#// but there's good reason to believe that it's decently accurate

[wise-innocence]

LOOK AT THE SU INTERACTIONS

Thinking about Aha and Akivili again </3

[seresinhangmanjake]

Because You Stayed

Jake "Hangman" Seresin x female reader

Summary: Your relationship with Jake is new. Very new. Like one-month-old new. Too new for you to be pregnant with his baby, and yet, that's exactly the situation you're facing.

*This fic can be read alone, but it is also a "What if?" scenario for Oh, Baby.*

Warnings/notes: pregnancy, fluff. idk, that's probably it.

Words: 1459

---

It hadn't been long. That was the terrifying bit.

Yes, you'd known him for what felt like ages, but that time spent knowing him was missing the one way you'd always wished to know him most. For a year, you'd dreamed of being with him, pining in silence, until everything changed and you got your wish. 

It had only been a month since you took the risk and kissed him, and you and Jake had certainly used the time wisely. After that one month, you finally, deeply, truly knew him—all of him, in and out, up and down. You knew what made him feel good. You knew how to make him whimper. You knew that every time he came in you, he buried his face in your neck, kissing your sensitive skin with a groan in his throat.

And then suddenly, you knew you were pregnant.

In just thirty days, Jake Seresin managed to knock you up. 

Well, actually, that wasn't so accurate. According to your doctor, it only took your pilot one shot—his first shot with you—to get it done. You'd been pregnant for weeks and hadn't known until you realized you were too often exhausted and had an unusual lack of cramping for the time of the month.

You went through the stages, of course. The denial and acceptance and all those in between as your doctor stared at you, trying to understand the thoughts running through your head. It was wildly overwhelming, certainly. But despite it all, there was one other thing you knew by the time you pulled out of the office's parking lot: 

You wanted your baby. Which meant your entire world was going to flip on its side from that moment on. And after days of thinking, of going back and forth, you decided you were going to do the very same to Jake's. 

—

His mouth was on yours before you could breathe in the piney scent of his cologne. A desperate, greedy taking from your lips as he pushed you up against the closest wall of his home. He enveloped you like a man too long deprived. And you would've let him take you; you and everything he needed to feel good again if only your need to tell him your news wasn't so prevalent in your mind. 

"Jake, wait." The words slipped through the sliver of space that broke your kiss. 

He paused but didn't step away. His closeness kept his mouth brushing against yours, breaths mingling.

"What for?" He whispered.

"Because," you began, eyes slowly grazing up the length of his face until they met the heated stare of his green irises. You swallowed. "We have to talk."

In an instant, he ripped himself from your arms, forcing too many steps between you. Every bit of his body altered to match his frown. Eyebrows dipped in the center. Shoulders slumped forward the slightest. Your muscled man somehow shrunk in size and stature within mere moments.

"I did something, didn't I? I couldn't think of what it was, but I knew there had to be a reason," he said. The pain radiating from his form seeped deep into your pores. "You've been avoiding me for three days."

With a sigh, you said, "I know."

There was a sudden shift, and you could see it in him that he expected you to deny it. That maybe you had a decent excuse for your behavior. Too busy. Too stressed. Too tired to spend time with him. It was clear anything would have sufficed to ease his budding anxiety. Anything but the truth you had for him to hear.

"You're here to tell me we're over," he decided. 

The shock of his words kept you silent. It was the last thing you ever imagined he would believe. After all, you had been the one to take the leap that closed the gap between friendship and something more. He slept in your bed as often as you did in his. Your hearts were equally bare before one another, a development only made from your unwillingness to be without him a second longer. Never---you would never end it with him. But you didn't have time to say so before he was grasping your hands tightly in his. 

"Please," he started. There was a catch in his voice. "Please don't end this."

You shook your head. "Jake, you don't understand."

"Then help me. Explain it to me, Honey. Whatever I did—"

"You didn't do anything," you interjected. Then, considering your words, said, "Well, you did, but so did I."

"You?" he questioned with eyes wide. "Honey, what could you have possibly—"

"Jake, I'm pregnant."

He blinked. And blinked again. Lips parted then closed. One of his hands released yours so it could muss his traditionally neat blond locks, then his eyes fell to your stomach. 

"Pregnant." He stated, no hint of a question behind it. "You're pregnant with…with my…?"

You nodded.

The long breath he expelled ended with a small smile that softly curved the delicate line of his mouth. Barely noticeable. Locking his gaze to yours and noticing your uncertainty, he said, "It's alright. We will figure this out, ok? I promise." Fingertips swept across your cheekbone. "I mean, I can—I can be a dad."

Your jaw slackened. "You want it?"

"Our baby?" he asked, a wobble to his tone. His brows rose as the rest of his features fell from heartbreak. "Don't you?"

You could've fallen apart then, right in front of him, to let out the many sobs you'd held in over the last few days. A bout of carefree weeping just from the pure acceptance Jake was showing you and the child you'd made together. 

"You don't." He once again concluded from your silence.

"No, Jake. I do. I swear I do," you said, rubbing the back of your hand over your nose as you sniffled. "I just didn't think you would. I–I wasn't sure."

"Of course I want our baby," he stressed, squeezing your hands again. 

This distress on his face made something in your chest alternate between gentle flutters and vice-like constricting. To have his unexpected support alone was enough to solidify the concealed love you felt for him. But you couldn't ignore how your questioning and insecurity clearly caused him further hurt.

"You say that so easily without even thinking it over."

"There isn't anything for me to think over, Honey," he said. "It's you."

Whether consciously done or not, Jake's fingers tightened the slightest around yours when you untwined them so you could wrap your arms around his neck. You had no intention of pulling away as he'd somehow thought. You just needed him closer,  more firmly against you. You needed the solidity of his form to hold you together.

Pulling him in, you asked, "Do you really think we can do this?"

Jake's hands curled around your waist. "We can do anything."

"Everyone will think we're insane."

"Well," he sighed, then tugged his bottom lip between his teeth and shrugged. "Probably. But this is our family. No one else's." A smile caused lovely crinkles to form at the corners of his eyes before he rested his forehead on yours. "And we can absolutely do this."

"You won't change your mind, right?"

"Never, Honey," he promised. "The two of you are mine."

—

"Are you nervous?"

Your fingers wove through his hair as his ear was resting against your stomach. Listening for any minute sound. Feeling for even the slightest movement.

His attachment to that part of you had grown exponentially since you started showing, and more often than not, his hands, his cheek, his lips were worshiping your lower abdomen.

"Not nervous," he said, looking up at you. "Excited. I want to see our baby."

There was a prickling in the corners of your eyes at his genuine joy. But that was a constant. Tears were common from the moment you found out when you were pregnant. They managed to come more often when Jake proved how much he loved you. And well, when he finally uttered those three words, your cheeks seemed to be damp on the daily. Everything he gave you, all at once, was so wonderfully overwhelming, and you didn't bother holding back.

Jake didn't shame you for it, either; just simply held you and kissed you and thanked you for being his.

"Do you want the doctor to tell us what it's going to be tomorrow?" You asked. 

"They don't have to. I already know."

You chuckled at his smirk, and in your testing tone, said, "Is that so? And what is our child, Lieutenant Seresin?"

"Oh, a girl. Definitely a girl," he said, laying his head back down close to your stomach. "You'll see."

-

Tags: @wkndwlff @kmc1989 @sagittarius-flowerchild @dempy @oliviah-25 @rosiahills22 @xoxabs88xox @matisse556 @hardballoonlove @ssa-sadboi @lynnevanss @pono-pura-vida @tgmreader @amgluvsbooks @ravenhood2792 @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @abaker74 @novagreen04 @multifandomlover4life @mayhemmanaged @memeorydotcom @ryiamarie @ateliefloresdaprimavera

[zeppeli-reelstallbun]

The Exception

part 2/? <- previous - next -> [masterlist]

[PAIRING] Bucciarati x Reader

[SUMMARY] Your date was a disaster, and your expectations had already been low to begin with- but a good friend does what she must. Read the prologue first!!

[WC] 2.5k APOLOGIES they will not be this short in the future. These first two parts are plot important for setup reasons, unfortunately. Just didn’t want to put more than one pov in a single post yall

[!!!] language, concept is inspired by goodfellas, so a lot of dialogue and narration has been picked straight from that. not cannon accurate, google translated Italian, pulling things out of my ass in terms of locations and such, lmk if I missed anything,

[A/N] as someone who hates reading oc names in fics 99% of the time, the made up friend character means nothing to me and will be gone so soon. Toodles.

