#+ they���re addicting

[ayyyyysexual]

shoutout to fucked up yuri. we love fucked up yuri. thank you life series gempearl

i just made so many of these i have a whole other post in my drafts

[starry-bi-sky]

mmmmm danny with sensory issues both in and out of his ghost forms, but on the opposite ends of the spectrum. Ghosts can't experience sensations the same way humans can when they're in the mortal realm. They're naturally intangible, and it takes energy to be physical. When they're physical, all touch feels the same barring the texture. They feel no heat, no chill. Sunlight passes through them, and so does wind and rain.

You know when your foot falls asleep/goes completely numb, and you go to touch it with your hand and it causes a strange jumble of sensations? You can feel the skin there, your palm is pressing against an object and there's resistance, pressure, but you can't feel the heat? It's kinda something like that. Like he's feeling everything through a set of gloves.

As a ghost, when it rains, he can feel the raindrops hitting him, and he can feel his hair getting wet, but he can't feel the chill of the water and he can't feel the wetness. His suit is soaked but there's no weight like there should be. During the winter snowflakes don't melt when they land on him, and he can't feel the chill of the snow when he gets buried under it.

Sunlight passes through him, a nice breeze ruffles his hair but there's no relief in the sensation. All pressure, no sensation. It's like a strange form of sensory deprivation. And of course, the internal things. It's even worse when he's intangible, when he's not putting energy into being physical. He doesn't feel real.

As human, things become too much. Especially when he's been a ghost for hours. He can feel the weight of his ribs pressing against his ribs, he becomes hyperaware of the expanding of his lungs when he breathes, the feeling of his heart pulsing in his chest.

He curls his fingers in and out slowly and becomes fascinated by the feeling of the joints moving. He turns and grabs Tucker's hand, and soaks in the warmth of his body heat -- he can't feel it as a ghost. He runs his fingers through his hair, and he can feel the individual strands.

There's a weight when he walks. A small drag when he bends his knee and lifts his leg and takes a step, and when he's been a ghost for too long he stumbles over himself, drags his feet along the floor and stomps when he doesn't mean to because he forgot to weigh his steps. Sometimes when it rains he goes out and sits on the front steps of the house just so he can come back in shivering and soaked through to the bone. Runs his fingers obsessively over the goosebumps up along his arms and legs because he can't get them as a ghost even if he's cold.

Because there are certain things, even when he's in the ghost zone, that are exclusive to the living. The little internal things you don't notice and take for granted. Things like breathing and goosebumps and exhaustion exclusive to running that makes your heart pound against your ribcage and your chest hurt with the need for air. Sore muscles from working out and sweating. Thirst and dry mouths, chapped lips and hands, blinking and dry eye, the feeling of the sun soaking into your skin on a nice summer's day.

As a ghost, Danny faces sensory issues in the form of not enough. When he can't feel the hair behind his ears or the weight in his limbs where there should be muscle, tissue, and bone. He can't feel the sun or the wind, everything is in a permeable state of 'just fine', and its maddening. He can breathe if he wants, but there's no point to it. He has no lungs, he can't feel them expand, and there's no relief behind it. He's going through the motions without any of the reward.

On those days, the idea of going ghost again makes him feel ill. Paranoid. He can't stand the thought. He needs to feel. He needs to feel the soft texture of the rug beneath his feet and the grooves in his knuckles, he needs to feel dirt crumble beneath his fingers and get stuck under his nails, he needs to feel the heat of his sister's hand and the feeling of body warmth passing from her to him. He lays on the carpet room and stretches out, and focuses on the feeling of his heart beating and the weight of his bones and muscles and tissue pinning him to the floor.

As a human, Danny faces sensory issues of too much. When all the things he's starving for suddenly make him sick. He feels trapped in his own skin. His ribs become a cage and breathing becomes a dumbbell that he can't put down. He can feel the hair along his arms and it rashes him. He's too cold, he's too hot. He feels like a ghost puppeteering its own corpse and he needs out.

On those days, Danny dips away when he can and goes ghost, and Sam and Tucker don't see him for the rest of the day. He's gone invisible, intangible, and he does nothing but exist.

Just, him experiencing sensory issues as both ghost and human, but in opposite directions from each other. And the idea that ghosts experience the mortal realm differently, and that there are certain things that are just exclusive sensations for the living that Danny doesn't realize until he's a halfa.

