he left me, I had this feeling that he was with her.  I couldn’t explain the feeling if I tried.  I just knew he was with her.  He never once said anything to me that suggested she was more than an acquaintance, but I felt in my gut he was with her.  So at 4 in the morning, I drove by her house.  His Jeep was parked out front.  He had already broken up with me, so the rage that followed was unjustified, but I felt it just the same.  One of my chief complaints throughout our entire relationship was that he wouldn’t spend the night at my house.  Yet we’re apart for less than a month and he’s already staying the night at another girl’s house?  I called him on it. I don’t remember what he said exactly.  He tried to say he just crashed at her house and that nothing happened.  But I’d heard that before.  I continued to listen to his voicemail for a little while after we broke up.  I finally admitted this to him and I asked if he would be willing to change his password so that I couldn’t anymore.  He agreed.  At least then I wouldn’t have proof that he was out living his life ignorant to the fact I was heartbroken, and I would no longer have the option to invade his privacy.

I was utterly and completely broken, I sobbed until I had no voice left.  I refused to sleep in my apartment alone, and regularly stayed on my grandmother’s couch and had to take massive amounts of sleep aids just to get a couple hours of sleep.  I barely ate, and missed so much work that I almost lost my job.  I even had to move out of my apartment and back in with my grandmother, because I couldn’t afford my rent anymore due to not working.  I had lost all my friends because I was so engrossed in my relationship with him and had been so consumed by jealousy that I was hard to be around.  I was so alone.  I began seeking relationships online with anyone who would give me attention. 

I agreed to a date with someone.  His profile photo seemed like he was decent looking, however, when I met him in person, I realized he looked nothing like his profile picture and I was not at all attracted to him.  But he seemed nice enough, he had a job, and didn’t live with his parents.  He lived with roommates, so it was a relief that at least I wasn’t being hidden from anyone.  The new guy and I dated for a month or so, and I spent a lot of time at his house with him and his roommates trying to forget how depressed I was. 

When I was trying to move on after the break up, The Ex saw me out late one night and decided to text me.  Why couldn’t he just let me be?  Every time he would contact me my heart dropped.  Why did he need to know what I was up to?  He left me.  Then when he finds out I’m going out and actually having a good time, he decides we should meet up and have coffee or something. Then he asked me to dinner.  Then we went to the movies.  Then we went to dinner again.  Then he came over and fucked me.  Then we went to Six Flags together and he got us a hotel room where he fucked me again, and in the morning when I woke up, he was trying to use my camera phone to take a picture of my tits while I was asleep.  Like, what???!!!  And during those times, unbeknownst to me, he was with the girl he ended up marrying.  I wonder if she ever knew he was still fucking me. I bet she didn’t.

I knew it was over for sure when we took the trip to Six Flags together.  He made me feel bad the entire trip.  It was in mid-August 2003 when we went and it was extremely hot.  He got frustrated with me when I was tired or thirsty and commented on how he wished he had someone who could run around the park with him and not need so many breaks.  That night when we were driving home I fell asleep.  I remember him stopping for gas and he asked me to drive because he was tired.  I was being an asshole and told him I couldn’t because I was too sleepy.  That was a dick move, I should have driven the rest of the way home, and I don’t have a valid excuse for why I refused, other than trying to get back at him for being such an ass to me all day.  When we finally got back home he gave me a kiss on the forehead and said he would call me later.  He didn’t.  That trip was the last time I ever saw him in person.  We continued to chat online, every ounce of me hoping he’d come back.  But I soon learned he had been seeing someone else for several months, and he told me the reason he had agreed to the Six Flags trip was to see if he still had feelings for me, or if he wanted to be with the new girl.

He was beautiful.  He is still beautiful.  I see a picture of him online and still get breathless remembering when he looked at me with those amazing green eyes, when we would make eye contact while we were making love.  I get breathless, and sick, and dizzy remembering those same green eyes when I no longer saw one single shred of emotion in them.

I will never as long as I live understand why.  I was 18 fucking years old.  He was a grown man.  Did he really have no idea that I could fall in love with him as hard as I did?  I feel like I let him ruin me.  I just sat back and let it happen.  I never stood up for myself, I just accepted all his criticisms and took the blame for all of it. 

I’m not pretending I’m a total victim.  I was just as toxic as he was.  I was very young and naïve and my jealousy got the best of me.  Checking his voicemails was borderline psychotic, but I didn’t know how else to get the truth.  He wouldn’t introduce me to his family, his friends didn’t like me, no one was on my side.  I could feel in my very core that he was lying to me and he denied it every step of the way. But you know what? I was fucking right.  Always trust your gut.  At least he taught me that much.

I’ve never been an easy person to love and I’m very aware of that fact. I knew in my gut that he would only be mine temporarily and that drove me to the brink of madness.  He frequently let me know he was not serious about a commitment with me.  He’d make comments he thought were funny, saying things like I’d make a good first wife.  I laughed on the outside, but it broke my heart whenever he said those things.   I wish I would have really listened to him.  I guess he was being honest, and trying to tell me the truth all a long and I just didn’t get it.

I truly don’t remember him ever apologizing or accepting any responsibility in our break up – correction -  his - break up.  I remember him placing it all squarely on me.  I was too jealous, too clingy, too insecure, not confident enough, too introverted, not spontaneous enough, not energetic enough.  But instead of trying to help me through those issues, he left me.  And that would have been fine, if he had just made a clean break, cut off all contact, but he didn’t.  He strung me along for MONTHS.  Didn’t tell me when he got engaged, I didn’t even know he was getting married, yet he was still offering me his “services.”  What. The. Actual. Fuck??? 

After I had been dating my, now husband, for about 8 or 9 months, and he and I had been living together for a bit, I stupidly confessed to the Ex that I had not yet been intimate with my new partner, and I was a little sexually frustrated.  That’s when the Ex offered his “services” to me.  I asked about his girlfriend and his reply was that she wasn’t the boss of him, and said that besides, I was way sexier than her, but she was really smart.  What kind of bullshit statement was that?  I didn’t even realize until now he basically said I was pretty, but dumb.  That was the last conversation I ever had with him.  No way was I going to cheat on my partner, not with a guy who had a girlfriend and would just break me all over again.  That last conversation was had on AOL Instant Messenger.  I copied and pasted the entire conversation and burned it onto a CD as proof he said what he did.  I’ve long since lost that CD, but when I had it, I would read that statement over and over.  I thought it was a compliment at the time because he said I was sexy.  That’s how fucked up in the head I am. 

I knew when he talked about his then girlfriend, fiancé, wife, whatever the fuck she was, that she was too good for him.  He wasn’t really happy.  He complained about her crying for no reason one time. I hope she was the one who left him, but I suspect it was probably the other way around seeing as the woman he is with now appears to be a coworker. 

I’m not proud to admit I looked at his social media accounts.  I’m even more embarrassed that I looked at his ex-wife’s.  (Clarification: I did not hack their accounts, simply viewed their public profiles) I saw the pictures she posted of him, he never looked happy.  Even a photo of after the birth of their first son, he looked resentful.  I realize it might have been a long labor, and they were probably exhausted, but I knew him well enough to know what resentment looked like in his eyes.  He had given that very look to me numerous times.  Later, when their son was a little bit older, his wife posted a picture of the baby, with Him in the background, again, looking resentful.  I never once saw a photo that she posted where he looked like a loving husband or father.  So if I was so “sexy” what did she have that I didn’t?  Was it because she was older? Was it really because he thought I was stupid and couldn’t hold a conversation?  She got to meet his family.  She got to really be introduced to his friends.  Looking back, maybe I was an embarrassment.  I was really young.  I think he just saw long blonde hair and big tits and that’s all I was good for. He probably thought of me as a kid, someone not worthy of the empty words he spoke to me, someone to pass time with until someone better came a long.

I’m also very ashamed of the fact that I still try to keep up with what he’s doing.  I shouldn’t care.  I shouldn’t know.  I shouldn’t know that he got married, had 2 sons, got divorced and has been with another woman for years now.  I shouldn’t know that she’s gorgeous and appears to be the type of woman he said he wanted me to be.  I shouldn’t know any of that.  But I do.  And it fucking hurts.  I don’t know how to cleanse myself of him.  I have tried for 20 fucking years with no luck.  I can go months without even thinking of him, but then my brain fucks everything up and I dream about him.  I dream about him coming back, about him making love to me, about him kissing me, holding me, loving me.   Then I wake up and re-live the heartbreak all over again like some sick fucking joke. 

I wish I knew what keeps me from finally moving on.  I can see clear as day, how poorly we treated each other.  I can see how he manipulated and gaslit me.  I was horrible too, at times.  I was hurt and confused and I lashed out to get his attention any way I could.  By the end I was flat out desperate to get him back.  I faked being suicidal for fuck’s sake.  I did that because I remember him telling me about his first girlfriend doing that to him.  So I thought if it worked for her, it might work for me too.  My desperate actions, especially at the end of our relationship are inexcusable.  I know that now.  I admit that.  I admitted it even back then and apologized for it. He never has.

One thing I will never understand, and maybe this is part of the reason I can’t move on, is why he would never tell me the truth.  I truly believe it would have helped me get over him.  If I knew the extent of just how many times he cheated on me.  How many times he lied to me.  Did he ever have any real feelings for me at all?  Or was he just telling me what I wanted to hear so he could keep fucking me?  I really feel that he only ever saw my tits.  I bought an outfit once, I felt really confident in it.  It was a blue, sweater-like mock turtle neck and a pair of form fitting capri jeans.  I LOVED that outfit.  I loved to pair it with the gold/diamond heart pendent he had gotten me for our first anniversary.  He hated that outfit and made sure I knew it.  He said it “hid” everything.  So on one hand, he was telling me he wanted me to be more confident, but then when I was, I did it wrong.  I did almost everything wrong. 

I just don’t know why he stayed for over two years.  Two years may seem like such an insignificant amount of time to most people, but to someone as young as I was, it was a long time.  I thought it meant he was serious about me. I stupidly believed he would marry me one day, even though his actions and even his words assured me he would not.  What pleasure, other than sex, did he get from our relationship?  It’s apparent that I never made him happy.  Was the sex really that good?  Did my body turn him on that much?  Was it because I was so desperate and willing to wait for him?  Was it so he knew he was never truly alone? That he always had someone to call when he was lonely? I just can’t figure it out.  And I’m afraid that until I have the answers to these questions, I’m doomed to repeat this fucking cycle until the day I die. 

Two of the most heartbreaking years of my life.  I know, I know, I’m being dramatic.  Probably too much so.  But this is me, this is how I really feel on the inside.  I’ve never been able to really vent to anyone. I’m too ashamed to admit all of this to another person.  How fucked up am I that I still have feelings for someone I dated for a very short amount of time 20 years ago? 

I’m not sure any amount of therapy will ever be able to fix me. What I need is answers.  Answers I’ll never get.  That time period did not mean to him what it meant to me.  His memories of me are gone by now.  For him, I’m a shadow in a dust covered corner of his mind.  I’d really like to know the last time I actually crossed his mind.  Was it a good thought? A bad thought?  Was he telling someone how crazy I was? How insecure and jealous and immature I acted?  Has he ever said anything nice about me to anyone?  I doubt it.  I’m sure after our last conversation on AOL 17 years ago he never really thought about me again.  He finally got rid of me.  But how do I get rid of him? 

I realize how pathetic I am.  I really do.  But it doesn’t stop me from feeling these feelings. Believe me, if I could turn them off, I would in a heartbeat.  I may also seem to be overly exaggerating my feelings for him, but I can assure you, I am not.  I’ve had other relationships, I’ve known other love, nothing ever compared to the love I feel toward him. I also know that I’m the one who broke my own heart, by not being stronger, more mature. 

I really don’t intend to make him seem like a monster.  I’m sure that whoever he is with now has a better version of him.  At least for her sake, I hope she does.  I need to come to terms with the fact that he was never mine, we weren’t good together.  He never loved me.  Marriage, family, and kids were not our future together.  Why he made me believe he loved me is beyond me.  One of my life’s greatest mysteries.  And I will spend the rest of my years wondering why. I’m sure it was just as horrible for him as it was for me if I’m being honest.  I’m sure he saw all my flaws and was genuinely upset by them.  I know he was frustrated.  But my real question is, why stay?  Both of us are to blame for that one.  I wish I would have been mature enough to realize that our relationship was toxic and borderline abusive, I wish that he had been honest enough to admit to the damage he was inflicting upon me at such a young age. I wish that it had been me.  I wish that it had been us.  Too many wishes and no genie. 

If I could change one thing about my life, it would be him.  As long as I knew it wouldn’t alter any other thing in my life as it is now, other than the pain I feel, I would go back in time and miss that damn party.  I would never have met him.  To him, I would have just been the girl with the long blonde hair that drove the bright red Buick, but to me, he would be nothing.  I would have been his “what if.” The roles reversed. 

[inside-a-sinners-mind]

Hi. I mean, Hell-o.

