#//;and i'm also pretty sure most people don't need to constantly remind themselves that most things aren't about them.

[scn-thedog]

pov me seeing anything vague: omg is that about me

[celtrist]

This was the piece that I had started before my extensive vacation (of coughing). Once again, Alastor is consistently the bane of my existence with his... well everything.

No matter! Anyway, this is something I like to call the Obsession AU. To sum it up real fast: Everyone is yandere for Alastor. I think it would just be apart of his punishment in Hell, being consistently forced into or desired in romantic/sex which he's never had much interest in. I would describe it as a dark comedy thing, but it can be as comedic or as dark as you want here. With that said, please be on guard with any mentions of darker content that treds towards a certain dead bird territory when I get a bit into how I imagine some of the characters. Again, it doesn't have to go that far if you're interested in this premise of an au and wanna focus on the more light hearted stuff, feel free.

This au is just poking a bit of fun at how everyone in the fandom wants to put Alastor in romantic situations constantly (whether it be with themselves or the other characters) despite Alastor probably being the least interested in the subject in the whole show. This is by no means a hate train or making fun of people who do enjoy shipping Alastor, it just more of a funny thing I think comes off as pretty ironic for his character and hopefully, others can enjoy that too. In this au he leans pretty much on the clear-cut side of aromantic and asexual with no interest in romantic affections at all. With that said, if you want to explore Alastor genuinely being interested in one of the other characters romantically or something similar, feel free to explore that! I can see some interesting dichotomies there. It's just within the actual "canon" of this au, he's not at all interested with that sort of thing. And just with a last final reminder to get into some character things I have in mind, some of the content mentioned does get pretty dark, particularly with Valentino but I don't think anyone's surprised there. But there might be some triggering content of the following mentioned here with characters but no crazy details really: Manipulation/Gaslighting, forced feminization, Non-con, Munchausen syndrome, Poisoning, Possessive, Drugging, Love bombing And I will be sure to give a quick warning to each character it might apply to, please feel free to let me know if I missed anything!

Rosie (Munchausen syndrome, Poisoning): Rosie has 100% poisoned Alastor before to make sure he relies on her. They started off as good friends but at some point Alastor began getting ill and Rosie offered to take care of him. This leads to Alastor staying in bed for full days, only really seeing Rosie who took care of his every need from food, clothing, washing, and so on. At some point, Alastor caught on that Rosie was putting something in his food to make him sick and he managed to escape with their friendship tarnished much to his dismay. He's often uneasy around Rosie but is upfront about his knowledge of Rosie's deeds. Rosie, in turn, acts like it is a lighthearted situation and often offers Alastor over for lunch, which he often denies. Any food he gets at his doorstep from a secret admirer or a lunchbox he finds at his seat in an overlord meeting goes straight into the trash. Alastor will still use Rosie's assets to his benefit of course, but is always careful as to what she might try to get in exchange. He has had more awkward lunches with her with his homemade meal versus the buffet she catered for the occasion, with the two gossiping like old times. Alastor is still uneasy during these times, but he also revels in the false pleasantries due to not having many others he's able to associate himself with due to the curse.

Lucifer (Controlling, Possessive, Manipulation): So I'm not 100% clear how I wanted to approach Lucifer. He and Charlie are probably the most similar I suppose? He wants Alastor as his queen (either alongside him and Lilith or only with him, he doesn't mind either way). He doesn't force him into dresses or anything, but Lucifer does consistently make doting moves and talks about how Alastor would make a good father to their children. Marriage is one of the mind and Lucifer probably gets a bit possessive with him. He also tries to guilt trip Alastor a lot, or manipulate situations in one of their arguments to get Alastor to say something he doesn't mean.

Charlie (Controlling, Possessive): Probably the most tame of everyone quite honestly. Charlie can be a bit controlling but does step off when Alastor expresses his dislike of her doing so, even if it takes a couple times. She likes doing things for him, is super affectionate, and daydreams about her, Vaggie, and Alastor all getting married. She can get pretty possessive with him, not being pleased when anybody does anything against Alastor's will or hurt him. The only exception to this rule is Vaggie, to which Charlie sees it like two cats getting along and finds it very endearing.

Vaggie (Forced Feminization, Controlling, Murder): Depending on how you look at it, Vaggie's one of the more fucked up obsessions or one of the more funnier ones. Because she's automatically inclined to like Alastor quite a bit with the curse thing but her personality doesn't jive with his for her own taste (in terms of their first meeting), she both hates and loves the guy. She's obsessed with trying to murder Alastor with traps around the hotel or outright standing over him with her spear. The hatred comes primarily from not wanting to feel the way she does about him, I guess like a fucked up tsundere if you wanna go that route. At the same token, however, she does want Alastor to be involved with both her and Charlie romantically. There's just one little problem: Vaggie has about the same amount of interest in men as she does in canon. So to sort of "fix" Alastor, she consistently tries to force him to be more feminine in clothing, offering different feminine names, and even trying to force him to get a sex change. Alastor is pretty slippery though, so it never quite works out in Vaggie's favor aside from the occasional dress or skirt being worn, which solidifies her attraction to him. Then he takes it off and looks more like a man again, and it solidifies her frustration/hatred for him.

Angel Dust (Drugging): To start, while I think Angel would love to have sex with Alastor, he 100% would not force it. Wouldn't even do touches or anything. Potentially he could just like as a coping (to be in a situation where HE'S the one in control), but that is a darker route that I don't think will be exactly true for this AU. However, he very much enjoys drugging Alastor similar to Rosie. Not only just as a bonding thing since Angel would also do the drugs WITH him, but just to get the not-quite-lucid compliments from Alastor and maybe a snuggle then and there. He wants to dote on Alastor with him drugged out in his bed saying nice things to Angel. Admittedly this one's a bit of a workshop as I just knew I didn't want Angel to be focused on sex like somebody, but wasn't sure what to do here.

Valentino(Non-con, LoveBombing): I mean... it is Valentino, what did you THINK he'd be trying to do with Alastor? There's really not much to say here, Valentino essentially tries pulling all the stops trying to get Alastor in bed while also love-bombing the hell out of him. Which really doesn't work. Valentino is pretty open with sharing Alastor, but again, does this surprise anyone? As long as he's participating in some way, he really doesn't mind.

Vox (ALL warnings): Pretty much the worst version of himself that people make him be sometimes for those darker stories in the fandom. While more interested in having an enthusiastic partner, I don't think Vox would be opposed to forcing himself onto Alastor. He consistently tries to manipulate and gaslight, while enjoying both the suffering and pleasure of Alastor. Much like Vaggie, Vox is obsessed both being in love with Alastor while also downright hating him to the core. He's possessive and likes the idea of being both sweet and heinous with Alastor. He pretty much is every other character wrapped up in one fucked up TV man. Vox acts the most well-adjusted of the characters here, but he's probably got the obsession the worst.

And of course, pretty much every other conceivable ship is up for grabs here. I did think about maybe unfallen angels are able to resist the obsession curse, which would possibly make a funny team-up of Alastor, Adam, Lute, and Emily. Alternatively, I thought maybe the other canonically asexual characters in the show wouldn't be affected instead, meaning another oddball team-up of Alastor, Octavia, and Mammon. Then there is of course the "nope, there's no escape for deer man". Not sure yet, maybe I'll workshop it. I have more normal things in the works rather than this messed up little au, but darker content is a guilty pleasure of mine.

[myopicry]

Hi hi! It's ya girrrlll

So I read your rant (delightful BTW, I'm a nosey hater at heart lol) and am here to ramble too! :3

Firstly though, I'm really sorry for the situation you're in and hope it gets better. I'm lucky enough to have an accepting family (my parents and sister at the very least) and to have recently moved to western Europe where it's pretty progressive(?) in terms of lgbt stuff (ignore the fascists and right wingers behind me trying to access the governments), but I can imagine how isolating your experiences might feel. Hang in there, there are better things in store, I'm sure!

Now for the rest of your rant, I found that you've raised some interesting points, notably about how amabs can easily take on the lesbian label while some afabs have yet to claim it for themselves due to the homophobia they mightve endured and amabs probably haven't thus far (they probably dealt with transphobia as transfems, which I'm not gonna diminish no matter my views on transgenderism, but they probably haven't really dealt with lesbo/homophobia especially if they're pre-transition). Afterall, lesbian transfems were probably straight guys before, and their orientation is sure as hell not condemned by the wider society.

It kind of reminds me of this one lesbian transgirl ik who I met on a server on discord and formed a group of online friends there which included her. I knew her before she came out/identified as trans and I remember at that time she'd sometimes mention how she'd listen to lewd asmr of girls and such. She also talked about how she wished she was lesbian. So I, being the lesbian debator I am, basically said that that's not a great thing to say (I refrained from saying it sounds fetishy), but she replied with basically saying that I don't understand and that lesbian love or whatever is so "pure" unlike hetero love or something. So guess how I felt when she started identifying as a lesbian trans girl and later found out it's something observable in a portion of the online transbian community (not saying every transbian is like this, but still). (Oh yh she also (sort of?) cheated on her gf so there's that but I don't think it's related.)

I think I feel a similar sentiment as you in the sense that while I can sympathise with some of the struggles transfems may face, I find it irritating at times when people seem to go above and beyond to label/treat them as "the most sapphic and lesbian ever" as you put it, most of the time in an effort to validate their identity and place in the sapphic and wider lgbt community, when they probably never had to face the struggles afab sapphics were faced with since forever and more importantly some say some... Questionable things about their orientation and attraction to women. Not all obviously, but still. Am I making any sense lol?

I definetely don't think transbians have 0 place in the sapphic community, I think it's a complicated matter and there can be some gray areas (I also have grown increasingly distant from the (at least online) lgbt/lesbian community the past year so idrc about most discourse ig), but I kind of wish this was all treated more "normally" if that makes sense and that afab lesbians or sapphic could talk about certain things related to their orientation without constantly being scrutinised to make sure they're including trans folk in everything ever. I also kind of wish we could call out problematic behaviour in trans people without being called transphobic, but I think this applies to specific cases mostly.

Anyway I think I was mostly nonsensical here, apologies, but feel free to reply to whatever you managed to latch onto here lol.

Also, if you ever feel the need to vent and don't feel comfortable airing those issues on tumblr.com for whatever reason, my dms are always open, I check into this hellsite daily <3

~🪼

(wow retroactive preface I go on a long ass ramble about semantics in this I apologize in advance for how many times you might have to read the word "definition" lmao)

hey!! so happy to keep seeing you here around these parts (my inbox, that is) and I'm glad you especially do get some enjoyment out of my far less polished vent posts :p I always feel bad when I post something so singularly interesting to me and me alone because it is just a full on personal blog moment, but to be fair to myself this entire blog is an exercise in actually voicing my own opinions and feelings for the sake of learning to express myself better, and it is nice to know even in the least poignant or least thought out posts, it isn't just fully self-beneficial lmao

