#// she feels like she has failed cain so badly for how things turned out

[edenpoise]

⁽ @wrstson ⁾ ― ： starter call. from here .

E . ― THE CRIES OF HER FIRST CHILD WAS SOMETHING SHE COULD NEVER FORGET. From the first moment she had laid the child against her chest- the stream of tears and the refusal to cease of his crying until she had lead him to her breast to feed- from the moment she had seen his face Eve had known she had felt a true sense of love. A true sense of utter adoration- a feeling that nearly raged a burning sense of PROTECTION and LOVE- her first born child, Cain.

Other children would follow after. But it would be Cain that followed in his mother's footsteps, the act of sinning. There was no doubt within her mind- she had cursed her children, from the moment the LORDS voice had revealed the death of her second child. The mourning, the sorrow- the tearing anguish she had felt from not only the babe in which had been d e a d in her arms- but from also the cruelty in which she had blessed her child, her Cain. She had unsaid pleas on her tongue- the torn duty of mourning for a child she had lost- but also the desperate need to keep her first by her side. The last she had seen of her CHILD had been so long ago- and she feared she could no longer remember the look on his face from the last glance her way.

But she could never forget her child- almost as if all the years came back to her at once-

" ... Cain, " Her breath was wispy, filled with a disbelief ( and hope )- "- My baby ... is that you ? "

[milfcodeddean]

Memento Moratus Sum

Emma Haunts the Necklace- The Fic <3

Starts more post/concepty and becomes a fic bc I did not plan on this it was stream of consciousness!  I have not seen all of the later seasons and it was hard to keep track of what plot points to mention even of all the seasons I have seen!

AO3

Emma dies and Dean keeps her necklace to have something to remember her by, partly out of grief for what could have been partly as an act of emotional self flagellation. He wears it under his shirt, a secret, just like any thoughts he has about his dead daughter. 

Emma is a ghost because she didn’t do enough to be a monster and earn her place in purgatory but she isn’t human enough for heaven and she’s anchored to the necklace.

She follows Dean around silently, quickly learning enough about ghosts to know if she reveals herself too soon or ever really then Dean is going to burn the necklace.

During season seven Dean is haunted by two ghosts, Bobby, who is actively reaching out for him, and Emma, who is a silent observer. I think Emma hides from Bobby, he’s a hunter and she doesn’t want him to tell Dean about her, OR Bobby sees her before she knows ghosts can see other ghosts and they talk and he pities her but agrees to not let Dean know

Dean is wearing the necklace when he goes to purgatory. Emma is still a ghost here but it’s different, and she’s been watching this man for months now, he’s her world now. She keeps some of the monsters away, she makes him wake up when there are threats at night, she watches him befriend a monster and burns with pain at the knowledge that maybe she could have had that. Maybe she didn’t need to kill him, maybe he would have loved her not just as a dead hypothetical but as her.

Dean comes out of purgatory with an extra extra passenger. She watches with a sense of smugness as he rages at Sam, she pretends he���s also mad over her. She doesn’t like Sam’s attitude towards Benny either. She gets to see her great grandfather and she sees him die. She talks to his ghost, he calls her granddaughter (forgetting the great) even after learning she’s an amazon, before he gets reaped.

There’s an empty room in the bunker she pretends is hers. She moves objects in there, never quite decorating, but practicing telekinesis where Dean won’t see it and making up a fantasy of a life she could have had. She still never minds being tethered to Dean, especially now as he doesn’t sleep around and spends less time in bars where she’s left uncomfortably watching. She likes going to the grocery store, she likes watching him cook, maybe a few times she’s kept a pot from boiling over or a bag from falling. She’s learning to live from watching Dean, he doesn’t know it, but he’s teaching her life skills. She doesn’t know the names for the dishes he teaches her to make or the parts of cars or guns but she etches the motions he makes into her mind. She likes Charlie, she wishes she could meet her, and she likes larping. She imagines herself as an Amazon warrior of antiquity, armored in bronze.

She tried to wake Dean and Charlie out of their djinn dream but nothing worked, she tried to fight the djinn to no avail either. When Dean and Charlie hugged she wished she could be in their embrace too.

She’s glad it’s Bobby’s ghost they use for the trial, she’s so glad she never revealed herself.

Sam is slowly growing on her, she doesn’t love him but he means enough to Dean that she would try to stop him from dying.

She knows about Gadreel. She hides harder now, afraid too of the new angel in the bunker. Castiel she likes, Castiel she watched in purgatory and she watched beat her father bloody in the crypt and she understood brain washing and the control of authorities. She almost reveals herself and her knowledge of Gadreel when Dean kicks Cas out of the bunker, but her hesitation lasts too long.

She’s tethered to Dean so she isn’t there when Kevin dies. Kevin had been another one she enjoyed observing, she envied him his mother in so many ways, Linda had been everything Lydia hadn’t been. When Kevin dies he’s haunting the bunker too. It’s almost like having a friend. He pities her, but she’ll take anything, he’s sort of her age in some ways and she teaches him how to be a ghost.

Crowley almost gives her away. He knows she’s there, but he saves her presence as a bargaining chip against Dean, a surprise tidbit to bring up later.

The father of murder can see her too. Cain keeps his eyes on her father most of the time, but the spark in his eyes and smirk when he sees her and her bloody pink shirt cut straight through her.

Her father dies. She wants to run to him, to fling her arms around him and greet him with her bloody lips and stained shirt and tell him she forgives him and she loves him and she’s sorry he’s dead but can she at least spend some of eternity with him and she wants to teach him to be a ghost and she wants to tell him so many things she’s noticed. But Crowley does something that locks her voice and powers and keeps her from the room.

Demon dean leaves the bunker with Emma’s necklace ripped off and dropped beside a bedstead.

Sam picks up the necklace. Emma hates him touching it but it’s all she can hope that he doesn’t destroy it. She doesn’t know if he recognizes it, but he doesn’t throw it away, and brings it out to show Castiel as evidence for Dean’s absence. Castiel names it as Amazon gold, recognizes it as Dean’s, but does not know it’s origin. Emma has to hear her story from her murderer’s lips. She almost shows herself, but she’s afraid Sam will cast the necklace into a fire. If they could do that to Bobby, they’ll do it to her. But she doesn’t feel like a vengeful uncontrolled spirit, perhaps it’s the Amazon magic, but she feels calmer than she ever was during her days of life.

Her necklace stays in the bunker, she watches demon Dean from a distance at first, she tries to comfort him strapped to the chair but he calls her a hallucination and lets something between a sob and a laugh out before turning away. She tries, she wipes his brow, she begs him to become human again or to die, she tries to keep the devil’s trap intact. Still she is called a hallucination. It’s almost nice to be important enough that he’d hallucinate her.

When Dean, normal human dean, is back, he fixes the necklace with pliers and holds it staring at it in his hands. He’s alone in his room. Emma gently puts her hands over his where they are clasped around her anchor to him. She doesn’t know if he can feel her. Her name comes from his mouth in a breathy whisper, wet and rough, a word unused to being spoken. He bends over himself, weeping with the necklace pressed to his mouth. Emma weeps as well. He would not weep if he did not love her, but he is a hunter and she has to chose between this silent spectatorship where she can pretend she is living in rooms beside him, or the knowledge that if he knew she was haunting him, he would burn the necklace to send her on.

She doesn’t know if there’s another afterlife for failed amazons, and from what she understands of Heaven, hers would be something pathetic like the day she met Dean before she died, or an eternity as a ghost watching him weep.

She hates watching Dean with Amara those few days. She hates the burning wretched envy risking corrupting her as he holds a baby girl that isn’t her. She hates that Amara loves Dean. And she hates even more that Amara brings back Mary instead of her.

She never realized that she wanted to be brought back and resurrected so badly and that it was even an option until she watches Dean reunite with Mary.

Dean mentions her to Mary- almost - he says he had a kid, and the cut off gesture to the necklace means her. Emma stopped minding that Dean never spoke about her. She didn’t want him to talk about her with Sam, and she quickly realized he didn’t talk about his grief with anyone. But he did wear her necklace, and sometimes he took it out from under his shirt and rubbed his thumb over the metal and she would pretend it was his thumb stroking the back of her hand. Dean didn’t talk about her and she didn’t need him to. But now he had, and with his mother. And he implied he had thought about what he would want for her, that he wouldn’t want his life of violence and moving for her.

Emma likes Mary as a warrior woman, but can’t help but understand Dean’s pain when she leaves. She understands being the surprise child older than a parent wants too much.

She tried to help Dean as she always has, but the British Men of Letters terrify her. She knows they would either keep her to study or destroy her and she can’t trust anyone to keep her secret from their spying.

Later it seems the world collapses again. Cas dies. Angels don’t have ghosts, she can never meet him. And Kelly has eyes only for her son until she is reaped. Emma wishes she could comfort Dean or that she could truly leave him to his grief. She turns away as he ties Castiel’s body with yellow curtains. She stands beside him watching the pyre.

She doesn’t understand Dean’s attitude towards Jack. She’s watched jealously how Dean interacts with Krissy, with Claire, with the orphan boys at the home, and she has her fantasy of how Dean would have treated her had she lived. The jealous part of her doesn’t want Dean to like Jack, but most of her wants Dean to go back to acting like how she expected him to, she wants the man she could pretend was being her father. And she watches Jack enough to be afraid of their similarities. To see herself in him. And if Dean hates him, would he have hated her. Does he only wear her necklace because she’s dead.

She watches silently when Dean finally breaks, confronted, and tells Sam that he sees her in Jack. She hears how he loves her. She watches Sam realize the enormity of his crime and apologize. She accepts the apology, even if it wasn’t meant for her ears. Dean doesn’t see her, but she sits beside him on the opposite side of Sam on that floor.

Something has changed.

Sometimes, it seems like Dean is glimpsing her out of the corner of his eye. He stares at the steamy bathroom mirror while he’s shaving, right at the red smear on the pink of her shirt. He nicks himself, swears, and swipes a hand through the steam, through her image. He does double takes in the rear view mirror, glancing twice at the backseat where she sits, pretending she’s part of his road trips.

Jack brings back Castiel. Jack has powers beyond what Emma could have imagined. And Jack is both nice and not fully indoctrinated into hunting ways. Emma also likes Jack, she understands so much about him, and she likes the shows he watches, she likes the way he’s nice, and in her elaborate fantasy of what if she was alive, she decides he’s her brother.

It’s hard to find a time when Jack is alone but near enough to Dean and the anchoring necklace that she can talk to him, but it happens.

Emma focuses everything she has into appearing, a heavy grounding feeling she hasn’t felt since Dean was a chained demon. The words catch in her throat, unpracticed at speaking, but she blurts out to Jack that she’s his sister, the words spilling fast, that she’s Dean’s dead daughter, she doesn’t tell him that Sam killed her, she’s seen Sam with him, their closeness she can’t decide if she envies or not. She tells him she’s an Amazon, how she’s dead but anchored, how she doesn’t have a heaven or purgatory or hell, how she wants to come back. She tells him that she likes his shows and she tells him she loves Dean and Castiel and she finds things she likes about Sam. He doesn’t look at her with pity. He looks at her with a bright spark to his eyes.

But he doesn’t resurrect her. At least not right away. Apparently he’s been too recently warned off from the idea of asking for forgiveness rather than permission. He thinks she should reveal herself to Dean first, before they decide. Emma hates the idea, she spent all of these years afraid of Dean destroying her anchor, and now she’s afraid of his rejection, what if he resents her watching him all the time, what if he blames her for not doing more. What if he wants her gone instead of brought back.

The Amazons,in their scant days of raising her, taught her to be brave.

Jack asks the family to stay after dinner.

Emma takes a deep breath, more for the instinctive motion than for a need for air, and materializes.

There’s a beat of silence and then a mess of noises. Dean drops a mug, Sam’s chair skids, everyone one is talking at once.

Emma can’t find words to say to Dean, she wants to stare at him as she always does, but she can’t bear to see rejection on his face. She waits and Jack opens his mouth to introduce her but then her name comes from Dean’s lips. It’s like that dark night where they wept in his bedroom again. She has called him many variants of father in her mind in several languages, but it is the most childish “daddy” that slips out.

No one else in the room matters, he looks at her, meeting her eyes instead of the gorey wound, and she gets eye contact without having to pretend she is what’s in his sight line.

He doesn’t ask if she’s a ghost or if she’s dead or any of the silly civilian questions. He only manages “how” before fumbling for the necklace, and she nods confirmation. She wonders if he’s planning on burning it.

He asks how long and suddenly words spill forth, she tells him she’s been here the whole time, watching, she says she sorry about Bobby and Kevin and Charlie and Kelly and Cas and Benny she tells him the ones she helped with being a ghost, she tells him about watching the others move on, she says she’s sorry she couldn’t do more when he was a demon and something in his expression breaks, she says she’s sorry she never showed herself.

He holds up a hand, stopping her before she apologizes again, and says he remembers her when he was a demon, that he had thought she was a hallucination, she nods and cries anew.

She wants to tell him that she’s watched him and loves him and even if it’s embarrassing she wants to say she’s pretended to be alive with him, and she wants most of all to ask if he loves her, to hear it said to her face.

Instead he asks weakly why she’s here now.

She says she wanted to come clean about haunting him, says she’s thought about it for years and was scared he would burn the necklace, says she’s learned about ghosts from him and she’s never felt vengeful, she doesn’t feel corrupted, and maybe it’s because she’s a monster. His face twitches at that word.

Jack interrupts, changing the air in the room and suddenly both she and Dean remember their audience. Sam’s eyes are wet and he looks something close to afraid. Emma hopes the look on Castiel’s face is softness for her too and not just Jack.

Jack offers to bring her back, tells Dean that they didn’t want to do it behind his back. Emma turns invisible again out of the sick swoosh of anxiety that overwhelms her. She barely hears through her ringing ears that Dean desperately agrees and says yes, fumbling to take the necklace off and pass it to Jack.

She’s going to have to wait a few days. Jack is going to bring her back where her body is, and that’s more than 24 hours of driving away, and Dean wants to be there.

It’s a weird car ride, they know she’s there, and she sits between Castiel and Jack in the back of the Impala. They had her pick a set of Jack’s clothes to replace her bloody shirt, they have food and water for her. Emma doesn’t have a name for the emotions she’s feeling and they’re almost overwhelming.

They don’t have to dig her up to bring her back, Jack’s powers allow for that at least, and Emma is glad, she’s watched Dean dig up enough graves to imagine what she’ll look like.

Then Jack’s eyes glow bright gold.

It’s like what she imagines being born feels like. Overwhelming and dark and bright and both blissful and painful. And then she is gasping with real lungs and the sunlight is bright in her eyes and she can feel the textures of her clothing and the grass.

And then arms and hands are on her, Dean is pulling her to her feet and into his embrace in one motion.

She’s never been hugged by him, and it’s better than her jealous imaginings when he held others. She never wants to let go, she feels safe and warm and loved and his hand is on her hair and she can smell him and feel his heartbeat.

He finally lets go and steps back to look at her, keeping a hand on her shoulder and cupping her cheek with the other. There are streaks of tears matching her own on his face. His hands leave only to be replaced by Jack.

Jack’s hug is different but enthusiastic, there are no tears, he is beaming, part proud, part delighted, she can’t help but smile back. He calls her sister and she accepts him as brother.

Castiel does not embrace her, but his greeting his warm and his eyes match his smile. He clasps her hand between his and Emma’s heart swells.

She knows Sam doesn’t know how to look at her or how to talk to her. She doesn’t know what she wants from him either. She knows hes sorry, she’s heard it from his own lips, not to her, but to the only other person to whom it would matter. She smiles hesitantly at him, instead of glaring, and waves.

Then she slips her hand back into Dean’s and lets him pull her into another hug. She feels light and giddy and afraid this is all a dream. If she died and this is heaven then she would accept that too.

But it’s real, she changes out of her bloody shirt and into a blue one of Jack’s, she drinks water for the first time in years and eats fruit snacks from a packet pulled from Castiel’s trench-coat pocket, and a cereal bar.

A few hours later they stop at a nicer diner than Emma usually sees them eat at, and Dean tells the hostess it’s his daughter’s birthday and Emma gets to order foods she’s been curiously watching people eat for years off the menu. The restaurant gives her cake.

Emma’s cheeks hurt from smiling, and Dean’s eyes have not lost their cheerful crinkle and Jack is beaming and even Sam and Castiel look endlessly pleased.

Later there will be harder talks, about the things she’s witnessed, later she’ll talk about haunting their steps, about the years of questions built up, later she’ll realize she doesn’t remember how to sleep and Dean will sit and try to stroke her hair and talk softly and it’s nice but not enough. Later it will be Castiel who explains how to become human, how to adjust to having a body, how to sleep and how to tell if you like a food or not. Later she will argue with Dean about her usefulness on hunts and he will tell her how scared he is of her dying again. Later Mary will come back and die. Later Jack will die and a demon will wear his corpse and she will hate and fear it, later God will tell her she is an interloper in his story.

But for now Emma has a family and a piece of cake and a table of smiles.

[sweet-sammy-kisses]

Fallen Bird

Make the World Bleed Chapter 1: Fallen Bird Fandom: DC Comics/Red Robin/Batman/Young Justice Pairings/Characters: Conner/Tim/Jason, Bruce/Clark/Diana, Core Four, Cassandra & Tim, Dick & Tim, Dick & Damian, Bruce & Tim, Tim & his Assassin Trio Summary: The Core Four have a bond that will never break, will never fade. When one of their own is hurt by someone who should be family to them the other three respond in force. When Tim's line is cut and he is seriously injured Conner, Bart and Cassie are ready to declare war against anyone who stands in their way of helping Tim, even if that means making a devil with the Devil himself, Ra's Al Ghul.  Author Notes: Written for the @badthingshappenbingo my prompt: falling from great heights. I love stories that deal with Damian cutting Tim’s grappling line and the fallout and aftermath that and my love of the Core Four turning into their dark selves this because one of their own is injured by someone is supposed to be family.  You can also read it on AO3

There were few things Tim Drake loved more than flying through the Gotham night sky as Robin and even though he was no longer Robin, something that still left a deep ache he refused to let the loss of Robin take away his wings and he was finally finding his place soaring as Red Robin.

Gotham was once a place that Tim called home. Once he thought he had found a family but the feeling of home and family were nothing but seemed in the distant past.

No longer could he call Wayne Manor or the Penthouse home. Nor could he call the other Bat's family.

He had realized that the hard way that he no longer belonged or he had never really been a part of the Wayne family.

Tim could feel himself on the edge there was only so much more he could take from Damian, only his team, Cassandra and surprisingly Helena saw how much the abuse was getting to him and the fact that he was just to turn the other cheek was slowly breaking him.

None of them could understand why the adults in Damian's life never once thought to take him aside and explain why he can't treat Tim the way he does. Not one of them set bounders for him. They reprimanded Tim because as the older of the two he should know better. And it was getting to the point that even Raven and Gar, who Tim didn't want them to get involved due to their strong bond with Dick, were reaching their breaking point. Several times they had to stop Raven from tossing the Bat-family into a hell dimension in their underwear.

