#//just lost and she didn't know how to connect with her son

[really-fanny-longbottom]

only in my dreams [part two]

summary: you turned off your emotions so you could protect your heart but at what price?

warnings: angst, mentions of unrequited love, curse words, blood and death.

pairings: azriel x reader

words: 8.9k

morning was here. 

you left emerie's house when the first rays of sunlight passed through the half-open bedroom window. 

your friends were still sound asleep when you pushed away their arms that tried to offer you some comfort during the night and got out of bed. 

you had no intention in waiting for them to wake up and having to talk about what had happened just a few hours ago. 

so you quickly changed your clothes and placed the backpack you had brought with you over your left shoulder.  

you didn't bother looking back when you left the room.

the front door closed behind you, and you found yourself facing the sun that was almost reaching its usual place in the blue sky. 

sunrise has always been your favorite part of the day.  

not only for the view, but also for its meaning — every time the sun rises, a new day comes with it, a new day that seems like a new blank page giving you a new opportunity to do your best and let go of the past on the day that was left behind. 

besides, being a healer meant that your day always started early, so why not start it with the best view ever?

when you lived with your aunt madja, you would go to the bridge over the sidra and sit on the wall and when you moved to the house of the wind you would go to your balcony and do the same.

you would close your eyes and tilt your head slightly upwards and immediately relax with the sunlight passing through your body and warming not only your skin but also your soul.

you don't know if it was because you're an empath but you've always felt a connection with the sun, as if you could feel its energy, it was as if the sun itself had emotions and was trying to communicate with you.

you loved how it made you feel.

but that was before.

now, standing in the doorway of emerie's house, as you looked at it, you didn't know what to do.

you stayed there for a few moments waiting for something to happen — for you to feel something.

but nothing came.

with a shrug of your shoulders, you turned your back on what used to be your greatest comfort and step by step you began to move away from it and the house.

as you walked, you didn't notice that the camp was starting to wake up, just as you didn't notice the sunlight fading away.

you winnowed as soon as you reached the edge of the camp.

••• 

twenty minutes later, you were in velaris about to arrive at your aunt's house to take a much-needed shower.

as you walked up the street, you didn't pay attention to any of the citizens who were opening their establishments and getting ready for a new day of work.

some of them tried to get your attention to greet you just like they always did. You would look at them with your eyes full of color and wave greetings with a warm smile, sometimes you would even stop and talk to some of them.

but not anymore.

now, you simply walked with an expression of indifference without removing your empty eyes from the path ahead.

you only stopped when an all too familiar voice filled the air around you — the voice of the last person you wanted to see right now. "y/n."

you could already see your aunt's house from here, and you were so close to getting there. 

slowly, you turned around and faced the person who had stopped you from reaching your destination.

it was the wife of the patient you lost yesterday with one of their sons by her side, both wearing mourning clothes.

"i'm sorry to bother you, but i saw you passing by, and i just wanted to thank you again for what you did for my husband yesterday." she told you with a weak voice, her eyes still red from the tears.

with a fake smile on your features, you ran a hand through your hair before telling her, "i was just doing my job. after all, that's what i'm paid for."

surprised by your reaction, the female lost her words and after a few seconds to compose herself, she cleared her throat and said "well, the funeral is this afternoon at three o'clock if you want to join us."

you laughed, and without a care in the world, you replied, "no, thank you. i have better things to do but have fun."

and with that, you turned your back on them and walked up the rest of the street before removing the small key from your backpack and entering your aunt's house.

the wife and son remained in their places, trying to understand what had just happened. 

••• 

after placing your backpack on the sofa, you started heading to the stairs towards the bathroom, but before you could, an irritated voice stopped you in your tracks. "where have you been?"

"oh, for cauldron's sake," you muttered and turned to find madja with her arms crossed and an angry face.

"i was with the valkyries. i spent the night at emerie's." you told her with a tone of annoyance.

"i'm aware of that. the high lord had the decency to send me a letter unlike you," madja scolded before continuing, her voice turning softer. "he also told me what happened about azriel." 

when she opened her mouth to speak again, you raised a hand and stopped her from it, "okay, auntie, it's too early for this. i'm going to take a shower and i'll see you at the clinic. okay. cool."

you used both hands to give the cool sign, but before you could step on the stairs, madja called you again. "wait."

"ugh, you gotta be kidding me," you whispered low enough for her not to hear.

you saw your aunt grab a piece of parchment and hand it to you. "this arrived for you a few minutes ago." 

when you unrolled it, you recognized nesta's handwriting. 

she was asking where you were. 

without hesitation, you crumpled the paper and threw it into the middle of the fireplace where it instantly began to burn.

"anything else?"

when your aunt didn't speak, you accepted her silence as an answer and started climbing the stairs by jumping two steps at a time. 

the bathroom door closed seconds later, and madja, who didn't know what animal had bitten you to react like that, put a hand to her forehead before muttering to herself, "what was that?"  

••• 

the clinic was very busy like almost every day but you never complained.

unlike other people, you could happily say that you liked your work. being a healer has always been a rewarding job. 

there was nothing else you enjoyed as much as helping your patients. heal them, make them feel safe, and heard. make them feel important.

your favorite days were the days you helped a new life enter this world. seeing those beings so small and innocent was the best miracle of life.  

but of course, like all jobs, yours also had a bad side. 

seeing your patients sick and knowing that in some cases there is nothing you can do to help, seeing them leave this life and the family they leave behind. 

there were patients who had left such an impact on you that from time to time, they appeared in your dreams. 

sometimes, you felt guilty at their memory because you felt like you could have done more, but most of the time, their memories reminded you to do better for others.  

but none of that mattered to you anymore. now you simply limited yourself to doing your job so you could get paid. 

you were finishing bandaging the knee of a boy who had tripped while running.

the boy had become a regular patient of yours, always finding a way to hurt himself, whether it is running or reading a book.

it was a simple wound that didn't require the use of your powers, so you cleaned, disinfected, and put a bandage on it.

your right hand held his injured leg while the other tried to wrap the bandage, when you finished and lowered his leg, you noticed that he had a bruise in the exact place where your hand had been just seconds before.

with your focus on the wound, you hadn't even noticed the bruise. you went behind the counter and grabbed a bottle of ointment that you had made last weekend and handed it to the boy.

"take this," you pointed to the bruise that had several shades of purple on his leg, "twice a day, one in the morning and one at night. if it starts to hurt, put some ice on it."

following the movement of your hand, the boy saw the bruise for the first time with a confused face "oh, i didn't even know I had that," he grabbed the bottle and with a toothless smile, he started heading towards the door but not without shouting first "thank you, y/n! i'll see you next week." 

"whatever" you let out a sigh and walked towards your chair to take a break but before you could your aunt directed you to the next patient. 

it was an old male who mixed up the plants in his garden and ended up using the wrong plant as a seasoning for his food.

he was slightly pale, nauseous, and had stomach pain.

"you mistaken a poisonous plant for a seasoning plant?" you asked as you examined him, judgment written all over your face and voice.

"yes, i know what it looks like," he explained between short breaths, "but it was an honest mistake."

"it was a stupid mistake." you answered him without hesitation.

you were too busy finishing your exam to notice madja's shocked expression, who had stopped what she was doing at the sound of your words.

"y/n!" She approached and scolded you. "you can't talk to patients like that."

"what? it's true. it's not my fault he's an idiot." you told her with frightening indifference.

at your response, your aunt put her hands to her head with a whisper of "by the mother," escaping between her lips.

she got closer to the patient and placed one hand on his arm before bringing the other to her chest and apologizing to him for your behavior.

the male, on the other hand, said, "it's okay, she happens to be right."

you scoffed "of course i am," you turned to your aunt and with an air of irritation you asked her "now, are you going to let me work or haven't you finished disturbing me yet?"

shocked by your words, madja didn't know how to react or what to say, so she limited herself to taking two steps back, giving you space to continue working.

she looked at you, trying to understand what was happening to you, because this type of behavior was not normal.

you had never spoken to her like that — you had never spoken to anyone like that.

you were sweet, attentive, and very polite. this was not the niece she knew.

she couldn't help but think that maybe this situation with azriel and elain was affecting more than you had let on.

plus, she was well acquainted with how much your emotions could overwhelm you. 

choking sounds broke the trance she was in, and her mind refocused on what was in front of her.

you had started the healing process in the patient, and your hand hovered over his belly in order to try to eliminate the poison, but something was wrong.

because the patient was now paler and bleeding from his mouth.

madja saw you stop and look at her. "i think the poison is stronger than i thought." you kept looking at her, no doubt waiting for her to react, but when she didn't, you couldn't help the sarcastic comment that escaped you. "are you waiting for him to die? because my arms are starting to get numb." 

that was enough to make her move and begin her own examination of the patient.

she frowned. did you really just say that? 

"are you sure you gave me the correct name of the plant you used in your food?" you asked the patient while using a cloth to clean the blood, irritation in your voice.

he simply nodded his head

"maybe the plant you used was in contact with another. are there any other poisonous plants in your garden?"

the male shook his head, his breathing more rapid.

your brain started working quickly trying to see all the possibilities and it was then that you turned to your aunt and found yourself saying "maybe it's because he ate a long time ago and that allowed the poison to spread. i mean, who knows how long this idiot ingested a poisonous plant?" 

madja didn't answer you and due to her silence, you removed your hands from the patient and met her gaze with your empty eyes and a bored expression in your features "okay, so you got this right? i'm hungry, so i'm going to take a break." and with a look of disgust, you walked away.

the old female's heart was beating very fast. she couldn't believe what she had just witnessed.

not just your words but also your actions.

maybe she had seen wrong. 

maybe what she saw and made her freeze before you caught her attention hadn't happened.

maybe she just imagined it. 

because it couldn't be.

could it?

•••

several days passed, and you continued to act strangely since the day you returned from illyria. 

madja was observing you now more than ever, and little by little, she began to assimilate all the differences that you now demonstrated, but the one that worried her the most until now?  

the reason she made you work behind the counter taking care of patient charts so you wouldn't have to interact with them medically. 

you weren't the niece she knew and loved so much, and she began to think that something else must have happened — something you weren't sharing with her. 

and if madja was honest with herself, you were starting to scare her.

your behavior continued to become increasingly strange — how you interacted with patients, the way you spoke to her, your 'new clothes', and your nights out.

not to mention what you had said to the family of the patient you lost a week ago. 

madja met them in the market when she went shopping for groceries, and when the widow told her what you had said them, she didn't want to believe that such insensitivity had come from you. 

she thought about asking the inner circle if they knew anything but after meeting the high lady on the street as she left her studio the other day, she informed madja that it had been almost a week and a half since any of them had seen or spoken to you. 

feyre also explained that both she and the others sent several letters to you, and none returned with a response.

not even nesta knew where you were these days. 

it was with this new information that madja's heart began to tighten more and more with worry. her sleep no longer came as it used to, and the feeling of calm that used to hover over her was gone. 

madja was well aware of your relationship with the older archeron sister, that she was not just a best friend but a sister.

so, why wouldn't you be talking to her? with none of them? 

•••

rita's was full as always — full of life, light, and music.

people danced while others drank and gamble. laughter, singing, and shouts of euphoria filled the air of the familiar bar. 

this has always been one of your favorite places to spend time with your family, not to mention that rita herself was a long-time friend.

good memories were formed on the dance floor with feyre and nesta, on the karaoke stage with mor, several shot battles with cassian that often ended with the two of you on the floor and too many card games with rhys and azriel where you took all their money.

whenever these memories surfaced, they warmed your heart and made you feel lucky to have these people by your side.

now, you felt nothing besides an emptiness in your heart, but at least your heart was whole again, and that's what mattered. 

you ordered your third drink of the night, and the moment you took the first sip, a deep voice was heard from behind you.

"can i join you, my lady?"

when you turned to find the owner of the mysterious voice, you couldn't hide the surprise on your face which you quickly replaced with a mischievous smile "well, well, well, look what the wind brought." 

your colorless eyes meet golden ones that belong to a male with fiery hair and a smirk that matched yours, displayed on his lips.

you let your eyes roam the male in front of you as you analyzed him. he wore a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons open, brown pants where his muscles were visible and black boots.

"eris vanserra," you held out your hand for him to shake. instead, he grabbed it and placed a kiss on your knuckles.

"lady y/n," he greeted, his eyes always fixed on yours. 

you let out a light chuckle as you ran your eyes over the male again as he took the seat next to you. "well, you look delicious." 

"i could say the same about you," he replied with a chuckle, and now it was his turn to look at your form.

you wore a simple black strapless dress that fit your curves perfectly with a slit in the skirt on your left thigh and a pair of silver high heels that matched your jewelry. 

eris ordered his drink, and after you hit each other's glasses with a small 'cheers', you asked him the question you wanted since your eyes had landed on him.

"you are far from home. tell me, what brings you to velaris?" you took a sip of your drink before continuing. "does rhysand even know you're here?" 

following your movements, eris took a sip from his own glass before putting it down, "i'm here because of him, actually. i had a meeting with him and his inner circle a few hours ago."  

"oh, and i thought you had come here just to see me," you said as you signaled the bartender to refill your glass.  

"that can be arranged," the heir replied as he took another sip without ever taking his eyes off yours. 

you cleared your throat after an unexpected heat warmed your cheeks. "i'm surprised he let you come here." 

eris chucked and turned around in his chair and faced you before resting one of his arms on the back of your chair. "i'm surprised i didn't see you at the meeting with the others. did you lose the invitation?" 

you let out a laugh as you tilted your head back slightly before meeting those golden eyes again. "nope, i just didn't want to go. those meetings bore me to death." 

eris's laughter rivaled yours and after losing yourself to the sound for a few seconds, you regained composure and found yourself saying to him "so, if the meeting ended a few hours ago, what are you still doing here?" 

the male stared at you for a few seconds and you noticed his smile weakened a little at your question but he was quick to hide it before answering you "maybe i wanted to see you before i left." 

"you mean you want to avoid beron." 

shock crossed the male's features, and when he opened his mouth to respond, you were quick to raise a hand towards him and stop him. "i'm an empath. reading people is kinda my thing, remember?" 

"right, sometimes i forget that," he picked up his glass again and turned it around a few times in his hand and this time he kept his eyes on the drink as he asked, "so, does that mean you've read me before?" " 

"yes." 

"and what did you read?"

