#//it started as a joke then...it got ...more...dumber...

[sugar-coat-it]

The one where Matty reads smut to you

I don't know what to call this but it was fun to write! Shout out Matty reading part of 50 Shades of Grey in like 2015

Fem! Reader

Contains: dom! Matty, him making fun of her shitty romance novel, Matty reading smut to her, recreation of book scene, fingering in front of a mirror, blink and you miss it pussy spanking, praise (good girl)

WC: ~2.8k

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Matty discovers his girlfriend’s secret reading habits and can’t resist recreating one of the scenes. 

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You can feel Matty’s eyes on you without even having to look up from the pages in your hands. A smile twitches at your lips. It’s like a little game, pretending you can’t feel his gaze drinking you in, admiring the way the sunlight streams through the window. The way the light graces you, bathing your skin in glowing warmth. For a man who prides himself on his talent with words, he finds himself speechless. He doesn’t mind it one bit. 

You’d been immersed in your book for hours. Admittedly, it’s not high-brow reading in the slightest. But when life is so serious, sometimes a shitty, steamy romance novel is exactly the remedy you need. Sometimes, you like to disappear into the dynamics of someone else’s life where things are simple and clean-cut. Predictable.

Unhurried, Matty pushes his weight off of the doorframe, padding across the floor to you as you lay on the couch, your book comfortably resting in your lap. He leans down, his necklace dangling in front of your face as he brushes a strand of your hair behind your ear. Your eyes flicker away from the pages when you feel his lips press to your forehead with such tenderness that your heart swoons. You listen to his soft hum as you reach up to cup his face, your fingers naturally finding their place against his jaw. 

“Hi, baby. What have you got there?” he says softly, trailing a hand down your arm absentmindedly. 

“Just a silly romance book,” you answer, marking your page before handing him the book. 

He takes it from you, motioning for you to scoot over on the sofa to make room for him. Curled up at your side, Matty runs his finger down the spine of the book, observing the cover with a squinted, analytical stare. You already know he’s going to have plenty of opinions just from the art on the front alone. 

“You’re not gonna like it. I’m sorry, it’s not philosophical, foreign literature,” you joke, causing him to scoff. 

“Oh god. Don’t start with me, miss,” he murmurs, his eyes flickering over the title, “Well, I certainly don’t read about kissing and stuff but I’m not above trashy reading sometimes. I suppose I always thought these books were for grandmothers and like, desperate housewives.”

“They’re not just for grandmas and housewives!” 

“Alright, alright. Forgive me,” Matty chuckles, kissing your shoulder apologetically, “What’s this one about then?”

You give him a look. An untrusting one. Matty looks at you right back, cocking an eyebrow.

“You’re gonna laugh at me.” 

“No, I won’t. I swear. Tell me.”

Sighing, you watch as he cracks open the book, beginning to leaf through the pages, smirking to himself as he scans over words with eager eyes. He nudges you with his elbow expectantly, waiting for a synopsis of the story that feels increasingly dumber and more cliche the more you think about how to explain it. But, damn it, you’re allowed to read something silly and romantic in your free time if you want!

"She's a princess and he's the knight bound to protect her. He's kind of roguish, and she's never really experienced anything, she's bound to the castle most of the time but she’s still a badass. They fall in love even though they know they can't,” you mutter, watching his smirk grow wider, clearly amused. “Ah, I see. Classic, cheesy, forbidden romance shit,” he nods, glancing over at you with a glint in his eyes (one that means he’s about to say something stupid). “Is the knight hot? Does he have a big sword?”

“Yeah. Huge,” you snort, making Matty cackle in response, flipping through random pages, only making you feel more on edge. You should survive this as long as he doesn’t come across a few particular parts…

He scans over a passage, his brows furrowing slightly as he goes, seeming thoroughly unimpressed by the author. You listen as he mutters the words to himself under his breath, practically being able to see how he’s mentally tearing it to shreds as his eyes catch over the sappy dialogue and paragraphs of woeful yearning. 

“Christ. How many times is she going to use the word ‘longing’? This is… terrible.”

“Would you stop being a critic for once? It’s sweet,” you protest, finding the pining endearing. You’ve always been a slow-burn lover at heart. 

Matty groans, yet he continues to read on, underwhelmed but curiously hooked at the same time. Just as you’d begun to lay your head on his chest to relax, he lets out a laugh, his eyes crinkling at the corners with mirth. 

“Oh, he’s not just protecting her, he’s ‘trailing his calloused hands down her curves, his hands rough from years of wielding his sword’,” he reads before making an exaggerated moan, fanning himself with his hand dramatically. 

You feel your stomach drop. You know exactly what chapter he’s reading from and it only gets more indecent from there. You pick your head up, feeling heat rise to your cheeks as, to your horror, he begins to read directly from the pages. 

“‘Her breasts heaved as he unhooked her corset, his rough hands against her pale skin as he lays her on the silken sheets’. Wow, I take it all back, this is better than I thought, you didn’t say they fuck.”

You sputter, realizing you should have known better than to let him get his hands on your novel. You’re never going to hear the end of this now. God help you, the look on his face is absolutely wicked. 

"But it's not just physical between them! He loves her more than anything and wants to show her what she’s been deprived of,” you shake your head, trying to snatch the book back to no avail, “You don’t get it, it’s for the girls, Matty.”

Matty rolls his eyes, chuckling at the heated scene that is unfolding on the pages before him, holding the book out of your reach. “Sweetheart, you can defend it however you want, this is absolutely filthy. You’re sitting here, casually reading pornography. Doesn’t matter if it’s ‘girly’.”

He leafs through the pages with the intent to get you thoroughly worked up, jabbing his finger at the page when he finds a particularly lewd section. He’s having far too much fun with this and he knows it.

“I mean, seriously, listen to this part. ‘His stare was piercing through her as he let her feel the stiffness of his pulsing member.’ Babe,” he chuckles in disbelief, “Horrid word choice there, so unsexy. I mean, just say dick.”

“Matty! Are you seriously doing this right now? Give it back,” you protest with heated cheeks, trying to reach for the novel just for Matty to hold it further away from you. 

“No, no. We’re just getting to the good parts now, lemme see,” he grins wolfishly, curling up closer to you so his lips are brushing against your ear, “‘Maneuvering her to sit in front of the tall, gilded mirror, the knight slips her silk nightgown over her waist. With his fingers on her delicate jaw, guiding her gaze forward, he lets his opposite hand smooth down her body…’”

You can feel the air between you change as the detailed, obscene words begin to slip from his lips with ease. He has one hand holding the book while the other slides over your waist, stirring warmth inside of you as he gently moves his fingers back and forth. His tone has dropped down to a low, sultry murmur, a shiver racing down your spine at the slight rasp in your ear, the hairs standing up at the back of your neck. The tips of your ears burn every time he emphasizes dirtier words, rubbing little circles against your hip as he drawls to you about how the knight is tearing off her panties. The chapter is salacious enough as is, but the way he reads it to you makes it feel downright foul. 

“... ‘She could feel an unfamiliar pressure building inside of her as he slowly curled his calloused finger upward, his thumb rubbing in tight circles against her heat, staring at her through the mirror’s reflection’,” Matty whispers, his breath hot, fanning against your skin.

He’s having a harder time focusing on the words when he can feel you getting increasingly warmer as you cling to his side, the heat radiating off of your skin from beneath your clothes. He doesn’t miss the way your hips squirm slightly, the crackling tension thickening the air between you as he reads. Matty can’t help but glance at you periodically, the unmistakable lust in your lidded eyes making him ache. 

You can’t take it any longer, it feels like your entire body is buzzing with need, warmth coursing through you endlessly, pooling deep inside of you. You cut him off mid-word by turning your head and pressing your lips to his heatedly. Matty moans into your mouth, letting the book tumble to the floor as he moves to roughly grasp your hips with both hands, pulling you flush against his frame. 

“Dirty girl,” he mumbles against your lips, kissing you with enough fervor to make your head spin. 

Your hands cling to his shirt, letting his tongue slip past your lips as his eager fingers roam, groping and feeling you as he pleases. Your breath shudders as Matty pulls away to mouth under your jawline, alternating between heated kisses and nips of his teeth. 

“Does it get you hot when you’re reading it, babe? Thinking about the knight fucking his princess?” he rasps, grabbing a handful of your ass. 

You can only whimper in response, your head tilting back to give Matty more room to continue his loving assault on your neck, kissing and sucking at your sensitive skin. 

“Yeah, I bet it does,” he mumbles, laving his tongue over a faded love bite just above your collarbones. 

Matty slides his hands to the backs of your thighs, scooping you up with your legs around his waist. As he carries you from the couch to your bedroom, you can’t resist grinding a little against the front of his gray sweatpants, feeling him twitch beneath the fabric. He digs his fingers into your hips, you’re not quite sure if it’s as a warning or to encourage you. You love it either way. 

Just as you think he’s about to lay you down on the crisp sheets of your bed, Matty lowers you to the ground in front of your floor-length mirror, pulling you to sit in his lap with your legs spread, just like in the book. He taps your thigh, signaling for you to lift your hips, allowing him to slide off your pajama shorts. 

With an approving sigh, Matty smooths his hands out over your inner thighs, making a shiver skitter down your spine with tingling warmth. He coos, settling his chin on top of your shoulder as he stares at your body through the mirror. 

“Aw, you really liked me reading to you, baby. Look at yourself. You’re soaked through,” he admires, parting your legs wider to allow you a look at your dampened panties.

Matty skims his hand up your thigh with a murmur of “don’t look away” as he starts to feel over the darkened fabric of your underwear. You shudder, your lashes fluttering at the sensations that begin to stir at just the light brush of his calloused fingertips. You can feel your cheeks flush brighter at this new perspective, watching the two of you in the reflection of the mirror, seeing not only Matty’s reactions but also your own. You get to see the expressions that Matty loves so dearly when he’s making you fall apart, telling you how pretty you are. You do look pretty like this, with your skin flushed and your chest heaving with desire. 

Agonizingly slowly, he presses two fingers against your panties, rubbing in little circles over your clit just to make you squirm in his lap. Matty kisses from the top of your shoulder to right under your ear, his breath hot as he watches you from the corner of his eye. His eyes are intense, darkened with urges.

Steadily, he hooks his fingers under the fabric, sliding the soaked material to the side with a groan that rumbles against your back. A gasp is ripped from your lips as he parts you with his fingers, exposing you to him with frustratingly gentle pressure. You can tell he’s restraining himself tonight. Even though he’s itching to have you writhing, he slowly dips his thumb into your pooling arousal, his digit slick as he finds your clit with practiced ease. 

Your eyes roll at that feeling of first contact, sensations coursing through you as you get your first lick of relief. Matty traces firm circles, his other hand moving to grasp your breast, thumbing at your nipple over your shirt. 

“Matty, faster, please,” you pant, your voice wavering with need.

“Shh, this is how it went in the book, hm? He was so gentle with her, isn’t that right?” he mutters, dismissing the way your hips jump, aching for friction. You can’t stand it. He’d whined about how awful your book was, but now he’s treating it like gospel, refusing to stray from how the scene was written. 

Once he’s satisfied with how long he’s been lazily circling your clit, Matty picks up the pace just enough to make you whimper, still in control of your pleasure. His brows pinch together as your hips rock heedlessly on top of him, both of your eyes glued to his hand between your thighs. You can feel him, stiff and twitching beneath his sweats as the heat continues to bloom between you. Slowly, he starts to sink one finger inside of you, curling it just so. It’s obscene to watch.

“That’s it. Show me how much you like it,” Matty whispers, dragging his lower lip along your earlobe, “What does he do next?” 

“What?” you mumble, too caught up in the feeling of your brain melting down your spine to understand the question. Matty smirks with the satisfaction of rendering you wonderfully dumb. 

“In the book, darling. What does he do to her next?” he finishes, landing a firm spank on your cunt, relishing in your cry, “You didn’t let me finish readin’ ‘cause you got impatient, didn’t you, sweet girl? Always just gagging for me.”

You try and gather yourself enough to speak as Matty presses on your clit, your head lolling back against his shoulder. He moves his hand from your tits to your inner thigh, holding open your trembling legs in his secure hold.

“C’mon, talk to me,” he says with a kiss to your neck, encouragingly rubbing his thumb against your soft thigh, “I know you remember.”

“He… he has her look into her own eyes as he makes her cum.”

Matty whistles lowly, impressed, sounding like he’s sorry he didn’t think of doing that to you first. He reaches for your chin, grasping it to tilt your head down, watching you meet your own stare in the mirror. 

“Good girl, stay like that for me,” he murmurs, keeping his fingers splayed across your jaw. 

You watch as your eyes widen the moment Matty begins to swiftly move his thumb, pumping his finger in and out of you. Your brows furrow with a shuddering moan, your mouth dropping open. You grasp his wrist with urgency, feeling yourself approach the edge almost mortifyingly quickly as you pant and writhe on top of him.

“See how pretty you look when you’re about to cum? I fucking love that look. I live for it,” he grins, “That’s it, just let it happen, my love.” 

He tightens his hold on your jaw, reminding you to watch your face as you feel it wash over you in waves of relief through your whole body, your expression contorting with pleasure.

“Ah, fuck!” you cry, listening to him mutter breathy sighs of “Good fucking girl” and “Yeah, that’s right” in your ear. 

Once you go slack against his body, Matty withdraws his fingers, bringing them to his lips to suck them clean, obscenely sliding his tongue between them while you catch your breath. 

“I reckon I did it better than him, what do you think?” he smirks, his voice muffled around his digits. You shake your head hazily as he lets go of them with a wet popping sound.

“You’re insufferable…”

“You love me. You looove me so badly,” he sings, grasping your sides lovingly as he presses his lips to your cheek.

You do love him. Badly. Even if you’re never going to hear the end of how terrible your book choices are.

[scribblesofagoonerr]

— Where's dumb and dumber?

here's pt. 4 of chaos fc, this is honestly so much fun to write and its' a nice break from the angsty stuff as well, cos' I really can't be dealing with any of it right now!

thanks to @alotofpockets as always for helping me out with ideas along the way and giving me the confidence to post!

pairings: kim little x reader, kyra cooney cross x reader, awfc x reader

summary: reader and kyra continue to try and cause trouble down under, however, some of the girls are quick to realise before its' too late.

also, reader is a protective guarddog when it comes to her best friend getting hurt.

"Come on Kimmy, it was harmless fun!" You exclaim, trailing through the hotel after the long bus ride back from the open traning session and it was safe to say that your Captain was still pretty miffed about what had happened in the changing rooms.

Well, if the looks from the Scots' women were anything to go by then, yeah, you were definitely still in trouble.

"Harlmess or not, I told you to not cause anymore trouble!" Kim states in a firm tone of voice, stopping in her step to turn and look at you, "I feel like I can't even leave you alone for 5 minutes without you gettin' into trouble!"

"I don't see what the big deal is," You can't help but huff and wonder if your Captain is being slightly dramatic.

That was definitely the wrong answer to say, if the look that the older Scots' was anything to go by.

"The big deal?" Kim scoffs and shakes her head, "The big deal is that I'm really gettin' fed up with the constant immature behaviour-- When are you going to grow up, Y/N!?" She snaps.

This is probably the point in which you should say something sensible...

"Where's the fun in that though?"

Or not then.

You watch as your Captains' eyes widen in disbelief before shes' shaking her head, "Thank God we're going back to London in a few days!" She mutters before she pinches the bridge of her nose, "Enough of the pranks, now! I mean it, Y/N. You so much as pull another prank and I'm phoning Leah again to let her know of the recent trouble you've gotten yourself into!"

Without so much as another word, Kim storms off in another direction and your left dumbfound, feeling more than guilty for causing your skipper a near nervous breakdown from the trouble you've been causing.

"Leprachauns' out for revenge," Your partner in crime leans in and whispers, careful to not get caught as shes' under the watchful eye of Steph still, so you can guess that she got a grilling about things as well.

Plus, Caitlin as well most likely, after all it was her girlfriend that got the brunt of the prank that backfired on the wrong victim.

"Yeah, I'd say we're toast whenever she catches up to us," You tell her in a hushed whisper as she wince when your eye catches the Irish defender, who your certain is definitely still holding a grudge about what happened.

"How much trouble did you get in with Kim this time?" Kyra wonders, curiously.

"Eh its' nothin' I can't handle, but she did threaten to call Leah again," Your face pales at the thought of the blonde hearing what else you had been up to. "What did Steph say to you?" You ask.