I also (of course, as always) appreciated your response! honestly, I admire how level-headed and nuanced you can be with these topics, I myself often feel like I swing wildly from being harsher with my words and trying desperately to be as passive as possible to appease everyone, and I do have to say it is an ongoing challenge for me sometimes to strike that perfect balance between understanding but still standing by my convictions and not solely focused on people pleasing. it's a bit of a weird life, in my private time I do feel like I tend to be highly cynical and sort of an asshole lolol, especially towards other people, but in public I would never dare say any of the things I think because at the end of the day, I do still feel as if preserving friendly atmospheres among peers is paramount to being a productive part of a society. I'm like the opposite of the asshole with a heart of gold trope, in a way. gold with the heart of an asshole lmao

all that to say, I think you make some really astute observations that are still compassionate to trans women who identify as lesbian, while still pointing out the objective faults of their common language and behavior! I really think this (like so many issues whose current is pushed most strongly by the english speaking west) is a matter of semantics for the most part. labels, communities based on labels, and their inherent flaws I guess. because I really have no problem with someone identifying as a trans woman and also having a sexuality surrounding liking women, or if they want to talk about it or even if they want to define it separately than heterosexual attraction. it's their attraction, and I'm not the ceo of how people choose to define their own sexuality (and I wouldn't want to be, that sounds like a headache job lmao). for me, I think the issue really comes with when personal definitions of sexuality are enforced upon others, and when suddenly, highly personal definitions become community-defining ones. the term "sapphic" is such a great example of this weird treatment of labels and their definitions. the term "sapphic" can mean a lot of different things to different people, despite the fact that it is, at its core, a term held together by a single definition. in our society people will ideologically define every single word in a definition differently (ex. what does love mean? what does a woman mean (lol)?) and so even a fairly universal term can be personal based on one's own framework of thinking. BUT the thing is, a lot of transbians/people who identify as queer/tra positive/whatever you want to call the current hegemonic popular opinions of the lgbtq+ have taken to a personal definition of words like lesbian and sapphic, and have decided to supplant the originally fairly universal term and replace it with something that does kind of inadvertently alienate a lot of people who identify with the most "neutral" and non-ideological version of the definition (women who love/are attracted to women). instead, the basic definition has essentially shifted in its meta, though the words stay the same, the meaning is pushed to imply these terms can be understood as "someone who identifies as a woman who loves/are attracted to people who they identify as women" and that's just both too broad and too specific at the same time, excluding those who don't agree with the notion of identifying into what was previously understood as a sex class, and including people who wouldn't have even met the original definitional criteria to begin with. this, in turn, creates a vacuum in meaning, allowing for "aesthetic" to take over as the primary meaning of the term. I think that's where that "weirdness" comes in.

it's hard to find community with people who are coming at the definition of what the community is built on from a completely different direction. when I think of being "sapphic" (other than the brainrotting pop culture/online/algorithmically driven stereotypes) I simply think of being attracted to my same sex, that being female, and that being women. but, I would assume for transfems, they obviously don't have the simple way of just relying on same sex attraction as a definition, because they don't see the world in that way definitionally, and must apply more effort to justify why their attraction to women deserves to distinctively be defined from regular opposite sex attraction. that's where we get the strange insistence on sapphic love being more "pure" or making their entire personality curated towards "sapphic culture". in a way, though on the surface I am still pretty jealous that they get the privilege to express these thoughts and be backed up so strongly by people I know who would care less about me, I do feel bad that they must subconsciously feel the need to "prove" they meet the criteria for these labels because for them, there is no easy, biologically material fitting of the definition. I personally will have never have to care that much about fitting lesbian stereotypes or involving my life in sapphic culture. in fact, I basically can't not be sapphic. it's just the only way my future looks. it's the only way my attraction manifests. people will see me as a lesbian (well, that or a nerdy disheveled teenage boy at first glance lmao) just based on how I don't present in a way that centers men. it's the only way I fall in love.

and yeah, it really would be nice if there was space for a community where we could discuss that reality, openly, in mainstream progressive spaces! but for reasons that would be pretty bleak if we unraveled them, people would much rather play these games of labels and proving your place in them than creating avenues for people to congregate in spaces that actually bring them community and cater to their needs.

as always after these really really tangled word threads I slowly begin to run out of steam so I'll just wrap this up and say you made excellent points dear anon! maybe one day we can all just accept that sometimes definitions should be exclusive in that they exclude people who don't fit them, and not exclusive in the way that they exclude people who do fit them, and that afab women, and especially afab sapphics, deserve the right to preserve spaces for themselves without having to worry about appeasing men or anyone they don't want to!

and wow holy shit this is a whole lot of words trying to pick apart the way words can mean other words sometimes I would not blame anyone if they skim most of it lmao.

tl;dr the meta of labels and their definitions are kinda dumb and I'm maybe more dumb for spending so much time thinking about them

and lastly, thank you for the kind offer of your dm space as an area for venting! perhaps...I will take you up on that offer...it is inevitable I will be struck by another petty urge to vent about people in my life because I continue to work with people who are essentially the most fascinating but headache inducing parts of tumblr and twitter personified and I do still primarily have very "gendery" friends irl! we'll see if I end up having anything interesting to say about it though first, or if I can bear to actually talk to someone online once instead of passively yelling into the digital void!

[stormblessed95]

This is random, but I finally got to watch the full d-day concert!!! (i was honestly super disappointed as a european fan that I couldn’t see him live 😭) And Yoongi is so amazing, he was thriving during this tour!

But I wanted your opinion on the lyrics of haegeum? Because I feel a bit crazy, but I’m 99% sure I hear him say “slaves to youtube, slaves to sex” instead of “flexing”? Am I the only one who hears that? If I hear it right, props to him! It’s rare to hear anyone say the word “sex” (I know “sexy” is said all the time by the members haha, but that’s a different thing)

Literally “liberating yourself from banned things” 👏

(Reminds me of when Hoseok wore the condom shirt - I’m actually looking forward to post-military times when they may take more freedom to show more mature sides of themselves honestly instead of placating “fans”.)

When I apologize for letting asks sit in my inbox for freaking ever, this is a good example in case anyone was wondering how old some of my asks are lol. I'm so sorry anon!! But I'm here now! I'm relaxing this morning before my part 2 date this evening and going to do that while gushing about Yoongis genius!

How many times can I make everyone watch Yoongi perform before talking about it? 😏😂

Okay well first, I'll say that I do hear slaves to flexing and not sex. Lol but that also would've been quite the line and I can see where maybe it could sound like that, but I disagree there. And the lyrics also say flexing. So I think that's pretty open and shut.

Second, I too, am enjoying the solo era where they are a little bit more free with who they are as people and individuals and how they've approached things lately. I'm throughly looking forward to seeing this energy continue but as a group too!

And finally! My thoughts over Haegeum:

Literally it means to allow/unlock something that is forbidden or to lift a ban on something that is forbidden. The main "theme" of the song centers around this idea and these controversies that spread through free speech. I personally think Yoongi is liberating himself from the "forbidden." Rejecting the state of the world and the stereotypes constantly forced upon him from people who don't even really know him.

He specifically points out a scene of him smoking, something normally very looked down upon for idols like himself, something that members of BTS have actively received hate/criticism on, but he rejects things that are forbidden for him and he embraces this new style and era he is crafting for himself.

He pointed out being essentially tired of and gives criticism of this "information age" we are living in currently. With information accessible at the drop of a hat, literally constantly at our fingertips, people are just regurgitating someone else's thoughts and opinions rather than engaging in critical thinking and coming up with their own.

(no hate to anon truly, this is not really directed at you, but it's a lot like how a lot of anons on my blog want me to give them their thoughts and opinions about Jikook moments and explain it all rather than finding their own opinions about it)

I think he also relates to this information age as something that restricts us not only in critical thought. But also how it's constantly forcing people into purposeless debate and controversy online. An overflow of information from everyone, most of which is also opinion and not fact, can make it HARDER for people to think for themselves, figure out what they believe and engage fully and factually.

He points out and questions why we are so bound to money, validation, hatred and prejudice. Why we allow these things to shape who we are and how we think. It's like we are living in a society that almost encourages that too.

I think he wants this song to encourage hope. Encourage a future where we reject these things, reject what holds us back, reject the idea that free speech doesn't mean freedom from consequences or freedom to be hateful. Reject the idea that we need to live for validation and instead live for a better and kinder future. Where we speak for what we believe in and not just spew hatred and prejudice and half baked opinions based off what someone else says, where we don't create senseless discourse or create baseless complaints and debates.

Yoongi, I think, hopes for a future, a better age, where it's more based in realism and a people with less superficial tendencies and desires. And in my opinion, a healthier world that would be.

And all this is literally just my thoughts based on the lyrics! We didn't even get into the trilogy together, the possibilities of colors used, an MV analysis, the visual architecture.... The man does everything with a purpose!! We could get into that more too if people want

I highly encourage watching all his behind the scene stuff for more of his thoughts and his process. Yoongi is and always will be my bias because of the way he thinks and the way he processes stuff and the way he writes and puts those things out into the world. I also relate so much to him.

[sams-venting]

To be completely honest, the show isn't... good. It's like, passable at best. It has good ideas and earnest storytelling, but the execution of those ideas is often hit-or-miss. Even when a good idea is well-executed, it usually overstays its welcome and becomes stale really fast. Nothing ever amounts to anything. Nothing ever has any weight. Who cares if such-and-such dies for the umpteenth time? We know we'll see them again in, like, at most a couple weeks. There are no stakes, and there's no reason to believe any of the characters will have evolved in any meaningful way around such a time that the show ends.

I'm not saying I don't like the show. It is kind of hard to watch, though. If uploads weren't daily and the team had more time to really give these cool ideas and story beats the attention they deserve, I would be a huge fan. I don't even mind that it's basically improv because they're all really good at improv! That's a huge deal, considering they're acting in VR! That isn't my issue with the show, I like improv. But the team have done themselves a disservice by not really making a concrete decision about the age demographic and by locking themselves into such a demanding upload schedule. It's like they've gathered a bunch of really nice and fresh ingredients for a cake, combined everything into a batter, and then didn't leave it in the oven long enough.

I really hate to say it, but I'm very much reminded of High Guardian Spice if anyone remembers that. There's so much potential for a good show, so much talent, such cool ideas, but there's not a sturdy enough foundation to carry all these good things.

And I hate to be so critical, I honestly do, because I'm sure it's not easy. I don't wanna look at something that people clearly spend a lot of time and effort on, something I even enjoy, and just shit all over that hard work. So, I guess I better try to make this constructive, at least?

So, here's what I would do if I was in charge:

Obviously, the daily upload schedule is good for the algorithm, but it doesn't lend itself well to the show's pacing. These ideas and story beats need space to breathe and run their full course, which is really difficult to make happen in a 15 - 20 minute time frame. Even if it was like, a twice a week upload schedule (still a pretty substantial amount), there'd be way more time to flesh episodes out and really use those 15 - 20 minutes as efficiently as possible. Plus, I'm sure it'd be way less stressful.

I would also try to space out the amount of big, dramatic events that leave the characters traumatized and needing therapy. When they happen so frequently, you start to wonder how the characters aren't completely jaded by now. In between all the big adventures and dying several times and always having to defend themselves from the villains, there should be way more moments of levity. Those moments can still be serious and develop the characters' personalities, but if the big drama is constantly happening, it just becomes the background hum, you know? It loses its impact when it's the norm.

Ideally, I feel like the show would resemble ATLA a lot more. You can have your serious themes, your death, your jokes, your magic, your fun, your family drama, your badass villains, your characters growing and changing and discovering themselves, and you can even make that all happen in a show that appeals to all ages! It's possible! But it's really difficult to reach that point if you don't give yourself more than like 12 hours to craft each episode.

.

[entamewitchlulu]

So for bakarina side ships

What are your hcs for the women? All of them are super lesbian Disaster icons in show but I'm pretty sure everyone in that show is bisexuality incarnate.

I could see Mary, what with her scheming and emotional intelligence, actually being able to really connect with Sophia who always seems like she's projecting a little hard with her romance novel obsession.

Penny for your thoughts?

god i love the katacule f/f side ships soooo much. my personal fave is MariSofi mostly for the Aesthetic but also because they're my two favorite characters in the show and I think they should kiss

so ok here are some thoughts about the f/f combos

MarySofi is very sweet because these two have grown up together and have teamed up all the time on pretty much everything when it comes to Katarina so they've had so much time to get to know each other. Sophia gives Mary a chance to mellow out a bit since usually Mary is very headstrong and determined and constantly working hard, while Sophia is more of a quiet type who can help Mary slow down. Mary also helps Sophia be more assertive and confident in herself just by being around her and Sophia adores her for that boost. They're very soft and Sophia likes to share f/f romance novels with Mary; that's actually how their mutual feelings started to grow because Sophia was the first person to essentially reassure Mary that there was nothing wrong or weird about her for loving a woman by sharing stories where that love was normal and okay, so Mary is really grateful to Sophia for helping her feel more solid in her identity during times when she felt like maybe she was kidding herself and she'd never be taken seriously

MariSofi is super super soft. They are very snuggly and touchy feely and especially love playing with each other's hair. Maria taught Sophia how to bake and Sophia likes to make treats based on the things the characters in her favorite books eat and share them with Maria; she'll also perch in the corner of the kitchen and read out loud to Maria while Maria bakes, like ye olde audiobooks lol. I think aside from Katarina, Sophia is probably one of the more down-to-earth nobles of the group and while none of them really wield their position over anyone, there's still that pressure of knowing they're some of the most powerful people in the kingdom, but Sophia is just so gentle that Maria doesn't feel that pressure with her at all and Sophia has never really Felt like a noble so being with Maria makes her feel a lot more relaxed. I think they both really connect with each other on the topic of feeling as though they were born a curse on their loved ones and how they were able to work through that feeling and love the parts of themselves that they thought made them cursed.

