#//my parents are immigrants and also come from two different cultures and i experiance this like. can i call myself from their cultures

[yveltalreal]

Miguel is talking about Lachrian Faith what's your opinions or experiences with it?

i saw. idk. i grew up there i guess. my family on my dad and fathers side are all super lachrian and i think my pa is to some extent too?? idk. my mom isnt she just like. follows along because like she lives there and likes to partake in other cultures and the lachrian faith is very much a huge part of vulgrado's culture. i used to be i think but idk i dont really believe in it anymore. i dont know how much of it is real i dont think lachrilove or serasphirit are real. i dont think legendaries are real in general anymore with some exceptions.

idk how much of it is i just dont believe in it anymore or how much is the fact that so much of my childhood has been tied to vulgrado, so much of it spent there, so much of my moms culture that i havent really gotten to experience for various reasons that im running away from it out of spite. i dont even know what region my pa is from other than not vulgrado so i sure as hell dont know his culture either. idk. i never got an island challenge and im finally getting to make itup NOW right before its too late. my mom used to tell me how she wished she coulda taken me to the festivals they have for jirachi in hoenn because we cant make a proper wish without a shrine unless we see a shooting star. a lot of stuff i know about alolan culture is because of alolans telling me after i came to narauva. most of the stuf of history and culture of both my family on my moms side and also just the world in general comes from my grandma telling me stories as a kid and i dont know how much of it is real or fake or how much is real but does or doesnt actually apply to me. she used to tell me about the wolves and kingsmen and how the hounds respected them. i dont know if she made that up and was right or we actually remembered them.

am i non religious because im non religious or am i non religious because im afraid of the fact ive all but abandoned one side of my family?

[lie-lacdreams]

Some headcanons in Thermo & Turmoil so far (for Curly and the reader)

Because I just inserted hella headcanons into the plot and feel an urge to explain all of them and then some more lol

(Before I begin I would like to start off by mentioning that I'm a bit clueless when it comes to using Tumblr so please forgive me let me be incompetent and ignorant in peace)

In this story, reader is in her mid to late twenties, like 26-28 years old. Curly is in his early to mid thirties (33-35), which means he joined Pony Express likely fresh out of college or trade school

Reader is a chemical engineering graduate student, specializing in green synthesis and catalysis. What this all means is that she has a particular interest in sustainability and organic chemistry

The way her morals and ethics left her body after getting accepted to work at Pony Express, a shady company with not the best green practices (she was desperate to find a job, okay?)

one last related thing - the timeline of when things happen in the game vs. in this story aren't very well-aligned. I'm going off of my own timeline for plot reasons

Okay, now on to more fun and general headcanons I have for Curly ~

I subscribe to the common belief that Curly is a big romantic. How could he not be??? He tried to seek out relationships throughout his twenties but remained unsuccessful to find someone who would stay with him through the crazy structure of his occupation. Imagine being in a relationship with someone who you couldn't see or communicate with for months to a year at a time. I absolutely get it

It all makes sense because he's absolutely married to his work. He's kind of come to terms that he can't have a long-term romantic relationship and a career as a freighter ship captain. Those two things simply don't go together well

At this age, Curly has reached the peak of his career - and when he comes back from another successful trip, he has quite a bit of monetary compensation waiting for him in his paycheck

Single and childless, he's financially comfortable - he has his savings but he also will pay the bill for his friends and family 8/10 times (would he fight for the bill? Of course not, he gave his card to the waiter halfway through the meal to pay)

He doesn't feel bitter about his lifestyle. He chose it, after all. Sure, he sometimes wishes that he had stability on Earth and a family of his own to go back to, but he loves living vicariously through his friends and that to him is enough for now. Every wedding, baby shower, friend's child's birthday party - if he's off the clock, he will absolutely be there and having the time of his life

Speaking of children, he would love to have some of his own someday, but as a single man who spends most of his time in a big metal box suspended in zero gravity, he doesn't know how to interact with them and is kind of awkward

He's very open minded to different cultures and new experiences.

Curly has been to a few Indian weddings where his friends would drag him out to the dance floor and make him learn Bhangra. He's jumping along like the rest of them, moving his arms animatedly to the beat of the music

like okay this white boy can dance! The crowd is so entertained

he's not a picky eater and would eat nearly anything. When he visited Thailand, the locals tricked him into trying balut (fertilized duck egg) and when he didn't react and mentioned that he didn't mind the texture that much, it left them confused and a little pleased

he sleeps warm and can't tolerate humid weather. Going to Thailand nearly ended him

He's so community-minded. This is why I could envision him with so many 1st/2nd gen immigrant friends. Man just gets it

This is also why the Chinese restaurant near where he lives loves him. The owner loves to use him as a role model for his son

You know that one family friend growing up that was stacked with accolades that your parents would compare you to? (or maybe that's just my own experience...) That is Curly for this poor little boy.

He's actually such a people pleaser, but hides it so well under being such a confident authority figure, so it just comes off as helpful and supportive instead

He loves when people go to him for advice. He may or may not have the experience to give the advice, but regardless he will try his best to come up with a solution

[yuribeam]

With the flood of empty meme-ification of the bigoted violence targeting Haitian immigrants in Springfield, Ohio, I had no idea until today that there is actually a Haitian Community Help & Support Center that serves Clark County and surrounding areas.

They were founded in 2023 and help assist refugees and immigrants with a variety of pressing needs, including:

housing

interpreting

job search

welfare assistance

"Through our work and determination, community services must be accessible to people in need of them, regardless of their race, ethnicity, color, religion, or sexual orientation. We envision it as a place where people feel at home when they come for community services and are served with dignity and respect." -HCHSC

They are now navigating the community's fears amid escalating threats, including multiple evacuations due to bomb threats, and violent racism that has exploded after J.D. Vance and Trump's xenophobic fear mongering lies were platformed at the debate.

The Haitian Times and the Hatian Community Help & Support Center organized a meeting on Saturday (9/14/24), bringing together activists from across the country, NAACP leaders, journalists, and local activists in conversation with community members.

The meeting had to be moved online out of fear for residents' safety.

"Some Haitian residents in the meeting shared their experiences in recent weeks and months as the fake news went viral. Participants also shared their fears, concerns and hope for the growing community. Even as they spoke, a ruckus broke out outside the community center from which a few participants logged into the Zoom when a strange truck appeared in the parking lot carrying white occupants acting cagey." - The Haitian Times, 9/16/24

The Haitian Times reports that some parents are keeping their children home from school out of fear for their safety. One woman's cars were vandalized in the driveway of her family home- the attacker used acid and broke a window, while another resident is facing discriminatory eviction from her business location.

White supremacist groups such as neonazis "Blood Tribe" are active in the area and are associated with the origin of the anti-Haitian lie.

Springfield's annual CultureFest, a two-day event that celebrates diversity, arts, and culture, has been cancelled for safety concerns.

"I take my kids to the park usually, I cannot do that anymore. You know, I have to just stay home and just don't go out. We used to just go for a walk in the neighborhood, but we cannot do that anymore," - Jims Denis, quoted in the Columbus Dispatch, 9/14/24

It is especially important to support the Haitian immigrant community during times like these. I hope visibility will shift from unhelpful dunk-on-trump memes to instead focus on the facts of the matter, the actual harm being caused to real communities, and how we can help.

With that in mind, the Haitian Community Help & Support Center takes donations through Stripe and Paypal on their website.

"Your generosity can make a profound difference in the lives of our Haitian community. By making a donation today, you help us provide essential resources, support, and opportunities for those in need. Donate now and be a part of the change. Every contribution counts! Thank you for your support." -HCHSC

(photo from Springfield Flag Day festival, 2023, Springfield News-Sun)

[caliburn-the-sword]

whether or not it was the intention of one mr chris colfer, it is undeniable that alex and conner bailey are EXTREMELY mixed race coded, reason numero uno being their parents quite literally coming from two entirely different worlds yet coming to love and understand each other

it has been abundantly clear from the start of the text that alex had a profound lack of belonging and a disconnect from her peers (ofc i'd be entirely open to the idea of this being exacerbated by the possibility of her being neurodivergent. additionally, i'm an adhd connor bailey truther). i've found among other second generation immigrant children who move back to the home country of their parent(s) for a year or 2 of study abroad often do not want to move back and if they are young enough that they're forced to, find it really distressing. this is reflected in alex in the enchantress returns when she had an emotional spiral (and i would even go as far to say situational depression) about being forced to live in the real world

furthermore, there is the pressure that alex and connor experience to "pick" one side of their culture; for alex her fairy side, and for connor his human side, and the responsibility that they feel they have and the people they know and love in each world. it really resonated with me as a child who felt like i was in a tug of war between all of my cultures and ancestry

in an ideal world, i (a 18 y/o software dev with no professional screenwriting experience) am the director of a tlos movie despite the fact that chris colfer announced the news years ago and nothing has come out of it since, and also the world is not vindictive or cruel to child actors for reasons beyond their control. the twins, in my eyes, are like that one pair of twins from the uk because ofc where alex struggles with finding acceptance with her peers, connor experiences no overt trouble, and he is undeniably white passing (though ofc he's just as much a poc as alex is). it would also be like harry potter/percy jackson/stranger things where it's fresh new talent for these two

[living-n-theastraldigital]

March 30th, 2024 Afropolitan Fashion Show!!!!!!

