#+ also a right hand man is just an upgraded henchman so

[keeps-ache]

i'd like to know: is a trusty personal secretary a type of goon?

[fandom-necromancer]

I’ll watch over you 2

This was prompted by the wonderful @rufina72! Enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 (Warning: Graphic description of violence)

[Part1]

Being in the army wasn’t like the movies, Gavin had quickly learned. At the same time, it wasn’t as bad as it was depicted by some either. It was just another job for him, just another way to earn his money. He had had no idea what to do after school and simply wanted to move away from his family, so it was the next-best option.

It stopped being that as they prepared for war. So far, there were only rumours about new oil findings in Antarctica, but if it would end up being true, he had no doubts they would fail to come to an agreement the civilised way. That and the fact that he failed to get along with anyone made him decide to step down. Thankfully he quickly got a job with the police after a few years of additional training. He had liked the freedom of his new job far more than his last and was able to make it to Detective in no time. Additionally, he could help out the SWAT team occasionally as he had all the necessary qualifications.

He was immensely relieved to have left the army when the revolution started. He saw androids be killed on the streets and while he didn’t like the things by any means, that was a bit drastic even to him. Sure, they were just malfunctioning machines, but they didn’t hurt anyone in their protests. It took him a while afterwards to accept he had been wrong and that these malfunctions were a real personality blossoming.

He might have needed the help of one incredible clingy bot for that. RK900, upgraded model of Connor, the most annoying android on earth, had been assigned as his partner on his own volition and while Gavin had tried the hardest to make him reconsider his decision, he had been defeated in the end. The android was competent, a true help and they complemented each other perfectly. Nines was just the right amount of patient to keep Gavin grounded and sit through his tantrums, but strict enough to know when to step in and tell him the truth no matter how bluntly. They had each other’s back and soon didn’t want to go another day without the other.

Gavin knew Nines didn’t like it when he agreed to dangerous missions without second thought. Helping the SWAT team, working in surveillance and going undercover was just the little kick of adrenaline Gavin needed to keep it interesting. He liked the danger, even though he knew Nines would worry. He was addicted to it and couldn’t say no, as Fowler offered him another one: A red ice den that kidnapped androids from the streets for their thirium. Lately they had changed tactics turning to kidnapping an android’s human and pressing the android for more and more until they could get them back. It was never meant for the gang to kidnap him though. Gavin had successfully infiltrated the den as a fist for hire and delivered his information via a heavily encrypted channel to Nines’ terminal directly. Anything he didn’t want to send; he could tell him once he was back home. They were careful to never arrive or leave at the same time, but apparently whoever kept his eyes on Gavin did so for far longer than any of them had expected. One morning, when Gavin had driven to the abandoned college building, they used as a hideout, he was met by the whole gang waiting for him. From there on he only remembered being hit unconscious and dragged underground into a dingy lit room.

He never learned whether or not they had actually contacted anyone, but by the way they grinned at him as he laid there strapped to a hard chair and called him a dirty pig, he knew they knew everything. His cover had been blown. Well, no need to play the idiot henchman any longer then. If only he had Nines by his side telling him how that was a bad idea and holding him back from cursing at them and spitting in their faces. Maybe he wouldn’t have been beaten to a pulp then. At least the gang seemed comfortable using him as a punching back in the basement only. Gavin tried to stay positive. As long as he stayed alive, he just had to wait. Nines would find him. He would know the moment he didn’t come home that something was amiss.

The door opened and Gavin looked up, hoping to see the familiar figure of his most handsome android. But who grinned back at him was only one of the other punchers. To think he had once shared a beer with this asshole… ‘What? Missed me already?’, the idiot laughed, and Gavin let his head fall back down with a sigh. ‘Just so you wait, I won’t be stuck in here for long. You on the other hand…’ It should have been intimidating, but apparently it had the opposite effect: ‘Oh, should I be scared now? Who do you think will save you?’ He looked down at his hand. ‘Detective poodle? Officer TC? Or the “Tin-Can” with a little heart next to it?’ All colour vanished from Gavin’s face. That was his phone. That were the names he had saved for his colleagues. Shit. The man in front of him laughed and held it out for him to read. He had apparently continued to send information to the DPD and also texted Nines and Tina frequently with explanations why he couldn’t come home or to their bar evening. It even sounded like him. Oh, he was phcked… ‘No one is coming for you’, the asshole laughed, pocketing Gavin’s phone again and instead pulling up his sleeves. ‘Now, let’s have some fun, shall we?’

-

Gavin felt like shit. Shittier than ever in his life. He was hurting all over from being used as a punching bag and being cut open with knifes. On top of all of that he was hungry. These assholes really needed a hobby. As the door swung open, he didn’t even look up. ‘Hello Gavin.’ ‘Go phck yourself!’ ‘Nah, that wasn’t friendly at all. Let’s try again.’ ‘I hope you rot in hell’, he spat, not even looking at the man in front of him. ‘I don’t believe in all this heaven and hell stuff. I believe we need to use the time we got in this world. So Gavin, maybe you should use yours and give us what we need, hm?’ ‘What the hell could you possibly need from me?’, Gavin tried to laugh, but his chest flared up as he tried and cut it short. ‘Well, you see, the password on your connection was changed. Would be a shame if we wouldn’t be able to keep you as our plaything, wouldn’t it? The police can’t know what we are doing here and your phone allows us to feed them false information. Just give us the password, Gavin and we might not kill you off.’ ‘I don’t know the password.’ ‘Oh, Gavin, are you sure that’s your answer?’ ‘I don’t know the phcking password, alright?’ ‘Too bad. I didn’t want to do this, Gavin but you leave me no other choice.’

-

Gavin had spent most of his time after the beating spitting blood and feeling for one of his teeth that had loosened a bit. Was dental covered by the police? Why did he think about something like that now at all times? He closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing through the pain the slight motion caused. Oh, they had beaten him up real good, he couldn’t move a muscle without something hurting. His face had to look terrible. Maybe he should be thankful Nines couldn’t see him like that.

The break he was granted wasn’t long enough to recover. The door opened and the same asshole came in, asking the same question: ‘What’s the password?’ ‘I don’t phcking know.’ He hated how tired he sounded. ‘Didn’t you learn a thing last time?’ ‘Listen, the whole idea behind this password is that I have to get it from them. For cases like this. God, I knew you were dumb, but I thought at least that had reached your-‘ He wasn’t allowed to end his sentence as the fist collided with his face. The loosened teeth fell out completely and instinctively, Gavin threw his head to the side to spit it out together with the blood. ‘Listen asshole, I-‘ Another fist collided with his jaw and let him see stars for a brief moment. ‘Give me the password!’ ‘I don’t phcking have it!’

-

They started using knifes next. Maybe they thought stepping up their game would convince Gavin. It did change something in the Detective: He began to be truly afraid. Until now, it had been temporary damage if you forgot the tooth. But using a knife would leave scars and the wounds could get infected. Blood loss was also something he had to account for. All of that had him fearing the next time the door would open and at the same time holding onto the hope Nines would come and save him. How long had it been since the last update from him? He had dropped in and out of consciousness a few times, but it felt like a day could have passed already. How long would it take for Nines to lose his patience?

The door opened and immediately Gavin started pleading: ‘Please. Don’t. I don’t know anything. I don’t know the password. I… Please, let me go.’ ‘I’ll let you go if you tell us what we want to know.’ ‘I don’t know that. Phck, I would have given you the password by now if I knew it!’ ‘I don’t believe you.’ ‘Than that’s your problem.’ Gavin just wanted it to end and it hadn’t even begun yet. ‘Err… No, no, it’s yours actually. Well then, let’s get on with it.’

-

There was commotion outside. Gavin didn’t care anymore. He just wanted to go home. Be held by Nines, those cool plastic hands soothing his bruised skin and patching him up again. Massaging his healing body that would ache all over without a doubt. God, he wanted to hear his voice again so badly. Gunshots made him flinch, but he failed to connect the dots. It was all just noise to him, shifting in and out of the next and making no sense.

Until the sounds died down and all was calm again. Gavin allowed himself to relax in his restraints and drifted off to a state of semi-sleep after the insurmountable efforts of tensing his muscles in anticipation of the worst. It didn’t help that the door was ripped open exactly then and there were hands all over him. They ripped at clothes and pressed something to his wounds that stung. He screamed and thrashed against them, managed to land a kick on someone, but otherwise was utterly helpless.

He could only scream and call out for help, plead it to end: ‘Go away! No, no, no, no! Not again, never again! Let me go!’ It didn’t help at all, as the hands stayed on him, wrapping him further in what felt like more restraints. No!

It was then that something entered his vision. In the dark room a red circle was weirdly in focus for him. He blinked a few times through swollen eyes and tears. He thought he heard someone. Someone important. They seemed to order someone around. Oh, Nines could order him around so good. Maybe if he believed it hard enough, he could manipulate himself into thinking Nines was there. Was keeping him company through this. He fixed the red ring and tried to imagine his face. ‘Nines?’, he asked, his own voice incredibly silent. ‘I’m here, Gavin. Everything is alright now.’ It didn’t speak well for his brain that it had worked, Gavin thought, but didn’t question it any further.

‘There… There were people…  Just a while ago!’ Gavin looked up at him letting all his feelings show. He needed help. He wanted someone else to take over so dearly. There were fingers in his hair, rubbing at his scalp like heaven on earth. That… he couldn’t imagine that, right? ‘They are here to help, Gavin. It is over.’ Hmm yes, Nines, it’s all over. We can go home, right? ‘They will patch you up so you can go home again.’ ‘It hurts’, Gavin admitted, now that it didn’t matter anymore. Nines needed to know whether he was real or not. ‘I’m scared.’ ‘I know’, Nines mumbled and then there were these heavenly hands on his head, lifting it up and cooling the burning flesh. ‘I’m here now. I’ll make sure they only help you get better. I would never let someone hurt you, Gavin. You know that, right?’ ‘Yes…’ Gavin was ready to believe everything as long as this voice didn’t stop talking to him. ‘It will hurt again, but they are just cleaning your wounds and stop the bleeding so you will be fine. I’ll be here. I won’t leave you. Is that okay?’ Gavin nodded, feeling like he was about to fall asleep. He could sleep now, right? Nines was right there next to him, holding him. Everything would be fine.

‘You will be fine, Gavin.’ Gavin’s full attention was on the face hovering over him, clearer now. He dared to believe this was real. ‘You will heal in no time. You did so before. You are strong and you always come back for me.’ There was the softness of careful lips on his hand and forehead. ‘You will be home soon. And then we will spend the whole day on the couch cuddling and watching movies with the cats, how’s that sound, hmm?’ Gavin smiled thinking about that. He wanted nothing more.

He only realised he was lifted up as his back connected with softer material. He immediately clawed for Nines. Where was that hand, where were these lips? Nines was here, right? Nines would stay with him! Where was he? ‘Gavin, please.’ Oh. There he was. ‘…go to the hospital… lost a lot of blood… look over… can’t go home just yet.’ No. No, Nines. Home. Please. ‘Will- Will you stay?’ ‘Of course… won’t leave your side… safe and sound.’

Gavin allowed himself to relax. Of course. Nines would stay with him. Always. There was more movement. He vaguely noticed the sound of an engine. More hands on him. The most important one a cool one on his hand, gradually getting warmer from his own body warmth. Then the hand was gone, and Nines’ voice accompanied him to sleep: ‘It’s all over now. You will be fine. I’ll be waiting for you when you come back out.’

-

Gavin didn’t wake up until light hit his eyes and he wanted to turn to his side in his sleep. Pain flaring up all over made him rise with a troubled groan. ‘Nines?’, he mumbled even before his eyes were opened. Where was this hand? This voice? He finally managed to look around. There was an empty chair next to his bed. Flowers on a table. Purple ones. He liked the colour. A lot of cards stood around them, but his eyes caught on a stuffed toy sitting on his bedside table. A small, orange cat. He smiled and reached for it, bracing the pain. It was incredible fluffy, and Gavin focussed just on that sensation for a while. He flinched as the door opened, being reminded of something else entirely. ‘Ah, shit, I missed it.’ Nines. Nines was there. Gavin looked up into that beautiful face and smiled, relaxing. ‘Thought you wanted coffee when you woke up. Doctors told me it would be a few hours. But as always, you are an impatient one.’ Nines sat down and handed Gavin the cup, who greedily took it.

‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there earlier’, the android said as Gavin put it down. ‘I should have known I had been tricked.’ ‘That’s the thing with being tricked, unfortunately’, Gavin commented. ‘You tend to fall for it.’ ‘Gavin, I should know you better.’ ‘Nines, don’t blame yourself. I should lock my work phone better.’ ‘Yeah, you should.’

‘When can I go back home?’, Gavin dared to ask finally. ‘In a few days. I took vacation time, so don’t worry. You won’t be alone.’ Gavin nodded. ‘Thank you, Nines.’ The android leaned forwards and pressed a gentle kiss to Gavin’s mouth. He pulled back before the man could deepen it and laughed at the pouting face. ‘Let your split lip heal first, then we’ll see, okay?’ ‘Okay…’ ‘It’s good to see you are better now. I was seriously worried, Gavin.’ The Detective nodded again. ‘Me too, Nines. Trust me. Never in my life have I experienced something like this, and I hope I’ll never again.’ The RK900 perked up suddenly. ‘Are you saying you’ll finally listen to me?’ Gavin smiled, cursing as it pulled at the small but painful wound.

‘Yes. No more undercover missions unless strictly necessary.’

[justasparkwritings]

Codename Cupid: Chapter 13

Previous: Codename The Mochi of it All 

Pairing: Lee Euna X Min Yoongi, Lee Euna X Kim Seokjin, Jeon Jungkook X OFC

Genre: Angst, Secret AgentAU, AgentAU, Government Agent AU

Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 2.2k 

Warnings: Swearing 

Summary: Lee Euna returns to identify a mystery man and put another name on the list. 

Justifying Jimin 

Present Day

          The light is a speckled mess as it attempts to stream through the stained-glass windows arched above the rattling glass below. The warping wood welcomes the reprieve from winter, early spring seeping in through the pollen in the air. I’ve been working with Lee Euna since around Christmas and she continues to pay far more than is necessary. I’m not complaining, upgraded computer, new camera, better security, I can now afford HBO Max and Hulu and Netflix at once. It’s wonderful, no scraping by. My savings account has even been growing, something I didn’t think would happen until I at least solved my first murder. Catching cheating spouses is lucrative, but not enough that I can afford rent in two places.

         The point being, bless Lee Euna and her money. I sleep just fine with it in my bank account. Though I’ve yet to determine if I’m sleeping fine because Jungkook’s holding me, pulling me into his orbit, securely protecting me from my deepest fears, or because I’m no longer stressed about making ends meet. Having him around… it’s stupid. It’s, I’m trying to work on valuing my feelings, all of them, and while I find romance stupid, it’s so comforting sleeping next to someone you care about. The way his lips slightly part, the soft curl of his breath, his hair cascading over his cheek, an arm always wrapped around me, or his hand holding mine.