MariMary (which is such a funny ship portmanteau) i think was a much slower relationship, because Mary initially was the most jealous of Maria for managing to get so far ahead with Katarina so quickly and easily while Mary had been trying literally for years to get Katarina to recognize her feelings for her and it took Maria like two seconds of existing for Katarina to start thinking shit like "wow if I were a man i'd marry her" so I can imagine that's a point of tension on Mary's side. Despite this it is impossible to hate Maria and Mary melts pretty quickly especially as she realizes that Maria is working SO hard, which definitely reminds Mary of how hard she's worked to be the perfect noblewoman who can stand at Katarina's side. They also both have histories with being bullied and struggling to work through the scars that left so I think they could find some comfort and relaxation in each other as they realize the similarities in each other and that they don't have to put on a front. Maria gives Mary the chance to let her hair loose, so to speak, taking a break from putting on airs as a noblewoman, while Mary's forceful personality gives Maria the boost she needs to not shy away from conflict and to feel confident in standing up for herself and believing that she has the right to belong in the space she's in without regard to her background.

anyway that was pretty rambly but i hope it was interesting!! i'd love to hear any more of your thoughts if you wanted to share :)

[bad0mens]

Yesterday was an emotional day for me and not in a good way.

Under the cut because I need it out.

I'm not sure what the 'inciting' incident was, or if there even was one. I think it was honestly just a build up of working retail during the holidays where I'm inundated with people who are rude and impatient and it's been getting to me. My situation at home isn't a bad one. But I constantly feel the 'quiet older middle child syndrome' as well as 'high masking autistic adult who is largely self sufficient disorder'. So I feel like in some ways, I fall through the cracks in the minds of my family. They don't feel they need to worry about me because I'm usually good at taking care of myself.

The problem arises here. In a lot of ways, especially yesterday, I felt like an after thought to my own family. Allow me to explain.

Three of the specific things that got me yesterday, and maybe they sound petty, were:

1. We drove three hours there, expecting a short event packed with lots of people but it was instead a long event packed with people and my social battery is all but dead on my off days because it has to work on my on days. I was able to keep myself mostly sane by working on fics and keeping my earplugs in because my family, especially my younger sister, is very loud. I want to spend time with my family on the holidays, but I also want to relax and be comfortable when the tense of working this time of year is finally starting to ebb.

2. There was a lot of food to go around... But only about 3 things I could actually eat. Mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, and stuffing. You may notice there is no protein or real vegetables in any of those options. I've been a vegetarian for going on 20 years. This isn't something new for my family. My mother and younger sister did the cooking and thought to make the stuffing safe for me to eat. But that was it. The worst part of this is, I also forgot to even bring myself something like that to cook, so it's really on me as well (which is a part of the problem I'll get to in a moment).

3. I had two presents to unwrap. I know how ungrateful this sounds. But it's not about the number of presents. It's really not. I got things I asked for and I am grateful for them! It's a chunk of the larger problem, though. There was lots of presentation and fun in other people's gifts. One of mine was thrown haphazardly in a bag with nothing to cover it. The other was a wrapped cardboard box with the item inside.

Normally, any of these one things by themselves is fine, but emotions were running high after a season of working retail (not to mention I got in an argument with my boomer father who started the "no one wants to work these days" that I had to shut down pretty hard").

The problem was that, even on this day about family, I was an after thought. And the problem stems from my own behavior. I'm a helper, I care about other people, I put other people first, constantly. So constantly that I almost never put myself first. So no one else thinks to either. I'm not asking to be the specialist girl at Christmas. I'm asking to feel like I'm cared about as more than a "oh shit we can't forget about--".

I don't put myself first, so why should anyone else? I brush off this behavior in myself and others as fine. I pick pieces of myself apart to try and help other people feel whole when I've never felt whole in my entire life. And the worst part, the most painful part, is that I've ultimately done this to myself.

I sat at the dinner table, feeling alien and broken and alone surrounded by my own family, simultaneously dissociating and trying not to cry. It was my college graduation all over again, when weeks before my father reminded me that art degrees were functionally useless and I was wasting my time and money after a lifetime of hearing the lie that I could be whatever I wanted to be if I worked hard enough. It was that moment all over again. But amplified. It felt like everyone was in on the joke now.

And I still played to other people's comfort. I did not cry about it no matter how increasingly painful it became until 4 hours later when I was finally at home and my older sister asked me what was wrong. And I finally said something. I told her I felt like an after thought.

But it isn't until this moment, nearly 10 hours later, that I'm realizing the truth of it.

Who's going to put me first when I never put me first? Why would anyone bother? I don't. And after what feels like a lifetime of putting other people before myself, I'm left with the fact that my family can't be blamed. I did this to myself.

[psychologeek]

Thank you. I couldn't watch the video mentioned - i think it might been deleted?

I apologize in advance. I wanted to comment on this for a long time, but only now got to it. And now I'm hungry and tired and grieving. So may not be fully coherent.

I just want to make it very clear I DON'T try to downplay or ignore the holocaust for Romani people. I just don't feel like I can talk about it, as I don't have good enough understanding of it. I don't know how communities adapted and recovered, after.

Would anyone have online places to read/learn? I tried in the past to learn more of culture and talking to actually Romani people, but I'm also very aware this is pretty close traditions, and I don't want to be disrespectful.

And this is a hard topic - but I don't know how to ask about ways of mourning and respect (if it's even appropriate? Is it something you talk about?). I don't know how to ask about the ways communities survived and kept going, staples scarring around the hollow parts where people used to be. I grew up reading my people's stories. But I haven't got to read a similar story written by Romanis.

(and maybe it doesn't matter. Because we all lived and died the same. But it does - it does, because culture and traditions are crucial. Because me and you may mourn completely differently about the same person. It's important, because sayings like "we're all the same" tend to erase the ways we are uniquely beautiful, turn everyone into a very simple, pale, shade of who we are.)

~

I want to add another aspect (as a Jewish, non-american person):

I think that the holocaust is (for now) unforgettable, bc Jews don't forget. We are vowed and doomed to remember. Though still, 20% of USA gen Z don't believe the holocaust happened.

This day, we mourn things that happened 1,900-3,000 years ago. And we grieve those disasters like it happened to our grandparents.

But I think the main thing is- we remember, and we must make others remember that as well, because it's ALWAYS happening. Every ~50 years there's a major disaster aimed at Jewish people. You just don't hear about most of them-

(you probably didn't hear about Khminyetskey Pogroms, or the Pogroms in 1919 in Ukraine ("kill the jews, save Ukraine") and 1929 (Palestine Eretz Yisrael), you surely never heard of the Muzaa exile that killed 80% of the Jewish population of Sana'a (Yemen), or about the Orphans' Decree.

(I can go on and on and on. It's a long list. But I put it here bc this I just to say - we have to talk about it. We have to make people remember and talk about it, because it was the first time in history that Goyim, as a collective, went "oh, umm. That was too much." About jews being killed. And we need to keep this feeling. Because people love dead Jews, and we need to constantly remind them it's a Bad Thing.)

~

I also think that part of the way people remember it, especially in the USA, is still framed by ww2 propaganda and the need to "be the best people".

~

And maybe more than all - I think it's because it's easier to care about the people you don't see.

I might be wrong here - please correct me!

But from my understanding, people don't think about Romani people as "my neighbours". There's a lot of exoticism in this, like talking about "those interesting communities in Europe."

While jews... well, you can't really avoid those dirty bastards. (I had several posts about how Jewish stereotypes and discrimination are in the very core of many facilities. I can link later, if anyone is interested.)

Short thing is - people can't hate "weak people" and feel good with themselves. So they must not-hate, or make those people "legit targets"

How?

By turning themselves into the heroes of the story ("WE saved the poor jews from the bad Nazis. Those dirty bastards should be grateful!") and by turning the target into a not-so-weak ("They are white, so it's okay to hate them!"). Now to keep this status quo, all evidence and facts must be ignored or reversed.

And that's how you get that weird mixture of jews (USA stats) as: the most hate-crimed religious group, slowly taking the crown for most HC group in general; results like 25% of employees wouldn't promote a Jewish person; multiple bomb threats, physical and verbal attacks -

But people would still say "Jews are white - they are privileged!"

~

This is BEFORE you consider the erasure of the holocaust in north Africa. There were concentration and labour camps in Morroco, Lybia, Tunisia, (and iirc also Algeria). There were trains to death camps from those countries, that were ruled by Italy or Germany. There WAS a ghetto in Japan (Shanghai), were Jewish people were concentrated and not allowed to leave. Though it was relatively safe, besides that. No death camps in that area. Yayyy.

There was also a mass pogrom in Iraq in 1942 (the Farhud), which the survivors are considered holocaust survivors, as the events leading to this were related to the war.

~

Anyway. Yes. Sorry.

I'd probably erase or delete this in the morning.

Idk if you heard about this Yuval situation I found a video of what he said https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRodABfm/

I agree what he said wasn't good, but the way other people are making comments and videos saying the Holocaust was a white genocide and white-on-white hate is so wrong and ignorant to say. It just rubs me so wrong, and I hate it so much that people are saying that because every single time they keep talking about the Holocaust, they just bring up Jewish people and leave out Romani people as a whole. And a part of me just feels so upset about it because the number of times I cried after listening to stories of my grandparents explaining the stuff they saw and went through during the Holocaust and how many family members they lost just breaks my heart so much, and that I have so many family members I didn't get to meet yet. I'm just upset about people erasing Romani people from the Holocaust, and I just wanted to ask you about your take on this. 

Yeah I saw Florian's tiktok talking about it. And besides the obvious anti-Romani racism (I won't add anything on the matter because I 100% agree with you) let me just add it's really disingenuous, offensive and downright antisemitic to hear people define the holocaust as a white on white crime. Jewish people for almost their entire history have faced pogroms, assault, genocides, harassment, disenfranchisement and impoverishment precisely because they were not considered white. In fact, white supremacists think of Jewish people as the polar opposite of the white race. This is the logic that was used by Nazis to justify the holocaust. Posthumously considering Jewish victims as white because that's what we would consider them today is a rewriting of holocaust history and a misunderstanding of historical antisemitism.

Florian's tiktok actually pissed me off. He saw people saying "I don't care about the holocaust because the victims were white" and his answer was "no you should care because actually, brown people were targeted too!", that is not a good answer. The real question people should ask themselves is: why isn't the murder of 6 million Jews enough for them to care?

By dividing Holocaust victims into 'white' (Jewish) and 'brown' (black or Romani), people are projecting our modern understanding of racial dynamics onto a historical period where racism worked differently than it does today. Dividing holocaust victims into either white or brown harms our understanding of what the holocaust was, what antisemitism, anti-Romani racism and anti-black racism are, and the history of all the people that were targeted during the holocaust — this is a really big sacrifice to make just to accommodate (mostly) American people and to fit into their own worldview.

I am saying all this as a non-Jewish, leftist Romani woman graduating in holocaust studies. It is important for us to address antisemitism on the left and in antiracist and feminist circles. So many people nowadays are pissed off whenever Jewish people are centered on discussions about the Holocaust and it's disgusting.

Anyway. I agree with you that this 'Holocaust is white on white crime' argument is fucked up because it erased Romani and Black African victims but I would also add that it is also a complete rewriting of history that is used to argue that it's okay if we don't care about antisemitism.

[prsk-krow]

Ok so, short and sweet... Short and sweet.

Uhh.. How about a (Mizuki x Reader) and a (Ena x Reader)?