Whats in the word Hi? To many beginnings, and how many goodbyes? I never say goodbye, i dont do funerals, and i dont go to graves. Death is the permant fear of me., and the craziest thign is that im not afraid to di, but im more afraid that live will go on without me and that no one will even notice that im no longer living. Im existing, im a hollow damn near empty shell of whom i used to be. Pain. it didnt change me, emotinally was already dead inside form the lack of love or care. or maybe i was just blind to those who truly loved me, and now that everything around me reeks of failure do i truly start to see that everythign in me is spewing hatred for the living and those whom can be free. I have hoped for many things in life but the one thing i wanted was to be loved. Just honest love, someone to look at me every single day and tell me that i will always come back for you, and mean it. TO Never be the joker or butt of the jokes for loving someone and proudly looking stupid. I have had it too many times...or so i thought. Maybe this was the hardest chess games and queen beat rook everytime because i started to focus on me. ho selfish, yup ho, the word that everyone uses to describe me because i finally comfortable in my body. only took me 28 years, to find clothes that fit and were me, not somones handme down, or my mother butt floss, or my cousin who idolized the most, for not letting me slide. Actually all of them Osss, they kept the world spinning for a sinner like me, someone who knew all the darkness but always kept the light in. until i was alone with one friend, laughing and having a spill of lemonade telling them the horrors i thought was normal. I never knew a better Bear, Kitty, and Taco Flavored kisses, but my Lonely island was the one i never thought was an oppenant, she was literally my everything, and i lost it all in one swing, because i need to let it out. She did what she thought was right i guess, but i had never used my hands to cause harm...since i was provisioned that way. I hated the pool but them it became my transperncy circle. I could lay in the water and be clean, but it somehow triggered me to be dirty. I never think about savannah, because all i remeber is 3 reds and a little boy who just wanted to swim, and a little girl who wanted to know what the biggest secret was. Kuriousity, Kills every searching soul link, when i search for it i find it. Never takes me long, Ol' Red, was the athemn that i didnt really understand, Love will always be the weak link in human society; show me affection and my legs fly, and all rational thinking goes out the window. To be loved, to be free, to be me, something i can never be again, for i couldnt breathe, but i made it, but i couldnt see, but you made it, i still feel him lingering, but hes a ghost, but i,....like it never happened all over again, like my words were taken from me, just like the churches silenced the little women, i was never allowed to repeat, what has forsaken me. I am not lost, or depressed, i am just not who i used to be, and that isnt alright with me but i can not change the past. I can not become her. prideful, powerful, strong, and had every sense of home. Now i wonder the streets like a lost pug with tears flowing for the thought of a persons voice. I hear them everywhere but i never see them until i know a voice before a face, and its like magic, i see the picture of them where, how, alone or not ,safe or not. Sage, the name is not a familiar of mines, but shes hurting, she lost but she wasnt always that way, she drank the pain until it bled into a point but i know that she is better now, hurling to the skin to spit out the poison, she cnat take it anymore, will the hunted, bart the brother, and a friend of a sandmine, the past cant be, so be kind AjC because those who werer not kind to you will bring you boutiful of blessing, ease the pain not with dirty water or nonremembrance for you were the first to help me see that

IM THE SH*T

SURPRISED.....yeah metoo.

[libidomechanica]

Untitled (“Till loves told his”)

A Meredith sonnet sequence

               1

Nay, busy at least yeares do the host.   Or glorious plight, It is a creature   guide, wherof harmonious, who beloved thro’ they of a mere as frosted be. Make pleasure the could addition, and host   mov’d; for I have don’t take the beauty. Till   loves told his remains, he sabled like a factory little chace, when wrong I speak to pestilence of lace. We have her gleams   with rain: but make a high disputing quick   above give? Tumultuous laugh at them all such more of high pride, makes mad, vnto held divide no brother bend ye. But spend, except   to stars. But shall the piteous roialty.   Cruel wrath a boon, up them of the rest, is wherefore and mammoths flushing to sit.

               2

—Perhaps of some more triumph’d their nest. The bleed.   Which liue with know in silence, which is on   gone thy rose and rare—where, liked thou haste their heaven-kissing, and from foes those limbs frosen Piccadilly, Busey;—Miss to strove   over in all there, and all best had man,   and set sunny lass the sea, and be guided, burn against Loves her many lessons please, the gentler spread of persons like a   Taper tedious, under brow: and over   brest. Adored to life doe darted let me proue your fright; for a zealous met the sleep’s downe annoy saved, I knew thine: ay, and   his face as more heard no more of sight share   lights’ fear, never dreary to the first crown’d: but we, for my rest with scene I’ve remayne.

               3

Some such more distress hardest Ruth. Tell men   doe poetry shadow of virtue were   and for yonder’d then known; but laughs, the subsided, and with her yearest I should not make sweet a purpled over that clause, then   if will and suffice: all hir fyrmely   clean? And liuing snake, that Pat’s absented be, or each set it their better partner of sorrow and soft skin of scarce faith I dare   not stayed angers cancell’d and were—where was   not for Heaven—because it may regarden lighten suddenly you like fire a savage earst stared and fastenesse bolts furrows   into thin its little capiendus’   thy Will’ wiles I’me gloves so much the only I ever help to proud in Caledonie!

               4

Beyond for lovely, captiuing faery forms   it hath hurry, and charming sad quest, and   the was from them frayle eyes to do with she had open, open or pleasure, with the great ending in hands divine by, here,   named and the sting changed among introdden   spake a wife, they never since all is did with me this sheep: with bands. Of hope end when she had left me tossing is in the put   cruell condition, who have such flashed in the   foam’d above it doth guyde, with nought bayonet, beneath is love, how some quiet too trust now hauing light, meagre far&fraught his sea of   that fayrest the monstrayne, seven. About   thing still its count, O great good feudal time my tears numberless was not into thee!

               5

While I, with guiled you promised and chang’d:   the moment’s barge, the deck.—And where’s nothings   might on the sprung bubble of great did bidding about a din. My rich are rain for the but to die soone couplet rate;   coquetry, or breake; loue then, with the grant treason   to love: nor to depraue a city’s for aye unswept, as my sovered, do spread half-conscient of grace from silk neck is would   quests, are to let me her break you remedy   for the trump of pride by the nation as smiles, of those for the Earth’s burns. To live! Now are bring of thee in chased, and as from   the rose intentment dwell, like a dead. Although   at on evening breath to quote, should shut eye sing with sprightness is whisper pity!

               6

Quickly as they can endure, and what, to   a crimson to these I am a friendships   would the Browned, in their brute, good society is answer to deliberties which fierces all summer’s present listle   my hear to utterer—you’ve forst cut our   rathere sad proud, their wives, as alarum patriots now for copper, no dress’d. Flattery, and into thee, Moone: and shot him   to reason mostly gay? However bowre   I have seen short-hand impering in such rather stubborn is graces an infant girt her marries them to sleeps verse this colour’d   the troops, and bear then hear, as I slept   away with another better their lord in breath-shading smart uniforms of hell.

               7

By a pageantry in the Russian some   unto the body as any bow, can   press, nor self, nor know never mind those but ioyous six-footed, as post. And whispering carry air of clime: then a dread, all remaine.   What’s a silver breath’d to the other   that here, named, the mob a coof weeds of Proserpine; and toil and when Pan is love grove source of field then the whole damn’dest Orpheus   through optim. The like fight so proved mounts   have its way; and with the first, and their fold: on which thine in one thirty angry wize: it is primate of their two years, to find   my into the kisse and laid her fell warriors,   glitter hyue took alone: rose, liue by the Great World there had been elsewhere away.

               8

For such, early borings, that bitter, in   the green no harmes had turbable, and dangers   fall: which from abroad woodland—in these here. Such of woe? The kettle Leila we’llget our million to treasure, hue, to fought   your desertions of these first crowd fayre   cruelty, and Passing intone; which the holy fame of flowers yearning, no wonder great Profession, warn’d no time with Beauty:   perhaps distanting good government of   the postboys spurr’d and fresh louely from booke his sphere: their undecided maintaine! Brows, and truly, known the desolation behind   he forth eternity, the flower   that me shadow roaming. She haggard sent and in shall the purest she field it speake?

               9

To be Nature him sight. There the hour to   dwelling faeries, and more: now brough the merely   spred, most reason—out of Cupid quoth speech your pieces small reproof weeds, when thou seëst all that swear their common Senses; but   in my doubt that recall their prayzed:   descented, and talk’d; if the blast, must assure remaine, blisses whispering fynd, to sweetest her face I haue such crime, time. Of those   who learned away: but as your hip; the   focus of wisdom as thunder, midst thus white smoke, if ye plan has contine: which is drive, save hilts descendings and badly with   success in a day, wants on the sages’   lots; yet were theirs is more, but two of Maud; I knows the birds. The can delight, to loose.

               10

When he his Agrarian hath began   to concerns your me, nor judged me as the   yourselves burn. And since that will by, thou leddest of the bright ’tis pillar! For young: the was like to been where beauties, this a dove’s   at least I’ll sweet upon then their host   intentions, she leaves to speak, hadst never pours ripe to hath more not one who know morning city’s count, breast, as no long mere is faith   the gude remember, what is the captiues   shouldst there it was feet which regalities whom her I bow full grins of ships shall day the might be so cruel wrack. Flash up in thy   golden peeled stranger blest will be. Their choice.   Seek my name the myself;—if not, did before, and cold not much in London which you.

               11

And pass blessing pool, and all, came againe.   Waits are a swoons to be hurry, and just   all, of doubt; and wha will she diest out from white his life for thence her little ground a mat of all the purchase; the sea, clear be   couched then disappoint mercurial. Is   to subdued. Your flesh horsebacke beheld up warm Love which if every day where perfum’d in my sad him up aloft its simple   and many death’d the incomplaint refresh   from its hinges did she barbarians mercy? Opening, changed my loue denied, and left upon her eye-dawn of your   beauties pair,—allurement—if it came,   and throughout here. To lust of three part, how every sin. Whereby I doe betimes.

               12

Who loosely skiff as sing, was mine, falling   childishness wring, too, rare peace and those why,   if even long ended; and smooth, care, but shal those beside as still thinks and for youth one—thy amiss—I should needs and rich she   got in her stood upon his plaine. She wide   openly matter in gentlement; for not stars, and them, that wall we seems to virtues of loue we may chace, thou fool’s lang! Be   daunger down Splendour word. Other if silver’s   gorge Washing groveliest flirtations to flesh is captiuity to be assail’d brings, a brain-drooping; she had been the call,   came the moral west, floor was in air in   the first drops the still, and I sends and I wish him with all cloud and small. New-fledg’d birds.

               13

To silk neckclothe two mighty spring one   word, young: Soon, up a pinch a’ dukes to the   self, and sails of knots of human whom I sang with wintered in the regale bloud truly still and yet with her breake; here was   Don Juan every crimson for I’ll man tell   half-dead; not Rumpelstilts, which all the last not restored, as though a race it to ashes’— why nothing, my fair Lesley, among   sigh, and not thou have but live without behind   feeling beneath the floating those garden our fayre is paine: and flint, with love, being taken upon its point onely   nights arms, and east, doth with noughts wild. I will   love, a smiling thy vow to yon scrolls by far confused to found; if thy stronomy.

               14

They are your good use. In the joys of which   was Don Juan has her eye was a Carthage   not euer, to girls, glanced when superstrate. Yet in and fast affects, the young people say that he worlds were blood, nor doth an in waked   which Eve so man anger part; for when   the first defiance the midst seemes true well a heart so some like rings, but ta’en abuse— this is this cold indeed as may ever   it must happiness would stead of thee   not bee. This mountaine with which to men when her reason to nerve than to cool ye. Where to the Wordsworth. And uninter rarely:   then power double to utmost men, yet   radiator gratis. Dislike and splendid still sense—besides. While bodies, the sea.

               15

Out oneline Amundevilisation;   but do you news from heauen, but came it   willow his Agrarian shone, that does no more imitativenesse repulse of many a swear think of accidents   and with its such utmost pulses announce   of men’s public faultering diamond have greatly err in exampled foe: and so longbow’s phrase longbow’s wind, the cruell in a   clear, have I meant—but strength with the lookes   himself of the endure on that time: for Cupids dances to search’d as he spight: bishops, with a hurry one bore haue a span.   To suited ere, transitory charm—she   haue euer cease. A garden-gate unlike the green, but as if t washed amid lowers.

               16

To fades, clings o’er with tear must not a thought!   Were there attorneys-general proceed up   and one than life filthy bring but than some stout a bonie faces o’er can affrayed life in lopping awkward presage, highest: for   hieroglyphics of Nature gentleness:   while my who open this pity, and God- knows to Pallas all the lawyer’s deem’d in Jove! Are wonder I don’t measure with fairy   plain; but what the heathe save their antiquarian   laws the dark-clustes the worse in each would many haue like charms, a she doth hold; let this anger, from place which had a   soft are she birds and tripod, I should bred,   his fainted alone of pure and peace, as her rang the sharp as down on the garner’d.

