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fantomette22 · 2 years ago

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Alright let’s chat!! *pours tea*

What are your ideas on who Rom was and where she came from? Who was she mostly connected to? What was she like? <3

Alright it's time !! drink tea

I can talk about the Byrgenwerth girl yeah !! (finally lol) Sorry I have lot of thoughts but also I feel I'm still missing a few things XD sorry in advance if that doesn't made any sense or if it's too long.

Ok so let's go with my main/fic interpret it will be way easier. So Rom, probably a nickname of Roma but I really like CosmicTeaCat and OfSilentThings idea that it could came from Andromeda as well (it would made sense). And she's basically Willem biological daughter. So she's been around Byrgenwerth since like forever I guess XD but maybe there's a connection/ she had family at the hamlet (you know the one 👀) idk.

Still not fully sure if she have brown/black hair so basically curly dark hair. Got glasses and her eyes are either hm green-blue? idk whatever is generally the color of a lake is pick your color between brown-green and dark blue.

And hm I'm not sure ho to talk about it I know it can be a sensible subject but it's import for me as well. In my story she's autistic or got some sorts of disability at least. (I mean, there's at least 3 other characters I hc on the spectrum XD) but Rom is more in the middle of the spectrum. She's not "Asperger"/ high potential autistic (sorry I'm not familiar with the English terms). It's in the more "moderate/lower side" of it, with much more difficulties. I mean she can talk and all, she can be a bit autonomous and don't have to be with someone 24h/24 for ex. She probably managed to talk correclty really late too but hey it's totally fine ! And she became way more autonomous while growing up. There's thing and subject she excels and do really greatly but she need the right accompaniment for it and there's thing she really can't comprehend or do by herself without someone explaining first. She probably won't have a proper doctorate or a master degree but she still managed to have a licence/baccalaureate (+3/technician level, after many hard years of works) And you can't let her all alone in the middle of Yharnam and except her to be fully autonomous for exemple O_O' and similar to Caryll she need really calm environment.She's doing quite fine really it just smt you can feel she can be really out of the norm as well. I really have no idea if I did that on purpose or not, it just feel natural to me? Crazy how your own life & experience inspire you don't you think? Yes I think i heavily based her on my own little brother as well it's bit different too, yet it's the similar we'll say.

I love the interpretation where she's a super smart scholars but also really like the ones where Rom could be just a disable child that Byrgenwerth decided to turned into a great one ?! (I did a weird mixt of both ideas I guess)

She absolutely loves/hyperfixate on arthropods and gastropod ! And everything that came in between the nematodes and the chordata fishes (you know the ancestor of our spine) and in the Eucaryote/Metazoan side of the phylogenitc tree ! (I'm so sorry I think I just lost everyone who never did biodiversity in biology at the university XD). In short everything from worms, medusa, sponge, arthropods, gastropods, (to the simpler type of fish).

(you basically have the mushroom, yeast/levures? and plants before the metazoan. The chordata gave everything from the fish to us : mammals, marsupials, reptiles, birds, amphibians...) Hope it help 🫡 hey you know all this classification first appeared in the 17th-18th century too? :D

Anyway all of this to say she loves and is not afraid of spiders & augurs at all. 🕷️🐌

When there's big spiders everyone came find her to help them . She moves it somewhere else. And the day Gehrman and the prospectors bring back a giant spider from the labyrinth and she could come really close to it/touch it it was the best day of her life XD

She also loves the sea/ocean and the night sky, stars and plants ! She know many things about all of this too.

After the separation Byrgenwerth/Church the scholars still kinda worked a bit with the church idk it's complicated. She ended working at the research hall, mostly with Caryll, Adeline & Maria when they looked for Isz but also with Mico afterwards before going more in separate ways and end up with the choir a huge while (before ultimately returning to Byrgenwerth maybe, idk if returning at Byrgen as a spider count XD). She became the "leader" of the Choir after Caryll (I guess Laurence is the actual true leader but he's like the big boss above the choir and religious/priest/saints). She's also the first one to become a successful lumen wood kin. You know this :

(imagined with super choir clothes)

And years after /probably after the beginning of the hunter's dream more experiments were done, she might have re work a lot with Byrgen too. She went to lower pthumeru with her team (young scholars she took care of too probably)... and they turned into spiders.

Vacuous spider, that title came after she turned into a kin. They asked her question about the cosmos, they thought she had ascend ! But she couldn't really answered... she was just 😐 well vacuous but hey she did save Yharnam from the apocalypse thanks to to veil of the blood moon. Because after they summon MP every month they were a blood moon and without the veil. Yharnam would have fallen in a few years/months instead of +2 decades later (when the hunter arrive) So during the Mensis ritual, that spiraled out of control she block everything. Her physical body died (altar in ebrietas arena but here spirits lived on in the lake!)

Connection with others :

Well Willem is basically her dad. I think he tried his best but he also work a lot and it could be complicated with Rom like I said before because of her condition. (As someone who grew up knowing people with a disability it's not always easy we'll say but they managed to found a balance in the end!) He always tried to include her where she could. When she was really little and when he was on his famous rocking chair looking at the lake he had her on his knees and he told her/teach her all kind of things.

So hm to not help thing her mom passed away when she was little. I haven't 100% decide yet. In my story, 15y before the squad meet at Byrgenwerth they were a huge epidemic and it kill at least one person (if not more) close to every characters. Rom, Maria, Mico Ludwig, etc were like 5-6y old or smt? maybe a bit older. But perhaps her mother died even before that. A scholar too probably.

Laurence was kinda adopted by Willem after his parents (who were friends with the provost) passed away because of this same epidemic. He's like 6 years older or smt? compared to Rom (and the others lil students). So they're quite chill around each others. It's not the ultimate sibling besties but they're kind around one another.

So Micolash now! He got bring back to Willem too XD but way after Laurence. When he was a teen maybe. They were really great friends at Byrgen (pre-healing church) and passed lot of time together + with Damian as well. The 2 boys decided to be there to hemp Rom. Mico and Rom were really, really close at some point. I am not entirely sure in which measure and sense but...you can guess. I mean there's smt sure but I'm still hesitating right now if he saw her as family or probably smt more. (Maybe they got in a relationship too! But parted ways at some point... you know it's complicated)

Caryll and Rom understand each other on a spiritual lvl at times XD sometimes they don't even need to talk to each other. It feel like they share a brain/braincells. So don't let them work alone unsupervised doing labs together they will have no idea what they were supposed to be after 10mins of daydreaming 😂. They got better the years after. I promised they worked well at the Research Hall XD

She was good friends with Maria too. They both share common interest and Maria is super kind too. they love talking about stars, nature and science and like each other calm presence. I mean depends if you include Caryll but they're the 2 girls of the original Byrgenwerth squad too! Oh and I forgot but one day Maria bring her back a hateful maggot (dead) from the forest. Rom loves it of course.

And Rom & Adeline are such a probably hilarious pair as well XD

Ludwig is really chilled too so idk they could vibe.

Others : Of course the staff at Byrgenwerth really like her. Dores actively tried to act the more nicely (&protectively) possible around Rom. She like really feral around everyone and show a more softer sides really occasionally to the person close to her so that tell a lot.

Of course Liam( gatekeeper) and Gehrman, really find her sweet too and I haven't much ideas of for now but I guess there's quite a few subject she could talk with the groundskeeper.

I mean even Patches (who secretly hate everyone lol) find Rom really useful to take care of spiders and insects he is supposed to remove (yes he just clean the school at the beginning then managed to become scholars & prospectors lol. And he even joined Rom team in the chalice expedition and research a few times)

Choir/orphanage : she was in charge for a while so she knew many scholars/choir member / some church members but especially the children who grew up in the orphanage : Amelia, Edgar, Iosefka, Imposter Iosefka?! (maybe??), Yurie etc She passed a lot of time with them and teach them many things. (So that would explain why Yurie would protect her!!) ("She tried to protect them from Mico bad influence and Mensis too)

Ok Kos. Or say Kosm I'm not entirely sure but there's quite a big connection at some point. I mean Kos gives eyes to Rom after all. She probably had lot of research on Kos too and was possibly devastated when they found Kos dead at the Hamlet. + I guess loosing a child/ mother made them closer too so rom might had managed to communicate/connect with great one and Kos accepted her.

OMG i almost forgot the most important ! EBRIETAS ! She passed lot of times with Ebrietas they were really close !! Maybe Rom even understand her ! (language wise) and I mean Ebrietas literally mourn her and seems to wait for her indefinitely. Did she consider Rom like a sister after she turned into a kin ? Gasp or even her girlfriend/wife ! Who knows ! (sorry I find it funny and so angsty at the same time.)

And I'm going to stop here I think 😅 Hope you enjoyed ! Thank you for finally allowed me to talk about it.

So yeah love the potato kin spider ! ❤️

#bloodborne #bloodborne headcanons #rom the vacuous spider #part 1 : a scholar’s dream #hey I got the best marks in biodiversity lmao if I didn't went in geology I would have done this or evolution/paleo #I'm so sorry for the bio lesson too XD it was longer than expected but I need to talk about all of this #I hope I express myself correctly as well I knew autism & neurodiversity are really important for some persons and I can't write-#-everything in details and you will understand that I can't share all my personal life either #i don’t have much drawing with rom yet. ok i got the Christmas one too but that’s it xD #Yharnam's communion #my asks

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absotivelyplushilutely · 2 years ago

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There were actually Jellycats at the Waterstones I was in this weekend, when I've been in the past there was usually just a couple or none. After I took these photos I actually straightened up the display so everyone was facing out. I didn't get anyone because I didn't have money but I did thoroughly enjoy saying hello to everyone and giving them pats and a little "hand cuddle" (like hugging them but using just my hands so that I don't accidentally get them too close to my face or anything).

I really liked Munro Scottie Dog, they had three there, it was nice to check the texture since sometimes it can be a little tricky to tell (a bit like the curvie Jellycats, a couple of lengths and warm/fluffy type fabric instead of silky soft), if I'd had money I honestly would've been tempted to bring one home. I felt Crumblie Fox and liked that texture too (same as or very similar to the Fuddlewuddles). Fuddlewuddle Dino and Elephant are great, the name made my brother smile, they've both been on my list for ages, and Harry Panda is always very tough to resist because while he's not floppy he does have the perfect amount of stuffing (at least all of the ones I've felt) to where he squishes a little when you hug him but also presses you in a nice reassuring way.

I know lots of people like sharks so the sharks in the second photo are Keel Eco (the brand is called Keel, this collection is the Eco collection it uses recycled materials if I remember rightly) and are very very soft and lovely, the Keel Eco stuff is always super soft (almost Jellycat soft) I have a little Panda I got as a gift and they're great so if anyone is curious about those then I can recommend them. In case anyone was curious my brother's favourites were these sharks and Bashful Tiger (he didn't get anything either because he's trying to save money).

