#// it made parts of this awkward though bc ghoul

[finniestoncrane]

I submitted one before I knew about the event🫢 Congrats, omg!!! I want to purchase tickets for front row, sci fi, with the ghoul/cooper howard + wine, mayo, and frozen yoghurt. and perhaps cupcake? or rly anything else u think would taste together😉💕 (I submitted a req about innocent!vaultie female reader blurting out that she loves him during sex bc it feels so good she just doesn’t know any better, he thinks it’s real cute😉)

thank you love!! i'm excited for this, because i thought the idea was adorable, and the prompts you picked just added to it!! 💚🩷 cw: confesing feelings, awkward sex, lil bit of roughness on coop's part 🔞minors dni🔞 send a request • masterlist • kofi link • tag: finnie2k (to follow or to block)

The words were out of your mouth without you even noticing. It was hard to focus on anything but pleasure when Cooper was fucking you. There was something almost hypnotic about the way he could work his cock inside you that meant you were in a lust filled haze, no thoughts crossing your mind except for those about Cooper himself or your impending orgasm.

And really, you weren't sure why he had stopped so suddenly anyway. It felt like the right thing to say in the moment, as he thrust himself into you, all care abandoned as he clumsily bucked you around on his lap.

"I love you."

That was always the magical words in any romance novel you had read. It seemed appropriate to offer it to Cooper now in the moment. Especially since you felt that you held a significant amount of affection for him, and you suspected he could return that favour, even if he still insisted on acting cold, pretending that your presence was a burden and not a welcome comfort.

"What did you just say?"

He had stopped so abruptly that you were stunned into silence, unsure of what kind of faux pas you had made. In your naivety, you often slipped up. Lack of experience, Cooper said, making excuses for your sheltered, literally, upbringing.

"I said... I said 'I love you'. Is that... Is that not ok?"

You could feel your cheeks burning, suddenly embarrassed, feeling put on the spot. And Cooper's patronising smile didn't help. He reached for your cheek, stroking it with his thumb, smiling slightly.

"You're lucky you're cute, you know."

"Why?"

"Because that's about the dumbest shit you've said so far. And you've said a lot of dumb shit, darlin'."

You considered it for a moment, beginning to roll your hips slightly, hoping that by reminding him that his cock was deep within your wet, warm cunt that you might mitigate some of the scrutiny, the embarrassment.

"It just feels good, Cooper. And I do care about you..."

"You only love the idea of me, sweetheart. Nothin' more."

It was confusing. Everything was on the surface. Simplicity was a luxury, that was the first lesson you'd learned out there.

"I think I could love more though."

"I would be willing to put money on the contrary, little miss."

"How can you be so certain?"

"Well, let me show you."

Cooper shifted his hips, bucking them into you. His cock was buried up to the hilt, a painful, dull ache that gave way to a shiver of pure pleasure, of brutal ecstacy. The movement shocked you, the tingling, pulsing, throbbing, divine feeling pulling a scream from your lungs.

Cooper laughed, feeling certain that he'd proved to you that it was just lust, and that his cruel disregard for your comfort in favour of getting his dick stroked deep by your cunt was proof that you couldn't love more of him.

It hadn't worked.

[gwinnetts]

DON’T REBLOG. REPOST.

                                                    Bold what applies.

[ EDWARD DEEGAN ]

[ BODY ]

LONG LEGS.  short legs.  average legs.  slender thighs.  THICK THIGHS.  TONED THIGHS.  skinny arms.  soft arms.  TONED ARMS.  TONED STOMACH.  flat stomach.  flabby stomach.  soft stomach.  six-pack.  beer belly.  child pudge.  lean frame.  BEEFY/MUSCULAR FRAME.  voluptuous frame.  petite frame.  lanky frame.  short nails.  long nails.  manicured nails.  dirty nails.  claws.  flat ass.  toned ass.  THICK ASS.  bubble butt.  small waist.  average waist.  THICK WAIST.  narrow hips.  AVERAGE HIPS.  wide hips.  BIG FEET.  average feet.  small feet.  soft feet.  slender feet.  paws. CALLOUSED HANDS.  soft hands.  BIG HANDS.  average hands.  small hands.  LONG FINGERS.  short fingers.  average fingers.  narrow shoulders.  BROAD SHOULDERS.  average shoulders.  underweight.  average weight.  overweight.  

