#//it may seem like ur safe from me but thats just cause i dont wanna overwhelm u

[outofthiisworld]

// I, too, am rapidly losing braincells to the siren song of sleep, but just know that I love Ophelia and Doc a lot ( along with the rest of 'em, of course ) and I'm always excited to see Boo Commentary and insights. Your writing is a delight to read ( I love the asides, the imagery, the overall vibe; its very lively ) and I think ur cool as heck.

When I see your URL my brain releases some ✨s and I snap out of scrolling mode to catch up. Take little notes. Delight in your roster ( and you, as well ). Find myself far too easily imagining an animated show starring them and wishing I could watch it. You're serving some gourmet stuff and I am eyeing them all fondly. ( and maliciously. They will not escape me for long. )

What's my reputation? What do you think when you see my URL?

👽// I present my muses to you on a silver platter as tribute to a shrine carved in your name, like any mere ephemera should. Doc is trembling. Ophelia just winked at you— ophelia stop trying to flirt with Spider where is your manners??? COPYCAT NO BITING—

coughing blood. anyway. god. GOD. you bestowed upon me the highest of honors…….The™ coolest of hecks calling me the coolest of hecks. asinine truly, but i respect your opinions and thoughts immensely so i must respect this as well.

My goofs aside, I can’t begin to describe how flattered I am that you enjoy so much of my blog, thoughts, and characters :”””)

Like everyone, I have moments where I’m worried over self-inflicted small nitpicks (am i too quiet ooc, is my prose too wordy, do my characters fall under common pitfalls, am i too goofy or too serious, etc etc etc)— all things a creative has to make amends with themselves of course (we truly are our worst critics)

So to have someone like you whose writing I admire beyond belief with such immense, breathtaking lore under their belt— say high praises to me? I gotta be doing something right.

All your projects you work on from your art, your writing, your worldbuilding, and your modding are all truly awe-inspiring. So jokes on YOU cause whenever you pop up on my dash, i make SURE to catch up and indulge!!!

👑HERE— YOU DROPPED THIS, KING.

[osdd-1bitch]

// partly a vent? but also if you have any type of advice as to what i can do pls say,, gotta be honest im still INSANELY fucked on if im a system or not :( for a while i was dead set on it but i ended up just not saying anything to my therapist and fell back into that "ok no thats not me, im just a really vivid daydreamer" mindset.

then your blog auto-popped up as i was typing and i clicked it and im back to that "maybe" thing. im just so conflicted rn ughhh goddamnit :( ive been having an extremely stressful past few weeks (no specifics but alot of my trauma resurfaced, alot of shit triggered me, similar traumatic situations etc) and i missed both of my therapy sessions the past 2 weeks, so ive kinda reverted back to being dependant on alters who im not even sure are alters or not. and even THEN im not sure how to bring up to my therapist that i think i may have OSDD or DID?? like idk how im gonna come back after 2 weeks and say "hey btw all this traumatic shit came back up and i think i might be a system bc i talk to people in my head who arent me lol but anyways can i use ur fidget cube?" ??? SO much has happened and im really debating on just pushing down that it might be osdd/did and pretending nothing is wrong for the sake of keeping myself mentally stable yk ?? gotta say i just dont know what to do at all. lets also not forget im 13 and shouldnt even have to deal w this much stress EVER but dfghgtf. im just really struggling to tell if this is my maladaptive daydreaming or DID man :(

MaDD and plurality are weird to work w, especially since MaDD can and often is be caused by trauma and there are some expressions of MaDD that one could put on the plural spectrum. Its mucky either way and can suck to deal with

before i continue, id like to say our experience on therapy has...not been great so ill refrain from giving therapy specific advice for fear of our past experiences clouding our judgement, but you can share the trauma bits and get some help without talking about plurality. the rings system did some videos that might help about talking to a therapist,red flags ect, lovely folks, you should give em a watch if you havent. either way id say you prolly shouldnt bring this up yet, but info is also good in general

and also, some personal advice, be very very careful on the internet, especially social medias at your age. we were in your shoes once and it did fck us up quite a bit

either way, i seriously doubt youll be taken seriously, not in a bad way, full grown adults struggle to get help. and stressing about specifics can just lead to, you guessed it! more stress. its totally fine to drop all lables and just exist for a while and try and do whatever, talking w sysmates or daydreaming whatever, you dont have to name these experiences for now, just live them. doubt is weird, and youll almost def be wout dxing for a few years either way.

