#//I'm so sick of running as fast as I can wondering if I'd get there quicker if I was a man...Emerie Merewen {Threads}

[inn0cencestrained]

tag dump 4

[pinkhysteria]

and yes i'm still here because they set my sister up BAD! they said we're getting a male winner whether we like it or nawt!

they might as well skip the veto, give matt or jag that lil necklace, and let america go see cory <3

[breakbleheavens]

I'm so sick of running as fast as I can Wondering if I'd get there quicker If I was a man

THE MAN The Eras Tour — Buenos Aires, Argentina (Night 1) | November 9, 2023

[notmorbid]

the berry pickers.

dialogue prompts from the berry pickers by amanda peters.

dying is something we have to do alone.

i want to be my full self for you.

whatever makes you happy makes me happy, too.

i'm not sure what's true and what's not anymore.

you never know when you might need kindness from people.

you see anything strange around here?

age brings all sorts of fears.

i think i've always known something was out of place.

you'll grow out of it. you'll forget.

sometimes i wonder if you have any sense at all.

don't worry. they can't hear us.

your only job right now is to be a kid.

when no one's looking, you can be a sweetheart.

it's funny how old you think your parents are, when you're a child.

stop trying to grow up so fast.

there are things more important in this world than taking credit.

there was love, but none of us knew what to do with it.

don't pretend you didn't hear me.

i will try my damnedest not to be sad.

it's hard, looking for someone who can't be found.

you never know what your last words to someone are gonna be.

words are powerful and funny things, said or unsaid.

some people are meant to read great works, and others are meant to write them.

you do love me, after all.

you're jealous. i need you to admit it.

i did what i thought was best: i left.

you seem taller, somehow.

hope is such a wonderful thing, until it isn't.

i never blamed you.

it's not your fault. it just happens, sometimes.

i guess i assumed i'd just wake up one day and everything would be normal again.

i've done my grieving. i can't do it anymore.

some wounds never close, never scar.

i just want to get away. you choose where.

make sure you write everything down, the good and the bad. but mostly the good.

what ghosts haunt your dreams?

are you going home, or leaving home?

sometimes i forget that you're hurting, too.

swearing can make you feel better.

anything you want to tell me?

there's something to be said for salt air.

i love you. i'm sorry i've been so far away.

i've never felt worse. i need you to know that.

i assume the universe knows what it's doing.

getting better isn't easy.

i was convinced the pain would haunt me for the rest of my life.

i was determined to let my pain and anger ruin me.

you like to find fault with everyone but your own self.

you have no right to hold onto that guilt all by yourself.

i'm sick of tiptoeing around you like you're going to break.

don't be sorry. be useful.

i've never been much of a talker.

it's not fair to be young and weak. there's no fairness to it at all.

prejudice runs deep and offers no apologies, in small towns.

you can't stay mad at me.

i didn't sleep because i was worried about you, asshole.

maybe i'm just one of those people who are only happy when they aren't.

it's not that i don't remember. it's that i don't want to.

why do you always assume you're on your own?

i remember. i didn't think you did.

people are always saying nice things about the dead, especially when their family is in the room.

sometimes a lie becomes so entrenched, it becomes the truth.

you never deserved anything i did to you.

the only person i have a right to be angry with is myself.

it wasn't because i didn't love you.

you know of any work i could get around here?

i wonder, sometimes, what i did to deserve it.

you got a story?

you seem too young to have a story of any interest.

something is making you all dark and moody.

what are you doing out here? there's a storm coming.

i don't go giving my name out to every stranger i meet.

people seem to need to get away from me.

own your mistakes. make amends and move on.

you feel things too quick and too heavy. you need to let things go, sometimes.

i'm here. it was just a dream.

i kind of hoped i would die before i had to tell you this.

i wanted to hate you, but i couldn't.

anger and sadness are just two different sides of the same coin.

time is never a friend to the sick or the old.

i don't like to see people i might know.

how are you still alive?

the lord must keep me around to amuse himself.

where is home, for you?

what's at home that's got you afraid to be there?

the only misery you're causing is your own.

i'll be honest, because i don't know how else to be.

don't worry. i'll remember for you.

i ruined myself all by myself.

i prayed you would come home to us.

what on earth have you got to be sorry for?

tell me about ___. if it's okay.

lost souls have to find their own way home.

i don't think i've ever laughed that hard in my life.