[lambmotifz]

the theme of purity/uncleanliness which is integral to sam’s character is very much female coding but spn fandom isn’t ready for this conversation

[puppppppppy]

my stardew farmer ^_^ he doesnt have a green thumb for shit so he keeps animals and does mining

some tidbits i came up with while playing hehe

reclusive and doesnt really go out of his way to talk or visit people unless its an errand. but he also doesnt try to befriend others to get something out of it, so he has a very easygoing approach to making friends. on good terms with linus and sebastian since he runs into them most often.

if he respects or takes a liking to someone, he'll greet them with miss/mister (name). if you get close to him he starts using first name basis. if he doesn't like you, he'll refer to you by your title without using your name. only a few people have caught on to this.

the farm he inherited, Milky Way Farm, was the site of a meteorite crash and sometimes you can find shards of meteor debris littered around the farm (i picked the hilltop farm bc of this lol)

lost his sweater and pants a long ass time ago and doesnt have the time to look for them, so hes been working in his sleep clothes ever since

isnt actually grandpa's real heir to the farm... ;)

[sutekinyce]

Old Addictions Die Hard, Chapter 39.

I finally finished all the parts I've been making in the comic for a while, womp womp!! Let's all cry because we love some angsty 🥲💔❤️‍🩹

Please do read Old Addictions Die Hard fic by @logjammer9000 I truly and highly recommend!! Literally y'all gonna bawl your eyes out lol! I'm so happy in making this and finished it by heart and soul.

Hope y'all like it! 🥹🫶

[1tbls]

swap au where kim has absolutely smothered himself in the accoutrements of cophood, till it's the only identity he remembers. because i think that's his extreme of losing himself, compartmentalizing himself away into work, not addiction and nostalgia like harry. what youth and better time does he have to cling to? it was always shit. it's his neat little role and place and power in the RCM he clings to as a greener pasture, the lesser evil.

harry precedes the story by flinging all his cop gear away from himself and begging to be someone different. kim precedes the story by cocooning himself in his uniform. what does he beg for? 🤔

[aceofshitposts]

anastasia based au that i was playing around with @yeisons a while ago. meant to get this posted sooner but uh my brain is Soup as usual lmao hope you all like it!!!

-

Jay should have known better. Should have known better than to trust Roy and Kori. Trust that he'd found his past and where he belonged. Of course he wasn't the missing Jason Wayne, any resemblance was simply coincidence that Roy and Kori had aimed to exploit for money.

The ballroom is too big, his clothes too tight. He isn't meant to be here at this party, in this manor, attempting to fit into this life. He pushes past the throngs of dancing couple roughly in his sudden bid to escape, mumbling halfhearted apologies as he goes.

He hears Kori call out to him but it doesn't matter. She was part of this too. He needs out.

Now.

His footsteps echo down the empty halls as he walks. No particular destination in mind as he goes, mind too busy trying to formulate another plan.

What, exactly, is he going to do now?

Stupidly, he had pinned all his hopes on this. That when Roy and Kori told him he was surely, definitely, Jason Wayne and that they wanted to help reunite him with his family they were telling the truth. That he was someone who was loved and not just abandoned at the orphanage, unwanted.

The halls are quiet and still here, contrasting sharply with the loud and lively atmosphere of the ballroom. He stops, looking around the long corridor and realizes he has no idea how long he's been walking for or where in the mansion he's ended up.

There's a line of doors spaced neatly apart, all closed with shadows from the outside windows cast against them. It's... familiar, somehow.

Something brushes past in his mind's eye, the echo of a kid running through a brightly lit hall. He turns to follow it, a fleeting feeling of warmth that leads to one of the closed doors.

It's no different from any other door he's seen and yet.

He reaches out to the handle, hypnotized by the foreign feeling.

"Can I help you?"

Jay startles, jumping back a good foot from the door.

There's a man standing just off to his right, bright blue eyes and glossy black hair tied back in a low ponytail.

"Sorry, I just-- I was looking for somewhere quiet," Jay says quickly, taking another step back from the door. Why on Earth was he thinking of opening the door, this man probably thinks he was planning on robbing the place while the Lord of the manor was preoccupied.

"I understand," the man says with a smile, a flash of teeth that tells him that he was right.

"No, I swear, I. Ugh, this looks really bad, doesn't it?" Jay shoves a hand through his hair in despair, fingers roughly combing through the fancy gel Kori had used to slick back and tame his hair.

"Well, it certainly doesn't look good," the man agrees, rocking back on his heels. He gives Jay a calculating look, eyes narrowing briefly before smiling and sticking out his hand. "I'm Tim and we can forget this if you come back to the ballroom with me."

Jay blinks, there's that feeling in his head again. A brief warmth, a blue eyed child looking at Jay and smiling, music drifting around him like a ghost. He takes Tim by the hand.

"I'm Jay."

[scriv3lloirl]

This came t' me in a brilliant vision.

Feat. Singletsona Sorin.

[3cosmicfrogs]

look who i spotted at the pride parade!

[tam--lin]

a Sherlock Holmes adaptation where Sherlock has decided he must be Fed and Rested for his marvelous brain to work well, and so he obsessively optimizes his naps and food intake.

[chicago-geniza]

Basically what a very very very high dose of extended release anticonvulsants combined with a very low dose of immediate release stimulants does is enable me to act opposite my enviably strong will. It's not that I lack willpower; rather, it's the reverse, and I need an unstoppable external force to meet the immovable object that is my endogenous will's "I Don't Want To." Literally store-bought is fine

[therealkaidertrash21]

The circus arrives without warning...