just live your life, try not to bring up trauma wout professionals, and be very safe on the internet, and preferably get off tumblr and move somewhere safer, its really not a place for people your age. i know you probably wont listen to that bit much, but at least be extra super safe.

self dxing can take years btw. its not really a matter of weeks, lived experience and analyzing yourself and just questioning takes a lot of time. take it slow

and its totally fine if its not did. or madd. or either. dont stress, dont try and conform yourself to dxes and stuff rn, especially since you are both v young and just started questioning. im not saying your age means you shouldnt, if you have did you have it rn, but things can take time to come to light. just b honest w yourself and open to the options, mkay? self dxing is a lot of research on top of the work. if you started questiong round now tbh many systems if they questions at your age would get a dx or self dx at like 15,16,17 ect ect, and thats if they question. do what helps you and talk to your therapist, you dont have to mention did but talk about questioning disorders and junk.

this sorta age is when figuring yourself out rlly starts to happen yknow? that doesnt mean you should be cornered off n stuff, n kept away from dxes, but it also means you should be very careful n research a ton. if you find smth you resonate w it, keeping it in the maybe pile for a year or two can seem like its a long time, but will help a ton in the end, if its true or not. if its stressing you out a ton, its okay to not think about it for a bit, you have time.

and again, please please please try and get off social medias they can mess w your head a lot, and try not to share your age online again. im torn abt publishing this n may delete this ask n repost the response, but im not sure

tldr:

i dont wanna tell you to not question or identify symptoms, but things change a lot n you are just dipping your toes into life. take things slow and sit on them, thats the best advice given to us at your age. you could be absolutely right, you could be confused, you could be dead wrong, and all of these are okay. just keep yourself open, research and rlly think abt it (like months of thinking abt it) before it can age properly in the maybe bin. and also be safe online, dont share your age and stuff n keep off toxic n inapropriate sites like this best you can. options are open and symptoms can change over time. just exist and take note of things. dont stress over lables, n self dx should stay in the possibly-maybe bin for now, itll be worth the wait

[chikkou]

It always confused me why Buzzo said Lisa would love Olathe because like..... a bunch of murderous men running around trying to rape any girl they can get their hands on doesn’t rlly seem up her alley, but I was thinking abt ur response to why Lisa is the so called “worst” person and honestly like. Yeah. If she could like look down and see a world where all the women had died semi-peacefully (especially considering she opted to take her own life to escape abuse and considered death to be the better option) and men (especially the men who had “failed” her) were in a nasty hellscape murdering each other and tormenting each other and ODing and transforming into the literal monsters she saw Marty as- I feel like she would be pretty cool with it. Like I imagine she’d feel for Buddy but part of it seems like “oh men wanna act like a bunch of monsters? BET” like of the 3 men in Lisa’s life, Marty was obviously evil, brad clearly let her down in some significant way in the father epilogue, and bernard i dont think made a huge moral failing but he didn’t succeed in saving her from Marty, and I think she wouldn’t be mad that they’re all tormenting each other for her.

im honestly in complete agreement, and id actually take it further and say that lisa was so neglected by everyone in her life (again, except buzzo) that i think she would be over the moon knowing that her death directly led to the creation of what is essentially hell on earth, but only for the awful men that would victimize and harm women (hell, even the relatively harmless character nern spends his entire intro shit talking his fucking dead wife), and that to this day they still fight over her and blame themselves for what happened to her, because especially in brad and martys case, it really IS their fault (though obviously way more marty than brad)

and i definitely find it noteworthy that resort island (which i know is a kickstarter side area, but still) is pretty much identical to the bile-filled area in lisa the first, and even includes a bunch of the marty mutants from that game worshipping a golden idol (though in this case its a fucked up version of yados trumpet instead of a cross) and the tv marty as well. ive heard theories that perhaps lisa was somehow involved in the making of olathe and/or saw some of the proto-mutants before she died, thus how they made it into her dreamscape, but personally i think of it as the opposite, that maybe she told buzzo about those thoughts/dreams and he got yado to incorporate it into an area to sort of memorialize her. just a thought!