Helena, Conner and Bart had been all for that idea and it was only because Tim begged her not to did Raven back down.

"If they keep placing the blame on you for Damian's actions I will do it," Raven warned, her normally warm eyes blazing with rage. Raven's vow whispered through Tim's mind.

No, shoving those thoughts to the back of his head Tim lost himself in something he loved.

Tim loved flying between the buildings it was one of his favourite things as a hero. His grapple line gave him a sense of freedom.

Freedom from the tension in the cave.

Freedom from the feeling that he didn't belong in the cave.

Freedom that he had lost a second family.

Then he heard it, something that shouldn't be happening not with a Bat-approved grapple the snapping of his line.  

Tim only had seconds to hear the snap before he was falling. "Conner!" He knew that he could count on him, his best friend who kept his promise that he would always be listening to his heartbeat.

But deep in his heart, he knew that it was going to be too late. 'Please Conner don't blame yourself.' Tim pleaded before darkness claimed him.

The pure terror in Tim's voice will haunt Conner 'Kon' Kent for the rest of his days as will his guilt for being a second too late in catching Tim. Looking at the broken boy of his best friend Conner felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest.

Pressing his comm to the rest of the Titans, "Guys you need to get to Gotham." Conner didn't care that his voice wobbled there was no way that he could stay strong or even pretend that everything was alright, nothing would be alright after this.

"Dude, what is wrong Conner? You are scaring me here." Bart's worried voice came over the line. It wasn't often that Conner would suggest that they break Batman's no meta in Gotham's rule. There was only one reason he would do so.

Bart's worse fears were confirmed when Conner whispered, "It's Tim, he's hurt badly."

Only the movement of his hair alerted Conner to Bart's arrival.

"Oh god." Bart felt like he was going to be sick at the sight he arrived at, he and the others had always been protective over Tim as he was the only human on their team but the one time he truly needed them and they failed him.

"I'm going to kill whoever did this." Bart snarled out, Tim was family and he would do everything in his power to keep those he loves safe.

"First we need to get Tim's help." Whoever did this will pay but getting Tim's aid comes first.

+******+

It was no secret among the Bat-family that there was a rivalry between the two youngest sons Timothy Drake-Wayne and Damian Wayne.

Richard "Dick" Grayson had hoped that they would grow out of it, he couldn't understand why Tim couldn't see that as being Damian's older brother he was to not let Damian's words get to him. Damian had come from the League of Assassins and his abusive upbringing was all he knew. Of course, he was going to lash out and Tim to Damian was an easy target.

Tonight Tim had let Damian get to him once again and stormed out of the cave, Dick only hoped that when he returned he was willing to apologize to Damian.

Jason Todd was fighting the urge to slam some heads together and at the top of his list is Dickie and the smug brat Damian. He had heard from Cass and Helena that things were pretty bad when it came to Tim and Damian and how Damian was allowed to get away with everything while Tim took the blame.

Yeah, he had tried to kill the kid, something that Jason hasn't forgiven himself for. He had allowed Talia to twist him up and he took it out on the one person who didn't deserve his rage. Tim might have forgiven him but he did and Dick sure as hell didn't. So he couldn't understand why Dick was allowing the demon brat to emotionally, verbally and physically abuse Tim and stay silent when he saw it first hand or got angry when Tim defended himself.

'For someone who claims to love family, he sure has proven that he can only love one brother at a time.' Jason felt for Tim. He was trying to be there for Tim but it was a work in progress.

It just baffled him and pissed him off that Bruce, Dick, Alfred, Stephanie and Barbara never once questioned why they allowed Damian to get away with treating Tim like he was trash. Why they never spoke up when Damian time after time told Tim that he wasn't wanted, that he wasn't part of the family. Why Damian sought to kill Tim and only Tim. Jason just hoped that they would wake up before it was too late.

It turned out it was too late.

For all of his skills, Damian found he couldn't move as the speedster kept him pinned to the wall, one hand wrapped around his throat the other vibrating right above his heart, "One wrong move and I vibrate my hand through your chest and into your heart." Bart Allen hissed, his happy-go-lucky personality replaced by a hardened man with no mercy left.

Damian refused to show any fear for that was a sign of weakness and he was anything but weak.

No help was coming as Cassie Sandsmark had Stephanie wrapped up in her lasso, she looked every inch of the Amazonian warrior she is.

Richard had his hands full with an enraged Superboy who was out for pure blood and Raven along with Huntress were keeping his father and Todd busy.

'I always knew that she was not to be trusted.' Damian thought bitterly at the betrayal from someone that was supposed to be one of their own. "I have no idea what you want but I suggest that you let me go and vacate the cave as well as Gotham and I might not seek revenge."

Bart's eyes burned with untamed rage, "Of course you would threaten violence for all the claims that you have changed you still fall back on old habits and isn't hurting Tim tonight enough for you? Or do you wish to stain your hands with blood some more?" Bart hissed at him.

Dick who was close enough to hear was confused, "What happened to Timmy?"

"Don't act like you don't know! You let this happen!" Conner snarled as he felt his eyes heating up and oh how he wanted nothing more than to unleash his heat beam on those who had harmed his Tim.

"Conner, I need you to calm down. I'm sure that Damian didn't mean for this to happen." Dick pleaded he needed to make Conner as well as himself believe that was true that Damian hadn't meant to hurt Tim. "I'm sure if we could talk to Tim we can clear this all up."

"Lies!" Conner hissed out, "This isn't the first time that little demon has tried to kill Tim and because he was never told by you Bruce or Alfred that killing Tim was wrong he found it acceptable and kept trying and now he has succeeded in seriously harming Tim. You are to blame as much as he is because you never took the time to explain that Tim is very much as a family as he is and Tim has the right to feel safe in his own home! Tim is fighting for his life right now because none of you had the balls to tell that demon spawn that killing is wrong!"

Damian froze a flicker of fear as Conner's words vibrated around the cave and all moment stopped.

Dick was sure that for a second his heart had stopped beating, "What do you mean?"

"I mean that Tim screamed my name as he fell knowing that I would always be listening for him if he needed me. I found my best friend's broken body laying on the ground. Bart found the cut zip line and Helena got Vic to look at the footage and what he found proved all of our fears Damian cut Tim's line, he fell because of him!"

Cassandra Cain was torn, she loved her family but Tim, Tim was special he was her little brother, her little bird, the one who never gave up on her and the first one to trust her.

"Hurt brother. Cannot forgive. Cannot trust. " It hurt Cass to say those words but she knew deep in her heart it was true.

Nodding his head Jason crossed his arms over his chest, "I agree with princess here. I knew this family was messed up but hell letting me then the demon spawn tries and kill replacement without consciences is a new low. At least I did my best to make amends with Timmy, and for some reason, he found it in his heart to forgive me."

"You were his big brother, the first one to believe in him and you turned your back on him." It was Helena's words that cut Dick to the core.

"Don't bother looking for Tim, he is somewhere safe and you will never see him again," Conner growled. Bart and Cassie stood united with him. They had once seen a future where they turned dark, where they crossed lines and for Tim, they were willing to do that now.

If it meant taking on Batman, his family and the whole Justice League they would do so in a heartbeat to keep Tim safe.

[hallospaceboyy]

Hi, could you write a sad oneshot about Zelda and the reader? One where they fight hard, break up and make up? Heartbreak with happy ending please. I love sad and happy story Thank you.

Angry Words

TW for mentions of self harm and weight loss. Very brief but still present.

(THANK YOU so much for being the very first to request from me! You have no idea how happy you've made me, and I hope you like it x)

“Well maybe if you weren’t such a fucking ice queen things would be going better between us!” You yelled, your face red with rage, and angry tears were welling up in your eyes. A look of palpable hurt flitted in Zelda's eyes for a split second, before they hardened, and her lips set in a grim line.

“Get out.” Framed pictures on the walls began to shake, and you heard, felt one fall behind you, a sudden tension filling the air that made you feel sick. The whole house felt as if it were shaking in its foundations, and you knew that Zelda was angry. Very angry.

“You treat me like your dirty little secret, Zelda. I can’t do it anymore!” Tears slid down your cheeks freely now, blurring your vision.

“I said out. Get out of my sight before I do something I will regret.” The threat hung heavy in the air, Zelda's voice was dangerously calm despite the house still shaking around you, a vase on a side table began to shudder, teetering as if about to fall. You gave a dismal nod in the general direction of the blur that once was Zelda, your tears impairing your vision almost entirely now. Your turned on your heel, and left, closing the door softly behind you. All the fight in you had dissipated, and you felt that any moment now your heart would shatter.

You had only asked Zelda where this relationship was going. You were smitten with the witch, but you couldn’t help but notice that Zelda was holding back. She was somewhat affectionate behind closed doors, could be gentle, and even something akin to loving, when it was just the two of you. But if you tried to so much as steal a simple touch in the presence of others, she stiffened, gave you a warning look that made you immediately shrink back, trying to ignore the hurt in your chest at her coldness.

As you walked home, thunder ripped overhead, a storm analogous to the temper Zelda had unleashed on you, and rain began to beat down in harsh lashes, the rain mingling with your tears on your cheeks. You were overwhelmed by thoughts of all the times that Zelda had hurt you, dismissed you as if you were nothing, and as you reached home, crawling into bed fully clothed, you couldn’t rid yourself of the helplessness you felt; the irrepressible feeling that you had just thrown something away that you could never replace.

*

Weeks went by, with not a word from Zelda, and you went about your life with a hollowness, a palpable emptiness that you could not fill no matter how hard you tried. You willed yourself to heal, knew that you couldn’t – didn’t have the strength. In moments when the hollow feeling overwhelmed you, you would clench your fists, hard, leaving deep red crescents in your palms, a sign of your desperation to feel something again. Anything. The Spellmans did try to reach out to you; received many missed calls and voicemails from Hilda, texts from Sabrina and Ambrose. They had noticed your sudden absence from their lives, knew that something had happened, shared a deep concern for you that they couldn’t help but notice Zelda tried to ignore. Any mention of you in the presence of the redhead turned her to steel, and she dismissed them coolly, refusing to confirm nor deny her part in your sudden nonexistence.

It was Hilda, finally losing her patience with her sister, which she rarely did for fear of the cain pit, that led Zelda to finally realise she had to make amends with you, had to at least try and reach out. She had no idea if you were even alive, had heard Sabrina and Ambrose whispering that you never answered them, that they had not even so much as seen you wandering around Greendale as you so often did, perusing the book shops.

“Zelda, I don’t know what you’ve bloody done to that poor girl, but she doesn’t deserve it, whatever you did!” The blonde exploded, a teary rage in her eyes that even made Zelda recoil, eyes widening in shock. “She thought the world of you, you know. Had this constant starry admiration in her eyes when you were around, that, Lilith forbid, I do wonder if you deserve sometimes!” Hilda was pointing a cake batter covered spoon at Zelda, almost threateningly, and Zelda at least had the good grace to look ashamed, lowered her eyes and clenched her teeth in an attempt to quench the sudden onslaught of tears. “You need to fix this, Zelds. Y/N has been through enough. I know what it’s like being on the receiving end of your wrath, and its not pleasant. If that's why she’s staying away, she will continue to stay away. Your temper has never been something to take lightly.”

Zelda flushed red, rose from her seat at the kitchen table, and swallowing thickly she finally met Hilda's still furious gaze with watery eyes. “You’re right Hildie. I was positively awful to her.” The witch deflated for a second, all the anger she had kept pent up, fuelled by thoughts of your heated argument suddenly leaving her. Zelda straightened her shoulders, sucking in a deep breath and straightening her leopard print blouse, ironed out the creases in her tight black pencil skirt. “I’m going to make it right, Hilda. I’m going to bring her home,” and with that, she turned and with deliberate strides, left the mortuary, a sudden urgency overwhelming her.

*

You curled up tighter on the sofa and groaned when there was an urgent knock on your door, willing whoever dared bother you to go away. You were in no mood to receive guests, had rarely seen anyone since your fight with Zelda, unless absolutely necessary. The knock came again, louder and more desperate, and you flung back the blanket you had been hiding under and stormed to the door, swinging it open. Your legs almost failed you as you saw Zelda standing there, and you thought you could decipher guilt in her blue-green eyes as she observed you, saw the dark bags under your eyes that almost resembled bruises, saw that you looked so thin, and fragile that she thought you might break at any moment, just simply snap in two. You gripped the door, desperately willing yourself not to break down, willing yourself not to fall to the floor in a crumpled heap as you regarded the witch standing in your doorway, all of the hurt and confusion she had caused hitting you in waves, drowning you.

“Y/N...” Zelda took a step forward, as if about to wrap you in a hug, but hesitated, and you could almost feel the angst radiating from her, and you wished that you could be strong enough to take a grim satisfaction in knowing that she had been hurting too, a satisfaction that you really had meant something to her, but you couldn’t, because no matter how badly this woman had hurt you, you loved her too deeply to wish the same pain on her that she had bestowed upon you. Without a second thought, you collapsed into her arms, and she held you, so tight, and went down with you when your knees finally did give up – leaving you both sat in in a heap on the floor in the threshold of your apartment. You remained tangled together there for what felt like an age, Zelda holding you as you sobbed into her chest, and you felt the relief of finally letting go, the relief of finally feeling something in the abyss of nothing that had been suffocating you for weeks. Zelda cried with you, stroking your hair, her tears making your hair as damp as you were making her blouse, but neither of you cared.

When you both finally calmed, both of you remained clinging to the other as you stood, both unsteady on your legs. You took Zelda's hand in your own clammy palm, and pulled her into your apartment, closing the door behind you. You grabbed a box of tissues, and you both settled on the sofa, dabbing at your faces and both giggling slightly, suddenly embarrassed at the dramatics of it all. The air grew serious again and Zelda took both of your hands in hers, glancing down as her thumbs stroked over the deep marks left there, some healed, some fresh, and gently brought both of your hands to her face, kissing your palms with such soft affection that you began to tremble.

“I’m so sorry for hurting you,” Zelda whispered, letting go of your hands, but you immediately grabbed for hers again, resting them in her lap, fingers entwined. “I really do care for you, so deeply, Y/N, and it frightens me. But I should never have treated you as I did. Should never have pushed you away.”

“And I’m sorry for calling you an ice queen. That may have been uncalled for,” You replied, your own voice quiet, a wave of shame washing over you at the sudden need you felt in that moment to hurt her, lashing at her with your words.

“I don’t think it was. I can be a bit icy.” Zelda chuckled, squeezing your hands lightly, and then brought a hand up to cup your flushed cheek. “I would very much like to try again, Y/N... and I’d very much like to do it properly this time. Treat you as you deserve...” She hesitated and searched your eyes, still red and blood shot. “Love you as you deserve. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Zeldie. So much.” You leaned into her, closing your eyes, losing yourself in her warmth, and her earthy, floral scent. Zelda kissed you then, somehow both soft and urgent all at once, and you clutched at her, needing to feel her against you, crawling into her lap and tangling your fingers in perfectly curled auburn locks. Your mouth opened and her tongue caressed yours, and you felt light headed, overwhelmed by Zelda's very essence, and by the surge of love for her you were feeling in this moment.

She broke apart from you, holding you tighter about the waist as you whined, terrified that she was about to let you go, needing her, like an anchor, to still you. She chuckled softly, kissed your cheek with her moist lips, lips that were tinged a deep red when she arrived but had now paled, rubbed away by your needy kisses.

“Let's go home. Please?” Zelda gave you a questioning look, a pleading in her eyes, as if you could possibly say no to her now. “I’m not the only one who’s missed you. I think even Salem has been pining.” You grinned, nuzzling into her neck.

“Take me home, Zelda.”

[bestworstcase]

What do you think is the hardest thing when writing relationships? (Romantic, platonic, antagonistic, etc) What tips do you have when it comes to writing relationships and how to accomplish making them complex, relatable, and realistic?

hmm so this is both something i struggle with as a writer and an issue that i notice in a lot of fiction that i read/watch myself (both fic and published works) but - there’s a temptation or tendency to sort of… lose the individuality of one or both character involved in the relationship.

to borrow an example from tts itself: consider frederic and arianna in s1. frederic is afforded a great deal of development as an individual, with focus given to his personal trauma, his individual failings, and his complicated feelings vis a vis rapunzel… and arianna is just, like. His Wife. she’s just there, being married to him and dispensing life advice to rapunzel. this results in their relationship feeling shallow and vague, and imo contributes to the fandom trend of posing arianna as a victim of abuse from fred and/or just making her a fandom mouthpiece… because there’s only a few crumbs to work with, right? (but then even in fics that do this there’s still generally not like… significant explanation of how this influences the dynamic between arianna and frederic, from moment to moment or day to day. like if ari hates fred’s leadership, i want to see what she’s been doing about it for all these years, you know? and how fred reacted to that and how she reacted in turn etc)

whereas with, say, cassandra and rapunzel in s1-s2, their friendship is so grounded in and fraught with their individual concerns; they’re both fully realized characters and they continue to be that way in the context of their friendship. both of them have hopes, thoughts, goals, opinions, LIVES outside of each other, and these things don’t only exist in order to generate interpersonal conflict between them. does that make sense?

basically - the goal is for the relationship to come from the natural interaction of the characters, rather than the characters being defined by the relationship, and that can be difficult to achieve. especially in a romance, if you’re very invested in the ship.

like for example - the first scene of chapter 4 of moonless air was SO tough to get right and about half of the drafts i had of it flat out didn’t work because i kept writing cass and caine communicating *too well.* a key pillar of their relationship is that caine CAN communicate clearly and is good at reading between lines, whereas cass WANTS to communicate, but often can’t articulate what she feels or thinks. so they fit well together, because caine is skilled at interpreting cassandra’s real meaning and responding to that rather than her often muddled words.

so writing from that point of view, the argument should’ve gone more like: moira sees cass getting upset because moira “didn’t tell her” about the separatist thing, identifies correctly that cass is actually upset because she figured it out and assumed it was supposed to be secret, so she feels like moira doesn’t trust her… and then moira goes “oh, shit, no, i really thought you knew and just didn’t want to talk about it” and that deescalates the conflict bc she can demonstrate that it was just this dumb misunderstanding and she truly does trust cass. but then the rest of the argument becomes just about rapunzel and that doesn’t ring true…

…because moira, as an individual, has her own set of problems at this point and is in her feelings and stressing out and that inhibits her ability to read cassandra. her thoughts are going a mile a minute chasing contingencies and risk assessments about this talking to the baron plan and she is so not prepared for cass to walk in having a crisis of insecurity… so moira completely misses cassandra’s subtext and brushes her off in what she thinks is a teasing way about something that is, taken at face value, ridiculous—and is then blindsided and hurt when cass flips out and starts making accusations and talking about rapunzel because WHAT??

and at the same time cassandra is tunnel visioning on her own problems because she feels stuff so intensely and because in her head moira is this stoic, strong, largely unflappable person who in contrast to cass seems totally in command of her feelings, so she tends to take everything moira says at face value; if moira is condescending and dismissive it must be because moira actually holds cass in disdain and not because moira has a million other, more pressing things on her mind that aren’t this minor thing cass is using as a proxy for asking if moira trusts her or not.

so like, approaching this from the perspective of the characters as individuals, their key strength as a pair actually becomes an obvious weakness in this situation—they’re accustomed by now to communicating effectively with each other and when that breaks down due to individual concerns they *both* escalate the situation and end up hurting each other’s feelings pretty badly.

i’m rambling but i hope that makes sense kjkfkcksb i guess just, making sure that characters individual problems, flaws, concerns etc don’t get subsumed under the typical dynamic of the relationship: people are individuals first and friends, partners, or rivals second.

