#// I was under the impression that SAI 1 was completely abandoned to prioritize working on SAI 2

[nerdinsandals]

I drew a May to test the new SAI 1 update 💚🧡

[m34gs]

Another Saw AU ask!

This time it is the housewardens (and the dorms) up for evaluation as Saw Apprentices! Please tell me on a scale from 1 star (lowest) to 5 stars (most) where the dorms rank on the following categories:

1. Professional Conduct/Mannerisms

2. Organization/Punctuality

3. How well they uphold the Ideals of the Job

4. How they contribute to a positive work environment

Hi friend!!! Another Saw AU ask! Thank you! This will be so fun to answer, I am putting so much thought into it!!! For those unfamiliar, my friend @kimium and I have a Twisted Wonderland Sort of Saw Franchise AU. See my pinned post for links to other posts regarding it and our AO3 series!

I'm so excited for this ask! Sorry it took so long, I've had a lot going on this week...but I'm here now! (Answers under a cut because this will be LONG lol!)

Heartslaybul

1. Professional Conduct/Mannerisms: 4 stars. Riddle, of course, is always on top of his game and courteous. Cater is no slouch either, when it comes to actually impressing other people with his manners. He's pretty good at putting on masks, after all. It's Ace and Deuce who need a little *reminder* once in a while on how to act and conduct themselves.

2. Organization/Punctuality: 5 stars. Mostly because of Riddle. He is always on time and his traps tend to run closest to their estimated run times. The rest of Heartslaybul is also punctual, lest they be hit with Riddle's signature spell.

3. How well they uphold the Ideals of the Job: 3 stars. While Riddle is definitely here for the Justice aspect of it, the others are a little...less good at upholding the ideals. Deuce is really just there because the boss (Riddle) is, and because he likes being able to work closely with Ace. Cater...well Cater's true ideals are as of yet undiscussed but you *know* he probably doesn't fully buy into the "appreciate your life and change for the better" lesson John says they're giving people.

4. How they contribute to a positive work environment: 4 stars. Riddle would obviously do his best to ensure rules are followed but also that appropriate break times/measures are also instated. Cater is picking up the rest with his bubbly persona and making an effort to make sure everyone has something at the workplace to smile about. It may be a dusty old warehouse or abandoned workshop, or any other number of derelict places, but Cater's gonna make sure his friends have a little happiness in their days. Ace mostly complains, rather than trying to make the workplace better (Ace would like to point out he should not be blamed for this as they are literally murdering people and so he does not think putting up decorations and eating fancy dinners together completely offsets that vibe) and his whining often gets him in a scuffle with Deuce (they may be dating but they fight like an old married couple) which does bring down the workplace vibe a little bit and thus keeps them from achieving 5 stars.

Savanaclaw

1. Professional Conduct/Mannerisms: 3 stars. Leona's attitude and outward demeanor detract from the rating. However, Ruggie works his ass off to get the job done and get it done *right*, and Jack doesn't like acting what he views as rude. The efforts of the two of them earn them the 3 stars.

2. Organization/Punctuality: 5 stars. Despite how he often skips classes to nap and doesn't seem to really care about meeting deadlines or being on time, I believe Leona can be pretty punctual when he needs to. He wouldn't be so good at Spell Drive if he didn't have at least some sense of timing and punctuality. I also think that, despite him still thinking John is bat-shit fucking crazy, Leona prioritizes punctuality for the trap because it CANNOT interfere with his daily life and responsibilities as a prince, so as to not garner suspicion. Ruggie is also very punctual, since he often works many jobs and would never allow himself to be docked pay for being late if he could help it. And Jack would consider showing up late to be rude and disrespectful, so of course you know he would strive to be on time. John doesn't really have an issue with any of them regarding punctuality, and the traps are pretty organized in order to ensure they don't mess with Leona's life.

3. How well they uphold the Ideals of the Job: 1 star. Leona doesn't give a shit about John's ideology, he thinks he's fucking crazy. The main motivation for him is to go along with it to protect his own (Ruggie, Jack, Yuu, Grim, himself, etc.). We all know Ruggie would do anything for money, but John isn't paying them. Leona is (as per the murder fic for their dorm) but he's only doing that to make sure Ruggie is on board and therefore safe from John. I also think Ruggie would get a bit too vindictive at times, which is again not the ideology John is trying to "teach". Jack tries but he has a hard time stomaching a lot of things.

4. How they contribute to a positive work environment: 2 stars. Let's face it, they're not exactly enthused to be doing these little projects. The 2 stars comes from Jack's attitude and respect. Ruggie and Leona do not contribute. (Ruggie would like to argue he makes the environment very positive. Jack tells him they are being evaluated on the actual work, not the sex afterward...)

Octavinelle

1. Professional Conduct/Mannerisms: 5 stars. If there's one thing these boys know from running a restaurant chain, it's professionalism. Even Floyd can play along, if he feels it suits his interests. And he finds this work very interesting.

2. Organization/Punctuality: 4 stars. Jade and Azul are always on time and ready to go. And, let's be real, Azul has his traps planned to death and back again, with multiple back-up plans for any possible issues he can think of. Floyd is hit-or-miss, depending on his moods. He shows up relatively punctually the majority of the time, but if something grabs his attention...good luck getting him to show up at all.

3. How well they uphold the Ideals of the Job: 3 stars. See, for the most part they do it right, targeting people who "deserve" it and using it to protect their restaurant and staff; an arguably noble cause. But then, there's the fact that Jade's motivations also stem from wanting to see what would happen. He's the type of person to put someone in a death trap just to see what would happen. While that curiousity is not completely out of line with John's teachings, Jade's sadistic enjoyment from it is. Everyone knows Floyd just does what he finds interesting and fun. He doesn't feel overly attached to making the victims have a "change of heart" or "learn something". He prefers when they suffer and die. (this is why he's not allowed to do traps by himself. Azul and Jade both know he'd likely get bored or angry and just kill the person himself. And that would land them in a little bit of hot water with John, which they'd rather avoid).

4. How they contribute to a positive work environment: 4 stars. Overall, Jade and Floyd have a pretty positive attitude when working on traps. Once in a while, Floyd gets restless and distressed or distracted and starts messing with things or throwing fits. However, given the nature of the work, it doesn't take much to pull him out of that mood. Azul is really the one where they lose points here. As much as he makes sure proper body mechanics are being used so as not to wreck their backs and cause injury, and puts in all sorts of safeties for their group to make sure they don't get injured while on the job, his work habits follow him even here. He doesn't take breaks when he should, worries and stresses over every little piece of the plan, and basically continues to be a workaholic.

