#// hi yes i wanna die but brain say NO to sleep ig

[archedsmile]

i am awake , but at what cost

[phoneismybf]

TharnType The Series Ep. 9 Review

#TharnTypeEp9 #TharnType #TharnTypeS #TharnTypetheseries #MewGulf

Why it is supposed to be Tharn who got hit? I don't understand, is it because of the promise he made about never forget what they were said last night or what? If that so, it means Type don't believe Tharn yet, meung maeng... (usually in the book there will be any explanation about his emotion, yet I don't read them yet) Type, you saw it clearly that the one who tried to kiss first was P'San, you just got the bite from P'San.

P'San.... He is such a drama king. What do you want? Tharn still defending Type... (Proud of the hubby)

YESSSSS, FINALLY HE SAID IT. YESSS HE IS YOUR. SAID IT SO HE CAN MOVE AWAY... 3 TIMES CLRAFICATION, STILL NOT ENOUGH P'SAN? What? What is this? Tharn... What did you two plan for Type? Bad..... "Yes, I belong to you" Tharn. That smile for something you hide or the smile of satisfaction, Ai Tharn?

Watch TharnType Ep. 9 Engsub

Damn..... A PLOT TWIST. You such a helper.... I'm sorry P'San but your attitude in the previous episode show us bad feeling about you. Phom khot khot na... Yes everything that P'San said was right but he doesn't know Type, right? We understand that Type won't declare his relationship, yet P'San force him to do it, good also bad thing. You played with others' feeling. P'San care so much about Tharn and we knew that Tharn always cover everything for Type. But do you know that P'San actually very satisfy with Type? You can see it when P'San smiles after went out from the room. A thing he found is Type's possessiveness prove his feeling toward Tharn and will never break up with him. And it is added by Type himself when he said anything about what he got from this situation.

"I hate it when he won't just leave you alone." P'Sarn care so much at him na, he is worried for Tharn happiness.

"I hate when he acts as if he knows everything about you." He knew almost everything Type, they already knew each other for years moreover he is his brother best friend, P'Thorn might be explained everything about Tharn to him already.

"Hate that you are his first love." It cannot be changed, and yes it is deeply hurt but no one can change the past.

He such adorable big baby... This scene makes me cry for happiness, proud and love to both of them. Look at Type's madness face and look at Tharn's happiness and satisfy smile. Those are getting cuter...

Now he considers about Tharn's feeling and more concern to declare his relationship. Tharn still doesn't want to force him. Why is Tharn so perfect? Too perfect to be real in a person. Tharn's smiles are really precious to me, you give everyone happiness ja....

I got some fact about P'San from the original subber account JayBL on Twitter. We and Tharn knew that P'Sarn love Tharn so much but it didn't work because Tharn doesn't have any feeling toward P'Sarn since the beginning. The reason why Tharn gave him in was because his curiosity about his sexual interest and to prove it, he agreed to have S with P'Sarn to make sure his feeling toward man. Besides, Tharn said he likes the role between Him and Type which mean as a Top. This is also another reason for Tharn to refuse P'Sarn who is also a Top. Top with Top, may be they only will do a sword fight (?) Sorry....

Another fact, P'Sarn said "Tharn has suffered enough heartbreak, don't make him experience it again". Tharn actually had a lot of ex-es, yet Tharn was the one who never say break up. So yes he suffered enough in relationship. Sacrificing his own feeling to let his lover go. Once again, I'll say we are the same. So glad that you found the one now.

Yes, last time he was crying all night long at the Bar Ai Type. You such a j*rk back then. "Friend who is more just a friend. I just want to let people know that you're mine" Type. I'm proud na Type. Lucky you Ai Tharn.

"BTW, the toilet is pretty empty. You can get busy in there." P'Jeed. LMAO don't read someone's mind P'Jeed. That expression Tharn make. How cute he is...

So, she is the girl who always give Tharn drink after his performance. P'Gea, don't be so aggressive by giving Type your number. Ai Type what's that mean with "is talking all you want to do?". Talking like this at the front of Tharn's face, well better than behind. It is not funny Ai Type to get him Jealous, your game isn't fun at all.

Oh my god, not in public bro... No.... I don't understand this situation. What's the perpose of it, what's the point? Yes, you provoking him Ai Type so what do you want? Ohh my.... It just about cheating. You had talk right? How can one of you do such a thing. If you want to make sure, don't be like this. Just talk again in a good way. WHAT THE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Do you need to kick him like that? He is your bf, do you need to always hurt him? Man.... (Sigh)

Tharn: possesive?

Type: wanna die?

Hahahahahaha...... Both of you are ridiculous. Sad, Champ lose his friendship with those girl. May I blame at you, Type? So innocence, it was one of your fault too. Yes, I hate this kind of person too Champ, someone who never show up in class but can be so smart beside we had tried so hard to be smart. Is Type has B or AB blood type? These people can't be predicted how smart they are. "because right now, that person is already falling head over heels for me" Type, fact is true but surely you full of yourself.

Stop by to switch the car, what is the purpose of it? Can't you just use your regular car? Not acceptable reason. Sawaddi khrap P'Thorn, yes you look intimidating. Lolaen... P'Thorn following Type's IG? How come Type doesn't know? And he is such a real stalker, unbelievable with that look of him. Thanya.... Hahahah you guys can't do talking freely. Yes YOU DID A GOOD JOB! HAHAHA my god she is cute for calling their parents. Such an innocence girl. Welcome trouble, man... Behave. You'll meet your father & mother in laws. No, khun dad, Tharn always comfort him every day and night, regularly please him. Lmao. Yes, family trip to Pang-an so you guys can get married sooner. Lol. Poor P'Thorn, I can feel that pain. Jebb at the feet also at the heart. Wrong target for kicking Ai Type. Hahaha such a supportive big bro, I feel more bad for Thorn. Yes of course khun mom, Type KNEW P'SARN who always play games with P'Thorn and Play other "thing" with Tharn back then. Thanya such a little angel, they can't refuse you na... Type's face always show his emotions, being so much fooled in a day. HAHAHA

Morning kiss, "you said you wanted it" Type. You should ask for morning S, Ai Tharn. You can have his morning b*ner right now. Lol

Chai.... You know him a lot now, Ai Type. Euuu, Techno needs to find any information about you two by himself because you never tell him any small clues. He changed a lot Techno, he care and more care to his hubby. Always be a third-wheel, you will get used to it even I never used to it since the 1st episode. Lol. Ai Lhong, bad impression at the frist meeting. The newbie Nong Song is kind of cute, his way of speaking, those tones, adorable....

Okay, Tharn, we see your charismatic aura. Yup, such a cool guy playing a drum like that, everyone always fall to people who can play instruments especially in a band. Don't sing by yourself like that Ai Tharn, you give me a goosebump. Euuu that is for Type but you send the effect to us as well. Again, such a perfect man.

They letting No to sleep over? Seriously? I hope there will be nothing happen. I can't imagine if No see something he shouldn't see. Wify.... Okay Tharn.... Texhno is sleep talking, how cute. Lol. "Tharn, I'm curious, your face when you were playing is looked so goddamn sexy" Type, I never thought Type would say such a thing but yup he was hot. "For me music is like sex that gives me a climatic pleasure" Tharn, bro it is kind of deep but still can't imagine the climatic pleasure when playing a music, different point of view, may be I can't understand it because I'm not a musician but sometime when hearing a song I can get the climatic part of the emotions but not the same as the sex you were talking about. "You are my most cherished instrument" Tharn, Type as an instrument what kind of sound he can make? Owhhhh......... I know, don't say that it is "THE SCREAM" hahahahaha they didn't use "moaning", I think it is more sensual so they never use this word. Lol. WOW, I NEVER EXPECT IT WILL COME LIKE THIS AND NEVER THINK THAT TYPE WILL LOOK SO HORNY LIKE THAT. NO... DON'T... I'M NOT READY BROO.... Those moaning give me more goosebumps. NOOOO THEY TAKE OFF THE CLOTHES.... F*CK I FORGET THAT TECHNO IS THERE, BLESS HIS EYES, EARS AND PLEASE STRENGTHEN HIS HEART TO FACE THIS SITUATION (No, do you want to switch? I would like to see them. Lol) Now someone's know how dose the scream sound like. Feel bad for him.

