#// and here we have a classic example of me writing long af things

[zepskies]

Aw yay!! Thank you so much, friend. Starting off with a bang, so to speak. 😂❤️‍🔥

I broke! 🤣 I love innuendos like this!

LMfao SAME! It was very fun to try and capture that here. 😂

I snorted hard at that one 🤣 Oh sweet Lord and baby Jesus, he'd for sure say somethin' like that. Bless his heart 🤣🤣

Bless his heart, for the rest of him has already been blessed. 😏

Whoop! We have a hurdle 👀 Now, I shall wait who says the magic words first... 😈

Don't we always have some kind of hurdle with me. 😅 Ooh, I love a guessing game!

My crime-loving heart burns with passion every time I read classics like this 😍❤️ That's when you know shit's about to get good 😏 (We definitely watch too much Law & Order lol. Loved the SVU warning btw 😆)

Oh my God, WAY too much L&O! But I knew you in particular would appreciate my attempts at getting somewhat SVU with this.

Didn't want to get too graphic on it, so I held back some, but I'm so glad you appreciated those aspects. Especially since you have so much experience writing crime dramas! ("Murder cluser" -- I'm a nerd about those things too!! Trying to bring some authenticity over here. 🤏🏽 😂)

Yup, typical law enforcement (at least when you're passionate and care). I thought he'd be the exactly the same way – just drown in a case and forget your whole world around you in the process

Ugh yep, unfortunately, and we know this is already a pattern of behavior with Beau. Even more so on this case because it's literally striking too close to home.

Whoa, definitely don't mess with Y/N. Girl knows how to "silently treat" someone lmao 🤣

And I discovered this about her while trying to explore more of her character weaknesses. 😂😂 Experience has taught her the fine art of pettiness. 😌 (Lmfao Aubrey is the perfect example!)

Umpf... don't underestimate Beau either. He's playing dirty 😆

And not even realizing it! That bastard. 🤣

Yup, that's the one 😂 You've outdone yourself with the passive-agressiveness of this 👏😆

LOL I just love the phrase "deceptively calm." 🤣🤣

Ugh, the man is sweet but frustrates me sometimes. I can see him this innocently spinning around, too 🙄

HONESTLY. The way he even had to ask why she was mad. Like why are men seriously like this? I was legit having a conversation with my best friend about her boyfriend acting very similarly to this. 🙄🙄

Yup, there we go. I expected something like this. His "it's okay to be an asshat as long as you're saving someone/doing good" reminds me of someone... 👀

The way I chortled. Legit the perfect Dean gif for that moment. 🤣 (And 100% accurate AF.)

Ugh, typical creep behavior 😒 Show me you're a low-life criminal and perv without telling me you are... (btw: why do they always do this in shows and movies? Like, "Ooooh, look at me! If I hadn't been caught, you would've been my next victim" 😂)

Ugh ikr? That's exactly the feeling! Part of me kind of cringes making it so obvious, but at the same time, this could've become a whole new mini series if I wasn't careful and drew this out the way I could have. 😂😂

1983? I love you for this 😂 Please tell me more people got that reference 🙌

OMG Literally just you and one other person got that little reference, but I know I can always count on you!! 😂 🫶🏽

I mean, a little... But we all are sometimes, so we get it 😆🫶 I honestly hope that super creep doesn't come after her, now that he's out on bail. Poor woman has been through enough creepy serial killer trauma 🙈

Ha! I know, her pettiness is kind of understandable. But if she'd just answered his call, maybe what happens next could've been avoided...

(And I know, I'm fucking terrible aren't I? 🥲)

Welp, there we go! I spoke too soon lol. ZEP! You're gonna make this girl need life-long therapy! 😂 And poor Beau, he already blamed himself last time. He's gonna freak for sure now. This is all gonna get worse 🙈

And she was already in therapy! She'll definitely be giving that person more billable hours. 😬 Poor girl. AND poor Beau, for sure. It's going to take them both a while to work through this one. Like you said, as if they didn't have enough PTSD.

But I'm so glad that whole scene was able to keep you on the edge of your seat!! 🤩

“I’ll take you home, okay?” he said.

N'awwwww a callback 🥹🥹🥹

I love me a callback! 🥹💗 (And a title shoutout.)

Zep, omg! 🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭 Why are you hitting me with all these feels? This is me and hubs ❤️

Oh yeah that's right!!! I told you, I would love to have a love like that. 🥹

Awww, she said it first and overcame her fear 🥹🫶 I already knew he felt the same 😏 He honestly should've manned up and said it already. We know he was feeling it and close to saying it in the series lol

Honestly I'm kinda wishing I had had him say it first for that reason! But I also thought he'd be one to let certain things be implicit through his actions (not like some other Jackles characters we know 🙄), until he finds the courage to be vulnerable in that way. 💗

Zep, I loved this one shot! It was amazing! Such a beautiful addition to this wonderful series 🥹❤️ Can't wait to see what else you come up with in this universe 🫶

Thank you so very much!! 🥹 I always feel blessed by your comments, and this time was no different! I was smiling ear to ear. 💕 There one more little one-shot (for now), and I see you already got to it!! Diving into your comments there next!

A Good Man Is Hard to Find

Pairing: Beau Arlen x F. Reader 

Summary: When Beau starts pulling away from you and Emily during a very difficult case, will the pressure make or break your relationship?

AN: This is a sequel story to the Take Me Home storyverse, set just a few months after Part 9!

Word Count: 5.5K

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! Smut, a Law & Order: SVU-esque case, angst, perilous situations and violence, hurt/comfort and fluff.

Catch up on TMH: ⤵️

❤️ Take Me Home Masterlist

You took pleasure in the sounds you were pulling out of this man.

You continued to kiss down his neck. Each of your movements was slow and purposeful.

Your hips rolled against his, brushing your clothed, aching core against his risen length. His hands were like steel bands on your hips, not letting you leave even if you wanted to. He groaned.

“I needa get ready for work,” Beau chuckled. And he pointed out, “So do you.”

You smiled against his skin, and you gently dragged his flesh between your teeth.

“It’s still early,” you argued in his ear. You teased the shell of it with your tongue, making him shudder and rock his clothed hard-on between your legs. The wet tip of his cock dampened your panties further.

His hands moved down your thighs, caressing, squeezing, getting a handful of your ass in the process. Just as his fingers dipped under the satin hem of your panties, his phone buzzed on one of the nightstands. Beau let out a sigh of disappointment and reached over blindly for it.

He saw the caller ID and took in a breath to get himself together first. Even though he didn’t quite succeed, he answered the call.

“Mornin’, Jenny,” he greeted. You grinned.

“Tell her I said hi,” you whispered.

Beau shot you a “stern” look, though his lips curved at a smile. He mouthed at you to behave. 

You gave him a look that was cheeky at best.

“We caught a new case. If you want, you can meet us at the scene instead of the precinct,” said Jenny.

“Okay, where to?” Beau asked.

While Jenny gave him the directions, you used his distraction to your advantage. You shimmied out of your underwear and the overly large shirt you’d stolen from him last night. Then you drew down the waistband of his underwear and freed his cock into your hands.

“Okay, sounds g—” Beau was forced to pause on a sharp inhale.

“You okay?” Jenny asked.

“Y-Yeah. Just fine. Had a tickle in my throat,” Beau said.

"Okay, well just so you know," Jenny said, continuing to give him tidbits of information that he really should've been paying attention to.

He cleared his throat, shooting you an incredulous look. You didn’t pay him much mind as you began to touch him with care, from the weeping tip and along the shaft down to the base, even caressing his balls.

Beau’s furrowed gaze held yours as his breath faltered again. Your deft hands lined up his cock to your entrance. You teased yourself on the sensitive head of it, brushing it through your wet folds and against your clit. You had to bite your lip against a moan, but you didn’t quite manage to stifle the sound.

“Okay, Jenny. Thanks, I’ll see you there in a bit,” he said in a rush.

He hung up as soon as he could, but all the while, you were unrelenting. You finally sunk fully down on his cock, taking him all the way inside your wet heat.

Beau let out a strained groan and grabbed your arms. He sat up and pressed his forehead to yours. His lips formed a chiding smile.

“That wasn’t very nice,” he said. His voice was a bit rough, sending a shiver down your spine.  

“You want me to be nice?” you teased, beginning to let the full length of him slide out of you. You welcomed him back inside with a rock of your hips. “I just need a moment of your time, Sheriff.”

He nodded breathlessly. “Think I can manage that.”

You smirked and held onto the back of his neck as you rode him. You had a feeling you would find fingerprint bruises on your hips and thighs tomorrow, but this was worth it.

It took a lot to see Beau lose control, even in the bedroom. Now, he had a hand tangled in your hair and his lips fastened to your throat. He helped you move on him with a guiding hand on your hip. You slipped a hand from his shoulder and further parted your folds to find your clit.

But as Beau so often did, he moved your hand away so he could usher in your pleasure himself. He massaged your clit until your inner walls became almost too tight for him to drive up into you. Your thighs shook around his hips, and he managed to hold off on his own release until you came, hard on his cock.

You cried out near his ear and held onto his shoulders. He supported your collapse against his chest, but he still grabbed your hip tighter and rutted into you a few more times, until he was able to spill into you and fill you up to the brim with his warmth. You clenched on him on purpose, milking him for all he was worth.

Fuuuckin’ hell, he thought with a grunt, and he panted against your shoulder. He laid a belated kiss there.

“What a way to greet the sun,” he remarked.

You laughed breathily, caressing his cheek.

Beau was, inevitably, running late for work. He found that he was okay with that as he kissed you goodbye.

You were still in your robe and holding a mug of coffee. You didn’t need to be at work for another couple of hours. Your Tuesday classes didn’t start until 10:00 a.m.

“Have a good day, baby. I…” you trailed.

Certain words were poised on your tongue. Words that neither of you had said to one another just yet. Your heart started tripping up a bit as you realized it. 

Even though you’d known the truth of what you felt for him for a while now, you’d been very careful to let him say it first. You told yourself you didn’t want to pressure him, in light of his contentious divorce and how new this all still was between you and Beau…

But more often, you wondered if you were maybe projecting, considering your own rocky past. Maybe it was just self-preservation.

“Yeah?” Beau questioned. You waved him off with a nervous chuckle. 

“Nothing. I don’t know,” you said. “My coffee hasn’t kicked in yet.”

He just smiled and gave you one last kiss to the side of your head before he left your apartment.

Beau arrived at the scene of the crime: the parking lot of a movie theater. Jenny and Poppernak were already there inside the perimeter of yellow caution tape while the Forensics team did their thing. Jenny checked her watch when she saw the sheriff.

“What took you so long?” she asked.��

“Traffic,” Beau lied, his face warming. “What’ve we got?”

He quickly shifted his attention to the pool of blood staining the ground between his deputies. The path of his gaze led to the victim: a young woman wearing a blouse, skirt, and heels. The skirt was torn up to the hip. Her neck was cut, deep but clean.  

There were other signs of struggle; road burns on her right thigh, like she had been dragged. Jenny even found a can of pepper spray rolled under the victim’s car. 

“Maybe he was trying to get her to his car. She fought back hard enough that he cut his losses,” she theorized. 

Beau blew out a sigh and nodded grimly.

“Okay. Let’s get started.”

Two months gave the Lewis and Clark Sheriff’s Department two more murders. Both were women, presumably alone and late at night, and in the dimly lit, poorly secured parking lot of an establishment. 

Stressed didn’t begin to cover how Beau Arlen walked back into the precinct two hours before he truly had to. What little forensics they’d been able to uncover from each scene (and on the victims) let them to conclude that the suspect was male, and likely between 5’10” and over 6 feet tall.

As they now had a murder cluster, Beau and his team determined that the victims were found within a 5-mile radius. Both Emily’s school and the college where you taught were within that range.   

It had led Beau to long nights spent at the precinct and in town, researching, canvasing, working with his team to lock down possible leads. 

But those two months had also led him to cancel dates with you and plans with his daughter. He hadn’t stayed over your apartment in weeks. You’d spoken to Emily, and she told you he was often late in picking her up from school on his custody days with her. When she was with him, he always seemed distant, distracted.

It was all too familiar, Emily told you, and she hated it. 

You were worried and becoming increasingly frustrated. Any calls you made to him to check in were a few minutes at most, before he left you hanging to go back to work.

Beau had told you this was a difficult string of homicide cases, and very little else. You knew that he shouldn’t and couldn’t tell you too many details about the case, but you also couldn’t help but feel that he was pulling away from you…and leaving you in the dark. 

You’d just gotten home after a longer day than usual at work. Frankly, you were exhausted. All you wanted to do was shower and find whatever you could in your fridge to have for dinner. You didn’t care what it was at this point.

Before you could go rummaging, however, your phone started to ring. You sighed and went back to the purse you dumped on the kitchen table, and you saw that the call was from Carla. Your brows knitted in confusion. She’d been on a business trip in California for one of her higher-profile trial cases.

Carla was polite on the phone, but sounded a bit stressed.

“Emily just called to tell me that Beau hasn’t come by to pick her up from school. She’s been there for two hours,” Carla said.

Your eyes widened in surprise. “What? That’s not like him.” 

“I know, but he’s not picking up his phone. Is he with you?” she asked. 

“No, I just got home. He has to be still at work,” you said. You restrained a sigh as you grabbed your purse back up. “I can pick Emily up.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, in a relieved tone that suggested that was what she’d wanted all along, but she still wanted to be polite about it. 

“Yes, I’ll get her. Don’t worry,” you said. “And I’ll talk to Beau about this.”

“Good,” Carla said. “I appreciate that.”

After getting off the phone with Carla, you texted Emily and let her know you were coming to pick her up. She texted back:

Are you sure? I can just take an Uber to your place or something.

You replied:

No, honey. Don’t worry about it. I’ll be there in 15 - 20 minutes.

You didn’t manage to get ahold of Beau until you’d already picked Emily up from school. You braved through thirty minutes of traffic to get home again, and you stopped to grab dinner on the way.

Beau didn’t get to your apartment until later that night. You and Emily had a nice dinner of Tex-Mex takeout (though she’d said it was definitely better in Houston). He looked tired and apologetic as he went to hug his daughter first. 

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he said. “I just got held up at work.”

Emily nodded and tried to smile at him, but it didn’t reach her eyes. 

“It’s fine, I get it,” she said. 

Beau knew his daughter well enough to see the truth. He sighed, but he went over to you in the kitchen next. You were putting away the leftovers. He laid a hand on your back and tried to kiss you in greeting, but you only gave him your cheek. 

You didn’t meet his eyes when you slid over the plate you’d set aside for him: a massive carne asada burrito with all the sauces, just like he liked it. 

Beau felt like an ass. 

You left him to heat up his food and went to Emily, who was helping to clear the kitchen table. 

“Do you need help with your homework?” you asked her. “I know you said you did some at school while you were waiting.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’m pretty much done. I’ve got it.”

You smiled at her. “Okay, good job.”

The next item on your mental list was grabbing the bedsheets out of the dryer, to set up the pull-out bed from the couch later for Emily to sleep.

Beau watched you putter around the apartment while Emily settled in front of the TV with the remainder of her homework. He felt like an outsider with his own girlfriend and daughter…and there was an eerily familiar feeling churning in his gut. 

Later that night, you were reading in bed. Beau stepped out of the bathroom after a shower, with the towel wrapped around his hips, his chest and arms all dewy. You had to force yourself not to take notice.

You’d been missing him—practically aching for him for weeks, for two months. You were also upset with him though, and for more than one reason.

After he got dressed for bed in a long-sleeved shirt and some sweatpants, Beau once again noticed that deceptively calm look on your face. He knew that face, just as he sensed the tension in the air.

He sighed and came to sit on the edge of his side of the bed. Or at least, the side he’d claimed ever since he started sleeping over regularly here. Somehow, his own trailer had become a bit stale and lonesome, unless Emily was staying over. 

Beau watched your profile and saw the way you were trying your best to ignore him. 

“I get the feeling you’re mad,” Beau said, breaking the silence. “Sorry about today. I know Carla called you…I just got caught up with something at work.”

“Carla was right to call me,” you replied, though your eyes didn’t leave the page that you weren’t reading. Beau’s lips pursed. 

“Darlin’, would you look at me, please?” he asked.

You dropped your book into your lap, and you met his gaze. 

“All right, tell me. Why’re you mad?” he asked. 

You raised your brows with a tense frown.

“I’m upset with you. Because this is the first night you’ve spent here in over a month. And it’s not because you wanted to.” 

You shoved the blankets off your body and slipped out of the bed. Beau’s shoulders sunk a bit. 

“Come on, honey. You know that’s not—” he tried, but you weren’t done. 

No, you were very far from done.

“I’m upset with you, because every time I try to extend an olive branch and make plans with you, you reschedule at the last minute,” you snapped. “I’m upset with you because what few and far between conversations we do have? They consist of me trying to figure out what’s happening with you, trying to share with you about what’s going on with me—and you’re either half-listening, or you’re running off before the five-minute mark.”

Again, Beau opened his mouth to argue as his brows furrowed, but you beat him to it.

“And not to mention, you forgot your daughter,” you said. “You’ve been forgetting her, and you’ve been shutting me out.”

Beau stood along with you, his whole body tense with frustration. 

“Look, it’s not like I’m out there cheating on you! I’m doing my damn job!” he said. 

His words hit you like a physical blow. Your mouth fell open in soft shock. Tears even stung in your eyes.

“Reminding me of Michael,” you nodded in understanding. “Okay. Wouldn’t be the first time this month.”

Beau bristled; he didn’t think it was right for you to compare him to your bastard ex-boyfriend.

“Hey, that’s not fair,” he said.

"This isn't fair," you retorted, gesturing between you both with a pointed finger.

Beau's lips pursed. His jaw clenched as he averted his gaze, so he could better hold his tongue before he said something he might regret.

Too late...

Eventually, you stopped waiting for him to answer you.

Beau saw how you withdrew, both from the argument, and from him with a sigh. You crossed your arms and held yourself when you headed into the bathroom.

He internally deflated. Shit. 

Something told him that if Emily wasn’t occupying the only other sleeping place in this apartment, he’d have been booted out of your room.

Things were tense the next morning. 

Beau agreed to take Emily to school, since you picked her up yesterday. You gave Emily a hug before they left, and you had even packed her a good lunch for school. You knew she had to do that herself whenever she stayed at her dad’s place. 

And yes, while the teen was old enough and responsible enough to pack her own lunch, you just wanted to make sure she knew you were still in her corner, no matter what friction might be happening between you and her dad.

You and Beau parted ways that morning with tension still lying between you, just like it had been last night in your bed. After they headed out, you found yourself at a loss, feeling unbalanced.

You didn’t have a class today until noon, so you took the morning to truly think about what was happening here. Whatever Beau’s case was about, you knew it was serious and complex, and he didn’t want to talk about it, likely for your safety. 

All you could hope was that Beau, Jenny, Poppernak and the rest of the team were able to solve it quickly. You even began to wonder if it was fair of you to add stress on Beau’s shoulders when he was dealing with something that was clearly taking all of his energy, and making him distant with both you and Emily.

Blowing out a big sigh, you supposed you could try to be gracious one more time. You braved the annoyance of putting real clothes on—a blouse and work casual pants, as you later would have to go in to work. 

You first headed over to the precinct with your purse on one shoulder and a plastic bag hanging from your other hand. 

You entered the double doors and walked in past the reception desk, then through the bullpen. You noticed right away that there was a commotion going on, as you saw Jenny leading in a man handcuffed behind his back. You almost bumped into him as they crossed you in the hall. 

The man was tall and lean, with pieces of his coiffed dark hair falling over his sharp blue eyes. They found you, and his lips curved into a smile after he gave you a once-over. 

His smile made a shiver of unease prickle down your spine as you froze. 

“Keep moving, Casey,” Jenny ordered.

Beau was right behind her, though the moment he took in the exchange between you and Casey, Beau stalked forward and stepped in between, urging the other man forward with a firm hand on his shoulder and a stern look of warning.

Jenny and Popernak led the suspect into a room for questioning, while Beau’s hand found the small of your back and guided you into his office. 

He closed the door behind him and carded a hand through his hair. He let out a subtle breath and turned to face you. He didn’t look all that happy to see you, just tense. 

“What’s going on?” he asked. “Sorry, we’re a bit busy today.”

Before you could speak, he added, “Matter of fact, it’d be better if you called first next time.”

Your mouth snapped shut. Your brows knitted together in a glare, and you handed him the bag you carried in. It contained a nice hot sandwich and fries from Tonya’s diner, made by Donno himself.

“Here,” was all you said, before you walked out the door of the sheriff’s office. 

Beau watched you go in surprise, with the word “wait” halting on his tongue. His gaze traveled down to the open bag between his hands, and sure enough, the smell of a good meal hit him, making his mouth water and his stomach twist with guilt all at once.

Damn it, he sighed. But lunch (and a phone call to you) would have to wait. He set it down on his desk and hastened down the hall to where their suspect, in what had been dubbed the “Fall Murders,” had finally been arrested and held for questioning.

Casey Sanderson; ex-military, dishonorably discharged, an abusive mother in his childhood and an unstable mind following two tours in the Middle East had left him unbalanced, according to his friends from his unit.

His DNA was also discovered under the fingernails of the most recent victim, Christina Mendez. Two weeks ago, her body was found behind a gas station late at night, her neck carved by a knife, and bruises littering her arms and body. 

