#/ i have spent the last 2 weeks in a downward spiral but im ready to Not spiral anymore.

[moonglittering]

i feel like i can write again. im still kind of at a point where laughter winds me and makes me throw up and my fever is still in the 102.0 range but.

glfjdglfkj i’m trying to get my strength back... gimme a minute.

[magpiie]

Kidnapped by Baby Yoda pt. 3

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3

hey guys pls lmk what you think and be honest!!! thank you so much for 80 notes holy fucking shit wowie 

It's weird one day you're assisting teaching a class to a bunch of miscellaneous alien children on nevarro hating your life, and the next you're stuck on a ship with a mandalorian and his foundling who inexplicably decided he needed you to come.

“I'm going to talk to him today kid, believe me” you said to the lump of wool perched on your knee. Mando was out doing maker knows what, and you were left alone with the little guy like always. His big eyes gazed at you dubiously as if to say suuuuure. The amount of judgmental bitchy energy he could produce sometimes was astounding. “No really, i've been living here for what, uh 3 weeks maybe? And all we've really said to each other was the initial greeting and uh the exchange of names?” The last part trails off as you realize you don't even know his name. You said yours but he responded with telling you to call him Mando. So you didn't push it. You dont know alot about mandalorians considering they are almost extinct and their beliefs are often made to seem like folklore. But you do know that individualism and identity is not something particularly celebrated. So you decided to leave the amount of information he wants to share with you up to him out of respect. So far that's been none. “So, kid, how'd you break through his shell? He likes you?” the child just blinks unhelpfully. “I mean you never talk to him, but i've tried that and we saw how that went” literally radio silence from him. You don't particularly think of yourself as an extrovert who constantly needs interaction but you do need some. And currently you have the kid as a companion and if you didn't know any better you'd say Mando was a droid with how he acts. You also resolved that you needed to help out more. Basically you were a glorified babysitter and the idea that Mando was going to realize that he was better off without you on his ship as deadweight terrified you. You were a good cook, I guess you could say, but Mando always brought food back with him when he went out and then would hide in his room to eat in privacy. So that's not very helpful. The main thing that you could offer him was medical help. Back on Nevarro growing up you were the youngest of three older brothers. And considering your mother wasnt really in the picture, you had to take up the doctor role for the amount of fights three older boys could get into. You knew how to treat basically any external damage and how to sterilize and limit risk of infection. But how would you ever bring that up to mando if you guys didn't even greet each other in the mornings? Sometimes you would try to talk to him with something as simple as “good morning!” or “welcome back” or “night” or even just a simple “hey” sometimes he would bless you with a monosyllabic grunt but never anything more. But hey, you would take what you would get. After a week of this call and no response bullshit you kinda gave up and have spent the last two weeks in silence other than your episode this morning with the “good morning” fiasco. You feel your mortification settle back into your stomach at the fool you made of yourself. “Maker above, mando must hate me.” sometimes you wondered if he regretted asking you to come. But he doesn't really seem like the type of person to let you stay if you annoyed him. “Ok bug, here's the plan. What im gonna do is i will say hey when he comes back, sound good?” you look for confirmation from the creature and he gives you a slight tilt of his chin. Satisfied you continue, “and i will uhm say good night and good morning every day until he responds or tells me to shut up.” you finish with a huff of breath. This will either end with you finally finally getting to have real human interaction or left on some random ass planet god knows where.     

Mando makes his way back to ship feeling the pebbles crunch beneath the heavy sole of his boot. This planet was a desert planet much like nevarro, he wondered if you missed home. Mean no shit she's probably homesick dumbass he thinks its not like he was doing anything to make the ship feel welcoming. Like talking to you. But you made the ship feel like a home for the kid and that's more than he could ever want. You probably didn't realize how much what you were doing meant to him. You made the kid happy, you were giving him something that mando never could, a mother figure. Mando tried his hardest to be what he thought was a father for the kid but it was hard. He had to go and work and it wasn't safe to bring a kid so he was often swept around to different planets and left for hours by himself waiting for mando to come back and it was hard on mando. But you, now you were there. And the kid was always safe with you. He should probably teach you some self defense he thought considering how dangerous being associated with him was especially considering you needed to protect the child. But honestly, mando had no idea if you knew how to protect yourself, you might, space is a dangerous world. He only knew that you were a teacher but that was it. Slightly alarming that he implicitly trusted you without any prior knowledge of you or your credentials. You could be a bounty hunter assigned to kill him for all he knew, or to steal the kid, but you probably would have done that by now. Mando didn't know what made you trustworthy to him. You just were. And that terrified him. 