"I can't wake up, I feel like my head is going to explode" Texhno, his brain stop working since last night Ai Type, he tried to refuse anything, any sound, any picture he got, he just tired to his limit. Poor him..... Remember Ai No, this time you will absolutely die if you spill this special tea. Lol.

Why suddenly Tum skip a class to pick up Tar? They are cute together.

Tharn trying to make a permission to tell Long about their relationship. Well, Type more reasonable now. This strange feeling come out from Long. What is this? I already felt it since I saw him at the first time. Those eyes, that look, I feel a mixing emotions. I suspect him that he likes Tharn or something like possessing him. The feeling of disappointed, being untrusted and unbelieving. There are two speculations I have here, first he likes Tharn and thought that he was single all the time so he can clingy at him. Second, he disappointed because as a best friend Tharn never tell him anything recently so he feels like being untrusted. Well, losing strength until he falls the glass, it is kind of strange attitude for hearing the news. That is why I accuse him to like Tharn. (Private property bro, you need to pay for the glass. Lmao) Sorry it's just my speculation. Then he went like he can't accept what he heard before. This guy keeps something.

Nong Song, if you want to have a faen so much, I don't mind to try it since you're cute. lol. Oww they finally meet and Tar missing Tharn, it will be an open case since their story keep untold.

"Hurry up and be my pillow" Type. I need my pillow too. There is a call from the unknown number. What is this? What will happen? Please don't give us more trial. My God. This series always end every episode with something that cannot be waited. (Sigh)

That is the review for TharnType Ep. 9. How is your opinion? There are so much to discuss, start from P'Sarn, change character of Type, Techno, Lhong and so much more. You can leave a comment below. So, see you next time.

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 4 - The Poisoned Chalice

- god fucking dammit here we go again, i'm bloody done with my life and do not, at all, want to see merlin die bc i don't remember anything except that, yeah, he dies and someone has to get off their ass and save the motherfucking day and kiss him

- i realise how much i swear in these posts bc 1. when do i not? 2. i'm emotionally invested 3. i have no other excuse i just like swearing

- AAAND NIMUEHS IN CAMELOT SHE THINKS SHE'S SO SLY WITH HER HEAD THING

- id recognise her in a split second tbfh, she aint subtle

- *heterosexual tension*

- merlins skin be looking so smooth this episode, this boy be wearing lots of Dove

- he looked so excited to be in the banquet, then arthur just fucking slashes him with “not quite” and his hopes and dreams are destroyed

- “wanna see what you’ll be wearing tonight?” arthur says as he's behind the fucking changing curtains, about to get undressed and show merlin his birthday suit

- i honest to god thought that was where he was going, but no, he was just getting something from behind it

- “tonight you’ll be wearing the official ceremonial robes of the servants of camelot” IT'S A FUCKING DRESS ISN'T IT

- aw damn id have preferred a dress

- that smile shared between them was the most adorable scene

- god

- i

- fucking

- love

- their

- smiles 

- sm

- best thing ive ever seen

- i mean… hunty look at that piece of glistening butter beauty

- wow ok back to the episode:

- bros being bros and giving each other a handshake to destroy the mortal enemy pack and put together a family, we stan.

- as if a servant who has only had eye sex with another servant ONCE would trust them enough to say that one of the chalices were poisoned. like??? “ur the only one i could tell” LMAO NO?

- she's a sly fucking dog tfbh

- “if he kills arthur, uthers soul will be broken and camelot will fall” at this rate uther prob wouldn't care if his son dies or not, look at him, he's already mentally broken. he has anxiety and paranoia over magic. child services where u at in the medieval ages?

- i wouldn't believe a word she said, or well, id have believed it was poisoned but id say yeah no damn way you aren't in on it if you know which one it is. bayard wouldn't tell a fucking servant.

- HE'S GONNA SNAP ISN'T HE

- MERLIN FUCKING SNAPPED

- yknow what we say here folks? U DO U MERLIN

- okay i was fine if uther made bayard drink it but like the moment uther said “mmmh… no.” and slowly turned to merlin i think my arteries just crunched together and died so

- “if it is poisoned, he’ll die” HE'S FUCKING SCARED MERLIN WILL PASS AWAY ISN'T HE?

- “it's fine” he says, then starts to fucking choke

- ah fuck he's down

- my boy is down

- FUCK ME SIDEWAYS WITH A CHAINSAW

- ARTHUR CROUCHES NEXT TO HIM LIKE “BB NO”

- lmfao bayard looks so shocked, his face is in disbelief and confusion, he's like who tf done me bad

- arthurs carrying merlin fireman style this is what i live for folks

- did like nobody notice the flower stuck on the inside of the cup? like honestly if you take a sip you’d kinda spot it or perhaps even the person pouring the drinks would have been “is this chamomile tea? no? then what the fuckery-doo is this leaf in here for?” yknow. it's like that scene in Matilda when the angry buff lady completely missed a fucking salamander in her cup when it was the size of her bloody hand. it brings out the same mood honestly

- does gaius have an index for these books or does he just have every page memorised and know exactly what page to go bc I FUCKING NEED THAT it would make bio so much easier if i knew what page it was on instead of looking back and forth from the homework sheet to my textbook, then closing it by accident and having to find the index again for that specific page i need

- arthur wants to fucking go on a life-or-death journey to save merlin i've never been so happy

- this is honestly my favourite episode, like it may be really fucking angsty but i love it so much

- arthur betrays his dad and leaves his room even after being told not to just so he can save a servants life is literally my new moto

- NO IT WON'T LOAD MY NETFLIX IS STUCK ON 99%

- okay so while i'm waiting for my shit to load, i just discovered the new fucking tumblr rule starting dec 17 and i'm like 0.2 inches away from just spamming NSFW pics on here just for laughs

- like hunty, that won't stop people from posting elsewhere or for thinking about sex bc like??? whatchu gonna do tumblr?? get the fbi to erase it from our minds

- i think nOT thot

- watch me get flagged for just using the fucking term “NSFW”

- i'm gonna end up asterisking everything (is asterisking a word? wow it has red under it so like probably not but i just added it to my dictionary so uhh it is now)

- by asterisking i dont mean furry kin shit ew no

- i mean like N*FW, s*x, t*mblr, m*rthur

- god it took me like 20 minutes to calibrate my fucking wifi and fix the connection problem

- wow the stage for the poison increased by 75% in 30 mins, damn

- merlins like like having a conniption on his bed lmao, chanting arthurs name and sweating lot

- do we ever find out how uther gets that scar bc i'm like 100% positive arthur was a little child and swayed his fucking sword too hard just as uther rounded the corner. the sword then collided into his fucking brain and destroyed a good part of his intelligence, targeting especially his morals on how to accept people and how to be a good father

- that’s my theory

- merlin starts talking enchantments in his sleep while gwens watching, and gaius is just there like wtf merlin ur blowing ur cover “oh! gwen!! uhhh sorry. he’s just... in a latin study group in his pastime and has an oral presentation in minutes”

- omg, nimueh, stfu

- i didn't know dinosaurs existed back then, this reptile be whack

- y’know what's funny? ppl thinking dinosaurs didn’t exist. i find creationism very very very intriguing bc how fucking stupid could you be