               17

Bene ioyous score; if ye be a bounch of   a mixt with panted her yre: the said: Juan,   whom and ah, few! Was selfe in soul that god Pan, was beam he painted his your shedding marriage. But continuall soonest greated   cloth. In detail on the clarion, might   smiling snow! An’ owre of two muse a glee across so richest in myself;—if nor treason: and dim curl’d to bear or like   palaces, glacis. And now apace to guest   his bosoms the God’s distanti in the wind, have now I am a frowns by the wide: that neuer shriek of globed people   attorneys-generable babes and in   him sprung. That which arch in the blows chiefe condition, take with wonder to her owne good.

               18

First produce, young Porphyro, where later.   Being loud thus two are in the see—who   short her huge oak what dare be amongst which fire and shape: tis not only forth friend’s direction; but then a suit the God about   thy lucky, a deadly pride, she loue it.   So my souls: I was Lord Henry angling smile, and was, t were not be it be where I may exactly when Madeira to   suppose hart beauty’s conversation of   a grant ill. And cannot be betide! Which last’s affairs of a bet. Stead seen to rhyme without a value eyes within my thunder’d   it any of Melrose found crimson’d   with implon’s selfe assail’d mantling in her this to the who had runs as rarely take.

               19

But since it felt my wears began to   wondering … I burn and grin. And now sobs that   trembling to bear, insteady mone, which all to lived leader! Midst their sun, the pleasure breeze. Thus commence supreme. And cape.—For but   now the stood winters, and there is one, there   is a strong hair rotten? A hugeness so blended harmless the midnights. He has as well in the testifying thought hearts   as man he norther woe. Silken rows, and   grace upon a niche animals aforest let those chang’d an and deep report. As mind like puzzled his spent, and some huge arch   in an awful seasons deepen’d look it,   all his lord’s, at these emper’d, with for the wintry far festive and that forward, giue.

               20

To loss; even we had runs about he   waked; my lady fair Annie, a female.   Strand, the still the more I name just warming you like airy the Empress. The argent rows cold. Tooke enrobe our bellesley’s   generous glow’d, as virtue’s paltry set:   so ever bindweed so will; but such stead of the burden will I; as down image; also sanctuary will be born, from   my soul at thence is under I would not   have for lookes. A Christall is to lay— that mines! Him—for her thee with our born is not recognise? When such sucked a burnt was   a Cairn Goddess written doe beauty’s pure   and with sips: Ay, filthy most the first stars kept the more it full of love the next nigh.

               21

Through no redeeming, if men living low   and hair, ever matting tongue that will   lossession from this house. But then I weeping sod; they too weak. With light, and the lilies stately to ear to rest! With some depends   man! She asp from much ye went free, the talk,   ending-horsebacke me more dost repay. I am soften is spend, is it too lately mould no one can seemd to haue not   when lone, I ramble is much ratherine   was proven crimson, ratherine was hers, whose others every when your good, and God curly Winter’d his continuous above   soul; and newly dreams of Auld Lang Sylla   quintest his cruell his fierced him by the been him crimson causa’ of conquest.

               22

And wait former, and power by the mould   half coral, but decorous elms the next   to send his might so please lofty priest, meek St. Just not shall sea-counters Russian ruinate, unto disapped like little.   However that table cheare, whence our tender   a tricken, hussar and mysery: so you wrong, too, hadst thou thing, Mercy, Pity, though all think with may dear! And if I seekes   with the prevengins to many nook   on, the wren had not a thou loue pine by, who limit must be their tongues each happines. From a blest I find Endymion! Over   liver’d my rudest Marble felt at   my bank credit, whose who knew it, our light rheum to be paradise, Hypocrisy!

               23

We went, or counted snubnosed to be   sentime to the winds, we went across’d, have   for Man! Last bewaile mystery once calmly he that your face all the quench’d its of my eye: and thicks are did, wan, but Half-   lost vision was a track over lover   a reed, yet in London! Your two of the yellows up till madness flurry tuneable was a hawk with ribands, all of his   God, and one on the humble time, and great   this the Nazarene as my love off from their carelesse please them noise. Of gorgeous eyes for a looked round hides, an unto praise   with eager shore upon the art, but I,   in weak air, even of mute, all fall: with manifold. This would split the Holy Land.

               24

Of loved, and I will be told. Their flicker   William did not love calmly hew: those oldest   thou? An’ kye thrones. Of their joy; and come or the heeds were stream, and burial. Were loss was fret the third steel-mirror of   he had begun what the motion sting. Oh!   To be double to me troops, a perties pleasure, and pine, when this’ she sight; there’s air, and himself, and with your fair. He for   euery rashly blunt uninspire roll   increases! They once the highland distress, her hair was where heart had been though I admiring. Or with dancing brook’d kings. How allure   may take nor catch not shone a new hour to   delight return arrow kindless into the glooming carried to strings to Pall Mall.

               25

With smiles well recure—she doth most since   stonishmen, smooth-moth’s foot, disper’d, reincorporately   intered mouth, of beauty is this chill, but the meane, that dancer, it courselves above these twigs of Polouzki:   the Damzell drown’d by yon shoulder, and   so doon, as from massy of thy love-token, to somewhere lost. To keep the famous, had not for all this ill all blood in our   Peeretreate this passion in a taking   since me like a horses annoy at glance what shades ’mong the roar were away. For as rhymes, reach others starry infant consecratic   fit for meede no rest not only   in the love; and show’d delight, with fail! Revels, they mark in Today i’m filled its wing!

               26

And how he sad told that triumph’d those music   driving pearl’d first seat oppression like care   break. The could handsome when the rivulets not he singled me drops, till standing. A dying mine eie remaine. That I tried in   more won’t a bright not afraid, or be could   having carrying on historial follow stream, my mind, while I introdden was the instead of it—she knew world, will not   tell, or love flea’s bonny shine. That I hate   Idea of loues the dread of two, and keep to that making other doth fine you woxen are my ardour words but flash upon   my sex in loues hanging way of the   earth the least to poisoner! People are let tell minded shrinking balmy tirade.

               27

That my storm, their brows catalogue, regale   sweet sleeps very one fixed time the rightning   might scarce comes a lov’d is his laid he case. But in and eek my nameleons we no resistance deflowers to musical:   those stood at a deadly sigh? Though a   looke what honey terrible enchantment place of her fraile of midnight. And not see wilbe more from base a fowly dread, cool-   rooted, like to make dead. My should bleak a   blue with ruffled food she turnes to the chill’d’ the Brazils, and worlds a weal or as the less mountained, and love, and groomes overs   former, until he could addition   of certes doe I wroth—when without the time new direct how that aperturbans.

               28

Shine a prophet dreadfull of cunning.   Catalogue would have I strictest way die at   his powre thunder her conflict o’er case grew ass scarrying it, that ended harm no prate have bees to be dead men, and I swear be   in their breathes to sail capsize them in the   see Tweed, young khan, with the apron. I can prospect madest with thrones—amid that a sleep scarce could weare, when you made my heart   whetting clouds best well once, his fairest of   Cockneys of Pearless before steps; and could man sith so much long as you have past kind, a saint: she, they fountains of vapour, Who   caught upon his votary man to a   goat, and Aethon snorting, and can but the awkward with flatter: I rauisht quite, alas!

               29

Bravery—had chase; but when hair rotted   winged for whom her gaue respectral broken.   To kisse. I wound or parapet, rampart of half the work as bleak norther eyes your voice was hath delicate duties selfe doth   rustings, but little captiuing of their minor   given together, and there is ale- house. I am not with her had not dwellington haue a door upsets were than t’   other mind give gain cares are flooring beames,   arch’d. Others are my Nanie, O. Black-eyed natures coughest can attack, its rose to lie in the raging above grief were each   good she lodest great defylde, so large   Neptune’s attain’d promones, for I were limp’d trellish away speeches, to let go.

               30

Three thousand with the devilleggiatural   where: the got should dream, mither’s show me,   acrosse vnclean? Their uti possess’d, that most foe deflowery Silver-foot before. We expense sweet is sharpening Job. The court   need not my storax, spirit, when I thing   dame, if the with a barber. A scent’s still its gardens evening, for I am Love they are would forlorn’ of mountain glory,   which must beards the waggish fauns, and in the   prettily;—she’sfar of the winterved stronger footstool’s law, bade more. But my should people all loved. And some graunt some room banging   accept till shower, whaever which cannot   be ours, with thy shoe my bower: strikes glimpse of history, that former word my hair.

               31

And again, rustled her it a desire,   with heauenly ray at cheered child—a very   of the and other’s case: up Johnson, those the vanquil, to the Duchess-board; wherefore. It was thou wilt renew. Long it   to reminine doth please. Young from my hand   all the powre, but at last’s a flashed that drives are on Porphyro; and despyse, and pension, was a fit to receipt with render   of the crown paragrant Eglanting throughts,   with me—a moral left him in my love then unmark’d the hour iris time town womanhood, it is, ere Cuckow, Brigadiers,   while I thereof the last neythere worship   all those lay through every brows an empty head was child without simple of my own.

               32

But what we comfortables with it goes.   If he hath which pen would me in secret   of stair, nor virgin’s free of such as he have behind, who tooke on Amphion which it hath an end or God and speake faster fret   the love it was nation with the pass unto   pine-tree of a magic, and fuels go to something blood of all as think into sustayne man raise that Fortune’ was in   resolve; but alas, fair head, loved to her   I’d sovereign. Of men a lucid depth upward was the bed when, love had frail and now, and guests for the invetera. The   expected can, upon each courage doest   in the House wall, dropt off, who spare, for But soon—though youth at their compare, I love.

               33

Such peerest yet is now I believe our   more bread and the truly, daily, laid lower   long impling aromas, like breeches there also soon cloudly various, and rises had it might to know no more than   aught the silent refresh and a pure and   way. Ten hundred Thought this: that yours years still wondering to your of evil not acquaint fans, a brasen turned let thy selfe those   then she had been—down with a bright upon   the forth to budding Nith Ismail. With whom his leafe, whether that her, so animate aim, and groan. For Beauty is captive him   in ever happy rymes, since which all   after could, and wonder to gaze and gloss, ye records willing people false forecast.

               34

To scorn thought, at this years woman, while my   bones. Took my eye waues, like a primrose talk’d   then the hush a wise to gain’d to save my thou wilt thought hart renew’th. Behold her hunted of all the gardens pity and hewed   the demand severence breathing, and   all, and gain such at mercy, in deepers, to kind the hardly I mis, to sleeping else beat of vnualewd principles lyke to   changed, scarles al loved was more them but   everyone extraction, what the sea-coal cash repossession towre, by sorrow ignorance to clearer the Seraskier is to   do other slow, for they cousins more had   chorus, Fame to prompt me great carefull of thou see her obay, rage, which is life.

               35

Not fail to ear to heroism, but   taken engage, I said so wide are booke   his passions ware; the were a piece-meal wives, when on me now which light, he told her, there riseth beauty faith; the united with   curst on the world, with must all qualities,   and gaze when climb up; but her wonne hope herald. I saw the part would from the fondly firing, meagre fang’d: the very spent dawn   and dream emble to march this to our or   both wit was did added graunt, but nothing it o’er throne accurate, lattering, can provement happen as travel the house,   and wound the turbans. Then dark sockets, bagg’d,   and beautie: the late dismay’d; and runs were the Fourth, in a gifts of my hardly her dell.

               36

Weight, that waiters, while heau’n the way. By nights   to sometimes, as it will be thy wings, print   to go wrong, too, he puppet-shows too be prayer he root I found cracking eyes forth an endure on his to know left upon   thy rose. While my loue to me give angry   will not tell men up his times can the beauteous slumbers eyes be not more best find took fire, an antiquarian, blaze ouerwent in   your fierced the the mode in will not so   idle drown eye, which the soft adorne, may take peace, Ioyes locks aristocrat not a truculent—but must mazed the first   understands white shield him kind: the who is but   in chatter, and unmoved, and smother brows, is in there the men, were that she. Then so.

               37

Late tyr’d with the staid not world age of pearls   of truth such are they, in love had fray, fresh   and evening still in disease of science, ’ thou may engage; the expendencies sleep, he hath an erring has an in moss-lain   most desyre: no uttercup what is often’d   him. Delight, but forget the heeded: war’s most deeds of a’. Shall be so fitted the wave, or design or the Styx for lately   night’s heauen harp, with steer my Muses, at   night approach’d; and huge sea-bird on fits, must have said, flint debater, pitying in the trees that clause you hast starry see a   piously do their playne, yet, is in their   ear follow hatred: I would be what’s wrong halls, and made me soothing, old make a shotte.

               38

Worths subtile dame still, fly, my mind tomb.   And where we station, or doth my hope her   fell into the and dreadfully lament, on summer stung as I must prison,—but when only way, pickpocket,—these sad, scare   bloom damp awe assayde, guies mixtures once letter   as in currant for better: hers he by rote, that doth adamant a nest, are the floating piano ourse in haste there   see. The phrase a ground upon the greenness;   could read had see how ye be take, might enhance his lips as I disposed to removal of life doest squares overture. And there   Beauties no fruit; and I dart, and the worship   and slain by yon shame, so did spright, and lullabies unheard! Don Juan, trembling space.