Reflections:

Just finished something I’ve been working on this show for almost half of a year and to see something I’ve put so much time into come into fruition and be done is a lot energetically. It was so amazing. I feel so blessed to have worked with such amazing people who were so collaborative and open and receptive and passionate and welcoming!

“A Taste of Africa” to me in a reflection of my own diasporic identity. I have ancestry results that say that I am from Cameroon, Congo, Mali, Ghana, Senegal and Nigeria. I don’t trust the racist technology that calculates these things but being African American I feel a need to have faith in it. I think about my 9% Senegalese ancestors, and my 13% Malian ancestors and my 12% Cameroonian and Congolese ancestors and hope that they were happy. I think about my my 21% Nigerian ancestors who must be recent in my bloodline because it is the most I am from any country. It’s a rumor in my family that my fathers real dad was a Nigerian immigrant. He was adopted and could never reach his parents. He is mixed race and when he was in his 30s he found his white mom but she refused to talk to him. I wonder what tribe I am from.

Doing this show has allowed me to think about my Africaness in a different context. I was afraid to co creative direct this fashion show because the event is specially for African students and not for diasporic identities. The black spaces on campus are culturally specific and there few spaces for Black Americans. I’ve never minded it though because growing up in California, I felt like an emphasis was placed on Black American identity and I feel generally an emphasis is placed on Black Americans culturally in mainstream media, for better or for worse. I didn’t want to take up space as an African American doing this show, but I also knew that I wouldn’t be able to work creatively if I couldn’t connect the theme to my own experience.

Now I am at a different place when it comes to understanding myself as a Black American and as an African. The two are not separate for me anymore, but they don’t mean the same thing either. I feel sooooo blessed to be African, soooooo blessed!!!!! Praise Jah!!!!! I feel soooo blessed to have an African American experience!! I thank god for it every day.

The biggest lie African Americans are told is that we don’t have culture. We may not have a country that is ours but we have a worldwide nation. We may not have a language that is ours but we have a worldwide understanding. The essence of African people is sacred. No one on earth holds the same grounded ness as we do. We are earths first children and she has given us soil and soul. Forever grateful.

[blnk338]

Can I ask a super personal question? I don't know what your sexuality is and you don't have to say of course but if you were say, bi. Would you be able to come out to your mom seeing how "rocky" your relationship is (I'm not sure how to phrase this, just remember u saying something about it not being the best)? And how would you approach the topic? Or maybe it would be better to take Nadya/mom as an example? I'm having trouble remembering what her mom's reaction was or if Nadya ever told her? Sorry if it's too out there, I just find topics like this important, especially if I can use advice I learn in future and you seem to enjoy deep discussions like this. Maybe if other people want to share their experiences as well that'd be cool? If you're okay with it only though. I am so nervous to send this but I don't have anyone to talk to about this. I hope it's not trouble!

//homophobia, transphobia, shit parenting, mentions of abuse

to put something into context to better answer your question, ill choose another thing to compare it to outside of sexuality: gender. there were a few years that i experimented with who i felt i was gender-wise. i tried to come out to my mom as a trans guy (identified as nb first, but didn't think they/them pronouns fit as much, and knew she wouldn't understand so i wasn't out at this point), and her general reaction was: "i don't hate gay people (she just generalized all LGBTQ+ as 'gay'), but you're not gay and you can't say you are." please note that my dad was actively supportive and, frankly, just wanted me to be safe and happy, so it wasn't a big deal; he also made it clear that he wasn't surprised that i was changing because everyone does (his rules were pretty much on the line of "as long as you aren't hurting yourself or others, I don't care). it took me a very long time to realize that my situation wasn't as bad as many other cases of kids coming out, but it wasn't a positive outcome. i was actively neglected and my mom chose to support whatever else my older sibling did because they were the golden child. in school and around friends, i used he/him pronouns and a different name, but that was never respected at home.

but i got into high school and realized that i wasn't trans, i was actually harboring a lot of internalized misogyny and i just hated being cornered into the traditional idea of a woman. with that being said, the damage was done. when i told my parents (sort of a re-coming out? i don't even know how to describe it, but i was still worried that they would be mad that i was changing again.), it was another weird reaction. dad was fine, mom was indifferent, and never said anything about 'having her little girl' anymore because i think she realized that i wasn't going to be the girl that she wanted me to be. today, i know i have masculine traits, but i still feel like and am a woman.

the traditionalism that i think she wanted to put on me didn't work and i took on a lot of typically masculine traits: I'm built, i prefer shorts/pants over skirts/dresses (though, I'm not opposed), i like engineering and computer science and construction, and I'm not that much into makeup or typically girlie stuff. it took me a while to unlearn the hatred i had for femininity due to the strangulation of my mom. if any of you are worried-- don't feel that way at all, I'm safe. I've moved out and cut contact

nadya's mom never actually had much of a reaction. i didn't want to add the underlying homophobia because i was worried it would go too far for people, y'know? i had nadya's mom, who i have named diane, just be horribly neutral-- she didn't care that much. i hope this is okay for this part of your ask haha

i didn't grow up in a red/conservative family though. my folks are immigrants, but come from two wildly different cultures. there wasn't a fear of me being kicked out or abused (at least physically) because I knew that a) my dad wouldn't have let that happen and b) i was a fat kid who had the weight over my mom, if she had chosen to hit me, i wouldn't have gone down without landing a few hits in myself.

i don't mind questions like this at all, and I'm grateful that you feel comfortable asking. if i did have a problem, i simply would've been vaguer :)

however, with the idea of coming out, it is now more pertinent than ever that you be careful, especially in the us. i recommend taking your own steps and trying to analyze whether or not your parents would take it well-- your safety is the number one thing that's important.

remember that if you have to cut people out, it is not a judgment on your character, but on theirs. if someone chooses to hurt or throw out their kid/anyone they know for being queer, they are not worth your time.

[familyhistoryblog101]

Nicholas's Family Interview

I interviewed my father, Jose Benavides. He was interviewed on October 14th, 2024. He was born in Los Algadones, Mexicali (within the state of Baja California, a part of Mexico) in 1975, and soon after moved with his family to Tijuana. He lived there carefree with his family for 5 or 6 years before coming to America for a better future. He and his family first lived with another family (8 people total) in a 1-bed 1-bath apartment in East Los Angeles, California for almost a year.  From there, his family would get enough money to move to Cudahy, then South Gate, before eventually moving to Downey once he was in high school. He and his family would stay there to this day, where he now lives, 49 years old, with his wife and 3 kids in a house of his own.

One part of borderland culture experienced by my father was the food he ate growing up. When he lived back in Tijuana, he ate food like Chorizo con huevos (pork with eggs), Chilaquiles (Fried tortillas with salsa), and many other dishes which consisted of beans, rice, eggs, and tortillas. When he first came to live in East LA, he would continue to eat primarily Mexican dishes cooked by his mother. Once he was enrolled in school, however, he would be served American elementary school food like pizza, chicken nuggets, hotdogs, and hamburgers. He mentioned that once he became more independent from his family while in school, he would prefer to get American food with his friends. I feel that this situation paralleled the experience of Roshini Rustomji’s mother in her article “Thanksgiving in a Monsoonless land.” In this article, Rustomji recalls a Thanksgiving in which family friends came over for dinner, which was unusual for the single mother and daughter. When the family friend arrives, he is surprised by the turkey Rustomji’s mother is cooking (alongside traditional parsi-Indian sides) where he exclaims “What, Dinaz Mehta! What is this? A Turkey! Have you forgotten how to cook Parsi food? I came here for pukka, real Parsi food. And what do I see? A turkey! What do you think you are? An American” (Rustomji 329). As mentioned earlier, my father experienced this disconnect between “American” and “Mexican” foods as his friends pulled him away from eating the traditional Mexican food he would eat at home. Similar to the mother’s outburst in the article, where she tells the family friend “Who are you to tell me I can’t love two places? No one, no one can cut boundaries into my heart,” he was able to find a balance between the cultures of the food he eats (Rustomji 330). Today my dad still eats Mexican food, cooking it himself. Despite this, he still eats a lot of American food because his wife and children prefer it. Even if he sometimes wants Mexican food, he is willing to sacrifice it for his family's preferences.

