#// but i've never actually fuckin like... talked about it on the blog

[kentophilia]

𝐨𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐠𝐨𝐝, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬!

contains: character x character, alcohol consumption, smoking, frotting, anal fingering, sub!toji, dom!nanami, whiney toji, something something bisexual tojinana <3; word count: 2k

reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated!!

minors, ageless and empty blogs will be blocked immediately!

the lock clicked and in stumbled toji and kento, both very drunk and very horny. they sported a fat boner each, feeling too awkward to look at each other despite being roommates for years.

they both took off their shoes and jackets, an uncomfortable silence hanging over them. kento was in the middle of getting them both a glass of water when toji blurted out: “wanna make out?”

the blond man could only nod.

toji had drunkenly confessed to kento that he thinks he might like guys too, in that slurred speech he always has when intoxicated. kento, a heavyweight in drinking and still feeling quite sober, was taken aback but also intrigued. so he stayed quiet.

“ah, forget i ever said anything, i’m just drunk.” toji had waved him off when kento wanted to talk to him about it later. “let's get more shots!”

well, those few shots later, toji had brought the topic up again, cigarette in hand.

“y’know, if i was gay, i’d fuck ya, ken,” he slurred. kento took a long drag from his cigarette, looking at his roommate with raised eyebrows.

“i mean, what's not t’like? y’r handsome, smart, come from a good family and you make people very happy from what i heard.” the black-haired man winked at him and took another swig from his beer. toji laughed boisterously when kento cringed at that last part and its insinuation. the walls were thin and the amount of times they had heard each other fuck was astronomical.

“thanks, toji. but who's saying you’d do the fuckin’?” kento retorted, causing toji to swiftly choke on his beer. when their gazes met, the tension started to rise, a spark waiting for a match to strike.

“i ain't no bottom.”

well, that statement was quickly retracted when, in their drunken stupor, kento and toji found themselves on their shared couch. lips conjoined, spit swapped and toji whimpering under kento's touch. toji was trapped under kento’s large build, his thick legs wrapped around the other’s waist and hips seemingly having a mind of their own.

toji leaned back, panting, “i've never had anything in my ass before, not even a finger.”

“y’sure you don't wanna try? feels good from what i heard,” kento murmured against toji’s wet lips. toji was flushed, crimson rising from his chest to his cheeks to the tips of his ears. “you tried it?” he whispered, scared to talk any louder.

kento nodded, pulling his shirt over his head. “only on my own though, but it did feel nice. and my gay friends can't seem to get enough of it, so there must be something to it.” he delved down to toji’s jaw, leaving gentle kisses in his wake.

toji whined, feeling out of his element since he usually did that part. taking care of someone, their pleasure, making them flustered and see stars. it was embarrassing for him to be in that position but not necessarily unpleasant. kento’s lips against his scorching skin felt… really good, actually. his hands were everywhere, on kento’s shoulders, in his hand, on his back, his hips, his—

toji sobered up very quickly there, apologizing profusely when he was interrupted by kento gently taking his hand, cold into warm, and placed it on his heavy bulge. he then placed his own on toji’s, forcing a whimper out of the mean-mugged man at the friction.

“it's okay. you can always say stop and we’ll stop. i won't do anything you don't want, toji. i just wanna make you feel good. because i am.”

as those words left kento’s lips, toji pulled him down, their lips crashing together once more. as their tongues danced around each other, toji pushed kento back, straddling him. he felt like he was going to explode, arousal thickening his blood to the point where toji couldn't think straight anymore.

they only parted for toji to almost rip off his shirt out of nervousness. as soon as the fabric was gone, he dove right back in, teeth clacking against kento’s. the blond man chuckled at toji’s eagerness. it was a little awkward, big hands and muscles everywhere but neither complained. the seams of their jeans created the most delicious friction on their restrained cocks.

“kentooo…feels so good,” toji whined, drool threatening to spill out of his mouth. kento could only watch with half-lidded eyes, watching intently where their clothed bodies met. he never in his wildest dreams would've thought that toji, his roommate, one of his closest friends, the loudest, rudest and most confident man he knew, would fall apart like this.

the heat between them felt like an impending supernova and they shed themselves of their clothes, trying to combat it. sure, they'd seen each other naked at home on accident – more or less – and after practice in the showers. but still, seeing toji’s build – and cock – right in front of his face made kento flustered. little did he know that toji felt the same.

the latter got comfortable on kento’s lap again, their dicks touching and twitching against each other. a warm hand wrapped around their lengths and kento started a slow jerking motion. a simultaneous groan of “oh fuuuck” erupted from their chests, their hips moving in tandem. toji let drool run down his lips onto their cocks, lubricating whatever kento was doing to him. toji didn't understand, mind too hazy from the alcohol and the arousal rushing all the way down to his dick.

“ken, please,” toji whimpered, “more.”

kento could only oblige, how could he say no when he was asked so nicely, all breathy and desperate?

he moved his hand faster, the friction becoming almost too much to bear. toji’s spit and their precum made it more slippery, adding to the intoxicating rush.

toji gripped kento’s shoulders, nails leaving indents with the ferocity he was holding onto the other man and kento groaned. the blond man leaned forward, lips attaching to toji’s collarbone, sucking on the damp skin.

“need, haa… need more, kento. please, wanna try it,” the raven-haired male whimpered, the alcohol making it hard to finish without added stimulation. kento could barely make out the words. but when his brain finally registered them, he gasped and gripped toji's face, squishing the latter’s cheeks. the hand that was currently jerking them off halted and toji cried out.

“what'd you say?” kento inquired, heart and mind racing.

“mmm – wanna try it. wanna have your fingers in me, please?” toji begged through smushed cheeks. kento paused, trying to sober up and bring himself back to earth. there were tears making their way to toji’s dark eyes at the silence that settled between them. scared that he'd asked too much of his roommate, toji tried to wiggle out of kento’s grasp, but to no avail.

“let me get some lube then.” kento’s gentle voice reached toji’s bright red ears and he was gently pushed off the other’s lap and onto the soft couch before kento sprinted to his room. he emerged soon enough, a small bottle in his hand.

“it'd hurt without it,” he mused, awkwardly wiggling it between his fingers. toji let out a huff through his nose, shuffling around. “how d’ya want me?”

they were back to their original position, kento hovering above toji, lube being warmed up between his fingers. toji spread his legs, looking away with a burning blush as he exposed himself.

kento gave him a warm smile. “you sure you wanna do this? and with me?”

toji gave a nod, his blush intensifying. “yeah. if anyone puts a finger in my ass, i'd want it to be you. and we already got this far,” he grumbled, feeling even more exposed under kento's attentive gaze. the blond man breathed out an “okay” before leaning back on his haunches. “i've never done this to another person before either so we're somewhat in the same boat.”

toji laughed, “oh yeah, totally the same thing.”

kento cringed at himself and got more comfortable, putting a throw pillow under toji's hips for more leverage. one hand was spreading the cheeks while the other found toji’s twitching hole, spreading some lube onto it. toji flinched and relaxed immediately, the sensation so unfamiliar to him. kento circled his finger around it, registering toji’s noises and reactions.

pushing past the tight ring of his entrance, toji let out a pornographic whine. one that made him slap his hands on his mouth out of embarrassment. kento smiled, peeling them off. “there's no one here, keep ‘em comin’.”

toji didn't know what to do with his hands, fingers twitching and rummaging to find something, anything to hold on to while kento provided him with pleasure. it was so unfamiliar, a little sting at the stretch but it felt so good. kento started thrusting his finger in and out of toji’s hole, his mouth agape and sweat running down his temple. toji started moaning unabashedly, eyes threatening to close but the need to watch kento was stronger. he was so focused on the way toji’s hole was sucking him in and toji swore he could feel his heart flutter.

kento started pushing in a second finger gently, feeling the resistance of toji's hole and slowly but surely edging it away. the black-haired man squirmed, gasping, “oh fuck, oh fuck!” at every gentle thrust.

kento started curling his fingers, seemingly looking for something in toji’s velvet walls. “digging for gold?” toji giggled and suddenly whimpered when kento pressed against a certain spot, precum running out of his swollen tip. “found it,” kento chuckled.

“wh-wha…what's that?” toji questioned, barely able to string a cohesive sentence together due to the white hot pleasure burning through his body.

kento grinned, adjusting their positions without pulling out, toji straddling him again on wobbly knees. “it's your prostate – s’posed to make ya feel really good,” kento murmured, still moving his fingers slowly. toji whined and started moving his hips, desperately trying to find that kind of pleasure again.

kento gripped both of their cocks again, a low moan emitting from his throat at the friction. toji kept grinding on his fingers, the ecstasy multiplied by kento’s warm hand and their cocks twitching against each other. “that's it, keep moving,” kento ordered and toji obliged, chasing his orgasm. the blond man started increasing the pace on his jerking, every tug more delicious than the last.

kento felt himself grow close. toji’s hole warm and clenching around his fingers, the cock hot and heavy against his and the sinful whimpers right in his ear had him spiraling quickly. he curled his fingers again, pressing against toji’s prostate and keeping the rough pads of his digits right there. toji reacted immediately, almost shouting at this point, white flashing behind his eyelids. his eyes were screwed shut, loud moans of “please, please – gonna cum” echoing in kento’s ears. he stored that away for later.

