#// I told myself to stay off the blog until the weekend but clearly I have no self-control

[head-shoulders-toeknee]

I forgot this is my personal blog as well and I can just vent So anyway,

TW//: under the cut are mentions of hospitals, ovaries, blood, surgery, vomit, suicide, whatever.

SO i tried going to bed at like 3 AM last friday. But my mission to eepytown was interrupted drastically by the worst stabbing pain in my lower abdomen that I'd Ever felt in my life. But I'm a stubborn son of a bitch, so I figured Ahhh It'll pass on it's own! Maybe it's just a fart!

it wasn't a fart.

After about two hours of squirming and groaning in pain, I took a buttload of painkillers and called my mom. She came running to my room immediately and called the emergency services. Meanwhile, I was busy spewing out the contents of my stomach. Including the painkillers. So I was back to square one.

Guess What The Emergency Fucking Services told us??

"Yeah nah just take some painkillers lol we can't do much for u now"

BITCH YOU COULD'VE PICKEd me UP. AND GAVE ME. SOMETHING STRONGER THAN FUCJING PARACETAMOL

We called back.

"Ah ye just try a suppository then!"

I was ready to kill them.

I didn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. My mom didn't sleep, she stayed with me the whole time, until the hospital opened and then she immediately drove me there.

The car ride was agonising. The waiting room was agonising. Hell, existence was agonising. I had two options in my head at that point. Either someone fucking helps me Right Now or I'll off myself somehow. I was in too much pain.

Finally, our doctor calls us and we go to their room so she can examine me.

SHE DOES AN INTERNAL EXAMINATION. HER FINGRS. GO INSIDE. MY [clown honk]. I SCREAMED IN PAIN. HOLY SHIt I HATED HER AT THAT MOMENT.

Anyway, she told us to rush to the emergency department. So we did. More questions, tests, etc. Sent off to gynaecology after receiving a very relieving injection of morphine (i'm gonna kiss the nurse who gave me that shit thank you so much)

ULTRASOUND :D WITH A ROD :D INSIDE MY [clown noise] more screaming.

They found a large cyst. I was admitted. I finally got a comfy bed and some IV fluids (i still couldn't hold down even one sip of water)

Hours pass. Have you ever been in excruciating pain while also being horribly exhausted? It's so fucking weird. You're writhing in pain yet simultaneously half-falling asleep.

OH and by the way, I hadn't eaten anything yet since dinner the night before. And now I wasn't allowed to, cuz I needed surgery.

I spent a total of 15 hours in agonising pain, some of which were soothed mildly by IV painkillers, until I finally got wheeled into the OR where they put me under for a laparoscopy. Pretty sure I told the surgeons to sleep tight when they put me under..

After only about an hour and a half, I woke up again as they were rolling me back to a room. I was immediately asking questions about the surgery, how it went, what they saw, what my insides look like, man I don't even know I was still out of it from the anaesthesia, but I was clearly Very Interested.

I was finally pain free. Apart from the surgical wounds, but that's a pain I could totally deal with compared to what I had.

Turns out, that large cyst they saw, (a very bloody one apparently) caused an ovarian torsion. My ovary had twisted. That's what hurt so much. What the hell, I didn't even know ovaries could do that. I'd heard about testicular torsion before but not ovarian.

Anyway, I could finally sleep and eat and I no longer had to puke. The next day, at around 2pm, I was discharged. I immediately rented a wheelchair so I could catch a glimpse of the pride parade that was going on in my town lol.

Jesus christ. What a weekend.

[vonvestra]

// I’ve been wanting to write about Hubert’s complicated relationship with his appearance for a while now, along with some general HCs I have. All below the cut. Consulted with Kisa beforehand about the parts involving Edelgard.

I mentioned in an earlier headcanon that Hubert looks mostly like his father, but inherited his eye color from his mother. However, his father never had quite the reputation his son did growing up. Marquis Vestra, while still tall, thin, and generally spooky, also had a brighter complexion (think: Lorenz and Linhardt), a carefully manicured beard, and striking, stern eyebrows, all of which gave him a more human appearance. On the other hand, Hubert wound up with an ashen pallor and a condition that caused his eyebrows and eyelashes to fall out at a young age (Fódlan’s fantasy version of alopecia). This actually concerned him a great deal, and while the servants and nurses that Hubert spent most of his childhood around (as both of his parents were busy and/or distant) rarely, if ever, made comments about it, he was sensitive to their startle responses. Of course, he was also a quiet child with staring eyes, who would stand silently in the hall to watch them carry out their tasks. He frightened them frequently, whether he meant to or not.

By the time he met Edelgard, he was already beginning to grow his hair out to hide his face. He was quiet and distant with her as well, but as he spent more time with her (partly for his father’s threats, partly because she fascinated him), he began to thaw a little. However, it was a comment she made to him once, about how she was glad to have him around because the people she didn’t like stayed away, that set in motion a change. He began to scare others on purpose, cultivating a certain persona that, in some ways, resembled his father and his shadows. He didn’t walk, but crept through the corridors. He practiced glaring at the other children in town. He didn’t often laugh, but when he did, it was to unsettle someone. He found a great deal of enjoyment in this, partly because it meant he had some control over the frightened looks, but mostly because it served Edelgard in some way. It was his own, unique talent.

Even so, he doesn’t like his reflection. He revels in scaring and intimidating others, but only when it’s intentional. Otherwise, close, intimate settings make him uncomfortable, as does being stared at up close. When his “talent” isn’t required, he would much rather fade into the background where no one will see him. No one, not even Edelgard, will hear him mention this particular insecurity except in passing though, as a wry joke. It isn’t important, and he’s ashamed that something so shallow even bothers him.

Some additional HCs:

Even though his in-game portrait, 3D model, 2D cutscenes, and concept art all look different, I prefer his in-game portraits for my HCs.

He does look older at a glance than he really is (30s to early 40s), and characters in TOA are welcome to notice and comment on this (guessing a character’s age is one of his Tea Time topics...).

During academy phase, his hair is the longest it’s ever been, but he cuts it after the timeskip to avoid looking like his father, whose hair was long. Low maintenance is his preferred style, and he does very little to care for it (it’s an achievement if he even runs a comb through it).

Developing stabler self-confidence through the connections he made at the academy (before which, only Edelgard had been his friend) also made him more comfortable with showing more of his face, but not comfortable enough to show his whole forehead, which is the part he hates the most.

His best features are probably his cheekbones.

He always shields his genuine smiles with his hand. Most people assume it’s because he’s hiding fangs.

He’s unbothered by and generally loves the rumors about him being a vampire or some other sinister creature, and does intentionally stir these rumors up.

While he can grow facial hair, it’s patchy and uneven (and even if it wasn’t he’ll do anything not to look like his father after the Insurrection). He shaves every morning, although it doesn’t grow fast enough to be that noticeable.

[queenshelby]

My Friend’s Father (Part Nine)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Age Gap, Smut, Domestic Violence, Angst

Words: 3,064

Please comment and interact...it's what keeps this blog going

***************************

Almost a week had passed since you stayed with Cillian at his unit in Galway and, despite the fact that he was away, things had further developed between you as emotions grew with every day.

He was different to any man you had ever been involved with and, whilst your involvement with each other stemmed from purely sexual lust and hunger, you had evolved from this to something different entirely within a matter of days.

Of course, you knew each other for years and, whilst you had a crush on Cillian for as long as you could remember, you never thought that it would be like this and, for Cillian, this feeling had never been mutual.

Whilst he always considered you to be attractive and very intelligent and kind, he never felt any emotional connection or sexual attraction towards you, at least not until that weekend when you visited Denise, which was also the first time he saw you again after six months had passed.

On that night during which you slept with each other, he let his sexual hunger take over his reasonable thinking mind after he saw you, in his kitchen, making pancakes and you had since, quite openly, talked about it. He saw sleeping with you as a mistake but, ever since that night, he couldn’t get you out of his head.

For you, things weren’t just sexual anymore and you began to feel strongly for Cillian which worried you especially since he was open about the fact that he didn’t know where things were heading with you. The fact that you are his daughter’s friend and much younger than him clearly bothered him and he sometimes admitted to you that he felt strange about building such a strong connection with you. A relationship was not what he wanted but he liked you, a lot.

As such, during the past week, Cillian called you every day after he finished filming and you were talking to him more frequently than you were talking to Denise.

During his breaks, he would also text you and check in on you as you were in the middle of exams. He always remembered when you had a test and asked you how it went and, when you told him that you didn’t feel confident with your results, he reassured you that you probably did well and, even if you didn’t, it wouldn’t matter. According to him, a pass is a pass and you needed to lower your expectations of yourself just a little.

To your surprise, he also remembered appointments you had scheduled and things that bothered you which meant that, unlike other men you had been with, he was actually listening and was interested in what you had to say.

Some nights, you had spent hours on the phone or Skype, joking about things you had encountered that day or talking about books, literature and music, which is something you both enjoyed.

Politics and social issues were other matters you could discuss endlessly and, even when you were of different opinions, you would be able to argue in the most satisfying way. Cillian always treated you as an equal and even opened up to you about his divorce from Denise’s mother recently.

Another thing you learned from Cillian was that Denise was brining along her friend Amalie to Manchester to stay at his apartment and, when you gave him a warning about her and her intentions, he reminded you that he only had eyes for you. In fact, he always showered you with compliments and all of his compliments were genuine and came natural to him, helping you immensely with your self-consciousness.

Unfortunately, whilst you enjoyed how engaging Cillian was with you every day, like a teenager in love, with the constant text messages and calls, your father soon got suspicious and confronted you about.

****

“Dad, I am almost 22, you don’t need to be spying on me” you said somewhat frustrated as he asked you who you were talking to every day.

“You live under my roof and you answer me young lady” he said harshly and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes just as your mother stepped in, trying to calm him down. Your father was much older, approaching sixty and fairly old school in the way he expected you and your sister to behave.

“A friend…I am talking to a friend” you explained and your father asked again, telling you not to lie to him because he would know.

“And this friend of yours, you can’t meet him…you just text and talk? You can’t bring him to our house and introduce him?” your father asked along with a million other questions.

“No, I can’t. he lives in Dublin and I, most certainly, wouldn’t bring him into this…” you said somewhat irritated by the interrogation.

“Dublin, huh? So, you met him when you visited Denise?” he asked and you nodded.

“It’s not her brother, is it? Because I really don’t want you to get involved with him. I don’t like this family and their views” your father said harshly, causing you to chuckle.

“Their views?” you asked somewhat surprised and your father nodded.

“Yes, their views on what’s right and wrong. If I recall correctly, this girl you call your friend was going out with someone of the same gender for a while. God didn’t tell us to do this but her parents obviously didn’t have an issue with it which, apparently is called new age parenting. Everything is pro choice and lets their children decide what is best for them even if they lack experience” your father went on to say and you couldn’t help but shake your head at his absurd commentary but, he continued and you soon learned what had happened between your parents and Denise’s parents many years ago, before which your mother had called Denise’s mother her friend as well.

According to your father, Cillian had voiced his opinion to your father when it was found out that your sister was pregnant following a short affair with a man she had met through university.

Cillian’s ex wife had told your sister that she had options, causing your father to get rather angry with her, which is when Cillian stepped in, supporting what Denise’s mother had said.

She had offered your sister help but your father considered this to be a betrayal and, whilst your mother maintained contact with Denise’s mother for a while, your father refused to get involved with Denise’s family thereafter.

Cillian’s often all so public views angered him and he made this very clear. He didn’t want you to be involved with his children and you couldn’t help but laugh about the irony of it all when you found out about this incident.

“Jesus Dad, that was years ago and not everyone has to have the same views as you” you said before confirming that you weren’t seeing Denise’s brother.

“No, they don’t, but I am just looking out for you and, instead of acting the way you do, throwing yourself at guys with new age ideas, I would much prefer if you met a nice young catholic man” your father explained, causing your mother to fume in anger with him.

“Throwing myself at guys? Listen, I am not sure what slut you think I am but it’s nice to know that you think so little of me” you said before storming upstairs and into your room.

Having to deal with this crap bothered you and you knew that, when this semester came to an end, you could be moving out now that you saved enough money for a bond and rent.

*****

As the evening went on, you spent all of your time in your room, reading a book until, finally, at around 9 o’clock you saw a notification on Skype.

‘Hey Beautiful’ Cillian said as you picked up and popped in your headphones.

Cillian apologised for calling through so late and informed you that he was finally able to speak to Laura, the woman he was seeing before you.

He knew that you wanted to know about it and he had no problem telling you what you needed to hear while telling you that you had absolutely nothing to worry about.

It was Laura’s first day back on set after a week-long break and Cillian told you that she wasn’t exactly impressed when he stood her down.

‘She probably likes you…I can understand that’ you said calmly but Cillian told you that he was pretty clear with her about what this was between them.

‘Well, in retrospect, I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her’ he went on and you were quite happy to change the topic by this point and told him that you were aching for him.

‘Well, I am not sure that I can help you with that’ Cillian chuckled.

‘We could have Skype sex I suppose’ you giggled.

‘Skype Sex?’ Cillian laughed before telling you that he didn’t think that this would be a good idea since you were at home with your parents and you had previously complained about the thin walls of the house.

‘Oh Jesus Cillian, my father already thinks I am a slut, so I personally don’t care if anyone hears me getting myself off. I’ve got my earphones in and am the only one who can hear you and my door is locked’ you chuckled.

‘Your father thinks that you are a slut? Do you want to talk about that?’ Cillian asked concerned but you shook your head.

‘I rather not. You met him and know what he is like’ you explained.

‘I do. He takes God very seriously’ Cillian said before continuing on. ‘But, if you have problems at home you need to tell me please. You can stay at my apartment. I can get my house keeper to meet you there with the key’ he offered.

‘You said you were going to stay out of stuff between me and my parents just as I would stay out of matters between you and Denise’ you then said, reminding him on the conversation about your respective roles which you had three days ago.

‘Yes I did, but I can’t if I have to worry about you’ Cillian said firmly.

‘There is no need to worry Cillian. I promise’ you reassured him. ‘Well, actually, I need you to worry about my sexual needs right now’ you then went on to say with sly grin.

‘Through Skype?’ Cillian asked again somewhat concerned.

‘Yes’ you said with a cheeky smile as you settled more into your bed with your laptop.

‘Alright then, show me what you are wearing” Cillian said as he cut straight to the point.

‘Can you see?’ you asked as you adjusted the cam and showed Cillian your dark blue lingerie.

‘Very nice…but…I think you would look even better if you were naked, don’t you think?’ Cillian said somewhat nervously and you nodded in agreement.

‘Well, I suppose I should strip for you and you should strip for me’ you giggled as you seductively took off your bra slowly, showing Cillian your perky breasts through the camera.

You heard him inhale sharply as he watched you and took his t-shirt off at the same time, leaving him in nothing but his CK briefs.

Without words you then scooted back on the bed and removed your undies, allowing him to watch before you sat down on the bed, spread eagle and naked, giving him a good view of your mound.

‘Jesus Y/N, you are so fucking beautiful and sexy…touch yourself for me, nice and slow’ Cillian breathed out and you let his soothing voice wash over you, knowing what he was trying to do and happily helping him succeed.

‘Like this?’ you moaned as you began to run circles over your clit with your fingers.

‘Yes, just like that babe’ Cillian groaned as he shuffled down his briefs and you were finally getting a good look of his hard cock.

‘Oh god, I want to stroke your cock so badly’ you moaned as you seductively opened your pussy lips with your fingers, opening yourself up before reaching for the black vibrator you kept in your bedside table.

