#+out at him and internally you regret it like really bad but outwardly you just Feel the rage Seething from you about Everything thats+

[prixoruno]

i caught up on solarballs and oh god oh fuck caelpiter is fucking doomed yaoi i didnt oh no oh fuck lemme sit down oh g

[thegirlwiththeninjaturtletattoos]

Every Rose Has it's Thorn

-Part 1-

>Part 2

Universe: Teenage Mutant Teenage Turtles (Bayverse aged-up turtles)

Rating: NSFW, R for swearing mostly MINORS DNI

Raphael x OC (female character)

Tags: Trigger Warning- drugging, assault, violence, original character, slow burn romance

Hi! This is my first attempt at writing. I have been wanting to do an OC fic forever, and I was so completely inspired by @sultrysirens oc characters that I wanted to make my own (Seriously, go read their stuff it's amazing!). Anyways, the beginning is a bit dark and scary, but I'm so excited to continue the story. This series is centered around my original character, Rose.

Enjoy and let me know what you think!

-Rose had a shit day and heads to a local dive bar for a drink, only to soon realize her day is only going down from here.

------------------------------------------------------------------

“Fuck, that’s good.”

Rose Soriano took a swig of the drink that the bartender had slid to her across the lacquered bar top, gifted from some guy a bit down the counter. She raised her glass in thanks and gave an awkward half smile, appreciative for the second round but hoping he wouldn’t take her acceptance as an excuse to wander over.

She was wrong.

As she nursed the blended scotch in her glass, the tall white dude sauntered over and sat down.

“Hey, my name’s Mark. What’s a pretty girl like you doing here all by yourself?” The blonde spoke with a cocky smile plastered on his lips, brown eyes a little hazed with drink and oozing confidence. He looked nice enough; handsome in a boring way, not bad to look at- but just like every other 25 year old white guy in New York. If she had been interested in dating at the moment, Rose may have given him a shot in another life. But unfortunately for him, she was in no mood for this brand of bullshit tonight.

She had a shit day and just needed some time alone with her thoughts.

“Hi, yeah uh, thanks for the drink but-” She waved a delicate hand in his direction as she spoke, but he cut her off before she could finish her thought.

“What’s your name? Are you from around here?”

She rolled her eyes.

“Look man, thanks for the drink and all- but I’m really not interested.” Turning back to her scotch she tried to ignore the uncomfortable silence between them, and the bubbling frustration resonating off the young man pestering her.

“What, we can’t just have a conversation? Who said that I was trying to pick you up or anything, maybe I was just looking for some company.” He shifted in his seat, legs turning so he faced her as his tone turned sharp in the quiet space between them. “Now are you gunna tell me your name or what? Like I bought you a drink, the least you could do is tell me who you are.”

Sigh.

Of course things could never go the easy way, he just had to be difficult.

Rose shifted uncomfortably at the counter, her shoes dangling just above the foot rail as she perched on her stool. She was short, not even 5'4" with a petite and curvy hourglass frame that fit snugly on the seat. Her luscious mane of copper curls cascaded over her shoulders as she tensed into the counter, the blonde highlights peeking out from her bangs and glowing in the low bar lighting as her deep, emerald green eyes side-eyed the man sitting next to her.

After a lengthy internal debate, she decided giving her name would not kill her, and hunched further against the bar top as she answered him. 

“Name’s Rose. Nice to meet you.”

“See, was that so hard?” Mark sneered, making her outwardly cringe as she immediately regretted her decision. “So, why are you here by yourself? Boyfriend ditch you?” 

Rose snorted, eyes rolling as she looked back to her glass.

She was incredibly beautiful; she knew it, everywhere she went people knew it- she couldn’t escape it.

But after years of bad experiences with men she had a bad attitude and a big mouth, which usually led to them running off, tails between their legs, when they tried hitting on her in public like this. Normally she only went out with friends and would’ve told this man off in a heartbeat, but being alone at the bar, and after everything that happened today, she was left feeling a little vulnerable and less bold than usual.

She glared over her glass at him as he rested an arm on the bar top next to her. 

“That is honestly none of your business, and I would really prefer to be alone dude. Besides,” she turned to point out some young women giggling at the other end of the bar, “those girls seem way more your speed.”

As she turned back, she saw movement in her peripheral vision, but when she looked again at her surroundings nothing had appeared to have changed, so she dismissed it.

Mark flashed a cocky smile at her but seemed to take the bait.

“Aight, your loss. But if you change your mind I’ll be over there waiting, hot stuff.”

Giving a wink, he stood up from his seat and left Rose’s side to go chat with the young 21 year olds in the corner.

“Thank god that’s finally over. I thought he’d never get the hint.” She mumbled into her glass, finally relaxing again.

She took another hit of the scotch, and let her mind wander back to the events of the day.

Rose had come home from a gig to find her boyfriend of eight years in bed with another man, and while she was upset and hurt, she also didn’t know how to process the new information.

She felt guilty, mostly. She may have pushed him into the relationship when he wasn’t ready, and he had been stalling on proposing but wouldn’t give a reason why. With everything in the open now she felt like a weight had been lifted, that maybe she wasn’t unattractive- her boyfriend was just gay.

Shaking her head, she took another swig, wincing at the burn as it slid down her throat.

Her now ex-boyfriend had promised that he wouldn't be at their shared apartment tonight, so she could process what happened and make a plan on what to do next.

God, she hadn’t even called her brother yet. That was going to be an absolute nightmare of I-told-you-so’s. She had written off his comments about her relationship and ignored the signs: the lack of affection, the constant trips out of town, the hanging out with friends that she wasn’t invited to that would end up as overnighters.

Hell, she still loved Nick, but her heart ached for the both of them. How long was he suffering in silence about this, and why didn’t he just come out and talk to her? They had been friends before they started dating, and they were supposed to be a team, right?

Damn, this is a mess.

Her eyes were glued to the remaining liquor in her glass as she swirled the liquid around, the last of the melting ice cube clinking against the sides of the container.

A fucking mess.

Signaling the bartender, she paid her tab and finished the last of her drink.

Rose slid off the stool, and as she stepped towards the door, suddenly the room started to spin.

Did I drink that much?

Shit.

Desperately trying to regain control of her body, she took a deep breath and moved quickly on unsteady feet out the main entry doors for some fresh air.

Once outside, the cool September air whipped against her face as she adjusted to the darkness of the city street.

The lights from the bar's front entry were growing fuzzy around the edges, and she couldn't tell if it was from the panic in her throat or the hum of the liquor in her system.

Rose shook her head and quickly stepped into the quiet alley next the bar, trying to maintain her composure while methodically trying to retrace the night's events.

Luckily her apartment building was close by, but she wasn’t sure she could walk with how much everything was spinning out of control.

Two drinks?

Yes, they were strong. But two had never been an issue before.

Then it hit her.

“That FUCKER!”  

The arm movement that she dismissed earlier- he must have put some kind of roofie in her drink when she turned her head.

Remembering what she could about the drug, she immediately stuck her finger down her throat trying to ralph up anything she could muster. Cringing at the action, and hoping she wasn’t too late, she got up what she could and dug into her bag for her phone while stabilizing herself against the wall.

Just as she tried to hit the call button on the screen, her phone was smacked out of her hand and she felt a force knock the wind out of her, leaving her gasping for air and falling to the ground.

“ We can’t have you doing that, now can we? Not after how long I had to wait for you to finally get up and leave- you don’t want to be rude, right?”

Mark and another man that she hadn’t seen before were standing above her, smiling and laughing to themselves.

She was still present enough to know how much danger she was in, but could barely see straight enough to even stand up, let alone fight her way out of this.

Fuck.

Mark bent down to grab her hair at the scalp and forced her to look up at him. “Now, we’re going to all play nice, and as long as you behave you’ll be fine.”

With his last words she felt a knife press against her throat, the blade thick and sharp. There was a stinging sensation as blood was drawn where the point of the metal was stabbing into her skin. And she couldn't help the wince that curled the other man's lips up into a sneer. 

The other man flicked his eyes back to the alley entrance, and jutted his chin at Mark to head further into the darkness.

Her assailant yanked on her hair, in an attempt to drag her up on her feet and get her to comply. As she clumsily stood and took a few swaying steps with them, the knife left her skin and came to rest at his side, still a threat but no longer drawing blood.

Rose’s mind was swimming too much to think of a full plan, but she knew she had to do something.

No se saldrán con la suya sin pelear conmigo, malditos cabrones- I’d rather die.

An old saying from her Dad popped into her mind as she stumbled in Mark’s grip down the alley:

Lucha hasta el final, chaval; Go down swingin', kid.

Hearing movement somewhere nearby that wasn’t the two men, she made a decision.

Hopefully whoever was nearby would hear her and help. Or, at least she gave it her best shot- no regrets.

Gathering up her courage, she went for it. Rose knew she would have a few seconds, and she had to make them count.

Using what strength and focus she had left, she turned in Mark’s direction quicker than he could react and palm striked his nose. She felt the crunch of his cartilage in her hand right before he cursed loudly.

“WHAT THE FUCK BITCH!?!”

She had already started to turn and run, but her movements were slow due to the drug in her system.

Giving everything she had, she screamed.

“HELP, SOMEONE PLEASE HEL-”

She was tackled to the ground before she could get to the street and felt a hard kick to the ribs as someone held her down. The pain was so intense she wanted to cry, but there was no air left in her small body. The kick had winded her again, and she was left gasping as the strikes continued.

“You -fucking- bitch-” Mark huffed in between thuds of his shoes against her chest. He stopped the barrage and spit on the ground near her face. “If you thought it was going to be bad before- you have no idea what you’re in for now.”

The other guy moved from restraining Rose on the ground and grabbed her hair again. She was bleeding now, red smeared on her skin like blush.

“You’re gunna get it bitch, and you’re gunna be beggin we kill you.” He chuckled darkly and turned back to Mark, grabbing the knife again and holding it against her cheek.

Mark stood off to the side, eyeing her smugly as his nose dripped with his own blood. 

“First, we’re gunna start with cuttin off this pretty hair of yours.” He sneered, obviously enjoying himself.

Rose was barely hanging on to consciousness and felt a tear run down her cheek, knowing this would be her last night on this earth and these pricks were the last thing she’d ever see.

I tried, Dom.

I'm sorry. 

Suddenly, a figure landed behind the men with a powerful thud on the pavement.

“Now that’d be a shame to wreck her pretty hair, don’t ya think Leo?”

The men jumped at the gravelly voice behind them, and audibly gasped when three other figures emerged from the shadows.

One of them stepped closer.

“I believe you’re right, Raph. It looks like these boys don’t understand the meaning of chivalry.” The figure leaned down to look both trembling men in the face. “Let go of her. Now.”

The man holding her tightened his grip on her hair, and Rose could feel his hand shaking. She yelped from the pain and the first figure that had spoken growled under his breath.

“You gunna fuckin make me, freaks?!” The man sneered and flicked his knife in their direction. “Just leave us alone and we won’t hurt y-.” He had barely finished speaking when the first figure grabbed the man’s neck with one hand and lifted him off the ground.

He let go of Rose and the knife to grab at the massive fingers around his throat, and she sank to the ground unconscious as the blade clattered to the asphalt. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Raphael and his brothers had been cooped up for so long in the lair that they were all going a bit stir crazy.

Master Splinter had not been feeling well, so the team had stayed home to care for him in his old age for a week or so while he recovered. Donatello and Leonardo were the main care-takers, while Raphael and Michelangelo mostly tried to stay out of the way.

As a result, the two spent most of their time in the weight room, annoying their brothers with the constant clinking of metal all hours of the night.

Tensions had reached a boiling point this afternoon, when Donnie had been trying to nap on the couch. Mikey and Raph had snuck up behind the sofa and flipped it, sending their brother flying with a squawk as he flailed to the ground.

As a result, Mikey and Raph were sentenced to bathroom cleaning duty for a month, and once Sensei was tucked in for the night, the team headed out to patrol.

They had stopped for a moment atop an apartment building in the dark of the city, waiting and listening. Donnie had been combing through the police scanner, but it was a quiet night in NYC.

Well, as quiet as the city gets anyway, Raph thought.

There was the constant hum of cars, horns, and people bustling around 24/7, but he loved it.

New York was home, and even though they would never be able to live like humans, he still wouldn’t trade his life for the world.

As Raph was lost in the view of the city skyline, a yell from a few blocks over caught the turtle's attention.

The team jumped into action, headed to the source of the noise.

Each turtle had a different style of traveling from roof -to-roof, and Raphael laughed as he watched the youngest flip through the air over a billboard- Mikey loved to show off with his board any chance he got.

“It’s crazy that no one’s noticed ya Mike," Raph huffed as he swung over a gap between buildings, “with how much you mess around ya’d think we'dve gotten caught daily by now.”

“Oh you’re just jealous you don’t have my mad skills, dude” Mikey gloated, doing a front flip over the side of a ledge with a wink to prove his point.

The red banded turtle shook his head and smiled- as much as his brothers annoyed him, they were family, and he had to admit the guy had some serious acrobatic talent.

Not that he’d ever tell him to his face.

They arrived at a building overlooking an alley next to a dive bar, and saw two men entering the dark side street. Raph narrowed his eyes as he watched them, and froze when he saw their target.

A young woman leaned on the outside wall of the bar, clearly shaken and digging in her purse for something. In a moment the men were on her and she was knocked to the ground, gasping for air.

He jolted forward, but a firm hand on his arm signaled him to halt. It took everything in him to not rush down, but he knew better than to start a fight with Leo over “who the leader was” again.

He looked over to Leonardo, who eyed the scene for a moment before pointing to the nearest vantage point, and they made their way down to the alley.

As Raph moved, he watched the woman as the men spoke to her in hushed tones. Her hair was captivating and out of place in the dark alley, almost a copper halo of curls surrounding her face, and he couldn't help but stare as he climbed. 

Focus, gotta focus.

As they prepared to leap down into action, the woman did something that none of the turtles expected.

She broke one of the guys' noses and was running back to the street, yelling for help.

Raph almost smiled; this girl had some brass balls. She was in this life-or-death situation, and chose to fight her way out instead of cowering. 

“ Leo, we've got to get in there, but she’s too close to the street now. We’ll be seen.” Donnie looked down at the well-lit street and alley in front of them. There were cars passing by, but no pedestrians; so maybe she would get to the street so they could apprehend the men in the alley without her seeing them. 

“Yeah, Don. Just let me think for a minute.”

He was right.

They could not expose their family and risk their safety, but they also needed to uphold their oath to protect the citizens of this city.

It's their duty, as heroes of New York.

Leo huffed to himself and chewed at his lip as he kept his eyes focused on the scene in front of them. 

“Leo, we gotta get down there."

Raph was close to snapping. He watched in horror as the men caught up to her and took her down, beginning a fierce barrage of kicks to her chest.

“I ain't waitin’ Leo.”

Raph leapt off the building and landed behind the men, his brothers following suit. He figured he would have to answer for not following orders later, but he just couldn’t watch this happen.

His feet made a loud thud boom in the quiet darkness directly behind the men.

The woman was conscious but fading, and as Leo took the lead in trying to convince them to surrender quickly, Raph watched as the man that had a grip on her hair tightened it. She cried out in pain, a tear streaming down her face, and Raph lost all control he had over his anger. The guy said something to him, but he didn’t hear it.

Before he realized what he was doing, he was gripping the man’s throat in one hand and lifting him off the ground.

The prick was struggling and begging for his life, but all Raph could see was the beautiful woman on the ground, bruised and bleeding.

Mikey scooped her up in his arms, and Donnie began checking her vitals on his wrist scanner.

Raph could faintly hear Leo saying something, and it took a minute before he heard him clearly.

“Raph, put the guy down. Cops are enroute, and you’re going to kill him.”

He loosened his grip and let the unconscious male slip from his hands, slumping on the ground.

“Payback’s a bitch.” Raph chuckled darkly. Coming back to his senses, he felt a little guilty.

A little. 

“Donnie, is he dead?” Mikey's voice was steeped in worry as he poked his head over Raph's shoulder, the woman still cradled in his arms. 

The purple banded turtle looked over at the man before turning his attention back to the bigger problem at hand.

“No, just unconscious. She, however, is not doing well and will need medical treatment.”

Turning to Leo he commented as his fingers danced over his scanner, eyes scanning the digital displays, “I think they gave her some sort of drug. Her blood alcohol level is low, but she seems to be under the influence of something. I worry that a hospital would not know what to look for if we just dropped her off. I would be able to test and treat her in the lab- “

Donnie cut himself off as his monitor beeped.

“Her vitals are dropping, Leo. What’s your call?”

“Call Sensei and let him know we’re having company. Let’s move out boys.”

[hypmic-writings]

I'm sure the Buster Bros would be hella protective if they had a sister, doesn't matter if she's younger or older, they'll still be protective. So can we get some headcanons of the Buster Bros when their sister starts dating someone?

━━ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ━━

Pairings: Ichiro Yamada x sister!reader; Jiro Yamada x sister!reader; Saburo Yamada x sister!reader

Genre: Fluff; Platonic

Warnings: None

A/N: Aw, this one was super cute to do! I totally agree, they would all be really protective of their sister if they had one. Hope you enjoy~

⋘ ──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ──── ⋙

Ichiro Yamada

Ichiro has mixed emotions about you starting to date someone

on one hand, he's happy for you and really excited that you've found someone you like well enough to date

but on the other hand, he's a pretty protective brother and he's not going to want you to date just anyone

his first instinct will be to silently, internally try and figure them out while outwardly remaining friendly

that way he can make sure they're being genuine with you without giving away the fact that he's suspicious

so he's going to get the band together, recruiting Jiro and Saburo to help him gather intel about your significant other

he'd have Saburo run their name through all of his systems to find out if your significant other is doing anything illegal

and he would have Jiro reach out to his contacts to make sure that your significant other has a decent reputation

Ichiro himself would also do some sleuthing and he isn't above following the two of you in secret just to see what you get up to when you're both alone together

something he immediately regrets when the two of you start making mushy heart-eyes at each other

Ichiro isn't afraid to confront your significant other either if he feels that they're taking advantage of you

although he's not going to do that unless he has enough evidence because he knows how much you like them

Ichiro knows that he can't tell you who you can and cannot date, but that doesn't mean he won't try

if he thinks that your significant other is trying to take advantage of you in any way, he's going to tell you about it nonstop, constantly pushing you to cut things off with them

and I can imagine this leading to some arguments or fights between the two of you about your privacy

regardless, Ichiro will stay suspicious of your significant other until he's properly been proven that they're good for you

and once he's decided that your significant other is good for you and that he actually likes them, it's like a switch flips in his head

because now your significant other has been practically adopted into the Yamada clan

and Ichiro will always treat them just the way he would treat you or his brothers

he'd definitely end up getting pretty close to your significant other and would want them to think of him as their brother too

also, as soon as Ichiro gives your significant other his stamp of approval, Jiro and Saburo will immediately like them as well because they trust Ichiro's judgement too

Jiro Yamada

Jiro would actually be really excited that you're dating someone

his initial reaction would be to congratulate you, pulling you in and squeezing you into a headlock

Jiro's a pretty easy-going guy so he's not intimidated or bothered by the fact that you've decided to date someone

he'll want to know everything about them, of course, and he'll beg you for all the details

he's definitely going to be the sibling that you gossip with, telling him all the little cute and annoying things your significant other does

and like a true sibling, Jiro will back you up 100% on whatever you're feeling regardless of whether you're right or wrong

I feel like Jiro would have already met your significant other at some point while the two of you had just still been friends

maybe you brought them over to the house one day and Jiro casually met them

but he's a good people person so he remembered them easily and was happy that he didn't catch a bad vibe from them

Jiro would definitely still give your significant rundown the usual reckoning, telling them that they better treat you right and playfully saying that he'll beat them up if they hurt you

he'll say it jokingly with an elbow jab to the arm, but your significant other will see the hint of seriousness in his eyes that you miss

Jiro's not afraid to voice his opinion, so regardless of how he feels about your significant other, you'll hear about it

if Jiro initially likes them, it'll be all smiles and jokes

but if Jiro gets a bad vibe and doesn't really like them at first, he's going to tell you, and if you dismiss him he'll get annoyed

he's definitely the type to break you up if he senses your significant other is bad for you

and I can imagine him pulling Saburo along on some sort of whacky hijinks and plans to break the two of you up

which of course, always backfire and lead to Jiro just having to confront you and voice his concerns face to face

you think it's endearing that Jiro feels so strongly about making sure that you're dating a good person

but at the end of the day, you know your significant other the best and the choice will be up to you

on the whole, though, I think Jiro would be the Yamada brother that gets along best with your significant other

and I can definitely imagine the two of them having their own individual text chain of memes and only memes

Saburo Yamada

Saburo is completely surprised when he first finds out that you're dating someone

he always thought of you as his strong, independent sister, and you were always the one that he went to with problems

so to see you get mushy and weak in the knees for someone else definitely throws him for a loop

at first, Saburo is pretty intent on disliking your significant other

he doesn't like the way you let your guard down around them, and his default is to be suspicious of people and he's not a very naturally trusting person

so it'll take some time for him to warm up to the idea of you dating someone

especially since the Buster Bros have become more popular lately with all the hypnosis rap battles

Saburo would be wary that it was someone trying to use you to get to him and his brothers for some nefarious plan

obviously he knows that he doesn't get to dictate your love life, but he's still going to pull out all the stops

he's honestly going to do everything short of just telling you straight up because that would be too embarrassing for him

Saburo absolutely uses his hacking/computer skills to find out everything he can about the person you're dating

and at the end of it, he knows almost as much about them as you do, right down to the name of their first fish

he'll pull up their old school photos, names of friends and family, and anything that could remotely be incriminating

he'll also ask people around school if they know your significant other and what they've heard about them

he's not usually the type to pay attention to gossip, but he'll do anything when it comes to you and your safety

once he's convinced that your significant other isn't a bad person and genuinely wants to be with you, that's when he'll start to see them as your partner

he'd still want to meet them and I can imagine him getting pouty and drilling them with a million questions

and he'll be grossed out whenever you and your partner do something cute like kissing or cuddling

saying that the two of you should get your own room

but he'll be satisfied seeing in the end that you're happy and he'll give his nod of approval

don't expect him to be overly accepting of your significant other, and you'll have to give him a lot of space to like them on his own

but eventually, Saburo will come around and he'll welcome them as part of the family

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

[rinstars]

OATH.

