#//this one was somehow not gruesome and super gruesome at the same time lol

[opheliajupiter99]

A Word to the Wise Pt.4

Things were truly getting grim for the gaggle of carnies at this point. Gricko was still near catatonic from trauma, Hootsie dead, and now, Gideon missing in the dead of night, his chain marks leading into the forest the only evidence of him left behind. They of course followed the trail, to try and see where it led, but quickly found that after a few feet, the trail stopped, as if the Genasi had been lifted into the air, or somehow vanished mid-drag.

Even stranger was that there were no footprints, to indicate somehow had physically dragged the Genasi, despite the fact the trail clearly indicated that. How would someone even drag him in the first place? The man was immense, not to mention how violently he'd no doubt react to someone trying to capture him, all things considered.

The camp is in shambles at this point, Kremy trying to keep his wits and calm everyone down, even as tears flowed down his cheeks, flowing too freely for him to effectively hide them. Torbek was on the verge of a panic attack, which only elevated the others anxiety, considering what could potentially be unleashed if he felt too threatened, which was only doubled by Twig beginning to crack as well.

Frost, as expected, showed the least response visually. Unlike Kremy, he didn't actively try to show little emotion, it just kind of happened. Yes, he was taught to control his emotions and do his best to not let them get out of hand, but even with that, he had what many might dub a 'resting bitch face' - or at least what Gideon might dub it. Inside though, his mind was only little above the others in terms of cracking.

He was of the highest magical prowess among them, and yet despite that, despite the kind of responsibility that came with, despite his constant efforts to keep them all safe, his found family was crumbling at the seams. In truth, most of the damage thus far was already caused when he peered into Gricko's mind and beheld Hootsie's fate. The sound of her last little hoot still echoed in his ears, as he quietly stared off into the fire while the others bickered and sobbed.

He was growing worried that they couldn't best whatever was going on - but he was rather ashamed that, that wasn't even what scared him most. What scared him most, was the idea that whatever had come to butcher them all one by one...would leave him for last. That he'd have to watch each and every one of his family die horribly, before his own time came. Or even worse...perhaps the beast wouldn't kill him at all; simply leave him all alone, as he begged to be reunited with his lost kin.

This thought couldn't help but consume him as he drifted off to sleep. After everything that had happened, he fully anticipated a gruesome nightmare, but...he didn't expect what happened instead*

He slept remarkably peacefully, and awoke sometime the next morning, sitting up in his cot and rubbing his eyes, before opening them. His eyes widened, and his face was stricken with panic-*

Every single cot around him was empty. Kremy's was torn slightly, stuffing poking out from claw marks, as if he'd tried in vain to fight back, Torbek's was coated in splatters of Witchlight, along with shards of shattered glass, Gricko's left with little struggle at all, which was somehow more chilling, like he'd simply surrendered to be with his dearest daughter, and Twig's was torn apart so violently that it was little more than shreds of scattered fabric and stuffing, Pigtunia nowhere to be seen either.

He....was alone. Nothing but the faint embers of the dying fire, and utter, deafening silence. His heart pounded, as his panicked gaze darted around, trying in desperation to find any sign of them, but to no avail. In fact, gazing around only enhanced his dread, as his eyes caught on Hootsie's cot, which was now in front of his own, despite its usual placement beside Gricko's.

He let out a sob, putting his paws over his eyes, bursting into tears. Who even -was- he without his family?! Just some pompous, sagely fool that had only to offer the world knowledge nobody gave a flying fuck about! Facts and wisdom that meant his only true friends would be some dusty library or wizard's tower, damned to be interacted with only out of sheer necessity, those that finding him searching for any excuse to leave as quickly as they had arrived.

He sobbed violently, clutching his head so tightly his claws began to dig into the sides of his head. He sobbed - then the sobs turned to deranged cackling, letting his head go as his arms hung limply at his sides, fingers-stained crimson, as both tears and blood flowed freely down his face as he stared up at the sky, bellowing, humorless laughs filling the air around him, as the weight of his fate fully fell upon him.

As his mind unraveled, he saw the cot before him twitch out of the corner of his eye. He looked towards it, still softy giggling under his breath as he stared. The cot, now that he looked closer at it, didn't look empty at all...and then-

The lumpy cot began to heave, up and down, as if something was breathing beneath the blanket, and he heard a tiny, hooting voice sobbing, muffled beneath the blanket. This sent him into another fit of giggling sobs, hugging himself tightly as tears flowed anew; he knew what was happening now. He was losing his mind; he could feel it. He pondered if his friends were even gone at all, or if they were clustered around him right now, watching him giggle-cry at nothing.

Then suddenly, with a sharp tear as fabric split apart, sending a puff of stuffing into the air, the cot split open, like oversized prey bursting forth from a snake's stomach. A tall, slim figure pulled itself free from the remnants of the cot, tuffs of fluff falling from its form as it stood to its full height.

A clown.

A tall, slender clown stood before the broken Tabaxi, his arms and legs almost comically long, like a stilt entertainer at a circus, while his middle was somewhat rounded, poofy like a clown suit. His form was white, with multicolored polka dots dotted all over, what appeared to be just a suit so firmly clung to his form, that it looked more like its flesh than an actual costume. Its hands were clown gloves, puffy and bright white, but the fingers were long, coming to a clawed point, looking almost like the spindly legs of a spider, as the beast clacked them together.

It knelt down, getting its painted face, with wide, pupilless eyes, and a lipsticked mouth full of razor-sharp teeth, right up to his own. Frost just stared back, breathlessly giggling as his reddened eyes stared right back into its; its gaze so empty, so soulless, and yet somehow, also filled with immersible glee.

"J-Just...j-just do it!" The poor sorcerer says between mad giggling. The clown giggled in return, the sound shrill, like the feral cackle of a hyena. He grabbed the back of Frost's head tightly, leaning in further, to the point Frost could see nothing but the clown's horrid visage.

"No, no, silly Frosty! We're not done playing our game yet! There's so much more FUN to be had!!"

The carnies woke in the morning once more, but this time, Frost remained his cot. However, they were unable to wake him, no matter how much they begged from tears. While Gricko was traumatized but conscious, Frost was now, full blown catatonic, unclear if he was even registering everything that was happening around him, just lying there, his slowly rising and falling chest the only indication he was alive at all.

After all, killing him now would spoil the fun.

[enbyprentiss]

Anxiety

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: Spencer Reid x GN!BAU!Reader

Warnings: None:)

also, I’m working on your guys’ requests so expect new things soon. i promise i didn’t forget about those lol:)

--

Y/N and Spencer had shared a room before. As far as the team was concerned, they were taking him off of their hands. Not that they minded, that’s what best friends are for. Yup, just two best friends who definitely didn’t want to be anything more. At least that’s what they had convinced themselves into believing. 

So, yes, sharing rooms like this was nothing new but did it make the both of them nervous wrecks? Yes. Was this also unfortunate to their poor teammates stuck in the room(s) next to them? Also yes. Why? Because they were both widely known for staying up incredibly late. Playing cards, debating about whatever their hearts desired, running down the halls and back from the vending machine trying their best not to let their giggles escape, and then laughing so hard that one of them (usually Spencer) falls off the bed once they get back to their room, which only makes them laugh harder to the point that it hurts. Even occasionally jumping on the bed like they’re two 13-year-olds at a sleepover. See, that was one of the many things Spencer loved about Y/N. They didn’t just think of him as some super-human computer. They always appreciate his intelligence, of course. But to them, he was so much more. They always brought out his inner-child that he wasn’t afraid to show in front of someone for once. And one of their favorite things to do together, whether it be in some random hotel in some random state, or one of their apartments was watch horror films together. 

And usually, they would just laugh at how predictable they all are. Spencer rambling on about statistics and how all the characters should’ve seen it coming and Y/N listening closely to what he had to say just like they always did. But not this time. Well, Spencer still rambled on that’s just who he is. Which means he didn’t notice Y/N clutching the bed sheets tighter and their eyes widening while they actively tried to disguise their fear. They didn’t know what was different this time. Maybe it was the particularly gruesomeness of this case. Or just this particular film. Either way it didn’t change that they were scared absolutely shitless. 

Which also means that once they had both finished their nightly routines and climbed into bed, as far apart as they could possibly get so that they wouldn’t have to acknowledge any feelings, that Spencer was completely fine and Y/N was buzzing with anxiety. They tried to focus on the way his breathing evened out to silence their thoughts, not that that was working because it definitely wasn’t. 

Spencer sighed, “Y/N are you ok? You’ve been tapping your foot against the bed for like 20 minutes and it’s somehow moving the entire thing.”

“Yeah--yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.”

He furrowed his brow to himself, still facing the other way from them, until it hit him, “Oh, my God. You’re scared, aren’t you?”, he let out a soft laugh.

“Pfft--I am not! Shut up!”

He sat up to face them, and they could just slightly make out the smile on his face in the darkness, “You totally are!”

“Fine! Yes, obviously I am. How are you not? Did we even watch the same fucking movie?!”

“Y/N, we catch real killers and see real bodies every day.”

“And?! What’s your point?”

“That you shouldn’t be afraid of some stupid movie with fake killers and fake bodies. If anything, you should be scared of the real thing.”

“Oh, gee thank you so much, Spence. That’s really helping me.”, they rolled their eyes.”

“Ok, sorry. My point is that even if the movie was real, you shouldn’t be scared. I’ve seen you tackle full grown men that are easily double your size. I’m pretty sure you have nothing to worry about.”, he chuckled.

“Still! We’re in pitch black darkness and we’re both heavy sleepers so who knows if we would even register someone coming in here before we get murdered in our sleep and--”, they rambled and kept bouncing their leg. And in an uncharacteristic surge of bravery, Spencer scooted closer to them and swallowed them up in his lanky arms, which place their head against his chest.

“There. Better?”

Y/N froze for a second, a blush creeping onto their cheeks, “Uh-huh.”, they stuttered slightly.

“Good. Now, if we get murdered in our sleep, we’ll die together.”

They thought about telling him that they would’ve died together anyway, but now that some evidence had been put forward that their neglected feelings were mutual, they weren’t going to ruin it. Instead, listening to the soft thrum of his heart beat and syncing their breathing pattern with his.

“Goodnight, Spence.”

“Goodnight, Y/N. Oh, and if you have nightmares, please don’t kick the shit out of me like you usually do.”, he huffed out a small laugh.

“I will do my best. No promises, though.”

--

They must have switched places at some point during the night, as Y/N woke up with Spencer’s head now against their chest and a click of a camera accompanied by the giggles of Emily and Morgan.

“What the fuck are you guys doing?”

“We’ve been looking for you and Pretty Ricky for the past ten minutes.”

“And this--”, Emily held out her phone with the picture of the two of them on it, “is going straight to one Miss Penelope Garcia. She has had her money on the two of you for months.”

“You guys placed bets on us? For what?”

“When you guys would finally wake the hell up and admit your feelings.”

“Ok, whatever.”, Y/N sighed, “Just--shhh.”, they tilted their head towards one supposed sleeping Spencer and shooed Derek and Emily away.

Once the hotel door clicked shut, they turned their attention back to Spencer and brushed some of the light brown curls out of his face gently. Which is when they also noticed the small smile on his face, “You’re awake aren’t you?”

They watched as he tried to suppress his giggles and playfully rolled their eyes, “I really hate you sometimes.”, they kicked the blankets off and got up.

“Oh, please. You love me and you know it!”

Damn, Spencer Reid, for always being right.

[dreamties]

Slashers W/ a Soft Pastel S/O

A/n - So this one actually wasn’t requested, I just thought it would be super cute. And what I mean by “Soft Pastel”, I mean being into soft/pastel/kawaii fashion, I just didn’t know how to phrase it. Since there’s so many subcultures.

Trigger Warning: Slight Cursing (I say f*ck)

Also- these are gender neutral, but a few describe you in skirts/dresses, so if you’re not comfy with that, just skip that part or the whole thing?? :/

I might do more like this for other types of alternative fashion- like punk or something? Or a S/O who has a lot of body mods, I think it would be fun.

Characters: Billy/Stu, The Lost Boys, Helen Lyle, Daniel Robitaille/Candyman, Brahms Heelshire, and Amanda Young.

I didn’t add Michael Myers, but can do so if y’all want it. I just think he’d be very indifferent about it...didn’t think that would be very fun to read.

Billy Loomis + Stu Macher

Stu would be the most like into your outfits

Billy? Not so much. he just thinks you look cute in everything.

but if you did more guro-kawaii looks? they would both be all over that shit. 

it combines more of the grotesque in with the cute- which is just perfect for the boys. they get to see you dawned in all sorts of blood, guts/gore, bandage patterns/aesthetics.

and maybe even tying in different monster-ish elements. 

like wearing funky white or other unnatural colored contacts, really intense makeup(especially around the eyes), and fuck it, maybe you’re wearing faux demon horns.

I think they’d find it kinda hot. if we’re being perfectly honest here.

Now- would you able to get them into it as well?

Stu will ask you, with excitement reverberating throughout out his body and his voice. of course he want’s to at least try it!

so many clips in Stu’s hair. you haven’t even had that many in your hair before!

he may also wear rings sometimes. he thinks all the colors and designs are just so fun!

and on the other hand...

Billy, the guy that basically wore the same outfit for an entire movie? who’s closet only contains jeans and white t-shirts? trying out your style? i don’t think so lol

if you do- somehow- get him to try...

then you might have pressured him into it a bit? very jokingly, of course. 

“C’mon, humor me, babe. Stu’s already dressed and everything!” You try giving him puppy eyes to seal the deal.

“Fine!” Billy says, grabbing the garment and a few clips from your hands. He shuts the door too harshly behind him.

A short silence is shared, before you and Stu burst out laughing. “Do you think he’s mad at us?” You’re hardly able to get it out. Of course he was, but in his own odd way appreciated this adventure.

He comes back a moment later, his white t-shirt replaced with a pastel red one, an especially gory character printed on the front. and a red clip barely hanging on to one of the side pieces of hair in front of his face. You try to suppress a giggle at Billy’s messily put together look.

for the love of gosh- don’t actually laugh when he appears. he is very outside of his comfort zone, and he’s only doing this because he loves you and Stu, and just,, don’t add this to his list of reasons not to try new things.

whatever your reaction ends up being, you’re absolutely obligated to tell them how attractive they look in it(even Billy who looks hella dorky).

(my art)

The Lost Boys

the comparison between their dark, punk-ish style and then the sweet baby pinks and blues, and soft lavenders that adorned your form?? 

it’s just too sweet.

they are completely enamored by your style- even if certain vampires (and I’m not naming any names, but I definitely mean David) may not show his love for your look as openly

Marko- he’d get one cutesy patch for his jacket, so he has like a little piece of you everywhere he goes. also...he genuinely ended up really digging your style? but not enough to abandon his punk look completely. he is still totally dedicated to that.

the other boys will absolutely mess with him about the patch though

all in good fun!

David’s not letting you near his hair with any extra clips or accessories. 

Dwayne enjoys the quiet intimacy shared between the two of you. just sitting together, you might be styling his hair( super loose ponytail or braid- admit it, it would be so cute! and helpful so his hair isn’t always in his face!)...anyways, you’d use a colorful hair tie, and a few clips to help pin back his hair. 

he probably won’t go out with the clips in, but if it’s just the five of you at the cave? he’ll keep it in until it’s time to sleep. 

he loves seeing how happy and accomplished you look after finishing with his hair tho.

Paul is hands down the most likely to get into the whole look and go out in public with it on. 

makeup? hell yeah. it won’t be as intense as yours, and he probably only does the eyes and maybe some shine. sparkly vampire time

hair accessories? all of them

would try combining his look with yours, to have a perfect mess of it.

a light, light  blue mesh top, slightly darker blue jacket(with slight accents in pink, purple, white or black), and his usual sort of white jeans(?) would still look great with it. he’s absolutely rocking that look.

you are ecstatic to finally have someone else to share your passion with! (much harder to find similar folks when you’re a vampire,,)

Helen Lyle

she’s so used to the plain life around her, and she’d been living before you- you were such a breath of fresh air.

of course, you’re darling personality also drew her into you- but your fashion sense? it fascinated her.

she’s not trying it herself anytime soon, but she appreciates the fact that you enjoy it. 

the most she would ever try is a very natural makeup look. and a coat or two of a pastel color of her choice.

she would love watching you get ready. not so much help out though- she just likes seeing the way you approach things. how you choose to pair certain pieces with one another.

she’ll ask questions to better understand your interests! not that it’s weird or wrong that you’re into it, she’s just a very inquisitive person.

you’d wear a lot of blue though- because you know Helen likes that color.

imagine wearing coordinated looks for different events and such. so, when you go with Helen to help out with her Candyman thesis, you might wear candy-themed attire. (of course in this universe,, she wouldn’t die! so no worries of that! you get to keep you’re gf).

if you do gift her something, she keeps it on her bedside table(or dresser). so she can still admire it, and still serves a purpose. fun décor!

all around though- Helen would be very chill, but captivated, about you’re interests.

Daniel Robitaille - Candyman

 his life is so dark and gruesome, and he loves seeing you all dressed up. 

and while he’s dead- long dead- and isn’t really apart of the world in the same sense that you are- it gives him this happy sense of hope for the world.

because there’s this very small thing, that you hold close to your heart, that makes you smile.

Also!!

even if they’re apart of a super awful, traumatic, part of his past- the bees are just a part of the family now.  

so cute yellow/spring/bee themed outfits?? yes. ohh definitely, yes.

As for him dressing up? He’d feel hesitant.

he’s filled with immense joy around you, but is almost scared with someone altering part of his attire or self in any way(rooted back to, again, past stuff).

but part of loving is to take the person as a whole, bad parts, good parts- insecurities- the entire package. and trusting one another.

he has his whole faith in you not to do anything bad.

and so, it becomes a habit for the two of you to spend mornings together, chatting and getting ready. well, you’re getting ready, it’s more for the quality time together for him.

things are little different for Daniel. for many reasons. 

one, he has very short hair. so the clips don’t really work there..

two- he only has one hand, and he’s “working” a lot with the appendages he does have. rings won’t work out because they might fall off- and he’d hate to lose something of yours.

three- he’s not a big makeup fan. he’s happy enough watching you put it on.

and then for his actual attire- he needs the coat to cover his insides. it’s also, in a way, his uniform.

you’ve settled on two things.

making homemade necklaces that can easily hide under his big coat (either sweets or honey/bee themed).

and sewing little patterns on the inside of his coat. other’s wouldn’t be able to see it, but he would know it’s there.

Brahms Heelshire

imagine being super into sorta ‘sweet lolita’, pastel/soft colors, bows, the big skirts, all the sorta ruffles(?)

 and then especially if your shorter than Brahms(which is really,, not hard to do unless you’re insanely tall cause he’s,, 6 foot 3.)- and he thinks you look like such a doll? 

but like,, in a nice way. 

I think he’d get pretty excited if he got to help you set up your outfits!

especially if you praised him for picking out a good combo, or organizing correctly.

and some of Brahms movements are a bit awkward, he’s spent most of his life in the walls and the attic...but imagine turning on his music, and just dancing with him. having him twirl you in his arms a few times.

Brahms loves having your hands through his hair. and if hair accessories means he gets more of that love and attention? then yes,, yes he will wear them.

he just likes feeling taken care of, and along with your usual duties, you help him figure out the soft fashion styles, and how to make it more appealing and suitable for his own tastes.

because- as you insist- you want it to be something he enjoys just because he does, and not just for the closeness. though you can’t deny you love that aspect, too.

i can tell you one thing right here, though. you’re never getting makeup on him. he does not like taking off his mask, even if you’ve been in a relationship with him for a while, he still hides his face a lot.

you’d offered to do his makeup once, since he was staring so intently as you did yours. you’d made the mistake of reaching for his mask. you’d usually ask before doing so, but sometimes you’d slip up.

You apologize profusely, offering your arms out to him for a hug. “There, there, Brahms.” You smile, giving him a slight squeeze of affection. 

he does take your stuff sometimes. 

it’s a little annoying when you think you’ve lost your favorite accessory or dress or etc and then you just realize,, oh, it’s my favorite wall boy again. thank gosh you love him, so you’re not really upset or anything.

he just likes having little reminders of you, it gives him reassurance. upon other warm and fuzzy feelings.

if you’re able to find time in your day though, you’ll make cute little trinkets or bracelets for him. you’ll gift them or purposely leave them out for him-  so you’ll still have some of your stuff when it comes to getting ready the next day.

in short- he’d much rather look at you than partake on his own. 

Amanda Young

she’s never seen anything like this! :0

everyone she knows, herself included, tend to wear more dulled, plain clothes.

she’s immediately very intrigued by your attire...sort of want’s to try it, but is a bit self conscious and embarrassed to ask.

So!! you start out with small things, and fairly early on you both realize that she loves when you decorate her hair with accessories. 

gifting Amanda a pair of little pig clips!!

or little stud earrings- those would be fricking adorable on her!

and she’s just so happy,, wtf

you dress mostly for yourself, but the more you’re in a relationship with your gf- the more you want to dress for her as well. 

you can see this little sparkle in her eye when she sees you, and you want to keep seeing that look for as long as you can.

you slowly get her into it. your relationship and Amanda’s interest in your style just gives her so much light in an otherwise dim world.

if she did get into it, I think she’d do more creepy/cute. as a way to sort of cope with past trauma. that this sort of “bad” thing (the creepy) can still coexist with the good (the cute). she admires that quality.

just very sweet partners, who happen to love similar types of fashion 

[izartn]

MDZS JGY fic promt

I’m thinking about Meng Yao/Jin Guangyao and I think I would love to read a fic of him snapping in the opposite direction of his desperate grab for power and respect from his shit father. We know, thanks to JGS gruesome murder that at some point, after already being a shitty human doing murdery things, JGY snapped hard and said: “if i’m gonna do the shitty things of running this sect i’ll do them for myself and fuck you to death”. Quite literally. 

