#// i realised the other day i write far too much sadness into mo but like.... what can ya do

[autotomise]

𝑺𝑷𝑶𝑶𝑲𝒀 𝑴𝑼𝑺𝑬 𝑨𝑬𝑺𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑻𝑰𝑪𝑺.

bloodied knuckles  ･ tear stained cheeks  ･  rust  ･ a busted lip ･ claws  ･  fangs  ･ a bloody nose ･  chattering teeth  ･  a dark space underneath the bed ･ scratching noises on a wall ･creaking metal ･  fog ･ dancing under moonlight ･ blood dripping lips ･heavy breathing in the dark  ･ a feeling of unexplained dread ･ a figure in a dark corner･   dirty peeling wallpaper  ･   a bloody handprint on the wall ･ sobbing in the dark ･  bite marks on the skin ･ eerie whispers ･ a hood covering a stranger’s eyes ･  the growl of a hidden animal ･  the sound of a blade being sharpened ･ a deep, dark forest ･  walking on the streets alone at night ･  a cobweb-filled, abandoned building ･ eyes darting in paranoia ･  a heavy beating pulse ･ the feeling of being trapped ･  struggling to get out a scream ･  boards covering broken windows ･ a quiet graveyard ･  a gas station in the middle of nowhere ･ a road that never ends ･heavy fog rolling in ･ the scent of blood in the air ･  eerie old photographs  ･ walking along traintracks at night ･  a chill going up the spine ･ gathering crows ･  a dusty, dimly lit study  ･  mist over a deserted cobblestone street ･  ghost towns･ shadows around a campfire  ･ the sound of chanting ･ church bells tolling ･ an orange harvest moon  ･  a broken down carnival ･  a dirty stuffed animal abandoned  ･  wiping bloody hands on fabric ･ nightmares ･ waking up in a panic ･ a power outage  ･heavy lightning storms ･  a secret trap door ･ the feeling of being watched ･ fear from trauma ･  a ouija board set out on a table  ･  an eerie doll ･ a scream of anguish & pain ･withered plants ･ a room that’s been forgotten & gathered dust ･  owl eyes in the dark ･ curled, dead tree branches ･  a ritual altar  ･ flickering candles ･ a lantern held up in the dark ･ fear of being followed ･ creaking floorboards ･ repressed, horrible memories ･ clenched teeth ･  soft, echoing piano keys  ･ an old book covered in dust ･  many pairs of glaring eyes  ･  stumbling in pitch black darkness  ･ being stranded in the middle of nowhere ･ tarot cards on a table  ･ a trail of blood

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚.  i done thiefed it from @gnzma

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈. @hcneybug @reconseaweed @deepsea-guardian and you, if you’re reading this!

[thetransguard-archive]

couldnt find the promt posts but: joenicky monster/supernatural au? i absolutely adore ur writing btw💕

you cannot hand me the word supernatural and not expect me to think of buzzfeed unsolved RGEHFBRWFHKJL im sorry this turned into a ghost hunter’s au i just don’t know how to write vampires or werewolves or whatever else constitutes supernatural

nicky does not believe in ghosts.

so why is he standing in front of a long-abandoned house, carrying several hundred dollars worth of largely useless equipment, wearing a shirt emblazoned with a big cartoon ghost? he tells himself it’s a favour being returned. his room mate, lykon, is endlessly more enthusiastic then he is, mumbling to himself as he fiddles with the camera that was paid with money that probably should’ve gone to rent.

“don’t look so worried nicky,” lykon says, as they step inside the threshold. his best friend flashes him a wide grin which is immediately contradicted by the alarming creak of the floorboard under his foot. “we’ve got holy water and everything else. we’ll just check to see if there are any ghoulies in here, they can’t hurt us.”

“you know i think this is a load of horseshit. i’m more worried about the house collapsing on our heads.”

“don’t be dramatic, dude. it’s in perfectly good shape.”

as they start setting up lights, laying out their sleeping bags for preparation of sleeping the night in this place, nicky is forced to admit there’s a sort of melancholy beauty to the place. it would have been a very nice house, once, not too ostentatious like the other houses they’ve “investigated”, with high ceilings and large windows, and stunning art covering the walls. landscapes, bowls of fruit, studies of fire and light and the night sky. but not a single person. nicky notices the same sprawling signature on all of the art, and steps closer to see if he can make out a name-

“nicky! let’s start recording.”

lykon begins unrolling the backstory of this house and the ghost allegedly haunting it, and nicky interjects throughout, punctuating the otherwise dead serious narrative with bursts of skepticism and humour, the way they’ve always done. lykon’s little ghost hunting channel is small now but getting bigger every day, and nicky can’t say he doesn’t enjoy it, verbally sparring with his best friend. lykon’s a believer and nicky isn’t, and while they’ll argue fiercely on camera they agree in pretty much every way off screen. apparently this house used to be home to an artist who’d been slowly making his way up in the art world before being murdered mysteriously. with no convictions, the story went that people were compelled to stay away from the house, wouldn’t be able to write without doodling, and smell fresh paint. also the standard doors opening and closing on their own, lights turning on and off, footsteps and the like. nicky was not exactly enthused to spend a night on the dusty floor, but hey. it beat sitting on the couch watching reruns of the same bland reality tv shows.

nicky’s halfway through a longwinded joke when lykon jolts like he’s been zapped, hand gripping nicky’s forearm, eyes darting around in sudden fear.

“what? dude, let go.” he elbows lykon in the ribs gently to get his attention back. “hello? what happened.”

