#// i really hope these aren't from the twilight saga

[txttletale]

Do you have recs for combatless rpgs? sorry if someones asked this ! im getting into ttrpgs now and its just pretty hard to find anything non combat focused ?

i recommended wanderhome (melancholy animal roadtrip), dream askew (queer postapocalyptic survival), microscope (collaborative worldbuilding), and crescent moon (kids learning and growing in a fantasy land) in resposne to an ask earlier today. other great rpgs that aren't combat focused include:

chuubo's marvelous wish-granting engine: i'll level with you, if you're just getting into rpgs this one might be A Lot because it's quite mechanically complex. but it's a beautiful game about having ghibliesque coming-of-age adventures in a surreal dreamy world.

nobilis is by the same person (jenna moran, a genuine game design pioneer and genius) -- it's about being godlets, the living embodiments of concepts from the concrete to the abstract. you might find yourself fighting in this game, but it's unlikely to look anything like 'combat'.

brindlewood bay, which is about being elderly women investigating murders.

pasión de las pasiones, a pbta (powered by the apocalypse) game about doing ridiculous romance drama shit based on telenovelas

monsterhearts, about teenaged monsters having weird drama and exploring their sexuality. think buffy or twilight, but queerer

pigsmoke, about being professors at a college of magic and competing to see who can publish the best paper (yes, really)

the girlfriend of my girlfriend is my friend, about... i mean i think the title makes it pretty clear! being gay and poly and kinda broke

it's been a long, long, time, about two people who used to date, their relationship, their lives after it, and their reunion

sagas of the icelanders, about being viking settlers in iceland during the saga period and playing out quasimythical dramas

hieronymous, about being a bunch of sinners making your way across hieronymous bosch's garden of earthly delights

thousand year old vampire, a solo journalling game about being a vampire and living through long stretches of history

blow up hamlet, where your table performs hamlet while changing the plot and improvising new plot beats at semi-random

slugblaster, about being rowdy teens hoverboarding through interdimensional rifts in the spirit of 90s teen movies

woo! that's a fuckin' lot of ttrpgs, but i wanted to give a lot of suggestions because i think it's so important for people getting into the hobby to understand the breadth of games out there and how far from the popular image created by D&D they can go! there are two-player and GM-less and even one-player games on this list. you can do anything! the world of rpgs is so fucking wide and beautiful. good luck and i hope you find something that speaks to you!

(oh, also, my game, most trusted advisors -- about being the untrustworthy privy council to a dipshit king and falling over each other's nested dipshit schemes -- has no combat in it. just saying!)

[solisnocte]

anonymous asked: Sorry, I haven't read the books, can you go more indepth with Meyer's interpretation of werewolves as a metaphor for social class? Thank you!

of course i can ! thank you for the ask, first & foremost. there's some great resources that i will link throughout my response. it's important to note that i will be very critical of smeyer, especially due to her inexcusable use of appropriation for a culture she really knew nothing about, so feel free to skip if that's not a conversation you're willing to have. i'd like to keep the discussion civil in the comments.

smeyer's werewolves are interesting, if only for the reason that they are not turned into werewolves, but born into it. it's a clear distinction from the vampires, who are made monsters. the werewolves in the twilight saga come from lower income & seemingly " broken " family dynamics while the vampires in the series ( the cullens ) are seen as rich with a model family unit.

the werewolves are seen as violent by default, to the point that they scare their loved ones, even going as far as to harm them. this is a topic for a whole other conversation, but considering the rates of domestic violence against indigenous women, this was in incredibly poor taste, just like most of her werewolf lore. we don't need to get into her iteration of imprinting, either.

not only did she alienate an entire culture, she also used werewolves as a metaphor for white fear. the werewolves are born monsters, unable to control themselves due to their anger, who can't change who they are, & who are dangerous by default. ON TOP OF THAT, we learn in the final book that the tribe aren't even actual werewolves, but rather shapeshifters, & the true, real werewolves are actually EUROPEAN ! smeyer makes an effort to create a clear distinction from this european counterpart, going as far as to have the volturi want the shapeshifters as their own personal guard dogs.

it is all incredibly rooted in racism, but i hope that answered your question.

[chaoticneutralbell]

Thank You And Hello

In which Lucien tracks down his leprechaun. ft @lucienmelaina

LUCIEN

The last thing Lucien expected when he returned home after spending the night at Mayra's was a clean house. He had never been a particularly untidy person, but somewhere between his own health declining and his brother needing extra care, the apartment had fallen into a state of disarray that was only getting worse by the day.

It took a note on the kitchen counter and a quick explanation from his brother to get him back onto his feet and on the way to the school, looking for the person responsible. Spotting the blonde head he didn't really recognize hunched over some notebooks, he knocked on the already open door to make his presence known.

"Lucy, I presume?" he asked, holding up the note with her signature at the end.

LUCY

She'd been noodling a new idea for the kids when the knock startled her. "What? Oh!" The note was a tremendously handy clue. She was glad past-Lucy had left it.

A push to her feet and Lucy crossed the room. "Yep - hope it didn't weird you out. I didn't mess with anything I thought would be private." The un-confession was blurted, chased with her bubbling laugh. "Which probably sounds way suspicious."

Waving around the room, she added, "Did you wanna sit?" A beat pause to consider his height and Lucy added, "They aren't all kiddie size. Mine even has wheels."

LUCIEN

"That sounds exactly like what someone who has gone through my drawers would say," Lucien replied and partly accepted her invitation, leaning against one of the desks, which were more suitable for his height and easier to get out of whenever he chose to go. "Fortunately for me, I am pretty boring."

He looked over at her for a second, taking in the sight of this new person who had gone to such lengths to help him and his brother live under decent conditions. "That was incredibly nice of you, especially considering you don't even know me. Did you just trust I deserve it because of the name similarity?"

LUCY

Giggles bubbled out of her. "No! I especially didn't see any of the erotica about your neighbors." Leaning in, her voice turned conspiratorial. "And I wouldn't call that description of Father Theo boring."

Lucy watched him, briefly confused before a smile dawned. "Oh, you really *are* Ares brother, aren't you?" She gestured to the note. "You were my assignment! For the Pot of Gold thing!"

She slid into the chair at the desk Lucien chose. "It was kinda tricky to spy on you, what with the reclusive eccentric shtick. Lucky me, I happen to know someone on the inside."

LUCIEN

"Darling, when I finally write the Great Redwood Saga, I will not hide it away. It will be compulsory reading material for everyone," he laughed along with her.

"Oh, I got that. I just assumed pot of gold meant someone getting me a nice mug or something of the like. Not going out of their way to make sure I don't leave in a stable." He looked down to wher she was sitting, intrigued. "I have a feeling I should be insulted, but your actions have granted you the benefit of the doubt. Care to elaborate on this grand scheme of yours?"

LUCY

Her eyebrows shot up, another hoot of laughter. "Saga like Dune or saga like Twilight? Because I - well, actually? Fuck it, I'd read both." She thumbed over her shoulder to indicate the room. "Can't guarantee it'd be approved material here, though."

Lucy pulled a face. "Nah - it was just a challenge to do something nice! I don't think there was a restriction on the form it took?" It'd be wonk if it had to be a physical present.

"About the eccentric shtick? Nah, nah, nah. It was just a challenge is all." Flopping back in the chair, Lucy's grin widened. "I'm afraid I cannot reveal my secrets, lest you install preventative measure against future sneaking."

LUCIEN

"I'd hope for Dune, but knowing the people around this place, it would turn into something much more unhinged," he half-joked. In another universe, the apocalypse gets magically resolved and he becomes a very very rich man from said Redwood Saga. "Do you happen to be a reader?"

"Oh, I think you played by the rules perfectly. I just didn't expect it, that's all. Which, I suppose, was the premise of the whole setup, so kudos on that as well," he smiled back at her. "I am more than okay with you keeping your secrets. And if I find my kitchen mopped one evening, I will gladly pretend it was the elves that did it."

LUCY

"Hell, yeah, dude." She indicated their surroundings. "I may not teach literature, but that doesn't mean I don't love books. Brave New World was always a favorite." Obviously the guy managing all the books would love them; Lucy didn't need to ask.

Fingers laced over her stomach, she stretched her legs out and crossed them at the ankle. "You may be shocked to learn that you're not the first person to find my choices and behavior unpredictable."

She did sit up at the idea that she'd be mopping his place again. "Is the Pot of Gold shit recurring? I didn't think I was committing to monthly chores, performed gratis."

LUCIEN

"Excellent choice," Lucien commented at her book pick, "although nowadays I find myself straying away from dystopian novels. You know, living in the dystopia and whatnot." He was always in favor of using novels as escapism, but some of them hit a little too close to home. "I used to write, you know, before all this. I have a feeling you would offer some valuable reviews," he offered- he wasn't one to incessantly promote his books, but he couldn't resist when he met someone who would either thoroughly enjoy them or completely despise them.

"No, I think you're safe on that front," he laughed at her sudden panic. "Although I don't know what new idea they will come up with after this. Maybe it's reverse pot of gold next time, and you get to wreak absolute havoc on my poor apartment."

LUCY

Eyes sparkling, Lucy giggled. "Thank you. But we were always in a dystopia, dude. Just lost the Somas." That he was a writer caught Lucy's curiosity. "No shit? You any good?" Lucien... Lucien... Hmm. What was their last name?

Lucy's laugh was more guffaw this time. "Yeah, right. That doesn't feel very Morale-y. Intriguing social experiment, though." The bait of nice gestures to the switch of malfeasance. "What'd you do for yours?" She paused and added, "And what would you do?"

LUCIEN

“I mean, some people used to think so. It doesn’t matter at all nowadays, but I made a living out of it once,” Lucien answered, his old life feeling very foreign to him.

“For mine?” he asked with a surrendered laugh. “Luck didn’t grant me any of my favorite people around him, but I chose to be a walking -limping- stereotype and got them a book. Nothing as extravagant or valuable as your gesture,” he explained, thinking back on his awkward but necessary encounter with Zack. “Does it make me a bad person that I didn’t put in much effort solely based on personal feelings?”

LUCY

"No shit," Lucy whistled low, impressed. "Was it wild, having people pay to read a bunch of shit you made up? Did you do tons of research or - I heard sometimes you can hire someone to research for you. Did you love it? Or - wait. Was it nonfiction?"

It was good he could joke about the bum leg. Lucy, however, slid her hands under the table while she spoke. "Yup. Bad person. Worst." She cracked a grin and changed the answer. "You did A Nice and didn't bitch out and those were really the only requirements... Unless you did it to be a little shit because they can't read or something."

LUCIEN

“Oh, definitely. And then a bunch if people decided to pay me to make a movie out of a bunch of shit I made up,” he tried to explain months of his life in a couple of sentences. “But it was definitely fiction, always been a big fan of escapism.”

“I don’t think I have that much spite in me,” he replied to her assumption. “Maybe I’m just too exhausted. But I do not judge people who decide to be little shits,” he glanced over at her, like that’s something that might be of interest to her.

LUCY

A movie out of his book - must have been dystopian YA. "What genre?" Escapism could be nearly anything - for Lucy it had been schoolwork, the kids, work-work. Always keeping her brain as distracted, as busy as possible. Already there had been unwise attempts in Redwood to occupy her attention, and Lucy wondered if taking a book soon wouldn't be a good idea.

"Spite is a great motivator, babe," Lucy tutted. "I survived a lot of shit specifically out of spite." She made little fists in her shirt under the table. Her phantom finger curled with the rest, and Lucy bit back the usual outburst of cursing.

"I'll remember that when I'm hiding from consequences." When she felt it safe, Lucy pushed to her feet. "C'mon, be my arm candy and I'll walk you home."

LUCIEN

"Historic fiction, mostly," Lucien explained, knowing that he shouldn't get into too much detail because he would not stop for hours. "But I've got some murder mystery too, if that's more your thing." He rarely promoted his own work, especially the older publications, but Lucy seemed like someone who would appreciate it. "If you're ever interested, just drop by the library, as you've noticed I'm pretty much always there."

He pushed himself off the desk, linking his free arm with hers, their height difference probably making them look ridiculous. "And I'll take that as a compliment as well. Lead the way."

[jadielxabrego]

jadiel’s transformed wolf form. 

[bluehwale]

mythical beings! ateez as your boyfriend

pairing. ateez x reader

genre. mdni, crack! (except for yunho bc it's a forbidden love! trope and i take that seriously) fluff? a dash of angst if you squint. smut (for san bc he's an incubus! rawr)

warnings. MYTHICAL BEINGS INFO INACCURACIES (i'm sorry), grammatical errors SMUT! unprotected sex (don't do this), creampie, corruption kink if you squint, overstimulation, the term 'good girl' lmao, yea i think that's it (it's my first time writing smut don't hv high hopes)

word count. almost 4k whoops i got carried away

note. idk what possessed me when i wrote yunho's part so apologies if it's too long and very much plot-y<3 ++ my brain's still muddled from a week of midterms and im still new to writing so pls lower ur expectations before pressing the keep reading button thanks xx (my asks are always open! ++ feedback would be greatly appreciated)

masterlist

hongjoong — demon

honestly the coolest demon ever

he'd be so nonchalant about his demon activities that it would unsettle you sometimes

"hey babe, just got home?"

"yeah, had an emergency meeting with the devil about potentially crashing heaven's weekly parties, no biggie. how was your day? :-D"

likes to grumble about how hell is so overpopulated that it feels hotter than it actually is

he's just a demon with a tough exterior but that all comes crashing down when he comes back home to your arms

would do ANYTHING to make you happy

one time you were both cuddling on the sofa just absentmindedly enjoying hongjoong's playlist played throughout the house when you suddenly asked,

"joong, aren't demons supposed to have horns?"

he looked at you and thought for a second, "hm, i'm pretty sure only the devil has horns. i guess that's another myth debunked"

you returned his gaze with mock disapointment, jutting out your bottom lip in a pout. "that's a shame. i think it's really hot."

the next day he shows up with a red devil horn headband on his head

...

"joong, what is this--," you let out a laugh when he turns to face you with a serious look on his face

the blush on the apples of his cheeks redden when you continue to laugh with the brightest grin that crinkles your eyes

he doesn't mind that he's making a fool out of himself as long as he gets to see you like this

"they were 50% off in the costume shop!"

he feels a smile creep into his face when you laugh a little bit harder

seonghwa — vampire

you first met seonghwa at a random halloween party

he was surprise surprise !! dressed as a vampire, and you were dressed as kim possible (call me beep me if you wanna reach me)

he just suddenly went up to you and complimented your outfit

so you were like, "thanks!! :-D i like your fangs, they look so real!"

and he just went, "hey thanks! they are real :-D"

"what :-D"

anyways!!! you started dating not too long after that <3

he'd just be one of the most dramatic vampires out there

he's the type to dramatically hiss and cover his face when you draw open the curtains in the morning

"gAaAaaGHh the sun!!!!! i'm burning!!!!!!!!"

and you'd just stand there like ...... "seonghwa you have a morning class today"

(yes, vampire! seonghwa goes to uni)

"can you believe this place doesn't have any vampire-friendly mirrors?? it's 2022!!! D-:<"

:-|

lives and breathes the twilight saga

one time you were walking home together and you noticed his skin sparkling

and no it's not the sun shining on him or the natural glow you'd get from sweat or oily skin because his skin was particularly BLINDING

he was excitedly talking about how his favorite professor complimented him on his recent project when you interrupted him, "hwa, wait a minute--"

three of your fingers swipe at his nape and actual arts & craft glitter came off his skin

"hwa, did you actually try to edward cullen-ficate yourself???"

pink dusted his cheeks and he could only abashedly scoff while trying his hardest to avoid eye contact with you

"psssshhh, what?! noooo,,, aha... what kinda weirdo would do that ahaha, whaaat? that's so weird.."

and then he used his super speed to run back to your shared appartment leaving you to walk back home ALONE >:-(

but besides that, he's super sweet

would let you leave fingerprint stains on his glass cabinets that encase his virginity corner star wars lego collection

HE LOVES YOU THAT MUCH OKAY

yunho — angel

he doesn't have a visible halo over his head but everyone just knows that he's an angel

sweetest, purest dude out there

but yunho kinda feels... trapped

his angel wings became this constant admonition that he has to be selfless and to always do "good"

i'd just imagine everyone telling yunho to stay away from you (a fellow angel) because you're labelled as this reckless troublemaker

but he just can't help being interested in you

so he made effort to know you and keep you close and in turn, you taught him that he doesn't have to live in fear of stepping out of the line sometimes

that it's okay to put yourself first

you both would sneak away to earth and pose as humans to have fun and abandon your duties for a while

he finds himself cherishing each and every moment he spent with you; exploring things the other angels would frown upon, but it didn't matter

so it didn't surprise him when he realized that he's utterly in love with you

his angel wings fluttered sporadically when you softly mutter your love to him in reciprocation with the beautiful smile he's known to love

when you made love for the first time, it was filled with shy giggles and soft reassurances because you're each other's firsts

you neither yunho cared about the other angels avoiding you and talking shit about you two. you're both happy and in love!!

but of course, heaven has its rules

and fate hits you with the truth, that you both can't be together, when you're held back from running to your lover that has both fear and tears in his eyes as black ink slowly engulf his once pure angel wings

a fallen angel, that's what they call you both. angels banished from heaven with your memories wiped and your wings rendered useless as compensation for falling in love

"i'll find you," he said. his voice remained sure yet frail in the midst of your own sobs and the chaos surrounding you both, but you heard him loud and clear. his watering eyes take in your trembling state and it breaks his heart to see you cry and try to fight against the restraints keeping you away from him because he knows that guilt is eating you alive

he knows that you blame yourself for letting him in, for falling in love with him, and for bringing this inevitable consequence upon him

but he knows that he'd do it all over again in a heartbeat, even if it leads to this very same ending

yeosang — fae

a tsundere! fae omg i have the vision i see it

he acts cold and indifferent towards you but all you wanna do is grab his attention!!!!!

as humans and faes don't really get along, your group of friends are different and they kinda disagree with you both interacting

but you don't really care because you mayhaps have a crush on him :3

he's really good with magic

you'd ooh and ahh whenever he does something with his magic and his cheeks would go red while he brushes it off with, "it's nothing" (and you're like no!! it's cool!!! and he would blush harder)

he knows you have a crush on him because a) it's obvious, and b) you've confessed to him multiple times (his replies always start with a "sorry, but.." and you would always reply with "it's okay, i just want to tell you. i'm not asking you to return your feelings:-)"

but lately you're kind of tired with the unreciprocated feelings you have for yeosang because.. well, you just feel pathetic

so one day you made it your mission to stop having feelings for him!!!!!!

yeosang noticed because you would avoid him like the plague

he was walking down the hallway when he saw you and was about to greet you when he saw you run to hide behind a trash can that doesn't even cover your entire figure

he was just like .... ok see you later i guess?

and this continued on for weeks! to the point where he feels down because he doesn't have his favorite human around and maybe because he has a crush on you too

so he dragged his ass to the nearest supermarket for humans and ignored all the weirded stares he got from other shoppers and bought all of your favorite snacks and drinks that are listed at the top of his head

he placed them all nicely in this cute paper bag and left it at the desk you always sit in for one of your shared classes

the happy grin on your face when you peeked at its contents lifted his mood even though you wouldn't know it's from him because he purposely left the sender anonymous in the small note for you

but you immediately know that it's him because you've listed these specific snacks only to him, plus the sweet wording of the note just gave him away (you knew it that he's actually sweet inside, you knew it!!)

anyways,, the reason why yeosang is so hesitant to make a move on you is because relationships between humans and faes are disapproved of:-( he doesn't want you hurt just because you're seen with him

but one day he saw you being circled by a bunch of faes and there's this look on your face that screams 'help!'

he felt his legs move to push his way to get to you before he fully registered on what's going on

one of the faes reached out to shove off yeosang when he put himself in between you and them to protect you. "man, why the fuck are you defending a human?"

"she's my girlfriend."

so yeah all fucks flew out the window that day and you both decided to start dating:-D

he's still into the tsundere act but you like to tease him because this man gets flustered over the tiniest things lmao

you'd like bicker lazily over something and you'd go, "mhm, but you love me don't you?"

and his ears, cheeks, and neck would get so red as if he's got the worst case of asian flush lmao and he'd look around the whole room just to avoid your gaze

"shut up" *still blushing*

san — incubus

you accidentally summoned him when you were trying to sell your soul to the devil in exchange for a 4.0 gpa

he just suddenly appeared on top of your coffee table lying down on his side with his elbow propping up his head

and you just kinda went, "ok great, how do we do this thing? do i have to sign papers or smth???"

he just looks at you all confused like ??? we don't need any of those, we can just fuck

and you're like WHAT! >:-o and he's like ... what do you expect from summoning an incubus? :-|

"A WHAT???"

anyways, the misunderstanding was set straight and san sheepishly asked if he could stay over for just 1 night because he can't go back to hell just yet

(he can actually go back to hell just fine but he just can't bring himself to face incubi! ateez's teasings for being rejected for the first time ever)

and you thought hm why not

he somehow stayed over for more than just that one night and then you guys fell in love!!!

it all started after the first night when you cooked pancakes for breakfast

san groggily woke up from the couch when he smells the strangely appetizing scent of whatever you're making

"oh great, you're awake! good morning!" you greet, while the raven haired boy dazedly blinks at your sight bustling in the kitchen before letting out a raspy 'morning' in return

you hear his feet clad in the thick fuzzy socks you lent him pitter patter against the hardwood floors as he made his way towards you with a yawn, "what are you doing?"

"i'm making us breakfast :-)"

demons don't eat actual food but san would hate to see your smile falter even the tiniest bit at his rejection of this unfamiliar food that you call 'pancakes'

his plate of pancake is cutely decorated with fresh berries and a smiley face drawn with maple syrup on top of the first layer of pancake

(he can't help but smile when you impatiently gesture at him to take a bite while your own plate of pancakes sit in front of you, forgotten)

you show him how to use his cutleries properly and he finally eats a bite of the pancake

"is it good?" you ask nervously, wide eyes waiting to catch his reaction

his eyebrows furrow as he shut his eyes at the pleasant sweetness overcoming his taste buds, "oh my god, i could eat this every day. are you a professional chef or something?"

your eyes sparkle as you grow flustered over his compliment, replying with a timid 'no' and san thinks you just might be sweeter than the maple syrup coating his tongue

he's the sweetest bf ever; would exaggerate his reactions at anything you do because it would elicit a cute giggle that would bring a smile to his face

but yknow

don't forget that he's an incubus

"You're doing so good for me."