‘Well, someone's particularly horny tonight’ Cillian chuckled as he watched you play with your pussy, and you could hear the smirk in his voice.

You mumbled a small "mhm," and he laughed.

‘Good, that's exactly how I like you, so naughty and needy’ Cillian said as he slowly began to stroke his hard member.

You barely registered his words enough to answer with another "mhm," but your subconscious managed it. Your weak answer elicited another delicious chuckle from the other end of the line.

"Why don't you show me how this little toy of yours works?” Cillian then asked as he watched you eagerly.

“I was just waiting for you to ask” you giggled as you began to run your fingers along your stomach and back up to your chest, leaving a trail of goosebumps their wake before reaching for the vibrator and turning it on.

“Put into your sweet pussy babe, let me see it” Cillian groaned and you moan in response, barely processing his words but still understanding enough to answer and do what he asked.

"I bet your pussy is already dripping” he said as you slid the vibrator into you slowly. He was right, you could feel your wetness pooling.

“I am so fucking wet and I wish it would be your cock inside me” you moaned as you began to stroke the toy in and out of you.

Cillian was groaning on the other side, his eyes full of lust and desire for you and you let out a quiet moan as you watched him with the same desire and hunger while you were pleasuring yourself.

“Good girl, keep going…” Cillian tells you and you moan again hearing it.

“Tell me how much you are aching for my cock” he then said you moaned again.

“I want your cock so badly, fuck…I want your cum inside me, dripping out of my wet little pussy” you moaned, eliciting a groan from Cillian as he began to stroke his cock harder and faster.

“Such a naughty needy girl, aren’t you? I can’t wait to be inside you again and make you cum over and over again” Cillian said with a laboured breath and you are barely listening at this point.

“I want you to cum for me and show me this dripping pussy when you do…I fucking love hearing your moans, so fucking sexy…common babe….let go” Cillian said, knowing that you were close and your orgasm rolled over you as soon as the word 'cum' left his lips, and although your sensitive clit was screaming at your hand to stop, you couldn't.

‘Oh god fuck, yes…’ you moaned as you came hard and fast.

“That’s it babe, don’t stop” he instructed as your moans continuously spilled from your mouth, and you were not even sure what you were saying or if you were forming words at all. The only thing in your head is a deliciously heavy fog and Cillian’s voice guiding you to do what he wanted.

“Don’t stop, keep fucking your sweet little pussy babe” Cillian ordered as he knew you weren’t done and, just as he did, you let out a high-pitched moan, bordering on a scream, as an even stronger orgasm washed over your body.

‘Cum for me babe…I want to see all this cum’ you moaned in return, focusing on the delicious image in front of you as Cillian was stroking his cock and, just when you finally come back down you heard Cillian groan loudly.

“Fuck” he groaned as he stroked his cock hard and fast you watched rope after rope of cum spurt onto his stomach.

‘Oh god, what a waste, I want to lick your cum off your skin so badly” you breathed out as Cillian came down from his high slowly and used a tissue to clean himself up.

‘Stop saying those things or you have to stay on the line for another twenty minutes at least’ Cillian chuckled as he could feel his manhood stir again.

‘Well, I think you shouldn’t cum again until you come to visit me in Galway the weekend after next…I want you to save it all for me’ you said, causing Cillian to cock an eyebrow as he pulled his briefs back up.

‘Fat chance babe’ he chuckled, knowing that going without an orgasm for nine days would be rather difficult for him.

Eventually, after a lot of begging, he agreed to try but he wouldn’t be able to make you any promises to this effect.

***

The following day, you went to work and then university thereafter but, when you eventually returned home, your father was in a worse mood than ever before.

‘Can you explain this to me?’ he asked angrily as soon as you walked through the door and you couldn’t help but gulp when he pointed to a white box which he had placed on the living room table.

‘You went through my personal belongings’ you huffed out as the box contained some lingerie and intimate items, including toys, that you were hiding in the bottom of your dresser.

‘Again Y/N, this is my house, my rules and I don’t want my daughter to own filth like this’ he said, after having heard small pieces of your conversation with Cillian on Skype the evening before.

It was obvious to you that your father was appalled and you were outraged that he had been snooping through your room and, as you would later learn, had even tried to access your computer.

‘I can’t fucking believe you dad. These are my personal belongings and you have no right to go through them’ you huffed out and, just as you did, you could feel a sharp strike across your face.

‘Get this shit out of my house and talk to me with some respect’ he said harshly, leaving you speechless and in tears as he walked away, leaving your cheek burning red.

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@peaky-cillian​

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[cocobwrites]

Once Upon A Time in Santa Ana

Summary:  Once Upon a Time, Angel Reyes knew you and you knew him. Once Upon a Time, Angel Reyes loved you and you loved him. In him, your teenage hopes and dreams found a home, a safe haven. Angel Reyes took your love and spat it back out at you with malice. Once Upon a Time Angel Reyes accepted a tender, fragile love and burned it down. This is the story of a man trying to rekindle his first love from the ashes.

A/N: Back with a new blog. Just trying to rekindle my love of writing fanfics.

Chapter 2

                                       Ghost One: EZ

EZ felt uncomfortable, uneasy and unsure. All in all, he was a bundle of nerves, and wasn’t sure why. There was something in the air here. It felt heavy. Heavy enough to push down on his shoulders and urge him to keep on his bike, and ride back home. The whole trip up to Santa Ana Angel had been quite. Angel quiet was already a bit worrisome. It wasn’t that Angel was a blabbermouth, but he at least was conversational. The lack of it just put EZ that much more on edge. 

The only thing Angel made clear during the trip was that he wanted to go to this particular mash-up of East Coast Bodega meets Southern sandwich shack, which somehow ended up in a city on the West Coast. The muscles beneath EZ’s skin itched, signaling that they were ready for a fight that EZ wasn’t sure was coming, or where it’d be coming from. He was too wound up and didn’t have clear reasoning as to why. So, he did the only thing that he could do to calm his nerves. He observed. 

EZ watched his older brother from no more than two steps behind him. The smells in the shop weren’t notes he was accustomed to picking up. Cayenne, paprika, garlic, onion and something herbed mixed with hot grease and possibly fresh bread. The store’s modest door matched its modest interior. Floors that were just this side of white, due to age, but still clean. Aisles of snack foods, a cooler housing water, pop, beer, and liquor on the back wall gave way to a counter clearly meant to take orders for the food that was cooked in the open kitchen behind it. After noting and marking his surroundings EZ’s gaze shifted back to Angel.

Angel looked to the figure familiar to him behind the counter. The man’s shoulders were still broad but what once was a slim waistline had widened a hare and the pitch-black hair was now salt and pepper. The voice that called “be with you in a moment!” Sounded gruffer. In short. Your father had aged. Well, those things had aged. He turned around with a smile gracing his face. The skin dark enough to match the ebony keys on a piano, remained unlined. 

When his eyes settled on Angel the smile dimmed and the corners of his mouth dropped into a straight line. His next words were measured. “Thought I made myself clear the last time I saw you, Angel Reyes.”

EZ stepped up beside his brother making it clear to the man that Angel was not alone. Angel simply answered: “You did”. The older man sighed. Leaving the shrimp he was breading resting on the counter with his hands on either side of it. “Listenin must not be your strong suit.”

“No, sir. It isn’t” Again his answer was simple but respectful. EZ looked between Angel and the man whose name he still didn’t know. He grabbed onto the sides of his kutte, and continued to watch in silence.

Confused but willing to wait until either was willing to explain. 

“What you want, son? You ain’t do enough damage the last time you was here?” The more the older man talked the more his accent bled through. Deep and southern, but unfamiliar enough to be somewhat hard for EZ to properly place. It was a blend of regions. Heavy on Texas but possibly Louisiana? What concerned EZ more was his line of questioning. Not so much that Angel did something, but something enough that had this man issuing a warning to him. Angel hadn’t been in Santa Ana for at least ten years, that EZ knew of. What had he done, that a decade later, had this man reminding him of a conversation just as old.

Angel remained silent for just a moment. He was contemplating his words, in the end he settled for “I just need to see her.” It was clearly the wrong answer.

“Hell no!” The man bellowed. “Heeeellll no” he drug the first word out. “You damn near ruined her, and me and her mama were left to pick up the pieces!” His nostrils flared, and his eyes squinted in a dangerous way EZ recognized. This man would if possible do serious harm to Angel if he could. “She ain’t here and even if she was”  He raised a flour-covered hand and pointed a finger at Angel. “you’d best keep away from her.” 

“With all due respect, sir. I’ve stayed away as long as I intend to.” Angel tapped EZ on the shoulder and motioned to the door without another word. 

“Angel Reyes, I meant what I said. I find out you been anywhere near her and I’ll whip yo ass like I should have ten years ago!” He hollered at their backs. “You keep from ‘round my baby!” He continued as the bell above the door jingled confirming that Angel and EZ had gone.

Once on his bike EZ looked back into the store and saw the man standing in the doorway, shirt and apron covered in flour, reminding him of Felipe. EZ looked to his older brother who held the man’s gaze and revved his bike. EZ followed suit and they pulled off.

Back at the clubhouse, before they walked inside EZ asked. “Care to tell me what the hell that was about?” 

Angel looked to his brother, and released a bone-weary sigh. “Not really, but I don’t have a choice.” Angel sat his helmet on his lap, his eyes glued to it. “You remember when pops sent me here to try and get me away from the MC?” 

EZ nodded the affirmative.

Angel sighed again. “Well, Pops didn’t know that there was a chapter here.” 

EZ nodded again. Obviously aware since that’s why they were in Santa Ana in the first place. 

Angle continued. “There was a girl. Her aunt was married to a dude in the MC, Shooter”

“Wait-” EZ tried to cut in but Angel raised his hand to hold EZ’s comments.

“Shooter’s daughter and the girl were close and she came around. Actin’ all shy and shit.” Angel laughed to himself clearly reflecting back on a long-ago occurrence.  “Anyway, I was feeling her and she was feeling me. Shooter and his old lady, Shauna were cool with it, but her father” He huffed. “Well, you saw that.”

“The crazy thing is. I can’t blame him. You knew how I was back then. Cocky as fuck and just as dumb.”

“So, Shooter and Shauna were cool, right?” He continued without giving EZ a chance to answer. “She barely got to come around. Her dad didn’t want her around us... See, the way he had it.” Angel raised his hand further explaining it. “Her pops knew how he wanted her life to play out. It didn’t include some ain’t shit biker. So she could end up like his sister.” He finished in air quotes and mock accent of your father’s. Angel went quiet after that.

EZ noticed the slight slump in his shoulders and decided to leave well enough alone for the time being. He remembered when Felipe shipped Angel off to stay with a friend in a last-ditch effort to reign in his wayward son. Felipe had only pushed Angel further to the MC. In Santa Ana, he’d met with another chapter and gotten to see another side of the brotherhood and comradery that came with being a Mayan.

 Angel recounted some of the antics he’d gotten up to in Santa Ana. The girls, the drinking, fights all of that he’d told EZ about. What Angel didn’t tell him about was this particular girl. A girl that was niece to the current Prez of the Santa Ana Chapter, and clearly off-limits according to some of her family. What Angel didn’t say, hadn’t said, but definitely showed was that he’d been, if he wasn’t now, in love with the girl. What Angel hadn’t told EZ was what happened with the mystery girl and why her father was threatening Angel, still pissed ten years later. 

It did help explain one thing. Shooter had been a little cool in his welcoming to Angel. He hadn’t flat out ignored the younger man. He had given the usual spiel when welcoming members of another chapter. They were having a party tonight welcoming them that was sure to include all the bells and whistles of one in Santo Padre. EZ just couldn’t help but notice the subtle tension between the two. The scrutinizing gaze that Shooter gave Angel when the man wasn’t looking, and the unsaid words between them of a wrong that EZ was starting to think Angel had committed. 

Bishop sent Angel and EZ to Santa Ana under the false-ish guise of going in his stead to help celebrate a new prospect being patched over. Things had been heating up in Santo Padre which Bishop was using as an excuse to get Angel out for awhile. In truth, Angel hadn’t quite been himself since Adelita pushed him away to save him. With that fresh on the man’s mind EZ wasn’t sure if sending him back to the place of another lost love was the right move. Although he was sure this was something Bishop didn’t know about.   

EZ drew in a deep breath and walked inside the clubhouse and immediately grabbed a drink. Without a doubt, he knew this was going to be a long weekend.

[random-mha-thoughts]

Murphy’s Law (Bakugou x Reader)

Pairing: Bakugou x Reader

Genre: Fluff, comedy/crack

Summary: Bakugou just wants a peaceful date with you and promises to tone down his aggression, but things don’t always go his way.

Word count: 2,206

Inspo: This tik tok

Tags:  @yuki-osaki​ @liviitehe​ @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog​ @bunnythepipsqueak​

a/n: I absolutely love writing these comedy/crack style plots, they’re so fun!  They just fit so well with Bakugou’s character, what can I say?

Starting next post, I’ll finally be posting some spicy content ;)  Not nsfw exactly, but I’d give it a PG-13 rating if I had to.

Anyway, its 3 am and I’m about to pass out.  Enjoy~!

"You smell like...cherries?"  Bakugou takes a deeper whiff of the crook of my neck.  "No, wait... Vanilla?"

I bite my lip, trying not to chuckle too hard and disturb his adorable sleuthing.

"I got it," he moves up to stare me right in the eyes for my answer.  "Coconut."  When I nod, he smirks victoriously.  "I knew it."  He peppers my face and neck in soft kisses, his grip on my waist tightening.  "Admit it, your boyfriend is amazing."

I tilt my head and scrunch my eyes.  "You're...okay."

His grip turns into erratic twitches as he tickles me.  "Just okay, huh?"

My breath is stolen by laughter.  "Okay!  You're amazing!"  I curse his knowledge of my ticklish spots.

Bakugou ceases his mischievous torture and returns to our original cuddling position: his one arm on top of my waist and the other enveloping my shoulders as I rest on his chest.  We bask in the silence of each other's warmth and breathing, the faint sound of his heartbeat thudding in my ear.

His warm fingers draw patterns against exposed skin near the hem of my shirt.  "We haven't been out on a proper date for a while, we should go this weekend," he proposes out of the blue.

I mull over the idea.  We've both been busy with training, and we both mutually agree that we prefer spending more intimate time with each other like this than being out on a formal date.  "What brought this up?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"It's just a random thing, no big deal," he snorts, trying to pass it off casually, but I know him well enough to know better.

"You saw Todoroki taking Midoriya out, didn't you?"

I hear the clinking of his teeth as he clenches his jaw, taking that as a positive response.

I sigh, loosing draping my arm onto his chest.  "Katsuki-"

"I just wanna make you feel special, okay?" he blurts out, terse but affectionate in his own way.  "I don't want you to think I don't care about you or that you're missing out on things other couples do.  I'm your man, you deserve more."

My fingers softly trail up his arm.  In other words, he feels like he's not doing enough in our relationship.  I peck his lips.  "Okay, let's do it.  But let's not go somewhere too fancy.  I don't feel like dressing up and all that.  Besides, you're too...excited for those quiet places."

His eyebrows furrow.  "Whaddaya mean by that?"

I want to chuckle at his defiance.  "You get very easily riled up.  Sometimes, you just need to tone it down a notch."

Though he pouts, he mutters, "I'll be on my best behavior, promise."

.

The weekend finally rolls around.  The Sun shines brightly, there isn't a cloud in the sky, the temperature is brisk, nothing could possibly go wrong.