Where the Reader is overly cautious about everything, like they could be just walking and the first thing that comes in their mind is that they could be hit by a speeding car, a truck, kidnapped, robbed, or get struck by lightning. And when someone needs something, Reader ends up having a bunch of supplies ready inside their bag, first aid, flashlight, helmet, and if possible, a fire extinguisher. Whatever you need, Reader has it! Reader is just comedically overly cautious that something bad might happen so they always come prepared for anything.

{Mizuki/Ena with paranoid reader!}

I'm... Pretty sure the proper term for it is Paranoid... Also, I'm gonna reduce the level of paranoia because at that point it may be passing onto crack territory, and I don't really like crack... Caw.

Mizuki Akiyama

Mizuki was always someone who respected other's boundaries above many other things, especially compared to their group-mates. If someone had a problem, they shouldn't pry in too much unless the other's willing to talk about it! That was their thought process.

So when they learnt about your constant fears and paranoia, they made sure to not pry into it too much, and simply let you act as you felt most comfortable! Of course, without going too overboard. They would make sure to sneak in a teasing comment here and there though...

It was in their nature to make sure to make sure that their friends were always enjoying themselves though, so they would constantly remind you that no matter the dangers, they would constantly be by your side, protecting you from whatever scenario your imagination may come up with! It was definitely helpful, especially when they knew not to take your imagination lightly...

What you weren't aware about, was that Mizuki knew how bad unfounded fears could get... Perhaps a bit too much. After all, it was the main reason why they refused to talk about themselves so much past their role in N25. It may seem silly to some people, but they knew that feeling all too well...

Perhaps that's why they seemed so eager to stay by your side almost anytime? They had even gone so far as to ask for your permission to move in with you! No matter where or when, they wanted to make sure that you were safe and sound from your own mind! It was sweet of them for sure! And the way they comforted you whenever you felt ashamed of your behavior...

"Ahaha, your mind's playing bad tricks on you again, huh? Don't worry, we can cut this date short! I don't mind hanging out at your house; it's quite comfy! Especially your sofa... Are you apologizing again?? Ah-ah... I've already told you that i don't find that annoying or weird, right? Hehe, it's part of who you are, and you're my friend! So don't force yourself to change because of me, alright?"

You didn't even have to say anything for them to know the exact words to make you feel better! Off to your house you both went, where you felt most comfortable, and you'd spent most of the day, most of the month there, next to them, enjoying every moment that passed! After all, few others could make you feel so safe...

Ena Shinonome

She can't lie, Ena definitely thought you were annoying more than once. Your constant whining got on her nerves at times, especially when she first started getting to know you. It was so strange, and she didn't know whether to feel sorry, or disappointed...

In the far opposite end to Mizuki, Ena would try to find out just why you're so scared of seemingly possible, yet improbable scenarios for almost any situation you were in! After all, it was so weird to her, and she couldn't stop wondering about the why!

Besides, she couldn't help but think there was something deeper to it... After all, she has a group-mate that at first showed a behavior that she couldn't understand either, and there was an event that made her that way... Could you be the same after all? No matter how many times you refused this, the nagging feeling never faded.

However, the weirdest part of it all for her was that your fears were always sincere, although exaggerated. Whenever she paid attention to your voice when you panicked, it wasn't an act to attract attention or anything like that... You just were that paranoid!

"... Ugh, if you're gonna continue like this, then we'll just cancel the visit to the cinema all together! Jeez, can't you walk outside for ten minutes without starting to look side to side nervously or start holding my hand like your life depends on it??... I, lashed out at you again. I'm sorry, but you can get on my nerves sometimes."

She has started to lash out less and less as time passed. Guess she was getting used to your behavior? Or maybe it was her guilt to get angry at someone simply wishing to be safe... She still criticized your imaginary scenarios, but not so loudly or insulting anymore, thankfully!

You were also making sure to not annoy her as much with your inner thoughts, as she seemed to enjoy whenever you enjoyed the moment instead of worrying about the future! And you couldn't say that you weren't enjoying the present by her side, could you?

Ugh... I got sick again. ;-; caw...

[ofstoriesandstardust]

you most definitely do not need to answer this if you're not comfortable (or just don't want to), but i saw you say you had grown somewhat resentful of the same mistakes universe and i was curious as to why. i am not personally a writer, but i have a fair amount of friends who are and i have seen similar things happen to them with stories they had put tons of time and effort into, for a variety of different reasons. i know a lot of authors struggle with not getting much interaction on fics, and i can imagine putting something out there that you are proud of and spent a lot of time on and then not hearing anything can feel super disappointing, and also a bit like just chucking your stuff into a void??? i know some other friends of mine have stopped writing because the fandom itself sucked and they were getting weird pointless hate for no reason.

I am definitely sad you've ended/taken a long break from the series, because it's clear you put a ton of time, effort, and care into the same mistakes series, and you developed a character that was deeply nuanced and unique, but also youre doing it all for free and for fun (ideally) so you don't owe anyone anything. I'm for sure rambling at this point but basically i have loved reading the series and i hope somewhere down the line you can start writing again for fun and for yourself!

hey!! i am more than happy to talk about this and the only reason I haven't until now because I wasn't sure anyone really cared and I didn't want it to be misconstrued as whining or ungratefulness. this is probably more of an answer than you were looking for but here we go...

before i came into the top gun fandom, I was very used to chucking my things into the void, as you said. some of my umbrella academy stuff got attention, but aside from a few key mutuals, there wasn't a whole lot. and I was okay with it because I was writing for me and no one else.

and then the og same mistakes trilogy caused my blog to blow up and I was very overwhelmed with the extraordinary overnight attention everything was getting. i went from nothing to so much scrutiny I didn't know what to do. I've gotten to meet and talk to wonderful people because of it, but I've also been subject to some pretty awful hate because of it too. and it never stopped. it just kept getting worse. there was a lot of pressure to deliver consistently and constantly and I felt like no matter what I wrote, I was never appeasing someone. there was always someone who didn't like it and wasn't afraid to tell me so.

ultimately i became resentful because if i never wrote same mistakes, then my blog never would've blown up and i'd never have gotten so much hate. i'd still be writing for me and not judging everything i write before it gets out onto the page. i try to remind myself that i never would've met so many amazing people but that stopped being enough after a little while. when I saw others writing amazing things and get the responses they absolutely deserved while I was being tagged in specific posts for writing things that had overused tropes, I started to wonder what I was doing wrong that I couldn't seem to appease anyone. why it wasn't good enough.

i sort of thought that if i took a step back and focused on other projects, like storm warning and flight risk, things would figure themselves out and the hate would die down and I could come back to same mistakes-verse. uhm, things didn't calm down. the hate didn't stop, as people started taking shots at these other projects (specifically flight risk) and my lack of faith in my writing started extending into my academics.

i've always been pretty proud of my academic writing, and as a historian, it's all I have. but when everyone online is telling you it's shit, and has been telling you that since June, it's hard not to view that for all of your writing. i already feel insecure in my field because I'm still new and honestly this was the last thing I needed.

so i decided to take a step back from all creative writing because it stopped being fun and it stopped being for me and I started hating everything I wrote because I knew no one would like it anyways. i hope it starts being fun again because I miss it and I want to come back to Rebel and Sunshine and Cowgirl and Carolina and all the characters that I love deeply but I don't know when or if that will happen.

[i-need-air]

"Dude" — Bakugou Katsuki x Reader.

Summary: Your former bully, Midori, has confessed her undying love for one of the most famous guys at U.A.; you're just venting gossiping about it with Mei, not knowing Bakugou Katsuki is right around the corner, listening;

Warnings: None. Well, Bakugou Katsuki having various anger induced strokes > the normal > no warnings; light crackfic? subtle ending;

Word count: 4.5k;

[ Part 2 ];

"She confessed to him." You grinned, throwing a bunch of fries into your mouth like the absolute animal you were.

Mei on the other hand continued her work on whatever in the world her new prototype, or "baby", was. Still, you had the honor of having half of her attention, which was a compliment to say at least.

She just smiled, shaking her head, leading you to continue, not knowing a blond was quite literally behind the corner, just outside the door leading to the support department, frown on his face.

"She came to class giggling like an idiot saying she's got a plan." You made a face into the distance, remembering your classmate's obnoxious squeal. "Ugh, she started telling the Divas how she's gonna have The Bakugou Katsuki in the bag." An ugly snort left your body, which earned an amused chuckle from Mei.

Both of you were pretty well known to be very good friends, and as much as you hated to admit it, you were both quite the social pariahs too. She was a little bit strange or weird, as some called her, but not for a single second she cared, which was the reason you admired the girl so much in the first place. Meanwhile you've taken the role of the bitch of the whole school by far. Sadly, you were placed in the same class as your archenemy, only increasing your chances of being called said endearing term.

Middle-school was a nightmare to say at least, getting bullied for your looks, the way you spoke or dressed, anything really as long as you were the one being mocked. And who was the one doing the bullying? Midori. Stunning, graceful, baby-faced Midori. Petite yet elegant, a devil in disguise. Whoever crossed her path suffered her malice unless she had something to gain from them.

And now, sweet Midori was in the U.A.'s General Studies, coinciding with you in the majority but not all classes. It had to do with the tragedy that your quirk was so rare that the principal Nezu had to adjust a new schedule just for you. Just kidding, it was amazing. The actual tragedy was seeing her face every day.

Back to your heartbreaking backstory and origin; time made you tough, comments made you build a wall so tall and thick nobody could crumble it. Backstab after backstab made you learn that not everyone has good intentions, but in your loneliness you found Hatsume Mei. So honest and dedicated, so raw and passionate. A good person. The type of person your parents promised you'd someway cross paths with and gain such a strong friendship that nothing could tear it apart.

Becoming friends with her was easy, kinda. It took snapping back at Midori when she started her normal bullying routine on Mei, which ignored it without a care. You stepped in and the rest is history. It did feel good though, calling her a pathetic bitch before turning to the stranger with a cool gadget in her hands to compliment it. And, since she's a sucker for her babies, you had to deal with an hour of sparkly eyes and monologues about her plans and prototypes.

Funny girl, Mei. You remember thinking but the following day you passed by her usual spot to fill your curiosity, asking if she did solve the problem she was complaining about.

"He was the one she was planning to ask out?" She screamed at you, head inside a giant metal gauntlet and the reason you two started talking about said man in particular. News were extra-fresh anyway.

"Oh, yeah!" You shook your head, ashamed to exist in the same general proximity as a person like your former bully. "He's gonna be so rich and famous!" A high pitched squeal left your mouth as you tried to copy her voice. "Poor fucking guy, if only he knew."

"But people know she's a bitch!" She screamed again, repairing or adjusting something with almost all of her body inside the gauntlet. A smile, genuine and soft this time, formed on your face. The pink-haired girl wasn't one to talk bad about others or even care, but it was clear she wasn't particularly fond with Midori either, although the conversation was more for you to vent rather than gossip. Sure it was.

"Like the people from the Hero Department even care about us, the commoners." With a roll of the eyes, you followed. "If he's smart, he'll run away. If he's an asshole, he could use her too."

"What do you mean?" Pink flocks of hair suddently submerged from the gadget, eyes curious zooming on you. That probably got more than 50% of her attention and it was a new personal goal while she was at the workshop.

With shrugged shoulders, your answer came nonchalant. "He could date her and dump her like she's nothing. Would serve her right for all the shit she's talking about him." But the only response you got was a short quizzical look, followed by your exagerated sigh. "She's talking shit about him constantly, but then says he's hot and that his personality doesn't matter anyway. Money, fame, looks. She has a whole fucking life-plan! Then calls him a rabid dog!"

"Woah—" that surprised her.

"Woah indeed! Insane. It's insane. I don't know the guy but no one deserves that shit." When you got no response, you continued your speech, munching in the food with passionate hunger, words coming out almost indistinguishable. "Doubt he'd play her though. He looks like a smart guy. I've seen the Sports Festival—" you picked up your burger, giving it heart eyes. "—and I've seen the news. He's probably a good guy too, the issue is people don't see that and... Well, I understand what's it to be judged... Not many have what it takes to be a real hero but he does. Hope he finds happiness in life." Much talk for someone that doesn't know shit about the guy in particular, but even so faint, your gut instinct was trained well enough to spot malice and he lacked that. "And a therapist." And there's the little shit in you that had to drop a cheeky comment.

