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snowe-zolynn-rogers · 11 months ago

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Chaos Is Among Us

Pairings: Eclipse/Polar, Kill Code/Glamrock Freddy, Lunar/Mini Music Man, Sun/Foxy (pre-relationship)

Word Cound: 1,155 Words

Summary: Unintentional bonding and the unholy act.

Warnings: Innuendo (mentioned) Sex (mentioned only), Creep (mentioned), Caps, Cursing, Death (mentioned only), Vomitting (mentioned only), let me know if I should add anything else.

Chapter 3: The Horrors

3:40am

Why Is This My Family?

Blood Moon: Why are both Mama and Dad and Peepaw’s rooms making loud noises?

Harvest Moon: Hey, @Moon, can we come over and visit? Maybe help with Plex patrol even?

Moon: Yeah, sure come on little ducklings.

Solar Flare: Thank you, my god that was awkward.

Moon: Why not just bang on the walls and tell them to keep it down?

Harvest Moon: Because that might involve telling Blood Moon what they’re doing.

Solar Flare: Yeah, and Blood Moon is the only one left with some kinda innocence and we don’t want to get rid of what’s left of it.

Moon: Makes sense. Just don’t go in Lunar’s room. He has Mini over. Mini is getting the railing of a lifetime.

Harvest Moon: Are all of you adults just sinners?

Moon: No, I’m asexual.

Solar Flare: No, you just commit crimes instead.

Moon: You got me there. But still. Sunny literally went out for ice cream and hasn’t come back for three hours now since I started my patrol. It’s quite funny, honestly.

Lunar: We’ve been done for a half hour, idiots.

Blood Moon: Done with what?

Lunar: Making loud noises. Yeah, it’s a game to see how loud you can be and Mini was winning. We played for two and a half hours and Mini still won.

Blood Moon: Ooh, is that the game Mama and Dad and Peepaw and Freddy are playing?

Moon: …Yes.

Sun: Wait, I can come home now without hearing the sound of the unholy?

Lunar: Yes, Sun.

Sun: Finally, I can stop hiding in Gator Golf.

Moon: Why are you bugging Monty? Are you two dating in secret or something?

Sun: What? No! Never! Monty and I are friends and he let me crash here to avoid Lunar and Mini Music Man’s unholiness. If anyone, I’m interested in Foxy.

Moon: You mean the guy who hit on me? That ancient little fleabag?

Sun: The very same.

Moon: Okay, who replaced Sun with a copy that’s completely lost its mind?

Lunar: Not it, I was busy.

Sun: Come on, his memory got reset, he doesn’t even remember hitting on you. And the new suit he got makes him much less of an ‘ancient little fleabag’.

Moon: I hate this family and I hate existing.

Harvest Moon: At least you’ve got your three ducklings free of sin, Uncle Moon.

Moon: Yeah fine, I’ll live for the ducklings.

Blood Moon: Can I be the cute duckling with a pink bow on my head?

Moon: Yeah, kid, we’ll get you a pink bow for your hair.

Sun: I have a box full of bows, c’mere kid.

Moon: Sun, that is the most creepy sentence you have ever written and I was there when you said ‘who wants candy until your parents come for pickup’. Please rethink your grammar choices.

Sun: LISTEN

Moon: NO

Sun: I’m allowed to spoil my grand-niece!

Moon: Not at the cost of sounding like a creepy uncle at a barbecue!

Blood Moon: Uncle Sunny, I’m here. Can I have my bow?

Sun: Yes, Blood Moon. I have a pretty pink one.

Sun: bloodmoonwithabowinherhair.jpg

Sun: Sending her back to you, Mama Duck Moon.

Moon: Hate that. Thanks.

Blood Moon: I GOT A BOW!

Solar Flare: It’s very pretty, sister.

Harvest Moon: You look adorable, twin.

Lunar: Ya look cute.

6:48am

Why Is This My Family?

Moon: @Eclipse @Polar I kidnapped your kids. This is a random note. I require coffee and bagels in exchange for the safe return of your kids that are all sleeping on me.

Eclipse: Oh shit.

Polar: Yeah, yeah, we’ll be over in an hour to collect the kids.

Kill Code: Oh my god, we scared the kids out of the house!

Lunar: Yeaaaaaah hearing your Mom and Grandpa getting railed does that. They’re safe, I’m currently taking pictures of Moon being trapped under your kids.

Eclipse: My god, they’re gonna need therapy.

Polar: We have attained coffee and bagels. We’re on our way up.

Kill Code: I’m on my way too.

Moon: Good, I’m getting lethargic you being out of my body so long.

Kill Code: I’m sorry!

Moon: Finally, hate you.

Kill Code: Listen, I forgot I wasn’t supposed to fall asleep! I was tired! I had my back blown out!

Moon: I don’t want to know this information.

Sun: Y’all are cursed. Your whole family is cursed. The adults at least.

Polar: I have acquired my daughter and sons, that’s all I care about.

2:25pm

Why Is This My Family?

Lunar: mynamespeteandilikejugsimmentallyillandimondrugs.gif

Moon: Lunar, that is so random, what?

Lunar: My therapist said I have something called ‘hd tv’.

Moon: …

Moon: You mean ‘adhd’?

Lunar: Yes, that’s the word! See, I wasn’t listening to Dr. Sheph again, I was zoning out thinking about the Saw movies again.

Moon: Lunar?

Lunar: Yes?

Moon: Listen to Dr. Sheph.

Lunar: Aw. Fine. But I’m still gonna talk about Saw during my therapy sessions and he can’t do nothing about it!

Moon: *long deep sigh*

Sun: Did you just really type out ‘long deep sigh’?

Moon: Yes, Sun, yes I did.

Sun: Alrighty then.

Eclipse: Hey samesies on the ADHD.

Lunar: I am now denouncing having ADHD.

Eclipse: Oh, come on!

Lunar: Nu-uh, don’t wanna bond with you over ANYTHING be happy I’m talking in a chatroom where you are.

Eclipse: Not even if I wanted to watch the Saw movies with you?

Lunar: …

Lunar: I’m bringing over my disk set of all ten movies, you better set up fast, you discount soggy Dorito chip. This will take 16 hours and 11 minutes minimum with no pauses.

Eclipse: Getting everything ready. Polar, GET OUT!

Polar: I’ve been evicted in favor of gore movies.

Lunar: You can join if you want.

Polar: Nah. I don’t handle gore well.

Lunar: Then yeah, stay the fuck out.

Polar: Guess I’m stealing the guest room tonight then.

Moon: You’re weird, Polar.

Lunar: Don’t make it sound like you didn’t puke watching them the first time.

Moon: Listen! Some of them got me yeah. Especially Valentina. And Joyce.

Lunar: You better shut up about Valentina and Joyce before I shut you up. No spoiling Eclipse!

Eclipse: I have no clue who those people are, I’m just happy to spend time and bond with you over ADHD.

Lunar: …I’ve been bamboozled by my hyperfixation into *gag* spending time with you.

Eclipse: We’ll you can’t leave now, the first movie’s already playing and you said you’d show me the movies.

Lunar: Alas.

6:41am

Why Is This My Family?

Moon: Sooooooo

Moon: How did bonding goooooo?

Eclipse: New hyperfixation! New hyperfixation!

Lunar: It was nice watching the movies again with someone who doesn’t throw up watching them.

Moon: Listen, I’ve apologized seven times now for throwing up on you during the Valentina scene. I’m sorry! At least we weren’t in a theater and I cleaned it up!

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lexcellence · 1 year ago

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BANSHEE???? THE COP?????

look, i went from the available choices, and my vote went to Beto anyway

Let's break these choices down, yeah?

Cyclops - tl;dr There are specific periods of time where Scott is "hot," and the vast majority of the time he isn't! Is he my blorbo? Yes. Do I run a sideblog where the header is his Foxy Grandpa Ass jutting out? Of course. Can I vote him in good conscience? I don't think so.

Colossus - the man spent how much time trying to fuck a fourteen year old? He heard Mutants were moving to a sex cult island and was baffled because his dead pal Jeff was a human. Pass.

Gambit - not even with Rogue's dick.

Wolverine - I only barely believe he can find the clit, and have ZERO confidence he could locate my prostate, and I'm unsure enough about his grooming habits that I wouldn't willingly put any part of myself in any part of him. Pass.

Iceman - Closeted Iceman? Maybe. But out Iceman is an overcompensating baby gay written almost exclusively by straight dudes, and I have a strict policy of never touching white gays who have "BBC" in their search history.

Warren Kenneth Worthington the Third - do you know what happens to Angel's love interests? I'd rather not be hatecrimed by Cameron Hodge for a few sweaty minutes of underwhelming halfhearted bottoming from a princess who provides the own stuffing for his pillows. Keep flying, birdboy.

