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raayllum · 1 year ago

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1 - favorite fic you wrote this year. 3 - favorite line/scene you wrote this year. 12 - favorite character to write about this year. 14 - a fic you didn’t expect to write. 21 - most memorable comment/review. And 24 - favorite fic you read this year.

I have no precision on fandom or fic... You are free to choose which fandom. Thus, you may make us discover other universes.

1) favourite fic you wrote this year

Looked through and discovered that I wrote 20 fics this year, which is wild, even if the majority are oneshots so... certainly have my pick an picks for various reasons!

These are the ones, probably:

This Fall Might Just Kill Me is 10.2k of Callum trying and failing to get purified, post-S4, and was one of my favourites and one I return to pretty often for a personal re-read. Very Callum/Rayla centric, some magic worldbuilding, and lots of devotion. Oneshot

Twice as Many Stars is 8.7k of Sir Sparklepuff is an existential horror story, the fic, featuring more religious trauma allegory than expected. Also a oneshot

Teach Me How to Name the Bigger Light a fanon s6 currently of 5 out of roughly 26-30ish chapters, and at 41k and counting. Main characters are Callum, Ezran, Rayla, and Claudia in about that order. It's a lot of fun, and a lot of angst

3) favourite line/scene this year

"If it's not you, it's not anyone" has one of my favourite love / Rayllum confessions I've ever written. I also loved this line from a (now non canon) fic regarding Kpp'Ar's feelings on Callum/people "There are many ways to mend broken things, if you can". I deeply enjoyed Callum threatening Nyx over Rayla's safety in this pre-S5 fic and this piece of description as well: "Callum knelt down in front of her, her cheeks heating as he reached up and pried the shawl away again, looking at the way the scar crept over her shoulder like dark ivy" + this Rayllum passage from "this fall just might kill me" (edit in the link):

“It’s because if I die,” he said, squeezing her hands. “I want you to be the last thing I ever see. And you are good enough, Rayla. You are . I don’t care if you destroy me. I don't care if we make each other better or worse or both. I love you. I’ll fall for you every time. I’ll choose to, I’ll choose you, every time.”

I also really enjoyed writing Callum and Lujanne in "older but just never wiser" because it was interesting to revisit their dynamic now that well, Callum is older, powerful, and much more jaded/angry.

Drabbles wise this Rayllum one has one of my favourite metaphoric uses I've ever been able to pull off and I always love 1) writing messy Ezran and 2) Ezran being a little done with his brother's less than favourable methods, so this one for Ezran's "underhanded" comment for sure

But if I had to pick a singular exchange fic wise, it is of course the end of the Callum and Ezran fight from Ch4 of fanon s6, because it was a line that hurt me so much I was sad the rest of the day, and I also thought of it before writing a decent chunk of the boys' argument, so making sure it felt earned and hit the way I wanted to was very fun if also angsty. I apologize in advance lmao:

Only this time Callum scoffed, peeling away, his green eyes glinting. “Yeah, right.” “I am your king and I forbid you—” “You don’t get to forbid me from doing anything because guess what?” A manic gleam overtook his brother’s face. “I don’t fucking care what you think, nevermind what you fucking decree. I’m freeing Runaan, and that’s final.” “Then you can do it without my help,” Ezran said with a ragged breath. “Because I am not giving you my seal.” Callum stared at him with cold eyes. “Dad would be so disappointed in you.” But this time Ezran was ready for the blow, as he said, “Well at least I called him Dad."

A shameless plug OG fantasy world wise was definitely this lines from my sequel WIP. You can learn more about it/the fantasy world here <3

The Alpha of the Crescents may have worn her old friend’s face and mannerisms, but the girls they’d both been were long dead, just like their families. It was time to finish the job and bury them.

as well as

“Good. Vita willing I won’t live to see your next lives.” “Because seeing you again has been so pleasant,” Jamie muttered.

from book one

12) favourite character to write about this year

Given my above answers it's clearly been Callum, but Ezran has probably been my standout in "teach me how to name the bigger light," easy, even if I think Rayla's POV is going to sneak up on me more and more as the fic goes on, especially once we reach the chapters at the Starscraper. I've also written a somewhat decent amount of Kpp'Ar POV this year, I loved writing Claudia in "twice as many stars" in particular. Everyone? Can I say everyone?

But if I had to pick, Callum. (Non fic wise it's all the OG chosen one kiddos running around, I love 'em.)

14) a fic you didn't expect to write

Many days of angry muttering and half concocted plot points predated "teach me how to name the bigger light" and I am still slightly internally salty about it. However, it does feel good to have one last fanon season foray, especially since it's been four years since the last one, and I've been having a fucking blast, lemme tell you.

21) most memorable comment/review

This is hard because I do cherish every review and kind word I get (as well as anyone who leaves notes in their bookmarks) but there are some standouts. Basically anything from twice as many stars is fair game as well as this review on fanon s6, cause I'm gonna go the typical write route and say the long bois make my day / when readers catch onto the smaller details, that's absolutely my favourite:

@inamindfarfaraway <3 hope you've enjoyed the most recent chapter!

24) favourite fic you read this year

Have already done some TDP fic recs here so I'm gonna focus on what's in my bookmarks for now! I mostly read LOZ or SOC fics when I'm not making my way through TDP backlog, but this one for Six of Crows centreing on Inej and Kaz called High Wire Act stood out to me and I'm really enjoying "for the children we couldn't be" for TDP because it's trio centric and the exact kind of time travel fuckery I like to read.

This is tricky, though, cause I find most often the favourite things I participate in is like, the stuff I write because it's what I want to read and most tailored to my specific tastes? I also just don't read as much fic as I could / have in the past and it's hard to pick Just One Fic, y'know? So cop out answer, maybe, but this is the one!

#thanks for asking #forbidden op lore #a year in review lmao #perlelas #my fic #dragons rambles

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holdmytesseract · 2 years ago

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Ok, here's one of like three ideas I had for your Lyric Drabble Fest!

Lyric: "And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming Or the moment of truth in your lies When everything feels like the movies Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive"

from "Iris" by the GooGoo Dolls

I think it may be a good angsty prompt for a Tom fic! (esp the lyric about life being like the movies) But, like I say, you'll probably get more. :)

a/n: Ahhh, first of all... I am so so sorry @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 that it took me sooo long to write your drabbles. 🥺 You've been one of the first who send me a request... I feel so bad... 🥺 I really hope you're not mad at me... 🥺 And I also really hope that you like what I wrote. ☺️ I love this song! 🥰

Warnings: this is quite sad... mentions of breakup, divorce, angst, nevertheless there's a bit fluff, dad!Tommy

Word Count: 1030

Tagging: @lulubelle814 @km-ffluv @eleniblue @muddyorbs @loz-3 @vbecker10 @jennyggggrrr @mochie85 @chantsdemarins @peaches1958 @multifandom-worlds @fictive-sl0th @loki-laufeyson-1054 @lovingchoices14 @simping-for-marvel @stupidthoughtsinwriting @vanilla-daydreaming @lou12346789 @lady-rose-moon @evelyn-kingsley @the-princess-of-loki @acefeather2002

Lyric-Drabble-Mania Masterlist

Based on this song:

Nightmare Turned Reality

Tom walked over to his big kitchen counter; two glasses with one of the finest bourbon whiskeys in hands. With a soft thud, he placed one of the glasses on the counter, in front of his best friend, who sat on one of the bar stools. "There you go." He said, sitting down beside Benedict with his own glass in hands. "Thanks, mate." The dark-haired Brit took a small sip of the alcohol, tasting the flavour on his tongue. "So... It's final?" Benedict asked rueful, actually not wanting to ask this question - but he had to. Tom swallowed hard, took a big sip of the bourbon, but nodded meekly. "It's final, yes. We..." He had to take a deep breath, in order to control his upcoming emotions. "Y/N and I, we... We're getting divorced, yes. If everything goes by plan, we are going to sign the papers in two weeks." Ben had to swallow as well now.

He had seen it; witnessed it... Tom's and your relationship going downhill. You and him were such a sweet, wonderful couple. Five, almost six years everything had been dreamlike. Sure, there were arguments and fights, but that was normal. Every couple went through that. It couldn't always be sunshine and rainbows. You were so in love; the both of you never thinking that you could fall out of love again... But it happened. Neither you, nor Tom could mark the beginning of the end. It just... Was there one day.

Perhaps everything went too fast... Marrying barely after two years... Having a baby after one year... Maybe that was it. Or perhaps it was the publicity and the fact that Tom was famous. You weren't - which wasn't a problem at all. You were not even close to the film industry. You were a hairdresser - and the most beautiful woman in the- Tom shook his head. It was over. You often told him it was a lot for you to handle. The press, the publicity, the fame... Maybe it was too much in the end.

"Tom... Evie. What..." The actor's best friend started, swallowing hard. "What is going to happen with-" "Daddy?" As if on cue, Benedict got interrupted by said little girl. Evie stood in the door frame of the living room, rubbing her eyes with one hand and clutching her way too big stuffed animal - a koala against her chest with the other arm. She was dressed in her violet nightie; actually, supposed to be asleep this late. Tom could see a few dried tears on her cheeks and the redness of her eyes. He had a guess... "Hey, baby girl." He cooed, immediately getting up from the bar stool and walking over to her. "What's wrong, sweetheart?" "Had a nightmare, daddy." She snivelled, causing his heart to break for his daughter. Nightmares were cruel sometimes. "Oh no, I'm so sorry this happened to you." Tom immediately picked her up in his arms and exchanged a look with his friend, who nodded with a soft, sad smile. The two friends didn't need words to communicate. "C'mon, sweetie... I'm going to tuck you in again, okay?" Evie nodded against his shoulder. "Mhm."

Tom carried his daughter back in her nursery, where he sat down on her bed, still cradling her in his arms. Of course, she was way too big for his arms and lap now, but still. It gave her the feeling of safety and comfort. "What was the nightmare about, baby girl? Can you remember?" "Mhm." She mumbled and readjusted herself in her father's lap, snuggling close against his chest, blonde-brown curls bobbing. She had the same hair like her dad when he was younger. "Do you want to talk about it?" Another nod from the small girl. "You and mommy were shouting at each other." Evie started, causing a cold shiver to run down Tom's spine. "It was so loud and frightening, I covered my ears and sat in the corner, crying. Then you said you didn't love mommy anymore, a-and that you are going to leave. I-I was so afraid that you are going to leave me, daddy." Tom swallowed hard; his heart breaking completely now. Unbeknownst to his daughter wasn't her dream just a nightmare... It was reality. How... How on earth should he or you ever tell her? It would hurt her so bad. Hence, it already did...

