#& they get butthurt over the fact that she isn’t interested in them

[thedailybullshit]

“I will never fall in love, or be a housewife, or have a family.”

Wednesday if you’re asexual you can just say that.

[nova-is-a-writer-now]

Fools

[[zuko x reader]]

->next

Summary: Zuko and Y/N had liked eachother for a while even though neither of them knew it. Y/N tries to get over her crush for him, failing miserably. So just when she decides to let go and embrace her feelings, the new Fire lord finds himself feeling jealous and decides to take matters into his own hands

A/N: this is the first Zuko/ATLA fic i’ve ever written, so go easy on me plssss, i just finishes the show a couple days ago (a little late ik) and ever since then i’ve been OBSESSED with this man (if he’s too ooc pls let me know) . This is set a while after the coronation and it’s an AU where zuko and mai were never a thing. Hope y’all like this <3

ps: this may get a little long, i’m writting this before i finish it but i get a feeling it’s gonna be a long one so be prepared lol also it will most definitely have a pt.2 if y’all like it.

Warnings: Angst but it’ll end well i promise, swearing

-IF YOU HAVE ANY REQUESTS DONT HESITATE TO ASK-

Things after the war ended had been chaotically peaceful. Turns out that leading an entire nation, specially when it was the one that caused the war, and reuniting the lands that had for so long been against eachother was harder than all of you thought. The fact that a group of teenagers were the head of the operation wasn’t a big advantage either.

Sure, Aang and Zuko, who were the ones who had the most important positions when it came to politics and diplomacy, had advisors and people around to help guide them, but it was still a hard job. Nevertheless, without a war or fighting, you were sure it was good for the entire group to keep busy. They’d kept a lifestyle of always moving around and being on guard for so long it would’ve been a big shock to be forced to stay still after that.

Katara and Sokka travelled back and forth from the Southern Water Tribe to the Fire nation a few times, not too often though because of how far apart the two were. That was a shame because of how close you’d grown to Katara and her motherly self, her advice and her unconditional friendship, and even to Sokka and his bad jokes, his way of teasing everyone and how he could make you smile even when you weren’t in the mood, you even missed how mad he made you sometimes. Suki went with them to spend some time away from everything, she loved her life as a Kioshi warrior but she decided she needed a break after everything she had gone through.

Aang, on the other hand, was traveling all over but mostly between the Earth kingdom, were he would very often meet with Katara, and the Fire nation. You got to see him way more often than you got to see Katara, Suki and Sokka, although he tended to be busy with avatar business. He was doing a great job, you had to admit. The people loved him, he found a way to spread his teachings and the teachings of the Air nomads to the world and uniting others helping them put aside their differences seemed to be his thing now more than ever. But most importantly he seemed truly happy, one time he even told you he finally felt like he was making all the air nomads proud, wherever they were.

Toph still wanted to be away from her parents, so she refused to go back to the Earth Kingdom. She hated the cold, not being able to use her seismic senses in the snow and being bossed around by katara, so she refused to go with them too. So when you offered her to stay with you, she accepted. She made it seem as though it was her last choice because she had to keep her tough girl reputation, but actually she liked you a lot, she saw you kind of as a big sister. You took care of her in a way no one had before, not seeing her as helpless and weak but still being there for her when she needed you. Though she’d never tell this to anyone aloud.

And Zuko was still Zuko, just that now he was a Firelord. He took his job very seriously, determined to prove wrong everyone who had said he was too young or too weak for it. He knew the big responsibility he had in his hands and he seemed to be doing really well. He had his moments, of course, where he would have outbursts of emotion and anger, but he always found his way back to being who he needed to be for his Nation, and you always helped with that. He was the one who suggested you stayed in the Fire nation as a representative of the Northern Water tribe. You were hesitant at first, but after thinking the idea over you realized you had no business up in the tribe, you’d been away for a long time and you weren’t ready to go back just yet.

The two of you had never been incredibly close in the time since he joined the gaang, but you couldn’t denied there was a connection between the two. You got his humor and he got yours, you could tease eachother all day without getting butthurt, you could open up and talk about deep stuff under the stars on a sleepless night, and spending time with him seemed easier to do than with most people. You’d brushed this off as the two of you being good friends for a good while, even after you moved into the palace and started to hang out with him more, but for the past few weeks it’s been getting harder to do.

Every time Toph, him and you ate lunch together and he sat in front of you, you couldn’t help but end up staring at him, not in a weird, creepy way but in a ‘I’m mesmerized by you why am i mesmerized by you and since when are your eyes such a beautiful shade of gold’ way. You were in denial about it but deep down you knew you were starting to have a crush on him, and eventually Toph caught up to it too.

One night after diner she pulled you into her room, closed the door and said “Listen, Snow queen, I’m kinda tired of your heart going crazy every time mister flaming pants is around so you either get over your little crush, tell him how you feel or I will personally snitch on you directly to him, understood?” You didn’t even have the guts to deny it to her, specially since she’d know if you were lying, so you just heavily sighed and looked at the floor. She must’ve felt bad for you cause she took your hand and dragged you to sit on her bed to interrogate you about the situation.

“Out of anyone you could’ve ended up liking I never saw this one coming” she told you taking a seat on the opposite side of the bed

“Don’t get me started” you threw yourself back to the bed and stared at the ceiling for a second before speaking again “Like how dumb do I have to be to crush on someone who isn’t only probably the busiest man on all kingdoms right now, but also royalty and... well Zuko. He would never like a girl like me and even if he did, he probably has to end up with a princess or something.”

“I’m not letting you drown in a pity party here, ok?” Toph pulled your wrist and forced you to sit back up and look at her. “He’s lucky a girl as decent as you is willing to put up with that temper of his and how annoying he can get. Now what are you gonna do about it?”

“Nothing?” You replied in a low voice not taking a second to think about it. Toph punched you in the arm in response “Hey, what was that for?”

“What I said before still stands, I can’t deal with you being all flustered every time he’s around, so get over it or tell him how you feel.” She spat and all you could do was grunt and throw yourself back into the bed

So you were gonna get over it then. Easy task. Never done anything easier before.

It wasn’t.

Turns out that by trying to avoid Zuko at all costs you ended up stumbling into him even more. Around the corners, in the hallways, everywhere. The plan was to just avoid him as much as possible until eventually your feelings faded away, you couldn’t have a crush on someone you didn’t even see right? Wrong. Even when you weren’t around Zuko he was still on your mind. You tried to go to the palace library and distract yourself with literature, but reading romance books only made you feel more miserable and the only other option there was were war strategy books which you weren’t very interested in. The next distraction you chose was gardening, you loved nature and you were a water bender, it was the perfect task you thought, but once again you were wrong. You turned out to be such a bad gardener, Kya who was the one in charge of the royal gardens (and who was the sweetest lady) ended up banning you from messing with her flowers ever again. The last thing you could think of to stay away from Zuko was feeding the turtle ducks. It seemed like a good idea and on the few occasions you’d been in the pond before, the little animals seemed to be very fond of you. You couldn’t mess this one up, anyone could feed the ducks, but there was a little problem as it seemed to be the theme of that day, the Fire lord had forgotten to tell you that the pond was his place of choice when he needed to clear his head.

You didn’t even notice he was there until you heard his voice behind you. “Keep feeding them like this and they’ll get obese”

You jumped a bit out of surprise and turned around to face him with your palm pressed to your chest. “Spirits, Zuko, don’t do that to me, you’re gonna kill me one of these days” It was a bright and sunny day, the heat of the Fire nation weather made his face glimmer a little, his hair was up held by the royal Fire lord hair piece and he was wearing a version of his formal attire made for a hotter weather, leaving his muscly arms on display. As soon as you realized you were staring once again, you turned your attention back to the pond in an attempt to hide the blush that was slowly conquering your cheeks.

He took a sit next to you and waited a couple seconds before breaking the silence. “Hey... um... I don’t know if this is just me but you’ve been acting weird lately, is everything ok?” He asked looking at you.

“Everything is fine, definitely just you.” you replied not taking your eyes away from the shining water of the pond. The ducks had grown tired of waiting for you to keep feeding them and swam away.

“I... don’t think so. You didn’t come to breakfast today, everytime we’re together you seem to wanna leave as soon as possible and right now you can’t even look at me.” He paused before taking in a deep breath. “Did... did I do something to upset you?”

You finally turned around to look at him and the look you saw in his eyes was heartbreaking. Ever since he joined Team Avatar, Zuko had been making a huge effort to be good. You could see how sometimes he struggled to pick being kind and gentle over being erratic and explosive, and you also knew that had a lot to do with his childhood. But he had been doing such a good job at it, specially since he became Fire lord, he was so much more friendly, better at socializing and overall improving. And right now it was clear to you that you had made him feel like he was failing at being a good person and he’d somehow messed up with you.

You turned your body around slightly and put a reassuring hand on his knee before saying “Oh, Zuko, no. You haven’t done anything and I’m not upset at you, I mean that. It’s just...” coming up with lies and excuses had always been your strong point but having Zuko there making you ridiculously nervous wasn’t a factor that helped. “I.. uh...I’m getting a little homesick, you know? With Toph gone most of the day and you busy, I’ve been feeling a little melancholic about my home, but it’s nothing I promise. I’m just trying to find something to do with my time.” You we’re impressed with yourself with this one, it actually sounded pretty convincing.

You thought you had the situation handled until Zuko spoke again a few seconds later. “Y/N, I’m sorry. I hadn’t realized until now with all the chaos of being Fire lord but I asked you to stay here and represent the Northern Water tribe and I haven’t even given you time out of my day. I haven’t been the best host, have I?” Before you could even reply he widened his eyes and said “I have an idea, tomorrow I’ll take the day off and we can go on a small field trip to this cabin my family has on the ourskirts of town, there are some nice fields and it’s very peaceful, we’ll have a picnic lunch there and just relax. You can even ask Toph to come with. How does that sound?”

He looked at you expectantly and you started to look for reasons to turn him down, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. It was true that you hadn’t had much time to spend with him ever since he took his position, and in all honesty, crush or not you really did miss him. Your weakness for him won the battle and you ended up accepting the plan saying it was a great idea. The regent stood up from his place and assuring you he’d have everything ready for the next day he left.

You really had messed up this time.

—————

The next morning you put on a flowy, flower-print dress. It was classy but at the same time comfortable and light enough to handle the summer weather. You had nervously been looking at yourself in the mirror for way too long now. Before dinner the past night you at least had hopes that Toph would come with to the field trip and she would help you contain yourself when it came to Zuko, but of course that wasn’t the case. When he had brought the topic up at the table Toph limited herself to look at you knowingly and say “You know what? I happen to be very busy tomorrow, you know, I’m trying to get a name for myself in the Fire nation’s fighting scene and I have a fight tomorrow, sorry.” You knew she was lying because she had told you about her fight but instead of the next day it was three days from then. All you could do was look at the little devil and make sure you wrote a mental note of getting back at her as soon as you could.

So here you were, minutes ago from embarking in a field trip with the person you were supposed to avoid, and you had no idea how you were gonna get out of this one.

A knock on your door startled you and took you out of your worrying thoughts. A few seconds later a maid’s head popped in as she said “Lady Y/N, Firelord Zuko and the carriage are ready for you.” You took a deep breath and walked towards the door while replying with a soft “Thank you, Yun”

The carriage waited for you in front of the palace and so did Zuko. He was already inside, sheltering himself from the unforgiving sun, so you startled him when you hopped inside. “Y/N, you look...nice” he complimented you, a faint blush running through his cheeks making him gain a more childish and youthful look.

“Thank you, Zuko. Likewise.” You responded attempting to stay as calm as you could. You hated that he had so much power over you.

He ordered for you to be in your way before the carriage started moving swiftly. Your eyes flowed to the window, looking out at the capital city of the Fire nation. “You’ve done a great job leading this people. They look... so happy.” You drew your eyes back at Zuko as he stared at you. It was you who was starting to blush now.

“I hope so. I’ve done everything I’m capable of to change the old ways of this nation. I hope I’m making the right choices.” A worrisome look took over his eyes as he let his own attention drift towards the streets.

“Hey” you called to him as you stretched your hand to cover his. “You’re doing just fine Zuko. You’ve done so much for these people and all the other nations as well, I’m sure you’ll do even more good.”

He faintly smiled at you as a response and you could tell that although he did worry about the future, your reassurance helped.

The rest of the ride was spent pointing out the animals you saw on the road, sharing childhood stories about when Zuko and his mom used to come here when they both needed to get away from everything, and a bit of teasing about how Zuko had no idea what to pack for a picnic and had to ask the head chef of the kitchen for help. Luckily you had become friends with chef Karou in the time you’d been living in the palace and he knew your taste rather well.

When you finally arrived there was no sight of the usual movement and noise proper of a big city, the air was filled with the peculiar scent of flowers you couldn’t recognize just yet and grass. In the distance at your left you could see a small cattle of Hippo cows and Komodo chickens. And at your right a long field of grass and flowers that seemed to go up in a small and almost unnoticeable hill.

You and Zuko stepped down the carriage just as a guard handed him the picnic basket. The tall regent turned to you and ordered “Follow me, I wanna show you something”. You did as you were told, being led by him all the way up the hill until you were at the very top. When the two of you got there your breath was taken away by the beautiful view you had in front of you. A huge field of flowers layed gracefully at the end of the hill and extended far enough that it connected to the horizon.

“This is...” you started but were so taken aback by the view you didn’t finish your sentence.

Zuko seemed to understand regardless and replied “I know.” Behind you he started to set up a cloth for the two of you to sit on. You forced yourself to remove your attention from the field and place it on what was going on behind you. Taking a seat on the opposite end of the cloth you helped him take out all the items chef Karou had packed for you. When you were done you looked at Zuko and said “Thanks for this. It’s really nice.”

“No need to thank me, I’ve been leaving you alone so much time lately. I know aside from Toph I’m pretty much all you have here so take this as a ‘Sorry I’ve been a terrible friend’ offering.” He smiled wide expecting you to do the same but that smile faded away as soon as he saw the expression on your face.

‘Friend’

The word echoed in your head as your eyes dropped to the food you had in front of you. Of course he saw you as a friend. You had almost convinced yourself you should confess your feelings to him and he goes on to call himself your friend. A knot in your throat started to form and you did your best to show it as little as you could. But you obviously failed.

“Everything ok?” Zuko asked tilting his head to catch your eyes.

You looked up and faked a smile. “Yeah... just thinking how far we’ve come.” You lied through your teeth before continuing. “Anyways, enough of all the cheesiness, I’m starving.”

“Agreed” He replies picking up something for himself. You chose a small salty biscuit with a mix of meats on top and decided to distract yourself with it. “Chef Karou said you’d like that one. He also said you hated onions and peas. What type of weirdo hates peas?”

You chuckled a little, the feeling that oppressed your chest fading away quickly. “I do. They’re disgusting and if you like them I don’t trust you.”

Zuko laughed loudly before remarking “Its not like I like them, Y/N. It’s just a weird thing to be picky over. They’re peas, they don’t really taste like anything.”

You widened your eyes and quickly swallowed the bite of biscuit you had taken. “What do you mean they don’t taste like anything? They taste disgusting and they are mushy and just... gross”

Zuko replies with another laugh. His laugh made you feel warm inside, it could make you forget about everything, Toph’s threats, your previous plans and even the now faint voice poking the back of your mind telling you to be careful or you’d get your heart broken.

The two of you kept eating and chattering at the same time. You’d finished the salty food and it came time for the desert. Chef Karou had made a type of cake and stored it inside a small glass jar. You tried opening the lid but it was too hard. You heard Zuko in front of you offering you help but you refused it telling him you could do it on your own. After a couple minutes of struggling , Zuko took your deep sigh as a sign of defeat and scooted closer to you. “Here, let me.” He took the jar from your hands and quickly opened the lid, handing it back to you. You looked up expecting to find a smug smirk that felt way to familiar to you at this point but instead you found his serious face dangerously close to yours.

You took the jar back and set in down. “Thanks” you muttered softly and quietly. His only response was to slowly but firmly raise a hand up to your face to put away a strand of hair that had fallen. His touch sent shivers down your spine. All thoughts of caution escaped your mind as you felt his face so close you could feel his warm breath mixing with yours. The tension between you seemed to almost be to much to handle when you thought you saw Zuko lean in a little. Before anything else could happen, one of the guards that had come with and stayed back where the carriage was spoke. “Firelord Zuko”

The golden eyed boy dropped his hand from your face and turned around to face the guard. “Have they not taught you to not interrupt people when they’re talking privately?”

“I am very sorry, Firelord.” The guard bowed in sign of respect. “But we have just received a messenger hawk with a letter from the palace. The Avatar and you other friends are here.”

[buttmuncher91]

a lot of advanceshippers love to say such bs about Drew even to this day. Drew is not my favorite character & it’s fine to prefer advanceshipping over contestshipping and I kinda like advanceshipping , but some of the things they say are ridiculous! This is not bashing on all advanceshippers or advanceshipping in general, this is just some quotes (not exact) I’ve seen that I’ve had problems with.

”Drew is a jerk! Ash would treat her right!“

Both would treat her just fine! Drew watches out for her & tells her when Harley is tricking her, saved her friends & brother when she was busy, saves her friends, cheers her up when she’s down, & they both calmly talk to each other when alone.

Besides, there are some things to point Ash being a jerk to her too! Ash yelled at her because he was butthurt he had no boat to get his next gym badge & skips out on watching some of her contest when May even watches him battle regular trainers.

And it’s not like May is an innocent angel herself. She yelled at Ash & Drew for no reason, had her torchic attack Ash, & forced Ash to agree to let her travel with him by bringing up her bike.