Bakugou agreed to meet at noon so we could go out for lunch at this cute outdoor restaurant downtown.  I dress in a somewhat-fancy-somewhat-casual grey sweater, black leather pants, and Chelsea boots.  While I'm deciding on what accessories to style with my outfit, there's a  knock at my door.  I glance at the clock, only then realizing it's 12:30, and rush to the door.

Bakugou stands in the doorway, looking like an absolute snack.  For some reason, he's dressed in a crisp white button down, fitted black slacks down above his ankles held up by black suspenders, and brown dress shoes.  Slack jawed, I barely have a second to comment on how amazing he looks before he storms into my room and I catch a whiff of his cologne, wanting to shower him with compliments.

"Katsuki-"

"I woke up late, I'm sorry," he growls, throwing a black strip of fabric around his neck and making a beeline for my full length mirror.  He's trying to knot a tie around his neck, I realize.  "My alarm didn't go off for some stupid reason, and I wanted to wake up early to get you flowers before coming here.  This date's already ruined and I'm not even ready- AND THIS STUPID TIE JUST WON'T TIE PROPERLY!"  Clearly, he's already worked up and his tie won't cooperate with him.

At first, it's cute watching him struggle, but I realize he's genuinely bothered by this entire situation.  I wrap my arms around his torso from behind.  "Babe, it's fine.  We're not in a hurry, just take your time." I assure him softly.  "I was just finishing up myself."

At the sound of my voice, my boyfriend releases his tension in a sigh.  "You're right.  I promised I'll be calmer today."  He finally finishes tying his tie and smooths it over.

I smile and kiss his cheek to comfort him.  "You look so handsome."

A light blush colors Bakugou's cheeks as he runs his hands through his hair.  "I did it for you, dummy," he admits in the softest voice.

We stare at each other in the mirror fondly for a moment, and I ruffle his hair.  "Let's go, whenever you're ready."

As we're getting ready to leave the dorms, Kaminari and Mineta are playing some sort of weird game in the hallway with Mineta's purple spheres where Kaminari tries to hit them with his lightning.

One of them flies past Bakugou's head, just missing it, and he almost goes off.  "I swear if one of those things hits me in the face, you idiots are-!"  Cutting himself off at the end, he takes a deep breath.  "I'm calm, I'm calm.  Let's just get out of here."

It's cute watching him struggle to stay calm for my sake.

And it doesn't get any easier.  Somewhere during the walk over to the restaurant, the sprinkler system turns on in someone's lawn and managed to almost spritz Bakugou's crisp outfit.  He says nothing and holds in his complaints, like a true trooper.  The next thing to go wrong is the train getting delayed.  Such a small nuisance is too much for the boy, as evidenced by the wild tapping of his foot on the floor to the point where some of the other passengers stare at him.

"If I could use my quirk, I would've just blasted us out of here to the restaurant," he mutters in my ear.

I squeeze his hand in mine.  "You're doing a great job, babe."

The smile that appears on his face is absolute bliss.

After the train finally moves and we reach our stop, we make our way through the city hand in hand, talking only to each other.

"You've out-dressed me, Katsuki.  Where did these clothes even come from?"

"My mom always told me a formal outfit is a staple," the boy shrugs in response.  "I just didn't want to wear the jacket because it's still daytime."

In the back of my head, I realize that Bakugou seems to have an unconscious eye for dressing presentable, he just chooses to wear joggers and a T-shirt all the time.

"I just figured we were going to a nice place and I wanted to look good, you know?" he continues.  "Even though everything's kinda gone to hell so far today."

My heart melts for how hard he's trying, and I decide to hug his arm for comfort.  "You're doing amazing.  I'm having fun just being with you so far."

In return, he kisses my forehead.  "The date's not over yet, we still need to eat."  He takes out his phone.  "I just need to make sure we're going-"

We collide into someone who's not watching where they're going, and, unfortunately, Bakugou's phone gets knocked out of his hand.  Almost in slow motion, we watch as the poor device crashes against the concrete face down.  I can feel his grip on my hand tighten as he growls and picks up the phone, hoping for the best, only to realize there are now spidery cracks across the surface.

I hold my breath for the inevitable outburst, which doesn't come.  A vein pops in Bakugou's neck and a muscle jumps in his jaw, but no sound escapes his lips except an extended, harsh exhale.  "Can I check it on your phone, babe?" he asks through clenched teeth, and I offer to be navigator myself out of pity.

When we finally get to the restaurant, we sit down and have our meal in peace.  The blond seems to relax as food slowly fills his belly and we carry light conversation with each other.

"You finished all the rolls already?!" I guffaw, covering my face to keep myself from being too loud, "Were you that hungry?"

"I told you I got up late!" he growls, ripping off a piece from the last roll, "I haven't eaten yet all day."

I take his hand from across the table.  "And you deserve it, with the day you've had so far."

Smooth as a criminal, he kisses my fingers gently, "At least you're here.  But you shouldn't give me your hand so easily, I might bite you because of how hungry I am."  He jokingly starts play biting my hand, making me laugh again.  And just for a moment, our eyes catch each other's, sharing our affections wordlessly.

Until something - or someone - crashes into our table.

Both of us get to our feet instinctively and inspect the damage.  The person who had crashed our table is a male waiter we recognized moving around since we've been here.

"That man is a villain!  He's trying to rob the place!" one of the staff announces from across the room.

The man slowly tries standing on his feet, catching onto the closest thing to help himself.  Which happened to be Bakugou's pant leg.  Looking up, the sorry villain realizes he's just sealed his fate.

Bakugou's face is crimson with impatient rage, bottled up from the entire day and ready to explode onto the nearest victim.

"What. The actual. Fuck?" he murmurs from deep in his throat down at the villain, who's eyes are widening as he registers he might actually be facing a devil.  The boy's breathing gets ragged.  "You have exactly," he pulls and undoes the knot around his neck in one swift movement, not breaking his malicious glare on the villain, "Two seconds," he throws the tie aside and slides his suspenders off his shoulders, "Before I blast you into oblivion," the top buttons of his shirt are undone.

"I-I'm so sorry I interrupted your date," the villain's eyes widen as he slides backwards into the broken table.  "Y-You two must've been having a good time-"

"Damn RIGHT we were!" Bakugou bellows, sleeved already folded and he's pushing them up past his elbows away from his hands.  "Now you're gonna DIE!"

As hot as it was watching my angry boyfriend slightly undress, I don't want him getting in trouble doing something illegal.  I grasp his taut elbow, avoiding his forearm. "Katsuki, just leave this for the pros to deal with, don't get yourself in trouble."

He slowly calms his breathing, but still eyes the man with a murderous glint as we back away from the situation.

.

We silently eat our sandwiches on a park bench.  Bakugou's gnawing and mashing his food to get his anger out, his tie hanging out of his pocket since he couldn't be bothered to re-tie it around his neck, or readjust his outfit.

I quietly admire his rugged appearance and let out a small chuckle.

He shoots me a look.  "What're you laughing at?"

"I'm just thinking how much better you look when you're all undone like this," I remark, finishing the last of my own sandwich, "You looked too uptight before, this is way more casual."

My comment is met with a smirk and a huff as he uses one arm to pull me so close to him, I might as well be on his lap.  "Is that your way of saying I look hot all angry like this?"

"Maybe."  With that, I steal the last bite from his sandwich.

Bakugou sets the wrapper aside and hugs my waist with both hands, setting me properly in front of him so I can look him straight on.  "I'm sorry I lost my cool like that.  I promised I'd stay calm for you today, but nothing even went right all day and then that mess happened."

His ashamed expression makes me plant a quick kiss on his lips, allowing a light blush to appear in its place.  "You're amazing, Katsuki.  You've had such crappy luck all day and you managed to hold in your anger for most of it.  But, while I appreciate the effort, you really didn't have to."  I wrap my arms around his neck affectionately.  "I love you and all your hotheaded screaming, you dope, no fancy dates or rules needed.  Don't feel like you need to do more for me when I just need you."

A heart-melting smile spreads across Bakugou's face as he rests our foreheads together.  "I don't deserve you, babe, you're the best I could ever ask for."  Our lips join together in a sweet kiss for a moment.

I break it with a chuckle.  "Honestly though, I really would've liked to see you smash that guy's face in."

"Me too!"

[sucker-for-minyard]

When i say that "All For The Game" is important to me and helped me undestand my personal limits, i mean it.

[Tw: harassment]

When i was 10, i started to study in a school called "CEN". There, i made incredible friends, but also not so great ones.

From my first year there (10yo) to my last year there (13yo), i was basically in a school were the people, specially the older ones, had NO CONCEPT of CONSENT AND PERSONAL SPACE.

I lost the count of how many times teenagers would lift my skirt or my shirt, take off my bra, touch my breasts or kiss me without warning.

I was 10!!!! Starting to learn about my body, entering puberty, and i had the worst example possible.

Eventually, i just thought it was normal. It was ok for a friend, who was 16, to grope me, 11, when we passed through each other in the corridor.

It was ok for me to have these older guys hitting on me and talking openly about sexual stuff.

it was ok for people that i DIDN'T EVEN KNOW to touch my body. to kiss me.

it was ok for a friend to grope me and disrespect my body, because that's what people do when they like you. right? right?

i had no idea how much i was disrespecting myself, and how everything that happened would impact my relationship with others in the future.

Fast foward to when i was 14, and moved to another school for X reasons.

I legitimately thought that everyone hated me. I cried to my parents bc i thought that no one wanted to be friends with me.

Guess why.

Because in months there, no one touched me in a weird way. No one disrespected my body. No one forced themselves into my personal space.

I was devastated, and was always on edge, thinking that my friends would go away in any second.

At the same time, i met a guy that I'll call "Adam" bc i don't need his name here. He was the boyfriend of one of my friends from CEN. And we became friends really quickly.

We would call each other for HOURS. He was two years older.

And one day, he started to flirt with me.

I had NO EXPERIENCE dating. I never had someone that i was in love with, and the thought of someone older and pretty and interesting would like ME was just too much. I fell head over heels for him. Not in love. Just, emotionally attached.

He kept flirting, initially nothing much, but then he started to talk about sexual things. Things that he wanted me to do to him and with him. What he wanted to do with me.

And one day, he just called me while jerking off.

I was terrified. I didn't knew how to tell him to 'stop'. That i didn't liked that kind of friendship. Because i didn't want to lose him.

So i just kept letting it happen. Until he decided to grope me in front of his girlfriend and i just had too much.

I went home and cried for hours with my mom on the phone. You know what she said? That it was my fault, since i gave him so much liberty.

That sentence really stayed with me.

And then the year was ending, and i was waiting for my friends from school to finally walk away and stop talking to me.

But they didn't. I did.

And the next year, when i was 15, i was in a new school.

I spent one year there with no problems. Didn't really bond with anyone but was starting to make some friends. It was nice, even tho i was basically being bullied by my classmates. I could ignore it and so i did.

Fast foward to Last year, 2019. now i had 16. Most of my year passed normaly. I never liked studying but i did the minimum to not fail.

And then, in September, i met someone in a party. I'll call him "Dave" because i don't want to put his real name in my blog.

Dave was clearly a 'rebel without a cause'. He smoked and drank without caring about his health. He was cool and everyone wanted to hang out with him. He painted his nails and played the guitar.

And for some reason, he wanted to hook up with me. Not date.

And i fell for it. I kissed him once and was already in heaven. How the fuck someone so cool wanted ME? I had no idea but i was loving it.

Soon we became best friends, we hanged out literally everyday and shit.

And then we became "friends with benefits" lmao. I was in love with him, and he couldn't choose between me and another person (that i won't say the name. today he is one of my best friends).

All of my close friends at the time warned me about Dave. How he treated me badly, how rude he was with me, how he was using me. But i thought that i was in love and ignored everything.

And two months passed like that. I slept in his house 3 times a week. I spent all weekends with him, i drank too much and i started smoking like an idiot.

And one day, after a huge fight me and Dave had, my dad said that my family was going to move to another state.

I called Dave immediately, and went to his house.

Only then we started dating. Because i was going away in two months, suddenly he was ok with dating me.

Adam was terrible and i was so unhappy.

Before we started dating, and even after that, i never had the right to say "no".

It was never about me. What i wanted. What i could give. What i was able to give.

I would come to his house, drunk, and he would ignore that i could not truly give consent and make me do whatever he wanted me to do.

I never felt loved.

My body was not mine. I had no right to control my own body.

I was with someone that would not accept a "no". I was with someone that would threaten to kill himself if i hurted him. I was with someone that said that he would kil me, and beat me, if i didn't do as he told.

He hit me once. And even after that, i didn't break up with him. And as always, he never, NEVER, apologized.

I was, again, in a relationship that taught me nothing about consent, respect and limitations. And it was destroying me without me noticing it.

But two months later, the day came and o moved. Even so the abuse didn't stop there.

He kept emotionally manipulating me, making me feel guilty for not being there. He said that i wasnt the person that he thought that i would be. That i never helped him and never made him happy. He said that i didn't truly love him.

Eventually, we parted ways. He stoped sending me messages and i stopped trying to be there.

I felt empty, and loveless, and it was like i had failed. I felt like i wasn't enough. I failed because i wasn't able to give enough of myself to him.

And now, a couple of months ago.

Someone on twitter mentioned AFTG and i didn't have anything better to do.

I fell in love with the book. I did. But there were so many triggers and had to take it slow.

I KNOW it sounds like I'm reading too deep into it, but please understand.

When i saw the way that Andrew and Neil interacted, as two different individuals, with different needs and different limitations, i was devastated.

I could not handle seeing how respectful and caring they were about each others triggers and traumas.

How Neil respected every single "no".

And how Andrew was able to say "no" without caring about what Neil would feel.

Because, when you say "no", it's for you, you're respecting yourself. And if your special someone can't undestand and respect that, they're not worth it.

I didn't understand that. To be honest, I'm still having a hard time to think about everything that happened to me like it was "harassment" or "assault".

I didn't say yes, but i also didn't say no

And, again, I'm sorry if it seems like I'm reading too deep into it.

Andrew and Neil have this "yes or no" think that left me speechless.

How can someone just respect you so much that they won't touch you unless you give clear permission?

I cried too much, and had enough panic attacks while i was reading the books. There were too many triggers but i kept going because i felt like i needed to.

I never had thought that, when you're drunk, you can't give consent. I never worried about that because no one worried about me when i was drunk. No one asked me anything.

The idea of having someone that will understand if you don't want to be touched, somone that will stay there and wait inutil you're okay, someone that loves you enough to respect if you're not ok... it was too much. Really.

Suddenly all of my relationship with my ex was passing in front of my eyes and i finally saw how abusive it was. How much he didn't care. How i trusted someone that couldn't give a shit about what i was feeling.

It's not that i didn't knew it was abusive. But seeing a relationship so opposite, like Andreil, was a chock.

"All For The Game" brought up things that usually are ignored.

Even if the trilogy is not focused on Andreil, the amount of importance that it puts in "consenting", is amazing.

I started to think about me and my body and how i was treating myself.

And how much i wanted someone that will respect me and love me and take care of me.

It sound dumb but I'm truly grateful. All For The Game is just fiction. But it talks about serious matters with a respectful and realistic approach.

It's "just a book" but it showed me a kind of relationship that i never saw. It affected me.

This is a huge vent because i had a panick attack during my therapy session and i needed to write it.

[purplesurveys]

1194

survey by n0b0dysp3rf3ct

What’s your favourite song to sing to? These days it’s Sweet Night by V, but it always changes tbh. I don’t really have an all-time favorite song to sing along to.