[mystoriesmylives]

Bluebirds-Cain

Triggers for suicide mentions.

Cain thinks he’s a good father or an adequate father at least.

He remembers when Collette got pregnant, how happy she was. Cain was nervous and told Collette he didn’t think he will be a good enough father. When he told Collette his fears, she comforted him, saying they will do it by the best of their ability. The months passed with them preparing a nursery and discussing baby names. When they found out it was a boy, the decided on Castiel, after the angel for Thursday. They were joyous in those months.

But when Collette was eight months pregnant, her water suddenly broke and she started to bleed. He quickly brought her to the hospital and the doctors then said they need to operate. Four and half hours later, the doctor came out and said Collette died and his son was premature. His mind was fuzzy; all he heard was “hemorrhaging” and “high blood pressure” and that there is a chance his son won’t make it. He remembers walking to the nursery and seeing his newborn connected to tubes and in his incubator. After weeks of making sure his son will live, he finally took him home.

He remembers back to those years with fondness and melancholy. He remembers five A.M. feeding and diaper changing, while also trying to work through his grief with losing Collette. He remembers moving nearer to the woods, which helped more with his beekeeping business. He remembers with fondness a toddler Castiel trailing after him, wearing nothing but his small overalls, looking at fascination at the bees. He remembers how nervous he was when Castiel started kindergarten, who was just happy over his bee backpack. How relived he was when Castiel came back home, happily babbling over his new friend, Dean Winchester.

Cain watched the boys grow up together, both attending elementary and high school together. How they defended each other from bully’s to pranks to dances. Cain became friends with the Winchester; he liked Mary and Sam, but he always felt at odds with John. He felt like John was threatened by him somehow; that he was trying to prove that he was “manlier” then him or something. It always made Cain roll his eyes in annoyance. But Dean and Sam were always welcomed in his home. He wondered if he was seeing things when he noticed how close Dean and Castiel were becoming.

When Castiel was 15, he walked into their living room, looking nervous as he stared at him. Cain was concerned to say the least.

“Castiel, is something the matter?” Cain asked. He always called his son by his full name; he could never call him Cas.

“Um, Dad, I need to tell you something. It’s important.”

Cain watched patiently as Castiel paced around the room. He then fully faced him with a determined look on his face.

“Dad, I’m gay.” Castiel blurted out.

Cain just blinked at the outburst and said,

“Ok?”

Castiel blinked back at him and frowned.

“You’re not bothered by it?”

“No, Castiel, I’m not. You are my son and I do not care for you preferences, I still love you all the same.”

He watched as Castiel stares at him blankly and then burst into tears. Cain quietly got up, frantic at his son’s tears.

“Castiel, what is the matter?” Cain asked anxiously.

“I-I thought the worst. Thought you will kick me out or-or…”

Cain couldn’t help but feel slightly hurt. He never showed any type of homophobia or any type of bigotry; he never believed in any of that nonsense. But Castiel must have felt it could still happen, like so many others who were in the same position.

Castiel then hugged Cain, sniffling as he hugged him tight.

“Thank you, thank you.” He sniffed as he looked at his father, “I just feel…so lucky.”

Cain smiled at that and then pulled back to look at his son.

“Castiel, I want you to know that whatever happens, you will always be my son and I will always love you.”

After that talk, Castiel was more open with Cain. When he turned 16, he told his father that he was going out with Dean (which he totally saw coming) and that he was upset that Dean didn’t want to make their relationship public, like he was ashamed. Cain assured Castiel that Dean was probably not ready, though he had a feeling that John has something to do with it. One Friday night, Castiel sat across him, looking anxiously at his phone.

“Is something the matter, Castiel?”

“It’s just…Dean said he was coming out to his family this week and he still hasn’t called me.”

“I’m sure he will call when he can.”

Castiel nodded as he got up and walked to the kitchen. Cain heard Castiel’s phone beep and smiled, hoping that will ease Castiel’s anxiety. He then heard a gasp and Castiel feet rushing to the door. Cain stood up and ran after him, wondering what caused Castiel distress.

“Castiel, what’s wrong?” he said they got to his jeep, and grabbing one of his arms.

“Dean…he sent me a text.” Castiel said frantically, “He said he loved me and goodbye. He was saying goodbye to me, dad. Why would he say that?!”

Cain himself felt panic as he and Castiel got into the jeep and drove fast to the Winchester home. Cain felt his heart plummet when he saw the sirens and flashing lights. He barely parked the car when Castiel ran out and towards the ambulance. He got out himself and watched as Castiel spoke to Sam, frantically speaking to each other. When Cain got to the boys, he saw Castiel’s face was white as a sheet.

“Castiel , what happened?” he asked, frightened by his son’s reaction.

“D-Dean tried to hang himself.” Castiel whispered. “He tried to kill himself.”

Castiel then fainted into his father’s arms.

Cain paced in the waiting room, then stopped to look at his son. Castiel looked so despondent, like his entire world just collapsed.

They both found out that Dean came out to his family, and it didn’t go well…at all. John roared at him and then said he was going to a straight camp or he will be kicked out. Mary agreed with John, which surprised Cain since she usually is so open-minded. John was conspicuously missing. He glanced at Castiel again and was again struck by how terrible Castiel looked. He sat next to him and started to rub his back, making him look up at him with teary eyes.

“This is all my fault.” He said.

“No, it’s not Castiel.”

“But if I didn’t pressure him…” he sobbed, “If I didn’t keep telling him…”

“Castiel, what Dean did was of his own accord, you had nothing to do with Dean’s choice.”

Castiel broke into sobs and all Cain could do was hug his son together. He then saw Sam and Mary walk in, looking like Death walked over them. Mary looked distraught while Sam spoke up.

“They said he sprained his neck badly and that he is very lucky.” Sam said in a quiet voice. Mary walked over to a nearby window and Cain followed her. The two adults stood near the window, until Mary broke it.

“Are you here t rub it in?” Mary snarled, “Tell me how I’m such a bad mother?”

“Mary…”

“Don’t you think I know that already?! Don’t you think I already know I failed?!” Mary sobbed as Cain rubbed her back. He then sighed and looked at the Winchester mother.

“Mary, I don’t understand. Sending Dean to a straight camp? Don’t you know that could destroy him.”

“It-it was an empty threat. I thought it could straighten him out, to pull him from this phase. Maybe it could fi-”

“If you say fix, so help me God…”

“Don’t you know what happens to gays?” Mary shrieked, “I don’t want my son to be like that and it is just a phase. He will get over it.”

“It’s not a phase, Mary. Something this big is not a phase. How could you do something like this?”

“Don’t judge me, Cain! You don’t know how it is, your son isn’t gay!”

“Actually he is.”

That stopped Mary in her tracks.

“What?”

“Castiel is gay and he and Dean have been a couple for almost a year.” He said, folding his arms, “You had no idea, did you?”

Mary’s blank stare have his answer to him and he sighed, rubbing his temples. Sam then walked into the room, staring at his mother with blazing, tearing eyes.

“I knew.” Sam said, “I knew and I didn’t care. I still loved Dean. I didn’t care. Why didn’t you love him?”

“Sam-”

“Why didn’t you love him, Mom?”

Sam then walked away, leaving a sadden Cain and a devastated Mary.

The next few hours pass with the same somber tone and all Cain could do is observe.  H watched as Castiel and Dean friends walked in, all shocked and scared. Mary looked at some of the friends in confusion, which made Cain think she really knew nothing about her sons’ life. John was still missing, which just pissed him off. Dean woke up, but refused to see anyone; he was on suicide watch which seemed to unnerve Cain and Castiel. Cain finally forced the kids to go to the cafeteria to eat and get some fresh air.

He suddenly heard loud voices and looked down the hall to see John and Mary arguing in the hallway. He tried to tune it out until he heard a snippet of Mary’s voice.

“You weren’t there, John. You weren’t the one who walked in on him! You weren’t the one who had to cut him down!”

Cain’s eyes widened and he leaned against the wall with a sigh. So Mary was the one who found Dean; he wondered if that why she was snappish earlier. He then thinks of how the Winchesters will ever recover from this.

An hour has passed and Dean would only allow Castiel to see him. It has been 15 minutes since his son went in and Cain expected Castiel to run out screaming or something. He couldn’t help, but take a peek into the rom. He saw the two boys; Castiel standing up with a tense face and Dean on the bed, wearing a neck brace and also with a tense face. Then Castiel finally spoke up.

“Why Dean? Why did you do it?” Castiel choked out, “God, Dean, is it because of me? Because I pressured you? Because I wanted you to…”

“No, Cas, no.” Dean rasped.

“God, Dean. You are such selfish twat! Didn’t you think about the people who cared for you? Didn’t you think how I will feel? Didn’t you think I would have just followed you?!”

At that moment, Cain left, unable to hear anymore. He can’t imagine losing Castiel, not only was he his whole world, he was also his last tie to Collette. He stumbled away, trying to will that image away. He then saw John leaning against the wall and he felt his anger reared its ugly head.

“Why are you here?” he snarled, getting Johns attention, “I thought you will be halfway into a bottle by now.”

John looked like he was about to retort, but Cain beat him to it.

“You know, John, I took a lot of your shit over the years, but this is it. I watched you put Dean down for year, making him feel like he was nothing. Well, here is the result of your work.” He snarled, his hand waving to Dean’s room “You hurt him, and it hurt my Castiel.”

Cain took a deep breath and glared John.

“Dean will be living with me from now on. I think it will be better to be with a loved one.”

With that, Cain turned around and left without a word.

The last 6months were one of the most emotional and turbulent for Cain.

Dean for certain moved in with him, along with Sam, who absolutely refused to leave his brother’s side. He watched as Dean and Castiel talked in his garden constantly; the majority of them ending in tears and embraces. Their friends came by constantly; though at first they walked on eggshells around him. But they then gave the support and care he needed. Cain also knew they were having a hard time at school, but Castiel didn’t come to him with any complaints.

Cain watched as Dean slowly opened up and became a more independent and happy young man. He offered to pay for his stay, but Cain wouldn’t hear of it. He also watched as Dean went to therapy as he let out that he wanted dot go to college and become a teacher. Cain couldn’t help but feel somber that Dean only bloomed when he was away for John’s poisonous words.

It took Mary awhile to come around. Cain realized that it wasn’t because she was homophobic, but only that she was surprised she didn’t know a lot about her son and that she was just blindsided by his coming out. She didn’t visit her sons for weeks because she was ashamed of herself and her sense of failure for her sons. She finally came a month afterwards, Dean and her talking for about an hour, which resulted in Dean and Sam moving back in two weeks.

John left for parts unknowns, which Cain didn’t give a damn about.

He didn’t think John would come back, but then he came unannounced to a barbeque at Dean’s home. Everyone was frozen; Castiel stood near Dean as though he was going to throw himself in front of him. Cain himself was going to throw him out, but John spoke up.

“Um…Dean, could I talk to you in private…please?” John said, looking at Dean’s neck, more specifically, the scar from the noose. Castiel was about to say something, but Dean held a hand up.

“Fine, let’s go over here.” Dean said as they walked to an empty corner. Cain watched as John seemed to talk frantically, while Dean stoically listened. Then Dean seemed to say something and then John nodded. John left the backyard and nodded at Cain before he left. Cain looked back at Dean, who was being comforted by Castiel, wrapped in an intimate embrace.

Cain looked up and said a silent prayer for him and the boys, praying for Collette to watch over them.

AN: Here is a fic that gave me so much grief, but I’m so glad to get it done. This is actually going to be a three part series, with Mary and John’s point of view.

I was inspired from a tumblr self-help post, where it talks about suicide and what will happen if the person who finds them. So, this was born.

I could just see Cain as Castiels father, its such an adorable idea.

Comments are loved! I don’t own SPN!

[neotericbitch]

this was a start of something that then got derailed and i abruptly stopped. but what a waste of words if i don’t share it, you know??

There’s peace to be found in Valkyrie Cain’s house. It’s not immediately obvious, it doesn’t jump out at you, nor does it leave a trail behind to be followed. There’s no map to it, one just...finds it. They carve it out for themselves, or it comes to them. There’s the definite impression that the house doesn’t hand out its peace to just anyone who walks these halls; the peace is earned, and that’s what makes it special, makes it an extra peaceful sort of peace, the peacefullest peace, and now the word peace feels weird so Omen sits for a second thinking of a substitute.

Calm. Yes, it’s calm here, and he appreciates it all the more these days.

Omen sits up straight and cranes his neck from side to side, links his fingers together and stretches his arms up high above his head. Something in his left shoulder cracks and he has a moment of mild panic, and he reaches behind his back and pats for injuries, feeling nothing but his own hand inelegantly pawing around. Omen places his hands on his knees and looks down at the coffee table in front of him.

It’s more paper than table, really; nothing more than the vague idea of a structure, something holding all this mess up off the ground. The surface is completely covered by an array of spread-out old newspapers, held down to the edges with some strips of clear tape. There are two chopping boards over here on Omen’s side of the table, one wooden and one acrylic, the latter serving as the designated space for putting his failed scraps of paper, the former he uses as a base for his homework – because of course he forgot his own board back at Corrival, like an idiot.

No, Omen, not like an idiot, he tells himself. Like a forgetful teenager, which he is allowed to be. Yes.

Although Omen doesn’t know anything about paper quality, he thinks this cardstock is pretty alright – much better than the printer paper that occupies the other side of the coffee table, at least. The card puts up a good fight against his carving knife, which needs to be sharpened and more resembles an implement for spreading butter at the present time, but Omen thinks this is good for the time being. All his cuts are slowly and carefully made, kind of janky where the blade gets caught but probably better than what he’d manage with fast slashes. Those can get...pretty bad.

Another positive thing about his crappy carving knife is that he feels better using it around Alice than he would a sharp one. Not that he’d ever leave it where she could get it, not that he’d ever let her have a close look, not that he’d ever not practise expert knife safety – but, y’know. One of those things.

He jabbed his index finger about forty-five minutes ago and was so relieved when there wasn’t any blood.

As he hunkers over to get back into it, it’s Alice’s turn to straighten up. She puts down the colouring pencils she’s been dual-wielding and shuffles over to the couch – she’s been sitting on the floor, leaving an iPad of indeterminate owner to sit next to Omen, which Alice takes now and fiddles with until the Frozen 2 soundtrack stops playing. There’s the metal tinkling of a dog collar as Xena lifts her head, looking to see what Alice is doing from where she’s laid herself halfway underneath the table. Early Taylor Swift starts playing and Alice returns to her space at the table. 

Xena settles and lets out a big sigh, not her first one for the day, and Omen again wonders for how long could dogs do that and how had he not known, why had no one told him, and what does it mean? Do dogs sigh for the same reasons as people?

He puts this piece of card over on the failure board and gets another, swapping his knife back for a pencil. It’s a yellow one from Alice’s collection that she’s allowed him to borrow, citing it as being too bright, and he uses it now to draw out the same sigil design for, what, the millionth time? This part is easy, it’s been easy for the whole set he’s been working on up until now. Omen can draw the sigils like the best of them – though not really, he has to remind himself to keep from getting a big head – but the drawing isn’t the purpose of the exercise, it’s the carving. He’s still thankful that he’s allowed to trace the way he has been doing, even if it really doesn’t feel like it’s been helping him any.

Alice taps him on the arm twice after he’s finished drawing, immediately withdrawing back into her own space and gathering her hands in her lap. She’s been quiet today. Omen hasn’t known what to do except occasionally look over at her and feel bad, not having a clue on how to comfort little kids – or okay, maybe not comfort, but, reassure? Something like that. Anyway, he almost fully turns to her now, making his eyes wide in the belief that it’ll come across as super accommodating and non-threatening.

“Hey,” says Omen awkwardly. “What’s up?”

She points across the table, to the scraps on the acrylic board. “Can I colour those?”

“Oh! Yeah, sure, let me just–” Omen gathers the scraps up into his hands and sets them down with Alice’s printer paper. “There.”

She examines the little cardstock squares. There’s dozens upon dozens, many test runs and failures from his work over the day. Omen looks at the stack of completed carvings he set at the top corner of the wooden board and sags at how few there are. So much waste for so little work. But Alice doesn’t seem to think of it as waste at all, not as she looks through them and sticks her little fingers through some of the cuts in the paper.

“Are you making snails?”

Omen blinks rapidly as he tries to process this – kids are on a different level. He looks down at the collection of half-carved sigil drawings and attempts to find something snail-like about them. One of the designs is heavily reliant on spirals. Is it the spirals? It could be the spirals.

“Uh, no,” he says. “They’re like,” he pauses to think, “kind of like letters? It’s for one of my classes.”

“What language is it?” asks Alice, setting to work filling between the lines of one of the sigils with a nice powdery blue. She sounds brighter already, at the very least more eager to talk – not looking at Omen probably makes it easier. “Is it a magic language?”

“I don’t know,” he badly lies.

“Oh.”

Silence passes, and Omen shivers at a nonexistent breeze. “It’s like a code,” he offers.

“Oh,” Alice says again, though in a completely different way. She finishes with the powdery blue and starts filling in gaps with a pale green. She nods at the card in a most knowledgeable manner as she reveals, “I know about codes.”

It must be a good thing that she’s talking to him now, right? She’d been looking distracted today, focused elsewhere, on something beyond her own drawings. Maybe nothing at all. And that had worried Omen a bit. Like, Omen likes Alice, she’s a good kid, he doesn’t want her to be sad or anything. He’d have struck up a conversation with her to see if it would help, it’s just that he doesn’t know how to be friends with a kid. What’s even a good thing to say to a kid? Valkyrie’s rule – magic is okay to mention, but not demonstrate – stresses Omen out enough. He worries he’ll say or do the wrong thing and ruin Alice forever. More than he already has.

“What codes do you know about?” asks Omen.

Alice lifts her head and taps her chin for a moment, then shrugs and goes back to colouring in another sigil. “My dad can speak pig latin, he’s really good at it. That means I must be good at it, too.” She meets his eye, looking a little chuffed. “I’m good at lots of things.”

“I bet!” Oh god that sounded so fake.

But Alice beams, and Omen breathes a sigh of relief. Perhaps that’s the trick he’s gotta use – kids respond well to exaggeration, don’t they?

Alice goes on, “I’m going to be so good at whatever I want when I’m a grown-up. That’s what Stephanie says.”