So I’d like to imagine a world where he, like, not necessary becomes a much better person; I dunno about the JZX and WWX kill plot, or about NMJ. I think he’s very set in his auto-preservating self-beneficing ways, and if you don’t really work well with that part of his chara then he’s not JGY anymore. 

But instead of being, I’ll become the highest in the cultivation world, so i will be finally respected and listened to (uhm, didnt’ work especially well did it? they never let him forget his mother profession when it was his father who was the absolute worst) he decides that while cultivation is still something to aspire to -can’t forget about his mother dying dream, also longer life and health benefits + being a hero, doing the decent thing- he realises the cultivation sect system as it is horrible. 

He was in the middle of the war, he saw it from both sides. He then went to low to high but still a servant. And it’s always blood what counts. He sees what happens to his other bastard brothers, to WWX when he decides enough is enough, and how he himself is still treated by his Sect despite his intelligence and abilities. And instead of trying to take refuge in the system, he is a bit more self-aware or inquiring; maybe he is more idealistic in some ways? But still oh so bitter, and decides to destroy the system from within.

You know what? Do it so he still rises to Leader of the Jin Sect (without prostitutes murdering and necrophilia; he is now more on the side of the common, so maybe he gets the help of Sisi or someone he knows to aid him poison his father and after he gets them a nice reward and packs them to a new life in Japan or something. Or he simply uses another subtle method without intermediaries or with unaware ones, he is certainly able of doing that when he isnt being an ironic murderer shit.) because it’ll serve him, and to be the leader responsible of making sure the so estimated Jin blood is disposesed will make him smug pleased. To slowly gain power and bit by bit erase the division between the noble clans and people who learn simply bcs of talent, scouting youngsters witht the excuse of replenishing the clans after the war and quiting the idiots nobles from their spoiled positions. 

Hell you can even make LXC and NMJ (did he died before or after JGY becomes Sect Leader? Well if he is still alive, NHS doesn’t destroy him, but then WWX doesn’t come back. If he dies before, then the vengeance is still in play, but it’ll be even more fraughted bcs now JGY goals and methods are a lot more morally grey and watching WWX and LWJ confront that would be super interesting O-O), you can make them see those policies and be like, oh sure, that’s a good thing you’re doing A-yao. But also conflict with their positions in the nobility system, as time pases and JGY subtly passes more changes and brings to ruin those sect leaders more entrenched in the old ways and abusing of their people.

 Programs for literacy, for the spread of knowledge and the civil use of cultivation techniques with the excuse of avoiding beforehand the formation of ghosts and resentment appealing to the lazy nature of the rich while eliminating bit by bit the necessity of their existence, like boiling a frog, the creation of the watchtowers still fits nicely and we know in canon he faced oppposition there so here it’s more important still, even more so Su She I think, will be elated with this turn of events and even more loyal lmao if JGY sells it well and JGY sells his ideas really well. 

Maybe he helps XXC and SL bcs it’s in his interest they find success although he finds them naive; but JGY has a canon soft spot for people who treat him well regardless of his common born status, so. Maybe he intercedes with XY and convinces him to work with him taking out nobles reasonably (I bet XY will like that), and manages to avoid somehow XY elaborated revenge on SL and XXC? or executes him when he is too much of a wild card, but we know how that ended in canon... The best bet is making XY see on his own best interest to help in JGY vision but that’s well. almost crack fic lmao. 

OH! Maybe he finds XY before the massacre of the Chang clan bcs he is searching for someone to help him above table and gets to him by offering a more subtle but still suitable appropriate revenge with the pro bonus of getting to do the same to others after and access to WWX manuscripts. You know this has a much higher chance of working, let’s go with this scenario. So he keeps XY out of his father reach, when he is searching for someone to gain control of the stygian seal and wen ning. Yeah, this will appeal immensely to JGY xD

You know, and JGY being beloved by the people, and having more than a facade of being just or fair, but proving it although it isn't in the interest of the nobles. And as he is politics savvy, although with more effort he could certainly make it so he avoids assassinations or walking in a minefield like wwx etc. 

Depending on the NMJ situation... You could make it so NMJ doesn’t die and then they enter a stalemate of grudging respect bcs JGY wants more an ally in swaying people for his cause than his revenge, although he sure could make non lethal things to inconvenience NMJ lol. And NHS as sect leader wouldn’t have the same power to his decisions and reach, no matter if he is more manipulable; after all isn’t NHS a pampered noble in JGY eyes? Who could be sure if he even would follow JGY anyways... 

And you could give it different endings depending on the development of JGY: a success where he gets to the point were factually the sects aren’t bloods based anymore, just a few like the lan (those traditionalists lol) resisting an unavoidable wave of change taht comes for everybody, and the money doesn’t flow in their pockets like a river to the ocean but instead it goes back to the people. 

You could make it so it’s a partial success bcs JGY is still himself and does more than a few morally grey things that come to light with the NMJ murder reveal, but his changes linger and the common people plus others of the same ideal now trained and in process of being cultivators won’t let themselves be cowered by the awful nobility -another big conflict breeding, and maybe it won’t be successful but people have long memories and books and the new ideals of equality would spread regardless, so it would start again and again each time a bit better-. I think WWX POV in this case would be delicious omg, LXC conflict even more pointed. This would be, I think the more realistic and interesting to write take on the idea. Iand you now, I’m in favor of a novel setting and characterization, but to make it more painful, use the 16 gap of the show and nothing else (i haven’t see the show beyond the first episodes bcs i couldn’t take it lol)  so JGY has more time to make changes. 

You could make a downer ending (this I wouldn’t like lmao, but it’s there) so that shows the cruelty and inability of making changes to something so integrated and supported by itself, that JGY loses much to his revenge he takes more and more radical actions that come back to bit his ass with NMJ and JGS murder revelation. I think XY in here would be appropriate, in an antagonist role as in MDZS. But it still has an impact; JGY’s life, despite his faults was still more inspirational, made better impact than his canon self. Make it poetically tragic and a comment on the futility of trying to change society by oneself, but find beauty in the attempt itself which has created community, which will in the future do the true work of overthrowing the yokes of the high ups, educating and helping each other in their messy human lives.

All this ending, and JL conflict, who at this point has learnt much at his uncle JGY side, who has decided to (dunno about marrying QS and A-Song’s death. depending on your take and ending it’ll have different impact) go on with his labor bc he sees the good on it and swears to not be like the worst of JGY. A legacy he can reconcile with himself thanks too, to the experience of meeting WWX. JL is in a more fraught position with JC in this verse, I think, bc for one, he is more mature/not so spoiled and that would make JC glad, but his ideas are at the same time understable and anatema to JC who puts so much of his life on honoring the clan on making sure the Jiang carry on and his name isn’t forgotten but who recruited from nothing during the war. Who sees the danger in alienating the powers of the cultivation sects bc he saw what it did to WWX and he believes in protecting his own and to hell with the rest. 

So very interesting!!! 

You could spin so many takes from this, it’d be so fascinating and satisfying. I’d love to see the chara of JGY developed in this direction, bcs he has so much potential to waste it in so petty goals. His ambition is certainly big enough to believe he will damn well do a silent revolution well. 

Just, using the classics to argue for equality and education and a good life even if you’re a peasant, using the cultivation basis and its suppose use to better oneself and the world in making a point of avoiding wars and violent retribution (to the public, he’s still a bit of an hypocrit bcs it serves him well to have a stick with which to beat his enemies lmao) and instead use diplomacy and a sort of rehabilitation or service thing. Because those ideas are there, in the different clasics and schools of thought (not confucianism, not as much) it’s just that the nobles and high scholars were never interested and used them to argue for a sort of natural hierarchy were they’re in top. 

 Let JGY create a new school of thought, and LXC and others seeing the merit on it. JGY has the reach and the intelligence and the ability. 

The best revenge is living well and destroying the system which allowed the other to harm you, the ideas, the means. Create a fantasy fulfillment ^^

[iwillbeinmynest]

I’m Not Crazy, Am I?

Pairing: Frank Castle x Reader (Platonic)

Author’s Notes: Okay I really want y’all’s honest opinion on this one because I just can’t shake the feeling that this doesn’t flow right- despite what my wonderful beta @itsanerdlife​ has told me. So, let me know. It might just be because this is my first time writing Frank. idk lol

 Also, a HUGE thank you to @frankcastlexreader​ for this super awesome moodboard for this fic!!

Word Count: 7.8K

Notes/Warnings: I was actually trying to make this one a little scary so, yeah, needles, feeling crazy, anxiety, fires, violence and abuse, mentions of blood, mentions of drinking, talk of mental illness (I really tried to be careful on this topic so please let me know if I did anything wrong with this topic!)

Masterlist

 Eleven days.

 She’d been stuck here for eleven days. When she’d first been taken, she spit threats of her impending rescue and the price these people would pay for the wrongful imprisonment of her, all while fighting as hard as she could physically. When they grew tired of her fight, they forcefully gave her a shot of who knows what that put her to sleep. 

 When she woke up, she was dressed in white scrubs and locked in a small room with almost nothing in it. There was a sad excuse for a cot, a desk with small sheets of paper but only crayons to write with, and the smallest window she’d ever seen. 

 On her second day she figured she’d make as much trouble as she could. She beat on her still locked door, she screamed at the top of her lungs, and drew all over the walls. People passed by the frosted glass in the door. Some stopped and lingered for a moment, while others passed by as if she didn’t exist. If was after the third or fourth person stopped that she noticed they, too, wore white scrubs.

 A guard would beat on her door every once and a while, telling her to shut up but she never did. She continued to scream and bang and vandalize. Eventually four guards showed up. She was actually scared of them this time, even though she refused to show it. They overpowered her and with another sharp pinch in the neck, she passed out.

 She woke up on day three with her room looking as pristine as it was on day one. Or maybe they’d put her in a new room; if that was the case, she wondered how many identical rooms there were in this place. She tried to repeat her awful din from the day prior but she found that she’d lost her voice and her whole body ached from trying to fight the guards. She spent that morning in the uncomfortable cot resting, telling herself that if she could just conserve her energy, she’d use it to fight the guards again. She figured that had been her mistake yesterday. She’d wasted so much of her energy on being a pain that when the guards opened the door she didn’t think of trying to get out. She ended up in the bed most of that day, scheming up a plan for escape. 

 It wasn’t until she woke up on day four that she’d realized she’d even fallen asleep. She’d spent that whole day being angry. She hadn’t eaten since she arrived which wasn’t helping her mood but, more than that, he hadn’t come yet. She didn’t understand why he hadn’t come for her and she was already thinking of berating him whenever he did show up.

 In the afternoon of day four, there was a knock on her door. She could see the shadow of a man but he wasn’t in the same tan colors as the guards, he also wasn’t in white like so many of the other residents. After a beat of silence, she heard the door unlock and a thin man in a cardigan and glasses walked in.

 “Hello, Y/N.” He said with a thick accent and smiled. He held a tray over what looked like a small notebook and a manila folder. “My name is Dr. Kallstrom.” He set the tray beside her bed and she swallowed hard. He gestured to the tray, “Please, eat. I’m sure you’re hungry.”

 What she now recognized as a Swedish accent somehow made her even more suspicious of him.

 “It isn’t tainted with drugs Miss Y/L/N. Please, you need to eat. Malnutrition is not something we take lightly. Our goal is to make you better and keep you healthy.” His smile looked rehearsed. 

 Y/N weighed her options quickly. If she didn’t eat, she’d be proving her rebellion to being here but if she didn’t and her rescue took any longer, she wouldn’t be strong enough to fight her way out if she needed to. She took the tray and ate what little was there. 

The doctor took the chair from her desk and pulled it out so he could sit facing her in her bed. “This is only something small to tide you over.” He inhaled as he opened his notebook and took a pen from his pocket, clicking it open. “You know these are only temporary arrangements. We would love to move you to a more comfortable living space but we need to be able to trust you.”

 Y/N looked up at him incredulously. Trust? This had to be a joke. She scoffed and continued eating.

 “I know your admittance here to Calming Waters was less than enjoyable,” He said as he began writing something in his book. He looked back up at her, this time without the smile. “But that wasn’t entirely dependent on us. You caused quite the disturbance that day.”

 She shook her head, keeping here eyes on the food. Calming Waters was a crazy house. A fancy insane asylum. It was marketed to look like assisted living and people joked that the ‘assisted’ part was from all the drugs they doped their residents with. Some people say it was in the water and some people said it was in the food. She looked at her plate, it was almost empty now, and she wondered if she could hit the doctor hard enough with this plastic tray to get away. 

 “Y/N, do you know why you’re here?”

 She didn’t answer, she just stared at him. Yeah, she knew but she wasn’t telling him that. She wanted to know what he thought.

 He sighed. “I’m not sure if you’re aware but you…” He looked like he was struggling to break some news to her. Y/N thought he should win an Oscar. “You’ve had a bit of a break down. When the police called us, you had gone...well, to be frank, you’d gone completely mad.”

 Y/N wanted to laugh and while she was able to repress that, she couldn’t fight her smile at his audacity.

 He frowned. “You killed four people, Miss Y/L/N. I know this is hard to hear but it certainly shouldn’t be funny. You’re record is clean, you have no reports of misconduct anywhere, all the way down to kindergarten. You’ve never even gotten a traffic citation. I believe, Miss Y/L/N, that the stress of your day to day has caused you too...snap.”

 It was too much, she snorted and chuckled under her breath. “I’m not crazy and I didn’t kill anyone.” Her voice was scratchy and barely there. Maybe screaming wasn’t the best choice the other day. It definitely didn’t help her to sound as resolved as she was.

 He nodded his head as if he knew she would say that. He leaned forward and handed her the manila folder. 

 She took it carefully, eyeing him until he sat back and was away from her. She opened the folder and was met with a collection of gruesome images. Four men, slaughtered in a style she recognized. She remembered this but it wasn’t her handiwork. “This is why you dragged me here?” She was furious. “This is why you locked me up in this crazy house?!”

 At the tension in her shoulders and the scowl on her face, the doctor stood up and backed towards the door, where a guard had stepped in. 

 “I didn’t even do this.” She threw the folder, sending the pictures flying all over her room.

  “If you didn’t,” The doctor stood beside the guard now. “Who did?”

 “The Punisher did this. He was protecting me!” Her voice broke into a whisper as she tried to scream on the already strained vocal chords.

 The doctor shook his head. “No, Miss Y/L/N, you did. The evidence proves-”

 “I don’t care what the evidence proves!” When Y/N stood up from the bed, the guard stepped forwards.

 “Calm down.” The large man commanded.

 Y/N stopped moving but continued in her broken voice. “This is wrong and you know it.”

 “When you are ready to stay calm, and tell me the truth, let me know.” He left with a sigh and the guard took her empty tray and eyed her hard as he followed behind.

 On day five, Y/N woke with a different drive. She picked up the pictures that were still scattered all over the floor of her tiny room, she placed them neatly in the folder and then made her bed. She knocked on her door and a few minutes later, a guard opened it. 

“What?” He asked shortly.

 Y/N voice was still hoarse but she tried to clear it and said, “I’m ready to talk to the Doctor now.” 

The guard squinted, examining her suddenly soft demeanor and now cleaned room. “I’ll let him know.” He pushed her back from the door, shut it and locked it before he disappeared from her frosted window.

 It wasn’t until day seven that she finally got to see the doctor but after having remained calm she was getting meals more frequently. When the guards came to collect her, there were three of them. Two at either side of her and one behind. She was taken to a separate building, one much nicer than where she’d been staying. Here the hallways resembled that of a country club- dark woods and florals everywhere. From what little glances she could steal, the rooms in this building had living rooms and bedrooms in them. Like tiny apartments. They were even furnished with couches, televisions, side tables and bookshelves. 

 They turned down another hallway and she could tell she was near the offices now.

 The guards shoved her towards a door that read ‘Dr. Kallstrom' in gold letters. One of the guards opened the door and jerked his head, signaling her to get moving.

 Dr. Kallstrom was typing away at his laptop when she walked in. He looked up for only a moment and smiled. "Come in, have a seat. I'll be right with you." 

 His office was large. One wall was entirely books. There were multiple forms of seating; from pillows on the floor by a short coffee table, all the way to couches and plush chairs. His desk was large and made of polished redwood to match his bookshelves and end tables. It sat in front of the two large windows and faced the door. It was littered with papers and full folders but he had a small section cleared where his laptop could fit. 

 He finished typing and closed his computer. He faced Y/N, who hadn't decided on where to sit yet, crossed his arms and said, "What can I do for you today?"

 Y/N stood still chewing her lips. "Well, you said I should talk to you when...when I was ready to."

 He nodded and stood from his leather desk chair. "I did," he walked around and came to Y/N. He gestured to the couch and she followed his lead. "How are you feeling today?"

 "Better, but my throat still hurts." She sat on the couch while he sat across from her in an armchair.

 He crossed his legs and folded his hands in his lap. "I can prescribe something for you if you'd like."

 She shook her head. "No, just some cough drops would be fine."

 He nodded then took a deep breath. "I want to apologize if my methods seemed harsh when we first met but I believed that you needed to be confronted with the truth so that you could begin to remember the trauma you faced. We can't heal your mind if you are repressing the memories altogether."

 Y/N sighed. "But I don't remember doing that. I remember being there but I thought…"

 The doctor leaned forward. "Y/N, The Punisher- Frank Castle- is dead. Has been for sometime now."

 Y/N paused. Dead? That can't be right. "But, I saw him. He was there." Her quiet scratchy voice broke.

 Dr. Kallstrom looked at her with pity. "You made him up. Your mind couldn't handle what you did so it made up a more plausible situation. Did you recognize the men in the photos?"

 She nodded slowly, still thinking of Frank. "It was my boss and other higher-ups in the company. He...he tried to kill me. He beat me, harassed me. Wanted me to steal and fudge the books. And when I refused…"

 He nodded as if he already knew. "You snapped, Y/N. And before you go beating yourself up, you should know that you are not the first person to respond like this to immense pressure. What happened was an accident. But...it was you."

 "How'd he die?" She asked. Y/N sat staring at the floor.

 "Your boss?" The Doctor's head ticked to the side in confusion. "I told you, you-"

 "No, not him. How did Frank die?"

 The doctor sat back. "Oh, um, he, uh, the cops got him. He shot at them and they shot back. But that was last year."

 Ah, last year, right. "Oh, I see. So, it really was me?

 The doctor nodded sadly but was relieved to see that she understood.

 "How did I…?"

 The doctor stood up and put a hand on her shoulder. "I think it's too soon to go into details like that. Let's start by moving you over into a nicer room, huh? Maybe some new clothes, too."

 Y/N nodded and offered a weighted smile. "I'd like that." She stood and let him escort her into the hallway. When she saw the guards, who no longer seemed interested in her, she looked at Dr. Kallstrom. "I'm sorry for how I acted when I came here."

 The doctor smiled and patted her back. "Never mind that. Let's just work on getting you better. I'm going to ask that you see me every morning at eleven so we can talk and try and work out what happened, okay?"

 She nodded. "Okay."

 Kallstrom grinned as he opened the door to a fully furnished room with her last name near the knob, "The meal schedule is on a pamphlet by your bed and if there aren't any books here that you like, you can go down to the library. You are free to roam but please be respectful of the other guests and restricted areas. We have a two strike policy here so be mindful of that."  He began to close the door behind him then stopped.

 "Oh, one more thing." He looked at her in a slightly stern manner. "We distribute medications everyday at lunch time. I will be prescribing you something to help relax your mind so that we can further unlock the mystery behind your actions. It's a small dosage and absolutely nothing to think twice about but I do recommend that you take it and I expect your full cooperation."

 Y/N gave a nervous smile. "Of course."

 "I'll see you tomorrow." He smiled and shut the door behind him.

 And here she's been ever since. Wandering the halls, meeting other guests and reading in the library. Y/N also tried to meet as much of the staff as she could but so far she's only made friends with the receptionist and the housekeeper. 

 Everyday at eleven she'd seen the doctor and everyday he'd treasure her that Frank was nothing but a figment of her imagination. She'd needed a hero, a reality where she was safe and, as best as the doctor could figure it, the Punisher had been on the news so much that her mind must have attached to him. 

 As the days went on, Y/N couldn't help but wonder of the doctor was right. Had she made up Frank? She was single, her boss was a jerk and she was feeling helpless… Maybe she did.

 Now, it was the lunch hour. Y/N sat alone, as she'd grown accustomed to, and ate in silence. A nurse came around with a tray of little cups. He took the one with her name on it and gave it to her. He stood over her and waited.

 Y/N took the tiny cup and tossed it’s contents into her mouth. She took her water and drank. She opened her mouth wide, stuck her tongue out and then lifted it.

 When the nurse was satisfied, he nodded and walked away. Y/N watched as he turned his back to her to distribute more medication. She took the pills from her cheek and stuffed them into her mashed potatoes. She took her tray to the trash, scraped off the left over food and placed her tray above the bin.

 Later that night, after curfew and after the doors were all locked, Y/N stood in her bathroom and stared at the blurry reflection in the shower-fogged mirror.

 She wiped away the mist and began to brush out her damp hair. After she was dressed and in bed. She wondered how it had come to this. She was in an insane asylum. It didn’t look like the ones in all the scary movies but that’s what it was and if that wasn’t enough, all of her neighbors confirmed that even though the staff never said the word ‘crazy’, the people here absolutely were crazy.

 First there was Lady Margaret, and yes, you had to address her as such, She was a tiny old lady who insisted that she was a member of the royal family in the year of our king, Richard the third. She even put on a British accent despite having been born in Reno. Then there was Jerry, he believed that he suffered from multiple personality disorder and that all of his alter’s names were also Jerry- which was convenient for everyone.