San likes it when you're laid out all bare underneath him, hair fanned out prettily on the bed, with your cheeks flushed and your eyes threatening to flutter shut.

"Baby," he taps lightly against your cheek, momentarily distracting you away from the heavenly feeling of him dragging against every inch of your walls as he continues to snap his hips to meet yours. "Hey, eyes on me."

A whine spills out of your lips as you try and fail to force your eyes open, back arching and eyes rolling back instead, earning a tsk from San as he continues to bury his cock deeper by forcing your aching thighs apart and against your chest.

His thumb caresses your swollen clit lightly, your eyes immediately widening as you gasp at the overstimulation from the previous orgasms he's taken just from eating you out. Your body trembles as you wail underneath him, reaching out to grip his arm that prevents your thighs from closing shut. San groans when he feels your pussy clench tightly around him.

"There you are," he lazily smirks, cupping your cheek and giving you a peck on the lips when he finds that your dazed gaze is on him. "Fuck, you look so pretty like this."

"So wet, so tight, so pretty for me," his measured thrusts turns harsh as he fucks up into your dripping cunt with your moans and bouncing tits egging him on.

"I'm- I'm gonna cum!" you cry out as San fondles your clit, reveling in the tight grip of your pussy and the dirty words that come out of your sweet mouth as you gush uncontrollably around his cock.

San groans loudly as his hips sloppily thrusts a few more times before he fills you up with his second load of the day, twitching and spurting his thick warm cum inside you as he holds you while he comes down from his high.

He slips his softening cock out of your battered pussy, cream immediately leaking from your centre and dripping down your ass and inner thighs as you whine at the loss.

"God," San moans as he drags two of his fingers over your weeping cunt, his other hand softly pressing against your lower belly. He slides his fingers over your dripping slit, gathering his cum leaking from your hole to your clit, rubbing and pinching.

With a cry, your thighs shake as tears well up in your eyes at the feeling of another orgasm that washes over you, swollen cunt clenching around nothing that has his cum oozing out of you. You whimper at the overstimulation, batting away his hand that continues to brush over your inner thigh.

San pulls you into a tender kiss as he gently caress your cheek and finally leans back to catch his breath. His eyes glaze over your fucked out state and he smiles at the fond look you give him.

"Such a good girl," he softly praises, carefully cleaning you up with the warm cloth he took from the bathroom. You hum in reply, shutting your eyes with a content smile at your lips. You can't see him, but he grins anyways.

"I'm a lucky man."

mingi — werewolf

i kid you not, this mf would deadass unashamedly howl in public at random

"it's who i am, yn."

are you embarrassed? yes.

will you ever let him know that you feel absolutely mortified whenever strangers stare at you after your boyfriend basically barked?

never.

he might be a big ! absolutely not bad ! werewolf but he's actually so soft >:-( especially for you

gives the best hugs

he's just so big and warm which is why you always look for him to cuddle

gives the funniest reactions like fr,, which is why you LOVE to tease him

"mingi," "mhm?" "...you know that i'm always here for you right? i.. i won't judge if you,,, idk, want to keep your ears and tail in your human form--" "yn, for the last time, I'M NOT A FURRY"

omg you showed him the werewolf ripping shirt meme and he went error 404 because he doesn't know whether he should laugh or cry ("YN IS THIS HOW HUMANS SEE WEREWOLVES???? SOB")

would embody jacob's iconic lines from twilight

"bella ¬‿¬ where the hell have you been loca? ¬‿¬"

"..."

but yeah he's such a playful boyfriend but also has his sensitive moments

and he's such a sappy romantic

would randomly bring home a bouquet of flowers for you

"what's this for? i'm pretty sure our anniversary was two months ago"

"just passed by a florist and i thought of you :-)"

"also, our anniversary was three months ago, OH MY GOD YN HOW COULD YOU FORGET" "I'M SORRY, IT WAS JUST A MISCALCULATION!!!"

yeah don't mess with the math genius! werewolf because he will correct you in any chance he gets

(i'm so sorry idk anything about werewolves so i can't really take this seriously T_T)

wooyoung — mermaid

found out he can grow legs whenever his tail dries and that's how he ventured to land!

he's always been interested with humans so when he saw you hanging around in the beach one day, it was love at first sight

he gets so excited over every human activity, it's endearing

"woah, what is that?? :o" "oh, that's a guy riding a bike" "what's a bike?"

endless questions about anything human related but you patiently answer each and every one of them

you're basically his tour guide

you introduced him to movies and his favorite is the little mermaid

he's so serious about it

like literally you have to remind him to blink because he would not let his gaze stray from your tv

"ariel is so me. minus the overprotective dad. and the 6 sisters. and ursula. and probably the talking fish and crab"

"how can the evil sea witch be so EVIL? THIS IS CRUEL"

"hey i want a pet dog like max! :0"

"ERIC JUST KISS THE FUCKING GIRL--"

would 100% reenact the fork hair brushing scene

would also 100% tell secrets about the ocean to you

"yeah the bermuda triangle thing? it's a lair to this one mean kraken"

but sometimes he would say the most untrue stuff ever like

"aquaman is real." "no he's not, woo. he's a dc superhero" "no, really, he's real. we've raced against each other once or twice" "mhm, whatever you say"

loves to watch the sunset in the beach with you with his head on your lap, your fingers running through his hair, and his toes curled in the sand

he likes it. a lot.

but he has to make sure that he doesn't touch wet sand because poof his tail would pop out

likes to chill in your bathub with the end of his tail flapping water at you

also likes to swim with you in the ocean late at night, when no one's around, with his arms wrapped around your waist and sneaking in atleast a hundred kisses while you giggle because the scales of his tail tickles your legs

the cutest mermaid! boyfriend ever

jongho — demigod

would bet my left kidney that he'd be the son of apollo or athena

but let's go with apollo because his vocals man goddamn

anyways

you're the child of nike, the goddess of victory

jongho sees you around a lot in camp half-blood, you're well known because of your bright and outgoing personality that almost everyone gravitate towards

your peers, jongho included, also admire you for your bravery in battles. although he's never been in one let alone see you fight in an actual life-or-death situation, he sees enough from how you always gracefully win capture the flag with a infectious grin on your face

unlike you, he likes to keep to himself at most times, preferring to spend his time alone to write music or poetry

which is why it's hard for him to muster up the courage to try and be your friend

he didn't dwell on it for too long, accepting that maybe he's just meant to stand at the sides and admire from afar when it comes to you

one night, he was in his usual secret spot; a small clearing near the lake with a hammock tied between two towering trees hidden from sight, when you stumbled into his view with tear stained cheeks

"oh, uh, i'm sorry," you sniffled, rubbing your nose with the paws of your sweater. "i didn't think anyone would be here. i'll go--"

"you can stay. i don't mind."

and that's how you go on to tell him about how battles leave a toll on you and this is your way of taking a break once in a while

he listened to you attentively, actually paying attention to what you have to say and even wiped your tears with the sleeve of his hoodie

that night was then filled with genuine laughter as jongho tried his hardest to cheer you up

"but in all seriousness, i'm here for you. whenever you need me."

it started a whole routine of you both meeting up every single night in that spot to either talk about everything all at once or to just enjoy each other's presence in a comfortable silence

he eventually shares his writings with you and you kinda went, "dang i'm in love with you"

and he's like ★_★ omfg no way

he's the type of bf who doesn't outwardly show his affection for you but makes up for it by caring about you down to the most trivial miniscule detail about you

definitely an act of service guy

would stop by the training grounds where you are when it's raining with an umbrella at hand

"come here, you'll get sick" "i'm the child of the goddess of victory, jongho" "doesn't mean you can't get sick!!!! ＼(º □ º l|l)/"

you ask him to sing for you all the time because his voice is soothing and he would blush whenever you compliment him hehe

the other kids at camp would stare enviously at you two holding hands while skipping to your designated spot because wow you two are so in love and everyone wants that kind of relationship

[futuremrsdrcullen]

Aren't We Just Terrified - Part One

Part one of the New Moon reader insert fic that I've been promising for FAR far too long.

Summery- The idea of facing mortal danger just to see a ghost of him almost sounded rational here.

I watched as Bella hugged her chest to keep herself whole. I stood by as she chased adrenaline for the smallest glimpse of Edward.

I didn’t feel perfect- standing there didn’t heal me. I let out a small humorless laugh and shook my head accepting that I couldn’t keep pretending that there was never a wound in the first place.

Word Count- 12,214

Warnings- This is New Moon, so it's a lot darker than the first. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ I'm Always in This Twilight READ THAT FIRST!! Depression, abandonment, misunderstandings, break ups, Age gaps because of vampires, angst! It's very angsty, but it gets better! I promise it has a very happy ending.

Notes from me- My name is Claire and this is my second love child. I have finally finished my version of New Moon and I could not be more excited for you guys to see it.

This is book 2 of probably 5 so stayed tuned for the rest of them.

I DO NOT own The Twilight Saga. All rights go directly to S. Meyer.

Read on AO3 <3

Masterlist <3

Thank you for being here, I Love you <3

Aren't We Just Terrifed - Part One

Unlike Bella, I was very excited for my birthday. It was a little different, I guess. Carlisle was still older than me and Edward would always be stuck at 17. It made sense that she wouldn't want to be another year older. Especially since she was already ready to be a vampire.

I was not. I wanted, at least, another 5 human years. To be with Carlisle, to experience human things. I hadn’t told anyone this. I tried not to think about it around Edward, and hadn’t really decided anything, so I hoped Alice couldn’t see my plans. If you could even call them that. 

When my 21st birthday rolled around, I could not wait for what the day had in store. 

“Happy birthday, Y/n!” Alice, Bella, and my dad were rushing into my room. Alice and Dad had gifts, Bella didn’t, though I think she just didn’t want me to return the favor.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” I said.

“For the record, I did tell them that, and I listened.” Bella added as she showed her empty hands, and I laughed.

“I just knew you’d love it!” Alice added a wink at me “Carlisle will love it too.” My eyes went wide as she laughed.

Dad's brow furrowed “Ahhh-ba! Mines not wrapped, so we can do that first and then I’ll leave you girls to it.” He handed me the gift. “One of, if not the best, single malt whiskey. Made right here in the pacific northwest.” He said with a grin. Around the top of the bottle of Westland Whiskey he had handed me, was a silky blue ribbon.

“Thanks Dad, this is great.”

“The ribbon is part of the gift too. You had one just like it as a kid. You’d wear it all the time, pretending to be Wendy.” He smiled at the ribbon and the memory it held before his eyes met mine again. 

“I remember Dad, Thank you. It’s perfect.” I got up and hugged him. I leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“Alright, enough of me. Happy birthday, kid.” he left and softly shut the door behind him. When I turned around to face them Alice was grinning from ear to ear.

“Really? In front of my dad?” She put her hands up.

“I didn’t mean it like that! I’ve just seen you wear it tonight and, of course, he loves you in it.” She laughed, “It will look so cute with the ribbon in your hair.”

I pretended to gasp “Don’t spoil it!” We laughed and Alice handed me the box.

“Open it! I can’t wait.” I smiled back at her and opened the gift.

I pulled out the stunning deep blue dress. It was maybe knee length, and full of glitter. I thought that was fitting for my dinner date with a vampire tonight.

“You can wear it tonight!” Bella exclaimed then added. “Billy and Jacob will be here later.”

“And Carlisle is picking you up at 5pm, so you’ll have plenty of time to get ready.” Then she added, a little quieter, “The rest of us are going hunting tonight. It will just be the two of you.”

I blushed at her implication and looked back at the dress. “Right… Cool, thanks.”

“We’ll let you get ready. Happy birthday, Y/n! I’ll see you again tomorrow.” She hugged me quickly before grabbing Bella’s arm and leading her out of my room.

I just stared at the dress. 

I was going to spend a full night… Alone… With Carlisle .

I let out a breath I didn’t fully know I was holding and tried to pull it together.

~~

I heard the welcoming voice of my dad when his friend got there and spent a few more seconds looking at myself in the mirror before deciding that I looked as good as I was going to.

I had the dress from Alice on. It was a perfect fit, of course, and I tied my hair back with the ribbon from my dad.

I went downstairs to see that Billy and Jacob Black were, as expected, here. Bella’s face lit up when she saw me come down the stairs.

“Y/n! You look amazing!” She complimented, and everyone looked at me. Only a small part of me died of embarrassment.

“Happy birthday!” Jacob said. He had grown quite a bit since I had last seen him, but he still had a boyish look to him. 

“It’s good to see you, Y/n. You’re looking very… Alive.” Billy said from the living room.

"Uhm, Thanks?” Confused, I forced out a laugh. 

“We got you a card. Charlie said you’re hard to shop for.” Poor, sweet Jacob tried to shift focus.

“Only ‘cause your dad told me not to just get you a case of Rainier. It is your 21st, right?” Billy asked

“Yep,” putting emphasis on the p and I walked into the kitchen. 

“You’ve got so much living left to do, ya know?” He added.

My eyes shot to Bella; she looked just as confused as I felt.

“I have full intentions of living…” I tried to not glare at him from the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee.

Billy went to say something else that would have probably been equally as confusing, but Dad, thankfully, interrupted. “Well, this is a grim topic for a birthday. What do you have planned for the day, kid? Is that the dress Alice got you? It’s beautiful.” I will forever be grateful for my dad.

Jacob mouthed a quick sorry to Bella, who just let out a soft chuckle.

“It is. She has great taste.” I turned to show him the ribbon in my hair. “It goes great with the ribbon. Thanks again, Dad.”

“Sure kid. It looks great.” he kissed the top of my head, looking happy to see the ribbon already being put to good use. 

It was already around 4pm, so I only had to suffer for one hour before Carlisle whisked me away. I knew if I had texted him, he would have come home early and I could have avoided this conversation all together, but I also knew he needed to hunt. 

Then again, it was very hard to not see or hear from him for three days. Of course Billy was making that feeling so much worse.

I wish I was allowed to know that they are werewolves, so I didn’t just have to think that the only thing off with them is that they have this big secret. I hated all this “it’s not my secret to tell, mon coeur…” From Carlisle. Billy hinted at so much, like, not only did he know the Cullens were vampires, but he also had a secret life of his own. I thought werewolf, maybe, or vampire hunter, made the most sense. 

I respected the game they were playing and I kept my mouth shut. My plate was full with the supernatural already. Why stir the pot any more?

Bella said something in response to Billy. Something I’d missed entirely, because I was thinking about Carlisle.

“Is it wise to spend your birthday with them?” Billy asked. He looked at me like a disapproving father. All of which was annoying, considering my actual dad was right there and he didn’t have a single problem with my choice of birthday companion. 

“I spend most days with Carlisle, so I’m sure I’ll be fine.” I smirked at him and took a large sip of my coffee.

“Why don’t we move to the living room and watch the game?” Dad, bless him, interrupted our stare down to suggest.

“That sounds great!” Jacob, bless him too, added and wheeled him, after Dad, into the living room. Bella and I stayed in the kitchen and the second they were out of hearing range we looked at each other, both of our eyes wide. 

“That was… uncomfortable.” She laughed, “Why are they like this?”

“They act like the legends are more than just legends… you know?” I added, trying to gauge what she knew. It wasn’t my secret to share either. She shrugged, staring confusedly back at me. It didn't seem like she knew anything more than I did, or if she did, she wasn’t going to tell me. I just laughed it off, “I’ll just ask Carlisle about it later. Maybe it’s nothing.”

She shook her head in confusion. “We gotta get back in there before they ask anymore questions.”

~~

The hour ticked by painfully slowly; I thought I was actually going crazy, but then there was a knock on the door.

I stood and ran to the door, eager to get it before anyone could get it first, not that anyone even moved to. I still lost my breath when I saw him. His eyes a bright golden color and his hair just a little damp from the rain. I stepped out on the porch, shut the door quickly behind me, and wrapped my arms around his neck. 

He rested his hands on my hips and kissed the crook of my neck. “Happy Birthday, Cara .” I leaned back to look at his face again. “You look… stunningly beautiful. ”

“Alice said you’d like it.”

“I like everything you wear. I like you. ” He leaned in to kiss me.

“Oh, I’m demoted to only like now?”

I could feel his laugh against my lips, “Hmm, I love you so much.”

“Just checking…” I leaned in to meet his kiss. Our first kiss after 3 days apart felt like a breath of fresh air. The only thing keeping me grounded these last few days was knowing that this kiss was just around the corner. That, soon, I would get to kiss him again; he would run his fingers through my hair and hold me to him like he needed this just as much as I did. If I let myself, I could stay here in this kiss forever. 

Sadly, the need to breathe out weighed my wants and I had to pull back. I rested my head on his shoulder. 

“As much as I really don't want to, I've gotta get my shoes and things.” He laughed and I turned to get the door before I remembered who was inside and froze. “Oh uhm… Billy and Jacob Black are here and Billy’s been kinda weird… Weird like he knows things…” I raised my eyebrows and looked at him.

He didn’t seem surprised at all. “Oh I’m sure he has been.” He let out a soft sigh, “ Thank you for the warning, but it will be alright.” He kissed my forehead and went to open the door. 

“ You know I’m gonna ask you to elaborate on that later, right?” 

“It’s not my secret to share.” He smiled at me as I opened the door and pulled him inside.

I whispered “I hate that response and you know it.” and he laughed again.

Dad was standing near the doorway to the living room when we came in, “Doctor,” nodding in Carlisle’s direction “How's it going?”

“Well, Charlie, and yourself?”

“It’s going-”

“Dr. Cullen,” Billy came into the room and I grabbed Carlisle's hand. He gave my hand a soft squeeze to reassure me. 

“Always a pleasure to see you, Chief Black.”

“Sure. Of course, I hope things are good, especially with the girls. I hate for something to happen…” He tilted his head towards me.

“See what I mean…” I whispered, barely audible, still knowing he heard me. I heard his soft laugh in response and felt his hand move to my back.

“Alright. Back to the game.” Dad saved the day again, though I’m sure he was confused on where this all was coming from, but I was still grateful. He kissed my forehead, “Have a great night sweetheart.” They went back into the living room and I heard dad say “You drunk already, old man? What is up with you?” and Billy just laughed.

I made quick work of grabbing my bag and sliding on my shoes and once we were out of the door I asked again. “So, do you know what all that’s about?”

“Like I said before, I shouldn’t say. It’s not my secret to share.”

“But you’re gonna tell me , right?”

“No, probably not.” he shook his head and walked me to the car door. “If someone told you we were vampires, before we were ready, we would have been pretty upset.”

I sighed as I got into the car. “My money is still on werewolves.” 

He laughed at that and smiled at me as he sat in the driver seat. “I love you,” He was still chuckling as he pulled out of the driveway.

~~

At the restaurant, I ate a hefty salad and he pretended to sip a black coffee. He of course picked out an expensive wine for me to try. How he knew I’d like it, I’ll never understand, but it was very good. It was white and fruity and sweet. I couldn’t pronounce the name if I tried but it made me melt when he said it.

As he took another fake sip of his coffee I asked, “So what’s the story behind the black coffee? It's, like, the only thing you order.”

“Well, It’s very common for restaurants to sell black coffee, and the cups keep my hands nice and warm.” He wiggled his fingers and I definitely didn’t follow his fingers with my eyes.

“Oh… that makes a lot of sense actually,” I blushed and tore my eyes from his hands back to his face.

He just smirked at me and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“Yup.” I popped the “p” to fill the awkwardness that was almost palpable on my end. I could feel my blush deepen even as I looked back at my glass of wine. 

He spent just about the whole dinner chuckling at me, as if he knew that all that was going through my head was our upcoming night alone together

~~

By the time we pulled into the driveway, I don’t think the reality had fully set in.

“So, you said I wasn’t allowed to get you a gift but I may have bent that just a little…” He admitted sheepishly.

“Carlisle-”

“Don’t worry. It’s not especially crazy.” He laughed.

“Everything you guys do is crazy.”

“Trust me?”

“With my life…” I blushed and tried to contain my grin.

“We’re throwing a whole party for Bella. I’m keeping you to myself, just us.”

“She’s going to be difficult about that.”

“We are fully prepared for that, we’re just hoping she’ll secretly love it.”

He took my hand as we walked in the door. The house was dimly lit, mostly with candles and there were rose petals everywhere. He chuckled softly when I turned to face him, my eyebrows raised. “Alice took over when I left. I just set out the champagne.”

“She has a hidden motive for everything.” I retort

“I dont think it’s all that hidden.” He kissed my forehead, before going into the kitchen and grabbing the champagne and a glass. I followed behind him. 

“I kinda hate that you can’t share this with me.”

Without looking up he poured some in a glass and took a small sip meeting my eyes. “I can, it would just be a waste of a good bottle of champagne.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed softly. “I get it, you can hold your liquor.” He laughed and I took the drink from him. “It takes the fun out of it, but I’m just happy to be here with you.”

“So, how was your birthday so far, Cara?”

I took a second to consider. The gifts from my dad, Alice and Bella. My hand twirled the end of the ribbon in my fingers. “ Simple. Wonderful. Perfect.” I set the glass down and stepped closer to him. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed a quick kiss to my lips “Thank you.”

“Anything for you.” another short, sweet kiss. “You should be celebrated every day.” 

“So should you, but you don’t even remember your birthday…”

“You make me feel more celebrated than I could ever deserve.”

“Ah ba ba- Nope! On my birthday, you deserve the world.”

He laughed, “I don’t think that's how it works.”

“Nope. It’s my birthday, I get to decide.” he leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose. I probably could have stood there for the rest of the night; sipping champagne and making dumb jokes. We did stay there for a while doing just that.

“Would you like to finish your drink?”

I pretended to gasp. “Carlisle Cullen, are you trying to get me drunk?”

With a laugh he responded, “Definitely not, but I just have one more little gift-”

“Carlisle!” I really did gasp that time. It was the one thing I agreed with Bella on; this beautiful family had already given me so much and I could never return the favor, no matter how hard I tried. I wasn’t going to throw a fit because they bought me something, but they didn’t have to. I would rather they didn’t.