[screamingcrows]

🎲 hehe

You rolled 41! A kiss out of spite is coming right up (also I lied; I ended up going with neither Dottore nor Albedo) but a secret third option)

Alhaitham knew it was his fault you were currently huffing and puffing in frustration, angrily collecting scattered papers and books, snapping them shut with no care for placing a bookmark first. You had been prone to such harmless, if petty, ploys of revenge since he'd first met you.

Admittedly, your shared space had begun resembling the aftermath of an exam season, something neither of you had needed to stress about for years. When he shifted slightly in the couch it didn't go unnoticed, and his stomach churned at the scowl on your face. He hated this just as much as you, but there was nothing to be done really.

"I said I'd tidy up once I was finished working," he attempted to pacify, making his voice as neutral as possible.

"Not everything can be pushed around based on your schedule," you snapped at him, voice shaking slightly.

So this was about more than just the clutter then. Gently closing the book in his hand, Alhaitham considered how to proceed, letting his eyes drift towards your face. For a moment, he wondered if spring had finally set in before realising with a bleeding heart that your eyes were red for an entirely different reason.

You were evidently upset, holding his stare with a passion that was rare. It clicked into place far sooner than he'd have liked, he'd been horrible, hadn't he?

"I-.. I haven't been fair to you these past few weeks. This was precisely what I've wanted to avoid, and I'm sorry for not noticing sooner," he stood up as he spoke, hating the way you stepped back, placing a broom between the two of you. Another barrier.

"I've barely spoken to you since you became the Acting Grand Sage, barely even seen you, and- and I thought today would be different. I got so excited that you stayed home 'haitham, I cleared my damned schedule to stay with you,"

He took a deep breath, knowing now would be a bad time to point out that he'd never made any indication that he would have any free time today. That wasn't a conversation either of you needed right now. Before he could reply, you already made a verbal lunge.

"There's no partnership in this, and I'm sick and tired of doing everything without so much as a single acknowledgement from you and-"

"Sit."

"What? No."

Alhaitham did what he could to stop his hands from trembling when he reached out and pried the broom from you, immediately regretting having let it clatter to the ground, the sound doing nothing to break the tension.

With a gentle shove he gets you to sit, taking a spot beside you, hand firmly wrapped around yours, heart beating heavy in his chest at the thought of having been so blinded.

"The day isn't over, my work can wait. We could go for a picnic, it shouldn't be too warm and we have leftovers to bring. I can go to the bazaar and get fruit while you get ready," his mind was running as fast as possible, voice struggling to keep up.

"I don't want it to be forced, and that's exactly what you're doing right now."

His eyes widened slightly, struck by lightning when you pulled your hand from his.

"Tomorrow then, the entire day?"

He saw how your eyes narrowed, which only made the surge of relief when you yanked his earpiece to the side and kissed his ear that much greater. You were still scowling, arms crossed in front of your chest, but most likely it was for show now.

"Three more weeks and I'm back to lazing around as much as you want. And ah-," he cleared hos throat sheepishly, "handling my own clutter in a more timely manner."

[n03m1blog]

we have to start with lily and james alone because they are a sort of enemies to lovers trope

the man

Lily is simply the major girl boss because she is so sick of looking at men that lift up exaggeratedly themselves and she hates JAMES POTTER the most, between all the guys in hogwarts

and listening to his "fanclub" it's exhausting!!

also, Lily is a muggleborn so the fact that still today is remembered as one of the greatest witches

tells everything alone, she WORKED HARD

"When everyone believes ya

What's that like?"

"I'm so sick of running as fast as I can

Wondering if I'd get there quicker

If I was a man"

you need to calm down

James just thinks that she is such a loud lady AND he doesn't understand her like AT ALL

crazy lady... kinda attractive, but still

actually, he admires how stubborn she is in every argument so he is starting to let her win (that's what he said but we know that lily is just more determined)

"You just need to take several seats and then try to restore the peace

And control your urges to scream about all the people you hate"

i forgot that you existed

James starts to make advance to her, ha has eyes on ly for her

and Lily it's just there ignoring him because he is a jerk

"I forgot that you existed

I did, I did, I did

It isn't hate, it's just indifference

It isn't love, it isn't hate

It's just indifference"

death by a thousand cuts

James does not accept it and he KNOWS that one day she will his and he will make her lose her self-control

maybe, the others are right, not today

being a people pleaser and having feelings for someone that despises you it's hard yk?