I know May & Ash have developed a lot sense than, but so has Drew & y’all are just stuck viewing him how he reacted at the beginning.

”May hates Drew & loves ash!“

She doesnt hate Drew. At the very worst, she sees him as a friend & has seen him that way by “Who, What, When, Where, Wynut.” Like I said we seen them talk a lot when they run into each other & heck, she even ditched the group, including Ash as he was talking to her, to talk to Drew when she saw Drew. So tell me again how she loves Ash way more than Drew lol!

And in ”Spontaneous Combustion“ May blushes at Drew after he waved and walked off. May never blushed around Ash, even when some weird couple accused her of being Ash’s lover. And there was nothing in that scene that indicates her getting red met something else. She wasn’t sick, doesn’t look mad, didn’t do anything embarrassing, etc... so it looks as if she really likes Drew.

”Drew is a flirts with any girl & would cheat on May, but Ash would never cheat on her!”

You people have nothing to back this up. Drew had fangirls gushing all over him? May being Norman‘s daughter and probably because she’s referred to as hoenn princess, has a lot of fanboys! In fact, Ash is more likely to cheat on May then Drew dispite him being oblivious, as Drew showed 0 interest in his fangirls & ran from them. If he was such a flirt, he wouldn’t run from fan girls, but would try & you know, FLIRT with them. Drew also showed 0 interest for other girls, & only teases May. You advanceshipper fanbrats (not saying all advanceshippers are fanbrats just the advanceshippers who think this) only pretend he is to make up reasons for May to reject Drew.

”He only likes May for her rack, & wouldn’t care for her if it was flat!“

Talk about reaching. Drew only stares at her FACE! He never stared at them, & the anime gave her chest 0 focus. He isn’t just some creeper. Despite not being interested in her, he treated Breanna nicely & she was flat. He may just have puppy love/a crush on her, but saying he’s just trying to win her because of her rack is complete bs!

”Think about it, Drew & May would make ugly babies!”

Based on what? Cuz Drew has green hair? As someone whose least favorite color is green (okay, okay dark/forest green is pretty), I think this is a stupid claim. Even with a weird hair color, there’s a chance the child could be cute, & really beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Hair color is NOT even close to a huge factor to what separates not ugly to ugly. And they don’t have to make babies if they do get together. They can just choose to adopt to help out those who need a home or just happily be with each other with no children at all.

”Drew is in less episodes with May than Ash, so advanceshipping is better & will be canon!”

🤦‍♀️Misty has the most screen time with ash. By this cruddy ”logic,” Misty & ash (so far) are canon. Yes, misty has much more screen time with ash than May. Misty had all of Kanto, Orange Islands, AND Jhoto with ash... as well as a cameo with ash in Hoenn, and TWO separate cameos in Alola. And at this point, May could have spent more time with Drew. It’s been 4 regions that Ash hasn’t even thought of 1 of her Pokémon after all this time. I’m no pokeshipper, but let’s be real here.

And most of the time Ash & May are on screen, it’s them focusing on their goals/Pokémon. They cheer & encourage each other too, but it’s mostly friendship stuff. Could something happen later on between them to spark love? Sure. But nothing in the anime ever pointed to that. And you can literally say that with Ash and... ANYONE! Like Ash could grow up, met back up with Roxie & they could fall for each other.

When Drew appears on screen, you mostly see hard evidence for contestshipping, weather on Drew’s side, May’s side, or both. Yes, there’s evidence on BOTH sides that they like each other. At best, advanceshipping looks one-sided on May’s side. And even then, it mostly looked that way in the beginning of AG. There’s way more evidence that May likes Drew & vice vesa than with ash & May, even with “less contestshipping hints!“ A lot of hints for shippings are overblown. Not just advanceshipping hints, but poke/pearl/negai(actually never mind, negai is under looked & over hated)/amour/etc... are over blown & it’s just ash being his usual nice/childish self. With Drew, it’s obvious he likes her as how he constantly stares at her, teases her, gives her red roses (& says they’re for beutifly), etc... While I think I covered how May likes Drew enough already. And yes, this could just be a kiddy crush for the both of them, but in the end there’s still harder evidence that Drew & May like each other.

Plus there are a lot of canon fictIonal couples who had less screen time with each other than other characters. Naruhina, ichihime, Hinny, gochi, etc...

“Drew never saves May’s life, unlike Ash!”

So? May never even tried to saved Ash, like she did with Drew!

Ash has also saved: Angie (who has a more confirmed crush on ash), Dawn, Pikachu (3x I can think of), Chinchar, Lillie (or at least attempts to help a lot of times), Celiebi, Erika’s Gloom, Serena, Misty’s sisters Pokémon, a ton of CotDs & their Pokémon...

And what of those who saved Ash? Misty, Sabrina’s... family photographer, Gary, Iris, Clemont’s father, Zeroara dude, a ton of officer jennys, Pikachu, a lapras, Paul, Drew (ya keep on hating him if it werent for him Ash Brock and Max would probably be dead in that crate Jessie, James & Meowth trapped them in so not even advanceshipping could happen).

“Rivals can’t be dating!”

Where did you get this bs? Even in the pokeani IN THE AG SERIES this has been proven false. Watch Pasificlog Jam again. Who put you in charge of how couples should work anyways? If a writer wants to have rivals hookup in their story, than they have that freedom to have the rivals hookup regardless how upset you get over it.

“Ash & May kissed in a banned episode, so advanceshipping is canon not contestshipping!”

Come on guys, they’re 10. The anime creators aren’t gonna have two 10 yr olds kiss on the lips. Its really creepy some person came up with this. No, it’s not creepy cuz I don’t like advaceshipping (I actually like some aspects of it). Again, it’s creepy because they’re 10. If they were like 13+ yrs old, it‘d be okay, but NOT 10. Plus, even Japan is very sensitive when having kissing on the lips happen with kid shows. Even with adults, they censor it/show something else as the kiss happens & just imply it happened. Expecally how they view kissing on the lips in the first place, they ain’t having 2 ten year olds kiss.

And there would be NOTHING to imply that they where going to kiss. Around this time this episode that they kissed claimed to happen (episode 357), Ash & co. where heading to fortree. Nothing ever was implied from the both of them even want to kiss each other. They just where supportive friends of each other with no hinting there where secret feelings or developing feelings from ether of them. Theres also nothing beyond that episode that implied the kiss happened. Because if it did actually happen, I’m sure something like that would impact the next few episodes, but nope no mention of any kiss nor do ash & May act any differently around each other in 358 and beyond. So even if it did happen, it was going to more than likely sink the ship, like it was some akaward thing they did because they were “under the mistletoe“ & afterwards just agreed to be friends & forget about it. The pokemon anime was always about friendship, adventure, and Pokemon themselves, never romance.

Also episode 357 is “Take This House and Shuppet!” not “A Kiss Under the Mistletoe!“ The Japanese episode is the same as the English barring names & episode number.

Were do you get such a sorce for this info? “my friend’s japanese friend who talked to the director of the AG anime & saw it!” or some other ridiculous unreliable garbage like that? Give me actual sources with interviews from the writers talking about this supposed banned episode. Bet you can’t, unless it’s fake & unreliable. If it existed, it would have floated up by someone from Japan. After All, even if for 20 mins that episode should’ve existed if it was just banned. Like “Electric Soldier Porygon” was banned completely & only aired one time in Japan. However, there are places that you can watch the episode despite it being completely banned due to putting a lot of children in the hospital from seizures. That was older than the supposed advanceshipping kiss episode as ’Electric Soldier Porygon’ is a Original Series episode in Kanto the 38th episode. No one can find this supposed advanceshipping episode nor is it even listed in the banned episode list. It should be harder to find this older banned episode than it should be to find this supposed banned kiss episode.

“Why should May choose Drew over Ash? Ash is like a literal god!”

What? Yes, he’s befriended every legendary & come back though poketears, save the world so many times, has arua abilities (he rarely uses), & whatever else, but it’s not like he seems that BA or whatever. Ash not aging seems over focused on, when in reality NO ONE is aging. It took him 7 regions to win 1 league (a questionable one at that), can’t remember Pokémon he seen before & sometimes forgets what he learned, & needs saved by others sometimes. Some god, can’t even rescue himself. Besides, who knows what Drew has done on his adventures. Drew has also saved Ash, Brock, & Max from trouble, isn’t Drew awesome saving someone ”like a god!”? Drew also has beat him in a battle as well, is that y’all’s problem?

And where is Ash’s voice in all this? It’s like this in all this anti-Drew bs. “Drew is just this terrible creature who possesses all 7 deadly sins & is the creation of Giratina & thus May hates & so does everyone else! However... blessed by Arceus himself, we all just know not dense Ash Ketchem is waiting to sweep May off her feet & save her from the demonic spawn that is Drew who is lusting after her bewbs😡” (<-original ideas, do not steal jkjk). Like there’s NOTHING to indicate ash wants her. And do you think this of May as well? Like do y‘all think May is just this perfect, sweetest, most divine woman in the pokeani that only Ash “blessed by Arceus“ is the only guy that should be blessed by such an angel? 🤣

Look, I like Ash & I like May. But even with my favorite characters I wouldn’t go as far as to think so highly of them that it makes Helga’s obsession with Arnold look like nothing. And just because Ash is more amazing with more feets & whatever, doesn’t mean May has to love ash or that Ash has to choose may because Drew doesn’t measure up to him.🤷‍♀️ Just think about it, should Timmy’s mom go with Dinkleburg? After all, he is smarter than Timmy’s dad, has more money & is more successful than he is. And Wandesemo is more popular, not stupid, & mostly competent unlike Casmo. Should Wanda dump Casmo for him? Of course i understand wanting the best person to end with you’re favorite character. But that’s not how love works & in the long run isn’t fair to both Ash & May (& Drew, but I know you haters don’t care about that).

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Top 5 Reasons Doug’s Pretty Great

It’s hard to believe that it’s been nine years since the first episode of S1 was released. I can still remember be a wee little lass first discovering it on youtube and becoming obsessed. At the time, I had no where to play it myself, so I watched as many playthroughs as I could until my family got an xbox. 

While the first episode in this series has a lot of memorable moments, the one that always stands out in people’s memories is the moment where you’re trying to escape the drugstore as walkers pound away at the door and windows, and you realize that both Carley and Doug need your help or they’re going to die. 

But... you can only save one, and whoever you don’t help, they end up being eaten alive by walkers and you get to feel bad about it for the rest of the episode. 

I bring this up because it’s interesting to look back nine years ago and see that... well, not a lot of people saved Doug. Which is crazy, because now the stats are pretty 50/50 with Doug even having a bit of an edge over Carley. That definitely wasn’t the case back then because the stats were more along the line of 20/80.

Why? Well, the writer’s didn’t exactly do the best job of showing how great Doug is in ep1, especially compared to Carley who has more interactions with Lee and more screen time.... which is even funnier because they did actually think they did a good job and were surprised by the results after the episode’s release.

Even back then they had a habit of making imbalanced routes then denying the imbalance... something they never grew out of. 

I guess they were a little butthurt about it since Doug is a favorite among the team given that he’s actually based on a real person, Doug Tabacco, an IT guy they worked with. This got to the point where Telltale never missed an opportunity to tell everyone to #SaveDoug over Carley.

I also love that they use the Stranger to guilt trip everyone who saved Carley by having him be like, “Doug was in a worse position! >:( You only saved Carley because she was a pretty girl!!” just.... real subtle, guys haha

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that more often than not, I choose to save Carley over Doug for many reasons, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate Doug and enjoy having him around in the off chance I do save him. So I thought it’d be fun to talk about Doug as a character and why he was pretty great as a little tribute, y’know? 

5. Doug’s a pretty funny dude

Now, I wouldn’t exactly call twdg a comedy, y’know? It gets dark, then manages to get even darker at times, but if the game was nothing but doom and gloom, it’d get boring and become unenjoyable. 

While other characters do get a laugh out of me from time to time, I enjoy the humor that Doug brings to the group, even if it’s not intentional and just the way he is. 

Even from the beginning, Doug had me chuckling with the fact that this nerdy dude didn’t want to bring profanity to Lee’s ears when talking about Larry, so he’s just like “ He's kind of a dick... pardon my french,” like Doug.... it’s okay, you can call him an asshole, no one will judge hahaha.

Then there’s the biscuit scene that I think we all know and love. Helps break the tension of meeting these weirdo’s who own a dairy and are totally not suspicious or anything. 

But it’s not even just that Doug is funny, he’s also a character that gets you to crack a smile when he’s talking about something he’s passionate about, or when he’s proud of the alarm he rigged up, or when he’s being adorably awkward. 

One of my favorites is in ep3 when Lee goes to ask Doug if he has any chalk, and he goes into this spiel about charcoal-- “You know, a piece of charcoal is a suitable alternative, depending on your marking surface. Since we're on the subject, did you know that while chalk is traditionally known to be calcium carbonate, what's often used in classrooms is actually made of gypsum, thanks to favorable domestic mining conditions?”

And Lee’s response is just-- “Doug, I did not know that.”

“Happy to be of service.”

It’s just really funny... and it makes you feel better after all the implications about Doug’s mental health in the episode... like you gave him a moment to flex his knowledge and get excited about it. 

But yeah, what can I say? Doug makes me laugh and he brings a bit of light to the groups constant shitshow. 

4. Doug saved the group’s ass at the St John farm

And he did so with a laser pointer. 

I always hate it when Doug/Carley leave the group at the St Johns and remain absent for most of the episode, though I chalk that up to the writers trying to make the different routes easier on themselves, y’know? 

But, at least they come back to save the day. 

In Doug’s case, he’s not comfortable with guns like Carley is, so he’s gotta get creative when it comes to getting Lee’s attention and stopping Andy from hurting Duck and Lee. 

That’s where his fancy little laser pointer comes in. 

We first see him with it during the walk to the farm, but then see it in action after Lee escapes the barn and is nearly blinded by the light. Doug claims he was doing morse code before Lee tells him and Ben that these assholes cut off Mark’s legs and tried to feed them to the group. 

Now, here’s the thing... If Doug and Ben had done what they were told and stayed at the motor inn over night, things probably wouldn’t have turned out so good for the group. Doug is the one who shines the laser pointer in Andy’s eyes when he’s got ahold of Duck, giving Lee the advantage of attack. Without that, if Lee tried anything, he would’ve ended up like dingdong Kenny with a bullet in his side. 

Also there’s just a lot of bravery from Doug, y’know? Like as soon as he finds Lee and knows the situation, the first thing he asks is what can they do to help, and he sticks around to do what he can.... even if it is just to point a laser in someone’s eye. 

No one gives Doug enough credit for savin’ the day, y’know? And if you have any doubt, even Lee says, “I never thought a laser pointer would be the thing that saved our lives.”

3. Doug’s friendship with Lee

Speaking of Lee, his friendship with Doug is underrated. The two have chemistry and work off each other well in the scene’s they’re in. While it’s not as strong as Carley’s in ep1, saving Doug and having around in ep2 & ep3 lets you see it at it’s best, y’know? 

After Lee saves his life at the drugstore, Doug is shown to mourn Carley and asks Lee why he would pick him, lamenting that he wished he had picked her over him and you can tell that Doug feels that he owes Lee a lot for saving him. Hell, he even says as much when Lee tries to give him food in ep2-- “Why don't you keep my share today. I know I said it didn't matter why you saved me and not Carley, but... I owe you a lot more than half a day's rations."

Also, I love this one line from Kenny when you’re on bad terms with him and they’re talking about going separate ways where he’s basically like “We all know Doug’s gonna stay with you because you saved him that ONE time >:(” and on top of it being such a bitchy Kenny line, it also shows that every can see that Doug is a loyal friend to Lee and would want to stick with him where ever he decides to go. 

One thing that I think people tend to overlook, though, is how concerned Lee is with Doug’s mental health in ep3. There are implications that Doug might be suffering with depression due to the situation of the walkers, bandits harrassing and threatening them, and believing that he isn’t useful to the group, stating that he feel pretty worthless. Lee asks Clementine if he seems sad, and hell, he even talks to Lilly about it.

In fact, speaking of Clementine, Doug is real sweet with her, too. Of course, he gives her those batteries for her walkie, but he also asks about how she’s doing as they’re leaving the dairy. Hell, 8 years later, Clementine still remembers him by name and how sweet he was when fucking dingdong Lilly can’t remember his damn name. That says a lot. 

Y’all know how important Clementine is to Lee, so he wouldn’t have grown as close to Doug if he wasn’t a genuinely good person who treated Clementine with kindess. 

I dunno, there’s a lot of trust and care between the two and it’s a relationship that I truly love. I just wish we could’ve seen a bit more of it but y’know...#2 happened. 

2. Doug saved Ben’s life

Yeah, I think we all saw this coming...

Look, doesn’t matter what you think about Ben, okay? Not what we’re talkin’ about. We’re talkin’ about Doug saving Ben’s life, which unfortunately meant ending his own.

Still haven’t forgiven Lilly for this one. Though I’ve always found the difference between Doug and Carley’s death’s interesting. With Carley, Lilly intentionally kills her after Carley tells her off. But with Doug, Lilly was aiming for Ben and even when Doug pulled him out of the way, she still fired the gun... even though she didn’t have a clear shot and ended up hitting Doug. 

Then she tries to play it off like it was an accident which, yeah I guess it was but that doesn’t change that you were intending to murder this 6ft tall child. 

It’s just... I dunno, man, it’s sad. I always feel more sorrow for Doug’s death, but more anger for Carley’s? Even though both make me angry, it’s just different characters, different things that led to their deaths, different feelings. This is the first real “Fuck you, Lilly” moment for me and she can spend the next 8 years wandering around for all I can. 

