#//so so sorry abt this being late
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Continued from here @evecolourshock
Rinzler made a low clicking hiss as the beta ran off, his leverage was gone now. Not that it mattered much, the chances
He took a step back, about to snarl one last threat at Midas when he felt a snap. A vital wireframe connecting deep down all the way into one of Rinzler’s legs collapsed and the program crumbled with a choked yell. Claws tried to clutch onto the rock for support, to stay even partially upright. Their grip was too weak however, claws scraping uselessly against the stone until Rinzler was left shaking on the ground beside it.
The disc Rinzler had been clutching had clattered a few feet away. Fighting desperately through the pain Rinzler tried to drag himself towards it. He couldn’t let his disc be taken, he’d be lost, gone, destroyed. Their focus narrowed down onto it panic and pain narrowing to a single point.
#initializing system…#file three#evecolourshock#ic#//so so sorry abt this being late#//tumblr muse has been a pain#//Knocking Rinzler down so he’s forced to accept some help for once in his runtime#//rinzler i think the virus is more important… oh no he can’t hear me through the protocols clu instantlled
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watching percy pet that white gecko in ep2 with the biggest fricken grin on his face single-handedly cured my depression for the rest of the calendar year
#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#I’m so late to finally watching this I know I’m painfully aware#but this scene made me so incredibly internally happy I proceeded to scream abt it to 3 different people#he’s such a little goof I can’t#my brain watching my hyperfixation w/ geckos and my hyperfixation w/ pjo meet#and u expect me to not physically explode into a million different pieces#and istg if it ends up not being a gecko and just some kind of lizard#im sorry okay it looks like a gecko#im not a botanist
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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another thing i've Witnessed in all spheres of modern feminism is who gets afforded the grace of "internalized misogyny" vs who just gets called a "misogynist"
like if you are a feminine cis girl (& usually white too) all your sexist bullshit is excused as internalized misogyny that was pushed on them by a sexist society that they have to unlearn but in the meantime we cannot hold them accountable or be too mean to them bc they're traumatized and trying :((((( so if you call out their sexism, YOU are in fact being a woman-hating bitch/dyke/etc who hates girls and girlhood
but...... if you are a trans woman or you're butch or a stud or a woman of color and you say anything even perceived as sexist, oh no no you do NOT get the grace of "internalized misogyny". you don't get time to learn or grow. you are a sexist and you should be shot and you might as well be a man.
and usually the latter group's "misogyny" is just pointing out the other group's double standards and sexism which gets us called not girls girls and "pick-mes" (used wrong) and sexist etc. like sometimes obviously we ARE misogynistic, everyone is, but usually it's over the dumbest shit and even in the cases where someone in the latter group is being genuinely sexist, they are NOT given the same grace as the former group
#sorry ive been on a feminism kick lately it's an autism mode rn but like. i have so many thoughts constantly just rattling around in there#discourse cw#but i REALLY noticed this one w my infamous post abt girl dinner lmfaooooo#the amount of ppl in those notes being like how dare you theyre traumatized by girlhood you fucking misogynist#like. do you not see the double standard there or.... no? okay
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cw // stalking
DOL x SCP AU
KyLar ver. 1.0.0 - SCP- 1471 (EUCLID)
'Never settle for those awkward feelings of being alone ever again! KyLar is an exciting and interactive experience that will keep you engaged and intrigued! The anxiety of social situations can be nerve-wracking but after a few hours of KyLar, you will soon forget about all those painful emotions of disappointment! Remember, the more you participate, the more KyLar will engage with you! Your experience is completely up to you!'
SCP-1471 or also known as 'KyLar' is a free to download application for mobile devices made available on several well known online applications platforms including but are not limited to: Google Play and the Apple App Store. SCP-1471 has no listed developer and has the anomalous ability to not only bypass all approval process to be listed on the online application platforms but also can not be removed by any program removal application.