“go ahead, cum for me, toji,” kento whispered loud enough for the other to hear. toji’s burning gaze found his as he spilled all over kento’s hand, hole clenching and unclenching almost as rhythmically as his heart. a moan of kento’s name spilled from toji’s spit-slicked lips as he rode out his high, effectively pushing kento towards his. expletive groans left kento’s throat as he made an even bigger mess of them both, slowing down both of his hands as the overstimulation set in.

he let go of their softening cocks and pulled out his fingers with a lewd squelch, feeling toji slump against him. he quickly wiped his hands on the shirt that was thrown over the backrest before returning his touch to the man on top of him.

“i would've done this sooner if i’d known how good it is,” toji mumbled sleepily against kento’s shoulder. the latter chuckled and patted the damp black hair. “you always know better afterwards.”

“you know what would've made it even better?” toji murmured, heartbeat slowing down and drowsiness taking over. kento hummed in question.

“having a girl sit on my face.”

that was the last thing toji said about it before dozing off and kento struggling to get him into bed. though, he kept that information safely hidden in the back of his mind.

they never mentioned it again after that, acting like nothing had changed. but the underlying sexual tension never truly left their friendship.

a/n: this was only supposed to be a flashback for The Threesome but i got carried away >///< i'm still so proud of this as it was my first time writing character x character <3 @aiyaaayei

networks: @houseofsolisoccasum @interstellar-inn

© kentophilia 2024 — all rights reserved. do not plagiarize, translate, modify or steal any of my works.

[catsfor2]

hit me, pt 1

word ct.: 2.3k, largely unedited gen: boxer!ellie x med student!reader au!!!, reader is a barista, ellie is mean (she has her reasons), reader is a pretty princess femme because i said so, also ellie says dyke (because i said so)(but not in this chapter lol) warnings: swearing/language, age diff (reader is 19 ellie is 23), drug use (alcohol), eventual smut, angst

a/n: this chapter is a kinda slow start, i mostly just wanted write some establishing dialogue type stuff. i want this to be a medium length ish fic. definitely nsfw in the future. i’m also going to (attempt) to have a more organized pov switching order? idk maybe each part switches between ellie and reader or maybe 1 switch per part? idk. lmk what u think. if you like my writing pls interact on this post or even visit my blog to submit a hc, drabble, or fic idea! requests are open

a/n 2: also, thank you sm to everyone who voted on the poll!!! will totally be doing more of those in the future

part 1.5

You were so drunk. Like, so fucking drunk. Legs wobbling and cheeks flushed, an idiot could notice how intoxicated you were. Hanging off of your friends and approaching strangers. A mess, is what you looked like. You'd learned to restrict yourself over the years, as your friends have informed you of all of the humiliating behaviors you exhibit drunk.

You weren't too worried about anything, though. It's your first night drinking in a while—you're up at university now. Rarely do you get to join Dina and her friends by actually consuming the alcohol—you usually just pass. However, tonight, you wanted to get fucked up. You wanted to forget. Fortunately Dina's a good host, and an even better friend. If anyone was going to be holding your hair back at the end of the night, it would probably be her.

The very first thought you had was holy shit, this is not Dina holding my hair. You shouldn't say 'holding', really. Whoever's hand was in your hair was gripping, hard.

"Shut up, you're fine. Here—drink. No, not sip, drink." A voice directs, bringing a cold cup of water to your mouth.

The first sip is disgusting, the stale tastes of alcohol on your tongue washing down your throat.

Oh Christ, is this one of Dina's friends? How do I not remember her? And her...huge shoulders?

"Seriously—fuckin' drink or I'll make you." The same voice says, meaner and harsher. This person talked to you like you were an animal.

The hand that clutches your hair lets go, and surprisingly gently, rakes over your head a few times to smooth it out. You absentmindedly lean into the touch, too far past the threshold to stop yourself.

The hand moves to your nape as you start to drink, cradling. Her fingers just barely reach around the sides of your neck.

You hesitantly gulp about half the glass of water before the brunette puts it back on the counter.

"Ewwww, is that sink water?" You whine, your face scrunching.

"What, it's not good enough for you? You want Fiji? Fuck is the problem?"

Her tone sobers you up for a moment, locking your eyes to the tiles. You couldn't look at someone while they yelled at you.

Slouching on the floor while she hovers over you, you pull the edges of your dress over your folded legs, only just now feeling the bareness. Your hands stay clutched in the fabric.

"Are you done now?" She says. Rudely, you think. She could've meant 'done' with your vomiting or with your complaining, you weren't quite sure.

"Yeah...I think so. Thank you. Um, really, thank you." You try to say, still feeling stuffy and weighted from all the liquor in your system. She looks at you so intensely you turn your head to escape her gaze.

"Dina asked me to." She takes a damp towel and wipes around your face. "Plus you're so drunk it's a fuckin' liability."

"I'm—m'sorry. Who are you? I've never seen you at one of Dina's...things...before, I don't think."

Her hand stills, wet rag still in it. Her eyes hold yours for a moment, closely and intensely, before darting away again.

“Yeah, you haven’t.”

She rolls up her sleeves before wiping over your collarbones and you spot her tattoo. It takes your gaze up the length of her arms, and you simply let your eyes wander over her figure for as long as you want.

"You should probably throw that dress away. Y'got shit all over it now." She states.

Well.

You look down and see that the moisture on your dress has made it completely see through. Your arm moves to drape across your chest to cover your vibrantly patterned bra and your breasts awkwardly spilling out of it.

"Come on, that's jus mean," you complain. "...ignoring me like that. Please, please, pleeease tell me your name..." Your voice is drunken, high-pitched, and definitely annoying. The woman in front of you grimaces.

"No."

"Why not?" You giggle a bit. "I'll tell you mine."

It was kind of your specialty. Annoying people. Her eyebrows shift downwards. No response.

"Hm, ok. I'll ask Dina." You say, a tiny smile trying to break through your face.

"Do it. See if I give a fuck."

"Woooaahhhh, somebody's got a bee in her bonnet! Who peed in your wheaties?"

"You did. And you're at least sixty-fucking-years-old for even saying that," She tosses the rag behind her and puts her hands on her knees to stand all the way up. "y/n."

Your face lights up an in instant. You scramble to your feet.

"How--how do you know mine? But I can't know yours!?"

"Just how it is. I have to go now." She says, throwing her khaki jacket on her back.

"But--hey, hold on, I don't have a ride home anymore! Everyone's left by now!"

"Not my problem. Call your fucking boyfriend or something." She barks, hands now defensively in her pockets.

A laugh promptly bursts out of you, and you impulsively reach out to grasp her shoulder. Your fingers brush over the collar of her jacket.

"O-kay," you quip, "hold on--cause, I don't have a boyfriend, silly," Her eyes bore into yours as your face draws even nearer. "I'm a lesbian..." You whisper giddily, as if it's something only she gets to know.

Her eyes flit away from you as her mouth purses and flattens, like she's contemplating on how to deal with you. In a moment her pupils are locked with yours again.

"Wow, so fucking special, aren't you, princess?" Her last word is a little less bold, less certain than the rest, like it wasn't entirely intentional. You blush, full body and wholeheartedly.

Princess. Princess?

Your grin widens uncontrollably, and you feel yourself giving in to the hazy pleasure of the alcoholic buzz in your blood. Your hands palm your own thighs as you speak.

"Oh...princess? I like that. I've never—I've never been...called that, before. Before now." You breathe out, eyes fluttery and tired.

She didn't snap at you immediately this time. No, instead, she begins to smile. A lazy, smug, confident smile that burns your stomach.

"You're gonna be real fuckin' embarrassed when you remember this tomorrow. Fuckin'—prissy bitch like you acting all shameless."

“You don’t know who I am,” You mutter, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear. "and this? This is not shameless. Do you wanna see shameless? What that actually looks like?" You ask, voice quiet on purpose.

"...No. Fuck no." She denies, that microscopic crack of a smile still evident on her face.

She's very pretty when she smiles. Sooooo pretty.

"You swear way too much, you know that?"

"No, I didn't fucking know that."

Her eyes don't leave yours, like she's waiting for something. Finally, something breaks.

The hand that was resting on the doorknob jiggles it open and she stands in the frame for a moment, just staring. Her compelling eyes force your words out.

"Ok but before you go. One question. Just—just one question.”

"What."

You freeze. What did you want to ask her? You remember it being something about her age.

“Well fucking spit it out. I’m trying to leave.” She urges.

Before you can even recall, another thought appears in your head.

"Okay, okay. Call me princess again? Pleeease? Just once before you go. I don't even want a ride anymore.” You take a glance at the bathroom. “I'll just...sleep… here." You whisper, a little upset thinking about how after this woman leaves, you'll be standing in this bathroom, alone.

"..."

She steps forward, mostly expressionless, pulling up the straps of your dress to cover some cleavage you didn't realize was showing. Your face heats shamefully.

She lets out a sigh.

"Dina has a pull-out in the basement. There's another bathroom down there too if y'need it. Go to bed," Her eyes scan you up and down so quickly you almost miss it. "and finish that glass of water."

With that, the door shuts behind her.

And she's gone.

_____________

You did end up talking to Dina about the person you met last night. Around noon, of course, as you both had slept through the entirety of morning.

"Wait...that's Ellie? Are you fucking serious?!" You clamor, barely comprehending what she’s saying.