Nightcrawler - I know, I know, the man is a sex icon, but I'm not getting involved in any of that family drama. If it's not his evil lesbian moms trying to kill me, it'd be his step-sisters trying to get back in his spandex. Not worth it, especially after all that shit in Way of X.

Havok - Matt Fraction's Clint Barton: The Mutant Flavor???? Listen, I adore a broken man who knows his place as much as the next nigga, don't get me wrong, but if I'm not picking Scott, I'm definitely not picking his Luigi.

I do appreciate his commitment to the bit, though.

Banshee - let's jump back to Cyclops for a minute. Without getting into shipping war bullshit, most of the times he's been "hot" are when he's playing off of Emma Frost, right? Emma's tertiary mutation is the ability to make everyone else more interesting just by association, because she's fucking great. I mean I just read an Iron Man book for her, for fuck's sake. Back in the 90's, when she was newly not-evil, she and Banshee were essentially the co-leads of Generation X, a book that, when it wasn't being the New New New Mutants, about two unreasonably sexy people who couldn't stand each other being unreasonably sexy at each other. Even putting that aside (and if you read a few issues, you'll get it), the man's spent decades dedicated to flying around with his tits out due to mysterious clothing damage, amd I appreciate that.

Sunspot - look, I fixated on him when I was nine, as the only character I could find who was like me at all, and that was ignoring all the gay subtext with his best friend even before it turned into outright queerbaiting. I grew up with him, and he's only gotten better since then. He's the only dude in my top 5 muties. He's flawless (give or take bad taste in men and a propensity for being whitewashed), he's perfect, he's hilarious, he's my vote AND yours, he's Sunspot.

Cannonball - in my seminal 2020 fic, "How Many Times Would You Say You've Been In Love," I summed Beto's Best Boy up thusly:

Sam laughed, a quiet, gentle, chuckle that crinkled the corners of his eyes, not that Roberto could bring himself to look at them. Instead his own eyes travelled everywhere else, from Sam's mess of a mop, to his strong jaw, to the gap in his front teeth, his okay-for-a-white-boy lips, the freckles that covered his nose, and ending up…

Do I love Sam as a character? Absolutely, he's one of the best. But he's not hot, he's a lapse in taste. Love conquers all, they say. 😔

Bishop - as one of exactly two Black men the poll listed, I want to give Bishop his flowers, but I have never read a good Bishop story where he wasn't awful. No baby gays, but no self-hating Black genocidaires, either.

#x men

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daily-davenport · 6 years ago

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(Side B) Today’s Davenport reuses the same joke and wants to bogo away.

[image description: three monochromatic panels. In the first, Taako gestures angrily at Merle, looking chuffed in a shirt that reads, “Foxy Grandpa”. Taako yells, “LUP WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS??” Merle replies, “Cause I’m foxy.” Lup laughs her head off and says, “IT WAS ON SALE!” Panel two is split into two panels, the first has Taako reacting to Davenport walking by his elbow and in the second, Taako has leaned down with his hands on Davenport’s arms. During these panels he says, “Dad’nport. Alright, Cap’n listen up this is the most important mission. of. your. life. You need to get Merle’s shir-”, as Taako glances down at what Davenport is wearing, “...t.” Panel three, Taako is holding Davenport up to reveal Davenport is also wearing the “Foxy Grandpa” shirt. Taako hollers, “LUP I”M GOING TO GO FERAL.” Davenport looks inconvenienced and says, “Good morning Lup. Thank you for the shirt again.” Lup is crying as she laughs and explains, “IT WAS A 2 FOR 1 SALE.”

#daily davenport #davenport taz #lup tacco #Taako Tacco the Wizard (y'know from tv?)#merle hitower highchurch #taz balance #thezonecast #213.5 #mod podge #okay back to requests now #I couldn't decide on which version of this joke get off my floor

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rovvboat · 6 years ago

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Painted Flaws - Colossus/Piotr Rasputin x villian!Reader

Part 5

A/N: Let me know how you feel about this series!

Word count: 2.6k

Warnings: nothing too outlandish

Summary: You’re a villian with a moral grey area. You meet Piotr at an art exhibit, but both of you are there for completely different reasons. Though the attraction was inevitable, will it be enough? A growing passionate love wrought with secrecy, both of you try to move through this maze. But when the ball drops, what will you choose?

The sound of boots – thudding against the wet slippery tarmac of the alleyway – fills the sullen, dripping midnight air; illuminated by nothing but the street lamps, up high against the red-bricked walls of the two buildings – pipes slithering across the side – grimy and worn over with age.

The rain had resided into a light drizzle – the raindrop only serving to make the icy air that much more unbearable. Cable retracts his umbrella, retrieving the tracking device from his thick grey slacks, as he scans around the area for signs of the tracker chip.

Deadpool prances around him, splashing through the small puddles Cable had made a point to avoid. Deadpool’s hands come to rest over Cable’s shoulders, followed by a lighthearted, sashaying comment.

‘’Somebody’s a little tense in the ass today,’’ he slaps Cable’s ass, prompting an annoyed growl, and a sharp glare from the man.

Cable paces down the alley, as the beeping from the tracking device intensifies – getting faster and faster.

He looks up, only to find the same empty alleyway – save for the dumpster – in front of him.

‘’Where the fuck could that motorcycle be…’’

As he walks past the dumpster, the beeping becomes furious – making him stop in his tracks. The dark void [jb1] of the dumpster reveals itself – as Cable carefully lifts the lid up with the umbrella – the seeming emptiness of it lightly cast under the yellow shades of the streetlamps illuminates the outline of a beaten down and robbed-of-its-parts motorcycle; but the handlebars and the insignia of a skull were hard to miss.

‘’Guess we have our horse. The rider should be near.’’ Cable smirks to himself.

‘’Listen, I know you’re from the country and all – but no one is going to understand your horse metaphors.’’

‘’She’s close by, pea-for-brains.’’

Cable reaches in to grab the handlebars and the license plate, throwing the handle bars at Deadpool before carefully running the plate numbers. He holds down the comms device in his ear – ‘’NTW, looks like we have a trail. Run these numbers for me’’

‘’Will do.’’ A disembodied voice – NTW’s – answers back in the comms immediately.

‘’Oh, so when Foxy Grandpa here asks for something, he immediately gets a response. But when I ask for nearest steak house, you leave me on radio silence!’’ Wade whines, as the both of them head back to their rumbling car, as the smoke from the exhaust rises against the gently dropping rain – starting up before disappearing into the night.

***

You feel the sudden waft of cool air tickle your toes, making you instinctively jerk your feet up and back into the warm safety of your blankets. The movement wakes you up enough to sense the broad, rising and falling chest that your arm was draped over. Your face was close to his, the heat radiating off his body like a restful fireplace.

From your position, you could see the window, the changing colour of the sky, an angel blue rising over the horizon.

You hold Piotr’s body close to you, snuggling against his clavicle – and the movement stirs him awake, as he takes in a sharp breath.

‘’…. hmm?’’ a soft sound escapes from him, as he slowly shifts around to face you.

‘’I didn’t say anything,’’ you murmur, after a light chuckle.

‘’Is that so?’’ his voice was gruff from sleep, almost a statement more than a question – his body sways around, and now you were on your back, as his large palm glides over your hips, under your shirt – stopping just short of your breasts.

You smile at the little gesture – giving him a mischievous smirk before pulling his hand up higher, just enough to cup your breast, putting a hand over his and closing it into a squeeze.

Piotr rumbles a laugh, his smile with teeth showing, as he nudges his nose against your neck – not making any effort to move his hand from its new spot. He places a kiss on your neck, leaving butterflies in your stomach, as you both drift off again.

***

The morning sun came way too quickly for either of your likings. Piotr’s phone had woken the both of you up, as it buzzed against the wooden bedside table.

He takes in a hissing breathe, mildly annoyed by the intrusion. You’d been awake before him, relishing in the feeling of his body sidled against yours – hand still cupped softly over your breast – in the gentle silence of the morning, when the ringing made you turn your attention.

Piotr seemed to take a few seconds to make any sort of moves to answer the phone – reveling in the last few moments with you before duty called.

‘’You should probably get that,’’ you say, your voice still low-slung from sleep, as you trace roundabouts down the bare smooth skin of his back, feeling the ridges and tension, as he moves to prop himself up on his elbow, lowering a soft kiss onto your forehead, before sitting his body up and against the edge of the bed.

A radioed voice speaks to Piotr – not even a hello uttered – prompting a string of hums and okays from him. He gets up to wash up, still on the phone, and comes back to bed as you wait for his phone call to be over

‘’I’ll be there as soon as I can. I appreciate the good work. See you at the man– … station,’’ he stutters, as he looks back to you. Your body was turned away from him, and he let out a soft sigh of relief.

Once you hear the phone’s gentle thud on the table, you turned around to face Piotr – his back still towards you. You wrap yourself over his shoulder, smothering your head into his neck from behind as he chuckles a low rumbling laugh.