Mei's gaze turned downwards and even if you could see her brain do mental gymnastics to solve whatever problem she had in front of her super-eyes, she also contemplated your words with great care.

"He comes here from time to time—" she grins, smacking the grenade looking gauntlet with her weird utensil. "I noticed you two are similar." Your face twisted, eyes wide towards the girl.

Similar how? He was loud, bold with a foul mouth, definitely needed a therapist for those unresolved anger issues... But he was also bright as in whenever he went, people looked in his direction, like he shined; obviously strong, also from what you've heard smart, popular, lucky to be surrounded by kind people. Example being that very nice pink girl that had a joyous conversation with you the very first day of school and, much to your surprise, continued greeting and having sweet small talks with you every single time you saw each other. Or the blond haired guy that showed off a little bit too much and made dumb flirty comments with no bad intentions, the same blond that waved at you with enthusiasm when you'd cross paths. There was the red-head, Kirishima, that was an absolute gentleman, opening doors for you even if you had two functioning hands and smiled so bright it made your corneas burn, or also the dark haired guy, Sero, that you've seen helping literally anyone in need around the school campus with an easy going attitude and gentle grins. Bakugou Katsuki was surrounded by good people, good heroes just as amazing as him and if they liked him, he must've definitely had some good in him, right? Another point appeared in your mental presentation about the brash hero in the making was that he was way too attractive but the wise burried deep inside of you made that particular point dissappear. No need to think about that. Overall you weren't even remotely similar. Not even close. Two completely different human beings from two completely different worlds that would never collide. With that being said, there was the small chance that Mei hinted for you to get a therapist too, who knows.

"How even—"

"I mean!" She screwed something in place. "I mean in your— determination?"

"I wouldn't know that." You muttered.

"He screams I'm gonna be the best every time he's here—"

"Cute..." You vomit that endearment without thinking, but thankfully it got ignored.

"—and it always reminds me of you." A small chuckle left your mouth.

"Don't make fun of me."

"You say it too~"

"I just heal, Mei, it's not the same." Principal Nezu's speech, the speech he gave your parents months into the first year as they found themselves aware of your power made you hold your words. You had it in you. The potential. If incredible people like your teachers, like Shuzenji Chiyo or Principal Nezu twisted things around for your quirk, for how rare and powerful it is, you'd accept it.

"But you're gonna be the best healer ever, aren't you?" She taunted.

"Of course. Which reminds me—!"

"Hmm?" Her attention faded away slightly, but it wasn't a problem.

She cheered, both at you and at her finished masterpiece and proceeded to eat too, passing through the lunch hour without interruption.

"Recovery Girl is putting me on active duty at the infirmary from now on. Finally!"

Innocent pale purple eyes stared into deep crimson ones, furrowed brows covering them.

—

Bakugou Katsuki wasn't one to enjoy being annoyed or surprised and this extra managed to make him feel both things in a short notice.

Everyone around him froze in fear or wonder, awaiting his response without breathing or moving an inch. Meanwhile Whoever-she-was held a pink envelope in front of him, a perfume too sweet coming from it making him want to literally gag in the spot.

Another thing the boy did not appreciate was to have someone bullshit him. His senses were telling him to back off, alarms ringing in his head and those purple eyes held hidden intentions; he wasn't having any of it.

"Fuck off." He snapped, yet his stance was casual as he refused to move out of her way since she was the one that had the audacity to run into him.

Some gasps, even coming from his so-called idiotic friends, could be heard and an indignant Bakubro behind him as he got slapped in the shoulder but he did not care. Not until her lips started to tremble as she retreated her confession letter towards her chest dramatically. His eyebrow started to twitch at the sight.

It was a spectacle for anyone surrounding him.

"What's going on?" Shushes and whispers.

"Bakugou Katsuki just got a confession!" Gossip.

"What!? Who?!" Confusion.

"You said Bakugou Katsuki?!" Shock.

"Oh, she's pretty!" Awe.

"He told her to Fuck off! What an asshole!" Outrage.

"Is that Midori?" Surprise.

"The nerve—" Anger.

"Midori from—" Disbelief.

"Oh, my God, she's really doing it~!" Giggles.

He frowned deeper. If people were to talk about him, they should be talking about all the crap he's been doing and all the lives he saved, not because of a fake bimbo decided to cross his path.

Bakugou wasn't stupid either. With time he knew these things would eventually come in his direction, stuff he'd have to deal with in the future as fame would take over, but not now. He did not have time to entertain this show anyway.

There was only one destination in his mind and she was keeping him in the middle of the whole school cafeteria with prying eyes on them both.

"Bakugou, do something, she's about to cry!" Dunce Face harshly whispered, but turned towards the white haired girl that looked devastated in front of them. "Ignore him! Ask me out, I would never make you cry!"

He rolled his eyes so back in his head it almost hurt. With a need to hurl the food he just ate, he made a step to leave the scene but small hands with claw-like fingernails gripped his arm and he looked at her in utter disgust.

"No, I would never! He—" she sniffled but had no tears in her eyes. He gave her a scowl, trying to take his arm out of her grip but she scratched him in place with her tiny rat hands. "You're the one I love! I—" her bangs covered her face as she continued her show.

"Bakugou! Dude! Do something!" Shitty Hair said, his dumb and blind trust in people buying the act. A vein almost popped on Bakugou's forehead.

"I fucking said—" he pulled his arm so hard she fell on her knees by his side. "Fuck. Off."

Another set of gasps filled the room.

"Bakugou!"

One thing he did not want, even if he could tell it was a foul theater, was to hurt somebody. His asshole act ended at that but his pride stopped him from saying anything.

Glancing to see if she's hurt, Pink Idiot was by her side, helping her up and asking way too many fucking questions.

"No, I'm fine..." she said with such a meek voice he scoffed, also hearing all the shit everyone around him was talking.

"He's such a brute."

"What a mean guy—"

"She's crying!"

"Fucking asshole."

He gritted his teeth.

After the disaster with the League of Villains in the first year, people started to respect him for who he was yet one single, minuscule shit like this and they were all at his jugular.

"I took Bakugou-san by surprise." She excused his behavior to Ashido, which then suggested they should eat lunch together sometimes to make up for the trouble after apologizing in his behalf.

"Yeah, we'd love to have you around! Isn't that right, Bakugou?" The apologetic and almost pleading voice of his blond friend, if he ever was going to call him that anymore, just made him bare his teeth. If they wanted to get played like fools it was their problem, not his.

And that's how he found himself eavesdropping on the weirdo and an extra.

And with a single "Whatever." he left the cafeteria, going to check if his gauntlets were ready, annoyance oozing off him, making the sea of people part from his path. Except he didn't notice you rushing away a little bit in front of him, holding a bag of food, all amused.

Why the fuck was everyone talking about him? Can't they fucking keep his pretty name outta their mouths? With time and without finding a reason why the hell he was glued in place, he listened attentively, his suspicions confirmed and his ego hurt, but whoever was talking about him calmed his nerves a lot. He just needed to put a face to that voice. Just to see who's gossiping about him, nothing else.

—

With a full belly and a whole afternoon to study by Recovery Girl's side, you marched towards the infirmary after you bid your farewell to Mei. There was still time to walk around, grab something sweet for later and save any poor soul that Midori decided to sink her teeth in. It was common at this point, you getting in between her and her victims and taking the hit, yet somehow also being called a bitch by everyone. That's how high-school worked. She did have friends and they spread any word she spat. Vultures.

It was fine though. Hero [Y/N] is there to save the day no matter what. You scoffed at your own stupidity, turning the corner just to step on a leg that was sprawled on the floor.

He clicked his tongue, getting up with no worry in the world, but made no action to leave, settling for observing and analyzing you way too intensely.

"Watch where the fuck you're going, idiot." The man of the hour, the guy you've defended in front of your friend just screamed at you as he dusted off the imprint of your shoe left on his pants. Meanwhile you just paled in place before regaining your composture.

"Why are you sitting on the floor?" You said, tilting your head with a frown, already knowing you will not apologize.

Unimpressed by what was going on, even if you truly couldn't point out what really was going on, you made an attempt to move past him towards the vending machines not far behind, but he caught your arm in a firm grip.

You blinked stupidly at the skin contact.

"Heard you were talkin' shit."

Your stomach dropped. Legs almost gave up too if it weren't for his iron grip holding you still. In the silence and at the satisfaction of the reaction you let out, he smirked and raised his chin, only Mei's singing voice coming from her workshop could be heard. Realization hit you. Hit you? Bitchslapped you in the face and left a mark for sure, because your cheeks started feeling heated, tingly.

He dragged you away, maybe to have the privacy to murder you in peace, but your common sense kicked in and you came back from the land of the mortified.

Much like he did before, action you saw with your two own eyes and repeated, you pulled out of his strong grip and stared as he turned towards you, mouth already opened to probably eat you alive.

"I wasn't talking shit about you, dude." You quickly spoke first.

"You don't fucking know me." He growled back, taking a step towards you but like hell you'd back down.

"Don't need to be besties to say what I said." Without understanding why he was so agitated, the only thing left to do after this beautiful turn of events was to defend the honor remaining in you, so you raised your chin to be at par with him. The action clearly took him by surprise, making him glare more, if even possible.

"I don't fucking appreciate when extras talk about me behind my back!"

"I don't give a shit what you appreciate, dude." Your laugh was the complete opposite of his menacing loud voice, like ying and yang.

"Bakugou, the name's fucking Bakugou, you extra!" Bakugou recovered quickly at your snappy self, getting more bothered as you talked.

"Okay, dude." His hands fisted, shaking in place as he stared you down but did not continue.

Silence; the hallway was now filled with silence as he boiled in his own anger and as you raised your brows in confusion. Now what? Was it time to leave? You've never met anyone like him, this was peculiar—

"NOW IT'S WHEN YOU FUCKING TELL ME YOUR SHITTY NAME, YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!"

A second passes; two; at the third you're wheezing your lungs out, laughing at the ridiculousness of the scenario.

"What the fuck are you LAUGHING AT?!" His voice got louder just to top your howling. You did not expect that.

Through a sigh, regaining your breath, you say "It's [L/N] [Y/N].", seeing him retreat in his form and cross his arms. He was still seizing you up.

"If you have shit to say to me, say it to my fucking face, understood?"

"I—... Say what now?"

"I—." He copied in a mock, getting an incredulous look from you. "You stupid or what?" Your upper lip lifted, ready to cuss him to infinity and beyond but he continued. "Like about that bitch from before and shit—" even if he still was loud, he placed his hands in his pockets and looked more interested in the way the tiles on the wall were placed instead of your person. "An' like you told the weirdo—"

No time to be shocked at the implied; his last word enraged you, making your body shake with rage. "Don't fucking dare to call her a weirdo ever again."

Like a challenge, he snapped his face back at you, ready to take it.

"Or what?"

"Listen here, fucker—" now that was a nice surprised face he was pulling. "Just because I gave you a pat on the back in there doesn't mean you can disrespect people just because you think you're the shit. You're not. Now get out of my fucking way." With a final push to his shoulder, your mind was focused on going to the infirmary, steam almost coming out of your nostrils.

"Hey, extra!"

Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him. went through your mind, marching away without a glance back. Not until—

"[L/N]! You're a healer, hah?" That's interesting. He stood where you left him, watching.

"What's it to you?"

Someone sane would've left at your tone but this guy walked towards you then showed you his arms, recently scratched. Images came back to you about the cafeteria incident but did not underst—... did he want to get healed?

You scoffed.

"They're scratches, dude."

"They annoy me. Now heal." All the energy you had left in your body was channeled towards the slow blink you threw at him, at which he scoffed. But they did look nasty— and Midori did them. It was a curse by itself to look down at your own arms and remember that face, so the guardian angel in you decided to take control and be the better person.

Gentle fingers barely tapped his muscular arm. Smile crept up on your lips, feeling absolutely delighted at his obvious stiffness at the skin contact and the clear interest in his eyes, specially when the scratches started disappearing into nothing, leaving smooth silk skin under.

"Hey— Wha— Where the fuck do you think you're going?!" raspy voice got lost in the distance and one thought in your head.