The person who helped you out last night knew you, and it also happened to be Ellie. You wanted to hit yourself. Knock yourself out. Be unconscious.

"I thought you knew! She doesn't look that different."

"Dina. I haven't seen her in four years, cut me some slack. And she has like—a whole new energy now. It's....different."

She smirks at you. "...Different?"

"I—yes, different. I know I'm not wrong. I'm not."

The last time you saw Ellie, she was 19 and you were 16. You hadn't come out yet, and hung off of your asshole boyfriend's arm for as long as you could when he was around. Ellie hated the guy. You were insufferable, but Dina must've seen through it enough to befriend you. You’re eternally grateful.

Ellie is a family friend of Dina's, so naturally your paths crossed pretty frequently back then. Until two days before her 20th birthday, when she ran away only with plane tickets and a plan to 'elope' with her girlfriend of three months. They broke up a month later.

You haven't seen her since—excluding last night, of course.

"Oh—oh, fuuuuck. Dina, I know why she was so mean to me last night." Your hands reach up and you drop your face into them.

"She was mean? You didn't say that, the hell?"

"Yes—she was mean, Jesus Dina, keep up. Listen I didn't even recognize her. Like, at all. I kept asking for her fucking name, like, over and over and over again! Oh god, she probably thinks I'm such an asshole." You sulk, rerunning the things you said and did last night in your head.

"Yeah, she totally does."

"No! shut up! You're not helping. How was I supposed to--? She has these arms now, she didn't have those three years ago! And her shoulders? They're so much...wider!" You exclaim, bewildered by this entire situation.

"Hah, ok--"

You cut Dina off.

"And the tattoo, oh my god the tattoo! She's basically unrecognizable!"

"Calm the fuck down, perv. She got a new job three years ago and it just changed her a bit. She does a lot of...physical stuff, now. But she's basically the same, I swear."

"Yeah? Ok. That's...reassuring, I guess..." You say, half truthful. Dina looks at you with something you can't identify. "so...what job."

"Uhhhh—well, not my place to say. You'll...definitely have to ask her. Yourself." Dina winces, trying her best to not let out more info than she should.

"Hm. This is getting...less and less reassuring as you go on. But, thank you Dina."

"So you want her number?" She grins, holding up her phone.

"Are you kidding me." You reject. "I do not text first. You know that."

“You freak, not for that,” Dina shakes her head. “but so you guys can fucking make up and not hate each other, maybe?”

She laughs before getting right on her phone and looking for Ellie's contact.

"I'll just send your number to hers then, jeez."

"No, don't do that either. If Ellie's all upset I couldn't tell who she was, she can be a big girl and tell it to my face. And I don't even care if you tell her I said that. Honestly."

Dina looks up at you. Eyes unmoving and apathetic.

"Both of you are so fucking dramatic. Don't think I'm on your side or her's at this point. I’m completely out of this.”

She throws her phone on the couch before tossing her whole body on it as well. She grabs the remote to turn on the TV.

“Oh shit,” Dina laughs.

“What?”

“Ellie’s gonna fuckin’ flip when she finds out you’re gay now,” Dina says with an acute smile.

I already, accidentally, drunkenly told her. Problem fucking solved, you think.

“Ok? Why’s that?”

“Oh, no reason. Just, pure shock, probably.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” You respond lightly. “…I guess she still pictures the me from highschool, right?”

“Is that your way of asking me if she still hates your ex-boyfriend? Cause yeah, trust me, she does—”

An impeding stream of knocks cut her off. You both whip your heads towards the sound.

The door swiftly opens and in steps Ellie.

Nobody speaks for a few seconds.

“…I have coffee. Thanks for leaving the door unlocked, morons,” Her leg kicks backwards and loudly shuts it. “I hope you get fuckin’ robbed one of these times.”

She walks ahead and hands a hot cup to Dina, and then, to you.

Her thumb rubs along the inside of the carabiner clipped to the loop of her jeans. There’s a smidge of silence before she looks up, only really looking at you.

“I need to show you something.”

And that’s all she says. No context, no elaboration.

“Uh—now?” You question, still in the beat up makeup from last night and hair sticking in all different directions. You couldn’t go out in public like this.

“Uh, yes, now.” She unclips the carabiner and spins it around her pinky. “Let’s go.”

“But what if—what if I have plans?”

“Do you?”

“Well no, but I’d like to at least—”

“Jesus Christ both of you are like this? Here: your hair looks great, your makeup is perfect, your boobs are huge. Can we fucking leave now?” She tells you, completely causing you to forget anything you were saying.

In a moment of panic, you glance at Dina.

Her eyebrows and shoulders only give a limp shrug, as if to say, ‘I don’t know what this is about, but you’re on your own!’

Naturally.

“Yeah, we can leave,” you take a sip of your coffee. “…Ellie.”

The second you say her name, her head is turned to you. Her eyebrows creasing and eyes unwilling to break your gaze. So now you know what the stare was about.

You wonder if your cluelessness last night genuinely hurt her. Made her feel unwanted. Unknown. You felt like shit. You just hope she doesn’t feel similar as you do right now.

She says nothing.

And in that silence, with Ellie cutting in front to get the door for you, you leave.

[fullofgutsndopamine]

Happy Holidays (Let’s Hope For The Best)

or: You always hated the holidays. Schlatt tries to change your mind

originally posted on a different blog of mine. i’m well aware it’s september.

i hope you enjoy! I've never written for Schlatt before, so I hope it's okay and i got his voice right

tw/cursing, angst if you squint, ‘jay’ for schlatt

schlatt knew your hatred towards the holidays.

long winded rants when you were less than sober, talking with your hands about how this holiday had become more on gifts than the actual spirit of christmas, the idea to stay in and be with your loved ones on a holiday-

and in his defense, for a long time, he listened.

eyes slanted as he slowly shook his head as you ranted, an occasional, “yeah, no. right-“ so you know he’s listening.

it started small, he didn’t force it.

“Jay,” The sigh is evident in your voice, “what the fuck is this?”

you hold the tiny culprit in your hand, a miniature snowman, made of ceramic and chipped with age, no larger than your palm.

"What do you-" He sets his phone down, eyebrows one, genuinely confused for a second before the smallest smile you've ever seen pulls gently at the tips, threatening to actually smile-

"Jay." You say gently, simply.

He gives himself away.

"I dunno who would do that," He shrugs, eyebrows knit as he stares at his phone again, "Especially knowing they live with the actual Grinch."

"Do you?" You tease, hope he doesn't see as you pocket the snowman, bury him deep into your jean pockets, a new lucky charm for you. Some of the ice melts away, slowly, a little crack falls off, but you wouldn't let him know that.

"Yeah," He snorts, pads over to the couch where you sit, wiggles his toes to be buried under your thighs, "Tried to fuckin' evict 'em, but it was too much work."

Days pass, and you almost forget about it.

Every time you slip into the jeans for work, you remember the small snowman buried deep into your pocket, rub it like its some sort of worry doll.

The snowman was the first, but not the last.

Second, it was the creepy santa soap dispenser shoved in the corner by your sink in the bathroom. Schlatt left the rest of the bathroom untouched, and when you squeeze it into your hand, your immediately hit with the smell of marshmallows.

“who the fuck is putting christmas shit out?” he says again, bites his lip to hide the smile, “Especially in the grinch’s lair.”

“yeah,” you tease back, “and i used it and it smelled like fuckin’ marshmallows.”

“marshmallows?!” he buffs, “that’s it, i’m writing the landlord.”

and he kisses the crown of your head and pads downstairs.

from then on, he gets bolder.

You come home and he’s gently wrapping christmas lights around the bush in the front yard, sees you coming and speaks first: “to keep the fuckin’ kids away.” with a wink, as if he has something figured out.

he has a stupid santa hat on top of a baseball cap, teetering, threatens to fall off any second, and his face is pink from the cold, his fingertips are ice and it’s obvious, from how lit up the house looks, that he’s spent a lot of time planning and putting this together.

“I don’t think that’s how it works.” you tease back, grabbing him by his coat and pulling him in for a kiss.

“what?!” he yells back, “that’s not how it fuckin’ works?! shit!” he teases back, the smile gives him away.

when you pull away, he takes the santa hat off his own head, shoves it over yours, and turns away, back to the bushes with a smile on his face.

You make your way inside, towards the kitchen to make him some hot chocolate to enjoy as the temperature falls more, and the sun slowly sets, and act as if you don’t see the mistletoe in the threshold of all the rooms, or the lights hanging around, even the little christmas village knick knacks that hang onto every surface-a post office shoved into the corner of the kitchen, and Santa’s Workshop sits in the front room-

days pass again, and you finally give in.

“Look,” you lean against the door as Schlatt comes in, a mixing bowl against his hip and a kiss the cook apron around his waist. “promise me you won’t make this a big deal.”

“okay,” he licks his lips, nods, “that’s ominous as fuck.”

“Just-sit on the couch, close your eyes, and promise to not make a big deal about it.” you grab him by the hand and gently lead him to the couch, have him sit on the edge of it and lift his hand so it rests over his eyes.

Schlatt bites his lip to keep from smiling as he hears something being dragged against the floor of the living room, before you speak again, obviously out of breath from the mini work out.