Another thing I asked my father about was the socio-demographics of the places he lived throughout his life. Back when he lived in Tijuana, most people that lived there were Mexican, which makes sense given Baja California doesn’t border other Central/South American countries. He lived with a lot of his family (cousins, uncles and aunts, grand parents) around the city because the poor infrastructure (and poor economy) of the area at the time made it tedious to travel to and from other cities. Once he moved to California (East L.A specifically), he shared an apartment with family friends who had come to America before my father’s family. In this area of urban, low-income housing, my dad was still surrounded by Hispanic families and kids from Mexico and other Central/South American countries who had also immigrated to America. By the time my father was in high school, however, his family had moved to Downey (a suburban city south of Los Angeles). While it had different areas of the city, overall the city was considered middle-class and comprised of mostly “white” people (people of European descent). As he graduated high school and continued to live in Downey, however, he witnessed a slow change to a Hispanic majority within the town, where now around 70% of the city is Hispanic. These different areas all display an idea shown in Rosaldo’s article “The Erosion of Classic Norms.” In this chapter, Rosaldo talks about the new and old way of ethnography. Previously (up until the 1960’s), ethnography as a study believed cultures to be unique and uninfluenced by each other, occurrences of other cultures within other countries being exceptions rather than the rule. The new study of ethnography, however, sees culture as transient between “borders,” that being how things like immigration and the assimilation of ideas lead to cultures intermingling between borders. Given my dad’s immigration from Mexico to the United States, this new approach to ethnography is shown through his experience growing up. When he moved from Mexico to East Los Angeles, he found other immigrants like him who embraced culture from not only their home countries, but that of America. In Downey, despite the ethnicity of the city changing so much, the Hispanic culture did not overpower the European traditions originally in the town, but instead integrated with it.

[maricrispalecpec]

UPDATE #3 (feb 12)

Whatʻs been happening over the past 2 weeks? I've had a pretty productive few weeks, though I think I could pick up the pace a bit. I've kicked off my project, and it feels like I'm making progress. The pieces of my story are falling into place, and now I'm working on bringing the first scene to life. I have my illustrations done, so now I will take them to After Effects to create the animation. Main completion: -Storyboard -getting started on illustration

Whatʻs coming up for the next 2 weeks? In the next two weeks, I am looking to finish my first scene and second scene.

Hiccups/Hurdles/AHA moments It's been two semesters since I took a motion graphics class, and it's been months since I last opened Illustration and After Effects. Reacquainting myself with these programs is a bit of a hiccup for me. I am relearning with the help of youtube and google. I might expand on my project because I've realized that the story I've been developing revolves around Asian Americans who either immigrated from South Korea or have parents who did. I also want to highlight the experiences of Asian Americans who were born and raised in America, without facing cultural differences from their peers.

Any deliverable drafts to share? yes (see attachments) picture #1: what I have completed for pre-production picture #2: part of my illustration

Visual documentation of the progress. (Please upload screenshots, WIP videos, etc.) same as above

Where you are on your timeline? I want to say mid-beginning.

[curculiostultus]

RANT

so... not me creating an entirely new account so no friends of mine see this lol. I know tumblr is probably not an ideal place to say this, but I honestly don't feel like I can talk to anybody about this?

So, I'm a first generation immigrant - I will not disclose where I'm from, but both of "my" cultures are Slavic, all you need to know. I spent my first seven years of life in one country and then we immigrated to another country. I never went to school in my home country. Basically all of my development and growth happened in my adoptive country. Honestly, my parents couldn't have chosen a worse age for moving away. I was right at that age where a child's identity is built and when the child needs stability and an anchor more than anything and I.. didn't have that. I was taken away from home and brought to a place where I didn't understand the language and where people glared at me. And even when I started speaking the language, I was still bullied and heavily alienated. There were other immigrants around us, but none of them shared my experience- they were either second generation, or older when they moved away - they had an identity, a country to call their home. I didn't. I still don't. I know I'll never be like my peers in my adoptive country, but I also can't relate to people from my home country - I changed to much. I don't have one culture - I am a blend of two. And somehow.. not enough to be either. Do you know how frustrating it is to not even have my own language? I can't fucking speak my first language properly, because I never went to school and I borderline can't even read in it. But I know I' ll never be like a native speaker in my second language. Both of my languages are fucked up! I don't have even the most basic thing for any human being! I just.. I feel incomplete. Like there's a piece missing. Whenever I see little kids outside, I think about how my life could have been different, had I been born here. Would I be happier? Would I finally be whole? Would I at least not feel like a stranger in my own city, in which I've lived in since first grade? Would people stop laughing at me anytime I mess up a word or my accent comes out? I just feel so small. I fee like I don't even have a right to have a home here. Like I'm a..well, an outsider. And people might say that it's ok that I mess up words sometimes, because everybody does! But I know it wouldn't have happened if I wasn't different. If I wasn't a foreigner.

It fucking sucks.

[dearthinkingoutloud]

If you liked this movie/book, you might also like... (pt. 1)

This concept are some of my favorite videos to watch on YouTube/BookTube (Youtube videos about books) or booktok (tiktoks about books), so I thought I would try my own version with some of the books and readings we discussed in class! In this post, I will recommend you, my viewers, a form of media based on some of the literature my class discussed this semester.

If you liked

Then you might also like...

I read the Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan in my senior year of high school as a choice novel and THOROUGHLY enjoyed it! The Joy Luck Club is a fictional story about 4 Chinese mothers who emigrate to San Francisco, meet, and become friends through a tradition of playing mahjong and telling stories about their past. The story is told from the many points of view of the mothers as well as their daughters growing up as first-generation Chinese-Americans. Similar to Speak Okinawa, the book tackles the complicated relationship between mothers and daughters of different backgrounds and generations as well as the distorted idea of fulfilling the "American Dream." 

Amy Tan does a wonderful job as depicting the struggle of navigating two different cultures as first-generation immigrant children and how this struggle can create a strain between the parent and child. In this instance, the mothers desperately want what is best for the daughters and constantly try to immerse them in their culture, but the daughters brush off their mothers' efforts complaining that it is overbearing. The daughters don't understand their mothers' sacrifices and the magnitude of their love until they grow up and experience hardships in adulthood. 

Elizabeth Miki Brina tells a similar story in her memoir, Speak, Okinawa, about her growing up as a second-generation immigrant of a white-American father and Okinawan mother. Along with this, her relationship with her mother suffers as Brina goes through the unfortunately common internalized racism amongst mixed-race children.

Both stories touch on the hardships that come with differing backgrounds between immigrant children and their parents as well as the relatable minority experience especially amongst Asian-Americans.

♡ dearthinkingoutloud

[21yearoldteenagegirl]

A 'Past Lives' review that would collapse the HuntNews style guide from another Asian immigrant who was also once brash and undeservedly unfazed about it all

(and one that you definitely have to have seen the movie + possess a lot of nuanced cultural understanding about the asian diaspora to understand cuz i didn't feel like getting into all that, but this is like 75% not written for news n i do what i want here)

Opening anything to do with writer-director Celine Song with a line from Nicole Kidman’s infamous AMC ad is probably some kind of anti-Asian hate crime. Still, I sat in the center of a Boston Common AMC theater and pledged allegiance to the Australian actress’s slam-poetry sermon that airs before every movie played by the world’s largest theater chain. “Heartbreak feels good in a place like this,” she reminds us — as long as that place is right in between gaudy cuts of “Jurassic World” (the Chris Pratt one) and “Wonder Woman” (the Gal Gadot one).

Heartbreak does not feel good in a place like Celine Song’s “Past Lives.”

