#// sometimes my self promo tag reminds me of things that i needed to be reminded of

[naranjapetrificada]

Time for another Fanfic Friday!

Let's get the obligatory self-promo out of the way: Monday night, just before bedtime, I finally posted Chapter 2 of my bizarre little gay pirates arranged marriage ancient-world-inspired AU From the Firmament. I get if you don't trust WIPs, or don't think it's for you, and I'll be the first to tell you it's unusual. But if you find your curiosity piqued at all, maybe you should give it a whirl? If being in the OFMD fandom has taught me anything, it's that even things that are certifiably Not Your Thing can surprise the hell out of you.

Onto the recs (including one that absolutely wasn't My Thing and a non-OFMD rec)! Here's what I've been reading lately:

1) Of the AUs that should be "definitely Not My Thing", Wanna Fly Away is probably the least My Thing I've encountered. It absolutely, positively should not be something I'd ever consider reading, no matter how much I trust @petrichorca not to lead me astray. Monsterfucking? Nope, absolutely not for me, but blessings upon all who enjoy it. And Animorphs? I mean really, Animorphs???

So anyway I'm on Chapter 9 now, although I'll admit to having skimmed the final chapter many moons ago out of curiosity. I do that sometimes because I'm generally spoiler agnostic and sometimes I need to know ahead of time if a certain story will leave me existentially devastated. Jury's still out tbh! Crucially though, even after skimming the last chapter, I didn't start reading. What actually got me to read the fic proper was this separate one-shot that looked at Stede's character before leaving his life behind. That reminded me in a lot of ways of this pre-canon fic I've long appreciated, and that sealed the deal.

2) Next, for something ENTIRELY in the canon universe, I've been following the gentle, meditative innkeepers-era fic The Waters Around You by eimeo (not sure if they're on tumblr) and it's made for really rewarding reading. There's still plenty of work our boys need to do, but for once they actually have time to do it!

3) I've also been trying to catch up on my OMG THEY'RE ✨BOYFRIENDS✨ fics and one I heartily recommend is Tenderly the Light by the one and only @darcylindbergh, which perfectly captures that effervescent feeling you know they both had during the boyfriends scene while also not forgetting that they have to go out there and escape the British while also just being so full of LIFE. Pitch perfect.

4) Next up is the recently reposted Powder Blue by @scarrletmoon. It's a modern AU which I missed the first time around because I wasn't in the fandom yet (if such a time ever existed). Heed the tags going in, but if you're like me and heard so much about it after it got taken down, you'll absolutely want to check it out now. In particular, I love how like, grounded I feel inside Ed as a character, and how the in-world power dynamics replicate for a reader how Stede's specific brand of inscrutability would have felt to Canon Ed, who doesn't have the benefit of knowing how Stede feels. There's that little bit of distance there that just makes everything a bit more...more, I guess.

5) Lastly, for those of us anxiously awaiting the latest update to @moonyinpisces's phenomenal GO fix-it How Do We Turn On The Light (brb refreshing my email again), I want to recommend Talk to Me of Things to Come by Atsuki, which visits Crowley and Aziraphale on New Years Eve, 1988. It's flirty and sweet (although I definitely would not call it "fluff") and has some S-tier Aziraphale pining if you're into that. Not even sure how I found it tbh but I must have been throwing GO fics at the void where Chapter 16 of HDWTOTL waits to melt our collective minds.

Happy Friday, and happy reading!

[vidavalor]

Bucky’s dual-era dog tags in TFATWS (and when & where he decides to wear them) are giving me some SamBucky-related vibes...

...in addition to the just interesting stuff related to Bucky’s various identity issues. So let’s talk the dog tags. 

First things first, these really do not seem like they’re Steve’s dog tags-- they’re Bucky’s own. Why? Look at the promo still below which is the best view I’ve seen of them in TFATWS. Notice that they are not of the same era. One of the dog tags is a WW2-era tag-- the darker, wider one is not only period-accurate for WW2, it’s identical to the ones Bucky was wearing during WW2 in the movie canon already, most visibly in the “let’s hear it for Captain America!” moment. The *other* dog tag Bucky is wearing in TFATWS, though, is of a more modern issue. It is the kind that would be made for soldiers now and over the last couple of decades. So, how does that mean that they’re Bucky’s and not just Steve’s and what does this have to do with Sam? 

Dog tags are only meant to be separated off the chain in the case of death, as everyone probably knows. Soldiers wear two tags with the same information on them into battle so that one remains on them if they die and the other can be pulled off the chain as proof of a fallen soldier during battle, with the army then usually passing the single chain to next of kin. If Bucky were wearing a pair of WW2-era dog tags in TFATWS, I’d say it was more possible that he was wearing Steve’s tags because Steve didn’t actually have them on when he went into the ice so, somewhere, Steve’s pair of WW2-era dog tags exist as a set, still on the chain. They probably wound up in the Smithsonian at some point but back to Bucky-- his, based on the canon we know, would have been separated after the freight car. 

Bucky was wearing his dog tags when he fell off the train car because he was at war. We know that the Russians found Bucky and then handed him back over to Zola. The Russians, to cover this up, would have taken one of Bucky’s dog tags and given it to the U.S. Army, claiming that they had found them washed up on the shore near where he fell or something. What did the U.S. Army do then? They didn’t know what Zola had done to Bucky beforehand that would enable him to survive the fall so they wouldn’t think to question the Russians on this-- they’d just be like hey, thanks for this and we’ll continue to do the same for you. They would have taken the dog tag and marked Bucky off as dead and then done the next thing, which is to give the dog tag to the soldier’s next of kin. 

Bucky died during war time and everyone knew he and Steve had been friends before the war so whatever general got the dog tag probably just gave it to Steve. Steve *could* have given it to Bucky’s sister at some point-- and we know she exists in the MCU because Bucky briefly mentioned her in TFATWS but we don’t know if he’s gone to see her yet-- but we also have no idea what she’s like in the MCU or if Steve might have just decided to keep the dog tag for himself. Given the trauma Steve went through of witnessing Bucky’s death and them not finding Bucky’s body, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume that even if Steve was the one who told Rebecca about Bucky’s death and all that, that he kept Bucky’s dog tag. The other one, that was on Bucky at the time when he was given back to Zola, was destroyed by Zola during him being brainwashed into The Winter Soldier. 

So, maybe through seeing Rebecca but probably really through Steve, Bucky gets one of his WW2 era dog tags back. Given that he isn’t seen wearing dog tags again until TFATWS, it’s likely that Steve gave it back to Bucky sometime in the Endgame aftermath before Steve went back in time. Let’s unpack how Steve’s heart was in the right place but that was a bit of a loaded gift here...

Free from being brainwashed-- as free as he’s been *since* WW2 anyway-- Bucky is essentially handed by Steve the symbol of what he just can’t be anymore-- that guy that Steve used to know. He’s still somewhat that guy but he’s been through so much that he’s not going to ever go back. Steve is into going back-- back to the same girl, back to the same era, back to a time when things felt less confusing and safer to him, where things will hurt less. Bucky has always been the absolute opposite of this-- while Steve was always desperate to fit the mode of the model man of the WW2 era, Bucky-- a good-looking, able-bodied soldier who can hot-blooded American male with the best of them-- was never a man of his time, always a bit ahead of it. Steve is Captain America-- Bucky is Captain World of Tomorrow. He’s more realistic about what America is because as a guy putting on a show for the world to pass in the society that Steve worships, Bucky has a very different perspective on all of it than Steve did. (See also, obviously, why Bucky and Sam understand one another and are better for one another than either of them with Steve.) Bucky is touched that Steve had this and is trying to do something nice by giving it back to him but it’s the singular dog tag bearing ‘James Buchanan Barnes’ like it’s literally being his own next of kin at this point as Steve’s about to go back into time-- it’s being handed a reminder of the demise of his sense of self and his *literal almost actual death* right when he’s trying to figure out how he’s going to view himself and what he’s going to do in this world now that he’s going to stay in the present. 

So, he’s not wearing it. He doesn’t really know what to do with it. He’s with Sam at the time (maybe not *with* Sam but I mean they’re sharing a lot of the same space, either at the Avengers compound or Sam’s apartment, in the whole Endgame aftermath time period but pre-TFATWS) and Sam sees it and Bucky tells him he’s putting it away because he can’t wear it. Steve was trying to do a nice thing but Bucky’s like I can’t wear one of these things, my old WW2 one-- it’d be like I was a walking corpse. Sam agrees. So, from here two things could have happened...

One is that Bucky could have made the decision to just get himself a modern secondary tag but keep in mind that Dr. Raynor actually had to clear Bucky for active duty and that wouldn’t have happened right away. More importantly, some military guys basically never take off their dog tags but we have evidence that Bucky used to actually *not* be like this so much. While he had them on during the war, much has been made (and should be made, for sure) about how Bucky’s wardrobe changes after his first encounter with Zola compared to when he first left for war. The Bucky in uniform on the double date with Steve is spiffy and spotless; the Bucky in the bar with Peggy and the Howlies is barely hanging on. The most major difference is how much he pushes his uniform away from his neck and stops wearing a hat-- some have theorized that Zola was trying an early version of the mind crown on Bucky before Steve found him, prompting Bucky to develop a trauma-induced need to have things away from his neck. 

This actually doesn’t change that much after Civil War, when he’s free from his handlers and on the run. By necessity, there’s a baseball cap at times but he wears a lot of henleys and there’s not actually any necklaces or dog tags until TFATWS. So, what changes? The addition of the modern tag and his reclaiming of the idea of being a soldier. So, the two options for how Bucky got the modern dog tag are really either a) he went and had one made for himself or b) Sam gave it to him. Let’s look at why the former would be kind of a healthy choice for Bucky but why it’s probably not likely to be what happened. 

One scene that stands out for me is the single scene in TFATWS where it’s really obvious that Bucky is *not* wearing the dog tags. They show up all over the place-- he has them on for basically the entire series. He’s even *sleeping* in them, waking up with them on during a nightmare where they’re prominent in the scene and then also in its contrasting scene, on the couch in Delacroix. So, the one scene we don’t see Bucky wearing them? His first therapy scene with Raynor. 

It’s made pretty clear that while Bucky got a thing or two out of his time with Raynor, it’s not really because of Raynor herself, who is basically a terrible trauma therapist. It’s also clear that Bucky doesn’t trust her and for good reason. We see that he really shouldn’t-- she’s forcing him into rules he can’t actually live by instead of helping him find ways through those scenarios when they invitably pop up (“don’t hurt anyone” is a recipe for failure) and she’s treating a man violated in every way under the sun in a way that’s invasive. She’s monitoring his phone. She threatens his compliance by *bringing out a book that she’s writing his secrets in* like... this isn’t the healthiest scenario here. What we also see is that Bucky subtly rebels against her. He somehow got himself cleared for active duty by her so he’s been b.s.ing her. He is later seen with a smart phone he knows how to use at Zemo’s (and had to have something on which he was online dating profile perusing) but Raynor thinks he just owns an old flip phone. So, it’s something really interesting that this is the one scene where we can’t see the chain of his dog tags. Why? Why doesn’t he want Raynor to know about them? 

Because he’s hiding what they mean to him. If he wore them in, he’d have to talk to her about them. The dog tags represent his real efforts to reconcile his identity and what he wants that to look like-- he’s vulnerable about them because they represent what little hope he has left. If Bucky had gone out and gotten that modern dog tag for himself and began wearing them, it’d be something healthy to share with Raynor. He’d want to show it off, all eager to show the doc the decision she’d see as healthy and let her analyze it with him. We know that Bucky is struggling to reconcile his identity-- it’s literally his whole story arc in TFATWS-- and yet, he’s wearing dog tags that cut to the chase of it, in a lot of ways. Which is why those dog tags were on in New York all the time except for with Raynor-- why he wore them to bed, even-- and why he leaves them on when he goes to see Sam. 

Sam got Bucky that newer tag. Probably when Raynor cleared him as a congratulations thing or maybe just when he saw Bucky left with a friend who went back in time and left him with nothing but a notebook of things to check out and a corpse necklace and felt for him. In essence, Bucky is wearing around another pair of dual identities in TFATWS-- the Bucky who died in WW2 and the Bucky who is still alive again now in the present-- as given back/given to him and represented by the once and future Captain Americas, who also happen to be the guys he’s loved (in different ways) the most in his life. That he’s wearing them is a sign that he wants to be Sgt. Barnes again-- this newer version of himself. It’s progress from the man who shuddered at stuff around his neck and TFATWS shows us that in other scenes as well, in other ways (his hoodie & jacket combo when they go to talk to Zemo; his signature jacket with a higher collar than we’ve seen him in since he left for war.) The wardrobe choices show an evolution-- a willingness to try to a new place of managing what he’s been through. 

But wearing those dog tags around Sam in TFATWS? (And wearing them when he and Sam weren’t really communicating ahead of it?) Yeah. The parallel to Bucky showing up in Delacroix with a whole new outfit for Sam’s new identity as Captain America is that it was Sam who gave Bucky the modern half of his dog tags (and the chain, which is lighter silver and from the present era) and that’s why Bucky has been wearing them. Steve gave him a reminder of the guy he used to be, even if that guy was still pretty dead but Sam gave him a duplicate-- one that represented the guy who belongs to more modern times and is alive. One tag is death; two is life. 

[raayllum]

so, i was really thinking it was over and that things could just fade away, and everyone involved could move on to be happier, healthier, people. but apparently not, because @thearcadialedger / lettersfromxadia posted this. 

so i might as well out myself and say that yeah, i am the “cruel and unaccepting” ‘friend’ who blocked her over a personal & political  disagreement, and fully intended to keep the entire thing to myself, until now. and here’s why.

1) anyone who’s followed me knows that first and foremost, i take curation of my internet experience very seriously. as i should; it’s my responsibility first and foremost to make sure i’m not continually exposing myself to things that are upsetting. i follow around 200 people on tumblr, period. i unfollow regularly because i can still reblog the content i want from someone by checking the main tags for the content i want to see. i block profusely; terfs, aphobes, people with fandom opinions i’m very tired of seeing, etc. sometimes even pre-emptively. why not cut off a negative interaction before it can begin, like blocking aphobes ahead of time so i never have to see them in the ace tag more than once, right? my dashboard, my responsibility.

2) at the end of the day, i have to be my first priority. that is not to say that i never put other people’s feelings over my own or prioritize people over myself. i do, regularly. i have been the therapist friend on more than one occasion. but staying in relationships or friendships that are not mutually beneficial is putting someone else ahead of myself and at immense detriment to myself. 