“Okay, don’t read into this,” you say one last time, “Open your eyes.”

he obeys, slowly blinks them open and sees the cardboard half busted tree box, and lets out a loud laugh: “Guess the grinches heart did grow two sizes larger, hm?”

he stands, pulls you close and kisses you on the lips, his voice drops, which is rare, his voice comes back gentle, which is also rare, means he means what he’s about to say, listen up: “I’m glad you changed your mind. Was worried id gone to far.”

you snort, “You? too far? never.” and your voice drops as well, “besides, had to give in eventually. make new traditions with you, or something right?”

you’re obviously referencing to the first few weeks of December, when he all but begged for at least a free, a string of lights-something, anything-is use to these lavish holiday traditions-only to be met by your stubbornness, the sting and ache of lonely holidays, another regular day too much for you-

“we can make new traditions,” he insisted one night, curled into you in the too small bed, the only light coming from the street light outside that flares into your eyes if you move your head the wrong way, “it doesn’t have to all be bad. let me help-“

“leave it, Jay,” you huff, shake your shoulders so his chin falls off form your shoulder as you flip to face the wall, sick of this discussion.

“that’s right-“ he smiles, surprised you were listening, “that’s exactly right, yeah.”

And he helps you drag the box into the corner, sets up his phone to play all his favorite christmas music, tells these stories of songs he loved growing up, doing certain activities to certain songs-

The music plays and though it doesn’t cal for it, Schlatt stops you every once in awhile, spins you around on your heels and dips you to a song, only for you to stand back up straight and slowly hang up the small collection of ornaments he stock piled away.

The night ends with cookies in the kitchen, the pre made kind that he bought the day after halloween and you kept shoving further and further back to try and forget of their existence, little cherry santa’s with crooked hats and little snowman placed on a tray as you two wait for them to be done, suddenly little kids again, the excitement of waiting up all night to try and find santa hangs in the air-

schlatt plates the cookies, makes hot chocolate and pads to the front room, throws a blanket over the two of you as you clink cookies together as a gentle cheers, settling on whatever movie hallmark is playing, even if it’s half way done.

schlatt is quiet next to you, plays with your hair as you rest your head on his chest, enjoying the sight of your new tree before you crane your neck to look up at him-

“i think i like our tradition now.”

he smiles, runs the pads of his thumb over your face gently, “Yeah? You a christmas fan yet?”

and you want to say the truth, how it’s hard not to be when your in his presence, how it’s hard to not smile and want to embrace every cliche, but instead you snort: “let’s not get carried away.”

he rolls his eyes, “of course not,” but his voice drops as he drops his head, rests his lips against your forehead as he speaks: “Im glad you’re enjoying it though, you deserve some good holiday memories instead.”

and he kisses your forehead as he settles back in, pulls the blanket togetber over you, and hangs you the obnoxious santa mug he had stored in the cabinet for you for when you finally came around

[almostfoxglove]

hey queen do you have any joel fic recs? can be au or canon long or short im just desperate for some joel fics lol

oh ho HO anon HELLO yes of course I do :,) I'll give you a variety of flavors so you've got some options. thank you so much for the opportunity to gush about some fics I love :,) these are in no particular order and I am 100% gonna miss brilliant ones because I have a terrible memory I'm so sorry

okay, let's start with SERIES!

I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive by Kiwicane on ao3 (ongoing series)

universe: canon universe, jackson!joel

flavor: ANGST holy fuck. also, incredible action sequences? like actually jaw dropping. and some... enemies to lovers? that's all I'll say!!!!

I actually cannot overstate how much this fic has me pinned to the fucking ground literally anytime I get a notification it's updated on ao3 I fucking RUN okay I run. it's so fucking good. THE TWISTS AND TURNS? you're not ready (you are please read it, it deserves so much fucking love)

Futureproof by @luxurychristmaspudding on tumblr (ongoing series)

universe: modern!au, actor!joel

flavor: girldad!famous joel starstruck by badass rockstar reader? yes I'll take 20.

the prologue for this just came out and FUCK I'm hooked. seriously, just buckle in. the vibes are immaculate, the world building's insane, and joel gets BOTH THIS DAUGHTERS??? I could cry.

Maintenance Request by @burntheedges on tumblr & ao3 (series complete)

universe: modern!au, hotconstructionguy!joel

flavor: fluff & FILTH just... trust me on this one. giddy rom-com feelings and absolute filth. but filth with love. AH

I literally rec this fic to anyone who gives me 0.2 seconds to talk about joel listen it's just. chef's kiss. the rom-com of my dreams.

Halcyon by @justagalwhowrites on tumblr & ao3 (ongoing series)

universe: modern!au, girldad!joel

flavor: childhood best-friends to lovers and s l o w b u r n PINING. so much fucking pining (my kryptonite)

this fic actually broke my brain I think. it is at once so sweet and tender and fucking heart wrenching. strap in for a slowburn but WOOF it's so worth it.

take me back to eden by skyspacelunar on ao3 (series complete)

universe: canon universe post-outbreak, smuggler/pre-jackson!joel

flavor: ANGST, enemies to lovers, TEARS

listen. listen. don't let the OC tag spook you away, this is so fucking good. delicious forced proximity, hate sex, then HEART EYES. there's violence, action, spice, LOVE, and goddamn tragedy. do it!

now... ONE SHOTS!

looking for the light by @sixhours on tumblr & ao3

universe: pre-outbreak!, brandnewdad!joel

flavor: angst with a happy ending, tiny baby 23 year old joel being a newly single dad to baby sarah

okay don't let the word count fool you, this one fuckin WRECKED ME (and put me back together? oh my god) my heart. I wanna hug him so fuckin bad. READ IT AND WEEP (but not in a vengeful way, in an angsty way)

until then by @studioghibelli on tumblr

universe: no-outbreak, priest!joel

flavor: ANGST angst angst. if you like fleabag.... wink!

bell wrote this for my angst challenge and it fuckin ruined me. ha ha HA it's so good. holy fuck. get ready for tears

hungry, lonely, violent by @dontloooknow on tumblr & ao3

universe: canon universe post-outbreak, jackson!joel

flavor: angst and fluff and smut. you get it all!

this is a BEEFY one shot (22k hell yeah) that has pretty much all you could ask for from sweet ol jackson!joel. the tenderness in this? off the charts. I do need him! biblically!

this has made me realize I need to read more joel one shots... oof! time to get through my tbr.

aaand I'm guessin since you're sending this you may already know about my joel fics, but just in case, I've got 3 ongoing series (one almost complete!) & 1 one shot

cover me up: jackson!joel (angst and smut and tenderness)

see you at three: no-outbreak au, young!joel (rom-comish, fluff and angst and eventual smut)

lock the gate: bostonqz!joel (angst, bitter allies to lovers, eventual smut)

I also have a bookshelf on my blog with shelves divided by characters, so you can also check out the joel miller shelf there (will include fics on my tbr list as well as ones I've read) this was so much fun. sorry it's long, but I hope you enjoy these!!

xx freya

[taboo-delusion]

So, I just discovered something interesting.

This is a bit of a long one, so bear with me. It's important. Seriously.

I just woke up a few hours ago. My meds are starting to kick in. I was having a very serious and genuine, deep conversation (in-head) and it was... beautiful. It wasn't happy, but it was beautiful. Not the point.

Point is:

I had not had a single fucking intrusive thought today until someone made a noise in the other room.

I am so fucking PISSED OFF

Why my brain refuses to realize that intrusive thoughts CAUSED the good feeling to go away, I have no fucking idea. I've known that for almost a year now, yet my stupid fucking subconscious refuses to change anything it's doing

Before I snap my fucking android phone in half and yeet somebody's face into neptune, I thought I'd share the discovery!!!!

Basically:

MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS DID NOT START UNTIL SOMETHING STARTLED ME OUT OF FOCUS

AS I TYPE THIS, I REALIZE THAT INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS -AT LEAST FOR ADHDERS- ARE A SURVIVAL TACTIC.

Elaborating:

When you fall asleep and your heart slows too much, your body does the falling thing to make sure you're still alive.

It's not that intrusive thoughts are *Just* because your brain gets too quiet, It's because your life has never been completely quite before, or -like me- the few times it is quiet, something interrupts. And even if it doesn't piss you off, even if you don't jump like I do, your brain still registers it as not safe.

--

Falling asleep, heart slows a lot-

Body: *Sends adrenaline just to make sure it still actually works.*

Drowning, even mostly unconscious-

Body and brain: *Hold onto that last half-breath even if it feels like you're head is going to explode.*

Going grocery shopping or talking to someone you think is cool-

Brain: *Remembers what it felt like the first time your guardian was indifferent or mean about something that made you happy or calm.*

Things around you actually get quiet-

Brain *Sends a thought you hate just to make sure you're prepared for a sudden problem.*

TDLR 1: Your brain isn't mean on purpose, It's just paranoid and still has a will to live.

Listen. I know I'm just some random dude from a weird blog. But I'm trying to translate, to assist. Maybe somebody else needs this realization as much as I do. I apologize for the yelling earlier. I'm still just as upset, but only at my dumbass subconscious. Now some time has passed, and I have regained self-control.

(I also apologize for the above paragraph, my brain nags for me to do this, but I can't remember why. So:)

I am no psychologist. Here are my qualifications (why you should listen to me):

As my friends call it- "Disturbingly self-aware at all times."