 Not to mention the several schizophrenics and critically paranoid persons and the ones who believed themselves to be other people or creatures. Y/N was particularly fond of the man who believed himself a mermaid stuck in his human form. He was kind and always made her things out of sea shells when ever there were craft hours.

 Y/N tried to find the good in this place and as she searched for an answer she drifted to sleep.

*   *   *

 The office was empty, or at least it was closed and almost everyone had gone home. Everyone except Y/N and Jason Harvey. Y/N had worked for Jason for five years and the only reason she’d stayed was because she knew she couldn't afford to leave. He paid her well and even though she was just a secretary by title, she handled a lot of his business.

 Jason stepped out of his office laughing on his  phone. “You boys don’t get started without me! I’ll be there in about,” He looked at his watch, “Fifteen minutes. Okay. Yeah, up yours, too!” He chuckled before ending the call. He closed his door and winked at Y/n as he sat on the edge of her desk. “How’s it going, sweetheart? You pullin’ another all nighter?”

 Y/N pursed her lips for a moment. “Please, I’ve asked you not to call me that.” 

 “Why?” His chin pulled back and he shoved off her desk offended. “No body’s here.”

 “Because it makes me uncomfortable.” Her stomach turned and she wanted to throw up from the nerves inside her. 

 Jason called her something obscene under his breath but he was close enough that she still heard. “Whatever. Just get done and get out of here.”

 He started towards the elevators and huffed in annoyance.

 Y/N returned to the books that she was working on and frowned when she saw a discrepancy. She grabbed the book and rushed after Jason. “Mr. Harvey, wait!”

 He rolled his eyes and stared up at the elevator watching the numbers light up towards his floor. 

“Mr. Harvey, I’m sorry but I need you to check this for me, please.”

 He snatched the book from her. “What?”

 “It’s just,” She swallowed hard. “Um, it’s just that these numbers are off and it’s saying that you-”

 “I can read a ledger, Y/N.” He cursed at her. “There’s nothing wrong here. Just sign off on it.”

 “I can’t sign off on it unless it’s correct, sir, and I don’t think-” 

 She was cut off when the back of his hand collided with her mouth. She gasped and stumbled back, clutching her cheek and jaw.

 Jason swore at her again as the elevator dingged and the doors opened. He grabbed her by the throat and pushed her into the elevator with him. “Listen here, I pay your bills, I take care of you, you got that? All you gotta do in return is sign some papers and file the ledger. It isn’t that big of a deal. Now,” he shoved her against the wall and she shrieked. Her head hit the mirrored wall hard and the tears that welled with the force of his hand on her throat now spilled over at his increasing violence. “Do you want me to explain that again?”

 She shook her head and sobbed, still trying to pry his hands from her neck. 

 He pulled her back and slammed her head into the wall again, causing it to crack. “You want me to keep hitting you?”

 She shook her head again and her knees began to buckle as he squeezed tighter. “Please…” She choked out.

 “It really is a shame,” He said as he got uncomfortably close to her. His breath, hot on her cheek, already smelled of alcohol. “I hate to make this pretty face cry but,” He shrugged. “I’ll do what I have to. You keep your mouth shut or I’ll ruin you.” He somehow got even closer, so close that his lips brushed against her skin. “In every sense of the word.”

 Jason let go of her and she fell to the floor. Just then the elevator doors opened and she scrambled to her feet and ran out. She didn’t even know what floor she was on but she didn’t care. She found the stairwell and kicked off her heels, running down them. 

 She ran from the high-rise to the train where she cried all the way to her stop. She ran, in the rain that had just started pouring, the few more blocks from the station to her building and buzzed her door. She left everything at the office, including her keys and phone.

 “Yeah,” A rough voice called from the box. 

 Y/N tried not to sob. “I left my keys.”

 The door buzzed and she flung it open. She ran up the stairs to her floor and rushed to her door. 

 Frank opened her door and his jaw dropped slightly at the sight of her. She was soaking wet, her make-up was running down her face, her mouth was bleeding and her neck was bruised in the shape of a hand. He pulled her to him and shut the door behind her.

 Frank had been staying with Y/N for the last few weeks after she’d stumbled upon him bloodied and bruised after a particularly rough night. She’d been kind to him and he was desperate for some of that. He allowed himself to give in to her hospitality and after only a few days he knew that he’d protect this girl from anything and everything if he had to. Their relationship only went as far as friends because that’s what they both really needed. She provided him a home and he kept her safe. They were a symbiotic relationship for the books.

 He held her in the front hallway for a few minutes as she cried against him. He held her close and rubbed her back until he couldn’t take it anymore.

 He backed up from her and pulled her into the light. He checked her mouth, finding only a busted lip and slight bruising on her jaw. But when he tried to tilt her head up and she winced he was worried. “What happened?” His voice was low and thick with concern.

 “Jason…” Y/N’s chin quivered. 

 He'd heard about Jason. His nose twitched and his lip curled as he huffed like a bull. "I'll kill him." Frank told her.

 But Y/N shook her head. "It's only as bad as what you see." She pleaded with her eyes for him to stay. "He's not worth your time."

 Frank shook his head and chewed the inside of his lip. He nodded. "For now. Okay, but I swear, Y/N, he doesn’t touch you again got it?"

 Y/N sobbed and nodded. She took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "Oh," She remembered her things. "I left my purse at the office."

 Frank led her further inside and towards her room. "You need to change, maybe shower. We can deal with everything else in a minute, okay?" He raised his brows until she nodded. He leaned over and kissed the side of her head, "Go on."

 He made her a hot drink and something to eat while she showered. When she finally came back out, she looked much better. She offered him a smile but it only went so far from the pain of her busted lip.

 "Tell me what happened." His deep voice was soft as she sat down at the table.

 She spoke quietly but quickly. Explaining more about what he'd done both physically and financially. "He's fudging the numbers and stealing a whole lot. And he was not thrilled when I called him out on it."

 "What made you do that?" He asked.

 She scoffed and smirked. "I thought it was something you would do."

 Frank chuckled. 

 "I thought...I don't know." She huffed.

 Frank cussed. "I guess I am a bad influence."

 Y/N smiled. "Well, don't leave on that account."

 "Nah," He took her hand. "I ain't goin' anywhere."

 Y/N smiled. "Thanks for letting me cry on you." She rolled her eyes at herself.

 "Don't apologize for that." He looked at her serious. He patted her hand before he let go of it.  "You said you left your stuff at the office?"

 The thought of the office made her sick. "Yeah, the only thing I made out with was my badge."

 Frank looked at the clock on the microwave. It was past one a.m. "It's pretty late. He shouldn't be there, you want me to go get it?"

 Y/N thought about it. "I appreciate it but you can't get it without a badge. I'd have to go with you."

 "You're gonna quit, right?" Frank wasn’t really asking. He knew he might be crossing a line but something just didn’t sit right with him when he thought about her continuing to work for Jason. "If we go tonight, you're gonna get all your stuff, okay?"

 She wanted to argue. What job could she get that would pay as well as this one? But she knew Frank was right.

"I know some people in Law that could get you a job somewhere." He reassured.

 Y/N sighed. "Okay." She nodded. "He was going out with his friends, he definitely shouldn't be there."

 Frank nodded. "Alright, let's go then."

 Going back to the building was easy. With Frank beside her she was almost fearless. The dark and shady New York streets and allies didn’t seem so daunting with him in her corner. Y/N got in and, thanks to her high status with Harvey Inc., was able to get Frank in too.

 They made it up to the thirtieth floor and to Y/N's desk. Frank grabbed a box and helped her put what little belonged to her in it. He was even able to crack a few jokes and make Y/N smile to ease the tension of being there. Y/N had found the ledger right outside the elevator where Jason must have dropped it before hitting her. She handed it to frank who now sat at Y/N’s desk taking pictures of the fudged pages with her phone.

 Then, the elevator dingged.

 Y/N's heart immediately dropped at the sound of Jason's laughter. She snapped her head to Frank as tears began to well in her eyes. 

 Frank took the box of stuff and put it under Y/N's desk and took her hand. He tugged her around the corner and held her close. He could feel her heart pounding in her chest.

 He put a finger to his lips. And then leaned down and whispered ever so slightly in her ear. "You remember what I taught you."

 Y/N nodded. Frank had been teaching Y/N to fight every night since he moved in. She was desperate for some self defense training and now she at least has enough to get away if someone tried to hurt her on her commute home. Although, she was ashamed to say she'd been too scared to try it on Jason.

 The laughter got louder and it made Y/N jump. She bumped into the bookshelf they were next to and the men's voices stopped.

 Frank took a deep breath. They'd definitely heard that and it was only a matter of time until they were found. Well, he wasn't the kind of man to wait. 

 He stepped back around the corner with Y/N in tow. 

 "Well, well, well." Jason started, clearly smashed. "Lookie, lookie what we have here. Did you come back to play?" He chuckled darkly.

 Frank stepped over to cut off Jason's view of Y/N. "We were just going. Let us leave." He demanded.

 Jason looked back at his friends, the other higher ups at this company. He'd actually considered it for a moment but when he saw the Ledger open on Y/N's desk he made up his mind. "Mmm, nah. I don't think we will." He laughed. 

 "You don't wanna do this." Frank warned.

 "I think we do." Jason smirked like the devil.

 The next thing Y/N knew, she was ripped away from Frank and being pulled on by two of Jason's friends. She swung her fist and it collided with the taller one's nose. He cursed and let go of her.

 The second one got a knee to the groin and then the face. She scrambled away but froze when she saw Frank fighting off both Jason and the man she knew as Dylan. 

 "Frank!" She screamed for him and then, without thinking charged and tackled Dylan. 

 Frank hit Jason hard and ran to Y/N. He pulled Dylan off of her and threw him on top of Jason. The two other young, drunk, executives came after Frank and he pulled a knife from his waistband. 

 Frank's nose was bleeding as well as a cut from a solid punch near the eye. "Run!" He shouted at Y/N without taking his eyes off the others, who now paused. 

 "I won't leave you." Y/N put her back to Frank's.

 He shook his head. "You're not ready for this."

 "I know…" She admitted.

*   *   *

Y/N jerked upright from her sleep. She was drenched in sweat and heaving every breath. She checked the clock, two forty-seven. She sighed and rubbed her face and she went back into the bathroom.

 A quick cold shower and she was back in her living room. Images of that night danced in her head. Blood everywhere. Jason dead over his desk. Dylan and the others scattered elsewhere. Y/N remembered the fight. 

 She remembered fighting them. The bruises on her knuckles were only faintly there now, the slightly yellow skin a physical reminder of what she'd done. Frank had done the difficult part, even though, to him, it probably wasn't that difficult anymore. 

 The way Y/N figured it, security had seen the  fight on camera and called the cops because soon there were dozens of flashing lights below them. They'd had nowhere to go, the only ways out were the elevators or the stairs so they split up and hid. Y/N hid on the floor below them in a cabinet of a break room. She was found and dragged away in cuffs. Police harassed her for the details of what happened before she was put in a van and sent downtown.

 Y/N tried to shake away the memory. Thinking about it might be good for the doctor but not for her sleep. 

 A knock on the door pulled her back to the present and that's when she smelled it.

 Burning wood. Burning...something. 

 Just then, the fire alarm went off.

 Y/N opened the door and a guard pulled her  into the hallway. "Fire drill," He lied. "This way."

 When Jerry ran past screaming and without any clothes on, the guard cursed. He watched Jerry run off and said to Y/N, "Just follow the others and stay near a nurse if you don't know where to go. Got it?!"

 When Y/N answered 'yes', he took off. 

 She did follow the crowd for a while, this facility was bigger than she realized, though, because they kept turning down one hall after another. But after a while she wondered if they were going in circles. When she couldn't take it anymore, she slipped down an empty hall and hid in a deep doorway. She listened to the shuffling of feet and mumbling of nonsense and when the noise faded she peeked around the hallway. 

 A shadow passed the corner of her eye and her heart slammed in her chest. She saw a figure standing 50 meters away from her at the very end of the hallway. He stood tall and dark with broad shoulders. She couldn't even see a face, he was all shadow. He began to jog towards her, pausing at every intersection and checking to make sure no one saw him.

 She bolted in the opposite direction of the shadow. She tried to keep her breathing even as she hurried down the hall. The intermittent windows cast eerie shadows on the floor. She rushed to the next doorway, hoping that if she moved faster, she wouldn't have time to be scared. It didn't work.

 She looked back and panicked when she didn't see anyone. She silently opened the door and found herself in the kitchen. The lights were off and all the metal shelves and supplies seemed to glow in the moonlight from the large window. 

 She crawled on the floor to the next door, begging and praying that the chef wasn't in here ready to butcher her. The soft clang of gently touching pots startled Y/N so much that she shot up and ran as fast as she could.

 When she burst into the cafeteria the back of the room was engulfed in flames and unlucky for her that's where the other two exits were. She held her hands over her face when the heat began to burn her skin. 

 She turned back to the kitchen doors only to freeze at the shadow in the small window. The door began to open and Y/N went numb with fear.

 In her panic she turned back to the fire. Maybe she could get through. Pieces of the ceiling were falling as they burned and the flames were creeping towards her.

 All at once, a beam above her broke and the man from the kitchen grabbed her and pulled her back. He rolled on top of her and covered her as the beam hit the ground hard and embers flew into the air. 

 Y/N screamed and fought the man on top of her. He was shouting but she was too scared to know what he was saying. She struggled beneath him but found a sheathed knife at his waist. She grabbed the grip and jerked, freeing the knife and raising it, ready to stab her attacker. The man grabbed her wrist before she could strike and pinned her hands to the floor.

 "Y/N! Y/N, it's me!" He let go of one of her hands and ripped the hood off of his head. "It's me!" Frank shouted.

 Y/N finally opened her eyes and when she got a good look at him she cried even harder. He let go of her only to pull her into a hug.

He rocked her for a moment as she clung to him. "Where were you?" She sobbed into his jacket.

 "I'm so sorry, I couldn't find you. I've been looking everywhere, I swear." He told her. Another beam fell and he pulled her to her feet. "We have to go. If these flames make it to the kitchen, this place is gonna blow."

 He pulled her through the kitchen and back up the dark hallway where she'd first seen him. A crash in the kitchen and Frank pulled her into the nearest room and under the huge desk that was in there.

 Within a second of getting behind the desk, the kitchen exploded from the flames hitting the gas line. The door to the room blew open and the window behind them shattered out.

 Y/N clingged to Frank who shielded her with his body. When the room settled, he checked around carefully as he stood up. He tensed when he saw a man huddled in the corner of the room. 

 Flames from the hallway now illuminated Frank's already frightening glare. He raised his gun at the man who offered up trembling hands in surrender.

 Y/N rose from behind the desk and glared at the man she recognized to be Dr. Kallstrom.

 "Who are you? Frank asked but Y/N answered.

 "This is the guy who tried to convince me I was crazy and that you were dead. He also tried to dope me up."

 When the doctor looked at her she all but bared her teeth.

 "That's right, tried. I never took your pills." She spit at him.

 "I-I-I'm sorry. I only did what I was paid to do!" He defended.

 Frank stepped closer and put the gun to his head. "Paid by who?"

 Kallstrom stuttered in fear. "I-I don't know! Some lady came and paid me to take her in and give her meds to make her shut up about The Punisher! Said no one could know about him!"

 Frank jerked the gun forward, pushing Kallstrom's head back too. "What lady?" 

 The doctor was tearing up. "I don't know! Older lady, always in a suit. She tells me to collect someone every once and awhile, pays big money to have them shut up about supers and vigilantes."

 "Who's gonna shut you up, I wonder?" Y/N asked with hatred in her voice and crossed arms over her chest. Tears still stained her cheeks but she somehow was able to convey her absolute disgust for him.

 "Shut me up?" He begged. "Why would I need to be shut up?"

 Frank smirked. "Cause I'm The Punisher." And he hit the doctor in the head with the butt of his pistol, leaving him collapsed on the floor.

 He took Y/N by the hand and they escaped through the broken window. They ran until they were certain that they weren't being followed. When they came to a hillside above the asylum, Y/N paused as she looked back. 

 "I wonder who all was sent there because they knew something that the government didn't want getting out?" She wondered.

 Frank stood beside her as they watched the buildings burn. "Don't know. But maybe someone who isn't being paid off will come in and actually help the people who need it."

 Y/N nodded. "Maybe."

 After a moment, Frank chuckled and looked at her curiously. " 'Who's gonna shut you up'? Where'd you come up with a line like that?"

 "Really? You show up almost two weeks late to rescue me and you wanna talk about my dialogue choices?" She sassed but the mood shifted again.

 "I really was looking for you. I had to call in some help after a few days and it took her some time to find you." Frank wrapped and arm across her shoulder and they turned from the asylum and kept walking. "I found you a lawyer to work a lawsuit against Harvey Inc, by the way."

 "Oh, really? You think anyone is going to take my case when I've been in a psych ward?" She leaned her head on him.

 "These people are pretty crazy themselves. You ever heard of Nelson and Murdock?"

 *   *   *

 “The Court finds Miss Y/L/N innocent of all charges. Harvey Trading will compensate Miss Y/L/N at the price of fifty thousand dollars and will be shut down indefinitely during the ongoing investigations of money laundering, various forms of harassment, fraud and theft.” The judge smacked his hammer and  dismissed the courtroom.

 Y/N jumped up hugging Foggy. “I can’t believe it!” She pulled back and ran her fingers through her hair with wide, wet eyes.  “I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you.” She laughed in shock.

 Karen hugged her and rubbed her back. “You don’t need to thank us. You deserved this.”

 “Uh, you do have to pay us, though.” Foggy reminded. After a look from Matt he added, “What? We’re broke too, remember.”

 Matt smiled. “The entire company is littered in scandal and I have no doubt that the police will find everything they need to shut them down permanently.” He assured. “I think you should have gotten more but I’m not the judge.”

 “Well, I’ll give your card to all my old coworkers. Most of the women there had been harassed by Jason or knew someone who was.”

 Matt nodded. “We appreciate that. Come on, I believe we get to go celebrate, now. And I know there’s someone you haven’t hugged yet.”

 The moment the roof door opened Frank was there to wrap Y/N in a hug and spin her around. “I told you!” He grinned while Y/N laughed.

 “You did.” She smiled as he put her down. 

 He hugged her again and kissed her head. “I’m happy for you, kid.”

 Y/N looked over to see Matt, Foggy and Karen smiling at them. “Well, I can’t take any of the credit.”

 Frank walked over to Matt to give him a firm handshake. “Thank you.”

 Matt nodded. “She deserved it.”

 Karen rolled her eyes lightly and gave Frank a hug. “He did it for you, too.” She pulled back at him. “I’m glad you’re doing well.”

 Frank smirked. “Yeah, I’m makin’ things work.” He said as he stepped back and shoved his hands in his pockets. He turned to see Matt, Y/N and Foggy pulling out drinks and talking. “She’s a good kid.”

 “You keep calling her that, but she’s my age.” Karen wondered with a rock on her heels.

 “She’s definitely younger than you.”

 “Not by much.”  

 He looked at Y/N briefly. “She keeps me good, ya know? She reminds me of...” He trailed off at the thought of his daughter.

 Karen nodded, “She told me what all you’ve done for her.” She looked proud of him.

 Frank’s brows went up for a second and that bashful half smiled came out. “Me? Nah, she’s the one takin’ care of me.”

 There was a pause, and unspoken moment of uncertainty. They both inhaled to speak but laughed and offered the other to go first. 

 “No, you go.” Frank insisted. 

 “I was just going to say that I, uh-”

 “Do you…” Frank took a deep breath. “Want to get a drink sometime?”

 Karen flushed and fidgeted with her nails. “I’d like that.”

 “Yeah?” He swallowed. “Good, good.”

 “Ugh, just make-out already!” Y/N yelled. “It’s a roof, not a library, we can all hear you. ANd If you’re not gonna then why don’t you two teens come celebrate with me.”

 Frank huffed and shook his head and Karen bit her lips. He jerked his head back and held out his hand which she took. They joined the group and Foggy gave them both a bottle.

 “To Y/N and the downfall of Harvey Trading!” Foggy toasted.

 “To the well deserved,” Karen added.

 Y/N raised her drink. “To not being crazy.”

 Frank chuckled. “I don’t know about that.” He teased.

 Y/N shoved him and grinned. They all took a drink and Y/N sighed in the comfort of this new found family. 

 “Did you ever find out who the woman was who paid the crazy doc to take Y/N in?” Frank looked to Matt.

 Matt sighed. “No, we’re still trying to figure that out but my guess- and I have no evidence yet- but I’m thinking it’s CongressWoman Newman. She’s had strings on every case you’ve been involved with and with a few others from Hell’s Kitchen.” He nodded. “I’m putting my money on her but I’ll get something solid soon.”

 Frank nodded and put an arm around Y/N’s neck, pulling her close. “As long as Y/N stays safe.”

 “Well, she can definitely afford a better apartment, now.” Foggy chuckled.

 “What’s wrong with my apartment?” Y/N looked at the group.

 Karen bit her lip and Foggy looked at Matt who chewed his bottom lip.

 “Everything.” Frank admitted.

 “Hey! I worked hard to make that place home.” SHe pouted, in mock offense.

 “Don’t get me wrong,” Frank defended himself, “You did great with what you had but you didn’t really have much to work with.” He snickered.

 Y/N rolled her eyes and took another drink. “Whatever. I like my apartment.”

 “Well, you’re going to want to move into someplace nicer, now.” Frank nudged her. “I think I’ve earned my own room, not just the couch.”

