#//i'm also sorry for for drunk mary

[m-macdonaldx]

where: daisy & tilden's house party who: @mckns

"MARS BAR" The brunette squeals, racing up to the third to her pie, she would have been lost without the other, and Sirius. They were her rock. Again, life saver, who let her rummage through their closet to find the outfit she was currently wearing, too drunk to care how revealing it was. Mary was certain she may have flashed her ass since the fabric kept riding up.

It was natural for her eyes to drift to the words written on her friends chest, squinting her eyes to focus better. "Touch. Boobs." There were more words, but those two stood out and without hesitation, her hands reach forward, and not merely touch, but fondle Marlene's boobs. "WAIT...." She gives a little squeeze. "They are so....firm but plush, like I could keep doing this all night." Clearly drunk Mary's common sense was thrown to the wind.

"Touch mine." It seemed fair, reaching for Marlene's hands to place over top of hers. "Do they feel like yours?" Her words serious, a pout on her face with almost sad puppy eyes. She wanted them to feel like theirs. They felt great. Then out of the blue. "I'm going to kiss Sirius tonight."

[lovetaroandtaemin]

Kinktober 2024

Day 26: Corruption

Mark Lee x Reader Word Count: 2,905 THIS FIC IS NSFW, MINORS DNI!!! Warnings: Religious themes, church boy!Mark x pastor's daughter!reader, kind of soft dom!reader, mentions of masturbation, loss of virginity, mentions of alcohol (reader and Mark are SOBER when they have sex!), semi-public sex (they're technically in public but no one is around to see), sex in the bed of a pickup truck. If you think I missed a warning, let me know! A/N: If you want to be tagged for the last few Kinktober fics, feel free to send an ask, send a dm, or leave a comment! I'm honestly starting to get a little bit bummed that Kinktober is almost over. This has been such a fun ride, and it always makes me so happy to see y'all interact with my stories. I also wanted to say that certain plot elements as well as Reader's personality/family life are heavily inspired by the song "Baptist Parking Lot" by Mary Heather Hickman. If you're a country music fan, I highly recommend checking it out!

Taglist: @unlikelysublimekryptonite

Fic is under the cut.

When Mark Lee approached you and asked you if you wanted to go on a date with him, you knew that your parents were behind it. They had been a lot pushier than usual when it came to your relationships lately, considering you were in your mid-twenties and not even dating. Plus, your mother and father were good friends with Mr. and Mrs. Lee, and had been since you were a kid, so in their mind Mark was the best possible choice when it came to men that they could set you up with.

You had never been close with Mark, but your parents and his were determined to change that. Mark was the kind of good Christian man that they felt was perfect for the daughter of a minister. He was kind, he was intelligent, and he loved God. Any time the church held an event he was one of the first to volunteer to help. He knew the Bible better than anyone you knew with the exception of your father. He was also an assistant youth pastor that was passionate about teaching people about the love of God. He even volunteered at an animal shelter, for fuck’s sake.

You, on the other hand, were far less innocent than you let your parents believe. You drank, smoked, went to the club, and hooked up with people you barely knew. Your behavior was far from what was expected of you, but that was probably why you acted the way you did. Growing up as sheltered as you did was suffocating, and now that you were an adult you wanted to do everything that your parents would have killed you for when you were younger. That didn’t mean they had to know, though. What would the congregation say if they knew the pastor’s own daughter acted like the exact opposite of what God expected from women?

You were snapped out of your thoughts by Mark’s voice saying, “Hello? Earth to (Y/N)?”

“Sorry, what was that?”

“Do you want to go get dinner with me this Saturday after I get done at the shelter?”

“That sounds great, Mark. What time do you get done?”

“I get done around 5, and I’ll need time to get ready. How does 6:15 sound?”

“Perfect. I’ll see you then.”

“See you then, (Y/N).”

When you said yes to a date, Mark was ecstatic. Sure, he had been encouraged to ask you out by your parents, but he had liked you for a long time. You were intelligent, you were funny, and you always spoke your mind. It was sinful, and he knew it, but he honestly thought that you were sexy too. The thoughts never lingered, more passing interest when you wore clothes that showed off your body, but they were there, nonetheless.

Saturday came, and you almost backed out of your date with Mark. The main reason you didn’t was the fact that you knew you’d never hear the end of it if you did. Truthfully, though, you would have preferred going to the club with your friends or getting drunk in the back of your current hookup’s truck. You had an image to maintain, however, so you went.

Contrary to what you were expecting, you had a lot of fun with Mark. He took you to a sort-of fancy restaurant out of town, and you talked about your lives and interests while you ate. You found that the two of you had more in common than you initially thought, like a love for older music and weird movies that no one else has ever heard of. He even made you swear not to tell anyone that he wanted to try going out to a club. In a lapse of judgement, you said, “I could take you out to my favorite one, if you want.”

The moment the words left your mouth, you regretted them. The regret turned to excitement, however, when Mark said “Ok. Do you wanna do that after we’re done here?”

“Are you sure? I mean, I wouldn’t want to keep you.”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I think it’d be fun to try something new.”

His innocent excitement killed you. When he asked you if you thought that they would have Coca-Cola at the bar, you wondered if he could get any cuter. As the two of you finished your meal, you asked again if he was sure about going to the club. He said yes, and you told him you would give him directions when you got in the car.

When Mark walked you to his car, he held your hand. It was a small gesture, but you found yourself getting flustered. He opened the car door for you, and your heart did a somersault. It almost made you wonder why you bothered with hooking up with random guys when somebody that you knew could be good to you was there the entire time.

The drive to the club was silent with the exception of you giving Mark directions. You both wanted to start a conversation, but for some reason you couldn’t find where you wanted to start. It was frustrating to be at a loss for words, but you couldn’t complain. Especially when Mark looked as good as he did in the driver’s seat. You almost felt wrong saying it about someone so sweet, but he looked hot when he focused on driving. As you pulled up to the club, you wondered if you would ever get a chance to show him how sexy you were starting to think he was. You knew that he was a good Christian, so you probably wouldn’t get a chance any time soon, but you wondered if you could move that timeline up a bit.

Your time at the club was uneventful. Mark refused to drink alcohol, was shy about dancing with you, and cast judgmental looks at everyone that left with a different person than they’d arrived with. You tried to gently encourage him to lighten up and let loose a little bit, but in the end he just asked to go back home.

He drove you back to your apartment, and you thanked him for the date. He insisted on walking you to your door, but you wouldn’t have turned him down anyway. When the two of you got to your door, he shyly asked if he could kiss you. You agreed, and he hesitantly brought his lips to yours. You wrapped your arms around his neck and gently tangled your hands in his hair, and he loosened up ever so slightly. At least, it seemed like he did from the small moan that left his mouth.

He abruptly pulled away and apologized, and you gave him a reassuring smile and told him that it was ok. He left quickly and hoped that you didn’t notice the grin on his face or the boner beginning to form in his pants. Of course, you did, and you wondered if your goal of getting Mark to loosen up was closer than you thought.

The next day, your parents asked you how the date with Mark went. You told them that it went well, and to your surprise, you weren’t lying. You had fun with Mark, and you wanted to see him again. Sure, part of the reason you wanted to see him again was to see if you could teach him how to actually have fun, but your parents didn’t need to know that. They were thrilled that you seemed interested in who they believed was the right kind of man for you.

Over the next few weeks, you went out for dinner with Mark every weekend. Not much changed, but you did flirt with him much more openly than you initially wanted to as you started to develop genuine feelings for him. He became a blushy mess every time you told him how pretty his eyes were, or how well the clothes he was wearing fit him.

Mark refused to admit it, but he was finding it increasingly difficult to keep a level head when you flirted with him or kissed him. He didn’t want to sin, but he did occasionally find himself wanting to do more than kiss you or compliment the dresses you wore for your dates that drove him insane. You were usually dressed a very specific way when he saw you at church, but the way you dressed when you were out of your parents’ view was decidedly different. Not that he was complaining, of course. He thought that you looked sexy. Little did he know, that was exactly what you were going for.

The first time your attempt to get Mark to let loose was successful was after a few months of dating. The two of you were at his apartment after an afternoon spent volunteering, and he kissed you. You were determined to not push him today, and you kept to that. Mark, however, had other plans. The way he kissed you felt different than usual. Typically, his kisses were soft, almost like he was afraid of going too far. This time, those concerns seemed to go out the window as he held you close.

To say that you were desperate was an understatement. You hadn’t had sex with anyone else since you started dating Mark, and you were starting to get frustrated. You had tried getting off by yourself, but it just wasn’t the same as fucking another person. It was getting more and more difficult to not think about Mark on top of you as you kissed him.

Mark was just as desperate as you were, if not more. He had never had sex before. Partially because of the stupid purity promise he made in church as a teenager, and partially because he had never met anyone that he was comfortable being so intimate with. That was, until you came along. It felt like you were ruining him, in a way. Before you started dating, he would have never considered having someone sit on his lap while making out. Now, that was exactly what the two of you were doing.

Time passed, and you had to leave. It was important for you to get enough sleep in order to not look like a complete wreck at church on Sunday. As you left, though, Mark asked you if you would be willing to try something new next time. You asked him what it was, and he said, “I want you to take my virginity.” You were shocked, but you agreed. The two of you decided to discuss exactly when at a later date, and you went back to your apartment.

Church went by the next morning without any major news or events, except for one thing. Mark was uncharacteristically awkward and shy around you. Since you had started dating, he had made a point to sit next to you, sometimes holding your hand during your father’s sermons. Today, however, he sat on the opposite side of the sanctuary from you, not even looking you in the eye when you greeted him upon arriving. You decided to ask him about his behavior after service.

When you finally found Mark, you asked him if he wanted to come back to your apartment. He reluctantly agreed, and you left. He followed in his truck, and when he entered your apartment, you asked him why he was so distant at church.

He sighed before answering, “I’m sorry about what I asked of you last night. It was too far, and I understand if you want to break things off or slow things down.”

“Baby, it’s ok. Any reaction that you saw last night was surprise. As long as it’s something you really want, I don’t mind at all. As long as you don’t mind the fact that I’m not a virgin.”

“I don’t mind at all. I love you. Thank you for being so patient with me.”

“I love you, too.”

The two of you spent the afternoon discussing when you would take Mark’s virginity. Your previous sexual encounters had never been planned in advance, but you wanted Mark to feel more at ease about his first time. In the end, the two of you decided to drive to an abandoned parking lot a few towns over, so no one would know what the two of you were skipping Bible study on Wednesday to do. You even came up with a lie about being invited by a friend to visit another church that you could tell your parents to explain your absence.

The idea of skipping church to lose his virginity should have disgusted Mark, but in actuality, it thrilled him. Maybe you had been a worse influence than he thought. He didn’t really care about that, though. All he knew was that he loved and trusted you, and he wanted to show you just how much he loved and trusted you.

When the day finally came, the two of you were filled with excitement. You went about most of your day as usual, but after you got done work, you drove to the abandoned parking lot that you’d told Mark about. He did the same, and the two of you settled into the bed of his truck. Bless him, he’d even covered it with blankets and pillows to make you more comfortable.

When Mark kissed you, you couldn’t help but tangle your hands in his hair. He groaned at the sensation, and it made you want him. To be fair, you always wanted him, but in the moment, he was all you could think about. If the way he kissed you was any indication, he needed you just as badly.

After a few minutes, you pulled away and started kissing Mark’s neck. He moaned again, and you only got more desperate for him. It wasn’t long before you couldn’t take it anymore, so you lifted your head and asked Mark if he still wanted to go further. He seemed nervous, but his excitement as he said yes made you feel better about the situation. He shyly explained that he didn’t really know what he was doing, and you promised to help him the entire time.

You started by unbuttoning his jeans and pulling his boxers down. Then you lifted your dress and removed your own underwear. After that, you settled into a comfortable position and instructed him to climb on top of you. He did exactly as he was told, and you helped him guide his cock into your pussy for the first time.