I can’t stand him. In fact, I’d call him obnoxious. He’s just sitting there, fiddling with his watch like this isn’t worth his time.

It had been like this the entire night, and you were beginning to wonder why you even agreed to join Lucia in the first place. It seemed like Guido was a decent guy, at least if you ignored his questionable taste in friends. Thankfully she was having a good time, sitting and laughing and leaning into his chest like she wasn’t hesitant to go out in the first place. Yes, your expectations had been low to begin with, but the behavior you witnessed at dinner was nothing but insulting. And then, before it was time to go, your date was rushing you out of the restaurant! It was ridiculous how he paraded you to the vehicle as if this were a successful night out, hand hovering over the small of your back until needed to open your door.

You didn’t feel like it was overdramatic to call this evening a failure. In fact, that word seemed a gross understatement even now.

If it weren’t for one exchange he initiated on the trip home, you might have believed the entire thing had been orchestrated to get you away from Lucia. At first, you were confused when he pulled up the driver's privacy screen; was he about to give you a reason to be concerned?

”I realize tonight wasn’t…” he paused, picking his next word carefully, “optimal.”

You didn’t give him a response, keeping your knees shifted away from him and your posture neutral.

He continued, “Mista didn’t invite me until yesterday. I already made a commitment to meet with my supervisor tonight, something I couldn’t change even if I wanted to. But he couldn’t really ask anyone else.”

“Lucia practically begged us to meet them again Friday-“ you began, getting ready to give him a way out.

“Guido wasn’t much better,” your date interjected. “I think he would have dropped to his knees if we told him it would secure a yes.”

In spite of yourself, a laugh escaped from the bottom of your stomach. He was witty, you realized. And worse, he delivered it in the same, dry tone he used in regular conversation. The combination left you speechless, if only temporarily.

“I won’t be able to pick you up,” he continued before you could object, “but I can take you home again, if you’d prefer. Can we meet at the restaurant?”

Fine. You thought as you nodded your head. One more chance. All things considered, I can give him the benefit of the doubt.

You didn’t think of anything else for the remainder of the drive. Not the fact that your date seemed to have a personal driver, nor the suspicion in meeting an employer so late in the evening. You were only focused on getting home and trying to put aside your personal frustrations for the next time you dined with Bruno Bucciarati. After all, he still took the time to walk you to your door. Did he factor this into his schedule? Did he plan to leave with time to escort me home instead of letting me third wheel?

But, you weren’t willing to think about that right now.

He hadn’t proven that he deserved it, at least not yet.

Guido was more than happy to drive you to dinner alongside Lucia, though you knew this was an attempt to gain your friend's favor more than anything else. Regardless, you appreciated the gesture. It beat walking halfway across the globe to reach the restaurant, which seemed to have been picked for its inconvenient location over anything else. Still, you wouldn’t complain. You didn’t need to worry about the transportation, and you likely wouldn’t have to pay for your meal again. He might have been closed off during conversation, but Bucciarati didn't even let you touch the check. Besides, it would be a challenge for the second dinner to go worse than the first one…

Perhaps that thought was responsible for your hesitance to admit he stood you up.

First it was five minutes. Then ten. Then fifteen, and you were escorted to your seats. Twenty, and the waiter checked in on the table. Twenty-five, and his friend explained that one more might be coming. Thirty, and you felt your hopes drop completely. Oh well, guess I dodged a bullet.

“I feel terrible. I don’t know where he is.” Mista finally said, confronting the elephant in the room. The waiter had taken their orders, it felt awkward pushing him back any longer. You had insisted the couple have some sort of date, you really didn’t care that things didn’t work out… It wasn't your fault Mista had unreliable friends.

“You know, he really liked you too,” he continued, turning to Lucia, “all he did was talk about her. He liked you.”

Sure. Maybe last night I could have believed that.

You were a trio instead of a double date that night. But you didn’t really care. Did you? Even second guessing that feeling of apathy made your stomach churn, why should it matter that one guy didn’t work out. Worse than that, however, Guido thought he was making things better by bringing it up every time he saw fit. What you thought would be simple enough to ignore instead continued to grow with each minute that passed. By the time dinner wrapped up, you considered yourself angry with the man.

With the same grating voice you had become accustomed to, Mista began to ramble again, “He should have called, I hope it’s nothing serious. He really isn’t like this, ever.”

“Then why don’t we do something instead of just talking about it.” You finally snapped back, dropping the fork from your hand. You’d had enough of the idle chatter, enough of the unimportant setup. It was time for Mista to put his money where his mouth was.

“What?” He asked, brows furrowing.

“Let’s go find him.” You were being dead serious, the extravagant wine in your system encouraging you to rip him a new one. “You know where he spends time, I assume.”

Pleadingly, you locked eyes with your friend, praying she would understand what you were telling her. He’ll do anything you say right now, he’s wrapped around your finger.

You don’t know why you even doubted her, she read your mind with ease. “Pleaaaase Guido-“ she whined, wrapping her arms around him while tossing her head back. “We could stay at mine if we’re out too late looking for him.”

Frankly, the tone of her voice left you impressed. I owe you big time, you said with your gaze. She rolled her eyes at you, unknown to the boy escorting them out. ‘Lord, you have no idea,’ you guessed she replied.

While you assumed Guido would be a careful driver at first, all notions of the concept had fleeted by the time you reached Napoli Centrale.

You had nearly been ready to give up. In reality, you had only been driving for upwards of an hour, but it felt like you were trapped in the car with the couple for days. The sun had long begun its descent, street lights now illuminating the water lined streets. There wasn’t a man on earth worth all this trouble, regardless of how pissed you were at him. You were about to voice your defeat, when your friend's date caught a glimpse of the less than subtle blue hair. You didn’t even have the time to voice an objection before the car drifted to an enthusiastic halt.

Guido had given you an entrance, his brakes squeaking enough to burn rubber and announce your presence to the entire block. Whatever you decided to say, it needed to match that urgency. There was nothing left to do but open the door and step out of the car, fists clenched so as not to show their trembling.

Unaware of the storm approaching, Bucciarai recognized the vehicle, if nothing else. “Mista, I don’t have time-”

“You have some nerve standing me up.” You cut him off, slamming the door behind you as you made your way to the paved entryway he was occupying. “Nobody does that to me.”

He wasn’t alone, you noticed. Fuck. “Who do you think you are, some big shot? Think you’re pretty enough to be a casanova?” The group of men around him loosened up, muttering a bit at the show starting in front of them. One even let out a laugh at his expense.

You savored the look on his face, the perfect mix of shock and awe. His mouth fell agape, but he quickly pulled himself together.

Turning to take one more look at his friends, Bruno stood to greet you. His legs closed the distance with ease, and he brought his hands as he spoke. “Take it easy. Slow down, all right?” He smiled convincingly, eying you up and down to gauge how pissed you might have been. “I forgot. I thought it was next week.”

You threw your head back, unimpressed as you spat, “It was Friday. It was this Friday. And you agreed.” What did it even matter? “Fuck off-”

He took a step forward as you began to turn away, reaching out to grab your wrist. Gentle, you noticed, despite the stern command in its nature. “Hey, we can talk about this,” he nearly asked, “take it easy.”

The group of boys laughed at him. Any variation of ‘calm down’ is universally frowned upon when confronting an upset woman, how Bruno managed to forget this was unfathomable. For his group of boys, this was the luckiest day of their life. Finally, something to hold over the perfect mafiosos head. For you, however, this was the final straw.

“Talk about it?” You asked slowly, furrowing your brows and tilting your head as if saying ‘that’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.’

“Talk to you after what you just did to me?” You were smiling, shaking your head as one of the onlookers let out an ‘oooooooh.’

“Forget it. I’m not talking to you about anything.” You finished, pulling your hand back. That’s when you noticed it -- the look in Bucciaratis eyes that left you second guessing your anger. According to his dark gaze, you were something between predator and prey. A challenge to be untangled. A delicious meal laced with deadly poison. You wanted to gag for even thinking something so cliche.

Unknown to you, it’s not often someone speaks to Bruno this way. Unknown to you, this sparked his interest more than anything else. Aside from his superiors, this behavior wouldn’t have been tolerated… In all honesty, he would have put a stop to it immediately if you were one of his boys. If you were anyone else, he wouldn't have dealt with you at all.

But, here you were. Some civilian girl somewhere in between the two, allowed to make a public mockery of his shortcomings. The boys sitting behind him did not take this lightly, this you recognized if nothing else.

“I thought you would stand me up. You looked bored. You didn’t say anything. What do you expect? Hmm?” You turned, rolling your eyes while shifting your weight. His grip on your wrist gave him one final point of leverage over you. Pulling you back towards him once more, the two of you locked eyes.