“She’s right! You’ll be great, whatever you do!” Okay now this is a bit much. Omen sucks in a breath and tries to tone it down, tilting his head at the girl. “What, er. What do you want to do, Alice?” Because that’s something you ask kids, yeah? He gets asked it all the time.

...he used to. He used to get asked it all the time. No one asks him much of anything anymore.

“I want to do magic,” admits Alice a bit shyly, and Omen realises this is like a big moment for her and he shouldn’t get so caught up in his moping. “I think about it loads, and I know exactly what I’ll do! I’ll have a big wand with a star on top, and I’ll have fairy wings and definitely be able to fly, and when I wave my wand at someone they have to do what I say.” She turns one of her pencils in her hand, trying to find a good spell-casting position, miming fancy flourishes. “I’ll make shooting stars with my hands, and people can wish on them but I’m in charge of what wishes actually happen.”

He nods along dumbly. “Rad.”

Alice feels the same way. She climbs up to her feet. “I’ll show you. I’ll do like this.” She waves the pencil at Xena, who lifts her head, ears pricked and tail starting to wag. “Xena,” Alice says. “Stand up.”

The dog obeys, fully coming out from under the table. She looks between Alice and Omen expectantly, like playtime is about to begin – which Omen dreads. But when Alice tells Xena to sit again, she does, and now they’re cycling through all sorts of tricks. Roll over, shake hands. The whole arsenal. It’s very impressive, but Alice grows bored with the demonstration soon enough and wants to keep colouring. She retakes her place on the floor, only now with Xena lying beside her with her head on her leg.

Omen clicks his tongue against his teeth and looks towards the entryway to the living room. He puts his hands back on his knees and rocks himself into a stand.

“I think I’m gonna go look for your sister,” he tells Alice. “Are you okay staying here?”

“Yes,” replies Alice mindlessly, before snapping her head up at him. Panic swims in her eyes. “You’re not going to tell on me, are you?”

Omen balks. “Tell on you for what?”

“Doing magic,” she cries. “I want to wait until I’m really good before showing Stephanie.” She points her pencil at him with utmost seriousness. “Don’t tell Stephanie!” Alice commands.

He raises his hands defensively, eyebrows shot up as far as they can go. “Hey, it’s cool. I won’t.”

“You better not!”

“I won’t, Alice, I said it’s cool!”

She seems satisfied with this, and returns to drawing little stars around one of his sigils. Xena doesn’t lift her head, but she looks at Omen with her dog eyes, with a very...doggish look. You know how sometimes a dog’ll look at you and you know they’re thinking something? Omen feels like he’s been looked at that way by many a dog. He offers his hands to Xena, speaking quietly, almost as if he’s afraid of addressing her. Not in a scared-of-dogs sort of way, more in a scared-of-librarians way, but now that Omen is thinking about it he figures dogs are kind of like librarians. A silent authority.

“You stay there,” he says. “Good girl. I’ll be right back.”

“She only listens to me,” Alice claims without looking up.

Omen doesn’t know what to say to this, so he just turns and heads out of the living room.

The strange, special peace of Valkyrie Cain’s house slowly returns to him as he makes his way through it. It’s not quite an exploration, as he’s been here before and has a general idea of what goes where, but it’s definitely not a search either, he moves much too unhurriedly. He thinks maybe he shouldn’t, maybe he should hurry. Maybe the reason why Valkyrie’s been gone for so long is that something terrible happened, there’s some monster or serial killer loose in the house–

Omen takes in a deep breath and squares his shoulders. There is not a monster or serial killer loose in the house, he very calmly tells himself. Something terrible has not happened. Valkyrie has been gone only twenty minutes. Maybe she’s in the toilet. Omen pulls a face at the thought; in the toilet for twenty minutes, you fool? You think Valkyrie Cain gets constipated? You think she wouldn’t have that worked out? Flustered at his own line of thinking, Omen needs to rapidly decide what she’s been up to. Valkyrie’s been– she’s been... He catches his reflection in a mirror, and the peace has fully evaporated once more.

“Avoiding you, probably,” he mutters. “You stupid git.”

She must have only let him hang out here out of pity. She must’ve read his message and scoffed at how pathetic he is. What kind of guy wants to do his homework at barely an acquaintance’s house? What kind of guy can’t handle the school library by himself anymore?

Perhaps because that’s what he is; by himself, most unavoidably. Unwanted wherever he goes, promoted from dumb idiot friend and brother to an even dumber idiot third wheel. A useless lump of a person with no aspirations, all the more useless now that the world is done with his family. What he’d give to be there for his brother in this time, to help him through it – but that spot’s taken for Auger, and resultantly empty for Omen.

He points at himself. “You need to quit whining,” he nearly snaps. “And you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You dumb– fucking…”

Omen has a little sit in the hallway for a few minutes, fists pressed against his mouth as he looks at the weird and wonderful design of the rug. In fact, he can spot a few sigils weaved in there, that’s pretty cool. Did Valkyrie pick out this rug? Was it a gift? It’s in good condition but it’s probably pretty old – the faint smell helps attest to that. Maybe her uncle had more to do with this rug than she did, or maybe it was here way before either of them. Who knows! The mystery of the rug.

Gordon Edgley, Omen assumes, probably loved Valkyrie very much. Certainly enough to leave her this big house and its peace. It would be nice to be loved, to be left something. To have peace. He gets up.

Valkyrie is one floor higher, in a slightly unkempt yet clearly underused office. She stands at the desk, a journal splayed open on its surface as she takes pictures of the pages on her phone, sending them off somewhere. Omen watches her do this for a minute, wondering if he’s become good at sneaking around; thinking perhaps she hasn’t noticed him.

“You right there, Omen,” Valkyrie eventually says without looking up, not asking a question as much as she is crushing his dreams of stealth.

He sags and takes one step into the office, but comes no further than that. “I was just, ah… I just thought– I thought, you’d been gone a little while. Alice might be missing you. Or something.”

Valkyrie stuffs her phone in her back trouser pocket, then immediately takes it out again to check the time on the lock screen before putting it back. “Should get her home before long.”

Omen reverses back into the hallway. “Oh, yeah, um. I’ll leave soon, too.”

She fully turns around, leaning against the desk, and actually, properly looks at him now. Looks and sees, maybe even comprehends. Not likely on that last one, though; no pity has crossed her face yet. “Yeah, if you want. But no rush, Omen, you can chill here as long as you need.”

His first instinct is to argue for something he doesn’t even want. He clasps his hands behind his back instead. “Thanks.”

She folds her arms over her chest and tilts her head to the side. “You sure you’re alright?” He hadn’t said he was. “You seem a bit lost, there.”

“Oh, you know.” Omen fidgets and tries for a joking tone, “Aren’t we all?”

Valkyrie nods sagely, reaching to the desk behind her to close the journal. “Wise words, Darkly.”

Something about this little exchange has made him feel better. Maybe it’s this new, more positive energy that Valkyrie is radiating, how she smiles unbidden at her phone when it buzzes at her for something. Omen almost feels comfortable enough to attempt a more meaningful discussion, but there really is no easy opener for any of what he has on his mind, nor a point to saying any of it aloud. Despite this good mood she’s been in, she probably wouldn’t care in the slightest.

Which is fine, because she is a grown woman with her own life and her own problems, Omen is sure to tell himself.

Valkyrie pockets her phone again and straightens up, exits the office and starts going down the hallway. Omen watches her, and she must hear that he’s not following because she glances back and waves him over.

“Get with the program,” she says sharply, but with good humour. “When I was your age and people started walking away, I knew it was time,” she snaps her fingers, “to get fuckin’ moving.”

“Sorry,” says Omen as he hurries up beside her. “Am I annoying you? I’m probably just getting in your way.”

She looks at him and laughs. “I just asked you to follow me! Relax, Omen, you know I like you.”

“Right, gotcha. Thank you.”

“Some of the time.”

He blinks. Valkyrie nudges him with her elbow.

“More than some of the time,” she says like she’s paying him a compliment.

“Ha,” Omen replies, feeling bolstered but still kind of stumbling on his next words, “I guess there’s times where I can stand you, too.”

Valkyrie’s laugh is a roll of thunder. “You cheeky fucker!”

they were gonna come back to alice and see that she’d started colouring in omen’s proper, completed homework sigils and accidentally activated one (just a little glowy thing, nothing dangerous), and after taking her home valkyrie was gonna ask omen about it and he was gonna tell her about what alice said about doing magic – but then it’d turn out that he literally can’t. when she waves her wand at someone they have to do what she says.

i also wanted to explore valkyrie and omen being friends now that valkyrie’s up for it. she’s taking pictures of werewolf entries in gordon’s books and sending them on to skulduggery, fyi, then smiling when he texts back a joke or some shit. valdug was gonna have a werewolf adventure. and ofc omen dealing with post-prophecy angst.

but alice accidentally doing magic!! HOOH BOYy

maybe i’ll try in comic form.

[t-citurnity-moved]

caaaineee whomst is this troy fellow!! how would ya describe ur wife to someone who doesn't do b. lands 👀

Hewwo!!! I’d be very happy to educate you about my wifey!!! (For those of you who don’t know, calling Troy “my wife” is an inside joke. Basically, if asked who is the wife in the relationship between him and Caine, Troy would 100% say it’s *him* that’s the wife, and I quote, “obviously.”)

Now that’s out of the way, please read below the cut to learn about my wife and why I love him!

Troy Calypso! He’s a tall, feral rat man who’s stolen my heart. ❤️❤️❤️

Troy is Tyreen’s twin brother (I’d like to think that neither of them are really sure who’s “older,” so they constantly argue over it.) And because they were conjoined twins, Troy, like Tyreen, is a Siren!

(Sirens are “mystical” people in B//lands who have unique powers like Lilith’s phasewalk, which allows her to avoid damage (becoming invulnerable & invisible to enemies). In Troy and Tyreen’s case, they have Phaseleech, which allows them to power their abilities by “leeching” others! Tyreen can do it with everyone, turning them into husks, while Troy can only do it to other Sirens, which I guess absorbs them out of existence? It’s not really explained.)

So, yeah! Troy’s considered fairly weak by the fandom and the like and they’re not exactly wrong, because his boss battle isn’t that hard at all, but I’d like to think he’s a lot stronger than a lot of people give him credit for! I also like to think that he’s just very misguided and misunderstood, but like... who doesn’t when they’re talking about their wife, right?

Anyway, Troy is a very complicated person. I’d like to think that he struggles a lot due to how he was raised and the events happening around him as per the game. I think maybe he does truly believe in what he and Tyreen are doing, but he struggles to comprehend it as the “right” thing sometimes; it leads to a lot of doubts and questioning himself.

[SPOILERS]

I also think that, despite appearances, him and Tyreen fight a lot more than usual siblings do. It’s very obvious in game that Tyreen doesn’t give two shits about Troy, based on how she deals with his death; instead of checking to see if he’s still alive (which he could’ve very well been) or if he’s okay, she chooses to leech him right away. There’s also a lot of the word “parasite” thrown around between them, because of Troy needing to be cut from Tyreen when they were young.

I also believe that the reason Tyreen was shocked when they learned Troy could leech other Sirens was less because she feels some sense of “being replaced” and more of a sense of Troy not needing her any more and growing into his own person without her - it’s not because she cares, it’s because she’s losing control over him in some sense. Tbh, I could ramble on for ages about how I believe Tyreen is a manipulator and the like in canon (I write her very different from how she comes off in canon tho, so her and Troy do genuinely care for each other as part of my fanon.)

I think Troy wants to do good things and he wants to be a good person, but ultimately, he has to rely on Tyreen because she’s the only thing keeping him alive. He saves Lilith when Tyreen wants to completely leech her and I truly think that was a peek at how much of a good person he wants to be, but he’s held back by the limitations of his own existence.

Troy is someone who I think seeks out affection and attention from people without really thinking about what he has to do to attain it. (Very much like someone who might act out of line just because it gets them the attention they didn’t have as a child.) And I think it’s because he gets so much attention from cult members that fails to look at the consequences of his own actions; he thrives off attention and subsequently becomes blinded by it. Even then, in moments of clarity, I do think he’s capable of doing the right thing if he knows how.

I honestly think he’s a product of a bad upbringing and that’s what drives him to seek out attention by any means necessary - and hey, having a cult and endless followers means he gets as much as he wants when he wants it! That being said, I do think if he was given the opportunity to do the right thing, he would. Especially if someone was there to guide him.

[From this point forward, it’s all self ship stuff, babey.]

More oft than not, this is where Caine comes in. Caine might not be morally correct in most senses of the word (being a mercenary, so his moral compass depends on where money leads him), but I do think that he’s a guiding figure in Troy’s life as well as someone who provides him with all the attention and care that Troy craves - and moreover, needs.

And it’s because Caine is able to lead Troy to be a better person that Troy actually does make more of an attempt. He tries. Sometimes he fails. But more than anything, he learns. He learns that whenever he does well, he is rewarded in the same manner than when he’s done bad. In fact, he finds that whenever he does something out of line, he gets the opposite of what he wants. So, he does better. And he works harder. And despite everything, people start to come around - they start to see him as something more than what he was, and he feels loved.

And that is why I love Troy. Because he’s capable of being so much more if he just has someone to keep his head on straight. If he has someone to teach him how to do things differently; if he has someone to show him that there is so much more than doing what Tyreen expects of him simply because he has to rely on her. He just needs someone to show him that he’s capable of doing good and he is capable of being loved and he can change for the better.

He’s just... a little badly written, is all.

And since you sat through all of that, there is another gif of my wife for good measure!

Thank you for letting me ramble about him, I love him so much.

[rosalind-of-arden]

Sword and Pen Reread, chapter 11

Oh shit it’s the Annis chapter. There will be tears.

For the ephemera, we have a letter from the Archivist of the Library of Pergamum to the Archivist of the Great Library. They consider each other rivals. This fits with real history, it looks like. What does it not fit with? The story Jess tells in Ash and Quill. In Jess’s story, the Library of Pergamum was a rival to the Great Library “in the early days”, but by the time the Romans came along to try and loot it, Pergamum was a Serapeum of the Great Library. Here’s another of those little inconsistencies suggesting that what we know of Library history is very heavy on the propaganda.

Eskander can sense Obscurists leaving the Iron Tower even if they aren’t wearing collars. Most stuff Obscurists can do, at least very powerful ones. 

Annis hates her collar but also feels uncomfortable without it. Probably a very common feeling among Obscurists.

“Don’t tell her I said she wasn’t fluent.” There’s just... so much relationship in this line, and I am incredibly sad that canon does not allow for Eskander/Annis to become a thing.

Language stuff: There is a text essential to understanding Heron’s Poseidon automaton that is written in Assyrian. Why not Greek?

Annis is literate in Assyrian. I feel like knowledge of obscure languages would be a popular thing in the Iron Tower. WTF else is there to do but learn languages to read more stuff?

Now, Eskander just said he’d know if Annis left the Iron Tower... but he can’t locate her. Is it that locating a person that precisely is impossible? Or is this our first hint that she’s dead? Obscurist powers work with life energy, so a dead person might be impossible to find. Eskander is exhausted and busy, and when he can’t detect Annis right away, he decides it isn’t worth the trouble when Morgan can just go look. It’s probably hard to pick one person out of a tower full of people. The guilt he must feel after this. That irritability might even be covering a bit of denial: he should be able to track her, he can’t, that’s not good, but he’ll assume it’s just that he’s tired and it’s difficult.

“He’d spent too many years a hermit to gladly bear regular interruptions.” Eskander trauma effects here.

Like Khalila, Eskander has set up in an old storeroom.

Obscurists Magni. Must remember this is the plural.

ANNIS! *cries* @eli-wray had some good thoughts on the narrative value of this death in their excellent reread post that I am failing at finding on this hellsite. I’ll just add that Caine didn’t kill many (named) characters in this book. Instead, she made a small number of deaths really count. Annis was one of the few remaining side characters who was genuinely likable, and it hurts to see her die.

Obscurist power can change doors into walls. Morgan can feel this happening. It takes “expert manipulation of quintessence, and prewritten formulae” to do this. Must eventually try to work out differences in what can and can’t be done without writing out formulae.

Morgan is just so shaken in this scene. She’s struggling to accept the reality of what’s happened, and she isn’t thinking effectively. If Annis is tied to a post and dead, what are the chances she still has her knife, Morgan? That’s how hard Morgan’s brain is fighting against acceptance.

Morgan can immediately sense when a Codex has been tampered with. Because she’s made her own untraceable, too.

The ex-Archivist had distinctively “eccentric” loops in his handwriting. Also, Gregory apparently used to wave orders from the Archivist around a lot when threatening Morgan - good to know for canon gap fic.

More Eskander trauma effects: he doesn’t always answer his Codex. Why would he? He isn’t used to people talking to him and might even have some anxiety about answering.

And that gets me thinking. Who else doesn’t always answer his Codex? Thomas. Who also only very recently got out of solitary confinement.

Magic ring can transmute a gun into its component parts and put up a protective field around Morgan. It can throw people back hard enough to knock them out. But Gargi only will do this when Morgan can’t handle the fight on her own.

Evil Obscurists used silencing spells to stay hidden.

Canon gap fic I want to see: Annis investigating the ex-Archivist’s conspirators in the tower. Even knowing it ends badly, it would be nice to see Annis have her badass spy moment.

Eskander’s Translation is loud. I don’t think Translation is described as loud anywhere else. He was able to Translate in right in front of Morgan, which means he could locate her.

Eskander is better at undoing other Obscurists’ work than Morgan. She can’t even figure out how he gets the silencing effect off.

More magic ring powers: altering air density to block bullets.

Ring pulls power “from the walls of the Iron Tower, from the generations of powerful Obscurists who had been born, lived, worked, and died here.” Confirmation that the Tower is drawing energy from the Obscurists, sounds like.

Eskander has had worse injuries than this gunshot in his youth.

Eskander-Santi parallels: guilt because they trusted someone for an important job and were betrayed, resulting in the death of an important person. Eskander assigned one of the traitors to investigate the tampering with the automata.

Morgan-Khalila parallels: as adults are injured/killed or turn out to be untrustworthy, they keep stepping up to higher positions of authority.

Morgan directs people to get Eskander to a Medica. Morgan is used to taking care of her adopted family and knows they will be dumbasses and not take care of themselves.

Iron Tower layout: 4th floor is for automata control. Staffed by 50, “working constantly on monitoring and rewriting commands.” Always this busy? Or is it because this is a crisis?

Sergeant Mwangi - Morgan’s new guard, someone to bring back post canon?

Chowdry and Salk. Obscurists Morgan trusts enough to work with her on the automata. How does she know them? Met during canon gaps in Smoke and Iron? Annis’s friends/partners?

Things a mirrored book can do, at least for an Obscurist: rearrange information according to requested criteria, overlay text for comparison, flag items with a verification code.

Signs that Morgan is not ok: mentally, she’s so absorbed in working on the automata that she can’t even parse the sound of screaming.

