#// a more tl;dr is just me saying how hope i can write & do more bc health has been my main drawback for here & phel

[nikawiy]

hopefully i'll eventually get up to being able to do more writing here && obv phel but predominately here. made this bc i thoroughly enjoy writing mothers/motherly/family kinda stuff. kyo kara maoh rpc were like a lil family to me in the past bc i rp'ed the demon brothers' mom. honestly wonderful memories wouldn't trade 'em for the world. i know i shouldn't feel guilty bc this is both low activity for the reason i know my health is awful and also bc hobby and whatnot. just kinda ???? a force of habit from past experiences on old blogs and yadda yadda anons being not so nice bc my past graphic design student butt took a while on longer replies. even tho i shrug at the fact i find it ridiculous now words unfortunately stick so gotta work on that. but yeah. i hope i can eventually write more and throw out stuff like starter/plotting call stuff here & phel. i've just been suffering severe fatigue the past while and unfortunately my family doctor isn't around until march bc she had an emergency to attend to. hope she's okay she's a sweet lady i've seen since i was wee lil. but yeah. late night sleep-deprived bc i cannot breathe ramblings. tl;dr hope i can get to the point to write more and do more stuff bc i wanna. been with wavering health and extreme fatigue so that's been my major block. anyways sorry for a semi-downer but i guess (?) just where i'm at kinda post. i hate talking abt my health bc it's just a constant i'm not anywhere in good health. kinda used to it even tho it's sad i have to be. but yeah. i hope i can get to a stable enough place i can reach out more and write more. i love doing that. y'all also honestly make me feel cozy & nice. glad i gave tumblr rp another shot bc i missed it. yeah this post is long. my tl;dr is p much useless at this point. i'm bad at mindlessly rambling. it's how i learned twt dm & tumblr im have character limits. if you didn't know they do. fun facts with your local floof gremlin. okay i'll shut up for real now.

[sharkboywrites]

Hi, could I make a request for Ace, Leona, and Deuce (or just Leona tbh) with a gn or male mc? Tl;Dr: He tries to impress mc, but somehow does something super cringe worthy and messes up the vibe. Here's a more detailed explanation below, also so sorry if this doesn't make sense/is super long, I'm high and the idea came to me in a prophecy. Hope you're havin' a good night/day :)

He does something to try and impress mc and be romantic/cute. But what they do is actually super cringey to the point where it gives mc secondhand embarrassment. they're trying to be nice about it bc they love their bf, but it's super obvious that they're cringing and it's super awkward and funny (for literally everyone else). And maybe it ends with them laughing about it or something, but the idea just popped into my head and I thought it was funny.

A/n: omg I love this request. I really love Ace and Deuce they’re honestly some of my favorites (although I can’t really pick favorites). Also first writing from my phone because I can’t use my computer rn.

Ace, Deuce, and Leona x male reader, characters do embarrassing things trying to impress their boyfriend, reader is yuu

Ace Trapola

- If there’s anything Ace loves other than you, it’s basket ball

- It makes him feel confident and like he’s the coolest guy on the planet

- And so does his boyfriend. So what amazing idea does he come up with?

- Well why not combine both?

- And that’s how you go invited to one of his games

- In his mind, this is perfect, a basketball game with his amazing boyfriend cheering him on from the sidelines, what could be more perfect?

- Or that’s how he sees it…

- He’s not doing… great per say

- In reality he’s missing passes, Bradley able to catch a pass himself, and the sneaker squeaking is starting to drive you crazy

- But you sit there really, really, trying to be supportive

- The final straw is when he takes a shot and instead of going into the basket, it comes right back at him and hits him directly in the face

- Of course you run up to him and make sure he’s okay

- But once he confirms he’s fine, you can’t help but burst into laughter

- It takes you a minute to calm down and when you do Ace is all pouty

- He’ll be mad at you for a bit but he gets over it eventually

- And once he does he admits that yeah, he was doing pretty bad

- It’s now an inside joke between the two of you, you bring it up any time you can

Deuce Spade

- Deuce’s magic is… interesting

- He can summon massive things and personally thinks that it’s really impressive

- But really, it’s only useful in certain situation and when he can actually summon something on purpose

- He thinks that it would be so impressive to use his magic in potions to help you out

- The way he imagines it, you can’t use magic and you’ll be so impressed by his abilities that you’ll thank him by showering him with affection

- Let a man dream, okay?

- What actually happens is a disaster

- He ends up summoning the usual cauldron, which makes a mess of the project the two of you were working on

- You really did try to tell him it was okay, but on the inside it feels like you’re dying

- The both of you end up having to clean the mess and have to start the project over

- The two of you bud up in his room at the end of the day, him with his face in his hands and you doing your best to comfort him just because he’s so embarrassed

- But hey, he did get that affection he wanted in the end so to him, it’s a win

Leona Kingscholar

- Leona doesn’t usually get up and do much

- As you’re definitely aware, Leona’s favorite activity is napping, especially with you

- But when spelldrive practice came up, he couldn’t waste an opportunity to show off how cool he was to his boyfriend

- And guess what? He invited you to join in with practice

- Great…

- It’s not that you don’t enjoy spending time with Leona it’s just that… you’re not very good at this sport, especially with no magic

- Everyone tried to help you out but it was clear that you were just there because Leona wanted you there

- And during practice, you had a repeat of what happened in this first spelldrive

- Frisbee to the head again

- Listen Leona didn’t know his magic was gonna go haywire and hit you

- He’s quickly by your side, making sure you’re okay

- When you finally get your bearings, thankfully not getting knocked out this time, you can’t help but start laughing

- You don’t think you’ve ever seen Leona’s face get redder

- After that practice gets called off and Leona drags you off to his room

- You’re forced to lay there for however long Leona decides to keep you

- in his words this was your “punishment for embarrassing him”

- In reality, he felt bad for hurting you, but he wouldn’t admit it because he’s all grumpy

- So you lay there, petting his hair as he hugs you close, and also with an ice pack on your currently bruising forehead

I honestly had so much fun with writing this. Writing these three characters are honestly so fun. Currently trying to get as many requests as I can done because I’m definitely running behind on these, sorry. Ty for reading and have a great day

[daipeanutsaiban]

Hello! Um I know it's been a few months since you said people could ask you more questions on your tgaa thoughts, but I was hoping to ask about your baskerzieks and genshinxwife ones. Like how they met, or what their last in person convos went like before each couple separated/died, etc, bc I really adore your Lady B & Mrs. Asougi designs! They deserved first names 😭

Also I'd love to hear your genklint/ville thoughts too if you care to share those!

ALSO I wanted to say you're 100% correct that if Kazuma & Klint ever actually met good ending au Kazuma would think he's the most annoying person alive. It's funny if genklint is platonic or romantic too, it's like Herlock Sholmes is right there and instead Kazuma thinks his dad's bf (best friend OR boyfriend lol) is significantly worse. Something something hating your parallel

Anyway no pressure, and sorry if you aren't looking to answer more questions at this time!

HI i love to yap and to yap about dgs especially so you're good haha <3 i'm the kind of person who needs to be asked tbh bc i tend to be self conscious/doubt myself so questions are always super appreciated 🥹💗 this post got LONG so i'm going to put it under a break to spare anyone who's just here for art or trying to look at memes during their lunch break

TL;DR: klint and primrose were engaged as kids but it was broken off upon his parents' death, it was renewed when he earned prestige as a prosecutor; their last conversation was when primrose forced him to confess his crimes to her but she'd started having doubts months ago; in my favorite hc, gkv never pursued one another beyond dropping hints here and there but because i am bisexual i also want them to have fun; genshin and yukari met by chance as teens and genshin had to convince his father to let them marry each other after finding out she was pregnant; he could never say his last words to her because writing about the professor's identity could've endangered her and kazuma.

first of all thank you so much, it makes me so happy when people enjoy my designs and characterizations for lady baskerville and mrs asougi!! for clarity, i'll be calling them by the names i gave them in this post, primrose and yukari respectively.

klint and primrose's engagement was decided by their parents and they met as children- i think they were probably feeling awkward around each other for a while since children don't really care about such things (right..?) and primrose actually chose to spend her time reading when her father would take her to visit, and she might've even been more interested in talking/playing with barok because there wouldn't be the daunting idea of an engagement looming on the horizon lol. eventually, she and klint do grow closer and come to consider each other friends thanks to him putting in a lot of effort to make her feel welcome and also have more fun (she finds him boring- i characterize klint as having been a very serious and dutiful child, though he does play with and dote on his brother).

when the van zieks parents die in my hc, losing their life in a fire specifically, primrose's father chooses to cancel their engagement because he doubts klint can suitably provide for his daughter- a cruel but logical decision as klint is just fourteen years old with no backing or achievements. as an aside, the fire is declared to be an unfortunate accident but klint silently believes it was premeditated- this incident contributes to him considering prosecution as a career. out of care for his brother, he never brings up this idea to barok.

still, primrose is a very clever child who's acutely aware that her father's doting is a form of control (such as making her wear beautiful, white clothes to easily find out if she's been sneaking out, which i think i talked about before), and she insists on meeting klint either at his estate or in the city while they both (and occasionally barok) wear disguises/common clothes. the latter option allows them to meet people outside of their social caste, and to develop a sympathy for them from an early age which also contributes to klint's growing bitterness towards other nobles. throughout his struggle to be taken seriously by these men in spite of his age, primrose continuously encourages him and even spies on her father's meetings with other gentlemen to then report to him, and this continues in their adult life with her reporting rumors and "gossip" from other ladies about their own husbands (with perhaps dire consequences in the long run, haha...)

primrose has ambitions of her own, though, many of which are philanthropic in nature and stem from guilt at being born in a wealthy household to a father who does not care about people other than his own. they are difficult to achieve as an unmarried woman (or even as a woman in general), as her father would never greenlight her ideas, and as such she becomes enraged with klint when he allows the engagement to be dispelled due to believing she would ultimately "be happier with someone else" when it would effectively condemn any ounce of freedom she could have. from primrose's perspective, klint is the only candidate for marriage because he actually respects her and understands her as a person.

their engagement was eventually reinstated following klint's multiple achievements, chiefly when he made a name for himself as an extremely prolific prosecutor and primrose's father couldn't really object to it (ha) anymore. when i researched, i learned that men in the victorian era would commonly get married in their thirties once their careers were established, and i especially like that for this couple because it means that genshin could've attended their wedding. (it's also amusing to picture klint pitching him as the best man while primrose is firmly in barok's camp and they have a silly spat about that, haha. but ngl i prefer genshin as their best man because it was tradition that the best man would drive the married couple to their month long honeymoon directly after the ceremony so. he could stay behind a little while if you catch my meaning. teehee)

on the topic of genklintville, my ultimate preference/personal "canon" is that they never outright acted upon their romantic or sexual interests in one another although the tension was clearly there. but like any bisexual on the internet, i like to indulge a little bit, as shown in my previous paragraph hehe. i like to imagine a kind of kinship between genshin and primrose as they are interested in similar literature and share a similar sense of humor as well (chiefly teasing klint- in a deadpan manner for genshin). klint and primrose tend to dote on genshin in a way they think is discreet, because they can sense his loneliness at being apart from his family even though he generally doesn't voice it, but as we all know genshin isn't a fool and it leaves him quite flustered haha. genshin also relates to klint in the way that they are both heirs to something "greater than them" (the asogi clan/the van zieks heritage) and sometimes yearn to break away from it which might contribute to why genshin left for london if the first place. i'd like to add that if i draw genklint without primrose present, it's taking place with her knowledge and consent, though them being pushed to cheating due to increasing stress or suchlike circumstances is an interesting angle- it's just not something i see myself making at present. though now saying that has made me think about the ways it could be fun to explore the way klint's lying and gaslighting keeps piling up, so what's one more lie? so i'd be interested in reading a story that would attest to his guilt from committing the act and his gaslighting towards not only his wife but also to himself, hmm. the best way that i can put it is that if i'm to explore gk without the v, she must be a relevant character because i'm not about to discard a canon female love interest to focus solely on the yaoi lmao.