[ HEIGHT ]

shorter than 140 cm. 141 cm-150 cm. 151 cm to 160 cm. 161 cm to 170 cm. 171 cm TO 180 cm. 181 cm to 190 cm. 191 CM TO 2 M. taller than 2 m.

[ SKIN ]

pale.  rosy.  olive.  dark.  mutant.  tanned.  blotchy.  smooth.  moles.  acne.  dry greasy.  freckled.  SCARS.  birthmarks.

[ EYES ]

small.  large.  AVERAGE.  grey.  brown.  BLUE.  violet.  pink.  green.  gold.  hazel.  CRIMSON.  doe-eyed.  almond.  close-set.  wide-set.  deep-set.  squinty.  monolid.  heavy eyelids.  upturned.  downturned.

[ HAIR ]

thin.  thick.  fine.  normal.  greasy.  dry.  soft.  shiny.  curly.  frizzy.  wild.  unruly.  straight.  smooth.  wavy.  floppy.  cropped.  pixie-cut.  afro.  shoulder length.  back length.  waist length.  past hip-length.  buzz cut.  BALD.  weave.  hair extensions.  jaw length.  layered.  mohawk.  ponytail.  dreadlocks.  box braids.  faux locks.  white.  platinum blonde.  golden blonde. dirty blonde.  blonde.  strawberry blonde.  ombre.  ash brown.  mouse brown.   chestnut brown.  golden brown.  chocolate brown.  dark brown.  jet black.  ginger.  red.  auburn.  dyed.  mutant.  thin eyebrows.  average eyebrows.  thick eyebrows.  plucked eyebrows.

[ TATTOOS / PIERCINGS ]

full sleeve.  thigh tattoo.  neck tattoo.  chest tattoo.  back tattoo.  shoulder blade tattoo.  one tattoo.  face tattoo.  hand tattoo.  a few here and there.  multiple.  NO TATTOOS.  monroe piercing.  nose piercing.  septum.  nipple piercing(s).  genital piercing(s).  industrial piercings.  earlobe piercings.  prince albert piercing.  eyebrow piercing(s).  tongue piercing(s).  lip piercing(s).  top of the ear.  tragus piercing.  angel bites.  labret.  stretched out ears.  navel piercing.  inverse navel piercing.  cheek piercing(s).  smiley.  nape piercing(s).  NO PIERCINGS.

[ COSMETICS ]

eyeliner.  light eyeliner.  heavy eyeliner.  cat eyes.  mascara.  fake eyelashes.  matte lipstick.  regular lipstick.  lipgloss.  red lips.  pink lips.  nude lips.  dark lips.  bronzer.  highlighter.  eyeshadow.  neutral eyeshadow.  smoky eyes.  colorful eyeshadow.  blush.  lipliner.  light contouring.  heavy contouring.  powder.  matte foundation.  shiny foundation.  concealer.  wears war paint from time to time.  wears make-up regularly.  wears it from time to time.  rarely wears make-up.

[ SCENT ]

floral.  herbal.  earthy.  fruity.  perfumes.  aftershave.  cocoa.  moisturizer.  shampoo.  CIGARETTES.  LEATHER.  fur.  sweat.  food.  incense.  marijuana.  cologne.  whiskey.  wine.  fried food.  blood.  fire.  cold.  fresh.  metal.  RAIN.  chemicals.  sea salt.