“swear i heard a laugh, from upstairs, maybe,” he replies, face furrowed in concentration. he flashes a smile at the camera. “alright, i think we got all the background done. lets investigate.”

predictably, they find nothing. well, nothing of worth to nicky, but lykon insists that the room that used to be the studio feels colder then the rest of the house, they hear noises from inside the room once they leave it, and the spirit box spits up a few noises that lykon insists are words. a pretty standard investigation, then. they pack up their stuff and tuck in for the night. lykon spends half of it jumping at every little noise, but eventually drifts off as the exhaustion of the drive here finally gets to him. nicky turns over in his sleeping bag, hoping to salvage at least a few hours of rest from the night, but-

is that paint?

nicky breathes in as hard as he can, and it’s unmistakeable, that scent of chemicals that reminds him very vividly of the disaster that was year seven art class. he sits up, rubs his eyes. lykon doesn’t stir and nicky sniffs again. it’s still clear and strong, and now that his ear isnt pressed against the pillow, he can hear faint clattering, like the lid of a paint tin being wedged off. it’s coming from upstairs, where the artist’s studio would be, if he had to guess.

oh, fuck. 

there’s a perfectly rational explanation for this, he reasons to himself, even as he crawls out of the sleeping bag to cram on some shoes and get a torch and a camera. he should probably wake up lykon, but something inside him is telling him, wait, to just see for himself first. maybe we disturbed the paint when we were in there earlier. an old house like this, it’s probably just settling. hell, there’s probably raccoons in the roof, or something. ghosts aren’t real.

the studio is... not how they had left it. it had been such a sad space, everything covered up in white sheets, shelves of paints covered in dust. now, the room is strangely warm, like the summer sun had spent a few hours streaming in through windows that were now uncovered, the night visible through dusty panes of glasses. there is an easel set up, with an empty, clean canvas about the size of a dinner table on it. and on the floor, a thin, fine paintbrush rocks back and forth, like it had just been dropped.

this was entirely too much weirdness for nicky’s brain to handle, but he wasn’t giving up on his hard line stance on ghosts just yet. strangely enough, he doesn’t really feel afraid at all. 

“if this is a prank,” he says, deliberately loud in the empty room, as he bends to pick up the paintbrush. the tip of it is still wet, and the paint looks black on his fingertips. “if this is a joke, lykon, i swear-”

hi, nicky.

the words appear abruptly on the canvas, a rushed hand like whoever’s writing isn’t sure if they can keep it going. nicky almost drops the paintbrush he’s holding, but steps closer. the paint is still wet on the canvas, and it’s the same dark shade as the stuff on the brush. he shines his torch at it. it’s a very dark blue, not a black like he’d first assumed, the colour of a twilight sea.

“what the fuck,” he mumbles to himself, touching the canvas. it’s just fabric on wood. what the fuck.

did i scare you? i didn’t want to do that. 

"i’m not scared,” he says, feeling oddly giddy. “this is a very strange dream.”

i promise it’s not a dream. tah-dah! ghosts are real. i am one of them.

as whoever it is writes, they doodle around their letters with incredible skill, little birds and flowers and suns circling their words. it’s strangely endearing. the paint smell gets stronger and nicky finds that he does not mind.

“what’s your name?” he asks, remembering that he is technically a ghost investigator and he should probably be doing some investigation. his phone is left forgotten in his pocket, though. he doesn’t know if he should be recording this or not.

joe, joseph, but it’s yusuf, really. the art world of my time was not quite ready for a name like mine, but i suppose it doesn’t matter anymore.

“you’re the artist, then.”

who else would i be? as far as i can tell i am the first, last and only death of this house.

“you were murdered.”

yes, but can we not talk about that? it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

the last full stop of yusuf’s sentence is darker then normal, like he’s pressed harder. nicky touches a finger to the canvas.

“i’m sorry. i won’t bring it up again.”

thank you.

nicky takes a step back, the room is lightening around him. he hadn’t realised it earlier, but the windows of this room all face east, which is why he supposes yusuf chose it to be his studio. on some level, a part of him is wondering why he isn’t screaming and running to get lykon right now. he really isn’t afraid, though. yusuf hasn’t meant him any harm.

“why did you choose to talk to me? we were up here earlier.”

it’s harder when more alive people are in my room. you take up so much energy. the handwriting pauses, like yusuf is considering. and most people are so afraid. i’ve tried talking to others before, but they get so scared. you didn’t seem frightened at all.

“that’s because i didn’t believe in any of this stuff.” nicky presses a finger to yusuf’s words, just to check. his finger comes away dark blue. “part of me still think i’m dreaming, though.”

well, you can’t see reflections in dreams, i’ve heard. there’s a mirror behind you.

nicky turns to see a sheet drop off a large standing mirror in an ornate frame, and sure enough, he can see his face, a pale shape in the darkness of the room. he steps closer, and skids a finger over the glass, leaving a smear of paint behind. not a dream, then.

he feels a gust of air, warm, behind him and he turns. nothing but the canvas. when he turns back, that’s when he sees him.

he’s about the same height and build of nicky, standing just behind him and to the side. handsome, a full beard and a rueful smile and curls, and eyes that are the kindest nicky has ever seen. and the most startling thing- he is opaque. his head and shoulders are more or less solid, but his torso peters out into nothing at all.

“ghosts are real,” he says, to the spectre in the mirror, dumbfounded, and yusuf’s half-smile widens to a proper grin. he does a little wave in the mirror and something in nicky’s chest swells. he smiles back.

“your friend downstairs is waking up.” a breath, barely a whisper in his ear. and sure enough, noises from below. he can almost hear the sound of his name.

“i won’t tell him about you, if you don’t want me to,” he says, and yusuf shrugs, flickering.

“i don’t mind, but i'd rather you not. the more people come in here, the harder it is to... exist.” 

nicky can hear footsteps on the stairs now, and he blurts out, quickly, before this bizarre moment is over, before he is thrust back into the mundane of his normal life. “we’re leaving now. can i come back, sometime?” and the thing is, he really wants to, wants to know this strange, sad ghost with messy handwriting and beautiful art, and kind, kind eyes. he has so many questions. what’s it like, being a ghost? are you lonely in this house? and, why do you not have any paintings of people? yusuf meets his eyes in the mirror and smiles again.

“i’d like that.”

“nicky!” the door opens and nicky blinks, his hands dropping to his sides. lykon sweeps his gaze around the room looks at him with a raised eyebrow. the canvas, nicky is stunned to realise, is now as clean and blank as when he’d walked in.