 Y/N raised her glass. “I’ll agree with you on that. Fine, I’ll start looking tomorrow.”

 Frank smiled, happy for Y/N. She deserved this. She deserved to live somewhere safer, somewhere nice. Somewhere he didn’t have to worry about her if he ever needed to take off again. He took a sip and winked at her. 

 “But I’m gonna get a place where the bedrooms are on opposite ends of the house,” She smirked and looked at the floor. “So, when Karen comes over I don’t have to listen to the beating of the headboard.”

 Frank choked on his drink.

*   *   *   *

Forever Tags:

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Crazy Tags:

@evilxcupcakexnik​ @harrysthiccthighss​

[emptynarration]

AUs and Verses (Short Edition)

Here’s a collection of my favorite AUs and Verses! Hopefully a bit shorter and more easily understood uwu

[HERE’S THE LONG EDITION, WHICH INCLUDES A COUPLE MORE TINY VERSES!!! DO CHECK THIS OUT AS WELL if you’re interested]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Normal / Default Verse

[Here’s the story of how Author turned into Host!]

Author was very greedy. He wanted to become a literal god. His greed attracted an actual old god, who abused Author’s greed.

The old god, named Alden, forced Author to gouge his own eyes out.

After Author passed out, after mutilating himself, Alden “possessed” Author’s body. Normally, its omnipotence destroys human minds. But not Author’s.

Due to neither being able to overpower/destroy the other, they came to a compromise, and share the body between them. Their body was named “Host”, as it now hosts the old god together with Author.

Over time, they grew so intertwined, that they’re one very well working person, while also still being their own.

Twisted Minds AU

[Here are the Fanfics I wrote about the whole AU]

The egos all live in a manor together, everything was alright.

One day, the body Dark used rotted away, and got too hard to keep going; so he had to leave it. Without a human body containing the entity which is Dark, slowly seeped into the manor again, even though he tries his hardest to stay contained in what was once his office.

Due to his shell-less self, everyone was slowly changed. Emotions brought to extremes, personalities flipped, appearances growing inhuman, etc.

[Here’s a little post about the gist of it all]

Author was also affected, like everyone else. But, due to Dr Iplier wanting to use Author in an experiment, and things going sour for the writer, he was thrown “into” Dark. He nearly died. He was changed, his sight gone and powers changed.

This made him into Host. And Host, due to his powers, realized how wrong this reality is, and how fucked up it is. Thus breaking him out of the cycle of madness, as well as making him a terrified being.

Cursed AU

Set in a fantasy world, slightly medieval perhaps.

Author and Host are brothers. They live in a cabin in a forest, away from other people, happy with only themselves as company.

One day, someone Author angered tried to kill him. But instead of Author, Host was hit, and was quickly dying from a curse.

Author didn’t care when he was hit with a curse as well, angry, wanting to kill that woman, but Host dying in his arms took priority.

The curse Author was hit with was worse, though. It turned him into a sort of “undead” state. And to stay “healthy” and strong, he had to leech the life-force from other people. The touch of his bare skin does so.

He unintentionally quickened Host’s death.

Author was cursed to live forever with this curse, unable to die. Due to the strong connections between the brothers, as well as the circumstance of his death, Host is stuck as a ghost.

Host is technically bound to the cabin, but, Author wears the same slightly magical necklace that Host had. This makes Host able to go with Author, though not stray too far from him.

Teeny Twins AU

[Here is a collection of Fics I’m writing!]

All of the egos are a little younger than typically (Between 24-38 on average, outliers being Magnum, Dark, Wilford being older, and Host, Author being younger)

Author and Host are twins and live together in their cabin in the woods.

They know where the egos live and visit them quite often.

They have their respective powers, but don’t know their full extends.

Neither of them wants to be anything like a god or something alike; the thought alone makes them uncomfortable and even scared.

They are quite mysterious but also total rascals. Favorite past time: pranks. They’re best friends with the Jims and Bing due to that.

Author is more active, energetic, and reckless. Host is more quiet and thoughtful.

everything i wanted AU

[Here’s two little fics I wrote about it]

Host and Author are twins. They grew up very close, and were eventually taken in by Dark and Wilford.

Author was very very open to explore his own powers, always pushing and pushing and pushing.

Dark, with the excuse of fearing Author would be a danger to himself and especially others, banished Author into the void, where Host had also gotten hurt in the process.

Author sort of became one with the void, gaining strange weird powers. With them, he managed to escape the void -just in time to save his brother, who didn’t want to live without him.

Swap AU

Egos’ “roles” and sorta their powers being switched around!

Host is “swapped” with Dark.

He is monochrome. He wears a black trenchcoat and black tights, as well as knee-high black combat boots. He has a bright strand of hair, no eyes, and bandages around his eyes.

[Here’s some info about the AU and Host’s/Dr Iplier’s/Dark’s/Wilford’s backstory!]

He is called Darkiplier in this AU (pronounced Dark-eeplee-er? sorta french lol).

He talks in third person as a comfort mechanism.

He doesn’t really have a goal like normal Dark (getting revenge on Actor) but he takes care of the other egos and keeps them safe and in check.

He does his radio show still, but has no narrating powers.

Florist AU

[Here’s the main artwork for it]

Author is a very soft boy, and a florist.

He writes very dark and gruesome stories he publishes online in his free time.

He lives in a pretty much one room apartment right above his flower shop. He’s not very wealthy, but he survives.

He loves tattoos, but is shy about getting more than the one he already has (plus money is a slight problem).

Painter AU

[Here's some art for it]

A human AU! Every ego is a human

It's focused on Author, but Host also exists as his twin brother!

Author is a somewhat famous painter, but he doesn't really care about the money. He's super clumsy and ditzy, a whole himbo mess really. But he looks like a hot fashion model.

Author is more the traditional medium guy. Mainly painting, but also sculpting, pencil drawings, illustrations.

Host is more the digital artist. Mainly illustrations, but also some painting stuff, also uses 3D sculpting for art purposes. Probably works with video games, making art, doing some voice acting.

Wilford is one of Author's friends and a fashion designer. He recommends models (and friends) for Author. He drags Dark to their friend-meetings a lot.

So Dark's a singer. Just wanted to sing for fun, but somehow it turned into popularity (like Billie Eilish whoops)

So Eric is Dark's boyfrend and makes music with him. Plays piano. Sings a little but very shy to do so anywhere other than a little for Dark's songs. Too nervous to meet the gang but everyone knows from dark talking about Eric anyways

The Jims twins work mainly on the video game Host helps working on as well. They both do the writing, but only one of them also does programming. They eventually meet up with Host sometime after a lot of only online talking and somehow love happens eventually

Little Demon AU

Host is a demon, still called Host.

He is 7 inches tall.

He has dark purple horns and two tails, and no bandages, but keeps his eyes closed.

Looking into his eyes will cause the looker to be pulled into their own mind and be faced with their deepest and darkest fear.

Host will be able to see that and interact with the person there, but also leave them there alone to suffer.

He can “teleport” short distances, mostly through shadows.

Harpy AU

Host has no name he goes by, but will let anyone name him.

He is 8 inches tall.

He’s a brown thrasher harpy.

He has slightly darker skin (than Mark), short, like brown fuzz on his head resembling hair; white feathers with dark spots on his chest and hips down his thighs, where his legs then turn into bird’s feet; dark brown, almost black eyes. His wings have light brown feathers.

He mainly eats fruits, berries, nuts and insects.

He isn’t afraid to attack anything larger than him, going so far as to attack humans if he has to.

Mermaid AU (other versions depending on size!)

Host goes by the name of Host.

He had almost been caught once by humans, which resulted in the loss of his eyesight, and thick scars over his eyes.

His scales are golden. His fins are slightly see-through, and tipped green. His ears are fins. He has fins on his underarms. He has scales on his shoulders and arms.

He has scales that glow in the dark, and markings on his face which also glow in the dark (not visible unless glowing)

He’s a siren, and thus can speak and understand English.

Underwater mermaids communicate via clicking sounds (kinda like morse code, but different).

Human AU [Second Version]

Host is named Markus Barker. Sometimes uses Host as nickname.

He is either: Born blind (sclera/pupil milky).                       Blind due to a disease (Neuromyelitis Optica).

He lives on his own with his pets. He either:     Lives in his cabin in the forest.                       Lives on the outskirts of town with a garden.

He has an older brother (Arthur, world-wide known author).

He works on a rather popular podcast as main-narrator. He also either: Works at a radio station.                    Stays at home (financial help from his brother).

Can also go with human Author, the aforementioned brother of Host.

Both can also exist without brother.

Human Slave AU

Host is named Markus Barker. Host is his nickname though

He is either: Born blind (sclera/pupil milky).                       Got his eyes gouged out by an owner.

He had been sold as slave when he had been a young child (around 4 y/o?).

[atopearth]

Fate/stay night Réalta Nua Part 5 - Heaven’s Feel Route (1/2)

Day 1-10 Since Sakura barely appears in the other routes after a while, I kinda forgot how soothing of a person she is, and how sweet it is that both Shirou and her love to cook for each other. I like how Shirou prioritised taking Sakura home for her safety rather than caring about the possibility of him and Shinji fighting (since Shinji doesn’t like Sakura going to Shirou’s place to cook). Honestly, with how beautiful and kind Sakura is, it’s really saddening how she feels like the only time she can truly be herself and have fun is when she goes to Shirou’s place to cook and spend time with him and Taiga. They’re such simple everyday things, but somehow it’s so difficult for her to truly have something so simple in her life. That bruise on Shirou…was it from one of the bugs at Sakura’s place or something? Although it seems implied in the UBW route (and explicitly shown in the UBW anime), I guess both Sakura and Rin were inspired by the Shirou four years ago that kept challenging a high jump bar for three hours persevering and never giving up for such a long time. Even though in the end, he wasn’t able to succeed, I think seeing him continue to try so hard really affected them and their mindset. In a sense, both Shirou and Sakura were feeling crap at that time, Sakura was probably plagued with the Matou family circumstances as usual with no outbreak at all (until she met Shirou properly and he taught her how to cook etc), and at that time Kiritsugu just passed away so Shirou was really down and just did reckless things as an outlet I guess. And yet now they’re both here supporting each other, it’s so cute. I loved how he brought a tea set and quietly had tea with her in the classroom until she felt better (since she seems really bothered about Shirou’s bruise).

I think a lot of the reason why Shirou is the way he is, is not only because of Kiritsugu saving him influencing him, but also the people he encountered in the fire ten years ago. It’s surprising, but it seems that in Shirou’s memories, a lot of the people he saw who died in the fire were people who sacrificed themselves for others. People who gave their lives to save children, people who would give their own limited water to another, only for them to die instead etc, and although there were people who walked past others “leaving” others to die, it didn’t really feel like something Shirou would blame them for, because he knew, he knew that in such a place surrounded by death, what you should blame aren’t the people who tried their best to survive but the existence of the fire itself, and that’s why I think Shirou is someone who aims to save everyone by not allowing such things to happen in front of him ever again, rather than the idea of saving people when terrible things happen. Well, I guess it’s kinda surprising that to an extent, Kotomine did understand Kiritsugu’s motivations etc fairly well, or maybe it took him 10 years to understand lol. Anyway, I guess it’s kinda interesting how even though Kiritsugu barely taught Shirou much about being a superhero saving everybody etc, Shirou still ended up going on this path towards an impossible dream just like him.

Hmm I guess Zouken is “alive” through the existence of the worms? Nice to see Shinji out of the picture (for now) but Zouken is definitely not going to just stop fighting~ Honestly disgusting to picture Rider “eating” an innocent woman’s spirit and mind etc, I wonder how many people they’ve done that to already… I loled when Shinji got reprimanded as useless by Zouken, but yeah he’s probably going to be even more annoying from now on even if he’s not a Master so zzzzz. On the other hand, Shirou panicking and consulting Rin on how he can protect Sakura from the war is so cute lol. Innocent Illya is always so cute but dangerous🥺🥺 I don’t blame Shirou for having a soft spot for her when she acts like that, and it’s not like she’s faking either, she’s genuine, but at the same time, she’s genuinely intending on killing Shirou. Omgg Taiga was so cute when she got traumatised at how scary Saber can be in a sword fight🤣 Everyone is so cuteeeeee lol. I love how Taiga misunderstood Shirou and Saber’s relationship (since she wants to sleep in the same room and will always obey Shirou lmao) and did a choke hold on him and threw him, but he was too heavy and she nearly hurt herself. It was so sweet how Shirou reprimanded her for doing something that could have hurt herself rather than being annoyed at her throwing him, he’s such a good boy. You definitely didn’t raise him wrong, Taiga!! LMAO at Taiga and Sakura talking about bras and sleeping with them on or not at night right in front of Shirou hahahaha. But yeah, it was really heartwarming how insistent Shirou was on telling Sakura to stay over because he was worried about her. He’s so nice😫 HAHAHA, Taiga totally deserved it when Sakura nearly killed her covering her mouth, she literally just told Shirou Sakura’s bra size!! It was hilarious but so embarrassing hahaha. Not gonna lie, Shirou was so cool when he carried Sakura back to the room. Sakura really is so reckless though. She fell asleep in the bath with a high fever and then fell down after she changed into her clothes, like seriously, take care of yourself better please Sakura!! You really can’t blame Shirou for being so worried about her tbh. And yes, I love it when the girl tugs on the guy’s shirt so that they’ll stay beside them until they fall asleep, it’s such an adorable thing to see all the timeee!

Oh man, seeing Assassin suffer such a gruesome death was terrible… I’m kind of surprised that Kuzuki lost considering how adept he is, but I guess…Sakura is a monster? Lol. Umm, that dream of Shirou having sex with Rin was way too vivid to be a dream imo, Sakura definitely did something to him! Does she eat men for magical energy or something?😟 Saber said he’s lacking magical energy, she’s definitely stealing it!!! Anyway, it was pretty cute how Sakura insisted on staying to take care of Shirou since he apparently has a fever. But at the same time, it felt ominous lol. Like, I don’t doubt Sakura’s intentions, but there’s definitely something dangerous about her that she’s probably aware of to an extent even if not fully. Lol at her getting mad every time Shirou mentions Rin though. Honestly though, Rin is the sweetest girl ever when she got all worried and concerned about Shirou not coming to school, she legit thought he died at Ryuudou Temple, it was so adorable to see how annoyed she was that he was so alive and well hahaha. Omgg, things were so peaceful without Shinji, I should have expected he’d come to get back Sakura yuckkk. Wow, he’s so disgusting, I can’t believe he just hit her straight away, and even insulted her and Shirou saying Shirou is just using her for sex, he’s straight up disgusting!! I wonder if Sakura’s fevers are caused by a lack of magical energy or something, I mean, her eyes changed back to being lifeless when she fell down due to the fever!! I never realised but (spoiler!) technically, both Sakura and Shirou were “adopted”! It’s kinda saddening when you think about that though, by getting adopted, Shirou was able to lead a normal life, whereas Sakura being adopted turned her whole life upside down… It’s nice to know that Shirou said he’d scold her if Sakura became a bad person (since she asked what he would do), but would he really? I feel like he’d comfort her and try to get her back on the “right” path more than he would shout at her haha.

I knew that Sakura found light and meaning to her life after taking care of Shirou after he got injured, but I didn’t think that Sakura was actually the one to persistently go to his place all the time to convince him that she should take care of him and cook for him etc. But I guess regardless of what her motivations were, she definitely didn’t expect that Shirou would give her the spare key to the house that Kiritsugu used to always use. Seeing her smile and so cherish that gift was quite touching, and at the same time I couldn’t help but admire how much Shirou trusted her that he could give something so important to her. I am legit so sad that the monstrous Assassin that appeared (and consumed the previous Assassin) also ended up killing and consuming Lancer😭😭 Honestly, I kinda find it frustrating that this is all happening. So, does that mean that if you take Sakura away from her home, they aren’t able to control her anymore or something? Or is it just Zouken causing trouble? HAHAHA, I loved Shirou’s impersonation of Rin at a yakiniku place being that she’ll devour her fill and say she went easy on him lmao, and I love how Rin said he was right🤣🤣🤣 Now that they’re cooperating (due to Caster still existing even though Shirou defeated her), I’m so glad to have the Shirou and Rin banter again! Like, Sakura is cute, but yeah. And lol at Rin realising too late that Shirou’s lunch was huge because Sakura made it hoping to eat it with him. I bet she waited for Shirou at the archery range thinking he’d go there since she suggested for him to go there🥺 Oh nooo, and she bumped into Shirou and Rin!! Omg, I love how Rin so easily cleared everything up and made Shirou realise that Sakura wanted to eat lunch with him! Rin even apologised about it, she’s legit so clear about it and so cool, I love her. I bet if Rin wasn’t there, it would have just turned into a situation where Sakura would be sad and Shirou would be clueless lol.

I loved how Shirou readied himself to go into the deadly Chinese restaurant that serves super hot spices from Hell (since Rin told him to go there after school), and he enters only to witness Kotomine eating mapo tofu (seemingly) furiously with his deadpan face lol! I knew Kotomine wouldn’t hesitate to reveal that he was a Master since Lancer is gone now and he wants info, but he really said it so nonchalantly lol. I loved how he actually ordered more than one serving of mapo tofu lmao, it was a great way to end their conversation hahaha. Do people really eat that just by itself?! On the other hand, it was obvious that Zouken used his blood sucking bugs or whatever they are to somehow live all this time (hundreds of years!), but it seems like there’s a limit and he’s reaching it since he can’t go out in broad daylight anymore. I was wondering when Shirou was going to remember his promise to meet with Illya at the park LOL. He totally deserved Illya getting mad at him, she waited for him in the cold!! Although Shirou saying he’ll do anything for her to forgive him leading to them going on a short little shopping trip seems to be the right choice (since there’s a CG of her enjoying the snow with Shirou), I really enjoyed how in the other option, Shirou takes Illya back to his house. I know it’s dangerous since she’s a Master, but it was just so innocent and sweet to see her enjoy something so simple like tea time with Shirou, exploring his house and even feeling sad that this is the place Kiritsugu was, so even if she wants to get mad at him, she can’t even show him anymore. It’s saddening, but it was rather bittersweet. Oh and I loved Saber arguing with Shirou about how dangerous it is letting Illya into the house, it was hilarious lmao.

Oh wow, so I guess Zouken devours humans with his bugs to kinda take their place/body? And his body is kinda literally bugs? I felt so sorry for the woman that literally got eaten… Hmm, so this magic of his only keeps his soul alive, so no matter how many bodies he takes over, he can only retain the form of Zouken himself, and due to that, his body is constantly rotting since it’s at it’s utter limit I guess. I find it so terrible that he now has to get a new body every few months now when he used to last fifty years in one, he’s really been killing so so many people! His soul is rotting is an interesting way to phrase how his existence really can’t be sustained in this world anymore… It seems like Archer recognises that “shadow” that swallows up everything and was forced to defeat it before or clean up after it…. It’s kinda disgusting that Zouken states that his simple wish for the holy grail to grant is for him to be able to live (without rotting) and yet he sacrifices every other person’s wishes to live for himself. I’m not surprised that Saber ended up getting consumed and possibly controlled by that dark thing that consumed Lancer too, but I’m honestly disappointed. Well… Rider appearing to save Shirou was rather random and unexpected even if Shinji wants Shirou to be alive so he can prove to everyone and Rin that he’s not inferior to him.. I knew Sakura would be “happy” that Saber is now gone, so she can have Shirou to herself, but I guess Shirou went against her expectations that he won’t get hurt anymore (since Saber is gone), and instead he’s going to go out even more now… I wonder if her intense hatred for whatever that is hurting Shirou is kinda causing her to go around at night as the “shadow”? Anyway, apparently Sakura is more of a pervert than Shirou lol! She legit just masturbated to him after seeing his stomach and his back when she tended to his wounds lol! And lol is Sakura like a yandere?! She’s literally thinking about hurting Shirou so much that he can’t go outside just so that he won’t be able to hurt himself anymore… Like, lady, I don’t know about hurting him to stop him from hurting himself…isn’t that a bit contradictory?? At least put him in a cage or something instead LOL.

Oh wow, I never realised that Taiga’s family is rich and has many housekeepers! That’s why Shirou was able to ask for one to help care for Sakura’s fever whilst he went to school. Like dang! LMAO at Tiger Dojo 28 when Illya tries to take over the Tiger Dojo with a tank and Taiga destroys it in one hit hahahah. Now that I think about it, when Rider said she protected Shirou because her Master said to not let him die, did she actually mean Sakura? Lol. Honestly, with the fact that Sakura being the legitimate successor of the Matou family and being the one who used a Command Spell to order Rider to listen to Shinji making him a pseudo Master, you really gotta wonder how Shinji can be so shameless and disgusting to take Sakura hostage and kick her and harm her all the time when really, he’s only a Master because of her. Hmm, Rider has eyes of petrification and she never used it until this route?! Anyway, Sakura always stops going crazy when she realises that she hurts Shirou so I think everyone should just do that from now on if they want Sakura to stop lol.

I’ve always been a bit unsure of what exactly is wrong with Sakura so it’s nice that Kotomine is explaining things lol. But hmm basically, Zouken placed a crest worm inside of Sakura to monitor her, but since this worm has lived inside her for 11 years, it’s practically become a part of her like a Magic Circuit and has since transformed into her Magic Crest. But when this crest activates, it violates all her nerves and absorbs her magical energy, and since it’s so entrenched within her, it can suck all her magical energy dry and eat her for nutrition if it continues to rampage once activated.. Oh, and the crest activates when Sakura refuses to fight the battles as a Master and tries to abandon it… That’s so cruel.. and I see…Zouken never intended on using her in the war until now because he saw her as the shadow (and thought he could win the war this time)! So in the end, it’s because Shirou cared about her too much in this route that led to this lol. Ooh and I guess that shadow appears because Sakura is already using most of her magical energy to sustain Rider, so that requires the worm to get the energy somewhere else somehow.. 