"Pretty much to not do it again, you know? Blah, blah, blah," Kyra relays what said back as she rolls her eyes. "Caitlin wasn't too happy either about things, considering its' her misses." She states, amusedly.

"Oops," You can't help but surpress the giggle that slips out of your mouth. "Guess we've gotta tone it down on the pranks for a bit." You murmer in realisation.

No way did you want to deal with an angry blonde yelling at you down the phone again, needless to say you were going to try and keep a low profile for now at least.

"Where's the fun in that though?" Kyra jokes as she slides her phone out of her pocket and starts to scroll through her Instagram feed, "Hey, Y/N-- Have you seen these?" With that being said, she not so politely shoves her phone in your face.

"Wha-- No way, seriously?" You can't help but crack up laughing as you watch the fan edit replay over fans' speculating that you and Kyra being together as more than just friends, "There's no way that people are believing this!" You exclaim.

Kyra can't stifle her laughter as she nods, "I know, right? We're just friends!" She finds humour in the situation; Your used to fans freaking out about things, but seeing the interaction between you both and immediately labelling it as a relationship was just hilarious to even see.

"We're nothing but chaotic, platonic little shit best friends," You grin as you playfully throw your arm around the older girl and lock her in a head lock. "Hey! I have an idea, let's just give the fans what they want!" You exclaim as an idea pops into your head.

Kyra manages to wrangle herself out of your grasp and scrunches her face up, "Ew. No offence, Y/N/N, but I don't see you that way. I'm not kissing you." She states.

"Wha-- No, not like that you idiot. Lets' just wind them up!" You roll your eyes as you pull your phone out of your pocket, tapping on your Instagram and hold it in front of you both as you playfully plant a kiss on the older girls' cheek, "Ere', smile!"

"Right, so when we get to the stadium we'll-- Oh hold on a second!" Kyra's quick to get distracted in the middle of her explanation, leaving the piece of paper with varies scribbles out in plain sight for anyone else to walk past and see it.

Definitely not careful enough to hide it.

A certain blonde is able to find them easy enough.

"What're they up to now?" Alessia furrows her eyebrow as she lifts up the piece of paper, skeptical of being caught victim to another one of your pranks after watching the latest mayhem unfold with the Irish being the one to pay the price, "Vic, have you seen this?" She motions to the Dutch player.

"Seen what?" Vic asks, confused.

"This," Alessia mumers, gesturing to the paper that she holds up in her hand. "I can't really understand it-- Butterfingers and pancake? Are they, like, yeah I'm confused." The blondes' at a loss, trying to wrap her head around the explanation of the writing on the paper.

Vic isn't able to understand it either by her puzzled facial expression, "What the-- Are they baking a cake?" She questions, confused.

"I... I don't know," Alessia is clearly stumped over what it means as she looks around for someone who might understand it clearly, "Katie! Come look at this a second, please?" She gestures in the direction for the Irish girl to join the conversation.

"What's up?" Katie wonders, walking over to the two girls. "What you got there?" She asks, confused as she glances at the paper in her hands that Vic hands to her.

"We don't know. We can't understand it," Vic admits, confused.

"Butterfingers and pancake," Katie repeats, bewildered. "What... Whos' is this?" She asks, at a loss of what to even make of this right now.

"Kyra left it on the bench," Alessia answers.

Katies' eyes widen in realisation, "It's another prank." She mutters, searching round the room for the two culprits, who are strangely quiet right now. "Caitlin! Have you seen dumb and dumber?" She questions.

"Who're we talkin' about, right now?" Caitlin questions, laughing in amusement.

"Y/N and Kyra," Katie states, motioning to the paper that she holds in her hand. "I think they're up to something again." She adds.

"Oh you mean the English and Aussie pest," Caitlin jokes, walking over to join the three of them as she eyes' the paper in her girlfriends hands, "Seriously? Not again." She grumbles, shaking her head.

"I say that we let Kim know what's going on," Katie declares, looking around for the older Scots' women. "Kim!" She got the attention of the captain.

"Ye', what's up?" Kim looks over in the Irish girls' direction.

Katie wordessly hands the paper over to the Scottish women with an amused expression plastered on her face, "Thought I'd give you the heads up, Cap." She jokes.

Taking in the notes on the paper, Kims' left looking bewildered and lost for words, "Just one day," She mutters to herself, at her wits' end the troublemaker duo.

"What'd they do?" Steph chimes in, being near to the Scots' women.

"Take a look yourself," Katie jokes, glancing to the paper.

"Oh boy," Steph exhales a sigh as she reads over it, "What the hell does butterfingers and pancake mean?" She asks, confused.

"I don't know, but I know it means they're up to no good," Kim mutters, exhaling a sigh.

"Steph and I will have a word with Kyra and we'll leave Y/N to you," Caitlin reassures the older Scots' woman as she pats her on the shoulder before trying to spot out the Australian girl, "Kyra, over here!" She speaks aloud to get her attention.

"Wha-- I didn't do out!" Kyra exclaims in protest, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Not yet you haven't, we're putting a stop to it before it happens," Steph chimes in, shaking her head as she slings her arm around the girl.

"Y/N, come here!" Kim shouts aloud to get your attention from across the room.

"Busted," You mutter to yourself and slump over to meet the stern look of your captain, suddenly having a sense of dejavu about this certain situation. "Whatever you think I did, I didn't do." You state.

"What's this?" Kim holds up the paper note in her hand.

"Er, well its' a piece of paper. Was that supposed to be a trick question?" You question, sarcastically.

By the look on the older womens' face, you should know that she is not messing around and you should most definitely refrain from any further sarcastic comment.

However, you just can't help yourself sometimes.

"You know what I mean," Kim deadpans, pursing her lips. "Whatever this is, it stops right now!" Your captain is promptly wagging her finger in front of your face.

"I don't know what your on about," You mumble, trying to play innocent. "I don't even know what that is." You add, continuing to play dumb about it all.

"Yes you do, Y/N-- The girls found it, I know its' a prank and I'm telling you to pack it in right now!" Kim lectures; You have to admit that she really can be scary sometimes, and its' nothing to do with her height.

"Snitches," You murmer under your breath as you can't help but glare at the girls around the room.

"You should be gettin' ready for the match, not planning any of this dumb pranks-- Carry on and I'll have you benched!" Kim continues to scold you, mentioning about the upcoming match you're currently supposed to be getting ready for to play against the All Stars. "Stop muckin' around and get ready right now, do you understand?"

You swallow the lump in your throat and shuffle in your spot, "Yes Kim, I understand." You mumble, although you can't help but stare down at the floor.

Sure enough the lecture is enough to scare you to try and not cause any more chaos, besides that can wait for after the match at least for now.

"So, Tiny threatened to have me benched if I pull another prank," You murmer to your best friend after you finish getting ready for the match.

"I just got a right earful from Floof and Veggie," Kyra huffs in agreement as she finishes tying up the laces on the boots. "They found the papers." She adds in realisation.

"No shit, only cos' you left them aside for anyone to see!" You exclaim, glaring at the older Aussie girl.

"It weren't my fault I got distracted!" Kyras' quick to protest as she throws her hands up in mock surrender.

"Well either way, I have to keep on her good side now or shes' gonna call Malfoy!" You tell her, huffing and slumping your shoulders; You really didn't want to endure a certain blonde defender lecturing you down the phone at all.

"Malfoy?" Kyra questions, confused.

You nod in agreement, already reaching for your phone to explain the reason behind the newfound nickname for the centre back, "Yep, new nickname for the English skip, cos' I seen the comments about her new haircut and they're hilarious comparing her to a draco malfoy wannabee," You tap on the former picture that the girls had taken back in London and show the older girl. "See?" You smirk in amusement.

"That's brilliant!" Kyra can't help but burst out laughing, "Your right, suits' her well!" She adds in agreement with your name for the stern english captain.

"Come on, lets' go girls. We need to line up!" Kim motions the pair of them out of the changing rooms with the rest of the girls.

"Comin'!" You shout in response, the two of you both dwadling to join the rest of the girls.

Kim spins around and eyes you both skeptically, "Remember what I said? No trouble!" She warns.

"You got it, Cap. No trouble whatsoever!" You grin in agreement, eager to stay on the Scot womens' good side for the time being.

"I mean it," Kim states.

"I know, I know. I'll be on my best behaviour, don't yer' worry!" You agree, signalling a mock salute as you join the end of the line, ready to head on to the pitch to face the All Stars.

"Agh!" You know you should be focusing on the game, however, its' impossible with what is currently going on right now.

Seagulls, feral birds that you're terrified off.

"God damn this ball-- They keep deflating!" Katie exclaims, motioning to the ref for the need to change the ball again, meanwhile you're still trying to not have a complete meltdown about the severe amount of seagulls flying around the pitch.

"Kimmy, help me! Somebody, anybody, help me!" You dart around the pitch like a maniac, to try and avoid them.

"Y/N, calm down! You're fine!" Kim tries to reassure you, all while trying to keep her focus on the game that you're currently playing on the pitch.

You shake your head and your not afraid to admit you were deeply scared of this birds, "I'm not fine! There's... Theres' birds, everywhere!" You exclaim.

"Y/N, they're harlmess..." Steph chimes in, mostly amused with your freak out on the pitch.

"No, no, they're fuckin' not!" You shout aloud in fear, doing your best to try and duck down as one flies in your direction. "Why the heck are they flying so low?" You question in horror.

"Y/N, focus on the game!" Caitlin chuckles, shaking her head.

"I... I can't! There everywhere, Caitlin!" Your downright petrified of these birds, however, your team all seem to find the situation amusing.

Kim pinches the bridge of her nose and shakes her head, "Good lord," She mutters to herself as she moves to gain possession of the ball. "Ere' Y/N!" She shouts in your direction to pass you the ball seeing as your stood in a spot that's open.

Dodging the pesky seagulls, you swoop in towards the direction of the ball and kick it towards Mini Viv who then is able to knock it to Alessia, whos' remaining unmarked and shes' able to head it in the back of the net to give your team to advantage to take the lead and be 1 nil up.

"G'wan, Lessi!" You exclaim, running towards the blonde to dive on her in celebration for the wonderful goal she had scored. "Lessi Russo with the stunning header!"

"Shut up you idiot," Alessia chuckles and swats the back of your head.

Taking the opportunity to enjoy the moment, your focus is switched back to the game in hand, wanting to at least have the chance to score another goal before the end of the game.

However, your fear for the certain birds turned into anger at the very minute that you watched your counter partner be involved in a particulary nasty foul and land on the ground.

"What the-- Nah seriously, ref? What the actual fuck!" Your throwing your hands in air in protest, outraged how the player on the opposite team was able to get away with it. "Are you blind!? Your an absolute idiot to not see that!"

You can admit that you might have been a slight bit more angrier with your words than you should have been.

Thank God it is just a friendly and no yellow cards can be given out.

"Kyra!" You are quick to rush to her side, the fear for the older Aussie girl whos' now being seen by the medical team. "Are you okay?" You question, concerned.

"Ow," Kyra murmers, wincing in pain.

Breathing a sigh of relief that she seems to be fine, given the cheeky grin she gave to the camera when she was being seen by the medical team, you stood up and turned to look at the player in anger.

"What the actual fuck-- Are you that stupid to hurt her like that?" You just see red, getting up in their face and pushing them back roughly. "You'rea fuckin' idiot!" You seeth.

"Y/N, cool it!" Kims' quick to try and reign in your outburst on the pitch,  trying to grab a hold of your upper bicep and drag you away from the situation before you make it worse for yourself. "What the hell are you playing at? Are you purposely looking for a way to cause trouble-- Control your anger!" She states, firmly.

"They hurt Kyra," You murmer, looking over to check in on your best friend. "They didn't even care about it either!" You motion to the player, who seemed completely unphased about the foul.

"Relax, Y/N. Kyra's fine, you need to control your temper," Kim states, sternly as she shook her head. "Your lucky this is just a friendly, or you'd have been sent off already!"

"They... They hurt Kyra," You repeat, not entirely happy that the player got away with it like she did.

It seems like your outburst on the pitch was more of a reason for Jonas, or as you'd kindly labelled him, Thanos to sub you off in replacement from one of the young guns; Initially, you were annoyed about it, however, you were soon joined by Kyra, so at least the two of you could chat on the bench.

"Are you alright?" You try and see if Kyra's actually okay, depsite the fact the medical team had seen to her on the pitch and even went to so much trouble as bring a stretcher on.

"I'm fine, relax, guard dog," Kyra jokes, plonking herself down in a seat beside you. "You know, fans' seeing your outburst like that is just gonna give them more reason to speculate them rumours." She jokes.

"Let them speculate all they want. I'm just a protective best friend," You grumble in response, not liking the fact of seeing the Aussie girl go down on the pitch at all.

© scribblesofagoonerr

[temmtamm]

Hello! Could you do yandere Pines family x female reader. (Mostly targeted to stanford pines) Can you do it where the reader (the reader is in her mid-20s) was traveling through gravity falls. But her car broke down, so the reader managed to stop at a motel (if gravity falls have one). The reader looks around gravity falls while she was there. And went to the mystery shack, and that's when standford meets the reader. He was love struck. So obviously, he started to stalk her, etc. Till he finally talks to the reader. After a while, the pines family has been noticing his strange behaviors (more than normal), so they went to investigate (mostly dipper and Mabel), and they realized they too really liked her. And started to see her as a graunty. Stanley comes in to see what's up and realize he also likes her too (as a little sister) and all of them try to get the reader to date/relationship with stanford. But the reader finally mentioned she was leaving soon. And that just...broke them. You can come up with the last part, okay?

Hii ^^ friendly reminder that I do not do gender specific asks, but I will gladly do this concept using gender neutral pronouns!!

Yandere Ford (+ twins) Headcanons

Okay, so I don’t think Ford would be a hard guy to impress, mostly because he had been away from human society for three decades and hence, grew accustomed to other dimensions customs, including their appearances.

That is both to say that you are something very new and exciting for him, both in the ways of fashion and what-not as you don’t exactly look like what people did in the 70’s-80’s, and you’re the first human he’s seen that was a romance-able option.

Things to note about Ford is that he is awkward, not all that socially aware, and he has no conversation skills to save his life…but, another thing to note that he is self obsessed. Ford is narcissistic as all his life he had been praised for his intellect. So, he is convinced he can use his intellect to woo you over, he just needs to study you.

He doesn’t like to call it stalking, only bad people stalk. He’s not bad, he’s just…collecting data. He’s not stealing, he’s just collecting samples, you get the point.

At nights, he lies awake thinking of you, over analyzing your twos relationship. He worries he is turning into a freak of nature, an obsessive monster that will end up destroying you and everyone else he loves. He’s afraid he’ll end up like Bill.

But…when he talks to you, when he watches the wrinkles form in the crows feet of your eyes from how much you laugh at his jokes, how well you take care of the twins, all his worries melt away.

He will never end up like Bill. He’ll make sure of it. He doesn’t want to destroy, he wants to protect. It’s the intent that matters, right?

Well…Stan doesn’t exactly think so. He gets worried seeing Ford hover so closely around you, always analyzing, always watching. He doesn’t want to lose his brother. It might be a bit selfish, but he just got Ford back, he doesn’t want you taking Ford away to god-knows-where once your car gets patched up.

So, he starts asking around, asking to see if Mabel and Dipper noticed Ford’s new attitude.

You see, another thing to note is that Mabel and Dipper don’t have a good home life. It’s not out of reach to assume that they had gotten sent to the Mystery Shack during summer while their parents got divorced, and in such a troubling time with a collapsing home life, they latched onto the closest thing to a family they had, which was you and Ford.

Ford had been Dipper’s ideal for a long, long time, before Dipper even really knew who Ford was, and hence, he’d be estatic to have him as a father figure. And Mabel?? Well, she has this unique ability to bond with almost everyone she meets, but especially you. You don’t chastise or make fun of her for being boy crazy, or liking pink, or being the ‘dumber’ sibling. You just let her be a kid and have her fun.

So, the two cover for Ford.

What do you mean he’s going out late?? He must just be getting used to his new life back home.

What do you mean he has a collection of your clothes? He’s keeping it for you…to wash.

He bought a perfume/cologne with your exact scent?? Obviously, it’s an early birthday present.

Hell, the two might even try to convince Soos to stall the fixes on your car, with Mabel in particular winning him over, saying it’s for ‘love’.

They, along with Ford, aren’t that willing to part with you. Won’t you just stay a little longer?? They barely got to know you.