“c’mon man, you know we’re not allowed to mess with this stuff.” lykon steps forwards and plucks the paintbrush out of his hand, the tip still wet with paint, and sets it on the easel. “you said it yourself, nothing in here now. we’ve gotta get going.”

“sì, of course. i was just... looking around. it’s a beautiful room.”

his room mate just gives him a look. “uh okay. whatever, man. let’s go.”

before nicky leaves, he picks the paintbrush back up again, tucks it into his pocket. says to the empty room, slowly filling with light and colour from the rising sun, “i’ll be back, yusuf, i promise.”

the faint ghost of laughter as he walks out feels, somehow, right.

[pregnant-javert]

fic writer review!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

2. What's your grand total ao3 word count?

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

4. What is the first fandom you ever wrote for?

5. Is there a fandom you would like to write for but haven't yet?

6. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

7. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

8. Which of your fics has the angstiest ending?

9. Are any of your fics pure fluff?

10. Have any of your fics ended differently than you originally planned?

11. Do you write AUs?

12. Do you ever write smut?

13. Do you usually try to stick to canon?

14. What are your favorite tropes to utilize in your writing?

15. Have you ever received hateful comments on a fic?

16. What is the nicest comment you've received?

17. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

18. Have you ever co-written a fic?

19. What is your all-time favorite ship to write for?

20. Is there a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

21. What are your writing strengths?

22. What are your writing weaknesses?

23. Are there any of your early fics that you wish you could go back and change?

24. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

25. What is your favorite fic that you've written so far?

**Tag another writer if you want!**

I'm putting the answers under a cut because it is very long. :P

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

143 works, with three drafts O.o

2. What's your grand total ao3 word count?

295,376

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

Ten fandoms (Game of Thrones, Deadpool, Jurassic World, Anne with an E, Star Wars, Extraordinary You, The 100, Kakegurui, The Haunting of Bly Manor, and Snowpiercer)

4. What is the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Game of Thrones, in November 2018 :P

5. Is there a fandom you would like to write for but haven't yet?

I toyed with the idea of writing for Shadow and Bone a few months ago but never really went anywhere with it. (As much as I love the Darkling, lmao.)

6. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

when i need someone, it's always you and you are mine, i am yours (Kakegurui) are the top two at 338 and 221. People are still kudosing them for some reason. Then all three of my Daenerys/Sansa fics take the third, fourth and fifth spots :P

7. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

Yes, I respond to every comment I get. If people are gonna make an effort to comment, I want to reciprocate that since they're doing it to be nice :)

8. Which of your fics has the angstiest ending?

What defines angst? I guess it could be yoake OR dassen, because both Melanie and Alex die in those fics.

9. Are any of your fics pure fluff?

I'm not a huge fluff person, but I'd have to say the Melanie/Audrey/Alex christmas fic :P

10. Have any of your fics ended differently than you originally planned?

With ferrous liquid, I originally thought I wanted Zarah to leave Audrey completely as she was too resentful of Audrey's emotional burden. Then I realised that it was just too sad!! So they get back together.

11. Do you write AUs?

Only if it's canon divergence. I don't really enjoy writing college AUs or anything like that.

12. Do you ever write smut?

Yes. All the time. Used to hate writing smut, love it now.

13. Do you usually try to stick to canon?

Yes and no. Depends on the canon events. Most of the ships don't occur in canon anyway so it's difficult to stick to it :P

14. What are your favorite tropes to utilize in your writing?

Angst, hurt/comfort, violence. Anything that makes you feel sad :)

15. Have you ever received hateful comments on a fic?

Yes, very early on. Haven't gotten any in years but when I did, I just deleted them immediately. Who cares :P

16. What is the nicest comment you've received?

This comment from @olivish on humanity:

This is beautiful. I love it. The 'Of Mice and Men' reference is so on-point. I never gave Bob much thought, but you've really made him into a person in this fic, like, even as Bob himself is observing his own lack of humanity, the reader feels exactly the opposite. Like, the fact that he is still motivated by kindness is something of a miracle, isn't it? Also Wilford's MO of keeping his victims isolated from one another shines so clearly here. He's trained Bob not to interact with others. The deformities on his face and the sheer size of him go a long way to accomplishing this goal. Audrey is different, she's a person magnet, so the way to isolate her is to make others loathe her through envy. But that doesn't work on Bob, whose status on the train is assured and what he longs for most in the world is human connection. The more I think about it the more compelling it gets. Just wonderful work with a character I never paid much attention to.

17. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not entirely, but there have been some portions of other peoples' fics that look very similar to what I have written O.O

18. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, but I hope to one day ahahaha

19. What is your all-time favorite ship to write for?

Well Melaudrey is up there because of the Memories™️ but honestly? Audrey/Zarah. There's so many aspects to their relationship in canon that are just so fun to explore :))))

20. Is there a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I'm trying to get through it, but probably mel and allie steal a train. I got some weird comments on it when the first chapter came out and it just tanked my motivation HARD (and they were pretty nitpicky comments, to be honest) Found it extremely difficult to keep going, even with an outline and a solid idea of where I wanted the story to go. Not to be self-pitying, but I was looking forward to writing it too :( I might continue with it, but it'll take months. Maybe during summer when I have more time to think about it?

21. What are your writing strengths?

I guess that I can get into the heads of the characters really well? I love doing this. I love dark and psychological fics where I can pick their brains apart O.o I'm also good at writing emotionally. So there's that.

22. What are your writing weaknesses?

I tend to over-rely on dialogue, and I REALLY struggle with just...not writing dialogue. I can't explain why, but I need the characters to talk so I can move the story forwards. :P I also struggle to end fics well. Suzanne Collins syndrome lmao

23. Are there any of your early fics that you wish you could go back and change?

As silly as this sounds, I wish I could go back and change certain aspects of tsukamu, the pregnant!Melanie crackfic. It's quite rushed in places and some of the timelines don't make sense (if it was Ben's kid, and she was in the research station for a month, there's no way Wilford could have imprisoned Melanie for nine months). Alas, I already published it in a book, so I can't change it now.

24. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

Ehhh it seems a bit iffy, have never done it before but like...I assume this means if a character is speaking in another language that the POV character doesn't understand? If so I'd just say '[character] said something in [language]' and leave it at that.

25. What is your favorite fic that you've written so far?

ownership. It's dark, it's angsty, there's medical stuff and also some comfort there as well. Chef's kiss :))

[akashicmuses]

@shibuyacrossed​ asked:

i was too tired to send u the portrayal thing yesterday but <3 i love all of ur muses always! ur so good at making them so. unique. i will never forget ur kh [redacted] blog and how FUCKING SAD AND IN DEPTH U WENT W THIS THING THAT LIKE. WAS GIVEN VERY LITTLE ACTUAL EXPLANATION IN CANON!!! IT WAS SO EPIC! and im sooooo glad to see u back with ur megs and beat i missed them so much u have no idea!!! u were the first person i ever met who rp'd megumi and i think i only like him bc of u. i would have realised he was epic eventually but literally when i first met u i was something insane like 17 or smth jfc. and ur shiba is so fantastic so far i can see ur putting just as much love and attention into writing him as u always have with ur other muses. and genuinely people who can handle multimuse blogs never cease to fascinate me. the ability to switch between completely different characters like that on a day to day basis and switching FLAWLESSLY without getting character traits or writing styles confused/muddled is incredible and something i find very very difficult to do myself

MO RT Y.....

YOU’RE SO SSWEET AAAAAAA

every time you do this i want to bring my kh josh back but i have TOO MANY MUSES ALREADY HISSSS

[findaboatandsailinit]

44

Oh jeez @looselucy, that title makes me anxious already. Like the after the storm might be way worse than the actual storm itself ever could’ve been. Meeeh!

Before I start the shouting for obvious reasons, can I say how much it mended my ever broken TFA heart to have a chapter start with the two of them waking up in one another arms again? Eeeeekkkk! I JUST LOVE THEM SOO SO MUCH MY BABIES!

NOW…

HE SLEPT THOUGH THE NIGHT??!!!! HARRY FUCKING SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!! AAAHAHAAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSS!!! I had an inkling that something was too calm, so I literally read the second paragraph five times until it HIT ME WHY IT FELT WEIRD! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! It’s probably also worth mentioning that I was sat on a crowded train trying my hardest not to scream at the top of my lungs!

"“I didn’t have the dream.” A spluttered smile stretched his lips, tears rolling down his cheeks. “I didn’t see the room.”” OH H BABY! I was bawling at this point… sweet and soft Harry finally gets what he deserves! All is right in the world! For now…

““OH MY FUCKING GOD HARRY YOU SLEPT THROUGH!” I squealed excitedly, throwing my arms into the air for a brief moment before my hands slapped against my mouth. “Oh my god I’m yelling. I’m sorry.” “I FUCKING SLEPT THROUGH, REN! WHAT THE FUCK?”” Hahahaaa, this is so fitting for you and TFA! EVERYONE CONSTANTLY SHOUTING AT YOU AND SIMULTANEOUSLY APOLOGISING FOR IT WHILST YOU GO “ITS OK I LIVE FOR THE SCREAMS AND THIS IS DEFINITELY A YELLING KINDA SITUATION” HAHAHAAAA!

“Those golden eyes fuck me up.” He swallowed. “Every single time.” NO LUCY NO NO NOOO! YOU DON’T GET TO DO THIS TO ME AND MY HEART! NO JUST NO! And the whole scene before that… are you EFFING kidding me? I’m not ok! NOT FUNNY!

““Use it as a drive. This could be a good thing if you let it be.” I tried to encourage. “Take this as your chance to do exactly what you want to do, and stomp out the things you don’t like in your life. Change everything at once, and start afresh.”” Their support for each other is genuinely my lifeline! I’m just so scared she might be shooting herself in the foot here. Not to say he wants to get rid of her, cause we all know that’s the last thing he would ever want, but still… as freeing as this feels for Harry, I feel bloody anxious for Ren. Call me a pessimist! Or I have been a reader of yours for too long and learned to not trust the bloody calm AFTER the storm! Duh!

“I wanted to begin this next stage of my life with a really positive outlook, the only thing that felt strange was the fact that I knew that Harry wasn’t going to be a part of it.” Aaaaand here we go… I knew it was happening and coming and stuff. But reading those words in cold print in utterly devastating! Despite all the pain you’ve put my heart through with that whole paragraph, can I just say how immensely proud I am of Ren. I mean… look at her realising shit and reflecting on her actions. Honestly, when DID she get so wise? Incredible, woman… incredible!

“[…] and it was strange, because I didn’t want him out of my life, but I was happy for him, that I would be out of his.” Oh no Ren babe, no! You’ve come so far, you should know better my love!!!! Also, I love how H still constantly tells her off whenever she puts herself down. Him saying “Hey, don’t do that.” might be one of my favourite things. He never gets bored of telling her how amazing she is… whatever the situation or scenery.

Having said that, I don’t think I will ever get over how much pain poor Ran has inflicted upon not only Harry, but also herself. Both of them, god damn it! I don’t wanna say unnecessary pain, but HELL UNNECESSARY PAIN IT IS! “There had been times since we broke up where I’d stirred in the middle of the night in a state of panic, feeling like he was there with me, terror outlining every inch of his body, but then I’d see I was alone on the sofas in Mo’s flat, and I’d picture him alone, and it killed me. There was no one there to wake him up, and no one there to comfort him, no one to remind him of his reality.” It’s probably for the best they’ve gotten one time apart to deal with their issues separately but still… my heart struggles to cope! On a daily basis with these two!