The moan that fell from Mark’s lips as he felt you for the first time was heavenly. You desperately wanted to hear more, but you still told him to wait before he moved so both of you could adjust. Again, he did exactly as you asked. It was honestly kind of adorable how eager he was to please you.

Once you were ready, you gently instructed Mark to move. He started to slowly thrust in and out trying to avoid overwhelming himself right away. He loved you, and he wanted to make this last. You couldn’t help but want the same, slightly overwhelmed already by the amount of love and care he was showing you. It may have been frustrating to wait so long to have sex with Mark, but the wait was worth it. This was infinitely better than the cheap hookups you’d had before.

After a few minutes, Mark started to thrust slightly faster. When he saw the way your tits bounced, it was difficult for him to control himself. Still, he kept a steady pace as he fucked into you. Sex with you was the most pleasure that he’d ever felt. Sure, he had jerked off a handful of times, though he was embarrassed to admit to that, but his hand could never compare to you.

It didn’t take long for Mark to feel an orgasm approaching, though he tried as hard as he could to last. He slowed down slightly once he felt it, but that did the opposite of what he wanted. Rather than putting off his orgasm, it only brought him closer to the brink. He hurriedly warned you that he was close and asked you what to do now. You said, “Cum inside me, baby. It’s ok.”

As soon as the words left your mouth, Mark stilled inside you, moaning your name as he rode out his orgasm. Feeling Mark’s release triggered your own, and before you knew it you were clenching around his cock as you cried out in pleasure. He was still after you both came down from your highs, reveling in the closeness of the moment. The position had gotten uncomfortable, however, so you gently asked him to move.

Mark did as he was told, finding a sort-of clean towel in the back of his truck to wipe you and himself off with. You put your clothes back on and helped him to do the same. Then the two of you just held each other, saying nothing but knowing that this wouldn’t be the last time the two of you had sex in his truck when you were supposed to be in church. As he held you close, you couldn’t help but feel proud of the fact that you had helped Mark Lee loosen up and learn to have some fun.

Thank you for reading! If you'd like to see what else I've written so far and the rest of what's planned, you can find my Kinktober masterlist here. If you'd like to read one of my non-Kinktober works, you can find my general masterlist here. If you'd like to see what I'm going to be working on once Kinktober is over, you can find my upcoming works here. If none of that interests you, or there's something specific you'd like to see, send a request via asks or dms!

Thank you again for reading, happy spooky season!

[sophsicle]

u said once that reg and lily are intrinsically a part of the other's relationship with james like he cant really just love one or the other - do u think if lily had started dating james before the astronomy tower stuff, james still would've fallen for reg/kissed him back? would it have been like jily after reg died, or would reg's general martyr-y nature "how could he ever like me" nature change that? how do u think that dynamic would play out?

so like, if james is already dating lily when he finds reg in the astronomy tower, does he still fall in love with him?

yes, absolutely

does reg still get drunk and kiss him?

almost definitely

i think what comes after that would be interesting cause like, i don't think james would know he was falling in love with regulus until that moment and then he would feel guilty and confused and not know what to do

but also at that point regulus hasn't taken the mark and mary hasn't been attacked so if james goes to lily and is like "im so sorry, i didn't mean to, but i've fallen in love with someone else"

and she's like "are you finishing with me?"

and he's like "no, i'm in love with you too, i'm sorry, i know it's confusing idk what to do"

"so you don't want to break up?"

"no, never."

"never? really Potter?"

"don't act surprised, you know how I feel about you."

"and do you feel that way about this other person too?"

"i'm sorry, i'm so sorry."

"well, i guess i better meet them then."

and then james gets a boyfriend and a girlfriend and jily saves regulus from making horrible decisions because getting to know lily changes his world view and also she adds some reasonable thinking into the mix and WOW what a different story

[wobblesthecowgirl]

I'm No O’Driscoll!

Chapter Three: Arthur's Doubts

Tags: Arthur Morgan x Femreader, enemies to lovers, O'Driscoll reader, game plot, Arthur doesn't have tuberculosis, eventual smut, age difference, 18+, mild gore

Word Count: 975

A/N: Sorry for a short chapter! Next chapter is going to be a long one...Lenny, Arthur, and Reader get drunk in Valantine! Comment how you want that to go! I've also changed the layout to see which is preferred.

Chapter One

Chapter Four

Arthur was starting to have doubts about letting both O’Driscoll’s join the gang. On the ride back to camp, he couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility of them gunning down those there. Especially her. Where did she learn to shoot like that? She’s too quick.

Luckily, when he arrived, the place was calm and peaceful…or as peaceful as it could be. He scanned for the new members: Kieran was getting some soup from a not so happy Pearson, and then he finally saw her. It was clear the first thing she did as a free woman was have a wash and brush her hair.

Arthur couldn’t deny that she was definitely pretty, but her sour attitude, O’Driscoll past, and constant scowl made him hate her so much that he could look past how beautiful she was. However, when he watched from afar, he saw how she interacted with Mary-Beth: Her eyes were soft, her mouth curled up slightly at the corners, and she was even laughing lightly at times.

For some reason, this only annoyed him further. He strode over towards the two women who were sat on a blanket, looking up at him.

“You behavin’ yourself?” He asked, and there it was. Her famous scowl.

“You’re not going to give me a minute’s peace, are you?”

Now that he was closer, he could see had to look through her long lashes, and she had a small scar along her neck like Javier. Mary-Beth coughed.

“Is there something you need, Arthur?”

He shook his head, “Oh no, I was just making sure our new friend wasn’t giving you any trouble. God knows she gives it out a lot.” The woman shook her head to disagree, putting her book down.

“Not at all! She’s actually pleasant company.”

It was Y/n’s turn to talk, “I’m right here. Which, for your information, I’m a delight when I actually like the person. But, for a strange reason, I don’t like big dumb grunts who shoot me!”

Arthur rolled his eyes, “Give it a rest woman. You’re gonna have to get over that one day.”

The wind picked up slightly, making Y/n’s hair flow a little, and he was looking a bit too intently by accident. Mary-Beth stood up suddenly, causing the other two to turn to her. She excused herself, explaining she had chores to attend to, and scampered off. Arthur and Y/n stayed in awkward silence for a few seconds before she finally spoke up.

“Are you going to stand there or say something?”

He narrowed his eyes, staying stood because sitting next to her seemed too friendly, but the awkward pose of her sat looking up at him while he stood above her was just as bad.

“I’m just here to warn you that if you try anything- “

“Oh, give it a rest old man,” She spat as his eyes widened.

“Old man? You gotta be kidding, old man?”

Y/n laughed, tilting her head back slightly at his response. She stood up, dusting off her jeans. Despite being stood up now, she still had to look up. Tiny thing, she is. He asked, “And how old are you exactly?”

“Why? You interested?” She teased… flirted? He couldn’t tell, but he didn’t like either option.

He scowled at her, “Don’t be so cocky, girl. I’m askin’ ‘cos you’re acting like I’m as old as Hosea.”

“I’m in my early twenties, that’s all you’re getting.” She informed him, and for some reason, his stomach dropped. Arthur should’ve guessed she was young, she didn’t look older than thirty, but it still shocked him. Then she asked the same question. He chuckled lightly, looking away from her.

“I’m in my mid-thirties, old enough to be your Daddy.”

“Well, you don’t look a day over fifty.” She smiled sickly, enjoying tormenting the older man.

“Real mature of you.” He scoffed, before turning around without a goodbye. He couldn’t stand talking to her much longer; every single sentence she threw his way only jabbed him more and more, which would cause him to snap eventually. He found himself at Dutch’s tent, who was sat smoking a cigar and lost in thought. When he saw Arthur, his face lit up.

“Arthur! And to what do I owe the pleasure?” He took another puff.

“I just came to talk to you about that O’Driscoll girl.”

Dutch sat up straight, concern on his face, “Is she causing trouble?”

“Not exactly,” He rubbed the back of his neck, “It’s about her aim. When we were at Six Point, I was about to get shot, but she saved me. Put a bullet right between the man’s eyebrows. In seconds. That ain’t normal.”

The music was blaring from inside the tent like it usually did at this time, and Arthur could hear the rest of the members shouting and laughing. It almost drowned Dutch out.

“Where are you going with this, son?” The leader asked. Arthur paused, rubbing his chin.

“My point is, I don’t think she’ll cause trouble, but keep an eye on the guns around here.”

Dutch leaned back into his chair, a smug smile tugging at his lips.

“Or, we could use her to our advantage.” He was already planning something, a new chess piece for his board. Arthur rose an eyebrow and asked, “What you plannin’?”

He nodded his head, thoughts and ideas running through his head, “We are going to get Sean back, having her behind the scenes could be very helpful. Especially in a place like Blackwater.”

“Dutch…” Arthur groaned, “I can’t trust her. She may’ve saved my life, but she probably did it to save her own hide.”

“Well then, sounds like you two need to do a little bonding.” Dutch smirked, taking the final huff of his cigar, as he continued to scheme; much to Arthur’s dismay.

[milogreer]

so uhh this is gonna be scatterbrained. but i'm gonna ramble about milo and (what little info we have on) colm. sorry in advance if it doesn’t make sense i just had to exorcise this demon 🫡

i believe "camping with your alpha boyfriend (2021)" is the earliest mention of colm in an audio. obviously we don't actually know milo's side of things because it's told from david's POV, but we still get the mental image of little thirteen year old milo sitting shotgun in his dad's pickup as they drive to their camping spot. gabe's goofing around in the truck bed to make david and asher laugh, and colm joins in the fun by swerving the truck to mess with gabe. very basic dad thing to do, my dad's done the exact same thing to me and my siblings. it feels familiar and silly, and david frames it as a good memory, so it feels like a good memory. which is important to the point of this post

in "celebrating the new house (2022)," we get a little more colm lore:

My dad was forever blowing any cash he made on fucking bets and gambling and shit, chasing some fucking high. My mom was the only reason we didn’t end up out on the fucking street. He didn’t pull his head out of his ass and get some help until after I’d already moved out. So I never got to have that feeling of being in a house that was actually ours, ya know?

already this is a stark contrast to what we've previously heard of colm (i don't think there's any real mention of him between sept 2021 and dec 2022?) and it kinda makes me look at that old memory in a different light, especially with regards to david saying marie was "nagging [colm's] ear off about being irresponsible and a bad example." like. ykwim? like i'm just thinking about that interaction and wondering how far along those problems were at the time, if they were present at all. was this a normal, fun family outing? or would milo have rather been in the truck bed with david, asher, and gabe?