[ CLOTHES ]

JEANS.  tight pants.  overknee socks.  tights.  leggings.  yoga pants.  breeches.  pencil skirt.  tight skirt.  loose skirt.  tight/form-fitting dress.  cardigans.  tunic.  blouse.  BUTTON UP SHIRT.  BAND T-SHIRT.  sports t-shirt.  sweatpants.  TANKTOP.  cut off t-shirt.  designer.  high street.  LEATHER JACKET.  thrift.  lingerie.  long skirt.  miniskirt.  maxidress.  sun dress.  tie.  tuxedo.  cocktail dress.  uniform.  high slit dress/skirt.  T-SHIRT.  loose clothing.  tight clothing.  jean shorts.  sweater.  sweater vest.  waistcoat.  khaki pants.  suit.  hoodie.  harem pants.  basketball shorts.  boxers/boxer-briefs.  thong.  hotpants.  hipster panties.  bra.  sports bra.  crop top.  corset.  ballerina skirt.  leotard.  polka dot.  stripes.  glitter.  COTTON.  linen.  silk.  lace.  LEATHER.  velvet.  patterns.  florals.  neon colors.  pastels.  light colors.  white.  black.  dark colours.  fur/fauxfur.  revealing clothing.  heavy armor.  MEDIUM ARMOR.  light armor.  magnificent hats.  helmet.  fingerless gloves.  bandage wraps.

[ SHOES ]

sneakers.  slip-ons.  flats.  slippers.  sandals.  high heels.  kitten heels.  ankle boots.  COMBAT BOOTS.  knee-high.  platforms.  stripper heels.  bare feet.  loafers.  oxfords.  gladiator shoes.  LEATHER BOOTS.

Tagged by: @pickdroses Tagging: @legiate​ @couriersmiles​ @broadcastm​ @prcjectpurity​ @womanlives​ @hubflowcr​ @a-minutes-notice​ @wastedinawasteland​ and YOU. STEAL IT!

[vivildicno]

My Monster High Reboot Pt. 1: Frankie Stein.

Age: 1 year and 3 months.

Backstory: Her father, the monster Frankenstein, had isolated many years ago due to his bad temper and the harm it meant for other people. He lost all the contact with his creator and when 30 years had passed he felt very lonely, so he started studying not only how to create life without making the mistakes that Viktor had made with him, but also how to blend in with society and how to raise a teen. Like this he created Frankie, and for a year they stayed at home while he taught her to control her emotions and her powers, and how to be a part of society according to what he had read. After that, he agreed to let her attend monster high.

Personality: She has very strong emotions and opinions, and sometimes takes things way too far (good or bad), but at the end of the day she does it because she loves her friends a lot. She’s very open minded and always comes up with good ideas or advice for any situation. At the begining she was very awkward bc she folowed a lot of what her father taught her, but now knows when to use what. Very Explorative.

Style: Likes to wear comfy yet cute things since her stitches still hurt or itch sometimes, but hopes to wear other thing someday.

Romantic Relationships: She is still figuring out what she likes, so she is trying out dating ghouls, mansters and non binaries, but nothing serious. Within these monsters you can find Holt, Jackson and Iris.

Friends: She’s friends with everyone she has tried dating, but is closest with the main squad. Lagoona was the first one to approach her. Draculaura invited her to have lunch and tells stories that amaze her. Clawdeen always corrects her nicely. She shares the interest about science with ghoulia. She thought Cleo was being mean, but when she realized she was just protecting her friends and they got over their diferences they started hanging out a lot and the age difference results some in great conversations. When Abbey arrives she’s the first one to recieve her and Frankie loves her different way of seeing the world. Deuce, Clawd and Heath always encourage her to try new things (even if most of the time they end up ina disaster).

Interests: Creating life (she creates her dog and eventually Hoodude for a class) and different sports, as many as she can try even though they always end ups with one of her limbs flying away however she does not want to commit to any of them. She also likes going shopping with her friends but rarely buys anything.