"Want a lollipop for being a good patient too?" You mock and his face explodes in all shapes of red. It would've been great to mock him more, enthralled by his reactions, but with that you turned and left, ignoring the tingling under your fingers that should not be there and your stomping heart.

Did he wait all the lunchbreak to talk to you?

—

A long queue was ahead of you, earning the longest sigh out of your lungs. Life was pain sometimes. Mei couldn't hang out, food was too far away, the delicious croissants Lunch Rush made ran out as far as you could see. Pain. Just pure pain.

And disappointment. When you walked away with your food in a bag, maybe to sit under a tree and enjoy some peace and quiet, you saw her. Midori sitting at a table you did not expect. At the same table where Ashido Mina, Denki Kaminari, Kirishima Eijirou and Hanta Sero sat at. Good people. Honest, good people about to get bitten by a snake. If she was there, then Bakugou decided—

"You. Sit."

Thinking about the boy somehow summoned him behind you. Food in hand and bored expression on his face, he passed you not without giving you a stink eye. Indeed, disappointment.

You shrugged, trying not to pay much attention to the pang in your heart as you moved forward, but a voice— his voice stopped you in your tracks.

"You. Get the fuck out of my face." His growl made everyone around him turn to watch, you being one of them. There was no excuse to what came next, no way to run away past it and dissappear. He nodded his head at you out of all people and pointed at the seat still occupied by Midori; her purple eyes big, shocked, running between your frame and the blond's.

Do you know what it felt to be put in the spotlight without warning? Well, congratulations because that was your life now.

"Ba—Bakugou-san?" Her voice, now highed up and meek followed, then a small scream as Bakugou slammed his food on the table. His friends sat there, wide-eyed, but made no attempt to interrupt.

"Did I fucking stutter, bitch? Or want me to turn into a rabid dog for fucking real?"

You choked on your own spit, bag of goodies about to drop on the floor once you saw her horrified face. She knew that he knew. And when her pale eyes, filled with sudden malice, act dropped, turned to you it's when you realized she figured out where he found out from.

Not like you cared, really, but the little shit that always had to poke out every time she was in the same room as you decided to finally show up, making you wave and send her a wink.

"I said MOVE!" now— that growl, raspy and filled with anger startled her. The orange juice in her hands spilled all over her uniform and woke her up from whatever delusion she was in. With zero time to reconsider, every belonging of hers was picked up with trembling hands and she ran away to her group of cockroaches.

A smile was already settled on your face; your brain was storing that whole interaction deep within, ready to bring it back up whenever you needed a good laugh.

Life was pain and disappointment, you say? No. Life was great. Or more importantly, Bakugou was. Not like he needed to know. But he was a decent guy as he proved—

"THE FUCK YOU STANDING THERE LIKE A DUMBASS?! I SAID SIT!" —to be a pain in the fucking ass and the bane of your existence.

You gave him a face then turned to walk away, even rushing more when you heard his chair screeching on the floor. The exit was so close, so near, freedom never felt this great, the sunlight kissing your skin giving you a new hope to live. But not for long because he grabbed your hand and started dragging you towards his table.

Your hand was in his hand and he was dragging you—

Your hand— his big, warm, a little bit sweaty hand—

How could you ruin such a beautiful moment? Eyes on you two, shocked, silence, his adorable red ears being the only thing you could see as he was completely in front of you, still dragging you towards his friends...

"Did you wait all lunchbreak yesterday to talk to me?" You collided into him as you finished the sentence, his way taller form stiffened so much you felt you single-handedly broke Bakugou Katsuki for good.

But when he turned... Oh, when he turned. Biggest deer-caught-in-the-headlights eyes you've ever seen on anyone, cheeks painted so red you almost melted in the spot, lips trembling as his head worked a thousand miles per second just to find a retort. And you prepared yourself for—

"NO, I FUCKING DIDN'T! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU FUCKING EXTRA? I'D NEVER WAIT FOR SOMEONE LIKE YO— ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME!" Mina's waving hand caught your attention and smiled at her. Your hand was still in his, gripped harshly as he still hasn't noticed it's still there.

"Hey! [L/N], long time no see!" She cheered, ignoring the living shit out of her screaming friend, like she's used to it.

"FUCKING LOOK AT ME WHEN I TALK TO YOU—"

"Hey, chill, dude. Now let go of my hand, I wanna talk to Ashido." You smiled sweetly, making extra effort to wave your linked hands arond until he finally noticed. He zapped his hand away so fast, like he's been bitten by a wild animal. Maybe even a rabid dog, if you will.

You couldn't ignore your own flustered state as you walked past him, giving him a one up, adding the absolute scandalized face he had into the back of your mind for safekeeping.

"Come sit with us!" The pinkette offered.

"Oh, hey, I know you! You're by Hatsume's workshop all the time!" Kirishima intervened with a surprised face that broke into a grin. "Nice to officially meet—"

"I fucking said." he appeared, sitting in front of you. "My name's Bakugou."

"Ok, dude, but I'm talking to someon—"

"BAKUGOU KATSUKI!" Could be heard from the stratosphere.

Note: I just realized Midori means Green [ fucking duh ] but I'm not gonna change the name or her description. I think her parents fucking up her name was the start of many accidents leading into the Midori we all know and hate. Also, I know you understand. We all know a Midori in our lives. Much love.

Note 2: I keep editing it but tumblr dot com slash Install App on Phone fucks my editing and switches paragraphs all around! If you find any PLEASE tell me, I'd really appreciate it!!!

[cicos-macos]

Bonnie + why Monty is more of a good guy than you thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will put everything below the checkmark. Warning: it is long. There is a LOT to talk about.

What we know about Bonnie:

And that's pretty much it.

Now,

Why Monty isn't the bad guy you claim he is:

The main accusations going around are based on MISSING, Understudy, Monty Golf AR-Cade and one of the Endings. Let's put them together.

This makes him the main suspect, yes? A jealous, envious animatronic willing to kill one of its own for success. Aggressive, destructive - he is the worst person you will ever know.

But there are a few issues with it, and people are not mentioning them whenever they theorize.

1. Monty Golf AR-Cade was mysteriously, and for no logical reason, suddenly found in the middle of the mini golf course. Nobody knows why, or who did it.

As we play through the game, the last area shows a scene where Monty is the lead (on the stage by Chica and Roxy), and Freddy is thrown in the trash.

Now, I must remind you: Monty did NOT develop this game, obviously. Also, it is NOT a "part of his subconsciousness", as they don't have any. They're robots.

So, someone ELSE has made the game. Someone else made that specific scene. And decided to put it in the middle of the golf course.

We find this message right next to Chica's minigame, which is reported to be constantly active, regardless of its power source.

Now that's not a normal arcade machine, if you ask me.

And then there's the ending, where the higher-ups actually make him the FACE OF THE FRANCHISE. A huge step from a golf mascot.

Someone wants to frame him as the bad guy.

And it was easy and simple. One single arcade game is all it took. "HE HATES FREDDY" being the main accusations thrown at him. People hate him. Despise him. People choke on it so much it became the main aspect of his character.

It worked.

2. Let's say he is the most evil, heinous, irredeemable villain in the history of FnaF.

Why would he willingly not participate in THE MAIN PERFORMANCES????

Not even rehearsals. MAIN PERFORMANCES. You know, the Big Deal of all musicians. The ONE thing you DON'T WANT TO MISS.

Ambitious people WOULD NOT do that. Ever. They'd be there. Proud and mighty, showing themselves to the world. ESPECIALLY if they succeeded.

Tell me: if you killed your coworker to be promoted and get a raise (which you DO get), would you start missing work?

No. You would be there every single day, 2 hours before your shift. You'd do EVERYTHING in your power to be there.

Then why does he keep running away, and where?

To the catwalks in Monty Golf.

That's his area. That's his home.

And that's where Bonnie went missing.

The catwalks have a FULL view of the whole golf course; every bot, every nook and every cranny. He can see everything and everyone lurking around.

The catwalks are accessible via the obnoxious Mazercize and literal VENTS.

A customer climbing through vents would surely result in a permanent ban. It's forbidden, restricted.

So, Monty has access to it.. and so does the S.T.A.F.F.

3. MONTY DID NOT HAVE THE CLAWS BEFORE BECOMING THE BASS!! There has been way too many people not understanding that. "He has claws, he could've easily killed Bonnie" no, he Did Not have them. Bonnie had them. He needed them to actually play the bass.

Monty became aggressive and destructive AFTER receiving the upgrade - and in result lashes out.

On what? Fences. Where? Below the Pizzaplex.

I'm sure you all know there are no fences in the main mall, the main attraction. There are doors locked with passes and security badges - but the tunnels below the mall are sealed via fences.

So, what's the purpose of fences? To seal something. To prevent you from going through.

In order to reach some very secret areas, Freddy needs Monty's claws to break through. Especially Vanny's secret hideouts.

Why would Monty go on a rampage below the mall every time after a performance he actually attends to? Why would he destroy the bots working there?

We know that the animatronics go to their rooms at night, and recharge/laze about until morning. Freddy makes it clear that it's a RULE and that they always obey it.

Why would Monty disobey his orders and willingly risk his own decommission by breaking through forbidden areas of the Pizzaplex?

We only see Monty breaking through the fences when he's searching for Gregory. Which means:

HE'S ACTIVELY LOOKING FOR BONNIE.

Why else would he miss his oh-so-desired performances and keep to the catwalks, looking down on the mini golf course? Why else would he break fences and bots under the mall, making the higher-ups spend plenty of money on repairs?

He saw what happened. And he was powerless to do anything. He had no claws, no high-jump feet, NOTHING to his name. He was just a golf mascot; unimportant, forgettable.

He is the ONLY ONE actively looking for him.

The only thing Freddy does is MENTION Bonnie. Twice, in fact, and the second time is just an emotional exclamation. Not a SINGLE effort put into finding him. NOTHING.

Bonnie wasn't found, in fact. There is no mention of his casing, his parts, his anything.

They just said he's "out of commission" and replaced him. And Freddy accepted that. Chica accepted that. NO ONE questioned ANYTHING.

If you ask me, being a main suspect for someone's demise + being forced to replace them + nobody doing anything to search or help or literally just TALK about it --- it would make me furious as well. It would make me lash out on everyone and everything.

So, there you go.

Monty cares about Bonnie more than Freddy. Where one mentions, the other actively searches. Where one mourns, the other risks his own decommission to unravel the mystery and clear his name.

Monty is, by far, better than Freddy. THE most complex character in the history of FnaF.

None of you are doing him justice.

[miss-smutty]

The Destructive Secret

Chapter 4

Summary- You've got a secret to hide and it's going to cause complete and utter devastation. It's only so long until your lies are going to catch up to you.

Pairing- Chris Hems x Reader x Liam Hems

Word count- 2,211

Warnings- Smut, swearing, angst, cheating

18+ Only!!

Disclaimer: This is an entire work of fiction/AU and has no affiliation to real life what so ever! This is a fictional story about fictional characters who happen to share names and faces with some real people.

Posted: 29th June 2021

Taglist:- @innerpaperexpertcloud @pandaxnienke @chickensarentcheap @mostly-marvel-musings @longlostinanotherworld

>The Destructive Secret Masterlist<

"No not married but you do know her. You know her really well actually." Chris says while avoiding your gaze purposefully...

You could cut the tension in the room with a knife, silence so acute you could hear a pin drop. Liam waiting for an answer, Chris looking at his feet and you looking visibly anxious. Chris had drank way too much and now he was about to let all of your secrets loose. This isn't the way you want Liam to find out, surely Chris wouldn't be so cruel.

"I suppose you're not gonna tell me who it is?" 

"Not just yet, see how we go." He looked at you, if he so much as even looked slightly smug you would have slapped him right across his face. Instead you could see the hurt in his eyes, tears welling in the corners. You're both faced with an impossible dilemma, Chris wants you all to himself but doesn't want to lose his brother in the process and you want it all over and done with but don't want to hurt Liam. The latter of both is inevitable but you would take all the blame just so Chris didn't have to lose his brother, given the choice you would lose them both just so that didn't happen.

"Well on that note, I need to go to bed. I've gotta be up early in the morning." You avoid Chris' gaze, you're angry with him but you don't want to cause him more pain. 