(and the fact that it wasn't until after milo moved out that colm tried getting any help?? i could make a whole other post speculating about milo struggling with wanting to move out of that environment ASAP vs not wanting to leave marie on her own to deal with colm)

so then i'm re-listening to "your werewolf boyfriend is worried about you" and having a visceral reaction to (re-)learning that colm was also an alcoholic:

But what he chose to do with that frustration and that feeling of powerlessness was not his job’s fault, those were his choices. He’s the one who decided to lose himself in booze and gambling and never being home. Never being there for the people he said he loved but apparently couldn’t stand to be around.

the last sentence especially is just an absolute heartbreaker because milo's, what, thirty now? and he's been dealing with this since he was a kid. clearly he's not on great terms with colm. the only times he ever talks about him is when he's shit talking the department. that is a crazy weight for someone to carry their whole life. i don't have experience with the gambling side but i do have an alcoholic family member who i used to be really close to as a kid but grew up to intensely resent as a result of his actions, so it hits a little close to home to see that reflected in milo

but i digress. umm. i bring up the camping story to highlight the most recent mention of colm from milo and how there were good times and sometimes maybe it hurts to remember them when the person involved devastated you as you grew up because they weren't what you thought they were. and how these things follow you through life and impact how you approach certain things. milo has to live with the fact that the same system that royally fucked colm is potentially going to do the same thing to the love of his life; i never drink more than one shot or half a beer, if i drink at all, and i don't like being around drunk people. even though we don't hear about colm very often, his influence is still there whenever milo has to deal with the department in any way

anyway i guess TLDR; imagine living the majority of your thirty years of life feeling like your dad couldn't stand to be around you because he was too busy drinking himself stupid and gambling away every penny he had as a way to deal with the strain that his job put on him. imagine having to witness your mom struggle constantly to keep you cared for. imagine the few good childhood memories you have with your dad being overshadowed by thinking he didn't love you or your mom enough to change. imagine watching the department run your soulmate into the dirt physically and mentally the same way it did your father and wanting to be supportive of them but also being so worried for them. it's a really interesting situation for him to be in and i enjoy it but it hurts me. the end

[deadbutbetter]

Hi, i'm sorry this is so out of the blue but would you mind sharing sadomasochistic literature recs pls? I love your other rec lists<33

yo not out of the blue at all. i realise i post a lot of content related to sm.

for fiction: besides the obvious bataille, you should look into colette peignot's collected writings under the name laure.

for some rewritten material on her there's kathy acker's my mother demonology. but everything by kathy acker relates to the subject: blood and guts in highschool, empire of the senseless.

(sidenote from an interview w kris kraus on her biography: According to Eleanor Antin, Kathy worked at a massage parlor in Solana Beach for a while, and she did not give massages. [...] She was also, at the same time, tutoring Latin. / If she didn’t give massages, what did she do? / Well, hand jobs, probably.)

another classic but story of o written by pauline réage plus its beautiful illustrations by leonor fini. it's actually said her fantastical owl masks inspired the character of o + she was really close to andré pieyre de mandiargues, whose one story la marge was adapted by walerian borowczky in immoral tales. then there's sacher masoch's venus in furs. you've probably already heard of anais nin's delta of venus.

i specifically highly rec mary gaitskill. bad behaviour is a great short story collection - one of the stories specifically inspired the film secretary (2002). her essay, the trouble with following the rules, on rape culture and agency published in harper's bazaar (later repub in somebody with a little hammer) is one rare occurrence of nuance and grace accorded to women who've had sexual experiences that are difficult to categorise. it gives a rundown of the ways she personally relates to feminist scholars on the subject too.

there's problems by jade sharma. for a more modern story of the eye, try ryu murakami's ecstasy.

for non-fiction (disclaimer that i mostly haven't read these but they are on my list):

gilles deleuze, masochism: coldness and cruelty ; avgi saketopoulou, sexuality beyond consent ; virginie despentes, king kong theory

if you're similarly interested in boundary-pushing experiences, the limits of the body, attraction to the horrific (i getchu) this is moreso sociology, aesthetics, psychoanalysis focused:

elaine scarry, the body in pain ; anne dufourmantelle, in praise of risk ; sylvère lotringer, overexposed: perverting perversions ; umberto eco, on ugliness

other media: the podcast drunk church, the director catherine breillat.

hope this is of help & if you read anything tell me how it went. i'm always looking for more stuff on the subject too.

[fabricated-misslieness]

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ellie williams x male reader (platonic) jesse x male reader

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: ellie comes back to town for resupply and catches up with an old friend

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 781

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: swearing, angst, post character death, post Seattle, awkward, very awkward, angst with a hopeful ending, ellie's pov, somewhat vague as to whether it's post santa barbara

ᴍᴀʏʙ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇ: inspo. don't ask me why both tlou fics have ellie pov

☾⋆☆⋆☽

There he is. Jesse's boyfriend.

It's rude to think of him as just Jesse's boyfriend. He was his own person, after all; but Ellie has reason. She knew Jesse better than him, after all. Jesse was one of her best friends, despite being the main reason she couldn't act on her long-time crush for a good while.

He was admirable, a young patrol-leader, courageous and smart. Most of all, he was loyal. He even followed her to Seattle.

Oh, fucking Seattle.

He looks like him, in a way. Ellie doesn't want to be rude, but their hair...it's the same. It's coarse and greasy, but so is everyone else's. Commercial shampoo isn't a thing twenty years after the collapse of the world and "major capitalism" anyway, but that's not the point.

He does look different. His eyes, his nose, his face is different, his own. But his hair.

It's shorter down the sides, obviously to keep it out of the way, and yet pieces still remain in front, perhaps a fashion statement, a rare sight when survival calls for practicality; perhaps, instead, a simple inevitability. The back remains long, down, unlike Jesse's, past his shoulders, Ellie recalls he used to wear it up more often than down. Before he and Jesse got together, he wore it in neat braids. Afterward, they got messy—maybe tugging from heated sessions, maybe, more probably, Jesse tried braiding it for him.

"Your hair." Ellie finds herself saying, interrupting your words. She wasn't paying attention, it was rude of her, but she can't see anything else.

"My hair?" You look confused, taking a piece in your hand, but then, oh, your hair. "I haven't had time, since..."

Since Seattle, Ellie thinks, but Seattle isn't Seattle to you, it's Jesse's death.

"Right." Ellie leans back, to stand on her heels. Right.

"I've had to, you know, take over patrol organization a bit, plus, um, new duties, yeah?"

"Yeah." She says, again another short response.

Yeah. Jesse handled a lot of patrol organization, alongside Mary, who now has to help Tommy around because of his knee and all, meaning she needs more people to help her; and also Tommy's knee means he can't go on patrol anymore and...it's just such a mess. And since Ellie left too? And Dina's busy with JJ? Three—four people that can't patrol anymore.

I'm sorry, she thinks to say, but she can't.

"You put it up for patrols?" She asks. It's a stupid question, the answer is an obvious yes.

"Yea–" It's a short response, too, awkward. "I meant, I, uh, don't have the time to braid."

She knows it's not true. She knows you at least have time in the mornings, but then maybe you just don't because it reminds you of him. The way his hands felt in your hair, clumsy, sometimes the braids are too tight and awfully angled, or sometimes they're too loose, but it's Jesse, so who cares?

I'm sorry, is yet again on her tongue, but she can't.

"How's–" What was she going to say? What were you saying, before she'd mentioned your hair? Fuck, she doesn't know.

You speak up abruptly, eyes flitting down, then up, "It looks like his, doesn't it?"

"Yeah." She agrees. Just that. What else is there to say? Well, there is... "I'm sorry."

"I know, Ellie." You say. It's simple.

She said it to you once, at the funeral; again, at the wake. A third time last time she came by, a fourth the time after. This might be the fifth, but she can't account for times she's been drunk, or whatever the fuck she was dealing with fresh off the horse from Seattle.

"I–" She wishes to say it again, anyway. She wishes to say more. Jesse loved you. Jesse wouldn't want you to be sad. Jesse...

"I know." You know, of course, she's already told you all of that, you don't even need her to speak her mind to know it. "Listen, I have to..." You gesture vaguely that-a-way.

"Right. Yeah." Ellie nods her head, bounces back on the balls of her feet and backs off.

"I'll see you next time?" You offer, your hands meeting together, intertwining, fingers breaking then holding again; a teeter, a restless thing. Nervous, no, awkward.

"Yeah." Ellie nods her head.

You're off.

But she speaks again, stopping you. "Hey, um!" She clears her throat, her sudden impulsive thought catching up to her, but you've already turned around, and she must finish. "I'll braid your hair? Next time?"

You smile, huff out a breath through your nose, maybe it's amusement, pity towards Ellie's attempt at what, making up? Or maybe it's appreciation. "Yeah. Yeah, sure."

[leclerqueensainz]

A Family of Three (C.L 16)

Part. III - Heroes, Princess and Fewawi.

⚠️ Warnings: Distress (Charles is very sad talking about losing someone he loves), mention of maternal abandonment, issues with parents, and postpartum depression, among other triggers. However, there is also a cute interaction with Vincenzo for the first time, so that's a step forward.

Enjoy the reading!

P.S.: This is entirely based on Charles's point of view.

Word Count: 4,332.

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April 19, 2019 - Monte Carlo, Monaco.

When my father died a few years ago, I thought I would be prepared for any loss I would have endure later on. I anticipated losing other people, of which I had no doubt, but I swore that nothing could shake me as much as losing my hero.

When I lied to him about securing the Ferrari contract because it was his dream, and I wanted him to rest in peace, knowing that we had achieved it, that all the effort he had put into my future had been worthwhile, I thought nothing else could hurt as much as knowing he would never have the opportunity to see me don a red racing suit and drive a Scuderia car.

When I was given permission to drive the car carrying his casket, and I drove through the city so my father could bid a final farewell to the place he lived and loved for so long before taking him to the cemetery, I thought nothing could destroy my heart and burn every cell of my body as much as that did.

I was wrong.

But I should have known better. I should have understood that no pain would be enough to call someone's soul.

The news reached me two days ago on Monday when I was still in Shanghai after a race. Marie, my ex-girlfriend, called me in the middle of the night, and I couldn't fathom why she was calling me when we hadn't spoken in six months since the breakup.

My heart had raced before answering the phone, and a thousand thoughts crossed my mind—whether she was drunk and missing me or if she dialed accidentally. If she just wanted to talk because she had a bad day and Jules didn't answer when she called. I could expect anything and think of any possibility, but never these words. "Jules is dead." That's what she said right after my hello. There were no tears, no pauses. Just a broken and lifeless voice. A dead and cold voice.

Marie hadn't called because she was drunk or had a bad day and had no one else to talk to. It wasn't nostalgia for the six months we had been apart. It wasn't to tell me she loved me, as I had dreamed so many times before.

Marie called because our best friend, my godfather, was dead. No tears, no pauses. Just shock. It was direct. It was terrifying.

I wanted to know what she was talking about because Jules had left after the race, and he was fine. He was happy with the position and wanted to return to Nice to celebrate with the family. She didn't answer me. And I wondered if she had a baby or if it was a playful way to start a conversation with an ex-boyfriend. But she didn't laugh like I knew she would if she were joking. Then I felt it. The silence that told the truth. I had lost Jules, too.

So I shouted into the phone, said it wasn't funny, I was late, and I didn't want to participate in that cruel game. Denial. "Come to Monaco, Charles." She said and hung up.

I never wanted to have answered. I never wanted to pack hastily, wake up Pierre, and tell him we had lost him. I didn't want to arrive in Monaco and see the faces of my brothers and my mother painted with grief again. "I'm so sorry, my love." That's what my mother said when I fell to my knees and allowed myself to cry in front of my family as she hugged me. "It will be okay." That's what Lorenzo said. But we both knew it wouldn't.

I thought I wouldn't feel the sense of helplessness and bitterness when putting on a black suit again. I thought grief would be something I could handle. But it wasn't.

I begged anything that existed not to take anything else from me. I couldn't bear to make the same journey to that church because of another funeral. And I didn't want the experience of that shadow that left me shattered again.

I didn't want to overcome another loss; I didn't want to wonder why the pain didn't pass and didn't seem enough. I didn't want to try to understand or hear people saying that he would be in a better place and everything was God's purpose.

God. Why did he seem so angry with me? Wasn't losing my father enough? Why did he need Jules, too?

knowing that the only certainty of life is death, why didn't God bring an easier way for those who remain to overcome it?

There was no more my father; there was no more Jules. My heroes were gone, and I was left here. Why was I left?

I was being selfish and wise. Nevertheless, it was what allowed me to feel at the moment. I was alone, without those who once helped me become who I am. There was no one else to advise or guide me. And even though I still had Lorenzo or Arthur, I felt lost, like a drifting boat.

When the car parked in front of that church, I asked my family to proceed. I need a few minutes. I gathered the courage and strength to enter that place once again and face what I already knew would be the cause of my nightmares in the coming days. "Confront your demons," everyone says. But whoever coined that phrase never understood the complexity of the dark and bitterness-filled hole that grief brings.