"that this whole act of you being a bad, terrible and heartless male is just that — an act." 

his eyes finally meet yours, and you proceed. "that you care. that you love your mother and lucien more than you let on. and that you love your court and can't wait to get it out of beron's claws." 

"hm," eris leaned against the counter, and with a look of indifference on his face, he told you, "that's. . .accurate." 

a smile returned to your lips. your skills never failed you, at least not when it came to reading people.

"do you want to know what else i read?" 

eris gestured with his hand for you to continue, coming closer to the edge of your chair, you leaned slightly towards him before telling him "that you, eris vanserra," you placed a finger on his chest "you will be a better high lord than that terrible male ever was." 

eris swallowed the lump in his throat as you picked up your glass again and raised it towards him, making the heir follow your movement.

with a clink of glasses, you both drained your drinks, and a mischievous smile returned to your lips. "so, are you spending your night here?"

eris laughed, and as he placed some money on the counter for the night's drinks, he matched your smile, and with amusement in his voice, he asked you, "why? is that an invitation?" 

you added the same tone of amusement to your voice when you answered, "maybe." 

•••

you thanked the Mother that your aunt was working the night shift at the clinic and would only return in the morning. otherwise, this would be embarrassing — for her, at least. 

you walked up the stairs towards your bedroom with the male behind you. 

upon entering your bedroom, eris looked around, noticing that it was small but cozy.

a bed was placed in the corner with a wide window behind it, a bookshelf full of books on healing and romance novels was at the foot of the bed with an puff in front of it against the wall.

some paintings decorated the walls, several faelights lit up the small bedroom, and a desk was on the wall opposite the bed with a mirror on its side. 

what also didn't go unnoticed by eris was the pile of parchments you had on your desk.

"what's all this?" he asked as he pointed to it.

your eyes followed his finger, and you noticed  that the pile was now higher than yesterday 'madja must have added the ones that arrived this morning', you thought. 

they were letters from your friends. the ones they've been sending since you left illyria and have been avoiding them.

every day, new letters arrive — letters that you didn't even bother opening, let alone reading, so you collected them on top of your desk.

why? you still didn't know.

there was a morning when a letter signed by azriel was on the carpet at the entrance of your house — that one went right to the fireplace.  

with a shrug, you simply said "trash" and picked them all up and placed them in the trash can before leaning against your desk while eris sat on your bed. 

"you look different." the male's voice filled the bedroom.

"what do you mean?"

it was eris's turn to shrug before continuing, "you seem more. . .free." 

you chuckled, and as you ran a hand down your dress, you said, "i feel like that." 

there was a moment of silence, and you watched the heir as he looked at one of the paintings next to your bed.

your eyes fell on his body again, and with a thought coming to your mind, a feline look and smile took over your face. 

noticing the way you were looking at him, eris leaned on his forearms and shot you a bold smile. "what is that little head of yours thinking about?"

you laughed at his words, and as you approached him, you rested your hands on his thighs. "i have a question."

his smile grew even wider, and one of his eyebrows rose, and you took that gesture as your cue to continue.

your hands moved to his chest as you straddled his hips, "i want to know if what everyone says is true."

he placed his hands on your thighs and, in a whisper, asked, "what is?" 

you leaned into his chest and as you brushed aside his hair with your hand, your lips hovered over his ear "that the autumn males have fire in their veins and they also fuck like it." 

eris's body tensed beneath yours at your words, turning his smile into mischief, and the smell of arousal began to fill the small bedroom. 

"it's true." eris straightened up, taking you with him and pushed your hair behind your shoulders.

you intertwined your fingers in his fiery hair, and still in a low voice, you said, "i'm afraid i'm going to need proof," earning a few chuckles from him.

with a kiss on his neck and then another on his shoulder, you whispered, "why don't you show me?"

eris chuckled, and with his hands now on your waist, he murmured, "as you wish, my lady." before connecting his lips with yours. 

•••

several knocks on the front door woke you up the next morning. 

you let out several curse words as you went down the stairs only in underwear while you tried to button the white shirt that you stole from the male who was still sleeping in your bed. 

you only had time to button the last three buttons of the shirt before you reached the door and turned the handle to open it.

"oh, for caudron's sake," you ran a hand over your face before crossing your arms and leaning against the door. "what are you doing here?" 

the high lord of the night court was at your doorstep dressed in his usual black suit with his hands in his pockets.

"good morning to you too." rhys said with a look of indifference at your choice of clothing to open the door. 

 "what are you doing here?" you asked the question again. 

"you missed yesterday's meeting, and as you haven't answered any of our letters, i decided that perhaps it would be better to pay you a personal visit." he finished with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. 

you ran a hand through your hair again before giving him an irritated look. "and you decided to come. . ." you stretched back to see the clock on the living room table "at seven in the morning?" 

"i went to the clinic, and you weren't there."

"today is my day off." 

he cleared his throat, ignoring the fact that your bra was showing, "why didn't you go yesterday?"

"i've been busy." it was your only answer.

rhys was about to speak again when someone's footsteps coming down the stairs reached both your ears. 

"do you have guests?" 

"she does, and he's really annoyed that you made her get out of bed at this hour." eris said as he stood right behind you in just his boxers. 

one of his hands went to your hip and the other to the door. “good morning, rhysand.” he said with a smile.

"eris." rhysand replied with an mask of indifference, but you knew that deep down, he was surprised to see him with you.

silence hung in the air as the two males looked at each other and you looked between them.  

the high lord broke the silence without taking his eyes of the autumn heir. "what is he doing here?"

with a shrug and an air of amusement, you replied, "eris wanted to see velaris."  

a laugh sounded behind you, and you joined him, and when you noticed the frustrated look of the male in front of you, you couldn't help but ask, "what? you don't like the view?"

"i can't say i do." rhysand answered with his eyes now meeting yours.

"well, that's a shame. maybe next time, think about letting me know you're coming before you show up at my door at seven in the morning." and with a fake smile dancing on your lips, you closed the door in his face. 

•••

madja continued to look at you from moment to moment, trying to understand you as she has been doing in the last few days without success.

you were working at the counter, updating patient charts, and you seemed so normal. It seemed like everything was fine.

but madja knew it was just an illusion.

the atmosphere between you was now stranger after her shift ended early, and she found you with a male on the living room couch a few days ago — not just a male but the heir of autumn.

you laughed at the situation while she didn't think it was that funny. in fact, she thought it was shocking, considering this had never happened before. 

her worry grew with each passing day. 

it was only when a letter from rhysand arrived at the clinic that morning informing that you were to appear at the townhouse for a meeting in the afternoon that the old female's heart relaxed for a moment. 

the high lord also took the time to explain in the letter that if you didn't show up this time, he himself would pick you up and carry you on his shoulder if necessary as this meeting was not optional. 

when you finished reading, you huffed and muttered a small "i'd like to see you try" before crumpling up the piece of parchment and throwing it in the trash can. 

you kept yourself busy at the clinic, and when the time for the meeting approached, you didn't bother finishing your work and going.

you simply continued doing your job and about twenty minutes later, when you returned to the counter, your eyes met violet ones. 

the high lord was now in front of you and with your biggest smile of innocence, you asked him "are you here for an appointment? or maybe you came to pick up some medicine?"  

rhysand faked a smile at your sarcastic comment — apparently you made a lot of those now. 

"where is your red-haired lover?" 

you looked down, and started looking in your pants pockets and when you finished, you met his violet eyes again before saying "not in here." 

The male sighed loudly and in a deep but calm voice said to you "the meeting started twenty minutes ago."

"i know," you said without ever breaking eye contact.

"and can you explain to me why i had to come here?"

with a hand gesturing around the waiting room where multiple patients were, you replied "as you can see i've been very busy. a lot of people don't have the choice to spend the day sitting around doing nothing." you finished by resting your head on your hands, which were on top of the counter. 

rhys furrowed his eyebrows, since when did you talk to someone like that?

at his confused look, you let out a dry laugh and, continued "i have no interest in going to the meeting, so i'm sorry you wasted your time in coming here, rhysand."  

"rhysand?" He asked dumbfounded as he saw you walk away from the counter and grab the next patient's chart before making your way to where a old female was seated.

he wasted no time in following you "since when do you call me by my full name?" 

you were quick to mutter "since you came here to be a pain in my ass" in response. 

and this was enough of a reality check to make the male stop in his tracks. rhys had received a letter from your aunt a few days ago informing him that you were different but he discard it since the events of that night were still recent. 

but now that he allowed himself to really look at you — he saw all the signs. not only in the way you were acting but also in your clothes.

you were always a warm and happy person and you reflected that in the clothes you wore with light and vivid colors. 

normally you always wore dresses or a skirt with a top as the days at the clinic required you to walk from one side to the other and that way you were more comfortable as you had explained once when cassian commented that you always looked like a princess. 

but now? now it seemed like the princess had been replaced by an evil queen.

leather pants covered your legs while a black strappy top was on your torso tucked into your pants and held up by a belt with silver details around your waist.

black high heels, eyeliner on your eyes and red lipstick on your lips completed the outfit.

you looked like a completely different person. 

'what the hell happened?' the question echoed through his mind before rhys gently grabbed your arm and turned you around.

he decided at that moment that this could — and would — be talked about later, the important thing now was getting you to the meeting. 

"y/n, we have a meeting to attend. let's go."

"i already told you that-"

before you could finish, rhys took the patient chart from your hands and handed it to a dark-haired healer that was passing by before crouching down and lifting you onto his shoulder with one hand still gripping your arm while the other reached around your legs to hold you. 

"rhysand! are you kidding me?" you said and started swearing as you hit his back with your free hand.

on your way out, both of you passed by madja and rhys assured her that he would bring you back home in a few hours.

the old healer felt more at ease knowing that you would be safe with your friends and despite the worry that filled her heart, she couldn't help but let out a chuckle at the sight of you on the high lord's shoulder. 

maybe this was exactly what you needed — a night out with your friends.

hope replaced some of the worry that she had been carrying these last few days, that after tonight, you would come back happier.

you would come back as the niece she knew.

••• 

"seriously, rhysand? are you going to carry me like this the whole way?" you asked with annoyance in your voice.

"yes," a hint of embarrassment crossed the male's face at the use of his full name. 

several curses were muttered in a low voice as the eyes of the citizens of velaris focused on you and the male who carried you, one of your arms still trapped in his hand. 

some citizens looked curious while others laughed, but they all whispered about the reason for such a view. 

"rhysand, people are looking." you mumble with a pat on his back.

"i know," were his words as he sent smiles and slight waves in the direction of his citizens, as if this were some kind of show — one he was enjoying too much for your taste.

using his daemati powers, rhysand sent a message to his family — a message warning them to prepare themselves.

••• 

"well, this is a new view." you heard cassian's voice when you and rhys finally entered the townhouse's living room.

rhys stopped in front of the couches where his family sat, some of them with drinks in their hands, "sorry it took so long. i had to walk." 

a tap on rhys' back sounded through the room followed by a small murmur of "prick" coming from you. 

"hey!" rhys tried to scold you at the same time you said "does my ass look good from back there?"

rhys sighed loudly, earning a few chuckles from the people in front of him.

they had been talking about rhys's warning before you arrived but they couldn't deny that your actions were funny despite the situation. 

"was this really necessary, rhys?" feyre asked with a small smile gracing her lips.

"believe me, it was." rhys began to gently place you on the ground before rising to his full height again and placing his hands in his pockets. 

you turned to face the rest of your friends and managed to catch the surprise that crossed their eyes when they saw you in your new outfit.

"hello," you greeted them with a slight nod. 

"you're late, girl. did you lose track of time?" amren asked you while drinking from her glass of wine.

"no, i just didn't want to come." you replied before grabbing the glass of whiskey that cassian was passing to rhys and sitting on the couch between nesta and elain. 

nesta turned towards you and said softly, "i've been trying to talk to you these last few days." 

"i've been busy." you said while lookinh away.

nesta furrowed her eyebrows at your behavior. 

she had received rhys's warning just like the others but she really thought things would be different with her.

that even though you were different with the others, you wouldn't be with her and that she would be the person to go through you, just like you did for her a year ago. 

when you saw nesta opening her mouth with the intention of speaking again, you were quick to cut her off "so, are we going to start this meeting or not? since i was dragged here like a sack of potatoes." you mumbled the last part.

the high lord cleared his throat before beginning "i had a meeting with eris the other day. apparently beron allied himself with the human queen briallyn who in turn allied herself with koschei." 

"we need to know beron's plans are with this new alliance and that's exactly what eris is doing. i'm going to meet with him again in two days and that's where you come in, y/n."

at the mention of your name, you looked at the male who was already looking at you. with a raise of your eyebrows, he continued "i need you to come with me to the meeting and read eris. i need to know if he is being honest or not." 

you chuckled "why would he lie?" 

"he has lied before." azriel spoke for the first time since your arrival.

you looked at him with a cold look, and everyone else could have sworn that the temperature in the room dropped when your colorless eyes met his.

"so have you." you didn't hesitate to respond.

you saw him flinch and stared at each other for a few more seconds before he looked away and you continued "so has everyone else in this room. except elain of course. perfect, sweet and innocent elain would never do that."  

you looked at the female with a fake smile and it was at that moment that you realized what was in front of you.

azriel and elain sitting on different sofas far from each other without any kind of physical or visual contact.

as you exchanged glances between the two, a smile began to form on your lips at the realization. 

lifting a finger you gestured between the two of them before trying to express your curiosity "what's wrong with the love birds?"  

when no one responded, it didn't take long for you to speak again. "trouble in paradise? oh, wait. i know. you finally remembered lucien." 

you saw azriel's jaw throbbing in frustration and as you were really enjoying this new view, you decided to continue.

you moved closer to elain and placed your arm around her shoulders before telling her loud enough for everyone to hear, "in my opinion, you should choose lucien. you know that rumor that autumn males have fire in their veins and also fuck like it?"  

you heard rhysand swear in the background, giving you a new smile and encouraging you to continue. "well, it's true. eris proved that to me the other night."  you winked in her direction. 

"y/n," rhysand called you out with his high lord voice. 

