#// and no characters having an ABSENT bad father doesn't count

[brokentoys]

aren't both g0tham eddie and reeves eddie afraid to say that eddie was abused by his parents because comic book movies/adaptations are scared to depict children being abused by their parents for some reason lmao so eddie's always just bullied or mistreated by something else

?

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Honestly tho the formula for OFMD antagonists is creating many little villains (little villains being villains who are their and are antagonistic forces but are not the bbeg like sauron in LotR) who are representative of and exacerbate internal conflicts within leading characters and then when that leading character resolves that internal conflict the little villain dies like a bitch. So the smallest villains stick around for one episode like the French people who represent Ed's feeling that he's not good enough for fine things, and die like bitches when Stede tells Ed that he's worth it, and Jack who represents the toxically masculine pirate culture Ed was forced to rise to the top of and Ed's unspoken past and exists to exacerbate the communication issues between Ed and Stede, and he dies like a bitch when Ed chooses to go back and save Stede from the navy instead of sticking with what's familiar.

Now the bigger (but still little) villains in season 1 were Izzy and the Badmintons (who I'm counting as one because they serve the same function). To borrow a phrase from an old Philosophy tube video, both Izzy Hands and the Badmintons are Mr. Not Good Enough. For those of you unfamiliar Mr. Not Good Enough is what it says on the tin. It's the little voice inside your head telling you that you're an insane unpleasant shell of a man or a weak soft handed fat coward. Izzy has a hold over Ed that doesn't seem to make sense when you consider how little Ed seems to care about him. Nigel haunts Stede despite the fact that Stede admits he doesn't feel bad about killing him. That's because their meta textual functions are to embody the characters insecurities.

There's dozens of things that communicate this to us. Izzy and the Badmintons virtually disappear from Stede and Ed's life when they're together, Izzy barely interacts with Ed in episode 5 and only interacts with him when Stede's life is at active risk in episode 6 and 9 leaving the revenge completely for episodes 7 and 8. And when Ed has been abandoned and is looking for a reason why he asks Izzy to bring him tea. When Ed is depressed Izzy shows up to make a death threat and tell Ed that no one will ever like him if he's not preforming Blackbeard. The Badmintons just spring up whenever Stede is having doubts about being a real pirate or whether running away with Ed is the right thing to do but when Stede is delusionally confident like in the republic of pirates they're absent. After Nigel dies he literally becomes Stede's mean internal monologue and the elder who gives Stede talk therapy literally says that Nigel is Mr Not Good Enough.

At the end of the season Chauncey Badminton dies like a bitch after convincing Stede to return home. And when Stede returns home he overcomes is insecurities about being an absent father and a terrible husband, he comes out as gay to Mary and embraces that part of himself which the Badmintons had bullied him for in school. His behavior and the response to it from the other characters tell him and the audience that he doesn't belong in rich people world anymore he belongs in pirate world. He overcomes every insecurity that Mr Not Good Enough had been spitting at him since we the audience met him and probably a lot longer. At the end Stede hopefully and with delusional confidence rows off directionless into the sea relying on his now light heart to lead him to the love of his life

Ed, conversely, loses to Mr Not Good Enough. He succumbs to all his doubts he lets Izzy have his way. He puts the mask of his old life back on and numbly goes through the motions thinking he can never be anything else. The reason Izzy is the only villain left standing at the end of the season is because Ed's conflict has not been resolved.

Based on this my prediction for season 2 is that we'll get new villains based on new internal conflicts. Izzy will continue functioning in his role as Mr Not Good Enough. Stede could either get a new Mr. Not Good Enough based on new insecurities. Or he could spend the whole season mad with delusional confidence, which would be a vibe. There will almost certainly be new little villains. And all of these little villains will die like bitches. When Ed and Stede get together and Ed overcomes his imposter syndrome, his fear of being a monster who's unworthy of love, and his fears about being as good as it gets, Izzy will die like a bitch.

This isn't to say that there isn't a navy man who Stede went to highschool with hunting Stede because he killed his brother. It's not to say that Ed doesn't have a mean little gremlin for a first mate who sold him out to the British. The great thing about fiction is that characters can fill narrative niches and metaphorical niches at the same time. So discussing Izzy's or Badminton's relationships to other characters or their internal lives is absolutely on the table while this meta is also true. I think that my prediction for Izzy's fate and the fate of any other Mr Not Good Enough that gets introduced for Stede or even Jim or Oluwande potentially, I'm not writing that off, the inevitable end of their character arc when their protag solves their internal conflict, doesn't detract from them as a character able to interact with the world that they live in it just places them in the narrative with a role to play in the story.

This meta needs a bit of a bibliography here's the philosophy tube video I got Mr Not Good Enough from. It's from before Abigail transitioned and contains her dead name but she has said she's comfortable with people referencing her old stuff and this is a little fandom meta she's never gonna see so I don't feel bad about linking it

[miss0atae]

Family ties in the Rebound and how it shaped some of the characters (ep 9 & 10)

We're almost at the end of the series and I just felt like talking about the family ties in the Rebound. I really appreciate when the series doesn't solely focus on the romance. Don't get me wrong, I love romance. I believe it's something so precious and I appreciate watching or reading about it. However, I find it great when the series takes the time to show you something outside of the main characters' romance. In the Rebound, there are some good friendship representation, but not as good as how it was presented in We Are. The group of friends had many opportunities to be seen together. While, in the Rebound, the characters don't get the chance to do that a lot because there is always something they have to deal with: gangsters shady business, finding money to play their match, working… Their lifestyle is different so I understand why the series can't really focus on letting the characters enjoy more friendship moments. We still get some times where they are eating together or working together, but for me, I don't find the same feeling as in We Are when it's about the friendship. However, I feel the series does a great job at showing family, whether it's your blood relative or a found family.

Among all the characters in the series, there are 4 of them where you can see their family:

Firstly I'm going to talk about Lin. She was mostly raised by her father. He is an ex basketball player from her school. However, his glorious past as an athlete his far long gone when we meet her for the first time in the series. Nowadays, he is working as a repairman and spend too much time drinking. Life has been tough on him. He also has trouble to make ends meet. Lin's mother died in an accident when she was young and this is a sensitive subject for her father. He seems to be still grieving. In this environment, Lin has to be able to stand her ground to move forward. I believe she had to grow up sometimes alone because her father had to work. Maybe that's why she can be pushy. She also seems to be very independent. It works well when you have to “survive” on your own, but it works less when you want to flirt with your flirt. She was sometimes to pushy to get answer from Ruy, especially when she didn't get the answer she wanted to have. That's the problem of Lin. She never knows when to stop because she lacks boundaries. However, she was loved by her parents and her father, despite being preoccupied, cares about her. It is why she has a big heart. She makes mistakes, but she also learns and knows when to make amend. For example, when she misunderstood the basketball team's actions because of few bad seeds, she tried hard to correct her mistakes. I guess she is still young (I always have to remember they are teenagers) and she will learn with time how to think before acting. Her impulsiveness and eagerness to do things are part of her charm.

Now, let's see what it is for Zen. We don't see his parents and as far as I can remember we didn't get a lot of flashback of them. We mostly know he was raised by his grandmother. They both have a very tight bond. Zen and his grandmother come from a working class. The series seems to imply it's not always easy for them, but they manage anyway. Zen grew up in a nice environment as they live a pretty big house and he gets to do his favorite sport. Even if he has a part-time job, Zen seems to have a nice life. He is surrounded by people who like and appreciate him. His grandmother raised him to be is a nice guy who is trying to do his best. He knows he can count on his loved one to support him and he can also learn from them. Zen seems to be comfortable in his skin and confident. It shows how positive his grandmother's parenting must have been. Usually in series, when the parents are absent from the child's life it's a way of explaining why the character is lonely or lost. It is often used to portray a character who relies only on himself. Here, it's not the case for Zen. I would say he knows when he has to ask for help. It is displayed in his life too, as he is the captain of his basketball team and he seems to care for the tasks that falls to him with this title. Zen may be young, but he will never back down from what he has to do. Sometimes he can be lost, but it feels just like what any teenagers would get. I also appreciate how they didn't make him question too much his attraction for his best friend. It feels like Zen always knew. There isn't any questioning about his own sexuality.

Then, we have Ryu. We don’t know exactly what happened, but his parents separated in bad ways. It’s either a divorce, or the father cheated or he died in an accident or maybe he just left her for an unknown reason. Why do I say that? It’s because in the flashback Ryu’s mother reacted pretty badly at the mere mention of anything related to her ex-husband. I guess Ryu couldn’t stand it anymore and left the house he was living with his mom to live in the studio. It’s still unclear how he could pay for all of these. I thought at first it was his street basketball or Q who helped him, but now that he isn’t around Q and stopped doing street basketball how can he afford the room? I know he’s living with Zen now, but it was never properly explained. We know his mom is rich and she’s an alumni of the school/club. I think it’s more the school, because she seems to be furious anytime there is something related to basketball or her ex-husband. She is controlling but kind of lax too because she let her son left the house and just watched him from afar. It’s not like she doesn’t know he was involved in something dangerous. I guess we’ll know more about why she is acting this way in the next episodes. Thanks to Ryu’s flashbacks we are aware she is not happy with him playing this sport because it was her ex-husband who taught basketball to Ryu. Ryu had a tight bond with his father. I believe Ryu suffers from abandonment issues because of his parents. It made him possessive (he doesn’t want to lose his loved-ones), secretive (he can’t be able to enjoy his favorite sport because of his mother) and prompt to escape or anger (he didn’t get someone to just listen to him). He seems to be more at peace now that he is with Zen and lives at his house.

Finally we have Atom. We didn't get any mention of his mother. She could be absent or dead for all we know. We only saw his father. Let's face it, he's not exactly father of the year. He seems to be this overbearing parents that pressure their kids to be productive. Remember how he lectured Atom to train. Atom is an athlete because it was the dream of his father. He tries very hard to please his father, even though it started to get harder and harder for him as he was losing his passion for basketball. He also seems to have no real friends around him because he was probably forced by his father to spend all his free time on practicing his sport. I feel like Atom's father is the same as Ryu's mother. They don't listen to what their kids want. They only impose their views on them and expect them to obey. If Atom tried to please his father, since he met Zen he decided to be more assertive and to tell his father his will not compromise his values anymore. I really like this kid. He gave us really weird vibes at the beginning of the story, but I think it's because he really needs to work on his social skills. That's why it's so important to let your kid socialize and not push him to be a professional athlete as a young age if it's not something he wants. Atom gets along very well with Zen's grandmother. He probably found in her a real confidant. Someone is finally listening to him. I believe that's also why he fell in love with Zen. Zen was raised by his grandmother so of course he acts the same way as her. Somehow, Zen's grandmother is becoming a mother's figure to Atom. I hope it will help Atom to open up more.

Zen and Lin are the two characters who have a parent figure that love them and want to be there for them. In contrast, Ryu and Atom have more complicated ties with their family and they found in Zen's household a found family. I would even say, it's also partly why they are both attracted to Zen. We are all influence by our family. Their trauma can have an impact on our life. Ryu and Atom need a space where they can find support and self-compassion. I believe they found it at Zen's house. Lin may have difficulties growing up, but it seems her father is trying hard to mend for his past mistakes and to re-connect with his daughter. Let's see if Ryu's mother and Atom's father will be able to do the same thing.

[xjulixred45x]

Since I'm in the Helluva Boss Mood, I'm going to talk about something that I hope doesn't get me crucified.

I.ABSOLUTELY. HATE. THE .STOLYTZ.

Although I only realized this year.

If we go for the bases, we go with the bases.

✨NEITHER OF THE TWO KNOWS THE BASICS OF A STABLE RELATIONSHIP✨

Stolas was put in an arranged marriage as a child, having an EXTREMELY absent father and living in a turbulent relationship (which became abusive at times, with quiet moments but well, I don't think it would last long) with Stella. We are not told that Stolas has tried to be unfaithful in the past, so Stolas has no REAL EXPERIENCE in HEALTHY relationships to enter into one.

Blitz is much worse in this regard. He had an alcoholic father who left him in the background ALL the time above his best friend, and having to take care of his mother. He accidentally causes an accident that ends up killing his mother, leaves his best friend disabled, his sister hates him, etc.

Blitz, unlike Stolas, did have more relationships before him, but we know that they all ended BAD, especially VEROSIKA (there are even hints that she wanted to help him with his bad situation but he pushed her away) and as such it only did more harm than good .

all this without counting episode 1/season 2

Stolas clung TOO much to the good memory he had of Blitz, but to him it didn't mean HALF of what it meant to Stolas (since he already had positive things in his life like his sister, his mother and Fizz) so what? What does an adult with zero knowledge of healthy affection and ZERO experience in real relationships do? HE MANIPULATES TO GET WHAT HE WANTS.

Which brings me to my second point.

✨THE IMBALANCE OF POWER✨

If we ignore the fact that Imps are considered the lowest race in hell (because like all forms of racism, it is STUPID reasoning) even so the biggest red flag is the huge imbalance of decision-making power that exists in the relationship.

Blitz only wanted Stolas' book, HE REALIZED and what did he do? HE MADE A SEXUAL "ARRANGEMENT"(ABUSE, BC THE SEX CAN'T NEVER EVER BE A COIN TO TREAT WITH)WITH BLITZ TO GIVE HIM HIS BOOK (which HE KNEW HE NEEDED) ALL IN ORDER TO GET CLOSE TO HIM.

This is a monumental ABUSE OF POWER by Stolas! because at the end of the day he is the one who decides whether he gets the book or not (he knows it is VITAL for his work, WHAT HE LIVES ON) AND he tries to excuse it with the fact that it is a "way to spend time with him" EXCUSE ME !?!?

First of all, how the hell was Blitz supposed to realize that Stolas "loved" him if in episode one they literally had to censor everything that Stolas wanted to do in bed with Blitz? (and it's like that until chapter 6-7 where he begins to act more affectionately)

THERE ARE A THOUSAND WAYS TO INVITE SOMEONE OUT AND YOU HAD TO CHOOSE THE MOST ASSHOLE AND TOXIC ONE OF ALL. Abuse of power, control, poor communication, THERE'S EVERYTHING HERE, I'M IN CHERNOBYL!

AND IT'S NOT EVEN THE WORST.

Just because! There are toxic relationships that are fine to show on screen, especially in this case, gay/lesbian couples are rarely put under a toxic air, so there was A LOT to take away.

but the WORST thing is how ROMANTICIZED IT IS and as if BY FORCE they want you to 1) feel sorry for Stolas/get angry with Blitz or 2) that you SHIP THEM...

WHAT

Look, I like both characters, their stories are interesting and I like their personalities. the episodes focusing on JUST ONE of them are very good, but that's the point.

✨THE QUALITY DECLINES EVERY TIME THEY ARE TOGETHER ✨

Stolas is much more likable when he's being the prince of hell who's going through a turbulent divorce, dealing with his teenage daughter who he adores, singing songs to said daughter, helping other Demon Lords (I'm looking at you Asmodeus), etc.

Blitz seems much happier being with Millie and Moxxie killing people, talking about Loona, doing his job, getting into trouble with humans and being a complete bloodthirsty.

BOTH SHINE BRIGHTER BEING SEPARATED, NOT TOGETHER.