"Yeah me too. I better get going. Thank you for dinner Y/N, it was lovely."

You risk a short glance at him, you're eyes softening when they meet. The moment broken when Liam speaks, reminding you where you are and who you're with right at this moment in time.

"Are you for real? You're really going to drop a bombshell like that and then leave? Fuck man." Liam runs his hand through his hair, letting air out of his cheeks exasperatedly.

"Sorry bro, I'll save the excitement for another night. I've said too much already." Chris apologises with his eyes as he passes you, his hands twitching by his side's with the need to touch you.

                             ******************

The next morning when you wake, your heart sinks knowing all the turmoil you're going to have to go through just to make it to the hotel without being spotted. All the messing about and hiding you have to do, checking in under a false name at different times. Making sure nobody follows you to the hotel and especially no one follows Chris. Getting caught checking into the same hotel would be dreadful, it wouldn't take a genius for the press to put two and two together, they wouldn't even care if it was true or not as long as they sold copies.

"Right babe, I'm ready to go." You pull your suitcase towards the door, stopping to wrap your arms around Liam.

"Have a good time, I'll see you soon." Wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and lifting your feet from the ground in a squeezy hug. "I'll miss you." 

"I'll miss you too, bye babe." 

"Bye. Love you. Let me know when you get checked in." He kisses you goodbye before watching you leave.

"Will do, Love you." You say over your shoulder, climbing into your silver, Audi convertible.

This is the part you hate the most, the part that made you question whether it was all worth it. It was, of course or you wouldn't be doing it, you wouldn't put yourself through having to pretend to be somebody else and praying your not caught by anyone. It only takes one person to notice you and Chris in the same hotel and it's over. You imagine having an affair is hard work whatever your circumstances but when your boyfriend and your lover are as famous as they are it becomes impossible. It's terrifying. 

You spent the car journey constantly checking your mirrors and making sure you weren't being followed. A huge sunhat and even bigger sunglasses covering your face as your heart beated faster than you thought was possible. A couple of laps around the hotel, making doubly sure you weren't being followed before you finally pulled into the carpark.

You had to constantly think, you couldn't let your guard drop for even a moment and it was exhausting. You were ready for it to be over and done with now, this just isn't fun anymore. Maybe you could run away together and start a new life somewhere else. Which one would you pick though? Who are you ready to give up? Would there even be an option to choose? Would Liam even be willing to forgive you if he knew you were sleeping with his brother? In love with his brother.

Your heart beating out of your chest, your fight or flight well and truly kicking in now as you walk up to the front desk. If there's any recognition in the receptionists eyes you're ready to turn right around and leave. The girl behind the desk, with long blonde hair has her eyes on the computer In front of her, thankfully not paying you much attention as you stand and wait for her to finish.

"Hi I'd like to book a room for two nights please." You stutter nervously, subconsciously checking over your shoulder while you spoke.

"Of course, is it just for yourself?" 

"Yes please, I'm just here for a work conference. I'd like a double bed if possible though, I haven't been able to sleep in a single since I was young." You giggle nervously, embarrassed that you'd told her information she isn't even slightly interested in.

"No problem, I'll see what I have for you." Her eyes barely left her computer as she spoke, she definitely didn't recognise you. The tension in your muscles relaxed a little as your eyes scanned the lobby.

"What name is it please?" She asked, one of the moments you'd been dreading. You hate lying but luckily you'd already come up with the fake name you were using, one you'd already used many times before in the exact same situation. It never gets any easier.

"Jessica Crawley." The names tumbled from your lips, names that had absolutely no meaning to you. 

"Room 101, floor 5. Is there anything else I can help you with?" 

"No thank you, that's great." The overwhelming feeling of relief at completing step one without any problems, rushes over you. Adrenaline spiking, making your legs feel like jelly.

"You're welcome, enjoy your stay. Don't hesitate to let me know if you have any questions." The girl says, smiling sweetly at you before going back to her work.

The elevator seemed to take forever to make its way down to you, your feet shuffling as you watched the numbers above the door, counting down. The overwhelming need to get to privacy and away from the many prying eyes of the people in the lobby was severe. Most were business men and women, that were so consumed in themselves they weren't paying special attention to anyone around them. There were also young couples, making their way through the lobby, probably on their way for lunch but the people that worried you the most were the random loners sat in the armchairs scattered around the lobby. They'd chosen the perfect place to watch, some pretending to read newspapers while their eyes discreetly scanned over the top.

They were much more inquisitive, much like yourself they paid more attention to the people around them. People watchers you liked to call them, these are the sorts of people that make you nervous. They see everything, noticing any minor details, you'd spent a lifetime perfecting 'people watching' which is how you knew to be wary. You could pretty much judge a person's personality just by watching them for a couple of minutes. If anyone was to spot you it would be one of these people. You felt thankful you weren't Chris, there is absolutely no way he was going to make it to the elevator without being seen at least once.

                             *******************

Chris didn't feel quite as nervous as you, this was a every day occurance in his life, avoiding paparazzi was near impossible for him. As long as you weren't seen going in to the hotel then it wouldn't matter about him being seen. Still, he'd worn his baseball cap and sunglasses to at least try and hide his identity. He wasn't nervous about being seen but more about having to face you after his fuck up last night. Now that thought was way more intimidating to him.

Casually strolling into the hotel, he tried to ignore the whispers of the people around him. People questioning if it was really him, young girls barely out of high school giggling at the sight of him. Chris quietly prayed that he would make it up to the room without anyone asking for a photo, not that he usually minded but today all he wanted was to spend every possible minute with you as he could.

The receptionist tried to make a fuss when his identity was confirmed during check in. The pale skin of the same blonde girl who'd checked you in, had turned a rather bright shade of red when she heard Chris' sexy Australian accent. You wouldn't blame her, it still makes you swoon whenever you heard him speak.

"I'm fine honestly, I don't want any special treatment. Actually if I could get away with going completely unnoticed during my stay, I will speak to your boss myself and tell them how accomodating you'd been." 

"Oh wow, really? Thank you so much Mr Hemsworth. I will make sure nobody bothers you and if you need anything at all just give me a call, I'll make sure you won't have to leave your room for anything." Chris smiled, pretending not to notice how she seemed to be flirting with him, badly. Tossing her hair over shoulder as she insinuated not so subtly for him to let her know if he wanted any 'special' treatment. Again, you don't blame the girl, infact you would've commended her confidence.

She handed over the keys to the penthouse, watching bright eyed as he walked to the elevator, pulling out his phone as he stepped straight in. 

"Hi babe, I've booked the penthouse suite, meet me up there?" Smiling a tight lipped smile at the girl behind the desk, who was still watching him intently as the elevator doors closed.

"Ok, it isn't very inconspicuous staying in the penthouse is it?" You shouldn't be surprised, he does it everytime. You remember the first time you ever saw a penthouse and how amazed you were that it was actually bigger than your own home at the time. That was a memory you shared with Liam, all of your first times had been with Liam, the thought made your heart sink.

"I mean they knew who I was as soon as I walked in, I think it would look more suspicious if I didn't stay in a suite." Chris answered, pulling you from your thoughts.

"I suppose that's true, I'll be up soon." You could hear the sadness in your voice, something you had to snap out of before meeting Chris.

"Good because I can't wait to get my hands on you." 

Sinking back onto the spongey mattress of your bed, tiredness washing over you already. The mental exhaustion of constantly having to play games and be on your guard at all times, catching up to you as you're finally alone.

Maybe that's what you need afterall, a chance to be alone to gather your thoughts, to workout your own needs and wants without spreading your attention between the two brothers.

You make a mental list of the pros and cons of both of them knowing deep down if Liam were the one for you, you'd have never have looked twice at Chris. They were so similar in a lot of ways but completely different in others.

Liam was the sweetest man you knew, so gentle and caring, attentive to your every whim and being so young when you first got together he was everything you were looking for.

Now being a woman that has gone through so much trauma in her life that had tainted your soul, darkened it with a lust for more.

Then Chris came along, he was still sweet and caring but less attentive to your needs unless it was in the bedroom. He was cheeky and funny, drop dead gorgeous and oozing manliness effortlessly. He was fire and passion. He was more. 

If you let yourself admit it, you wanted excitement, which is how you ended up here in the first place. You didn't want perfect anymore, you wanted a man who could do wrong and then make up for it in the most fulfilling way he knew how. Just thinking about it made your pulse race, Chris had put you through hell last night and now it was time for payback. You imagined Chris only a couple of floors above you, worried about the way you were going to act when you saw him and lord knows how much you're going to make him sweat.                    

[my-mt-heart]

What are the odds of Caryl actually becoming canon? I mean, i know no one could know, but what do you think? Some days i think that they're becoming a couple for sure, but then other days I feel like TWD is gonna bullshit us again, and they're just gonna be friends for the spin-off you know? It's just thing of the mood. So how confident do you feel? Why?

You don't need me to tell you that bullshitting is this show's MO. It's probably a good idea to be prepared for disappointment. HOWEVER, if I'm reading all the context clues correctly, then I'd say there's a good chance their relationship will become romantic by the end of S11, especially knowing it's the last season. Maybe the writers weren't sure for a while what they wanted to do with them, but at the very least by season 9, getting them together appears to be the intended end goal. My evidence? 

-Daryl's "buried jealousy" in 9x01. I personally felt the subtext in their conversation at the Sanctuary was pretty damn clear, but thanks for the validation, Angela!

-Using Ezekiel and Connie as foils. "He's alright. Kinda corny." "Not a lot of good people like her left." Curious that the people Daryl and Carol think the other should be with are stark contrasts to themselves.  

-The tension and/or awkwardness in Daryl's and Ezekiel's interactions. The most blatant examples are in 9x16 when Ezekiel tells Daryl to stay away and in 10x11 when Daryl acknowledges they don't have much to talk about with each other. Other examples that might be less obvious are in 9x15 when Ezekiel, Carol, and Henry approach Daryl to invite him to stay at the kingdom. There is noticeable stiffness and hesitation. Also, 10x01, when Daryl and Ezekiel are waiting for Carol's boat to arrive. There has to be more to that exchange than finding out Ezekiel's afraid of birds, otherwise it's just a throwaway scene. 

-Carol's and Ezekiel's marriage constantly being underplayed. No wedding scene, no "basking in the afterglow" (together lol),  no "I love you" from Carol even though Ezekiel says it to her.  

-Daryl and Carol always alluding to their togetherness. “Run away together.”  "Since when are we not enough?" "A plan this stupid might as well be us." "We have a future." “I need to know we’re on the same team.” “We’re going to get through this together.”

-The bracelet and the acorn. Physical reminders that the other person is always with them, even when they are physically apart or when they're mad at each other. 

-Innuendos like "wanna frisk me," which are noticeably missing from Daryl's and Carol's interactions with certain other characters.

-Negan, the most perceptive character on the show, referring to Carol as Daryl’s girlfriend. 

Etc, etc, etc. 

Hopefully this doesn't rub anyone the wrong way, but in my humble opinion, pretty much every Daryl/Carol moment in earlier seasons could potentially be thought of as planting seeds in case the writers decided they want Carol and Daryl to become something more. S9 and S10 on the other hand feel very intentional, like they know exactly where they want these characters to end up, and now it's just a matter of getting there.  

[marshmallowprotection]

Inspired by the song "Flower of The Plateau" by Mothy, this story thats part of Ever Changing Fate (my story) doesn't have much of a connection to the main plot of ECF but I made it to flesh it out more and because why not.

You might have to zoom in on the picture to be able to read it- sorry oof.

Cast:

Oliver's full name is "Oliver Bortè".

"Chrysana" is not actually Chrysana's real name. Her real name is "Zaria Bortè". Her current full name is " Chrysana Orlov".

Marilla's full name as you would guess is "Marilla Orlov".

The Tsardom of Rinael is inspired by Russia. In case you didn't already know since I've mentioned Parie before, Parie is literally just a play on "Paris" and is insird by France. I'm pretty sure I've said that before but just mentioning for anyone else who read this.

Thus:

Chrysana is basically a French woman except France is in the southeast area of the planet and she abandoned her son and left him for dead before fleeing to Russia except it's in the northwestern area of the planet. She traveled very far away for a reason: it's so far out it would be impossible (so she thought) for anyone to find out who she really was.