WHEN HE FIRST ATTEMPTED TO GIVE HER BACK THE NECKLESS I WAS ABOUT TO KICK UP A FUSS BUT THEN… ““It served its purpose.” He nodded, reaching slowly to place it around my neck, and I shivered when his skin met mine. “It made me feel strong, and now I want to give that strength back to you. I think you need it.” […] “You’re… one of the strongest people I know.”” I JUST CRIED FOR AGES AND IT STILL ALL FELT SO FINAL WHICH MADE ME CRY EVEN MORE!

“When he looked at me like that, colours and feelings and touches were so vivid, that I felt everything else wash away. When he touched me, even in the most innocent way, I found the rest of my life falling apart, and it was just us.” Well FUCK YOU Lucy! I DID NOT NEED THAT!

““Well, you’re worth it.” He replied, and for the first time, I believed fully, that he was telling the truth.” HALLELUJAAAAH! But too late?

That last scene… I… have… no… words! I just reread to try and review adequately… but, words fail me. I’m still as SHOOKETH and turned on and again SHOOKETH and then sad as the first time I read it and it still shatters my heart into a million teeny tiny pieces. Their desire for one another is KILLING! Like, their every pore screams love, and life is just fucking cruel sometimes. I thought she was seeing sense for a millisecond and then her need to protect him at all cost kicked back in. On the one hand I get why she did what she did and kept the injuries to herself. On the other hand, I feel like they are beyond that, and all about being honest with each other. They are both selfless to an extend I don’t think is healthy. Well maybe not selfless as such, but selfless when it comes to the other. THE PAIN LUCY THE PAIN! I JUST WANNA WRAP THEM UP IN A COSY BLANKET OF LOVE AND LET THEM HAVE THEIR HAPPY END! PLEEAAASE!!!! I NEED IT, REN NEEDS IT, HARRY NEEDS IT, WE ALL NEED IT!

Well… I could’ve honestly commented on every sentence in this chapter. Their interactions and conversations, as mundane as they might be (which they never are these day, let’s be real), is the stuff I thrive on. Your skill to master dialogue blows me away every single damn time. I know you work bloody extra hard on it too, but blimey is it worth it! Never does it feel fake or staged or anything but intuitive and natural. Like genuinely listening in on peoples conversations. Which I think is probably key to why your stories carry so much emotion. Ok, no… the rest of your writing is no less essential to that, but you get what I mean.

I LOVE YOU AND MY HEART IS ACHING!!

All my love to you, as always! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 12: “Phase One: Get the Grandma’s Boys Back Together” - Jones

I have thoughts.

1 I still feel bad for telling Tom to fuck off but also,,,,, I don’t ???

2 I hate that I’m the one who has to apologize to *****these men***** when they were the ones who apparently threw me under the bus in the first place

3 I miss Julia

Ok I don’t feel like doing the number thing anymore that shits dumb.

Um if Mitch is gonna let an alliance slide through the cracks again he’s not playing hard like he said, he’s just playing dumb and out of fear. Benj is probs gonna do whatever Mitch says tho so maybe it’d be better sooner or later to get one of them out before we split up the Jason/Tom/Ali trio

Speaking OF,, Julia went out saying that that trio is the biggest threat to win, but that’s only true about like,,, only Ali SKSKKDKF to me it’s kinda clear that Jason and Tom are Ali’s goats and they’re gonna be the easiest to beat for him in a F3/2 situation. Ali is by far the biggest threat to win and probably has been since Alex got voted out. Bc who doesn’t love Ali yk??? It’s gonna be hard to get him out but I feel like at least my 100% people (Caeleb and Mo as of this vote) would be down to vote him if he was the biggest threat.

Um also ??? These guys REALLY think Alex left with the durmitor idol???? Which is SO shocking because I cannot keep a secret for my life and I’m so easy to read. But um that’s a plus for me tho so woohoo? I’m not gonna tell anyone else ab it tho Bc,,,, obviously. This cast is messy as fuck I don’t want anyone else that I DONT trust to know about it. So I’m happy that my little inner durmitor triangle are the only ones that know.

I think this is mostly me rambling at this point so i’m gonna sign off I think.

okay so I really did a crap job of confessing last round, so I have a lot of catch-up to do.

so first off, i think i already confessed about this, but i have TWO IDOLS NOW jklasdfaf, the budva idol and the merge sapphire idol. like assuming i play them right, i can fast track myself to F6 already, which is SO EXCITING.

also... last vote was such a mess. so after the last vote, where i was left out-ish, in that Jones/Caeleb/Benj told me what was happening, but don't know that each other told me. Me and Julia (who was truly left out) talked, and I was genuinely hoping to group up with her. Benj suggested a F4 of me/him/Tom/Julia last round, and I was SO DOWN. Like I've genuinely wanted to work with Julia all season, I should have told her about the Alex vote, but I've been with her this whole time, so its frustrating what happened next.

So... I'm on call and Mo/Mitch tell me to vote Julia, and I agree, knowing I'm lying because I'm in a chat with Jason/Julia/Tom where we are trying to vote off Mo or Jones. But then Mo being shady, and I literally told Julia this to, tells Julia that everyone is voting her out, and Jones says Tom is who threw Julia's name out.

Julia. Goes. Nuclear. She goes on call, outs the alliance, says we are all shady and tries to blow up our games. I'm REALLY frustrated that she did that, because Mo/Mitch were literally voting her and we were stopping it, but she let them mist her. Also... I didn't want to vote Tom or Julia, they are both outsiders, as am I, and we needed each other. Tom/Julia were both not apart of the Jules vote, we just had a fight amongst the outsiders which... dumb.

Once Julia did that, I was sure Tom was gone, I was totally sure. But Tom managed to flip Mitch, which good for him. But I don't know how he did that, getting Mitch to vote with me, when Mitch has been paranoid about me above everyone else. But now... Mitch will likely be suspicious of me, Jones/Mo will know for sure that I'm targeting them, and I'm no closer to breaking up that group.

So now I'm confident I'll need to use the idol to fracture that group. A scenario I could see happening and working, is next round maybe Mitch/Jones/Mo/Benj and maybe Caeleb vote me, Tom/Jason vote Jones/Mo and I vote the other, which means my sapphire idol can both save myself and break up that group. I'll have to stay tuned on that one though.