Kotomine was right when he told Shirou to leave so he could perform surgery on Sakura to save her (from the attack she used on herself so that she wouldn’t hurt Shirou). All this time, Sakura has been carrying heavy mental burdens being beside Shirou. It was only when she could do simple things like cook with him at his house that she could wish for something like a normal and happy life. Even if it was like a dream, it was a happy dream for her, and she would continue doing that forever if she could. But the truth was, just as being with Shirou brought her an endless amount of happiness, it also brought her pain because she couldn’t help but think that she doesn’t deserve him, especially when she compares herself against others like Saber and Rin. She’s not as strong as Saber and she’s not as fun or witty as Rin, so she feels that she can’t win against them in any area, but regardless, she loves Shirou and wants to be the one with him even if she’s not pure. But at the same time, the fact that she’s not pure (aka a virgin) like the others makes her hesitate, she feels bad that she’s not pure like Shirou, she feels like she can’t stand by him like the others can, she can’t raise her head with pride and fight with them for him, because she doesn’t believe she deserves him, and it’s saddening to think of how terrible of a life she’s had this whole time.

Shirou’s choice between continuing to be a superhero or discarding it to protect Sakura (since as long as she is alive, she will be forced to fight and kill others) is an agonising choice. What Archer said really hit the nail on the head though, all this time, Shirou had lived in order to save as many people as he can, if he chooses to protect Sakura, he’ll be giving up on this belief that makes up what the person “Shirou” is. He’ll be burdened with the fact that he abandoned his belief for one person and will be tormented by that fact for the rest of his life. Not only would his individual guilt destroy him, but the fact that he is abandoning Kiritsugu’s promise would kill him on the inside… But I guess at the same time, Shirou can’t forgive the fact that he was always beside Sakura and yet he knew nothing of the pain she experienced and mentally carried. He was so oblivious to her even though he vowed to be a superhero, he must be thinking about how foolish he was to even dream of being a superhero when all along, he couldn’t even protect one of the closest people to him. And also the fact that he ignored how probable it was that Sakura was involved in all this by believing in Zouken’s words that she wasn’t, just because it was convenient to believe so, since if he doesn’t know, then there’s no reason to fight against her or be wary of her. But now, he’s forced to face the fact that she is Zouken’s puppet and he has to choose what he prioritises most. I didn’t realise how much Illya’s simple gesture of patting Shirou’s head even when he pushed her away (due to the pain of his indecision and regret) could sway me. I legit cried because it was such a touching thing to do for Shirou right now. She knew he was in pain and she knew she couldn’t leave him, all because she wanted to protect him and be his ally since she loves him. It broke my heart to know Illya felt so much for Shirou, she’s such a sweet girl. Illya’s right, huh? If Shirou chooses to persist being a superhero despite sacrificing the people he loves most, he is choosing the same life Kiritsugu followed; one where he threw away all the people he loved to save people he didn’t even know. In the end, regardless of which choice Shirou makes, he will hurt himself. By sacrificing the person he loves now, there is no limit to his sacrifice in the future, because if he has already sacrificed one of the most important people to him now, he won’t allow himself to hesitate to sacrifice anything else that’s precious to him in the future, because that’s the path he’s chosen. And that’s just so terrible, because it really will end up just being that same lonely path Kiritsugu and Archer had walked, a life where you abandon everything and yourself for a dream that is the “right path”… I also find it so saddening that Rin is burdened as the supervisor of this land and it’s people, so she has to harden her heart and kill Sakura to protect them. The Holy Grail War between a Rin and Shirou who have both sacrificed Sakura must be a painful one.

I never realised how much I needed Shirou to choose to protect Sakura instead of persisting in being a superhero until I actually made the choice and went to the Tiger Dojo haha. Although he’s choosing to protect the person he loves, I don’t feel like he’ll be completely abandoning his ideals, because as he said to Sakura before, if she’s doing something bad, he will scold her, and I think in this case, he will with the best of his ability stop her from causing any more harm and he will risk his life to do it, whilst using his life to atone for it if Sakura kills anyone. Ooh, so if Shirou chooses to protect Sakura, Kotomine uses up his Magic Crest (he just used up all the magic that was built up through generations!) to treat Sakura and is able to remove most of the crest worm! I guess he’s really interested in seeing how much suffering Sakura’s existence will cause upon Shirou and Rin lol. Sakura’s loss of magical energy is slowly eroding her sanity?! So that’s where the shadow comes from, huh? She’ll eventually lose all sense of herself due to that loss from the crest worm huh.. You know, with the way things have gone, a lot of people may say it’s cliche, and that even the part where Sakura unleashes all her true feelings and thoughts to Shirou is within reason of what you would expect her to say and him to react to, but I couldn’t help but have my heart crushed by it all. And I think that’s because a lot of it stems from the fact that I’ve read through the other routes. If I didn’t read through the previous two routes, I don’t think Shirou’s dilemma between choosing Sakura and persisting as a superhero would hit me as hard, because if I didn’t see his perseverance and unwavering determination, I wouldn’t truly understand how hard of a decision it was for Shirou to choose Sakura (even if he intends on saving everyone else along with her) because he is carrying the risk that people could die by allowing her to live, and Shirou choosing that shows how much he cares for Sakura and how much he doesn’t want to lose her. For Sakura, this is the first time you ever really get to see her true raw emotions of everything she has felt this whole time, and seeing her cruel past contrasted with how everything was in the beginning, you can really see how the “boring” slice of life parts of her life in each route was really what kept her going this whole time, Shirou gave her hope even if he was oblivious, he gave her happiness in the simplest form she could imagine and hope for, and now seeing Shirou choosing to help keep her simple happiness over everything else really melts my heart because of how much she had suffered all this time by herself. When Shirou said he would be her superhero, it honestly felt bittersweet because it really feels like a very painful compromise of his dream, yet it was also beautiful because it also means that Shirou has finally found something he himself deems to be more important than anything, for once in his life, he’s chosen to be a “normal selfish” person.

It’s kinda cute how awkward they were the morning after they had sex lol. I think the funniest thing was the fact that Rider was there the whole time they were having breakfast hahaha, she didn’t say anything at all so I didn’t notice lol. It’s kinda saddening that Sakura is riddled with competing emotions of not wanting Shirou to be hurt, but also being happy that Shirou is getting hurt for her now since she’s suffered all this time and he was oblivious to her pain. Although she’s leaning more towards being happy that he’s getting hurt for her, I feel like she’s being influenced by the worm and the shadow etc and is being consumed by the darkness into feeling like that. But of course I’m sure it stems from a part of her that feels like that, I just feel like the shadow probably amplifies all those negative emotions. Although I should have expected to see Saber Alter considering what happened to Caster, it was still kinda saddening to see her appear like that. And lol, legit there’s going to a whole army of the Servants as an Alter version with how the mud is consuming them all… Saber Alter looks pretty cool, mainly her armour though, her face looks a bit too…dead? I always hate seeing Archer die😭 Especially when he sacrifices himself to protect Rin. It also seems like he has some sort of regret towards Illya too? Was he not able to save her in other times or something? Anyway, it’s interesting that Archer is able to kinda like “combine” with Shirou and grant him the battle experience etc he had? On the other hand, I really wonder how Shirou is going to react when he realises what the shadow actually is… I find it quite fascinating that they could transplant Archer’s arm to Shirou (since he lost his left arm to the shadow when he protected Illya), and that it doesn’t disappear because now the arm is being supported by Shirou’s magical energy now. Lmao at Illya and Rin arguing about Shirou being their Servant since for Illya, she didn’t kill him the whole time the war was on, and for Rin, Archer gave his arm to Shirou and saved his life so he should take Archer’s place now was pretty funny hahaha. It was hard to pick between the two, but seeing Illya so happy if you pick being “her Servant”, it’s kinda worth it haha.

I’ve never really been interested in Kirei, but it was nice to know that his father called him Kirei because he hoped for him to be beautiful, moralistic and I guess, a good person. And he lived up to those expectations, but never felt anything for doing what he did, so in the end, even though he did “beautiful” things that his father was proud of, he was never really the “beautiful person” he was supposed to be. It’s interesting that he forced himself to continue like that hoping he could understand this beauty through being a priest etc like his father, but I wonder, if Kirei didn’t feel so restrained by being the beautiful person he was supposed to be all his life and instead questioned it when he realised it, would he have turned out the same way? I know he says he finds beauty and interest in other people suffering and all the supposedly “bad” stuff, but I feel like questioning what’s good and bad is a part of life, and I feel like if he actually allowed himself to ponder it more instead of actually doing these “bad things” to see how it affected him, maybe he could have also understood himself better and understood his father’s beliefs better. Now, instead of questioning things, he’s just gone all out to do all the stuff that makes people suffer in order to satisfy himself for all the “happiness” he lacked when he was doing good stuff. I think in a sense, it’s kinda saddening that Kirei never really got the chance to explore himself properly because he was so obsessed about what was so great about doing good imo. I don’t blame Sakura for getting angry at Shirou. It’s like, if it was still before when he wanted to hide the war from Sakura I would understand, but she’s a crucial part to the war now, and it’s obvious that his arm isn’t really his anymore, it’s really disrespectful of him to lie to her that it’s just a bit of an injury, it’ll only make Sakura worry even more and think of herself as even more useless. His kindness will kill her someday honestly lol. I’m glad Shirou reflected on his actions quickly and apologised for prioritising “looking tough” for Sakura rather than her feelings.

Overall, for now, there’s nothing much to say about the fights since they’re really just the shadow eating up everyone lol. As for the emotions though, I’m really liking how Shirou has been dealing with the ups and downs of caring for Sakura and prioritising her. His decision was definitely the highlight of the ten days, but I also really enjoyed seeing how cute and innocent Illya was. Kinda wish she did get her own route haha. Otherwise, things are just building up for now as usual, so nothing much to comment! I’ll still say that although I see why Sakura is the way she is, I honestly still find her a rather lacklustre heroine where I don’t particularly feel anything for her? It’s like, for Saber, I got annoyed sometimes with how stubborn she was, but Shirou was also stubborn so fair enough, and I just really loved Rin because of how cool and great she was etc. But for Sakura, I honestly don’t dislike her or like her because I still feel like she’s more of a trope than a character to me? It feels like she’s there to push Shirou into doing what he needs to do to protect her, but on the other hand, there’s nothing really interesting about her? Maybe that’ll change in the second half though, so we shall see~ Honestly though, I just don’t want to see Rin or Illya die🥺

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Late (20.4)

Chapter Warning: Blood, death, supernatural/paranormal ideas, plot, MAJOR BP deviation

 Word Count: 6111K (Y’all did say that there was no such thing as too many words)

 Note: Okay so here we go. Sh*t is about to get interesting and trippy. Roll with it please. I know the last chapter is stretching out like a mini-series within a chapter LOL, I definitely keep coming up with alternates and wanting to incorporate them ALL, like a crazy scientist. LOL. It’s coming to an end I promise. Bear with me.

 As always, thank you ALL for reading! I appreciate each and every one of you and your comments, likes, questions/asks, words of encouragement and even criticism in disguise as kindness. LOL.

***Loosely edited/proofread***

***Interactive Chapter***

Thank you guys for reading. I appreciate it. If you enjoyed this, please LIKE, drop a COMMENT, REBLOG. ❤️  ❤️  

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T’Challa stood back and watched his talented medical team work on Y/N. After finding you in your bathroom and registering the horror that had transpired his grief washed over him like a tidal wave and almost made him give up, but the panther in him refused. Somehow, he found the strength and will to leap into action. He wasted no time gathering your lifeless body and running through the halls to the medical wing. He knew that the brain had about ten minutes of viable activity. He had a ten-minute window and last chance. As he ran through the hall, he left a long trail of her blood behind him. Those who were in the palace watched in horror and shock.

 “She has no pulse; we need to increase the electrical charge. Charging to one hundred and fifty,” informed one of the doctors.

 The sound of the machine charging up rang out loudly in a high-pitched whirring. T’Challa watched the doctor touch the paddles to your bare chest. Your body arched off the table from the power of the electrical current coursing through your body. When they removed the paddles, you dropped back to the bed. Everyone looked to the heart rate monitor, but nothing changed.

 “Again, charge to two hundred and fifty.”

 Within seconds the paddle touched your skin again repeating the same actions as before. T’Challa hopefully looked at the monitor silently praying for some improvement. His prayers remained unanswered. The doctors looked to each other clearly reluctant to increase the charge any higher.

 “Why have you stopped, do it again, go higher,” T’Challa shouted.

 “My king, if we go any higher, we could do more harm than good,” a doctor warned.

 “She is dying; you need to do something for her!”

 “With all due respect my king, the little activity we see is not enough to render she is still living,” a second doctor apprehensively informed as if he were afraid to say the words.

 T’Challa looked horrified and quickly grabbed the doctor by the lapels of his white coat.

 “You will save her. Now!”

 “T’Challa release him,” Ramonda firmly ordered. He reluctantly listened and slowly released the doctor back to his feet. The doctor quickly scurried away from him and stood close to the window in the room, the furthest location from T’Challa.

 “Mother, they cannot give up. She has to live; she cannot die!”

 Ramonda looked to your lifeless body on the table and looked around at all the other doctors quickly trying to try any and everything to restart your heart. As she looked at the machines, she knew the wonders of Wakanda’s medical team, but she also knew reality.

 “How long she been like this?”

 “Practically since she was brought in, almost twelve minutes Queen Mother,” one of the doctors informed.

 Ramonda took a deep breath in before she looked down.

 “T’Challa––, “ Ramonda began before he interrupted her.

 “No, no umama, no! do not say the words. Help her! What kind of doctors just give up? Help her!” T’Challa shouted, his voice booming off the walls. The floors unexpectedly shook. All eyes in the room widened and looked around.

 “Calm yourself, my son,” Ramonda uttered placing her hand on his forearm.

 “Calm? How can I be calm? I just walked into the most gruesome scene I’d ever seen in my life all because of Nakia. She is like this because of her; she is like this because of me. Just when things were becoming easier and clearer, this happened. We were finally in the clear mother, finally. No, I cannot lose her. I cannot, I refuse!” T’Challa ranted.

 He moved to the side of the bed next to you and stared at your chest as if he were looking through you. The doctors that were near you stepped back once they saw his eyes change in color to the intense yellow of the panther. T’Challa closed his eyes and focused on the shape of your heart before he scanned your body. He saw the blood barely flowing through your body; he saw the trauma to your kidney and small intestines because of the large shard protruding from your abdomen. He focused more intensely and scanned higher to your neck where he saw the fatal puncture to not only your carotid but also your jugular. He released a low growl in his chest. He honed his senses in to dig deeper, he did not hear the steady beating of her heart, but he heard some sort of murmur. He placed his hand atop her chest and willed his senses to stretch further. He’d never done this on anyone but himself since he’d discovered he could do it. This was a challenge, one he would not shy away from. He felt a faint electrical charge through his fingers; he felt the electrical charge of a life force. When he felt his own, it felt as if it were sucking inward, feeling hers, it was seeping out. He heard the murmur again, it was ever so slight, but it was there.

 He opened his eyes and reached for the paddled of the defibrillator and geared the charge to three hundred before he brought them close to your chest. The doctors leaped forward.

 “No, my king, you cannot, a charge of three hundred will cause irreparable damage.”

 “I can hear her heart; she needs a higher charge than the one you’ve administered.”

 “T’Challa, I know that you do not want to face it, neither do I. If you do this, if you somehow brought her back, you will have damaged her heart. She has been without oxygen for too long, brother she will not be the same. Look at the wavelengths of her brain,” Shuri counseled through her own tears.

 T’Challa looked to the monitor Shuri pushed toward him. He saw no activity, none, not even a blip. He looked to Shuri.

 “I’m sorry brother. She is far from our advances,” Shuri finished.

 T’Challa scrunched his face with the painful reality creeping on him. He felt the tears prick his eyes.

 “Shuri, help her, please!”

 Shuri’s tears streamed down her cheeks like waterfalls; her heart hurt with this reality.

 “Brother, I wish more than anything I could. She is far from my advances. uxholo!”

 She put her hand on his calmly leading him to put the paddles down.

 Just then Zuri hurried into the room.

 “There is another way!” Zuri rushed out. All eyes fell to him.

 “She may be far from Wakanda’s technological advances, but she is not far from the ancestors’,” Zuri confessed.

 Everyone stood in confusion of his riddle.

 “Zuri I have no times for your riddles, what are you talking about?” T’Challa inquired.

 “The heart-shaped herb T’Challa,” Zuri enlightened.

 T’Challa looked to him confusion shining through his eyes as he contemplated what he meant. He couldn’t mean giving her the herb, the herb that was only meant for the kings of Wakanda, those of Wakandan blood. He could not mean this. As he and Zuri exchanged looks, he was becoming more and more confident that this was what he meant.

 “Zuri, you don’t mean––“

 “I do mean it, my king; we give Y/N the heart-shaped herb. We perform the same ritual that was done on you.”

 “Zuri,” Ramonda began with wide eyes.

 “While I love Y/N, the herb is meant for the kings of Wakanda, it is meant for those who have Wakandan blood flowing through them. Those without the blood—” Ramonda trailed off.

 “This would kill her Zuri,” T’Challa groaned.

 “No my king, it could kill her, if we do nothing, that will kill her.”

 “Pardon me, but she is already dead, medically she is dead,” the doctor closest to Zuri reasoned.

 “Life and death are all but words. T’Challa I’ve taught you this. You should not be able to be The Black Panther, you should not be stronger than one hundred men, you should not have knowledge past your own life yet you possess all the knowledge from the kings before you, you should not be able to smell, or hear everything, nor should you be able to see in the dark or see heat signatures. You should not be relatively unbreakable or have super healing, and you definitely should not have any hypercosmic awareness. None of this should have any of this, medically you cannot, yet you do,” Zuri schooled.

 T’Challa knew what he spoke was true. When he was a child Zuri was in charge of his panther studies, the lessons every future king had to endure. He taught him all about the balance of the land and man; he taught him about the delicate dance of life and death and that which lied in-between.

 “Zuri, the in-between.”

 “Yes, T’Challa.”

 T’Challa looked to your lifeless body again and quickly thought of all the ramifications of the decision he was about to make. He touched your blood smeared cheek leading a path to your lips. Your skin was beginning to cool; the cool of death. He clenched his jaw tightly.

 “Let’s go.”

 Within seconds T’Challa scooped you within his strong arms and hurried out the door with a line that comprised of Shuri, Ramonda, the Dora, Zuri and a handful of doctors following closely behind him.

 “Stay with me Y/N, stay with me,” he whispered into your ear praying to Bast herself he wasn’t about to not only cause you harm but disrupt that balance or upset the ancestors. He gripped your tighter and pushed the thoughts from his mind. He’d given you up for Wakanda once before; he refused to do it again!

 With the Dora clearing a path for T’Challa to freely run he ran into the temple covered in blood, carrying your lifeless body. The Dora stationed at the doors attempting to keep the group of Wakanda citizens from entering. They also did their best to clam their worries about your health.

 T’Challa followed Zuri into the catacombs of the City of The Dead, trying hard not to feel the irony of it all. He glanced down to your face; he almost couldn’t feel the electrical surge through you.

 “We must hurry Zuri, I barely feel her anymore.”

Just then they turned into the alcove where the plant was grown and harvested. He passed several temple workers. Once they saw him, they rose to their feet and presented him with the traditional Wakandan salute. Zuri bent to pluck a fragrant purple bud and turned right. Once they stepped into another alcove that held the rust-colored earth, T’Challa rushed toward it.

 “Put her atop the earth.”

 T’Challa abided as the rest of his entourage filled into the small space.

 “Transfuse me,” T’Challa ordered as he began to unbutton his shirt.

 His voice didn’t speak of a debate to begin it spoke of authority, authority that he expected to be recognized. As soon as he spoke the words one of the doctors approached with the necessary tools and began finding his vein. T’Challa didn’t pay any attention to the doctor all he did was stare at Y/N. as he stared, he pushed his senses trying desperately to find any remnants of life within you. His search was becoming futile; there was no more within you.

 “She cannot wait anymore Zuri!” T’Challa rumbled as the doctor punctured his vein with the vibranium crafted needle, he watched his blood ooze through the winding tube until it went into her arm.

 He was not happy with the speed of the transfusion.

 “More.”

 The doctor adjusted the valve on the side of the needle allowing the flow to slightly increase. T’Challa felt the slight change of pressure, but he still knew it was not enough.

 “More.”

 The doctor looked to Zuri and then to Ramonda to see if no one was going to object. When no one did, he obeyed, increasing the flow yet again. This increase he felt. He rolled his shoulders back and straightened his posture allowing himself to adjust to the outflow of blood.

 “More.”

 “T’Challa, if you go any higher you will be compromised,” Ramonda warned.

 “I do not care mother. The only thing I care about is lying right in front of me. She needs my blood if she has any hope of surviving this.”

 He looked to Zuri and nodded permitting him to proceed. Zuri approached your body. T’Challa saw Shuri crouch down and hold open your mouth. She gave him a reassuring smile, one that spoke of her undying support and loyalty. T’Challa nodded his gratitude. Zuri poured the purple liquid into your mouth. As the fluid traveled through your body, it illuminated you from within giving your skin the familiar purple glow T’Challa expected. The entire room was suspended in an anxious state. Each held anxiety for their own reasons; for the doctors it was their vow to do no harm, Okoye with the wellbeing of her king the man she’d sworn to protect and help to the best of her ability. She knew that if this did not work, he would never be the same. Shuri and Ramonda also held the same anxieties, Shuri for the sister she never had, the sister she loved deeply.