What’s your relationship like with your exes? Nonexistent. I’m good at blocking off people and memories like that, no matter how special the relationship had been or how much time we spent together. I don’t feel guilty about it; I actually feel more at peace this way.

What mistake do you find yourself making over and over again? Procrastinating and putting off things I could literally finish in 10 minutes or less. I’ve been better about it, to be fair to myself; but the habit comes out every once in a while and I always end up kicking myself in the ass for not already knowing any better.

What are you afraid to lose? Hmm...probably people, especially my friends. I’ve been starting to think more about this these days. My two best friends are in very good, committed relationships, and I know that one day they’ll have lives and families of their own, maybe even move out of the country. I’m finally acknowledging the fact that maybe I am afraid of getting left behind and ending up alone. Those thoughts make me sad, though, and I hate being stuck in feeling sad, so I try to shake them off and focus on my happiness in the present.

What’s one of the hardest decisions you’ve had to make? Agreeing to break up with Gabie. I never liked admitting defeat, so that was a particularly brutal afternoon.

Have you ever gave up on a love interest as they acted differently around other people? I’ve never been in this situation.

Do you think you’re ready for love? What does love even mean to you? I’m taking a break from it, actually. I was in a relationship that I put a lot of effort in for a long time, and I don’t mind focusing on myself for now especially considering I put myself in the backseat for the entirety of said relationship. I feel no need to jump into another relationship any time soon.

What was the last thing you turned down doing? Angela was showing me some shops that were starting to put up offers for the new BTS Hybe Insight photocards. Those photocards are only being given away to visitors who go to the new Hybe museum, and we didn’t want to technically pirate them, so we both chose not to buy. We can wait till we can travel to South Korea together and get the photocards for ourselves :)

Have you ever fell for someone who was clearly bad for you? Technically...yeah? She eventually ended up being bad for me, but I didn’t know it at the time.

Are you a party animal? No. I like attending parties, but I never want to be the center of attention.

Who are you the biggest fan of? My best friends.

When was the last time someone really let you down? I haven’t felt that disappointed in anyone in a while. 

What song can you not help but dance to? Mic Drop.

You’re DJ for the night - first track to get everyone going? ...Now that I mentioned it, Mic Drop. The Steve Aoki remix in particular. Sorry folks, y’all are getting K-Pop tonight.

Have you ever been too scared to tell someone how you felt about them? Yes.

Where do you feel the most inspired and creative? Erm, never? I never feel creative. But when it comes to being inspired, I usually feel it when I have one-on-one talks with Bea. She schedules a brief talk with me once every few months just to catch up and ask me how I’m doing, work-wise and growth-wise. I find that it really helps and I always exit the call wanting to perform better at work.

Have you ever been hit on by a pushy person? No.

When’s the last time you met someone for a coffee? I’ve never done that.

Describe the ideal man or woman for you: Kim Taehyung. That man is doing a stupid great job ruining everyone else for me.

What place in nature would you love to visit one day? Somewhere with auroras.

What accent do you find attractive? Like I’ve said on previous answers, I like Florence Pugh’s accent, whatever it is. I could listen to it all day.

What do you think you’re really good at? I’ve always loved writing and I’m pretty confident in my skills.

Do you have something you’d like to tell someone right now? I know Jo is going through a breakup and I want to reach out and share a few reassuring words, but I’m not very good at that kind of stuff. And since she isn’t initiating, it might mean she wants her own space for now too.

Have you ever had feelings for a friends partner? Never.

What career would you love to pursue: I’m more than okay with my current field. But had things turned out differently, I’d most likely be taking up law.

What was the biggest lies you’ve told? I never like lying so I try to make the ones I make as trivial as possible.

How can you tell if someone loves you? Idk for the most part I believe people have different love languages, so expression is always different for everyone. I don’t wait for people to act a certain way for me to deduce that they love me.

What’s one of your fondest memories? Front row at a Paramore concert, 2017. I went alone and danced without a care in the world and sang along to every song, and it was one of the nicest couple hours of my life.

What’s your favourite thing to do that doesn’t cost much? Taking surveys is literally free.

What do you feel unnecessarily judged for? I feel like I would be judged for having an entire blog just for surveys, which is exactly why I don’t share about this hobby with anyone. Not even my ex knew about it until much later on in our relationship.

What are you proud of yourself for? Still being here is a big thing.

What relaxes you after a busy day? As is pretty obvious already at this point, BTS. I like looking for funny compilations or interviews of theirs to watch to de-stress.

Have you ever known someone who suffered from drug addiction? Nope. Not that I know of, at least.

Why did your last relationship end? She wasn’t in it anymore.

Who do you have a crush on? Taehyung :/

When was the last time you stayed up all night? I was up until 4 AM earlier, if that counts. I don’t really do entire all-nighters anymore; latest I can do is either 4 or 5 AM.

Have you ever been someone’s rebound? No.

What would you fight LTR for the right to do? I don’t know what that is or who they are.

When did you last apologise? What was it for and was it accepted? Some work stuff came up today and it was something I needed to ask my manager about, so I had to message her. I apologized profusely before and after my main message since it’s a weekend and I HATE making my co-workers think about work on weekends, but the matter was a little urgent and it couldn’t wait. But eventually the thing got sorted out, so I followed up with a message asking her to disregard my question, and I sent her a heart GIF as well.

Have you ever been to Cuba? I haven’t, but I’d like to visit.

What do you feel positive about? That I am most likely ordering Frankie’s tonight because I’m having a serious craving for spicy Korean wings that I can’t ignore anymore.

Do you know any Spanish? I’ve retained the words, sentences, and verb tenses I was able to learn when I was still training on Duolingo; and Filipino has a lot of Spanish influences, so I wouldn’t say I’m completely unfamiliar with Spanish. I wouldn’t be able to last a conversation, though.

If you could go on a road trip now, where’s you go? Continued from this morning. I’d probably just go back to Tagaytay. La Union could be a great road trip spot as well.

When in danger are you more fight or flight? Flight. What makes you irrationally angry? When people speak excessive Taglish, especially in a work setting. Most Filipinos are fluent in both, so I’d wish they’d pick one and stick to it. I find code-switching pretty unprofessional for the most part.

Do you feel self conscious about a certain body part? Sure.

Is there someone you’ll always be there for? If so, who? My best friends.

Have you been accused of being manipulative? Gab probably did a few times, but I barely remember those memories anymore.

What’s the most romantic thing someone has done for you? I literally can’t remember anymore.

What or who do you miss from your childhood? The ability to be carefree and the greater space to make mistakes.

Do you miss late night calls with a certain somrone? No, I hate calls.

What would you like to do again some time? Be able to go back to coffee shops.

What’s your least favourite season? Summer.

Do you know someone who’s ridiculously arrogant and entitled? A lot of boomers and older Gen X-ers.

Have you ever considered violence to solve your problem? No.

Who’s the best dancer you know? That I know in real life? Aubrey. Overall, Park Jimin.

What’s the best bit of advice you’ve received? I can’t seem to remember the exact same quote they gave me, but it was Andi telling me a few months ago not to rush my healing so I can avoid potentially harming myself in the process.

How good a swimmer are you? Not very good. I just like swimming leisurely.

What’s your favourite baby animal? Puppies and baby elephants.

What’s the best compliment you have received? It’s always nice to be told I’m strong.

What’s your favourite gemstone? Don’t have one.

Do you bounce back well when things go wrong or does it take a while? It takes a while, but I always get there eventually.

What’s an underrated colour/shade you really like? Not sure; the colors I tend to lean towards I think are pretty popular choices.

What insult or label would hurt you the most to recieve? Being told I’m useless or a burden.

How often do you notice the attractiveness of strangers? I rarely find strangers attractive.

Are you good at hiding your emotions? No, I practically wear them on my face.

Are you romantic? More than I’d like to admit.

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 42

Chapter Summary -  With Tom in Sudan and Danielle in Wales, they are tested for the first time on the ability to be apart from one another for a notable amount of time, can they hack it, and what are they planning for their little reunion?

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog  @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @lys-syl @youcantcatchafallingstar

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

“You got it!” Tom was forced to hold the phone away from his ear as Danielle shrieked excitedly down it at him.

“I have not gotten anything yet, technically speaking.” Tom pointed out.

“But you were brilliant, and half of the nominations, I haven’t heard of the shows, much less the actors.”

“Elle, that’s mean.” Tom scolded.

“But I haven’t.”

“Well, you’re not renowned for your love of watching telly.” He pointed out.

“Guilty,” she admitted nonchalantly, causing Tom to chuckle. “Who else has congratulated you?”

“So far, I have had texts from Luke, Ben, the cast, obviously, Kenneth Brannagh, a few of my previous work colleagues, couple of the guys from school and college, cousins, my aunt, Sarah, and of course, mum called, but I only got a message because I was charging my phone, I will ring her back in a while.”

“And Emma?” Danielle asked, noting that he had not mentioned the youngest of the Hiddleston siblings.

“She hasn’t sent anything yet, but mum said that her schedule is hectic at the moment and that Jack was saying she does not get home from the show until three or four most mornings, so I think she is still asleep now, it’s lunch time here, but I think you are still midmorning.”

“Yeah, it is. That’s fair enough.”

Tom had been about to ask Elle something when he noticed the disheartened tone to her voice. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“She’s not talking to me.” Danielle almost sounded like a child, her voice was so small.

“Emma?”

“She’s barely responding to anything I text her, she only responds with one-word answers.”

“She will get over it with time, as you said already; it’s just a little weird for her. Though it’s not fair for her to guilt you like this.”

“It’s also not fair to go after a friend’s brother.” Danielle countered.

“What, are you saying you broke some ‘girl code’?”

“I don’t think there is something officially written out, but yes, I have done something worthy of being told to go fuck myself in many people’s books.”

Tom felt crestfallen. “Do you regret us?”

“I know it sounds bad, but no, I don’t. Emma is one of my closest friends, I have never really been as close with anyone like I have her, I love her, I would do anything, legal or otherwise for her, but I love you, and I like being with you.”

“These are different sorts of love you have for us both, I assume?”

Danielle laughed, “Obviously.”

“It will be resolved soon enough, darling. She cannot stay too mad at people for too long, it is not her way. Do you want me to say something?”

“No, if she needs to be mad for a bit, then let her be, I rather not talk to her until she is ready to. She could say something in anger that could make a big difference to everything and I don’t want to do that.”

“I don’t think I have ever heard of you not confronting something head on before,” Tom noted.

“Because normally, I don’t feel like I could lose my best friend from it.”

“You won’t lose her.” Tom felt hurt on Danielle’s behalf. “She’ll realise soon enough that she’s not actually mad at us and that this isn’t some sort of trashy little fling and that we are happy together, then she will realise you are all the more special.” His smile was blatant through the phone.

“Especially when we decide to…Shit, I am being called back onto set here. Tom, I will talk to you later and I am so happy for you, bye.”

Tom did not even get to say goodbye before Danielle hung up the phone, not that he would have been able to utter the word anyway. He stood, phone still to his ear as he processed what Danielle had been saying before she was called off. She was clearly about to mention something that indicated that she was thinking of something regarding the long-term future for them. His curiosity was piqued at what she could have been about to say. Looking at the screen, he realised he had received several more texts of congratulations, one of which was from Emma.

Emma – Just heard, well done. X

Tom stared at the message before deciding what to text back.

Tom – thanks, sis, sort of shocked, obviously, in an honoured sort of way. By the way, is everything okay? Elle thinks you are angry at her.

Tom looked at the phone for a moment wondering should he have mentioned Elle, before pressing send and turning it off, heading through the departures lounge to start the journey back to London. His trip back to Sudan was over, and in truth, felt worn from it, but, armed with new experiences of the situation there due to his revisiting, he would be able to speak more of it and the terrible situation there, so hr knew it was worth it.

*

“Hey Irish,” Danielle looked at the sound guy who was standing nearby with a few other behind the scenes set staff. “We’re stuck working this weekend, but off earlyish Saturday and late on Sunday, so we are having an unofficial Christmas Party, you in?”

Danielle had taken out her phone as soon as he had informed her that they were working to tell Tom. “I’m probably not going to be able to.”

“Cancelling plans?” he asked, referring to her phone.

“Himself and I were supposed to be going to friends, so yeah.”

One of the make-up artists looked at her curiously. “You never mentioned a boyfriend.”

Danielle froze for a moment, thinking as fast as she could. “Does anyone around here, if you don’t have a wedding band or a diamond ring, I don’t know anyone’s relationship status.”

“True actually. So what will be your plans now?” The artist conceded.

“I will have to tell him the situation and see what he does about it, he may come here instead now.”

“Surely he can join us all then.”

She looked at the other woman apologetically. “He’ll be just back from a tedious flight, so I will mention it, but I can’t give a definite answer yet.”

“Ooh, he sounds fancy, what does he do?”

“Promotion,” Danielle thought quickly, technically, it was not a lie.

“Meh, scratch that,” The other woman dismissed, “at least in makeup, I get to work up close with celebrities. So Danny has an introvert boyfriend, let me guess, you two sit in, watch Game of Thrones and read most days off.” She smiled playfully.

“Not really a big fan of the show, but yeah, read, relax, walk the dog and going for a run usually.”

“Ooh, a dog and everything, very cosy. I hope we get to meet him.”

Danielle smiled politely, but in her mind, she feared such a thing, not yet mentally ready to declare to the wider world about her celebrity boyfriend. “Maybe if he is feeling up to it, we can join you all.” She commented as she thought of what to say to Tom of what was now her weekend, knowing full well he would plead for her to allow him to join her for it.

“Cool, so Danny is a ‘maybe’, what about you Jack?” the makeup artist decided to focus on who else could be roped into a drinking session.

Danielle just smiled, part of her relieved that she already had set up the excuse for her not being there at the weekend. A piss-up, in the guise of a Christmas party, was the last thing she wanted, especially that she knew Tom would be back. Unlocking her phone, she decided to finish and send the text to Tom.

Danielle – Your coming home has saved me from a weekend of hangovers and regrets. Are you coming Friday or Saturday?

*

“It hilarious,” Danielle erupted in fresh giggles.

“I respectfully disagree,” Tom grumbled, though he was somewhat surprised by her reaction, relieved that she had not been upset.

“It’s hilarious, trust me.” Danielle reaffirmed, looking at her laptop. “Though what has me concerned is; the artist putting it there because they knew you lived nearby, which is somewhat odd and unsettling, and how did the paparazzi know you would be passing there. Was it all done as a stunt?”

“You think I set this up?” there was both hurt and anger in his voice.

Danielle sighed, she knew he was jetlagged and that he was always somewhat sensitive when people suggested that he was media hungry. “No, I am saying that they would, of course, know you are home, since you were on the TV this morning, talking about your trip, which, by the way, was a very well done piece, but let’s face it, I knew it would be, I think they did the stunt to keep making money off you and her, even if all you were doing was going to Sainsbury’s for some milk.”

“Sorry,” Tom groaned, his tiredness blatant in his voice, “I shouldn’t…”

“Love, you’re exhausted, please, go get some rest.” Danielle encouraged.

“I’m not…”

“Tom, you seem to forget you were on telly this morning, I saw you with my own two eyes, you’re bollixed tired, don’t deny it. Get some rest, after all, you promised to come see me this weekend.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go out with the others, I can entertain myself for a couple hours?” Tom asked, turning on the kettle to make a cup of tea while he read over a few things that had accumulated while he was away.