This reward challenge flash game is very annoying, so I'm probably not gonna win. Considering how much I popped off for the last immunity, if I win two in a row, it might cause me problems. Hopefully the immunity challenge is do-able, because if I win that, I'm guaranteed a spot in FINAL SEVEN YAY.

I haven't done one of these in a while, but ideal bootlist moving forwards:

Jones > Mitch > Jason > Caeleb > Mo > F3: Me/Tom/Benj or F2: Me/Benj

And if I am voted out eighth, the order in which I would vote for people at FTC:

Mitch > Jason > Caeleb > Benj > Jones > Tom > Mo

also just wanna stay like... how much i stan jones? like we literally have not voted together pretty much at all across merge... but we stan?

she is just so much fun, like our game relationship... is fragile at best, but on a personal level I am and will remain a Jones WARRIOR.

Omg I no longer have the most votes cast for me cuz now Tom does. Even though 2 of Tom's votes are HIMSELF the bafoon.

I was not surprised to see Julia go last tribal. I of course did not vote for her, but her craziness kinda sealed her deal. Plus theres the curse within the curse of where someone who gets cursed initially also goes home (Alex, Jules, Julia). Lmao. But seriously, I voted Tom and he got really sad because we had a good thing going, but at the time no one was willing to be cemented on Julia, but Mo and Jones were cemented on Tom. So I went with the "confidence" and voted what I knew was more certain. However, Ali and Benj and Mitch all voted Julia. Ali and Benj are my closest allies so they let me know before tribal, but Mitch is a flip always been so. The two of them (Ali and Benj) are playing very well which makes me nervous. I either have to take control back in this game or start voting them off, even if that makes me a little cut throat. My other option is to let them vote off Mo next time (Benj's idea) and then have them drag me along and lose in FTC. Instead I think I'm going to get Mo, Jones, and Me to vote Mitch next round (taken he doesn't have immunity), with maybe Ali and maybe Tom but I think 4 might be enough. Then next round I work with Benj and Jason and Ali and Tom to vote out Mo. That puts me back in a strong position (I THINK BUT TRULY IM NERVOUS WITH ANY VOTE AND ALL VOTES IM JUST PRETENDING TO KNOW WHAT IM SAYING). I just hope Tom doesn't have it out for me after last time. That could make things hard, and I'll have to navigate trying to get Benj to wait to vote Mo and telling Jason, Benj, and Mitch a wrong vote.

I’m genuinely feeling confident in my score of 10 guesses, I don’t know what’s considered a good score but for me this is stunnin

Oh Jones, Caeleb and Benj tied for a score of 8? That’s cool... Happy for them... In all seriousness though I think Ali might of screwed himself over by doing the challenge drunk because this may very well be our lucky chance to get out a comp beast.

So... I didn't win immunity, which is a shame, but also probably good news, since if I won three challenges in a row, people would likely try and vote me at every opportunity.

I feel like I'm going to need to play one of my idols this round, which... is unfortunate, but also like kinda exciting? I think the ideal situation is that I play the sapphire idol, maybe in a way that since Tom/Jason have exposed votes, if Caeleb/Benj/Mitch/Jones/Mo vote me, and Tom/Jason vote one of Jones or Mo, I vote the other and send them home with one vote.

However, I'm not 100% sure I'll be getting votes, just since Caeleb and I are super close, so I don't see him super wanting to vote for me. I feel like if the plan was to vote Ali, Mitch would tell Benj, who would tell me, or Caeleb might not be down. Regardless, I'm very much expecting to have to pull out an idol tonight!

If I get my way tonight, I want Jones and Mo split up. As people, we love them both, but as players right now, they are too connected and have too much sway. If I got my way, I would want Jones out, since I think she is the glue between the Caeleb/Mo/Mitch, so would defo be worth getting out.

Just realised that if I play the sapphire idol, it gets rehidden which I do not want, so I might just have to play the budva idol if I'm getting votes tonight, which is frustrating but I'll have to deal with it sighhhh.

ding dong the witch is dead (ur welcome johnny)

confessing this because my brain is SO BIG, and I clocked this on call. Caeleb is the boyfriend of Matt who just won Kuwait. MY MIND IS SO POWERFUL

I've been meaning to write this all day but Tom fell asleep on call and I've been distracted the whole time. SO here we are

I'm also typing this out with Google whatever the f*** is Google voice??? So it might sound a bit robotic just bare with me here LOL.

but literally yesterday while I was doing the trash at work I was brainstorming probably one of my favorite moves I've ever and probably will ever accomplish ever?? I'm very excited about it, because it seems like it's going underway,,, like it might work?? and knowing my luck this shouldn't be happening but here we go,,

So phase one: get the Grandma's boys back together. So like,,, me Caeleb and Mo. we basically already trust each other with our entire hearts anyway and besides the Alex but we've stuck together on everything? So we might as well get the band back together you know what I mean? also they're probably the three people I trust the most and the three people that I really want to go to the end with for sure so that's how I'm feeling about that. Check that off the list.

Phase 2: get Mitch and Benj to possibly spill who the other side is voting for and or get them to vote for Tom or Jason. because quite frankly Benj and Mitch are a very obvious power duo and have floated through the middle the entire time and they've been together the entire game so it feels kind of obvious that they're working together. Plus benj told Mitch the plan about voting out Caeleb premerge, so it just feels like it's been a thing forever. call go to be honest thinking about it now, I feel is though we're going to figure out who Jason and Tom are voting for anyway because they do have to vote in advance? So as long as Benj and Mitch vote for who we tell them for, then phase 2 will be a success.

Phase 3: grandma's boys vote,,,,, ALI!!!!! sorry to say, Ali is by far the biggest threat in the game and probably has been for a long time? Not only is he amazing in challenges , but he has like one the best social games ?? Ever???? So no one would Want to vote out Ali, but it's like,,, the best move I think to do now . Esp bc he doesn't have immunity.