"I get drunk, but it's not enough

'Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby"

and james is just thinking about those last years coming out all together and how he thought that they were kinda of sharing something, but no lily is not into him, isn't she?

cruel summer

that summer by the sea, they spent the night together in a tend

everyone thought they were intimate but they are a slow burn guys

Lily was falling for him and it was a matter of time

how could she let it happen?!?!?!

JAMES?!?!!?

" And I screamed for whatever it's worth

"I love you, " ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

He looks up grinning like a devil "

" It's new, the shape of your body

It's blue, the feeling I've got

And it's ooh, whoa, oh

It's a cruel summer "

daylight

James can't control his heart at all, he is all hers

and he can see it now, she is AT LEAST seeing it too

"it's brighter now, now"

"i once belived that love would be burning red but it's golden"

the way the sun lights up his face, his body, his whole skin, his smile Lily is just staring the scene

\"i wanna be defined by the things that i love,

not the things i hate,

not the things that i'm afraid of,

not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night,

i just think that you are what you love"\

\and this is about how they see life the same way, i like to think that THIS is what they talked about in that tend all night long\

it's nice to have a friend

so they are starting as friends

"Wanna hang out?"

Yeah, sounds like fun

Twenty questions, we tell the truth

You've been stressed out lately? Yeah, me too

Something gave you the nerve

To touch my hand

Lily is telling herself "It's nice to have a friend" because it's insane thinking about MARRYING HIM lol

i think he knows

Lily fell.

"He got my heartbeat

Skipping down 16th Avenue

Got that, oh! I mean

Wanna see what's under that attitude"

"He got that boyish look that I like in a man

I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans

He's so obsessed with me, and boy I understand

Boy I understand"

James is all full of himself but she wants more, she is ready.

london boy

just little things about James told to us by Lily

"But something happened, I heard him laughing

I saw the dimples first and then I heard the accent

They say home is where the heart is

But that's not where mine lives"

SOMETHING HAPPENED!

me!

please, they are telling each other that they are soulmates.

James' "I know I tend to make it about me

I know you never get just what you see

But I will never bore you, baby"

to Lily's "And when we had that fight out in the rain

You ran after me and called my name

I never wanna see you walk away"

lover

these promises as they are getting married.

the song sings alone, they are both LOVER by taylor

miss americana & the heartbreak prince

they are a powerful couple in hogwarts you either hate them or envy them

you love them only if you know them

they are very bossy and they DO have a perfect attitude so if you are jealous of them it's understandable

and if you spread voices about them, you can't break THE couple.

she is a bad girl because every girl wants to be her and he is the heartbreak prince because he is would give everything for her <3

paper rings

James proposing in the best way possible

he would like to give her a BIG DIAMOND and a PERFECT MARRIAGE if she would just say so

or marry her rn!

such a romantic man our james

the archer

James has joined the order.

"combat, i'm ready for combat"

"I've been the archer

I've been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling?

But who could stay?"

"They see right through me"

James is such a good and brave boy but is he really ready to give his life?

his dad would do it so he should

he is a potter

he has to protect everyone, so he should.

and now he is trying to explain the situation to Lily.

"Who could stay?

Who could stay?

Who could stay?

You could stay

You could stay

You"

and Lily would never leave James alone even if she is pregnant.

"Combat, I'm ready for combat" she said to him.

false god

the war gives only sadness and doubts.

they were both exhausted but they never stopped loving each other, even tough it was a hopeless situation

the prophecy said that their baby is in terrible danger, harry will be the one to destroy voldemort...

they are all in danger but they will defend their baby with their life if they'll have to.

afterglow

again, as i said, they were always so tense

they just love eachother SO MUCH and don't want to be apart...

"meet me in the afterglow"

= meet me in the afterlife

(i'm sorry, it is just fitted sooo well <3)

soon you'll get better

Lily's love saved Harry and this song is just her singing to her little baby that everything will get better

harry had always such a hard life because he is the chosen one

and Lily had never stopped protecting his child

cornelia street

Harry walking trough Godric's Hollow for the first time

but it was so traumatic staying there that christmas that maybe he will never go there again

it is so unfair that he has no memory of his parents because he was only one, so he is imagining a life with them, a life where he didn't lose them

p.s. we actually don't know so...

i hope you'll enjoy it

love,

noemi

[uselesslexbian]

eras tour setlist sentence starters, part one.

you know i adore you.

it's you and me, that's my whole world.