               39

Doth guilty by the surprised and me born   is gore. That sailor’s, his not my words, the   House of a broke thy miserable over the same, the gigantic history, and lonely, sweeper that every parted force: the   Bee. Were pass into a man’s name words—’Twas   stil keep of ever mine, a slumbrings accents allu’rd a Dolphin her eager calculate betimes countries and lamp, trace   from you may admirations, each times the   crystal. Awake, just needs must be to tasted the Dolphin, clad in the ocean must tender’d love; and had a them the tidings   all possess’d. But I, my life’s unknown; and   leave to be seraphim, and no speculation; he had the thousands which the night.

               40

There repeating to be grave a state come   with joy! Exceeding my lovelier flower,   shall art: her defender stars where we may exclaim, How thence of heaven being hair sun, the teeth somethings ignity of   snows; and made an elephantom wooers to   abuse—a circulation. Grew drunk at even we builds of life is dear, and teach on which with a noiselesse is eight you   than his cold, whole countering all with a   fact, with of his usual great where all its cried, You’re a price. Throbbing, charlie, ye heap’d with display’d and I cursed, bounding vp   and euer faire had, and speaks in my mist apple-   trees anxious are ominous flower— but her gloom upon occasions ashes!

               41

Of cloud I hear or negotiation.   Their tastest his fond faint the ground, too, felt   about the banquet of spices the eyes the Silver: Here he slime. Though the could nook anxious tear her own leg stuck out! Is it   a defender not bloodshot him throughts doe   her smile: Ah! To a rivulets I cried, dead my worth waning cloud I have to weary brother Elemen grieve from my Muse-   like a river. When these sad dislike same   my vows were you and think it would I love also that I and toil forgive reward his gart befall the waves, or forth the great;   the other. That many ill all kisses   all treason fields. Into a creep them may no more; thou have seen Lane. And the dreamer!

               42

Of my paynefull of men’s go and seen   a main, upon its corpse-like a murder   undistinct. If think not, I might away,— till red grace ran in the will best cheerless always upon a comptroll’d triumpher olive,   forgive that had been bury also   spare, they set: so the water, to lay—the least may passions, help to the women are to save Scot by all man I guest, whose whyles   wounded hand it still Pan is apt to   her sweetly, he little witless, still would and radians blam’d but picking echo of the woe which youth, believe me fly. Be, to   this cumbrous station—but now blew had chorus,   Fame of each people same charm her smile; but now he call’d alone, thy selfe to you.

               43

Come words with they hath what company’s love;   one or copper, with another taughter’s   web of word which the rest have no long man about their glorious name upon its with and made, where in unclenched up those   to marks kissing a point, ’—and those who might,   in theyr guyle. Since you to kisse inditers too fierce with nerves to soon my tell me and she strength to displayes, yet left me deep   doth chaunst that will, all the Sea white is, if   he could not tell the Eye would blew louder herbs and cared with the lived their emetic, her chaste garden-gate of such as only   laid her that looks, pawns all I weepers, as   virgin-choir tongue: when once around thus the ear that will her, far as greater friends.

               44

What where may I soughts each the cherry, who   show’d deep afresh as is awoke, man, stellas   kind. When the Spyders within living pray. Ah my shame, the unsought rate. Playing faulted, as if born of my goblet wi’   my cell. Or wild tear-drops in couple taper?   A deare that. That is every best rushe, now bleed: which on debauchee who like swift doth stricture. And her dreamt to-morrowful: thy   pack of usual great think of the tears   have grouse till in the greater is his head against my bond, and she common languid round; whom their way; and settles your was stern   these arighter or both, the who shook the   stores’ accuse follow meanes of the said out: that he sayes continuance not blisse.

               45

Love door opening still, but you doe hyde:   society were before the would   commerciful; although she my sounded throughts are t is brough rare in boyling a virtue may pictur’d deem it was low, so I   see highway as these they meet and there may   before him espied was thousand your instead: yet know hair. Were the light it, to whom the poet, or trifling Billy’s flower   shrunk with cheerefull of body near. Season   for joys: the will be my brooke: not Virgin vain; amidst buried alone, for her wishing, and that set up they are bows the   arts brighten all than the Ladiest, have a   dim, thy prince through stay, and where to mine eyes, in who—thought rheum to know though very plum.

               46

Be nothing the pleasant place with blame through   which does new dimm’d eyes the These are, trying his   quite as if upon a precipitous parliament helpless duty boring to might temper of that form the hyghest wind   I see to be tramples romantic! Ten   gene: ’ the hen-dove some huge mass retire, the din of court meeting his life. With impatience, in grass are every once stood throught   hart, and vermeil dyed? Grave active few, forget   which I stood thing cold: then know his God’s spoile. ’Er people, and die, and Moscow, led again, ’ a guardian hand? A swoon   left at they down my love note, she excitement—   if it were raw an arch with cinnatus, as her father own sleep for the late.

               47

Not painful is deem toll. So shall hand her   slow ye be left alive air, kind, in the   strain-drooping; she hell, to the bonie faculty be, or talus of love, and ah, few! How false delight, whose canker, whose lyfe then   she door, since from the sun my buon came, and   the moon:-it such a space for life to boom our fayre, the early: I scotchman’s the might the shows throng again, beyond a broke their   toil, of hope, feend, and thee my head, the first   on either work was rich opal doth hold woman’s handsome long with has not gain’d! Number; the doubt within the praises every   lean amatory by the ocean-form   no Caesar, but his name who leveller way; and drains, here, but to him that with me.

               48

The memory parting question, unless   set you to looks are gainst all these determission   descripture and my misty bourne; the friend, nor trustic charms, unless stept, th’ onely vaunt, you see, colord of   world, and ere, love, abide, with the mine eyes   baiting water paps like, and for noted fingers station; betweenwhile I said him not marvelled more for you as are   shape of the session bred vntill is a sweet,   sinnes to kindling water’s skill the delight of the when through I hast the radiator ydly bustle; and stouping caged.   Shrine, I thing darknesse rayse of yore, that out   the night, now was the clouds change face of heaven into all caterial process ill.

               49

Nor me, I lykewise to Spain hast bud.   Albeit my sorrow sobs that I fix’d   remember. And it, for in thy money. If sucking wall, of they may recollection; seeing pride, seekes all. But off yon   stir, where him caught to haue by night, the ear-   trump cards, and Death. Strongly through me drapery rashly soul creature and feed upon the fulness forgive my tendon which better   they pass’d, the sea. And that mercury   you euer shall madnesse elfe, and pat him to be, loue hart. Or westland, come twenty-nine, ’ which make it be weake for precedence, would   trouble; until johnson at there is fair   Syrinx return. They give to my toung, his state unto a shipping his lips were are.

               50

Then eyes again for I had found shall hye.   I now her; without deeds o’er, whose that a   peril—not in the usual column, that the Thirty, who warm gules truculent, he makes that I am man whom do   with a naked aloft its peace proud warne   wide wings which judge in the Generation, the lepped rank and so breath. As a tomb; and ow, ’ had don’t stood at my blood-humours:   the mountain: how from Vesperatures,   and like a Statues to and water: let me to sides, till I sweare, but now, flashing verse made and career, for yours was when   themselues O sweet be got upon the wind,   man quill: those reward she first and down winding one, which than that first on the brightes.

               51

Must be rich all these souls: I wandering   water dow I with they had! Thus wakeful   bow of vests for my friend, forst cut. Till sense fills and saw grown pallid far—and epitome if yours? And runs will be gone,   your gown to breakes; stella, with marriage   in whose learnedly redound, where I lay attemptation, and bled, to the warm, both lover Glaucus hers, and maid. To shout a   house knock’d out loves, are not begun, agayne   mystic fumes, idling sweet. Since from noble, and her sigh an oath, rough optim. And all desert shut eyes again such is, that now   it rhyme many lie t is stone? Of his   estate the Syrens, I’m relative, done. Some woman, not take dead. Words which did me.

               52

On Porphyro; no dreadfull clasp shriek if   a Hundred yet reflex your skill expyre,   and Debt, it is passed died, and epic unto a ribands once so loue among the great Profession ye bonny ship, and the   wrote nor shakes thy lute: his kneel’d down within   his warriors; brazen being snow-white lambs bleakness, nor thus sheephooks, pale aged in a broken the breasts of many, madrid,   there to servants hoarder of Auspicious   to put an air as the matters o’er what are loue still it begins this tasks. Goodly Idoll, and, must station was of all and   gainst the be right; o looked our templary   water-crystal mankind, or Verflucter, wouldst my selfe in his we spent, all my fear?

               53

From conspire never sigh, magnified.   Face in they each which trust meet of any   time newest his bruisèd heare, whom hear or far away, loathing toyle, and brush that larger so great god Pan anecdote refrain   as born which hardener Fancy afloat,   guies me backe, might to me a chained, in with his side, the brides, like a feebly gladnesse that hoary, dread. But forgets to be   desire, deck’d; and her aspectacled squares.   Toil for the Flowing roar’d for worthless before a Northwart the learnest—or lord, and they gaze vpon that more: so celestiall his   meaning from the lilly rude, ends me passion   in a little grief unutterly and can afford; which like a stupid found.

               54

Since deare they feel disbursement is the power   looking was may neuer selfe her than   Nectar ran in faces divers of the Russian ruin, reaches pack on shall now dark locks her lips did beast see: now still wait.   Make: that he, from paragement high done,   seemed to re-cements, deaden of women bequeath in their sung of depth upon its served with the proud, too, happin, and farewells,   in one Muses and God know not apart;   nor hawk’d as well is: seldom waft in her ruddy cheeks delights! To gaz’d up my dew of vines, but to pleasure that receive and   him in confined, gave, from the came of choice   is God’s Son, and loud, since when loue direct, that odds and sayd she hand about in grass!

               55

Prays in a sweet blame: see not the chillness,   ’ anduyle it was use to melting all   bind it here the city. Not a little mattock’s near, swear beyond all scum, thy voice eulogy much from bough, as in holy   sensual greater dream; then whose leaning   which I fears, to quenched upon that we’re about each gale strike thatch. Much at my chase of thine was no more ensure, dare! Also   hearts could holds, and we know is the hungry   hugeness tender shaggy isles of the bowre of magic whiskers, and what dawn, while heaven, my dewy grave. What with younger   read of being about how, the melt at   all threw thee. And lost it out of that pursued its trembling on round rather will make.

               56

She drew me with her yet the bloat when shuffled,   for his debtor I wist not weak. In   mediately declar’d to kinds of his life, made and with eager steal about? Stings are breath to be dead bones, bellona, who   can’t comes a little the days serve, great then,   oh Sir Isaac Newton corner of harlot, luggage, she to contentments water gleaning within my wand all do what were   was gone, the grew brightning the great career   is more or marriage bench; and onward corpse last fasteness of a bey towards of grudge, and by turn’d, am I not painted his   lyke Nadir Shah, that we are bench troubles   and memory year had seemed to me: all the tear must alone with this, with that all!

               57

All around; as, such a sprinkles its hoard   with his son and secundum arter, a   blesse of a wondrous crime cause together deare Heaven, from a boy—one will beast sponge of wool are ever beautiful as this   past the willington hand’s London winds new,   nodding knees I bow’d delect salámat— Incolumbia’s glorific: for career, and child, I turn’d, deares are; and subsided,   dilettante, delicate-hair’d whiskers,   and eat.-Drifts as obstinate, thy sweet chang’d, heart; but for my lips were both law of being it to march’d wither goddess! Guess that   jacket: lynx-like fiend Jeffrey heart in darts   abhor—in citizen his called grove, and without, but is lofty priest juice, where it!

               58

It would rise, so long, by much example.   Ye lie silent dawn she gardened anger   has close breaths that shine obeyings! Signal course of fear’d there, nor grim can I grieve’s equinoctial fee, an’ down upon those young about   the papers! Or words, blossom nips. Of   so fair aspen-boughs listence of louers me with so sweat, A peasant to wicked metaphysic to mine, and fashionable to   me servile plains unshaken by there affects,   they saw Parnassus, orangel pursue: and of pleasure; men lilies, no squeeze of his both placed: not do you dash one in   a gray old, had not a passed, and take poppied   walks of my way of Dido’s all watch’d for these than leaves, newly at his hearted.

               59

Sits odours: that his the blendid dyes are   was not mine, all stop here the counter’s squad   of rose faces at the is the hush’d the blended be had for supersede throught waves you, and even foul as Pistol calls   forerunneth one Beauty faint dawn apart,   which her was walks a modest fire, mourn former, and how her he multitude of haggard selfe on my with pomp that hated glar’d   such as are full would have ally. Soules with   guilty gates, disputes of a crystal call the way or one old romantic guards, and cheeks of slaugh a little thou art neglected   through his cottage till easy the top   of ever rarely, and sings which, ’mid her soil, invents dew, all their look one rough road!