PAIRING: Suna Rintarou x Fem!Reader

GENRE: Angst.

WC: 1.3k+

TAGS/WARNINGS: Hurt/Comfort (or maybe not). Suggestive themes. Profanity. Cursing. Slight use of petnames.

SYNOPSIS: Suna Rintarou never break a promise. Especially not to you.

NOTE: A famous Filipino song came on shuffle and prompted the birth of this fic. Can you guess which one?  HINT: It's a pretty old famous love song lmfaooo. Also again, I didn't proofread, deal with it hehe. REBLOGS are appreciated <3

LASTLY, PLEASE HELP ME DECIDE ON WHAT TO WRITE BY ANSWERING THIS FORM HEHE THANK U SO MUCH!!

He sent you a text message fifteen minutes ago. Nothing but a few simple words that somehow weighs you down every single time—like an anchor tied to your ankles and tossed to the ocean. Something that leaves you gasping for air. But you enjoy the cool breeze anyways.

I'm coming over.

Promises meant a lot to Suna. Even if the words weren't outwardly said, he treats the phrase like an unspoken promise between both of you. He always comes when he tells you he will. A little late, a little early, but never not.  And you wait for him. Over and over—in the raging storms, the summer breeze, the winter cold. At the break of dawn, the setting sun, beneath the midnight moon.

Because it was your side of the promise.

I'll be here.

The knocks on your door grow heavier each time. The longer you take to open the door the more you feel the constricting pain choking the life out of you. You drag your feet to the wooden entrance, fingers never getting used to the way the cold steel of the knob makes you want to cry. The ray of light that peeks from the small opening of the door blinds you—God, does it blind you, yet you open it wider. Welcoming the burn as he hastily pushes the door open.

You wish you were able to hide the flinch when he wrapped an arm around your wrist, pulling you closer to him as he buries a pale face down your neck. He probably didn't notice the shake from your body—seeing as he was shaking just as bad. The wetness on his shoulders going unnoticed as his own tears stain yours.

With a small tug, you are beneath him. On the other side of his endless praises, his sweet, sweet words. He kisses you like he's drowning as much as you and you let him. His fingers were no longer shaking when he pulls your underwear down, or at least tries to.

"Rin," you breathe out, pushing against his chest to get him off of you. "Will you talk to me first?"

He looks in your eye, unblinking, unmoving—and you could've sworn you were able to glimpse at the internal debate going on inside his mind. He hovers over you for a few more minutes before completely sitting straight with a sigh, nodding to himself as he offers a hand to you.

You take it, and you hold tight, and if you were given the gift to do what you wanted, Heaven knows you wouldn't have let go.

He notices, and he knows it. He has known for the longest time. Knows how this affects you—how you feel, how you hurt. So, he smiles at you and lets you hold on for as long as today's conversation permits.

"I just, fuck-- I don't know what to do." He swallows thickly, like he's holding back the tears from spilling. "I swear—shit do I fucking swear, that I try, I really try, yeah?"

"I know, Rin," you squeeze his hands a little tighter, thumb running over his knuckles as a poor attempt in comforting. "But sometimes, things just don't work out the way we want it to. You know that."

His eyes look over to you, the gentle smile on your face laced with something he would rather not think about too much. He thinks you're right—you're always right. He couldn't remember a time when you were wrong.

"Then," he crawls over to you slowly, fingers trailing a path from your temples to your jaw before settling there and tugging your bottom lip—a silent request from his breaking heart.

Closing your eyes, you released a shaky breath before slowly opening them and continuing with your constant reject. "Then let's stop doing this. I just—you know this isn't right, Rin."

It's almost like something clicked in him the moment you said that. The fog in his eyes clearing as the hand holding your jaw drops to his side. You ignore the pain building up your chest, the sensation almost numbing, as you wait for him to agree. He will, you thought. He always listens to you.

"Yeah, yeah," He almost chuckles humorlessly, throwing his head back on the couch. "Bet she really wouldn't take me back if she found out I run over to you again, right?"

Turning your head to the side, you hope you blinked the tears fast enough for him to not see. Of course, it's her. It has always been her. He never really calls you when he's not going through another rough patch with his girlfriend, never meets up unless he wants to find solace between your legs, never really smiles at you that often

"Rin, we—" you bite your lip to prevent it from shaking, tightening your hold on his fingers to hide the tremble. "We need to stop doing this. She loves you, and—God, do I know how much you love her."

He smiles at nothing, like a fond memory is replaying in his head, the next few syllables breaking you more than you think it should. "Yeah, I do."

This time, you decide to finally show your tears, enough pretending as you prepare yourself for what's about to come. "S-suna, I really—you see, I loved being with you. I adore you and you're probably someone I'd never be able to forget ever, you know?"

He turns his body as he faces you, the hairs falling on his forehead too irresistible for you to not fix. He eyes you with a mix of confusion and recognition—like he knows where this is going but needs you to say it for him.

"Me too, princess."

"I've been meaning to say goodbye a few months ago," you sniffed, looking down on your lap as you lose all the strength to stare back at the eyes you've grown to love. "But I thought maybe I'll let another winter pass. I know how much you break in this weather."

He laughs with you at that—the humor lost in the sea of regret and pain, eyes glossing over but he didn't understand why. Maybe you meant a lot more to him that he cares to admit. And he isn't sure what to do with it, doesn't recognize it clear enough to come up with a course of action.

"I love you, Rin."

Snapping him out of his thoughts, you could notice the faint flinch on his fingers. Hearing you choke up the words like this, vulnerable and broken in front of him, almost made him want to be irrational again. How do you break someone who's done nothing but mend you?

He has known for the longest time. The suspicion always lingering on the back of his head and yet hearing you say it doesn't compare to the amount of times he's run the scenario up his head, finding the right way to respond.

"I know."

"And it's hurting me so, so bad." The cracks in your voice almost mirroring the ones in your heart, hand flying up to your face like you wanted nothing more than to hide. The pain, the tears, the love.

"I know, princess." He repeats, hands tugging yours so you can hide your face on his neck, sobbing onto him the way he's always done with you. He keeps your head there—partly because he knows showing his own tears will just make this harder. "You take care, yeah? Love someone who really deserves it next time."

"I'm not—I w-won't be here next time, Rin. Sorry for breaking my promise."

"In the next life, princess," He kisses your temple, threading long fingers through your hair, a shaky voice accompanying his next words. "I'll come over to you."

[ayukaze]

Writer’s Month - 2

Wow, not me writing something for two days in a row? This one is a stand-alone oneshot for now, but I think there is a lot of potential for a sequel, I even have some part of it clearly planned out so if time allows me to sit down with my laptop sooner than later, I’ll work on that! 

Fandom/Pairing: Digimon/Mimato (friendship, yes I am capable of writing something other than romance between these two hahahaaa) 

Prompt: Coffee shop setting, cold (Yamato is very cold here, it’s actually kinda angsty) 

Setting: Post Tri but pre Kizuna. Yamato is in his first year of college and Mimi is in her last year of high school. The basis for this fic is solely the dialogue in To Sora, I wanted to explore the idea of Mimi and Yamato growing closer and having important conversations with each other, but it had to have a rocky start and this is that rocky start! 

~

“I’ll have a venti matcha berry frappe, nonfat, refrigerated chilled milk, absolutely no ice, extra whipped cream, which, make sure, is layered perfectly, with three pumps of caramel syrup and two of vanilla.”

He could feel his manager’s eyes boring into his back, so Yamato did what any other good employee in his place would, he kept a straight face and diligently noted down the customer’s request before moving on to ringing it up without once bothering to look at the girl standing behind the counter or ask for her name. He wondered if his manager would find it strange, that he hadn’t taken the customer’s name, but seeing as Yamato was already putting all his effort into concentrating well on his job and not explode on the brunette who seemed to take some pleasure out of his misery, he decided that he was allowed this one slip and he’d deal with his manager later, since the bigger problem was in front of him, eyeing him with a teasing glint in her caramel eyes as he picked up the paper cup and moved over to the work station to begin working on her order. He did however, kept a track of what his manager was doing from the corner of his eye, and the minute the older man was out of sight, Yamato breathed a sigh of relief and spun on his feet.

“Please Mimi, by all means, go ahead and make my job more difficult.” Yamato seethed, managing to keep his voice low so as to not attract any attention to them.

“Well, if you’re going to ask that nicely.” Mimi smirked, as always she had the upper hand in the conversation due to the safety guaranteed by being a customer at the shop.

“Just take the drink and go, let me work in peace.” Yamato attempted to maintain a superior tone as he begged her to leave, turning again to add the finishing touches to her order as quickly as he could, before his superior caught whiff of his not so welcoming attitude towards their customers.

“Now where’s the fun in that?” Mimi beamed at him, as she accepted the finished product from his hand, her fingers brushed against his for a brief moment, suddenly making Yamato hyper aware of the spot at the back of his hand.

“Don’t you have anything better to do? Entrance exams to worry about?” He asked exasperatedly, she seemed too carefree for someone who was in the last year of their high school, remembering his own experience of it from the previous year.

Mimi scoffed in reply, waving a hand in the air to brush aside his concern for her education, instead of turning to make her way out of the store now that she had received her order, she settled on the empty bar stool on the other side of the pick-up counter, resting one elbow on the counter top as she took careful sips of her drink from the other hand. He watched her like a hawk, Yamato wouldn’t put it past the brunette to make fake claims about the taste of the drink just to get him into trouble. 

This had been going on for a few months now, every time he had a shift during her after school hours, Mimi would make it her life’s purpose to show up and annoy him to no extent. He’d attempted to explain to her, that he really needed to keep this job to maintain his life expenses, but apparently the pleasure she took from watching him stumble around while making coffee seemed to take precedent over his livelihood.

Of course, Mimi wasn’t the only one to blame here, if only his roommate at the college dorm wasn’t a bigger pain in the ass, Yamato would never had have to take up this part-time job in the first place. When he had complained to his father about not being able to get along well with his roomie, instead of agreeing to raise his monthly allowance so that Yamato could move out and rent a place of his own, his father had promptly told him that as an adult, he should learn to solve his own problems from now on. Yamato had half a mind to remind his father that him and his friends had not only solved the Digital World’s problems on multiple occasions, but also saved their own world by doing so, but he had stayed quiet and accepted his fate. On Takeru’s recommendation he had taken up a part-time job at this popular coffee joint, the pay was decent and the hours weren’t too bad and well Yamato always had had a knack for being good in the kitchen, so it had been suiting his purposes of saving up to move out of the college dorm as soon as possible just well.

Until Mimi happened to walk in one day and decided to take matters into her own hands.

She had been surprised to see him behind the counter, and at first she had just been curious, about what he was doing here or what he had been up to since the graduation ceremony. Yamato had to admit, that ever since he had graduated high school, he’d finally understood what Jou had been struggling with for the longest time, it wasn’t easy to maintain friendships when one was thrust with the responsibility of taking care of every single aspect of their lives and somehow pursue studies on which one’s future life depended at the same time. He considered himself lucky, if he was able to have a phone conversation with Takeru that lasted more than 5 minutes in a day. So he hadn’t been wary of Mimi popping up every now and them, updating him about her and Koushiro’s school life, and sometimes Jou’s and Sora’s too. It gave him a way to stay connected with everyone without having to make time for them, and while he did feel guilty about this on multiple occasions, he was grateful for it too.

That was before Mimi got bored with just talking about their lives, and decided to spice up their encounters by getting him to light trouble with his manager. It was usually just silly little things like claiming he got her order wrong or giving extremely complicated and hard to follow requests, and she had never pulled something huge that would seriously get Yamato in trouble, but it was still frustrating and it ruined his mojo for the rest of his shift.

There was also the question of why Mimi had suddenly taken such a liking to spending time with him, of all people, since they had never been close enough for a relationship like this. They’d spent time together before sure, and they’d had their fair share of agreements and disagreements when it came to matters related to the Digital World, but apart from that Yamato could barely remember any interactions with her that didn’t circle back to the Digital World or their Digimon Partners. So the thought always nagged at him, at the back of his head, when she would appear with a skip in her step and fix him with one of the brightest smiles he knew.

But then she would go on to do something diabolical, and he’d be reminded of how similar she was to his little brother, which led to him missing Takeru and left him irritated and wishing for her to leave.

Pulling himself out of his thoughts, Yamato turned his attention towards the brunette sitting in front of him, she had set down the drink on the counter top and was currently surveying the store with her bright eyes, the mischievous glint in them indicating that she was just looking for something that could serve as prop of the day in interfering with his work. Relieved that he had caught her while she was still in her planning phase, Yamato decided to take control of the situation before his manager returned and reprimanded him for being rude to their customers.

“You really don’t have anything better to do?” Yamato began icily, making Mimi turn her gaze towards him, the challenging look on her face seemed to put the last nail to his patience’s coffin as he snapped at her, “Don’t you have any friends?”

He regretted it the minute those words left his mouth, biting his tongue in an attempt to stop himself from groaning outwardly.

The effect on Mimi was immediate, all colour drained from her face and her eyes shone with a blanket of tears just waiting to fall, but with a single blink she managed to keep them at bay and faced him with a hardened look as she replied quietly, “I thought that’s what we were.”

And before Yamato could make any attempts to take back his statements or even begin to apologize for his behaviour, Mimi was out of the door, leaving behind her drink on the counter and without sparing a single glance in his direction.

Yamato allowed himself to groan out loud when he picked up her cup to clear the counter and found that it was still heavy, she had barely begun to drink it. He couldn’t help but chide himself internally, for missing on something that was so obvious, for even deliberating on an answer that was right in front of his eyes this entire time.

Yamato couldn’t believe that he, of all people, had missed out on the signs of their budding friendship, had pushed it aside as nothing but an occasional nuisance within his routine. 

His optimistic side hoped that he would just explain himself to her when she’d show up tomorrow, even offer her her favourite drink for free as a token of his apology, but a tiny voice at the back of his head reminded him, that there was no way Mimi would come back to spend time with him after this.

Unfortunately, it was the tiny voice that prevailed in its prediction, as Mimi didn’t show the next day or the one after that, or after that.

At first Yamato consoled himself by devoting himself to the tasks at hand, happy to finally be able concentrate on his work, he managed to win praises from his manager on multiple occasions which pushed Mimi’s absence from his surroundings out of his head, and for a while it worked.

But then there were slow days, when he didn’t have much to do but stand behind the counter and look at all the people sitting around in groups of twos and threes, laughing and chatting loudly as they sipped their coffees and munched on their food. The sight would tug on an invisible string in his heart, make him long for Mimi’s teasing smile as she rattled off with an order comprising of the most incompatible ingredients, laughing loudly at the look of horror that would take over his face as he wrote down her instructions. There were days when the shop would be eerily silent, and he’d hear her voice in his head, telling him about something that had happened at school. There were days when someone would walk by with a pet, cuddling it and showering it with affection, making him miss Gabumon’s soft fur and he’d instinctively turn towards the pick-up counter, hoping to tell Mimi about it but was met with emptiness instead.

He hadn’t realised, just how much he had managed to share with her during their encounters, and how he had begun to depend on her company to get him through his mundane work life. And in true Yamato fashion, he had gone ahead and messed it all up by thinking about things from only his perspective.

His father’s words echoed in his mind once again, he had to learn to solve his own problems, and what better time to start than now?

[somersetmummy]

(A/N) This is a TNA one shot, taking place immediately following book 1 chapter 12 (the gala balcony scene). Characters, some storyline and some dialogue property of Pixelberry.

Story told from point of view of MC Katie Hide. Internal character thoughts are written in italics.

I tried to think about how they would get through the rest of the gala after their little extra curricular activities on the balcony….so here it is!

Original characters: Katie Hide (MC), Sam Dalton, Vivienne Dalton, Mason Sr Dalton, Carter

New characters: Laney, Ryan

Content warning: Some light adult language

Summary: Nanny Katie Hide and her boss Sam Dalton finally take their relationship to the next step on the night of the gala, but just when they should be feeling elated, things spiral quickly. Can they get through the rest of the evening together now that things have changed for good?

Word count: 3462 (I’m out of control!)

- Bonus social edits at the end -

Alone on the balcony, looking out over the city's twinkling lights, she should've been basking in the afterglow of the best sex of her life but instead she feels empty. Her resolve held strong in front of Sam as he skulked off seemingly full of regret but now, her mind races through every minute detail of what had just happened.

Instead of taking the time to carefully ingrain every delicious detail of their time together into her memory, she painfully second guessed every move, every touch, every whispered promise. Once her exhausted mind began to fray she decided to sweep the whole thing under the carpet determined to save face, for now. Collecting herself, she absentmindedly ran her fingers up and down her arms, goose bumps standing proud, finally giving in to the cold night air.

On her way back towards the ballroom, while wondering how the hell she was going to get through the rest of the evening, she prolongs her return to reality by ducking into one of the lavish bathrooms to freshen up.  The room is quiet, an older lady leaves as she enters, another younger girl, probably around her age, is refreshing her makeup by one of the opulent vanity's. She sits down on the plush velvet ottoman in the middle of the vanity area with a sigh, not really sure what to do next.

"Well you look like you've been through the ringer!"

Turning towards the kind voice, the girl who was doing her makeup, a warm glow pours out to her as the stranger looks her up and down with genuine concern. Her face is one of those which feels familiar, like someone she could’ve known her whole life. It is enough to encourage her to open up a little and feels like a relief to have someone to talk to after feeling so alone out on that balcony.

"I'm sort of having the best night of my life as well as the worst. And to top it all off I've left my purse in the main room..." She gestures towards her untidy hair and slightly smudged makeup by way of an explanation.

The stranger offers a knowing look in reply.

“So are you here with someone? Your dress is divine by the way."

Smoothing the front of her dress, Katie replies absentmindedly, "Oh no, I'm just here with my boss, filling in an empty seat at the last minute." Hesitant to share more with someone she'd just met, she kept the more intimate details to herself.

"Me too, well sort of. I'm a stylist, one of my clients insisted I join them to make sure they look perfect all night long, god forbid her dress creases when she sits down for dinner!" She waves Katie over to the vanity and the open make up case. "Here, use whatever you need." She continues watching as Katie gratefully grabs a brush and some powder. "I'm really just starting out but figure these sorts of events are great publicity if I can dress the right people. I mean they're all living on another planet of course but they love to be in the spotlight and gush about their outfits, which is great for me!"

The pair chat easily together for a while before Katie glances at the time on her phone screen realising she'd been gone much longer than anticipated. She’d enjoyed having an ally and getting her mind off the car crash of a moment with Sam, truth be told, she’d much rather stay here in the safety of her mirrored cave and the kindness of a stranger than plaster a smile on her face and return to the Dalton’s table. With a wistful smile she turns to the stranger.

"I suppose I should be getting back, although I can't say I'm looking forward to it."

"I'm Laney by the way." She holds her hand out to Katie and they share a gentle shake.

"I'm Katie. I've really enjoyed hiding out in here with you, thanks for everything." Leaving Laney to pack up the overly large purse full of beauty treasures, Katie heads back towards the bustling ballroom. Barely making it into the room, Laney breathlessly catches up to her holding out a business card.

"Hey, I thought maybe we could meet up for a coffee sometime, you know if you want to have someone in the real world to spend time with!" She points over to someone across the room and continues animatedly, "You said you went to NYIT right? I'm sure my friend Ryan would love to meet you too, he did his Grad course there and always loves a trip down memory lane!"

Taking the card, Katie’s eyes are drawn to Sam over Laney's shoulder. He looks just as he did before the balcony, the ever professional businessman, as if nothing had ever happened. He gives a slight tip of his head in Katie’s direction, motioning for her to join him back at the table.

The new friends share a quick hug promising to catch up soon and she makes her way over to Sam who won't quite meet her eye. Despite the frostiness between them, he's a gentleman at heart and doesn't think twice about pulling out her chair, tucking it in gently as she sits. As the bustle of dinner being served continues around them, the thorny silence between them grows thick with unspoken feelings.

After a whirlwind of Sam and his parents catching up over the exploits of various family friends and tales of the boys, Vivienne turns to smile at Katie.

"Now dear, we're being rude talking around you as though you're not here. Sam tells me you're quite the budding scientist yourself?"

She looks to Sam to see him offering a helpless smile and shrug of the shoulders and can’t help but wonder whether he’d shared anything about his previous employees with his mother, or if she was the first. As Katie pulls her eyes away from Sam’s, she pushes down all the feelings which bubbled up inside her and plasters on her most professional smile.