now for genshin and yukari, or genyu for short as i like to call it in my head (lol)... there's a lot to cover here too 😵‍💫 some of this, particularly the stuff concerning ayame, is still undecided on but i thought the more context the better!

to understand their dynamic, it feels important to state/repeat my headcanons about the asogi clan aka genshin's immediate family beyond her and kazuma, which were mentioned here. but to summarize, they are very patriarchal, strict, and the type to suppress their emotions. genshin is his father's illegitimate child, and his real mother is... hm, well, she won't ever appear in my art because it's suitable for her character, but she's a high ranking courtesan, aka "oiran", and therefore pregnancy/being a mother could bring shame to her and likely ruin her livelihood, because they are meant to project the image of being unattainable both in appearance.. and price. her disappearing for some months to a year wouldn't be all that suspicious as few men can even afford to meet her.

because the oiran brings the House where she works good money, they help her cover up her pregnancy and her son's existence by sending him to live with his father as soon as possible. once, genshin tries to visit his mother, but he is turned away. in short, his first experience was to be abandoned by someone who was supposed to love him. i think this backstory also serves to give reason to his name (written with the kanji 'shadow' and 'truth') because he is a truth meant to be hidden by the government. if you think about his father giving him that name, it becomes quite sad and implies shame for bringing his son into the world. i think it would also justify the personality i like for him, which is more reserved and serious than how i portray the rest of the visiting trio (with a boisterous but ambitious seishiro and a downtrodden but shy and earnest yuujin), and with a greater disposition for being suspicious... which is naturally a good thing for a detective.

genshin's father's wife lost her life to an illness some years prior to genshin integrating into the asogi clan, which is why he sought comfort from the oiran. to avoid unsavory rumors and to preserve both women's reputation, syoma (genshin's father) forbids his son from venturing outside of the house - paralleling primrose's childhood, which they could bond over later in life - until he turns a certain age. he's the dark sheep of the clan, to make it short. it's by sneaking out as a child that he meets seishiro, and then yukari who is accompanying ayame.

as an aside, i want to add that while syoma holds misogynistic beliefs, he still feels a sense of responsibility so he does eventually pay off the oiran's debt in the end- not that she's particularly grateful since he led her on and made her promise not to abort his child without ever planning to marry her. not a great guy, but def a fun character to write. those are things genshin deduces in his teenage years, and he swears to never become like his father.

as for yukari, her family history is also nebulous, and i don't know if i even want to establish her circumstances before meeting ayame and genshin because i like the meta irony of those details remaining unknown to us just as they were unknown to those around her outside of how she is tied to other people. ayame's friend, genshin's wife, kazuma's mother- never her own person. she reaches a breaking point during genshin's absence, but i won't go into detail about that for now because it's part of a long project of mine. what i can say about her is that she does housework for ayame's family in exchange for room and board, but she's not categorized as a servant because ayame cherishes her, a privilege that makes her feel awkward at times.

genshin fell for her due to her frank and joyful approach to life which was so different from the outlook he was raised on, and she piqued his curiosity with her unusual and often "silly", but free, behavior. he has the utmost respect for her, which is why as much as i like gkv and think it could work in a modern au with yukari's inclusion/approval + rapid methods of communication, i think realistically genshin wouldn't have the heart to start anything with someone else when she is waiting for his every letter so far away. he wouldn't be able to read the expression on her face, and she could easily lie about being okay with it.

in this wikipedia article about marriage in japan in the edo period (1600-1868), it reads: "Members of the household were expected to subordinate all their own interests to that of the [household], with respect for an ideal of filial piety and social hierarchy. [...] Marriages were duly arranged by the head of the household, who represented it publicly and was legally responsible for its members, and any preference by either principal in a marital arrangement was considered improper."

you might've guessed where i'm going with this, but genshin's father had already chosen a wife for him, and that person was ayame, who is from a 'good' family. obviously that marriage didn't go through with yukari becoming pregnant at 18 or 19 (!!), and syoma capitulated to genshin's request that he be given permission to marry his girlfriend which only further strained his relationship with his father further. as for ayame, she was fortunate that the man she was interested in was studying medicine, and therefore struggled less for her family to accept yuujin as her husband. but for yukari, although she knows genshin doesn't love ayame, there's always that nagging feeling that she was the "wrong" choice. after all, she has to witness the interactions between genshin and his family every day, and her presence is often the source of tension. her only rock after ayame's death and genshin's departure is her son, who starts rejecting spending time with her as he grows older because, well, he's a teenager (something i want to expand on in that project i mentioned).

in yukari's case, she was never able to read her husband's last words as even writing about the professor's identity could endanger hers and kazuma's lives, but perhaps genshin had promised he would briefly return at the half-way point of his stay overseas and then ended up having to break that promise by choosing to investigate the professor killings before eventually losing his life. yukari's feelings of helplessness were confirmed as the truth in her eyes then.

as for primrose and klint's last conversation, it's been sitting in my wips for a while LOL. i def think she had her suspicions, and when she finally gathered her courage to confront him, he broke down and told her the truth. i've revised this comic and especially its dialogue so many times that i don't even know if i like it anymore, please pray for me 😅

It's funny if genklint is platonic or romantic too, it's like Herlock Sholmes is right there and instead Kazuma thinks his dad's bf (best friend OR boyfriend lol) is significantly worse.

this made me laugh LMAO honestly kazuma would be so petty about it meanwhile i feel like he'd get along super well with the man's own wife 😂 i also think that as an adult kazuma would admire his father less and even be a bit of a tsundere lol, but yeah in a No One Dies/Good Ending AU(tm) he'd probably resent genshin a little for leaving him and his mother, whose struggles he witnessed firsthand for ten years. hell, maybe he does resent him in the current circumstances even if it's not the dominant emotion when it comes to his father, it of course being grief... still. lord van zieks get your paws off my dad!! 🙄💢 also if genshin starts reciprocating the attention kazuma might start killing LOL

...this answer is now well over 2000 words and i still feel like i'm leaving things out i feel CRAZY omg. autism diagnosis unnecessary atp lmfao.

also just found this in my #yukanotes i should've just copy pasted all this augh. i love yukari very much she is extremely dear to me. 😊💗

thanks again for your questions I'M SORRY IT'S SO LONG....... i DO love to yap 🥹🥹💗

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

i love love love the new fic and im sooooooo excited for where you'll take this 🥰❤️

just curious, could i ask how many chapters ur planning for the new fic? like just in general, cause i know that can change from time to time - but like how long do u see it going on for?

i'm sorry it was too funny not to slap those at the start,,

genuinely? on a hopeful estimate? i want to say 30-40.

realistically? i've no fucking clue. i'm so sorry. that's like- a running joke at this point here. i do not control the chapter count or word count. i just write. when i think it's only going to take five more chapters, there's 200k words after it. when i say we're nearing the end, we end up on the first third.

so like- the safest thing i can say is that it shouldn't be longer than cyanide. but like. fuck if i know if that's actually going to turn out being true. plus it could still be longer than cyanide on word count even if it has less chapters given cyanide only started hitting 9k words average per chapter on like... chapter 30 and up i think. whereas jadeite's chapters are all 8-9k (i know there's only 4 so far but still) not to mention, 'not longer than cyanide' doesn't tell you much given cyanide is- quite big.

so uh- TL;DR - i'm sorry i just have no fucking clue LMAO

fun fact though- i know i laugh about it and i honestly am more flaberghasted by it than annoyed? about this not being able to control the lenght fo a fic thing. but i won't lie and say i sometimes wish i could bc then i could like- coordinate chapter titles.

geuinely the only reason why most of my fics have no chapter titles is bc i've always wanted to coordinate them, and only a few fics on the shorter side lend themselves to having basic chapter names about stuff that happens in the chapter (like babysitting and every good intention). not that i couldn't do that for the others, but i just wanted to coordinate them from the start, but ended up not doing that since well. you know.

so the actual fun fact is that i actually started jadeite- obviously for various reasons, but one of the things that got me writing was the idea that i could coordinate the chapter titles of this zhongli-centric fic idea i had to one very specific song's lyrics. as in, have each verse be a chapter title.

for that reason alone i really, really want jadeite to have 37 chapters in specific. but since i know that's mostly wishful thinking, i've left the chapters titleless. if i somehow actually manage to get it to stick to 37 (i'll take 38 or 39 even, could probably fit it in 40 as well), then i'll change the chapter titles to what i had originally intended them to be. but we'll have to see if the fic ends up matching the draft i had when it comes to matching the lyrics. or we could accept it's just for the cool aspect of it and have some chapter's titles have nothing to do with the chapter, all in the name of being able to open the chapter index and read an entire song that does vibe with the fic as a whole hahah

[taeiun]

TAEIUN UPDATE (05/07/24)

hello everyone!! im not sure how many of you still keep up with this blog and i am so sorry for being inactive for so long (a full month sheesh…) and for not posting anything for longer than that! i have a couple updates, some good some bad, and a few changes i want to make to this blog.

TL;DR: canceling the beomgyu smau + possible future redo, temporary archive of this blog, future works planned.

O1. from the lack of of updates and the low interactions ive gotten, i think you guys can already guess that the beomgyu smau i posted back in march was going to be terminated at some point. it’s not that ive lost full interest in the plot. im just unhappy woth the setup and also dont have things flushed out to where i think an smau would work as a format. i do hope to publish it again some time in the future but for now, that post will be taken down.

O2. again, based off my inactivity i dont think it’s much of a surprise for me to say im going to be temporarily archiving this blog. that doesnt mean im never coming back! its just that right now i dont know how long it’ll be before i get back into a consistent writing schedule again. think of it just as an extended hiatus; the main difference is that im calling it an archive in case i dont come back at all. ofc ill announce if im going for good but this is just in case.

O3. i dont think i’ll be gone for good (knock on wood) so while i stay kind of inactive, there a few things im changing up here.

declutterring: going to be deleting spam posts and tidying up my blog to make the viewing experience more pleasurable!! i have a second blog where i ramble and shit post so i dont need this one for it.

reposts of old works: i dont have the time as of now to be working on brand new shiny content, so i hope people dont mind me possibly reposting a couple of my fave older stuff from my previous blog.

O4. i am crafting new things! they just wont be out for a while. a few things on my mind are:

zb1 apocalypse au: i have standalone fics for all the members and i hope to get this done at least before calling it quits. taerae my boy…

a couple different possible supernatural!skz smau mini series: little bit on the fence with these ones bc im not fully into skz (despite saying i write for them lol) so im not sure how much passion i can put into this project. if not the mini series, then i’ll be working on a minho fic within that au instead!

i think that about sums up where this blog is going. in general ive been good. busy with school and idea of uni but good-ish. ive been enjoying life for itself and got closer with one of my irls which has been so nice :DD im also facing a bit of a writer’s slump bc of the mental switch from a heavy math and science academics semester to an only analytical and writing semester. honestly, i really do want to keep this blog around. its just hard when my interest in kpop as a whole has dwindled down so fast? like its crazy how quickly i kind of got over this phase ngl- but yeah! thats it for me <33

thanks for sticking to the end of this if you did! no hard feelings if you didnt. its funny i say that bc they wouldnt be able to see this if they didnt but oh well. that’s all from me for today!!

— ur fave, sol / jun.

