#// it's been snowing since 3pm

[thanatologie]

if you wondered how the night's going

[flemingology]

“i might hate you, but i couldn’t bare the thought of you spending christmas alone” for leah williamson

christmas confessions ─ leah williamson x reader

part of my christmas series. full masterlist here!

in which: your christmas plans are interrupted by the british weather conditions, leading to some unexpected confessions from your arsenal vice-captain

warnings: none

wc: 3.7k

A snowstorm. Of all things that could go wrong, a snowstorm was the one that seemed to put a hold on your Christmas plans.

Recently having transferred from Lyon to Arsenal, you'd gotten your head down and focussed on your football. Normally, you'd go home every couple weeks just to be back with your family, but with your recent move you wanted to make sure you secured your spot in the starting eleven. You worked relentlessly hard for weeks on end, not allowing yourself a break, and you were proud of yourself. Really, really proud. Your football journey hadn't been the nicest one yet – your academy years littered with injuries and setbacks, you were over the moon to have finally settled in Arsenal's starting eleven. But you were starting to feel the effects of your hard work, and you started feeling like you needed some time away. To be with your friends and family back home.

Finally, though, the winter break arrived. You had wrapped up the final training session of the calendar year a couple days ago, and you were now set to go home. A couple days, just the last week of the year, before you'd go back to England. A short flight, setting to depart at 3pm, arriving at a little before 5. Your parents would pick you up from the airport and you'd go for dinner, have a drink, before all going back to your childhood home and just enjoying each other's company. But that was without taking England's horrendous winter weather into accord.

It had been horrible the whole week. Freezing cold, snow and rain all throughout the week – it had already caused you a bunch of trouble in trying to get to the grounds in time, but you completely forgot that air traffic could also be affected by the weather. So here you were, in Heathrow, staring at the departure screen as flight after flight got cancelled. Not delayed, not moved, cancelled.

Left stranded, you called the first person you always went to when struggling, needing to rant about the situation.

—

Alessia was spending her Wednesday afternoon the same way she had done for the past 2 years since making her move to Arsenal; getting coffee and a pastry with Leah. The two blondes had grown closer since Alessia made the move to London, their friendship no longer held back by the distance between Manchester and the British capital.

It was nice, their little routine. Football training that day or not, they'd find themselves in a different coffee shop every week to try out their blends, or in Leah's case, their hot chocolate or tea. They would talk about anything and everything, catching each other up on whatever hadn't been said yet at the Arsenal training grounds.

The pair were happily chatting away over a coffee and a mint tea as Alessia's ringtone went off. The striker checked the caller ID and excused herself to Leah, answering the call. She knew you were meant to be on your flight right now, so for you to be calling there must be something wrong. "Y/n? Aren't you supposed to be-"

"Less, my flight got cancelled! The weather has gotten too bad in the past couple hours and everything's been cancelled. I've asked whether it can be rescheduled, but there's nothing free anymore this week. The next available flight was January 2nd, which is a joke! I don't know what I'm supposed to do right now, my family have been preparing for me to come over for the past couple days and I don't want to disappoint them. I just, I don't know-"

"Hey, hey, y/n, take a breath, it's okay." Alessia tried to calm you down, sensing your nerves through the phone. She shot Leah a look, who was sporting a confused frown. "The situation is out of your hands, love. You can't do anything about it. I know it sucks." Alessia heard you sigh on the other end of the call, probably feeling quite defeated over the whole situation. "I know you've been looking forward to seeing your family. As soon as everything's cleared again, we'll get you on the first plane to Germany. I promise you that. Football be damned."

You chuckled on the other end of the call, and Alessia was glad you managed to muster up a small smile. "Yeah, I guess. Thanks, Less." "Don't mention it. I'm here for you, you know that. Do you need me to come pick you up from the airport?" Alessia knew you packed quite heavily and it was going to be a chore to get all of your stuff into a taxi. "No, that's fine. I think I'm gonna sit down and have a coffee here, calm down a bit, and then call a cab. I'll be fine."

Alessia reluctantly agreed, only after having you promise that you'd call her if you needed her help, or if anything went wrong. She finished up the phone call a couple moments later and put her phone back into her pocket with a deep sigh. "She's gutted."

Leah cocked her eyebrows and let the silence linger a little longer, taking a sip from her hot chocolate. "You don't have to pretend with me, you know?" Alessia added. Confusion shot across the defender's face at her words. "What do you mean by that?" The younger girl chuckled and shook her head slightly. "Leah, I know why you're distant with her. But you don't have to be that way when she's not around, god she's at Heathrow Airport of all places. You can let your guard down."

Leah took a deep breath and set her cup down, visibly struggling with how to proceed with the conversation. "I don't know, Less. I just feel like if I don't talk about it, it'll go away. I know I'm being unreasonable, but I'm just protecting myself. I don't want to go through all that hassle again. Last time I dated someone in the work field, it didn't work out. I don't wanna put myself through that again."

"Who's talking about dating, Leah? I know you like her. I'm not saying you have to voice that, but you could at least be civil with the girl. She's overthinking it like mad. She asks me all the time whether she did something wrong. And she's nervous about it, seen as you're the vice-captain at Arsenal too. She thinks you don't like her and is scared she's gonna lose her spot on the team because of that. All I'm asking of you is a little human decency, to treat her like you treat other people."

Leah looked down and started fidgeting with the rings around her fingers. "Yeah, I don't know, maybe." Alessia put her hand on Leah's causing the defender to look up. "It's okay. Just don't be a dick, okay? It's not because you don't have one that you have to be one."

—

When you arrived home a couple hours later that day, suitcases still packed in the corner of the living room, sprawled out over your couch, her caller ID was the last one you'd expected to pop up on your screen.

Leah Williamson.

You sighed deeply and rubbed your hands down your face, not feeling like dealing with whatever your Arsenal teammate wanted to scold you about now. She was probably rewatching a game and felt the need to lecture you about all the things you did wrong, and you weren't in the mood for that. You were her defensive partner after all, and you knew damn well she had high standards, not only for herself but also for others, but it was the winter break after all. Tactics be damned.

You let the call run out, breathing a sigh of relief and settled back into the couch, impatiently waiting for sleep to take over to rid you of your foul mood. Not on Leah's watch, though. No more than a couple seconds had passed before you ringtone sounded through the living room again. Wanting to get it over with so you could get some rest, you decided to pick up.

"What's the deal, Williamson? I'd like to enjoy my break, if I'm allowed? You can lecture me all you want when we're back at the club." You knew you were being curt, maybe slightly unreasonable, but your heightened emotions combined with how the defender had treated you ever since you joined Arsenal made you snap.

"Hey, hey, chill, I'm not calling to lecture you, y/n. God, do you think I'm some fucking loser who does nothing but think about football on their break?"

You didn't like the way this conversation was going, despite only having spoken a couple sentences to one another. You sat up and rubbed a hand down the side of your neck, closing your eyes as you slowly inhaled and exhaled – trying to calm yourself.

"Sorry. My mistake. Why are you calling?"

You heard shuffling on the other end of the phone, the rustling of what sounded like a jacket and shoes being taken off. Of course. Coffee with Less. She probably overheard your conversation with her earlier.

"I was just with Less," she started. Bingo. "and I heard about your cancelled flight. I'm sorry, I know you were looking forward to seeing your family."

You weren't quite used to this sentiment coming from Leah, the England captain having barely said a civil word to you ever since you joined her childhood club. It's not like you didn't speak, it's just that she made it seem like a chore every time she had to string a conversation together with you on the receiving end. Short, blunt, curt, sometimes outright disrespectful. You'd learned to accept that not everybody was always going to like you, but the least you'd expect from people was some basic human decency – something you thought Leah lacked sometimes.

You audibly sighed. "Yeah, it's crap. But I'll be fine. Now that you got that over with, what's the real reason?"

You heard a quiet snicker coming from the other end of the call, struggling to see what was so funny about your conversation. "There's no... other reason, y/n. I just wanted to call and check in. You know, defensive partner and all, just calling to make sure you're not drowning in self-pity."

You could hear the smile that tugged at her lips as she spoke out those final couple words. "Well, thanks, I guess? Thanks for checking in. Have a good rest of your night, Leah." You lowered the phone and were about to end the call, wanting nothing more than to fall back in the cosy bundle of pillows and blankets you'd set up for yourself.

"Oi, wait! I wasn't done!" You grumbled something incoherently under your breath before bringing the phone back to your ear. "I'm listening."

"This is gonna sound really weird, I know, but just let me speak. I was wondering if, if maybe you, you know-" A couple moments of silence followed and you were about to speak up, but Leah interrupted those plans. "If, you know, if you were free to come spend Christmas Eve with me?"

You frowned, taking a moment to gather your thoughts. Leah Williamson, Arsenal teammate, who to your best knowledge absolutely despised you, is inviting you for Christmas Eve? A joke.

"Uhm, I guess, well-" You didn't get much further than that before the blonde's voice interrupted you. "Look, I know how it sounds. You're probably thinking I'm just doing this out of pity and sympathy, you know captain things and all that, but that's not it. I don't have plans, yours have been cancelled, let's spend it together."

If you weren't so caught up in your own thoughts, you would've noticed the slight waver in Leah's voice. She was beyond nervous on the other side of the phone. You'd never said this much to each other in such a short space of time, let alone the contents of what was being discussed. You'd never willingly been in the same room. If not for bonding nights, you'd probably never see Leah outside of the Arsenal training grounds.

You didn't get it, though. You'd spent countless nights wracking your brain as to why Leah would treat you like she did. But you blanked every single time. It gnawed on you. You wanted her to respect you, to acknowledge you, to treat you like she treated others. But she made that seem like the worst thing in the world. Unimaginable, even.

"So?" Leah's voice broke up your train of thoughts and you scrambled together a response without really thinking about what you were saying. "Uhm, sure. I guess. Yeah. Just text me the logistics and I'll be there." You didn't really feel like going, but you also didn't want to give Leah more reason to not speak to you. And in all honesty, you wanted the conversation to be over so you could finally get some sleep.

"Oh! Okay! Yeah, okay, that's great. Thanks. Okay. I'll text you. You text me too, okay? I'll see you then."

Your own goodbyes got interrupted by the tone of the call ending, a confused frown etched on your face at how nervous Leah had suddenly seemed. Not wanting to give it much more thought, you turned off your phone's ringer and threw it on the coffee table, finally drowning yourself in a very well-deserved sleep.

—

Tuesday night, December 24th. 5:23pm. Approximately one hour left until you had to be at Leah's. Of all people, Leah's. When you caught Alessia up about the plans the two of you had made, she reacted slightly suspicious. So much so that you thought she had a hand in it, but she quickly reassured you that was not at all the case. Still, she didn't seem surprised. If anything, she thought it was good. An opportunity for the two of you to just start all over again.

You couldn't lie, that sounded good to you too. You wanted to be friends with Leah, but you also wouldn't just forget how she treated you during your first couple months at Arsenal. That's not something you could forgive and forget through a pity invitation to spend Christmas Eve together.

Yet, you found yourself struggling to find something to wear. You wanted to dress nice, but not too nice, because you're just two friends spending the holidays together. Not lovers, not dating, god, probably not even friends. Teammates? Acquaintances, maybe. At best.

You finally settled on a light green dress. It complimented your body just right, accentuating your curves in all the right places but not too tight. You put on some light make-up and finished off your outfit with some accessories. You checked your appearance about twelve times in your full-body mirror in the living room, 'just to be sure', before eventually grabbing your car keys off the kitchen counter and exiting your apartment block. You debated walking to Leah's, it was a 10-minute walk tops, but that felt like putting too much trust in your pencil heels.

3 quick knocks on the door and a couple seconds later, you were met with a version of your defensive counterpart you'd never seen before. She was dressed in a pair of black slack pants, paired with a white button-up shirt. She had left the top two buttons open, offering a perfect view of the delicate golden necklace gracing her tanned skin. Definitely self-tanner, though, because God forbid the United Kingdom gets a sliver of sun anywhere past September – but you spare her the red cheeks by not pointing it out. Her hair was loose, falling graciously on her shoulders, a welcome change from the bun or ponytail she always had it in during training or games.