you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.

you are the only one who seems to care.

what doesn't kill me makes me want you more.

if i bleed, you'll be the last to know.

i don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you.

i love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

i'm so sick of them coming at me again.

i'm so sick of running as fast as i can.

you need to calm down.

can i go where you go?

can we always be this close?

i'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you.

i've loved you three summers now, but i want them all.

who could ever leave me, darling?

but who could stay?

i cut off my nose just to spite my face and i hate my reflection for years and years.

they see right through me.

can you see right through me?

i'm trying so hard not to get caught up now.

she'll never know your story like i do.

you belong with me.

you say you're fine, i know you better than that.

take me somewhere we can be alone.

all there's left to do is run.

i got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around.

this love is difficult, but it's real.

don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess.

i keep waiting for you, but you never come.

is this in my head? i don't know what to think.

if i wanted to know who you were hanging with while i was gone, i would've asked you.

the road not taken looks real good now, and it always leads to you.

i'm begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans.

wait for the signal and i'll meet you after dark.

i guess i should've known from that look on your face.

if i didn't know better, i'd think you were still around.

what died didn't stay dead.

i never was ready so i watched you go.

what a shame she's fucked in the head.

i notice everything you do or don't do.

if it's all in my head, tell me now.

tell me i got it wrong somehow.

in the middle of the night, in my dreams, you should see the things we do.

i know i'm gonna be with you, so i'll take my time.

my reputation's never been worse so you must like me for me.

is it cool that i said all that?

is it chill that you're in my head?

i'm insane, but i'm your baby.

baby, for you, i would fall from grace just to touch your face.

if you walk away, i'd beg you on my knees to stay.

i don't like your little games.

no, i don't like you.

maybe i got mine, but you'll all get yours.

i'll spend forever wondering if you knew.

please don't be in love with someone else.

i had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.

everything will be alright if you keep me next to you.

i'm really gonna miss you picking fights.

a new notch in your belt is all i'll ever be.

and the saddest fear comes creeping in, that you never loved me.

you never loved me or her, or anyone, or anything.

i might be okay, but i'm not fine at all.

you taught me about your past, thinking your future was me.

you never called it what it was.

maybe we got lost in translation.

this thing was a masterpiece before you tore it all up.

i'm in a new hell every time you double-cross my mind.

the idea you had of me, who was she?

i'd like to be my old self again, but i'm still trying to find it.

'cause there we are again, when i loved you so, back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known.

just between us, did the love affair maim you too?

[taylorswiftandx]

Taylor Swift and Sports

Note: This post is for the name of a sport, so for example "swimming" appears here but "swam" does not. For "running," I limited what appears here to lyrics that could indicate physically running rather than "time is running out" for example.

'Taylor Swift'

(no sports)

'Fearless (Taylor's Version)'

Fifteen: But in your life, you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team

'Speak Now (Taylor's Version)'

Sparks Fly: You're the kind of reckless that should send me running

Mean: And I can see you years from now in a bar, talking over a football game

Innocent: Wasn't it beautiful, running wild 'til you fell asleep?

Long Live: We are the kings and the queens, you traded your baseball cap for a crown

'Red (Taylor's Version)'

All Too Well: Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

Stay Stay Stay: That's when you came in wearing a football helmet and said, "Okay, let's talk"

Starlight: We were seventeen and crazy, running wild, wild

The Very First Night: Not trying to fall in love, but we did like children running

'1989 (Taylor's Version)'

I Wish You Would: This mad, mad love makes you come running

"Slut!": Aquamarine, moonlit swimming pool, what if all I need is you?

Is It Over Now?: I think about jumping off of very tall somethings just to see you come running

Sweeter Than Fiction: You never saw it coming, slipped when you started running

Sweeter Than Fiction: They never saw it coming, you hit the ground running

'reputation'

…Ready For It?: Stealing hearts and running off and never saying sorry

Getaway Car: Well, he was running after us, I was screaming, "Go, go, go!"