If you ignore the whole romance thing, they are good characters, but they forcefully want to introduce this drama...

ahg....it's late, I have school tomorrow, don't kill me for my honest opinion. If I think of anything else I'll edit it.

love ya❤️❤️❤️❤️

[geekgirles]

Disclaimer: I am well aware of the content of the Bible Leaks. However, I will not be addressing them. If you are reading this and have read the leaks as well, please, refrain from pointing out any spoilers from them out of respect to fellow fans that chose not to spoil themselves.

With that out of the way...

Um...could we please take a moment to talk about what just happened, whatever the fuck that is, please?

If you've known me enough, then you must surely know I despise Lila Rossi. As a character, as a villain, if she were a real person I might literally bite her head off... I wholeheartedly believe she is the source of about 75% of the salt in this fandom, given most salt takes on other characters are a direct result of their actions whenever she's around.

Just her mere presence in an episode is enough to sour somewhat my viewing experience.

And even I think her character deserved better than the bullshit they're trying to pull.

Can we please agree that the whole Three Mothers and Three Identities thing is some major ass-pull????

Where the fuck does that even come from?!?!

It makes no sense, it comes completely out of the blue, and it all just comes off as some poorly woven plot to make a literal 14-year-old look worse than a grown ass abusive father terrorising a city and its inhabitants.

And you might say, "Well, Geeks. It doesn't come exactly out of the blue... There was the whole Other Mum from Risk and Different Room in Perfection thing. That's gotta count as foreshadowing."

And though I admire your efforts, I'm afraid I must insist that if that is supposed to be foreshadowing, then it's bad foreshadowing.

This doesn't feel like foreshadowing, but like some hastily added details they had to include like, "Oh, damn! That's right; we're supposed to be trying to go somewhere with this girl! I know, let's just give her a different mum and room in different episodes. That'll do it."

By the way, this also contradicts some key aspects which ultimately undermines the whole thing. Such as the fact that Lila Rossi is part of the Agreste Brand, so it makes absolutely no sense as to why someone who is clearly not Mrs. Rossi would take her to the train station. Because as evidenced by the Illusion father-teacher conference, Mrs. Rossi is indeed the woman that appeared in Heroes’ Day.

(Also, Lila was introduced as Gabriel's muse in Ladybug by Alec, though now I'm not sure if she's ever been addressed as Lila Rossi on public appearances such as Risk, but it still feels contradictory) (I don't know, maybe I'm being too nitpicky with this, but it' just feels so contradicting. I swear, I have a point and I will elaborate on it in the future)

But in the end, the reason why this fails to be proper foreshadowing is that Lila is too much of an absent character for it to properly work. Seeing as, out of 4 seasons before the current point in time, she's only really been in the spotlight/relevant in, what, 6 episodes????

It doesn't feel like a twist we should have seen coming, but as a rushed, groundless subplot that has nothing to do with her previous appearances nor does it tie itself with any of her previously shown traits other than her being a liar.

Which instead of expanding on her character, ultimately reduces it to one-dimensional levels.

I discussed this in a different post forever ago, but in my honest opinion, proper foreshadowing or, at least, character placement, would have been if Lila had shown signs of knowing Alya is Rena Rouge. Why? You may ask. 

Simple.

Because Lila has been shown in two different episodes, in different seasons, to have been paying attention closely and jealously to the things going on around her home. Namely, Ms Bustier’s class doing things together at the park which is right below her window while she was stuck at home because, for some reason, she refused to go back to school. 

As we all know, Alya first transformed into Rena Rouge in the park. It would have been the perfect explanation as to why Lila never once tried taking glory for Rena’s actions under the guise of being Ladybug’s best friend—because of course she would entrust her best friend with a miraculous! Just like it would have been the perfect chance for her to try to get closer to Adrien once more by claiming something along the lines of, “Though Ladybug overreacted, she has a tendency of doing that because we can’t forget the backhanded comments, we agreed to change my superhero identity into one that would be safer from Hawk Moth!”

Instead, by having Lila somehow pull off the triple identity con without a single warning in six years, what they are doing is robbing her of a believable reason for the way she acts!

Let’s take Chloé, for instance. 

Chloé’s actions are not excusable. Regardless of how terrible Audrey is, or how badly she neglected her before hopping on to the Enabling Train alongside André, that is never reason enough to be a bully and a total brat to absolutely everyone around you. 

However, Chloé’s reason for the way she acts makes perfect sense within context. She is not just your typical rich spoiled brat. She is a rich spoiled brat whose father is in a position of power and whom she has completely under her thumb, which results in André’s power over Paris becoming Chloé’s. And thus, whenever someone confronts her on her terrible behaviour, as long as they are not in equal footing with her (like Adrien or Kagami), she can just have her dad take care of the situation and potentially have that person or their parents/relatives’ lives ruined. 

Essentially, Chloé’s character amounts to a spoiled brat in a position of power who’s constantly throwing temper tantrums. And yet, this aspect of her personality has gradually been explored over the seasons. 

What’s scary about this is that this is a real-life issue. There are people all over the world getting away with their actions (regardless of how severe they are) because their families have money, power, connections...

Lila, par contrast, gets her character simplified each passing episode she’s featured in. 

We’ve gone from all the possibilities we were offered back in Volpina—Lila indeed just being a new girl trying to make friends but being afraid of rejection, her hating Ladybug while liking Marinette, a possible redemption, her becoming a legitimate villain in her own right rather than the narrative bending over backwards to try convince us she is not a threat even though she is barely featured at all...— to a character whose entire schtick is “Oh, look at me! I’m evil and a liar!”

As I said earlier, one-dimensional levels of character depth. 

The funny thing, though, is that Lila actually had a believable reason for the way she acted, and they are choosing to completely negate that and refuse to give their character any depth in favour of making her as malevolent as possible!

As I said with Chloé, please remember that reason does not mean excuse.

With that out of the way, let's remember how early seasons and especially Oni-Chan went out of their way to establish, or at the very least, hint at Lila being someone who most likely started lying to make herself feel special and make up for the lack of attention she was receiving at home. 

Unfortunately, as time went by, her desire to be the centre of attention and liked, never mind if she never actually put the effort to deserve any of that, far outweighed any original good will and desire for friendship and genuine connections. While the implications that her mother giving her everything she wanted in hopes of making up for her absence further soured her personality until she became the lying, petty, attention-seeking spoiled brat we know today. 

This, coupled with her desperation to be seemed and, more important, feel more special than she actually is gave us a legitimate reason as to why some petty liar would go as far as to ally herself with a terrorist.

Is it troubling behaviour? Undoubtedly. But Lila's never been shown to be a very stable individual. If the early running gag of her throwing things around when angered is any indication.

...

Um...

...esto...

...what exactly is she missing if she’s suddenly been conning three different, completely unrelated women into thinking she’s their daughter? A good psychiatrist?!?!

(I apologise for talking about a minor’s state of sanity, but you’ll have to agree with me that the writers are the first ones portraying kids as literal monsters here). 

And you might say, “You might be overthinking this, Geeks. After all, it’s a superhero show; you can’t expect it to be realistic.”

And once again you would raise a very valid point. Hell, God knows I wouldn’t watch half the things I do if they were realistic. However, it is imperative that we make a distinction: 

Fiction doesn’t have to be realistic, but it must be convincing.

And there is nothing convincing about a 14-year-old having three different identities because of how good a liar and manipulator she supposedly is. 

Marinette pulls off impressive, crazy feats every single day? That is convincing because we see repeatedly how Marinette has both a complexity addiction due to a need to control things to calm her anxiety, and the fact that what ultimately saves the day is her natural quick-thinking and creativity, not to mention the fact that she has superpowers.

Chloé gets to expel people just by threatening to call her dad, the Mayor? Again, it is convincing, and probably even realistic, because she is in a position of power and, unlike Lila, her actions are appropriate in the sense that they are outlandishly cartoonish.

Lila...she doesn’t have that. 

Maybe it's just me, but I just can't seem to buy the excuse that any responsible mother would be okay with their underaged daughter "going to Africa to deal with poachers" all by herself, especially in the middle of the school year. Just like I have the feeling many parents would at least be apprehensive at the idea of their teenage daughter becoming such a public figure as both a model and the face of the Alliance rings.

But hey, maybe those are just signs of me having the potential to become an overprotective mother in the future. Instead of, you know, one of the most atrocious cases of the Adults Are Useless trope I've ever seen.

Nevertheless, as of right now Lila doesn’t even have much depth. And I’m not saying she needs some sob story that will make us feel sorry for her, no. You don’t need to make a villain sympathetic for them to be a good villain. After all, Frollo from the Hunchback of Notre Dame has no sympathetic traits nor does he have a sad backstory whatsoever and he is still one of the best Disney villlains ever. 

So what am I supposed to do with Lila? What, do I have to wait until season 6 comes around and retrospectively reveals she’s not a teenage girl at all but some sort of ancient witch who lures people in with her syren song and feeds off of their adoration for her?

At this point it just feels like the writers are so desperate for adding shock value, that they forget to add anything of value.

[galacticwildfire]

Fire Meet Gasoline | Poe Dameron

One

Poe Dameron x Solo Original Character

Hope Solo’s haunted by the night the temple burned. Having gone rogue she hunts the First Order in search of answers until a fateful encounter with Poe Dameron brings her back to the Resistance and Leia puts her daughter under his command to find Luke Skywalker.

Word count: 8.3k

Tags/warnings: hondo ohnaka reminiscing the clone wars, boba fett, r2 being sick of skywalker bs, mentions of war crimes/torture, ptsd, descriptions of injury, typical skywalker bs over ranks, absent father/angry daughter, meet cute, flirting, ego's, simp poe, exhausted leia

A/N: hey guys first chapter is finally up after I swore to rewrite this in march and the prequel will be up in it's entirety very soon as well. First half of the chapter spends some time setting up the story before Poe comes in. I promise Han and Luke aren't as bad they are through her eyes, Leia pov next chapter will give context. Also all my stories are written for adults with adult themes, I use appropriate tags but read at your discretion.

Prologue

~

~

~

32 ABY | Two Years Before A Force Awakens

Hope

It was meant to be a simple run, picking up the package from the contact and ensuring its safe passage. Whenever Hondo Ohnaka tells me it's an easy job that I'd handle with no problem I know to expect some sort of trouble in the form of a skirmish or firefight, but I didn't expect that skirmish to be with tie-fighters.

I'm used to taking them out, but I prefer being the one ambushing them instead of the other way around.

"Solo, you're alive!" Hondo laughs anxiously at the look on my face as I walk into his outpost on Batuu and slam the box down on the table. "Careful now, that's fragile!"

"What the hell did you send me to get that the First Order would want?" I ask him and he curses as he downs the rest of his drink. "Hondo, I swear-"

"Those bastards have finally done it!" he declares to no one in particular. "I knew it was only a matter of time before they targeted my business, just like the Empire did. One empire falls and another-"

I don't wait for him to finish his dramatics before I pull open the box but freeze when I see what's inside. "We already raided Grakkus the Hutt's vault, where did you find this?"

"Maz Kanata," he answers and raises his hands in his defence at how I gape at him. "Like myself she feels a certain sense of nostalgia when it comes to Jedi relics and well, it just so happens I had one of my men infiltrate her castle to steal one."

"Maz Kanata is a friend," I remind him but he doesn't seem awfully phased.

"Which is why I did not tell you what you were getting or who it was stolen from," he tries to reason as I hold the kyber crystal in my hand, a real kyber crystal. It's cracked and faded from the years, no use to me but it would still be priceless. "Well, it's not as impressive as I was hoping for, but I don't suppose you can use your Jedi magic to make it look pretty again for me?"

"No," I answer curtly, there still being one question I need the answer to. "How did the First Order just happen to know I'd be transporting a kyber crystal when I didn't even know what I was carrying?"

"They didn't," he answers and now I'm the one cursing as I realise what's happened, that they weren't targeting the shipment, but me. "It is not profitable for the First Order's tie-fighters to be repeatedly destroyed by one rogue Jedi in a starfighter, embarrassing for their reputation, so I'll let you put that one together."

"Shit," I whisper, knowing if the First Order's profiled me then the Resistance is only going to be one step behind them in figuring out who's been tormenting First Order patrols in the Outer Rims. 

Which means Mom will know exactly what I've been doing out here.

"I still do not understand, you want to kill the bastards but left the only organisation willing to do it," Hondo says, a pirate but still a jedi and rebel sympathiser at heart, and like all supposedly legitimate former criminals running illegal operations, he's worried they're going to put his business at risk. 

"Because if I shoot first I break the Galactic Concordance and every other damn treaty they've signed which puts the Resistance in trouble with the senate and risks declaring open war," I answer, frustration still thick in my voice after all this time. "Which I did and got permanently grounded to avoid starting said war, but thankfully it made me realise it's no fun fighting a cold war when I can be out here taking the fight straight to them without consequences, and the last thing I need is to be held back."

But I didn't just fire first, I wiped out one of their elite ground squadrons to try to find out where Ben is on what was meant to be reconaissance, to ask their captain where Snoke has my brother stationed. Except I didn't just ask and he had a nice little electric shocker in his pocket to stop me from finishing my interrogation. When Mom heard about the mess I'd left I wasn't just demoted from captain, but forbidden from partaking in any off base missions at the insistence of every single member of high command pending complete expulsion. 

And so I left. Almost a year later I still haven't showed my face.

"Haha, you do come from that Skywalker boy, he liked committing war crimes too," Hondo laughs and my eyes roll back in my head, preparing to hear for the tenth time how he once fought the man who became Darth Vader and lived to tell the tale since the galaxy now knows that unfortunate truth. "Good with a lightsaber, although I cannot forgive him for killing my good friend Kenobi and you know, all the rest. But once I acquire the right weapon we must duel for old times sake."

I never thought a pirate could so intimately know two utterly separate generations of my family through swindling them but there always seems to be surprises. "So you can get your ass handed to you again?"

"He liked to insult me as well, although not as well as Kenobi," he remembers fondly and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't found his stories of working with and against Anakin and Obi-Wan interesting, to hear what my grandfather was like from one of the few people still alive who knew him during the Clone Wars. "So did your father, I'll never forget when I tried to steal the Falcon from him, I'm still mad someone else beat me to it."

My spirits sour at the mention of him and I pour myself a drink from the bottle on the table only to grow more bitter at the taste of the Corellian whiskey, then quickly put it down remembering another story Hondo once told me. "Well I fully intend to steal it back and if my father wants it he can come and find me."

Somehow that wound is more raw than anything that happened the night the temple burned despite the permanent scars it left me with. A father packing up and leaving because he couldn't look at my mother without seeing Ben, and he couldn't look at me for reasons I still don't understand. I'm sure he only stayed as long as he did because Chewie refused to leave me behind, until eventually Dad didn't care anymore and left both of us. 

"A lasar sword wielding maniac with the knack for piracy is a formidable opponent," he acknowledges and informs me. "From what I hear he is keeping low, owes money to the worst of the worst, people not even I, Hondo Ohnaka, would double cross and that is saying something. But I have no doubt he would be very proud his daughter is giving him a run for his credits and has certainly made a profitable investment."

The thought he'd be proud of what I'm doing is the opposite of what I want, but the rest is hardly news. "What can I say? I'm the best pilot there is."

I'm not quite sure how I ended up as an investment for some of the most established underworld figures there are. It began with me looking in all the wrong places for Dad and instead finding old friends and foes of his who were quite curious to see what I could do for them. Being nineteen with no credits, my weapons, and a ship in desperate need of maintenance, I was happy enough to oblige them. 