Once SCP-1471 is installed in a phone, it will begin to send pictures to the user through text messaging between every 3-6 hours. All pictures will contain some detail of SCP-1471-A, either located in the foreground or background. On the first day, the pictures containing SCP-1471-A would be taken in places that are usually frequented by users in the past. However, after 48 hours, the pictures sent containing SCP-1471-A would be taken in places that were recently visited by the user. After 72 hours, the pictures sent containing SCP-1471-A would be taken of the user in real time, with shots of SCP-1471-A standing in the foreground, background or even behind the user at times. Users who have been exposed to SCP-1471 for more than 90 hours will begin to visualize or see SCP-1471-A in their peripheral vision and reflective surfaces.
SCP-1471-A has been described to be a short human male with pale skin, sunken eyes with dark eye bags and a mop of black messy unkempt hair. SCP-1471-A is always seen wearing very loose gray trousers and an oversized black hoodie. In some instances, SCP-1471-A would appear in some pictures holding a knife in one hand and some users have reported that the longer they take to respond to SCP-1471-A's pictures, he will look far more hostile and crazed in the next pictures. However, it is unclear if continued delay in response to these text messages would lead to a hostile encounter with the anomalous entity. So far, affected users, who have continued exposure to SCP-1471, had begun visualizing SCP-1471-A in real life, where SCP-1471-A would try to visually communicate with them in some way. However, all reported users have failed to understand or comprehend the meaning of these attempts.
The only way to reverse the anomalous effects that is occurring to the users will be to remove the users from the continuous exposure of the images completely before 90 hours have passed.
#dol x scp au#I'LL PROBABLY MAKE SOME MORE PROPER ENTRIES FOR THE LOVE INTERESTS SOON#cause i did tweak the SCPs a bit to better suit the DOL lore#but i do hope this is nice !!#im so sorry abt being late for halloween but literally on halloween#i could not post anything on my blog#like it was so bad and at some point i got kicked out as well#degrees of lewdity#dol#dol related#dol kylar#kylar the loner#fan art#art#mine#my fan art#my art#for now have kylar !!! i thought of making him the first one cause i recall MalO the original SCP-1471#is not a very well known SCP? so I thought it'd be good to just type in their entry#im surprised they're not more famous because early on when i started my scp journey#i couldn't click on any scp video without ever hearing malo getting mentioned
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I can't remember if I've posted abt this before but regardless: I'm sorry but I really and truly cannot get behind the idea that there is any wide-scale societal "pressure for trans men to be feminine" or "to be twinks" or whatever. You are either conflating a very small online community's beauty standard (usually some kind of transmasc pseudo-appropriation of "femboy" aesthetics, which yes, are often Bad and regressive and fetishized and etc.) with Mainstream Society, or confusing society not wanting trans men to transition with "wanting trans men to be feminine", which are certainly not the same thing. Ultimately if a cis person believes there is any validity to the concept of being trans (i.e. not a Posie Parker-esque "there's no such thing as a trans person" type), they are more likely to think that trans men should be like as masc and buff and hairy as possible or whatever bc that's what cis people think men look like and it's easier for a lot of people to recognize someone who Looks Masc as a man. It is difficult sometimes to see derision of trans guys who are Too Feminine and Not Hairy Enough or whatever (which is not always something someone has control over btw) as anything but "this is Skye who I think is a confused little girl because Skye does not pass" slightly restyled for 2023 "filthcore fagdykes" or whatever lol
#and btw 'twink' is not synonymous with 'skinny' that's not all it means i am so so so tired of seeing it used that way#i am also tired of like Positivity Posts for 'bears' needing to be based on derision of 'twinks'. get over that!#open mick night#lgbt#gender#god this is like that post where op is like It's sooooo hard being a trans girl who wants a vagina bc that's not the mainstream :pensive:#is it not? mainstream society decided women can have dicks? since when?#let men be masculine or whatever#sorry i know i've been talking abt this a lot lately but yknow it Is difficult. given the way i look and all that#like people keep saying that elliot page tweet was Actually About Body Type but like. is it? or is it about I Don't Think Elliot Page Passe#also tbh people say the same shit abt cis men. 'people are okay with Fem Queers(tm) but not Masc Queers(tm)' wow are they? since when?#and are the people telling men they're not allowed to be masculine in the room with us right now
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a while ago i saw a post by @sideblogdotjpeg about how the cycles in c3 seem a lot more personal/familial. and i kind of went insane in the tags at the time and i’ve been thinking about it a lot since because like…
you have the heroic cycles that the band of boobs parallel/break on this large scale. the idea of these broken trios of adventurers is there throughout the campaign, but they really start to engage with it towards the end— with the divine hearts, and thiala, and the wheel of suffering/wheel of joy idea. the thing hardwon says as he takes the divine heart, that no matter what anybody chooses from then on it’s with love in their hearts, i feel is very relevant to how they break the cycle. they love each other, and they choose over and over to hold each other tighter rather than be driven apart.