Paranoid Schizophrenic with actual (unrelated) OCD, with years of experience dealing with it- more healthily in recent years.

Philosophy and deep thinking is simply my default. I use metaphors, but everything in this post is entirely literal, ...except the angry threat. (*begrudgingly accepts disappointment*)

I am a fiction writer. I don't know about healing people/first aid, but I know a LOT about how anatomy works, with many deep-dives on the psychology/evolution side.

People irl generally consider me a genius? Idk how to gauge that, IQ tests are irrelevant with this type of... smart?. I've been compared to both Da Vinci and Einstein. So, ...actually that's pretty fuckin' cool- (I AM NOT TRYING TO BRAG! I APOLOGIZE IF IT COMES OFF THAT WAY! I've never put it all down like this, and I'm just surprised and questioning my reputation.)

(Also, I love playing detective, so naturally I call myself Batman XD.)

Autistic; I experience the world, and every situation, from a view without any context.

ADHD: My brain automatically -As a guardian I hate describes- "Can watch three different movies at the same time, all in fast forward, and can keep up with all of them." ... Well, yes, but technically no. Idk if other ADHD people do this, but my brain "connects the dots" so quickly, I end up laughing at jokes I've never heard before the 'punchline', because I've already figured out what you're going to say next.

Now combine all that. I am kicking depression's ass and now I want to help you do the same.

I have only mentioned the relevant things. Please keep in mind that ALL of these have both advantages and disasters. Thank you for your patience and understanding. I am running on four hours of sleep. For the love of whatever, I hope this actually helps someone other than me.

Qualifications are noted because: This is all stuff (and stuff like this) that I am just always casually aware of.

TLDR2: Even if I wasn't trying to help people feel better, Apparently I was born with a nat 20 perception/insight check, so please don't argue that I truly understand what I'm talking about here.

[princelylove]

My Dear Prince,

As much as I love reading your posts about part 5 and other stuff you have given to us(I've been eating them up like a 2 week long starved woman who's having a bad case of uterus shedding) I can't help but notice I'm not seeing a lot more other parts. This is my fault ofc oopsies 🤭

May I request how yandere Jotaro (specifically part 3 but any other part is fine) would be like as a yandere from your godly perspective and writing? So sorry if you've already done something similar to this my memory is so bad.

Sorry for rambling, pretty please and thank you. 💞 ✨

A lot of- if not almost all- of my earliest posts are about Jotaro, actually. It’s so strange to think that that’s the semi-distant past, it doesn’t feel like it’s been six (or five?) months of having this blog already. I don’t mind going back to the same topic very much, it can be fun to update an interpretation. 

Jotaro has a certain difficulty expressing his feelings, which is funny considering his blunt and honest nature. He’s direct, yet not very expressive. Emotionally distant yet always physically present. His mother’s overbearing nature only backfired- Jotaro doesn’t like talking about his feelings because he didn’t want small things to be a big deal, and as he’s gotten older, he’s only shut himself off more.

He dislikes a lot of attention. The philosophy Yoshilage Kira holds- “I merely want to live a quiet life”- is more or less shared with Jotaro, but he just keeps attracting fuckin’ freaks. He’s cursed. He’s cursed, and somehow this is his fault- or, rather, it’s his spirit’s fault. 

Star Platinum is semi-sentient, it’s like Jotaro’s feelings are acting on their own rather than entirely separate from Jotaro. It obeys mindlessly, but often acts out of Jotaro’s curiosity. It finds amusement in picking up your clothes- whether it be a frilly skirt Jotaro gave you, or a shiny accessory it wants to put somewhere else- but it isn’t toying with you on purpose. While Star Platinum is good natured, Jotaro is… well, the intention is there.

Jotaro’s naturally introverted, I’d put his mbti as INTJ when he’s younger and INTP when he’s older. He’s analytical, likes to think things through, but you know what? Jotaro is impatient and rash when he’s caught up in his feelings. It gets better with age, but in his prime, it’s hopeless. It’s no wonder the initial manifestation of his stand forced Jotaro to self isolate, Jotaro doesn’t know how to handle bad things, and doesn’t want the attention that not being fine comes with. 

When he’s hit with another problem, he buries it. He’s never had a crush before, he doesn’t know it’s not supposed to be so… all-consuming. You know how when girls get all boy crazy, or whatever? Jotaro would say it's like that, but just for you.

Jotaro doesn’t like to lie, but he gets a bit choked up whenever he’s with his darling. He’s avoidant, and he’s not good at improv, so if his darling seriously drills him on his behavior, they’ll be met with huffs and grunts. 

Jotaro has a protective nature, it’s why he finds it so hard to just let things be. He’s attracted to smaller and considerably more fragile people. Of course this fragility is perceived, you could be ripped and Jotaro would be convinced you’d snap at the slightest bit of pressure. It makes him anxious to see you alone, what if a big bad wolf comes and snatches you up? Regardless of your capabilities, Jotaro thinks of you as a precious treasure that’s clearly labeled ‘Handle with care.’ 

He’s a very typical delusional type to me. Even if you flat out tell Jotaro one thing, he’s fixed into believing whatever he wants to. It doesn’t matter if you don’t need him, it doesn’t matter if you don’t even want him, Jotaro loves you. His love is very overbearing, although he himself wouldn’t word it like that. 

[ali3nboyfriend]

last anon here, i'm transmasc and have had maybe the worst time possible on tumblr trying to find community here wrt my gender without accidentally falling into discourse and transphobia over and over again. in the face of feeling like i don't have anywhere i belong and that everyone else fuckin hates me for no reason, your blog is just so refreshingly Normal. i don't think you're particularly extraordinary or anything but it was just nice to see you rb that post about trans guys who get pregnant after me having a weird gender morning, so thank you. i can still kill in your name if you want though

i love you so much and i'm holding your hands.

i try and look at the discourse and stuff i see re: trans men especially with like... as much empathy and compassion as i can. a lot of the vitriol slung towards us on this platform are from our fellows who are hurting just as much as we are. sometimes it's because they don't realize what they're saying is hurtful, and sometimes it's because it is an unfortunately very human compulsion to try and grab control of whatever you can when you feel like you don't have anything you can control in your life. this isn't excusing some of the stuff i've seen said by any stretch, but it does kinda keep me from getting like........ doom spiral upset or angry about it. (not that i think that's what you're doing! just that it's how i process my own feelings about it)

i also think a lot of marginalized folk never really learned how to properly unpack their disgust responses to certain situations. we live in a society 🤡 that's very reactionary (at least, a lot of western societies are reactionary by nature, esp the United States), and it makes sense that when you've been geared up to React on a dime to something you don't really feel that you have the time to sit and deconstruct what it is you're actually doing. a lot of us haven't been taught to dig through why we feel the ways we feel about different people in our community, about why some other people would want to undergo their journey w their sexuality or gender differently from us, about why other people would think about things differently from us at all. and i know that can feel contradictory, because it is, when being in the queer community is entirely about transgression against strictly adhering to what's considered "normal" or "standard" in sexuality and sex and gender. but honestly i think so many people don't realize that coming to terms w yourself and walking away from your oppressive or stifling upbringing is only step 1, and step 2 is unlearning everything you were taught. my personal motto is "if it's not hurting anyone in any tangible way, or if the people it might theoretically be hurting are of sound mind and consenting to that, why should i actually care?" i try not to reblog discourse-type posts in general unless i 100% back what they're saying.

anyways point being is that like. it's not your job to teach anyone what they're doing and saying is wrong but it helps me, personally, to understand that a lot of the time they don't really realize they're being harmful and in fact think they're being helpful and advocating for the community. and i know it's a meme to say "people need to log off and go touch grass" but i honest to god really do think a lot of the really dumb and frustrating discourse i see on this site would just disappear if everyone spouting it logged off and talked to another queer human person face to face. which i understand is not something everyone can do. does not mean it would not help them lol.

people in the community IRL often just aren't talking about the things we see from the community online. they're all fuckin living their lives and using whatever labels and naming conventions they think feel right without caring about, like.... defining them. if you have a queer presence in your area at all and you're able to go to in-person things it might help a lot of the frustration and hurt you're feeling to see if they have any meetups you can attend? literally just googling like, "lgbt [CITY NAME HERE]", you can usually find some kind of pride alliance or LGBT org, and those things are almost always doing movie nights and meetups and stuff. you do have a place and you are wanted and i'm sorry you've been subjected to seeing shit that's made you feel in any way otherwise.

[morgana-ren]

Gross boy incel Tomura is 🔥🔥

Oh God, you are so right.

No matter how old I get, how much time passes, whatever else have you, I am still utterly obsessed with that angry lil' freak of nature.

I love all of my hyperfixations, but Tomura was the true first. The one that sparked this whole shitty blog and my shitty writing and all of it. There's just something about him that gets me.

He's a fucking wreck. That's what it is.

He's a hate-filled, angry, vicious, snapping little mongrel. He curses the world around him to the point of aspiring to burn it down. He sits in a dark room all day, plotting and dreaming and escaping. The world looks at him with disgust and he looks back in equal measure, apathetic to the judgement he receives because the world is a filthy, wretched place and like a damn its judgement means fucking anything. He never learned to deal with his grievances and so they seep from him and infect everything he touches. Deep down, he is in excruciating pain and grief becomes anger becomes violence.