Perhaps I hoped working for the very people who'd betrayed Dad time and time again would be enough he'd track me down out of anger to smack some sense into me like he should have done to Ben, but no. He's a ghost like the rest of the men in my family. 

Still, in this unexpected change of career path I've learned a thing or two about profit and have turned my transport, my dear Shiraya, into an armoured starship that could almost be called luxurious, along with my more recently acquired and heavily modified Naboo Starfighter that I make use of for the contracts Boba Fett provides me to hunt down the First Order patrols trying to interfere in his operations.

"Speaking of which," Hondo continues to try to distract from the payment he owes for the delivery. "Boba has a contract for you."

Now those are always good words. 

"But first," I say and look at the kyber crystal knowing it could go for half a million credits even in this state since genuine kyber is so rare, especially since this one appears to have been used in a saber at some point, no doubt dismantled for parts long ago. "I want half of the profits."

"Oh no, you merely transported the goods," he says and negotiates. "Ten percent."

I hold his eye carefully. "Thirty."

"Fifteen and don't you try those Jedi mind tricks on me," he says and I just smile to myself. "Fifteen percent which you will receive once I find a buyer."

"Twenty five and I'll be coming for my credits," I promise him as go to head out the door to where R2 awaits. My faithful companion since I was twelve years old, my best friend, my only friend, although always eager to get off this planet since he has a longstanding grudge against Hondo for numerous Clone Wars era offences. 

But he won't exactly like where we're going next either.

"Come on R2, to Tatooine it is."

~

The evidence of the recent Boonta Eve celebrations are still evident from the bottles on the streets and firework shells scattered across the sand. People are still settling their debts from the races as a New Republic news channel plays from one of the holoprojectors in the square and I hear the Resistance mentioned fleetingly in arguments over funding for the ever decreasing Republic navy. A reminder that I've never been gone from base this long. 

For Mom's sake I held it together and threw myself into forming the Resistance with her after the temple burned, but when Dad disappeared without a word that was when I began to finally lose it. Mom and I had our fights to the point we became notorious for them. I'd run off for a week or two and stay with Lando, but eventually I'd always go home. 

Until now.

But after what I did she was horrified. One mention of my brother's name from the First Order captain, or rather his new name, and I snapped and learned just what a lightsaber is capable of doing to a lifeform. Even if he was the one who took his own life they still blamed me for his death since they knew the First Order certainly would and feared retaliation. I'd previously engaged the enemy and disobeyed orders countless times, I was known for insubordination and worked alone in the field since we didn't even have enough pilots for an active squadron, so when they told me I couldn't step foot in my x-wing after what I'd done I was shocked. I shouldn't have been, I'd pushed command to the brink too many times to count, but the torture of an unarmed evil man had them debating if I should be removed from the Resistance entirely. 

And so I made the decision before they could and took off. 

But not alone, never alone as long as I have R2 with me, even if he has been difficult this past year. R2 complains the whole way to the palace, while he's loyal to a fault he has made it clear he does not agree with my choice of lifestyle. Even if I'm walking around with more credits than Dad ever did while he's in debt to the worst of the worst. 

I hope that wherever he is he knows it too, that he abandoned his daughter to go back to the only thing he was ever good at, only for me to put him to shame.

I'm a recognisable enough figure by now as I walk through Mos Espa, the place Anakin Skywalker was found by the Jedi Order, a place I've now come to frequent having long ago deterred anyone trying to collect Dad's debts from me from trying that again, and being under the Daimyo's protection gives me privileges.

Perhaps Boba Fett thought it would be ironic to have Vader's grandaughter being the one serving him, or maybe he found humour in Han Solo's daughter being on his payroll, either way it's been profitable for both of us. He's getting old to say the least and muscle is a needed supply in these parts. Jedi have been myth for decades and the sight of Vader's own blood with a lightsaber is enough to deter most trouble, the rest I deal with.

"Solo," Boba says as I enter the palace that once belonged to Jabba the Hutt, my visions have showed me well enough what transpired here when Mom was his slave along with other unfortunate visions of my family's history here on Tatooine. Psychometry, to this day I still can't decide if it's a gift or a curse. "I have a contract."

"Hondo told me," I say and eagerly ask "First Order?"

"They've been patrolling well beyond the border regions and now they've turned their attention to my sector," he informs me. "I had one of my men string up a First Order spy we found in the city but we know there's more and I have it on good authority there's a squadron or perhaps more of tie fighters patrolling the system."

"I'll take them out," I say immediately and he gives an approving nod but stops me before I can leave. 

"You know Solo, it's past time you accepted the offer of membership to the guild," he says, and while the offer certainly flatters me I know the consequences of formally making myself a scoundrel for hire. "You can start making real coin then."

Except it's far more complicated than that when I still have legal duties. Mom did not pass down her responsibilities as Princess of Alderaan to me on a whim, she did it out of necessity. When the truth about her real father was exposed she was ruined, the senate and her allies had turned on her, so with full faith she stood there and transferred whatever powers that title still gave her to me. They could force her resignation and silence her voice, but not mine. 

"A princess joining a bounty hunting guild isn't good press for the Resistance," I say, knowing the moment my name is processed in the guild's database that information would be sent straight to the New Republic which would very much complicate any business I might have to conduct in the senate. Even if I've left the Resistance I cannot betray Mom's trust in me when it comes to those responsibilities. "Besides, its loyalties are too loose for my liking. The same as most of the people out here who keep trying to exploit me into paying off Han Solo's debts to them."

It's a miracle Boba Fett doesn't do business with the Empire's successor considering his loyalties were always famously for hire, but from the stories I've heard and those he's told me he has personal reasons to detest the Imperial remnants that the First Order came from, having made himself an enemy of them long ago. It's only because of the stories he's told I know there is one other survivor like me out there, although from a different destruction of a different temple many years before my own. 

Mom would be disappointed in my current career to say the least, but I only ever take work from those who were friends of the Jedi or the Rebellion, even if they didn't necessarily begin that way. Boba is as far as that line blurs, but considering he turned on those remnants to help save a Jedi youngling that's good enough for me.

"I would advise you to remember princess that it's the people out here who were the lifeblood that kept the Rebellion running, especially in its early days," he lectures. "They were the ones who smuggled weapons and all the rest to their bases without the Empire intercepting it, without them the rebellion would have been over as soon as it began. Even the Jedi in the Clone Wars did business with our kind, your grandfather included as Hondo's no doubt told you. Like him I'd met your grandfather long before he became Vader when I was just a child, he was much like you are now and just as self righteous. The biggest difference between Anakin Skywalker and Vader was that at least Vader kept his mouth shut when he didn't need to open it, a lesson you could learn."

"I was trained to be a politician before I was ever trained to be a Jedi so that's not gonna work," I retort and he shakes his head. "And there's a very big difference between smuggling weapons for a rebellion and smuggling people for traffickers."

He doesn't like that response but somewhere a line has to be drawn. "Your mother might be high and mighty about working with us low lives despite marrying one, but I would have thought you'd be smarter than that."

"I'm smart enough to know the moment the senate learns we do any business with smugglers and crime lords they cut all funding and support," I challenge, still politically adept from my upbringing and time served in the senate. "We can't afford to make more enemies than we already have."

"We?" he repeats and I lower my eyes. "I thought you said you weren't part of the Resistance, that you were too efficient for their liking, which you are. You've got a ruthless streak that would make you a damn good bounty hunter, or a mercenary for hire if that's more your style, but you're too afraid of what your mother would think to fulfil that potential, or maybe you just don't have the backbone I thought you did."

His words are true which is why they sting, except for the part about having a backbone. My first instinct is to lash out in defence but I bite my tongue, remembering who it is I'm standing in front of. I'm certainly not afraid of him but he's one of the few people in the Outer Rim's I'm willing to work for considering he's the only one willing to pay me to go after the First Order. And maybe I've found a certain wisdom in Boba Fett considering the enemy I face. The rest of the Resistance worries about stormtroopers and tie-fighters, but I know there's a different enemy only I can face and what better way to learn to kill the Knights of Ren and Snoke than from a man who is more than experienced in hunting and killing those trained in the force.

Mom would be horrified, but I know they're out there and I know I'm the only one who can destroy them since Luke's run away, which means I need preparation that she can't give me while she chases a ghost.

"You forget my focus isn't on credits, but on killing as many of those bastards as I can until I get close enough to their leader to strike him down," I say and nod my head in respect to the Daimyo. "And that's what I'm going to do."

But before I can leave he warns me "I bet Vader thought he'd do the same, but he didn't have a backbone either."

Something in me goes cold, but if there's anyone who has the grounds to challenge me on Vader it's his right hand man. "In the end he did. He killed Palpatine."

"When they were all but defeated above Endor," he says and I try to keep my face neutral, having never thought the day would come when I'd ever defend anything Vader did but things change. "Anakin Skywalker was known as the hero without fear and yet he became a slave, from what I hear for the second time in his life. Even if he did kill him in the end he was still a slave to his master. I wonder if Kylo Ren thinks he's going to do the same," he challenges and my face falls, my throat tightening at the very mention of his name. "So it is true then."

My hand tremors slightly and I'm at a loss for how he could have that information, managing only one word. "How?"

"Vader's grandson conveniently dies just like Skywalker did during Order 66 and now a new Vader pops up as the First Order's enforcer," he says and tilts his helmeted head. "Educated guess. You know what they say, history repeats."

My body may be cold but I can feel something burning in me at those words, remembering it all, everything up until the moment lightning hit the temple. Seeing his eyes turn yellow as he raged with his saber drawn, screaming that Luke was dead and that he'd betrayed us. 

Luke was his master and mine before Ben had taken me as his apprentice despite Luke's disapproval. I'd asked Ben to not hold me back and he did just that, something Luke never did. He was my brother, my teacher, and I tried to walk away from him and my training to form the Resistance. That was my final mistake that sealed what would happen that night.

And so my voice shakes as I insist. "He's no Vader."

"Someone should tell him that then," he remarks and leans back on his throne. "Because from what I hear he's earned himself quite the reputation, black mask and all."

I feel sick and without another word leave the palace with a purpose, knowing every tie fighter I take down is one less between me and killing their Supreme Leader. I thought I could never feel more horrified than the night the temple burned, concussed and choking on ash with lightsaber burns to my arm and thigh, only one of which I actually recall receiving, but when we discovered that Snoke, the creature that had seduced Ben to the darkness, was the mysterious leader of the First Order I watched Mom fall to her knees. 

Whatever Mom believes happened that night, whether I'm lying about not remembering or have suppressed it, I truly don't remember what happened after lightning struck the temple, there's only flashes of screams and pain. Once we felt Ben turn we let everyone believe he died in the fire, no one would dare ask a grieving mother to account for a missing son.

From the start I knew I was searching in vain, for an uncle, a father, a brother. All ghosts. Luke can stay hiding in exile for all I care, but for so long I thought I could bring Ben back so Mom wouldn't have to suffer the loss of a son as well as a husband and a brother. So I wouldn't have to suffer the loss of a brother as well as a father. My idiot brother who became so delusional when he discovered who the man he worshipped, Anakin Skywalker, truly was. As at odds as we were, he was the he only other person in the galaxy who knew was it was like to be the heir of Skywalker, of Vader. To be vilified for sharing blood with a man we never knew, for being able to wield a power so many distrust. Now I'm alone in that. 

For so long I tried so hard to do what she asked of me, but whenever I would step foot on Hosnian Prime to petition the senate for funding I would hear the whispers, the speculation. When a temple full of children burns to the ground and Luke Skywalker disappears people want answers, answers I couldn't give. Answers I can't give. 

But when I'm the only survivor people look to put the blame somewhere.

It's only fitting in their eyes that it's on the blood of the Jedi Killer himself.

R2 beeps at me as we scout the system, I thought by now he'd give up trying to get me to go home but he hasn't. I thought when I left Mom I'd no longer have to look at someone who's afraid I'll turn into Vader, or my brother, but R2 has seen too much to not be afraid I'll fall as well. Except much to my sorrow I can hardly fault him for it knowing what he's seen.

"How about after this we go to Naboo for a little while?" I propose to him, it's only a stone's throw from Tatooine and where I've resided in my free time. With the Lakehouse all but forgotten during the Empire's reign I've found refuge there, having put most of my spare credits into restoring it since it fell into ruin. The Naberrie family had said it was meant to be where Padmé raised her children, and that all that was left to her she would want to be passed onto me and I do what I can to preserve her memory. For a long time Naboo was my home almost as much as it was her's, and R2 likes that idea, Naboo having been his home once as well.

The N-1's controls are engrained into my memory from my training and education there, having been the youngest starpilot to ever fly as part of their starfighter corps at the mere age of twelve. I'd grown up in N-1's as much as the Falcon, although I had become quite fond of my x-wing that no doubt still resides on D'Qar, that better still be there and waiting for me, even if it never saw as much action as I wish it had.

I like to think Dad would be proud of me if I could tell him that by the age of twenty I'd become a quadruple ace, even if those kills were achieved with contracts like these instead of with the Resistance. Perhaps he'd be horrified instead despite being the first one to put me behind laser cannons in the field. Any reaction would be acceptable if it meant I could just see him, but now I'm seeing another target.

"Here we go R2, you see them?" I say, eyeing a group of tie's coming out from behind one of the moons. "This is where the fun begins."

Even if he pretends to be worried for the sake of my self preservation, an override of his loyalty programming installed by Luke to keep me from getting myself killed, I know he loves this almost as much as I do. When a droid's been in action for nearly seventy years he tends to become more independent than his programming and I know he's missed being shot at even if he'd disagree. 

"It's just target practice R2," I tell him as I prepare to ambush, taking a moment to see if the First Order's bothered to make any modifications to their tie's with the amount I've been taking out, having collected data from the wreckages, but it seems they're happy to keep sending them out as cannon fodder. "Let's see, take them out in the open or herd them into that asteroid belt?"

He agrees with the asteroid belt, and so do I. Tie's aren't as nimble as a Naboo starfighter.

"I count eight, should be easy pickings," I say and prepare to attack. "Let's get em."

I debate strategy as I come up behind them to ambush, my instincts tell me now might not be the time to play around and I have the nagging feeling there's more where these eight have come from and so instead of taking my time I fire the proton torpedo I've been itching to use right into the centre of their formation. The shot takes out the tie's in the centre with the exception of the flanking ships that scatter at the blast and sure enough another formation comes up behind me from one of the moons.

This just got slightly more dangerous now that they're the ones trying to push me into the asteroid belt, but only slightly. "Easy R2, follow my lead and prepare for a L'ulo stand."

After taking out the flanking ships I cut the engine's thrusters and pull up hard a fraction of a second later in the same manoeuvre that L'ulo taught me when he joined the Resistance, a manoeuvre he taught me could only be done in atmosphere, space is a little trickier to pull it off in but manageable with counter thrusters. The nose of my ship slams upwards to slow the acceleration of my fighter so the tie's behind me overshoot, counting ten in total that head straight past me for the asteroid belt, finding myself surprised by the amount they have to spare, but at least the amount I'll get paid will more than cover the cost to replace the torpedo.

Now to scatter them and pick them off.

"Alright R2, fire up those thrusters for me," I say and a second later they come back roaring as I roll the N-1 before slamming the nose down again and shoot forward to herd the second formation into the asteroid belt, grinning as I follow after the scattering ties, manoeuvering the belt with ease and by the time I exit the tie's are either destroyed by my laser canons or their own shitty piloting. The First Order clearly have pilots to spare but not instructors. 