“Well-” he began, eyeing you up and down again, “let me make it up to you.”

It must have been the way his gaze lingered. Despite your anger, a part of you never wanted anyone to look at you with that same hunger ever again. Only him. You wanted to capture Bucciaratis' look of yearning, it had felt like you deserved to. You had gone through this much trouble to obtain it, after all.

But still, he didn’t deserve a solid answer from you. “I’ll think about it.”

“I’ll make it up to you. Next Friday,” he patted his jacket, taking a moment of composure to look for something, “I’ll pick you up at 8.”

Bold. Straightforward. It was a start.

“You’ll show up to my house at 8,” you corrected, beginning to walk back to Mistas car, “I’ll decide if you’re picking me up or begging.”

A chorus of laughter and mockery rang in your ears as you turned back to the car. If nothing else, that group of boys wasn’t going to let their friend hear the end of it.

continue to next part ->

This is purely self indulgent slop, but here is a link to the scene this part is roughly based on :)

-> read other works and progress announcements on my masterlist !!

[emhm]

I was going to make this a reply in DMs because it came up, but I think in retrospect it deserves an actual post.

There's a decent chance that my portrayal of how V2 Eclipse behaves in a relationship is accurate.

(This is going to be about eclipses in general but not amalgams like Ruin. I consider them a different thing then the Killcode/Sun[code] spawns.) The reason for this being that we have no canon examples of a romantic relationship with one. Just noncanon MASM. We get lighter moments of interaction with the kids. Both V4 Eclipse and Solar. And recall the few gaming sessions Solar did with Lunar to help him get over his initial trauma with the original Eclipse. We see that both Solar and V4 are willing to do softer crafts and less intellectual things as friend activities. We can at least extrapolate a bit from how they behave towards goals or material things they want to hang on to. [Tenacious and possessive.] Solar is more even tempered and friendly in general, but he's still not a great example since he's still very bitter and traumatized and at the end of the day; he's sleeping alone. He's capable of being playful but his baseline is pretty low-key. We know from V2's behavior with the star that he was desperate for any kind of attention and even used it to make everyone like him instead of Sun and Moon.

Stepping sideways here to make some points about MASM Eclipse since he's the closest we've seen to an Eclipse in a relationship.

Jumps at the chance to be with Sun as soon as Sun shows some interest.

Openly defies both Freddy and Moon in pursuit of Sun despite getting painfully killed by them multiple times.

Engages in open combat with an inferior weapon to fight for Sun's affection.

Tries to give Sun a back massage. Which absolutely smacks of "I'm a robot with no clue what to do in a relationship but the internet says this is a thoughtful thing that partners do."

I absolutely believe him saying he just wanted to 'poison the love force' was a flat lie to get Freddy to stop hurting him.

EMHM Eclipse [And this can apply to EMHM Lord Eclipse as well]

Will literally kill for Sun.

Can be playful with friends and children.

Has paranoia/jealousy issues if he thinks someone is encroaching on his relationship

Willing to sacrifice dignity for love.

Found something that feels good and is now obsessed with it [sex]

Is insecure even when told they are wanted

[marlog-5]

Sonadow pacific rim AU

Some shit my gf and I came up with on a long road trip in an attempt to distract me from how bad I had to pee

Tails is both newt and Herman, he lied about it age to get the job and joined when he was like 16, he’s now 21 but has a permanent baby face and is never allowed into bars.

Sonic is known for having solo piloted a jaeger for a little bit but no one has any details on how that happened. He can also drift well with anyone in a practice run of a drift mostly because he’s kinda playing around, but when he gets serious he thinks too fast for anyone to keep up with. Except for shadow.

Now I’m a monster fucker, so inline with the black arms part of shadow, pacific rim shadow will have gotten kiju blue poisoning and then experimented on by some G.U.N. Parallel and now he’s ass has some kiju powers. He’s good at training new recruits and he and Sonic have the same practice fight with the bo staff moment that Raleigh and mako have. Unfortunately due to the trauma and the “‘keep everyone at arms length” disease that shadow has a hard time in the drift. Sonic ends up being compatible with him because Sonic is also compartmentalizing the fuck out of his own back story so like hell he’s gonna get nosey with shadows. He only cares about who shadow is right now.

Shadow right now is also carrying some secrets and /those/ Sonic will pry in to with reckless and wild abandon.

Through the drift he stars picking up on the alien parts of shadow and since shadow won’t tell him he goes to tails. Tails has been curious about drifting with a kiju brain and Sonic is just Icarus-coded enough to give it a try. Low and behold the alien vibes that he gets in the drift with shadow are the same as the kiju brain, but he can’t accurately report to tails the data that tails wants so now the three of them are on a mission to visit hanable chow (played by rouge) in Hong Kong and get a more in tact brain so tails can do the drift.

While stumbling through the streets of Hong Kong shadow and Sonic chill at a bar and attempt a heart to heart about the alien shit. (Shadow still doesn’t know that Sonic has started putting the pieces together and while Sonic still doesn’t want to pry about the past he’s having trouble finding a way to not bring it up as he questions the now)

Enter Sonic’s original drift partner.

In the original Raleigh has a brother, in the AU this character can either be played by manic or scourge (or silver is you want but I’m going with scourge). Originally on decently good terms scourge and Sonic were drift partners, during one particular attack scourge got assumedly eaten by the kiju. Sonic believes his brother died, meanwhile scourge is taken back to the precursors (kiju over lords) and they winter soldier his ass. Scourge is sent back to earth, decently unaware of what all the kiju did to him or why they sent him back to earth, all he knows is now he’s got these sick ass powers and a burning need to kill Sonic.

They meet at the bar and Sonic starts having a very reasonable panic attack. A fight breaks out. Sonic is NOT giving it his all because he does low key blame himself for what happened and he really would just like to talk to his brother again. Sonic goes down. Shadow steps in. The last thing Sonic sees before he blacks out is shadow glowing in the same way scourge is as he takes over the fight.

[mountainscouts]

I think Gary shouldn't be just a perfect overachiever gentleman that soothes Stan's depression. I don't dislike it but I also want to see Gary not have everything in his life in order, allow him to get angry, question Mormonism (racism, homophobia), pressure him with familial expectations (don't set bad example for his siblings, must marry a woman, etc), let him cut loose and party. Conversely, Stan isn't 24/7 doom+gloom. He can be stable, proactive and self-reflecting even before dating Gary.

WHEW. OKAY THIS ASK HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY ASK BOX FOR A WHILE NOW BECAUSE ITS JUST SO. SO PERFECT. where do i even begin?

okay, i have such a specific view of gary that is essentially this, seriously. when it comes to stary, people tend to gloss over gary as a character and while i can't really blame them for doing that, considering that gary is just a guy who has in total less than 3 minutes of speaking roles in his only episode, it's something i've noticed. while i wish that more people would explore him as a character with as much depth as stan, i've kinda just accepted that it won't ever be the case. BUT because of that, i've sort of hyper focused on these types of details about gary and built on his character more in that regard, going that exact direction you went in your ask.

gary, to me, is a well-polished & put together mess when he gets older. the church is such a fascinating and important facet of his life, and the fact that his character is so inherently & quintessentially mormon is a very accurate portrayal of a lot of mormons from SLC. with that, any type of interpretation of him that deviates from typical norms and values in the church is actually asking for a lot of character dissection. i understand that a lot of people would rather not, but i WOULD. and HAVE BEEN...

gary to me is gay, and i can't really see him otherwise. he finds this out– or at least has a feeling that he might be at a younger age, so already his sexuality giving him leeway in questioning the church and its beliefs. this starts leading him to be more self-aware of his societal and familial role, juggling his own beliefs, the church's, and by extension his family's. with this baggage, i guess, i'm sure it'll extend beyond that to his sense of self. what does he want to be? what does he want to make of himself? how can he feel so trapped, but by the loving arms of his family? so much to build and unpack here!!

speaking of his family, i truly believe they're ignorant folk, conservative, and traditional (inadvertently confirmed by how many children they have and how they all interact with eachother- even if that's just a joke, it proves my point that the harrisons are a decent portrayal of mormon families yet again). gary, being the middle child and if one wanted to write him as "the special one", makes for these dilemmas even more interesting honestly. from setting a good precedent for his siblings, following the path of his older ones, cramming extra-curricular activities as a means to both please his parents and even distract himself from his issues, to having to attend church meetings— it all piles up, all while his own contradictions are fed more and more at the incessant exposure of daily life.