“I know, I know. We agreed, no gifts. Honestly, it's just something I bought for that house. That you will benefit from, on your birthday.”

Playfully, I glared at him, “But it’s not a gift.”

He smiled again and put his hands up. “Not if you don’t want it to be.”

“Hmm…” I swirled my drink around the glass like fancy people do in fancy movies. “Should I finish this?”

“You don’t have to finish it now-” he chuckled. “You could bring it with you if you want.”

I smiled at him then, “Well, why didn’t you start with that.”

He laughed and took my hand. He led and I followed up the stairs and to his office door. It was the room I spent most of my time in while at the Cullens’ and also the closet thing he had to a bedroom.

When we got to the door he turned his back to it and faced me.

“Close your eyes.” Though he was a master at hiding it, I could see the smallest, excited smile on his lips.

“For something that's not a gift, this sure feels like a gift.” I smiled back at him and closed my eyes. I felt the cool press of his lips to mine before he pulled back and opened the door.

He pulled my hand and led me into the room. I took a very trusting step into the room and heard the lights flip on then the door closed.

He kissed me again before saying, “You can open your eyes now, Y/n”

As I did, I noticed the rose petals had followed us into the office, across the floor, and were scattered all over a beautiful bed that had not been there four days ago. I tried to hide my shock, but I felt the flush rise to my cheeks.

Somehow he was behind me, his lips were on my neck and he was placing small kisses where my skin showed there. I shivered under his icy touch.

“You don’t sleep.” my voice was barely audible.

“No, but you do. This is a gift for you.” I turned to him and playfully glared. He just laughed. “Also, it means I get to spend significantly more time with you. It’s a doubly beneficial  situation honestly.”

Though I continued to glare at him, a small smile danced across my lips. I had to admit, I did like his reasoning. While I have slept here a few times, I'd just fallen asleep on the couch in his office before. 

The couch was gone and now, there in its place sat one of the fanciest beds I'd probably ever seen. The dark satin sheets and fluffy pillows looked so enticing. The frame alone probably cost more than three of my paychecks, not that money was a problem for him, being a doctor for like 300 years and all. 

I looked back at the man I'd grown to love and smiled deeply, "It's absolutely lovely, Carlisle." His smile deepened as he leaned in to kiss me. "I'll have to text my dad that I won't be home tonight."

He laughed against my lips before kissing me. Every time he'd kiss me that night it felt like there was a fire building there, but it never led to more than just long make out sessions. I did want more; I think he wanted more too, but I never wanted to press him and he was too much of a gentleman. 

And a vampire.

Which I'm sure played a huge role in the matter of control. 

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, my hands going to his hair. He lifted me with ease and then we were on the bed. He was sitting on the edge and I was then straddling his lap. I giggled and kissed him again, parting my lips. He took the lead and deepened the kiss only for a moment before he pulled back. 

"Mon coeur…" He sighed,  his brow furrowed. "We don't… we never have to do anything you aren't comfortable with." He placed a very small kiss on my lips again.

"I know." I kissed him as he had kissed me "I am very comfortable." Another small kiss before I whispered, "I want to. I just never have…"

He let out a breath I didn't know he was holding and quickly kissed me again. "It would take a considerable amount of control on my part."

"If you don't want-"

"I'm not saying no, Y/n." He brushed my hair behind my ear. His eyes were soft. "I'd never be able to live with myself if I was the cause of your pain, so bare with me, okay? Stop me if it becomes too much."

I kissed him, slow and deliberate this time. "I trust you. I've never trusted anyone the way I trust you." He held my face, scanning my features for a clear sign of consent. If I could scream it from the rooftops I would. I wanted this, wanted him. I trusted him. I loved him.

"I want you to be sure. If-"

"Carlisle?"

"Hmm?" He winced slightly

"Please…" He swore under his breath. Then, kissing me again, his hand found the zipper of my dress.

~~

I definitely could get used to waking up in his arms. I knew he could tell I was awake but I still tried not to stir too much. I wanted to just lay there and absorb this feeling, the dull ache in my muscles left no desire to move. I would have been completely fine not moving ever again. I loved it.

Caving, I leaned up to kiss his nose. "Hmm. Good morning." 

"Good morning, love. How did you sleep?"

"Better than I probably ever have." I giggled and blushed, hiding my face in his chest. Slightly disappointed in myself for actually saying that out loud. "Did you stay here all night?"

He laughed "Not the whole night. Rose called after you fell asleep, and just a bit ago your phone was ringing downstairs so I went to get that for you." He picked it off the end table. 

"Oh no, I completely forgot to text my dad." A shot of panic ran through me as I sat up and grabbed my phone from him.

8 MISSED CALLS FROM Chief Father

5 MESSAGES FROM Chief Father

11:30pm: I'm going to bed assuming you're staying at the Cullens and staying safe.

7:02am: Still haven't heard from you. Are you alive?

7:33am: I know you're an adult but I'd like some kind of response soon.

8:05am: You have an hour before I'm going over there.

8:06am: with guns

It was 8:45. "Crap…" I quickly got out of bed and wrapped myself in his shirt that was wrapped on the corner of the desk. I called him, as fast as I could dial the number.

"Oh, so you are alive." His sarcasm proved his annoyance but there was a hint of relief lying there.

"I'm so sorry, Dad. I meant to text you that I was staying with Carlisle, I just got distracted.”  I leaned against his desk and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to bite back a laugh.

"Ahh that's okay! It's fine." He was desperate to stop me before I said more. I felt Carlisle wrap his arms around me and laugh softly into my hair. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Were you really going to come out here?"

"Well yeah, in like an hour or so. I do trust you, I just worry."

My heart melted a little. "I know, I'm sorry. I'll be sure to text you next time."

"That's all I ask. Love ya, kid." We said the rest of our goodbyes and I looked up at Carlisle who was still chuckling. 

"In my defense," he started "I was under the impression you had already sent him a message."

I glared at him, playfully. "When would I have had time to do that?"

"Okay, that's fair." He lifted my chin to kiss me. "He knows you're safe now, and we still have the house to ourselves for a few hours. Any suggestions on how we should make the time pass?"  implications played in his voice as his hand trailed up the back of my shirt- well, his shirt that I was wearing.

"I might have a few ideas." I pressed my lips to his again and we got lost for a few more hours.

~~

Bella turned 18, ten days after my 21st birthday and she tried very hard to let it go unnoticed.

However, you only turn 18 once, so I felt like it at least deserved to be acknowledged. I worked with Alice to plan Bella a semi surprise party,  I didn't want another prom situation since she hardly talked to me for weeks after that. This time she knew what was happening, we just let Edward take most of the fall.

Soft Jazz music drifted through the house while Alice had me on candle duty. There were pink taper candles on pretty much every surface and she wanted me to light them all.

I danced around the room, twirling from candle to candle, humming along to the music. Carlisle caught me by the waist and spun me into him. He kissed me softly and I couldn't help laughing with him.

"Ya know, I think I could get used to seeing my old man this happy." A familiar woodsy voice called from the doorway.

"Emmett!" I laughed and pulled away from Carlisle to run and hug him. He and Rosalie had traveled to Africa after their graduation and I had missed his presence. Despite Rosalie's displeasure, Emmett had grown to really enjoy hanging out with Bella and me. "I didn't know you were coming into town.” I looked toward Rosalie, who was still in the doorway and smiled at her. "It's really nice of you."

She nodded once, I knew it was hard for her. She hated what she had become and although I couldn't agree with her, I respected her for wanting better for us. She didn’t dislike me as much, mostly because I didn’t beg to be turned on a regular basis. I only wished she wouldn't be so hateful about it towards Bella. 

"I just wish we could have made it back in time for your birthday." She added.

"It's totally fine."  I assured them as Carlisle wrapped one of his arms around my waist. It was extremely comforting, I'd grown to love his family like my own and when he stood next to me and held me, even in front of Rose, it felt like he was proud to have me there.

"We bought you a present, since we couldn't make it." Rose smiled at me. It didn't feel forced, I think she did want to like me. She handed me a very neatly wrapped box and I knew it was mostly from her. The paper was shiny gold with a black ribbon and I almost didn't want to damage it. "It's a ceramic tea set from the town we were staying in. There's a family who makes them by hand."

I unwrapped it as she was explaining "It's truly lovely, Rose. Thank you." She smiled at me and I walked to the kitchen table to set the beautiful tea set down safely. 

"Oh! Y/n did you get the key to Bella's truck?" Emmett called after me.

"Yep!" I tossed him the keys and he barely looked before catching them with ease. Being surrounded by vampires had its perks sometimes. 

When they all turned to face the door I knew that Bella and Edward were there, I was just the only one who didn't hear them pull in. Alice's face was bright with excitement, she had Jasper put on a more modern and up beat CD before they walked in.

I couldn't help but smile at Bella's face as she took in the room; she winced like she was in physical pain.

I hugged her anyway and pulled her into the room. Carlisle hugged her as well. "I have to apologize for all of this, Bella. We couldn’t rein Alice in." He laughed under his breath. There was never a chance of that anyway. We all knew that very well.

Bell's eyes drifted to Rosalie and Emmett and softened a bit. I knew she'd be happy to see them. Rose didn't shift at all but Emmett just looked happy to be there.

"You haven't changed at all." Emmett said with mock disappointment. "I expected a perceptive difference, but here you are, red faced just like always."

"Thanks a lot Emmett." Her face got even more red.

He laughed and tapped the key in his pocket . "Well, I have to step out for a second."- he paused to wink at Alice. Bella totally saw, but she didn't say anything, I laughed softly under my breath. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone." He pointed at Bella.

"I'll try." She said through a laugh.

Alice and Jasper stood on the other side of the room. Alice skipped across the room to meet Bella and Jasper stayed leaning against the stair railing. Resisting human blood was still hard for him, even now he kept his distance from us. He was still trying his best.

"It's time to open presents," Alice spoke in a floaty voice, probably to distract Bella from Emmetts shenanigans. She pulled Bella towards the piano, which didn't really have that many presents on it.

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything." She was dragging her feet. 

"I listened." I piped up but she still glared at me. "I may have given Carlisle an idea, but I spent no money." She didn't want me to get her a gift. She said it because she didn't get me one, and if I got her one then she'd look rude, but I think it's because she didn't want to celebrate. 

"I didn't listen." Alice added placing a small box in Bella's hands. "Open it."

That was the empty box from Rose, Emmett and Jasper. Once she got it open I could tell she was trying to hide her confusion. 

"Uhm... thanks?”

I pressed my lips to Carlisle's shoulder to hide my smile, giggling softly. Rosalie actually cracked a smile.

"It's a stereo for your truck." Jasper grinned from across the room. "Emmett is installing it as we speak.” She thanked them, calling loudly to Emmett. His booming laughter reached in here from Bella's truck.

I smiled up at Carlisle, whose arm was still wrapped around me. I reached up to kiss him, my hand cupping his cheek, his smile growing as his eyes met mine. I wrapped myself up in the feeling of family in the room. I never noticed she had started to open Alice and Edwards present.

I didn't have time to react when she cut her finger.

It all happened in a flash. I was smiling at Carlisle, then he was gone. I heard glass shatter across the room and I watched Edward and Emmett throw themselves at Jasper. 

Jasper tried to get away from them. He tried, and thankfully failed, to break Emmetts grip to get to Bella. Bella, who was now on the floor. Edward moved to crouch over her, holding the spot on her arm that had somehow been cut. The glass shattering, I figured.

I tried to appear as small as I could; I wanted to be invisible, if it was possible. The shock was setting in, I could feel the panic. I heard them say things I couldn't process. I didn't move, I didn't breathe.

Carlisle somehow remained calm. Even as Emmett dragged a growling Jasper from the room.

"Let me by, Edward." He murmured. His voice was clear, and the only one I could hear amidst the noise. Edward's stance over my sister didn't change. He was protecting her from even his father; which probably would have been endearing in any other circumstance.

Once Edward relaxed a little, Carlisle knelt next to Bella and examined the wound on her arm. It was huge and bleeding a lot. Alice tried to hand him a towel, but he shook his head. "There's too much glass in the wound." He made a tourniquet with a scrap of table cloth. Bella looked like at any  point she would barf, or faint… or both.

I still couldn't move. I wanted them to focus on her. I wanted them to forget I was there at all.

"Bella," his voice was still soft and clear. "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like for me to take care of it here." I panicked briefly, thinking about Dad.

"Here, please." She sounded distant. She must have been thinking about Dad too. If he found out what happened, he'd have questions. I knew because I had questions and I was here. I still didn't know how to answer any of them.

"I'll get your bag."

"Lets get her to the kitchen table," then they were there. "How are you doing Bella?"

"I'm fine," the steadiness in her voice was almost comforting.

I looked at the scene around me and tried, for the first time, to assess the situation. Though it had just happened, I felt completely zoned out. Then Edward was gone and Alice ran an apologetic hand down my arm as she also left the room.

I stood there in the center of the room looking at all the scattered roses and broken glass and blood, very much still in shock, but trying to power through it. I let out a shaky breath and took a few steps towards them, only pausing when Carlisle’s head snapped sharply to me. As if he had only just noticed I was still there.

“Y/n” my name rolled off his tongue like he breathed it. So much concern painted his features.

“I’m fine… I‘m right here.” Even my voice sounded distant. He was not convinced, but he nodded once and focused back on Bella’s arm.

I think he was always afraid I would snap out of the comfortable illusion I had painted for myself and run away from him. I’m sure that today's events had set that belief in. I think, for a normal person, it would have driven them away.

But I was a Swan and I fell in love with a vampire, nothing here was normal.

And of course this was Bella. A perpetual danger magnet even on the best days. Even on her birthday she managed to nearly die.

Bella sighed, “I can clear a room at least.”

“It’s not your fault,” He chuckled softly. “It could happen to anyone.”

“ Could. ” Bella repeated, “ But it usually just happens to me.”

He laughed again, glancing quickly at me. He’d ask me 100 times tonight if I was truly alright. I didn’t really know how to reassure him if I didn’t know that I was alright; I was still in shock.

I walked over to the table where Bella was sitting and grabbed her free hand. I gave it a soft, comforting squeeze. Her gaze drifted from me to Carlisle's face, like she was studying the two of us.

“How can you do this?” she asked. “Even Alice and Edward…” She trailed off, shaking the thought from her head. Carlisle was the only one with complete control of his thirst.

“Years and years of practice.” He admitted. “I barely notice the scent anymore.”

“Even with her?” she mentioned me like I wasn’t in the room, but her grip remained firm on my hand. His eyes floated to my face and he smiled a little.

“With Y/n, there's a few extra challenges.” I couldn’t help but blush softly. “Her scent isn’t as strong as yours, but there are a few added desires .” 

Bella nodded as if she understood the hidden meaning to his words. I looked down at where our hands were intertwined, smiling softly. My face was red hot. 

Since my birthday we hadn’t been able to keep our hands to ourselves. We were both fully indulging in those ‘added desires’.

“It’s just Edward…” she shook her head again. “ Do you think it would be harder if you took a vacation from the hospital for a long time? And weren’t around blood?”

“Maybe,” He shrugged while his hands remained steady. “I’ve never felt the need for an extended holiday.” a smile crossed his face and I fell for him all over again. “I enjoy my work too much.”

“What is it that you enjoy?” I think she was trying to distract herself from what he was doing with her arm. He seemed to think about it for a moment.

“Hmm. What I enjoy most is when my… enhanced abilities help me save someone who would otherwise have been lost. It’s pleasant knowing that, thanks to what I can do, some people's lives are better because I exist. Even the sense of smell is a useful diagnostic tool at times.”

I tried to smile at him, my voice still didn't sound much like my own. “Your existence makes my life better.”

“And yours mine.” His smile was soft, his voice had more confidence.

“It’s not like you asked for this. I think you try too hard to make up for something that was never your fault. You didn’t choose this life and yet, you work so hard to be good. It’s admirable.” I suggested this just to keep Bella distracted. He knew I loved this about him. He never stopped making an effort to be more than the ‘monster’ he believed he became. I didn’t have to tell him that there was no way he could ever be a monster; he knew how I felt, but I wanted Bella to see him this way too. 

“I don’t think I’m making up for anything,” he disagreed lightly “Like everything in life, I just had to decide what to do with what I was given.”

“That makes it sound too easy.” Bella sided with me, it was hard not to.

He looked back at her arm. “There, all done” He was covering her arm in iodine. The smell was worse than the blood, but probably not for them. I looked around the room again.

“In the beginning though,” She pressed. “Why did you even think to try a different way than the obvious one?”

His smile changed to a more private one “Hasn’t Edward told you this story?”

I had heard this story. His face was on me again as I stood. “I’m going to clean up.” I barely whispered before pressing a kiss to his cheek.

I zoned out while he retold his origin story to Bella. I grabbed baking soda and white vinegar from under the kitchen sink then the bleach from the bathroom closet and went back to the main room.

I swept up the glass on the floor, making sure to double bag it before getting to work on the floor. The baking soda and vinegar got out most of the stain. I used the bleach to finish the job, hoping it would cover the smell, even for them. It took a few minutes, but as I was finishing, Edward came in the door. HIs hands in his pockets.

“Thank you. It helps quite a bit actually.” I knew he’d heard the question in my thoughts. His gift only affected me sometimes. There were times when I really didn’t want him in my head though, and then, somehow, he wouldn’t be able to hear my thoughts. They had running bets on the reason. I told them I didn’t want to know, but I was thankful that I got to keep some form of privacy. 

“No problem.” I looked over his shoulder and out the open front door. 

“They’ll be out for the night.” He shut the door behind him. His eyes met mine and a look crossed his features that looked pained, or confused… or constipated. His brows furrowed as he said, “I’ve always feared this. Carlisle does too, if he’s never told you. Either of you getting hurt, because of what we are.” 

Carlisle hadn’t told me. I had kind of suspected, I guess. Bella and I spent our lives with one of the human world's most dangerous predators. I knew that he feared that I would be afraid of him. I’d never really considered that I should be afraid, until tonight.

“Exactly.” I heard Edward mumble before he went into the room where I had left Bella and Carlisle. I stayed and finished the last bit of sweeping and mopping. He was only in there for a few moments before drifting through the room and going back outside.

“It’s not his fault.” Bella spoke to them, trailing slowly behind them.

“It’s not yours, either.” Carlisle countered. I couldn’t help but agree with him.

Her eyes drifted from his face to the floor then to me. I was still holding the mop but the work was done. “Y/n, Let me do that.” She blushed and moved towards me. 

“It’s already done, Bells.” I smiled softly at her and then at Carlisle for confirmation. He nodded once and mouthed a ‘thank you’. I was just glad that I could help them. I glanced back at Bella and asked. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. Carlisle sews faster than any doctor I’ve had” She huffed a laugh but it sounded forced. I think the gravity of the situation was starting to weigh on her.

I stepped over to Carlisle and wrapped an arm around his waist. He kissed my hair and I felt more than heard the ‘thank you’ he whispered there as well. Alice and Edward came back in. Alice going to Bella’s side and Edward lingering by the door.

“Come on,” Alice said. “I’ll get you something less macabre to wear.” She all but floated out of the room with Bella. 

Once they were out of the room it was clear that Edward and Carlisle were speaking through his thoughts. Edward nodded here and shook his head there. I tried not to let the panic set in. I bounced on the balls of my feet and stole a glance at Carlisle’s face. Edward shook his head in response to something and Carlisle seemed almost angry.

The worry grew in my chest and I knew that I would break soon. Carlisle simply kissed the top of my hair to soothe some of the worry away. 

Edward shook his head again, clearly growing more annoyed and went to the front door. Bella and Alice came back downstairs and I glanced at Alice. She looked tired, I glanced around the room at all of them. They all look tired; I don’t think I’d ever seen them look so tired. 

I could only imagine how I looked. 

Edward held open the door for her. “Take your things!” Alice floated the rest of the way downstairs and handed them off to her. “You can thank me later when you've opened them.”

“Goodnight Bella, Happy Birthday again…” Carlisle called after them.

“I’ll… Uhm, I’ll meet you at the house.” I whispered, though I knew they could hear me. I just hoped Edward didn’t read my thoughts and know how long I planned on staying. I craved the comfort that only Carlisle could give. I wanted to stay as long as he’d let me. Bella just nodded and slipped out. Alice went out the back, presumably to be with Jasper. 

Just me and Carlisle stood in the room. 

“We should go get your things…” He said and took my hand, leading me up the stairs. When we were in his room and the door was closed behind us. He turned to me and asked softly “Are you alright, Cara?” and I just fell apart.

There in the room, I felt like I had nothing to hide and the panic washed over me, no longer feeling the need to hold myself together. He wrapped me up in his arms and carried me to the bed. 

He held me there until the shaking stopped. He kissed my tears away and brushed the hair behind my ear. He mumbled more apologies in the space where my neck met my shoulder between kisses. I didn’t even know why I was crying. I was fine, Bella was fine, and yet, the panic held on to me.

I knew the worst was over and yet I couldn’t shake the impending doom.

“I… why do I feel like everything is… wrong now, somehow?” I mumbled.

“I’m so sorry, Y/n. You should have never been put into this situation. I understand why you’re scared-”

“I’m not-”

“You should be. You could have easily been hurt. Every second you spend in our world you’re in danger. I wish I could protect you from it all, but I don't know how.” As he spoke his voice got more and more soft. His eyes held a cold I’d never seen in him before.

I could feel my heart breaking.

I watched his break too.

We were both quiet for a long time. I broke the silence first “I’m not scared of you, Carlisle. I’ve only ever felt safe with you.”

He sighed and kissed my forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you.” I added.

“Are you feeling better? I should get you home.”

“I suppose…”

Without saying another word, he helped me up and I grabbed my overnight bag. I knew it would be easier on his family if I wasn’t here when they got back. I didn’t say it outloud though. He would have told me not to worry about them.

I hated how much this part hurt.

We drove home and the car ride was mostly silent. Soft jazz music played from the radio. I hummed along to the songs I’d grown to love. He smiled softly at me from time to time, he brought my hand to his lips. When we turned into the driveway my eyes met his. The porch light was on and the light came through the heavily tinted windshield. I could still see the worry painting his features. 