[shallowseeker]

i do think it's interesting that the core of dean's frustration with his mother in season 12 is when she's dishonest with him or sam. like whether or not it's justified, his strongest emotional reaction during mary's deprogramming is when she says "i'll never let anything bad happen to you" to his younger self, while she KNOWS that azazel is coming ("you lied to me. i was a kid"). i just think about his reaction to her words of reassurance a lot.

Oooooohl Okay, I'm putting a pin in this because I can't remember the exact wording. But there was a vintage conversation with Dean and Sam asking if it would have been better if John had lied to them sometimes. Shielded them from the truth, the monsters, etc.

And now I'm thinking about how cool it'd be to compare Mary's soldierly all-encompassing protection and under-prep versus John's guerilla, boots-to-the-ground, neurotic over-prep AHHHhhhhhhh

Part of this is background. Mary is from a hunter-soldier family... the Campbells were overbearing, while John's hunter-prep was largely absent.

John's legacy was hidden from him, and his father wasn't around to show him how to trap the monsters... he wasn't given the chance to even try to protect his family (re: "You made a fool of me" and his behavior in The Song Remains the Same").

This was echoed nicely in SPNwin when Millie's specter taunted young John about how Samuel had trained Mary up, had believed in her, etc etc. (Ep 3 I think?)

Interestingly, John and Jack Kline are similar in that they don't want to be lied to and prefer no sugar-coating in tough situations. Jack's entrance into the world was terrifying enough, and Sam's ducking around the truth was damaging enough that Jack now prefers the ugly, horrible truth above all else.

Unorganized thoughts///

EDIT/// re: Mary. Mary's relationship to cause is so interesting in her BMoL run. On the one hand, she's doing the classic Winchester: I wound up nearly destroying the things I sought to protect.

But Mary HATES her fam being in danger. She's so allergic to losing her loved ones that she prefers being a long wolf hero and reaches for a "total solution to evil" and resorts to lying to keep them out of the fight. Which is exactly what we see SpnWIN Samuel is doing in SpnWIN. "I thought if I took care of all the evil i the world... you'd be safe."

BUT. That said, even later after some healing, Mary is very reluctant to leave Apocalypse-World... This is her "Purgatory" of endless, "easy," 24/7-360 fighting. It's "pure" war; a "poughkeepsie" in SPN. She'd rather serve a cause far from home, where the enemy is CLEARLY defined, her fighting has a utilitarian purpose, and above all... she has little to lose. If her family isn't with her, she doesn't have to actively lose them.

Mary's relationship to Apocalypse-World is a twin to Dean's neuroses that he struggles with in season 10 re: Purgatory. (In season 8, Dean wanted to get out—to get Cas out. But when Dean himself becomes suicidal, he thinks... maybe Purgatory was easier after all. He, in effect, devolves into early season 8 Cas, or late-season 8 Benny, a total giving-up. Dean wonders if he was better off staying there... in a world of limbo/allegorical non-participation of life.

Note: Thematically, it's family that tries to yank you out of these terrible situations. (I think Sam harps on this a lot; that family got him through some horrible times and addictions etc.) But we see it time and time again: Dean tries to get Cas out of Purgatory. He then gets Sam out of Purgatory. Sam tries to get Mary out of Apocalypse-World when Dean is too mentally ill to try. Then Sam and Dean and Jack and Cas GET Mary out of Apocalypse-World. EDIT the 2nd:///

Basically... These are worlds devoid of personal goals or love. They're are punishing, hopeless, anemic, anorexic. It's as Ketch says to AU Charlie in Exodus:

via @spnscripthunt-inactive

It is another kind of running from life. And I think... the lying is tied up with this. It's for another day, but YES Dean gets upset about lying. But also... Dean lies to Sam to save him (Gadreel), and Dean lies by omission at first about the Mark of Cain about his plan to defeat the evil once and for all. (Which runs in parallel with Mary and SPNwin Samuel).

I feel like Dean's arc with Mary terminates in a speech that says, "I love you and a hate you... but I get it because I've made deals to save the ones I love."

Dean gets it.

He gets the lying and the deals and the mistakes... because he's made them. This is why we need a season 16 argh!!!! We need one more to tie up the the Jack-Dean stuff as it relates to Mary and John aghhhhh I'm dying over here

[lambmotifz]

always thinking about how sam didn’t judge/reject dean when dean told him he tortured & killed souls in hell for the sheer pleasure and that he enjoyed it

[kibu-me]

"Sleep for all eternity, my foolish beloved".

(aka merlin and the "lord" of the lake a3! version)

[faggotryandtransjesterism]

have you talked about herbert using the reagent recreationally. will you talk about herbert using the reagent recreationally. when will you talk about herbert using the reagent recreation