Multiple companies are responding to the Iron Tower attack. That’s how important it is.

Mwangi makes the critical mistake of telling Morgan not to do something. We all know how Morgan reacts to that sort of thing.

More shit Morgan can do: rearrange the chemistry of Greek fire to make it harmless. 

Oh look, the ex-Archivist plots to burn something important to the Library and Morgan risks herself to stop things from burning. Hello foreshadowing.

Iron Tower has a central open space.

Artifex forges are enhanced with scripts to make fire burn hotter.

Vanya Nikolin, the ringleader of the traitor Obscurists, used to do favors for Gregory. He was someone both Morgan and Eskander trusted. Probably acts like just an all around nice guy? Really, did either of them have enough experience with the other Obscurists to know who to trust? Annis might have been able to help them a bit in that area, but still.

Vanya has removed his collar and bugged out, heading for the Tomb of Heron.

What I didn’t see in this chapter? Energy vampire Morgan. Either the ring has fixed her, Eskander fixed her again, or she’s just gotten so damned used to the gnawing need for power that she barely notices it anymore. She’s exhausted, she’s having trouble focusing and processing information, but she’s not fighting compulsions to drain people.

[wrestlingisfake]

Smackdown Fake Rankings, 2/1/2020

Men’s heavyweight singles division - babyfaces

Roman Reigns

Daniel Bryan

Braun Strowman (intercontinental champion)

Shorty G

Elias

Men’s heavyweight singles division - heels

Bray Wyatt (universal champion)

King Corbin

Shinsuke Nakamura

Sheamus

Cesaro

Unranked: Drew Gulak

This division is surprisingly robust, considering how many of the guys on it have been misused or underutilized.  For better or worse, Vince McMahon really believes in Shorty G and Elias, so they’re stronger than the corresponding undercard faces on Raw.  Sheamus is clearly going to be positioned as the next “asshole bully” heel after Corbin’s dog food stunts run their course.  And Cesaro is overqualified as a lackey for Nakamura.

Nevertheless, it’s pretty obvious that Reigns is the only real choice to challenge Bray Wyatt at Wrestlemania.  Bryan has already tried and failed.  Strowman’s superhuman gimmick pales in comparison to Wyatt’s.  The other faces are still too weak to suddenly topple an invincible monster, and I don’t see any of the heels turning any time soon.  Unless Captain Marvel gets drafted to Smackdown or something, I think the only force powerful enough to beat Bray will be Vince’s dogged determination to make Roman look strong.

Men’s tag team division - babyfaces

The New Day - Kofi Kingston & Big E (Smackdown tag team champions)

The Usos - Jimmy Uso & Jey Uso

Heavy Machinery - Otis & Tucker

Lucha House Party - Gran Metalik & Lince Dorado

Men’s tag team division - heels

The Miz & John Morrison

Dolph Ziggler & Robert Roode

The Revival - Scott Dawson & Dash Wilder

Reports about the Revival wanting to leave WWE have intensified in the past few days.  Last I heard, Dawson’s contract is up in April, while Wilder’s ends in June.  The heel side of this division will struggle to adjust to their loss--it’s hard to imagine any of the current face teams turning to balance things out.  Maybe Nakamura and Cesaro could make a run for the title in the spring.

Women’s division - babyfaces

Naomi

Lacey Evans

Alexa Bliss

Nikki Cross

Carmella

Dana Brooke

Women’s division - heels

Bayley (Smackdown women’s champion)

Mandy Rose

Sonya Deville

Unranked: Tamina

In theory the women’s tag team champions would be obligated to appear on all brands, but Asuka and Kairi Sane haven’t been on Smackdown since September and haven’t defended the title against a Smackdown team since December.  Bliss and Cross fighting Rose and Deville a zillion times isn’t much of a tag division.  The singles division isn’t much better; as with Raw, WWE is falling back on the bad habit of focusing on exactly one women’s feud at a time (the champion and the latest challenger) instead of cultivating multiple programs to get plenty of future challengers ready.

It doesn’t help that Alexa Bliss and Sasha Banks repeatedly get sidelined for weeks at a time.  I presume those issues are concussion related, but whatever it is, WWE needs to focus on really resolving the problem instead of just getting them medically cleared for the next show.  I’m increasingly worried one or both of them could be forced into an early retirement.

No TV/PPV matches in 60 days: Apollo Crews, Bo Dallas, Curtis Axel, Drake Maverick, Heath Slater, Kalisto, Mustafa Ali, Sami Zayn

As far as I can tell, Zayn has wrestled exactly two matches since last summer.  I won’t pretend to know why that is, but it feels like he’s either winding down his career or trying to run out his contract with as little wear and tear as possible.  Most of the other guys listed above haven’t been seen since the last Saudi Arabia show, and I suppose we’ll probably see them again on the next one in late February.  If I were Apollo Crews, I would want out very, very badly.

Part-timers: Cain Velasquez, Kane, Maryse

Velasquez reportedly signed a multi-year deal with WWE, so even though speculation about him appearing at the Royal Rumble didn’t pan out, he should get a rematch with Brock Lesnar one of these days (likely at another Saudi show).  I thought Kane would be done after becoming mayor of Knoxville, but I guess he can and will wear a mask and do a chokeslam until he’s 75.  We probably won’t be seeing Maryse much while Miz is teaming with John Morrison, but she’s technically available the next time they do a battle royale or what have you.

Inactive

Sasha Banks (undisclosed injury - possible concussion)

Xavier Woods (right heel - Achilles tendon tear)

Woods will probably be miss Wrestlemania and Summerslam with his injury.  Banks is one of these cases where WWE won’t say what it is, but they only do that when it’s a concussion.  The word is that they expect her to be cleared each week, and then she isn’t, which is consistent with how concussions could take hours or weeks to clear up.

[takaraphoenix]

Review: 03x13 Beati Bellicosi

So @kimmycup and I finished the episode!

Let’s start with the wolves and vampires - and my favorite line of this episode:

Wolves don’t just attack without a cause. Not in New York.

Bitch, that is the opposite of the New York pack. They literally do that. They do that. Bat Velasquez is one of the living breathing proofs for that because he got attacked and turned without a cause and consent by members of the New York pack. They went and attacked Simon while he was peacefully living on their territory, without any cause just because they were bothered by his presence. Maia tried to fucking murder Jace the first time she met him just because he didn’t have time to help her in that instance and, without actual hard proof, she assumed he murdered Gretel so let’s attack him without legitimate cause. Maia, again, also tried to straight-up murder Clary so she wouldn’t be able to activate the Soul Sword in season 2. Attacking without a cause is the New York pack’s MO, literally.

How do multiple praetors fail to catch one newbie vampire? She is not very trained, she is all alone, how did those trained praetors, not even just normal wolves, not manage to capture that bitch yet? How is that a thing? What even are praetors because they sure as shit seem rather useless. I thought they were a specially trained force. But they, in a group, can’t even take down one vampire, huh.

And then Griffin thinks it’s legitimate to slaughter the pack... because the praetors accused them of hiding Heidi, which honestly while wrong in that moment was right in the next when Heidi was welcomed back in and was also right in the scene before Jordan arrived when Heidi was in the Hotel and talking to Griffin already. Not to mention the whole fact that Raphael turned her without telling anyone and kept her hidden in the basement so like... not believing the New York clan about anything involving Heidi is really not much of a “You don’t trust us because we are vampires!” issue, you do not get to play the racist card there because you, your clan, literally did all of that not even a month ago. And it by no means justifies slaughtering nearly the entire damn pack.

I mean, yes, it was in fact not “good authority” that brought Jordan to the hotel. Like, boy needs to fact check shit, but it still stands that Heidi had been there prior to it and after and that the New York clan hiding Heidi in the basement is literally how this whole shit-show started so Griffin’s gotta get off his high horse.

Now let’s talk about family.

One aspect of the addiction plotline that I hated was how Alec so irrationally got angry with Magnus for not immediately telling him Isabelle was addicted... but no one even thought about telling Jace, who supposedly is also her brother, until the whole thing was already over. And we’re going to do this again, huh? We’re going to do this Alec and Izzy style again and not tell Jace until it’s over.

Same for the whole Downworlders getting tortured part - I mean, I still stand by how Izzy’s reaction to this is fucking ridiculous because this is not news. Like, yes Downworlders getting tortured is bad and shouldn’t happen, but they already know this happens. This isn’t news? So why you acting all high and mighty and morally superior? And like “this isn’t how [Maryse] raised us” - bitch, it is. It is exactly how she raised you because it is how y’all have been doing business from the get-go. You, dearest Alec, literally had an outfall with Izzy over Meliorn being taken in to be tortured in season 1. That was kind of a big deal, so don’t act like this was never the case.

Look, you can have character development and growth. You can have Alec and Isabelle growing as characters and now being against torture. But you don’t get to sell them as completely oblivious idiots who didn’t know this has been going on the whole time, that’s bullshit.

Now, the Lightwood family is not the only one I take issue with.

How do we not get any Luke and Clary bonding at all? This show so desperately tries to sell Luke as Clary’s father figure, but let’s take a step back from how much we want that and look at the actual canon facts. Luke didn’t take Clary in after her mom died; she lived with strangers at the Institute. Luke wasn’t there to mourn Jocelyn with Clary, he went on a run to mourn alone. We never got any shared mourning between Clary and Jocelyn. And now? Now that she is back from the dead? He doesn’t even spend one single day just... being with his daughter? To, I don’t know, be there for her, catch up with each other? Instead he goes and investigates with... Maryse. This could have been a good bonding moment for Luke and Clary. They could have investigated the Morning Star sword together, as father and daughter.

But the show oh-so desperately had to sell its ships. So let’s talk about ships.

It’s not even been two months since Jocelyn died. Not even two months. The woman Luke has loved for two decades. Dead for approximately like six weeks. But... he’s kissing Maryse, a woman he supposedly had bad blood and history with through the Circle and the treatment after the Circle ended. But sure, the exactly three (3) interactions they had since Maryse was deruned totally qualify for Luke moving on from the woman he loved for two decades to... her, of all people. I’m not saying you gotta be a mourning widower for the rest of your life, but two months are a pathetic mourning period if you loved someone for this long and it is majorly cringeworthy that they are forcing romance to happen there, instead of spending Luke’s screentime on the above mentioned potential bonding with his daughter. This is a ridiculous decision, writing-wise.

Maia and Simon acting like they had some epic, all rules defying romance is ridiculous. They were dating for literally three weeks. Literally three weeks. That’s... most people wouldn’t even define that as a relationship. Look. I liked them, I actually did like Maia and Simon together so this isn’t meant as “I hate this ship, it ain’t epic!!!”, but as “You really can not define a two weeks relationship as epic”. Because, quite frankly, you didn’t manage to defy the stereotype that a wolf and a vampire can’t date - because in the end, the wolf chose her pack over her vampire boyfriend so like... What you said made no sense, is my point. And it’s also so insanely forced. I mean, this breakup has been coming for the past two episodes now and them now going “Maia needs to put the pack first so she breaks up with Simon so we can finally make S*zzy happen1!!” is... once again, a ridiculous decision.

I genuinely don’t even wanna talk about Jace and Clary. It’s been less than two weeks that they’re together. Jace has expressed how he wants to take it slow. But sure. Let’s have sex right now, once again without anything emotional tying them together. They will never bother with writing this as an actual relationship, will they? Like? There is no interest in their emotional state of mind, no concern “So, Jace, now that I just returned, how are you doing post possession?”, nope it’s immediately “Can we fuck now?” and they do. How is beyond me though. Like, how can Clary legit be horny enough that “So I’m emotionally linked to my brother. Let’s fuck and give him a good orgasm then, huh” isn’t enough to put her off?? This is just... insanity.

Other random observations:

I feel like what best summarizes this season, if not the entire show, is the fact that Simon literally just met a Biblical figure who is very much alive, and it is just legitimately used as a throwaway line. Like. That’s the pacing and cramming of this series. We have so much going on that we can’t even take five minutes to have this Jewish character sit down and digest that he met the Cain and to like deal with that and his faith. No, it’s just one throwaway line that that’s a thing that happened and then we gotta move on.

So Silent Brothers illustrate novels now, huh. That’s a thing Silent Brothers do now, yeah. I mean, if this were... like... an actual copy of a Bible or something. But Paradise Lost is just... it’s a story. Sure, sure, sure, we treat it as A Real Thing, apparently, but it’s still just a book. And the Silent Brothers just... illustrate those now. With enough accuracy that you can make out the super rare rune that binds Lucy and Mike, yeah? That’s a thing. Of course. Because they were “special seer Silent Brothers”, so we’re... implying they actually witnessed this fight between Lucy and Mike and got a good enough look at their bare shoulders to illustrate the rune, yeah? That’s what we’re going with, huh?

Also, hot damn. They are doubling down hard on the “metaphor” - I don’t think you can, in good faith, call it a metaphor anymore because those always do need a little translating. They literally called Jonathan Morgenstern and made him the demon-blooded one. While Clary is the super pure mega special angelic angel girl. And now they share the runes of Lucifer, aka the actual Morgenstern/Morning Star, and Michael, the super mega special angel. That ain’t even a metaphor anymore.

Do Shadowhunter doctors even exist? When Jace nearly died, well one of those times anyway, he got healed by Clary, aka the most untrained Shadowhunter at the time. When Izzy was badly injured and wanted to go to the Iron Sisters, she did not go to any actual doctor in the Institute, she got her special vamp-drugs directly from the head of the Instistute and did not ask any doctors for second opinion either. Clary, in her infinitey stupidity, decides to just go with it and try to derune that magic special rune that the mother of all demons put on her, and it’s not done by a specialist with training, it’s just done by Jace. Do they have anyone with special medical training anywhere in that Institute, is what I’m asking.

I don’t know. I’m just so tired at this point.

TL;DR:

This show is 100% driven by ships. Characters make decisions only based on what ship the show really needs to sell, be that Luke suddenly asking Maryse for help instead of bonding with his daughter, or Clary and Jace just randomly having sex despite all the trauma Jace has been through since the last time he said he isn’t ready yet and wants to take things slow, or how Maia breaks up with Simon so the show can make S*zzy happen. It’s insane. Please stop being horny, show-writers, I beg you

Wolves are dumb. There is no other way to phrase that

Vampires though? Also not the brightest. How do you let Heidi manipulate you like that, Griffin? Raphael needs to come back

Stop pretending like the Lightwood sibling bond is a special thing applied to Alec-Isabelle-Jace if you keep excluding Jace

Silent Brothers like illustrating novels in their free time, who’d have thought

If they try to hit us over the head any harder with the Jonathan MORGENSTERN = Lucifer and Clary = oh so pure good angel metaphor, I’ma get a concussion from it

[janiedean]

In a catholic country you choose Jules César over Christian troublemaker Constantine! Heathen ("The River" please, I know the lyrics by heart)

I’D HAVE RECOGNIZED YOU EVEN IF YOU HAD BEEN ON ANON ;)

that said: OKAY THEN also excellent choice as Caesar has an history with rivers ;)

(I’m linking the live version because I think this song becomes 10000% more powerful if you hear the story he told before playing it in the eighties sorry I don’t make the rules)

The River is the title track from Bruce’s 1980 double record (his first) which is incidentally the one I’d start people on if they wanted to get into his music. It’s been widely recognized as one of his best song if not the best (it’s certainly the favorite of a lot of fans) and rightly so because it’s a damn fucking masterpiece. It’s also a perfect blend of 70% of his thematics, as it brings together the following themes at least:

failed relationships

love stories that started out well and turned sour

politics (slightly but IT’S THERE)

the failure of the american dream

the blue collar protagonist whose life turns to shit and cannot get out of his failed life

which is like 70% of bruce’s non-romantic, non-obviously-political thematics which here are brought to a pinnacle of fucking perfect flawless song. So, with that said, let’s go into it.

So, as usual, we have the cinematic, lightening-like opening after an harmonica opening that is not upbeat music:

I come from down in the valley where mister when you're young They bring you up to do like your daddy done Me and Mary we met in high school when she was just seventeen We'd ride out of this valley down to where the fields were green

So: first-person narrator (same as in a lot of his songs) who comes from down in the valley ie small town, where mister (the narrator is obviously talking to someone of a higher social standing if they call him mister, so he’s not rich and we know it from the get-go) they bring you up to do like your daddy done, ie where you’re expected to do the exact same job your father had and then your kids are expected to take it up (like the people in Youngstown that we were discussing a couple days ago or like the guy in Adam Raised a Cain, same spiel).

This man has a girlfriend named Mary (other recurrent name, but while this is not the Mary from Thunder Road... she could be or could have been, let’s remember that Thunder Road guy wanted to get out of his town of losers - this is one guy that didn’t pull out of there to win) and they met when they were seventeen, so they’re high school sweethearts, and they’d ride out of the valley down to where the fields are green, which gives the listener an immediate picture of hope - green fields are a good thing/image, and they’d ride out of the valley ie leave their hometown behind for better things. Same as the people from Thunder Road, right? And where do they go?

We'd go down to the river And into the river we'd dive Oh down to the river we'd ride

They go to a river, ie a body made of water, which is the contrary of a valley, situated in a green field, where you go to swim supposedly (or to have sex while you do, I would assume, so they’re young and happy and in love and they look for a better life in the green fields and swim in the river like regular kids would do. But then why is the song sad?

Then I got Mary pregnant and man that was all she wrote And for my nineteenth birthday I got a union card and a wedding coat We went down to the courthouse and the judge put it all to rest No wedding day smiles no walk down the aisle No flowers no wedding dress

It’s sad because as they’re young and stupid and haven’t used a condom, Mary becomes pregnant (presumably during one of the trips to the river) and of course they have to marry because otherwise it wouldn’t be acceptable and here starts trouble, because the narrator instead of going to college or get a better life, gets a union card (so he supposedly has a factory job that would pay to provide for the family and nothing fancy that would require going to college) and the wedding coat. They marry in a courthouse, so not in a church (because she’s pregnant already most likely) and the judge puts it all to rest, which is certainly not a happy wedding, which is confirmed to us in the next line - no smiles, no aisle, no flowers nor wedding dress, which are the basics things you have at a wedding. So, their love story starts to a very bad beginning as their wedding sucked, it was basically shotgun and just because she was pregnant and it basically forced both of them into a forever partnership even if they were too young.

Of course, they don’t go to their honeymoon. Instead:

That night we went down to the river And into the river we'd dive Oh down to the river we did ride

They don’t go to a honeymoon but to the river, ie the place where they had been happiest and where they were dreaming for a better life and consuming the happiest part of their love story. And they dive into the river, hoping that it’s a good beginning for the marriage or that it brings them some luck, or at least to have a last ride like when they were sweethearts.