the reason why he's considered a polished mess is because he's your typical "looks like he has everything under control, actually under insane amounts of stress" character. i firmly believe that the harrisons have no ill-will, but i think the way that they raised their children falls strongly on the line of emotional neglect. their children were never taught any life lessons that'd help actually help them like- you know, regulating emotions. i've mentioned this in a previous post (and also elaborated on gary showing anger specifically) but i personally believe that while gary is a kind, and generous person to his core, there is an incredible amount of repression deep within him— a product of being raised with many, "boys dont cry"s, "love thy neighbor"s, and "forgive and forget"s. kindness specifically is actually an incredibly important aspect to mormonism, as it's a key part of the lifelong and ever present journey to celestial afterlife. but that's the thing: objectively speaking– this is just a way of control.

so when one wants to break free from this way of thinking, to lose this control, to break away from all they've known— their very livelihood— it's not going to come in the form of an overnight epiphany. in gary's case, considering how tight he is with his family versus his budding progressive views and drive to have more free reign over his self, it's going to be one hell of a struggle.

to touch on your point of him not getting everything he wants, i think that's another fundamental reason why he would question his standing in the church as well— depending on What he doesn't get. perhaps he doesn't want to serve his mission, but does so anyways. or maybe he simply had a bad day, but he can't allow himself to get upset, convincing himself that "things could be worse" as a way to make himself feel better, barring himself from healthily expressing his feelings. repeatedly saying "its okay" is going to be his downfall lol

and, i too would love to see him cut loose and party eventually- without a second thought that he'd be disappointing anyone.

okay now for stan. oh yeah that guy— no i'm just kidding, i'm also actually very picky about stan as well. :P most of your points about him align perfectly with mine. i don't like it when people woobify him to a point where his only/a major part of his character is his pessimism and depression, and while they are a part of him, it seems to be a big theme when people talk about stary. i definitely love the whole "i can fix him" thing gary has with him (because of gary's primordial urge to "fix" things and be persistent until he can't anymore) but that's definitely not all that they are!! (also gary's initial thought of "fixing" stan would already be faulty from the get-go anyways- but he will learn)

with stan, i think people tend to make him already pretty "helpless" in general fandom, and while he has shown to be more vulnerable than his peers, hes still pretty resilient. i do think that he would need a little bit of a push when it comes to his mental health, but that's only because he's found a way to cope with these issues- none of which are truly healthy. he's moreso content with being in a stalemate with himself and while he does wish he could do more, it takes a lot out of him to get out his more personal comfort zones.

kinda gives him another reason as to why him and gary are narrative foils, i just realized :P!!

but yeah!! i really loved this ask, and i probably really should indulge more in this aspect of gary >_<. its something i truly think about, and those who are close to me DEFINITELY know this! thank you for the ask and sorry it took so dang long haha. also thank you to those who read this behemoth, genuinely didnt expect to yap this much

[tropylium]

How to be More Agentic

Ask for things. Ask for things that feel unreasonable, to make sure your intuitions about what’s reasonable are accurate (of course, try not to be a jerk in the process). If you’re only asking for things you get, you’re not aiming high enough.

(We have a saying in Finnish, roughly "darers will dare", with a connotation that well someone's gotta, or else things will not get done… "Daring" is a relatively general pro-agency sentiment but the "darer" part is important also I think; once you have a thought like "oh yeah I'm an asker I will sometimes ask for stuff" about yourself, that already makes it easier to ask, even if you still feel skittlish about rejection or similar)

It’s hard to overstate how overpowered [seeking feedback] is. If you aren’t trying to get real feedback from people who know you, you’re cooking without tasting. This is, like, the lowest hanging fruit for self-improvement, but few people really try to pick it.

(Note to self yeah, I think I can function decently with relatively little social contacts but it's felt for a long time that I am nerfed by not having good sounding boards for talking ideas about my life over with)

Most subject matter is learnable, even stuff that seems really hard. But beyond that, many (most?) traits that people treat as fixed are actually quite malleable if you (1) believe they are and (2) put the same kind of work into learning them as you would anything else. As you might gather, I think agency itself is a good example (…) Many other supposedly fixed traits can likewise be altered. Some other things you can learn: confidence, charisma, warmth, tranquility, optimism. Someone recently asked me how one might go about learning charisma, and the answer was really boring: by reading a few books, watching many hours of charismatic people interacting with others, and adopting a few of their habits. This is surely a plan of action most people could come up with if they didn’t have the notion that charisma is innate lodged in their heads.

(A.k.a. "growth mindset", and crucially yes!, it is itself learnable, learn some of that first of all and it will help you with many many things)

Burnout is the ultimate agency-killer. This is so true that I’ve learned to identify a reduction in agency as one of the first signs of burnout, one that shows up even before I consciously realize what’s happening. A switch flips and I start looking for ways to rule out ideas and actions, to conclude they won’t work or aren’t necessary, rather than chasing better versions. (…) This might be the most important item on the list. It took me almost 40 years to learn it, because my instinct is to think more hours mean more productivity as long as you’re really trying to be productive -- that’s just multiplication, right? No. The reality is that grinding, even if it temporarily increases output, kills creativity and big picture thinking. My rule is never to take instructions on how hard I should work from someone who hasn’t burned out before. Very few people take this seriously enough.

(Extremely true. No amount of exerting agency helps when your issue is burning out for overexerting. Take breaks, don't expect to get miracles done by any set point in your life, learn your limitations; might be a good idea to work on them too but ignoring them doesn't get you past them one bit. "Your body will schedule maintenance for you if you don't")

[thecryptidzenith]

I wish you would write a fic where... Kalina manages to deflect Pok and keep him alive as a tool instead of having him killed

The way this premise is worded puts Kalina in the position of power, but I love it when Pok's a cheeky bastard so...

~

"I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I think you're getting stood up, hon."

Pok hummed, non-committal, as the waitress refilled his water for the third time, "No, I got here early. Earlier than I should have, probably."

Their meeting was meant to be at 5:15, a reasonable enough time for dinner on a weeknight, but definitely early. Early enough that Pok would have enough time to catch the train to Elmville and see Riz before he went to sleep for the night. Or more accurately, before he went to bed for the night. Sklonda had told him about their son's attempts to stay up as late as possible, just in case tonight was when Daddy came home, just in case he'd come walking through the door in the next minute or hour, and how could he sleep knowing that?

She'd said it wryly, like it was a joke, but he was well-aware of the admonishment in it. Riz wouldn't feel the need to become an insomniac if he was home more. If every second with Daddy wasn't precious enough to be worth losing hours of sleep over.

But that wasn't why Kalina wanted this meeting early. She wanted as few witnesses as possible, he knew that. And it worked for him, so he acquiesced. The interplay of compromises and negotiations was second nature to him at this point. He refused to have this conversation in private, and she didn't want to go somewhere busy. He arrived ten minutes early so she would see him waiting on her, and eight minutes after their agreed upon time, he expected she'd be here ten minutes late to signal that she had better things to do.

"She'll be here," he promised the waitress, in a manner that he was sure sounded like he was trying to convince himself of it.

She sighed, "That's what they all say," and walked away.

Pok took a sip of his water and looked around the restaurant--yet another compromise. Time wasn't the only factor in how busy a place was. He recounted the twenty-three patrons clustered around lacquered wood tables and squished into sticky red booths. Servers with branded aprons over their normal clothes came out every once and a while. He'd been occupying himself with trying to draw the exact boundaries of their sections, and he couldn't tell where along the wall of booths one ended and another began. Maybe the edge of one of the photos on the wall served as the border, but none of them seemed to line up cleanly with the booths.

Nine minutes after she should have been there--either she was relaxed and sloppy tonight or her imprecision disguised deliberate calculation--Kalina walked through the door. Her dress was Solesian, nice, but not overly so. A satiny grey, flowing top with crisscrossing straps. Perfect for a Solesian summer and decently formal, though the black jeans made the outfit more casual. Dying sunlight glinted off her silver arm cuffs, blindingly bright on a usually dark figure. Her eyes seemed to meet Pok's the second she walked through the door. She ignored the employee up front who in turn ignored her as she walked straight up to his table and sat down.

"Pok."

"Kalina."

"It's good to see you."

"Likewise."

A beat.

He hadn't told her why he wanted to meet like this. He hadn't told her why he had wanted to meet at all. But Kalina spoke a second before he did.

"How's the family?"

Standard small talk or an implicit threat? His response was the same either way, "Good. Sklonda just wrapped up a pretty big case, and Riz has been enjoying the summer. Lot of time at the pool, he's a pretty good swimmer."