and as for the father epilogue, yeah i definitely agree about your interpretation of it. its hard for me to completely blame brad since he was a kid for most of the abuse (and definitely was underage during the father epilogue), but there was clearly a significant age gap between him and lisa that i guesstimate to be around 7-10 years of difference, meaning he could have absolutely fought to take lisa with him when he left and didnt. the fact that he chose to leave her with marty may be one of the things he is most regretful about and one of the things lisa resented him the most for, and it explains why buzzo was so quiet in his karate class. i dont think brad even knew that he and lisa were friends, given that he asks buzzo if everything is alright at home and doesnt seem to realize that buzzo is upset about whats going on with lisa

ok one last thing thats slightly related, but i really do enjoy that the painful made it a point to have some tranquil areas to show that humanity didnt completely go off its rocker. the beehive is my favorite example of this, and not just because it has queen roger (who is a surprisingly good depiction of a drag queen that doesnt feel transmisogynist) - the lgbt community, or what was left of it, found a place to be safe and be themselves, and no one bothers them. if someone tries to start shit, they are swiftly dealt with, but its a pure case of “dont start none, wont be none” - brad doesnt cause any problems with them, so they are completely harmless, and everyone benefits. the beehive really sends the message that people who do wrong in olathe get punished pretty quickly, but the people who truly just want to live their lives and not hurt anyone else can live in relative safety. its actually kind of a sweet message dshkfds

[crepuscollo]

you know what i think the problem is? i continuously let people who don’t meet my mandatory needs into my life. thats why i end up hurt. i never told them what i need and half the time idk what i need anyway. i just let things go for everyone. i dont speak up. i usually dont even know it bothered me till later. and sometimes i think thats j how things are and i cant fix them theres nthn this person can do; blame everything on myself. from here on out, i wanna rlly make sure that i communicate my feelings. im so fucking tired of my emotional needs not being met and walking over myself and just keeping the peace. well, im not at peace.

god. i always let them. im “unproblematic” “low maintenance” “carefree” “everything is simple and nothing is a big deal”. right? cause thats how i gotta be. or else everything would go up in flames. this is how i was fucking raised alright?

my mum makes everything a problem w ruins everything for everyone. so im never gonna be like my mum; always sharing her opinion and expressing herself and saying things and shit. even if all of it is stress, its easier to not show it, it’s easier fof everyone around u. and its not like its unhealthy, right? no bad side effects. and its not like thsres room for 2 stressed and overwhelmed indiciduals right? there cant be. i havs to stay sane. cause she has to act insane.

my dad on the other hand? dont care. carefree. life is simple. life is too short to worry and stress and react and feel. unbothered, unprovoked, uninterested. he seems happy he seems okay. and my mum doesnt.

so how the fuck do u think i turned out? my dad telling me the way to live ur life is to not care and not cause problems and j give ppl simple solutions to their problems. just salek. and no one and no thing can be a problem big enough to make u give a reaction or stress or falter. keep the peace, yeah? all this while my mums anxiety eats away at her. constantly worrying ab this and that and overwhelmed and overstimulated and her minds in bits and pieces and here and there and not sleeping and not focusing not asking no more fucks to give no more space to care about her daughter and fuck, no one gives a shit. LIFE IS EASY ITS SIMPLE JUST DONT WORRY ABOUT NOTHING.

so, how. the fuck. do you think i turned out?

i bottled up my emotions so much to the point where im so overwhelmed but i cant even pinpoint a single feeling. its just all there, overflowing, but i cant see it. i cant feel it. i dont know how. and im afraid that if i start i wont be able to stop.