and on the other hand, you have duck team’s refusal of fate vs their family’s resignation to it. look at swag working with mothership, oliana’s contrition, and the stuff that is currently ongoing with gowan. you know— sol is a version of swag who fully rejected mothership and found his friends instead. callie refused to be a part of her family’s business, and her love for the wild and the serpents is giving the world a chance. calder, when he makes the deal with ultrus, telling callie and sol that he trusts them to save him. and now calder is refusing to sit back and let gowan handle things in the ice knife.
it's not that duck team aren't trying to save the world. they are. and it's not that the boobs didn't have a personal connection to the cycles they were breaking. they did. but it's like... well... how do i put this into words. right--
the song melora's boon plays when the boobs arrive at the heart of the world and speak to melora. when she talks to beverly about duty, shows him the places he faltered and how at the last second, he gets back up. (later, when they face thiala, bev doesn't go unconscious once. at one point, he's the only one standing.) for sol, this is the song that plays when he expresses his fear of going down again. when he admits to callie that he's scared of the day that she and calder are down and he's the one that needs to stand up alone. when callie says she's not afraid of that day, and sol finds himself empowered by the mushroom in his chest. the moment that sets up sol's long death monk ability, where he's able to refuse to go down and keep on fighting.
melora’s boon is also the song that plays for moonshine’s boon at the heart of the world. there are actually two songs in this scene, hardwon’s is different, and the transition back happens when melora says there’s a part of herself that moonshine hasn’t embraced. when she speaks to moonshine leading her people to a better future like an alpha wolf leading her pack. for callie, it plays when she tells hardwon and sol that she’s a liability and she needs to change— to embrace winter— in order to get calder back, even as they reassure her that she doesn’t. it also plays when callie asks the others to help her protect honeysuckle while he’s weakened. when they promise to lead honeysuckle home and free him from his connections to gromdal.
the writing on the wall plays when the boobs reach the court of gods. there's the wall of prayers there, and they hear the prayers of the people of bahumia, reaching out to them. prayers of protection-- for and by them. prayers that put the future of bahumia in their hands. for callie, this is the song that plays when she sees aryox's carving of her reaching the cave. when she realizes her mother acted the way she did because she could see what was coming in the future. when she realizes her mother was leaving the world in her hands.
the songs that the boobs first encounter at the end— when they’re basically demigods stepping up to face thiala— return for duck team in these personal moments. when sol finds the strength to refuse death. when callie talks about embracing winter, her mother’s season, something she eventually finds strength in, to save her friend. when callie asks the others to help honeysuckle, one of the serpents that she’s promised to protect partially due to the harm her family caused to the wild. and when callie realizes her mother saw the future and acted as she did because of it, pushing callie to walk the path she’s walking now.
anyway. this was a post about naddpod music.