Harlots (aka prostitutes for any who didn't know) are heavily discriminated against in Ever Changing Fate due to being seen as sinful even though most of them are only harlots because they need money, such as Chrysana. Chrysana ended up pregnant after being "without her consent used in a vulgar way", which is code for "being RP'd". She was heavily scarred and saw her son as a burning reminder of her experience. She never loved him but upon his birth she thought she could get used to him. But she soon realized that having a son was not very profitable because she couldn't afford to feed both herself and him, and the men she brought in didn't like having a kid around. Babies were too much work in her eyes at the time, and so she abandoned him and chose to completely erase her old identity as the harlot Zaria Bortè, and took on a new identity. In the years after she married the head of House Orlov in Rinael after fleeing there as a stowaway on a ship and had a daughter. But she nevr anticipated her son searching for her...

And so she had to maintain her new identity...

And that mean that anyone who knew of her past must be-

Since you read the text in the above picture, you kno what happened...

"The poor Oliver was found dead"

For your information Marilla was completely oblivious to Oliver being her older brother and her mother not being who she pretended to be, along with Duke Orlov who was also oblivious to everything.

Chrysana faked her entire personality as "Chrysana Orlov" when in reality her true self as "Zaria Bortè" was a cynical, scarred woman who hated the world, and was nearly unapproachable. Due to this in order to survive Chrysana knew she had to forge a new personality for herself which was joyful, social, happy, etc, and thus is why she became known as the "Joy of Rinael" due to the fact Rinael was constantly a gloomy land of snow, so someone who was optimistic and happy was sort of just foreign to them.

Other facts:

Chrysana was an orphan. She had been homeless her entire life until she fled to Rinael. She had found and decided to live in an abandoned house that she had fixed up herself and lit up with candles a few years before Oliver was born, when she was 14.

Yes, Chrysana had been a harlot even before she was of age; she became one when she was 12. "It was all to survive" is what she told herself even though she hated everything, her life, the men, the world...

Chrysana was 19 when she had Oliver.

Oliver is aproximately 6 years older than Marilla.

Marilla actually really wanted a sibling and would have loved having Oliver as her older brother. She got a baby sister a year after Oliver's death and a baby brother another two years after that.

Chrysana and Marilla's appearance is somewhat inspired by Hatsune Miku, mostly Marilla with her pigtails and hair color.

The rose on the headband that Chrysana is wearing is a black rose.

Chrysana's birth name and fake name are both flower names; Chrysana comes from Chrysanthemum and Zaria either is a flower or means flower in some other language, I forget. Marilla is another name for the flower Amaryllis.

Orlov was a noble family in the Russian Empire way back.

Vasily is a common Russian name, I believe.

Duke Vasily Orlov had strawberry blonde hair and purple eyes. He was younger than Chrysana by two years and had loved her nearly ever since she had moved to Rinael. Considering he was was 19 when she moved to Rinael, his teenage hormones were still all over the place and genuinely his crush on her was a childish one at first.

Chrysana despises intercourse nowadays but does it anyway to keep up her farce and to satisfy Vasily.

Chrysana genuinely loves Vasily but the relationship can be strained because of her trauma, fake identity, and fake personality.

Chrysana murdered several other men who happened to be people she slept with years earlier if she saw them whether she was in Rinael or visiting somehwere else because she wants to annihilate all record of her past.

By the time she died Chrysana had murdered about half of the men she slept with in the past.

Chrysana lived in the 1200s T.C., 350~ years before the Second Great Theda Civil War and main plot of Ever Changing Fate.

Chrysana's descendants (specifically Marilla's line) eventually married into the royal family of Rinael and several of the members of the royal family ended up bearing her hair color and or eye color due to it being very dominant throughout her bloodline.

If anyone found out she had been a harlot many years later there would be a bit of a scandal about it in the royal family, how big it would be would depend on how far down the line her descendants are at whenever it was discovered. However, her being a harlot was never found out by anyone.

One of the greatest rulers of Rinael bore both Chrysana's hair and eye color. He lived in the 1400s.

Chrysana became a writer later in her life (Around her mid 40s) and wrote a story that was actually based on her past identity. She wrote it in order to get out everything that she had pent up inside of her. She lied to everyone whenever asked that the entire story was fictitious and was based on many stories with several elements pulled from other stories to make it. It was called "The Tragedy of The Harlot Catria". Catria was the name of Chrysana's mother who was also a harlot according to the records Chrysana managed to find about her. She of course claimed that the records she looked at of Catria were just for her story- in reality Chrysana just desperately wished to know anything about her that she could because she never met her since her mother died in childbirth.

Chrysana knew her mother's name because of a locket that she had held onto since she could remember which had the inscription "Love from mama, Catria, to her lovely daughter, Zaria".

Chrysana's mother was a victim of RP just like Chrysana.

Chrysana's eye color is from her mother, her hair is from her father.

Chrysana met her father once and promptly beat him up for everything he did to her mother and never carung about her. However, he didn't know she was his daughter and she didn't kill him because he was a nobleman of Parie and it would have ended badly for Rinael because it could have caused rumors about him being killed by a Rinaelian nobleman/woman or she could have gotten found out.

Rinael and Parie don't like each other very much. :/

I personally like that you've been building on the character designs because it's really starting to come together in a really beautiful kind of way. The way that you're able to draw hair and the way that the environment affects it is just really telling of the characters in a lot more ways than you realize. It stands out more than just color theory in general.

Posture is one thing but you can see a lot just from the way that someone Styles themselves and just by looking at these characters you can tell that they have this specific energy to them. It's not standoffish. But it's definitely something in the realm of uneasy and uncertain.

I just want to say that these guys have been going through so much and their universe that it is kind of tedious. Can everyone in this room just get along for 5 minutes to have a group hug or something?

[keiscait]

Hello!! Could I get a haikyuu living room matchup? 🥺💞

I'm 5'5 and have short, green hair, I use any pronouns, preferably they/them though and I'm bisexual! Though I'd prefer male for this matchup! I've been told I can look pretty intimidating, but I'm actually very anxious and touchstarved :') I'm only cold towards people I don't like, but I'm very protective of people I care about! after getting comfortable with someone, I'll be quite touchy since my love language is touch. I can be pretty stubborn and quite well at arguments, so I'll always stand my ground! By zodiac I'm a Sun Taurus, Moon Sagittarius and have an Aquarius rising.

In a partner I'm looking for someone who I can have fun with, joke around, but someone who knows how to be serious when it's needed. Someone who's patient, and pretty emotionally open. I'd like to be able to cuddle with them, and I have sudden bursts where I need reassurance or touch.

I'm resending mine, since reading the latest post I've taken off a portion of my last request! I hope I got everything right this time! -🌿

Hello and welcome, my darling! I’m so sorry for the crazy delay, I hope you’re still here with us. Thank you so much for being so considerate and resending your request to fit with the rules. I won’t make you wait any longer then! Let’s get right to the living room! ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

Here in the living room, we’re joined by..

(Runner up: Sugawara Koushi)

Oikawa is one of the biggest people-pleasers ever. He’s persistent on tearing down others’ walls, and does so quite skillfully that it’s become second nature to him. While it’s expected of him to be deceptive, he keeps up his sincerity and takes great care with everything he does. 

- OIKAWA IS A FRICKING DISNEY PRINCE 

- ok i just had to get that out of my system

- anyway

- He’d totally get on your nerves at first coz that’s what he’s good at

- kidding again

- I think the fact that you’re cold and intimidating is actually what draws him to you

- Perhaps at first it’ll be for his own selfish reasons, such as wanting to prove to himself that he can get along with anyone, but eventually he’ll be in too deep

- He will succeed at winning you over, so you start opening up to him bit by bit, so he’s like fuck yea. im a god. mission accomplished 😌

- But just when he thinks it’s over, suddenly he finds himself wondering where you are, what you’re doing, why he isn’t with you righT THIS MOMENT

- Then he catches himself and he’s like “Hahahaha, pull yourself together, Tooru 😅”

- But one day, maybe when he’s really stressed out, he stomps out to get some air, and there you are! Looking as radiant as ever! Oh how comforting your presence is and wow did you change your hair he never noticed how it frames your face so wel-- shit.

- He grows quieter than usual as he realizes how taken he is with you

- He considers distancing himself from you because of his pride, but realizes that it’s useless because he just c a n n o t stay away

- SLICK AS HELL WITH HIS CONFESSION. CHANGE MY MIND

- Although this doesn’t change the fact that he was so nervous to admit it

- He is so so so so affectionate, and this will be consistent no matter how much you poke fun at him

- He embraces your stubbornness and how good you are at arguing. He’s used to Iwaizumi, who is similar, and I would go as far as saying he adores this dynamic

- Showers you with praise and affection, and makes sure you don’t ever doubt his feelings for you

- He tries to put a little extra effort into this, and at first glance, it may seem like it’s just coz that’s how he really is, but it’s also because he knows he has a lot of touchy fans who may try to get in the way of your relationship, so this is how he makes it up to you

- Does not hesitate to show you off too. I headcanon that he has a perfectly curated Instagram feed, and takes the most aesthetic couple photos (thanks as well to Takeru who you help babysit sometimes)

- ALWAYS picks you up and drops you off for dates. Non-negotiable for him

- HANDSYYYYY

~

It’s been 3 hours.

He’s been serving, spiking, tossing for 3 whole hours.

This was how he blew off steam - repetitively trying to prove to himself that it wasn’t because he’s incompetent. 

I didn’t lead my team into defeat, he tries to swallow. I didn’t fail them. These thoughts plagued him loudly, completely drowning out whatever sounds surrounded him at the moment.

Volleyballs littered the court; a billowing clap echoing through the gym from the impact of each spike. This has become a routine he has with himself when suffering a loss - he channels his restlessness into practice until he has no other but to rest. Anyway, he’s used to picking himself back up every time, realizing that some things are beyond his control, but he knows he has to let himself ride this wave of uneasiness. And what a mighty wave it was today.

He toppled over out of exhaustion. He sat on the floor of the empty gym, head bowing down, trying to catch his breath from overexertion. With palms faced up, nearly purple from all the friction, he didn’t even notice how numb they’ve gotten. He had to admit he was being a little cruel with himself today.

“Finally had enough?”

He was jolted out of his wallowing by the familiar consolation of your voice. His head whipped to look over his shoulder, and there you stood - the very subject of his affection. Somehow, even with concern pooling from your eyes, fondness still curved over your lips. Just the sight of you made the ringing in his ears stop, and he was now wrapped in a warm silence - like the heat from a fireplace after hours in a blizzard. 

You walked over to where he sat, finding a spot on the floor across him. You reached out and held his hands in yours.

“Go easy on yourself,” you pleaded as you studied his callouses, “I don’t like seeing you like this.”

He sighed as you started to trace shapes on his palms. “I don’t know how else to quiet my thoughts, dearest,” he tried to explain, “this is what I’ve always done to make myself feel better.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “And how’s that working out for ya, Mr. Hotshot?” Your tone was playful, clearly referring to the sorry state of his hands. Even your teasing brought some slight comfort to him, like it was a reminder that everything else in his life remains the same. 

“You know, you and I are a team, right?”

He blinked at your words. His mouth was slightly parted, about to question the intent behind them, but right then, it hit him.

He was no longer alone. Years spent trying to be an icon, an image, an idea for others to project themselves on; a person who was worth looking up to, who was worthy of being put on a pedestal - these were the things he had always worked towards, carrying this weight on his shoulders by himself. But these were the same things that got him to where he is now: soaked with sweat, barely able to catch his breath, hands swelling from a numbing pain.

Now, it was different. He no longer felt the need to prove himself constantly. The fear of not being enough no longer lingers, and nothing worries him in the middle of the night when he lets his own walls down. He now knows that when his hands are grasping for relief, they don’t have to be numbed by electrifying pain. You’ll be right there, as you are now - soothing circles into his skin, quieting the voices that plague him even when there’s no one in the stands.

~

I hope you liked that, dear! Please don’t hesitate to sit and have a chat with me any day.

Thanks for stopping by! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