Scarabia

1. Professional Conduct/Mannerisms: 5 stars. Kalim is the oldest son of a wealthy merchant. You better believe he knows how to be professional and cordial in a work environment. His attitude may be described as "casual" by some, but in reality it's more "welcoming", which bodes very well for professionalism. Jamil is professional in a different way. He would lean more toward the formal and polite side of it. Neither way is necessarily wrong. John enjoys talking with both of them and discussing their traps with them.

2. Organization/Punctuality: 3 stars. Kalim's downfall is that he can be a bit scatter-brained. I do think he'd be a bit more organized after having graduated, but I don't think his old habits would go away entirely. Jamil is the one who keeps their plans neatly documented in folders and binders and makes sure they have all the supplies they need. I would also like to point out that it is harder for Kalim to participate in this part because he really doesn't enjoy the murder part, so he tries as much as possible not to think about it ahead of time.

3. How well they uphold the Ideals of the Job: 3 stars again. This time, it's Kalim pulling the weight. Kalim is the one who sees this less as something he wants to do and more as something he needs to do. It's a responsibility. He wants the world to be a better place and if this is a way to make that happen, he will try. Jamil is where they lose points. Jamil is the one who would create the inescapable traps. He sees it more as a way to hand down judgement and punishment on "deserving" people, rather than a way to teach them.

4. How they contribute to a positive work environment: 4 stars. As solemn as the job is for Kalim, and as vindictive as Jamil can be, the two of them try to have a rather positive workplace. Kalim always makes sure they take lots of breaks, so as not to get exhausted emotionally or physically, and Jamil always has many snacks prepared. The one star they get removed is because Jamil can get a little self-righteous and go on rants at times, which kind of detracts from the atmosphere.

Pomefiore

1. Professional Conduct/Mannerisms: 5 stars. Vil is the epitome of professionalism. He will allow nothing less in all that he does. Epel sometimes grumbles about needing to be so concerned over how they conduct themselves when putting people in murder traps, but he begrudgingly goes with it, dress code and all. (Vil makes them wear clothes suited to the job. He has issues with the robes and masks, but he understands the logic behind the disguise and agrees that it is not something anyone would expect Vil Schoenheit to be caught dead in, and so it makes a very good part of his alibi).

2. Organization/Punctuality: 5 stars. They are never late. Vil will not hear of it. Epel came close One(1) time, and Vil lectured for a full thirty minutes after they finished with the trap. In all honesty, Vil really can't afford to have things running late. He has a very busy, very public life. He can't afford any suspicions. His traps are planned down to the minute, with a small window of cushion time to allow if things go wrong.

3. How well they uphold the Ideals of the Job: 4 stars. Vil, much like Kalim, sees this less as something he really wants to do and more as a solemn responsibility. Rook finds there to be beauty in giving people a chance to change, and there is beauty in desperation and what people are willing to do to live. Epel sits in the corner and questions if Vil and Rook are actually ok or if they need some therapy (they do, but like so does all of the Twisted Wonderland cast). Epel is the one who doesn't fully buy John's ideology. However, he is respectful to John (his granny would kill him if she heard otherwise) and they have many discussions about right and wrong, so John finds he cannot dock too many points based on Epel's attitude.

4. How they contribute to a positive work environment: 4 stars. Vil does his best to make sure they have scheduled breaks and enough time to complete the traps without causing injury to themselves. Rook tends to light up the workplace with his mannerisms, and I like to think he brings in art to their various workplaces because a beautiful workplace can be inspiring and good for the soul, or so he says. He would also be the type to come up with all sorts of activities and exercises for team-building in the workplace. Epel is the one most likely to be pouty or moody or be an unwilling participant in whatever workplace bonding activities Rook comes up with.

Ignihyde

1. Professional Conduct/Mannerisms: 1 star. Listen. Idia's idea of "professionalism" for this job is wearing pants when he monitors the trap from the comfort of his basement, with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he chews on some gummy worms. The 1 star is because Ortho is always polite and well-polished when he interacts with John and when the trap is running.

2. Organization/Punctuality: 5 stars. Idia isn't playing around. He would never let a trap interfere with the important things in his life (playing video games, defeating bosses, participating in limited-time events for his mobile games, etc.). He's gonna make sure his traps are set up and start and end on time. And, he's more organized than he looks when it comes to tech. His workrooms and everything may seem chaotic, but he knows where everything is and has his traps planned out to every little detail. Each trap is like a challenge, and he does like showing off.

3. How well they uphold the Ideals of the Job: 2 stars. While Idia and Ortho do make sure to trap people who follow John's criteria for victims, Idia is more in it for the challenge of building the traps and Ortho is mostly in it because his brother is (though he doesn't mind getting revenge on people who piss them off...)

4. How they contribute to a positive work environment: 3 stars. Ortho is very positive and charismatic and charming in the work environment. Idia doesn't talk to anyone aside from Ortho unless he absolutely has to contact John, and even then it's usually via emails and rarely in person. Idia's also not exactly known for scheduling appropriate break times. He tends to get very wrapped up in watching his tech and making notes on what to improve and seeing if the victim can beat them...he often doesn't take breaks for hours at a time, depending on the trap's runtime. (Idia would like to point out in response to this evaluation that the workplace is VERY positive for him. "Nii-san. Please leave your computer, it's been six hours," Ortho begs in response.)

Diasomnia

1. Professional Conduct/Mannerisms: 5 stars. Malleus is a prince. He has been taught manners and how to conduct himself in a regal way since he was young. Lilia used to be a general. He knows how to behave professionally in the workplace. Sebek and Silver both feel they should maintain professional demeanor, as retainers to Malleus. John doesn't always understand all their mannerisms, but he does chalk most of that up to them being Fae and likely having different rules than humans, and he finds they are always polite and cordial so he really has no problem with their conduct.

2. Organization/Punctuality: 4 stars. Sometimes, Malleus gets lost in his own world (he is a Fae, after all, so his concept of time is very different at times). However, Lilia can find him most times and with his teleportation it is easy to be there relatively close to on-time. The rest of them are usually on time.

3. How well they uphold the Ideals of the Job: 3 stars. While Malleus does see this as an opportunity to make the world a safer place for Yuu, he also sees this as a way to sate some of his curiousity about humans. That's not *exactly* what John was going for, but he'll take what he can get. The rest of Diasomnia is basically there because Malleus is. They're not as interested in the actual work. Sebek tries to understand and follow John's teachings because Malleus seems to find them interesting, but I think his main motivation is still more about Malleus than the actual ideals John is trying to impart. Lilia is mostly there to be a bit of impulse control for Malleus, let's face it. And Silver feels he should be there out of duty to Malleus. So, really, Malleus (and sometimes Sebek) is the only one who sort of tries to follow John's ideals.