3) i do not have to entertain (or respect) every single viewpoint in experience. as a queer woman, i do not have to debate or tolerate people who are scarily homophobic. as a white woman, i need to get rid of my white fragility and listen to the people of colour around me, both friend and stranger, regardless of how uncomfortable it may make me. 

what happened with thearcadialedger was we had, in my eyes, a friendly acquaintanceship over a series of 4-5 or so months. (i would not call that longterm.) she wanted to get her blog(s) off the ground and i was happy to help and offered promos. she asked if i would join her on her podcast and i offered to bring another fandom friend along as well. i repeatedly had to talk her out of self loathing spirals and be an emotional therapist. my attempts to offer emotional support were repeatedly shut down and ignored and we quickly found ourselves in a cycle in which my own mental health suffered. i offered advice both emotionally and in a fandom perspective. whenever i reminded her that having fun over followers was the most important, and that internal validation was crucial, she flat out ignored me and said things like “yeah but you already have a following” as though 1) tumblr clout is real (it isn’t) and 2) like i hadn’t already built that from the ground up over a 2+ year timespan and that my work/effort was somehow worth less just because it had ‘worked’. she consistently wanted more validation and attention (which, fair, because everyone wants those things, but) in a way and with a mindset that was decidedly unhealthy as it was something she was pouring a lot of self worth into. 

she blocked me for a brief stint because i was reblogging things (on my main) that criticized negative aspects of cultural christianity and then had to explain to her, once she had unblocked me, that 1) i don’t hate christians and i was raised as one, and 2) critique of something she belongs to is not a personal attack on her. 53% of white women voted for donald trump. white women (the demographic i belong to) is the demographic i hate the most on a political (societal) level. i am a canadian liberal; that means american liberals are like our centrists.

then, one day around 2ish months ago if i recall correctly, thearcadialedger reblogged something related to black lives matter protests. i cannot remember the post, but i do remember it being the last straw. we had disagreed in the past over gun laws (ex: she didn’t have a problem with guns and i am very anti gun - particularly because it’s easier to smuggle guns into canada from the usa which also puts us, a country with firm gun control, at risk). 

this post, however, was reblogged from right wing conservatives, condemning the protests as violent. she also reblogged and added a comment along the lines of “my thoughts and prayers to all those negatively affected by the protests, as well as the protesters.” ie. my thoughts and prayers to cops, ie. property damage is more important than black lives, ie. the protesters who are protesting police brutality and being gunned down by cops at those protests are an afterthought. and it wasn’t a one time thing, either.

i was like, alright, this relationship already isn’t positive to me, this is a shitty political opinion, i don’t feel like being an educator, and if i talk to her beforehand she’ll probably try to either guilt me or berate me, neither of which i want. so it was time to block and leave.

she then proceeded to repeatedly shit talk me and drag me through the mud to a mutual we both shared and a friend of mine, saying that my dislike of conservatives and their policies was the same as threatening to kill her and her family and that i had told her to kill herself (both of which i had absolutely done no such thing). she called me a bigot, among other nasty names. but again, the most concerning things were her political opinions and own defensiveness, which came out in full force.

she said things (and have said them in the past to me) that indicates that she, a white girl, truly and honestly considers conservatives to be her “people,” that conservatives face oppression here and in real life, and that people are “privileged to be a liberal on this site” and she couldn’t “expect [people who are actually oppressed] to understand or know” what that feels like. that it was bigoted of me to dislike and be frustrated with a group of people who have repeatedly campaigned against the rights of black people, women, women of colour, against abortion, and queer rights. and i do have proof of all these statements saved as screencaps, if push comes to shove.

i was understandably angry, frustrated, and done, when she reached out to me again. i responded in an attempt to give closure but at her cherry picking and dodging (refusal to answer whether she disagreed with ACAB, for example; or confirmation that she may vote third party in the 2020 election and have a hand in dooming the country to another four years of tr*mp) i lost my patience and cut ties again.

she then went on another stream of shit talking to the same friend of mine as before, and then reached out to another loved one of mine here on tumblr (who she Knew i was close to) with friendliness in an attempt to, i can only imagine, somehow cozy up to that loved one in attempt to dig her way into my life again. 

conservatives regularly lose their shit when more liberal family members cut them out of their lives, not understanding why the political is the personal 99/100. she got upset because i no longer wanted to speak to someone who calls themselves a conservative and a republican in 2020. 

she then made a post where she could be taken seriously by leaving me anonymous, as well as collect pity and reassurance by victimizing and martyring herself. she had outright admitted that due to my ‘followers’ a public post against me wouldn’t go well. even though, even when i had apparently been a terrible, awful, horrible person to her, she was requesting that she still  be able to reblog, like, and support my content. in what world does that compute, if the goal is anything other than ‘clout’?

so yeah, i reached my breaking point, washed my hands of the whole thing, and moved on in a way that would continue to improve my own mental health. there is nothing wrong in leaving a dissatisfying or harmful relationship/friendship, nor is there in cutting out negativity and dissenting political opinions that are extremely personal to the people who’s very existences are considered political. you are not responsible for anyone else’s emotional wellbeing at the expense of your own. 

nor can you be a conservative and support conservative policy without also supporting homophobic or racist policy. full stop. and god knows that libs and dems aren’t perfect either (with a lot of less blatant, maybe, but just as insidious antisemitism in particular) but at least they try and be marginally progressive a decent amount of the time. they’re not trump and his literal nazis in the white house.

if you’re conservative and this bothers you, great. go. if you still wanna reblog thearcadialedger’s content, go for it. i don’t care. just don’t send anyone hate or cruel messages. that’s not what this is about and if you send hate to anyone, you are an asshole.

and i’m not posting any of this for reassurance, praise, or any sort of response, but merely to set the record straight and to get out what i wanted to say about a situation i was a part of. in conclusion, as i think we’ve learned by now: i will never start shit, but i will always finish it.

[searchingwardrobes]

Self Promo Sunday: Happiness

Summary: What if Killian kept the shell phone and kept talking to Emma, even though he wasn't sure she could hear him? What if Emma answered him, even though she knew he couldn't hear her? Because when you're true love, there's no such thing as a one-sided conversation. Based on the song of the same name by needtobreathe.

This takes place vaguely after "A Wondrous Place" and during "Mother's Little Helper” in season six.

Rating: G

Words: About 1,400

On Ao3 until next Sunday, 2/9/2020

Tagging the usuals: @snowbellewells​ @kmomof4​ @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ @let-it-raines​ @welllpthisishappening​ @wellhellotragic​ @delirious-latenight-laughs​ @resident-of-storybrooke​ @distant-rose​ @vvbooklady1256​ @thislassishooked​ @tiganasummertree​ @bethacaciakay​ @branlovestowrite​ @teamhook​ @nikkiemms​ @ultraluckycatnd​ @jennjenn615​ @optomisticgirl​ @profdanglaisstuff​ @ekr032-blog-blog​ @winterbaby89​ @stahlop​ @spartanguard​ @scientificapricot​ @shireness-says​ @ohmakemeahercules​ @xhookswenchx​ @hollyethecurious​ @carpedzem​ 

I got a homesick heart but a long ways left to go I've been doing my part but I ain't got much to show So I'm asking you to show me some forgiveness It's all for you in my pursuit of happiness

 Emma eased into bed that night still clutching the sea shell in her fist, pressed against her heart. She knew it was unlikely that he would try to contact her again, especially since she hadn’t been able to answer him. She lifted it up and examined it by the light of her bedside lamp. How could she have been so quick to think that Killian would leave her? Why had she packed up his belongings in a mere matter of hours? She was ashamed. After all they had been through, she should have trusted him more than that.

She released a deep sigh, pressed the sea shell to her lips, and then set it on her nightstand. But she had no sooner plumped her pillow and rolled over on her side than Killian’s voice came crackling through it once again.

“Emma, Emma,” he called, then she heard him sigh. Emma sat up quickly and snatched the shell.

“Killian, I’m here,” she spoke into it, though she knew it was useless.

“I don’t even know if this bloody thing is working, but Ariel told me I needed it more than she did. I just . . . wanted to tell you . . . that I miss you. Terribly. I don’t know what time it is in Storybrooke, but here in Agribah it’s in the middle of the night.”

Emma eased back into bed, lying sideways on her pillow as she clutched the shell phone. She stared at it, as if she could conjure Killian there.

“I feel so powerless,” Killian continued. “Ariel and I found a caravan traveling to the coast, and I have a plan, it’s just – we’ve stopped for the night, and I don’t want to stop. Because I want to get back home, to you. I’m lying here in this tent, and I hate it because you’re not here. I can’t believe after hundreds of years of living alone, I’ve gotten so used to reaching out and feeling you right there next to me. I can’t sleep without your snores.”

“Hey,” Emma snapped at the shell, “I don’t snore!”

“I know, I know,” Killian chuckled, “you claim you don’t snore. Would it make you feel better if I said it was a soft, melodious snore?”

Emma rolled her eyes, “Only you would call a snore melodious.”

“Anyway,” Killian continued, “if you can even hear me, know I’m thinking of you.”

“And I’m thinking of you,” Emma spoke into the shell. She stared at it for several more minutes, but when no other sounds came through, she set it back on her nightstand and flipped off the light.

Chasing that life, moving on 'cause I had to prove There ain't no life worth doing what I did to you So I'm asking you to show me some forgiveness It's all for you in my pursuit of happiness

Emma groaned at the sound of Killian’s voice. “Five more minutes,” she muttered crankily. Why did he have to be a morning person?

“Love, I hope I’m not waking you. Like I said, I’ve completely lost track of time.”

Emma sat up quickly as she realized the truth once again: Killian was gone. They’d been tricked by Gideon. She couldn’t even let Killian know that she heard him. She snatched up the shell from her nightstand as Killian’s voice continued to come through it.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

Pain gripped Emma’s heart as she heard the agony in his voice.

“You weren’t here beside me, so that was part of it, but I also still feel so horrible for what I did, Emma. Can you ever forgive me? For trying to erase those memories without telling you, for one, and then I went to Nemo . . . “ His voice trailed off in frustration, and Emma could imagine him running his hand through his hair. “I don’t deserve you, Emma. I’m reminded of that every day. But I love you. So much, it’s like this ache within me.”

Emma smiled, and clutched a hand to her own chest. She knew what he meant.

“I know,” she whispered into the shell, “oh, Killian, I wish you could hear me. I wish you knew that I forgive you.”

“We don’t share a heart,” he continued, “but it sure as hell feels like we do. To me anyway.”

“And to me.”

The shell fell silent again as the soft words fell from Emma’s lips.

I got dreams that keep me up in the dead of night Telling me I wasn't made for the simple life There's a light I see, but it's far in the distance I'm asking you to show me some forgiveness It's all for you in my pursuit of happiness

  Emma kept the shell with her the rest of the day. She told Killian things she would have told him if he were with her: a funny story about one of the dwarves, complaints about her paperwork at the station, her worries about her parents. Killian talked to her, as well, letting her know where he was and what he was thinking. In her head, Emma knew he couldn’t hear her, but her heart still felt like it was an actual conversation.

“I had a nightmare last night,” Killian was saying now.

Emma paused in her work, tears welling in her eyes at his words. Nightmares were fairly common for him. For both of them, actually. Emma snatched up the shell.

“I wish I’d been there to hold you,” she told him.

“You’ve told me many times that you think I’m a hero,” Killian continued, that sliver of self-loathing still lacing his words, “but there are times my dark sins come back to haunt me. I wake up, and you’re there, this perfect angel, loving me . . . and it’s hard sometimes to believe that I can really have this. You know?”

Emma nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek. “I do know, babe, believe me. But you do deserve it. You own your mistakes, and I so love that about you.”

“I’m never giving up on us, you know that. But there are times I wonder if fate just won’t let me start fresh. Like your father and I. He’s become the best friend I’ve ever had, besides you, and look what my past sins did to that? I doubt he’ll ever forgive me.”

Emma clutched the shell tightly in both fists. “He already has.”

“Well,” Killian said then, signaling a change in subjects with his self-deprecating laugh, “deserved or not, I’m fighting like hell to get home anyway. I’ve found Blackbeard, and I think I can con him out of a bean.”

“Killian Jones, you better be careful with that asshole!”

Killian laughed as if he’d actually heard her. “Don’t worry, I’ll be careful.”

Sometimes you leave the ones you love But if it's love, they won't give up 'Cause they know a war's raging and you gotta choose These days are tough, these days are long Sometimes it's hard, you carry on But I hear a voice singing and I know it's true

“I saw Hook talking into this bloody thing.”

Emma frowned at the unfamiliar voice coming through the shell phone. She snatched it up and snapped into it, “Where’s Killian? Who the hell is this?”

“And I could tell from his sappy words that you’re his true love. Never saw a pirate fall so far, I can tell you. To say he’s gone soft is the understatement of the realms.”

“Blackbeard,” Emma spat, her eyes narrowing.

“Anyway, just thought before I tossed this thing out to sea that you might want to know that your boyfriend was being chased down the beach by lost boys.”

“Lost boys!” Emma cried out. “What do you mean? How’s he in Neverland? I –“

But then there was the sound of a splash, the shell flickered briefly, and then its light went out. Emma frowned down at it for a moment, her heart heavy. But then a tiny smile slowly grew on her face.

“It doesn’t matter, Blackbeard. Killian won’t give up. He’ll find me. We always find each other.”

[bakagamieru]

I don't think people are mad because of harry still being sad about zayn or whatever it is between them. Public image or offical narrative you name it but for some reason it's ALWAYS zayn who gets talked shit about and people at their "enough!" point me inclueded. 90% of theblogs I follow here are always critical about what's going on but after 5 years you want somethings to left behind. And at this point I can't help but ask would this mess still going on after all this time if it was not zayn?

General

There is every reason to believe that Zayn leaving is a stunt and that none of the boys ever had a problem with each other.  I’ve explained that in many previous posts, and the explanation takes up a lot of space, so I’m not doing it again here.  You can check out those posts in my Zayn Stunt Summary here: https://bakagamieru.tumblr.com/post/120840259353/zayn-stunt-summary

I think it helps to visualize this situation as a siege.  The human psyche is rather suggestible.  Even for strong, confident, self-assured personalities, it can be difficult to hold up against constantly being told the same lie from every quarter.  Sooner or later, people who are repeatedly told lies start to believe them, unless they’re very lucky, very aware, and very careful.  That’s the whole concept of gaslighting.  This has also been shown in psychological experiments where people have eventually been convinced they’ve broken bones that they never have just because they keep being told they have over and over.  

That’s why it’s important with this situation to keep reminding ourselves of the hard facts and work through every new development logically.  That’s how we survive the siege and stop ourselves from getting hypnotized into believing negative things about the boys just because we’re told negative things over and over again.

Direct Answer

I think the current badmouthing is about a sick and twisted promo strategy that all of their teams seem to share.

I suspect there would be a lot more negativity from Zayn’s side if he had proper promo.  No promo, no appearances, no performances, no interviews = no opportunity for badmouthing.  

Also, keep in mind that there are 4 people that can potentially badmouth Zayn, while Zayn is only 1 person to badmouth the other boys.  That’s obviously going to lead to more vitriol directed at Zayn than at the other boys.

Those two things (lack of promo, 4 v. 1 scenario) are probably part of the reason everything seems so unbalanced.

There’s also the fact that Zayn was cast as the villain from the beginning.  In the post I linked, you can find a post I made about why there were multiple reasons for that and why Zayn was actually the only person among the boys that could have been put in that role during this stunt.  Is there probably some racism involved in that?  Yes.  Is part of the reason that people are so willing to believe the worst about Zayn linked to unconscious racism?  Quite possibly, yes.

I know it sucks to see other people buying the negativity and feel like there’s nothing you can do about it.  The only thing I can say is that if you’re surrounded by negativity, it’s very difficult to see anything but the negative side of a situation.  

I prefer to think that most of the fans have been taken in by a targeted psychological strategy that relies more on repetitive misdirection than that most of the fans are blatantly racist.  And I really do believe that’s true.  I believe a lot of this type of racism is unconscious bias and that one day, hopefully a lot of people with these unconscious biases will at least become aware they have them and work towards trying to fix them.  

But no, in general I don’t think this negativity is still going on only because it’s Zayn.  I think it’s still going on because old 1DHQ still want it to be going on and keeps stirring the pot to make sure it does.  I think this is still going on because old 1DHQ still has some sort of hold on 1D’s public images, because the “feud” drama is being used for promo, and because the situation can’t really be fully resolved until the hiatus ends (and I predicted that before the hiatus began).  I had hoped that we might at least get friendly Zayn and 1D even before a reunion, but apparently that’s too much to ask for from the evil 1D overlords.

I, too, feel like shit every time this unnecessary negativity rears its ugly head. However, you have to either find a way to accept and move past it (which I do through reminding myself of the truth via logic) or you might need to remove yourself from the negativity.  If it’s dragging you down constantly, consider unfollowing blogs that post the news that upsets you or blocking the most common tags on the posts that upset you.  I know being told to ignore a bad situation isn’t the best, but for your mental health, it’s either that or finding a way to fight back that makes you feel better.

Showy = Putting on a Show

To me, the drama of this “feud” is just another reason to believe that nothing IS actually going on between Harry and Zayn.  Nothing bad anyway.  

When something is constantly being pushed in your face, it’s generally because someone wants you to see it.  More often than not, the things that are really scandalous are hidden in the entertainment industry and it’s the huge dramatic “feuds” that are constantly in the news that end up being all an act.

Character

Maybe I wear rose-colored glasses, but I’d like to think I’m a decent judge of character.  None of the boys are rude or spiteful enough to keep taking potshots, especially to gang up on one particular person, for years and years after a fight.

It takes a certain maturity to survive with as much grace as the boys have managed in the entertainment industry, and that sort of maturity should also lend itself towards mending a relationship after an argument / learning how to move on from an argument that can’t be fixed.

Former Friend vs. Foe 

Yes, there have been a few public scuffles with other celebs in the past, such as the Wanted, but that situation is different simply because no 1D boys were ever close to any of the Wanted.  A fight with a near-stranger is very different from a fight with someone you’ve called your brother on multiple occasions. 