Kalina smirked, "Good enough to swim across the moat into Fort Quintana?"

Despite himself, he smiled back, "I can't believe you're still bringing that up, it's been... heavens, thirteen years?"

"Fourteen."

"Goodness." It felt like yesterday and a lifetime ago, "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Yes," she confirmed cautiously, "it has."

"We've known each other for a long time. And over that time, we've done a lot of stuff together. We've been a good team. I've trusted you with my life more times than I can count, and you've always delivered. At the end of the day, this is business. But it has never been just business. I think--I hope--that we've built up enough of a rapport over the years that this can stay civil. I just want what's best for you, for both of us."

Kalina grinned, disarmingly sarcastic and pithy in face of his sincerity, "Pok Gukgak, are you breaking up with me?"

"'I remember when a river ran through here,'" he quoted, "do you remember saying that?"

"I say a lot of things, Pok, I can't be fucked to remember them all."

"I do. You said that you remembered when a river ran through somewhere, a change that occurs on a geologic time scale. I've known you for seventeen years and you haven't aged a day. You can't interact with certain objects, you never eat, and you travel too quickly."

"It's rude to comment on a lady's age."

"Kalina," he chided, "I already know enough to get you removed from the Third Ring. It's in an encrypted email, scheduled to send some time tomorrow if I don't cancel it. But those files don't actually tell me who you are. Or what you are. As a colleague, as someone I respect, and even as someone I consider a friend, I thought I owed you the opportunity to explain. And as an agent of the Solesian Secret Service, I thought I'd be prudent to give you the opportunity to come over to our side."

If he could convince Kalina accept Solesian amnesty, it'd be a game changer for his position in the Service. He didn't want to blackmail her into it--the email was just insurance that she wouldn't murder him right then and there--but if he could convince her to work for their side...

It'd be enough for a promotion. Or at least a change in departments. He was thirty-eight years old and not getting any younger. It was only a matter of time before he finally got sent on a mission he wouldn't come back from. He'd been in the fucking Service since he was twenty-one. He'd done unspeakable things for them, climbed the ladder with bloody claws, and he'd made it farther than he ever thought he would.

But it still wasn't far enough. He was still one stray shot away from everything crumbling to pieces.

Bringing Kalina over to their side would force his superiors to take him out of field work. It had to, she was a legendary asset. He'd get a promotion and a pay raise, probably becoming a handler, hell, he'd probably be Kalina's handler. He'd have the opportunity to train and advise younger agents and work with already competent ones. He'd have more time at home and more importantly, he wouldn't have to worry every time he left for a mission if this was the last time he'd ever see Sklonda and Riz again.

That was the dream, anyway. He'd settle for not dying today.

"Are you trying to blackmail me into flipping, Gukgak?"

"No, the email is just to make sure you don't kill me right now." So was the restaurant and the twenty-three patrons inside. "I'm not interested in blackmailing you."

"Then what are you interested in?" she asked--demanded, really--finally serious.

"The truth."

She searched his expression.

"I mean it. I'm going to find it eventually, but I'd rather hear it from you."

"You wouldn't find it. I've made sure of it."

He cocked his eyebrow, "And you've never made a mistake?"

Kalina glowered. There was a long pause before either of them said anything else. Pok watched her analyze him, weighing her options and his character. He didn't try to appear as anything other than he was: an honest and concerned friend.

"Have you tried this trick on Riz yet?" she asked, "'Cause I guarantee that kid would fold like a collapsible chair if you tried this on him."

He shrugged, letting her have her flippancy, "Haven't needed to yet."

"Just wait," she said ominously.

Pok hummed and didn't deign that with a response, forcing Kalina to focus on the matter at hand.

"Fuck it," she declared out of the blue, "You want to know what I am?"

"I do."

"Okay."

She told him.

~

There's definitely more here and I might put an extended version of this on AO3 at some point, (if I do that, it'll probably be Pok/Sklonda/Kalina, because. i want to.) but obviously I love this premise. My version is less 'Pok ends up as Kalina's tool' (though she certainly does manipulate him) and more 'in which the Gukgak parents have moralities befitting a cop and a Fantasy CIA agent,' which is a concept I've been playing around with for a while because I Think It's Neat.

[anthroposeen]

tmagp 13 relisten notes!!

there are spoilers for episode 13 below the cut!

celia:

- admits to sam that she asked alice for advice and general information about him. this implies she has a pretty friendly relationship with alice (evidenced by alice buying her a mocha) and seems relatively unthreatened by her past with sam so far.

- "no one, im mysterious" -> evidence for her not being from this dimension, if no one can give a lot of information about her

- reveals jack is her baby! (not followed by a glitch)

- says the past couple years "since the move" (between dimensions?) were weird for her

- believes the incidents they work with are real, and im certain shes in the same boat as the audience rn, trying to categorize them with background knowledge that isnt accurate anymore

sam:

- easy to make blush, doesnt know how cute he is, is an overachiever, obsessive, a but repressed, nosy, kind of a recluse, and very easy to wind up

- gifted kid syndrome poster child; he seems to view being turned away by the magnus institute as the beginning of his rejection streak (not admitted to oxford, didnt get first, got fired from his legal firm). i think this will be a major point in his motivations and a fear of rejection and need for validation is going to drive him to receive the greatness he wants (and believes he has earned). i can already see a corruption arc brewing for him, poor thing

- did NOT tell celia about his experiences in the institute or what his "incident" was (referring to lena's interview where she asked him what the worst thing he's seen/experienced was). this isnt super sketchy considering its a first date, but is interesting since he was the one who wanted "all the baggage" out early

- he doesn't want to accept that the incidents are real, but i think he does believe in them. he brought the topic up to celia and has asked alice about it before too, so he may be aware that the incidents are real, but is unwilling to fully conceptualize what that means for himself and his world view

- says that alice doesnt love the idea of him seeing celia, which means he may have picked up on her feelings for him

gwen:

- feels guilty over instigating the mr.bonzo incident -> whats really interesting is that she doesnt threaten to quit or not be involved, she accepts that she gas another email to look through and another external to interact with, but it seems to upset her

- she asks lena why this (externals and mr bonzo murder) is happening, implying that she can stomach the work if its for a reason

lena:

- gives gwen the ABCs of genre-awareness:

- this dimension also has "opposing forces- most of them meaning to be harmful.

- these "forces" need to be "balanced" and controlled in order to maintain order in the world/system -> still working off of a smirke-esque theory that retaining balance will keep the world secure. i dont know if she means balance between forces of good and evil or forces in the supernatural sense

- says the OIAR is managing the bad guys, as in monitoring their actions and directing externals to "balance" things

alice:

- actually offended that sam doesnt want to share information with her and isnt having a good time knowing sam and celia are seeing each other

- tells sam "he cant prove anything" about the cases being real, but doesnt tell him hes wrong

- i would fling myself from a sky scraper for you, miss dyer, but please never say bussin or fire again

- "stop trying to make an impact" -> the more she tells sam to cut the x-files shit out, the more she stops protesting his suspicions. her scolding has gone from "nothing is going on, chill out" to "sure, theres a conspiracy, but we are paid to ignore it"

-

alice/sam's past:

- dated at uni, previously stated they were together for several years. it seems to have been a decent split since they stayed in contact afterward.

- sam was there for her when her parents died, but lost contact after

- she contacted him w the OIAR job details after he made an exceptionally pathetic vague post

incident:

- centered around gambling and self harm to achieve success- this draws ties to episode 2 (self harm) and episode 9 (luck). i expect this is more aligned with ep 9, as the self harm seems to be in the interest of changing his odds/luck, and the incident is primarily about gaining external success, not physical change. though, ep 2 could be a personal experience with ink5oul that is not representative with their "force"

- the narrator of this statement was quick to actively sacrifice his own well being to achieve better luck, which is a pretty stark contrast to other people who looked to harm other people in their own interest (violin guy and dice guy, i forgot their names sorry!!)

- zorro trader may be a reoccurring organization in relation to gambling

- the narrators options for his debt were to either pay it back or have a personal adjustment, once he completes the voicemail he is transferred to the adjustments apartment, which was not an option on the original call log and something he did not request

- he is promptly adjusted :)

- i think this could be related to the theme of keeping balance, since the incident narrator claims it isnt wrong to play with the loophole, and it ends with him getting what he owes, which is a nice connection to lena's explanation of the OIAR's purpose

glitches/lies:

- "im happy you're happy", alice (she is not happy that sam is with celia!!)

extra comments:

- i really didnt expect an explanation of the OIAR and its position in this so early, and im surprised lena was the one to reveal it. this exposes that shes pretty open with the staff she feels are on a need-to-know basis, and it also changes my expectations for how we'll come across a big reveal in this series, since information is being given in a more open way

- i think alice and celia definitely know something but in opposing ways- acting as foils to each other with sam (information seeker) in the middle. celia knows about how the fears work in the tma dimension, and alice knows why and what the OIAR are really doing- together, they solve the puzzle that sam is trying to piece together.