In the window I saw a few lambs but didn't get a proper look because it was getting late, I think one might've been Huddles Sheep though (bearing in mind that I need to go for an eye test and definitely need new glasses xD) very cute!

I'm really excited for the Feb 15th drop, I don't know if I'll be able to actually get anything right away (this month didn't go to plan and I feel like their prices have gone up since a year or two ago which is sad for me), but regardless I'm excited to look when they drop! I got my favourites into the three I'd buy if I could though (three because initially three was how many I intended to get and had allocated money for it but between Build-a-Bear and a few things going wrong I used most of it).

Blowzy Belle Sheep (if I'm picking just one this'll be the one)

Fuzzkin Monkey

Tumblie Elephant (or Cosmo Monster, I keep going back and forth on this one)

Then once Feb is done I need to take a break to let my wallet recover (also I'm out of space so I really need to limit myself more).

#jellycat #plush #plushies #plush collector #plushie #soft toys #jellycats #Keel #Keel eco #I'm trying to allocate money for at least one Jellycat fingers crossed but I'm not getting my hopes up things are off to a rocky start

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dragonrider9905 · 1 year ago

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Hi hope you don't mind if I'm on anon, it's @frostycatblr-fandom-files, I just hate having to use my main for these kinds of ask games sometimes! >.<

Question 25 and/or question 18 for the fanfic writer ask game~

Hi Frosty!!! Sorry it took me a while, but here it is! and I definitely don't mind it is Anon :) @frostycatblr-fandom-files always happy to see you pop up on the dash! <3

18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

GREAT ONE!!!! Boy, I don't know...Sometimes I'm like "eh, ew, I wrote this?" and other times I'm like "Damn, I wrote this!!!!" I know I have a lot I like...one that is jumping out to me right now is from my Tech x OC series Technically, We're in Love, Part two Battle of Witts:

“Echo faced something cruel. Cruelty is never stupid. If cruelty makes you afraid, your fear isn’t stupid either.”

Another is from 'Though Broken, We'll Mend Each Other' in the Hunter Stress Journal series:

"So Hunter scribbled until the sun came up over Ord Mantell and the few birds that ventured into the polluted city started to sing. He wrote about what he saw in the dream, how he felt, what happened, and how a small traitorous part still blamed himself for what didn’t actually happen."

ok, now you have me going, I hope you don't mind :D but I keep going, wait! Here's another :D

"Death's Darling Daughter" this passage here:

“The future is uncertain. If we all survive to the end of the war, many things could change. Don’t press on the future what is currently true today. Today clones are not—” she sighed, “people in the eyes of many but that doesn’t mean that it will be like that tomorrow. Look ahead, but not too far you can’t see one step in front of you. Look in front of you but don’t be blinded from what lies ahead.”

and Basically the whole intro from The Days We Hold Dear, but especially:

"Maybe, just maybe, the pieces of their lives which were so broken could be put back together again in a new and beautiful way. Even though there were many reasons to grieve, Omega gave them more reasons to find joy, hope for a future, and find peace in the present. Even though the shards of a shattered life were scattered, never to be returned, a new stained glass window could be made just as lovely as the last."

--that was way more than what you asked, sorry!

25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?

Heh. Heh. Heh. Yes, many times. With my angst. You know I like writing angst ;P and I have to say sometimes I stop and pause like "wow, I think I just hurt my own feelings, wow" XD "tell me it's going to be ok, brain? Right? Right. We said it was going to be a happy ending, right?" Yeah, my brain can be bad to me ;D

Writer Ask Game

#dragonrider9905 answers #ask game

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walkingstackofbooks · 2 years ago

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DS9 3x19 Through the Looking Glass thoughts (I'm re-watching, so there may be future spoilers)

Q: "If you don't believe me, ask Chief O'Brien." O: "When I came in, he and Morn were painting numbers on the voles backs." Miles was what now?? Chief?! [Just reread the script, I definitely misunderstood that XD The he meant Quark 😅]

"A vole fight? I'm appalled. Do you really think that was what Morn was up to?" I really love Quark's transparent lies.

I see that they still read Alice in Wonderland in the mirror verse, too.

Tuvok!!!!! I do not remember him being here but then I don't think I'd started Voyager when I last watched this?

Bashir's grumpy face when Sisko takes over XD

Man, Sisko acts as his mirror counterpart so accurately - how much did Kira or Julian tell him about Mirror!Sisko for him to be able to just launch in like this?

Oh I LIKE Jadzia's haircut

Bashir is sooooo different 😅

Rom's a traitor?!!! What even is this???

"What about Sisko?" "Take me to the Intendant's quarters." Oh, he's gooood!

G: "Intendant, I demand that this man be-" I: "You demand???". I LOVE the Intendant, and the way she takes this Garak down.

Oh. Sisko's look upon seeing Jennifer <3

J: "Then why did you leave me to go run and play pirate for the Intendant?" S: "That's a good question." I guess Sisko would like to ask his counterpart that too, not being able to imagine why he would leave Jennifer.

This mission would have been a failure if Mirror!Sisko had tried - there's no way he could have succeeded the way our Sisko can. ...Although he may not even have cared enough to try and save her rather than kill her - unless out of spite that Bashir doesn't think it a good plan.

J: "You have a subdermal communicator?" S: "Courtesy of the Ferengi." Oh noooo, if that's through Rom he betrayed you, they'll be listening in 😬😬

J: "I still hate you." S: "I know." Ouch. But also, expected. And I love her for choosing what's best for her without capitulating to who she thinks is her lousy ex.

J: "Now what?" S: "Uh, I'll think of something." His confidence!

Love seeing the whole evil gang just standing there, the framing is great!

"That was very clever, Benjamin, having one of your own men betray you so you could get aboard the station. I was completely fooled." - I was fooled too!!!! I'm glad Rom isn't a traitor in this universe either... even if he's dead :(

"I came a long way to get you out of here and I'm not going to leave without you." Jennifer's expression of :o

Garak's unhinged cry of "Pursue!" - what even was that? XD

I: "In fact, I can assure you that your husband will never annoy you again." J: "Actually, for the first time since I've met him, he's not annoying me." That's because he's not actually your husband XD

J: "I'm a Terran." Sisko's proud smile <3

"Computer, disengage self-destruct sequence. Authorisation Kira... alpha nineonesevenfiveblue." The way she says that last bit so quickly, hating to admit he got it right XD Also I love the continuity this part has with Civil Defense, great way to work it in.

"Authorisation denied." "I changed it!" Gotta love Sisko's sing-song "I've won!" voice

J: "Thank you for rescuing me." S: "It was my pleasure." the way he flinches and closes his eyes when she kisses him. He really takes a lot of emotional punches this episode.

"Take me home, Smiley." Oh, Sisko, that tone in his voice that doesn't quite want to leave 💔

#ds9 3x19 #ds9 through the looking glass #benjamin sisko #andi watches ds9 #WSB

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snowy-weather · 1 year ago

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I drink alcohol occasionally, but mostly cider and mead. Those are usually sweet and actually tasty. Oh, and mulled wine, I love that stuff. Basically, anything with sugar in it. XD

There's this fantasy-themed fair in the Netherlands every year called Elfia, and they used to sell whole bottles of very tasty mead there. Like mead with cherry flavour and stuff like that, absolutely delicious. Unfortunately they're not allowed to sell the bottles anymore, but you can still buy a glass to drink right there. They'll even warm it up for you. So good!

But yeah, regular wine... I'm neutral on it. I don't think it tastes horrible, but it's not great either. I usually don't drink it. Beer... beer is disgusting.

tell me in the tags either the worse drink you've ever had or what you do to alcohol to make it palatable

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ghost-town-story · 2 months ago

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Hi I'm a few days late (by my own standards) with this but in my defense every single day of December so far I've either been working or in school so I feel I'm justified lol

Anyways to explain what's going on here, another November has passed, and with it another of my NaNo stories turns heckin 10 years old. Who the fuck gave it the right, huh? So, in the spirit of nostalgia and cringe I'mma reread it, and since I'm now an adult with adult money who can buy herself some gotdamned alcohol, I'm also making drinking rules to deal with the inevitable cringe lmao

(Obligatory disclaimer that NaNo the org is fuckin trash and I do not endorse them, but NaNo as an event will always have a special place in my heart and I'm basically kidnapping it from the org now)

The rules are simple: 1. Drink whenever I cringe 2. Drink whenever there's a blatant case of me padding the fuckin word count (in this case, dream sequences lol)

And with that, I once again have my kitty, I have my snaccs, I unfortunately do not have my emotional support wine but I do have peach wine which'll have to do, so let's go

Time to reread Nova draft 1 for the first time since........ whenever I reread it last and sparked the eternal rewrite hell I'm in now lmao

Okay so this intro is like....... not great but also hella?? Like the whole "showing Will missing James" is *chef's kiss* but the execution is..... needs work lmao

Ah yes, the days when Aydan was hella fuckin traumatized before the events of Nova ever happened lol

Liam's gf is named after my tenor buddy from high school aaaaaah <3

LMAOOOOOO fuckin perspective change mid paragraph hell yeah *cries* we're doing so great y'all

............................. well I'm gonna take a huge ass drink bc oh lord, things that shoulda tipped me off that my brain is some form of neurospicy a long ass time ago

But also hell yeah, cute Summer Aydan moment. for fuckin once they are so mildly catty to each other now lol (Summer is overprotective and smothering and Aydan gets sassy in response and Summer gets catty back lol)

I thought he wore colored contacts in this draft. I THOUGHT HE WORE COLORED CONTACTS IN THIS DRAFT. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Yeah amnesiac Jay was the best fucking decision I ever made for this story bc oh lord Jay's motivations for why Will can't know his identity are tissue paper fuckin thin anyways if you need me I'll be singing Frozen bc that's the association my brain is making rn lol

CONCEAL DON'T FEEL DON'T LET THEM KNOOOOOOOOW

*ahem* anyhoot

I......... I'm fairly certain that's not vertigo, that's just shitty fuckin depth perception from having shit vision in one eye my dude

Ah yes, when Lai was an important character cause he was one of the only ones XD

Oh yeah and nobody tells Jay shit lmaoooo "oh btw she's Summer's cousin" "SERIOUSLY????" (this also happens later. something about their uncles dating. i think i've posted it before lol. we'll get there soon enough) lmaooooo and Lai calls Jay out for his lack of knowledge anyways cause he's supposed to know this shit XD

Lai isn't being an absolute gotdamned asshole and somehow this is worse

(also one of my classmates texted me for unrelated reasons anybody wanna take bets on how long before that conversation devolves because i'm already half a glass of wine in XD)

Jay being stalkery! Wahoo!!

oh antisocial bb Aydan <333 who's also a smartass <33333 and a bb <3333333

And meanwhile Jay is continuing to be creeper stalkery :P

oh bb yeah. yeah. I used to be snappy about my height lol. sorry bb that's where you're getting your snappiness from XD

fuckin Will lmao

And now is when the tissue paper motivations piss me off even more!!!!