You're sitting in the cockpit with the child pretending to fly the ship as he gurgles happily in your lap. you giggle at the little guy and make finger guns and pretend to shoot an imaginary monster outside the window, “i'm the most fearsome bounty hunter in the guild,” the child lets out a particularly loud noise at that, “uhhh yes i am dont laugh at me, i am feared far and wide across the galaxy,” you tickle his sides with that one. youre so into playing with the kid you don't realize mando was back and is staring at you from the entryway to the cockpit. “You think i could take on your daddy, bug? You think it'd beat him in a shootout? Huh?” you say with your fingers poised and ready at the window.

“Not a chance,” says a deep voice that vibrates into the floor. You let out an embarrassing startled shriek and feel your heart do twenty somersaults and settle in your feet. The child screams at the interruption and immediately wiggles out of your grasp and waddles to Mando giddily. 

“I-i i was uh joking, really i was,” you stutter out cringing at the incredulous tone your voice comes out as. Remembering your resolve to talk to him you continue on even though you feel like you might throw up your breakfast from nerves. “He misses you during the day,” gesturing to the child, “so i pretend to be you” you finish realizing that sounds super fucking creepy, “well not like- you- like- you,  but i pretend to like uh pilot the ship and uh shoot um things?” you ramble lamely. A huff sounds from the mandalorian and if you allowed yourself to think wishfully it was laughter. 

“Doesn't surprise me. Before you he came everywhere with me.” you feel your eyebrows raise. Everywhere? Shit. 

“Must've been difficult to complete jobs and have to keep track of him,” you say nodding your head towards the little lump of brown wool. Mando offers you an affirmative grunt before setting the child down and turning on his heel towards the fresher. So that was an improvement, you think. Got ten whole words out of him. You feel a grin split your face. Hopefully this means you are past the dancing around each other relationship. And maker above, his voice, wow. If only you could wake up to that every morning. Deep and melodic. You wonder how deep and gravelly it sounds in the mornings. Or how your name would sound tumbling off his lips in pleasure. Nope. not going down that path. That is NOT platonic thoughts. You literally had your first conversation with him since the first day you met him and you're already thinking about that? Seriously pull yourself together. You don't even know what he looks like, or how old he is. Like what if he's like 70. And really ugly. What if your having sex dreams about someone like your grandpa. Ew. Your face contorts at the thought of Mando looking like your grandpa. Okay gross stop. You need to get to know him. Have civil conversations. Push down the gross thoughts. Even if his voice sounds like honey. And home. 

You're sitting in the chair behind the pilot seat reading a random book Mando left out on the scattered floor. Its some type of mechanical manual so its truly riveting. Note the sarcasm. The child's asleep, and seeing as though mando is cooped up in his room this book is better than twiddling your thumbs mindlessly. You decided that if you were going to stay on mandos ship you should at least try to pick up some mechanic skills. Better than the rudimentary at best you had at the present moment. You knew how to fix blatant errors in engines and how to reconnect wires if the instructions were explained thoroughly and very slowly. Okay maybe you didn't really know anything past engines. But that was better than nothing? Kinda? You sigh closing the book after rereading the same sentences about pre-imperial versus post-imperial hyperdrives. Maker what was the difference? The both made the ship go super fast or something? Was that the hyperdrive? You shook your head feeling the thought start to culminate into a downward spiral of what a hyperdrive truly was. You looked around the cluttered hull and decided that you should probably occupy yourself by cleaning up the mess. Mando might appreciate it, it'll also make you less of a deadweight on the ship. It was crazy how much shit one man and his child could accumulate on one tiny ship. You don't think you had ever seen this many small metal bowls in one place. The stack currently in the corner probably contained about 12. In what universe would 2 creatures ever need the same bowls 12 times. Well you guess now it's three. The thought filled your chest with a balloon of warmth only to be popped by the realization that you weren't part of the little family mando and the child were. At best you were a business associate. The kids stand in caregiver. Babysitter.