"Yes, Mrs Dalton, I have a Masters in Chemistry and up until recently was managing projects for Panacea Labs."

Being the expert that she is at reading people, Katie astutely notices how Mr Dalton’s ears prick, he clearly didn't know that there was more to her than being 'just a nanny', whatever that means.

"Please dear, you're practically family, call me Vivienne."

A warm glow fills her body at the thought of being accepted into the fold of the Dalton family. Smiling back at Vivienne, she continues to share stories of her experiences in the industry, her passion for science and her love for exploring through the twins eyes.

"Mickey and Mason are such a brilliant example of how a love of science can be developed at a young age. They're so curious and passionate about exploring, it's such a pleasure to be a part of."

Next to her, barely able to disguise the pride he feels for her, Sam tries his best to remain outwardly impassive while watching the rest of the table listen attentively, completely captivated by her storytelling. He'd meant it earlier on the balcony when he'd agreed that she was meant to be by his side, a partner not a secret he had to hide his feelings for. He just didn't know how to make it a reality, trapped within his own life. But in this moment, his feelings bubble to the surface and it takes everything he has not to take her in his arms in front of everyone and let them come flooding out for all to see.

After all, it wasn’t Katie’s fault that his true feelings for her hit him like a tonne of bricks earlier that evening while he watched her effortlessly talk Selene into keeping her shares. In front of his parents no less. Right there, everything he loves about her shone out for everyone to see and he realised he was deeply and helplessly in love. It just wasn’t with his fiancée. Hell that's the reason he took Katie out to the balcony in the first place, to steal a moment to share how he really feels but as always he was too much of a coward to do anything about it in fear or letting everyone else down and jeopardising his sons future.

He knows that the only way to try to push through it all is to detach himself from Katie as much as possible, even if it means becoming the bad guy. In his mind, she deserves better, she deserves the damn fairytale and that's just not something he's able to give.

As they move through the plentiful courses of dinner, Mason Sr continues to interrogate Katie on her knowledge and opinions of various scientific and business theories, although his directness falters as the meal goes on and they both seem to enjoy the lively debates. Vivienne occasionally interjects with questions of her own about Katie’s family, her life back in England and whether it's difficult to be far from home. To Katie, it almost feels like she’s on a 'meet the parents' date which in her mind could be going a lot worse.

When coffee is finally offered, Mason Sr stands abruptly, eyes focussed on Sam.

“Ladies, while this evening's discussions have been...interesting, I think it's time we get down to some business." He nods curtly at Sam before gesturing towards a quieter bar area off the back of the room.

Sam stands to follow him but not before turning to Katie and instinctively placing a hand on her shoulder. She involuntarily shudders at his touch as her mind races back to the last time they touched on the balcony.

"This shouldn't take too long, will you be ok here?"

"Of course she will darling, I'm not going to bite her!" Vivienne cuts in before she can reply. Sam nods in approval towards her and lingers for a moment before walking away to meet his father. Katie's shoulder still tingling at the memory of his touch.

Katie looks across the ballroom taking in the general splendour and jovial atmosphere while Vivienne takes the opportunity to really look at her, contemplating how much to share with her. After taking a few sips of coffee, she turns herself to fully face Katie and offers a warm smile.

"I can see why the boys are so taken with you...all of them."

The honesty of her comment takes Katie by surprise. Unsure how to respond, she slowly turns to meet Vivienne’s eye, raising her eyebrow slightly in question.

"You're all the things Sam said you were. He was right when he told me we'd get on well."

The intensity of Vivienne’s gaze is so strong Katie daren't look away.

"I want to thank you for everything you've done for them all. They've come alive again since having you in their life. Poor Sara was taken from him far too soon, from us all really...it was all so hard on Sam and the boys." She trails off clearly lost in memory. "I know he cares for you and wants you to feel part of the family."

“Shit” she thinks to herself. Feeling like a rabbit caught in headlights, Katie's mind races. Does she know? How can she, they've only met once before, surely that's not enough to make her suspicious?

"I think Sam's just taken pity on me because I'm so far from home and he knows I don't have any family around. He and the boys have been so gracious in making me feel welcome."

Hoping she sounds convincing she takes a sip of coffee, relishing the opportunity to hide her blushing cheeks behind the cup. Vivienne suddenly looks up with Katie follow her gaze over her shoulder. Behind her, Laney is standing with a cowboy-next-door handsome man in tow, a welcome interruption. His dirty blonde hair is slightly unkempt, his frame more lean than Sam's but he still carries an athletic look, he smiles charmingly at Katie.

“Excuse me" Laney directs to Vivienne before turning to speak to Katie. “This is my friend Ryan who I was telling you about earlier."

Katie reaches out to shake his hand which he is already holding out towards her.

"I hear you're a fellow NYIT grad? You look far too respectable to have hung out in the sort of dives I used to find myself in!"

"Try me..." she challenges with a twinkle in her eye.

Laney rolls her eyes with boredom and escapes, business card in hand, to fawn over an awkwardly dressed woman at another table.

"Would you like to dance? I promise not to break out the old NYIT match day chant moves!"

She can't help but laugh at his natural charm. After looking to Vivienne, who waves her hand in approval, she lets Ryan lead her out to the dance floor where they sway together at ease in each other's company reminiscing. It’s a far cry from the intimate dance with Sam earlier that evening, instead Katie could relax into it knowing that she wasn’t trying to hide anything, and it felt freeing.

As Sam's discussion, or more accurately argument, with his father comes to an end he heads back to the table where he notices his mother is sitting alone.

“Where's Katie?" He asks forgetting to hide the panic in his voice, worried for the second time that evening, after she had disappeared to the bathroom for half an hour, that Katie had thought better of compromising herself for him and fled the gala.

Vivienne nods towards the dance floor, Sam's eyes follow and a bolt of jealousy hits him right in the heart as he sees her in the arms of another man.

With a steely glare he starts towards her but is stopped by Vivienne's hand firmly holding him back by his arm.

“Leave her be, she's enjoying herself."

Letting out an almost inaudible sigh he sits down next to his mother but can't pull his eyes away, so enthralled that his mother's voice is almost a whisper in the background.

"She really is wonderful darling, I know even your father is impressed, of course he'll never say it." Her arm still resting on his, she studies Sam's face before continuing, "What a shame you’d not met her sooner.”

Allowing himself for a moment to hope that his mother's glowing reference suggests she is in approval of his relationship with Katie becoming something more, Sam smiles and leans forward ready to gush even more. He catches himself just in time as the ever repeating voices in his head remind him of his responsibility and everyone else's expectations of him, instead he brings it back to the boys.

"Yes she's brilliant with Mason and Mickey, they're lucky to have her."

Dancing and talking together with Ryan, Katie had almost forgotten about Sam and their earlier tryst on the balcony, grateful for the distraction and if she was being honest the attention. It's not every day that she goes to the effort of dressing up at the last minute and schmoozes the un-scmoozable to help her sort-of-boyfriend look good, it's nice to have someone sweep her off her feet and put her first for once.

"Your boyfriend doesn't seem too happy about us dancing together" Ryan nods towards Sam who is trying to get their attention, his parents behind him appear to be getting ready to leave.

"He's not my boyfriend."

Ryan's eyes widen sensing an opportunity. “Well I guess that's good news for me...can I call you sometime, take you out for dinner?"

She drops her gaze, shaking her head slightly.

“I'm sorry, I don't think it's a good idea..." trailing off, he gently lifts her chin to look up at him.

"But you're single...?"

"No, I...it's...it's complicated" she stutters while looking over his shoulder at Sam, who looks less than thrilled.

"Well, if you change your mind, Laney has my number." With that, he kisses her hand and watches the silk of her gown cling to her hips as she walks away.

Returning to the table, Mason Sr takes Katie’s hand and shakes it almost warmly.

“Pleasure to see you again Katie. Excellent damage control with Selene earlier...very impressive."

He moves to Sam, impassively shaking his hand as Vivienne envelopes her in a hug, kissing each cheek.

"Wonderful to see you again dear, give those grandsons of mine one of these from me!"

Katie smiles tenderly back at her, nodding in agreement.

After the Dalton's leave, Katie and Sam remain at the table, sipping their drinks in awkward silence, steadily interrupted by acquaintances of Sam's wanting to talk business. Finally, noticing Katie’s arm propping up her tired head, Sam stands.

“I think that's enough shop talk for one night, let's get you home."

Waiting for the limo to pull to the front of the building Sam notices her shiver in the cold night air. He takes off his jacket and wraps it around her shoulders, the most contact they’ve had all evening since being intertwined on the balcony together. His gaze lingers on hers, neither able to look away. She tries to read his thoughts as she looks deep into his eyes but all she sees is a muddle of pain, confusion and longing. It doesn't make her feel any better.

"Mr Dalton..." the driver says with a small cough as he stands by the open limo door.

Sam pulls away and walks her over to the limo with his hand hovering behind the small of her back, not daring to touch. Once settled in their seats it doesn't take long for the gentle motion of the car to send Katie to sleep, her head lulling and dropping onto Sam's shoulder.

It takes everything he has for him not to wrap his arms around her, his mind conflicted thinking of the nights events. The incredible connection they shared on the balcony, the fire within him burning hotter and brighter than ever before, his mother's glowing review, hell even his father had been impressed and suggested during their conversation in the bar that Katie’s role within the Dalton empire might be wasted as just a nanny. But none of these thoughts could quite suppress his feelings of guilt at falling for another woman, his responsibility to his sons, the business and their legacies. At least not in his mind.

Back in the penthouse, Sam makes his way into the open plan living area to find, thinking him for his help with the boys. Katie hangs back, not wanting to make small talk in front of Carter, who is incredibly astute and would no doubt piece together that things were not as they seemed.

"Miss Hide, you're a vision!"

Walking towards the elevator, Carter beams at her like a proud dad seeing his daughter on her wedding day.

“I didn't get the chance to see you before you left, my my..."

"Thank you Carter. And thank you for watching the boys, I hope they weren't too much trouble?!"

He taps his nose, keeping secret whatever mischief they got up to that evening. She smiles back at him knowingly as he steps into the elevator and the doors close.

As she turns back towards the living room she is halted by Sam standing right in front of her, so close, she almost crashes into him. Sheepishly she hands him his jacket as he offers a bottle of water in exchange.

‘You should never go to bed dehydrated" he blurts out, trying to fill the gaping silence.

“Sam...."

"Goodnight Katie, thank you for your help this evening, I appreciate you coming."

Unable to muster up enough energy to argue push any further, Katie drops her gaze to the floor as she shakes her head disappointedly. She walks away without a word, her heart aching more than she thought possible.

TAG List: @shewillreadyou @chemist-ana @txemrn @silma-words @thefrenchiemama @secretaryunpaid @sfb123

- Bonus - photo posted by Katie the morning after followed by a conversation with Jenny (before Sam drops the Italy bombshell and she was supposed to have the day off!)

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

I would agree with the other person who said that j+p had a thing going on but Paul was more detached from it than John was. In my own analysis (all for fun of course) I would think that that’s how it went but Paul had more internalized homophobia than John did and wanted to detach himself as a way of protecting soemthing about himself. John didn’t have those hang ups and got annoyed/hurt by Paul because of it. A lot of Paul’s songs that could be about/to John all sound steeped in regret and longing because he regretted how he handled things and because he was too late to fix it.

This is just me and it’s all for fun but what do you think?

Id probably agree that John was more comfortable with his sexuality in later life then Paul was (assuming Paul is bi, and I think its important to note that im only referring to him as bi here hypothetically and only for speculative purposes; its okay to speculate, but also he identifies as straight and I think it is always crucial that we respect that <3) (<<< not having a go at anyone there btw, just wanted to make a quick note of it y'know).

Johns a bit of dilemma, because it seems he was simultaneously secure in his position as an outsider and a misfit, but also deeply, deeply insecure of it. I think there was always a form of alienation underpinning John throughout his entire lifetime (but maybe thats just projection lol). Whereas Paul I feel like didn't experience the same sort of alienation John did - im sure Paul felt a bit unique and stuff y'know, and im not saying he has no insecurities, but with Paul (presumably) being a much more stable, headstrong and confident person (because he appears to have had a more loving and stable upbringing) I think he's always sort of known he can fit in with people; always been a bit more of an extrovert maybe (?).

I think possibly another thing to note is that Paul did come from a more working-class background then John, and so I think that that is largely why he has always had this compulsion to maintain some of that 'average bloke' spirit in him - which I don't think is necessarily a bad thing; like I think its great that Paul tried to ensure his kids didnt grow up spoilt and materialistic etc. But I guess having that security of always having been a relatively normal person, as well as having this desire to remain a bit of an ‘average joe’ (again, obviously Paul is very special, but I just mean normal in the sense that he's appears to have always been friendly and likeable and able to relate to other people etc.) maybe makes coming to terms with any homosexual urges more difficult. Paul appears to be comfortable with his sexuality (eg. When Howard Stern asked him something like "have you had any gay experiences?", Paul didn't react all, "ewwwww no!!!!" instead he just reacts like a regular fuckin' human being, saying something like, "I haven't actually, no"). But I suppose my point might be more about if Paul does have internalised homophobia, it might not be to the extent that he feels he has to portray himself as this hyper-masculine caricature or anything, but more so that he wouldn't have the confidence to step so far out of the social norms as to enter a gay relationship. Like I think Paul kind of likes having this balance between being a very unique individual, but also being a very normal, average bloke y'know.

John on the other hand, I get the sense he was sort of more okay with his sexuality because he already understood that he doesn't fit in. Like I think at some point he realised there is this alienation that is just never gonna leave him, so he might as well sort of embrace those eccentricities rather then fight them (but that doesn’t mean I think he became a confident person or anything; people can embrace their eccentric nature outwardly but still have a deep self-loathing within them).

And so if they did have a casual fling and John wanted more, it does feel like it would make sense for Paul to want to keep it casual. He's okay with his sexuality to the extent that he doesn't overreact if someone questions it, he's supportive of gay people and he's not even concerned about platonically kissing another man (see the video of him giving Elton John a friendly kiss) - and I think, whether he's straight or bi, its great that he's comfortable with all of this - but if he had had a further gay experience with John, I think he wouldn't have taken it into a full-fledged relationship, because I think he wanted a wife and kids, because he does enjoy conventionality to a large extent. Whereas John I think wasn't really looking for a wife and kids and stuff (I mean he already had Cyn and Jules, and it doesn't seem like he was that interested in living a particularly domestic lifestyle y'know).

PS what songs are you thinking about with the last part? Ive got a few ideas of the type I think you're on about, but it might make it easier for me to address and analyse them directly <3

[shhhlikeme]

“Losty Aone” / “Losty Mountain Man🏔” Series: 

Outtake Collection #16:

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A/N: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii babies!!!!!!!!!! Let’s fucking goooooooooooooo! I’m excited for y’all to read this juicy marathon. As of right now, I am unsure of how many collections it will be but it’s going to be one of the longest marathons ii. Check back every 20 minutes or so if you caught this immediately. Oh and I will be trying again to put my post under a read more but if it fucks up an deletes half the chapter again I am DONE and I TRIED okay??? xo

***ALSO I did not add my taglist to the last marathon so you guys might have missed collections 13-15!!!!***

TABLE OF CONTENTS

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Your Losty Heartbreak and Your Spy Kids Debut 😎🖊📚

Sigh. The curse of being a young adult, I tell ya. 

You are annoyed. 

Yes, two months after the breakup you are still completely heartbroken, even though, yes, it was your genius idea to break up with the love of your life: a man that girls only dream about having as a S/O….

but it was a selfless decision.

Aone Takanobu deserved more, better… than you. That was your rationale.

It’s not fair of you to just accept the perfect man because he was lost enough to lock onto you and not someone on his level. 

While it was a selfless decision , it was still a decision you selfishly regretted because …you were so in love with that man at the time that you did it….

You are….

But you will stifle those emotions so that he can get over you and hopefully see his own worth. 

But that didn’t mean you couldn’t be annoyed. Because you were. And at what, exactly? Well:

After dating and breaking up with him, Aone had females constantly approaching him. A/N: Not constantly but it felt that way for you ofc lol

You guess it’s nice that the females of Date Teko gave him the courtesy of one month to get over you but STILL!

Kusa and Katana said that Takanobu’s admirers shot up because everyone witnessed how he treated you, how amazing he was to you, and they fell for that along with his looks.

Your ex’s new admirers are hoping they can get a man that just as inwardly beautiful as he is outwardly and hopefully he will like them, too

In other words: They want what you had. 

And what did you want? 

Well:

You wanted to rip some hair out. Yours or theirs? You’ll leave that up to subjective interpretation. 

EVERY TIME you walked past your ex—that you still love—’s locker there was some brat or another staring up at him in admiration like he was Mount fucking Everest. 

You wanted to scream. 

but isn’t this what you wanted, Y/N? Your Mountain man to find someone else? Your conscience would ask. 

Shut the hell up, conscience. You’d bark back. 

You heard from Katana who was keeping tags on his every admirer that he denied them all dates (which defeats the purpose of your break-up, but you smiled nonetheless) but that Aone did agree to host a study session with a group of girls that apparently begged/needed his help in all subjects before finals. 

give me a fucking break, you and your conscious agreed.

“Ugh. He’s too kind for his own good. Can’t he see those girls just want an excuse to be near him?!?!” You raged about the study session as you peered closely through the passenger side window to make sure that Kusa got inside her house safely. It was 6pm, and you had just heard the news while on the way home from dinner at your favourite restaurant. Katana drove. From her doorstep, Kusa waved at you before closing her door.  

This Saturday, your best friends forced you on your first outing since the breakup, dressing you and even doing your makeup despite your complaining about leaving the house. You had to admit that the food that you did order at the restaurant was decent enough, but really—you would much prefer to still be in bed, flipping through pictures of Aone and Perdu and having a good cry.

Katana rolled her eyes as she stopped at a red light, responding to your initial question. “Ugh. Yeah, they are smarter than we thought. But you’re okay with this, right? I mean this is what you said you  wanted when you broke up with him. You said you want him to find a new girl,”” Katana fished for your true feelings, sounding a lot like your annoying conscience. 

You sulked, picturing other females near the man you are in love with. It made you sick. But, instead, you said, “Of course I am Okay with it. I want him to be the happiest he can be.”

Katana fixed her eyes on the road and bit her tongue so that she wouldn’t laugh. 

You had no idea why you weren’t being fully honest with your friends, but perhaps it made you believe it more the more you said it aloud. “I know Kusa had that assignment to do tonight… and you have that one with Kenji tomorrow, right? so do you want to come over? My mom got me another tub of cookie dough ice cream, and we can rewatch Bad Girls Club again.” You asked Katana in that voice that meant you didn’t want to be alone tonight.

Katana smirked. It was an evil smirk. “I’ll do you one better.”

“Uhhh… Katana….you missed my turn.” Your eyes widened when the cheer captain passed your street, and then passed her own street a few seconds later. “Katana!”

“Word on the cheer team is that Aone-san’s first study session ends in 20 at the local library. I wanna check it out.”

“What?! No you will not—!” You yelled, but you couldn’t help the surge of excitement that flew through your body thinking about seeing that man again. It was always like this.

“—Oh, lighten up— it’s not like I will be joining the damn study session.”

“You won’t?” You asked, surprised.

“Obviously not! Muri is studying something else there, so I need to give her back her notes anyway. It’s only a plus that I’ll get to see how desperate those girls are being with my besties ex. Incognito, kay? I was going to drop you off first and go, but it looks like you don’t wanna be alone. Right?” 

Your pretty best friend waited a few seconds for a response, and when she didn’t get one, she nodded. “Exactly.” She turned into the school’s practically empty parking lot, finding her favourite spot. “So, you can stay in the car. No prob. And I won’t tell you anything about it.” 

You frowned, watching as Katana reached in the backseat for her purse so that she could take out the notes she had for Muri.

“Okay,” you whispered anxiously.  

“I’ll be like, 10 minutes.” The brunette removed her keys from the ignition and stepped outside of her car.

You stayed where you were as Katana’s figure disappeared into the one of the Date Teko’s many entrances. You began to think about what your friend was going to see in there: Aone leaning over the shoulder of pretty Date Teko girls? Helping them with their homework the way he would help you? These girls smelling his fresh icy mountain scent, and leaning in closer, the way you would to him?

Naturally, you began to panic internally.

You pictured the girls twirling their hair flirtatiously and telling him that they didn’t understand when they did, just to keep him hovering over them longer. The same way you used to. 

😤😤😤

Your foot started tapping on its own inside Katana’s car, thinking about how your lost ex-boyfriend wouldn’t even pick up any of it as flirting, ugh. 

Your imagination created even more concerning visuals: more giggling, more oblivious Aone, more shoulder brushing, more oblivious Aone, and then some more….. yeah. Should it really have come as no surprise that you soon found yourself hidden behind a dusty bookshelf in the anatomy section of your school’s library on a Saturday, squatted down and peeping through the slits between books to catch glimpses of your ex boyfriend hosting a study session?!

You blamed your active imagination. 

Behind the dusty shelves, you whimpered because the obstructed vision due to the books covered the white haired beauty perfectly. You held a disgusting book to the right a bit.

“Oh,” your stomach flipped. “He looks so cute.” You put on a 🥺 face when you noticed how utterly adorable a standing Takanobu looked decked out in forest green sweatpants and a matching hoodie with the hood on, and his white hair barely visible. 