[dr-milfi]

So, I didn’t think I had the self control to watch just one episode of the Sopranos per week since I’ve been basically binge watching it non stop for about 15-20 watches. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to do Sopranos Sunday bc sometimes participation in fandom ruins a thing for me. But I’m pleasantly surprised at how nice it’s been! I never really noticed how much binge culture robbed me of truly savoring a series or of more mindfully participating in fandom discussions and activities. Forcing myself to watch one episode per week and really sink into the discourse is such an unexpected treat. It’s really making me focus more on the nuances of that singular episode and all the little treasures inside of it. It also makes me excited for Sundays and builds up this unique anticipation that I don’t get when I’m anxiously binge watching a show.

I didn’t really engage in Sopranos fandom bc the groups online are generally composed of middle aged, white, het-cis men who skew towards racism and homophobia and lack the insight needed to understand and deconstruct the genius of this series. It’s fine to watch Sopranos on the surface and just enjoy it, but if you watch it and think Chase made these characters to be emulated then you’re really missing the mark. And if you watch it and actually emulate the characters you’re just a terribly ignorant person and are causing harm to others (which I’ve seen in groups online). Until recently, there wasn’t much traction for the Sopranos on Tumblr, maybe bc it’s an older series and Tumblr users tend to be younger and more current with their media? Idk. At any rate, I hope a more progressive audience will change the general demographic and make the Sopranos fandom a better place to be.

Also on my wish list, more fanfics!! Can you believe for a show as old and as critically acclaimed as the Sopranos, there are only 130 fics on AO3? 130!! And 25 of them are mine 🤣😬😩 Anyway, it would be great to see more fan works in general because this brilliant series that I love so much deserves them and is so inspiring.

Tl;dr, Sopranos Sunday= good and I like it here. Also write the fics and make the arts. As Dr. Melfi says, “Hope comes in many forms.”

[russellshaws]

I hope you don't mind me asking, but what was the longest time you've spent writing and editing a story before posting? And what made you decide it was the time to post it when you did? I'm just curious.

this is actually such an interesting question to think about and i don't mind you asking at all! going from writing a draft to publishing is an interesting process for me because @timlucys edits all my fics, so i crush through a draft and then she reads it and (if we have time) lets it marinate a little before she edits.

let me just say this: if you are a writer, the best thing i can ever recommend to you is finding a best friend who will edit your work for you and be brutally honest about what they think. not only is it great that she will tell me what needs to be changed/isn't working, but she'll recognize that there are days i probably can't hear that and take editing off the table bc it won't be productive for either of us. that being said, i do think because there are 2 cooks in the kitchen editing does take a bit longer - but my work comes out a hell of a lot stronger than if i were editing it myself. there's just a level of distance with someone else's eyes on it that i couldn't achieve on my own.

anyway: i would say the longest i've ever gone from drafting to editing to posting is probably like...a year and a half? i wrote everything you've ever dreamed is at your fingertips (a barchie fic rather than a chenford one) from like, july to december of 2020, and it didn't get posted until august 2021 – but it's a massive fic and it needed a lot of work. between taking time away from it, revising, and also weaving in and out of that fandom...that's probably the longest process i've had.

that will change when, eventually, i post the stupidly long chenford fic i wrote post season 3/pre season 4 - but that's another work in progress that we're still kind of figuring out how to navigate.

anyway, tl;dr - about a year and a half, give or take! that's a long time, obviously, but i think i'm always someone who feels ready to jump the gun to post and becca will kinda pull me back to be like "hey, maybe not yet, let's work on this a little more," which almost always makes my work 5-8x better in the long run. i hope this answers your question!

[perexcri]

That fic was !!! Wordsmith Perexcri strikes again because you always seem to know how to weave them!!!

(This is Fannon btw)

The imagery of Never Have I Ever on the eve of the Apocalypse—it’s like. I can’t even explain why I think it’s so cool—it’s sort of like almost an anachronism? but instead of something modern in a historical setting, it’s something so so normal when nothing in the world is normal. Idk I just woke up and I have a cold so idk if that made any sense, just know that I enjoy it.

Also, ‘All he knows is, each night, when Will rolls over to the edge of the bed they share and Mike’s eyes bore in to his bedroom wall, they always snag against a bloody, crimson heart on a shield, and he thinks he’d been stupid to ever believe anybody else could know him like Will does.’ BEAUTIFUL SO SO MUCH I am going to have this tattooed on the inside of my eyelids so I can look at it forever.

I hope you are doing very well!

(,,,I told my friends I would try to do this off anon for Once, bc I want to be your friend but,,,,I’m a coward☺️)

Thank you for being such a lovely writer!

!! hello fannon!! i hope you recover from your cold soon!! i am sending you a cup of warm soup to ward the illness away~

(this one got long so i'm gonna put the rest under the cut!!)

i'm so glad you liked it!! honestly i think this fic has become my fav i've written this year, so it brings me joy to see others liking it as well :D

what you're saying makes total sense!! i love when the mundane is contrasted with the horrific, like two teenagers playing never have i ever when they both think they're gonna die the next day. i always find little human moments like that impact me more than, like, an extended action sequence

i didn't explicitly use it as inspiration for this fic, but i do think i drew a little from buffy the vampire slayer (like with most apocalypse byler stuff i've written lol) for that contrast!! that show does such a good job of contrasting the mundane and quiet with the loud and horrific. i did think a little about the very last episode of buffy on the night before the big final battle, and there's this very quiet shot of buffy and spike sharing a bed in her basement,,,that's kinda the vibe i was going for, and i felt happy with how it came out in the actual story :D

AHHHH i love when people point out lines they like!! that's one of my favorites from this one - i remember writing it last night and kinda staring at my screen for a second like "oh. okay. don't know where that came from but i guess we'll roll with it" lol

FANNONNNNNN please please please don't feel like you have to keep using anon!! i would love to be your friend!! honestly a big reason why i post fics or do stuff on tumblr is because i want to talk with other people who are suffering from the same brainrot as me!! i've literally had full-blown conversations in the comments on some of my fics because i've really enjoyed getting to talk to other people (even though my social anxiety makes it very hard sometimes to talk but i'm being so brave about it). and honestly, i think fandom stuff is supposed to feel more like a communal thing?? idk i love responding to comments or getting asks or getting your messages anytime i post something because it makes it feel like i'm interacting with other people who like similar things as me, rather than me just like,,,mindlessly pushing stuff out into the void and never hearing anything back, or something like that. idk if that makes sense, but tl;dr: i would love to be your friend!! (but if you are too anxious about it i totally understand because, again, re: social anxiety)

thank you once again for stopping by fannon!! your words always mean a lot to me, and i hope you get to feeling better soon!! :] 💜💜💜

[halfelven]

Genuine question, what movies are you talking about in that post? Bc I can't think of any that fit that description but I'm also not a big movie person so I may just have been lucky with the ones I've seen dkjsfa

disclaimer! don’t @ me saying to watch better movies! i do! i just watch a LOT of movies! i like to see what’s going out there since i study media*

also i know this is badly written. i have not pulled myself together after a very long year and a half

this got rambly so i’m putting my tl;dr here: comedy feels stagnant to me, and that makes me feel weird when it comes to things (some of which are aimed at kids/teens)

okay so if you don’t watch a lot of movies you probably missed them! the kind of movies i was thinking about are mostly comedies that are aimed at teens but really just don’t feel right. just stupid forgettable movies that will have a random adult (maybe a teacher) make some comment about back in their day. and they just feel off in a very specific way where it’s like idk who is writing this but i don’t think they have a grasp of what is going on

probably due to being rich

i am terrible with titles and names and i’m currently in the wilderness so i’m not too confident matching scenes to titles

(also that post was slamming together a few themes i’ve seen repeated in different movies and shows and they are not all american. some are canadian/uk/australia but i use the ‘too movies’ or ‘too much (blank) on tv’ thing as a joke)

also some of the movies/shows are marketed to adults not teens. they also carry with some of those themes. um. working moms (show) is canadian and i’m not sure if they’re millennial or gen x but they have a lot of weird recurring issues with ‘ooh scary generation gap with my kids.’

and i think um. i’m trying to remember the name. idk it stars the australian woman who was in pitch perfect and she’s in a coma and wakes up 20 years later and goes back to school and they make the slur jokes. that is the one i watched most recently. i was having a hard time with trying to figure out who the target audience was… can’t remember the name and i watched it last week

another movie i can’t remember the name of that i think was marketed at teens also had the weird ‘oh the climate change protest kids just want attention’ gimmick that the movie with the pitch perfect woman had

is sarah jessica parker gen x? her new sec and the city show is Wild. one of the groups presentations in my media discourse class was about the representation of sexual minorities between the old sex and the city and the new sex and the city. i can try to find one of the articles they referenced in that because how the new one is almost more isolating is really interesting

which is kind of a trend? a ohh boo hoo don’t yell at me mean minorities!! i’m trying!! kind of vibe that runs through a lot of new movies/shows

like there is this distinct weirdness that is coming in with media created by white female comedians (i say female bc i tend to watch movies with female leads) amy palmer or pohler or whatever her name is. she has a movie out like 5 years ago? it had this teenage girl finding her mom’s old punk albums or something

but basically i had been watching a bunch of comedy things with female leads and so many are just weird. like it was leaving me wondering like what are the shows/movies teens are getting that feel somewhat authentic?

obviously movies are weird and there aren’t a lot of good ones that really stand out. and there have been constant jokes about how young people are portrayed in media for forever probably

but i think that movies are a good medium for comfort and hope, maybe especially for children and teens. you don’t have to have the energy to read to yourself. you can watch it when you’re doing something else with your hands. or are sick.

it’s the visuals. and the music. the way you can do something else while getting a story. they are very human.

and comedies are much harder to do than dramas. but they have a different sort of catharsis. i don’t know. people tend to downplay them as just stupid when there is a deep connection humans try to have through humour. i’m rambling but i just really love comedies and i love stories for children and stories for teens and i think they’re all downplayed as. being stupid. or easy. like you don’t have to try.

i’m sorry this just turned into rambling. maybe writers just went too far with the ‘set things in high school bc a.) kids will make emotional decisions that you wouldn’t see an adult character make b.) your characters are trapped in that environment c.) unlike college, they are trapped with other characters on mostly the same schedule and d.) they still see breakups etc as life and death situations’ advice that they give writers (this is paraphrased from several screenwriting guides i’ve read)

but idk i’m just bothered by the comedies i’ve been watching. and comedies do tend to show a lot about the current state of the world. comedies and horror are both downplayed genres that show a lot.

again sorry this is rambly. i don’t have energy to find my sources. there are interesting theories on comedy out there that just make me feel weird about what i’m seeing. like it’s so stagnant. that’s my tl;dr

most comedies i’ve seen lately seem stagnant

*i have a degree in this so i feel bad that i’m not pulling sources bc it feels like plagiarism at points

[revasserium]

was in the middle of reading ur latest daichi work and you describes reader as having twin tails. curious, but who do you picture when writing reader? do you picture yourself or a blob or someone with more distinct features but still mostly faceless, etc?? :O

so actually it's quite interesting bc i don't imagine myself or any particular person as "reader", so that's why usually the descriptions of 'reader' are left quite ambiguous.

but! sometimes when i write a fic, i'll kind of see the scene in my head and like a physical aspect/feature would come to me, not because of aesthetics or anything, but bc the story needs it to be there. lsdkf it sounds weird but lemme see if i can explain it properly...

so. usually when i'm writing a thing, i see it playing out in my head like scenes from a tv show/movie. and for this when i was writing i knew that daichi would fixate on reader's pigtails, and that its one of the things he'd notice as a time-marker. it also kind of works to show their closeness -- the fact that he can like reach out and touch her hair without thinking about it, that kind of thing.

and also, i immediately knew i wanted reader to be the kind of person to wear her hair in twin braids, pinned up -- i knew that she'd be the kind of person who would eventually know how to braid her own hair, and in my mind, daichi had probably watched her do it during class, sitting a couple rows behind her, just like absently sort of noticing.

so in this case, the hair/pigtails/braids/specific hairstyle is used as a motif rather than a cosmetic indicator, and that's how i like to function when it comes to describing appearances for any of my characters -- what does this physical thing say about them? why is it being noticed? why should we pay attention to it? how does that change over time?

but tl;dr to answer ur initial question, i don't actually ever have any specific "character" in mind :) it's not myself or a blob... but i do think that i naturally base some things off myself just bc i write from experience so u__u yeah! i hope that helps!