“Past Lives” is a just-missed-it love story. On the surface, it’s an unexpectedly funny love triangle between two hot Asians and a white guy (emphasis on guy) for about eighty percent of the film’s beautiful, glorious 105-minute runtime (— seriously, normalize that). The other twenty is a long-form advertisement for Everlane and The Row.

You want Nora and Hae Sung (the two hot Asians in question, and childhood friends reunited decades after Nora’s family emigrated from Korea to the U.S.) to kiss when they reunite, even though you know they won’t. Then suddenly, you think Hae Sung and Arthur (the white guy in question, who Nora met then married) might kiss, just for shits and giggles. This is something Song plays with as soon as the film opens on the odd trio seated at a bar. “Who are they to each other?” a voice off-screen asks. The voice tries out different combinations. They only stop when Nora turns her head and looks directly into the camera.

My friends and I dropped $17 each — no early seat reservation fees because we used Miti’s parents’ AMC Stubs account, still too much money — to see this movie because we saw videos of other people heading in and coming out with mascara streaked all over their faces. It sounded like our kind of Thursday night. I thought the real sucker punch was going to be Nora’s relationship with Arthur. We rally against it casually, even though we know Nora will stay with him, that she doesn’t have a choice not to and even wants it for herself, probably. It’s a lighthearted hatred, the kind you reserve for cartoon villains and communal campus enemies.

“You dream in a language I can’t speak,” Authur tells Nora one night. He’s worried he’s holding her back. You are, my friends and I all willed silently at the screen. I’d had this exact conversation with my own white boyfriend before we broke up. As Arthur warmed up, I think my eyes rolled back into my head and I experienced the kind of out–of-body vertigo reserved for evangelical religious experiences. “You’re not,” Nora and I told them then.

In a way, “Past Lives” cares very little for half of its star-crossed lovers (or, it's bird and the branch it sat on one morning). The film is very much Nora’s story. Nora has a crush on Hae Sung as children. Nora’s family moves abroad. Nora doesn’t look back — until Hae Sung seeks her twenties self out on Facebook. Nora’s the one who has to relearn Hangul in order to keep up their long-distance correspondence, then she’s the one to break it off ahead of her heady writers’ retreat upstate. Sure, Hae Sung is the one who books a flight to New York a decade after the breakup of their vague relationship, but it’s how Nora feels about it that matters.

After all, “Past Lives” is an immigrant story, and Nora is the immigrant in question. Tragically, Arthur seems to be the only person clued into this veiled fact. He’s there, at a distance, when Nora says her final goodbye to Hae Sung and, by extension, to the life she could have had and the person she could — maybe was meant to — have been. And Arthur's ready, at the very end, when her body wracks into ugly sobs over it. I didn’t totally get why I burst into tears too.

Nora’s estranged entanglement with Hae Sung (the in-yun, 인연, of it all) was relatively steady. Calm and certain in the way tugging your own heart out of your chest and knowing it will hurt is, but calm nonetheless. My friends and I rooted against Arthur for a laugh, but we harbored no optimistic delusions about where the pair would end up: Hae Sung in Korea, Nora in New York. It was never going to work.

Later, when we left the theater, we joked about how many couples had come to see the movie — especially sets of that killer duo: the alt Asian girl and her Victorian-looking white boyfriend from Emerson. Surely, this wasn’t the kind of story you wanted to witness sitting next to your own Arthur; it had to be some kind of unwelcome cinematic classical conditioning. Right?

On the train home, we came to the same conclusion. People were crying over this? we’d wondered in our seats. “Past Lives” was almost delightfully humorous, if you could ignore the low gravity of pain thrumming below your pulse. Of course, with unearned confidence like Nora in our senses of self and place, we ate our unspoken words in the last ninety seconds of the film.

Nora landed squarely on her feet in the West as a child. Hae Sung made her look back, slowly first, then all at once, ha-ha. “Past Lives(excruciating)” is a short and bittersweet movie that busies itself with revealing to one born-there-raised-here Asian woman that she didn’t know there were things she should mourn.

I didn’t know either, and the heartbreak does not feel good.

[cenvast]

hi again! putting this under a cut

That's a super great point about Laios and Falin being racist towards the mountain people (also yeah wtf, why would they say that to Kabru?). Thank you for shedding light on that! I wish I knew about this extra comic before I wrote my meta post on Laios. I also agree that Laios leaving his village isn't better or worse for enacting societal change than Toshiro not leaving his household and that Laios' avoidance of humans, while understandable, is often a detriment to himself and others.

I absolutely respect that you and many other people have a more optimistic outlook than me on the story's conclusion! I love your observation about small moments having a large impact on characters, sometimes much later on in their lives. That's beautiful, and it aligns with the story' themes of quiet moments of connection being the most important for people. Like you said, the characters have their whole lives ahead of them, so they definitely could unlearn their biases. The story's conclusion is left open, so I see and appreciate where you're coming from with a small moment leading to Toshiro's growth on a sociopolitical level, even if isn't exactly my personal reading.

Also, I'd love to hear you expand on the cultural differences you've noted between Wa and the world's other locales, based on why each character ends up on the Island! That's super fascinating. I agree that there's so much rich potential for exploration from a cultural viewpoint. I am indeed Asian American, so I'm admittedly partial to comparing and contrasting Kabru, Rin, and Toshiro's (and I'd love to give more thought to his retainers and Namari as well) different experiences as Asian people on the Island, since they have such different motives for being on the Island and varied origins as you brought up!

Kabru and Rin are refugees, who were raised by their colonizers. I personally see the western elves as a western colonial power, which destroys Indigenous populations and systems of governance and leaves them in shambles (Utaya) or sets up puppet governments (the Island). Kabru and Rin are on the Island to neutralize dungeons and minimize elven involvement. Essentially, their goal is to offset the power imbalances between short- and long-lived races by sealing dungeons and thereby reduce the opportunities for the elves to seize more power and land. As you said, their socially conscious motivations are vastly different than Toshiro's motivation for being on the Island. It's cool because their experiences parallel the real life diversity in immigrants' and refugees' motivations and experiences in the West. (I also think these two might be Toshiro's best bet for becoming more socially conscious, which is why their friendship is very important to me.)

We aren't really told why Rin's parents fled the East, but since Toshiro says there's constant fighting going on in the Archipelago, it's safe to assume that her parents were fleeing armed conflict. Their island was probably invaded by the surrounding ones (maybe even Wa?). Wa likely is more stable than Rin's homeland, so Toshiro would have far less political motivation to leave his homeland and make the Island or Melini his permanent home. He sort of feels like a wealthy heir studying abroad for a year or two while Rin and Kabru are on the Island out of more necessity. But even though their backgrounds are so different, all three of them still experience the same racism (dot dot dot), but more positively, they can all bond over being Asian and learn from each other!

As you touched on, definitely being Asian is part of why I particularly enjoy Toshiro's character. It's honestly still rare to have Asian characters be central to stories that aren't set in Asia. Also, media produced in Asia rarely tackles the experience of being Asian in mostly white locales, like DunMeshi does, and especially not from so many different perspectives, so that's been very fun to see and explore further with the fandom!

"Toshiro Is Sexist," "Toshiro Owns Slaves": What's Really Going on With This Guy?

I've seen a lot of debate on whether or not Toshiro is problematic because he's a slave owner or because he's sexist in the context of his crush on Falin. While I do want to examine his relationship to Falin, I'd like to take a few steps back and unpack his upbringing first. We'll dive into the gender and class dynamics he was raised with and how it impacts his behavior in the main storyline.

Like all people, Toshiro is shaped by the environment he grew up in. Toshitsugu, Toshiro's father and the head of the Nakamoto clan, is the most impactful model of authority and manhood in his life. Toshiro does recognize some of his father's flaws and tries to avoid replicating them. But whether or not he emulates or subverts his father's behavior, Toshitsugu is often the starting point for Toshiro's treatment of others, particularly marginalized people.

The Nakamoto clan exists under a patriarchal hierarchy with Toshitsugu at the top. As noted by @fumifooms in their Nakamoto household post, his wife has more authority than Maizuru. She's able to ban Maizuru from parts of their residence, but despite disliking his infidelity, she can't divorce him or stop him from cheating on her. Their marriage is not an equal partnership.

On an interpersonal level, Toshitsugu and Maizuru also have a fraught relationship. While she does seem to care for him, she's often frustrated by his thoughtless behavior.