         I don’t know what I thought it would be like, having someone consistently in my bed, looking out for me, caring when I let the cucumber turn to mush inside my refrigerator, asking if I’ve drunk all my water for a day or encouraging me to go to bed before 11PM. It’s an odd thing, falling in love with someone. I am, falling, I think, not that I’ve said as much. There’s a certain amount of pride, in keeping your growing feelings of adoration to yourself, of sorting them before sharing them, nurturing them in silence. I do hate how integral he’s become in my life… It hasn’t been long, but in the pit of my stomach, all I can feel is a growing blossom of hope, waiting to bloom.

         It’s an odd thing, knowing Jungkook is lying to me about something, and not being able to confront him about it. Sitting in my office, patiently waiting for Lee Euna, I’m staring at a list of facts I’ve written down.

         Taehyung and the mystery man know Jungkook, now I don’t know how they know him, or why, or if they’re old school friends or poker acquaintances. Jungkook doesn’t play poker, so maybe basketball buddies. Or lost friends from childhood, bonding over their heritage and shared experiences of hating their 4th grade teacher. The important fact is that they recognized him by name. The look they exchanged, the way their bodies shifted, it would be wild to have behaved that way and not know of Jungkook. There’s no possible way they could’ve been thinking of a different Jeon Jungkook.

         All these ‘facts’, lead me to a central question that I don’t know how I feel about, or what I’m going to do about, but it still remains: who is Jungkook?

         “Ms. Y/N, good afternoon,” Euna says walking through the door of my office. I glance at her and smile.

         “Good afternoon, can I get you anything to drink?”

         “Mm, do you still have that water I like?” She sits down, crossing her ankle behind the other and waits.

         “Yes, I do, Pellegrino, lemon or regular?” I offer.

         “Lemon please,” She responds, she only ever drinks lemon.

         “Here,” I hand her the bottle and watch as she patiently opens it, letting the few bubbles escape before placing her lips to the top. “I have good news, and bad news.”

         “Oh? Let’s start with the bad,” She’s curious, her brow lightly furrowing, concern in her eyes as they move across my desk looking for a sign of what’s to come.

         “I’ve found a few men who seems to know Taehyung. The problem, is that I don’t know who they are.” I tell her plainly.

         “Oh, that is a problem,” She sits back in her chair, brows creasing deeper.

         “I have photos and am trying to run it through the system,” I tell her, “But,          I don’t know if I’ll find anything. It was almost impossible to track down Seokjin, and I had to call in a favor just to get any intel.”

         “Can I see them?” Euna sets her drink down on the end table and leans forward. “Maybe it’s someone I know? That will make less work for you, right?”  

         “Well, that leads me to my next bit of news,” I inform her.

         “The good news?” She isn’t hopeful, I can tell from her tone. She should be hopeful, I mean, I’ve done a decent job in not a lot of time.

         “Yes, I found Seokjin and Taehyung,” I turn on the extra monitor and the photos appear for her to look at, hoping she can make sense of the mystery men. I prefer to use digital photos instead of the standard print, less chance of blackmail on the part of the perpetrator. It also provides additional income when someone comes back a year, or a few months later to get prints for their lawyers.

         In this moment, however, Euna isn’t nodding in contentment at my amazing photography skills, she’s in shock, mouth open, eyes wide.

         “Jimin,” She whispers.

         “Yeah! Is he the Jimin on your list?” I ask, confused.

         “He’s my brother’s fiancé,” She whispers, eyes scanning the photos of Taehyung and Jimin.

         “Is or was?” I push.

         “How do they know each other?” She asks instead.

         “I don’t know,” I tell her, lying in this business gets you nowhere, fast.

         Picking up another photo to compare, “How much will it cost to find out?”

         “I don’t know, it’ll take more time for sure, maybe another month or two. I’m still putting out feelers for Min Yoongi,” I inform her. “Then there’s the question of how all of them are connected, if they are. I have a slight lead on Jung Hoseok, he’s been out with Taehyung once or twice, and I guess, until today, not much on Park Jimin. There’s one other man that Taehyung goes to dinner with, but I don’t know who he is.”

         “Yoongi will be easy to find, though, right?” She asks me.

         “I would assume so, but I had to call in a favor to find Seokjin,” I reiterate.

         “Jimin was with Tae?”

         “What happened between your brother and Jimin?” I redirect.

         “He, they, fuck,” She swears, slamming her hand on her the table before turning her back to me and pacing the width of my office. “They were engaged and on the night of their engagement party, Jimin disappeared. No note, no call, nothing. Changed his cell number too. Wiped his social media. Jun-Seo couldn’t find him at his job, couldn’t locate him through his parents. Their friends didn’t know where he was.” Euna sits, taking a long swig from her Pellegrino. “It was as if he never really existed, Seo felt like he’d been in some dream that he’d magically woken up from to realize his life was a nightmare. He didn’t sleep for weeks, went on benders, became Dae’s henchman.”

         “Wasn’t he already?” I question.

         “Yes, but he was at his beck and call, for, what, six months or something? He’s started returning to his old self, but he’s never going to get over Jimin.” Euna takes another sip, hiccupping gently before screwing the cap back on.

         “Does Seo want revenge?” I ask.

         “Is it your job to know?” Euna snaps.

         “No, I guess not,” I shrug.

         “Jimin’s in town? For good?” She’s calculating, pupils contracting, irises moving from picture to picture.

         Tilting my head, I tell her, “I don’t know about that.”  

         She glances up at me, looking me dead on, “Will you find out?”

         “Sure, but it’ll cost. Your list keeps growing,” I pull out the handwritten list she’d made me for our first meeting.

         “Who’s on it again?”

         “Kim Seokjin, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung,” I recite, pretty names for prettier men.

         “And that other guy Taehyung hangs out with, I want him too,” Euna absentmindedly flings her hand in the general direction of her original list.

         “Okay,” I say, moving the note to jot a few words down on another piece of paper.

         “I’ll add an extra, what, two grand to your weekly? Can that move this along?” She’s refitting her sunglasses over her eyes, but I catch the glimmer of tears coating them.

         “Yes, it can. I’m going to have to work my –

         “Do whatever you have to,” Euna stands, grabbing her purse and pauses to look at the photos again. “When someone breaks your heart, destroys your world, well, wouldn’t you want revenge too?”

           Lee Euna leaves, a comment about her returning in two weeks for an update that I acknowledge with an “okay!” to hide how overwhelmed I am. The list is supposed to be getting shorter, not longer, and yet I’m sitting here, a few months in, with more people to find. Granted She just added more money to my fee, real money, tangible, squirrel away for when I’m back to hunting cheaters and abusers, money. But how am I going to find men who clearly and aggressively don’t want to be found? Not to mention the notes in my car, the connection to Jungkook and the very real chance that Euna’s revenge could very well be dangerous.

           I pick up my phone and dial the third number I have memorized, though Jungkook’s is slowly becoming #4.

           “You’ve ran out of favors, Y/N,” C says, tutting her teeth.

           “I’m not calling about a favor, I’m calling because I need advice.” I correct her.

           “What?” She’s curious, I can hear it in the lilt she uses for emphasis. Sisterhood allows you to notice those things, a life lived together means she can tell how frustrated I am.

           “It’s taking forever to run these pictures through the system. I’ve searched social media, I’ve combed local yearbooks and university graduation lists, and I cannot find these men. Either they’re –

           “Either they’re hiding and have scrubbed their existence from the web, or they are using fake names.” C answers, she hates when I call on her lunch break to talk shop, but she always answers.

           “How would I know?” I let out a frustrated growl that she chuckles at.

           “Isn’t that part of your job?” She snorts.

           “No, I know. I ran their names against Lee Enterprises rosters, and a few came back with different last names. Enterprises doesn’t post company photos so all I have to match them with are the names and photos Euna has given me. Which is minimally helpful. Seokjin wasn’t lying, his name was the same, but Taehyung’s isn’t Kim Taehyung at the library, but it’s him,” I explain.

           “Someone’s lying, either the men or Euna,” C deduces.

           “Could this be bigger than what Euna is asking for?” I ask the question that’s been stuck in my mind for days.

           “As in a larger group?”

           “Yes, as in a larger play in the works, a government agency, Interpol, Mafia, someone who’s out of my jurisdiction,” I clarify.

           “Lol, Interpol is the British Mafia. That’s funny. Truly, it could be, but how would you know?” She inquires.

           “We’ve had this conversation before,” I remind her.

           “True, but you process best when you speak through your problems,”

           “Also true.”

           “You’re on the right track, trust yourself, Y/N. Did you figure out if that Jimin was the same-

           “It is,” I interrupt.

         “What’s his deal?” C inquires.

         “Broke her brother’s heart,” I confirm.

           “Dae-Seong is gay?” She’s shocked, I roll my eyes.

           “Other brother,” I correct her.

           She hums. “Oh, he seems fluid? Is that the correct phrasing?”

           I snort, “Yeah, we’re all fluid technically,”

           “Mmm, speaking of-

           “Speaking of, if this was part of something larger, and you knew, would you tell me?” My voice is soft, C doesn’t know about the notes in my car, and she doesn’t need to.

           “If I could, if I had any information or anything, I would,” She promises.

           “Thank you. Love you, mean it,” I say.

           “Love you, mean it,” She answers.

           Finding Jimin was just a fluke, a one off, a bit of luck. He was with Taehyung in a genuine friendly engagement. They weren’t expecting me, I wasn’t expecting them. But the rest of these men? Jung Hoseok shows up here and there, nothing recent, no phone number or Facebook page with activity after 2015. Min Yoongi, well, Park Yoongi, shows up on the database, but when I look at the one photo of him, he is not the same man that Euna swears he is. The cherry on top of that is the last man to appear occasionally with Taehyung.

           Altogether, that’s six men. I’ve found three, which I guess should make me a glass half full kind of optimist. However, one was pure luck. The other was secrets from my sister and dumb luck, and the third? Child’s play. So, Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, and Mystery Man, who are you, and what have you done to Lee Euna?

Next: Codename Love Reimagined 

[silver-wield]

Final Fantasy 7R review

I finished the game this morning and I already have regrets that there’s nothing left for me to do besides replay and anxiously wait for news of the next installment. I want more. I want to not have finished it yet. I need to know what happens next, not just in the updated story, but with the game mechanics, too. I’m happy the team is taking their time to make the game as good as it deserves to be, but on the other hand I wanna throw a toddler tantrum demanding the rest of my game! 

Beware, spoilers.

The bad stuff

To be fair, not a lot from where I’m sitting. I’ve seen people bitch about textures and how the scrap yards don’t look dynamic enough and some stuff is flat, but seriously, why are yall looking at the walls? They’re the least interesting thing about the game and you’re just nitpicking. The graphics overall were amazing and I stopped multiple times just to rotate the camera and take in this massive city we actually get to really explore for the first time ever!

I have to admit a slight disappointment in the amount of space, verbally, that was happening. There were times where I expected characters to make comments and they said nothing. Things were overlooked or just not addressed and it wasn’t even anything plot related, just a point where there could have been dialogue and it didn’t happen. It wasn’t often, but those few times the air was left dead I noticed it. The most notable time was in chapter 17, right after Sephiroth appeared on the gangway. Now, I get them being too shocked to say anything when he’s right in front of them, but after, when they separate and fall into two groups? Nothing? No comment? Tifa, I definitely expected to say something in a shocked tone, but even after they found Cloud again, she didn’t mention it. It was like the moment didn’t happen. I know the other times nobody else but Cloud saw him, but this time they saw him, and he’s linked to Tifa’s past too, so she definitely should’ve had some kind of comment in that empty space.

That was the only major point, but other small ones were when people were talking and one character remains silent. The only one I expect to never speak if he doesn’t have to is Cloud. Because it’s Cloud. Everyone else should have something to say. Like when they climbed the stairs. If you took the stairs - I was all done in from so many fights and just wanted a break - then you got hilarious commentary from Barret, Cloud and Tifa. It showed how close they’ve become. Cloud made a joke! His second one of the game! If you missed the first, it’s likely because you obsessed over him going on about money all the time and saying that’s all he cares about when he’s with Tifa. So, yeah, after being shown how the group can talk to each other and banter I’m hoping Square adds more chatter to the next game. I know some people prefer less chatter, but this is a group of people who are supposed to be shown as friends, so conversation is important.

The other thing that got on my nerves was the mechanics of the weapons upgrade. Unless I missed a shortcut, having to go out of each one and then into the next one instead of just switching over to the next weapon’s skill tree. It took a long time to level things up and I wish there was an option in the auto to just unlock every skill one at a time, so they’d do it on auto without me having to go in there. And the ATB. That got on my nerves. I’m lazy af, so I’d like for action to just pause whenever someone’s atb fills so I can give them a command and then go back to the battle instead of having one eye on all the atbs. It’s probably more classic than Square wants to go with it, but having that as a battle option would be nice and a further throwback to the old style of gameplay.

The good

Everything from chapter 3 onwards. The intro chapters were good, too, but I really just wanted to dig into the game and that didn’t happen until chapter 3. The VAs killed it! Graphics were amazing! The weapon abilities were fun and added something different to the regular gameplay style of just grabbing the next strongest weapon. Side quests were enjoyable and I wish there was more of them, especially a save the citizens for after the plate fell. That really would've hammered home the tragedy.

The story

I’ve seen people - mostly OG fans - bashing the new elements. Sure, the whispers are a weird angle to come at it from, but the explanation for them, that they’re trying to maintain the OG storyline, made for an interesting twist on a 25 year old story. Sephiroth’s early appearance was just something that had to happen, along with a Jenova fight, because, come on, this section of the OG was like 3hrs worth of content and this is 40hrs, so ofc they had to include new things and it matches with the new storyline and I think people need to release their death grip on the OG storyline and enjoy this game for what it is. 

I found the ripple effect(?) interesting too. From what we learned, the OG happened in the future. If things hadn’t changed that’s the future everyone was heading towards. Ok, cool, pretty simple. 

This timeline had small changes. Biggs, Wedge and Jessie survived!? Or did Wedge finally get shoved off a building at the end, I really couldn’t tell if he bought it that time, but if he did I’m mad cause he was adorable. The plate falling didn’t have as big a casualty number as originally, either. And Hojo almost spilled the beans to Cloud early, but was cut off, and that’s the other thing Cloud ignored in dialogue afterwards, but it’s Cloud, so we’ll give him a security pass for that. The others ignoring his Ptsd induced freak outs isn't cool though and I expect Square to fix that level of callousness towards him from the others.

Those are the only two changes from the OG. Sephiroth showing up early instead of in Nibelheim doesn’t really matter. He’s his usual cryptic asshole self and his goal is unchanged. The team just knows he’s the big bad earlier now and have a solid goal instead of just randomly wandering after they leave Midgar. So, yeah, does Biggs, Wedge and Jessie living make a big difference overall? Will that ripple from them being alive make further changes?