#naddpod#ba2mia#naddmusic tag#sorry to leave calder out his story is too ongoing to fit yet#(and we haven’t had any songs that fit in his arc either)#if we get a late stage bahumia song during this arc#for calder and gowan im gonna fucking. die.#truly just going insane over here anyway#like obviously on a meta level the reason the songs were never used for the bob#before the endgame is bc they weren’t written yet#but like. when you start to think about it#it kind of fits that it happens like this#there’s also more examples like i just want to know you’re taken care of#which is used in c1e91 for moonshine and paw paw’s convo#being used for callie and foster in ep10#of c3#specifically in the context of callie’s love and her fear of loving big#(contrasted against moonshine resigning herself to hell and her fear of that future)#anyway if i keep talking abt this i’ll explode so#enjoy? i guess?#hanbles
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jason thinks he should be dead (sometimes he thinks he IS dead), he's just what crawled out of jason todd's grave but he IS jason todd why cant you see that im still the same person. but im not who i used to be and you have to accept i'm different now but i'm still the same bc i'm still your son and your brother and your friend but i'm not 15 anymore (but i am i never grew up i'm still stuck in that warehouse watching the seconds count down the joker is still laughing and i'm still in pain and broken and bloody and beaten and the warehouse is everything and i'm 15 i'm 15 i'm 15) i'm an adult now i'm not a sweet lil daddy's kid anymore i've grown up (i haven't. do you remember when i played with legoes? when we went to football matches togetehr? when you drove me to school and called me chum and smiled at me gently and put your hand around my shoulder and squeezed? i loved you.) when you look at me all you see is who i used to be, you don't see ME, you just see who i used to be and i can never measure up to that, i can never be as good or kind or gentle or loving as the ghost of me that lives in your brain, but when i look in the mirror my eyes are dead like a fish's and my corpse is still in the ground and i'm not breathing because my insides are decayed and gone but i'm still standing here like a zombie, like a bad dream, like a fraction of who i used to be because i'm dead and i'm 15 and i never grew up but i'm somehow still an adult and how dare you not see me for who i am because i'm still the same but i'm still different but aren't i your son? am i at least still your son? you took me in and you loved me and you cared for me and you were my father my god my everything? i'm still your son. i'm still your son. i'm still your son.
Do you love me? Can you prove you love me? Can you prove i meant anything and can you prove my death was real?
(I love you. Please say it back.)
#my dc posting#jason todd#dc#red hood#...so how's everybody else doing!#i'm doing fine thanks for asking#sorry i was having thoughts abt jason and i feel like this is the only way i can showcase his mental state#cus like. theres contradictions and hypocrisies and everything stacked up on top of each other#all of it is him and all of it is false and he doesnt know who he is.#he's whatever's opposite of what you think of him#if bruce says he should never have been robin then fuck him. jason was a great robin and it was everything to him and he is not just a mist#ke.#but if someone else then says being robin was perfectly fine for jason and he chose it and it's his own fault he died#then no fuck that guy what the fuck is wrong with bruce to throw children out there in colourful undies and a cape?#etc etc like. DO YOU GET ME RN#ueghhj#this is only like 1% of what i'm rotating in my mind about him rn#jason loves bruce and that's the issue!!! that's the problem guys!!!! because he loves his dad too much to ever let go!!!!!!!#and he just wants his dad to say it back (to prove he means it to prove it's not too late to prove that theyre not too far gone yet)#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i have jason todd disease. when instead ofbrain there is. jhason
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Ultratober day 4-6 - Most epic battle
The most epic battle imo is actually 7-4 but I already drew the Earthmover for the soundtrack one so I went for the second most epic battle
#Ultrakill#Hideous Mass#V1#Ultratober#my art#when i think the word epic i think a giant enemy that inspires awe or fear when you first fight them#most of the ultrakill enemies dont actually do that for me#like for most of the bosses im like thats my friend gabe :) or thats my buddy sisyphus.#also sorry for this being so late i should NOT have taken up two different challenge thingys for october#fighting for my life and im behind on both things#whats the other one you ask? haha (sweats nervously) dont worry abt it.
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I can't really relate to people who aren't creatives that are extremely ambitious (& also horribly time inefficient & prone to procrastination, I can't relate to successful creatives either). like when someone tells me their big dream in life is to be a physician or a social worker or god forbid smth like a big business boss babe I do see them almost as another species. not an inferior species mind you just fundamentally different from me (far higher functioning & overall 10000x more likely to succeed in their endeavors so this is not me being superior or condescending !). I just don't know how to be satisfied with a normal life
#I literally cannot & will not be happy to settle for anything less than being a prolific writer filmmaker etc. its unthinkable#at work last night I was thinking abt this & how im incapable of true gratitude#it was slow so I was on yt & ended up watching smth abt the prisoners of death camps who were forced to deal w/the bodies . and i was like#really thinking about how absurd it is that i feel so sorry for myself constantly just bc im working class & very mentally ill#like the way I feel abt celebs throwing themselves pity parties is prob the way much of the world feels abt me#obv this isnt the first time ive thought critically abt my lack of gratitude but nevertheless I have been feeling sorry for myself lately#sometimes u gotta say ''some ppl have war in their countries'' to yourself as well as the celebrities :/
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by the lighthouse.