fun fact: when im crying i dont like being held. i want space. i need reassurance and being told im normal im okay ill be fine cuz it may seem pointless but i need to hear it “youre okay. its okay. youre okay. everything will work out. ill be there. together well make everything right again. dont worry, okay? we got this. you and me? we got this. there’s nothing we cant handle. nothing. is everything is in our hands and is handled and is fine. dont worry. please dont worry. we got this.” and god, i need my tears to be wiped away by some loving hands.

dont talk. just listen to me. tell me that if i share it, and say it, and let you in, well be in it together, and youll help me, and hear me out, and share and unbiased outside perspective. tell me you care so much you just want to take my pain away. you want to hear it. all my thoughts that are eating away at me, if i let them out they lose their power. tell me why you wanna know and dont tell me u wanna know bec u wanna help tell me u wanna know bec u wanna keep me safe and u care and u dojt think i should be alone in my mind. then stop talking. dont over do it. dont be desperate. i need to know its okay if i dont talk. once u tell me ur here with me and i have space to say everything out loud, then create that space with your silence. give me a moment. i need a moment to say it. dont interrupt me. dont give ur opinion. dont try to guess what i want. just dont try. tell me to tell u exactly what it is that i need. let me tell u the story and everything and then ill tell u oh this situation is making me sad or making me regretful so that means i need comforting or ill tell u idk what to do or im confused or idk how i feel then i need advice or if im j overwhelmed and stressed and needed to talk then i need a distraction. let me tell u what i want because if u interrupt or guess or give the wrong expression at the wrong moment itll make me feel misunderstood and unable to communicate how i feel and ill stop trying to talk. i need u to wipe away my tears and give me kisses. not hugs. kisses. let me initiate the hugs.

[curly-q-reviews]

FLIX FROM THE NET

Bird Box, 2018 (dir. Susanne Bier)

SPOILER WARNING THERE WILL BE SPOILERS DONT READ IF U HAVENT SEEN IT YET AND WANT TO

[TW: SUICIDE, MURDER, VIOLENCE, BLOOD, GORE]

well fuck its been a while!!  happy new year y’all hope u had a Fun and Safe time!!!  i for one was at a party where we started playing Shrek at exactly 10:39 PM to see if Smash Mouth’s hit song I’m a Believer started playing right at midnight and to my utter disbelief and elation it did!!!  move over times square ball drop a new arbitrary way of celebrating the start of a new calendar year is here and it involves a large green monster with a scottish accent who really loves his onions (#me am i right ladies)

WELL ANYWAY heres a fun new series ive been thinking of starting cause ya girl watches a lot of netflix movies and has many opinions about them.  i think i’ll do a separate post about the whole Netflix Original Film trend in general and how its changed the film industry at a later date but since i just watched the above movie not too long ago i wanted to get all my thoughts out there right fuckin now!!

netflix is without a doubt the OG king of streaming services, they were really the first to get the ball rolling and then dozens of other companies scrambled to latch onto this money train while it was rolling on the tracks full steam (or should i say.... stream EL;KGHS;EKFSH; please end me) ahead.  it started out as a rental subscription service where u could pick out three movies at a time to rent and then they were sent to u in the mail (like blockbuster but now you never have to leave your house ever again to get that sweet sweet rental content).  and then the decision was made to actually start online streaming, no physical DVD’s required!  ISNT TECHNOLOGY GREAT

well whoooo boy this shit swept the nation, people couldnt get enough of such a convenient and relatively affordable service and netflix started really raking in the dough.  and at some point they got rich enough to say “hey fuck it!!!  lets make our own movies baby!!!!”  and here we are now with Netflix Original Movies and TV Shows, which means a new player has entered the movie game in a very novel and innovative way.  why pay money for a movie ticket and leave your house to go to a theater when cool new movies are being released on a subscription service u already own to watch movies you already know and enjoy?  and then u can sit butt-ass naked in ur bedroom alone stuffing ur face with cheese puffs like an insatiable cheddar beast and see something new and fun and interesting