"what? it's the truth," you laughed and started to get up to leave.

upon seeing you get up, feyre was quick to gently grab your wrist and turn you towards her, she held your hand with both of her hands and said calmly "did you receive our letters?"

you looked at your joined hands before answering her "i did."

with a slight nod, she asked again "did you read them?" 

you looked at her and when you saw your friend's face, you let your guard down for a second and tried to read her emotions instinctively.

but then a movement in the corner of your eye caught your attention. 

azriel was filling his glass and in sight of the male, you remembered why you did what you did to protect yourself.

for that same reason, you moved away from her touch and with a cold voice you gave her the answer she didn't want to hear.

"no, in fact, i throw them away with the exception of your letter, azriel," you turned to the male who froze in his place with your voice addressing him, "i burned yours." 

and with that you started to make your way to the front door with Rhysand behind you to take you home, just like he had told your aunt, leaving your friends shocked without knowing what to say about this new version of you. 

cassian followed you to the door and stopped you before you could open it. "you never came back to the house of wind."

upon meeting the general's eyes, after your interaction with feyre, you realized for the first time that where affection and love for your friends used to be was now empty. 

"i moved out. i'm living with my aunt again." a shrug accompanied your response. 

"why?" He asked you. 

the truth is that you felt embarrassed. 

embarrassed about that night.

embarrassed that you cried in front of your aunt and your friends.

embarrassed that you fell in love with a male who had no interest in you.

embarrassed that you let a male make you feel this way, that you gave him so much power over your emotions.

embarrassed by how weak you felt. 

but not anymore.

now you feel nothing.

and that's exactly how you wanted it. 

you didn't bother to answer him before turning your back on him and disappearing into the darkness of the night with rhys by your side.

••• 

the office door opened softly letting the light of the faelights fill the hallway. 

feyre slipped inside before spotting her mate standing in front of the desk with a book that by the looks of it must be very old as he inspected the pages.

"what is that?" feyre's voice echoed through the silent office, making her mate's violet eyes meet her light blue ones.

"it's a book about rare powers, it has several chapters about empaths. i borrowed it from helion after y/n came to the house." he explained with his eyes returning to the yellow pages.

feyre laughed lightly as she recalled how her friend had arrived at the residence. "you mean when you had to carry her here?"

rhys tried to laugh but a weak smile was all he could muster. the small gesture did not go unnoticed by the high lady, nor did the concern on the male's face.

"you're worried about her, aren't you?"

with a long sigh, rhys stood up to his full height and faced his wife, "very, something happened to her and we don't know what," as he crossed his arms over his chest, he leaned against the wall before continuing "she's different, she's insensitive and arrogant. that's not our y/n."

the last sentence made feyre's heart tighten a little — she felt it too. they all did and they all missed their friend. 

"did you notice the way she looked at azriel?" feyre asked, when she saw how you looked at the male, she thanked to the mother that she wasn't the one on the receiving end of it "it was like she never felt anything for him, like she hated him. It was scary actually."

rhys's eyes widened as the realization made its way through his mind. "like she didn't feel. . ." he muttered softly and approached the book again.

confused, the female approached the desk trying to figure out what Rhys had just realized, as he started flipping through the pages faster and faster.

feyre was surprised the pages didn't tear considering how old they were and how quickly they were being flipped through. 

"rhys?" 

the high lord stopped at a page and after reading it and rereading it several times, feyre heard his heart starting to race.

very slowly, rhys raised his head to meet his mate's eyes and with a low voice he finally revealed the reason for his reaction. "she turned them off."

"what?" 

his heart started to beat even faster "her emotions. she turned them off," rhys ran a hand through his hair making it even more uneven, "y/n turned off her emotions."

shock began to course through the high lady's body and she didn't hide it when she was invaded by it. "is that possible?"

at her question, rhys turned the book towards her and let her read the information he was still trying to process.

everything started to make sense.

"the way she talks, her clothes and the fact that she doesn't care about anything. . .all of this because-"

"because she doesn't feel anything." rhys completed for her.

as he opened his mouth to speak again, several knocks on the wooden office door interrupted him.

clearing his voice, rhys gave the order for the person behind the door to enter. 

it was quite late, with most of their family having gone to their respective rooms a few hours ago, but the couple couldn't hide their surprise when the person knocking on the door turned out to be Nuala.

"nuala? is everything okay?" feyre asked.

the half-wraith stepped forward and without revealing anything in her features, she replied "i'm not sure, high lady. i came to inform you that lady madja is in the living room and has asked to speak to the inner circle immediately."

even more confused than before, they both questioned why would madja be here in the middle of the night.

nuala continued "lady madja said it was urgent. it's about y/n."

at the mention of your name, two sets of chills went down the couple's spines and rhys was quick to give nuala a new order "wake everyone up." 

••• 

the inner circle met in the living room with madja among them.

rhys proceeded to explain what he had discovered about you just moments ago.

the book now sat on the old healer's lap as she reread what her niece had done with tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

madja knew something was wrong with you but she would never have guessed that this was the reason behind it. 

"so, she doesn't feel anything?" nesta asked. 

if this matter had been about anyone else, she wouldn't have bothered to show her sadness but you weren't anyone else.

you were her best friend — her sister.

"yes," feyre said with a lump in her throat.

the room fell silent as everyone tried to process this new information. 

in the corner of the sofa, cassian blamed himself for not having noticed sooner and not having done anything to help.

elain kept looking around the room with the feeling she was being judged and azriel was rethinking all the signs you had given him that he hadn't noticed.

"it's no one's fault," rhys' voice caught their attention but his attention was only on cassian, "we had no way of knowing this without that book we wouldn't even know this was possible."

the general hadn't even realized that his shields were down but his brother's words brought him comfort. 

"what do we do?" mor spoke for the first time since entering the room "how do we get her back?"

hurt flashed across rhys's face and before he could respond, madja did it for him. "we can't," all eyes turned to her and for the first time since they had known the healer, they saw her cry.

"y/n is the only one who can turn her emotions back on. it's up to her and only her," with new tears falling down her cheeks she concluded, "there's nothing we can do." 

feyre placed a hand on the old female's shoulder. "i'm so sorry, madja." 

madja let out a long sigh and before she could hesitate any further she said "that's not all. there's a reason i came here tonight."

"what do you mean?" cassian asked.

"y/n's personality isn't the only thing that has changed."

the room became tense and several breaths were held.

"what's that supposed to mean?" amren asked and if madja knew her better, she would have sworn she had just heard a hint of fear in amren's voice.

"i've been trying to figure out why for several days but this. . ." she pointed to the book, "this explains everything."

with all eyes focused on her, the old healer begin to explain "a few days ago i put y/n to treat a boy's knee. she grabbed one of his leg and when she put it down there was a bruise in the same place her hand was. she assumed she just hadn't seen the bruise before but that was because the boy didn't have any. i was the one who sat that boy in the chair and the only thing he had was the wound on his knee and nothing else. i would have noticed the bruise if he had it." 

"what are you trying to say, madja?" rhys asked, he could feel that with every word the old female spoke, everyone became more nervous. 

"after the boy," madja continued, "she attended to a male who had ingested a poisonous plant by mistake. when she used her magic to heal him, he started spitting blood from his mouth and became very pale. y/n thought that the poison was stronger than she thought but when i came to help the male. . .i managed to cure him without any problems." 

"madja, what are-" nesta tried to ask.

"i think. . .," madja ran a hand through her black hair, "i think when she turned off her emotions, i think it affected her powers too. when I saw her trying to heal that male, her powers weren't emitted by a white light like all healers." 

mor's voice shook as she asked "what was it?"

madja stared at the blonde female before telling her "darkness."   

several curse words passed through the room, increasing the tension that was already in the air.

"i think y/n gave the boy that bruise and i think when she tried to take the poison out of the male. . .i think she ended up spreading it." 

"over the next few days, each time y/n used her powers to heal the patients. . .they all got worse. eventually, i had to put her to work behind the counter so she couldn't hurt anyone else."

this new revelation of your powers only made a bad situation even worse and much, much more dangerous.

it is already quite dangerous for a person not to be able to feel anything as this means that they cannot distinguish right from wrong just as they cannot understand when to stop but to have their powers changed?

amren set down her glass of wine before speaking "if you think about it it makes sense," she began drawing all the attention to her "when she turned off her emotions, she turned off everything that was a part of her, including her own person."  

"what does this mean?" nesta asked with fear on her face not only for what this could mean but also for you. 

azriel was the first to realize with amren's words being the last piece of the puzzle he needed  "mother help us. madja, you're not trying to say that y/n is now a. . ."

the male couldn't find the strength to finish his sentence but it wasn't long before cassian continued where he left.

"a what?" he asked, eyes bouncing between his brother and the healer. "she's a what?" 

with a long sigh, madja said "y/n is no longer a healer."

no one was prepared for madja's next words.

they didn't know what to expect when she came to their house in the middle of the night but they never would have thought of this turn of events.

they would never have guessed that their friend's pain was so deep that it would cause this to happen. 

"y/n is a necromancer." 

a/n: thank you for reading!

[masterlist]

general taglist: @emryb @fantasyandshit @azrielover @shadowsingercassia @littlelou22 @brieflyclassymortal @lilah-asteria @meul-a @lure-of-writing @pruvii @olive-main @mybestfriendmademe @anuttellaa @mrsjna @lively-potter @meul-a @mrsjna @avajustreads @littlelou22 @talesofadragon @circe143 @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @dark-chaos-314 @tequilya @scoliobean @saltedcoffeescotch @charlotteintumbleland @dark-chaos-314 @agirlwithwifiandalaptop

taglist fic: @crazylokonugget @quinzzelx @cumuluscranium @i-am-infinite @rcarbo1 @romantasyreader28 @thegreyjoyed @whyshouldihaveanam3 @sheblogs @amysangel @meher-sumedha @paleidiot @skylarkalchemist @thestartitaness @romanoffslegacy @bookwormysblog @sandramalikstyles-blog

*if you asked to be tagged and you weren't, it's because I couldn't find your blog.

the beautiful dividers belong to @cafekitsune

[wellcollapse]

i think eddie’s queercoding is a little messy and the writers’ intentions with his sexuality feel inconsistent at times (hence the endless debate over his specific brand of queerness) but honestly? nobody on my dash is explicitly saying it, so i will. i really do think he’s just bisexual with an emotional and/or romantic preference for men.

like i do think he was deeply in love with shannon, and i fully believe that his trauma surrounding their fractured relationship and her subsequent death plays into his intimacy issues with his other girlfriends, but i also think that outside of that, there’s always been an element of needing to Be a certain way in his relationships with women that he’s never faced with men because he’s never stopped to consider that his relationships with men could be romantic in nature. it’s why his relationship with shannon failed in the first place: given what we know about eddie’s background and the way that he had to take on the ‘man of the house’ role as a child, it’s likely that as soon as he found out that he was going to be a father, he immediately fell prey to the role that was hand-carved out for him: to be a provider for shannon, to be strong and stoic and to never let anyone know how he was feeling. and so he did it, but it didn't work, because he left her, and then she left him, and by the time they came back together, sex was the only method of connection he had left because he was too afraid to open his heart up to her. maybe they once felt that magic as kids on a lake, but then they grew up. and they didn't grow together. and the tragedy of it all is that this was never imposed upon him by shannon. all she wanted was a partner, but he couldn’t be that for her because he never allowed himself to be vulnerable. with ana, although he pursued her because he liked her and because he wanted to stop feeling like he was drowning in his grief for shannon, he stayed despite knowing something was wrong because he wanted to be a good father and do right by his son. still a provider, but this time it was attempting to provide a sense of security for his son who’d already lost so much. he didn't want to take away another person that his kid cared about, and so he thought, i have to give it a try, maybe i’ll feel the way i should eventually, right? and with marisol……honestly, s6 told us point-blank that eddie is terrified of being alone and i think the reason why he stayed with her for so long is so that he could avoid that loneliness. (and also bc buck told him to. i blame buck for that).

but anyway. before i got sidetracked, the point i was going to make is that there isn't any indication in the text that eddie isn't physically attracted to the women he's dated. he canonically enjoys having sex with them and he was in love with shannon....but i just think that from what we've seen, he's more emotionally drawn to men and he finds it much easier for him to be vulnerable in his relationships with men specifically because he's never considered that he could love them. this way, he never has to be afraid of letting them down in the one specific way that men let down their wives. with buck, there’s no pressure. buck has always made eddie feel safe enough that he's never felt the need to perform or put those emotional barriers up because he doesn’t have to provide anything other than his company. he can just be eddie, and that's enough for buck. and tbh this also tracks with the platonic relationships he's had with both men and women. when he doesn't feel the pressure of a romantic relationship, he blooms and feels much more comfortable sharing aspects of his life that he wouldn't trust his girlfriends with (see: the beach scene with felisa where they discussed chris's experience with the tsunami. i can't name a single scene where eddie opened up to a romantic interest about something similar). buck is the only person he's given both his love and his trust to, and i think both of them are strong enough that he'll continue to feel secure even after they transition to a romantic relationship because buck has proven over and over again that eddie can crack his heart open and buck will be there to hold him through it. also lest anyone think this is straight!eddie truthing (or anything except for bisexual, really)....please go watch the poker scene. he wants buck AND he loves him AND he trusts him. yay

[radiance1]

Tucker finds a game installed on his pda one day.

He didn't know where it came from, nor what it was supposed to be and it looked more high quality than a few other games he's seen. So what did he do with it? Surely he should've not touched it and tried to delete it, right?

He wouldn't be apart of team phantom if he didn't also embody the "Fuck it we ball" energy.

So he plays it, finds it to be some dating sim based on the title screen and went through a good fair portion of it, it was fairly normal, if not really up his alleyway of games. But it had its moments though.

Then came Monika.

He didn't know what to do with her, in all honesty. She seemed to be a sapient Ai trapped in a dating sim, which was weird but not that weird compared to everything else in all honesty. She also killed off her friends, though her reasoning was because they weren't real and that it was the only way for her to have a romance route.

Kinda extra in his opinion, but he can see the reasoning.

So what does he do? Rummage around in the game's coding and makes a route for her.

(He swore he saw another pair of hands indirectly helping him when he did it, too.)

Monika was downright ecstatic when he was finished with it, he outlined a route for her but then she just took control of it, coding in events, mini-games, gifts and other sorts of things for her route. She thanked him immensely for outlining a route for her, since even with all of her control she couldn't directly go against core programming when it came to herself like that.

He was glad to help her out, really, she seemed like a pretty nice person, pushed outside of her core programming because of her sapience. He even coded Monika outside of the game and let her roam around in his pda, which accidentally added another layer of protection to his firewalls, but he isn't complaining.