dividers
#alright i suppose i should tell what's up lately! im mostly posting this like a mini update or whatever haha#so - since i made that last post on my disappearance i worked endlessly to finish my animation project and thank goodness it's finally over#i had to take a break from trying to be social here and just stay in my own space and i did that by having a smaller side blog to ramble#the project was very... tiring - definitely took out so much energy from me post physically and mentally and i was just frustrated everyday#so i just took my time to be alone with a few close people and i like to think im okay now?#i like to think so - since i was able to deliver a few commission drafts today so i'm relieved that im back to my usual pace#I'll post a few of my doodles here i did during my project just to fill the void haha#i've acquired a minor familial from another video game and i care for him a lot :] idk ill bother to talk abt it here but yeah thats funnn#also indulging a lil bit of t.n.m.n content as of late also thanks to my friend who knows abt it hehe#soo yeah! I don't know if ill be active like the usual but know that i'm doing alright now! hope everyone's doing okay too xoxo#ill probably still stay in my smaller blog for a little longer but will occasionally pop in here!#sooo yaaa#~ art#💚 memoryshipping#also yea i think no.rton only had like. 10 days worth of being the blog brand here until i switched back to the usual guy lmaooo sorry 😔
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dean "the angry man in the house" winchester ??? WRONG. dean is the HEART of the house. he always has been. he became the fictional mother that never was, he pushed himself to fill the role of the mythical mother mary. he played mediator between the two who were always butting heads. he was quiet and seemingly obedient and when on the rare occasion he rebelled he was cast out by the Real angry man of the house. and while dean was gone, the metaphoric house was without heart. without joy. because dean did more than just take care of sammy, he was there. he made sure sam didn't feel alone or neglected. when sam says he was a lonely kid and dean feels it as a slap in the face that's because to dean, they weren't lonely because they had each other ! like "what do you mean you were a lonely kid you had me?" so dean, he tried. as the heart of the house, he tried to make sure sam felt cared for and then later, with every found family member, dean dotes on them and tries to help them however they can and he wants them to stay where he can see them and care for them and keep them safe. and when they finally have their first permanent home since lawrence, dean nests. and he cooks and decorates his room and keeps photos of his loved ones nearby and he likes a clean house. and does he get angry and upset sometimes ? yes. because those are human emotions and he also has decades of unresolved trauma and few healthy coping skills bc he's never been given a chance to just stop and take care of himself and address these issues and the only emotion he learned was allowed to be expressed was anger so often what is fear and worry gets filtered and comes out as anger. but HE is not the angry man in the house. that will always, always be john. john's ghost looming over them. john's influence like a shadow. john's ways ingrained in them but that they both (hot-headed sam, esp early seasons hello remember him !!) need to unlearn. but neither of them are that angry man. that man is always going to be john. people misunderstand and misuse that "angry man" quote all the time. it's not about becoming the angry man that was once there. it's about being haunted by him, even when he's gone. and both of them, but dean specifically, are haunted by john.
the quote appears in the short story "Cut" by Cathrine Lacy and it's a poem within the story that goes like this:
muliebrity
if you’re raised with an angry man in your house, there will always be an angry man in your house. you will find him even when he is not there. and if one day you find that there is no angry man in your house— well, you will go find one and invite him in!
and in the story one of the characters asks the meaning of the title which means ‘womanly qualities’ or ‘womanhood’ and in the context of the poem the "angry man in your house" is meant to be this recurring male figure. you're raised with an angry man in your house. then you're haunted by that figure, "you will find him even when he is not there." and then when you are finally free of him, you will go out and find someone just like him and invite him inside. it's about cycles. and in the context of the poem it's about women mirroring and repeating patterns of their mothers, dating men that are like the angry men they grew up with, because it's all they know. it's not about becoming the angry man. and dean does not become that angry man either. he's haunted by john. he's internalized certain things about john but he's still a victim of john's abuse. and when he lashes out, that's more about unresolved trauma and needing better ways to express his emotions that aren't actually anger than it is about him becoming anything.