I think I could never truly leave Tomura because I get him. I understand it. I don't wanna change him and make him a fucking hero or clean him up or make him more palatable. I want him: The hateful, venom-spitting little arsonist who wants to watch it all burn. I wanna close the blackout curtains when the sun rises with him. I wanna sit in a wretched little room and eat dollar store ramen. I wanna spend too much time playing video games and talking about what we'd do if we had the power to enact actual change.

.......Or maybe I just wanna live on my knees for him and I don't have to make it all fuckin' deep and wannabe philosophical lmao. I love this little man so m u c h.

Been a while but I'm sure I've got some ideas tucked back and away somewhere for him lmao

[demonsfate]

guilty as charged (mun edition) // accepting // anonymous asked . . . Have you ever unfollowed a blog? What were the reasons?

All the time LOL. Most often I unfollow unactive blogs, typically blogs that have been inactive for a year or damn near it. Why do I bother? Because sometimes I'll notice my dash is very slow and I'm like "daaamn I've got [this many] followers... how come nothin's happenin?" Then I realize oh wait, a lotta my mutuals became inactive lol. So softblocking them is a good way to gage how many active followers I actually have.

Other times I've unfollowed a blog just because I personally didn't vibe with the mun's ooc posts, or content they're putting out. Or, one time when somebody was just reblogging TOO many posts that were completely unrelated to their muse, and was just spamming the dashboard with unrelated fandom reblogs as if they were a personal or somethin. I don't mind a lotta ooc posts, but I do start drawing the line when my dash gets spammed with completely different fandom posts that aren't related to their muse in any way.

The most controversial time I unfollowed somebody, and this may kinda count as drama but not really, was this K.ingdom Hearts blog. For some reason, my Riddler blog took MONTHS to pick up. I mean, I had it for 4 months and couldn't get a single follow back or anything. I have no clue why - literally nobody wanted to write with me then. (Which is really bizarre, given that, I think at one point, it had 400 followers - many ppl started writing with me later). I'm gonna guess it's because my blog had dark themes / backgrounds. (I wrote my Eddie as a CSA survivor - this may be semi important later)

Anyway, a confession on one of 'em RP confession blogs was expressin' how sad they were that nobody was writing with them, I agreed with it too, also offering I'd write with 'em too. A KH blog came up to me and saying they were having the same problem. I was about to learn a big lesson in writing with them just 'cos I was sympathetic LOOOL. So basically I followed, and we kinda talked on and off for a couple weeks, we wrote a lil. But then their topics started getting ... weirder, horrible even.

Then suddenly, their posts got super fucking crazy. Like they BRAGGED about their tags were apparently QUOTES from the Columbine shooting and the Jamestown cult tragedy?! I didn't fuckin' know 'cos who would??? And like when I went to unfollow them, they were having a thread where the character casually threatens to rape his brother and it's like holy shiiiiiiiiiit. So of course, I hardblocked 'em for that clownery.

Unfortunately, I started getting anon hate on my blog (obvs from him). I got like 4 anon hates in a row - but I blocked the anon and well, that did that lol. Some of the anon hates were like "I thought you liked dark content..." and it's like yeah, when HANDLED WITH RESPECT LMAO. My character was written as a CSA survivor as a background, I don't actually write the fuckin' act out, it's just part of his story. And like, it's also there to show how male victims handle it, and how a lot of sexual abuse survivors tend to turn to hard drugs to cope with it. my BLOG HAD NOTHING THAT WAS GLORIFYING / USING TRUE CRIME SHIT & THEN HAVING MY CHARACTER THREATENING TO UGHGHHH. And like, I didn't call 'em out, didn't mention it on my blog. They can write whatever the fuck they want, I just don't want anything to do with that stuff lmao. So I blocked them.

Then I got one of their mutuals messaging me like "why did you block [user]? they thought you were good friends with them. they're really hurt :(" and it's like?? I kinda talked to them every now & then thru DMS, that's it. We never exchanged discords ffs, we were far from "friends" never mind good friends lmao. Also don't be wildin' on your dashboard, ppl are likely to become uncomfortable and unfollow.

[cyberneticlagomorph]

is there something you've got that you've worked really hard on and loved, but not really been able to share extensively, in Jack's world? yes this is an invitation to talk about it.

god theres so fuckin much

the second version of the lore doc is 104 pages long at present and this 3rd edition is gonna be AT LEAST that and some change

i have pages upon pages of weird stuff i've written down and mulled over and will never ever use bc i have no idea how to incorporate it into anything yet

like the-end-of-everything

ok so i gotta put this under the cut due to length and religious stuff and Theseus Hare spoilers

so the-end-of-everything is

a lot?

She's almost As Much as Jack

She's the personified Ending of Jack's Narrative, the Jabberwocky from Alice in Wonderland, the angel Lucifer, The Green Sun from Homestuck, Nidhogg from Norse mythology, Mr Eaten from Fallen London and a million billion other things

She exists currently as a weird dream ghost that has attached Herself to Jack to the point where he dreams about Her every night no matter what.

The same dream, every single night for as long as he can remember

In one of his earlier iterations on this blog, he had his ability to dream SURGICALLY REMOVED (don't ask me how he did it, he just did it, it was hard) and She still showed up every night like normal

You see, their fates are tied together. Jack is the Protagonist, and She the Antagonist, as well as the Ending to his story.

Her in universe lore is fucking WILD and i'm probably not gonna do much of anything with it on the blog for Reasons.

In universe She was made to be Fairyland's original captive star, but She was Too Much on many levels to the point where Her creators had Her lobotomized in hopes that would calm Her down. It did not, She eventually escaped and fucked off into deep space, where She met God (yes that God) and fell in love.

He made Her his favorite angel and named Her Lucifer. And then the shit in Eden happened and She got kicked out of heaven

She swore revenge against God for abandoning Her and when She tried to take that revenge She was torn apart and devoured by... something.

In older drafts it with other deities, im not sure about now tho, but Her leftovers were shoved into a well/hole/pit at the bottom of the universe where nobody could ever find them, Her True Name erased from all history and record. (Hence why we know Her as the Nameless Thing)

She wasn't dead though, not completely anyway. She found Her way into the world of dreams and spoke to people through them, She amassed followers and made plans.

And then a child was Born

Alice was born, many Alices in fact. Each born and grown and groomed for war and lost and lost and lost because they were not the right Alice to slay the Jabberwocky

Jack is supposed to be the Right Alice, Alice is actually his deadname and why his VTM alt is Named That. Jack is supposed to slay the Jabberwocky for good with the Vorpal sword and lock Her away inside of himself forever and always

See, Lucifer does not want that at all, She wants to find Her Name and pull Herself back together so She can kill God for what he did and then devour the multiverse bc everyone let God Do That to Her so they very much should all die about it.

THE THING IS

Outside of the in universe lore, She doesn't HAVE a fucking Name to find. The Writer never gave Her one, She was never supposed to win or leave or anything, and even if She was the Narrative is unfinished and abandoned so She's stuck in here with the rest of those virgins until She figures out a way to Fix That.

Also Lucifer and the elder god thing inside of Vorpal have major beef, they had beef before Vorpal died and became a bone sword. I'm 90% certain Luci is why Vorpal fuckin died but i might change that later. Vorpal was made exclusively to kill the Jabberwocky and other divine entities so if they didn't have beef before they sure do now???

ANYWAY

I wanna do so much with Her but i can't cuz writer's block has hands, I'm a coward, and vivzieverse made characters based on biblical figures Weird and Kinda Uncomfortable but The-End-Of_Everything is my fucking BABY and i can't wait for you to meet Her, also she looks like this in jack's nightmares:

art by @/pencilbrony my befriended

[constellationcrowned]

Everyone needs to read this post please and thank you!!

Rather than make a poll about this ongoing issue that's impossible to parse bc I can't see who picked what specifically I'll do this another way: Help me help you by telling me why you don't actively interact. I post and reblog plenty of content all day every day that can be sent in, utilized, etc and it's crickets from ya'll all of the time and that's frustrating af and we need to work things out.

It'd be a different situation if I never offered stuff like calls or what have you; that'd be my bad and I'd need to work on being more proactive, but I'm already doing that and it goes nowhere. I'm constantly offering to help you guys---like right now, because I know the majority of you have read a post similar to this from me and you're gonna do it again---and I mean it every single time no matter how many times I offer it but on the flip side of things you guys need to actually take me up on what I'm offering.

I'm not offering to help merely for fun, you know? I'm offering to help because I understand that this shit can be difficult, it can be hard to talk to people, hard to interact with super niche fandoms and characters, and so on, and there's nothing wrong with having trouble but after a certain point if you continuously refuse to step out of your bubble or accept someone trying to help you the fear argument kinda loses validity, at least in regards to rp related stuff. I'm extending a hand and you need to fucking grab on because chances are the thing that's stopping you---be it you need help with the characters or the lore, you need me to type the first interaction, we need to have an ooc chat about what interests us, whatever it is---can be resolved but we need to fuckin communicate. I'm already meeting all of you halfway; honestly I've been meeting you guys more than halfway for awhile now, and now you need to step up and get in here.