Then she wondered how it would be like in the real world, with him and everyone else.

It really just went off from there.

Jack and Maddie are genius inventors, and now that they no longer have such a driving, blinding hatred towards ghost due to their son being revealed as a halfa, they no longer spend all of their time on ghost themed weapons and stuff.

So he went to them, showed them Monika (Which they were extremely impressed with) and decided to help him in building her a body! Probably also because they liked the challenge of building a body too, but meh.

Tucker drew up a design based on Monika's wishes, and tweaked it a bit here and there to ensure perfect human functionality.

Monika told Jack and Maddie that they didn't need to spend too much effort on it, since she would be fine with just a body, but Jack went no and they went all in. Did Tucker know what they were using to built her body? No, no he did not.

Apparently they made her body out of some rare metal they obtained from Vlad, who is trying very hard to redeem and put himself back in the Fenton's good graces after having some sense knocked into him, a rare metal called nth metal that Vlad apparently lost a lot trying to get, even had to use less then clean methods to get, but not anything he can't make back in a while.

Her blood was ectoplasm, with a fully functional heart made from the same metal and basically every other organs as well. Her brain was basically a supercomputer that'll let her connect to the internet whenever she wants, as well as allow her access to wifi from virtually wherever.

Her skin was made from another metal, one that imitated the feel and look of human skin, while also being more durable. They also added in features that'll simulate touch, taste, smell, sight, and hearing as well!

Monika was honestly floored when she was downloaded into the body, it was much, much more than she had asked for and she didn't even know if she could repay them for it. To which Jack and Maddie just waved off because the chance to make a body from scratch out of a rare metal that was basically just gonna lie there for a sapient Ai wasn't one that would come often, so the experience was invaluable honestly!

Monika tried out everything she could after that, just happy to be among real people after becoming aware. She could finally be with her boyfriend, physically, no longer bound by a wall between them.

Then a while later, she may have accidentally hacked into what Tucker later told her was the Justice League Watchtower. It wasn't even her fault, she just wanted to hack into a nearby satellite, honest!

It's not like Tucker could talk, really. He's been hacking into the local government database for a while now, and why, it's not like he could do better, could he?

He saw a challenge when he saw one, and he should shy away from it because it was the Justice League.

But

So then the both of them competed to see who could hack into the Justice League database the fastest. A romance game Ai who grew sapience and got into the real world, versus a guy who's insanely smart and good at hacking who got her into the real world.

Of course it couldn't have been that easy, though, and really, it wouldn't have been a true challenge is they didn't engage in a cyber battle against the people they're hacking into, right?

Meanwhile, the Justice League is watching as Batman, Tim, and Oracle is fighting against two unknowns hacking into their database and having what is no doubt a cyber battle of such intensity they're wondering how the hell that keyboard is still standing against how fast their fingers are flying across it.

Some of them can swear they can see Batman release an aura of impressed, annoyed, and amused all at once.

[jenniferpendragon]

Listening to "Would You Fall in Love with Me Again?" and I wondered why on earth I connected so deeply with Odysseus here when I've been connecting with Penelope so much, and then it clicked.

Massive spoilers below the cut, and also mentions of sexual assault and image issues.

Odysseus has become the monster, that's what "Odysseus" is about, his final culmination. He is everything he's fought and hated and killed. He has murdered a *baby* at the command of a god who told him if he didn't, the gods would have the child destroy his family. His best friend died because Odysseus, out of extreme guilt, indulged his ways too much. His own desire for a better world and to give mercy, fueled by guilt, caused his mentor to leave him and left an opening for future pain. His pride turned his cunning into dust. He watched men he had fought for ten years to save from dying in war be drowned in a storm because of his damn pride (and his brother-in-law and second-in-command's greed and mistrust). He then nearly lost all of his remaining men at the hands of an enchantress. He is forced to hear the screams of his dead comrades and come face to face with his dead mother in the Underworld who died waiting for him.

Odysseus then murders gods know how many sirens (rightfully so, but still), and then sacrifices six men to a sea monster for safe passage. His remaining men mutiny against him (understandably on the crew's side, not so much for Eurylochus) and then decide to eat the sacred cattle of Apollo, which gets the wrath of Zeus down upon them.

Odysseus then decides that his wife and son are more important than his remaining men and lets them be killed for their misdeeds. He is then trapped for years (and possibly sexually assaulted, reading between the lines) by a woman who wants to replace his wife while the demons of his past and his guilt and trauma cause him to nearly commit suicide. Once freed from the island and Calypso, he fights another sea monster with just his wits and then nearly dies by a god before torturing Poseidon until he gives Odysseus the safe passage he wants. After all that, he (rightfully) slays the suitors who were planning to rape his wife and attempting to kill his son. They beg for mercy, but the Odysseus that gave mercy to the cyclops that murdered his best friend is dead. Only a monster remains. A man who tortured gods stands before them and judges them for their crimes.

And his son is ecstatic to have him home, is wondering if Odysseus would accept him as "weak" as he is, as if Telemachus isn't the perfect "warrior of the mind" Odysseus always wanted to be, a combination of Athena and his younger self's viewpoints. Odysseus, the monster, sees one of the two things he still loves in the world and exercises those open arms because this is his son. His love for him is unconditional and unchanging.

Athena, beaten and recovering and full of empathy for the first time in the ten years since she left him, sees the Odysseus before her, the monster and cunning warrior she was attempting to turn him into, and accepts what he is, what he's become because of her. And while she loves him, she doesn't show him love. Just acceptance and quiet friendship (which is more than fine, but it does nothing to his heart about his monstrosity).

And then he comes to Penelope. The woman he has turned into someone unrecognizable for. Someone even the goddess of wisdom regrets. His son loves him, but it's because of the monster he has become. His son never knew him, never knew who Odysseus was at his core. Athena did, and she regrets what happened to him, what he became. But Athena wasn't who he was fighting for. He wasn't the one thing that kept Odysseus alive for twenty years of hell.

And he comes to Penelope, heart on his sleeve and says "I'm not the man you knew. I have done terrible things. I have become a monster inside and out. Would you fall in love with me again?"

He doesn't ask "do you still love me?". He doesn't think it's possible. He is a monster. He not only signed the death warrant of his sister's husband but threw a child, a baby, off of the walls of Troy. Odysseus doesn't believe himself worthy of the love he is asking for. He needs it with every fiber of his being because that is what he has craved for two decades, but he is a monster. He is not the kind and gentle husband who carved a wedding bed into an olive tree so it would be a living reminder of their everlasting love. He is a man who sold the souls of his men to a monster to get home.

Odysseus is amazingly, beautifully human, but by many metrics, he is a bad man. His actions can be justified and rationalized, but he has committed atrocities or allowed them to be committed (Achilles' desecration of Hector's corpse, opening the gates of Troy for the people to be slaughtered in their sleep, sentenced men to death so he could go home, throwing a baby off the walls of Troy) and he can't be called a good man (his actions in "Odysseus" aren't monstrous but they reveal his mindset) in a measurable way.

I wouldn't go so far as to call him evil like I would Antinuous, but would Odysseus? Yes. He believes he is a monster. Monsters are something to kill, not worthy of love.

But he asks. He asks Penelope if she would fall in love with him again. Not if she still does, he doesn't ask for that. He has loved no one else in these last twenty years, but he doesn't ask for that from Penelope. He's asking for a chance. Would she be willing to love the monster that has come home in her husband's place? Would she be willing to look upon him, with the blood of an infant on his hands, with the blood of an entire people on his hands (they would never have sacked Troy and committed genocide without him), and choose to fall in love with him anyways? That is what he is asking. Could you love me, as evil and monstrous as I am?

And what does Penelope do? She asks him to move their marriage bed. He's not her husband? He's a monster? Fine, a monster wouldn't care about destroying their wedding bed, the symbol of their marriage, to get what he wants, a new start from her. A monster wouldn't care that he would have to tear out the roots of their eternal love to have her now. A monster wouldn't have second thoughts.

But Odysseus is hurt and angry at her essentially asking for a divorce from the man she married, revealing the secret of their marriage bed in his shock and rage. A monster wouldn't give it a second thought, but the man she married could never move that bed for anything.

And she tells him that only her HUSBAND knew that, so that makes this monster he claims to be her husband. Penelope doesn't just agree to fall in love again, but that she doesn't care how, where, or when, because he is HERS. He isn't a monster that has replaced her husband, he IS her husband.

She does not look at him and see his sins. She looks at him and sees someone she has loved and waited for for twenty years. Someone she was ready to die a violent death rather than live without.

Odysseus believes himself to be a monster, to be evil. And Penelope says he is her husband. He is hers. He is not some evil monster, he is her husband who would never even think about moving their marriage bed. He thinks he is evil, too much, too monstrous, and she says no, you are MINE.

I've always felt like I'm a horrible person and worthy of the pain and punishment I get. But hearing someone love someone else unconditionally, looking upon them and saying "I don't see your sins; I only see you" is incredibly healing to me. Penelope hears his list of his sins and straight up IGNORES them. It's almost as if she has forgotten them. She loves Odysseus, period. She does not see the vile monster that Athena sees and accepts and regrets. She sees her husband.

Love is the greatest power in the world.

[sunny44]

What about us?

Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x ex!Reader

Warnings: mentions of loneliness, sadness, breakup, co-parenting and maybe more

Summary: Where Lewis hasn't been himself lately.

Next Chapter

Lewis and I met when I was working in the media department at Mercedes, I wouldn't say we fell in love at first, but he was definitely the guy I loved most in my life.

But unfortunately not everything we love stays in our lives forever.

We dated for 3 years and then when 2021 came, he was so devastated that the title was taken away from him that our relationship didn’t last.

He was so out of himself that u didn’t recognized him anymore, I seem like the man I love was taken away from me when he lost that day.

So that when we decided to go in separated ways.

But 3 months after i found out that u was pregnant with our daughter and we had to get our path together again. He said to me the day I told him about my pregnancy that I saved him for making the stupidest mistake of his life because he was about to retire from formula 1.

The internet already new that we weren’t together anymore but they just discovered my pregnancy when he posted about it.

We obviously will have a connection for the rest of our lives and I am extremely happy that we manage to be in good terms or co-parenting would have been harder.

I would be lying if I said it was easy because it wasn’t, the fact that we are separated makes Harley's schedule and routine harder than would be if we were together.

Today is Harley’s 3th birthday and I’m was going crazy with everything, she wanted a formula 1 themed party and it was all thanks to her father who got her addicted to the sport.

So here I was running around my apartment to decorate everything while she was with Sebastian and his wife.

Kika is here with Pierre and the other boys helping me with the party.

Lately he was kind of absent, he obviously came to see Harley but when I tried to talk to him, Lewis answered as little as possible and my messages he didn't even answer.

I had been trying to get him to help me with her birthday but now I was worried that he wouldn't come.

I hope he is only busy now in the afternoon because I will kill him if he doesn't show up.

We live in Monaco so some of the drivers came since they are all passionate about Harley.

This includes George, Pierre, Sebastian, Charles, Carlos, Daniel, Max and Lando.

Max and Lewis were not biggest fans of each other, far from it, but Benjamin his son was best friends with Harley so we met occasionally. And above all they treated each other with respect so we had an acceptable relationship for the sake of our children.

And Lewis hated that Harley adored Uncle Max.

The party had been going on for two hours and nothing came of him, I didn't know whether to be worried or angry.

"Mommy, where's Daddy?"

"I don't know my love, he should be here soon." She agrees a little discouraged but runs to where Ben and Max were.

"Anthony do you know where Lewis is?" I asked his father who was talking to my parents.

"I don't know darling, he said he would be a little late but he would come." I sighed in frustration. "I'll try to call him."

"Thank you."

He left to try to call his son and I went off to try to concentrate on distracting Harley with play.

…

He appeared in the middle of the party and I sighed with relief when I saw him coming through the door with Angela with him, Harley ran up to her father and I was happy to see her smile.

"How nice of you to come." I hugged Angela and she smiled.

"You've done well with the decorations." She said and I thanked her. "Can I talk to you? I want to take advantage of the fact that he's distracted by her."

I looked at the two of them and Harley was talking non-stop and he was listening attentively.

"Sure." We went into the kitchen where no one was around. "Is everything all right?"

"I'm not sure, I'm a bit worried about him."

"What happened?"

"I arrived at his apartment today and everything was a mess and he was asleep on the sofa." I was surprised because he rarely slept during the day and his apartment was always spotless. "I tried to talk to him but you know how he is, Lewis doesn't open up easily but he ended up saying that he wasn't happy and that he missed you both a lot."

"But we're always here."

"I think he misses a family." I sighed because I understood his feeling. "You know that he loves you both more than anything in the world and I remember when you were together he was planning to marry you, have children and have you live in a more secluded house so that you wouldn't be swallowed up by the media but from one moment to the next his plan became just a dream."

"I understand."

"And the only thing that's kept him going over the last few years is that little girl and the fact that you're her mother because that's what's kept you in his life. But he hasn't been the same for a while."

"I've noticed that he's been acting strange lately, he doesn't talk to me directly and avoids me whenever he can."

"Because he knows that you know him like the back of your hand and that you would know what was wrong with him." She takes my hand. "I'm not telling you this because I want you to feel guilty or anything, but I wanted to ask you to talk to him and try to help him in any way you can."

"All right, I'll talk to him after the party."

...

I said goodbye to the last few people and the only ones that were still around was Max, Ben and Lewis

"Buddy it's about time we go home." He says trying to talk the boy off the trampoline.

"Not yet Daddy, wait a little longer." He says short of breath from jumping around.

"If you don't mind I can take him to your apartment later."

"All right, thanks." He said goodbye and went home.

They kept jumping on the trampoline while Lewis was inside grabbing the trash.

After 10 minutes Bem said he was tired and i asked Lewis to watch Harley while I take him to his father and when I came back I could hear them in her room.

"I've missed you so much, Daddy." She says, already lying on her bed.

"I missed you too baby bear." She smiles tiredly and closes her eyes. He kisses her forehead and stays there for a few more minutes until he sees that she's asleep.

"Hey." He smiles as soon as he sees me outside her room. "I'm sorry I couldn't help, I got caught up with some work stuff."

He was lying but I knew it was juts for me not to worry about him.