‘’Do you have to go?’’ you ask, disappointed at the prospect of Piotr having to leave so early in the morning.

‘’Da. I’m sorry. I really so wish I could stay a little longer…’’ He seemed as disappointed as you were – and you didn’t want him feeling sad as he was leaving.

You nudge him backwards, repositioning your body in front of him as his body fell back onto the bed, with you straddling over his waist – cupping his face, your hands pulling him into a kiss.

His body concedes to all your whims – thankful, even, for the wonderful show of affection.

The longing even before the leaving of a lover.

He’s surprised by his own thoughts, Piotr. The way you made poetry come so easily to him – someone who never thought words were enough to express the things he felt in his heart.

When your lips leave his – much too soon – his deep blue eyes regard you with a tenderness that could bring the greatest forests to its knees.

You become bashful in the spotlight of his attention, not knowing what to say in the moment; you laugh nervously – as his hand tucks a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

‘’Piotr?’’

‘’Da?’’’

You laugh again. You didn’t know why exactly you said his name. Maybe it was your way of bringing him back to the present.

He reciprocates your laugh. ‘’In Russia, we have saying… smekh bez prichiny - priznak durachiny.’’

‘’Oh? What does that mean?’’ You ask, curious at this sudden connection to his language.

He laughs to himself, almost as if he had an inside joke with himself.

You smile with a frown crossing your face, incredulously waiting for him to answer you.

‘’It means… ‘laughter without a reason is a sign of a fool’, ‘’ he promptly giggles as he watches your eyes widen in shock. You swat at his arm as you playfully push him off the bed.

‘’I THINK it’s time for you to leave, Mr. Rasputin.’’

Piotr relents and stands off the side of the bed, laughing as he goes into the bathroom to get changed.

***

‘’Welcome back, chrome-dome! How was the sleepover? Did ya feel good? Cos whilst you were out there getting pegged or whatever, we have been busting our asses off tryna find our little friend here,’’ Deadpool points to the blurry, screen-capped picture of a masked person on a bike – just as Piotr walks into the mansion.

‘’Give him a rest, dickface,’’ Cable rises, ‘’Colossus, we ran the license plate number… and it belongs to someone who lives on this address–‘’ Cable passes a slip of paper to Piotr– ‘’but when we paid them a visit, turns out they’re a 70-year-old senior who’s been dead for 2 years,’’ Cable informs with a snark undertoned with his annoyance.

‘’Our gal’s nifty. Left a paper trail that goes nowhere. NTW is tracking more street cams to see if she left the scene on foot or on another vehicle. She’s found the street our little friend walked down. Does it ring any bells to you?’’ Cable shows a hologram of a pixelated woman walking down the street, disappearing off the street as she gets into a car.

‘’Stop,’’ Piotr notices something in the background, ‘’please zoom in on that building.’’

Cable obliges, flicking the fingers against the screen, bringing the building closer and closer until the name of the shop comes into view.

Bert’s Flower House

Piotr acknowledges what he had initially suspected.

‘’I know that flower shop.’’

***

‘’I’ve got a job for you.’’

‘’Go figure.’’

Demetrius had sent a messenger to meet at your designated meeting location, informing you about an important transfer.

And here you were, at some shady shipping dock, waiting for Demetrius to give you details on the transfer. The whole scene – rocky harsh waves crashing and rocking the boats as the winds howled in the background – was like something out of a crime novel.

He wasn’t alone this time. His goons were with him, one on each side – armed with rifles and hidden knives.

You were smart enough to come armed and armoured. You had connections with manufacturers who made specialized clothing that were bulletproof. You also had small weapons in your arsenal that could give you time to escape any situation. Demetrius would sometimes call you his ‘one-man army’.

He takes a deep puff of his cigar before speaking.

He motions to the suitcase sitting on the table in front of him.

‘’This here, my girl, is our most prized possession. Worth trillions and trillions. And every government and their mums want their hands on it. What I need you to do is deliver it to Mr. Synder.’’

‘’Him? I thought you hated him.’’

Demetrius laughs. ‘’Excellent deduction, child, but in this business, hate has no place where money should be.’’

You cringe at how nonchalant his greed manifests into righteous speeches.

He gives you more details before dismissing you. The suitcase was to be delivered within 48 hours – at your convenience, which gave you more leeway than you thought to get your own plan set in motion.

***

On your way back home, you decide to pay D.K. a visit at his school.

You come to a stop outside his school’s front gate on your new motorcycle, the unmistakable crunching of new rubber on the tarmac was something you’ve missed.

You see him waiting for the bus at the bus stop up ahead and pull up closer to him, grabbing his attention as you pull off your helmet.

‘’Hey kid. Need a ride home?’’

The smile that lit D.K.’s face when he saw you as you removed your helmet was better than you had imagined.

You bring him to a nearby diner – mostly because you had to let him in on the plan you had for him.

His family had to be displaced due to him getting into trouble with your organization, and you felt wholly responsible – but the moment they figured out D.K.’s latent X-gene, you swore to keep him away from any sort of experimentation.

It was 4 years since that move, and you made sure he had a place to stay for the time being, but you’d always been a looming presence – a safety net – for him.

You had him enrolled into law school when he expressed interest in helping you out – mainly to get the boys who had gotten entangled with Demetrius get out of jail.

The waiter sets down a plate with a sizzling steak 2 times the size of your palm, followed by a hot bowl of fries, in front of D.K.

He looks at the steak, then back at you.

‘’I didn’t know today was my birthday,’’ he asks incredulously.

‘’Ha. Ha. Ha. Is that what they teach at law school? Snark?’’

‘’Yeah, it’s a core module. And I have the highest GPA.’’

You swat the side of his head playfully, as he starts chowing down on his meal. You wait for him to finish, stirring your cup of coffee as you watch the bustling street through the window.

The heavy grey clouds had been taking their time – their gloom still lingering on the ice-cold pavement, punctuated with puddles that little kids would purposefully step on, much to their parent’s disapproval.

You look back to D.K., and you wonder if he hates you for being part of the reason he’s in this predicament. He somehow notices your staring, and looks up – his loud chewing now stopped.

‘’Do you need something? Why are you staring at me, huh? I owe you something?’’

‘’GOD, would you just Shut. Up.’’

This was one of the things you loved about your relationship. You knew he was a bright kid when you first decided to take him under your wing – just needed the right resources. But he was also the most annoying and snarky, as-close-to-having-a-little-brother as you could get.

You smirk at him for a moment, but it fades when you realise that this arrangement can’t last for too long anymore.

‘’Hey. We need to get moving along. Your passports and documents are all settled. My Boss is on the move as well, and I can’t risk another incident with him finding you. He knows you’re nearby, which is reason enough for me to send you away as far as possible.’’

D.K. stops eating, avoiding eye contact as he stares blankly into his half-empty milkshake cup, rocking it on its base like a grumpy teen.

You knew what it was. Separation anxiety.

‘’Listen, kiddo. Your family is back there waiting for you. And they want so desperately for you to come back home…’’ You let your hand find his, and give him a firm squeeze.

He finally looks at you. ‘’I know. I just… I don’t want to leave you. You’ve spent so much time taking care of me, and trying to take care of everyone your shitty boss ruined… who’s here caring for you?’’

His words strike you hard. But you knew you’ve always had the answer for it. Just never the question.

‘’I’m not a good person. There’s a lot to me that you don’t know. This is just me, trying to make amends to my past. My goals are heavy, and so are the means to get there. I don’t want any more collateral damage.’’

‘’But you care. You could leave right now if you wanted to.’’ He asserts, his voice almost croaking.

‘’D.K. stop. I know what I’m doing, and I don’t need you to lecture me on this.’’ You keep your voice stern; there were still things he didn’t know about what your plans were.

‘’I can’t risk you, D.K. They know about your X-gene.’’

‘’That’s the other thing. Can I become an X-Man?’’ He asks, half-jokingly.

‘’Only if you wanna die and come back to life, like, five times minimum.’’

‘’Sounds sick.’’

You swat the side of his head again, before moving out of your booth to pay for the meal. You drop D.K. off at his student dorm before heading for the transfer site.

***

‘’If we get to – ‘’

NTW’s sentence is cut off by loud, incessant alarm bells blaring across the mansion, kicking the team into high alert.

Cable brings up his techno arm, tapping at it, when the scene of the city comes to view on a hologram, with the sound of a news report in the background.

‘’BREAKING NEWS. A swarm of sentinels have descended upon the city near Upper East Side, 2nd avenue, attacking nearby buildings. Civilians are told to steer clear of the area and follow orders from the authorities as they try to take hold of the situation.’’

Colossus looks to Yukio, then to Cable and Wade – then straightens up.

‘’We have job to do now, the mystery lady can wait.’’