Beau entered the room where Poppernak and Jenny had already gotten started on the suspect. 

“Casey here has lawyered up,” Jenny informed him, though her gaze never left the suspect. They were forced to wait on further questioning until the lawyer arrived.  

“Ah, the Sheriff of Nottingham,” Casey remarked. His cool blue eyes watch with a measure of nonchalance as Beau stood behind his deputies, arms crossed. 

Casey nodded up at him. “Was that your girl out there in the hall?”

Beau’s formerly calm face turned to stone. 

Casey’s lips curved slightly. 

“Good taste,” was all he said.

His tone was mild, yet it still made Beau’s skin crawl. And his rage built, igniting his blood. He did everything he could to temper that wildfire into a simmer that rolled just underneath his skin. 

Jenny and Poppernak knew him well enough to see what he was thinking. Both of them watched him with hidden wariness and concern, especially when Beau stepped forward, placing one hand on the table between him and Casey Sanderson. Darkened green eyes met cool blue. 

“Where were you on November 2 between 10:00 p.m. and 4:00 a.m.?” Beau asked.

Beau was irate when, a few days later, the ADA prosecutor called him at his office first thing in the morning to inform him of the latest news on Casey Sanderson. 

“What the hell do you mean he got out on bail yesterday?” Beau snapped. “We have DNA evidence.”

“He claims that he and Miss Mendez had consensual sex earlier that evening, in the women’s bathroom, of all excuses, but they parted ways after leaving the movie theater,” said the ADA. “As you know, we couldn’t put him directly at the gas station near the theater, where she was found. The defense lawyer convinced the judge that the remaining evidence is too circumstantial to warrant holding him without bail.”

Fuckin’ hell, Beau let out an angry breath, carding his fingers through his hair. He hung up with the ADA moments later. His cell phone lighting up with a notification drew his attention, even perking him up a little, but he deflated when he saw it wasn’t from you. 

Just Carla letting him know that she’d take Emily for the weekend this time, just like he’d asked. He felt bad for it, but he needed more time to concentrate on his cases. Sanderson was just one of many now, and Poppernak and Jenny couldn’t handle it all.

Beau tried to rub his tired face back to life, but once again, he thought of you. He still felt guilty, and he still missed you. Missed you like hell. 

He hesitantly picked up his phone and he called you, hoping you wouldn’t let it go to voicemail again.

Admittedly, you were being a bit petty. You were screening your boyfriend’s calls. 

However, if Beau Arlen wanted to see you, then he could get his ass up off that office chair and come to you this time. 

You were tired of giving out olive branches left and right. You didn’t deserve to be the one left waiting and wringing your hands, wondering if this man even cared about you…as much as you’d come to care about him. 

So you ignored his call—the second one today, and you prepared for your afternoon classes. 

Even after your classes were done for the day, you graded a batch of papers to get them out of the way. As much as you couldn’t wait to go home, you didn’t feel like doing more work when you got there.

Another hour and a half ticked by before you finished grading and inputting the percentages into the online gradebook. Then, with a weary sigh, you grabbed your purse and your workbag and headed down to the garage where your car was parked. 

You always tried to park in the same spot for faculty, in a space closest to the elevators. You found your car and put down your workbag in the backseat first. When you closed the door, you saw a figure in the window’s reflection. 

You gasped and turned around. A man covered your mouth as a scream tore from your throat and echoed loudly in the garage.

He shoved you hard against the car door, but thanks to a few self-defense lessons from both Jenny and Beau, the heel of your hand came up on reflex. 

It hit the man up the bridge of his nose with a crack. He shouted and reared back. When he pulled his hand back, it came away bloody. And you finally recognized him as the man you saw at the precinct: tall, thin, dark brown hair, angry blue eyes now staring back at you.

“Fucking bitch,” he chuckled. “Got some fight in you.”

Fear was a living thing inside you, but you somehow managed to force your body to move.

You scrambled for the driver’s door of your car and tried to open it, but the man shoved it closed, then grabbed at you once again. His forearm pressed across your chest and pinned you there.

The edge of a knife poised at your throat, making you freeze in panic. The blade teased your skin, hot breath against your cheek.

“Freeze, Casey!” came an angry shout. Both you and your attacker recognized that voice. Your breath was stifled in hope. Casey frowned in frustration. 

Just over his right shoulder, you saw Beau holding his gun aimed at the man who held you. His brows were drawn together, his entire body poised to react to whatever Casey did next. 

“Turn around, hands up high, and drop that knife,” Beau ordered. 

Casey’s mouth edged into a humorless smile. “Evening, Sheriff. Up for a date night?” 

He slid the blade just slightly against your skin, enough to draw a line of blood, and make you inhale sharply. 

“I’m not gonna say it again! Turn around and drop the goddamn knife,” Beau snapped. “Try anything else, and I’ll make a third hole in your spine.”

Letting out a breath through his nose, Casey’s façade of nonchalance fell. He released you, stepping back slowly with his hands held in the air. The knife slipped out of his hand.

Beau stalked towards him before it even clattered to the floor. You were frozen where you stood pressed against your car.

You watched Beau stow away his gun and wrangle Casey’s hands behind his back, slapping on some tight handcuffs, and getting the man onto his stomach on the dusty ground, his cheek pressed hard to the asphalt. Beau held him down with one hand while he fished for his cell in his pocket to call for backup on the arrest. 

Beau’s head lifted to catch your eyes. He gave you a reassuring look. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ve got this,” he said.

His voice was warm for you, steady. When you nodded, it was a jerky motion as you held a hand to your racing heart. You then raised it shakily up to your neck and swiped at the trail of blood there. The wound itself was minor, just a sting, but it was a cold reminder of what could’ve been.

The wait for Jenny and the rest of the team was agonizing. 

Beau kept Casey on the ground, facing away from you. Eventually you were able to peel yourself off the side of your car and climb into the driver’s seat, just so you wouldn’t have to keep looking at the man who attacked you.

Jenny and Poppernak arrived within half an hour to haul Casey up and drag him into Jenny's SUV. That allowed Beau to return to your car and tap on the window of the driver’s side. You jolted and looked over to find Beau’s reassuring face. 

“They took him. It’s okay,” he said, only a little muffled through the door. You nodded and gestured for him to step back, so you could open the door. 

The moment you were on your feet and out of the car, you went into Beau’s waiting embrace. Hot tears welled up in your eyes. You hiccupped and struggled to breathe steady, but Beau held you tight and soothed a hand over your hair, down your back.

“It’s over, honey, I promise. I promise I’ve gotcha,” he said quietly in your ear. You nodded and let his warmth seep into you. 

“I’ll take you home, okay?” he said. “We’ll get your car tomorrow.”

You sucked in a trembling breath. 

“Please,” you agreed. “Take me home.”

“Am I going to have to testify in court?” you asked. 

Beau held you close in your bed later that night. You two had dinner together and had been rewatching old episodes of Friends to take both of your minds off what happened today.

Beau reluctantly nodded in answer to your question. 

“The ADA will probably ask you to, but…you can say no,” he said. “I’ll back you, whatever you decide.”

“No, I want to,” you said, even though the thought made you tremble inside. “That animal belongs in a cage.”

Beau silently agreed with you. He admired you for your vehemence, and your courage to even say that you wanted to testify against Casey. 

Beau laid a gentle kiss above your brow and continued to rub your back. You both had the blankets up to your hips with a bowl of popcorn balanced between his thigh and yours. He moved it over onto his nightstand so he could curl you more securely against him. You raised your head to consider him thoughtfully.  

“Why were you on campus?” you asked, as it finally occurred to you. “How did you know I was still there?”

“I thought I could catch you after your last class, so I went up to your office to see you,” he said. “But you weren’t there. A receptionist was on her way out though. She saw you head out a little while before, so I booked it back down to the garage to see if you were there.”

He was never more glad to heed his gut instinct. That was when he’d heard you scream.

The memory made his insides clench. Beau shook his head against the rest of it. He let out a heavy sigh.

“I’m so damn sorry for what happened. You gotta know, all this time, this is what I was trying to prevent,” he said, with pain written on his face. “But I’m also sorry that I shut you out. You and Em. I just didn’t know how else to keep you out of this. After what happened this summer…I wasn’t gonna let that happen again.”

With tears stinging in your eyes, you nodded. You knew now that he hadn’t meant to hurt you.

Beau Arlen truly was a good man, and that was hard to come by.

You shifted so that you were propped up on your elbow, resting on his pillow. You stroked his cheek. 

“I understand. And I’m sorry too. I know that your job can be difficult, and stressful, and sometimes dangerous,” you said. “But I need you to talk to me. If we’re going to do this for the long haul, we need to communicate. I can’t be left in the dark like that again, Beau. I just can’t…"

It was your turn to sigh. "It feels too close to what I went through with Michael. Being lied to. Being told what I wanted to hear, never actually knowing what was going on, until it was too late.”

You admitted that last part with a hitch of emotion in your voice, meeting Beau’s eyes. His were full of remorse.

“I know. Again, I’m sorry. I promise, I’m gonna work on it,” he said, nodding. He planned to make it up to his daughter too. He would talk to her tomorrow.

You drew his attention back with the hand caressing his cheek.

“I just don’t want anything like that to happen to us. I love you too much,” you said. A tear worked its way down your cheek. “Beau, I love you.”

Beau grasped your hand, holding it to his cheek. His furrowed expression eased, and his lips slowly turned up into a smile. A true one, hinting at all the charm that was unique to this man. You’d missed that smile. 

He dried your cheek with a gentle hand. 

“Well that’s good,” he said. “Because I don’t think I’ve loved you more than I do right now.”

You laughed through more of your tears, and let him guide you into a tender kiss. One sparked another, and more, each one more searing than the next.

Beau’s fingers disappeared into your hair, just as your legs tangled themselves between his when he rolled you over, and underneath him, where he continued putting actions behind his words. 

He gave you a promise that night, one that you’d both try to hold yourselves to in the morning.

AN: Ahh, I'm soft. This feels like the more "official" end to Take Me Home, though I'd be open to come back to these two if new ideas hit me. But until then, let me know what you thought of this one! 😘

Keep Reading:

Here's a drabble set directly after this one-shot. It's called A Crime of Passion:

Summary: When Beau Arlen decides to “make it up to you,” he’s damn thorough.

▶️ Next Story: A Crime of Passion

Ko-Fi Me ☕

Take Me Home Masterlist

Big Sky Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Series Tag List (Part 1):

For those of you with tag lists, Tumblr is doing a weird thing again with tags. I had to separate them 5 at a time for the hyperlinks to work on each blog! So annoying lol.

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@wincastifer @iamsapphine @roseblue373 @brianochka

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@curlycarley @sarahgracej @bagpussjocken @deanfreakingwinchester @chernayawidow

[chaosworthyarchive]

¦ 11 - 25 - 3226      Scrap Brain ¦

---

     It was the clattering of teacups, the telltale sound of glass on glass, that snapped the hero out of his thoughts with a small jerk. It was only then he realized he had been on the receiving end of a worried look, not just from the one sitting across from him but the waitress who had just brought them both their tea. The latter seemed to think better of asking, merely setting the two cups down on the table before politely excusing themselves. The former did just the opposite.

     “Is everything alright, Mr. Sonic?” Per usual, there was an innocence, an honest concern, in Cream’s voice that the hedgehog just couldn’t help but smile at.

     “Everything’s fine, sorry about that. I was just...spacing out a little bit,” he told her, taking his cup from the middle of the table to set in front of him. As his fingers wrapped around the cup he could see something cautious in the rabbit’s eyes, a hesitation before she spoke again.  

     “You’ve been doing that a lot lately...” her tone was careful, her coffee-colored eyes glancing around them, to the other patrons of the café before settling on the hero again. “Is it because you’re still nervous about being out in public?”

    It was a harmless question but the hero still frowned a little at it, an apprehension in his demeanor as he fought the urge to look around himself. He hadn’t realized it was that obvious but he figured there was no point in lying about it, though he kept his own voice relaxed. “A little, yeah, but ‘s not so bad here so don’t worry.”  

     That much wasn’t a lie either, and he was grateful that the small building was situated just on the outskirts of the city. It was where he and the rabbit often met for these little chats, just to catch up, though it had been months since they had been able to properly do it thanks to recent events and the hedgehog’s aforementioned wariness. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy being out like this, just that he had never thought it a good idea after everything that had happened. Things hadn’t cooled down as much as the hero would have hoped.  

     “Is it bad in other places?” Cream’s next question got a look from the hedgehog, like he didn’t quite understand but in reality he didn’t know how to answer that, and she continued by way of explanation. “Amy tells me that you’ve been mostly keeping to yourself ever since you left Knuckles’ home. Are things…okay in the village?”

     “They are, yeah, surprisingly enough,” he assured, again more truth than anything to his answer as he smiled again, a warmth to it this time. “Cheesy as it sounds, and for all the stuff I’ve been through, the village has always been the one place where I feel…I don’t know, normal I suppose? Rosie’s seen t' that for years and she made doubly sure of that after…well, everything.”

     “It’s because everyone there loves you, and they know how hard you’ve worked to save everyone. A lot of people realize that, I think,” Cream beamed, either not noticing or ignoring the brief flash of uncertainty in Sonic’s eyes. “How are things in the city? You stay in Scrap Brain a lot too, right?”

     “Did Amy tell you that as well?” The moment he asked the hero could tell that was exactly what had happened and he made a mental note to talk to the pink hedgehog about what she talked about with other people. It wasn’t much of a problem with Cream, but it was better to be safe than sorry. Especially these days. Still, the lingering question brought silence with it, the hero doing his best to put on a reassuring smile. “Things in the city are…okay.”

     Cream saw right through it, concern plastered on her face as she raised her cup to take a sip. She didn’t know if she was overstepping by wanting to continue their conversation, but she decided to risk it, softly asking, “so…not good?”

     The hedgehog didn’t answer right away, much to the rabbit’s despair, his bright eyes lowering to his own cup as he thought about how to best respond. It occurred to him he could just fib, come up with some half-truth and move on, but he didn’t really see a point. Not just because Cream might know something wasn’t right, but because she was bound to find out sooner or later. Be it either from Amy or some random conversation between strangers, she would eventually find out that things weren’t all okay.  

     After the silence had gone on for a little too long, he sighed. His eyes didn’t raise, and his voice fell quiet but he did answer, albeit hesitantly. “They could be worse, but they could also be better. It’s…hard t' explain. People don’t hassle me or anything like that, and some of them go out of their way t' act civil enough but…”  

     Sonic stopped there, frowning as he tried to word things the right way. He didn’t want to make the rabbit worry, something that had already been long since accomplished, but he also didn’t know if there was a way around it. If he was going to be honest, the whole thing worried him as well and it had for the past few months. Maybe he was a fool for thinking, or hoping rather, that things would go back to some semblance of normal after the reconstruction began, when life started veering back on track. He expected people to be upset, and they rightfully should have been, but even he hadn’t expected the level of it that greeted him more than half the time he went out in public. 

     He thought he was imagining it at first but then he started to hear things, noticing people avoiding him, and that had confirmed his suspicions. The hero didn’t like it, which was why he looked off to the side to avoid Cream seeing the upset look in his eyes, but understood. Maybe he shouldn’t have, maybe he should have been trying to fix things instead of keeping to himself, but he couldn’t bring himself to and as his hands wrapped around the cup in front of him, the hero couldn’t even look at his reflection in the dark liquid.  

     “There’s still a look in everyone’s eyes when they see me, Cream. Like...most of them don’t know what t’ think anymore and the others…” another pause, this time with the hero’s eyes meeting her’s, a dull sorrow in them. “It’s like they’re scared.”

     This time, it was Cream who fell silent. While they didn’t talk about it often, the rabbit knew that being held up to his title of ‘hero’ for so many years had taken its toll on the hedgehog in front of her. She wasn’t a fighter, wasn’t even a part of The Freedom Fighters or the hero’s immediate circle of friends, yet they had found a mutual friend in Amy, and soon realized they had a liking for the simpler things. There weren’t many people the rabbit could sit down with over a decent cup of tea and just chat, but Sonic had quickly filled that role once she had gotten enough courage to ask so many years ago and she knew neither of them regretted the decision. 

     But there had always been that one thing, that dull speck of something deep in his eyes that had grown so much over the years, that she had to wonder if he was really alright. After Robotnik had come back, after a handful of cities and towns had been destroyed and Grand Metropolis had fallen at the hands of Chaos, she knew things hadn’t been easy. Even if the good guys had won in the end there was still lasting damage and because Amy had been exhausted after the whole ordeal, Cream knew the same had to have gone for Sonic. Even now she could tell he still wasn’t quite right, and that was why it hurt her to hear what he said. And even worse that he was, technically, right.  

     The people were scared, but she didn’t have the heart to tell him that. She might have lived in a small town outside of Scrap Brain, away from the usual hustle and bustle, but word spread like wildfire. It hadn’t taken long after the final attack, after Chaos had disappeared for the rumors to start spreading. Some people, and Cream truly wanted to believe it was most, were thankful for what the hedgehog did and had truly been worried for him after what happened. There had been a lot of raw emotion after the fight in Grand Metropolis, a lot of people had been sad and had confided in each other, supported each other and the heroes who saved the city. 

     Others had done just the opposite.  

     Other people were angry, and Cream had never really known why. She hadn’t understood it and had asked her mother about it but even Vanilla hadn’t been able to give much of an answer. The best she could offer was that those people just didn’t understand what had happened and that they were upset on behalf of the people who had gotten hurt, who had lost things and families. Because Robotnik was gone, they had no one else to be mad at so they had picked Sonic as a scapegoat.  

     Cream didn’t know the whole story of what had happened there in the middle of the city, once The Freedom Fighters had arrived at the scene and tried to stop the demigod. Not even Amy had told her everything, but people were saying things. They were saying that the hedgehog was dangerous, of all things. Some even thought that he was the reason everything had happened in the first place, that he was the reason Robotnik had attacked so mercilessly due to the human wanting revenge for all his past failures.

She had never believed any of it. She had known Sonic for a while, ever since she had been six, and the one thing she was certain of was that Sonic was a good person. He would have been the first person to admit that he wasn’t perfect, but Cream was always right there to remind him that he always tried to make the best out of a bad situation, tried to make things better for everyone, and that was what counted. He helped people, had always put their needs before his own, and that’s what made him a hero in her eyes and so many other’s.

     “Do you want to know I think?” A courtesy coated her voice as she looked at him, brown meeting green with a gentle smile forming beneath them and she reached out to take one of his hands. “I think people seem that way, that they might even be that way, because...you’re still a little scared and unsure yourself.”

     To that, Sonic could give no response. He didn’t want to admit that she was right but a feeling in his gut, some small voice in his mind, was leaning in that direction. Something about it must have shown on his face because it was a few moments later when the rabbit’s smile lowered a notch, and she squeezed his hand before leaning back in her seat and her next words were something he was utterly thankful for.

     “Let’s talk about something else, okay...?” The last thing Cream wanted was to ruin the hero’s day, or their time together. Luckily, she thought she had the perfect topic lined up and practically beamed as she looked at Sonic. “Did Amy tell you about school?”

     It worked and the rabbit was rewarded with a smile from Sonic, who nodded in a proud way. As to be expected by now, Amy hadn’t been able to contain her excitement or keep the fact that Cream had decided to become a wildlife veterinarian a secret for very long and had told him not long after. “She mentioned it, yeah. Can’t say I’m surprised by your pick, but ’s fitting. She also mentioned something about getting you an internship, have you started that yet?”

     “My first day will be after the holidays. Amy even offered to give me a place to stay so the commute isn’t so bad,” Cream explained, the excitement in her voice unmistakable. “I told her I don’t want to impose but even Tekno said it was okay so I think I’m going to take the offer, at least for a little while.”

     The look on the hero’s face said he thought it was a good thing, even before he nodded. “If you ask me those two could use the distraction. Tekno’s been so busy overseeing things in Grand Metropolis an’ Amy’s still adjusting to her new position at that company of hers, if it wasn’t for each other I think those two would work themselves t’ the bone.”

     If nothing else the two of them were ambitious which wasn’t a bad thing necessarily but, from his perspective on the whole thing, it didn’t seem like the pink hedgehog or canary got much time to breathe these days. Yet, at the same time, they seemed to thrive in that never-ending hustle and bustle so maybe it was simply how they preferred things. They always made time for each other and their friends so it easily could have been more unfavorable. 

     “They really are good for each other, aren’t they?” Cream’s voice cut across that thought and Sonic had to smile at the question. It had been a few months after the, literal, chaos of the last assault when the two roommates had finally come clean about their feelings for one another (something Sonic had always suspected but never actually brought up out of mutual respect). He had to admit they really were an ideal couple, not that he had expected anything less. What he hadn’t expected was the almost sly expression that took over the rabbit’s face a moment later as she looked him dead in the eye. “Kind of like you and Mina are, huh?”

     “Very clever.” Try as he did to give the other a semi-scolding look the hedgehog just couldn’t manage it and merely shook his head, his grin all too evident. Much like Amy and Tekno, he and the mongoose had a long talk about what the future was going to hold and both had agreed they were tired of beating around the bush when it came to what they were and had taken the dive. The thought was enough to bring a warmth to his chest. “But I guess I can’t argue with that one, she’s been great with everything. Still not sure how I lucked out with that one.”

     “Are you still staying with her?”