"Hey," you muttered, once you realized neither of you had said a word since Leah opened her front door. Unbeknownst to you, while you were eyeing her up, Leah also let her eyes glide over your figure, taking in your appearance. She thought you looked good. Really good. Too good for her own good. That good that she'd probably struggle to not mention it every 5 minutes, when conversation obviously dies down for the 30th time that evening. Because what does she talk about for hours with someone she always pretended to dislike?

Turns out, there's a lot to talk about. Uncomfortable silences? You two don't know those. And while it's been good, it's been comfortable and easy, you still felt quite apprehensive about the whole ordeal. And you could tell by Leah's body language that she was feeling similar to you. Conversation had been flowing easily, but it felt like you were just scratching the surface. Like there was something underneath that needed to be addressed, but neither of you felt like digging deep enough to be able to bring it up. If anything, you thought, that's Leah's job. After all, she was the one to invite you to spend Christmas Eve together after she spent months making you feel like she despised you.

And that's what she did. Eventually. After lots of coaxing and promises that you wouldn't be mad and you understood – you were quite mad and you definitely didn't understand – Leah finally mustered up the courage to talk to you about the past months.

She opened up about everything. How she'd been excited when she learned about your move to the club, at first. But when you came to visit the training grounds on your first day, that sentiment completely changed. Leah had always found you quite attractive, but that wasn't something that had to be dealt with seen as you were across the North Sea and not someone she had to deal with in her day-to-day life. So, even though nothing had been explored between the two of you, not even a single conversation strung together, she already started closing herself off.

She told you about how she kicked herself for it day after day, that she realized damn well how bad she was treating you. She knew that you didn't know where it came from, and that hurt her even more. She didn't want to hurt you, didn't want to treat you any less good than she did with the rest of her teammates, but she just couldn't let her guard down around you. Not with the way you looked, the way you carried yourself on and off the pitch, the way you worked so tirelessly to be the best version of yourself day after day after day. She admired you, really. But she didn't allow herself to feel that. To acknowledge that. To acknowledge you.

"I know it sounds stupid. Trust me, I know. You don't know how many nights I've laid awake just thinking about how poorly I was treating you. But I just couldn't bring myself to not do it. Because that would mean I'd eventually snap and just... tell you everything I've just told you."

You slowly nodded, not trusting your voice just yet after having just been quiet for what has been the best part of 20 minutes. You let her come to you, let her talk until she felt like she said it all, because you knew if you interrupted her she'd maybe forget things.

"And, for the record, I don't want anything in return from you. God, no, I just thought you deserved to know. And no, I didn't invite you out of pity tonight. I just saw an opportunity open up when I learned about your cancelled flight and I knew I had to take it. I couldn't let it go any longer and I needed to tell you. So hence, the invitation. I just hope I didn't ruin the rest of our night now, by confessing all of this."

You chuckled, slightly shaking your head before repositioning yourself a little on Leah's couch. You ran a hand through your hair and breathed out a shaky exhale, locking eyes with Leah as you looked back up at her.

"You're ridiculous, Leah. Honestly, I get it, I think, but treating me like that for this reason, is ridiculous. And I know you know it, but that doesn't mean that I can't tell you too, because-" Leah tried to interrupt you, probably to apologize again, but you held up your hand to signal that you weren't done speaking yet.

"Because, you made me feel like shit, Le. You made me feel like I wasn't worthy of that starting spot at Arsenal, despite knowing damn well that I was doing good in our backline. You made me feel like I didn't belong in the squad, like I did something wrong, like I did something to upset you. It was so conflicting, and it stressed me out. Real bad. It's not a nice feeling when your vice-captain doesn't like you. Or, rather, when you feel like your vice-captain doesn't like you. I know now that that wasn't the case, but that doesn't fix your case."

Leah looked down, fidgeting with her ring-clad fingers. You continued. "Look, Leah, it sucked. But now at least I know what was behind it. And I don't wanna keep being mad at you. Because truthfully, I want to be closer to you, closer with you. I wanna be treated like you treat other people, okay? We can explore whatever needs to be explored later, but first I just want us to be civil with each other."

The blonde defender looked up at you, hastily nodding when she realized you were waiting for some kind of response. "Yeah, yeah, god, yeah, that would be nice." She slightly stumbled over her words, trying to form coherent thoughts in a mind that was running at a 100 miles an hour. You scooted a little closer to her, closing a bit of the space that was between the both of you on the couch and slowly moved your hand closer to hers, that was laying dormant in her lap.

You searched her eyes for any uncertainty, concern, and then softly laid your hand on top of hers, giving it a slight squeeze. "Thank you for opening up," you said softly. "It means a lot to me. I know how you are with feelings." Leah twisted her hand and intertwined your fingers. "Thank you for listening. And thank you for giving me another chance. I promise I'll be better. Better for you."

"I know you will."

[horny4hetfield]

Snow Way to Escape

I originally posted this a while ago, but I think I screwed it up. So, here's a re-write that has become the prologue to several other fics that are in the wings. I hope you enjoy it!!

Warnings:  Angst, Sex Suggested

Why did I ever fall for this man?!  Is he talented?  Yes.  Is he good looking?  Damn yes.  Is he great in bed?  Fuck yes.  Is he being a dick?  All holy hells yes.  Has been since he got home from the road.  Am I regretting moving to his place in Colorado?  Right now.  Yes.  His last dig at me has me packing my carry on and putting my computer into my backpack while wiping away the tears I swore I wouldn’t shed.  I can walk away from everything I can’t fit into these two bags.  I looked over at the smart home device for the time.  It’s 3pm.  The notification bar was flashing yellow.  “Computer, what’s the notification?”  The robotic voice responds, “For the Vail Colorado area, the National Weather Service has issued the following weather warning.  A severe winter storm is forecast to begin snowing heavily at 2pm local time with heavy snow levels accumulating to 3 to 4 feet, drifting 6 to 8 feet.”  The rest of the warning went unheard as I grabbed my two bags, the note I’d written, and ran to the front door.  I dropped the bags on the floor, still clutching the note, as I saw my plans end.  Opening the front door I slowly walk outside into the dark, the snow had already been falling.  Big fat fluffy flakes so thick I could barely see the light at the end of the driveway.  Looking over to the garage door, “No, no no no, no!”  The drift was already a good 2 feet tall.  For a split second I thought about taking his damned truck.  It would easily clear that drift.

“What the hell are you doing?” James yelled from the open front door, looking between me and the bags on the floor.

Taking one last glance at the pile of snow blocking the garage door, I turn back to the house, “Well, I was going to leave you.”  I slapped my note into his chest.  Pushing past him, I collected my bags and slowly made my way back to the room that I had claimed as my own a week before.

“What the fuck!?” James yelled just before slamming the front door closed.

I kept walking dejectedly.  Making it back to the room, I tossed the backpack onto the bed and just stood there clutching the carry on.  I could hear James come storming down the stairs.  “What the fuck?  You are leaving me?”  I turned.  His usually glacier blue eyes now a threatening dark blue filled with rage.

“Well, mother nature said no” as I motioned to the now very dark window.  “Not tonight anyway.”

I heard the paper flutter to the floor.  “Why?”  The pain in his voice was natural, not forced.  It pinched my heart.

I turned to him but couldn’t look him in the eye.  “What was the one thing I asked of you when we started dating?”  He just stood there.  Then I did look at his face.  He was obviously thinking.  “I asked you to not compare me to the exes.”  He nodded slowly.  “I am not them and the exes are not me” I raged at him.  The rage fading from his eyes.  “But ever since you got home from the tour, you have been … well …”

“A dick” he finished my sentence.

“Yes” I snapped.  I put the carryon I was still holding on the bed.  “You have done nothing but compare me to them for months.”  I turned back to him, “The final straw was when you started counting your cash.”  His eyebrows knitted together.  “Every night before you go to bed, you count the cash in your pocket, put it in your wallet which you put on your nightstand.  Then in the morning after you shower and get dressed, you count it again.”  His fingers twitched as he processed what I said.  “I don’t need your money.”  He just looked at me.  “I have my own career and my own bank account.”  He continued to stare at me.  “I could have taken your damned $90 thousand dollar truck and left you the Shelby that I paid $125 thousand for.”  He cocked his head but didn’t ask.  I answered anyway.  “Taking your truck I would have gotten pulled over by your state trooper friends in a heartbeat.  That would be a felony.  And you would have no say if I got arrested or not.”  I turned away from him shaking slightly.  “Right now, you are not worth a felony on my record.”  I moved to the desk and sank into the chair.

He looked around the room.  The realization hit him, “When did your stuff get down here?”

I huffed a smile, “James, I moved down here a week ago.”  He looked at me.  “You didn’t notice that I wasn’t sleeping in your bed?”

His hands kinda flapped uselessly, “I thought you were coming to bed after me and getting up before…”

“Thanks for noticing” I said sorta like Eeyore.

His eyebrows knitted together again, “But the sheets got changed.”

“Yes they did” I just looked up at him.

“And the kitchen … the dishes … the laundry …”

“The grocery shopping, collecting the mail, dusting” I looked down at my hands. 

“Why?”

“Who else was gonna do it?” I dug back at him.  “It’s not like you’d do any of those things.”  He huffed a moment but didn’t say anything.  “I wanted to hire a cleaning team, but you went almost mental on me about that.”

“I don’t want someone just rummaging through my shit” he flared.

“I understand that” I tried to stay calm.  “But there are teams that specialize in people of your status.  Plus” I pointed to the monitors on the desk, “I have a job!  One that I enjoy!” my temper trying to flare.  I leaned my elbows on the desk rubbing my eyes. 

He was quiet for a minute.  “Look, this storm is going to blow for a couple of days” he said trying to stay calm.  “Let’s get some sleep.”  I just nodded.  He stepped backwards out of the room collecting the note from the floor, “We can talk in the morning.”  He softly closed the door.

I looked at the closed door.  His cologne lingered.  More than just his cologne.  Him.  The tears started to fall.  I let them.  Sniffling, I decided to take a soak in the tub.  Starting the water, I dumped in some salts from the cupboard, then sank into the hot water.  I mulled over the past 8 months.  The good, the bad.  More tears.  When the water turned cool, I got out, drained the tub and climbed into the bed.  The heat from the soak worked a charm and I was asleep in minutes.

I woke up still wrapped in the towel from the tub soak.  I slipped out of the bed, pulling on jammies and a robe.  I opened the bedroom door.  I could hear that James was in his studio.  It was a super crunchy riff floating through the house.  Smiling to myself, I went into the kitchen.  Pulling out what I needed to make a breakfast sandwich, I looked at the items on the counter.  It’s just as easy to make three as just one.  I left two on a plate in the fridge covered with a paper towel, with “Zap for 30 seconds” written on it.  I left another note on the counter, “Breakfast in fridge.”  Collecting my sandwich, a granola bar and a couple cans of Severed Lime from the fridge, I returned to my room.  Pulling my computer out of my backpack, I logged into work.

My chat window opened:

Boss:  You make the flight?

Me: No.  Got snowed in.

Boss:  You ok?

Me:  Meh

Boss:  Wanna talk?

Me:  Not right now.

Me:  I’m going Marinas Trench.  I need to get the last three chapters done.  They’re late.

Boss:  Understood.  Don’t worry about being late.  I’ll put in a good word for ya!

Me:  Thanks.

I clicked on the Out of Office option.  Then opened the files I needed from the New York servers and ate my sandwich waiting for the computers to synch.  Once done, I launched into where I’d left off.

I had no idea how long I’d been working until there was a soft knock on the door.  “Hey?” came James’ voice.

I turned to the door, “Yeah?”

“May I come in?”

Stretching, “Yeah.”

James came in and leaned against the wall.  “You sleep ok?”

Uncurling my legs from the chair, “Yes, thank you.”  Looking over at him.  “You?”

“Yeah, ok” he said.  He looked like shit.

I cocked a smile at him, “Liar.”

He huffed a laugh, “I don’t think I slept at all.”  He scrubbed his fingers through his silvered hair.  “Thanks for the breakfast sandwiches.”

I nodded, “You’re welcome.”  He kept trying to look at my computer monitors.  “What are you doing?”

“I guess I don’t know exactly what your job is.”

Patting the end of the bed, “Sit” I said.  He sat and leaned forward.  “I’m an editor.”  I rotated back to face the monitors.  “This screen is the book I’m working on” pointing to the monitor on the right.  “This screen” motioning to the one on my left, “are my notes.  The laptop in the middle just keeps me awake.”  I paused the cheesy disaster movie.

“Why the notes?” his curiosity was genuine.