I gave his hand a soft squeeze, “I’ll see you tomorrow?” I didn’t mean for it to sound so much like a question.

He nodded. “I’ll swing by the cafe after work.” His words didn’t soothe my worry much. “I love you, Y/n”

“I love you… So so much.” I kissed him softly. I wanted it to make me feel normal. It didn’t do much to calm the feeling that everything was off still.

His hand rested on my cheek as he kissed me back, like he also needed it.

I pulled back and nodded. “Tomorrow then.”

“Tomorrow.”

I got out of the car and headed inside. Waving one more time as he pulled out of the driveway.

Dad was asleep on the couch. Most of the lights in the house were off. The tv played some rerun of a game. I shut it off and pulled a blanket up over dad. I kissed his head then headed upstairs. 

Bella’s light was also off, though there was the faint glow from her lamp. I shut my door loud enough for her to hear and know I was home. 

I didn’t turn my light on; I didn’t change.

I just curled up in my bed and prayed for an ounce of normalcy.

I don't think I slept at all.

~~

I heard Bella leave for school the next morning. I heard dad in the shower getting ready for work. I opened my eyes and saw the soft gray light coming through the window. I watched the rain drops for a while until I finally convinced myself to get up and go downstairs.

I started making breakfast for Dad. I fried eggs and bacon and made some toast. I couldn’t bring myself to eat, but I made myself a glass of orange juice.

“Morning kiddo.” I jumped at the sound of his voice and the glass fell to the floor, completely shattering on impact.

“Shit… Dad… Sorry.” I got the broom and started sweeping up the glass. He laughed at my clumsiness.

“You don't have to apologize. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He held up the dust pan for me. “I’ve been down here for a minute. You didn’t notice?”

“Oh, uhm, No?” I blushed, slightly embarrassed. “I was lost in thought I guess.”

“Sure.” he took the glass and dumped it in the trash. The sound made me shiver. “How was the party?”

“Fine. You know how Bella is though, they spent money, she acted grateful while they were in the room, complained when they left.” 

“What happened to her arm?” I winced. I knew that was coming.

“She fell. I swear, she can take the smallest thing and turn it into life or death.” I forced a laugh. He didn’t need to know how truthful I was being. “Carlisle cleaned her up though. No big deal.” I shrugged and smiled at him. 

“Well, thank him for me.” He sat down and started eating. I made another glass of juice then started the dishes. 

A minute or so later he kissed my head and left for work. If he said anything else, I didn’t hear him.

I was alone with my thoughts for most of the day after that. Both Dad and Bella had work but I didn’t go in until 8, so I just floated around the house trying to stay busy. 

Then It was 7:30, and I’d lost track of time. Everything still felt off.

I hoped that seeing Carlisle at work would help. I slid my shoes on, grabbed my apron and headed to the cafe.

~~

Carlisle’s Point of View

Edward made it very clear.

We had to leave.

I had finally found the one thing that made me feel alive again and yet there stood a gap between what I truly wanted and what my family believed was right.

If I looked at this from purely a safety standpoint, it made sense. Bella would never be safe as long as she was human. If I had any say she wouldn’t still be human, she would have turned the night James bit her. She would be safe, and we wouldn’t have to leave.

It would save all of us this pain. Not to mention it's what she wants anyway. It wasn’t my place to make that kind of decision for them. If we weren’t going to change Bella, logically I knew she’d only be safe if we left. I did not feel the same about Y/n. 

Y/n was very different then Bella in many ways. Mostly in the way that Y/n had some self preservation skills. When Jasper lost control, it was as if she wasn’t even in the room. Victoria and James never thought twice about her. 

I couldn’t… I wouldn’t just leave her behind.

I decided to go with them for Edward and Alice's sake. She would see my decision to go with them and be content enough to not press, but I could leave clues for Y/n. Alice would only see it when she decided to come find me, then I’d explain myself to the family. I could leave clues and hide my thoughts from Edward and when she knew, she’d come find me again. 

I could live knowing that, in the end, it was her decision. She had every right to choose her own fate. I would always respect her choice.

However if I saw her tonight, I wouldn’t be strong enough to leave. She’d also see right through me. I couldn’t go and pretend everything was alright. I couldn’t lie to her. 

I hadn’t noticed I was pacing. My steps were hardly audible as I crossed the office over and over. From the other side of the room I stared at the bed I had bought her, solely so she could be more comfortable when she stayed over. 

Even when I’d laid with her, though normally such an act would put her in great danger, she kept me grounded. With me, I knew she was safe. The idea of abandoning her, even knowing that I wasn’t really, made my heart ache in a way I’d no longer thought possible.

I flashed across the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Her scent lingered in the sheets, like she was still sleeping there. I breathed in deeply, taking in the smell of the woman I loved. She always smelled like warm honey and damp earth. Like the sweetest parts of the only home she had ever known.

Like the first place I felt I truly belonged since the loss of Esme. 

And now we had to leave it. To protect Bella and Y/n. We had to leave. 

It made perfect sense.

~~

She was very understanding when I called to tell her I wouldn’t be at the cafe. I could hear the disappointment in her voice. I hated it, but I made dinner plans with her anyway.

I reserved a table at the quaint restaurant in Port Angeles. I’d taken her there on a few dates and for her birthday. I told her I would meet her there, she needed to have her car to drive herself home.

That was the first bread crumb. The first little clue, so she knew what was coming. So she’d look for more. Next, the key to the house, the ‘plants in the office’, the letter, the plane tickets, the money. All left for her to find, so she could find them and choose to look for more. She could choose to find me; so she could choose me. I wrote her the letter and left it on my desk. I couldn’t leave it in her possession, Edward would be too thorough. Everywhere but the house itself, he’d make sure there was no trace of us. I’d give her a key to the house.

I would get there before her, get a table, explain why we had to leave, and she’d see through it. She would follow the trail I’d left for her. She just had too.

Alice wouldn’t see it til Y/n made the choice for herself. I’d force myself to think about other things until Edward was gone. 

She’d find the letter after we were gone. It would explain everything. With the letter she’d find the tickets.

I hoped she would choose to find me too.

~~

Y/n’s Point of View

The air felt wrong. I think Bella could feel it too.

The events of Bella’s birthday affected us all pretty hard. Alice and Jasper left that night, not saying where they were going, I just assumed they flew up to Denali. Edward wasn’t at the house much and felt distant. Carlisle was… Well…

He was acting completely normal, calm and collected. It just felt… off. 

Still, I got ready for the dinner he had planned. I pulled my hair out of my face and I hoped for the best.

I saw his car as soon as I pulled into the parking lot. I parked in the spot next to him and cut the engine. I sat there for a second trying to breathe, trying to calm my nerves, even though I didn’t know why I was nervous in the first place. 

He opened my door for me and I hugged him like I always did. The kiss he gave me was slow and deliberate. He held my face in his hands even after he broke away. He rested his forehead against mine.

I couldn’t tell why, but it was all starting to feel like a goodbye.

I shuddered at the thought and hoped it couldn’t be. It very easily could have been.

“I know you like this place. I’ve already gotten us a table.”

“Oh, good.” I stepped back and took his hand. He led us inside. He felt normal, The restaurant felt normal. Hell, even this date, if that’s what it was, felt totally normal. 

Yet the dread still loomed there like a bad aftertaste of a single bad night.

The hostess took us to the table and asked for our drinks. I got a cabernet. He, of course, got a black coffee. Yea, totally normal.

I didn’t look at the menu, I didn’t want to take my eyes off of him. When the waitress came back with our drinks he told her we would need some privacy. 

The air left my lungs.

“Y/n…” He started. His hand reached across the table to hold mine, and he gave my hand a soft squeeze. I didn’t say anything, I just couldn’t. “We’re leaving.”

This really was a goodbye.

He continued, “Most of the others are already gone. Edward is saying his goodbyes to Bella…” Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye . It rang in my head. I didn’t move, couldn’t move . “Edward thinks it would be safer for Bella, if we weren’t around.” 

I thought I heard a slight pitch in his voice, a hesitation in the way he phrased that.

It was just the tiniest glimmer of hope. “ Edward ?” Not Carlisle.

He shook his head, not him. Edward. “We’re not good for Bella.”

“Bella?” not me. My voice still shook. He nodded. Not me, Bella. Not him, Edward. This didn’t have to be about us. “But you’re leaving too?”

“Yes… I have to go as well. It’s for the best, Y/n.” I scanned his features. I tried to find the meaning of his words, like they would somehow be clearer if I looked deep enough in his eyes. This all felt so wrong. “What happened with Jasper-”

“Was nothing. Everything is fine.”

“It’s not fine. Bella… and You- you shouldn’t be in that kind of danger. I’ve never wanted that for you.” I thought I heard his voice break, but I don’t think that’s possible.

A moment of silence passed as I looked into his soft golden eyes. I tried to convince myself to breathe. “Don’t, don’t do this.” My voice definitely did break. I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

“I have to, Y/n. For Edward and Alice. For Bella. For you.” He took a deep breath. It reminded me to do the same, though mine was much more shaky. “Bella will never be safe. As long as she's human. As long as we’re around. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you.”

“Nothing happened.”

“This time.” he sighed “We have to leave.” he said again, I just nodded as more tears fell. “I’ll always love you, Y/n. This doesn’t change that. Nothing ever could change that.”

I shivered. I wasn’t cold but I couldn’t stop shaking. I nodded anyway, my voice barely audible, “What now?”

“Now I leave-” he took some money from his wallet and set it on the table. It was way more than the cost of our drinks. Then he stood. I didn’t trust my legs to hold me up, I didn’t move. “If you don’t mind, could you do something for me?” I’m sure he saw the confusion on my face, he held out a key to me. “This is the key to the house. It’s yours, as long as you want it. I’ve got some plants in my office-” he almost looked like he was in pain, like he didn’t want to ask. “They’ll need to be watered.”

I let out a short humorless laugh “Sure.” I didn’t move to take the key, so he placed it on the table next to me. My eyes met his again and I felt the pain spread through my chest. I could see how sad he truly was, maybe if vampires could cry he’d even shed a tear. I could feel the last goodbye coming.

He kissed my forehead. My eyes fluttered closed. I held on tightly to his hand like that would keep him from going. “Please… Stay safe, Cara.”

I couldn’t move, my eyes stayed closed, and tears stained my cheeks. If I was kidding myself, I would have sworn he said ‘I love you’ into my hair. Could have felt the goodbye he placed there.

But then my hand was empty.

And he was gone, truly gone.   

Some time later, though I had no real perception on how much, the waitress came back to the table. “Are you alright, sweetie?”

I didn’t look up at her, just shook my head. “Could you bring the bottle?” I request, gesturing to the now empty glass of cabernet.

“Sure.”

When she came back I handed her the cash, her eyes went wide at the amount. I hadn’t bothered to see how much there was. “You can keep the rest. I won’t need anything else.”

If she said something else, I didn’t hear her. I sat in the corner of the restaurant. I watched as normal people came and went, regular families eating dinner, cute couples on dates, while I was frozen in place.  I wanted to believe that if I sat there long enough- if I blinked enough times- he’d still be sitting in front of me and none of it would have been real.

Tears ran down my cheeks. The sun set. I didn’t move.

The waitress came back. I didn’t hear what she said. I waited a moment, a small “Hmm?” was all I could manage. 

“Oh, we're closing.” her voice was soft and filled with pity. I cringed.

“Right… Sorry.” I stood. Surprisingly my legs held.

She looked apologetic immediately. “No, it’s okay. Just, get home safe, alright?”

I nodded and mumbled my thanks. I managed to get to my car and just sat in it for a second. My tears had stopped, but the pain in my chest grew with every breath. Besides that pain, I was completely numb, almost lifeless somehow. 

In the quiet of my car I could hear my phone ringing. It was after 10pm. I had 16 missed calls from Dad, and he was calling again.

“Y/n” He was panicking. 

“Dad, sorry I left my phone-”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine…” It was a lie. I’m sure he knew that, but he didn’t press the issue. I just wanted to calm him down, the panic in his voice was enough to sober anyone. “What’s wrong?”

“Have you seen your sister?” he was still frantic.

“No? Not since she left for school.” I started my car. Edward must be gone. I didn’t know where she would have gone, but I needed to help Dad find her. 

“Her truck was here, but the door was locked. There was a note, but I just can’t find her anywhere.”

“I’ll be there soon. I’m in Port Angeles.” I’d be at least 40 minutes.

“Be safe, I love you.” My chest ached.

“I will. I love you too, Dad.” Once he hung up I drove as fast as I could within legal limits. I was too much of a mess to get pulled over.

When I got to the house, there were over around ten cars in the driveway. Dad had a map of the forests near our house spread out on the hood of his cruiser. He hugged me tight when I got up to him. I tried not to flinch away when he kissed the top of my head. I couldn’t stop the tears that fell.

“They’re really gone?” I couldn’t answer. I just nodded. He hugged me tighter. Billy and Harry exchanged a look that I tried to ignore.

“We’ll find her, Charlie.” Harry said.

“They wouldn’t have taken her wit-”

“No,” I cut him off. “No, they went alone.” 

“And he just left her in the woods?”

“We don’t know the whole story.” I tried. Billy scoffed. I wanted to punch him. 

I didn’t, I just let the silence surround us and tried to focus on the mumbles and police code over Dad's walkie. I think hours passed by in a hazy fog.

Then I saw Sam Uley. I could barely process anything, though I heard him say she wasn’t hurt.

“- she just keeps saying ‘he’s gone’”

He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone .

She wasn’t saying it anymore, but I could hear it in my head. A broken record that could only play, “He’s gone, He’s gone, He’s gone” and “Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye .”

Dad took Bella from Sam and pulled her into the house. I followed a few steps behind. Dad wrapped her up in his jacket on the couch. He gave some of the boys directions to where the spare blankets are kept, but I waved them off, opting to get them myself.

All of these people were here to find Bella. And me, I guess; had I never answered my phone. I handed the blankets to Dad as she confirmed she wasn’t hurt, she’d just gotten lost in the woods. 

The doctor left, the volunteers left. Bella hardly moved. I gave Dad the other blanket I had grabbed, knowing that as long as she was down here he’d stay here too.

“Go to bed, sweetheart. I’ve got her.” He said as he settled into the recliner.

“I will…” my voice was flat. The phone rang again, Dad moved to get it, but I was faster. “I’ll get it, just… rest.” 

A classmate of Bella, Laura, Lauren maybe? She did sound concerned, but also nosey somehow. 

“She’s fine, she just got lost; we’ve found her.” I repeated this to everyone who called. The phone rang on and off for a while. Once it got too late- or early, I guess- the calls stopped. I went back to the living room and sat on the floor. I sat directly in front of the window, pressing my face to the cool glass. I didn’t sleep, didn’t move; I  just watched the sunrise on a day I wasn’t prepared for.

The day felt like it was mocking me; because of course it would rain today. I wondered if they planned that. It was a Saturday, too. Bella didn’t have to go to school or work, I didn’t work. They probably wanted to make it easier. It wasn’t.

After some time, the phone rang again. This time Dad was up and to the phone faster than I could get there. 

“Where?” he paused. “you're sure it’s outside the reservation… But what could be burning out there?” He sounded both worried and mystified. Bella started to stir a little. “Look, I'll call down there and check it out.”

He hung up and called another number, his hand pinching the bridge of his nose as it rang. I could tell Bella was awake now, and listening too.

“Hey, Billy, it’s Charlie- I’m sorry I’m calling so early… no, she’s fine. She’s sleeping… Thanks, but that's not why I called. I just got a call from Mrs. Stanley, and she says from her second-story window she can see fires out on the sea cliffs, but I didn’t really… Oh!” He suddenly seemed much more annoyed than he was before. “And why are they doing that? Uh huh. Really?” He said it sarcastically. “Well, don’t apologize to me .  Yeah, yeah. Just make sure the flames don’t spread… I know, I know, I’m surprised they got it lit at all in this weather.”

Dad got quiet again before adding, “Thanks for sending Sam and the other boys up. You were right- They do know the forest better than we do. It was Sam who found her, so I owe you one… Yeah  I’ll talk to you later,” he agreed, still sour, before hanging up.

He muttered to himself as he walked back in the living room.

“What’s wrong?” Bella’s voice startled us both. He hurried to her side.

“I’m sorry I woke you, honey.”

“Is something burning?”

“It's nothing,” he pushed some hair out of her face. “Just some bonfires out on the cliffs.”

“Bonfires?” I knew she wanted him to clarify, but there was no inflection in her voice. She didn’t even sound alive.

“Some kids from the reservation being rowdy,” He tried to explain, the irritation still in his voice.

“Why?” She pushed. 

I could tell he didn’t want to answer, His eyes danced between her and the floor and over to me. “They’re celebrating the news.”

I let out a bitter laugh. Of course they were. I grew up around these people, but who cares about that. The vampires left town, what else did I expect the werewolves to do? Maybe I thought they’d be a bit more polite about their victory, but clearly I was wrong.

“Because the Cullens left,” Bella barely mumbled. “They don’t like the Cullens in La Push- I’d forgotten about that.”

I silently started to cry again. Neither of them noticed. I needed to stop thinking about them. The pain was nearly unbearable. 

“It’s ridiculous,” Dad spluttered.

There was a long silence before he spoke again, “Bella?” Her eyes drift from the window behind me to his face. “He left you alone in the woods?”

“How did you know where to find me?” She deflected.

“Your note… When you didn’t come back, I called the Cullens and no one answered. Then I called the hospital, and Doctor Gerandy told me that Carlisle was gone.” His name still took my breath away. Bella’s eyes shot to me. I wiped away the tears that fell.

Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye .

He’s gone, He’s gone, He’s. Gone.

“Where did he go?” Her eyes didn’t leave my face. I wasn’t sure who she was asking, but Dad answered.

“Edward didn’t tell you?” Bella winced, clearly in the same pain I was. Dad looked at me. I shrugged and shook my head. “Carlisle took a job with a big hospital in Los Angeles. I guess they threw a lot of money at him.”

I sighed, there was no way they really went to California. That was just the cover story.

“I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the middle of the woods,” Dad insisted.

She grimaced again, shaking her head. “It was my fault. He left me right here on the trail, in sight of the house… but I tried to follow him.”

Teenagers… I shook my head. At least Carlisle had the sense to leave me in a public place. More pain shot through my chest.

Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye.

He’s gone, He’s gone, He’s. Gone .

Dad tried to say something again. “I can’t talk about this anymore, Dad. I want to go to my room.” Then she shot off the couch and up the stairs.

“Y/n…” I looked at him, he hadn’t moved from the crouch. “Why would they just leave like this? Didn't they know how hard it would be on her?” I raised my eyebrows and his questioning. “And you. God, honey, I’m so sorry…”

I shrugged. There was some shuffling upstairs in Bella's room, I heard the creek of the floorboards, then silence.

“We should give her some space.” I mumbled.

“What about you?” His voice was soft, comforting almost. 

“I… I don't know.” I barely recognized the monotonous drone mine had become. 

“Space, then.”

I nodded “Space.” He moved to kiss my head, then sat back in the chair. 

Without another word, I drifted upstairs to my own room. The door was cracked just a bit. I pushed it open slowly, as if I expected he would be in there.

He wasn’t; of course he wasn’t.

The polaroid Emmett took over the summer, of me and Carlisle dancing in the rain, was no longer on my bedside table. I shut the door behind me needing to lean against it for support. The weight of the day brought me to the floor.

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

He’s gone, He’s gone, He’s. Gone .

Goodbye…

Part Two <3

Taglist

@jakanddexter67 @a-not-so-poetic-poet @bridge597 @cestlavie03 @gaymazinglula

(I know like two more people asked but I can't for the life of me find where, so if I left you out I'm so sorry and I will add you to the next one. <3)

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

i just read your post in which you ranked the twilight movies from best to worst and you mentioned a lot of the scenes were pointless to the movies, and i was wondering what scenes you would have used, in place, to make the movies better and more watchable

Asker is referring to this post.

A Caveat

It's okay to like the movies.

I may hate them and find them not only utterly dull but nigh unwatchable, but you're not me, and most of this site adores the movies. (Even the ones that claim they hate it, they loved that thirty-minute wedding in Breaking Dawn, every second of it.)

So, just because I don't like something doesn't mean I'm right or wrong. It just means I have opinions and people enjoy asking me about them for God only knows what reasons.

The Other Caveat

That wasn't the only reason they were bad movies.

Oh, it certainly helped, but I'll put it like this. Even with liberal editing and a very draconian screenwriter, they would not be good movies. There was the directing, the acting (even by phenomenal actors who, bless them, were doing what they were told and so we get Sheen's delightfully awful Aro), the special effects, etc.

At its heart, what really did Twilight in, was that the producers wanted to make money.

Oh, producers always do, it's their job, but in this case it was egregious. They were producing a cash cow and they knew it, throw enough fan service at the walls and the teenage girls will stream into your theater.

That kind of thinking is the death sentence of any story as it means a) a misunderstanding of what the point of your story is even about b) the sole concern not being to tell a story but to desperately make sure the broadest audience possible likes it and throws money at it.

The Twilight saga films were never going to be on par with The Godfather.

But Alright, You've Hired Muffin as Your Editor

Not screenwriter, mind you, as I would not be the one you want writing your Twilight adaptation. Meyer would have killed me and thrown a tantrum upon seeing my script, I'm sure.

But I'm editing and I get to decide which scenes you have to sit through and which ones you don't.

Rather than write a pretend script for you, I'll just go over the highlights:

Breaking Dawn Part One: The Wedding and Honeymoon

I would have cut the wedding. The wedding would take place during the opening credits as a montage, we'd get our fill of Bella in a dress, Edward in his suit, the beautiful atmosphere, and then we get a montage of them flying to Brazil, having their wedding night, and when the dialogue starts up it's the morning after and Bella and Edward explain that they're married, on Edward's private island, AND THEY JUST HAD SEX.

That's all we need to know, that's where the plot begins, everything else is fanservice. HALF AN HOUR OF POINTLESS FAN SERVICE.

Minutes are precious in cinema, we can't waste that much time on a scene that does nothing for the plot.