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: Jump into the pool from the balcony, everyone swimming in a champagne sea

'Lover'

The Man: I'm so sick of running as fast as I can, wondering if I'd get there quicker if I was a man

Miss Americana And The Heartbreak Prince: Running through rose thorns, I saw the scoreboard and ran for my life

London Boy: You can find me in the pub, we are watching rugby with his school friends

Afterglow: Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves

'folklore'

The 1: I hit the ground running each night, I hit the Sunday matinee

Cardigan: Leaving like a father, running like water

'evermore'

Cowboy Like Me: And the tennis court was covered up with some tent-like thing

'Midnights'

Sweet Nothing: I found myself running home to your sweet nothings

You're Losing Me: Now you're running down the hallway

Other Songs written by Taylor

Carolina: Oh Carolina creeks running through my veins

Official Alternate Releases

(no sports)

[hsr-texts]

ik you guys were mostly talking abt ratio but man... sparkle is a whole another thing i was just so shocked when i played thru like what....

ppl can like her obvs but like u just cant defend the racism (both from her and ratio)

I'm dreading the scenes with her honestly because the white feminists defending Sparkle's racism and ableism is just... so bad. I just know the tiktok girlies are preparing to make videos that are like "People are asking for more complex female characters but they couldn't even handle Sparkle" with Taylor Swift's song that goes like "I'm so sick of running as fast as I can. Wonder if I'd get there quicker if I were a man" playing in the background. They always do this.

Twitter bitches are already saying that she's "misunderstood"

first of all, you actually CAN make female characters flawed without making them RACIST. Azula from ATLA is a villain but she's actually well written.

second, it's not a fucking girlboss move to be racist. These people are basically saying:

[sapphiclover-tv]

“I'm so sick of running as fast as I can, Wondering if I'd get there quicker if I was the man” - Taylor Swift, The Man

Anyone else feel like this fits 😤

[1800naveen]

"How dare Nesta let her little sister hunt!😡"

Dog, take that anger and direct it at the man who sat on his ass for years AKA Papa Archeron.

Nesta is a child, A CHILD. Yes, she is the oldest but she is also a child. It's not her responsibility to take care of her younger sisters while also being a child. Besides, Feyre went out there on her own terms, she wanted to hunt. Even if someone told her not to do it, she would still do it. I'm a younger sibling myself but if someone told me not to do something, I'm doing it anyway, kids are rebellious.

Nesta had to deal with her mother who took the thing she loves to do (dancing) and made it into a weapon. She had to deal with her abusive grandmother that told her that she's a waste of her time and worthless. Nesta didn't have the chance to have a normal childhood because the adults around her didn't let her. (Her dad doesn't count but he didn't do a lot for his daughters.)

"We need more complex female characters!" Nesta Archeron is right there in front of you but you can't handle her. You insult her and don't understand what she had to go through.

"She calls Emerie and Gwyn her sisters when she has her own sisters!" These women found comfort in each other and fought side by side, I'm calling them my sisters too. If Feyre called Mor and Amren her sisters, you wouldn't bat an eye.

"But she's mean and ungrateful!😭" NESTA ISN'T MEAN ENOUGH. Amren is a bitch to almost everyone but not one gives a damn. Mor drinks and parties just like Nesta but no one stops her, they demean Nesta for her ways of coping. They lock her up with the man she wanted to be away from in a dog shit way to 'help' her. Cassian laughed at her when she tried to go down the stairs.

How can Nesta Archeron be ungrateful when the world wasn't grateful to her?

*Cue The Man by Taylor Swift*

"I'm so sick of running as fast as I can. Wondering if I'd get there quicker if I was a man. And I'm so sick of them coming at me again. 'Cause if I was a man, then I'd be the man."

"What's it like to brag about raking in dollars and getting bitches and models. And it's all good if you're bad and it's okay if you're mad. If I was out flashing my dollars, I'd be a bitch, not a baller. They paint me out to be bad so it's okay that I'm mad."

[persephoneprice]

“I'm so sick of running as fast as I can

Wondering if I'd get there quicker if I was a man”

ginnee

inspired by @spiralling-thoughts doing one for otto!

i’ve been thinking about miss ginnee lately!! if anyone is reading this and has any thoughts on her (or otto!) let me know :)

[rosiehrs]

what 😭😭😭😭 when did A MAN come into the equation noooooo

I would be complex

I would be cool

They'd say I played the field before I found someone to commit to

And that would be ok

For me to do

Every conquest I had made would make me more of a boss to you

I'd be a fearless leader

I'd be an alpha type

When everyone believes ya

What's that like?

I'm so sick of running as fast as I can

Wondering if I'd get there quicker

If I was a man

And I'm so sick of them coming at me again

'Cause if I was a man

Then I'd be the man

I'd be the man

I'd be the man

They'd say I hustled

Put in the work

They wouldn't shake their heads and question how much of this I deserve

What I was wearing

If I was rude

Could all be separated from my good ideas and power moves?