Tom squeezed his eyes shut, deciding to focusing on the here and now. "First of all..." He started, cuddling his frightened daughter even closer. "Daddy is never going to leave you, okay? Never." "Promise?" Evie mumbled, holding onto her father for dear life. "Yes. I promise. You are the most precious thing in my life. I can't live without you, baby girl." To underline his words, Tom pressed a firm kiss on the top of her head. "Secondly... It was just a dream, sweetie. It's all in your little head. A dream can't harm you." He hated himself for lying to his daughter, but what choice did he have? Telling her and making a little girl's nightmares come true? No, he couldn't do this. He didn't have the heart to do this. The Brit's heart started to bleed even more, clenching with pain. Yeah, you bleed just to know, you're alive, Tom thought, fighting the tears so hard. "I'm here, okay? You don't have to be afraid." Evie didn't answer, just tried to be as close to her dad as possible. "Can you stay until I sleep in again?" "Of course, sweetie. Just let me say goodbye to uncle Ben, okay?" "Okay."

Tom quickly left the nursery again to explain the situation to his best friend. Ben understood, of course, and left right away. After that, Tom crawled into the way too small bed for the tall man, and enveloped his daughter, giving her again the feeling of safety. "That okay, sweetie?" "Uh.Huh."

Evie had been long asleep again, when Tom still laid inside the bed, eyes wide opened, glued to the unicorn night light. He couldn't sleep; the guilt of lying to his daughter eating him up inside. Why was life so cruel sometimes?

#tom hiddleston one shot #tom hiddleston x y/n #tom hiddleston x you #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston imagines #tom hiddleston drabble

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judjira · 2 years ago

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Can we know anything more about parenting au? Or really any of the aus you posted the other day. Every one of them sounds great.

Also, I love apartment au. Thank you for that Misamo fill!

u asked for this anon get ready for a dump (also i know u asked for parenting au details but i just wanted an excuse to ramble hehe)

also take note, these are just the aus that are in progress, not the idle ones that are still in my head and require more fleshing out

if u see one u like, feel free to ask for more details ! who knows, it might give me more inspiration to write it ! i am taking requests, but only if it's from this list below ! i dont mind writing short drabbles on some of these that further flesh out the details and story ! also probably that pressures me to write the full thing so HAHA

nada dul cielo (magical realism au)

dayeon

this one's pretty interesting, it's based on a filipino short story called "kite of stars". basically nayeon, a young rich noble, falls in love with mina, an astronomer who only looks at the stars. to get mina to fall in love with her, nayeon enlists the help of dahyun, a butcher's girl, to create a kite that can reach the stars. this one is mostly fantasy, coming of age, and angst ! i love angst so much

across the (gentrified) stars (space bakery au)

saida, side jeongtzu, mimo, jichaeng

this one is based off a request my friend gave me, literally just "i want a baker au" but i thought that was too boring ! in a hypercapitalist society, sana works as a baker in a mass-produced bakery on a distant moon. when a ship with a foreign model crash lands on the moon, sana meets dahyun, a traveler from a time long past. (loosely based off of outer worlds !)

the last wish (genie au)

dahmo

this one's a sad one. basically dahyun's a genie, and momo's the girl who found her. however, as soon as momo makes her last wish, dahyun will disappear forever. very angsty and very sad i believe.

mosaic (band au)

dahyun/3mix

literally "getting the band back together" the au. basically 3mix and dahyun are a band, but due to an argument they've broken up, and it tells the story of dahyun fixing everything and getting everyone back together. this one starts out angsty but ends fluffy :)

lost in translation (amnesiac au)

dahyun/3mix

this one is a confusing one, i'm not sure where to take it. basically dahyun has amnesia and 3mix try to win her favor as her admirers. now this could go one of many ways, either dramatic, or humorous, or fluffy, or angsty,,,i rly dont know how to go about this one

under revision (writer au)

mihyun, side jeongsa, namo, jitzu

this one's already on ao3 (the first chapter at least) kind of based off of inkheart, dahyun's a writer of a medieval fantasy novel, and writes the main character of her story into existence and promptly falls in love with her. mostly fluff with dashes of hurt and comfort !

office au

dahyo, side ships undecided

this one is rly just indulgent fluff, basically jihyo and dahyun are coworkers, and everyone around them thinks they're dating :)

cheating au

saidahmo, side ships undecided

yknow i gotta save my painful aus for saidahmo hue. i actually want to keep this one a lil secret but all u need to know is that sana and momo have a broken relationship and dahyun is momo's new neighbor :) i'll let u guys guess the rest

god au

dahyo, minayeon, jeongmo, chaetzu

this one is actually a set of oneshots! all of them are gods of specific domains, and all of the oneshots explore the different dynamics between the pairs (who mostly have opposite domains !)

break up au

dahminayeon

still unsure about this one, but basically dahyun comes back from a trip to find that her two best friends, mina and nayeon, have broken up. so she endeavors to parent trap them, while trying to ignore her feelings for both of them, mostly a humorous and fluffy fic despite the premise !

road trip au

mimohyun

this one's a ride (hehe) also ive elaborated on this already, but momo and mina are estranged childhood friends who search for dahyun, their missing best friend. this one explores mina and momo's relationship with each other, while going into their relationship with dahyun in flashbacks !

parenting au

dajeonghyo

already posted the prologue to this ! dahyun's been kicked out of the house for being pregnant, and jihyo and jeongyeon take her in. this one is mostly angst, hurt, and comfort, while exploring themes of religious homophobia so pretty intense !

online dating au

dahmichaeng

also talked abt this one before ! after a few months of a long distance relationship between dahyun, mina, and chaeyoung, they finally get the chance to meet in person ! just pure unadulterated fluff while exploring romance in the pandemic !

roommates au

jidatzu

low on money, dahyun moves into a three person apartment with cheap rent, alongside jihyo, who's just moved into the city, and tzuyu, who's lived in the apartment for as long as she can remember. together, they are all awkward lesbians who are attracted to each other.

revolutionary au

dayeon, side mimo, jeonghyo, sachaeng

this one's pretty cool ! a noble with a talent for painting, nayeon's perception of the world is rendered invalid when she meets dahyun, a member of the revolutionary army whose task is tagging graffiti.

magic school au

danatzu, mochaeng, jeongmisa

another big au with multiple oneshots planned ! ive already written a little bit abt this, but they're all just students in a magic school, exploring love :) mostly fluff, little bit of angst

other aus (not yet written):

hogwarts au, whiplash au, pacific rim au, idol au, nightlife au

#ask #joo rambles #requests

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txdoroki · 4 years ago

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Hi, I’m back with another request!! I was wondering if I could suggest a Drabble where the reader gets hit with a quirk that gives them hanahaki and they confess to Bakugo. But he doesn’t feel the same way. So they just sit together until the reader dies.

I know this is kinda super angsty but I hope you have fun with it! I love your writing!!! Have a nice day!!

heyy! omg thats so sad- i love it :D awe tysm, have a nice day as well!

(what hanahaki is for anyone who doesnt know: hanahaki disease is a fictional sickness that only occurs when someone is suffering from unrequited love. the victim will cough up flower petals. this disease is only cured when the victim's feelings are romantically returned.)

warnings: death

words: 251

--- -- -- - - - - - - --- - -- - - -- - -- - - - - - - - - - - - ----- - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- -- - - - - - ----- -- -

you and bakugou had been sitting on a rooftop playing uno when the flowers began appearing. they were sunflowers, bakugou’s favorite. you tried to nonchalantly cough them out

“uh y/n, what’s that.” he pointed to one of the bloody sunflowers that fell next to you when he looked up from his cards.

fear set into your gut. how did you get hanahaki??

memories of the weeks beforehand flew through your mind, landing on one you guessed was what happened.

it must’ve been from that damn villain that you were going up against a few months ago. you recalled how every now and then you’d cough out a petal, and at the time you didn’t think much about it. panic flew through your body.

“bakugou, i’m in love with you,” you coughed out another flower, hoping he’d say he reciprocated. you didn’t want to die, you were only 20. it was now or never, life or death.

“what? y/n.. you know you’re only my friend in my eyes..” he frowned at you when you began choking on the flowers.

“i-,” another bloody sunflower, “i understand,” another one.

“i’m sorry,” he gave you a hug, looking at the ground. he felt so guilty.

but he couldn’t exactly lie to you. it was inevitable.

he held you before you lunged to throw up more flowers. in between hurls of sunflowers coming out of your mouth, you whispered goodbye to him, then you collapsed in the puddle of blood-covered flowers, and took your final breath.

#mha bakugou #bnha bakugou #bakugou angst #bakugou x reader angst #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugou katsuki angst #bakugou katsuki x reader angst #mha x reader #mha angst #bnha angst #katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugou

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foxymoxynoona · 2 years ago

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helloooo foxy it is I, 🧩! thought I’d send a message because I haven’t in a little while now. even when I disappear from your ask box, I am still always reading all of your story updates almost as soon as they are posted! I hope you’re doing well and I hope you enjoy your upcoming vacation! I haven’t got anything interesting to tell you here unfortunately, I’ve been very busy with life things so love to escape to the worlds in your stories when I get a chance. I thought I’d share some rambling thoughts on some of them while I’m here!

-still very very invested and enjoying flux. I feel like after surviving the angst of the previous breakup of Sasha and JK, I can now handle future angsty bits of the story and actually kinda enjoy them now. please don’t come for me anyone lol I am still their biggest fan, I just know I have overcome the initial sadness and know they have a long way to go, so might as well enjoy the ride. the series is almost a comfort read for me as I know you have plans for more books in the series, it’s nice to know I have more to read and look forward to! that being said, I’m kind of nervous (in an anticipated way) to read how/when JK informs Sasha about his past drug usage. or when Sasha finds out about said drug usage. plus where they go from here!