     “Mostly, but I spend a few days here and there in the village too. If I didn’t I don’t think Rosie would take well t’ it after everything that happened,” he admitted, then shrugged casually. “Plus I like keeping Kintobor company when I can.”

     Cream seemed to consider his answer, almost as if she wanted to ask about something else before settling with, “have you given any more thought about moving there? To Green Hill?”

     “Yes and no. I’d like t’ don’t get me wrong, but...the time just doesn’t feel right yet.” Sonic didn’t really know how else to put it, honestly. He had always wanted to move back to his hometown once things had settled down, dreamed of it even, but now that the option was there something was holding him back from actually doing it. He didn’t know what it was, maybe it was some fear of rejection or something to do with everything that had happened, but it was there and no matter what he did it just didn’t want to go away.

     Sonic knew, or rather hoped, it would disappear one of these days. When was anyone’s guess, but he was going to remain optimistic on that one and it seemed Cream was as well.  

     “That’s okay, you have plenty of time to think it over now, and I’m sure everything will fall into place when it’s meant to.” Again there was something about the rabbit’s smile that almost made it seem like everything was going to be okay in the end, like there was nothing to worry about. Sonic didn’t know if it was just his imagination or not, but there was no denying the conviction of the rabbit's next words. “It’s like Mama always says, you never have to force anything that’s meant to be and as long as you keep your head up, things will turn out okay.”

     Sonic couldn’t say he was surprised to hear that, knowing that Vanilla, Cream’s mother, was just as kindhearted and wise as her daughter. It was no wonder where the younger rabbit had gotten it from, yet the whole notion brought an odd peace to the hero. What was going to happen would come into fruition eventually, it was his outlook on those events that was going to make all the difference.

     In this case, just maybe, Cream’s words were ones the hero would take to heart.  

[hohoz]

The ones that suffer the most

I wanted to talk about this for a long time.

I’m a Resident evil addicted, I finished almost every RE game released and I must say that Capcom made some poor choices regarding Jill and Chris, they are EASILY the most mistreated characters in RE Franchise. 

But let’s explain why is that: 

Jill and Chris are survivors, they had to survive in a mansion with a lot of puzzles and zombies, while looking for items that could help them to progress and find a way to reach Brad. 

When they arrive at STARS Office, they are revolted that Umbrella did all that under their noses and innocents were dying because of that and they explained EVERYTHING in a report - but Irons made that go away. 

In the ORIGINAL RE3 we had this special file (Jill’s Diary) 

August 7th Two weeks have passed since that day. My wounds have been healed, but I just can't forget it. For most people, it's history now. But for me, whenever I close my eyes, it all comes back clearly. Zombies eating people's flesh and the screams of my teammates dying. No, the wounds in my heart are not healed yet...

August 13th Chris has been causing a lot of trouble recently. What's with him? He seldom talks to the other police members and is constantly irritated. The other day, he punched Elran of the Boy's Crime department just for accidentally splashing Chris's face with coffee. I immediately stopped Chris, but when he saw me he just gave me a wink and walked away. I wonder what happened to him...

August 15th Midnight. Chris, who has been on a leave of absence for a "vacation," called me so I visited his apartment. As soon as I walked into his room, he showed me a couple of pieces of paper. They were part of a virus research report entitled as simply as "G". Then Chris told me that, "The nightmare still continues." He went on to say that, "It's not over yet." Ever since that day, he has been fighting all by himself without rest, without even telling me.

August 24th Chris left the town today to go to Europe. Barry told me that he would send his family to Canada and then he would follow Chris. I decided to remain in Raccoon City for a while because I know that the research facility in this city will be very important to this entire case. In a month or so, I'll be joining with them somewhere in Europe. That's when my real battle begins...

For some weird reason this file isn’t available in RE3 Remake. 

But ok, here we see that Chris was doing some investigation - in the RE2RMK  you could see this letter that Chris left in a way that normal people wouldn't understand - the only thing that Claire says is that “doesnt look like him” but how normies would understand what Chris is like is he is not well represented in media ??????????????????

And Jill had all the detective work in her wall. 

So far so good - we understand the basics about them - they are Special police force, the elite, they had a traumatic experience and they survived to tell the story. 

Some problems until now:

Jill had a MAJOR personality change in RE3 RMK- I honestly like most of that, she is a badass in the originals and she is a badass in the rmk but I still dislike the fact that she swears all the time (specially because in RE1, RE Rev, RE5 she doesn't do that) 

We can tell a lot about her personality just looking at her room, but I still miss some stuff (I had expectations - so this is not a real problem. but still) like a Vinyl player (since she is probably into classical music), some letters from her father so new players can understand her origin and why is she so good in lockpicking and more about her dog (she had a pic in the original that could’ve been her boyfriend but it was replaced by a dog in RE2 rmk but in RE3 Rmk there in no dog) 

Okay - after you finish the game the only thing we see is this: 

In my opinion this is Chris since he is always associated with Green colors while Jill is associated with blue. 

So my speculation here is that she found him while in the original we had this: 

This is not a major chance but still is important (lore of course - duh) but the problem here is that while Jill is looking for him - Code Veronica is happening. 

So I can only assume two things, they did not show him because they DON’T HAVE A FACE FOR HIM or I am wrong and that is Jill, but if that is Jill so why there is no decent epilogue like the original ? 

Okay, now we are arriving in the real trouble area

I will do RE5 first and the Wii and Rev1 (even tho those two comes first in the lore) 

RESIDENT EVIL 5 

So before the game was release we had some propaganda, including this: 

So have in mind that Jill was dead, I thought that she died and RE5 would explain that shit. 

But in the beginning we see that Chris is looking for her and have in mind that Chris HAD A MAJOR CHANCE IN HIS APPEARANCE, and I’m not talking about his muscles. 

I will not address Chris in CV since he was good in that game but I the team that made CV also made the original, it had CONSISTENCE. 

Here we have Chris, he’s THE classical american soldier protagonist from Hollywood in the 80′s/90′s and he had some omage to TOPGUN

He also shares some traits with his sister

A major trait here is that HE HAS BLUE EYES, typical good looking soldier from US. 

and now let’s have a look at Chris in RE5...

Yeah... I still hate this face even tho I love his Character in this game, this ugly a** monkey looking mf and he had a lot of steroids

So we have some lore to him in RE5, Jill and Chris went to a mansion looking for Spencer (one of the fathers of Umbrella and the one that was behind project Wesker, he wanted to do this Virus so he could live forever, so RE has a good lore, it’s not just about zombies) but when they found him, he was dead and Wesker was by his side, in a fight Jill sacrificed herself to save Chris’s life. 

Chris started doing mission after mission because her body was never found, and he made a name for himself, he became a ‘legend’ inside BSAA and you can see that in the beginning of RE5.

The reason behind the muscles was probably to fight Wesker mano to mano but still is not well made, it really felt weird playing for the first time. 

So now we have a problem here, there is thing that you use in a narrative that is to make someone strong af powerless, and they did that to Jill. (a good example of this is in TWD- Ricky is a fucking legend and Negan made him powerless in the face of a event) 

Jill was used in a Boss fight and that is it... She is not in the game as a character, she is being manipulated and her whole design was changed, she looks like Nina from Tekken. WTF. - BTW, the fact that Wesker had mind control over her created 1000 fics of sex 

 So that is it, my main problem here isnt Jill itself, but it’s the fact that they used her character as a boss even tho she is the heroine, she never appears in RE lore again until some guy inside Capcom said “Well people are asking about Jill so let’s place a file in Rev2 saying that she is in rehab” 

The only time that she appears again is in a 3DS NINTENDO ONLY game, it felt that Capcom simply don’t care about her character. 

By the way Revelations 1 is a great game and was adaptable some years later for PC and consoles

But you think that this is bad, wait until we arrive at RESIDENT EVIL 6 

When I learned that Jill was not in RE6 I was mad... But after I played that game I said “thank you God” that game was bad, transformers kind of bad, it had bad writing, the lore was all over the place and Chris was the one that suffered the most in this game. 

He was responsible for the death of an entire squad, suffered amnesia and people still wanted him in the command 

THEY MADE HIM AN ALCOHOLIC 

The golden boy of BSAA reduced to THIS. 

By the way, the director said that HE WANTED TO KILL CHRIS IN THIS GAME to SUBVERT EXPECTATIONS - so if you liked Piers now that he died only because of that. 

So now let’s analyse what we know: 

The first 2 main characters are not well represented in media until RE6, they don’t know how to re introduce Jill in the games and Chris was reduced to a normal guy at a Russian bar;

But it gets worse... 

Capcom LOVE Leon, we know that. he is always the hero, he is the protagonist in almost every movie and he is always the cool guy so when he get’s a new model, he looks like this:

But When Chris get’s a new face he look like this: 

WHO DAFUQ ARE U, no offense to the model but he has NEGATIVE JAW LINE.

And still he doesn't look like Claire’s brother, there is no blue/green eyes and he looks younger that he was in 6 (and 6 still uses that ugly character model) 

But let’s go in the lore- we HAVE 0 info on Jill in RE6 / RE7 and no sight of her in RE8 

And speaking of which, they tried to make Chris the bad guy in the trailer so when we play we see “Ohhhh he was not the bad guy, that happened and that is why he did that” 

But still... 

If they are going to do that to his character don’t use this character, shit ! Do something with that Wesker’s son that made 0 sense in RE6 but leave Chris out of this - it really feels that they simply don’t know how to treat him right

And you may think that I may be complaining a lot because of his appearance

But this is him in RE8  

(to me this is some random dude from Russia) 

And this is him in RE:Verse (that is going to be release TOGETHER) 

So this tells me that they have 0 clue of how to handle his looks

Jill got RE3Rmk but it felt like a cheap game compared to RE2Rmk where the original RE3 was SO MUCH BETTER

And this is bad because there are so many new fans joining the fandom only to see 2 great characters suffering from poor director’s choices. 

I’m sorry about this rant, if you like Chris face and looks its okay, really, but dont tell me that Chris from 5/6/8 is the same from 1/CV and if you think im wrong about Jill its fine, but she is an amazing character that could have so much more impact in RE universe (I mean, she never even appeared in a RE movie - animations) 

But it’s sad to see so many characters that receive good representation in media and good games/lore while Jill get’s almost none and Chris is handled like random face guy. 

I was going to talk a little bit more about Rev 1 and RE Umbrella Chronicles but there is no need since Im mad right now and it seems that Capcom has 0 interest in making Code Veronica and Umbrella’s fall after that since their fav boy Leon need a rmk in RE4 even tho RE4 is not that old. 

Bonus:

Fun fact: Chris served in the Air force, so yeah, to me even Tom Cruise looks more like Chris than Chris from the games

[yasbxxgie]

The Artist’s Way: Writer-director Radha Blank ruminates on creative frustration and rejuvenation in her debut feature, The Forty-Year-Old Version

Fair warning: This interview with Radha Blank isn’t business — it’s personal. Right now, like at this very moment, Radha is being introduced to the world as the writer, director, and star of the remarkable new Netflix film The Forty-Year-Old Version. But I remember Radha in the 1990s, smashing open mics at Brooklyn Moon in N.Y.C., rocking a fitted N.Y. Yankees cap and big hoop earrings. I remember her jumping into cyphers and catching wreck (read: she can dance her ass off) at Club Kilimanjaro. I remember sitting in the audience of her play Seed in 2011 and thinking, Damn, homegirl can write. I remember witnessing the rise of her emcee alter ego and one-woman show RadhaMUSprime at Joe’s Pub in 2014 and thinking, Damn, Radha can rhyme. AND she funny AF. Because Radha was (and is) a part of a close-knit artists’ community, I also recall her hustle, the keeping-the-lights-on-while-trying-to-make-your-dreams-come-true shuffle we know so well. Radha worked as a teacher, she wrote for children’s television and for shows such as Empire and She’s Gotta Have It.

So when The Forty-Year-Old Version won the U.S. Dramatic Directing Award at Sundance earlier this year, the community rejoiced! This wasn’t just a win for Radha, it was a win for the people. Here was a film rooted in Radha’s own story, about a woman at 40; a Black artist trying to get her stories told — as a playwright and as a rapper; a daughter grieving the death of her mother. Radha told her story her way, down to shooting the streets of New York on 35mm film in black and white. The result is a whole, liberating mood. There’s even a nod to Prince’s Purple Rain.

Karen Good Marable: First of all, Radha, congratulations! The Forty-Year-Old Version is amazing. Your success feels so much like a win for Brooklyn. A win for us all. Thank you for writing it. Radha Blank: I really did make it for us — us being Black women, Black women of a certain age, Black women artists of a certain age. I didn’t think I’d be starting a whole new career in my 40s, but I think it speaks to what’s possible if you let go of other people’s ideas of where you should be in your life. If I listened to other people and gave credence to their ideas, I would not be here.

Amen. When you were younger, did you have the boxes to check, i.e., “I need to get this done by 30, I need to get this done by 40”? Were you that girl? RB:

I think I was that girl. And I always say this about aging: It’s never really about the person; it’s about other people’s perceptions that you then take on. I thought by 40, I would be married with a couple of kids, all of my work being published, theaters asking, “Can we do a revival of this play now?” I really thought once I decided to be a playwright, which was probably my mid-20s, I thought, Oh, by 40, I’m going to be set up. I will have a house. And I do have a house, but that came from Cookie and Lucious Lyon. They got me a house.

Come through, Empire. RB:

I feel like we’ve all been conditioned to think that 40 is: You’re an adult, you’re accomplished, you’re established. What me and my character share is there’s still all of these “who am I” moments, questions around identity. Especially when my mother died, I really had to figure out who I was, because so much of my life as a woman, as a person, as a Black American, as an artist, was tied to this woman. When she died, I really had no sense of myself. So I feel like my personal experience propelled me toward telling the story. We just don’t see women of that age saying, What do I do next? Am I happy? Is this enough?

Your mother — curator, visual artist, cinephile, and arts teacher Carol Blank — figures prominently in the film. She is a goddess and a guide, but she also represents a complicated lesson in what it means to be an artist. RB: Oh, listen, I feel like everything I’ve learned, I’ve learned from my mother — from my frustration as an artist to being a teaching artist for so long. That’s where I learned how to be a director, honestly. I didn’t go to film school. I did stand-up comedy and all this performance stuff, and my first example was my mother. She knew how to turn a phrase or a joke to get the kids interested, and if they weren’t, she wasn’t going to push it. I learned from her first, and I tried to match her energy.

I don’t know what my mother went through when she turned 40, as an artist. I know she was a mom of two by that time, but I gathered — especially because she was a teaching artist for so many years — that she was hustling, jumping between these different roles, trying to make sense of something for herself. In that way, I feel like the movie and my journey as an artist brought me closer to her. I was like, Oh, this is what you had to go through. And then you had two kids on top of that?

In the film, your character is also a teacher. As much as she tries to model support and positivity, sometimes the frustration seeps through. One line stayed with me: “Don’t think that because you created something, people will appreciate it.” RB:

Yeah, I have been bitter. I was able to transform that into a film; it gave me a story to tell. But I did feel that theater as an institution didn’t pay off, there wasn’t much of a dividend. I had done a play in 2011 called Seed, and everyone was like, “Girl, this is your breakout! This is your moment! This play is going on Broadway!” None of that shit happened. Theater was not responding in the same way. I was quietly devastated by it, and I think the movie is my exploration of the why. How come things didn’t happen for me? Here’s someone who has been trying for 20-something years and my biggest accomplishment was 10 years ago when I was 30. That’s why I invented the 30 Under 30 award for my character: The idea that accomplishments are amplified by one’s proximity to youth. There’s no 50 Under 50 award. Or 60 Under 60. Being young and doing something as an artist seems more of a cause for celebration. You know what I mean?

There’s also this theme of displacement that runs through the film. In addition to your protagonist feeling out of place in the classroom and in the theater community, she’s also setting a play, Harlem Ave, that deals with gentrification. RB:

So, my parents were gentrifiers in their own way in the late 60s and 70s, when they moved to the south side of Williamsburg, Brooklyn. They didn’t displace people, because what they and their artist and jazz musician comrades would do is take over dilapidated spaces that were considered unlivable — broken-down lofts and factories and storefronts — and create community. There was an investment in engaging the community that came before you, whereas now I think gentrification really is just about an opportunity for the person moving in — “Oh, look at this dope, cheap brownstone that I can get” — with no regard for what came before.

Right. RB: The same thing happens with these artistic institutions: They find a dilapidated space, they revive it and put a million dollars into it. Then when it comes to programming, the people on the stage don’t look like the people outside of the gate. They’re thinking of their silver-haired patrons, because those people can afford a $100 ticket, and that is who I feel most of the theaters cater to. So when diversity shows up on the stage, it’s a version of diversity that protects the audience from feeling bad about racism or sexism. They can still remain in a comfortable place, so they can come back next week or next month and see something for the $300 membership.

But then you brilliantly juxtapose said institutions with the battle rap in the Bronx. RB: I wanted to show these different hubs of art in New York. This film is about capturing an authentic New York experience, and so we shot that battle rap scene at a warehouse space at the tip-top of the Bronx. Art and culture are happening in these spaces that we’re not always focusing the camera on and that don’t have the multimillion-dollar renovation fund of a downtown theater. But this is theater. This is art.

Is that battle based on an actual show? RB:

Yes. Well, we recreated that. Babs Bunny, who people may recognize from Making the Band, created this brand called Queen of the Ring. If you go on YouTube, you’ll see their battle raps. I would watch them because I just needed to see women slaying shit and not being proper or polite. I just wanted to put it into a cinematic world.

Your pen is equally hard-hitting, Radha. Rhymes like “Poverty Porn” and “This Some Bullshit” do so much in revealing character, advancing the narrative. RB:

Thank you. I mean, I feel like if we’re stopping to listen to a song, it should still be about advancing the narrative. We’re still moving forward, riding on this person’s frustration, but into the next scene, next act, or what have you. I think it comes from being a playwright, making sure that everything is earned and not just thrown in there for novelty or because it’s colorful and interesting. I feel like RadhaMUSprime is probably an explosion of her consciousness, the things that she’d been suppressing.But yeah, I’m an emcee. I rhyme. The beautiful thing about the film is I didn’t have to become a professional rapper. I don’t feel like the movie is 8 Mile. I say the movie is 2 Mile,

because she’s not trying to go that far. She’s not trying to be a hip-hop star. For her, hip-hop is a meditation and it shows up in many ways, from the trap beat floating outside her window, to her freestyling in the mirror, or with the dudes in the basement cypher at Arlene’s Grocery.

In some ways, the moral and artistic struggles of The Forty-Year-Old Version remind me of Hollywood Shuffle, Robert Townsend’s 1987 classic. RB:

I appreciate that you bring up Hollywood Shuffle, because I know that because I’m Black and I’m shooting in black and white, people always make the comparison to She’s Gotta Have It. But I feel like my film calls back to Hollywood Shuffle, about a Black artist confronting the white gatekeepers on who gets to tell a Black story and how.

Exactly. And like Townsend, you wrote, directed, and starred in your own first feature film. How was that experience, and do you think you would do it again? RB:

I wouldn’t say I regret being in my film, but I think that there’s probably more of a fascination with my film because I’m in it. And I have too much respect for actors to call myself one. I don’t come from training. I don’t sit in these auditions day after day. I don’t have to endure seven callbacks for a role. I just think that when an audience is familiar with a face, it might make it easier for them to go down the line with this person. So while I don’t plan on being in another one of my films, I do plan on mining my family legacy for storytelling, and on telling stories where music is a driving force.I really want to be an auteur. I’m hoping that my stories get quieter. Very quiet, but very potent. A slow burn, but such a beautiful payoff. I want to make work like that.

Amen.

Photographs:

Radha Blank on set, t & m

Radha Blank with her fellow cast members

[jyvurentropyblog]

How To Choose a POV?

One of my writer friends asked me to write something about POV. She didn’t have a specific question, but basically asked if I might cover the different types of POVs and which ones work better in certain circumstances. 

Well, like I told her, this is going to be a VERY biased post. I am incredibly partial to third limited. I choose third limited almost every story I write. 

Let me start by explaining the different POVs. 

First Person: Uses the pronoun I 

“I went to the store.”

Second Person: Uses the pronoun You

“First you need to go to the store, get some eggs and vanilla extract.”

Second person is rare in fiction. It is most often used in non-fiction books that include instructions, or recipes, or other how-to guides. 

Every once in awhile, a writer will be really artsy-fartsy and use second person in fiction. 

Second person in fiction would look like this:

“You go to the store. You see a long line of people. You sigh and shuffle down the aisle.”

One notable example of second person in non-artsy-fartsy fiction would be the choose your own adventure books. 

Third Person: Uses third-person pronouns such as “She/He/They/Ze/etc

“Ze went to the store.”

But within third-person you have two options:

Third Limited or Third Omniscient

With third limited, readers are privy to the thoughts and feelings of only one character per chapter or scene. A story can still have multiple POVs, but within a scene or chapter, the POV remains only with one character. 

In my novel ‘Desire and Destruction’, I alternate POVs every other chapter. So it goes one chapter in Cole’s POV and one chapter in Ingrid’s POV. When we’re in a Cole chapter, we can see what Ingrid does, but not what she thinks or feels. We can not see into her head. And the reverse is true when we’re in an Ingrid chapter. 

With third omniscient, there is a god-like narrator who is looking into the minds of ALL the characters. This narrator is often somewhat detached and may look down on certain characters and praise other characters. Basically, it isn’t that deep-third that we get with third-limited. The narrator often has their own personality and way of viewing the characters. Within any scene, the narrator can relate the thoughts, feelings, or backstory of any character. 