"It's okay, I sorted it out." He smiled and went back into the living room. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Maybe because I know you better than you think." He sighs. "You don't have to tell me what it is, but I want you to know that I care about you."

"It's just that everything's been a bit too much lately."

"What do you mean?"

"The constant pressure at work, the media, the fact that I'm not there for you two every day. Everything." He turns to me. "I just don't know how much I can take anymore."

"Lewis..."

"I miss you, and I miss us, I miss Harley and this feeling that I'm good at what I do has been haunting me."

"But you are good."

"Apparently not so much because I can't even stand on the podium." I sighed. "I don't expect you to understand but I don't think I want to do this anymore."

"What do you want to do then?" He looks at me. "You know that Harley and I don't care if you're a driver or not, we care about you too much to worry about whether you're still in Formula 1 or not."

"It's just that I've lived this for so long that I just wish I could be with you every day without worrying about having to catch a flight to the other side of the world."

"I understand and I'll support you in whatever you decide.

"Thank you." I sat down on the sofa and nudged him to sit next to me, which he did, resting his head on my shoulder. "You know I love you, don't you?"

"I know, I love you too."

"But I love you in a way that..."

"I know, and I love you the same way." He looks at me. "I understood what you meant from the start."

"And what does that mean for us?"

"I don't know but we don't need to find out today, we have plenty of time." He smiles and we lie down on the sofa.

Bonus scene!

Yourusername instagram post

Liked by @lewishamilton, @susiewolf, @cherlesleclerc and others 293629

@yourusername I still can believe my baby is turning 3 years old today.

I’m so happy that I’m your mama and that I’m able to watch you grow and turn into this beautiful little girl.

I can’t imagine my life without you and I’m grateful for having you in my life.

Thank you @lewishamilton for making me a mama and for giving me the best gift anyone could ever give me.

Happy birthday sweet girl, mama loves you so much 🩵.

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Guys I have so many ideias for another chapters of Lewis being Harleys dad so if you guys want to read the next chapters let me know so I’ll tag you guys.

[lollyposp]

okay im only slightly going insane right now about how MUCH i adore the way agatha is being portrayed in agatha all along. she's this awesome mix of horrible and sympathetic BUT not in the way that excuses everything she does. like, the other witches dislike her for good reason and even when agatha is nice to them or they realise she's got her own issues too like, that doesn't change what she's done in the past to get her reputation.

but ALSO it's so obvious that 90% or something of Agatha's personality is either a facade or an exaggeration of her bitterness because after everything we know of that's happened to her ("i can be good" "no you cannot", her son dying and rio's obvious involvement in that) it's like. how can she love. how can she trust when those she loved made her feel betrayed, or she lost them, or even both.

i think the first clue that a lot of her personality is a facade was the whole "just blast me" situation, because to me it felt like "well yeah Agatha's clearly nasty but how much of that is because she needs to annoy people into trying to kill her so she can grab their magic?" but I hadn't quite realised that there could be more to it than that

but episode 4 had SO MANY examples. i mean, Agatha's entire "no fucks given" attitude just fizzles out when the teen is dying and i feel like even the other witches picked up on it, like jen was clearly stunned by Agatha's grief as well as by Teen's condition. and then her sitting with Teen until he woke up, not even taking her eyes off him but as soon as he wakes up she pretends she just Happened to check on him Just as he woke up and that she didn't stay there the entire time.

and don't even GET ME STARTED on everything else. the scene at the fire where she very clearly struggled through having a positive interaction with the other witches?? and also the whole "she is my scar" but if i think too much about that i will actually go insane.

the scene that REALLY hasn't left my head all day is the scene where rio tells agatha that Teen isn't hers. ALL THE PROPS to kathryn hahn here she's an INCREDIBLE actress, but the way agatha just says NOTHING and slowly puts on a smile....😦 i was watching the episode with my housemates and the only thing i could say to them was "i literally saw the moment she put her act back on". because for all that agatha is so brash and loud, and no matter how much she might seek conflict with others, she runs away from all her emotional pain because it's too much for her to bear. because how do you even move on from the woman you loved being at least partly complicit in your son's death? whether agatha really DID trade him for the dark hold and regretted it immediately or whether the rumour IS just a rumour and nick and the dark hold aren't connected at all, RIO still is connected to either of those ideas.

(honestly as it stands right now im in whatever camp believes he WAS traded for the darkhold, but agatha somehow didn't realise he would be traded until after it was too late, because i feel like it's what explains her actions in WV and her hallucination the most. also it makes rio's actions all the more painful to agatha because it would have been a mistake she didn't mean to make, and rio would not budge even with that knowledge and OUCH. but that's neither here nor there)

honestly this whole incoherent essay was just to say that i love Agatha's character. i love that the question surrounding her isn't really "is she good or evil?" or even "can she be good?". i feel like it's clear there IS a good person in agatha but because she's ignored it for so long (some of that is probably due to the darkhold) the question kind of becomes "does it matter that she's got good inside her if she refuses to show it?". she's so firmly in the morally grey camp that while i do kind of want her to have a redemption arc and to have a whole found family thing go on, i honestly don't see it happening and i also at the same time DON'T want her to be redeemed when she's so interesting because she's this person who clearly has the capacity to be good and chooses not to out of pride and fear of being vulnerable and all the trauma she's accumulated.

oh i completely forgot to mention that im also obsessed with the sound booth scene???? i honestly can't figure out if she's just shit stirring when she projects her and rio's conversation for the fun of it, or if it's like a fucked up agatha way of trying to protect her new coven by giving them reasons to distrust rio and be wary of her, specifically because she thinks rio will betray her/betray them and reap them. I can't figure it out. it might even be both.

anyway live laugh love agatha

[rickyriddle]

So I have a theory regarding the Agatha What If…? episode. What if Agatha went to Hollywood? The episode doesn't really explain why she made that choice other than trying to get the Celestial’s powers. But I still wonder how she knew and why the regular Agatha didn't make that choice. And then I felt like the ending of the episode was a bit odd and maybe even ooc for her, to get convinced by Kingo like that. So I wondered: what makes this Agatha different from our Agatha?

They are similar, that's for sure. But the what if Agatha feels less… ruthless? Still self-serving and looking for more power, but a bit less murderous. Then it clicked. What if… Agatha never Rio? Now I know, we all love the idea of Celestial Agatha with Rio, both now cosmic beings but hear me out. First we don't know if Rio, as the comic entity of Death, has variants in the MCU. Tho ultimately, it doesn't really matter for this theory. Let's just imagine a scenario where these two didn't meet or never came to be a couple. What would have happened to Agatha?

Regardless of Rio, Agatha needed to steal powers from other witches in order to survive during the Salem years. She was already doing so before meeting Rio. But if she never met Rio, or never dated her, then it would also mean Agatha never had Nicholas. Never created the ballad. Never lost her son. Never started using this specific con based on the Witches Road to gain power as a way to cope with grief.

Now, how would that lead her to Hollywood? Well, main Agatha would have been too busy by first, running away from Rio, and secondly her road con. She'd be unlikely to look for another source of power when she got a successful con going on and unsuspecting witches falling into her lap all the time (as well as literal Death wrap around her finger).

But in a universe where she can't rely on that con or her cosmic wife, I think it's more likely that Agatha would look for power elsewhere, not just the magic she can steal from other witches. Hence why she ended up learning about the Celestial Tiamut and decided to go to Hollywood to hatch her plan to steal his powers.

That would also explain to me why this version of Agatha managed to be convinced by Kingo. Main Agatha would not have cared about what he said imo. But this Agatha isn't as bitter, hardened by the loss of her son and her complicated relationship with Rio. She might be more willing to bond with someone else who might share some of her experiences, possibly with loneliness and being different from their own kind. Agatha was always different from other witches due to her powers and never managed to connect with them, and she recognized that Kingo was also different from his own kind, the Eternals. So she knew he actually understood her and that might have led her to accept his proposition, and friendship.

But the main reason why I start thinking that Nicky didn't exist in that universe is that I cannot bring myself to believe Agatha wouldn't have tried to bring him back. With the powers of two Celestials, she could have rewritten the world like she wanted, yet chose not to and instead remained an actress. To me it feels like she didn't have something she wished to change about the world, which I don't think is conceivable if she lost Nicky in this universe too. There is also no mention or allusion to her dating Rio, so I do feel like these two were just not a thing in this universe and therefore, Nicky never came to exist.

Fundamentally, this is still Agatha, but she's not our Agatha we knew in WV and AAA. Same trauma with her mother and original coven, but different life experiences afterwards that could have led her to a drastically different path. I love agathario and imagining a world where they aren't a couple is hard, but I'm afraid that's what I feel like this episode was. Actually a “What if… Agatha never met Rio?’.

But hey, at least this episode confirmed she is indeed a lesbian, regardless if she's in a relationship with Rio or not.

[ananke-xiii]

Some speculations about the power of stories, cycles and karma and... Boyd.

***FROM spoilers (although it's mainly just my predictions lol)***

One of the things that I like about FROM is how they use different forms of art to help people remember things about their past.

Miranda used paintings so that she could remember and so does her son, Victor, who draws so that the pictures would remember for him. And it's precisely his sister's drawings that help him remember what he had removed.

Then, there's music, obviously, that make Tabitha and Jade remember not exactly their lived past but their karmic past.

There's also dance in the show but it hasn't worked its magic yet, I'm very curious to see how the ballerina is connected to Boyd and... Tillie? It's still minor compared to the previous two but I think we'll see our ballerina again pretty soon.

There's, finally, the power of stories. Ethan is the key-figure here because he's our go-to guy for all the crazy meta-ness of the show. But also Kenny and Kristi were reading a story together (cute and very Lancelot and Guinevere of them), they got stuck at chapter 6 or something before shit hit the fan so... I hope they won't forget about that.

More importantly, I'm very curious about one specific aspect: season 3 ended with Ethan saying that a story that has been told can't be changed so everyone is talking about how FROM is following LOST rule of "Whatever happened, happened", aka: you cannot change the past. Okay. But.

But I wonder if this is going to be the case with FROM since we now know for sure that the main theme is breaking the cycle of abuse. Since the show has introduced the concept of reincarnation I'm wondering if this means that yes, okay, the past cannot be changed, the story has been already told and there's nothing that we can do about it BUT isn't breaking it the whole point of karma?

I mean, a lot of major characters are starting to remember their trauma so this is good news but this also means that the show is faced with the three narrative choices, I think:

keep to its genre and let everything end in horror and blood. I think this type of ending can only be satifsying in movies but in shows where people invest a lot of time across multiple seasons spaced out over long years? Mmmm, it's very tricky to pull off. I mean, it can be done but I think it's very hard to convince people who have watched a show for over 5+ years that yeah, everybody dies horrendously, hurrah!;

the LOST way: some people manage to escape the town and go back to their lives and they all (more or less...) met there because they needed each other to move on from their past. I think this won't happen because of Harold Perrinau. He specifically accepted the role because he was promised it wasn't gonna end like LOST, so... Either FROM's ending will be a huge embarassment for everybody involved or it won't end the same way as LOST (fingers crossed);

since we've been shown that art has healing powers, stories too will be healing for the characters, aka they'll manage to change the narrative/the past. Now I think this is where the money's at and why I'm so intrigued by the introduction of time travels.

My istinct tells me that it's going to be a mix of 1 and 3: I think the show will end with the breaking of the cycle but I don't think that one particular character will make it to the end. The character is Boyd and I think that in season 4 he'll be key to understanding if the show will have a happy ending or not. So far I think it's not gonna be happy-happy for everyone.

I don't think Boyd will make it to the end because the elements so far tell me so:

1. The ballerina dance didn't help him remember anything, as a matter of fact he destroyed the music box to save people. This is a huge red flag: will he destroy his chance to break his cycle for the sake of other people?;

2. He's got two sons in the show: his actual son Ellis and his putative son Kenny. Kenny's father, Bing-Qian suffered from dementia and has been associated with feelings of confusion and with not being understood. He also talks about another form of universal language, that is chess. He unfortunately dies (Boyd seems to suffer from Parkinson's and he's convinced it's that because his father had it but he was never actually diagnosed with it. Or it's not been shown yet). Abby, Boyd's wife, also dies by none other than Boyd's hand. She was described as "confused" and people believed that she had started to show signs of some sort of paranoia, I think (we know now that, perhaps, she was remembering her past life). She wasn't understood/believed, too. Kenny's mother, Tien-Chen, dies as well and her death is also connected to Boyd. So, I mean, as far as parental figures with whom he's paralleled/paired go, things don't look good for our sheriff;

3. The point of the show seems to be that parents must avoid the sacrifice of their children. Boyd has two sons and he has martyr-like tendencies. Sooooo..... again, things don't look good for him;

4. Boyd-as-husband is connected to Henry and Jim. They're all husbands who didn't believe their wives and didn't support them. Henry and Jim are also heavily associated with the Man in Yellow who seems to be the primary abuser of the show (or he's very strongly related to the cycle of abuse that's been happening for who knows how long). Henry and Jim (and Boyd too, by extension) are portrayed as ambiguous figures, they're clever man who're also very morally skewed. There's something dark about Henry, I'm not sure about his intentions, his talk with Donna about thinking that, for a moment, he hoped that Victor were dead... I mean, it was a human moment but it was also ominous. (Let's also not forget about Boyd being a former-military and how the Civil War is a sleeping theme in the show. Henry was doing hard drugs with Miranda in the 70s so this tells me he wasn't sent to Vietnam? There's a latent element of actual war here. I don't know how it'll pertain to Henry, Jim (Jim's father was an alcoholic, is PSTD from war related to this?) and Boyd in the town but I KNOW there's something going on. I unfortunately don't remember much about my American History class at uni so I can only pick up the vibe without really explaining it, it's so frustrating).

While I'm more confident about points 1, 2 and 3, I'm not so sure about point 4. I think this will be the gordian knot of the story.

For whatever reasons, time travels are associated with grand-fathers/fathers and their assassination or impossibility thereof. On one hand, with the introduction of Henry (who's got the same function as Jim), Jim seems to be redundant and therefore his death is final. On the other, if his death is final it means that Julie, as a story-walker and time traveler, cannot change the past. This doesn't bode well for my hoped-for happy ending.

The shows seems to tell us: it's not about whether or not you can kill your father when you time-travel because it's about saving your father! (Julie saved Boyd-as-father in the well by handing him the rope).