 Once your entire being was glowing purple, your body lurched off the rust earth and began seizing. The doctors lept forward beginning to attempt to intervene.

 “No,” Zuri interjected holding out a hand to keep them at bay.

 “Whatever happens now has to happen. We cannot intervene.”

 Everyone watched in anguish as your body violently convulsed of its own volition. T’Challa clenched his fists allowing the surge of blood to increase into you. He zeroed in his senses in on you and tried to sense whatever he could. He picked up on your distress and wanted to help. He looked to Zuri who shook his head.

 “This is the difficult part.”

 T’Challa closed his eyes and centered himself and calmed his emotions and instead used his connection to the earth and to Bast to pray for guidance and her favor. No king was above prayer. After a few minutes, your body dropped still, and everyone watched as the earth sucked you beneath its surface.

 “Bast has allowed it, the earth has accepted her, the rest is up to her and the ancestors. If she is meant the earth must choose to release her, but Bast has to bless her to return,” Zuri informed. T’Challa closed his eyes once more, but he could not feel you, nor sense you. You were on your own, and the thought of that terrified him. He was helpless, he held no power here, no control.

  -Y/N-

Darkness swallowed you whole. What was worse was there was no air, you began to gasp for air unable to find any. Every inhale you took you felt dirt fill your mouth. You tried to cough it up, but even that was useless because it only pushed more into your mouth. You began to flail your arms and legs around trying to push yourself out of whatever you wer either submerged or entangled in. After a few minutes of struggle, your circumstances remained the same. You began to panic unable to see any escape.

 “Calm yourself.”

 You heard from some distance away. You turned in every direction trying to see, but there was nothing but darkness. You continued your futile efforts to escape; your failure was increasing your panic.

 “Calm yourself now!”

 Your movements stopped, and you remained still, everything in you screamed panic, but you no longer had control over your extremities. You were forced to remain still.

 “First the body, but only you can calm from within. Calm yourself.”

 You willed yourself to find some calm, normally it would be a quick feat, but this time it was one of the most challenging things you’d ever done. Slowly you felt yourself begin to relax. You felt your heart slowing. Just above you, you could see some glimmer of light.

 “Calm is the first step. Now you must believe.”

 You had no idea what the hell was going on, no idea who was talking, no idea what the hell they meant. What’s more, you had no idea where the hell you were.

 “Believe Y/N.”

 You stared at the twinkle of light and tried to focus on it. You tried to remember your meditation teachings from T’Challa. T’Challa. At the thought of him, it all came back to you. The last seven years flashed by in a whirlwind and ended on your death.

 “I’m dead,” you thought.

 “Not dead per se.”

 “If not dead then what am I? Please don’t say I’m a ghost and stuck in limbo,” you thought

 “That comes later. now all you have to do is believe.”

 “Believe in what?” you thought.

 “Wakanda.”

 You contemplated the words and what they meant. You’d always believed in Wakanda, always believed in everything it stood for, everything it wanted, you believed in Wakanda so much you’ve given the last seven years of your life to it and given your heart to its king.

 “Do you believe?”

 “Yes,” you thought.

 Suddenly, you felt as if you were being pulled toward the light, as you got closer it the brighter it became. On the final tug, you gasped and felt the cooling sensation of air. You violently coughed taking in the breath you felt as if you’d been deprived of. After several minutes your coughing subsided, and you looked to the side and saw tall grass. You reached your hand out and threaded your fingers through the smooth blades. You dropped your hand down and it sunk into the dirt. You balled your fist and gathered a handful of the soil. As your vision cleared, you peered up into the purple-hued sky. It was then common sense took over. You sprang up to a sitting position and took in all that as before you.

You looked over the aurora borealis tinted sky, the rolling hills, and the trees. It was beautiful. You slowly stood up and stared out into the horizon. Further out the sky looked thunderous, and it slowly approached. You looked directly over your head and marveled at the sight before you. You knew there was no way this could be.

 “I’m dead.”

 “Not dead,” came a voice from behind you.

 You spun around to come face to face with a black panther who was standing in front of a massive tree filled with tens of other panthers.

 “Holy shit!” you staggered backward a few steps and braced yourself preparing to run.

 “Calm yourself,” came the voice from your head again. Only this time it looked like it came from the panther itself.

 “What the actual fuck is this?”

 The panther took two steps toward you, and it was two too many. You turned and took off across the field toward a smaller tree. Once you reached it, you hid behind it pressing your back to the bark. You panted trying to catch your breath. You peeped from the side of the tree to see the panther sitting a few feet from the tree you were hiding behind. You pressed your back to the bark once again preparing to run when you recalled the conversation; you’d had with T’challa after he was crowned king. He spoke of his experience seeing his father, his experience in the ancestral plane. You slowly looked around at the sight before you. Everything was a replica of what T’Challa had described. Everything.

 “Oh my god, this can’t be,” you marveled.

  “Do you believe?”

 Your spine went stiff; the voice sounded like T’Chaka’s. You took a deep breath unsure what you’d find, too terrified to expect anything. You slowly peeped from behind the tree again and saw the panther still sitting there. Just as you were about to draw back behind the tree, you watched the panther transform from animal to man. Your eyes bugged out in panic as you stared at T’Chaka.

 “T’Chaka?”

He held out his hand to you, offering it to you. You slowly walked from behind the tree to him, taking in his figure. Once you stood before him, you placed your hand in his outstretched one. He was a solid figure; he was real.

 “Oh fuck,” you uttered before you passed out cold on the ground before him.

 When your vision returned to you, the sky remained the same purple hue. You sat up and saw T’Chaka standing there still.

 “You are not imagining this; this is not a dream. It is real; you are here,” he explained.

 “Here? Here is where exactly?”

 “Y/N, you know where. All that remains is for you to speak the words.”

 He calmly stood there waiting for you to accept it. Most of you welcomed the acceptance but a small part of you refused, it must have been the American part, the part that could not believe as all of Wakanda could. You took a deep breath in and slowly released it. Looking around once again the evidence pointed to the facts of what he was saying. You looked back to him and let go of that part of refusal.

 “The ancestral plane.”

 T’Chaka smiled.

 “The final resting place of all of Wakanda’s kings.”

 “King T’Chaka—” you began.

 “Here we are all kings, call me T’Chaka,”

 “The rightful king is not here. Why are you here?”

 You sighed and rolled your eyes at the long sorted tale.

 “You don’t know?”

 “Of course I know, we see all. he spread out his arms as if to emphasize we.

 You looked behind him again at all the other Panthers still watching you. Except now they were all on the ground lined in front of the tree.

 “Do not worry about them. Come, walk with me,” T’Chaka encouraged as he walked off toward the horizon. You fell in next to him.

 “I knew when I first met you that there was something formidable within you. Something that kings and queens are made of. Something that would serve you well in whatever path you chose. As the years passed, I saw it was something that would serve you when you became queen.”

 “What? Me, queen?”

 “Tell me you had never thought about it?”

 “Never, it was not something that I thought would ever be possible. The council had their wishes, and I am not Wakandan. I knew my place and my role,” you informed. T’Chaka studied you with a look of admiration on his face.

 “The day I realized how you felt about T’Challa and that he felt the same way and had for a long time I spoke to Ramonda, my wise, beautiful queen and told her. She merely laughed because she had long seen it. she told me I was a blind man and all I had to do was watch the width of T’Challa’s smile when he spoke of you.”

 You smiled, but also saw longing on T’Chaka’s face as he mentioned Ramonda’s name. You recognized pain, longing, and love when you saw it.

 “She misses you also, her and Shuri do,” you voiced. He nodded and released the breath he took in.

 “I shall see her again, one day. That thought comforts me. Our love is eternal,” T’Chaka expressed. You smiled, you’d always admired their love, their marriage. Admired how T’Chaka put her above all else and never went a single day without showing her just how much she was loved.

 “Tell me Y/N, do you love my son?”

 The unexpected question shocked you and caught you off guard.

 “Uh—” was the only thing you could muster.

 “In this place, while I have all the time in the world, you do not. You are dying Y/N. You are already dead. T’Challa and Zuri have decided to give you the herb in hopes of some miracle. Part of that miracle has been accomplished; you are here. So tell me.”

 You took a deep breath and felt nervousness. You’d never said these words aloud, and the thought of actually doing it scared you. You were admitting the power one man had over you, the power he had over you to make you happy or break your heart. That thought alone was more terrifying than the to the death combat you just had with Nakia. Because it was terrifying was what had always kept you from saying the words to T’challa. Through all his declarations of love, you’d never spoken the words. You regretted that now, now that you would not see him, and would never be able to tell him. You looked down to your hands and out to the thunderous horizon.

 “Yes,” you whispered realizing it was now or never. You dared a look at T’Chaka and saw him looking expectantly at you.

 “Yes, I love him.”

 T’Chaka smiled and continued walking, you followed.

 “Why?”

 “Why?” you echoed in confusion.

 “Yes, why do you love him? Is it because he the king, or because he is a handsome man? Why?” T’Chaka demanded.

 “Because he is my sunrise and sunset, because he is full of hope and dreams because he has never believed he was worthy, because he is stronger than he ever know, and wiser too. Because he is kind and gentle and incredibly compassionate, I love him because my heart chose him long before my head did,” you finished. While speaking you felt all the hope and giddiness, but reality crept in to replace it with remorse and regret, the twins of unhappiness.

 “I was too scared to tell him before, too afraid to admit how much I needed him, afraid to tell him the power he held over me, afraid he would break my heart, I was afraid loving him would make me weak,” you further admitted.

 You felt T’Chaka’s hand on your shoulder, and you looked back to him.

 “Loving does not make you weak; it is the opposite. Loving gives you all the power in the world. It enables you to do what others can not–believe. Love is power.”

 You slowly nodded now seeing it clearly.

 “Wakanda owes you a debt,” T’Chaka continued as he turns in another direction continuing to walk, you absentmindedly follow.

 “Wakanda owes me nothing.”

 “Then it is I who owes you this debt,” T’Chaka finished as you stop in front of the enormous tree from before. You didn’t even realize you’ve come face to face with panthers.

 “Oh god,”

 “Calm yourself. Hold your resolve. These are the past kings of Wakanda,” T’Chaka explained.

You slowly looked over all the panthers standing before you. They each looked identical except for slight differences, either it was the prominence of the spots in their coat, of the color of their eyes, or even scars upon their body that shone in different colors. Nonetheless, they were all majestic, commanding respect. You had no idea what to do so you did what you thought and presented the traditional Wakandan salute. The panthers didn’t move; they merely stood there never taking their eyes off of you, it was as if they were sizing you up, trying to see if you were worthy of what you didn’t know.

 “The second part of the miracle has to be granted; you must pass the test.”

 “Test? What test?”

 “Since it is I who owes you this debt, I will help you.”

 In the blink of an eye, you feel the slice of a sharp object along your wrist.

“Ouch!”

 T’Chaka swipes his fingers across the flowing blood and steps in front of you pressing his thumbs over your forehead just above your nose bridge leaving two prints of blood on you.

 “T’Chaka what is this? what are you doing?”

 “The contents of your heart will be judged; the contents of your soul will be put on trial. You must be deemed worthy,” T’Chaka explained.

 “How? Worthy of what?” you questioned.

 “Worthy of your life, worthy of Wakanda, worthy of being queen,” he filled in. you felt fear, and your eyes shifted around trying to keep the panthers in sight.

 “Remain calm, the blood and the mark will help,” he explained before he stepped back to join the panthers before you. In a second, he transformed back to his panther form.

 It was just you now, standing before them, you must have looked like the sacrificial lamb, you sure felt like it. You fought the urge to back up instead of remaining where you stood. The panthers broke the line and began to encircle you.

 “Oh shit, shit, shit, shit!”

 You tried to remain calm as T’Chaka had instructed, but your grip on that calm was quickly slipping. You lifted your foot to take a step back but heard several growls. Instead, you planted your feet back into the dirt and straightened your spin raising your head holding it high. You felt the tongue of one of the panthers across your wrist, and you hissed but did not move. Long moments passed with you in the center of the circle the panthers had created with them sniffing, licking and snarling at you. You felt as if they were trying to scare you, trying to unnerve you. The defiance in you refused to be a punk.

 You raised your hands from your side out to stretch out; the growling became louder, so loud it was all you could hear. You looked up to the sky and saw the thunder and lightning from the horizon had made it’s way to you. The sky looked violent and dangerous, but you remained still. You raised your hands higher to the sky, and that was when a loud crack split through it revealing the brightest strike of lighting you’d ever seen. With the lightning came the monsoon. You angled your head up to the sky allowing the rain to wash over you. The crescendo of growls rose to a loud climax as the light blinded you.

All was still and silent. Slowly you saw something stepping to you through the haze of light. You shielded your face trying to make out what it was. The lights dimmed slightly, and you saw the most beautiful panther you’d ever seen. It was covered in purple and blue tribal markings that looked to be glowing. You stood there mouth wide as the animal gracefully approached you. It was triple the size of the panthers you knew still surrounded you. You looked around you, but they were gone, vanished. It was just you and the intimidating panther. When you looked back it stood in front of you it was easily your height. You were speechless.

You continued to admire its beauty, the beauty all Wakandan books spoke of, the beauty of Bast herself. You looked into its eyes. You stood there transfixed as you felt as if your head was on fire. You felt as if you were being shaken as if a fire trailed a path throughout your body. As it traveled it set your entire being ablaze. The fire went to your heart, and the sheer pain of it made you drop to your knees before the panther. You gripped your chest and panted trying to overcome the pain. The panther’s eyes never left you. You slowly lifted your head to look back into the panther’s eyes. The panther tilted it’s head to the side but intensified its stare. You screamed out loudly, your scream echoed. In the seconds you saw your entire life flash through your head, every single thing you’d ever been through, preschool, your high school fights, college boyfriends, the one time you stole something and felt so bad you returned it and gave the cashier the money for it and then some without taking the item.

 You saw all the decisions you’d ever made, the times you had opportunities to be underhanded but choose to rise above. You saw every path you took to Wakanda, and every decision you’d made since. The pain intensified and you screamed again. The images slowed whenever it came to T’Challa, only to speed up again. When the images came to Tandra, it froze on her dead body. The pain radiated through you; it was so intense you were sure you were going to pass out. You screamed again but did not look away. You fixed your face in a way trying to absorb the pain and push through it. You slowly rose to your feet as the images shifted to Nakia’s dead body. You screamed again but did not look away, did not falter, you refused.

 Tandra was not your fault, but Nakia was. You chose to kill Nakia, although her death was the only way to end it. You regretted what happened to Tandra even through what she put you through, but Nakia you didn’t regret, you only regret that it had to happen that you could not find another way. You wished it could be different, wished there was a different outcome, but you’d accepted it.

 “I-am-worthy!” you loudly shouted. Once you said the words, you regretted it because it was then the pain rose to a level you could not take, so you did the only feasible thing. You touched the panther. Once you did your hand illuminated a plethora of colors. Your skin transitioned between blues, greens, purples, oranges, and reds, the surge of the electrical current coursing through you only made you scream louder.

 “I am worthy!” you shouted again.

 As quickly as the pain began it ended and with it the bright light. You dropped to your knees panting for breath trying to recover. You looked around you; the panthers stood back watching you, you watched as each of them rose one paw into the air. It was as if they were saluting you. You looked around the circle until your eyes rested on T’Chaka before you. He smiled.

 “I’d always known you were worthy. Always known that Bast herself brought you to Wakanda not just for T’challa but for Wakanda. You are the future,” T’Chaka voiced.

 “What?” you asked in full confusion.

 He pointed to the ground. You saw a small pool of water before you. You rose up to peer into the water and immediately drew back to look back at T’Chaka who merely smiled. You looked back into the water at your reflection. Only it was not you as you’d been before instead you were a panther, not just a regular panther, but a panther with swirls and patches along you all in different colors. You sat there completely in disbelief.

 “Impossible.”

 You heard T’Chaka laugh.

 “Impossibility is simply possible in Wakanda; you are not nearly small minded enough to believe in impossibility.”

 You sat there staring at your face, complete marveling at how you were now a panther.

“How did this happen? What does this mean?” you listed off.

 “You’ve passed the test, Bast has deemed your worthy, the old kings have deemed you worthy. Bast herself has blessed you, given you a gift even, a gift never before given to any other than the king. Bast has given you the gift of the panther,” T’Chaka informed.

 You marveled at his words, marveled at everything that had happened. Never in your wildest dreams did you ever think this was possible, not just possible but that you would ever be in this position. You still didn’t understand how, or why.

 “It’s best not to try to understand why or how. Bast does what she pleases when and how she pleases. It is not for us mere humans to understand. All we can do is live up to whatever expectations the gift decrees and you Y/N have been truly gifted; I am sure you will do amazing things for Wakanda and T’Challa. He is lucky to have you, as I’ve been lucky to know you,” T’Chaka informed. As soon as the words were spoken, he bows his head down to you.

 At the moment you watch on in the water as the panther disappears. You’re left staring at your true reflection. He holds out his hands for you, you take them, and he helps you to your feet.

 “It is time for you to go.”

 “Go where?”

 “Where you belong Y/N,” T’Chaka finishes.

 Before you could say another word, T’Chaka puts his hand to your forehead and once again the darkness engulfs you, this time you can smell the dirt around you. This time everything was different you knew what to do, you knew how to get out. It was easier. You clawed above your head, clawed through the darkness until you leaped up gasping for air.

 To Be Continued…

Rights to panther image # 2: Artist is Mariah Tato

Rights to panther image #1: Unknown, found on Pinterest DOES NOT BELONG TO ME

Glossery of Terms (As According to Google)

 -Uxholo: I’m Sorry

-Umama: mother

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[bleenks]

RANT ABOUT AN INTERNET COMMUNITY BEING WEIRD AF aka how I speedran a toxic community

Just had an incredibly surreal experience on the internet when I stayed after a stream and started chatting with people in the streamer’s offline chat. Some of them were reacting to a movie that seemed particularly gruesome called Ms 45, so I started watching too. I looked up the movie, saw this:

and made a joke about how one of the actors was credited as “1st r*pist” so WATCH OUT THERE’S PROBABLY MORE THAN ONE R*PIST.

It’s a good thing they were only like ten minutes in because it turned out I had spoiled the movie for everyone and it was now being shut off, gg, movie’s over. Before I even understood what was happening the chat had filled up with people berating me for deliberately sabotaging their movie night (along with a couple people saying NOOOO SHE ALREADY GOT R*PED TWICE IT’S NOT EVEN A SPOILER). I apologized and said “Ban me, I deserve it” but that apparently was NOT their policy -- their policy was just to turn the movie off but not punish the person who actually spoiled it? 

I said I was new to chat and had no idea I had the power to turn off their movie, but the chat had turned into a steady stream of everyone being as sarcastic and cutting as possible about how terrible I was, how I’d definitely done that on purpose as revenge or for attention, how I was socially clueless and how I sounded like a debatelord. So I got belligerent and irritated until a mod banned me for 24 hours (but not before one of the chat members said something like, “You’re still loved here, you just need to let it go,” which was honestly one of the worst things I’d ever heard, please don’t talk to me about love while your buddies are murdering me lol??). 

I dissociated pretty fuckin’ hard the second I realized I’d pissed off the entire chat at once, because it just didn’t feel real at all. To make matters worse, the same person hosting the movie stream had been in chat before I somehow ruined everything, @’ing me repeatedly and trying to bait me, so yeah literally nothing about it made sense. 

ANYWAYS!!! IT WAS SUPER WEIRD!!! Im still fucked up about it!!! I keep thinking “Wow, those people were crazy,” but only for a second before I start thinking “That’s not a rational explanation, I must’ve done something terrible,” and then getting confused again.

So yeah idk. Sorry to those people for ruining their movie?? I also didn’t mean to and it definitely wasn’t justification to shit talk me all at the same time lol. I’m glad I didn’t spend more than like, ten minutes getting to know people there because wow that place was crazy.

[rockmywings]

Korean Crime TV Series Review#2: VOICE (보이스)

THE MAIN CHARACTERS TRIO:

Lead Male (Moo Jinhyuk “Mad Dog”): A veteran detective from Serious Crime Unit, being demoted as a leader of Golden Time Team under Emergency Call Department. 

Lead Female (Kang Kwonjoo “Kang Center”): A profiler who has super hearing ability, The chief of Emergency Call Department.

second lead male Main Antagonist (Mo Taegu “Mr. Mo”): CEO of Sungwun Express, an upper-classman. Psychopath.

PLOT:

Main: To catch the criminal who has murdered both Mad Dog’s wife and Kang Center’s dad and who also committed several crimes. 

Sub: To save a life who is in crucial danger from their emergency call.

OFFICIAL ENGLISH TRAILER:

REVIEW BY GENRES:

1) Various Crimes: There are Serial Killer, Kidnapping/Abduction, Child Abuse, Gangster, Illegal Immigrant, Stalker, Human Organ Trafficking, Corrupted Company, Corrupted Police--so complete. The series touches from individual crime to organizational crime, from marginal society to upper-class community. And the gruesome of crime scene places us in reality how horror the real crime is, why they are deserved to be censored in blur like News do on TV Channel (although it’s bothersome to me who use to see gore scenes in The Walking Dead and violence in any US Crime TV Series). I like how Golden Team looks so smart along with Kang Center herself as the profiler and with a hacking skilled officer to get any information. Though, there’s one staff whose multi-language ability is seriously wasted because what she did most times are similar to the hacker, as she also seeks information through internet. However, because our protagonists come from Emergency Call Center, we see how Serious Crime Unit are always outsmarted, making us wonder if they’re a bit competent in investigating while this one should be their expertise. For example, there’s no forensic or CCTV investigation ever shown here but somehow it makes sense because all of the victims who died here are under the main antagonist’s control who could ask to be covered while Golden Team successfully rescues all victims who made the emergency call.