(And watch as people throw tomatoes at my head BECAUSE THAT WEDDING WAS PERFECT AND ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY)

I'd also skip most of the honeymoon through montages. We'd learn that Edward was very terrified of having sex with her, that this isn't a done thing, but we would not have to see the whole damn honeymoon. The next major scene is Bella getting sick and realizing that this film is actually Rosemary's Baby.

Eclipse: Bree Tanner's Short Life

I'd cut all the Bree scenes. Eclipse, in and of itself, was a giant mess of pointlessness. The movie had no idea what it was even about or even doing so it kept throwing canon spaghetti at the wall in the hopes that this made a cohesive story.

Edward and Bella aren't doing anything? Uh, LOOK AT THESE HOMELESS PEOPLE IN SEATTLE!

By introducing the Bree storyline we have more characters we don't really get to know or ever really get attached to. It also spoils the mystery of figuring out what's really going on behind the scenes with Victoria.

I'd also have cut the wolves + Cullens chase Victoria through the woods scene. It's just... so cheesy and pointless. All we need to know is them bickering and that the hunt is not going well.

What Scenes Would I Replace Them With?

I wouldn't.

Breaking Dawn had such a catastrophically long run time that it was made into two parts. It became two films about nothing. Rather like watching Waiting for Godot, actually.

They don't have to be replaced by anything, and if they are, then that scene better do something to advance the plot or our understanding of the characters.

But this is a weird exercise because what you're asking is "What would your Twilight screenplay look like" and the answer is that Meyer would murder me and you don't want me writing your Twilight screenplay.

So, it's probably best I stop here.

[bellaslilpapercut]

Oh boy New Moon! I've got some Thoughts a brewin' babey:

1. Smeyer: you do not need to remind your audience what happened last book, they aren't stupid. Imagine if SC started catching fire with ANOTHER explanation of what the hunger games are and that's the vibe of the first chapters of new moon. We remember james, we know what vampires are, we know that Bella is white, stop reminding us!

2. Bella has the worst self esteem of all time. Every bad thing that has happened to her since the Van Incident has been Edward's fault but she still blames herself and idk if this is Intentional Insecurity or if smeyer is protecting edward's "character" or both but gdamn it's depressing.

3. The reason I said Jasper was Inconsistently Written jumped out at me again. Smeyer dedicated a whole paragraph to pointing out how terrible jasper is at the diet or whatever but in the guide, smeyer tells us jasper actively tried to starve himself in the past because of how difficult his gift made feeding. He was one of only two Cullens to show bella empathy, he smelled her blood before, why does he attack her? The weakness of this decision is pointed out in the exposition: if it really were likely that Jasper would attack Bella, she wouldn't have needed a superfluous paragraph dedicated to telling us how bad he is at self control. If the story had convinced us of that beforehand, we would have believed the attack without the addendum.

4. The party is my least favorite part of the whole series and I will die on this hill: edward should have attacked bella. Bella should have tripped into something glass and edward should have lost it because he tasted her blood before and couldn't help himself. That way: edwards self loathing makes sense and he's forced to recon with his superiority complex from the ending chapters of twilight AND bella's self blame makes sense. A vamp who was able to starve himself before he even heard of the cullens should not have lost it around someone he spent days in close quarters with, building rapport and friendship. Edward got too high and mighty after he fed from Bella in Twilight, that should have had real consequence.

5. The writing is getting a little better as we near Edward leaving. "Better" isn't a good word actually but it's getting closer to the prose in twilight (which was flowery and annoying but at least it didn't constantly feel like being spoonfed exposition every paragraph). Hm wrote this blurb while I was still on chapter 3 and the vibe of being spoonfed reminders has not really dissipated lmfao.

We remember Sam Uley, smeyer, you introduced him four chapters ago. Just quick question: did anyone proofread this?? I think it's fair to say: when she isn't reminding us of things that we remember the prose is more similar to twilight. A little annoying but interesting enough to forgive the errors (or at least move past them easily enough lol).

6. I'm on chapter 8 now (I'm gonna break this up into three parts so I don't forget stuff like I did during the twilight reread) and there's a very heavy Vibe that smeyer is setting Jake up to be a parallel for twilight-era Bella. This line here is a pretty clear parallel for Bella telling Edward not to hold his breath in Twilight when he tells her she might get tired of him.

7. This line here "almost happy in a shallow kind of way" really jumped out. What Bella's narration says about Jacob versus her conversations with him (and her one paragraph about his happiness being effortlessly contagious) are at odds. It doesn't read like shallow happiness when she's with Jake. However, Smeyer is also a bad writer, she thinks the story she's telling us is literally what the narration says and not what the action shows and I think she realizes this in Eclipse (but obviously I'm not there yet so I can't say for sure).

8. I really can't get over the drop in writing quality. I know that she had already mostly finished Forever Dawn by the time Twilight was published (or was halfway done, I think her website said she had over 300 pages of forever dawn complete when she found out Twilight was getting published). I think the writing quality really reveals that she was not prepared to write New Moon. It's sloppier than Twilight in a way I'm not able to articulate (by that I mean I personally have a more intuitive than technical understanding of grammar and syntax so I don't have the language to break down the differences). Twilight itself is ripe with technical errors and plot errors and awkward exposition so it's not an overt drop in quality but I think it very much reads like a rushed writing job. She was committed to forever dawn, her publishers wanted New Moon, it shows.

9. I think New Moon was when I first started physically editing my copies of the saga lol. Even reading it now I'm so tempted to open up a word document and cut half of the useless shit out and fix all the grammatical mistakes. I can't even talk shit because I am also a comma-abuser but I hoped an editor would at least catch the errors before publishing. Guess not! Brevity is very clearly not meyers strong suit and this would have been a much stronger sequel if she had been able to reign herself in a bit. New Moon isn't supposed to be as narration heavy as twilight, there's already more action in the first seven chapters than the there was in the first 19 of twilight but she always delivers exposition via awkward dialogue or Bella's narration. Again, we already got a lot of the exposition in twilight, we know how vampires work et cetera. You can show us how bella feels instead of making her tell us and the story would run a lot more smoothly.

10. I'll end on a nice note! Little treat!

This is my favorite part of the book so far. I whited-out the useless dialogue tag because the line reads better without it ( line originally ends with "I emphasized" but she could have been brief and just ended the dialogue with an exclamation point for the same effect). The dialogue is natural and shows the J/B relationship that lives in my head way better than anything else I've seen on the page at this point. Like, I literally love this line more than any dialogue that preceded it (including twilight) lol.

[trashy-greyjoy]

These questions aren't on the list but nº 26 is free space so... 1) Top 5 fave books 2) What book you will always have a soft spot for? 3) childhood books that you remember fondly 4) relationships you got attached to the most as you were reading the book

1. Top 5

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

The Stand by Stephen King

A Darker Shade of Magic (and series) by VE Schwab

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire

Saga Vol. 2 by Brian K. Vaughn and Fiona Staples

2. What book will you always have a soft spot for?

I’m going with the Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld. It was the series that got me into YA and back into reading in middle school. It really introduced me to reading longer series and books and the whole young adult genre. After that I went on to Twilight and The Hunger Games and the like.

3. Childhood books you remember fondly?

I’ll shoot for the Warriors series by Erin Hunter, which I read in elementary school and like fifth grade. It was about clans of feral cats in the wilderness and all that jazz. I didn't read Harry Potter all the way through until I was in high school, so these books were like, my first series and my obsession as a kid that I grew up with. I still have all my copies of the first like 15 books at home. 

4. Relationships you got attached to

Kell and Lila from ADSOM would be the obvious answer, but I actually was more attached to Rhy and Alurcard when I read the books. And especially now because there’s so little fandom art and edits for them on tumblr that I’m real protective over my babies. 

But others include, Kaz and Inej because from the summary I thought Nina and Matthias would be more my ship, because I love that enemies to lovers trope, but Kaz and Inej grabbed me by the fucking neck and pulled me right under. And also I had a weird fixation on Richard and Door when I was reading Neverwhere. Even though they aren’t really romantic I really liked the dynamic and now that Gaiman is writing a sequel I hope I get to see more of them.

Ask me bookish questions!

[futuremrsdrcullen]

Aren't We Just Terrified - Part Three

Part Three of the New Moon reader insert fic that I've been promising for FAR far too long.

Summery- The idea of facing mortal danger just to see a ghost of him almost sounded rational here.

I watched as Bella hugged her chest to keep herself whole. I stood by as she chased adrenaline for the smallest glimpse of Edward.

I didn’t feel perfect- standing there didn’t heal me. I let out a small humorless laugh and shook my head accepting that I couldn’t keep pretending that there was never a wound in the first place.

Word Count- 18,067

Warnings- This is New Moon, so it's a lot darker than the first. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ I'm Always in This Twilight READ THAT FIRST!! Depression, abandonment, misunderstandings, break ups, Age gaps because of vampires, angst! It's very angsty, but it gets better! I promise it has a very happy ending.

Notes from me- My name is Claire and this is my second love child. I have finally finished my version of New Moon and I could not be more excited for you guys to see it.

This is book 2 of probably 5 so stayed tuned for the rest of them.

I DO NOT own The Twilight Saga. All rights go directly to S. Meyer.

Read on AO3 <3

Part one <3 Part Two <3 Masterlist <3

Thank you for being here, I Love you <3

Aren't We Just Terrified - Part Three

There sat Carlisle’s car. 

It was his car. I knew it was. I knew that car as well as my own.

He could be in there, waiting for me. I blinked back tears until I saw Dad's headlights. I could be crying when Dad got here, we had just lost a family friend. I got out of the car and turned off Bella’s. He shut the passenger door of the truck as I ran around to hug him fiercely.

“I’m so sorry Dad.” I really needed him right then just as much as he needed me. They were completely different reasons, and he didn’t know mine, but the fact remained.

“It’s hard to believe.” He sighed into my hair but his hug didn’t loosen. I nodded and he turned, one arm still wrapped around me. He pulled me to the door right as Bella ran out. She said the same apologies. She asked about Sue and the kids, though we knew as well as anyone how hard this would be all around. 

Dad’s other arm went around Bella and we walked towards the door.

“Uhm, Dad?” She hesitated. My chest tightened. “You’ll never guess who’s here.”

He turned quickly back to the car by the road like it hadn’t hit before that moment it was even there. I desperately looked at Bella, who was looking at the front door. I swiftly diverted my eyes to the ground beneath my feet. I couldn’t, wouldn’t look at whoever was standing there. I didn’t wanna know. 

I locked my eyes on a worm that was wiggling in a puddle. I begged it to hold my attention. 

“Hi, Charlie, Y/n,” Her voice was soft and subdued. “I’m sorry I came at such a bad time.”

“Alice Cullen?” I laughed, I wanted to roll my eyes, but I didn’t want to risk moving them from the worm. He didn’t sound like he actually believed she was there. “Alice, is that you?”

“It’s me.” She confirmed. “I was in the neighborhood.”

“Is Carlisle…?” His arm tightened around me, though I knew he was mostly asking about Edward. I still said nothing. I named the worm Jerry. I was entirely dependent on Jerry right now.

“No, I’m alone.”

I finally looked at her. She was here alone. Did he even know she was here? I couldn’t ask. I scanned her features hoping to find some kind of truth there. She was still so beautiful. She hadn’t changed at all, but she wouldn’t have I guess. Her eyes were dark, almost black.

I tried to soften as she looked at me. She wasn’t evil.

No, she and her family just left Bella and I to suffer for 6 months. I shivered and tore my eyes away and back to Jerry, who was wiggling his way to the mud. I wished he’d take me with him. Instead we headed inside. I still said nothing.

“There’s dinner for you on the table,” She looked between me and Dad.

“Thanks, Bells.” He shuffled into the kitchen and I followed the girls into the living room. They sat on the couch and I couldn’t bring my feet much further than the doorway. Alice pulled Bella to her and she rested her head on her shoulder.

“You look tired.” Alice whispered.

“Yeah… Near death experiences do that to me…”

“I’m sorry, what?” I raised my eyebrows at her as she turned to glance at me.

“I’m okay! Just went cliff jumping, and with the storm… Turns out I’m not as good a swimmer as I thought.  Jake saved me. It’s fine.”

“You could have died, Bella.”

“I know-” she tried.

“And you still have a fresh tattoo, by the way.” I added

It was Alice’s turn to be shocked, her brows furrowed and she shook her head once. “Tattoo?”

“It’s been more than a week. It’s probably fine.” She rolled her eyes but we couldn’t help, but chuckle softly. Bella pulled up her sleeve and showed Alice her tattoo. “Look, I got the day I started at Forks High, and Y/n got flowers from-” I crossed the room quickly and covered her mouth with my hand.

I spoke loudly over her. “So! Alice, what does Carlisle think about you being here?” I almost winced when I noticed this was the first time I’d said his name aloud since he left.

“He doesn't know. He and some of the others were out  on a hunting trip. I’m sure I’ll hear from him as soon as he gets back.” 

“You won’t tell him though… when he checks in again?” Bella sounded distant somehow.

“No he’d bite my head off.” Alice said grimly

Bella almost laughed; she just pressed closer to Alice instead. Her arms were tight, like she was certain if she let go, Alice would disappear again. She clung to her the way she held her own chest together. It broke my heart to watch.

I saw Bella’s eyes slowly starting to close and said “Get some rest Bells,”

“I promise I’ll be here when you wake up.”

As soon as Bella was snoring I started, “I should go-”

“I don’t know what Carlisle will do when he finds out I'm here, but I imagine he’ll catch the first plane to seattle.” She spoke softly. I just nodded.

“Thanks for the warning.”

“He hates this, Y/n. He hates that we left, and he hates that he hurt you. He never wanted to leave in the first place.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek and blinked a few times. I felt the tears that fell, despite my efforts. “But he did.” my voice shook, I didn’t give her time to respond.

I went upstairs as fast as my feet would carry me and collapsed into my bed. Yet, I don't think I slept an ounce.

~~

I stayed attached to Dad a lot after the day Harry passed, and Alice returned. I went with him to the Clearwaters everyday. They planned a funeral as I avoided my problems. Though I think Leah enjoyed my company. I think I helped her hide from her problems as well. The obvious one, and the potential werewolf transformation. Though I didn’t know if girls could be werewolves. I didn’t ask.

If Carlisle did come back, I wouldn’t know what to say, so I’d be there. Not that I really thought he would come back. If he came back with his perfect hair and stunning smile and stupid loveable face, I would be here and he wouldn’t be able to find me, not that I thought he would try.

By the morning of the funeral I was no longer surprised to see Alice sitting at the table ‘sharing’ a coffee with my dad. She wasn’t drinking it, but she put on a good show. Dad’s suit fit him well. He looked very nice, despite the gravity of the situation. 

I told him I would meet him there. He was going early to set up and I didn’t want, nor need to be there for 6 extra hours.

Bella was cleaning. I think she just wanted to make Dad's life easier. Alice was hanging around, wherever Bella went, so did Alice. They talked about school and old classmates. Alice talked about how Jasper started school, and mentioned how Carlisle is teaching classes at Cornell. I tried to imagine him as a professor, but I felt heat reach my cheeks and changed the subject before she could hear my heart rate spike.

“Do you think he’ll really come back?” I asked.

She nodded. “I know he will. I’m a little surprised I haven’t heard or seen anything yet. I do know he’ll get back from his hunting trip today, but that’s all I’ve been able to see so far.” If he wasn’t back, he didn’t know she was here and couldn’t make the decision to fly out here. She couldn’t see how it would play out until he decided.

If you had asked me 6 months ago, before they left, I think I would have believed he would fly out, but now? I didn’t feel like I knew him at all. “I genuinely have no idea what to say to him, if he does come.” I looked to my feet and crossed my arms. I didn’t like the way not knowing made me feel. Like at any moment a literal vampire was going to leap from the shadows and grab me. Sure I probably should have worried about that with Victoria, but I’d probably be dead before I noticed her, so I didn’t.

She almost looked confused. “Have you… I’ve seen you at the house.” I matched her expression, equally as confused but nodded. “Did you go into his office?”

Oh no , I sighed. “I never got that far. I got to the living room, but left after… that.” I chose to leave out the panic attack. She probably knew all about that anyway.

“I think you should see what's in there. I don’t really know what it is, but I think it might help you heal.”

Then the doorbell rang and Alice looked more confused than I felt. I decided I would try to go after the funeral. If I couldn’t get all the way to his office then I’d just wait for him to be here. I winced, the idea of him here still feeling impossible.

I would have panicked if Alice didn’t respond. “Bella, I have a fairly good guess who that might be, and I think I should step out.

Not Carlisle… Probably Jacob.

“Guess?” 

“If this is a repeat of my egregious lapse in foresight yesterday, then it’s most likely Jacob Black, or one of his… friends.”

Bella stared at her, mouth parted just slightly. “You can’t see werewolves?”

She grimaced. “So it would seem.” I could tell just how much this annoyed her. I made no effort to answer the door, even as it rang twice more. I did roll my eyes at him.

“You don’t have to go anywhere, Alice. You were here first.”

“I don’t think that’s a good-” I did not want a supernatural brawl in my living room. 

Alice agreed, cutting me off. “Trust me- It wouldn’t be a good idea to have me and Jacob Black in a room together.”

She kissed Bella’s cheek swiftly before she vanished. I wondered if she’d be back before I left for the funeral. Or if she’d hear from Carlisle while she was gone. 

Bella did actually go to answer the door the next time it rang. I followed slowly behind her, just in case it wasn’t Jacob. I knew it was, based purely on the incessant doorbell ringing, but I just wanted to be sure. Once I got close enough I could hear how stressed he was and how annoyed Bella was and I decided it was best to stay back.

“She’s not here. Do you need something?”

He hesitated. “You're here alone?”

“Not alone.” I called from behind her and waved once. “Hi Jacob.”

I didn’t miss when Bella rolled her eyes at him. I also noticed that he brought his friends and they were waiting in the car outside. I chuckled, but he kept his eyes on Bella.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Of course you can, Jacob. Come on in.”

She held the door open for him and I moved to take my leave. “I’ll go… do the dishes… If you need me. Kay?” I laid a comforting hand on her shoulder as I walked by. She bit her lip and nodded, clearly calmer knowing I wouldn’t be far, and they moved to the living room. He said something sarcastic to her and I decided it would be best to stay out of it.

It would only make things worse if I punched him, even if he deserved it. There weren't any dishes to do. I turned the water on and let it run for a moment, just to aid my story. I washed the one coffee mug in the sink and put away the clean dishes that were on the drying rack. 

Admitting defeat, I turned the sink back off. I really didn’t want to eavesdrop. I resorted to making coffee. I only had one cup this morning anyway. I hoped the brewing would be loud enough to cover they’re conversation. I leaned against the counter and watched it brew.

I heard Bella marching into the kitchen, her tone thick with annoyance. “Well, run along now. Go tell Sam that the scary monsters aren't coming to get you.”

“Okay,” His voice was calm and collected somehow, despite her teasing. I didn’t add that we didn’t know they weren’t coming back. Or that Carlisle was almost definitely coming back, according to Alice. But when she walked into the kitchen he didn’t follow, though I didn’t hear him leave. She leaned against the counter next to me and rested her head on my shoulder. For a long moment she didn’t move. The room felt so still.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek before I even knew it was there. I didn’t know how to comfort her. Surely, Alice being back didn’t mean Bella and Jake Couldn’t still be friends. Then I felt her tears soak my sweater sleeve, and I knew he had made that ultimatum.

Stupid supernatural drama…

“Bella…?” Jacob asked in a troubled voice. “I did it again, didn’t I?”

“Did what?” Her voice cracked.

“Broke my promise. Sorry”

“S’okay,” she mumbled “I started it this time.”

His face twisted. I’m sure mine did the same. The want to punch him rising again. I hated how easily he could hurt her; I just kissed her forehead and made my way out to the front porch grabbing a pen as I went.

They needed privacy and I needed air. Also time to process the idea that Carlisle might actually come back. I missed him. I missed him so much and there was a healing feeling in letting myself admit that.

I’d spent almost as much time missing him as we had spent together. I had loved him, trusted him, more than anyone before. I still love him, and yet there was this painful hole where he used to exist. 

The idea of seeing him now filled me with something akin to excitement or anger or fear, so much so that I was scared to even unpack it all. I had just gotten used to seeing Alice again. I had to get through the funeral. Then maybe I could sit down and evaluate my feelings. Or fall apart, which seemed more likely. I wrote ‘the hours before a funeral’ on the back of my hand.

I could almost hear the phone ring, but it stopped quickly and I figured Bella got it. Then I heard yelling and moved to go back inside and I felt the tell-tale sign of a vampire running past, the door barely even swinging behind Alice as she rushed in. 

By the time I could get in there Bella was on the couch. Her eyes were squeezed tight and she was leaning against Jacob for support. 

“What did you do to her?” He hardly sounded in control.

Alice didn’t seem to notice him at all. “Bella? Bella, snap out of it. We have to hurry.”

“What?” no one seemed to notice me either.

“Stay back.”

“Calm down Jacob Black,” Alice ordered. “You don’t want to do that so close to her.” 

“I don’t think I’ll have any problem keeping my focus.” He gained a small amount of composure, though his threat was made clear.

“Uhm guys… Is anyone going to tell me what’s hap-”

Bella pulled together and finished my question, “What happened?”

“I don’t know!” Alice cried in response “What is he thinking?”

“Who? What is going on?” I looked to Bella who looked at Alice then to Jacob expecting them to have an answer. Jacob said nothing and Alice reached in her bag to pull out a cell phone.

“Rose, I need to talk to Carlisle, Now”  She talked fast and hushed. “Great… of course he is. Is there a chance he could still call? No, I’ll be on a plane. Look, have you heard anything from Edward?”

She paused waiting for her to answer, her face got more and more concerned and angry with every word Rosalie spoke. I watched the phone shake in her hand. Something was very very wrong. I held my breath.

“Why?” she gasped. “Why would you do that, Rosalie?” More than anything I wished I had vampire hearing. I wanted to know what she had done to make Alice act this way. “Well you’re wrong on both counts, though, Rosalie, so that would be a problem, don’t you think? Yeah that’s right. She’s absolutely fine- I was wrong… It’s a long story… but you’re wrong about that part too, that’s why I’m calling… Yes, that’s exactly what I saw.”