[arimayusa]

thoughts on the tokyo ghoul movie

so I saw it yesterday and woAH the movie was amazing, but I ended up knocking out before I finished typing up all my thoughts, but now that i'm done with all my work for today, it’s time to post my opinions about the live action tg movie!! :D

(this is really long and includes a bunch of spoilers about the movie so it will be under the cut)

Masataka Kubota is an awkward adorable dork, case closed & Hide was really well casted too! 

his cheerfulness and loud attitude really emphasized how opposite and introverted Kaneki is in comparison

I was happy to see that Kaneki’s desk was littered with books (like a crap ton of books), basically mplying he was a literature major without actually stating so + showing his love for books

SEN TAKATSUKI!!!! (sadly she wasn’t there but at least her name was mentioned)

omg Kaneki had such a stupid grin after looking at his calendar marked with "date with Rize"

only noticed it cause I saw it at the TG cafe, but Kaneki had a picture of him and Hide in elementary school taped on the top of his desk

the whole date with Rize was super awkward (especially the pasta part lol) but I think it created a strange (in a good way) tone leading up to the surprise of Rize’s reveal

omg the actress who played Rize was so good too :0 like the the shift in the pitch of her voice from shy and cute to the deeper, sensual one like in the anime when she revealed that she was a ghoul was so gooood

pretty sure the two people I went with were weirded out by how much I was giggling as Kaneki got flung around like a ragdoll by Rize

I thought the funeral scene was a nice touch, showing how Kaneki's been alone for so long (except for Hide of course)

Hide's drawing of a ghoul from the manga was still included even though it didn’t happen in Anteiku in the beginning (instead it was by on Kaneki's Campus notebook which was also on display at the TG cafe)

when Kaneki hallucinates Rize in his room, her shadow was a centipede on the ceiling!!! 

that was a neat reference thrown in for the fans since we don't make it to Aogiri arc in the movie

that was one of the many things that only manga readers would've understood (which made the movie even more fun for me since that means if was made with that intention and care)

askdflkef when Touka threw cake at Kaneki after getting pissed off I was just like "lmao he's gonna get you a cake for your wedding later you know"

once again, of course Nishiki was perfect casting

I laughed a little too hard when Kimi was embarrassed & Nishiki kept staring at her chest with a blank stare while Hide and Kaneki just kinda stood at the door to his room

the Kaneki licking Hide's face scene™ was so funny (there’s all the Hidekane we gonna get y’all)

one thing that was real cute (cause it happened several times throughout the movie) was Touka telling Kaneki that he was an idiot and to stop crying and after the 1st time (when he learned he could drink coffee), Touka started saying it in a teasing tone rather than an angry one

the scene where Mado and Amon were introduced was actually pretty intimidating, it was right after they killed Hinami’s dad and Mado had Amon smash the ghouls hands with a rock that got bloodier as he continued (luckily the hand was off screen) in order to open

Amon's actor whoo boy (even my mom thought he was hot lmao)

oh my the scene where Mado held up the donut and asked "can you fall in love with this,” Amon was just staring at the donut (but we all know he was nodding inside guys)

(ok now this is me writing the day after aka today and I'm already forgetting the order of certain scenes so this may be slightly out of order rip)

Yoriko was so cute!!!! her actress was really pretty I wish we saw more of her... 

I thought the food scene was kinda awkward though since it's wasn't at their school, but it was funny when Kaneki asked to have some too and Touka wouldn't let him have any

I was trying to look for Touka's bunny charm but I didn't notice it!! I did see something on Yoriko's bag though???

the “shuu” kanji scene was done a little differently but I liked it more

lol Hinami first asked Touka how to read the kanji but she didn’t know (because Touka-chan is bad at Japanese) so Kaneki explained

then Touka was just like "haha yeah that's it" pretending that she had just forgotten and Hinami straight savage calls her out, saying that Touka didn't know in the first place