I stared at the church from behind the car window. The same car in which I had once smiled with my best friend for having won it and carrying the Ferrari brand on its bodywork. The same car where I cried when I thought about how my father would have reacted to seeing me come home with it, and Jules hugged me and said it didn't matter where he would be; he would be selling and proud of my achievements.

And now I'm here inside. I'm inside this car, once again, in front of this church. However, without the consolation of someone I love this time. I'm inside this machine, summoning the courage to enter the funeral of someone who once comforted me for a loss.

I'm here summoning the courage to say goodbye to another of my heroes.

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January 20, 2023 - Nice, France.

I park the car in front of an old, low-rise building. Beside me, Marie watches closely as Cecilia steps out of the car in front of us. I can feel her nervousness and notice her hands tightly gripping the cuffs.

I know exactly what she's feeling, and a part of me is proud that I still manage to understand her body language even after all these years, but I try my best to downplay it since it's a delicate moment for both her and me.

After the meeting, Cecilia made a request that we expected but still caught us somewhat off guard. She wanted us to meet Vincenzo that afternoon. And that's where we are now—parked in front of the building, which I assume is where Cecilia lives with Vincenzo.

"What if he doesn't like us?" Marie asks softly. And I think she's posing the question more to herself than me.

"Hey! He's going to adore us!" I say, and she looks at me. Her eyes are wide with fear and anxiety. "Marie, it won't be easy initially, but we've discussed this before. Let's take it one step at a time. Don't think of Vincenzo as our future responsibility for now; think of him as a piece of Jules we will meet, okay?" Her eyes fill with tears, but she nods and smiles.

I take her hand, still clenched into a fist, and slowly bring it to my lips, gently touching it. Her hand opened, and I saw the half-moon red marks in her palm. She sighs in surprise, and I smile, trying to convey reassurance, even though I'm as terrified as she is deep down.

"We'll make it, my dear. Trust me," I say, and she agrees.

She subtly motions for me to release her wrist, but before I can feel my stomach sink with her rejection, her hand grabs mine and squeezes—a firm grip with a lot of meaning. My eyes go from our joined hands to her face, and this time, she has a small, reassuring smile on her lips.

"Let's go, Leclerc! Let's meet the legacy of our best friend."

(…)

"Sorry for the number of stairs! Our elevator hardly ever works," Cecilia says when we finally reach her apartment door after climbing about eight flights of stairs.

I lean against the wall next to the door and pull the air firmly into my lungs. On the other hand, in the last step, Marie depends on the railing, trying to laugh her heart out and normalize her breathing.

"Jesus! How do you manage to do this every day?" She asks Cecilia, who laughs and shrugs.

"Try doing it with a child in your arms; you'll guarantee it's much worse," she says, and Marie laughs lightly.

"So, good for you that you'll soon be free from going through this, right?" I speak, and the smile once painted on her lips fades.

Marie clears her throat, making me take my eyes off Cecilia and look at her. She is giving me a reproachful look, and I muster all of myself not to roll my eyes.

"Cecilia, do you want to go in first and talk to Vincenzo for a bit?" She asks, and Cecilia agrees.

"Good idea! Be back in a minute," she says, searching for the key inside her bag until she finds it and inserts it into the door lock. Before she turned the doorknob to open it, she waited for me for a full minute.

"I'm not asking you to like me, Charles," her tone is profound, and I stare at her with the same intensity. "But know that while we are in my house and front of Vincenzo, you won't talk to me like that, and you won't disrespect my pain in front of my son. I know I can't expect much from you because you're a man, and you'll never understand the situation with any view other than a man's." She turns entirely to me. "None of this is a walk in the park. Not for any of us. And this is the saddest thing I've had to do since I spent 12 hours in labor alone in a hospital while still mourning the father of my child." Tears overflow in her eyes, and I swallow hard.

"I messed up, and I messed up a lot. But I pay my penance every day for it. While you could feel the pain of mourning at your doorstep, I had to get up every day to feed and change a child who depended on me, and for a long time, I considered him to blame for everything." She lowers her gaze, shame and regret in her words reflecting her being. "They said it was postpartum depression, but I always knew better. I always loved Vincenzo, but I will never be able to look at him without seeing the reflection of my mistakes." She wipes the tears streaming down her face with the backs of her hands. "I will live eternally with these ghosts haunting me, but I won't let my son go through this." She says and turns, opening the door and entering right after.

The door closes with a soft thud, and I look at her. I don't know how I should react or even what I feel in the face of Cecilia's declaration. But even without knowing, shame points at the pit of my stomach. It's a shame because I wonder what Jules would say if he could see me now. And I think about my father for the first time in a long time.

"She didn't say that for you to feel bad, Charles," I'm drawn by Marie's voice. Her expression is serious, but her tone is gentle. "But she's not entirely wrong. You'll never understand her, not just because you're a man, but because this situation is far beyond any understanding and empathy you and I can have." She says, and her gaze shifts momentarily before returning to me. "I think the only one who could understand her is no longer here." She whispers the last part, and I continue observing her and digesting her words.

I also wonder if Marie has ever felt like Cecilia, not for the same reasons; that's obvious. But for different reasons, has she ever felt so alone with no one to understand her motives?

And then, I remember when I found out she had left a few days after Jules' funeral. I went to her apartment in the center of Monaco, and when I arrived, the landlord told me she had moved two days ago. I remember the emptiness that filled me: the pain, the loneliness, the mourning.

I had questioned many times why she left and abandoned me, even though she had nothing left with me and no obligation to try to restore what was broken inside me. But at no point did I wonder what she felt.

Jules died, and Marie and I no longer had a relationship. Her parents were never real parents. She had no one else but me, and even though I felt lonely and abandoned, I still had family who felt my pain.

So, is that it? Is that why she left? Because she thought she had no one else? Did she go through all of this alone?

"Please, Charles. Don't do this," she says, and I stare at her.

"Do what?" I ask, confused.

"Don't try to decipher if there's more to what I said than what I said," her gaze is as intense as Cecilia's a bit ago. "This is not about me and certainly not about you." And with these words, she ended the subject.

I wish I could retort and ask her, but that wasn't the moment, and I had already messed up enough for today. So, I nod in understanding, and she relaxes her shoulders and clears her throat.

Marie walks towards me in small steps, my trained eyes on her movements. She stops by my side, leaning against the same wall as me. Her face turned to the stairs where she was before.

"I'm sorry," is what I say because that's what I feel. Marie looks at me, and a faint smile adorns her lips.

"It's not your fault," she looks back at the stairs, and I follow.

We spend a few more minutes facing the cold steps, both immersed in our thoughts until I hear a slight maneuver coming from inside Cecilia's apartment. The door opened, but there was no one there.

"Hi!" A childish voice says, and I look down, seeing a tiny being with dimples and chubby cheeks staring at us. "I'm Vitiendo."

I feel my body freeze, and everything around me seems blurry. The little one looks at me with big brown eyes, just like Jules'. My heart races inside my chest, but still, I try to pull the air as deep as I can.

I crouch down, getting as close as I can to Vincenzo's height, and he keeps looking at me with big and curious eyes.

"Are you a friend of Daddy?" He asks, and I nod.

"Your father was my best friend," I say, his eyes light up. "I'm Charles. Nice to meet you, Vincenzo," I add, extending my hand for him to take.

"Will you be my best friend too, Shal?" he asks, looking from my hand back to my face.

I feel my eyes welling up, and a smile grows on my face.

"Yes, Vincenzo. You'll be my best friend," I reply, and he throws himself into my arms. I was startled and remained still momentarily, feeling his little arms tightly wrapped around my neck.

I instinctively hugged him back when I finally realized he was hugging me.

Tears I tried to hold back streamed down my face. It's Jules' son who is in my arms now. And it's him to whom I will give my word and my life to protect, no matter what happens. Just as Jules once did for me.

I lose myself in the feeling of that hug. I lost the sense of familiarity I felt at that moment. It's as if I've been transported back a few years, and the person in my arms is my best friend. I close my eyes tightly and suppress the urge to say everything. I never had the opportunity to speak to Jules one last time.

I love you. I miss you. I'm sorry. Thank you for being my hero. Stay.

I don't know how long we've stayed in this position, but I've returned to reality, or at least part of it when I hear a sniffle and a half sob behind Vincenzo. He must have heard it, too, as he squirms slightly in my arms, urging me to let go. He then turns to his mother and Marie, who are watching us, tears in their eyes.

Many things are happening on Marie's face, but for the first time since we learned of Vincenzo's existence, fear is not a part of any of them.

I watch her eyes shine with inspiration as she looks at the little boy in front of her, who looks back at her with sparkling eyes. They stand there, staring at each other for a few seconds, until Vincenzo tilts his head in confusion.

"Hi!" he greets with a shy smile. "Are you a princess?" I let out a low laugh, and Cecilia joined me. Marie bends down to his level. Her right hand slowly traces Vincenzo's face as if she wants to capture every feature.

"You look just like your dad," her voice falters with emotion, and Vincenzo extends a hand, mimicking her movements.

"Were you also a friend of Daddy, Princess?" He smiles openly, and Marie quickly nods with closed eyes, savoring the affection Vincenzo is showing.

"Yes, my love. I was excellent friends with your daddy," she says in a soft voice, and just as he did with me, Vincenzo throws himself into Marie's arms, who holds him instantly and presses him tightly against her.

I approach the two and give Marie a sideways hug, running my hands through Vincenzo's small curls.

(...)

"And this here is my Lawi Hamilton car," Vincenzo shows me another one of his toy cars when we reach the small room he shares with his mother. "It's my favorite," he says, and Marie laughs beside me when I can't hide my grimace.

"And a Ferrari? Don't you like Ferrari?" I ask him, and he leaves me confused for a few seconds.

"Fewawi? Is that the red car that breaks?" He innocently asks, and this time Marie bursts into laughter. I nod and give her a dirty look. "Fewawi is cool, Shal. But I like Cedes," he says, his eyes sparkling with the name of Mercedes, and I can't help but smile.

"Alright, I'll make you change that over time. At least it's not Redbull," I say, and Marie shakes her head, the huge smile still on her face.

"Edbull is the best! I like Edbull!" He says, and I choke on the air.

"But that's not possible!" I am incredulous, and Marie already has tears in her eyes from laughing so much.

"Don't be mad, Shal! I'll like Fewawi too, I promise!" Vincenzo extends his pinky finger towards me, and I catch it with mine, crossing them in a promise.

"I think that's great because you're going to spend a lot of time in the Ferrari box with me, little man," I say, picking him up, and he laughs.

"And are we going to meet Lawi Hamilton?" He asks excitedly, and I nod with a smile.

"Well, he won't be in the Ferrari box, but we can go to the Mercedes one; how about that?" I ask, and Vincenzo lets out a scream of happiness and hugs me tightly.

"Thank you, Shal! Are you coming too, Princess?" He turns to Marie, who looks at me awkwardly, unsure what to answer.

It has been a long time since Marie walked through the Paddock; the last time was months before Jules' death when we both ended our relationship. And I understand that for her, it might be a bit challenging.

"The Princess will go when she's ready," I say, looking at Marie. "And when she's ready, we'll both be there to hold her hands and ensure she doesn't feel scared, right?" I ask, shifting my gaze from Marie to Vincenzo, and the little boy in my arms jumps, making me hold him tighter to prevent him from falling.

"Yes! And can we take mommy too, Shal?" I feel a shiver down my spine when he asks me. I look at Marie, who stares back at me with wide, sad eyes.

I don't know what to answer. I still need to understand my position here. Vincenzo will live with us, but I don't know who or how we would break this news to him. Even though I don't like Cecilia and disagree with her parenting methods, I still don't feel that this conversation should come from me but rather from Cecilia, who is still the boy's mother.