“Well, let us look at everything for a moment, I could go drinking, something you and I both know of my lack of interest in, with a bunch of people I only know three weeks and will only be working with for another two, or I could hide away in a hotel room with my incredibly sexy boyfriend and show him how much I have missed him over the past few weeks, especially when I may have bought something just for the occasion. Such a difficult decision to make.” She feigned a tone of deep thought for a moment before giggling. “I ought to spank that delectable derrière of yours for even suggesting such a thing.”

“I am not going to lie, I am looking forward to seeing…wait, you want to spank me and you bought something, please tell me it’s something I can ogle you in?”

“You’ll have to wait and see.” She could not hide the grin on her face or the excitement in her tone.

“Darling, you have no idea how much I want to get in my car and drive there to you, right this instant.” He groaned in frustration.

“Aw, is my poor man frustrated?” she half-joked.

“Well, thanks to your imagery, I am now sporting something that could…”

“Herd cattle?” Danielle laughed, loving how he was getting more and more wound up.

“Country mouse.” Tom grinned, using Danielle’s own analogy of herself.

“City mouse,” she retorted jestfully.

“Darling, I cannot wait to be around you.”

“Are you heading to your mum’s between now and then?”

Tom’s brow furrowed slightly, unsure as to why she was asking about his mother. “I don’t plan to, why?”

“I was just going to ask you to send me a picture of Mac, I miss him.” she stated sadly.

“If I do, I will.” He promised.

“They have a collie dog staying here at the moment that reminds me of him, I think one of his parents was a collie and the other a German Sheppard, it is so like him.”

“They let dogs stay there?”

“Yeah, not everyone wants to put their dogs in kennels when they go away, so they allow them here for another ten pound a night.”

“That’s a great idea.”

“I know, right? So if you see him, tell him I miss him and I will see him soon, and get me a photo.”

“I promise if I see him, I will.” He smiled, loving how much Danielle cared for the scraggy pup he had rang her about one cold morning while he was on set. “I will talk to you soon, and trust me when I say, I cannot wait to join you.”

“Goodbye Tom, I…I love you.” She admitted in a meek voice.

Tom’s eyes widened at her words, she had said them once or twice before, but never over the phone like that. “I love you too, Elle.” He smiled, “Goodbye, darling.” As soon as Danielle hung up, Tom thought to himself for a moment and then grinned slyly, so with a quick Google, he retrieved the number he required and pressed the call button. When a woman answered the phone, he put his most charming voice on. “Hello, I know this is an odd request, but I need to ask a favour and keep something secret for me.”

[redefiningthirtysomething]

I’m going going, back back to AZ AZ

2 years ago we were living in Phoenix, Arizona. It was the best decision we made for our family and we thought things would be amazing. I am born and raised in Los Angeles, CA but life in LA was too busy, always working, Bella was growing up and life was just to expensive. I was looking for something else, something slower. I was tired of trying to keep up with work, my friends, family,... it all was very overwhelming.

We packed up our SUV and put our LA life away and drove 8 hours with our baby girl (she was 7).

We arrived so excited, ready for our new life, full of expectations. We planned this months in advance, we saved money, we prepared our friends and jobs. We had going away parties and tears. We arrived to our home, a 3 bedroom, hard wood floor, made for us house. We celebrated over drinks on our first night and experienced our first monsoon in our first week, It was spectacular. I had never seen anything like it. After settling in and introducing ourselves to the neighborhood I landed a job at a local hospice and Eli resumed his stay-at-home-dad job during the day and a night job he got at a local facility. I worked 3 days on, 4 days off 12 hour shifts. Bella was going to a great school right across the park, we would literally walk her over, drop her off and have a morning workout, followed by our breakfast, some morning sex and Eli then was off to sleep to be ready for his night job. We were living in a beautiful big home in a quiet neighborhood with a nice yard for Bella, fireplace, we had a cat and a Kitchen island I absolutely loved. My Master bedroom was bigger than the size of our entire LA apartment and my closet space, sigh... why did we ever leave? ... well, here's what happened.

We made plans to live there for life, but we only lasted six months. I got a job a few weeks after we moved in, we were living off of our savings and we were  planning our next career moves. The Job I got was good, but it paid very low and yes, I know that is expected in AZ the wages are less than in CA, what I made in CA was an unreasonable wage in AZ and they clearly told me this during my interview. But I thought, well ok I can figure this out as we go. The bills or the first month were a little outrageous. We moved to AZ in August ... need I say more? It was HOT AF so we had the AC unit on all day and all night long at a cool 71. Although some locals told us how to maintain a low electricity bill during the summer, we had NO IDEA how serious they were and didn't quite listen to their advice! It cant be that bad right ? wow, $600 for a month? A MONTH? That's not even including any of the other bills. that was the electricity ALONE! It knocked me out of my shoes. Ok, so the bills became an issue but we got a handle on it the best we could, but we were definitely in a strict budget.

A few months after we moved in my sister and her GF were having a hard time in LA and we agreed to help them out and let them live with us in AZ, we had an extra room and it would help us with the bills, plus it would be nice to have family around since we still hadn't made any new friends. It was good for a while but turned ugly really quick. I don't like to talk shit about people, but the GF has a nasty attitude and she's just an overall toxic person, I kind of see her as a bully who cried wolf. Awful, awful. Unfortunately my sister doesn't see it and they always think it's everyone else. I mean if she's happy with that, it's on her but like I've said before, leave us out of your negativity. Anyway, things got heated one night, she yelled at my daughter and insulted Eli, and I had to defend my family. After a screaming match, and an almost full on throw down in my kitchen I kicked them out. They moved to Tempe and my sister and I stopped talking. Cause of course, we attacked her, so they say. I have never in my life been in a fight and i'm so non confrontational... but apparently that night big bad me was in attack mode. Such silliness.

At this point, we're broke AF, we have no friends and my sister lives 20 miles away and doesn't talk to us. Ugh, Great start. Seriously the only good part for us about AZ was the happiness Bella had. She made so many friends on our street, she ruled that street basically. This girl was never home, she was always outside riding her bike or her scooter, or playing in someones yard, at the park ... she loved it. Sleep overs at out house, she had her room which we decorated to her style, her own bathroom...she loved it. I cant even begin to explain how good we had it. Bella was in her happy place.  Isn't this what we moved for? We completely lost sight of it. Eli and I were arguing a little bit, we were kind of just annoyed at life and we took it out on each other. Bella was getting stressed out because she hates to see us bicker, she tried to help us make up a few times. We don't like to put that on her, so we would make up, but a week later we were both back to not giving AF. We made things work, but there was a tension.

A little after Christmas we found out I was pregnant, 2 weeks pregnant to be exact and that very same day I found out I was pregnant I received a call from my boss at my old job in LA that they needed me to come back and that they would give me a raise. We looked at each other and it was like a weight lifted off our shoulders, we didn't even think about it before saying yes. We packed our shit and were gone by the weekend. We dipped out SO fast, we like ran back to LA ... what we thought was the best decision. Boy... were we wrong.

We moved in with Eli's parents, we were broke and didn't have money or time to find a new place. I started back at work that upcoming Monday and we had to get situated ASAP. work, yes, work was great. I went back and they started me at a great rate and It was like I never left. I still had my status of 10 years and accumulated my PTO, benefits as if I never left. So grateful that they thought well enough of me to ask me back. Bella went back to her old elementary school and things went back to Normal. Months went by and I'm super pregnant. We decided to stay at his parents house during the pregnancy because I didn't want to add anymore stress.  I have come to realize that I don't like living with other people other than Eli and my girls. People have something to say about something and always give opinions. whatever, I stay at work or in my room most of the time anyway. But, that's not how I wanted to live. Soon after I had Olivia, Elijah went to work so that I can spend time with the baby and bond. 4 weeks in a was stir crazy and made him quit his job and I went back to work. That's his family we live with and I am not comfortable, I don't feel like I can just go make breakfast and lounge around, not that I cant but it's a me thing. I don't like having to tell people where I am going if I'm leaving the house. I have always been very independent and I am easily annoyed when I don't have my freedom. plus, hey we pay rent ... I don't really have to explain my life ... but I cant be rude you know, so I bite my tongue.

We live in a trendy area of LA filled with hipsters, bars and restaurants .... and also very high rent. A 1 bedroom small apartment on the low end will cost you somewhere along 1900 month. jeez. We haven't been able to move out or find a decent price. We almost decided to buy a home but they're at 1 million for a little house. Bella has her room, a small room ... literally half the size of her AZ bedroom and she cant play outside , we live on a busy street and with the mentally ill/homeless that hang around the area doesn't make it safe. So she spends most of here time inside unless we go somewhere. Olive sleeps with us, we co-sleep, we did with Bella too, but soon I am going to have to transition her to her own room, plus she's about ready to crawl but we don't have space! Another thing is things have changed here. I don't see any of my friends, they don't have kids so they're out traveling and brunching. Things that I can't do right now. I haven't seen them at all to be honest, maybe once since I've been back from AZ. Olivia is 8 months now. Management at work changed, we have a new director and things are so different from the company I once knew. My sister eventually moved back to LA and I made peace with them, I wanted to have my sister in my life and things were good until recently. The GF strikes again, but with my mom! that's another story for another day. so, yet again my sister thinks its everyone else, except her GF. Also, I don't have a relationship with my little sister, but we will get into her in another blog.

I am a total mom and my focus is 100% on my kids and my family. I didn't know this until I had them.. obviously. I used to be all about me, going out, working and living my life. everything changed. everything. I live for my kids, I love them so much and my ultimate goal in my life is to make sure they are taken care of. why the fuck did we leave Arizona? Because we had no friends? I want to slap myself sometimes. were we bored? who fucking cares? Bella was happy! We could have made it work. We could have but we ran and took the easy way out. Eli and I sat down one day and we were trying to figure out our next move. we need to grow and make changes to better us as a family. We asked ourselves where is our happy place? where are our kids going to be happy?

The move back to AZ is in July. YES! we are so excited and thrilled. This time we see things differently. this time we know what to expect , we know the summers are harsh and we know the job market, we know that we only have each other out there... and that's OK! I am going to start an online business which I am currently working on. Eli will be the one working and I will stay home with bebe. It's NOT about us anymore. The house is set and ready for us we just gotta pack and go. By the way, we have a family house in AZ. It's my moms and she rents it out, but she lets us (her daughters, family) stay there and it's currently without renters. She knew I would go back. She knows that we have to make sacrifices for our kids sometimes. I don't feel that I am sacrificing this time.

I have faith and we love adventure.

[saijspellhart]

ML Fluff Month 19: Weekend Together

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Read it on AO3

This is part of a collaboration between: @saoirse7ilysi, @yamina20-blog, @ao3bronte, @aknazer and myself in celebration of @miraculousfluffmonth!

19: Weekend Together (Adrien/Marinette)

Takes place after the events of Once a Thief. Things you need to know about this AU: -This is a no powers/no Miraculous AU. -All characters are human. -Adrien is a cat burglar whose alias is Chat Noir. -Marinette is a museum curator. -Plagg is Adrien's former partner, and his normal person name is Felix. -Nino is an agent for Interpol.

000

*Crunch*

Something hard gave way under Adrien's foot.

It was enough to startle him, stumbling back like a newborn deer. Hoping to god he didn't step on anything that belonged to Marinette, only to crush something cold and wet underneath his heel.

He slapped the wall several times, fumbling to locate the light switch and fearing the worst.

Cheerios. His eyes tracked the crumbs farther back. And that's a grape.

The sigh of relief he released could be felt all the way to his toes—which were now covered in Cheerio crumbs.

Adrien called down the hall, his voice carrying through the rest of the apartment. "You'd better be hiding good, cause I'm gonna find you, Little Bell." Then he bent down, and began plucking pieces of Cheerio out of the carpet, scooping the pulpy remains of the grape into his palm.

A little girl's giggle was his only answer.

He had just dumped the handful of food remains into the trash when a text alert caused his cell phone to vibrate.

'Hey, kid. You sure you got this?" It was from Plagg, it was actually his second text asking if Adrien needed help.

The response Adrien typed up was more than a little acerbic, it was borderline asinine. Plagg didn't even deserve his scathing text response, especially after everything his partner did for Marinette and Isabelle while he was gone.

And it was fortunate that Adrien's new mentor at Interpol, Quinn, had chosen that exact moment to shoot him a new text message. Thus interrupting Adrien from sending his, and quite possibly making a huge emotionally driven mistake.

'Agent Lahiffe says you took the weekend off to babysit your little girl. Good luck. You got this.'

Adrien closed that text, and rather than replying to either, he deleted the bitter draft from before.

When Marinette told him that she would have to work a Saturday, Adrien pulled all the strings in his arsenal, and made all the biggest kitten eyes at Nino, until his handler caved and gave him the weekend off. Then it was only a matter of convincing Marinette to let him babysit for the day, without Félix. Successful.

He cast a look at the living room coffee table where an empty plate sat, kept company by a ladybug-themed sippy-cup, and his lukewarm unfinished coffee.

It was a reminder of snack-time, one that had him smiling despite himself.

Isabelle insisted that he needed to have a plate of grapes. Even when he told her he was fine, she was adamant that he had to eat grapes too. All the while she only took two out of the bag, one for each hand, and popped them all in her mouth at the same time.

Adrien complied, assembling a plateful of green grapes, before following his daughter out to the living room. They took a seat on the floor in front of the coffee table, a cartoon playing on the television, and Isabelle's face stuck to her sippy-cup much like a suckermouth fish on the side of a fish tank. He watched her for a minute, endeared by the way she held the cup and the funny noises she made.

He reached out to grab some of the fruit-

Isabelle slammed down the cup, mimicking the way he set down his coffee mug, only harder. Then grabbed the plate of grapes and hauled it away, corralling them between her arms.

"Aren't you going to share with me?"

She looked at the plate, then up at him, then back down at the plate. Without looking up again she picked a single grape off the plate and placed it in front of him next to the coffee mug.

"Just one?"

Isabelle tilted her head back, meeting his wheatgrass eyes with her own, and he was reminded again that she was the spitting image of him. She nodded diplomatically, as if she'd already been more than generous. Then shoved a handful of the grapes in her own mouth.

Adrien pulled himself back in the moment, he was going to have some cute stories to tell Marinette when she got home.

"Alright, Isabelle. Time's up, and I'm gonna find you." This time his declaration into the apartment was met with silence. Adrien pocketed the cell phone and started the search for his daughter.

The first few places he checked were the most obvious: under the bed, behind the shower curtain, in the bedroom closet. She was no where to be found.

Clever little girl.

Next he checked behind Marinette's work station, under the sink, in the laundry bins. No Isabelle.

He was sure she hadn't slipped passed him and into the living room or kitchen. But he checked those all the same. All hiding places clearly absent of little two year olds. It wasn't even as if Marinette's apartment was very big, just a two bedroom, slightly larger than the place she'd been living when they first met.

She couldn't have gone outside...

Adrien checked the front door, relieved to find the deadbolt still intact. If the little girl had unlocked the door and escaped, the locks wouldn't still be locked.

She's still in the apartment, Adrien. She's fine. You're Chat Noir for fuck's sake, you can find a little girl in a two bedroom apartment.

The next ten minutes were spent practically overturning the apartment. Anywhere he could think he checked, his anxiety made worse by the panic settling over him.

"Mon Dieu, Marinette is going to kill me."

How could a little girl go missing that quickly.

"Isabelle!" He began calling for her in earnest. "Isabelle, where are you?"