-very intrigued by to kill a king!! I love Seokjin stories and he’s perfect in this one. so endearing and funny and sweet! I love how with this story, I have no idea what’s going to happen. no clever thoughts or predictions in my mind, just vibes. (maybe I’m just slow, but I’m enjoying wherever the story is taking me nonetheless!). I’m looking forward to seeing how the story progresses, I’m not usually one to enjoy a story involving royalty but this is just so enticing and unpredictable to me so far, I’m really enjoying! I’ll never not read a fic by you because you always have such interesting plots that always keep me on my toes :)

-asunder!! okay at first I was debating whether or not to read. there were obviously way more pros to reading than cons, but I guess I was initially worried that I would compare it too much to the lowlander despite it being a sort of prequel. maybe because I enjoyed the lowlander so much because of Jungkook’s character focus and development… anyway, I’m so glad I did decide to read (I knew I would) because it’s just as amazing. love reading about all the characters as children. I know you enjoy writing about families etc but you write children really really well, you manage to capture childlike personalities in all your stories involving children without them just being simply young, small people if that makes any sense. I’m just as immersed in the world of the story as I was with the lowlander and I love that we gain more of an insight into the characters childhoods and beginnings. you know what character I’m also really intrigued by? Hoseok! I don’t know what it is, but I particularly enjoy reading the parts where he’s mentioned or involved, I know he wasn’t one of the most prevalent characters in the lowlander in comparison to the more main characters but I do find him very interesting. maybe we’ll see some more of him in the Thane Yoongi story?

-speaking of the lowlander, I can’t wait until my memory of it has depleted a little more so I can read it all over again. I re-read a sea of indigo and sugar fairy while you were on a small break and loved them all over again. I think you uploaded the drabbles soon after I finished which was perfect timing!!

agh I wish I could write a full commentary on all your stories because I’ve read and enjoyed every single one, but unfortunately for me and for anyone reading, I lack the writing skills and ability to pull my thoughts together and explain them well haha! anyway just thought I’d share regardless as I’m sure it’s nice to know people are enjoying what you’re working hard on and sharing :) 🧩

It's so good to hear from you again!! I hope things are good even if they're busy but I'm also glad I can still give you an escape when you need it, whether that's new stories of rereading my older ones. :D

Its so funny to me that your response to TKAK is pretty much the common one: I have literally no idea where this is going but here we go! I have my suspicions of the two chapters where I think things will start to click together more for readers but there will probably be an air of that 'what the hell is happening next' until we get towards the end because of the nature of all the conspiracies. Simialr to Meadow in that way, I guess, but with more obvious 'wtf'ery from the start haha.

Asunder is going to be my little special baby. It's a joy to be writing the characters and getting to know them more as children, including Hoseok! I was intimidated doing this, having to deliver on the checks I wrote in Lowlander and without that high tension scenario from the start, so this story feels very different to me too to write. I hope it'll stay enjoyable anyway! But yeah, totally different vibe to it!

lovely to hear from you, I hope you enjoy the upcoming chapters!

#🧩anon #to kill a king #tkak #asunder

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ephemerlskies · 4 years ago

Text

constant craving 03 | jjk

⇢ pairing: jungkook x reader

[other members - seokjin]

⇢ genre: drabble series, ANGST, bestfriend!au, unrequited love, the same idiocy just in a different font

⇢ word count: 4k

⇢ warnings: explicit language, alcohol consumption (drunk jungkook makes his first and final appearance enjoy it while you can), vehicular misdemeanor (drive the speed limit kids), an all out emotional and verbal brawling, a lack of communication on one end and a communicational vomit on the other, seokjin appearance for about .02 seconds, the entirety of this is just.... angst

⇢ summary: your dates with Seokjin had become a somewhat consistent fixture in your schedule, however, jungkook's itinerary seemed to clash with yours when he called you after a night of drinking for reasons you assumed to be him helplessly pleading for a safe return home.

♪ playlist: constant craving - k.d. lang, bad religion - frank ocean, misunderstood - lucky daye, neu roses - daniel caesar ♪

╰ series index: 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 (final)

a/n: whew, okay.... this was probably the most argumentative fic i have ever written so prepare yourself. i hope you all enjoy this god awfully angsty installment of the series! also, yes, jungkook is a sentimental drunk and you all know it

part three: i love you

It's true. It's always the biggest pills that are the most difficult to swallow. And if you could compare someone as elusive as Jungkook to anything, it would be the largest pill imaginable. The kind that hurts the first try, then when you drink half your body weight in water, the Jungkook-emblazoned pill forces down your esophagus no easier than the first gulp. You were still holding it in your mouth, pretending that pill wasn't about to dissolve and stain your mouth forever.

And that was the whole process, just to get over Jungkook. Because getting over him wasn't a one-step program. It was waking up everyday, training and retraining your mind not to think of him first thing in the morning. It was resisting the urge to press the send button on multiple texts and funny videos you knew would make him laugh. It was refusing his calls and every memory that would saunter in your mind and compel you to ask him to watch a movie or order takeout.

It was saying yes to Seokjin when he asked you on a date. And, it was doing your best to sever that instinct of yours to ask Jungkook for advice.

But old habits die hard, and this one still clung onto the bit of breath it wielded. That explained why your idiot of a best friend was sitting on your couch, offering half-hearted nods whenever you would walk out draped in a new outfit.

"Okay, this one?" You twirled around, as if doing so would make you any less skeptical of how you looked. And you were never one to scrutinize your appearance so closely, but this was the date. The one that might light the torch to a brighter romantic future and lead you to someone other than the man who could never be yours to begin with.

"Yeah. Cool." At this point, five outfits in, he wasn't paying any attention at all. He couldn't even bring himself to pretend, his eyes lazily fixed onto your dvd player.

"Jungkook, you didn't even look! Let me guess. You wanna play video games. Is that why you're giving fuck-me-eyes to my T.V. set?" You knew a laugh was far along, but you hoped that would get some sort of reaction out of him. Unfortunately, your words were barely registered for a good ten seconds, though, it felt much longer.

"Hm? Oh, sorry. Just tired, I guess." Jungkook said through barely parted lips. You knew when he couldn't even pronounce his words properly, something he took more seriously than others due to the hauntings of a certain speech impediment, there was definitely something wrong.

Things felt off from the moment he walked into your house. Judging from the way he avoided your hug, that alone suggested a sort of imbalance. It was a casual greeting exchanged between the two of you so often that when you lifted your arms to embrace him, it was born of reflexive association. Like Pavlov's dog, trained to hug him the moment you saw him. But the oddity of him almost discretely walking past you before any contact could be made wasn't where the tension bordered.

Following his arrival, he would have littered a few snarky remarks about how messy your kitchen was, while already scavenging through your fridge, just to get a rouse out of you. And Jungkook wouldn't call himself a connoisseur of all things fabric and fashion, but he surely would have a few thoughts consisting more than two-worded responses. But he just sat on your couch, armed with a face any poker player would commend, and gave you insincere cool's or nice's when need be.

"Okay, what's up? Is it Irene?" You sat down since taking a break to figure out what Jungkook was thinking felt better than continuing your self-absorbed fashion show.

"Kinda... We broke up. Well, she broke up with me or... I don't know. It was weird." It bothered you a bit too much that he didn't even look at you. But if he had, then you would have seen a film of red dousing his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Kook. Is there anything I can do? Anything at all? Want me to egg her house?" This time, he did laugh. You felt relieved he could at least ease slightly back into his expressive self, even if it was just a fraction of what he usually was. A fraction of Jungkook was more than enough for you.

"Nah, no need to go to jail for me. It's not like I didn't see it coming, and apparently she felt the same. Whatever." He let out a sigh that sounded trapped in for a while, then sat up. "We have more important things to worry about."

"I'm sorry, but I don't believe that. Jungkook, literally a week ago you told me she was the love of your life! And now you're just like 'yeah, whatever, I saw it coming.'" You used your notorious 'man voice', which was just yours lowered a few octaves, knowing it would crack another smile along Jungkook's lips. "Come on, I know you love her. This must hurt a lot. I wish... I wish there was something I could do."

You knew exactly what you were doing. Self-sabotage under the guise of consoling your friend. Clearly, it was selfish and regressive to use Jungkook's heartbreak as a means to avoid doing what you could never do before, what you knew deep down you probably would never be able to do: swallow that pill. And what felt even more pathetic than that was the stale, yet persisting hope that he would ask you to stay.

And that's when reality gave you the most gutting and obvious sign. Jungkook was your best friend, the man you had to lug home when he was too drunk to drive, let alone speak coherently or stand. He was the person that buys you ice cream when you're sad, but just as quick to cancel plans with you when Irene needed him. He was just a friend. You'd never be the person he chose, and it nearly made you angry at him for not seeing it all this time.

So, what he said next made everything he was most likely unaware of all too clear to you.

"No, you go have fun. I'll just... chill here?" It was his avoidant way of asking to stay the night, because you knew him to never sleep alone when he had an ache in his heart. "Maybe raid your pantry and use your Netflix account to binge some shows?"

"Fine. Only 'cause I can't say no to you when you're like this." His smile was reimbursement enough for all the food you'd have to restock and the electricity bill that would be higher than usual.

But what he did next, you could almost never forgive him for. It was so subtle, as though it could have passed as an accident or an act he was trying to perform secretly, without any intention of you even noticing. And how could you not notice? The far too temporary and entirely disarming linger of his hand on yours.

Now, you were always one to decipher his most subtle mannerisms, but this one felt beyond the reins of your perceptiveness. It could have been a small gesture of a thank you, but the gentle, and what one could even describe as sentimental, way his skin pressed against yours bore no semblance of a mere expression of gratitude. And it wasn't possible this was a caress of love, because he was already low on currency in that field, spending it completely on Irene.

So, what was it?

How would you describe the way he rested his hand on yours, as if asking you to stay without words, yet punctuating it quick enough to justify it a coincidental form of contact, that your hand just happened to be where his hand was?

"Well, I'm gonna go eat through my problems." Jungkook stood up before you could bat away the wetness in your eyes from your momentary refusal to blink, as if that would somehow help you visualize the meaning of what just happened.

"Oh- Okay. I, um... I should get going." So you did. You walked out your door, and made a decision beyond the demands of your devotion to Jungkook.

Because it probably meant nothing, and he was your best friend, after all.

---

It was easy with Seokjin. And surprisingly enough, that wasn't a bad thing.

You had come to realize everyone craves that passionate kind of love because, in the movies, that's the blueprint for what love should feel like. But that's all it is, something pretty and shiny enough to work into a film. Make believe. And it could never extend beyond the realm of silver screens, where best friends don't magically fall in love and passion awarded more broken hearts than you could count.