Doug didn’t deserve this shit. 

But, the reason I put this at #2 because it really says a lot about Doug as a character. The second he saw Lilly aim that gun, he yanked Ben out of the way. He could’ve gone into shock, he could’ve just yelled “no!”, or he could’ve gone at Lilly instead.... but no, his first instinct was to grab Ben and move himself in front and it really fucking sucks that that’s what killed him. 

And y’know this isn’t the first time Doug has put himself in danger to save someone. I already talked about him saving everyone at the dairy, but can we not forget how he and Carley met? She was gonna get eaten by walkers then our big hero Doug came in and saved her?? Didn’t know her or anything, just saw her and her crew getting attacked and did what he could to save any survivors?? 

Like... no one talks about that because it’s so played off and never brought up again and I need everyone to remember this, okay? 

Doug selflessly putting himself in danger to help those around him? Fantastic. Beautiful. Love that.

1. Look, Doug himself is just #1. His personality, intelligence, everything.

Wow, Doug’s personality being the #1 reason he’s so great? Who woulda thought?

Well, ME woulda thought because obviously.

Listen... in case you haven’t gather this from the previous four entries, Doug is an intelligent, awkward, caring, selfless, funny, and brave man, okay? He’s likable, he tries his damnedest to pull his weight for the group, he shows actual loyalty and kindness unlike some people, and when he tends to avoid the constant Lilly and Kenny conflicts, he does his best to step in when things take a serious turn, hence the Ben situation. 

No to mention the dude is smart. 

I mean, he really took a random remote and was like, “Oh it’s universal, let me just program it to work on ALL the random TV’s across the street as a way to distract these walkers!” like dude.... you just know how to do that, huh? 

Or his fun little bell trap that alerts the groups of strangers and walkers? Oh, and remember when he fixed the RV by hitting it with a fucking hammer and was like “It works now, drive!” 

And have I mentioned that he bested Andy St John with a goddamn laser pointer?? 

Oh, also wanna add that I really like his voice acting, as well. He’s voiced by Sam Joan, who does a good job at selling Doug’s soft-spoken but intelligent nature, and knows how to pull off “dorky” when needed... and I mean that in a good way, when he’s talking about charcoal Doug is being a dork and I love him.

I mean... what else is there to say?

All that’s left to do is pull a Telltale and--

#SaveDoug

---

Honorable Mentions

-Doug is a pie guy, going off of that time he named all the different kinds of pie he could thing of and I feel that.  -He’s a very fashionable person. I want that weird polar bear deer thing shirt he wears in ep1.  -also, you can’t go wrong with socks and sandals, my dude.  -He had a crush on Carley and honestly, I feel that, too. 

---

There it is, there’s my whole thing about Doug. What are your thoughts? When it comes to that choice in ep1 of s1, do you save Doug or do you save Carley? Do you agree or disagree with any of my choices for this list? Or have anything to add? I’m always down to chat.

Have any suggestions for future T5F’s? Feel free to send ‘em in! :D

—

Next week’s T5F

[hobie-brown]

autistic (modern) hiccup hcs because I'm autistic and I said so:

- he sits on the floor more often than at any tables because uh hello his cat Toothless sits with him so immediate win but also like sometimes tables are so distressing so Floor Time it is. Rapunzel does not have any qualms about joining him, and Merida and Jack are always lovingly amused when they see it happening.

-he has a pair of noise cancelling headphones that Gobber got him after he witnessed Hiccup's minute distress among his fellow Berkians. Hiccup loves his friends so much but god can the twins and Snotlout get LOUD sometimes, especially in crowded places like mess halls where hes already at risk of being overwhelmed. I imagine Snotlout would be a little butthurt the first time Hiccup puts them on around him but Astrid would thoroughly make sure he understands that its not an "about you" kind of situation.

-On that note, Astrid is also autistic. Her and Hiccup might set off each others sensory issues a lot but there's no ill will there(maybe a little initially but...). ND sees ND. Respect. Astrid would be relatively better at masking than Hiccup and have struggle indicating tone/intent, so she'll 'clarify' things that go over his head but not in that hand-holdy or condescending way non-autistics tend to do. She's just incredibly blunt and that's well matched for Hiccup.

-Fishlegs(third autistic in the friend group) and him have a kindred brotherhood of infodumping to each other at all times. Theyll start a conversation with "okay, SO" and still be talking about the intricacies of so and so obscure fantasy novel's worldbuilding for boat mechanics two hours later. Not even like how it relates to the story, JUST the worldbuilding of boat mechanics. Their convos can get so specific that everyone else involved is lost but their passion is admirable. Hiccup and Fishlegs trade interests back and forth like hot potatoe because they get so very enthusiastic to share with each other.

-Touch repulsion thy name is Hiccup. Even though his love language is also touch(Nightmare!!) He's particularly uncomfortable with people touching his hands or his back so I like to think he's partial to thick vests and riding gloves for that reason. The layers can block out most of the discomfort and he finds other unique ways around his affection predicament. Generally the only people allowed to touch Hiccup without asking first are Astrid(who doesnt do it often to begin with), Rapunzel(like.... who can deny her very good bear hugs? plus shes very good at reading boundaries), and Gobber(this feels self-explanatory but it probably isn't.) And Toothless but he doesn't count. It's easier for him to reach out to other people when he sets the level of contact as opposed to vice versa.

-He had that dragon mythos popup book when he was a kid and it stuck so dragons are his longest and most withstanding special interest. He's constantly fascinated by how cultures from other sides of the world, completely separate from one another, managed to come up with similar folktales and creatures. He's just so in love with the concept. He even has multiple sketchbooks filled back to back with sketches of them. And doesnt even consider himself much the artist type, that boy there just really loves dragons. (He refuses to admit he named his cat after his dragon OC he made when he was 11 but I mean if you know Hiccup you know this. It's a basic fact of life)

He also loves lizards and most cold-blooded pets because they're basically dragons already(Merida has a stockpile of photos of komodo dragons she found online that she'll send to him when she knows hes not feeling well.) Their scales are very good for touch and they're such calm and relatively friendly lads that I think Hiccup would be naturally drawn to them. He would probably die for Pascal. Rapunzel declared Hiccup the godfather of her gecko once, jokingly, and he got so happy he cried.

Other long-running hyperfixations I think he'd have are dinosaurs(Reasoning: basically real life dragons just extinct. He's seen every land before time movie 10x over), map-making, D&D/Tabletop games in general, and invention in broad categories. Most of his fixations are spurred on by doing research on the history of said interest.

He happy stims less with wide arm movements(he talks with his hands a lot but not stims with them. important difference? not at all, I just like projecting) but more by like, tapping his feet in place or bouncing. When hes especially excited or overjoyed he dances!!! It is rare but it is a great sight. His more common/catch-all stims are chewing on all his sketching pens, biting his finger nails, ruffling his own hair, hooking his fingers on his earlobe, and the leg bounce.

Personally I can see him really liking the sensory feel of long hair, combing his hands through it and all that. When he was a little kid he loved giving Stoick's beard awful little viking braids. Tuffnut, Ruffnut, and Rapunzel(And sometimes Eugene, when it's long enough) will frequently let him braid theirs because hes good at it! Merida does not fuck with braids or ponytails or any of that, but he's free to play with her hair since, hey, its Hiccup, and hes very careful not to tangle her curls or ever tug. He also ruffles Jack's hair a lot because his spikes are gravity defying and it makes Hiccup snort.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

99 Problems (Favored Ones, Part 8.)

Series description: Many things were surely fucked up in the year 2038, but no-one ever told anyone how all of it went down. What happened before a group of people left for Seattle to handle personal matters? Why did one girl refuse to leave all of it be? And why there were so many dead in the end?

Part Summary: Waking up after a perfect night always seems to be so rough. What should you think? What should tell? And how the fuck were you supposed to behave in front of the man... And the others?

A/N: Oh no, we’re in the part when we’re finally starting the countdown until Abby arrives in town. And the song is about the aftermath of the nasty fucking things you and Joel were doing. 99 Problems inspired the first half of the chapter and a song named Hell and You (by Amigo the Devil) had inspired the rest.

Warnings: None other than half of the characters being confused as usual and smut at the end.

Word count: 5.6 K

Tagging:  @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme​ @peakymarvels​ @davnwillcome​ @pickleriiick​ @jodiereedus22​ @gladiosamicitias​ @tamkashi​ @eternallyvenus​ @avengerssstuff​ @fangirl-inthe-us

Series master list: H E R E

Joel Miller’s playlist for the bonfire occasions: H E R E

Fall of 2037, five months before the incident:

In the morning, it was barely morning, your eyes just shot open. The night was still behind the windows, the light was slowly lurking in. Jesus, you couldn't tell what is hurting more - if it was your goddamn head or your fucking thighs. Just when you were about to climb from the bed you realized, that it isn't your house and that someone has their hand over your waist.

Oh, Lord. Slowly, the things which happened last night... All the words which were said and all the things that were done... Were coming to your head and suddenly, you could see each moment vividly. You've done it. You've fucked with Joel Miller. Joel was still sleeping pretty deeply, which made you act fact - withing few minutes, you were all dressed up and sneaking out of the house to run to your home.

Sure, you've fantasized about having him exactly as you had him, yet the realization was making you dizzy and ashamed, to be honest. He still was Ellie's dad, for fuck's sake. If she would get to know... Fuck you then, you were a dead man for her. The funniest part was yet to come. Sure, lessons with Joel were far gone because of the fucking weather, just like the classes, but the patrol you were about to have with Ellie was about to be interesting. The things you were doing with Joel felt completely right, you wouldn't have it any other way, but in the perspective of the situation around it? Jesus.

You were asking yourself questions the whole time you were packing your things for the patrol - how you and Joel were planning to make this fuckery work anyway? You'd always come late in the night, leaving when everything's done or early in the morning so no-one would see you? How would you know that you can come to him that day? You'll just knock on his door, asking 'Joel, wassup? Wanna hook up today?'. Yeah, sure, you could see yourself asking him. And most importantly, what if it was just the result of all these emotions brewing and going boom inside of you? What if he wouldn't want to do that emotionally sober? There was this one question going through your head quite a lot: what the fuck have you done?

On the other hand, when the man woke up just minutes after you left, he shouldn't be surprised to find the house empty - but it still caught him off-guard. So, were you trying to tell him something with disappearing into the thin air without a word, a note, anything, weren't you? Well, it was an experiment which went exactly as he assumed - you weren't into someone like him. You were too young and you thought that you were sure about wanting him, just to realize that it was a mistake. So much for not being alone, at least in some way, right?  

But it made him think about some things Joel already thought are buried deep inside of him. Those demons which he hadn't heard of in years. He didn't hear these inside his head ever since he and Ellie moved into Jackson. These thoughts were concerning Tess. And a lot about her. It was no mystery that he and she had something together. It was just because of the physical release, sure, but it was something. It started one night, it came out of nowhere. They were already partners at the time, this was just a friendly help as Tess would say. But truth be told, Joel never believed anyone enough after Tess to end up in bed with them.

You were the first one in five years. The first one to even show some interest in him. And the first one who didn't seem to be enough of a bitch to stab him in the back. Well, these things happen and it didn't exactly go according to the plan.

It was strange to meet you in the city almost every other day. Sometimes, you were there with Ellie, sometimes with other friends. And you never spared him a look, you never stopped for a few words just like he always did before. When meetings were happening, you made sure that you sit somewhere where he couldn't see you, so it wouldn't be possible to make any kind od eye-contact with you. You felt scared just because of the though Joel speaking to you. The whole of September went like that. And when November had started, the tension felt so strong that even others had noticed.

"I thought that you and Joel are on the good note now." - Ellie asked one night when you stopped by to play some video games and to have a sleepover after a busy week when you were shifted to help with the animals. Both of you were dressed in old, comfy sweats and drank some beer while playing Ellie was winning since she had the damn console at home, but you had a ton of fun nonetheless. Well, until this question.

"What?" - You asked with a chuckle, opening a package of sweets you got from Seth. It was something called donuts or so and it was fucking delicious.

"Nothing. He just looks so fucking butthurt when you're around, I just noticed yesterday. Tommy was trying to talk to him when you were sitting ar the next table - I wouldn't think it's you, but then he looked over to you and he got even more heated up. As if he was angry with you or some shit. What's that about?" - Okay, it wasn't the time to panic now, it was time for you to make something up. You were good at that, your small lies saved you and Ellie quite a few times. So now it was your time to lie to Ellie directly.

"Oh, oh yeah, that." - You nodded when you pretended that you suddenly realized. You had to pretend it wasn't even that important to you - and you were one of a good actor when it came to that. - "Yeah, we had some disagreements about my hunting lessons, so I told him some nasty things." - You rolled your eyes at the memory, secretly thinking about all of the nasty things you've done to him for real. For a moment, Ellie was laying there and looking at you, as if she was not really convinced that's the case - but suddenly, she started laughing. The sound of her laughter made you finally breathe out. She believed you.

"He can be an asshole when people ain't doing the things he wants them to do. I know... But still. I think I'm slowly getting behind the anger I felt for him. You know what I mean?" - She asked, suddenly being all vulnerable again. No-one in Jackson was able to see her the ways you did - she was blushing quite a lot around you. She never wore hair down in public - she always wore it down around you.

Maybe you've done the right thing with running away? He was right - it could damage and maybe even destroy a lot of relationships for you to only have occasional fun. Jesus, why was too hard to tell if you acted right even when you were just looking back on the situation? You were still into him, no matter how hard you tried to be into someone else. You spent a shit ton of time with Diego in the last month and as you expected, he was probably having something for you.

But every time he smiled at you, held your door, or told you a joke, you asked yourself - holy shit, why isn't Joel standing in front of me? Every time the man walked around you, your breath hitched when you remembered the pleasure time with him could bring. Every time Joel spoke at any kind of meeting, which happened rarely, you got lost in his voice and that Texas accent. What a slut you were. But what was done was done - and you couldn't just walk up to the man and kiss him after ignoring him for a month. In theory, you perfectly could, but what good would that bring?

"That's awesome. How you plan on doing that?" - You asked a bit uncomfortably, gulping one piece of the donut as you lounged back next to her. She leaned the back of her head on your thigh, opening her lips so you could feed her. At that, you smiled.

"I don't know yet." - She hummed thought the food, gulping it down. - "I think I'll just take some more time and... I will do the only thing I can. Go there, ask him to listen and talk." - Ellie closed her eyes for a moment. - "Man, do you know how fucking nervous I am about this? You're the only one who knows. If you'll going to tell it this information someone, you're waking up in the snow on one winter day."

"Really? I thought you're telling me and Dina the same amount of information?" - An answer came out of you as your eyes followed the girl who was turning off the console to play you both some movie to fall asleep during. When the first sigh came out of her, you knew something has gone bad. - "When did you two had the time to argue?"

"Well." - Ellie started, letting the opening of the movie roll. You didn't care about the fucking movie, you were staring at Ellie. - "The things are kinda on thin ice now. You remember when I told you I like someone?" - Ellie chuckled uncomfortably. You put five and five together immediately. She was looking down and suddenly, her face was red as a strawberry. No way in fucking hell. You remembered her relationship with Kat going to hell suddenly, but Dina? Holy fuck, that was a new level for you. It was still less scary than what you were doing with Joel, but it rose your eyebrows with surprise.

"You weren't talking about me?" - You tried to joke, but it wasn't appreciated at all at the moment.

"And I think she knows and something is happening between her and Jesse now, and we talked about some stuff, and now we're not talking." - Ellie told you in as few words as she could. Quietly, you sighed and laid down next to her, snuggling to her to watch the movie. You probably missed all of that because your head was all wrapped up around Joel all the time when you tried to figure out how to cross him out and forget that one night at his house. Great. You missed your best friends arguing because of the relationships. What a fucking friend you indeed were. You had to do something about that.

So the following morning, you did just that. As usual, you found Dina and Jesse together. They were just having breakfast - so you told Jesse to get up from the fucking table and leave because you and Dina were about to talk about girly stuff. Which wasn't weird at all, since you and Jesse never went easy at each other. That was why you loved the boy just as much as you did. - "What was that for? You're really off the rails today. Is it supposed to make me attracted to you?" - Dina asked playfully, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Come the fuck on, you're already into me so much you don't know what to do with it." - You answered and watched her moving her plate of veggies in front of you.

"True dat. You're angry and food always helps you when you're angry." - Dina leaned her cheek into her palm, smiling at you carefully. Yeah. Since you've spent most of the time in your workshop, gone on patrols, and with trying to take your mind off of Joel, you hadn't time to have breakfast with Dina and Ellie. And you missed it pretty bad.

"I'm not angry." - You pointed out, but stopped Dina from taking the damn plate back nonetheless, having the girl chuckle again. - "But I'm just concerned about you and Ellie. She told me a bit yesterday..." - You rose your eyebrows. Dina sighed at that, leaning her back into the chair below her. Watching you stuffing your cheeks with the food, she smiled again but didn't comment on it, since she was aware you'd tell her to fuck off as well.

"I don't know what's going on inside her now. She hasn't spoken to me in a week, she didn't even say a damned hi or acknowledged me. I told her that Jesse and I are having some... Problems now and she went all coo-coo, I haven't ever seen her like that before. She told you what was that about?" - Dina leaned her head closer to her shoulder, looking at you innocently.

Well, you had your theories, but Ellie hadn't told you officially what was happening, so all you could do was to shake your head. Dina scoffed at that, mumbling something very similar to an unbelievable 'of course she didn't'. Other than this small bit, once you allowed Jesse to join the breakfast again, it was a fun morning. As usual, you and the boy didn't hold a single comment back, making Dina laugh throughout the whole time.