C’mon, just stay…

At least let them pretend they have a happy family, at least for a little.

[justkending]

The Line-up (One-shot)

Summary: Every Avenger has a death glare they've mastered, but a few select someones on the team are the champions of staring into their opponent's souls and making sure they know there is no survival. However, these individuals aren't always intimidating in their day-to-day lives...

Pairing: Bucky x Avenger Reader (Goofy & stubborn relationship)

Word Count: 1700+

A/N: I got the idea for this one-shot from the picture above that I came across on Pinterest and couldn't stop the creative juices from flowing... Please enjoy!!

_______

Lined up in a row were the four most wanted individuals in the Avenger's history. And each one of them had their eyes set on the camera, with a slight head tilted to the side—the death stare of some of the sweetest individuals.

"Who made that?" Natasha said, coming over Peter's shoulder.

"It's just a meme," Peter explained with a nervous laugh.

"What's meme-ing about it?" Natasha quirks her head to the side as she analyzes the pictures, and Peter chuckles at her action- mimicking the ones on the screen.

"Uh, the joke is that it's a lineup of individuals who could end you without a second thought, and they all have a matching head tilt before that plan is executed." Peter watched as Nat kept her head to the side as she tried to understand the joke. He starts to point at the action but decides he likes his finger more.

"That lineup contains some of the biggest softies on the team," Nat scoffed and moved further into the kitchen, continuing her first task in the room. "Have you met Steven Grant? The guy is harmless."

"Doesn't mean they don't have a second side to them," Peter argued politely, watching her have a look of understanding to his comment, and he continued on with his homework. "The world doesn't get to see their domesticated life. They wouldn't find them so intimidating if they saw what happens on this floor of the compound."

"That I can agree with," Nat laughs, putting the kettle on the stove and making a mug of tea before heading to her apartment for the night.

"I swear to God, Barnes. If you don't get off my ass!" Y/N grumbles as she comes around the corner, shrugging her shoulder like someone was tapping on it.

"I'm not touching you," Bucky's voice was heard right after in a teasing tone.

"And presenting Case and his sidekick, Point," Nat sighs, continuing her task and leaning against the counter, watching Dumb and Dumber come in. Peter chuckles under his breath and tunes into the drama as he 'does his homework.'

"I swear to God, you're a child," she huffed, turning around promptly and swatting his hands away from her where they were hovering as if he was planning on pulling her hair. "Get away from me!"

He's laughing as he barely fights her hits and shoves her playfully away from him before going into the kitchen, leaving Y/N sulking in the living space by the kitchen.

"You would think with how many digits his age has, he'd be more mature, but every day I stand corrected," she huffs a breath through her nose with her fist at her sides.

Bucky just laughs and mutters a 'hey' to the others in the room as he moves to the fridge to have his evening bowl of cereal. Why? He liked sweets, and he'd come to enjoy the ritual of a bowl of his favorite sugary cereal on nights he worked out extra hard.

"She's mad because I beat her in a sparing match today. As if I don't do that every day," he taunts with a smirk over his shoulder as he opens the fridge for the milk and moves to get a bowl and spoon.

Peter watches as Y/N stomps promptly into the kitchen and jumps on the counter space, sitting and blocking the cabinet where Bucky's sweet treat is stored.

He hears her get comfortable and turns to see where exactly she sits.

His face grew more serious. Don't get between that man and his sweets. Everyone knew that, and Y/N knew that very well, but fire loved fire.

"Move."  

"You know damn well I can hold my own against you," she points a mean finger at him and crosses her arms as she does it.

He keeps stern eyes on her, but as always, she doesn't budge at the look. "Y/N, move."

"Make me. I'd love to prove my point," she says, standing her ground and buckled down on the counter. Dropping her legs, she leans forward and challenges him.

"You two annoy me," Nat mumbles as the kettle starts to whistle. She moves to the mug, where her tea bag is set up, and starts pouring the boiling water.

"Nat, you know for a fact I can and have taken this man down multiple times," Y/N detests, only moving her gaze from Bucky for a short second to the redhead.

"Yes, Y/N, we all know that. He's just an ass and knows that him never admitting that drives you insane," she replies, dipping her tea bag up and down after putting the kettle down.

"Well, I'm tired of it," she says cutely, frustrated. "I'm not moving until you say it. Say the truth, asshole," she moves to kick him with her foot, but he's just barely an inch too far away.

It was true, though. She had bested Bucky on quite a few occasions, and he would constantly tease her and tell her that he had let her win. She got fed up with it for a while and refused to spar with him since he pushed her buttons, but he was finally able to convince her to spar again... Today... And we're seeing how that went.

It seemed she had won the spar they were bickering about, but Bucky was still not relenting on his endless teasing.

"We talked about this, Barnes. Let her have the damn win so we can move on from your horrible attempt at flirting, and bonus, you can have your cereal and not be a grump tomorrow. Everyone wins," Nat rolls her eyes, lifting her mug to blow on as she kept dipping the bag.

Bucky acts shocked and offended at the same time. "I'm not flirting-"

Nat gives him a look, and he sneers at her before turning to Y/N.

"Y/N, move, or I'll move you myself." Now it was his turn to buckle down, but this time it was because he wanted to prove Nat wrong, at least to his audience, because clearly she saw right through him.

"No. I don't think you will," she says with a smirk on her lips after hearing Nat's comment.

"Y/N," he practically growls, and his hands turn into fists at his side, flexing to gain composure.

"Sorry, Buster. I'm not moving." Her smirk grows more, and she tilts her head with that vicious smile that shows she knows she's won.

"There it is," Peter whispers to Nat in front of him.

"There, what is?" she replies quietly.

He turns the computer around and shows the meme with Y/N, Bucky, Wanda, and Steven lined up, looking at the camera with the look she was sporting now.

She looks at it and back at the two in front of her. Bucky is now mimicking his own stare in that picture towards Y/N. It's like a live-action shot, but the context behind these looks is completely different. Even so, the challenging and deadly personalities seem to be coming out to... Play.

Bucky takes a step forward, and Y/N can tell the fight is about to start. The excitement in her eyes matches what they see on the field, with a hint of intrigue.

"I feel like we should leave because I worry we're in the line of fire for flying glass plates or something," Nat says, walking over to Peter to protect him if that scenario comes up.

"Maybe this was the push they needed," he shrugs, unbothered by the usual banter between the two. "Ha," he lets out a single laugh. "See? No one who sees this meme would know those looks would be directed towards a situation about cereal being the problem here."

"I don't think cereal is the real issue here," Nat says, eyes focused on the two.

"I'll move if you just admit that I can and have beat you on multiple occasions when we spar," she smiles smugly, kicking her legs back and forth.

Peter and Nat watch the interaction carefully and can see Bucky slowly start to give up.

"Say it..." Y/N drags out, seeing the resolve.

"You've beaten me on occasion," Bucky mumbles so lowly under his breath that only anyone with super super hearing can hear him.

"Sorry, a little louder for the people in the back?" Y/N goads him, leaning her head forward with a hand to her ear.

He rolls his eyes and sends her a straight face.

"You've bested me once or twice," he says again, just a touch louder.

"How about the whole truth now?" she leans back, preparing to jump off the counter but waiting for a confession she actually wants.

Bucky throws his hands in the air and looks up at the ceiling.

"Y/N, you have bested me more times than I can count, and I'm an asshole for saying otherwise!" he says and then looks at her. "Can you please move out of the fucking way now?!"

"Since you asked so nicely," she smiles victoriously and jumps off the counter gracefully, walking up to him and looking up at him. "Was that so hard?" she asks with a fake pout and pats his chest.

He blushes but looks away to hide the reddened cheeks, and luckily, she skips away to Nat and Peter.

"Now, if you'll excuse me," she sighs as if her banter was the equivalent of a five-hour trial. "He's about to discover I finished off his last box of Captain Crunch, and I'd prefer to keep my ass attached to my body." Bucky lets out a low growl, and without looking, she smiles and moves quickly to the exit. "Pray for me!"

"Y/N!" He shouts, slamming the cabinet and running after her as she turns the corner like a rabbit who's out of time. "You little-!"

"See, it ended up being about cereal," Peter comments once they're out of the room.

"Ended, but didn't start that way," she laughs and brings her drink to her lips.

"Why did Bucky almost run me over in the hall, and why did I hear Y/N cackling like an evil witch turning a sharp corner to the training room?" Wanda asks, her head still turned to the hall from which she had just come.

"I don't ask questions when it comes to idiots that clearly love each other," Nat shakes her head. "What are you doing here? I thought you didn't get back from your mission for a few more hours."

"Left early," she shrugs and comes in, looking at Peter's screen with the picture still on it. "What's that?"

Peter meets her eyes and laughs. "It's a whole thing."

"I have time," she smiles, tilting her head with an interested smile.

Marvel Tags:

@thejourneyneverendsx​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @death-unbecomes-you @mythos-writes​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​  @srrymydood​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @xa-dia​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @redhairedfeistynerd​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @morganclaire4​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @connie326​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @captain-asguard​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @mollygetssherlockcoffee​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @teenagedreams-bucky @shower-me-with-roses​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @livstilinski @basicallylool​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @starryeyeseunbyul​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

My Lovelies Forever:

@natura1phenomenon​ @lauravicente​ @kakakatey​ @traceyaudette​ @notyourtypicalrose​ @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​ @sandlee44​ @thorne93​ @thefaithfulwriter1​ @essie1876​ @greyeyedsmile14​ @capsiclehan​  @xostephanie​ @averyrogers83​ @awesomenursingstudent​ @gh0stgurl​ @cs-please​ @jjlevin​ @rainbowkisses31​ @deannotmoose​ @their-bibliophile​ @kitkatd7​ @willowbleedsonpaper​ @mariaenchanted​ @snffbeebee​ @couldabeenamermaid​ @rebekahdawkins​​ @alyispunk​​ @billyseye @hallecarey1​​

Bucky Barnes Tags:

@chloe-skywalker​ @charmedbysarge​ @jbarness​ @bellamy-barnes​ @katiaw2​ @aikeia​ @stopjustlovethemcu​ @enchantedbarnes

[sellasstories]

I’D LET YOU

word count: 4.5k

pairing: paige bueckers x azzi fudd

⚠️warnings⚠️

explicit smut, underage drinking, underage drug use (it’s just weed), swearing

prompts:

paige and azzi make inappropriate jokes but they’re apparently not jokes

paige and azzi can’t keep anything from each other

paige and azzi do anything ?for the bit?

It was a rare off weekend for the UConn women’s basketball team, and they’d decided to have a little party. After a few too many competitive drinking games, someone had suggested some team bonding, which is how they’d ended up sitting on the floor in an attempt at a circle.

“Truth or truth, and this is for everyone. What is your type and why is it athletes?” A very drunk Christyn addressed the room at large, giggling at her own joke. The answers ranged from wholesome (Carol, understanding the demanding schedule) to obvious (Olivia, competitiveness) to dirty (Amari, stamina). The room went crazy at the last one as Amari merely shrugged with a slight smirk on her face.

Then it was Azzi’s turn, and she was determined to get a bigger reaction. “I just love other athletes’ bodies. Like come on, have you ever ridden someone’s abs?” She couldn’t hide her self-satisfied grin as everyone shrieked.

Finally, the chaos calmed down. “So moving on from that bullshit, I think it was Paige’s turn..?” There was still shock in Christyn’s voice.

Paige had a mischievous look in her eyes as she opened her mouth. “I was actually gonna say something similar. I feel like no one else appreciates how hard we’ve worked to look like this,” she paused to make direct eye contact with Azzi. “I mean, who else would ask to ride my abs?” She winked at her best friend, ignoring the gags coming from around the circle.

Christyn stepped into the middle of the circle looking distraught. “Ok, game over! This got too weird… everyone go drink more or something, I’m terrified.”

Everyone listened, breaking off into smaller groups. Paige and Azzi ended up together, as they always seemed to. Pressed against each other on the sofa, they looked entirely too close, as their friends always thought they did. “You’re such a little shit,” Azzi giggled, leaning further into Paige.

Paige punched her lightly on the arm. “You’re one to talk when you literally started it! I was just taking the opportunity you gave me,” she raised her hands in surrender.

Azzi’s voice lowered to a whisper. “You know everyone’s gonna think we fucked now, or at least that we did that, right?” And she was right. Their constant attachment and well-known need for each other had raised eyebrows even outside of the team environment. Paige was just relieved that Azzi didn’t sound too concerned about it.

“Let’s be honest, they probably already think that anyway. I say it was worth it for the bit,” the blonde shrugged good-naturedly, her smile widening as Azzi shook her head before resting it on Paige’s shoulder.

Paige couldn’t help herself. “You know what would be really funny though? What if we actually did, like as a joke?”

It was Azzi’s turn to punch her in the arm. “Paige Madison Bueckers, shut the fuck up.” Her head never moved from Paige’s shoulder, the exasperation in her voice not enough to hide the smile on her face.

Paige tried to hold back her own laughter. “I was just trying to be a good friend.” She turned her head to whisper in Azzi’s ear. “I’m sure we’d both have a lot of fun, and I know I could make it better than whatever you’re getting right n-��� She was cut off by Azzi’s hand on her cheek shoving her away.

Azzi’s eye roll was nothing short of theatrical. “Keep talking like that and I’ll have no choice but to think you’re serious. You want me so bad it makes you look dumber than you already are,” she smirked.

“You wish,” was all Paige offered as a retort. They sat in comfortable silence, Paige’s arm finding its way around Azzi’s shoulders, as it always did.

What was not typical for them was Azzi’s hand slowly coming to rest on Paige’s stomach, innocently sliding lower before stopping just above the waistband of her pants. Even though Paige was wearing an oversized t-shirt, she suddenly felt like the thin layer of cotton separating their skin might as well not have been there.

Trying to control her erratic breathing and her train of thought around why Azzi seemed to be pressing so hard, Paige knew that she had to stop whatever was going on. They had both felt the sudden shift in energy, and Paige did not want to confront the weird feeling in her stomach.

“Do you want another drink? I think I’m gonna get something else.” The loudness of Paige’s voice shattered whatever moment they’d been having and Azzi quickly moved her hand as Paige went to stand up.

“Sure, I’ll just have whatever you’re having,” the dark-haired girl answered quickly, not looking up to meet her best friend’s eyes.

Nodding slightly, Paige walked away. She’d barely taken a step into the kitchen when she collided with Aubrey, the concerningly blue drink that her teammate had been holding spilling all over her shirt.

The taller girl steadied herself with a hand on the counter. “Shit, sorry, P, I didn’t-“

“What the fuck is in this, Aubrey?” Paige cut her off. “And why is it so blue?” Her mostly white shirt had quickly taken on the hue of the mystery concoction.

“Bleed blue, baby!” Aubrey grinned, dragging out the last syllable. “For real though, I don’t even remember, but definitely a lot of food colouring at the end. Because I wanted it brighter, you know?”

Nika came over to see what the commotion was about. Seeing Paige’s ruined shirt and the mostly empty cup in Aubrey’s hand, she rolled her eyes.

“Aubrey Griffin, you can’t be doing this shit in my house.” Nika’s words were definitely angrier than her tone, but Aubrey still had the sense to look somewhat guilty under the Croatian’s hard gaze. “Clean this up or find someone sober enough to help you, because I need it gone by the time I come back,” Nika continued.

She then turned to Paige. “You, come with me to pick out something of mine to put on. There’s no reason for you to go all the way to your room to change.”

Nika shot Aubrey a final look over her shoulder as she led Paige away. “You having fun?” She asked once they were out of earshot.

Paige thought while Nika looked through her closet. “I mean, mostly? Az has been kinda weird, and obviously this-” she gestured at her wet T-shirt “-wasn’t great, but I’m always happy to be hanging out with the girls.”

Nika was laying out shirts similar to Paige’s on her bed. “Azzi’s been kinda weird? You’ve both been a bit off actually, everyone has noticed. Something going on with you two?”

Paige knew that her friend meant no harm with the question, but it was really asking a lot more than she wanted to answer. Since Azzi had stepped foot on the UConn campus, she’d brought a certain new intensity to her and Paige’s dynamic that no one else had noticed because they hadn’t known them previously.

The fact that at the whole team had picked up on it, Paige argued with herself, was largely due to Azzi ramping it up even more recently (come to think of it, since a half-remembered, tension-filled drunk exchange between them at Azzi’s birthday party), and Paige was doing very little to discourage it.