But in the heat of the moment I failed to notice the x-wing that had followed me through the belt and my heart stops at the realisation I didn't see it, a mistake that could have me dead if it was a First Order ship.

"The hell?" I whisper at the sight once I recover from the momentary shock. "The Republic shouldn't be out here..." It's then I take in the model of the x-wing and realise it's a T-70. It's a Resistance X-Wing. "Fuck." R2 beeps at me and I remind him "Who taught me to curse R2? I'd settle somewhere between you and Mom and if she's sent a fighter after me... no- no, she has no idea where I am."

At least I hope not.

A transmission comes through the radio as R2 begins to lecture me, a man's voice interrupting him. "Naboo starfighter identify yourself."

R2 feels the need to point out it's the Resistance, not so kindly suggesting we should follow them home. I never knew a droids patience could wear thin but R2 may just be getting too old to deal with Skywalker bullshit. 

"Yes R2 I'm aware it's a Resistance x-wing," I say before answering the transmission and replying to the pilot. "No, I don't think I will."

He doesn't seem to like that answer, but plays along. "Before you get cocky are you aware you were just ambushed by a squadron of tie-fighters belonging to the First Order and that I came to assist?"

He hasn't identified himself which means he's impersonating a New Republic officer by ordering me to identify myself, most pilots wouldn't pick up on the difference between x-wing models, but I know better. 

"I was the one ambushing them," I grin, a little smug I'd taken them out before he could even get a shot, finding his voice unfamiliar which means he's a new pilot who wouldn't know mine. "I'd thank you for your assistance but you were a little late."

His ship pulls up beside mine, close enough to see clearly into the cockpit, and I make out a grin beneath his helmet as he says "It's a shame, I thought this patrol was about to get interesting."

"I didn't think New Republic pilots were allowed to engage," I say since he's failed to identify himself and I want to see how long he keeps this ruse up, but I can't help but like what I see and tease. "Am I under arrest officer?"

I hear him laugh and study his face as best I can, finding it attractive and unfamiliar even with it being obstructed by his flight helmet, but my stomach drops at the markings on his ship and helmet that tell me I'm certainly not mistaken in my identification that he's with the Resistance, spying an orange and white astromech with him. "It's your lucky day, I'm not New Republic."

"Thought not," I say, continuing to play naive. "They aren't allowed to patrol this sector anymore so that leaves the question of who you are."

He continues to play along and I realise he's enjoying this. "Take a wild guess?"

"A moonjockey in a beaten up x-wing?" 

"Beaten up?" I hear him repeat in offence and I can't help but smile. "Not everyone's got the credits to be flying state of the art N-1's so why don't you tell me what organisation you're with?" he asks, knowing I'm sure as hell not part of any New Republic starfighter corps if I'm attacking the First Order without provocation. "Bounty hunters guild or something like that, hired security?"

"Something like that," I answer before remarking "Maybe I'm just a pilot like you who's sick of those bastards and decided to take matters into my own hands."

He seems to like that answer as much as it surprises him. He keeps his ship level with mine and only then does it occur to me that my face could be recognisable from his angle since I can certainly see his, but he doesn't seem to have a damn clue who I am.

"You know," he begins. "The Resistance is looking for pilots."

I have to hold back laughter at the irony. "Is that so?"

"I was tracking the tie's that got behind you before you went into the asteroid field, counted fourteen you took out with those cannons, makes you a double ace, triple if you count the one's you herded into the asteroids."

"I'm a quadruple," I correct a little too proudly. "And that was easy work."

Somehow nothing clicks in his head which makes me wonder where the hell the Resistance believes I actually am for one of their pilots to not register who I must be. Even if he's a newer recruit I'm the daughter of Leia Organa and Han Solo, hell I was the best pilot they had before they permanently grounded me. People know who I am and I'm slightly offended he doesn't. 

Which is why I'm confused as much as amused when he offers. "You're a hell of a pilot, I've only ever known two pilots to pull off that manoeuvre you did and I'm one of them, definitely the only other one to be able to pull it off in space. If you're as good as you seem I can put you in touch with General Leia Organa herself."

I can't help but look back at R2 to make sure he's hearing this but instead of laughing along he beeps at me to consider it, to go home.

"I know I'm a hell of a pilot," I state. "Best one there is."

"Well I don't know about that," he says and wonder just how good he thinks he is. "But I'd be willing to see what you've got."

The challenge is clear in my voice. "Is that so?"

Instead of backing down like a responsible Resistance pilot should he takes it on. "That's right."

He tilts his helmet towards me and I make out the stubbled face beneath the helmet, even obstructed I can't miss the stupidly handsome grin he flashes me and he knows it. Typical flyboy.

Except I might actually like this one.

"Alright hotshot," I say and fire up my thrusters, finding myself genuinely curious. "You know, I never got your name."

"Commander Poe Dameron," he says and it rings a bell even if I know it won't come to me until later. "Of the Resistance if you haven't put that part together yet."

I roll my eyes and even R2 has to laugh at that until something clicks and I very quickly change my mind about liking this one. 

"Commander huh?" I say, realising he must be something then for a man who wasn't there a year ago to get promoted so quickly to a rank I never even held. It almost makes me bitter, nope, it definitely makes me bitter. Almost three years, there since the damn beginning and I was never even considered for that rank, then a new flyboy turns up and takes it. "You must be a real hotshot then."

"The best," he says and R2 begins calculating the jump to hyperspace before I can even give the command. "And you still haven't identified yourself."

"And I'm not going to," I say as I prepare to take off. "But I'm sure you'll figure it out Commander, give General Organa my regards."

He's taken back enough by that remark that I get a head start on him, my ship being far faster than his is with the illegal modifications to the thrusters and while he pursues I quickly lose him through the asteroid belt, getting far enough out of his line of sight until I'm satisfied before jumping to hyperspace so he can't follow and once I'm clear I realise my hands are trembling slightly.

Even if he has no idea who I am, Mom will piece it together if she hasn't already. If the First Order's profiled a rogue Naboo starfighter in the Outer Rims targeting tie fighters I know she has to have the same intelligence from Threepio's spy network. 

If she doesn't know what I've been doing, she's about to.

And if she thought me engaging the enemy was bad, she's going to lose it when she realises what I've been doing in the year since I left base. 

~

Poe

She jumps to hyperspace and I sit there purely stunned, the slight hit to my ego overshadowed by her piloting. I've never seen anyone ever fly like that except for myself, pulling off stunts I thought were impossible until I'd done them in the heat of a skirmish, and not just that, she pulled them off like they were nothing. 

I've come to think of myself as one of the best pilots in the galaxy, knowing it's not ego or arrogance but pure fact. I know damn well what I can do in a cockpit and the results I produce, but she might be the first person I've ever met who could possibly, potentially, have me beat.

I should be mad about that possible fact, but that's the last thing I'm feeling right now, and maybe there's a few butterflies flying about amongst the overwhelming awe. 

"She's something huh BB?" I find myself saying and shake my head in wonder. "Is this what love at first sight feels like because wow..."

No adequate words to finish that sentence come to mind and for a few more minutes at least I sit there stunned until getting it into my head that I have to tell Leia about her. For whatever no doubt valid reason she hates the First Order and she's picking them off like they're nothing, Leia's had me doing recruiting the past few months since I joined and I think I just hit gold.

I have to recruit her.

My heart's still racing from the encounter as I come out of hyperspace and enter D'Qar's atmosphere, asking myself who the hell she could be and what training she has to have to be able to fly like that. She has to be ex navy, or from a planetary starfighter corps, but even then I can't begin to comprehend that a rogue pilot who flies like that is picking off tie-fighters and hasn't been recruited. 

I've gotta tell Leia about her and then go track her down.

"Another boring patrol?" Snap asks as I climb down from my ship but I can't help the grin on my face and the moment my feet hit the ground I can practically feel myself pumping with nervous excitement and so can he. "Get some action then?"

"Oh I wish," I answer and can't help but blurt everything out to him. "Thought I was gonna get some when I tracked some tie-fighter's trying to ambush a lone starfighter but turns out she was the one ambushing them. I counted her take down fourteen with my own eyes and when I caught up to her and asked her to identify herself she just laughed like it was nothing." I find myself shaking my head, knowing it wasn't just her flying that left an impression. "Let me tell you Snap, she's something else."

"So Poe Dameron sees someone blowing up tie fighters and falls in love?" Snap teases while working on his ship, half listening. "Sounds about right."

"You should have seen her man, the manoeuvres she pulled, she pulled a L'ulo stand like it was absolutely nothing and let me tell you when I saw her I swear I did fall in love," I say and can't help but gush a little since it's just Snap. "Brunette with these big eyes, the messy eyeliner you know." He suddenly stops what he's working on but I don't take much notice. "She's got an attitude on her and she's damn beautiful too, but that's beside the point. I've never seen anything like what she did in the field, hell I don't even know where she learned a L'ulo stand but she did it in space. In space Snap! I thought I was the only person that's ever pulled that off." 

He looks over and clears his throat before asking "She identify herself?"

"No, she didn't," I admit, still a little mad she got away without identifying herself but she has to be contracted by someone in the sector to be taking them out with missiles like it's nothing. Hell I wish the Resistance had the spare credits to use torpedoes on tie fighter formations. Not that we're meant to even shoot at them of course. "But I've got another patrol in the sector in a few days and I'll track her down, she'd be a hell of an asset."

Cautiously he asks "And how old was she?"

"Early twenties maybe?" I guess and he nods, like he knows something I don't but my mind's racing a little too fast to think about that. "She was amazing, hell I've never seen anyone fly like that, except for me of course."

Snap nods slowly and slaps a hand on my shoulder. "Might want to mention that to the General."

"Already on it," I grin, maybe a bit ahead of myself but Leia's had me doing recruiting and I'd be neglecting my duty if I didn't follow this up, but I'd be lying if I said that's the only reason I'm excited. "You know, I think she was flirting with me."

He's visibly surprised and looks like he's struggling to keep a straight face as he says "Maybe not mention that part to the General."

~

The grin's still on my face as I come to Leia's office still in my flight suit but she hardly seems phased by the informal visit, if anything relieved to see me in one piece. "Poe you're back, did you find any activity around Tatooine?"

"Oh yep," I say and sit down across from her, practically buzzing with an excitement I haven't felt in a long time. "Two squadrons of tie's, I was following their trail when they were ambushed by a pilot in a Naboo starfighter and she took them out like they were nothing, fired a damn torpedo right into them."

"She?" She wears the same expression Snap did now. "Did she identify herself?"

"No, she took off before she did."

"Well did you get close enough to see her what she looks like or anything else identifying?" Leia asks and her sudden interest surprises me, but it's the desperate edge to her voice that really takes me aback.

"She was pretty," is the first thing that comes out of my mouth, even if it's an understatement, but I quickly realise I misspoke with how she raises her eyebrows at that answer.

"I'm going to need a little bit more than that Commander Dameron," she says with the fond but frustrated tone that's become familiar and I quickly try to redeem myself. 

"Early twenties, brunette, wasn't wearing a helmet and it um-looked like her hair was braided," I start trying to describe and realise she looks a bit like Leia but considering I just blurted out that she's pretty I won't say that, that would just make things weird. "Fair skinned, human."

I can't quite read her face as she clarifies "So she was flying a Naboo starfighter, and did she have a blue and white astromech, an R2 unit?"

"Yeah," I answer in surprise and at the look that crosses her face realise "You know her."

A thought quickly comes to mind but I dismiss it just as quickly. I know Leia has a daughter who's a pilot, Leia's said as much, but from what I've heard she's at university and doing political stuff in the core worlds on Leia's behalf so there's no chance it could be her and besides, there's no way the kid of Leia Organa would be out there acting like that and taking jobs for hire in the Outer Rims. Well considering that's Han Solo's kid as well it's possible but still, from what I've heard about her and seen on the holonews she's more of a politician like Leia than a hop in an x-wing and blow something up sort of fighter, otherwise she'd be on base leading the wing Leia put me in charge of.

Still, Leia takes a deep breath, having to stabilise herself. "I know this Naboo starfighter has gained quite the reputation in the Outer Rims," she reveals to me and feel that cloud of grief that so often follows the General, hear the ache in her voice that's so common but this time there's hope amongst it. "We've been trying to build a profile and the information you've just brought me is far more valuable than anything else you could have collected. Thank you Poe."

"I'm meant to go back out there in a few days," I begin, knowing I'm not gonna be able to let this go. "She's a hell of a pilot and I really think she could be a great asset."

"So do I," she says without missing a beat, amusement written across her face.

"She said she's sick of the First Order and it seems like she's being contracted to take out tie's in the sector so I told her the Resistance was recruiting and she said to give you her regards."

She stills now. "You spoke to her?"

"Yeah," I say and her face changes. "She might have a bit of an ego but from what I've seen she lives up to it. I've seen a lot of pilots but I don't think I've ever seen anything like her, she was picking them off like they were nothing, pulling stunts I've barely been able to pull off."

It hurts my pride a little to admit that but it's true, she really is something else and I need the General to see that as well. 

She purses her lips together and nods before asking "What else can you tell me?"

"Claimed to be a quadruple ace which not even Biggs Darklighter was but-"

"Not about her boasting," Leia sighs and I start to get the sense she actually must know her personally only to jump in my seat as she loudly exclaims "Quadruple ace?! How many kills is that?"

"Twenty or more," I answer and can't hide my concern as she puts her head in her hands. "General?"

"So you're telling me this rogue pilot has made herself a quadruple ace by hunting the First Order for sport?"

Not how I'd put it but I still nod, not seeing a problem with it. "Sounds about right."

"Force give me strength," she murmurs and asks "What impression did she give you besides being pretty and please use your head when you open your mouth this time."

I press my lips together slightly embarrassed, realising I definitely had the wrong choice of words there so try to make up for it now. "With the modifications to her starfighter she's got to have some credits to spare. Took her for the type to be doing contracted work to take them out since it's Tatooine and the people there wouldn't want the First Order anywhere near their business. When I asked if she was part of one of the guilds or something like that she said something like that and that she's sick of those bastards and decided to take matters into her own hands. Her words not mine."

She leans back in disapproval, but surprisingly not towards me. "Did she now?"

Before I can say anything else to put Leia off recruiting her I stress what I came here to say in the first place. "Which is why I recommended she consider the Resistance and that I'd put you in touch."

"You did?" she says and I realise I might have overstepped but stand by my decision.

"With all due respect General, you didn't see what I did out in the field."

"I'm quite aware of her skills," she says but before I can ask any more questions she waves me off. "I'll handle her, you focus on your patrols and have Snap fly a reconnaissance mission in the sector to see where those tie fighters were based, there's no doubt more where they came from."

"General, I can-"

"No, because you'll blow them up," she says knowingly. "That's if this rogue pilot doesn't get to them first. Thank you for bringing this information to me, could you write up a mission report as well."

She's frustrated, but not with me for once. She really does know this pilot personally.

I'm left with questions but the pained look in her eyes keeps my mouth shut and I nod. 

"Of course General."

"Thank you," she says again, genuine gratitude in her voice. 

Over the past few months I've been here I've felt the unmistakeable shroud of mourning that hangs over her as it does now, having become familiar with it from my own father. Except I've never seen such raw emotion in her eyes before, which leaves me wondering what history she and this rogue pilot could possibly have.

[timetoddddavis]

jirou x otoya

chase x gou

ankh x eiji

for ship asks?