4. How they contribute to a positive work environment: 4 stars. They do their best. Lilia brings a lot of positivity and fun to the workplace to keep it stress-free. However, when Silver tests out parts for the traps, it drives him a little up the wall and he has to leave the workplace. The rest of the time, though, the workplace is rather positive and relatively relaxed as they plan the trap and set it up.

There you go! The evaluations of the dorms as Jigsaw Apprentices!! Hope you enjoyed my answers, this was a very fun ask!

[cafeinthemoon]

The Home I Crave - Chapter XV

Chapter: 15/?

Wordcount: 2900

Title: Hand Signs

Fandom: Naruto

Pairing: Tobirama Senju X reader

Previous chapters

1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 . 7 . 8 . 9 . 10 . 11 . 12 . 13 . 14

Symbols: ⭕ . ➕ . 💛

Warning (s): none

N. A.: Yeah I think I owe you apologies for taking this long to post this chapter, but here it is, finally! I was feeling so upset and guilty for not writing as much as before, but it's simply because I haven't had time to sit down and work on my stories. These days have been rough 😣

You didn’t remember well how things happened after the man left your door. You only remembered seeing Tobirama turning to you and saying something, trying to raise his voice above the storm’s sounds, but it wouldn’t let you understand the exact words. You probably stood up and took the first clothes you could find, but you weren’t sure how; even less passable of an explanation was how your husband could find time to put his full armor before you two left the room, all your package except for the weapons being abandoned there as well as your hopes of having at least one pacific night before going back on your journey.

Somehow you reached the first floor, from where the people of the tea house were trying to leave as fast a possible. The ninjas you saw when you arrived at the place came to speak to you. They were in three.

You two turned to them and the one who seemed to be the leader of the group introduced himself:

- I am Yuuta from the Land of Wind– and turning aside to indicate his partners – These are my brothers, Yuji and Yoko. We understand that you two are shinobi like us. We’ve heard about the ditch and thought we could work together to help the people who live here.

There was no time to think about the strangeness of the situation or to have suspicions about the group. You felt a sort of regret for the bad impression you had of them at first, because they seemed to be honest people now that you paid close attention to them.

Apparently Tobirama had the same opinion, judging by his response when he spoke for you two.

- We are shinobi from the Leaf Village. I am Tobirama Senju and this is my wife, Y/n from the … clan. We are going to the village near this tea house to help the people there.

- I am used to work in rescuing missions and it would be of great help if some of you came with me – you completed.

Yoko, who was the only woman among them and seemed to be the youngest sibling, replied that she had experience in rescues too. You and the three ninjas had a quick conversation and it was decided that Yuuta and Yuji were going to help the people of the inn while you and Yoko were going to the village. However, when Yuuta asked Tobirama to stay at the inn with him and his brother, the Senju refused.

But it was the explanation given by him for such refusal that left everyone stunned.

- I will be more useful if I’d go with the women because I have a plan to stop the flood. However,I need to see the territory to make sure it will work.

The entire group stared at him in silence, but none of them dared laugh at him or question his attitude: it was clear that Tobirama was not joking, neither he was the type who needs to justify himself to others, even more if he just met them. That was not a man one wouldn’t take seriously. You yourself were caught in surprise, but you had the same reasons as the others to keep quiet as well.

In the end, Yuuta and the others nodded and the group was divided and you three were running toward the small village that was said to be near the tea house.

***

Now that you had some time to pay attention to your thoughts, you were running without talking, trying to process everything that was said during the conversation with the three shinobi of the Wind. So, Tobirama had a plan to help the villagers – perhaps a plan that started to take form when you were still in the inn’s room and your husband was talking to the man at your door – but whatever he wanted to do, it sounded absurd even to his standards. You started to think if all the Senju people were like him or if he was the one who differed from the rest of the clan.

Above these valid questions, an intrusive thought that you’ve been trying to suppress just took over your mind: you couldn’t forget the involuntary way in which you turned your head away from the group when you heard him introduce you as his wife. If that situation happened just a few days before you’d surely be irritated: he haven’t done anything that served as a proof that he acknowledged you as his spouse, so why would he call you his wife in front of those strangers? Well, after the things you’ve been through in that journey, it didn’t seem appropriate for you to just get angry. The truth was that you didn’t know how to feel about it.

If things stopped at this, you would be okay. Problem was that it didn’t: soon, you were remembering the dream you had just before the knocks on your door woke you up. The strangest part of it was that you weren’t sure of when exactly you fell asleep – was it before or after the… kiss? You firmly believed it was before. Just the diligent manner in which he left your side on the bed to answer the door showed that the kiss was not real. It couldn’t be.

But it felt so real. Almost as if you’ve been wanting it for days. Thinking of this made your face warm up despite the cold drops of rain falling on it.

Yoko’s voice brought you back to the present moment, among the sound of the raindrops on the trees above and the soaked soil swallowing your feet.

- Y/n-san, do you know this village? – she was asking – Any information about its geography can be useful for us to form a rescue plan!

You took a second to understand what she was saying under that storm, but once you did you tried as best as you could to explain that you’ve never been at the village.

- I’ve been in that tea house before, but I’ve never visited the village itself! I don’t know what we’re going to find there!

- So what now? – there was preoccupation implied in her tone.

- Supposing that the village’s territory is similar to the inn’s, with a flat ground and enough open space, things can be a bit easier – you knew it was a shot in the dark, but you wanted to avoid causing desperation in your new partner – It means that its people have a good chance to escape just by running. I’m a Doton user. I can stay behind and build barriers to delay the flood while you lead the way for them!

Fortunately for you, Yoko agreed with your suggestion.

- Right!

However, that was not the end of the conversation or your worries. The girl didn’t forget that Tobirama took a difficult – almost impossible –task for himself that would separate him from the rest of you, and decided to question him about it.

- And what about you, Tobirama-san? – she spoke to the man who was slightly ahead of you – What exactly are you going to do?

Tobirama replied your question as if the answer was something obvious.

- I am going to check the flood’s path and think of a way to stop it.

You opened your mouth and the storm drops that entered it almost made you gag.

- Listen, I know you are a master of Suiton, but I think that’s a bit extreme!

That time he looked at you while speaking.

- I do not plan to use mere Water Style to solve this, y/n-san. I will explain when we get there!

***

The village, just as the inn’s owner informed you, was so close to the tea house that you reached it in less than two minutes.