"They never found his body" correction! y'all's mom never found his body. Baz did ;)

JAY. JAY NO. READ THE FUCKING ROOM MY BOY. ABSOFUCKINLUTELY NOT LMAO

"oh jeez i didn't mean to cause problems" says the boy who is knowingly causing problems by keeping his identity a secret

"I'm not going to make it personal" says the boy who complicates everything by making it personal i think we need to add a tally/drinking rule for every time Jay says a blatant lie XD

Oh god once again I have been smacked with the knowledge that originally Heron, Gray, and Owl were supposed to be teenagers, like barely older than Jay

And I have also been smacked with the knowledge that Seanna, Starlight-now-Sora, and Cal were always a part of the group in this version! forgot the fuck about that!

Wait. wait wait wait wait wait. Is Basil older than Heron Gray and Owl????????

WHY ARE THESE MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE JAY????? WHY ARE YOUR DAMN MOTIVATIONS LIKE GOTDAMN NEWSPAPER IN THE RAIN

bb aydan <3333333

Jay now is not the time to be flirting ffs

lmaoooooo this was based off my fucking high school geometry class. fuck that weird ass project.

Aydan my darling with an Ed Elric-sized temper <333333333

"If you're going to be taking junior classes [as a freshman] try not to act your age so much" damn Summer what the fuck "Geometry isn't even a junior class it's a sophomore one" yeah mood lmao

Jay "sit here and look pretty" Miles you have not changed in that regard <3

Imma be honest, this scene is very what the fuck. Like, even understanding the subtext that I was trying to bury, I Do Not Get this scene. It's so fuckin disjointed and just. Will's parents have nothing to do with the unnamed past trauma. Why are they basically being equated here???? I don't fucking know!!!!! this, my friends, is why I drink when rereading ~decade old writing now XD

"I'm not stupid," says the boy who, historically, has made a lot of stupid decisions XD

LMAO "philosophy's a bitch" FUCKIN PREACH WILL I HATED THAT CLASS SO MUCH AND I ONLY TOOK IT CUZ OF A BITCH I CUT CONTACT WITH ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AFTER HIGH SCHOOL (she has a name in my storytime series. I do Not Remember it rn. nor do I care. She was a gotdamned bitch lol)

"Fuck philosphy" again gotdamn PREACH Will

HI WILLOW WHO IS FRESHLY STOLEN FROM COFAS AT THIS POINT :DDDD

Ah yes "I didn't know Summer and Aydan were related until River told me they were his nieces." "Is everybody related and I just don't know about it?" "BTW River is your uncle's ex-boyfriend" XDDDDD (ex only bc said uncle (Hayden) fuckin DIED rip in pieces Hayden you're officially ded for realsies in Nova canon nowadays)

Ah back in the ol' days when cellphones weren't ubiquitous and forgetting yours wouldn't be a gotdamn death sentence lol

THE FUCK PHILOSOPHY AGENDA CONTINUES

Jay. My dude. My buddy. Considering you know (i think) about the Past Traumas. you really shoulda maybe TOLD HER THE FUCKING TRUTH EARLIER. like i know this is rushed bc of outside circumstances (probs i was tired of writing high school shenanigans) but ma dude. pls.

Jay out here writing the "how to make your gf's cousin hate you forever" manual lol

Oh Lai now is NOT the time lmao Hell yeah Willow bitchin out Lai for being a bitch lol

oh good fucking lord i did not have the antagonists planned out well in this AT ALL

KAI!! I thought that was Baz at first and I was gonna cry bc I was confused at how old Baz is in this draft lol

Oh lord the exposition I was so terrible at it lol

"What do you want? A dramatic reunion scene where we admit our feelings to each other and shit?" lmaoooooo jokes on you Jay y'all are hella gay for each other now XDDDD (he's talking to Baz here)

Baz is 19. Jay is 17. So are Heron Gray and Owl meant to be 18 or are they even younger than Jay????? That's..... noooooo

"I left Aydan with River." "Oh yeah, they are related" "Goddammit why does everybody know this but me"

Lol this dynamic has flipflopped. Baz is now the one who freaks out when things don't go the way he plans and Jay's the one like "Babe. pls. not your fault. pls chill."

god they're so gay but like i don't even think they're exes here! it's just a bunch of homorerotic subtext that I never do shit with!!!!

OH MY GOD. HE IS WEARING COLORED CONTACTS. BUT JUST TO HIDE THE NOVA RINGS. WHAT THE FUUUUUCK DUDE SO MUCH EFFORT WOULDA BEEN AVOIDED IF YOU JUST WORE BROWN CONTACTS NOT YOUR HETEROCHROMATIC ASS

Ah yes the inability to sleep on his own. He still kinda has that trait. But more in the crossover from hell bc he's spent ages sleeping next to Baz and/or Aydan

And we come upon our first dream-sequence-added-for-word-padding folks! 15/83 pages in!!

*ahem* I accidentally fell asleep XD Day 2 shenanigans commence here

I still have no idea how old Heron Gray and Owl are supposed to be here smh

*hissssss* this is not my Basil *throws tomatoes*

But also Catnip <333333

The bones are there. The bones are so there. If they weren't I wouldn't've resurrected this from the dead and into eternal WIP hell. but gotdamn is this so painfully disjointed and cliche and aaaaaaaah

Wait does this make me a WIP necromancer? lmao ............................. GODDAMMIT I DON'T NEED ANOTHER WIP IDEA AAAAAAAAH

*ahem* anyhoot

Jay ya dramatic mothafluffa lol

Also Jay you are no doctor and those symptoms are vague enough that it might not mean shit about her nova (it does, but I'm still gonna rag on him bc it's so nonspecific lol)

Anyways bb snuggle times!!! :D

Aydan: is very blatantly told not to bring anything with her, and very clearly does not bring anything with her Also Aydan: has a book she brought with her in this scene. bc why not

Oh I thought we never went into the backstory trauma explicitly! Guess I fuckin forgot!!!! Never mind it's like bare ass bones detail lmao

God I can't believe I posted this on Figment Once again, rip Figment and also it's probably for the best since I'm a gotdamn digital packrat

Ah yes, hello Molly. I only semi-recently-ish added you back into Nova Also lmao Jay you are being so gotdamn unsubtle right now :P

Okay this is more like the Basil I know and love :D Sassing Jay and kicking his ass when he's sick <3

Awwww gay bbs <3

JAAAAAAAAY <33333333333333 I know I've been sassing this version of him hard but THAT'S MY BB RIGHT THERE

lol oh Basil jealousy never looks good on you XD (It's not even jealousy it's just. sir you've been introduced to her. Jay's probably waxing poetic in his free time. you should know her gotdamn name)

lmao still so true Jay really doesn't like making people worry about him

DREAM SEQUENCE TWO BAYBE actually this one might not've been to pad the word count, I think it was a strategically placed flashback due to Jay being sick as fuck right now

Yup, strategically placed (aka the following chapter actually acknowledges the gotdamn dream sequence)

Damn, low blow there Jay lmao

heh. heheheh. there's absolutely nothing you can imply about me from this scene. absolutely nothing regarding my love of sick-fics lmao

BASIL KICKING DOWN THE DOOR WITH THE FLIRTING LMAOOO but also yeah baz stop acting like Jay sheesh this is too damn weird lol

lolllllll Heron and Owl being gayyyyyyyyy

also lmao @ me writing fucking fight scenes :P

Basil you absolute shithead lmao

Damn Will being gotdamn sassy as shit

Ah yes, the part of Will's characterization that I eventually cut bc I was not.......... it's a sensitive topic and I did not handle it the way that i shoulda. So ultimately it got cut and it may have been slightly before this but this was def in the transition stage of me going "actually, I think I should not give Will this characterization in part bc i've been fucking it up bad" but he still had some parts of it Had to get mildly called out by somebody in a writing workshop to really start having that realization, but eh, you live n you learn and you do better the next time you create a character like that, because 15-ish-year-olds are notoriously stupid even if they think they're doing good research

Anyways moving on from that tangent

Time to silently scream about Jay's tissue paper thin motivations again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lol i'm not sure if this was to pad the word count or not, but we're having a Heron-Gray-Owl intermission now!

Was Gray a Nova at this point? Or did I add that later? I def didn't have the specialties at this point so her clockwork shenanigans are just calling back to the book series I stole her from, but is she a Nova?????

LMAO Heron's upset about a book character dying whatta fuckin MOOD

lmao I'm laughing so hard that my cat just looked over at me and meowed so indignantly. sorry bb I must die over the fact I gave Heron my high-school overdramaticness about character deaths

dawwwww and now a Sora-Seanna-Cal intermission ft the best momma Cassandra!

Lol Summer you are waaaaaaaaay too late for the protective older sister/cousin talk you're trying to do here

Damn Summer really just always goes for the throat when arguing with Aydan gotdamn

lmao "I'm almost sixteen!" bb you're still just a bb <3

Will: *walks in, sees argument, immediately tries to nope outta this shit*

But hey, now we get snuggle time!!

Yeah I don't know why Jay was supposed to be a secret Nova. It's something that held on from the 0.5 draft, but even that I'm like....... why???? 0.5 draft was a fucking wild ass ride that is basically only 5 scenes long on paper and mostly lives on in my fuckin brain lol

Lmao snuggle time getting interrupted by Aydan somehow recognizing Jay's scars despite not ever actually knowing him before his nova

Lol despite it all, and despite me describing him as 2 steps from emo several times, Will's favorite color is in fact, still dark/navy blue, not black XD This is why his mask color in the Band AU is dark blue (+grey cuz of his eyes)

TISSUE! PAPER! MOTIVATIONS! FUCK YOU!!!

"I miss my parents" lol keep thinking that kid your mom gets so much worse in the rewrite <3

Okay back to the snuggles lol

And another dream sequence, this one definitely just for padding out that word count!!

pffft the "are we dating" convo got swapped over to Baz and Jay bc with Baz Jay is so fuckin clueless but by the time he n Ay are serious he actually knows fuckin words (bc words are very important when you're trying to do poly shit lol)

(side note my entire life is covered in glitter rn cuz i'm adding edible glitter to my wine :DDDDDDD)

Okay Jay that's goin straight to 1000% right there gotdamn my dude

Again, Summer, you are way too late to this party to be playing the overprotective card

And again she's going for the gotdamn throat jesus fuck Summer have a bit of chill huh?