Your stomach flips were quickly bumped away by sheer annoyance as you saw him then do exactly what brought you up here, just as you thought: innocently leaning down to help a blonde third-year girl you knew by the name of Sutairu Elyts with a question she was asking. She was smiling way too much for someone doing boring ass school work on Saturday, you noted. Flipping her hair, giggling, and obnoxiously putting her cleavage in Aone’s line of sight. You picked up the dusty library book that was obstructing your view and stopped yourself from tossing it at Sutairu— instead choosing to toss it to the side without a care in the world, trying to get a closer look at how close the girl was going to get while Aone answered her question. 

You were close to literally poking your head through the bookshelf hole completely, when someone to the left of your hiding spot cleared their throat very loudly. You jumped, bumping your head and hissing in pain. 

You removed your head from the bookshelf and looked up at the cause of your newfound migraine.

There stood Katana, her arms crossed and a knowing smile on her face. “You got here faster than I thought,” She reached down to help you up. “Now, come on. None of this amateur shit. You know my style. When it comes to cute boys: make it obvious, and make it count.”

***

Aone was in the middle of teaching Algebra to a group of students (he doesn’t register the fact that they are all conveniently female and all too well dressed for a study session) who had desperately begged him for his help, to the point where the teacher just asked Aone to do it. 

He didn’t mind, the teacher offered him extra credit and everyone he was teaching was nice, they didn’t mind him being pretty silent, plus Kenji fully supported it. So why not? Aone mainly supported it because it was a great distraction from his broken heart and his plan…. 

Or so he thought it would be—before he spotted you in the library.

His heart skipped a beat because he absolutely was not expecting to see you today. His plan wasnt supposed to be put into action until Monday! Trying not to freak out, Aone watched you enter from a side that wasnt the entry way—which is pretty odd—but he shoved the thought to the side anyway because there you were, looking busy.

“Wow.” Takanobu couldn’t stop himself from mouthing when his eyes found you. He mouthed it to himself, of course, but it caused the observant participants in his study group to whip around to see what he was looking at. 

you were dressed pretty casually, coming from dinner with the girls, but Aone hadn’t seen you dressed in anything other than your school or cheer uniforms since your breakup, so it took him by surprise

Not to mention you looked really, really, really good:

Aone watched you scan the bookshelves with Katana—which, if Takanobu was thinking straight— he would realistically call bs on you ever coming to the library for no reason, ESPECIALLY on a Saturday— but you looked too gorgeous to him to care 

Now that he is working alongside you in a project, he has been able to crawl out of depression a bit, simply because your mere presence made him feel whole again, so he basked in the delight he felt any time he was able to see you.

Aone realized that even though he struck out the first time and failed to make you want to be with him, he had nothing to lose if he tried again. 

The premise of Aone’s plan presides on the idea that you are the only girl he wants. Therefore, he just has to prove that to you. Silently. Strategically. 

So that’s the only reason why Aone was able to to shift his focus right now and look away from you, effectively returning to helping his study group and making them forget you even walked in. 

Aone’s mission is to become the man that you want and need, naturally. He will exude more confidence: which is a testament to the fact that he was here right now: tutoring a bunch of girls who have asked him out and he has rejected before because of you,

He wants word to get back to you that your ex is the type of guy who knows how to be just friends with people who had feelings for him. Just in case you wanted to start there with him.

He wants to be your friend. Aone wants to be anything to you but a stranger. It’s the only way his heart stops aching and if that’s all you can give him is a friendship after this project is over, then that is what he would willingly accept!  

Aone forced himself to look back down, getting up to step around the circular table to help with the other girls’ study guides. 

He was able to keep his cool for the most part, but almost lost it twice... 

Once when you dropped a book and bent down to pick it up, showcasing how amazing your butt looked in those jeans. 

Aone cleared his throat to get his own attention back and turned away quickly when he felt a familiar stir under his sweatpants. He stuffed his hands deep in his sweatpants pockets and directed his energy back to the paper in front of him. He erased an answer for one of his students and plugged in the correct one.

The second time Takanobu almost lost his cool was when he heard you make a cute noise and his eyes flicked back up to you. You were trying to reach a book that was too high for you but probably met the height of his ear, your hand above your head, your bodyweight on your toes which gravitationally rose your top up as well, exposing the naked skin on your lower back. 

Aone’s throat went dry and he bit back a groan because the last time he’d stared at that lower back of yours so intensely: you were in a perfect arch, naked, using his dick to pleasure yourself when he told he was on the phone. 

Cue hands in pockets again.

He recalled how that section of your back had a light layer of sweat on it back then, making it glisten as he bit his lip, trying not to moan to the feeling of your tight and juicy walls running up and down his length. Holy, shit, that feel good. 

Aone began thinking about helping you get that book and then fucking you against that bookshelf you were leaning on: holding you up in his arm, the other hand used to place it behind your head as a cushion so that you did not harm yourself when he sheathed his big dick inside your absolutely perfect box, so hot and so delicious, and soo hard not to cum inside within the first minute…..

👁👅👁 Aone’s eyes glazed over to the point where one of his tutor-ies had to snap their fingers in front of his face. 

Highly embarrassed, Takanobu pulled it together ASAP, muttering a quick and sincere apology and thinking only of his plan. Trusting in his plan, he refused to look up in your general direction again. He didn’t trust himself to. 

***

“He barely looked my way….” You sobbed into your cookie dough ice cream later that night, Katana rubbing your back and removing your hair out the tub. 

“Please, Y/N,” Katana begged, absolutely gutted seeing her best friend like this. “Please be honest with yourself and make sure you truly stand by the decision you made.”

———————————

A New Aone and a Perfect Plan? ✅🤩

Mountain Man put absolutely all of his energy into his plan to get you back. His understanding is that you broke up with him because he wasn’t good enough for you, so that means he would just have to make himself good enough for you. While Kenji was completely against Aone trying to get back the girl who broke his heart, Kenji found himself agreeing with the plan since it meant that his best friend would be speaking, playing volleyball, and overall living life again while it was in action. The plan was to essentially fake it till you make it—show you that Takanobu could be the man you deserved. 

The gist of the plan was for Aone to disallow himself to be zombie-like anymore, because you probably didn’t like that. He started spending more time with his friends again, and he was eating again. He was banking on this plan, and if it didn’t work—sure, he’d be crushed for the rest of his life—but at least he’d have no regrets. It wouldn’t be easy, he’d have to speak back to other females kindly letting them down when all he wanted to do was speak to you. He’d have to ignore you when you walked by which meant going against his every instinct, and he’d have to speak to you confidently in class when you two were working on the project and small talk about your lives, when all he wanted to do was lean in and kiss you until he could taste you even when he pulled away. 

Thoughts of you consumed him, still, but they were now hopeful thoughts. He was not going to let his dream girl walk away that easily. 

A/N: GO BABY GOOOOO

You, on the other hand, took this new and confident Aone as a sign that he was getting over you. He didn’t seem very sad anymore, you didn’t see that same dejected and lost eyes you saw when he pushed his best friend away from you. You saw intensity there, like he was now focused on a new task in his life. It confused you, and it hurt like a bitch, because deep down you knew he’d move on soon and you wouldn’t. 

But this is what you wanted, right? 🙄🙄Repeated your conscience, again. You really wanted to fight her. 

“Y/N, you seem out of it today.” Mountain Man stopped writing the outline of the content analysis in class to stare down at you. You could see the concern in his eyes, but you refused to believe it was anything more than the concern anyone would feel for an ex turned friend, and nothing more. 

Embarrassed, you realized that you must have zoned-out, and now this gorgeous man that you wanted to jump was calling you out on your odd behaviour. “W-was I?’ You shook your head then looked down in your lap. “Sorry.” 

Aone placed his pencil down, heart pounding because he wanted that frown of yours to disappear so badly. “Is it about your University Cheerleading tryouts?” He asked kindly, too kindly—if you had any hope of getting over him in the next 5 years. 

You looked up at him, confused as to why he’d even mention that. 

The white haired beauty blushed. “Kogane—he, uh, well…” Aone took a second to look away and collect his thoughts because your big beautiful eyes were making him lose his train of thought. He reminded himself of his plan and collected himself, returning to your gaze. “Kogane-san mentioned to Kenji and I this morning that Kusa needed someone to film her audition tape, because that is the only way cheerleaders are able to send in your tryouts for schools that are too far away, correct?”

“Oh,” You nodded. “Ya—“

Aone continued without missing a beat. “I know Kogane is helping film Kusa’s, and you mentioned yesterday that Katana is out of town for a camp… so, and feel free to say no: but I’d love to offer you my help, Y/N. With filming and editing.” 

There was a pause in which you just looked at Aone with those big beautiful eyes that he thinks about 24/7. 

Afraid that he might be coming onto way too strong, which goes against his super slow plan, Takanobu adds: “As friends. Offer you my help as friend.” 

Your heart sunk, but he looked so sweet asking, not to mention you really did need to get on that tryout instead of pushing it off until you miss it completely and don’t end up going to University—

If you didn’t get a cheer scholarship you were screwed; Aone knew this. Not to mention you would love to see him more; Aone did not know this.

“I’ve taken photography as my elective for the past three years and do pretty well in that class in terms of grades, so I just thought…” Mountain Man was scared shitless, nervously listing off his accomplishments like this was an interview…. mostly due to the fact that you hadn’t answered him yet. Too fast, she can tell you want her back—now she’ll never give you another chance. Failure. Aone opened his mouth to retract his offer, but you interrupted him before he could get the first word out. 

“Um, yes. Sure. I’d love your help, Aone-san. I promise it won’t take long. Thank you so much.” 

Aone nodded even though he was bursting at the seams inside. Mountain Man couldn’t believe it. After  being broken up with because your feelings weren’t there, you agreed to spend non-school related time with him?! The middle blocker couldn’t help but think that you wouldn’t have said yes, had he still been acting like a zombie. Actually, he wouldn’t even have dared asked, if he was still acting like a zombie. Now he gets to help you and see you more than he has since the breakup, and he considers this like a gift! Yes!

“Great. Just tell me where and when you would like to have your audition, and I will be there.” A very cool reply.

You even rewarded him even more with a smile. “How about next Tuesday? Here on the field since it’s getting warm out again? I need to rehearse a lot and that gives me enough time.”

“Understood.” A cool second later, Takanobu had to excuse himself to the washroom so that he could celebrate in silence. He texted his friends and took a deep breath.

Selfishly, Aone also wanted to help you with this particular audition because he wanted you to go to the same University as he and Kenji. He wanted to help you with your future assignments and he wanted to see you everyday. How great would that be? A little torturous, too. But if you were on a cheer team and happy, then: mostly great. 

Baby steps, Mountain Man sighed contentedly. He would get you back in baby steps, and this was the first one. 

He just had to keep following the plan.

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Taglist: @galagcica @chaichai-the-weeb @nairobiisqueen @bisasterrr @juminly @simply-not-the-same @marvelousbakugou @qyuanon 💛

Outtake #17: CLICK HERE!

[that-good-trash]

I’m Not Okay- Chapter 5. The final chapter Midoriya x reader/ Bakugou x reader

Izuku Midoriya x reader/ Katsuki Bakugou x reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Summary: You have struggled with mental health your whole life so why can’t you seem to get it under control. Will you be able to keep the same mask even though two of your classmates have seen under it?

Warnings: Depression, Mentions of suicide/ Attempt at suicide, Self-harm, Angst, Anxiety,

Word count: 8,582

Comment: Omg this is finally the end! I’m so sad, its bittersweet:’( . I’m sorry that its so long I decided to add both boys endings in the same chapter, I also apologize for any grammar mistakes and if any of it seems rushed. Thank all of you for reading this series and I hope to start another one soon. [I am working on the second part too my Dabi fic]. Thank everyone who has been here from the beginning and any new readers. You all make this fun and enjoyable. 

you matter and any issues you have are valid!

After you were taken to the hospital everyone wanted to hear what would happen to you. Classmates surrounded and bombarded Bakugou and Midoriya as they were escorted back into the dorm building. Mr. Aizawa couldn’t stay to watch the students since he had to go deal with the aftermath of your attempt. There were legal and security issues with how easy it was for you to have jumped off the school building. The students were supposed to be in bed but how could they go to bed when you were laying in a hospital bed alone after feeling so desperate for a way out that you jumped off a building. They had many questions, concerns, and comments about how they didn’t know this had been happening with you.

Midoriya rubbed the back of his neck, exhaustion evident in his eyes. Bakugou growled and shoved passed the ‘annoying extras’, trying to get to the elevator. He wasn’t blaming any of them and yet when he looked at them, he couldn’t help but think they should have tried harder. Had you heard his thoughts you would have slapped him across the back of his head. Midoriya smiled sadly at his friends while following after Bakugou to the elevator. “Sorry guys, it’s late and I’m tired.”

He wished he had all the answers to give but he didn’t. You weren’t necessarily talkative about your issues so he really didn’t know much of what was going on with you. He just knew he wanted to be there for you. Even before this he had always watched you with gleaming eyes, you were a beacon of strength and hope to him. Bakugou would never admit to sharing things in common with his childhood friend but he did. He also would find himself watching you, how hard you pushed yourself. He would watch you train later than everyone else, your clothing covered in sweat and legs throbbing. He had caught that broken look in your eyes a few times wondering where it could be coming from. You would always roll your eye at his asshole comments and demands. You weren’t afraid to stand up to him, you’d even beat him once during a sparring match. You were strong to him and he couldn’t help but wonder how someone so strong crumbles so fast. He wasn’t a stranger to anxiety and guilt, just like Midoriya wasn’t a stranger to regret and depression. They both had some kind of idea, a sliver, of what pain you might be going through. Truly it was tragic to know that you had been dealing with this longer than it seemed to outwardly manifest itself to them. Battling bad guys was one thing, fighting internal demons was worse because you couldn’t ask for help or call for back up. It was you against the girl in the mirror, against the whispers in your ears.

“Is she gonna be okay?” Uraraka was the one who spoke, having made her way to the front of the crowd. Midoriya couldn’t help looking at her with slight disappointment. He didn’t blame her but he did feel like she was in the wrong for what she had done. Bakugou on the other hand didn’t find Uraraka innocent. He hadn’t been able to confront her due to having to find and help you. Bakugou let the elevator open his fist clenching at his sides. Midoriya walked into the elevator turning toward Bakugou with a raised brow. He was confused before his eyes widened in realization. He rushed forward as Bakugou’s hand ignited. He turned and thrust his open palm directly at the gravity girl. “KACCHAN DON’T!”

Everyone who wasn’t frozen from shock rushed to try and stop the attack. Uraraka closed her eyes and waited for the hit. It never happened. No one had to stop him because he stopped himself. He scoffed looking at her with distain as he shoved his hands into his dirty tattered pockets.

“You aren’t even worth it.” Bakugou walked into the still open elevator door his shoulder brushing a confused but relieved Midoriya. He stepped back into the elevator looking at Bakugou who was burning holes into the ground. He looked up as the door started closing. “I blame you, she doesn’t.”

Simple words with such strength and meaning behind them. They were meant to replace his fist, to leave her having to suffer internally like you had been doing for most of your life.

The chatter commenced once again between the classmates; two different hands squeezed Uraraka’s shoulder. She didn’t think she deserved comfort right now and a few different people would agree with her. Though she knew that Bakugou was right. No matter who looked at her like she was a villain, you’d forgive her. You’d never blame her, just smile and say it was your own fault. The truth was honestly more heartbreaking and Uraraka wished she hadn’t said or did what she had. While she stood in regretful silence, your two saviors were standing in the elevator. It was quiet, other than the dull hum it gave. Midoriya walked out when it stopped at his floor.

“Night Kacchan.” He had spoken so lightly that Bakugou almost didn’t catch it. Midoriya didn’t look back or wait for a reply, he just walked away. Bakugou grabbed the door forcing it to reopen. “HEY, nerd.”

Midoriya slowly turned back toward Bakugou, both their eyes were bloodshot and held weariness. He expected to be told off since that’s how these things usually go.

“We saved her. We’re fucking heroes, right? So why does it feel like we didn’t do shit. Why does it feel like she’s still on that roof? I’m so fucking tired and yet I don’t want to sleep because she is laying is some fucking hospital unconscious because she jumped off a building. Why, why couldn’t she just reply on us.” Midoriya recognized the breaking in Bakugou’s voice. Except this time, he felt something similar. He too felt like you weren’t safe, like you’d just do it again when you found out that you hadn’t succeeded. He closed his eyes wondering what you felt alone on that rooftop. Had you waited for someone to save you? He had been in a similar situation back in middle school. He could hear everyone’s discouraging words, and Bakugou’s ‘suggestion’ play in his head. He could feel the cold breeze that he felt like he was back to the day he stood on a rooftop wondering if he could be a hero in his next life. He didn’t do it for so many reasons, the main one being his will to live. He wanted to live, he had some much yearning to show the world that he could do it, he could be a hero. He had something that you lacked. Midoriya opened his eyes and looked directly into the crimson orbs across the hallway. “We didn’t save her, we caught her. She probably didn’t want to inconvenience us. She thinks she’s the problem so of course she didn’t want to burden us. We wont ever know how she feels, all we can do is hope she still wants us involved in her life. We can only hope she wants to try living it again.”

Bakugou stared at Midoriya, really stared. He knew exactly what the boy had been thinking about when his eyes were closed. Bakugou had thought briefly about it as well. He thought Midoriya was thinking about when he had told the green haired boy to basically kill himself. He had no clue about the attempt. He felt a pang of regret again, as he grew, he thought a lot about how shitty he had been in the past. Hell, he couldn’t completely hate Uraraka because he had been in her situation to an extent. Bakugou couldn’t imagine how his life would have gone had Midoriya had jumped. Now he had to face the past along with the present to try and make a plan for the future, your future.

“I’m gonna protect her.” Bakugou’s declaration caused Midoriya to smile. He nodded his head lifting up his fist with determination in his own eyes. “That makes two of us.”

Bakugou would have usually snapped at the forest haired boy from copying him but he didn’t. Instead he returned Midoriya’s smile with a smirk. He let the door close heading up to his own room. Midoriya walked into his dark dorm room. He sighed against the door before sliding down it letting everything hit him. Tears rushed down his cheeks, this hurt more than any broken bone. He couldn’t get the image of you hurdling toward the ground out of his head. He covered his face with his arms before burying it into his pulled-up knees. His sobs were silent, and he suffered the way he imagined you had. He tried to picture the happy you. The one with fire in her eyes, the one that always got back up no matter what knocked her down. He wanted your eyes to be red from laughing yourself to tears, he wanted you to be tired from training and not from thinking your existence was exhausting. He wanted to tell you that he loved you and that he’d be there through this, but he can’t tell you that now. You needed to rest and so did he, if only his mind would let him.

Elsewhere, Bakugou was experiencing his own breakdown. He slammed his fist into the dorm door not caring if he breaks it. His knuckles bleed from the abuse. He doesn’t care, instead he punches it again and again until blood flows rapidly, down his hand and onto the floor. “Fuck.” Bakugou grabs a towel and throws it on top the blood staining the carpet. He stomps on it before giving up and laying on his bed. He sees the blood on his knuckles and thinks back to the dry blood on your arm from cutting into before fleeing the building. He hadn’t seen your self-mutilation himself but thinking about it made him sick. He sat up dry heaving into his trash can. How could he have been so stupid? Why the hell hadn’t he invited you that night to play video games? He knew exactly why, because he had seen how excited you had been all day. He was hoping this was what you needed to finally break your isolation. He was rooting for you and in doing so fucked up. He blamed himself for not making you hang out with him instead, which sounded selfish in a way but he meant well. Bakugou wipes the saliva from his lip before looking at his phone. He unlocks it and stares at the picture he has as his background. It has Kaminari and Sero laughing in the background with Mina poking Kirishima’s cheek. The main focus of the photo is you hugging him while he looks pissed as hell. The photo was taken by Momo who he had to ‘threaten’ to delete it, only after sending him a copy. He would never admit it out loud but he loved you. He loved the way you fought back against bullies, how you snapped back when he was an asshole. He enjoyed the far off look you’d get during class, the way you looked out the window with the slightest smile. He could listen to your laugh for hours. He was so fucked. How could he be thinking about loving you when you hated yourself. He just wished you could be happy, could understand how much you mattered not just to him. Bakugou drops his phone onto his side table before falling backward. His head crashes onto his pillows. You were alone right now, or maybe you weren’t. Hopefully your parents were with you, or maybe Mr. Aizawa went to make sure you would be okay. He wished he could have gone with you, that he could comfort you when you wake up. He wanted nothing more than to destroy all your problems and give you some of his strength while you tried to regain your own. Except he knew you were strong; it took strength to jump off a building.  

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The loveliest dream played behind closed eye lids. You were completely unaware of what was going on outside of your brain’s illusions. Unfortunately for you all dreams come to an end and you have to face reality. You were delirious when your dreams melted away and bright light filled your vision. Beeping invaded your ear drums. It smelled like sterilizer. You rubbed your eyes trying to fix your vision. When things were no longer blurry you found yourself looking around a hospital room. Your clothing was folded neatly on a chair along with a few bags and a blanket. Someone had been siting in the chair. There was a chart on the door which was closed. The window was dark and the light that was on only lit up parts of the room. You took in your surroundings feeling your heart race and chest cave in as your lungs failed you. The room was closing in on you as you curling in on yourself. You tugged the heart rate monitor when you wrapped your arms around your knees. Sobs came out with uneven breathes. You were having a panic attack. The door opened and a nurse peaked inside, your monitor was loudly beeping informing medical staff your heart rate spiked. The nurse walked over to the bed worry across her face as she gently put a hand on your shoulder.