For example, he drunkenly buys Izutsumi for her — without considering how she'll have to raise this child — and invades her room in the middle of the night. When he cryptically says, "It's all my fault," she replies, "I can think of a lot of things that are your fault." She calls him an "idiot" and "believes that [Toshiro] will grow up to be a better clan leader than his father," implying that she takes issue with Toshitsugu's leadership.

Because Maizuru and Toshitsugu are described as being "in an intimate relationship" and "seem[ing] to be lovers," Maizuru appears to be a consensual participant. Still, this doesn't negate the large power imbalance between them as a male noble clan leader and his female retainer. This imbalance introduces an insidious undertone to Maizuru's frustration with Toshitsugu. Like Toshiro's mother, Maizuru doesn't have the agency to do as she pleases in their relationship; he has the ultimate authority. For instance, she doesn't seem to want to raise Izutsumi, but she has to anyway.

While Maizuru's role as Toshitsugu's mistress is significant, she's also the Nakamoto clan's teacher and Toshiro's primary maternal figure. She cares deeply for Toshiro: tailing him, feeding him, and taking responsibility even for his actions as an adult. While it might seem sweet that she cares for him like a son at first, Maizuru was notably fifteen years old at the time of his birth. In the extra comic below, he's six years old and has already been in her care for some time. Even if we're being generous and assuming that she didn't start raising him until he was six, she was still only twenty-one at the time she was parenting her boss/lover's child with another woman.

Maizuru's roles as mistress and maternal figure, in addition to her role as retainer, demonstrate the intersection between gendered and class oppression in the Nakamoto household. Despite her original role being a retainer trained in espionage, Toshitsugu presses her into performing gendered labor for him and eventually, Toshiro. She's expected to be Toshitsugu's lover, perform emotional labor for him as his confidant, care for his child, and carry out domestic tasks like cooking. She says, "Even during missions, I was often dragged into the kitchen." If she was a male servant, I doubt she would have been expected to perform these additional tasks. She can't avoid these tasks either, stating that her "own feelings don't factor into it."

Toshitsugu disregards his wife's and Maizuru's desires and emotions to serve his own interests. Because he has societal power over them as a nobleman and in Maizuru's case, her master, neither woman can escape their position in the household hierarchy.

As a result, Toshiro grew up within a structure where men and male nobility, in particular, wield the most societal power. The hierarchical nature of his household and society discourages everyone, including him as a clan leader's eldest son, from questioning and disrupting the existing hierarchy.

The other Nakamoto household members also internalize its sexist, classist power dynamics.

For example, Hien expects that she and Toshiro will replicate the uneven dynamics of the previous generation, regardless of her personal feelings. She sees her and Toshiro's relationship as paralleling Maizuru and Toshitsugu's relationship; she is the closest woman to Toshiro and his retainer, so she's shocked when Toshiro doesn't attempt to begin an intimate relationship with her. Notably, she doesn't have actual feelings for him. Her expectations are centered around the household's precedent of placing emotional, sexual, domestic, and child-rearing labor onto the female servants without any regard for their personal desires.

Hien also probably knows that her position in the household will improve if she is Toshiro's lover because she's seen it improve Maizuru's position. However, the fact that being the future clan leader's lover is the closest proximity she, as a female servant, has to power further reveals the gendered, class-based oppression she and the other women live under.

It's important to note that the Nakamoto clan bought Benichidori, Izutsumi, and Inutade as slaves, so they have less power and agency than Maizuru and Hien. The clan further dehumanizes Izutsumi and Inutade as demi-humans; their enslavement contains an additional layer of racialization.

Toshiro isn't oblivious to the gendered, class, and racial power dynamics of his household. He tries to distance himself from participating in its exploitative power structure. He walls himself off from Hien, who he's known since childhood, to avoid replicating his father's behavior and making his servant into his lover. He disapproves of his father's enslavement of Izutsumi and Inutade, and he lets Izutsumi go when she runs away in the Dungeon.

But does any of this absolve him of his complicity in his household's sexist, classist power dynamics and racialized slavery?

The short answer is absolutely not.

Despite his distaste for his father's exploitation of his servants and slaves, Toshiro still uses them. He refers to his party as "his retainers," and he has them fight and perform domestic tasks for him. You could argue that Toshiro doesn't like to and thus, doesn't regularly use his servants and slaves. In the context of him asking his retainers to help him rescue Falin, Maizuru says, "The only time he ever made any sort of personal request was for this task." But it shouldn't matter whether exploitation is a regular occurrence or not for it to be considered harmful. Toshiro asking Maizuru to cook him a meal still constitutes asking his female servant to perform gendered labor for him. He's also very accustomed to her grooming and dressing him.

Maizuru sees feeding, washing, and even advising Toshiro romantically as fulfilling Toshitsugu's orders to care for his son. They aren't fulfilling a "personal request." But just because her labor has been deemed expected and thereby devalued doesn't mean that it isn't labor or that she isn't performing it.

Maizuru's dynamic with Toshiro is also complicated by her role as his maternal figure. She loves him and wants to take care of him, and she doesn't have a choice in the matter. During Toshiro's childhood, the onus was on Toshitsugu to cease exploiting his lover and release her from servitude, but Toshiro is now an adult man. Seeing as how Maizuru defers to his wishes and calls him "Young Master," they still have a power imbalance that he's passively maintaining. Ideally, he would not ask anything of her until he has the authority to release her from servitude.

Throughout the story, Toshiro acts as if he has no agency and quietly disapproving of his father's actions absolves him of his participation in maintaining oppressive dynamics. While his father still ranks higher than him, he's essentially his father's heir. He has much more power than Maizuru, the highest-ranked servant. At the very least, he could leave his slave-owning household.

Unfortunately, his refusal to confront injustice is consistent with his character's major flaw: he does not express his opinions, desires, or needs. While this character trait obviously hurts his friendships, it also furthers his complicity in the injustices his household runs on.

Toshiro's relationship with eating food — the prevailing metaphor of the series — also parallels his relationship with confronting injustice. Maizuru mentions that he was a sickly child, so the act of eating may have been physically uncomfortable for him. As an adult, his refusal to eat crops up during his rescue attempt of Falin. Denying himself food might have been punishment for not accomplishing important tasks like rescuing Falin and/or a way to maintain control over something in his life when he felt like he'd lost control over the rest of it, again in the context of losing Falin. (Note: I suggest reading this post on Toshiro's disordered eating by @malaierba.)

But he cannot and does not avoid consuming food forever.

Similarly, Toshiro keeps his distance from his retainers and tries not to use them until the Falin situation occurs. His efforts to avoid exploiting his retainers amount to inaction — things he doesn't ask of them or do to them. But his inaction does nothing to dismantle the existing hierarchy that places his retainers under his authority, denies them agency, and often marginalizes them as not only servants or slaves but as women, and he ends up using them as servants and slaves anyways.

Returning to the narrative's themes of consumption, Toshiro cannot avoid eating just as he cannot avoid perpetuating the exploitative system of his household. The Nakamoto clan consumes the labor and personhood of those lower in the hierarchy. The retainers' labor as spies and domestic servants is the foundation of the clan's existence. Thus, the clan consumes their labor to sustain itself.

Within this hierarchy, the retainers' personhood is also consumed and erased. As Izutsumi describes, they are given different names and stripped of their agency to reject orders or leave. Maizuru and Hien also say their feelings are irrelevant in the context of Toshitsugu's and Toshiro's wants and needs. Both women are expected to comply with whatever is most beneficial and comfortable for the noblemen. Clearly, despite Toshiro's detachment from his household's functions, these social structures remain in place and harm the women under him.

Although we know the Nakamoto clan has male retainers, the choice to highlight the female retainers seems intentional. We're asked to interrogate how not only being a servant or a slave in a noble household impacts a person's life and agency, but how being a woman intersects with being a member of some of the lowest social classes.

Toshiro only distances himself from his father's behaviors of infidelity and exploitation so long as it doesn't take Toshiro out of his comfort zone. He doesn't free his slaves. He's far too comfortable with his female retainers performing domestic labor for him, and he barely acknowledges their efforts; they're shocked when he thanks them for helping him save Falin. He hasn't unpacked his sexist (or classist or racist) biases because he perpetuates his household's oppressive hierarchy throughout the narrative. Considering all of this, he inevitably brings this baggage to his interactions with Falin.

Falin is presumably one of the first women he's had extended contact with that isn't his relative or his family's servant. Because of his trauma surrounding his father and Maizuru sleeping together, he understandably falls for a woman as disconnected as possible from his father and his clan. He seems to genuinely like Falin, respects her boundaries, and graciously accepts her rejection. His behavior towards her is overall kind and unproblematic.