Besides, your heart was worn.

See, your heart is a muscle. It works itself to the bone keeping you alive, willing your lungs to breathe, administering blood to each vein and so on. To strain it for someone who was already in love was functionally inefficient. The heart, like any other muscle, grows tired. It can exhaust itself the same way your hand aches after writing for too long.

You needed a break from the gripping emotional aerobics that is and was loving Jeon Jungkook. So, it sufficed that Seokjin was easy. No more overexertion, no more aches and pains and residual soreness occupying your chest, no more of any of that. Because you knew Seokjin liked you, which was safe and easy knowing there was no point mapping out the possible meanings of every inflected word or shrug or smile. They were simply words and shrugs and smiles with him.

And yet, the thing about giving your heart a 'break' is the period succeeding it. When you were finished resting, you knew who would be waiting for you. Who you would always wait for.

"___! Hello?! I can't hear you! It's too loud!" It wasn't really that loud, your idiot of a best friend was just that drunk. You couldn't tell what concerned you more, the fact that his hearing degenerated when he was, from the sound of it, seven shots deep or that this was the third of alcohol-induced call for this week.

"Where are you?" You asked through a sigh, eyes trained on your Twitter feed and ears occupied with the urgent voice blaring through the speaker phone.

And since it was the third time this week, you were not even half-amused by the repetitive stunt he was pulling.

"I don't know... I walked out and now I'm out and I don't know." The hiccup following his messy sentence was comically textbook 'too drunk'. “Hey, we should take a trip! We should, like, go somewhere!”

“The only place you should be going is home.”

“See, I would totally do that, but I have no idea where I am. Why are these street signs so hard to read?” The end and beginning of each word blended together, rendering that sentence one long, slurred word.

By now, the step by step plan synthesized by you had been memorized. And even though you labored your brain to rewire any feelings leaving you at his beck and call, it clearly hadn't been proficient since your keys had already been gathered and his whereabouts programmed in your GPS via his location services.

"You're so annoying." It might have been rude of you to want him to feel guilty, but it was just as rude of him to interrupt your one night off, which was supposed to be spent with Seokjin, with his intoxicated antics. "I'm coming to pick you up."

"Yo- u are? I love you sooo much. You're the best friend ever, ya know that?" Overly emotional professions was your que to drive fifteen miles over the speed limit so he didn't do something stupid enough to land himself in an ICU.

"Okay, I'm almost there. I think I see you. Wave for me?"

The slumped silhouette you were squinting at began to frantically throw its arms side to side, making you both laugh and pull over so he could drag himself into your passenger seat. And, if you were being honest, he looked better as the blackened shadow of himself.

Jungkook, in all his glory, had his shirt almost fully turned backwards, hair ruffled into a mess, and face as red as the time you and him laid on the beach until your skin punished you with a second degree burn. And all those factors didn't amount to how he smelled like he bathed for hours inside a hand sanitizer bottle.

"God, you're a mess, Jungkook." You said that as jokingly as possible, but meant the sternness embedded in each word. Jungkook was a mess, physically and mentally.

"Hey! You're judging me! Stop being th-o mean, ___." Whenever he was this drunk, his lisp made more appearances in his speech than when he wasn't.

You hated how easily it reminded you of when you were in middle school and he was still navigating and rehearsing through his speech patterns. In middle school, when he was the sweet boy with his only fault being his lisp, who gave you his hoodie and a compassionate smile upon meeting you because your current bully plotted the embarrassment of a lifetime with that piece of chocolate on your seat. In middle school, when Jungkook was the only person in your grade who was kind enough to be kind and true to his word when he pledged his loyalty as your best friend. Forever.

With just one word, you were that timid little middle schooler again, helplessly and unconditionally in love with Jungkook.

Hauling Jungkook, who was more muscle than bone and flesh, over to his door was an art form you had trained, practiced, and mastered about thirty or so times before this one. He weighed about twice as much as you could normally carry, and nonetheless, he was out of your car and in his house in no time.

After you locked the door, you turned around to meet Jungkook, rendering the door frame into a crutch and effectively detaining you between his body and the solid wood behind you.

If you weren't so reminiscent in the car seconds before this, then the vodka-scented souvenir on his breath would have gagged you. However, being this close to him, feeling the warmth of his body consuming and overpowering yours, just made you want to sink into him even more and give him everything you had to offer.

His head was hung so when you looked up, you were greeted with Jungkook's lazy smile that gave his lips a boyish asymmetry and draped his eyelids halfway down his irises. And he had you spooled around him so tightly, this look just made him all the more appetizing.

"Kook, we gotta get you to bed, buddy." You tried to ward him off by weaponizing the most strictly platonic nickname you could think of, partnered with a neighborly pat on the back.

It was mostly to remind yourself that this man, who was an inch too close to your face, was your friend, and that in less than ten minutes you were expected to see Seokjin, but from the way he was looking at you, as if he reached into the depths of your heart to devour all your feelings for him and make them his own, you had to remind him of the universally accepted best friend boundaries.

No deep, romantic gazing into each other's eyes. No intimate activity that could be a precursor to anything more affectionate than a hug. No doing exactly what you two were doing as of now.

"Don't call me that." You hoped his aggression against what you said was merely his inebriated irrationally talking, and as always, his emotions were far beyond his control.

And, shamefully, you also hoped it was because he actually did feel the way you felt. What if he wanted the date that Seokjin was going to get tonight and he wanted all the hand holding and none of the back patting, a 'baby' instead of a 'buddy'?

"What? You're drunk-"

"Don't." Before you could drag him by the arm to his bed, a firm palm settled on your torso and closed the gap between you and the door while widening the gap an inch further between Jungkook and his bed, where he would fall asleep without the warmth of the only person he wanted. "___, please."

His voice was strangled with desperation and Jungkook was depleted of all resistance. He just needed to drink you up. To fill himself with the nourishments of your lips, your body, you.

"What-" He could have silenced you easily with a 'shh' or a finger to your lips. Or anything to your lips except his lips.

His lips. They were greedy and giving all at once. Making soft and intimate ministrations against yours as he kissed you before you had the chance to register what was going on. And even when you did, you let his tongue slide into your mouth. This moment was brimming with all the spontaneity you could ever be prepared for, and though it was new, there was no denying that kissing him felt like finally coming home just from the amount of times you had played this moment out in your daydreams. Plus, Jungkook seemed to ease his tongue along yours a bit too confidently for this to be the first time the idea of kissing you has ran through his mind.

You're being stupid, you told yourself and Jungkook, but that didn't matter when you were finally allowed a taste of what it felt like to be kissed and touched and possibly even loved by Jungkook.

Your shirt was bunched halfway up your torso, his body pressed to your front a reprisal for the chill of the door against your back. Jungkook was, admittedly, a phenomenal kisser even when the lens of sobriety wasn't available to him. The way he ran his hands along the bare of your back like some desperate pilgrimage to discover the undiscovered parts of your body and took your bottom lip between his teeth like it was his to begin with was nearly enough to undress you from all your defenses, from all your clothing, from every single barrier that kept you from Jungkook for the past twelve years and let him have you. And finally have him. It was nearly enough.

Your hands divorced his body from yours before your lips and heart were ready to let go. It was painful, but the heartbroken look wringing his face into a tearful frown was even more so.

"No." You pushed him away further only to walk past him and seek refuge in the open space of his living room. "You don't get to do this."

"What? What does-"

"You don't get to drunkenly kiss me, Jungkook. You don't get to hold me and kiss me like you love me. It's not fair."

"Hey-"

"Because you don't. You don't love me..." If you weren't too busy finally permissing the hot words to boil over from pure anger, then you would have felt the even hotter tears wetting the expanse of your cheek.

"Well, how the hell would you know that?" His voice drowned out the loud pumps of blood beating in your ears like a drum.

"Because it would have happened ten years ago, Jungkook! Jesus, it would have been obvious from the beginning. So if you love me, if you really love me, then it wouldn't be happening now, like this. When you were drunk out of your mind and still vulnerable from Irene."

"You don't know anything." If that were the case, then Jungkook somehow knew even less than you.

"Yeah, clearly. I didn't know you'd stoop this low. I thought I was a lot of things to you. But I never thought I'd be some rebound."

"A rebound? You think that's what this is?" Jungkook seemed upset, but to your knowledge he had absolutely no reason to be angry with you.

He was, as always, displacing the burdens he didn't feel like dealing with on you, moderating you into an emotional punching bag. But what hurt more than those scrapes and bruises, was the aftermath of letting him fuck his worries away which would have consisted of him telling you the next morning that it meant nothing, expecting you to nod demurely, maybe even console him, and act like your chest hadn't been emptied and filled with his baggage in the most murderous way.

"Fuck you."

"Wow. You're really being like this? You really wanna talk about this now?

"You know what? Yeah I wanna talk about it. I wanna talk about the years. The years, Jungkook, that I've spent loving you! I- I wanna talk about the amount of times I've spent thinking about you when you were with her, and I probably didn't even cross your mind. Or how about the fucking thousands of times I've spent crying over you because I knew I was never going to be the one you'd want to wake up next to! And I had to watch! I had to fucking watch you fall in love over and over and probably wonder why I didn't fall in love either. It was you. It was always you, Jungkook."

"___, I-"

"No." His attempt to intervene was quickly denied. You were too angry to let him speak, too tired to carry these grievances any longer. "You don't get to talk. It's all out there. I loved you. I still love you! Fuck, I'm trying to get over you. And it's like you know. It's like you can read my mind or something and strike right when I'm about to recover from the last wound."

Your breathing was as heavy as Jungkook's was shallow. He could only stand, breathlessly, only curse himself for ever being so blind and regret taking advantage of your love even if it were entirely unknowingly, just to let his heart sink deeper until it fell completely out of his chest while his tears fell just as heavily.

"I'm done, Jungkook. I'm tired of trying to outrun you in this race that you're not even competing in. I'm tired of loving you. So, I'm done."

All the words Jungkook wanted to say, the words pleading for sound, carving deep gashes in his throat and leaving him vocally impaired, could never amount to the apology you deserved. Maybe this once, he wouldn't leave you wounded. He would gather the nobility to shut up and let you move on from him. Because you wouldn't know from his lapse of silence that he was empathizing with every bit of pain he caused you, and he hated himself more than you did right now for allowing such a pain to ever fall in your hands. But, where you knew you could someday forgive him for it, he knew he would never forgive himself.