[the-enzyme]

I tried fixing his wig once again. I feel like it still needs to be a touch darker, and have a heavier gradient effect, from the roots. However, I am so happy with how he's looking so far. I am very much in-love with this figure now! I only wish I could sew decently, so I could hope to recreate te jacket he's wearing here. It's his OG-RE4 jacket that I got with a set, with everything he's wearing here. However, the material the jacket is made out of, is peeling everywhere! It's already literally tearing at the seams. I know it's not going to survive for much longer, so I try to avoid making him wear it.

I did make an accurate top for another Leon I was working on many years ago, it was terrible, but I feel it might not look too bad with the jacket on. Sadly, this one is already disintegrating on me. DX

I will try to remake the top, as I have zero clue where I left the other one. I believe I still have the pattern I made for that one, so I might get away with just sewing a new piece, instead of trying to do another patter. Which I suck at as well, so... (:

This are super repetitive, but I don't have hands that look good, and for some reason my cell's camera exaggerates the size of the hands he's wearing, making him look so disproportionate and weird. I need to repair his right iris, as I damaged that already more than once. I also need to thin the bangs on the right side a bit further. I suck at cutting and styling hair, let alone 1:6 tiny hair. Although this hair is pretty awesome, soft and extra thin (strand wise), I wish I knew what type it was. I was gifted it, by my bff and she doesn't recall where it came from, sadly.

[alatismeni-theitsa]

Hi! I would like to know your opinion with the idea of how cruel the greek gods are represented in modern media (not always, but many times). We have Zeus's despictions as a bad king, a terrible dad and husband, a pervert who only want to impregnant women :/ And he is not the only one, so many male gods: Poseidon, Apollo, Ares... I already know that some myths portrayed them like this... But i don't think the idea lf those myths was: make the god looks like an asshole who don't respect women :/

We are talking mostly about US media, right? Let me know if you have something else in mind, but I can only recall their productions in this case.

I think there's a lack of understanding when it comes to how the Greek gods are/were viewed by Greek societies. Modern producers are approaching this ancient religion from a more recent, Christian lens. You are right: The idea of the myths wasn't to present the gods as villains. People back then had a different philosophy; that humans were at the mercy of the gods, and the gods were beyond "right and wrong" (in the human sense) but they were still just and they could assist humanity.

The myths where male gods couple with human women were symbolic, to explain how certain families or certain natural phenomena came to exist. As ancient Greek societies were extremely patriarchal, little thought was given to how the human women felt in these situations. Often, the women's perspective wasn't even mentioned because in those societies women's sexual desires weren't spoken about. In that cultural context, the women were also supposed to not want to have sex, to "preserve their honor". So even if they wanted to have sex with the gods, they were not supposed to show it, or the story was not supposed to show it, in order to portray them as "good women". Finally, the feelings of humans aren't given much consideration, because the will of the gods has a "higher" priority and a bigger purpose. For these reasons, the focus wasn't on the human women/mothers, and that's not the focus of these myths.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't like to be used by a god without my consent either. But these myths are not to be taken literally! They are just very simple explanations for certain phenomena, and you are not supposed to examine the feelings of gods and humans because this will make you miss the point. That's how these gods were seen as protectors of humanity despite the existence of these stories.

"Asshole", "terrible dad", "misogynist", "terrible husband" and other adjectives really have no point. People of course can joke a bit about how Zeus fucked everyone, but when they believe it literally it looks like they don't understand we are talking about gods. Gods don't care about what you think! Gods are forces of nature, gods are different than humans!

These are not views I support today, and - as I've said in the past - there was a reason the Roman societies (including the Greek one) turned to Christianity very fast. (They were given the option of a more merciful deity) However, I think it's important to understand the ancient gods if you want to portray them accurately, and not look like having the understanding of a toddler!

Sadly, the modern progressive movements don't examine the myths in their context, and as a result, they spend hours and hours ranting about how "horrible" the Greek gods are, about which... forgive me, but literally nobody cares.

If you ask Greek women today about their issues they're not gonna tell you "2.000 years ago we had myths where women were not given proper consent". We have much larger, and more real issues. It's usually Westerners with too much time and decent salaries who spend too many hours blaming ancient gods for being... ancient gods 😬 You can tell I am salty here because the femicides in Greece finally get to see the light of day and none of these Western women with degrees in Classics batted an eye. They rant right and left about ancient Greek fictional women and how "bad" the gods were while ignoring our ancient and modern reality.

[mellifloss]

Making an update here on my current stance regarding the state of the current events in JP enstars since I realised that the way I've posted here might not show it.

So the current situation with Ibuki and Akatsuki isn't necessarily surprising to me regarding the frequently subpar portrayal of the Amagi brother's heritage, Adonis mystery Middle Eastern background and certain other themes in the story, but from what I've observed in the current plot of the English translation (I have not read every story), usually when a questionable statement has been made about another character's background or characteristics it's been through statements from other characters. You could certainly argue that it's still not great, but it can often be at least plausible that the statement is meant to show a character's ignorance or bias, rather than a statement the writers or happyele themselves believe and endorse. In those cases it leaves space for characters to get to know each other better and grow, which could make for a decent or good handling or difficult themes. We've also seen that happyele has the potential to develop in their portrayal of characters regarding some themes, such as Naruchan's gender identity. (Although the English/American translation certainly drops the ball here frequently.)

That being said, there's clearly more going on right now than you could reasonably chalk up to things like this. I'm not going to go into details because I have not directly read or interacted with any of the new content. I have not seen the livestream, I haven't read the story (since I'm not good enough to read it in Japanese and catch all the potential nuance and subtext effectively I don't think reading it in Japanese will help me understand everything correctly, and given that this is a sensitive and high stress topic for many I'm also not confident that any unofficial translation will be both accurate and also not interpreting the original text more negatively than there is cause to do), and I have not seen the new MV. I'm therefore not really qualified to explain the situation and other accounts are already doing a better job.

However, even beyond this current Ibuki/Akatsuki situation I have already been reacting to imagery and turns of phrase that have given patriotic, nationalist or fascist vibes that I have been uncertain about whether or not they are unintended, intended but meant to be showing a negative side to a character, or just straight up are meant as such on happyele's side (or at least individuals in their staff). It's a big accusation to make and I'm not comfortable making it right now.

I haven't actively sat down and analysed it, so I'm unsure if my gut is correct, and I haven't compared phrasing in the original Japanese and English translations so I don't know what's there or not there originally. I also haven't directly verified my vibes about imagery.

Some things that are rooted in discriminatory practices/speech/imagery are so normalised that even though they should still be challenged they don't necessarily stem from ill intent. (Speaking here about all instances of questionable things in enstars overall and not specifically anything that's happening in the current Ibuki/Akatsuki sitaution, as I said, I haven't actually directly engaged with any of it so I don't know for sure either way.)

I'm sick and I'm feeling slow and sluggish and I don't know if I'm making correct judgements in everything ´ v ` )a ;;;

I was/am hoping that I was wrong in what I've been picking up on but it seems I might not be. No matter what the writers'/happyele's intentions are, I'm hoping that the backlash can make them change and improve, but I doubt that it's going to be a quick change. They've clearly already worked on this extensively since they've been rerecording Akatsuki songs to include Ibuki, so they probably don't have a way to pivot immediately, since they're unlikely to just shut down the game to fix things even if they wanted to change direction now.

Finally, some notes on the boycott. I do think it's worth doing and should be done, but simply not spending money is not enough if you really want to make a statement. You need to also not log in, and probably also uninstall the app from your phone. Even if you're not spending money, interacting with the game shows you're still an active user, which happyele can use to show investors the worth of their game and keep getting money even if you're not actively paying them yourself. (Aster explains why better than I can in relation to the attempted Genshin boycott.) Personally I haven't paid them money now since the news broke, and although it started because I was too tired to log in because I was sick I also haven't been logging in to the game either for some days. I haven't deleted the app, and I do understand why you'd be hesitant to, so I'm not gonna get up on some moral high horse and say that you all have to participate fully in the boycott, but if you are serious about it you can't be playing the game. Playing the game is not boycotting it.