But if Falin had gone with him, she would've likely been devalued and sidelined like the other women of the Nakamoto household. No matter how much he loves Falin, simply loving her cannot replace the difficult work of unlearning his sexism. Love, of course, can and should be accompanied by that work, but by the close of the narrative, we gain little indication that Toshiro acknowledges or seeks to end his part in exploiting and devaluing women and other marginalized people.

A spark of hope does exist. Toshiro expressing his feelings to Laios and Falin suggests that his time away from home has encouraged him to speak up more. Breaking his habit of avoidance may be the first step towards acknowledging his complicity in systems of injustice and moving towards dismantling them.

Special thanks to my very smart friend @atialeague for bringing up Toshitsugu's relationship with Maizuru and the replication of dynamics of consumption and class! <3

[time-to-write-and-suffer]

Let’s talk about #swedengate

Hi.

I’m here to give my two cents about the current meme going around about Swedish families not feeding their guests, particularly children who come over to play with their kids.

My initial reaction to this meme was “Wow, out of all the things to roast Sweden for, the Americans picked the thing that’s untrue? Guess they’re just happy that the world isn’t making fun of them for a change.” But then I gave it some thought, and actual Swedes, that I actually know and can confirm are Swedish, said that the memes are true, while others said they were bullshit, including my own initial reaction. So then I thought back to my childhood, and realized that hey, there’s some nuance here. But it’s more complicated than “Swedes are evil and racist and classist and don’t give people food because they hate intimacy and love and joy” and “Swedes are wonderful and perfect and super generous and actually Americans stfu you don’t even take your shoes off inside.”

This is about Culture TM.

So what are my credentials? Well, I don’t have any. I took some basic sociology and ethnicity and culture classes and now I pretend I know things. However, I have something more important than that: 1) I’ve lived in Sweden for two thirds of my life 2) I’m a zillennial so my experiences are probably still relevant and 3) I’m an immigrant from a working class family. My perception of Swedish customs is not colored by patriotism, and I can compare them to the culture of my birth country.

Feel free to ask for clarifications and details and such, but be civil. Svenskar är välkomna att dela med sig av sina erfarenheter, men bara om du är normal, okej?

So here are my, I think fairly unbiased but informed, thoughts.

First of all: yes, Swedish families will feed the kids who come over. However:

Sometimes they won’t :)

A common experience for me was that the parents would ask if I would join, then ask for dietary restrictions and potentially whether what they were making was okay. Sometimes they’d adjust the food accordingly. Back when I was still Muslim, I remember the parents of my then-bestie got visibly upset when I said I’d be going home instead of eating with them, because they’d made chicken instead of pork for my sake. Now, I was always shy and socially anxious, but this was partly informed by the Swedish culture surrounding food and particularly family dinners. I’ll get there, though.

While many of my experiences coming over to friends’ houses included having dinner with the family, I do remember many a time where I've had to wait alone in their room for my friend to be done eating with their family. This is, to an outsider (especially one with different cultural upbringings) very strange and seems maybe draconian in some way. I want to figure out why that is, because to me, it’s awkward but pretty normal.

It should be noted that I was never forced to sit alone and starve, nor that parents will just lock children who aren’t their own in a room to contain them while they gorge themselves on meatballs and surströmming, but rather that this was the result of many different factors.

From what I’ve seen, it could be no-food is more common among city folks than country bumpkins. I grew up in smaller towns, because that’s where immigrants get punted due to the expensive living in the cities, and people there were pretty willing to feed you.

I could also argue that the household’s class has an influence on whether you get fed or not. I remember that I never once shared a meal with my one Swedish friend who was lower-class (she lived in an apartment like the immigrant kids in the town, versus all the other Swedes who had their own houses in the suburbs). I also never once ate at very wealthy kids’ houses, either. So lower class people won’t feed you because they can’t afford it, while upper class people won’t feed you because they’re assholes. This leaves that middle-class families tend to be the most likely ones to feed you, which is my own experience. This is anecdotal and heavily misremembered evidence, but still interesting to think about.

To me, the two things that determine whether you get fed are the family’s own attitude and how well you know them. A lot of families will just assume you’re staying to eat, and won’t even ask or have the kids ask you, because they’re just like that. They’re peppy, they’re friendly, they’re fun. Sometimes they’ll ask about dietary restrictions and might even make you something separate if it turns out you can’t eat what they have.

But the second factor is the main one I want to talk about. You see, Swedes are socially awkward. Or at least, they’re deeply uncomfortable with strangers. They avoid eye contact on public transport, they don’t strike up conversations with random people, and they stand 10 feet away from each other on the bus stop. So when people from other cultures say sharing food is a sort of social bonding exercise, a type of intimacy, is it really a surprise that Swedes are hesitant to participate?

Those families that will feed you? More often than not, the parents will ask you, or ask their children to ask you, whether you’ll stay for food. And due to how Sweden tells you to be polite and unassuming, it’s generally seen as more polite to decline. Some parents will try to convince you, but a some won’t. So if you’re not going home to eat and want to resume playtime later, you’re waiting.

And you, raised in a different culture, might think, “Wow, this is messed up! How do you put that responsibility on children? Just feed them!” But the question isn’t really about that. A Swedish parent isn’t thinking “Am I morally obligated, as an adult, to feed every child that shows up on my doorstep?” They’re thinking: “What if they can’t eat this? What if they don’t like it? I’m not gonna assume they’ll want to eat what I made, that’s rude! What if I make them uncomfortable by making them eat? What if they’re too shy to refuse and eat something they shouldn’t? What if they ate already and simply don’t want to? What if they want to eat with their family at home instead of with us?” Assuming that the child 1) can eat what you made 2) wants to eat what you made 3) wants to share this meal with you, would be rude. It’s easier to ask, and if they say no, you respect that decision. You treat that child as an individual making their own decisions, not as a nebulous little creature you must feed simply because you’re the one making the food.

I’m not arguing pro or con, I’m explaining the mindset.

There’s also another, final layer to this smörgåstårta How do we define a meal? How do we share food, what’s for everyone and what’s for the family only?

You see, Swedish families have a focus on family dinner. Kids get down and eat together with their parents. It’s the norm. It’s the time to share what’s happened and gossip about people they know. Based on the reactions I’ve seen, this isn’t the case in other places. Dinner isn’t something reserved for the family, but something to be shared with others. That’s fine. But it’s different. So when strangers come by, it’s awkward for the average Swede. So they ask, “Are you eating here? Are you sharing this with us?” And you, a small Swedish child, just as aware of the intimacy of the moment because you do this very thing at home, do the quick assessment of whether it’s rude to intrude, whether you’re close enough to this family to say yes, whether you’re comfortable sharing this with them instead of with your own family at home, and come to a conclusion, “No, thank you.” But you’re not gonna leave just because they’re eating, that would be weird! And you want to keep playing later. So you wait.

EDIT: I forgot another small factor that others have pointed out, and it’s that whether you join people for dinner also depends on how long you’re staying. Like if you’re sleeping over at a friend’s house, then it’s obvious you’ll get fed. One family that I was very close with as a kid even let me join in on movie nights, sitting on the couch with blankets and eating snacks together. It was very good and chill, but that’s a level up over just joining them for dinner. High level play, not recommended for beginners.

You know what’s the most common way that Swedish family will feed kids that aren’t their own? They’ll make the food and then set it on the kitchen counter and shout “Food’s ready!” And then you and your friend go downstairs, put food on your plates, and haul it back to their room. That’s the most consistent way you get fed as a kid in a Swedish house. When the expectation isn’t “join us for dinner,” it’s a lot more casual and, seemingly, inviting. It also bypasses the need to ask whether the kid will be joining or not: they can simply take the food if they want to or not if they don’t. But it doesn’t have the same vibe to a lot of Americans, because it doesn’t happen around a big jolly table. But the big jolly table is for family only. Are you close enough to this family yet? Are the parents cheery enough to make it inviting? Can you eat what they’re offering? Do you want to? Do you have a dinner waiting at home in just an hour and it’s food you really like versus the food you don’t like here?

It’s about politeness, really. It’s polite of the parent to ask, and it’s polite of the child to decline. That might be fucked up to an outsider, and many an essay can be written about this, I’m sure, but in the end, it’s not really malicious. It’s just culture and socialization.