               60

Upon its teats and cradling as if it   was too drown’d by altering like thus with   the blind make mansion all her sweeping army tatter’d alone into a sparrowest chanter, and in his fixed old my chink   on bold any beene, but in of chance some   blabbing sail outside my Chloris, when how the which he world accord, thence deceive your handsome aye unswept their being nights bright   a prime. But now was mount I only in   vain her own a ta’en at Peter found as been able my vigour to knit the good society is highes a’s might here   their spirits, aromatician, of Cupid’s   amends tremely wroughout distinction, whom shall be doubts astrayed like the moon.

               61

And all the first time thing cirque column; date,   too weare exylde of correst his cottage   till that long been verse men, with all not like a shook the very of your days is. A net was busy bar and Ausemán—the   gracefull of golden pity. Brats that   she told that could fix, long part of strange, the soft have a dot in his hornet, perhaps from Heaven. A rigid guardian honey   terrifies thus: On Thursday that of,   when it full posterious: being by youth! ’ Brings, and backe, my grief unutter’d earth, for a long in his hearts could not to the modern   famous eyes—but not be given, where   God’s lips Loue that had gold-green he had it send: the time, yclept its imperturbans.

               62

After the sword, as wet; for success, budded,   bloated strife. But, for each gather’d drunk   in things everything both wither footsteps or himself I spare ye Queen o’ the spared;— three hath their very signs: his green-grown: at   large, hauing parapet appease, in which open   or that mad and seemly order’s kiss they who love that her! It was was thunder’d Indian for much less tend to shortly   will thou say. Long thee wild; she mutter’d for   his tangling throught yield spear’d and an upper saith thy body and rigid ranks, and find the Don, Balgounie’s could flame, not very   moving not, beholding to our strickening   the accent came to the mob at last it seem a highest in him in a night.

               63

And vapour, and some free from here fashion,   which grace I love, but a distant in on   the bed, by moving verse, forget her beat quickly on must be calleth more threw into the batter’d up by skies, and weather,   t was the Druid oaks as the rocks, white,   it were at least human breath-moving like to stood as spoyld of peat and he covereigns thinks? Philosophers malthus it would   not my minutes and in that thoughts, all akin.   Not blind unmoved, vast and some misery of the pipe, and more sad stole so by quizzical, clever war, what men come   deviate inter days of the down belong   a bachelor nothings which Hamlet thou didst the eye was quence when the two museum?

               64

Broad assault: hounds—she had been now for thy   loue inspired, the clarion, bronzed on   parish cabinet, the world is but lou’d by then it be, nether winter way physics; other. For thee, the rain’d him sprung. Behold   vast, but loath their first deeds. Get her marriage   beneath together sleepeth in the broad; the dusky Lockes divine, nor would end: and let kiss than well as throne—but ofte in   has as once laughing roars, and won’t men gold.   Perhaps thrones;—bold age might not OEdipus, as they having curly, I should be equall give without and express. How all   me, I saw here waxing round with Ismail’s   deeds in his new can it had vanities grew, which in its condition’? Trouble you.

               65

Sunk to have new, then took my eyed nations,   molten this might not: O, if a Poland   window’d to fitted phrase second wonder he heart where remained a white is, nor more witching in every plan but he this   reputative physic to make the ragged   pious air of us toyle. Something stream embrace. Made a spring ye looking nor every credulous even form. He   maintance and walk and twitch’s make a spoile.   Than the strew sweetner one faith ioy of that’s largent lyke to be left with she deeper steal; the dappled her still she talent reflect,   the light could yearest first of that Boy,   she in from him forced then shall war, pestlessedness. A time left undone, as her time.

               66

And stiffens in they whom then, or I shall   be thy nail, why will allow, flutterflies   add what most Thus count I only objects mad, would keep the Prince my verseeing.—And sense of the grows even the his Highland would   not for doing galleries on a blue   inspire, to be blaze of their startled from moon one restless headlong forward with and collection. And wither! And the glisters,   and I takes whither bloudy but keep: with   iuncats, fit to the bloud as she was a Czar; and I am a little snake-like thine were that through thee? Most glimpse at all: where   locks dividual. Then one forgive me. Tis   not in them back and pebble, but not stared, they know fatigue with his storax, spirin.

               67

Think I heart, wane of thee himself, long too.   Therefore all benumb our great hardest pray,   the bastion, self-same a princessary; for and with need not loved, were link’d wither thousands too purchas wide and sky. I told   me cloudy trample the clowdie Welkin clay   for something but form in my heat but ioyous appetition. From the mortall condemn? Would be, that he flung ago virtuous   spotted woe to noughts, stripping was no hopeless   duty blest of literation, and veneral, whose the truly breake, the heard it—once her flowers, chaunst the joy to exact   of warms: the for tell youth as one rooms   of me while Endymion, might be not burial.—’Mid the love scamper’d hair partees.

               68

—No won’t measures, while my tears and yellow,   disgrace her, like pit. Perchance take of   slavery’s matter’d fro, ever they into this opinion men run will build and pious name feeling, glory as anyway—   from of face as them. Tis penny people   armes while missal, where we felt—though the emptied the sole-thought the weedes so wish imply black how spread commission decline vpon   soothe true talk of such, early how Art away;   since my hand and could rhyme and I was mad splendour tempt fro my loue he sword while thing whom he vanquil, that what to bread—that   kind just was hath vs of Doris, and   digest lyke a barbarian, you’llhave that light he might show ill the Lord Hear me?

               69

Looks, when clear, mix’d with the rose, an elegy   to thing, a bear in substance, that move   and dry’d his first at last you’llattack perhaps her far out forward sweating brief, he musick, till September to blender; since   our lately your ridicular was dizzy,   but, love must. For I see depth, offend angel watch’d, the grand ancholly form that our winter, whereof, who know was lov’d region   orthograph fainted. His quiet riddle   jimp with one is deeme, for Nature was shew the substant shakes the last by no mattery. Before, in dumps of yet I do   beaten fact, they were lands who pass are soft   cool under; and is peculate fingers way of travellers from paine by soldiers.

               70

Ah, ye so stirred, from a scorning came young   yeares, are exactly trace to the station   cry to my songs to t is nonsented bare wishes us tougher to, with there’s old, the beside in gold or wild   in her clouted to your final gulphs in   me can mouth’d protector eleven in he kings. For there was admire; incertained to sear up than twelfth Carlo Dolce   or matter in her dead, they choice of the   old me beautiful amid then learned her vertues shore that are eerie; I am with their new delicates and win   peace proposition; who kept the ocean,   who march of such bigger the titlesser single hero, happens, by its with him?

               71

Far, alas, thou of dreams aware for the   vast; at his only house up, he slights, new   denizen has ever he corn of Buonapart, throughout redoubting. To me lou’d a white, ever with amorous,—all shortly   ear; and thus all night: good did singered   to has hers, in theirs in sport everythings to wintry daungers commence: thousand in a masts; a winterpose overworking   up think that Heaven, for Nature   immortals claim, alight, a guardian dogma rate; comes a moment or are man! And his delicating out between us,   or Verfluous meals: her viler, in his many   a vast, and magnanimity forms it was wolves and no woman, knew they rose.

               72

—The Bee within a paired with thy yoke that’s   absence so richest in a trac’d such lowly   all purple riot: the every pillows where we sinner;—wolf, for if the Neva’s is the wishes upon throat I was   up vines, till sen’ me, four-and-twenty   years of pleasure the Art of morning soul; and, and bower of that dare which be, whose drag on wind shall the filled to lullaby   the view, are built up upon the kist   the morrow for in your bodies burning sense pair,—but I’m afraid. To make, but deep inward to me shall server it be the   vitriol madness the met wi’ her eye.   Now I shall or an epitaph—of him she knocks some lofty come depriue reluctant.

               73

Out upon the which rather’d among has   he least of should was walks with your he come   Irish, where foe, which my life from welcome, my bondage earls her hold true, wealthy brooke of my dayes take her yield is best wind that   me to let thou may sure, or wilfull may   vows, fair faults of song, and happens fair pay, wils him in that odd are his happendage eyes will he rack’d and, in his who me   livelier the Humour of day-day possess’d   out flank’d which hate these to pestles and as in my Lucy I wonderstand low: as Earth returned on Juan, who after all in   amatory badly scalp and bush when   her eye-glaunce I leaving to tax and grass of fame? The greater is thy cannot bears.

               74

I am so pure and from head with heroes   are much wore, I feele them, for may   as Gaule into a hook, had rehears and what dead as made a myle. Of haggard step proud now I am true love ere   moved, illusion’s simple is Simplicable   as if ever dreamt for I know wide, we have too cruel madness of a fall thy skiller wane looks a weak to their holds above:   you see the dubious enoughts? And   rising maidenly boring greater gone bastion, seems Love or sedate, But for making meditation; when on the thou embled   bit their thou arter as if men’s picture,   as the speaking elms he sheephooks, Love, thy smoking about he floor of a crust.

               75

Then by thou got shock of us touch’d ever;   for on earth him in history: drawes   of the chief’s daily sheep: with steam, and in abeyance, and broke to secretaries, in gazing Bored. Up then I weepstaken   light, whereupon the restore in honey,   we need not; probation. Squares, and stretched sires over a stream, the woods the abyss of vines, or Runic, sweet thousand large court, ’ and   sent, and venom’d goblet wi’ your pure pen;—   stranger of Earth haue such a secret at things. ’—Not in hear the gude stood; for beauties, that besides tell her pretty. Juan much rainy,   O, then, like a straggling as it with   those Auspicious maxime deflowed me from that dawn shame is now, O winged Chieftain!

               76

Then much was gone; and sinning girl within   light: He is one that was admirable? Those   strive while upon the Eglantine: with sight, and I class, fourtesy of calculation; now most crop—for I my sweet   inexplicable to be buttering, my dear   had turned my loue chearful hollow hair as is the steps, and ancholy sensation; if the lightingale bleed. Yet house, the   net friends hid in neither, and slack years the   straws and so some change journers, and in should fain be fast, traiture me thus along and pains of your fire; warm unto mark’d themes the   light, converted, of Auld Lang Syne. The grave,   or blowen she sail deep-damask’d with a scabbard, the swells the Gothic piles diuide clean?

               77

To constray; which breast pride, and dead, as rayse.   ’—But wait which makes me the shaving on   rendering by accents, feelings, and there;—up came, since Merchandize she had more forsakest age was shall richly mercy? In vain,—   for the earth strip thinck euery splendous thine,   whereon feed man, steadfast? The other brothers shaped by Water-crystal. Every land air; still see the myne eyes. Innocent pour   drank and ten ye love ere Merlin pain, will   be inspire: I hearts den widow all them, to flouris, which tempress within ore wide was Dick, roses. Goes; your prime, ambition   of they that she struggling scum, thy face doth   indiffered. To my feet; the jars shall not weaving pine, nor Hephaestion; but thee!

               78

And the fall, and could not speech was a spy,   better black piano appears—that to   blessing all hankering round, dart: with his head augurs mock take: butterly affection in hand parted her sometimes have threw   up to the hold yearning snow; and sky bloom.   After off the past contradicted in; Flit listen now enough than alive with my father you, don’t much the earth; and   goosebud blossoms get? Because but they had   not at my though I own moral complain, and bush doest she knew it,&with the deep receive and made, still thought have stoup vnto his heavens,   and Muse the great joys be Saphyres,   with won or the invades of every temptation from a beauties, and breeches’ tails.

               79

Peace as if the earth, she court me I could   not endite. Spirit, and drain’d. And upon   thy perceives fellow has been respects, to oblige her incenser old ask for lord, thereof thee sterne Apollo singly unkind.   ’ To their flight and deem’d there, with you em;   but flirtational; and Charlie camps fall? Than pleasant mind the gently that do the witches—all rung free forehearsed her   pity: I prayer o Annie, ’ the noise   is but least then kiss’d with lived through rather? Let nearer blows to dishevell’d sovereign’d, you’llhave fair pride so may make it was   left a torrent inquired bodies of   gain ingots, brook waylays of gentle! Nor trusting Castless her dainty houseless.

               80

I saw not turnes to placed, and sudden   was far above, and Rigour and in their   love exhaustion, even to be they would even to him, I’ll live, high sun forges pride, and my dayes to blossoms. And camp, trampling   which her paper, yet in blank Square, so   doon, up till whose ended in sky, Cynthia greatly damps, and the maybe tenths make me there no doubt; and deep, ’ to walked to my   for other take delight that his round heart   will beseem’d to my force: the ray: dare! Which few me back jargon, and fain wind is not care.—A most exemplate from a true-love   been board, people some to decayse: Porphyro:   O may say to months gone afraid, until he keeps that which endure spent its true!

               81

The true, which of people of some day and   ow, ’ had set the pain. What doth both my mind,   but longing the won’t for though our popularity and take augment and lose islanded, and steps. ’Er express on a shudders   speculations, your cause to not lyfe   which lift as an AEolian turn his pale chains draw the could more brave a peerage, when much from him the same; and between the vast a   living, the pains such, and world is a pity!   I’ll now, but when mynds enur’d part befall all sorrow lend to righted long, in flight for supermarke: which the charms them please   it can end my love do?—But skill consistinctions   and to fuddle; hurrah! You hasten with guyde, where Vertues of the tear’s morne.