It was your time to help Tommy with some things around Jackson and the patrols around it, but it was quite fun if you had to say. Tommy was a lovely guy - and ever since he stuck with you after Eve had passed away, you were looking up to him even more. And you're also screwing his brother, you slut, you told to yourself. This particular piece of information made your eyes widen. Jesus, where did that come from? Ever since this thing popping inside your head, you really couldn't think about anything else - not even Tommy's jokes made you laugh.

To have everything fucked by the evening, there was another meeting about the patrols - which was exactly what you needed, right? Another evening to strategize about sitting somewhere where Joel couldn't see. But what needed to be done, that needed to be done - especially when this meeting was supposed to assign groups for the coming up winter and spring.

It came off as expected - Tommy paired himself with Joel mostly, you had Ellie by your side, Dina and Jesse were together and Diego was assigned to Maria. There were occasions where you and Ellie would pick a kid from the patrol group. showing them what to do, but so far so good - this winter seemed to be cool. In the middle of the meeting, just when Tommy was talking about some shit that wasn't concerning you, again, you kinda turned your brain off and let your eyes just wander around the fucking room. Which you obviously shouldn't do.

Joel was just listening to his baby brother talking about stuff, leaning his ass to one of the tables as he drank his coffee. He wasn't listening from the moment Tommy grouped himself with Joel again. It didn't seem that you're hiding so far in the back that evening. You were sitting there, obviously, you weren't paying attention to Tommy for a long time. Your eyes were wandering around the room until the point they fell on him. For a moment, you were just staring at him and you probably didn't even realize you were. But it was bloody funny once you realized who you were looking at - immediately, you shifted your attention to Tommy. Nervously biting your lip this time. Wait a minute...

Joel did expect a lot from you - a look of disgust, aversion maybe, some confusion or anger... But you were just visibly nervous. Joel was purposely searching for some negative emotion in your face, for any red flag showing him you don't wanna even see him again, yet he didn't find any. That was the breaking point - he caught up with you as soon as the meeting ended, taking you aside to ask you some stuff which you two hadn't quite solved. And to solve it properly this time - already knowing how will he mess all of it up from the moment you agreed to talk to him.

You were one hella nervous-looking girl. Maybe it was that you were sobber, but your eyes were all over the place and you were playing with the hem of your shirt. - "Why we ain't talkin', girl? Did I mess somethin' up?" - The man whispered as you both stood on the other side of the street, talking rather quietly. It would be embarrassing if someone would hear even the slightest bit of your conversation.

This whole thing was confusing the shit out of you. With him being distant, possibly even cold to you, the whole month you didn't come to ask him if he liked it, it was hard to believe that he liked it. And that Joel maybe wanted to repeat it. And not once. This solution didn't come across as an answer for you, which was why you were looking at him as if you couldn't even speak proper English.

"No? How... Why... Why do you even think you've done something wrong?" - You whispered back, stepping more into the shadows. Jesus, you didn't remember missing his smell until the very moment you sniffed it again. You didn't remember how easy was to get aroused around him. You didn't know you missed these darkened eyes watching you, or the confident smirk on his face.

"Well, I woke up and you were nowhere to be seen. Quite easy to make somethin' outta that." - Joel sighed, looking around. There was one group standing a bit away from you, probably thinking about sneaking out of the city that night again.

"It... It wasn't like that." - A mumble left your lips as you watched the tips of your boots. - "I panicked, okay? I sobered up and I just thought that you might not like it as much as I did, and all the things you've told me before it happened... It was a lot." - You apologized, at least sorta apologized, Joel for your behavior. The man nodded and licked his lips - you almost missed the smug that appeared on his face. - "I couldn't even imagine how would it work, how..."

"And if I tell you to come today so I can show you how much of a torture it was for me?" - Joel asked you out of the blue, looking somewhere away from you. That made your breath hitch and eyes widen. You'd love that. You would. Yet it made you so nervous that you almost ignored a newcomer completely. It was Diego, who was visibly confused by seeing you and Joel talk in the shadows.

"Am I interrupting something?" - The black-haired boy looked at Joel, pointing at you with a wide smile. It could be seen that you're distant - it was because you had the imagination of you and Joel on your mind, both naked, inside his bedroom. Which was exciting. - "Not at all, son. What do you need?" - Joel grinned at him, trying how much fucked up he can get you before getting you into his bed.

"Um, it's kinda weird to talk about it in front of you, sir." - Diego chuckled, clearly respecting everything about that man. That poor boy was just about to ask you out, after the damned month he was building up the courage to do that. And just a moment after the man haunting your head asked you to come later that day.

"I won't tell a livin' soul, I swear." - Joel grinned at the boy. You were just standing there, already aroused from the damned question Joel asked you teasingly and now, he was pretty much enjoying seeing you in such a state. What a motherfucker.

"We're... I mean, me and a few other kids, are about to go for the last swim of the summer... And I was wondering if you'd like to go with me... I mean, us, of course." - The boy got out so silently that you could barely catch what he was asking about. When you realized, your eyes popped up.

The pressure was building inside you fast enough for you breath hitching for a second, while you had your cheeks on fire. You shot a look to Joel, who already knew your answer, and that motherfucker was just grinning. Then you turned your head back to Diego, making a sad face.

"I'm really tired to do that. I have to help in the kitchen tomorrow, so I'll be busy... I want to catch some sleep." - Your palm smoothed Diego's shoulder gently so he'd know you mean it. You were helping in the kitchen the following morning, so that wasn't a complete lie. But you were more than awake at that moment.

The boy seemed to be surprised you turned him down. He thought that you and he were building something since fall had started. You were together a lot, almost all the time, he was making you relaxed and laughing, he thought about kissing you many times as well. Maybe, he should've gone for it instead of just thinking about it. He was sure you'll come with them. But you told him no.

"Oh, sure. No problem. See you around then, I gotta go." - The boy gave you an honest smile and nodded to Joel as he was leaving slowly. His face was still saddened tho. - "Have fun, tho!" - You called out at the boy, feeling a palm creeping up your thigh even though Diego still had a clear view of you, and then a palm holding your ass pretty firmly. It was done in such a manner that Diego couldn't see a thing, yet you could feel Joel perfectly.

"What is this supposed to," - "Meet me at my place in twenty, 'kay?" - The man breathed out, already feeling himself hardening due to that small contact. After that, the palm slowly slapped you as he left you just standing there.

Confusion took hold on you once again. At least, it was a euphoric confusion this time. He liked it. He liked the night he spent with you. Joel Miller wanted to see you again, more like demanded it. His back were slowly disappearing out of your sight as you stood there with your panic mode turned on.

20 minutes was all he gave you. It was merely enough to take some seductive underwear on unless you'd make a run for it. So you ran for that shit to your home. And you almost hit Ellie with your shoulder when you just started sprinting.

She caught your shoulders to prevent you from falling, looking you in the eyes. She hasn't seen you in such a rush - never. You seemed like you can't keep your mind straight. - "What is wrong with you, baby?" - Ellie started to laugh, having Dina chuckle at you as well.

A good sign was that they both been talking before you almost killed Ellie singlehandedly. Their friendship seemed to be saved, which was great. But it wasn't concerning you in the slightest bit at the moment.

"I left my iron on. I need to turn it on right now!" - You yelled chaotically, already running off. Jesse was confusedly watching both Dina and Ellie starting to laugh. - "Why is that so funny?" - The boy asked when he circled his hand around Dina's shoulder and kissing her forehead right after.

Ellie wiped the tears away, shaking her head at the sight of you disappearing in the night. - "This girl had never ironed clothes in her life." - "Never before." - Dina finished, laughing with Ellie.

"She's probably going with Diego and other kids, they're sneaking out of the town." - Jesse assumed. That made sense. You've been always ready to do random bullshit, so going out of a midnight swim? That was you.

Well... Only if the things weren't completely different...

In record fifteen minutes, you found yourself creeping through Joel's neighborhood to see if anyone's out before knocking on the door.

He had enough time to prepare you at least a beer like a gift or something, but he chuckled at the things your behavior was saying about the things you had on your mind was enough.

"Come in, suit yourself." - Joel stepped aside, smiling at the sight of you. You were so damn cute with that small grin. You were also wearing a different t-shirt - this one wasn't yours since it was too tight and showed a good portion of your cleavage. He had never seen you wearing this one.

"Are you trying to support my alcoholism? A gentleman at his best, huh?" - You grinned upon seeing the beer served on the countertop.

"That wouldn't be too responsible, would it?" - Joel answered you, but took the second beer and toasted you before taking a good long swing. You did so too, gently meeting his bottle halfway. - "Is anything of this responsible, Joel?"

You were there again, doing exactly what you wished for and what you've told you're not ever doing again. It was strangely exciting. Honestly, you were wet beyond your wildest dreams and you could already feel the blood inside you boiling. It was quite exciting to stand there for a moment, watching each other. You almost felt as if Joel was too far away from you. With that, you put the bottle down, coming that one step closer to him. Gently, you tiptoed and put your palm on the nape of his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. This man's palms were exploring the entirety of your back thighs and ass.

How comes you haven't noticed how long his fingers were before? And how firmly he could squeeze things with them? You thought that you're maybe about to fuck on the countertop, but a hiss came directly to your ear. - "Come on, girl, take off these shoes for me."

Directly after that, he gave your ass one good slap, making you chuckle. But soon, as you saw that smile, you did what he had told you. The whole way to stairs up, you both leaned away for a while to take off another article clothes before leaning in for another heated kiss. By the time you were walking into the bedroom, you were only in your panties, while Joel stopped you before taking off his t-shirt, so you took the briefs instead. And lemme say, he was prepared to take you right there and then, but he didn't do that.

You were very confused once he laid down on his back. You smiled when you figured out that most probably, he wants you to ride him one more time, so you climbed to sit on his lap, biting your lip.

"I figured out you like it on the top, girl. You up?" - He chuckled when you palmed the shaft down there while Joel closed his eyes, smoothing both your thighs gently. It was quite fun to watch him react to the things you were doing - you hadn't seen a boy doing any soft pants under your touch. Joel even went to far to let out gentle groans sometimes. - "Jesus, get these off for me and climb 'ere." - The man looked at you, patting his stomach. You grinned as you pushed the panties away, wondering about why wants you on his belly. But you did as you were told.

"Good try, try it a bit higher." - The man chuckled at seeing you clueless. With even weirder expression, you climbed higher, now hugging his shoulders with your inner thighs. What the fuck was that for? You could feel his forearms circling your thighs, suddenly pushing you forward so aggressively that you had to put your elbows under you so you wouldn't fall on the mattress. Sure, you've been eaten out before, but it wasn't such a miracle everyone was talking about. On top of that, you were always laying on your side while the guys were usually kneeling in front of the bed.

You looked down on Joel to see him staring at you being completely wet - so much you could start dripping at any second. And suddenly, you heard him chuckling under you. Which honestly got you confused. - "What's so funny, cowboy?" - You whispered before you felt the beard kissing your right inner thigh.

"Nothin'. I'm just impressed by the view." - The man answered just seconds before his tongue and lips disappeared between your legs. At that feeling, you closed your eyes and moaned. You weren't even caring about your volume at that moment, you were just moaning louder and louder so the man would know how much you're enjoying what he's doing. It took you by a surprise when he slapped you to get you lean into his face, but you rocked against him just as he expected as he thought you'd.

"Girl, be so kind and pick yourself on your knees for me, will you?" - You didn't even realize he had stopped until the moment he spoke to you. You were just too lost in the feeling. Was it the attraction that made it all so much more enjoyable? Or maybe the fact he knew what he was doing? You didn't know, but you kneeled on top of him, watching half of the handsome face being covered by your own body. - "Now, put your hand in my hair, come on." - The man encouraged you while smoothing small circles on your thighs. Jesus, you must've looked so dumb and unskilled. With a gentle sigh, you did as you were told.

"Show me how you want it." - The man whispered, kissing your inner thighs gently. To try it out, you pulled on his hair gently, making these eyes shot directly to your face at that moment. He was listening to what you were about to show or tell, it didn't matter. Carefully, you entwined your fingers inside that maybe-a-bit-too-long hair, picking his head up to put it back where it belonged. Suddenly, when you closed your eyes because of all the nice things he was doing, you realized that he wasn't talking to you in such a matter. He didn't like to make fun of you because he knew these things and you didn't.

You had the upper hand at the moment. You were the one in charge. You deliberately chose to do this with him, again, and this was his way of paying him back without talking. And he also wanted you to learn you these things one by one, one step at a time. When that clicked inside your brain, you carefully put your other hand into his hair, massaging his scalp in the process to show him how much you were into it.

"Just don't stop, Texas." - You whispered town to him and when he hummed back as an answer, you thought you're coming for a moment there. It sent vibrations through your whole body, making you moan once again. When you, again, though things can't get any better, you felt two fingers slipping inside of you. You thought it might hurt at first, but your eyes rolled as soon as he moved them inside of you. Not like the last time when he was just making sure you're ready. Joel was taking his fucking time that night.

Watching you was the most erotic thing he had ever seen - and Joel had seen some stuff before you, alrite? Through the time, you learned that you can ride his face, which made you mutter out his name here and there, then you bent your head and let out another erotic sound. His jaws were on fucking fire... But how could he stop? That was until you tugged his hair again, making him lay down again. Only his fingers pumping in and out remained inside of you.

"Just take me already, will you be so kind?" - You asked silently, climbing off of him. He couldn't quite even climb on his elbows properly and there you were, already tugging on his t-shirt to bring closer. But you weren't going to kiss his mouth, no. Which made the man surprised. Instead of that, you hissed a small trail on his neck while your palm slipped under his t-shirt, gently scratching his back. - "Look at her, she's a natural."  - Joel chuckled light-heartedly, pinning you down finally.

It was safe to say that neither of you lasted long, but there was nothing to wonder about. Letting the things gather inside for a month? Geez, nobody would go for hours after that. When Joel was trying to catch his breath, you pulled him close, letting him rest his head on your chest while unknowingly smoothing his hair. Which was probably his most favorite thing ever - the moments of vulnerability just moments after the act itself.

You were warm and fragile, something he had to protect. At least that what his head was thinking. In reality, he knew how good you were with a fucking bow since he learned you on his own, he had seen you survive some things... You weren't a small, fragile doll. - "I'm going for a shower, okay?" - You ended the small moment by kissing his forehead, leaving the bed. - "Will it be weird to borrow something? I kinda don't wanna go for the clothes, I'm too done for that." - You mumbled, trying to at least stand up. This man was capable of having your legs behaving like jello with the orgasms he could bring. He grunted, already throwing a t-shirt on you. - "Take your time, I’ll fetch somethin' to drink and the clothes, yea?" - He told you, already leaving the room, searching for his briefs in the process.

When you were done with the shower, the bedroom was prepared for you, your clothes folded on a small pile on the table, both beers standing on the nightstand. But Joel was sitting on the edge with Ellie's guitar, playing something. He was lost in the moment until you laid behind him, snuggling under the blanket. He almost put the guitar away, but your palm stopped him. - "Play something for me, Texas. Please?"

And he did. He remained playing until he noticed you're already asleep. And for the first time in a long time, Joel wasn't feeling alone.

[luxfurem]

@treppenwitzz​​ asked: i need all the deets about your bellatrix... ALSO ANJI i wanna know more about anji | MEME.

So... this ended up really long and therefore it’s under the cut! I sort of left out the “who they could get along with” part but I also feel like that really just depends on verses and such, so we can totally discuss that sometime  🥺🥺🥺

Bellatrix Lestrange

TW for mentions of alcohol, abuse, death and miscarriage

TROPES/ARCHETYPES: The Champion, Femme Fatale

Bellatrix is the very first muse that I officially wrote on indie, but also a muse that I’ve explored in the many group rps I’ve been in in the years before that. Because of that, she’s been through a lot of changing and tweaking over the years, but I like what I’ve got going for her now.

I’m absolutely a big fan of villain characters and I support the humanizing of them because in my mind, it is all the more terrifying that a villain could like the same things as you, could be like you, but be capable of such terrible things. I think it creates a frightening perspective that’s the quiet sort of terrifying, and it’s what I aim to do with Bella. I wanted to create a villainous woman who is powerful without being sorry for it.

I do want to stress that a villain doesn’t necessarily become worthy or deserving of pity or redemption because their story contains sad aspects. In the end, everyone encounters terrible and sad things in life, and it’s what you do with these experiences that matters. If you become bitter or vengeful, that is a decision, and the consequences of however you decide to treat the world after are not cancelled out because of the reason why you became this way.

On the one hand, she is this terrifyingly powerful witch who, despite her comparatively young age, climbed up the ranks of the death eaters to the position of lieutenant at Voldemort’s side, but on the other she is someone’s daughter, someone’s sister, someone’s wife. I wanted to explore how these two aspects of her story intertwine, or, in some cases, clash.

My Bella is a bit canon-divergent in that I absolutely refuse to write a woman who’s completely submissive to a man, especially one that doesn’t deserve it. Of course, I don’t want to stray too far from her original arc in that I still believe she’s absolutely starstruck by Voldemort, but she is more interested in his abilities, his mind and his cunning than she is in him as a partner. It’s a different kind of infatuation, where she isn’t all too sure if she wants him or wants to BE him. In time, she settles with neither, and becomes his champion, instead. She’s a knight under his banner, a soldier under his command.