Deciding that finding his daughter was more important than staying in Marinette's good graces, he began dismantling her furniture. Cupboard innards extracted, drawers popped out of place, all the shoes in her closet were now strewn over the floor. Her yarn bin overturned. Even the laundry hamper was disemboweled.

Eventually Adrien worked his way to the linens closet. Starting at the bottom and working his way to the top, he pulled all the sheets, blankets, and towels out. Placing them in haphazard stacks on the floor.

It wasn't until he reached the very top that his hands brushed against something big and warm... and kinda wet, but sticky, definitely sticky. Something that had little to no business being at the top of a linens closet behind a stack of fluffy winter blankets.

A normal human might have rushed to grab a chair, or a stool, or even a small step ladder.

Adrien was not a normal human, not really. Years of practice getting into places he didn't belong, and breaking into secured locations meant that scaling the doorframe of a closet was second nature to him.

Feet braced against the sill, Adrien boosted himself till his head was level with the top shelf and peered into the back.

"How in God's name did you get all the way up here?" His sigh of relief was so loud, it was a miracle he didn't wake the child.

Isabelle was non-responsive, curled on her side, thumb hanging out of an open mouth, and face smooshed against the shelf in a puddle of drool.

And that would explain why she felt all wet. The stickiness he surmised was probably from the grapes she'd been playing with earlier. She was out harder than a black-out, and considering she'd been hiding in a closet behind stacks of blankets, Adrien really couldn't fault her for not hearing his calls.

He was so very careful, reaching in with hands practiced in the art of moving things without disturbing them. She barely made a murmur when he cradled her against his chest.

Careful not to jostle her, he adjusted his grip on the doorframe, feet sliding down the sill to land gracefully against the floor.

Adrien ignored the mess of blankets, only bothering to shut off the closet light. Rather than carry her through the house, he settled in the bottom of the linen closet, where there was enough space for a seated adult.

There, in the safety and tranquility of the enclosed space, he held Isabelle. The anxiety and stress from before melting away at the sight of the passed out toddler in his arms. He felt drained. With the panic wearing off, all he wanted to do was hold his child.

His daughter.

Because he had been foolish enough to pursue Marinette, despite his status as a wanted criminal and her's as a museum curator. Because he'd fallen so hard for her he could no longer see straight, even when he couldn't admit it to himself. And because she let him into her heart (and bed) despite every reason not to.

He brushed his fingers through Isabelle's unruly blonde bangs.

"I don't regret it for the world," he whispered, paused, thought better. "Well... sans a couple of events. I would've been happier had your mother never gotten stabbed," he amended.

Adrien let his head rest against the back wall, fondly recalling bits of the past and how it led to his life now.

It wasn't a fairy tale. He wasn't free to settle down, and although still madly in love with each other, trust was still an issue between him and Marinette. They'd both done a number on the other's trust. Plagg continued to be Isabelle's favorite person, second only to Marinette; which made it a chore for Adrien, as he tried to find his place in his daughter's heart.

Work kept him away, busy with Interpol. Marinette's job made finding time together even more difficult. He wasn't even sure what their relationship was at this point. She'd never called him her boyfriend, and he hadn't dared ask. Savoring only what he was given. It was enough, he thought, just to have this. This opportunity to have a family, albeit a bit broken.

Moments like this, with his daughter—his daughter—cradled peacefully on his lap.

"Maybe one day... I'll ask her to marry me, and she'll say yes."

...

Marinette came home that evening, and nearly had a heart attack.

Her apartment looked as if marauders had ransacked the place, from the overturned furniture to cupboard supplies strewn all over the floor. She tracked the mayhem, with stiletto heel in hand and ready, down the hall towards the bedrooms. Where she very nearly tripped over a pair of legs sticking out of the base of her linens closet.

It was everything she had to clap a hand over her mouth, and keep from crying in surprise. Affection bubbling up, and choking in the back of her throat.

There, sitting in the base of the closet, was Chat—Adrien, with Isabelle curled up on his lap, asleep, her head pillowed against his arm.

She cast another look around her destroyed apartment, and bit her tongue. Tossing the stiletto aside, she crawled into the space next to them; not the least bit surprised when Adrien threw his free arm around her, and held her close.

He'd probably been awake the moment she entered the front door.

"Welcome home, Chérie."

"Hmmm," she hummed against his shoulder, relaxing into the embrace after the long day she'd had. "We are going to have a talk about what you did to my home while I was gone. But that can wait for now."

-Tomorrow, Yamina20 will be treating you all to the prompt: Wish. 

[apapachoazul]

I need to calm down

11/03/2021

Saturday night, after the floor was finally done, I made another list of all the things that still needed to get done before I could move in. Most items were for Eric but a few were for me such as: putting the filler in the shower pebble floor and go to Home Depot to buy some important things. 

Sunday morning I still felt exhausted and wondered what I should do that day. For a while I considered going to Home Depot but I’m too tired to drive and decided I’m “only” gonna do the shower floor and then take the afternoon off. 

I had never poured a filler (concrete mixture) on a pebble floor and wasn’t quite sure how to do it but I thought I’d figure it out. I went to house and started making the mix. I knew it had to be somewhat liquid so it would flow into the cracks between the pebbles. I was mixing for a while and kept thinking that it’s too liquid and poured more of the dusty stuff in there to make the mix less runny. After some time I thought I had a good mix. 

I went to the bathroom and started pouring the mix between the pebbles. It wasn’t very runny and pretty soon I felt like I probably made it too thick and it also seemed like it wouldn’t be enough for the whole floor. All of the pebbles started disappearing under the mix and I started wondering if I had made a big mistake and it would all be ruined. But I had no real options, I started so I had to keep going so I kept going. 

Surely enough at some point I ran out of the mix. I quickly went to mix some more but this time I accidentally made it way to liquid and since I had no powder left I couldn’t fix it. Fuck. It’s Sunday… the Ferreteria isn’t open so I couldn’t go and buy some more. I panicked and thought I’ll just mix some of the other concrete powder in with it (which is generally used for something else). I kept mixing and was wondering if mixing two different concrete powders is a good idea. What if the chemicals react weirdly... thanks heavens at some point I realised that even if the mix would work aka do its job, surely the color wouldn’t be exactly the same and so I decided to ditch it. I would just have to buy some new mix on Monday and hope that the fact that 1/4 of the floor is poured a day later wouldn’t make such a big difference. 

I walked back into the shower and looked at the floor. It was all covered in a thick concrete mix and I couldn’t imagine how I could possibly get the pebbles to re-appear. I started scraping on the stones with a sponge, like Eric told me to do and it was obvious that there was way too much of the mix on there. So I started taking off all the excess material. The sponge wasn’t very helpful though as it just moved it all around a bit and so I started scraping off the excess material in between the stones with my fingers...until my fingers literally started bleeding. This wasn’t gonna work. I went outside to look for something else I could scrape around with and found a little wooden stick. I felt so nervous and panicky that it would all be ruined. I scraped some more of the material off with the stick but since I had made the mix too thick the surface started getting quite uneven again. Fuck. How could I save this. Finally I had the idea to bring in the Mexican super weapon… the broom. I went to get the broom and scraped over the whole area with the broom. It worked. Quite a bit of the excess material started coming off and the surface evened out a bit. 

I waited a bit more for it to dry so I could clean the pebbles a bit more and luckily enough they started to re-surface.  

It was 2pm by now and I hadn’t eaten nor drunk anything. I felt shaky and clearly needed to take a break. So I decided to leave, make some food and come back later. Hoping that the material would be still somewhat workable.

I felt it was really important for me to write this entry today because I have a lot to learn from today. It is obvious that I can’t keep going like this... I’ve done it before and I know the result.  Once again I am putting unnecessary pressure on myself. Why the rush… yes, why? Obviously moving into my own house will save me rent but is that really so important? I guess it’s also because I initially thought I could move end of March and quit my rental agreement. Luckily though I have incredible landlords - shout out to Guillaume and Marie-France - who let me stay longer than planned. But they do have guests coming to the house next weekend. So there is indeed a real deadline now. 

Back to today… why did I have to put the filler in today? Why couldn’t I just take the whole day off and do it some other day. Did it have to be today? No. It didn’t. I rushed it thinking that it’s oh so important. And by rushing it I made mistakes. This time it was only the floor of my shower and something that could be fixed but next time it could be something worse. Being so exhausted all the time could even put me in danger of having an accident of sorts. 

I need to stop putting so much pressure on myself. Yes of course I love working on my house. I didn’t dread going there today and do the work but I should know better by now that taking a break is equally important to working hard.  Why do I feel like I need to prove something. Prove what and to whom? 

Anyhow, I am glad I made this realisation and now I can work on myself again and keep myself in check. I finished at the house, went to Tomatina to get some nice food and write this blog entry and ran into some lovely peers which made me feel better. Later on I even went stand-up paddling for an hour and I am so glad I did.  

Peace. 

[samayacoorg-blog]

A Diet of Love

I was fifteen when I euphemistically became “a woman,” complete with breasts and menstrual cycle, and coincidentally, got my first official job at a bakery where the owner let us eat broken cookies, smooshed cakes, and unclaimed special food orders that never got picked up. Perhaps the exponential increase of high fat, sugar and flour brought on my womanhood, who knows, but the two got jumbled in my head at the time. What I do know is that the bakery job, feminine curves, and water retention added 20 pounds almost overnight to my skinny, tomboy figure, and so began my obsession with weight, food, and diet.

[Birthday cupcakes and not even smooshed!]

By age sixteen, a scant one year later, I was enrolled at a gym and eating a high protein, low-carb diet, “ground-breaking” at the time, that promised me a figure similar to the models in Seventeen magazine. While I managed to keep my body within a certain weight range, I did it with anxiety, punishment, lapses into binge eating one-pound bags of M&Ms™ that whiplashed me into starvation modes and depression. I never slipped into anorexia or other debilitating eating disorders and yet, I can clearly remember climbing on the scale every morning, with one eye shut, as if that would keep the weight down, and being devastated if it were one pound more than I wanted. And if it were one pound less? Well, then the world glowed and I was good and right and M&Ms™ lurked just around the corner.

College brought an acquired taste for beer and another 20 pounds. I stayed active in sports and jogged like everyone else in the 80s, and looked for inspiration which came from a dorm-neighbor who was a size 2 and my height (5’8”). I became fascinated with her, wanting to be just like her, my stomach flat and hips narrow (in hindsight, I actually had a similar shape, just more weight). Even after once, in girlish camaraderie, I had thrown my arm around her shoulders and instantly recoiled feeling like I had just hugged a sharp, plastic hanger, I still wanted to look like her even though it was clear it might not be desirable to anyone actually touching me.

The battle continued into graduate school and my first job in the “real” world. Blessed as I was with a body that gained weight uniformly (the shape stayed the same whether it plump or slender) which left most people to consider me average, inside my head I heard voices calling me obese, fat, chunky, gross, a slob. Most nights, I ate several cookies before going to bed, and at a restaurant dessert was not an option. On weekends, sticky buns were my crack, and for happy hour, a sweet cocktail accompanied by several bowls of nuts. At movies, bring on the popcorn with “butter.” I was obsessed with what I ate, and could not stop eating it.

[Really fancy restaurant dessert]

Yoga boomed in the 90s and I came to it as I lost interest in my financial career. What hooked me was walking out of class feeling calmer, taller, less obsessed and downright happy. So much so, that I took Yoga teacher training. Not only did we learn poses and how to teach them, we learned scripture. I clearly remember the swami asking us teacher-wanna-bes, “so, if the mind convinces you to have ice cream, then tells you it was bad that you had it, can you trust the mind?” It was a first Oprah ah-ha moment. I realized that perhaps the mind had been sabotaging my diet all these years. It was several months, possibly a year or so later, when I realized I kept “forgetting” to have my requisite cookies before bed. In small and subtle ways my diet changed, not so much because I forced myself to do it, rather because I just quit eating everything my mind told me to eat. And yet, I still didn’t drop weight and keep it off. I see-sawed, going up 5, down 3, up 10, down 11 pounds over the next several years. And those increasingly rare times when I did think about my diet, it was still from a punitive, finger-pointing, shaming perspective. I was good when I lost weight, I was bad when I gained.

Several years (okay, a decade or so) and one incredible Buddhist teacher later, I found myself at the silent Monastery where I study feeling overweight by several pounds. In this atmosphere, there was plenty of time to look at this thorny issue with a primary part of practice called Recording and Listening (an entire blog of itself — briefly, imagine having a conversation with the most kind-hearted, wise, loving person you can imagine, who only wants the best for you and gives that to you without reservation). There I was, recording about these extra pounds when I heard the following words, “Do it with love.”

[Maya loving Sam]

My entire body suddenly relaxed. I positively glowed with the concept as I grasped that the “it” was losing weight, the “with love” the how (a second Oprah ah-ha moment). In that quick shift of perspective from revilement to love, the action of dropping pounds no longer was something I had to do, was being forced to do, really, beaten to do. No, now, I wanted to do it, just like I wanted to go skiing, or dancing, or to the movies, or open Christmas presents. It moved from being a punishment to a favored activity. After all, the binge-eating, starvation, deprivation, shaming, withholding, comparison-to-others method hadn’t work as a stable way to lose weight since I was sixteen. It was time to try something new.

Still, how would Love lose weight, I wondered. (Yes, it seemed capitalizing Love made sense at this point — “Love” being unconditional, rather than “love” as in, “I love chocolate cake, and must eat 3 pieces to be happy” — very conditional.) As I continued my out-loud recording, bits and pieces of uncomfortable, muttered wedding readings of the First Corinthians Bible verse began to float back to me. “Love is patient … love is kind. … It does not…” Well, that’s as far as I got. I couldn’t remember the rest so I started there.

How would Love as patience help me lose weight? It’s never been a strong suit of mine, patience, nor is it mirrored much in society, so prevalent is instant gratification. Yet, looking through the eyes of Love, it occurred to me that patience and instant gratification may not be at odds. What if I chose to eat in a way that supported losing weight each time I sat down to a meal (instant gratification in eating responsibly at that moment to lose weight), and then waited to see what happened over time — i.e. be patient — as I made that choice at each meal? There was no contest, no competition, no have tos, no “gotta eat this way forever”, there was just eating as responsibly and healthy as I could at each meal (this meant, maybe no sugar, or a lesser amount, or lots of veggies and less protein — it could and did look different at each meal).

More relief spread over me as I relaxed into patience, until a nasty voice in my head said, “And just how are you gonna do that?” Ha, ha, ha, I grinned, remembering the next phase from First Corinthians — by being kind. Once again, I picked up the recorder and heard Love say to me, “Okay, so, you’d like to lose weight — how would you like to do that? By reducing the amount that you eat at the next meal? Okay, we can do that.” We … I noticed right away that Love was on my side. It stood with me, and rather than telling me what I had to do, it asked me what I wanted to do, what was I willing to do. It was so different than the nasty voices that kept telling me what I had to do, what I shouldn’t do, basically isolating me and leaving me out in the cold, alone. No wonder I wanted hot chocolate every chance I could get it! Instead, Love wrapped me in a warm blanket with it and was going to approach every meal with me and ask me how I wanted to eat and how I wanted to be supported. I was not alone in this choice to lose weight.