The closer the people who are fighting are, the more emotional it is and the more hurt people get.  Being more emotional means being more likely to be very angry, but being more hurt means that you aren’t as likely to want to broadcast that very vulnerable, private feeling.  You’re more likely to want to shun the topic with strangers than vent about it, if you’re any sort of a private person.

If we know nothing else, we at least know for sure that Zayn and the other boys were very, very good friends.  You can’t fake the way they were together for the amount of time they were together.

It Was a Single Fight Supposedly

The story is that none of the boys are really in contact with Zayn, so according to that narrative, it’s not like there are ongoing clashes that keep any of the boys feeling like they need to keep commenting negatively about Zayn.  If you’re continually butting heads, it might make sense to keep complaining about the situation, but that’s not what we’re being told is happening.  We’ve essentially been told that there was 1 fight years ago and that’s been it aside from a small amount of supposed back and forth, almost entirely in print interviews initially.

Time and Common Decency

It’s been almost 5 YEARS.  What person with any sense of decency keeps bringing up a fight at every public appearance that happened 5 YEARS ago?  

That would be like getting in a fight with your good friend and then badmouthing them publicly at every gathering of your mutual friends for years.  No matter who was in the right originally, you’re just a jackass at that point.

Talking about something in private and complaining is one thing, but doing it in public?  That’s entirely different.  And the more time that passes, the more ridiculous it is.

Relevancy

Zayn isn’t even really relevant to any of the boys’ solo careers, so it doesn’t particularly make sense for him to be brought up over and over.  

This might be because the interviewers can’t seem to move on from 5 years ago, asking constantly about when the band is getting back together, if they’re getting back together, how is it different having a solo career, etc.  It’s been 5 YEARS.  Those questions have been asked and answered ad nauseam and it’s not like those answers have changed over time.  

Sorry, got a bit off track complaining about interviewers… Anyway, it might just be the interviewers being unoriginal, but their team clearly hasn’t blacklisted the topic which would be a more sensible and classy way to handle things given the situation and the amount of time that’s passed.  There’s no need to talk about Zayn at all really, and yet it keeps coming up.  It just makes all of them look bad, which shouldn’t be the image their teams want for them, and yet…apparently something is more important.

The Promo Connection

More than that, it specifically always seems to come up during promo, for better or worse.  Sometimes the mentions are more positive, but most of the time the narrative takes a sharp turn to the aggressively negative overnight. 

After ranging from positive to neutral when talking about Zayn for years, suddenly during Liam’s first round of promo, things turned quite negative (e.g., wouldn’t save Zayn if he were drowning) and again during this current round of promo (e.g., guess I can talk about this honestly now, etc.).  

After supposedly reconciling about 3 different times (while apparently having no contact positive or negative at all during these years?), Louis’ feelings on Zayn are apparently very negative (e.g. we’re too immature to ever make up) during this current round of promo.  

After not talking about Zayn at all, Harry was suddenly negative during his first round of promo (I think it was the Rolling Stone print interview, but I’m not sure) and brought it up negatively again, unprompted, during this round of promo on SNL.  

It’s not like Zayn ever HAS promo anymore, but when he does have interviews, there’s generally some sort of dig at One Direction somehow (pretty much all print interviews, of course).  

The only one to escape the pattern is Niall, but Teflon Niall is a real thing, enough said. 

It’s ALWAYS during promo for a single or album that things get nasty again.   My best guess is that their teams think that the “feud” = drama = attention = sales.  To me, it seems dumb, repetitive, unrealistic, etc., but I guess a casual fan or the general public wouldn’t follow everything they do, so it’s not as repetitive to that type of consumer.

Conclusion

I am 100% aware of how exhausting, frustrating, and infuriating this whole situation is.  There’s no need for the negativity, it makes no sense, it paints all of the boys in a bad light, it basically requires someone to assume the worst of Zayn in order to believe any of it, and yet there are tons of people who still do believe all of it without any critical thought.

This is why I still write posts like these over and over again.  I have to get those negative emotions out somehow, and the best way for me to feel better is by countering the official narrative by using logic.  It reassures me that even though I’m made to feel like crap about the situation, my initial and continuing judgments about the situation haven’t been wrong.  If you remind yourself of the actual proven characters of the people involved and work things out logically, it’s not dire like all the negativity makes it feel.

When things are loud, they tend to be for show.  That’s what this all is.  This negativity is for show, which means it’s not real.

TLDR;

The fact that there’s still so much public negativity between the boys and Zayn is unrealistic, and therefore suspicious, because:

the boys are too good to be acting like this

this supposed fight would be too intimate and painful to bandy about publicly like this

supposedly the boys haven’t been in contact and so all of this is over a single fight that happened 5 years ago

the boys are too smart to not know that acting like this makes them look bad

their teams have to be in favor of the badmouthing because otherwise they could easily have just not talked about it at all

there’s generally a sharp increase in negativity when one of the boys has single or album promo

there’s more badmouthing of Zayn because it’s framed as 4 v. 1 and also Zayn never has any promo

My conclusion from these points (and also from previous facts and experience) is that the badmouthing isn’t because 1D and Zayn want to be badmouthing each other.  Rather, the drama of the “feud” is being used for promo and possibly other purposes.  I firmly believe that if there were a real falling out, the 1D boys would have handled it far more gracefully than this, given the chance.  

I suppose it’s possible that there was a real fight and that the boys were forced to handle it ungracefully by their team, but I would point to Occam’s Razor.  The simplest explanation that fits ALL the facts related to this situation (from the time of Zayn leaving through now) is that Zayn was forced out of 1D as a stunt and that there was never an actual feud between Zayn and the rest of the boys.

So yes, this situation sucks, but no, I don’t blame either side for it because there are NO sides when there is no actual fight.  I blame old 1DHQ and I blame society in general and I blame the ignorance of the general public.  But I’m not here for them, I’m here for 1D, so I keep my head down and keep waiting for things to get good again.

[ask-a-cool-spaceguy]

Making a pinned post to procrastinate my school work-

//Hello! I’m Admin Leon! I run this blog! I figured I’d make a pinned post cause not everyone wants to go and read a long carrd, so I figured I’d make a post with some of the most important info just to make things easier!

If you can, I still do recommend you read my carrd here! At the very least, the blacklist, disclaimers, and why no interact sections! I will be putting the most important info here, but of course the carrd will hold all the information you need to know!

For starters, please don’t reblog this post! This is not a promo or anything! Plus it will be edited from time to time! Now I will place everything else under a read more because it will get long and I don’t wanna clog anyone’s dash!

TAGS:

Character interaction tags all follow this format - “int:*characters name*(*optional nickname based on their blog name*)” With no spaces, no quotes, and no asterisks! For example, int:kaito(coolspaceguy) would be what I use if I was interacting with a Kaito who’s blog name is ask-a-cool-spaceguy ;0c

“promo” is used when I promo another blog! These posts to tend to be long just as a heads up!

“long post” is used when I feel a post is very long, length wise not reply wise. Do note that I don’t tag promo posts with this unless I reply to it after promo-ing it!

Blacklist tags I commonly use are as follows! If you’d like for me to blacklist tag a specific thing not on this list, just let me know and I’ll keep it in mind and add it here(Sidenote: I won’t tag ships/characters with ship/full character names in order to keep them out of the search tag! I will work with ya to get a special tag made though!) Also if I forgot something here just let me know again!:

“👻” and “phobia tw” which are when the topic of ghosts are brought up. The emoji is typically used for more lowkey reactions, but the phobia tw tag can involve panic attacks!

“medical tw” and “medical mention” which are of course used when medical topics are brought up

“death tw” and “death mention” are used of course during the topic of death! I do not tag mentions of the Killing Game unless the topic becomes about a death in it!

“trauma tw” is used whenever someone in the thread is currently going through a hard time because of a traumatic experience. Also gets used when someone is talking about said experience.

BLACKLIST:

For starters I do wanna say: Please don’t use my blog as a positivity blog or come asking for advice! I personally cannot handle vents at times cause brain is the big dumb 😔

My blacklist is sorted into two sections! The general blacklist which contains things that actually make me uncomfy, and the things that I’d just rather not have on the blog!

General Blacklist:

Venting to me unprompted

Romanticizing mental illness

Chihiro or Gonta x anyone

Incest and Pedophilia

Spider pictures and extended spider talks

Character hate and discourse (As well as discourse in general)

Things I’d just rather not have mentioned on the blog:

Kokichi x anyone

Anything involving self harm/suicide

Anything involving major current events (Unless its a happy topic!)

Sending anything involving pee/poop will get you blocked

NSFW (I might allow a few suggestive jokes, but that’s a big MIGHT)

Carrying on jokes longer than they have to (This used to be a bigger problem in the past, but I’m still keeping the rule-!)

DISCLAIMERS:

This is the part where you might have to check out my carrd to get all the details! Again this is just gonna be the most important stuff! I also will not add the “why no interact” section here so make sure you head to my carrd to read those!

I’m sorry if I don’t reblog your promo! There could be many reasons why I do not reblog it, but none of them are because I’m just ignoring you! Tumblr also likes to not notify blog owners when someone tags them in a post, so it’s a good idea to send an IC ask to the blogs you tagged if they didn’t reblog the promo!

I am somewhat busy these days, and also have motivation problems, so I’ll often be late to replies or answering asks! Because of this, I might also forget about some rp threads entirely! Feel free to DM me if I do to remind me!

Kaito is a Japanese character living in Japan. He doesn’t follow some Western traditions (Such as Christmas) because of this! Please don’t treat him like a dumb person for not knowing about/not following these traditions! However please feel free to tell and teach him about those traditions! He’ll be happy to learn!

To any Junko blogs that wish to interact: I have some unease around Junko blogs due to some minor trauma! Junko as a character is fine, however if I do not personally know you as a mod, I will have to decline interacting with your Junko blog! Sorry! Some OC blogs might get the same type of response, again due to the same minor trauma! For clarification though, if I do know the mod behind the blogs then I am perfectly ok with interacting!

I DO NOT interact with blogs that use stolen/uncredited fanarts/edits to rp with. If I recognize the sprite or notice you’re using fanart from google images, and do not see credit (Or a confirmation that you have permission to use said sprites/art without credit) in the bio or in a pinned post, I will halt interaction with you.

While Kaito knows a lot about space, I do not- I have to research in order to have Kaito talk about space things! That being said, sometimes in research you get a bad source, or you think you remember something correctly but it’s wrong! If I make Kaito give a not correct space fact, please don’t take it out on him! It’s just because I, the mod, made a mistake, not him. Feel free to correct me though!

[coup-de-maine]

How to enter a fandom - RPC

Hey guys, time for a friendly PSA from yours truely~

So I’ve been in and out of a lot of fandoms, made friends, enemies, frenemies, grave mistakes and happy accidents. I also see a lot of people come in other fandoms. Most of yall do great but I see some people carry in this weird sort of self deprecating attitude that can immediately turn rpers away from them, which results in; more of that self deprecation. So Im here to hopefully help out with the best ways to enter a fandom or an rpc, make your presence known and make lots of wonderful friends.

Now the first, and most important thing, and I notice a ton of people struggle with it is:

General attitude. 

Let me give two examples of some first time posts.

“Hey! I’m new to the fandom. I know my bio and my theme sucks but would anyone like to rp? Maybe?”

VS.

“Hey! I’m new to the fandom. My bio and rules are located here, though they’re still under construction I’m really eager to develop them with interactions!”

Now I know the first one is tempting for a lot of reasons. You might not even feel like its all that bad, but up next to the second one it actually sounds a little...depressing, monotone, dry. Even though they start the same, one ends with me feeling like: this person really doesn’t put effort into things, they dont even really want to be here. All my threads with them are going to be lazily written or probably written with half baked enthusiasm.

The second person is happy to be here, eager to interact, admits that since they’re a new blog not everything is perfect. Yet, they don’t talk down on themselves or make it seem like anyone who talks to them will only be taking pity on them.

This is actually a big problem I see in the rpc. Making people take pity on you for interactions and the rule with that is simple:

don’t make people feel like they have to take pity on you. 

It’s a knee jerk reaction, I know. We’re all awkward humans on the internet who want to play up our faults. Who wants to say “My stuff is SO awesome! It’s the best”??? 

Well. You do. You’re new to a fandom. People already have established relationships, character arks, possibly with another version of the muse youre playing. Backstories so detailed it’ll make your head spin. You are literally selling yourself to these other rpers. Don’t sell them “A vacuum cleaner that sucks. No, not sucks up the dirt, it just sucks. Like me, Im trash and dont even have a working vacuum” No one wants to buy a vacuum cleaner that sucks.

Hate to break it to you, but when you say you suck, or your stuff sucks; people are gunna believe you. Or they’re just gunna pity you. And thats not great either. 

Heck you might think; why not? So long as they rp with me, whats wrong with that? 

Well... lots of things but mostly; pity isn’t a good feeling. Nobody wants to feel guilted into rping with you. Imagine seeing someone on your dash constantly posting about how no one likes them, their character or interacting with them. How they wanna die because they never get asks, no one likes their starters. (Sound extreme? I’ve seen it.) It makes you feel bad right? It makes you wanna like them but like- where do you even start??? They don’t even like them?? What common ground do you have?? “Hey, I see you hate yourself... uh... I hate you too?” Not great. Actually bad. You don’t know how to approach this person without becoming an emotional crutch, and you know they’ll latch on to you and suck every positive emotion out of your body so how do you win?

So lesson one is; People don’t want to be forced to feel so bad that they rp with you, they want to feel inspired to. Inspire some dudes! (or non-dude identifying people)

Presentation!

This is everything. Present yourself. You don’t need flashy icons or a cool promo- let me tell you, I’ve made some shitty promos in my life. See Here

That was my promo for a long as time. Until it was THIS that a friend made for me (A friend that I made. Through how awesome I presented myself. Thanks Vee, if you see this I still love you)

I can’t stress enough how important attitude is because I’ve had both a shitty attitude and a great one in the RPC and let me tell you, nothing kills a blog faster than a shitty attitude. Wanna make a self deprecating posts about that meme that you got 0 asks for? NUH UH. Think again. PITY = BAD, SHORT LASTING FRIENDSHIPS. INSPIRED = SUPER AWESOME HAPPY FUN TIMES FOREVER.

Yo, present yourself in a way that makes people wanna approach you. Get them interested, say something wacky or edgy or if your character is self deprecating then self deprecate through them but DO IT IN A FUN WAY. The people who care about icons and fancy promos usually aren’t worth lasting friendships either. Sometimes they literally spend more time formatting than writings something worth while for you. (some of you really balance it and just love formatting but u know im not talking about u Im talking about those that literally wont talk to us that dont)

So present yourself well and be genuine.

--- WAIT WAIT WAIT- be genuine?? What if my genuine self is self deprecating and negative? 

[JOHNNY TEST NOISE] 

HELL NO shut the what up I know you’re not, I know that’s a reflex to cover up how insecure you are, I know you hate how pathetic and small you feel so you point out all the things wrong with you before someone else can. That’s not you, and you are capable of more than that.

Dude. (and non-dude identifying peeps) I’m gunna say it again. I’m gunna say it a million times; one day it will sink in. Everybody feels that way. 

What?? Octo ur so cool and confident tho

You know how you never noticed?? CANT SEE MY HANDS SHAKE THROUGH THE COMPUTER.

DONT KNOW HOW LONG I HESITATED BEFORE SENDING THAT ASK MEME TO YA.

The internet is a playground because you can trick people into believing whatever you want about yourself. YEP even good things!!! You don’t have to wear your flaws on your sleeve, and you certainly don’t have to wear them like a full body cast that prevents you from doing anything fun in your life.

Take the cast off, take a risk. You literally have nothing to lose. Especially if no one interacts with you as is anyways.

Be mindful

This is more of a trick I use to make myself feel better. I don’t follow a lot of people so my dash is pretty slow. It’s fairly easy to tell when people are and aren’t active/online so I literally have to trick myself sometimes but;

If you reblog a meme and get nothing, step back and ask yourself; am I sure anyone even saw it? and are the people who did maybe to shy to send anything? Or maybe nothing in that meme applies to their character.

As a mute character I am VERY restricted to what memes I reply to. As a character who speaks VERY LITTLE I am VERY restricted to what dialogues I can send at all. This means I’m required to edit memes a little (this is allowed by most meme creators btw) or I need a very good relationship with a character in order to say/sign that many words at them.