I do not recommend third omniscient. As I covered in my last post, very few people have the skill to know when to use it AND how to pull it off effectively. Most stories are not enhanced by third omniscient. I’m not saying you should never use it, but don’t jump in and give it a whirl just because a lot of the old classics use this style. 

Remember the time period that was hard AF for third-limited also experimented with narrative style to the point that Frankenstein is told via letters by someone who has nothing to do with the story and just happened to meet Dr. Frankenstein out in the wilderness. It’s a summary of a summary. Wuthering Heights is told exclusively in conversations between the housekeeper and a tenant, neither of whom are main characters. Look.....the classics of the Romantic and Victorian era were....on some real other shit. Writing like the classics isn’t always a solid plan. 

So that’s my extreme cautioning against third omniscient. I just don’t think it adds anything to most stories and is far too likely to jar or confuse readers and come across as head-hopping. 

But third-limited on the other hand....

I ADORE third-limited. Let me explain why I like it. 

You get all the perks of first person AND all the perks of third-person. You can be somewhat detached, but you still get a front row seat to the thoughts and feelings of one character at a time. When you really pull off a nice deep-third, you’re fully immersed in the character’s inner world, but there’s still a bit of a buffer. You still aren’t writing AS the character. 

Here is a section of my book ‘Combustion’ in third-limited where I was going for deep-third. 

~The flame birthed itself at the end of the match. It danced, red and orange, against the backdrop of the still night. Rachel opened her mouth as wide as she could, until the corners of her lips were stretched as far as they would go. She made sure that her mouth was a wide, round circle. Just like the man on fire. Probably just like Mary Reeser had done. She was going to spontaneously combust. She would do it now.

And she could stop waiting for it to happen. She was never going to have to be afraid of it happening again. It was all about to be over. Rachel watched the flame slide down lower, burning away at the wood of the match. It was going to reach her hand soon, so she had to do this fast. Spontaneous Human Combustion started inside the body.

Rachel understood why the man on fire had his mouth wide open.

There wasn't any time left.

Rachel took the match and placed it into her open mouth.~

It’s in third-person, but it’s still written in a way where we can feel her fear, her confusion, her dissociation. We can see her reasoning. Of course, her reasoning is flawed. She should not be trying to make herself spontaneously combust JUST so that she can stop being afraid of it happening. 

So how do you know if you should choose third-limited or first? (because third omniscient and second person should rarely be used). Well, I’m biased, and I believe third-limited works well for most stories. 

That being said, I have chosen first person for two of my stories. One is my now shelved manuscript ‘Femcel’ which I will eventually be rewriting and it will be retitled ‘Pick Me.’ The other is my collab story with Emily Hurricane ‘When The Darkness Takes Us.’

For ‘When The Darkness Takes Us’ I had a very specific reason for choosing first person. This character is a self-insert. It’s a fictionalized account of something very difficult I went through semi-recently. 

So I suppose I’d say, when it’s a really emotional story with strong voice, first person may be a better choice. When it’s a very personal story, first person may be a better choice. When you’re writing a character who rants and raves and switches gears mid-thought-stream so quickly that a third-person narrator wouldn’t do it justice-it would only slow the stream-of-consiousness down. 

I also chose first person for my book ‘Femcel’ which is not currently online, because I need to make some changes to it. 

Here is an excerpt from ‘Femcel.’ 

~If every single day was a day off from work with Sailor Moon dvds and an entire pickle pizza all to myself, well, then I think life would be a-okay. Today has been great. I cleaned my room and then I pulled out my trusty Sailor Moon box set. Auntie and Mom-mom are both at work, so nobody to bug me about what I'm eating. I ordered a large pizza and I got the owner on the phone when the new guy didn't understand that they can put pickles on a pizza. It isn't on the menu, but they do it for me all the time.

I told him, "You charge me for a pepperoni pizza and tell the guy cooking it to put on pickles. Ask Jim. He always does it." But the guy still thought I was full of it.

Eventually they sorted it out though. And yeah, I know it's bad to eat an entire large pizza myself. Don't go thinking I'm a total pig. I only eat like this when I watch anime.

Usually I don't eat enough. Mom-mom says I'm too thin and she isn't wrong. If I lay on my stomach too long at night, my ribs start to hurt. I'm the only woman in my family with a stick body. Everybody else has nice curves. I barely have boobs and my butt is flat. I tried doing squats for awhile, but when nothing much happened, I figured it was probably all nonsense. You know? A placebo.

It's only four in the afternoon, but already it's getting dark. I hate winter. Especially once Christmas is over. I feel so upset and anxious every day in that long dead span of winter, January through March, when there's nothing to look forward to and it feels like the world just dead ass stopped. Sludge in every parking lot. Everything is cold and wet. Kek. And it's the middle of January. Top kek. (I mean that sarcastically. Obviously).~

I chose first for Ana’s story, because I imagined her as this very voicey character with this sweet and sarcastic personality. She’s also incredibly immature (which does make sense since she’s in her very early 20s) and I felt that youth and naiveté would across more strongly in first person. 

So....what’s the hard and fast rule for deciding between third-limited and first?

I....uh.... 

 I wish I could tell you lol

Like my last post about balancing dialogue with other storytelling elements, I have to say, I just play it by ear. 

I will say, I think every writer should figure out early on which POV they prefer to write in. Try them all out. Try writing the same scenes in first and third and see which one you like better. 

I did this while I was getting my B.A in Creative Writing and after several rounds of playing with third-limited and first, I discovered I’m incredibly partial to third-limited. 

That doesn’t mean there isn’t any room for first. Like I said, I realized first was the better choice for two of my WIPs. But knowing that third-limited is my default style, I always have a starting point. I start most stories in third-limited and it’s only when third-limited starts to feel....well...limiting that I give first a whirl. 

In the end, it’s about what YOU as the writer are most comfortable with. Some people say it depends on the story you want to tell, and I agree to an extent, but at the same time, if you hate writing in first person and you try to force it, the story may suffer for it. For years, I wrote exclusively in third-limited before I was comfortable enough to test out first person. 

Third-limited and first both accomplish different things. First person has more voice and immediacy, while third-person allows a writer to be more poetic and detached. 

Which POV do you like best? When you experiment with both POVs, which allows your story to come to life more?

There’s no real rule of thumb. 

Like everything with writing, it’s all a matter of intuition; following your gut and looking at every story as a unique experience. 

I know that was wishy-washy, but it’s the best I can do while still being honest!

There just aren’t any true absolutes with writing. 

Good luck fellow writers <3

[my-mind-is-a-weapon]

I'm confused by your post saying Jaskier is there for the female gaze while implying Geralt isn't. Geralt is the most sexualized character on the show. Whose gaze are they trying to appeal to with all the zoom ins on his ass, his topless scenes, and the soft and hesitant way he lets his partners take the lead in love scenes? He wouldn't be out of place in a romance novel. He even looks like he escaped off the cover of one.

Henry Cavill is a very attractive man yes and he is the main character and I like Geralt's character a lot and that's what it's expected. He is insanely classically handsome in black leather pants. Of course he is hot. In the post I literally said "he is a whole snack"He is the epitomy of masculinity and the whole men are strong and dont have feelings (although we all know he does) and they kill monsters which is cool and it is the classic archetype of the Strongman Hotguy. He is objectively attractive but also what men think is the epitome of an attractive man when they are writing an attractive man.

Jaskier on the other hand is a soft emotional romantic guy with delicate features and a great singing voice and sense of fashion who is respectful and towards the object of his affection. He is not what most other (straight) men would consider as a goal of being attractive man. . He is not what we are used to seing as the type of man that get's all the ladies usually it would be Geralt's type because, as you said he looks like a romance book cover.

And yet women go absolutely nuts for Jaskier not only in the plot but us the actual fans whatching this. Me personally I prefer Jaskier to Geralt and I see a lot of other fans saying the same thing. That doesnt mean Geralt is not attractive but it's looking at what is attractive from a different lense. And I called that lense the female gaze because it's not something that most men would think is attractive. but it actually is for a lot of women.

Another example that comes to mind is Yennefer and Queen Calanthe.

Yennefer is a very attractive classically beautiful young woman who spends a lot of time in sexy dresses and with her titties out. Still very attractive in the usual an objectified way. As a bisexual woman I appriciate it in the way I appriciate Geralt being hot. In an objective detached way.

Calanthe, on the other an older woman for hollywood standards walking in in full plate armor covered in blood and later swinging a two handed sword and heading into war is honestly one of the most attractive characters I have ever seen in a medieval type setting as a wlw.

I think in the year of our lord 2020 we can stop pretending that "equality" simply means substitution of the objectified woman with an objectified man and calling that the progressive "female gaze"

Sometimes finding someone attractive doesn't mean objectifying and sexualizing them and that is what I chose to call it the female gaze in this scenario because it's something that contrasts with the usual ideals of masculinity and attractiveness that we see in every man made self jerk off action movie ever made.

Just as a note: Geralt being a decent person and having a lot of good qualities does not mean he is not the archetype of Strongman Hotguy (we are all expected to find automatically attractive) the same way as Jaskier being a "ladies man" in the series with a lot of women willing to sleep with him does not mean he is not the archetype of the Sidekick ComicRelief. (we are expected to laugh at)

Again. Henry Cavill is very very hot. Geralt is sexy af. Very muscles. Nice ass. Soft insecure boy who wants to be loved deep down. am not saying he is not or that he is a bad character I love him. I was simply drawing attention also to Jaskier being a completely different and unusual manifestation of male desirability that is a lot of women's cup of tea but we very rarely see portrayed as such.

I think the show did a very good job balancing both their tropes and their characters honestly like your point is completely valid about geralt being a sweetheart deep down and that is what a lot of us want when we read romance books.But we do see it sometimes in various forms in various characaters in series and books and tv shows. It's the classic Dark brooding guy with the heart of Gold. We love that trope we are here for it 100%. It's just that jaskier's version was more unexpected me and that's why I drew attention to it in that post.

Sorry for using very broad terms when talking about gender and sexuality I am talking in terms of what it is usually marketed as and english is not my first language. Please be aware I do not assume that all women = cis straight women with a communal hivemind and same for men. I am talking in broad terms please feel free to add any clarifications.

Sorry for the long post I was trying to turn the absolute clusterfuck of stray thoughts in my head into a somewhat comprehensive text lol.

[where-fading-princesses-live]

double standards

So I was watching this very interesting video last night...  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Di_R6Md-L80

And around 6:43, he talks about the classic Mary Sue trope and how, if you have a male character in a work of fiction who is presented as equally perfect and free of flaw (in other words, a Gary Stu), the criticism is less harsh towards him, or in some cases, nearly nonexistent. Some might even say he's a total bad-ass and how dare you find fault in someone so impossibly cool? But if they're female? Good god, it's bad writing and anti-feminist. People seem to be generally way more accepting of male archetypes who fall under this trope than the likes of their female counterparts, hence double standards. You see this all the time in action flicks for instance. Arnold Schwarzenegger films, anyone? James Bond whomst??? But suddenly you have Rey who's arguably not better or worse than the likes of those characters, and yet, the general opinion of her is... kind of unfair. Understandable, nonetheless... I'm not a fan of her either but at the same time, I don't think we should judge her harsher than male characters who have similar treatments. Male characters like that shouldn't be excused. I'm not saying Stus are NEVER pointed out or criticized, but this guy does have a point. There seems to be a much more airtight scrutiny surrounding female characters of this nature and it might be due to internalized misogyny or ''something something quantum quantum...'' Granted, I don't think Stus/Sues should be a widely accepted overused theme regardless, and that should be blamed on poor writing rather than sexism. Whether male, female, both, neither and everything in-between, characters need to be well-written, well-developed, believable and nuanced and blah blah blah. I'm not really here to talk about that. What I want to point out is double standards. And yes, this is sexism.

Take Rick and Morty for example. I'm not going to get too deep into it, but the fandom seems to praise the shit out of Rick who can easily be labelled a Stu because as we're constantly reminded, he's supposedly the ''smartest man in the universe''. Now, when you create a character who is a self-professed genius and placed on a pedestal by the writers, it can definitely come off Stu-ish. It's not that Rick unrealistically lacks flaws... no, this man is LOADED with flaws, but the fact that he's a literal badass who can get out of almost any sticky situation... well, like I said, there's more to his character than that and I'm not going to get into it, but Rick rarely, if ever, fails. Sometimes there's moments of vulnerability and the fact that he keeps trying to change but just slips back into his old ways, that makes him much more 3-dimensional than a Stu... but you know, despite his narcissism, his sarcasm, his alcoholism and mistreatment of his family and his incapability of maintaining healthy long-term relationships, he still has a limitless ability to create, a superior intelligence level even when compared to higher lifeforms on other planets, enabling him to outsmart entire government organizations and civilizations spanning galaxies, well... you can see where I'm going with this. There's no person on this planet like that who exists irl, even among the smartest of history's greatest men. Yes, it's a cartoon, it's meant to be far-fetched. Yes, it's sci-fi so we're expected to suspend our disbelief. Yes, there's a reason for it. Yes, it drives the core of the story. But even if there's times where it seems Rick will definitely fail, he never truly has an ALL IS LOST MOMENT because the writers conveniently write him out of most of his troubles, because the series has to keep going (obviously). Basically, I never feel a real sense of danger when Rick is in trouble because I know he'll get out alive (if not, there's infinite amount of Ricks and infinite amount of realities to replace him-- not to mention he can replace his family members as many times as he fucks up which became the show's laziest overused point in my opinion). Rick's not a bad character. Far from it. That's not what bothers me.

What bothers me is his daughter, Beth. Okay, no, she doesn't specifically bother me. The way the fandom sees her bothers me. Now Beth is undoubtedly cut from the same cloth. You know what they say, like father like daughter. And yet... the fandom fails to recognize her as a potentially great character, just as equally flawed and brilliant minded as Rick. She's a genius horse surgeon in a failing marriage. (I will go out on a limb and say she's more well written than Rick *ducks from flying tomatoes*.) I mean, her story is literally almost the same as her father's, her flaws are just as realistic--in fact, she's probably more realistic because she's not the ''smartest so and so of the godforsaken universe'' which is just as bad as annoyingly cringey The Chosen One trope. She's just Beth. A terribly smart woman with abandonment issues and trust issues and all other kinds of issues, but you can't blame her given her upbringing. By no means perfect or good at everything she does. Or loved (or hated) by everyone or hailed a genius by the entire flipping universe. You can't even call her a Sue. Yet some of the fandom chooses to label her a b*tch for whatever reason... even though her characterization is near identical to D*ck, er I mean Rick (e.g. she drinks just as much when she hits an all time low). She's just as awful with just as many fuck ups yet she's more sympathetic due to the way Rick raised her (or didn't raise her)... yet there's a double standard because somehow, because she's a female, she's a worse character than Rick, who's a male and apparently awesome (brownie points because he's one of the the two titular characters so you *can't* hate him, it's against the law). If Beth were Rick's son instead of his daughter, I wonder if the general opinion would be the same or not. If Rick were a woman.... he would be Rey, now would he? Don't deny it.

Then there's Ed Edd n' Eddy. As much as I love praising the hell out of this show, I also like to crap on it. There's no shame in pointing out flaws in your faves. But this isn't so much the flaw in the actual show and the actual writing, but again, I'm taking a jab at the fandom and how they perceive male characters v. female characters.

Sarah. Sarah is almost exactly like the female Eddy. She's little and bratty and loud af. She's probably the most hated character on the show (even Jimmy and Kevin are more liked than she is). I used to not like Sarah either but I never really asked myself WHY. When I compared her to Eddy, I realized that they're literally, almost the same character and I have no real reason to hate her (yeah yeah a lot of the cul-de-sac kids share eerily similar traits to the Eds and it was no accident; it makes you wonder why the kids hate the Eds so much if they ostracize them for the very same quirks they have, and it's not just the scams--it's because kids at this age are terribly insecure about themselves and tend to make fun of more vulnerable others who share their flaws to make themselves feel better. I was bullied in middle school for acne by... wait for it.... kids who had acne. GASP. Imagine that. So my point is, we often despise traits in others we despise in ourselves, not to mention we don't perceive ourselves the way others perceive us, hence, the Looking Glass Self theory. Basically, EEnE is deeper than it appears on the surface, and I've analyzed this before during those EEnE Appreciation Month things, so I won't bother repeating myself, but that's the basic idea in a nutshell.)

Ahem, before I get off on a further tangent, let me reiterate my main point. Sarah IS Eddy. No, not really, but yes, kinda really. Her voice can be irritating and grates on your nerves at times, she's bossy and controlling of her friends (I honestly love her friendship with Jimmy, and how they both defy stereotypical gender norms, and how protective she is of him, but there's times where she pushes his buttons), and though she doesn't hold Jimmy back from finding his own independence apart from her the way Eddy sometimes does to Ed and Edd who he treats them more as cronies in the first season (for instance, Sarah doesn't raise objection to Jimmy joining the Urban Rangers and finding his own identity and making other friends besides her, I mean they don't have to be glued to the hip and she damn well knows that), and yet... the way she treats Ed... well... even if Eddy stands up for Ed against Sarah and grows increasingly annoyed with the way she walks all over him... Eddy ain't much better, pumpkins. DON'T ACT LIKE HE'S BETTER THAN HER. Sure, male characters *always* get excused for this kind of behavior, but if it's a girl, she's automatically a mega beyotch with no redeeming qualities. If she's a b, he's a b, and they both have potential to redeem their flaws.  They should be treated equally.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE Eddy. He's one of my favorite characters. OPE. And there's the tea.

Most people LOVE Eddy (not everybody, and if you don't, that's fine; you don't even have to like Sarah, but I have a case). Despite the fact that he's bossy, sarcastic, rude, selfish, self-absorbed, over confident, flamboyant, vain, screams with a voice that makes your ears bleed.... well, gee, didn't I just describe Sarah? Sarah loves make-up clothes and hair just as much as Eddy loves speedos and deodorant and cheap shampoo and dressing to the nines for Jonny's Arbor Day Party. Hell, Sarah had a complete meltdown because she lost her freakin' earring! Eddy flipped the fuck out when Ed lost his porno mags. THEY'RE. THE. SAME. FUCKING. PERSON. (and it's why they butt heads but that's a topic for another day, because you know, you can't fight fire with fire... you can argue the same for Eddy and Kevin)

Yet, the fandom HATES Sarah and LOVES Eddy. Probably not cuz she's female, but aside from the Kankers, the girls (and Jimmy, poor Jimmy) seem to receive harsher judgment towards them as characters by fans, even if they have similar traits to the boys. I'm sure it's because Sarah isn't as well written or developed a character as Eddy (who's a main cast member, actually the driving force of the show, the primary lead) BUT that's not to say Sarah doesn't have her moments of vulnerability or moments of total bad-assery that makes her.... well... interesting  if given the chance. (In BPS, she beats the living shit out of the Kankers and devises a plan for her and Jimmy to escape their enslavement, one of my all-time favorite scenes in the entire movie; not to mention she beats the crap out of EVERYONE on the show and it's usually, not always, well-deserved but it's entertaining nonetheless: cat fights with Nazz, even beating up Rolf who's twice her size, etc.). The fact that everyone is afraid of this little girl??? (maybe except Kevin). I mean, this chick is fearless, and yet, she still has moments of weakness. That's 3-dimensional if you ask me. She's more than just the bratty little sister. I didn't used to like her, but after studying her more, I've come to appreciate her. There's nothing about her that makes her an inherently ''bad'' female character. She plays a role, as do they all, and she plays the role perfectly.

Last but not least: Nazz. Everyone's favorite (I'm kidding). I don't know if the fandom hates Sarah or Nazz more. I can understand the hate towards Sarah, but Nazz seems even less just. Nazz is like one of the nicest people on the show and never really does anything to warrant the hate (until the infamous flanderized Season 5-- don't judge me, I love S5 regardless)... but even then she's still nice, if a bit artificially so. I mean, she becomes a bit of a Mean Girl (they all kinda do; it must be how the clique school environment changes a person), but she still goes out of her way to be inclusive towards everyone (even if she can be spotted in the background laughing at the Eds along with the others at times, but they're ALL guilty of this... ya'll out here lovin' on Rolf or Jonny or whatever, and pretending like they're saints, but they laugh at our precious Ed boys too. Also, precious Ed boys are not complete angels either and sometimes they need a good ass whooping or two. I mean, they're just kids. Kids are assholes). She's not a bad person though; she roots for all the contestants during the Spelling Bee. She personally appoints Ed to be the mascot of the football team. I can go on and on. She's just nice. Maybe that's why fans hate her. Because nice is boring. Nice is... personality-less. I don't think Nazz has as much eccentricity as the other characters, obviously, but she, too, has her moments (she yodels, for starters). She's not entirely lacking in personality. Sure, she may have as much personality as a board of wood (actually, I take that back, Plank has MORE personality than her XD) buuuut.... Idk, I like Nazz. I didn't at first either. But even if it irks me a bit that she's reduced down to the unattainable love interest and not much else, she, too, isn't an inherently ''bad'' female character. She has the least development of all the cast members, but she fills her role effectively. Without her, the show would feel like it's missing something. Even if she doesn't appear as often.