Anyway, this got long but since I've been mostly quiet about it I wanted to put this here for anyone wondering what my stance is, since I've continued to make fanart. I'm still emotionally attached to some of the characters (cough) and I've still not decided what to do about the game long term, so you can expect to still see me engaging in the enstars fandom at least for a while. I don't know if I'll move on to something else at some point or not. In the end, few large franchises are entirely problem free, and the rhythm gameplay in enstars is my favourite currently, so happyele might win over my resolve. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ also the enstars songs are my last line of defense against losing my mind at work so unless I find something else to cope with I'm toast

[alexanderwales]

Disclaimer: this is a very long ask. Please feel free to ignore it if you're busy, or for any other reason - 'I love your work!' is a decent summary. Hello Mr. Wales! And belated welcome to tumblr from someone else who also spent years seeing tumblr screenshots on reddit and twitter before joining.

I read Significant Digits a while back (immediately after reading HPMoR) and enjoyed it a lot, so thank you for that! More recently, I've tried doing some writing myself, with middling success (a HPMoR, Delve, Mother of Learning and Mage Errant crossover).

One of my readers left a long and fascinating comment on my fic, in which they quoted your review of HPMoR at length: https://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/threads/a-call-to-the-dark-city-delve-mother-of-learning-hpmor-mage-errant-multicross.127432/post-30801851

I found that I disagreed with your thoughts quite a bit, which surprised me! My response is in the next post in that chain, but the gist (ignoring context specific to my fic) is this exchange:

Harry does not win the climax of the fic by having overcome his flaws, he wins it through brutal murder. The biggest organic change he undergoes is from believing in the value of truth to advocating for multiple conspiracies against both the wizarding and muggle worlds, and if that's character growth, I find it ugly.

My (shortened) response:

As Alexander Wales notes, Harry *does* change in HPMOR: he becomes less open, less willing to share information widely, and shifts focus from local issues (people and ethics near him) to what he considers global risks and outcomes. As a reader, I'm not too interested in whether or not the change in Harry's character is in a 'good' direction, or whether or not he becomes a better person, or whether or not his views over time gradually approach my own. For me, the most important thing in a story is that it is *interesting* - and I find Harry's arc in HPMOR very interesting.

I'm curious about if you have thoughts on the general debate there - to what extent do you think writers should prioritise faithful simulation of characters and setting vs. giving the characters an arc with an emotionally satisfying conclusion? Or is deciding initial conditions such that accurate simulation leads to a satisfying character arc and emotional conclusion *the real puzzle*?

Thanks again - I've enjoyed your writing a lot over the years, and expect to enjoy it more soon! (About 10 of my readers have independently recommended that I read Worth the Candle based on the stories I've included in my fic, so it's pretty close to the top of my reading list :p )

(I am obligated to point out that Significant Digits was not mine. I wrote a very short epilogue here, but nothing of the length or complexity of any of the notable fan sequels.)

I've been thinking about how to answer this for a bit, but I think what it comes down to for me is that I want a story to have a clear thematic, emotional, or intellectual through line. I want a story to be about some specific thing, and then take that thing through its paces, and to have us come out the other end having explored that thing in its fullness.

To some extent, I like stories best when they're driving at some singular vision, which I know as a sprawling webfic author probably seems insane. So if the ultimate conclusion is "yes, we should commit conspiracies against people for their own good" then I would like for the early parts of the story to show us why that's the case, ideally by having some truth be put out into the world that causes damage, or by showing how a lesser conspiracy worked to protect something, or whatever else. Or contrarily, if it's the work's position that conspiracies are bad things, then it should show us how and why they're bad, and why this character is making that decision anyway. Or if the work isn't sure how it feels about this thing, I still want them to explore it, to see the different scenarios and thoughts.

I'm an avowed fan of HPMOR, and I am unfortunately the sort of fan that has a lot of critical takes about the things that I enjoy. My biggest problem with HPMOR is that it's not thematically "whole": the individual parts don't feel like they mesh that well together (in my opinion). With that said, I haven't reread HPMOR in a very long time, and my arguments are rusty, so I don't want to give them here.

I think my desire for thematic cohesion is probably work-dependent, but even so, is also probably at the far end of reader preferences. Some people are perfectly happy to read things that are more simulationist in nature: a character does things because that's what they would do, and if this doesn't build up to some grand theme or climactic showdown, so be it. I do think a lot of the trick of writing is making character stuff work in harmony with plot stuff, because you don't want people to feel like "oh, he just did that because the plot demanded it" (though they will say that about almost anything, in my experience).

I don't think that HPMOR is fatally flawed for its thematic wanderings, and I do think there's some sense in which it's best read as a you'd read a TV show with multiple "seasons" which are individually about something but don't necessarily have as solid of a through line. It's just a personal preference thing, I guess.

[justanotherbirdbrain-blog]

may i receive your rant on why every videogame ever chooses to have columnar basalt in places basalt should not be, like in unsuspecting caves or just dotting beaches with no volcano in sight... because god, that gets me going.

Let me preface this rant by saying, I love when videogames at least try, like I can look at a rock and actually say, "hey that's columnar basalt and not *generic rock texture*" (Pokemon Scarlet and Violet's texture shortened my lifespan). So generally speaking, if I can tell at least vaguely that someone googled photos of rocks when creating a game I am more happy than not, but!

My GOODNESS! I think I could extend this rant to just videogame cave systems in general! Like, caves are only formed in limestones and marbles (And some limey sandstones and salt deposits), BUT for some reason we are mining and finding Rubies? Emeralds? Metals? These caves they are depicting are clearly just supposed to be these natural caves and not abandoned mines, which would give them some leeway to put whatever desirable gemstone or ore they wanted in the game, but they don't choose that for some reason, and it is beyond me why!

And can we talk about how all of these caves got there in the first place? Like limestone only forms in marine environments! Are you telling me that the entire continent you designed was underwater to the extent to have a spiraling cave system forming at least every ten miles of trail explored (Skyrim I am looking at you)? And how acidic is your rain? Are we experiencing an industrial evolution? I CANNOT, also in what situation are these random massive quartz crystals in otherwise fine-grained material forming? Like one, Who would actually leave that laying there? No one. And two, how is this forming? Like are you trying to say this formed after the cave was created or what? If that's the case the more likely mineral would be calcite or gypsum.

My little bird brain can't wrap my head around what they are trying to do here! (The second image is from ESO and I give it a lot of lenience and to be fair they are trying to depict these are geodes that are surrounded by a massive basalt but they are also showing stalactites and stalagmites which aren't in basalts so it still gets points docked).

But yes! Seeing inaccurate geology, columnar basalts included can take you out of a game so fast, same with the imaginary ores that are kind of based off real metals. I think I would be more ok with completely fake names, because then at least I wouldn't have anything to associate it with.

That being said! I will end this rant by pointing out videogames that when either I was playing or my fiancé was playing I was pleasantly surprised by the geology/accurate textures.

ESO- elder scrolls online, I know I just docked it points above, but genuinely they do an amazing job depicting different rock types to the point that on their islands they have limestones. with. fossils. I nearly cried. Of course they still have random metal seems everywhere but it is an MMO and resources are necessary so I can ignore that as long as they keep making accurate landscapes.

Titanfall- I will just add an image because it will speak volumes

like does that shale/siltstone have ripple marks in the middle right hand side? beautiful. amazing. perfect. chief's kiss. (Apex also does a decent job which is a battle royale game that takes place after the Titanfall games, the textures aren't as good obviously but you can definitely tell what kind of rocks are at each map)

3. Horizon Zero Dawn- the graphics in this game are just genuinely impeccable and it takes place in the US but after the collapse of civilization. In a lot of ways, I think it made it a bit easier for the designers, but they still did an amazing job depicting the rocks accurately! I believe there is a Youtube video which compares the actual locations to the videogame locations.

some obviously tilted sedimentary rocks

sandstone arches

@cosmic-tuna please add more games if you know any!

[3liza]

Saw your post asking about insulin resistance without high blood sugar, and yeah I have experience with that exact thing. Everyone in my family has some sort of awful blood sugar issues, but despite having something clearly wrong with me my glucose tests and a1c's were coming back thoroughly normal. I got lucky with a decent doctor and she ordered an insulin test (usually more accurate with fasting I believe, but the result was rather high anyways) and she noted that it was high and told me to try out a diabetes diet to see if it helped.

I'm on a strict low-glycemic index diet now and it's really improved my health, mostly my mental health, but my skin has been upgraded from "abysmal" to a firm "mediocre."