So we have a story about parents saving their children and children saving their parents! Isn't this beautiful? I literally can't wait to see if I'm right or not about this, lol.

It all boils down to Boyd: so far the story is telling me that parents will most likely save their children but they probably won't be able to save themselves. However, Julie did save one father-figure so far, will she be able to save her own father? Can children save their parents?

These are very interesting questions but I truly hope they will stick to the "art has the power of changing people" theme (parents, children, everyone!) and give us a healing story rather than a hopeless one. Can we make it through the horrors or not? More importantly, can we make it together and stop this sacrifice madness??? I think we need stories that heal and give us hope!!!

p.s. for posterity: Season 4 will have "Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree" playing in one of the diner's jukebox. Mark.My.Words.

[berberriescorner]

Hello! Stoping by to tell you I love your Husband/Father!Rio mini series. I know you don't take request, but was just wondering if you plan on giving us anymore glimpses of this cute little family? I love the way you write them. Hope you're doing okay and feeling better.

I'm doing okay, love. Good days and bad days, but I'm pushing through. Thanks for asking💜! I hope you're doing okay as well!

You're in luck, love bug! I cooked something up for them just the other day. The idea came to me, and I just had to get it out😆. I had planned to post it the other day, but I just didn't have the energy.

When I tell y'all this was the most frustrating mood board I've ever worked on🙄. I had it exactly to my liking and went to save...nothing happened. I tried everything before giving in and hitting the refresh button. Lost all my progress and had to start from scratch. That being said, enjoy, comment, and stop being scary with that reblog button😆🧡!

Inspired By💜🧡:

“It Be Your Own Blood”

Snickers filled the room, making way for the side eye your husband gave his two eldest daughters. His eyes moved at a snail’s pace before landing on you. Rio kissed his teeth as he watched your shoulders bounce up and down in silent giggles. You did everything to hold the laughter in, but his reaction made it difficult.

“Ain't a damn thing funny about any of this, mama,” he rasped.

Rio groaned as a tiny hand collided with his thigh. Sucking in a frustrated breath, he looked down, eyes settling on your third and youngest daughter.

“Daddy! You said a bad word. You’re not getting any dessert tonight. Gon’ miss out on all da candies,” she scolded, finger wagging in his direction.

“Alright, little miss thing. You're about to lose candy privileges as well. Are you supposed to be putting your hands on other people,” you reprimanded.

Her head tilted to the side, confusion written on her face. Big amber-colored eyes stretched with realization. “Sorry, Daddy,” she offered in a sweet baby voice.

“It's all good, baby girl. Daddy ain't mean to say a bad word.”

Rio noticed you and the two oldest rolling your eyes, hands flying in the air.

“Now, what I do?”

“These babies got you wrapped around their fingers.”

Just as Rio was about to argue your point, baby boy piped up, reminding him why he was irritated in the first place. The agitated toddler yanked at his pant leg. They eyed one another as his cute, chubby little hands stretched toward your husband. 

“Bae! Up!”

Laughter filled the room once more. You locked eyes with your husband. He side-eyed you as he picked the bossy toddler up.

Your husband nodded towards the chubby tot, “This is what I’m talkin’ about. These little goons talkin’ to me crazy.”

Rio’s brown orbs stared into identical eyes. “Aye, listen, little dude. You’re my mans and all, but you gon’ stop with this bae mess. Can you say Daddy?” Rio pointed at himself and enunciated slowly, “Daddy.”

The little tyrant giggled, shook his head no, and shouted, “Bae!”’

“Listen, little man, we ain't about to be roaming this neighborhood, decked out in the finest of costumes, with you hollering bae at me every five minutes.”

His little feet kicked as he bounced in his father’s arms.

“Baebaebae,” he retorted, doing a little jig.

“How old was little mama when we finally got her to switch back to daddy from bae?”

“Christopher, baby. He's in his terrible twos. Baby boy’s going to do what he wants. Don't fight it, bae-.”

“You do realize you're the problem. That's why I like it when you call me da-.”

Your hand connected with the back of his head softly. “Christopher!”

“I’m just saying, sweetheart. You got my boy over here thinking that’s my name. Put Daddy on repeat, and maybe he’ll get it right. Use my other nickname more often. Papa–that I can rock with.”

“You do realize the more you fight it—he’ll continue to say it, right?”

“All these kids are petty like their momma. It be your own blood, for real. I thought you was the homie, son,” he teased the babbling toddler.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing. At least people will know not to try them,” you sassed.

Rio’s face lit up at that. “You right, mama. Come, kiss Daddy,” he demanded.

“Baebae!”

“That’s opp behavior, son. Do better,” he chuckled as he rubbed his hand across your growing bump.

He kissed, leaving a playful bite on your bottom lip as his free hand grabbed a handful of your round, plump derrière. “I love this green dress on you, mama. I’m feeling this—what are the ladies callin’ them these days? Bust down middle parts,” he quoted. Rio stared at you lustfully, “That honey blonde lookin’ good on you, darlin’. He leaned closer and whispered in your ear, “Wear it to bed tonight.”

“Calm yourself, husband. The children are present.”

Rio bit his lip, nodding his head in appreciation. “Who are you dressed as this year,” he questioned, stealing another kiss.

“Pregnant Beyoncé, duh! You know this is giving very much Queen Bey. Don’t play with your girl. You ain’t gotta worry, b-Papa.” You twirled strands around a finger, biting your lip, “This is an install. You have plenty of time to enjoy her in private.”  Leaning closer, finishing in a mumble, “Can’t wait for you to come up with a name for this alter ego.”

“You need to bust out the red joint again. I’m anticipating a visit from Red Ryder soon,” he insisted.

Clearing her throat, the eldest child brought you two back to more important matters. You chuckled, “Sorry, loves. Let’s revert to more important topics such as these beauties.” Pointing at each child, oldest to youngest, you explained their costume. “Please believe if I’m going as momma Bey, you gotta have Blue and Rumi. Then we have the beautiful Little Mermaid—Halle Bailey’s version, of course, and last, but most certainly not least—Sir Carter.”

“Mama, is this why you got me dressed in black tie? Let me guess—.”

“Yep! You Billionaire Hov. You’re not a businessman. You’re a business, man!” you boasted, popping your tongue. “Minus the cheating, of course. You know not to play with me. Sorry, Bey! Shade but no shade.”

“BAE!”

“Let’s go before this little menace says it again,” Rio sighed. “Everybody got their Halloween buckets?”

He looked toward the oldest, and she took the words out of his mouth, “Make sure you hold your sister’s hands. I know, Daddy.”

Rio continued, “Remember-.”

“Always say Trick or Treat, be polite, and don’t hustle anybody for extra candy. Daddy, we got this, chill,” she finished once more.

His head tilted to the side as he mumbled, “Got a response for everything. Stop laughing, mama. She’s not that funny. Everybody, come on. We out.”

Did you cackle? I hope so😜! Rio, wifey, and children are such a trip😆. Please be sure to show your girl love, my sweet babies💜🧡.

Divider Credit: @firefly-graphics

Tagging some lovelies💜🧡:

@darqchilddaydreamz @4everbrookemarie @starrynite7114

@nightlywords7 @fineanddandy @rio-reid-whoreee

@novaniskye @that-one-anxious-mango @1andonlytashae

@blkbutterfly816 @lovedlover @vanityinvenus @librarian1002

@banana123pudding @fezcosonlylove @sunshine-flower

@invisiblegiurl @astoldbychae @percosim @amorestevens

@alertyoulikeitsamber

[kidcosky]

Okay.... Let's analyze what happened in dcmk these last few weeks. Obvious SPOLIERS will be commented so you know.

> Appearance of Aoko's mother in Magic Kaito.

Where was she all this time? Why did she never appear or even show a sign of life? She didn't even call her daughter on her birthday... She appears so oblivious to everything, she didn't even know who Kaitou Kid was since her husband has always been obsessed with trying to catch this thief for YEARS. It seems like Gosho just randomly placed her in the story without trying to connect with the canon, it's almost as if she was a character outside of her original manga.

> Film 27 and its breaks in logic and common sense.

After all these years, Gosho decided to go against everything he had already said and made the Kaishin to be cousins, not only ruining a unique relationship (whether you shipped or not) but also bringing plot holes and contradictions in the story. If they are cousins ​​what's the excuse for them never trying to even interact before? Why was it that when Yukiko first met Kaito, she never acted like she was related to her? The same with Toichi, she always talked about him as just her teacher and NOTHING more than that, it doesn't make sense to put that in the story now. Why did Kaito never even have support from his family? Not even showing up at Toichi's symbolic funeral? How come Yusaku never went to talk to his late brother's family, even if he knew the truth KAITO DIDN'T KNOW...

No one even considered his feelings...

> All the bullshit involving Kaishin.

The biggest problem for me about them being cousins ​​is not just because of the ship but because of all the history and construction they had. It's as if everything that's different about them is summed up in the simple fact that they're related. But Kaishin has always had something unique, something that Gosho himself defined as "a mysterious bond". Them not having the slightest type of relationship made everything so unique, a connection that only the two of them could have together, one would easily understand the other even though they were complete strangers. Now I feel like they want to throw that away.

> TOICHI KUROBA AND MY HATE FOR HIM.

Gosho had already said that Toichi was possibly alive but the confirmation brought me a wave of anger and contempt that I had never felt for any other dcmk character (even bo). Let's think about Kaito in this whole story:

• lost his father when he was just a child and is still traumatized by it today.

• for 8 FUCKING YEARS he discovers that his father's death was never an accident but a murder.

• His father was actually an internationally wanted thief who was after a precious stone capable of bringing immortality.

• he steps into his father's shoes as KID and decides to try to find out for himself what happened to his father, who killed him and why.

• now there is a criminal organization that thinks he is the KID who didn't really die and they are trying to kill him once and for all.

• he decides to put himself at risk looking for Pandora, being something belonging to the organization and the police themselves.

• a lot of people hate him, regardless of whether he hurts people or not.

• more and more he becomes more and more removed from everything and becomes burdened with the KID charade.

• his own mother doesn't care about him, on the contrary, it seems like she likes to make things even more difficult for her son (she disguised herself as her dead ex-husband just to screw with her son's head, that's sickening to say the least).

• everything Kaito does is because of his father's murder, he never wanted to be KID, he never liked stealing, he doesn't do any of that for pleasure (except when it involves a certain mini detective but that's not the focus now ).

• and in the end his father was ALIVE all this time, doing who knows what while his son was risking his life because of him... BRO...

This whole thing is insane. And not in a good way.

[bonefall]

ohhh it would be interesting if dove and Icewing became friends

consider: dovewing relates to all the journeying cats in their own way, and makes a connection, and Ivypool is furious bc it seems like she’s purposely doing it to annoy her but really everyone is getting tired of her making it all about herself and dovewing is just being nice

I think Icewing being the breakout emotional core of BB!Ivypool's Heart would be a very good idea, and I'm fixing to keep it in mind as a fragment going forward.

One thing that I want to be conscious of is that I don't want to "overcorrect" my issues with the story by veering into outright bashing. I want to rework this SE in a way that validates and explores the grief that ALL of the cats are going through. That includes Ivypool.

My biggest problem with the excerpt that was shared is actually that it's once again DOVEWING who has to do it, while she's in the middle of mourning. I don't dislike the idea that she gets support, nor the fact that Ivypool is acting like her worst self because of what she's going through.

Something I do like is the way that Ivypool knows what she's saying is nasty but does it anyway because "YOU ASKED FOR IT," immediately realizes how fucking horrible it was to say, and anticipates a scolding... but then doesn't get it. I feel like Icewing is a good character to do that.

The scene would also bite more if there was a little bit of truth to what Ivypool's saying, too, imo. If instead of "You lost a sick baby which is less bad than losing an adult child" (what) it was "you lost your son a long time ago and you didn't protect him!" (Ouch, also kind of reflects on herself and her own failure to protect BB!Bris who dies twice)... and then Icewing just gets a little quiet.

A flash of hurt and concern settles across her eyes, but not anger. Ivypool hates that, but not as much as she hates herself for getting into this situation. Being at the mercy of another cat.

It makes good chemistry, between the three of them. Dovewing not tolerating Ivypool's mistreatment, but being close with Icewing. Ivypool resenting Icewing's connection to the sister she wants back in her life, but also coming to appreciate her kindness. Icewing revealing that she uses caring for other people as a way to cope with her own losses-- of which she has many.

All that to say; I feel like Icewing will make a good character to help tell this story, someone to bridge the gap between the two sisters I plan to keep estranged.

[snakeunderyourboot]

kind of obsessed with this theme of not belonging to earth in midnight burger

like....Gloria, Ava, Casper and Leif. They are all humans. They were born on Earth, they lived there their whole life, they know how to act and behave when they are with other humans.

And yet. Earth is not for them.

It is seen primarily in Leif, with hjis whole backstory. Even his own mother referring to him as someone "who fell out from space". He left the Earth with the first chance and he never looked back. Sure, he may sometimes grow nostalgic, but he never regretted his decision. Earth is not his home and the problem is not even in how much Earth is undeveloped not only by the standards of Triad but even by Leif's standards. He doesn't understand people, he doesn't understand why they do what they do. What's even more prominent with Leif is how the only space he belongs is SPACE. Like COSMOS. Not some other planet or moon, just the entirety of space. His first real friend is an alien journalist!!! And the only humans he managed to connect to are literary the ones pulled from 20 years from his time(on Earth) and in a dimension spinning time warping diner!

But this idea, of not belonging to Earth, is also present in Gloria and Ava and even Casper. It's not as prominent as with Leif, but it is still present.

Gloria admits she never liked the idea of marriage and kids. Her parents were the only stable relationship she had. Her whole life, blood and soul was her restaurant and when she lost it she had no idea what to do with herself.

Ava, who as we know, is so much smarter than everyone else. The academia hurt her so much because they didn't understand her. She wanted to figure out the WHOLE UNIVERSE and had not only the guts to do it, but also the brain power. Somewhere, where other people would long gave up, she remained stubborn and victorious.