What bothers me the most is that she plays the same part as Kevin, only female. Kevin's the quintessential jock/bully popular leader of the kids, the King of the Cul-de-sac if you will (self-appointed or otherwise, just don't tell Eddy I told you). Nazz is like his Homecoming Queen, even if they're not an official couple (they spend the whole series as a ''will they or won't they Ross and Rachel'') and though not the leader of the kids collectively, she does sometimes lead the girls (or really, Sarah and Jimmy), while Kevin leads the boys (Jonny and Rolf, excluding the Eds). AND YET Kevin, though sometimes hated by fans, isn't nearly *as* hated as Nazz. Yet, he has as much personality as her (sorry, I love you, Kev). I mean, THEY'RE. ALMOST. THE. SAME. CHARACTER. Good looking, sporty, popular... He's also the least developed character of the male cast. Plank has more development than him and that's kinda sad... y'know... getting beat by a board of wood. (But Plank comes alive through Jonny, so basically Jonny is split into two separate characters; Plank reveals aspects of Jonny that he won't reveal to us, and vice versa. I can talk about Jonny all day, but let's not, because this is about Nazz.) I mean, again, Nazz and Kevin both have their moments of vulnerability and it's not like they're NEVER interesting; I beg to differ. Kevin, anyway, has two great episodes that revolve directly around his insecurities and anxieties and deep-seated fears, some deep shit I wish we got to see with Nazz. But instead we got BPS and it was hands-down the best character development we ever saw from her in the entire show's run. It's sad it had to be the end, because if they gave us more BPS Nazz throughout the series, she would have been a well rounded 3-d character.

Nazz is angry AF in BPS and I live for angry Nazz. We can kind of feel for her here because Kevin is such a dunce. She's finally reciprocating his feelings and he decides to turn the other way.... for his goddamn inanimate bike. It's something Jonny would do, but Kev always loved that bike... I guess more than Nazz, and it's one of the greatest love triangles ever. Phantom of the Opera don't interact. Ahem. My point is, Nazz finally displays more personality here-- like actual fucking emotion beyond just being nice and pretty (sure, we've seen her get angry sometimes, or freaked out other times, but never like this). Buuuuuut the fandom sees otherwise. They hated Nazz even MORE after this, despite that.... the male characters in BPS, like Rolf who punches through a tree and Edd and Eddy who go at it all piss and vinegar in an actual fist fight, are angry fucking men, and they're allowed to be angry and not Nazz because...? They have more testosterone and she doesn't? Because penises are more justified than vaginas? Oops, no, sorry, women can only be angry when they're on their periods, my bad. I mean, everybody's out in this freezing cold swamp, having a break down, at their wit's end, reaching their ''all is lost'' moment... yet, Rolf and the Eds are allowed to vent their frustrations on each other or on the surrounding environment. But not Nazz. No, Nazz is being a b*tch because.... Kevin's paying more attention to a non-living machine than to her. And he sat flat on his skinny ass and didn't help her when she needed him the most. And she didn't have to tag along with him but she did. She didn't have to put up with his cold aloofness but she did. And even if she was trying to catch his attention and flirt with him at inappropriate times she wasn't entirely useless. It was HER idea to find Eddy's brother. If she hadn't suggested it, he'd still be riding around in circles chasing his shadow. Yeah, okay, she's a total b*tch.

God forbid women have emotions. God forbid women cry or get frustrated. Then they're b*tches. But if they're pretty and nice and perfect and popular, they're Sues. Yet, male characters with the same traits.... get lighter sentences. No one even bats an eye. Boys will be boys am I right?

I can go on but yeah, don't say double standards are total BS. In this essay I will

[bereaving]

You definitely don't need to apologize for that 😆 I do that too...

For me it's different cause I love the horror genre. Like not this random, boring clichee sort of horror but this really subtle and deep horror like in Hill House. I'm a huge fan of it. For me it wasn't really important what's it about, I just wanted to continue this anthology.  

A lot of people say that honestly 🤔 it's different when you watch Bly first and then Hill House. But they both have a lot of similarities and I love that. 

She is! And it's for sure that most of the time where people were going through a traumatic childhood, they turned out to be assholes. Like we have an example right next to Jamie on the same show - Peter. He went through that as a kid and he turned out to be abusive and toxic, mostly. So it's great to see that there's a different way to go with that or to deal with everything Jamie had to deal with as a kid and how she turned out to be as an adult.  

So yeah that's really nice to see that people aren't the way you first think they are by how they act, you just need to get to know them and we did after her fantastic speech. I can't tell you how often I watched that because its one of my favorite scenes in the whole season. She definitely is one of the most important characters on the show. It's also a beautiful reference to how a flower needs it time to bloom and so do people, like you said. 

I mean she's definitely holding herself back a bit, and she tries to wrap her flirting and overall conversations with Dani up with humor. I think that's a great way of showing someone you really care about them without being too forward. So yeah I agree with you on that she would make a move if she'd be completely sure that's it okay for Dani too. But she would definitely do it in a Jamie - like - way 😂 like acting all cool and being funny yk 

Dani is bold af 😆 like she has shown us that so many times and it is refreshing to see. Cause if I'm being honest I didn't think of her that way when I first saw her. I thought she's cute and all but when I first got to know her backstory a bit I immediately changed my mind. Also the scene she had with Henry at the bar was bold af, I'd  have never done that for sure 😅

And then everything that happens around her at Bly and with Jamie, no doubt at all. 

Haha I had to laugh when Jamie said "who the hell knew" 😂 that was awesome and also gave Dani a feeling of relief. That was the first time she expressed her feelings, her real feelings, to someone she likes so much and no one blamed her for that.

I guess you can see it both ways. I hated how they decided to end it, like they just gave us all and then in the end they took it all away 😪 just seeing how Dani sacrificed herself and then no one even remembered her and she just has no choice but going to Bly again and die there, it was so hard to watch and to accept. And there's Jamie,  alone, with just the memories of Dani and she keeps waiting for her to return till the end... that's just heartbreaking and I need to hold back myself from crying every time I even think about it. 

It is a masterpiece, no doubt, but I just wish they would let them finally be happy for the rest of their days.

Yeah that's the thing when you watch Bly first I guess 😅 I knew Victoria will be in season 2, too. So I wasn't as surprised about it, but the fact that she played Nell just makes it change a bit. She nails playing those characters with real struggles and she brings them to life in a way I've never seen anybody do it 💯 her microexpressions are so spot on, like I don't even know what to say about it. These two characters are stucked in my head too. Dani a bit more than Nell but that's just because it's so long ago when I watched Hill House. 

I mean definitely! I hope Amelia stays on the horror path that would be great for me 😂 also same here, I won't watch YOU I don't know why but it's probably the show in general seems to be not really my thing 😕 unfortunately I have to say...cause i don't get to see Victoria

I really hope they bring them both back to The Haunting Series, I'd love to see Amelia back there and Victoria too 👌 but I guess we have to wait a long time for that 

We goin’ under the cut again because this one is also long, my friend haha

A horror two-timer such as myself really doesn’t have any other opinion other than the ones I’ve seen: Bly is and feels more gothic, whereas Hill House is more... I guess classically horror. They are both fantastic, and tbh I had no idea this is what horror does. I’d never looked into horror as a way of expanding the story, and Mike and his team had done that beautifully with The Haunting. Hours after I’d published the ask it occurred to me that the answer was so engrossed with Dani and Jamie that I’d completely forgotten to write about Peter lol whoops. He and Jamie are really two opposites of the spectrum. And in episode 7, I get that the whole deal for that is to get a better insight into his background, and what shapes him and what made him the way that he is. I enjoyed it as a casual watcher, and I liked OJC’s portrayal of him, but to be completely honest, I left that episode with very little added empathy for him. I’ve seen people like him enough both in real life and in fictional portrayals. I know what it’s like to be in the presence of people like him, and it is not in any way pleasant. So yeah, Peter, as this post so eloquently put it, can choke.

Jamie on the other hand... 🥰 Have I mentioned I love her? Lemme just say it again, just because.

Re: “I’m so glad you stayed” scene: That whole tracking shot... ugh, it just gives me goosebumps. I have seen it more than once and every time I need the scene for GIFs or anything, I’d always watch from the moment Owen’s car drives away. These two smol wives own my heart and my soul, and I love them a lot a lot.

Re: the ending Completely understand where you’re coming from, and it’s not something that I can casually think about or even try to sit with without some sort of mental preparation -- like taking a deep breath before you go for a deep dive. It still hurts, I still get sad and cry about the way their story had to end. But, that being said, to me it doesn’t feel like a disservice to their journey. It wasn’t done just for the sake of dramatization, or to show any kind of... hidden morality message, or anything like that. There’s no agenda to the story, is maybe a more succinct way of putting it. Just like any other couples we would see on screen, it treats them with respect. I think we all wish, deep down inside, that they would be able to shake off The Lady and live their best lives, but... I don’t know. Personally, I don’t think it would’ve stayed or created this big of an impact if they were to just ride off into the sunset together. 

Another thing to add is how good Bly is at exaggerating and amplifying aspects of real life and making it to be an element of the story. Some people forget you, some people will always wait for you and want to be with you. Some things, you do without thinking and it becomes a habit. Sometimes you lose yourself. Sometimes you’re stuck in circumstances or places you don’t really want to be in, but have to due to obligations and responsibilities. Some places really do have a pull of their own. Sometimes people love wrong, and it consumes you. Sometimes people love right, and it saves you. Maybe that’s just me and my takeaway from it, though. Last time I said Bly has changed the course of my 2020, and by that I mean that it’s taught me to have feelings again, to re-examine things, to care. And I just... love this series. Sadness and all.

MOVING ON 😆 I bow to Victoria. Ari ( @camhowes ) was the one who encouraged me to watch Bly in the first place, and so naturally once I started Hill House I messaged her and said, “I can’t believe Dani and Nell are played by THE SAME ACTRESS???????????” My freak out over her is not over yet, and I am begging anyone to let her be in all the things. I’ll fucking watch it (again... other than You) The way Nell breaks my heart... One of my friends who’s been a long Hill House champ has repeatedly said to me that Theo is the most fascinating sibling, and while I agree to a certain extent... Nell has my heart.

When it comes to Netflix’s You... to be completely blunt, a story that is pitched as “stalker man show, he kills people” is just not gonna appeal to me in general. No offense to anyone but there are just too many men I do not give a squat about. I don’t know if my resolve with this show will change. There’s been a couple sets of Love Quinn that I’ve seen (when she goes to the market in a beanie, or when she’s cooking and baking and drinking wine, or when she apparently went full on revenge baking mode) that are intriguing and is chipping away at my resolve, but... yeah, for the moment, I’m staying away from that series.

And I’m just gonna put a thought out into the universe, that if Miss Amelia Eve is hiring anyone to help her with her dog-walking business, I am available and can start ASAP.

[jeongyunhoed]

the rest of my answers under the cut hehet

Get to Know Me Uncomfortably Well (kpop edition)

Do you have any irl friends that like kpop?

Yeah! Almost all my irl friends like kpop. 

How old were you when you first got into kpop?

I was 18. 

What song(s) took you a while to warm up to?

SuperM’s Jopping for sure, SNSD’s I Got a Boy too. Both songs took me a while to jam to them. 

Have you ever disliked a group/idol? If so, why? (You don’t have to say who it is if you’re scared of getting hate).

Oh yeah. There are a few idols that I get really shady vibes from? Mostly because they do seem fake / unrelatable whatsoever / act all superior than everybody else. 

What do you love the most about kpop?

I love the makeup, and I love the creative concepts aside from the songs and how the idols experiment with genres and musical styles. 

Do you only listen to kpop?

No. I do listen to a lot of indie/alternative stuff, half of which are from OSTs. I do owe my love for indie/alternative music to my high school classmates - my lab partner has epic musical taste and is creative AF.

Who are you favorite western artists (if you have any)?

Arctic Monkeys, The Kills, The Kinks, Franz Ferdinand, Stars, The Strokes, Bloc Party, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Neon Trees. That’s... all I can think of so far. 

How long have you been into kpop?

By September this year, lets just say I’ve been in kpop for a looooong time. 2nd-gen fan over here!

What music did you used to listen to before getting into kpop?

Indie/alternative. I also listened to a lot of the local music. 

What fandom(s) were you in before getting into kpop? Are you still in them?

Ooh! I am still quite a Potterhead for sure. Gossip Girl too - I wrote fics on both fandoms... which are in fanfiction . net. Twilight too? sorta kinda. I’m not into Gossip Girl or Twilight anymore. 

Which group did you used to think was overrated but ended up loving?

I... don’t think I can answer that. hehehet. 

Is there a kpop song that annoys you? If so, which one?

Usually the overly cutesy songs annoy me, I can’t really specify but yeah, the overly cutesy songs where the singers kind of have to sing/rap in that cutesy voice just ugh, no. 

What aspects of kpop make you cringe/feel secondhand embarrassment?

Again, the overly cute songs/concepts that seem to cater to dirty older people... Even more if the choreography matches that. UGH. 

Which concepts do you love?

I am a sucker for supernatural / fantasy concepts or movie-inspired ones. Futuristic ones too. 2NE1 and f(x)’s street styles are also A+ for me. VIXX’s concepts from vampires to zombies to androids is hella cool (they’re the standard tbh). EXO’s aliens with superpowers concept is amazing af too. Groups that also show mature concepts as they get older is also A+ for me. 

Which concepts do you hate?

I really don’t like again, the overly cutesy concepts. There’s a level of sexy that I just don’t like either. Those are skips for me. 

What do you look for in a bias?

Ooh, looking at my biases, I usually go for vocalists for some reason. Minhyun’s a vocalist, Yunho’s a vocalist, Jaehyun’s a vocalist, Woong is a vocalist. Leo is a vocalist. 

Which kpop company do you hate the most?

Probably right now, I can only think of YG. YG himself has this god complex over his artists - YGTB was one whole-ass example of him demonstrating that rules don’t apply to him. Also, YG disbanded 2NE1 and threw Bom under the bus. Like nah, you can’t do that to my queens/role models. 

What are you opinions on shipping?

Like before I was like “yessss i ship this one and this one and this one” but then now I just think it’s okay as long as fans don’t take it too far and make such a big deal out of it. Like yeah, we know they’re good friends, you don’t need to sexualize everything they do/every interaction they have.  

How did you get into kpop?

Funny story! I was crying in college because the guy I liked said I wasn’t his type. It also happened to be the birthday of a friend of mine. When I got home, i remembered one of my high school friends telling me to listen to Sorry Sorry and I got hooked ever since. 

Has anyone ever made fun of you or looked at you weird for liking kpop?

No, not really. I gave them the stinkeye if they did. 

What is the cringiest thing you did when you were starting to get into kpop?

AH. Too many to mention. 

How long does it take you to learn the names of each member in a group?

It took me days to learn Super Junior. But I don’t think I really count? But I know it just usually takes me days to learn names of members in a group. 

Are you a gg, bg, or middle/coed stan?

Mostly boy groups. 

I only listen to 2 girl groups - 2NE1 and f(x) but I only anticipate their music, nothing more than that tbh. 

If you could hang out with one idol, who would you hang out with?

Jaehyun (NCT). We’d totally spend the day listening to his records and binge classic movies. Either him or Seonghwa tbh. 

Who is the bias to your third favorite group?

Third favorite group? Minhyun. or Jaehyun (NCT). Both NUEST and NCT are tied. 

What name from your native language would you give your ult bias?

Nothing has crossed my mind. HAHAHA 

Thought on fanfiction/AUs/etc?

I write fanfiction, I write AUs. I’m honestly not into member X member fics unless it’s platonic. As for smut, as long as it’s not too detailed and some details are left to the imagination then I’m good with it. I’m very picky with certain aus tho (mafia) but i don’t like werewolf aus / too much bad boy! member. 

[hatari-translations]

hello I was wondering if you could translate a Matthías' discussion with Lýsa – Rokkhátíð samtalsins on the video shown on Facebook? It won't let me post the link in this ask but it was on their facebook page 06/09/19 and it's 32 minutes long. Takk fyrir :)

Wow, I managed to find one video and do that one only to then realize that one was only 27 minutes and the 32-minute one you were actually pointing to was a continuation of the same panel. Well, otherwise I might have blanched at the idea of watching an entire hour-long panel discussion, but apparently I did.

I’m not translating the whole panel because I would die, but I’ll do all of Matthías’s bits plus any relevant context. This is a panel discussion titled “Couch talk: Does art reflect society?”; as that implies, mostly they’re discussing the nature of art, but Hatari also comes up.

(Incidentally, this panel is where that video from Twitter I made a best effort to translate the other day was from! So if you wanted to know the actual context there, it’s here.)

The speakers on the panel, as introduced at the start, are:

- Matthías Tryggvi Haraldsson, “musician, multimedia artist, author, journalist, but mainly I think he’s a playwright”- Jón Gnarr, “author and comedian, actually also a playwright” (also known as the singer of the Spillingadans sketch)- Lóa Hjálmtýsdóttir, “comic artist and musician”- Harpa Þórsdóttir, “museum director of the National Gallery of Iceland”

The first of the two videos is here.

The first question is just what comes to mind when you contemplate the question of whether art reflects society. On this, Matthías says:

Einmitt. Ég held að það séu ekkert nema þversagnir sem komi upp úr því að kryfja þessa spurningu, út af því að ég er sjálfur svo oft í mótsögn við sjálfan mig, þegar ég fer að velta þessu fyrir mér. Ég held að óhjákvæmilega þá erum við í samtali og einhverskonar sambandi við samtímann, en ég myndi samt aldrei gera þá kröfu til listarinnar að hún þurfi að réttlæta sig með pólitík eða samtali eða því að vera að ávarpa nútímann. Ég held það sé algengur misskilningur í garð listarinnar að hún innihaldi upplýsingar eða skoðanir, eða sé með einhverjum hætti bókstafleg, og ég held hún geri það… hún getur gert það, vissulega, hún getur gert svo margt, en þarf alls ekki að gera það, og gerir það sjaldnar en maður kannski heldur. Hún inniheldur ekki endilega upplýsingar eða merkingu, hún inniber eitthvað… annan skilning eða skynjun líka. Þannig að ég bara, ég veit það ekki, sko. Ég er alveg gáttaður gagnvart þessari spurningu.

Translation:

Right. I think all you’ll get from dissecting this question is paradoxes, because I myself so often just start to contradict myself when I start to think about this. I think inevitably we are in a dialogue with, and some kind of relationship to, modern society, but I’d still never demand art justify itself with politics or a dialogue or addressing the modern day. I think there’s a common misunderstanding of art that it contains information or opinions, or is somehow literal, and I think it… it can do that, of course, it can do so many things, but it doesn’t have to, and it does that less often than you might think. It’s not necessarily informational or meaningful, it can incorporate some… some other understanding or perception. So I just, I don’t know. I’m speechless before this question.

Jón Gnarr says he dabbled in surrealism, and that he’s since then been accused of doing surrealistic comedy. Matthías cuts in with “Accused of.”

The host mentions that the three of them on the sofa, the artists, all use multiple very different tools in their art and are working in different media. Matthías says “Classic Iceland.” She adds, “You’re multitalented artists.” She asks what’s the best tool for doing this sort of social commentary in art, and starts with Matthías because Hatari’s Eurovision act is still very fresh in all of our memories (Matthías does an awkward little fist pump). She asks if we are to conclude music or performance art is the best medium for political commentary. Matthías responds:

Skilvirk tól til að ávarpa samtímann eru kannski tól sem ná til margra, og það var mikill munur til dæmis á Eurovision og fleiri sýningum sem ég hef staðið að, að allt í einu er áhorfendafjöldinn talinn í einhverjum milljónum sjónvarpsskjám Evrópu en ekki þessum tugum eða kannski hundruðum sem manni tekst að selja leikhúsmiða. Þannig að ef maður er bara að tala um að ná til, þá vissulega var það nýjung, og kannski tónlistin geti náð þeim - ég veit ekki hvort það sé hæðum eða þeirri útbreiðslu á, er rosa “mainstream” - getur verið það. Sem er rosa - það er rosa mikið vald í því, rosa mikill kraftur, og þar af leiðandi rosa mikil ábyrgð líka. En listrænt séð, valdamesta tólið er alltaf bara það sem ljá sköpuninni farveg, og það er bara ólíkt milli allra sem spreyta sig, held ég. Þannig að mér finnst leikritun og Eurovision bara jafnkraftmikil þannig, það fer bara eftir hugmyndinni og hvert hún fer. Og mér fannst svo sem gott að nefna þennan vinkil, eða hvað það var, samtímann, pólitík, listamenn - maður veit ekki hvar maður flækist í þetta, en maður er það óhjákvæmilega, og við höfðum ekki hugmynd um að umsókn okkar í Eurovision myndi spírala á þann hátt sem hún gerði. Þannig að mér finnst mjög gott að nefna þetta samtal við samtímann hringiðu, og maður veit ekki alltaf hvert hún fer.

Translation:

Efficient tools for speaking to the modern day are perhaps tools that can reach a lot of people. There was a big difference between for example Eurovision and other shows that I’ve organized, how suddenly the audience numbers in the millions of TV screens in Europe instead of the dozens or maybe hundreds that you can sell a theater ticket to. So if you’re just talking about reach, of course that was a novelty, and perhaps music can reach the - I don’t know if it’s heights, or the reach, it’s very “mainstream” - it can be. Which is very - there’s a lot of power in that, a lot of force, and therefore a lot of responsibility as well. But artistically, the most powerful tool is always just what sparks your creativity, and that’s different for everyone who’s trying it out, I think. So I think playwriting and Eurovision are equally powerful, in that way, it just depends on the idea and where it leads. And I thought it was good to mention this angle, or whatever it was, modern society, politics, artists - you don’t know where you get entangled in all this, but you inevitably are, and we had no idea that our application for Eurovision would spiral the way it did. So I think it’s appropriate to call this dialogue with modernity a vortex, and you don’t always know where it’s going.