“Honey are you okay? Are you in pain? Let me call the doctor.” Before she could leave your side, you spoke through broken hiccups.

“I failed.” The words were tragic really. The nurse knew why you had been there and hearing your words made her realize why you were crying. Regret, but not because you had done it, because you had failed at dying. The nurse covered her mouth as her own tears start falling down. You looked up at her with confusion. Why was she crying. You tried to steady your breathing, before moving your hand over her own. She looked up and saw the concern and care in your eyes. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying? Did I upset you.”

She stared at you like you had grown another head; how could you push away your own suffering to make sure she was okay. A slight laugh escaped her as she gently moved some stray hair away from your eyes.

“You really do have the heart of a hero.” She rubbed your shoulder watching you bite your bottom lip to try and prevent more crying. It didn’t work, you collapsed in a fit of sobs again. You wrapped your arms around your middle begging for this to not be real. Maybe this was your own personal hell. You weren’t a hero; this lady was delusional. She needed to get away from you before you ruined her life as well. You didn’t pay any attention to her getting up. She left the room cautiously. You looked around trying to find anything that could ground you. The only thing you keep thinking about is dying and how it was impossible that you hadn’t. What does this mean? What do you do now? How could you have fucked up this bad? You activate your quirk in the hopes to hurt yourself, one last attempt before the restraint jacket and padded room. Your fingers go to push into your wrist but there is no sting or pain, no blades just skin. You quickly look up knowing exactly what happened, Mr. Aizawa. You felt exposed, like you were nude or had all your dirty laundry in full view. Here was someone you respected, looked up to, having to use his quirk against you. You were like a villain. You couldn’t decipher his look do to his dry eyes. You dug your weaponless fingers into your sides curling into yourself again while crying. Warm rushes of tears crashed down your cheeks and onto the hospital gown. You didn’t care that he was watching you, at this point you were nothing but a bother to him. He didn’t think that, he would never think that about any of his students. Mr. Aizawa blinked stopping his quirk. His hair returned to its place against his scarf around his shoulders. He looked tired but not as tired as you. He would never wish that kind of exhaustion and mental trauma on anyone, especially not a child, which you were. He approached with caution, not like you were a savage animal, more like you were a scared injured one. He slowly squatted down next to your bed looking at the dark circles around your eyes and red across your nose and cheeks. He went to catch a tear but stopped with wide eyes when he heard you mumble. “I’m sorry sir, I caused you trouble.”

The apology was already pushing it, you had nothing to apologize for but the trouble part got him. Had he been so hard on you that you’d think he cared more about the trouble than your health? That hurt him, just like Bakugou and Midoriya. He sighed and shook his head finally allowing himself to catch the tear.

“You are no trouble. I’m here because I want you to get better.” Maybe his words could be taken different in your sensitive state of mind but regardless he meant well. The door opens interrupting your sobs and his attempt at comforting you. The doctor walked in followed by the nurse who cried for you. Her eyes were still red and lightly puffy. She smiled softly at you making your chest hurt. You didn’t deserve her tears or their kindness. The doctor stood in front of your bed waiting for you to look at him. You dared a glance up afraid that he would be disappointed but he was smiling like the nurse.

“Ms. L/n, I’m glad to see you awake. You gave us quite a scare. Would you like to talk about it?” Quite a scare? Really. You weren’t trying to scare anyone; you were trying to disappear from existence. You had scared yourself with an unsuccessful attempt. Now they knew. You wanted to talk but couldn’t get your mouth to open. You sunk your teeth into your lip until it bled. “It’s okay, you don’t have to talk right now. As you can assume you will be here for a while. Your parents are outside the room. I will send them after I have a talk with them about your recovery.”

He left the room and you wanted to run over and push one of the heavy machines in front of it. You couldn’t face them. You couldn’t look into their irritated and disgusted eyes. What if they don’t want you as their daughter anymore. A hand places itself gently on your shoulder before the bed dips from weight being added to it. The nice nurse is sitting next to you. “Don’t worry, they were so distraught when they heard the news. They haven’t left your side till an hour ago. They haven’t stopped crying and begging for you to be okay. Your parent’s love you and I think they aren’t the only ones.”

She smiles at Mr. Aizawa, who rolls his eyes. He knows the nurse is referencing the eighty different calls he’s had to take from crying and concerned students and faculty members. You look between the two adults before overhearing the conversation outside the room. Your parents are arguing something and you here a number and something about keeping you till your better. You knew that he was telling them you were being locked away. You could imagine the white walls with no windows. The cushion floors and pills that would melt your brain. You hadn’t realized you had started hyperventilating again. Mr. Aizawa rubs your back hushing you in a gentle way. The nurse gives you water and as you take it you see it, folded neatly on the chair with your camisole and sweats, Midoriya’s all might hoodie. You sit up, startling the two adults, before reaching out and grabbing the garment. The fabric is worn from plenty of use. It feels cold from sitting under the hospital air conditioner. You hug it to your chest deeply inhaling the pine smell. It was soothing and familiar. You noticed there were a few holes in it and wondered how they got there. You smelled it again curiously after noticing a different scent, a sweeter scent, like caramel like Bakugou. Why did it smell like him? You started feel cold, like you were back on top the roof. You close your eyes feeling your body fall over the edge. You grip the fabric tighter as you try to remember what happened before you fainted. You could hear a voice in your inner conscience. It sounded like Bakugou, he called you an idiot but he was crying. You couldn’t remember but he said it when he caught you, when he held you while plummeting to the ground. You were afraid to know what happened, but you needed to know.

“Mr. Aizawa, what happened. How am I alive?” It was painful to hear you say that. No one should ever have to ask that under these circumstances. He sighed rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“I can’t say exactly what happened because we showed up late. I got a call from Iida, he sounded panicked and I could hear the frantic yelling and crying in the background. He told me that you had hurt yourself after a confrontation with Uraraka and fled the building with bad intentions. I called All Might and the police. Other members of the staff were also informed afterward. I left to find you and found the class waiting for the police. They told me that Bakugou and Midoriya had run off to find you, to stop you.” He stops for a second because recounting the event brought back the sick drop in his stomach and the painful apprehension. You look at your hands that were perfectly still. You were afraid of the truth because you knew you had run off; you did feel guilty for upsetting people and causing such a ruckus. Had you just run off late into the night with no confrontation than things would have worked out, right? That’s when the last sentence finally clicks. You thrust your head up, your eyes staring into the side of your teachers face with curiosity and confusion. “Bakugou and Midoriya? They went after me.”

“They went after you and not only that. They um, they, they saved you. I didn’t see it since I was escorting the emergency vehicles to across the campus. All Might was outside the building. He told me in the darkness you saw fire and green sparks fly out the windows. The colors swirled chasing the same thing, you. Bakugou caught you and from what I was told Midoriya caught the two of you and used his quirk to get you back into the building three floors before the ground. The two boys emerged from the building, Bakugou holding you tightly against his body while Midoriya’s hoodie laid over your unconscious form. They both had a protective air to them, like guard dogs. Bakugou wouldn’t even hand you over to the medical workers and Midoriya, who is usually the understanding one, was defending his classmate’s behavior. They had caught you, they saved you and yet as I looked at them, they looked scared, defeated. They didn’t think they saved you and I guess in a way they are right. Regardless of that though, they tried to stay with you but they weren’t allowed to come with. They are probably still waiting to hear if your okay.” He got up and apologized but he had to take a call. You watched him walk out and you could slightly hear your parent’s voices down the hall. They were drowned out by the machinery beeping behind you. You were left with partial pieces of what had happened after you jumped.

You couldn’t lie to yourself and say that you didn’t believe they cared. You knew they did, you had experienced first hand their kindness and care this last week. Bakugou wasn’t nice to anyone and yet he had a soft spot for you. You were usually oblivious but you saw how he treated you. He made you food, he brought you water, he trained with you, and when you were sad, he let you be sad. He validated you and all your emotions no matter how dumb or fucked up they got. You got to sit on his bed with him during game night while all the boys whined that they never got special treatment. He cussed them out but you had just smiled. When you were around Bakugou no one messed with you and you received no jealous stares or judgement. Midoriya showered you in attention and kindness in his Midoriya way. His shy smiles and flushed cheeks as he’s talk with you about your aspirations and likes. He held onto everything you said and would give you a gift in relation to it. You liked a certain artist and he gave you a cd. You liked a certain animal and you ended up with a plush to cuddle with on your bed, not that you cuddled it or anything. You never had to eat lunch with others staring and whispering about you. The lounge was yours even when he wasn’t there. He always had a wrapped lunch and drink sitting on the table with an origami crane. You kept all of the ones you’d been given and they hung from string above your desk. If you had waited then you could have had a thousand cranes and just wished your depression away. You didn’t really believe that but everyone is allowed their childish dreams. Midoriya walked you to class when Bakugou didn’t. It felt like prison escorts at first but then it felt like friendship. Something you looked forward too. Midoriya gave you an All Might pen he had gotten in an exclusive set. It matched his and you couldn’t give the gift back because he argued against it. The pen was something you used every day leading to your breakdown. More important than physical objects were his quiet understanding and patience toward you. No matter how mad or depressed you got he always smiled, and never left your side. He always told you that you mattered and were amazing. You just wished you could believe the words because he spoke them with such sincerity.  

“Y/n.” You had just been thinking about the boys and hearing someone call your name made your heart skip a beat as you looked up with excitement and yearning. You wouldn’t say you were disappointed but a slight bit of you wanted them to be standing in the doorway instead of the doctor.

“May your parents come in?” You held your breath and almost denied the request but you couldn’t run away again. This was the moment you needed to tell them how tired you were, how you didn’t want to try anymore. You nod and the doctor opens the door wider revealing your parents. You expected stern harsh eyes but instead met gazes with grief stricken weary ones. Oh god had you been wrong about them. They rushed to your side sobbing words of regret and apologies. You couldn’t speak as your throat tightened and tears blurred your vision again. You were starting to replace Midoriya as the class cry baby. You sobbed out apologies of your own but not for attempting to kill yourself. No apologies for being a failure and ruining their lives. They were astonished, how could you think such horrible things about yourself. Had they not loved you enough? Had they not supported you. What did they do wrong? These were selfish questions and they realized watching you crumble into the thin hospital sheet, that this wasn’t about them, it was about you. How could they support you until you loved and supported yourself? That was the better question. You felt arms wrap around you enveloping you into a sandwiched embrace. You felt like a child again for a moment causing your crying to escalate into hysterical sobbing and gurgled words that couldn’t be understood. As they held you crying their own tears they spoke.

“We love you Y/n. We have always loved you and always will. We are sorry if we contributed to this. Please don’t ever hurt yourself. Please don’t leave us.” You couldn’t promise anything right now so instead you basked in the love and warmth they gave you. This was apart of healing, ripping off a bandage. This was a wound that had rotted, grew infected and needed to be reopened if it wanted a chance to try to heal again. You had your parent’s and they were disappointed, they never once insulted or belittled you. They just had love for you. You wished you could tell them that you felt better but you didn’t. When you closed your swollen eyes, you could still feel the cold breeze and see the twinkling stars as you plummeted off the roof. You couldn’t heal until you wanted too. It would be a process but you were willing to wait.

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You slept for a whole day after the visit from your parents. They stayed but left to attend other business knowing you’d be safe in the hospital. Mr. Aizawa watched you for awhile to make sure you didn’t wake up and try to use your quirk again. When you finally woke up the world felt heavy, like you had been laying in drying cement. You reached out for your water and pressed the button to call a nurse. A different nurse came in and you felt intimidated by the unfamiliar person. You played with the sleeves of Midoriya’s hoodie, which you had put on before falling asleep, before asking for some headache medication and the ability to take a shower. The nurse let you know that he had to ask a doctor what you weren’t allowed to do or take. It was a twenty-minute wait but you didn’t mind, it wasn’t like you were going anywhere anytime soon.

“Here is some food and medication. Someone will come in after you eat to get you situated to shower.” The man was gentle and slightly awkward which made you giggle. You thanked him for his help before staring at the gourmet meal. It was cold soba, a side of warm white rice and a bowl of sliced kiwis and mangos. You wanted to shower and that meant eating something. Hell, this meal was better than Midoriya’s cooking so it wasn’t like you couldn’t stomach it. You just didn’t know if you were ready to eat. You were afraid of regretting it, or getting nervous and throwing up. You needed to eat something. A piece of mango slipped into your mouth. You followed it up with a few bites of rice and half the cold soba. It was delicious and the meds really helped after you took them. The attendant that came in to take the tray seemed happy to see most of the food gone. If you were being graded on eating than you were sure you just got a high B which was better than some of your school grades. The best feeling in the world came from feeling hot water against your bare skin. You had to have the nurse in the room with you, you had realized that you were going to be monitored closely seeing as people were anticipating another suicidal breakdown. You didn’t mind the attention, just felt bad for taking staff away from other patients. The nurse had slipped you a floral scented shampoo which excited you. You wanted to smell like anything other than sweat, hospital, and dirt. Once you dried off you slipped the hoodie back over your head. You had your bra taken away incase you tried to hurt yourself with it. The wiring could be removed and used as a blade or you could hang yourself. You didn’t mind as long as you were allowed to have the hoodie. A new pair of undies and sweatpants completed the look. Your parents were going to drop off some clothes later. The doctor mentioned something about transferring you to a different part of the hospital, a recovery center that you’d live at until they figured out a plan for your mental health. You didn’t want to stay but knew if you left, you’d be on the roof again. Better safe then dead.

“You look comfy.” You jump and turn when you hear the familiar voice. Your eyes meet with a pair of green ones.

“MIDORIYA!” You are already rushing off the bed pulling the heart monitor off your finger as you tackle the boy. His arms had already been open waiting for you like they always were. He holds you trying not to think to much about the fact that your wearing his hoodie. You nuzzle your face against his chest sniffing him. He smelt like the real him, he felt like the real him and yet you felt that if you let him go, he’d disappear. You didn’t let go till he pulled away. “I thought I told you to call me Izuku.”

You were excited just a moment ago but when he mentioned his first name you thought about Uraraka. You could see her, an apparition watching with distain. You were afraid to hurt people and that included her. Midoriya noticed the way you changed. He moved forward but was thrusted backward causing him to stumble and almost fall. “Move nerd, your upsetting her.”

Your heart beats wildly as Bakugou walked toward you. You can smell his body wash, and his natural sweet smell. He knew you were upset before he had even entered the room. He knew why you were upset; Mina had explained everything that Uraraka did and said. He knew that’s who you were thinking about. His hand lifted up and you closed your eyes expecting a flick to your forehead but instead a gentle pat. You open your eyes and stare into his crimson ones.

“Forget about her Y/n. She fucking sucks. You don’t have to beat yourself up over someone like her. You are amazing and can do whatever you want, even if that thing is calling this nerd by his first name.” His words were snarling or growled like usual. Instead they were delivered like a pep talk. He wanted you to let go of Uraraka’s words. You bit your lip wanting to listen but found it hard. He notices your hesitation this time smiling, you almost yelp at how gorgeous he looks. “You don’t have to do what people say. You matter and so do your choices.”

Midoriya nods beside Bakugou which causes the angry blonde to hit him. He snaps about finding his own thing to say and not just agreeing with him. You watch the two childhood friends and start laughing. Your laugher brings their attention back to you. You were genuinely laughing and they both smile basking in it. “You guys are such children, stop being mean Katsuki. Izuku means well.”

You are still laughing with your eyes squinted closed while they blush at the casual way you say their names. You look up when the door opens and a nurse is pointing to your finger. Shyly you return to bed clipping the monitor. The boys come closer. Midoriya taking the chair and Bakugou remains standing. There is a dead silence between the three of you. You rub your arm not really knowing what to say. You don’t have to speak since they both speak up, Midoriya first followed by Bakugou.

“Are you mad at us?” Midoriya looks sorrowful at you, like a puppy that didn’t know what it got hit for. You didn’t get a chance to ask why.

“He’s asking if your pissed that we saved you.” Bakugou looks away from you and Midoriya looks down. You finally look at them. Not smell or feel them, no, look at them. Bakugou had sunken in eyes, the dark rings turning into black holes around his eye lids. The white of his eyes match Midoriya’s, red and irritated. He had been crying, they both had. Bakugou’s knuckles had obvious signs of quirk overuse and scratches from hitting something rough. Midoriya’s cheeks seemed hollow, like he hadn’t eaten or hydrated. His hair was messier and not in a casual way, in a neglectful way. They both exhibit pain, trauma, remorse. How could you have done this? How could you prevent it from happening again?

“You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me, I’m not okay. ” The words slipped out and you didn’t feel bad for saying them. You weren’t okay and they needed to know this wasn’t a fairy tale. They both raised a brow like you had stated an obvious fake. The both responded at the same time.

“No shit.” Bakugou. “And that’s okay.” Midoriya.

Both boys knew you were broken and they thought that was fine. How foreign of a concept to you.

“You guys are okay with this? With me?”

“Are you stupid? No this isn’t okay.” Bakugou’s words were growled. “Kacchan.”

“Shut up, it isn’t okay that you feel like way. You need to get help and that’s what your going to do in this fucking hospital. We are going to be here with you. It okay to be sad and hate yourself but it’s not okay to live that way. You are going to get better. I fucking swear my future as a hero on it.” Bakugou’s words quaked with passion. You started crying and felt Midoriya rub soothing circles on the top of your hand with his thumb. You nodded along with Bakugou and Midoriya followed him up. “You can take all the time that you need, we will be here every step of the way. Even during the bad times and the breakdowns. We will never judge you.”

Sobbing was all you could do while comforting you was what they could do. They promised and they were going to keep their word.

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A month, that was the time frame the hospital gave you. You chose to stay and get help and what made it easier was having Bakugou and Midoriya support you. The month had gone by in strange intervals. You had bad days were you tried to hurt yourself and found sanctuary in the arms of Mr. Aizawa who had to stop you. He was patient and nurturing as well. The first week had more downs then ups. The second week Bakugou made you where his hoodie claiming you were becoming a nerd with Midoriya’s on. The second week also ended with gifts and flowers covering your recovery room. Notes from everyone talking about how much they missed you and tell you what was happening while you were gone. The third week brought you friends. Everyone visited on different days and in different groups. Iida had apologized for his lack of leadership and not helping you. You dismissed his words and gave him a smile and hug. Momo cried and apologized and that seemed to be the cycle. Jirou didn’t cry but she was melancholy. The girls and boys that came and went made you feel so many emotions and so many hugs and tears were given. Kaminari had snot dripping out of his nose as he hugged you. The moment Mina laid her eyes on you the world stopped. You screamed her name and she screamed yours. Kirishima literally had to remove her to leave which upset her. She told you she loved you and to never try to kill yourself again. A smile was given but no promise. Not till you could tell yourself it and believe it. The last person who came was Uraraka. She was almost not allowed in by blonde guard dog but you told him she could. You both sat in silence before she cried. She cried and you did exactly what Bakugou said you would. You forgave her and blamed yourself. She argued but couldn’t win. The gentle honest smile on your face hurt but she returned the smile.

“Let’s start over.” You hugged her goodbye and cried in Bakugou’s arms because the words still lingered and hurt.

The fourth and finally week had you shaking with nervousness. You were going home to your friends, your family. You were free and maybe not cured but you felt good. You could say you were okay and mean it. The pain was there but it was a phantom pain. You had a plan and knew that even if you had episodes and breakdowns that was okay and people were there to help you if you just let them. As you packed your bags and left with Mr. Aizawa you felt nervous and happy. He smiled as you said goodbye to the staff who waved with smiles and tears in their eyes. You had life in yours and that was much more than you had a month ago. The car ride was quiet and as you opened a bag you noticed something sticking out. It was a letter, actually there were two of them. Midoriya’s hand writing on one, Bakugou’s on the other. You were afraid to open them but did it anyway. Midoriya’s said.

[I have something I need to tell you, please meet me in the teacher’s lounge.]

Bakugou’s was similar in context but simply said.

[In front of the main campus building]

You had an idea of what this might lead to and this conflicted you because you loved both of them, however one of them had been there for you like no other. You had loved them even before this. You knew where you needed to go.

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-MIDORIYA’S ENDING -

You had placed your bags back into your room and left for the exit before anyone could take your time. You almost collided with someone outside as your rushed out. The person gasped and you apologized reaching for the letter that slipped from your hands. The person picked it up first and read it. You felt true fear overtake you as you stared at Uraraka. She read the note and you wanted to cry and run but instead you gently held your hand out for it. She did something you hadn’t expected, she smiled. Her eyes held no jealousy or ill-intent.

“Uraraka, I”

“Don’t keep him waiting.” You both made eye contact and you had to rub your eyes to keep from crying. You both changed for the better and this proved she tried and not running away or giving up proved you were trying too. You left her in the doorway rushing off to find him. You saw Bakugou near the building he told you to meet him and you waved. He waved back realizing you were running past. He sighed before sadly smirking. “I’ll always be here for you even though you chose him.”