Kaneki and Hinami both giggled at Touka and ahhh it was so cute, they felt like a family

the process in which Amon, Mado, and Kusaba determined who Ryouko and Hinami were made A LOT more sense in the movie than the animeit showed almost the entire process of them finding evidence starting from simply a string of fabric left behind on Hinami’s father’s clothes

*winks aggressively at Ishida and the director for the graffiti of a scythe and XIII in the background*

Hajime made his cameo the same way he did in the manga (and BOY DID I WANNA SLAP HIM RIGHT THERE that kid has a shady look on his face already I stg)

oh yeah the kagune! I thought they looked pretty decent actually

I liked how the scales shimmered and stuff, but of course some scenes kinda looked too CGI-y (especially the fight with Nishiki)

#blessed that they included the "I would be sad if you died Touka-chan scene"

the training montage with Kaneki and Touka / Amon was so cooooool (ok stfu Alyssa you just loved it cause you got to see strong Touka & shirtless Amon)

omg Kaneki apologizing after landing a hit on Touka for the first time was adorable ok

Touka's overalls when they went to HySy were really cute. I want to draw it when the movie comes out online later

idk why but I kept laughing at the little wrist watch radios that Amon and Mado had on their arms to contact each other???? it was just really weird and funny to see for some odd reason

ohh ok probably one of my favorite scenes was when Kaneki just started fucking speeding towards Amon's car which caused him to jam the brakes (bc some random hooded dude is just sprinting towards you in the middle of the street what else would you do)

then Kaneki just freakin jumps on it all slow mo and flips it over because he's dramatic like that

idk if this was in the manga but Doujima rotated and grinded Kaneki's kagune during the fight (which made more sense then a lollipop that Amon just swings around)???

besides some of the awkward shots in the movie, my only other criticism was that some of the fight scenes were drawn out way too long

Amon and Kaneki's was ok for the most part, but Touka and Mado's fight felt REALLY drawn out. they kept just standing and talking a lot

I tried it on when I was at the cafe but seeing Kaneki wearing the mask during his fight was way cooler and the shot of him unzipping it was noice 

when Kaneki started losing his sanity during the fight with Amon, Kubota had this really psychotic laugh that made me giggle a lot ahhh

yo guys there was a bloody tear from Kaneki's ghoul eye that dripped onto Amon's right eye (his future ghoul eye)... like much wow such foreshadowing director/ishida

near the end, Amon brings flowers to Mado’s grave, but sadly Akira doesn’t show up cryy

all in all I thought it was a very enjoyable, pretty accurate adaptation (definitely one of the best anime live actions & *cough* better than the anime)

I went with two people who knew very little about TG, except for it’s premise, and they thought the movie was really good themselves (although a little too much blood in one of their opinions). Throughout the movie there was a bunch of hidden stuff for fans & probably a bunch more symbolism that I missed so I can't wait to rewatch it in the future (I wish I could go see it again this week tbh) and find even more stuff!!

oh one more thing! the credits were really pretty with BANKA playing in the background and there was some cool art during the scroll

I got pictures of three of them: the Owl/Dog/Ape, Touka's kagune, and Hinami's kagune!

[bunnygotchi]

38 boyf riends??? You write so amazingly❤️

38. “You fainted…straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn’t have to go to such extremes.” 

thank you so much for the compliment omg !!! ok so this is an au where the squip is helping jeremy get michael instead of christine. and they’re like , not crazy lmao. also i use they/them pronouns for the squip in this bc it’s confirmed that squips have no gender so !!!

              “Jeremy? Hey, man, come back to me.”

               Jeremy blinked slowly, slowly feeling himself come back to reality. His body really hurt. Ahhh, his head too. Shit. Maybe he was dead.

                “Afraid not. Come on, get up.” Another voice came now. Oh. He opened his eyes all the way now, and saw Michael in front of him, leaning over him with worry in his face. Was he in Michael’s room?