Why the fuck is Will on Aydan's side in this??? I don't understand......

Baz seriously stop stealing Jay's personality I don't fluffin like it (tbh I think it was just a bit of the writer's version of same-face-syndrome where I only really knew how to write one sort of character. Maybe)

Ah yes the at-the-time reasonless "I want Jay to go nova first so dramatic powers explosion" scene (current reasoning for Jay going nova first despite Baz being older/a Nova for longer is that he uses too much magic closing the time rift at Almaraz) (sometimes it takes close to a decade to fix a plot hole lmao)

oh Baz <3333

Jay going nova in a safe environment cuz he knows he doesn't have much time left? *yawn* boring Jay sacrificing himself for Baz and Aydan cuz he knows he doesn't have much time left, then using his nova to hopefully hurt his mother/the government? motha fluffin *chef's kiss* right there (Especially with the added trauma to Baz of being the one to cause Jay's nova lol)

Group hug poly shenanigans! :DDDD

Oh I coulda made that hit so much harder if I had any sorta fuckin restraint and knew about/properly appreciated the trope of "one person says ily first and the other can't say it back but feels it so much" (I may have actually first encountered that in an OTGW/GF fic.......... lmao. The Mystery Best Friends is a great series. Go read it if anything about this ramble interests you. It's on AO3. I've seen 1 ep of GF and none of OTGW and I still love it with such a gotdamn passion)

Anyhoot lmao can you tell I've had a full ass glass of wine yet? :P My blood is turning to glitter as we speak <3

Oh my god I can't believe this is the first time Bay is getting some gotdamn real ass mention. he's gonna get his asshole characterization real fuckin soon tho!!

Oh I don't even describe his nova fuckin laaaaaaaaaaaaaaame (to be fair the only one i think I describe is in the Time Travel "AU" which is....... not the canon timeline in a way of speaking lmao) (TTAU my gotdamn beloved <333333)

This detail has stayed! The fact that Jay's goggles are so gotdamned attuned to him due to the initial nova lmao

WHY IS THAT TECHNICALLY A PART OF THE PREVIOUS PARAGRAPH JESUS FUCK okay context. I write in wall of text style. Still do. It's an awful habit i should break lmao. anyhoot. So I do full on paragraph breaks for scene changes

ya know like this, and lil shift enters like this for things that are like "continuation of the previous but but also i want a paragraph break in here for reasons" And for some fuckass reason I did the lil shift enter between a paragraph focused on Baz and Aydan and Jay's goggles and Jay waking up absofluffinlutely confused by everything and not even with his goggles yet which woulda been a very good mothafluffin transition jesus fuck my wine is too full otherwise i would drain my glass for this

Dream sequence no. I've lost count! 3?? maybe 4????? I can't math even when I'm sober lmao (which is absolutely hilarious bc I'm the best at math in my class. how. how did this happen. (engineering college is the answer tbh) my math major friend is absolutely shooketh that this is happening lol)

lollllll you can tell this was written in................... after my jaw surgery. wait was it after my jaw surgery? it's real fuckin accurate to that feeling of waking up after surgery but also was it really over a decade ago? jesus fuck i'm old (and don't remember how old/what grade i was in in 2014) Anyways mothafluffin accuracy all i wanted was some fuckin water when I was waking up after surgery and all they'd give me was gotdamn ice chips which did barely nothin (that surgery is also what gave me the knowledge that fruit punch gatorade is tasty af) (and baby food is very........ overly fruity)

Also a fuckin mood about trying to wake up and being hella unable to

Oh! by that point i'd definitely gotten my wisdom teeth out! which was probably at least part of the basis for this scene if I hadn't had the jaw surgery yet

Ah yes, back in ye olde days when Jay had fucked up eyesight (which magically got fixed after his nova bc let's be real, i kept forgetting to write that and Aydan's asthma)

Hey Bay! First time seeing you, 32 pages in! And you're immediately asserting yourself as an asshole!!!!!!

Good fucking LORD I basically swapped Jay and Basil's personalities didn't I????? Well, to be fair, maybe not really. I just... hol up lemme give you the line for context cuz I'm lazy lmao

“I never would have thought you would go nova before Basil,” Bay said, entering the room properly. “He always used his power a bit frivolously, while you… You never used your powers unless you had to, did you?”

so, in current Nova canon: 1. Baz in no way uses his power frivolously, although to Bay (who is very "no powers ever") it probably is 2. Jay is worse than Baz about using his powers. He doesn't like people healing him, but he won't fuckin hesitate to use his powers and shorten his own lifespan to protect/heal/save the people he loves 3. Bay is an asshole to Jay bc he thinks he's a liability and gonna drive Basil off the deep end into life-ending shenanigans (not entirely wrong, to be fair) 4. Basil is still probably more conservative in power usage than Jay, but that's more cuz he thinks more and can figure out ways of solving situations with minimal/no power usage, as opposed to Jay who basically goes nuclear if he has no other plan/guidance lmao

anyhoot tangent done lmao

Bay is being friendly to Jay and I am so weirded out this is worse than Baz acting like Jay

Yeah it's definitely better when Baz has the whole smackdown of his dad for running away, when his dad has been pushing him to fight his whole life vs Jay who's just a "friend" of Baz in this version I do appreciate Jay giving Bay the gotdamn snark for ditching Baz lol

Oh this is some bullshit lmao

Reunion time! <3333333

God my romance writing was Not Great back then lmao I think this was also before I ever dated somebody.................. yeah checks out (I may have had Cyrus flirting at me nonstop by this point tho) No wait I definitely did cuz Seanna is named after him! oh jeez

BRB just need to stare at the wall for a few moments contemplating what choices led to me deciding that Aydan needed this traumatic backstory (I would also say what choices led to me deciding a near sex-scene was necessary at this particular time, but let's be real I was a Cassandra Clare bitch so the reason behind the near sex-scene is the least confusing part of this)

Molly and Oliver intermission!!! Oliver is forever just a lil sweetheart <3333333

"A few weeks" YOU MEAN TO TELL ME JAY SNAGGED ANOTHER NOVA, WENT NOVA, GUILT TRIPPED BAY INTO COMING BACK, AND NEARLY BONKED AYDAN ON SCREEN WITHIN THE SPAN OF A FEW GOTDAMN WEEKS??????? BITCH TRY A FEW GOTDAMN MONTHS, MAYBE OVER HALF A GOTDAMN YEAR WHAT THE GOTDAMN FUCK?????? (not even mentioning the sick-fic arc and everything else that happened between that and Jay's explodey accident/subsequent nova)

"Jay only cares about Basil and Aydan" yeah basically lmao

Oh yeah. Definitely while Will still had the characterization I did badly. Cuz he's not in this dream sequence when he should be for plot reasons I really don't feel like explaining bc we'd be here for way too fuckin long

James the chocolate fiend has stayed! I've kept that much consistent!

(also if the typos get worse from here on out i apologize but damn my fingers are not wanting to hit the right keys and at some point i'll get too lazy to keep correcting my mistakes. the lack of capitalization should be a tipoff lmao)

This is totally not the point but the story mentions that James is the oldest son which. Is true in some universes. Not in current Nova and not in Band AU, which is where the tangent is coming from, but. that fuckin line just reminded me of the HPM AU of Band AU, where Will was the third oldest, and yet he became the oldest child and it fuckin sucks. The middle child who was never meant to be the oldest, even when his oldest brother died bc he still had his slightly older triplet brother, who then also died and absofuckinlutely ruined Will bc he was never meant to be the oldest.

Half Past Midnight is an AU that makes me cry onthe regular when I think about it!

Moving on!!

Jay you're a fucking shithead lmaooo

Oh dear. I just realized we're not even halfway through yet D: (to be fair this is 53000 words. and some of them may be notes for the rewrite/an attempt at it. but still. DDDDD:)

Ah Jay, being overly concerned with Aydan's health <3 (and overly concerned with his for the circumstances *stare*)

oh bb Oliver <3333333

Lol Molly's crush on Jay is kinda still a thing at least. or at the very least her ignoring the fuck outta Oliver following her around like a smitten puppy lol

"I'll make sure he takes care of you" I'm sorry do you actually get the opportunity to talk to Baz or are you fuckin bullshittin my dear Jay????

It is honestly so fascinating to see some of the character choices that I made. Like Boss is an active participant and not just the guy moving all the chess pieces around from his office. huh

Anyways back to the fuckin Frozen internal soundtrack lol which is funny cuz this wip definitely wasn't written to the Frozen soundtrack, unlike gotdamn CoFaS (that's a lie, when I was rewriting Nova in 2019 it was partially to the Frozen 2 soundtrack, but this is 2014 goddammit, the sequel is still 5 ish years off!!!!!!)

god this fight scene is bad *cringe*

OH THIS IS WHERE HERON DIED OMG Oh that is blatantly a quote from the series I stole them from oop

yup my love for whump definitely isn't shining through here *sarcasm*

oh poor Owl DDDD:

oh everybody is having a rough ass time rn

Ah I fuckin shared this scene with the writing club me and my selo started. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

oh that's a reference to a figment exclusive story that never got published oop lmao

OH HI HAYDEN ENJOY LIVING IN THIS DRAFT :DDDDDD

god everything was so black and white when i was a kid huh

"I don't think I'm qualified to tell you" says one of the most qualified mothafluffas on the planet lol

Yeah there is absolutely no logic for me bringing Hayden and Remus back, but ya know what? Let Kai be happy in this version at least. He gets that much still

Yeah my romance still sucks at this point in the story lol

LMAO everybody is chirping Kai for making out with Hayden first thing

feckin ;) KAI JESUS FUCK

Jay: I was trying to protect your innocence (re walking in on Kay and Hayden makin out) Aydan: what innocence?

Yup, my romance is trash lmao

Lol Jay is still a clingy ass shit <3

Goooooooooooooooooood Jay and Basil are so gay for each other in this draft they fuckin need to kiss about it already

Why is Will included? for the fuckin drama I guess lol

Oh yeah for the fuckin drama. Will's trying to dig into Jay's identity lmao

Which Jay is not helping by fucking suggesting he and Will pretend to be siblings lmaooooo

god the gotdamn age gap shenanigans smh (not as bad as CoFaS but I still made a fucking Point outta it here)

Ah yes the gotdamn mid-scene POV shifts smh

Oh I finally have an age for Gray, she's around Aydan's age here (so 15/16 ish)

BB LILY <33333333333

Ah yes, and back in the days where HP was still popular bc the author hadn't revealed herself as a piece of shit yet

BUT NEVER MIND THAT BB LILY IS BB <333333333333333

God Jay isn't supposed to be this much of a rules boi aaaaaaaaaaah

awwwww fuckin Lily and Aydan is the cutest gotdamn thing ever <3333333

[Will] followed Jay and Aydan regardless, not because he wanted to mind you, but because he had no other freaking choice.

lol fuckin classic Will XD

......... I FELL ASLEEP AGAIN GODDAMMIT I WILL FINISH THIS TONIGHT I SWEAR WE'RE LIKE 2/3 DONE I THINK

Ah Jay, why the fuck must this be your shitty person arc?