It was smaller than you imagined, though. It was formed by one large, main street that had its lines defined by groups of small, modest houses on both sides. These houses had their doors and windows all open, and the villagers were reunited outside them.You didn’t need to look for too long to see terror in their eyes. An old man was holding his cane so tight that his fingers were becoming pale; no so far from him, a woman was trying to calm down a child crying and asking what why was everybody so scared. Others were trying to run with packs on their backs, trying to reach the grove’s path. Among all those people there were some animals, faster than their owners in leaving the place to hide among the trees.

Tobirama, you and Yoko looked at each other but didn’t say anything. You just walked ahead and when the people noticed your presence, they opened the way for you without questioning your reasons to come. You knew what this reaction meant: it only showed how rare was for them to see shinobi in their territory.

Before any of you could ask who was in charge there, a man ran toward you, screaming:

- Who sent you three? The village is doomed! Soon this place is going to be under water!

You asked if anyone was missing.

- No, we are all here – the man replied – Except for Toji, who ran to the inn to alert the people there.

You were thinking of what to say in response when Tobirama took a step toward him and spoke in his commanding voice:

- We are shinobi from Konoha and we’re here to stop the flood! – and elevating his voice for the others to hear – All of you! My partners, y/n-san and Yoko-san, will guide you through the grove! Our other friends will meet your group in the middle of the way and help you! Do as they say and everyone will be safe!

You didn’t know it was possible for someone to obtain such power of influence on people they didn’t even know in so little time until you saw the people’s reaction to your husband’s words. Once they heard his voice, they gathered around him, their desperation soon replaced by a serious attention; they stopped pushing and stumbling on each other he gave his instructions. Their eyes turned to you then, and you did your best to calm them down: as your experiences in rescuing missions told you, that was the crucial moment when you had to make sure the victims would trust your leadership.

- Prioritize the women, the children and the elderly! Those ones who can carry children, do it! Do not take unnecessary weight with you! Follow the same direction and do not push each other! Yoko-san will go ahead of you, and I will be right behind you!

You pointed the grove’s path and felt relieved when you saw the people obeying your command. With words like “Do not look back” to the people, you went to the end of the line and saw Tobirama going to the end of the street, now empty. Instead of staying with the last people of the group, you followed him. You needed to ask what exactly he was going to do, because yes, you already knew he had an established plan, but you would feel safer if he shared its entirety with you.

Before you could say something, he turned and asked you:

- Y/n-san, do you have any Doton technique that is able to open a large crack or a ditch in the soil, one that could divide this ground from side to side?

You swallowed your surprise for receiving this very specific question and said that yes, you knew such technique. As well as its level of danger.

- Of course. But this is not a simple technique. It requires great quantity of chakra and might not work well if you’re not familiar with it. The ditch could end up not being deep or large enough.

Your reasons apparently were not enough to scare the Senju, however.

- Do not worry about it. This is exactly what I need right now. Tell me the signs.

You swallowed and told him the signs. His eyes followed your movements without blinking, and when you finished he thanked you with a nod. He made the signs of his Shadow Clone technique and created two other versions of him, each one with a pair of kunai that carried the mark of his Hiraishin. He also marked the Clones themselves with the seal.

As if he understood that you wouldn’t leave until he said something, he didn’t deny an explanation of his plan.

- Me and these two Clones are going to take positions at the points where the flood is going to pass. Each of us are going to use your jutsu to open ditches on the ground. They will contain part of the water and diminish its force. If it shows to not be enough to completely stop the flood, it will at least minimize the destruction in the village’s ground.

So he was really going to try what you suspected: to stop the water all by himself. Within the little time you had at the moment, you thought of it. If this have happened just a few days before, the first and only thing you’d think would be how ambitious, even pretentious of him to try such plan without help. But now that you’ve seen a bit more of Tobirama, something like that coming from him didn’t sound so absurd. No, it was exactly the kind of thing you should expect. You also remembered when he manifested an interest in seeing that village’s structure when you were talking to the inn’s owner. Of course: he lived in a village, one that he helped to build and worked to protect. It was only natural for him to be willing to do something for the people of this one when it was in his power to do it.

You stood for a moment.

- Tobirama.

That was the first time you called him by his name. It was enough to make him turn to you again; his Clones followed his move.

- If your plan doesn’t work as you expect, do not stay here.

There was no disdain for your preoccupation in his reply. Still, the respect for your worries didn’t stop him from exposing his belief in the plan’s success and reminding you that you didn’t know everything he could do. Not yet.

- It will work. Thanks to your technique.

And without waiting for a response from you, he turned to his Clones and sent them ahead. They used their kunai and teleported themselves to somewhere out of your sight.

***

When you went back to the group of villagers and explained your husband’s idea to Yoko, you sensed that she was as shocked with his plan as you were, but she was better than you in handling her surprise.

With the shock came the question you never felt you were ready to answer.

- Well, that’s an audacious thing to try. But do you trust him with this?

You nodded without thinking too much of your own fear. Yoko was not your only company; the villagers were there, looking at you – and you knew that in times like that, the wrong word could mess up with the best plans.

- I will go to the end of the line now. Just follow the plan!

The girl didn’t waste time with discussions or doubts.

- Right!

With these matters solved between you and her, you ran back to the end of the line.

But you wouldn’t stay with the people for too long. Patiently, you waited until the last villager entered the woods, far enough from the flood’s way, to go back to Yoko and talk to her apart from the folks.

- Listen. When you asked me if I trusted my husband’s plan, I said yes. And I really do. But I can’t go with you and leave him behind.

The woman’s reaction was nothing like you expected when you said that. Instead of minimizing your worries or suspecting from you, she put her hand on your shoulder, speaking in an assuring, whispered tone;

- Of course you can’t. Don’t worry. I’ve been living among men for a while. I know how stubborn they can be sometimes – she then looked over her shoulder, to a spot above, in a tree; there was a bird looking down at you, one of the species used to send messages – Besides, my brothers are close now. They can help me with the people.

You put your own hand on her shoulder to express your support and gratitude.

- Right. I’m leaving, then. Thank you.

She laughed.

- Just go!

You looked behind you, to the deep grove, eager to cross those trees again and terrified by what you could find after them. However, you were on a rescue mission, not only for the people of that village, but for him and yourself. You still had to leave that place and follow your journey; you still had to reach your family’s compound. And you wouldn’t do that if you stood there. The flood was coming. There was no time to waste.

You took a deep breath and forced your feet to move.

[book-o-scams]

What do you think of the Kanker's presence in Jingle Jingle Jangle? How is it different from their other appearances?