So, does it work out? The narrator tells us that no, it really didn’t:

I got a job working construction for the Johnstown Company But lately there ain't been much work on account of the economy Now all them things that seemed so important Well mister they vanished right into the air Now I just act like I don't remember Mary acts like she don't care

First: he has a job working construction for a non-better specified Johnstown Company but Johnstown (same as Youngstown) was a leading steel producer so it’s probably the same area, which means it’s probably underpaid or average-paid, and there ain’t been much work on account of the economy ie the same crisis that then fucked people over in Youngstown and in all the midwest (Johnstown is in Pennsylvania but Pennsylvania also has a really high number of blue collar workers), so he’s not bringing money to the table while Mary supposedly cares for the family/keeps things together at the house. All the things that seemed so important, mister (so he’s still talking to someone else - maybe at a bar? we don’t know), vanished right into the air so everything that seemed important to them now doesn’t anymore in light of their failed relationship, the lack of money and the uncertainty of his work situation. So he acts like he doesn’t remember (acts like - he remembers exactly everything) and Mary acts like she doesn’t care (so she does care) except that if this is how they act then they most probably barely even talk over dinner, which is not the same thing as happily frolicking in green fields and skinny dipping in the river. So: their marriage has gone to shit because they married too young and were forced into it and there’s nothing that seems to be able to salvage it.

And so what does our narrator do?

But I remember us riding in my brother's car Her body tan and wet down at the reservoir At night on them banks I'd lie awake And pull her close just to feel each breath she'd take Now those memories come back to haunt me they haunt me like a curse

As the song’s tempo changes and becomes faster and more frantic, as if he’s in a hurry to go back there, he says that he remembers the times they’d ride in his brother’s car (not even his) and they’d have sex after (her body tan and wet suggests that it was after skinny dipping and it also suggests of how attractive he found her, which is not implied in the non-flashback narration anymore) and after that he’d lie on the banks with Mary pressed up to him, and count that as he sings that he sounds like he’s crying or he’s suffering, so it’s physically painful to remember the times in which they were happy and young and carefree, so much that those memories haunt him like a curse because they didn’t cash in on them and their relationship is terrible now and there’s no way to salvage it.

Is a dream a lie if it don't come true Or is it something worse that sends me down to the river though I know the river is dry That sends me down to the river tonight Down to the river my baby and I Oh down to the river we ride

And now we’re at the conclusion where after saying those memories haunt him, he says, is a dream a lie if it don’t come true or something worse?, as in: if a dream doesn’t come true, is it just a lie or have the two of them been betrayed not just by their hopes but also by everyone else around them who forced them to be in a relationship they didn’t want, and by the economy that doesn’t let have have financial security? They had a dream, it didn’t come true, and that dream is obviously the American dream but for them it was a lie. Or worse. And whatever it is, this - in a plot twist - sends the narrator to the river ie the symbol of his dream and his hopes, though he knows the river is dry, and what is a river without water? A river without water is dead same as his dreams and hopes as above, but he still goes there anyway because he can’t deal with the reality of having to accept that his life turned out badly, his marriage has failed and his wife seems to not care about him anymore and he can’t provide for either her or their kid (notice how he’s never mentioned in the entire song except the pregnant part, so they probably have a bad relationship), so the river has turned into a metaphor for his life which is Not Good. The only sort of hopeful thing in the end is that his baby and him are going to the river and it’s in present, not in the past, so maybe this time Mary went with him and maybe they’ll talk and maybe they won’t, but the river is still dry, so most likely the answer will be no and we know it as the last harmonica solo comes into the song and it ends.

Now, this is the quintessential ‘failed relationship’ Bruce song because it’s pretty much the sum of all those themes plus has a woman’s name that comes back more than once in his songs (Mary has been in Thunder Road and here and in Mary’s Place and in a lot of others and imo more than always the same woman it’s different faces of femininity when it comes to his themes) plus elaborates on the ‘blue collar worker struggling in the economy’ which had come into play in Darkness on the Edge of Town (but that was more about failed relationships and childhood dreams rather than the economical situation) and brings it here where it’s laid down with the usual clear, suggestive images and the synthetic storytelling packing a punch and a lot of information in five lines along with the usual cinematic imagery - don’t tell me you haven’t pictured the man and Mary on the reservoir in the third stanza because I won’t believe you - and again we have the theme of the guy who cannot get out of his crap situation because in his small town he was supposed to do just like his father done, so he cannot escape his legacy and the son most likely won’t escape his father’s, and all of his hopes have gone as dry as the river he can’t help going back to hoping that it starts filling with water again, and probably it never will, but thankfully we don’t know that and so we can choose to believe the contrary.

Spoilers: I personally think it’s an extremely sad song and tied with the speech about his father in the above version I don’t think it leaves much room to hope he and Mary have a chance, especially because after this record the follow-ups were Nebraska and BITUSA which are a lot bleaker than anything he had written up until that point and where things for the protagonists get possibly even worse. But hey, he did leave you the opening.

In conclusion: The River is a hauntingly beautiful, extremely well-composed song that is absolutely a great place to start for new fans (along with the record it’s on) because it has most of the Springsteen Approved Themes in a nutshell and is an excellent introduction to the man. And that harmonica just makes it even better. And damn if it’s not poetry when it comes to discussing failed relationships.

(PS: everything written in that idiotic article on jezebel that I won’t like to not give them hits about Mary in The River and Springsteen’s stance on failed rships is a total, complete lie and I will fight everyone on it. peace.)

[jeparlelibremente]

Demian (Hesse)

“There was the world of my parents’ house, or rather, it was even more circumscribed and embraced only by my parents themselves. This world was familiar to me in almost every aspect - it meant mother and father, love and severity, model behaviour and school...”

“The other world, however, also began in the middle of our own house and was completely different; it smelt different, spoke a different language, made different claims and promises. This second world was peopled with servant girls and workmen, ghost stories and scandalous rumours, a gay tide of monstrous, intriguing, frightful, mysterious things; it included the slaughter house and the prison, drunken and scolding women, cows in labour, foundered horses, tales of housebreaking, murder and suicide...”

Spoiler alert for the book in question

The dichotomy of Hesse’s narrator runs through the novel with singular accuracy; we are reminded, again and again of these two worlds that exist only as his own creation - and this is important: the problem is philosophical, existential. Hesse virtually gives this up in the prologue chapter, at any rate - analysis and interpretation not even necessary. But it’s crucial to bear this in mind, because I wanted to talk about why this theme is recurring in Hesse’s work; his books are populated with narrators plagued by internal crisis, who endure an entire lifetime of misery before eventual catharsis and denouement. “Misery” here may imply some tone, but it would be hard to classify them as happy or unhappy, they seem to exist only to deliver a kind of weapons grade ideology of psychoanalytic reflection right into the mind of the reader. And I would be hard pressed to name another writer who can peel back the layers of the human psyche as easily as Hesse. The Nobel Prize in literature has at times been controversial, but few would doubt the place of Hesse in the pantheon of the Western Canon. How many authors have even remotely tried, successfully, to explain the meaning of life? Siddartha isn’t even parable or metaphor, synecdoche or analogy; it is the eponymous character embarking on a quest to determine the meaning of life. And just like Sinclair in Demian, the tale is driven by an existential thirst: something is wrong, this is not enough, there must be more. More what?

In 1930 Freud published Civilisation and Its Discontents and began to tackle a problem that must have taken root in his mind even as he formed the early theories of psychoanalysis: the drives of the id are fundamentally incompatible with the principles of a peaceful civilisation - how does the ego mediate between the id and the super-ego? It’s one of the most unfortunate paradoxes of our species that as math enables us to connect more broadly and more rapidly, many of us are losing the ability connect on any deeply intimate emotional level; we marry the wrong spouses out of anxiety of loneliness, we surround ourselves with acquaintances but struggle to make ourselves understood. We’re screaming in a vacuum and nobody can hear. We suffocate. We suffer needlessly. We turn to Tinder and see profiles of “ENTJ” replacing dialogue and passionate conversation. Don’t get me wrong; online dating profiles only give you so much resolution to work with, and you’re going to need to write something - but so few people seem ever able to progress beyond this point. They attach themselves to someone, anyone, simply because they are there. There may be little attraction, shared interests, chemistry, humour - but - as an object, an abstraction, an idea - this person will do. We have increasing divorce rates and more pictures of our kids and failed relationships on Facebook and Instagram then ever before. We didn’t even have Facebook and Instagram before. People reflexively marry in order to post the relevant pictures to the relevant social media sites and tick the relevant boxes. Then what? The prognosis is poor; misery begets misery, and our children are learning unconsciously to mimic this behaviour. Disaster. And who is to blame for all of this?

Everyone at some point in their lives has to kill their parents. Youthful teenage rebellion is a psychologically fulfilling necessity. You need to individuate - the truth is you’re going to be carrying a lot of baggage (negative connotation not necessarily implied) and you will need to take responsibility for this. Understanding oneself is an extraordinarily difficult thing to do - by the time we have the cognitive faculties to do so, our impulses and instincts, attachments and transferences are so keenly developed that un-rooting them takes considered effort - I know all too well how extremely difficult this process is. Putting your finger on some unconscious instinct is like trying to thread a needle in the dark. Exhausting. Sleep, repeat. People are who are treated really badly by their parents tend to develop problematical personalities; borderline personality disorder has only increased in diagnostic rate; and it is only a description of behaviour, not even a real diagnosis with somatic malfunction to point to! Narcissism is even worse: modern psychiatry has very little to say about our increasing divorce rates and failed relationships. Why, after five years of marriage do you want to stab your husband in the face when he laughs in just that particular way? Take solace: the problem is not your husband, the problem is you. Or perhaps the problem is both of you. Either way, this is not the person you were supposed to spend your life with. People say monogamy is unnatural, but in truth this is an intellectualisation with one goal: to avoid making any concrete decisions. If you don’t make a choice with consequences then what have you risked? And in the perverse interpretation of narcissism, what does your partner choice say about you? The alternative is to frantically pick someone, anyone, and run with it. If it doesn’t work out (it won’t) you can always un-friend them and un-tag all your photos together. It is this invisible fourth wall that is causing your frustrations. Your inability to meld to another persons well-being. I am not anti-social media, I am anti-you not understanding why you repeat the same patterns over and over in despair.

“I was glad my father upbraided me about my muddy shoes. It side-stepped the issue, the graver sin passed unnoticed and I got away with a reproach which I secretly transferred to the other affair. In so doing, a strange new feeling lit up inside me, an unpleasant, ruthless feeling, full of barbs - I felt superior to my father!”

Sinclair knows from the beginning that something is wrong; the opening passages of this essay are taken from Chapter Start. I feel like it’s low hanging-fruit to look at Sinclair’s remarks about his father and then look at Freud and back again; and besides, his mum tries to comfort him after the ordeal with Franz Komer begins, and Sinclair doesn’t really display any Oedipal tendencies -  his refusal to eat the chocolate she brings can be seen as a pattern of positioning himself to move away from his parents. Max Demians’ initial appearance is a convenient way to Deus Ex Machina dear old Franz out of the picture, but by this point it is already too late: Sinclair has tasted the forbidden fruit of knowledge (that Franz Kromer can so easily trick Sinclair should not be lost on the reader: Sinclair’s naivety shines through) Whoops. Also, this is... kind of the titular character. He wasn’t about to slink away. Sinclair and Demian hang out, they talk about stuff in a way that probably only Nietszche would find amusing. Sinclair is semi-infatuated, retreats back to the safety of his parents and sisters (take note that he has no brother, yet attends boys’ schools) and goes back to study. He learns about interpretation, and begins to think deeply about the character of a man. He sympathises with Cain, and not Abel. This is important: it is the first time his intellect has demonstrated the ability to abstract, it lets him reason with symbols: semiotics is the basis for metaphor. “You mean the mark isn’t a literal mark?” Demian says some edgy stuff with one common theme: be true to thyself.

Several years and puberty later, and cue boarding school. Sinclair is going out and getting wasted, his talk is cynical. He is deeply, deeply alone. He knows all the right moves to make socially, but he connects with no one. Grades are bad, and his old friends are trying to distance themselves from him. That’s ok, he’s made a lot of new ones - that he feels nothing for. Uh oh. For a book written in 1919, this is starting to look a lot like... us.

Part 2 soon.

[mittensmorgul]

Today’s jaunt through the TNT loop hit the part of s11 that points the car toward the finish line and revs the engine. 11.15-11.18  (and really 11.14 is where it starts, but I watched that one yesterday, so it feels weird to include it in a post specifically about what I’m watching today... stupid brain refusing to organize itself more practically) takes the themes of the season spelled out in the triptych of 11.11, 11.12, and 11.13 and begins driving them home with purpose.

Amara and the Darkness hang like a metaphorical raincloud of escalating depression over this run of episodes, contrasted with the light and power of the Hands of God “weapons” that equally elude their grasp. The larger metaphorical and thematic struggle of the season plays out offscreen for the most part, since these two opposing fundamental forces of the universe-- creation vs destruction, light vs darkness, order vs chaos (hello my old friends my s11 meta tags!)-- are where the main a-plot action of the season is happening. We see that cosmic struggle through the lens of what TFW are struggling with.

As above, so below. Gabriel once referred to that concept (in 5.08) to explain why Sam and Dean were the “perfect vessels” for Michael and Lucifer. It’s the same concept as “the river shall end at its source,” as Metatron once said. And it’s the essential narrative structure of the entire series as far as the individual character arcs are concerned. S11 is where this entire concept pivots around and shows us the pivot point-- Dean Winchester, the firewall between light and darkness. Chuck and Amara both literally pointed at him as their exemplar, and in 11.23 he (armed with the power of Humanity) became the vehicle that finally united them both. Such is the power of the duality of humanity the show (and Dean specifically) has been wrestling with for years (hello entire MoC arc summed up in the themes of 10.11).

I know I’ve written about Dean’s descent into depression over the Cas-Lucifer situation, and there are hundreds of posts on my blog in the tags for these episodes detailing all of this already. But I can’t help it. Dammit, s11 let me love you.

in 11.15, we find Dean already packed to head out to The Hangman’s funeral. He’s concerned for Cas, but that concern hasn’t hit DESPERATION levels yet. He’s still rational, still hasn’t really come to grips with what they can do about Cas yet beyond being positive that Cas WANTS to be saved. He’s still at loose ends over his own confession about how incapable he feels in Amara’s presence, but is still confident that Sam is handling that end of the research for now.

11.16 escalates his growing depression and frustration at any lack of progress despite the “win” he’d had in 11.15 and the reaffirmation of the whole “keep grinding” theme. What they believe will be an easy vengeful spirit case turns out to hit very close to home, bringing them back to the comparable feeling of frustrated desperation of the apocalypse era by literally existing in both times at once via the Soul Eater’s nest. It may not have been the easy win Sam had hoped it would be, but it was still a necessary diversion that allowed them to set their own pasts (via saving Bobby from the Soul Eater) to rights. A major theme of s12, as well-- rectifying their own past via Mary’s resurrection and personally coming to terms with their own legacy via the Men of Letters.

11.17 opens with Dean reaching a state of abject depression over their inability to gain any ground on either the hunt for Amara or a way to save Cas, and for the first time he drags his heels on taking on a case that Sam suggests could be a good distraction for them. Sam is clearly concerned for Dean, and despite Dean including Amara, Lucifer, and the Hands of God in the list of things they’re trying to handle, Sam narrows Dean’s reasons for wanting to hand this suspected case over to another hunt to one singular point:

Dean: All right, well, we make a call and we put somebody on it. Sam: Yeah, but... [He sighs, closes his laptop and looks at Dean]. We'll get him back. Dean: How? Sam: I... I don't know. But we'll figure it out. Meantime, we got to get out of here. Clear our heads. I mean, this is a case. Let's do what we do. Let's work it.

None of their other pressing concerns is weighing on Dean like Cas is. That one line is the foundation for the rest of the action in the entire episode. Poor dumb Corbin had no idea just how badly he underestimated Dean in forcing his hand by “killing” Sam, and selfishly using a rational mathematical argument to push Dean into walking away from his brother there. The underlying hesitation and depression Dean had been fighting through BECAUSE SAM HAD ASKED HIM TO HELP ON THIS CASE, because SAM had been trying to help get Dean out of his own head for a few days, essentially washed away when Corbin killed him.

When he finds Sam dead, Dean’s ready to give up everything. It had been SAM who’d kept him going, who’d given him a reason to “keep grinding.” Without Sam, Dean had lost hope for everything else.

It was Michelle who gave Dean a reason to keep fighting right there, and the walk through the woods to save her gave Dean enough time and space to reorganize his priorities. And it was Michelle again reminding him of Billie’s threat of the Empty that spurred him into desperate action yet again. It brought back the reminder that Dean was helpless to deal with Amara on his own, and that it was Sam that the fate of the entire universe was resting on.

And it was his chat with Billie there that finally taught him that the universe didn’t really care about fate... It gave him the push to begin fighting the depression and helplessness that was metaphorically the “thrall” Amara had over him.

11.18 is where Dean begins taking back the reins of his own fate. It’s also the first time he faces Amara and is able to ignore her completely, calling out for Cas instead. He’s begun to disconnect himself from the power she’s had over him since he took the Mark of Cain, because he chose something different. It’s also where we distinctly see the difference between Sam and Dean’s relationship with Cas, and the seeds are sown for expanding on that difference in s12.

Sam: I thought Lucifer had a shot. Apparently, uh, archangel plus God power doesn't trump God’s sister. Dean: But if the thing has to be used by God's chosen, then maybe an archangel who got the boot doesn't qualify. Either way, horn's out of ammo, so... Sam: So, back to square one. Dean: Yep. [Sighing.] Sam: Listen, um... I know I came down on the side of wanting Cas to deal with Amara, so... Dean: Well, that's what he wanted, though, right? Besides, didn't we say that we were gonna swear off getting in the way when one person makes a choice the other doesn't agree with? Sam: Yeah, um... Yeah, we did say that. Dean: So... Sam: Okay. So, that's our policy. Dean: Which sounds damn good. [Sam chuckles.] Well, let's go find that idiot and bring him home.

Yes, their policy is to honor the other’s choices, but Cas’s choice to say yes to Lucifer has played out. He thought Lucifer could defeat her, and Lucifer failed. Cas had been wrong, but that only reinforced Dean’s need to save him now. From what Crowley said about Cas being unreachable because of Lucifer’s control over him, Dean understood that Cas couldn’t just kick Lucifer out on his own, despite now having proof that Lucifer either lied about being able to defeat Amara or was just wrong about it. Cas’s “choice to say yes” hinged on that promise, and now that it was null and void, they could save Cas without wondering if it’s what he’d actually want.

It was heartbreaking for Dean to watch Amara zap Cas away, but it was actually the shot of hope he’d been needing-- the certainty that he needed to intervene in any way he could to rescue Cas.

Okay, I guess that’s enough jibberjabber about stuff I’ve already talked about ad nauseum. :P

[elizabethrobertajones]

12x17 watching notes

(Finally :P)

expectations - well, I had pretty low ones before this episode came out but while I was mucking around waiting for it to become available through some channel or another, a couple of people have expressed actual excitement to me about it so now I'm confused, especially as they didn't offer any qualifiers about that, aside from that the Crowley and Lucifer stuff would be pretty boring, which was a lesser problem on my list of things to worry about.