This took me a little longer to get to, sorry!!

-Jiro and Otoya

Does it made sense? Yeah, like, more than I expected, watching Kiva. As I said when I was watching it, Jiro wants to speedrun Fuck Marry Kill with Otoya. If Jiro could fuck Otoya to death, dismember and spatter him across the walls, and then Otoya'd just pop back like a toon for Jiro to curl up around and wuffle tenderly against his neck? And they could do it all again tomorrow? Like, that would be the perfect world for Jiro. And Otoya, for his part, is so… like ok he's written with all the fun 2008 homophobia that Mister Inoue could muster but I truly feel like Otoya would/has fucked men, and he'd just say it didn't count, or like, that he's not gay because he's… receiving, or because he's topping, or because any number of reasons that would all be really dumb and contradictory. Otoya makes an excellent dog toy, I don't know, and he's a brat, and like they would be so mad at each other the whole time but like… yeah?? Otoya would love to tease Jiro until he got punished?? And then get one over on him and then they can do it all again?? Does it compel me? Yeah. I've read an AWFUL LOT OF IT, but I cannot see myself writing it.

-Chase and Gou

So, like, within the framework we have: Gou is canon bi. Gou wants to take Chase on dates. Gou has incredibly deep, complicated feelings about Chase. Gou and Chase have been like… spiritually… merged? And that (among other things) made Gou want to live for the first time in a long time. I have complicated feelings about GouChase, in the same way I have complicated feelings about Drive in general. Gou is tortured, like truly tortured, and makes horrible decisions all the time because of it. In a sense, he and Krim are on the same mission, kill all of the monsters that they made as a way of atoning for creating them. Gou obviously didn't create them himself, but he's so obsessed with his absent, abusive father that he connects himself to that guilt. (His obsession also leads him to trusting Banno, he wants approval SO BAD, it doesn't matter if his dad is a monster, the boy wants to be loved by his dad.) And I find this incredibly compelling, as a story and a character. Gou is neglected! He's abused! He's passively suicidal! He's making bad choices because NO ONE IS HELPING HIM! And it's consistent! It's good characterization! The dude is fucked up and not coming down off his hill because if he admits he was wrong Enter Chase, the one guy who is helping him. The guy who stands there and listens and prevents Gou from burning it all down and takes all of the rage Gou throws at him because he wants to be here. He wants Gou to be stable. He wants Gou to be Ok. He loves and protects him as a human being, even if Gou doesn't care about himself. I see the romance, in that. I see the appeal of 'it's rotten work, but not to me', here. And I could see my way to the idea that Gou has Uncomfortable Sexual Tension with the guy he hates, leading to romantic feelings for Chase due to his intense guilt post series. I've read some GouChase, and I've enjoyed it, but like… once they get together all the interesting parts are kinda… over for me? Their relationship is too interesting as an angst-ridden emotional exploration of a deeply traumatized individual to flatten it out into 'they live happily ever after'. AND FURTHERMORE… I just don't think Chase sees him that way. He wants to be with him? But I don't know that it's… really about that. Again, that feels like flattening out the nuances of their dynamic. And further furthermore, I actually think Chase is ace. I think all of the Roidmudes are on the ace spectrum, actually. So to sum up, I get the math it took to get here, but for me it Doesn't Make Sense, and it Does Not Compel Me. I… hope that makes sense. I apparently have a lot to say about them.

-Ankh and Eiji

I went into this in another ship meme once upon a time, so I'll be brief but basically… I get it, but it's not for me. I just don't see them as having the time or the emotional intelligence to actually be vulnerable enough to explore any kind of romantic/sexual attraction they may have had for each other. For me, that's compelling enough! Two people who care about each other in spite of their situation but never had the time to get into it? The intense tragedy of that? Of not having enough time, of always thinking you had tomorrow until all your tomorrows were gone?? That's delicious. I like that more than the idea that they were smoochin' between the scenes. So… Makes Sense, in that I see why it's so popular. Doesn't Compel Me, in that I genuinely just don't ship it.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Have you caught up to succession? Tomshiv are kinda giving everything in all of their scenes esp the recent one !!

Yes I have! Another great episode. I'm borderline offended by how much people infantilize Shiv Roy. Let her be a disastrous asshole!!!!

Shiv has so many of the traits we see with problematic~ male characters (including her brothers and father). She's cold to the touch and has a hard time expressing love, she's possessive of the partner she loves while also not wanting to be openly and fully loving, she stabs her loved ones in the back, she acts quickly without thinking her moves through, she's very smart but not as smart she thinks she is (and I think a lot of that is less an intellect thing and more an experience thing--because she was never trained the way Kendall was, which isn't her fault, she's trying to skip the line as if she's spent years learning the ropes, and as unfair as it is, that's just not how it works).

But because Shiv is a woman, I think people want to assign this victimhood thing that the show explores in terms of examining the sexism she faces, while at the same time not acknowledging that Shiv is a misogynist who peddles in misogyny. Let's be fuckin' real here--it's all the wall. Shiv has no female friends we see onscreen, no deep female relationships... Her giving token "let's keep Karolina and Gerri on board" lip service doesn't count, because she'll also silence assault survivors when it suits her and teams up with a man who... whatever his relationship with Ebba actually is, it's not appropriate and Shiv KNOWS THIS. And it's no surprise, because Shiv's main female influence (her mother) is absent and cold, and otherwise she's spent her life competing with her brothers and desperate for her father's affection.

The thing is, you can say that Tom has done bad things to Shiv and vice versa without erasing what the other party has done. Tom fucked Shiv over and has said some really cruel things to her... If not things that are, like, entirely incorrect (I mean, would Shiv be a good parent as she is right now? Let's be serious, look me in the eye and say the woman we see now should have kids lol). Tom used Shiv to climb the social and professional ladder, something I don't think Shiv was unaware of when she married him because she's an intelligent woman, he spent hours dithering over how to please Logan on his birthday in the pilot, and people have literally joked about it onscreen.

But we also watched.... how many seasons? Of Shiv straight up emotionally abusing Tom? What would everyone say if Tom cheated on Shiv and invited his lover to the wedding before copping to the affair and then suggesting an open marriage? What would they say if Shiv spent so much time freaking out over going to prison, while Tom just sorta went *shrug* and even joked about it? (Mind you, Tom was never even told by Shiv, as far as we know, that she begged Logan to choose Kendall as the "blood sacrifice" over Tom.) What if Tom was about to fuck Shiv, physically on the brink of doing so, and went "btdubs, I don't love you and you're nothing". (That scene, as much as I love it and as much as Shiv tried to play it off as being kinky... while never negotiating the supposed play lol............. would read VERY differently to a lot of people with the roles reversed, imo.)

So basically, I think Tom and Shiv are terrible people. They're also toxically in love and can give each other things neither one gets from anyone else. Shiv is a hot billionaire; she could have virtually any man she wants. She's with Tom because there is a level of transparent emotional connection I don't think she's found elsewhere, even through the pain. He gives her the validation she wanted from her father, which is why she can't quite let him go and is so distraught whenever the threat of it being taken away is real. I think Tom really does love her--but she also values the fact that he is a social climber, and she can give him a level of status, a physical commodity, that nobody else can really give him. (Or... very few can. Notice how threatened she was by him being seen with Naomi Pierce, one of the only other women who can give him all that.) I think she also sees a level of a funhouse version of what her life could've been in Tom. Her saying "Your mom loves me more than she loves you"... Well, girl. At least Tom's mom loves him on some level, lol. Shiv's mom doesn't love her, and she knows it.

And Tom of course loves all Shiv can give him, and I think Tom's natural ability to become whatever he needs to be in the moment suits him very well. He can be the catty corporate dude, Shiv's plus one, seductive???? (HE WAS WEARIN' THAT PUSSY OUT IN THIS EP???) He also does probably have a minor degradation kink. Nowhere near what Roman is dealing with, but a little treat. But I also think that when her vulnerability slips through, it's like a high to him because it's something no one else gets.

So yeah, they're everything to me and I need people to stop clutching their pearls and recognize that everyone sucks and it's great.

Also, loved what everyone else is doing. Kendall is hurtling towards oblivion. Amazing!

[cee-grice]

I want you to know that I appreciate your Asks SO MUCH, even though I'm bad at reciprocating. But I am going to move towards fixing that now!

What do you feel like are some of the major patterns you see in your work? Maybe themes or tropes that you love, or characters that wear new faces?

P.s. It's snowing where I am so I hope you are staying warm and cozy!

HI AGAIN, I, too, am trying to make my way through my inbox haha...,.. thank you for the ask!! and absolutely no worries about sending them back, I just like to give people the opportunity to talk about what they like:D

okay, so!! I don't think there's been a single story of mine (bar from my early lithuanian ones, but those don't count shh) that wasn't centered around a relationship rather than a singular character. at every story's of mine heart you'll find a fucked up pair of people lol. what can I say, I love constructing stories around a relationship dynamic, usually in some ways a bit (a lot) Problematic:D even with my current story, on the surface, the couple may seem sweet, but once u start thinking about it....oh boy

then, I can't seem to write a protagonist that doesn't have mommy issues. mothers usually play quite a Significant role in my story, regardless of anything, while fathers are weirdly absent?? in general, I really like writing women... although I gravitate towards guy protagonists, the rest of my cast is usually vastly women :v

theme-wise, I seem to gravitate towards being stuck between worlds, not knowing in which you belong. a sense of lack of a home, if you will, or losing that home and struggling to find another. that sort of stuff lol

[nixotinix]

4, 13, and 20 from the MH list thing...

ok boos im gonna start with 13/20 because i have some THOUGHTS on 4.

13: How do you feel about the live action movies?

-they're giving old disney channel movies. they arent GOOD by any means, theyre actually really really bad. but for what its worth i liked sitting through the first one just because i could point out certain things and go "that's bad". the second one was mindnumbingly boring though.-

20: Random character headcanon!

-Ahem. Frankie makes tiny dolls of their friends and sews them tiny clothes. They have all of the dolls on their desk. Draculaura has nails with red bottoms. Clawdeen teaches the boo crew about different human holidays and they all celebrate in their own little monster ways. Lagoona is CRACKED at pumpkin carving. oh and deuce is bisexual. -

4: Are there any aspects of G3 that you dislike?

-Hoo BOY this is about to get long. You can opt out now if you don't wanna read my super long winded thoughts. But if you do, keep reading.

I have 2 major grievances with G3. First is the overall sanitization of EVERYTHING. (I'm mostly talking about the cartoon here, the movies do this surprisingly well.) One of the reasons I liked G1 so much is that it actually tackled real-world problems. Bullying, racism, sexism, unhealthy family dynamics. And it had actual villains like Valentine, Nefera, Whisp, etc etc. G3 has a horrendous lack of both.

So far in the G3 cartoon, the biggest conflict we've had is Draculaura coming clean about witchcraft, which is an allegory for coming out of the closet. And that is a super important issue and coming out of the closet is a huge deal to a lot of people. But the conflict with Dracula is resolved in exactly one episode, and the only other person who isn't cool with it is Toralei. But A: Toralei doesn't count as a villain because none of her actions have genuine lasting consequences and she isn't an actual threat + she gets a mini redemption arc and B: she also comes to accept the witchcraft in that same episode.

Another aspect of this, and who I believe are the biggest offenders of the sanitization of MH G3, is the recharacterization of Nefera and Manny. Sure, seeing Nef be nice to Cleo is great. Seeing Manny as this shy nerd kid is great. But I liked the dynamic a lot better in G1. Most of Cleo's problems and character development came from her troubles with her father and sister, and both of those are absent in G3, which leads to Cleo being a very static character with no real character progression outside of her romance with Frankie. Same with Manny. The only real "bully" character is Toralei, and like I said, she got a mini-redemption. There's no Gory Fangtell, no mean girl Toralei Stripe who actively goes out of her way to sabotage the ghouls in actually meaningful ways, and there's no Manny Taur. I liked Manny being somewhat of a bully in G1 since it introduced people to that idea. Monster High is all about being unique, but there's still bad eggs in the mix. I still like G3, but I feel like it needs to incorporate more story beats from G1. The show execs could definitely do a better job at introducing these things like bad parents, bad siblings, and bullies to prep kids for the real world, because things like that and worse exist. And shielding kids from it does more harm than good in my opinion.

Now for my second issue, which is what I've dubbed the Dracudollar effect. It's no secret that Draculaura is a wildly popular character, and arguably the most recognizable from the franchise. And this isn't all Mattel's fault, but they do share partial blame. In Generation 3, outside of single doll releases, Draculaura has been in every. single. doll line. I don't think this needs to be the case. I would love to see more Cleo, or Deuce, or Lagoona. But they've all been sidelined in favor of Draculaura. And Draculaura's dolls tend to be more expensive, too. Again, not entirely Mattel's fault. But I just think it's ridiculous when she goes for 5, 10, even 50 dollars more than other dolls (in the case of VH Draculaura vs SIS frankie, not g3 but worth mentioning).

Anyways. There are my grievances with MHG3. I really like g3 overall!! but there's definitely a few things that id prefer a different way

[been-taking-muay-thai-classes]

Azul has a whole thing with food (counting calories, not eating some things cause he'll get fat, etc.) Its waaaay more noticeable in jp tho since eng twst has tried to skirt around the issue for the most part (by changing dialogue or outright erasing it). Despite this some fans can still notice the implication of Azul having an ED, which is probably why the censorship happened in the first place, because its a sensitive topic (in japan too but they tend to not see this relationship with food as bad).

Jamil mentions his family has served the Asims for generations, and in jp often uses different words to refer to himself and his family vs the staff when talking about working for Kalim and his family (like he'll call himself a mere servant but the other workers of the Asim estate are staff, which considering how japanese works, is not just a matter of synonims but a comscious choice from his part). All of this and the whole "Kalim's father would throw my whole family out if I stepped out of line" give a very strong implication that the Vipers are indentured servants and that's ehy Jamil can't be truly free yet (and also can't be Kalim's friend because their status makes it too unbalanced).

So I in part agree with the dislike for these changes because it makes the story and characters a little different in a bad way. Most people in na server hates Jamil's parents because they think they are the sole reason he has had to hold back when in reality they probably just told him to hold bsck because Jamil could be punished but since eng doesn't mention Kalim's father, this idea is absent.

Idia has a rather distant-yet-polite way to refer to others, including his juniors, which is an interesting quirk of.his but hasn't been fully translated into eng because english doesn't naturally use Mr. or Miss all that often, especially not as teens.

The whole thing with madols and thaumarks being different currencies given one has a lot more inflation. And many more such things.

There's a lot of little differences in the localization made, and while I'm not too harsh about it because Diseny Japan is less demanding and puritanical than Disney America (so the translators liely have a gonsiderable gag when working) they also have to do the complex job of translating and making japanese words and culture somewhat understandable for a mostly yanki audience. There's a lot of nuances that are simply imposible to translate but there's also some interesting things done to try to maintain the original sense of words, character personalities and general vibe.

I find it fascinating to read both versions and make comparisons but then again I used to translate works too so my professional linguistic interest may be boring to others.

Anyways theres a few really good posts on tumblr and reddit talking about these differences like Mystery Shop, Yuu Rei and Raven at the Writing Desk that you can check if you want to read more about it.