No child is ready to leave their mother, especially one so young. Cecilia is Vincenzo's world. The only absolute truth he knows, and I don't want him to lose that, even if it's something enforced.

"How about we check if Mommy has finished making dinner, Little One?" Marie asks, lifting the rug where Vincenzo is sitting. "Will you help me find the kitchen? This house is still a maze for me, and princesses can't wander in mazes without royal guards and knights in armor to watch over them, right?" Marie gestures and puts her hands on her chest, pretending to be a distressed damsel. Despite wanting to laugh at her horrible acting, I feel grateful she thought of something so quickly to distract the boy from his question.

"Yes, Princess! I'll protect you from monsters and bad guys!" Vincenzo says, striking a pose as a brave hero, making us laugh. "Shal, floor!" I understand what he means and bend down to safely put him on the floor.

Vincenzo takes Marie's hand, pulling her towards the door. She follows him briskly, and I stay in the room for a few more minutes, looking at the toys Vincenzo had left on the floor.

His question still echoes in my head. The feeling of wanting to shield him from any pain overwhelms me, but I know it's impossible for him not to suffer from Cecilia's future absence. I wonder if she is not going through the same, for I've known him for less than an hour, and I can't imagine being away from the boy for too long. Then I remember what she said earlier, her bitter words against herself, and how she doesn't want Vincenzo to be haunted by the ghosts of her mistakes.

And remembering the feeling I had earlier with him in my arms, this may be the universe's way of telling me that even though I no longer have my heroes around me, I still have the opportunity to be someone's hero.

And there, sitting on Spider-Man's play mat, holding the toy cars in my hands, I begin to understand, or at least I think I do. If I already love him, having just met him, it's clear that this is a nightmare for Cecilia. She has to leave her son, her only companion because guilt and the consequences of her mistakes always haunt her. Sacrificing her right as a mother rather than offering her son's happiness and future might not make her a terrible mother. Perhaps it's the only thing she has done right in her entire life.

"Come on, Shal! Many monsters want to take the Princess!" Vincenzo appears at the door, and I quickly get up, running towards him. After all, I can't let such a tiny being fight against so many monsters alone.

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Hello! After months, I brought another part translated into English! I apologize for the delay, but it's truly challenging to translate into another language. This weekend, I will translate the other parts :) See You!

Tag list:

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@livinglifethroughfanfic @allthisfortommy

@kyomihann

@numafarawayglxy

@ushygushybaby

@lara03

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@ru-kru @pjofics

[blushblushbear]

sorry..... me again...… you can choose to ignore this if you feel like it's too much

(not trying to guilt-trip you, please don't feel pressured

uh maybe... Nimh? Nimh is cute I like Nimh

if you don't feel like doing him, maybe Poe or Anon?

*blows the dust off this ask* oops this one's pretty old

I already did Nimh so Anon and Poe it is

Anon

Okay not to call the scott a drunk

but I'm about to call the scott a drunk

he's not too bad, but he is a little picky about what he will and will not drink

low key judges people for their choice of beers

side eyes people who order basically liquid candy as a drink (for a cocktail at least, he will rot his teeth on mountain dew don't get it twisted)

he mostly does pints but his fav mixed drink is a moscow mule

or a spiked energy beverage

speaking of drinks he always has a crazy amount of them

g-fuel, red bull, monster-- every energy drink type thing you've seen he's probably got

also drinks prime

also mountain dew

a lot of it

I joke about his teeth rotting but in all honesty he takes good care of them

that's the one gamer stereotype he does not fall in town

he's low key germophobic so his apartment and battle station are SPOTLESS

he defo has those touchland hand sanitizers cause he's a boujee bitch

speaking of boujee he's actually p well off

started trading stocks young and did crypto till it tanked

he doesn't like to talk about his crypto days (he was a hard crypto bro at it's peak)

usually his drunk rambles are about crypto

also conspiracy theories

also video games

his parents are decently well off too but he doesn't talk to them much

they don't have a bad relationship but it's definitely one of those 'you see the family only around the holidays' kind of deals

he has a lot of internet buds but I think deep down he's bad at making real connections and actually gets pretty lonely

likes watching animal videos, WOULD NOT get a pet

rarely has people over to his place, took him a while to fully mentally accept having you over

he was determined to get over it though cause he really wanted you around

would never shower with someone cause that just feels unsanitary-- the shower is for CLEANING

would maybe get a snake-- they're pretty clean

once went 3 days without sleeping

actually lost a lot of sleep to stardew valley when it first came out

his farm is AMAZING

loves to troll at video games but not in a run face first into the enemy team and ruin it for everyone kinda way

more a does a 360 no scope on you right when you think you're safe

you mad bro??? lol

sends lots of memes about liking his s/o cause he's really bad at saying how he feels

favorite director is Edgar Wright cause he's a man of taste and culture

regularly cleans and buffs his nails

has at least one to two drinks chilling in every room of the house

really wants to get an ear piercing

really vain about his looks even though he dresses like garbage

just tell him he's handsome, he's legit too proud to beg but he needs that validation

listens to a lot of underground bands and artists

also a lot of djs

owns 15 pairs of headphones

5 have animal ears

showers at least once a day unless he's in a gaming trance

once tried to write you poetry, felt like an idiot, removed all evidence of it's existence and would deny it fully if you ever found out

Poe

Probably not a surprise to anyone but he got bullied a lot in high school

Has been writing poetry since he was 10 and has notebooks full of poems and short stories from over his life

really wants to write some kind of vampire mystery series centered around a brooding poet vampire but also he's bad at writing mysteries

I've sad this before but he's in a book club with Nimh and Cashew

he keeps trying to get them to read romantic novels

Cashew was game until he realized Poe meant like Lord Byron romantic

Mary Shelley Romantic

thinks Mary Shelley losing her virginity on her mother's grave is the coolest thing ever and is high key jealous

Mary Shelley is honestly his hero

secretly got addicted to soap operas

he wants to stop so bad but he can't

he doesn't have a pet but if he did he'd be that dude you can totally tell has a pet cause he's always covered in fur

not that Poe would even care

Poe actually never much cared for birds and is still salty about becoming a magpie

owns so many Victorian/Edwardian style coats

and vests

he's just one color palette/slight aesthetic change away from just being steampunk

owns so many bits of jewelry, it mostly just floats around his living spaces and he chooses what he's wearing that day at random

all the people who headcanon Poe as trans, you're correct

constantly painting his nails and it's always chipping

his nail polish is actually pretty jank but he doesn't care so long as his nails are black

his living spaces are a mess

lots of papers, lots of random odds and ends, lots of clothes and book and forgotten mugs everywhere

does actually partake in the music aspect of the goth culture

most of his fav bands are ones you haven't heard of

he doesn't actually like horror much

at least not this modern jumpscare nonsense

he likes his horror dark, dramatic, and poetically gorey

Saw??? more like pa-shaw he can't stand those movies

the closest thing he gets to liking more mainstream horror franchises is Chucky

Tiffany Valentine is his favorite (*jennifer tilly voice* ~Jennifer Tilly~)

he can always get down with halloween, but only the first one

he can fuck with Tim Burton and Guillermo Del Toro though

crimson peak is his shit

also Jane Austen bitch?!

he loves him some Jane Austen

Emily Dickinson

Mary Shelley obvs

he low key hates to be basic but fucking

read Emily Dickinson's poetry and tell him you're not simping

he legit does simp for Shelley and Dickinson

legit loves the Kira Knightly Pride and Prejudice will all his heart

Sylvia Plath

He's trying so hard not to be basic but he loves Wednesday Addams

that line about her being allergic to colors--- he felt that

regularly listens to sounds of rain and fireplaces

ye I think I'll end it here lol XD

[queensilber]

Supernatural: Nevermore

Review time! I actually finished reading this a while ago and just didn't get around to posting the review, but here you go!

.

Summary:

Sam and Dean go to New York to help a friend of Ash with a ghost problem. Said friend is a rocker with a music collection that Dean totally freaks over (further down in this review I have a songlist of the mentioned music, too) and they get to stay at that guy's place while taking care of the problem. There is also a murder spree based on the works of Edgar Allen Poe going on in the area and the boys are solving two cases parallelly.

My experience:

I loved this. It was so fun, the vibe was great, i had a great time! This is actually the first book in the series and I should have read it before witchs canyon, but it doesnt matter too much.

Also, the book starts on a 12th of november, wich is my birthday, so thats cool.

Music list:

Okay, so, because of the plot with the Band, there is a LOT of music in this. I‘m now just and only gonna list the things Dean either has on tape or said that he loves it. Some are songs, some are Bands and some are albums, its listed chronologically after appearance rather than what it is… (sorry)

Deep purple „smoke on the water“

Metallica

Led Zeppelin "Whole lotta love"

Van Morrison "Caravan"

Jethro Tull "For a thousand Mothers"

"Cocaine"

"Ramblin' man"

"Rock on"

"Freebird"

Queensrÿche "Operation Mindcrime"

Dark side of the moon

the Animals

House of the holy

Dressed to Kill

The who "by Numbers"

"Thick as a brick"

"in-a-gadda-di-vida"

the Big Pink

Great so let's continue,

Quotes and Random Facts

"Then again, Sam sometimes thought he didn't have the same attachment to his late girlfriend Jessica that Dean had to the Impala"

"In fact, Sam's skills at lying - both in therms of pretending to be someone else and also misleading people as to the true nature of his life and of the world itself - had been one of the things that attracted him to the law" < in reference to why he studied law at Stanford.

"Squirming in the passenger seat, Sam thought, 'I swear to god, if he starts petting the Dashboard again, I'm walking to New York" < in reference to Dean and the impala

there is also a reference to Sherlock Holmes and my post-it to that was like "Superwholock?" so yea, do with that as you will.

Sam and Jess once went to San Fransisco and did all cute tourist stuff there.

"Cassie was a Subscriber" < Dean telling Sam why he know stuff about animal magazines. he is referring to Cassie Robinson.

"He loved his brother more than anything in the world" < Dean about Sam

Dean had nightmares about people burning on ceilings like his mom did and those people were: Mary, Jessica, Cassie, Sarah, Ellen, Jo and Sam.

"Sam (...), he'd drunk hot sulfur once, by accident during a job, and he wasn't eager to repeat the experience."

"'I assume you took so long 'cause you were hitting on the bartender' he grinned. 'He didn't strike me as your type.'" < Sam about Dean, referring to the male bartender. Deans answer: "Funny boy."

"Dean looked over at his brother. Now he had on his instant face. Dean hated the insistent face, because Sam only used it when he was arguing with him. As opposed to when he argued with Dad. That was always the angry face"

Sam likes Gin and Tonic. Dean is appalled by that.

"Sam looked at Dean. Without any sign or facial indication, Sam knew that his brother agreed they should check upstairs next"

Dean just takes random pictures of Sam sleeping

John actually signed all the paperwork Sam needed to go to Stanford for the first year and Sam got them to declare him independent for the next years. Dean is in absolute shock over that and so am I. that conversation is too long for me to put in all in here, but damn it made me cry.

"'my life is seriously screwed up', he thought with amusement" <Dean, obviously.

"When he was a kid, about eleven years old, he used to go looking for cars that had 'no Radio in car' signs on them. He'd take a removable radio, of a type that was very popular at the time, and throw it as hard as he could at the car window with a note wrapped around it that read 'Now you have one'" < I love Dean so much

Dean hates rubber gloves

"'I just love Mexican Standoffs,' Dean thought"

Sooo that's about all I got for you about this book, can highly recommend it, it was better than Witches canyon, even though I liked that one too very much.

I will link the next one, once I'm done with it!