#sorry i've been thinking abt this a lot lately and i wrote an impromptu essay abt it ajfkdf#anyways i'm SO over the misuse of the 'angry man in the house' phrase toward dean#HE is not the angry man and he will never be the angry man in the house. that's always going to be john.#it's not about /becoming/ the angry man. it's about being haunted by him. and replacing him with other men.#dean studies#vic.txt#dean thee heart of the narrative#dean and john#mymeta#the angry man
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.
#i just need to vent abt this ok pls don’t yell at me or tell me im being ungrateful#but tfw u have almost 500 asks sitting in ur inbox and u literally don’t know what to do with them😀#the guilt that eats away at me because im not getting to what people say to me gets so bad sometimes#like you guys all have such great things to say and i want to be able to respond but there’s just such a large volume i get overwhelmed#and ive been so busy lately they’ve piled up bad#and ive even been missing ones from mutuals which i feel so bad about#im so sorry guys i really am like pls don’t abandon me im sorry ANDJJJSJ#and i just like. esp my regular anons i feel bad because i don’t mean to ignore you but stuff just gets lost#and the worst part is that if im spending hours on asks then im not writing fic#and im so behind on fic too#so. im not excelling in anything currently msdnskdjskdjskdjskdksks#el oh el#sorry i just needed that off my chest#i love u guys i appreciate you all seriously#delete later#🙏🙏🙏
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hiii !! I was wondering if I could request general hc for cg shigaraki? I've come back around to fixating on him and I just 💞 aaa I miss him :( also, I hope ur doing well and staying hydrated <3
@drowsysaint (<- tagging my agere acc)
Of course! I think this is my first MHA request honestly! so im super happy to do it for you! though i am NOT caught up on the anime, and i probably wont be taking more MHA reqs because of this! so sorry this took so long ... i posted it in drafts and forgot about it till now im SO sorry.. plus it isnt that long :c
CG! SHIGARAKI!
I feel like he'd be clueless at times, but he's really trying his best!
he'd set his little one in his lap while he played games, or let you do your own thing as he did his! parallel play style!
Cuddles, snuggles and just lounging about seems to be his caretaking style.
100% can be the sweetest cg ever, or the most stern... it really depends.
Usually he's the type to sit his little one on the counter while he made food just so they don't wander off with something or get hurt in his line of vision!
this is THE cg for bedtime, would tuck you in, read you stories and stay cuddled with his baby till they fell asleep
#my hero academia#agere sfw#bnha agere#agere bnha#fandom agere#sfw agere#agere#xxsc headcannons#IM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE#I GENUINELY FORGOT ABT THIS DRAFT :C#IM SORRY FOR IT BEING SO SHORT AS WELL I DONT HAVE MUCH ON HIM :((#HOPE YOU ENJOY THO <33
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MICKEY BEAR !!!
what was your first kiss like with toji and sukuna ? i was gonna ask something freaky but i’ll save it for another time
LANIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM ABOUT TEN MILLION BILLION YEARS LATE TO THIS BUT THEY JUST POPPED INTO MY HEAD AND NOW HERE I AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OKAY SO . i'm giddy alreadyHGASGHDGADHGAGHS OKAY OKAY OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIJI FIRST EVER KISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we never had any proper dates prior to dating so it happened very spontaneously. we were just having a good old movie night at my place (nobody is surprised), we were sitting on the couch - side to side, thigh to thigh with my head on his shoulder. but i just... well he looked very fucking good that night. he looks handsome every day but idk maybe i was ovulating or something i just could NOTTTT stop staring at him.
and so toji being toji, he tried to tease me for it, right? he made some stupid comment that i did not even hear bc i already knew i was going to go for it. i can be very impulsive sometimes and this was one of said times.
so i just went "can i kiss you?"