_____________________________________________________________

Taglist! @emma-frxst @fluffymadamina @candle-light-writings

#piotr rasputin x reader #colossus x reader #deadpool #deadpool imagine #piotr rasputin imagine #marvel fanfiction #colossus #deadpool 2 colossus #painted flaws

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fungifanart · 6 years ago

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Castlevania reactions: Episode 2

“Will you leave my testicles alone?!” *PFFFFFFFFT*

GOD yes, Foxy Grandpa’s not screwing around even though he’s drunk! I love it!

Oh my god, he’s like that dirty hobo uncle that you’re parents begrudgingly let you hang out with because you like being around him!

O-oh that’s awkward. They stole a baby.....

Okay, THIS is just unsanitary.

O-KAY, that water ain’t safe, if you could even call it that.

But hobo grandpa’s still going for it!

God, his nose is gonna be dead by the end of this

Oh. I thought that guard was dead XD

*singing* It’s too coooooooold for you here~

I-I see......

I like how they’re just CASUALLY trying to untie the entrails from their shop-posts

AWWWWWW, he’s so hungry! Poor sweet baby!

“The sleeping soldier.” CAPTAIN AMERICA?!

Of COURSE this bishop hates Captain America, why WOULDN’T he?

Um. What’d this old man do?

Listen dude, just ‘cause you don’t like Captain America doesn’t mean you gotta get in this old man’s face about it

Buddy. Pal. Friend-not-so-friend-o-mine. I didn’t want to invite such a carnal deity into my home, but...........do you wanna have a bad time?

OOOOOOOO, GOT HIS FINGER! NICE!!!

OOOOOO, WHAT IS IT WE GON’ DO, GAMER???

(At this point, I tried to space things out a bit so I could spend more time actually WATCHING the show)

This old man GETS IT. HE. GETS. ME.

Oooooooo pretty boy! Here to call you out on your bullsh*t!

Bringing up Captain America again. No, I get it! He’s hot!

Unfortunately, the people turning a blind eye to the evil exploits of those in power is just as common now as it was back then.

Dang, hobo grandpa doesn’t give ANY f*cks

..........huh.

#castlevania reactions #castlevania netflix #castlevania #gore tw #text post #why is this mushroom spouting nonsense?

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ecofinisher · 6 years ago

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Day 24: Gentle (NathanielxVolpina)

Day 24: Gentle

Ship: Nathaniel Kurtzberg and Miss Vixen (Volpina)

@mlrarepairmonth

A gray stone-made creature was climbing up the Eiffel Tower with one hand, while he had his other hand stretched out with a redheaded teenage boy with a black kippah covering the back part of his hair.

“Ivan please let me go or I’m late for my bar mitzvah. This is very important to me and my grandparents.” The boy pleaded causing the monster to growl.

“I’m Stoneheart!” Shouted the monster scaring Nathaniel. “Your biggest nightmare”

“I don’t know why you’re angry. I thought we both were friends”

“You know why I’m angry, don’t lie to me!”

“I really don’t know it, Ivan! Trust me I’m not lying!”

“Liar!” Yelled Stoneheart shrieking Nathaniel.

“Is it because I found Kagami sung better than Rose?” Asked Nathaniel. “I thought we all had agreed Kagami would do the calmer verses?”

“No!”

“Why are you then angry at me?” Asked Nathaniel, then saw a yo-yo grabbing the fist, where Nathaniel was stuck and both looked at the side to see a heroine in a red tight suit with black dots over her belly zone and her arms, her taille was colored the same dark tint as the circles.

“Lady Red help me!” Yelled Nathaniel, then Stoneheart tried to shake the heroine off by shaking his tied up fist. “Stop it, I’m getting sick”

“Hold on Nathaniel…..We get you out of this”

“Who is we?” Asked Stoneheart looking at the heroine with the short haircut. “Oh your pussycat,” Stoneheart said looking down at the Eiffel Tower seeing Chat Noir jump up with his stab up at his head.

“Good Afternoon The Rock” Greeted Chat Noir with a chuckle, then knocked with the baton on the monster’s head.

“Chat help me!” Cried Nathaniel seeing the hero swing his baton with his hand.

“Hey, my friend, why do you want to hurt him?” Asked the blonde hero. “Aren’t you two like best friends or something?”

“I think it’s my fault, but I don’t know what I did to cause him to get akumatized,” Nathaniel said, then he widened his eyes as he had a quick flashback of him sitting on the stairs reading on his tablet, then Ivan talked to him and got shooed away by a moody redhead.

“I hope your sudden absence is you remembering what happened,” Chat said jumping closer to the hand, that held Nathaniel.

“I remember now,” Nathaniel said followed by Chat Noir lose his balance and fall down with the stick.

“Chat!” Shouted Lady Red and the Cat themed hero extended his stab, which then got stuck between Stoneheart’s foot and the iron of the Eiffel Tower.

“Get off, get off!” Demanded Stoneheart moving his feet, then Chat disappeared into the bars of the Eiffel Tower and watched up the beast looking up at Lady Red.

“Stoneheart listen to me. Drop your friend Nathaniel down, whatever he did to you. He didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, is it right Nathaniel?”

“Yes!” Yelled the scared boy. “I was strained the past two months, because of my bar mitzwa. I’m sorry I yelled at you before at the school”

“Is this difficult for you?” Asked Stoneheart the Jewish boy, that could barely shrug inside the hand of the villain.

“With the band and the school it’s a little too much,” Nathaniel said quietly, due to the strength of the akuma’s hand.

“Stoneheart careful, Nathaniel is barely breathing” The Japanese descendant heroine mentioned shrieking the akuma, which opened the hand to let the boy fall down, then shrieked as Nathaniel slipped out of his hand.

“No!” Shouted Stoneheart holding his hand out trying to catch the boy, but he couldn’t reach his arm far down.

“Heeeeeeelp!” Cried Nathaniel as he was falling to his dead, but before he passed by the big arc of the Eiffel Tower its legs an orange dressed heroine flew under the tower catching the boy and moving up in the air, making the terrified Nathaniel open his eyes and look up at the superheroine, that was carrying him on her arms.

“Miss Vixen!” Nathaniel said turning red as he recognized the woman in the fox-themed super suit.

“Are you alright?” Asked Miss Vixen flying up at the first level of the Eiffel Tower landing on the platform with the boy in her arms. Miss Vixen held the boy nearly in bridal style, while he was clammed with his arms behind her back shivering a bit due to having stood nearer to death than he ever did in his life before. “Everything is fine now Nathaniel” Miss Vixen assured smiling softly at the short boy, that got redder on his face, than his hair pigments.

“T….t….thank you M...Miss Vixen” The boy thanked earning a smile from the heroine, who as well tarnished a little red on her cheeks.

“You’re welcome, pretty boy” Miss Vixen responded with a giggle at the sight of the boy, then they rolled their eyes away from each other in embarrassment and Chat Noir passed by with his staff, then jumped with the help of it at the side of the iron bars of the tower, then changed looks with the brunette heroine.

“Hey foxy, are you coming too?” Asked the black leather dressed blonde earning a nod from the girl.

“I’m coming, don’t worry” Answered the heroine, then looked at Nathaniel down, who got neutral at the heroine having to leave for her job.

“Are you going to the others?” Asked Nathaniel earning a nod from the heroine.

“I have to”

“Okay,” Nathaniel said and Miss Vixen dropped him down on his feet carefully.

“You’re going to be okay?” Asked Miss Vixen passing her thumb through Nathaniel’s bang to see clearer his seafoam green eyes.

“I’m probably just going to be late for my bar mitzvah” Replied Nathaniel. “I also need to get my grandfather’s tallit for me to use it later. He said he would love me to use it”

“Aww you’re a sweetie” Miss Vixen complimented making Nathaniel feel sheepish.

“Yeah….” Nathaniel replied scratching the back of his neck.

“Miraculous Ladybug!” Shouted Lady Red up on the Eiffel Tower, then the healing light passed around the Eiffel Tower and the city to restore everything Stoneheart had damaged including some dents on the iron from the monument.

Lady Red carried herself and Ivan with the yo-yo landing on the same level as Miss Vixen and Nathaniel were, then walked with the tall boy at the redhead.

“You two need to talk with each other” Lady Red said to the two boys, that got embarrassed at the presence of the two heroines.

“I….uhm….I’m sorry, that I yelled at you before when I was practicing my Hebraic for the bar mitzvah. I should not have talked in that tone with you”

“And I’m sorry I overreacted” Apologized Ivan too. “I should have understood, that you have to practice it when you’re going to read it in front of everyone”

Both guys gave each other their hands accepting each other apologies, then Lady Red and Miss Vixen gave each other a high five.

“Girl Power!” Both girls shouted, then Chat Noir appeared walking at them holding his right fist to Miss Vixen earning a fist bump, then he gave another one to Lady Red.

“I would like to stay a bit longer, but I got fencing lessons….you know….so that I can fight better with my staff,” Chat said scratching the back of his head.