2) Horror Elements: A part of the success of any popular scary movie is the perfect killer. There’s no other character more interesting in the show rather than the killer himself and I can guarantee Mo Taegu would steal your attention in every of his appearance. Let me explain it: A man wearing a black raincoat with face covered behind hoodie but his devilish grin is walking closer in calm steps, a sinister voice with a gravel-like quality of his jaw cracks then strikes the fear of a tormented fresh-faced woman before brutally murdering her--that’s your first impression of him. But, it wasn’t just a typical random unfortunate person whom a serial killer encounter in the dark street with certain modus operandi, nope!! More the killer is introduced, you realize he’s a type who could appear right in front of your door or behind the window creepily, making a hiss like a dinosaur to enter your room whether he decides to kill or just intentionally scare you--we’d find he did it at least 4-5 times in the series!!! (and my fave is when Kwonjoo met his eyes behind the lookout lens of her door) And behind the mask, there’s a rich, smart, and classy-typed businessman wearing an elegant suit with charming face who enchants everyone--so charismatic. Well, there is one episode that doesn’t really makes sense when he’s brutally murdering Madam Fantasia off-screen. The body is nowhere to be found in the building while he clearly didn’t have enough time to hid it in his car unnoticeable, laundry his suit (I mean, look at how much the blood he spread on floor and wall while he killed her not under his raincoat), peeking on Kang Center who has arrived 10 minutes after the phone call only to see her reaction finding his crime scene, then come back to meeting room he left before. But fuck off the logic, once again, this is horror show; let’s enjoy every killing scene of every bone he’s crushing using his kettlebell, or grotesque art of blood he painted on the wall citing Bible quote, or when he keeps the body wrapped in his house then doing bloodbath like Elizabeth Bathory, it’s all horrifyingly entertaining. Don’t forget that his victims also made a bad move tropes to meet him and give us a death flag. As if it wasn’t enough, Taegu also has some hallucination things, how creepy it is when he stared at the policeman in the car like a supernatural horror and when he’s being murdered on his mind like a zombie scene. Although those all aren’t enough to scare me, I’m sure there are some audiences who maintain to keep watching this show with eyes peeking behind their fingers but you can’t leave it yet to see who he’d murder next and who’d be survived. You’d be surprised when it reveals he commits more crimes through his company and more number of murders he had done for years with many different sizes of his weapon that will freak you out!! And with high status to work with gangster and a certain police to cover it all whom he could just eliminate as his next murdering target if he wanted, I’ll say “Welcome to Sungwun City, Mo Taegu’s World.” He is too complete to be a psychopath, an extremely powerful evil case with intellect brain to know what he does. He could be starring his own horror movie if Voice ever made a prequel. Maybe the only thing he hadn’t done yet (or ever shown) is cooking and eating the victims' meat LOL. But seriously, as the citing bible, doing bloodbath, and keeping body or organs, comes from nowhere (that is kinda different persona from the mysterious killer in eps 1-3); the writer even can add if he was ever cannibal too.

3) The high suspense in every episode: While the main villain is horror enough, the co-villains in some emergency cases also could raise the suspension that makes you hold your chair and grit your teeth. This was the most exciting thing because you could see desperate emotions of the victims transported through the call and how The Golden Team is rescuing them, battle in countdown timer minutes by minutes, second by second. Even after the first two cases that you become to feel every rescue is predictably success, you won’t lose the suspense. Voice is directed in plot-driven like a formula one’s car and once you’re seated there, you can’t stop ‘til finish line. My fave case is the child abuse, we feel so pity and hopeless because the one who makes a call is a little boy hiding in washing machine and bleeding. The least suspense is the rescue of bus passengers as the last rescue case in eps 15, probably I’ve been pretty surfeited of the repetitive rescue (but the case is important to show how crazy Mr. Mo runs his business).

4) Full Packed Action: Well, a premise of a lead male seeks revenge for the murder of the person he loves is cliche and standard in action movies; this how Mad Dog vs Mr. Mo’s confrontation has been lead since the series prolog, we know their final battle should happen. Jinhyuk himself wouldn’t be called “Mad Dog” without reason if this genre were absent. Look how his action is performed throughout the series, especially when he beat up all the gangsters in the meat house—so intense and brutal!! Don’t ever ask his nonstop energy, this is how action genre treats the main hero. Then, I expect a same intense hand in hand combat scene as to how action movie’s climax battle should be handled, main hero and main villain are equal although it’s predictable who’d be the winner in the end. Both Mad Dog and Mr. Mo are canonly brutal, you can see the same of them staring terrifyingly and intimidating when they talked to Nam Sang Tae in different scenes; you see how strong they are. Instead, we just get a short gunfighting?! I don’t complaint the gunfighting, but I mean, can they also make a duel with Jet Kun Do vs Tae Kwon Do as the two actors have the martial art skill for real? The director could make they ran out of bullet, then fight brutally, then the cops stop them to arrest him. It’s a wasted potential because the director even had given Mad Dog’s fight against a South East Asian assassin for two episodes! However, Taegu’s ending in the rooftop scene is still satisfying. Maybe the concept of Mad Dog vs Mr. Mo kinda like Batman and Joker. Despite being evil, of course Joker is powerless compared to Batman’s strength if he ever challenged him in combat. The purpose isn’t about which one is stronger. Same as Joker provokes Batman, Taegu also enjoys provoking Jinhyuk to kill himself even by telling him how he killed his wife, to prove he’s just another monster like him. And although we see how Jinhyuk doesn't hesitate to shoot Taegu four times in the rooftop brutally, he didn’t kill him at the end as he pities his enemy. But audiences would know later how it punishes Taegu in a very cruel way unexpectedly compared to what if he just died in Jinhyuk’s hand as he wishes. And of course, he deserves it.

5) The Drama is about The Victims: As well as how the credit title is presented, it tells us that this show is about the victim’s voice in asking help that used to be abandoned by slow police procedural--including our hero and heroine’s beloved one. But not only that, the profiler’s approach to seeking the Criminal’s motive then trying to calm them, making them tremble, and feeling sympathy really reminds me of Criminal Minds; criminals can be born because they were a victim too in the past--trust me, even you’d pity Taegu in the end!

6) Almost Zero Romance: 

Tbh, I don’t like the cliche that the lead male and lead female eventually hook up in the end (although I’m okay with the possible idea) so I’m glad it doesn’t happen with Voice. Even though they start to work together as a team professionally, they didn’t have to fall into an affair like duo Mulder and Scully of The X-Files. Their relationship is amazingly platonic ‘til the end as you watch them developing trust, teamwork, bond, and care to each other. 

If there’s any romance ever sparking, two Kwonjoo’s staffs in Emergency Call may be hinted. The woman is cool at first while the guy is cheerful and kind of a flirt. An obsessive fan of him is even jealous of her. But as I said, it was just hinted. Their occasional heartwarming interaction may be made for taking a break in all suspense and violent cases. It wasn’t out of place since it’s just a little and eps 9 could give you space to breathe. 

Well, this one depends on interpretation, but Taegu seems to have special attraction/interest of Kwonjoo sexually (of course, in a sick mind only psychopath could describe), for example when he stalked her, caressed her bed, stared at her picture, gave her a gift, happy when she found him, claimed that both of them are different from common herd, and show a disappointment that she doesn’t like it. On her profiling, Kwonjoo said why he’s “soft” at her probably because she reminds him of his mother, the only person he genuinely loves. Their chemistry is something the audiences not expecting before, especially in the rooftop scene as their climax. But I'm sure no one complaints [laughs].

Nah, the only true romance no one can’t debate is Jinhyuk’s love for his deceased wife; how he’s broken, how’s he seeks revenge, and then how he finally let it go.

OTHER POSSIBLE FLAWS:

Voice is an easy story and predictable with those action, suspense, and horror elements (although there’s still a twist); the ending is also clear, not open. The main mystery isn’t something that makes you heavily think to guess who is the culprit or suspect someone. Well, it’s enough to thrill for half series because once Taegu’s character is introduced at eps 8, the focus itself actually isn’t about a conspiracy behind the police/prosecutor institution like TvN Signal or TvN Stranger since the mastermind is the person outside it. Some audience may be fooled or even disappointed about it but I’m not (once again, I said Taegu’s character as psychopath fits more in horror tropes). The procedural pace, the variety of crimes, and the plot-driven won’t make you bored that you probably forget to ask for character development and question the logic; though, sometimes the running clock is too long to make us question if the run really happened just in 5 minutes. 

The lead female’s super hearing ability is the reason why all the emergency rescues success where the title “Voice” comes from, it’s full an entertaining fiction, we know real life isn’t like that. Still, it isn’t without flaw; for example, she could amazingly hear the boy’s slow tap behind the wall through communication but she failed to hear the hitting sound Taegu made when he’s smashing Daeshik’s head in the basement right when she’s entering his house. And her ability might be useless if the criminals were smart enough to make sure there's no cellphone being kept in their victim's pocket to be able to make contacts.  

OVERALL THOUGHTS:

Voice is definitely my fave Korean TV Series so far. It isn’t perfect but somehow I don’t feel this is a Kdrama at all. Look at those three main characters: 

The nuance I feel around the lead female’s department and how she handles the cases is almost like when I watch US TV Series of Police Procedural Dramas (many felt like Criminal Minds mixed with 9-1-1), 

the lead male’s fighting scene is like The Raid, Bourne, or John Wick (also the Surim-dong case reminds me of NCIS: New Orleans’s case “Clearwater”),

the main killer’s approach is like Wes Craven’s SCREAM and his personality is like American Psycho’s Patrick Bateman. 

With these references, I don’t recommend this series to those who can’t stand to watch gruesome violence. The age rating in Korea's Standard is 19+ and if it was measured to my country's rating standard (Indonesia), it'd be 21+.

I haven’t mentioned yet that the actors and the actresses, both leads and supporting, are amazing. I don’t watch much Korean entertainment (movie and show) so this is the first time I’m introduced to them all, and suddenly both Jinhyuk’s actor (Jang Hyuk) and Taegu’s actor (Kim Jae Wook) are added to my fave list for me interested to watch their other projects. I also like the veteran actress who plays a granny in Surim-dong incident; she could act as three different characters!

I’m looking forward to Season 2 aired on 11th August 2018. Now, without Jinhyuk and Taegu’s characters anymore as their confrontation story is over; I wonder if this time The Golden Team somehow ever fails to save a life like TvN Signal and have kind of a sociopath as main villain like OCN Tunnel. Who knows? I still can’t imagine someone more psycho and charismatic than Taegu yet haha. And with a different director, it’s probably not horror as season 1 anymore, but more thriller. But most importantly, I want to see and know more about the heroine, Kang Center, she’s at least need character development since she was the core of “voice”.

[goodguyjean]

Hey there! I'm same the same anon who talked about Jean's possible demise. Since I really enjoy your metas, I wanted to get your thoughts [on something]. (Out of the main cast) Who do you believe will survive the story? And who won't? Now... I realize this is like playing blackjack without knowing the rules of 80% card games (weird analogy lol), so like... You can kinda guess what to do do next based on your previous experience with cards, but you're still just guessing basically. Anyway, cont.

Hi anon, no worries about it being your meta, it’s very interesting and I believe very soundly reasoned! I’m not particularly good at predicting what will happen in the narrative, but I’m certain that there is more death to come and I believe you are right that Mikasa surviving makes the most amount of sense and has a lot of potential for tragic irony (she would literally die to protect her remain family, yet they have an unavoidable curse upon them both which shortens their life span exponentially). I also agree with you that the curse of Ymir makes things look pretty grim for both Armin and Eren, as well as Annie, Reiner, and Zeke. Barring some major plot contrivance, it looks like they’re all slated to die relatively soon, which also probably ups their chances of dying earlier in the narrative, if we’re coming at the question from a meta stand point. However, if anyone manages (by some miracle) to survive the curse of Ymir I believe it will be Armin. Although his character is more complex than this, he does often symbolize or embody hope for the future of humanity. Of course, we could use reverse logic and suggest that his symbolic value is a death sentence in this merciless manga: if Isayama wants to send a particular kind of message about the bitter nature of the future, killing Armin off seems like an obvious choice. 

I almost certain Reiner and Zeke will die:  they have the shortest time left and they both have had near misses already, so the death flags are everywhere. Narrative-wise, killing off some of the “antagonists” (I’m really not sure how to categorize people in this manga anymore; for the moment I’m going to privilege the Paradisan worldview) would be a kind of pay-off, although I doubt either of their deaths will be straightforward. Likewise, I suspect Eren is likely to die, despite his status as the main character. Based on his most recent appearances in the manga, I’d say he’s heading for some kind of tragic fate, but Isayama has thrown me enough curveballs recently (I see your card game metaphor and I raise you one baseball metaphor!) that I’m not sure exactly what that fate will be. 

As for Annie … I think it tie everything up neatly if all of the shifters somehow died, but Isayama may not like a neat ending. At the very least Annie has unfinished business as regards her father, so I doubt she’s going to die quietly offstage (rip Ymir …). Whether or not she dies eventually … I think it’s likely, but I think she has a higher chance of ultimate survival than Zeke, Reiner, and Eren, if that makes sense? 

Levi seems like he could definitely die, but probably not before fulfilling his promise to Erwin/Zeke. I think it would be hopeful for Levi, who has been shaped by war and violence his whole life, who has become the ultimate super soldier in spite of what appears to be a great capacity for empathy, to survive the series and try to have a more “normal” life. To grow into something else. But there is, of course, the heroic soldier death trope to contend with, so put me down for 50-50 on Levi.

I want Hange to survive for similar reasons. They’ve proven themselves to be a fighter as well; they always get gravely injured in conflicts but somehow manage to pull through. I can’t see a lot of narrative value in killing Hange outside of generating pathos, so I’m leaning towards their survival, but you never know with Isayama. Maybe their luck is out! :(

Speaking of pathos, let’s bring in the pathos squad: Connie, Sasha, and Jean! Sasha almost died for shock value before (saved by an editor!), so it’s possible that Isayama just postponed her demise. Connie has unfinished business with Zeke and Reiner, so maybe he’ll make it. I also think Jean has a pretty good shot, but I think they could all easily fall under the axe for “gruesome, horrifying demise to make the fans cry” so … there’s that :( I can’t think of any other function their deaths might serve, except more tragic irony. But we’ll see. 

In all honesty, I’m betting Falco and Gabi have the best chances of survival, aside from Mikasa. They’re the next generation, a batch of young hopefuls. If they don’t make it, I think the series will end on an extremely pessimistic note about the nature of humanity. Any “victory” might feel empty. But I trust Isayama, so let’s see where he takes us!

Much love back atcha, anon! Thanks for the note!

[hokkaidodo-blog]

there’s snow business like hoe business

In my life so far, there have been many things that I have started to do. Many things that have interested me greatly and captured my intrigue and thus,  I have made it my mission to accomplish said things. This process usually includes equal parts of both impulse buying tat from the Internet that I am convinced will be beneficial to me in some way for my new hobby and also developing slightly obsessive behaviours with regards to the aforementioned new hobby and putting every second of my spare time into it. This undoubtedly all occurs before the dawning realisations that I was, in fact, unfortunately born with the attention span of a goldfish and that either 1) I’m bored shitless of my new hobby and can’t believe I was ever interested in it in the first place,  or 2) I have a huge tantrum because I’ve started something new and difficult for 10 minutes a week but somehow I’m not automatically a pro at it immediately. The third step is the abandonment of my new hobby never to be seen, mentioned or eluded to in any way, shape or form for the rest of my fickle existence. My current list of personal pathetic pursuits includes – but is by no means limited to – the following things:

Learning German. Ask me what I ate for breakfast and as long as it’s cereal or an apple, I can tell you in German.

Dance aerobics classes. Lol.

Intricate adult colouring books. My eyes go fuzzy after colouring one leaf and my friends think I’m mad when I turn around and “hey guys, look at this cool art-nouveau squirrel I just spent three hours colouring in 47 shades of brown.”

Going to the gym. Cried for two weeks solid when I pulled a toe muscle and then was appalled and disgusted when I didn’t wake up the next day after one mild workout with a toned tummy and arms like Popeye.

Eating healthier. People who say they prefer a green smoothie over a share-bag of pretzels and a pot of cheese and chive dip are fake. Steer clear and do not trust.

THIS BLOG. Somehow, it’s been two months since I last posted my last post which ALSO started out similarly by saying something along the lines of “omg lol how has is been so long since I’ve written?!” lol.

Anyway, this time I present to you another smattering of pictures and verbal diarrhoea (is this still verbal?) digital diarrhoea and stories and stuff and a bunch of I-don’t-even-know-what from the past two months.

To start with, the season here turned faster than my stomach when sometimes I would get home from a terribly draining and emotionally tiring day at school of playing with poster paint and lentils in GSCE Art BTEC and ask Mum what we’re having for dinner, to which she’d reply with the dreaded: “mackerel salad”.  One day I was still in my T-shirt and jumper, walking to campus wading through piles of golden foliage and then suddenly two days later and I’m skating to school on sheet ice covered in bruises from spectacular tumbles and a good three feet of snow on either side of me. A lot of my friends in sunny Spain or France or even Tokyo say to me (whilst surprising smug giggles) “how’s Sapporo, Ross? Enjoying the snow?” to which I adamantly reply, “It’s not that cold!” and then rummage for a third pair of socks and my thermal undies. It’s beautiful though and I don’t regret a thing!

Snow business like hoe business, amirite

As for Christmas, – and no I am not a Scrooge – I am not feeling at all Christmassy this year. People still work and have classes on the 25th - which is gross for me - but there are still decorations and huge light displays up until midnight on Christmas Day, when as soon as it is over every trace of the festive season is torn down and everybody gets ready to welcome in the New Year.

“can you take a picture of us, we’re a couple”

This being said, I will definitely miss getting plastered with my Grandma on Christmas eve by glugging a bottle Amaretto and then waiting for her to request that the entire family sings “O Come Let Us Adore Him” in five part harmony whilst accompanied by Grandpa on the stylophone; sitting around in my pajamas on Christmas morning, laughing for thirty minutes because the puppy gets present opening priority and then Mum gets the black bin-sack out because he’s covered the living room in wrapping paper confetti and glitter; and then also eating Iceland out of their entire supply of frozen duck spring rolls, mini pizzas and garlic mushroom bites on Boxing Day, before complaining about how full you are yet still continuing to inhale a quarter pound of the leftover turkey, half a block of cranberry Wensleydale (with pickles), some coleslaw, a pile of bubble and squeak and some Mingles whilst the same annual festive episode of Top of the Pops lulls you gently to sleep with Fairytale of New York and Slade.

OTARU

I didn’t realise how much I missed the ocean until I hadn’t seen it for a couple of months and the sea was longer than a 15 minute drive from my house. Luckily, the seaside town of Otaru is just a train ride away from Sapporo and it felt so good for my soul to be back by the water. (Hippie child alert.)

Otaru is a picturesque little town famous for glassblowing and its beautiful canal which is lit up with candles every year for it’s winter festival. Ironically (yet gruesomely hilarious to me), after visiting the aquarium which is apparently super famous, and admiring all of the fab fishies and strange creatures, we went to a seafood restaurant and had some of the best sushi and sashimi that I have eaten so far. In other news: the demolition of a seven-tier soft-serve ice cream that left me questioning my lactose tolerance; the discovery of yet more face-cut out standees that left us all with a questioning outlook on Japan; and a two-storey shop stocked full of music box pieces. Who knew the demand for that was so high?

“Hey guys, can one of you Google whether or not you can die from eating too much ice cream because I don’t feel all that hunky dory right now”

A bear in his pants holding tissues! Japan!

Yes! It’s meant to be a penis! Awesome!

Why is it that when it comes to telling people about what you’ve been up to that your brain just turns to porridge and you can’t help but reply with the bog-standard “Oh the usual; you know, not much”.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

So, three months in (eek) and what are my thoughts on Japan? Well…

1)      Japanese people (in general) seem to be very organised and structured. Take for example, the rush hour on the underground. In London it wouldn’t be unusual to have an unwashed armpit of a local hipster thrust under your nose on your morning commute whilst a lady next to you gossips loudly on the phone to her girls about the chlamydia disaster that happened with Tony last night. This may or may not be accompanied by the gentle pitter-patter sound of some 90s trance music seeping out from underneath some headphones somewhere; twelve people standing on your foot; a distinctive scent wafting from the gentleman opposite you who forgot to eat breakfast so decided to delight everyone with his loud munching of a Lamb & Mint from The Traditional Cornish Pasty Company; and occasionally the fleeting anxiety that comes with frantically patting yourself down and hoping that you haven’t dropped your wallet.

The Japanese subways are deathly quiet, however. Sometimes it’s peaceful in the morning, and sometimes it’s unnerving. You’re awkwardly scared to breathe in case it tickles someone’s neck and you’re all in a line facing the same way and you daren’t get in the way of the station attendant with the big wooden shield who squeezes you in so the doors can close. There’s no crazy rush or crowd on platforms, just two neat lines and an unsettling calmness for someone who is used to (and who quite enjoys) mild chaos and hecticness.  

 2)      Went to the Asahi Beer factory; the most lit class field trip ever. With free beer. 10/10 would recommend.