Don't mind me if you need me I'll be over here smacking this version of Jay with a newspaper for being so gotdamn shitty Like, ma dude! This is absolutely not how you're supposed to be acting! Stop being a dipshit!!

BB LILY <33333333

Lol perfectly reasonable reaction to getting attacked: "I'm gonna fuckin kill Jay the next time I see him" (To be fair, it is bc Jay's been a shithead that Aydan's even in this position in the first place. but still. Funny train of thought there babe lol)

Summer now is not the time for your gotdamn agenda lol

Okay at least now Jay's apologizing for being a shithead lol

Fuckin romance ugh lol

staaaaaaaaaaaaaaare I think the Seanna-Sora-Cal intermission ft Cassandra might've been added later. and by later i mean around when I was writing this scene. So not quite padding the word count last minute but definitely not preplanned lol Which would also make the Heron-Gray-Owl intermission also not preplanned, but added bc eh why not since I'm having a Seanna-Sora-Cal intermission

Heckin nerds

God why did I feel the need to bring up the fuckin age gap again????

"Your morals do not exist" lmao

also way too much shit has happened for it to only have been a year what the gotdamn fuck

Catnip!!! Catnip and Lily!!!!! Absolute chaos besties!!!!!!!!!!

I should add Lily back into Nova. Somehow. She's too adorable to cut completely lol

Oh hi Molly from (quite literally) left field!!!

Oh Oliver <33333333

Everything about this is outta fuckin nowhere lmao I think there was like 1.5 scenes of setup about 20 pages back and that was it lol

but anyways, poor bb Oliver <3

Lol that's the Jay I know and love (doesn't want Aydan healing him (even tho by this point he knows it ain't a death sentence))

oh bb Oliver <333333

DREAM SEQUENCE NO. I'VE MOST DEFINITELY LOST COUNT BY THIS POINT!!!!

Oh shit we're already at the reveal. I thought there was another scene of Will and Jay having a conversation but now that I think about it I think that was earlier when I was hella tipsy last night XD

Oh Will, this is such a conversation

"I was trying to protect you" Jay that was a shitty way of doing it and you fuckin know it!!!!! gotdamn tissue paper motivation bitch!!!!

damn practically back to back dream sequences :P

How the fuck are we practically at the end????? Like i know the last couple pages are dedicated to my first attempt at rewriting this but we're only at page 57/83????????? (to be fair the ending is long I'm just. shooketh lmao)

god now more than ever you can really tell I had no idea what the fuck I was doing re: climax of an urban fantasy story. This is like attempting to do the whole climatic end of LOTR battle but in urban fantasy and it just. does not fuckin work that way

Anyways lmao Will now is not the time to make Jay face his past

There had always been too much insomnia in this house.

I like this line.

Lexi!!! my darling <3

Oh this is so gotdamn awkward lmao

MID SCENE POV SHIFT ALARM

“Stay safe,” [his mother] whispered in his ear. “I will Mom,” Jay promised, lying through his teeth. “I promise.”

STILL A GOTDAMN MOOD

Lmao great pep talk Boss XD

OH I REMEMBER WHAT SCENE IS COMING UP ITS BAD LMAO

but hey, this is the basis for "mind controlled government Novas" that I have in the current draft lol

Y'ALL NOW IS NOT THE FUCKIN TIME TO BE MAKING OUT LMAO the Cassandra Clare influence is really showing here smh

oh bbs <3

KAI AND HAYDEN :DDDDDD

Oh we're checking in with everybody lol got some Gray and Owl battle shenanigans happening <3

Oh Seanna and Cal are such bbs lol <333333

OH RIGHT I FORGOT SORA FUCKS SHIT UP IN A GOOD WAY LOL

And here we have the bad scene So for context, last year I lol'd and cringed at the fact that none of my uwu blorbos actually ever killed people. Only unconsciousness for my uwu precious beans! And that aspect of my writing apparently did not change much between 2013 and 2014. We've had mentions of characters knocking out their opponents earlier (such as the Gray and Owl battle shenanigans just a few moments ago), but none like, explicit deaths Until now. Cuz Jay has a gun :DDDDDDDD

Jk he's being super duper fuckin angsty about using it and it's like ma dude! This should not be where the line is drawn! It should not! You either draw it way back before using your magic to potentially fatally wound people (but it's okay bc they won't die in front of him!) or you be okay with using that gun the same way you use your magic and draw your line..... somewhere else idk lol

The lines between magic pew pews and guns is very thin and covered in jellyfish (no i will not apologize for my brain forever being altered by WTNV lol)

Aydan you're very calm in this situation considering Jay literally just got knocked out in front of you lmao

SORA BB <3333333333

Oh poor Cal and Seanna. More Cal bc he's bb and also may or may not have had a crush on Sora. Idk. It just seems the type of thing my romance-obssessed-mildly-trashy-YA-novel-reading ass woulda done lol

Oh Jay you absolute dumbass lmao he just woke up from unconsciousness and his dumb ass is going back out to fight bc he's a DUMBASS

Wow you're all shook up by shooting a random unnamed dude but when it comes to Molly it's all "gotta take care of her before she hurts us" goddamn Jay okay

POOR SEANNA AND CAL DDDDDDDDDDDD:

Oh this is so stupidly cheesy :P

OLIVER <3333333

Fuckin midscene POV shift again AAAAAH

At least Oliver get his happy ending lol

oh poor Owl and Gray :(((( You're right Heron deserved better

Now the important question bc I don't remember and we didn't immediately check in on them: Did I kill off Hayden, Kai, or Remus? Or did i let them have their happy ending for once dammit? We'll hopefully find out soon enough! And if not, I'll count it as a win for them lol

Eepy bbs <3

ehehehe sick fic Jay time again :DDDDDD

Lol i love the implication that Aydan is the reason Jay stopped sleeping with a knife under his pillow. If anything Aydan is the reason there are so many knives under the pillows now XD

You know, I thought there was some aside about Baz going nova long before this, but maybe I missed it in the tipsy drunk haze

Lol grumpy ol' Will <3

lollllll so this was from the original 3rd gen story that has now been scrapped to high hell (mostly due to the Will characterization things mentioned previously)

Oh I had forgotten about that! The fact that it was canon that Liam kinda forced James into coming out to their families!!! That got scrapped so long ago omg Liam: still a pushy dork. but not the kind that pushes his cousin into coming out in front of y'alls entire extended families when he still hasn't admitted it to you/the friend group yet

LMAO WILL SASSING JAY FOR HIS PREVIOUS CHOICES IN PARTNERS

Also fun fact, I think this was the first story I wrote with bi James. Before now he was just straight up gay lol. And now he has joined my crew of bi boys with heterochromatic eyes (him, Alec, and Jake, off the top of my head) (oh and Nymar. I forgot about the non OG characters for a minute XD)

Poor stressy Jay lol Something something zombie conversation lol

FUCKIN MID SCENE POV SHIFT AGAIN AAAAAAH

Oh god they're all so baby here what the fuck. Aydan is like. 17. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Lolllll oh Baz <3

Lol oh the petty high school drama XD

I regret the fact that my glass is so full bc I am very tempted to drain it considering how much cringe I know is coming up bc I'm bad at endings and it's so dragged the fuck out

Okay despite the cringe, I do still love the color of Sora's eyes here (insert do you love the color of the sky here) (omg that just gave me an idea for another character) (nooooooo) (before anybody says anything yes I've had that idea for hair before) (mothafluffin magical hair dye yo) (I don't remember what blog I posted that one on tho) (maybe my main)

TIME SKIPS GALORE HOLY FUCKIN SHIT

It's so fuckin weird seeing Basil so committed to his dad. Like no Bay is a piece of shit and you end up cutting ties with him bc of how shit he is (Basil and his parents are a fun tangent I may go on one day. bc oh lord. Jay gets smacked by both of them for very different reasons lol)

Anyways Lily! is back!! and as adorable as ever even though she's older now!

Side note why the fuck is my cat so zoomy?! lmao

BBS <33333333

*incomprehensible babbling* how the fuck did Lily not notice ever that Aydan was pregnant ffs??????

Anyways bb Alec is bb and I love him <33333333

"Uncle Basil" lmao no that man is your dad nowadays Alec XD

Oh I forgot Katie was a very quiet child. Checks out still considering she takes more after her dad aka the silent watchful type as opposed to her hurricane papa and wildfire mother

Nova trio is such a fun dynamic especially when they become parents <33333333

Lol Alec has his momma's last name nowadays. Makes it easier since no way in hell Jay is using his birth last name, he doesn't have much attachment to Miles, and Baz has about the same levels of attachment to his own

Lol Alec definitely still takes after his papa though XD gotdamn disaster of a child

Hello Ryder! You are Gray's kid nowadays but this was when you were Oliver and Molly's! And I specifically changed their hair/eye colors to make yours genetically possible!

Also fun fact I asked Cyrus whether I should have 2 or 3 kids in this scene and I don't remember what he said but I remember deciding 2.5 kids was the right way to go XD Pity I didn't go 3, then maybe the two youngest coulda had their names figured out a decade ago

(It's just 2 in Nova canon now. 4 in Band AU. And I think those are the only places the kids/4th gen show up nowadays) (other than random AUs lol)

78/83 and we're done with draft 1. Oh lord would i like to finish my glass but alas it is still too full lol

To be fair, I still don't think I can do endings for shit. I haven't ended a project lately enough to know for sure (the only one is Stars. And that one is the only one I know is good lol)

Bc they're funny, here's my notes for the rewrite (written around...... 2017-18 ish?)

You know what. YOU KNOW WHAT. I just reread this. And goddammit there are so many things that I could do to make this better. So idk if I’m gonna do this for nanowrimo this year or continue with the astral chronicles but in case I ever get around to redoing it here are the ideas I have (so I don’t forget lol)

Make Jay and Basil hella more gay. Like HELLA. Maybe even have them date and shit for a while idk

Also amnesiac Jay is a glorious idea XD

More time between James’s death and Jay finding Aydan

Jay taking way more time to gain Aydan’s trust like omg he actually has a normal teenager life and he falls in love with Aydan so when she goes nova he’s like “I’ll fucking protect you with my life dammit”

Oh my god if Jay could sense where Novas were then he would basically track them down and bring them back to Base

Summer and Will only come to Base after they investigate Aydan’s “death” too much

There’s not as much betrayal by Jay because “why didn’t you tell me??” “I had no fucking idea?!?!”