Let's see what happens :P

-

The recap starts with the Crowley and Lucifer stuff. Yay.

Blah blah Dagon and Kelly... EILEEN HI

-

Okay interesting BMoL recap - starting with Mick and his character development so far, then sliding over to Ketch, punchy punchy Mary hitting things in time with him. So they're linked (see also: gloomy expectations :P) and actually doesn't tell us anything else about Mary in that moment, but keeps on recapping Sam and Dean's issues with the BMoL - Mary's been swallowed up into them.

-

Kendricks! With their creepy motto about being stronger together. Which is I guess what Sam accidentally echoed about the better the MoL are the better they are

(Mittens just told me the crossed keys on there are a symbol of heaven too which *anvils*

-

It is never a good sign when you're called into an office and they put plastic sheeting down. I guess one of these kids isn't coming out alive... I don't think they've said names yet but I think the pale dark haired one is Mick because duh

odds are they make him murder his friend for shits and giggles

I can't visuale "Michael" being Mick because that name just doesn't fit :P Also anvils again the whole Michael thing - we had his lance not too long ago. He's LURKING.

-

LOL the Headmistress pauses with horns behind her head. Not ominous about her being evil at aaaall.

-

LOL they are Michael and Lucifer parallels

And Michael wins. Obviously. Since we know Mick kinda makes it out of there. :P

-

So Headmistress with her codes is God, Mick actually wins the damn fight which is NOT good because the only other repetition of the entire cycle to win the fight was Cain and that ended *so well* for him.

All the Cas mirroring just got blown out of the water though. I guess he now gets to carry the weirdly dubious honour of dealing with the Michael mirroring... Michael who would not back down from the apocalypse because God Said So and he was going to be a good son and do what was destined of him, no matter if it meant killing his brother. Of course we've had that exact conflict remembered earlier this season with Ramiel musing on how Michael made his spear to kill Lucifer slowly and painfully. Cain mirrored down the line to Dean - Mick mirrors back up to it Michael. Interesting that they want to address this again even just thematically with parallels like this... I'm so not convinced ever at any point that Michael will actually come back, if nothing than for the show to dig in its heels and enjoy the "You forgot Adam" jokes to the end of time, but Michael IS a loose end narratively in that he's so heavily NOT been involved in the story again, and carries a real, terrifying weight that Lucifer does not, and tbh never really did, since he popped up in 5x01 all like hey I'm the villain, but Michael had a much more insidious awfulness to him... And with 2 appearances ever, remains far more mysterious and powerful in the story than the now over-blown cartoon villain Lucifer's been since, well, honestly, season 7, though obviously Hallucifer was not meant to be the real deal...

Anyway I should maybe not take forever to watch the thing because I always do and I started so late thanks to download links being terrible >.>

-

Wait

Mick is alone and drinking in the office at the BMoL compound remembering all this (yay alcoholism all of a sudden out of nowhere - he really has utterly switched gears to the Michael-Cain-Dean thread)

and now Sam n Dean are driving off to meet him

when the hell was the promo scene and was it even in this episode :P

-

EILEEN IMMEDIATELY

Yesssssss

I am immediately also upset that she loves Sam so much but doesn't tell him to not let Dean talk to her while he's driving if it means he has to keep looking down at the ipad to make it clear what he's saying to her >.> EYES ON THE ROAD. Sam's no good to you dead.

-

I am mostly admiring Eileen's hair because Kelly stuff is like... okay.

-

Aw she said goodbye to Sam specially. My heart.

-

Dean thinks it's cute too.

Sam's like "come on" oh god he's in love too.

Sammy, this is how it feels to be in the hot seat when people mock you for having an adorable crush. Leap behind denial and pretending there was nothing special about that "bye Sam" :3

And you should know you've seen it happen to Dean enough :P

-

Dean ships it.

And he always knows what's true and good :3

-

"He stole my line" says Crowley somewhere or other. I love how Dean was literally just saying not to call Crowley, and there's Mick in the library with the whiskey, "hello boys" and suuuuper ominous music, because he just let himself in. Does he know about Kelly? Sam and Dean are coordinating all the other hunters they know on this, but it's their resources. And they actually have other hunters they know and trust and are good, working with them.

And of course, the whole thing with the BMoL imposing on them - no privacy, the keys giving him full access to their lives, and, I think, assuming in a way they're their superiors because Sam n Dean are hunters, but Mick has the desk job and the education...

-

Sam and Dean present a united front stomping towards Mick, who has come to hang out. Now HE is on the case of Kelly, and of course it comes out that they were keeping it a secret...

Mick mentions cosmic shockwave but it's not Cas's cosmic consequences. I think we need to limit the word cosmic to one per season relevant things.

Anyway as with 12x14 showing the BMoL are playing on their stage but are tragically behind and under informed. I was recently musing on if they had the same technology as a start point as the Bunker and that detected the angel fall, they would have obviously a lot more time to develop it and would have equipment sensitive enough to detect all sorts of big events (I was wondering about the seals breaking in that context, but a Nephilim being conceived counts)

Now I have to listen to Dean recapping 12x08...

I feel like I should just leave a blank space for watching them arguing about killing Kelly or making her get an abortion. Just because... Buckleming, no, why are you even handling this subject. Why.

Mick takes the far more hardline approach that they should have killed her, but I mean, Sam and Dean start from the point of, we thought she agreed to get an abortion (are you not allowed to say abortion on American TV?)

-

I do love Sam and Dean sitting on the table side by side like this KNOWING they're like, the most intimidating men Mick will ever meet and if they play up the double act, he's so much more likely to crack from the pressure :')

This is rapidly turning into Buckleming's favourite trope of Sam n Dean judging you together, which I can't remember how often they do it but it is a Thing and 9x21 is not the only example though it’s the only one I can think of, and none of the other writers ever make them do exactly this.

I think part of why it stands out to me is just because while Sam n Dean are great and can be united against a mock-worthy foe, they actually aren't usually *united* and even when things are great, they play to their strengths, but often moments of unity highlight their differences, especially current conflicts or whatever. Moments of inward reflection occur and so on.

Here, they're just a block on this table which says "exposition: Winchester POV" while Mick is over there like "exposition: drop more anvils" (he just called the nephilim an "abomination" out of the blue)

-

"Until then, we drink" - I think Dean is distracting Mick more than anything - he already showed up in the Bunker, drinking, and Dean knows they have a lead thanks to Eileen. If they can get Mick trashed, who knows, maybe he'll forget, maybe this will all seem less urgent in the morning, maybe he can be reasoned with differently when the plan is he has the hangover and Dean is doing dishes noisily in the kitchen, if, you know, Mick had not out-drunk them

-

wait why is Lucifer back in that chair - did Buckleming literally not watch 12x15? It's so pointless to chain him up... he should be like, sitting in the corner of Crowley's room or whatever, LOOKING free and suffering.

The fact you could fade out from 12x13 and into 12x16 for the Lucifer stuff makes me think that Perez did the best he could and bless his cotton socks but you just can't un-fuck Buckleming writing when they're on a roll, because if they think Lucifer should be chained up in this chair like they wanted him, then here he is.

I mean aside from anything it's yet more complete disrespect for canon - that they clearly didn't do any homework for 12x13 because holy crap the Gavin stuff was badly handled, and that was their own story so you'd think they'd know how follow on from their OWN writing - and now they're not even playing ball with the other writers on current stuff >.>

As I said in an ask I answered a little before this episode, they have their own canon running adjacent to main canon, where all their mad plot stuff happens, and everyone else just has to deal with it as a sort of weird fever dream that happens in the background of the Winchesters' lives. You can't reason with it when they aren't listening. Or they just do not understand the point of what someone else wrote.

-

Anyway I guess Dagon feels like she failed Lucifer over something or other, which makes her a kid desperately trying to prove herself to her father.

Sounds ominous about Kelly "lasting" and that the pregnancy will probably include all sorts of body horror and then kill her - I suppose more burning up like the vessels or something in that vein.

So I suppose now we have the whole do you let the baby get born at the expense of the mother dying stuff - I really really hope this is not some wacky anti-abortion message but actually makes this look WRONG. I mean you'd think Lucifer and a trusted underling not valuing the mother over the baby would be a good start that this is a bad POV on abortion because it's again choosing for the mother what's "best" and which life to value more, but, well.

I also just don't trust the writers because the message was so bad in 12x08 with all the men arguing over what to do about her baby and Kelly's characterisation to not even consider abortion seriously despite having a baby from rape, before we even get into the ethical horror show of what it may or may not be intentionally saying about aborting babies with problems you just don't think you can deal with as a parent regardless of their potential

I mean fucking hell can we just not have this story arc?

-

Wait if we're having more Mick flashbacks did he actually kill his friend or are we just wallowing on this

I can't tell with these writers if I should expect a plot twist or just over-writing :P

-

the Headmistress has a chessboard in front of her, currently all set up and not played. But in the actual game, her chess pieces are all over the board. Does she think she has them in neat lines, but they're actually running everywhere?

Who knows - Mick tries to complain he's still cleaning up after Toni's mess while the Headmistress thinks that they're hopeless because Toni said so. She doesn't want chess pieces she can't get neatly in line.

Not how the game works, ma'am

-

She seems to think so - "assimilate or eliminate" - she really does not understand the Winchesters and their role in the whole... cosmic order. You work around them, or with them, not over them. :P

-

Blah blah Kelly and Dagon - Dagon doing the bare minimum to keep Kelly alive while off the radar of everyone looking for her, clearly not caring about Kelly... Kelly demands to see a doctor because of course we need her to make stupid decisions.

I bet the baby has like, little horns and a pitchfork in there and the weird pains are because it's poking the inside of her tummy with the pitchfork.

Cackling comes over the ultrasound, somehow.

Also, better odds the doctor is randomly an angel, maybe because they've possessed every single doctor in the country waiting for Kelly to drop by because she wants pics of Satan jr to share on Facebook to make all her schoolfriends jealous.

-

The hangover scene - Sam and Dean have their sleeves rolled the exact same way. They really are still being a unified front. Of course, the whole table thing - they're in their rightful places while confronting a cheery Mick hanging out in their kitchen. Last interloper to do that was God.

-

Of course this implies that Sam and Dean keep the resources to make Bloody Marys in their fridge in the first place.

Which is completely and utterly horrifying, that Mick comes in right as they're asking each other about Mary, and makes himself a Bloody Mary.

-

Binge drinking: a national sport and we're GOOD at it

-

I am disappointed that Dagon did not just roll with the fake relationship thing because that would have been hilarious and maybe actually made me interested in the character dynamics going on here. She's not exactly done anything to make her look like more than the standard standoffish demon with old school lucifer loyalties and not much interest in being nice except for what it gets her. Of course there's a Meg vibe going on but like... without all the oozing charisma and personality that in Meg 2.0 was just in one eyebrow all the time. I mean, she could just stand there and eyebrow slightly and... gah, Rachel Miner just has ridiculous stage presence :P I don’t DISLIKE Dagon but she’s trapped in this writing and has no room to do anything fun or challenging.

-

I just took a little break to come up with a much better way to write this story with Mittens, and we've concluded if Kelly's not going to be HORRIFIED by what's happening inside her, she should be intentionally stoned out of her mind with nephilim baby brain, which Dagon has to deal with like "UGH" and long story short, she has to throw Kelly a baby shower to keep her happy and they sit there crocheting booties together and AGAIN would give us real character dynamics - Kelly wavering between "what's happening to me?" and wandering around their dilapidated hide out of the week wondering where to put the nursery while singing to herself, and Dagon grinding her teeth and helping Kelly pick out names all sweetly :P

-

I just want these poor actresses to have something real to work with

-

Can't see horns on the nephilim

-

oh well

-

*slowly decays on my chair into a neat little pile of dust while Crowley is being boring with Lucifer* I was just watching 9x02 before this, and Crowley chained up in the dungeon there, playing Kevin for all its worth, and oh my god that was excellent writing

boring

... I do not remember typing that

Oh, Michael reference. Cool. Cool cool cool. Nothing new about him, but with his presence in the narrative I have to wonder if Lucifer is lying or exaggerating.

-

Giving Crowley what he "wants" in order to make him bored or unsatisfied or whatever Lucifer seems to be playing with seems to go back to a much less interesting version of Crowley than the one who seemed to have a lot more fun torturing Lucifer in 12x15 with a genuinely clever way to BREAK him but oh well

the "you win" obviously is really fake and Lucifer attempting to manipuate Crowley while under his control and ugh Crowley does it so much better. He broke Kevin in like 3 lines of dialogue

-

Ooh Mary

She has a bigass gun - ha, as I was typing that she added another attachment and made it bigger

-

I suppose that's not a metaphor about their relationship - "I've learned not to argue"

-

"Major in murder, minor in mayhem?" okay we've switched to whichever of Buckner and Ross-Leming is the quippy one :P I like these lines, to be clear. Mary is fun. Mary and Ketch fascinates me, if you didn't notice me writing a 6k fic where they were married in the aftermath of the world without monsters :P

-

Oh my god is she actually going to talk about her life with Ketch? I was hoping nearer the start of the season she'd open up to Cas but obviously that would be too positive for the both of them. And now it's part of Ketch seducing her, so I'm gonna cut off that thought right here, since it would have been for sweet family reasons with Cas but sooo not where it's going here :P

She's wearing the same shirt with the XOXOX pattern from 12x02 and we can see the chain with the ring on but it's not really obvious the ring is there

-

Oh NOW we can see the ring, after the "Mrs Winchester, I believe you're drawn to danger" line and the camera changes to a wider shot and you can see the ring finally, like, they parted her plaid a little.

-

I kind of want to be more emo about Mary talking about her life, and I am in other contexts but this episode has exhausted me, so her laughing sadly about her quiet normal life not happening was kind of a non-moment to me >.> I suppose she's sort of coming through to a state of acceptance if you apply the stages of grief, but she's still dealing with it all wrong by not talking to her family - even Cas - but bonding with the worst possible character to bond with this season. I mean, c'mon, if she'd started hanging out with Crowley he'd have got weirdly attached in a non-creepy way and kind of hate himself for giving her honest girl talk advice :P

-

Mick can't seem to move without ominous music following him

-

Pfft there's another, worse Brit here now who is the Poshest and even drinking tea while he comes to chat with Mick. Mick being all rough and stubble-y and pointing a gun at him is immediately looking like a more relatable character in terms of what we're asked to relate to with hunters and all - he's picking up their mannerisms

-

The posh boy talks about another set of hands - NOT a Cas parallel or at least the worst freakin Cas parallel ever. I think in a way, if that line does mean anything, then the parallels to Heaven here, have Mick as the Cas here, and posh boy as the Establishment Cas is up against.

-

Oooh the blood is on the floor there next to Mick, but last episode Dean was standing directly on top of it so I missed that detail. Now it's just casually in the frame with Mick, reminding us and I guess therefore telling us what's on his mind. And, you know, showing us Mick framed with what was a huge pool of blood.

-

Okay I guess the guy who just murdered the doctor is a demon despite no eyes flashing because he didn't use an angel blade and an angel might have been a bit more, sorry have to murder you hope you understand - no idea why he did that unless Dagon's commanding some demons to clear up Kelly's mess, knowing her little mind control thingy might not be permanent. Or Crowley also is looking for the nephilim on the side to pointlessly torturing Lucifer.

I mean without the eyes he could have just been a really proactive hunter or BMoL

-

Oh gosh no Dean's on the phone to Cas, listening to his terrible voicemail. Help.

-

OH NO EILEEN'S HERE AND SHE'S SITTING IN THE 'COME AND GET ME' POSE

Sam you need to take her on that table right now

Dean will clear the heck out, he understands and thinks you're cute together

-

I literally did not listen to a thing they said while screeching about that *rewinds for plot*

-

Also just the whole Cas n Dean thing on one side and Sam n Eileen in the other room

-

OH gosh they saved the demon reveal for Eileen having a badass fucking showdown with him both showing their cards with him doing the eyes, and her pulling out an ANGEL BLADE

I know they're a lot cheaper in the current economy but I have to think Sam gave it to her from their spares pile, because of the Asa Fox thing on the one hand, that they ARE rare for hunters to best and angel in any way but also just this way it's sweet

but oh boy the Cas/Dean Sam/Eileen stuff that happens when you show her pulling an angel blade

-

Ah, the demon did work for Dagon

-

(Which means Crowley is flagging in this race, if he's even in it >.>)

-

But anyway Dean third-wheeling Sam and Eileen is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Sam is awkward and smiling! Eileen is gorgeous and smiling! Dean likes Eileen a lot with respect as a hunter (thinks it's cool she stabbed a demon in the heart) but is totally cut out of the final moment where Sam and Eileen clink beer bottles, I mean, he just *vanishes*

and then I realise - this is how Sam feels all the time when he's stuck in a scene with Dean and Cas :P

-

What is Crowley even doing

I suppose this scene is very blatantly illustrating how 2 stories can happen at once - Crowley thinks he's showing ultimate dominance, and Lucifer is subverting it by using the words Crowley wants to hear for his own ends, with actual wink wink nod nod to how he's the one saying how it will be. The demons are confused and hesitant about what they're clapping for... Not entirely sure which power is ruling them and how it's going to turn out for them - who do you support in this race? Crowley is the surface text, presenting what he thinks is obvious from the visuals. But Lucifer is the subtext, with his back turned to Crowley he's free to convey what ever else he wants, even to the point of painting the exact opposite story to what's going on

discord between surface and subtext.

-

Kelly seems to be genuinely trying to be totally normal about her pregnancy... is this denial?

-

Literally did not recognise Sam's voice... I knew it had to be SOMEONE putting on a voice but what the heck Sam can ACT?

-

I mean I'm not complaining I love it but AAAH

-

Also me whenever Sam and Eileen are on screen together: hands over my mouth, eyes all big and anime shiny, faint squealing whistle escaping from between my fingers

-

Aw Mick no don't ruin this party

-

Eileen: "no one cares" *continues making heart eyes at her* *sam sends heart eyes at her*

Oh god we're all in love with Eileen, this is not going to end well, because I can't fight Sam for her. I am smol and he will kill me.

-

Anyway more class struggle between the BMoL and hunters... they have files on them but think they have no training, despite the fact they survived. I mean, Eileen has made it as a deaf hunter. Can they not appreciate how fucking badass she must be? :P Learning on the job with live monsters means any hunter who makes it so far has not been killed by literally every “class” or “test” they ever had.

-

Blah blah Sam gets handed the colt while standing in the shadow of a bridge blah blah 1x21 parallels. In 1x21 they did not get the shot they wanted. Although Dean was handed the Colt by John (who Mick is now standing in for) and gave it to Sam before he didn't make the shot. I wonder if Sam will give the gun to someone else.

(For no reason other than that she's here, I'd love to see Eileen do it, although of course it would take away some narrative impact from a major character parallel. But I love her so)

-

Well that was an easy kidnap

Kelly really is not coming out of this well. I'm going to blame as much as I can on baby brain. She's such a pawn in this narrative and it sucks on a grand scale.