And worse case scenario, queue it and reblog it again/later. Its no biggie, some memes don’t make it.

Self reflect

Check out people on the dash. Do they have interactions? What are they like? Is their character more welcoming? Maybe you’re character is more intimidating. You might need to actually seek out interaction.

Tumblr has this huge enigma where everyone wants asks but no one wants to send them. Curious anons come from someone, magic anons come from your peers, followers, friends. Some of them are pretty obvious. Want asks? Send them. We really need to get the ball rolling with this because its honestly a problem. Show some initiative and reach out. It actually feels pretty good seeing someone react to your outrageous anon. And its a lot of stress relief if you play an otherwise very serious character to get to branch out and be silly.

So you send asks, you like starter calls- why isn’t it working?

Well, a stranger knocks on your door and tries to get to know you. Its a little awkward- it can work sure in some cases. But in most you’ll probably close the door and phone the police.

The RPC isn’t as strange as that but what’s easier? Talking to a muse you’ve never met from a blog you’ve never seen before? Or writing a thread with your best bud, throwing in inside jokes and references to your favourite shows- teasing each other about that one embarrassing thing that happened to your muse- yeah. Yeah you get it.

If you have history or at least an idea what someone is like, you will want to interact with them more. I don’t know if you’re some mean... meanie pants whos gunna smack my muse because he offered you a cookie. And maybe you are, but if I don’t know you, or know that your muse is deeply traumatized by cookies, I might take that as you saying “Ew no get away I never wanna rp with you”.

It sounds harsh, but I KNOW it happens. It STILL happens to me, even with people I’m friends with. Even if someone has multiple blogs and I get on fine with one muse, if the other hates me I might get uneasy about sending in asks cause I feel like I’m directly bothering the mun (who I love on this blog but WHAT IF THEY START HATING ME THERE TOO???)

Separation is tricky. We all get jealous or feel neglected when our partners focus on another thread/ship or send mean angsty replies which is why its important to check yourself remind yourself you have value, mun =/= muse and that it’s all in good fun.

Have Rules

UGH no!!! Not rules I hate rules, I dont want to restrict anyone!

Listen. I get it. I was a rule-less blog for a long time. But you know what? You need them. Not just for you, but for the people who wanna interact. I still feel the need to ask people who have rules what they are and aren’t comfortable with. You might not realize it but shit can go down in rps especially in certain fandoms. Even if its just the basics. Write them. They matter.

Unless you’re fine with someone literally controlling your character, or a blog you dont even follow who RPs David Letterman tags you in a smutty thread where your muse and him are married and he’s heavily pregnant with 4 narwal baby’s I- I think you can see where I’m going.

If its just the basics, thats fine, everyone loves seeing that. No god modding, not forced shipping, ect- great. Less for me to remember. Add to it if you need to. Everyone experiences rp different. Make your experience a comfortable one.

(And stay tf away from me Preggo-letterman)

Step away.

If you’re feeling negative, just step away. Do not make a big post about it alerting everyone who follows you because they might not all respond well. If you have close friends in then fandom you can go to, talk to them, vent a little, or just remove yourself and get those feelings out. But remember that no one here is equipped to be your therapist, and we cant all be expected to take the burden from you. It is up to you to regulate your emotions. Use coping skills but please don’t make the fandom or your blog a toxic place to be.

You don’t feel good, and no one reading your posts feels good, and building friendships on not feeling good is just... completely not good.

Im not saying you must be sunshine and rainbows all the time, but feeling bad feels bad and even though rping is just a hobby and a past time you are still reaching into other peoples lives. Leave a good impact, try to be someone you would want to meet in the rpc. Make it a better place.

Tips and Tricks

If you leave with nothing else, please take these:

Send Messages. 

IM people, send them asks, get to know them before RPing.

Be kind.

Be generous.

Be enthusiastic.

Be happy.

[itsjustwhatfeelsrightmobile]

Rules

HEAD’S UP:

To all of my “loyal followers”: I know you may feel familiar with my rules, but please skim them on every blog you follow. In particular, you will need to scroll down and read everything below the “Guilt-Free Icons” section as they change for each blog. Everything else, yes, will stay the same. Thank you for your time and thank you for following so many of my blogs!

LAST RULE UPDATE: July 16, 2018

Mun

General

My name is Kymani, but most people call me “Kaichu”, “Kai”, or “Ky”. Go with whichever you like! Please note, however, that I will only sign my blogs and asks with "Ky" or the occasional "Kaichu" so as not to be confused with the many 'Kai' users in the world. So if you ever see someone claim to be me while using that spelling... they a lie, fam.

I use she/her pronouns and am a cis female so feel free to correct me if I make any -phobic booboos.

Mun is over 25. I’m happy to share my real age, but not so much to update this with every birthday.

My discord is (not very) selectively available to mutuals. If you choose not to exchange this with me, this is more than fine; please just be aware that I blog hop very inconsistently so I may be hard to reach.

Mun faceclaims are Raichu, Marina (Splatoon 2), Iridessa, and occasionally Kagome Higurashi.

You can find links to all of my other active characters on my mun page.

Health

I have several physical and mental disabilities. These include, but are not limited to, Sickle Cell Anemia, Asthma, Depression, Anxiety, and moderate OCD.

Note that there are some things that will trigger my OCD and therefore I will often choose not to follow you for or unfollow for. They include but are not limited to: uncut posts; icons that aren’t circles or squares (circles/squares with excessive decoration is FINE); using full-sized reaction images; and/or a general lack of organization on the blog. Most of these can be addressed, but I will never pressure a mun to change their style or format for me. 

I will generally make or have someone make update posts informing you of my hospitalizations. Sometimes I forget, though. In any case, if I’ve made it clear that I am feeling unwell, do NOT hassle me for replies or an explanation of my situation. I will block people for this.

Be aware: I am a chronically ill person with many characters whose writing schedule is dictated by both her health and muse. I will forget things and disappear/reappear for weeks to even a month at a time from my blogs. As well, I may be very obviously selective/biased, so if this will upset you, my blogs are not for you.

Also note: it is not uncommon for me to unfollow and refollow people but this is not intentional. As I manage tens of blogs, it is easy to forget which blog people will follow me on. If you notice me doing this, feel free to message me and/or block that account.

Lastly, it is incredibly important to understand that due to the fact that I have been on opioids since I was a child, I have impaired memory. I can and will forget things we’ve discussed/written and I just ask for your patience and understanding on this.

I am open to answering questions regarding my health, but I expect you to both know the basics about the diseases and have read THIS PAGE before you approach me.

Last on this point but HUGELY important: please do not approach me with questions or jokes about how many muses I write. It's officially at the point where it's only okay or funny if I do it. Cause the thing is I know you mean it as a complement. I know you do. But the answer, for the record, to that question is this: "The cold hard fact is that I'm no longer healthy enough to attend school or work. So I am at home all day every day with the time (if I am well) to run as many muses as I please and it may be the only thing keeping me sane." So please, just don't make the joke. I'll joke along with you, I'll try not to make you as sad as you just made me, but it makes me really sad to think about and I have to stop pretending it doesn't.

Personals

Do:

Go ahead and follow! I don’t mind as long as you follow the rules. (Breaking them consistently enough to notice will lead to a block though.)

Like RPs if you like them. (But try to make sure my partner’s okay with that, too!)

Send in memes and questions; just don’t expect them to turn into a thread or anything.

Tell me if you’re following on behalf of a side RP blog cause I won’t check/know otherwise! (Only matters if you follow first.)

Don’t:

Reblog my promos.

Reblog my OOC posts.

Reblog my roleplays.

Following

This is a selective and private blog. This means I don’t follow everyone and I only RP with mutuals.

Please do not message me asking for an RP if we are not mutuals. I understand that you’re just reaching out, but it really makes me anxious and I will feel extremely guilty. Therefore, all messages of this kind will be deleted. Repeated attempts will lead to a block.

I will not follow blogs without a rules page. Very very rare exceptions are made for blogs that I know for fact are mobile-only. I am slightly more lenient when it comes to about pages, but only if there is significant writing on the blog for me to read through instead.

I am OC and selectively crossover friendly. 

I’m cool with multimuse blogs as long as your muses each have an about page for me to read over. I won’t be making exceptions here simply because I find it impractical to go through the blog and look for writing for each specific muse I want to interact with.

I may several weeks to follow back. This may be due to illness or just not noticing because of how many blogs I run.

I eventually unfollow mutual-only blogs who have not followed me back. This is simply because I like to know I can RP with those on my dash and nothing more.

I do not follow blogs that exclusively use real-life faceclaims (rlfc). I will also not RP with rlfc, so if you have a verse that only uses a rlfc, I won’t RP with it. Please note that this applies to people roleplaying live-action characters, as well. Thanks for understanding.

Interaction & Replies

I am EXTREMELY selective about roleplaying with muns under the age of eighteen. Trying to deceive me about your age will lead to a BLOCK.

I am open to using messaging for OOC interaction at all times. IC interactions must be agreed upon beforehand.

All of my open starters and starter calls are for mutuals only unless otherwise stated. Repeated offenses for non-mutuals liking my starter calls will lead to a block.

I go through my thread tracker whenever my total thread count across all accounts exceeds 11O. I will try to message my partners about threads I drop but understand that I may not always have the energy to do so. You are always welcome to ask about the status of our threads so long as you remain polite and tactful.

Shipping

My blogs will always be multiship.

With that said, I’m almost always a ship-exclusive kind of girl. That means I’ll ship with one version of each character.

I like my ships to develop naturally, so even if it seems like I prioritize friends, know that you can always shoot me an ask and as long as it’s not a notp I’m always open to tossing the characters at each other and giving it a shot.

There are two exceptions to ship exclusivity for me: 1) i’ve decided to do one ship per verse and therefore duplicates are fine or 2) i’m playing a character with a canon ship.

Tags & Triggers

My blogs are never spoiler-free. For TV-show based blogs, the most recent episode aired in its native language will be tagged as a spoiler until the next episode airs. For games, I tag and try to readmore spoilers for a few months. Threads themselves may or may not be tagged if the line is sort of blurry. Always, therefore, read with caution.

I am blocking the tag #Ky Don’t Look/#Ky Dont Look for phobias related to penises, water, and a few other things. It is imperative that you read over my BLOCKED TAGS AND TRIGGERS for full details.

These triggers are often related to trauma and can give me panic attacks and/or depressive episodes. I will gently remind you a few times, but if it becomes a repeated issue, I will unfollow.

If you need anything special tagged or I’ve forgotten something, please let me know! I won’t bite.

NSFW & Smut

Many of my blogs will contain nsfw themes including but not limited to: themes of depression, violence, bullying, etc. These are rarely (if ever) tagged but can be by request.

Themes that are considered to be “trigger-heavy” will always have their own disclaimer.

Regarding smut: sometimes it’s difficult for me, sometimes it’s not. I can be extremely squeamish regarding the topic, so I’m very fickle when it comes to these threads. I ask, very simply, that partners who engage in these types of threads with me understand that I likely won’t finish these threads and that they do not push for replies on these. (Like, ever.) It will make me more self-conscious and, if I’m already panicking about a reply, it will only make it worse.

With that said, I would appreciate it if you didn’t baby me by disallowing me to write these threads. If it makes you personally uncomfortable to write them with me, that’s fine. But it has been deemed a safe and valuable practice by my counselor for me to continue to explore this subject so that, hopefully, I will become more and more comfortable with it. So when I’m interested in writing sexual nsfw, please don’t feel as though you need to shy away from me!

Aside from all of that, general rules apply: I won’t write sexual nsfw with anyone under the age of eighteen. (Although with that said, given my age, I tend to prefer my smut partners to be twenty-one and older. This is a soft rule, though, as my comfort with the partner outweighs a numerical value.) I also will not write any other kind of nsfw with anyone under the age of sixteen.

PS: when it comes to aged up characters, aged up x aged up is okay. aged up x canon adult is not. I am not the kind of person who will get all judgemental if you do it with other people, but I won’t personally engage in it. Understand though that I only consider it to be aging-up if the mun is aging their character beyond the natural progression of time. (So if Character A was 10 when they debuted but would have been 15 by the time they met Character B anyway I don't consider it to be aging-up.) For more of my opinion of the topic, please click here.

 Activism & “Drama”

In this house, discussion about x-isms, x-phobias, and injustices as it relates to the roleplay community and/or the pokemon community is NOT considered drama and therefore it will NOT be tagged as such. HOWEVER:

While most of my blogs will NOT have a tag for it at all, should it come up, I will create an #activism tag for the blog. So yes, you will have a tag to block if you are genuinely discomforted by the conversation, but no, I will not conflate it with “drama”.

If you’re reading this on writtenbykaichu or a blog that features a dark-skinned person of color, please be aware that issues such as these are much more likely to be discussed. 

Guilt-Free Icons

Yes, I am a mod at guiltfreeicons–Jerry Mod, to be exact. 

I will, on very rare occasions, make posts regarding taking requests. Those posts are considered active for 48 hours after the ORIGINAL post was made.

If you need to ask a question about GFI, first read the rules. Then, try contacting us here. If that doesn’t work, contact us here. Most importantly:

Never ever I mean NEVER message me or any of the other mods regarding guiltfreeicons (or making icons for you on the side) on any of our personal or roleplay blogs. We WILL auto-block over this.

Miscellaneous

IMPORTANT: I am currently beta testing for rpthreadtracker.com. Because the beta website could be altered or lost at any time, I will try to backup my threads on the current version of the website. With that said, I will be focusing on using the Beta versions, so please click the [BETA] links first and alert me immediately if they give you any sort of trouble so I can update the trackermod. Thanks guys!

This blog will not RP with male gemsonas--no exceptions.

As a general rule, I am okay with gemlings as long as they are not directly related to Amethyst (daughter, sister, etc.)

I consider Amethyst's canon character development to be incredibly rushed, so on this blog you may feel as though I've knocked her back a few steps. This is so that I may work on her development at a fairer pace. (And yes, if you know me, it is also for the angst.)

Always always always plot out fight threads with me. We don't have to come up with things step-by-step ahead of time, but I expect to stay in contact with you throughout so that we can be on the same terms with where we're going and who's doing what.

Credits

Many of my Raichu base icons were gifted to me by thunderstonereject. If you would like access to these icons, you will need to ask them for their permission. Any public-use icons I have can be found at guiltfreeicons. All edits were made by me and are for my own personal use.

All Marina icons were made by me and are available to the public on guiltfreeicons. Edits, of course, are for and by me and not for public use.

All Iridessa icons were made by myself and Pebbles Mod and are available to the public on guiltfreeicons. All edits were made by me and are for my own personal use.

Credits for Kagome Higurashi base icons can be found here. All edits were made by me and are for my own personal use.

Amethyst Art & Icon credits can be found here.