You couldn’t hear the words but you knew they were true. He wouldn’t hold this against you because this was what made you happy. This was something you wanted and chased after. The door to the lounge got closer and closer until you were breathing heavily outside of it. Your legs were wobbly and you felt light headed. You gripped the knob tight and opened the door. Midoriya was sitting in his usual spot. You both made eye contact and his cheeks, which were already red, grew deeper. You tried to steady your breathing and calm your chest but failed. You sat down across from him and felt for a second like you were back to the second time you had run. Well no more running. You put the letter on the table. He was quiet and for a second you thought maybe you were wrong. That’s when he stiffly stood up and bent forward in a bow.

“Y/n! I have been watching you since we starting attending UA together. I have always found you fascinating and strong. I always thought nothing could bring you down but I was wrong. You were much stronger than any hero I have researched. You fought, protected, trained, learned, and so much more all while hurting and fighting yourself. I think you are the bravest most amazing person ever and I don’t ever want to lose you or let go of you.” There was so much to unpack and he was talking so fast with no muttering. You were blushing and trying to think of an argument about being strong but knew it would be pointless. Midoriya was building up to saying the words and you didn’t know if your heart could handle running here and a confession.  

“Y/n L/n, I love you and I understand if you can’t love me right now but.” You had called his name a few times as tears filled your eyes. He wasn’t listening so you moved across the table, lifted his head and kissed him. He was shocked but relieved. His arms moved around your middle pulling you closer which caused you to fall completely over the coffee table and into his arms. You both laughed before you pushed you face into his chest holding onto him tightly.

“I love you too Izuku Midoriya. I might mess up but please bear with me.”

This wasn’t a fairy tale ending, it was life. You had gotten the boy but you were still struggling. There was no miracle cure, no prince charming’s kiss to make the pain go away. Just two guys trying to help you help yourself. For this exact moment you were okay and that was okay.

--------------------------------------------------------

-BAKUGOU’S ENDING-

The moment your bags hit the floor of your room you ran to the elevator. You were nervous but thrilled. You wanted to over think but stopped yourself. You hushed the bad words with confident ones. The elevator ding freed you and your legs moved forward right into Mina who was going to go see you. The two of you hugged and she spun you around. The letter slipped from your grasp and you quickly reached for it but she was faster. You watched her read the simple location and waited for the mocking or teasing. Instead she placed the paper back in your hand and winked. “You don’t wanna keep him waiting do you.”

You could have cried at her support but didn’t have time. How long had he been waiting? Was he still there? Worrying was pointless because as you ran path lit up by the evening sky you saw him. He was leaning against the building looking up. You slowed your pace and followed his gaze. There was nothing there but as your approached, still watching the sky, you realized this was the same building you jumped from. One hell of a spot to meet. You felt fear build up but stop when Bakugou spoke.

“When I caught you in my arms, I couldn’t use my quirk to get us back into the building. My first thought hadn’t been to call out to Deku but to protect you. I held you close and braced for impact. In that moment I wasn’t a hero. I was me and you were the most important person in my life and I needed you to live. I needed to see your stupid smile and hear your laugh. I wanted you to call out my name from across the school yard while all these stupid fucking extras stared confused because they don’t understand us. I couldn’t lose you, and I can’t lose you.” His attention had been up but was now focused only on you. Your heart stopped beating, or maybe it was beating too fast. Right now, you couldn’t tell. You could tell that you were crying. That he was crying. He aggressively wiped the tears away. “God, I don’t think you understand how I feel about you. I’ve been in love with you the moment I watched you suck at throwing that ball our first day. I had been so angry and couldn’t understand why you laughed and smiled even though you ‘lost’. I understood later when you told the shitty girls that throwing that ball meant you were one step closer to being a hero, to saving lives. You were, are what heroes should be, should thrive to be. You want to save people even when your suffering. You’d die for anyone even someone who hurts you. It’s stupid and reckless and it you. You are my hero more than I am yours. You never hurt anyone while you hurt. You never blamed others. I did all of those things and take out my regret on people. I want to be a little more like you but I also want to help you see that you can love yourself. I know it isn’t easy and hell it might take years but I’ll be here for every one of them.”

Bakugou was a mean, aggressive, and narcissistic person, at least that’s what people sold him as. You never bought it because you knew what profiling people did. You knew what life was like in that box and you didn’t want either of you in it. You hadn’t realized he loved you all that time and yet you could say he was dumb because it took your crumbling mental state for him to realize you might like him back. You looked at him and moved forward till your arms were around him. That sweet caramel smell filled your nostrils and he felt like home. A million thoughts moved around in your head but you pushed them down. The bad thoughts were still there but you didn’t have to deal with them alone, and now you understood that.

“I love you Bakugou, I have loved you for so long and I never could say it but now. Now I don’t have to be afraid because when I’m sad you are there.” Bakugou laughed and held you closer. His lips pecked yours once then again and again until you whined and he gave you a real kiss. His lips were hot and soft against your cooler healing ones.

“You can be sad when I’m not around. You don’t have to be okay. Not right now, in time.”

“Bakugou, why did you pick this spot to confess.” Bakugou let you go and pointed upward. You followed his gaze and heard his words.

“Because one day I’m going to bring you back here and you are going to stand on the roof and scream from the top of your lungs that you did it, that you are okay.”

He caught you before you could collapse as sobs escaped. He showered you in kisses because he knew you needed to feel this way to get better. He would hold you while you cried because this was just a stop on the way to that future, he wanted for you. He wasn’t here to save you. You could do that yourself. He was here because he loved you.  

[the-ghost-of-jason-todd]

here’s my analysis of TK.  you ready?  i think that he has bad emotional regulation that manifests outwardly as mood swings and (more) inwardly as substance abuse problems, aka self-medication.  his moods are always caused by something, but he can’t always or doesn’t always want to articulate what’s wrong, and often turns to substances or distractions to help deal with it.  it’s not that he’s hot-headed, or that he’s an angry person, or that he’s unreasonable--he’s really not.  it’s just that he feels things in a big way and isn’t always equipped to handle it.  which yeah, that’s something he needs to work on, but there’s the added issue of the fact that other people see this, and they assume things about him or put labels on him that don’t really apply. 

it’s happened a couple times now.  carlos calls him ‘crazy’ in s1, and his parents have a conversation about him ‘flying off the handle’ in s2.  i honestly don’t think either of those things happened the way that the others claim they happened.  like... TK’s mom’s version of TK ‘flying off the handle’ is calling her and his dad a few unkind adjectives.  he doesn’t get physical, he doesn’t threaten her, it’s pretty much just the one line where he calls them something rude (but kind of true honestly) in a moment of high emotion.  and it’s important to note that at both that moment AND during his talk at carlos’s place, he’s VERY triggered.  carlos was pushing for a dinner date that he sprang on TK and said the infamous “it’s a meal, not a marriage proposal” line.  his parents are very literally re-enacting what he considers one of the worst moments of his life.  and all TK does is, with the carlos situation, state that he’s not into it and leave--and with the parent situation, say something rude that he probably regrets like fifteen minutes later.  not exactly an unreasonable response, even if he should probably apologize for the name-calling.

there are also smaller instances of this.  like just after that conversation with his mom, when he passes his dad on the stairs.  his dad greets him and he says ‘morning’ back on his way past.  owen then compares him to a ‘blast of chilly air’.  like maybe that was low energy or cold for TK, but he was still polite, he still greeted his dad, he didn’t lash out he was just... kind of quiet.  trying to process some big things without falling off the wagon, i’d say.  trying to handle being triggered and angry at his parents.  and yet, despite the fact that he’s actually refrained from lashing out, there’s still this narrative that the others have of him being unstable or volatile or cold or crazy or whatever else.

which brings me to my main point.  i think TK internalizes the things people say.  like a lot.  after carlos calls him crazy, he apologizes for it.  using that exact word.  when he’s talking to buck, he mentions that he’s done things ‘a lot worse than steal a firetruck’.  whose gauge is he using here?  maybe not his dad’s, because from what we’ve seen owen doesn’t necessarily use that kind of language, but i still don’t think it was originally his own.  he also calls himself a ‘little bitch’ after an argument with carlos at one point.  no one calls him that one, but it’s clear that he’s made the leap himself from what people DID say and his analysis of the situation.  he’s again come to the conclusion that he’s wrong.  and yeah, it’s a complex situation, and he can’t be perfectly right when there are two sides to the story, but he ALWAYS comes to the conclusion that he’s wrong.  eventually, after he cools down, he realizes that he was upset or triggered and assumes that means nothing he felt or said was valid.  and i don’t think i’ve seen anyone contradict this, really.  maybe i will on my rewatch, but as of right now... this is how it is.

of course, it may be that at some point in his life these descriptions were more apt.  when he was using, or when he was a teenager, or whatever.  owen and gwyn can probably see a younger version of TK when he gets heated or goes quiet, and that version of TK may have actually done things that warrant this kind of scrutiny.  but the fact remains that at this point in his life, TK doesn’t do anything particularly bad.  his parents are seeing something that isn’t really there.  and carlos honestly has no excuse for calling him crazy that one time.  at least, none that are apparent to us, the viewers.

TL;DR: TK is bad with emotions, but not as bad as everyone else says he is.  he’s just internalized the things that everyone else says.

[banshee1013]

Suptober Day 13 - Ladies

Overall Title: The Road Less Traveled

Overall Rating: Mature (may change to Explicit, we’ll see how it goes)

Tags: Castiel/Dean, mention of Sam/Eileen, Jody, Donna, Post-Season 15, ExAngel!Cas, MostlyRetiredHunter!Dean, Road Trip

(Note: all ficlets are unbeta’d. At the end of the month, I’ll wrap up whatever I manage to get written, clean it up, get it beta’d, and post to AO3. So please pardon any mistakes!)

========================================================

CHAPTER EIGHT - LADIES

Words: 2191

“Next exit, Dean.” 

He’s keeping his voice carefully neutral, projecting calm - but Dean knows better.

Cas is beside himself with excitement. 

----------------------

They had stopped for lunch at a little diner in Myers Flats the day before, when Dean realized how close they were to the giant redwoods. They finished their meal and spent the rest of the day driving the Avenue of the Giants, stopping at several locations to explore or take pictures; even driving through the Shrine Drive-Thru Tree (which of course, Dean had to get a picture of Baby parked inside the Tree, immediately sending it to Sam). 

It was a wonderful day, spent among beautiful ancient trees - but inside, Dean was freaking out. 

Fuckin’ dumbass. How could you have just BLURTED it out like that??

It’s not that Dean regretted the question - not by a long shot - and was absolutely over the moon about Cas’ response. 

But the way it had come out… UGH. 

So, while outwardly Dean enjoyed the drive and the trees, and Cas among the trees (“Some of these trees are over two thousand years old, Dean!”) - internally, he was desperately trying to figure out a way of correcting his incredible proposal faux pas. 

Adding to his anxiety over the whole thing - Cas hadn’t mentioned it again. 

Not a peep. Not a word. 

They spent the night in a cozy little cabin at a motor lodge in Phillipsville, both so exhausted they fell asleep almost as soon as their heads hit the pillows.

The next morning, Dean had woken up to Cas coming back in the room, two steaming cups of coffee and some danishes from the motel office in his hands - and positively vibrating with excitement. 

Setting the coffee and danish on the nightstand, he thrusts a brochure at him.

“While I was waiting for the coffee to finish percolating, I struck up a conversation with the proprietor,” Cas explained, “ and when I mentioned we were headed south she informed me about a large accumulation of wineries near our route. She showed me a rack of informational pamphlets on these wineries, and I found this one!” He gleefully pointed at the name on the brochure - ‘Beehave Winery’. “They make mead there, Dean!” 

Dean vaguely recalls the term - isn’t that what they drank at Camelot or something? 

Cas correctly interpreted the look on his face - “Honey wine, Dean!” He plucked the brochure from Dean’s hand, opening it and thrusting an eager finger inside. “And they have their own beehives!”

Well, beehives. Of course they were going to stop there. 

Cas must have taken Dean’s silence as protest, his eyes dropping and his voice taking on a pleading tone. 

“I know it’s farther inland, and that you wished to turn off onto Highway 1 in Leggett (Cas knew Dean’s route better than Dean did at this point), and I know you prefer beer to wine...”

Dean reached a hand to his chin, lifting it up to look into his eyes. “Hey, hey… it’s fine!” He set the brochure on the bed and stood, gathering Cas into his arms. “This trip isn’t just about me, sweetheart. We can do whatever we both want.” 

Cas buried his face in Dean’s neck and sighed happily. “So, we can go see the bees, then?”

Dean laughed and pulled away, pressing a kiss onto his forehead. “Of course we can. Wine has alcohol, I can get behind that.” 

--------------------------

Cas peers at the map on the brochure, brows pinched in concentration.

“Turn left onto Silverado Trail.”

Dean takes the exit and turns left, following Cas’ directions. They pass a number of wineries with names like ‘Black Stallion Winery’ and ‘Reynolds Family Winery’, or fancier ones like ‘Signorello Estates’ and ‘Clos du Val’. Parking lots full of cars and wine tour buses, the road lined with grape vines as far as the eye can see. 

“There! There it is!” Cas points excitedly at the sign for the winery by a small road leading up to a group of buildings off the road. Dean turns onto it and drives up to the parking lot, pulling into a spot next to another of the ubiquitous wine tour buses. 

Cas hops out of the car and comes around to the drivers side, taking Dean’s hand and all but pulling him from the car in his eagerness. Dean laughs and squeezes Cas’ hand, slowing him down so he can close and lock the Impala. 

“Calm down, angel. The bees aren’t going anywhere.” 

As they approach the group of buildings, the buzz of voices reaches them, light and happy. They follow the sound to the tasting room, where a small but enthusiastic crowd is gathered around a long counter. A… bartender, Dean guesses… pours a light amber wine into an empty wine glass, passing it to one of the waiting customers, a bubbly blonde. A second bartender pours her companion - a slight, salt-and-pepper haired woman -  a darker reddish wine into her glass. They turn to each other and tap the glasses together with a bright clink. 

“Cheers, Jodes!” 

Dean stops dead in his tracks, his arm yanked hard by Cas who’s attention is on the corner of the room full of bee and honey paraphernalia. 

“Dean…?” Cas turns to see what brought Dean up short and follows his gaze.

“Is that… Sheriff Mills and Sheriff Hanscum?” 

The ladies turn towards them… and it’s Jody who recognizes them first.

“D-Dean? Dean Winchester?” she says, stammering in surprise.

“What about Dean?” Donna asks before following Jody’s shocked gaze. “Oh my! DEANO!” 

She all but launches herself at him, Dean dropping Cas’ hand just before she envelopes him in a huge bear hug. 

Cas manages to grab the wine glass from her hand before it ends up all over Dean’s back, as Jody approaches at a more sedate pace. “And Castiel! What brings you boys to Napa Valley?” She quickly lowers her voice. “You boys on a case? Where’s Sam?” 

Dean extricates himself from Donna and turns to give Jody a warm hug. “No, no case - Cas and I are on a road trip,” he says, laughing at the expression on Cas’ face as Donna squishes him as well. He rescues Donna’s wine glass in turn, and hands it back to her when she’s done mauling Cas. 

A flurry of conversation erupts - “Fancy meeting you here!” “What are you ladies doing out here?” “How are you boys?” “Dean and I are doing quite well, thank you.”

“So, where’s Sam?” Jody asks again, accompanying Dean and Cas as they head to the counter to get their own glasses of wine. 

“He and Eileen are… hunting. Yeah, that’s it.” Dean waggles his eyebrows at Jody. 

Donna bursts into a gale of laughter. “Oh I betcha that’s what they’re doin’!” 

“C’mon, let’s getcha some wine and let’s go find a place to catch up.” 

Dean gets a glass of the dark red wine, Cas the amber one, and they head to a table in the corner, away from the noise of the bar.

“So, what are you doing here?” Dean asks them again.

“Oh, we’re here on a wine retreat - ‘Cops and Corks’.” Donna jabs a thumb back at the group gathered around the bar. “I dragged Jodes here last year and we liked it so much, we came back!” She points between them. “What’s this I hear about a road trip?” 

“There has not been very much activity since Chuck left,” Cas explains. “There’s still the occasional hunt but Sam and Eileen took the last one, and Dean was bored.” He takes a sip of his wine and his eyebrows raise.

Dean chuckles. “Like that, do ya, sweetheart?” His eyes immediately go wide as he realizes he just outed themselves... to Jody and Donna. 

The girls don’t even blink an eye. “That’s really great,” Jody says, her voice warm. “You guys deserve it.” 

Dean isn’t sure if she’s talking about the trip… or his inadvertent admission. 

But… would it be such a big deal if they did know? Donna and Jody are family. 

And Dean was done hiding his affection… his love… for Cas. 

He reaches for Cas’ hand and gives it a squeeze. Cas turns and the smile he gives Dean lights up the room. 

The conversation continues on from there - the girls are doing well; Alex has finished nursing school and is doing her residency now; Patience is still having visions but not as much anymore, she’s off to college and doing well; and Claire is still… well, Claire. Still going on the occasional hunt, still missing Kaia. Cas’ face falls at this news and vows to visit with her, turning to Dean for support and Dean nodding in agreement. 

And for some reason, the motion of Cas looking to him like that brings back the anxiety of the botched proposal.

Their wine glasses are empty, and Dean sure could use another (although he’ll never admit to actually liking it - if asked, it’s just alcohol. But it’s actually pretty tasty). 

“Who’s up for another round? I”m buyin’.” Donna and Cas are in deep conversation over the applications of knives over guns or something, but both absently raise a quick hand. 

Jody tilts her head, her look inscrutable. “Sure, I could use another. Need a hand?”

Dean realizes that yes, he could use a hand - and not just with the wine. He nods and they set off towards the bar, empty glasses in hand. 

“So spill, Winchester. What’s eatin’ you?” Jody asks as soon as they’re out of earshot.

Dean swallows nervously. “Well, I kind a spilled the beans about me and Cas back there…” 

Jody takes both wine glasses in one hand and places her free one on his bicep, giving a gentle squeeze. “Yeah, and I’m glad.” She snorts and drops her hand. “And frankly, it’s about damn time.” She arches an eyebrow at him. “So, what of it?” 

They reach the bar and place their orders. Dean sighs. 

“Jody, I fucked up.” 

Jody’s brows pinch in concern. “How so?” She looks back at the table, and Dean follows her gaze. Cas looks up at them, gives him a soft smile and a wave. Dean waves back, his heart in his throat. 

Damn it, he loves Cas so much. How could he have fucked up so bad?

“Doesn’t look like he thinks so.” 

Dean turns back to Jody, shoulders sagging. “Jody, I proposed to him.” 

Jody’s eyes light up and she lightly punches his arm. “You dog! Congrats!” Then her face falls. “Oh, shit… he said yes, right?” 

“Yeah, he said yes.” 

Jody squints, puzzled. “So, how did you fuck up?” Her eyes grow hard. “You better have meant it.”

Dean’s eyes snap to hers. “Yeah… hell, yeah, I meant it!” He bites his lip and sighs. “But… I just blurted it out, Jody. No grand gesture, no nothin’. Just ‘Cas, marry me’. UGH” 

He startles at Jody’s sudden peal of laughter, then grabbing his arm. “Oh Dean, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh.” She stops laughing but her eyes are still dancing. “So, he said yes, right?”

“Yeah….?” 

“Then you didn’t fuck up, Dean!” She gives his arm another squeeze. “You did just fine!” 

“But…”

“NO BUTS,” she cuts him off sternly. “He said yes. You’re golden.” 

“Jody, he hasn’t said anything about it since I asked.” Dean feels a pang in his chest - saying it out loud making his anxiety all that more real.

She shrugs. “Dean, he’s an ex-angel. They’re very literal creatures. He probably thinks it’s a done deal.” Then, she chuckles. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he thinks you’re married already.” 

Dean gives a wan laugh, and picks up his and Cas’ refilled wine glasses, Jody grabbing hers and Donna’s; and they head back to the table. 

The uncertainty is backing off some, but there’s still some lingering doubt, and Jody’s mom instincts must pick up on it.

“Listen, Dean. Just because you asked and he said yes, doesn’t mean you can’t ask again - you could still do the grand gesture if it’s what you want to do.” She jostles his arm with an elbow. “I’ve seen how he looks at you, I’m pretty certain you’ll get the same answer.” 

They rejoin Cas and Donna at the table. Jody hands Donna her glass, taking a sip from her own. 

Dean sets the wine glasses down, and spins Cas around, pulling him into his arms. 

“Love you, Cas,” he murmurs into his ear.

Cas squeezes Dean back. “I love you too, Dean. Always.” 

“Ohmigosh, you two, get a room!” Donna chortles loudly, and Jody almost chokes on her wine. 

Dean feels every bit of anxiety and uncertainty drain from him, and he laughs joyfully, leaning back in Cas’ arms. Cas’ smile is warm and wide, his eyes shining with love. 

Releasing Cas but keeping an arm around his waist to hold him close, Dean raises his glass. 

“To friends and family,” he intones, then looks down into Cas’ bright eyes. 

“And to the future.” 

He hears the glasses click as Donna, Jody, and Cas tap their glasses to his raised one, but he only has eyes for Cas. 

[jawnjendes]

a little bit longer | shawn mendes

shawn x goth oc

forevermore 2/?

AN: haha,,,,,, guess whos simping again. i’ll be posting a throwback one shot featuring shawn n ann in a few days too,,,,,,

PREVIOUS

masterlist | playlist

It all started with abdominal pain. It always seemed to start that way. This time around, Shawn nor Ann didn't worry because, well, money. Shawn had better resources, and a personal doctor on call to prescribe Ann the best combo of antibiotics. That should have been that, but it's never that simple.