 The realization that you didn't have anyone to call family at your disposal fell heavy on your shoulders. Sinking you into the corner of the hull. You dont think youve ever felt more alone. In the cold corner of the hull with a hand pressed to your chest in an attempt to quell your ragged breaths.  Like a small raft cast into the oceanic expanse of space. If you drowned, who would notice? Certainly not your family, they were maker knows where, probably light years away. You didn't even know what sector you were in anymore. What would your father think of your decision to leave nevarro? You hadn't seen him in a while but you remembered the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. And how he would hug you after a long day. Hold you like you were still his little girl. The craving for a warm embrace from a solid body slammed into you with all the force of a meteor. Leaving you stunned and lost. You briefly wondered how mando coped. How did he deal with the overwhelming feeling of loneliness?  How did he leave his guild? Did he miss them? Were they like a family? Did he think about them often? How did he cope with the lack of touch? Or did he not think about it at all? Did he not need it? Was he so disconnected from the world through his beskar that he couldn't remember the feeling of someone's fingers on his skin? Etching a path with the searing heat they exuded. Hearing approaching footsteps you attempt to pull yourself together. Regulate your breathing, get rid of tear tracks and lose the flush coloring your face. You could do this. As he rounded the corner he stopped. You peered up at him from your curled up position on the floor and offered him a smile that felt unconvincing even on your lips. He tilted his head slightly at you and made his way cautiously to where you were. He bent slightly and offered a brown leather clad hand to you. For a second the only sound heard was the faint crackle of his breathing in his helmet. You could see him faltering. Here he was offering you comfort in your clearly distressed state and you were pointedly ignoring it. You laced your fingers with his and nearly doubled over from the strength he exuded into pulling you up. As soon as you were fairly steady on your feet you marveled at your hand shocked by the warmth creeping through the leather of the glove permeating into your palm. He sighed, a deep release of tension from his shoulders followed. “What's wrong?” he said, his hand still lazily grasping your fingers. You looked at him, what was wrong?

“How do you do it?” you said echoing his words from your first meeting to him. his thumb dragged a slow line along your wrist. When he didn't respond you added, “how are you okay with being alone?” if you could see his face you would say he looked taken aback. He released your hand.

“I'm not.” he offered. Confused as to which question he was answering you remained silent hoping to prompt him to continue. He started again, “I'm not alone, not truly. I have him.” he gestured vaguely to his sleeping quarters where the kid slept. He rubbed the back of his neck, 

“And neither are you.”

[thecruciblegavemeyou]

mint chocolate chip

i got bored and i liked this idea so i ran with it. longer than i intended.. could probably turn into something longer. eh (simons pov) 

ao3

simon has a very bad week, and baz makes the mistake of grabbing the last tub of simon’s favorite ice cream

words: 2.4 k

this was the last straw. the last, very short straw of a number of shitty straws i had received this week.

monday

agatha broke things off. for the last time, i think. "si, this just isn't working anymore. we've both known that for a long time. and, well... i think i'm asexual, i dont know. i have some stuff to figure out simon, and i think i have to do this alone."

i could still see her, standing in front of me in the living room. i had romantic candles lit all around the room. and i (penny) made a fancy dinner, that was laid out on the only tablecloth that penny and i owned that i had yet to stain.

she didnt cry, but i certainly did. it was humiliating. i thought we had finally been making it work this time, and i was even going to ask her to move in with me and penny. hence the fancy dinner.

so she left me there on the couch and i spent the rest of the night crying in the tub (with a bottle of red wine).

tuesday

then, because i stayed up all night crying (and very drunk), I missed the bus to class tuesday morning. which meant i had to walk 2 hours to school in the rain while hungover (in a torrential downpour) and i missed my class anyways.

i didnt even get to turn in my paper, because even my professor had left by then. it would have been the best paper i wrote all semester too; instead, i watched the grade be entered as a zero. i tried to email my professor, but i already knew it was hopeless because she was a bitch. and i always fell asleep in class, so i wasnt exactly her favorite student.

by the time penny came around to give me a lift home, i was soaked to bone. i knew something was wrong the moment i got in the car, but i didnt press her. normally penny greeted me with tea, a scone, and a perky hello, but she was as somber as the rain outside.

she didnt say anything for a long time. we were almost back to the flat when she turned the volume down on the radio and turned to me. "hey, simon, do you remember micah?" penny asked.