“I gotta go too,” Lady Red said looking at the two boys. “I hope your bar mitzvah goes well Nathaniel”

“Thank you” The redheaded boy said observing Lady Red walking away together with Chat Noir, then before Lady Red left with her yo-yo she sent her partner an air kiss and disappeared leaving the blonde gazed at her moving over the buildings, after she was gone he was next leaving the place leaving Miss Vixen back with the two boys.

“You have to go now Nathaniel or you’re late for your bar mitzvah” Ivan mentioned earning a nod from the turquoise eyed boy.

“Yes and first of all I need to get to my grandfather’s house to get the tallit,” Nathaniel said making Miss Vixen smile and extend her hand out to the Jew.

“I still got time, if you want I can bring you to your grandpa and to the synagogue” Suggested the vixen heroine surprising Nathaniel.

“Really?” Asked the boy gazing at the forest green eyes of the heroine. The heroine rolled her eyes down getting flustered by the look she got from the guy. “If you really don’t mind to”

Miss Vixen nodded after Nathaniel had agreed to her company, then she grabbed him, lying him down in her arms, smiling at the boy, which mirrored her back then she took a sprint on the tower’s platform and jumped up in the air flying with the boy in her arms towards the French Metropolis to met Grandfather Kurtzberg.

#tomatofox #miraculous #miraculous rarepair month #Volpina #nathanael kurtzberg #nathaniel kurtzberg #lila rossi

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shiny-jr · 4 years ago

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Um... How interesting?

Vil stalking me?? Yeah, he’ll probably just subtly insult me while giving beauty advice then watch my barely active social media accounts.

Cater flirting, I— 😳 I love but he’s so social and I wouldn’t handle it 😞

Rook just... He has NO RIGHT to be so charming. 😳😳😳 How dare he. He’s annoying but at the same time I like his funny words and accent and he’s pretty and delightful and— 😡😡 I would be nice, listen to his confession, and hold his hand once maybe more.

Yeah, chances of getting away from Lilia foxy grandpa are slim to none...

Jack would make me cry. He’s nice and all but his serious attitude would scare me and it doesn’t help that he’s one of the tallest most intimidating dudes there.

Azul sending gifts?? Yes, please, they’re probably all stuff I want too. Just hope that he doesn’t say I have to pay for it somehow later just to get what he wants.

Sebek would try to kill me. I’m sorry but I cannot see us getting along and I would do something stupid that sets him off and makes him snap.

Eh, I’m okay with Silver I mean we have some similarities but that’s it.

Twisted Wonderland (Yandere ver.) click and drag game!

warnings: flashing images, Yandere behavior (stalking, kidnapping, killing)

Game notes • How to Play

Please use a browser other than Google Chrome to play because thr GIFs always lock onto their first fram on Chrome. Safari and Firefox work, please try those

If you're on mobile, screenshot the GIFs either as a set or individually

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geezerfist-blog · 7 years ago

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HC TIME CUS IM A SAP FR STUFF LIKE THIS

so. its common knowledge that takeshi is a foxy grandpa, alright. hes OLD. what yall DONT KNOW.

is that he LOVES

FRANK SINATRA.

has vinyl records, and a thing to play em on. when hes feelin particularly down (disappointing fight, maybe ?) he plays it around his home and just fuckin, SCREAMS the lyrics out sometimes, if hes REALLY feelin it okay. sometimes its just normal singing, but he likes to be LOUD. its his THING.

the best part is that he doesnt know a LICK of english

so hes just saying these words, no idea what the HELL they mean, but he loves it, an d its totally his jam, cus hes an old coot like that, and it just helps him feel better tbh

he listens to more modern, electronic/rock/metal heavy music when exercising/training, but for the most part he LOVES to listen to anything frank sinatra, sometimes even other american bands from the 50s/40s. hes just LIKE that.

#〘 dive in guns ablazing (headcanons) 〙#and still. hes just hot yknow.#i want u all to know that as often as possible #that i find this mfer super. yknow. hot.

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havendance · 7 years ago

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Still Alive

My entry for day 7 of kwami swap week. In which I sort of continue day 1.

“Once upon a time, long, long, ago, there was a turtle who fell in love with a butterfly.

“When he was with her, the entire world seemed bright and beautiful, just like she was. He spent all of his time with her and when they were together, he was so happy that every day felt like it would never end.

“But after a couple weeks the butterfly died, and the turtle had to keep on living without her. Time passed, he found many other people he loved, one or two of them were even butterflies too, but none of them could replace the his butterfly, the one he had loved. So the turtle kept trudging through life, seeing and experiencing much, but always mourning the love he had lost.”

“That’s a sad story, Grandpa.”

“Sometimes life is sad.”

“What if I don’t want to listen to sad stories?”

“If you want to inherit the turtle miraculous one day, you have to understand that you will life twice over. You will watch everyone you know die. That is the price you must pay.”

“But if I take the miraculous won’t you die?”

“I’m an old man, Petra. I’m ready to see my darling butterfly again.”

The first pair of heroes Ivan can remember are himself and Mylene. A butterfly and a turtle. An unlikely pair for sure, but one that Paris needed and welcomed in their time of need. When their work was done, Mylene stopped being Swallowtail, but he had never stopped being Bouclier.

The old man had seemed to think that Ivan would be a good guardian and he taught him well. Ivan knows everything there is to know about the miraculous, there are even things that he figured out himself. But taking up the turtle’s burden came with it’s own costs. His darling Mylene died long ago, as did their children. He has outlived so many generations that he has lost track of descendants that are still alive. All except Petra.

Petra is his grandchild, there are quite a lot of greats before the grandchild in her title, but Ivan is old and has lost track. Her maman doesn’t pay much attention to her, so he’s all but adopted her as his own. Her youth livens up the place. He’s teaching her to be the next guardian. But he’s making sure she understands what she’s getting into. She’ll at least know that much more than he did so long ago.

“What are you doing, Grandpa?”

“I’m choosing a pair of heroes to defend Paris.”

“But they’re always saying that we don’t need heroes to make things right. They’re saying that they can solve any problems themselves.”

“They always say that, but they never mean it.”

The second pair of heroes are a peacock and a bee. Mylene is still alive and she is the only butterfly in his mind. Ivan can’t bear to see anyone but her wear the broach. So he avoids choosing a wielder for it. Eventually a butterfly will spread it’s wings again, but for now it continues to sleep.

The new heros do their job well. They are a flashy pair, but one that never the less gets the job done quickly and efficiently. They defend Paris against it’s petty criminals and little villains, but most importantly they give the city hope during one of its bleakest moments and darkest times.

Eventually though, they clash and fight, overstaying their welcome. They grow too petty and proud to work together anymore and cause the people of Paris to turn their backs and become resentful and bitter. As they turn on each other, the city they once fought to protect turns on them.

The first whispers come from student radio stations that broadcast only at night, and poorly written articles and arguments from people who don’t think. “Maybe, we don’t need heroes.” The idea gains ground.

Ivan manages to read the currents and pulls back the heroes he created before they can do any more harm. It’s too late to undo the damage already done though. Ivan’s mistake will affect him throughout the decades to come.

“Can I help you choose this time? Since It’ll be my job eventually?”

“Of course, Petra. You’re certainly old enough.”

“Okay, I’ll get the chest.”

“Go right ahead.”

Ivan waits a long time before he risks choosing another pair of heroes. Mylene is the one who encourages him to face his fear of failure. When a new technology leads to abuses and corruption, he chooses a new wielder with her encouragement. This time he chooses one that can act discretely, working with the current instead of openly opposing it when the mood has grown so hostile.

The fox is a natural choice, one that plays tricks with the mind, no one will know about them unless they choose to reveal themselves. Their partner is harder to choose. And in the end, Ivan ends up donning his mask once more and taking the wellbeing of his city into his own hands. The fox is a, well foxy, sort of person, he prefers to wage his battles words rather than with fists or weapons. He has a sharp mind and an even sharper tongue.

Nobody tells stories about Loki or Tortue, nobody even sees them. The ones that do see, don’t remember. They just see the effects of the heroes work and congratulate themselves on a job well done. Ivan sees no reason to make the truth known.

Ivan stays friends with the fox, even after they set aside their masks. It’s yet another person who he eventually outlives. Ivan didn’t realise how fleeting life could be until his is stretched out longer than most people even dream of living.

“I can see them, Grandpa! They’re really out there and fighting, and being heroes!”

“You did give them the miraculouses.”

“I know, but seeing it makes it feel real.”

“It does, doesn’t it.”

“I hope they succeed.”

“You chose well, I don’t see any reason why they wouldn’t.”

Ivan feels more confident after choosing Loki, but he’s still cautious and he waits a long time before deciding to choose again. When war strikes and Paris comes under attack, he realises that he truly has no other choice. This isn’t a job for just any heroes, this calls for a truly extraordinary pair. He chooses the wielders with the utmost care this time, they are a black cat and a ladybug and must fit together perfectly, two halves of a whole.