Lóa says, “I was going to say, about plays and Eurovision, that in my mind I think the play lives longer, because the other is so tied to the spring where it’s performed, and then maybe a bit from there, whereas the play somehow… oh, I don’t know.” Matthías suggests, “It gets republished when I die and so on.”

Later, after the host asks how Lóa channels it when she feels righteous anger about something, Lóa talks about how really she’d be most inclined to just write a Facebook post; she talks about how she’s tried to get off Facebook because she didn’t like becoming obsessed with likes and shares all just preaching to the choir. Then she mentions how Eurovision is a platform that’ll reach a lot of people who don’t already agree with you. Matthías adds:

Má ég koma með innskot í þetta? Út af því að þú varst að tala um einhverja réttláta reiði, og hvaða miðil maður myndi setja hana í - það verður bara oft svo banal þegar maður sér svo skýrt ásetninginn í listaverkinu, og þess vegna þegar þú fórst að tala um þessa réttlátu reiði og hvar maður myndi miðla henni, þá finnst mér mjög rökrétt einmitt að bregðast við með einhverjum pistli, þar sem þú ert bara bókstaflega að segja skoðanir. En þegar maður sér það yfirfært yfir á listamenn, þá verður það oft hvorki skoðuninni né listaverkinu til framdráttar, út af því að það er svo tvívítt.

Translation:

Can I add something to this? Because you were talking about some righteous anger, and what medium you’d channel it into - it just tends to become so banal when you can see so transparently the agenda behind the art, and that’s why when you started talking about that righteous anger and where you’d channel it, I think it’s very reasonable to react with some kind of article, where you’re literally just voicing your opinion. But when you see that projected onto artists, it often diminishes both the opinion and the art, because it’s so two-dimensional.

Harpa mentions in relation to Eurovision that visual artists kind of envy not getting to have the kind of megaphone that a musician has. Matthías says: “Maybe what we need is a Euro- really Eurovision should be called Euro-hearing, and Euro-vision should be visual arts competition.”

The second video is here; it does not seem to pick up immediately after the end of the other video, but since a panel like this being an hour sounds about right, I imagine we’re not losing too much in between.

It starts with Lóa saying something about “after losing those art awards”; she’s giggling a bit too much for me to understand entirely what she’s saying without knowing what preceded it. At this, Matthías says “I don’t know, it might put it in context.”

Jón Gnarr mentions how we are all slaves to capitalism, Matthías nods deeply.

Jón Gnarr talks also about the distinction he’s always felt there is between comedy and entertainment. He thinks in a way entertainment value is why Donald Trump is president of the US, producing headlines and bizarre events like a reality TV show, and we march along with it because we’re all within this system of capitalism. Matthías nods emphatically again. Jón Gnarr for next Hatari member 2k20.

Next, the host asks: as consumers of art, what medium or presentation or particular artists tend to move you the most and get you to think? Lóa talks about the emotions she felt seeing an exhibition by a relatively unknown woman whose work inspired later, better-known artists, and how she’d been kind of resistant to visual art for a while because she feels like she knows too much to be able to enjoy herself properly looking at visual art, but still knows too little to be a good artist. In response to this, Matthías says:

Mér finnst þessi - hvað sagðirðu, þessi mótþrói, svolítið góður punktur, út af því að um leið og þú myndar náin tengsl eða sekkur þér í eitthvað, ég held það eigi bara við um öll fög, ekki bara miðla í listum, en ef ég tala bara um leikhúsið, þá er ég núna búinn að flækja mig inn í það, og þá fer maður fyrir vikið að taka rosa nærri sér, bæði gott og lélegt, og leikhúsfólk getur verið rosa sárt ef það kemur af lélegri sýningu, eða eitthvað rosa upprifið yfir góðri, og mér finnst það svo fallegt að taka því bara nærri sér sama hvað manni finnst. Ég held ef maður myndi fara í Listasafn Íslands og hneykslast bara rækilega þá væri það held ég bara sigur, eða vera rosa ánægður. Því dýpra sem maður grefur sig ofan í eitthvað, því meira verður þetta svona mótþróa haltu mér-slepptu mér samband við það.

Translation:

I think this - what did you call it, this resistance, is a pretty good point, because as soon as you form a close connection or really sink yourself into something, I think this applies to anything and not just art mediums, but if I just talk abut theater, I’ve now gotten myself entangled in that, and then as a result you start to take it really personally, both the good and the bad. Theater people can be really upset exiting a bad show, or just ecstatic over a good one, and I think it’s so beautiful to just be able to feel it so strongly, regardless of what it is that you think. I think if you visited the National Gallery of Iceland and just really bristled at something, that’s a victory, or if you’re incredibly happy. The deeper you get into something, the more you get this resistance-based hold-me release-me relationship to it.

Jón Gnarr describes how he just can’t deal with music - he has written music, but if he’s in a place that’s playing music for more than ten minutes, he just has to leave or ask them to turn it off. Matthías seems very amused. He has similar difficulties with theater, and Matthías says “As a playwright.” Jón Gnarr talks a bit more about this and how TV is the art form closest to his heart. Matthías asks, “Do you feel offended by bad shows? If there’s something you’ve been told to watch, and you take the time, and you just think it sucks - does it upset you?” He says yes, that he’ll actually get kind of mad about it.

The host asks about the time that passes between something happening and being relevant and when artists can produce art in response to it (this is the bit that was in that Twitter clip):

Matthías: Eins og þú málar þetta upp núna þá er eins og það komi eitthvað í fréttirnar og [snaps fingers] og ég fari beint heim og semji lag, bara [holds the microphone like he’s performing a Hatari song], og það sé bara svona “buzzer”, tveim mánuðum seinna kemur viðbragð Hatara við, hérna, því að það sé kominn nýr dómsmálaráðherra, eða eitthvað svona. Ég held það sé ekki alveg…

Jón Gnarr: Þá er hann kannski búinn að segja af sér.

Matthías: Já, þá er hann kannski búinn að segja af sér. Fullt af lögum sem við höfum ekkert birt, bara út af því að það er… Nei, það er ekkert að því.

Translation:

Matthías: The way you’re presenting it here, it’s like something’s in the news and [snaps fingers] I just go straight home and write a song, just [holds the microphone like he’s performing a Hatari song], and it’s just a buzzer, two months later you get Hatari’s reaction to, like, the appointing of a new justice minister, or something like that. I don’t think that’s quite…

Jón Gnarr: By then maybe they’ve already resigned.

Matthías: Yeah, by then maybe they’ve already resigned! A bunch of songs we never even published, just because… No, nothing wrong with that.

The host says something about Hatari in response to this, but I can’t make it out.

Matthías continues:

Nei, þetta er meira svona eitthvað samkurl eða hringiða eða eitthvað kosmos sem við erum öll flækt í - Hatari, dómsmálaráðherra, Eurovision, við sem listamenn - það er ekki beint listamenn sem viðbragð við einhverjum atburði, heldur eru atburðirnir og listamennirnir einhvern veginn í sama drullupollinum, og úr verður nýr dómsmálaráðherra og nýtt lag eftir Hatara, og þetta er allt viðbragð við sama drullupollinum, myndi ég halda.

Translation:

No, it’s more like some kind of mishmash or vortex or some cosmos that we’re all entangled in - Hatari, the justice minister, Eurovision, we as artists - it’s not exactly artists reacting to some event, but rather the events and the artists are somehow all part of the same sludge, and from it you get a new justice minister and a new Hatari song, and it’s all a reaction to that same sludge, I think.

Lóa says the only artist who she thinks can respond to events in real time is Hugleikur [Dagsson, comic artist]; Matthías seems to have been about to suggest the same.

An audience question brings up how often society reacts to art just as art can react to society.

Jón Gnarr talks about how when he creates characters, he feels like he’s just a medium contacting people who already exist somewhere in another dimension somehow - people ask him “How did you come up with that?” and he doesn’t really feel like he came up with anything. (As a writer, I relate to this.) The host notices Matthías wants to say something.

Nei, já, ég tengi bara við þetta, og að sjálfsögðu er góður punktur að samfélagið bregst við listinni eins og listin bregst við samfélaginu. Maður kannski fer að lesa svolítið bókstaflega í hlutina ef allt á að vera viðbragð við einhverju ákveðnu. En ég tengi líka við þetta, að ég held það sé rosa ríkjandi hugsun, eða það er svona sterkt í okkur, að hugsa um listamanninn sem einhvern svona snilling, sem fær gáfulega hugmynd, eða gáfulega skoðun, sem hann ætli aldeilis að miðla af listfengi til þess að breyta skoðunum okkar sem horfa, út af því að það sé betri skoðun, sem hann veit. Þetta er svona misskilningur, sem… oft veit maður ekki alveg… Maður er að káfa á einhverjum þversögnum eða einhverju sem maður skilur ekki alveg sjálfur, og eitt leiðir af öðru, og maður hafði einhverja hugmynd um hvert það átti að fara í byrjun, en hún fer annað, og hún verður einhver hringavitleysa, þannig að… kannski dettur maður þá inn á eitthvað sem er svona rosalega gáfulegt eða á undan sinni samtíð, en ég held það sé ekkert endilega persónunni að þakka.

Translation:

No, well, I just relate to that. And of course it’s a good point that society responds to art the same way art responds to society. You might start to read things a bit too literally if everything is supposed to be a response to something in particular. But I also relate to that. I think it’s a very common point of view, or there’s a strong impulse in us, to think of an artist as some kind of genius, who has some intellectual idea, or an intellectual opinion, that he’s totally going to communicate artistically in order to change the opinions of us viewers, because it’s a better opinion, that he knows. It’s kind of a misunderstanding, which… often you don’t really know… You’re groping at some paradoxes or something you don’t really understand yourself, and one thing leads to another, and you had some idea where it was supposed to go at the start, but then it goes somewhere else, and it becomes some circular nonsense, so that… maybe you stumble onto something that’s sounds really smart or ahead of its time, but I don’t think that’s necessarily due to the person.

Then, Jón Gnarr: Yeah, I think often we’re doing artists a disfavor by asking them stuff as if they’re…

Matthías: Smart.

And that’s about it for what Matthías says in the panel! Man, I agree pretty hard with just about everything he said there.

[ashiiblack]

Year in Review 2019

Total word count: 

Total fics written: 24 (a LOT of these are less than 1k)

Fandoms written in: BNHA, Yuri!!! on Ice, Harry Potter, Free!, and MCU

Chronological list of fics (in the order posted on AO3, not written)

Romance at the Roasted Bean (Harry/Draco, T, 1k) - Draco has a secret admirer.

Start With a Cold Brew (Victor/Yuri P, E, 5k) - Coffee Shop AU (this was technically written in 2018 but was in its exclusivity period for Victurio Anthology)

the music plays bitter, plays sweet (Harry/Draco, M, 1k) - Angsty with a hopeful ending of Harry’s marriage to Ginny ending.

The Taste of Something Different (Harry/Draco, T, 1k) - Harry is getting increasingly frustrated with his Auror partner’s inability to get him the right food.

Shining Bright (JJ/Yuri, T, 5k) - Five times JJ fails at asking out Yuri and the one time he succeeds (another 2018 fic in exclusivity for YOI Litmag).

The 80th Floor (Kirishima/Bakugou, M, 1k) - A deleted scene from the BNHA movie answering the question of how krbk ended up on the 80th floor.

Scars You Can’t See (Kirishima/Bakugou, G, 300 words) - Kirishima trying to comfort Bakugou after Kamino.

Strawberries (on your lips) (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 900 words) - Studying with Kirishima turns into something unexpected.

The Bakugou Problem (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 2k) - The Bakusquad decide to get Kirishima and Bakugou to date. Chaos ensues.

Fate Can Suck It (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 3k) - Soulmate AU

I’ll unfold before you (Kirishima/Bakugou, E, 2k) - Post BNHA movie (and a sort of sequel to The 80th Floor)

Morning Light (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 400 words) - After their first night together, Kirishima wakes up with Bakugou in his arms.

the fear of seeing death without ever loving you (Steve/Tony, E, 3k) - Steve returns the stones to their proper place but can’t help but see Tony one last time.

Truths in Letters (Harry/Draco, T, 5k) - Harry and Draco participate in a Guess the Penfriend inter-house unity game with interesting results. Epistolary fic written with just_another_loser.

Win-Win (Kirishima/Bakugou, E, 1500 words) - Bakugou likes that Kirishima can take his blasts. Kirishima just likes Bakugou.

Dare Me (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 1500 words) - Uraraka gives Bakugou a dare. Eijirou isn’t sure what to think of it.

First Date (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 1k) - Going from best friends to boyfriends isn’t the smoothest transition, but Bakugou and Kirishima make it work. (fun fact - this fic is based on @icicle33‘s Sims characters).

so good to be yours (Makoto/Haru, E, 2k) - Makoto visits Sydney while Haru is at a training camp for the Olympics. While things are awkward at first, they find their rhythm together again.

The Note (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 1500 words) - Kirishima leaves a note to Bakugou on his desk confessing his crush to him. Humor and misunderstandings ensue.

everyday i want more of you (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 2k) - Seven somewhat connected 300 word drabbles written for Chill November. Basically all krbk fluff.

Out of the Slipstream (Kirishima/Bakugou, E, 15k) - The professional road cycling AU no one asked for but I wrote it anyway.

Beauty, Like the Night (Iida/Aoyama, M, 10k) - A classic example of having to write the fic you want to read. Iida has a crush on Aoyama but it isn’t proper for a future hero to lust after his classmates.

Spark (Endeavor/Hawks, E, 2k) - When what Keigo thinks is a casual hookup suddenly becomes something more.

There’s also a week’s worth of BNHA Fluff Week Drabbles I wrote in June.

From my past year of writing…

My best story of this year: Honestly, probably my Stony fic. I was so raw after Endgame and this fic was screaming to be written. My most popular story of this year (by kudos, comments or notes): Stony again. One of those rare times I agree with stats.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Take a chance on The Note? It’s only 1500 words. Most fun story to write: Beauty, Like the Night. Iidayama is my favorite rare ship and I fucking love Iida so much. Hardest story to write: Probably my cycling au. After thinking about this fic for so long, I really got in my head about it and didn’t feel like anything was good enough. Biggest disappointment: My drarry fics have been pretty off as of late. It doesn’t help when I have krbk basically always on my mind. Biggest surprise: Fun fact - I’m not a big fan of soulmate au tropes so I was pretty surprised Fate Can Suck It was so well received lmao. Honestly though I’ve warmed up to the genre since I wrote this one.

Most unintentionally telling story: Probably Stony again. I usually self insert into Tony but this time I went way into Steve.

Favorite Opening Lines: “We have a problem.” The Bakugou Problem

Favorite Closing Lines: “For now, they can sleep.” the fear of seeing death without ever loving you

Reflection time Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? I wrote a lot less. My goal was 100k and I ended up just shy of 65k. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? BNHA/Kiribaku/Endhawks. I fell pretty hard for krbk at the end of the first season then came the sports festival and their beautiful ship moments just kept coming. Endhawks I have no excuse other than they’re hot af together and so much opportunity for angst with feelings. What’s your own favorite story of the year? Dude idk. A lot of what I wrote was fun ficlets. I’m gonna have to go with either my cycling AU or iidayama. I know I said I struggled with the cycling au but I’m fairly happy with how it turned out. Did you take any writing risks this year? Not exactly. The Stony was definitely different from my usual style. Do you have any fanfic goals for the new year? Gonna shoot for 100k for 2020 again. I’m doing the Tododeku Big Bang and then I have two Kiribaku ideas I’m going to write. One will be a oneshot and the other will likely be a longer fic. I’d also like to do some sort of drabble event because I really enjoy the challenge with a limited word count.

Decade wrapped

If you’re still with me, I want to briefly reflect on my decade of fanfiction. I’ve been writing fic since 2002 but I fell in and out of it through high school. I didn’t really get back into writing until 2010 toward the very end of college. I met @icicle33 thru ffnet at the end of 2011 and she introduced me to LJ events and fests and exchanges and my writing style developed a ton. I fell out of it a bit in the middle of the decade but came back in full force in 2017 (thanks again in large part to Icicle), especially once I joined YOI fandom. In this decade, I’ve written/posted roughly 600k words (I feel like the distinction is important because I also have about 100k of unposted WIP/outline/nonsense). I’ve made friends, enemies, laughed, cried, met multiple fandom friends irl including my darling @phaytesworld and Icicle, modded and written for zines, and so much more. Writing has always been a way for me to explore a different side of myself, to play in a sandbox with no stakes. I can’t imagine where I would be without it. Here’s to another 10 years and you can bet in 2029 my old ass will still be writing. Should the world have ended by then, you can find me in hell writing porn.

[ginmo]

You're not delusional for entertaining the possibility of Brienne as YMB

“If you think anyone but [Insert Queen, most commonly Dany] is the YMB then you’re delusional” is something I have seen quite frequently, so I’ve been inspired to explain why that’s uh...well, complete bullshit.

To be delusional, you need to be spewing garbage without any reason or support and lack any sense of reality. But… there is plenty of evidence and reasoning, based in reality, to simply entertain a theory that isn’t [Insert Easy Choice].

Let me state that I'm not saying with total confidence that Brienne is YMB. I am not saying she is or is not. My claim is that Brienne is a perfectly logical candidate, and that being completely sold on a traditional choice, to the point where you’re publicly making asshole cocky comments about it, is risky af. I’m tired of people shutting down any discussion of it.

This is GRRM. This isn’t supposed to be easy (he literally said this, as shown below). There should be multiple interpretations to this prophecy. People who think it’s Brienne or Sansa or Marg or whoever may be wrong, or people who think it’s Daenerys may be wrong. Or maybe this is supposed to be ambiguous and we’ll never get a definitive answer. Maybe it’s multiple people. It all depends on what angle GRRM is going with. He could be going very literal and traditional with this, sure. Or, he could be going a more poetic route, which is also a style of his writing. Obviously by this post, I prefer the latter, but I see different angles. I’m not going to pretend I’m psychic by claiming I’m right and you’re wrong, and I’m not going misuse the word delusional. If you come after me later with, “LOL I TOLD YOU SO” I’m just going to say you missed the entire point of my post and my point is still 100% valid.

SO. Here is why you all have NO RIGHT to a) be so damn confident in your traditional choices and b) put down others for entertaining Brienne.

Hang on tight. This is long as fuck. First, you need to promise me you’ll do two things.

My two rules:

Consider authorial intent when thinking about meaning and trajectory and

Step outside the bubble and look at this story from a professional angle. A good narrative written by a professional author has structure and purpose.

Before I properly dive into this, let’s see what GRRM has to say about prophecies:

Prophecies are, you know, a double edge sword. You have to handle them very carefully; I mean, they can add depth and interest to a book, but you don’t want to be too literal or too easy…

I mean…. That should be enough to shake your confidence. He even gives an example.

In the Wars of the Roses, that you mentioned, there was one Lord who had been prophesied he would die beneath the walls of a certain castle and he was superstitious at that sort of walls, so he never came anywhere near that castle. He stayed thousands of leagues away from that particular castle because of the prophecy. However, he was killed in the first battle of St. Paul de Vence and when they found him dead he was outside of an inn whose sign was the picture of that castle! [Laughs] So you know? That’s the way prophecies come true in unexpected ways. The more you try to avoid them, the more you are making them true, and I make a little fun with that.

So you always want to frustrate our expectations, am I right?

Yes, it was always my intention: to play with the reader’s expectations. Before I was a writer I was a voracious reader and I am still, and I have read many, many books with very predictable plots. As a reader, what I seek is a book that delights and surprises me.  - GRRM

A physically beautiful Queen, or physical beauty in general, would essentially be the Lord being correct of his fate and dying in that castle. The Lord expected to die in that castle. Cersei’s only expectation to YMB is to be “cast down and take all you hold dear” by a literal beauty, literal Queen. That is obviously the reader’s expectation as well. Hello fandom! Cersei doesn’t know who this literal beauty/literal Queen is. She constantly obsesses over WHO, but is always wrong, maybe because it isn’t surface level obvious and it’s her incorrect interpretation, just like lord’s interpretation was wrong. He didn’t die in a literal castle.

See, I’m obviously so delusional for thinking GRRM might be doing, um… exactly what he said? There’s nothing from reality to support an idea that GRRM may not go the easy, literal route. There’s absolutely no reason for me to think this may not be so simple.

.

..

….

….

-__-

Right.

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-Younger, More Beautiful-

Brienne is a possible candidate for the YMB.

...it was always my intention: to play with the reader’s expectations.

For both Cersei and the readers (again hello Freefolk, Twitter, Tumblr), Brienne as the unexpected YMB is a twist to the literal interpretation, fitting GRRM’s idea on how prophecies should be written.

“But everything that has happened about the prophecy was literal so duh this has to be literal!”