"what a bloody idiotic question penny, of course i remember your boyfriend. im hungover, not stupid." i snorted, grabbing my sopping wet bag from the back seat.

she killed the engine; she was watching me with that expression of pity, the one she wore every time agatha said she wanted to take a break. "he's moving to london." she mumbled.

"pen, that's great! now i won't have to listen to your skype dates and-"

"we signed the lease for an apartment today." she gulped.

my world was spinning. i stopped walking, "when, um... is he in town? you never mentioned... was this a split second decision? i..." i always knew that penny move move out someday. i thought it would be farther down the road. i'd need to find a new roommate, because there was no way i could continue to afford the apartment penny and i had by myself...

"when are you leaving?" i blurted out.

"i spent today packing. im almost ready to go. micah and i are going to finish packing and moving everything from my apartment to the new one tomorrow. do you want to help?"

"you mean... i only have one day to find a new roommate?" i couldn't help the anger boiling in my stomach. she gave me no warning whatsoever and the rent was due next friday. im not proud of what i did next, but theres no going back.

i stormed into my room and locked it behind me. i couldn't look at any of penny's packed boxes. i didn't even stop when micah called out a greeting. i was too upset, and i didnt really know the guy well enough to let him see me cry. the took turns trying to coax me out of my room throughout the night, penny even went out and bought me sour cherry scones from my favorite bakery across town. i didnt have any appetite.

wednesday

i got out of the house before they woke up. i had work, anyways. thankfully, it had stopped raining sometime last night. unfortunately, the puddles remained. a taxi flew around the curb with no warning and soaked my jeans and shoes (my good jeans).

"bloody fucking merlin and morgana-" i shouted, before the mother behind me hurriedly covered the ears of her toddler.

I made it to the starbucks where i worked, and took in the comforting smell of coffee and sugar and the faint smell of cleaner that was used to wipe down the counters each night. it was apparently the only dependable thing in my life right now.

"sorry im late, trixie, i had a bad morning-" I sighed, grabbing my apron off the back rack.

trixie (my boss) just waved me into her office, "simon?" she was sorting through piles of paperwork and notices, and it took her a moment before she realized i was already in her office.

"so, simon-"

"yeah?" i responded, more focused on trying to tie the apron behind my back. i had terrible hand-eye coordination as is, it didnt help when you took one factor out of the equation. I could smell coffee wafting in from the front, and i prayed trixie would be quick so i could go out and grab a cup for myself.

"we had to make some budget cuts this month, so we have to let some people go... im so sorry, simon. here's your last paycheck."

trixie held out a sad, slumped little slip of paper. i stared at her, barely registering her words. after an awkward minute of silence, i took the check and left the apron draped over the chair opposite her desk. i didnt make eye contact with my coworkers as i left and i prayed they hadnt been able to hear the entire conversation between me and trixie, if it could be called a conversation.

i knew they mustve heard, even if they didnt it wasnt hard to put two and two together.

i shoved the check into my (wet) jeans pocket and made my way towards the flat. halfway home, i turned into the bank and cashed the check, knowing there was no way i would remember to do it tomorrow.

this was turning out to be the worst week of my life.

when i got back to the flat, half the boxes, micah, and penny were nowhere to be found. i holed myself up in my room again, this time having the foresight to take some food back into my room with me. i blasted my music, and kept the door locked again. the lock wouldnt actually keep penny out (there was a key for every room in the house) but if it was locked she wouldnt bother trying to intrude on my sob fest.

thursday

when i woke up, the house was empty. i made my way into the bathroom to freshen up and tried to ignore how quiet the flat was now. penny had even taken a lot of the photos and such with her, but she left most of the furniture (out of pity, i think). her and micah would get to buy all new furniture, together.

on the kitchen counter was a note, a key, and an address. her new apartment was within walking distance still (ten minutes or so). i imagined they were still settling in, and i still had nothing to say to her (i wasn't mad, i was just... not ready). anyways, i needed to start searching for a new roommate.

i went and grabbed my laptop, and settled in on the couch. i ignored the notifications reminding me to study or finish this project or that, and delved into my search. i didnt have class until later tonight, and i didnt have a job to get to either, so i had most of the day free.

i needed to search for a new job, too. there was no way i could afford rent if i didnt have a job, let alone a roommate to split the bill.