My head was spinning trying to keep up. I tried to decipher what was going on, but still came up short. Alice looked more angry than I’d ever seen her, it was almost frightening. “It’s a bit late for that, Rose. save your remorse for someone who believes it.” Alice snapped the phone shut with a sharp twist of her fingers.

I rushed to Bella’s side and grabbed her hand. Alice looked like she was in pain, like she didn’t want to say what she had to say next. My own chest tightened. 

“Alice,” Bella got her name out before Alice could speak “Alice, Carlisle is back though.”

This time I cut her off, “Back where?”

“From his hunting trip… He called just a minute ago.”

Alice stared blankly at Bella, “How long ago?”

“Half a minute before you showed up.”

Her eyes went wide and she looked more focused. “What did he say?”

“I didn’t talk to him.” Bella’s eyes flicked to Jacob.

“ You answered the phone in my  house…” Oooh I really wanted to punch him “It was Carlisle, and you didn’t let me talk to him?” My voice shook.

“He didn’t ask for you,” I was going to punch him. Bella squeezed my hand and pulled me back. “He asked for Charlie, and I told him Charlie wasn’t here.” Jacob muttered resentfully.

“Is that everything?” Alice demanded, I shivered at her tone. I really wanted her to punch him, that would at least do damage.

“Then he hung up on me?” Jacob spat back. He was still shaking. I’m sure I was too. This was a mess.

“You told him Charlie was at the funeral,”  Bella reminded him.

Alice jerked her head back to Bella “What were his exact words.”

“He said, ‘He’s not here,’ and When Carlisle asked where Charlie was, Jacob said ‘at the funeral’”

Alice moaned and fell to her knees. I wanted to comfort her, but I didn’t know how. I wanted to throw my arms around Bella and never let go. I was panicking.

“Tell me Alice,” Bella whispered.

“That wasn’t Carlisle on the phone,” she said hopelessly 

“Are you calling me a liar?” Jacob demanded, losing a bit of control again. I huffed out a sarcastic laugh.

Alice ignored him and locked her color-drained eyes on Bella.

“It was Edward… He thinks you’re dead.” As she said his name I felt the color drain from my face. My hand covered my mouth as it fell open. Edward thought Bella was dead. I started to cry behind my hand.

But Bella seemed almost relieved? “Rosalie told him I killed myself, didn’t she?”

“Yes,” Alice admitted. Oh my god… how was Bella okay right now? “In her defense, she did believe it. They rely on my sight far too much for something that works so imperfectly. But for her to track him down to tell him this! Didn’t she realize…”

“Or care…” I added, absolutely horror stricken.

“And when Edward called here, he thought Jacob meant my funeral,” She was gripping Jacob’s arm and my hand like they were the only things keeping her alive. He didn’t flinch and I held on just as tight.

Alice and I shared a glance, unsure how to approach this conversation. She clearly wasn’t seeing the big picture. “You’re not upset,” Alice whispered.

“Well, it’s really rotten timing, but it will all get straightened out. The next time he calls, someone will tell him… what… really…” Bella trailed off, like what she was saying was finally dawning on her. I could see the questions flash in her mind.

“Bella,” Alice whispered. “Edward won’t call again. He believed her.”

“I. Don’t. Understand.” She didn’t actually say anything. It was like a whisper of a word that she had to force out.

“He’s going to Italy.”

I felt more tears fall. My heart felt like it was going to cave in. Dumb, over dramatic, teenagers; He was going to get himself killed because he believed she was dead. How stupidly Romeo and Juliette of him.

“NO!” Bella half-shrieked, though I think it was still hard for her to form words. It made us all jump. “No! No, no, no! He can’t! He can’t do that!”

He made up his mind as soon as your friend confirmed that it was too late to save you.” That’s why she came rushing back, she saw him choose death.

“But he… he left! He didn’t want me anymore! What difference does it make now?”

My chest tightened again and I was sure it was going to cave in soon. I had to admit she had a solid point. They didn’t care enough to stay, why would it matter to them that she had died. Maybe he blamed himself, I kind of wanted him to blame him myself.

“I don’t think he ever planned to outlive you by long,” Alice said quietly.

“How dare he!” Bella rose to her feet trying to push a still trembling Jacob out of her way. She dropped my hand. She was desperate and scared and so angry. She begged “What do we do? Can’t we call him? Can Carlisle?”

“Carlisle isn’t back.” I tried to answer for Alice, she shook her head.

“He got back but he’s on a plane.” She left off where he was heading but my chest tightened anyway. “That was the first thing I tried. Edward left his phone in a trash can in Rio- Someone answered it…” she was still so quiet.

“You said before we had to hurry. Hurry how? Let’s do it, whatever it is!”

“Bella…”

“Bella, I-I don’t think I can ask you to…” 

“Ask me!” Bella demanded. I really wished she wouldn’t, because whatever it is, I could tell it would be bad; I knew Bella would do it. I felt like I was going to be sick.

Alice placed her hands on Bella’s shoulders, I didn’t know if it was to steady her or to just keep her. “We may already be too late. I saw him going to the Volturi… and asking to die.” We all flinched, except Jacob, who didn’t seem like he minded all that much. “It all depends on what they choose. I can’t see that till they make a decision.

“But if they say no, and they might- Aro is fond of Carlisle, and wouldn’t want to offend him- Edward has a back up plan. They are very protective of their city. If Edward does something to upset the peace, he thinks they’ll act to stop him. He’s right. They will.”

My head was spinning, tears flowing freely at this point. Though Bella still looked terrified, she stood her ground. I knew there would be no chance of her changing her mind. She was going to Italy. 

Alice continued, “So if they grant his favor, we’re too late. If they say no, and he comes up with a plan to offend them quickly enough, we’re too late. If he gives in to his more theatrical tendencies… we might have time.”

“Let’s go!” 

“Bella, please-” I tried to grab her hand again, but she brushed me off.

“Listen, Bella! Whether we are on time or not, we will be in the heart of the Volturi city. I will be considered his accomplice if he is successful. You will be a human who not only knows too much, but also smells too good. There’s a very good chance that they will eliminate us all- though in your case it won’t be punishment so much as dinnertime.”

I cringed again. She might not come back from this; more so than last time. If she came back at all, she could be a vampire, and wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near people. This could be the last time I ever see my sister as the girl I know her as. 

And she was willing to go, right now- with or without Alice. 

“Tell me what I need to do!”

“You write a note to Charlie. I’ll call the airlines.”

Bella and I both lost our breaths again. “Charlie,”

“I’m not going to let anything happen to Charlie … Or Y/n.” He was still so angry he was shaking. “Screw the treaty.”

“Y/n, can you tell him?”

“No,” I shook my head. I almost laughed, but my chest hurt too much. “No, I will not tell our father, who is grieving his best friend, that his daughter left for Italy on a suicide mission to save her boyfriend from getting himself killed. Sorry, but I can’t do that to him, not right now.”

Her face softened, “I understand. A note will have to work.” She did sound understanding.

“Hurry, Bella.” They all broke off, leaving me alone on the couch. 

I brought my knees to my chest and rested my forehead on them. I didn’t even know where to begin to process. Everything that I’d been feeling since they left bubbling to the surface and threatening to tear me apart. 

I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t even cry. 

I tried to focus on the sounds around me. Alice and Jacob arguing, Bella running up the stairs. The room was spinning, but I managed to get to my feet. I got next to Alice and she let me lean against her for support. I knew she would have to go as soon as Bella was ready, but I used her cold skin against mine to ground myself. 

“Argue when we get back, let’s go!”

Alice kissed my head and pulled back. I could stand on my own two feet again, knowing I didn’t have time to fall apart right now. 

I grabbed Bella’s hand. “Bella,”

“I have to-”

“I know, just… Be safe, okay? Come home.” She nodded a few times then picked up her bag. I turned, pointing to Alice, “and You. Bring her home. Whatever it takes.”

She nodded too, “I’ll try very hard.” I could tell she meant it. “Carlisle will be in tonight, but I don’t know when. He hasn’t decided what to do when he gets here.” She threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly, before swinging me to Bella.

“I’ll be at the funeral. I’ll deal with that when I have time.” I hugged Bella with all the strength I had left and whispered. “I love you.”

She hugged me just as hard. “I love you.” when she pulled back our eyes met. I didn’t want to say goodbye and I could tell she didn’t either. I just nodded sharply and kissed her head and let her go. 

She stepped back and towards the door, Jacob stepped up to make his plea, but I couldn’t hear them over the ringing in my head. I took a page out of Bella’s book and wrapped my arms around my chest to hold myself together.

The engine to Carlisle’s car revved and Bella took off, still shouting back at Jacob.

“Take care of Charlie!” I think it was meant for Jacob, but he was already running off. I nodded. Then she stepped on the gas, the tires screeching in protest. 

And they were gone. 

I stared after them, but they were gone faster than I could keep up. Jacob’s discarded shoes hadn’t even hit the ground. He had shifted and ran off in the other direction.

I had to remember how to breathe.

Dad, my poor, sweet Dad had only just lost his best friend and now his daughter was very likely going to her death.

I’d probably have to be the one to tell him, so no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t break down yet. I didn’t even know where I’d begin. I’d let him read the note. I’d wait to hear if she was alive- human or otherwise- and then I’d start from the beginning. If she died, he deserved to know exactly how.

I’d spend every single second, hoping she’d come home, vampire or not.

But first, the funeral.

I had to get ready to meet Dad on the reservation in an hour. The funeral started in two. I couldn’t help but wonder where they’d be by then. I googled flight patterns to Italy. It would be at least 12 hours before they would land in Italy and it was only noon.

I had a very long night ahead of me.

~~

I showered, I got dressed, I attended the funeral of a man who had a hand in raising me, and I pretended to be okay. If I couldn’t do anything else, at least I could hold myself together for Dad. Bella never planned to be here, so luckily he didn’t ask about her. I wanted to tell him, he needed to know, but she left a note, and he didn’t need me unloading the family drama… not right now.

Everyone had already started to head home. Dad and I had stayed later than most, like we had all week. Billy and Sam stayed too, though Jacob left first. If Dad didn’t tell me, I probably wouldn’t have known he was here at all. He came in, paid his respects, then left just as quickly.

I knew the hurt he felt. We may never see Bella again, and there was nothing we could do about it. Except pretend nothing was wrong. It wasn’t easy.

A shiver shot through me. Everything got too loud, the world started spinning. I stepped out to breathe and collect my thoughts. This impending panic attack couldn’t happen here.

I wasn’t outside long before Sam came out too. I was leaning against the wall, my face in my hands.He didn’t say anything for a long moment. I pushed back the tears that were trying to break free before turning to face him. His eyes were soft when they found mine.

“Y/n… I’m-” he started.

“I know. Me too.”

There was another moment of silence before he spoke again. “It’s been a crazy couple of days…”

I couldn’t help but laugh softly, “Just a little.”

“Everytime things calm down, something else goes just so, so wrong.” He was laughing now too. Nothing about any of this was funny, but it was all the energy we had left.

“God it’s so bad.”

He still smiled as he said, “The pack is having a bonfire tonight. For Harry, and the Clearwaters. You could come, if you wanted.”

I shook my head. “I’ll need to be home. Dad doesn’t know Bella’s gone yet. I wouldn’t want to leave him alone tonight.” I winced, the last bit of humor completely faded.

“Do you…” He looked troubled. I could tell he didn’t want to add to my stress, but he asked anyway. “I know Bella said they weren’t, but now, I don’t know. Are they coming back?”

“Carlisle is. I’ll have to talk to him at some point.” I looked at my shoes. “He might not even stay. I don’t think the others will but… but maybe… Hell, I don’t even know that Bella is coming back.” I trembled again, wishing I could give him the answers he wanted. Maybe knowing would make me feel a little less hopeless.

“I’m sorry.” He sighed and ran a hand through his damp hair. “But I hope they don’t”

I almost laughed again. “That’s fair, I guess. I don’t have the energy to stress about it now.” I pressed off of the wall and started to drift back inside. He caught my arm.

“If you need anything. You or Charlie. If anything happens-”

I cut him off again, “I’m sure you’ll hear about it rather quickly.” I mustered some strength to pull my arm back and went inside. I didn’t need nor want any more of this wolf-y bullshit. 

I just wanted to go home. 

It was eight o’clock and all the adrenaline from this morning was completely gone. I had nothing left. Dad could tell.

“You can go home honey. I’m gonna be here a while still to help clean up.” I just nodded. He kissed the top of my head and I drifted back out. 

As soon as I was behind the wheel I knew I wasn’t going straight home. I found the house like it was second nature. I hoped, if he was here, he wouldn’t notice me pull in. I wanted a few more seconds to pull myself together. Outwardly, nothing had changed. For a second I thought maybe my instincts were wrong. Maybe he wasn’t back, but then I noticed the porch light was on.

~~

Carlisle’s Point of View

It didn’t take me long to get home, though it felt like days. I was looking at flights as soon as Rosalie had mentioned her name. I think I would have flown home soon anyway. 

I needed to see her. 

It was clear that someone had been here. The driveway wasn’t completely reclaimed by nature. All of the lights were off, but the power still flowed and they came on when I tried the switch. 

I pulled my car into the garage and shut it behind me. I didn’t know where to begin. I couldn’t just rush to her door, despite how desperately I wanted to.

I’d almost hoped she’d be here when I got here, but I hadn’t heard anything from her at all. She could absolutely hate me.

I couldn’t blame her, if she did.

The front door was unlocked. There was a small chance Alice had left it unlocked, but I doubted Alice would have used the front door and not her room access. Everything in the house was still covered in dust. The sheets hadn’t been moved.

Nothing had changed at all. A sinking feeling washed over me. There weren't recent footprints in the dust on the floor. She hadn’t been here in months. There was only one chair uncovered, but now it too, was dusty. Then the footprints led back outside.

I rushed up to my office. There was no evidence at all that she had even started to move this way, but I had to hope. I had to see for myself that she hadn’t. The door was still shut. My hand hesitated just above the knob. All of my senses were screaming that she wasn’t in there and yet when I yanked the door open I expected to see her.

But the office was exactly like I had left it.

Everything.

The letter, the money, the plane tickets. They all sat in the very same spot I’d put them 6 months ago. Dusty, and in the exact same spot.

She had never been here. She had no idea that I left this for her to find. She had spent this whole time believing that I had just abandoned her. Panic rose in my throat so high I thought I’d choke on it.

Quickly, I checked the clock. It was only a quarter past eight. She’d probably be awake. Probably about to head to work, though she might have taken time off for Harry Clearwaters death. I didn’t have time to think it through. I’d get to town and track her if I had to. I just had to explain everything. I didn’t expect her to forgive me.

I couldn’t even really forgive myself. How could I just trust that she would find this. I should have been more throughout. Edward and Alice’s opinion be damned. I should have just taken her with me.

If it would have saved her months of this pain.

I collected the papers and ran towards the front door. I glanced at the footprints again and felt my chest tighten. She had been here, and she found nothing. I had hurt her again and she’d left.

If nothing else, I had to see her. I had to see that she was okay. I had to give her this closure.

I swung open the front door.

~~

Y/n’s Point of View

I didn't think.

Gravity pulled me toward the front door. I walked as quickly as my feet would carry me. I would have ran, but I knew I would have fallen. I paused on the front porch to take a deep breath.

I didn’t know for sure he was here. I still hoped he wouldn’t notice me. Also it was entirely possible Alice had left the porch light on. Either way, Alice told me to go into his office. I just had to convince myself I could get in the front door.

I think my heart actually stopped when the front door opened.

I hadn’t really planned this far ahead. I didn’t know what to say and I completely froze. There he stood. Beautiful, golden, there- Actually right there. 

Over 100 times since he left I pictured what this very moment would look like, but not once did I think of what I would say.

I looked into his golden eyes. They were so bright and liquid, somehow. It would have taken my breath away, if I had been breathing. I just gaped at him. I saw the worry in his features and winced as my name left his lips and I had the strength to look away from his gaze. I silently prayed for Jerry to wiggle his way out of the ground at this exact moment. 

“you…” I took a shaky deep breath. “You left.”

“Y/n, I tried…”

“No. You left, Carlisle. I… I was in love with you and you left. I waited for it to be a nightmare. I kept waiting to wake up, but I didn’t because you really left.”

“Please, Y/n. I deserve everything you could say to me and worse. I just want you to know that I never intended to abandon you.”

“But you did.” my voice was broken and I couldn’t pull my eyes back to his face.

“I know…” He sounded so broken. He sighed and took the smallest step forward. I couldn’t even flinch away, not that I really wanted to. “God, Y/n. I’m sorry. I’m so truly sorry. I know that ‘sorry’ isn’t enough. I thought I left enough clues. I wanted you to find me.”

“What?” That made my eyes snap up. “How?”

“I asked you at the restaurant to take care of my plants. I just wanted you to find this…” he held an envelope out to me. I stared at it and shook my head. I couldn’t bring myself to take it.  He didn’t move. “There’s a letter explaining everything. The reason why I left the way I did, my plans moving forward. My new phone number, everything you would need to find me is in here.

“I thought if you made the decision to follow, Alice and Edward wouldn’t have the right to stop you. I had no idea you wouldn’t go in.”

“Alice…” I tried. She would have known, right?

“They refused to give me any information on what would happen when we left. They swore it was for the best. It’s not an excuse. I am fully capable of making my own decisions and I honestly believed it would be better for Bella if we left, but I wanted to give you the choice.”

I shook my head again. I didn’t try to stop the tears or wipe them away. “All of this was here? This… this whole time?” He nodded and I winced, more tears falling. “Fuck…”

He almost laughed, he almost took another step closer to me. I looked at his face and I could see the hesitation there. I was thankful for it. Despite how desperately I wanted to fling myself into his arms, I knew I needed time.

I raised my hand and felt the paper as he placed it in my palm. It was really dusty, as if to mock me that it was really here the whole time.

“I… I need time.” I could heal. I was already healing. “I need to read this and I need to hear from Bella.”

“I understand.” His voice was soft. 

“Shit… These are your kids, Carlisle. I’m so sorry.”

“She’s your sister. This isn’t easy for either of us. I’ll call you if I hear anything.” I nodded, watching his pained expression soften. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be here until you tell me to go.”

I nodded again. Looking at the papers in my hand. I knew I wouldn’t have the strength to leave if I looked at him again, but his eyes never left my face.

I turned on my heels and walked back to my car. 

He stayed on the porch as I pulled out of the driveway.

I just went home.

~~

Dad was still up when I got home. I braced myself as I walked in the front door. 

As soon as I opened the door, his desperate voice called from the kitchen, “Bella?”

“It’s just me, Dad.” I almost heard him sigh, but the sound was covered by a crack of a beer can opening. I walked into the kitchen, still clutching the envelope from  Carlisle.

“What the hell is she thinking?” I leaned against the door frame and let him rant. “She’s just gonna go running back to him? What kind of trouble is he in that would justify this?” He pointed to the note on the table. I tried not to focus on the tear stains on it. “He didn’t come running back when she was half dead.”

“He didn’t know how bad she got.” I tried.

“Bull… whatever. Nothing I can do about it now. She won’t even answer my calls.” he took a long drink from his can. “What’s that?” he nodded towards the paper in my hand.

“A letter from Carlisle-”

He threw his hands up. “Fucking great…” he let out a humorless laugh. “What’s he got to say?”

I almost laughed too, “I uhm… I haven’t read it yet. It’s from before they left, apparently it was at their old house the whole time…” I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or cry, or if I would be able to stop if I started either action. I bit my lip to distract myself.

I think he read my inner monologue “I’m sorry, honey. I know these last few days have been awful for you. You can go read that if you want, or you can take a seat and have a beer if you don’t. It can wait another day, if you need more time.”

“I don’t think I can wait another day.” I smiled softly and walked over to him. I placed a kiss on his cheek and hugged his shoulders. “I’ll let you know if I hear from them. You should get some rest.”

He returned my hug and grabbed my hand as I pulled away. “I’ll try here in a bit… Thank you for being such a good kid.”

I did laugh at that. “Hey! I was kinda rebellious at times!” He just raised his eyebrows at me. “Okay, okay. She’s totally got me beat. She’ll come around.” Hopefully…

“Love ya kid.”

“Love you more.”

I drifted upstairs. Once my door was shut behind me, I looked at the letter again. I had to open it. I had to know what it was. I could tell that it was more than just a letter. It was very heavy and in kind of a large envelope, so unless it was just a very strongly worded letter, there had to be more. 

I sat at my desk, setting the papers on the desk in front of me. My legs wouldn’t stop shaking and I could tear my eyes away. I don’t know how long I sat there, but I heard Dad’s bedroom door shut and I felt confident that if I had to fall apart, I could. As long as Dad was asleep, I couldn’t add to his stress.

I slid my thumb under the edge. I laughed softly as I thought What if I got a paper cut right now? I had to take a second to let the giggling subside. Again I couldn’t tell why I was laughing, it wasn’t funny, but the irony was just too much.

Once I finally collected myself I reached into the envelope. I pulled out the first thing my fingers touched. The neatly folded piece of stationary was for sure the letter. Then there were the keys to Alice’s Prius, two open plane tickets to New york. I guess he wanted to give me the choice of a plus one. I guess if I brought Bella, Edward couldn’t be mad at him. Then I pulled out a stack of 100 dollar bills that made my eyes shoot open. I counted it quickly and there were 20, 100 dollar bills. I dropped it back to the desk like it was on fire.

Shock was setting in. He left me two plane tickets, a car, and 2000 dollars… My heart was racing. I knew that the answers to all of my questions were hidden in the letter, and I was out of ways to stall.

~~

Dearest Y/n,

I can’t begin to apologize for leaving you. There is nothing I could say that would make up for the hurt I may have caused. I never wanted to leave in the first place but Alice and Edward swore it was for the best. They promised me you would be alright.

I have to admit, Bella being the constant danger magnet that she is, I have to agree. She would be safer if we weren’t around. Bella, but not you.

I know that you are safe with me. I won’t completely turn a blind eye to the obvious dangers. If you were to become a vampire, those dangers would dissipate further. I am certain that even as an immortal Bella will still find some life threatening dangers.

It all boils down to your choice, Cara. Alice and Edward have decided that they know what is best, but I will never take away your right to choose for yourself.