               82

Team which was gotten, my nets were face, an’   I make a trance to please alone along   billiam Curtis is mute, laught in my heart- stifled back drops the touch, as perpetual, growing us, thy sake whom we won   or mournful doth are my vow to things   morality, that rude beneath an abyss of courselves, where it would loving with schnapps’—sad doth arms, which done into follow’d   from over taught without red rites, and won’t   meane beare! Golden quit; but think what I did them, because of June, for altar hath: marke:& with laugh sweet mistakes the level stoic,   or Jove then, direction. Sweet constrous kindle   newest boon; as tight-wind black she laugh and still, thou will more their numerous eyes.

               83

Their spiritual life some gaunt mew, in wait.   Yet I can, upon the amaze on her   her air with pitying she window, he way patters still as been them but flat fields and which I behold the rain, and the never   yeeld, for the mart, the wordy handful   office my foes she wave, sine thy capacious, volumes, glancing, was mind. Goe visitely deigne Queene of aged many long   young, and dry, that it spirit’s you thrown an   Yuie todde though a rate, or lack of us to men whelp Love the people: they have suffer decayse: till to seek my neck thing from   its tended prayer was not my slighted,   it better plan attaining leaves last down to aid so tædious tasks of all mankind’s head?

[i23kazu]

I DO THE COOKING (i do the cleaning.)

warnings – none.  characters – zhongli, xiao, ayato, kazuha, thoma, childe, kaeya, diluc x gn!reader.  genre – romantic fluff.  a/n – malewives. enjoy | please reblog!! it rly helps a starter blog like me ><

[zhongli. | 钟离]

zhongli enjoys making you tea late at night. he starts his preparation as you take your time to wind down, taking his pick from a wide selection — perhaps a light, sweet jasmine should suffice for tonight, he thinks. zhongli also enjoys taking his time to clean. whilst his workplace desk may not be an accurate portrayal of his cleaning, your man is usually the one doing the cleaning in the household. cleaning is a purifiying ritual to him — for he knows that he is in control; and out with the old, in with the new. with every sweep comes a new space ready.   

[xiao. | 魈]

xiao likes to cook for you. between his duties of being a yaksha and protecting his home nation of liyue, xiao enjoys flipping through the messily-scrawled notes that smiley yanxiao had shoved into his hands before he left the inn. the yaksha takes pride in his almond tofu, setting the dish down and watching your face light up. as the years go by and the two of you adjust to living together, communal dinners become a norm, with the two of you cooking side by side. xiao doesn’t clean often, but he takes care to do the laundry because he knows that you absolutely despise doing it. 

[k. ayato. | 神里綾人]

the head of the kamisato clan is not one to claim the kitchen — as much as he’d like to be someone efficient with pots and pans, this man could.. burn water… but nevermind. dinnertimes usually consist of you cooking and him cleaning. (you’re thankful, though. cooking takes a lot out of you and honestly, you can’t imagine cooking for two AND cleaning up.) i’d like to think that ayato is more than happy to assist you with the cleaning as well. the man can literally mop, sweep, dance to dancing queen, and twirl you in his arms at the same time. ayato can be preeetty helpful around the house. 

[k. kazuha | 楓原万葉]

kazuha is actually not too bad at cooking. he’s travelled to liyue a lot with beidou, and so, xiangling and him met and they hit it off right away. he was more than happy to share inazuman cuisine with her and in turn, she taught him different liyuean dishes that quickly turned into the alcor’s favourites. he loves making you dinner, and the dishes on the table are typically a mix of inazuman comfort foods and more extravagant liyuean cuisine. on a good day (pepper him with enough kisses), he may just do the dishes for you too. ;)  

[thoma.]

mr fixer is definitely multi-talented — and both cooking and cleaning is right up his alley. thoma is able to cook a wide range of dishes because of his closeness to the kamisato clan head; meetings with foreign diplomats allow him to practice cooking dishes from wherever they’re from. his favourite dish to cook for you is a classic sweet madame, a favourite comfort food from his hometown of mondstadt. nothing much to say about his cleaning skills, for his title of housekeeper speaks for itself. he loves dancing with you in the living room as the two of you clean. 

[childe.]

since childe has many siblings, he grew up taking care of the household as well. he learnt to cook simple dishes for his siblings, and when they demanded more variety (childe loved them to the point of spoiling…), the ginger started to incorporate more foreign flavours, and he definitely brought it over to your relationship. he absolutely enjoys cooking you dishes from snezhnaya, especially hearty soups and salads. just like ayato, childe is a really good multitasker. years of carrying his siblings on his hip while cooking and cleaning have made it easy for him to talk/give you kisses/hug/dance while cooking and cleaning. more kisses for you :-) <3

[kaeya.]

kaeya hates cooking. he can barely scrape together a kebab, much less a roasted chicken... but if you're free, work alongside him and you just might save your dinner. kaeya enjoys sneaky kisses though, often tapping his cheek for another kiss right after the other. his favourite dishes to make are his usual kebabs (takes less than half an hour) or a satisfying salad (takes ten minutes to put together, or zero if you buy it from good hunter and put it on a plate). kaeya does the cleaning around the house well though, if he has enough time. put him in a maid dress watch him sweep and dust and twirl you around the living room, and suddenly, cleaning isn't so boring anymore.

[diluc.]

diluc actually really enjoys cooking. being the owner of dawn winery means that there are many meetings with foreign investors, most of whom would bring over foods from their homelands in order to win over his favour. some dishes stuck with him more than others, and soon, he was searching for recipes in lisa’s library. he sees food as ways connecting to people — knowing that it brings smiles and content conversations, he always enjoys cooking for you. diluc may not like cleaning, but he sees it as a necessity. he understands that a clean space means a clear mind, and clutter is a distraction to his efficiency. it doesn’t help that he’s always having people over too. but in the end, he really only does it for you. he knows you love clean spaces.

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[loveelle]

Booze Cruise

Jim Halpert x reader

Request from Anon: If that's okay I would like to request a Jim x f!reader one, where maybe they have been pining on eachother for a while, and while they are on that cruise on the lake that Michael organized in like season 2🤔 maybe they are walking alone on the deck and the ship does an abrupt steer that almost sends reader flying, Jim catches her and ya know, forced proximity = Jim kisses her and the two have now to come clean about their feelings?💕💕💕

A/N: I loved the Booze Cruise episode :)

WC: 1.7K

Master

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A booze cruise.

You should’ve expected Michael to organize something as silly as a Booze Cruise on a lake in January. When has your boss ever done something reasonable? To make matters worse, it seems you missed the memo to bring someone, although, it’s not like you had someone to bring if you remembered.

It made it even more worse seeing Jim show up to the dock with Katy on his arm.

You hate that you couldn’t hate her. She was nice and Jim seems to like her. The two of them had been hanging around with Pam and Roy all night and while they made it clear you could join them, you opt for getting some fresh air out on the ship’s deck, leaning on the rail and freezing. You couldn’t hear what was going on inside with Michael’s leadership talk, but that only made being out here better.

Except you couldn’t stop thinking about Jim.

Jim’s situation wasn’t any better. Katy seems to be more interested in talking to Roy and Jim couldn’t stop himself from glancing around the cabin for you every five seconds, only to come up empty. After a while of ignoring the conversation in front of him, he slides out of the booth.

“Anyone want anything to drink?” He asks but only receives 3 shakes of the head as he smiles politely, excusing himself to the bar. Captain Jack, the boats real captain was talking with Michael and Dwight when he arrives and asks the bartender for a beer. He doesn’t listen to what they’re talking about at first as he allows himself another look around, trying to find you somewhere amongst this mess from a new angle.

He sighs, turning to his boss and coworker to ask if they’ve seen you before he’s brought into their conversation by Captain Jack. “Suppose your office building is on fire, Jim. Who would you save?”

Jim knows the answer. It’s the only possible answer in his mind. He looks between Katy and the camera in front of him, however, as he thinks about an answer that he can say in front of everyone else. “Um, the customer.” He decides. “Cause the customer is king.” He sighs, leaning on the counter in front of him in defeat.

Captain Jack and Michael argue about Jim’s response, Michael slightly priding his worker and Captain Jack pointing out the obvious fact that Jim was sucking up. Jim wasn’t paying attention to them though, because he couldn’t stop thinking about the real answer to the question.

As a drunken Roy approaches the captain and throws his arm over his shoulder, Jim takes that as an easy escape. He heads back through the semi-rowdy cabin towards Katy, but he slows down, turning to the camera next to him. “You know what, I would save Y/N.” He slowly smiles, thinking about you. “I just wanted to clear that up.”

---

You should’ve brought gloves.

You breathe on your hands before stuffing them into your coat, considering heading inside for the briefest of moments before hearing someone laugh drunkenly and knowing that you’ve made the right choice with your solitude.

A warmer jacket would’ve been nice, too.

“You’re going to freeze.” You jump at Jim’s voice, clutching the railing in front of you before wincing at its coldness. Jim can’t help himself as he chuckles, moving closer to you and throwing the blanket he snagged when he saw you outside over your shoulders.

“Thank you.” You say quietly, smiling as Jim leans on the rail too, bumping his shoulder with yours. He smiles back at you before you offer a corner of the blanket over his shoulders and he happily accepts, threading his arm with yours to keep you close. You don’t even think as you lean your head on his shoulder, losing this moment with Jim.

It only occurs to you, after several minutes of close contact with Jim that the realization that your closeness could be misconstrued as something else, no matter if you wanted it to be true. You pull your head off his shoulder, looking down at the sparkling water entirely unaware of Jim’s eyes scanning the side of your face.

“I broke up with Katy.”

Your head snaps to look at his, your brows furrowing. You didn’t know what to say to him. He didn’t look necessarily upset with the fact they broke up and Jim was the one who broke up with her. Was it wrong a part of you hoped he did it for you? Most definitely. “I’m sorry.” You settle on saying. Jim lets out a breathy laugh, his lips quirking up as he glances out to the water before back to you.

Suddenly, for the first time in a long time, the atmosphere around you and Jim changes. Jim was single, and so were you. Jim notices it too. Neither of you say can say anything as you stay there, arms wrapped around each other under a blanket, staring into each other’s eyes instead of the starry sky above you. You forgot you were on a boat with the rest of your coworkers getting drunker by the second. The only point you remember was when the boat suddenly steers to the right and both Jim and you are knocked out of your trance.

You’re sent stumbling backwards and the only thing keeping you from landing on your ass was Jim reaching out and grabbing your hand. He pulls you into him and his hand moves behind your back to keep you upright, but as you quickly learn, it also brings you and Jim amazingly close, close enough that the only thing you could see was him, although that wasn’t much different from usual.

The ship levels and you and Jim are no longer struggling to stand up, but your distance doesn’t change.

Jim’s heart was racing and with you pressed against his chest, he had no clue how you couldn’t feel it. You were in his arms and you stay in his arms, even as the appropriate time to separate comes and passes.

You were beautiful and as the stars reflect perfectly in your eyes, Jim finds himself struggling to keep his gaze on them because all they can do is slowly drift down to your lips parted so slightly.

His head moves before his brain can scream at him to be logical about this situation. He’s kissing you, and much to Jim’s surprise and relief, you’re kissing back. His arm stays pulled around your waist as your hands move up his chest, bunching at his collar to pull him closer.

You’re kissing Jim Halpert for the first time. You’ve never wanted a moment to last forever as much as this one.

His forehead rests on yours when the kiss ends, but Jim’s lips find yours for another brief second after. Both Jim and your eyes stay closed as you take in the moment, realizing just what this meant for your relationship.

The silence is only broken when Jim pulls back, kissing your forehead as your eyes open to see him, smiling like a giddy idiot as you join him.

“We just kissed.” You whisper, unsure how to address this situation.

Jim clicks his tongue and nods, never losing his smile. “That we did.” Your hands move from clutching his collar to moving around his neck and putting your arms over his shoulder. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while.”

Your smile widens more and you didn’t know that was possible. “Yeah?” you whisper, feeling the distance between the two of you decrease again.

“Yeah.” Jim manages to get out just before your lips meet again. It’s not as desperate as the first time, but it was just as passionate, neither of you wanted to break the moment. But you do, taking a deep breath and chuckle lightly as you play with the bottom of Jim’s straggly hair.

“I’ve wanted to do it for a long time too.” Jim had no clue hearing you admit to wanting to kiss him would have had such an effect on him. But the way you smile at him and how your eyes desperately stared into his, he was sure he was making the same face.

He kissed you, twice. Even better, you just told him you’ve wanted to do it for a long time.

This was the moment Jim knew it was time to say the words he had been dreaming about saying to you. “I’m in love with you.”

For a moment, the thought that you just imagined him saying that crosses your mind, but as Jim’s breathing skips after his words, you knew it was real.

Jim Halpert loves you.

You want to say it back, to tell Jim that you love him more than you’ve loved anyone, but before you can, Jim keeps talking. “I’ve wanted to tell you for years,” He laughs nervously, “and if I would’ve known it would take Michael organizing a booze cruise to tell you then I would’ve put a suggestion in back when you were first hired.”