[headless-horsepossum]

this may be a silly question but. what does an editor Do. I ask b/c I might need that service but don't even know I need that service.... hope this doesn't come across rude I'm just genuinely curious

Not silly or rude!! it's a fair question cause there are a bunch of different kinds of editors.

Basically, if you're working on something, (written work in my case but there are like video editors and audio editors and all that too,) you can send it to an editor and they'll help you get it ready for Whatever You Want To Use It For.

.....this got long lmao so i'm putting the rest under a cut ig

I'm very freelance (bc i'm disabled and don't have a degree 🥴) so i take whatever projects come my way, which atm means a lot of Masters and PhD level dissertations/theses, because my mom works for a university that has a lot of international and first-higher-education-degree students but DOESN'T HAVE A WRITING CENTER for some reason, so I'm usually like half editor half writing coach. Which is to say, an editor for a publishing house probably does much different work than I do and tbh I don't know Anything about what they do lol.

but how *my* job works is:

you send me a draft of your project.

I learn as much as i can about the end destination and audience of your project.

(this is a lot easier if you're writing, like, a Memoir or a Pamphlet For An Art Show, and a lot harder if I have to Read The Chicago Style Manual) (Chicago Style is probably fine but their style manual is fucking wack and i stand by that)

I read your project and i mark anything that is either a.) unclear or b.) Against The Rules Of Your Intended Destination

So like, if you're writing a masters thesis, I'm strict with grammar and with formatting. The style your institution is using probably has rules about whether you can use first person, and when you use italics, and whether your citations go in a bibliography or in footnotes or w/e.

If you're writing a Novel, I can be a lot looser with the rules and just look for: is this effective? what is this line Doing? is it doing it well? Does What It's Doing Actually Need To Be Done Right Now?

(editing fiction/creative nonfiction is WAY more fun but i don't get to do it very often. sigh)

I put my suggestions in the document you've sent me, with Track Changes on so you can see everything I've changed. I add comments to the doc wherever I think they're necessary/helpful.

I send the doc with my edits back to you

You (hopefully) read through and decide whether each edit makes sense to you. (this is the most important step, honestly)

If they make sense and you're happy with the resulting draft, my job is done and we shake hands and depart as friends.

If you have questions, or the edits require extensive rewrites, we ideally meet over zoom or w/e and I explain my suggestions to you, and we figure out how to Make The Words Do What You Want Them To Do. You send the doc to me again and I do as much of a second pass as you want/Will Pay Me For.

It's worth noting that there are different *levels* of editing, too. I've done jobs where I'm just checking grammar, or where I'm just checking formatting; I've also done jobs where I meet with the author and we basically write the piece together (which is really fun, actually, I like sitting down and asking, like, "okay, what are you trying to say," and figuring out how to help YOU figure out how YOU want to say it. it's like detective work :3 or therapy possibly). Those all take different levels of time and energy, so for student papers I end up with a lot of, like, "this could really use a thorough content edit/rewrite but it's Due In A Week so we're gonna make sure everything's spelled write and the footnotes are formatted correctly." (which i HATE doing btw, it's a perfectly reasonable thing to do but it Hurts My Brain bc it feels like I'm not Doing My Best which is Hell.)

anyway, the tl;dr is: editors take writing and suggest changes that will make it Perform Its Intended Function Better. the actual act of editing takes a lot of work, and often a degree of background research, too. tip your editors, is what i'm saying.

[oswlld]

this is the one time i will address a reply, since i am seeing a lot of this coming up in my notes and do want to clarify that i agree w you wholeheartedly and i NEVER made any claim that i was happy with the ending or that gaining his sight back served the story any justice.

i would go more into how irked i was with some of the takes and how they put other people in the disability spectrum down, but ppl have done a better job of conveying my exact thoughts/criticisms in the tags already so i'll direct everyone's attention below

#okay i had mashed potatoes and now i'm back and i want to make this the first post i reblog about it#because it's such an important perspective to keep in mind when phrasing analysis/rants/disappointments with the choice made with the endin#states of ability come and go across people's life times#and nobody has the right to diminish those experiences or dictate how people manage/treat their bodily challenges.#it *is* a nuanced conversation in disability spaces#it *is* a nuanced thing which is rarely considered in disability policies in larger systems#that said - and i can only ever give my own opinion with the consideration of other perspectives - last twilight did not tell that story#and to say it did feels like an incredibly generous-hearted read. and maybe i'm just too jaded to read this text that way but#15 minutes at the end of 12 weeks. with the tone of a dcom pairing the spares that look inconveniently gay.#as a tidy bow or cherry on top to complete a state of happiness#or the only way to fulfil on the message of hope. it was slapdash and insulting#and if the people involved wanted me to read that as a nuanced subject treatment then they had a lot further to go before they earned it#but again: that's just my opinion#and i will not be villifying people who do identify with day's recovery trajectory because that's fucking real#but as a story? in execution? for the permanently disabled AND the temporarily/episodically disabled? this was a failure to me#and i feel like i've been made a fool of by a creator i respected (if did not totally trust)#he bit off more than he could chew and i won't be swallowing it unfortunately#last twilight (via @icouldhyperfixatehim)

#this is an important perspective i didnt consider#the ending still definitely fell apart because of how day and mhoks relationship was handled with mhoks grief never being given care#and day never stepping up and emotionally supporting him and letting mhok shoulder undeserved blame for their break up#but i will keep this in mind about the disability rep aspect (via @yourstormthlaylirahh)

#this is a really important point!!#i didnt discuss this in my post bc i didnt wanna make it too long#but its so so so important to note that it does show a real part of disability and it will resonate with disabled people still!#just because i dont like the representation doesnt mean its extremely nuanced to call it bad representation through and through#thank you op for sharing this#i did pt in high school and was pretty much fine but i stopped and now im back to struggling#its just like… frustrating to have to do it for the rest of my life just so i can walk without pain idk#disability sucks who would have guessed lol#last twilight (thanks again @biolums)

#good perspective to be shared#i watched the show from the perspective of someone with a permanent disability#so the ending was not what i would have liked to see#BUT its good to see what the ending looks like from another pov#last twilight the series (via @infinitelyprecious)

#haven’t seen ep 11 or 12 yet#but this is a really important perspective#i’m not disabled so i didn’t feel comfortable commenting after the donor revelation at the end of ep 10#but i was feeling similarly in terms of calling it a waste for the surgery to potentially work#please think while you’re writing and before you post… it’s just a show but your comments can affect real people#last twilight#last twlight the series (via @semantic-vegas)

and lastly,

#thank you so much for sharing jessi#and this really is what i wanna put out there bc you can say it’s a story or a character and the whole point is to show someone living#happily with a disability#but when from the start they talk about the fact this is from an accident and they’re waiting on surgery you know it’s gonna happen#this wasn’t the story of someone living with a disability for life it was someone encountering what living like that is like but not giving#up and looking for hope and I don’t think you should hate on the show for rewarding that hope#it’s a different story and I don’t like when people hate on a story for what they want and expected it to be#it’s better to take what is given to you and dissect why you did or didn’t like what they do#and the reason why I didn’t like what they did is bc we didn’t get to see enough of the journey day was on getting his sight back and what#his life afterwards is like bc the message could’ve been that we need to be more considerate of people with disabilities and find ways to#make them feel included and give them their own spaces and show how day with his sight can still be part of those spaces#a journey is not dictated by its endpoint so it’s not about hating on the ending where he can see it’s looking at why that ending didn’t#work and it’s bc we didn’t get to see the whole journey#last twilight (via @jemmo)

tl;dr we are on the same page, it's all good.

i don't want to go into too much detail about my life and how i connected to LT, but just know i am not entirely comfortable with what i am seeing on my dash. a few years ago circumstances lead to me losing my hearing for majority of a year and then became hard hearing for a period of time before i regained my hearing back. its not fully where it used to be but that loss, that hope, and what you take with you on the other side stays with you long after the recovery. i know because i see it every time my mom is in remission.

and then a few months ago, i got a concussion which lead to me being momentarily unable to walk without an caregiver/walker/cane. i worked hard on my PT and now am able to manage on my own two feet again as of three weeks ago.

all i am saying is sure hating on part 4 is your opinion and might not be for you but there are people in your life and maybe on your dash that are reading what you think about people who were disabled at a time of their life, are on their way to recovery now, or got the treatment they've been waiting for. the hardships, the journey, even all the good that happened during allllll that still matters after recovery.

[xiaq]

Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

[queermaddscientist]

Hello!

I was wondering if I could get your thoughts on a non-poc writing a Hawai’ian supporting character in a book?

I am trying to balance displaying the diversity I grew up with in my home city in the book that I am writing with care and respect for the cultures I include.

I have done a lot of research and plan to continuously work to educate myself on what I get wrong and right, but I personally believe there is no better way to learn than to directly ask those that I hope to represent.

Do you, personally, feel alright with a non-poc writing a Hawai’ian character? What are some common tropes you hate or love that are attributed to Hawai’ian characters that you see?

Please feel free to ignore this ask.

Kindly,

Pom

Hey! Sorry this took me so long—been super busy but it’s a good question.

Having grown up on the mainland, I’m a bit isolated from Hawaiian culture and generally not the most educated or woke on this matter lol so def don’t take this as an authoritative answer. I’ll give you my thoughts, but other Hawaiians might disagree.

In general, I would say it’s good for people to write characters with different ethnicities, so go for it. However, some issues with identity seem way too personal/deep/delicate idk to be portrayed by a non native Hawaiian. Don’t go too deep into trying to portray a complicated relationship between a character and their culture unless you’re part of that culture or writing collaboratively with someone who is.

An example I can think of would be homophobia that was basically brought by Christians with colonization. Idk how prevalent that is in Hawai’i specifically, but it’s definitely there in some colonized groups. Christianity too, as a whole, is super meaningful to many colonized people, but it was also brought by the colonizers and Christian missionaries actively tried to stamp out indigenous cultures/religions. Those kind of tensions feel too close to be dealt with in any depth by someone not of the community.

Do, however definitely do your research on the culture and include bits of that. For example: POG is the best kind of juice (passion orange guava juice, not the slang) and mongoose = bad (invasive species that kills nene). In Lilo and Stitch (which had some problematic things but in general is great) Lilo has a sign on her door saying “kapu” (literally taboo, also off limits/keep out). Including things like that are always makes me happy.

In terms of negative stereotypes, mostly it’s overly laidback/laziness, general exoticism and sexualization, being fat, and (mostly in the case of men) being fat/bulky and kinda stupid. Think Maui in Moana for that last one—not a fantastic stereotype. There’s obviously more to unpack there with why we code being fat as bad and enjoying free time as being lazy but that’s a separate issue. There may be other stereotypes that I’m not familiar with but those are what come to mind.

Another note—Hawai’i needs the ‘okina (apostrophe/glottal stop) but Hawaiian doesn’t bc Hawaiian is just an English word. I don’t think the Hawaiian language has that -an adjective form of words. Also you can use either Kānaka Maoli or native Hawaiian, whichever makes more sense in the context.

Again, all of this is just my personal opinion and I of course don’t speak for all native Hawaiians

But tl;dr go ahead but do your research, make them motivated, and don’t try some deep take on a culture that isn’t yours.

Hope this helps!