The literal parts of the prophecy were marrying the King and the number of children she’ll have. Yeah… there isn’t anything subjective to that, so it’s not surprising that it’s straightforward. She asked a question, Maggy gave her an answer. Besides the part with the children dying, the bit we’re talking about was stuff Maggy added in. Also, is there like a prophecy rule book somewhere I’m not aware of? Maybe consider that we got easy literal bits mixed in so we (and Cersei) are misdirected by the actual focus? Maybe consider that it’s possible for a prophecy to have some literal elements and some not? Maybe consider that a way more subjective (-cough-beauty-cough-) part of the prophecy isn’t as straightforward?

Moving on.

“Aye.” Malice gleamed in Maggy’s yellow eyes. “Queen you shall be… until there comes another, younger and more beautiful, to cast you down and take all that you hold dear.”- CERSEI VIII, AFFC

It’s common to see “younger more beautiful QUEEN” (YMBQ) floating around fandom. Technically, Maggy never says the person is a Queen, whether literal or symbolic. She says “another.” An equally valid interpretation of that can be, “someone else who is younger and more beautiful than you.”

“Um no, it definitely implies a Queen because the words after and because of the context.”

If you really want to argue that GRRM definitely implies Queen, well, here’s something to chew on.

I’m not going to describe how Brienne’s arc is definitely not ending as her being someone’s bodyguard for the rest of her life. That’s for another time. But that doesn’t even matter really, because it has been made intentionally clear that Brienne is her father’s only heir. Once Brienne’s father dies, even if she’s still active on the battlefield, someone’s bodyguard, or still fucking off somewhere, she will still technically be the Evenstar.

- The Evenstar -

The Evenstar was a title given to the Tarth Kings. That title is still used. Why? It’s interesting to think that GRRM gave random minor House Tarth a specific title used for Kings, and that he allowed the House to continue using that title. Because he created that title for that House and allowed them to keep it, that title becomes symbolic of their previous kingdom. This is similar to our real world where some nations or groups retain titles from their history as more of a symbol. Selwyn Tarth is still known as the Evenstar. Selwyn Tarth is a symbolic King. When he dies (which will probably happen soon), Brienne automatically inherits that title, making her a symbolic Queen. And we all know how much GRRM loves symbolic meaning.

“I still think it’s a LITERAL Queen.”

I mean, a possible theory is that the throne will be destroyed at the end of this and the realm will split back into separate kingdoms. Sooo, if that happens……………………….

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- What does Maggy mean by beautiful?-

I have a really hard time believing that GRRM wants everyone to sit down and argue over who is physically more beautiful between his characters. In every story there are themes explored and messages woven within, so each character with an arc is going to have themes and messages associate with them. One of the themes being explored with Cersei is beauty. (This theme is explored through both Jaime’s and Brienne’s arcs as well, which isn’t a coincidence.)

Cersei’s interpretation of beauty lies on the exterior This is an element of her narcissism (word by GRRM).

(“Cersei isn’t narcissistic????”

You can argue, well, does she genuinely love her children, or does she just love them because they’re her children? There’s certainly a great level of narcissism in Cersei. She has an almost sociopathic view of the world and civilization. - GRRM  

Don’t even go there)

In her eyes, a person’s worth is tied to how physically attractive they are. She is obsessed over being beautiful, and her twin being beautiful. Her attitude towards her twin changes when he returns handless. Cersei’s interpretation of the prophecy is that she will be cast down by a physical beauty, which is why she goes after Margaery (Dany most likely later on/Dany in the show). But remember this?

you don’t want to be too literal or too easy

It’s possible GRRM isn’t talking about physical beauty here. a) too literal and b) Cersei is being taught a lesson, and the readers are being sent a message. Like, you know… what good quality literature does. This is important to understand. Maggy probably realizes this about Cersei (like any classic Beauty and the Beast Witch), thus fulfilling the prophecy on her own, her own downfall being caused by her inability to recognize power with inner beauty.

“But Cersei is bringing her own downfall by obsessively trying to avoid the prophecy. As GRRM said, ‘The more you try to avoid them, the more you are making them true.”

And by obsessively going after her interpretation of what beauty is, she’s missing what’s right in front of her face.

“He took Raventree and accepted Lord Blackwood’s surrender,” said her uncle, “but on his way back to Riverrun he left his tail and went off with a woman.”

“A woman?” Cersei stared at him, uncomprehending. “What woman? Why? Where did they go?”

“No one knows. We’ve had no further word of him. The woman may have been the Evenstar’s daughter, Lady Brienne.”

Her. The queen remembered the Maid of Tarth, a huge, ugly, shambling thing who dressed in man’s mail. Jaime would never abandon me for such a creature. My raven never reached him, elsewise he would have come.

- CERSEI I, ADWD

I mean… this right here, imo, is pretty significant, but it’s frequently ignored.

We see Cersei feeling a bit threatened by her rapid fire questioning of what, why, and where.

She places emphasis on Brienne’s looks.

The use of Her. That’s rather strong. GRRM could have taken “Her” out and started her thoughts with, “The queen remembered” but there’s something forceful - as if making a point- to use Her. GRRM also made sure the readers knew that Cersei knows of this woman, and knows what she looks like. From a narrative standpoint, if Brienne’s inner beauty contrasting her outward appearance isn’t an important element in the downfall of Cersei, then there’s literally no reason why Cersei needed to have seen Brienne before. Remember my rules? Yeah, apply them to this one.

“Er, Brienne’s appearance is mentioned so that Cersei knows to not be jealous.”

…I think, “Jaime would never abandon me for such a creature” is basically saying “LOL well he did.” It’s GRRM telling Cersei, and the readers, that her answer is right there, right under her fucking nose, but she’s too dense and superficial to see it, which is the point of the Brienne theory.

“It’s there just to show that Brienne is taking Jaime away even though she’s ugly, but it has nothing to do with YMB.”

Yes, that is also the point. Again, an interpretation of a key message of the prophecy is that beauty isn’t literal, and beauty lies within. If we’re looking at the prophecy as a lesson to both the readers and Cersei, similar to The Witch in Beauty and the Beast - a tale and theme GRRM has been confirmed writing, then… why wouldn’t that be connected? “Brienne the Beauty” is literally the only character to challenge Cersei’s superficial perceptions, and the only one who has been set up to do so. In other words, for this particular theory, narcissism and superficiality drives Cersei’s downfall.

Also, I find it curious that instead of saying, “Lord Selwyn Tarth’s daughter, Lady Brienne” which would have been way more straightforward and which he could have easily done, GRRM instead used his other title, “the Evenstar’s daughter” which basically translates to, “the Princess.” A possible nod to the future Evenstar, the future symbolic (or even potentially literal) Queen, if Cersei and readers want to interpret the person as a Queen.

Reminder: that’s a fact. Not wishful thinking. Regardless of what Brienne is doing or where she is, she will literally inherit the title the Evenstar.

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- Brienne the Beauty -

BRIENNE IS AN INNER BEAUTY. This has been intentional and made crystal clear over and over. Brienne is the Beastly Beauty. A… beauty who gives a lesson by challenging Cersei’s perception of beauty and…. She is intentionally written as younger and….. she will have a title that’s a symbolic Queen and… her story is tied to Cersei’s lover? :O

Look, it’s no secret that one of GRRM’s favorite narratives is Beauty and the Beast. As mentioned above, he is writing an adaptation of Beauty and the Beast.

George R.R. Martin said what he wanted to do was to take the traditional format of Beauty and the Beast and change the roles — and also the genders. - Gwendoline Christie

[GRRM] also said that when he wrote the story of Jaime and Brienne, he was taking the formula of Beauty and the Beast and turning it on its head. He wanted to see what it was like for the man to be the beauty and the woman to be the beast and how that would play out. - Gwendoline Christie

I spoke to George R.R. Martin about this, and he said that it was always his intention with Jaime and Brienne to take the classic Beauty and the Beast story, and turn it on its head. Brienne is not ‘unconventionally attractive’, she’s ugly, and she’s ugly to society. She is the beast.- Gwendoline Christie

He’s taking the traditional format (a romance) and switching the genders and roles. The entire point of BatB is to destroy the idea that love and beauty are determined by superficial qualities.

Guys again, I’m so delusional. There is nothing to see here. None of this is from anything real.

“But that’s just for Jaime.”

There can be other characters in a Beauty and the Beast adaptation. It’s an adaptation, not word for word. Other characters can be used to deliver the message, especially if the character is uh… linked to and romantically involved with one of the BatB inspired characters. For example, in the Disney adaptation we have Gaston (who… now that I think about it, actually has a similar Cersei way of thinking, ngl lol).

Brienne is the one character who has the actual name of Beauty associated with her. She is Cersei’s opposite. Brienne is the epitome of what Cersei cannot understand. A theme explored through Cersei is beauty, which is a theme that’s heavily explored through Brienne as well. Brienne’s character has been shaped around rejection due to her appearance. Literally every page in her POV is about how ugly and undesirable she is. Therefore, it’s very possible their characters are connected by a shared beauty theme.

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- The Prophecy -

Okay, the rest of this stupid thing for YMB. Here we go.

”Will I wed the prince?” she asked.

“Never. You will wed the king.”

Beneath her golden curls, the girl’s face wrinkled up in puzzlement. For years after, she took those words to mean that she would marry Rhaegar until after his father Aerys had died.

GRRM straight up telling the readers that Cersei interprets this shit incorrectly.

”I will be queen, though?” asked the younger her.

“Aye.” Malice gleamed in Maggy’s yellow eyes. “Queen you shall be… until there comes another, younger and more beautiful, to cast you down and take all that you hold dear.

“But ginmo, -sigh-, Cersei doesn’t hold Jaime most dear. The thing she holds most dear is power.”

Is she not always jealous and bitter over how Jaime is born to be heir and she is not? Does Jaime not represent the Lannister legacy she craves? Does Ms. “my brother is worth a thousand of your men” not lose any amount of power if Jaime stops doing what she wants? Is Jaime’s identity shift not influenced by Brienne the Beauty? Where is Jaime in both books and show? Couldn’t Brienne’s influence on Jaime mean Cersei loses power, a lover, her legacy? Jaime is power.

And then, again, there is also the straightforward route with the Kingdom splitting up possibility and Brienne the Evenstar….

Then we get this perfect little nugget.

Anger flashed across the child’s face. “If she tries I will have my brother kill her.”

I WILL HAVE MY BROTHER KILL HER I’M DYING. This is something that is repeated TWICE. Here in the prophecy and later in the chapter when she’s talking to Qyburn about the prophecy.

”...another queen, who would take from me all I loved.”

“And you wish to forestall this prophecy?”

More than anything, she thought. Even in the tent. “If she tries I will have my brother kill her.”

This is another moment to apply my two rules. There is literally no point to this being thrown in there if Jaime is not connected to the YMB, and definitely no point to emphasize a second time that she’d have her brother kill her. The words are not, “I will have her killed,” which could have left it ambiguous and easily been done. No, she (which is GRRM) specifically uses “my brother will kill her.” The irony is that, JAIME IS IN LOVE WITH HER. HE’S IN LOVE WITH THE BEAUTY.

“No, the irony is that by that time Jaime won’t listen anymore to her.”

I mean, that’s possible obvioiusly, but… yawn? That has practically zero emotional weight attached to it. I personally lean more towards this being a massive hint, that Jaime is the LAST person to kill the YMB, because he lost his heart to her, which makes it so delicious and juicy. GRRM is essentially having a massive evil laughing fit.

Another small note, during the Maggy the Frog scene, after delivering the YMB message to Cersei, Melara asks if she’ll marry Jaime. When they leave, Cersei kills Melara for wishing to marry Jaime, which is GRRM telling the readers that Jaime most certainly represents something Cersei holds dear, or else she wouldn’t be killing her. It’s not a coincidence this was right after she learned about the YMB.

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- Cersei is her own downfall -

The more you try to avoid them, the more you are making them true

In the show Cersei is threatened by Dany as YMB (since it’s possible she incorrectly interpreted the prophecy, wow what a concept that’s not possible at all). This was made clear by the script notes. Apply my rules here as well.

But what’s the meaning of Cersei being taken down by a physical beauty? That just… proves her right? That would be the Lord dying in the literal castle? It just supports Cersei’s superficial world view by sending absolutely no message to her character? From a narrative standpoint, there’s no point to have YMB be a literal beauty. Again, is it possible he’s going the literal route? YES. But considering GRRM implements a ton of metaphor and symbolic meaning in his work, that he literally said he’s writing a BatB narrative so Beauty Within is definitely present, and he straight up said he doesn’t like his prophecies to be entirely literal, I’m going to at least have fun and entertain the non-surface level interpretation, and I’m therefore not delusional for doing so.

And since Cersei is bringing her own downfall, how would Dany even fit? Dany would have been going after that throne regardless of whoever’s ass was sitting on it. Dany’s pursuit of the throne has absolutely nothing to Cersei, and everything to do with what she believes is her right. My point is, if Cersei’s butt wasn’t there, Dany would still be doing exactly what she’s doing. So how is Dany taking the throne a consequence of Cersei bringing it upon herself? Cersei and Dany are completely separate from one another. Even if AU Cersei was nice to all of her allies and Jaime, Ned knew the identity of her children, and therefore a fractured Westeros would still exist. She wouldn’t have had enough men to fight off Dany. None of that really matters anyway, because Daenerys still would have converted Houses through the use of her dragons. In the show, it’s been made clear that she thinks it’s now Dany so...… going back to my points outlined above, if she thinks it’s Dany, maybe it’s possible she’s wrong.

You know the one character Cersei will NEVER see as a threat, due to her narcissistic inability? Brienne the Beauty.

(Also for show!Cersei, I love how fandom is like “Valonqar can’t be Tyrion because Cersei thinks it’s Tyrion” and then in the same breath they go, “DO YOU SEE? Cersei thinks Daenerys is the YMB so it’s Daenerys!”..................................................... Like I said, GRRM and D&D could be going that way, but to use that logic is just…… what)

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-Book Structure-

Hey did you guys know that there’s actually thought and technique that goes into the formatting and structure of a book, especially a book series? That the structure of chapters and the format aren’t just randomly thrown together? DEFINITELY apply my two rules here.

When was this prophecy introduced? AFFC, the book Cersei AND Brienne conveniently got a POV, the book that is mostly Jaime, Cersei, and Brienne centric. Who has a POV chapter immediately after Cersei’s prophecy? Brienne. Why is it structured this way? Was it random that the book was mostly a Lannister twin + Brienne book? No...

What can that possibly imply?

The main story running through each of those characters is the same. In other words, those three are connected to the same subplot - BatB- and are therefore connected through the same themes.

POSSIBLE? Yes.

DELUSIONAL? No.

Also my favorite. Look at this chapter ending. LOOK AT IT. Feel the dramatic pause. DO YOU CLAIM THIS IS RANDOM?

I dare you tell me that there is no thought that goes into a chapter end.

I dare you to tell me that the Cersei chapter following is meaningless, like the structure of a book doesn’t go through an editing process, that chapter ends aren’t significant and the structures aren’t another element in the story telling process.

I dare you to tell me that “Brienne the Beauty” weren’t words intentionally chosen by a professional author.

We first hear about “younger, more beautiful” in CERSEI III - AFFC, and then Brienne is referred to as, “Brienne the Beauty” shortly after in BRIENNE III - AFFC. The only other time Brienne's nickname of “Brienne the Beauty” was mentioned was when Catelyn made note of it. It wasn’t in ASOS when there were plenty of opportunities, and it only came up again (...four times) right after Cersei thinks about YMB for the first time.

yEAH GUYS, DElUSIOnAL, wHat IS naRraTive StrUcTuRe AnD pROfESsIONAL fOrMAtTiNG? nOt rEaL LMFAO bRiEnNe’s nOt pOsSIbLe aT aLL

[tocxmply]

BRAINWASHING & ACTIVATION WORDS         [sources: click, click, click, click, click, click]

         so --- the process that underlies HYDRA’s creation of the Winter Soldier. first of all, this can be described as a process of brainwashing/ mind control/ mind manipulation to the point of breaking down one’s identity and reforge it at another’s will. what we know about brainwashing from scientific evidence is that this process is still debatable — whether it is real or a different psychological phenomenon, what it takes to happen, consequences, etc. obviously, it is impossible to conduct research to test hypotheses in such a field — for this reason, i have researched accordingly (shoutout to @timeripe​ for coming along for the ride) and i have tried to build up this background as realistically and plausibly as possible.

1. ELECTROCONVULSIVE/ ELECTROSHOCK STIMULATION (ECS)

         starting at 1945 --- right after Bucky’s fall and when he was captured. ECS was growing quite popular in the psychiatry field in the 1940s, after observations that, for example, it was useful to put a person in an anesthetized state. it was also already demonstrated that the electroshock provoked retrograde amnesia, in that patients could not remember the treatment and therefore had no ill feelings toward it. knowing this, as well as the effect of a general sense of confusion left after treatment, it’s small wonder that HYDRA saw the potential this could have in producing compliant soldiers for their cause. nowadays. it is also known that memory loss and confusion are more pronounced for patients who receive a steady flow of electrical impulses and who undergo bilateral electrode placement, both of which are the Soldier’s case (re: the latter, it’s not actual electrodes used on him because the machines we see in the movies are quite rudimentar tbh, but it is a protocol of bilateral stimulation). we also know that some patients have persistent memory losses, especially with bilateral ECS. therefore, it is also not difficult to envision that, with frequent and non-optimized shock sessions (if not downright done on purpose to force all these side effects), in the course of 70 years of captivity, the Soldier’s memory was frequently wiped clean for the most part and that some portions of it may never be entirely recovered, even if he’s to be removed from this hazardous context (i will venture deeper into his memory + amnesia in a different meta). additionally, whereas nowadays there is no solid evidence that ECS causes brain damage, there are reports that it might result in a lack of blood flow and oxygen to the heart, heart arrhythmia, and persistent asystole.

         tl;dr --- this is a procedure that, when done without regard for the patient’s integrity (which, disclaimer, is NOT what happens nowadays during perfectly safe and optimized ECS therapy sessions), is terrifying af and does not immediately produce immense trauma only because the procedure in itself, ironically, causes the person to be unable to remember it. again, a perfect mechanism to be used by HYDRA standards.

2. CLASSICAL/ PAVLOVIAN CONDITIONING

         this is depicted in “Captain America: Civil War”, by the use of the infamous activation words and how they promptly revert Bucky back to the Winter Soldier mindset and, basically, turn him back to HYDRA’s puppet with zero autonomy/ agency. classical conditioning is “a learning procedure in which a biologically potent stimulus (e.g. food) is paired with a previously neutral stimulus (e.g. a bell). it also refers to the learning process that results from this pairing, through which the neutral stimulus comes to elicit a response (e.g. salivation) that is usually similar to the one elicited by the potent stimulus“. so, how does this apply to the activation words?

         from what we can see at the start of CA:CW, during the flashback in 1991, the biologically potent stimulus is the ECS, as discussed in topic 1, which provokes a state where, right after the session, the Soldier is 1) in a state of confusion, 2) in an anesthetized state of sorts, 3) having no recollection of what just happened, and 4) with his memory in general converted to a clean slate. all of these are ideal, in turn,  to induce a state of hypnosis. in this case: “hypnosis is a state of human consciousness involving focused attention and reduced peripheral awareness and an enhanced capacity to respond to suggestion. during hypnosis, a person is said to have heightened focus and concentration. the person can concentrate intensely on a specific thought or memory, while blocking out sources of distraction. hypnotized subjects are said to show an increased response to suggestions”. again, it’s not hard to see how convenient this is when you’re trying to create the perfect soldier/weapon, who’s 100% focused on your objectives and doing your bidding only. this is the default mode of functioning of the Winter Soldier, and what is achieved via the activation words.

         so, the way i see it... what happens is that, after every ECS session, a hypnosis session immediately follows. during hypnosis sessions, the Soldier undergoes indoctrination on the whole HYDRA is here to save the world, we fight for freedom, everyone who opposes us needs to be removed, we’re the good guys, etc --- a message we see being clearly used in “Captain America: The Winter Soldier”, by Alexander Pierce, when Winter questions the man on the bridge --- he’s immediately reminded of how he himself changed the century, how he’s doing the right thing and this man doesn’t matter, yada yada. whenever this message does not work by itself, then a new ECS session is needed to restart the cycle; aka wipe him and start over.

         during hypnosis sessions, that is also when the activation words are recited, again when the Soldier’s mind is solely focused on them and nothing else. and this is how the conditioning, therefore, works: an initially neutral stimulus (activation words) is associated with other stimuli (shock sessions + hypnosis sessions) which is able to produce a desirable response (absolute compliance, zero resistance, zero questioning of orders, zero agency), so that, by itself, the neutral stimulus becomes able to elicit this same response.

         let me add here that the state of cryostasis the Winter Soldier is kept in, whenever he’s not needed, is also essential for this process --- as, despite the popular “cold sleep” name, this isn’t true sleep at all. this does not allow for REM sleep to occur, which in turn does not allow for short-term learning to be properly converted into long-term memories. which, again in turn, explains the Soldier’s amnesia and, as well, why the conditioning must be reinforced every time he’s awoken (i.e., the reason why he’s awoken, dragged out of the cryo chamber, shoved down for ECS + conditioning --- as we see depicted at the start of CA:CW). 