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[yeoldontknow]

I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS LONG ASS POST!! BUT I NEED TO ASK YOU SOME THINGS!!! AND I NEED TO LITTER YOU IN COMPLIMENTS AS IF YOU’RE BEING RAINED ON BY GLITTER CONFETTI!! 🎉🎉🎉so i was missing Wyrm so i decided to re-read the first 3 chapters and it was so delightful to take my time and really relish in every single word of the fic. the first time i read it, i was so engrossed that i read it rather quickly but it’s such a lovely experience to take my time and re-read something so beautifully

written but since i’ve been re-reading it, i ended up with a few questions that i didn’t bother to think about before (cause i was so engrossed the first time). is it okay for me to ask you these questions??? if you’re planning on revealing the answers somewhere down the line in the plot then by all means don’t answer my questions but these are really for curiosity’s sake!! in chapter 1, you mention how OC’s mother is a widow. can i know what happened to the dad and how old OC was when hepassed? currently, how old is everyone in Wyrm? like how old are Jongdae, Baekhyn, and the OC? what color and hairstyles are Jongdae and Baekhyn sporting in this fic? lol this might seem like a silly question but i want to know how you imagine them to look like in your head. is there a comeback era or promo pic i can use for reference for what they look like in Wyrm? (i’ve seen the moodboard btw but since it’s not created by you, i wanted to know if the jongdae in the moodboard is how youactually picture him or not) OKAY SO IT’S TIME FOR ME TO COMPLIMENT YOUR BEAUTIFUL SELF A SECOND TIME (cause i’ve sent an anon about Wyrm before and raved about how good it was)  CAUSE YOU DESERVE ALL THE APPRECIATION IN THE WORLD MY DARLING!! 💕💕💕 so, the part in ch 2 where you write about OC traveling through the forest and leaving her home is so beautifully and elegantly written! it captures the feeling of leaving home and not returning so well! honestly, the way you write about herconnection to the trees, flowers, and caves makes me swoooonnnn 😩😩😩and the shift in her perception of the woods as she passes through is so beautiful?? like you really capture the essence of a carefree and naive childhood spent in nature where everything is so bright and sweet and then the imagery changes to something much more somber & darker. the whole introspection of her life and how it’s rapidly changing and the way that parallels the changing scenery of the forest is done so beautifully!! ❤️ and then it seamlessly goes into building background for the story! the first time i was reading the story, i was so focused on the OC and Jongdae’s eventual introduction BUT I JUST GOTTA RAVE ABOUT HOW YOU WRITE BAEKHYUN!! the way you characterize him is done so well like?? the subtle things like the changes in his expression, demeanor, tone, and all the good stuff just gives him so much depth like?? You make him seem so human and complex and just so REAL?! ughhhh I’m so gladhe didn’t stick with his hard and cold exterior like how he was introduced in ch 1. Anyways, I’m just rly enjoying the way you bring him to life and how the reader (aka me) gets to see his mask slowly being chipped off and how he crumbles and is willing to risk everything to save his friend. he aint even the main but I’m so invested in him already. ❤️❤️honestly, your writing is just perfect to me ❤️❤️❤️your plot, characterization, diction, pacing, amount of dialogue vs action, descriptive imagery, like it’s all so good!!! and it’s not just the quality of the literary devices you use that’s superb, it’s all the other stuff too!!! like it’s all weaved together so seamlessly! my dear, it literally flows!! and everything is done in such an impeccable amount of moderation!! nothing seems to be amiss and nothing superfluous! i have NEVER been so S M I T T E N with a piece of literary work before! my hat’s off to you dear, i am in love! 😍😍   

ok. oh wow. alright this is. is the best novella ive ever read? like [chen’s voice] HELLO ANGEL?? first of all, tagging @kollectionn because LOOK AT WHAT YOUR GIFT IS DOING? askdjlakjl revel in this with me, this is like...the best series of messages ive ever received about anything ever. im trying so hard to process all this and give like reasonably well thought out answers in return but. this. i am so. overwhelmed omg. *sobs*

FIRST: thank you for glitter confetti it is my favourite SECOND: THANK YOU FOR READING WYRM TAMER IT IS LIKE...MY HEART AND MY SOUL AND ALSO THANK YOU FOR ALL THESE MESSAGES WOWTHIRD: you can ask any questions you want! if they are spoilers i wont answer them but if i can, i will!

PUTTING THIS ALL UNDER A CUT BECAUSE. IM. VERY EMOTIONAL AND WILL CHATTER A LOT AND DONT WANT TO CLOG DASHES

in chapter 1, you mention how OC’s mother is a widow. can i know what happened to the dad and how old OC was when hepassed? 

this will come up very, very briefly in a future chapter, but the most vague answer i can give is that he was part of the Darinthall Militia. once that chapter is released ill need you to remind me of this exact moment so i can give full backstory. its not integral to the plot, but its assists Dae and OC in forming a sort of understanding with one another. so. #soon also, OC was about 7 when he died. she has some memories of him but not terribly many for reasons that will be explained later~~

currently, how old is everyone in Wyrm? like how old are Jongdae, Baekhyn, and the OC? 

OC: ~24JONGDAE: ~27BAEK: ~27SOLIS: ~26

what color and hairstyles are Jongdae and Baekhyn sporting in this fic? lol this might seem like a silly question but i want to know how you imagine them to look like in your head. is there a comeback era or promo pic i can use for reference for what they look like in Wyrm? (i’ve seen the moodboard btw but since it’s not created by you, i wanted to know if the jongdae in the moodboard is how youactually picture him or not) 

ahahhaha yes! there are actual era pics i was using for them. the moodboard was made by @baebae-goodnight who did such an incredible job, shes also made MBs for other characters that ill be releasing as they are introduced. like, please can we all take a moment to praise her talent? the jongdae she used in the MB is literally, EXACTLY as i had imagined dae in the story. spot on. shes a wizard. i gave her just a few details about him and she somehow got into my mind and pulled out the perfect dae. so, the MB dae = WT dae

i picture baek with the amazingly fluffy light brown hair he had at the close of 2016. this:

*heart swells* theres my darinthall light guard!

BUT I JUST GOTTA RAVE ABOUT HOW YOU WRITE BAEKHYUN!! the way you characterize him is done so well like?? the subtle things like the changes in his expression, demeanor, tone, and all the good stuff just gives him so much depth like?? You make him seem so human and complex and just so REAL?! 

sakjdlafjlaf THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY

honestly, the way you write about herconnection to the trees, flowers, and caves makes me swoooonnnn 😩😩😩and the shift in her perception of the woods as she passes through is so beautiful?? like you really capture the essence of a carefree and naive childhood spent in nature where everything is so bright and sweet and then the imagery changes to something much more somber & darker. 

every time someone recognizes my devices, an angel gets its wings lmao being 100% that opening section was really hard to write cause this story when from being like...2 parts to basically a 17 chapter book? so i wanted to find a way to give backstory that didnt sound like i was just walking readers through history of a world they havent even really seen yet? idk. IM JUST REALLY GLAD YOU LIKED IT cause in the end this wound up being one of my fave bits of chap 2

i think....that is everything? holy crap. im. LISTEN I LOVE THESE MESSAGES SO MUCH. you have honestly no idea how much they made my day, my week, my month - probably my entire time ive been writing in this fandom? like i rarely get asks that go this deep and YOU JUST. DID BECAUSE. YOU ARE YOU. and you are so special i want to cry. THANK YOU

[mamaredd123]

Welcome to Mama’s 100 Quotes of Supernatural Challenge!!!

Wow! I am truly amazed at all of you wonderful people in Tumblr land. After 1 year on here I have 2000 followers!!!! (OK, so I know my blog is not a big ole bomb of excitement the majority of time but I am still tickled pink!)

So to celebrate my 1 year blog anniversary, I am going to do a 2-part thing. I put a poll out a few weeks ago to see what all of you would like and the 2 popular responses were a challenge and for me to do some more blog promo’s. You asked so shall you receive!!

I have searched and searched for some of the most memorable, funniest, best quotes from our beloved characters of Supernatural. Below the cut you will find the list. I have tried to include at least 1 quote from just about everyone (well, from a whole bunch of them anyways) but the majority of the quotes do belong to our sexy Dean, Sam, and Castiel! So keep on reading to see the list and the rules for this challenge!!

(And feel free to hop on over to my other part of this challenge, Mama’s “Spread The Love” Blog Promo’s and shoot me some suggestions!)

I have to give a HHUUUGGGEEEEE shout out to @atc74 for her help with my challenge image and for her assistance with some of these quotes!!!! Couldn’t have done this without you!

The rules are about as basic and easy as I can make them:

*This is a follower celebration so obviously, I would need you to be following me. However, if you have stumbled upon this challenge and would like to join, it is so super easy…. Just go click that follow button up there on the right!

*I need you to send me an Ask with your 1st and 2nd choice of quotes. It will be first come, first serve. BUT if by some holy miracle all 100 get taken, I am sure I can come up with some more to add to this list. AND you can chose up to 3 quotes if you would like to work ALL THREE into one story. (As a side note, if after a week I still have a ton of quotes not chosen, I will modify the challenge a little and allow you to send in your choice of quote/character)

*As for you fic, just keep it in the SPN fandom and make sure to highlight your quote(s) wherever you place it in the story. Just in case there is any confusion, the person you chose a quote from does NOT have to be the main character in your fic. For example, you may just really like a particular quote listed here from, say Balthazar, but you have a Dean x Reader fic in mind. That’s perfectly fine. Just make sure to have Balthazar in your story (with the quote) somewhere.

*This challenge is open to any and all ships and genres. I want y’all to write whatever inspires you when you see the quote of your choice.

*As usual, drabbles all the way to series are welcome. Just remember, anything over 500 words, add the KEEP READING line or, and I’m sorry, but I won’t reblog it. We all need to do our part not to overcrowd everyone’s dashboards.

*Deadline will be September 30th. I am giving everyone 2 months to do this. Beginning in Sept, I will occasionally start posting reminder posts to try to help everyone remember about their challenge deadline. I am well aware how we all take on a little too much sometimes and things get lost in the shuffle.

*When you get ready to post, make sure to tag me in your A/N and use the #mama’s100quoteschallenge in your tags. As usual, if I haven’t liked/reblogged within a day or two, please feel free to shoot me a message and let me know you posted it. I truly do try to go through all my notification everyday, but, well, you know, life gets in the way of all the fun things sometimes.

Ok, that’s it. Easy peasy, right? Well you made it this far with me so come a little further and read the quotes, pick your favorite, and send me your Ask! Most importantly, enjoy yourself and have fun writing your next masterpiece!!

1. I wanna punch something in the face. (Sam)   @destiel-addict-forever 2. Straight “Shawshank” this bitch!  (Dean)    @myloveforyouxx 3. I may be many things, but I’m not stupid. (Mr. Ketch)   @capsheadquaters 4. I gave everything for you! And this is what you give me?! (Cas) 5. I kinda always wanted to punch the devil in the face. (Mary)   @justanotherdeangirl 6. This is what you do when I'm not here. Type? (Crowley)  @percussiongirl2017 7. And after awhile... that starts to weigh on you. (Benny) 8. I am not someone that you should put your faith in. (Castiel) 9. I believe you're drawn to danger. (Mr. Ketch)    @uniquewerewolfsuit 10. Dude, don't compliment the bad guys. (Dean)   @docharleythegeekqueen 11. Things are not just black and white out here. (Dean) 12. I’m still gonna peel off your skin and eat your soul. (Lucifer) 13. It's your professionalism that I respect.  (Alastair) 14. We'll just tie up the bonny lad. Could be fun. (Rowena) 15. You idiots. You’re all going to die. (Crowley) 16. Things like “cosmic consequences” have a habit of biting us in the ass. (Dean)     @maximumkillshot 17. If I plan to do anything else stupid, I’ll let you know. (Castiel)   @skyedoes-things 18. I am doing all I can, to slightly lessen the spread of... of genital herpes. (Sam)   @samwinjarpad 19. Okay if you don't like, uh, reckless I could use insouciant maybe? (Cas)   @beccafgs 20. You've just been Garth-ed. (Garth)    @wayward-mirage 21. Weird, creepy, off-the-grid "Children of the Corn" people? Yeah, I’m in. (Dean)    @deanandsamsbitch 22. For me, having you here, it fills in the biggest blank. (Sam) @sea040561 23. I want to stop losing people we love (John) 24. Damn right, REO. Kevin Cronin sings from the heart! (Jo) 25. Yeah, and Hannibal Lecter's a good psychiatrist. (Ellen)     @maximumkillshot 26. Don’t make things needlessly complicated as you humans tend to do. (Castiel)    @sea040561 27. I’ve been tortured by the devil himself so you, you’re just an accent in a pantsuit. What can you do to me? (Sam) 28. I don't think you can handle my rod. (Crowley)   @roxy-davenport 29. You two have the most unhealthy, tangled-up, crazy thing I’ve ever seen. (Lisa) 30. Your unclean… in the biblical sense. (Billie) 31. I'm tired Sam. I'm tired of this job...this life. This weight on my shoulders. Man I'm tired of it. (Dean)     @deanandsamsbitch 32. I told you that roadhouse chili was a bad idea. (Sam) 33. You can't save everyone. (Rufus) 34. You're like a walking encyclopedia of weirdness. (Dean)    @skyedoes-things 35. I'm worried about my boys. (Bobby) 36. As long as everyone wears a condom we'll be fine. (Jody)     @queencflair 37. I don’t sweat under any circumstances. (Castiel)    @beccafgs 38. I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol... just wait for the inevitable blast wave. (Cas) 39. Get the hell out of hell. (Crowley) 40. I mean, clearly, I have a type, but no, thank you, ma'am. Won't be once bitten, twice Doug'd. (Donna)

41. We talking misdemeanor kind of trouble? Or, uh…’squeal like a pig’s kind of trouble? (Dean)   @maximumkillshot 42. Do you have any idea how much stuff I had to steal, then pawn, to pay for that? (Metatron) 43. Fatherhood changes a man. (Crowley)    @roxy-davenport 44. I lie. I don't get lied to. (Benny)    @docharleythegeekqueen 45. We’re far from perfect. But we are good. (Sam)   @impalaimagining 46. I'm not a witch. I'm a nerd. (Charlie)   @wi-deangirl77 47. Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. (Bobby) 48. Kick it in the ass. (Bobby) 49. Wanna try that again like you mean it? (Sam)    @atc74 50. Maybe one day. But today you're my little bitch. (Cas) 51. You got me here now.  (Benny) 52. You Winchester boys and your talk. Blah blah blah repressed feelings. Blah blah blah passive aggression. (Charlie) 53. Come on in darling, the water's warm. (Sam)   @impalaimagining 54. I’ll give you a pass on account of the whole ‘raised by monsters’ thing. (Jody) 55. Why not go get washed up for the orgy?... All is so beautiful. (Cas) 56. You mean 'protection against a demon' salt or 'oops I split the popcorn' salt? (Dean) 57. But for your own good I strongly suggest you get a life. (Chuck) 58. You can't take the trick out of the trickster. (Gabriel)   @wideawakeandwriting 59. Is there such thing as a monster magnet? (Charlie) 60. I lied. I do that. (Crowley)    @winsister91 61. Please, accept this sandwich as a gesture of solidarity. (Cas) 62. You realize I'm not asking. (Benny) 63. Your password is "winning" with two "1's"? Fail. (Charlie) 64. Everything is supposed to end. (Dean)   @captainemwinchester 65. I will not apologize for being a career woman. (Rowena) 66. So which one are you? Grumpy, Sleepy, or Douchy? (Sam) 67. It's just.. I just want this over. (John) 68. You look like you got attacked by some PCP crazed strippers. (Dean) 69. You know, you pitched this whole dewy-eyed bromance thing, but the truth is, I'm on lockdown, aren't I? (Adam) 70. You boys have serious abandonment issues, don't you? (Meg) 71. Where'd you get the holy oil? (Gabriel) 72. Yeah well, there's one thing you have that he didn't. You're a Winchester. I forgive you Dean. (Charlie) 73. You fudging touch me again, I'll fudging kill you! (Dean)  @captainemwinchester 74. I got your message. It was long your message. I find the sound of your voice grating. (Cas) 75. I should be asking you the same thing. (Ruby) 76. You don't know me. You never did, and you never will. (Sam) 77. Did someone slip a mickey in your power shake? (Gabriel) 78. No doubt - endings are hard. But then again... nothing ever really ends, does it? (Chuck)     @hannahindie 79. Sorry you have me confused with that other angel. You know the one in the dirty trench coat who is in love with you. (Balthazar)     @skyedoes-things 80. Shouldn't trust run both ways? (Castiel) 81. Unleash the Kraken. See you tomorrow morning. (Sam)   @4401lnc 82. I don't usually drink beer. It messes with my depth perception especially when I'm skinny dipping. (Garth) 83. No. Sweetheart, if this is our last night on earth, then I'm going to spend it with a little thing I call self-respect. (Jo) 84. I think you're a hero. (Rowena) 85. I can't live in the desert. I'm applying to Princeton. (Kevin) 86. This is my voicemail, make your voice … a mail. (Castiel)   @goofynerd-67babylove 87. You give a girl all sorts of nasty ideas. (Abaddon)   @lucilepiewhiskey 88. Was that your Batman voice? (Charlie) 89. Your life is one big poop storm isn't it? (Donna) 90. I guess because every woman I've ever had relations with... it hasn't ended well. (Sam)     @goldenolaf25 91. Dragons? Those are a thing? (Jody) 92. We’ll always be bound. You helped me. We will always help each other. (Amara) 93. Wait a second. Did he drunk dial you? (Sam)   @mrsbatesmotel53 94. I'm a man of my word. (Dean)   @deanwinchester-smut 95. I mean nothing ever really gets deleted from the Internet. (Sam) 96. This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here. (Castiel)   @thecuriouscrusader 97. Dude, she wants me to meet her parents. I don't do parents. (Dean) 98. Wow. I must be the star of this thing. (Sam)   @melbelle45 99. I’ve never seen so much porn. (Chuck)     @winsister91 100. Well, call it personal experience, but nobody gets that angry unless they're talkin' about their own family. (Dean)   @chaos-and-the-calm67

Tagging any and everyone I can think of cause I’m just so excited about reaching 2K!!!!