I’ll hide my thoughts from Edward and think of something else while he’s around and I’ll leave the choice up to you so Alice won’t see the decision. By the time she does, no matter how you choose, it will be too late.

I will respect your choice. I will stay away until you are ready, even if you never are. I will welcome you here with open arms, if you choose to fly out, or I’ll catch the first flight back if you would prefer I come home.

We’ve changed our phone numbers. Mine is (#) if at any point you need anything, please do not hesitate to reach me.

The plane tickets are paid. Bring Bella or your father or anyone you like. Feel free to leave the car at the airport and I will pay for the extended parking, or just have it moved. 

Whatever you need is yours, Y/n. I will be waiting every second of every day to see you again. 

I am truly so sorry. If I had a say, I would have never left in the first place. I wish I could have just brought you with me, but again the choice is yours to make.

I want you to know how much I love you. I never thought I would find someone like you and I do not know what I’d be without you. I won’t stop missing you until we are together again.

My home, my heart, will stay with you. I love you.

~Carlisle Cullen.

~~

I held a shaky hand to my lips as I scanned the words over and over.

He loved me. He never wanted to leave and I had sat here for 6 months convinced he had abandoned me. He had left everything he could, just to make sure I could make my own choice.

I love him. I loved him before he left and I had missed him more than I was willing to admit. Now that he was back, I wanted nothing more than to forgive and forget and go running to him.

But so much hurt still lingered. 

Bella and Alice were running head first into a lion’s den to save Edward from himself.There was no way of knowing when, or if, they would come back. I couldn’t just pretend there wasn’t danger. 

Maybe Carlisle didn’t know how bad off we were, but Alice and Edward did. She would have seen what leaving would do to us and they left anyway. I was okay. I was a mess and my heart hadn’t even started to really heal from the worst heartbreak I’d ever experienced, but with time I could have pulled myself together. Even when Bella was ‘better’ she was still basically lifeless and they would have known.

Alice came back because she saw Bella throw herself off a cliff and thought that was completely plausible. Bella was that bad and they knew it. Edward believed it too, and they both chose to abandon her. 

My anger wasn’t with Carlisle, though there was some anger with him; He was a fully grown adult, who is capable of making his own choices, and chose to leave. I needed time, I could forgive and move on, but I needed time to do it.

I found my bed, though my legs threaten to give out underneath me. Once I hit the bed I was 100 percent okay with never moving again, but I felt my phone buzz. I blinked away the tears just so I could read the message.

TEXT MESSAGE FROM Unknown number

2:18am: Alice and Bella made it to Italy.

And then another

2:18am: This is Carlisle by the way.

I couldn’t bring myself to say much so I just shot back a quick ‘thanks’

2:19am: Of course. I will keep you up to date when I hear more. Let me know if you need anything at all.

I didn’t respond. I made the executive, adult, decision to just lock my phone screen. I rolled over and let myself fall apart.

I just cried myself to the edge of sleep.

~~

Updates were slow to come.

Well, it felt slow anyway. It was 9am before he heard from them again. He called me to update me that time. I almost didn’t answer; I was too scared.

“Y/n” his voice sounded relieved, like he could sense my hesitation. 

“Have you heard from them?” I didn’t mean to be so short. I hadn’t slept at all. After I read his letter I couldn’t stop spiraling, and the knowledge that my sister was running basically to her death kept my mind too busy for any genuine rest to happen.

“Miraculously they are on their way back to the airport.”

“They’re coming home?” I hadn’t dared hope.

“They are. Alice wasn’t able to go into much detail, but they got there in time to stop Edward. They just had to wait for the sun to go down before they could leave to catch a flight.” I could hear the relief in his voice. I wanted to hold him.

“They’re really alive.” I didn’t like how broken I still sounded.

“Yes. Alice said she’d explain exactly what happened once they were home. I’m… I’m going to meet them at the airport. I have to see them.” His resolve was breaking, even over the phone I could feel the hesitation. “I could swing by and pick you up before I go, If you wanted to be there as well.”

Every voice in my head was screaming at me to say yes. I wanted a quiet hour with him. I needed to see Bella to really know she was alive, but still I said “I think I should stay with my Dad. He’s pretty bent out of shape.” I could hear him impatiently flipping through the tv channels trying to find something to distract himself.

“I understand. Family is a powerful thing.” He was quiet for another moment. I wished I knew what he was thinking, or that I could get on the other side of this to be able to comfort him somehow. He started again “Y/n… Is there anything I can do?”

“Oh…” I was sure there were things he could do, I just didn’t know what. I didn’t know how to do any of this. “I read your letter.” The words came out before I could stop them.

“You did?”

“I’m not mad at you… Well, I am but I’m not. God, Carlisle, I don’t know how to do any of this.” I put my free hand to my face and laughed. “I’m sorry…”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I can’t imagine what I put you through. I just wish I knew of a way to make things easier for you.”

“I know. Thank you for trying… Thank you for coming back.” I was crying again.

“Of course.” Then he just let me cry. And I cried for a while .

It was so comforting to know that he just stayed on the phone and let me cry. Slowly I ran out of tears.

“I’m… sorry. That was kinda a lot.” I chuckled.

“You’re perfectly fine.” He was soft and understanding and he chuckled under his breath. “You can take all the time you need.”

I nodded, though I knew he couldn’t see me. I peaked out my window and saw nothing but trees and rain. I tried to think of what to say, but I still came up short. I could hear Dad pacing downstairs and I didn’t know what to say to him either. I sighed. “I hate this…”

“I know. I wish I could make this right again. I wish I knew how.”

I was silent for another moment. “When Bella is home, and some of the dust settles, I’ll come over and we can work on this… Together.”

“Together.” I knew he was smiling. It made me smile too. 

We said our goodbyes. I layed back down on my bed and bit my lip. Sure, I needed to see Bella. I needed to see all of them home, with no intention of leaving again. I needed this to feel real.

We had a lot to work through, but after that, I think I could heal.

There was also a large part of me that didn’t want to wait.

I stalled most of the morning away. I showered, I even tried to write some, but I gave up eventually and drifted downstairs. Dad had his uniform on and he had made himself a very simple breakfast. He was eating like he planned on bolting as soon as he finished.

“Morning, kid.” He said when he noticed me, though it was a little delayed. I blamed it on the constant worry. On the off chance something happened, I hadn’t told him Bella was on her way yet.

“Morning, Dad. I didn’t know you were going back to work today.”

“Yeah, it hasn’t done me any good just sitting here.” I nodded and wrote ‘impatience’ on my arm. I understood what he was feeling; we had been here before. Last time I just didn’t know what danger lingered behind the scenes. His voice interrupted my train of thought. “Should… should I file a missing persons report?”

“No.” I answered too quickly. His head snapped up. “I just mean… She’s 18, and she hasn’t been gone that long. She left a note. I don’t know what anyone would be able to do.” I hoped I hadn’t raised his suspicion too much.

But he nodded and my heart settled a bit. “I know. It's driving me crazy not hearing anything from her at all. And Renee keeps calling for updates I don’t have.”

“I know, I’m sorry.” I rested my head on his shoulder. “Maybe she’ll call soon.” I absolutely hated this.

He let out a short humorless laugh, “Maybe.” He kissed my head and moved away from me to put his plate in the sink. Then he headed for the door, “You’ll be okay for dinner and stuff?” I nodded again, though I didn’t think he expected me to say no. He didn’t even look up as he gathered his things. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Dad…” As soon as I got it out, I heard the door shut behind him and I was alone with my thoughts again.

I went upstairs to look up how long a flight from Italy to Sea-Tac would take.

~~

Dad got home close to 8pm. He didn’t seem like he was up for talking. He grabbed a beer and turned on the game. He was asleep in the recliner before I was even all the way down the stairs. 

If I had guessed correctly, the soonest and quickest flight would put them in Seattle by 1am. Of course I had no way of knowing what flight they caught. Just because I heard they were catching a flight around 11am doesn’t mean the flight itself was right then. Due to my own stubbornness, I hadn’t asked Carlisle about it or connecting flights.

I was losing my mind a little bit more each passing hour. I checked my watch 1000 times. I made sure my watch matched the clock in the kitchen, they didn’t. I fixed my watch to match the kitchen, then checked my phone to find both the clock and my watch were wrong now.

I gave up and stormed into the living room, hoping some cheesy sit-com would help pass the time. 

When I finally let myself check the time on my phone again, it was almost 10pm. Immediately I panicked and dialed his number. I didn’t think it through, I just listened to it ring. 

It only got through half a ring before he answered. “Y/n?” I could tell he was concerned. 

Dad was still snoring in the recliner. I whispered, “Have you left yet? For the airport I mean?” I crossed my fingers.

“The others have. I was about to. Are you okay, did something happen?” The others? I didn’t let it trip me up. I’d worry about that later.

I took a deep breath, “No, I’m fine.” I just had to find the courage to ask him. “Could you… Could you still come pick me up?”

“Absolutely, I’ll be there in ten minutes and we’ll go straight to the airport.” he almost sounded excited. I couldn’t help but get excited too.

“Okay. Oh uhm, my dad is asleep in the living room so don’t pull into the driveway. Your headlights might wake him up.” 

He chuckled softly at that, “Okay, I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay…” I wanted to say I loved him but I couldn’t bring the words out. “Uhm… bye.”

I heard him laugh again and say goodbye before I hung up the phone. I quickly tiptoed upstairs, put something better than my pj’s on and went back down. I found a receipt on the dinner table and wrote a quick note to Dad, just in case he woke up while I was gone. 

      Dad, 

If you wake up before I’m back, I’m sorry. I went with Carlisle to pick up Bella from the airport in Seattle.

Brightside! Bella’s coming home!

You can be mad at me when I get back for not waking you up.

I’m sorry again. I’ll see you soon

                                                      ~ Y/n

I grabbed a pair of shoes and left as quickly as I could, locking the door behind me.I sat on the first step and put my shoes on. As soon as they were securely on my feet, I saw his shiny black Mercedes. I watched as he got out and went to open the passenger door for me. I allowed myself to run to him.

Somehow I think I startled him but he still caught me as I threw myself into his arms. I felt his face in the crook of my neck. I felt him breathe me in. 

I whispered, “Thank you. For coming home and for always planning to. Thank you for giving me the chance to choose. I still need time. I can’t just move on. But I want to and I love you and-” I was talking too fast, I don’t know if he understood me, but he chuckled against me.

“It’s alright, Cara. I love you. I’ll give you all the time you need and I’ll be right here with you.”

He didn’t push me for more or try to kiss me. He just held me for a long moment. “Okay,” It took a lot of effort to pull away from him. “I hate to ruin the moment, but we have some mello-dramatic teenagers to pick up.”

The sentiment made him really begin to laugh. “That we do.”

I got into the car and he slid in behind the wheel. I took a deep breath as we pulled onto the road and headed for Seattle.

~~

We drove in silence for a long time. The car held plenty of gas and I made sure to use the bathroom before leaving. We wouldn’t need to stop. Which worked in my favor, considering I didn’t think I could let go of his hand even if I had to. I would just worry about that when we got to the airport.

He broke the silence first. “What made you decide to come along?”

“Dad was already asleep, he didn’t seem like he wanted comfort when he was awake anyway… and I didn’t think I could wait until 4am to see Bella.” I debated saying the next part; a small part of me screamed not to. I wanted to be open and honest with him again. I wanted to trust him. “I also find your presence rather comforting. I missed it.”

Something like hope flashed across his features. “I missed you, Cara.” he gave my hand a light squeeze, before he focused back on the road.

I hadn’t missed what he had called me, then or anytime he did. It pulled at certain heart strings that before 3 days ago, I thought were gone completely. He had called me the Italian term of endearment pretty regularly before he’d left. Even now, my heart skipped a beat to hear him say it.

It still felt surreal to be there, in his car, holding his hand. I let the moment surround me; for once embracing the silence. I closed my eyes, listened to the rain hitting the car and just allowed myself to exist with him.

We reached the Sea-Tac airport in record time, not that that was a surprise at all. I avoided looking at the speedometer. Carlisle parked the car in the first spot he could find. He moved to get out of the car, but I pulled his hand.

He looked concerned, “Y/n? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing… I just needed one more second.” I didn’t want to admit that I was scared to let go of his hand or to go in there and see his whole family again. He nodded as my heart pounded in my chest. I took a few steadying breaths and looked at his face.

“Are you ready?” I thought about it, I was ready to see Bella. I didn't know how ready I was for the rest of it, but it had to be okay.

I nodded, despite everything.

He smiled softly at me and said, “Then I’ll be around to get your door.” I let go of his hand only after the promise that he’d be right back. If he saw through me, he didn’t let on. He was gone, but moments later my door opened and his hand found mine again. As we walked I pulled close to him.

It did not look like it had just passed one in the morning. Though it didn’t take us long to find Jasper. I half expected Rosalie and Emmett to be there too, but as if he was the one who could read minds, Jasper said “Rose and Emmett are bringing Edwards car closer. They didn’t want to crowd them.

When I nodded he continued, “Y/n, I want to apologize for my actions last September-”

“Jasper-” I tried but Carlisle squeezed my hand. I let him finish.

“I know, just hear me out. Over the last few days I have prepared for the worst and have missed Alice with every breath. I can only imagine what these last few weeks have been like for you. I’m truly sorry that my lack of control not only put you and your sister in danger, but also caused months of torment.”

I didn’t fault him. I wasn’t mad at him. It never even crossed my mind that I should be, yet I found myself nodding as I thanked him for the apology anyway.

“Have you heard from them yet?” Carlisle asked

Jasper shook his head, “Their plane hasn’t landed yet but should be here within the next ten minutes or so.”

We all fell quiet as we waited. I pulled my hand away from Carlisle’s only to write the words ‘busy airport at 1am’ on my arm. He looked confused, but didn’t ask me, he was probably saving the questions for later. As soon as the pen was capped and back in my pocket, I relocked my fingers with his.

I saw Alice first. The air left my lungs again as she practically skipped straight to Jasper. Both of their hands met and neither of them spoke loud enough for me to hear. I quickly looked away to give them privacy. 

And then I saw Bella and I ran to her. I slowed before I reached her, not wanting to tackle her to the ground, but I hugged her the best I could. I started crying immediately.

“Oh Bella, honey. I’m so glad you’re alright.” The sound was muffled by her shoulder. She hugged me back just as fiercely, though Edward was the one supporting most of her weight. Then I moved to hug Edward, while screaming in my head ‘ I’m so glad you’re alive. If you ever pull some shit like this again, I will kick your ass; Vampire or not.’

He grinned, repentant. “Sorry, Y/n”

The tightness in my chest eased slightly. Despite everything, I was still happy to see him. Still very mad about everything, but happy to see him. Carlisle stepped forward and his hand found mine again. I think he needed it as much as I needed his. 

“Thank you, Bella,” Carlisle said. “We owe you one.”

“Hardly.” Bella mumbled. It broke my heart to see how tired she was.

“We should head home.” I hoped dad was still asleep. Maybe we could even sneak her in without waking him up and we could handle the situation tomorrow sometime. 

We drifted wordlessly back out of the airport and to the cars in the garage. Bella perked up at the sight of Rosalie and Emmett. Edward stiffened.

From beside me, Carlisle whispered, “Don’t. She feels awful.”

“She should,” Edward said, definitely not in a whisper.

“It’s not her fault,” my brow furrowed as I looked at my sister. I was kinda shocked she felt that way, though I didn’t necessarily disagree.

“Let her make amends,” Carlisle pleaded. “Alice and Jasper can ride with us.” I nodded when he looked at me for confirmation. I didn’t point out that someone would have to ride with us, or that I’d prefer it be Edward and Bella. I just let them make the decisions here.

“Please, Edward,” Bella said. She didn’t seem all that excited either, but that could have been the exhaustion talking.

I hugged her again, quickly. “I’ll see you at home.” She nodded and Edward helped her to the car. I didn’t envy that car ride. I also wasn’t excited for ours either. The deja vu wasn’t lost on me. All of the panic, and the drive to the airport felt exactly like it had last time. I still had so many questions I wanted answers to.

Jasper held open the back door for Alice and she pressed a quick kiss to his lips before getting in. I did envy that, however. I couldn’t kiss Carlisle again, at least not yet. None of this felt real enough to allow myself to kiss him. I was still so scared he would disappear. He did open my door for me, but he didn’t expect me to kiss him. He respected and understood my boundaries.

As we pulled out of the parking garage, Carlisle gentilly grabbed my hand again. “Alice,” He started.

“Yes?”

“Could you please explain what happened?” His eyes met hers in the rearview mirror.

“Of course.” Her voice still sounded like a song.

“Please start from the very beginning.” I took a deep breath and she began.

~~

The explanation took the entire drive home and though it wasn’t exactly what we wanted to hear, it was nice to understand the situation better. I was grateful for the knowledge. 

In essence, the Volturi demanded that Bella became a vampire. Bella was, of course, ready to jump into immortality right away. And, because Aro had read both Alice’s and Edward’s thoughts, they knew about me too. I got the exact same ultimatum. Become a vampire or die. I tried to quell the panic rising in my throat. Alice would see when they decided to follow through with their threat. I still had time. 

I would have chosen it before they left anyway.

The car was quiet after Alice told us about the flight home. We were almost to my house. I was still trying not to panic but I managed to force the wor ds out. “So, you guys are back? Like… really back?” I could see my street coming up. “Because I missed you and when you left, it hurt and I can’t do it again. I… I can’t watch Bella hurt like that again. If the Volturi are after her and she dies-”

“ Mon coeur ,” Carlisle’s voice pulled my focus. His hands moved to cup my cheeks. The car was idling on the street in front of my house, the headlights were off. “I’m here.”

“I know but-” I was losing it and he could tell. He just tried to bring my focus to him.

“I won’t go anywhere, unless you want me to go.”

I looked into his eyes and found comfort in the sincerity there. “I-I don’t.”

“Then I won’t.” I wanted to kiss him again. My heartbeat slowed and I found it in me to produce the smallest smile.

“Oh no.” Alice winced and my heart rate shot back up. I saw Edward and Bella pull into the driveway; their headlights were also off. “Charlies awake.”

“Fuck…” That made Carlisle and the others laugh. “You guys have to go. This is going to be hard enough without him shooting at you.” I swung my door open and undid my seat belt but before I got out, I turned back to him. 

I had to trust him. I needed to get it out of the way. If I did it now, then I wouldn’t have to worry about it later. Quickly I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. It was a very small kiss, but it gave me more courage than I would have been able to muster on my own. 

“I love you.” I saw the porch light turn on and Dad swung the door open. I got out of the car.

“I love you.” I heard Carlisle say through a laugh. He waited until I was close to Edwards car before he turned the headlights back on and drove off.

“Y/F/N SWAN!? Where the hell have you been? Who was that?” He was clearly very angry and didn’t read my note at all, but before I could answer his eye moved from me to the car next to me. “Isabella!?” He almost looked relieved.

But then he just looked absolutely pissed.

“You should go,” I whispered to Edward as he lifted Bella into his arms.

“It will be fine.” I don’t know how he sounded so confident.

“I can’t believe you have the nerve to show your face here.” Dad marched closer to us. I wanted to beg him to calm down, but I knew engaging would make things worse.

Bella didn’t seem to care so much. “Stop it, Dad.” though I doubt that he heard her.

“What’s wrong with her?” I didn’t know if he meant mentally or physically. 

“She’s just very tired, Charlie,” Edward assured him under his breath. “Please let her rest.” I winced.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Dad yelled. “Give her to me. Get your hands off of her.”

“Dad-” I hated how rude he was being, though I could hardly blame him. He was taking this too far. Edward did try to hand Bella off but she wouldn’t let him go.

“Cut it out, Dad.” She said with more volume. She wasn’t going to let Edward out of her sight anytime soon. “Be mad at me. ” 

We made it up the front steps. Bella looked at the sky, but it was still dark and the clouds blocked any light that might have been there this early.

“You bet I will be,  I’m pissed at both of you.” His glare came to me, I tried to smile sheepishly, but it didn’t land. “Get inside.”

“Kay. Let me down.” Bella sighed.

Once he had set her down, she lost her balance and nearly toppled over. Edward caught her before it was too late.

“Just let me get her upstairs, then I’ll leave.”

“No,” Bella cried. I could tell she was panicking, but I knew he’d just sneak back in the second Dad was out of earshot. I grabbed his arm as they drifted upstairs. He was only gone a second before Edward came back downstairs. Dad didn’t look up from where I had placed hand on his arm. 

I could tell how mad he was. I could feel him shaking. I felt guilty somehow.

Edward paused, like he was going to say something. Dad didn’t let him try. “Get out.”

“Dad-”

“Sir-”

“No, this is my house. I make the rules. You don’t get to waltz in here and pretend nothing happened. In fact I won’t let you. If you step in a single foot through that door again-”

“Dad! Seriously? I’m sure he gets it.” Dad scoffed, “Edward, go.”

He left without another word.

“So, you’re on their side?” It was my turn to scoff.

“There aren't any sides, Dad… I don’t want to do this tonight. I just drove to Seattle and back. Can you hate me tomorrow?” I dropped my hand back to my side. I didn’t even have it in me to cry at that point. I started up the stairs.

“I don’t hate you, Y/n. I just don’t understand-”

“Great, and we can figure that out in the morning.” I didn’t look at him again. I just kept moving towards my room. “Love you, Dad.”

I barely heard him mumble he loved me too before I shut the door behind me.

~~

Bella slept the whole day away, I spent my time locked in my room, and Dad grumbled his way around the house until he went to work. When he got home, he grumbled some more and then also shut himself in his room. 

I tried not to let it bother me.

I decided to give him some time to calm down before I went to Carlisle’s house. My house? Now that they were back, was it still mine? Not that I ever really wanted it in the first place. I wasn’t sure how I’d even address that situation.

I shook my head and tried to focus. If I left now, Dad would follow. Probably armed…

Everything was proving much more difficult than I had ever wanted it to be. Even almost a full day later, I still could hardly process it. I couldn’t even get my brain to turn off long enough for me to sleep.

I kept turning over and staring at the ceiling. I’d gotten up and stared out the window, tried counting sheep and making up stories in my head to try to distract myself. Not a single thing helped at all. So I gave up and sat on the floor by the window and listened to the rain for a while until I heard a soft knock on my door.