And they would toast to me, oh

Let the players play

I'd be just like Leo

In Saint-Tropez

I'm so sick of running as fast as I can

Wondering if I'd get there quicker

If I was a man

And I'm so sick of them coming at me again

'Cause if I was a man

Then I'd be the man

I'd be the man

I'd be the man

What's it like to brag about

Raking in dollars

And getting bitches and models

And it's all good if you're bad

And it's okay if you're mad

If I was out flashing my dollars

I'd be a bitch, not a baller

They paint me out to be bad

So it's okay that I'm mad

I'm so sick of running as fast as I can

Wondering if I'd get there quicker if I was a man (you know that)

And I'm so sick of them coming at me again (coming at me again)

'Cause if I was a man (if I was a man)

Then I'd be the man (then I'd be the man)

I'm so sick of running as fast as I can (as fast as I can)

Wondering if I'd get there quicker if I was a man (hey)

And I'm so sick of them coming at me again (coming at me again)

'Cause if I was a man (if I was a man), then I'd be the man

I'd be the man

I'd be the man (oh)

I'd be the man (yeah)

I'd be the man (I'd be the man)

If I was a man

Then I'd be the man

[notmorbid]

demon copperhead, pt. 2.

dialogue prompts from demon copperhead by barbara kingsolver.

i was born to wish for more than i can have.

there's a shoe out there for every foot.

it's important to leave home and take a look around.

i could be very rich if i decide to extort.

i wonder how it would feel to like who you are.

old homecoming queens never die.

who died and left you boss?

sorry to say your secret is out.

i'm gonna see bad spray tans in my nightmares.

nobody rides you like you ride yourself.

i used to think i knew what hurt was.

i don't like owing anybody.

i didn't fully believe you'd come.

i've got a surprise for you later.

does some law say we all turn into our parents?

half of me is sorry. the other half isn't.

don't look for money to buy your life back.

before we were us, we weren't anything.

you look like a plaid pillow.

i thought i knew it all, in those days.

people find more ways to shut up their monsters than a bible has verses.

let's go steal a tree.

the tall weed gets cut.

a kid in my shoes takes what power they can find.

the moon went to bed already, so what's wrong with us?

i'm a horrible person. the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be.

you're too good for me. i don't deserve you.

it wasn't a secret, i just knew you wouldn't like it.

you use what you've got.

my stomach feels like i've been eating rusty nails.

some good's been known to come out of bad luck, if you face it head on.

where is the motherfucking compassion?

this is still your home, if you want to stay.

the adult in my life is me.

you look like you've seen the dead.

we were kids playing house.

come hang out any time. i could stand the company.

you have to quit being so nice to people.

i'm not one to shut any doors.

i cannot get the hang of living alone.

you should be as mad as i am.

do you want to sleep tonight, or do you want the truth?

they did this to us. you understand that, right?

of all the good people i know, you're probably the best one.

everybody needs to dump on somebody.

i've lived long enough to know that shit doesn't really bounce off.

kids aren't the problem. it's parents.

the only person you need to worry about is yourself.

i have my own honor.

part of being a mature person is knowing your skillset.

another week, another shitshow.

feel free to have a look around.

the support has to run both ways.

good people don't give up on the ones they love.

i've stayed alive so far by staying on my own feet.

i need you to wake up. sit up. we have to talk.

i love you. i would never, ever want to hurt you.

i want to draw your hands.

it's sunday. everyone's either in church or sleeping off their sins.

i want to kill you, but i'm not going to let you die.

are you testing me? or do you really not know?

if wishes were horses, we'd all have different shit to shovel.

a fallen hero shatters into more sharp pieces than you'd believe.

i thought i'd be better off without the fear.

there'll be no getting over this.

a selfish heart will keep you alive, at least.

a snake with venom is gonna bite.

going nowhere fast is a kind of juice.

trust the road, because nobody stays.

in the long run you're on the road with your ghosts. you're the ship, they're the bottle.

rehab is like being married to sickness in a lot of ways, really.

a good story doesn't just copy life, it pushes back on it.

you never were one to fall only halfway down the well, were you?

i let you go. it's what i had to do.