- that sword throw was faker than my moms tits

- arthur could have done better

- k but like what if merlin’s hand wasn’t under the covers? like he was just throwing that blue ball around right in front of gwen

- can arthur like not hear her? nimuehs literally enchanting the rocks right behind his ear lobes and arthur acts nothing of it until those said rocks collapse and he gasps and suddenly he realises shes evil

- also his fucking hair in this scene looks glorious. perhaps bc it's pushed back rather than his bowl cut, but its doing things to my abdomen

- i thought for a second she was pulling off her mask to say “nimueh” and arthur was gasping bc he only recognised her after her hair was shown, just like in that scene with joker and harvey in the hospital

- OH RIGHT THE SPIDERS I LIKE COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THOSE SONS OF A GUNS

- i’d be dead if those spiders came crawling up to eat me lmfao

- k so nimueh went from :) to >:D in half a second

- i'm smelling up those symbolisms, boys

- watch out pals cause here are some of them:

- merlin is the LIGHT of arthur’s life

- he LIGHTS up the party

- he gives arthur a BRIGHTER future

- he's the GUIDE for his path

- hahhahahaha

- i'm serious when i say i have a huge fear of insects (spiders count in that too, no discrimination) so i'm just putting that there, saying to yall id be fucking terrified

- gaius would be so confused, like we don't see his face here but merlins close-up sweaty concentrated frown, but he’s literally just screaming “ARTHUR!!” “FASTERRR!!” “YESS!!” “CLIMB!!!” gaius would be looking like he walked into something he wasn't supposed to. prob thinking he should just let the kid die so he doesn’t have to deal with this shit anymore

- UTHER LOCKED HIS SON AWAY I'M FUCKING QUESTIONING HIS PARENTING SKILLS

- that's grounding???? throwing ur child in prison???

- yes 999 can i have child services on his ass

- gwens so smart honestly i love her

- pretending to be a maiden for the food, god what a queen

- arthur buying it and saying “yuck you say this is food?! disgustang!”

- the fact that i misspelled disgusting but it autocorrected to disgustang (which is originally what i wanted but autocorrect shouldn’t have known) makes me consider if i should really check my dictionary…. who knows what words are on there

- they’re so smart

- and then this fucker ruins it all while eating his food, checking her out and saying yeah arthurs a prick, hyuck hyuck, realising only that wait fuck u aint the maiden

- how’d they know GWEN was the one not supposed to have delivered the food, what if it was that chick right there???

- welll….. maybe it's because gwen took her sweet time up those steps, staring as if she couldn’t blink at the guards below

- i forget what happens at the end of this episode besides the kiss, and there's like 9 minutes left my fingers may rot at this point

- wake him up! wake him up!

- OH WAIT HE DOESN'T FUCKING WAKE UP DOES HE AND EVERYONE PANICS

- YEAH OKAY I'M SEEING THAT NOW

- MERLIN STOPPED BREATHING

- LMAO GWEN IS IN TEARS

- “HE'S DEAD” SHE SAYS

- ARTHUR BB COME IN HERE TO KISS UR HUBBY ALIVE

- OH WAIT UR IN FUCKING PRISON

- WAIT UP, HE'S ALIVE AND SHE KISSES HIM AFTERWARDS????

- FUCK ME I THOUGHT FOR THE WHOLE EPISODE THE KISS HAPPENED BC HE COULDN'T WAKE UP THAT'S FUCKING WITH ME I DIDN'T KNOW

- i keep forgetting to switch up the cap locks, sorry if it seems im screaming im legit using my inside voice for most of the time just emphasizing my words a little more

- goddamn, everytime they say mercia i just think of “murica”, like those americans on the 7th of july or whatever date the “we love our country” day is, chanting it as they throw around beers and fireworks as people gather round in jerseys or crop tops

- it's not that hard to spot the european on here

- the most celebrated holiday here which contains a lot of beers and big pub gatherings (besides every fucking night honestly) is either new years, lowkey stereotypically correct saint patricks, and ig easter monday but that's more for the kiddos

- i mean ofc christmas and all that shit but im not the most devoted christian, i just like presents and small gatherings among good friends

- wow okay it wasn't the 7th of july

- i mean at first i looked up “USA day” (i couldn’t remember the name) and it popped up today’s date, and i was like no thats not it at all. dec?? its in like july i think. and i was close! it was july 4th.

- uther damn knows it's nimueh!!!

- i mean, he just overheard morgana and arthur talk about it, and initiated himself into a convo about it once morgana left, as his sneaky ass just slithered up like “hey man, u know that woman? yeah uhh, what she say? anything about me? no? k i know who it is tho”

- i thought he was going to apologize or like explain to arthur what's the sitch, but he just waits for five whole seconds before saying. “those who practice magic know only evil. they despise and seek to destroy goodness wherever they find it.”

- arthur, confused: sounds as if you know her

- uther, walking away: i do

- arthur:

- wow k lots of fucking quotes here cause it's the merthur reunion

- get ready babs

- arthur: still alive then?

- merlin: oh yes, just about… i understand i have you to thank for that

- arthur, leaning on the chair merlin is sitting in, stifling a smile: ah it's nothing, a half-decent servant is hard to come by. i was only dropping by to make sure you’re alright… i.... expect you to be back to work tomorrow

- merlin, watching arthur as he slightly walks away having embarrassed himself: arthur... thank you

- arthur, slowly: you too

- they stare for like 5 whole seconds

- arthur, uncomfortable: well… get some rest

- there we go folks: my eulogy.

- hope someone reads it at my funeral

[daz4i]

you should give us your uhh mchanzo headcanons 👀

great idea buddy ;0 

this ended up. really long. and also more of like a plot fic rather than hcs bc i suck at actual hcs (idk who hogs the blanket! whoever feels like ig??!) but i hope you like it anyway

mmmm i don’t see them like, both joining overwatch and then meeting there with like genji introducing hanzo awkwardly like all fics do, but i like going with the idea that involves that one OWL spray with sombra and zarya where all these 4 peeps are mostly chilling together, kinda neutral abt whatever’s going on rn, not in overwatch neither in talon (or vishkar. or whatever other oragnizations there are), just doing their thing

and now with this introduction i’ll start with the actual mchanzo:

i wanna say. they met at a bar. in. the us. maybe. or anywhere else. maybe castillo (bc we know mccree was at the bar there)? but not in hanamura or santa fe. 

i’d like to think that when they met mccree instantly recognized hanzo (i bet genji showed him pics before, yknow? or like even with a short research mccree probably found what hanzo looks like before), or at least felt like he’s familiar for some reason until he said his name/got hit with sudden realization. on the other hand, hanzo didn’t know who mccree was, bc why would he (unless he saw like, wanted posters with his face and then that’s all he could recognize him as)

i don’t wanna go with the “OOOOOH MCCREE IMMEDIATELY HATES HANZO OOOOOH ANGST OOOOOOH” vibe bc let’s say mccree and genji are still in touch and he knows genji forgave him. yeah let’s go with that. so when he recognizes hanzo he tries to remain neutral, tho he for sure has SOME hostility towards him at first

then he sees hanzo is just this walking disaster atm (like he walks up the bar, orders a bottle of their cheapest drink and chugs it all in less than 5 minutes) and he’s like “ohhhhh i can’t not fuck him”

he approaches him like “well i’d buy you a drink but i don’t think you need one at this point” and hanzo’s like “holy shit that’s a cowboy in the year 2076, wtf”

they don’t fuck obvs but they talk until hanzo gets really shitfaced and mccree helps him not die on his way back to wherever he’s staying

he stays with him and excuses it as “i wanna make sure his hangover doesn’t kill him.... yeah i’m just.... taking care of this dude....” 