OKAY I FINALLY DID IT!  Step right up and see analysis of the Kankers’ parts of Jingle Jingle Jangle!  Only 3 or 4 weeks late!

First of all, in case I never analyze this special in full, I want to call out that this whole way of connecting the Eds’ A Plot to the Kankers’ B Plot is complete nonsense.... randomly discarded and forgotten flashlight + conveniently placed mirror = reflection of light pointed at the sky = Star of Bethlehem that uses Godlight to deliver sexual harassment to the main characters???  It is a purely visual idea, and what’s worse it seemingly has no meaning....  is it punishment for wasting a battery??  Then what was the point of the special’s other Chekhov’s lightbulb!?

Was that just a spiritual redemption, but not an escape from his punishment?  

Is it punishment for breaking his parents’ trust?  

Is it just to say the Kankers’ lives are sadder and this universe’s god prioritizes them above the Eds or anyone else?

Or is the Snow itself an entity, like the Static?  Both are terms to refer to television fuzz….  

Is Evil Tim in control of the holidays, with all the magical Santas and Elves and Monsters that get to appear in these episodes???  

The Snow is even the first thing to appear, in detailed close-up for one time, before the rest of the universe fades into existence, ushering Plank (and Jonny) into the digital era before the Eds OR the Kankers get to appear at all, and scenes where the snow is coming down are markedly more abstract and focused on the characters being quiet and internalizing their emotions.  

Is supernature itself overwhelming the characters at will and leading them to cruel fates!?  

Is the supersnow meant as a warning of the literal and figurative after-effects bound to invade any show switching to digital!?  

SOMEBODY STOP ME!

The snow even just fades out when Eddy’s light starts glowing.

I’m sorry to begin with a whole silly rant. It’s just that Christmas specials are normally the one episode of any show that can be counted on to let the main characters have a win.  The show was set to end with its stagnant nihilistic 4th season, so it was a miracle to get the holiday specials or digital era at all...  So this Kanker ending stung more than usual.

That said, this special has won me over as an adult!  The series’ first foray into digital animation looks really gorgeous and it’s such a visually driven special, you can’t look away.   The animation is unfortunately a little better than the digital era could make consistent, but it’s close enough to feel like the same show as everything that came before and after it.  Definitely some of the most experimental style choices the show ever made. I’m always so glad the backgrounds are still hand-painted throughout Jingle Jingle Jangle.

I’m fascinated by the way this star is clearly a digital effect, but at the same time it avoids being too high quality for EEnE by mostly looking like a dry brush (like when they do those paint-blurs when the characters move fast), and animating the star as white outlines with no color inside when they could easily do a real light effect is an interesting choice.  It captures the eery prettiness the star’s role demands without betraying the show’s sketchiness.

I really like the music direction this whole special, but this opening to the Kankers’ Christmas is one of my favorite parts.  It is about a minute long and starts 2 and a half minutes into the special.

As we start hearing dialogue from Lee, the camera whips down to the trailer park and the Kankers’ theme music drums in.  This is the one time the show really made me aware the Kankers have a theme so now I always keep an ear out for that music cue.  I know it fills most of their appearances in Big Picture Show.

Inside, the Kankers sit and squabble as always, playing with a box of Krazy Krackers.  Apparently Christmas Crackers are a more popular thing in the UK (the show had a lot of UK influence around this time, with Rachel Connor joining as head writer in the next season), but I think it’s been confirmed to be a Canadian thing too now.

Room analysis!   The Kankers seem to have to make do when it comes to decorations… They have lights on the staircase and around the windows, and a cute wreathe with a red light on top of their TV, but their tree is a lone stick that has 7 branches if it’s lucky, it’s plugged into the wall yet the one light on it isn’t working, and most of the ornaments seem to be recyclables, barbed wire, or orbs that have fallen from the tree.  Oven mitts have been hung from the wall in place of stockings and rather than garland, they’ve trimmed their living room with chains, fishing lures and… are those shower curtain lines?

This is probably the most the show really gets across how big of an economic difference there is between the cul-de-sac and the trailer park.  The kids, even Ed and Eddy (unfortunately we see little of Edd’s family’s Christmas traditions), seem to have very gaudy and extravagant decorations, most of them appear to be expecting family or coworker Christmas parties later in the evening.  The Kankers’ trailer is sparse by comparison.

Marie being the least cheery at Christmas is probably the most punk thing about her..

Focusing Kanker scenes on May is pretty typical of this point in the series, but I like how infallibly nice May is in this one.  Marie tries to blow the Christmas cracker up in May’s face, and yet May barely reacts to the threat level here as anything out of the ordinary.  Then again, this scene likely exaggerates how much these things are like firecrackers.

May calls the cracker a dud, so of course Lee razzes her, “just like you, huh, May?”  This moment has a good undertone of Lee trying to readjust Marie’s negativity to more of a light ribbing, to fit the season.

REALLY COOL DIGITAL DRYBRUSH EXPLOSION EFFECTS…

What’s the deal with this eyepatch on Marie though?  Is this just a “under the bangs” teaser gag like the one frame three-eyed Lee in BPS?  The artists don’t try nearly as hard to hide Marie’s full face as they do Lee’s….  Is it just an unexplained one-episode injury like Jimmy’s?  

so glad even the digital X-mas special gets inverted frames, one of the most interesting visual features of the series’ early episodes

Good honest reactions of concern for May from Marie and Lee..

WHAT IS THIS A HALLOWEEN SPECIAL!?

“Look, Lee, May got a makeover~!”

….how desensitized have they become to slapstick!?  Sarah and Jimmy react to a similar gag with Eddy casually decapitating Ed next season with utter horror and confusion!

Apparently the most important thing here is that Marie wasn’t left out of getting a crown.

5 fingers on her right hand for one pose…

Note that the Kankers have replaced their wall unit’s knick knacks with Christmas cards from their invisible friends and family! 

 “Joy”

 “HAVE A XMAS” 

“From Your Father” (please appreciate this rare acknowledgement of the likelihood of a preferred Kanker dad)

“Ho Ho Ho” 

“Happy Kwanza” (also the one acknowledgment of other winter holidays in this Christmas special and I don’t think it’s even spelled correctly… I thought for sure at least JIMMY would celebrate Hanukkah or something…)

“[doodle of a candy cane]”

“DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE?” 

one of this special’s many references to classic holiday staples, in this case the song, ‘Do You Hear What I Hear?’  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Do_You_Hear_What_I_Hear%3F

“Something twinkling in the sky!”

This opening scene to their plot starts the Kankers off as unusually innocent and naive, seemingly motivated only by an attraction to light, like moths.  Lee even has to ask “where is it?” to which Marie correctly points out that May already said the star was in the sky.