“Well .. here” I pointed to a block of text highlighted on the right screen.  “The author has brought in a new character that has no backstory.  If this character was just in this paragraph it wouldn’t matter, but it shows up several more times.”  Pointing to the text on the left monitor with matching highlighting, “These are my notes back to the author asking about a backstory for this character.” 

James shifted to my left so see the screen.  “And how many notes does this author have from you?”

“On this book” I looked to the page count in the lower left corner of the window, “92.”

“Really?” he seemed shocked.

Stretching out my back, “Yeah, this guy tends to get lost in his own words.  So, I have to try to get him back out of the woods.”  I turned back towards James.  “You have never asked about my job before.  Why now?”

He sat back and looked at me.  “Because your note is correct.”  He rubbed his hands nervously on his thighs, “I haven’t taken any interest in you … outside of the bedroom.”

I heaved a sigh, “I probably should have edited my own writing.”

“No” his eyes popped up to my face.  “No.  You were right.  You were probably pissed as hell when you wrote that note.”  He ran his hands through his hair – which he did when he was nervous.  “But every word was true.  I have treated you like a whore.  I have compared you to the exes.  I have not discovered you … about you.”  His shoulders slumped some.  “I am sorry.”

That hit my heart.  Hard.  I rested my fingers on his knees.  “James.  I can accept your apology.”  His glacier blue eyes found mine.  “I can see that you mean it.”  Those gloriously blue pools now filled with doubt.  “But you will have to work on the forgiveness.”  I withdrew my fingers from his knees slowly.

Nodding, “I completely understand.”  His smile slightly lopsided.  “Will you please give me the chance to earn that forgiveness?”

I watched him a moment.  Then, smiling back at him, “Yes” I said softly.  His eyes brightened along with his smile as he stood.  “By the way” I looked up at him – damn but he’s tall.  “I really liked that crunch you had going this morning.  It sounded amazing!”

Incredibly, his eyes lit up even more, “You really liked that?”

“Yes” I smiled up at him.

“Thanks.”  He fidgeted.  “Uhmm, what would you like for dinner?”

“What time is it?” I asked looking at my computer screen.

“It’s like 3pm.  But since you made breakfast, I thought I’d make dinner.”

Nodding at him, “I will leave that to the chef.”

Nodding as he moved towards the door, “You like your steak …?”

Smiling at him, “Medium Rare.”  He closed the door with a grin.  My head was laughing Of course it would be steak!  My laptop pinged.

Boss:  Surface to Marianas Trench…. (I love my boss!)

Me:  evening.

Boss:  How’s it going?

Me:  Half way through last chapter.

Boss:  And the other thing…..?

Me:  Perhaps there is a chance here.

Boss:  ????

Me:  He just invited me to dinner.

Boss:  I thought it was snowing there still.

I took a picture out the window of the thickly falling snow and attached it to the chat.

Boss:  So?

Me:  He’s making me a steak.

Boss:  Ahh.  Well, then you need to go get ready!

Me:  Right after I finish this chapter.  Then I’m all caught up on this book.

Boss:  Fine. 

Boss:  Hope it goes well!

Me:  Thanks!

I finished the last chapter fairly quickly since it was not a complete chapter.  Saving both files to the servers and sending the links to the author – with the boss cc’d on that email – I closed down my computer.  Standing up and stretching, I moved to the bathroom.  I decided to take a shower and wash my hair.  If James was going to put in the effort to change, so could I.  No more being a slob.  I sat on the bed drying my hair when there was a tap on the door.  I popped up and grabbed the robe.  “Yes?”  No answer.  I opened the door.  There hanging on the light fixture in the hallway was a garment bag.  A postit note stuck to it.  Dinner at 6pm.   Smiling, I collected the bag and closed the door.  Laying the bag on the bed I opened it.  I only got about 6 inches open when I gasped.  Inside was a dark green velvet gown with beaded trim around the scoop neckline.  It was the dress I’d told him about.  I’d even made him watch the movie.  James had had it made.  He’d threatened to have it made for me to wear to the next awards show.  But I never thought he’d do it.  That was just a month or so after we’d started dating.  I looked at the clock.  5pm.  I had time.  I went back into the bathroom and did some tidying up.  Did my makeup and pinned up the hair.  I knew that he loved my long hair, but this gown … the hair had to be up.  Going back to the bed, I pulled the gown from the bag.  I slipped into it.  With the plunging back to just above my ass, I was completely commando beneath it.  I went to move the garment bag and it felt heavy.  Patting it down, I discovered a pair of heels.  They glittered with the same rhinestones as the trim.  Just as I slipped them on, there was a single tap at the door.  I opened the door.  The hallway was empty.  But there was a pink post it note on the floor.  Squatting down – if I’d bent over the gown would have slipped off me – I picked it up.  There was a doodle on it.  I couldn’t figure it out.  But looking up the hallway was another post it.  Another doodle.  As I walked to the stairs, there were more postit notes.  Each with a doodle.  I climbed the stairs and turned into the living room.  There stood James.  In his Brioni tux.  The sight took my breath.  Damn!  He looked good!  And he was holding another postit note, a crooked smile on his face.  He held it out to me.  The doodle on this one was a rose.

“Oh!”  I held out the ones I’d collected, “These are rose petals!”

Blushing, “Yeah, I couldn’t go get a real rose, so I improvised.”

I gently collected the one he held, “It’s lovely.”  I looked up into his eyes, “Thank you.”

James held out his hand to me – which I took – and he slowly spun me.  “I should have given this to you ages ago.”  He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it.  “You look stunning.”  I just blushed.  James tucked my hand into his elbow and gently led me down the hallway away from the kitchen and into the formal dining room.  He’d set the table.  There were candles on it and two place settings.  He pulled out the chair for me and scooched it in when I sat.  “The staff seems to have not reported to work this evening, so I will have to substitute” he said in a really bad French accent.  I giggled.  His eyes lit up.  “I shall return madam.”  I giggled even more.  James disappeared into the kitchen.  I put the pile of post it note petals on the table.  He returned with two plates.  Each bore a steak, a pile of green beans and a large slice of bread smothered in butter.  I smiled.  He was trying.  I cut into the steak and took a bite.

“How is it?” James asked.

Swallowing, “Perfection” I said.  He dug into his own.  I took a bite of the green beans.  A couple were still pretty frosty.  I didn’t say a word, but just smiled.  The bread was a garlic sourdough that I loved.  The butter was a bit much, but again, I wasn’t going to complain.  James had obviously put some thought into making dinner and I wasn’t going to ruin it.  I’d had worse meals. 

“The weather is forecasting that this snow will last another 48 hours or so” James said.

The weather.  A safe place to start.  “I haven’t listened to the weather or news today.”

“Did you get your book done?” James leaned towards me.

“I did.”

“How many do you edit?” his blue eyes clear and piercing.

“Uhm.  I have about 20 items in the wings to work on.”  I took a sip of the Squeezed to Death Orange in my glass.  He’d used champagne flutes for the sparkling water.

“Why so many?” James looked at me with raised eyebrows.

“Some are just articles.”  I put my fork down, “It all depends on release dates.  The one I worked on today is supposed to release after the New Year.  The others have release dates after that one.”

“It has nothing to do with whom the author is?”

Pushing my plate away and leaning on the table, “Sometimes.  All depends on the author and release dates.”  I looked at him.  He was genuinely interested.  “If it’s big wig author and the release date is close, then that file gets bumped to the top of the pile.”

“Who is the biggest author you have edited?”  His smile was slightly crooked.

“I don’t get the Mitchell’s or the King’s”  I grinned.

“Why not?”

“My boss says that I’m too brutal with my notes” I slow blinked him.

James sat up.  “Yeah, you can be.”  He used his napkin on his lips.  “But perhaps they need those brutal notes.”  He smiled at me.  “As a recipient, I can attest that it kicked my ass into changing how I think.”  He held out a hand to me.  I laid my fingers into it.  “And I thank you.”  I didn’t know what to say.  He simply laid his other hand over my fingers and smiled at me.  Then he popped up, “Dessert” he said collecting our plates.  I squirmed in my seat.  My thoughts ranging all over the place.  He had totally messed me up.  Again.  Just like he had when we’d met.  He returned with two small plates.  Piled creatively on each were four sandwich cookies held in place with cake frosting and topped with whipped cream.  He set them down with great flourish, “Tah dah!”

Trying my best to not snort out a laugh, “I’m sure that the patisserie chef labored all day to create these delicacies.”  James did snort out a laugh.  Which made me burst out in laughter.  I picked up one of the cookies and happily munched it.  James retook his seat and tucked into his plate.  “Seriously, these turned out pretty good” I said licking whipped cream from my fingers.

“The frosting isn’t too much?” James asked seriously.

“No.  It’s just the right amount” I said scooping the last bit up on my finger.

James grabbed my hand and gently sucked the frosting from my finger.  I didn’t retract my hand but did go a little stiff.  He kissed the back of my hand before pushing it back tenderly towards my body, smiling at me.  “I’m sorry” he said kindly.  “Just a little too soon.”

Looking down at my now empty dessert plate, “Maybe not” I said softly.  I knew he couldn’t see it, but my thighs squeezed together tightly.

“Perhaps I should escort the lady back to her room” he said looking down at his plate, “before I make a compete fool of myself.  Again.”  He smiled at me as he stood, offering me his hand.

I took his offered hand, collected the postit notes and stood.  He tenderly tucked my hand into his elbow and walked me back to the room I’d claimed as mine.  I turned at the door, “That was lovely James.”  I again slow blinked him, “Thank you.”  I wiggled his bow tie, then let my hand rest on his chest, “You look very handsome in this suit.”

He gently cupped my face and kissed my forehead.  “Thank you” he said softly.  His hands gently ran down my shoulders then arms to my hands, “I can’t wait to see you in this gown again.”  He lifted both my hands to his lips and kissed them.  “Good night.”  He took several steps backwards before turning.  I turned and opened the bedroom door.  I put the post it rose petals on the desk.  I kicked off the heels and then shrugged and let the gown slip off.  I stood there naked.  My desires wanted to race up to his room and let him have his way with me.  My integrity said no.  My curiosity wanted to know what James would do next.  Hanging the gown up, I decided another soak was in order.  I unpacked my waterproof vibrator on the way into the bathroom.

I was sound asleep.  I felt his hand on my shoulder, “Kira” he said softly.  He shook me slightly, “Kira, wake up.”  I opened my eyes to find James standing by the bed holding my robe.  “There’s something I want to show you.”  I fumbled out of the bed.  James helped me into the robe and then tucked me into his side, his left arm draping from my right shoulder down to my waist on the left side.  Wearing a huge coat and scarf, he guided me to the big sliding doors to the upper patio.  “Here, put these on.”  He guided my feet into a pair of fuzzy boots, then put on his own mukluks.  He opened the door and led me outside.  It was bitterly cold, trying to suck the air from my lungs.  James lifted the collar of the robe to cover my mouth, “Here this will help.”  It did make breathing easier.  I looked up and he had the scarf wrapped around his own mouth.  He opened his coat and his arms gently held my back close to his chest.  Then he pointed.  I followed his finger.

The clouds had parted and the sky was filled with stars.  The landscape was a blanket of white snow as far as I could see. The bitterly cold temperatures had crystalized the top of the snow.  The moon was rising.  It was reflecting on the frozen crystals making them glitter.  It looked like diamonds had been scattered over the ground.  “Here it comes!” he whispered excitedly into my ear, his breath warming my ear and neck.  I shivered.  My nipples hardened painfully.  Then the Aurora flared into life.  An undulating ribbon of greens, blues and purples danced into the sky.  I gasped.  The frozen snow below reflected the colors of the Aurora.  James wrapped his arms around me, one around my shoulders the other around my waist.  I leaned back into his warmth watching the magic of nature unfold in front of me.  I have no idea how long we stood there speechless at the beauty.  As quickly as it started, it ended.  “Wow” was all James said.

I leaned back into him, looking up at his chin, “Thank you for waking me.”  He hugged me tighter.  “That was stunning.”

His hands patted my body, “I am glad I shared it with you.”  He nodded towards the distant pass “And here comes the next round of snow.”  The clouds looked black and nasty in the now darkened sky since the Aurora had faded.