Pushing all that out of her mind, the blonde attempted a nonchalant shrug. “Nah, I think we’re both still adjusting to Azzi being here. I know it’s been months, but it’s taken a while to really sink in because it’s so different from any other time we’ve spent this much time together.”

Paige realized that she was maybe still getting too close to the truth with that train of thought. She focused her attention on the series of shirts laid out on the bed. Avoiding Nika’s unconvinced look, she grabbed a cropped tank top that she figured would still match with her outfit.

After turning away to put it on, Paige faced Nika again, holding her wet shirt awkwardly. “Don’t worry about that, I’ll take care of it,” Nika said unexpectedly. Paige raised an eyebrow in surprise. The Croatian just looked her up and down and whistled. “Something tells me you need to go talk to Azzi, maybe sort this thing out.”

Grabbing the shirt from Paige’s outstretched hand, Nika did a bad job of hiding the smirk on her face as she lightly pushed the other girl out of the room.

Paige made her way back to the kitchen, thankfully managing to get her and Azzi’s drinks without incident this time.

Stepping into the living room, she immediately noticed Azzi sprawled on the same couch that she’d been on. “Az, I got our dr-”

“Paigey!” Azzi exclaimed, cutting her off. She reached out both hands, making grabbing motions. “Come here, I missed you.” She grabbed Paige by the ribs, her hands coming to rest on the blonde’s waist.

Paige bent down to get a closer look at her friend’s face. “Hey, you good?” She asked softly, tilting Azzi’s chin up.

The dark-haired girl blinked at her. “I’m okay, just high,” she confessed, looking around. “Someone had a pen and I took a few hits- you should too, I feel so good.” She sank farther into the couch, pulling Paige down beside her.

“I think I’m fine for now,” Paige replied as she carefully placed the drink she’d gotten for Azzi out of her reach. They lapsed into silence again, Paige eventually cracking open her drink and allowing Azzi a few sips despite her earlier resolution to cut the younger girl off.

As she sipped her drink, Paige couldn’t ignore the feeling of Azzi’s eyes burning into her side, or the fact that her best friend’s hands were still in the same spot on her waist.

Azzi, on the other hand, didn’t know what to do with herself. It was absolutely crazy that Paige had decided to put on a shirt that gave her a perfect, unrestricted view of the blonde’s defined abs, especially after the conversations they’d been having. It had to have been on purpose, and Azzi didn’t see how that was even fair, especially in her current state.

But as much as she tried to make herself ignore it, she couldn’t look away, realizing way too late that her hands were still incriminatingly clinging to Paige’s waist. Really, Azzi reasoned, it would be weirder to move them now.

So Azzi’s eyes remained glued to Paige’s stomach, and Paige pretended to remain oblivious, though she wasn’t opposed to any of the attention that she was getting.

Eventually, Paige neared the end of her drink and Azzi’s eyes began to droop, the younger girl letting out a pointed yawn. “Can we go home soon?” She asked softly.

“If you want to,” Paige was was quick to respond. “You still feeling it?”

At Azzi’s nod, the older girl stood up again. “Let me go say goodbye real quick. I’ll be right back, and don’t do anything stupid this time,” she scolded playfully.

Azzi had no intention of doing anything other than trying not to fall asleep on the couch. She was still coming to terms with how good Paige looked, and she’d realized she’d much rather do that away from the room full of people that she was currently in.

A gentle hand stroking her cheek woke Azzi up, and she realized that she must not have accomplished her earlier goal. She raised her head, gazing adoringly at Paige. “Let’s get you home,” the blonde murmured. She wrapped her arms around Azzi’s biceps and pulled her to her feet.

Interlocking their hands, Paige led Azzi out the door and along the familiar path to her dorm.

Suddenly, Azzi stopped in her tracks. “Wait, I wanna sleep in your room,” she said, looking at Paige hopefully.

Paige shook her head, throwing an arm around Azzi’s shoulders. “We can sleep in my room if you want, let’s just get anywhere you can lay down.”

Azzi giggled even though Paige wasn’t trying to be funny. Truthfully, it was less about what her best friend had said and more about her sudden feeling of giddiness that was making her a lot less tired. Still, she squeezed Paige’s hand once in acknowledgment.

Once they got the Paige’s room, the blonde tried to get something from her closet for Azzi to wear, but was met with heavy resistance.

“Paige, I’m fine,” Azzi rolled her eyes as she dragged out the last syllable. She flopped onto Paige’s bed and gestured at her friend. “Come lay down, I wanna hang out.”

Giving in, Paige flopped down beside her. “I thought you were tired. That’s why we left, isn’t it?”

Azzi turned to look at her. “I was, but I’m not really now. Maybe it was all the noise or something.” She sat up suddenly, a mischievous look on her face. “Guess what I still have?”

Paige raised an eyebrow. “No idea, what?” She watched in confusion as Azzi pulled a pen from the pocket of her jeans.

“Azzi, where did you get that? I have to go give it back now,” Paige groaned.

“Not if we’re still using it,” Azzi argued. “I don’t even know whose it is,” she continued unconvincingly. “We can always give it back tomorrow, anyway. Just a few hits, please?”

Folding under the weight of Azzi’s gaze, Paige took the pen from her friend’s outstretched hand and brought it to her lips. Satisfied, Azzi laid back down.

They passed the pen back and forth a few times, not saying much as they stared at the ceiling. Finally, Paige spoke. “This is probably enough.” She got up to put the pen on a shelf out of their reach, definitely feeling its effects. “Do you wanna, like, watch a movie or something?”

Azzi shook her head. “Just wanna talk. I like… right now a lot.”

Paige wasn’t completely sure what that meant, but she crawled back onto the bed, not complaining when Azzi scooted closer and threw an arm around her neck and a leg over her hips.

Azzi buried her face in her best friend’s neck. “You smell nice,” she mumbled.

“Mmm,” Paige made a noise of acknowledgment, but as Azzi fell silent, the older girl’s mind started to drift to places she was very much trying to keep it out of. Azzi herself had said that she wanted to talk, so why wasn’t she talking?

Ordinarily, Paige would’ve been fine to start a conversation, but she was worried about what might come out of her mouth. Especially when Azzi moved her hand down to start rubbing Paige’s stomach again.

Paige’s eyes fluttered closed, the pleasant sensations doing nothing to dispel her urge to talk about what she thought she’d noticed that night.

“You know I’d let you, right?”

Once it slipped out, the confession didn’t seem all that bad in her hazy mind.

Azzi’s clouded eyes met Paige’s as the dark-haired girl propped herself up on an elbow. “You’d let me what, P? We weren’t even talking about anything,” she giggled, stopping the circles on Paige’s stomach.

Paige couldn’t hold back her laughter either, and she figured there was no harm in telling when this whole situation would probably just become another one of their funny stories.

“I meant I wasn’t really joking earlier… I’d totally let you ride my abs, if you wanted to.” Paige laughed even harder, not even believing what had just come out of her mouth.

“Oh my god, you can’t just say that when I’m laying on you like this,” Azzi pouted, dropping her head.

Paige’s voice deepened. “Are you not comfortable? Get more comfortable, then,” she challenged.

“What do you mean?” Azzi breathed, suddenly refusing to make eye contact.

Paige took a deep breath. “I think you know what I mean.” She looked pointedly to Azzi’s hand still in its place on her stomach.

Suddenly uncertain, Azzi sat up, sliding so that she was completely straddling Paige. She wasn’t sure if she’d even meant to do it, but neither of them could deny how good it felt when she ground her hips against Paige’s as she went to lay down again.

Now frozen with both hands braced against the bed on either side of Paige’s head, Azzi experimentally rolled her hips again. This time, Paige’s hands came up to grab her ass, both of them letting out unmistakable moans.

They both released shaky breaths, mouths hanging open as they stared at each other.

“Why’d you stop?” Paige asked, her eyes half closed. “Feels good,” she lifted her hips up slightly for emphasis.

Azzi groaned. It was more her own actions that had scared her, but if Paige was into it, surely it wasn’t all that bad.

Dropping down to her elbows, she started to move her hips again, Paige’s hands on her ass helping her get more friction. With her head buried in Paige’s neck, Azzi was close enough to the blonde’s mouth to hear every little sound she made, something she was very grateful for.

They got lost in the feeling of each other for a moment before Azzi remembered why they were in this situation. “I want to,” she said quietly.

“Want to what?” Paige slid her hands up to Azzi’s hips so she could sit up.

Azzi looked away from Paige’s burning gaze. “Ride your abs,” she whispered. “I wanna see how they- how you feel.” She covered her face with her hands.

Unfortunately, Paige wasn’t letting her off the hook that easily. “With all that still on?” Shamelessly dragging her eyes down Azzi’s body, the blonde put her hands behind her head and waited.

Azzi tilted her head to the side. Fuck, this was really happening. “You could’ve just asked to see me naked, you know.” Her hands moved to the button of her jeans.

Now in her underwear, Azzi toyed with the waistband of Paige’s pants. The dark-haired girl looked at her best friend questioningly.

Paige nodded slightly. “Go ahead,” she encouraged. She lifted her hips, pulling her shirt over her head as Azzi moved to pull off her pants. Sitting back on the blonde’s thighs, her hands twitched as she considered removing her panties.

Somehow, Paige knew what she was thinking about. “Just take them off, you know it’ll feel better,” the older girl grinned, hands still behind her head. Much to her delight, Azzi obeyed her, quickly discarding the offending article of clothing.

Watching Azzi hover over her stomach, Paige resisted the urge to tell her best friend how good she looked. Azzi lowered herself and Paige’s eyes flicked down to watch the movement, her breath catching slightly as she saw how wet Azzi was.

First rocking her hips tentatively, Azzi ground harder against Paige’s toned stomach with every roll of her hips. Finally daring to look her best friend in the eye, Azzi still wasn’t prepared for the intensity of Paige’s stare to have almost an identical effect on her as the feeling of her clit dragging against the blonde’s abs.

“Enjoying… the… show?” Azzi panted, biting her lip as she continued her desperate movements.

“Obviously,” replied Paige. “Feel good?” She failed to hide her cocky smirk.

“Obviously,” Azzi attempted the same cocky tone, but it came out closer to a moan. She closed her eyes and threw her head back, hands coming up to massage her tits.

Feeling hands running down her sides, Azzi opened her eyes. Gritting her teeth, she made herself stop moving as she looked down. “Did I say you could touch?”

Paige’s hands shot away like she’d been burned. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “Just want to help.”

“Here’s what you can do for me,” Azzi took Paige’s hands in hers. “Either you can sit there looking pretty and watch, or-” she moved Paige’s hands to her ass, “-you can actually help.”

Feeling Paige’s grip tighten, Azzi started to move her hips again. Paige’s stomach flexed as her hands pulled Azzi down, and the younger girl moaned loudly at the added pressure on her clit.

Azzi felt her whole body start to get hot as her orgasm built. “Just like that, P,” she praised.

“You close?” Paige’s voice sounded wrecked.

“Mm-hmm,” Azzi’s hands squeezed Paige’s ribs as she chased her high. “Paige, please,” she whined desperately.

Finally, the tension in Azzi’s lower stomach released and her mouth fell open as her orgasm washed over her. Paige felt the younger girl spasm against her stomach as her hips stuttered.

Once her breathing calmed down, Azzi flopped on top of Paige unceremoniously. “You were right,” she conceded. “That was good.”

Azzi felt Paige shrug. “I had to show you what you were missing out on, especially the way you couldn’t stop staring at my abs after I put on that shirt.” Paige’s stomach tensed as she laughed, and Azzi winced at the contact against her sensitive pussy.

“So you did do that on purpose!” She gingerly climbed off of Paige and stood up. “I’m gonna go clean up.”

As soon as she turned her back, a camera flash went off and made her immediately turn back around. “What are you doing?”

Paige looked sheepish. “Taking a photo of my stomach? You know, for the memories?”

“That doesn’t even make sense and you know it,” Azzi giggled. “No one can ever see that, though, understand? Like at this point it might as well be a photo of me licking your-” she quickly cut herself off as she saw Paige’s mischievous grin. “I’m not doing that. It’s gross.”

“So you’ll put your pussy on my abs but on your tongue is gross? You’re so mean,” Paige pouted.

Rolling her eyes, Azzi crawled back onto the bed. Switching between making eye contact with Paige and the camera, she made a show of licking a long stripe up Paige’s stomach.

“There you go, you fucking freak,” she said exasperatedly.

“You’re the freak who actually did it,” Paige retorted.

Azzi happened to glance down as she stood up again and mentally kicked herself. She’d been so wrapped up in her own pleasure that she’d forgotten about taking care of Paige.

Laying down beside the blonde, Azzi cupped Paige’s face in her hands. “When were you going to tell me?” She asked softly.

“Tell you what?”

“Baby, you’re soaked. Were you going to suffer all night?” Azzi couldn’t believe how stupid her best friend was sometimes.

Paige shifted awkwardly. “I hadn’t thought about it, honestly. It’s fine, I’m fine,” she looked away.

Azzi rolled her eyes for what felt like the millionth time. “Let me take care of you.” Her hands ghosted over Paige’s torso.

“I don’t remember this being part of the deal,” Paige said evasively.

“So you’re saying you don’t want it?” Azzi teased. Paige opened her mouth and closed it, knowing she wasn’t winning that argument. She hoped the relative darkness of the room was hiding the redness of her cheeks.

Azzi’s hands went lower. “I thought you’d want to feel good-” she rubbed Paige through her underwear, “-but I guess I was wrong, huh?” Paige inhaled sharply, only getting used to the sensation right before Azzi pulled her hand away.

Paige almost whined. Now that she’d been made aware of how worked up she was, the ache between her legs was only getting stronger. “Need it, please,” she whispered. Azzi smiled triumphantly.

“P, just relax,” her hand slid lazily into Paige’s underwear. “I got you.”

“M’kay,” Paige closed her eyes as she let her body respond to her best friend’s touch. Azzi tried to be as gentle as possible, still not sure why Paige was acting the way that she was.

Azzi settled into the bed and closed her eyes, using Paige’s sharp intakes of breath as a guide while her fingers explored.

“So good, Az,” Paige murmured. Her eyes were still closed, so she didn’t see Azzi’s soft smile.

Deciding that she seemed relaxed enough, Azzi focused her attention on Paige’s clit. Seeing how her hips bucked against Azzi’s hand, the younger girl felt another small pang of guilt.

While Azzi’s fingers worked, Paige, her lips sealed shut, grabbed the dark-haired girl’s other arm and squeezed.

“You’re okay,” Azzi soothed. “So good for me.”

“So- fuck- close,” Paige ground out.

Soon, her hips were lifting off the bed and more expletives were falling from her lips as she came.

Azzi guided her through it, finally sliding her hand gently out of Paige’s underwear. Paige finally opened her eyes and was confused to see Azzi opening the camera on her own phone.

“What are you doing?” She asked, voice still shaking slightly.

“Taking a photo,” Azzi deadpanned, doing a peace sign for the camera. Paige reflexively copied her, not getting it until the flash made Azzi’s two outstretched fingers glisten.

“You’re nasty,” Paige said in disbelief. Azzi dissolved into laughter.

She held her hand out to Paige. “Put them in your mouth.”

“WHAT?” Paige moved her head away. “No shot I’m doing that.”

“So my fingers can touch your pussy but not your mouth? You’re mean and a hypocrite,” Azzi mocked what Paige had said earlier.

“Fine, but this is all you’re getting,” Paige relented, sticking out her tongue and pressing the tip against Azzi’s finger pads.

Grinning like a maniac, Azzi took the photo. Then, she put her fingers in her mouth and sucked, making sure to capture Paige’s shocked expression in what she knew was going to be one of her favourite photos of all time.

“There is something wrong with your brain.” Paige declared. “Also send me that,” she said, immediately calling her point into question.

“You know I will,” Azzi promised. “We should clean up now, though. This is starting to actually get gross.”

Paige groaned but still swung her legs out of bed. The two girls walked to the bathroom.

“Oh my god, your hair!” Azzi giggled as they stared at their reflections. It wasn’t even just Paige’s hair. With her bitten lips and shiny eyes, she looked wrecked. Azzi, on the other hand, looked completely normal, except for her red eyes.

“This is so unfair,” Paige complained, grabbing a washcloth. Azzi just smirked.

After they’d cleaned themselves up, Paige was finally able to convince Azzi to change into comfier clothes. Cuddled up in Paige’s bed, they laid awake with the weight of things unsaid, but neither girl was brave enough to speak up.