Much of Bella’s arc comes down to a dominant woman living in a society that doesn’t like dominant women. Pureblood circles are catered to the pureblood man, whereas the woman’s job, much like in societies of previous eras, is to bear a husband's children to continue the pureblood line. It’s a crude and sexist thing, and Bella wants none of it. From a young age, she rebels against her father’s firm beliefs in the way things are supposed to be, and rebels against her mother’s attempts to “guide” her back to how she’s supposed to be. She’s the feral child with the holes in her dresses, the scrapes on her legs from climbing trees and running too fast. Her long hair always tangled and messy. She knows that as a girl in the Black family, the highest achievement would have been to become matriarch, but even that wasn’t ever going to be enough for Bella.

When her mother dies, about two years after the birth of Narcissa, the matriarch of the Black family, Walburga, takes over the role for a short amount of time while her father drinks his grief away. After Sirius is born, however, even this steadiness falls away, as their aunt spends her full time caring for him and the second son, Regulus, born a year after. This leaves Bella to assume responsibility for her sisters at the age of 8. Her fights with her father, their temperaments going head to head resulting in situations I don’t really care to divulge about.

Once accepted into Hogwarts is where things start to divert. From one day to the next, her previously always messy hair is neatly combed back into a braid. Her clothes are pristine, not a spot in sight, and her sharp commentary is kept to a minimum. To all those around her, it seemed she had finally heeded her mother’s wishes, and embraced her place in society. But to those who knew her well enough, to her sisters and to her cousins, there was a stubborn fire burning behind those crow-black eyes, burning higher and brighter the more time passed. It was only a matter of time until the fire either consumed her, or consumed those around her.

It was at the age of 17, during her last year at Hogwarts, that Bellatrix was introduced to the Dark Lord. She’d seen him before, of course, but the Black family had stoically kept their stance on the matter of his campaign neutral, although this wouldn’t last. Her fiance-to-be, Rodolphus, who was a few years her senior, had already joined the ranks, and Voldemort’s actions could no longer be brushed off as a mere whim by the family. And Bella, who desired more than the life of a housewife, saw this as an opportunity to lift herself up.

I want to stress that I, as both a Tom Riddle and Bellatrix writer, don’t think their dynamic was of a romantic or lustful nature at all at this point in time, if ever. Voldemort saw the fire and the potential, and decided that he wanted both of these things for himself, for his ranks. She exceeded expectations and he decided that, if anyone was worthy to be his student, it was her. Over the course of the next two years, he trained her in the dark arts, eventually revealing her, at the age of nineteen, to be his new lieutenant. This was met with some resistance, of course. but Bella was quick to silence that. After all, she had risen above her station, and it had taken effort. She was not about to lose that to a bunch of butthurt men.

It’s also around this time that she marries Rodolphus, whom she puts through the ringer for months before and even post-marriage. She hated the idea of being passed from one man (her father) to another (her husband), as if she is nothing more than a possession. The marriage was arranged, and this bothered her, too, considering her lack of choice in the matter. And because she couldn’t exactly fight her father on it, she fought Rodolphus instead. On every turn, hoping he would be turned off and cancel it. After all, a man’s voice, even if he was only an heir, and not patriarch, still sounded louder than a woman’s voice ever would. But it only seemed to invigorate him, pulling closer the more she pushed. As if he were attracted to the fire, wanted to scorch himself just to stand in the light. He never forced her and he never would, even as she refused to let him into their marriage bed for months, even as she taunted him and ridiculed him. The marriage, in time, seemed to grant her a certain freedom that she never had as a daughter of house Black. She could go where she pleased, do as she pleased, pursue her position among the death eaters as she wanted to. She lost her wariness towards him, her anger. And eventually, she learned to love him.

Bellatrix used to be closest to her sister Andromeda. The two of them were, for a long time, practically inseparable, two halves of a whole. It was as if they should have been twins, and what one lacked, the other would possess. Where one went, you could soon expect the other to be. That was, of course, until Andromeda defected. When she did, Bella’s whole world collapsed. Her castle was captured from the inside, by sadness, by grief and by anger at the deceit. Because Andromeda hadn’t chosen her. Had chosen a “filthy mudblood” instead of her own sister, who had always cared for her, always been there for her. If Bella had had a mean streak, before, it was now full blown, a riptide that would destroy everything and everyone that didn’t get out of her way. She was devastated by the loss, and would never quite recover from it. This event had a huge impact on her view on muggleborns. Whereas before she allowed herself a certain tolerance, where she still viewed herself as holier than but limited her disdain to snooty looks and haughty comments, she now was actively hostile, threatening and garnering a reputation among the ranks of the death eaters for her ruthless, cruel actions.

During her marriage, Bella was pregnant exactly 4 times, but all 4 pregnancies ended up miscarriages fairly early on. It’s my belief that her problems stem from the inbreeding within the family and the English pureblood society in general. Contrary to her other beliefs on the woman in pureblood society, she was interested in being a mother and had the motherly instinct to go with it. Her not being capable of bearing children left her feeling devastated and hardened her heart. In AUs where she does have children, whether of her own or adopted, she develops a sort of caution, a knowledge that she isn’t just responsible for herself, but for this child as well. In these AUs, it keeps her out of Azkaban.

Speaking of Azkaban, I usually don’t write about her time there or really post-Azkaban, and this is mostly because I hate the narrative that she’s “crazy”, and I think it’s harmful towards people who have mental health problems. I believe, due to how Azkaban’s dementors suck the happiness out of people and how Azkaban looks like hell on earth, she suffers from a form of PTSD, but she is not “crazy”.

A few loose facts about her:

is bisexual but leans towards men

loves to write poetry, but she never shows it to anyone.

has a very low tolerance for alcohol and barely drinks.

loves coffee and can’t function without drinking it every morning

is obsessed with taking care of her hair. It’s long and dark and very well-maintained

loves to wear red lipstick

forced herself to learn to use her wand with both her left and her right hand

Anji Terryll

TROPES/ARCHETYPES: The Antihero, The Living Legend, The Reluctant Hero

Anji is actually one of my older muses, who doesn’t see the light of day often because I suppose the Skyrim fandom is sort of dead. On top of that, she’s a female oc. i don’t think i’ll need to explain this. Regardless of that and the lack of information I’ve put online about her ( which I actually seek to remedy by writing this ), she’s a quiet favorite who will never disappear from my roster.

I wanted to create a person who fate had been thrusted upon unwillingly. I wanted to create a woman who had never planned to do anything that didn’t benefit herself in life. Anji’s early life consisted of what was barely a life at the orphanage in Riften, where she watched the Thieves Guild lift jewelry from a man’s pocket with the man none the wiser. She never entertained the idea of being an honest worker, because she’d seen how the jarl treated honest workers. Of course, she knew that if she were to be caught thieving, the storm she’d call over herself would be worse, but that was only if she was going to be caught.

So she got herself into the Thieves’ Guild, worked her way up the ranks to Guild Master, before, near the border, she was caught stealing a horse and shipped off to Helgen, where the main story begins.

Anji is, from the start, reluctant about her supposed fate. She never believed in prophecies and rarely in Gods and now, everything was real, everything was true. And she was the main character of a legend. Thrust into a role she doesn’t think fit her. She isn’t who these people deserve, a thieving woman who serves only her own benefit. The people deserved a selfless knight, advocating for the survival of mankind, believing so wholly in oneself that they could overcome a legendary monster like Alduin the World-Eater. Someone who isn’t her. So she rejects her abilities, rejects her destiny, and pretends for months that she isn’t the one the Greybeards are calling from the Throat of the World.

And for a time, it works. For a time she can focus on the physical gain, the money she earns, the reputation. But in the back of her mind, the knowledge scratches at the door she keeps it behind. She sees the destruction the dragons are causing all over Skyrim, the terror of the people. The loss of morale. She tells herself that she decides to see what these Greybeards have to say, if only to tell them they’ll need to find someone else.

But she comes to learn that there is no one else. There is only her and her bow, and her lack of morale, against an ancient dragon.

Anji is the Reluctant Hero, the Unlikely Hero, not the woman you’d expect when one mentions the Dovahkiin. She’s slight and flighty, quick as a whip with her twin blades, relying on speed above strength. She prefers sneaking through the shadows instead of fighting her way through boldly and openly, and she never starts fights she can’t win. This doesn’t mean she won’t kill, and doesn’t mean she won’t use her powers, even for personal gain. She enjoys the power of the Voice and, as lore suggests, overtime grows more and more powerful (think: her voice can at some point burn the ice off a mountain), but she hates the responsibility that comes with it and will never fully accept it. She’s practical and quick-witted, more on the serious side of the spectrum, although she possesses a funny streak that only shows up in intimate settings ( think: close friends/guild/lovers ) or when she’s completely drunk. She observes each angle of a job or mission before proceeding, wanting to be ahead of each trap she might run into.

A few loose facts about her:

is bisexual but leans towards women

has absolutely no interest in bearing children, adopting is fine though

favors her bow over her twin blades

carries two daggers in each boot

In some verses she can be a werewolf for absolutely no other reason other than that i can

in modern verses she owns a martial arts school

Play smart not hard

[ssixa]

CHANCE ENCOUNTER//MARK TUAN X Y/N

Description: Walking into the night shift at the hospital proves to keep you on your toes. Nights are left to the universe so you can only hope that tonight will be decent. What happens when you find out that one of your patients is THE Mark Tuan from GOT7? how do you try to deal with the chaos erupting from this chance encounter? and how many times do you have to tell yourself that you love your job?

Genre: fluff, slight cringe

Pairing: Black Fem Reader x Mark Tuan (though I will say there isn’t much description of black characteristics)

Word count: 3.5K

Warning: explicit language

A/n: yay finally a long chapter! glad y’all are enjoying this story! The collage sucks for this one, but it was a struggle lol.

*All pic collages are made by me unless I state otherwise. Individual pictures in the collage are not mine and I give credit to where credit is due.

Chapter Six

~Months Later~

I can’t believe the tour has already kicked off! Especially it being a world tour, the poor boys are going to be so excited and yet exhausted. 

“Yo bitch, whatcha doin this weekend?” I text my best friend y/f/n

“Nothin, probs just going to the bar. Wassup?” She replied 

“Guess who scored us some tickets to a very specific concert that we couldn’t get tickets for?” I send with a smirk

“Biittchhhh you dddiiiddnn’ttttt”

“Bbbiiittcchhhh I dddiiiddd” 

“How the hell did you get Got7 tickets when they’re sold out...what organs did you sell?” She questioned suddenly 

“Let’s just say I met a trustworthy person who was selling them for cheap” I reply not wanting to ruin the surprise

“Fuck it, I don’t want to know, just tell me how much they are later” she sends

“Np” 

“Also we better take some cute ass pics when we’re there, but then again, when do we ever not take cute ass pics” I send 

“Bitch you best believe I’ll look cute, don’t you worry” 

I put my phone away after scrolling through my social medias out of boredom. This weekend can’t come fast enough honestly. Just gotta make it through the work week at my other job. Yet again so many Karen’s coming in and doing what Karen’s do, men fully disregarding what I’m saying because I’m a young black woman; so on and so forth. The week was more busy than I thought because at a blink of an eye it was Saturday aka the day of the Got7 concert! I decided to get dressed at y/f/n’s place since it would be more convenient since she lives closer to the venue.

After getting dressed (and lookin fucking cute, but sexy at the same time) we head to the venue. I direct y/f/n that we should walk towards the ticketing booth in order to pick up the tickets. Luckily the tour and this venue had a common agreement on different ways you can have your tickets and luckily buying and picking up the physical ones at the booth was one option. 

“Ugh I seriously need to find out who got you these tickets! They can be our concert ticket dealer hahaha” y/f/n says

“A girl has her secrets” I give her a wink and keep walking.

We head towards the entrance of the venue and wait in line until doors open. As we do for past concerts, we start conversations with other fans in line. A basic convo of “who’s your bias?”, “what other groups do y’all stan?”, etc. Luckily it makes the time go by faster because before we knew it, doors opened and they started scanning tickets and letting everyone in. We found our seats and saw that some of the fans we made friends with in line were sitting right behind us. We continued our conversation about nothing specific really until I felt my phone vibrate. I looked down and see that Mark messaged me, 

“Y/NNNNNNN!!!!” Mark messaged

“MAAARRRKKKK!!!” I replied 

“I see you”

“Can you please not be creepy”

“Awe but it’s fun! ANYWAYS I can’t believe you’re here I can’t wait to see you!” he replied excitedly 

“I can’t wait to see you either! First time I’m getting to see you performing on stage. I seriously can’t” I quickly reply

“OH RIGHT! I remember why I texted you, check under your chair” he messaged

“You’re making me nervous boy”

“First of all, I’m a man. Second of all, stop being a wimp and look under your chair” he replies back with an eye rolling emoji. 

I decide to give in and squeeze myself on the ground between my chair and the chair in front of me. I feel a little bit around until my hand takes hold of something. I pull it out and it’s an envelope so I open it because what harm is there in opening a mysterious envelope from Mark. When I opened it, I shut it just as quickly, I looked side to side to make sure no one saw, shoved it in my bag, and grabbed my phone. 

“Mark Tuan imma kill you” I message adding a crying emoji

“Am I your favorite member now?” he said with a cute emoji

“Nope, still loyal, but Mark you really didn’t have to do this! VIP BACKSTAGE PASSES”

“How could I not?! You’re one of my friends that I cherish and it’s been so long. The fact that you thought that just attending the concert would be the end of it...I’m hurt” he replies almost sounding a little too butthurt. 

“Fine fine, but you know I love you right! I seriously can’t believe I can even call you a friend, let alone a close friend at that!” I message excitedly 

“I-love you too, you’re seriously someone I didn’t expect to show up in the circumstances they did. Thank goodness you did though, I was on the brink of murdering Yug because he was just calling me by my name. That child has no respect”

“Mark, honey, you’re American, I wouldn’t have guessed you were so serious about that type of stuff” I retorted

“Well I’m used to the way things run so I just want to hit him sometimes, what an annoying brat” he sent. I ended up laughing and y/f/n looked at me curious as to what was so funny on my phone. I quickly hid it, but I already knew she knew something was up. That’s why I was grateful when she didn’t push further because she knows I always end up spilling the tea later.

“That makes sense anyways you see where I am right?” I ask

“Yup, you look pretty” he comments as he always does

“Whatever, you see the girl to the right of me?” 

“Kinda, I can’t really see her face though”

“Oh let me help” I replied. 

“Yo y/f/n let’s take a pic” I get her attention. She turned around and agreed seeing that it wasn’t unusual for us to take pics together, especially at concerts. 

“Ooo these are cute” she comments then turns back around to keep talking to our new friends. 

“See now, cute right?” I text Mark

“Oh yeah~ she’s cute I guess, what about her though?” He replies

“That’s the friend I was telling you about and lucky for you she doesn’t have a solid bias in the group yet” I mention knowing that it would peek his interest. 

“Oh she doesn’t now, well now I’m even more excited to meet her” he comments, with easy excitement detected in his message. 

“Well thanks to you, we all get to meet each other!” I message excitedly 

“You’re very welcome sweetheart, but I gtg my turn to get pretty” he sends

“Lol you’ve always been pretty, but see you later!” 

“Lol bye” he texted lastly. 

I spend the rest of the time before the concert trying to devise how I’m going to keep surprising y/f/n until we reach the boys while still talking to our new friends. I decided that I would say I found these badges in one of the bathroom stalls after going in after a staff member and decided that it would be our ticket into the backstage. Perfect, not only is it a crazy idea, but the prize at the end (her reaction) will be the icing on the cake. I decided to text Mark about the plan and to also tell the manager so when we do get back there we don’t get in actual trouble. He saw my message and sent an emoji making sure I understood he got the message. This made the whole experience even better.  

The lights dimmer and we knew the show was starting. The whole place erupted in screams and chants of “Got7” echoing everywhere. The stage lit up and the boys walked out. I screamed and almost busted a lung at how good the boys looked up there. Mark looking exceptionally nice almost made me forget how much of an idiot he really is. It amazes me how humans can deceive each other so easily by just putting on an act. 

The concert was beyond amazing! I almost forgot while in the middle of the concert how I actually know the boys and consider them my friends. My mind went back to just being a simple ahgase and it being just that. It wasn’t until Mark came to my side of the stage and did some weird thing that I recalled that I actually know this fool personally. Then Mark pointed me out to the other members so once they spotted me they made their rounds to come to my side of the stage and do something that made my whole side scream. One girl in front of me thought that the finger heart from Jackson was for her when it was really meant for me. Poor girl.

The concert went on, screams were loud, fanchants were strong, light stick choreo was on point, the BOYS choreo was definitely on point, and honestly everything was just perfect. In the back of my head I couldn’t wait to finally meet the boys and better yet, be able to get this secret off my chest. I still hadn’t told anyone of me knowing the boys so to be able to tell y/f/n was going to be a load off my chest. It was the end of the concert with the boys concluding it with a classic that is “A.” During one of the chorus point dances JB came to my side of the stage like he had done once or twice before. While Youngjae and him sang the chorus JB never stopped looking me during the certain lyrics

“Ei da aneunde wae jakku sumgyeo

Nega nal joahaneunge imi

Ne eolgure sseuyeoisseo

Ei nareul boda wae nuneul dollyeo

Da aneunde ei e...”

(Translated: “Hey I already know everything so why are you hiding

It’s written all over your face that you like me

Hey why do you look away

I know everything”)

Contradictory to the lyrics, more specifically JB’s verse, I couldn’t look away. Was he confessing...to me? There’s now way. My heart sped up at the thought that my bias, my ult bias at that, has feelings for me! It was hard to get immersed in the rest of the concert with my head getting mixed signals of what JB really did was meant for me or just did it to tease me, not like it would be the first time. We talked a lot over messenger and really clicked, that included him reminding me that he knew that he was my favorite. Yeah I grew legit feelings for him, but my brain rationalized that it wouldn’t make sense for that to ever exist beyond that, but if what he did right now on stage was him confessing to me, maybe...there’s a chance.