And the changes of removing servant/master within Jamil's story is also for the sake of making it less triggering for the audiences. That's why stuff like Azul's fat/weight woes were removed and the first Fairy Gala can't use the word "exotic" like it was in the original JP. It is censorship. But this is the price people paid if the annoying loud minority group get upset about a story that covers topics like these, even for a Disney game. This will continue on for future works in any anime, manga, video game, etc.

Until you said it I haven't really noticed they removed servant/master thing in terms with Jamil and Kalim (like I remember the word Master was used by people under Jamil's UM and... yes? that's really the only case they had it in?). It is at least strange for me, because c'mone it's not slavery or smth. Kalim respects Vipers, he considers Jamil his best friend. The only thing here is the social status and yes, I agree that the topic is important and it's really sad they removed it.

Also I didn't read Fairy Gala in eng ver, so can't say anything about it (but now I guess I should go take a look at it somewhere). And as for Azul, I clearly remember the word "chubby" was used in one of fantranslations. Eng ver used "round" if I remember correctly. Not a big deal for me but I understand why the topic was avoided. And that is strange for me either, cause it was never meant as some bad thing, it's just Azul not wishing to be like that anymore after he was bullied his entire childhood. And that's was actually a point of his story, like "bulling is a bad thing, don't do that".

Anyway, I agree it's upsetting topics like these are being avoided, covered or completely removed in the name of censorship.

[tuesday-teyz]

Hi I just saw this comment on tiktok and I want to clear up some things.

I know that passerine and BR might seem to have a lot of things in common, but just as the second commenter had said, it's mostly because they align in some tropes. The funny thing is that those tropes I had not taken from passerine.

- BR is a royalty AU because I always wanted to write about royalty in semi-medieval setting. My first ever fic published for dsmp (now deleted), which was written months before passerine, had been about crown Prince Tommy and King Wilbur. I didn't feel like my writing skills were enough for a good fic back then so I postponed it for a year until I got inspired by Remarried Empress and decided to write an AU based on it.

- Absent father. C!Phil is not a good dad and I don't think it's uncommon for people to portray his AU versions similarly. One Hundred Miles is an immediate example I can think of, and that work is a Modern AU centered around bedrock bros.

- Dead Mumza. This comes pair-in-pair with the child neglect trope. I don't think any of us can imagine Kristin's character being a neglectful parent, so the logical thing to do is to get rid of her, and brushing off character death is a sign of bad writing and a wasted opportunity, so it's only natural that I made it significant to the story.

Overall, I'm not upset or mad at the top commenter for having an opinion of all things, but by their logic, passerine and evermore are the same thing too.

I love those fics very much but overall it doesn't feel very nice when my months worth of work, research and 100k+ words written are brushed off as a mere copy, especially when I have like thrice as much characters, and the end world count is sure to exceed passerine and evermore joined together

[rayofsunas]

father?

a/n: ahh this was so cute to write despite it being kinda :(( i love writing scaramouche and mei, it's the cure to everything :) have a lovely rest of your day! <3

summary: the boys are often busy, leaving zero time to spend with their family. they don't realize how bad it's gotten until their own children don't even recognize them.

characters: albedo, diluc ragnvindr, scaramouche.

warnings: fluff, fem pronouns used for reader in every scenario, reader in charge hell yeah.

word count: 1.4k

Albedo

albedo expected this to happen, if it hadn't, he'd actually be a bit worried. he's read many books about children, babies, and their behavior while you were pregnant to educate himself, so he knew his son would forget his face if he was away for too long. and that's just what happened. but that didn't mean he wasn't any less hurt just because he expected it.

"Come on, sweetheart! It's your father." You tried to urge the baby boy in your grasp forward, in hopes he'd climb into Albedo's waiting arms. He didn't.

"I had a feeling this would happen..." Albedo muttered, hand lifting to prop his chin up. Your eyes enlarged at his statement, shocked he didn't seem too bothered. You know for sure you yourself would be pretty heartbroken if your son didn't recognize you...

"You're not upset?" You wondered, eyeing him carefully.

The famed alchemist shrugged behind a blank face. "Sure, it saddens me that my own child doesn't recognize me. But, I am not shocked."

You stared at him oddly, before whispering, "Oh."

Nonetheless, despite the young father's disappointment and a tiny ounce of sadness, he outstretched his arms, wishing to hold his son. The poor confused boy only stared at him as if he were a complete stranger, wanting nothing to do with him at this moment.

"May I hold him?"

Of course, he could hold him, you snapped in your head. You wouldn't dare keep him from Albedo any longer.

"You never have to ask..." You stated handing over your small bundle of joy. "He'll get over it, don't worry." You reassured for the tenth or so time since your lover had arrived home, but he didn't seem to pay any mind to your kind words, clearly entranced with your small creation. God's gift he had called him.

The two stared at one another for a long while, before Albedo broke out in a soft grin, making a silly face at the child. All Albedo wanted was to make him understand that he wasn't a stranger, but his father.

"Do not worry, I would never wish to scare or harm you, little bug."

Eventually, your son overcomes his little fear of this called stranger. With a lot of tummy time, and overall just spending much-needed father-son time together, things are back to normal again.

Diluc

diluc wasn't expecting this at all. he was more than aware of how absent he was. but he didn't expect both of his children to run away at the sight of him. was he really that scary? he was extremely hurt to see this.

"Don't take this to heart, dear." You reassured Diluc, who was standing in the doorway after having come home from a long mission. The redhead seemed tired but nonetheless was excited to see his babies. That is until they crawled off, into the shocked arms of the two maids by the door, protesting he was some strange man entering their home.

"They don't recognize your face, but it's okay. Young children forget things easily." You explained, hoping he'd get that defeated look off of his porcelain face. He still looked... shattered.

Diluc's eyes didn't stay encaptured by your stare for long, eventually staggering off to his two children. He adored them so much, he would do anything to keep them safe, so they would never have to face the things he had as a young man. But now they were scared of him...

"Mother, get away from that strange man!" Exclaimed the eldest twin, to which you simply frowned at. "We promised father we would keep you safe!" Snapped the other ironically; the man they promised to keep you safe was standing right in front of them, they were a spitting image of him, with their wild fiery red hair and eyes to match.

"Don't worry, love, it'll come to them soon."

"How soon is 'soon'?" He muttered sadly to which you pouted at, taking his hand in yours to rub soothing circles on the smooth pale skin.

"How could they forget you? You're their only father of course, and they couldn't stop asking about you the entire time you were gone!"

Scaramouche

scaramouche knew how absent he was, it was very evident. he's gone for weeks, more like months at a time. though, it never crossed his mind that the young baby would forget his face. it may have shattered his pride just a bit. how could she forget such a being as himself?

"How could she forget me? I'm her father." Scaramouche speculated angrily, shooting accusatory looks at both you and the two fatui soldiers who were once again given orders to retrieve him for yet another long mission. You weren't sure why he had shot daggers in their direction, as they had done nothing wrong but relay their orders, but nonetheless, he had without thinking twice.

Of course, he would run off once again, leaving you and your daughter alone in your large estate. Scaramouche probably wouldn't be back for a while, maybe this time even longer than the one month previously... you knew you should've taken the few hours he'd been home to spend family time together, why you didn't think of this was beyond you entirely.

"You're gone pretty often," You exclaimed knowing this wasn't news to him, having been the majority of your marital problems if any. Nonetheless, you watched as your husband glared at the ground below his sandaled feet, slender fingers finding purchase under his chin. "Plus, she's one. Her memory isn't as strong yet."

He hummed in thought, but you knew the only thoughts in his head were of rage and confusion. He couldn't help but feel disrespected, and it was no one's fault but his own... and the Tsaritsa... you wouldn't ever admit that though.

"If you were around more often, she would recognize you..."

Though your bothersome expressions due to his accusatory tone were none of his concern at this moment. The Harbinger was more bothered by the fact his daughter, his little sweet princess Mei, hadn't recognized him hours ago upon his initial return.

Surely, you hadn't coached her right? You didn't despise him that much like everyone else, now did you?

"I don't have the time for such-"

"Make time!" You snapped, eyes burning with a fiery rage he was more than used to, especially when it came to Mei.

His tongue clicked in annoyance at your tone of voice, eyes meeting yours once more. Seeing you angry both intrigued and bothered him, he wouldn't and couldn't say otherwise. But alas, her highness has called for him, and he had important matters to attend to.

"I'm leaving." With that, the short man turned on his heel, headed for the small red wooden bridge to get him out of the garden and to the gates being guarded by soldiers.

"Balladeer! Say goodbye to Mei, now."

The strict man halted, eyebrows creasing in annoyance once more as his whole body tensed up. No matter how many times he heard you call him Balladeer during fits of rage, he'd never get used to it. He despised it so much. He's told you a million times over the years to not call him Balladeer. It feels... less familial.

Despite someone throwing demands at him, he shut his mouth, and without hesitation turned on his feet and began heading towards the bamboo Engawa to step up into the house.

"She's sleeping on her futon." You called after him, sending a cheeky grin to the two soldiers who looked incredibly stiff and overcome with worry.

He wasn't gone longer than a minute or so, and you could see him stepping off the Engawa soon enough, sending you another glare before moving to get back on task again; the two fatui soldiers followed closely after him, huddled in a way...

"Done?" You asked, enjoying taunting the man a bit too much. He didn't verbally respond, but the look on his handsome face was very telling. You winked in his direction, while he just waved his hand nonchalantly, wishing you goodbye.

"Bye-bye, dear!"

8.9.21, rayofsunas

[4aloysius-porteu]

i am your ally || tsukishima kei.

pairing; tsukishima kei x f! reader

genre: oneshot, drama, flangst, a little comedy

word count: 5.6k

details: 3rd year Tsukishima, artist reader

warnings: reader going missing, verbal abuse, crushing of dreams, lots of sadness, heavy parental argument, everything that happens here hits home

synopsis: tsukishima didnt know what is the right thing to say after he heard of (y/n)’s situation, but the words that stumbled out from his mouth were a surprise, yet it blossomed to a meaningful talk that happens once in a blue moon.

(a/n): wrote in the middle of my depressing days to find a little comfort from this character that I love with all my heart. inspired by true situations irl; if you, my friend, is feeling down today, i hope reading this work of mine can help. i might make this into a full story if this got enough attention tho.

(Y/N) was nowhere to be found. 

It wasn't Tsukishima's habit to eavesdrop on other people's conversation, but he couldn't help but listen when he heard her name from her classmates. She was a consistent top student that will never neglect her studies, so it was unusual to know that she was absent today. He thought that maybe she got sick or she decided to go crazy and skip school. If it was the latter, he hoped that she knows what she's doing, because midterms are coming in 3 days, and he's not going to listen to her whines and begs to help her study for the tests.

And now he just happened to overhear that she was missing. 

He saw her parents walk out of the campus after talking to the vice-principal and to the teachers. Gossip filled the corridors and rooms. Tsukishima went back to his room, clearly annoyed with the unnecessary noise.

He listened to the lectures of each subject and continued to write down important points, but the thought of (Y/N) lingered in his head. What could've happened that led to her disappearance? Was she kidnapped? No, he just walked her home last night and she'll never leave her place past midnight. Kidnappers won't dare to make a move in daylight because of the town's high authority visibility. There's no way she'll be lost in an area she's very familiar with. 

She ran away from home. That is the only logical possibility he could come up with, but he couldn't think of an idea as to why. (Y/N), who loves to be cooped up in her room with music blaring in her earphones while drawing, left her home without a trace. Tsukishima was a little worried, but he won't let his face show whatever the hell he's feeling. 

His plays and blocks aren't exactly bad, but Yamaguchi could sense that Tsukishima was thinking of something other than the volleyball practice. He approached his friend who was resting on the floor, his long arms covering his curled up legs. 

"Tsukki, what's with that expression? Did you get a failing score in a quiz?" Yamaguchi started, in an attempt to lighten up the atmosphere. 

The blonde's eyes darted to him, "Like hell, I'm going to let that happen. What do you want?"

He shrugged, "Nothing, I just noticed that you were a little quieter and more passive today. Normally, you would've chewed the first years out with their simple blocking errors, but you didn't say a thing. You're scarier in their eyes when you're silent."

"I was tired. I'll only waste my voice pointing out something I did a million times." A sigh escaped his lips 

"Right..." Yamaguchi paused, "So, I assume you have heard?"

"Heard of what?"

"That (Y/N) is missing."

"Oh," A frown fell on his features. It wasn't his usual frown. People who really know him would notice that his eyes are full of worry. 

He sat beside Tsukishima before he spoke again. "I know you have ideas on places (Y/N) could've gone to."

"I do not know what you're talking about."

The latter chuckled, "Oh, humor me, Tsukki. If you're that worried, I can excuse you for today's practice. No problem."

"Does that mean that you aren't concerned?"

"I am concerned. I want to look for her as well, but I have to whip the other players into shape. I'm sorry if I couldn't accompany you right away."

Tsukishima stood up and sighed again, "You will excuse me, you said?"

"Yeah."

There were silence and the background noise of balls and shoes colliding on the floor. He wiped the sweat off his face before replying, "I'll be leaving the gym in a few minutes."

He changed his clothes and packed his things up, causing the team to exchange glances.

"Tsukki!" Yamaguchi called, throwing his friend's large jacket to him, which the other caught. "Take care! I hope you find (Y/N) and get her home safe."

"I wish. Then, I'll leave it to you, Captain."

The green-haired middle blocker's eyes teared up and sparkled as he beamed a smile back, "I got it!"

Tsukishima started to look for (Y/N) at the places she liked to go to; the art store, the Central Park, the kid's playground, the museum, and the prefectural library. But there was no sign of her anywhere. He looked at the nearby places to no avail. He walked on while dialing her number, but her phone is out of coverage area. He spent 3 more hours finding the girl and soon received a message from Yamaguchi, telling him that (Y/N) hasn't been found yet and that he joined the authorities to help them find her. 

He walked back to the direction of his home, panting softly. He had failed to find (Y/N), yet his brain won't stop thinking about her possible whereabouts. The cool breeze of winter hit Tsukishima's face and shivered at the contact. He had hoped again that she is inside of an establishment, safe from such cold weather.

Tsukishima's home has its lights out. Her mother was invited into her colleagues' reunion as said in her text, and both his father and brother are busy at work. He reached for his key in his pocket and was opening the door, not until he heard a loud sob from somewhere. Tsukishima looked around the place as the sobbing continued. He searched for the source and ended up in their backyard. He caught the sight of a small figure behind the bushes and went closer to confirm.

It was a cat. It had scurried away once he got close to it. Oh, how stupid he is to get his hopes up only to find a scared animal. But he was certain he heard a sob somewhere near. And cats aren't capable of making a sound like that. Or maybe he was only hearing things?

He dragged his feet to the main door to unlock it, but this time, there was a loud noise of scrubbing on the roof. What is it this time? He moved back and looked upon where it came from. 

To his surprise, it wasn't another cat but a person. Their legs were curled up, arms covered around them, with their chin on their knees. Tsukishima turned on his phone's flashlight and there she was. 

It was (Y/N). Her shoulders shook, either from the cold or trying her best not to cry out loud. 

"H-Help me."

He stared at the girl, confused and fighting back laughter because of how scared (Y/N) looked. "How the heck did you get in there?"

"I climbed that tree and jumped off to break in and hide in your room. Turned out that the windows are locked. I don't know how to jump back and I-I was too high from the ground. You know I'm scared of heights! Why did you lock the window?! Stupid!"