James kissed the top of my head.  “Now, you are shivering.  Let’s get back inside.”  He rotated us, his arms still wrapped around me.  We walked – a little awkwardly – back into the house, closing the big glass door behind him.  We both kicked off our boots.  He backed us into the sofa, pulling me down into his lap.  He reached over and pulled up a blanket.  He wrapped it around us.  I curled up into his arms shivering, my head resting on his chest.  His fingers gently stroked my hair.  Sleep reached up and grabbed me.

I woke up on the sofa with the blankets tucked in around me still wrapped up in my robe.  I could hear James in the kitchen.  I sat up.  “Morning sleepy head!” he chimed cheerily.  “Coffee?”  All I could do was nod.  He brought over my favorite mug filled with coffee.  I took a sip.  It was super sweet.  “Too much sugar?”  I nodded.  He went to pull the mug from my hands but I wouldn’t let it go. 

Instead I took a couple of huge slugs from it, “Now, just put more coffee into it and it will be fine.”  James went to the kitchen and grabbed the coffee pot bringing it back to me.  He filled my mug.  I swirled the mug and took a drink.  Smiling, “Yum” I beamed.  I looked out the window.  More snow had fallen over night.  The sky was still filled with grey snow clouds, but not snowing.  At the moment.

James collected his mug and sank into the sofa with me.  He flipped on the TV and tuned in the local news.  There were the stories about roofs collapsing under the weight of the snow, power lines down, cars sliding off the roads – one accident ending in a death.  “I’m glad you were smart enough to not drive that night” James whispered to me.

“Me too.”

I looked into his eyes.  The passion I saw there made my knees weak.  I reached up and wrapped my fingers around his head, pulling him to me.  I kissed him gently.  His eyes widened.  He cupped my head and kissed me back just as tenderly.  “So how are we going to spend the next day or so?” I asked teasingly.

James tightened his arm around my waist pinning me to his body, “I can think of a way” he rubbed his hands on my hips, “or two.”  He gently pushed me back, “Only if you want to.” 

I could tell that although his voice was joking, his eyes said that he’d changed.  I was no longer just a fuck buddy.  I was a woman that he wanted to spend time with.  In more ways than one.

“I’d like that” I purred.  “Just remember, you are still working on my forgiveness.”

He showered kisses all over my face, slowly pulling me towards his bedroom, “I know a way to start working on that” he growls softly at me. 

I just smiled and willingly let him lead me.

[astarionass]

it is. going to be a long day

i woke up at around 3am after falling asleep somewhere around 10pm, and have been up since (its 9am)

i have an appointment at 10 to get my car looked at (wipers arent working and its gunna rain today and snow tomorrow) and i have work today from 3pm to goddamn MIDNIGHT also. ugh

[thevelria]

Blood and Poker - Don't worry, I'll be gentle (NSFW/mafia!Gojo x pokerplayer!fem!reader)

Author's note: this is the 2nd part of this story. I did a collab with my lovely friend @randompurr She drew all the amazing fanarts for this story. Please check her account and give her all the love, because she deserves the world! <3

wordcount:5.9K

DO NOT copy and repost her art without giving credit! Reblogs, comments and likes are much appreciated.

Warnings: MDNI/ 18+ ONLY!/detailed, heavy smut, injuries, blood, violence, murder. Mention of guns and illegal business. It's a mafia AU after all lol

I also would like to thank my lovely ladies @ladycheesington and @m-jelly for helping me with ideas and proofreading <3

The doorbell rang at 7 sharp. Just as he said earlier on the phone. You were ready to go. The fact you spent almost your whole day trying to find what to wear was something you kept as a secret.

Earlier that day:

After Gojo hung up the phone you rolled on your back and faced the ceiling. Slightly you frowned as you kept trying to figure out how he knew your address. You made up your mind that you were going to ask him as soon as he arrived. On the other hand you felt funny. A weird feeling spread in your body. You were excited. The man was so charming and smooth last night. His look was mesmerizing, handsome face, toned body and those beautiful blues.

You swung your legs across the bed and sat right at the edge before you hopped down. Big yawns and a good stretch helped you feel more awake. Since last night you arrived home really late you slept almost until 3pm. If Satoru didn’t wake you with his call you would have slept even further. It meant you had like four hours to get ready for the date. Spending two hours in the bathroom made you feel anxious, because you already knew even if you were clean, your makeup and hair was perfect, you had no idea what to wear. A loud sigh in front of the wardrobe signaled the beginning of the game.

“Meh…” you threw away your green dress.

“Nope, not this one.” the blue lace dress landed on the floor.

This went on and on and on. You sat down at the edge of the bed and clenched your jaw.

“I hate this, I hate this, I hate this so damn much!” you shook your head, before looking up and noticing THE dress.

A sweet looking dirty-white spring dress with cute little cherries. You loved the puffy sleeves, the tight waist part and the mid-thigh long skirt. Oh and the cleavage, it was your favorite part. It cupped your boobs perfectly and formed into a big bow. You chose your burgundy heels which perfectly suited your lovely dress.

***

Gojo was drumming his fingers on the wheel in his car. He parked in front of your home but he arrived almost 20 minutes early. A bouquet of roses rested on the seat next to him. It was getting dark, even the street lighting was turned up . He frowned at the sudden bright light and looked at his way too expensive watch on his wrist. 3 minutes to go.

“Okay…” he took a deep breath. “Let’s get this girl.” he smirked as he got out of his black 1967 Chevy Impala. It’s been years since he dated anyone. Mostly he was busy with building his empire and even if people assumed him to be a womanizer he preferred love. Gojo loved being in love. The feeling of having a partner, protecting, caring and spoiling her rotten. That’s what made his heart beat faster and not the women who threw themselves at him for money and some rounds in bed.

Confident steps he took towards your door. “Fuck, the flowers…” he slapped his palm against his forehead and rushed back to the car. At 7pm he rang the doorbell, fixing his outfit afterwards. He clenched his jaw slightly. The man was nervous, because he wanted to fascinate you way too much.

“Good evening.” Satoru greeted you with his most charming smile. Your eyes widened and you truly had to try your best not to drool. The snow white hair was slicked back, his deep red button up shirt followed his toned torso. The top two buttons were left open, slightly revealing his collarbone and the rolled up sleeves let you adore his strong forearms. Ebony pants with shiny boots made his look simply perfect.

“Hey, uhm…hey.” you cleared your throat, trying to hide the fact you were staring.

“You look absolutely ravishing, darling.” he eyed you up shamelessly. “Shall we go?” he was about to offer his arm when he realized he didn’t give you the flowers. “Fuck, I’m such an idiot.” he thought to himself. “I..I brought this for you.” he lifted up the bouquet and chuckled awkwardly.

“Thank you, Satoru. They look lovely. Give me a sec, I’ll put them into water. Wanna come in until I handle it?” you spun on your heels and just realized a second after you already invited him in. Hearing him politely refusing it made you even more anxious. “Now he thinks I wanna hump him. I’m such an idiot.” you imaginary facepalmed yourself as you picked a vase and let the flowers sink in it.

The leather seat softly sunk under your weight as you got into the car. “You have a really nice car.” you smiled as you carefully ran your index and middle finger over the glove compartment.

“Thank you.” his husky voice sent shivers down your spine. He was wealthy and had taste for sure. But still you felt like he was so much more than a simple business man. “I am flattered you actually accepted my invitation. I felt the spark between us last night and I hoped you would say yes.”

“Spark?” you smirked. “We will see about that spark.” you chuckled, while inside you screamed. Because, girl, you felt it just like he described.

One of the fanciest restaurants that just opened a few months ago was the place he took you. The staff seemed so professional, precise and kind. The inside of the building left you speechless. Huge chandeliers hung from the ceiling, beige furniture, black tables with matching chairs made the vibe luxurious. “This way, please.” a nice looking waiter stepped next to you. You missed the quick glance he gave to Gojo. High stairs guided you up until the top of the building. An even wilder space unfolded with the same style as downstairs but with a beautiful balcony attached. You gasped and snapped your head to your date. He gave you a warm smile as he followed you to the balcony where your waiter escorted the both of you.

“Your table, bo…, I mean, sir.” he let out an awkward chuckle. “Please call me when you are ready to order. I’ll be right back with some special welcome drink.”

You made an amused expression, you were truly mesmerized by the situation.

“I assume you like this place.” Gojo smirked as he pulled the chair out for you.

“It’s wonderful.” you took a deep breath as you admired the sight. “I mean look at this.” you pointed at the city that glowed in front of you with all its glory. Buildings and skyscrapers towered into the high, tiny little cars run on the roads as if they were ants in a hive.

You zoned out for a few seconds, having flashbacks from your past months and you hummed a laugh spontaneously.

“Everything’s okay, sweetheart?” Satoru’s raspy voice snapped you back to reality.

“Sure. Yeah, sure. I was just thinking…” you tried to find the right words. “It’s just beautiful and I like it here. It’s perfect.” Your warm, honest smile melted his heart.

“I’m glad.” he placed his hand on the table.

Obviously he was about to reach for your hand but he hesitated just yet. When he was sure the right time appeared he was about to touch the back of your hand.

“Your drinks.” the lovely waiter interrupted the perfect moment. Gojo flashed a deadly stare at him which made him uneasy in an instant. “I, I hope you’ll like it." He hurriedly placed two glasses and a bucket filled with ice and a bottle of champagne on the table.

“Thank you, you can leave now.” the snow white haired man waved at the waiter who nodded and spun on his heels right away. “I’ve heard this champagne is one of the best in town.” he reached for the bottle and palmed the cork, gently twisting it left and right until a solid popping sound was heard. “Let me pour you some.” he grabbed your glass, while a delicate fog escaped the cool drink.

“It tastes like heaven.” you licked your bottom lip after taking a small sip.

You frowned while checking the menu. So many fancy dishes to choose from and to be honest you have never been to a place like this. You felt a bit anxious and Gojo sensed it.

“You can pick anything you want, don’t worry about the price.” he winked at you.

“That’s sweet of you but it’s not the source of my struggling to be honest.”

“What’s wrong then?” he frowned.“Uhm…” you cleared your throat.

“I have no idea what these dishes are. Fancy names with fancy descriptions and yet I have no clue what they mean.” you bit your inner cheek, embarrassed.

“Oh, sweety.” he laughed. “Let me pick for you then, yeah? Do you like fish or would you like to eat some meat?”

“Fish is perfect.” you nodded. “I do like fish.”

“Alright.” he snapped and your waiter rushed to the table in a heartbeat.Gojo made the order so smoothly you were amused.

In the meantime as you were waiting for your food he tried his luck once again and this time he succeeded. Gently placing his palm on the back of your hand, gently he smiled at you.

“So, tell me your story.” he cooed as he was running his thumb softly over your skin.

“What story do you mean exactly?” you let him touch you.

“You mentioned something like being a professional player.”

“I used to be, yeah.” you pulled a bittersweet smile.

“And what’s the story behind that?” he raised one of his eyebrows.

“Let’s not ruin this lovely moment with a bittersweet story like that. Rather you should tell me how you got to open your own casino at this young age? Is it a family business?” Your pupils became huge the second he shot you a charming smirk.

“We can call it like that, yeah. It’s a family business. This casino was the 5th one I opened across the country.”

“Wait a minute.” your eyes widened. “Are you telling me you have 5 casinos?”

“Actually, 12.” he chuckled. “I opened one every month last year.”

“Shut up!” you slammed your free palm against your mouth. “I’m sorry. I mean, wow. This is amazing!”

After you finished the delicious meal, which you still had no idea what it was, you excused yourself to the restroom.“I’ll be right back.” you said politely, heading inside.

The moment you got back a tall, long black haired man was standing at your table, obviously having some serious words with your date. Eavesdropping wasn’t your intention but you involuntarily overheard some words.

“I’m telling you boss they fucked us up. The guns should have arrived tonight and yet all the containers were empty.”

“What?” Gojo sounded harsh. “What the fuck is going on? It’s the third shipment in a row. You will need to deal with this shit. I’m busy at the…” his words died mid-sentence as he noticed you standing not far from your table. “Leave! We will discuss this later.” he clenched his jaw.

Your heart was beating fast, pounding against your chest. “Did he seriously say guns?” you panicked. As the mysterious man passed you he gave you an annoyed glance. It terrified you even more.

“It’s getting late.” you checked your phone immediately. “I truly had an amazing night tonight but I’m afraid I need to go home. Tomorrow I’ll have an important meeting with my editor.” you faked a smile.