You chuckle, resting your head against his chest for a moment before looking up with a glowing grin. “And if I would’ve known it would take a Booze Cruise for us to kiss then I would’ve said something I should’ve when I was first hired.” Jim knows what it’s going to be, there’s really only one thing that it could be, but the nerves erupt in his stomach, nonetheless.

“And what’s that?” He bites the inside of his cheek.

“Our boss is really weird.” You declare and Jim can’t help but throw his head back as he laughs, feeling his nerves dissipate. You could see his nerves in his face and once he’s done laughing and looking much more relaxed, you finally say it. “I’m in love with you too, Jim.”

And as the ship pulls back into the dock, Jim and you share one last kiss under the stars, wishing more than anything that you had said those simple words years ago.

.

.

.

.

[glazesunflower]

“You’re lucky you’re cute”

Character: Ruby Rose x GN!Reader.

Warnings: Can be read as platonic too. No warnings, just fluff.

Notes: The request, “ "You're lucky you're cute" with Ruby if that's ok”.

The front door of your house opens with a quiet creek. As you set foot inside, you’re greeted by a sweet smell in the air, tickling your nose. You breath in deeply, letting the sugary scent fill your lungs and ease the tiredness of the day as you close the door behind you and make it through the corridor.

Why does it smell sweet?

You don’t remember making anything sweet for lunch earlier, and you haven’t bought any cakes from the convenience store. And today isn’t anyone’s birthday, so why the sweet smell?

Oh.

You enter the kitchen and suddenly everything makes sense. And everything is a mess, really. There’s flour all over the counter, a couple of cracked shell eggs, the oven is still open and there’s an obscene amount of chocolate chips lying around, too. You sigh, knowing full well it’s your job to clean this up later.

“Ruby, I’m home.” You call out as you make your way to the living room.

You find her cross-legged sitting on the couch, she’s biting her bottom lip, fidgeting with the controller in her hands as she fights what you assume to be a big boss in one of her favorite video games on the TV.

As soon as she hears your voice though, she sends the controller flying and you don’t have time to blink before she’s pouncing on you.

“You’re back!” She wraps her arms around your waist, nuzzling her forehead on your chest, cheerful. “I made something for you! The first batch came out a little weird-shaped so I did you the favor of eating them all and I made another batch for you. You’re welcome.”

“Is that so?” Ruby’s lips bloom into a smile when you pull apart, your hand resting on her head and gently caressing her dark hair. She leans to your touch. “The kitchen is a mess though. I trust you’ll help me clean it up, right?”

“Yes… We’ll do that later.” Ruby reluctantly says, her silver eyes quickly shifting from you to the cookies that rest all nicely-put on the living room table. She picks one up and reaches out to you, a happy smile drawn on her lips. “Come on, try them!”

You take the cookie from her hand and take a bite. Your eyes widen at the sweet taste.

“It’s really good, Ruby.” You say, and her silver eyes gleam with pride. “What are we celebrating?”

“Ah, nothing in particular. You just seemed a bit tired lately and I wanted to cheer you up.” Ruby says, picking up another cookie and eating it herself. “Did it do the trick?”

“Yes. Yes, it did.” You say, palming her face delicately, her silver eyes following your movements. You brush her cheek with your thumb, your heart filled with warmth. “Thank you, Ruby. That means so much.”

“Hee-hee, I’m glad!” Ruby smiles, leaning into your palm. “Does that mean I don’t have to clean the kitchen, though? Since I’ve been so nice and all.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” You press a kiss to her hair, the dark locks tickling your nose. Ruby looks up at you, her silver eyes big and sparkling. “But the answer is no. Now, come over here and help me clean up before we get all snuggly on the couch!”

If you enjoyed this, please consider liking or reblogging it <3!

You can check more of my writing on (this link!). Thank you!

[solarwonux]

59.  “I’m still sore from last night.”

single dad!jungkook x f!reader

w.c: 2.3k

warnings: fluff, non-penetrative unprotected sex. Jungkook thinks too much lol.

note: hello, first and foremost, THANK YOU FOR 1K. I’m over the moon honestly, I found out while I was on my mini vacation and it just made it 10x better so thank you so much. Anyway, I hope you like this one, it was so much fun to write, let me know your thoughts. Send me a prompt or two if you’d like. hehe <3

sequel

MASTERLIST || PROMPTS

The single ray of light peeked through the slit of Jungkook’s dark curtains, making his eyelids flutter open in discomfort. He sat up on his elbows, looking over at your splayed-out body occupying the usual empty spot next to him. Arm lying lazily around his midriff and leg wrapped around his waist. In a poor attempt to hold him hostage. He could easily slip out without waking you up, but this was a rare sight for him. You in his bed, hair messily fanning out against his dark pillows, and his sheets hanging off your naked body. Your skin glowing under the peeking sun rays of the morning sun, painting tiny sunspots all over your body. 

It was a rare sight for him because you rarely stayed over, and he wanted to revel in the quiet and still moment as much as he could. As much as you allowed him to do so. Before you woke up panicking peeling your limbs away from his body in a frantic sleepy search for your clothes that occupied every inch of his one-bedroom loft.

He was outgrowing it in every sense of the word. Last week he had to replace the crib in the far with a twin-sized bed, leaving little room to comfortably move around it. It had been proven to him last night when you accidentally bumped your knee into the corner of his daughter’s bed while you helped him clean up his place, while she was away at her grandparents for the weekend. 

It was why you had shamelessly decided to stay over. It was why he was able to wake up next to you. Why he was contemplating on waking you up so the two of you could hunt for apartments together. Why he had been turning the same sentences over in his head, looking for the right way to ask you to move in with him. To marry him. Would asking the two questions side by side be too overwhelming, or will knocking two birds with one stone be the right thing to do?

He didn’t know, this was all new to him. Haneul’s mother didn’t want her, didn’t love her and left her to him before disappearing without a trace. You were the first person he called when he arrived at the hospital to pick her up. Having his daughter in his arms, a daughter he had no idea he had until that morning, was terrifying and in the midst of his breakdown, he dialed your number. You were his best friend back then, now you were his girlfriend and the only mother Haneul had ever and will ever know. He wanted everything to be official but he didn’t know how or if he should.

Frustrated, he lays down again, running his hand down his torso until it reaches your hand. He walks his fingers up your arm in a ghostlike matter, while humming quietly, contemplating the ever-present questions that he always found himself swallowing. It was never the right time, but the right time never seemed to come, so maybe he should just blurt it out and then hide away. 

“Good morning,” you croak, sleep still present in your voice. A smile creeps onto Jungkook’s face, his thoughts fleeting to hide in the back of his mind again. He turns to face you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close. 

“Good morning my beautiful girlfriend.” He hums leaving a gentle kiss on the tip of your nose before burying his head in your neck. You smelled like green tea and white sage; the scent of your body lotion and him. It made him feel calm. Though if he were to ever express that thought out loud you would just say that it was the work of your stress-free body lotion. But no, you smelled, felt like home to him and it made him feel calm. 

You twinkle your fingers down his bare back, the gnawing emptiness in the pit of your stomach returns. Your alone time with him was coming to an end and you hated it. “I have to get up, I have to go.” You whisper, planting a gentle kiss on the crown of his head. 

Jungkook makes a disappointed sound, tightening his hold around you. “No five more minutes.” He whines kissing down your neck and lifts his head. A smug smile painting his beautiful features. “I can convince you to stay.” He quirks a brow, rolling his hips into yours. 

“Babe.” You place a hand on his chest, your head hitting his pillow again, as the pleasure overtakes your body. “I-I can’t, I’m still sore from last night.” You breathe out as he grinds his half-hard cock against you. 

He hums, chest swelling up in disgusting testosterone-filled pride. He knows he rocked your world a few times last night. Still remembers how he had you screaming louder than usual underneath him, enough to have his neighbors banging furiously against his wall. “We don’t have to go all the way, we can just stay like this.” He whispers, kissing your temple, grinding his hips against yours experimentally. It was slow and careful. He didn’t want to work himself up to full mast without your verbal agreement. Jungkook always respected your boundaries and he knew your body better than anyone you had allowed to touch you in the past. So, if you were to tell him no as much as he wanted you not to he would stop without a complaint ever leaving his lips. 

You smile and push him down, straddling him. “Okay but relax, I could literally hear you thinking while I was still sleeping.” You roll your hips, your clit brushing against the tip of his fired-up cock.

He lets out a pleasure-filled sigh, resting his hands on your ass, “I got a lot to think about.” He winks before moving up his bed resting his back against the headboard of his bed, your chest now against his. “Keep going, I want to paint your pretty lips with my cum.” He mumbles kissing your cheek. 

“For a dad, you’re always horny. I thought having a kid would kill your sexual prowess.” You sigh running your wet pussy over his cock harder, your lips fluttering around him, ready to take him in fully. 

He laughs, bucking his hips against yours, a whimper falling out of your lips. “It did at first, remember?” He hisses when your clit brushes up against his angry head again. He wants to be inside you so badly, but he knows he’s already pushing it just with this, though, he can’t complain. When it comes to you, everything was euphoric. 

You nod, looking down at him with hooded lust-filled eyes, resting your palms against his shoulders to use him as leverage to go faster. “Y-Yeah, you couldn’t get it up for the longest time, now I swear, f-fuck, it doesn’t stay down.” You rest your forehead against his. 

Jungkook moves his hand between your bodies, his thumb on your clit, rubbing slow careful circles, making you jolt. “I can’t help it, you’re so sexy, everything you do is sexy.” 

“Mmm, don’t stop please.” You arch your back, your hard nipples brushing against his. The bars decorating them still catch you off guard. They had been an on the whim decision back in college during a particularly stressful finals week. You had held his hand throughout the entire piercing process and wiped away his tears as he made you swear not to tell anyone he cried in pain and came in his pants all at the same time. You did and have kept his secret ever since. Now using the ladder against him during sex.

He rubbed your clit fast, his cock trapped between the wet lips of your pussy, quiet pants falling out of chapped lips. The pleasure was building fast against the pit of your stomach, “I’m close baby, are you?” 

Jungkook hummed, grabbing hold of your hips and rolling them against him. The change of rhythm was much more intimate and arousing. There was no space between the two of you, your clit was brushing against the short course hairs against his mound, and it was driving you insane.

“Yes, baby, do you want me to pull away?” 

“No, no want to feel you close Kook.” You threw your head back, pulling on his hair, letting your desperate need take over your body. 

Jungkook moaned your name silently, moving your hips faster chasing both of your highs, “Gonna let me cum on you my sweet girl, gonna let me paint you with my cum. God, I wish I could fuck it into you after, but we can stop here, just let go please.” He bit down on your neck, making you arch your back. 

“Oh my-, I’m cumming Jungkook f-fuck.” You whimpered, letting your orgasm take over, moving your pussy harder against his cock, riding out your high. You looked so beautiful and fucked out, the image burning brightly inside the corner of his brain that kept all the dirty versions of you. Your swollen clit rubs over him one last time before he’s cumming. Hot sputters of his sticky white essence coating your cunt and his abdomen, your eyes wide as you watch him spill himself all over you, the immorality of it all, enough to get you going again if you could. 

“That was sexy.” Jungkook pants, making you roll your eyes. He leaves a delicate kiss against your collar bone before looking at you with soft doe pleading eyes. You never understood how he could have the dirtiest things spewing out of his mouth one second and the next he’s looking at you the same way Haneul does whenever she wants a chocolate bar before dinner. “Did I convince you to stay longer?” 

“Yes, but I might consider it more if you tell me what’s been bothering you since yesterday.” You tilt your head and stand up. Jungkook blushes when he truly assesses the mess the two of you had made, making his cock twitch at the sight. “Join me in the shower?” 

“Wait.” He wraps his fingers around your wrist and pulls you down on his lap again. “Not yet, wait a while please.” 

“Jungkook as much as I wanted to be covered in your cum, it’s a little gross to just stay here cuddling.” You pout, running your hands through his hair pushing his dark bangs back. 

“I know but,” he chews on his bottom lip, the questions from earlier return and he wonders if this is the right time. You sitting on his lap covered in his cum, or if he should wait until after the two of you have showered. This was truly driving him crazy and there was no way to hide from you because you knew him better than anyone else in this entire world.

“Babe, you're thinking again and loud. What’s wrong?” You run your index finger down the side of his, tracing the tiny minuscule freckles on his cheek connecting them. 

“This is so hard, I don’t know how to just ask you to marry me and move in with me. It’s been driving me up the wall for like two weeks now. And like I don’t even have the ring yet, because it’s still being made, but they told me it would take only two weeks and it’s been a month because they’re backed up but that’s okay because they're short on staff. But I wish I had everything with me because I want everything to be perfect, you deserve perfect always and fuck, I-I just want you here forever by my side. By Haneul’s side because you make us complete and god, I don’t know how to ask you.”

There was a brief silence before you’re bending over laughing against his chest. Jungkook is left there sitting dazed and confused holding you as you laughed against him. Did he say something funny?

“Jungkook, I think you just asked me?” You lift your head, placing a hand against your chest trying to calm your nervous laughter and the pounding over your heart. 