We also saw that Zack survived because of our team, but the Zack in their timeline is still dead. I think we saw it this way because the planet is trying to find a way to prevent being hit with Meteor and ending up with geostigma, so the OG timeline, everything was still bad. Our timeline gives possibilities for a slightly better future and then the timeline behind it - the one with Zack - offers even better odds, not that we’ll see that. That’s the timeline I think Aerith will live through, so that way Square can say Aerith lives, just not in the game we play now.

Shipping

I’m not into wars, so if you love Aerith, cool good for you, I was focused on building affinity with Tifa and Square didn’t disappoint! There were so many romantic moments between them! And damn do they have chemistry! I squeed at such a high pitch the dog next door started howling! All the small touches, longing looks, affection, support, trust and OMGOSH IT WAS JUST THE BEST!!! They were so damn cute!!

I have no idea how the game changes if you focus on Aerith and to be honest I don’t want to. I think that’s what I love about the options for that. You can choose and no one can say your choice isn’t valid. 

One thing though, I would like an end to it because it’s 25 years of people arguing and it’s made the entire fandom toxic af and it’s actually the reason I avoid most of the final fantasy discourse because people can’t be civil to each other. Square should finally say once and for all that Cloud/ is canon and the other isn’t, instead of throwing a bone to them and being all “maybe if things were like this”, like no, pull on your big boy pants, Square, man tf up like Barret on a mission, and tell people who is the canon pairing in this damn game so people can just stfu and enjoy playing it without getting flamed.

This is why I want a FF8R because at least there’s no doubt who the couple is in that one.

Smol stuff

I’ve seen complaints about new characters being 1 dimensional, but they’re new characters in a game series that’s a trilogy, so they’re likely gonna appear again. Roche seemed added not just to give Cloud a boss to fight in the bike event, but also to show there’s other SOLDIERs beyond Cloud and Zack and the ones from Crisis Core, which not everyone has played.

Same goes for Leslie. I liked that dude and I’m interested to see him pop up again. His design wasn’t the typical bad guy henchman, easily disposed, thank you very much for playing. He has a story and I’m betting that’s not the last we see of him.

Again, same goes for Cloud’s infantry buddies. I’ve not played CC, but I get they’re from that, so will we see them again at some point? What about other CC characters?

Best Bits

Cloud in a dress. “Nailed it, thank you, moving on.”

Cloud dancing. Boy got moves and I wanna see him dance again!

Cloud/Tifa. Complimenting her like a smooth mutherfucker.

Cloud/Tifa Battle couple. They were my absolute favourite fighting combo and definitely kicked all the ass!

Cloud/Tifa. All the shipping bits, but especially jumping off the train and then trusting her to go kick Corneo’s ass. That’s how you show you know your girl

Wedge. Kitty momma

Biggs death. Damn you, Square, you got me all choked up.

Red. Specifically the bit where he highfived Barret with his tail lool

Barret. “Damn it, Red.”

Reno. Just Reno in general killed me. Love his conscience though and that he’s not a 1 trick pony.

Tifa/Aerith. Had more chemistry than Aerith/Cloud. Yeah, I said it. 

Barret and Marlene. Such a good daddy! His expression with her was like a whole different person!

Aerith bitchslapping a would-be rapist with a chair.

Cloud/Tifa/Aerith teamup to threaten Don Corneo’s balls - though I only include Aerith since she was there and she was about as threatening as a cupcake.

Conclusion

I want moar! I really hope the next one comes out soon! It’s not the same as OG, but has the best bits of OG along with something new to bring in a new generation of fans. The alt timeline angle feels fresh and open to possibilities and I’m excited to play this game for what it is, instead of comparing it and demanding for the OG like a crusty whisper lool

[snicketsleuth]

Whatever happened to Mrs Widdershins?

Fiona Widdershins' life was plagued with abandonment issues. Her birth father is unaccounted for, her mother died when she was very young, her only sibling disappeared and her stepather left her stranded on the Queequeg without so much as an explanation. It's no wonder that Fiona snapped when she finally got her brother back and decided to stay with him at all costs. It's the tragic tale of a broken childhood, and a broken family.

But the topic of Mrs Widdershins' untimely demise is interesting from a narrative point of view. Why did Daniel Handler decide to make Fiona and Fernald's mother such a big deal in the first place? Surely the tension between the Captain and Fernald was enough to explain the trauma inherent to the Widdershins family drama. Adding a mysteriously departed mom on top of it is kind of overkill.

The Netflix adaptation attempted to give us some resolution by turning Fernald into a lab assistant at Anwhistle Aquatics and giving the Captain the subplot of his wife's disappareance. That's all well and good, and satisfying from a narrative perspective, but the books have their own separate canon.

Surely there's a reason why this subplot was included in the books. Daniel Handler probably had a resolution in mind but decided not to include it (just like he never confirmed that Lemony was the taxi driver from "The Penultimate Peril", for example). So why did he think Mrs. Widdershins was important? What's the missing story behind her death? Her demise looms in the background of the Widdershins family dynamic like the missing piece of a very important puzzle. It seems inoccuous, but it's probably the key to understanding everything. So what really happened to her? And how would it help us rationalizing the actions of Fernald and his stepfather?

Although the following hypothesis will mostly focus on Mrs. Widdershins, we will also try to answer a number of burning questions regarding the Widdershins family, including but not limited to:

How did Fernald lose his hands?

Who killed Gregor Anwhistle?

Who burned down Anwhistle Aquatics?

Why did Fernald betray his stepfather and join Olaf's troupe?

More after the cut.

There are some interesting tidbits of chronology to be found in the Widdershins legacy, so let's try to organize events in the right order.

We don't know anything about Fernald's and Fiona's birth father. Apparently Handler chose to make the Captain their stepfather to better explain why the relationship between Fernald and the Captain turned sour so quickly. Indeed if you look at the chronology it turns out that the Captain is only older than Fernald by a few years. So basically the Captain became Fernald's stepfather when he had barely entered adulthood. Fernald probably never saw him as a proper authority figure, which would explain why his bossy attitude particularly annoyed him.

For more details on Fernald and the Captain's age, please refer to this article : (Link).

Although not traditional, the family was originally a happy one:

"I found something else," Violet said, handing her brother a crumpled square of paper. "Look." Klaus looked at what his sister had given him. It was a photograph, blurred and faded with four people, grouped together like a family. In the center of the photograph was a large man with a long mustache that was curved at the end like a pair of parentheses – Captain Widdershins, of course, although he looked much younger and a great deal happier than the children had ever seen him. He was laughing, and his arm was around someone the two Baudelaires recognized as the hook-handed man, although he was not hook-handed in the photograph – both of his hands were perfectly intact, one resting on the captain's shoulder, and the other pointing at whoever was taking the picture – and he was young enough to still be called a teenager, instead of a man. On the other side of the captain was a woman who was laughing as hard as the captain, and in her arms was a young infant with a tiny set of triangular glasses. [The Grim Grotto, Chapter Twelve]

This does beg the question: who took the photograph and towards whom is Fernald pointing? Who’s this assumed friend of the Widdershins family? More on that later.

Then the questionable death of Mrs Widdershins took place:

"Phil!" Violet cried. "What on earth are you doing here?" "He's the second of our crew of two!" the captain cried. "Aye! The original second in the crew of two was Fiona's mother, but she died in a manatee accident quite a few years ago." "I'm not so sure it was an accident," Fiona said. [The Grim Grotto, Chapter Two]

The Captain and Fernald seemed to get along well when Mrs. Widdershins was alive. Then the relationship changed.

"You?" said Olaf's henchman. "What happened to Widdershins?" "He disappeared from the submarine," Fiona replied. "We don't know where he is." "I don't care where he is," the hook-handed man sneered. "I couldn't care less about that mustached fool! He's the reason I joined Count Olaf in the first place! The captain was always shouting 'Aye! Aye! Aye!' and ordering me around! So I ran away and joined Olaf's acting troupe!" "But Count Olaf is a terrible villain!" Fiona cried. "He has no regard for other people. He dreams up treacherous schemes, and lures others into becoming his cohorts!" "Those are just the bad aspects of him," the hook-handed man said. "There are many good parts, as well. For instance, he has a wonderful laugh." [The Grim Grotto, Chapter Ten]

It’s jarring that Fernald cites the Captain’s behavior as the main reason he joined Count Olaf’s troupe. Why would he suddenly resent his stepfather when he used to actually like him? In fact, he seems to think so little of him that he considers Olaf an upgrade. What made Fernald change his mind about his stepfather so quickly? There could be three explanations for this: either the Captain’s behavior changed dramatically after his wife’s death, or Fernald learned something about the Captain which redefined the relationship entirely. The third option is that Mrs. Widdershins’ death was so traumatic an ordeal that it severed any affection between Fernald and the Captain.

As one can imagine, it’s easy to posit that these three hypotheses could combine themselves. There are things about Mrs. Widdershins’ death which Fiona does not know and which severely damaged the bond between a stepfather and his stepson. A huge disagreement occurred over her untimely end, and feelings were hurt. Now there’s one legitimate reason for Fernald to be upset at the Captain: he’s lying about the true circumstances of his wife’s death. Fiona was already questioning the official version while she was devoted to V.F.D. and her stepdad, so it’s safe to assume that Fernald does not believe this story either.

Although Fernald's eventual defection clearly has much to do with what happened at Anwhistle Aquatics, it's clear that the death of Mrs Widdershins is equally important in the matter. Is it possible that the two events are linked? In fact, it's likely. The composition of the Queequeg's crew of two is especially revealing:

"Aye! The original second in the crew of two was Fiona's mother, but she died in a manatee accident quite a few years ago." [...] "Then we had Jacques!" the captain continued. "Aye, and then what's-his-name, Jacques's brother, and then a dreadful woman who turned out to be a spy, and finally we have Phil! Although I like to call him Cookie! I don't know why!" [The Grim Grotto, Chapter Two]

Now there is someone apparently missing from this list: Fernald. After his mother died, it would seem likely that her son would replace her as the second-in-command in the crew of two. Fernald remembers the Captain bossing him around. It's possible that Fernald was indeed a member of the Crew of Two and that the Captain is omitting him out of shame, but that’s unlikely. You see, Fiona is in the room with the Captain while he is listing these people. If he had “forgotten” to name Fernald, she would have corrected him immediately. But no, the list appears to be correct in Fiona’s own assessment. For some reason, Fernald was NEVER considered a member of the Crew of Two, even though he was old enough and had the qualifications. The Captain immediately replaced Mrs. Widdershins with Jacques Snicket.

And that’s really telling, because we know Jacques was occupying this position at a time where Fernald was already part of Count Olaf’s troupe. Here’s a passage from a letter which Jacques sent Lemony from the Queequeg. At that point in time, Fernald was probably starring in Olaf’s play “One last warning to those who try to stand in my way”:

Under normal circumstances, new volunteers like ourselves would not receive disguise training until our years of apprenticeship were finished, but we have not been under normal circumstances for quite some time. For instance, currently I am under sixty feet of water, rather than under normal circumstances. [Lemony Snicket’s un-Authorized Autobiography, p.96]

The two actresses playing the Defenders of Liberty now have their faces painted a ghastly white color, and the part of the Little Snicket Lad, once played by the young actor pictured here, has been replaced by a sinister-looking person far too old for the part (also pictured here). [Lemony Snicket’s un-Authorized Autobiography, p.78] [NB: The picture in question depicts a young man in a fedora who looks eerily similar to the way Brett Helquist draws Fernald in the official illustrations of the original editions]

And that means something very significant: that Fernald left the Queequeg a short time after his mother’s death, to the point that he was never considered a second in the Crew of Two. As we know, Fiona is barely older than Violet even though she was born before Lemony’s and Beatrice’s break-up (that is, before Jacques became a secon-in-command in the Crew of Two).

So we've established, chronologically, that the fire at Anwhistle Aquatics and Mrs. Widdershins' demise are part of the same debacle. Is there a reason for a second in the Queequeg's Crew of Two to be involved in Gregor Anwhistle's research?

Potentially yes. Anwhistle Aquatics, for some reason, was built upon a subterranean grotto which could only be accessed by deep-sea divers. You'd need a submarine to get there. The grotto was arranged to conceal specimens of the Medusoid Mycellium securely: the spores can't travel by water, so making sure that only deep-sea divers can access it makes complete sense. Shortly after they visit the grotto, Violet and Klaus are able to safely contain the infestation in a submarine helmet. It's probably the only way safe for the fungus to be handled. Therefore, in order to make his experiments on the Medusoid Mycelium securely, Gregor Anwhistle would need constant access to a V.F.D. submarine and its crew, making long trips from the research center to the grotto.

This is why we need to understand what truly happened during the fire. The Queequeg's crew didn't just have access to Gregor Anwhistle's research center: they were heavily involved in it. They knew exactly what he was doing and the Widdershins family perhaps even had a hand in it.

So let's imagine that Mrs Widdershins wasn't just a submarine operator. She was a scholar. She was one of Gregor Anwhistle's assistants, and, more importantly, one of his accomplices. Gregor Anwhistle took the photograph of the Widdershins family.

"I think the ruby ring is very in," Esmé purred. "It would look wonderful with my flame-imitating dress." "That was my mother's," Fiona said quietly. "She would have wanted me to have it Esmé said quickly. "We were close friends at school." [The Grim Grotto, Chapter Thirteen]

And if you think that's doubtful, ask yourself this: why is Fiona a mycologist? And why does the Queequeg's library contains so much information on mushrooms in general and the Medusoid Mycellium in particular? This library is a legacy of Mrs Widdershin's works on the Medusoid Mycellium. She knew everything. And that is exactly why Kit Snicket targetted the Widdershins family when she reached a disagreement with Gregor Anwhistle. Kit definitely had Gregor Anwhistle murdered. The reason she specifically asked the Captain and Fernald to commit this crime is because they had easy access to Anwhistle Aquatics (through their submarine) and to Gregor (through Mrs Widdershins).

Violet smiled. "Precisely," she said. "A Hobson 's choice is something that's not a choice at all. It's an expression our mother used to use. She'd say, 'I'll give you a Hobson's choice, Violet – you can clean your room or I will stand in the doorway and sing your least favorite song over and over.' "  Fiona grinned. "What was your least favorite song?" she asked. " 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat,' " Violet said. "I hate the part about life being but a dream." "She'd offer me the Hobson's choice of doing the dishes or reading the poetry of Edgar Guest," Klaus said. "He's my absolute least favorite poet." "Bath or pink dress," Sunny said. "Did your mother always joke around like that?" Fiona asked. "Mine used to get awfully mad if I didn't clean my room." "Our mother would get mad, too," Klaus said. "Remember, Violet, when we left the window of the library open, and that night it rained?" [The Grim Grotto, Chapter Seven]

We may never know what truly happened at Anwhistle Aquatics that terrible night. We can only makes hypotheses. But here's our proposition.