he finds out hanzo doesn’t really have a hangover when he wakes up or rather that he’s lowkey used to it enough that he can just go on with his life easier than one would expect 

but now he has to explain to hanzo why he’s there in his. room? i wanna say room. hotel room. yeah let’s go with that

“well i was helping you get back here last night bc you were really drunk and i was scared you’d die and i’m still here to make sure you’re not dead by morning hahaha yeah. anyway my name’s jesse how are you” 

and hanzo’s immediately lowkey alarmed bc,,, why didn’t this strange man ask for his name. unless he knew it. o shit is that an assassin? so he asks, “are you an assassin?” and mccree’s like “nah man if i were i’d have killed you by now, why would i wait for when you’re awake and sober and not take advantage of your drunkness/sleep?” and hanzo sighs bc yeah that makes sense. why are you still here tho?

mccree just ignores the question and asks him if he wants to get breakfast together. and hanzo has nothing to lose so he says yes. 

they’re both extremely gross which just makes mccree go “OOOOOH I CAN’T NOT FUCK HIM” even more and hanzo mostly just feels lowkey safer than he has in awhile bc wow, he hasn’t had proper company in so long, this is actually nice even if this man is just Really weird

it’s kinda awkward when they finish bc they both want to stay in each other’s company and also both of them don’t really have much of a thing they need to do today, so they kinda just. go on a walk? and it’s quiet for a bit, but then hanzo asks mccree how he knew his name and mccree has to tell him he knows genji and well, how he knows genji (bc what’s the point in lying and bullshitting smth like “i heard about your family on the news” or some shit)

it gets even more awkward after this but they keep walking and then hanzo asks a bit more abt genji and how he was in the time mccree knew him

the convo flows better after it and drifts into other subjects, and jokes, and mccree makes hanzo laugh at some point and it’s so cute he goes “holy shit” and hanzo feels warmer than he has in awhile..... but on the inside. and it’s nice

they spend the entire day together and then mccree gets like, a notif abt a criminal he could catch and suggests hanzo joins him in finding them n all ((idk how bounty hunting works)) and he says yes bc eh it’s not like he has anything better to do

they catch the person and split the money they get but the real money? is the friendship they made along the way 

they found out they work kinda great together and mccree tells hanzo that while it’s not as good as money as killing people (i assume??), it’s less dangerous so maybe like, he should join him in this. for like, awhile. to see if maybe it feels more fulfilling. and also bc he likes having his comapny

and hanzo is no fool and by now he realized that this man is into him and that also he’s kinda into him as well? so with a spur of gayness he agrees, and it works great

so after a few weeks of this - kinda traveling the world, catching criminals, getting paid - hanzo drops the bomb. “i know you like me” “like you? we’re almost 40″ “you got a better word to describe this?” “...no, i like you”

smorch (take this to whatever rating you want)

and now they’re a couple

fast forward a few months, mccree gets another message (like, other than the recall) asking him to join overwatch again. a bit more personal and a bit more “we think you’d do great with the new members, you should come back, be a hero” 

he asks hanzo what he thinks and hanzo panics bc,, does that mean he’ll leave him? but nah, mccree just takes him with him

at first people are lowkey shocked, esp genji bc “wtf hanzo i asked you to join months ago and you only do when your boyfriend asks you? smh”

so they’re in ovw now, all’s good for awhile, then they have a mission and... hanzo doesn’t come back from it

mccree fucking loses his shit, wtf, where’s hanzo?

the other teammates say they haven’t seen him but it’s not like his body was found in the area either? 

they realize talon probably took him? damn bastards

they manage (with a lot of goading from mccree) to find a talon base not far from where the mission was and indeed, hanzo is there, not quite held captive but also not cooperating (talon just Really want him to join, yknow?)

blah blah blah, they save him and make sure talon haven’t messed with his brain in any way when he gets back, but also put him in some sort of quarantine for awhile Just In Case 

it sucks but like, at least mccree can talk to him this way, so he spends most days near where hanzo’s kept talking to him and making sure he doesn’t feel alone (i assume they talked abt hanzo’s time alone so he knows it like. made him feel bad and unsafe. and he wants to help him avoid being in a situation like this again)

after what they deem as enough time, hanzo’s out of the quarantine, they smorch again, all is good

they never get married or like, have kids bc they’re both way too paranoid for that, but they still love each other and enjoy each other’s company a lot and they work great together both as teammates and as a couple

i’d go with hcs like “who cooks better” n all but i honestly don’t know how to pick those. so instead i gave you plot. i’m sorry. i hope you still enjoy this

[plaidstiel-wormstache]

The Nightmare pt1

AN: This is for my 1500 Follower and Halloween Challenge A two parter. Both prompts are in the second half. I wanna be fully upfront now and say I’ve taken both quotes from two wonderful ladies that had to drop out of my challenge for reasons. And I stole one of the monsters as well. Word Count: 3485 Prompts: “Don’t be afraid, YN. We’ll slow this down together. Feel my chest. Feel it moving in and out. Breathe like me. Breathe like me. Come on.” -Signs “Which would be worse - to live like a monster? Or to die as a good man?” -Shutter Island Monsters: Baku & Human Serial Killer Warnings: Horror elements, supernatural violence, maybe a little fluff, nightmares. More vivid warnings are in the tags (if you must). This is UNEDITED and unbeta’d - I apologise in advance! Characters: YN (reader), Dean and Sam, with a few OC’s and mentions along the way.

My feet smacked hard against the pavement. I gulped for air. My heart hammered in my chest, pumping adrenaline around and around my body. “Not fast enough!” The voice sounded from close behind me. I screamed, a blood-curdling noise that erupted from deeper than I knew possible. I ran faster, passing shop after shop. Lights on, shutters down, closed signs swinging. Why were all these stores closed? I reached out and caught myself on a sign-pole, propelling myself around the corner. There, at the end of the row, a restaurant. Open. “Help! Fire!” I screamed, hoping to gain anyone’s attention. The breath on the back of my neck made my whole body jerk forward. An uncontrollable shiver ran down my spine. I was so close, but so was he. I sprinted harder, willing myself to go faster. I burst through the door. Finally safe. “Help me!” I pleaded. I’d startled the man with the broom, but he straightened, walking towards me, arms outstretched, trying to hold my shoulders, calm me. “He’s coming!” I warned, fighting him to get back, away from the glass. If I stayed here he’d see me. He’d come for me. “Help me!” I screamed again. The man finally opened his mouth, “I’ve been waiting.”

I sat bolt upright, waking with a start. Sweat soaked my pajama shirt and the couch beneath me, while my heart hammered in my chest. “You okay?” Sam questioned from above me, his hands in the air, showing no harm. He was wearing his running gear and had clearly not just returned. “Nightmare.” I breathed, hand on my chest trying to steady the beating beneath it. “You need to talk?” Sam asked, dropping his hands to his side. I shook my head and pushed off the inches of blanket that remained over me before standing. “Go run, I’ll shower and find Dean.” I announced, looking at the empty bed, that I could’ve slept on. Sam waited a beat, giving me the option to change my mind. “Sam, I’m fine. Go.” I pushed, stepping toward him to physically push him through the door. “Alright, alright.” He said, finally leaving. I sighed when the door closed, sinking down to a crouch and covering my face with my hands. The nightmare always took a toll, never changing, never evolving, always terrifying.