@megansescape @madamelibrarian @chelsea072498 @jayankles @feelmyroarrrr @docharleythegeekqueen @crowleysdemonknight @motleymoose @sumara62 @mrstheorossix3 @evansrogerskitten @waywardjoy   @dwaynii @jensen-jarpad   @deathtonormalcy56 @ruprecht0420 @charliebradbury1104 @relmi-llorrac @wonderange @sandlee44 @tom-is-in-my-tardis @kmb99t @summer-binging-spn @posiemax @ohmychuckitssamanddean @thedevilinthedetails @bohowitch @tmccarney @dragon-tail @suli155 @mrsbatesmotel53 @petrovadixon @thewalkingmombie @mogaruke @spontaneousam @uniquewerewolfsuit @firstlady36 @goldenolaf25 @lunarsaturn88 @spn-hetalian-from-hogwarts @carribear31  @captainemwinchester’ @babypieandwhiskey @impala-dreamer @frenchybell  @idreamofhazel @nichelle-my-belle @moonlitskinwalker @redlipstickandplaid @taste-of-dean @avasmommy224 @you-are-not-in-my-contacts-list  @p-b-and-cas @supernatural-jackles @treasurecastiel @calicat79 @beccafgs @mysteriouslyme81 @chaos-and-the-calm67 @sis-tafics @benjerry707 @impalaimagining @sdavid09 @meganlpie @whispersandwhiskerburn @authoressskr @deanwinchesterforpromqueen @beccatigger @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @buckysmetallicstump @breeannhausler @sazrahlovesbooks @unfortunately-a @clinicalkayla @maddieburcham1 @ilostmyshoe-79 @roxy-davenport @eve05glee @jensenacklesfuckmeyes @ladyxdezi @catackles16 @wi-deangirl77 @dang-meddling-winchesters   @donnaintx @jdhillons @tiffanycaruso @pureawesomeness001 @notateenbeachmovie @deanlovespiebabyandmeloljkiwish @omgspnfanfiction @leonepanda @grimes-ft-winchester @thatshellfiredean @deanandsamsbitch @straitsupernaturalmalefan @farewell--sanity @lauramerrell1 @trustnobodyshootfirst @doro7winchester @mariairwin666 @tankcupcakes @atc74  @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @iwantthedean @paintrider13-blog @d-s-winchester @death2thevirgin @just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms @ellen-reincarnated1967 @just-another-busy-fangirl @waywardjoy @winchesterprincessbride @sea040561 @my-favorite-fanfiction67 @watercolor31 @nichelle-my-belle @kittenofdoomage @clairese1980 @shamelesslydean @dean-winchester69 @disconnectedartist @destiel-addict-forever @samwinlover @capsheadquaters @tardis-full-of-fallen-angels  @not-moose-one-shots @notnaturalanahi @hopeewilsonn @fanfreak07 @juanitadiann @captainemwinchester @imgetting2old4diss @hollygopossum @impalapiegirl67 @percussiongirl2017 @kael-the-author

[noxiim]

(1/3)Okayyyy so i mightve sent a few asks abt this before but this topic is really now bugging me cuz i have depression and im sensitive to like everything. Im starting to take this "not getting notes on my art" thing really personally and i know it sounds childish (and i laugh at myself for it) but i cant help but get upset when i spend so much time and effort and get like no feedback. And i know people say not to draw what u love and not for attention but honestly i dont even know what

and i dont even know if im drawing what ilike sometimes. Yeah i love bts but i dont know if i like what im drawing or ifim just doing it for notes???? And i have a lot of anxiety too and thats wherei feel like im taking this too personally. Cuz im starting to think that my artdoesnt get notes cuz its straight up not good which leads me to think ishouldnt even try to pursue a career in art anymore. But im not good atanything else so wtf am i gonna do if i dont succeed in art???? Like i said i laugh at myself for thinking like this and iprobably sound like a fuckin child but i cant help it???? Like i think my artis decent???? But maybe its not???? Idk like this was really hitting me todaycuz i feel like im wasting so much time and im probably gonna be one of thosepoor college students cuz i decided to focus on art more rather than taking ajob cuz i thought i could make money off of my art but yknow clearly its notgoing so well and im scared for my future U dont have to give advice to all of that i just needed tolet that all out 

Aw dude don’t worry I get what you mean,I actually experienced something similar when I first started posting my art totumblr, and even recently when I first started posting bts fanart. It’sperfectly normal to want recognition (in this case in the form of notes) forsomething you worked so hard on!! I think one of the major issues with postingto such a big fandom such as bts though is that there’s so many peopleproducing content at any given time, that it’s incredibly easy to get drownedout. Especially since tumblr changed how search and track tagging worked, itmade it that much harder for people to get noticed for their content.

When I first switched to drawing for bts,I found it hard because I also focused a lot on my note count. For someone whowas originally well established in a previous fandom, the move to bts was quitea jarring experience. I had built my following on tf2 art, and used toconsistently get a couple hundred notes, but one of main reasons why I left wasbecause of the dwindling of note counts. When I first left, overwatch had justcome out and a lot of attention shifted towards that game away from tf2, andalthough I still love the game, the dramatic decrease in notes on my art fortf2 really made me sad and I ended up deciding to leave the fandom after 3years of drawing tf2 art. I hopped around a bit, before eventually getting intobts. Even then, my first few pieces (they’re not on my #bts fanart tag so mostpeople wouldn’t have ever seen them) either got no notes at all or only two orthree. It was easier for me to establish myself in a fandom such as tf2 back inthe day since it was such a small, tight knit community with limited contentcreators, but now with bts there are so many more people and it just seemedhopeless for a while and I lost motivation in my art. I stopped wanting todraw, since it felt like nobody cared. Art is the biggest hobby I have, solosing my confidence in my art was crushing.

Now you might be wondering how I got towhere I am today. I’ll be completely honest with you. For me, I highly doubt Iwould be anywhere near where I am if it weren’t for networks. I had neverjoined a network before, but decided to join armiesnet and jimin network one daywhen I saw that applications were open. I got accepted, and I joined theirrespective group chats too. I met lots of great people on those chats, and madea lot of new friends which was nice after having moved fandoms and lost touchwith many previous mutuals. I’m so glad I joined networks, because not only doyou have the chance to make mutuals who will support you and your art, thenetwork blog itself also reblogs all its members’ content which gives youexposure to members of the network through both the network tag and through thedashboard. It’s a perfect way to get started, rather than hoping that somebodywith a decent following will happen to stumble across your work in the tags oneday and reblog it.

That being said, unless you’re like somesort of godly human being I don’t think we can ever get over how note countsfeel as an artist. We need something to gauge people’s response to our art, andthat tends to default to note counts. I can assure you that the feeling of disappointmentwhen your post doesn’t get as many notes as you want/expected it to is a thingpretty much all artists on this site shares. People always say “you should drawfor yourself, not for other people” but that’s the equivalent of like say themona lisa being painted and then left to rot in Da Vinci’s closet or something.The whole point of art is sharing your ideas/love for something through yourdrawings with other people, and so it’s perfectly normal to want therecognition you deserve for working so hard and putting so much love into yourcraft. When it feels like you’re all alone, you have to remember not to giveup. Creating art in such a big fandom can be unforgiving, but just rememberthat your art is never the one at fault. It’s all about finding that littlegolden window of exposure, whether it be through one big blog or a couplesmaller blogs reblogging your work. Those kind few people will be what helpsyou grow, and you have to keep posting for that to happen. If you water a plantbut it doesn’t bloom the next day, abandoning it will get you nowhere. If youjust keep going, keep watering it, results will come. Keep reminding yourselfthat you’re doing well, and you can compare older art to your current art tosee the progress and keep you motivated. Don’t force yourself to draw if youaren’t feeling it – art is something that should make you happy. I used to drawbecause I felt the pressure to put out content, but that just resulted in mefalling into a negative spiral of art block, limited motivation and generalunhappiness with my art as a result. Remember that there’s no such thing as adeadline when it comes to posting art on tumblr – work at whatever pace suitsyou and if anybody tries to rush you, shut them down. You’re the artist, youget to choose what you do with your art, how you do it, and how long you spendon it.

If you truly have your sights set onbecoming an artist full time, then by all means go for it! I can’t give muchadvice in that area since I only plan on keeping art as a hobby, but justremember that art school is always optional. In the end, working as an artistis all about the portfolio, not where you graduated from. It’s more importantto work on your art than it is to get in to an amazing art school. Sure, artschools can be useful, but in the end they are simply tools, sort of like atutorial rather than something that will magically turn you into an amazing artistwith amazing job offers. At the end of the day, it’s all up to yourself to workhard and promote yourself. Since art is all about reaching different audienceswith your work, promoting yourself is essential, even if it’s just casualfanart on tumblr. Feedback can’t come without exposure, and exposure can’t comewithout self-promotion.

Lastly, remind yourself that there’s nosuch thing as ‘bad art’. That might sound like a stupid statement, but inreality art is a constantly changing thing. There is no pinnacle of perfection,no model artwork that represents the most perfect drawing out there. Everyonehas different styles, everyone has different approaches, and most importantly,everyone is still improving. I’m still learning and trying to improve my ownart, and there’s no shame in that. It’s easy to perceive someone else’s art asbetter than yours which would lead to some self-critical thoughts, but you haveto remember that the other artist is probably looking at their own art andpicking it apart, thinking “aw man there are so many mistakes here.” It’s fineto make mistakes, after all, that’s how we learn. Just because we see mistakesin our own art doesn’t mean that everyone else will too – nobody looks at artand their first thought is to list all of the mistakes present. As long as youare aware of what you are less confident in and actively work to improve it,you can quickly surpass even the people you look up to.

So yeah, sorry that this is hella longlol, but in all honestly I can understand what you’re going through. It’seasier said than done, but even though it might feel hard - don’t give up. Youmight feel like you’re not getting anywhere at the moment but I assure you thatif you just keep going, things will only get better. That’s the thing abouttumblr, if you keep posting art your audience can only grow. For now, I would definitelyrecommend joining some networks, and making some friends. It’s not uncommon forpeople to promo their own work in the network chat occasionally, as long as youdon’t spam haha

Anywho, I wish you the best of luck withyour art journey. If you need me you know where to find me 💕💕💕

[zacfaq]

PLEASE DON’T SEND ME “PASS IT ON” MESSAGES !! as sweet as some of they are they can be really annoying. i don’t check my PMs here! if you need to get ahold of me either send me an ask, or email me.

apparently necessary reminder: google exists! i’m not a know-it-all source, honestly i shouldn’t even be your second plan after google unless it’s a question specifically based on me or something relating to me

i try to avoid fandom drama as much as possible and keep a generally positive space, so please don’t come and ask me about stuff like that. thanks. 

if you want to commission me please send an email to zacharyjackbaron@gmail.com. do not email me through this address if your intentions are purely social and not work related

-what do you use to record and edit your speedpaints?

i use OBS to record, and edit in sony vegas

-what do you use to draw?

huion gt-191 and clip studio paint

-what are your pen settings?

just the default settings. all my custom stuff/things i’ve downloaded from CSP assets are just things i think look neat but probably never end up using. 

-a blog called papersans is claiming to be you! are they a thief?

that’s literally me, i use it to archive my art so i can find stuff easier without having to hunt through my tag. also available for people who just want to see my art n not my other posts

-when is your birthday?

february 6th!

-what is your sexuality?

gay. i like men.

-how long does it take you to draw?

idk like. awhile? sometimes 45 minutes sometimes four hours sometimes a week. 

-can i draw you/your ocs?

of course! pls show me after it would make me very happy !!!!! 

-favourite band/singer/musician?

i don’t know a damn thing about myself here’s a spotify playlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Zk5o5g7nMnGt0vrJVEcDq?si=7cd248a0b64046ee

-will you do art for cheap/free?

nah. art is currently the only job/income i have, if ur interested in commissioning me you can either find my prices on like, any of my pages, but if not ur more than welcome to email me @ zacharyjackbaron@gmail.com and i can give you prices there !! -(venting or something involving abuse, suicidal thoughts, self harm, bullying, eating disorders, or other similar things in real life situations. even in fiction i’m iffy.)

i hate to sound rude or not be of help, but please don’t send these messages to me. they send me into horrible anxiety  for several personal reasons. if you’re having such negative thoughts i implore you to speak to someone you trust without an anonymous mask, or do your best to seek help from a professional. i have my own things to worry about and as much as i’d like to help, i simply can’t.

-(asking for advice that isn’t related to art)

i would love to help but i’m not an ~all knowing source~. i can’t give you tips for school. i can’t give you tips for life. not only will i probably not know a solution for you but there’s likely a chance i’m in just as bad a situation as you/going through the same problem, as silent as i am about my personal life. also don’t use ‘asking for advice’ as an excuse to vent about things or to send me a paragraph describing in depth something listed above/that’s potentially triggering. thank you.

even if you’re looking fr art tips i’m not a great source i’m still learning, ur best bet is looking for already existing sources and reading through those bc i don’t preach the word of Art God. i’m also awful at explaining things

-why didn’t you answer my ask?

Main reason is i’m just really really bad at socializing, so it’s not anything on u. i’m almost always low on energy and when i do talk to people it wears me out really quick. i’m also just. not gr8 at talking in general so if i can’t think of a reply i tend to just leave things n then end up forgetting about them

-how do you draw [blank]?

honestly my art style is such a fucked up thing that’s so personalized to my own use i can’t do or make tutorials. the best i can do is direct you to my youtube.

-can we do an art trade?

sorry, i’ll have to say no. i’m not necessarily busy but i get stressed very easily, so i try to keep my art to either personal stuff or work ! if you would like art from me, please considering commissioning me! mutuals and friends may be the exceptions here if they catch me at a good time or we make plans well ahead to do smth when we’re both free to work on stuff

-can we be friends?

please don’t ask this. i’m awful enough at socialization as is and i just don’t fit well with most personality types. not to mention this is just overall a bad question. it backs the person being asked into a corner where they either have to say “yes” and end up in a friendship that actually isn’t working out and is maybe only good for one side bc they’re getting any and all of the benefits, and if they say “no” they look like a total dick bag and come across as an ass. don’t ask this question. it’s not how socializing works. it’s not how friendships work. thanks. -can you tag [blank]? unfortunately i’ve been a real bad place in terms of memory so i can’t tag tons and tons of things. i try and tag more general/basic things but i’m sorry i’ll have to pass on specifics. if i post or reblog things that trigger u or harm you it might be best to unfollow for ur own safety!! very sorry

if it’s specific words you’d like tagged please consider blacklisting the word itself. 

-how tall are you?

i’m 5'11".

-can you promo me?

i’d rather not, doesn’t sit well with me. if you have a commission post you want me to reblog i’m happy to! but i won’t just do text based handouts, y’know? not a fan of being used for visibility for no reason, and chances are if i do it for one person it’ll happen with hundreds of others and i don’t want my blog to turn into a free advertisement zone that just floods peoples’ feeds with promotions.

-you reblogged something from someone extremely problematic/unsafe

thank you for letting me know! tell me what it is they did, even better offer proof on it. i’ll likely delete the post and blacklist their url to hopefully prevent their name popping up on my blog in the future. i won’t publish these asks mostly to avoid discourse or in the event false information is provided. sorta just safety precaution i guess

-you’ve done something bad

again, thank you for letting me know! if i post or say something questionable please feel free to message me and i’ll try my best to address the issue and adjust accordingly. i’m aiming to grow as a person so critique is welcome, both on me and my artwork. don’t just come up and call me an asshole or a prick or something, actually point out the errors and explain why they’re wrong so i can better understand and it doesn’t just turn into a defensive round of who’s worse, because i tend to be a very defensive person.

-i think someone is stealing/reposting your art!

thank you very much for telling me! don’t message them right off the bat, come to me first and i will deal with it. i’ve dealt with this shit tons of times and it’s tiring as fuck but i’d rather repeat the same stupid civil message over and over again than start a giant calamity over something and end up with someone getting hurt. if you do get involved please stay polite about it don’t throw insults just a simple “hey this art was done by princeofmints/tv-headache/zachary jack/dirtypip/(etc my other account names) and he doesn’t want his art reposted, please take this down or add proper credit.”