3)      Japanese staff in restaurants, ticket offices, libraries etc absolutely will NOT speak Japanese with a non-Japanese person. It’s incredibly frustrating. As someone who’s main focus here is to improve my language skills, it is tough to do so when you struggle to get natives to treat you like anybody else. Whether some Japanese people just assume that there is categorically no way that a non-Asian person could become conversational in Japanese, I have no idea. For example, you will order in a restaurant in near-perfect Japanese to which you are just started at blankly. The waitress turns to my Japanese friend who repeats word-for-word and accent-for-accent exactly what I just said, and everything is fine. This usually continues for a few minutes and each time leaves me questioning my intelligence, my language competency and my foreigner-ness, and also just what do I need to do to try and win over the Japanese? (Video link)

I think that’s it for now. I’m sure I had more thoughts so I’ll try and write them here more often when I remember them (part 2 of me saying that). Nothing much is happening in the next few weeks, it’s that kind of winter jaded-ness that happens every year. BUT – everything is beautiful, I’m still smiling and I’m still in Japan and very lucky to be alive. I’m looking forward to January where things will kick-start again, and I can start travelling and exploring some more. Just got to finish 2017 with as much love as possible and give it a good end.

BONUS PICS: Some pretty skies at the Hokkaido Historical Village and me riding a humpback whale at the museum. You’re welcome.

Every single typewriter stamp from an old Japanese printer press.

I'm putting on my shades to cover up my eyes, I'm jumping in my ride, I'm heading out tonight ;)

[kingbrunnhilde]

A Massive Spones Rec List

The Spones fandom is made up of some of the most talented people but is tiny and in need of more content. Due to this fact, there are significantly less Spones fics so I searched extra hard to compile a good, lengthy list of fics.. and somehow managed to find way more fics than I did for my Mckirk one?? Why am I such trash, help I need a life.

(Listed alphabetically: ** = favourite)

Addressed to the Damn Doctor by ElloPoppet | 2.5k, T

Spock writes McCoy a letter of confession, despite not quite knowing how to write a love letter. (A super sweet insight into Spock’s mind, especially on his thoughts on the Enterprise’s resident doctor.)

Best Medicine for the Worst Patient by gammadolphin | 8.5k, T

It’s a special kind of hell, becoming obsessed with the laughter of a man who barely even smiles unless he’s high or dying of blood loss. Leonard doesn’t handle it particularly well. (A hilariously frustrating fic in which Bones becomes a little too obsessed with trying to hear Spock laugh just once more.)

Blues March by IntuitivelyFortuitous | 7k, T

Leonard McCoy sees his friends bleed. He loves the blood when it is inside them, flushing their cheeks and warming their skin. When it colors his hands on the operating table, he can think of little but the time he has with them, and a minute is too long to waste. He’s not going to let Spock get away that easily. (Gruesome and sad yet somehow really sweet.)

The Body by therev | 13k, T

McCoy’s consciousness is transferred into an android body after a fatal accident. Spock helps him remember the man he used to be. (Wow a really creative and fascinating fic that could have gone totally wrong if it hadn’t been written by such a talented author.)

Body Temperature by MaidenofIron157 | 4.5k, G

Average Vulcan body temperature is approximately 8.6 degrees lower than humans’. It is only logical that Spock would eventually become cold within his lover’s quarters. The doctor comes up with a solution. (The blanket cocoon, the clothes sharing, Spock being in love with Leonard’s scent.. asdfghjkl too adorable to handle.)

Compassion Is a Virtue (But I Don’t Have the Time) by therev | 5k, E

McCoy and Spock switch bodies. Things get out of hand. (I love the way the author addresses the difference between human and Vulcan physiology. And you know, there’s also some sexy times too if you’re into that sort of thing.)

Do Vulcans Dream of Electric Doctors? by Neigedens | 4k, T

“It’s probably not even your fault, Spock,” he muttered. “I was probably destined to go mad in space some day anyway. You probably just made the process a lot more efficient. How typical.” Dr. McCoy has got Vulcan on the brain. Set during “The Search for Spock.” (The usual Spones banter but whilst sharing the same brain. Bonus: dream sharing.)

The Edge of Never by therev | 17k, T

Alternate ending to “City On The Edge of Forever”. Edith Keeler didn’t die. Jim couldn’t let her. The triumvirate are trapped in the past with an altered future. Jim must correct his mistake while Spock and Bones get domestic. Set in 1930s New York and rural Georgia. Mostly pining of the space doctor variety. (I didn’t know I needed domestic 30s Spones until I read this omg. And don’t let the 'slow build’ turn you off because it’s so worth it.)

Everything About You by sleepymccoy | 2.5k, G

A minor transporter accident has Bones and Scotty squabbling about safety while Spock watches. Spock gets lost in his own thoughts, thinking about his relationship with Bones. (‘Vulcans don’t get distracted,’ you say? Well you’re wrong because they can and the results can be incredibly adorable.)

Familiar by starstrung | 3.5k, T

The Romulans really need to stop shooting at their artificial gravity systems. (Almost like four ficlets in one if you will. All super heartwarming and nicely come together at the end. So well written!)

** Feigned Intimacy by IntuitivelyFortuitous | 4k, T

Jim was playing matchmaker again and McCoy was not happy about it. The fact that he had to spend the rest of the evening clinging to Spock like a damsel in distress was bad enough, but teaching him how to act like they were together? It’d be easier to cure Denobulan malaria. (Fake dating fics are hard to get right but this one is by far the best I’ve ever read. It’s so soft and sweet and fits TOS really well.)

Five Times Spock Was Interrupted While Trying to Confess His Love for McCoy and One Time He Wasn’t by therev | 3.5k, T

To be fair, he could have tried a lot harder, or spoken a bit faster. (One of the greatest 5+1 fics. And bonus points for that summary lol.)

Fragment by babel | 2.5k, T

McCoy deals with the aftermath of his mind meld with Spock in the mirror universe. (Post TOS ep “Mirror, Mirror”. Haunting but beautifully so.)

Insight by JiM | 4k, T

McCoy is the one who’s blind, but Spock has been slow to see. (Just. Excellent.)

** In Sickness… by mymetalphantom | 6k, G

Spock gets ill and not only does he have to deal with the illness, he also has to contend with his troublesome Human side. (Omg soft & sick Spock with a concerned Bones is just too cute I can’t deal. Also, the writing is incredible.)

In Vino Veritas by black_tea | 3k T

Bones over indulges at Jim’s party and ends up losing his impulse control thus forcing him to face the truth of the situation between himself and his Vulcan shipmate. (Post-Beyond fics are the absolute best and this one hits all the right spots. AND there’s an great sequel in which Spones goes swimming. Niceee.)

Last to Know by Dizzydodo | 19k, T

When Leonard is fatally injured, Spock attempts to save him with a bond. Unfortunately, Leonard mistakes this for an act of duty, and all Spock’s hints to the contrary go unnoticed. (The way the author wrote the bond as well as these two’s relationship was excellent.)

Long Last Night by Vera_DragonMuse | 23k, M

The sense of a long last night over civilization is back again. -Norman Mailer Two years after a terrible virus wipes out most of the world’s population, McCoy tries to keep mind and body together. Modern Post-Apocalypse AU. (I’m not a huge fan of post-apocalyptic stories but ohh boy I was completely sold on this one. Extremely well written and great characterization. Highly recommended!)

Nothing But Halves by therev | 11k, T

McCoy wishes he could talk to Spock’s human half. After a transporter malfunction, he can. (One Spock, two Spock.. Great fic that delves into Bones discovering Spock’s struggles with his human and Vulcan halves and how they’re not as different as they may seem.)

One Little Mistletoe Kiss by tprillahfiction | 1.5k, T

Spock and McCoy eat Christmas cookies and kiss under the mistletoe, Spock/McCoy style which means bickering and McCoy complaining and swearing. (SO HEARTWARMING. TOO MUCH FLUFF LET ME LIVE.)

Our Doubts Make Us Traitors by LogicalBookThief | 5k, T

Dealing with what did and didn’t occur on Altamid leaves McCoy incapable of sleeping. Paying his most recent patient a visit seems to be the only cure. (What can I say? I just really love post-Beyond fics.)

Perfectly Logical by Zauzat | 4k, T

Kirk has had enough of Spock and McCoy’s public squabbles. He orders them to sort it out. He just doesn’t anticipate the solution they come up with. (Love the way the author handled both mind melds and the boys’ relationship. A+)

The Placebo Effect by IntuitivelyFortuitous | 3k, T

Alright, maybe he should listen to Spock more often. Maybe he should not drink everything that gets put in front of him. In his defense, it was purple and sparkly no human with a decent sense of curiosity could resist at least a sip. He didn’t expect it to give him a sixth sense, though. (A really original and creative fic that’s also hilariously well written. Loved it.)

** Satisfactory by Damalur | 5.5k, G

Advancing in a relationship with Leonard McCoy only seems logical, particularly after Spock hears that the good doctor carried his katra in another life. (My first and possibly favourite Spones fic. Well characterized, hilarious, and sweet.)

something borrowed, something new by kojafras | 1k, NR (I’d say G)

Spock gives Leonard a tracking device. Leonard is less than thrilled. (A hilariously adorable post-Beyond fic that captures their relationship perfectly.)

Somewhere Only We Know by sullacat | 14k, M

Spock and McCoy find themselves thrust into a new world and a new life. Can they work together to find their way home - or is being lost the best thing that ever happened to them? Reboot of Star Trek: The Next Generation episode 'The Inner Light’. (Wow such an amazing AU. I love how both Spock and Bones are written and how they slowly fall in love. Gahhh my heart.)

Surgeon’s Mate by belmanoir | 4.5k, T

Spock likes McCoy. McCoy won’t take a hint. (The ultimate TOS fic.)

** volatile; handle with caution by starstrung | 8.5k, T

Spock moves in with McCoy in his lab and they have to learn to share the same space. (One of my absolute faves. Their voices are written perfectly and the plot is simple, but very very effective.)

Recommended authors:

all writers of the fics listed above of course

especially starstrung and therev, a couple of each of their fics are on this list but they have many other superb Spones fics

IntuitivelyFortuitous has an amazing Spones Oneshots series. I reced 3/5 of the fics in the series (so far?), but I highly recommend the other 2 as well

Think I missed any fics? Have a rec for me? Send in an ask! (Seriously, I love receiving asks, please feel free to send away)

A Massive Mckirk Rec List // A Massive Spirk Rec List to come soon(ish)

[fastxandxtardy]

///Out of Speed///

Gotham season 3 episode 14: The Gentle Art of making Enemies

I’m going to say one thing before I put spoilery things under the cut

This episode is the reason everyone should watch Gotham for. This, this is just IT. This was AMAZING and makes all the shitty episodes worth it. Gotham has had really good episodes before, but this one is phenomenal and I was completely speechless. 

Now on to my massive fangirling.

JEROME FUCKING VALESKA 

I knew it was going to be a good one because Jerome was in it, but jfc it’s like Cameron’s performance gets better each and every episode we see him in! How is that possible?!

David Mazouz also gets all the awards, all of them. He was brilliant and you could really see Batman in him. It gave me the chills and the last scene with him and Alfred about the Batman philosophy brought tears to my eyes.

Nygmobblepot was fucking heartbreaking. Oswald ;  ; he really loves Ed, was willing to give up his life for him. And Ed didn’t expect that. Oswald defied all odds AND HE STILL FUCKING SHOT HIM! I need a seperate post to talk about this because jfc.

But he can’t be dead, right???? The Penguin cannot be dead. 

Fucking Valeyne interaction tho! Fuck they have so much chemistry and yes I hate myself for thinking that. Remember how I said that I would not ship them other than platonic? I need to keep repeating that as a mantra in my head. Bruce is like 15 or 16. Underage. And Jerome is 18. So, nope nope nope, can’t go there. 

I assume Jerome is still 18 because he’s been dead. Otherwise he would have been 19 probably. But his body was frozen, so technically he’s still 18. That’s my logic anyway.

Even worse is that Jerome is absolutely bonkers and cruel.

But DAAAAAAAAMN, I loved the shit out of the first line he said to Bruce.

“My my, look how big you’ve gotten!” with that crazy ass grin that’s somehow unfairly hot on his stapled on face. How does he do it? How?

OMFG Jerome! Do you know how much trouble they went through to get that thing from the Court of Owls!!! I shouted when it shattered. Hopefully they can still fix it. 

“It’s been nagging at me ever since I woke up. The idea of slitting that pretty pink throat of yours.”

FUUUUCK, Jerome, don’t say those kind of things!

And Bruce BLUFFING, seemingly judging Jerome for wanting to kill him without any flair and egging him on, playing on his ego! OMFG that was amazing! Jerome realizing Bruce was trying to manipulate him but going along with it anyway because he makes a good point. You have to love how he’s rather vain when it comes to things like that. The thing he accused Dwight of; having no charisma or stage presence. He really finds that important. He’s so theatrical heeeee.

But his whole demeanor during that. Like he was first being all crazy eyed and about ready to kill Bruce, keeping that pose like that for a bit and then him rolling his eyes and turning away going “Ooh whadda ya mean?” And Bruce just kept being stone faced the whole time. You go, Brucey! I really love how he’s grown and am so so proud of him. Last time he was cowering in Jerome’s grip. That’s only about a year ago!

I loved everything about that scene. I’ve rewatched it on YouTube so many times I know it by heart. 

That murder circus/carnival cite. How fucking terrifying was that? I’d seen glimpses of it during the white band trailer of course, but now I realized what it was all about. They were killing innocent people on every attraction. 

The whole thing with “Face it, kid. Gotham has no heroes.” and then when Jerome is about to throw the ball, Bruce pushes him. YES! That right there already showed that Bruce wants to be a hero even if he doesn’t fully realize it himself yet. But Jerome does (with his later line of “You wanna be a hero?!” in the mirror maze.

The poor guy gets killed nonetheless and that was a gruesome scene ick.

BUT THEN omg, when Jerome puts the staples in Bruce’s arm after he mocked him, you can SEE that Jerome is intrigued when Bruce only briefly blinks his eyes but doesn’t make a peep. His brow furrows the slightest bit in confusion, disbelief. He’s amazed that this kid isn’t immediately crying out in pain and realizes there’s more to him than meets the eye. After the second one, he sees it as a challenge, and he’s pleased when Bruce pleads for him to stop at the third one. But jfc, two staples were put in his arm and there was only the blinking of his eyes. I was super impressed. Also, because Batman moment! I love it whenever Bruce shows his inner Batman and we haven’t even gotten close to the best part of Bruce’s scenes yet. 

Jerome as a ringleader? Hell yeah. I loved the white straightjacket like suit on him more (it was super hot ngl) but I have to admit the ringleader suit was a lot more Jokeresque. 

Jerome slapping his own ass.... *died* He’s a showman, alright.

I was appalled by all those people cheering for Bruce’s death though. Like jfc, that’s a teenager! You’re rooting for a teenager to be killed in a terrible manner! How can you people live with yourselves?! I get that they want chaos and anarchy because Gotham as a city... I wouldn’t want to live there either. Look at kids like Selina. They’re completely left to their own devices! No one cares about them. How horrible is that?! But these cult members are horrible too for wanting Bruce to be killed just because he’s an elite. 

The little murderous shit waved goodbye at Bruce with a grin after he lit the fuse! What a troll! I can’t even. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry at this part because daaamn that’s so cruel but also so Joker.

I was panicking so badly when Bruce lost that first staple and the fuse was almost up. The desperate look and sheer panic on Bruce’s face (again all the kudos to David Mazouz) completely sucked me in and made the rational thought that it’s impossible Bruce Wayne dies fly completely out of the window. 

Thank you, Selina for teaching Bruce streetkid skills! I’m assuming it’s Selina that taught him how to pick locks during his stay with her on the streets. That saved his life. 

“Oh Bruuuuce! Where are ya, boy?  Come on out boy. I won’t hurt ya!” Yeah right. No one believes that coming out of your mouth, Jerome...  And then when he saw him running into the mirror maze: “Bruce, darling... “ WHAT?!  How can we not ship that? Please tell me how we’re not supposed to ship that? Because even with the shipping being platonic, some people are like omg that’s disgusting! But look at that writing! (which I love)

BATMAN! Sorry, but even without the suit and cowl, Bruce was so Batman in the mirror maze scene. First of all, he lured Jerome there and used the confusion of the multiple mirrors to his advantage. And the look on his face, it was just on point. That serious, intense Batman stare/glare, he had that down. This whole scene was my absolute favorite Bruce moment in the whole episode. Maybe even the whole show.

The whole moment where Jerome giggles at himself and goes  “I have to tell ya, *giggles some more* This is way more fun than I was expecting! We make a good team you and me.”  I was squeeing and holy shit, how much did he sound like Mark Hamill there? Amazing!

“Let’s do this mano y mano, my little conquistador.” I have no idea what that means lol. But I’m guessing it’s something like let’s fight this out as real men and I loved how he said “my” I’m terrible...

TACKLE!!! 

“What kind of hero tackles someone from behind?!” lol Batman does! And ouch then Bruce got a kick to the face, but that’s about the only hit Jerome got in because daaaamn that training really paid off!

Jerome, your fighting skills suck. I also loved how he was treating the fight in such a silly way at the start. I’m not sure WHAT exactly he’s saying when he’s ridiculously pumping his fists up, but I think it’s “Put ‘em up! Put ‘em up!”

He heavily underestimated what Bruce was capable of LMAO

My heart stopped when Bruce seemed about to kill Jerome. (You can’t really blame the guy, he thought Alfred was dead) Not only because, you know, Jerome can’t die again!!! But also because Bruce is a good person. I wouldn’t want him to kill anyone, and it’s Batman’s biggest rule. Not to kill. 

So I breathed a massive sigh of relief when he didn’t. 

Jerome’s face starting to come off was really really gross though. It’s then that you realize that part of it is nothing but dead skin now. Gross. I wonder if they’re going to do plastic surgery on him or something. Because there is no way his face can heal by having part of it stapled on like that. I know little to nothing about medical things, but that seems logical to me. 

Alfred and Bruce reuniting really made me emotional. It was such a heartfelt moment. 

Jerome just had to go and interrupt that moment. Fuck I was so scared Jim was going to shoot him!

But instead he punched his face off.

Ew. 

I love Jerome, but... a lot of blood squicks me and seeing an almost entirely bloody face (or non-face I guess) made me shudder. 

BUT HE’S ALIIIIIIIIIVE YEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!

The point I made in the former post still stands however... how is Jerome not going to be obsessed with Bruce Wayne as a person now? He defeated him, showing how worthy an adversary he is, but also made Jerome have a lot of fun at the same time, challenged him. I’m also pretty sure that in the moment, Jerome wanted Bruce to kill him to prove his point that everyone can be pushed to kill someone. He was cheering him on to kill him. Bruce defied him at every turn. It would seem really unbelievable if Jerome were to simply forget about him after all this... Even if he at some point realizes it was stupid to want him dead in the first place (That was something Galavan wanted him to do after all and he clearly and understandably hates Galavan for betraying him. So why does he want to carry out his will?)

I wonder how the writers will deal with it. Unless by the time Jerome is free again, Batman’s out to play already, and Jerome officially becomes the Joker. Which would admittedly be awesome. David Mazouz proved that he is more than worthy of taking up the cowl one day. In my opinion, anyway. The only problem being he’s still a bit young.

Maybe next season we’ll see Jerome in Arkham having his interaction with Harleen Quinzel (since apparently we’re going to see a glimpse of her in the last episode this season) and maybe even with Mad Hatter (though I hate that creep for his incest behavior) and Ed! (if he gets caught this season) While Bruce continues developing and figures out what he wants to do with everything he’s learned. Maybe he’s still dealing with the Court of Owls too if that doesn’t get resolved this season. That gives him another year to grow and we’ve seen what one year can do already.

Maybe Jerome even leaves Gotham for a while after he’s escaped Arkham. Who knows. 

I really wouldn’t want a time jump and then a different actor playing Bruce. No way.

If they are going to go as far as having Batman on the show, that is. Originally that wasn’t the plan, I believe, but to me that seems a shame. They have an actor who undoubtedly will be able to pull Batman off, they have the perfect future Joker, the chemistry between the two is already there even before they are Batman and Joker. What more could you want? Personally Gotham interests me a ton more than the DC movies. And Jared Leto’s Joker... so far he hasn’t done it for me. Harley Quinn is awesome, but Joker... eh.

Okay back to the actual episode now. The last thing I want to talk about (I might make an other post for all the Nygmobblepot stuff. I’m not sure yet) Alfred and Bruce’s talk in the aftermath of what happened. Bruce being so damn mature and again, showing his inner Batman. With how that even though there is a fine line between justice and vengeance, like Alfred said, it doesn’t mean there isn’t one and Bruce doesn’t want to cross that line. He completely gets it. 

The moment Alfred mentioned rules, I was already smiling. It’s like I already knew what was coming. 

“Rules you cannot and will not break.”

“I will not kill.”

CHILLS! The way he said it and then repeated it, the determination and expression he put in it. Even just thinking about it is making me shiver again. Brilliant. If he wasn’t so young, I’d be in love. 

Aaaand that’s it. I’ve rambled on enough about Jerome and Brucey LOL. I’d be surprised if anyone actually read through all of it X’D. If you did, congratulations! But seriously, if you like the whole Batman franchise, you’re definitely missing out if you don’t at least watch the episodes Jerome is in. I know a lot of people are super hung up on the fact that the Joker isn’t supposed to have an origin or name and blah blah blah. But Nicholson’s Joker had a name too. Jack Napier, anyone? And no one seemed to mind that. 

And you have to see Gotham as its own thing. A different spin on the Batman mythos. The characters are portrayed wonderfully and really worth the watch. The first season is really slow, I admit that  but once the show finally got going, found its pace, it kept getting better. I understand why it was so slow. The first season was where they had to start building everything up so that after that they could focus more on the individual stories of particular characters. 

I’m personally glad I didn’t give up on it. Especially now that Jerome is back. They didn’t kill him off this time. We will be seeing him again. Even if we have to wait another year for it. Soooo...