<First , Next>

[nyahctrl]

𝜗𝜚 Satoru with a s/o who likes to get stoned

authors note: last thursday when i had ‘an experience’ i do not want to romanticize. i thought about how gojo would react to his s/o being high (because he doesn’t use any mind altering substances) so here i am ft. the notes from my phone i tried to use (i barely formed words) / tumblr doesn’t let me posts blogs with pics so excuse the lack of aesthetics

cw: drug use (mari🍃nna), insecure reader, nickname use princess

"Babe?"

"Yeah, princess?"

"Do you think it's weird how you have a girlfriend who likes to get high?"

— Let's be honest, he's probably used to being around high people because of Geto and Shoko (you can't tell me they don't stone occasionally)

— Satoru overall perception is that you're cute when you're high, because you never talk this much about your feelings with him, especially your feelings for him

— For when you're hyperactive, he probably gonna have a lot of fun, hearing you bubbling and trying to get 194829 things done but not doing shit right. Trust, it's documented in his camera roll.

— If you're rather chill and relaxed he totally enjoys cuddling with you and just watching you looking in the distance or taking 3 minutes to finish one thought. He is totally curious about what you think but wouldn't push it. (especially if you get high to destress from something)

— At the occasion of you having a bad trip he's totally there for you and those are the times he especially doesn't condone you consuming things, when they make you feel like this. But also in general if you would ask him, he would probably be anti-substances for you. Satoru understands the double blade of it, but as for something like mariXXnna, he would rather tease you out of it than having a real intervention. (No confrontation babe)

— He also wouldn't 'initiate' anything sexual or even go for it when you're beyond normal comprehension

— He loves hearing you talk about the most nonsense things. You wanna explain him your personal playlist? Why you sorted those songs that way? What each song personally means to you, which is just crazy specific. He is all ears.

— Your personal sandwich maker for your cravings, doing insane combos to impress you and asking for your opinion, being absolutely honored when you praise him like he created one of the seven world wonders (it's just a sandwich but he knows you eat everything up in that state)

— Now that I think about it, Satoru is probably the most quiet when you're high and babbling because he feels like he can hear you without any barriers of shame, that could stop you from expressing your true thoughts (and he will use anything you told him later to tease you and then he won't shut up, trust)

"- like isn't it useless, am i not crazy for taking it and you're judging me like what if you find me weird and you're normal and i'm weird and you see me as usless and stop loving me-" he finds it cute how you're so worried about all of that when he couldn't care less unless it's harming you in any way.

— (I have no idea if it's just me) but when you tend to be overly insecure about your feelings/expressing your anxious feelings, he will not stop reassuring you. Especially when you ask him 18 times if he knows you love him and that your love is sincere etc.He does take your insecurities as a validation of your love for him though.

"Oh my god, do i act like a drunk person? So i may sound like that. WTF i'm so insecure I have to stop. I'm sorry. I love you. Now I'm being quiet. You won't hear me talking. Omg am I more serious when I'm not high. Am I a drunk person?"

— His personal fave moments are when you start to explain for 15 minutes how much you love him and you start to go in so much detail that it's getting ridiculous. He would while all of that hug you from behind and look at you with the most soft look in his face just nodding and chuckling because you make it for real sound ridiculously.

no reposts on other platforms

[danisbrainrot]

I MUSTT KNOW if you have any thoughts about the yellowjackets being in a hunger games au!!!

ok, I don't know how to group my thoughts so I'm just gonna put them all here:

laura lee: wouldn't kill anyone, obvy, but also I think everyone would find her too sweet to kill. she'd die naturally, like eating the wrong berries or something. I don't think she'd last long (first to die in the show = first to die in the hunger games).

lottie: she wouldn't kill anyone either I don't think, she'd form an alliance but would piss someone off like taissa or shauna and they'd probably kill her. she wouldn't be good at hunting or gathering and would heavily rely on her alliance with van, gen, melissa and mari.

natalie: we already know she's a hunter. she would just convince one of the sponsors to buy her a gun and before you know it, bam! bam! bye bye people she doesn't like. I could see her being one of the victors, but secretly I think shauna could kill her.

shauna: we already know she's violent, so I think she'd kill everyone and anyone if it came down to it. she's a career if I'm being honest (love you though shauna 🫶). she'd ally with taissa and jackie (ofc) and would struggle with who to kill in the end, but at the end of the day, she'd still finish them off, she'd just feel real bad about it. she's the butcher, she'd feed herself and her allies off of the traps she'd set, or supplies she'd kill people for and would live the longest, honestly. I could see misty killing her (for revenge on natalie, of course).

jackie: this girl is USELESS. she wouldn't survive past the bloodbath if it weren't for shauna. would die of hypothermia in the arena because she doesn't know how to start a fire to save herself (and likes sleeping in snow for some reason???) she was pissing everyone off at one point, so she'd definitely be everyone's target. there's no universe I think she could win these games (unless shauna came to her senses).

misty: this woman is a cold hearted killer, and she's a healer. she'd definitely win, imo. she'd ally up with natalie (who hates it, but like, misty could help her with injuries, why wouldn't she try and keep her alive? no other reason, totally.) this girl is totally feral, though. she'd kill without hesitation. and she'd cover it up so well that the viewers at home would be wondering if she actually killed them or not.

van: would die for taissa and lottie. I've already told you who she'd ally up with, but she'd leave them in a second if taissa asked. she'd be a good gatherer, enough to survive. we've seen van, she's a killer when she wants to be, and she can't die. so maybe she could win 🤭

taissa: would die for van (and maybe shauna). her sleep walking would kill quite a few people. she'd gather plants and stuff, but her main goal is looking after shauna because we see how protective she is of her (and who wouldn't be? shauna shipman is the loml!) would heal shauna and van's injuries to the best of her abilities.

javi: he'd survive purely by hiding and stealing supplies. would die from falling in the lake though :(

travis: he's not making it past the bloodbath, sorry not sorry. he pisses everyone (or maybe just me) off by being so emo. if he didn't die in the bloodbath, he'd die because he doesn't know what he's doing and he wouldn't be a sponsor favourite.

mari: allied with lottie and them. EXCELLENT gatherer! would kill someone but only if she was in a pack with the girlies 🤭. she'd make her berry juice and get everyone drunk.

akilah: according to the hunger games simulation, she's the real winner (and vicious) but I think she'd starve and start hallucinating, so maybe she wouldn't last very long.

crystal: allied with misty, but is immediately killed after the bloodbath by her (bonus points if misty pushes her off a cliff).

gen: allied with lottie's cult group. would help mari gather. don't know much about her honestly, but I think she'd be somewhat helpful. would be killed first by mari or van probably.

melissa: same as gen, tbh.

ben: dead in the bloodbath. with his missing leg and how useless he is throughout the entire series, I wouldn't blame the girls if they just got rid of him asap.

the antler queen spirit: the president snow of this au.

[hooked-on-elvis]

So this is the Playboy interview Lisa had in the early 2000s. As for Priscilla's "rebuttal" I don't know if there ever was one. Lisa's interview here had different details and of course given the nature of this story read at your own risk (this is also including your followers since it can be pretty rough).

https://www.elvis.com.au/presley/lisa-marie-playboy-interview.shtml

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED. SENSITIVE CONTENT.

How those kind of things were kinda forgotten? I mean I never heard this story before, honestly. It's weird how it wasn't more publicized... I guess it's because of the way - I think - Lisa didn't told her mom knew about it. Also, in the book it's more detailed and you can picture the thing happening - I cried over that. It gives (all of us, I'm sure) chills. It's really just horrendous. I will never get over Lisa saying her mom made Edwards apologize. Like, what?... As if he had just stepped on her foot or something?

I took the liberty of taking excerpts from that awesome interview with Lisa just to point somethings out (other than just the abuse itself). But I recommend you all, friends, to take your time reading the full interview. It's just awesome! Lisa was a badass, as for her mom...

MEMORIES BEING AROUND HER FATHER: PLAYBOY: You were five years old when your parents divorced. How did the divorce change your life? PRESLEY: When they divorced, I would go out on the road more and miss more school, which I liked. People say I didn't get to see him very much, but I was with him quite a bit. All of a sudden, a car would show up at school, and he was calling for me to go out on the road. PLAYBOY: What was it like, hanging out with him? PRESLEY: Nocturnal: Go to bed at four or five A.M. and get up at two or three the next afternoon. It was always a lot of fun. There is not one bad memory. There was always a lot of energy and life in the house. He was very mischievous.

x

MEMORIES BEING AROUND HER MOTHER PLAYBOY: Your mother also wrote that because your father spoiled you so much, "Lisa had trouble learning what was right and wrong." PRESLEY: I don't feel like I was spoiled. Anything my father did for me or gave me was done out of love, and I took it as that. I'm sure I had moments when I was a snot. But my mom was there to smack me back to the other side. Whatever he did, she cleaned up. PLAYBOY: After you parents split, your mom had a boyfriend named Michael Edwards -- PRESLEY: Oh my god, can I use the bathroom before I talk about this sorry-ass @#%$? PLAYBOY: He confessed that while he was in a relationship with your mom, he had sexual feelings for about you. PRESLEY: He's a sick @#%$. I know he wrote a book and said he lusted after my developing body as I got out of a pool. [In his book, Priscilla, Elvis and Me, Edwards wrote, "I'd had to put and end to our swimming together after one disturbing afternoon in the pool. Lisa had innocently thrown her arms around me, and we were jumping up and down. I became aroused. A sick feeling crept slowly into the pit of my stomach. I was craving Lisa sexually."] He made his attempts at coming into my room and being inappropriate while drunk.

Thank you for sharing this interview with us, friend!

I feel so grateful at how Lisa was raw honest about her life, you know? She was consistent, that is something of people telling the truth, living their truth. I just love that woman for that. Elvis was pretty honest too with a lot of things (other than his love life and addiction), but he couldn't be so blunt as Lisa because he had things to lose. Anyway, I think he would feel proud of his baby girl and the woman she turned into. That's the important part in everything, I guess. That Lisa was a bold woman and inspired a lot of other girls, always will. I admire her courage, it also kinda makes me believe there's humanity in celebs, you know? Most of them look so fake, for a reason I guess, but they sound just too full of shit for me... Lisa didn't have to and didn't. Amazing girl!

As for the whole situation, it's good to know Lisa shared this with people long before but I wonder... This is serious. Too serious. Why didn't Lisa publicly accuse him - or her mom, like she was supposed to? (if she did and I don't know about, please correct me, please.)

[aerowolf]

pinned post be upon ye

PROSHIPPERS AND INCEST SHIPPERS HARD DNI

i am a minor. if your entire blog is nsfw dni. if you only occasionally post nsfw it's fine to follow BUT ONLY if you tag your nsfw so the tag is blocked

my discord is open to anyone who wants to join, legals included. i will only selectively dm legals. please read the rules as well.

find my art at @aerowolf-draws

hi if you're curious i also run @thefencertf2 and @ilikeclipboards,and @miss-pauling-in-situationsi have other blogs but those are my tf2 oc and miss Pauling asks blogs

Table of Contents

About Me

Fic Requests and Masterlist

Full fics ( non headcanon multiple part or short story style, usually also on other sites, mostly personal but occasional requested )

About

Ahoy all ! the names Jasper ! she/her and i am a minor. i am completely ridden with audhd i am so sorry.

my current main hyperfixations consist of Atla, BABYMETAL, Paramore, TV Girl, Zelda, Star Trek, XFiles, Ninjago, Atla, Lunar Chronicles, Squirrel Girl, Audrey Hepburn, ATSV and TF2

I draw sometimes I am also a MAJOR Scout simp like idk I'm mentally ill about this man please don't ask how many photos i have of him or how many times I've drawn him and definitely don't look up my tf2 art tag

Miss Pauling is girlboss and deserves the world so do Scout's Ma, Zhanna and Mags. The administrator is womanfailure and needs to die.

you can find all my future art at @aerowolf-draws

Fic Reqs & Masterlist

i only write tf2 atm. what I'll write and how to request can be found here

MASTERLIST:

romantic x reader:

the mercs realizing their s/o still sleeps with a plush

includes: Engineer, Heavy, Demoman, Medic, solo interactions | format: headcanons/story | warnings: alcohol/drinking/drunk mentions on Demo’s section, very minor mentions of cadavers, blood, saws, etc in Medic's | type: sfw fluff & comfort, merc x f!reader, physical affection, forehead kisses, pet names, established relationship

fem!reader meets scout's family for the first time

includes: Scout, Scout's Ma, Scout's brothers, collective interaction. | format: headcanons/story | warnings: n/a | type: sfw fluff & comfort, merc x f!reader, words of encouragement, affirmations, physical affection, established relationship

platonic x reader:

the mercs realize it's your bday and you didn't tell anyone because your family doesn't do birthdays

includes: Miss Pauling & Offense Classes, solo | format: headcanons/story | warnings: n/a | type: fluff

platonic canon x canon:

romantic canon x canon:

nonship:

Dadspy Headcanons

includes: Spy, Scout's Ma mentions | format: headcanons, no story | warnings: absent father/abandonment etc | type: mostly just fluff or sad fluff

FULL FICS

Army Dreamers status: complete

Scout's mother, Marie Jones, receives a letter telling her that her son, her beloved Jeremy, is coming home early from the war, riding in a pine box.