-can i use your art as an icon?

sure man. only on places like instagram, tumblr, or twitter though, and proper credit in an easy to see place must be given. if a piece of art is of my ocs or especially vent art though never use it for icons. thank you.

-can i repost your art?

the answer is “no” but i know you’re going to do it anyways. easy to see credit is mandatory. if you see somebody reposting my art please let me know and i’ll talk to them. if you want to use my art in things like image edits, i don’t allow that. want to use my art in a video? if it’s something like an AMV sure fine just credit me and inform me beforehand, if it’s something like a cringe/comparison video. no. i don’t want any association with work like that whatsoever. you may not use my artwork for fanfic covers.

-can i colour/finish one of your sketches?

no. even if you don’t intend on posting it. 

-what is [insert some form of media/fandom]

https://www.google.ca/

-why do you have an entirely separate blog for your FAQ? you know you can make blog pages, right?

i’m well aware of that and originally my faq WAS set up on a blog page, but unfortunately many folks proved to be either lazy or just couldn’t figure out how to get to a blog page on mobile so i had to set it up this way for accessibility purposes.

-tons of your videos are gone, what happened to them? will they come back? can you repost them?

i set old videos on private for my own sake, i don’t like having my old content available bc it just looks old and stale and i don’t like it. there’s nothing deep about it, i just don’t want people interacting with my old stuff. as deep is it gets is i just deleted videos related to fandoms i’m sick of bc the association is fuckin annoying. these videos will not come back into public. i do keep them posted for my own reflection sake, but that’s it. don’t ask me to bring them back. don’t whine about me not putting shit back out just bc ur a little sad n gonna cry. guilting people is gross, reevaluate yourself.

if you want a song from an old video, just ask me! I’ll happily let you know what the music is in case u liked ‘em and can’t remember the titles or artists. i’ve also got a playlist full of the music i listen to so u can comb through there n see if the songs u want are there

[ofdragondrumsmobile]

Rules

HEAD’S UP:

To all of my “loyal followers”: I know you may feel familiar with my rules, but please skim them on every blog you follow. In particular, you will need to scroll down and read everything below the “Guilt-Free Icons” section as they change for each blog. Everything else, yes, will stay the same. Thank you for your time and thank you for following so many of my blogs!

To those of you who are new, thank you for taking the time for stopping by. I know--I know these rules are long, but I've had them tested by many friends to ensure that they are all necessary. There is no password, so please take your time and I'll see you on the other side!

LAST RULE UPDATE: December 09, 2018

Mun

General

My name is Kymani, but most people call me “Kaichu”, “Kai”, or “Ky”. Go with whichever you like! Please note, however, that I will only sign my blogs and asks with "Ky" or the occasional "Kaichu" so as not to be confused with the many 'Kai' users in the world. So if you ever see someone claim to be me while using that spelling... they a lie, fam.

I use she/her pronouns and am a cis female so feel free to correct me if I make any -phobic booboos.

Mun is over 25. I’m happy to share my real age, but not so much to update this with every birthday.

My discord is (not very) selectively available to mutuals. If you choose not to exchange this with me, this is more than fine; please just be aware that I blog hop very inconsistently so I may be hard to reach.

Mun faceclaims are Raichu, Marina (Splatoon 2), Iridessa, and occasionally Kagome Higurashi or Jerry Mouse.

You can find links to all of my other active characters on my mun page.

Health

I have several physical and mental disabilities. These include, but are not limited to, Sickle Cell Anemia, Asthma, Depression, Anxiety, and moderate OCD.

Note that there are some things that will trigger my OCD and therefore I will often choose not to follow you for or unfollow for. They include but are not limited to: uncut posts; icons that aren’t circles or squares (circles/squares with excessive decoration are FINE); using full-sized reaction images; and/or a general lack of organization on the blog. Most of these can be addressed, but I will never pressure a mun to change their style or format for me.

I will generally make or have someone make update posts informing you of my hospitalizations. Sometimes I forget, though. In any case, if I’ve made it clear that I am feeling unwell, do NOT hassle me for replies or an explanation of my situation. I will block people for this.

Be aware: I am a chronically ill person with many, many characters whose writing schedule is dictated by both her health and muse. I will forget things and disappear/reappear for weeks to even a month at a time from my blogs. As well, I may be very obviously selective/biased, so if this will upset you, my blogs are not for you.

Also note: it is not uncommon for me to unfollow and refollow people but this is not intentional. As I manage tens of blogs, it is easy to forget which blog people will follow me on. If you notice me doing this, feel free to message me and/or block that account.

Also, it is incredibly important to understand that due to the fact that I have been on opioids since I was a child, I have impaired memory. I can and will forget things we’ve discussed/written and I just ask for your patience and understanding on this.

I am open to answering questions regarding my health, but I expect you to both know the basics about the diseases and have read THIS PAGE before you approach me.

Last on this point but HUGELY important: please do not approach me with questions or jokes about how many muses I write. It's officially at the point where it's only okay or funny if I do it. Cause the thing is I know you mean it as a complement. I know you do. But the answer, for the record, to that question is this: "The cold hard fact is that I'm no longer healthy enough to attend school or work. So I am at home all day every day with the time (if I am well) to run as many muses as I please and it may be the only thing keeping me sane." So please, just don't make the joke. I'll joke along with you, I'll try not to make you as sad as you just made me, but it makes me really sad to think about and I have to stop pretending it doesn't.

Personals

Do:

Go ahead and follow! I don’t mind as long as you follow the rules. (Breaking them consistently enough to notice will lead to a block though.)

Like RPs if you like them. (But try to make sure my partner’s okay with that, too!)

Send in memes and questions; just don’t expect them to turn into a thread or anything.

Tell me if you’re following on behalf of a side RP blog cause I won’t check/know otherwise! (Only matters if you follow first.)

Don’t:

Reblog my promos.

Reblog my OOC posts.

Reblog my roleplays.

Following

This is a selective and private blog. This means I don’t follow everyone and I only RP with mutuals.

Please do not message me asking for an RP if we are not mutuals. I understand that you’re just reaching out, but it really makes me anxious and I will feel extremely guilty. Therefore, all messages of this kind will be deleted. Repeated attempts will lead to a block.

I will not follow blogs without a rules page. Very rare exceptions are made for blogs that I know for fact are mobile-only. I am slightly more lenient when it comes to about pages, but only if there is significant writing on the blog for me to read through instead.

I am OC and selectively crossover friendly.

I’m cool with multimuse blogs as long as your muses each have an about page for me to read over. I won’t be making exceptions here (unless i already know the writer) simply because I find it impractical to go through the blog and look for writing for each specific muse I want to interact with.

I may several weeks to follow back. This may be due to illness or just not noticing because of how many blogs I run.

I eventually unfollow mutual-only blogs who have not followed me back. This is simply because I like to know I can RP with those on my dash and nothing more.

I do not follow blogs that exclusively use real-life faceclaims (rlfcs). I will also not RP with rlfcs, so if you have a verse that only uses a rlfc, I won’t RP with it. Please note that this applies to people roleplaying live-action characters, as well. Thanks for understanding.

Interaction & Replies

I am EXTREMELY selective about roleplaying with muns under the age of eighteen. Trying to deceive me about your age will lead to a BLOCK.

I am open to using messaging for OOC interaction at all times. IC interactions must be agreed upon beforehand.

All of my open starters and starter calls are for mutuals only unless otherwise stated. Repeated offenses for non-mutuals liking my starter calls will lead to a block.

I go through my thread tracker periodically and try to keep my total thread count (across all accounts) under 11O. I will try to message my partners about threads I drop but understand that I may not always have the energy to do so. You are always welcome to ask about the status of our threads so long as you remain polite and tactful.

Shipping

My blogs will always be multiship.

With that said, I’m on some occasions a ship-exclusive kind of girl. That means I’ll ship with one version of each character. I will always announce if this is going to be the case.

I like my ships to develop naturally, so even if it seems like I prioritize friends, know that you can always shoot me an ask and as long as it’s not a notp I’m always open to tossing the characters at each other and giving it a shot.

Tags & Triggers

My blogs are never spoiler-free. For TV-show based blogs, the most recent episode aired in its native language will be tagged as a spoiler until the next episode airs. For games, I tag and try to readmore spoilers for a few months. Threads themselves may or may not be tagged if the line is sort of blurry. Always, therefore, read with caution.

I am blocking the tag #Ky Don’t Look/#Ky Dont Look for phobias related to penises, water, and a few other things. It is imperative that you read over my BLOCKED TAGS AND TRIGGERS for full details.

These triggers are often related to trauma and can give me panic attacks and/or depressive episodes. I will gently remind you a few times, but if it becomes a repeated issue, I will unfollow.

If you need anything special tagged or I’ve forgotten something, please let me know! I won’t bite.

NSFW & Smut

Many of my blogs will contain nsfw themes including but not limited to: themes of depression, violence, bullying, etc. These are rarely (if ever) tagged but can be by request.

Blogs that are considered to be “trigger-heavy” will always have their own disclaimer.

I will only be writing sexual nsfw on discord with 18+ muns that I am comfortable with.

Regarding smut: sometimes it’s difficult for me, sometimes it’s not. I can be extremely squeamish regarding the topic, so I’m very fickle when it comes to these threads. I ask, very simply, that partners who engage in these types of threads with me understand that it is common for me not to finish these threads and I ask that they do not push for replies on these. (Like, ever.) It will make me more self-conscious and, if I’m already panicking about a reply, it will only make it worse.

With that said, I would appreciate it if you didn’t baby me by disallowing me to write these threads. If it makes you personally uncomfortable to write them with me, that’s fine. But it has been deemed a safe and valuable practice by my counselor for me to continue to explore this subject so that, hopefully, I will become more and more comfortable with it. (And, you'll be comforted to know that I am already seeing progress!) So when I’m interested in writing sexual nsfw, please don’t feel as though you need to shy away from me!

Aside from all of that, general rules apply: I won’t write sexual nsfw with anyone under the age of eighteen. (Although with that said, given my age, I tend to prefer my smut partners to be twenty-one and older. This is a soft rule, though, as my comfort with the partner outweighs a numerical value.) I also will not write any other kind of nsfw with anyone under the age of sixteen.

Activism & “Drama”

In this house, discussion about x-isms, x-phobias, and injustices as it relates to the roleplay community and/or the fandom is NOT considered drama and therefore it will NOT be tagged as such. HOWEVER:

While most of my blogs will NOT have a tag for it at all, should it come up, I will create an #activism tag for the blog. So yes, you will have a tag to block if you are genuinely discomforted by the conversation, but no, I will not conflate it with “drama”.

If you’re reading this on writtenbykaichu or a blog that features a dark-skinned person of color, please be aware that issues such as these are much more likely to be discussed.

Guilt-Free Icons

Yes, I am a mod at guiltfreeicons–Jerry Mod, to be exact.

I will, on very rare occasions, make posts regarding taking requests. Those posts are considered active for 48 hours after the ORIGINAL post was made.

If you need to ask a question about GFI, first read the rules. Then, try contacting us here. If that doesn’t work, contact us here. Most importantly:

Never ever I mean NEVER message me or any of the other mods regarding guiltfreeicons (or making icons for you on the side) on any of our personal or roleplay blogs. We WILL auto-block over this.

Miscellaneous

When it comes to battles, I write with a mix of Anime & Game canon. For that reason, I expect to have full communication with my partners throughout the battle.

I’m always open to writing Gym/Championship Battles, but I’ll only write one or two at a time.

Underestimating my character will just generally lead to a bad time.

Note that there will likely continue to be a lot of Iris and Pokeani related salt on this blog. It’s always tagged, but you have been warned.

Always always always plot out fight threads with me. We don’t have to come up with things step-by-step ahead of time, but I expect to stay in contact with you throughout so that we can be on the same terms with where we’re going and who’s doing what.

Credits

This theme was designed and coded by Kas.

The bulk of my Iris icons are credited to myself and my partners at guiltfreeicons. The rest can be found at: animexiconxdump, aureajuniper, bramblepaw, marshmallows-pokemon-icons, pokecafehouse, pokemoniconhunts, and senbeiedits. 

Credits for Kagome Higurashi icons can be found here. All edits were made by me and are for my own personal use.

Most of my Raichu icons were gifted to me by thunderstonereject. If you would like access to these icons, you will need to ask them for their permission. Any public-use icons I have can be found at guiltfreeicons. All edits were made by me and are for my own personal use.

All Jerry icons were cropped and edited by me for my own personal use.

Verse image credits here.

The artwork on this theme was commissioned by me from nerdinsandals and is for my personal use.

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[searchingwardrobes]

Self-Promo Sunday: Everyone Needs a Mother

I was inspired to write this story after reading a novel called No Other Will Do by Karen Witemeyer. In it, the main character is an orphan (who reminded me a lot of Killian Jones, actually), and even as an adult with a good job, he sets aside food whenever he eats. This is actually more of a Snowing and in particular a Mama Snow story than Captain Swan, which is part of the reason I’m deleting it from Ao3. However, I still love the feels in this story and hope ya’ll do too!

Summary: Snow notices a habit that her daughter and her son-in-law share, and it breaks her mothering heart. So, like any good mother, she decides to do something about it.

Rating:G (though discussions of children going hungry could be a trigger for some)

Words: 1500 and some change

On Ao3 until 11/24/19

Tagging the usuals: @snowbellewells​​​​​ @jennjenn615​​​​​ @kday426​​​​​ @let-it-raines​​​​​ @teamhook​​​​​ @kmomof4​​​​​ @bethacaciakay​​​​​ @profdanglaisstuff​​​​​ @resident-of-storybrooke​​​​​ @thislassishooked​​​​​ @tiganasummertree​​​​​  @whimsicallyenchantedrose​ @snidgetsafan​​​​​ @delirious-latenight-laughs​​​​​​ @winterbaby89​​​​​​ @distant-rose​​​​​​ @shireness-says​​​​​​ @xhookswenchx​​​​​​ @optomisticgirl​​​​​​ @spartanguard​​​​​​ @branlovestowrite​​​​​​ @welllpthisishappening​​​​​​ @hollyethecurious​​​​​​ @stahlop​​​ @scientificapricot​​​

The first time Snow noticed the habit in Emma, they were friends and roommates, ignorant of the fact that they were actually mother and daughter. They were chatting over breakfast as Emma toasted a bagel, slathering one half with cream cheese. The other she wrapped in a napkin before racing out the door. Snow shrugged it off assuming Emma was just in a hurry and finishing her breakfast on the run. But the pattern continued. One pancake and the other to go, one sugar cookie from the booth on Miner’s Day and one slipped in the inside pocket of her leather jacket. Snow finally came to the realization that her friend squirreled away food. To test her theory, she made a huge breakfast one morning with all the works: pancakes, bacon, eggs, and toast. There was no way Emma could slip any of that in her pocket.

But she could wrap up the plate in aluminum foil and slip it in the fridge.

The first time she noticed Killian’s similar habit, she had other, more pressing matters on her mind. Like the shiny steel hook that had her jaw dropping as she pulled it from his satchel. She didn’t really have time to think about the half a hard-tack biscuit wrapped in a handkerchief at the bottom. Exactly half of the biscuit they had given him back at the camp when they thought he was just a blacksmith.

When life slowed down, Snow noticed Emma and her true love’s habit more and more. When Snow asked them over for dinner, they never finished their plates, always asking for Tupperware at the end of the evening for the leftovers. Every time they met for meals at Granny’s, Emma and Killian had to ask for a two-go box. When Regina jokingly asked why they didn’t just share a plate like Lady and the Tramp, the pair looked up with bewildered expressions. That was when Snow realized the habit was so ingrained, they didn’t even realize they were doing it.

She started watching them more closely. Killian was methodical, cutting a pancake precisely in half or running a spoon evenly down a mound of mashed potatoes. Even so, he did it on autopilot, often continuing in lively conversation as he dissected his meal. Though Emma was generally more haphazard about it, sometimes pausing before a bite, then lowering the food as she seemed to think better of it; she did count out her onion rings carefully, dividing them into two neat piles.

The refrigerator at the Jones house was packed with leftovers. When Snow commented on it to Henry, he had shrugged, eyes never leaving his video game.