“Where are you? We got another case. Sam and I have checked out, we’ll meet you at the diner.” I hung up from leaving Dean his third voicemail of the morning and shrugged at Sam when he raised his eyebrows. “Breakfast?” I suggested, hefting the bag further over my shoulder and watching as Sam did the same. “So, this morning, I was thinking, and, could it be a Chimera?” Sam asked, looking over his shoulder at me. “Uhh, remind what they are again.” I said, after having realised the name meant nothing to me. “They’re a mixture of different animals, depending on what you read, and an omen for disaster.” Sam said, looking down at me, a look of concern on his face when I shook my head. “The Iliad?” He asked, I feigned an oh of recognition and pushed on. “Yeah. Maybe. These people killed themselves, though.” I nodded my thanks when Sam pulled the door to the diner open for me, “Do Chimera’s cause suicide?” “I’ll keep reading.” Sam said, more to himself than me. We sat down in a booth towards the back of the diner, Sam taking out the tablet while I reached for the menu. The words blurred together when I tried to read it. I rubbed at my eyes and placed the menu back, already settled on what I’d have. “Storms, shipwrecks and natural disasters…” Sam muttered as he read. “Is suicide a natural disaster?” I tried, getting a frown from Sam without him averting his gaze from the website in front of him. "No … they--” “Morning darlin’s, may I take your order?” An older waitress asked, looking between the two of us. “Yeah, can I please get banana pancakes with bacon and maple syrup. He’ll have the omelette with a fruit salad--” “No, just--” Sam tried to correct, drawing the waitresses attention. “He’ll have the fruit salad.” I repeated, gaining a knowing smile from the waitress and a look of annoyance from Sam. “And we’re waiting on one more, but he’ll have the Special Fry Up, extra bacon.” I nodded, the lady tucked her notepad back into her apron. “Coffee?” She asked, looking between the two of us. “God, yes.” I exhaled, slouching in the booth. “Yes, please.” Sam said with a smile. “Alright then, I’ll be right back.” She said warmly before shuffling towards the coffee pots. “Why do you do that? You just steal the best bits of fruit, why don’t you just let me order what I actually want?” He asked, sinking down in the booth like a petulant child. I just shrugged and leant my elbows on the table. “So, Chimera? No?” I changed the subject, getting Sam back on track. “No. They infect and mutate with a dose of super strength.” He explained, handing me the tablet and pulling out the case notes he’d printed before we got on the road. “Back to the drawing board.” I muttered, closing that research tab after not reading it. “You guys investigating the suicides?” The waitress was back, pouring coffees but looking at the police notes Sam had. “Oh, uhh,” Sam turned them over, hiding the contents, “Yeah, in a way.” He said. “Can you tell us anything about them?” I asked, sitting up a little straighter, waiting eagerly for her to finish pouring my coffee. “Emma worked here for a week, she always looked so exhausted.” The waitress sighed, remembering her co-worker. A bang and an eruption of laughter broke her out of her memories and all of us turned towards the noise. “Stop!” The woman squealed, making both Sam and I groan. We watched Dean pull the young blonde closer to him and kiss her affectionately before letting her go. “You’re late, Stacey!” Our waitress called across the mostly empty diner, stalking after the young woman. “Hey.” Dean greeted, sliding into the booth next to me, bumping against my shoulder, jostling me as he got comfy. “Hey yourself.” I countered. Dean shrugged and smiled over at his brother instead. Sam blinked slowly, an annoyed look sat upon his features. “Life’s short.” Dean defended, “Whatcha got?” He asked, pulling the case notes out of Sam’s hands. “Not herpes.” I murmured under my breath, making the younger Winchester snicker. “Chimera.” Dean said confidently, nodding and looking at us both. “Already thought of that, not a Chimera.” Sam said, snatching the paper from Dean when he saw the older waitress heading towards us with three balanced plates. “Here we go, banana pancakes,” She slid the plate across the table to me, “Omelette,” She placed the dish down in front of Sam, “which means, Special.” She said, planting the plate with everything on it, in front of Dean. “Coming back with your salad.” She winked at Sam before leaving. “You ordered for me?” Dean asked, pulling me under his arm and locking me in a headlock, “Ain’t she the best?” Dean joked, holding me firmly in place. I didn’t have the energy to put up much of a fight, instead weakly clawing at his arm. “Ahem.” Came the small cough. Dean quickly let go of me, shoving me back to the corner of the booth. “Thanks.” Sam said, unnoticed by the not-too-impressed blonde who slammed the fruit salad down on the table and stalked off. “No, she’s a …” Dean called after the waitress before letting it go with a shrug. “Wanna finish that sentence?” I asked, turning on Dean, holding the end of my gun against the side of his kneecap. The older Winchester gulped as his brother laughed.

“And they have a lack of any happy hormone?” I asked, struggling to concentrate on what the coroner was saying. “Yeah...” She said, eyeing me from across the metal slab, “So did the others.” She added. “Any reason for that?” I asked. The woman in the white coat looked at Dean. “Is she okay?” She asked as I swayed, rubbing at my eyes and yawning. “Yeah, she’s … drove all night.” He lied, nudging me with his elbow when the woman turned around.   “So you were saying exhaustion and depression?” Dean continued, moving away, hoping to draw attention off me. “Yes, the chemicals the brain makes to make us dream, that essentially keep us going and striving for better, they’re non existent in these people. Like they were sucked dry.” The doctor explained, handing Dean a file. “Thanks, we’ll let you know if there’s anything else we need.” Dean wrapped, planting a firm hand in the small of my back and giving me a light shove towards the doors. “Wait,” The cororner called, making us both turn, one slightly faster than the other, “Do you have problems sleeping?” She asked me. “Not so much sleeping,” I mumbled, “Just the dreaming.” I couldn’t help the yawn that escaped. “There’s a, this is so unprofessional of me but…” She said, turning to her handbag at her desk. Dean looked between her and I, taking a minute step forward, I didn’t miss how he’d moved closer, just in case. “There’s this guy in town, he helped me with this recurring nightmare.” She handed me a card that had an address scribbled on it, “Don’t ask me how it worked, it just did. What’s to lose, huh?” She said with a smile and a shrug. “Thanks.” I said, waking up a little at the idea of a soundless sleep, “And what was your name again?” I asked, ignoring Dean’s eyeroll and moving closer to her, holding out my hand. “Amelia,” She said, taking my hand and batting her eyelashes. “What a beautiful na-” “Alright, let’s go.” Dean said, pulling me by my elbow out the doors. “Thanks!” Dean called over his shoulder to the confused, sexy, coroner.

“What’s wrong with you? Comatose one minute, flirting away the next.” Dean grumbled as we approached the Impala. “It’s these nightmares, they exhaust me more than being around you, does.” I earned myself one of Dean’s infamous annoyed glares before I slid into the front seat. “Well, I’ll drop you at this place, and catch up with Sam. Meet you back at the motel.” Dean said. Both brothers knew what the dream was, it was how I got my start in the hunting world. And even though I’d dealt with bigger and badder, that night still haunted me. “Thanks.” I said, settling further into the seat and closing my eyes. “So, you think the… You’re asleep aren’t you?” Dean glanced over at me. Mouth open, drool ready to spill over, eyes closed and a snore building.