To be fair, Lee’s hair was blocking her eye, and we finally get to see her eye for the first time since season 1!

I LOVE this little detail of Lee twirling her foot before skipping out of frame.

Marie rises, embarrassed to have been choked and dropped so carelessly.

She tries to save face by telling May to come on.

May’s Christmas cheer will not be defeated!  

She teases Marie by giving Marie the same “come on” command.

Iconic!!  Doesn’t this shot kinda make you think of the night scenes in Disney’s Aladdin?

10 minutes later, we get another minute of Kanker B-plot.  I don’t think any other episode ever gets this close to the super-geometric outline-eradicating Samurai-Jack-esque style Rod Filbrandt uses in concept art for his backgrounds..

Such background porn…  I’m really unsettled by the weird abandoned signs of life this God Light takes the Kankers to…  It’s like a trail of death leading to the Eds’ bad ending and the Kankers are too desensitized to pick up on that.

Lee gives her sisters a quick glance as they approach.

Lee and May unintentionally shut Marie out and she steps around.

Also, I’ll give them points for the “gold, frankincense and myrrh” = “mold, franks and cents, and fur” rhyme gag, but only because I wasn’t aware of that part of the nativity scene until this special aired.  I was 13 when this came out, which means I’d already done like 8 grades of Catholic school, how did they fail to make any impression on me!?   But honestly, that’s a weird punchline to try and use as a button on this bit.  And as much as I love the art in that montage, it seems like it would’ve worked even better as a mood-setting detail if they found each gift separately between each house Eddy visited.

“What the heck is it?“  Pretty sure her mouth colors are mismatched.

“It’s a sign, stupid.“   Touching.

I love when they all look up in unison.

They look more confused as they walk away.

I’m really interested in how extra moody Marie seems in this montage.  I also noticed that their frostbitten walk through the snow seems to be slightly foreshadowing of the walk Eddy goes on in the climax.  

This is a really iconic shot and camera direction for me too, and it’s the one appearance of the junkyard at night in the whole show (as a setting, there’s at least one episode that shows it from overhead at night).  It’s also one of like 3 uses of the junkyard as a setting in the digital era.  And here you can barely even recognize it under the snow.  Still looks great, though!

They are SO introspective over this star… what are they contemplating?  Should we retroactively assume they’re regretting their situations with the Eds post-Fistful, or accept that this special wasn’t made in chronological order and think of something less specific, like family troubles or… just not thinking anything particular at all???  

Lee and May stare dumbfounded at their lost-in-thought sister.

Very cute Maries.

Love that unoutlined background pipe.

This glow effect seems.. broken.

“weiners and pennies!?“

Wait…  …Are you kidding me?  I just noticed that May and Marie are each wearing one half of the same pair of gloves and the same pair of mittens….

Oooh look at this goregous postcard-ready background of the construction site!  The construction site only has one other night scene I can think of that isn’t just an overhead shot, and it’s only one shot of Ed running there to grab a cement mixer during his fight with Nazz in Boo Haw Haw.

I really love how these gradient-silhouettes with blobby purple outlines look.  Their progression through the show’s locations reminds me of the EEnE video games (mainly Jawbreakers! for the GBA because that was the only game they had at this time)…  I think they also used this silhouette style for the kids on the Scam of the Century DS game cover.

i love EEnE vehiclessssss

I love wondering whose coat this is and why it’s been left here…  Also, do the rust and torn seat imply this construction site is officially abandoned? Or is this one of only a few vehicles that got left behind right before Christmas break and is now being ravaged by the elements?

This frame always makes me yearn for a future where Lee is a construction worker. Or demolition!!!

“It’s a coat.  Come on, we’re getting close.“  Oh sure fine, makes sense to me.

We then cut one street over to Eddy in Plot A, where it isn’t snowing, reinforcing the idea that the Kanker’s story is not chronologically synced up to Eddy’s story.

Anyway, another 10 minutes later, we get a final Kanker scene!

The Snow is strong enough to smack Eddy with a door (UNINTENTIONAL BRO FORESHADOWING?).  Eddy is also not very good at boarding a door, apparently.

On a scale of 1-10, how blasphemous is this shot?

The Snow encroaches upon the Eds

“Could it be!?  Three kings who have traveled afar!?“

How serious is that question, Edd.... why would there be three real-ass monarchs in Rolf’s shed in the middle of an American blizzard???

I feel real weird about Edd being so religious in this episode, it’s too soon after season 4 made such a point of Edd not believing in things that cannot be proven…  

I like that the special is religious.  As agnostic as Catholic school made me, Christmas specials that get sentimental about the Christian traditions get the most nostalgia out of me.  But this special and series clearly revels in sin and hopelessness, so I found it kind of jarring how much of this special lets the Bible references be played straight.  Making Edd super religious just so he can continue to be fanserviced as an angel felt a little cheap, and I feel like it creates an undertone that Eddy is being punished for not being as religious as the others around him.

But take my complaints there with a grain of salt, it’s impossible to understand X-mas Special Logic, where it’s not quite Christianity, just some sort of TV-safe offshoot with elves and magic and a generally more fantastical mythology.

Hey the silhouettes are back!

I already spoiled this joke...

I do really like this shot…  Nice to see Rolf’s animals get a Christmas cameo.

I do entertain the idea that the Kankers really think these gifts will warm the Eds’ hearts and earn their admiration.  But we all know this will be a short lived moment.

“This image certainly has the Christmas spirit…“

And now that there’s been a beat of peace, the Kankers reveal their true intention of pressuring the Eds into gifting them some kisses.  The way they trap them in the shed and suggest it’ll last a whole year is really one of the creepiest approaches to a Kanker ending in the whole show.  Obviously it’s not likely it would really last that long, and imo if it’s just kisses it’s not really new or surprising... but it’s still a pretty damn meanspirited ending for a beautifully-crafted holiday special that very easily could have been scrapped by the show’s season 4 cancellation. 

I do love the fur coat being draped over the cow’s face, though.

And it is honestly important to know the Eds can still do well drawn group scream takes in digital.

May and Ed scaring the animals is a nice touch, but I hate how we hear May going “oink” during this walla.

“WAIT”

“I’M AN ANGEL”

“STOP!!!!”

kiiiinda scary

I hate Eddy almost getting away but kinda love this rare separation of his eyes.

At this point my brain dies and I just go “aw the kids are so cute this is the only thing going on look how cute jonny is and kevin is being so nice and rolf is such a killyjoy i love this i love their group what a great xmas special nothing went wrong everyone is singing”

hope you had a good Kanker appreciation month!