And even Casper. I must admit, right now I am only on episode 38 and this whole season seems to be heavily focused on Casper and his relation to the diner, so I may not know something BUT! BUT! You cannot tell me, that his son running from home wasn't his excuse to get out from his life. Of course, he went looking for him, no objections here, but it also was an opportunity for him to sort of quit. Just get out. I'm not sure what the future holds for him, there are hints that he may leave Midnight Burger, which honestly I kiiiind of sad about it? I think it would be really cool if he has a chance to leave the midnight burger but chose not to. Because now - similar to how it was at the end of season 2, when he talked to Ava - he chooses this. He chooses those people, he chooses Midnight Burger. It is a conscious choice, the same it was with Ava, Gloria, and Leif.

Anyway. Something about you being born on this planet and then realizing this is not your planet. The problem is not with you or your environment, the problem is with the whole fucking planet. Something about you being stuck there because humanity made only the first steps into space exploration and you will die sooner than get into space. You living with this thought that you are stuck here. There is no escape.

And then you see a diner.

[alisonwritesimagines]

Different ~Simon Riley Imagine~

Summary: You and Simon stay connected for the sake of your son. But events eventually lead you two back together in a way you both didn't expect.

Author’s Note: I've had this in my drafts and I was debating if I should release it or not. So I decided to free it from the drafts.

Based on the song Different by Joshua Bassett

Part One

Reader’s Pronouns: She/Her

Warnings: character deaths, spoilers for Modern Warfare 3

Do not repost this anywhere!

Simon wishes he could hate Mitch. In a messed up way he desperately wants to hate him. But he can’t.

He’s a perfect step father to his son and an amazing father to your daughters, he’s the perfect husband, and he’s able to be home with you without making you worry if he was going to come back dead or alive. Mitch is what Simon wishes he was for you.

Ever since Simon found out about his son, he wanted to get to know him. He didn’t never wanted to be like his father. He wanted to be better. So whenever he had the chance, Simon would go see his son.

“Did you see that soccer game the other day?” Mitch asked Simon.

“You mean football?”

“Right right. I forget you Brits call it football.”

“Makes more sense doesn’t it?” Simon asked.

“I guess in a sense.”

It was Levi’s birthday and Simon and Johnny came over to America to visit and celebrate. Levi was officially 8 years old and was now an older brother to two sisters.

“When do you guys plan on coming to visit again?” Simon asked.

“We’re thinking the summer. Might take the kids to Disneyland Paris this time too,” Mitch tells him.

“They’ll enjoy that.”

“How are you and Johnny?” Mitch asked him. The best thing about Mitch, he was never the one to judge. Sure he was upset at Simon for cheating on you but you had told Mitch that you had forgiven Simon and Mitch trusts your judgement.

“Good. Good.”

“Okay boys. I am in need to help now,” you say as you carried your youngest.

“I got her babe,” Mitch said before putting his drink down and taking his youngest daughter in his arms. “You can hang out with me and Uncle Simon.”

“Thank you darling,” you say before giving him a quick kiss.

It always stung in Simon’s heart when you kissed Mitch. It’s selfish of him to think this way but there was always a part of him that wanted you back even after all this time. It was wrong to think this way but he knew he would always love you. Even if he did love Johnny.

After the party, Simon and Johnny helped you and Mitch clean up.

“You know you guys don’t have to stay behind to help clean right?” You asked.

“You did more than enough for today and with planning all this. Go relax,” Simon tells you.

“But-“

“We got this Bonnie. It’s the least we can do for you,” Johnny tells you. You let out a sigh in defeat before walking over to your daughters.

“Okay girls! Bath time,” you say. You picked up your two girls before walking upstairs to get them cleaned. Simon watched with a sad smile as you kissed the top of your daughters’ heads.

—

Simon came straight to you after the worst mission he had ever been on.

You gave Simon a hug the moment he told you the news. Johnny was gone. Killed in action. The last time you saw him heartbroken was when you found out about him and Johnny and you had called him Ghost.

“Anything we can do for you?” You asked him.

“I just need something to distract myself,” Simon tells you.

“Levi has a soccer game tomorrow if you want to join us,” you tell him.

“Yes please.”

“How long have you been grieving?”

“I think long enough.”

“I don’t think so,” you shook your head.

“What-“

“You loved him Simon. It’s okay to be in grief for a long time,” you tell him. Simon hugged you again, not wanting to let you go.

“Thank you.”

“I’m here for you.”

—

Soon, it was Simon’s turn to comfort you. You had lost Mitch in a car accident when he was coming back from work one night. Simon made sure the kids were fed and taken care of while trying to help keep you fed and alive.

“I’m here for you love. I always will be,” Simon tells you. You cried into his chest, passing out from exhaustion on the couch in his arms only an hour later.

Simon was no longer in SAS but he did help with training new recruits after capturing and killing Makrov. Not as dangerous as before but he still had a steady job and was able to take care of you and the kids.

“What if we go out tomorrow night?” Simon asked you one night. It had been five months since he had been helping you with your kids.

“What do you mean?” You asked as you were cleaning up your kitchen.

“Just you and me. We can go see a movie or grab dinner together?” Simon suggested.

“Would this be a date?” You asked him with a look.

“No. More of a hang out,” Simon tells you.

“Okay,” you say unconvinced.

“I don’t want to force you into anything. I’m letting things go slow,” Simon tells you. You nodded before beginning to do the dishes.

-

Levi had reached the age where he was finally old enough to know that Simon was his biological father. You and Simon had sat Levi at the table before telling him the news.

“Do you have any questions for us?” You asked Levi as you sat across from him.

“Why did you leave him?” Levi asked you as he glared at Simon.

“Because he fell in love with someone else.”

“And why are you with him now? Aren’t you afraid he’ll hurt you again? This is bullshit,” Levi said angrily.

“Language,” you warn.

“So you hurt her, let her marry someone else, and once he’s gone you just think you can come back into her life like that?” Levi yelled at Simon who had been silent since the conversation started. He knew that Levi would be mad at him. He knew Levi would be angry. And he didn’t mine because he knew that this would be upsetting.

“Levi, I know I hurt her. I should have never hurt her but I did. We’re going through couples therapy together and it’s been helping us. Your mother has forgiven me enough for me to be back into her life,” Simon explains to him.

“What do I even call you now? My dad is dead and my whole life I’ve only seen you as Uncle Simon. Do you expect me to call you dad now?” Levi asked, still angry at the news.

“You can call me whatever makes you comfortable right now. I don’t expect you or your sisters to accept me now but I am here for you three and your mother,” Simon tells him.

Levi shook his head before getting up and heading towards his room. You looked at Simon with a sad look.

“Do you think we did the right thing?” You asked.

“Yes. He’s old enough now and he just needs to get use to it. It’s better to tell him now than later,” Simon tells you. You nodded before looking at a picture of the wall with you and Mitch.

“I wonder what it would’ve been like if Mitch was still around.”

“Could be the same reaction,” Simon tells you before placing his hand on yours.

—

The girls loved Simon on the other hand. They loved it whenever he caved into their games and how he would let them put makeup or nail polish on him. Mitch took care of Levi and now, Simon was returning the favor in protecting and caring for Mitch’s daughters.

“Uncle Simon?” Your youngest asked Simon one day.

“Yes?”

“How come I can’t see my daddy anymore?” Macy asked him.

“You’ll be able to see him again. Just not now. He’s somewhere where we can’t touch or see but one day in the long future, you’ll see him again,” Simon told her.

He loved the girls. He would protect them no matter what and was always weak whenever they would give him puppy eyes when you say no to them. Simon knew they weren't his daughters, but he can be the best father figure they needed as they grew up.

“Will you ever leave us?” Macy asked him.

“No. Not unless you tell me to leave you,” Simon tells her.

“I don’t want you to leave us,” Macy said as she hugged him.

“Then I won’t leave,” Simon said, hugging her back.

—

Simon had waited this for a long time. To see you in a white dress, walking to him, and saying your vows together. Even if it was in a courtroom with just your kids, your parents, Price, Laswell, and Gaz to witness you two. It was perfect for him.

So here you two are, having dinner with everyone at your favorite restaurant with close friends and family who you wanted at the reception. Neither you or Simon cared for a big fancy wedding. You had already gotten your dream wedding with Mitch and Simon wanted to keep things lowkey. So you both agreed for a courthouse wedding then dinner at your favorite place.

“Proud of you,” Price told Simon as he patted his back. The two were drinking a beer as you talked to Laswell and Gaz.

“Thanks.”

“I know Johnny would’ve been happy for you too.”

“He would’ve enjoyed this,” Simon added.

“She’s a good woman, Simon. Make sure you keep her this time.”

“I will.”

“Hey. Um dad?” Levi asked Simon awkwardly. Levi still had conflicted feelings in called Simon dad after calling him Uncle Simon for so long. But he eventually accepted the fact that Simon was his biological father.

“Yeah kid?”

“Mom wants to know if you wanna do the cake now,” Levi asked.

“Tell her yes. We can do the cake,” Simon told his son. Levi nodded before going back to you.

Simon walked over to you before wrapping his arms around your waist. Your mom brought out the cake for you two before she took a couple pictures of you both and then with you two and the kids.

"To Mr. and Mrs. Riley. We wish you two nothing but happiness," John said as he raised his drink.

"Thank you all for being here with us," you say before you and Simon cut the cake for everyone.

After your reception, your parents took the kids to watch them over the weekend while you and Simon got to enjoy the honeymoon. Simon and you slow danced in the hotel's garden. The staff didn't want to interrupt you both as you both had a moment alone together.

"Thank you for giving me a second chance," Simon says to you.

"I'm surprised you waited for me."

"You're the only person I'd ever wait for."

"Do you think they're happy for us?" You asked Simon.

"Knowing them, I'm sure Mitch and Johnny would've wanted us happy and safe. No matter what," Simon tells you. You smiled softly up at him before giving him a gentle kiss.

You rested your head on him as you both continued to dance to the music from your phone.

[live-laugh-neteyam]

And Everything In Between ||| neteyam x human!reader

masterlist

The Moon epilogue

Strongly recommend reading part 1 first

pairings: neteyam × human!fem!reader

summary: the moon is always there, even when we can’t see it

words: 1.9k

warnings/notes: slight angst, a bit of fluff, grief, death, mentions of blood, violence/battle, gunshots, scenes from the way of water depicted, a bit sad but ultimately sweet, okay so originally there wasn’t going to be a part two but I accidentally emotionally devastated a few people so I’m trying to redeem myself lol I can’t afford therapy for all of you so hopefully this will do

The sun shown through the entrance of his tent causing Neteyam to stir in his sleep. Groaning he rolled over trying to delay waking up for as long as possible. Instinctively reaching out he went to pull you into his chest. But there was nothing but empty space beside him.

That’s when he opened his eyes. Neteyam was met with your vacant spot. For a moment panic coursed through his veins, but then he remembered. You were gone.

Sighing he ran a hand over his face trying not to cry. Every now and then he had moments were he forgot. A split second where you were alive and well. His mind dancing around with the ghost of you. Until he remembered that it was all a lie. No matter how hard he tried not to, he always remembered.

Your heart stopped and his won’t shut off. It had been months since your death and Neteyam still wasn’t sure how to live on without you. How does one move on after finding the person that made them complete?

Neteyam took comfort in the fact that you were with Eywa now, but being human you were never able to connect with the spirit tree. He wouldn’t be able to see you again until he joined the great mother himself.

Memories of you were starting to become fuzzy. He was having trouble remembering the sound of your voice. The sound of your laugh. He hated himself for it.

Nothing would heal the wound of your loss. Your death gutted Neteyam. Ripping his heart out and taking it with you. As months past he felt more and more hollow. Time wasn’t soothing him like everyone said it would. Time without you only made him feel worse.

“You can talk to me. You know that right?” Kiri asked her brother. She eyed him worriedly.

“There is nothing to say.” Neteyam answered without emotion.

She sighed. Kiri knew there was nothing she could say to him to ease the hurt. She had been consoling Spider ever since your passing. It was something neither of them would recover from.

“Have you seen Spider lately?”

“No.”

“Well maybe you should. Maybe talking to him would help. He lost his sister-“

“Y/N is dead.” Neteyam snapped. “There is nothing to talk about. Nothing will change that.” He coldly spoke.

Neteyam felt guilty for the harshness of his words. He also felt guilt because he hadn’t even thought about how Spider was doing. Neteyam was so lost in his selfish grief he never once thought about the other people who loved you.

Kiri sighed getting up to leave. She wouldn’t keep wasting her time talking to the brick wall that was her brother. “It doesn’t have to be me. It doesn’t have to be Spider. But you should talk to someone.”

The one person he wanted to talk to wasn’t there. Sighing he looked up at the moon and thought of you.

After months of close calls with the sky people Jake made the decision to leave the clan. The people would be safe if they left since Quaritch was only after Jake.

Neteyam didn't have anything to say about leaving home. He packed up and left doing exactly what his father asked of him.

Jake prayed that the move would not only keep his family safe but also help Neteyam. Maybe the change of scenery would lift his spirits. The Olo'eyktan knew the loss of a mate was unbearable, but it broke his heart to see his son a shell of who he once was.

Neteyam stuck mostly to himself. He didn’t want to cause trouble amongst the Metkayina clan. He also just didn’t have the energy to pretend. To pretend he was happy. Pretend to be enjoying his lessons. None of it mattered to him anymore.

There was a part of him that wanted Eywa to take him now. He wouldn’t mind dying if it meant seeing you again. He didn't think he could ever move on.

Knowing that wasn't what you would've wanted for him filled him with shame. Neteyam knew you were still there somewhere; like the moon during the day is always there, even when we can't see it. The idea of you being disappointed in him broke the remaining shards of his heart.

So he tried his best to live the way you would've wanted. Taking walks along the beach thinking of how you would've loved to see this. Neteyam could picture your beautiful eyes full of wonder discovering every new experience. The idea of it put a small smile on his face.

Neteyam started taking his lessons with the Metkayina seriously. He found comfort in the breathing exercises, using them more to calm his anxious heart than to swim.

Finally settling into his new life, Neteyam felt like he could be happy with the Metkayina. But that feeling didn't last long. It seemed like every time he found happiness it was ripped away from him.

Quaritch had found them. Before Neteyam knew it he was in the middle of a battle on the water. Racing his Ilu towards the ship he swiftly hopped aboard. He made quick work of freeing his siblings from their restraints.

“Let’s go.” He commanded them, ready to get everyone to safety.

“We have to go back for Spider.” Lo’ak insisted.

The last thing Neteyam wanted was to go back. Letting out a growl he nodded heading into the ship along with Lo'ak. Neteyam had to go back not just for Spider but for you. He couldn't just leave your brother with the enemy.