[no-droids]

Ch 17 was so, so, so good (thank you!!) 🥺 i am still processing. ((Edit: this turned into an essay so i Am Very Sorry in advance, there is a tldr at the end though))

First of all. We get to see Din going through it the same way sweet girl was a couple chapters ago and I love it! She’s been so clear from the start that she doesn’t want to run away from him and now Din’s getting to the point where he doesn’t want to chase her anymore because he just wants her to be physically there with him again. The second night of comms while she’s camped out at the orphanage?? “I thought this was going to be alright, but I hate it.” ??????????? i am a Puddle of Emotions no one look at me 😭

And then the way he’s so unsure about whether she hasnt begun to reconsider wanting to keep up with his bounty-hunter life now that she’s finally gotten a break if being forced to outrun a mandalorian can be really even be called a break for the first time in a year?? And he can SEE all the places she’s stopped to talk to people on this planet (his comment about the number of times the blond guy turned around to talk to her in the line? 🥺.) Din knows she’s enjoying these small encounters with people, getting to interact with a new planet and learn new things as she’s making her way through each place, and since they’re only talking at night he gets to think about it literally all day long as he follows her trail and tries to figure out what her plan is. This is truly an exercise in Din thinking nonstop about sweet girl (which ofc he does already, but like, thinking critically about what she thinks/wants/does/needs and why) and I feel like that’s causing him to slowly start to second guess himself in terms of where he would put himself on sweet girl’s list of priorities. And I wonder how much of this he’s actually considering for the first time? because it’s always him who leaves and comes back when he gets jobs — this is the first time that sweet girl has left him instead of the other way around. Sweet girl has had tons of time to think about these things, whereas Din hasn’t really had to... because it’s not the one who leaves who feels the absence most, it’s the one who’s left behind (even if just temporarily).

I can just picture Din’s increasing doubts as the chase keeps going, whether he’s worth putting up with his lifestyle and whether sweet girl wouldn’t rather have a life like the people he sees in the footprints around hers? because he knows her, knows she likes soft beds and meeting people and fresh fruit and beautiful scenery, which are all things that living on the razor crest can’t always provide except for the last one bc Din Djarin IS beautiful scenery let’s be clear and just. the ANGST. I cannot. ( a n d meanwhile sweet girl is having a breakdown thinking he wants to STOP looking and LEAVE her? As if)

So when she shuts down his tentative doubts about it on the second night she’s at the orphanage and Din starts asking questions about favorite animals and flowers and things?? 🥺🥺🥺🥺 I lost it. Din is mirroring the love and care he receives from sweet girl (and learning to tap into those emotions as he does) and I am just in awe of both his character development from ch 1 to here and your ability to show that gradual shift in your writing.

Tl;dr thank you very much for this latest chapter! I will continue to be a soft emotional little puddle for the foreseeable future, or at least until I can figure out to scrape myself off the floor and function like a human being who has not just read rough day ch 17 and promptly dissolved as a direct result🌻

okay

okay first of all ma’am/sir/friend, please do not put tl;dr’s on a fucking MASTERFUL DISSECTION LIKE THAT like I genuinely hope people read every word of what you have written because you’re so spot on about everything that I was almost taken aback JEJFJJDJFJF

I would like to say, and I need to do this in list form because you have presented so many beautiful points that I’d like to address them one by one,

1.) Din Djarin is used to being alone. Full stop. Like even with sweet girl helping out with the baby and agreeing to stay on the ship while he goes and grabs quarry, he’s gone for weeks sometimes. He is used to being by himself, to fending for himself, protecting himself, patching himself up, EVERYTHING by himself. He is the most independent self-sufficient driven bounty hunter Karga has on the payroll and he’s reliable, which is why Karga would give him four pucks at a time. Giving anyone else four pucks would mean that if they happened to die during their hunts, then more than one puck would be lost and that’s money down the drain. Din doesn’t die, he always comes back with all four bodies and he’s fucking quick about it. Him telling sweet girl “I thought this was gonna be alright” is apt, because he’s been able to exist without her and do good work while he knows she’s safe on the Crest. In fact, the only time he EVER didn’t do good work is when a) she was attacked on the Crest on Corellia, or b) when he desperately wanted to get back to her as quick as possible and he pushed himself too hard and put himself in danger (aka frozen on Hoth scene). And actually c) when he stole Grogu back from the empire and had Karga and the guild on his ass about it. Those were the only times Din had trouble doing his job. The only times he stopped looking and gave up. “I thought this was going to be alright, but I hate it” means that YES ABSOLUTELY DIN DJARIN DOES NOT LIKE STAYING PUT WHILE SHE LEAVES, even though he’s okay with going out and doing his job when she stays. Even though he’s still hunting, it’s like the roles have been reversed. She’s understanding his side, and he’s understanding her side. It’s been 4 days and he hates it, so imagine weeks or months of that. Not being able to move or chase after her either, just hanging out on the crest with Grogu and waiting to see if she’ll be able to make it back. Which

2.) makes it hurt just a lil more in that wonderful delicious angsty way when he actually asks if she wants this life. On Naboo, he didn’t know where she went or where the kid was—he didn’t know if they were in danger, if she was safe. He said he’d rip the galaxy apart to find her if she ever disappeared like that again. But... she’d be safe on Sanctuary II. This is different, and just like you said, he’s had multiple days where all he did was try to think like her. Get in her head, predict her. Understand her more than he’s ever attempted to do before, in a NECESSARY capacity, like he would a bounty he’s hunting. Din Djarin is used to being alone. He’s used to being silent and that’s how connections are severed before they can even be established. His only practice at empathy was through his job, a job that he is very very good at, but it was never enough to get him to stop looking. He would never be able to empathize enough to ask if the bounty wanted him to stop looking for them. Even with the baby, he turned him in at first and then let the guilt eat him alive before going back to save him. So, if you couple that with his true connection to sweet girl, the natural empathy he has for her and the kid (him immediately following her after he accidentally snapped at her on the Crest and apologizing) and Din is now TRULY beginning to understand her on a level he’s never experienced with another person

3.) BUT!!! Even though he “needed to ask” (meaning he understood enough to know that asking the question was necessary) he started out the entire conversation by admitting he doesn’t think he could do it. Before ever telling her what specifically he doesn’t think he could do, he already knows this about himself and says it flat out. I don’t think I could. Even if you asked me to, even if you said you’d be happier if I did, even if you told me right now that it’s what you wanted, I don’t think I could ever stop looking. And a lot of the turmoil he experiences is because of that. I make you sleep on the floor. I teach you to fight when you just want to look at waterfalls. I do all these things that you’d never willingly do yourself, and I’m a bad person BECAUSE I still want you to always be here with me in spite of all that.

4.) Meanwhile sweet girl just has no fucking clue all this is happening and it seems to come out of nowhere, all she knows is that he’s been in the city when he should’ve caught up to her days ago. She’s out experiencing things and meeting new people and yet she always comes back to Din and the baby and how much they should be here with her. She tries to come up with clever ways to outthink him but she also offers to give her coordinates to him practically every single night. Her wanting to be with him so bad but trying to hold out (“ask me again tomorrow”) while Din is also wanting to be with her so bad and also trying to hold out (“find her again tomorrow”) 🥺

So yeah basically in conclusion I love them together and they’re so different but they make each other somehow both stronger and softer in so many ways and yeah u mighta heard of DD/LG u kinky fucks but lemme present to u DD/SG

[01solarsmiles]

synopsis: you’ve been at jaehyun’s “secret” flat for a while now. you’re not quite sure how long, he says time passes differently here. not that you mind. you’re healing and there’s nothing you have wrong with that. having been away form everything that was bad for you, you’re coming to realise that things really were better with jaehyun. and no matter how many times he tries to tell you, he knows you have to come to that conclusion yourself.

tl;dr: you heal under jaehyun’s caring gaze.

genre: fantasy!au, kind of domestic!au, magic!jaehyun, fluff, smut, fem!reader

warnings: smut in the forms of kissing, titplay, basically motorboats oc, brief nipple play, heavy petting/fondling, grinding (?), oral (male recieving), jaehyun can’t hold his load oops, unprotected sex (wrap it b4 u tap it), creampie, brief cumplay lmao jaehyun is the teeniest bit kinky

other: jaehyun is my soft boi, wanna smooch and cuddle in his pastel coloured sweats, i’m british so he lives in a flat, soft smut… almost r*mantic,,, jaehyun is a boob man; do what you will with that B), jaehyun uses pet names bc i think it would be sickly sweet leaving his lips, time is relevant so i can do what i want with this thanks xox

wordcount: 8.5k

a/n: this is a continuation from the last chapter. i split it bc i needed inspo lmao so once again, not happy with how it ended previously so i had to write more. admittedly, it was origianlly one long piece but i realised i wanted to add more depth to when they’re living together (basically) so i split it therefore enabling me to write what i wanted about them being cute and stuff. yeah.

You had been given a wheelchair by the hospital but had refused to use it, wanting to prove that you were okay, to yourself and Jaehyun. He had convinced you to stay in it as you left the hospital to please the staff on your way out but you had point-blank refused when you made it to the small block of flats he said he lived in. After walking two steps from the car you let out a whimper and gave in to his incessant pleas to get you to sit in the wheelchair.

Oddly, there had been no one in the foyer and you hadn’t bumped into anyone in the hallway in front of the lift. He had helped you when you made it into the flat, moving you over to the sofa where you melted into the plush cushions of the seat.

On the way here, the two of you had already argued about where you were going to stay, him insisting on not leaving you alone and you insisting that you’d be okay at a friends place. In the end, he promised to contact your friends and family to tell them you were spending a little time away (you wouldn’t let him tell them you had been to the hospital). After all, he had saved you when you needed it most.

Your cracked lips remained tightly sealed as he folded the wheelchair away and tucked it behind a cupboard where it wasn’t in your direct line of sight.

You decide to look around, wanting to take up some time and to avoid looking him directly in the eye.

The flat was… cosy. It looked lived in, all the trinkets and small collages stuck up on the walls drawing your attention away from the shelves stacked with potted plants. Everything about the room seemed to tie together with another aspect of the flat. You couldn’t help but wonder why he had a place like this.

He notices your inquisitive look, “It’s supposed to be a secret. Though almost everyone important knows this is where they’ll find me if I disappear without an explanation.” Jaehyun moves towards the small kitchenette, fetching a glass of water befoer placing it on a coaster on the glass coffee table by your legs.

You wait for a second, acknolwedging the glass of iced water, then look up, meeting his hesitant gaze, “Everything’s green.”

It wasn’t a deep green either, more like a soft earthy green. Maybe a sage colour, but you were mostly going off of the presence of the plants and the colour of the sofa. Some of the counters in his one-person kitchen were a soft green, accented with wood countertops and a pastel fridge. It was soothing on your eyes, you had to admit.

He nods, unsure what you’re getting at, “Yeah…?”

“The first and second time I met you, you exclusively wore red. And it was glittery,” you point out, one wordlessly eyebrow raised.

He tilts his head, dimples appearing in his cheeks as he stuffs his hands in his jogging bottom pockets, rattling his keys in his pockets, “Just because I wear red doesn’t mean my whole life revolves around that primary colour.”

You roll your eyes and lean back into the sofa cushion, tenderly crossing your arms, “Well, no. I guess not,” you let your headrest on a pillow he slips behind your neck discreetly, “I suppose… I just assumed that you did,” you shrug your shoulders, “wasn’t something I gave much thought to.”

Jaehyun kicks off his trainers and throws his keys into a bowl on the kitchen counter. You could probably stick your arm over the back of the sofa and touch the pillar that separated the two areas if you tried hard enough adn weren’t brusied all over. He’s got a small smile on his face that brings his dimples out as he makes his way over to sit on the sofa with you, letting himself fall haphazardly onto the cushions. “So you thought about me, even a little.”