                “Jesus Christ. Thank God.” Michael sighed, running his hands through his hair and laughing shakily. Jeremy sat up slowly, realizing that he was on Michael’s bed. He hesitated for a moment before turning his head to the left, and there was his SQUIP.

                “Yo, Earth to Jeremy. You just scared the shit out of me, man.” Michael said, and Jeremy looked back to him. He squinted, trying to remember just exactly what the hell just happened.

                “…Did I do something?” Jeremy said, his voice quiet and strained. Michael blinked at him for a moment.

               "Uh, yeah. You did a lot of things, dude.“

               "You’re welcome.” The SQUIP’s voice came again. Jeremy froze. Oh. Oh shit.

               "What did you do?“ Jeremy directed this at his SQUIP, turning his head to look at them again. The SQUIP shrugged.

                "You wished for a more intimate form of connection with Michael. I have gotten you that, haven’t I?” They stated simply.

                “What do you mean what did I do? You’re the one who did everything, not me!” Michael said, forcing Jeremy back into reality. Again, he turned back to Michael.

                “Looking as though you’re talking to yourself is not a very good way to go about wooing him, Jeremy.” The SQUIP said.

                Shut up, Jeremy thought at them.

                “Sorry…so, uh…what happened?” Jeremy asked Michael. Michael sighed, looking a little embarrassed now.

                “Welllll…” Michael started.

                “I feel as though this afternoon went along quite well. Michael’s pheromones have increased as he looks at you.” The SQUIP said. Jeremy felt his face get hot. This was not good.

               "So we decided to, like, go out and try and score that new game, right? Fight Of The Living Ghouls XXI?“

               "Oh, right. Okay, I remember that.” Jeremy muttered.

               "Right, yeah. Okay…so we got to Wal-Mart and the game was all sold out ‘cause we didn’t get there early enough. So we were like okay, let’s go do something else, and I asked you what we should do…“

               "You took my suggestion.” The SQUIP said flatly. Jeremy’s ears were red.

                “…you said that we should go to the park, which was kinda weird because usually we just go to my basement and play video games or go to your house and order pizza and hang out or something, but I was like yeah, sure, maybe it’s good for the dweebs to exit their caves for once–”

                “An optimal time for bonding and stimulation.”

                 Shit.

                “–so we did that, and it was fine, I guess, and–”

                “Thinking about this event has caused Michael to perspire, signifying an increase in arousal or infatuation. Jeremy, as I have been telling you, Michael already sees you as you want him to. Getting him is going to be easy - best to just admit it all at once to him.”

                We didn’t do that, did we? Like, tell him? Jeremy thought anxiously, feeling himself getting sweaty.

               "Oh, no. But I did help you get his attention.“ The SQUIP sounded too calm for the panic buzzing in Jeremy’s mind.

               ”–well, you started being a little weird, like…uh, I don’t know, you were talking kind of funny, like shit you don’t normally say to me, but you’re pretty weird sometimes so I was like hey, whatever floats your goat, buddy–“

               "He is inexperienced in flirting, so our advances made him nervous. Though the blood did rush to his face very much, so I would not say that this aspect was a failure.”

                Wait, he was blushing?

                “Very much so.”

                Why don’t I remember any of this?

                “Michael is explaining.”

                 Jeremy focused back on Michael again, and he seemed to be blushing pretty hard right now. Jesus, what the hell did he end up doing?

                 "….But, uh….well, you, y'know, you kept talking, and then suddenly you…“ Michael swallowed hard, avoiding eye contact for a moment and pushing up his glasses. ”…You fainted…straight into my arms.“

                "I did WHAT?!” Jeremy exclaimed. He felt his own face getting hot.

                “Michael is a fan of old movies, is he not?” The SQUIP commented. “Those cheesy romcoms as well, though I cannot see the appeal in them, myself. I shut down part of your consciousness momentarily so you collapsed in his arms. He then carried you back to his house. Very reminiscent of those movies he loves so much. It was a way to stimulate the idea in his mind of romantic endeavors with you.”