Eventually, they both fell asleep, and if Paige got a little too excited the next morning when she saw 6 photos from Azzi, that was no one else’s business.

[alphajocklover]

What about a story about a sweet, kind 30something gay college English professor who wishes to get closer to his students so he wishes to be more like them. Only he turns into the worst version of himself. His turned into this younger, dumber toxic straight bro. A total docuhebag sleazebag or something. Instead of singing showtunes he's rattling off terrible jokes or rock n roll/rap songs.

Sam McGreen was a professor. A real, actual professor. He still couldn’t really wrap his head around it. It wasn’t that Sam thought that teaching was beneath him or anything, he had never really seen himself as the teaching type. Despite being a fairly successful writer whose murder mystery series had gained him a cult following, he was terribly shy when it came to public speaking. It was why he always avoided writers panels and interviews, which had sadly only increased the amount of speaking offers he got. People loved the ‘mysterious recluse’ persona he had accidentally created, and everyone wanted to be the first to get the inside scoop. Sam wouldn’t have even thought about taking the job offer to become a professor if he didn’t desperately need money. He had come down with a horrible case of writer's block, so the writing of his next book had unfortunately come to a halt, and even with the sales and royalties he got from the books he had already written, it wasn’t going to be enough to pay for the wedding. Sam had recently gotten engaged to his longtime boyfriend Micheal, and the wedding that had planned was looking… expensive. They had tried to keep it small, but both had romantic hearts and expensive taste, so it ended up getting out of hand. So, desperate for a more steady cash flow, Sam had accepted the offer to teach. He wasn’t sure what he was doing. He knew he was going to fuck this up. But… maybe he was overreacting? It wasn’t like he was teaching kindergarten. These were college students, mature adults who paid to be there. Surely they wouldn’t be that bad, right?

It took less than 5 minutes for Sam to realize how horribly wrong he was. These people were savages! He knew the school had a bit of a reputation as a ‘party school’, but he hadn’t expected it to be this bad. No one in the class seemed to take anything he said seriously. The male students, who mostly seemed to be athletic jocks, were constantly telling crude jokes, laughing obnoxiously, flexing and harassing the few students who actually wanted to be there. The few female students who hadn’t left in disgust just giggled at the nearest jocks jokes vapidly and flirted with them. No one paid attention to a thing Sam said the entire class. Sam spent all of his first class stuttering over words, getting embarrassed by his own lack of experience, and being either ignored by or laughed at by his meathead students. By the end of the day Sam felt completely lost. Every class had been the same as his first, just as embarrassing and pathetic. Sam didn’t understand what he was doing wrong? At first he thought he had just got unlucky with his first class but as the day had progressed Sam started to wonder if something was wrong with him. It couldn’t be that all the classes were filled with bad students. Maybe he was overreacting. It was only his first day after all, but he couldn’t shake this feeling that he was messing this up. Maybe if he could understand these kids better he’d be able to teach better. He had gone to college himself, but he had spent most of his free time working on his first novel. He didn’t really get the same college experience that most people did, and now it was coming back to bite him in the ass. It was late when Sam left, having stayed late to work on his curriculum. As he walked through campus to his car, he looked up at the sky and saw a particularly bright star. He stared at it for a moment, fascinated. Without even meaning to, he wished on the star. He wished to understand his students better. As he did so his eyes stayed transfixed on the star, which grew brighter and brighter.

And, in a flash, everything was different.

Sam woke up slowly the next morning, his head pounding as he did. What the heck had happened last night? He felt like he had the worst hangover ever. He got up from his bed and stumbled over to the bathroom, splashing water in his face. As his headache began to diminish into a dull throb, Sam looked in the mirror, and felt his brain short circuit. Something was wrong. Really wrong. For some reason it took him a moment to notice but… he had completely changed.

The thirty year old author looked like he was in his early twenties again, and was suddenly in much better shape than he had been before, even in his actual twenties. His eyes trailed down his strong biceps and defined abs, both in fascination and shock. He wanted to yell for his fiancée, but instead he felt himself smirk without meaning to. Without even thinking about it he lifted up his biceps and flexed, reveling in his own body. Sam didn’t understand what was going on. It was like he couldn’t control his body. Someone else was in control now.

As the other Sam, who Sam and everyone else had dubbed Green, went about his day it became apparent that Sam had gotten his wish in the worst way possible. He now understood his students perfectly, because he was just like them. A cock, arrogant, toxic, straight jock. He understood what it was like to find classes taught by pathetic professors boring as shit. He understood how it felt to party with an entire frat full of manly bros. He understood what it felt like to fuck a pussy, not caring how the bitch felt and only caring about how great his cock felt. Sam now knew exactly what it felt like to be one of his students, and he hated it. He couldn’t stop himself though. He was trapped, slowly losing himself to the new identity. Eventually Sam would forget he was anyone but Green. He convinced himself Sam was all just some weird dream. Why would he want to be some dumbass author when he was a fucking college stud?

[morganbritton132]

ahhhh i just spent the last three days reading every post on the emtts tag and im in love with your whole little universe. i kept meaning to make a list of all of the little things but i kept getting distracted and forgetting so i only started at april 18th bc i NEED (subject to your willingness to expand/care act this particular part of your universe) to hear more about all of the little stories of steve getting arrested (particularly hopper arresting steve?? and them breaking into steves parents house?)

thanks for this amazing space!! you’ve made a universe that ive been thinking about constantly and that expands on the characters in such a beautiful mundane way, its very cool!!

ps i just read one of the follow ups in the death threat part where steve admits he doesn’t want to stop teaching bc dustin asks eddie about it and i think im about to cry holy shit

pps on the death threat part with diane oh god. like just steve having to figure it out in front of her and her explaining to him and him admitting to just not being ok i just

First, thank you so much! This is all so very nice of you to say and props for getting through everything in three days. It is quite a bit! It’s honestly amazing how much has been written in such a short amount of time. I’m only going to cover Steve getting ‘arrested’ and I’ll touch on Steve and Eddie’s breaking and entering at a later date.

Steve started having seizures a little after they closed the gate on the Upside Down for good or, well. They started noticing that he was having seizures after they closed the gate. It was heavily implied in the undertone of his doctor’s voice that these seizures were likely going on for a while and that they likely not going to stop anytime soon.

Steve took this news as well as anybody could.

Everybody was kinda waiting for him to have a breakdown over it, but it never happened because Steve was – well, he wasn’t fine. Obviously. But it is what it is, right? If the worst thing to come out of all this Upside Down stuff is that he’s a little dumber than he was before than how could he complain?

Max was learning how to walk again.

What Steve didn’t take well was his doctor telling him that he wasn’t allowed to drive anymore. In fact, he did not take that news at all. He completely ignored it, and he ignored the looks that Robin when give him when he drove himself to work, and he would say, “It’s not like I’m driving the kids around or anything. It’s just me.”

“And that’s supposed to make me worry less?”

“I pull over if I feel weird.”

He wasn’t actually driving all that much anyways. Robin got her permit and Eddie got the all-clear to drive again, so no one needed to rope Nancy into lecturing him about ‘the dangers.’ He didn’t need Dustin’s complaining or Eddie’s ‘hey, maybe you should listen to them’ or Joyce stopping him on his way out the door. And he didn’t need Hopper.

Steve was learning to accept that sometimes he needed help. He was doing better, but Steve practically lived alone despite the jokes people were making about him being at Eddie’s all the time, and he wasn’t going to bother someone just because he needed toilet paper.

Steve was sitting in his car outside of the Fair Mart, trying to remember why he needed to go there in the first place, when there was a knock on his window. He startled and blinked hard twice before looking over at the drivers’ side window. He frowned.

Hopper was standing there and he looked annoyed. He gestured for him to get out of the car and Steve frowned more, fumbling with his seatbelt before pushing the door open. For lack of anything else to do once he was out of the car, Steve said, “Hey, what’s up?”

Hopper frowned more like he was annoyed with Steve which was, in itself, was really annoying because Steve didn’t do anything. He was just here to buy… He was here to get… Wait. “Huh?”

Hopper sighed loudly and repeated himself. Slowly. “Give me. Your keys.”

Maybe it was Hopper’s tone or maybe there was some stock in what his doctor said mood swings, or maybe Steve was just tired of everybody treating him like a baby that needed taken care of and watched. Just when Hopper reached to take the keys out of his hand, Steve shoved him away.

Everything kinda blurred at the edges and the headache that’s been wedged in the corner of Steve’s jaw pulsed. He didn’t really take a breath until Hopper shoved him against the hood of his car.

Hopper cuffed metal around his wrists and said, “Good going, Harrington.”

Steve yanked on his arm and snapped back, “You’re not even a cop anymore. You can’t arrest me.”

“Call it a citizen’s arrest.”

Eddie laughed for four minutes of Steve’s five minute phone call at the police station. He laughed so hard that Steve knew that he was holding his side where the bites were the deepest because they were still tender, and Steve just rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah. Yuck it up. Are you gonna get me?”

“Hm, yeah,” Eddie grinned through the phone. “Yeah. It’s a little ironic that the Prom K-“

Steve hung up the phone.

The ‘charges’ that Hopper (not a cop) threatened to ‘throw the book at him’ for were driving without a valid driver’s license. There was a part of Steve that knew that this was all just for show to teach him a lesson, but still argued that he had a valid license because no one took it away from him, and actually, “This is false imprisonment, right? Maybe I should call my family lawyer.”

It was even more annoying that Eddie – rolling into the building smelling like weed an hour later – agreed with Hopper. 

[yandere-fics]

♡ Theanna With A Darling Who Is One Of Her Spies ♡

The royal family were nothing but pushovers in your eyes, it was why you had decided to rob and kill one of the princess's when you were just fourteen and why you had decided to hid in the at the time not even in the contest fully future crown princess Theanna's room and she had been a push over too, inviting someone who had just murdered one of her siblings to be one of her spies, likely just being drawn in by seeing another girl her age, complete pushover so honestly you found yourself really enjoying it, you could get away with a lot of things as long as you funneled a bit of information back to her once per day, including stealing her jewels and valuables, she really was almost asking for it leaving them out in the open like that and she honestly never seemed to notice they went missing, occasionally huffing that she couldn't find her cuff links before shrugging it off and calling for more to be made or just going without them. The maids however hated your presence and so often when a maid became too obnoxious for you to deal with, you would simply hide in her room when she was there, waiting for a maid to come clean and then when the maid would spot you, running to tell the guards how you were stealing, you would hide and the maid would be moved or fired for making false allegations for a beloved part of Theanna's court, she really wasn't very smart, you often wondered how she even managed to become crown princess though you assumed the other options had just been dumber considered how easy it had been to kill one of them and get away with it.

So against all of your natural instincts you had begun to like your job, it didn't mean you would stay forever, the crown princess had been marriageable age for the long time now and there was no doubt whoever was going to be her queen would surely be less of a pushover than she had been and would put a stop to all the fun you'd been having all these years and by that point it would be too late to leave so you had made up your mind to leave long before anything of that sort could occur, and yet despite her being the being pushover you had ever encountered, this was the subject she would not budge on, your retirement, whenever the subject got brought up she always found something new to give you in order to distract you from it, you would almost think she was doing it on purpose but that couldn't be true, you'd know her most your whole life at this point, the princess was a complete idiot who was unaware when her items went missing or when you had slipped some forged documents in with her documents just to remove a few nobles who had started to suspect you too much for your liking and she didn't notice when you lied about certain information you were feeding her, lying about the source so she wouldn't get angry at what you had done to obtain it or outright falsifying information when it would suit your investments. She didn't even regularly attend council meetings, you knew because you had often hid up in the rafters listening in to see if anyone was starting to catch onto you and if they were, they would have to be the next one to go. There was another time you had come into her room as she slept to steal some papers and in her sleepy state she had pulled you into bed to cuddle, selling your hair before she would awake and apologize for grabbing you so suddenly, joking that you would make a perfect wife since you were so nice to cuddle before asking why you were there, accepting your excuse that you were just there to inform her of something important.

So despite her insistence on you not retiring, growing tense whenever the subject had been broached, you knew her, she was a dumb pushover and leaving would not be any challenge, except for money, you needed to ensure you would be set for life no matter what could happen, which was why when the opportunity arose to leave the country to go kill the neighboring king of another country, you'd jumped on it, it would be so easy, just kill him, take some gold and then leave, it wasn't like Theanna would be able to track you down anyways, what would she say? That the person she'd sent to murder another country's king was on the run, it would be perfect. She had made it very clear a million times though that if anything were to go wrong or if the job was much too hard then she would happily cover it up and hide you in palace walls, like an idiot she still seemed to assume you were going to be returning to her. Honestly though only a dumb ass would get so attached to one of her spies, if you had been in her shoes you would have killed anyone who had been part of your schemes in the succession war a long time ago but she really was a pushover, you assumed she just felt too bad to get rid of someone who had helped her so much.

Still it was an easy job and sure you'd been seen killing him but you'd escaped with loads of cash to boot, it was supposed to be your final job, you were never supposed to see Theanna again, you were supposed to live in the countryside with the riches you'd gained, perhaps settle down, the crown princess had not been as much of an idiot as you'd previously assumed her to be. The moment she realized you crossed her and left, she'd put out wanted posters with your face plastered everywhere acting as if she was just oh so concerned with the king of the other country who had been killed, or at least you assumed that was her strategy or else why would she be looking for you. Perhaps that's why she hadn't wanted you to go on this mission, maybe she was always planning on double crossing whoever did the work for her, it was actually really hard to tell what her motivations were, you'd been on the run for awhile and hadn't even been able to have a proper meal with all your new money since people could spot you and turn you in, you'd barely managed to evade capture in the first town you went to as it was, you wouldn't risk getting too comfortable in town, you'd just steal some food from market stalls and flee. You felt really stupid though, you'd just thought her a pushover but perhaps she had finally recently grown a backbone, you wished she would have grown a backbone after you retired though. Still this was still Theanna you were talking about, she was far from the brightest of the bunch so evading capture should have been an easy task to accomplish, a bit of a damper on your retirement but not at all something you were incapable of, you were her favorite spy after all, that had to mean you were also the best. There was no way anyone would be able to track you down, the rest of her people had to be far less competent than you were. At least they should have been less competent except as you were quickly starting to learn, they were really good at almost catching you making you begin to wonder why Theanna had been using you as her favorite spy all these years when she'd had far more capable spies all around her, was she far stupider than you thought?

You woke up to Theanna and her spies talking around your sleeping bag though they still hadn't realized you were up, you figured your best course of action would continue to pretend to be sleeping until you could hear your opportunity to run, sure Theanna's spies were talented but sh herself was an idiot so escaping from her when you were right next to her should have been a very simple task to accomplish. She was thanking them for returning you to her, you weren't sure why she was phrasing it that way though when she was surely just going to turn you over to the neighboring country but you supposed that didn't actually matter, honestly you would never know what was going on in that stupid head of hers.

"Darling get up, we have a long trip back to the capital. I honestly have no clue why my queen would wander so far out, you were supposed to return immediately." Queen? What the fuck was she talking about, she had lost her mind clearly, you thought she had grown smarter, turning you in was the smart move, but it seems like in your absence she had only grown stupider or maybe you misheard her, that seemed unlikely though, despite being a dumb ass she had always been a very smooth talker and you always understood exactly what she meant, except for the current moment. She'd called you her queen one before you think, joking since you were such a reliable ally you'd make the perfect queen but you never would have assumed it was serious, there was literally no way that could be serious, you were honestly such a detriment to the country what with all the nobles and powerful people you had framed for things over the years, you were not at all queen material. Perhaps since she didn't currently have a queen and you were her favorite spy, she had meant you were basically like her queen, yeah that was probably it, anything else would be much too stupid even by her standards.

"Your majesty, with all due respect, I think I made it very clear over our years of working together that I wished to retire to the countryside, isn't my work for you enough to earn me that privilege?" You knew she wouldn't listen yet again but it was worth a shot, after all you really didn't want to have to return to her palace were you would mostly likely die, couldn't she just find a lookalike of you and give that over to the other kingdom, this was really unfair of her, you'd worked your ass off for her and sure you'd lied a lot of took things for yourself and you may have sabotaged her a couple of times but you were her favorite for years, that had to account for something. She however just snorted at you, she fucking snorted at you, how dare she? All you wanted was to live in the countryside peacefully, you weren't going to let her get away with that. She dismissed the other spies, crouching down in front of you to speak to you.