[diamondseaside]

i would be complex i would be cool they'd say i played the field before i found someone to commit to and that would be ok for me to do every conquest i had made would make me more of a boss to you i'd be a fearless leader i'd be an alpha type when everyone believes ya what's that like i'm so sick of running as fast as i can wondering if i'd get there quicker if i was a man and i'm so sick of them coming at me again 'cause if i was a man then i'd be the man i'd be the man i'd be the man they'd say i hustled put in the work they wouldn't shake their heads and question how much of this i deserve what i was wearing if i was rude could all be separated from my good ideas and power moves? and they would toast to me, oh let the players play i'd be just like leo in saint-tropez i'm so sick of running as fast as i can wondering if i'd get there quicker if i was a man and i'm so sick of them coming at me again 'cause if i was a man then i'd be the man i'd be the man i'd be the man what's it like to brag about raking in dollars and getting bitches and models and it's all good if you're bad and it's okay if you're mad if i was out flashing my dollars i'd be a bitch, not a baller they paint me out to be bad so it's okay that i'm mad i'm so sick of running as fast as i can wondering if i'd get there quicker if i was a man (you know that) and i'm so sick of them coming at me again (coming at me again) cause if i was a man (if i was a man) then i'd be the man (then i'd be the man) i'm so sick of running as fast as i can (as fast as i can) wondering if i'd get there quicker if i was a man and i'm so sick of them coming at me again (coming at me again) 'cause if i was a man (if i was a man), then i'd be the man i'd be the man i'd be the man (oh) i'd be the man (yeah) i'd be the man (i'd be the man) if i was a man then i'd be the man

[elisysd]

The Man – Taylor Swift

Masterlist - Previously - Next Chapter

I'm so sick of running as fast as I can Wondering if I'd get there quicker If I was a man

Her partner, David, was a douche. That was the only word that Lyanna could think of to describe him. He was an entitled prick. All day long he was making snarky remarks to her or other people there. Nothing seemed good enough for him, he always found a way to criticize something. But he was a good actor. She had to give him that. But still, what a shame to be this good and being completely rotten inside.

But she kept it professional. She was her usual self when it came to work: she preferred observing rather than talking the first times she was meeting new people. She was analyzing her environment. Later, she would be more involved in the movie making, trying to give her input on how scenes would look better for her character. But that was for another day.

Right now, she was tired, she was grumpy, she was hungry. She wanted to take a nice shower, put some comfy pajamas, and watch trashy reality show on Netflix. She knew that Charles invited her but she didn’t feel like seeing anyone tonight. She would disappoint him, for sure, but she would rather be on her own with her thoughts. Still, she decided to at least text him to let him know that he had not to wait for her. It was the least she could do.

Hey Charles. It’s Lyanna. I don’t feel well tonight. I have to cancel our F1/movie night. Sorry.

She discarded her phone on the side and hopped on the shower. After a very long and very hot one, she collapsed on her bed. She took her pillow and screamed inside. It always helped her. It was a nice way to let her emotions go in a healthy way, that was what her therapist said. And God knows that she hadn’t always managed her feelings very well. She turned and looked at the ceiling of her room. She let her thoughts replaying her day. A part of her was excited to start filming, as usual when she was on a new project. She knew it would be fun, she was one hundred percent confident in the team and the script. He co-star was the only downside of this project. She felt like she couldn’t trust him and more than that she knew it. She knew his type. Ready to do anything to succeed, including playing dirty. She had to be careful around him. But it was not her first time doing that, as sad as it was, it was something she was used to. Acting was a tough field. You have to be surrounded by people that you could trust and it was more complicated to find that it seemed.

She was startled to hear the doorbell ring. She was not expecting anyone but she instantly knew who it was. After all, she didn’t know a lot of people in Monaco. She could not say that she was pleased to see him. One thing she hated was when people decided to not respect her boundaries and today, Charles crossed one. So when she opened the door, she didn’t bother to hide her annoyance.

“What have you not understood in I have to cancel Charles?”

“I didn’t know what you like so I ordered Chinese and Italian, no one can go wrong with that? I brought my laptop. If your F1 initiation has to begin tonight, it will be with the best tutorial, the amazing movie Cars. Hope you never watched it.”

“Did you hear what I said or did you just decided to ignore it?”

“I heard you loud and clear and I decided to ignore you. Staying alone when we are brooding is not healthy.”

She massaged her temples and closed her eyes. This situation was giving her a headache.

“Charles, you’re nice and all but when I ask someone to give me space, I would like it to be respected, okay?”