Ignoring his comment, you take in his flat to its fullest. You weren’t wrong, this man lived in a green, cottagecore aesthetic in his off-time. Admittedly you were a big fan of the wall of shelves stacked with different plants, mostly succulents and cactus -- the odd spine of a book eeking through -- and you even enjoyed the small desk that was home to a few depictions of watercolour flowers. Your eyes fall on the black figure, slinking under the legs of the glass coffee table pitched in front of you, making you flinch as you suppressed your reflex to jump; it was only a cat.

A cat man. Of course, he was.

Jaehyun’s eyes follow yours, “That’s Prim. She likes to keep to herself. Occasionally she curls up with me.”

“You made it sound like you rarely come here.”

“Mhm.”

“You have a cat.”

“I have a cat,” he affirms.

Prim disappears around the pillar into the kitchen. Jaehyun must’ve put down some food for her because you can hear her softly eating followed briefly by the sound of her lapping at a bowl of water.

“And plants.”

“Those too.” He’s not sure where you’re going with this, neither were you, but he was humouring it, seeing it through to the end if he got ot be in your presence longer.

Your eyes go back to wandering around the room, watching how the sun dips in between the curtains and cascades through the room. You had sat in the seat closest to the entrance, meaning Jaehyun’s back was to the window as he faced you while you were talking. He was still dressed in the outfit you assumed he slept in at the hospital. You were dressed in the same clothes you had gone in with, having had to change out of the gown they had provided when you left.

He looked so effortlessly pretty. It made you want to cry.

You suck in a breath and say, “I’m a little tired. Can I sleep… anywhere?”

He nods and jumpts to his feet before helping you to yours. Slowly, you make your way down the hall, almost all of your weight is beared on Jaehyun. He’s practically carrying you but neither of you mention it. It was only a small flat, something you couldn’t wrap your head around when he could probably have anything he liked, and so it only had one bedroom.

Initially, you had put up a fight but he simply said he wasn’t tired and there was a box room he could get a bed into if the sofa wasn’t comfortable enough (it was but you weren’t okay with the fact that he was giving up his bed). You lay on your side, a body pillow supporting your small frame. You were so tense, worried about Soobin and Dan-ah and Mina and your Mum and Dad and Hyejin as she was probably the only friend of yours who regularly checked in. There was so much running through your mind and you almost don’t notice Jaehyun’s soft palm gripping yours, his thumb rubbing over the back of your hand. Unbeknownst to you, he had seen the anxious look on your face and had guessed that you were psychoanalysing everything in your head, cogs turning. He wanted to subtly draw you out from your thoughts... so he let a little of his power surge through his fingertips and into your palm, hoping it was enough to make you woozy.

Without much thought to it, you rested your head on his pillow and fell asleep.

Jaehyun stays, for a minute or two, holding your hand until your grip weakens, your breathing becomes heavier and your chest goes into a steady rise and fall. He watches, as you lay, unbothered by the world outside. You looked at peace. At home.

Was this the first time you had been able to wind down like this?

He sighs, wriggling his hand from under yours and gets up to leave before he pulls a brown monochrome blanket over your frame. A slight frown etches itself on your forehead as your fingers twitch, looking for the hand Jaehyun had slipped away, before you subconsciously grip the blanket and curl into it instead, the frown erasing itself from your face, leaving you looking at peace once again.

You wake up to the sun going down outside, a blanket covering your body and pillows squished underneath to support your body.

You’re tender. That’s safe to say.

The room was airy; Jaehyun had left the window on the latch and the door cracked open so as to not make it stuffy. Glancing around, you notice the simplicity of it. Bed, side table, lamp and wardrobe. It differed massively from the rest of his flat. Maybe he hadn’t gotten around to decorating substantially in here.

You get up, perching yourself on the edge of the bed before making your way out of the room. Shuffling along, you cling to the wall as you know full well you shouldn’t be venturing around by yourself and make your way to the living room, “Jaehyun?” you call. The calling stops when you spot Jaehyun with an open book lying in his lap while he snores lightly, passed out on the sofa. The corners of your mouth twitch, curling into a smile at the sight of him so peaceful.

You hold out your arm, inspecting the bandage on it. You sigh, “I need a shower.”

You turn back, headed towards what you assumed was the bathroom. The door creaks open; thankfully, you were correct. There are fresh towels hanging on the rack and a laundry basket sits tucked into the corner. Stripping from your clothes gingerly, you turn on the shower. While it warms up you unwrap your bandages and softly poke the back of your head. You’re probably not supposed to submerge it yet so you work with what you can. The shower itself was a standalone that had frosted glass wrapped around it, hiding what was on the inside if anyone were to look in.

The whole ordeal was a show in itself, you carefully moving things about, trying not to knock anything all while trying to do your best with what you’ve got. It wasn’t the best situation in the world but it was the best out of the hand you were dealt. Having not been back to your flat to get anything, you didn’t have any of your usual hair products so you used the products that were already there and a lemon body wash that had been sitting patiently.

Eventually, you finish up with half-washed hair and a mostly clean body. Your fingers had pruned long ago and you took that as a sign to get out of the shower to stop using all the hot water.

You stepped out, and grabbed the towel off of the rack, wrapping yourself in them. They were so soft against your skin. Holding it tightly against your skin you move to stand in the middle of the bathroom. It wasn’t big but it had an oval mirror hanging above the sink. Staring at your reflection for a little, you internally pick apart everything you don’t like.

Staring with the obvious bruises. “I’ll heal,” you tell your reflection, “I won’t degrade myself like that again.” Your fingers brush against your towel-covered ribs, making you flinch. “He won’t do this to me again; I won’t let him,” you pause before whispering, “I’m not going back to him.”

By now, your eyes are watering a little so you sniffle and wipe the forming tears away before they’re given the chance to fall. You deserve better. You know this. “I deserve better. I am worth better.”

In the middle of this, Prim slinks through the crack of the door, making you jump a little. With your hand on your heart, you take deep breaths, watching as she jumps onto the closed toilet seat and sits down on a pile of clothes. A pile of clothes you don’t remember putting there. Your eyes widen at the thought of Jaehyun seeing you naked but then you whip your head to the shower walls, reminding yourself that they’re frosted and he would’ve only been able to see an outline at the most.

Prim purrs, drawing your attention back to her.

She blinks at you. She’s so calm. You reach the backside of your hand out so she can sniff it. After a quick sniff, she turns her head and rubs it into the palm of your hand. You gratefully accept her and let her continue to rub herself on you as you alternate between scratching the underside of her chin and the back of her head. She purrs in content and you let out a quiet giggle.

Jaehyun had been awake for the past ten minutes or so. He’d dug through his drawers, pulling out an old pair of jogging bottoms that he’d bulked out of but never gotten around to throwing out, a pair of clean underwear and a jumper that was currently his size but probably oversized on you. He’d slipped them onto the toilet seat (thank god it was so close to the door) without peeping past the sink and must’ve forgotten to pull the door up all the way on his way out.

He listens to Prim purring and you giggling softly from the safety of his sofa in the living room, a smile making its way onto his face. He had flicked on the table lamp on the end table by the sofa, continuing to read his book – A natural history of Dragons. Not as accurate as he remembers but a little light reading never did anyone any harm.

When you stepped out of the bathroom, you looked fresh. Swamped in his jumper and bare feet padding across the panelled flooring. He looks up from his book, noticing you gradually making your way over to him, he jumps up, trying to help you. You looked cute with your sweater paw leaned up against the wall.

He tucks a hand under your armpit for leverage, you turn, a little surprised and open your mouth to say something but can’t bring yourself to when you realise how close your faces are. Jaehyun either doesn’t notice or pretends to not know, making you feel more embarrassed than you thought possible. His musk engulfs you, overriding your senses and you hesitate in your step.

“Oh,” you say, face hot to which you can only pray he doesn’t sense how he caught you off-guard, “you don’t have to–”

“It’s okay,” he whispers softly, hands pulling you into him so he can use his body strength to help too. You feel goosebumps from his caring touch and you wonder about the last time someone treated you like this.

Since when did he become so domestic?

You brush it off and he helps lower you down to the sofa and Prim follows suit, helping herself to your lap as she curls into a ball, letting you run your fingers down her back in a soothing motion.

You could feel the heat rising up your neck at how close the two of you had been, your mind running to months before when you had been close to him. Before, you had been embarrassed about yourself as he was helping you out of the hospital but he had reassured you that you had nothing to worry about – the gentleman that he was – he didn’t want you to feel ashamed. So, you let yourself relax on his plush sofa cushions while he went about making something to eat for the both of you with a grin on his face, knowing all too well what he had inflicted upon you moments ago.

That’s how the next month or so went by. You pushed yourself to your limits, all of your minor injuries healed (somehow), and followed Jaehyun around while Prim followed you. As promised, Jaehyun brought home a bed for the box room to which you insisted on sleeping in since you were the one who was the guest but he had none of it. In the end, he dressed the room up nicely and it ended up looking like it had been there all along.

At first, Jaehyun hadn’t let you do any of the things you offered to do, especially the cooking. He had a large repertoire of recipes up his sleeve and wasn’t letting you do anything to strain yourself.

Your phone had briefly glitched the first time you turned it on, which was odd on a good day.

“Time passes differently here,” he had explained, “Einstein was right about that one; time is relevant. He almost caught us out one time with his research into it but Yuta turned him around and set him back on track again.”

To which he then had to explain to you who Yuta was. He sounded nice, harmless but what got you was the fact that there were more people like Jaehyun. You had yet to meet more than the man who stood in front of you as he explained that to you.

Weeks into your stay, he took you round to your place, helped you pick up your things and also helped you leave a thick layer of red glitter all over your now ex-boyfriend’s penthouse. He deserved it. According to Jaehyun, your ex was in the process of moving out, as per Jaehyun’s convincing argumentative skills.

You rang some of your family and friends, asking after them and telling them you were okay after it was established between you that you and Soobin were no longer together but the most heartbreaking one was between you and your niece. She had been there, she knew now, even if you didn’t want her too, she knew. You could only pray that it slowly faded from her memory, for her sake more than yours, as she grew older.

According to Hyejin (when she rambled to you on the phone as she bawled, bless her), Soobin had been given the sack and lost most of what he owned. He’d also been sporting a black eye for two weeks after you got out of the hospital. She had been the first person you rang but the small detail had slipped your mind until later that night. You tried not to outright weep tears of joy, knowing that he’d had even the tiniest bit of his own medicine fed back to him, followed suit by you quizzing Jaehyun to which he hid his knuckles behind his back as he walked in with a tray of sushi that had been delivered tonight as a treat before your anime marathon.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I haven’t seen him,” he throws his keys into the bowl on the kitchen counter after toeing off his shoes in the entrance of his flat.

Having had time to heal, you pull yourself to tuck your legs underneath you as you look over the back of the sofa. “Jaehyun,” you warn. Prim materialises from the depths of Jaehyun’s bedsheets, where you had left her earlier, to greet her beloved owner. She purrs against his leg and he leans down to scratch behind her ear.

“Y/n,” he says back, trying his best to match your tone.

Your eyes follow Prim, closely watching as she jumps onto the kitchen counter and paws at the key-bowl. Tucking your bottom lip between your teeth you nibble until you can form a sentence that wouldn’t betray you when it left the corners of your mind.

Thinking about it, you decide against arguing with him on it. If he was lying it wasn’t something that was going to stop you from hanging around him, so why push it? Because you wanted to know why. “You were out a while after you texted me you’d finished food shopping the other day, where’d you go?”