"Nonsense, I can't have my queen that far from me, if you'd like we can take a trip to the lake house in the capital when we return once we've gotten you re-situated, as for your retirement, I've relieved you of your spy duties so now you'll be able to focus on preparing for our wedding." She stood up, offering her hand out to help you up before growing irritated as you just stood there gawking at her, bending over to just pick you up and set you on your feet, you actually couldn't understand a single word coming out of her mouth. Your wedding? Surely she couldn't mean getting married to you, that was just stupid but as you looked at her you began to realize she was completely serious. Perhaps she meant since you were her spy you had to be there to ensure her wedding went good, maybe she was just referring to it as an event that was important for both of you coming up, maybe you were grasping at straws here but you just really didn't want to think that she was actually being serious about marrying you, that would just be really stupid, it couldn't be real, you refused to let that be true.

"Wedding? W-who's your bride?" Now you felt stupid, it was pretty obviously you but honestly you wanted to deny it for even a moment longer, maybe if you kept denying it then she would realize this whole thing had been insane and would take it back or admit to it being a joke, you just needed another second where you didn't have to deal with the reality of this. You didn't want to be queen to this country, you'd sabotaged it several times and people in the palace or in the capital in general hated you, beyond that you were a fugitive, you'd killed the king of another country, how was she planning on dealing with that, she could cover up your crimes within her own kingdom but your crimes outside the country were a whole other issue, it could mean way if they discovered she was marrying their king's murderer and there was no way they wouldn't know, a servants had seen you do it, they likely had your description everywhere now.

"Darling, can you not ask such obvious questions? Of course my bride would be you, my darling queen. Now you'll finally get to rest from those years of work you put into our country, it's what my queen deserves, you were never suited for spying anyways, it's better if you just make any decisions you want as queen from now on. Just think, any person you want gone, you no longer have to frame, you can just remove them with your authority. You'll be a wonderful queen, darling." The way she just said it so casually was actually frightening, had she known you'd been framing all those courtiers who'd been executed over the years? Why had she just ignored it though, you'd gotten so many people killed so why the fuck was the crown princess just looking the other way on all of it, it was stupid!

"D-did you know I was getting rid of those people? Why did you just ignore it if you knew?!" You killed one of her most competent council members, how could she just overlook it with a smile on her face while talking about your wedding, this was just so painfully stupid, even if she liked you a lot, this was far more important than if she liked you or not, the queen had to do what was best for the country and what you had done over the years had certainly not been the best. You'd killed so many talented people over the years, so many children of noble families, nobles themselves, removed simply because they didn't like you being at court, you would not call a single part of that responsible!

"Darling, of course I was aware, did you think me an idiot?" Well yeah actually, your entirely life you'd thought she was a stupid weak pushover up until you'd had to go on the run from her, you obviously didn't say that as you helped you onto her horse, hoping on behind you. "My queen has the right to decide who she wants in her court though, who was I to stop you from removing people who irked you, I can't have people who my queen doesn't like in my court. You really were never very smart about hiding it though, it'll be good for you to be queen, now you can simply ask me and I'll make it happen. No more having to plot, darling." You were actually growing really worried about the future of her kingdom, the queen should not be able to just get rid of people because she didn't like them, she had to be stupid, there was no way she would just allow you to do all of that unless she was stupid.

"I can't be your queen! I've done so many awful things like forging documents!" She scoffed at you, one hand cradling your waist softly to ensure you stayed on the horse with her. She really was so casual about it, you'd been sabotaging her work just to make sure your own investments were boosted, how could she just be okay with that! If you were allowed to just be queen the whole kingdom would suffer, it was one thing when you were just a singular spy fucking around and had to work hard to achieve your schemes, someone who wasn't permanent and didn't have the power to completely wreck everything in a day but the queen position, you could completely destroy everything she had worked to build, you could absolutely not be queen no matter how enticing of a position it was, for the greater good you would deny this even though you still really had people left at court you hadn't gotten to kill.

"Darling, there's nothing awful about my queen wanting to be involved in my work, really you could have just come to me and I would have done if for you but I was always delighted to see one of your proposals land on my desk, the fake name you chose for these proposals really wasn't subtle darling, I don't know how you thought I didn't know. It's a rather cute trait of yours. From now on though as my queen you get to decide which thing you want to pass out not." You were going to destroy the kingdom in a day if you touched those anymore so you were going to pass, you'd settle for just killing a few people in court... wait what the fuck were you thinking? No you were not going to be her queen and you couldn't allow yourself to even ponder it, it wasn't an option for even a second, you didn't even want to be in the capital, you wanted to retire and go somewhere where people wouldn't have such a harsh opinion of you like the nobles of the capital did, if you had known you'd be stuck in the capital you would have never built up such a horrible reputation there.

"I'm not suited for that, I really shouldn't be meddling with such important documents, shouldn't your queen be someone who could actually help you with the documents and make the kingdom better instead of someone who's just going to do selfish things with the kingdom?" She chuckled a bit, her hand squeezing your waist a bit tighter.

"Darling if you don't want to work hard then you don't have to, all I require is for my darling queen to be in the room with me and love me as I do my work to soothe me, how am I supposed to do my work if my darling queen tries to go off gallivanting in the countryside, if you wish to be useful then make sure you never run away from me like this again, you really delayed all the preparations for our wedding and now all my work is going to fall on my poor council members and you wouldn't want that would you?" Sure that would apply in other marriages but this was a royal marriage! It really shouldn't be for love, this has to do with the future of the entire country! How could she just decide this based on her own stupid arbitrary feelings, that's not how things should remotely work!

"I don't love you though!" She smiled a bit, though it was a bit tense.

"Darling, I know that can't be true, why else would you allow me to cuddle you like you did, if you had no feelings then you wouldn't be allowing me to hold you as you are now. I would really appreciate it if you would not say that again, it's okay if you're shy and don't want to tell me of your love, I am very patient when it comes to my queen however lying and telling me you have no feelings for me will not be tolerated darling. A queen does not tell her king that she doesn't love them, it's entirely unacceptable, and if you could doing it I'll have no choice but confine you to my bed and ravish you until you an actually tell me the truth darling," she said the last part quietly and close to your ear. So she was delusional and stupid, what a fantastic combination!

"I don't want to be your queen! I want to travel!" She actually paused this time, the hand on your waist tightening painfully and making you wince. Her face was tense and she looked at you disapprovingly, her lips pursed as if she was still thinking about how she would respond to your little outburst. You really just hoped you'd finally gotten through to her, if not you might have to push her off the horse and just run off, though you were fairly sure she was stronger than you so that might not work like you had hoped.

"Darling, don't be an idiot, a fugitive king killer wouldn't last a day outside the comfort of my arms. All it would take is a little letter letting the neighboring kingdom I know who killed their king and you wouldn't live to sunrise." You froze, in all the years you'd known her, you didn't know she could be so scary, you'd made a mistake yelling at her. "Or if by chance though I highly doubt it, you manage to evade their soldiers, as soon as the nobles became aware you and I were no longer working together, they would come to exact their revenge on you, there's nowhere in the world you can go darling except for my loving arms. It's a shame though, I had hoped being hunted like a dog would rid you of that pesky desire to run from me but I suppose I'll just have to confine you to our bedroom until you can understand where your place is as my queen."

...well at least now you'd get to get rid of people, you'd make sure to enjoy that to try to alleviate the suffering you were about to face as her queen.

[toptierteaser]

Fatty Inspection (Pt. 1)

(Contains severe teasing)

Well, it looks like it’s that time again, fat boy!

                It’s measuring time! It’s time to size you up! Time for the weigh-in! It’s your slot for us to calculate how much damage you’ve done to yourself! To determine how big you’ve grown! To poke and prod and see what effects all that constant sitting around on that blubbery ass and stuffing your happy, satisfied face has done to the once-fit, handsome jock who waddles in, his sheepish face bushing as he sets his eyes on the weighing room.

                It’s funny, fatty. Watching you lower your tubby body into the measuring chair! It’s so awkward for you, now, isn’t it? Judging by how much pudge you’ve packed onto that fat frame of yours, you’re clearly struggling trying to retain your balance, trying to navigate around the shrinking world as your stomach and ass and thighs expand, as your chest softens and plumps up, as your face gets fatter, dumber, happier by the bite!

                You’re not used to it, are you, fat boy? All that extra chub? All that chunkiness? I can tell it surprises you, how snug the seat is. The seat that once easily accommodated your muscular body. And look at you, now, fatty! You’re BUSTING out of it! You’re larding out in every direction! Look at yourself! Look at the way your rolls poke through the bands on the sides! Look at the way your thighs don’t even fit, how your fat ass has started to push out over the edges of the chair. I’ll be taking note of that, fatty, don’t you fret.

                Okay, lard ass, now, let’s get started! Hmm…wow. Look how much further my finger sticks into your gut! Look how much farther I can push into your pudge…hehe, it’s much deeper than last time! Okay…now let’s measure the depth of the belly button…hehe…aww, is that ticklish piglet? Heh, you’ve gotten so sensitive since you began larding out. All that pudge must be extra ticklish, isn’t it fat ass? Okay, now hold still dude, or I’m gonna get an assistant in here to keep you still…that’s a good fatboy. Oh, wow! Look how deep your gut button has gotten! That’s got to be at least an inch deeper than your last inspection! Hmm…and I’ll make note, of course, that you’re more ticklish than usual.

                Alright, now for the measurements…round the chest. Woah, your boobs have gotten fatter! Hehe, look at that gut, fat boy! Damn, you are one round porker, aren’t you piggy? That’s got to be at least a few inches bigger than your last weigh-in! Hehe, but of course I could have told you that when you came in here, from the way your tummy pokes out underneath your shirt! From the way your thighs were rubbing like crazy! Oh, speaking of which…WOAH! Dude, look at these juicy thunder thighs! Heh, watch them shake! Damn, you’ve really pudged up in the last month! What have they been feeding you? You’re blubbing out like a balloon, piggy! No matter, I’ll just pull up your dietary records from the nutritionist afterwards, no need to embarrass yourself telling me how much you binged in the last month. I already know you’ve been stuffing your fat, pathetic face on the regular, pork chop!

                Alrighty, then…now for the piece de resistance! Wiggle on over here, piggy…that’s right…that’s a good fat ass…Woah…Oh…My…GOD. Dude! Look at this! Look at THIS! I can’t believe it, but your ass has gotten even fatter, fat ass! How the hell did you manage that, thiccums? Hmm? Hehe, what were you deliberately stuffing your cakes with cakes? Hehe. Sorry….dumb joke…though, of course, not as dumb as you…

                Well, there’s only one thing left to do piggy…I’ll need to do a thorough inspection of your exercise capabilities. Of course, I’ll be prescribing a diet regiment that I know your fat ass won’t follow, hehe! But, first, let’s gat that blubbering ass up on the treadmill, oinker!

(To be continued...)

[nuclear-w1nter]

Hancock discovered he liked to make Nick laugh. Who wouldn't? Not like it was too hard, at least for him. Most of the commonwealth just assumed that Nick had no sense of humor, or that he never laughed at anything because he worked all the time. While the second was woefully true (Hancock and Nora had been trying for ages to make the synth relax for even a moment, with varying degrees of success and heaping mounts of failure) the first was just an outright lie. Nick had plenty of humour. He just wasn't the greatest at actually telling jokes.

Now, some did land pretty well, particularly the raider—bomb "beep-beep-beep" story, where Nick grinned like a fool every time he retold it, or the snappy comebacks he'd quip at the more bigoted of the Boston area. Other than that it was mostly bad puns, and afterwards Nick would act embarrassed he'd even bothered to tell them. That fact made them much funnier than what they were.

But when Hancock talked to Nick, he was always a little bit surprised at what made the gumshoe laugh. Hancock could tell some good ones, and that usually did a decent job, as it did on almost anybody. But what really got Nick was… for lack of a better word, way dumber than what the commonwealth might've assumed.

"This is the guy I've been looking for," Nick had said to Hancock on the doorstep of Goodneighbour, holding a little Polaroid photo in his metal hand, "You recognize him?"

In the photo, a man with a flannel shirt on, torn and grey, with a pair of jeans that looked utterly destroyed by the threads. His hair was thinning, and he had no shoes on, somehow managing to be entirely barefoot despite the fact that the possibility of stepping on a dirty nail and getting an infection was just as dangerous as a super mutant. Hancock shook his head. "Nah, man, I haven't seen that one around here, think I would recognize a guy who's got his sha-boing-boing's out like that."

Nick had shut his eyes, clasping the fingers of his good hand around the bridge of his nose. At first, he'd just assumed Nick was irritated, or mad, and braced himself for some sort of scolding. This is serious, Hancock, he ran off with stolen goods. Instead what he was met with was the opposite.

A grin cracked on Nick's face, small at first, but the more seconds passed the more it grew, until the hand on his nose went to his lips to try and cover it up. His mechanical shoulders shook just a little, and for the life of him, Hancock thought he heard the detective's fans whirring and sputtering. He was about to ask if Nick was hurt, before he heard the laughing.

It was an odd noise, higher pitched than one might expect and somewhat… garbled at parts? Like the man's voice box couldn't keep up with the pitch, and so to compensate it became warbly and static-like in places. To those who hated synths it might've sounded scary, but to Hancock it just made the man somehow more endearing. As if that were even possible.

"Hancock—" Nick tried to say, almost unable to in the midst of his wheezing and laughter. "I-I've never in my life— heard anyone say some shit like sha—" and then he dissolved into more compulsive fits of laughter, and Hancock was sure he'd seen the detective's cheeks turn as grey as a bruise, apparently his version of a flushed face.

Hancock smiled, lopsided and cocky. "Nicky? Are you serious?" Hancock began to laugh with him. "Of all things I say, sha-boing-boing's is the thing that does it to you?" Nick burst into another fit of giggles as Hancock spoke. Jesus Christ, the man sounded like he was fucking dying, and Hancock started to wheeze with laughter alongside him.

[brawltogethernow]

I actually misremembered who made the suggestion; this is @heyyoufriendthere (orange⬇️)'s fault. Plaintext with annotations below the cut.

This is the very picture of an intellectual rights fracas Comics will warp to be like films as fast as you can say "huzzah" But when a megamonopoly swallows up the competition It yanks our blorbos back and forth in an ugly retcon perdition When only Fox can make a movie about the Fantastic Four, The Disney-owned comic office will shove the Four right out the door Until the Disney studio absorbs those rights and then you'll find The comics are suddenly awful sorry they left them behind(1) Then in the instant comic fans begin to cheer an awful lot The news comes in from Bleeding Cool(2) the writer is that fucker Slott(3)

Oh yes when comics warp to be like films and leave you quite agaw This is the very picture of an intellectual rights fracas

When Disney didn't have the rights to film the X-Men and their friends The Inhumans were their idea to have that same magic again But absolutely nobody could give a damn about their deal There was a gas or something uh, the Moon? Nobody cares get real EXCEPT for Ms. Marvel, the only Inhuman breakout success They want her all over the screen at excited public behest Oh yes when comics warp to be like films and leave you quite agaw This is the very picture of an intellectual rights fracas For years the MCU was not allowed to say the word "mutant" They twisted themselves into pretzels out to recoup every cent The silver screen had two Quicksilvers purely for dumb spite reasons With roots in even dumber masturbatorial rights reasons(4) Wanda and Pietro had their sixth or seventh origin retcon(5) To fit the "No More Mutants!"(6) edict corporate decided upon Then Disney bought the M word back for 73 billion bucks (A number that should make you want to strangle all these greedy fucks)

Oh yes when comics warp to be like films and leave you quite agaw This is the very picture of an intellectual rights fracas

Now suddenly it's mutant city all over the comic line They let the X-Men start a sex cult; also they can never die With no need for Inhumans they admitted that they're pretty cringe And nobody will ever give their lore a proper reading binge The MCU made Kamala a mutant like immediately Faster than you can say "bad adaptation" or "brand synergy" In short order the comics gave her the murderization hook In such a hurry it wasn't even in her own fucking book(7) Now big surprise she's coming back on the fucking sex cult island They gave it less than one whole month before they played their fucking hand So Kamala's a mutant now(8) and got a shitty mourning book(9) Which when she's coming back NEXT MONTH you might call a pretty bad look

IT'S TRUE WHEN COMICS WARP TO BE LIKE FILMS AND LEAVE YOU JUST AGAW THAT IS THE VERY PICTURE OF AN INTELLECTUAL RIGHTS FRACAS

~ (1) "At the time, we were told that the Fox-licensed X-Men books weren't to be cancelled as they made too much money for the publisher, but the FF as a middling sales solo title could be missed without hurting the bottom line."