In Russia, it’s expected to bring something when you visit someone. If you’re gonna eat there, you bring something to eat as well. Swedes just fucking hate that. Well not really, but they don’t get it, and it makes them uncomfortable. I know because I’ve delivered many a weird gift my mom sent me with to many a baffled and embarrassed Swedish parent who didn’t know how to react. It’s just not done that way here. So it’s not always about being a cheapskate or a snob, nor is it about racism or classism. (For the record, any Swedish family who’s racist enough not to offer a kid food just because they’re a PoC is already racist enough to not let that kid into their house in the first place, which I feel is pretty obvious but idk people are dumb I guess.)

There’s a lot of layers to this. And it comes down to not being evil or racist or hating fun and joy and the spiritual purity of food sharing or whatever the fuck. Sure, there are assholes who tell you to leave before dinner or won’t feed you ever, but they’re the exception, not the rule. It’s mostly about how fucking awkward Swedes are and how even adults can’t usually handle it in a normal way.

That’s not to say that Sweden and Swedes aren’t racist, they very much are. Think of Sweden less as a socialist utopia and more of a wannabe America. It’s a capitalist state slowly being turned further and further right by the neo-Nazis in its government. It has a deeply troubled history with eugenics, genocide, and general racism, and is currently a very segregated society both in terms of class and ethnicity. It pretends to be all about personal freedoms and progress while anyone darker than a vanilla wafer is, generally, fucked. It’s like a white gay’s utopia, but only the type of white gay who’s the target audience of all those rainbow profile pics the corporations switch to in June.

What I’m trying to say is that the food thing has a lot of different layers, not all of which relate to and include the darker parts of Sweden’s past and existence.

If you do want to make fun of something food-related in Sweden that’s actually mildly racist and problematic, go ahead and laugh about how the most popular foods in Sweden that many Swedes consider to be “Swedish food staples” are actually imported and refined by immigrants. That includes tacos, kebab, pizza, etc. Traditional Swedish food is, in general, pretty garbage. Just some of the whitest, saltiest meat you can put on the world’s hardest piece of flat stone some might call bread. And there’s inexplicable jam everywhere. Will defend IKEA’s meatballs with my life though.

So um anyway. That’s that on that, I guess! And again, none of this is scientific or backed up by anything. These are just my thoughts and experiences. Hope it helps y’all decide whether this meme is funny or not <3

[revenge-of-the-shit]

Writing Chinese characters set within Western worlds

If you don’t want to read it on tumblr, go check this out on medium or go follow me on instagram at @annessarose_writes!

Alright. You know what. I’ve seen plenty of stereotypes in fiction (and in social media) that are so incredibly pervasive I’ve seen many Chinese people within the western world internalize it themselves. So here’s a rough guide on writing Chinese characters in an English-speaking Western setting, written by me, a Chinese Canadian woman.

If you’re here to say something racist fuck off. Otherwise, welcome! This is not a comprehensive guide by any means. This is merely a brief overview based on my own experiences. My experience (as someone in North America) will differ from someone living in, say, Europe or South America. I’m not representative of every Chinese person because everyone’s experience is unique. So here were are.

1. Our names

Chinese names are usually written as follows: [family name] [name]. Let’s take a Canadian historical figure as an example: 黃寬先. In Chinese, it’s pronounced “Wong Foon Sien.” On Canadian documents — which are written [First name] [Last name], he’d be called “Foon Sien Wong.” He went by “Foon Sien” for most of his life. That’s his full “first name.” Nobody would call him Foon because that’s just half of his name (unless given permission). It’d be like meeting a stranger called Alex and calling them “Al” right off the bat. Sure, they could go by Al, but you don’t know that.

For those of us living in the Western world, some of us have both a Chinese name and an English name. In these cases, our Chinese name becomes our middle name in English (e.g. a character could be called John Heen-Gwong Lee).

For some people who immigrated to the Western world but were born in China, their legal name would be their Chinese name. Some choose to keep that name. Some choose an English name as their “preferred” name but keep their Chinese name on legal documents. It varies.

2. Parents & Stereotypes

There’s two stereotypes which are so pervasive I see it being used over and over in jokes even within Chinese (and, to a larger extent, asian) communities:

The [abusive] tiger mom and the meek/absent dad

Both parents are unreasonably strict/abusive and they suck

I have yet to see any fiction stories with Chinese parents where they’re depicted as kind/loving/supportive/understanding (if you have recommendations — please do send them my way). Not all Chinese parents are tiger parents. Chinese parents — like all parents — are human. Good god. YES, they’re human! YES, they have flaws! YES, they are influenced by the culture they grew up in!

That isn’t to say there aren’t parents like those tropes. There are. I know this because I grew up in a predominantly Chinese community where I had many a friend’s parent who was like this. Parents who compare their kids to the best kid in class. Parents who force kids into private lessons and competitions that the kid despises because the parents think it’s for the best. Parents who have literally called their kid a disappointment because they didn’t get 100%.

But please, also consider: there’s parents who support their child’s goals and who listen. Not all parents force their kid into the stereotypical trifecta of lawyer/doctor/engineer — I know of a good number who support their child in choosing the path they want. There’s parents who make mistakes and learn and try their best to support their child. So please, for the love of god, if you write a Chinese character, don’t reduce their parents to stereotypes.

3. Language & Learning

When I first read The Son of Neptune by Rick Riordan, I was so excited to see a Chinese Canadian character in Frank Zhang. Finally, there was someone like me. Finally, there was representation in well-known western media.

While I do appreciate that RR added in Frank Zhang, it’s pretty obvious that he didn’t really know how to write a Chinese Canadian character. One of the most glaring examples: in The Son of Neptune, Frank reveals he can’t really read Chinese. In like, the next book (I think — it’s been a while since I read it), Frank is suddenly able to read Chinese because he “learned” it in two week’s time.

Nope. Nuh-uh. Learning Chinese is a pain, let me tell you. There’s thousands of different characters and it is something you need to devote a lot of time to learning (especially if you’re progressed past the best childhood years for learning a language). So if you’re writing about a Chinese character living in the western world, here’s what you need to know:

A character who was born and raised in the western world does not necessarily know how to read/write in Chinese.

If they were raised by their own family, the character would very likely know how to speak their own dialect. They’d be able to understand the language used in movies/TV and they sound like a native speaker, but they may not know how to use language outside of certain contexts (the term for this is heritage speaker).

They probably went to Chinese school. They probably hated it. Chinese school is usually universally hated and does not teach you jack shit other than a hatred for the place and a vague memory of learning how to read the language without actually retaining knowledge of what you learned.

Most of my friends who know how to read/write in Chinese learned from tutors, parents, or were born in China.

There’s two main types of written Chinese: Traditional (used by Cantonese speakers) and Simplified (used by Mandarin speakers).

There are MANY other dialects (which I don’t know much about). The most common ones are Mandarin (usually spoken by people from the mainland), then Cantonese (usually spoken by people from Hong Kong).

4. Fitting into the community

Usually, the story is one of two things: they’re the only Asian kid in the entire school, or they grew up in a predominantly East Asian community. Things to consider for both of these when you’re writing:

Growing up the only Asian kid

They’re “that Asian kid.” They’re different. They walk into a class and feel weird and out of place.

They bring food from home (usually ethnic cuisine) to school. Other classmates stare at it, make fun of it, demand what that strange food is.

“Where are you from?” “Here.” “No, like, where are you really from?”

“Your name is funny.”

People literally never getting the character’s name right.

And that horrible, horrible feeling: wishing that they were white so they could avoid all of this.

Growing up in a predominantly East Asian community

It’s not uncommon for Chinese cuisine to mix with other east Asian cuisines. For special occasions (or just for a casual night out), your character could very well go out to get some sushi, or go for some KBBQ, or get some Vietnamese noodles.

Screaming “AIYAA” at/with their friends unironically if they’re annoyed (I’ve done this a lot with Cantonese friends. Less so with Mandarin friends).

Slipping into Chinese for like, two words, during a mostly-English conversation to talk about food or some other topic that can’t be adequately conveyed in English.

Reading books by white authors and learning about white history and growing up thinking white names, white books, and white history is the norm and standard even though the community is surrounded by East Asian people.

When the character leaves this community, there’s a brief culture shock when they realize how sheltered they’ve been.