Kit Snicket eventually realized Gregor wouldn't listen to reason. In order to stop his bioweapon project, she needed to come up with a way to burn down Anwhistle Aquatics and murder Gregor. That way, the research would be lost forever. Kit then reached out to the Captain, who had both access to the research center and a wife who was part of Gregor's inner circle. The Captain accepted the mission and even enlisted the help of his stepson. He told Fernald that his mother was under a corrupting influence and that she had been brainwashed by Gregor. She needed to be saved from herself.

In the final analysis – a phrase which here means "after much thought, and some debate with my colleagues" – Captain Widdershins was wrong about a great many things. He was wrong about his personal philosophy, because there are plenty of times when one should hesitate. He was wrong about his wife's death, because as Fiona suspected, Mrs. Widdershins did not die in a manatee accident. He was wrong to call Phil "Cookie" when it is more polite to call someone by their proper name, and he was wrong to abandon the Queequeg, no matter what he heard from the woman who came to fetch him. Captain Widdershins was wrong to trust his stepson for so many years, and wrong to participate in the destruction of Anwhistle Aquatics, and he was wrong to insist, as he did so many years ago, that a story in The Daily Punctilio was completely true, and to show this article to so many volunteers, including the Baudelaire parents, the Snicket siblings, and the woman I happened to love. But Captain Widdershins was right about one thing. He was right to say that there are secrets in this world too terrible for young people to know, for the simple reason that there are secrets in this world too terrible for anyone to know, whether they are as young as Sunny Baudelaire or as old as Gregor Anwhistle, secrets so terrible that they ought to be kept secret, which is probably how the secrets became secrets in the first place, and one of those secrets is the long, strange shape the Baudelaire orphans saw, first on the Queequeg's sonar, and then as they held the porthole in place and stared out into the waters of the sea. [The Grim Grotto, Chapter Thirteen]

The Captain betrayed his wife's confidence by sneaking into the research center to set a fire while Fernald murdered Gregor. Then they retreated to the safety of the Queequeg. However things didn't go as planned. Instead of fleeing the flames, Mrs Widdershins threw herself into them. She was desperately trying to save Gregor's research in order to duplicate it. In spite of her family's insistence, she never came back to the Queequeg. She died in the fire. Fernald and the Captain agreed to never tell Fiona what had transpired.

"Our stepfather knew Jacques Snicket," Fiona said. "He was a good man, but Count Olaf murdered him. Are you a murderer, too? Did you kill Gregor Anwhistle?" In grim silence, the hook-handed man held his hooks in front of the children. "The last time you saw me," he said to Fiona, "I had two hands, instead of hooks. Our stepfather probably didn't tell you what happened to me – he always said there were secrets in this world too terrible for young people to know. What a fool!" "Our stepfather isn't a fool," Fiona said. "He's a noble man. Aye!" "People aren't either wicked or noble," the hook-handed man said. "They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict." [The Grim Grotto, Chapter Ten]

This is why the relationship between the Captain  and Fernald never recovered. Fernald could never forgive the Captain for starting the fire which killed his mother. Although the Captain certainly never intended for Mrs Widdershins to die, his responsability in his wife's death was inevitable.

Interestingly this tragic death would explain A LOT about Fernald's decision to join Olaf's troupe. After all, one can understand why killing Gregor Anwhistle was necessary. It's morally ambiguous, for sure, but it's not a good enough reason to join a criminal gang. But if you add the trauma of losing a mother on top of this shady assassination, things start to make more sense. You see, Fernald and Olaf had a big thing in common: both lost parental figures in a shady assassination scheme orchestrated by members of V.F.D. The Baudelaire parents killed Olaf's parents at a opera house. Count Olaf used this connection, this proximity in background, to warp Fernald's feelings. He turned him against his stepfather and V.F.D. in general by sharing some aspects of his own backstory.

"Fiona!" the hook-handed man cried. "Is it really you?" "Aye," the mycologist said, taking off her triangular glasses to wipe away her tears. "I never thought I would see you again, Fernald. What happened to your hands?" "Never mind that," the hook-handed man said quickly. "Why are you here? Did you join Count Olaf, too?" [The Grim Grotto, Chapter Ten]

It would also explain why Fernald is reluctant to share some aspects of his past with Fiona (such as the way he lost his hands, for example) even though she knows about the Anwhistle fire. Although she's begun to scratch the surface, there are simply aspects of the murder which are worse than she thinks and which Fernald is not ready to divulge. Indeed Fiona could very much blame both Fernald and the Captain for her mother's death. Her stepbrother fears that. It's likely that the reason he lost his hands has as much to do with their mother than it has to do with Gregor. If we had to guess, we'd say he burned his hands trying to rescue his mother at Anwhistle Aquatics.

What makes this theory credible is the cover story which the Captain used to explain away his wife's disappearance. More specifically, it involves a manatee. And a manatee shows up in another dubious disappearance story :

"Have you lived your whole life on this island?" Klaus said. "Yes," Friday said. "My mother and father took an ocean cruise while she was pregnant, and ran into a terrible storm. My father was devoured by a manatee, and my mother was washed ashore when she was pregnant with me. You'll meet her soon. Now please hurry up and change." [The End, Chapter Three]

"Oh, Ish," he said, his eyes shining bright, "I told you many years ago that I would triumph over you someday, and at last that day has arrived. My associate with the weekday for a name told me that you were still hiding out on this island, and–" "Thursday," Mrs. Caliban said. Olaf frowned, and blinked at the freckled woman. "No," he said. "Monday. She was trying to blackmail an old man who was involved in a political scandal." [The End, Chapter Eleven]

However this story is later proven to be untrue: Miranda Caliban and her husband were on opposite side of the schism which divided the island. Thursday left with the Baudelaire parents, while Miranda remained on the Island with their daughter. She made up the entire story. It's a little too much of a coincidence that two different disappareance cover-up stories share the exact same weird detail about a manatee.

"Have you been here before?" Violet asked. "No," Kit said, "but I've heard about this place. My associates have told me stories of its mechanical wonders, its enormous library, and the gourmet meals the islanders prepare. Why, the day before I met you, Baudelaires, I shared Turkish coffee with an associate who was saying that he'd never had better Oysters Rockefeller than during his time on the island. You must be having a wonderful time here." "Janiceps," Sunny said, restating an earlier opinion. "I think this place has changed since your associate was here," said Klaus. "That's probably true," Kit said thoughtfully. "Thursday did say that the colony had suffered a schism, just as V.F.D. did." "Another schism?" Violet asked. "Countless schisms have divided the world over the years," Kit replied in the darkness. "Do you think the history of V.F.D. is the only story in the world? Bu: let's not talk of the past, Baudelaires. Tell me how you made your way to these shores." [The End, Chapter Eight]

"Occasionally someone leaves," Ishmael said, and looked down at the Incredibly Deadly Viper, who gave him a brief hiss. "Some time ago, two women sailed off with this very snake, and a few years later, a man named Thursday left with a few comrades." "So Thursday is alive," Klaus said, "just like Kit said." "Yes," Ishmael admitted, "but at my suggestion, Miranda told her daughter that he died in a storm, so she wouldn't worry about the schism that divided her parents." "Electra," Sunny said, which meant "A family shouldn't keep such terrible secrets," but Ishmael did not ask for a translation. "Except for those troublemakers," he said, "everyone has stayed here. And why shouldn't they? Most of the castaways are orphans, like me, and like you. [The End, Chapter Ten]

At this point, it seems more likely to be one of those memetic code phrases which V.F.D. likes to use. "Eaten by a manatee" is a slang term that adult volunteers use to hide something horrible from their children. So what does "eaten by a manatee" mean, exactly? Surely it doesn't mean "dead", as Thursday was clearly alive and well when Miranda started spouting those lies. "Eaten by a manatee" is not used to cover up deaths, it's used to cover up betrayals. Instead of telling young volunteers that someone went to the other side of the schism, parents tell them the person was "eaten by a manatee". It's the ultimate way to sever the parental bond. It's common to tell someone who betrayed you: "you're dead to me". V.F.D. takes the expression to its literal extreme.

So when the Captain affirms that his wife was eaten by a manatee, he means that she actually betrayed the organization. It's not obvious because she didn't go to Olaf's side of the schism (as Fernald did later) but rather to the other side of another schism: that is, she chose Gregor's side in his feud against Kit Snicket. There are indeed multiple schisms within the history of V.F.D. The schism between the "noble" and "villainous" side is the first one and the most important one, but the "noble" side suffered other disagreements: Ishmael vs the Baudelaire parents on the Island, Kit vs Gregor, Lemony vs his mentors in "All The Wrong Questions", Dashiell and Theodora vs Gifford and Ghede, etc.

And on that topic, the newspaper clipping which Violet Baudelaire found in the grotto is especially revealing:

" 'VERIFYING FERNALD'S DEFECTION,' " she said, reading the headline out loud, and then continued by reading the byline, a word which here means "name of the person who wrote the article." "By Jacques Snicket. It has now been confirmed that the fire that destroyed Anwhistle Aquatics, and took the life of famed ichnologist Gregor Anwhistle, was set by Fernald Widdershins, the son of the captain of the Queequeg submarine. The Widdershins family's participation in a recent schism has raised several questions regarding..." Violet looked up and met the glare of Olaf's henchman. "The rest of the article is blurry," she said, "but the truth is clear. You defected – you abandoned V.F.D. and joined up with Olaf!" [The Grim Grotto; Chapter Ten]

Violet missed the point of the article entirely. The text clearly mentions a “recent” schism; that is, not the original one which happened while Dewey and Kit were about four years old and which split the organization into two. The “recent” schism is clearly the one which divided the “noble” volunteers into Gregor’s followers and Gregor’s adversaries. And note that this is the “Widdershins family” who is involved in that particular schism; not just Fernald.

"You should have seen the fire," he said quietly. "From a distance, it looked like an enormous black plume of smoke, rising straight out of the water. It was like the entire sea was burning down." "You must have been proud of your handiwork," Fiona said bitterly. "Proud?" the hook-handed man said. "It was the worst day of my life. That plume of smoke was the saddest thing I ever saw." He speared the newspaper with his other hook and ripped the article into shreds. "The Punctilio got everything wrong," he said. "Captain Widdershins isn't my father. Widdershins isn't my last name. And there's much more to the fire than that. You should know that the Daily Punctilio doesn't tell the whole story, Baudelaires. Just as the poison of a deadly fungus can be the source of some wonderful medicines, someone like Jacques Snicket can do something villainous, and someone like Count Olaf can do something noble. Even your parents –" [The Grim Grotto; Chapter Ten]

As Fernald warns the Baudelaire orphans, the newspaper clipping is propaganda meant to disguise the volunteer’s more questionable behaviours. It purposedly fails to mention that the Captain helped start the destruction of Anwhistle Aquatics, for example. So the author clearly wants us to question the official narrative. And for some reason, as Fernald starts defending his own version of the events, he starts spewing unsavory revelations about the Baudelaire parents. Why would he do that? Is he projecting his own family issues on the Baudelaire legacy? That would be fitting. We already know that the Captain did morally questionable things for V.F.D. It’s not a big leap to assume that his wife committed some crimes of her own.

[split-n-splice]

"Her reputation going sour was no secret." – a line of interest from Ch1 of The Devil Wears a Suit and Tie. ;3 Just throwin’ that out there. Also! A definite nod to the cupcakery here, because headcanon: those recipes were taken from Drakken’s cookbook. Also headcanon: Drakken likes baking, fite me. This makes sense to me since Ron likes baking, and since Drakken’s shown interest in recipes.

Edited by @gogofordrakgo ♥ (ohlawd thnx for putting up w/ me)

[Chapter Guide]

7. Enabler – 4

As his first day alone in more than two weeks wore on, Dr. Drakken became increasingly aware he was off his game.

He haphazardly wrapped up the order of power staves and shipped them off to free up his schedule. Even left with a surplus of free time on his hands, left in the total privacy of his lab with no one to hover and no distracting upgrades to personalized combat gear to win himself brownie points, he made very little headway on his drones.

He managed to get one robot up and running, so to speak, but commands that seemed so simple like stand and walk just didn’t compute. Yet the buggy self-aware machine managed to rise on its own accord and point to the unassembled duplicates strewn about in a thousand different pieces on his worktable. Worst of all, the bare-bones robot began chanting, “sisters, sisters, sisters,” incessantly until something Drakken said or did caused its head to snap his direction. Preservation activated and an artificial fight or flight drive tripped, unfortunately geared toward fight. The skeletal droid abruptly announced him a threat to the sisters and lurched into action. Lucky for him, there was still a plug to pull.

He could have used some assistance in disabling the mutinous drone, but he managed on his own, as he always had. He shut down the project for the day to tend to a swollen lip received in the collision of steel knuckles and his face.

Back in his quarters, he couldn’t help casting glances to the phone, itching to dial – to dial someone. Anyone. He knew exactly who he wanted to ring up and give an earful to, but he clenched his fists and stamped a foot and grunted to himself as he stalked away from the landline. He had a headache and didn’t need to deal with her attitude now anyway.

Solitude was still disheartening. If he had expected a call from the runaway that evening to update him of her progress or lack thereof, or even to say goodnight or make small talk or anything at all, then he was sorely disappointed.

Drakken knew she wouldn’t have approved – in fact he was certain she would have been furious with him if she’d known – but he’d taken the liberty of sending out henchmen to gather intel on the superhuman. Granted, he’d lost those resourceful fellows, who’d only just returned from the assignment with their haul a day before getting the axe.

As Drakken lugged the overflowing box out of the storage room the next day, he reasoned with himself that he deserved to know who he’d been harboring, especially if he planned to continue to do so. He’d been just a little too wary to touch the box before, lest she pop up behind him to catch him red handed.

He deposited it on his coffee table and locked the door to his quarters for good measure, just in case the woman returned and came barging in at an especially undesirable time.

An abundance of manila folders stuffed with news articles topped the box, and if the men hadn’t already been fired, Drakken might have tipped whoever was responsible for courteously ordering the articles by date, even if he’d nearly scattered them as he unthinkingly tossed them aside while rummaging. VHS and cassette tapes at the bottom of the box made up the other half of the heft. Infiltrating a Global Justice base to steal her official records had been asking too much of the henchman, but an excess of media coverage to expose her would have to be good enough.

With the Bebe bots a bust and a woman who wasn’t even present distracting him still, Drakken settled in to squander his day reading what the sacked henchmen had scrounged up. He could spend an entire week reviewing her hero streak, reading the articles and watching the news reports or listening to interviews on tape, but he elected to skim through the past the four years worth of clippings, pulling out a folder from the bottom of the stack to begin.

A few nights ago, at three in the morning, he had been woken by the girl slamming his “front” door and stalking to his kitchen, the green embers glittering over her skin burning off perspiration and nearly setting her pajamas ablaze. She forwent a glass and drank straight from the faucet before hanging over his sink to hold her head under the stream of water, cursing about a comet. She’d looked just a little too unstable for him to hazard questioning her then, and had returned to his room to let her raid his kitchen for a midnight snack in peace.