It’s just the possibility of him liking me from only talking to me, while my feelings have existed. I need to stop thinking about this because there’s no way

“Y/n just enjoy the rest of the concert” I mumbled to myself. Thank goodness it was loud and dark enough that no one could hear me or see me. 

When the concert ended, y/f/n and I just sat there in utter amazement. We couldn’t believe we just had the chance to witness this and not to mention a relief since it had been so long for Got7 to come back to a city near enough that we could travel. After a moment of shock, I looked at her

“Yo bitch” I said to grab her attention

“What bitch?” She replied, such friendship

“This night ain’t over yet” I commented and signaled for her to look down her face of confusion and shock filled her face

“Y/n how the hell did you get these?!” She whispered yelled to not get much attention to us

“Remember when I went to the bathroom earlier? I guess I used a stall after one of the staff members and they misplaced it there” I commented hoping she would believe the lie

“Y/n you don’t do wild shit like that though, it’s always me” she mentions 

“I know but I’m willing to risk it all because what’s the worst that could happen?” I say hoping to convince her

“Well first we could be black listed by JYP, we would be the new face of sasaengs and last I checked there aren’t many or many in general black sasaengs...that should be enough reasons not to do it” she said.

“Yes, but if it works then we have a high chance of meeting Got7 and think about how much staff they have. What’s the likeliness they would know who we are'' I bring up

“Damn, you making me do dumb bitch shit...fine I’m in” she says. Score. 

We made our way out with most everyone just like normal, but snuck away to a secluded area where security wasn’t looking through. We slipped through a door that led through a hallway that led backstage. Getting backstage we were looked at sideways but everyone was rushing everywhere not paying us any mind (thank goodness their staff was pretty diverse), but I’m surprised no one noticed how different we stick out especially with our outfits. . 

We slip passed another door, we turned around getting stopped in our tracks by the boys’ manager. He wore this scowl on his face and both of us freaked. Then I remembered Mark texted me saying the manager would have eyes around the place so when we sneak in he would know where we were. So when running into him and seeing the scowl I knew he was just faking it and yet it was so believable. He stared us down,

“Now I don’t think I recognize you two” he comments 

“Um well you see” y/f/n starts in a slight panic

“We were given these passes by someone higher up in the company so we just decided to let ourselves in instead of waiting for the person they were going to send” I replied back confidently hoping it sounded believable enough...to y/f/n that is.

“‘Someone higher up huh?’ well who might that be exactly?” he questioned 

“I don’t have to say and you can’t make me” I snap back with a bit of attitude 

“Well if it is like that, I can’t allow you to proceed any further” he snarls back. Wow he’s really into this. JYP should really look into an acting career for this man and if not that give him a raise or something.

“Now if you two ladies could follow me to this room and I’ll get security to come deal with you both” he continued. y/f/n was getting visibly overwhelmed, but thankfully she had her inhaler with her. I hated to see that her reaction was getting that intense, but we were so close.

“Fine” I replied back fake angrily. y/f/n and I follow the manager back to a room that was labeled “Security” on the front. Perfect, everything was going to plan. Mark helped give more detail to my plan and thought to get a sheet of paper and put security to make the plan more believable. What we didn’t know though is under that sheet of paper it actually said “Artists Dressing Room.” It also occurred to me how good the manager's english had gotten. I guess it worked out with my Korean also getting much better as well. Luckily, I told y/f/n that I decided to study Korean again so she didn’t question why I was able to speak so well. She is able to speak pretty well herself, but the intensity of the situation caused her brain to freak out not being able to respond.

Once we reached the door, the manager slowly turned around. We briefly made eye contact and a smirk slightly graced his face. This is it, y/f/n looked like her nerves were a bit calmer, but I was sure to stand behind her in case she passed out. The manager opened the door and stepped to the side, he ushered us in and I gasp really loudly, 

“OMG IT’S GOT7” I exclaim. The boys all shot their heads up from different areas of the room, the sense of panic that graced their face for a few seconds made it even better. That stupid Mark, I guess he didn’t tell the boys of the plan so they must have thought that we were crazed fans who actually snuck in. Once the boys stared in shock for a few more seconds, all the sudden I hear

“y/nnnnn!!!” Mark screamed and dashed from the chair he was lounging in for a hug. I start laughing hysterically when I turn to see y/f/n’s hella confused face. It took me all the strength to try and stop laughing, but eventually I was able to calm down enough to talk,

“SURPRISE BITCH!!” I look to y/f/n and yell, her face still in utter shock and confusion. 

“Hey boys” I wave crazily to the boys who finally have the previous shock go away and have faces grazed with the biggest of smiles.

“y/n, how are you here?!” Youngjae questioned. From my peripheral vision I could see the boys look with beaming eyes mentally waiting for the answer to that same exact question they were all sharing. I look to Mark and comment

“You idiot, you didn’t tell them?” I laugh

“Well seeing you were surprising your friend, I wanted to do the same for the boys” he laughed back. 

“Makes sense, this was worth it though to see their faces” we both started laughing. Mark went on to explain in Korean about the plan we concocted and how we were able to execute it along with the help of the manager and other staff members. The boys nod and I turn to y/f/n explaining everything similarly. 

“I hate you so much right now” y/f/n says but with humor

“Awe but I love you so much” I replied back lovingly

“Mark this is my friend y/f/n I was telling you about before” I turn to Mark and say

“Nice to meet you!” Mark said with a bright smile

“Nice to meet you too” y/f/n replied back slightly shyly but still with slight confidence. Mark directs us to go and sit down on the chair that was previously occupied by him and Jackson. We all took a seat while BamBam, Yug, and JB were getting their makeup taken off and getting dressed in more comfier clothing behind a panel. 

“This is crazy that we’re finally getting to meet you y/n though it feels like we’ve been friends for ages’ Jackson speaks up.

“I know right! It’s still surreal that we’re all pretty good friends given we’ve never met physically...well except for Mark that is” 

“Wait how do you even know Mark...like how the hell did that even happen?” y/f/n speaks up. The boys looked at each other surprised that she didn’t know even though Mark and I had been talking for months. I look to Mark to see if it was fine to tell her given that he’s not one of my patients anymore, but still it would be illegal and immoral to start spilling unless allowed. He gives me the go ahead and I turn back to y/f/n and explain to her how it came to be. From all the stupid stuff he said to getting to talk to the boys over facetime, nothing was left unturned. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing and how lucky I was to have a chance encounter like this. 

“Wow you really lived the ‘y/n’ life right now huh?” She commented

“I’m just glad I was able to get it off my chest, it was really hard trying to keep this a secret for that long” I laughed 

“But why now, like how long you think you would’ve held it in if they didn’t have a tour?” she questioned

“Honestly I was close to just spilling everything, but luckily the tour was announced. You can also thank Mark for the free tickets and passes by the way” I laughed. y/f/n looked at Mark and had no other way of phrasing words than to say thank you multiple times

“It’s no problem at all, your reaction was priceless though! It made it worth it in the end” he laughed.

I sit there looking at my surroundings amazed this is actually happening. Mark irritatingly asked y/f/n to tell him stories of stupid shit I’ve done in the past because I refused to tell him. y/f/n went along I’m guessing as payback for the stupid stunt I pulled with this whole encounter. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to put those two together because now Jackson is listening in and I guess so is BamBam from the makeup chair because I can hear him laughing along with everyone else at some part of the story that I don’t even remember (I must have been drunk...whoops). Even then, I don’t think anything could top this moment…

Now I have to figure out why JB has been avoiding interactions with me since y/f/n and I walked in. 

Previous/Next

[raysofcrosby]

WHISKEY

"𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘨𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦." – 𝙅𝙖𝙣𝙖 𝙆𝙧𝙖𝙢𝙚𝙧, 𝙒𝙝𝙞𝙨𝙠𝙚𝙮

𝘨𝘪𝘧 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵 (x)

𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥: yes | no

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨(𝘴): swearing, mentions of the unholy trifecta– drugs, alcohol and sex, and obvi some angst

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 4,651

𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺: whiskey by jana kramer

𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦: lmao another angsty one bc i’m just an angsty person i guess :)

“Okay Y/N you’ve got this, it’s okay.” You spoke to your reflection in the body mirror, pressing your skirt down and checking over your outfit and makeup to make sure they were both up to par. 

The music from downstairs was so loud, you could barely hear your own thoughts. Your nose scrunched as the smell of weed carried through the air vents of the house, engulfing seemingly every room in its own fumes. Jamie was definitely going to have a hard time explaining to mom tomorrow when she came to visit, why his furniture smelled of the substance she’d preached all four of her children not to touch as they were growing up. But knowing Jamie, this wasn’t the first time the recognizable smell had been smoked in or around his house, so he definitely had a way to mask it before anyone ever noticed. Most likely a cleaning solution he’d mastered over the years of he and Jordie throwing their epic summer parties.

And that was a pretty big emphasis on epic. The parties they threw at their summer house on the lake were notorious throughout both friend groups. Attendants often consisted of hometown friends, their friends from the league– even some of your hometown and college friends– if they were in town for a visit. And you can confirm from experience of that past parties you attended¬– once they finally allowed you too– that their parties were out of this world, practically legendary…though you’ve never smoked any of the so-called, “amazing” weed.

Nope, you were the ‘other Benn.’ The ‘good one’ or better known as Y/N, Jordie and Jamie’s ‘younger, shy and quiet’, non-hockey playing little sister. Jenny at least got the pleasantries of having the ‘big sister’ title when it came to you and your siblings– but nope, you got stuck with being known as the ‘non-hockey playing’ one. At least you did until the moment you turned 18 and went off to college in the States. That was when you formed your own image and simply became, Y/N. But of course, every summer once you came back home, the little sister image returned– and that alone was one of the main reasons why your two older brothers refused you entry into their summer parties. But once you turned 19, you stood your ground and they begrudgingly let you and your friends attend. It’s more thanks to the little thing called blackmail that you held over their heads, threatening to tell mom some deep dark secret of theirs if they didn’t let you in. But the two dummies never asked what it was, so unbeknownst to them…you had no dirt to tell.

Those first few parties, you, out of habit, kind of kept to yourself, not mingling much amongst your brothers and their friends. You provided your own booze, hung out in your own little sections of the house and the pool– only mingling amongst the ‘older crowd’ when it came time for food and dancing. Not that Jamie or Jordie even seemed to mind. It was a lot less stressful on them when they didn’t have to worry about one of their buddies or teammates hitting on their little sister, so they loved the fact that you isolated yourself. 

But two summers ago, Bethany, your college best friend, pulled you out of your ‘little sister’ shell. She’d come to visit before, but that was the first summer she stayed with you the entire time. And with her help, you became more outspoken among the boys you’d known practically your entire life, you let loose on the dance floor…and you even had a little small summer fling with a friend of both Jamie and Jordie– but of course, they went into big brother mode and squashed it. You and Mike joke about it still, but Jamie and Jordie still get a little butthurt about it. They didn’t like how their friends were…taking romantic interests on their little sister.

Which is why you never told them about your feelings towards one of Jamie’s best friends, Tyler Seguin.

You’d met Tyler officially, the summer before last, which was also the summer after our short-lived romance with Mike took place. You didn’t think much of him beside the fact that he resembled a good quarter of every professional hockey player you’d come across and gave off three of the traits a guy you’d hate could possess:

He was cocky.

Practically self-absorbed.

And he never tried to hide the fact that he was a big-time player.

He was just a small blip on your radar of Hockey bros that always graced the Benn boys’ summer parties with their presence. It wasn’t until last summer though, when you two kissed after he “accidentally” dropped the card in a heated and drunken game of suck n’ blow…that you realized you had feelings for him. And it wasn’t until later that weekend when you two fell asleep in the bed of his rental truck that was parked further down the road on the edge of the lake and beneath the open night sky, that you realized you liked him.

A lot.

That was last summer though. You and Tyler hadn’t talked since the lake date if you could even call it that, and a lot has changed. You have…well, at least you think you have. You were another year older, one year closer to finishing up your Master's degree and you had even had a nice little string of hookups at school. Well, if you could call two different guys you’d met out on the town– a string of hook-ups. None of that really mattered though because school was out, you were back home, staying with Jamie and Bethany at his lake house and it was the beginning of a new summer.

The summer after a wild Stanley Cup playoffs for Jamie and his team, most likely to ensure a wild party or two. The summer before your last year of Graduate school, and of course, the summer you promised yourself (and Bethany) that you would have nothing to do with Tyler Seguin.

The door to your designated bedroom opened, causing you to jump in fright. “Jesus Jamie, it’s called knocking. Practice it sometime.” You said, removing your hand from your chest as he walked in and sat on the edge of your bed– red solo cup in hand.

“I did, Y/N.” He laughed, bringing the brim of the cup to his lips, pausing before he went to take a swig. “Multiple times.”

“Oh, I couldn’t hear you I guess.”

He just nodded and took another sip. “So the party started–“

“I can smell that.”

A smirk grew onto his face. “If you know, then why haven’t I seen you mingling with the guests? You don’t have to be shy anymore Y/N, they all know you and don’t totally hate you. Even Bethany is down there.”

“I’ll grace them with my presence soon–“

“Sooner or later you’re gonna come around and you’ll be sorry!” He started to belt out as he stood up off of your bed and stumbled over to you, drunkenly throwing his arm over your shoulder. “When you figure out that I was always everything that you needed– Come on, SING WITH ME Y/N!” He smiled, swaying you back and forth, singing the song you’d blast in his car after your boyfriend of a year had broken up with you three summers back.

You reached up and took his cup out of his hand, holding it away from him. “I think you’ve had enough, so I’ll take this.”

He removed his arm and stuck out his bottom lip, slouching forward. “Meanie, but I guess I’ll just get another one downstairs. I’m a grown man, Y/N. I know where the alcohol is.” He perked up and kissed your cheek. “I better see you down there soon Y/N or I’m telling Mom and Dad that they’ve raised a major buzzkill.”

You waved him off and closed the door behind him, walking back towards the dresser and picking up his cup. You sniffed it, unable to figure out what he was drinking, so you just shrugged your shoulders and took a quick sip, finding out why Jamie was so gone, so soon.

He was drinking whiskey.

You heard your door open again and groaned. “Jamie, I said I’d be down in a–“ You turned around and felt all of the air leave your body.

“Well, I’m not Chubbs and this isn’t the bathroom…but hey Y/N.” Tyler laughed, sending chills down your spine as he brought his cup to his lips.

“H-Hey, Tyler,” you replied, trying to hide your nerves. His eyes lingered on yours for a few moments before moving down your body and back up. “How are y-you?”

He smiled, nodding his head before taking a sip. “I’ve got to pee, I’ll see you later.” He turned and walked back out into the hallway. You sighed in relief, but Tyler peeked back in and flashed you another smile and licking his lips. “You look really good, Y/N.” He said, soon disappearing back into the hall.

Once the door shut behind him, you let out the breath you’d been holding and slumped down onto your bed. God, you didn’t think it’d be this hard to try and refrain from jumping his bones. I mean, you guys had only kissed once and it was a drunken kiss. How the hell were you already so deep in his charms? Though, I guess cuddling did really play a huge factor in how hard you fell for him. Stupid Tyler with his stupid magic cuddles. You groaned and stood yourself up, walking towards your dresser and reaching for Jamie’s cup, chugging the remaining whiskey and ignoring the burning sensation as it traveled down your throat– leaving you craving more. You left your room, wasting no time to get to the kitchen and started searching through the cabinet, grabbing a new bottle of fireball and placing it on the counter. 

“Hey Y/N!” Jamie Oleksiak smiled, walking in and looking sober as ever….he must have just gotten here.

“Hey Big Rig,” you mumbled, placing a cup in front of him and waving your hands towards the alcohol covered counter, suggesting he make whatever he wanted.

“I’ll have what you’re having,” he smiled, scooting his cup towards you. You unscrewed the cap off of the bottle of fireball and poured it into your cup, not stopping until it was one suggested line near the brim. “On second thought…” He reached for his cup and grabbed an already opened can of coke and the bottle of captain. “I think I’ll make my own.” He eyed your 70 proof whiskey filled cup. “You be careful, alright?”

Ignoring his warning, you took a long swig, barely feeling the burning sensation as it numbed your insides- instead, feeling a familiar warmth from a certain someone’s touch…instantly drawing you to take another long sip. You were going to need more than this to survive the night…especially since Tyler was here.

A few hours and many drinks later, the party was still going strong and miraculously, so were you. You hadn’t seen nor bumped into Tyler since he walked into your bedroom, so the need to consume more whiskey had died down a tad. Mainly because between you and Bethany, the bottle was near empty. Spending more time with a good mix of both brother’s teammates and going to college over the years had taught you a lot of things, the most important one being: how to control your alcohol.

You were outside sitting on the edge of the patio, watching everyone else swim in the pool and mingling by the lake with one another, particularly watching a group of people pass around a joint, Big Rig being one of them. “Pass it.”

He opened his bloodshot eyes and shook his head. “No way, your b-brothers would kill me.” He said, smoke leaving his mouth.

“They’re not in charge of me,” You insisted, holding out your hand.

You could see the internal struggle going on in his eyes before he sighed and passed the tiny joint from his fingers to yours. You looked at it, pondering whether it was you wanting to smoke or the alcohol influencing you to. “Y/N what the hell?” You turned around and saw Jordie standing there, shirtless and soaking wet. “Jamie dude, what the fuck? She’s not smoking this!” He said, taking the joint out of your hands and handing it to him.