"Of course, I would lock the window for the security. And wow, aren't you the stupid one for knowing how to climb and jump up to my window and not knowing how to get down? Why did you climb if you are scared of heights? Such an idiot."

"Fine, fine. I am an idiot. Now, can you help me get off this roof?"

He crossed his arms and smirked, "No."

"Ugh! Please, Kei. I've been trapped here for hours. I am begging you to help me get down. Please?"

He sighed in defeat and raised his arms. "Here. Jump."

For seconds, (Y/N) didn't respond as she was having second thoughts about jumping.

"What? Do you expect me to get a ladder? I'm sorry, but it's in the basement, broken." He said in a mocking tone. "Don't you want to come down?"

"Can you catch me properly? Are your arms stable? Won't you fall on your ass?" (Y/N) interrogated.

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, "Alright, stay there and freeze to death."

"No, wait! I was just asking! Come back! Don't leave meeee!"

The blonde looked up to her and raised his arms again, "Don't think. Trust me, I will catch you properly and you won't crash to the ground. You weigh like nothing anyway."

"Are you talking about yourself?" She retorted, pertaining to his weight.

"Can you please just jump?"

(Y/N) inhaled and went to the edge of the roof. It was a scary view for her, just looking down makes her dizzy, and want to throw up.  She thought he would have the largest frown on his face because of how irritatingly slow she was, but there was Tsukishima waiting for her with the calmest expression. She smiled a little.

"Here I go..."

She took off, closing her eyes, and swallowing her fears. The gravity pulled her feet down shortly after, and Tsukishima readied himself for the impact as he reached her waist. He held on to her lower torso while (Y/N) placed her arms around his shoulders tightly and legs on his waist. The athlete's balance slightly went off, so he took a step back to support both their weights. It was now steady. 

"I'm surprised you didn't lose your balance. Where's the weak boned beanpole 3 years ago?"

"I did for a second."

"Doesn't matter. You caught me. Thank you."

They had stayed in that way for a moment until Tsukishima spoke, "Do you plan to get off?"

"No. I'm tired."

"I am too." Yet she refused to let go.

He exhaled, carrying (Y/N) to the main entrance and finally unlocking the door. Her hoodie was cold and some parts are wet, but it didn't rain on that day. He took her in and placed her on the couch. Tsukishima went to his room, changed clothes, and brought a spare sweatshirt, handkerchief, and a towel. He went down but didn't find (Y/N) where he left her, so he walked to the kitchen counter and found the girl on the corner, shivering like a pup.

He tossed the clothing at her without further words. There was a note from her mom beside the curry in the table, saying she had eaten and she left rolls in the refrigerator. He was about to turn on the stove to reheat the food his mother left, but his eyes landed on (Y/N) who sat quietly, hugging the sweatshirt instead of wearing it. Her hair was disheveled, the sleeves and neck part of her hoodie was damp, her nose was red and her puffy, bloodshot eyes implied that she has been crying for who knows how long. He set the pan down to get her a glass of water. 

"Everyone was looking for you." Said Tsukishima.

"No one was really looking for me." (Y/N) replied, clearing her nose. 

"I didn't spend the last 3 hours tiring myself to scan the whole town for no reason." He sat beside her, handing the glass. "Care to spill the tea?"

(Y/N) drank first before speaking weakly, "I hate them. So much."

The male remained quiet, waiting for her to continue her dilemma.

"Remember when I told you and the class that I will be the most successful doctor in Japan after I finished my studies? It was a lie. It wasn't my dream to stay in a hospital and treat ill people, I only wanted to draw and paint. I didn't care if it never made them or anyone happy, I am happy doing it. And they are taking it away from me."

He knew from the start that her dream job as a doctor wasn't true. For years she stayed close to him as a friend or more, she won't blabber anything of the medical topic. She was terrified of syringes. He saw her reading an article about surgeries and like, but her focus was easily taken away.

She will get a pencil then start scribbling and drawing. Something that Tsukishima always sees her doing whenever she has a pen and paper, but she insists that it was a mere hobby. Her notebooks are well designed and organized, but the back is always full of artistic doodles instead of algebra solutions. She only has very few art materials yet she can make a portrait with only her fingers to shade. She makes digital art without a stylus. She would drag him to the museum after class to view some western and eastern paintings or any work of art while he admires the dinosaur fossils. For times she's watching an art tutorial and talk about art, draw and paint, she has those stupid sparkles in her eyes and a huge smile on her face. 

"You know Tsukishima, after I finish studying and became a doctor, I'll become an artist and if the time let's it, I'll open my own art gallery. That's my ultimate dream." She looked alive and delighted.

Very much the opposite of what she looks like right now. 

Even though she was a slave of art, as Tsukishima was a slave of his own interests, (Y/N) prioritized her studies so much. He understood why when he went to her house and met her parents before their study sessions. He had noticed everything but chose to stay quiet. 

"I-I was drawing last night. Dad entered my room but I didn't notice so he ripped the music away from my ears and yelled. He said that I would always lock myself in my room and draw every night. It was never-ending and irritates the shit out of him. He asked why would I do something so useless that isn't even connected to any academic subject. He was looking down on my art like he was looking at a piece of crap. He told me to stop and threatened me if I didn't. Why would I get punished for drawing? I couldn't get myself to stay silent so I retorted. If he doesn't want to see me drawing, then he shouldn't enter my room at all. He should stop meddling with my hobbies. His anger only went up."

(Y/N) stopped for a while to wipe her tears and snot with her sleeves but Tsukishima placed a handkerchief on her hands. She muttered her thanks and blew her nose and soon followed with a sneeze.

"Soon, it became a full-blown argument. He said that he was checking out if I was doing my projects, but oh he was so disappointed only to find his daughter drawing for nothing. What the heck? I gave them the best grades I could get, and part of it was because of you, Tsukishima, but they still aren't satisfied? I balanced drawing and academics, but they made it seem that all I was doing was my hobby, completely ignoring my efforts at school. I finished the school activities and I reviewed for midterms and all I want is to be left alone and draw. What, they want me to go crazy by studying every hour with things I won't even apply in real life?"

Her fake laughter echoed in the kitchen for seconds before her depressed tone took over again.

"Mom heard all the shouting and joined the argument. Of course, she sided with dad without listening to my feelings and there they ridiculed their youngest child's interests and talent. They told me that everything I do is bullshit and wrong, that I was useless, that I was the huge opposite of their expectations, and... and how come God gave them a joke. She said they raised me so that I could help them, not to do such useless things. It hurts to shout back but I did to explain why I'm so passionate about art in hopes that they will listen and understand but, I was so wrong. I was suddenly slapped..." She placed her hand to her left cheek, her lips quivered a little. 

"I-It stung so much. Mom complained about how the Internet generation is so rebellious and won't listen to the elders. They didn't raise and teach me to talk back at them, but here is their child being a bitch. They started comparing me to my elder siblings or relatives who focused on their studies and who are at the door of success. I know they only want me to achieve the best, but my success isn't up to them! It's on me!! And I've invested a lot for that! They shouted at me as mom pulled my hair. It was so loud I thought I was going deaf. Dad blamed the gadget's influence and my drawings. I have only drawn decent fanarts of fictional characters, people, and sceneries, but they believed that because of these, I turned into a mannerless bastard. So mom decided to get my phone and lessen my allowance so that I wouldn't buy any art materials that are a waste of fortune--"

She bit her lower lip that is trembling uncontrollably and her eyesight blurred as her fat tears got in the way.

"and... D-Dad... he... he... he tore m-my sketch pad apart..."

Tsukishima's eyes widened. (Y/N) brought that thing with her almost everywhere she went and it was filled with good drawings and art plans. She has a lot of them though, but Tsukishima could only imagine how she felt when her efforts were trampled over by someone important to her. 

(Y/N) broke down, bawled her eyes out, and shrieked hysterically. He looked at her with a heavy heart. He had seen her crying sometimes, be it because of a sad movie or empathy, but never like this. A depressed, emotional wreck. Her eyes were sore enough after a lot of hours, but she won't stop crying. It was heartbreaking to see and hear his significant other in this state, yet Tsukishima didn't know what is the right thing to say. 

But maybe there was no need to say anything at all.

Kei wrapped his arms around her weeping figure and pulled her towards him. Cry it out, pipsqueak. (Y/N) didn't expect this action, nonetheless cried in his shoulder He didn't care anymore if this meant he gets his clothes drenched in her snot and tears as long as she felt a little less lonely. He rubbed her back and hair in an attempt to comfort his lover. (Y/N)'s airways hurt, but she screamed the pain out, in hopes that the pain in her heart would vanish. Her weeping went on for long minutes until she choked in her own sobs that Tsukishima had to get her another glass of water.

"Tell me, Kei." She began, wiping her eyes, "Is there... something wrong with me? Is my dream really that insignificant?"

"There's nothing wrong with you. You followed your ideals. Anyone including me would've done the same." He answered beside her.

"I-It's realistic, right?"

"It is."

"Then... why did it turn out like this?" Her voice was cracking.

Tsukishima looked down, "The society is just very cruel."

"Yeah. It sure is. Such a cruel society to live with." 

(Y/N) let out a dejected sigh and leaned on Tsukki's shoulder. "I couldn't look at them without such overwhelming fear and hate anymore. I wonder if... they knew that I was doing this for them. I'd like to make them smile with something I've made myself. Once, I made each of them a portrait. A realistic one made from a pencil. I couldn't afford a material set that can be used to paint realistically, but I tried my best to impress them with a charcoal one. Oh, if only you saw their faces when I gave them the portraits. They returned a half-hearted smile. It wasn't the same kind of joy I see whenever I give them perfect scores on tests. I didn't spend 3 sleepless nights just to see their half happy, half unpleased reaction. I wish they could feel more proud of their daughter who worked hard for them... I wonder if they threw it away as he did on my sketch pad..." 

They let silence engulf the atmosphere for a while. (Y/N) had calmed down a little, despite shedding smaller tears from the side of her eyes. Tsukishima held the sweatshirt he gave her earlier to make her wear it on the top of her hoodie to lessen her shivering. He stared at her, while the other gazed down on the floor with dead eyes.

Tsukishima asked, "So, what are you going to do now?"

"What am I going to do now huh..." (Y/N) repeated. "I'll probably... put everything to an end."

"You know I won't let you."

"I'm not talking about my life, silly. I might stop drawing and all. I've lost it."

"Isn't your life and drawing one and the same? And I'm pretty sure you have that immense talent to continue."

"No... Besides, talent isn't a talent if it doesn't make anyone happy."

The blonde mentally scoffed. She just said that it makes her happy in the beginning.

"Oh? Fine, stop doing that one thing you put everything into. What would that girl you received a commission from would feel if she were to hear you though?"

(Y/N) was stunned. She had completely forgotten about the whole commission thing she opened in her social media accounts. Tsukishima accompanied (Y/N) on giving the commissioned charcoal portrait to a girl last 3 weeks ago. It was (Y/N)'s first commission for years she's making art. Someone liked her work for the first time and paid for it, and her client looks very contented and glad. The words she said filled her thoughts with inspiration.

"Wow, this is awesome! I'm so happy!! Thank you for making this, it was exactly what I've pictured on my mind! You're amazing! All the excitement I've bottled up for this day is so worth it," The girl, probably a little older than them paused and admired the painting she received from (Y/N).

"Would you ignore those words she said?"

 'Please don't stop drawing, I'll be looking forward to your future works!' 

A pang of guilt hit her chest. She wants to pursue art, but there are these shackles and chains on her limbs and around her neck that made it hard for her to move forward. She couldn't breathe. What happened yesterday night was too much. Her parents went overboard. 

"B-But—"

A monotone voice interrupted her, "Don't. Never stop striving for something you have been building for years. You might be defeated now, but surely, you will win some time. There's no way you'll stay in the lowest level of the ladder after I saw how hard you worked. You will go to nationals again, and I will continue to support you. I'll cheer for you and stay by your side! So please, do not stop! Let me see those beautiful blocks that you execute in the game once more! And I will watch you reach the top! Doesn't matter how many times, I'll never get weary of watching you do amazing things!"

She was silenced by that statement. She had definitely heard those before, but couldn't quite remember where. 

"Does the sentiment seem familiar to you? Those are the same words that came from your mouth when I was planning to quit volleyball after our huge loss to Date Tech last year. I am returning them back to you."

"Huh?" She replied with a meek voice.

"That time, you really did a good job meddling with my decisions. It annoyed me first, but what you had stated held a weight that I couldn't disregard. You gave me the small push I didn't know I needed. In the end, I'd like to pay you back." Tsukishima stated with a far away look in his eyes.

(Y/N) listened with watery eyes. This Tsukishima's side isn't definitely the one she gets to see every day so she couldn't feel anything but the warm, fuzzy feeling that is healing her heart. 

"It's probably selfish for me to say this but, don't you dare give up. I didn't stop. No matter how long and hard the game is, no matter how tired and discouraged I get, and no matter how many pessimistic thoughts clouded my head, I didn't stop chasing after a falling ball and thinking of another tactic to counter the enemy. I kept your words with me in court. It was you who told me not to in the first place, and I'm not going to forgive you if you ever dropped everything. I won't let the stupid, starry-eyed (Y/N) die today."

The girl beside her started sobbing. "But you told me once that my drawing are ugly."

"Oh. That. I... kind of remember that. I'm not sorry about what I said because I did it to provoke and rile you up. It was a lie though. As someone who always sees you drawing, I can't call your work ugly at all. Your art is... astounding. You make it look like it's so easy to do. I think you forgot next sentence after I told you that."

"What was the sentence after?"

Tsukishima sighed, "I told you to keep doing it, right?"

The sound of (Y/N) crying engulfed the kitchen, "Oh gosh, why did I forget that... I'm sorry, I'm so idiotic..."

The blonde brought her back to his arms, "Will you stop crying, you've been too hard on yourself today,"

(Y/N) hid her face on his chest, muffling her speech, "c-couldn't help it... my mind is such a mess... I do not know..." She paused, coughing. "It's no use if m-my parents don't acknowledge me..."

"Hundreds, or perhaps thousands of people who follow you on social media account recognize you. People in school recognizes you. I recognize you. I am your ally. Isn't that enough reason for you to get back on your feet? I will support you just like how you supported me. You have a lot of people who admire you, but I only have a few people and you. Yet your words are enough. I'm certain that soon, you will reach your parents' standards and get them to acknowledge you. It's not impossible."

(Y/N) fixed her tear-stained face before looking up to him, "You know what? Who are you? Is a good spirit possessing your body? The Kei I know will either stay quiet or laugh at me for being pathetic."

"I was trying to be nice for once and this is what I get?" He frowned.

(Y/N) chuckled and hugged Tsukishima, "I'm sorry. Everything you said meant the world to me. Thank you very much."

She relaxed against his lean body, "I have a question though..."

"What?"

"You literally had no business in my art, it was my own problem. Why are you doing this?"

"Why don't you ask yourself after you argued with me that night? Why did you have to butt in with my choices?"

"Because you like volleyball! You might look like that someone stole your dinosaur collection when you're at practice, but you're good at it and have a future in it! It is a part of you, and you're deciding to throw it away? Your potential is too big to be wasted and I refuse to let that happen." Her voice is a little louder now, but hoarse.

"There's your answer, little gremlin."

"How is that— Oh."

"But I'd like to add something."

"What is it?"

"You look better doing what you really like. It makes you look less like a hag."

It was silent after that. (Y/N) punched his arm. Tsukishima didn't even wince but asked, "What was that for?"