Ann had gone back to work once she started taking the antibiotics, so she missed out on more meetings with Isabella. She didn’t seem that torn up about it. Isabella went through the contract with a fine toothed comb, trying to find some type of loophole to get Shawn and Camila out of this. In other words, Shawn was too focused, and too physically distant from his girlfriend, so when he got a phone call, it was like being hit with ice cold water.

“Your wife is in critical condition, you need to come right away.”

That’s all it took for Shawn to forget everything else. He didn’t even double take at the fact that the person on the other line said “wife.” (Ann put Shawn down as an emergency contact, but it was unknown as to what she put as her relation to him until now.) He didn't say a single word to Camila or Isabella as he grabbed his keys and bolted. Nothing mattered, not the traffic, not the lights, not the pap van following his Jeep, not the fact that he could very well violate his contract by doing this. It doesn't matter.

Shawn got to the hospital and approached the help desk in the main lobby. "I'm here to see Annalise Flores."

"What is your relationship?" the receptionist asked, typing on the computer.

He was going to answer, but then someone cut him off and approached the desk.

"Ex-boyfriend." It was Eduardo Flores, Ann's father. He had a stern look on his face, which only added to his intimidating goth appearance.

Shawn hadn't seen this man in years. Ed let his hair grow and held it back in a bun. He had plenty more tattoos going up and down his arms, and he was decked out in all black like always. The thing is, he wasn't normally this intimidating or angry looking.

"This guy isn't allowed to see my daughter, you hear me?" Ed said to the receptionist.

"That would be up to the patient," she said back.

"I, I wasn't-" Shawn feebly tried to cover up his reason for being here, but Ed cut him off again.

"I heard you say her name. What, you break up years and years ago but you suddenly want her back now that she's sick and vulnerable? You should have thought about that a long time ago!"

Shawn only remained silently confused. What exactly did Ann tell her parents about their break up six years ago? Regardless, he had to think on the fly.

"We're still friends, sir," he said.

"Gentlemen, if you could please clear the area," the receptionist piped up.

The two of them moved out to the waiting room. Shawn still tried to reason with Ed.

"We still talk, we're friends," he said. "She texted me and told me what was happening."

"Then how come she hasn't mentioned you before? Annalise never hides anything from me."

That wasn't exactly true. Ann hid plenty of things from her parents, even little things. Her parents spent a lot of her childhood fishing out any type of personal information from her to the point where she now kept her life as private as possible. She didn't want anyone knowing anything about her. Of course she didn't tell her parents about Shawn, apart from the fact that she wasn't allowed to.

Of course Shawn couldn't just outwardly say that Ann is his girlfriend at the risk of violating his contract… or at the risk that her parents keep up with celebrity gossip and knew that he was supposed to be seen with Camila. Still, he didn't regret going out into the public eye, his priority is Ann. But it was still frustrating that all of these cover ups had to happen, that Shawn had to think about every step he had to take next.

"Look, she is my best friend and I really care about her," he said, careful not to blatantly lie. "Can you just tell me what happened? Please, I'm worried about her too."

Ed gave him a once over, and then gave in. He was honestly very easy to persuade. Intimidating as he was on the outside, Ed was a big softie on the inside.  "She admitted herself. Said she had a lot of pain in her abdomen. They took her for a CT and found internal bleeding, so now she's having an emergency surgery."

The news sent Shawn's stomach down to his feet. He thought about the last time he saw Ann, and how she was feeling. All she talked about were minor cramps. How did it escalate so drastically in a matter of days?

He suddenly looked up, realizing another pair of eyes was on him… or several.

The other receptionists at the main desk, some people in the waiting room, and even the security guards at the lobby entrance were doing double takes at Shawn. Even when he had his own problems and was very visibly distressed, he was still a pop star.

That was when all of his media training came to mind. He shouldn't be here because of all the eyes and ears and smartphones. He shouldn't be here because if Andrew or Justin found out they would be pissed. He shouldn't be here because the media will find a way to find out why he was here, who he was here for, and then Ann would be pissed.

He immediately stood up straighter, trying to erase the distress from his face.

"Is anyone else here for her?" he asked Ed.

"Her cousin Jimena is on the way," he replied. "More relatives will probably come and go all day."

Shawn nodded. At least Ann wouldn't be alone, but that didn't stop the sinking sensation in his stomach. He didn't want to do this, but he had to. "Would you tell her I stopped by?"

"You don't want to tell her yourself?" Ed asked, confused. "I mean, you're here after all."

"Yeah, but I figured none of your family would want to see me, so…"

Ed simply gave him a look. "Right. You're a big shot rockstar now, too good for my daughter, huh?"

"No, of course not-"

"Don't worry about it. No one will ever know you were here." Ed shrugged and walked off towards the lobby exit.

Shawn stood there, frustrated. Apparently, when your daughter dumps her boyfriend, you and the entire extended family must blacklist said boyfriend, even if he makes a comeback and proves that he still cares about said daughter. Yes, Ann was the one to end things with Shawn in 2020, but he was the bad guy.

Next time, Shawn would just have to play nice and accept the passive aggression from Ann's parents and other family members he might run into.

With a heavy sigh, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He sent a text to Isabella, apologizing for the sudden departure and letting her know what had happened. Now that he was over the initial shock, he felt a little guilty for leaving the meeting so suddenly.

Then, he went for the exit. He saw Ed re-entering, this time with a young woman at his side.

She was tall, brown, and had short spiky hair. Decked out in a red t-shirt and ripped light wash jeans. That was Jimena Velazquez, one of Ann's cousins. She made eye contact with Shawn as she passed by him. Perplexed but still with recognition. She didn't say anything because Ed was speaking to her.

Shawn met her once before, when he met Ann's extended family for the first time in 2020. Jimena was really laid back and kind, immediately accepting Shawn into the family. Ann always referred to her as the sister she never had. Of course she would be here on this day.

If only Shawn could do the same.

_______

NEXT 

gonna make a new taglist so lmk if you wanna be added!

[gyujeongfmd]

restructuring task 1 / changes *+10 ecp

1. assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different? these can be as small as an opinion on a song they hadn’t released previously or as big as a major change in their background. (wc / 297)

if the spectrum lies in minjung not changing at all, and taejin doing a 180. then, gyu’s right in the middle. there are a few changes — one being that now he dances, and he’s no longer a main rapper. but the dancing portion isn’t something he trained on or necessarily has a passion about, but instead something that comes instinctively to him? he’s the opposite of a 몸치 aka he is the opposite of not having any sense of rhythm. that kind of stuff comes natural to him, and even when he was underground inside his hyung’s apartment — his dancing was above average for someone who’s never had a dancing skill. however, that becomes polished once he enters gold star.

another change is that he’s at gold star now — it came about when he tried to audition for show me the money as a young child, but instead got recruited (all thanks to his looks. but turns out he’s more than a pretty face). this meant he trained under gold star and they promised him a bunch of things? he believed it because he was still naive, and under the thought that he’d find some freedom by debuting as an idol (he had no idea what idols did prior to this, or a bad general understanding).

i’d say his general change is his attitude towards his group? knight was more focused on him not liking his group at all, but with platinum he feels in a way sorry though he doesn’t outwardly show it. there’s some sense of brotherly bond but not enough to tether him, but also not far off that it brings him to completely leave. as a result, he’s in limbo about how he is — still grappling with that one day at a time.

2. what does your muse think of their company and their group? (wc / 259)

compared to bc, gyujeong likes gold star. at least, enough that he doesn’t outwardly want to start a smear campaign about bang sunyoung like he did with kim byungchul. that being said, he doesn’t really like the company either — the noonas that recruited him promised everything and for a while, when he was a trainee he did get good treatment compared to the half basements he was living in with his hyungs. however, he debuted and he realized that this was all bullshit — everything they promised was gone and done especially when the songs he releases are complete shit and they rarely let him take a hand on it. (well, that’s because of his punishment).he realizes now that there’s no freedom in debuting, and a bit too late. it’s hardened him to the point where he blames gold star for his big downfall of being this new persona he wasn’t when he was a child.

as for his group? he doesn’t hate his group nor does he love his group either. the music they release, he thinks is corny for the most part — especially the ballady nature. however, he feels somewhat sorry for dragging them down in a way? he feels the shit they get is mainly because of him, and he feels some loyalty to his group especially because they’ve picked up on where he’s fucked up in the past. he’s still not letting them be all blood brothers, hugging and saying ilysm! lylas! but he’s learn to grow with them, and just take it as is.

3. is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract? if they haven’t renewed, what are their current thoughts on the end of their eventual first contract? (wc: 303)

gyujeong renewed his contract with gold star in 2018. honestly, he knows why he did it. but he regrets it to a degree — half of it, i’d like to say is the gold star pressure. they pressured him, basically giving him the lines of ‘what are you gonna do now? you have no career outside of platinum.’ which was true considering he had 0 solo opportunities back then. he was 26 at the time, so he was aged so even if he wanted to make his debut as a rapper, it’d be hard since he was getting so much shit for selling out to be an idol to begin with. plus, public hate surrounding him at that point was a high, and gold star basically made it like they were the only option to save him — his 26 year old ass was scared on the inside, as much as he hates to admit. as a result, he signed on for another year thinking he didn’t want to retire because what skills did he have to offer? he didn’t graduate high school, he didn’t go to college. he makes music, but if gold star decided to black list him then he’d be fucked with a 0 person fan base.

another reason he chose to sign on was because of his group. this is unknown but deep down he felt sorry for the shit he caused within his group — and seeing as how his group all signed on, he felt some sense of responsibility to carry on, especially because they’re a four person team. one person lost is 25%, and that’s a lot when you have more groups in the horizon waiting to take over whatever niche platinum is in. 

so, all in all, he signed on bc he had no choice / kinda felt guilty.

4. what are your muse’s goals and motivations? (wc / 324)

gyujeong doesn’t have many goals at all — at this point, he’s given up having any goals within gold star because he feels he’s been fucked over by them one too many times. he got a solo? which was great, and oddly well received by the public — but he also thinks those were pity listens, and not worth much. doubts it transfers over if he came back (he kinda cares). but realistically, his goals might be to release another album in the future? 

right now, his attention’s on fashion though. he’d like to get more global recognition for his line, far from the asia target market. he’d want to be known with the greats (that’s just wishful thinking lmao). but it’d be nice to house a fashion week set, or go at least. he’d want to carry on his relations with chanel because he truly loves the brand and everything it stands for.

motivations? he has none. he doesn’t know what love is, has basically no friends and a cat. he’s living life day by day and seeing what becomes of it — ideally, what he’d want to really have as a goal is to find happiness. corny, i know. but the happiness he once had as a child (void of any parental figures).

i’d suppose his goal right now is to stop writing music based on what his company wants. they know the tracks he touches usually are generally better received than the public, and because his ‘ban’ aka punishment for getting into scandals is over (ala a solo debut), gold star seems to want to make him use his creativity for platinum’s tracks. however, he doesn’t want to be a pack mule and wants to start creating music for the sake of him — basically, he’s exhausted from his solo debut doesn’t know if he wants to make a comeback at all or wait another ten years or just retire completely.

5. what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future? (wc / 329)

he’s at a low — he has no real friends, minus hidden figures here and there. he has no music left on the table that gold star seems to want (they always tell him last minute and pick the songs he doesn’t want to release). he basically got told off by someone he loved to get over it — he has nothing left. he’s a dramatic little bitch, but what can i do? 

he’s dealing with how to handle these things one by one. 

career wise — he’s doing a lot in fashion? and that becomes a piece of confusion when he neglects music for fashion and gold star wants something released, and they can’t because gyu hasn’t touched logic or ableton in near months prepping for the next line of his work. he does it when inspiration hits and works at his own pace. then again, he can’t? because he has the guilt of having to carry the burdens of his past he doesn’t let show. it’s a recipe for disaster when it all brews internally and he doesn’t let it out and instead runs to different avenues for escape. 

he doesn’t know what he wants. he just wants to live life like kanye, but knows that he can’t because he’s not kanye.

he’s also dealing with the conflict of being pigeon holed into one genre. his earlier works focused more on being true to himself, and his core — into the new world, empty. etc. the more sentimental ballad-esque pop songs were when he was more carefree / optimistic about the world. however now, he’s been more hardened? and the scandals have left him more contained as to what gold star would let him do — aka, keep up the bad boy image the public seems to know him for. as a result, he’s not able to venture out or get back in touch in fear of what others may think / his underground buddies may think

6. if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why. (wc / 384)

gyu’s established career claims fall under three categories — variety, modeling / fashion, and music. musically is the easiest as he’s released his solo album after ten years, lmao. i like that he hasn’t touched music in ten years just because gold star hasn’t let him release it — they finally let him off the leash after so much despite letting him work behind the scenes. behind the scenes, they let him work on a lot of things. his overall mood / 감성  when it comes to music is just that it’s soft and sensitive — hence why his first piece is into the new world. you’d never expect it to come from someone like him, but it’s really just the soft gentleness that’s part of his core hence why it’s one of the melodies closest to him as an individual. aside from that, he works on a lot of darker equinox tracks because that’s what his vibe is lately, and it’s that house clubby r&b funk that works with him, and gold star likes that enough to keep asking him for it. he’s worked more in-house than out-house, and not really looking to branch out into any territory. he just wants to make music for him : )

modeling / fashion wise — chanel picks him, and he picks chanel. a matchmade in heaven when he sports their bags and their tweed jackets like no other. it’s enough that chanel inspires him to create his own line otakgyu which he’s heavily involved with. that’s his focus for now, creating new pieces to appeal to his own fashion sense. he wants to create more pieces that are “edgier’ but also fall more into the androgyny of fashion. 

lastly, variety. he doesn’t even know how he ended up in this — yet, each time he appears on variety, more fans fall in love. i like to think of it like song mino and how stupid he comes across on variety which basically shatters his stage image of being more ‘hardcore’. aka, the public likes how goofy and silly gyujeong gets (unplanned and completely candid) on variety. it’s why he shows up and why gold star signs him up. gyujeong, on the otherhand, finds it more of a nuisance and an invasion of privacy as that’s one side he’d not want to reveal. 

[imagines4undertale]

Hello, yes, uhm—- I just wanted to ask how the US boys (plus Red!) would react to their S/O having a habit of giving them a flower every so often and then telling them the meaning. (I’m a sucker for flower language and suppose S/O is too.) Like a blue hyacinth if they’ve had an argument (which means regret), or a black-eyed susan when they’ve had a bad day (which symbolizes encouragement). Or perhaps just a rose, which means deep love. Thank you and I hope this makes sense! 😅

Makes perfect sense sweetie! One floral imagine coming right up! 🌷

US!Sans(Blue)-

Blue is going to be the most receptive of this kind of gesture and probably return the favor. He’ll try to keep the flowers that you give him alive for as long as possible and treat them like they are priceless until they are fully wilted. Sometimes you’ll catch him just staring at them with a happy smile on his face. He even does his own research on the flowers so when you hand him a rose he immediately turns bright blue in the face before you even tell him what it means. He loves each one and will even suggest making a flower garden in his backyard with all of your favorites in it along with some ingredients for tacos. 

One day, you and Blue were out on a date at a national park with a picnic in tow. Blue had planned the whole thing from food to location and said that it was a day for you to celebrate your 3 year anniversary of your first date. He seemed to be practically vibrating with excitement, which tipped you off that he might be planning something more. You had already set out the contents of the basket Blue had brought and were getting ready to start eating when he told you to close your eyes for a moment. When he tells you to open them, in his hands in front of you is a tissue paper lined box with an intricately woven flower crown of pale pink primrose (I can’t live without you, love, passion), white arbutus blossoms (undying love and devotion), white forget-me-nots (true love, fidelity), and large white and red variegated camellias (you’re a flame in my heart, you’re adorable) inside. Blue carefully removes it from the box and places it atop your head before leaning forward and placing a kiss on your cheek.

“MY CUTE, SWEET, WONDERFUL HUMAN, I HOPE YOU LIKE YOUR SPECIAL SURPRISE! THE MAGNIFICENT SANS HAS BEEN PLANNING THIS FOR WEEKS AND PRACTICING HIS WEAVING EVEN LONGER. I HOPE THIS LITTLE GIFT CAN TELL YOU SOME SMALL PORTION OF THE LOVE I HAVE FOR YOU!” He states with a beaming smile before attacking your face with small peppering kisses. “NOW LET US ENJOY OUR DAY TOGETHER MY PERFECT LITTLE HUMAN.”

US!Papyrus(Stretch)- 

Stretch is a little more laid back about the whole thing. He still loves the sentiment and will take care of the flowers until they wilt, but he won’t put as much into it as Blue does. He will, however, dive head first into any knowledge he can find about flower language. It isn’t something that he does consciously, he just tends to get fixated on things he finds interesting and with you being obsessed with it he can’t help but be interested. Eventually, he might know more than even you, but he’ll never tell you that. Stretch likes having you tell him the meaning and how they are meant to make him smile even if he already knows that, the season they grow in, and what flowers they are related to just by sight. He won’t really reciprocate on a regular basis (it’s a lot of work to find all the right flowers and get them arranged alright?) but he finds other ways to show you he loves you and the sentiment of the flowers. A lot of which is through puns.

The two of you are laying down on the couch in front of the TV with some random show thrown on. It was a Sunday with nothing else really going on. You have your head on Stretch’s chest with the rest of your body draped over his legs and some strategic pillows to save you some of his pointier parts. It was cozy, warm, and when you listened hard enough you could hear the thrum of Stretch’s soul. His chest rose and fell as he pet your hair and hummed a tone of contentment. 

“hmmmm, honey i’m having a ‘lilly’ (it’s heaven to be with you) good day with you. we should do this more often.” He lazily mumbles into your hair.

“Heh, if we had it your way we would just lay here forever never go anywhere.” you huff a laugh into his hoodie. 

“yeeeaaah, so? i just want some’bud’y to love on. i have these ‘tulips’ (perfect love) and i want to put them to good use.” Stretch chuckles, as he lifts your head to peck your lips.

“You don’t even have lips you doof.” You retort as you return the kiss to his cheek. Stretch gives a lazy gasp of offence, draping an arm over his eyes. 

“how dare you. that’s it. i’m ‘leaf’ing you once and ‘floral’. you’ve hurt me too deeply.” He drones out, trying to keep a straight face, but lightly jostling you with the few huffing laughs that manage to escape him. 

“Oh, shut up and ‘plant’ one on me.” You say as you use his hoodie to pull him roughly into a kiss. When you break, both giggling lightly still, you settle back into your comfortable position. From the corner of your eye you see Stretch with a wide, relaxed, smile.

UF!Sans(Red)-

Red will be the least outwardly expressive of his feelings toward the flowers and won't reciprocate at all. He still appreciates them, but you won't see them on display in a vase after you give them to him. It makes him feel weird to have such a meaningful gift given to him and just doesn’t know how to react a lot of the time. Red still thanks you for them and whenever you do it his face flushes a deep red as he accepts them. Internally, Red treasures each flower as if it were made of gold. They are some of his favorite things in the world, though he would never tell anyone that. His favorite would likely be the rose as it is physical proof of your love for him and sometimes he needs something like that. 

You had chosen to hang out at your boyfriend's house for the day. You had been hanging out in his room, laying on his bed, talking, and sharing funny things you found on your phones. Papyrus screamed up the stairs asking Red to bring his laundry down so he could start a load. Begrudgingly, Red dragged himself out from the bed and your arms and began to pull the laundry from the pile that had built from the bottom of his closet. Unfortunately, the clothes had tangled in with some of the objects on a low shelf in the closet and fell to the ground as Red pulled them out. 

Of these objects, the most interesting was a blank covered book that tumbled out and splayed open as it hit the floor. As it did, dozens of carefully pressed and preserved flowers scattered to the floor. Every flower you had ever given Red seemed to litter the floor, each with a small tag tied to it with a description written in fine, beautiful cursive. They seemed undamaged by their trip, but Red looked like he had just unleashed Pandora's box out of the book. His eyes were wide and missing their pricks of light while his face seemed to be fluorescent red and dripping in sweat. Quickly, but with delicate hands, Red placed all the flowers back into the book and then back into the closet.

"...you didn't see no'tin alright?" He says as he wipes his head and starts gathering  up his laundry again.

"N-nope, nothing." You say as you roll toward away from Red and hide your burning face in his pillows.

(Hope I did this one right! I had to do some research, but it was fun! Thank you for the ask, I love making people happy with these. Give me feedback if you can and more asks if you think of some everybody! Have a good day!)

[nyisles]

Magic In The Hamptons

~ part two, be kind ~ 

part one

Player: Mathew Barzal 

Words: around 3.3k 

Warnings: language?