“Watch out!” I yelled, waking up quickly as Dean slammed on the breaks and started laughing. “Never fails.” He chuckled, I punched his arm, hard and swung the door open. “Asshole.” I muttered, picking up my bag and climbing out of the front seat. “See you later.” He called out the window, muffler already growling as he pulled away. I looked up and down the street, cafes were spotted up and down, between boutiques and Bohemia themed stores, and in front of me, the address on the card. Sadi’s Psychic Solutions, I closed my eyes and rubbed the sleep from them, of course this is where a small town, outside New Orleans, would send me. I sighed heavily and took a step up, pushing the door open. “Welcome YN, I’ll be out in a moment.” A soft male’s voice called from the back somewhere. “Uhh, hi.” I called back, looking around at the dark room. It was what I expected from a place like this; beads over the doors, scented candles and incense sticks, crystals and statue like objects sitting on painted-black shelves. “Please, take a seat, I’m putting something together for your dreams.” He called again. This was creepy to say the least, he knew my name, he knew what I was there for. I hadn’t met a psychic before, but Sam and Dean said they once had a friend that was one, maybe this guy… “Hi there, I’m Sadi,” He greeted when he came out, holding a wooden bowl with, what looked like, potpourri inside. “Hey there, I was sent by--” “Amelia, yes, she had a similar problem with nightmares,” He began to explain, “She’s doing better now.” I couldn’t help but shake the feeling he was hiding something when he looked away and moved me into the other room, like maybe I wasn’t getting the whole truth. But I was so tired, and needed a full night’s rest without that damned nightmare, so I shook the thought from my head. “Do you mind if I ask, what the nightmare’s about?” He said, gesturing to the seat across from him. We’d walked into a back room, dark, lit only by candles, the bowl sitting in the middle of the table, between us. “You don’t know?” I said, raising an eyebrow at him. He smiled and nodded. “Of course,” He warmed his hands, waiting for my nod of consent before he placed them on either side of my head. “If you could close your eyes.” He said, closing his own. I closed them briefly but opened them again as soon as he started muttering under his breath. “You’re being followed, chased.” He said, I was impressed, but didn’t nod or acknowledge the guess, watching as his eyes scrunched and he rubbed a circle into my temples. I frowned, but let him. “You reach safety, but then that turns out to be the evil you’re running from.” He said, his eyes fluttered under his lashes and I quickly closed my eyes. His hands slowly lowered from my head and I blinked across at him. “Wow.” I said, it wasn’t a lie. I was a little taken by how accurate he was. It would’ve been more impressive if he had described the scene, but I didn’t know how he read or saw my dream. He might’ve just been reading feelings and not seeing it in front of him.

“So, here we have a mixture of ingredients. I can sense you believe in the paranormal world?” He inquired, watching me as I smiled. “Uhh, yep! It’s a hobby of mine.” I said, trying to contain how amused I was by myself. “So you’ll trust me when I say, this will only work if you believe it will?” He reached to the space beside him and procured a knife, not missing when I flinched. “Your blood will focus this spell to your specific dream.” He explained. I took a deep breath, taking the knife from him. “Fuck it.” I muttered, and in a practiced move, I cut along my palm and dropped blood into the bowl. He handed me a white rag. I wiped the blood from the knife and then wrapped my hand, watching him. “Give me your hands and we’ll begin.” He held his hands out, resting palm up on the table, either side of the bowl. I took a deep breath and reached out. “Let’s get me some solid sleep.” I breathed, joining my hands with his. “Watashi wa Baku o yobidasu. Kanojo no yume o toru tame ni koete kita. Gisei-sha ni sōgū suru mono o ubau.” He chanted, the bowl sparked and erupted in green flames, dying out as quickly as they started, my blood gone but the ingredients seemed untouched by fire. He loosened his grip on my hands and looked across at me. “All done?” I asked, tightening the cloth around my palm. “You will have uninterrupted sleep.” He sounded much like a fortune cookie. “How much is that?” I asked after an awkward beat of silence. “That’s one twenty-five.” He said, standing, suddenly no longer interested in being friendly and mysterious. He stood from the table and walked to the front room, leaving me gawking after him. That price was … if it didn’t work, I’d be back with my gun.

“So?” Sam asked, clearly clued in by the older Winchester as to where I’d just been. “We’ll see.” I huffed, sitting down on the couch, reaching for my heeled boots that accompanied today’s professional look. “What about you? Find anything?” I asked, missing the glance that passed between the two men. “Uhh, well… I was speaking to the families of the victims and seems they all had nightmares.” Sam explained, his tone was cautious, as if he was hoping I wasn’t hearing what he was saying. “What?” I asked, sitting back up, peeling off my blouse to relax in my tank top. “That’s not the worst part.” Dean said, somehow he found this humorous. I was gonna whoop his ass later. “Care to share?” I asked when it was obvious they were doing that annoying silent conversation thing. “Well, umm…” Sam began, swallowing thickly as he rubbed at the back of his neck. I looked to Dean who shrugged and quickly picked up his beer bottle, holding it to his lips in an unending sip. “Sam.” I cautioned. “They all went to Sadi’s Psychic Solutions.” He said, his expression already pained, as if I’d already blasted them. I clenched my jaw, closed my eyes and took a deep breath, counting to ten. “This is no different to being bait for another case. And if I get eight, uninterrupted hours out of it…” I tried to reason. The brothers were surprised at how easy I was taking this, so was I. But a solid sleep was something I daydreamed about, an unattainable desire. Of course I was willing to be the guinea pig in this instance. “Dinner?” I asked, breaking the silence. “Uhh, sure.” Dean said, having finally lowered the bottle from his mouth. “Let me change and then we can head to the bar.”

“I’ll take first shift, five hours should—” Sam said to his brother. “Whoa!” I said, opening the bathroom door after just closing it. “Shifts? I don’t need you doing a Cas, I don’t need you lurking over me while I sleep.” I informed. “But, what if this guy has-” Sam tried, no help from Dean who was too busy smirking. “Sam! Quit it. The vics offed themselves. I’m not about to do that. I feel fine.” I didn’t, I was close to snapping and killing the both of them, anything to get closer to sleep. Sam finally shrugged, looking down at his hands. I took that as a victory and headed back to the bathroom. “Give your gun to Sam and we’ll take the knife from under your pillow.” Dean suggested, sometimes he surprised me with just how good a mediator he could be. Sometimes. “Whatever. You’re just not watching me sleep.” I called back, changing into a ratty old shirt and someone’s stolen boxers.

When i got back into the room, I made a beeline for the bed, ignoring the two odd looks from the brothers that were now sitting at the small table. “Hey, that’s-” Dean tried, “Don’t.” Sam said, glancing over at me as I was already crawling onto the bed. “It was yours last night. Not my fault you spent it in a different bed.” I said over my shoulder, getting settled under the covers. “Actually, it wasn’t in a bed.” “Dean.” Sam groaned. I heard a light thump as Sam must’ve smacked at his older brother. “Night.” I yawned, pulling a pillow over my head. The boys kept murmuring between themselves, but once I closed my eyes…

“YNN.” Dean grumbled sleepily, he rubbed a knuckle into his eye as he awkwardly shifted on the couch. YN was whimpering in her sleep, something that happened often enough to not worry either of the boys, normally they wouldn’t wake to them. “Help,” She whined, Dean frowned and opened his eyes. She’d never spoken in her sleep before. “YN?” Dean called into the dark, louder than before. She was still whimpering, pleading for help. Dean looked over the arm of the lounge, and what he saw froze him to the lumpy cushions of the couch. YN was thrashing about in the bed, tossing and turning from the nightmare. But a dark figure loomed over her, what Dean suspected was the snout, was close to her head, a white stream flowing from her temple and through it’s open jaws. “YN!” Dean yelled, effectively waking Sam, who sat bolt upright. Sam’s arms were extended, gun held steadily out in front of him. A directing finger from Dean and Sam turned to face the spirit, firing a witch-killing bullet into the spirit. A high-pitched snarl ripped from the figure, a scream erupting from YN, as it disappeared, like a heavy fog clearing.