Things in common for both of these:

The character has grown up on ethnic cuisine. Yes, Chinese people do eat rice with many of our meals. Yes, boba (bubble) tea is extremely popular. No, rice isn’t the only thing we eat. No, not all Chinese people love boba (though as a Chinese person I admit this sounds sacrilegious to say…)

The character likely grew up watching film/TVthat originates from East Asia. It’s not uncommon to watch Studio Ghibli films. It’s not uncommon to watch Japanese or Korean shows with canto/mando dub (examples: Ultraman, Kamen Rider). If you want to see a classic Chinese film from Hong Kong that’s fucking hilarious, watch Kung Fu Hustle.

The character has felt or been told that they’re “too westernized to be Chinese, but too Chinese to fit into the western world.” They’re torn between the two.

5. General portrayal

It’s quite simple, really. We’re human. We’re regular people. We have regular hobbies like all people do. We’re good at some subjects and bad at others. We have likes and dislikes like all people do. So here’s a list of stereotypes you can avoid.

STEREOTYPES TO AVOID BECAUSE WE’RE REGULAR HUMANS AND WE DON’T FIT INTO A SINGLE COOKIE CUTTER SHAPE, DAMMIT.

The character is a maths whiz and perfect at all things STEM.

The character is a straight-A+ gifted/IB/AP student.

The character is the next coming of Mozart and is amazing at piano/violin.

The character’s free time is spent only studying.

The character is insanely good at martial arts.

The character is either meek and submissive or an explosive, dangerous force.

I’m not going to mention the other stereotypes. You know, those ones. The really obvious ones that make fun of and demonize (sometimes through multiple untruths) how we look and how we live our lives. You should know.

Of course, there are people who fit into one or more of these. That’s not the point. The point is: molding all Chinese characters to these stereotypes (which white media tends to do) is harmful and reductionist. We’re more than stereotypes.

—

6. Conclusion

We need more diversity in portrayal of Chinese characters. Reducing us into one-dimensional caricatures has done nothing but harm us — look at what’s happening now. This guide is by no means comprehensive, but I hope it has helped you by providing a quick overview.

If you want to accurately portray Chinese characters, do your research. Read Chinese fiction. Watch Chinese films/TV. Initiate a conversation with the community. Portray us accurately. Quit turning us into caricatures.

[spacelazarwolf]

yes!!

when i look back at my family history on my dad's side, it's fascinating to see how each generation was treated differently. my bisnonna was brown. looking at pictures of her, even today she would unequivocally be considered a poc. her family had trouble immigrating to the us because the us had passed restrictions on immigration from southern italy and sicily, and were legally considered not white. my nonna had mixed experiences. she and her family lived in california, so they were often mistaken for latine. i didn't realize until i grew up that the way she was treated was very different from the way my grandma (norwegian and german) was treated. notably, she had more trouble at the airport. one time they took her fucking eyelash curler. she was 80 years old and 5 feet tall what the fuck was she gonna do with an eyelash curler?

my dad was also often mistaken for latine growing up, but when we moved to rural missouri when i was a kid people started assuming middle eastern (more correct). again, i didn't notice until i was older the way people treated my dad just that little bit differently than my (blonde haired blue eyed) mom. when i was a kid, i would stay outside for hours and my skin would get very dark. people would ask me if i "had a little indian [native american] in me" and my parents would laugh about it. in school, people were obsessed with my friend's ski slope nose and went on about how it was the "perfect nose." after that, i started sitting in class and rubbing my finger over the bump in my nose. i avoided taking any pictures from the side. i thought about getting a nose job when i was older.

now, i don't go outside much, not nearly as often as when i was a kid, so i don't get very tan. but this summer i worked at a camp for two weeks and got several shades darker. i didn't think much of it until i went to the gas station in my bukharian kippah (for gentiles who don't know looks like this. the style is not like ashkenazi style kippot, and is noticeably very Not Western) and a man stared me down so intensely that i just got in my car and left without getting gas.

could i just avoid going out in the sun, not wear my larger less western looking kippot or just not wear kippot at all, and try my best to blend in? yeah. i choose not to, because i want to celebrate my culture, but that choice comes with a bizarre sort of racialization that's hard to explain and easy to dismiss.

I’m really glad you added that addition to the European racism post because like I didn’t feel comfortable pointing out that aspect of antisemitism being a racialized thing in Europe. I also sometimes feel while it’s not really racialized here in America in the same way it still kind of is. The minute people find out I’m Jewish they treat me different a lot of times. Especially white gentile leftists. I feel othered and just idk I still think it’s racialized in America some too. It’s different than what bipoc people go through I know

definitely. there's this weird phenomenon where progressive gentiles* get like weirdly pissed off when they encounter jews whose physical and cultural features** don't qualify them as Not White under us standards of race but also don't look like what ppl think white ppl are supposed to look like either. they can't figure out what box we're supposed to be in, so they can't figure out how they're supposed to treat us, how important our voice is supposed to be, what we're allowed to talk abt, etc. i see it a lot with mixed and light skinned gentiles too, and it gets even more complicated for mixed jews.

we're not racialized the same way a lot of european jews are where it's like "we are assigning you to this category of Non Aryan Race", but i would argue we are definitely racialized in a sense of "we assumed jews were supposed to be white, but you're not fitting in that box and you're also not fitting in the poc box so we have no clue how the fuck to treat you" so we get treated as this bizarre schrodinger's white where society sees that we are Cultural Other or we just don't quite look white enough and then treats us accordingly, but if we try to talk about that then we get "shut up ur white!!!" and like, that's not to say that jews who can pass as white never experience privilege or conditional safety because of that, or that because of our complicated relationship with racialization that we can't perpetuate racism ourselves (we very much can, talk to a jew of color). but this socially assigned racial ambiguity makes it very difficult for a lot of us to be part of the current conversation about race in the us because people just do not know what the fuck to do with us and it freaks them out.

*i've experienced this from nonwhite gentiles but the vast majority of the time it's from white gentiles. **might make a post on what i mean by this later???

[transenbyconfessions]

cw: internalized(?) racism, possible misuse of labels/racial terms (I don't....usually participate in these kinds of conversations, so I don't really know what these labels mean.)

I'm a demiguy / non-binary man (I use those labels interchangeably for myself) and my racial/ethnic background is... complicated. I've never thought about it much before because 1) I'm half Caucasian/half east asian and from the U.S.A., so I am fairly at risk for internalizing racism; I'm hardly ever treated differently for my skin color so I do experience the full effect of white privilege and all that, and racial issues just kind of recede to the back of my mind. I try my best to be respectful and I would never be actively prejudiced on purpose towards someone of different ethnicity or culture from me, but I worry sometimes. And then there's 2) the fact that because my background is so complicated, I've never had that moment where you look at other people or characters in media and go "hey, that's like me!" with regards to what I look like or my culture. I spent a lot of my childhood growing up in a South American (hispanic?) country. As a result, my first language is English but I also speak Spanish at like, a child-like fluency (I tested into a fairly low-level Spanish class because I didn't know words like "razor," "beard," or "taxes"). I stayed in contact with my old U.S. American friends via online communication like email, Skype, and chat websites, so I still pretty much lived in U.S. American culture, and conceptualized myself as white. Except the parent that isn't Caucasian is actually a first generation immigrant from an east Asian country; but they also grew up away from their birth country! They grew up in Iran and Paraguay mostly, before moving to the U.S. for college. So while I'm technically half Asian, the culture I grew up with was mostly a mix of various South American cultures, and other cultures my parents grew up with (my Caucasian parent lived for a long time in central Africa, so they aren't exactly your typical white person either).

I guess the point is... I always feel like I look wrong, because I don't deal with racism in my day to day and am treated as white, but when I look at white trans representation, they don't Look Like Me. and simultaneously, I feel like I can't fit in with east asian cultures, because most of my culture that I grew up with is Hispanic(?) and bits and pieces of places my parents grew up. So if I turned to Asian representation, it would feel like I'm fetishizing them, because I just don't have that connection to their culture. But I don't really look Hispanic and I don't really look white, so I'm just in this sort of....weird, ignorant, and unrepresented limbo. I kind of just wish that there were more representation for people whose genetics don't align with their culture. Everything mainstream I've seen for that so far comes off like cultural appropriation or like tokenizing.

i just...i want to start actually delving into caring about race and culture, partially because I think it will give me better expectations for my body, but it feels so overwhelming and daunting when there isn't really much mention of people with this degree of separation between the two.

i guess if anyone who bothered to read this wants to recommend a culture-is blog or other online community to follow for this, it would be really appreciated. i have notifications on for this blog, so if this confession is posted, i'll probably see any replies.