Do I know what's wrong? No. Probably never will, but I'm feeling a lot better at least.

huh. thats useful info. im about to get a new doctor, i wonder if she'll be willing to entertain this sort of weirdness

edit: i just feel Bad and Sick if i eat a sufficient amount of sugar. systemic symptoms, skin gets worse, actual skin pathology like wounds not healing or eczema/psoriasis/fungus gets worse, migraines get triggered, pain flares, etc. not normal person "i ate too much sugar i feel temporarily sub-optimal" halloween candy coma, but i will get actually sick for a few days if i over-indulge. but i crave sugar constantly, which doesnt really mean anything, lots of people crave sugar because It Tastes Good so its not exactly diagnostic. sometimes the sugar cravings seem uncontrollable, like "i need to get out of bed where i am trying to sleep and eat something sweet or i cant think about aything else" kind of stuff. my parents do this same dance with carbohydrates and sugar, they feel awful, eat a cookie, feel awful, recover, say stuff like "oh i shouldnt eat the cookie", and it cycles. some of it is eating disorder crap, which is real hard to differentiate from other issues. some of it is being underweight/underfed from gastroparesis (which I have, pretty badly) which means certain circumstances of calorie shortages, bad digestion, whatever, can align perfectly to trigger I Am Starving I Need to Overeat Right Now Or I'll Die programming in the ape brain, and again, thats real hard to separate from blood sugar symptoms and eating disorder symptoms because they all get tied up together.

however, if i manage to grocery shop in the correct way to provide myself with ample available appropriate food, and i can eat ketogenic or nearly-ketogenic with focuses on dairy fat and just regular animal meat and fresh veg, with minimal or no grains, starches, and sugars, i feel like 60% better on all axes. my dad, too, eventually, after he got diagnosed, was instructed to stop eating most carbs etc and immediately lost all the extra weight he was uncomfortable with his whole life, and immediately got less chronically crappy-feeling. so there's something going on, i just dont know if its medical or genetic or what. some people just dont do well with a lot of grains and theres no particular medical reason.

[riacte]

MCC 9 / All Stars Blue Bats - Sky Battle and Survival Games Analysis

(Reposted on Reddit! If you've been around my blog since 2021, this is just a rehash of my old posts from that time :D)

Since it's September and it'll be three years since the iconic MCC9, I decided to move some of my Blue Bats analysis here. As Ren puts, I still "think fondly of the Blue Bats".

In hindsight, it's probably kind of obvious that Blue9's success in Sky Battle (MCC9's first game that they got 3rd in) foreshadowed their overwhelming success in Survival Games. The Blue Bats survived the first round of SkB as a full team, and I believe that was the first time SkB was played, so that was pretty cool for an "underdog" team. H even screamed "I did nothing and I'm proud of that!" and Fruit pointed out they didn't even lose a single player. Later, in SG, they once again survived as a full team (significantly harder to do so compared to a single round of SkB).

It's not a coincidence - the four of them play different roles that are equally essential. They work like a well oiled machine which helps them power through PvP/ team games like SkB and SG.

HBomb is naturally the leader and strategiser. He was in charge of their strategy in Sky Battle. Similarly, he (and Fruit) was the one who led the Bats to loot around the border and gear up in Survival Games. H unites the team with his charisma. He makes the call outs. Everyone else follows. H knows what his teammates are good at, and thus knows how to assigns roles.

Classic examples of H's talent scouting: predicting False would pop off in Dodgebolt before he even actually talked to her (False killed H in one round of Skyblockle in MCC8 and he said she "scared the heck outta him"), and teaching Ren to sandkeep in MCC9, and Ren eventually became known as a good sandkeeper. H was already familiar with Fruit's skillset before MCC9, but the way he accurately pointed out False and Ren's core strengths when he just met them is crazy. (People didn't really think of the hermits competitively before MCC9. Although H did VOD review the two of them.)

Fruitberries is of course the key player when it comes to PvP, and he's in charge of combat. Fruit killed Dream and Techno in the first round of SkB, then went on to get a whopping eight kills in SG. Fruit’s just naturally cracked and with H to reel him in, he just goes insane. Fruit’s one of the first to approach any dangers, and when he’s in danger, H is ready to back him up. There is a very good reason why H + PvPer is a dangerous combo. They make up for each other's weaknesses and they compliment each other scarily well.

Everyone probably knows about the ferocity and power of Cherrybomb, but how about Ren and False, the first two hermits to win?

Ren is the so-called “support”. He was in charge of mining iron blocks and making armour in Sky Battle. He was also in charge of resource management in Survival Games. However, Ren had a tendency to stray, and that was exactly how he got killed in the 3rd round of Sky Battle. Afterwards, H told him to stick with the group. In SG, Ren was running around and finding chests, and learning from previous experience, his teammates made sure he didn't stray. In SG, the Bats rarely split up for long, so they stayed together and they dominated.

Ren also gives the others loot to better protect them (him telling Fruit to take his armour in the early stages of SG). Ren loyally follows orders, and while leaders are important, they need followers too. This is why Ren and H compliment each other well.

I want to stress the importance of Ren's "support" / "storage" role in SG. A big part of how Blue9 won SG is their gear (everyone had iron armour at least, they also had decent weapons and abundant food). Ren picked up twentyish arrows from Sapnap's loot, he gave some to Fruit, then False said she needed arrows so Fruit offered to split, but Fruit didn't need to do that because Ren had already split it for them, saving them time and the confusion of throwing each other gear. Ren isn't just a storage box, he knows what his teammates need, and he gives it to them.

False, as pointed out by other people, is observant and has a high spatial awareness. She reminded both H and Fruit of the border during the first round of Sky Battle. She did that for other teammates in Skyblockle in previous MCCs, and continues to take notice of the border in all MCCs up till now. In SG, she was frequently the one to remind Ren to come back, and kept a lookout for other teams. (False's spatial awareness and instincts also shines through in MCC19 SG, but that'll be another post.) She keeps an eye on events unfolding as Fruit and H charge into battle.

As a False main, I know she's generally good at surveying the battlefield / keeping track of her teammates / noticing the border (it's not a False SkB POV if she's not yelling about the border lol), and because Blue9 had excellent comms and they listened to her, her instincts could shine.

So really, the Blue Bats’ individual strengths and team strength were displayed in their first round of Sky Battle, and SG just showed their strengths off perfectly, with H as the leader/strategizer, Fruit as the nimble PvPer/ bridger, False as the observant spotter and Ren as the support who managed resources and built walls. False and Ren's roles could be easily neglected because those aren't flashy roles, but they're critical for the success of the entire team. MCC, at its core, is a team-based tournament. They're stronger together. The full team survived in Sky Battle, a PvP/team game. The full team also survived in Survival Games, a PvP/team game.

So, Survival Games Domination might not be as shocking as one might think. Sure, they got lucky, but it was absolutely not a fluke, since their success in Sky Battle set the stage. MCC9 Blue Bats has always been a cohesive and tight knit story.

I'll add in a bit for All Stars here, since the Bats got second in AS SkB. Similarly, the Bats survived their first round as a full team, further proving that MCC9 SkB was not a fluke. To add to the parallels, H also screamed "I did nothing!". They did well in AS SkB in the same way they did well in MCC9 SG. The composition of the Blue Bats as a team and their individual strengths basically spells it out. I would even dare to say it's inevitable that they're going to do well if they communicate and have high morale. (Funnily enough they were sad when SG was chosen in MCC9 because it was their least wanted game.)

It's also cute that you can tell False and Ren have become a lot more confident in All Stars when compared to teaming with Fruit and H in MCC9.

In MCC9, when H asked whether False would like to go left or right in Battle Box, she laughed and said she didn't know. In All Stars, H asked False to play as the hunter for one round in PkTand False just casually said "yeah, yeah, I can! It's on me." And we know how she told him to shut up in MCC29 Dodgebolt. False's taking charge!

In MCC9, Ren was feeling a little sad about getting 30th individual but everyone cheered him up by saying he was better than 10 other people. In All Stars, Ren also got 30th individual at one point but he was pretty happy about it because he "usually did worse" haha. The team in general became a lot more comfortable with each other.

Even though it's been almost three years since then, MCC9 Blue Bats remains my favourite team and POV. They're just unbeatable in my mind - the underdog arc, the shounen-esque hero's journey, the slick communication, the way everyone's individual strengths shone, the pioneers of Hermit + S tier teams, the butterfly effect this team-up caused (eg. H in Vault Hunters, Ren's MCC crown and his Third Life Red King lore), everything about it. Blue Bats Supremacy :D