Part 2

Tagging Friends:

@akshi8278 @dont-trust-humanity @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou @redlipstickandplaid @lipstickandwhiskey @jensen-jarpad @avasmommy224 @munlis @arryn-nyxx @autopistaaningunaparte @babypieandwhiskey @beckawinchester @blacktithe7 @bringmesomepie56 @chaos-and-the-calm67 @charliebradbury1104 @chvalkenberg95 @clairese1980 @dancingalone21 @ellen-reincarnated1967 @eyes-of-a-disney-princess @fandoms-are-the-best-escape @frenchybell @gabby913 @grace-for-sale @green-love-red-fantasyhearts @hasta-impalasta @i-like-your-assbutt-dean @ilostmyshoe-79 @impala-dreamer @impalaimagining @iwriteaboutdean @jalove-wecallhimdean @kazchester-fanfiction @kristaparadowski @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @lucifer-in-leather @lucis-unicorn @melonberri @manawhaat @mogaruke @mrswhozeewhatsis @nichelle-my-belle @notnaturalanahi @oriona75 @ruprecht0420 @sdavid09 @sherloki-moriartea @thegreatficmaster @waywardjoy @wheresthekillswitch @whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname @wi-deangirl77 @wideawakeandwriting @you-know-whodoesthat-crazypeople @maddieburcham1 @captainemwinchester @samwinjarpad @kittenofdoomage @atc74 @katymacsupernatural @room-with-a-cat @clairese1980 @emoryhemsworth @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @ackleholic-hunter @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou @whispersandwhiskerburn @ruprecht0420 @michellethetvaddict @sandlee44 @mrsbatesmotel53

[neverisalongtime-ja-blog]

Chapter 20: New Year, new disappointment

Hello everyone! Is Thursday again. First of all I want to say that I'm extremely sad about the Chris Cornell news. Is a terrible feeling when your idols start to die.

In fic’s news I really hope no one hates me for this chapter. Said that I want to see feedback, people. Talk to me! Tell me if you like the fic or if you hate it, anything!

You can talk to me here or in at Anastasia’s IG profile that you must follow! Specially if you wan to see the ring Josh gave to An as Christmas gift in the last chapter!

Anastasia_Truman

Much love to you all! ❤️️

——————————————————

Read chapter 19

After the episode between Anastasia and Josh on Christmas Day the relationship started to feel strange. Josh had to work that week, helping on the production of a record for a new pop singer; he was assisting a friend of his that was the actual producer. Anastasia didn’t know about him for days, she thought he was really busy and, just like her, he doesn’t want to be bothered while being in the studio so she didn’t try hard to reach him.

-          You are coming to my house for the New Year’s party, right? – Hannah was asking Anastasia on the phone.

-          Sure! Text me this week what I should bring – Anastasia answered.

-          Don’t worry, we’ll be in contact! – Hannah said before ending the call.

Anastasia and Mandy were having breakfast that morning in a little coffee shop in Los Angeles.

-          Peyton is going with me to Hannah’s house for New Year’s Eve – Mandy said – He thought we were going to Malibu but I really wanna spend that day with all of you. I mean we have spent so much time of this year together.

-          I haven’t talked to Josh about it but I guess we’ll be there too. Actually, I haven’t talked with Josh a lot these days.

-          Is he still mad because you don’t want to get married?

-          It’s not like that. It’s just that… I guess that’s where the age gap has an effect on the relationship.

-          It’s not a big age gap, though.

-          Yes. I know. But I don’t want to get married yet, Mandy. I still have so much to do and you know I don’t believe in that. Our relationship is still young; I guess we have to… I don’t know, live together first.

-          You’ve kind of been doing it.

-          It’s not the same!

-          Did you tell him about… you know, the kids problem?

-          The fact that I can’t get pregnant? – It was a subject that Anastasia had tried to avoid for a large part of her life, it wasn’t hard for her to talk about it, yet only Barbara and Mandy knew, she just didn’t want people to feel pity for her.

-          Well, if you want to throw it like that, yes.

-          I wanted to but I couldn’t. The atmosphere was so tense and I thought it would make everything worse. I’m afraid that if I tell him he will run away.

-          You are joking right? You have to tell him! It’s obvious that he wants to be a father and I think his love for you is rock solid.

-          And we can still be parents, we can adopt or we can have a surrogate mother. I can’t believe we are talking about this right now.

-          He needs to know, An.

-          Well, I’ll talk to him when I see him. I really haven’t seen him much this week.

-          That’s weird.

-          He’s been busy, working with this chick, a new pop singer.

-          Remember when we wanted to be pop singers?

-          I always thought I was going to be the next Britney Spears.

-          I wanted the short outfits, the big choreographies, the drama, everything!

-          There’s another thing – Anastasia changed the subject as she remembered something -When we went to have dinner with his parents last week, his father mentioned that he was happy Josh found a girl with her shit together, he said that I was successful and things like that and Josh took that in a strange way. The ambient got tense. I don’t know.

-          That is even weirder. Why would he act like that?

-          He didn’t want to talk about it afterwards. I didn’t mention it, neither.

The girls didn’t give any further importance to the Josh issue and dedicated their time to enjoy their breakfast.

On the last day of the year, Anastasia was at her house getting ready for Hannah and Eric's party. She had been trying to reach Josh all week but he didn’t answer his phone. He only sent her a text the night before in which he accepted going to the party with her and agreeing to meet there. Anastasia felt anxious, Josh never acted like that before; but she knew he was busy.

“Was he really that angry?” She told herself to get through it and try to enjoy the party.

She arrived to Hannah and Eric’s house with Mandy and Peyton. Everyone was already there, even Josh’s sister Kelly. Everyone but Josh.

-          I thought my brother was coming with you – Kelly told Anastasia taking a sip of her wine glass.

-          Your brother has been acting strange- Anastasia answered – He told me we will meet here – She couldn’t help but notice Eric and Jonnathan giving a worried look to each other. She ignored it.

-          That’s so Josh – Kelly said.

-          What do you mean?

-          My brother is not made to date strong women like you – Kelly stopped talking realizing she said more than she should– Don’t mind me, I’m kind of drunk already.

After a couple of hours at the party, Anastasia walked outside the house and tried to call Josh again as he hadn’t appeared yet. He didn’t answer but she left him a voicemail.

-          So I’ve been at Eric’s place for two hours already and I wanted to know if you are actually gonna come. I’m looking kind of foolish here waiting for you and I’m kind of angry too, it’s New Year’s Eve Josh… Where the fuck are you?! – She started to raise her voice – I mean Josh… God! I’m going to hang up, I really hope you come here tonight.

She felt a pair of arms behind her and she thought it might be Josh, but it was only Mandy.

-          Come and enjoy the party – She said.

-          I look like a fucking idiot. I’m here WITH HIS FRIENDS! And he is not here! I don’t even know where he is. Don’t you think that he is...?

-          No baby, he isn’t cheating on you. Maybe he doesn’t feel right and he is sleeping – Mandy said but both girls knew that was pretty unreal.

Anastasia went back into the house with Mandy and sat with Kelly and Hannah. Everyone at the party was being funny and making the ambient entertaining. Nobody mentioned Josh and even though Anastasia had a good time, she tried to call Josh a few more times and sent him a couple of texts. As they did the countdown to midnight, she realized Josh wasn’t going to appear. She wished a great New Year to everyone, excused herself and left the place, called an Uber to her house and threw herself on her bed just to cry.

She didn’t notice when the sun came up. She saw a small light line coming through the curtains. She got up from the bed, took a long shower, then walked to the kitchen, once there she heard a couple of knocks on the door.

-          It’s open! – She yelled.

Anastasia heard the door being open and then Josh appeared on her kitchen.

-          Well, you decided to appear.

-          I’m so sorry – Josh said taking a seat on one of the stools at the kitchen island. He didn’t even try to hug Anastasia.

-          I don’t care – Anastasia said without looking at him and started to make coffee.

-          An…

-          Do you even know how stupid I felt last night? – She said focusing on the coffee machine, turning her back to him.

-          Something came up with my family and I had a bad reception – Anastasia turned around to look at him.