3. CONSEQUENCES

         first and foremost, i love the general idea depicted at the end of “Black Panther” that recovery IS possible, even for someone who’s quite literally gone through hell and back. however, i don’t agree with the idea that the activation words can be entirely removed, so to speak --- for example, it is well demonstrated that operant conditioning responses can take as much as 10,000 attempts without any sort of reinforcement, before eventually becoming extinct (thank u B.F. Skinner). ofc there is always the excuse that this is fiction and we can make technology as badass as we want, but i’m not a fan of that --- so i go for a compromise as realistic as i can do.

         we know that Shuri was able to “deprogram” Bucky quite substantially, but we aren’t explicitly told how --- only that it was achieved by the time of “Avengers: Infinity War”. we also have Bucky himself stating that he is now “a semi-stable 100-year-old man “ --- semi-stable obviously implying that he still has to deal with some sort of sequels, despite his huge and beautiful progress. back to Shuri’s strategy, i would say this was heavily based on a protocol of counterconditioning/ stimulus substitution and systematic desensitization. to make a long story short, the rationale was to break the association between activation words + Winter’s mindset, to make it so that the power of the activation words over Bucky is as reduced as possible, and to instead associate these activation words with desirable outcomes --- for example, a positive stimulus, such as affectionate human contact, that is offered at the same time the words are recited --- so that the words are gradually able to elicit a positive emotion, rather than complete submission.

         from what we currently know, this sort of intervention has great success and, for example, was one of the earliest behavioral treatments for post-traumatic stress disorder. however, we also know that it is not a perfect technique (like none is) --- which, all things given, leads me to believe that the words have not lost their power entirely. so... whereas, for the most part, by the time of IW they have become obsolete as far as triggering the Winter Soldier mindset goes (provided Bucky is in a positive context), they can still provoke anxiety and they can still bring back a great deal of noxious memories associated with those days. so, for example, reciting these words at this point in time will not succeed in brainwashing, but it will provoke a negative/vulnerable mindset and, under certain circumstances and in certain contexts, may provoke an actual panic attack.

         to conclude: in my portrayal, the events that are post-CA:CW will bring about the start of Bucky’s recovery --- which will be progressive, extended (tbh it will likely be a lifetime process), and certainly not able to revert him back to the man he was in 1945 but that will, no doubt, make a huge difference for his mental health, integrity, and stability. depending on the timeline i’m writing him on, obviously, his progress will greatly vary --- right at the end of CA:TWS, he’s dysfunctional for the most part and greatly vulnerable, whereas, by the time of IW and beyond, he still suffers from severe PTSD symptoms but has learned how to better cope with them and how to preserve his well-being.

[migleefulmoments]

“Precious little d. Either embarrrssed about talking about sex or it had been quite some time, and if it had been a long time, that seems quite inconsistent with the PR story that was starting to ramp up as this was not long before confirmation day and the I’m a straight man with a gf tour.” Gawd is she serious lols. Darren loves a naughty pun so why would be embarrassed to talk about sex. And seeing as Abby has probably never had sex she should probs keeps quiet.

Darren embarrassed to talk about sex? HE WROTE “ME AND MY DICK”!!!!!! He has a bar called Tramp Stamp Grannies which serves drinks called boob soup...there is no way in hell he was embarrassed.  Like who the hell is she thinking about when she says that? Herself? Kurt with his “because of the layers” conversation? Certainly not Darren Criss.  

The clip is here (X) so you don't have to watch the entire episode.

He says ‘who me” and takes a heart beat to answer - Kathy makes another joke and he says “IDK...IDK, yesterday?” to which Kathy says “because I would think playing a gay guy but being a hot straight guy, you must get a ton of pussy” and he says “Well I mean, well I mean, I don’t want to embarrass Lily...” In fact Darren says “yeah, yeah” while Kathy is saying this.  He wasn’t silent and trembling in the corner while Lily saved him.  IDK what video you were watching.  Kathy wasn’t outing him she was making a joke about how much pussy he gets being straight and hot but playing a gay guy. How do the ccers get everything so wrong? Oh right- they cut the clip, slow it down, make a gif which Abbys calls 

““Little bonus:”

Keep reading some high-end nonsense-I commented on some of the nonsense but I only made the comments regarding this video “bold”. 

Anonymous asked:

For some reason KGriffin has been on my mind today. Her infamous interview asking D about vaginal sex. Dude looked like he was going to come out of his skin. Another thing as close as C is with her I’ve seen a lot of pics with him at her house at parties without the boyfriend.

Oh you mean this classic moment? An interview just a few short months after the woman he had been betrothed to since birth moved to LA and you’d think the answer would be frequent and all time and not something that would completely fluster him. So much so that L/ily had to step in and save him.(Yes, because everyone wants to say “frequently and all the time” about their girlfriend who just moved to town. Classy. Lily didn’t “step in and save him”. You should have watched the video again before you write about it.)

You can always see his brain spinning, thinking “can I say 3 years ago before I became Co/lfersexual? Oh wait my beard lives here now. Surely if it were real it would be all the time. Should I just refer to the last time I had sex with C? They don’t need to know there was no vagina involved…..” (Yes, that is exactly what a sane person would think in the heartbeat it takes him to answer. Watch the video again- NOT THE GIF...your fantasy has changed the facts-you sound like Trump “he ran int other tunnel and died crying and screaming and whimpering like a dog”)  

He was so obviously struggling and thankfully L/ily, an openly gay woman, made it into a joke to spare him. (what joke does L/ily tell that saves him? I’m curious because when I watch the video that part must be mute) 

Precious little d. Either embarrrssed about talking about sex or it had been quite some time, and if it had been a long time, that seems quite inconsistent with the PR story that was starting to ramp up as this was not long before confirmation day and the I’m a straight man with a gf tour. (But look at that, it IS consistent with YOUR story of a fragile but powerful gay man who realized he loved his costar the moment they met but woefully that love is forbidden for reasons that make no sense whatsoever but involve Ryan Murphy and a contract, a contract he signed with wide-eyed innocence at 23. He just wanted to share his talents with the world and the lure of fame dazzled him but he soon found out he signed the deal with the devil. It’s the story of a man who chose the wrong beard and is still paying for that a decade later just as he still pays for signing that contract as a naive 23 yo. A man who, as you say “likes cock”, but it stuck spending most of his time with his “wife”, a woman he detests. This fragile but strong man who wrote “me and My Dick” and mimicked masturbation while standing in front of the paparazzi pen on a red carpet is   is TERRIFIED of talking about sex...duh!)

*****************************************************************************************

rougedraconteur asked:

Just want to say that I could not be happier about most of the Halloween costumes and parties this year. But, I do think it needs to be said that Kathy and Chris were friends before this. By this interview with D, she and Chris had been pals for years. I know she was on Glee, as a judge of one of their many competitions. And she also held a fake marriage ceremony with him on stage somewhere, with Chris as her groom. She’s like Jane, a mom sub. C was on K’s show, then D, same as Jane’s.

And yes, Kathy knew. She always has, same as Jane. They are insiders, people to be trusted with the truth. She just loves to put people on the spot, even those she cares about. All of these folks on the show that day, knew the truth, whatever it was at that time.(She’s his mother figure? but his mother was alive when this was shot. I love how they “know” this stuff-everyone know but nobody thought to help Darren or stop working with Ryan Murphy out of solidarity and support- hell even Darren didn’t support Darren by icing Ryan Murphy out of his life. Also nobody has leaked on bit of information ...ever...in 10 years. That impressive AF. )

***********************************************************************

This Halloween was like Christmas, it was fabulous and no matter what they try, they cannot undo it.  And I am confident D&C were fully aware of what was happening on Thursday night with the pictures. They have been playing this game for years, they know how not to be in the background of photos. They wanted those pics circulated.(more confirmation bias)  So my question is, why now and who allowed those pics to be published?  We all know the content is generally very controlled.  And I would imagine EP has full control over the pics that are released from his party, I always question his involvement and well he was responsible for the only formal pic to date of CC, albeit a group photo.

C killed Halloween with his 2 costume choices. They were amazing. And I love that both he and D wee in drag last Saturday.  

As for M/iarren, while the costumes themselves were not that great (kind of cheap and poorly executed though D as a dalmatian was adorable). I would say she spent more time and effort on the pics with her “squad’), i loved both of them. The villain and the victim. And in both cases, the D character won.  And costume one was a blatant nod to C and his amazing books. Proving she is obsessed with us and what we say and trying to one up C.

Sad for her, she lost Halloween this year and CC triumphed and caused an absolute riot (a riot caused by Chris, Darren, Will and Mia speaking together at a party.. it has come to this#SAD!).  

On K/athy thanks for the insight. I guess i cannot imagine asking such a direct question if I knew the truth. I guess what she failed to realize is that D is a terrible liar, especially back then. (why would Kathy, a great friend to Chris, do something so painful and difficult for Darren in front of a video camera let alone on a comedy show.  Outing someone is a serious matter and not something concussive a rapid-fire comedy show.  Your theory makes no sense whatsoever). His face told a million stories and none of them were of a straight man with a gf that just moves across the country to be with him (yes Abby, his face gave him away because his words sure as hell didn’t, never have and never will. It’s absurd but you continue to believe you know his truth based solely on facial expresses-which you have proven you cannot read accurately-, t-shirt graphics, song lyrics and Instagram “likes” but sadly, that is where we are at).  

No doubt both L/ily and JTF knew.  I think JTF has actually been a role model to D.  And he and JM have been, from what i can see, really amazing to both our guys.(Vomit- random gay men in Hollywood are not “supporting Darren” through his 10 years of closeting, denial and marriage to a women-they have their own lives.) And L/ily would never have jumped in that way if she thought for one second that d was capable of handling it himself (Oh FFS, Darren made the joke about him and Lily having vaginal sex, Lily didn’t jump in, she cracked up and after he milked the joke for all he could get out of it- then she made a joke riffed off his. Your fantasy has overtaken the truth once again. Luckily we have video proof). But since D could not muster an answer, she answered for him and then he was able to collect himself and go with the joke. (that isn’t true at all-it’s a complete a lie).

Intereting side note, when that video originally aired, i still believed the PR story and I remember thinking about how odd his answer was and how uncomfortable he was. And i wasn’t looking for anything as I didn’t think there was a reason for him to lie.  

I love this interview. And example of something team shit would dream about if only d could answer convincingly and instead it completely shined a light on the fact that D is queer and prefers the company of men, at least at that point in his life (Not making a statement on his past and sexuality) (OMG really? You're not? All you do is make statements about his sexuality. Let’s pretend you are right with this theory- For all the help that Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Ricky Martin, Ryan Murphy, and all the other gay men in Hollywood are providing ccDarren, this video showing how team shit failed again was broadcast 6 1/2 years ago (3/13) and Darren is still saying he’s straight, he’s still not spending time with Chris -well of course except the Halloween moment caught on the camera-they still lead entirely different lives and Darren married Mia sooo I’m not sure how they are team “shit”. Sounds like “team perfect” since everything is going their way.  They even got Darren to cuddle Mia for a photo as “punishment” for that little moment with Chris...Team Shit for the Win....again!) 

[makochosena]

the mun’s interpretation | @magixmade

♚ Do you agree with the fandom interpretation of your character?

So here’s the deal: the fandom is tiny. Practically non-existent, except for some people who spontaneously remember the show exists after finding it on Netflix and are eager to relive their childhood. Which there’s definitely nothing wrong with that !  But that just means that there isn’t a ton of interpretation and more just general commentary ? 

Anyway, here’s what I gather from the fandom: Rikki is one of the most popular characters, along with Cleo. So most people have pretty positive views of Rikki, often remarking on how mcfreakin savage she was (and she so was). A lot of people also love Rikki and Zane’s relationship and HATE when it was destroyed in season 3. And there is also a considerable amount of people who regard Rikki as a lesbian in love with Emma.

So I kinda do agree with a lot of these things. Rikki is hilarious. I do think Rikki and Zane are a great couple and their breakup was upsetting. And I also think that Rikki and Emma would make a great couple.

But I don’t write Rikki off as a lesbian. She’s bi. And I interpret Rikki using humor as a defense mechanism to bury her feelings. What people don’t talk about (and maybe not even notice) is that Rikki is angry. She has A LOT of anger. She has a lot of emotions that she just doesn’t want to deal with. And she has a lot of power, but unfortunately, the show’s writing undermines that.

The fandom accepts Rikki and all the characters at face value. I mean, yeah, it’s a kid’s show, but still. There’s MORE to Rikki than humor. And it goes for all the characters. Cleo’s kindness is not naiveté. Bella is not just some boy-crazy teenage girl. And there’s more to Emma than just shipping her with Rikki. More often than not, I find myself disagreeing with the fandom’s opinions on the other characters, not so much with Rikki. 

♧ Any part of their canon portrayal you dislike?

Hmmm…it’s hard to say. Kinda like what I was saying before, I find myself more upset with how other characters are portrayed than Rikki (like Bella and Will for example).

I wish they expanded more on Rikki’s home life. Like Rikki and Zane’s conversation on the rooftop in season 1 was nothing. It was great for progressing their relationship but I really feel like we don’t LEARN anything until The Wrong Side of the Tracks in season 2 (a classic).

I wish they expanded more on Rikki’s powers too. I feel like there was SO MUCH POTENTIAL there !  There have been numerous instances where Rikki has frightened people, including herself, with her powers and they don’t talk about it !  She’s given fire and electricity powers in the first episode of season 2 and after that it’s like…nonexistent. I get that she doesn’t necessarily need to use those powers but they could’ve explored that more. I really think it undermines her.

Also: this will FOREVER bug me. In season 1, Emma had the strength to smash a metal door to save Zane from drowning, right ? ?   Then the girls could have EASILY smashed the gate off when they were trapped in the moon pool by Dr. Denman. It’s so minor but omg I’m so annoyed by that lmao.

And I have mixed feelings about Rikki’s portrayal in M.ako M.ermaids. There are some parts I like, and some parts I don’t. Like, okay, I don’t like the part where Rikki talks about how she and her friends grew apart. I get that it could happen to anyone, even mermaids, but it just wasn’t…convincing. After EVERYTHING they’ve been through ?  And clearly the writers don’t know what to do with Bella which is frustrating af. And I just didn’t like how Rikki was undermined when Ondina, Mimmi, and Weilan confronted her for the bracelet. That whole scene felt very weak to me.

✍ Has new canon material ever forced you to adjust your headcanons?

A LITTLE, but not really. So I’ve been writing Rikki for a long time, even before she appeared on Ma.ko Mer.maids, so when she appeared on the show, I didn’t really adjust my headcanons. I just made it an au because I was already comfortable with how I was writing her. But as I started watching the spin-off in its entirety, I started developing headcanons to expand on its lore (because it’s a mess).

As I sorta talked about in my previous post, when I first started writing Rikki, I ignored season 3 because I didn’t like it. But then I watched it again, liked it, and incorporated it into my portrayal. And kinda going back to what I was saying before about how there’s more to Rikki than just humor: we see that in season 3. Season 3 helped me explore Rikki’s emotions, especially when she crossed over to “the dark side” for a time and when she and Zane fought.

I don’t know if you’d call season 3 “new canon material” considering it’s been out longer than I’ve been writing Rikki, but I opened up to it more and adjusted my headcanons accordingly.

[hethrewmyheartinthecut]

Peaky Match Quiz: Written Version

EDIT (11/13/18) FORGET THIS! A way easier version, a full one-stop shop, is right here. I guarantee it’s faster easier and more beautiful than the stuff below.

Please remember to write your answers down! (For example, bbacebbdaebaccecdeaa.) At the end of the quiz, you’ll have to submit them to get your match number!

1. What WWI-era job did you have?

a) nurse

b) soldier

c) translator

d) diplomat

e) spy

2. Big spoon or little spoon?

a) big spoon most of the time

b) little spoon most of the time

c) either one is good

d) I’d rather not sleep with anyone

e) that’s a false binary, hoe

3. If you could, what would you splurge on?

a) a new bike

b) a massive bookshelf

c) a music streaming subscription

d) a canoe

e) a walk-in closet

4. Let’s say your ship goes down and you’re rationing food for the people left on your small lifeboat. You have one extra piece of food. Who do you give it to?

a) my cousin

b) the youngest person there

c) the oldest person there

d) I assign it randomly, leaving it to luck

e) give??? that’s MY food

5. What action movie character are you?

a) the hero, blam blam

b) he hero’s ex, who has moved on and made a fabulous life for themselves

c) the wise old sage that everyone goes to for life advice, love, and the occasional asskicking

d) the cutie/sidekick that sacrifices themselves to save the world

e) the tech cutie with the laptop that gets to drink as much coffee as they want

6. Who’s your favorite Greek god?

a) Athena, goddess of wisdom & strategy, grey eyes aesthetic, and getting all As

b) Aphrodite, goddess of hoes, lovers, and hoe lovers, judging nobody, and looking good as fuck with seashell-braided hair

c) Hades, god of keeping a VERY LONG grudge, death/the underworld, and ‘I wish that people wouldn’t die because I hate spending time with them’

d) Artemis, goddess the forest, ace lesbian separatism, and tearing creeps apart w/ her good doggos

e) Dionysus, god of a l c o h o l, parties where literally everyone’s invited, and fuckwit tomfoolery

7. There’s a bar fight. What’s going on?

a) I don’t know and I don’t care.

b) me, bitch! I don’t even know how but I’m out here and I’m having a great time

c) I started the fight but I’m standing over in a corner watching for the fun of it

d) protecting my little brother went a lil too far

e) I’ve studied everyone here and I can make significant money off betting who’ll win

8. What is your supervillain origin story?

a) A lot of bad shit happened to me and nobody seemed to care, so I figured I’d get revenge.

b) Like Robespierre, I wanted equal rights for everybody, and like Robespierre, I got a lil too enthusiastic with the guillotine.

c) I thought I could do a better job of running things than those in power…and I was right.

d) My best friend got into supervillainy recently, and damned if I’m gonna let them go it alone.

e) I was born for this fucking role. Being evil is FUN.

9. Tell me about your pet.

a) My horse is short and sturdy and it can carry me all across the country.

b) My cat is super old and kind of blind, so I guide it around outside on a leash, but it’s cuddly af.

c) My dog is big enough to guard me when I walk around at night.

d) My fish breed fast and are really tasty. (What? I’M A HUNGRY HOE)

e) My puppy is a so smart, I’m currently training it to fetch the newspaper.

10. Choose a journey to take.

a) Caribbean island trip w/ bae

b) service/learning trip to rural Vietnam w/ a bunch of friends

c) whole family in a bunch of mountain cabins, Alberta, Canada

d) London, UK by myself

e) Cape Town, South Africa for the culture with the cool cousins

11. In a fantasy AU, what magic talisman helped you gain power?

a) the amulet of persuasion

b) the sword of savagery

c) the elixir of love

d) the tome of wizardry

e) the majesty of a swift kick to the ass

12. Pick a classic imagine.

a) hurt/comfort, and y/n is doing the comforting

b) hurt/comfort, and y/n is the one that got hurt

c) y/n and y/n’s significant other go off to war together

d) y/n’s significant other returns from war

e) y/n makes their significant other “feel good” *smirk emoji*

13. What’s a vice of yours?

a) selfishness

b) anger

c) laziness

d) self-righteousness

e) greed

14. What’s a virtue of yours?

a) selflessness

b) patience

c) empathy

d) bravery

e) honor

15. Which Fuck You Tommy moment do you feel most deeply in your soul?

a) Tommy: “The gin?” May: “Too sweet.”

b) Ada: “Do you know how unfair it is that you’ve got four Bugattis when half the country’s starving?”

c) Tommy: “May I smoke?” Linda: “No.”

d) Polly: “Do you know, it was a fine speech you made in there, about this company believing in equal rights for women. But when it comes to it, you don’t listen to a word we say.”

e) Tommy: “If you ever talk about getting lost again, I will cut you from this family.” Esme: “What family?”

16. What’s your free time OTP?

a) knitting & gossiping (read: talking shit)

b) rugby & casual homosexualité

c) cooking & harvesting compliments from guests

d) writing & astral projecting

e) riding horses & becoming one with the earth

17. Pick a knife.

a) swiss army knife

b) penknife

c) butter knife

d) stiletto knife

e) hunting knife

18. What’s one key moment from your relationship with your partner?

a) I was inspired by them to find a cure for a deadly disease, saving thousands, and it was hella romantic

b) I shared my deepest darkest secrets with them through my art and it was hella romantic

c) I proposed to them by using every member of my family holding up cue cards at appropriate moments and it was hella romantic

d) I killed a [insert Immigrant Ethnicity™ here for Maximum Peaky Accuracy] for them and it was hella romantic

e) we rickrolled their grandma and skeedaddled with all the Inheritance Cash and it was hella romantic?

19. Pick a song from 2018.

a) NFWMB by Hozier

b) breathin by Ariana Grande

c) Apeshit by Beyoncé and Jay Z

d) Geyser by Mitski

e) 0 to 100 / The Catch up by Drake (*it’s from 2015 but I’m tired)

20. What’s the mood, babe?

a) country boyyy, I love you

b) THIS BITCH EMPTY, YEET

c) today’s forecast, we can clearly see, is somebody got me fucked UP. fucked UP.

d) pronos and froo-aights and coricles. penapeeples. papaYEAH? banaynays. cantalapoops. shampaganay manjuice. WHAT the…??

e) hi I’m Jared I’m 19 and I never learned how to fukcin read

Great job! Submit your answers (for example, bbacebbdaebaccecdeaa) HERE and I will run the program that evaluates your answers and let you know your match number!

Once you have your match number, you can find it in this masterlist and find out which Peaky characters you’re most compatible with!