And then,,,,, optional step 4: play my idol. That way,,, we can guarantee that a tie scenario doesn't happen,, and then in the split Ali would theoretically go w 3, but if an idol is played either way on them, one of those two will go. SO YA HOPEFULLY THIS PLAN ACTUHLY WORKS HAHAHAHAHA

Update!!! So like I think im in an ok spot. I was the sole vote to send home Julia because I found her unpredictable and she voted me the round previously so.... This vote should be between tom and one of jones/mo/caeleb because they are an obvious trio and im pretty sure one of them has an idol. If there is an idol played and it is flushed, the trio of mo/caeleb/jones is broken up. If it isnt flushed, we intend to do a 3-3-2 with Benj Ali Tom Jason and I splitting between two of them. Id prefer if Jones stays because I feel like I have the best connection with her out of the three, but I also fear that they have gotten closer and closer ever since we have merged. We will find out what happens shortly because as of now, there is still no definitive plan

[tomtenadia]

Island Dreams - Chapter 4

Double feature tonight! Here's chapter 4 as well. Last night I was inspired and I did managed to write a few chapters.

As usual... some Gaelic for you:

A bheil Gàidhlig agad - Do you speak Gaelic? mo charaid - my friend

Some of Elias' words seem funny, but he speaks Scots as well. And he is so damn sexy while doing it.

All the locations I mentioned they are real. Rowan's bookstore it's the only fictional place.

Happy reading!

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Aelin woke up quite late the next morning. After her fight with Rowan she had spent the day at the marina and wondered around the town. She had felt empty and could not bring herself to do anything. She finally managed to speak with Lysandra and cried. She cried her heart out and her friend had listened. Like she always did. She had gotten home later in the afternoon and felt exhausted. She spent the rest of the afternoon in the living room reading her books. That brought her joy at least, although dreaded going back to shop to collect the last book. She could not face him. Not yet. But that morning she had woken with a renewed motivation. She had prepared breakfast for herself and admitted she missed Maeve’s apple turnovers but could not risk going back there at the moment. She had to put some distance. So she ate her own breakfast, prepared a couple of sandwiches and got her backpack ready for the next adventure. Today she was driving south toward Harris. She had learned that Lewis and Harris were one big islands but Lewis was the Northern part, full of moors and peat land. Harris, was the Southern part, much rockier and with some stunning beaches and a famous road called the Golden road. Ten minutes later she was in the car and ready to go. She set her sat nav and she left. Over an hour later the sat nav announced one last turn to her final destination: Luskentyre beach. She had a look at some photos online and she could not believe such a gorgeous place existed.

She parked the car and opened the door and got out. No internet image had prepared her for the view in front of her. The beach was massive, the stretch of sand never ending and the sand was so white that it almost hurt the eyes. And the sea. It was the purest green mixed with blue that she had ever seen in her life. She was speechless. For ten solid minutes she leaned against the open door of her car and observed the stretch of paradise in front of her, incapable of doing anything else. Trying to burn in her memories the colours. She would take pictures but doubted they would ever do any justice. Finally she moved and grabbed her backpack, locked the car and walked to the beach. Once she reached the sand she removed the shoes. No way she was going to walk on that sand with her shoes on. The sun was up and the sand was warm at the touch and she let the feeling sooth her. Around her there were a few people walking dogs and couples walking hand in hand. A pang of sadness hit her, and absentmindedly she touched the spot where her wedding band should have been hating herself straight after, for missing Chaol. He made his choice. She had given him his freedom. Tears threatened to appear once again but she fought them back and resumed her walk along the beach. She followed the beach and walked in the water ignoring that it was cold. She walked for hours then she decided to sit and eat her lunch. Her sandwich was gross compared to Maeve’s and in her packed there definitely was no chocolate cake. She sighed. A young man was walking his dog and she noticed the animal coming her way. The man called him a few times, but a moment later the dog was at her feet, his tongue lolling from his mouth and was staring at her sandwich. Aelin laughed and gave him a bit and he ate eagerly. “I wouldn’t do it if I were you. You might never get rid of him.” The man was now in front of her and was scratching the dog ears. “It’s fine I was done eating anyway.” And she gave the rest of her lunch to the dog. She lifted her eyes and stared at the man. He was wearing shorts and a navy blue polo shirt. His hair was black as the night and his eyes a light blue edging on grey. Her breath caught and she felt herself blushing. “You are not a local.” He said as a matter of fact. “That obvious?” “Your accent. Definitely not from here.” His smile left her breathless. He had dimples. On both sides. He was quite cute. “Where do you bide?” Aelin looked at the man puzzled “Bide?” “Aye, where do you stay?” Understanding dawned on her. The word must have a different meaning in Scots “I am staying in Stornoway.” “Bonnie place. I live in Callanish. Ye, ken?” Aelin was stuck again. Was he even speaking English? So far all the other people had done their best to speak English with her. “Sorry, bad habit. I didn’t mean to be rude. I meant if you know Callanish.” The man sat beside her on the sand while the dog was running free on the beach. “Yes I was there a couple of days ago. I went to the standing stones. Such a fascinating place.” “I have one of the smaller circles just outside ma hoose.” He confessed turning his head to her “There are actually few more different sites scattered around the area. The main one at the visit centre is Callanish I.” He explained, then he extended his hand “I am Elias by the way. I have been yapping non stop and forgot to introduce myself.” “Aelin,” she said taking his hand. “Aelin…” her name on his tongue sounded perfection “In Gaelic means bright or shining one.” “So, are you a tourist? Visiting friends? Family? Boyfriend?” Aelin giggled “Status uncertain at the moment.” She said, then looked at Elias and explained a bit further “Tourist at the moment, but things might change.” “So, where are ye fae?” She guessed his question and she hoped she got it right “London.” She replied. “Been there for work a few times. I am an engineer and I have been down there for a few conventions.” Aelin was too busy listening at his sexy accent to pay attention to what he was saying and she felt embarrassed when she had to ask to repeat his answer. “Nae worries. I said I am an engineer and I was in London a few times for work.” “Cool what type?” The guy was fascinating and seemed much more willing to chat that a certain grumpy one back in town. “Environmental. I am working with Calmac at the moment. That’s the company that runs the ferry you used to get here if you travelled by sea.” He explained while the dog came back and licked his fingers quite happily. “I am a doctor. I was…. Still am… it’s complicated.” She cut short and noticed the confusion in his face. “Long boring story.” “What type?” “Cardio thoracic surgeon.” He whistled “bad ass woman. Love it.” His grin reached his eyes and she felt heat spread inside her. Definitely more than cute. And those dimples… She was having a good time but she had to keep going, she still had a few things to do. “I am enjoying the conversation but I still have quite a lot to cover.” She stood and turned to him. The main smiled “Of course. Care for some suggestions?” Aelin nodded. “If you are driving south, right after Borve there is another lovely beach. Stop there as well. Not as famous as Luskentyre but amazing as well. Then continue all the way down to Rodel. It’s the village at the end of the road. There is a lovely church called St. Clements. Worth visiting. Once you are past Rodel make your way back via the Golden road. It’s a very narrow road but it’s a pleasure to drive if you want an Hebridean adventure. Once you are almost at the top before Tarbert, make sure you stop in Drinisiader. There is a fascinating wee museum about Harris Tweed. But just hide your purse. They have some amazing stuff and you might want to buy the entire shop. Then you are in Tarbert and from there it’s an easy drive back to Stornoway.” “Tapadh Leat.” She said and Elias gave her a huge grin in response. “A bheil Gàidhlig agad?” He asked and she realised she had to stop trying to use Gaelic. “I just know thank you and good morning.” She explained almost embarrassed. “That’s okay, lass. I am not a native speaker either. I learnt it later on in life. My parents don’t actively speak it, but my gran did. It was the only way I had to communicate with her. My parents were parts of the generation that grew being taught that speaking Gaelic was not proper, so they never did. My mum understands it because of course her mother was a speaker. But she used her dad to translate. It’s a very long complicated story.” He stopped and looked at her. “Looks like we both have a complicated story to tell each other.” Aelin’s stomach fluttered in excitement. He grabbed his wallet and removed a business card from it. “Sorry for being so direct, but you seem quite an interesting person. Call me or message me if you need a guide.” He held the card to her and Aelin debated for a moment whether to take it or not. Lysandra had told her to go to Scotland, enjoy herself and get a Scottish man in the process and forget her ex husband. She took the card “I’ll call you.” “Do it, mo charaid.” She smiled warmly, grabbed her backpack “It was nice meeting you, Elias.”