He could scrounge for a few things to respond with, pour the weight of his emotions into the scarcity of his words, but he needed to let you leave and be selfless for once in his life.

"I should go. Drink some water before bed, okay?" You mumbled to choke back your tears, though it wouldn't matter letting a few more tears escape since you were previously sob-ranting and he'd seen you cry like this a hundred times before. He was the shoulder you never thought you'd have to miss leaning on, but walking out of his door punctured a hole in you. An empty space in your heart designed for the one person who had crushed the rest of it.

If this were a movie, with star-crossed lovers and a fiery infatuation blooming into what everyone secretly wants: true love, then Jungkook would have ran out of his door and held you close, professing his undying love for you. He would have won you back, reassembled your broken heart into fullness, kissed you beneath the brilliance of the moon, and lived happily ever after.

But this wasn't a movie, and he did none of those things.

Instead, he stumbled his way into his kitchen. He poured himself that cup of water you advised. He thought about how even when you swore to him you were done, you spared a bit of compassion to remind him to take care of himself. He wondered how deserving he was of everything you are. He touched his lips, searching for the echo of yours. He fell into his queen-sized bed meant for two, alone, and whispered the words that were ever eclipsing to the space beside him where he longed for you to lay so you could hear them for yourself.

"I love you."

a/n: sorry to put you through that, but the idea was born and i am but a humble vessel to bring it to life <3 hehe thank you all so much for reading and like i said, don't worry there will be a happy ending!!! (and possibly a longer-than-drabble final chapter to this series)

#bangtanarmynet #btsgoldnet #ficswithluv #bts fanfic #bts x reader #bts angst #bts writing #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst #jungkook bestfriend!au #bts drabble #jungkook drabble #constant craving #rubycoast

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laora-ryn · 3 years ago

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Fanfic Review

tagged by @sapphireswimming, @ninthfeather, and @hawk-in-a-tree ! went back in the thread a little to get some extra questions, because I could lol

How many works do you have on ao3? 100 ahhhh. I posted #100 in August, and apparently my brain liked the round number enough that I haven't posted anything since ;0;

What’s your total ao3 word count? ...1,143,375...jesus christ

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? 18! "main" fandoms: Gundam 00, Harry Potter, Fullmetal Alchemist, The Hobbit, The World Ends With You, Persona 3, Supernatural, Danny Phantom, Kingdom Hearts "side" fandoms (only one offs, or crossovers): Bleach, Final Fantasy 13 + 15, Persona 5, Lord of the Rings, Van Helsing, Legend of Zelda, Doctor Who, Octopath Traveler

Are there any new fandoms you want to write for? Of fandoms that aren't in the lists above, I have fic ideas for Assassin's Creed, Gnosia, and The Hunger Games. P5, DW, and OT will ideally be in "main fandom" list at some point lmao

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Byzantine (HP/FMA)

Desiderium (Hobbit/LOTR time travel)

Symbol (Danny Phantom)

Chrysalis (FMA)

Yggdrasil (Hobbit)

Honorable mentions go to Penance (HP/FMA) and Men and Angels (FMA), which were wildly popular on FFnet, but since they got back-posted years later to AO3, their numbers here are lower.

Which of your fics do you want more attention for? Every single one of my 00 fics, tbh. It's a tiny fandom but it still makes me sad because I'm really proud of them :(

Do you respond to comments, why or why not? I try to! except sometimes my brain is an ass about it

What sorts of things do you normally write? I uh got a little infamous in a few fandoms for the angst/tragedy side of things lol. Anymore I tend more toward angst with a happy (or at least not terrible) ending, found family, trauma recovery, dramatic irony/revelation fics where the reader has more info than many of the characters (looking at you, Bring Down the Sky)

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Oh lord, hope you were looking for a list lmao, because it's impossible for me to pick. in reverse posting order, going down my ao3:

our fury burns, a TWEWY haunting AU that I guess isn't angsty so much as Dark As Fuck

Empty Promises, a DP fic where Danny dies in chapter 1, and the rest of it is people dealing with the aftermath. it is, i have been assured by many people, awful

this is the way the world ends, a Gundam 00 AU where [redacted] survives their death in canon, only to die horribly a few months later. [other redacted] blames themselves and there is, um, all sorts of trauma to unpack

Phantasm, a Supernatural fic that I don't even remember the details of anymore except it is Dark As Fuck and Sam dies at the end

Ash Like Snow, an old Harry Potter/Fullmetal Alchemist fic set in an HP Dark Timeline, where Ed, Ling, and half of Al's blood seal show up in the Great Hall during their fight with Gluttony.

Honorable mentions go to Promised Eternity (FF13) and Asymmetria (FMA). They're both grimdark fics I started and then decided were Too Much, Even For Me, so I abandoned them halfway through.

What’s a fic that pushed you out of your comfort zone? Idk what it says about me that?? I don't know?? the only thing I can think of is my 100 word drabble collections (Gundam 00, TWEWY) since i, uh, don't know the meaning of brevity lol. But yea other than that, nothing I can think of? And I can't tell if that's a testament to my comfort zone being Very Big, or me limiting my fics to things I'm familiar with lmao

Do you write crossovers? What’s the wildest one you’ve written? Occasionally yeah! I wrote several Harry Potter/Fullmetal Alchemist fics back in the day that were pretty well received. I think the latest crossover I wrote was a TWEWY/Gundam 00 fic that I'm particularly proud of (but got next to no traffic, since neither of them are huge fandoms OTL)

Wildest?? i mean the crackiest one was probably Dimensional

Have you ever received hate on a fic? yeah back in the day on FFnet, tbh I'm just glad the concept of 'flames' isn't around much anymore, it's so pointless

Do you write smut? if so what kind? i am way too ace for that

Have you ever had a fic translated? A lot of them actually!! I have them (+gift fic art) all archived on this page

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Hooooooo boy this one takes me back. Yea, ten years ago I had 3 friends on a forum on FFnet, and we made a joint account to post all our co-written HP/FMA stuff. Playing God was the biggest one, but there were a bunch of oneshots too. You can read them here

What’s your all time favorite ship? Lockon/Tieria and Christina/Lichty from Gundam 00. they deserved better

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Yggdrasil, and I feel awful about it ;0; I had big plans for it, but it's definitely a case of "bit off more than i could chew, and found plot holes, and got overwhelmed" so :(

What are you currently working on? Currently, the main one is the next installment in Bring Down the Sky. It's taking so long since I don't know how the next several blocks are gonna be split fic- or chapter-wise, so I'm pre writing a lot of it to figure it out as I go Px I've also got a set of character studies of the season 1 Ptolemy crew from 00, but that's uh 2.5 / 11 done so that's gonna be a while There's more in my WIP folder but those are the ones that are probably at the front of the line for posting!

What are your writing strengths? I've been told by several reliable sources that I'm very good at The Angst lol. I also pride myself on characterization and character interaction in general! My fics are definitely character-driven

What are your writing weaknesses? Action scenes are a WIP for me otl. I'm also very bad at like, describing visuals for people? Since I'm 100% one of the people who doesn't visualize things in their head at all, so I forget a LOT of the time that people appreciate that lmao

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I mean, depending on the fandom, it's kind of inevitable? For multilingual characters, I only write out the dialogue if the POV character can understand what's being said Main example right now is Lyndsay Dylandy (Lockon's mom in 00), who I write as severely deaf and speaks in Irish Sign Language. The people around her are fluent, but randos around town (and the kids' friends, the first several times they come around) aren't When it's in those people's POV, I just write that Lyndsay is signing, and if the friend need to know what she said, one of the kids translates for them. For Lyndsay's POV, if the person's vocalizing, she does better if they're facing her, and talking louder, and is patient if she needs something repeated. She can read lips okay but it's not fool proof, so in non-ideal situations i tend to write vocalized dialogue from her POV with gaps in the parts of speaking that she would miss (ends of sentences, hard-to-parse words for lip reading) Tbh it's been a really interesting thing and I'm working hard to get it right - I've got mild hearing loss myself and am learning ASL, and I'm modeling Lyndsay's progressive loss after a close friend with the same condition. She wears hearing aids, but still has a lot of issues with hearing/understanding if she's not on her A game.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? Most recent? First, a bad Harry Potter fic from when I was 14 - most recent, a much better Gundam 00 fic from August lmao

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? how dare you make me choose probably Nodus Tollens (TWEWY post-game trauma recovery) or the endings of stories that never got to be told (Gundam 00, an exploration of the Dylandys' backstory and the impact the war had on their family and friends)

What fic are you most proud of? Same answer as above??? I guess I'm pretty proud of writing our own secret ceremonials for TWEWYtober 2020, 33k words within a month for 31 separate oneshots was impressive

anyone who wants to Do The Thing can consider themselves tagged! @the-stray-liger, @neildylandy, @tieria-erde maybe??

#mine #ask games #this was fun!!! thank u for the tag

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fanfoolishness · 3 years ago

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Interview with a Fic Writer

Tagged by @novantinuum, thank you!

How many works do you have on AO3?

242 works. The actual fuck??? Wow, me. Of course, this does span about 9 years, so I guess that's not that insane?

What’s your total word count on AO3

549,737! But that averages out to only 2271 words per story, haha. You got me! I think I have less than 10 fics that have more than 1 chapter. I love one-shots, what can I say?

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Oh, you want to get into this? All right. We'll get into this:

The X-Files, proto-fandom, ur-fandom, first OTP ever... yeah, 15-year-old me went. WILD. Many horrible Mulder/Scully stories, and some Doggett/Scully and character study stories as well. Mostly not very good, but with occasional flashes of decent writing. Really had a difficult time writing romantic feelings between 30+ year-olds given a) I did not date in high school and b) was 17 and not an emotionally stunted FBI agent.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - not a huge volume of stories, but definitely some very angsty Spuffy and Spike tales.

Harry Potter - just one published fic (Lupin grieving Sirius), and one with Snape and Harry having a heart to heart I could never quite get right.

Then came the dark times (vet school) where I was exhausted and hard at work for a few years and I thought, horribly, I might have outgrown fandom. Thank god for...

X-Men First Class and the undying love of Charles Xavier and Erik Lensherr! I'd never fallen for a slash ship before but my god I fell hard for this one and wrote my first fandom smut and my first real AU (mutants with zombies) that I never finished.

Then.... let's see...

Quantum Leap drabbles!