WARNING: there will be thoughts of suicide. it will not occur, and the character will be comforted.

A Study In Scarlet Dress status: ch 3/?

The tale of how Spy met Scout's Ma, and the wholesome acts of love and chicanery which followed

[perpetualproductions]

Never Be The Same- Chapter 7

All For Us

- Jordan, Emma, and Marie confront Andre, demanding an explanation in regards to his new job.

(Title song: All For Us by Labrinth & Zendaya)

[a/n: This one's a little bit heavy. Tears may have been shed. But I love angst so we ride.]

CW: mentions of drug use, cigarettes, sense of betrayal, emotional hurt.

3k words

<-Previous | Next->

Bad Habits. Everyone has them. Jordan has their fair share of bad habits, though, some people might call them something else; dependencies, unhealthy coping mechanisms, whatever the fuck. But Jordan prefers to call them bad habits, cause everyone has them, it's only human.

So, there Jordan sits in the driver's seat of their Dark Blue 2018 Honda Civic, partaking in one of their many bad habits. They were meant to be getting gas, which they did, but instead of heading straight back home, they found themselves parked in the middle of an empty parking lot, windows rolled down, and a lit cigarette in hand. 

They sat there in female form, taking a drag as they stared off in the distance, contemplating on all the shit going on in their life right now. Even though she wasn't there, they could already hear Marie's voice telling them off about their “nasty habit” as she'd put it, and it's not like they disagree either. It really is an ugly habit that developed as an adolescent act of rebellion, which only became more frequent the more they realized how shitty life was to deal with sober. They had tried to quit a few times since then, only picking it back up when they had a particularly shitty day, but by college “quitting” was really just doing other drugs in place of it. As long as it took the edge off it worked for Jordan.

The longest they'd gone sober (besides a couple drinks and a blunt every now and again. It's not like they were an actual addict.) was when Marie and Emma convinced them to do so a month after Godolkin fell. They actually kept it up for a while too. Marie being there was a big help. With her, they honestly didn't really feel much of a need to get high or drunk. She was more than enough to make them feel good and content with their life. That did of course all change with recent events. 

Since Marie moved away, they did find themselves smoking weed a bit more than usual. But that was just weed, not like it was cigarettes or coke or whatever, and they were also back in school and weed always helped them unwind after a particularly stressful week. But now, Andre's in the Seven, and Vought's back on their radar, and as much as they didn't want to (especially with Marie back in town), they needed something to keep them from fucking exploding. So while they were at the gas station, they bought a pack along with Gatorade, gum, and some car air fresheners, and drove to an empty parking lot by a construction site that they used to frequent (with Andre, actually… fuck).

They just couldn't catch a fucking break, could they? Frustrated, they put out the cigarette and threw it out the window, the entire pack following after it. They chugged some Gatorade, popped a stick of gum, hung up one of those silly tree shaped car air fresheners, and made their way back home.

—

Later that day, Jordan found themselves back at that same parking lot. Except this time, Marie and Emma were in the car with them. It was dark out, the sun having set not too long ago. Jordan sat in the driver's seat in their female form, all their nervous energy manifesting as incessant finger tapping. Jordan's eyes flickered around from mirror to mirror, watching and waiting for a certain someone to show up. 

“Can you please stop with the fucking finger tapping? It's a steering wheel, not a fucking drum.” Emma exclaimed from the backseat, clearly annoyed. 

“Well, sorry if I'm a bit on edge, Emma! How about you leave me the fuck alone?” Jordan snapped back, the tense energy getting to them.

“Hey! How about we all just fucking breathe for a second, yeah?” Marie interrupted from the passenger side. She turned to look between the two of them. “We're all on edge, alright? But it's almost 10:30 so let's get our shit together before Andre shows up, okay?” 

“Fine.”

“Fine.” 

Jordan and Emma mutter in unison. Jordan stops their tapping and Emma leans back against the window and takes a breath.

Marie reaches over and gently places a hand on Jordan's knee, looking into their eyes once she has their attention. “Hey, it is going to be alright, you know.”

Jordan sighs and nods their head. “Yeah, I know. I'm just… I don't know.” They shake off the thought of how they really feel about this situation. Facing someone they considered a close friend, the third close friend that they would lose within the past year. It was just too much and they really didn't want to think about it. 

Marie nods understandingly. “It's okay. I get it. Just remember, you're not doing this alone. Emma and I are right here, and we're all in this together.”

Jordan looks forward, biting their lip a bit to hold back a smile. But they couldn't help the small breathy laugh that escaped.

Marie gives them a confused look, “What?” she asks, curiously.

“It's nothing, really. Just- just ignore me.” Jordan says, still trying to hold their laughs in.

“No, tell me! Come on, why are you laughing?” She nudges them lightly. “Was it my speech?” 

Jordan clears their throat in attempts to recompose themselves, looking back at Marie. “No, your speech was great, babe! Very comforting. It's just…” another chuckle escapes as Jordan explains themselves. “You said “We're all in this together” and all I could think about was fucking High School Musical.” A smile makes its way onto Jordan's face. “I was laughing at myself, okay? Not you.”

“Dude! I fucking LOVED High School Musical as a kid! That was my shit!” Emma exclaims from the back seat, leaning forward to be included in the conversation.

Marie can't help the smile that makes it onto her face, mirroring Jordan's. Hell, seeing Jordan's smile always made her want to smile just as big. She lets out a chuckle. “It was kinda silly, wasn't it.”

“Maybe a little bit.” Jordan answers, glad Marie was laughing along now. “It did help break the tension.” 

“Seriously guys, when are we doing a High School Musical marathon? We need to do one!” Emma pleaded, but they were all interrupted when a pair of headlights appeared in front of them.

As the lights turned off they finally recognized the car in front of them as Andres. Everyone went silent, the previously light atmosphere now replaced with the same tension from before. Jordan shifted to their male form before taking a deep breath.

They watch as Andre steps out of the black Audi R8 convertible. Once out, he raises his hands to show that he means no harm. Marie looks back to the others in the car. “We ready?”

“As ready as I can be.” Emma replied.

Jordan nods, eyes still looking at and around Andre to make sure he was really alone. “Here goes fucking nothing.” They say, opening the car door and stepping out, Marie and Emma following after.

“You alone?” Jordan asks as they scan the area. 

“As alone as I can be.” Andre responds with a shrug. 

Jordan just stares at Andre, making it clear that they weren't here to fuck around. “Yeah, I'm alone.” Andre says, dropping the sarcastic tone. 

Jordan glances over at Marie, who nods her head, confirming that Andre was telling the truth. The three friends stand side by side, facing Andre who's standing in front of his car. “You care to explain why you fucking betrayed us?” Jordan blurted out, disdain clear in their voice. 

Marie turns to look at them, placing a hand on their shoulder. “Hey, we said we'd leave the accusations for after he explains himself.” Marie mutters.

“No, it's fine Marie. I get it. I will explain myself and hopefully you guys can understand that I did this for you.” Andre voiced. Jordan scoffs, shaking their head, but opting to listen to Marie and remain silent. 

Marie takes her eyes off of Jordan and looks to Andre. “Just explain what happened, Andre.” Marie spoke, clearly tired of the conflict. She just wants to know why Andre did what they did. There was no taking it back at this point, and she was really hoping she wouldn't be losing a friend here.

Andre clears his throat and prepares to tell his side of the story. “A few months ago I was visiting my dad, and as I was leaving a woman came up to me and told me that Ashley Barrett wanted to talk to me. And of course I was fucking shocked, cause why the hell would the CEO of Vought want to talk to me? After months of visiting my dad there, no one bothered me- no one bothered us, and I didn't know what to do so I said no.” Andre takes a breath, running a hand over his hair. “But then, she mentioned how apparently, Ashley was the one paying to keep my dad alive this whole time.”

Andre looks away, wringing his hands together, nervously. He clears his throat again to distract from the emotion rising in his chest. “They said they could've, and probably should've pulled the plug by now. But Ashley kept him plugged in, and even paid a whole fucking team of scientists to find a cure for this thing.” Andre gestures to his head. 

“Fuck… that sucks.” Emma comments, earning a small chuckle from Andre. 

“Yeah, it fucking does.” Andres eyes are watery, his voice rough from the knot in his throat. 

“So is that why you did it? They're holding your dad over your head as leverage?” Marie asks. Just the idea of Vought doing something like that to Andre pisses her off. 

“Not exactly. When I went up to talk with Ashley she mentioned that my dad's most likely not gonna make it. ‘He's too far gone’ “ Andre said with air quotes. “But by keeping him alive, they could hopefully figure out a cure for me.” Andre explained.

“So it is all about you then? You agreed to join The Seven just so you could use your powers again? And you're not even sure if they'll actually find a way to cure your fucked up head!” Jordan accused, switching into their female form. 

“That's not the only reason! I'm doing this for us. You think I wanna be in The Seven?” Andre retorts.

“Oh, what a fucking sacrifice!” Jordan shouts back. They take a step forward, Andre mirroring the move, and both Emma and Marie go to pull Jordan back.

“How about we don't fight in the middle of a fucking parking lot?” Emma notes as she and Marie make sure there's distance between Jordan and Andre. 

“Yeah, how about we talk like adults instead of fighting like fucking children?” Marie adds. 

Jordan and Andre stare at each other for a moment before relenting. They both take a breath, Andre avoiding eye contact as Jordan continues to glare at them. “Finish the damn story, Andre.” Marie mutters tiredly.

Andre straightens himself out, and continues talking. “Long story short, I talked with Ashley, and she was really fucking weird and intense. She said if I joined The Seven, then Vought would keep leaving you guys alone, so I fucking agreed, okay? Cause yeah, Jordan, it's not that bad of a sacrifice. It's a good deal. I just have to look pretty for Vought and you guys get to live your fucking lives!” Andre exclaimed, leaving the group in a relative silence for a few seconds. 

Jordan continues to stare at Andre, listening to his every word. They didn't know what to think. They hated Andre for folding so easily, walking back into that world like they never left. They also understood wanting to keep Vought out of the others' lives. Marie and Emma especially had bright futures ahead of them that could all come tumbling down if Vought wanted it to. But for the Tenth time in their life, they felt abandoned, left behind to deal with the pain while the others got to move on. 

Jordan felt tears start to prick up but forced them back as they switched back to their male form. “We didn't ask you to do that! You just agreed on the spot and didn't even think about how we would feel about it! I mean, what did you expect from us? After you told your sad little story about how your dad's dying, and now you have to do what you've been trained to do your whole fucking life; being Vought's little bitch!” Everyone looked at Jordan, shocked at their outburst, but Jordan wasn't done. 