So Dr. Drakken wasn’t altogether surprised when the earliest scant news coverage regarded a chip off a comet that had struck down in the suburbs of Go City. It had come so fast and so sudden that there had only been a couple blurry shots of the meteorite’s decent and recovery to accompany the articles. That it hadn’t left a bigger crater or caused fatalities was a mystery, but there was no mention of five quarantined adolescents caught up in the catastrophe either, so a cover-up wasn’t improbable.

Within the year, a trio of teenagers in uniform were garnering admiration of the general populace with their heroic feats. Front-page photos of a distantly familiar girl with her hair still short and boyish beside defeated villains bound up and posed with like trophies, frequently smiling smugly for the camera, should have been enough to make any villain in his right mind reconsider taking her in. Drakken wanted to believe he knew her better than that – that she wasn’t the vigilante she claimed she never wanted to be, and that there was no chance she might be on her way back to his lair with her teammates to hand his ass to him at any moment – but it wasn’t so easy.

Guiltily, he came realize that maybe she hadn’t been pulling his leg about her piloting capability after all when he found a clipping from last fall, featuring a photograph of a far more recognizable woman in uniform along with two young men like her in front of a jet as colorful as their suits, which had been generously donated to them by Global Justice. The Go Tower constructed in the bay a year earlier served as a monument and a base, and Dr. Drakken would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little envious that some superhuman youths had it all handed to them on a silver platter just for swearing an oath to use their gifts for good.

The set of gloves he’d fashioned paled in comparison to the extravagant gifts from Global Justice and Go City. Clearly, giving her things was no way to win her allegiance, because the girl’s hero career had been short-lived. She’d served little more than three years. If she’d only abided by their rules, she could have been living it up, yet she’d formally quit her team months ago.

As of this year, there was a marked change in the tone of the headers. There was less and less praise to be found, until there was next to none at all. If he’d been hoping to find reassurance she was genuinely a bad seed, he got it, though snooping made him feel worse with each article he skimmed over.

Nasty gossip sprung up like weeds. Disbelief and speculation aplenty could be found in clippings from newspapers and magazines as to why she’d abandoned her occupation as a beloved hero. The supply of libel following her resignation was endless. If he had to guess, serving under Global Justice had kept such publications suppressed before, but she’d lost that perk when she put her foot down on doing their bidding.

Blasting scandalous, one popular rumor circulated that she’d withdrawn because she was a typical case of irresponsible teen pregnancy, such negligence marking her unfit to be a role model any longer. That she was still occasionally seen in uniform despite her quitting should have proven she wasn’t expecting – but instead it inspired ridicule and controversy over endangerment and abortion. There was no wining on that front without a good lawyer, which he doubted the girl behind the mask could afford without Global Justice’s charity.

That lost traction when the former hero lashed out at a news reporter on live television. Written accounts played it off as if it had been unprovoked, but Dr. Drakken found a tape on the incident at the bottom of the box that proved otherwise. He was hesitant to hit play on the copy of the broadcast. The masked young woman trying to escape a bombardment of questions was hard to watch as she was confronted by the press with the matter of substance abuse, among other things, all because marijuana was said to be smelled on her clothes. Once detox was mentioned, the cornered superhuman – disheveled and fresh out of an unsanctioned battle – lost her cool and attacked the reporter outright. It was all caught on camera until she was swept away screaming profanities by her gorilla of a brother.

Less than a month later, paparazzi spotted her outside of her hero attire, a familiar ponytail and mismatched boots enough to give her away. It was bad enough she was recognized without her uniform and mask, but she was caught smoking with some punks on a school campus. The snapshot was fuzzy, and there was no way to distinguish what was probably only a cigarette from anything else, but nevertheless it brought an impending graduation into question.

It did not help when some wacked-out addict, an unreliable source if there ever was one, came forward claiming to have taught her the art of cooking meth. The junkie was later found battered and left on the steps of a rehab center. Her signature plasma burns left on the man sparked ever more gossip as to her changing demeanor and bad habits.

On the hero scene, Shego had been golden – but after quitting, the press wasted no time in tarnishing her reputation. Her worsening temper and foul mouth didn’t help the backlash. Her name had been drug through the mud over the past six months, with only a few gems of praise from faithful groupies to be found among the stack of slander.

Dr. Drakken wouldn’t be surprised if it was all true, even the conspiracy theories mixed in about her being from another planet.

"This is why I don't like the hero scene. Everyone knows everything," she’d told him the night he’d found her wandering down a highway in the dark. He hadn’t had much to lose that night when he went with a gut feeling and sprung the proposition on the downtrodden young woman, but whether or not it was the right decision remained to be seen.

Given the stress of the media hounding her every move, both on and off duty, and the family turmoil he’d witnessed from a distance, Dr. Drakken had to bottle his pity for how discontent the runaway must have been to actually jump in a car with an utter stranger and just go.

Before the guilt of prying could get to him too badly, he called it quits and stuffed everything back into the box, double-checking the VCR to be sure he didn’t forget anything she might find later. She’d made it explicitly clear she didn’t want him digging into her past. Even if the box contained publicly available media – for the most part – going through it left a bad taste in his mouth, as if he’d been reading her diary.

Despite the evidence he had that she was indeed a bad apple with a slim chance of returning to her old life, it still felt unwise to put everything on the line for an ex-hero that could easily thwart his plans from the inside. Drakken sat back and shut his eyes, straining to take her words to heart no matter how difficult it was to do so.

“Trust her,” he snorted. “Trust her to what? Bring her brothers to my doorstep?”

But then, he supposed she could have done that already. If she’d wanted to stop him before he could become a major threat, she could have cornered him back in Go City, when she had her team close by to back her up. And even once she was in the lair, she’d had ample time to call in the hounds, and plenty of opportunity to hack into his computers to uncover any master plans, yet she hadn’t busted him yet.

Drakken slumped with his head thrown back over the spine of the couch, stewing a short while on how trustworthy this new partner of his really was, before tuning in to Go City broadcasts to watch the news. She’d only been gone about thirty hours, but he still waited with the bleak expectation to hear some breaking news announcement of her return to the metropolis, anticipating it to be a reason to rejoice. None came, but it still served to worry him.

Leaving the television on, he gave it just a little longer as his stomach drew him toward his kitchen. He’d never had breakfast. He wasn’t even sure if he’d had dinner yesterday. The phone drew his eye though, and he forcibly looked away from it and to the fridge as he took inventory. It was getting a tad late to start on any lab projects, and he could still taste a sore reminder of yesterday’s mishap on his lip.

A check through his cookbook and he found himself gravitating back toward the phone once again. He grudgingly made a call, although it wasn’t the number his fingers itched to dial, and greeted his mother with a weary, “Hello,” and waited for the next half hour for the woman’s exuberance to die down enough to get a word in edgewise.

“That one?” chirped his mother. “Honey, are you feeling alright?”

Drakken blinked and sucked on his split lip. “Relatively speaking,” he slipped. He fished out his notebook and spread it open, eager to get the call over with. “Um. The market will be closing soon,” he lied. “So can I get that recipe?”

“Only if you call me later to tell me how they turn out,” the woman haggled haughtily.

“I’ve made devil’s food before, mother,” he sighed, drumming his pen on the pad. He noticed the pages of memos on the recent gloves and flipped to a fresh page with a small snort.

“Not with my recipe, you haven’t,” chided the woman, and proceeded to let him in on the family secrets in detail. Word for word, he copied down the recipe she knew by heart, running the instructions and ingredients by her once before thanking his mother and heading out the door.

By midnight, a sweet tooth had been satisfied, but sitting alone at the counter with a warm devil’s food muffin drizzled with chocolate ganache just brought his awareness to a weird sort of cavity he wasn’t unfamiliar with but had been successful in ignoring for years – until now, apparently.

He decided he’d have to tell his mother about the muffins tomorrow. It was late, and if he dared pick up the phone now, he might dial the wrong number accidentally on purpose.

The third day alone wasn’t any more productive than the last, but at least he didn’t spend it holed up in his quarters gorging on muffins. True, he’d slept through his alarm, but he gave himself the excuse that it was Sunday, and he’d spent the latter half of his night lying wide awake staring at his ceiling in a vain effort to get some shut eye.

He could tell himself all he wanted that fresh air would do him some good, but it was a lie. Testing out a back-burner product on new targets the henchmen had been tasked to whip up did little to improve his mood. The vaporizing rifle prototype did its job fine, obliterating the targets, though the sight was off and it really needed work to fix an issue of kickback that just about dislocated his shoulder.

Other than taking down a couple memos to be sure he did that, he didn’t make any progress to speak of on his projects. The random destruction of dummies and henchmen fearing they’d be the next targets did little to inspire him and get his head back in the game.

He knew exactly who to blame for it, too. Little ol’ her was a troublesome woman. Though he wasn’t sure if he was worried for her wellbeing – maybe a little, but maybe not – he was certainly stressed enough worrying about the potential consequences letting her go could have. The thorn in his side wasn’t even here and she had him more distracted and frazzled than ever.

Drakken shoved the elaborate rifle into the hands of the henchman on standby and ordered him to return the contraption to the closet, but the henchman didn’t march off immediately, and instead asked something as daringly out of line and ludicrous as, “Rough breakup?” Which sent Drakken reeling as if he’d been cut, and he vehemently ordered the goon to get a move on if he didn’t want to be booted along with the rest.

He ate another damn muffin for lunch, knowing damn well the sweet confection wouldn’t improve his bitter mood.

When the phone rang, he was all too quick to dive for it. Answering was a mistake, and he struggled with the balance of taking bites of savory chocolate and holding a conversation with his nosy mother. She accused him of being upset and went through a list of every likely reason why, and he denied every possibility. If the nagging didn’t alleviate the loneliness somewhat, he would have hung up.

“It’s a girl, isn’t it?” his mother finally guessed, and Drakken had to bite his tongue and hold the phone out lest she hear his weary groan. No matter how wildly far off the mark she was, it was an inevitable question she always fired off at some point – only this time, maybe for the first time in history, she was actually right. Sort of. But he sure wasn’t going to admit that.

“No, mother,” he droned. “It’s just been a rough week,” he assured her for the umpteenth time. It really hadn’t been. Slaving over unique gloves had actually been quite rewarding, the worst part of the week being the part where his car got hijacked and he was left worrying if the new recruit would be friend or foe when she came back, if she came back at all.

After the phone call, he eyed the plate of delectable muffins sitting out on the counter, and decided it best to stow the remaining half dozen of them in the refrigerator out of sight before he could make himself sick.

The next day, Drakken was drilling it into his own head that he didn’t miss having anyone to hover, breathe down his neck, or criticize him as he tinkered with the fine inner workings of a robot brain. If he could only get the droids up and running like half-operational human beings, the Bebes would theoretically fill the human need for company. And even if they didn’t, he still had three organic subordinates – the henchmen – to fall back on. He didn’t need a snarky girl leaning on him and giving him sass trying to get his goat.

His lip was curled at the very thought of someone breaching his personal bubble uninvited when suddenly his subject booted up. It took him a second of staring back at the robot before the Bebe blinked mechanically and he leapt back. What really scared the bejeebers out of him was the fact the android hadn’t even been plugged in to a power source. Before she could fully start up, he reached into the Bebe’s cranium to pull out the CPU to put her to sleep for a nice long while until he was ready to deal with self-aware robots sporting hyperactive preservation drives again. The other two dormant severed heads received the same treatment just to be on the safe side.

His heart was still thudding from the first surprise when he received another unwelcomed jolt.

The room flashed red and a bone-rattling siren buzzed to announce a threat. Either someone had sounded the alarm, something had been tripped, or something malfunctioned. Whatever the case, he was in too much of a foul mood to be pleased by the uncharacteristically swift response of two of his henchmen cutting through the lab with their staves ready.

False alarms were more common than not at this point. There must have been one at least once a month for the past year since establishing his Nevada lair.

Dr. Drakken cast aside his tools and replaced his goggles with his eyeglasses, ready to storm out after the goons to find out what the hullaballoo was all about. It was probably just another unfortunate raccoon stuck in the fence.

Before he could take three steps from his work station, a henchman’s voice crackling over the intercom made him jump once more. “Dr. Drakken, sir, you’re needed outside,” came the urgent summon, and Drakken heard a thunderous snarl booming before the intercom clicked off.

It certainly didn’t sound like snared wildlife.

The insistent siren alone induced a dreadfully unwanted adrenaline rush, urging him to hurry and shut the alarm off at the lab desk. Even without the blaring system that had left his ears ringing, he swore he could still feel a rumble under his feet, and cast a nervous glance upwards at the stalactites holding steady before he exited the lab.

He all but ran down to the garage. The second he opened the door and stomped out from the foyer, he heard the rumble of a jet engine dying down to a whine, and if he didn’t associate the sound with military, he might not be so concerned of the trouble that could be brewing.

The thought that he should have brought a weapon with him was fleeting.

Before he could make it outside to search the sky for the source of the rumble, his jaw dropped.

He wasn’t anticipating a jet to come rolling out of the dark and into the half-lit hangar, the wingspan barely making it through the broad garage door. The flashy new sky beast sported multicolored streaks and bolts, and as it came to a stop in the middle of the scrap-filled warehouse, it dawned on Drakken exactly where it had come from. He’d seen that jet before in a photograph just the other day.

As his men rushed in after the aircraft in the hot wake of the engines, their electrified rods raised in defense, Drakken stormed toward it, his livid glare locked on the single figure onboard.

The top popped and rose with a hiss to reveal the pilot, whose hands were held up in peace for a moment to give the henchmen pause before the intruder pulled off the helmet and mask. The aloof subordinate stood up in the cockpit, shook out her hair, and shot an outrageously smug smirk to Dr. Drakken.

++X++

Shego slid down from the body of the aircraft and didn’t have a chance to appreciate solid ground or even utter a greeting before Dr. Drakken reached her, and she could only stare in a surprised stupor as he raised a hand at her.

Next she was wide-eyed in shock and reaching up for the sting across her cheek. It hadn’t hurt, but it didn’t change the fact he’d slapped her. She was taken aback for a moment. “What was that?” she blurted, turning a sneer back to him. “You hit like a baby!” Honestly, her baby brothers had whopped her worse than that.

And what was that he’d said about the next man to lay a hand on her?

She could get him back later, she decided, because she was pleased to be back regardless of his indiscernible sputtering and tantrum. Though she couldn’t pretend to understand what had his panties in a twist. She’d kept her word, hadn’t she?

What she could do was chortle when the fuming man made a grab for her before he could calm down enough to think twice. It was hard to hold him at fault when he was a villain and had likely conditioned himself to act out, assuming he wasn’t already violent by nature, but she wouldn’t hesitate to teach him not to take out that temper on her if he pushed his luck any further.

Curious if he would however, she let him catch her roughly by the arm. But Drakken faltered once he had her – it was clear he hadn’t expected it to be that easy, or maybe some sense caught up to him – and his moment of surprise made it easy for her to pull her arm away.