Now does this mean that I'm going to stop offering to help, providing opportunities to interact through calls, memes, etc? Absolutely not. That would defeat the whole purpose and, again, I love offering such things and will continue to do so because it's not only part of what I need to do as a good rp partner I also enjoy doing so, plain and simple. All that I'm asking is that my mutuals (and yes, this applies to everyone, because even those who've followed me for months or years across multiple blogs fail to engage, it's not just newer folks) be more proactive in general. If I'm offering to help you or posting a call or whatever else? Engage. Ask questions. Send a meme. Tell me you want to interact even if you don't know how and we'll figure it out together. I'm tired of constantly chasing people or pulling proverbial teeth, especially when it's completely unnecessary. Communicate and engage with enthusiasm; both on your own and when I offer, and we'll be writing together in no time. Stop getting in your own way. Stop depriving yourselves. Let's have fun and actually fuckin write together.

[resurrection-of-soul]

Flashback | PSYCHOBREAK 2

Writer: Akira (日日日)

Characters: Rei, Kaoru, Adonis, Koga

Kaoru: Ugh, could you please stop caressing my chin? It's, like, totally gross actually! And like, the amount of disgust I feel seeing someone who looks just like Rei-kun going around doing stuff he'd never do is seriously unreal!

[ For the best viewing experience, please read directly on my blog! ♪ ]

Time: A few hours later

Location: In front of the AIIE Experimental Facility

Rei II: [Welcome, members of UNDEAD.] [So I finally get to meet the "real" me. I've been waitin' for this.]

Rei: Oh dear…

Rei: 'Twould seem our ill omen proved true.

Kaoru: Th-the fake showed up just like that, huh. I thought he'd, like, hide or something.

Rei II: [Hey Kaoru, shut up for a second. Can't ya see me n' Mr. Original over there're in the middle of a conversation?]

Kaoru: Ugh, could you please stop caressing my chin? It's, like, totally gross actually! And like, the amount of disgust I feel seeing someone who looks just like Rei-kun going around doing stuff he'd never do is seriously unreal!

Adonis: This is what is known as the uncanny valley. I came across the term while I was researching AI. It seems we feel an instinctive unease when faced with things that resemble us, but aren't quite the same. It's probably because our brains get confused when our internal memories and perceptions don't match up with reality.

Rei II: [I keep tellin' you~] [I'm tryin' to talk to the "real" me, so could you small fry quit prattlin' on about useless stuff?]

Kaoru: …The fake Rei-kun is like, weirdly mean. Is that an intentional part of the design, or?

Rei: This is oddly unsettling… I do apologize; my counterfeit has quite a poor attitude…

Kaoru: Hey, that's still better than complete silence, right? I mean, look — there are fake versions of the rest of us over there, but they totally haven't said a word?

Kaoru II: […]

Adonis II: […]

Koga II: [Hah? You wanna fuckin' go, punk? I'll kick your stupid taco-lookin' ass!]

Koga: Why's my fake the only one with a weirdly low IQ?!

Koga II: [Hah? You're makin' fun a' me, aren'tcha? You wanna get bitten to death, asshole?!]

Kaoru: Ohh, haven't heard that one in a while. You really used to say that kinda stuff a lot~

Rei: Hmm… Judging from the fact mine own counterfeit is one of those so-called "ore-sama" characters, 'twould seem these imposters are meant to mimic the past selves whom we were so recently faced with.

Rei II: [Ahaha. With only a week's worth of experimental data, it's pretty hard to get deep into your consciousness. All we could do was pick up on some fragments of the past.] [Replicatin' your current behavior's still beyond our reach.]

Kaoru: That's good, isn't it? It makes it easy to tell us apart.

Rei: Verily. Though I am equally abashed to be so relentlessly confronted with my youthful follies now as I was during our shared dream. Now then, let us cut to the chase. Pray tell, what exactly art thou intended to be?

Rei II: [You've already figured it out, haven't you? You and I are both the same super smart and clever Sakuma Rei-kun, after all ♪] [We're HELLSING, the imposters who have been pretendin' to be you.] [We're artificial idols, born from the AIIE experiment.] [To be more specific, we are entities with mechanical bodies who have had the data collected from you durin' the experiment installed into us.]

Kaoru: Actually, I've been wondering about that. If you were made from the AIIE experiment, doesn't the timeline not match up?

Rei: Aye. According to the records, HELLSING made their debut shortly after we began the experiment — within a day of our seclusion from the world, in fact.

Kaoru: Yeah, that's a bit too quick. I can't help but think they already had our fakes prepared before the experiment started.

Adonis: That's true. Perhaps data was pre-installed via the internet or the like, but the timing still confuses me. Why have the imposters begin their activities before the experiment's conclusion?

Koga: We might not know the details yet, but the whole thing already smells rotten.

Rei II: [That one's a mystery to us too. We machines are slaves to our human masters, y'know~ We can only move accordin' to the orders we've been programmed to follow.] [You could say we're just followin' our instincts.]

Kaoru: So basically, if we want to know the details, we'll have to go and ask the person who manufactured and programmed HELLSING directly.

Rei: Indeed. Though this may sound harsh, these four are ultimately nothing more than puppets dancing at another's whim.

Koga: But how're we s'posed to figure out who made 'em? Durin' the AIIE experiment, that plain-faced guy's robo-lookalike was the one handlin' all our meals n' stuff. We never saw another livin' person even once. They said it was to avoid muddlin' the data, but now that I think about it, ain't that kinda off?

Rei: By the "plain-faced guy," dost thou perchance refer to Mashiro Tomoya-kun? That aside, thou art correct in that there has been an unnerving absence of any contact with living humans throughout this ordeal. We were entreated to partake in this most peculiar experiment through HoldHands, and having assented, we were guided through the whole process by machines. There must be someone profiting off of this manipulation from behind the scenes, yet at present, we lack the information to so much as speculate on their identity.

Kaoru: AIIE is supposed to be some kinda top secret project managed by ES, so it might be one of the bigwigs at ES behind all this, y'know?

[ ☆ ]

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[inevitably-johnlocked]

hi steph!

1. *hugs (if you want some)*

2. i LOVE your hair - i want purple hair so badly!!! it's like one of the coolest thing ever.

3. CAN I PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TALK ABOUT GOOD OMENS 2 WITH YOU?! (ik this blog is not primarily for go but... idk i just need *drowning noises*)

i'm just gonna rant and you can decide if you wanna answer this (probably messy) dump of thoughts...

😭😭😭

omg okay so "i forgive you" fucking KILLED ME I AM DECEASED AND WILL BE HAUNTED BY THESE WORDS UNTIL ETERNITY.

i just finished it... and i can't... i CANT! first johnlock now good omens... WHY AM I - a lesbian in her 20s - so obsessed with pining middle aged queer men?! like WHY?! (you don't actually have to answer i am just confused about this...)

the pining in this season was UNBEARABLE! from BOTH SIDES! and then we get a kiss but it's - WHAT I CANNOT

and i kinda want a s2e6 fix it fic...

and OMG NINA IS HARRY WATSON. they have the exact same vibe (imo) - grumpy, a mess, kinda bitchy to customers, etc. i also believe they are both easily wooed (by absolute sweethearts with lots of brave stubbornness) but try to hide it so badly because their feelings are just so vulnerable because of their past bad experiences with relationships (family & partner)

and like how cool that there is a lesbian representation too because fuvking damniit i need more! lesbian/wlw couples!

ALSO I AM SO FUCKIN PROUD OF CROWLEY FOR FINALLY SPEAKING UP BUT I AM SO MAD AT AZIRAPHALE FOR FUCKING IT ALL UP UFUDHUFURBE I HATE THIS

rant over, thanks for listening

PS: it's 2am where i am...

Hi Lovely!! *HUGS*

Sorry I didn't reply to this sooner, time's limited this week on my computer and it was midnight when I saw this, hahah, LOL <3

One, YES, I love hugs thank you!!

Two, THANK YOU!! I love it too! I've had it various shades of purple for a few years, I love it!! :D Makes me feel a lot more like myself. As I'm getting older, I'm feeling more comfortable expressing myself, even at my job since I hit tenure and I think I'm stuck there forever now lol.

Three, ALWAYS!!! I love Good Omens so much!! I also have a GO blog over at @inevitably-ineffable-husbands too if you want more content!!

LOL your reaction was the same one I had after the initial watchthrough, but GOD it felt SO different than the way I felt post Sherlock S4... Like it was a "good hurt / angst" that GO gave me, and I'm so excited to see where it will go from here!!

I LOVE NINA, she's fantastic, and Maggie is SO me, ugh, I love them both so much.