“Our refrigerator in New York was the same,” he told her distractedly, “Walsh threw stuff out that had been in there for months.”

It was as if her daughter and her son-in-law were literally storing away food for the winter. She wouldn’t have been surprised to find a stock of canned goods in the shed like Doomsday Preppers. Except Emma and Killian seemed completely unaware of what they were doing.

The years rolled by and still Snow made no comment. Until her granddaughter came along and almost from the start became a food hoarder. On her second birthday, the child only finished half her slice of cake and asked, “Gamma, can I has some tuppa?” The same thing she heard her parents ask after every family dinner.

Things had gone too far, so she decided to talk it over with David. They were doing the dishes together one night, when Snow brought it up.

“David, have you noticed that both Emma and Killian only eat half of their food?”

David’s brow creased as he thought about it. “Yeah, I guess so,” then he chuckled, “that explains why they’re both so thin despite Emma’s junk food obsession.”

Snow frowned, her eyes narrowing, “It isn’t funny, David. It isn’t just that they only eat half; they save the rest for later.”

David sighed as he took in his wife’s expression. He dried his hands on the kitchen towel slung over his shoulder as he turned to her. “Honey, I know it worries you, but it’s just an old habit.”

“A habit they picked up as orphans,” Snow cried, “and before you say I’m jumping to conclusions, I asked Archie about it.”

David shrugged, “Well, that makes sense, they both spent many years unsure where their next meal was coming from. Even as adults, they had it rough. Emma admitted to you sleeping in her car was nothing new, and I’m sure pirates have lean times quite often.”

“But they don’t have to worry about that now. They have steady jobs, a roof over their heads, and even if they lost those things, they have a huge family and a town full of friends who would never let them go hungry.” Snow was pacing now, her anxiety rising. David stopped her with gentle hands to her shoulders.

“Like I said, sweetheart, it’s just a habit. Now that I’m thinking about it, I know that you’re right. But I also know that they aren’t even aware that they do it. It isn’t hurting anyone.”

Snow tilted her head up to scowl at her husband. “It’s hurting Hope. She’s picked up the habit. The other day I gave her two chocolate chip cookies, but right before she took a bite of the second one, she stopped. Asked me to wrap it up for her. Do you know what she said? Never know when the stores might get low.”

She saw David’s mouth twitch up and knew he was suppressing a laugh. “So Killian has taught her some sailor’s wisdom. Self-control and saving for later aren’t bad ideas, actually.”

Snow crossed her arms and stared at the floor for a moment in thought. Then she looked back up at her husband thoughtfully. “Maybe I should talk to them.”

David’s eyes went wide as he shook his head. “No, Snow, no! Do you know how embarrassed they both would be? And I know how you and Emma get when her days as an orphan come up.”

“What do you mean?”

David sighed deeply. “You start feeling guilty and then Emma feels bad for making you feel bad. It never ends well. Look. I know you want to mother them, but believe me, it’s best to drop it.”

Snow knew he was right, even as a frown marred her face. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his chest as he held her close. He kissed the top of her head, and her eyes slipped shut. Her husband’s words replayed in her mind. I know you want to mother them.

Snow’s eyes flew open and she smiled. That was it!

**************************************************

Snow tried to be subtle about it: an extra scoop of mashed potatoes, a larger roast for family dinners, a slightly larger slice of pie. She even got Granny in on it, convincing the woman to give Emma an order and a half of onion rings. Or at least she thought she was being subtle. Then Emma cornered her in the kitchen after a family dinner at the farm house.

“Okay Mom, what’s up?”

Snow schooled her features as she turned from the refrigerator to see Emma standing there with her arms crossed. Snow mimicked her, crossing her own arms and leaning back against the appliance. “What are you talking about?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “I’m talking about the obscenely large slice of chocolate cake you just served Killian.”

Snow laughed as she grabbed a cloth and began wiping down the counters. “Emma, he’s a grown man and a pirate. He can handle that much cake.”

“Please, Mom. You’re the world’s worst liar. I’ve noticed it for weeks now. The mountains of mashed potatoes, the extra-large roasts. And did you tell Granny to up my onion rings?”

Snow inwardly cursed as she felt heat rise to her pale cheeks. “Emma, you’re exaggerating.”

Her daughter arched an eyebrow and tapped her booted foot on the hardwood floor. “Mhm. Okay. What is it? Think we need fattening up? Worried we’re wasting away?”

Well, at least this Snow could answer honestly. She lifted her eyes to meet Emma’s. “Of course not, honey. You may be thin, but look at those arms of yours. I’ve seen you wrestle beasts, literally. And Killian may be slim, but I’ve seen those biceps when he actually takes off that leather jacket. You’re healthy as horses.”

A smile tilted Emma’s mouth, “You checking out my husband’s biceps, Mom?”

Snow laughed and flicked her daughter with the kitchen towel. “If I wanted to check out some hot biceps, I’d just admire your father with his shirt off.”

Emma’s nose crinkled, “Ew, mom, TMI!”

They both laughed for a minute or two, and then Snow came close and cupped her daughter’s face in her hands. “Can you trust me, Emma? You and Killian both went far too long without a mother, and I aim to fix that. Please?”

Snow could tell her daughter was trying valiantly to remain composed, but the sheen of tears in her eyes gave her away. Emma nodded then stepped from her mother’s embrace. Before turning to go, she shook the unshed tears away and flashed her mother a grin.

“I’m okay with that.”

***************************************************

At the next family dinner, Snow was filling up plates and passing them around the large dining room table in the farm house’s formal dining room. When she handed her daughter a loaded plate, Emma just winked and smiled at her mother. Then Snow added an extra scoop to Killian’s already massive mound of mashed potatoes, and handed him a plate as well.

The pirate winked at her as he accepted the heavy plate. “Thank you, Mother Snow.”

[searchingwardrobes]

Self Promo Sunday

My next fic disappearing from Ao3 is another speculation fic from before season six featuring Hyde as the bad guy in a Prince Humperdink scenario. It’s kind of silly, to be honest.

Summary: Mr. Hyde is forcing Emma Swan into marrying him. But Hyde has never seen the Princess Bride. Emma has. She knows how this ends.

Rating: G

Words: just shy of 2,000

On Ao3 until 11/10/19

Tagging the usuals:@snowbellewells @jennjenn615 @kday426 @let-it-raines @teamhook@kmomof4 @bethacaciakay @profdanglaisstuff @resident-of-storybrooke @thislassishooked @tiganasummertree@whimsicallyenchantedrose @snidgetsafan @delirious-latenight-laughs​ @winterbaby89​ @distant-rose​@shireness-says​ @xhookswenchx​ @optomisticgirl​ @spartanguard​ @branlovestowrite​ @welllpthisishappening​ @hollyethecurious​ @stahlop​

In this day and age of modern, independent women, you would think dreams of princesses, castles, and balls wouldn’t even enter girl’s minds anymore. And yet … how does one explain the continued popularity of Disney princesses? Sure, maybe some parents are playing into gender stereotypes, but plenty of moms in sensible suits making six figure incomes are more than willing to plop down 75 bucks for one of those top of the line dresses at the Disney Store. And even if some women try to deny otherwise, why are so many women still swooning over Mr. Darcy? (Or, secretly, Flynn Ryder, smolder and all.)

Emma Swan was no different. By day she hunted down scum bags in sensible knee high boots. But by night … Well, let’s just say she was no stranger to Ben, Jerry, or Mr. Darcy. (As for Flynn Ryder, she would deny that one to her dying breath. She had no kids, so she had no excuse for watching Tangled to begin with).

But Emma’s favorite was The Princess Bride. Sure, Buttercup sometimes got on her nerves (What?! NOW you choose to pick up the damn branch! Help the man, girl!), but Emma couldn’t help but be moved by Westley’s utter devotion to her. Every time Westley declared to Buttercup that even death couldn’t stop true love, Emma would pause with her breath caught in her throat, spoonful of rocky road paused halfway to her lips. If only men like Westley were actually real.

Then she found out Disney princesses were, in fact, real. So were their princes. There really were fairy tales with true love and happy endings. But a real Westley? Doubtful. Until … there he was, the man in black. Lopsided grin, mesmerizing eyes, and a quick-witted tongue. She tried to suppress the schoolgirl fantasies, swearing even when she hauled him in for a kiss that it couldn’t possibly be as good as she dreamed. But the kiss was. And he was. What she had dreamed. “As you wish,” and everything. Even “death can’t stop true love; it can only delay it for a little while.” Yes, even Westley was real. Only his name was actually Killian Jones. And his more colorful moniker, instead of Dread Pirate Roberts, was Hook.

If she was living out her little fantasy, Emma should have anticipated a Prince Humperdink and a forced marriage at some point. Yet she hadn’t. They had done the whole death thing. A Prince Humperdink seemed rather anticlimactic. However, enter from stage right … Mr. Hyde.

Yeah, figures. Her Prince Humperdink was Mr. Freakin’ Hyde. I’ll take psychopaths for two hundred, Alex. Apparently, there was some prophesy about the child of the savior, so Hyde wanted to father it with her. Thankfully, his Victorian sensibilities required marriage first. Thank god.

Emma knelt in front of the door of her locked room, her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth as she attempted to pick the lock with a hair pin. She may be Princess Buttercup in this little drama, but she wasn’t just going to sit around and wait. She had already tried her magic. Her non-existent magic, apparently. She wasn’t sure what Hyde had done, but she wasn’t able to use it. Just when Emma thought the lock had clicked open, a jolt sent her falling backwards onto her rear. Emma swore under her breath as she got to her feet. So much for picking the lock. She turned instead to the window. Bars. It was a stark reminder that she was being held captive in an asylum. No castles for Emma Swan. No sir. For her story, it was an asylum. Fitting.

Emma stood and began pacing; gnawing on her fingernails as she racked her brain for a plan. As she did, the door swung open. Emma lowered her hand quickly and squared her shoulders. No need to let Hyde see any nervousness or fear. Yet it’s a servant girl, not Hyde who shuffles into the room, a white wedding dress draped over her arm.

“Pardon me, Miss,” the maid says shyly. “I’m to get ye into yer gown and fix yer hair.”

Emma crosses her arms smugly over her chest. “I’m not putting that dress on because I’m not marrying the psycho.”

The maid – Mary, if Emma remembers correctly – looks around nervously. “The master told me ye would say that. He says he’ll put it on ye heself if ye refuse me help.”

Emma narrows her eyes, marches forward, and snatches the dress out of Mary’s hand. She knows, unfortunately, Hyde’s super-human strength from her run-ins with him in Storybrooke. “I’ll put it on myself,” Emma mutters. She stomps behind the dressing screen in the corner. “It also doesn’t mean I’m marrying him.”

Emma puts the dress on as quickly as she can, but needs Mary’s help in buttoning up the back. As the maid works the buttons, Emma speaks, a tilt to her chin. “Killian is coming for me anyway.”

Mary says nothing at first, simply steering Emma towards the vanity. Emma examines the dress as she sinks onto the velvet stool. Hideous. Huge. And the bows! What is this? My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Mary begins deftly working on her hair, a dreamy smile playing on her lips. “Yer pirate is rather dashing, Miss.” Emma meets Mary’s eyes in the mirror. The maid ducks her head before continuing, a blush coloring her cheeks. “Eyes like the sea after a storm …”

Emma gasps. This maid has never been to Storybrooke. So that means … Killian is here! This Mary girl has seen him (hence the blushing). Emma’s hand goes to her breast without thinking. Resting there, hanging from a chain around her neck, is the garnet ring Killian gave her in Camelot as well as the engagement ring he gave her just a week ago in Storybrooke. Emma had feared Hyde would take it, so she had slipped it onto the chain with the other ring. Luckily, the high Victorian neckline of the dress conceals them well. Emma smiles and exchanges a glance with the maid. He’s here!

Mary finishes with Emma’s hair. Though the dress is an over the top mess, Emma’s hair, thankfully isn’t. Mary has expertly pulled a little back from the sides and top with pins, letting the rest cascade in soft curls down her back. Mary lifts something from a mahogany box atop the vanity table and sets it on Emma’s head. A crown. Not a tiara. A full-on crown. Just like Princess Buttercup’s in the movie.

“Um … “ Emma wets her bottom lip. “Don’t you think it’s a little … much?”

“Oh, law, Miss!” Mary exclaims. “Yer a princess, Miss! And a bride. A princess bride.”

Emma suppresses a chuckle. The girl would think she was making fun of her.

Mary suddenly stiffens as Hyde strides into the room. She curtsies quickly, mumbling that the bride is ready, and hurries from the room. Hyde stands behind her, awkwardly placing his hands on her shoulders. “Nervous, my dear?”

Oh, so he wants to play out the whole scene? Fine. Emma knows it by heart.

“Why? Should I be?”

“I’m told bride’s often are.”

Okay, now this is just getting downright eerie. Still, Emma plays along. She rises smugly from the stool, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

“I do not wed tonight. My pirate will come for me.”

****************************************************

Emma wonders at the crowd in the asylum chapel. Are these people here by force? Do they know she is marrying Hyde against her will? She tries to catch someone’s eye as she walks down the aisle, looking for a familiar face, or perhaps an ally. But everyone averts their eyes, avoiding her gaze.

When the priest steps forward, Emma half expects “Wuv, twue wuv” to come out of his mouth, but it doesn’t. He does wax on a little long about the sanctity of marriage. Rather ironic, if you ask Emma. Halfway through his spiel, Emma thinks she hears shouts in the corridors of the asylum. A grin lights up Emma’s face. She turns to Prince Hump – er – Hyde.

“There is my Killian, now.”

Hyde’s face, as usual, remains stony and impassive. “Impossible.”

Emma is really getting into the scene now. “Then why is there fear behind your eyes?”

“Do you have the rings?” the priest interrupts, and Emma can’t help the chuckle that bubbles up from her throat. She could have sworn he said “wings” instead of “rings.”

The sounds outside of the chapel grow louder. Not just shouts, but the sound of clanging steel. Perhaps the “woosh” and “twang” of arrows? A vein in Hyde’s forehead twitches. “Skip to the end.”

“Do you, Emma Swan –“

“Man and wife!” Hyde snaps through gritted teeth. “Just say man and wife!” The priest shrugs. “Man and wife.”

Emma grins and winks at the priest as Hyde grabs her by the elbow and hauls her out of the chapel’s rear door. They head down one short corridor and Hyde opens the door to a room more opulent than anything she has yet to see in this dark, foreboding place. The honeymoon suite, apparently. How nauseating. Hyde shoves her inside. Emma stands in front of the doorway, smirking.

“You’ve never seen The Princess Bride, have you?”

Hyde practically growls in frustration, slams the door, and locks it. She hears his heavy footfalls echoing away down the hallway.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

Emma falls to her knees in front of the locked door, pulling a hair pin out of her wedding ‘do. She has just begun fiddling with the lock when she hears a voice behind her.

“Need a hand with that, love?”

Emma hasn’t even turned around yet when she cries out his name. “Killian!” She rushes to him, throwing her arms around his neck and covering his mouth with hers. She then peppers kisses across his face. “I knew you would come!”

Killian leans back with a smile on his face that quickly fades to a look of concern. “Am I too late?”

Emma laughs and shakes her head. “Hyde has obviously never seen The Princess Bride.”

A grin spreads across Killian’s face. “Ahhh, I see. Forgot the vows, did he?”

Emma beams up at him, her Westley. “Yeah. He’s a regular Prince Humperdink.”

Killian gives her his best smirk, pulling her even closer against him. “Well then, lass, to the Jolly Roger, shall we? If you wouldn’t mind.”

Pounding is coming from the other side of the door.

“But Killian, Hyde is blocking my magic somehow!”

Killian cocks an eyebrow. “You doubt me love? That was Regina’s mission. Now, poof away.”

Emma isn’t sure if the best line is “As you wish” or “I will never doubt again,” so she says neither and just flicks her hand. Sure enough, when the smoke clears, they are on the deck of Killian’s ship. She’s quickly enveloped in hugs from her parents and Henry. Regina shows her affection with snark, as usual. “What took you two so long? Were you testing out the bridal chamber?” Emma just rolls her eyes, smiles at Regina, and thanks her.

As they sail away, with the sun setting in the distance, Killian comes to her side. As he takes her in his arms, she’s reminded of a scene at the very end of The Princess Bride.

In the history of kisses, there have been five rated the most passionate, the most pure.

This one left them all behind.