.
lani.. when i fucking tell you... he went so red in the face OHHHMY GODDDDDD i've never wanted a man as much as i wanted him in that very moment. i think i managed to catch him very off guard which i feel like is relatively hard to do and wahhhhhh it was very cute. big big man all flustered and shy because of meee:33333333
anyway he cleared his throat while not looking at me btw he tried to avert his gaze at all costs but well unfortunately for him i'm some kind of an eye-contact freak so i just kept on staring at him with hearts in my eyes lmao
but then ofc he folded. the kiss was very sweet. nothing like you'd expect. he does get a bit more timid when it comes to a person he really likes yk? and we just didn't want to rush anything so after the first few pecks, i did end up climbing onto his lap but it never went any further than that.
(we both wanted it to go further,, like he definitely went home with a raging boner)(maybe he jerked off in the car.....................)(okay no focus mickey)(anyway we again just didn't want to rush it at all so we forced ourselves to hold back a bit)
i've had to make all of the big first moves in this relationship hgsdhgahgdhgashgd WHICH I'M TOTALLY FINE WITH BTW bc he just needs a little push sometimes. at the beginning of the relationship he was just a bit more mmmm scared to go too far and scared to push me away so he just held back on everything. but when i started showing him the way and i started telling him how much i fucking like him then he started taking the lead more aswell. i love him lani i'm totally rambling idk if any of this makes any sense but i just need you to know that i love him okay he's very important to me
AND SUKUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he kisses me mid ramble😭😭😭😭 i think i might've seduced him with my loserness.. overall the setting is literally the same as it was with miji - we're just at my place, we're just having some takeout and we're bickering while lounging on the couch aaaand so i had been talking his ear off about this new film and i'm just yapping and yapping and i look over to him and he's just staring at me and i get nervous as fuck so now i'm there stumbling over my words and everything. he pokes fun at me for it but then just urges me to finish what i had to say .
and so i pushed up my glasses and started up again aaaand about a minute later he's kissing me and i'm just sitting there like O . O wiat . HE CAUGHT ME SOOOOOO OFFF GUARDD PLEASEEEE i got so red in the face he still teases me for it but let's just ignore that okay...
(is this how toji felt omfg...................)
he pulled away for a second and then we just . stared at each other for a few seconds before LUNGINGGGG at each other,, it was like something out of a movie i won't even lie it was very hot:333333333
everything escalated very fast from that point on lmao he's fucking insane i literally could not walk the next day ???? he thought that was very funny btw😒😒😒
(btw our first kiss song is kiss you all over by exile i cannot stop thinking about it i think it's so perfect for us)(this is like the background music for our little scene lmao)
ALL IN ALL I FUCKING ADORE BOTH OF THEM SOOOO SOOO MUCH AND I THINK FIRST KISSES ARE EVERYTHING!!!!! NO MATTER WHETHER THEY'RE MOVIE TYPE OF KISSES OR JUST PECKS OR MAYBE IT'S LIKE A BAD FIRST KISS IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S STILL SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love them sm talking abt this made me very very happy so thank you sm lani my angel:(((((((( i love you
#feel free to kill me#chop a few fingers off#whatever you wish my liege i have been bad😔😔😔#i kept jumping from past tense to present#i think i should never speak again actually#whatever#anyway i'm sorry for being so late#even though i'm only now answering this.. i've been thinking abt these scenarious for soooooooooo long#they're one of my favourites i think:33333333#they're just so sweet and lovely idk#i love them#TALKING ABT THEM MADE ME SOO GIDDY HELLO#it's so over for me...#WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THANK YOU LANI#I'M KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH RN#MWAH MWAH MWAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ILYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#lani <3#friends!!#miji#mikuna
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ive made myself more wet and pathetic
#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL#its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed#because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH#how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would#be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing#or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late#i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed#the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either#because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember#the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either#the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with#crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure#BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION#im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real#really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and#thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT#you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without#making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY#yapping#doodles#puppysona#edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule#and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened
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