“On Sunday?” he clicked his tongue. He knew you were lying, he also was aware you’ve heard something you shouldn’t have.

“Yeah…lame, I know.” you giggled awkwardly. “I have this deadline coming up next week and…anyway. I don’t want to bore you with the details. I’m gonna catch a taxi.”

“I’ll take you home, sweetheart.” he leaned back in his chair.

“No.” you snapped. “I mean, I don’t wanna be a trouble here. You did so much for me anyway. I’m sure this dinner was way too expensive.” you pushed back your chair, threw your phone into your purse and left in a hurry. Gojo pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I can’t believe this shit.” he growled. “Everything was so fucking perfect. Damn you, Geto. I’ll kill you, I swear.” he took an irritated, deep breath before standing up and leaving as well. He saw you getting in a taxi and felt really disappointed. “She will avoid me…I feel it.”

***

A sleepless night. That’s what he gave you. So many unanswered questions were rushing through your mind. Even if you tried to distract yourself it was simply impossible. You had so much fun with him. He was gentle, polite and so damn charming. But guns? He must have been some kind of gangster and the last thing you wanted was to get involved in some nasty business. So as disappointing as it seemed you decided to ditch him.

“Good morning, darling. I hope you had a decent sleep. Oh and I cheer for you today with your editor.” This lovely message waited for you to read.

“Fuck.” you hissed after seeing it. You closed the message and left your phone at the nightstand. Gojo tapped his feet nervously on the wooden floor in his office.

“She saw it and didn’t respond.” he growled, before writing to you again. “I was thinking maybe you wanted to meet after your meeting this evening?” Sent. Still no response, only the checkmark next to his message, showing him you read it but once again didn’t bother to write anything back. “Damn it, baby. Stop ignoring me!” he bit his inner cheek.

During the day he got a bit carried away and kept texting you. Even if he was getting mad and desperate he stayed well-behaved. After the 10th or 11th message he took a deep breath and dialed your number.

Your eyes widened the second you noticed the caller on the screen of your phone. “Pick up the goddamn phone.” he clenched his jaw after the umpteenth missed call. But you didn’t pick up. After a while it seemed the call didn’t go through. “Did you really?” he hummed a bittersweet laugh. “She blocked me!” he threw his hands in the air, shaking his head in disbelief.

***

In the middle of the night you heard some knocking on the front door. Your eyes were still closed but you tried to focus if you really did hear something or only your mind tricked you. One more knock, this time it was a bit louder. You rubbed your eyes with the back of your hand before crawling out of the bed. Checking the clock “2:32am”.

“Who the fuck is it?” you mumbled under your nose. A third knock echoed through the living room. “I’m coming! There’s no need to break my freaking door.” you sounded harsh and irritated.

The door shot open and there he was. Gojo stood in front of you covered in blood, injured. Your eyes widened and you froze in your action.

“I’m so sorry, darling.” he panted. “But I had nowhere else to go.” he sounded weak. The second his knees buckled a bit and he almost lost his balance you stepped closer, helped him to come inside.

“What happened to you? You should go to the hospital.” you were still in shock.

“No, no. I’m fine, I just…I just need to rest.” he breathed unevenly.

A billion thoughts rushed through your mind as you guided him into the kitchen.

“Careful.” you said as you helped him to sit down. “I’ll be right back.” you rushed to the bathroom to get the first aid kit.

For a second you stood still in the bathroom, facing the mirror. Everything seemed so surreal. And even if you were scared and confused, you felt the urge to help him. After all he was nothing but polite and sweet with you. The date last night was magical.

You took a deep breath before grabbing the kit and hurried your steps back to the kitchen.

“Hey…hey, Satoru. Look at me.” you placed the box on the counter. “I need you to tell me how badly injured you are. Okay? It seems you lost a lot of blood.” you stared at his light blue buttoned up shirt.

“It’s not all mine.” he hummed a bittersweet laugh.

“Oh, God…” you shook your head. “Did you get shot?” you frowned.

“No, just stabbed.” he hissed as he tried to wiggle on the seat.

“Stabbed?” even you were surprised by your high pitched voice. “Let me see it!”

“Help me please, I can’t really move my left arm.”

Gently you fidgeted with the buttons, one after another, until his shirt was fully open. His chest was covered with bruises and cuts. But his left shoulder looked worrying. A deep, pretty big wound was revealed in front of you. It was definitely made by a stab.

“I need to clear your wounds and I definitely have to stitch this one on your shoulder.” you clenched your jaw as you took his shirt completely off.

“Thank you.” That was all he could say. Gojo was clearly in pain.

You tried to be as gentle as possible but you knew just as much as him that it wasn’t going to be a piece of cake.

“Sorry.” you bit your lower lip before you started to clean his injuries. He hissed here and there, cleared his throat but never ever complained.

Even if you tried to focus only on the main task you couldn’t help but admire his toned torso. This handsome gangster had wide shoulders, broad chest and perfectly built abs. His biceps looked huge without even flexing them.

“It’s almost done.” you smiled. “Then let me take care of the rest of the cuts on your face and as I see your knuckles are fucked up, too.” “It’s nothing.” he hummed a laugh.

“Really, it’s okay.”

“Shh…” you hushed him. “You asked me to help you, yeah? Let me do it properly.”

He stayed quiet and pulled an adorable smile. After you gently wrapped up his knuckles you didn’t even realize that you kept running your thumb over his hand.

A few seconds later you got a bandage and placed it on his cheekbone. Suddenly he put his palm on your waist and pulled you close to him. The way he rested his cheek on your tummy surprised you. You had no idea what to do. Should you have freed yourself or stayed still? An unexpected silence made the situation even more complicated. Finally you hummed and ran your fingers through his hair, softly slicking it back and planting a featherlight kiss on the top of his head. You felt as he smiled and slid his hand down to your hip, grabbing it lightly.

“Will you tell me what happened to you?” you broke the silence.

“It’s safer for you if you don’t know.”

“Satoru, please. You can’t just appear in front of my house in the middle of the night beaten up, bleeding, asking for my help and expecting me to not ask any questions.” you lifted his head to force him looking you in the eye.

“It’s so messed up, darling. Everything is just messed up.” he sighed. “And I know you heard something yesterday. I don’t know what exactly but I have a guess. You even blocked my number.”

You gulped hard, because he said the truth. You were about to ghost him.

“Are you scared of me?” he kept looking at you.

“I don’t know.” you took a deep breath. “I mean you are sweet, polite, like a real gentleman. Last night was wonderful, I did have fun with you and everything was perfect. But guns? Fucking guns? And let me tell you that guy looked terrifying. The way he stared at me froze the blood in my veins.”

“So you heard what Geto said.” he growled. “Look…” he hesitated for a second. “I’m not a simple business man. I’m the head of the Gojo clan, one of the biggest mafia families in the country. I know it sounds horrible but you need to believe me when I say that I’m a good person and I would treat you as a queen if you’re willing to give me a chance.”

“I…” you were about to say you didn’t know what to think but all of a sudden he stood up and caged you at the counter. He was way taller, so he towered above you powerfully.

“Just one chance.” he leaned dangerously close. “That’s all I’m asking for.” you felt his warm breath on your skin. A fragile nod was all you were able to present but it was more than enough for him. “Can I kiss you? Please. I've been dying to kiss you since the moment I saw you on the screen.”

“On the screen?” you were confused.

“Nevermind.” he chuckled and brushed his lips against yours. It was a delicate kiss, a gentle and soft one.

The soft kiss turned into a more intense one. A low moan escaped your mouth the second his tongue met yours. He smirked and kept kissing you with more and more passion. You threw your hands around his neck, running your fingers up and down on the back of his head, feeling his undercut brushing your skin. While he grabbed your thighs and lifted you up.

“Satoru, don’t…your shoulder is...”

“It’s okay.” he planted a featherlight kiss into your neck as you clenched your legs around his waist.

“Where’s your bedroom?” he growled.

You nodded your head slightly to the right and he headed to the room without hesitation. The sound of your uneven breathing echoed through the room as he entered your bedroom, holding you still. Gojo sat down at the edge of the bed. The mattress bent down a bit under the weight of your bodies. You caged him with your knees and you undeniably felt the bulge growing bigger and bigger in his pants.

A cheeky bite on his lower lip and one or two grinding movements on his lap drove him wild. He grabbed the back of your head as he took a deep, desperate breath.

“Are you sure about this, princess? Because once we’ve done it there’s no way back. You’re going to be mine. Only mine!” he hissed.

A naughty smirk appeared on your face. You pulled your PJ shirt above your head, revealing your breasts before you crashed your lips against his. You had no idea what’s gotten into you but you wanted nothing else but to sleep with this man.

Suddenly his hands wandered lower and cupped your bum, squeezing them while he moaned into the heated kiss. The next you remembered was him flipping you over. You landed on your back on the mattress, even bounced back a little.

“I wonder how strong you are when you are not injured.” you chuckled.

“You’ll find out, I'll make sure of that. God…” he shook his head. “You’re so beautiful.”

A slight tint of red rushed your face which he found adorable.

Once again Satoru towered himself above you, his hands rested aside your head while he kept kissing your cheek, your jaw, your neck and collarbone. Working his way lower and lower. One of his hands cupped one of your tits, massaging it, enjoying the touch. You weren’t able to hold back your moans, the heat was getting really hard to handle. When he reached your lower tummy he playfully slid his fingers under the rubber band of your PJ bottom.

Your hips automatically bucked up, giving him an easy time to get rid of the unwanted cloth. As you were laying there completely naked he bit his lower lip and wiggled his way back exactly between your thighs. His breathing got faster and faster, you felt the warm air on your skin. Gojo looked you in the eye as he placed a light kiss on your folds, just right before he spread your legs wide open and his tongue slid into your needy part.

“Fuck…” you moaned and ran your fingers into his crystal white hair. Satoru was good at eating, he got the perfect rhythm and the perfect moves. One of his hands rested on your tummy, while he lapped and sucked on your clit. Giving more and more speed to the movements caused you to shiver. Nothing else but his name rolled from your lips. He was really enjoying the moment, enjoying your beautiful pussy.

“Please…” you panted.

“Hmm? What does my princess want?” he looked up at you from between your legs.

“Toru, if you keep doing this I’m going to cum.” “Good.” he smirked. “That was my intention anyway.” He buried his face between your folds once again but this time adding one finger to make the pleasure more intense. Your moans became louder, your hips bucked but his free hand kept you still.

“Don’t wiggle, baby. Let me eat you properly.” he giggled as he gave a quick lick to your already sensitive clit. Your gangster slid one more finger in and it drove you completely insane. You were nothing but a moaning mess.

“I’m gonna…I think I’m gonna…” you tried to form the words without success.

“Come for me, darling.” he quickened his movements. You felt the knot in your lower tummy get stronger and stronger. Suddenly the rush of a relieving tension rushed through your body and a loud scream left your mouth. Gojo kept going on and on, while you were riding your high out on his face.

A few moments later your breathing started to get more even and you cupped his face.

“Take off your pants. I want you to be inside of me!” Satoru never in his life got out of his pants faster but your expression made him chuckle.

“Holy shit!” you gasped. “You are huge.” your eyes widened at the sight of his hard dick.

“Don’t worry baby.” he climbed between your legs, positioning himself to your entrance. “I’ll be gentle.” he carefully slid his throbbing shaft into you.

“Oh my God.” you panted as he kept sliding himself in inch by inch.

“Look at you, darling. You’re taking me so well.” he leaned in and kissed you. “Tell me when I can move, yeah?” His muscled back felt so tempting under your hands as you nodded.

“Just a second.” you tried to relax your body. This man was indeed massive. “Okay, you can move now.” you dug your fingers into his back.

Satoru put up a gentle pace, bucking his hips at a speed that drove you crazy. The way his dick was sliding in and out of your dripping wet pussy tested his own sanity as well.

“You’re so tight.” he buried his face in the crook of your neck. Your hands wandered lower and lower on his back until you grabbed his rounded bum.

“Faster. I need you to go faster. Please.” you begged and he obeyed right away. He started to pound into you with more and more intensity. Your walls clenched around him every time he hit your special spot.

“Darling.” he growled. “I’m not gonna last long if you suck me in like this.”

“I can’t help it, ‘Toru. It feels so good. You feel so good inside me.” you babbled in delirium.

Your words pushed him even closer to his limit and the second you screamed his name once again, reaching your high he wasn’t able to hold back anymore.