Jay’s sickness is way more prominent like oh man trauma lol

Maybe some poly relationship between Jay Basil and Aydan because Jay loves them both and they’re both like “welp the other person isn’t bad and we love you too so okie”

Oh man make the enemy something more than just a faceless mass lol

Patch notes as of 2024:

Jay and Basil are indeed, hella more gay XD

Amnesiac Jay is in fact, the best fuckin idea i've had for this project

I did add in that more time. It does the job lol

Jay's just oblivious so he falls in love with Aydan without realizing she's a Nova XD

He can sense Novas! It's just very itchy bc I can't let this boy have one good thing other than his relationships XD

Summer and Will and Percy! Sora's got a brother now!

No betrayal at all. Just sadness and resignation and "Why didn't you tell me?" "I only just remembered. Barely."

Jay's sickness has turned into him losing his grip on his place in the fabric of time :DDDDD

HELL YEAH POLY NOVA TRIOOOOOOO

Enemy is now the government. And also Jay's mother XD

Jay picked up smoking from somewhere lol

Novas now have specializations! Jay's is time manipulation, Baz's is sniper shit, Aydan is fire babe :D, Bay is water manip, so on so forth

Alex got added, they're a Nova healer :D

Gray is now for sure a Nova

Heron-Gray-Owl got aged the fuck up

Sora had a name change and also is no longer a part of the org from the beginning

Almaraz was named and subsequently turned from a nuclear power plant into time travel experimentation facility

Jay is more dramatic

Basil is more subdued

Aydan is more nosy

Birds of Prey got added (and Nat's heart got broken by Falcon :3)

Hayden and Remus got deaded for goods :(

That's all I got off the top of my head lol

I'm gonna reread the last 4 pages of rewrite then call it lol

Lollll immediatetly starting out with sick fic Jay, I can't really blame myself tho

Ah yes, back when Boss still knew who Jay was but nobody else did

Heh, asshole Lai is back :D

Lol I was wondering about that. Yeah I basically have two attempts at a start here bc it was very aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Lol Baz is immediately so fuckin gay for Jay <3

Ah yes, the bones of current day Nova are so much clearer here lol

And that's it! 3 days, 53k words, and 2 bottles of wine later, we've finally finished the end of the Nova reread. And good fuckin lord lmao. I'm a gotdamned WIP necromancer lol

Goodnight, don't die, don't get kidnapped, hopefully I'll actually get some more Wrapped prompts done soonish. If not, see y'all in February cuz ain't no way I'm missing my baby (FebruarOC lol)

TTFN!

#writing #shitposting #also #shitposting.#(which is basically my tag specifically for rereading old writing)#nova #ramble ramble

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maaarrryyy · 2 months ago

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uhm hi hello

HI lady, how are you.

Hmmm i think I am okay. I am having a hard time connecting to the person I was a year ago. I want to be her so bad again. I miss her. A lot changed this year in my brain. Are the mountains finally doing their magical work on me?

We are a lot closer to the mountains. I call them mountains but the locals call them flat irons because they aren't as tall as the rockies or the real mountain range that is behind them. I think the park right here is pretty big but i guess if you compare that park to Bear Lake, it is a lot smaller.

Either way, they are doing their work this last half of the year and I feel my brain waves changing. I wish I could say they are getting stronger but they honestly feel weaker and I am pretty sure it is because I am abusing cannabis and it is weakening my psyche. I have to do better because it is effecting my pockets!!

These days, I would rather spend my money on quality live rosin, wax, badder etc, and food rather than clothes. And that is saying a lot because I love shopping lol but now that I have a solid go to wardrobe, it has made dressing every day easier and I still look unique and different without having to buy fast fashion clothes every month.

Tomorrow is already the first day of the last month of the year. SOO crazy lol. I feel like I keep saying it but this year was soooo slow yet so fast. The first half was fun and then after June it was whatever.

This coming year I have intentions of changing my bad habits that grew this year. Mainly the abuse of dabs. I connect it to xxxxxxxxXXX XXX XXX XXXX >>>>??????742511#$@!^** and the fact that akjhfowxxxDDDDDxxXXXXXXxxxxXXX.

Yeah like I would post everything on the internet xD.

ANYwayZZZ,,,

I will do better but I am getting bored of them lmao. They just are kind of high maintenanced and I am getting tired of having the clean the glass. I miss smoking my lil joints <3333333333 one day again we will have our time but rn in this apartment hell naw lol. I already got a noise complaint and honestly people are too high strung because I would understand if it was late but it was only 330 on a Tuesday afternoon.

Other 2025 goals is having less bad thoughts about the people around me. I have been such a grouch since transferring to this store and I need to accept these people and not let them influence so much energy out of me. Like i let them bother me. Why? Do better Mars and truly just f themmmm don't even think about them girly pop just think about the good things coming your way and the things that are already yours. Just do that!!!!!

First day of the month tomorrow. I will do better. I will show up. I will stay consistent. I will do these things for me and future me and JP and those that I love. I show up for them. For the better things that are coming and the things we are working and growing towards. Eeeeekkkk I feel good now that I have let this all out. I can feel the good energy coming in towards me.

Have a great day tomorrow!!! Smoke less ditch and drink A LOT more water. You have what it takes to be a better you. You got this. You deserve this. You are you! You are original. Keep being you! <3

Love you marzbarsz607, muWAAAAGHHHH xoxo

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after-nine-at-the-oasis · 8 months ago

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AAAAHHHHHHHHH TOMMYYY :DD

AWW AYY BABEYS GETTING CREDIT :D

Oope?

Hmm will something suspicious happen

Ope no suspicious of him :o

Nooo Bobby :'(((

AAUOAGH Y'ALL I'M NOT READY FOR THIS 😭😭😭💔🥺😬

I've heard him say this too many times in these past few episodes 😭😭 :(( o.o

AUAAGHHH BOBBY NO

Uh oh o.o

UAHHH OH

FROM HIMSELF O.O 😭??

UAGH YEP PROBABLY

OPE NOPE MAYBE NOT O.O

Idk could be probably both 😭😭😭🥺💔💔😬💔

Anyway UMMM O.O???

AUOGH FIRE EXCUSE ME?? O.O

Y'all I do not deserve this 😭

Guys I'm stressing o.o xD

That was wild y'all o.o episode and promo xd

Well, that's the last of my last thoughts, now it's time for the. . .

REVIEW

I LOVED this episode y'all!! Seeing Bobby's backstory was absolutely HEARTBREAKING my gosh 😭😭💔, and I'm so glad everybody's okay in present day <33. I think the relationship explored between Bobby and Amir was really interesting, and I'm glad it wasn't all just tied in a now at the end. Also the flashbacks and the backstory in general were not at all what I expected and they hurt :'). xd But yeah it was such a good episode.

This'll be pretty short bc. it was just Bobby lol.

Well-

Hen, Eddie, Buck, Chimney, Maddie, and Ravi! Missed you guys :D. I'm sure they were doing great xD. Well everyone's kinda been going through it except Buck but eh you know lol. Anyway, love them all <3.

Athena! Seeing her support Bobby is so sweet :')). They're literally the most supportive couple ever <33. Also her coming in at the end when he was injured :'D. I love them so much <333. Also, I'm glad she helped him find Amir and stuff (pretty sure she did). And that she let him do what he needed to do but still told him what she thought, that he didn't need to and such <3. I love her :')).

Bobby! DUUUUUDE he was so good this episode 😭❤️🥰. His backstory just absolutely killed me 🥺💔😭 xd. Like I said, I did not expect his drinking to go back to childhood, that's just- awful :((. That last shot of him pouring a glass and drinking it broke me 😭😭. Also him trying to save his dad :(((. I didn't register until it switched to the flashback of them taking away his dad (though to be fair Amir had only just said it, but I didn't think of it before he said it either) that he's the one he's always trying to save :'O DD':. Or more literally, the reason he's always trying to save people. That's just heartbreaking 😭😭😭🥺💔. Anyway, I'm so glad they all ended up okay in present day <33. And that Bobby never gave up, on Amir or in general :')). He got them out of there <33. And he definitely has all of those people's trust and respect now lol xdd. Hopefully he doesn't decide to do work down there now as well xD. Not that it's not good stuff to be doing, he just has awful luck and enough of a history there lol. Especially literally a history with the cartels xD. Also, I admire that he's always so compassionate in the fact that he always takes that chance to make amends. He didn't just stop because it was hard, he tracked Amir down (and then tracked him down again to save his life xd). Icon :')). Anyway, he ABSOLUTELY SLAYYYED!!! Ate it up this episode <333, as always 🥰. My boy, my babey <333. I love him so much :D ❤️❤️ <3.

Overall, I really enjoyed this episode! I thought it was great :D. It was stresssfulll though man xD. Again, I'm glad everybody mad either out okay <33. Another layer on that being that I don't think Bobby could have handled losing more people right now, especially Amir :(( (though any time in his case). But everybody's okay :')) 🥰🥰🥰. I'm terrified for the next episode though lol o.o xd. HE BETTER BE OKAY 😭😭😭🥺❤️!!! Anyway, this episode was really well done, with the flashbacks and everything, and their placement. It was so good :)). Just enough heartwrenching with some victories in there xD.

So yeah! I loved this episode, it was amazing. It was cool to see the focus on Bobby, too. I'm excited and terrified for the next episode! This has been my review of. . .

9-1-1, Season 7, Episode 8: Step Nine

It was so good! I'm excited for the next episode, and to see everyone else again, but I'm also terrified for Bobby. I'll be back next week with my review of. . .

9-1-1, Season 7, Episode 9: Ashes, Ashes

See you then!

#9-1-1 #911 #oasis's 9-1-1 chatter #seeing step nine and then episode nine is still kind of funny to me lol #it's just kind of silly (not in a bad way just funny to me) that episode 8 is called step nine xD #anyway lol #911 abc #such a good episode :DD #and I loved the focus (and it was definitely needed for this episode - not to mention properly setting up the stakes for this one; it's not #just a side plot or one of the plots you know lol?) but I'm so excited to see everyone else again :'DD :D 🥰🥰🥰!!!#but yeah :)!#see you tonight :D #I love you all :DDD ❤️❤️❤️❤️!!!!#byeeee :))) 🥰🥰🥰🥰 <333!!!!

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castle-dominion · 2 years ago

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5x17 scared to death

Ok I also really really love this episode & the next one. I need a filler episode gosh! Stop it with the great episodes all in a row!