Catching him off guard, she slipped behind his back. Her hands snuck up his suit jacket to find the back pockets of his trousers, making him jump. His yelp wasn’t particularly masculine.

“Yoink,” she chirped, making off with his wallet as the startled man swung around.

Shego impishly remained two steps ahead of Dr. Drakken in pursuit of her, purely for the sake of egging him on although he was clearly riled up enough. She stole a gander at his driver’s license as she shuffled backwards. “Andrew?” she snorted. He sputtered something with a note of embarrassment and lunged for it. She jumped back, plucked a twenty from the wallet, and finally surrendered it.

Drakken roughly snatched his wallet back from her outstretched hand, still practically shaking in his tantrum, a funny shade of purple creeping over his face. The indignant doctor barked her name furiously and lurched toward her again, but she leapt back out of reach for good measure.

“Missed me, missed me,” she sang childishly, skipping back and smiling wryly at the hotheaded man.

He wasn’t calming down, none too pleased to be played with. Before she could knock it off on her own accord, Dr. Drakken gnashed his teeth and finally exploded something coherent, “SEIZE HER!”

To which Shego cocked a brow, and before she knew it, she was being restrained and shoved to her knees by a pair of henchmen, her arms twisted and secured behind her back. She knew she could still get the better of them, but she chose not to fight it as she watched suspiciously, once again curious to see just what Dr. Drakken thought he was going to do. She was done playing now though. Did he really think she would accept being slapped and manhandled, just like that? With him glaring as harshly as he was, she had half a mind to spit plasma at him when he stalked up to her.

The mad scientist opened his mouth and raised a finger to lay into her verbally when she sighed heavily and relaxed against the henchmen’s clutches. “Okay,” she began. “So I lost your car, but I got the jet, didn’t I?”

Drakken’s purple-faced humiliation and anger ebbed as he threw a glance back, and his rigid shoulders slumped. She could see his temper cooling he studied the aircraft parked in his garage. She’d stayed true to her word, but it seemed like he was only just now registering that she had in fact brought him a jet.

“Where did you get it?” he quizzed suspiciously as he turned back to eyeball her. Just about anyone else would have received plasma to the face for eyeing her body, but Shego had the funny feeling he was looking less at her figure and more at her pristine new uniform she’d stolen from the Go Tower – although the nature of his stare made it only slightly less unnerving.

“Just something from home,” she said flippantly, fixing a wry smile on her face.

“You stole tech from Global Justice,” he uttered.

“Not really, I mean – it was a gift,” she grumbled, casting her eyes down. That didn’t change the fact that big brother monitored its usage.

Drakken must have realized that, because his eyes shot wide in dismay an instant before the anger from moments ago boiled back to the surface. “They can track it here!” he gasped in alarm as he whirled on the threat in his lair.

Shego, on the other hand, lacked the same fear. The fact she remained unbothered seemed to enough to distress him.

“Cool the engines, Dr. D,” she called nonchalantly before he could fret over how to get a beacon out of his lair. “I squashed a few bugs, snipped a few wires. Give me some credit. I’m not just another stupid thug here.” He looked back to her as she nodded back to the henchmen holding her to make a point, but it hardly calmed him.

She tried to add a smile and a cheery on top, “Oh, and – it can hover. It’s a hover jet. Far out, right?” She was really quite proud of herself, and couldn’t help beaming as she patiently waited to be commended. An order for her release would be nice, at least.

Dr. Drakken stepped back from her and ran a hand down his face. He held it over his mouth and stifled a whine, and Shego noticed he looked almost pained as he glanced back to the stolen mass of technology. “Release her,” he grunted to his men with a dismissive wave, and stalked away to go inspect the aircraft. As Shego crept up carefully behind him, she heard him muttering incredulously to himself, “I can use this. I can really use this.”

“So, uh,” she started, and he flashed a glower back at her over his shoulder. She smiled sheepishly. “Does this make up for taking off and losing your car?” She decided, maybe, he didn’t need to know yet that she’s driven it off a pier and sank it in the ocean in the heat of the moment whilst fleeing the police earlier. She hoped there hadn’t been anything important in it.

Dr. Drakken surveyed her, his brow creased and his expression that of indecision as he considered the loss of his car in return for the multi-million-dollar aircraft. He settled for giving Shego’s shoulder a ginger pat. “I think I’ll keep you,” he said finally.

[dcladies-secretsanta]

Titans

TO: @dccomicsbookshelf

FROM: Your Secret Santa 

Done Right Steph and Cass were surveying Gotham from their favorite perch in the city, all the bats had a favorite vantage point. Theirs happened to be the very top of a semi popular casino. Way up on the neon blue sign saying “Fortune!”. It wasn’t really known for its originality. It was a fairly quiet night in Gotham, they’d only had to stop five bank robberies and three were at the same place down the block. Cass was quietly enjoying ice cream and watching the sober people entering the casino as the distraught and less than sober people leaving.

“I think I’ve had my fill of inaction. I kinda want to beat someone up.” Steph said with a huff. Cass tilted her head.

“Yes.” She said with a decisive nod. Steph pulled out binoculars and scanned the skyline, that was when the lenses went dark. Steph pulled away and blinked in surprise at the hovering amazonian. Donna Troy was smirking at them.

“My sisters in arms, Starfire and I require your aid, will you join us?” She asked, Steph always forgot how ripped donna was. She was starring a little too long at her arms.

“Uh yes, Yes! Sorry, we’re in. RIght Cass?” Cass nodded tossing her cone which elicited a a faint cry of anger from below.

“What’s the crisis?” Asked Steph Donna extended her arms and each batgirl grabbed a hand as Donna flew northward.

“A most peculiar alliance has formed between unlikely allies. It would seem Riddler, Dr. Light, Captain Cold, and Mr. Zsasz have taken hostages in some heist. The purpose is yet unclear but it is dire nonetheless.” Donna said, Cass threw a sideways glance at Steph who hid a snicker.

“Why, do you need our help? I’m sure you and Starfire could easily handle them.” Hell one of them might have been able to take on all four of them.

“We require a more subtle unit in this battle, we know nothing of the layout of the building, nor what hostilities may lie in wait. Additionally Star and I are not particularly adept at avoiding notice.” Cass smirked.

“Yes.” Steph grinned. “Alright, so Cass and I sneak in, get the scoop, you bust in, we rescue the hostages and beat the bad guys. Sounds easy enough. Where’s Star?”

“Star awaits at the scene, making sure it does not escalate why I gathered reinforcements.”

The rest of the flight was mostly silent, and brief, Donna was pretty fast. They arrived at the Gotham science department, it was odd because none of the listed villains had a particular fixation with science. Star was watching the building from a rooftop across the street.

“Oh salutations friends! I’m so glad you have joined us!” Cass chuckled and waved. “Any developments Star?” Steph asked pulling out the binoculars to see into the building, She sighed as she couldn’t see anything.

“The police are doing their best but they are, as they say, at a standstill.” “Cass let’s enter through the roof access, Donna, Star, take these, this is how we’ll stay in contact.” Steph handed them earpieces. She and cass then slipped into the darkness and Donna soon lost track of them.

“Do you think our friends have the what it takes?” Star asked concerned.

“Without a shadow of a doubt Star.” Star hovered back and forth. “Be at ease, they are skilled warriors, you need not fret.” Star nodded and took a few deep breaths.

“Am I correct that there are six sidekicks to the Batman?” Donna smirked “Verily there are two more, the one called Oracle and the mighty Batwing.” Starfire shook her head.

“Nightwing had always said his family was quite complicated.” “There is even another, she is not counted among the children, a batwoman, and Batman has a lover called Catwoman. I’ve heard a few of them speak fondly of an Alfred and a hound called Ace. I think it is more complicated than even they are aware.” Star giggled.

“I would very much like to meet a ferocious Bathound!” They both laughed quietly at that. “What is next a Batcow?” Donna said between fits causing them both to erupt into laughter again. After a few moments the giggles and tears subsided.

“Are there more of you Donna?” Donna shrugged. “I suppose I have no room to jest for there is another Wonder Girl named Cassie, Diana has a Kangaroo named Jumpa, and I heard rumour of a brother. There’s also a fierce Amazon by the name of Artemis, she has been Wonder Woman once or twice.” Star nodded smiling.

“Is it nice to have such a group?” Donna nodded. “We are bound by the deepest sense of sisterhood, I know that even in times of peace my sister will always be there with me.” She said fondly staring up at the night sky lost in memory. “Surely a Princess of Tamaran has many warrior friends?” Donna said turning her attention to the fiery alien.

“Well I have a as you say, caretaker who was most kind. I have a sister but my sister is... most unpleasant. We used to be close, the last few times we’ve encountered one another it has ended in violence.” Star said closing her eyes to the hurtful memory.

“Not all sisters are from blood or comradery in arms, some are formed through friendship.” Donna said placing a hand on Starfire’s shoulder. Star smiled.

“Thank you Donna, your words are quite the comfort.” “Spoiler to Troia, Black Bat and I have located the hostages, it looks like there’s 9 scientists. Meanwhile the bad guys are rounding up the tech from one of the labs. It looks like they plan to destroy it. I can’t tell what it is from my vantage point but it looks like it deals with brain waves of some kind. I see a few headgears.”

“Well done Spoiler, what of bombs or traps?” “There’s none that we can make out but Riddler is a tricky son of a bitch.” “Do they have a route for the escaping?” Star asked. “Strangely no, they look like they might plan to just head out the front door. Their only superpowered members are Cold and Light, and while they’re dangerous they could potentially be overwhelmed by gunfire. Another strange thing is that they aren’t talking to one another. It’s just silent, no arguing or barking orders.” Star and Donna exchanged a perturbed glance.

“Are you able to cause a distraction or rescue any of the hostages?” Steph laughed over the radio.

“When you see it fly in and grab some hostages alright?”

“See what?”Star asked confused only to be answered by a boom, and a billowing of smoke that could be seen through the windows.

“Ohhh, I should have known, Nightwing is fond of the smoke bombs.” “Let’s go!” Donna shouted and the two swooped inside, a quick sweep said the smoke was surrounding the bad guys and the hostages were clustered together in the corner. Donna and Star extended their hands allowing three people to grab a hold per arm. One climbed on Donna’s back and they swiftly carried the hostages out to the police. “What are the villain’s interest in your work?” Donna inquired. “The devices they are gathering up are telepathic enhancers and inhibitors. Some generate pockets of psychic interference, others can amplify a psychics range and power levels.” Said a dark skinned woman. She looked like the head of the team.

“Did they say anything else?” Star asked. “No, they just moved silently, they didn’t even seem very interested in us. Several of us were secretly texting family and the police. They didn’t even care. It may be my work clouding my judgement but they act as if they are being controlled.” You could almost see her mind working to put the pieces together.

“Thank you, you’ve been most helpful.” “Spoiler, Black Bat, We are headed in. Be careful there’s a possibility they are being controlled.” Star and Donna flew in once more to see the batgirls engaged in battle. Cold and Light were firing blasts of ice and light at Cass and Steph who were dodging with incredible acrobatics. Cass hurled batarangs, two were frozen but the third detonated sending cold flying. Donna swung her lasso at Zsasz who had run swiping his blade at Cass and yanked him toward her. Star and Dr. Light began hurling light blasts at each other. Their light beams ricocheting dangerously. Riddler threw his own projectiles that Steph avoided easily. Cold got up and hurled more ice daggers at them. Cass and Steph propelled upward, Cass swung around delivering a devastating kick to Cold’s jaw, Star managed to blast Dr. light in the chest while Steph descended from above to land on the riddler. Cuffing him in the process.

Steph and Cass high fived over the defeat of the villains. “Fantastic job friends!” Star cheered. “Who are you working for Zsasz? The Lasso compels you to obey my command.” Zsasz struggled and gasped but did not answer. Donna blinked.

“Answer me!” She commanded, Zsasz suddenly went slack. “Little heroes, you can’t expect me to give up my secrets so easily, you may have won the day, but trust me. I’ll be back.” And with an ominous chuckle Zsasz became unconscious. The four of them stood around feeling a slight sense of foreboding and quickly delivered the criminals to the police.

From a rooftop a few buildings away a woman watched the proceedings with disdain. “Shall I convince them to finish the job your highness?” Asked the man next to her with a wicked grin.

“That won’t be necessary Psimon, the children may have interfered in the destruction of the originals but with all the confusion I believe the research we’ve gathered will make sufficient copies.” Queen Bee smirked at the tablet that now had all the files from the project. Riddler may be annoying but he was useful with a computer.

“Come psimon, I think we have a few upgrades to work on.” and with that the queen of Bialya and her henchman disappeared into the night.

Back at the crime scene out heroes were busy celebrating. “We should do this again, I have a feeling that this particular mission isn’t over yet.” Steph said.

“Agreed.” Said Cass. Donna and Star smiled. “I’d like that.” “As would I!” And the four walked off into the night as well with the beginning of a beautiful team up.

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 11/16 NXT 11/18 NXT UK 11/19 Smackdown 11/20 Survivor Series 11/22

Raw:

Appreciate Lana providing logic to the creation of this match.

“Is this a Disney movie” lmao.

Honestly Shayna works better as a henchman than as a final boss.

Love Lana’s theme btw.

rip Mandy.

Ugly kick by Asuka. Not a compliment.

hahaha Lana tagged herself into the match while Shayna had Asuka in the clutch. hahahahah.

“You suck, get out” rofl.

Asuka you’re trash for not saving Lana. Truly.

“I’m actually really proud of you, you showed a lot of courage tonight.” Nia is funny. A bitch and a bully, sure, but funny.

There’s number 9. rip.

First of all, Dana’s shaky interview was going really well, and I wish they had let her finish it cuz god knows she needs the practice.

Second, WHY IS MIA YIM ATTACKING DANA OF ALL PEOPLE?

I’m not sorry, I shamelessly love Bray and Alexa together, goodbye.

“Your word is... jackass” lmaooo why is he even doing a spelling bee to prep for this match.

rip Rambling Rabbit for the 38th time.

What makes him being killed so damn demented is not only the way he exhibits agony and suffering as he dies, but the way they STAND BY LAUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY. This is the definition of sociopathy.

“Bullseye!” “More like... Rabbit’s heart!” *continues laughing hysterically* jfc.

Really love how Alexa puts her hand beneath her chin and then waves. That goes along with her characteristics developed since the fairy gimmick in nxt back in 2014/2015, to the cosplaying mean girl in 2016/2017/2018, to the babyface in 2019/2020. Also adds another layer with her gloves. Love that.

Nikki’s wandering around looking for Alexa, when clearly she should be looking for the Firefly Funhouse. I suggest asking Seth or Randy.

“Friends never give up on each other,” they also don’t give each other ultimatums cuz that’s toxic af, but okay.

She keeps running her mouth about Fiend and I can already see Alexa demolishing her for it.

LOVE the cohesion in going from one segment to the other as Sarah runs around looking for an interview. Fitting since that’s obviously her job, but it went together smoothly. They really come off as tmz lol.