This time, he doesn’t make a mistake. The two of them are just what Paris needs in the chaos. They defend, protect and heal the people. The hostility toward heroes starts to fade, little by little, remaining no matter what the heroes do. Lucky Buf and Panther don’t seem to mind, they fight on regardless, to busy saving the city and falling in love to care much about what he citizens think. If they do care, they certainly don’t mention it to the friendly old couple living down the street.

Ivan is relieved to see their competence. Mylene is getting old and she’s too stubborn to agree to leave the city for somewhere safer. He knows that this will be the last pair of heroes she sees. She loves watching the heroes at work, remembering her own time as Paris’s hero.

Lucky Bug and Panther go out in the same way they come in, with a bang. Literally. They sacrifice themselves to prevent Paris from being targeted by the lasted superweapon that people with more money than morals have come up with. Ivan pretends to be a old uncle and discretely retrieves the miraculouses off their dead bodies. Their death comes as both a shock and a relief to Paris. Relief that they’ll live another day, shock that the heroes that they had almost grow to love are dead.

It doesn’t surprise Ivan as much as it probably should. They were always a passionate pair. He can imagine how their last conversation must’ve gone:

“They say Paris doesn’t need heroes,” Lucky Bug would say, “Are you up for proving them wrong?”

“You bet! I’ll always be by your side Bug,” Panther would reply.

“It’s a shame we have to end things so soon.” Lucky Bug would say, voice filled with false bravado.

Panther would just shrug. “Till death do us part.”

Ivan couldn’t see it ending any other way.

“Why are you giving me this? It’s your’s. It’s always been”

“I think you’re ready to inherit it, Petra.”

“But if I take it, you’ll die.”

“Haven’t I already told you, my dear? When you get as old as I am, you don’t fear death anymore. I’m ready to move on.”

“I, I’m still not sure.”

“Take your time, think about it, I’ll wait.”

After that the memories of the heroes fade more into a blur. Mylene dies, and he lives on. Eventually, he outlives their children and grandchildren. Time and time again, more frequently than before, he chooses heroes. Times are changing more rapidly than he ever thought possible. A fox, a bee, a peacock, once a black cat and ladybug, take up arms to defend Paris. Even a butterfly spreads its wings.

Miraculouses are lost and found. Mistakes are made fixed. Sometimes wielders fight each other, other times they fight together. The attitude towards them never quite changes though. Some heroes are more welcome than others, but Paris always feels at least a little resentment towards them.

So much time passes, governments rise and fall, political parties say one thing this moment, and change their minds completely the next, new technologies are developed and others are rediscovered. Living for nearly two hundred years tires a person out, and Ivan starts to look for a successor.

He finds a potential one in his some-odd great grandchild, Petra. Her mother was a young, unmarried, student who was relieved to find help in raising her with the friendly old “Uncle Ivan” down the street. She visits and calls occasionally, but having a child was never part of her plan.

“I think I’m ready now, Grandpa.”

“You’ll be an excellent guardian, Petra.”

“Wayzz, Transformez-moi!”

AN: I’m back again with my final entry! More turtle!Ivan this time, only angstier. Because apparently I can’t participate in a fandom week without writing angst, or really write much of anything. Writing these has given me an attachment to turtle Ivan that you can’t talk me out of.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my entries! I’m currently working on a multi-chapter fire emblem fic, so that’s going to be the next thing I publish. This isn’t the last of my works for miraculous ladybug though, not by a long shot.

#kwami swap #kwami swap week #ivan #mylene #original characters #miraculous ladybug #angst #honestly I write so much angst #but it's kind of low key angst?#does that make a difference?

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ryumikaidan · 6 years ago

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Part 5

Kagetsu: Oooh boy. Is she mad.

Aoki: Yup.

(Cut to the five, catching their breath.)

Shigeto: Okay... So, obviously... we just escaped certain death.

Hisaaki: Yeah. Imagine if Akako did touch that hair.

Akako: Well, now I’m glad I didn’t.

(Ryumi, laying flat on her back on the ground, hears a chirping noise and looks up. She slowly gets back on her feet, still staring upwards.)

Ryumi: Guys?

(The others are drawn to attention. Following her gaze, they see a flock of birds overhead.)

Shigeto: Birds?

Maka: Not just birds. Those are sparrows!

Hisaaki: Didn’t Mochiie say something about sparrows?

Ryumi: Of course! “Follow the sparrows”! We’re almost there! C’mon!

(She takes off running in the direction the sparrows are flying. The others follow suit.)

Shigeto: Right behind you!

Maka: Hey, wait!

(After a few minutes, they come to the top of a hill, finding themselves staring down at a beautiful city.)

Ryumi: Kaii Town.

(The group take a moment to view the city before them.)

Akako: What are we waiting for? Let’s go!

Hisaaki: Wait a minute, we can’t just go in and expect them to ignore us!

Maka: The kid’s got a point. How’d you think everybody there’s gonna react to three living human kids waltzing around?

Ryumi: Oh. I never thought about that.

Shigeto: I got it! Why don’t we disguise ourselves as yokai? That way, nobody will suspect a thing!

Maka: ...You know what, actually? That’s the smartest thing you’ve said yet.

Hisaaki: Okay, so, what’ll we use?

Shigeto: Eh, whatever we find there.

(Cue the awkward pause.)

Shigeto: ...Oh.

Maka: I take it back, you’re hopeless.

Shigeto: Ryumi, can’t you use your fox powers to make us invisible, or something?

Ryumi: I don’t even know if I have any actual powers.

Hisaaki: Oh, great.

(Cut to Kaii Town. Various yokai and spirits are going about their business. Maka, with Akako perched on her shoulder, makes her way through the streets. Sneaking through the alleyways unseen, Ryumi, Shigeto and Hisaaki follow close behind. Finally, Maka, fed up with this, walks towards the alley where the three humans are hiding.)

Maka: This is pathetic! We can’t keep doing the stalker act forever!

Hisaaki: She’s right. We gotta find some way to blend in.

(Akako notices something and hops off Maka’s shoulder, to a pile of trash left to become tsukumogami.)

Akako: I think I just found our disguises.

(Cut to the citizens of Kaii Town, as something grabs their attention. The group walk through the streets, the humans having disguised themselves with the bits of trash: Ryumi wears a sedge hood, Shigeto wears an ogre mask and a straw raincoat, and Hisaaki wears a samurai helmet and a cloak. A one-eyed boy, or hitotsume kozo, stares at them. Maka takes notice of this.)

Maka: ...The heck you lookin’ at, kid?

Hitotsume Kozo: Sorry. (looks away)

(The group continue.)

Shigeto: So far, so good. So, how are we gonna find foxy grampa?

Maka: We can start by not saying those last two words again.

Shigeto: What, “foxy grampa”?

Maka: (through clenched teeth) YES.

Ryumi: We’ll ask around, I guess.

(They go up to an iyaya.)

Shigeto: 'Scuse us, ma'am...

(The iyaya turns around, showing them his/her manly face.)

Iyaya: Yeah, waddup?

Shigeto: WHOA! Okay... What should I call you, a man or a woman?

Iyaya: Yes.

Shigeto: Okay... you...

Ryumi: Do you know where we can find a fox named-

(She is interrupted when an okaburo -a yokai crossdressing as an apprentice oiran- shows up.)

Okaburo: Hey! Whaddya doin' with my lover?

Shigeto: Sorry, we didn't know you two were together.

Okaburo: That's okay, just... think about how we feel next time, maybe.

Ryumi: Look, we’re just looking for a fox named Nakaari. Do you know him?

(A new voice chimes in.)

???: What do you want to see him for?

(They turn to see a trio of yokai: an ubume, a karasu tengu and the leader, a hari onago.)

Ryumi: Uh, w-well, we were just wondering if he could...

(She trails off as the hari onago looks down at her.)

Ryumi: ...Uh...

Shigeto: We need his help with a thing!

(Maka double-facepalms.)

Hari Onago: Oh, I see.

(The yokai trio share a laugh.)

Hari Onago: What kind of thing?

(Another awkward pause.)

Shigeto: ...Just. A thing.

Hari Onago: (nods) ...You want to rob him, don’t you?

Ryumi: No!

Shigeto and Hisaaki: NO!

Ryumi: It’s actually a... personal thing.

Hari Onago: Ah. Keeping secrets, huh?

(Her long hair begins to move.)

Hari Onago: If there’s one thing that I can’t stand...

(She shows off the pointy barbs at the end of each strand of hair.)

Hari Onago: ...it’s people who keep secrets from me.

(The three humans nervously back away, but the karasu tengu and ubume are behind them.)

Shigeto: Okay, Ryumi, try getting us outta this one.

Maka: Hey, back off! They’re just kids!

(All attention is drawn to Maka and Akako.)

Akako: Aw, Maka, you do care!

Maka: Shut it.

Akako: Okay.