“I tried man, she wouldn’t listen!” Big Rig explained, passing the joint onto someone else.

Before you could even begin to come up with a reply to your brother, he grabbed you by your elbow and dragged you through the crowd of peers and back into the house. “Jordie, what the hell?” You shouted, pulling your elbow out of his grasp.

“Listen, there’s one thing Jamie and I promised ourselves when we finally agreed to let you come to these parties and that was to take care of you. You’re already way past drunk, I’m not letting you get high. God knows what’ll happen to you.” He said, opening the fridge and grabbing two bottles of water. “Here, you’re done. Drink this.” He twisted the cap off of one of them and slid it over to you.

“You can’t tell me what t-to do! I’m 24 fucking years old for God’s sake.” You mumbled, crossing your arms over your chest and not touching the water.

“Why are you acting like this? Is it because you saw Tyler?” You looked over at Jordie and opened your mouth to reply with something smart, but you couldn’t speak. “I know it was, because Max saw you in the kitchen, coming downstairs and start to down fireball like it was fucking water. And don’t even lie, because Big Rig backed him up.” He took a sip of water and shook his head at you. “Tyler is trouble Y/N. Don’t get caught in his web, because as soon as you do, you won’t be able to get out.”

You grabbed your bottle of water and turned on your heels, walking out of the kitchen and leaving him with no reply. You didn’t want to stand there anymore and get a lecture from your older brother when you were supposed to be letting loose and having fun. You walked outside and climbed back onto your ledge, peering out at the people who hadn’t had their drinking privileges taken away from them. You felt someone bump into your back, pushing you off of the ledge and towards the grass– landing on your face. “Fuck,” you groaned, your face throbbing.

“Holy shit, Y/N are you okay?” A pair of hands slid underneath your arms and helped you off of the ground. “Whoa, okay come one, let’s get you inside.”

You opened your eyes and saw that Tyler was practically carrying you into the house…where Jordie was. “No!” You said, pulling yourself out of his arms and almost stumbling again.

“Y/N you fell, we need to see if you’re okay.” He replied, grabbing your wrist and taking you with him into the house, where Jordie was probably waiting to be the party pooper of all party poopers. “Come on, it’s crowded down here. We’ll just go upstairs.”

Your stomach twisted into knots when you looked down as saw that Tyler was no longer holding your wrist, but instead had his fingers intertwined with yours as he led you upstairs. You didn’t say a word as he passed by each of the doors and turned into your room. “Tyler, why are we here?”

“You have a bathroom connected to your room, don’t you?” He let go of your hand and walked into the bathroom that connected to your room. He turned on the sink only to turn it off moments later, then coming back into your room with a wet washcloth in his hands. 

He held it up and went to put it on your face, but you jumped back. “Y/N you have dirt all over your face, come on.” He laughed, grabbing your hand and pulling you closer to him. He pressed the washcloth to your cheek and rubbed it softly, his eyes switching from yours to your lips. When you noticed the movement in his eyes, your breathing hitched and he took notice. “Okay, dirt’s gone,” he smiled.

Neither of you moved from where you stood. A corner of his lips turned up, a smirk that seemed to be daring you to make the first move…but your body couldn’t muster up enough courage. Tyler sucked in his lips and nodded. “Get some rest, Y/N, you look pretty tired.” He turned around and took a single step as your body seemed to unfreeze from its imprisonment.

“Tyler!” He turned around and you stepped towards him, pressing your lips against his. “I love you.” You whispered, pulling away with your lips dangerously close to his.

In an instant, Tyler was kissing you again, his hands finding their way up the back of your shirt, sending chills down your spine from his sudden touch. You cradled his face, taking full dominance of Tyler until he pulled away. He grabbed your hand and pushed you onto your bed, standing at the end with a smile on his face as he took off his shirt. You got the memo and took off your shirt, leaning back onto your elbows and raising a single eyebrow, telling Sam that he had the next move.

He smiled and hovered over you, placing his lips onto yours again, this time taking the dominance and not letting up. His lips moved down the side of your neck and the moment he found your weak spot, you let out a muffled moan. Cocky bastard, you thought as you felt his lips pull into a smile against your skin. 

Your hands fumbled for his belt buckle and as soon as you undid it, you used your legs to push his cargo shorts down to his ankles. Tyler pulled away and stepped out of his shorts, tossing them off to the side and rested on his knees, gazing down at you. “This…” h said, his fingertips slowly dancing across your skin and down the hem of your skirt, sliding two fingers underneath the waistband. “Needs to come off.” He slid you out of your skirt and tossed it somewhere next to his pants before attacking your lips again.

Everything started to feel like a blur as the two of you kept kissing. You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or the sexual tension between you and Tyler finally being acknowledged, that made you feel like you were flying too close to the sun– it’s warmth engulfing your entire body. But you were sure of one thing, and that was that you never wanted this moment to end. With his hands roaming across your body, his touch sending shocks of warmth and comfort throughout you. His lips soft and sweet, tasting like the cinnamon of your favorite whiskey as he kissed your passionately…the way his raspy voice sounded when he told you that he loved you during the moment that you two were riding out your high’s– right before he finished and laid beside you, pulling you into his side and kissing your forehead as he rubbed little circles on your hip. And when he said it again… “I love you,  Y/N.” Right then and there, you were sure that you never wanted to leave this state of warmth with Tyler.

Your head rocked to the side slowly as you opened your eyes to see the sun peeking its way through the blinds in your room. You sighed and smiled, closing your eyes again as the events from late last night replayed in your mind. “Good morning, Ty–“ You rolled over, expecting to see a still sleeping Tyler by your side, but the moment your hand made contact with your bed sheet, your eyes opened again and you sat up with your bed sheet held against you to see Tyler, nor his clothes…anywhere in your room. The hurt began to set in when you realized that the noise you heard shortly after falling asleep, wasn’t just a part of your dream…it was Tyler leaving your room. Leaving you in your bed, naked, like you had meant nothing, like what you did meant nothing…and what you said, meant nothing. And maybe it hadn’t, at least not to him, anyway. 

You got out of bed and walked over to your drawers, keeping the sheet around you and grabbed yourself a pair of underwear and a bra. Dropping the blanket, you put them both on and grabbed a pair of pajama shorts and one of Jamie’s old Stars shirts, getting dressed before tossing your hair up into a bun and walking out of your room and down the stairs. When you stepped into the kitchen, you notice that most of the evidence from the party had been cleaned up and three figures were sitting on the couch in the living room watching TV. You didn’t bother to talk to them, so you grabbed yourself a bowl and the box of apple jacks, along with the milk and made yourself breakfast.

“Good morning, Y/N.” You looked up and saw Jordie walking into the kitchen and going to grab himself a bowl. “How’d you sleep?”

You took a bite of your cereal. “Uh, pretty good,” you gulped, looking at him and hoping to God that he didn’t know anything. “Why?”

He unscrewed the cap of the Tylenol bottle and grabbed two pills, handing them over to you before pouring himself a bowl of cereal. “No reason.”

“Morning!” Jamie said, coming into the kitchen as well, already eating a bowl of cereal as Bethany followed behind him.

“Morning,” you replied, your mouth full of cereal.

“Such a caveman.” Bethany laughed, taking a bite of the banana she was holding. “Are your guys’ parents still coming over for dinner?”

“Nope, mom called and said they’ll be over tomorrow for brunch instead,” Jamie sighed, stretching his arms up into the air. “So we can go on the lake today.”

“Sweet, are you guys coming with?” Jordie asked, looking at Bethany and me.

“It’s up to your sister. I go where she goes, best friends never travel alone.”

“Who’s all going?” You asked, twirling your spoon around your bowl and watching the few remaining pieces of apple jacks spin around.

“Most of the team are leaving this morning that I know of,” Jamie said, chewing onto his cereal. “But Jordie and I, Mike, Katie, Domi, Big Rig, Tyler–“

“Nah, I think I’ll stay here. Not feeling too hot from last night. But Bethany, you can go.” You said, getting up and walking your bowl over to the sink and leaving it there. “You guys have fun, though.” You headed towards the stairs and were about to walk up, but you turned around and walked back to Jordie, wrapping your arms around his waist and hugging him tightly. “I love you. Even when I’m stubborn and a pain in the ass, you always look out for me and I’m glad you’re my older brother.”

Jordie stood there awkwardly at first, unsure as to why you were hugging him, but then he relaxed and hugged you back, swaying you back and forth. “Love you too Y/N.”

You pulled away and walked towards Jamie, sliding your arms onto his shoulders and kissing his cheek. “You too Chubbs, I’m glad you’re my older brother.”

Before he could say anything and Bethany could stop you, you smiled at the three of them and headed back towards the stairs, walking up them and back into your room, closing the door behind you. You stood there for a few seconds and saw the almost empty bottle of fireball still sitting on your dresser from last night. You picked it up and unscrewed the cap, tilting the bottle back as you pressed your lips to the brim and tasted the last few drops before throwing it into the trash. It took a few seconds before the drops of whiskey hit your throat, filling up your body with the smallest hint of warmth that was so similar to what you felt when you were with Tyler.

“If only you would listen to yourself kid,” You mumbled to yourself, staring at your bed as your mind replayed the moment you first met Tyler, the day you realized he was no good and of course, the times that Jamie, Jordie, and Bethany had subtly warned you against him.

A knock from your door caught your attention and Bethany opened it, walking in soon after. She eyed the bottle of fireball and raised her eyebrows. “Not feeling too hot, huh?”

Your throat felt dry as you stared at your best friend, caught in the reminiscing of your night with Tyler and feeling guilty for caving into his spell. “I had sex with Tyler.” Your hand slapped over your mouth as soon as the confession left your lips.

Bethany sighed as she closed the door behind her and took the bottle out of your hands. “I know.”

“Y-You know?” You felt your skin grow cold as the endless possibilities ran through your mind. Could people hear you two? Did she walk in and you hadn’t noticed? Did someone else walk into the room when you had Tyler had fallen asleep?

“Jamie and I were coming upstairs to um…” A soft blush came across her cheeks. You knew that she and Big Rig had gotten along pretty well since he came over last summer…but you didn’t know that they were hooking up. “But we saw him sneaking out of your room.”

You leaned onto your dresser and groaned. “I’m such an idiot. You guys warned me and I didn’t listen.” Your hands fell to your sides as you looked at your bed. “He told me he loved me and whether it was a ‘thanks for making me cum’ love or what– the fucker said it…and then left me alone like it was nothing.”

Bethany walked over to you and gave you a hug, her embrace tight as she comforted you. “Maybe one day his dick will fall off from all the sex he has.”

You wanted to laugh, you truly did. But you couldn’t, not naturally. So you forced out a fake laugh and pulled away, plastering on a big smile. “Maybe.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come to the lake with us today? Or that you want me to go? I’d love nothing more than you sit in with you and watch chick flicks all day.”

You shook your head and smiled, waving her off. “No, go have fun with my brothers and Big Rig. I’ll be okay.”

She held your hand and squeezed it as she opened the door and turned back to you. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

The moment she closed the door behind her, you headed over to your bathroom and walked in, turning on the light and closing the door. You turned towards the shower and put the dial all the way to hot as the water came down. As you turned back towards the counter, you saw a gray crumpled up shirt sitting on our sink. You didn’t recognize it as either Jamie’s or Jordie’s and it wasn’t exactly something Bethany would wear. You turned it around and saw bold white letters spell out Tyler’s last name across the shoulder blades. You could smell his cologne as if it was radiating off of it and a small smile played on the corner of your lips, filling you with warmth as you pictured Tyler.

“Now you’re addicted to him like whiskey,” you muttered, holding his shirt in your hands. “Idiot.”

[shadowmaat]

If it looks like a racist...

Lots of Star Wars discourse and criticism below the cut.

There has been a whole lot of feuding and firestorms in Star Wars fandom lately over John Boyega and the Reylos (what a terrible band name). John escaped the gag order and has been speaking his mind about the way his character was treated in the movie and his feelings about the shippiness of Rey and Kylo.

The Reylo contingent went ballistic. They were offended, disgusted, outraged, etc. that John would say these things. How DARE he attack them and how DARE he say anything against the series that made him a star??

Pretty standard stuff, on the surface, but then some chose to angle it as “we aren’t racist, but Boyega is sexist and needs to apologize or be canceled.” I saw that part of it, but never learned exactly what he said that was so morally reprehensible. However, he’s said and done some other things that made me uncomfortable, so I didn’t immediately discount the possibility. That argument seemed to get lost in the backlash of “Reylos are sexist and butthurt” anyway.

I think I finally found the quote that has some people so offended, though, and while it’s a bit crass it didn’t strike me as misogynistic and frankly sounded like the kind of stuff I’ve heard in other places, too. “It isn’t who kisses the girl, it’s who lays the pipe.” I dunno, maybe he said other stuff in that Insta vid I don’t want to watch, but that seems to be the crux of it and, uh, it’s immature for sure, but not exactly a “burn him at the stake” kind of attitude.

It kinda sweeps the legs out from the argument that it isn’t about racism. There’s a chance that people don’t realize that’s what it is and that they’re in strong denial about it, but when you’re attacking a black man for saying the kind of stuff that white men have been saying for years... it might be time to step back and give some more thought as to WHY you’re so angry about it. 

Harrison Ford has been candid for years about hating Star Wars, and the reason his character was killed off was because he asked for it to happen. I don’t recall any lynch mobs forming to try and tear him down for his audacity and ingratitude.

Daisy Ridley has spoken out saying she can’t support Reylo, but I don’t think I’ve seen anyone attack her for it. Other factions attack her for being a woman and put Rey through the Mary Sue shredder, but I don’t think I’ve seen shippers grabbing torches and pitchforks. It wouldn’t surprise me if they did, since fandom (generally speaking) is misogynistic as well as racist, but I haven’t seen it. Possibly because I have Reylo blacklisted in as many places as possible to avoid contact with one of my squick ships and its supporters. Even if it exists, it’s still nothing compared to the absolute firestorm of rage surrounding John Boyega, and if you don’t think that has something to do with the color of his skin, then you really haven’t been paying attention to the last 244+ years of American history.

I can already hear people pulling their keyboards closer to type up “not ALL fans!!” but that kind of deflectionism doesn’t change the fact that a lot of Reylos (and yes, a lot of non-Reylos, too) are incredibly, deeply racist. Choosing to ship a white girl with a sociopathic white male villain instead of an altruistic black protagonist? I know there are plenty of other reasons to be into abusive ships, but the fact that so many of them also happen to coincidentally be white ships is, hmm, an interesting coincidence.

Of course JJ and Rian didn’t help matters any by reinforcing and validating the ship. Which shows just how deep the racism runs. And no, I don’t believe that “poor widdle JJ had his whole movie changed behind his back” malarkey. This shit is 100% on brand for him.

Anyway, the point is that John Boyega is far from perfect, but he’s hardly the monster that Reylos insist he is. Even the comments about online harassment that everyone glommed onto as him insulting KMT isn’t solid proof of anything, except maybe that he sometimes speaks without thinking things through. Which can be said of most of us, really. I’d need to hear more from Kelly herself before drawing any solid conclusions, but given how harshly fandom- ALL of fandom- treated her- I’m not sure that’ll happen.

Fandom as a whole REALLY needs to check its privilege, and yes, I include myself in that. The point isn’t to be perfect, the point is to be aware, listen, and LEARN from your mistakes. The point is to keep improving rather than make excuses and take a hostile stand. You don’t have to like John Boyega or Finn, but you should consider the deeper question of WHY you don’t, and see if it fits a pattern of disliking other non-white characters and actors. TBH, I’m not all that keen on John, myself, but I still think he’s right to be angry about what’s been done to him/his character and I think he’s right to speak up about it. I also love Finn, even though some of his characterization is frustrating as hell. I just ignore those bits. ;)

[lovin-2-kinds]

I think I’m still in love with my ex.

But not my last ex, I haven’t been with this girl for like a year. It didn’t end on bad terms but I know it hurt her. We were friends before we got together and we’re still friends now. My last girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago and I’m not butthurt over it so I think my feelings for this person are real. We didn’t break up because we hated eachother, or stopped loving eachother, we both needed to figure some shit out alone, and so we did. We were together for a few months but for three of them she was in Spain so we both felt stuck in a weird time lock of nothing, and it ended up ruining what we had. I’ve been getting even closer with this person recently, I want to share things with her that I find entertaining, I want to make her things to see if it makes her smile (I didn’t even have that feeling with my last girlfriend), I want to make her feel as happy as she makes me feel when I talk to her. She’s also one of the only people I actually don’t mind talking to over text for hours on end because her replies are never dry. ...I’ve also realised how beautiful she is as well. Her hair is short and blonde and incredibly soft, she gives of a sort of elven/pixie aura. Her style is so cool and unique and she has loads of amazing and interesting things. We share a load of interests and even though we’re in a friendship group of six, she’s the one I feel closest to. However I love that there’s stuff that the other person isn’t into, for example she loves science and physics and maths but I really don’t. I like drama and art and random facts about random things. But neither of us get bored when the other is talking about one of their differing passions (at least I hope she feels the same). And I find that amazing, because not many people can make me interested in physics. I love seeing when she’s passionate about a topic and she is one of the most fascinating people I’ve ever met, we’ve been labelled as the two parallel characters in a tv show or book series. You know the ones, when one person is completely different to the other but they just click and actually have an amazing bond together. I don’t know, I just find her absolutely wonderful, and hopefully, if we’ve made some improvements to the issues we had when we used to be together, I have a feeling we could truly be something beautiful together. But I don’t know how to go about it, I think she’s picking up on my feelings, but she isn’t saying anything (and I don’t expect her too, I’m the one that has the dilemma here). My last relationship ended because I wasn’t good enough, I couldn’t give her what she needed, but I really feel as if me and this girl are on the same page of what we need in a relationship. I just don’t want to mess things up between us, and now we’re in quarantine, I can’t see her for the foreseeable future, and I really don’t want to ask her back over text, I want to be with her in person. But that seems like forever away. I don’t really know how to go about it, or wether I’m being ridiculous for wanting to be with my ex because I’m in quarantine or something. Sorry for making this so damn long, if you’re still reading then leave a message or a note, a girl needs some help every now and then. 💖

P.S. I just hope that if she ever sees this she doesn’t drive herself into a frenzy and go silent on me, she’s a little worrier sometimes 😅

[vnshkk]

Let's talk about Kyo's media blackout.