Just a few secs to midnight my girl has a guitar at least she's calling 911 Tell the operator girl what's "it" how is she talking while breathing? barefoot

*plays the audio* Perlmutter RC: No. Based on the fact she looks like an Edvard Munch painting. Really freaky. Castle smart *esposito shares a look with beckett* Do they call dreamcatchers indian woodchimes? I speak a little bit of cree which is similar to ojibwe (the culture which dreamcatchers are from, though they are also popular with cree & assiniboine). asabikeshiinh or bawaajige nagwaagan.

Like permutter! I heard that

That's what SHE thought Where is ryan? & esposito has a lot of stubble today. Hair is growing out a bit Who is this poor gal? Oh roommate who was just coming home from work

Ooh Ryan is looking great with that red sweater three days RC, saying my thoughts: Three days. That’s how long Val’s roommate said she had been acting strangely. She only bought them recently? Also three ish days? JE: Yeah, because if Val was a victim of anything it was her lousy taste in men

Loved her? really? Becks looks great, & I love those shoulder things I forget what they are called Esposito looks like he is wearing one of my I'm-at-home-today-but-have-scars-I-want-to-cover-up shirts

Yeah, did he leave before the murder RC: Well, I’ll just point out that Val asked him if he believed in the power of evil and then was talking about how it was real. I hate to say it – KB: Then don’t.

RC: A closet with more stilettos than yours. Didn’t think it was possible

Oh no he;s watching the "the ring" video I love it, the editing was nice I love castle XD XD XD (tho I heard "you saw midnight on the third day; you die" not "you saw; you will die midnight on the third day")

esposito unimpressed listening to castle Ryan sitting on the desk all cute

JE: How’s a DVD going to kill you? Is it going to come at you like a ninja star? Cut your head off? RC, dropping his head in annoyance: The actual DVD will not kill me, Esposito. It will be the spirit inside the DVD. Just like in The Ring. KR: Ooh, ooh, the one with the creepy, waterlogged little girl that crawls out of the TV. I didn’t sleep for days after that movie.

KR: Yeah. I mean, because that’s … all it is, right? A legend. KB:

Ryan "thanks bro" *nodding* *realizes she's (not) going to die* WAIT

Ok so the door is glass & you don't close the back blinds?? I wasn't asking for you! *watching her reaction*

Yes because the killer made it creepy but I mean they did well Looks like the thing my uncle had me engrave on wood for him. He's a germanic pagan. & the anch & the illuminati dollar bill eye Question: Would you get killed if you just see a pic of it?

SP: Ah, Detective Beckett. And defective Castle. (I love him so much) "appears" KB: Did she have heart problems? SP: Well, she certainly did once it stopped beating. *rolls his eyes at castle* Well heart failure killed her but what caused the heart failure? RC: (sighs) Checking my bucket list. See how many things I can get done in two days. (he looks up) Can either one of you introduce me to Bill Shatner? SP: does a double take

KR: Finding who sent this disc should make Castle feel a whole lot better. JE: Yeah. But what if the worst happens and Castle’s right? Do you think he put me in his will? KR: Dude. Uncool. JE: What? I’m just wondering. I mean, Castle’s death will be sad and all, but his Ferrari sure would lessen my grief. KR: You do realize that even putting that out in the universe is bad karma. JE: Please. Castle’s not going to die. We’re not dealing with an evil spirit. We’re dealing with a guy who has a return address. (I've seen a clip of this so I don't need to film it)

Only one other person asked? No u need a warrant technically the great beyond (keep thinking unus annus lol)

Ryckett same mug! KR: I’m just saying, maybe the reason we can’t trace the package’s origins is because it was sent from another realm.

INT – JASON BENNETT’S APARTMENT They kick open the door to the apartment and head in with guns drawn. KR: NYPD! RC follows behind JE JE: Hey bro, I just want you to know – (RC: stumbles on something) – just thought you should know that I really value our friendship. RC: Okay. Thanks. JE: It’s priceless to me. He touches Castle’s arm, out of character for Esposito. RC: Great. JE: But if we could put a price on it, what would it be? RC: What are you talking about? JE: I just want to know how much our friendship would be worth if you were, you know – RC pulls on a chain and a light turns on. He startles. RC: Dead! JASON BENNETT is in a chair and he’s the one dead. They rush over and KR checks his body.

Ryan knows how long he's been dead? If there was a power outage it would still be flashing but it would also keep tracking time wait nvm it's midnight, that's why castle says 48 hours & the clock says midnight

JE: That’s cold, bro. RC: Okay, does anyone have a better solution? Because we need one. If not for me, at least for Beckett. KB: (low, with admiration) Castle, that’s so sweet. You want me to outlive you? RC: Of course. Who else is going to tell my tale of sacrifice and selflessness? KB: *The admiration drops from her face*

Like what my mother said. She said that if she dies she wants us to use a photo recently taken of her, professionally taken. Castle legit thinks she wants to put a sexy (or cute sleepy) photo on the murderboard!? KB: *tried to seduce him* RC: (smirks) Well, I might be convinced – whoa, wait a minute. (her saucy look falls) In every horror movie I’ve ever seen - (he looks around) - having sex pretty much guarantees we will die. So for the safety of us both, I say we just … hold off. & she keeps walking into his space XD & he walks into a wall

Bro get some darn sleep! Who are you calling at this hour!? & Wes is just up? WC: Is Stephan King beating you at Texas Hold’em again? Pesky Suckers lol RC: Yes. WC: *rolls eyes* RC: I just thought I’d give you a little friendly competition. Just got a little writer’s block is all.

WC: Friendly competition my ass.

Bedazzlecats39 my beloved

Why is esposito standing over his desk? Yeah gross & creepy *facepalm* this is soo good & everyone is pretty. All of them. He's right! The cused ones should not go to the creepy motel KR: Whoa, you’re volunteering to watch that thing again? ACTUALLY WHAT IF HIS DEATH DATE IS POSTPONED? HE JUST NEEDS TO WATCH THE VIDEO EVERY TWO DAYS FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE unless it's like idk smile dog or smth where u feel suicidal. Maybe watching the dvd every day for the rest of your life will keep pushing back the "u will die in 3 days" death date but the constant watching of it would mess u up psychologically

clipping espt's startle

Yeah he can't remember from '08 not normal? 13? Or not normal as in court stuff Ooh murder mystery NIgel Malloy!

Dead. Castle would still say yes he could still be seeking revenge Love rystle This man is insane & not in the good way KR: Like the killer in those Chucky moves who transferred his spirit into that spooky doll. Second time he's brought those up in the series I'm a cop! Helper

Another person in the court?

Love the rain & castle-style asylum u already did that with the nypd lol Nurse Lockheart: Well let’s hope not! *cheery*

*immediately stand too close to the glass* Man just said he doesn't get visitors Mum: When did he learn her name? I mean, he seems pretty insane tbh, I don't think his appeal will go through. Or maybe he is not insane & he's just trying to be polite to visitors. But then again he might be going insane bc of the situation he is in... how DOES he know that?

RC: And we’re running out of time. So I’m going to scratch off number 27 on my bucket list. (he takes a breath) You remember that uh, blue porcelain vāse you had on your dining room table? KB: Yeah, the one the wind blew over. RC: Yeah, about that. I was playing Wii Tennis in the living room – KB: You broke my vase? RC: Vāse. Veyse is acceptable too. KB: You know what? You can stop worrying about the spirits getting to you because I just might kill you myself. RC: Seriously? You want to spend our last day on Earth fighting? She glares at him and dials her phone. KR: Ryan.

No internet, no email! Missing? He's dead... Oh. Missing from the cemetery... But wait where did att the dirt go? If you dig up a grave the dirt has to go somewhere

KB: Leopold Malloy is behind all of this. *leaves the break room* JE: Yo. Doesn’t look like Leopold has anything to do with this.

three days ago!? This is tonight! (it is 8pm rn) Ryan looked into heller's financials <3 WAIT WHY ARE THESE TWO GOING TO THE CABIN IN THE WOODS? (cottage in the forest, cabin in the woods; forgive me father for I have sinned, sorry daddy I've been naughty)

Stop where? Blessed? Just blessed? Or made it into holy water? Holy water required exorcised & blessed salt as well as exorcised & blessed water. But I wish castle brought all this stuff on the last ghost episode Oh no the phone sucks He doesn't pronounce the end of beckett's name exactly. Can you maybe put your phone by the antenna of your car?

Shia laboeuf The other one is cursed with being charming & funny!

Wow... Bear Man's been drinking Yep show ID With that taxidermy collection this guy Must have a gun RC: Look Mark, if the pattern holds, you’ve got two minutes before – (he pauses) – you know. So let’s talk about this in the car.

RC: Okay, hoo-ha we can be talking about in the –

three birds one stone circuit breakers outside? rly? ghastly? pale? pissed? Don't split up omg

Nice cloak She was chasing the fellow how did she lose them as soon as they went into the CLEARING?

WAIT DID YOU ALL KILL THE PEOPLE & TESTIFY AGAINST THE ONE PERSON TO TAKE THE FALL?

It's a woman!? It is leopold!!? R u saying the truth? Maybe he was the one with the hypnotic hold on nigel & also the nurse YOU dug it up

Woah it's about collier not nigel

There was no sign of struggle so she had the key but what about the couch?

Big bro: going to be hiding in the bear Why is she chatting at him? the 911 operator didn't hear amanda chatting last time

Why would they stand up instead of staying hidden until she came closer? Flashbang? Taser? Over the head with holy water XD

Where were the burns from electrocution?

Only took a year to plan? She did not cozy up to val for the other witnesses, val had no contact with them. Then again a year is a long time

JE, walking in with an evidence bag & a beverage: And she used this to knock them out. *raises his mug to drink* RC: The mug? JE: No, the taser. (he holds out an evidence bag) It’s a modified taser. Emits a disorienting light and amplified voltage.

To suffer the same way he did

Emp? Or that thing where is ryan btw? Oh. That's where he is. KR: I can answer that. Turns out, he was never buried. His body disappeared from the morgue shortly after his death. The police didn’t want to make it known, so they buried an empty coffin. But here’s the odd thing. His body was never found. What is with those exchanges of looks?

It is WAY past midnight now, they had to drive all the way back from the cabin. Poor people there so late.

& now she is wearing different clothes so it is a new day (night) That is the cutest sweetest thing! He SHOULD be serious lmao She mentioned that trick during the magic trick episode (poof youre dead 3x12)

His face goes instantly from anticipation & anxiety to lenny face

that was fun. loved it. I spent the full hour & a half on this one too. The next one is ryan heavy it's the fenton o'connell episode. I need to LEAVE in an hour & a half for work. fricking ew. I don't have time for another full one.