Crowley was SO BRAVE, but I think his timing was shit. It was an act of desperation, and I FUCKING LOVED IT. I am SO ANGRY and SATISFIED, and just UUGGGGGHHHH they love each other so much but they just CANNOT TALK and it frustrates me and makes me giddy!! :D I hope your rant meant you enjoyed it too, but I totally understand if you didn't *HUGS*

And never hesitate to rant to me, I enjoy chatting with y'all!! :D

*HUGGLES* Cheers, Turtely!! :D

[youssefguedira]

It's been like this since Crash beat Brokeback Mountain. Home of Phobia.

the thing is. the Thing Is. i saw maestro in theaters on its limited 'please give us an oscar even though we're netflix' run i was cautiously optimistic about the movie and it's like. it's just fine. there's nothing egregiously terrible about it but it is a complete nothingburger of a biopic it's not even a GOOD biopic. it is remarkably cookie cutter. it's got black and white for absolutely no reason i can ascertain and its switch to color part way through is like so incredibly weird. just PICK a COLOR bradley. i loathe to give nolan any ground on oppenheimer but at LEAST there was a REASON. that is understandable. i will give it that the score slaps but it kind of had to, the conducting scenes genuinely felt like the only part where there was any real substance or love put into that film, and it's really just a showcase for carey mulligan who is admittedly good. bradley cooper is just fine. it takes its discussion of bernstein's sexuality from the bohemian rhapsody school of biographical pictures. they're technically both movies about gay people but ONE of them is a devastating look at queerness across generations and family and love and the other occasionally makes references to it while hinging the whole film on the relationship between the gay person and his wife, which i have no complaints about it IS an interesting relationship, but the way it incorporates bernstein's sexuality feels vaguely Home Of Phobic.

and like i know that a lot of this actually comes down to active campaigning, because i don't know if there really was one for all of us strangers in the same way that when netflix wants something to win an oscar they throw everything behind it. i think (unevidenced claims btw i know nothing) they mightve done something similar with ripley which is like cool great go get those emmys. but WHO is seeing the 'i'm sorry i never came in your room while you were crying' scene and not IMMEDIATELY going oh i need to give this man every fuckin award in existence. like mr cooper is OK in maestro but who didn't see the scene where adam crawls into his parents bed in his pajamas from when he was a kid and immediately go this has changed me forever. who is doing it like mr. scott in all of us strangers. i argue nobody. this is partially because it's good and also because i hold the firm belief that he's simply one of the best actors working right now and i'm RIGHT. and like as well as that. what about paul mescal. what is rdj doing in oppenheimer that paul mescal is not doing. arguably what is ryan gosling doin[gunshot]. my real frontrunner in that category is sterling k brown but like STILL. a nomination would've been deserved. jamie bell and claire foy as well are fuckin phenomenal. and i can keep going we can talk about directing (excellent) and cinematography (INCREDIBLE. can we talk about it more. like i can't really remember how maestro looks other than serviceable. but there's one interview about every shot in the opening of all of us strangers emphasising adam's loneliness and it DOES you can FEEL that shit. that is cinematography that brings you into the film. you know that post about people wanting to help ariel out of the screen in the little mermaid. that's the shit i'm talking about. also like. just LOOK at the opener hang that shit in the louvre.)

ultimately when it comes to Cinema when i think about this year's nominees at least the ones i did see were MEMORABLE. maestro is nothing to me. i regularly forget it is a movie i have seen. all of us strangers haunts me every day of my goddamn life as is evidenced by My Blog over the past couple weeks as i descend further into whatever new problem i've developed. so tldr i'm not the academy but i should be and all of us strangers 2023 should've swept the nominations if not the actual awards. it GOT THE GOLDEN GLOBES. WHICH IS A REASONABLE PRECURSOR TO THE OSCARS. sorry just googled whether andrew scott has an oscar and that came up. anyway. this has been Neon Is Angry At The Academy Also Known As Fork Found In Kitchen. awards aren't an indicator of a films real quality because ultimately what all of us strangers is is a deeply deeply personal piece of art that everyone will take something different from and for me one of those things was It Is A Fucking Travesty That Andrew Scott Does Not Have An Oscar And In Fact None Of These People Do What The Hell. What The Hell. as well as feeling like i was going to be physically sick (complimentary). what i took away from maestro was a desire to rewatch the fabrizio de andré movie, which says a lot about both the movie and also me. the fabrizio de andré movie is also a pretty generic biopic but at least i ENJOY it

[sapphire-weapon]

Sorry to bring more discourse to your blog, but it's about the whole "problematic" shipling thing, because it's a part of older RE plot, that absolutely does my head in. It doesn't fucking make sense. We can talk ALL day about how Leon is canonically responsible for genocides. It's canon that these things have happened because he never has the backbone to finish the job or manage his feelings like a grown adult. It's an interesting talk, but it's NEVER (or very barely) addressed that way in the actual material. His whole "turn the other cheek, because he needs a vague romance" trope is really just one massive fucking plot hole and I don't know why people aren't completely pissed about it. His messy narrative is one of my least favourite things in the series. It almost turns me off of his games and movies entirely. I enjoyed REmake, 7 and 8 the most because at least the characters add up. Their motivations are clear. It's a fully formed story and we know who does what and why. They just haven't fucking done that with Leon. They can't decide on whether to flesh him out properly or to keep throwing him early naughts b-movie tropes that arguably, just make him less likeable (to me).

Sorry for the rant. But holy shit. Anything about his character outside of "I'm angry, let's shoot" has been fucking terrible, in my eyes. They have no idea what to do with him. His choices constantly fucking contradict themselves. He's like a nonstop, unstable "what to doooo?" asshole and I DON'T KNOW WHY ANYONE ELSE ISN'T MAD ABOUT THE CONSTANT PLOT HOLES AND SENSELESS BULLSHIT THIS CHARACTER DOES I HONESTLY DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HE BECAME MORE POPULAR THAN CHRIS, CLAIRE, WESKER, HUNNIGAN, ETHAN AND JILL OTHER THAN "HE HAS COOL BANGS AND TELLS JOKES SOMETIMES" LIKE WHAT?

I know I'll get roasted and shredded for saying it, but jesus christ man, it's such an enormous pet peeve of mine. I just want the remakes to finish their job of understanding that Leon hasn't been written well and he's gotta be fixed. That Ashley actually has a whole load of potential and Ada has only ever been an empty, racist and sexist stereotype that can't be fixed unless they bother to actually write any sort of story for her other than "sexy Asian is mean sometimes, but her terrorism is okay because the emo boy kissed her this one time and has known her for a combined 15 hours."

Phew. I am mad. I'm sorry for exposing you to this. I've only gotten into RE like less than a year ago and the stupidity and lack of literacy and analysis in this fucking fanbase is crazy to me. If I see one more "sibling coded toxic age gap, Leon is flawless omg ashley little girl so silly" post I'm going to shave my head. Even my phone is glitching because it can't keep up with my seemingly very unpopular rager.

homie i'mma need u to fuckin breathe and understand that this is the same series where the only reason that the main villain ever had to hate the main protagonist was the fact that the main protagonist laughed at his science project -- and then that detail was retconned out of the remake, and now there's no reason for wesker to hate chris at all, actually.

this is the same series that killed off its main villain way too prematurely, realized immediately that they fucked up by doing it, and, instead of just retconning it and bringing him back, they tried to "oops! all weskers!" it, then didn't know what to do with that, then just decided to write it so that he had a son, but then nobody liked him, either, and now they're just going FUCK IT LET'S JUST REMAKE THE WHOLE THING.

this is the same series that is so unabashedly and unrepentantly racist that it sends its white american protagonist into the heart of africa, whereabouts he encounters a village with actual mud huts in it, where the townspeople are dressed in actual tribal clothing, and they chuck actual literal spears at him.

this is the same series where the creators openly admitted to not allowing their main female protagonist to visibly age because they thought it'd hurt their bottom line.

this is the same series where the objectively best title in it has a story that's so fucking bad that the dude who wrote and directed it said that he'd only support a remake of it if the remake fixed his shitty fucking story and actually told a good one.

this is the same series where rachel fucking foley exists and is meant to be taken seriously.

this is the same series where a dude fucking a spider is, questionably and arguably, canon.

leon is not remotely the worst part of resident evil's storytelling, nor is ada the most offensively racist part of it. THE ENTIRE NARRATIVE OF RESIDENT EVIL IS NONSENSE DOG GARBAGE. leon and ada are just par for the course.

if you are not a raccoon and/or opossum who enjoys gorging yourself on garbage, perhaps resident evil is not the series for you.

that's why they called it raccoon city in the first place.

because the playerbase must inevitably be filled with raccoons, because only raccoons would enjoy the sheer amount of garbage that the story throws at them.

[deadn30n]

me checking your tumblr daily to not miss a single update and going:

wheneve i see sol... and your adorable rambles but that's a secret🥺 👉👈

NO OK BUT CAN I BE GAY FOR A FEW SECONDS HERE...

you have NO IDEA how much it means to me to know that even in spite of all my absences, of my fluctuating ability to be here consistently, of everything that there's still someone to come welcome me back when i do return.

to know that there's someone out there who's excited to see me whenever i'm online, who keeps up on what i'm doing and actually genuinely cares for me because as of late especially, i haven't felt that important to people i felt were important to me. i wound up letting them go silently; letting a rift form and to drift away, because i got tired of trying to fight for attention when my presence clearly meant very little

but then there's you. then there's you.

you and a select few others very close to my heart, including my boyfriend, have given me the recognition and attention i've always craved. you've made me feel like i actually matter and that it does mean something that i log on every day and post, whether it's rp or just to shitpost, i don't feel like i'm fighting to get noticed.

i love waking up every morning and seeing a notification on my phone that's just a bunch of likes from you on my blog. i love waking up every morning and seeing messages in our little discord server of us talking about our blorbos.

we've known each other for what? three years now Joo? you've even supported my streams and actively interacted in them. and your energy toward me has never changed, even when i had to take personal time for myself and disappear so i could heal from the things that happened in my irl life. and that means more to me than you might ever know.

so thank you Joo, from the bottom of my heart. this friendship is everything to me, and i fuckin love you.

i just know i'm gonna be rping even when i'm like, 50yrs old and i'm sure you'll be right there with me.