“Y/n?” Bella poked her head in, clearly checking to see if I was awake. “I’m going over to the Cullens’ house, could you come with me?”

“Right now?” It was well past midnight; closer to sunrise than sunset. She nodded. “Do you need a ride?”

“No, Edward will take me. I just need your input on something.”

“Oh… Uh, sure.” I tried to act like this wasn’t completely bizarre.

She smiled widely, “Good! No time to waste.” She grabbed my wrist and pulled me up from the floor. “Let’s go! Chop, chop.”

She only gave me a few minutes to change before she hurried me out the front door. I’m sure she only waited a second before Edward was back to run her to his house. Physically run, because we didn’t want him to bring his car to the street. Dad had eyes everywhere. They were smart enough to know at least that.

It didn’t matter that I drove a bit over the speed limit. They still made it there before me, and were full on making out when I got there. I never thought Bella would need to move on. She didn’t see things the way I did. She was never really mad at them. The whole time, she would have done anything to bring them back. I wasn’t even a little surprised that she could be so okay now. 

I don’t think they noticed I had pulled in. They talked amongst themselves for a few more moments before Edward pulled her through the door. I hesitated, getting out of the car slowly and moving toward them. I saw Bella turn and wave me in. I took a deep breath and followed.

I heard Carlisle before I saw him and my heart fluttered in my chest. “-this is not a purely a social visit?”

Bella nodded. “I’d like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important.”

Carlisle and Edward shared a look. I wondered what he was thinking. Edward just looked a bit critical.

“Of course. Why don’t we talk in the other room?” Carlisle suggested. I didn’t make a sound. I hadn’t made a sound the whole time and I don’t think they noticed I had come in because when Bella turned to tell me to follow, both men sharply looked in my direction.

“Y/n…” Carlisle basically breathed my name and his face softly slightly. I practically skipped to grab his hand. His fingers interlocked with mine as he led us into the very unused dining room. “I didn’t think I’d have the pleasure of seeing you this soon.” He whispered.

I knew the other could hear us, but it still felt intimate somehow. Like it was just the two of us. Feeling his cool breath on my ear made it hard to not blush.

“Bella… Can be stubborn.” I laughed. “I don’t have any idea what this is about.” His hand tightened on mine, but he still seemed calm.

I noticed as we walked how clean the house was. Nothing was dusty. The sheets were gone. It was like they never left. It bothered me more than I thought it would. I knew they’d be back, but I just didn’t want to pretend nothing had happened.

The others filtered in the room. They all picked spots at the table like this was a perfectly normal thing to do. Everyone was smiling, even Rose. Which was new and so odd. Carlisle pulled the chair next to him out for me and Bella sat on my other side. Edward sat on the other side of her.

Carlisle nodded toward Bella, “The floor is yours.”

“Well,” She bit her lip before continuing. “I’m hoping Alice told you everything that happened in Volterra?”

“Everything,” Alice assured.

Bella looked grateful, quickly glancing at me. I nodded. “And on the way?”

“That too,” she nodded.

“Good, so we’re all on the same page.”

That’s what this was about. I felt silly for not guessing before. They’d talked about turning Bella and now she was trying to cash in. She had made up her mind and she wasn’t going to wait. Despite the fact that she had a thousand reasons to wait.

We both did.

“So, I have a problem,” she began. “Alice promised the Volturi that Y/n and I would be like you.  I know they are going to send someone to check on us, and I’m sure that would be very bad- something we’d want to stop.

“And so, now, this involves you all. I’m sorry about that.”  She looked around the table. I couldn’t bring myself to meet her gaze. My eyes dropped to where Carlisle’s hand held mine. “But, if you don’t want me, or us… then I’m not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not.”

Someone must have tried to add something, but Bella cut them off. “Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don’t want me, then… I guess I’ll go back to Italy alone. I can’t have them coming here.”

I forced myself to make eye contact with her. Her face looked riddled with grief. She met my gaze and I shook my head once. A single tear rolled down her cheek when she caught on to the words I wouldn’t say.

‘Not alone.’

I think Edward growled. We just ignored him.

“Taking into account, then, that we won’t put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire.  Just me. Y/n can decide whenever she’s ready.”

“Thanks…” I barely mumbled. I was not ready to decide anything. I wanted to at least talk to Carlisle about everything first.

Bella gestured to Carlisle for him to begin, but Edward caught on too quickly. “Just a minute. I have something to add, before we vote.” I had to laugh. I wanted to hit my face on the table. “About the danger Bella’s referring to. I don’t think we need to be overly anxious,”  He nearly grinned, like he had been waiting to throw this into the gauntlet. “You see, there was more than one reason why I didn’t want to shake Aro’s hand there at the end. There’s something they didn’t think of, and I didn’t want to clue them in.”

“Which was?” Alice prodded.

“The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it’s  not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?”

Bella shuddered, clearly she did. I had to try to remember which one he was. I got stuck between the tracker one and the twin to Jane.

“He finds people- that’s his talent,” He answered for me. “That's why they keep him.

“Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri’s talent works. He’s a tracker- a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the… flavor?”

“Eww?” I’m sure the disgust was painted on my face. Carlisle chuckled.

“I don’t know how to describe it… the tenor… of someone’s mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances.

But after Aro’s little experiments, well…” Edward shrugged.

“You think he won’t be able to find me,” Bella said flatly.

I could tell how smug he was. “I’m sure of it. I don’t think he’d even be able to track Y/n. He hasn’t met her, and we could easily keep it that way. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn’t work on either of you, they’ll all be blind.”

“That doesn’t mean he couldn’t track me, I’m not like Bella.” I tried.

Surprisingly, Emmett added “Not exactly, but there’s something similar. We’ve all noticed it. I know you have too. You can walk into a room of vampires and not a single one of us will notice you. There has to be something to that.” 

“We don’t know that for sure,” Carlisle mumbled, his grip tightening ever so softly 

“Exactly! So How does that solve anything?” Bella asked.

“Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they’re planning a visit, and we’ll hide you. They’ll be helpless. It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!”

He and Emmett exchanged a glance and a smirk.

“But they can find you,” Bella reminded him.

“And I can take care of myself.”

“Oh my god…” I placed my forehead on the table. Why was Edward being so dense? I was nearly shaking and the only thing keeping me grounded was Carlisle hand on mine. Clearly I wasn’t the only one with a problem because just about everyone else was very against Edwards plan. Except Emmett and Jasper, who continued to encourage him.

Bella wasn’t letting up. “All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider. Let’s vote.” Her voice was still so calm and collected, I wanted to vomit. She looked to Edward. “Do you want me to join your family?”

His eyes were jet black. I wondered how long they had been that way. “Not that way. You’re staying human.” I almost laughed.

Bella nodded once and moved on. “Alice?”

“Yes.” She said it like it was easy.

“Jasper?”

“Yes.” I winced and just kept my eyes closed. I used my free hand to hold my head up; bracing my palm on my forehead and my elbow on the table.

Bella pressed on, “Rosalie?”

“No,” Thank god… “Let me explain. I don’t mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister, it's just that… this isn’t a life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me.”

It was my turn to squeeze Carlisle’s hand. Though, I knew it wouldn’t do much to ease the overwhelming guilt he felt. I just wanted to remind him I was there.

But, somehow Bella accepted her reasoning. “Emmett?”

“Hell, yes!” he grinned. “We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri.” I had to bite my finger to keep from screaming.

I felt Bella’s eyes on me, Then Carlisle’s. I huffed out a humorless laugh and shook my head. “Oh, I get a vote?”

“Of course, Y/n. This is about you too.” Bella’s voice was soft. I could already tell she regretted saying that. 

I was going to make that regret so much worse. I laughed. “I think you’re clueless. I think every one of you who voted yes, is clueless.

“Lets not forget, Bella, that a week ago, none of them were here.” I watched several of them wince. “These same people decided six months ago that we would be better off without them. And now you’re just so ready to strap into a literal forever with them. It’s insane, actually.” I let out a shaky breath.

“I know that I am grossly outnumbered and I’m not saying never,” Edward growled, I rolled my eyes. “You’re gonna have to live with it Eddy boy, it’s been decided and you know it. But can we give it some fucking time? Maybe circle back in a couple months, a year?”

Bella’s sharp eyes never left mine, “No. We’re deciding now. Final opinion?”

“For right this very second? No. I don’t think you should be a vampire.”

“Great. Thanks. Carlisle?”

His eyes were on Edward. I watched Bella start to panic. I knew better, I knew where his vote lay; I dropped his hand. He had the deciding vote, there were three yes’s and three no’s. 

“Edward,” he said.

“No.”

“It’s the only way that makes sense.” Carlisle insisted. “You’ve chosen not to live without her, and that doesn’t leave me much of a choice” Edward stalked out of the room. “I guess you know my vote.” he sighed.

I couldn’t bring myself to look at any of them, though I could feel his eyes on me. I was still shaking. There was an ear splitting crash from the other room that made me jump and definitely didn’t help my nerves.

Bella spoke quietly, “That’s all I needed. Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you.” 

A hush washed over the room, Alice moved to hug Bella. I closed my eyes and waited for a good point to leave. 

“Well, Alice. Where do you want to do this?” I didn’t even have time to react.

“No! No! NO!” Edward roared charging back into the room. “Are you insane?”

“Clearly…” I mumbled under my breath.

“Have you utterly lost your mind?”

“Uhm, Bella. I don’t think I’m ready for that. I’ll need to prepare…” I rolled my eyes.

“You promised,” Bella added, sounding like a whiny child.

I tried to tune them out. I focused on the sound my nail made when I tapped it on the table while they debated which one of them got to bite my sister tonight. The more Bella spoke the more muffled she got, like Edward was doing everything to get her to stop talking.

Bella wasn’t going to give up. I couldn’t take it. I pressed my palms against the wood of the table and left. I didn’t say a word. I felt Carlisle’s soft golden eyes follow me out of the room, but he made no effort to stop me. Not that he could if he tried.

I practically sobbed as I sat down on the front porch, the door slamming behind me. I didn’t make a sound- couldn’t. I sat there and let the cold air wrap itself around me and cried. I didn’t know how or when I would be able to go back inside. 

I listened to the crickets. I saw the sun peaking over the tree, just barely shining through the thick clouds. I didn’t cry for very long, I didn’t really have it in me. I just needed to leave the room and allow myself time to pull myself together. 

When the front door opened again, I never expected Alice to step out, but then she was sitting next to me.

“They went home… She agreed to wait at least until graduation. But the decision of when exactly hasn’t been made yet.”

I laughed, “Sure seems like it has.”

“Edward won’t do it so soon. He also won’t let anyone else do it.” She rolled her eyes, but was still so delicate with me. “There’s no set time line. She will be one of us, but it doesn’t have to be right now. Even when we were gone the vision of Bella never changed. We’ve just been delaying the inevitable.

“My visions have been wrong before. The future changes constantly. Edward and I agreed that if we left she would eventually move on, and be so much safer. But it never changed and I saw her jump off the cliff and…” Her voice trailed off. I think if she could cry she would have been. “Oh, Y/n… I’m so sorry. I wish I could change the way I handled things. I wish I could save you from all of this hurt.”

I let her hug me. I even pressed into her. 

I didn’t want to be mad anymore. More than anything, I wanted things to be normal. Or at least as close to normal as the Cullens could manage.

I looked to find Carlisle leaning against the porch railing. I didn’t know when he had come out, but I was thankful for his presence. Alice pulled away from me as I locked eyes with him. I tried to convince myself he was really there.

From the doorway behind me, Jasper spoke. “We’ll give you guys some privacy,” He said it kind of loud. Much louder than he needed to for just me to hear. I wondered how much privacy we were being given.

My eyes never left Carlisle’s. Alice and Jasper disappeared into the house and I stood up. He moved towards me. 

“I understand if you're mad at me…”

I kept my eyes on his face but said nothing.

“I won’t lose my son.”

“I know… I didn’t expect you to vote no. It’s okay.” I wasn’t going to blame him for Bella’s impulsive and reckless decisions. He just wanted to protect his family.

“There’s still time, Cara.” His cool hand pressed against my cheek, whipping away any remaining tears. Somehow it was more comforting coming from him.

I nodded. “I can’t make the same choice she has…”

“I would never ask you to.”

“At least not- not right now.” I leaned into his touch. “I always planned on being like you at some point.” His brow furrowed. I took a deep breath.

“Before you left, I knew that this was the life I wanted. I was always going to choose you and your family. I accepted that that meant I had to be like you, at some point.” I chuckled softly at the confusion on his face and continued. “I had a plan and everything. All I wanted was five human years. To love you, to see more of the world with you. Once the kids had settled and everything didn’t feel like it was out to get us, I would have asked you to turn me on some romantic getaway in Barcelona or Paris. Honestly, anywhere as long as it was miles and miles away from the people I love. I don’t want to be a danger to them...” A delicate smile started to form on his lips. He wrapped an arm around my waist to pull me closer to him. 

“We could still have that, if you still want it. The Volturi won’t think to check in on us for a while. It could be more than 30 years before we hear from them again, and Alice will see when they decide. You could be well into your fifties-”

I faked a gag. “Let’s not go that far.” I smiled up at him, “I just want more time with you.”

“That can be arranged.” I raised an eyebrow. “Stay with me tonight.”

“My Dad might actually kill us.” 

“Then tell him where you are and he won’t feel the need to come looking. You’re an adult. He can’t ground you.” He held my chin between his finger and his thumb. “Stay with me.”

I nodded and he kissed me. 

For the first time, all of this felt real again. Yes, he did leave, but he never really wanted to. He had spent months wanting to hear from me just as much as I wanted to hear from him. And he came back. He was here now. 

Because he came back. Because he never wanted to leave. 

I melted into his kiss. His hand pushed my hair off of my face. Before long, I was dizzy and probably would have fallen over if he wasn’t supporting me.

He pulled away first and my forehead fell against his chest. It felt so easy to laugh again.

“If I don’t text him now I’m going to forget and he really will show up this time. I think he’s just looking for a reason anyway.” Carlisle chuckled and handed me my phone, though I didn’t know when he got it. I typed up a very short message and hit send before I could think better of it. I turned the volume off and slid the phone into my back pocket. I looked back at his face.

“I love you.” My voice already sounded significantly less hollow.

“I love you.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “We’ll take this one day at a time.” I nodded and he smiled again. He swept me off my feet and into his arms. Then we were in his office and I was on my feet again. 

Thankfully his arms never left my waist. The room spun, but it was exactly like I remembered it. “I’m going to have to get used to that again…” He laughed and let me pull him in the direction of the bed. 

The second I was close enough I collapsed into it. Carlisle laid down next to me. I curled myself around him. “I really missed this.” I said, but it was pretty muffled by his chest.

“The bed was here the whole time.”

I leaned up to kiss him quickly and he met me halfway. “But you weren’t” Another quick kiss. “So it doesn’t count.”

I cuddled close to him and he buried his face in the crook of my neck. I felt how heavy my eyelids were, but I didn’t want to sleep. I didn’t want to miss anymore of him.

“Rest, Mon Coeur.”

I shook my head and he looked up to meet my gaze. I knew he’d still be here when I woke up. He’d be here and we’d take it day by day. But I wasn’t giving in just yet. I kissed him again and we kissed until I could no longer keep my head up. 

I laid my head on his chest. He brushed my hair with his fingers.

And for the first time since Bella’s birthday, I really slept.

I slept in much later than I usually could, and he was still there when I woke up. I soaked up some of the sunshine pouring in from the windows. I didn’t want to move and disturb the peace. I was laying on my side facing him, and he held my hand in the middle of the bed. 

It felt like the best kind of deja vu.

“Good morning, Beautiful.”

“G’morning, love” I reached up and touched his face. “I’m really glad you’re real.”

He laughed softly. “This is very real.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead but then he winced. Which is never a good thing. “Sadly, so are the messages from your Father.”

I sighed heavily and buried my face into the pillows. I still opened my hand and he gave me my phone. I only had 3 messages and 2 missed calls. Which was better than last time. The messages were angry but not threatening. He wasn’t coming after me.

As an adult, I made the choice to lock my phone without answering him. He’d get over it. I looked back at Carlisle, who had his eyebrows raised in suspicion. 

I shrugged, “He’s being a baby. He’ll be fine.” His expression didn’t change but he started to laugh. “He’s not going to come here. It’s fine.” I swore.

“Okay, okay.” He put up hand and let his face soften. “I trust your judgment.”

“You should.” I laughed and he pressed his lips to mine briefly.

He pulled back and grinned, “I made coffee.”

I gasped “Really?!” He sat up and I followed him. He grabbed the mug from the bedside table. “All is forgiven.” 

He threw his head back as he laughed. “If I’d known it was that easy-”

“Okay! Maybe not everything. But it’s definitely a step in the right direction.” I took a drink of the coffee and it was perfect, just the way I liked it. My heart skipped a beat.

He smiled at me and took my free hand. “I have to ask…” His free hand traced the fading words on my arm. “What are these?”

I felt how red my face got. “Well, I found it really hard to write while you were gone. And I started writing poetry, because my dad called me out on not writing. And I went to a poetry workshop because he said I don’t get out enough. Which was fair. I left the house like ten whole times for the first few months.” He winched. “That’s not the point. Anyway, I didn’t learn anything and all I picked up was writing little things you see on your arm so you can then turn it into poetry…” I rambled but I think he understood the gist of it.

“When do I get to read this poetry of yours?” He smirked.

“Never. When I’m dead? It’s bad, like really bad. And sad. And existential because you were gone… I don’t want it to hurt you.” I tried.

His smile softened and he touched my face. “I still want to read it at some point, but we’ll take it day by day.”

I nodded, “It’s not really up for debate, but maybe I could be convinced….”

“You’ll find, I can be very persuasive.” He winked at me and I melted.

I barely had enough time to set the cup back on the table before I crashed my lips into his.

~~

I cringed when I got home and Dad was still there. I had tried to wait long enough for him to have left for work. When I walked into the house I could hear him angrily doing the dishes. He didn’t even turn when I walked in. 

At least he was wearing his uniform. He had to leave soon.

“Bella’s in the shower.” He pulled the plug from the sink and let the water drain; Somehow even that seemed angry. “I just got done talking to her for the first time in days. Or I guess I should say, I tried to talk to her but she just lectured me. ”

“Well-” I tried

“You know, like I wasn’t here every damn day while she suffered. And I’m now supposed to accept that they’re back and that everything is okay.”

“It’s not-”

“Even you are just welcoming them back. After they hurt Bella like that. I just don’t understand how you can pretend nothing happened. It’s like no one cares how Bella-”

That did it. “Oh It’s very clear how much you care about how Bella feels, Dad.” I couldn’t fight back the tears, but the anger in my voice made him finally look at me. “I got hurt too… You’ve spent this whole time worried about Bella and you’ve hardly asked about me at all.”

“Y/n-”

“No,” I cut him off. I really was crying at that point. “Of course I worry about Bella. I hated how much she hurt-”

“They did that to her!” He almost shouted.

I stood my ground. “Carlisle got a job!” It was easy to lie for them now that they were back. “That happens. And he took his kids because what other choice did he have, Dad? They- fuck… They did what they thought was right and they came back when they realized it wasn’t.

“Did they go about it the wrong way? Absolutely. Did it tear Bella and me apart for literal months? Yup, sure did. But they aren’t criminals. They couldn’t have known how hard Bella took it.” My voice started to shake. I wanted to curl up and sleep. “How could they have known how dramatic Bella would be?”

“They should have tried to call or something, instead of just abandoning her.” I let out a humorless laugh and he added, “and you, Y/n. I know this is about you too. I saw how bad you were hurting too. Which is honestly why I’m so surprised you’re just pretending nothing happened.”

“Oh my god! No one is doing that. Carlisle is very aware of how I feel about the situation. Edward is riddled with guilt over all of it.” I sighed really trying to not be mad; He was making it very hard.

“Well I’m not going to sit by and let them hurt you again.”

I wanted to scream but I held back and mumbled, “It’s like I’m talking to a brick wall… Look, Dad, you can be angry and treat us like children if it helps you, but I see through it.”

I’d never spoken to him like this before, but he needed to hear it. I took a deep breath, let my voice soften, and looked him in the eyes. “I know you’ve been in our shoes before and I saw how hard it was on you. I can’t imagine what it’s like to experience that and then have to watch both of your daughters go through the same thing. 

“But I know that the anger and the yelling is just you projecting. Bella and I are not pretending nothing happened. Carlisle and Edward are not pretending nothing happened.” His face softened, I thought I’d gotten through to him; at least a little. “Dad-”

“No you’re right. You’re an adult. Bella is… 18.” He put his hands in his pockets. “I don’t want to watch them hurt you again, but I’m the one in the wrong…”

I think he expected me to disagree, but I just sighed and looked at my feet. “They aren’t going to hurt us again.”

“Sure, Sure”

“You can be mad if you want…”

“Oh, I’m gonna be.”

I laughed. “Okay, Dad.” I tried to smile at him. I nudged his foot with mine and he almost cracked a smile. “You trust me, right?”

“Of course I trust you , it’s them I dont trust.”

“Psht!” I waved a dismissive hand “Who cares about trusting them.” He actually did smile a tiny bit. “Just trust me.”

“I do.”

“Great!” I threw my arms around him and whispered, “I can protect Bella too.”

He sighed and hugged me back. After all the yelling, this hug lifted a weight off my shoulders. “I know.” He leaned back to look at my face while holding my shoulders. “You don’t have to do it alone.”

“I know.” I repeated his words back to him. “Neither do you. Or Bella. We have each other. Even if everyone else leaves…”

“We’ll always have each other.” He hugged me tighter this time resting his chin on my head. “When did you get so mature?”

“I’ve always taken after you.”

He laughed and pulled away. “I’ve got to work. Try to not let Bella jump on a plane to Texas while I’m gone.”

“Oh Texas? No promises. I’ve heard Texas is great this time of year.”

He tried to look annoyed with my sarcasm, but he loved it.

We said our goodbyes and he went to leave. He opened the door and turned and for a split second he looked like he was going to say something more, apologize maybe, but he shook his head softly and left for work. 

He wouldn’t let this go anytime soon.

I decided I wouldn’t let it bother me.

Epilogue <3

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