*cries*

[techspotguruji]

Cinnamon Mint for Debian Just as Tasty

The official release of version 3 of Linux Mint Debian Edition hit the download servers at summer's end, offering a subtle alternative to the distro's Ubuntu-based counterpart. Codenamed "Cindy," the new version of LMDE is based on Debian 9 Stretch and features the Cinnamon desktop environment. Its release creates an unusual situation in the world of Linux distro competition. Linux Mint developers seem to be in competition with themselves. LMDE is an experimental release. The Linux Mint community offers its flagship distro based on Ubuntu Linux in three desktop versions: Cinnamon, Mate and Xfce. The Debian version is different under the hood. For example, the software package base is provided by Debian repositories instead of from Ubuntu repositories. Another difference is the lack of point releases in LMDE. The only application updates between each annual major upgrade are bug and security fixes. In other words, Debian base packages will stay the same in LMDE 3 until LMDE 4 is released next year. That is a significant difference. Mint system and desktop components get updated continuously in a semi-rolling release process as opposed to periodic point releases. So newly developed features are pushed directly into LMDE. Those same changes are held for inclusion on the next upcoming Linux Mint (Ubuntu-based) point release. Using LMDE instead of the regular Linux Mint distro is more cutting edge -- but only if you use the Cinnamon desktop. LMDE does not offer versions with Mate and Xfce desktops.

Personal Quest

Linux Mint -- as in the well-established Ubuntu-based release -- is my primary computing workhorse, mostly thanks to the continuing refinements in the Cinnamon desktop. However, I spend a portion of my weekly computing time using a variety of other Linux distros on a collection of "test bench" desktops and laptops dedicated to my regular Linux distro reviews. The most critical part of my regular distro hopping is constantly adjusting to the peculiar antics of a host of user interfaces, including GNOME, Mate, KDE Plasma and Xfce. I return to some favorites more than others depending on a distro's usability. That, of course, is a function of my own preferences and computing style. So when LMDE 3 became available, I gave in to finding the answer to a question I had avoided since the creation of Linux Mint Debian Edition several years ago. I already knew the issues separating Debian from Ubuntu. The dilemma: Does Debian-based versus Ubuntu-based Linux Mint really matter?   Linux Mint Debian is a near-identical replication of the Ubuntu-based Standard Linux Mint Cinnamon version.

Confusing Scenario

Does a Debian family tree make Linux Mint's Cinnamon distro better than the Ubuntu-based main version? Given the three desktop options in the Linux Mint distro, does a duplicate Cinnamon desktop choice involving a Debian base instead of an Ubuntu base make more sense? Consider this: Ubuntu Linux is based on Debian Linux. The Linux Mint distro is based on Ubuntu, which is based on Debian. So why does Linux Mint creator and lead developer Clement Lefebvre care about developing a Debian strain of Linux Mint Cinnamon anyway? The Debian distro also offers a Cinnamon desktop option, but no plans exist for other desktop varieties.

Clarifying Clarity

I have found in years of writing software reviews that two factors are critical to how I respond to a particular Linux distribution. One is the underlying infrastructure or base a particular distro uses. A world of differences can exist when comparing an Arch-based distro to a Debian- or RPM- or Slackware-based distro, for instance -- and yes, there are numerous more family categories of Linux distributions. My second critical factor is the degree of tweaking a developer applies to the chosen desktop environment. That also involves considering the impact of whether the distro is lightweight for speed and simplicity or heavyweight for productivity and better performance. Some desktop options are little more than window managers like Openbox or Joe's Window Manager (JWN), IceWM or Fluxbox. Others are shell environments patched over GNOME 3 like Mate and Cinnamon. Assessing performance gets more involved when a distro offers more than one desktop option. Or when a distro uses a more modern or experimental desktop environment like Enlightenment, Pantheon, LXQt or Budgie.

Reasonable Need

What if the Ubuntu base went away? The Ubuntu community is headed by a commercial parent company, Canonical. The road to Linux development is littered with used-to-be Linux distros left abandoned. Their users had to move on. When the Ubuntu community years ago made its new Unity desktop the default, Lefebvre created Linux Mint as an alternative and replaced Unity with the infant Cinnamon he helped create. Ironically, the Ubuntu community recently jettisoned Unity and replaced it with the GNOME desktop. In Lefebvre's release notes for LMDE 3, he noted the development team's main goal was to see how viable the Linux Mint distribution would be and how much work would be necessary if Ubuntu ever should disappear.

Same Difference Maybe

The challenge is to make LMDE as similar as possible to Linux Mint without using Ubuntu. I am not a programmer, but it seems to me that what Lefebvre has been doing is make square pegs fit into round holes. It seems to be working. Debian, Linux Mint and Ubuntu all hail from the Debian repositories. Ubuntu also is derived from Debian. However, the base editions are different. The main difference between editions, Lefebvre explained, is that the standard edition may have a desktop application for some features. To get the same features in LMDE, users might have to compensate by altering a configuration file using a text editor. So far, that makes LMDE less polished than the standard (Ubuntu-based) edition, just as Debian tends to be less polished on the first bootup than Ubuntu, he suggested. His point is well taken. Linux Mint modifies the base integration to create a better user experience. That is why years ago, as an Ubuntu user, I crossed over to Linux Mint. It also bolsters what I previously said about my two essential factors in reviewing Linux distros. From Lefebvre's view, LMDE likely is a smarter choice over the Ubuntu-based version for users who prioritize stability and security. Users looking for more recent packages likely will be less satisfied with LMDE 3. Despite the more rigorous updates, some packages on LMDE could be several years old by the time the next release comes out. Some software package delays and other minor differences lie under the surface of the Debian edition of Linux Mint, but you will look long and hard to find them.

First Impressions

"Cindy" installed and ran without issue. Its iteration of the Cinnamon desktop displayed and performed like its near-twin from the Ubuntu family. That was a pleasant surprise that reinforced my longstanding reliance on the Cinnamon desktop over other options. To say that the Cindy release *just works* is an understatement. The menus and configuration settings are the same. The panel bar is an exact replica in terms of its appearance and functionality. The hot corners work the same way in both versions. So do the applets and desklets that I have grown so fond of over the years. Even the Software Center remains the same. Of course, the location of the repositories points to different locations, but the same package delivery system underlies both LMDE 3 and the Ubuntu-based Tara version of Linux Mint Cinnamon. My only gripe with functionality centers on the useless extensions. I hoped that the experience with Cindy would transcend the longstanding failure of extensions in the Ubuntu-based Cinnamon desktop. It didn't. Almost every extension I tried issued a warning that the extension was not compatible with the current version of the desktop. So in one way at least, the Debian and the Ubuntu versions remain in sync. Neither works -- and yes, both Cinnamon versions were the current 3.8.8.