I appreciate how Miz doesn’t want to fuck with Bray cuz he knows Bray will just torment his family lol. I also appreciate his reasoning because he’s a true opportunist. he doesn’t want to exhaust himself with this match cuz he might cash in later.

Love Alexa’s remixed theme, it’s jarring af. Walking red flag btw.

Oh nooo Nikki what are you doinggg.

I’m not a fan of how Nikki sold this interaction. Didn’t feel natural at all.

OH SHIT the sound of that slap, oof.

Oh my god I love how Bray came out and glared at Nikki. FANTASTIC. Absolute gold. Then he just smiles at Alexa as she takes his arm to escort him to the ring.

And the way the camera focuses back on Miz and Morrison... Miz’s face... I can’t, this is tremendous tbh. What a great story to run throughout this week’s Raw.

lmfao the way Alexa stuck her head between the ropes to scare Morrison. Ugh this pairing is easily my favorite thing in wwe rn.

Interesting, so Bray protects her. A fair duo.

I will never not cringe at watching people pretend to break someone’s neck by twisting it to the side. If I was a wrestler, that’s a move I would NEVER allow to be done to me.

On the plus side, Alexa took out Morrison and he sold it really fucking well. On the negative, it seems that distracted Bray as he’s more concerned for her well being now.

Oh my god the way Alexa reappears from behind the barricade. Creepy as shit.

Love watching her “balance” on the barricade considering she was one hell of a gymnast in her day.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for watching Lacey progress in the ring, cuz I think her character work is just fantastic, but holy shit what a downgrade going from Mandy and Dana to Lacey and Peyton.

Why is she excited? Why is it exciting to fight Sasha? Maybe Asuka should’ve taken that match a bit more seriously, considering the outcome. But I’m jumping ahead of myself.

“No one is ready for Asuka,” except for Charlotte, Becky, Shayna, Alexa, Sasha...

I do appreciate how Lacey isn’t scared of anyone while Peyton is wary of literally everyone. That’s good. Nia has a point though, y’all could’ve used Mandy. I guess it doesn’t matter though, considering the outcome. Jumping ahead of myself again.

“Worst idea since Quibi” lmao shots fired.

*Bonus* Peyton/Lacey online exclusive: they vibe real well off script. Peyton made points saying she can’t wait to teach Lacey how to be on a team. That’s valid cuz Lacey is NOT much of a team player. Points to Lacey though, she’s funny as hell.

Highlight: Alexa Bliss

---

NXT:

Awesome hearing War Pigs during that Shotzi promo. Is that the official theme song for War Games? If so, baller to wwe for shelling that cash out.

I’m guessing Shotzi was fixing her tank? Was that the premise? Regardless, the setting was different and interesting.

I really like the fencing around nxt’s ringside. Fits with the grungy “indie” feel.

God I’m gonna have to watch Candice defeat Kayden and Kacy aren’t I?

Indi bought the Garganos a flat screen tv? :/ mk. What does she have to gain? Johnny was an AWFUL champion and Candice has never even held gold. What is she hoping to accomplish?

“Indi is gaining one of the best mentors in the nxt locker room” lmao WHAT.

omg Kacy and Kayden are so fucking entertaining, I feel like I say this every time I watch them. All tag teams need to TAKE. NOTES. Look at that cohesion and teamwork. Whew.

Hold on don’t try to retcon Tegan as leaving Candice’s side. I hate Tegan even more than I hate Candice, and she was a shite friend to Dakota by proxy of being a spineless dweeb, but do not try to paint Candice as the victim in her feud with Tegan.

I know nothing about the Dakota/Candice friendship but I’d go ahead and blame Dakota since she’s hella douchey lmao.

Imagine thinking Indi is an upgrade from Dakota. Commentary is super funny and distracting tonight lmao.

Was that not a flatliner? Sure looked like an intended flatliner.

So Kacy attempts to kill herself in the process of taking out Indi and none of the cameras caught it? :/ we still using interns looking for college credits in production? Is that what’s happening??

Vic is kind of an awful commentator in his actual calls. “Nice suplex, almost a brainbuster” better hope that was a brainbuster cuz if not, that was the saddest fucking suplex I’ve ever seen in my life.

So Kacy almost kills herself using offense against Indi and Indi was coherent first? Ugh anyway.

Why do we have to listen to Ember speak every week? What a terrible idea.

So now she’s gonna be nxt’s savior by getting rid of Dakota and Raquel? Oh for fuck’s sake.

Why does she have fucking soda tabs on her gear still.

Why is she teaming with Toni. I THOUGHT THEY WERE HEELS. Seriously, am I the dumb one? Am I the one who needs their hand held? Has Ember not been acting like a heel since she returned? Am I the only one confused about Toni’s alignment??

“We’ve fallen victim to the numbers game” WHEN have you fallen victim to the numbers game, Toni? WHO WROTE THIS.

I know nxt wants me to give a shit about Ember and Toni, but good luck making me care about anyone down there more than Dakota or Rhea.

I would really appreciate it if Dakota was moved up to the MR without actually showing any dissention from Raquel.

Dakota calls a lot of matches, I’ve noticed. Pro shit.

Toni’s German suplexes are amazing if she’s actually never hurt anyone, cuz MAN they look gnarly af.

Gorgeous tornado ddt by Ember. Nice speed, great handling by Raquel.

Don’t Dakota and Toni have quite the history? From UK?

Today in wrestling commentary: Vic cannot tell the difference between left and right.

Whoa I just noticed Dakota isn’t wearing her knee brace. That’s kind of monumental, right? Isn’t that a big deal? I feel like that’s a big deal.

Honestly I might like Toni more than Ember. She comes off as a lot more likable since her move to nxt.

Oh Christ I gotta see Candice again. 

Hi why isn’t this main eventing? Do Rhea fucking Ripley and Io fucking Shirai not deserve it?? For real???

Hate it when refs hold the title up crooked. Noob.

Holy shit Io’s speed is TOP. TIER. Whew.

And then slips on the turnbuckle, sad. Could’ve been worse, could’ve been a Shotzi wipeout (and that’s what I’m gonna call it from now on)

What Io has in speed, Rhea has in strength, these are the facts.

Why did Vic cut Beth off by saying exactly what she was in the middle of saying? Vic’s losing a lot of points tonight tbh.

oof gnarly German suplex off the second rope by Io.

Oh my, Rhea’s ear is covered in blood. Must have punctured her ear with an earring. Rough. I say this as someone who has her fair share of piercings: it BOGGLES MY MIND why any of these women wrestle with their piercings in lmao. No ma’am.

Brutal match, whew.

Rhea wiped her own blood on her face.

There are some aprons spots with Rhea obviously waiting around that needed some work.

Rhea can sell, certainly, but her screaming is way too dramatic at times. Most notably at wm in the empty arena, but this match is a close second. Almost borders on annoying.

Niiice Rhea adding a nice vortex spin on the tail end of her cloverleaf submission. Points. Keep that.

Oh that Riptide attempt countered into an armbar by Io. BEAUTIFUL.

I liked that. Io goes for the 619 in the middle rope, Rhea ducks. Io goes for the 619 on the lower rope, Rhea dodges. Io strikes her a couple times, Rhea falls to the opposite side of the ring and Io proceeds to hit the 619. Good stuff.

Lol Io’s smiling at Rhea kicking out of the missile dropkick.

Nice flip off of Rhea’s clothesline but I’m not a fan of Io landing her moonsault on her feet. That’s not really her M.O.

Fucking spiked Rhea with a ddt by countering the Riptide again. That’s a solid champion, has her opponent completely scouted.

Beautiful sunset flip powerbomb through the ropes with Rhea landing through a table. Would’ve been cool if Rhea had let go right away, though.

In kf, I give points to Rhea for dragging herself from the rubble just to eat a clean pin. Great match.

Highlight: Io vs Rhea

---

NXT UK:

Wow robbing me of KLR’s entrance. Guess Piper is officially the heel.

Quit calling her a “new” Piper Niven. A slight aggression is hardly “new”

BE CAREFUL WITH KLR’S SNAZZY COAT.

Y’all got tape out? Have we learned nothing from Bayley/Sasha hiac?

CHUCKED A FUCKING RING BELL INTO PIPER’S HEAD LMAO

Ugh headbutt that takes everyone out. Tsk.

Ric who? Charlotte’s dad??

Who do I gotta pay to see KLR vs Becky Lynch in an extreme match?!

KLR rolls away after that fisherman buster on the outside. Smart points.

Alright listen I’m on KLR’s side but WHY IS JINNY OUT HERE

Lol smacked Piper with a ‘no entry’ sign. Haha.

And Piper broke a sign over KLR’s head, followed by puns from the commentators.

rip random guitar.

Match doesn’t have any creative spots really, but they sure know how to utilize random objects.

BRO YOU CAN’T TAKE A STEEL PIPE TO HER KNEE ON CONCRETE, THAT’S HELLA RUDE. KLR lit a fire under Piper’s ass and Piper’s trying to retire her as thanks. Super, super rude.

Fuck her up fam, I don’t even feel bad.

??? Did KLR even land through the table or did she just land straight onto the fucking concrete? Jesus Christ man. No, she didn’t, she slid into the second table and just ate the floor. Oh my god. IS SHE OKAY??

Highlight: That vicious ending gained KLR a lot of respect in my eyes

---

Smackdown:

Imagine being surprised that Adam chose the longest reigning SD women’s champion as his team captain. Granted she’s probably despised by everyone, but she’s got the pedigree, come on now.

Look how good Bayley looks. Whew.

“You know what time it is? Bayley time.” she’s so annoying rofl.

Wow riveting stuff, I have zero comments about this 2 min match tbh.

Go stand in the ring with your damn captain, Bianca.

Lmao Bayley allergic to hugs now. Character progression.

It’s quite the team I’m ngl. I just wish we could’ve wrapped up this Sasha/Bayley shit like... months ago so we could enjoy captain Bayley for a bit longer. Gonna burn through this in one damn episode. It’s a bummer.

*Bonus* Nattie’s online exclusive: “I sailed through some rough waters [...] I’m smart, I’m sexy, I’m funny, I’m rich” She is funny, I will give her that.

We’re getting Asuka/Sasha face to face? For real? Okay.

Cute, Sasha’s smile toward Asuka actually looked genuine. I miss when Sasha seemed genuine. It’s like Bayley killed that part of her.

“Michael are you forgetting what time it is?” BAYLEY TI-- “It is boss time, baby!” welp my mistake.

I’ve played Asuka’s dialogue to Sasha 3x and I still have no idea what she was saying because of her ridiculous fucking dancing and animation. I’m tired. Bayley come take her title.

Omg now she’s doing “you can’t see me” SHE ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING I absolutely despise her being champion.

Actually she is ready for Asuka, and I’m gonna take great joy in watching her win this Sunday. Sasha is hella unlikeable until the moment that bell rings, then she’s a god. Is what it is.

Booo Sasha was actually doing good on the mic, how dare you ruin that, Carmella.

Asuka is awful. Even Becky and Ronda fought off common enemies once upon a time. Asuka helps legit N O B O D Y. Awful champion.

Highlight: Captain Bayley

---

Survivor Series:

Love Sasha’s gear.

Asuka kicked out at one, quick everyone cry about her selling. Oh wait she’s not Charlotte, my bad.

Beautiful attempt at an armbar by Sasha, whew.

Sasha is so good at this whole wrestling thing lol.

Nice pop up from that backstabber.

Right and in contrast, Asuka is an amazing striker.

Oh a codebreaker to Sasha as she dangles from the second rope. Gorgeous move.

Ahhhh the blue haired god got the job done. I knew she’d win but it’s so gratifying to see.

Not much to say about the match. The spots weren’t brutal or super creative/innovative, but it had GREAT back and forth and really showcased their chemistry in technical wrestling. Also might very well have been the best match they’ve had yet, seemed pretty short though. Still, an enjoyable watch. Good for Sasha.

Lol the disdain in Nia’s face as she looks at Lana.

Look, Bayley’s arm band says ‘captain’ so she’s the captain.

Love seeing how creative people get with their gear at Survivor Series, as opposed to just throwing a damn brand shirt on. Looking at you, 2016.

One thing I’ve learned about Bayley is if she calls you sister, she genuinely likes you behind the scenes. So glad to see Lacey is in her good graces.

Omg Lacey learned how to do a kip up, everybody clap.

Love how the light shines off of Nattie’s gear. Got rainbows popping.

Squatting while stalling a suplex, and synchronized kip ups. Bianca and Nattie are fun.

“Bayley and the great Becky Lynch,” Oh shit, peep that RESPECT we’re putting on her name now? She gets ‘the great’?? wwe finally seeing her on the same level as ‘the great’ Charlotte Flair??? I am shook. Good for her, fucking deserved (also poor Bayley rofl)

Lana tags herself in again lmao. Nia 5 seconds from killing her. Look, Lana tries. Let her try.

I can’t breathe. she been put in timeout.

(referring to a move by Peyton) “I give that a perfect 10“ PPPFFFFTTTT

What a bump by Bayley; a suplex off the top rope onto the entire roster on the outside, and what a great locker room leader to be checking on everyone IMMEDIATELY as if she didn’t just fucking take a massive bump. Also poor Lana standing over there watching the fun lol.

Now I already knew Peyton pinned Bayley cuz of the outrage by Bayley fans who deemed her “buried” afterward, but I think it was a poor decision to have Peyton get that pin. Peyton sucks, not sorry. Have Lacey get that pin before Peyton. Actually, have Lana get that pin before Peyton.

Not sure what Nattie was going for with that submission to Peyton, but she improvised real quick. So points.

Doesn’t Nattie usually wear wrist guards? Awkward seeing her without them.

Goes for a sharpshooter on a woman who’s not even active rn. I’m removing her points lmao.

I legit never get to see Bianca’s 450 splash and you know what? Fuck y’all.

Well Bianca’s a great partner to do a Spanish Fly with so, good on Lacey.

That’s an interesting elimination. Ruby would’ve pinned Shayna as she had rolled back and reversed the Clutch, but the ref was distracted by Nia. By the time he started counting, Ruby had passed out. Interesting.

Crucifix Bomb by Liv eliminates Lacey, fucking dope.

Having Bianca as the last survivor on her team is great for Bianca. This is a compliment from management.

BEAUTIFUL catch by Shayna into the Clutch. Wow that was nice.

Ah we redoing the spot from their Takeover match, IE my introduction to Bianca. Solid.

Oh this is good. Bianca passed out from the Clutch while on the ropes so Shayna was disqualified. Nia drug Bianca out of the ring to put her through the announce table and they started brawling until they were both counted out. 

Again, I knew Lana was the sole survivor but seeing it happen is fucking hilarious. Nice protection for Bianca though, and seeing Nia this pissed off is so cathartic.

Highlight: Bianca was the real standout imo

---

*Survivor Series shined the brightest as we had both a great technical match, and a fun, entertaining multiwoman match filled with shenanigans. If that’s a cop out, then I’ll give it to NXT this week. 