[Hot chocolate, or really, molten chocolate in a cup]

Shortly thereafter I left the Monastery and returned to the land of electronics and searched for the remainder of the First Corinthians passage. While doing so, I came across an Uma Thurman quote where she states so honestly and simply, “Personally, it has taken me 47 years to stop calling people who are mean to you ‘in love’ with you. It took a long time because I think that as little girls we are conditioned to believe that cruelty and love somehow have a connection and that is like the sort of era that we need to evolve out of.”  Amen sister, I shouted to Uma, as I too, have always believed that love looked like shaming, criticism, judgement, self-denial, abandonment, and punishment. It does not. And while I was raised Catholic and am now a self-proclaimed Buddhist, I have found wise words come from any scripture that has lasted more than a thousand years. Once more, in the words of St. Paul speaking to the Corinthians;

“ Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Love never fails, not even if we as humans do. Even if we don’t eat how we’d like to for one meal, one day, one year, Love does not abandon us, rather, it waits patiently, with kindness to pick up again when we choose to. And that will start the next blog…

[bannedtogether]

Ok, I just found your blog from another one I follow, so I’m not sure if I’m coming in late in the game here or not to tell my story. My close friends are the only ones who know about this, and it has been a few years at this point (my last text to SN being in 2015) but I still feel like I need to actually put this public finally because I didn’t realize this behavior was as prevalent as it is (or was, I’ve honestly stopped following the band just because I stopped keeping up, I’ve done that with a lot of artists lately). So I pretty much have a 2 year long SN story. Going back through your SN tag, someone mentioned that in 2014 at SPWF he kissed a fan in a hallway in front of a bunch of people right before they left? Yeah I’m pretty positive that was me. I want to put out there that through the entirety of this I was above the legal age of consent, there was a definite age gap, as seems to be a pattern.

Just a warning this is going to be long. I can also send screen shots and pictures he sent me as proof of all of this. From the time I started texting with him to when I stopped, there where 200 pictures exchanged that are still on my phone. I made sure to never delete anything.

He actually started talking to my sister and I (we are twins as well) in 2013, the first year we were at SPWF. We had met the band in either 2011 or 2012 (whenever they were still at the zoo) during a trip to San Diego, but hadn’t met him, and then went and saw them when they were actually on our coast for SPWF. Sam had broken the pipe on the side of his hat and needed tools to fix it, so my sister messaged them once they put a call for help and told them we had parts that could fix it. So when we went to the signing they had before the meet and greet, the band already knew who we were and I guess that made SN interested, especially when he found out we are twins. He made sure to tell us we needed to come to the photo op they had later, where he made the band scoot to the side so he could get a picture with us, each one of us kissing his cheek on either side, and had us redo the picture like 3 times. We really didn’t think too much of it, thought it was fun and moved on.

Next year (2014) they came back, and SN had messaged me several times through tumblr, talked on his video game streams, even made sure to message me as soon as they knew they were coming back to SPWF to tell me to buy tickets before they released that knowledge to the public. I thought it was cool, seeing as I am looking to go into the audio field, I was hoping for the chance to get to see the set up he runs, ask some questions, learn a little bit, while hanging out with this seemingly pretty cool guy. I went with my friends as planned, re-enacted the cheek kiss picture as he requested, hung out for a few minutes, and then we went on with our day. Saw him in passing throughout the weekend, never really spent and extended amount of time together, but again, he tried to make sure we were coming to the meet in greet. This year, it was a private one you needed a higher level ticket for, one I didn’t buy. He swore it would be fine, just tell the people at the door and they would let us in without a ticket. I’m not that brave, and I wasn’t trying to create an issue, so we just waited outside the door until it let out and trying to grab him as he left. We caught him as he came out, talked for a quick minute, then the whole “well I gotta leave, so let me give you a kiss bye” thing happened. I thought he meant on the cheek like before, as did my friends who were frankly shocked as hell as I was. But he did ask if it was ok, and I thought he meant on the cheek, so I agreed. He kissed me on the lips, then kissed my sister, and gave both of us his phone number on a slip of paper (he had already prepared with a freaking little red heart next to it) and ran off. So like I said, we were all in a little bit of shock.

From there, we started texting pretty regularly, as did my sister. It was pretty innocent at first, and then started to get more mature in nature. I don’t know if it was the same for my sister but I can make an educated guess that it did. He would say stuff to me that if we lived closer he would be really interested in dating, or dates he would like to take me on if I was in San Diego. He didn’t go straight into the inappropriate stuff, he kind of eased into it, and really made me think he was actually interested in me as a person, would do stuff like text me good morning and good night almost every day for a long while. Clearly that wasn’t the case though.

He continued to talk to both of us, add us both on steam, co-op games with us, send us selfies, everything like that. There was pretty much always enough communication to feel like I could call him a friend, even when disregarding the texts that where more sexual in nature.

We saw him at several more events across the country. I’m smart enough to say that I never traveled to a convention or show just to see him, they were parts of trips I planned with friends or trips that had other reasons for us to be in that area, so I don’t regret any trips where I ended up seeing him. Everything sort of came to a head when we where out in California so my sister could look at a school out there and we saw one of their shows that was at the same time we were out there. Of course I had told him we were gonna be there, and he knew what hotel we where staying at and asked to come hang out with us for a while after they had their sound check the night before. He ended up coming over later than planned because they went to dinner with the people from the venue, and then he didn’t end up staying long, because long story short, we told him he didn’t get to sleep with both of us, that that is not how this works.

Things went downhill from there, but that is not to say he didn’t try that again. He still was asking for pictures, and was starting to put in less effort, texting less, responding less than he had been before. The next SPWF he tried a different tactic, figuring he would get what he wanted if he got us to come to his hotel room we might actually agree, and we still both said no. This time he didn’t take it nearly as well, we actually were staying at the con hotel this time, and didn’t see him any time other than shows or soundchecks. He literally told us he wasn’t leaving his room unless he had to, he started acting like a pouting child. After the convention, he really stopped texting as much, and then started removing both of us from friends lists on any thing he had any of us on. It became extremely apparent that he was only interested in having sex with twins and when he didn’t get what he wanted he didn’t care at all about either of us, even as friends. The last time I texted him was May 20, 2015, only 4 days after SPWF.

Looking back I realize now how manipulative he is. This story doesn’t paint myself or my sister in the best light but I prefer to put my stupidity out there for people to see if it means warning someone else off to make sure that they don’t make mistakes like I did. Everything since has worked out for the best since, my sister is now engaged and I’ve been in a relationship for almost 2 years now, neither of us have any animosity for each other, only for him because we realize what he was trying to do. 

If you are interacting with this man please realize what he says to you may not be true and don’t let him talk you into anything you are uncomfortable with. I fully believe that he has pulled off the internet because he knows hes been doing this enough its going to catch up with him. Don’t let this man sweet talk you and make you think you mean something to him, please realize there is a pattern.

Thank you, Anon, for sending this to us. We are extremely appreciative that you are willing to be so open and honest about what happened to you and your sister. I personally would also like to say that if consent is acquired by means of deception, as in this case, it does not count as consent - you and your sister both were under the impression that he was asking to kiss you on the cheek, and he likely knew that. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard of this sort of bait-and-switch behavior coming from him.

I would also like to thank Anon Z who sent us this video of the incident being referred to in this submission. Just to clarify, we have received permission to post this video from Anon Z and the Anon who sent us this submission.

- Mod X

[winchesterprincessbride]

Poor Little Rich Girl-Part 10

This is an A/B/O AU

Square Filled: Sam and Reader for Spn A/B/O Bingo

Your father Lucifer is the Alpha of your pack and he rules your town with an iron fist.  He is forcing you to marry the son and heir of a rival pack.  It is 3 weeks before your wedding when you find out Sam Winchester is back.   Sam was your first love at 17, and when your father found out, he forced his family to leave town.  You haven’t spoken to him since.  What will happen when you see him again?

Characters: Alpha! Sam Winchester, Beta! Dean Winchester, Omega!Castiel Novak, Omega! Mary Winchester, Reader, Alpha! (Nick) Lucifer, Beta! Michael, Beta! Gabriel, Beta! Stephanie (OC), Alpha Eric (OC) Chuck (mentioned)

Master List

Introduction (all parts are linked)

Text messages are listed in Bold

Sam’s POV

The chapel was filled with the sound of many voices talking at once, each struggling to be heard over the other. Lucifer. Dean. Michael. Stephanie. Their voices were getting louder and louder as they talked over each other until I couldn’t hear myself think, but still, I said nothing.

Eric had taken my Omega. He had taken Y/N, and his sister had helped. My beautiful, headstrong Omega had beaten the crap out of Eric and rejected him and made him look weak.  This is not something an Alpha would take lightly. He was going to make her pay, so I had to find her before….  I shook my head to clear it, and I tried not to think the worst.

"Everyone shut up!“ I finally said. They all ignored me.

“EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!” I roared, unable to hold in my rage for a second longer. The entire group stopped arguing and turned collectively to look at me. 

I stared pointedly at Lucifer.    “What’s the plan? How do we get her back?”

Y/N’s father sneered at me.  “What “we”? There is no “we”.  I will go talk to his father, Alpha to Alpha.  She is MY daughter.  You’re not coming, Winchester.”

My vision was clouding over with a red haze of anger, and before I could stop myself, I grabbed Lucifer by the neck and jacked him up against the wall. “She is MY Omega, and I AM coming because I am going to rip Eric’s throat out, and you’re not going to stop me.”

Reader’s POV

This time when I woke up, I wasn’t disoriented, but I was in terrible pain. I spit out a mouthful of blood onto the floor as I gingerly moved my jaw.  Provoking Eric by telling him Sam had already claimed me had been a stupid move on my part.

Tears welled up in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks. I didn’t want to die here.  By this point, Sam and probably my father knew I was missing.  But they had no idea who had taken me or where I was.

I winced as I sat up and felt pain in my ribs. So now that claiming me was off the table, I wished Eric would just kill me and get it over with.  That would be preferable to fighting off his advances.  I’d sooner die than submit to him.  The pain was so strong it took my breath away.  “Find me, Sam.  Please find me.”  I whimpered before my eyes fluttered shut.

Sam’s POV

Lucifer reluctantly agreed that Dean and I could go. Steph begged Dean to stay back and let me handle it, but he refused.  He pulled her into his arms and kissed her before promising he would be careful. “Besides someone has to make sure this idiot doesn’t kill Y/N’s father, right?”

Steph walked up to me and scrutinized my face for a second.  “Y/N is my best friend.  I know how much you love her. l love her too. Please bring her home.”  She turned to leave, then stopped and leaned up and whispered in my ear.  “You make that bastard Eric PAY, Sam.”

“You’re a good friend, Steph. I’ll make sure Dean comes back in one piece.” I said solemnly as she hugged me.

“You’d better, or you’ll have me to answer to!” With one last look at Dean, she walked out of the chapel.

Dean turned to Michael. “Is there any chance that Eric’s father was in on this?”

Michael sighed, glancing warily at me and Lucifer, watching us pace like caged tigers.  “For his sake, I hope the hell not.”

Once Lucifer’s men had confirmed that Eric’s father was at his home in Whitehall, we piled into three large black SUV’s to make the trip to talk to him.

“We’re gonna get her back, Man,” Dean told me confidently as I fidgeted nervously in the car, tapping my fingers on my knee.

Reader’s POV

When I woke up I wasn’t alone, and with a little shriek I scrambled off of the floor and backed away, my hands out in front of me protectively.  “Leave me alone!” I shouted.

But the red-haired woman standing in front of me looking at me with sad eyes wasn’t Kerry.  She was holding a tray of food and there was a basket of bandages and medical supplies sitting at her feet. She held a hand out to me beseechingly.  “I’m not going to hurt you, Y/N.”  It was Eric’s mother, Tess.

“Tess!” I implored. “You have to call my father and tell him that I’m here! Please! Eric kidnapped me! He’s going to kill me!” 

She bustled up to me with the tray.  “Sit down and eat.  Let me clean you up.”  

I sat against the wall and she handed me the tray.  My hand shook as I lifted the sandwich to my mouth. “Please, Tess,” I begged.

She sighed deeply before speaking.  “Just do what Eric says, please.  If you behave he won’t hurt you.”  She wet a towel and wiped the blood from my face as I ate.  

“No. Eric will never be my Alpha.  And I will never be a subservient Omega.  It’s not who I am.”  I finished the food and sat back as Tess washed and cleaned my cuts.  She handed me a bottle of water and I drank some down, relishing the coolness on my parched throat.

“Eric is a proud man, Y/N.  You made him look like a fool.  Things are different in Whitehall.  It was hard for me in the beginning, too.  But you’ll adjust in time.  I was a stubborn Omega like you, but I learned.”  She gathered up the bloody bandages and smiled sadly at me again.  “If you learn fast the beatings will stop.”

I realized at that moment no one was going to help me. I was on my own.

Sam’s POV

When our convoy reached the Alpha’s compound, we were stopped at a gate where we were forced to wait while the guard called up to the main house.  Finally, they let us through and our cars pulled up to a stately white colonial with a wide circular driveway.

It felt good to get out of the SUV and stretch my legs.  Dean nudged me with his arm and pointed up.  There were cameras everywhere.  Clearly, this guy had something to hide.

We were ushered into a spacious living room to wait by a butler.  A freaking butler!  Dean rolled his eyes at me.  I was rapidly losing my patience with all this bullshit. 

 Finally, after an eternity of waiting, Malcolm Reynolds, the Alpha of the Whitehall pack came through the door, a carefully crafted smile on his face.  “Lucifer! To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?”

Lucifer got up off the couch and walked over to Malcolm, not smiling at all, the rage bubbling so close to the surface I could almost smell it. “My daughter is missing.  She was abducted from the church where my brother Gabriel’s funeral was being held.  Your daughter Kerry had something to do with it.  I suspect Eric put her up to it.”

Malcolm didn’t even blink, he was that good at hiding his emotions. “I’m sure you are mistaken.  Kerry would never do such a thing.”  He said nothing about Eric, I noticed. “I don’t even think they are in town this weekend.”

 “Marie!” he bellowed.  A maid entered the room. 

“Yes, Mr. Malcolm?” She asked demurely, eyes down.

“Where is Miss Kerry?” He demanded.

“She is at the mountain house with your wife for the weekend, I believe,” Marie replied before scuttling out.

I couldn’t keep silent any longer.  “Where is Eric?” I demanded. “Is he here?”

Lucifer closed his eyes and cursed under his breath before replying.  “Answer the question, Malcolm.”

“Who the hell is he to order me? I am the Alpha of the Whitehall pack! You are in my territory now!” Malcolm growled. Lucifer walked up to him, standing chest to chest, and his eyes began to glow red in his fury.

“He is Y/N’s Alpha, and if you don’t tell him where Eric is in the next 30 seconds I am going to order him to tear you limb from limb, Alpha or not,” Lucifer growled menacingly, with Michael, Dean, and I flanking him.

Malcolm seemed to crumple like a deflated balloon. “He’s at the mountain house.” He whispered.

“The address.” I snapped, already turning towards the door.

Malcolm scribbled down the address on a piece of paper, which he handed to Michael.  We turned to leave.  Lucifer, chest heaving, grabbed Malcolm by the throat and held him in the air before flinging him across the room.

“If your son has hurt Y/N, you goddamn coward, I will destroy the entire Whitehall pack, starting with you. You aren’t fit to call yourself Alpha.”  He snarled before turning and walking out the front door.

Part 11

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[reveriequill-rai]

Blood Candy Chapter 6

(AH so sorry it’s been a minute lol) 

Good news: I did actually wake up that morning.

Bad news: I missed the bus. 

The first thing I did was check my phone. Well, this was standard procedure for me, but instead of checking Twitter, I checked my messages. My mom texted me at around 5am with this message:

“Hey, sweetheart. I know you’re probably asleep right now. I got in the house (I know you told me not to, but the cops said they’d be there around the time I would get back and I wanted to meet them there) and, of course, the first thing I did was check on you. I’m sure the relief I felt when I saw that you were alive is obvious, but that’s not the point of this message. I don’t mean to alarm you, but we got here at about 4:30am-ish and we couldn’t find Seb anywhere in the house. The police launched an investigation throughout the area.”