                Jeremy stared at Michael, both of them red in the face and uncomfortable. The SQUIP, however, seemed very self-satisfied in their work.

               "…You know, if you wanted my attention you didn’t have to go to such extremes.” Michael muttered. Okay. Jeremy thought he might faint again, but on his own terms.

               "N…no, I…I didn’t do that, it was–“

               "Was it the SQUIP?” Michael asked, turning to look at him now. “Were they trying to hurt you or something? Are you okay?”

               "Unbelievable…“ The SQUIP muttered.

               "I’m okay! Really! They weren’t trying to like, do anything bad…”

               "So, uh….what the fuck, SQUIP?“ Michael asked, looking at different directions as if he would be able to actually see the SQUIP in his room.

               "Oh, please,” They huffed. “Jeremy. This is an optimal time for confession. Plus, he is bothering me. Acting as if I’m the villain here…he should be thanking me.”

               "You made me faint, scaring the shit out of him, and you expect him to thank you?!“ Jeremy shouted this out loud without thinking, getting heated quickly.

               "You talking to them?” Michael asked, looking in the direction Jeremy was so his eyes were on the SQUIP. “Yeah!! That was really scary! I almost called 9/11 but he was breathing so I thought it might’ve just been heat exhaustion, so I took him in here and put all my fans on full blast and stuff! But I was really ready to piss my pants!! Don’t do that to him!”

               "Teenage boys are exhausting,“ The SQUIP sighed, rubbing his temple with two fingers. "Even if Michael was panicked, that was just more fuel for adrenaline, which increased certain emotions such as romantic feelings and libido. I was doing you a favor, Jeremy. Honestly, I cannot think of how this would have gone better. Please tell him to stop yelling.”

               "What did they say?“ Michael asked. Jeremy groaned, putting his face in his hands for a moment before looking back at Michael.

               "They told you to stop yelling.”

               "That all?“

               Jeremy exhaled slowly, really bad at all of this. Just like…emotions. Especially with Michael. How the hell was he supposed to say this?

               "Don’t be foolish, Jeremy,” The SQUIP started in exasparation. “I have set up the perfect scene for your feelings to become evident. Don’t blow it.”

                “You aren’t helping…!” Jeremy groaned.

                “What did I do??” Michael asked, raising his eyebrows.

                 "No! Not you!“

                 "Oh! What did they tell you?”

                  “They’re trying to make me say something…”

                  “So say it!”

                  “I can’t!!”

                  “Why not??”

                  “Because–”

                  “For God’s sake.” The SQUIP groaned. Without warning, Jeremy stumbled forward, arms and legs moving without him telling them to. His hand moved out and pulled the front of Michael’s hoodie down to him, and he met his lips in a clumsy kiss.

                 "There,“ The SQUIP sighed. "To shut both of you up.”

                 They were both wide-eyed for a moment, unsure of how to react, what to do. They were inexperienced and awkward, and they had both spent a long time repressing a lot of feelings for each other. But after a moment of this, Michael’s eyes slipped shut and he wrapped his arms around Jeremy’s back, pulling him close and taking the lead in the kiss. Jeremy exhaled through his nose, heart pounding, and felt his eyes close as well as he relaxed into the kiss.

                Soon, Michael pulled back, exhaling quietly as he peered at Jeremy with a big grin plastered on his face. It was infectious - Jeremy began to smile, too.

                “I knew it,” Michael laughed. “Your SQUIP really isn’t that bad after all.”