Hari Onago: Why do you care? Are you their nanny, or something?

Maka: No. Beat it.

Hari Onago: Or else what? You’ll give us a scolding we’ll never forget?

(She and the other two yokai share a haughty laugh.)

Maka: That does it!

(Her head shoots forward at the end of her neck, nailing the hari onago in the gut, to the shock of the ubume and karasu tengu. The hari onago collapses, clutching her gut.)

Hari Onago: Y-You witch...

(Her hair rears up and lunges at Maka’s exposed neck. Thankfully, she manages to dodge at the last second, but the hair keeps coming. Akako cowers at the base of Maka’s neck.)

Shigeto: Okay, we should go now.

Ryumi: No. Not without Maka and Akako.

(Hisaaki notices something, and gets an idea. He leaves the other two.)

Shigeto: Where’re you going?

Hisaaki: I think I got an idea! Trust me on this one!

(He runs over to a nearby kamikiri.)

Hisaaki: Excuse me... Sir? Ma’am? We kinda need your help...

(Meanwhile, Maka is still dodging the flurry of barbed hair. Backing up, she doesn’t notice a cat-sized hamster-like creature -a sunekosuri- sleeping behind her, but Akako does.)

Akako: Maka, behind y-

(Too late: Maka trips on the sunekosuri, who, startled awake, scurries away. She falls backwards onto the ground, taking Akako with her. Both find themselves at the mercy of the hari onago. Just as she’s about to finish Maka off...)

???: Uh, hey! Over here.

(The hari onago turns to see the kamikiri.)

Kamikiri: Ya wanna haircut? (snips their scissor hands)

(The prospect of losing her hair terrifies the hari onago, who screams and runs, the kamikiri giving chase.)

Kamikiri: Hey, lady, c’mon! It’s what I do!

Ubume: Should we help her?

Karasu Tengu: I didn’t really like her that much, but...

(The two yokai take off after them, while the three humans, along with a few yokai, rush over to the fallen Maka and Akako.)

Ryumi: You okay?

Maka: I was doing just fine, y’know!

Akako: That was amazing!

Shigeto: Yeah, nice one, Hisaaki.

Hisaaki: Just using my head.

(As they help Maka up, a blind man with eyes on his hands -a tenome- sniffs the air, then Shigeto.)

Shigeto: Hey, hey! What’re you doing?

Tenome: Young man... why do you smell like a living human?

(The group freeze. Several other yokai take notice, sniffing at the trio.)

Bakeneko: Yeah, they do smell like live humans. Why...

(The bakeneko reaches for Shigeto’s mask. He jerks away, accidentally bumping into Ryumi. She falls over, and her hood falls off. The yokai gasp. There is yet another awkward silence before...)

Shigeto: RUN!!!

(Ryumi scrambles to her feet, joining the other four as they make a break for it, but the yokai pursue. As they race through the streets, the citizens, seeing them, join in the chase, until seemingly everyone in Kaii Town is after them.)

Shigeto: Guys, ever had that feeling like you’ve done this before?

Maka: SHUT UP AND RUN!

(Meanwhile, an old fox man hears the commotion and looks, seeing the incoming chase. When he sees Ryumi, he also sees a familiar aura around her.)

Fox: (thinking) *That aura... Could it be...?*

(He steps into the street, waving to them.)

Fox: This way! Follow me!

Shigeto: Oh, thank you!

Hisaaki: Wait, how do we know he’s not gonna-

Maka: (grabs the back of Hisaaki’s clothing) MOVE, KID!

(The five follow the fox into an old, abandoned house. The mob closes in.)

Yokai: In there!/We’ve got ‘em cornered!

(A suppon no yurei flings the door open... but all they see is the fox sipping tea.)

Fox: ...I think the ones you’re looking for left town.

(The yokai all look at each other, then leave. The fox smiles.)

Fox: You can come out, now. They’re gone.

From a cabinet, the five tumble out, collapsing in a heap on the floor. They untangle themselves from each other and get up.)

Ryumi: Thanks... Thanks, Grandpa.

(The others all stare at Ryumi, then at the fox.)

Nakaari: You know me?

Ryumi: Yeah, we’ve been looking for you. My mom sent us.

Nakaari: Is she alright?

Ryumi: I... I don’t know.

(There is a moment of silence.)

Shigeto: ...Well, that aside, it’s nice to meet you, foxy gra-

(Maka glares at Shigeto ferociously.)

Shigeto: Uh, I mean, Grandpa Nakaari.

Nakaari: The pleasure’s mine.

Akako: So, you’re Ryumi’s grampa? I’m Akako, her adopted sister. That makes me your granddaughter, too! Anyway, we- Uh... (to the others) W-Why were we looking for him again?

Maka: Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask that, too.

Ryumi: Well, uh... Mom mentioned something about a magic jewel you have, that we need to protect...?

Nakaari: The jewel.

Shigeto: So, you do have a...?

Nakaari: Of course. But, uh...

(He looks around, then beckons the five to come closer, which they do.)

Nakaari: (whispering) This is a private matter. We can discuss this at my home. You never know who might be listening in.

Ryumi: (also whispering) Okay then. (straightens, then speaks at normal volume) We’d be happy to come over to your place, Grandpa. (bows)

Maka: Oh, boy.

Akako: Lead the way, foxy grampa!

Maka: KINOSHITA!!!

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jigensass · 4 years ago

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Listen here you little shits at Marvel

The foxy grandpa meme was a joke on the 2006 movie

You didn’t have to take it seriously

Ps I know you’re still checking up on me occasionally no I am not doing okay please send help

Xoxo Burrito

WONG, I’M SCREAMING!!

Symbiote Spider-Man #5 (2020)

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letitrainathousandflames-archive · 8 years ago

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Darth Daddy, Johnny Two Lightsabers, and General Grind-On-Us (for the lab partner, elevator, or McDonald's ask) please? :)

(yeah I kno u sent me this DAYS ago but it took me forever to reach a verdict. okay. here goes)

get them randomly assigned as your lab partner for a whole semester: Johnny Two Lightsabers aka Darth Maul. We both have anger management issues and would most likely end up in a discussion that would culminate in a fire situation in the lab. “Told ya to mix this slowly, you clumsy moron!”

get trapped with them on a broken elevator for ten hours: Darth Daddy aka Darth Vader. Why? Because ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) that’s why.

(jokes aside, I’d love to talk to anakin about how both the jedi and the sith are wrong, and how there’s no such thing as a path of pure light or pure darkness that won’t bring one to either madness and destruction and how true ballance lies in between.... I’d love to protect my murderous cinnamon roll bc He Is Not Really An Evil Person™and he Needs To Be Heard)

they’re your employee trainer for your new job at McDonalds: Grievous. Listen, he could help me a lot with those four arms of his. Oh, shit, gotta do two or three things at the same time? DO YA NEED A HAND?!?! Also, I’d offer him some cough medicine bc can y’all hear this man (man? alien? robot? both? neither?) coughing? His lungs are gonna collapse and those are one of the few non-robotic things he has, someone pls help the foxy grandpa robot thanks

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starvonnie · 8 years ago

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For your latest ask thingy, answer all the questions about the megarod little mermaid thing. I know that it's a oneshot so some questions might be n/a but it's a unique idea and I want to know more about it

ALL OF THEM? well, okay.... oh and there is a sequel in the works that will EVENTUALLY be finished..... eventually1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?Well @harutemu wanted a megarod little mermaid thing and I just thought of the coastal town from it and tbh im not even sure what this questions wants me to sayOh! Also those like romance novels where the woman is swooning in the arms of a ripped dude with his shirt open.2: What scene did you first put down?All of it??? its a short fic3: What's your favorite line of narration?His hand blocked one set of gills, but Rodimus didn't bother to get him to move it. The smile pressed up against his lips had already taken his breath away.The last lines lol4: What's your favorite line of dialogue?"Every day I would watch the sea," Megatron went on, "hoping to catch sight of you. After they told me I wasn't fit to sail... I never thought I'd see you again."The gay one.5: What part was hardest to write?Honestly? This one I banged out really quickly and easily.6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?IT’S GOT HOOMANS7: Where did the title come from?Again, really sappy romance novels (my mom read a lot of them so I constantly saw the titles)8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?Just the Little Mermaid.9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?Because I literally never stop thinking about Megarod.11: What do you like best about this fic?It’s one of my most-kudos’d fics. Like it’s almost a quarter kudos to hits. But, like, personally? I just love sailor Megatron.12: What do you like least about this fic?Not even interspecies banging.13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn't listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?Fuck idk this is like the only fic I DON’T have a song for.14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?Megatron is a foxy grandpa and even the mermaids want him.15: What did you learn from writing this fic?Writing AUs is fucking fun I should do this more often.Yo if anyone asks me about Two Factions you might just get some sneak peeks because I’m almost through writing it and my favourite lines aren’t from the chapters you already have ~