“Baby, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna…Ngh.” he pulled himself out quickly and shot his cream on your tummy. After he calmed down a bit he laid next to you.

“That was amazing.” he rested on his back, facing the ceiling.

“It indeed was.” you smiled and tried to get up. “I’ll be right back.” you headed to the bathroom to clean up yourself.

Gojo appeared in the bathroom door, laying against the frame. “Can you help me with the shower?” He walked behind you, placed his hands on your shoulders and kissed your neck. “With all these stitches and bandages I’m not sure I could do it myself.”

“Sure, join me.” you giggled as you pulled the shower curtain aside.

***

After a second round in the shower you were completely exhausted and you assumed Satoru felt the same.

“We really should sleep and in the morning you will tell me what the heck is going on. Okay?” you climbed in the bed after changing the sheets.

“Alright, darling.”

His phone kept ringing which woke both of you up. A desperate growl left your body as you opened your eyes.

“Satoru, pick up your fucking phone, I’m begging you.” you whined.

He tapped the top of the nightstand next to him, eyes closed, when finally reached his mobile. “What?” he hissed. A few seconds later he almost jumped out of the bed. “WHAT?!” he yelled. “Bullshit!” he clenched his jaw. “No, I will handle it. Get your stuff and head to the mountains. Yes, all of you! Go!” he hung up.

“Should I ask?” you sat up, covering your bare chest with the sheet.

“A few weeks ago I turned down a nasty business.” he sighed, climbing behind you, so your back pressed against his chest as he kept talking. “Since then my whole business, my whole family is under attack. I thought after a few days they would stop but instead they are after everything I own in this town. Last night I got attacked while I was on my way home. They destroyed my house and now Geto called me with the news that all my businesses were either burnt to the ground or torn apart.”

“That sounds horrible.” you gasped. “So the casino was not your only interest in the city?”

“No, I had restaurants, shops and clubs as well.”

“Restaurants…” you hummed. “Like the one you took me to?”

“Yeah.” he nodded.

“Bastards…” you huffed. “It was such a beautiful place. I loved it!”

Gojo let out a bittersweet laugh before kissing your shoulder. “I need to leave, darling. You have to come with me.”

“What?” your eyes widened.

“You would be in danger here but I can protect you.”

“In danger? How? Why? We are not even a thing, why would I be in danger?”

“After last night we are definitely a thing. I told you, if you gave in you were going to be mine.” he smirked as he gently bit your earlobe.

“Yeah.” a soft moan left your mouth. “But they don’t know that.”

The handsome gangster got out of the bed and wanted to dress up when he realized his clothes were dirty and torn. He clicked his tongue and frowned.

“I can give you gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt if you want. I think it will fit you.”

“Thank you.”

As he was getting dressed he bit his inner cheek. “I assume these aren’t your clothes.”

“No.” you shrugged. “My ex left them here and I…well I should have gotten rid of them years ago.”

Satoru was about to crack an inappropriate joke about your ex and how he was going to fuck even his memory out of your pretty head when someone knocked on the front door.

You snapped your head to the direction of the noise.“Will your men pick you up?” you smiled as you started to walk towards the door.

He took a quick peek through the window and noticed an unfamiliar, dark car in front of your home.

“Baby, stop!” he yelled and started to run after you, grabbing your wrist just in time and pulling you aside a second before someone emptied a whole clip into your door.

“What the fuck?” you screamed.

Gojo covered you with his body until the shots died down.

“Come with me!” he demanded and dragged you into the bathroom. “Here. Take this.” he handed you a loaded gun. I’m going to lock this door, yeah? If anyone tries to break in, kill them. Understood?” he sounded dead serious.

“What?! NO!” you screamed. “It’s bullshit! I don’t even know how to use this freaking gun.” you started to cry.

“Shh…” he pulled you into his chest and hugged you tight. “It’s going to be okay, yeah? I will take care of this. I told you I was going to protect you, darling.” he placed a kiss on the top of your head.

“Be careful.” you whispered as he left the bathroom.

In the upcoming minutes you heard gunshots, yelling, screaming and you were sure your home was getting destroyed. After a while there was silence. The doorknob started to move left and right, your blood froze in your veins as you aimed the gun directly at the door.

“It’s safe now, baby.” Gojo’s weakened voice made you shiver.

“Satoru?” you shot the door open right away. And once again here he was, standing in front of you injured, bleeding.

“I…I need to patch you up again. I’m sure the wound on your shoulder opened up.” you frowned as you reached for his t-shirt and wanted to take it off.

“No.” he panted, gently grabbing your wrist. “There’s no time for this. We need to leave. It’s not over yet, more of them will come. We can’t stay here.” he pressed his right hand against his side.

You were sure under the clothes he was covered in new cuts and bruises.

“Yuuta.” Gojo sighed. “I will text you the address. You need to come here and pick us up right now. They found me.” he hung up.

“Can I at least pack some clothes or something?”

“Just be quick, baby. Yuuta will be here in a few minutes.”

With a small luggage in your hand you stepped out of your bedroom and didn’t want to believe your eyes. Blood and at least five dead bodies were lying in the living room. All your furniture was either broken or shot into pieces.

“Please, don’t look.” Satoru took your luggage with one of his hands and grabbed your hand with the other one. “Come, Yuuta is outside.”

On your way to the safe house you kept silent. Gojo refused to let your hand go, he rubbed his thumb over your skin again and again and again. After an hour or so the car parked in front of a vintage styled wooden house. You helped Satoru to get out of the car and only after standing next to the vehicle did you notice the men waiting in front of the building.

You recognized the scary looking man who was called Geto. He was on the phone and well…his stare almost made you shit your pants. Not far from him stood a younger boy with funny, spiky hair. It seemed he talked to a ripped guy with a tiny scar across his lips and who looked just like him. There was another man with spiky hair and a weird face paint sitting close to scarface. The last guy with pinkish blonde hair and his hands in his pockets seemed the most normal from them all.

That was the moment you realized you were going to stay in a house with a yakuza and a part of his gang.

[konglindorm]

Shards of Glass: Chapter 1

    I lost Kai when we were nine. He went missing when we were seventeen.

    He was my best friend and brother and half my heart. It’s funny, how those feelings don’t go away. He was practically a stranger, by the time he disappeared, but he was still all those other things, too.

    (Manda’s still half convinced I’m in love with him. But Manda’s favorite game is seven minutes in heaven, and I’d rather get a root canal than go on a date, so there tends to be a fundamental breakdown in communication when we talk about that kind of thing.)

    Kai never came home Saturday night. His grandma reported him missing Sunday morning. By Monday—

    Monday was a snow day. It had been going on and off since Friday night, nonstop since Sunday afternoon. My parents were at work, and I wanted to keep Grandma company, but she was busy, with the police, and the—and I didn’t want to be in the way. So I heard it from the news, not from her.

    Local teen, missing two days. Last seen snowboarding at 3pm on Saturday. Snowboard washed up on the far side of the river. A glove and a boot found on the hilltop. Local teen missing, presumed dead.

    Kai missing, presumed dead.

    Manda called me right after it aired. “I know he was—I’m sorry.”

    “Kai’s not an idiot,” I said.

    “No one said he was.”

    “They did. They just did, on channel six—you think Kai would go down like that? Into the river? Everyone knows you don’t take the hill at that angle, because the Mississippi doesn’t always freeze.”

    “Okay, but Gerda, if it was already dark when he—”

    “He’s not stupid enough to be out in the dark alone, that close to the river. He’s not, he wouldn’t, Manda. He wouldn’t.”

    “Okay,” she said again, humoring me. “So what do you think happened?”

   “I don’t know. I just know he’s not dead. He—he can’t be. Not Kai.”

    Kai in the dark, squinting at me behind fogged up glasses. Kai laughing as he packed a snowball, Kai biking in the sun the day the training wheels came off, Kai in braces and glowers, Kai calling me names, Kai waiting at the back door with the snow falling at his back. Not Kai. Not Kai.

    He wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be. And that meant I had to find him.

    Boots—the heavy black ones that laced in the front. Snow pants—shiny, black, puffy, ugly, warm. The heaviest coat, the thickest mittens, with thin gloves beneath. My ice skating socks. Two scarves. That hat Grandma knitted for me for Christmas. Six granola bars in my pocket.

    Kai was a missing person, presumed dead. He was probably more than six granola bars away.

    He wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be. I grabbed a seventh granola bar.

     I had walked across town, down the hill, along the river, and into the woods, deep and deep and deeper, before the cold seeped into my shoes, before I realized what I was doing.

    I sat abruptly on the snowy ground. I was going to search for my likely-dead evil neighbor, alone, on a Monday afternoon in January, with nothing but the clothes on my back.

    He wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be. I stood up and pulled out the first granola bar.

~

    I’ve spent my whole life one wall away from Kai. Our families live in the two units of a townhouse, and our bedrooms share a wall. When we were kids we had a tin can telephone—we used one of Grandma’s needles with the biggest eye to pull the thread through the screens in our windows, then attached each end to a can inside our rooms. Whenever one of us wanted to talk, we’d knock on the wall, and the other would know to go pick up their can.

   We had to replace the string a few times, and the last one fell apart years ago, but the can still lives on my dresser, with a million other things Mom keeps telling me to throw away.

    The last few years, if Kai wanted to talk to me, he’d knock on the wall, and I’d go downstairs and meet him in the backyard. I don’t knock anymore—I learned a long time ago that the only way to have a relationship with Kai is on his terms.

    Manda says that’s unhealthy. I say Manda’s a hypocrite—she forgives people who keep hurting her, too. She says it’s different because Kai’s not my family. But he might as well be. You don’t stop loving people just because they become unlovable. I may not have liked Kai much, the last few years. But I’ll always do anything for the sake of the person he used to be.

~

    I know it started when we were nine, the trouble. That was the year Kai got glasses. It was also the year he got mean. (Unrelated.) He just got meaner and meaner. He had a special talent for mimicry that showed up that year, and he just—

    There was a huge rosebush between our front doors, and it made the biggest, brightest, best-smelling red roses I’ve ever seen, prettier even than the ones you can get from a florist. We were sitting just in front of it, holding very, very still, because there were a bunch of bees around. (Kai always liked bees.) And all of the sudden he shouted.

    I asked him if he’d got stung, and he shook his head. “Feels like something flew into my eye.”

    A minute later a bee landed on his hand, and he caught it—grabbed it by the wings.

    “What are you doing?”

    He shrugged. “I wanted a closer look,” he said. And he held it up really close to his face—I think he needed the glasses by then—but it was struggling, so it was hard to really look at. So he grabbed the stinger and pulled it out—because losing their stingers kills them—and then it wasn’t moving anymore, and he could get a better look.

    And it was so mean, and I was shouting at him, and then he just—dropped it, and he said, “I don’t—I don’t know why I did that. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

    We dug a little hole and buried the bee under the oak tree in the backyard. But that was when it started. The day he killed that bee. It happened slowly. He started mocking people and stomping on ants and being rude to Grandma. But only sometimes. Other times he was nice. Other times he was still my best friend. And I just kept hoping he’d grow back out of it.

    (When your best friend grows up to be a jerk, you never suspect it’s because of magic.)

~

    I was twelve by the time I admitted to myself that Kai and I weren’t friends anymore. I was sleeping over at his house—we were already a few years out from being sleepover friends, really. But my parents have always travelled a lot, and until I turned fifteen and they decided I could stay home alone overnight, I stayed with Grandma and Kai.

    Kai still had his bunk bed back then—one bed for him, and one for a friend, and that friend was always me.

    I don’t even remember what he said. He’d been saying horrible things, and I’d been trying to ignore them, for a long time by then. I didn’t hang on to the things he said—I always just tried to forget them as soon as possible. But whatever he said that night, it upset me, more than the things he said usually did. It might have been about my parents—my adoptive parents, not my bio ones. Kai would never go there, even at his worst. Both sets are sore subjects, but there are lines Kai won’t cross, and there were more of them when we were twelve.

    My parents are my uncle—my bio mom’s brother—and his wife, really. My bio parents died in a car crash, and they were the only family left. At least, the only family we know about, because my bio dad was from Taiwan, and no one knew if he had any family left there or how to contact them. My parents adopted me because I was family, and it was the right thing to do. They love me, I think. They’ve had me since before I turned two. But I know they never wanted kids. So I’m touchy about it. That would have hurt my feelings, more than most things Kai might have said when we were twelve.