Notes: wowowow, part one was so well received that I honestly just pray you folks enjoy. Anywho, she’s here and she’s unedited :-) 

Now it was just a game. How long does one wait to text someone back after they disappear for three weeks? You hadn’t thought much of it after week two. The first week you were a little down on yourself, spent a little too much time wondering what exactly was the problem? It was a constant topic of conversation amongst you, your girlfriends, your work friends, and Reese who all seemed to love to talk about your nonexistent love life. They also didn’t quite understand the magnitude of ‘professional hockey player’ who ghosted, it cut a little deeper than your regular ghosting. You felt like maybe the Islander wags’ advice wasn’t even worth it, you should’ve just gone home with him. Maybe he felt rejected, but you never outwardly said no? Right now you wished you had Grace’s number. An SOS text was what you really needed, and she seemed to really be clued in on Mat. This absolutely sucked, he decided after three weeks you were worth the text and it didn’t give your ego a boost at all. Something that Mat didn’t fail to do when you were together at the wedding. You were a big self love, forget about those who don’t want you kinda girl, but God you couldn’t help but want to text him immediately. Your heart sped up and the butterflies in your stomach kicked into overdrive after you saw the text. It wasn’t even a drunk text. It was a casual 3pm text message, which made it hit a little different.          “Maybe you could wait like...a week?” Reese said laying back on the couch in your studio apartment scrolling through his phone, not paying you any mind. He was great at getting you into this whole mess, taking you to a wedding you weren’t even invited to. Now he was here and unable to give you any sort of boy advice. At this point in your friendship you should’ve known, but you had no one else who understood the scenario. He was one of your best friends. His legs hanging over the armrest dangling along as you paced back and forth of the apartment, fuzzy socks sliding along the hardwood floor. “You know, I think this whole thing is dumb. Just answer the guy. He texted you for a reason.” The pout on your face said otherwise, you didn’t find this dumb at all. This was a serious matter. “I need more female friends. You are no help. Yesterday you called me a 6 with a personality!” You exclaimed, pushing his legs off the side of the couch making room for yourself to sit down. Throwing yourself onto the couch you feel into a slumped position. “I need someone well versed in hockey boy, you just aren’t cutting it.”        Within seconds Reese grabbed your phone off of the coffee table in front of you, unlocking your phone with great ease. It was moments like these where you regretted letting him know all of your passwords. The next moment happened in what felt like slow motion, but as soon as he picked up your phone you knew you were doomed. Reese was always like an older brother figure, someone who could embarrass you in less than a minute. Watching his fingers type away, you attempted to lunge for the phone but it was too late, you never thought he’d follow through with the action, but he did, locking the phone throwing it back at you on the couch. “Six’s with personalities deserve love too.. Or at least a hot hookup.”        (Y/N): three weeks and all you got is ‘hey’?        You shrieked reading over the text message Reese had sent to Mat in your honor. “Why would you do that? Are you stupid? Is your brain the size of a literal pea?” With that you saw the beginning and end of your short little fling. This was not part of the advice you got from Grace or any of the other girls. In no way would you ever text any male this, except for maybe Reese because he was an absolute moron. Best friend sabotage is what this would be considered. “Reese, I’m going to close my eyes and when I open them I want you to be out of this apartment, and you can only come back after you’ve bought me lots and lots of apology fries.” Eyes closed you heard footsteps, then your front door open, and close. All of it almost distracted you from the small ding that came from your phone with the screen lighting up to show one new text message. It’d hadn’t even been five minutes from ‘your’ original text. Your eyes sprung open, and that funny feeling in your stomach returned. Heart pounding, you picked the cell phone up off your lap letting out a deep sigh. Facial recognition unlocked it within seconds, but it wasn’t really fast enough. In your head you could only imagine the rude things Mat would say about how it was kind of him to even send you a text, or maybe the text would spring back at you because he decided to block your number.        Mat Barzal: haha, what r u up to?        Mat Barzal: down to chill?        You tried not to be instantaneous with your answer and play it a little bit cooler than his double text, which honestly brought a huge grin upon your face. Suddenly you felt as if your apartment was getting warmer, was it the flush brought upon by the texts or were you just getting more and more nervous? The idea of having to pick out a cute outfit and getting out of this old ratty hoodie seemed nearly impossible which added a special level of stress. Counting down from 60 very slowly you decided you would be able to answer his text, enough time had gone by to not seem overly interested. Internally rolling your eyes at yourself for thinking waiting a whole minute was some sort of accomplishment, slowly typing a reply.        (Y/N): sure, whats the move?        Mat Barzal: finishing up @ the rink, rly craving ice cream if ur cool with that?        (Y/N): lol cheat diet already? Sounds perf.        Mat Barzal: kk cool, drop me a pin. See u in an hour?        After sending Mat your location you liked his message letting him know that worked for you. You felt like you couldn’t really waste time trying to have a conversation through text when you needed to figure out how you were going to go about an ice cream date without flashbacks to any corny and horrible middle school date you had. Just be cool was all you could tell yourself before rummaging through your closet trying not to be the dramatic girl in movies that would say she had nothing to wear with piles and piles of clothes surrounding her. Settling on a pair of your favorite “ass flattering” jeans and a plain white t-shirt. It was only ice cream, you had to remind yourself. There was no reason to do anything more, but you still added a simple necklace and one of those fancy velvet headbands they sell for way too much money after spending a solid 10 minutes scrolling through Sydney Esiason-Martin’s instagram trying to figure out what looked cool.        It was almost scary how perfectly exact Mat’s timing was. Right after an hour on the dot you heard a buzz come through to your apartment, letting you know you had a visitor. “I’ll be right down.” you voiced over the intercom, grabbing your keys and bag. It was a five floor walk up to your apartment and you didn’t want to put this boy through any more torture after a practice. You tried not to keep him waiting too long, but you also went at a slower than normal pace giving yourself enough time to breathe. It was just a boy you’d already been out with. How could this be so bad, you tried to remind yourself. He was just a silly boy dancing around shirtless at a wedding. He stood in the entryway of the apartment building looking around at the paintings on the walls, they were cheap and not well done but it gave the appearance that maybe people with money lived here. He was in a blue and orange islanders hockey t-shirt and sweats, his hair was slicked back and damp, clearly from a post practice shower. Since the last time you saw him, he was clean shaven, no little stubble that had scratched your cheeks during sneaky kisses. His hair was also freshly cut, you liked it, but you also found the long hair to be endearing. To be honest you were just so nervous and excited that you couldn’t even tell which hair you liked better, and you didn’t have time to contemplate it as he called for you. “(Y/N).” Mat said catching your eye, he stepped closer to you, bringing you in for a warm hello hug. He smelt like mint mixed with the kind of bar soap you get at hotels, yet at the same time he smelled familiar and homey. “So I was on yelp and there’s this homemade ice cream spot in and I thought maybe we could go and hang for a little.” A smirk slid upon your face maybe a little too soon, “Yelp?” you joked with Mat. Rolling his eyes, he stuck out his hand for you. “Well are we going or not, (Y/N)?” disregarding your subtle dig. Placing your hand in his you followed his lead out of the apartment lobby. Have you ever been on a first date where someone wanted to hold your hand? Maybe at the end of the date, but this was the beginning. You just silently prayed your hand wouldn’t get sweaty in the meanwhile.        It was a short drive in Mat’s white cadillac, which you had learned was the butt of many jokes. He let you take the aux cord and play whatever you wanted, which was your current September 2019 playlist. Mat was bopping along to it which gave you little butterflies in your tummy. The way his short hair flopped around and the goofy grin on his face just made your heart melt. This was a boy who in such a quick period of time made you feel like you wanted to be near him 24/7. He had an infectious personality. At one point during the car ride you thought he was singing along to Lizzo, but you didn’t want to call him out. Mat was clearly in his element and so comfortable with you that it all just felt fun and exciting. At a red light, he looked over at you and just smiled. He said nothing, but just moved his hand over to yours. Someone needed to let you know how this boy was driving with one hand, while the other was holding onto your own as his thumb traced back and forth. “Alright, I have two rules for us. First being you need to send me this playlist, and any future playlist you make. Second, don’t let me get anything larger than a medium.” You scrunched up your facing almost saying ‘are you really sure about that’ without any words “And I’m now instituting a third rule… Don’t make that face, it reminds me of my mom.” He said letting out a giant cackle. The one you had originally heard at the wedding. It was so stupid, but you liked hearing it and knowing you were the reason for it. You couldn’t help but laugh along with him. - - -        “So I’m thinking two large sugar cones, one for you and one for me. I want cookies and cream, I’m not sure what you plan on having.” You said bumping your hip into Mat as you both stood overlooking the ice cream counter as the teenage girl behind it patiently waited for the official order. “I know you want it and ugh, look.” You said letting out a moan pointing at the barrel of mint chocolate chip. “It’s calling you.”        “Shut up, ice cream whisperer.” Mat chuckled bumping you right back, “We’ll get two large sugar cones. She’ll get cookies and cream, I’ll take...hm.. Buttered pecan.” The girl behind the counter just nodded and went to work as you turned to look at him letting out a small laugh. “Buttered pecan? Grandpa is that you?” you said turning up the banter with Mat. If there was something he seemed to appreciate, it was the way you were able to joke around with him. He was a hockey player for God’s sake, he loved to be chirped. “Oh for sure, I’m the hottest grandpa you’ve ever seen. Have you seen my ass in these pants?” Mat said taking his hands and lightly giving his tush a squeeze for dramatic effect, before being cut off by the now very embarrassed girl serving you ice cream. She mumbled the price and before you could even open your purse to grab your wallet Mat had already paid for it. “I’d say you’ll get it next time, but you’re a bad influence, I don’t know if there will be a next time for ice cream.” You just smiled taking a lick of ice cream, finding a table in the back corner trying to give you both a little bit of privacy so you both wouldn’t embarrass each other any longer. It was like those few weeks with no conversation between you two weren’t a thing, everything flowed naturally between you two. From conversations about your job, to what you’d rather be doing than working and him training, to what you both were currently binging on netflix. “The office is just so good. I end up crying because I’m laughing so hard just about every episode.” Mat said finishing off his ice cream. “I need to show you this episode, you have to come to my apartment.” And with that you were whisked away to the Barzal apartment. - -        It was surprisingly homey, it was all neutral toned except for bits of a royal blue that would peek out in a throw pillow or picture frame. You couldn’t help but wander the apartment (with Mat trailing), looking at the photos he had hung of his family and friends. “I like this one.” you said pointing to a picture of Mat as a kid, making some sort of silly face with who you presumed was his sister, she was practically his twin, but blonde. “You look the same, haven’t changed a bit. Still as goofy looking.” Mat’s face rolled his eyes once more, rubbing his cheeks with the palms of his hands, then reaching out for your arms holding your wrists gently as his eyes pleaded with you, “Why do you hate me?” he gently shook your arms playfully. A small giggle escaped your lips, “Has your mother ever told you when a girl makes fun of you she likes you?” you said quite boldly, taking a step closer to Mat with his hands still wrapped around your arms. He was so much taller than you, and you hadn’t really noticed until just now when you found yourself looking up at him. His eyes were this piercing green you couldn’t look away from, and you just stood for what felt like forever hoping he would get the hint and kiss you again. It only took him a second before leaning in to place a much gentler kiss than those you shared at the wedding and after party, probably because you were completely sober this time. The soft kisses turned into more passionate ones as he moved the both of you from you standing in the hallway of his apartment to lying on his couch in his living room, him gently on top of you careful not to weigh down his whole body’s weight on yours. Maybe you went on kissing him for ten minutes or hours, you couldn’t tell exactly the time. It was kind of mesmerizing, you were totally lost in this boy, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck that wasn’t as long as you had once noted. His hand slowly tracing up your side, slipping underneath your shirt. God it was only the second date, (Y/N), you tried to tell yourself, but you didn’t pull away, nor did you really try.        “Barz? Mat?” was all you heard bringing you two out of your dazed kisses. Pulling your lips away from him as the two of you sat up trying to look as innocent as possible. You didn’t think he had a roommate, but you weren’t quite sure. He really didn’t get that far, and you thought you knew all of his friends, or at least teammates you’d met at the wedding. It was an unfamiliar voice, but a shorter boy with lighter hair walked into the living room with a stupid grin on his face. It would’ve been cute if he hadn’t interrupted. Completely not even noticing you on the couch, he continued to speak, “You’ll never fucking guess who texted me today asking about you...” With that you saw Mat’s face tightened, the happy smiley Mat had disappeared within seconds and you needed to make a mental note of that. Almost as if Mat knew what the boy was going to say. “Tito…” He said distinctly to the boy now standing in front of you two on the couch, it’s like he had seen you with his peripherals but was far too excited to take note of the other human in the room. You couldn’t help, but look down at yourself trying to fix your t-shirt making sure you didn’t look silly… if the boy was to ever take note of the stranger inside Mat's apartment. “No Mat, for real, she said she wanted things to be different, she was thinking of surprising you here.”        “Tito” Mat now spoke a little bit louder and firmer than before. It was almost as if it brought his friend from the cloud of happiness that drifted on. Honestly you could tell this was a conversation you weren’t supposed to hear, and it made you a little sick. Another girl? Surprising Mat? Nothing about this sounded promising in the slightest. And it really only got worse for your feelings. “Whitney clearly fucking wants you back. You sat around all summer practically crying to me and now what…you fucking get her back!”        “Tito, this is my friend, (Y/N).” Mat said bringing this Tito character out of the clouds and back into Mat’s living room where the three of you were. Tito’s eyes just widened, face getting red. “I-uh, Hello.” He said softly unsure of what more to say.          “Mat, this was fun, but uh… I think I’m going to go now.” You said politely standing up, feeling your stomach take a turn. You didn’t even have a ride home. God, it didn’t even matter, you just wanted to leave. Clearly there was some other girl in the picture and it almost disgusted you to know that Mat could act this way with someone when he was clearly interested in some other girl. You reminded yourself once more, boys are disgusting and not to be trusted.        “(Y/N), let me give you a ride home.”        “No. I’m ok.” You said swiftly showing yourself to the door making sure not to look back at the two boys you had left in the apartment. You honestly weren’t sure how you had gotten to your apartment. It would’ve easily been a twenty minute walk, but you were in such a daze that you sat back on the couch somehow back in your own apartment, surrounded by apology fries from Reese as he tried to coax the story of your date. Maybe you should’ve just seen it coming, it was only the second date and it all felt very silly, you were crushing way too hard. You needed something like this to bring you down to earth.  As your thoughts were flying a mile a minute, a ding came from your phone. Your day ending just how it began, with a text from Mat.        Mat Barzal: hey.

[smalltowndetective]

Hello! Can I ask for #37 "Lie to me then" with M for the 50 Dialogue Prompts?

Hello anon! Sorry this took so long! I hope you like it! :)

Ao3 Link

Title: Never Felt This Before

Pairing: Mason and Mariana “Mari”

Words: 1.6k

Summary: Mari’s dealing with feelings that she never bargained for, and she’s fears she is reaching the boiling point. 

Mariana would never call herself a patient person.

               Not in a million years.

               And as much as she trying to be, she was not sure how long she could wait for Mason to figure it all out, even she still had doubts on her feelings. It was like she needed confirmation that she was not the only one feeling this confusion.

               The longer it went on, the more anxious she became that he was just trying to avoid telling her that it would never mean nothing more, and she was certain that she could not take much more of this.

               Just give me a damn answer. A yes or a no.

               The “I don’t know” is just making me nervous at this point.

               Either one would be fine.

               I just want to know which one.

               But a part of her always stopped her from wanting to bring this up to him directly, as if she was almost scared of him pushing away.

               And that would hurt more then not having an answer.

               She took another swing at the training dummy in the warehouse’s training room, and she watched it topple over to the ground, breathing heavy.

               Mariana always went here when she needed to clear her head, letting herself focus on something else besides the raging thoughts, and once it had calmed down, she would go back to acting like nothing had happened.

               It’s easier this way.

               Better be anxious then to end up heartbroken.

               Allowing herself to be vulnerable was not something that was about to happen if she was the only one that felt this way.

               Letting him in will just give him the power to destroy you.

               You know this.

               Then why do you want this so bad?

               Don’t you remember what happened last time?

               She could feel herself outwardly seethe at the thought of it all, and she felt her fingernails dig in her palms, and even though her palm protested, she hardly noticed.

               It’s not fair that Mason of all people is the one I want to break my ways down for.

               How the hell did it end up like this?

               This had never happened before, this want for a deeper connection, someone that she would belong to, and it just had to be Mason that she was asking for that connection with.

               You knew what you were getting into when you agreed to this.

               You both did.

               Mariana felt her collapse on the bench, running her hands through her damp hair, trying to get the thoughts out of her head.

               Her normal solution to just ignoring the problem until it went away was not working, but she had no idea what to do with it all.

               She almost got the sudden desire to talk to Nate about it, though she was not what good that would do.

               What would you even say?

               I can barely figure out what I’m feeling, much less find out a way to articulate it in a way that would make any sense.

               Mariana put her head in her hands, fighting against the urge to scream in frustration, and she barely noticed when the training door room opened.

               “Hey”

               She looked up at Mason, who came up to stand next to her.

               Please don’t. Not now. I’m currently a wreck, and when that happens, I’ll say something I know I’ll regret.

               “Hey yourself”, she replied, giving him the absolute best masking smile that she could muster.

               He raised an eyebrow, and she internally groaned, knowing nothing went unnoticed by him, regardless how nonchalant he could be about it.

               “You’ve been in here all morning”, he stated.

               “So?”

               “You look awful”, he muttered, and Mariana could feel herself roll her eyes.

               Yes, your honor, this is the man that I have these feelings for.

               The absolute charmer that he is.

               “Something’s been bothering you”, he suddenly said, and she felt her eyes widen. She was not sure why he was being so upfront with her.

               “Maybe there is”, she scoffed, not really feeling like she could say without completely spilling everything”

               I’m not going to push him away. Not just yet.

               Mason did not say anything, but he almost tenderly put his hand on her shoulder, and the meaning of it was obvious.

               I’ll be here if you ever want to talk about it.

               And for a man of few words, he could be remarkably comforting when he truly wanted to be.

               He then left, turning back to look at her with an almost worried look in her eyes, but she could have imagined that, before leaving completely.

               Mariana’s mind was in a frenzy, but she managed to bite it all down.

               But it did leave her with one realization.

               I really do need to talk about this is someone.

               She was not feeling up to talking to Mason about it, but she then was reminded about Nate.

               It’s the best shot that I got for now.

               Sighing, she went to her change of clothes, and worked on making herself slightly more presentable before leaving the training room.

               Mariana was not quite sure Nate was, but the library was never a bad place to start, and luckily for her already racing pulse as she thought about what she was going to say, she was correct.

               “Mari?”, he asked as she walked in, and she saw him knit his eyebrows, “Are you sure you’re alright?”

               She took a deep composure-inducing breath, “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

               His eyes soften, “Of course. You want any coffee?”

               “I’d like that”, she nodded, and she felt herself slump in one of the armchairs in the library. She never spent much time in here, favoring the social areas or the training room, but she could see why Nate liked it so much.

               It’s peaceful to say for certain.

               He handed her a mug before sitting across from her, and she took a sip, realizing she had never told him what she liked in her coffee, but he seemed to know anyway.

               “I never told you I liked black coffee”, she spoke up, almost an attempt to avoid talking about what she had come to talk about in the first place.

               Nate gave a light chuckle, “I’ve seen the way you avoid adding sugar in your coffee like it’s the plague”

               She laughed herself, letting the lightness of it all make her feel slightly better, “I suppose that’s true”

               “But what did you come in here for?”, he asked, a look of seriousness filling his face.

               Mariana went through about three different ways to start in her head, but she ended up blurting out anyway

               “It’s about Mason”

               “What about him?”, Nate said, but there seemed to be a look of realization on his face she did not understand.

               “I- don’t know how to explain it”, she began, “I’m not even sure how I feel myself. But I feel this pull to him that I’ve never felt with anyone before, but I know that he does not feel that same way”

               “And what makes you think he doesn’t?”

               “The same thing with me? Both of our own subversions to serious relationships? It’s unfair for me to think that it would ever be deeper than that. I knew what I was getting into”

               Mariana gave a shaky breath after finishing, and she tried to pry her eyes from Nate’s.

               “You know”, he started, “I think he’s feeling the same thing you do”

               “Please don’t say that just to try and make me feel better”, she almost breathlessly said.

               “Look, I’ve known him for years at this point. I’ve had to comfort some broken hearts several times”, he continued, “This is different”

               Lie to me then Nate.

               Don’t try to tell me truth that we can both see.

               Nate gave her a smile, “You know he hasn’t been with anyone, or tried to be since meeting you, right?”

               “No?”, she said, her shoulders almost feeling heavier at the admission of it.

               ‘Well, he has”, he replied, “And if that doesn’t tell you something, I don’t know what will”

               Mariana sighed at that, not knowing what else to say.

               “He’s just as confused by this as you are”, Nate smiled, “You’ve just realized what was going on first. Once he figures it out, he’s not going to have any trouble admitting it. He just needs to hit him first”

               She wanted to tell him about Mason’s “I don’t know” answer, but she decided to keep that to herself for now, but she would not deny she felt slightly better.

               And this goes back to patience

               Ugh, I really hate that.

               “Then for now, what do you think I should do?”, she asked.

               “For now?”, Nate said, “Just give it some time. You can mention it to him, but I don’t think you have to. It’ll all unfold eventually”

               Even with her doubts still persisting, she allowed herself to give him a smile.

               “Thanks Nate”

               “No problem,”, he smiled, a smile that seemed to light up his whole face.

               “You mind if I stay in here for a bit?”, she asked, wanting to stay in the place that was giving her such a good sense of calm.

               “Of course, not”, he replied, “Though I didn’t think this was quite was your scene”

               “It’s not”, Mariana admitted, “But I think I like it anyway”

               He gave a chuckle at that, and she got up to walk amongst the bookshelves, not knowing what exactly what she was looking for, but she let the serene feeling overwhelm her, a weight off on her chest that she did not even know she had lifting.

               It’s all going to turn out okay.