The pair swiftly took out the guards that held Spider captive. Neteyam was leading them out when Lo'ak stopped to pick up a gun.

Neteyam saw an avatar stalking towards them ready to shoot. “Give me that!” He hissed ripping the gun from Lo’ak’s grasp.

“Go!” Neteyam roared pushing his brother towards the ledge of the boat. Lo’ak hesitated watching his brother prepare to shoot. Without wasting any more time Spider grabbed Lo’ak’s arm and pulled him overboard.

Pulling the trigger he shot without any real aim. Neteyam was just hoping to hold them off long enough to escape. Throwing the gun to the ground he leapt over the railing.

A warm shooting feeling filled his chest. Neteyam brushed it off to adrenaline. Struggling to reach the surface in the water he placed a hand over his chest. A stabbing pain erupted through him. Looking down he saw red seeping out of a bullet hole in his chest.

Barely holding his head above the water he could make out the faint noise of Lo’ak and Spider celebrating. “I’ve been shot.” Neteyam croaked out attempting to apply pressure to his wound.

Fading in and out of consciousness he faintly registered Lo’ak pulling him onto his Ilu. Lo’ak and Spider lifted him up onto the first rock they came to.

“Dad help!” Lo’ak yelled on the verge of tears. “It’s Neteyam. He’s hurt.”

Jake’s eyes widen in horror watching his oldest son bleed out. After carefully laying him down he turned him over to inspect the wound. The bullet had went through.

Jake grit his teeth with tears in his eyes. Neteyam was going to die and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Neteyam could make out the screams of his mother as she dismounted her Ikran. His breath became labored as he desperately tried to suck in air.

He watched his family circle around him crying. They were waiting for him to die. Helplessly watching him as he bled out.

“I want to go home.” He breathed staring up at his family.

“I know.” Jake said through tears. “We’re gonna go home.”

Neteyam thought of home. He thought of you. It didn’t matter where he was physically you were his home. Smiling through the pain his mind filled with memories of you.

A sense of calm washed over him. Neteyam was no longer in fear of death. He wanted to let his family know he’d be okay, that soon he’d be with you. But his throat was closing in. His lungs unable to take in the air they needed.

“Dad I-“ he tried to speak quickly fading out.

Looking up to the sky is was eclipse. Night had become his favorite time. He would look up to the moon and think of you. Neteyam hoped to catch one last glance of the moon.

Chest falling for the last time his vision turned dark. He wasn’t afraid of death. Not when he knew the moon would guide him home.

Opening his eyes Neteyam was met with a blinding white light. The last thing he remembered was laying on that rock.

"Neteyam." A familiar voice called to him.

He stood up trying to take in his surroundings. He was somewhere in the forest back home. Running a hand along his chest he noticed the bullet wound was gone.

"Ma'Teyam." The voice again. He knew that voice.

It couldn't be could it?

Turning around he was met with you. The you before you fell ill. Your eyes were practically glowing, your face lit up with a smile.

"Y/N?" He croaked before running towards you on his wobbly legs.

Falling to his knees he pulled you into his embrace. Neteyam squeezed you tight as if you'd vanish into thin air if he didn't.

"Is it you?" He cried. "Is this real?"

"Oh Ma'Teyam." You coo, gingerly holding his head in your arms. "It's real. I'm right here."

"Don't leave me again." His body shaking in sobs.

"Mawey, love. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here." Gently running your fingers through his braids.

"I've missed you. So much." Neteyam choked out. Tears were streaming down his cheeks.

You placed a kiss on the top of his head. "I missed you too."

Looking up at you he tried to calm his breathing. You were here. You were safe. You were alive. Cupping your face in his heads he pulled you to his lips capturing you in a kiss.

You kissed him back and Neteyam felt his heart soar. This was real. He finally felt at peace; holding his entire world in his arms. You were his moon, his stars, and everything in between.

"I thought I told you to take your time skxáwng." You giggled.

"Can't help it." He mumbled against your lips. "I love you to the moon and back. I'll always come back to you."

Smiling you pulled him closer for another kiss. Neteyam had dreamt of this moment ever since your death. You were finally his again and he was never letting you go.

"Come on. Let me show you around." You giggled before pecking his lips one last time.

Without missing a beat he took your hand in his. Neteyam never wanted to lose physical contact with you again.

Taking a deep breath he smiled as silent tears streamed down his face. In the presence of the great mother, Neteyam felt a calmness like he had never felt before. Finally he was at peace with you by his side.

Neteyam smiled as you lead him through the paradise like forest. You happily babbled about everything you had discovered. He was ready to spend forever with you. Never to be parted again.

You were here, holding his hand. There is no death. Only change.

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[ladykailitha]

The latest in the Steddie brain rot, so you now those crossword thingies where they say the first three words use see are x (your love life for the next year, your new year's resolutions, stuff like that)?

There was one for fan fiction, the words I saw were enemies to lovers, historical, and time travel.

I'd link to it but FB refreshed and I lost it.

But buckle up, babes, we're going in for a ride.

Hawkins has always been hell. There was no denying that. Eddie in 1983 isn't sure he's going to graduate high school. Yes, he knows it's only October, but school really sucks.

All the bullshit with his dad and trying to make life suck just a little less, he accidentally stumbles on a Gate. But not to the Upside Down. At least monsters he handle (not really, but he's trying to be brave), but snobbish upper class in the middle ages? Yeah, that's going to be a problem.

Like he knows how to talk and how to act, he's be researching the hell out of that stuff since he was a kid.

He doesn't know how to get back , so he kinda wings it and becomes a traveling minstrel. Like it pays decently enough and people will talk to him.

Then he hears of a little princeling who hasn't smiled since his mother died and King Richard is willing to pay a handsome sum to whoever can make the prince smile.

Eddie decides to take up the challenge. If he can get into court, then he have more of ear to the ground to be able to get back to his own time.

The initial audition does NOT go well. The king doesn't like him and the prince is in different.

So Eddie runs his mouth. It really should have gotten him killed or at least thrown in jail, he calls the prince a couple of rather choice insults. And holy fuck, the Prince smirks.

It's not a smile, it should have not counted as one. But the king does. He tells Eddie, now named suitably Edwin (yes he knows his parents named him Edward, but Edwin seemed older somehow), that he now has 30 days to turn that smirk into a real smile as that is when the ball for the Prince to chose his bride and he can NOT have a dour son.

Eddie gets thrown into the Prince's room and is told to stay there until after the ball.

And now he's pissed. That was not the plan. He needs to find a way to get back home. To running water, heated buildings, and flushing toilets.

Dressing up is one thing, D&D is another, but this is Hell. What he wouldn't give to go back to the hellscape that was Hawkins High.

The prince he's learns is named Stephan, so piss him off Eddie calls him Stevie.

The two are hostile to each other. Steve doesn't want the ball, he doesn't want to laugh or smile. He wants to mourn his mother in peace, thank you very much. Which pisses Eddie off. He didn't get the luxury of mourning his mom, and he was much younger than Steve. Dude is nearly twenty. Grow up.

They start snapping and sniping at each other. But close proximity to each other starts to wear off their sharper edges, and they learn to tolerate each other, then like each other.

Then just two days before the deadline, Eddie makes Steve laugh. The King is overjoyed and now Eddie feels terrible. He forgot the price to be paid for making Steve was laugh was to lose him.

As he's packing up to go, a duchess named Eleanor slips into his room and tells him she knows he's from the future and she knows how to get him back. He needs to stay at the castle. So she "hires" him as her personal bard.

Steve is surprised and happy to know that he's still around. The ball comes and he's introduced to a lot of beautiful, rich, well connected women. Lady Christine from France, Duchess Tamera from Russia, Countess Annaka from Germany, and Marchioness Martina of Italy. (Am I borrowing from my other medieval story? Maybe a little. Shush!)

Steve is forced to wait on these women hand and foot, all the while his cousin, the Thomas, the Duke of Hagan is cozying up to King Richard, making an all to obvious bid for the throne.

Lady Eleanor has figured out how to get Eddie home, but Eddie doesn't want to leave without Steve, so he tells him who he really is. Steve wants to believe him , but it's so fantastical.

He starts packing up a bunch of his clothes, his mom's jewelry, and some trinkets from his past that he wants to keep. He has about three bags full and Eddie is getting antsy.

Steve runs into Lady Christine and tells her he's running away and she can either move to the side, or he's going to have to tie her up and gag her. Because he will not be stopped.

She winks at him and runs to the opposite direction Eddie and Steve are going and starts screaming there is an intruder in the castle.

All the guards go rushing to her, leaving the path Steve and Eddie need to travel free.

They get to the gate and Lady Eleanor shoves an scroll into Steve's hand, telling him that all she asks in payment is that when the time comes, when meets a little girl named Jane, with extraordinary powers to give her the scroll. It will help her end the troubles once and for all.

They jump through the gate and they land in the forest behind Forest Hills, just three days from when Eddie left.

Eddie does not graduate that year, because he's too busy teaching his boyfriend modern life and dealing with actual fucking monsters, who knew?

Steve gives Eleven the scroll when he learns her real name is Jane and she has so many questions, but with the information Lady Eleanor gave her, she can completely collapse the entire system. Return it to just a place where nightmares come from and not actually evil.

It takes a lot of effort and some major team ups, but she does it. The Upside Down is no more.

Eddie keeps asking Steve what he's going to with the stuff he brought with him, until Steve sells one of the trinkets to a museum and gets serious money from it. Steve explains that historians are the same no matter the era. You show them something that will blow theories out of the water and they will eat that shit up.

And they live happily ever after.

A lot of museums come calling but after learning about vaults hundreds of feet below their building, hiding treasures from the world out of greed, he will only sell to earnest collectors and small well funded museums that he in turn donates to.

Steve also learns Thomas and Christine married but he died shortly procuring an heir and she took over as regent making her the best queen they ever had.

[solitaryandwandering]

A Ramble: Love in the Big City Eps 1-2

I just watched episode 2 of Love in the Big City and I am... reeling. Cried when Kim Nam Gyu died, when Yeong and Mi Rae sang together at the wedding, cried at the crushing ending line. I loved the direction in these two episodes; one of the reasons I was super excited to watch this was because they're switching up the directors for each part. Such a cool way to signal transitions in Yeong's life. Now that I've seen the caliber Son Tae Gyum operated at I'm intrigued to see how direction will affect the next parts. Maybe I'll write up a thing about that in the end, but I'm hopeful others will as well! I am chomping at the bit to read the book, seriously!!

I have to mention first what a BALLSY move it was for them to open on Yeong's tryst with a man who was cheating on someone currently in the military. And he walks in the door, STILL IN UNIFORM. What a fucking slap in the face to hegemonic masculinity!!

After this first part what I am really lingering on are two things: queer loneliness and heteronormativity's relationship to misogyny. I'm just gonna put down my half-baked thoughts, I don't have the time or spoons to formulate coherent sentences haha

Though I saw Nam Gyu's death coming just based on vibes in the first episode, its impact wasn't lessened. Its significance didn't really hit me until I saw how empty his funeral was. Loneliness shaped his life - repression, liberation in meeting another gay man, falling in love with him way too fast, forming a dependent attachment, his desperation/obsessiveness in losing it so abruptly. He expressed his queerness in his photography, voyeuristic and seeking closeness with his subjects in the only way he felt was available to him. He had no friends, no relationships outside of his with Yeong. When Yeong breaks up with him and when he visits him drunk in ep 2, he says "falling in love is not a sin." To me, this shows just how removed from a loving community he has been, how nascent his queerness. He's still processing homophobia, it still influences every move he makes, everything he thinks. Clearly he has not had close relationships with other queers, where he may feel free to unburden himself. He falls back on heteronormative performance of romance, searching the best places for dates, not having anyone to ask. Knowing he's older makes this hurt more.

His story brought to mind the futility of AIDS-related deaths in the U.S., to be honest. I lost my gay uncle before I even knew him, and I know no one from his life. I know it's not a perfect parallel, but that funeral... this emptiness carries beyond one queer person's death. And Yeong's journey in these two episodes is about queer loneliness, of course. But his story is not as tragic as Nam Gyu's. He has (amazing) queer friends, and at one point had Mi Rae. He is much more connected to the queer community than Nam Gyu ever was. Despite his immaturity, Yeong is also much more familiar and comfortable with his queerness. I imagine this thread of self-actualization in the face of loneliness will continue in the rest of the show.

@twig-tea and @poetry-protest-pornography also wrote about queer loneliness in this show: here and here

And then we have Mi Rae, a vitally important relationship in Yeong's life, the love this part of the story is about. I met my best friend in college as well, so this part of the story was bringing up a lot of feelings too. To me, their friendship was as much about navigating heteronormativity as anything else, reflected in Yeong's reflection that "she learned that being a gay man sucks, and I learned that being a woman sucks just as much." Mi Rae is impacted by misogyny in every step of her character's journey: male classmates labeling her a slut and claiming her body for theirs, being groped, her challenges obtaining an abortion and mistreatment by a male doctor (where she literally claims her uterus back), her conflict with her parents (I'm assuming her mother had very rigid ideas of what a woman should be, based on her behavior at the wedding), hiding her past from her boyfriend, forced to defend herself when he questions why she lives with a man, shutting herself off from her relationship with Yeong (and thus rejecting her past) after the wedding. I looked up the status of abortion in Korea (a legal gray zone) and was reminded of how badly women there have it, which provided more context for her behavior.

Yeong must also traverse heteronormativity, which is what ultimately drives a wedge between the two and ends their friendship. In the beginning, their mutual rejection of heteronormative scriptures is what brings them together. He stands up for her against those male classmates, in an interaction steeped with assumptions of his heterosexuality. In rejecting her objectification he made himself a pariah for refusing to participate in normative masculinity. And their relationship continues thus, with her promising never to out him. She betrays him in a moment where she feels her participation in normative heterosexuality is threatened (and, indeed, it is a legitimately precarious position to be put in as a woman). Their brief reconciliation mainly consists of Yeong participating in a heterosexual ritual - he has no access to marriage in Korea. Her singing with him and letting go of her inhibitions for one last time was her goodbye to him and her ultimate acceptance of a more heteronormative life. One he can't participate in.

I hope that made any lick of sense. So looking forward to watching the next week. I am holding myself back from watching the next episodes right now. So hard.