    Whatever he said, I climbed down from the top bunk and went to Grandma’s room; she was sitting up in bed, reading.

    “I don’t want to sleep in there. Kai’s being mean.”

    Grandma sighed and put down her book. She was hoping he’d grow out of it, too, but no luck, no matter how many groundings and timeouts and whatever he got. “Well, maybe you’re getting to be at the age where you shouldn’t be sharing a room.”

    After that I slept on the pullout couch, until Mom and Dad let me just stay home.

~

    I was thoroughly lost and down two granola bars by the time I thought of Grandma. (His grandma, not mine, not really.) To be told Kai was probably dead, and then that I’d gone missing—well, they’d probably find my body before Kai’s, even if he really was dead, because I didn’t go barreling toward the Mississippi like a first-rate idiot.

    We’re all she has left. To lose us both in the same weekend—

    And my parents. My parents—I’m the only family they have, too, and they’d definitely blame themselves if I wandered into the woods and froze to death when they were both working late again—and I knew I was going to freeze to death. I was beyond numb. I kept starting to fall asleep, and then the panic would wake me. I had no idea how long I’d been out—I didn’t have a watch, and it gets dark so early in the winter, it could have been less than an hour, or it could have been three or four. No one would miss me probably until morning—when Mom and Dad got home they’d just assume I was already in bed, so either they’d find my bed empty in the morning, or they’d leave early and someone at school would be the first to realize I was gone.

    I was going to freeze to death searching for a stupid jerk who was probably dead already, and there was no way Manda would ever believe I wasn’t in love with him after this—or anyone else either, and why should that even matter, when I was about to freeze to death?    

~

    We live in a cul-de-sac, with a huge circle of grass at the end, where the turn-around is—I guess it belongs to the city. But we used to build snow forts there every winter. Me and Kai—we were the only kids on the block, back then. There are some younger kids now, and I’ve seen them do the same thing.

    It was always a huge fort—we’d work on it for weeks. The plow would pile all the snow from the street there, so we had plenty of material to work with. We’d dig tunnels into the big piles the plow left. We were in there all day on weekends, and over Christmas break, until Grandma or my parents came to dig us out.

    Grandma would never come into the fort—she said her knees were too old—but she used to bring us each a thermos of hot chocolate while we were working. We’d go into the biggest cavern we’d dug out so far, and sit on the packed-down snow on the ground, pressed tight together, to drink it. No one makes hot chocolate like Grandma—I’ve watched her do it, and she just uses the cheap powder like everyone else, but hers tastes better.

    I was sitting on the ground in the woods, imagining Kai was pressed into my side, thinking of Grandma’s hot chocolate. And I wasn’t cold anymore, and I knew I was dying.

    Then I woke up.

-

Preorders open now on waxheartpress.com!

[yogurtgeek]

Pt. 2: Life Series Post Apoc AU

[Etho-centric AU with characters from the life series/ 3rd life/ last life/ double life/ lim life (and possibly HC). I hope you enjoy! :) ]

Context: life-series characters were all in university/college/recently graduated in Canada when the apocalypse happened. Now they try to survive together.

Pt. 1

“Did you find anything good?”

The warm glow of the fire washed over us as we entered the base, Scott securing the door behind us. Jimmy looked at us expectantly from the chair near the fire where he was polishing his sword.

“Well.” Pearl shifted her backpack to the floor and began unwrapping her layers of frozen clothing. “I ‘spose that depends on what you define as good.”

“How far did you go?” Scott asked, helping me untether my crossbow from my harness. “It’s getting dark; I was worried.”

Pearl glanced at her watch. “It’s only 3PM! Stupid Canadian winters with their early sunset and snow.”

“It’s the price you pay for long summer days,” I noted. “We walked about 10 kilometers east-”

“North-east,” Pearl corrected.

“.... okay, north-east. As far as the town over the mountain. Most places have been looted, but we found a few useful things.”

Pearl pulled a yellow sweater out of her bag and tossed it to Jimmy. “Here, Jim; it’s your color.”

“Ah, sweet!”

“Find anything for the Forge?” Tango appeared in the doorway holding a screwdriver.

The Forge was what we called our workshop, the place where us engineers created and maintained the technology that allowed us to survive. Our ongoing project was Scar’s wheelchair, but the most pressing current issue was power. We had relied on a gas-powered generator until recently, when gas had become more difficult to find. Since then, Tango, Impulse, BigB, Mumbo, and I had switched our focus to alternate energy sources.

“No gas for the generator, unfortunately. But we found a few other things on your list.” I handed him a bag of nails. “I know it’s not exactly what we need for the waterwheel -”

Tango sighed. “We’ll work with what we have. We could really use some fresh timber, though; I’d love to have this wheel finished before the ice thaws in the creek.”

“Tango, even if they found timber, It’s not like they could even carry it all the way home,” Jimmy noted astutely. “Lugging huge slabs of wood 10 kilometers through the snow? No thank you.”

Pearl and I exchanged glaces. “Actually, we may have a solution for that.”

“What?” Jimmy set his sword to the side, instantly intrigued.

“It will take some time to set up...”

“What will? What is it?”

“... but, with some patience, we should be able to make it work.”

“Oh come on, guys! What is it? What did you find?”

There was a spark in Pearl’s eye as she paused, building anticipation. “Horses.”

Jimmy, Tango, and Scott stared at her. “Horses? Like, wild horses?”

“They let us get pretty close,” I said. “I think they were domesticated at one point, and they’ve learned to survive on their own. We just need to re-tame them.”

“Did you tell Bdubs about this?” Scott asked. “He’ll be ecstatic!”

“I’ll tell him when he wakes up.” [I knew Bdubs was already asleep - somehow his biological clock corresponded perfectly with the rising and setting of the sun. We could fairly accurately predict what time the sun rose based on when Bdubs was awake.] “I know taming horses is a difficult task, but -”

“When has that stopped us before?” Tango grinned. “If we can create an intruder detection system, we can definitely tame some horses.”

“Yeah!” Jimmy chimed in enthusiastically. “We’ll have a whole posse by the time we’re done! Canadian cowboys!”

Pearl chuckled. “I guess we know what we’re doing tomorrow.” She bent down to unpack the rest of her bag. “I found some rope that could be useful, and we should probably design a stable….” Her face wrinkled in confusion as she pulled a large box out of her bag. “Etho, did you put a book in here?”

“.... yes.”

“That’s why my bag was so heavy!” Pearl shifted the box onto the floor and shot me a reproachful glace. “Why didn’t you carry it?”

“Well, I thought we were sharing. And we had space.”

“What book is it, anyway?” Scott asked, peaking curiously over Pearl’s shoulder as she opened the box. “The Mysterious Island by Jules Verne. That’s the guy who wrote 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.”

“It’s a sequel, sort of,” I explained. “It was one of my favorite books as a kid.”

“You couldn’t have picked a favorite book that was smaller? And paperback?” Pearl complained, but I knew she was as happy as I was to have some sort of entertainment on these cold winter nights.

“At the very least, it’s a decent amount of kindling for the fire,” Jimmy teased.

“I think it might be useful in other ways, actually.”

“How so?”

“It’s a story of a group of soldiers who are marooned on an island,” I explained. “They built a settlement to survive.”

“Published in 1875?” Scott flipped through the first few pages. “Are you sure this will be useful?”

“The technology they had then is pretty similar to what we’re confined to now. They had to create their own forge, smithy, and brickworks, and they even wired a telegraph system.”

“Hmm.” Tango peered at the book through his red-rimmed glasses. “Sounds inspirational.”

“It’s what inspired me to study engineering.”

“Well, I’m sure it will be a great read.” Scott gently placed the book on the mantle. “Let’s get these things put away, fix some supper, and then start the first chapter.”

“Sounds like a plan!”

I glanced at the book, half-illuminated by flickering flames, as I pulled more supplies out of my pack. There was another reason why I kept it. The story wasn’t just about a group of friends fighting for survival - it was about a mysterious island. There was a presence on the island, a hand behind the scenes, a force powerful and unknown to the settlers. A presence all too familiar to our own settlement.

There was anticipation in the air. I noticed it in the way Tilly - Pearl’s dog - growled at the whispering wind at night, the way there happened to be a medieval weapons museum in a nearby town, the way we had found more medical supplies in the past week than in the past year, the way the herd of horses had wandered into our territory. The way we hadn’t seen a single person since we had escaped to my grandfather’s cabin. The way our entire friend group had survived the apocalypse.

Maybe I was being paranoid, my traumatized brain picking out all the patterns it could find. It was a bit ridiculous to think that there might be a higher power manipulating our circumstances, but I had gained the skill of open-mindedness over the past few years, and nothing much could surprise me after what my friends and I had experienced. I didn’t know what lay in our future. I just knew that whatever happened, we needed to be prepared for what was coming.

[ladykissingfish]

Not Naruto related but … GodDAMN my body hurts. Been out to shovel once an hour, every hour, since 3pm. It’s now 9pm. Each time I go out it’s like I never picked up the shovel at all. My back hurts. My arms hurt. The snowplows keep dumping the ultra-heavy slush snow at the end of the driveway. Too tired to eat my ‘sketti 😩

[thedreadvampy]

I am. For some reason. Being haunted by guilt for this one fucking thing that happened when I was 17. It keeps floating up whenever I try to sleep the last couple of days, I think it's cause Sam's been ill. so I'm putting it here in an attempt to exorcise it. please tell me if this is a situation it makes sense to feel guilty about 13 years later.

Ok so I'm 17, right? I have this boyfriend. He's 18? 19? Not 100% sure on timings on this. and we've been together for about 9 months.

I'm still at school. He's not - he dropped out of sixth form twice, doesn't have a job and is on and off benefits. He's living in his mum's house but I think by this point she's up and moved to Ghana without much notice, leaving him alone with 4 cats and a dog (I'm not actually 100% sure she'd moved out yet at the time but I'm the interests of steelmanning the guilt let's assume she had. I think she had).

We live in different towns - he lives in the nearest Proper Town, the one with like a train station and shopping centre and cinema and clubs. I live 2 buses away - there's a 45 minute bus that takes me from his to the town I go to school in, which goes every 20 minutes 6am-11pm, and then the 20/40 min bus (it takes alternating routes) that I have to take from that town to my village, which goes every 80 minutes 7am-5pm.

My habit at the time is leaving school on Friday, getting the bus to his, spending every weekend there, then going to school from his on Monday and going home after school to spend the week at home. So we sort of half live together - I do a lot of the shopping and cleaning for his house while I'm there cause I work and get a £20/wk allowance from my parents and have no bills to pay, whereas he doesn't have any stable income and since his mum left he's gotta pay for the bills on this 2 person house as well as food and stuff for himself and the animals.

So that's the context this is happening in. He's feeling very abandoned and not really coping, and I've been trying to fill that gap but also I Am Seventeen.

Anyway it's Christmas time, and I've agreed that I'll spend the run-up to Christmas at his and then get the last bus home on Christmas Eve to spend actual Christmas with my family.

I wake up on Christmas Eve about 3am because it is BOILING. I reach over and touch his skin and it literally hurts to touch cause he's running such a high fever. When he wakes up I ask him if he's ok, if he needs me to call the doctor etc, he won't let me do that. I get him water and paracetamol and honey and lemon and a bucket in case he needs to throw up but by about 3pm I'm like I truly have to go bc this is the absolute latest I can leave to catch the last bus home before December 27th (no buses on Christmas or Boxing Day).

and he is crying and begging me not to leave him and calling me selfish and saying I don't love him. and I do everything I can to make sure he's going to be ok and has plenty of food and water in reach and then I go.