They stepped closer to Andre, Marie and Emma throwing themselves in between Jordan and Andre. Marie tried pushing Jordan back, but she might as well be pushing against a brick wall. “What did you expect, huh? You want us to feel bad for you? Say thank you? Thank you, Andre, thanks so much for signing a fucking million dollar contract with a corrupt business, to run around and play fucking hero!” 

“Jordan, stop! Blowing up isn't gonna fix anything!” Marie pleaded, still standing in their way as they continued to walk towards Andre. 

Andre just shook their head, “Nah, you know what? Fuck this. This was clearly a mistake.” Andre turned around and began to walk back to their car. 

Jordan scoffed, “Of course you give up already. Just walking away like a fucking coward! Is this not worth fighting for, Andre? Too fucking difficult for you?” Jordan shouts as Andre makes it to their car door, unlocking the vehicle. 

Andre just bites their tongue. They know there's no winning with Jordan when they're this upset. Maybe they can try again later. 

“I thought we were friends!” Jordan yelled out, eyes watering as their emotions got to them. They wouldn't admit it, but they didn't want Andre to walk away. Basically pleading for him to stay even though they were berating him. 

Andre stops just as they were about to climb into the car. He looks up at Jordan, tears present on his face. He shuts the car door, pocketing the keys and walking over to Jordan, standing a couple feet in front of them. “We are friends, Jordan.” Andre states. 

“Friends don't do this, Andre! They don't abandon you!-” Jordan shouts but is interrupted by Andre. 

“I'm not abandoning you!” Andre declared. 

“Yes you fucking are! You're leaving me behind just like everyone else did!” Tears begin to fall down Jordan's face. Emma and Marie look at each other and silently agree to step back and let the two friends work through their stuff. 

Jordan runs their sleeve across their face, trying to erase the tears, but they keep falling. They clear their throat, attempting to loosen the knot that formed. “You know, when I first met you in my freshman year, I thought you were just another stuck up rich kid that didn't actually give a shit about school, and was just there to fuck around and party. And I was right.” Jordan takes a breath, looking Andre in the eyes. “But you were also the first person to not give a shit about the whole bigender thing. Even before Brink. You were the first person to not give a shit that I was a guy sometimes and a girl at other times.” 

Andre slowly nods as they recall first meeting Jordan, which felt like fucking ages ago at this point. More tears began to stream down his face. “You introduced me to Luke and Cate, taught me how to properly party, and humored me when I'd ramble off on whatever bullshit was happening. You were my first real friend Andre… So why?” Their voice broke as they spoke to Andre. 

Jordan's face was wet with tears, and raw with emotion as they stared back at Andre. “Why didn't you come to me? Why did you just walk away, right into their arms like it was easy? Why didn't you fight harder?” Jordan pleaded, their voice breathy and broken, just above a whisper. 

Andre shakes their head, wiping some tears away and shrugging his shoulders. “I don't know. It seemed like the right thing to do. My dad's dying and I don’t know what I'm gonna do once he does.” Andre couldn't help but laugh at his situation. The laugh was so misplaced, you would have thought he was losing it. “You're right, Jordan, I have nothing going on for me! My whole life, everything I was taught, was to prepare me for this. All I'm good for is running around, playing superhero, and smiling at the camera, so that's what I'm doing! Me being Voughts bitch was inevitable, I thought the least I could do was spare you guys the same fate.” Andre was so tired from their rant, the tears and shouting taking a toll on them.

Jordan looked at Andre, trying to process what they said. They didn't know if there was anything they could say at this point. They didn't feel satisfied with their answers, but they realized if they threw out more words, they'd just be going in circles, the point getting lost in the chaos. So they surrender… 

“Okay.” Jordan nods, accepting his answer. They turn around before Andre can say anything, and walk away. They've fought hard enough.

Jordan goes to open the driver's side door, but Marie stops their movements with a gentle hand on the shoulder. “Is it okay if I drive back?” She speaks softly.

As if they lost all the fight in them, they nod and walk over to the passenger side. They shift into their female form as they climb in, buckling their seat belt and leaning their head against the window. Emma climbs into the back and Marie gets into the driver's seat. She glanced over at Jordan, then back towards Emma, who just shrugs tiredly at her. Marie looks forward, starts the car, and drives off.

--

That was a fun chapter to write, honestly. Big thanks to @paperdoll201 💜 as always for reading it over and giving very helpful feedback. Tears were shed, lol. But yeah, big thanks to everyone who has read this far. I have one more fully written chapter left that I will post next Saturday. After that, it's guesswork for when the next chapter comes. But yeah, I'll keep you all updated ofc. Thanks for reading!!

Much love, 😎👍❤️

-PB

[mllemaenad]

Hi- I might've sent this already, sorry, I don't remember, but do you think there's an in-universe explanation for the difference in slavery between the Capital Wasteland and Commonwealth? In the Commonwealth, the only major slaving operation is the Institute - the Gunners try to buy Billy in Kid in a Fridge, but that's the only non-Institute example I can really think of in the present day. In the Capital Wasteland, slaving is rife, with a number of different factions involved in the trade.

Hm. Well, for a start, it is unfortunately true that the Commonwealth is the exception to the rule here, rather than the Capital Wasteland. Slavery is rife in the post-war world. It's true that the NCR outlawed it ... but the point is that they kind of had to outlaw it. There's so much slavery in California, particularly in Fallout 2. And it's not just dickhead raiders in shanty towns. Vault City, a technologically advanced settlement built around an opened control-group Vault with access to a GECK, relies quite heavily on slavery.

The Capital Wasteland is a bit of an oddity, if you only look at the base game. The area is very depopulated, due to a combination of very bad water (and the minimal agriculture as a flow on effect from that) and the rampant super mutant attacks (which in turn have led to destabilised populations turning to raiding, further reducing the population). It's a fucking mess out there.

Ridegefield, Rockopolis and Grayditch are just gone. Big Town is hanging on by its fingernails. Arefu is bleeding people, even before the "vampire" attacks. And yet, there sits Paradise Falls – definitely one of the largest and most prosperous settlements in the region – and its income relies almost entirely on the slave trade.

We do meet a small number of slaves, or former slaves, in the game, but not really enough to justify the success of Paradise Falls. And it does not seem to be hugely popular in the area – it's more that no one has the people or resources to stop it. Flak had to "sell out" the slavers for residency in Rivet City:

Flak used to be one of us. Thinks he can make a new life in Rivet City. He's sold us out on more than one occasion. It's time for retribution. – Grouse dialogue, Fallout 3

So Rivet City is hostile to the slavers ... but we also know that Sister has infiltrated Rivet City on behalf of the slavers, and so far, they haven't discovered him or kicked him out, even though he is a giant pain in the arse in every way possible.

Moriarty and Ahzrukhal both engage in debt slavery and will engage in a bunch of verbal gymnastics to deny that they have enslaved anyone at all. They get away with it because no one will stand up and deal with them ... but their attitudes are not considered acceptable by the general populace. Moriarty believes that revealing Doc Church's past with the slavers would get him run out of town and could therefore be good blackmail material.

Church thinks he such a freakin' badass. Everybody runs to him if they get a damn wood splinter and he just laps up their caps like a drunk downing alcohol. If people only knew he used to be a medic for the slavers at Paradise Falls, they'd run his sorry ass right out of town. But I think I'll keep that little nugget tucked away for later use. – Moriarty's Terminal, Fallout 3

There really doesn't seem to be much appetite in the Capital Wasteland for slavery, and while the slavers have always existed their prosperity is new.

The most dangerous dump in the Capital Wasteland. The Slavers there would have bought and sold anything with a pulse. They still will, from what I hear. Back in my day, they were more disorganized, though. Their leader was a guy named Harmon Jurley, a psychotic son of a bitch who was rumored to eat the slaves he couldn't sell. – Herbert (Daring) Dashwood's Terminal, Fallout 3

Now: there's an answer to that question. And the reason I'm dancing around it is because I don't think you've taken Maris out to the Pitt, yet? There are answers there, but I'd be spoiling the plot for you. So ... light, context free response: the slavers in Paradise Falls have been doing so well over the last couple of decades because there's a buyer outside the Capital Wasteland. Most enslaved people are exported out.

Over in the Commonwealth, they have similar problems – though for very different reasons. The water situation appears to be better. Obviously it still needs purifying, but it's more usable than anything in the Capital Wasteland. They are capable of farming and you can set up farms as you play. But the chaos in the region means those never really prosper. And, like the Capital Wasteland, they are subject to super mutant attacks. They also don't really have the population to support a major slave trading operation.

So one simple reason there's little slavery in the Commonwealth might be that there aren't enough people, or enough farms or factories, to support it and unlike the Capital Wasteland there's no one on the outside supporting the trade.

But I do think there are a couple more elements. The first would be The Institute itself. While the situation in the Capital Wasteland is bad, it isn't until the arrival of the Enclave that they're being actively oppressed – clearly neither branch of the Brotherhood has the resources to hold more than a few blocks of territory at a time so they're not doing it. Their problems are largely environmental in nature.

We do know that the Institute has been destabilising the Commonwealth for many years. The Commonwealth Provisional Government lasted about ten seconds before they wiped it out. They are largely agnostic on the question of good and evil here: they oppose the Brotherhood, they oppose the Minutemen, they oppose the Railroad. They oppose anyone who might be able to organise against them enough to interfere with their bullshit experiments.

And while appalling, a large scale slave trade would require ... organisation. You'd need the manpower to capture people; the means to feed and house them (however minimally) before they were sold; the means to prevent people from escaping or from being rescued or "stolen"; you'd need to be able to transport people across long distances; you'd need all of the logistics that come with running any other business. And in the context of the Commonwealth, their interests would be in conflict with the Institute's: both would want to kidnap and use people. They'd be encroaching.

In the context of Fallout 3, Paradise Falls is that organised. They've got big, strong walls. They have exploding collars and the "mesmetron". They've got traders and doctors inside the compound. You can encounter slaver patrols as random encounters, so you can see them on the hunt. It's quite gross to write this but ... okay, yes, the slavers do seem to more or less have their shit together here.

It's hard to imagine the Institute even allowing something like that to get off the ground. To them, a functional, organised slaver organisation would likely be as threatening as the Minutemen. So there isn't one.

The other thing is ... well, the attitude to strangers in the Commonwealth. Everyone is afraid of secret synths. They're afraid of their friends and family members being replaced, but there at least they might be able to recognise the change. Any stranger might be a synth, and there would be no way to know. I'm sure there are terrible people in the Commonwealth who would buy slaves. But there's an element of risk, here, that such a person might be an Institute spy. And while it has nothing to do with slavery we know that's not unfounded: you can occasionally get hostile synths in your own settlement system. So "Hey, do you want to bring a bunch of strangers back to your house?" is probably a more unnerving question in the Commonwealth.

That said, I think there is probably a bit more going on than just Billy and the gunners. It's not uncommon to get a kidnapping and ransom mission from your settlements. Obviously they threaten to kill the victim if not paid ... but I mean it's clear here their objective is money. Kidnapping people from families who obviously cannot pay and then killing the victim is going to be a resource drain with no upside. So I tend to think some of those victims might ... not have been killed. Because the raiders want someone to pay and anyone will do.

So, yeah: it doesn't really make a lot of sense for either the Commonwealth or the Capital Wasteland to have a prosperous slave trade, but the Capital Wasteland is very much supported by an outside market. And in the Commonwealth there is no such group. Moreover, the Institute is not keen on organisation regardless of the form it takes, and the fear of synth infiltration probably keeps demand low.

So – there likely is some slavery going on in the Commonwealth, but it's small scale and disorganised. Just raiders kidnapping and selling when they get the chance. In the Capital Wasteland ... the presence of their buyer gives them the resources to grow.