#megarod #please ask me things about two factions #amethyst1258

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ask-sidekick-number-one · 8 years ago

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SWEEPO HEADCANON MASTERPOST

~swirlswift -ask-sidekick-number-one •asks

~”Who wants to see me throw my boyfriend?” Is a common question. ~Swirl is uneasy around Robbie, partially due to the fact he listens in on their conversations. ~”I know you said no more animals but I found this raccoon and he’s so cute!” ~Once a month Swirl just randomly leaves for a few days in a row and doesn’t respond to Peepo’s texts, he panics the entire time and when she get’s back she offers no excuse as to where she was. ~-kicking down the door- ”PEEPO I JUST SHAVED MY LEGS, FEEL THEM!” ~Sometimes Swirl is so much like a cat it’s not even funny. She falls asleep in patches of sun, one second she’ll be cuddly as Hell and the next she’ll be hissing at you, and Peepo know’s that if he pets her hair she will purr. ~”STOP GRABBING MY ASS I AM TRYING TO SLEEP…SOCK!” ~Once they were making out and Swirl just pulled away and whispered, “Waluigi and Hallelujah have the exact same syllables.” ~Swirl changes his phone wallpaper any chance she gets, and it’s always related to Shrek the Musical. ~Peepo once woke up to find Swirl staring at him. Since then he’s slept with his back to her. ~”Did you just quote Sharknado while I’m trying to be romantic?” ~Peepo is taller and he teases Swirl for it. ~ Peepo -as he’s slowly turning around-: What do you mean you accidentally set the toilet on fire? ~Swirl -as she’s slowly turning around-What do you mean I have to stop wearing your clothes…just wear the Foxy Grandpa shirt I gave you! ~”…” “…” “…” “…” “…You already know what I’m going to say.” “…” “…” “…Do I?” “STOP SENDING MY BOSS PICTURES OF RANDOM PEOPLES BUTTS, IT’S NOT OKAY!” ~Swirl finds cute blankets with like pictures of the Lion King or something and just puts them on the bed. Peepo just learns to fold them onto her if he doesn’t want to be sweating all night. ~ Swirl once sat on the bed and stared at Peepo with a horrified expression on her face for three hours straight while he worked on stuff, he now sprays her with a water bottle if he ever catches her staring for more than five minutes. ~ “Can I sit here and die?” “Wanna hug?” “…Yes…” “TEDDY!” “NO!” ~ “Shhhut up.” “DO NOT TELL THE POLICE TO SHUT UP!” ~ “I love you.” “I’M KINKSHAMING YOU!” ~ Peepo once kicked Swirl off the bed because he walked in the room one night while she was sleeping and she farted for exactly 46 seconds. He Febreezed that shit. ~Peepo never meets her real dad (Subject to change?) ~ Swirl isn’t her real name ~ They were in Team Aqua at the same time, but she didn’t use the same name and she had a Vapereon named Puddles. ~ Peepo: -SCREAMING THE ENTIRE HAMILTON SOUNDTRACK AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS WHILE SWIRL REFUSES TO TAKE OFF HIS SHIRT AND STOP BULLYING ROBBIE, NOT SINGING, SCREAMING- ~ “…Please?” “No.” “Please?” “NO.” “Pretty please with sprinkles on top?” “YOU ARE NOT FILLING ROBBIES LAIR WITH COPIES OF SHREK!” ~ If Peepo ever loses Swirl in a crowd he plays the Kim Possible theme and she comes running. If she ever loses him, she plays the Sonic colors theme and he takes off at the speed of sound. ~Swirl unironically wears Christmas shirts on days other than Christmas, Peepo teases her for it constantly. ~Swirl takes Peepo’s clothes and wears them around, he doesn’t mind this as long as she doesn’t mess them up. ~Peepo always lets her dye his hair, and she always lets him dye hers. ~Sock eventually gets used to Peepo and doesn’t throw him around as much. ~Cuddling is one of their favorite pass times. ~Swirl is capable of throwing Peepo, she will exercise this ability whenever the opportunity arises. ~At least once a week they have to deal with the other grunts playing the Titanic song on a Slide Whistle. ~”NO SWIRL!” Is a common phrase ~Swirl never wakes up without her hair in her face -Despite being taller, when they cuddle, Peepo is the little spoon. This is due to him sleeping very curled up. -‘Pikachu’ eventually starts to view Swirl as a mom, the same way he views Peepo as a dad. -‘Pikachu’ requires the occasional Swirl cuddle as a result. -The reason Gandalf only listens to Peepo is because their psyches are linked with a strong emotional bond. Eventually, due to Peepo and Swirl forming a second emotional bond, he is tangentially linked to Swirl and listens to her. -Peepo wants very badly to call Swirl ‘Swirly’ but is worried she’d get upset. -Over time, when Swirl suggests murder, Peepo’s response shifts from “NO!” to “There she goes again. -Peepo loves to sing and will sometimes sing love songs he likes to Swirl. -Swirl comes home one day and finds Peepo crying. She asks what’s wrong, and after that they have fights over if he’s allowed to have ‘It’s Quiet Uptown’ on his phone or not. -Peepo naruto runs all over the place. Every single time he does so Swirl threatens to break up with him. -Robbie is absolutely disgusted when they show affection but he and Sport kiss in front of Peepo all the time. -Peepo tries to explain that this is a double standard, but Robbie fails to understand. -One time Peepo comes home with a bag full of Sonic shirts. His only explanation is “I like video games.” -Swirl tries to say “Other games exist.” and he responds “I know.” -They use memes to show their love. -Peepo finds an injured Pyukumuku and tries to nurse it back to health without Swirl finding out. -When she does, she doesn’t talk to him for like a week. -Swirl tries to prank him for the first week of April instead of just the first day and he cries because the second is his birthday. -Peepo tries to lay down the law and stop her pranking Robbie. She just has to do puppy dog eyes, though, and he breaks. -Despite always saying he’s fine after getting hurt, he’s super fragile. He just doesn’t want to worry Swirl. -She worries anyways -He makes her soup when she gets sick. It’s completely homemade. -She makes him soup when he gets sick. It’s from a can. •Peepo will kill a guy if they start flirting with Swirl. •Swirl is oblivious to other guys flirting with her, Peepo constantly tries explaining it to her and in the end keeps a hand on her waist when other guys talk to her. If anyone still tries to flirt they catch those hands. •Swirl is super skinny because she’s always moving around and keeping busy and energetic because she eats so much sugar. Peepo has to make sure she doesn’t fall asleep anywhere because she’s lazy at times. Sometimes when she sleeps she talks and he can have little conversations with her and call her nicknames and such. •whenever the other has nightmares, swirl or peepo whispers things absently in their ear in an effort to help before waking them up.

Pokeparenting- ~Swirl spends two hours a day everyday with one Pokemon throughout the week, bonding with them. ~Peepo isn’t thrown around as much by Sock, but he’s hugged twice as much by Teddy. ~Swirl caught Peepo calling himself daddy once when talking to his Pokemon, so from now on when the Pokemon act up she tells them to go see their father. ~Sock and ‘Pikachu’ tend to clash heads, but it’s often Sock who starts them and Cedric to end them. ~Swirl calls Cedric Handsome boy, Gandalf Smart Boy, and ‘Pikachu’ Precious Boy. -Peepo does his best to train Sock, but Sock never listens. He always believes in him, though. -‘Pikachu’ will ride on either of their heads. -Gandalf will babysit the Pokémon if necessary, he is the smartest and strongest. Cedric helps. -Sock stops getting mad when people say Pikachu because it’s said so often. -Angel and Snowslash will fight about who’s more elegant.

Actual Parenting- ~Peepo is so confused sometimes it’s not even funny, he once mistook baby formula for vinegar and it was horrible. ~The kid likes to climb in their parents bed, Peepo and Swirl just sorta go with it. ~Swirl dresses her kids in clothes from either gender, which confuses others when it comes to what gender the baby actually is. ~“It’s okay baby, mommy cries when her bottle’s empty too.” ~“I’m gonna kill Stacey from the PDA, SHE SAID MY BROWNIES WERE STORE BROUGHT! I SPENT HOURS AND LOTS OF MONEY BUYING THE WEED TO MAKE THOSE BROWNIES!” “Swirl, sweetie, stop screaming I just put the bab- YOU PUT WEED IN THE PDA MEETING BROWNIES?” ~Family Movie Nights commonly end with everybody falling asleep in front of the TV. ~“No you can not Lion King the baby.” ~“STOP LEAVING THE BABIES AT ROBBIES!” -They have 2 kids, a boy and a girl.  -Peepo does his best, but he didn’t have actual parents for most of his life and doesn’t really know what he’s doing.  -One of the kids comes home and says he’s being bullied and Swirl just says “kill them”  -Sock doesn’t throw the kids, he knows he will be locked up in a kennel  -Cedric and Teddy love to play with the kids

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