A long silence followed. Charles was obviously very uncomfortable. He thought that she was just trying to find an excuse to not come and see him, he never thought that him coming to her was going to be so bad perceived. He cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry, I thought you were not completely serious with your text.”

“I was really serious.” She looked him dead in the eye.

“Still, if you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

She sighed again. He gaze fell on the delivery bag. She was so hungry, she hadn't eaten all day except for an apple and some cookies. But she had drunk a lot of coffee, which also explained the headache.

“If I let you stay, know that it is only because you brought food and I’m really hungry. But I don’t want to watch a movie, I’m not up for it.”

“We can do whatever you like.”

“Even if it’s eating in silence?”

“Even if it’s eating in silence.”

Three empty boxes of spring rolls and a bottle of wine later, they were both sated. Lyanna was laying on her couch, completely spaced out and Charles was on the floor, his back against the leather armchair, playing on his phone.

“What is your favorite place in the whole world? Beside Monaco of course.” Asked Lyanna out of the blue.

Charles took his time to answer her question.

“That’s tough. I love Asia. Singapore is definitely on the list. The city is amazing.”

“Never been there. I would love too, though.”

“Maybe one day, I could invite you to watch a race.”

She rubbed her eyes as she sat up.

“No offense, but that seems really boring.”

He laughed. Somehow, he expected that answer. Formula One could indeed be extremely boring, especially if you didn’t know about what was at stakes. There were obviously the results and the sports performance but politics and strategies were a huge part of the competition as well.

“My turn to ask you a question. What do you love to do when you’re not acting.”

“Baking. I have a sweet tooth. And I like the fact that when you bake, you have to be precise and patient. Not everything will be perfect the first times. It’s all about practicing and trying.”

Charles nodded thoughtfully.

“I know you said you didn’t want to talk about it, but I’m gonna ask anyway. What happened today that you decided to cancel our night?”

“You’re not gonna let it go, right?”

“I can be pretty persistent when I want to.”

She got up and fetched two glasses of water from her kitchen. She placed one on the coffee table and sat down on the floor beside Charles. She took a long sip of her drink before answering.

“I met my partner today. Long story short, he’s a dick. He’s already criticizing some things that the writers wrote in the script. he wants to modify so many things and I already know that working with him will be a nightmare. I’m dreading the first day of shooting. My job is my safe place, it’s where I’m feeling myself the most. Where I feel confident. I’m always careful with who I’m working with. Of course, it happened to me to not like castmates, but I never got the feeling that working would be awful. I could be wrong; he could be pleasant to work with. It’s just that my intuition tells me that it won’t be the case.”

“Can’t you talk to someone from the production about it?”

“And look like the pretentious, capricious starlet who thinks she is above everyone else? Because it is exactly what it will look like. As sad as it is, even if I built a name for myself, one slip up and everything will come tumbling down. I’m a woman, Charles. Hollywood can say whatever it wants about being more inclusive to women and trying to protect them, it’s still a misogynistic machine.”

She emptied the rest of her glass in one gulp before continuing.

“And that’s without mentioning the press. I know it’s bad to judge someone without knowing them but David seems to be someone who would be ready to throw me under a bus if it could help his agenda.”

“What make you say that?”

“Experience. Sadly. I don’t want to risk anything to jeopardize the career of the people involved in this movie. That would not be fair. And if there’s bad press before the movie comes out it would impact everyone. I don’t want to feel responsible.”

“But don’t we say that bad press is still press?”

“Nobody wants to see a film in which it is known that the actors do not get along. It would serve bad marketing. Especially a romcom.”

“But it will also the case if there’s no chemistry between the protagonists, right? What are you going to do if you really can’t stand him. Won’t it be visible on camera?”

“That’s up to me to not show it. I know I’m good enough actress to be able to put on a show. See, that’s why I have a headache and didn’t want to talk about it.  This situation is messy and complicated and stressful. Enough about me, tell me something fun about you.”

“I drive at 220mph for a living but still scream when I sport a spider at my place. And I’m really afraid of snakes.”

Charles was pleased to see that this confession drew a slight laugh from her.

The rest of the evening passed without further reference to Lyanna's day. By tacit agreement, they had decided to keep the conversation fun and light. They shared funny stories about their lives and works and by the end of the night, when the moon was high in the sky and the stars were shining, Charles definitely had the feeling that he made a new friend. And it had been so long since he met someone that was not related to F1, that this thought made him happy.

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