Two Avatar the Last Airbender fics!

Agents of SHIELD fics, mostly focused on Coulson and FitzSimmons, and super angsty.

Bioshock Infinite sads (god I love writing the sad bad dad)!

And then the juggernauts of Mass Effect (my longest fic to date with 30 chapters!) and Dragon Age, which were endlessly productive and are still productive given the variety of different protagonists you can create, different choices, and different relationships to canon characters. I'm still working on a Hawke/Varric fic in the back of my mind here.

There's one random Gravity Falls fic (wish I could have got a little more obsessed with it, or gotten into it while it aired) of Stan sads, and one tiny Avengers ficlet of a sad Tony and Peter.

There's one Wheel of Time fic! Dammit I wanted Rand and Tam to reunite so much sooner than they did.

40-odd Steven Universe fics! So many SU fics!

One random Schitt's Creek fic of David and Patrick!

And finally, The Mandalorian, with 47 fics. Phew!!!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. The Invitation, The Mandalorian. Din Djarin finds himself in dreams that seem realer than real, reminding him of his loss, but he begins to find a sense of hope again. A promise is kept.

2. The Outstretched Hand, The Mandalorian. Din Djarin is a man of action, but sometimes, the quiet finds its way in. Din reckons with the aftermath of the events of Chapter 14, the Tragedy. (My very first Mando fic!)

3. Not the Sentimental Type, Steven Universe. Priyanka Maheswaran has long prided herself on keeping her emotions in check. But a mother's love can only grow, and sometimes it expands to people she never anticipated. Like the Universe boy.

4. Translation, The Mandalorian. Din Djarin was a man of few words, but many languages. Some might have thought the Child had no language at all. Din Djarin and the Child grow to understand each other.

5. Full Disclosure, Steven Universe. Just as the world begins to recover from Spinel's attack, Steven starts having nightmares. The more he ignores his fears, the worse they become, until he's left with no other choice but to ask for help. (My thoughts on what would drive Steven Universe Future, and I wasn't far off.)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I really try to! Even sometimes years later if I realize I've missed some. I appreciate each and every one, and have definitely made friendships through comments <3

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, hell... I'm too lazy to link these but if anyone wants to read them let me know or find them on my AO3!

A Stopped Clock from Bioshock Infinite has Booker DeWitt ravaged by Korsakoff's amnesia from his long-standing alcoholism. Is Columbia real or imagined? Hard to say.

The Viscount's Way shows Varric Tethras having become his parent, and a cruel, hard viscount of Kirkwall.

Songs in the Key of Red shows how Cullen fared under the dark future in Redcliffe in DAI, and they write happy endings, don't they? shows what happened to Varric. Both horribly depressing in different ways!

Two by Two, Hands of Blue shows a not unexpected end to lyrium addiction :( Poor Cullen, he got a lot of angsty developments, didn't he?

Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest thing you’ve ever written?

Never really got into crossovers or AUs. Just... meh for me!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, I don't think so.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Charles/Erik, Shepard/Garrus, Shepard/Liara, Shepard/Tali, a mess of different f/f femShep drabbles, and most of my Dragon Age pairings have gotten sexytimes. On the other hand I helped start the NoRomo Mando tag for the Mandalorian to help find non-pairing Mandalorian content. Depends on the pairing and the fandom, for sure.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, thank goodness!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think so! There used to be a Spanish-language wiki linking to some of my old X-Files stories XD

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but friends and I definitely will beta each others' things to help with sticky points.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

ALL-TIME? Just, why? So many ships I loved in years past turned out to have pretty damn problematic elements I didn't see at the time, so it's hard to say... Mulder/Scully actually has a ton of issues, Buffy/Spike obviously has issues... so maybe Hawke/Varric (except not canon!) or Garrus/Shepard or Brosca/Alistair.

What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Still need to finish my Hawke/Varric fic for after Adamant! I have 3 chapters written that I haven't posted. Maybe posting them will help inspire me....

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and POV writing from different characters; I feel fantastic writing Steven and Greg, though totally at sea trying to write from Connie's POV, randomly. But I think my dialogue and emotional beats are what people tend to tune in for. When I do write romance, it's usually very sweet and silly and pulled from life. I also love writing nature scenes and settings to help establish mood. Mood and emotion and catharsis are my bread and butter, and I like my poetic prose.

What are your writing weaknesses?

What the hell is a long, well-thought-out plot? Like what even is that???? My longest fic with 30 chapters is basically "Shepard has PTSD and hangs out with her crew. They have some funerals." THAT'S IT. How the heck people actually come up with plot that ties into the lore of a fandom I genuinely have no idea and it's the biggest thing that's held me back from finishing original work. I can come up with a setting and characters and then trying to make them do stuff that's more than just talking to other characters and deepening their relationships with them... how the fuck???

I also definitely have 10-20 words that I am in constant danger of reusing like every other paragraph, LOL!

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't speak any other languages so I always avoid it as much as possible. I've seen people describe sign differently in fics and picked one way to depict it that made sense to me for Grogu, but that's about it.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The X-Files, of course!

What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Towards Another Day, the tale of how Cullen went from being a templar in Kirkwall to commander of the Inquisition, is definitely up there.

Reverberations is one of my rare multi-chaptered fics and one of my favorite for the catharsis at the end. It makes me tear up every time. 5 times Din and Grogu encounter the Dark Side, and one time they find the Light.

Either a world for the birds (Steven develops a closer relationship with his Uncle Andy, learning birdwatching along the way) or on the subject of rocks (Steven and Jasper finally reach a peace) might take the prize for favorite SU fic.

Tagging (if you’re super bored and would like a fun thing to do) fellow writers:

@lastwordbeforetheend, @runrundoyourstuff, @honestlyhufflepuff, @art3mys, and @fake-starwars-fan if you would like to play!

#fandom #writing #on writing #fanfiction #damn look at me go #memes

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chemicalpink · 4 years ago

Note

Hello! Could you please write for namjoon x Reader? This is for the tarot drabble. Could you write a combination of major a/ temperance, and minor a/ six of sword, ex lovers au? I hope this request makes sense :) ty!

I can! thank you for asking!

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Genre: sad lmao is that even a genre? angsty, lowkey fluff im sorry if you wanted this to be a hot ex-lovers au you should’ve said so.

warnings: implied smut for a sec, heartbreak.

wc: 945

Prompt: temperance “You’re my boss, not my mum. Why are you so worried about me all of a sudden?” + six of swords: ex-lover au

Namjoon and your’s story was... unconventional to say the least. Props to whoever advised people to not date someone in your friend group or from work. Even less if they’re both at the same time. You had to learn the hard way.

A very short-lived story of loving too hard and too fast, memories of the happiest you could have been in years all gone in mere minutes when Namjoon had come home that night, drowning you in apologies and sad eyes as he packed his things and left with a promise to come back to get the rest of his stuff. Two years of fun mornings, laughter, and cuddles after you two had been one the night before, kissing and soft caresses that turned into cold mornings and lonely nights without him there. To top it all off, even though seemingly Namjoon had walked out of your life, he was still part of it.

Four months into the breakup, your heart still seemed to skip a bit at the longing of coming into work each morning, greeting him and watching him go on with his day the way it used to be before, without both of you leaving hand in hand when the day was over. But you were a professional at what you did, so the longing stares as he served himself a cup of coffee and the incomplete sentences that were left hanging on his lips as he watched you walk away after handing him reports, were left untouched in your mind.

“Hey, Y/N we’re heading over to the karaoke bar down the street, wanna go?” One of your coworkers asked as she happily perched herself on your desk, not that you two were close, but anyone could tell from a mile that the air between you and your boss had shifted for worse “It’ll do you some good”

You looked at the clock on top of your screen that read 19:03, maybe going out was what you needed after months of mourning what you had thought to be a life-long love story, but you were a bit behind in tasks after spending some days crying and calling in sick “I’ll work for a bit, but I’ll text you when I’m done, okay?”

Her face fell for a few seconds before she regained her spirits as she gathered her stuff and smiled at you “Fine, just don’t overwork yourself too much”

“I won’t” you returned her sweet smile as you got up to head to the printer, the building was left unusually quiet and dimly lit, or maybe that was to be expected at this hour, you wouldn’t know, Namjoon was usually the one to work overtime when you two were together, getting home at ungodly hours of the night, climbing into bed and falling asleep almost immediately. You had always told him to not work that hard too often, to look after himself better, guess that same advice could go for you.

“What are you still doing here? Everyone’s gone” your heart skipped a beat as your head started spinning, you didn’t need to turn around to tell who was the owner of the deep voice that resonated in the empty room.

“I need to finish some stuff” your tone was as cold as it could get, rushing the words out and evading him on your way out, you were sure you’d break down if you were to face him.

“Y/N” and there it was yet again, the words hanging on his tongue every time you came across him, your name leaving his lips as if it was a stranger’s name, so different than what it used to be. You paused in your step, a sign to let him know you were listening “Never mind”

And that was the last straw, maybe it was wrong of you to put the blame on him, but he had unanimously decided to walk away that one night, he had decided he wanted out, without much words or consideration for you, he was gone, and there he was, still being part of your life, watching you try to move on with your life even while having to stick around him, longing looks of what could’ve been, words that he seemed to believe were better left unsaid.

You turned to face him, feeling that emptiness within taking over you as you took a look at him, as perfect as he had been, this time with a lot of history to take in as you stared him down “No please, Namjoon, go on” your voice seemed to startle him, never once seen you so defensive after your breakup “PLEASE, I am sick and tired of wanting to hear what you’re supposed to say after calling my name, I am begging you, just grow a pair and say what you’re thinking for once, almighty Kim Namjoon”

He seemed to shrink on himself, voice considerably small “I just wanted to know if you’re okay”

You laughed curtly at that. “You’re my boss, not my mum. Why are you so worried about me all of a sudden?” the anger that was boiling inside you seemed to melt away as you felt hot tears invading your vision, a few wetting your cheeks not long before a sob escaped your lips and you felt the man standing before you pulling you into him, a warm hug that was too familiar and only sparked more tears from within as you ruined his shirt and he kept on rubbing your back in a futile attempt to calm you down.