[mynlov]

10/12/17

went to see a rlly sad play today: people, places and things

it wasn’t the best thing i’ve ever seen in my life but at one point the main character talked abt feeling like she couldn’t take herself srsly enough to prioritize her own happiness / it was also abt acting and playing parts and they rlly made me think abt who we are etc, all that deep stuff that’s been thought abt so many times it’s like dirty laundry that u can never wash haha

but anyway i believe in intrinsic value, maybe bc i have to and i realized that or maybe bc idk whether i believe in god or not (probably not) but i need sth to hold on to, who knows

it was good not to be in lessons though and i got enough sleep last night and i caught up on work / i made a slightly depressing post on my priv ytd and **** asked me if i was ok during break today and i felt rlly bad and tried to explain that i don’t want ppl not to think i’m ok but then i felt stupid bc there’s no possible explanation for making that post aside from being ridiculously self-absorbed

i was talking to **** the other day abt how i found out that there are 2 types of ppl, selfish or altruistic and that you can be on the spectrum but there is no sitting on the fence and there IS a turn-over point / and how i know some ppl (...) who r so inherently selfish even when caring abt other ppl that they can never let go of themselves or prioritize anyone else and it’s rlly sad bc they end up treating the ppl that love them like shit (it shouldn’t be THAT sad bc the ppl who love her only love her bc they’re family, it’s like obligatory love. i technically hate her. i mean there’s probably people who do love her as a person but i cannot understand them. how can you love somebody who will never treat you like they love you more than they love themselves. and yet there is the ugly truth? about me? why do i need somebody to love me more than they love themselves? do i love anyone more than i love myself? yes... sometimes. i think i have the potential to, but then again i always say that potential is not enough sooo)

but back to what i told ****, i think i’m inherently selfish as well even though i would often pick other ppl over myself / even so i always feel sorry for myself, am aware of my own presence in situations and can’t get rid of the idea that i don’t like the shape of my presence, it’s awkward, always too big and attention-seeking and i thought i learned to let it bother me less but i think now it bothers me more and more

and i keep thinking about university and how i can’t wait to be around a bunch of people who don’t know me so i don’t have to speak to them and ruin everything / but also i wonder if i’ll just speak anyway and say too much all over again and then ppl will know me for who i am (but it’s strange to be an ambivert or whatever bc i feel sort of like an empty shell, like what i tell everyone is what i THINK i feel but what i actually feel is so different that i can’t put it into any sort of coherent sentence. i just want ppl to be happy though, i do know that. i’m kind of scared in a weird and incomprehensible way that if i stay here much longer, which i will for a while until i leave school, everyone will know too many things abt me which i thought were true when they found them out, but which might not be true now or might never have been true. and then there’ll be a bunch of ppl out there who know things abt me that i don’t want to be known, either because i don’t like them or because they are not true. and will i get rid of this persona that i’ve created for myself while i was too busy being tired/angry/sad/scared? aaaaa)

this morning i saw mr ***** walking his kids to school again and we waved at each other, it makes me feel so happy when i see people who have lives with shape and a sort of purpose (not in a dramatic way, as in: i like looking into people’s houses when u can see through the windows because it’s dark and seeing their rooms and people sitting at their desks, because my life here doesn’t often have shape. only when i’m on the beanbags with **** and *** watching tokyo ghoul or a movie or when i’m drinking shhh with **** and **** and *** or when i’m walking around town with **** or generally when we’re sitting in a place that isn’t as in-betweeny or scent-less as a boarding house) and i also love seeing children bc i think being a child is so weird and free and i wish i’d been less dramatic about having nothing to do when i was a kid. i also wish i’d been less of a perfectionist and enjoyed what i had while i still had it (time, mostly. i had SO much time). mr ***** has a dog and he talks to his children but they never say anything back. the other day he said something to me in passing and touched my arm and it was so friendly and it honestly made my day so much better...why? i think i need to be around new people, really badly. even being with ***** was like breathing fresh air after being inside all day. it was also that, of course, since i was outside properly for the first time in ages. 

anyway, i feel a little bit better now but i shouldn’t procrastinate or everything will go to shit again! now i’ll try to do a load of work :/