ok so.  Bird Box.  here we have a movie based off of a book (so i guess this also counts as a Book Movies review but I DIGRESS) starring hollywood powerhouse sandra bullock, featuring Supreme Lesbian Overlord Sarah Paulson and Resident Crazy Old Man John Malkovich, directed by a relatively unknown but competent female filmmaker Susanne Bier (who also directed Things We Lost in the Fire in 2007, a moving drama starring Halle Berry).  this one definitely has a lot of proimse compared to what netflix has offered so far in terms of their original movies (im gonna get into Dumplin’ at a later date cause jesus christ what a mess) and i went in with pretty high expectations

did it deliver???  well uuhhhh yeah sort of i guess!!  we got some pretty strong performances from our leading lady bullock who really does deliver it every time, a few strong supporting roles like newcomer Trevante Rhodes of Moonlight fame (his energy on screen is just so compelling and soothing), not overly obnoxious child actors which is really all u can ask for, and overall a solid story. 

now heres where i gotta say that i couldnt help comparing this film to another movie of its kind, directed by the notorious M. Night Shyamalan.  y’all remember The Happening?  cause i remember The Happening.  i remember that it was total shit and that the twist was that it was the fucking plants making everyone kill themselves.  the PLANTS.  and i also remember mark wahlbergs dumb-ass confused face that he used in every single shot no matter the context, im AMAZED i remember zoe deschanel in this movie cause she may as well have been one of the killer plants with how little she emoted, and i remember mark wahlberg yelling at a fake office ficus and apparently i was supposed to be scared while watching this clusterfuck. 

the way that this movie was described to me by friends who had seen it before me was basically that Bird Box is a slightly better The Happening, and no truer words have ever been spoken.  we basically have the same premise going on here:  unknown force is causing people to off themselves, our lead(s) have to try and find a way to escape this unknown force without even knowing what it really is, and theres some sort of “sanctuary” they gotta try and get to (which is a common plot point in really all apocalyptic and post-apocalyptic films).  now whereas The Happening’s rules for this scenario make entirely no fucking sense (how in the fuck are u supposed to be able to out-run WIND???), Bird Box has some rules for dealing with this Unknown Thing that make slightly more sense.  when u open ur eyes while outside, the chance of the Thing making u kill urself in some horrific way is extremely high, so wear a blindfold when ur outside and keep all windows covered when ur inside.  makes sense!  thats something i can believe and get behind which makes me more immersed in the story!

unfortunately like The Happening there are still some little things that kinda dont make much sense and take u out of it.  apparently some people when they see this unknown entity dont wanna die, but instead find it absolutely beautiful, which makes them want to make everyone else look at it to see how beautiful it is.  and its insinuated that these people are mentally ill or have some sort of psychiatric issue.  i get that this adds more stakes to the situation and ups the ante, but it doesnt really sit well with me that once again, mentally ill people are the villains in a horror-type story.  and i also dont really understand why theyd then wanna go around and make other people see the thing??  unless the thing has them in a mind-control state or something and is making them do its bidding but that seems kind of a weird thing for an all-powerful evil formless entity to do. 

and that leads me to the next issue i have with Bird Box.  if ur gonna have an apocalyptic scenario where people do something as serious as kill themselves due to an unknown cause, it almost seems a little cliche and cheesy to have it be some sort of mythical celestial god-like or demon-like entity thats doing the damage.  i actually really liked where The Happening was going with its source of all the chaos being something naturally made, like the Earth deploying some sort of self-preservation mechanism or something.  the idea of that to me is actually loads more frightening than some invisible boogeyman that u cant look at.  and then Shamalamadingdong had to go and make it stupid by saying that it was fucking plants trying to kill people by releasing pheromones or some shit.  like why cant we have the best of both of these??  something naturally-occuring that maybe has even happened before in the planets history (maybe it wasnt a meteor that killed off the dinosaurs after all??), that isnt FUCKING PLANTS, and that doesnt do cheesy shit like make ur eyes turn grey and bloodshot and like whisper to u telling u to take ur blindfold off (i swear that happens multiple times it was pretty silly)

thats another thing, this movie’s tone is all over the place.  there are some moments where a more light-hearted tone is needed to break up the tension, for sure, but it almost as if the writing and dialogue werent really taking this serious of a story as seriously as they should have.  weirdly placed jokes are all over the place, there were some moments where the dialogue made me cringe cause it was so awkward.  bullock’s character gets to have some good breakdown moments which help bring the tone to the level of somberness and despair it should be at, but all the other supporting characters dont really get the same space to process whats happening to them, so it kinda comes off like they arent really affected by, say, their wife throwing herself into a burning car right in front of their very eyes. 