Jaehyun glances at you, his hair stood slightly on end as if he’d been running his hand through it, possibly one too many times. It was shorter than when you had first come into his care – you’d helped him one day to trim it. You’d also insisted that he let you do it because you used to cut your hair in the bathroom mirror. ‘Not the same,’ he had said but he had handed you the scissors all the same. He was still dressing for comfort, something that you appreciated when the evening came and the tv turned on. It was a small flat which meant a small-ish sofa. He wasn’t against wrapping an arm around you and the two of you had been known to fall asleep to a movie or two in recent weeks.

“Went to work, briefly. Gotta make sure everything’s on schedule; they’d practically die without me to ditto everything they’re already sure of,” he flashes you a grin that his dimples can’t escape, “it’s nice to be home.”

You murmur a response.

Scattering away, Jaehyun has a shower after being out and gets dressed quickly to return to you. He walks over to the kitchen, deciding to grab some things for the evening.

His back is turned to you now, he’s grabbing a couple of drinks from the fridge, the glow of the light illuminating his face.

“I missed you.”

You… what?

The pounding of your heart against your ribcage was deafening. Had you just said that out loud? He turns to meet your frantic gaze, waiting for your response. He can barely breathe out the response, “I missed you too.”

He grins, sinking himself into the space next to you and slings his arm over the back, his hand resting close to your neck. “Awh, did you really?”

Your body practically recoils, turning back on itself, “No. I just wanted you to bring ice cream; I’ve been craving it all week.”

Instantly you regret your choice as he frowns slightly and turns away.

You’re forced to think about the countless nights you’d spent curled up in his bed, some of them the result of you weeping into one of his many pastel sweatshirts you adorned about your failed relationship with Soobin, others about how you had neglected to tell your family and friends about the situation you had been in for almost a year by the time Jaehyun had pulled you away from it. Most nights, Jaehyun heard you, upset and alone in the dark. In the beginning, he wasn’t sure what to do about it, part of him knowing that he should leave you to heal but the other part of him screaming that he shouldn’t let you suffer alone – shouldn’t let you think you’re in this alone when you’re most certainly not where he’s concerned.

The first time he had left you, not sure he had heard correct when he came back from work, groggy from the use of his powers and feeling like he needed to faceplant his pillow from the exhaustion. You had stopped, little sniffles being masked by the vibrations of Prim’s purring against your body where she had hopped up on the bed to comfort you, when you thought Jaehyun was listening, hoping that he would leave you to hurt for a short while longer.

He had sensed your hesitation and made his way to the shower, deciding he needed to be fresh for the next morning.

He was oddly caring. Not that it was odd for someone to care but it was odd for someone to care this much and for the person to be Jaehyun was the cherry on top.

Turning back to face you, he grins, “Wanna watch that anime you were telling me about? I googled it last night and read some forums; apparently it’s good.”

Your eyes light up, “Sword Art Online? Yes please.”

Jaehyun shakes his head, chuckling to himself at how eager you are. He loved when you showed interest in things like this. His auburn hair falls into his eyes as he skims through whatever application he had pulled up (Netflix; no chill) while you weren’t looking and he breathes softly through his nose, concentrating on the screen in front of him.

Once again, you were studying him. It had been a long time since you had arrived. Time is relevant, true, but how much time is too much time?

The sun had set an hour or so ago now and you had already eaten some of the takeaway earlier as neither of you had been interested in cooking. You wondered if he knew how the table lamp accentuated his face, the soft hue acting like his usual haze when he was in his suit – which you learned was the reason he practical glowed as he had since told you there was magic twined into the thread it was sewed together with – and made him look angelic. You wondered if he knew the camel sweats he was wearing made you want to cuddle him and nuzzle your nose into his side, somewhere that you felt more than safe to be. You wondered if he knew how much you liked it here and how you were apprehensive about going back to the real world full time.

You’d been out, of course, he couldn’t confine you to his flat even if he wanted to but he always made sure that there were the correct precautions in place. He was always here, anyway, choosing you over everything else so there was rarely a time where you could go out without him. Smiling to yourself, you remind yourself that you don’t think you’d want to go by yourself when there’s a perfectly good Jaehyun waiting for you.

His hair fell in soft waves on his forehead, and his brow furrowed as he tried to figure out why he couldn’t find Sword Art Online for you two to watch. The two of you had fallen into a routine, he pats his leg, signalling for you to lay your head down on his lap as he pulls a pillow from behind him for you to rest your head on.

Shifting your body, careful of your ribs still, you lay down and wrap a hand under his leg for leverage, being sure to keep it closer to the back of his knee than his thigh as it was easier to curl your hand. He didn’t mind because when you sat and watched horror movies you would squeeze his leg in anticipation for a jump scare of sorts. He thought it was cute.

Eventually, he finds it, “Here we go,” he mumbles, clicking on the first episode. You settle in, pushing your face further into the cushion as Jaehyun lets his hand rest on your shoulder, somewhere safe for him to touch. His other hand plays with your hair absentmindedly as the episode begins, showing the people who had been waiting for the game to come out so that they could play it.

It remains like this, you making comments here and there, ooh’s and ah’s coming form both of you as you talk about the episode before it rolls over to the next one. At one point, he says something that makes you sit up completely, throwing him off as your warmth leaves his body.

“Did you just suggest that Kirito could be –”

His eyes widen, “I merely suggested that he –”

You scowl, pout and cross your arms, your cardigan falling off your shoulder at an angle, “No! You said what you said. It’s out there now, in the cosmos, for all to judge. You can’t take it back.”

He’s looking at you, first with shock but then with an expectant look. All you were doing was arguing over anime. You’re not sure you remember seeing him like this, eyes filled with something you cannot describe. Is this what being loved feels like? The flying thought catches you off guard and you hold your breath. He wonders if you know that’s how he’s feeling, how he’s seeing you. The rose-tinted filter settled in and he was determined to keep it that way for a long time.

Jaehyun had got dressed after his shower into a sweatshirt and sweatpants, and joined you on the sofa while you were watching the back end of a drama you had been meaning to watch for months before you had switched over to anime. It was your thing; watching anime together.

His hand reaches to rest on the side of your face, thumb brushing your cheek and fingers splaying down to reach your neck and brings his face closer to yours, making your breath hitch. The last time you had been like this neither of you were thinking in coherent thoughts. At this point, you’d spent months with him, hiding from your family and friends – only partially as you had wanted to gain your confidence back again and go back with a real job.

His hair was still drying on the ends where he hadn’t bothered to towel dry it. It brushed against your forehead as he brought his forehead to rest on yours, savouring the moment.

Breathily, you manage to say his name.

He hums in response, eyes trained diligently on your lips, waiting for your response. He doesn’t notice how you watch him watching you, he’s enamoured. He loved when you looked like this. So carefree. So pure. So… pretty.

“Kiss me.”

He doesn’t wait any longer.

Lips centimetres form yours, he gives you the opportunity to change your mind but you bring your lips to his, not wanting to drag this out any longer. His fingers stay on your face while your hands have yet to find somewhere to be placed – something that Jaehyun notices – so he picks up your hand and curls it around the back of his neck before wrapping his own around the small of your back, a smirk finding its home on his face.

Feeling more confident, you bring your free hand to splay across his cheek, thumb mindlessly rubbing the dip where his dimple becomes prominent. His hair stands on end on the back of his neck, the sensation of your fingers brushing his face so calmly as he pulls your lower lip between his having caused goosebumps to form down his arms.

Secretly, he was glad he was wearing his sweatshirt so that you couldn’t see how sensitive he was to you.

Jaehyun leans gradually away and you chase his lips, not wanting to forget the feeling any time soon. All of the time you had spent with Soobin and yet none of the moments you had shared felt like this. It made your heart pound and the butterflies were making their way up, tickling your diaphragm as you struggle to breathe.

“Y/n,” he begins, lids heavy and forehead pressed to yours. He’s not really sure what he wants to say… how does one express the euphoria they feel from finally doing the right thing and knowing it’s the right thing? Because that’s how Jaehyun felt. You knew he wanted to say something so you lightly prompt him.

“Jae… what are you thinking?”

His lids close and he bumps his nose with yours, lips parted, “I want to kiss you like that more often.”

You giggle, which throws him off, “Do you?” He looks up to meet your wandering gaze through his lashes, “because I want to kiss you like that more often, too.”

He grins, tightening his grip around your waist, pulling you in until you’re straddling his lap. “Oh yeah? How about I do just that, then.” His lips return to yours. You noticed that Jaehyun’s lips tasted of cherry chapstick, and you loved that, deciding to part the seal of his mouth with your tongue to devour the taste further.

The subtle curve of his lips was something you didn’t want to forget – that was for sure. You work on memorising this feature and lightly tug at the tufts of hair at the back of his head, making him moan into your mouth ever so slightly.

“That was adorable,” you mumble against his lips, lowering yourself so your bum is resting on the heels of your feet either side of his thighs.

His face flushes but he pretends to not notice and instead lets his hands roam until they’re palming the globes of your ass.

This shocks you into action a little, the squeezing fingers forcing you to lift and lean on your knees, breasts pushed up against his chin as you continue to kiss him.

As you slipped your tongue to mingle with his, you decided then and there that you were absolutely in love with kissing him. Possibly smitten, just a tiny bit.

You had worn a tank top and a light cardigan for comfort around the flat, not wanting to pull jeans on and a blouse every morning and instead opting for leggings and light-tees regularly. You weren’t sure what kind of man Jaehyun was, an ass or boob man but something igniting inside you and hardening in his sweatpants told you that you were going to find out pretty damn soon.

Pulling away you offer a small smile at him, he grins, like he knows he’s about to get a present he’s been waiting for ages for. Ironic, considering his job profession.

You bite your lip and let your hands fall down to his arms, running your palms up and down his biceps. By now the episode had rolled over and was about 10 minutes into the next but you and Jaehyun were far too distracted, you figured it would have to wait. It would still be there tomorrow when you could rewatch it and continue your marathon.

His own hands rest below the curve or your breasts, thumbing at the swell.

You dip your head, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth before letting your tongue peak out and swirl its way down to his neck. Peppering kisses against his tan skin you pick a spot where he makes the most fuss when you reach it and bruise it with your lips. He groans at the feeling of your lips tainting his skin so skillfully and thinks about how you went to waste on someone like your ex before him. His breathing grows heavy and his fingers run up and down your back in a soothing manner, toying with the hem of your tank top every time his fingers brush the bottom.

“Oh my God,” he breathes out when you’re finished.

You giggle, “What?”

You had slipped your cardigan off, letting it fall in a heap on the floor and hooked your fingers under your shirt before throwing it across the room.

Gazing up at you, you can practically see the hearts spinning around his head. You knew that if this was a Looney Toon cartoon, his eyes would’ve been pounding hearts right about now.

“You’re so beautiful,” he sighs as you press a closed mouth kiss to his jaw, “…pretty girl.”

You were left in a dark pair of leggings and your t-shirt bra. It wasn’t anything fancy (you were here for comfort, for god’s sake) but Jaehyun looked at you like you had put all the stars in the sky yourself, something you were unfamiliar with. Pride swells in your chest and lust swells in your core.

“Are you going to keep staring or are you going to do something?” You tease. He merely smirks, enjoying what he hasn’t even done yet, and buries his head between your breasts.

You let out a small “Oof” noise and steady yourself on his shoulders. Leaning on your feet normally would’ve been enough but when he stuck his head between your boobs it had knocked you slightly off balance. Your fingers dig into his shoulder blades, pressing crescetn moons into his skin, but Jaehyun takes no notice as he noses his way to a fleshy spot and attaches his lips.

“Smell so good,” he’s referring to the perfume you had brought with you when you cleaned out your apartment. “Wanna taste,” he mumbles into your boobs. Your panties dampen at the confession, not knowing completely how to respond without crying out a moan.

Unshockingly so, this was one of the few tinmes you had felt like the only girl in the world, not to quote Rihanna, but it was truly a moment you had no desire to forget any time soon.