Before leaving the house, I took one last look around to see where Seb was. 

It was only when I began closing the door to the guest room did I notice that the closet door was cracked open, the padlock released. It wasn’t broken, I noted when I went to examine it, but there was a black key on the floor next to it that I had never seen before. 

I immediately grabbed my stuff, locked the door, and ran to the elevator of the apartment, checking the time. I only had a minute to get to the bus stop, so I opted to take the stairs instead. I ran down all 4 flights of stairs and made a beeline for the bus stop—only to find that it had already taken off. 

I took an Uber to school that day. The entire time, my mind raced with possible theories as to how Seb had gotten out. 

I hated every single one of the conclusions I had managed to come up with.

I arrived in class 10 minutes later. Fortunately study hall was my first class, so I decided I would take that time to get an extra nap in and make up for the lost hours of sleep. To hell with the Dracula essay, I thought. I can make it up later.

I looked around the classroom for a seat and found my friend Akira, the researcher for AkiSeb Theories. She was fairly easy to spot in a crowd; she always wore that same dark gray anorak jacket with a thistle-colored, heart shaped patch that she had woven onto her jacket sleeve after it got torn one day.

Thank God, I thought. I really needed someone to talk to.

I had met Akira in seventh grade. She was surprisingly social, despite having a relatively small amount of friends. We became fast friends, although we never really became too close until freshman year of high school. One day, she suddenly asked to sit with me and Seb at lunch, clearly distressed. Curious, but deciding not to intrude, I said yes. 

Throughout these two and a half years of being close friends with Akira, I had eventually come to the conclusion that she was basically the middle ground for Seb and I. She was analytical, but also imaginative--the mind of an ace detective, and perfect for a conspiracy blog. She wasn’t too idealistic to the point where she would sound like a maniac trying to explain one of Seb’s theories to a normal person, but also not too logical as to rule out Seb’s theories entirely. That’s why I suggested that she join Seb as the researcher for his website when he first started it in eighth grade (my mom helped him set it up when he was over at my house one weekend). 

She was tying her short, black, undercut hair in a ponytail. Her laptop was out, probably writing notes for a new conspiracy for the blog. 

“Akira!” I said. 

Akira turned to me with a tired smile. 

“What’s up, DK?” she teased.

“I told you not to call me that,” I sighed. 

“And I told you to start your essay early,” Akira retorted, finishing the ponytail and going back to her work, “but here we are. I’m assuming you stayed up till 3am working on it again?” 

“For your information, I stayed up until 1am working on it. I ended up actually going to bed at 3:30-ish because Seb tried to kill me last night.”

Much to my annoyance, though I wasn’t surprised in the slightest, Akira laughed. Anyone who knew that me and Seb were incredibly close, which a lot of people did, would never have guessed that he would ever try to kill me for real--not only because he was my best friend, but because the dude couldn’t even lift his own laundry basket.

“You really let a skinny little kid like him get the best of you?” she joked. “Didn’t you tell me you always used to kick his butt when you guys were play fighting when you were, like, 6 years old?”

I shot her a glare. “I’m serious. Plus, he’s seventeen. He’s not so weak anymore.”

Akira froze, the teasing smile dropping from her face.

“Come again?” she said. 

“Okay, it’s a fairly long story but…” I said, taking a deep breath, “y’know how I got my blood drawn yesterday? Yeah, I got this doctor named Jasper Kermit who gave me this red candy thing after the bloodwork to ‘keep my energy up’ but I gave it to Sebs instead because you know I’m not one for sweets but when Sebs ate it he started acting weird and his driving skills seemed impaired and he kept getting into crashes almost so I took an Uber and then he tailed us home and then when we finally got home I yelled at him and--“

“Okay, okay, slow down,” Akira said. “Breathe. Start from the beginning.”

I took another deep breath, retold the first part of the story more slowly, and then continued.

“I came to the conclusion that he may have been sick or something. There was no way he’d get us into a crash on purpose, right? Sure, Seb’s a little bit of a reckless driver, but he’s not that bad. Anyway, I went out for a walk and tried to schedule another appointment—“

“Not at the same doctor’s office though, right?” Akira asked. 

I paused. 

“Uhhhh…” I stammered. Akira facepalmed. 

“Dakota, you know I love you, buddy, but you can be a real moron sometimes.��� She sighed. “That candy was probably drugged. Actually…maybe you’re good. As long as you got another doctor.”

“That’s the thing,” I said, my voice quivering slightly. “It was Jasper that picked up the phone.”

“The one that spiked the candy? Great.”

“I asked him about it and if there were any allergens but he was being all cryptic…” I fidgeted with a pencil on the desk. 

“Did anything else happen?” Akira asked, her once skeptical look turning softer.

“Yes.” I continued to fidget the pencil, only faster this time. “That night, I worked on the essay and fell asleep at midnight, and I woke up to find Sebs just…caressing my wrist with a knife in his hand…”

“…oh God…” 

“…he tried to…” I took another deep breath. “…he ended up cutting my finger instead, and he…he licked my blood off of the knife.”

Akira’s dark eyes widened. 

“He ended up cornering me at one point…” I continued, “…but I managed to fend him off. I ended up KO’ing him with a baseball bat, and I trapped him in the closet for the night. I barely managed to get any sleep…I’m so tired, but also still shaken up. I’m drifting between falling asleep and being unable to sleep.” 

Akira stood up and embraced me in a tight hug. 

“You can stay with me and my parents for the time being, if you’d like,” she offered.

I nodded, returning the hug. 

“That doctor told me if I wanted to know about the candy, I’d have to go in and find out myself.” I clutched the pencil tight. “But I don’t want to face that dude again.” 

“You don’t have to, y’know,” another female voice said. “At least, not alone.”

Akira and I let go of each other and turned around to face the famously lavender-clad, infamously enigmatic Kaveri Vigil.

Now, despite being in this school for four years now, she hasn’t managed to make many friends. At least…not any close ones, none except for Akira. I only met Kaveri once, and that was when I ran into her and Akira at the mall in freshman year when Kaveri dyed her hair for the first time. She was...fairly quiet around me, but as the pair of friends left, the raven-haired girl was talking up an absolute storm--though nothing bad about me, I assumed. In all honesty, if I hadn’t had Seb, then I would’ve been rather envious of Akira and Kaveri’s close relationship. 

Rumor has it that she became a lot more anti-social after a ‘family emergency’ that dismissed her from school for the rest of freshman year--around the same time, actually, that Akira started speaking to me more. When Kaveri came back in the middle of sophomore year, she refused to speak to anyone unless she absolutely had to. She even cut several of her classes. It was a miracle she hadn’t been suspended, or worse, expelled. When I asked Akira about her, she refused to speak on the matter. At one point, when I tried asking her again, she seemed to have no clue who I was talking about. 

To Akira, Kaveri was practically a stranger. Akira was never the type to make enemies, and it didn’t seem as if Kaveri was either--so for Akira to greet her so venomously was...more than just a little jarring. 

“Vigil,” Akira hissed. “I thought you were a recluse. Why come to a pair of unknown loners now?”

Kaveri ignored Akira’s attitude and said, “Don’t get it twisted. I overheard your conversation, and I think it may come in handy for my own theory I’ve been piecing together.” 

“…you think you know what’s going on with Sebs?” I asked.

“Maybe. And if we’re lucky, we may be able to save him. However, I’m going to need some help.”

Akira shot Kaveri a glare. 

“Oh, now you need my help,” she snapped. “What would you know about this kind of stuff, anyways?

“More than you could ever know,” she answered bitterly. 

Akira only shot a glare at her in response, looking like she was biting back the urge to say something else.

“Like I said, don’t get it twisted. I’ll go back to ‘shutting myself out’ once I get to the bottom of this,” Kaveri continued with a rather sarcastic tone toward the end. 

I looked at Akira and Kaveri. What’s their deal? I wondered. 

“I’d be glad to have some help,” I said. “Let’s meet after school, okay?”

Kaveri nodded, and walked away without another word. I turned to Akira, who had an annoyed expression on her face. She looked back at me, softening a little.

“Do yourself a favor,” she said, “and please don’t ask.”

I didn’t. I understood the value of privacy well. 

The rest of the day, I could barely focus in class. If I wasn’t falling asleep, I was doodling stuff from last night—Seb’s spiral eyes, Jasper’s cunning grin, a couple of vampires...

All day, the same question crossed my mind:

If Jasper did, in fact, do this...what in the world did he put in that candy to make Seb want to kill me?

[coralmentalitycrusade-blog]

Woah (In my Joey Lawrence voice)

First things first Hi!!

The fact that I even had one of these and posted something a few years ago and where my head was has me baffled as I’m looking at my three month old son over the monitor as he naps. MAN. LIFE HAS CHANGED. Obviously, some for the absolute best and then of course the worst of the worst. Thank the good Lord above that time has come and gone and honestly I don’t think I’d be as genuinely happy as I am right now in this moment in the present if it wasn’t for those quote “worst of the worst” times.

So where do I even begin? Should I begin back to us moving home to Texas after living and starting our marriage in paradise? Do I start on how I wasn’t a good spouse? My husbands infidelity and how he had divorce papers drawn up signed and a court hearing just to stay married and be happier than we’ve ever been now... or the miscarriaging with what ended up with me losing a fallopian tube? I’m going to do my best to give it all on here (in parts) the raw honest hurtful truth of the worst eight months that led me to relying on Gods grace of promising me that “His will, His way, my faith” was going to take care of me. Learning and leaning on the Lord in that time when it was more dark than I had ever imagined that’s why I’m writing this, that’s why I’m sharing this. I want to share that love and protection I felt even when I hurt more than I had ever hurt before.

Before hashing into the deep and heavy I want to say first and foremost I have the most beautiful little boy who has brought so much MORE love and joy into our lives. We were already in a whirlwind of reconciliation and happiness that we were living our truths with each other FINALLY and then bam the Lord provided us with what we thought we would never have... a family, our slice of humble and happy pie got bigger and it’s been magical. Our son is almost four months now and life is so incredibly sweet.

People always say there are three sides to a story. The parties truths and then the real truth, well I’m about to give it to you all. I’ll leave out one persons “so called” truth due to I don’t want to speak for her and her actions. She knows what she did and how she played in the story. I will however tell you how it felt as a woman and as a wife to feel the way I did, and the fact that she knew me and us and what she was doing.

February 22nd, 2017; lets just say ouch. Two days prior to this day we were celebrating my baby sisters birthday at my parents with all my family, my husband sat on my parents couch with my nephews and one niece running amuck all over him loving on their favorite uncle. I was happy, I thought we were happy, I thought I was finally out there with a full time job again that I loved helping provide for my family when I hadn’t in so long. I was working my butt off to be a better wife to be a better person and loving spouse. I thought we are out of the darkness we had been living in the past two years. Well, boy was I wrong.. so so wrong. I may have felt that way but my husband clearly did not. Fast forward back to Feb 22nd (going to call my husband Charles and me Blair) Charles picks me up from work and asks if I want to cook or just go grab something quick I said we can do something quick we head to Torchys Tacos talk about my day at work (he was off) and if we wanted to go see a movie since we had eaten so early. He told me he loved me more than once during the meal, but I could feel something was off with him. On the way home I said jokingly I’m you’re best friend right?! He goes no babe you know (our dogs name) is.. I said haha, you’re funny I love you more for saying that. He replies I love you too and squeezes my hand as we head home instead of a movie due to him and I both just wanting to go home. I go to the bedroom and he goes and turns the tv on and starts watching winter Olympic re runs. I say babe just tell me what’s going on you’re being weird just let it out. He says those four words and the reason why I can remember EVERY single thing about this day about the horrible beginning of my worst nightmare.. it’s burned in my brain to this day still even with therapy I can still feel it. “I want a divorce” I immediately started to cry and to hyperventilate. He was serious, he had the serious Charles face on. The one where I know he means it. I jump in his lap and say no no no no this isn’t happening this isn’t real. Wake me up. Please Charles, please I’ll do anything. I’m throwing my head into his shoulders into his arms squeezing him. This man is my whole world and my heart is deflating and breaking and crushing and everything you could’ve imagined it was doing. I said I don’t believe you (I did though) and he goes I’ve already gotten papers drawn up you just have to sign. This throws me for a loop I’m in hysterics. I’m so angry and so upset I can’t breathe. He takes them out and threatens me if I tear them up he will leave right then and there. I begged and pleaded and begged and cried and screamed no no no no we aren’t divorcing I don’t believe in divorce. We’re happy, I thought I was being a better wife. I hadn’t nagged or bitched in ages, our sex life was getting better, I was out of my darkness of sitting around like a lump. He showed me them and I just couldn’t take it. I ran to the bedroom to hit my knees and bawl out silent screams. I didn’t know this till later but as he’s walking our dog after saying all of this to me he called his parents to tell them. My in laws, the family I had loved for over ten years. They were my family too. I eventually drag myself from my tear stained pillow to take a shower to just cry more and get the courage to call my cousin, he is the big brother I never had the man who shook my husbands hand on our wedding day before we said our vows and told him not to hurt me. He calmed me down and said it’s not over till it’s all done honey try and remember that. I go to bed, he follows later we laid there in silence until I start to cry he holds me and I started to scream cry. He went to work the next day, I called out and went to my cousins apartment and bawled my eyes out to her. I couldn’t stop throwing up. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t breathe. I finally cried myself to sleep in her bed as she went to class. How thankful I was for that bed that day, to sleep and close my mind off. I went home of course to take care of our dog. Charles came home the next morning we went to breakfast..

He had taken his ring off, another shot straight to the heart. This was real. He was leaving that weekend for a disc golf tournament little did I know this weekend was not just him alone. Little did I know that when we left breakfast, him putting his ring back on, saying he loved me, and him promising me we would talk and work on us when he got back to just give him this weekend.. that it was all a facade so he could drive away to meet the “other woman” the woman that had taken my place. The woman who knew EXACTLY what she was doing. The woman who knew me, who knew he was married and here’s the kicker who had paid for the divorce papers. There is a past with her, and she did date my husband before we were married we were friends in highshool. Not best friends where the girl code is invoked, just casual friends. She had always thought that what I did (dating) was so wrong. It had been YEARS since they had “dated” when we went on our first official date. I wasn’t even living in the same town as them. I’m two years older you see, so it never really occured to me how someone could be so twisted, so calculated, and just plain hurtful to hold on to that kind of hate. I have had to put up with this woman’s hate for years, she can say that she didn’t for so many years but I know, he knows, and she was definitely showing that hate she had pent up in the absolute most disgusting and horrible way. Yes he played in the tournament but he was using our money for a hotel with her for the weekend and this wasn’t the first time they had been together alone..

This is part one of a mini blog series I will be completing. This is emotionally draining on me as I really do hate reliving some of these emotions, but it’s also the most freeing feeling I could and have needed to feel. This is my truth. I have never once spoken on this... on this incredibly painful time of our lives publicly on any form of social media which factored into why he eventually comes home, comes to his senses as he states. I promise to get to all that.. I need to put this out, to say it out loud I guess you could say in some way or another. So here I am blogging it anonymously. I’m so thankful for my husband and our little family. I’m so blessed and so, so, loved. God’s grace is the most powerful tool, if you can learn to show that to others and yourself at times it will do you wonders❤️