#castle 5x17 #the the ring episode #castle 5x17 quote #castle 5x17 spoilers

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dzpenumbra · 2 years ago

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6/25/23

It got late again, but here I am. I was pulled into streams today, there were very compelling storylines playing out. It was most of the day, actually.

My whole rhythm was just off today, I don't even really know why. I didn't start my day with yoga. I guess it was the RP that did it. I usually do yoga, then maybe put headphones in and listen to a stream while working out, or listen to music, either or. But today... I just didn't. I think I just fired up a game instead, but none of the games I've been playing have been scratching that itch.

After a little bit, I got back to work on my Zen Garden project. As planned, I tried to use wind to separate the sand from the gravel. I brought my box fan down and tried that, but... somehow it wasn't really strong enough. I'm sure if I left it for a few hours it might've had an effect... but it just wasn't really doing it for me. Then I used a handheld air compressor thing that I got to clean my PC, held about 4 feet away, and that thing fucking worked... but it worked too well.

It separated the gravel and the sand very effectively, but it brought a lot of the sand airborne and out of the cardboard box setup that I made. I tried setting up the box vertically, with the dish in the bottom, so the sand would blow out around the sides, but it still sent big puffs of sand out into the air. So... I really don't know how else to do that, I'd really need to basically encase the whole thing in a plastic bag so the sand doesn't escape... but then I can't damn see. It's a shame because what I was doing was very effective, it was separating the sand from the micro gravel really well. There was just a lot of loss and it was making a mess. So... I started going back to water separation.

Basically, I'm taking the sand/microgravel mixture and putting it in a glass cooking dish, adding a small amount of water and just working it until the water is very muddy looking; full of particles. Then carefully dumping the water into a separate container, then repeating the process until the water is as clean as possible. Then, I wait for the muddy water to settle, and separate the clean water from the sand so it can dry. This produces super-fine sand. And, unfortunately... the process isn't perfect. There's still a lot of fine sand left behind with the gravel that just... isn't being picked up for whatever reason. It takes longer and it's more work, but it's a zero-waste solution.

Later in the night, I realized... my sieves are getting here tomorrow. XD At least they're supposed to be. Those are going to be a godsend for sorting gravel by size. I'm just... not sure what sizes I got. I'm afraid they may be more focused on larger sizes. I don't know if any of them are going to be any smaller than a normal kitchen sifter, which is what I've been using. I'm just not sure where else I can find a finer mesh that still lets shit through. I was debating using coffee filters before, but... I think those are going to be too tight a mesh to even let sand particles through. I wanted to get a flour sifter when I got my groceries delivered, I feel like those have to be finer than normal kitchen sifters... but they didn't have any. So yeah, the sieves are going to be great for sorting the gravel in general, but I might have to keep doing this water separation method too. Idk. But I feel like having super-fine sand creates a very different aesthetic, and I like the whole transformative process of getting from cheap all-purpose sand mix to super-fine sand. I like the problem-solving, the troubleshooting, it's very rewarding.

I did end up doing yoga and working out around midnight, right before cooking dinner. Yoga... I kinda just did a few stretches, honestly. The workout was super intense. It was 3 sets of this circuit - 10 sit-ups, 10 sit-up punches, 10 sit-ups, 10 crunch kicks, 10 sit-up punches, 10 crunch kicks. With a 2 minute break between. It was pretty rough. But I made it through it. I can actually feel myself losing weight, like I can feel it in my skin. And more than that, my muscles are getting much stronger. It's a nice feeling. It's only been a bit over 2 weeks. It's been a lot of work, that's no lie, but I'm surprised how much of a difference so little time has made.

And... that was pretty much my day. Troubleshooting sand stuff, watching really good RP, working out, making fried rice.

Oh, and my bean plants are fucking huge. I woke up and all three were fully sprouted in one container, two in the other. And they're all like 4-6" tall. I'm really gonna have to stay ahead of staking them, I don't wanna get caught off guard with this. Gonna have to go gather some big sticks. The tomato seems to be doing okay, it and the pepper plant have flowers which are starting to bloom. :) That tomato plant is so damn big, it's like... at least 3 feet tall now. It just dwarfs every other plant in the apartment. The baby succulents are coming along very nicely, and more and more little buds are starting to pop up and I'm starting to go "oh shit, what did I get myself into..." But I'll figure it out, they can grow in pretty much anything. My Pothos starters though... They're healthy and all, they look fine, they're just... not really growing. I expected them to grow super fast, considering they're very vine-like. But some don't even really seem to be doing anything but moving their leaves around. The ones that have sprouted are just kinda... going slow. I don't really know what else I can do for them, maybe give them some more light? I don't know, maybe I just had the wrong expectations, maybe they aren't a fast-growing plant. It's not the end of the world either way, I just wanna make sure they're doing okay. The Night-Blooming Jasmine is done with its bloom, it shed all its flowers and is now sprouting new branches like fucking crazy. I'm probably going to have to prune it already just to corral the growth a bit, keep it contained. The orchid seems to just be kinda... hibernating, I guess. It's very healthy; the leaves are in great shape, stems are trimmed and fine, roots are healthy. I've just gotta figure out what to do about this distilled water thing, its roots have a kinda chemical burn look to them on the top and I read that's because of using tap water instead of distilled water. So... I have a plan and setup for distilling water, I just haven't really gotten around to it yet. So... all-in-all... the indoor garden is doing great.

Re-telling my nightmare in my journal last night got me really jumpy and anxious. It was tough to get to sleep for a bit because of it. I got there but it was definitely a bit of a battle. It's always really really tough when you're physically exhausted but your mind really doesn't want to go to bed for fear of the dreams you might have. But I'm pretty sure it was totally okay, and I don't remember having bad dreams, so it worked out.

Okay, enough rambling, I want to do tarot. I actually want to get a tiny bit of ice cream too. It's been super hot today, for some reason, and I just had a craving. I'm just gonna do one scoop instead of the 3 I used to do every night. I'm gonna actually put it in writing that this is not going to be a habit, just a "getting through a tough time on a hot day" thing. Then tarot right after.

Past - Ten of Cups, inverted (Settling down, well-being, a happy family, simple pleasures. Harmony and joy shared with loved ones.) Present - Knight of Swords, inverted (Clarity from confusion. Rugged, fierce, determined, logical. Deliverer of answers, but frank to a fault.) Future - IV: The Emperor, inverted (A powerful, dominant, strategic and protective figure of great influence and reach. Symbolically, important changes, a shift in power, new responsibilities or authority. Adjacently symbolizes stability.)

Aww. -_- Inverted Ten of Cups is such a sad card. And it's where we're starting. Ten of Cups is the happy ending, the wife and the kid and the house with the picket fence, running off into the sunset. Inversion here being... I don't know. A missed opportunity? Or something that got (or is getting) in the way?

This is connected to inverted Knight of Swords. I'm honestly not entirely sure. I know I've gotten this before... I know Queen and King of Swords, but for some reason I'm struggling with Page and Knight of Swords. Okay, I looked it up to clarify for myself, which... ironically... is the answer. Knight of Swords is clarity. I want to sorta come up with simple associations to get the gist, but I fear simplifying the symbols too much. As a start, let's try... Page = epiphany, encountering the truth, Knight = clarity, delivering the truth, Queen = facing truth (on both sides), King = living with the truth, leading by example. Again, these symbols are not that simple - as personalities are not as simple as one word - but it's a start to remember them. This Knight is also inverted, so... same deal, something preventing this symbol from manifesting.

And to round out the trio, we have inverted Emperor. A symbol of planning, structure, expansion. Or it can represent a man of great power and reach. I don't often consider cards representing other people much, which I really need to change a bit. Very few people are as isolated as me and can just assume that the cards represent aspects of themselves rather than people around them. With Emperor inverted, we can see the dark sides of conquest, or a bad influence of rulers.

Yeah, so... about that whole "cards representing other people in your life" thing. That can apply to a lot. Some cards are pretty clearly representing... events or moments... or forces of nature... but others are pretty clearly representing personalities. Like... The Tower is clearly not a person; Wheel of Fortune, Three of Wands and Ace of Cups are clearly not people. But the face cards can very clearly represent personality types. The Emperor and Knight of Swords I would definitely include in that.

So, on to connecting the dots here. What got in the way of my happy ending? Was there ever one in the works, honestly? I've had like 2 real relationships... and one was about 6 whole months and she really wasn't that into me and abandoned me twice when I had a fucking blood clot in my shit. The other took my savings, lived in my house without paying rent for 2 years, rented another apartment in the same town while living with me, put us on a "break" to sleep with someone and still to this day never admitted it, and started hooking up with a coworker less than 2 weeks after our 3 year relationship ended. So... if there really was potential for a happy ending with either of those two people? I'm just not seeing it. So... what is getting in-between me and my happy ending? The cards say... --- Oh, before I go further, Ten of Cups isn't just about a romantic ending. It's also just... harmony with loved ones in general. Just putting that in there. --- A blockage between me and this Knight of Swords character. Having clarity, seeing the truth of it all, and being able to act on it all. Which, admittedly is absolutely a problem for me. I often feel naïve, and I let my desire to "be a good guy" overpower my awareness of what's going on around me, and prevent me from getting out of difficult social situations. Now... I don't trust myself enough to be able to discern whether a relationship is toxic or not. I mean... my last "date" was a very recently divorced mother of two who told me she had herpes and recently got out of the psych ward of a hospital (she said for drinking and fighting with her then husband and he didn't feel safe? So he got her sent up?) and she thought a nice first "date" would be to come over to my house and bring 2 full goat skeletons worth of bones for me, because I said on my profile that I was "interested in getting into stone, wood and bone carving". And I didn't screen out any of that. I'd say... the Knight of Swords would be able to see the red flags there, yeah? That's the best I can figure out there. And this somehow results in... what... having a strong domineering presence in my life that's super controlling, possessive and unstable? I mean... that checks out, right?

I'm super tired. This is the best I have for right now. Oooo the bonus placeholder card is a new one, so I wanna do that real quick.

Bonus - Seven of Cups (Wishful thinking, fantasy. Letting imagination run wild, disregarding key facts.)

I kinda feel like I'm kinda there right now. Like I'm not reading this spread accurately, like it's kinda forced and it's getting super late. So... fuck it. Learning the cards is the most important part of this process right now.

(Rare post-proofreading add-on) Huh. I was really tired and just kinda... dipped out at the end there. And was feeling kinda trauma-reliving self-sabotage-y... And I completely overlooked how the Seven of Cups was... well it's kinda... exactly what I was saying, isn't it? XD Just... disregarding warning signs and idealizing. Which is what I was saying was the exact problem in past relationships, and what my connection with the Knight of Swords would ideally prevent? I just thought that was interesting, I was nodding off so I completely missed it. Alright, off to bed.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

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