"The last statement was unnecessary, and the first one is sweet yet cringey." She criticized. 

"C'mon, I'm just a teenager. Aren't you the cringey one most of the times?"

She used the handkerchief to sniffle her runny nose away, "Why do you have a knack of returning everything I said to me?"

"I won't do it if it's not appropriate." Tsukishima placed his hands on her back and to her hair, "So, what are you going to do now, (Y/N)?"

"I'll think things through. My brain is still slightly messy, but I'll be fine, thanks to you. But Kei..."

He hummed as a response. "I don't want to go home. I want to run away."

"Not possible. You can't survive on your own. You're almost 18 and until now, you don't understand how a washing machine works with all your perfect scores in exams."

"This is just a thought. I didn't say I'll be alone. I'm taking you with me."

"I refuse."

"Why?"

"Couldn't you wait for more months until we graduate?"

(Y/N)'s eyebrows raised, "So basically, you're agreeing, but not this time?"

"No, but you'll be free of your parents' suffocating control. Who knows how huge is your potential by that time."

"How considerate of you." The girl smiled.

"Only this time. And no, we won't live in the same place in college. Not yet. Not until we finish our studies, have secured jobs, and get important things done." 

"Will you be playing volleyball at college?"

He lazily replied, "Probably."

"Don't give me such an ambiguous answer!"

"Probably yes." 

"Hmm. Fine by me. I'll continue to draw, then." (Y/N) rested her head near Tsukishima's neck. 

He smiled a little at her answer, "Another thing though. I don't think... you should leave things with your parents like that. There'll be a time where you have to face it."

"Yes, that sucks... I don't want to think about it but I'll have to go back eventually... When that confrontation happens, I'll try to calmly talk it out with them. I will never be certain if it will end well. But my hate and fear of them won't change."

"You can always run back here if it didn't end well."

"Kei, don't want to see their faces just yet. Can I stay here for a while?"

"You even bother to ask. You are welcome anytime in this household. Just enter the house in the front door, not in my window."

"Right... thank you."

"Oh, now it's my turn to ask. How did you get in there?"

(Y/N) sighed, "It was on 4:30pm. I was on the loose and I looked for a store where anyone can't recognize me so I can eat for lunch. But there's this creep who kept on following me—"

"Did he hurt you?" He abruptly questioned.

"No. I ran as fast as I could before he could even get close to me, but in the next block, there were the town authorities with my mom, and I knew they were looking for me, so I blended into the people with my hoodie on and made my way. I climbed the tree in panic that they'll find me and hid there. It took me hours to notice that your house is just next to it, so I decided to climb to your window. However, the window was locked, and I was stuck."

Tsukishima sighed in relief. "It was a miracle that a klutz like you didn't fell off the tree and surprisingly, no one found you."

"I was high in adrenaline when I climbed the tree. My blending and hiding skills are in ninja-tier now, I beat you."

"Whatever. What did you have for breakfast?"

"...a melon bread."

"Just that?"

"Just that." 

Tsukishima kissed her forehead before lifting her up with him. "Go change. Borrow any of my clothes. I'll reheat the food."

(Y/N) kissed his cheek, slowly got off him and went upstairs. Tsukishima opened his phone to text Yamaguchi about her situation and proceeded to reheat the spicy curry. 

"Wait, Kei! Is it okay for me to eat?" She shouted from upstairs.

"What kind of question is that? Of course you can." He shouted back.

"Your mom left that for you, for your dad and for your brother. I'd feel bad."

"My brother and dad will come home late and I'm sure they've eaten already. So is mom."

"Are you sure? I can replace the food." She said while going down the stairs.

"Oh, you can cook? I'm afraid you'll burn the whole kitchen." He mocked.

"At least not the whole house." (Y/N) laughed, "Just kidding, I have a tiny knowledge in cooking."

"You don't have to, I told you they already ate. I'll bring out the sushi mom made if you still want to eat."

"Alright. Thank you for the food."

Few hours later, Tsukishima's mom came home and took off her shoes. "I'm home."

As she was about to enter the living room, Akiteru greeted her and placed his finger in front of his lips, indicating her to keep quiet. She wondered what was going on and saw her youngest son and his girlfriend leaning on his shoulder, asleep on the couch in front of the TV. He signaled her to read the note Kei left on the table. 

To mom, dad, and brother,

Earlier in the morning, (Y/N) went missing and her parents and town authorities were looking for her. I found her on the way home, but it turns out that she ran away from her home because of an intense argument between her parents, and doesn't want to be found yet. Please let her stay here for a while. I'll do most of the household chores or any favor you ask me in return. 

Mom, I shared the curry and sushi rolls with her. I left for some for dad and brother. (Y/N) said it was very delicious. 

Love, 

Kei.

She smiled after reading the note and looked at the sleeping kids. She took notice of (Y/N)'s eyes and quickly understood the situation. Before she left to rest in her room, she looked for a spare blanket and laid it atop them to keep them warm. 

(Y/N) snuggled further to Tsukishima's arms, satisfied on how this night will end well, unlike yesterday's.

©4aloysius.porteu.2021. please do not repost, copy, or edit. plagiarism is punishable by law.

[mlchaelwheeler]

I made a mistake of looking at a particular leaker's curiouscat account (who I feel like lowkey isn’t a huge fan of Will) and read a couple of asks and I quickly was like no I can’t do this anymore hahaha.  One of the asks was: ‘I’m so confused by this narrative that Will Byers is the most traumatized of the entire show, everyone saying he HAS to be vecna’d because “no one has gone through more than him”—ummm what!? 🥴

I’m sorry, I like Will, but he has not been through more than anyone else, they have ALL been through trauma, and yes what he went through was horrific, but NO ONE in this show has seen as much trauma, seen as much death and carnage, or lost as much as mike, el, and Nancy, Will isn’t special just because he was the first one in the UD and his trauma is not more important than everyone else’s’ 

Like okay so they say that it’s unfair to say he’s gone through more trauma but then says that Mike, Nancy and El have gone through more and lost more lol. Firstly his trauma isn’t to do with him being the first one in the UD, he was literally possessed in the second season which led to lots of blood and carnage. And sorry, I love Nancy and Mike but what Will went through in season 1 would’ve been absolute hell - he was a twelve year old boy alone and cold and scared for a week, to say that Nancy and Mike have been through more seems unfair. And to say that no one has lost as much as them… like I’m sorry, that’s unfair especially regarding Mike bc even though I love him there really isn’t any evidence to prove that he has lost more than Will or characters like Hopper. And the leakers response didn't exactly disagree with them and idk that annoyed me you don't need to be a huge fan of will to know that he is very traumatised and more so traumatised than some of the other characters.

I think I know which leaker you're talking about 😵‍💫 imo, she's not trustworthy at all and has been proven to be full of lies. But you're right, that person's ask contradicts itself. First they say that Will is the most traumatized, but that doesn't mean that he has to get vecna'd. That's fair--I don't think it's 100% certain Will will be vecna'd, thought I do think it's highly likely based on the narrative so far. But then secondly they say that Mike, Nancy, and El are more traumatized than Will?? Hmm.

I think that while trauma affects every person differently, we can't just count up the amount of times a character has been through it in the show to conclude who's the most traumatized. However, if we follow the show's narrative, Will and El have been through the most. Firstly with Will, he's been: kidnapped by an interdimensional being, trapped in a hell dimension for a week, nearly killed by said dimension, possessed by the mindflayer, forced to trick the lab "soldiers" into their death, raised by an abusive father, bullied his whole life, and ignored by the most important people in his life for the better part of a year. El's trauma is just as bad though. She was: stolen at birth, raised by an abusive parental figure her entire life in a laboratory, constantly experimented on, abused, forced to kill people to survive, trapped in the upside down and had to live in the woods for months alone, ripped away from her father figure when he died/disappeared, forced to move away from the only friends she'd ever had, and unable to hear her boyfriend tell her that he loves her, even when she's sobbing and begging him to say it.

To say Mike and Nancy have had it worse than both Will and El is a complete lie. They were raised in a nice home with plenty of money, and even though their father is quite absent, it's clear Karen tries her best. Yes, Mike had to deal with both El and Will going missing (and Will being possessed), and Nancy had to deal with her guilt over Barb's death, but based on the narrative, this doesn't come close to El and Will. At least from my pov haha 🧍🏼‍♂️

Anyways, it's clear all the characters have lots of trauma, but the story has shown us which specific characters are affected more and have to deal with these type of situations more often.

[lupinblacktheone]

What we want, have and need - prologue

Notes: Hey, there! This is a part of my Cobra Kai long fic that I'm posting on AO3. You can read the rest here! I hope you like it!

Ships: Lawrusso; Sam/Robby; Past! Amanda/Daniel

Relationships: Robby Keene/Samantha LaRusso; Johnny Lawrence/Daniel LaRusso, Robby Keene & Johnny Lawrence; Robby Keene & Daniel LaRusso; Samantha LaRusso & Daniel LaRusso; Samantha LaRusso & Johnny Lawrence; Amanda LaRusso & Samantha LaRusso; Samantha LaRusso & Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz; Miguel Diaz & Samantha LaRusso

Warnings: Bad lanaguage and mentions to alcohol.

Edit: I've edited this post to put the cut. Feel free to contact me to provide feedback about it.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Sam and Robby have been best friends for a while now. They would love to improve the relationships with their (single) parents, but it doesn't seem possible, so Robby gives Sam his father and Sam gives Robby her father in exchange."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Welcome to the LaRusso household, where Daniel is preparing quite a meal for his family with pasta, sauce, vegetables and shrimp. He hears the sound of high heels approaching him. His wife, Amanda, is wearing the gray suit she chose in the morning.

“Are we expecting someone?”, she asks, picking a tablespoon to taste the sauce.

“Yeah. Samantha LaRusso. I trust you know her.”

“Ha-ha”, Amanda rolls her eyes. “You’re so funny.”

“That’s why you married me, remember?”

“I’m having second thoughts about that”, her expression goes humorless.

A red alert shines and echoes on Daniel’s brain. He’s thinking of something to say, but doesn’t get to do it.

Amanda, on the other hand, is fully capable of doing whatever she wants to do. She chooses to pour wine on a glass, trying to get her mind in order.

The school counselor is worried about Sam’s social circle. He says she doesn’t have many friends, although she’s pretty talkative outside school. During her follow-up sessions, she has said – more than once – that she’d like to reconnect with her careless father and absent mother.

It hurts to be referred as “absent”, but she knows it’s true. Being a parent and managing the biggest dealership in a 6-state area is demanding. Even before their wedding day, Daniel and Amanda discussed the question “How many kids do you want?” a lot. And when they opened the first LaRusso Auto Shop, Daniel grabbed her arm and said:

“I want only one child.”

Amanda was of the same mind. They promised to take excellent care of their future child. A year later, Sam was born and her parents felt blessed by that little girl who slept peacefully in their arms.

The sacred promise was broken and all the efforts in the world wouldn’t fix it if she and Daniel didn’t try to do it with all of their hearts. Maybe Daniel has a better chance than Amanda.

She takes a sip, not looking up from her lap. Daniel turns off the fire and joins her.

“What are we toasting?”, he’s smiling as he sits by her side, but the joy dies when Amanda frowns.

“I don’t know… failure?”

“What do you mean?”

“I want a divorce.”

Daniel’s eyes widen open and his throat chokes on unfinished words. Asking “Are you serious?” will be no good. They have been together long enough for him to know she’s deadly serious.

“Why?”

He doesn’t sound mad or upset. He’s truly confused, resembling his 20-year-old self. Amanda really loved that kind, cute and smart boy, but he grew up to be a wise, gentle and stubborn man. Daniel is that classic “when-he-has-an-idea-no-one-can-get-it-out-of-his-head” character. She managed to endure this for all these years, but enough is enough.

“Because I can’t keep up with you anymore. I can’t live another ten years cleaning up your mess, especially when it comes to our child.”

“I know I haven’t been around for them lately, but I will fix things up with Sam, I swear.”

“Ok, but what about me? When was the last time we went out for dinner or talked outside work?”, she breathes and counts to nine, he tries to formulate a coherent answer, however, Amanda isn’t willing to hear it now. “I can’t live waiting for you to decide you want to be a real husband.”

“I’m sorry I failed you.”

“It’s too late for you and me, but it’s not too late for you and Sam. Do not throw this chance away.”

“I won’t.”

“We’ll see about that.”

She jumps off the counter and promises to be back for dinner. Daniel rests his hands on the cutting board and exhales tiredly. He can’t do that relaxing kata right now, but he can search his mind, willing to conjure up some Miyagi wisdom.

His sensei would have advised him to talk to Amanda. Even if he won’t try to convince her to change her mind – he respects the woman too much to compel her to stay in a broken marriage –, they should take some decisions concerning their future.

Sam comes back from wherever she was with a shiny smile on her lips and hopping around.

“How’s the taste?”, Daniel asks after the girl sneaks a shrimp

“Excellent, just like the whole LaRusso menu.”

The father can’t help giving the daughter a quick lecture on the right way to boil the perfect pasta while she helps him, picking up the necessary tools to finish cooking.  When they’re done, Sam solicitously signs up to call her mother – maybe because she sees something unusual on him.

Amanda shows up three minutes and twenty-four seconds later. The woman grabs knives and forks on the drawer.

“What do we tell her?”, Daniel whispers, holding her elbow.

“The truth, of course. She’s fully capable of understanding the reasons why we no longer can be together.”

Daniel agrees and Amanda notices that little pity look he had when she wouldn’t allow him to pick what they would watch on college movie nights.

“Hey”, she stops him from returning to the dining room. “We can tell our child we’re getting a divorce. We’re Mandy and Danny.”

“We can sell anything to anyone.”

The table is set up and the smell is in the air. Sam is clearly happy – wherever she was and with whoever she was, she had an excellent time.

“Your mother and I have something to tell you”, Daniel speaks, his eyes on Amanda.

“What is it?”

“We’re getting a divorce”, Amanda answers.

Sam remains silent as they explain what lead them to decide for ending their marriage. She doesn’t dare asking what will be of her, although she starts thinking about what she wants – she’d like to stay in the Valley until she graduates, if it’s possible.

“Are you going to sell the house?”, Sam isn’t sure of where the courage to say this comes from, but now the phrase is out in the open.

“We’ll discuss this later. But it doesn’t matter what we decide, you are free to choose where do you want to live.”

They finish the meal with no further conversation.

“Is it ok if I have dinner at Aisha’s place on Friday?”, the younger LaRusso lady whispers, looking around to check whether Daniel is around.

Amanda puts the dishcloth down. She knows Sam has been spending a lot of time and sharing many meals with her friends – in order not to stay home, perhaps –, but prior to going there, the girl would just let her parents know she was leaving. Asking for permission with so much advance is an unexpected move.

“Yeah, yeah. Sure”, the mother smiles. “Will you sleep over?”

“I don’t think so”, she looks away. “But if I change my mind, can I stay there?”

“If her parents are okay with it.”

“Thanks, mom.”

“You’re welcome.”

When the last glass goes to the cabinet, Sam climbs the stairs, grabbing her phone to call her best friend.

“Hey. How are you?”, the child asks.

“Everything is falling apart”, she cries, shoving her tiny fist on her mouth to avoid a sob.

“What do you mean?”

“My parents are getting a di-divorce.”

Even though their parents are “divorced” – they never were married, anyways – since they were born, they spare no effort to comfort the girl.