“Y/N you don’t understand just how much I worry about you, always have, always will”

If you’d like to request something from this particular drabble game, you can find it here

#bts imagines #namjoon imagines #namjoon drabbles #namjoon x reader #bts drabbles #tarot prompt drabbles #namjoon fluff #namjoon angst

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pikemoreno · 5 years ago

Text

so long

pairing: ezra (prospect) x reader

request: anon: “’Lay your head in my lap and try to get some rest.’ for your choice?”

word count: 1.4k

warnings: none, it’s mildly angsty and then there’s a little splash of fluff

a/n: i’m... incapable of writing short drabbles. it’s fine. first time writing for ezra. ahhhh. so exciting, but so hard and so nerve-wracking. hope you enjoy. and i still hate naming things lol.

He hadn’t seen you in so long that he wondered how his feet still knew the way to your door at all. Though now that he was here, his hand didn’t seem to remember how to knock.

He guessed that was due to his having to use his non-dominant hand for such tasks now. The last time he was at this door he was still in possession of all of his limbs. Last time he was here he also still had a key. No knocking necessary.

A lot of things were different from last time he was in this spot. He was more youthful then: his eyes were brighter, the crease between his eyebrows shallower. He hadn’t killed. His zest for life was grander, his need to explore still unsatiated.

The knuckles of his left hand lifted to knock, but didn’t follow through. He chewed on his bottom lip, beginning to second-guess that perhaps you wouldn’t want to see him now.

It had been nearing 200 cycles since he’d left. You used to come with him: hopping planets, prospecting, roughing it, no attachments but each other. The two of you had landed on this civilized little planet about 300 cycles ago now. The original intention was to stay for a while just to resupply and sell your harvest. By the 50th cycle on the planet Ezra was itching to move on, needing to stretch his legs again.

He was sure you would be packed within the hour and ready to move on with him, just as it always was. That was when you shakily told him that you were ready to be rooted. The dangerous vagabond life had served you well for a thousand cycles, but you were aching for security. You’d anxiously told him you’d found a school of higher education that was interested in taking you on-- both of you.

He got so angry.

It killed him to think of it now.

He’d been so upset that you’d gone behind his back, looking for work when you had work already.

With him.

You’d calmly explained to him that your settled life absolutely included him. You didn’t want it without him.

He didn’t listen.

Why didn’t he ever listen?

He was so good at talking. Why hadn’t he taken just one day with you to talk about the situation? He’d owed you that. He’d owed you so much more than that and he couldn’t even deign to humor your desire to stay rooted.

He took off in the middle of the night, leaving his side of the bed a cold, empty space for you to wake up to. He left nothing of his behind and told you nothing about where he was going.

He did it out of pain and anger, feeling betrayed. It’d ended up only breeding more pain and anger in him, spending his nights thinking about how much he wished he wasn’t alone. He couldn’t imagine how much more betrayed you must’ve felt.

He’d wanted to return so long ago to make it right. He’d decided as soon as he set foot to ground that The Green was his last stop, no more than ten cycles. Ten so quickly turned to far more, wrench after wrench thrown in his plans.

It’d been so long now. He’d been stewing over this for so long.

There was no way you’d want to see him. There was no way you’d recognize him: physically, emotionally, or mentally. He was a different man now, one that he wasn’t entirely proud of. Even if you did take him back, he found himself insecure about the fact that he wouldn’t be able to hold you the same, that he struggled with daily tasks, that he’d just be a burden to your, surely, now steady life.

He knocked anyway.

There was light shuffling behind the door and then it was swung open in a moment of truth.

You froze.

He froze.

Ezra wasn’t often rendered speechless, but in this moment his vocabulary was simply not enough to express his frustration, his remorse, his ardent admiration, and utmost joy to be in your presence again. Words didn’t suffice, so he simply stood there. His eyes flicked over you, taking in your familiarity, the way you had hardly changed, only becoming more ethereal in the 200 cycles. He watched your eyes trail over his much different appearance, settling on his missing extremity for a second, just a second, though the sad look in your eyes lasted several seconds longer.

“Apologies,” he mumbled finally, helplessly, tears threatening to take over his vision for the first time in so long, “I shouldn’t have--” he backed away, starting back the way he came.

“Ezra,” your voice suddenly sounded behind him. It was so small and unsure, but not a question. It was a call. Distinctly a call for him to come back. He wouldn’t ignore that call for him a second time. It turned him back around immediately. And when his eyes met yours again it stopped every word that was about to come out of your mouth. “I--” You shook your head, unable to continue.

“A sentiment I concur with,” he gave a quick half-grin.

“Would you like to come inside?”

He could only nod, allowing you to lead the way. The space was largely unchanged, but with a few extra pieces of furniture to make it more liveable long-term. It was surprisingly nice like this. He could get used to it, if you would let him. You sat down on the couch that spread across the living space. His eyes, heavy lidded with physical and emotional exhaustion, asked for your permission to join and you patted the space next to you in response. He fell into it with a heavy sigh, closing his eyes for a moment before speaking.

“I do apologize most profusely for all the harm I’ve surely caused you. There were so many things I should not have done, first and most of all ever having left you in the first place.”

“Not now,” you cooed, “You look exhausted.”

“I must know if I could ever win your forgiveness.” You sighed.

“We’ll talk about this. We will. We’re going to have a lot to work through, you and me. You broke me.” His face was downcast as he took in those words. He was expecting them, but it didn’t make it any less hard to hear. “But I’m more than willing to work through this… Work for this.” His eyes shot back up to you instantly, too big and shining and hopeful for the life he’d seen. “But you look exhausted right now. Lay your head in my lap and try to get some rest,” you smiled a little sadly, “Like old times.”

“I am indeed fresh from The Green,” he murmured back, doing as commanded, “To have a soft place to lay once again is a luxury. But I fear I will not be a particularly pleasant companion at this time, birdie.” His words ended in a low hum as your hands so naturally returned to their old habits, threading their way through his hair.

“Well, you will be much more pleasant when you’re sleeping at any rate,” you teased. And he laughed. A real, hardy laugh.

“Oh how I’ve missed your endless wit, starlight,” he mused, eyes already drooping in response to the warmth and the calming motion of your fingertips against his scalp.

“And your unending loquaciousness, moon and stars. It’s been too quiet.”

“I will never allow this space to hear silence again, if you’ll let me.”

Taglist: @acomplicatedprofession @hdlynn @makaela27 @space-floozy @catfishingmorales @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa @princessbatears @synystersilenceinblacknwhite @findhimfives @dindjarindiaries @mistermiraclee

#ezra x reader #ezra prospect x reader #bri writes

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taechaos · 3 years ago

Note

Idea series oc sneaking Tae in the house after he had big fight with his father about something (your choice if it's smutty or fluff or angsty) with a peek of a vurberable Tae? Honestly i think he would change the topic as soon as he started it and prob with sex.

Anyway I'm really interest in their family dynamic since I remember don't know if it was in part one or two that you mention they have really religious parents? And seeing how harsh their dad is with Taehyung it have me wondering how is his relationship with the mother and ocs with both parents, despite everything the seem really distant from their kids, maybe thats why Tae and YN find comfort in each other. OC is the first real bond Tae made with someone so maybe that's the reason of his fear of being replaced and his obsession with her, and ocs mother probably don't pay that much attention to her so that's why even after the incident she still want him to be there. At this point I'm just rambling I'm sorry. And this ask is all over the place, started with a request and ended questioning characters life 💀💀. Sorry hehe.

when i read this yesterday i was literally blown away by this like hOLY shit your analysis is so in-depth at first i was like damn do my characters have more than oNE DIMENSION?? WHICH IS RLY FLATTERING BUT I THINK ITS JUST UR WORDS THAT MADE ME SOUND SMART 💀💀💀 the ending is chef's kiss tho made me bust a lung SHFJJD thank you so much for taking the time to write this its honestly so fucking amazing. hopefully u can see more of their family dynamic in this drabble :)

Rays of sunlight slither through the cracks in the blinds of the living room, allowing Taehyung's father enough light to scan the newspaper he holds in his hand, with the musical, happy chirping of mockingbirds filling in the silence. All of these beautiful signs of nature and peaceful rotation of the earth makes Taehyung tense up even more.

The moment he got back home from buying drugs, his father greeted him in monotone with a, "would you sit with me for a moment?" and he hasn't spoken since. The zipperbag in his pocket crinkles every time he shifts in his seat, making him cringe momentarily before he starts nervously fidgeting again.

This is so awkward and yet equivalent to hearing: we need to talk. God, why is he so silent?

Clearing his throat, Taehyung stands just as his father flips a page with a lick of his thumb. "I'm going to my room really quick."

"No."

"Oh." When will his step-mother return? She's his only hope as he sits down while avoiding looking at his father, whose gaze is set on the black and white printed pages.

It's only a minute later when he talks without diverting his gaze.

"Your sister is in her room, researching her major to get a headstart on a typical syllabus."

"Smart," he comments with disinterest and nibbles on his upper lip.

"Taehyung, how was your attendance in college?" he folds the newspaper and curiously peeks at his son, who is doing a poor job at hiding his nerves.

"It was alright–"

"Lying is a sin, son," his movements are aristocratic when he leans his chin on his fist. "Don't lie."

"I'm not," he stammers and his eyes flicker, "it was bad at the beginning of the year, but I fixed it."

His father pinches the bridge of nose where his frames lie. "I love your sister, Taehyung," he sighs and takes off his glasses, "I want her to do well. I've given up on you, but her? She can accomplish great things if you're not there to influence her. You're a bad influence. Are you following me?"

Taehyung nods dumbly with a racing heart before registering his words and shaking his head. "What?" he blurts. "I used to help her with her homework all the time–"

"You were home once every month."

"Just because you didn't see me doesn't mean I didn't see her," he coldly says. That's not entirely accurate, but it is true that he saw you more than he saw his parents before he started living here again. For you.

His father is taken aback, offended as he scoffs, "You avoided me and your mother, and yet have the face to stay in our home?" He stands up and passes the coffee table that was Taehyung's only barrier to hover over him with distance. "I expected so much more from you, but you can't even do the bare minimum. An adult without a stable job, respectable girlfriend, and embarrassing grades. I'm ashamed to have raised such a boy, for I can't even call you a man."

Taehyung abruptly stands but he continues, "If you can't even pay rent, go back to that landfill you came from."

"I have to pay rent to live with my family?" He's livid and his hands shake by his sides; they're taking you away from him because what? He isn't the son they wanted him to be?

"You've made it clear that the only thing keeping you here is my daughter," he blindly points at the closed door of your room, "and you will have to try much harder to see her again. Get your life together, and you can come back."