From 2014, when Fox was preparing its 2015 release of Fant4stic, until Disney's film branch recovered the rights by absorbing Fox, the FF were conspicuously absent from comics. The Fantastic Four book was discontinued for the first time since 1962 (for most of those decades they'd supported multiple titles at once) along with all associated merch tchotchkes. By 2017 there was a Twitter hashtag, #WhereAreTheFantasticFour. If you want to hear some people be driven slowly insane by this, Stormcast had a segment called Stormwatch where they analyzed any Johnny Storm appearances in a given month. We're talking deep analyses of single panels.

(2) I know I just linked them, but part of the joke is Bleeding Cool's weird place in the geek news ecosystem. They report everything first, so for the first week you know something you can't strictly confirm it's actually true.

(3) I don't have time to enumerate Slott's crimes but we hate him. Source: Dude trust me👍

(4) How A B-List Hero Became Hot Hollywood Property Fox could adapt him because they had the rights to all mutants, and Disney could because they had the rights to all Avengers. Some characters are both because the comics didn't use to care about this. This is the entire reason the MCU introduced a Pietro Maximoff and then killed him off. Like seriously who kills off one twin. No that was not based on any comic story.

(5) They're not currently Magneto's kids in the main comic line. Everyone hates this.

(6) This is a cheap reference to the comic storyline "House of M".

(7) They killed her off in Amazing Spider-Man (2022) #26 and none of her supporting cast was there.

(8) Kamala Khan to Return in “Ms. Marvel: The New Mutant”

(9) Look at this thing:

WHO are those anonymously multiracial teens and what are they so goddamn happy about?

~

Bonus

[nightfall-kachiniko]

starry night // hawks x reader fanfic

summary: lonely nights cause for longing. you stare at the blank ceiling, your mind full. His number on your phone. He fills the lonely with his presence, even by the crack of his voice.

“mmm.. hey.. you alright birdie…?” the sleepy voice softly mutters through the speaker of your phone, his tired hums acting as a sense of reassurance as they fill your ears.

The dark room around you felt all to quiet. The silence reminding you of the loneliness that filled your house. It felt like self confinement, being alone was. Starting at the wall and scrolling on your phone gave you no help. No matter how many times you tossed and turned, it could never give you that sense of comfort you longed for. After hearing the silence that filled around you, it was finally silenced by a few short rings and a soft voice through your phone, the one that gave a sense of relief in your chest. Though even though your clock read 2:09 AM, you were accompanied by the half awake hero on the other end of the phone.

“hey kei..” you say, your voice not as weary as his. Your eyes felt heavy, but only shut to blink. Your body felt as heavy as a weighted blanket, but your mind remained awake. The bedsheets crinkled as you slightly adjust yourself, bringing yourself closer to the phone placed to your side.

“you okay honey..?” his groggy voice asks again. You feel a warmth burning inside you, slowly easing up to his presence. Though you had his words, you still longed for his touch.

“Yeah, I’m just- too tired to sleep.” You said blankly. You heard a slight chuckle from the other end, followed by an “only you..”

You slightly smiled at his playful response, a sweet comfort erupting in your chest. “It’s just too quiet.”

“mmm.” He hummed in understanding, the background filled with the small sound of his bedsheets rustling.

“is there something on your mind..?” you heard him softly say, his voice seeming more closer than before.

“Just thoughts.” You say. “stop thinking” he replies back, making another one of his dumb jokes that makes ur lips slightly curl. You can sense his smile coming through the screen as he hears you laugh, he’s probably got that sleepy look in his face.. where he’s slightly smiling but his eyes are shut.. his hair is messy and the pretty marking on his eyes look like a drawing. He reminds you of a painting.

Like a soft song, the type of songs that reminds you from the smallest gust of wind that blows through your hair, silencing the suns warmth on your skin for a split second, to the peace of a quiet, saddened night, the type that gives darkness an alluring feel.

“you’re so dumb..” you softly smile as you hear a small scoff through the speaker. “you’re dumber.” he said. “righttt…” you breathed out.

“sorry I called, I know you have work early tomorrow I just-“

“hey, don’t worry about it.” He interrupted. “I can’t talk to you if I’m knocked out huh?”

You scoffed a small laugh, followed by a small smile beginning to curl at the corner of your lips.

“I’d rather talk to you then sleep anyway, the morning comes wayy too quickkk..” you heard Keigo yawn.

“Kei, we spend eight hours a day in the same office,” you laughed a bit, “how are you not tired of me..?” You asked the semi-serious question in a kid tone.

“eight hours isn’t enough.” the phone said. “if anything neither is the whole day.”

you softly smiled, his words causing that wave of anxiety to pass over with a slight breeze.

“I wish you had more time. ” you confessed. your eyes remained starting at the bare ceiling.

“You want me to come over?” He asked, sending a pang to your heart. “You do know it’s 2 in the morning, right?” You said. “Mhmmm…” he hummed. “Kei, you’ll be exhausted.” Your mouth talked, but your heart stayed silent, even though it tugged on your vocal cords, telling you to speak it.

“so what? I’ll be with you.”

His response made you softly smile, breathing out .

“It’s raining, you’ll get your wings wet.”

“You got towels right?” You rolled your eyes, as your grunts were heard through the phone.

“Plus, I know you want me to.” the phone said In a flirty tone, making you blush out of embarrassment.

“oh my god- Just get over here you idiot” you said, rolling ur eyes with smile plated on your face.

his small chuckle hummed through the phone.

“See you in a little bit, yeah?”

“yeah.” You replied, before hanging up the phone.

Your eyes remained at the ceiling, now feeling the silence all around you. Everything was so quiet, too quiet. It was dark, but not saddening. It was lonely, but not depressing. It was just bare. Everything was too blank, even if the walls were filled with posters and decorations, the house itself felt alone.

you spaced out for a while, your eyes glued at the dull setting surrounding you. And soon after a while, a small shut of the window, pulled you out of your trance.

you stepped out of your room, seeing the back of his figure.

“Geez.. I’ve told her… so many times about leaving that window unlocked..” you heard him mutter under his breath, his presence making your lips slightly curl into a relieved smile.

“Well how else would you get in?” You snarky replied, your unexpected voice making his shoulders tense up.

he turned around, a bit more swift than usual, to see you standing behind him, looking at him in the way that makes his heart pound. Your arms crossed together in that sassy way you do, as you were clothed in the pajamas he had gotten you for your office’s ‘Secret Santa’. But the best thing wasn’t the way you leaned back against ur door frame- or how your hair was slightly ruffled from its friction against your pillow. It wasn’t the way you looked in the dim light, or the dumb fluffy socks that’d make him blush everytime he saw you in them. It wasn’t the way one of your legs were positioned slightly infront of the other, or the way your fingers pushed back the hair in front of your face. But that distinctive smile, the one that laid plastered on your face like a painting. The way your lips curl slightly upwards, showing off a faint glimpse your dimples on your cheek. The smile that elevates the plump or your soft lips. The smile that consumes him like the second medicine kicks in. The smile thats so contagious it moves his facial muscles for him, reflecting that same, soft, smile back to you without even realizing it, like a natural instinct of his, his body moving on its own. The smile that softens his gaze. The smile that no one else gets to see but him.

“hey…“ he smiled through your gaze, “hey..” you said back, his look making you smile wider. “If you ever get broken into because of that I will taunt you about it for the rest of your life. ” He said his soft smile turning to a sneaky smirk.

“Oh haha- you’re hilarious..” you roll your eyes, trying to hide your smile.

“Just saying,” he said, coming closer to you. His hands sneaked around your waist, pulling you closer to him. The atmosphere eased with an intimate aroma. The air surrounding you becoming more thick. More sensual. His eyes didn’t help either, as they started back at yours, taking glances at your lips every so often.“What if.. a villain comes through your window huh..?” You weakly laughed at his tease, you both somehow closer than before. .

“oh hush- The only villain coming through my window is you.” You joked back at him.

“I’m a double agent, different thing.”

“Yeah tell that to the league, then they’ll be breaking through your window.”

Your remark made him chuckle, his laugh eventually becoming a muffle as he kissed your soft lips. His gentle pecks becoming passionate as they continued, his exhales breezing a warm breath on your skin. Your arms found its way to his broad shoulders, relaxing them onto him, as his grip tightened at your waist, luring your lower body closer to his.

Keigo’s grasp was firm and protective, the heat of his body radiating his warmth onto you. His tall, strong figure towered over your body, his hand making its way to cup your cheek.

“mmm… thats what i missed…” He said lowly, a rasp in his throat.

He finished the kiss by giving you a firm, aggressive peck on your cheek, making you let out a giggle.

“Gosh you tryna kill me.?!” You playfully hit him to let go.

“Mmm that was the goal.” He teased, pulling his head back.

“Damn you suck at killing people.” You scoffed

“Nahh don’t worry I’ll get you in your sleep” your smile widened at his stupid joke as you muttered a “shut up” through a few laughs.

“Speaking of sleep..” he began to speak.

“Ohh yeah…!” You recalled. You two were having too much fun to even realize the clock read 2:35. If he hadn’t of brought it up, you two would’ve probably gotten no sleep at all.

“Ughh I blame you, you distracted me,” you groaned, opening the door to your bedroom.

He gently released his hands from your side. “Oh yeah? Distracted by what exactly..?” He smirked.

“Oh my god just get in the bed Keigo” You replied back, flustered.

“A request orr a demand?…because I’ll do whatever you want sweetheart.”

“KEI-!”

“OKAY HAHA FINE-“ he laughed like a child, before playfully falling on the bed, grabbing your waist and pulling you down with him.

He laughed at your squeal before you thudded onto him, feeling his chest raise up and down with every laugh that escaped his lips. You punched him as your way to get back.

He smiled at the snarky smirk on your face, feeling accomplished at your act of revenge. "that didn't even hurt" he said, smirking back at you.

"shut up before I make it" you replied as he pecked your cheek, making you softly smile.

Keigo pulled your under the covers with him, cradling you to his chest. "Now…go to bed." He muttered, his body relaxing slowly into the bed, releasing the exhaustion he held back with laugh and giggles, finally letting it take over him.

You softly smiled at being close to him again, your head buried into the crook of his neck, his strong arms wrapping lovingly around you, as his warmth surrounded you. Now you could see that lovely face you imagined over the phone, where his eyes are closed, but a small soft, sweet smile laid on his face. His sleepy face, You kissed it, gently.

You eased into his arms, cuddling closer to your lover as he hummed sweetly, pressing a kiss to the crown on your head before resting his next to yours.

“ m’ love you,” you heard him grumble, making your lips curl into a soft smile. “I love you too kei..”

He’s calm. That’s who he was. A peaceful painting you painted in your head. And in the darkest lonely night, he wasn’t the shine of light through your window. He didn’t magically make the night day. But he made the dark just as comforting. Just as peaceful as the light. He reminded you that though you’re surrounded by the darkness, the stars still shine light. And though it is dark, and there isn’t much light, there’s still the same peace as if it was day. That’s just who Keigo was, a painting. A beauty of streaks of colors and light. An image with a hidden story inside. Keigo, he..was ur starry night.

[ceilingfan5]

go around

@taznovembercelebration "super au" and "silly"

“Man,” Taako sighs, as quietly as possible. “This is the second time I’ve been a hostage this month.” He’s not tied up this time, at least, but he’s sitting in the back hallway of the bank and regretting his choice of errands today. The guy next to him nods. 

“You too, huh?” He’s pretty, and goth, very serious-with-a-side-of-secretly-goofy, and Taako wants to crack him like a nut. Shame they’re busy waiting for the supervillain of the week to either get got or get his private island and fourteen pounds of gummy worms, or fucking whatever. “It’s ridiculous. They need to spend less money on making flashy superheroes and more on just–security, infrastructure, safety, you know, mental health initiatives-”

“Or maybe we need to break down and be supervillains ourselves.” Taako shrugs, with an I’m JOKING I PROMISE…unless? Air about him. He’s sick of it. 

“Really?” Handsome asks, laughing a little. 

“Really,” Taako says, still kind of joking, but also kind of not joking. “Taako can barely get his errands done when there’s no Captain Backwards Lightning Man in the way, you know? It’s enough to make a guy wanna destroy some well-placed props.”

Handsome laughs. 

“You’re Taako, I take it?”

“In the flesh, skele-fellow. You?”

“Kravitz,” Kravitz says, and then, “Probably. If I’m going to be a villain, you don’t know that, and I’ll have to erase your memories, or something.”

“Or we could be a team,” Taako teases. “We could be the only ones who knew each other’s secret identities. You could come over for chicken alfredo, I could go to yours for game night, little bit of blackmail to keep things spicy-”

Kravitz laughs, and covers his mouth, but it must not be too loud, or maybe the gummy worm accords are going sour, because nothing comes of it except an embarrassing amount of affection from Taako. 

“I wish I had a power worth doing anything drastic about,” he admits, looking at Taako for comiseration or approval or something else that might lead to romance. 

“Yeah? Cha boi’s in the same boat, so keep paddling. Dumber supers have done worse.”

“Really? I mean- about your power, I remember, uh, Pickle Monster.”

“Who could forget.” Taako shakes his head solemnly. “Yeah, no, I can read minds, but only if it’s food related.”

“Seriously?” Kravitz grins. “I love specific powers, but that sort of thing drives me nuts in practice. Like- surely the universe could have been kinder?”

“Would it ever stoop so low?” Taako snorts. “No, seriously, try me.”

“Okay,” Kravitz says, screwing up his nose in the cutest stinking way Taako has ever seen. “What was my dinner last night?”

Taako looks him directly in the eye, feels that weird connection he gets with people sometimes, the sort of way that makes him sweaty and lonely. He steps right into Kravitz’s doorway, looks around his home, wonders if there’s more than meets the eye. Surely. It’s welcoming enough, maybe just because Kravitz is inviting him in, in this moment. Much less of a trespass than it usually is. 

He watches the memory unfold, and feels fond over this dork, who looks so business goth put together on the outside. 

“You air-fryered tater tot nachos,” Taako says, and Kravitz blinks, surprised, and Taako’s shunted right back out. 

“Really? You really got that much?”

“Oh, honey-nugget, I got more than that, I’m just trying to-”

“How much do you get?”

Taako grimaces. 

“Pretty much everything, especially if emotions are, uh, involved? You- uh. You poured frozen tater tots in the air fryer, dropped one on your bare foot and started bleeding, went to put a pokemon bandaid on it, and when it beeped for you to turn the food, and you tried to test one, because your timing was off because the package didn’t have air fryer instructions, you dropped it on your other bare foot and burnt it.” 

Kravitz’s mouth drops open. 

“Sorry?” Taako says, even sweatier. “You opened the door, kemosabe.” 

“Right,” Kravitz says, with a conspicuous glance at his shiny boy shoes. 

“I wasn’t trying to intrude,”

“No, I, get it, I, could have picked something else.” Kravitz clears his throat and loosens his black-on-black rose patterned tie. “Mine isn’t nearly as interesting.”

“Seriously?” Taako snorts. “Maybe you have an eight foot vertical leap, or your snot is acid.” 

“Is acid snot better than mind reading?”

“Dog, everything’s better than mind reading, do you know how fucking loud the world is all the goddamn time?”

“Touché.” Kravitz glances at the noise from the bank lobby, but nothing seems to come of it. He shifts his feet, looking at them again. “I mean, they were good tater tots.”

“Sometimes food that hurts fucks harder.” 

“So true?” Kravitz laughs. “I wish I had super healing, or super-not-being-a-dumbass, but, you know,”

“Man, if I was super-not-a-dumbass, I really could take over the world. Watch out, Townsville! Pew pew!” 

Kravitz looks at him with some kind of goopy eye disease that could be confused for fondness, if you were stupid, like Taako. 

“I just- so, see, I have this knife?”

“Yeah?” Taako looks him over for said knife, which he does not manage to produce. “Taken, was it?”

“Mhm,” Kravitz sighs, glancing at the lobby again. Some loud discussion is going on, between the somebody of police and TToday’s Evil Baddoer. “I can cut these little rifts with it, nothing huge, because it’s just a big fancy pocket knife, but I can store stuff in there, which is kind of neat. One time I climbed through and found myself somewhere else, but it was really difficult, on account of the small blade and all.”