Other Observations

I was disappointed to see LibreOffice 5 preinstalled rather than the current LibreOffice 6.1. Cindy has both Ubiquity and Calamares installers. I suggest using the Calamares installer. It has a great disk partitioning tool and a more efficient automated installation process. For newcomers, the Linux Mint installer is easier to use, though. As for the kernel, the Cindy version is a bit behind the times. It ships with kernel version 4.9.0-8; my regular Linux Mint distro is updated to 4.15-0-33. Also consider the basic hardware requirements for LMDE. They might not be as accommodating as the Ubuntu version of Linux Mint Cinnamon. You will need at least 1 GB RAM, although 2 GB is recommended for a comfortable fit. Also, 15 GB of disk space is the minimum, although 20 GB is recommended. Here are some additional potential limitations for your hardware: The 64-bit ISO can boot with BIOS or UEFI; The 32-bit ISO can only boot with BIOS; The 64-bit ISO is recommended for all computers sold since 2007 as they are equipped with 64-bit processors.

Bottom Line

If you are considering taking Cindy for a joyride, be sure to check out the release notes for known issues. Also, thoroughly test the live session before installing LMDE 3 to any mission-critical computers. If you do follow through and install the Debian version of Linux Mint, consider the move a short-term computing solution -- that is, unless you like doing a complete system upgrade. LMDE is not a long-term support release. Unlike the five-year support for the regular LTS release with the Ubuntu-based version, Cindy's support runs out perhaps at the end of this year. The developers cannot project an exact release schedule for LMDE 4, either. Lefebvre warned that several potential compatibility issues loom in the near future. For example, Cinnamon 4.0 is likely to be incompatible with Debian Stretch. A contemplated change in the Meson build system may get in the way as well.

Want to Suggest a Review?

Is there a Linux software application or distro you'd like to suggest for review? Something you love or would like to get to know? Please email your ideas to me, and I'll consider them for a future Linux Picks and Pans column. And use the Reader Comments feature below to provide your input! Read the full article

[magpiefngrl]

The Year of Finishing Things, or What Self-Indulgence Taught Me

I can’t remember who it was (Gaiman I think? Or Stiefvater?) who said that they learned the most from finishing a book, seeing a project to the very end rather than any other writing aspect.

It intrigued me, that comment, probably because it touched a nerve; aside from a handful of short stories of 2-2.5k and some fic oneshots (most under 1k words), I hadn’t really finished a long piece of writing by then. My longish fics were abandoned at a convenient – or not so convenient – point and to this day remain unfinished on AO3, gathering virtual dust and cobwebs. This failure to complete a project became an internalized conviction that I am incapable of reaching the end of a WIP. These convictions become self-fulfilled prophecies if you let them ­– and I did. I’ve been working on my YA novel for over 2 years, on and off, and I always stumble at the 60-70%, quite probably because I expect that I’ll stumble there.

Last year I wrote an impressive 148k words and I have nothing to show for it, besides a short story which I had beta-read but which I have since put off revising. So not even that. Determined that 2017 will be the Year of Finishing Things with regards to my writing, I decided that instead of abandoning the plot bunny that dragged me by the nose at the start of January, I should give in to temptation, write it and Finish the bloody thing.

And by god, I did. I posted the last chapter yesterday on AO3 and it’s fucking done. I expected it to reach 22k but it rose to 37600 words, the Longest Piece of Writing I Have Ever Completed, proper novella length, and the work I’m most proud of so far.

In January a couple of friends expressed concern over my prioritizing fanfiction over original writing and I see their point: if I’d devoted all those writing hours to my YA novel during the past seven weeks, I’d have made some pretty good progress. But I don’t regret it for these reasons:

1. Firstly and most importantly, because by finishing the fanfic, I smashed my stupid internal conviction to bits. I’ll return to my novel now without the self-recrimination (“if you could do it, you’d have finished it already, why don’t you give up and maybe stop writing altogether”) but with the attitude “Bring it the fuck on, I did it before, I can do it again.”

2. Also, I learned so much from this particular project, more so than any other project ever. I’ve learned what kind of writer I am. For instance, I confirmed that I’m a pantser through and through, and that I should trust myself and this stupid, broken brain inside my skull, because the story is there even when I doubt it, and I can bring it to the page with some perseverance. I’ve learned that I’m one of those writers who’ll have a perfectly polished 90% of the book before even drafting the very end and that works for me. I noticed that, like my YA novel, I blasted through the first 20k, stumbled in the middle, but that the momentum picked up again at the end.

3. What kept me going through the dreaded middle is that this fic is the most self-indulgent thing I’ve ever written. I loved writing it; there were mornings that I woke up raring to get to it and days when I spent over ten hours writing like mad. I even read it some nights in bed instead of another book because I like it so very much. Is it arrogant to say? I don’t think so, for all I know it’s a shit piece of work, but whatever it is, it’s totally my cup of tea.

That’s when I realized what my YA novel was missing. If you told me that I should love the story I’m writing, I’d tell you that of course I do, I love my characters, I’m even more in love with my setting, I love the voice and tone I’m going for. But see, that turns out to be not completely true, because I’d let thoughts of the nameless public, possible agents and what-have-you infiltrate and make me question and doubt my instincts. Example: I love writing party scenes. Dances, balls, raves, wakes, social gatherings, you name it, I enjoy writing it. However, I hesitated including many such scenes in this novel, because I feared that people don’t like reading things like that. Or that there were too many of them. Or that they’re not literary/ exciting/ adventurous/ whatever enough.

This is the final lesson then: I don’t feel nearly as much excitement about certain scenes in my original fiction, mainly because I haven’t allowed my writing to be completely me.

4. I’ve had some other minor me-as-a-writer insights, too. Like, if I can’t find my way around a scene and I’m struggling with what the characters are meant to be doing or saying, it helps me to describe the setting, to write some sentences about the surroundings even if I won’t include them in the final draft. By allowing me to focus on a different aspect of the story, this technique helps me visualize the scene while removing the stress, and then the writing flows. It’s like tricking my rational, anxious brain so I can get to the imaginative well where stories reside.

So what now? I’ve taken on an obligation for another fic, but it doesn’t have to be long and what I have in mind should need no more than 10k. After that, finally, I return to original writing, and hopefully things will move along more smoothly than before.

Tl;dr: Be self-indulgent in your writing as much as humanly possible. Write whatever the fuck you want. And whatever you do, make sure you Finish it.