Taehyung's face is heated with anger from the injustice. "What the fuck?! This is such bullshit; you're kicking me out?"

His father frowns at his language, growling, "Taehyung! I will not let you drag her down that path with you. When you stop destroying everything you touch, I'll gladly let you live here."

Destroy? He hasn't done any harm to anyone—especially not you. He knows he's self-destructive, but it doesn't extend to his environment. If he fails, it's his failure, but his father takes it personally instead of encouraging him to do better.

The importance of reputation and success in this family enrages him; he's aware that he's not much of an affectionate person either, but a little love wouldn't hurt to witness in the household.

Instead of defending himself or speaking his mind, he obliges bitterly.

"You need to get laid," are his last words before he slams the door and opens the zipper bag to pop a pill. Ecstasy isn't so fun when you're not around, but he can use the distraction. It's been a bad day.

He flips off a stray cat idling around the garden before casually leaving the property.

—————

Studying isn't fun for you, never has been, never will be. Though you hate every second of it, it does give you something to do to make time pass faster. You've been tutoring yourself about things you'll learn sooner or later anyway, but you guess it doesn't hurt to have to study less when the time comes.

You check the time. It's approaching night at 9 PM, and your father wouldn't protest against a break now, hopefully. He only suggested that you should start studying, but you know what his suggestions really mean.

Do it, or get shamed into doing it with subtle glances.

As if that isn't enough, he constantly checked up on you throughout the day. He wasn't exactly giving you a choice, which irks you.

But that's done and over with, and there's a more pressing matter at hand: where is Taehyung? You heard bits and pieces of the argument, but you couldn't get the whole scoop. You worry he's going to go back to his old habits of never being here, rarely seeing you. He would've been hanging out with you six hours ago out of routine... It can't just be you being clingy. Something happened.

You: are you coming home tonight?

The response takes a few minutes.

taehyung: nop

taehyung: but i am coming to ur room

taehyung: cuz ik u cant sleep without me 😖

You: actually the opposite but ok lol

You: when are you coming

taehyung: whenever u want uwu

You: uwu...?

You: just come before it gets too late

—————

So that was a lie. It's 1 AM and still no word from Taehyung. Okay, maybe you're just being clingy now, but it's unlike him not to be clingy. Maybe he wanted to cool off for a long time after his tak with your step-dad, or simply wanted to hang out with his friends after spending all of his time with you.

That makes sense. What doesn't is the slide of your window and shuffling of your curtains. You instantly sit up in your bed and clutch your blanket closer. You watch a silhouette enter your room as you pick up your limp, your tense muscles relaxing only when you recognize the intruder. You put down the lamp with a click of your tongue, ignoring the relief in your pounding heart.

"Hey," he stupidly grins at you. He looks disheveled, clothes untucked and wrinkled, and from the little light you have, you can see his redshot eyes.

"There's also the door," you remark sassily. "Are you um... high?"

He shrugs and crawls in your bed, dismissive as usual. You both make an effort to keep your voices quiet.

"I talked to mom earlier," you ease into the discussion until he butts in.

"That's great."

You roll your eyes and prop an elbow to look down at him. His head lies on his hands while staring at you, mood strangely upbeat. He's definitely high.

"She was a little sad about something, and I know it involves you. I heard you talking to–" You're interrupted with a lingering peck, a little rough in its force but not unwelcomed.

"I've missed kissing you. Shouldn't you be asleep, by the way?"

Recovering from the unexpected attack, you reply, "It's not that late. I don't have to wake up early."

"You shouldn't ruin your sleep schedule," he tucks a hair strand behind your ear without taking his eyes off of you. "Staying up is hard to stop once you start."

"Yeah, you're a great example," you joke with a quiet giggle. Whispering with him feels intimate in a heart fluttering way. His heart pangs with a feeling he can't put a finger on. "You didn't answer my question."

"Hm?"

"Don't play dumb, I'm really curious. What happened with dad?"

"A lot of things happen with dad," he shrugs, "sometimes we play catch–"

"Taehyung," you give him a pointed look, and he giggles.

"You're right, he'd never play catch with me." He groans as he stretches in your bed before trapping you with his arms on either side of you in one motion. You don't know what he's trying to do, but you watch him above you in amusement. "No offence, but when is your mom not sad when my dad is around?" he laughs with a huff.

"That's rude, Tae," you remark seriously, "she's happy when you're around."

Taehyung's smile falters like yours, his happy guise crumbling when he says, "Are you?"

"Pfft," you roll your eyes, "What do you think? I was up waiting for you."

Ah. That's not a very good influence.

"I'm here now," he whispers, "go to sleep. It's okay, I won't do anything, I know you worked hard today."

You agree with a yawn and nod. But even in your sleepy state, you can read the room—Taehyung is especially attentive of his tone and volume aside from being so tense. "Are you alright?"

"I'm in and on ecstasy," he falls back on his former spot, "I can't not be alright."

"Taehyung, I haven't seen you all day–"

"Yeah, because I didn't want to be here," he looks at you dead in the eye, "and I don't want you to be here."

You blink rapidly, slightly shaking your head in confusion, "What are you saying?"

"Move in with me."

He's met with cold silence, so he persuades persistently, "Don't you want to get away from here? You'll have so much more freedom with me, and I can help you with your assignments and everything. It'll be perfect."

"I— do you... Where?" Taehyung is high and he doesn't know what he's saying is what you believe because this is so out of the blue, so irrational, but he describes it like it's utopia; you are not completely against the idea.

"I have enough money from drug dealing to rent an apartment, and you can tell dad that you want to move out to be like an adult or whatever, that you have a stable job, without mentioning me," he rambles, and his dilated pupils are more noticeable up close; it slightly puts you off.

"Wh-what about mom?"

He scoffs, "If she wants out, she can get her second divorce. Don't worry about them; after all, they're apparently the only real adults here," he relates back to not being worthy of being called a man. You shift away from him little by little. "Just trust me."

The phrase is triggering for you, a reminder of the time you were tricked into trusting him moments before your trauma. "We'll talk about this when you're sober," you meekly say, avoiding eye contact.

A wicked smile grows on his face, "I can't wait, princess."

#idea tae #*cue big time rush theme*#just gotta say this one last time #the analysis was so well written #its honestly a sight for sore eyes 😫

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roccinan · 3 years ago

Text

Deepest Regrets

Didn’t get the chance to do an actual Halloween story this time, so decided to write a quick drabble instead. This is an “angsty” story based on a very Deep and Serious conversation with @nharidy about Andres seeing the pain he caused Martin and gaining new insight into Martin’s tragic past (as well as a memory of his own).

TW: mentions of abuse, murder, and small talk

Bonus points to whoever can guess the name of this drabble’s surprise guest ;)

XXX

Andrés walked into the cluttered flat, sweeping his gaze over the destruction laid bare. Disarray. Disaster. All the evidence of Martín’s grief, a weighted sadness of which Andrés was the sole cause. It made something settle behind his breast, a seed of guilt. And guilt, Andrés had never once felt. Until now. He found himself breathless from the magnitude of his remorse.

And there, huddled among the never-ending bottles of beer and stench, Martín lay, a mask of dried tears on his face.

I did this to him, Andrés thought.

“Why are you still here?” Martín asked, hollow, the light dim in his eyes, “didn’t get a good enough laugh at me the first time? Martín Berrote, the idiot from Buenos Aires, your faithful lackey until you had your fun.”

Andrés winced, for Martín had never taken such a sharp tongue with him. Martín was a wounded animal then, and Andrés owed it to him to brace himself against those claws. Because he was the cause of that wound, and he knew his very presence only made the knife twist deeper.

“Martín, please-” Andrés crouched down beside him, settling into a position with crossing legs. “I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not enough,” Martín told him, the tears again flowing free, “you can’t just walk back into my life like nothing’s changed- you’re just the like the rest of the fucking world. Just like every other man in my life-”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Just like my mother.”

Martín’s mother was a sore subject, Andrés knew. She had been the cause of unimaginable pain in Martín’s life, and instead of healing the scars she left, Andrés had only made it worse.

“She would lock me in her underwear drawer,” Martín rasped, “and leave the house- if it could even be called a house- and come back, hoping I’d suffocated on her pantyhose.”

Andrés was at a loss for words. “That’s horrible. You didn’t deserve that.”

“No, I did.” Martín scoffed, but it sounded like a sob. He turned his back on Andrés. “Where’d you get that from? A greeting card. Don’t talk about what you can’t understand. My mother never even remembered my birthday, fuck, I don’t remember my birthday.”

“No, you didn’t deserve that. And you’re right,” Andrés said, softening his tone, “I wouldn’t understand. My mother loved me very much.”

He rubbed circles along Martín’s back, hoping the shorter man wouldn’t flinch away.

“And she always remembered my birthday,” Andrés continued, simply because he didn’t want the silence to leave them in grief, “when I was seven, she worked day and night to save up for my gift. In the end, it wasn’t enough for what I wanted, so she purchased a red-haired doll from the back alley. It was slightly damaged, but I loved that doll as if it was a real friend.”

He began wiping Martín’s tears, suddenly overcome with guilt at the pain he’d caused. “Then the doll stabbed our neighbors, tried to kill my mother, and tried to kill me, because he was possessed by the deranged soul of a dead serial killer. He kept trying to kill me until I was fifteen, framing me for at least fifty murders. Then he fell down an air vent. I think he was sliced to pieces. But last I heard, a woman stitched him back together and now he’s still terrorizing children somewhere else.”

Then Andrés didn’t bother elaborating or explaining what he just described. It wasn’t important to the matter at hand.

“It hurts so much,” Martín muttered, leaning into Andrés’ embrace, his body betraying him, “you have no idea the pain you put me through for the past ten years, the way you treated me- I can’t go back to that. Let me move on, Andrés.”

“Martín,” Andrés said, drowning in guilt, “there’s nothing I can do to make up for what I’ve done. But please- look at me one last time.”

And Martín did. Selflessly.

Outside his window, a two-foot tall doll with a kitchen knife was lurking around and occasionally shouting expletives. But Andrés didn’t think it was important-- some people simply kill other people to cope with their tragic pasts. Maybe his doll was one of those people. Thanks to Martín, he gained so much more insight and perspective into the human psyche. He really felt like a changed man. Even if Martín left him after tonight.

#drabble #happy halloween!#no there is nothing to elaborate asdfasdf

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