[allcheatscodes]

fable iii pc

http://allcheatscodes.com/fable-iii-pc-2/

fable iii pc

Fable III cheats & more for PC (PC)

Cheats

Unlockables

Hints

Easter Eggs

Glitches

Guides

Achievements

Get the updated and latest Fable III cheats, unlockables, codes, hints, Easter eggs, glitches, tricks, tips, hacks, downloads, achievements, guides, FAQs, walkthroughs, and more for PC (PC). AllCheatsCodes.com has all the codes you need to win every game you play!

Use the links above or scroll down to see all the PC cheats we have available for Fable III.

Check Xbox 360 cheats for this game

Genre: Role-Playing, First-Person RPG Developer: Lionhead Studios Publisher: Microsoft ESRB Rating: Mature Release Date: October 26, 2010

Hints

Gold Key Door Locations

Gold Keys are used to open the Gold Key Doors. The Gold Key Doors are located all throughout Albion. You need a Gold Key for each door, to open it. Treasure can be behind each of the doors. Collecting all Silver and Gold Keys will also get you the “I Am The Keymaster Achievement.” Any key can be used for any door, so choose wisely! A fifth Gold Key is in the Sanctuary. Gold Key Door 1: On your way down the path in the Catacombs under Bowerstone Castle, there is a Gold Door. Since you need a key you have to return later when you have access to the castle with a key. Inside you’ll find 30 Guild Seals! Gold Key Door 2:In the Sunset House area, enter the main gate and take a right as soon as you set foot on the lawn. A winding path leads back to the Gold Key Door here. It’s directly across from the gazebo. Inside this Gold Key Door you’ll find a Legendary Weapon. Gold Key Door 3: In Mourningwood you can access the Ossuary through a door in the graveyard after completing two side quests: Bored to Death and Gone but Not Forgotten (which involve Sam, Max and the Normanomicon). In the Ossuary, turn left just as you enter to find the Gold Door. Beyond it is a sarcophagus you can open for a Legendary Weapon. Gold Key Door 4: In the Reliquary under the Academy in Brightwall Village you can find a well-hidden Gold Key Door. To get to it, you’ll need to complete the Special Delivery (Dweller Camp) and The Ancient Key (Academy) Side Quests. In the latter Side Quest you can lead Saul to a secret library in the Reliquary. Here you can make out a Flit Switch on the wall — it takes four shots from a firearm to activate it. Head up the stairs and through the door on the left. Here is a melee Flit Switch you can smack. It will float down below so vault off the edge and smack it again. After taking on the wave of Hollow Men, stairs and platforms will align to lead to the Gold Key Door. There are five chests in the area beyond called The Prism with the various pieces of the complete Highway Man Costume.

Portal’s Companion Cube

After you become King (or Queen), you can get a Royal Quest to go meet Page in the old resistance HQ and go track down the crime lord. In one of the cells (where Hobbe is worshipping), by some boxes and crates, is a wooden COMPANION CUBE from Portal!

Change Tatoo Colors

If you collect all of the 30 Auroran flowers, you can then change the color of your tatoos (dye them)other colors at any time by going to the temple in Aurora.

Cheats

Money Cheat And Legendary Weapon (Video Cheats)

Unlockables

Currently we have no unlockables for Fable III yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Easter eggs

Lionhead Logo Easter Egg

Access Driftwood over the bridge in in Millfield after completing the side quest “Restoration” (by paying 750 Gold). Go to the end of the beach and turn left to look at the tall Spire. Swim as far as you possibly can towards the Spire and look down into the water and there should be a Lionhead Logo in black at the bottom. It’s not exciting, but it’s neat that it’s out there.

Glitches

Currently we have no glitches for Fable III yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Guides

Currently we have no guides or FAQs for Fable III yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Achievements

Achievement List

The Guild Seal — Unleash your heroic potential. 10G

And So It Begins — Win the support of the Dwellers. 20G

Swift Justice — Win the support of the Swift Brigade. 20G

The Resistance — Win the support of Bowerstone. 50G

Distant Friends — Win the support of Aurora. 20G

The Ruler of Albion — Become the ruler of Albion. 80G

For Albion! — This is where you *spoiler* the great, big *spoiler* and then it all *spoiler*. 80G

Save The Princess! — Rescue the princess from the evil Baron. 10G

Ghost Brothers — Make sure Max and Sam get home in time for tea. 10G

Tragical-Comical-Historical — Help the celebrated thespians Lambert and Pinch put on the world’s greatest play. 10G

The Dark Sanctum — Reinstate an ancient, evil temple. 10G

Island Paradise — Establish the island of Driftwood. 10G

Knight Jumps Chesty — Defeat Chesty at his own game. 10G

Coronation Chicken — Perform a royal judgement while dressed as a chicken. 10G

Spellweaver — Combine two gauntlets to cast a “woven” spell. 5G

Archmage — Cast all 15 possible spell combinations. 20G

Total Warrior — Kill enemies with melee, ranged and spell attacks. 10G

Pull! — Send an enemy flying into the air and kill him while he’s airborne. 10G

Gunning For Glory — Kill 500 enemies using firearms. 20G

If It Bleeds, We Can Kill It — Kill 500 enemies using melee weapons. 20G

Wizard’s Revenge — Kill 500 enemies using magic. 20G

Super Hero — Fully upgrade your Melee, Ranged, and Magic abilities on the Road to Rule. 50G

You Can’t Bring Me Down — Complete Fable III without being knocked out in combat. 50G

My Weapon’s Better Than Yours — Complete 3 unique upgrades on one of the legendary weapons found around Albion. 25G

I’m The Keymaster — Collect all 50 Silver Keys and 4 Gold Keys. 30G

Flower Power — Collect all 30 Auroran flowers. 30G

Gnome Invasion — Destroy all 50 gnomes. 30G

Brightwall Book Club — Collect all 30 rare books for the Brightwall Academy. 30G

Digger — Dig up 50 items. 15G

We Need Guns, Lots Of Guns — Collect all 50 legendary weapons. They won’t all appear in your world, so trade with other Heroes! 20G

Fashion Victim — Collect every item of clothing. 20G

He’s a Woman. She’s a Man — Wear a full set of clothing intended for the opposite sex. 5G

Dye Hippie, Dye — Dye each part of an outfit you’re wearing a different colour and have long hair. 5G

Hand in Hand — Hold hands with someone. 5G

Long Distance Relationship — Get married to another Xbox LIVE player. 10G

Cross-Dimensional Conception — Have a child with another Xbox LIVE player. 10G

Online Merger — Enter into a business partnership with another Xbox LIVE player. 10G

Barrel of Laughs — Kill 30 enemies with explosive barrels. 10G

We Can Be Heroes — Earn 1,000 gold in henchman wages in another Hero’s world. 10G

Kaboom! — Score 2000 on the Mourningwood Fort mortar game. 10G

Lute Hero Tour — Play in each town as a 5 star lute player. 10G

Touched By A Hero — Use touch expressions to interact with 20 different people. 10G

Popularity Contest — Make 20 Friends. 15G

Remodeling — Remodel 5 different houses by changing the furniture. 10G

Magnate Personality — Build a property empire worth 2,000,000 gold. 50G

Crime Spree — Get a 15,000 gold bounty placed on your head. 10G

Henry VIII — As ruler of Albion, get married 6 times and kill 2 of your spouses. 10G

Chest Grandmaster — Unlock all of the chests on the Road To Rule. 40G

Tough Love — Save the maximum amount of Albion citizens. 10G

Adopt Or Die — Adopt a child. 5G

[allcheatscodes]

fable iii pc

http://allcheatscodes.com/fable-iii-pc/

fable iii pc

Fable III cheats & more for PC (PC)

Cheats

Unlockables

Hints

Easter Eggs

Glitches

Guides

Achievements

Get the updated and latest Fable III cheats, unlockables, codes, hints, Easter eggs, glitches, tricks, tips, hacks, downloads, achievements, guides, FAQs, walkthroughs, and more for PC (PC). AllCheatsCodes.com has all the codes you need to win every game you play!

Use the links above or scroll down to see all the PC cheats we have available for Fable III.

Check Xbox 360 cheats for this game

Genre: Role-Playing, First-Person RPG Developer: Lionhead Studios Publisher: Microsoft ESRB Rating: Mature Release Date: October 26, 2010

Hints

Gold Key Door Locations

Gold Keys are used to open the Gold Key Doors. The Gold Key Doors are located all throughout Albion. You need a Gold Key for each door, to open it. Treasure can be behind each of the doors. Collecting all Silver and Gold Keys will also get you the “I Am The Keymaster Achievement.” Any key can be used for any door, so choose wisely! A fifth Gold Key is in the Sanctuary. Gold Key Door 1: On your way down the path in the Catacombs under Bowerstone Castle, there is a Gold Door. Since you need a key you have to return later when you have access to the castle with a key. Inside you’ll find 30 Guild Seals! Gold Key Door 2:In the Sunset House area, enter the main gate and take a right as soon as you set foot on the lawn. A winding path leads back to the Gold Key Door here. It’s directly across from the gazebo. Inside this Gold Key Door you’ll find a Legendary Weapon. Gold Key Door 3: In Mourningwood you can access the Ossuary through a door in the graveyard after completing two side quests: Bored to Death and Gone but Not Forgotten (which involve Sam, Max and the Normanomicon). In the Ossuary, turn left just as you enter to find the Gold Door. Beyond it is a sarcophagus you can open for a Legendary Weapon. Gold Key Door 4: In the Reliquary under the Academy in Brightwall Village you can find a well-hidden Gold Key Door. To get to it, you’ll need to complete the Special Delivery (Dweller Camp) and The Ancient Key (Academy) Side Quests. In the latter Side Quest you can lead Saul to a secret library in the Reliquary. Here you can make out a Flit Switch on the wall — it takes four shots from a firearm to activate it. Head up the stairs and through the door on the left. Here is a melee Flit Switch you can smack. It will float down below so vault off the edge and smack it again. After taking on the wave of Hollow Men, stairs and platforms will align to lead to the Gold Key Door. There are five chests in the area beyond called The Prism with the various pieces of the complete Highway Man Costume.

Portal’s Companion Cube

After you become King (or Queen), you can get a Royal Quest to go meet Page in the old resistance HQ and go track down the crime lord. In one of the cells (where Hobbe is worshipping), by some boxes and crates, is a wooden COMPANION CUBE from Portal!

Change Tatoo Colors

If you collect all of the 30 Auroran flowers, you can then change the color of your tatoos (dye them)other colors at any time by going to the temple in Aurora.

Cheats

Money Cheat And Legendary Weapon (Video Cheats)

Unlockables

Currently we have no unlockables for Fable III yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Easter eggs

Lionhead Logo Easter Egg

Access Driftwood over the bridge in in Millfield after completing the side quest “Restoration” (by paying 750 Gold). Go to the end of the beach and turn left to look at the tall Spire. Swim as far as you possibly can towards the Spire and look down into the water and there should be a Lionhead Logo in black at the bottom. It’s not exciting, but it’s neat that it’s out there.

Glitches

Currently we have no glitches for Fable III yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Guides

Currently we have no guides or FAQs for Fable III yet. If you have any unlockables please feel free to submit. We will include them in the next post update and help the fellow gamers. Remeber to mention game name while submiting new codes.

Achievements

Achievement List

The Guild Seal — Unleash your heroic potential. 10G

And So It Begins — Win the support of the Dwellers. 20G

Swift Justice — Win the support of the Swift Brigade. 20G

The Resistance — Win the support of Bowerstone. 50G

Distant Friends — Win the support of Aurora. 20G

The Ruler of Albion — Become the ruler of Albion. 80G

For Albion! — This is where you *spoiler* the great, big *spoiler* and then it all *spoiler*. 80G

Save The Princess! — Rescue the princess from the evil Baron. 10G

Ghost Brothers — Make sure Max and Sam get home in time for tea. 10G

Tragical-Comical-Historical — Help the celebrated thespians Lambert and Pinch put on the world’s greatest play. 10G

The Dark Sanctum — Reinstate an ancient, evil temple. 10G

Island Paradise — Establish the island of Driftwood. 10G

Knight Jumps Chesty — Defeat Chesty at his own game. 10G

Coronation Chicken — Perform a royal judgement while dressed as a chicken. 10G

Spellweaver — Combine two gauntlets to cast a “woven” spell. 5G

Archmage — Cast all 15 possible spell combinations. 20G

Total Warrior — Kill enemies with melee, ranged and spell attacks. 10G

Pull! — Send an enemy flying into the air and kill him while he’s airborne. 10G

Gunning For Glory — Kill 500 enemies using firearms. 20G

If It Bleeds, We Can Kill It — Kill 500 enemies using melee weapons. 20G

Wizard’s Revenge — Kill 500 enemies using magic. 20G

Super Hero — Fully upgrade your Melee, Ranged, and Magic abilities on the Road to Rule. 50G

You Can’t Bring Me Down — Complete Fable III without being knocked out in combat. 50G

My Weapon’s Better Than Yours — Complete 3 unique upgrades on one of the legendary weapons found around Albion. 25G

I’m The Keymaster — Collect all 50 Silver Keys and 4 Gold Keys. 30G

Flower Power — Collect all 30 Auroran flowers. 30G

Gnome Invasion — Destroy all 50 gnomes. 30G

Brightwall Book Club — Collect all 30 rare books for the Brightwall Academy. 30G

Digger — Dig up 50 items. 15G

We Need Guns, Lots Of Guns — Collect all 50 legendary weapons. They won’t all appear in your world, so trade with other Heroes! 20G

Fashion Victim — Collect every item of clothing. 20G

He’s a Woman. She’s a Man — Wear a full set of clothing intended for the opposite sex. 5G

Dye Hippie, Dye — Dye each part of an outfit you’re wearing a different colour and have long hair. 5G

Hand in Hand — Hold hands with someone. 5G

Long Distance Relationship — Get married to another Xbox LIVE player. 10G

Cross-Dimensional Conception — Have a child with another Xbox LIVE player. 10G

Online Merger — Enter into a business partnership with another Xbox LIVE player. 10G

Barrel of Laughs — Kill 30 enemies with explosive barrels. 10G

We Can Be Heroes — Earn 1,000 gold in henchman wages in another Hero’s world. 10G

Kaboom! — Score 2000 on the Mourningwood Fort mortar game. 10G

Lute Hero Tour — Play in each town as a 5 star lute player. 10G

Touched By A Hero — Use touch expressions to interact with 20 different people. 10G

Popularity Contest — Make 20 Friends. 15G

Remodeling — Remodel 5 different houses by changing the furniture. 10G

Magnate Personality — Build a property empire worth 2,000,000 gold. 50G

Crime Spree — Get a 15,000 gold bounty placed on your head. 10G

Henry VIII — As ruler of Albion, get married 6 times and kill 2 of your spouses. 10G

Chest Grandmaster — Unlock all of the chests on the Road To Rule. 40G

Tough Love — Save the maximum amount of Albion citizens. 10G

Adopt Or Die — Adopt a child. 5G