(I was very right about the urgency of leaving if I wanted to get home, btw, bc it was below zero and snowing heavily and I JUST got onto the last bus at a dead run. and then that broke down in the snow 2 miles away from home, it was like an hour of just me and the bus driver sitting in an unheated bus while the snow piled up and he called the depot trying to get someone to come out 30+ miles to pick him and the bus up last thing before Christmas. Poor guy. Eventually my mum managed to drive out and pick me up and bring the driver a thermos of tea and some heat packs to tide him over until the cavalry came. so yeah there wasn't a lot of wiggle room in that travel plan.)

anyway my memories of that Christmas Eve have always largely focused on the bus thing. but like. the last few days I'm really thinking about how scary and lonely that genuinely must have been for my ex. like. if I'm right in thinking this was after his mum left, this was probably his first Christmas alone and he spent it racked with flu, running a fever in his room and his girlfriend just went away and left him to it. and like. That must have felt awful

and I keep just thinking should I have done something different? tried to get him to my parents' for Christmas? stuck around until the 27th? maybe talked to my mum and seen whether she could come pick me up on Christmas Day?

or like. even if i didn't do anything wrong. does it make me a bad person that I was so desperate to get out of his house and so relieved once I was away? like I just did not want to deal with that?

like it's obviously all moot, it was half my life ago and anyway it's a snapshot of a much more substantive and complicated relationship. but like. It's just sitting on me at the moment. while I flop around feeling sorry for myself bc I'm running a fever.

[stevishabitat]

Not sure about other places, but in my area, most package delivery takes place during business hours, so the likelihood of there being anyone home at all on the street or apartment building is very low. The only people likely to be at home during the day are night workers sleeping, folks home sick, possibly an elderly person, or a person on maternity leave. And expecting any of those folks to come to the door is thought to be inconsiderate.

You can go through blocks of houses or apartments between 8am and 3pm (when kids might be getting home) and there's no sign of life at all. And kids home alone are usually instructed not to answer the door...

Also, our courier companies (mostly UPS & FedEx) penalize drivers for taking too long on deliveries. They are timed by computer systems from the time they leave their truck until they return and they are timed between stops. If they take the time to find a neighbor or even ring the bell, they're getting penalized for it. This is why FedEx in particular is known for chucking packages from a distance. Gotta beat the clock or you're going to lose your route to someone who is faster.

Our postal system (USPS) may be slightly better and may actually place packages carefully. But they still aren't going to try to find a person to hand it to.

Couriers used to leave a pre-printed sticky note if they felt they were unable to deliver (pouring rain/snow and nowhere to put the package without it getting wet, or a series of thefts reported in your area so they've designated a pick-up location instead). These days though, they just select the notice in the tracking and you have to go online to find out if they're going to try again tomorrow or if you have to pick it up somewhere.

Covid precautions really put the nail in the coffin of direct hand-offs of packages, but it was already a fairly dead practice. There haven't been people at home during business hours for decades since having a stay-at-home parent or people retiring at age 60 stopped being a thing.

I know all my neighbors and we have really wonky numbering on our street so when packages get dropped at the wrong house we're all pretty good about getting it to whoever it belongs to. Kiddo often will recognize the porch in the tracking pic and go find a wayward package. If I get a package that belongs elsewhere I usually stick a note on it and have kiddo porch drop it at the correct address.

As far as thefts go... Yeah, it's a thing. Generally it's either 1. Someone who lives in the area and just grabs packages when they think it's convenient (often - but not exclusively - teens trying to get cool stuff or things they can easily sell for cash). Most apartment package thefts fall into this category because it's easier for someone who is supposed to be there to do the deed. 2. A more planned thing where people drive thru areas where they know no one is home during the day and they can hit multiple houses at once. These folks are usually looking to sell or pawn whatever they get. It may just be one person on their own, or it may be a group working together.

The only package I've had attempted to be stolen was a big bag of cat food that got dropped off during my evening shift and I hadn't had a chance to bring indoors. The guy abandoned it between my house and the house next door, so I think he was maybe looking for dog food and ditched it when he realized it was for cats.

After finding the bag between the houses, I watched the trail camera that we use for monitoring the feral cats to see what had happened. On one hand, I was glad he left it, because it was expensive food for my cat that has dietary restrictions - not the cheap stuff we get for the ferals. But I also felt bad that he was so desperate for dog food that he was snatching heavy bags off porches at 1am.

I feel like americans have a weird relationship with packages being delivered like over here if you don’t answer the door they hand over the package to your neighbor. And either they come by later to hand it over or you come to them for the package. And the mailpeople hand a note through the mail telling you where to pick it up. Anyways how are all your packages getting stolen why are they just being left on the porch

[adreamthatsworthkeeping]

There is definitely an obsession with these Christmas scenes having to be at night. Craft fairs have to be at night despite most fairs I've been to end at about 2 or 3pm. Especially since the unmissable basketball game was happening at the same time, which is a Sunday night thing now? Not Saturday morning? Are we that in need of seeing the lights and the snow that we need it to be a nighttime affair?

[ash-unhinged444]

I hate the fucking snow. Like..? It’s been snowing on and off but mostly on since 3pm yesterday and it’s 2:06 rn and they haven’t even TOUCHED the roads yet? So now I have to cancel getting my blood done.

Fucking dickwads.

[1d1195]

STOMACH ISSUES?! bestie WE ARE THE SAME! I sadly have stomach problems too lol But Im glad that it wasn't anything too serious and that you feel better! Let's hope you won't get sick because it's already a bit tragic with the period lol oh don't even get me started on allergies!

I may have a controversial opinion but I feel like we should bring back skinny jeans!! of course people are allowed to wear whatever they want and it shouldn't matter if it's it trendy but I kinda miss seeing it more lol What sports did you play? I don't think you've mentioned that before but if you did im sorry! But it sucks that you did have some form of damage :( But wedges are cute! they are definitely more comfortable! I feel the same way about platform shoes/heels like idk something about it makes me feel so GOOD! If i could even wear a cute little mary jane heel everyday I would be happy lol But i can't do that due to walking way too much and I REFUSE to use an electric scooter on campus lol

Being a dentist is wild bc i could not do what they do 😭

My TA is still hot lol Didn't see him as much this week because our classes were cancelled due to the professor being out of town :( But ugh Sam he's so attractive like he's just existing and walking around lecture when we have to talk in groups and he just looks so 😵‍💫 My friend in that class pointed out that he has a nice nose which i once again DIDNT EVEN NOTICE 😭 so theres more evidence for my nose thing apparently 😔

YES TO SHOPPING!!!! Enjoy your weekend my love, you deserve it and more💗 I love you!-💜

SO I spent $180 and saved $130 which is honestly not that great in my opinion but could have been worse. I once got a pair of American Eagle jeans for $0.01 and I’ve been trying to achieve that high ever since.

I don’t have horrible stomach issues fortunately (my sister took that on for me thankfully 😅) I’m more of a headache girly lol. Every day at 3pm like clockwork. Is it head trauma or from teaching teens all day?? We’ll never know (it’s teaching). But my stomach is very sensitive sometimes (I think it’s hormones). Speaking of, no illness it’s just my period rn right on cue, first day of break ✌🏻

Omg please I hope they come back around I’m not exactly a petite lady so I can’t with the flare/boot cut jeans. They make me look so rectangular (more than I already am), short, and frumpy that’s why I like skinny jeans so much 😂

I love shoes I don’t even care what kind they’re so fun and I think they can pull a whole outfit together. It’s def wedge season now so I’m very excited about that. When I was a child I rocked a tutu and patent leather and Mary Jane’s for about a whole year of my life. It was the last time I wore them and I think cute little Mary Jane’s would be so fun for me now (but seem a little wintry so I’ll wait till the fall) ☺️ I love that for you and don’t blame you at all. There will be time when you get your career and you can wear Mary Jane’s everyday! I can’t imagine the electric scooter I would cry 🤣 I miss that most about college: all the walking. It was so nice (except in the snow/rain) but when it was nice it was cool everything was close by and walkable (I grew up in a rural-ish area so you had to drive to get anywhere).

I wasn’t full blown tomboy but my dad instilled Boston sports in my blood. I played soccer, softball, and volleyball for major periods of time in my life. Soccer was my favorite but ruined my ankles :( I loved fielding but hated batting in softball. Volleyball was by far the most fun but I wasn’t very good. I enjoyed back row. I love watching most sports 💕 I can cheer on any team the bar has a consensus of rooting for when I go out 🤣

I’m dying about the nose. But I love that for you 💕 I hope you get to see him more in the coming week. I think I would swoon if he walked by me during class being attractive AND smart. I used to be a TA actually. I don’t think any of them thought I was hot but to be fair who would ever like the weird math nerd 😂 I used to make them review sheets with math puns (Sum-things to Know was how I reviewed the chapter on summations)

I LOVE YOU

Xoxo

[medicinemane]

Anyway... 1) I'm so fucking tired and so fucking sore. I've been tossing and turning and sleeping since like 3pm yesterday, with a brief window where I woke up for like 2 hours, then back to bed. It's like 9am now... hasn't been a restful sleep

Kept dreaming about shit like... waking up to find a massive snow storm had blown a huge pile of snow at the foot of my bed in through the cracks in the window

2) (oh... I'm allowed to do it that way so long as I either don't start with 1 or it's not the first thing? ...stupid), just to show how much I like milk and how much I'd drink if I could afford it anymore, since getting home around noon yesterday and now, I've drunk half a gallon of milk

[joemomrgneissguy]

Something I want to tack on to this is a little event that took place in the late Cryogenian which is actually notable for not living up to the namesake of the period.

From around 660-650 Mya ( ~7pm Nov. 8th -3pm Nov. 9th on our calendar) there was an interglacial period where we don't see the big glaciers that had defined the previous 57 million years.

To understand why this is a big deal, you need to understand why the ice had lasted for so long. The short of it is, ice is really good at reflecting light (ask any skier or anyone who's gotten snow blindness). That light getting reflected doesn't get to warm the earth, it just bounces back into space, and thus things get colder. So at a certain point during the snowball glaciations, we hit a feedback loop where more ice means more light gets reflected, and things get cold enough for even more ice to form. It's a death spiral that is very, very hard to escape.

So how did we?

Evidence suggests: volcanoes.

Volcanoes are one of the big natural emitters of atmospheric CO2. As we're well familiar, it acts as a sort of blanket and traps heat. In this case, significant eruptions over time allowed the world to eventually be insulated enough to counteract the feedback loop, and thaw the earth from its frozen slumber.

It's hard to find evidence of these volcanoes, since they got bulldozed by the Marinoan before another round thawed the world for good. But, I did find one paper which points to mercury deposits found in black shales that formed at the time, thought to have also been released by the eruptions as a trace component.

So, long story short, the winter does not last forever. Everything will change in time. And in its wake, there is new life.

HAPPY SNOWBALL EARTH WEEK!

If the entirety of Earth's history were a year, we have finally got to the Sturtian Glaciation in the latter half of the Proterozoic.

Lasting for a whopping 57 million years (4.6 days at this scale) there is evidence for the Sturtian Glaciation on every continent, and nearly as much coverage by the shorter lived Marinoan Glaciation (roughly 22.2 my or 1.79 days) that followed soon thereafter. The two collectively define the Cryogenian Period and stretch on our calendar from November 4th to November 10th.

My favorite deposit from this time is actually in Death Valley, CA of all places.

Image Credit: Marli Miller

Notice how there are these big rocks just in the middle of this really fine grained mudstone? How did they get there?

THEY WERE CARRIED OUT TO SEA!

As the glaciers reached the ocean, some of the rocks they plucked up were taken along with. When the ice melted, they were just left on the ocean floor surrounded by fine mud as a submarine glacial erratic.

Things really start accelerating on the calendar after this week, because next up is the Ediacaran.

[ramblingeekette]

First big blizzard in Wisconsin...and it is bad enough my area of state shut down almost everything by 3pm (including my work. AYYYYYY. first time we've ever closed for bad weather in the 4 years I've been there) hell even most the bars closed early so you know it's a doozy 😂

They pulled all the plows from the road and issued multi county wide tow bans.

Worst part is the wind, it's hitting 45 to 50 mph steady gusts. I live in an 100+ year old house and she be chillllllyyy. Heated blanket gonna be my bestie tonight.

Gotta get up at 530 to hopefully snowblow the drive and our neighbors, and then wait to see if my boss calls me to let me know we're opening late or not since I'm supposed to be in by 730am....which. was fine but now they're saying it's gonna snow into Saturday night instead of ending in the morning so I guess we'll see?

That's even if I can get out of my street. I'm on a side street that is a dead end in a valley area by the river....the one road in and out is near impossible to drive even in a truck if not plowed because the road goes up and down a couple small hills and the dip parts turn into ice rinks/snow traps 😬😬

Mother Nature really was like Yall Mad Because December Was Warm, Here Have 2 Snowstorms In 2 days But Make The Second one ~Spicy~

At least everything looks pretty. And once the wind dies down, it'll be enjoyable to get out in the wintery goodness