-

*nyoom*

-

Is Dean just taking her straight to the others for them to maybe shoot her? I mean, what is the actual plan here

-

*Dean continues missing Cas out loud* *doesn't care about this other guy who showed up instead*

-

Anyway a whole bunch of blokes are here to talk to Kelly about it, though she's now too hugely preggers for take-backsies

-

Sam wants to help, Mick has the unsympathetic POV that the baby won't even love Kelly because it's a monster, Kelly actually gets to say out loud that she was used and is upset about the Lucifer thing (woah, a whole line of dialogue about it :P) and that she loves her baby anyway.

Blonde posh twat just wants to kill her immediately, which causes Dean to go into human shield mode to Kelly

-

Eileen's just like, not everyone is looking directly at me, what is going on

-

*individual reaction shots for literally everyone being thrown around*

-

*everyone shoots Dagon pointlessly*

-

elizabethrobertajones has anyone talked about how Kelly looked when Dagon came to get her

mittensmorgul Not that I've seen... How did she look?

elizabethrobertajones she has such muted reactions to everything but in this case Dagon walks right up to her and Kelly says nothing but is leaning away reluctantly and then Dagon grabs her hand and pulls her and the shot of her being led off screen is like this defeated school kid who was caught going truant

mittensmorgul She knows she's still being used...

elizabethrobertajones yeah NOW I feel sorry for her because she seems defeated and used and broken

mittensmorgul yeah.

elizabethrobertajones it's just sucky they didn't write her well enough before to build any of that up or like... actually make her look genuinely depressed and unwell

mittensmorgul yep they just made her seem like a flake

elizabethrobertajones that one little defeated kid being taken home moment where Dagon grabs her hand says EVERYTHING but they had like FOUR SCENES together already and I didn't see this!!

-

YES Eileen has the Colt!!!! GO GO EILEEN

-

I guess she shoots british blonde dickhead instead because he was gonna shoot Kelly or something

-

Colt slow mo! It really does slow down the flow of time every time it's shot.

-

Aw, crap, she shot the blonde loser instead but because Dagon did, well, the 1x21 thing, and we got to see how a Colt kills a human (which I ALWAYS wondered, because it can't just make you sort of die normally from gunshot wounds - you have to, you know, DIE of a kill anything gun wound, so messy, quick and awful :P)

Anyway Eileen NOOOO you look so horrified :( I was just saying to Mittens her Cas mirroring piles on and I can't even think what this is, just that she now feels like shit for things which aren't her fault but she has this death on her conscience, and it didn't even happen in defence of anyone, it was just he stood in the way like an idiot and Dagon didn't feel like getting shot today and knew exactly what was happening because Eileen hesitated just long enough to let her disappear.

-

... Does Dean actually know the Colt is in play because UGH we were robbed of that reveal

-

MICK NO

EILEEN IS PRECIOUS AND THIS IS DEFINITELY CROSSING A LINE. YOU LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE

-

I guess the Code IS brainwashing, and this is again a Cas parallel - this would be a crypt scene kind of moment for him except that the cute love story is between Sam and Eileen, and Mick's interloping on that with the brainwashedness and the whole... already killed his puppy because the Headmistress said so flashbacks, so what is random old hunter Eileen to do with anything, but even someone he openly disliked as much as whatsisface was a BMoL and should be defended

honestly he should remember Eileen's being defended by 2 legacies and she herself is a legacy and I think if I remember correctly was raised by a hunter with connections to the Irish chapter?

-

We're crossing over into the final 10 minutes of a Buckleming episode here

-

Sam argues for free will, which is a bit of a turn around when Dean's right there (not that Sam isn't about free will - they ARE Team Free Will after all, but Dean tends to lead the way on this while Sam has a much more interesting relationship with it for other reasons), but hey, it's a Buckleming episode - themes can bounce around pretty wildly and get connected to anyone. :P Sam's been all in the centre of attention and having a lot of big dramatic moments lately. Plus, crypt scene parallel and all, he had to talk the brainwashed person out of killing the one he loves so that at least the romance angle is in there somewhere. It's like, one step removed from the original, but allows Sam to interject himself into the scene, without getting tangled up in crypt scene stuff himself (don't think he's ever really done more than a few cursory I know you're in there moments, back and forth with being the one in there or the one saying it, which were MotW little things and not part of the big narrative, just the supporting mirrors :P).

Of course also parallels the subverted crypt scene, by the crypt scene obsessed director in 12x10, where again Ishim was used as an intermediary to break the back and forth-ing of the crypt scene repeats between Dean and Cas, and didn't need a I know you're in there, but again boiled it down simply to protecting a loved one in a particular framing playing off previous iterations (10x22, which was much more in the formula) - Sam gets this parallel where he can fight for his loved one without it being all twisted up and weird in possession that THEY have to deal with, just the attacker. So it looks nothing like the actual crypt scene, guy in a long tan coat and scruff trying to kill a loved one because brainwashing aside, but is still part of the organic growth of the way this subtext has gone.

-

Aaand Mary took off the ring. Do not want John to see this.

-

Ketch like, wow, I thought I'd just end up killing you. 

Charming. 

Flash some more of your excellent calves at her to make her forget you said that.

(I am personally offended by his calves as I made Mary practically gag over him having pallid calves in said fic where they were married. Dammit DHJ can you stop being amazing because I need to hate every aspect of your character down to his calves and you're like, hi, I'm going to sit in this ridiculous pose now so you can see my calves are indeed the same colour as all the rest of me and not the garish calves of the man who wears a suit all year until you drag him to the beach)

-

Anyway Ketch is like blah blah thanks for giving up your family and throwing yourself into hunting and my bed with no strings attached, isn't this grand, and Mary's like, uh, I like my family and I want to have it all, hunting and family, and Ketch is like wow I just started to like you and now I really have to kill you and oh dear. 

Oh dearie dearie me.

Imminent attempt on her life by Ketch aside, I think Mary has a bit of a misunderstanding about hunting and family - 12x03 was them trying to show her how their life actually was, but she was too messed up to appreciate it and actually needed the space. But it was trying desperately to build a life where Mom comes along on hunts and that's cool because we hunt and Mom hunts and she's here, so... uh, this is what we do now. 

But instead Mary split off from them entirely - 12x06 showed she hunted in secret away from her family in the past, and kept the two completely partitioned - I think something Sam also has issues with although he had been more open to the idea of marrying someone in the life, said in a Robbie episode before the Robbie episode where Eileen showed up and uh hey guess who's here right now... Uh, slightly sidetracked (slightly hit by a massive shipping container that is Sam and Eileen)... But yeah, Mary needs to reconcile that she has a hunting family, that that isn't a bad thing, and the two things can coexist perfectly normally. They don't NEED her to get rid of all the monsters and in a way she's talking to Ketch about two life choices, to hunt and have a family, ignoring the detail that she and Ketch are on an extermination run against all monsters, so eventually there won't BE hunting to define herself by so she won't be able to have it all because one part will be over... and of course, the more she goes on like this, the more precarious it seems for the other part too. Dean's worrying about not hearing from Mary although he's making a bigger fuss about not hearing from Cas. And their arcs are paralleled, though to obviously different ends that Cas is romantically estranged from Dean and Mary's estranged from being his mom.

-

Blah blah Lucifer, he's shirtless, exposition is still happening, Crowley's found himself a hacker to crack the spells on him. he just made it out of this scene but I suppose next Buckleming episode he's queued for untimely death of a black guy.

-

Him leaving and the sounds of the Bunker door overlap nicely.

-

Eileen <3

-

(She hasn't done anything yet, she just looks sad)

-

Sam and Dean agree with me. Dean says nice things, and then Sam gently touches her shoulder (I am officially, like, noped out of these DeanCas parallels I just can't) and turns her around and signs to her and and he's touchign her hairrrrr and aannanodsigrdoh epjddpawhtiwoeugipeow[pe[wkgo[rdf

-

I'm all overcome with emotions about Sam touching her hair all gently and her weeping into his chest and I can't deal with Kelly and Dagon scenes immediately after. Now Kelly really is the scolded child who tried to run away, and Dagon is showing Kelly FINALLY that she only cares about the baby in no uncertain terms (it seemed fairly obvious in their first scene but I guess it just wasn't obvious enough to Kelly, who has the worst case of baby brain ever, which I always thought was a thing where you put the kettle back in the fridge after you made tea or something, not trusting a Prince of Hell with your unborn nephilim baby and your own life)

-

okay now Kelly has a nearly appropriate horror level to what's going on with her baby

-

Oh noes Headmistress has shown up

-

More schoolboys getting scolded

-

Everyone is children

-

But Mick is our inside guy at least. He actually wants to argue against it because he passed a crypt scene test. I still don't know if he's gonna survive but I mean, at least he had this? Sometimes cool characters get an entire backstory right before they get murdered and I can honestly see this ending with Ketch being in the room because he's about to slice Mick's throat, probably with the same dagger he once killed his BFF with back in Kendricks because why not :P

Which means Mick softening up only serves a metaphorical purpose unless he left some inside way for the Winchesters, like idk his bottle of tomato juice and recipe for a Bloody Mary turns out to be the code or something

WHO KNOWS

-

Well me if I ever finished the episode

-

She asks if the hunters obey him, but Mick obeyed them >.>

-

Mick's chest hair is trying to get out of the room before him... 

Dang, sir. I was gonna joke about it during last episode when he was hanging out in the back of the car, but I didn't feel like it was worth mentioning and i now regret that comment not happening completely; it's definitely actually heightening the tension here, with his half-open shirt.

-

Nooooo they can't kill Eileen... Why is she on their shitlist? I mean I know why but this is so unfair

-

MICK IS REBELLING

-

he is so gonna die because he's doing the Naomi Gadreel Metatron redemption moment

especially because they're all symbolic useless deaths; I think Gadreel was the only one who even made any sort of real difference

-

RIP Mick

-

Your scruff will be missed

-

Dean you can not sigh like that about Cas, with the big soulful heaving of shoulders and audibly wet breath and all I mean

someone might think you were in love with him or something, the way you're carrying on

-

Incidentally I thought there was something fishy about it and Mittens confirmed to me it's literally 2 days later and Sam and Dean appear not to have seen each other since shit went down, but Sam was the last person to talk to Eileen and know what she's doing, so I'm guessing Sam and Eileen spent 2 days in Sam's room rearranging the furniture.

I am beyond proud of my boy.

-

HEY Dean gets the Colt. I mean it's almost enough to fill the gap between Sam x Eileen and Dean x Colt and forget Destiel :P

It parallels him and Ketch again (he also had sweet talky words to the Colt, which mirrored back to Dean getting her in 6x18), so I'm starting to feel like he kills Ketch with it? Like, symbolically needing to use it on a human person instead of the monster big bad or something? I know Eileen already accidentally killed a dude with it, but I mean, Dean and Ketch seem to have a reckoning coming, whether Dean knows Ketch and Mary hooked up or not (although, narratively, ends up heaping on weirdass subtext whether he knows or not >.> Dean vs the step father kind of thing)... this would be sort of neat.

-

Poor Mick just laying there.

-

Oh I typed that thing about Dean and Ketch before the Headmistress threw down the files for the Winchesters with Dean's on top, so, yeah. That's their reckoning a'coming.

-

It's 1am and I really have not conclusive thoughts about this except that I am delighted Sam and Eileen hooked up and she fled the country instead of sticking around making me nervous about her getting the hit on her, and Sam did a bad Irish accent earlier because he's like, goofily in love with her, so I guess he might just like, randomly fly to Ireland in the season finale to help her and they get married while they're out there and -

Oh and also whenever Cas comes back Dean narratively has full permission to take him back to his room and not let him out for an entire two days.

[0gasstationcoffee]

So I think it’s fair to say that Exodus has definitely been one of the better episodes of season 2. I wanted to get that out right away because overall, I really liked that episode and it felt very reminiscent of season 1.

Which leads us to the ending scene in Kara’s apartment with Kara and m*n el. There was a lot that I take issue with. Because every ending scene with those two, for the last several episodes, always erases what we’ve learned. The messages of those scenes completely go against what the audience learned that episode and they’re also the reasons I never play the last five minutes when I rewatch. Not that season 2 has many episodes I’d ever want to watch again.

2x11 Martian Chronicles: In the episode, Kara has valid points for not wanting to be with him and she lists them. They’re not compatible, she doesn’t want to date someone like him, etc. And everything she says is true. And at the end of the episode, we have a great Danvers sisters scene where Kara reveals her very real fears about Alex slipping away from her (something we see consistently throughout the episode) and that being the reason she wanted to go all out for Earth birthday (to remind Alex how much fun they have together). Kara’s fear of losing Alex is Kara’s plot the entire episode! And the fucking writers, two seconds after her confession, have Alex try to turn it around and say that the real reason Kara was so focused on her birthday was because she was trying to not focus for her feelings on mon ew? Does that actually make any sense? Because Kara’s sudden confusion about how she really feels does not. In canon, Kara knows what she feels. She knew she liked James and Adam. She knew she did not like Winn in a romantic sense. So having Kara say she’s confused, she doesn’t want to face her feelings for man pain and then being upset when he’s going on a date with someone else? It falls flat and I don’t buy it for a second.

2x12 Luthors: I love this episode. There is no denying at this point that I’m probably in love with Lena Luthor. For many reasons. And yet again, I’m never going to watch those last five minutes because it is just so wildly out of place. Just as every scene with Kara talking to/about m*nel in this episode. The entire episode is Kara defending Lena. Kara trusting Lena. Kara literally fighting for Lena. They are great scenes and it brought back a little bit of that self-assured Kara we love. So having all those scenes of Kara viciously protecting Lena the whole episode and the writers then choosing that same episode to end with Kara saying she does like m*nel and wants to be with him? It’s not only extreme emotional whiplash, it’s completely laughable and honestly this was the worst episode for the writers to have put that scene because after seeing the intensity Kara defended Lena with, Kara saying she wants to be with someone who isn’t the person she spent all episode fighting for is just ridiculous. Frankly, I’m still convinced the writers just had little snippets of karamew dialogue they wanted to use at some point, opened up any episode script, and just cut and paste scenes into random locations because that’s how forced and out of place it was.

2x13 and 2x14: I can group these nauseating episodes because it’s the same thing over and over again isn’t it? Kara asks Mr. Misogyny to do something, he completely disrespects her wishes and does what he wants instead, and the ending scene? Aw, all is forgiven and everything is okay and look at how cute they are?????? *vomits*. They don’t talk about the very real problems in their relationship, the fact that he has no respect for her and what she wants but who cares because his horrifying behavior is still rewarded by getting the girl every time! #relationshipgoals am I right? No.

2x09 and 2x10 could probably have their own discussion too but this is already too long and the more I think about him, the bigger my headache seems to get… I’m sure it’s a coincidence, though.

Which, finally, brings us to 2x15 Exodus.

Again, loved this episode. We’re finally getting back to an actual plot with Cadmus and even got to see more about the Alien Registration. We got a fantastic Danvers sisters scene, amazing Alex and J’onn scenes, some real cute Sanvers, reporter Kara was back, they remembered James existed, m*new was in the background where he fucking belongs (even though he should be off the show completely), Dean Cain and Teri Hatcher were in the same episode though sadly didn’t interact (as were Teri Hatcher and Brenda Strong), and Lena Luthor(!!!<3) was back and holy shit, am I still flailing over those supercorp scenes! So yeah this episode was awesome.

And then came the end scene in Kara’s apartment with Kara and m*nel. Are you sensing a pattern here?

First of all, I wanted it to be Alex at the door. It should have been Alex because those two almost lost each other again in a way that is incredibly similar to Kara almost dying in space after pushing Fort Rozz away from Earth and Alex going into space to bring her back. So yes, it should have been Alex. But I knew it wouldn’t be, not while m*nel is on the show.

The first line I have issue with is ��Supergirl is what I can do. Kara Danvers is who I am.” And before you say anything, yes I know it’s an easter egg. I know it’s a famous quote from The New Adventures of Superman and when you have both Dean Cain and Teri Hatcher in an episode, how can you not have a quote from that show? And for Superman, it’s a great quote. It absolutely works for him because he has two sides that are so different.

It does not work for Supergirl. Because while Supergirl is what she can do, she’s not Kara Danvers. Not really. She is Kara Zor-El, a Kryptonian through and through. Kara Danvers is the persona she took on at 13 years old to make sure no one found out who/what she really was. Both Supergirl and Kara Danvers’ secret identity is Kara Zor-El. So her saying “Kara Danvers is who I am”? It’s false and out of character and the writers should have chosen a better quote but their laziness is not really a surprise anymore.

And now the line that got a lot of people heated: “Maybe being Supergirl and having you is enough” is just ludicrous. And good God, the writers truly outdid themselves here because not only does this sentence completely erase what they just established 10 seconds ago (I agree with Supergirl being what she can do but not who she is) but it goes against everything we’ve learned about Kara since the pilot. The whole first season, she’s trying to balance being Kara Danvers and Supergirl. She doesn’t just want to be Kara Danvers anymore and she doesn’t only want to be Supergirl. She wants both. And it’s difficult and we see her struggle throughout the season with those sides of her life but she keeps on going because to her, it’s so worth it. She gets to help people no matter which identity she’s under and that’s all she’s wanted. So no, her settling for being Supergirl just when she was really starting to make a difference as a reporter is not enough. It’ll never be enough.

And of course, the “having you” part. The only, ONLY person the writers could have ever justified Kara saying this line to (even though it goes against everything we know about Kara) is Alex. Because Alex is her rock, the only reason she ever started to feel like Earth could also be home. The reason she flew into space and nearly blew out her powers trying to stop that spaceship because she would not lose her sister. And before you say anything, even if she had said this line to Lena, I would have obviously been giddy for a few seconds before wincing because it doesn’t matter who Kara says it to when it’s not true. And to do it in this episode? An episode where it was proven once again that Kara and Alex are the heart of the show only for them to have the audacity to downplay Alex’s importance to Kara and have her say that she’ll be okay so long as she has man hell? How dumb do the writers think their audience is?

But the writers are making a habit of belittling all of Kara’s actions in an episode in order to make it all about man hell again. 2x11, 2x12, and 2x15 are some of their stronger episodes this season. But they’re also the ones where the writers are trying to make man hell seem way more important than he actually is in those last scenes. And the writers are so spectacularly failing at that since there is no way such a badly written character can ever be considered important in those great episodes because he’s just not. And they’re choosing to showcase it in episodes where it would be the most obvious. The only thing the writers are doing is weakening a good episode by turning around and making it about monew again.

I truly don’t understand what has happened this season. I don’t understand how the writers are sending one message throughout an episode only to have Kara act like a completely different person around man hell in every ending scene just so they can cancel out that message. I don’t understand why they’re still bothering to call the show Supergirl when they’ve destroyed her character.

TL;DR Do you think Amazon will give me a partial refund on my season pass if I just return the end scenes of every episode or should I just cancel my season pass because every scene worth watching is on youtube?