-          Are you really lying to me?

-          I’m not…

-          Kelly was with me last night. If something had happened with your family we would have known! – Anastasia couldn’t believe Josh was lying right now. He realized that and couldn’t say more -  This is some other level, Josh. What’s wrong with you?

-          I’ve been thinking a lot this week… And I don’t know if I want to keep doing this.

-          Doing what?

-          This relationship.

-          Is it because I don’t want to get married right now?

-          No An. I’m sorry. I know I look terrible to you right now. I don’t have a right reason to do this but I feel it’s just right.

-          Are you breaking up with me and you don’t even give me a reason? – Anastasia was losing her patience – What the fuck, Josh! – She yelled at him.

-          I’m sorry – Josh said looking to the floor.

-          Sorry? You sorry? Fuck you, Josh. Just leave! Get out of my house right now! – She screamed.

-          But…

-          GET OUT!

Josh did what she said and left the house. Anastasia was shocked, heavily breathing. The anxiety was taking over and the rage too. She poured herself a cup of coffee, looked at the cup and threw it with all her forces at the wall in front of her as she yelled “Fuck you, Josh!” with all the strength of her lungs. Then she felt as all the energy left her body and she fell on the kitchen floor to cry, to cry her heart out. Her brain stopped functioning and she just lay there, in the cold kitchen floor. She was shocked and paralyzed.

She remained there in fetal position for a long time. She didn’t know for how long but it was already dark outside as she heard the front door again, this time Mandy appeared in the kitchen, she yelled Anastasia’s name and rushed to be next to her friend.

-          An! Are you ok? – Mandy said – I’ve been calling you all day! Barbara tried to reach you but you didn’t answer the phone, not even our texts – Anastasia remembered that her phone was still on her bedroom.

-          Josh… broke up with me – She said through sobs. Her face was red and swollen from crying all day.

-          Why? – Mandy asked.

-          He didn’t tell me – Anastasia tried to get up but she couldn’t without the help of her friend.

Mandy took her to the living room couch and then went to clean the mess that the coffee cup left that morning.

-          I don’t understand, Mandy, what did I do wrong? – Anastasia said still crying.

-          This is stupid. He is stupid! – Mandy said getting back to the living room – He is just a fucking coward.

-          I never thought this would happen again and I can’t believe it hurts this much. It wasn’t even that long – She started to cry again.

-          You fell deep for him and all this is so weird, so sudden – Mandy said trying to comfort her friend – This is not the Josh we know.

-          I wish I didn’t know him at all right now – Anastasia said between sobs.

Anastasia was waking up from her living coma and all the feelings hit her at once. She felt sadness, anger, disappointment, confusion, madness and on top of it she felt empty. For the last few months she had been swimming in the ocean of love and for a long time she just focused her attention on Josh and the great thing they were building. She forgot she was afraid of this, getting hurt again. She felt bad, even sadder than the time she broke up with Valentine. Josh left a deep imprint on her and she knew it was going to be a long and hard road to get over it.

-          What is wrong with me? I’m pretty sure it is me – Anastasia said trying to gasp for air – Maybe I do things wrong and I don’t know how to handle relationships.

-          There is nothing wrong with you; the only wrong thing here is all the assholes you find on your way.

-          I want to be alone – Anastasia said.

-          I know that you wanna be alone but I will not grant you that wish. I can’t leave you alone in this state. I’m gonna make you some soup and tea and I will go out and buy burgers and ice cream ‘cuz you need grease and sugar in your organism right now.

-          I don’t want to eat, Mandy. I just want to die – Mandy hugged Anastasia tight.

-          Baby, no man in this world deserves you saying such things, much less Josh – Mandy got up from the couch and grabbed her keys – I will come back soon.

After a while, Anastasia also got up from the couch, walked slowly to her bedroom and grabbed her phone with the stupid hope of seeing a message from Josh, but nothing, not even a small word. She went back to the couch and as she stared at nothing she remembered all the times Josh and her shared that couch to eat, watch Netflix or even to make love. For some reason she feel disgusted with herself and felt hate for him, everything in that house reminded her of him. She started to cry again.

Unfortunately, bad news kept coming for Anastasia. Next day she had to put her sadness and illness away to attend a meeting at the label with the rest of the band, only to receive the news that Dead Curse would not continue as the Red Hot Chili Peppers��� opening act, with the exceptions of the shows in New York, Los Angeles and Miami. That was a heavy stone thrown at the band members. Anastasia saw the faces of her mates and the sadness inside her grew bigger. The worst thing is that not even one executive knew how to explain the reasons. “They want to try other artists”, one of them said.

Anastasia remembered that night when Josh told her that he pushed the buttons to make Dead Curse their opening act, and now she was wondering if he did the same but in reverse this time. On the one hand this was great for her, she wouldn’t have to see him every day, and on the other, it was terrible for the band. Mandy, Nick and Eric felt defeated. Anastasia tried to cheer them up, telling them that they would find places to play their own shows, but she wasn’t feeling very positive about life and its courses at the moment, so she failed that mission.

-          Last year was so amazing and this one is starting so shitty – Anastasia said on the way home in Eric’s car – I really just need to get home and cry.

-          We knew this wasn’t a permanent thing – Nick said – And we get to be part of important shows like New York and LA.

-          At least someone is looking at the bright side – Mandy said staring outside the window in the backseat.

After dropping Mandy and Nick at their places, Eric drove Anastasia home and then she asked him to stay. She needed to talk to him; maybe being Josh’s friend he would know the reason behind his decision.

-          I’m as shocked as you are – Eric said in the kitchen.

-          Come on, Eric! You have to know something – Anastasia said.

-          I swear to you I don’t. I wouldn’t lie to you! – He said –I’m actually angry at him. I can’t believe he did this to you.

-          No! No, no, no. you can’t be mad at him. You two are friends and share a band! – Anastasia said – I was afraid of this. I don’t want to be the reason of you leaving Dot Hacker or losing a friend.

-          But you are my friend too and we share my main band.

-          I’m not gonna be Dot Hacker’s Yoko – Eric smiled – At least I haven’t lost my sense of humor. At the New Year’s party I saw you and Jonathan sharing a suspicious glance.  

-          Really?

-          Yes, Kelly mentioned Josh and you two looked at each other.

-          I swear I don’t know anything. I only know Josh can be a real asshole sometimes, if I get more information I’ll come to you – Eric started walking to the door – I’m going with Hannah, she is gonna be thrilled to know that I’m going to spend more time in LA with her – Before walking out the door he turned back to Anastasia – You should try and write about this. You only make good songs when you are sad.

-          Unfortunately – Anastasia said and Eric closed the door behind him.

He was right, she thought, so she entered her home studio and grabbed a notebook and she took seat in front of a piano. Writing songs was the best therapy for her. It was an incredible way to bring all her feelings and thoughts out. It was like emptying her mind and turning disgrace into beautiful art. She wrote the first two lines with no problem:

“Don't touch the sleeping pills, they mess with my head,

Dredging the Great White Sharks, swimming in the bed”

And the chorus with great agility. The words just came out of her brain to the paper without interruption:

“And oh my love remind me, what was it that I said?

I can't help but pull the earth around me, to make my bed

And oh my love remind me, what was it that I did?

Did I drink too much?

Am I losing touch?

Did I build this ship to wreck?”

After that song, another was written and then another, and by the first sun rays in the morning Anastasia had five songs completed in her notebook. 

Read Chapter 21

Author's Note: As you can tell I have no clue in how to write songs so I borrowed Florence and the Machine’s song “Ship to Wreck”, I leave you the video here if you want to hear it. That album ( How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful) is an amazing break up album, it helped me a lot in the past so I fully recommend it.