She was driving along the Golden road and she had to admit that the road was a real adventure. Large enough for a small car to pass, she had to constantly focus on the road to avoid ending in a ditch or in a loch beside the road. But no matter the stress, she was loving it. Until the sheep arrived. One moment she was alone on the road. The next moment she was surrounded by sheep. A massive flock stretched for some length along the road. She got off the car, she took a picture and sent it to Lysandra with the caption traffic jam in the Hebrides. A moment later the phone rang. “Are you kidding me?” “No Lys, I swear I am surrounded by sheep. They are everywhere and I can’t go anywhere. Guess someone will come and collect them soon.” She heard Lysandra laugh “Sounds like you are having a great time.” “I am.” she confessed not entirely convinced. The memory of the fight with Rowan still stung and she was wracking her brain to find a way to fix things with him. She was… intrigued by him. He was brooding, infuriating and handsome at the same time. Plus he was the owner of a bookstore which was not bad. She wanted to be his friend but it looked like he was not interested. He had made that abundantly clear. Nothing I want to give you. Tears threatened to appear once again but she fought, not willing to let sadness spoil such a lovely day. So she had decided to put some distance. She would go to get her book when it arrived and then limit her visits to his shop, for as much as it pained her. He didn’t want to have anything to do with her. Well, she was granting him his wish. “How is going with Aedion?” She changed the subject. “Well, we have only been on a date but he’s great.” “Already planning your wedding?” Aelin joked and Lysandra laughed in reply. “Nah, just imagining having sex with him for now.” “Eew. I didn’t need to know that” “Seriously… the man has amazing hands and I spent the evening thinking what he can do with them. And if all the other parts are just as big as the rest of the body…” “Eewww. Ewwww and eeeeew.” “Since when you are such a prude?” Aelin laughed she wasn’t but she had no interest in listening her best friend talk about her boyfriend’s body parts. “Get a move on finding a man of your own and then you can fantasise about his body parts.” For a brief moment Aelin’s mind thought about Rowan’s hands and… No, stop. She could not go there. That was dangerous territory. “We’ll see.” Was all that she added. “I need you to come back to me happy.” “What if…” she paused for a second “what if I am not coming back?” “What do you mean?” In the distance Aelin noticed a tractor and the sheep began moving again. “Sheep are moving. Gotta go back home.” “Ok. Keep me posted.” She say bye to Lys and she was positive she felt a note of sadness in her friend’s voice.

The sheep finally moved and she spent the journey home mulling over what she had said to Lys. She could not see herself going back to London. Something had broken inside her. Maybe it was her that was broken. With her skills and experience she could easily find another job in another hospital. So why the rejection from one place hurt so much? And Chaol… London was a very big place, the chances of her bumping into him on the streets were minimal. However, they had loads of friends in common. She would have to give up her friends to avoid him. Give up her gym, her favourite bookstore and cafe, because he was a regular in those places too. She would have to give up her life to avoid him and the pain that seeing again would bring. She had felt relieved after the divorce. She still had no regrets. But forgetting almost a decade together was proving more difficult than she expected. She pushed on the breaks quite hard, forced the door open and run to the field near the road. And then she collapsed on her knees and screamed, letting out all the frustration festering in her. Her hands began shaking and she felt the symptoms of a panic attack starting to manifest. Breathing was getting harder. So Aelin stayed in the filed, and cried and shook. Until she had no more tears left in her.