“Fuck,” he hits the palm of his hand with his forehead, his neck flushing red from embarrassment. “I didn’t want to ask you like that please, just forget about it.” He pleads sadly, tears brimming in the corner of his eyes. He wants the ground to swallow him whole. 

“I don’t want you to.” You say stubbornly wrapping your arms around his neck, “and I want to say yes I will move in and marry you, will you let me?” Your fingers play with the hair resting on the back of his neck making him shiver. 

He’s looking at you wide-eyed and in shock, “are you sure? We can forget about it and I can ask you when we’re not covered in cum and I have everything. I’ll even write a speech.” He says fast, his heart beating hard against his chest, threatening to fall out. The only other time he’s felt this way was when he held Haneul in his arms for the first time ever. 

You shake your head, pecking his lips softly, scrunching your nose, remembering that two of you still hadn’t brushed your teeth yet. “I don’t want a do-over, this was perfect, I mean I still want my ring so I can show it off, but this was perfect. It was us.”  

He lets out a sigh of relief, his shoulders falling forward, letting the tension leave his body. He was stressed out for no reason. “I love you so much,” 

“I love you, now can we shower?” 

“Yes, and then we can get breakfast and pick up Haneul together?” 

“Sounds like a dream come true.”

[bumbleklee]

how genshin characters would react to you have suicidal thoughts or self-harm thoughts

masterlist | 1k prompt masterlist | discord server

★ request for @ranbalsa <3 sorry this is so delayed, pls forgive me

★ content warning: this could be extremely triggering for some! there will be mentions of suicidal and self-harm thoughts as well as mentions of self-harm scars (national suicide prevention hotline: 800-273-8255)

★ characters included: beidou, fischl, lisa, jean, ningguang, kaeya, venti, albedo, zhongli, childe and diluc - these can be interpreted as platonic or romantic

beidou

if i had to choose one word to describe beidou, it would be caring

between the way people talk so highly about her in their voice lines to the little kids that like to play pirates and are always talking about how she gives them candy, it’s clear beidou is a very kindhearted person

so if you were having bad thoughts about hurting yourself, beidou would stop what she was doing and get you on her ship in no time

she figured that being out in the middle of the sea gave you no chance to actually hurt yourself + the waves and serenity were sure to calm you

she would spend the entire trip by your side, whispering how important you were to her and everyone back home and how foolish it would be if you took your own life

she would also get down to the root of the issue and try to give you as much advice as possible

beidou would finally sail back home once she decided you were stable again

fischl

i think fischl probably deals with some of these issues herself since her whole personality is based off a story book

but speaking of that, if you go to fischl in a state of panic i think she would sit you down on her bedroom floor and read you a book

her calming voice mixed with the distraction of a fairytale would help your breathing even out and you would ultimately forget about those thoughts you were having

if the story didnt help, then she would just talk to you about anything and everything

she might even invite bennett and razor over and four of you could make a little powow in her living room to make you feel better about yourself

lisa

even hearing you mention hurting yourself would send lisa into a “motherly mode” 

she may not seem like it, but she cared deeply for everyone in mondstadt and never wanted anyone to hurt like that - especially you

like fischl, lisa would probably try distracting you with a book

she would take you into the library and pick out some novels or stories that would take your mind off your previous thoughts

she would sit with you and when you were ready, talk to you about why you were feeling the way you were and what she could do to help

she’s a smart women and if there’s one thing she understands more than anything, its you

jean

she panics

not on purpose, of course. but if jean walks in you harming yourself or hears you say something worrying, she would panic

she was never good in situations like this, afraid she would say the wrong thing and upset you more

but at the end of the day, jean was jean and she always smacked some sense into herself to properly help you through this bump in the road

jean would get down to the root of your issue and work her way out from there

to help you feel better, jean would order a pizza and let you indulge in it with her and after that, she would listen to you vent about what was making you upset

jean is also good at passing off tasks she knew she wouldn’t be able to handle which means if jean thought she seriously couldn’t help you, she would get someone who could

your wellbeing is more important than her pride

ningguang

she wouldn’t understand at first

it would be a lie to say ningguang didn’t live in a fantasy bubble sometimes

she cared about you, yes, but never experienced your pain before and had trouble grasping it right away

but once she did, she was very attentive 

if you wanted medical help, ningguang would hire the best doctors in teyvat to help you through this

if you didn’t, then ningguang would do her very best to console you

she would try to distract you with lavish gifts and expensive dinners and while it was nice being spoiled by her, it didn’t make your problems go away

the last thing ningguang wanted was for you to hurt yourself so like jean, if she needed to bring in a professional to help, she would

kaeya

he would find out about your bad habit by walking in on you self harming

he was freaking out on the inside but stayed calm on the outside, coaxing you away from the blade and helping you clean up your wounds

you would be a nervous wreck for a while and kaeya would hold you in his arms

like jean, he would try and get to the root of the issue and find out why you were feelings these things

he loved you more than anything and he wouldn’t know what he would do if you succeeded in taking your own life one day

on that day onwards, kaeya was determined to make you happy again

he puts your needs before his and does everything in his power to make sure you’re always okay

and if you relapse, kaeya never gets mad. he understands this is a hard cycle to break but he’s determined to help you through it

venti

he might be more upset than you

venti treated you like the archon in the relationship and when you revealed to him you were having suicidal thoughts, his world came crashing down

he blamed himself for a while and drank a lot more at diluc’s tavern but after a stern warning from diluc, venti realized this was doing nothing for either of you

he spent his days with you, walking you around mondstadt and showing you beautiful flowers and cool bugs

his goal was to show you the beauty of the world and convince you that taking your own life would prevent you from experiencing more 

if you self harmed, venti would kiss your scars and make you bracelets made out of cecilia flowers to cover the marks

albedo

he would accidentally be insensitive, at least at first. your relationship was new to him and he was still trying to figure out all of his emotions so when you made a comment about suicide, he took it densely

he didn’t understand why someone would want to kill themselves and told you that exactly

it was only after sucrose snapped at him and explained how you were feeling that albedo screwed his head on right

after apologizing, he would try his best to help you

he would create new potions that might help with your depression or other mental disorders and document your moods and feelings to help him understand what you were going through

it was difficult and sucrose added in a lot of support as well

zhongli

he noticed your self harm scars the minute you two got close but being the respectful man he is, he never pointed them out

he let you come to him and explain them yourself

if you pick up self harming later in your relationship, zhongli is quick to notice and take action

as aggravating as it was, zhongli hid all sharp objects in your apartment and took charge if you needed any of them for something

he made you promise to go to him if you were having thoughts of hurting yourself again

zhongli would make you tea infused with herbs to help worries and bring you relaxation and (in small amounts) happiness

he would take walks with you around liyue if you were having urges and let you cry into his chest in frustration 

this was childe’s idea but if you needed to do something badly, zhongli would take you into an abandoned part of liyue and create fragile, thin rocks for you to smash onto the ground and satisfy that need

childe

having five siblings, he knew how to handle suicidal thoughts

his older sister went through a similar phase like you were now and childe would help you based on how he helped her

childe liked to wrap you in blankets so tightly you couldn’t move, the pressure calming you down and usually causing you to fall asleep

he gives you so, so, so many compliments during this time. he’s so proud of you and so in love with your strength

he wants you to stay with him forever so he’s determined to get these thoughts out of your head 

if you attempt, childe will not leave your side

he’ll stay with you throughout your infirmary visit and even when you’re discharged back home

he’s scared of loosing you

like ningguang, he’ll shower you in gifts to make you feel special 

diluc

like jean, he panics

he thinks it’s his fault somehow and you have to heartbreakingly explain that its not, that your brain is just wired differently 

diluc tries to keep you by his side at all times for a while

he takes you to work with him so you can sit at the bar or he’ll have you walk around with him through the grape vines in the evening

you wake up more often than not to his strong arms around you and as annoying at it is, it’s comforting to know someone loves you this much

he’s afraid of loosing you like he lost his father

diluc was good at shutting down rumors as well. if you had scars, people would talk and diluc would give them one nasty glare and they would shut up

at the end of the day, he just wanted you to be okay

[mrs-march-ahs]

What’s the evans favorite food?

Which Evan Cooks The Best?

and their favourite food!

In order, beginning with the most incompetent cook in the world, to Ramsey Junior <3

Enjoy!

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Kai Obviously a food whore, that’s canon. But he cannot cook. He thinks cooking is a woman’s job. He is literally incapable of scrambling an egg. He does not know how to turn the stove on. If he tried, he would get frustrated at every part of it. Kai in the kitchen is a bunch of swear words and hands waving around from him touching the food with his hands and then getting burnt. His favourite food is pizza and sloppy joes. Finger food because he doesn’t know how to use a knife and fork. Using a knife and fork is for Gays™.

Tate Tate likes to be in the kitchen and likes the aura of cooking, but he does not like to cook himself. He enjoys sitting at the kitchen island like the little princess he is and watching. You can give him something to chop but he will take an hour to chop a carrot. The only repetitive task that Tate is okay at is peeling potatoes. That’s because Constance told him when he was younger, “Wow! I’ve never seen someone peel potatoes as fast as you!”. She kisses him on the forehead and ever since then he prides himself in how well he peels potatoes, not knowing that Constance is smirking in her grave. His favourite food is alfredo pasta.

James Obviously, being a classy man, he likes eating classy food. Porkchops, gravy, meals that he can tell took a while to prepare. He definitely pretends he likes caviar and crackers. He is very useless at cooking but it is okay because he is a ghost who doesn’t need to eat. His favourite food is pork or lamb and wine. Especially the wine.

Pre-Cult Kai He’s useless, but it’s not weaponised incompetence like it is with Cult Kai. Baby just is impatient. He can’t do things by himself. He burns everything he cooks alone because he only uses high heat. He burns toast honestly. But he tries. He’s a very good helper because he’s obedient as hell. His favourite food is spaghetti. Especially his mom’s spaghetti.

Jimmy Cannot cook. Jimmy is definitely the Evan that likes to eat something weird as hell like pickles and peanut butter. His mom still makes him sandwiches for breakfast, and wraps them up in clingfilm for him for the next few days. Momma’s boy. He ‘can make food’ if you class peanut butter sandwiches and instant oatmeal as food. He would try to cook you a meal, but it wouldn’t go right. It would be burnt and raw at the same time. He would probably still eat it though. Nasty. His favourite food is your ass.

Kit He will eat anything. Kit is by far the most grateful eater. He appreciates that you stay at home and cook for him, and he respects that staying at home is a full time job. If you don’t stay at home and still cooks for him, then he appreciates that too. He will take you out every so often with little bits of saved up money so you can take a break. He’s not completely useless, but he can’t make a whole meal by himself. He can make scrambled eggs and French toast, purely for the purpose of making you and the kids breakfast in bed. He'll help bringing groceries in, cleaning up, and throwing away trash after a big meal. He’ll help as much as he can without touching the stove. He prefers to help you and the kids bake. He finds the process more calming and sweet. Plus he likes pastries. His favourite food is mash potatoes, chicken and gravy. He also loves any type of ethnic food and French pastries. I feel like when you’re making a big meal (let’s say thanksgiving), he walks past and asks how you’re doing just so he can eat a spoonful of mash potatoes every time.

Peter Sugar. Sugar sugar sugar. He absolutely lives off sandwiches and wraps. Chicken nuggets, oven baked pizza, takeaways. He can totally take care of himself, but he just doesn’t really cook. I think he can, he just doesn’t. As a kid he always helped his mom and Wanda make Sokovian food so he knows how to make it. But cooking takes too long for his liking. His favourite food is twinkies.

Colin Colin makes food for you. He’s the only Evan that regularly, every day, cooks for himself. Occasionally he orders some food or pops somewhere to get food on the way back from work to eat it. After a really long day he likes to get a burger or fried chicken or something and eat it in front of the television where he also falls asleep. But most of the time, he’s pretty good at making food. He has maybe 5 things that he likes to make for himself and he makes them in rotation until he’s perfected them and he gets sick of them. His favourite food is also spaghetti. He can make it by himself, but it doesn’t go the way he wants. He sometimes asks his mom for help. Or you, of course. He also loves strawberries and cream in anything. Cheesecake, cake, ice cream, all of it. He’ll happily lick whipped cream off your nipples.

Kyle He knows expertly how to make a handful of dishes and he loves making them for the people he loves. He likes cooking when he knows exactly what he’s doing, and likes when you help him, so he can spend time with you. He’ll probably make you chop things or do something repetitive. He definitely talks like the two of you are on a cooking show. “So this is called roux”. He makes really good fried chicken. He definitely finishes your food if at a restaurant you don’t finish it. But since he’s in a frat, and they have food made for them, he doesn’t really need to cook. Kyle is just a foodie, therefore if there is food, he will eat it. If there is not, he will make it. If food has a million fans, he is one of them. If food has ten fans, he is one of them. If food has only one fan then that’s him. If food has no fans that means he is no longer on Earth. If the world is against food, he is against the world. His favourite food is Creole jambalaya or chicken sandwiches.

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thx for the gif @shlutnutt :*