Instinctively, your hands retire to the back of his head, pulling him closer whilst he goes to town on a hickey he’s suckling into your skin.

Pulling back, he grins, “Perfect.” He’s admiring his handiwork but it still sends the stupid butterflies contained in your abdomemn stir crazy when his gaze meets yours, filled with lust, love, adoration – whatever you want to call it, his eyes contained it. Lids low and mind focused, his hand snakes behind your body to unhook your bra but you stop him.

In fear of pushing you too far he drops his hand and waits, eyes wide for what had stopped you.

“I-I haven’t – no – I don’t…” you struggle to find the correct words in front of Jaehyun, the cool breeze making you shiver in the slightest.

“What is it, angel?” He brings his hands to your waist, rubbing slow circles to calm you.

“Soobin,” you exhale. It was all Jaehyun needed to know so he took a deep breath.

He’s watching you as he says, “I don’t care. That was then… this is now.”

You nod. His features twist into a smile, images of that night coming back to him, “Plus I already fucked you against the –”

Your hand finds itself pressed across his mouth in the blink of an eye, praying he doesn’t finish that sentence, “I know,” you squeak before emphasising, “I was there.”

He tilts his head and offers a mischievous glint, “I thought you didn’t think I was real, simply a figment of your imagination, if I do remember correctly.”

Groaning, you roll your eyes, “Stop with that! You showed up, dressed in red and in the middle of the night after I’d written a letter that only I could know the contents of. Who’s to say you weren’t an incubus, huh?”

A single eyebrow is raised on his part.

“And you were gone before I woke up,” you mumble against his neck, now enticed by his scent again, “I never told anyone because it sounds wild, right? You have to admit that part at the very least.”

That made him take a second to process, “I never thought of it like that,” he mumbles, pressing feather-light kisses up your arm.

“It was something I thought about for a while,” you meekly replied to his unasked question.

“Well,” he begins, “you don’t have to worry any longer,” and presses his lips to your clavicle, fingers unclasping your bra behind you, this time you let him, sighing into his golden touch, boobs pressed against his chest. He groans at the feeling or your unclothed, hardened nipples cutting in on his pecs. You sling your bra across the room, not giving much thought or care towards where it ended up as there were more pressing matters you cared about.

Your neck is tipped back as his tongue dips to the valley of your breasts, he places an endearing kiss to your sternum and sets his sights onto your nipples.

Hand resting on the nape of his neck, you arch into the feeling of his wet mouth latching onto your nipple, peak caught between his tongue and teeth as he teases you, and tug on his hair.

He savours this, moaning before switching to your other nipple, not wanting to leave one without the same amount of attention. At this point, your panties are embarrassingly soaked from all of the stimulation.

“You’re so good to me,” you whine, not talking about just this very moment. You’re reminiscing about the past couple of months you’ve spent in his care too and something tells you that he knows that too.

He releases your nipple from his lips and glances up at you, “Is that so, angel?”

“Mhm,” you mumble, not sure what he wants you to say or what you should say to keep the mood going, “all the time. Miss you so much because of it,” you pout slightly, not wanting to draw too much from the conversation in case things went sideways.

You bring your hands to his cheeks, resting either side and pinch lightly, toying with him. “Keep me happy,” you state before leaning down to kiss him again. His eyes flutter close and you trail your hands down his abdomen, pressing harder with your nails as you slide them down to the hem of his jumper.

“Off,” you mutter against his lips. He gladly complies, you were topless and it was only fair he comes level with your nakedness. When you part momentarily to lift it over his head, your hungry eyes zone in on how constricted his hardened dick was within the confines of his sweatpants.

Jaehyun notices this, ruffled hair askew and mind now clear from the fog you had bestowed upon him when you had kissed him. He knew what he wanted, did you want it too?

Without hesitation, you palm the outline of his dick over the sweatpants, wanting to see his reaction. You were best pleased when he fights the urge to roll his eyes but bites his lip to stop himself from thrusting into your silky touch. Not that he’d felt that today, just yet.

You stifle a giggle, “Eager, pretty boy.”

One kiss is placed to his lips before you slip off of his lap, knees thudding as they land on the floor. You hook your index fingers around the waistband of his sweats and underpants, the tell-tale Tommy band staring back at you, knowing he would comply but you only pull them down just enough to free his weeping cock.

It springs up, slapping against his abdomen, veins prominent from the grining you had been doing earlier. Your mouth waters at the sight and you lick your lips, praying that it lives up to your expectations.

You give him a few slow strokes of your nails up him and one of his hands reaching up to push a few stray strands of hair form your face.

He groans when you finally wrap your slender fingers around his shaft, thumb wiping the leaking tip of his swollen mushroom head. It throbbed a pretty shade of pink, much like his lips, after you pressed a delicate kiss to the top.

“So, so good to me, angel,” are the words that leave his lips when you lick your own before dipping your head to lick up the underside. You offered a devilish smile and lowered your hot mouth onto his throbbing length slowly, wanting to savour every second and push Jaehyun to his limit.

You hum in agreeance to his statement, sending a shiver up his spine and eliciting a moan from him, his hands quickly tangling themselves in your loose hair as he makes a make-shift ponytail to keep your hair out of your face.

Once your jaw has adjusted to the burn of his girth, he helps you bob your head up and down, curling the ponytail around one hand and using that as leverage. Flattening your tongue, you press it to the underneath of his length. You experiment with seeing how much you can take as it’s been a long time since you’ve been intimate with someone like this. One of your manicured hands reaches down to tickle his balls – a trick Hyejin had taught you the last time you were having one of those conversations – and he all but thrusts up into your throat, making you clench your legs and rub them together for some friction as your eyes close tight, forcing tears to run down your face.

“Oh fuck, I don’t think I can ah-” he lifts you off of his dick and brings your mouth to his, pressing hard against your own.

You’re flushed from his abrupt actions but that doesn’t stop you from stripping yourself of your leggings when he practically begs you to. Unsure what he wants next, you fiddle until he instructs you, “Those too,�� he gestures to your panties. They weren’t grand but, had you not been about to get it on with possibly the hottest and most caring man you’ve come across, you would’ve been embarrassed about him seeing them in any normal situation.

Once they’re discarded, he stands, shimmys out of his sweats and pants and brings you close to him and guides a leg to wrap around his waist, rock hard dick pressed between your two sweaty bodies.

He kisses you hard, a clash on tongue and teeth; it’s one of the messiest kisses you had ever been on the receiving end of but ultimately still one of the best you’ve been able to experience, and lowers the two of you onto the sofa.

Again, you’re perched on your heels. He breaks the kiss, looking between your bodies to align himself with your entrance. “I’m sorry, angel,” he mutters against the column of your throat.

“Wha-”

He waits no longer before slipping himself into your core impossibly easily, as he sets a killer pace.

Squealing, you let your head fall onto his shoulder as you try your best to thrust down as much as he thrusts up into you but it was proving difficult as he suckled sweetly on the juncture where your neck and shoulder met – sending your senses into overdrive.

“S-so tight,” he breathes out, trickles of sweat forming in his hairline. One of the few brain cells you have working tells you the clench on his next thrust, only making him moan louder than before. In response, he ups the pace, setting his sights on destroying your sweet pussy.

Knowing full-well that he hadn’t tasted your arousal like he had originally intended, he brings his finger to dance across your clit, stimulating the bundle of nerves until you were whining, hips stuttering as your vision hazes, unsure of how to control yourself. Still unable to match his deadly pace, you settle on tensing your legs and hovering above him where he pounds upwards, the sound of skin hitting skin echoing around the room.

You knew that by the time he was going to be finished, your ass was going to be tainted red from where his balls were slapping your underside as he pounds into you.

“Jaehyun,” you barely manage to breathe out, “fu… fuck.” Not what you were going for so you give it another try, “Jae… kiss.”

His eyes linger on your disheveled features. You open your eyes and look down at him, worried that he hadn’t heard you. His eyes meet yours; you pout, “Kiss me, p-ah–” one particularly strong thrust ignites inside you, the tell-tale sign of your orgasm about to snap through you; halts your half-hearted attempt at riding him.

He captures your lips with his, nibbling on your lip before licking it as if to heal it. His fingers are still rubbing tiny circles in your clit that send you over the edge and into complete euphoria, spine arching.

Within milliseconds, your vision is blurring and eyes unfocus, switching for white dots across your line of sight to pair with the white hot pleasure ripping through your core. “Ah,” you whine, “oh... Jae-Jaehyun,” your voice breaks, not being able to comprehend the possibility of more thanone thing happening at once.

As you clamp down on him unintentionally, he groans, unable to hold back any longer and empties his load inside your trembling pussy, cursing as he does.

Moments pass before he can bring himself to say anything, “You’re so perfect, angel. So pretty and perfect.”

You lift your head to look at him. At his fucked-out face you melt into him, swety bodies gradually becoming one and sliding off of his softening cock so you can wrap your arms around his neck and nuzzle closer to him. He brings his arms around your waist, pressing his face into the crook of your neck and breathing sharply through his nose.

“You’re so good to me. Can’t remember the last time someone fucked me that good,” you whisper against the shell of his ear. You have one hand raking your fingers through his hair. You breathe out a laugh as he shivers at the feeling.

Knowing that was probably an ego boost enough, you press a languid kiss to the side of his mouth, not really paying much attention to where your lips landed. Continuing to pepper him with kisses, he stirs slightly, not wanting all of this attention to go to waste.

“Hey, c’mere,” he says, holding you from your waist before slowly lowering you onto the sofa beside him so your back is flat.

You’re barely holding it together, Jaehyun’s cum trickling down the side of your leg from your sore hole. He pushes your legs apart, one falls haphazardly off of the sofa and the other is pressed between his side and the back of the sofa. He doesn’t care, though, bringing two fingers up to meet your quivering core.

“What are you doi – ah!”

A lazy grin spreads across Jaehyun’s face, his fingers now covered in yours and his essence as he stuffs it back into you. The overstimulation makes you quiver but he was determined about making you suffer. “So pretty with my cum stuffed inside you, angel, so pretty.”

By now, you’re convinced he’s drunk but you don’t put it past yourself to consider yourself just as drunk on him as he is on you. You squirm, not wanting him to continue as his fingers repeat their actions. “O-oh, too much,” you whimper, “sore, so fucking sore baby.”

You knew you probably could’ve handled a little more but he obliges, not wanting to scare you away (as if that was even possible) and finishes by pushing his fingers past your lips, coaxing you to lick them clean.

Gladly, you do as he was silently suggesting.

He groans, his dick twitching but he ignores it, knowing you’re still healing and by the state of you currently, you probably weren’t up for another round. Instead, he picks you up bridal style and takes you to the bathroom, feet wobbling a few times on the way before getting to the bathroom.

“Gotta clean up, angel.”

You mumble, putting your legs to use and absently moving to switch the shower head on, soaking both of you in the stall. The water is freezing but you make no complaints, wanting to settle the heat radiating from your body. Jaehyun says nothing too. He just helps you clean yourself as you’re making a half-hearted effort – this makes him chuckle.

Twenty minutes later, the both of you are laying on his bed (the one he gave up for you), snuggled into each other.

For the first time in a long time, you slept in the crook on an arm where you felt safe, possibly loved (that would have to be addressed another time).

While you lay, breathing slowly as you listen to his heartbeat, Jaehyun has his head propped up with one arm and his other arm rests on your side, t-shirt that he had lent you riding up on the side, fingers running up and down as he takes in the feel of your smooth skin under his fingertips.

Jaehyun was smitten.

a/n: hi hello. how, uh, how was it? feel free to leave me some feedback or pop in my ask box. you’re all my angels. i just like posting to post sometimes but interaction is p darn cool too. lyl <3

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