“Yeah?” Taako’s heart pounds. “Seriously? Does it have to be the one knife?”

Kravitz pauses, and then turns to him directly. 

“I’ve only done it with the one knife, I guess. And a grapefruit spoon.” 

“What if-”

“Oh my god.”

“Hear me out-”

“Oh my god.”

Taako casts about for literally any kind of blade, fucking at all. There’s a letter opener that looks like a sword on the Mortgage Guy’s desk, and Taako checks out Super Badguy in the lobby, and then slowly, painfully, starts sneaking his way toward it. Kravitz chews his fingernails behind him, and truly fourteen thousand ice ages later, Taako returns, and hams up presenting the letter opener to Kravitz.

Kravitz stares at it, and hestiates. 

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

“It doesn’t work and you’re mad at me,” Kravitz admits, painfully honest. 

“What if it does work?”

“I’d take you out for dinner,” Kravitz admits, fully focused on the silver blade. 

“What kind?”

“Any sort of food you’d like?” And Taako steps into his mind one more time, slips in through the door, and finds himself in a nice restaurant across from Kravitz in a cute dark purple button up, slut that he is, one button open, just a hint, just a peek, and they kiss over the dessert, which costs way too much for crème brûlée, but Taako won’t tell him that, no sir.

And he zhoops right back out. 

“You have to do it,” he says, a little breathless. Kravitz looks at him, alarmed, and back at the letter opener, whcih he finally takes. He moves it around in the air, getting a feel for it, and then SWIPES–

And a flickering, dark tear in reality appears. Kravitz covers a gasp, Taako doesn’t, and certainly they’ll be spotted soon, but Kravitz tears and rips and hacks into the rip in the universe, and once he gets it big enough, tears at it with his hands, and then gets a knee in there, and there’s a sickening non-sound as it widens ever so slowly, achingly, and Taako watches with deep, embarrassing affection as Kravitz manages to clamber through, looking like an absolute idiot, and turns and reaches an arm out for Taako.

Fucking ROMANCE. 

“I’ve, gotta-”

“We’ll go around and help from the other side, Taako,” Kravitz promises. “It’ll just be way easier if I get literally anything sharper.” 

“Oh,” Taako says, relieved. And he jumps into Kravitz’s arms, because he has the chance, and it’d be more embarrassing if he didn’t take it. 

Any kisses between the jumping and the rescuing are off the record, and also private. So there. 

[id: gameboard with 15 spaces, 1-6 taken up with stickers of a cat, fish, "good worker", door, dragon, and "kapow"]

[br0ught2l1fe]

Headcanons on what the creeps would be like in a bl^nt rotation [includes jane the killer, clockwork, jeff the killer, ben drowned, and ticci toby]

—————————————————

a/n: these are my headcanons on what the creeps [jane, jeff, natalie, toby, ben] are like during a blunt rotation with eachother. if you havent already, i really recommend reading my headcanons on what the creeps are like high on their own time here just to understand this post a bit better. enjoy c:

✮ in this rotation we have: ben, jeff, toby, jane, and natalie aka clockwork

✮ lets set the scene: usually everyone’s go to smoke sesh spot is ben’s room because it’s just the vibiest and he’s always got the good stuff on him. his room will have his led light’s on and they WILL be on green. it’s a must to be on green. all his other lights like his lava lamp will also be on. and he’ll always have some quiet lofi on in the back to give the room a relaxing feel. [ben can be a jerk sometimes but one thing he will do is make sure everyone is comfortable enough to start smoking. we don’t want any panic attacks]

✮ unfortunately for nina, she is never invited to the sesh anymore because she tends to be highly annoying

✮ mainly the conversations between everyone starts off easy going, usually just talking about what slender did to piss them off this time or whatever crazy/strange thing they witnessed today.

✮ ben is definitely the one that’s got everyone laughing, like i said in another post he’s the absolute funniest when he’s high off his ass. it gets even better when toby starts joking along with him, i mean these guys are masters at bouncing jokes off each other.

✮ jeff will talk about his most recent murders while insensitively making jokes about them while jane rolls her eyes

✮ both jane and natalie at some point will playfully start picking on jeff to which he will playfully pick on them back

✮ this usually starts by jeff saying something stupid or saying something that just didn’t really make sense and natalie and jane will point it out every single time and make fun of him for it

✮ another thing is that when jeff tells a story he uses sound effects and it’s the funniest thing to natalie and jane, they’ll definitely make fun of the sounds and mock him

✮ examplé, jeff was once describing how he timed himself to see how fast he can kill someone [he’s lame like that, i wasn’t kidding when i said he was insensitive to his victims/murders] at one point he described the sound of his knife as “chchchch” to which natalie and jane simultaneously mocked the sound and laughed for a good 10 minutes about it

✮ both jeff and natalie will argue over his hypothetical questions about who is right or why their idea would never work

✮ both jeff and natalie really enjoy discussing on what they would do if a zombie apocalypse were to actually happen

✮ toby and ben eventually chime in to their conversation but they never take the conversation seriously

✮ so we have jeff and natalie arguing like the situation is genuinely happening at that very moment while ben and toby are cracking jokes about what they would do and making fun of jeff and natalie while pointing out the holes in their plans while jane just laughs along and listens

✮ eventually at some point ben and toby will decide they wanna go out and do something which usually involves a gas station run and just running around the nearby town acting like children

✮ jeff, jane, and natalie tag along but they’re falling behind caught up in talking about some random drama that natalie definitely brought up on accident [that girl cant keep a secret]

✮ sometimes if they smoked alot, ben and toby will come up with the dumbest ideas

✮ once, they both went out during the winter in like 40 degree weather and jumped off a bridge literally just for fun

✮ and they’ve done way more dumber things than that

✮ like this one time they both convinced the whole group to sneak into a house party where the cops ended up getting called and toby being the funny guy he thinks he is shouted out something along the lines “aww who invited these guys”. obviously that got the attention of the officers who noticed they were all high. basically that night consisted of a party and running away from cops chasing them.

✮ jane and natalie are basically a duo in the group

✮ eventually they’ll start talking to just each other and it’s usually about more drama natalie can’t keep to herself or they’re talking shit about nina or making fun of jeff

✮ they will definitely start sharing tmi details about their life with each other [as besties do]

✮ after a few hours most of them will get tired

✮ usually toby and natalie get tired around the same time and jane will end up going to her room since nat’s not there anymore

✮ so it’s just jeff and ben left

✮ thats when it starts to get deep

✮ i headcanon jeff and ben to be close friends so once it’s just them left thats when they feel comfortable enough to start getting into heavier topics

✮ i mean this is the one and only time jeff will ever show emotions and disclose information about him actually… like… caring?… about people. which is the strangest thing to hear coming from jeff considering how he puts on a cold and distant persona around people

✮ like he has opened up to ben about how grateful he feels to have him in his life and even toby and natalie too. he has opened up about how he really does enjoy being able to talk about his dumb theories with natalie and to actually know that she is truly listening knowing that she’s also into that stuff

✮ after knowing jeff for as long as he has it’s not strange hearing this from him but in the past he was SHOCKED i tell you. shocked. because it was just so unlike him

✮ but even after years of being jeff’s best friend it still shocked him to hear jeff admit to how he felt bad for what he did to jane even though she really does get on his nerves.

✮ but yea these guys will spill their guts when it’s just them

————————————————————————

a/n: that’s all i got. if you have any more ideas or suggestions dm me and i will consider adding them all to a part 2! if you want to see any other headcanons topics you can dm me those requests too because MY REQUESTS ARE OPENN!!!! also check out my jeff the killer hcs <3

have a great day and don’t forget to be nice 💕

[linaharutaka]

gen question but isnt dedegoon or dedesuka or whatevr a proship? ive seen some ppl calling it a proship cuz its abusive but your bio says proship dni so idk if its ok to ship or what (sorry im new to this)

hiya! thank you for your ask! it isnt and heres why

first of all i am /Not/ proship. i am not anti-anti or whatever either. what drives me to ship them is the fact theyre friends who like to be in each other's company. i like their sweet moments together. they bond over scamming an innocent population and bullying children. they're partners in crime. theyre besties who talk shit about others as a hobby.

i also don't think theyre already dating. i look at their relationship and im like. you guys have some kind of weird crush on each other and you're also selfish assholes. they're in the world's worst situationship.

"but dedede whacks escargoon a lot!" not only does escargoon get physical towards him too (the dynamic starts shifting in the dentist episode) but his "punishments" are often for a reason. escargoon is often very mean to dedede. in almost every episode he calls him hopeless or stupid or ugly or anything like that. and that gets him a whack. if i were dedede i'd do that too! it'd piss me off! having my lackey who i pay and who i consider my best friend insult me so overtly over and over LOL. but does escargoon ever try and stop him his evil doing? hell no! the guy helps him and gives him advice and ideas! he is NOT a good guy either. he loves being mean! he literally says it!

of course escargoon cares a loy about him. pretty sure everyone is aware. i don't even need to compile all the times he runs after him or worries about his well being. one time he "left" after he realised he'd have to do all the waddle dee's chores and didn't want to do his job. guess who's shown tearing up when seeing what poor state dedede is in after being left all on his own. he's always protecting him and defending him (sometimes backhandedly) from other people. he holds dedede dear. it's obvious he does. he's an old man, he's not being manipulated into liking dedede. he genuinely cares about the guy.

there are episodes where they bicker a lot but end up getting along, episodes where they're the best of friends and episodes focused on their resentment against one another. the show kind of yoyos with their relationship. it's not really anything to take seriously. if you get offended from their interactions you'd get a heart attack from watching looney tunes. the back and forth of their dynamic is part of the fun!

I *highly* recommend watching the original version of the show as the dub often replaces sweet lines they share with jokes that don't really hit the mark. it's a shame. (however i will give the dub some credit on occasion)

Actually, i have a [post] that compiles a lot of sweet screenshots of them together. it doesnt include the times where they hold on to each other in the cannons or in the whispy woods episode or when esxargoon said "isnt this strange? can't you feel we're striving apart?" and dedede says "what! that's ridiculous!" in a lighthearted voice. or when escargoon makes a joke about a late night drive being romantic and dedede just? laughs in agreement? there's a scene where they call each other stupid in the most friendly way ever. i actually have a handy twitter of fun scenes where escargoon gets away with some things (doesn't include when escargoon yells at him in the fireworks episode or orders him in episode 69), like saying *he's* actually the one in power because dedede isn't competent enough to reign. or dedede understanding escargoon's concerns of him becoming dumber than he is already.

they're just villains who are attached to each other and are a team no matter what.

escargoon protects dedede a lot, and he cares about him more than what his job entails, but people tend to forget he's got a special place in dedede's heart too.

dedede keeps an album of pictures they took together. he never threatens to fire him and, as far as i know, never even cuts his salary and is the only one in the castle to even have a bonus. he shares the food he keeps from the waddle dees with him in episode 93. he clarifies he doesnt want knuckle joe's monsters to attack either of them. he's fine spending large amounts of money on him. twice? he never calls him ugly somehow. he even thanks him for having put up with him for so long and serving him well when the world is about to end. and then he clings unto him because he's scared of dying alone. his way of showing affection is not the "im crying because i think you're in danger" type of way that escargoon shows a lot but it's there.

Of course i don't think they're perfect gay rep. that's literally so stupid. you think im gonna look at two dumbasses who are bitter towards one another from what, a parodic, satirical children's anime from the early 2000s, and go "hmm yes this is what every queer couple should aspire to be this is peak lgbt rep"

If we're gonna talk about them how about we talk about some issues this show has that no one ever addresses. the colorism of the uv episode that is not put into question, not even by tiff, the moral compass. the rising sun imagery that is very much intentional as dedede is a caricature. the fatphobia? the fact kirby calls kawasaki and nagoya homos??? straight up???

people often blame episode 88, and yeah, it's not my favorite episode either. everyone's weird in that episode, not just dedede! yabui is far from empathetic, even the ebrums are disrespectful, and escargoon taunts dedede into chasing him for laughs and teases him about his old age. even at the end he teases him. i think it's one of those episodes that you just have to blame on the writers kinda like 89 (for example this one has got the right message but the execution is painful to watch. poor tiff.)

now, if 88 had changed their relationship it'd be a different matter. there are some sweet moments they share outside of their general "partners in crime" dynamic past episode 88 in my post actually! my favorite is the one where dedede has his arm around escargoon who's curled up like a cat while they're sleeping and the waddle dees are tucking them in from episode 91. it makes me so happy.

i could probably talk so, so much more about them. they're a huge comfort to me. however i don't trust just anyone with them. i am very much aware some people like them for the wrong reasons. but if you have a brain you can see where i'm coming from.

the show makes fun of them because they're evil, self-centered cowards. not because they're "gay" or anything like that. i saw someone call them queerbait one time and i had to log off for a minute.

anyway, to answer your question, people who do not recognize their genuine attachment to one another are bound to have a twisted view of them. i don't like dedegoon because they're "toxic" or awful to each other. but because they're each other's best friends. that's all. it's fine if you don't ship them, too. i just hope i can prove to people that they do matter to each other and that they're friends :)

[necroromantics]

🖤 — The Eclipse; TalBin

like a lover, or partner in crime. or something of mine.

AN: Its my 4yr anniversary with my absolutely wonderful girlfriend ( @clockeyedtoy ), dedicating this one to her :3 She's the most beautiful, smart, and talented girl I have ever met and she's such a genuine loving soul I'm forever lucky to have her in my life. My best friend 4eva and my partner in crime (and errands) I love you to the moon and back my timebomb

- tobin first met tali junior year of high school. he was in the office for talking back to a teacher when she stormed in and sat angrily in the chair beside him.

- he noticed the way she eyed the clock, as if time was against her. and how she laid back as if she didn't care.

- when she caught him staring, she furrowed her brow at him and stared back. the two were both stubborn to a fault, neither of them looked away.

- to both of their dismay, that year they discovered they shared an english class. last period, seated next to each other. when tobin sat down in his chair, he noticed the girl staring daggers into him.

- she rested her chin in the palm of her hand, and gave him a terrible fake smile, the type she’d put on during picture day. it looked almost scary, like something you’d see before she cracked open your rib cage and devoured your beating, bloody heart. fangless, but she looked like she should’ve had fangs. it would’ve completed her dead girl look, he thought.

- "do you got a staring problem?"

- "you look like a dead dog id find on the side of the road."

- they got along like politicians. it had gotten especially worse when tobin had bugged tali enough to make her agree to tutor him in english for free cigarettes and joints.

- she knew he was stupid, dumber than a dog, but when he came over for their first session, sitting at her dinner table in her tiny mobile home, she was almost surprised at how the boy could barely read grade level literature.

- but tobin stayed true to his word, and he paid his half in full. they'd sit out on her front porch step late at night after arguing over tali's hostile teaching methods, and tobins inability to read the word "eradication", and share a cigarette together.

- the two insisted they hated each other. they couldn't stand each other's stubbornness and arrogance. but tobin would approach tali in the hallways before class, and crack a bad joke, and she'd laugh and roll her eyes.

- and tali wouldnt listen to all the things people said about that boy. to her luck, he didnt listen to anything they said about her either.

- tobin was always warm, the girl thought that he closely resembled the sun. she hated it. tali found sunny days annoying. too hot, humid, made it hard to breathe when the sun was out. it hurt to look up at the sky, and it hurt her skin when the light touched her.

- tali, on the otherhand, was always cold. tobin thought that she closely resembled the moon. he always thought it was just some floating rock in the sky, nothing special, or worth consideration. but some nights when he's out for a cigarette alone, he pulls a second one out of his pack by habit, ready to hand it to the girl, only to realize he's left with nothing but the moon shining down on him.

- when they started holding each others hands, they found ways to balance their temperatures. tali would cool tobin down, and tobin would warm tali up. she would calm his energy, he would get her out of her shell.

- he followed that girl around like a stray dog. he annoyed the hell out of her, she hated him, she insisted she hated him. she loved him more than anything. it was them against the world.

- it wasn't any surprise that tobin was the first person tali marks called when she accidentally killed her own brother one drunken night, after another physical altercation with him.

- and it wasn't any surprise that tobin followed suit and blew his fathers brains out with a shotgun, because he had gotten his ass beat earlier that day for talking back again.

- and it wasn't any surprise when tali stole her fathers busted up red pickup truck and the two ran down south to alabama to escape what they had done. they did it together, and they held each others hands the entire way down.

- like lovers, and partners in crime.