i had no idea where to start. i didn't really want to live with a stranger, but i absolutely didnt want to lose this apartment either. it was so close to campus, and i liked being near all the other students. it was ina great part of town, and almost everything i needed was within walking distance. maybe i could ask a classmate if they wanted to move in? it seems a bit short notice, and i imagine that by the end of the first semester everyone already has a place to live anyways.

i was screwed.

i grabbed some take out on my way back home, alone, and spent the rest of the night procrastinating homework and responsibilities. this is why i needed penny.

friday

it was obvious friday was following the same downward spiral when i woke up to a text from agatha, asking if she could come by to talk. she wanted to stay friends and she thought she left a jumper at my place.

i almost fell off the couch at four o'clock, when agatha let herself in to find me in my boxers on the couch.

"oh, hi, simon. didnt you hear me knocking?" she asked, hanging up her jacket and unraveling a scarf from her neck. i could smell her from here. that perfume would haunt me forever. i never really liked that scent. i'd have to light a candle after she leaves.

"no..." i mumbled, trying to be discreet as as tried to get my pants back on as fast as possible. agatha headed straight for my room to look for her jumper. she had no qualms, did she?

"simon, where did everything go? why is the flat so empty?" agatha asked, drawing back the curtains to let some sunlight into my cave. didn't she think this was awkward? why was she acting so normal?

i cleared my throat, "uh, penny moved out. she got an apartment with micah a few blocks down. she sprung it on me this tuesday." i covered the emotion in my voice.

"oh, well, thats great for penny and micah." she hummed and finally found her jumper, which had wound up in my laundry.

she started for the door. i refrained from going after her. i wasnt going to chase her and beg her to come back, not this time. even agatha seemed surprised. she stopped at the door, almost as if to tell my this was my last chance to chase her down and beg for her forgiveness.

i didnt move.

"it was good to see you, simon." she smiled and twisted the door knob, "coffee sometime, okay?"

"no, thank you, though." i said. i didnt miss the flash of surprise in her eyes as she shut the door behind her. i cranked the volume back up, and cried in tune with adele.

come dinner time, i made my way into the kitchen to try and find something to eat.

the fridge and cabinets were empty. all that was left was a jar of curry, a bag of peanuts, and expired milk. i let out a moan. penny always did the shopping.

i peeked at the clock. it was already nine. but i was starving, and i wanted ice cream. i deserved ice cream, after this shitty week. and maybe some alcohol. any type of alcohol.

i tugged on my old Watford sweatshirt and a pair of grey sweats, and dug through piles of crap until i found my wallet.

the store was half empty, and there was only one cashier open still, slowly checking out one old lady who couldnt seem to remember what she was doing. i made my way towards the milk and ice cream first.

i grabbed a smaller milk, because there was no way i would finish a whole one without penny, and it didnt look like id be getting a new roommate yet.

i stopped. there was another boy by the ice cream, grabbing the last tub of mint chocolate chip.

i lost it.

"no, no, no! merlin, no, you dont get to have the last of the mint chocolate chip!" i exclaimed and the guy jumped, spinning on his heel to face me. why was he in jeans, it was nine thirty already? who wears such nice jeans out to the grocery store.

"excuse me?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"if you dont mind, id like that tub of ice cream. i deserve it. i had the fucking worst week of my life. and all i want is to go home, eat some goddamn mint chocolate chip ice cream, get drunk, and pretend im not doing it alone." i shouted. he stared for a minute, before he broke out in laughter.

my face went red, but i didnt back down. i wasnt letting him take that ice cream away from me, i didnt care how gorgeous he was.

"i dont want to be alone, either." he smirked. "but you cant finish this whole tub by yourself."

"then come help me." i teased. i couldnt help it. that smirk was infectious. and he had pretty eyes.

"fine. but youre buying the alcohol." he said, pointing towards the next aisle. he followed me into the next aisle over, and we picked out various bottles of various alcohols.

he didnt make me pay. in fact, he paid for my milk too. and then i let him follow me back to my flat.

"im baz." he said, holding out a slender hand.

"simon."

i dont remember how we got there, but i didnt mind when i woke up on top of baz, stretched out on my couch, with him in a pair of my sweats (those bloody jeans may have been hot but i knew they werent comfortable). i didnt even mind the hangover i could feel coming, or the messy, empty tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream on my coffee table.

not when baz was kissing me, mumbling “good morning, darling,” in my ear.