overall i’d still say this is a worthwhile watch, especially considering its a netflix movie.  if you’ve ever wanted to see a not-as-horrible version of The Happening that has some deeper metaphorical stuff going on about motherhood and family and shit than this is for you.  the production value is overall pretty solid (though when it comes to cinematography i actually prefer The Happening from an artistic standpoint) and sandra bullock knocks it out of the park.  go check it out if this seems like something thats up ur alley!!

ok bye for now hopefully it doesnt take me six months to write another review but we’ll see!!  my brain is a mystery and time is an illusion HAPPY 20-BI-TEEN Y’ALL

[pokefanbri]

Covid has us all in a craze & worried for our future. But let me enlighten & ease some minds to whoever needs it or have lost their will or way. I speak better through writing & sometimes I need to read my own stuff to remind myself too 😅 And its how I express myself.

Firstly, To all the seniors out there, or just older than me in general & have been through alot already. I appreciate you for going through everything u have on this earth. Your experiences,knowledge, & strength etc, you're truly an inspiration. U are at greater risk with covid symptoms cause granted the systems tolerance isn't what it used to be, please be safe. But God will protect us regardless of any outcome.

✌Speaking to my gen..Life is too short, we take the time we have on this earth for granted, time is precious. Experience it to the fullest & don't lose sight of its importance. Find something that gives you purpose.

For me it would be my friends & family that have stuck by my side, pets that I don't wanna let down & I'm strong for them, my strength comes from God & the people in my life. As long as I know yall care about me, thats all I need for the push to keep going lol.

1 day i hope to have my own children & with an understanding partner who loves all of me & vise versa, that alone would give me the perfect purpose to do right by them & strive for even more.

After a while things from the past may seem silly or dumb but everything u go through & the people you've met, it all has a reason & it makes u learn & grow to who u are today.

Every1 is fighting a battle u know nothing about, so give the benefit of the doubt. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help either if u really need it.

God guides u to places u never thought of going or brings people together from opposite sides of the world, even with free will in play, he did so cuz he knew u could handle it & wants u to learn for the sake of your own growth. I was taught that he doesn't give u more than u can't handle.

The thought of me having grey hair, possibly alone without a family of my own in the decades to come, possibly even passing at a young age whether due to covid or other unforseen circumstances ugh...chills me to my very core.

But these trying times we need to wear a mask etc to protect yourselves & others & we can hopefully get through this.

If possible live every day as if its your last & always tell ur friends & family u care about, that u love them cause 1 day u may not get that chance.

Those negative thoughts I mentioned, I shouldn't think like that. Self doubt, fear, worry got me into alot of messes 😅 probably why I hate being alone..in the back of my mind I'm still the scared neglected little girl that just wants to be loved.

But I'm still stronger for those experiences & I wouldn't be who I am today if none of it happened.

Nobody's perfect, we all have our shortcomings & we're only human, God made us this way.

If you're not a person of some kind of faith i respect u too, im not one to push religion onto others & view all people as equals. u may not know where ull end up but it dont hurt to be good the best of ur ability lol, the things im saying in this post applies to everyone it reaches regardless what anyone's belief system is, being a great person to yourself & others is common sense really & what we should be doing rather than spread hate, its not worth it...humans are survivors thats what we're known for & we should be working together.

If you're a person of my same faith or any branch of Christianity, then you'd know that we were taught to learn to be perfect like Jesus. By that I mean do unto others as you'd do unto yourself, love thy neighbor as thy self. Be humble, Just live the best u can up til ur last breath. It'll all reflect on what kind of person u were using the love for him & the love he has for u..the day u meet him, so be good to your fellow man/woman. Because kindness, understanding, generosity, love, respect, are some of the best gifts & qualities he gave us, use it well ❤