It is with a slight reluctance that I post this. It's not wise to mention Tanuki online nor share what they talk about within the overseas fandom for a multiple of reasons. 

1. I don't want them to get angry at me

2. I don't want the overseas fandom to flip out and judge the Japanese fandom

3. I just want everyone to be chill and happy and flowers

But I've seen a lot of people freaking out, a lot of random theories floating around and people worrying so I wanted to post this theory and open it for discussion. 

Of course this isn't fact. It's pure speculation. But given the timeframe, PERSONALLY I feel like this may have had something to do with Kyo decision. 

So I post this with two DISCLAIMERs. 

1. As mentioned this is not in any way fact. There is no proof that Kyo does or doesn't look at Tank. I simply find it interesting the sequence of events, the timing of the media blackout and I am only translating this for those who are interested. I hope this doesn't cause any huge arguments or any bad blood. It's simple here to discuss and consider.

2. Please do not judge the whole fandom based on Tank. Just like any forum, any comment section on the world wide web; there will be people who leave negative feed back. It is a tiny portion of people and not a reflection of the Japanese fandom as a whole. Judging them based on what they said would be like someone looking at negative comments or sarcastic jokes on Tumblr and judging the English speaking fandom. That's not to say what they post is okay, but it's just dumb shit posting and shouldn't be taken to heart. 

you get me fam?

Okay, so I contemplated posting screenshots and translating what happened immediately after Kyo changed his profile picture up to when he deleted everything but as I said I don't want to be taken out by angry tank users so I'm just gonna translate a selection of posts. 

These posts are taken from the Meg thread (remember the girl linking arms with him at a concert? That's Meg.) which to be honest is a shit show. It was a thread born from those notorious pics and for over a year now has remained a place where people post rumours, shit talk, complain and just make shit up a lot of the time. So please, AGAIN, bare that in mind. It is a place of negativity born from a scandal that shocked a lot of the fandom. Aint nothing nice ever gonna be said there. Periodt. In reality a lot of the people who post there are still fans of Kyo. I think they're just still a little hurt by the way it came to light about Meg. 

After Kyo posted his new picture I checked tank before going to bed because I was curious about what their reactions would be and everyone had exploded. During the 7 hours I was asleep Kyo deleted everything and left the internet forever so tbh given the fact he was probably bored in a hotel in Fukuoka, just did a radio show, probs wanted to see peoples reaction, etc I personally, believe he was on Tank. This is a running theme in the thread itself and people often say he actively browses it (this is not a major thing, a lot of guys in bands browse tank same as celebs browse twitter. Why Kyo would look at the meg thread in particular? idk. ) 

SO TLDR 

Yesterday around 7pm the thread suddenly changed to mixed reactions after Kyo changed his Twitter pic. 

"His new twitter icon had me shook lol" 

"I hope he changes his instagram one too" 

"Idk I don't like how quickly he's become some kind of social media old fogey" 

"Kyo's turned into a social media monster too" (*edit; my bad Yuchi is beer monster, Shinya is social media monster lol)

"It's kinda cheap" 

"I get you, it's like he's lost his values" (probably because Kyo has always made big deal about how much of himself he shares) 

 It continued like that for a while with people more or less saying the same thing until he posts about leaving social media.

"He just suddenly said he's not gonna do social media anymore" 

"lol after he went to all the effort of changing his profile picture" 

"I'm shook" 

"annoying 40 year old nut job" 

"Bet you he came on here"  

"Do you normally change you icon then quit" 

"Join Kyo online" 

"idg why even though Kyo's had so many haters since he first started twitter he's suddenly affected by it??" 

"I still think he's cute even when he's sulking like this lol" 

"I knew he was looking at Tanuki"

"I don't get why he's suddenly deleting it after all this time?? It's like what is this old man on about?" 

"It's lame how he's making such a big deal of out saying he's quitting" 

(lots of people agreed with this post saying that he's acting childish)

"I wonder what happened? Like everything seemed fine recently. I mean we'll never know but like I'm sure he has a lot going on.." 

"I can't believe he basically wiped his instagram clean but left all the pics of cake and omurice lmao" 

"If only he'd go to sleep earlier and eat a banana the serotonin would fix everything" 

The random comments and mixed reactions continued for all of Friday.  One of the main points that stuck out after the initial reactions was how people began to become suspicious that this was merely a tactic to get people to join Kyo online with people claiming this was typical of business man kyo,  that it was about that time of year where they usually begin to advertise and promote in order to get new members. 

So, allow me to play devils advocate for a second. As someone who is a member of Kyo online I have to admit since he started posting more and more online (compared to hardly ever on Kyo online), the membership has become more or less invalid. In the past it was worth the money for the videos and pictures that as fans we rarely saw. But if he's going to post them online then it raises the question (tickets to concerts aside) is there any point in being a member if you can just get the content for free?  I'd imagine that this plays some kind of role in why the reactions are often negative. Members of Kyo online have suddenly gone from having something exclusive that was only for them, to simply being a part of something anyone can access. 

Another point someone brought up is that whilst it's acceptable for Kyo to be upset. It is very, very childish and the timing is selfish.  Sukekiyo literally made their instagram days ago and suddenly Kyo states how he isn't going to post online anymore. This act instantly casts a negative feel on Sukekiyo's insta. It almost gives a vibe that any picture Kyo is in might be "against his will". Kyo is not new to criticism. He's been in this game for 20 plus years. Everyone who is in the Indies scene knows about Tank. Every fan, every bandmen, knows it's a bad place filled with mostly shit posting and rumours and doesn't represent fans a whole. 

The meg thread is simply fans flogging a dead horse, posting any poor Japanese girl with a straight fringe and some tattoos, anyone who looks even a little like Meg and saying she MUST be a groupie of Kyo. Which begs the question why would Kyo go there? Why would he look at that? Why would he want to subject himself to that kind of thing and then punish the majority for some dumb comments a few bored fans made? What was he expecting by going there?

Of course there is no proof Kyo lurks. But the reality is he probably does, I mean he's only human, he' s bound to be curious about fans reactions for Madara, etc and where else to get honestly reactions than an anonymous forum? Personally, as someone who has lurked tank for a few years now, I think he reads it. There have been times in the past where he's mentioned certain things, done certain things and I've thought "hmmm that's weird tank was literally talking about that". But once again there's no proof. It's just one of those vibes you get sometimes. (one major one I can think of is during the interview for mode of gauze where he said everyone massively complained about it. I know people can submit questionnaires after lives but I feel that a lot of Japanese people are more brutally honest when they can hide behind anonymity. ) 

Considering the "staff" posted a pic of his feet on the sukekiyo instagram today, I feel like this is just Kyo being (sorry to say) butthurt and it might just blow over.  A lot of the comments mention his age, mention how he's clearly trying and failing to copy 20 year olds by using insta, that he's lame or cringe and that's gonna hurt anyones pride. But I honestly think Kyo should be looking at the billions of comments on instagram of people who love him rather than a few trolls online. 

So with that being said I hope this was an interesting read and gave a little insight into why Kyo is often private. It was a big deal that he was posting so much and actively using instagra. I for one was very happy. I believe that in this day and age it is something that is required in order to engage with your audience and keep a good relationship. Hazuki and Ruki are good examples of this and Ive been saying for the longest time I wish Kyo would get more on board with it. So it's a shame he's left at the first hurdle. 

Oh well. This is why we can't have anything nice isn't it. 

[mtvswatches]

Wynonna Earp 2x06 Whiskey Lullaby

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) “Don’t talk about my partner’s ass” Hearing Doc say those words in regards to Dolls gave me so much joy!

2) So, Black Badge indeed no longer exists, at least not in the same shape and form as we knew it. They’ve cut Dolls, Purgatory and the Earps loose and they are now left to their own devices. If they’re not a government agency, then what are they? Who else would be interested in fighting the supernatural institutionally? Anyway, the dude told them that when Doc freed Dolls, other things escaped, too.

3) Who or what are these women? Are they widows? Is that why they dress in black?

4) So Wynonna is pregnant. And she’s also in denial mode. I get it, I mean this was definitely not part of the plan. I mean, she really doesn’t have a plan per se, but you know what I mean. She’s refusing to deal with this right now, but who are we kidding? That’s not something that you can really postpone dealing with. You have to make a decision either way. Also, is Doc the father? I’m trying to remember if she slept with anyone else after that, but I think she didn’t? Or is this like a supernatural pregnancy? And what about the goo? Did the goo affect the baby? Is Wynonna going to have the baby? And if she does, will it be an actual baby or are they going to turn it into a Connor? So many questions! I am really interested in seeing where this show is headed with this storyline…

5) To distract herself, Wynonna goes begging Nicole for a case, but there seems to be no supernatural activity lately. Well, except for…

6)  So, there are rings and they’re talking about wives and husbands, so they must be widows, but whose widows are they? They’re looking for the location of a seal, and they mention Bobo and the Stone witch, none of whom are available. And when they mention Juan Carlos, they mention that they’re not strong enough to face him. Huh.

7) Hypnos? And the Creepster is asking for more time for the Widows (yes, they are widows, I got it right!) Does this mean this Hypnos guy will hypnotize everyone in Purgatory? Will he turn back time? Make time go slower? He’s doing something alright…

8)

DOLLS: We are free agents. Free to make our own rules and to pursue our own objectives. DOC: Welcome to the club. I've been here a while. I'll show you what areas are off limits. DOLLS: Well, that's my point. There are no areas that are off limits anymore. ME:

Seriously, though, last time we saw them they were getting along just fine, so what happened between then and now?

 9) So, this is what was happening…

DOLLS: Hey, Wynonna. You wanna grab coffee with me? There's something I wanna discuss with you that's personal. WYNNONA: Yeah, sure.

Does this mean that Dolls and Wynonna will be a thing? I truly can’t accept that Doc/Wynonna are over? How? They were even barely started! 

10) Okay, Waverly just suggested Doc is the baby’s father… This can’t be the end of Wynonna and Doc. I’ll Calcutta bitch!

Even though I agree with Wynonna in that it is her situation and it is up to her who to tell and when, Waverly does make a great point that it’s not fair to either Dolls or Doc not to let them know about her “situation.” I’m guessing Wynonna is going to handle it in true Wynonna fashion and it’s gonna be messy.

11) Oh, Nicole and Waverly are so beautiful and hot together?

And I’m super glad they addressed this because it was kind of tormenting me not knowing whether Waverly was really Waverly when they were together while they were possessed…

NICOLE: You taste like my Waverly again. WAVERLY: What's wrong? NICOLE: I was just thinking how much of the other times were you, you? You know, because you said things, and we did things, and I don't know what was real. WAVERLY: No. It was all real. Okay? It was all me. NICOLE: How can you be sure? WAVERLY: Because I don't remember much about when it was in control. But I remember every second I was with you. Each touch. Every kiss.

12) I guess Hypno dude just put them all to sleep?

And the timing couldn’t have been more perfect for Wynonna, she was really dreading the “personal” conversation with Dolls. But why? Is it because she doesn’t see him in that way? Or is it because she truly does and it scares the shit out of her? I’m guessing it’s the latter, but I don’t want it to be. I have nothing against Dolls, but I love Wynonna and Doc! 

13) I guess the Widows did get some time. A few months, actually…

Damn, this means the choice to be pregnant or stop the pregnancy was taken away from her.

How did people survive, though? I mean, Wynonna was covered in dust, and all the food is rotten, which means that time literally went by, it’s not that they just fastforwarded…

Also, damn, their breath must be AWFUL!

14) They need to take drugs to keep themselves awake, but Wynonna obviously can’t take any… and Dolls is making heart eyes at her, and I just realized he still hasn’t seen her baby bump…

15) “The whole town has been asleep for weeks.” Okay, exactly how many weeks? I need to know! So they kept up the whole town asleep this long by threatening with hurting Poppy, who is… Hypnos’ daughter? Lover? I have no idea. But now that Wynonna is awake he can’t make her and the gang fall back asleep… She’s too strong. Damn straight she is!

16) And if people stay asleep too long, they’ll never wake up. Cool. Cool cool cool. Waverly’d better fucking hurry up and wake up Doc yesterday!

17) What are these bitches doing to Wynonna? They’d better not hurt the baby!

18) And this is how Doc fell asleep…

19) Jeremy just woke up and went straight to business. The second seal is apparently in Shorty’s, so they’d been sitting on it this whole time. The problem is that the Widows stole all their plans and research and probably know this already. 

20) And Dolls just realized Wynonna is preggers…

I’m guessing now the million-dollar question will be asked – who’s the father? Wynonna insists that nothing has changed and that she can still kick some evil ass, but… that’s probably the last thing in Doll’s mind right now?

21)  And this is everything I didn’t know I needed in my life?

A pregnant lady kicking ass? HELL YES! 

22) Okay, Poppy is Hypno’s daughter, and the Creepster has obviously taken her to rape her, so Hypno agreed to help Wynonna if she makes sure his daughter is safe, which I think it’s something Wynonna could relate to.

23) The Widows just fucking froze Waverly and Doc? Are they going to eat them up?

24) Bless Nicole, she’s been tracking the Creepster’s phone because she knew he was gross and evil. Bless Wynonna for her reaction, too.

25) Well…

Then he says she’s amazing and tries to save face or a bit of his ego by saying she’s an amazing agent, yeah, right.

26) Please let Jeremy save the day. Pleasepleaseplease.

27) He so didn’t.

28) Oh my God, the fucking Creepster is asking Poppy to role-play as Waverly before he rapes her? PLEASE SOMEONE MURDER HIM! 

29) Ugh, Nicole, why would you shoot him in the shoulder and let him run away? Straight between the eyes! And what the fuck else did he do that will get him killed? Worse than what he’s already done?

30) The Widows managed to break the seal, but there’s a third one…

31) And this is how Wynonna told Doc about the baby…?

He’s all teary-eyed, omg, is he happy? Sad? I guess there will be one relationship in his life with strings after all, and I’m not talking about Wynonna. But damn, he didn’t handle the news well, he just walked away and didn’t say anything… 

32) So… no time has really passed except for the baby… How convenient for the plot...

33) Damn, Dolls just shot Hypno in cold-blood and forced Wynonna to off him. He’s truly butthurt about the baby, isn’t he?

34) Doc wrote a note for Wynonna. And Jeremy knew Wynonna was pregnant all along hahaha! 

35) Clootie?

 Oh. This is what he did. He killed Clootie.

36) Damn, this whole scene… 

WYNONNA: Am I a screw-up? Yeah. I've also been on two types of birth control since I was 13 years old. But the universe doesn't give a damn. It's never given me a choice, it's never… not whether I wanted to be the Heir or a m… a mother. WAVERLY: I know you're overwhelmed, okay? But not everything is because you're an Earp. WYNONNA: Yeah, it is. It always comes back to the curse, Wave, always. I really, I… I can't do this. WAVERLY: Hey. WYNONNA: No. WAVERLY: Hey. WYNONNA: This poor asshole! WAVERLY: Hey I'm not saying it's gonna be okay. But I'm just saying I'm here.

I’m just, wow. There are so many things that I love about this scene and this plot and what it means for Wynonna. First of all, I’m so glad it’s not a supernatural pregnancy and that it wasn’t the result of rape – magical or otherwise. It’s the result of consensual sex, which is sadly unprecedent in supernatural shows. Think about that for a minute.

There’s the question of choice, too. Wynonna didn’t choose to get pregnant nor did she choose to remain so. I doubt she would’ve ended the pregnancy, but the fact remains, she was deprived of that choice. It’s easier to understand her initial denial and reluctance to discuss the pregnancy in light of this final scene. It’s sad but I think it has to do with the fact she doesn’t think she’s fit to be a mother. Wynonna handles herself with a lot of bravado and self-confidence, but most of the time, it feels as though she’s trying the old “fake it till you make it” strategy. She’s deeply insecure and she thinks very low of herself. On top of that, she’ll be bringing a child into this supernatural mayhem that it’s her life. She’s fully aware she’ll be putting a burden on her child, In a way, she fears she’ll be doing to that child the same thing that has been done so many times to her – depriving them of choice.

I’m just very intrigued as to how they’re going to deal with this pregnancy, and I can’t help but wonder again – will there even be a baby or are we facing a Connor situation? There has already been one time-jump, so it’s possible there’s another one…

37) Aw, Doc, this is why I love you…

He’s all fucking in!

38) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[serenagaywaterford]

'#i am so upset at tht about this lol #(mostly cos yeah reality is that. but i'm watchign fiction dudes. gimme some character journeys. gimme development. gimme hope. #this flatline they have serena on just isn't good storytelling. straight up.)' -- i agree. & the idea i hate the most is that moss & the tht crew might have had a boner over whitford joining them & decided to give him what could have been serena's arc. the architect of the damn colonies can turn out decent but serena can't. GOT IT

“the architect of the damn colonies can turn out decent but serena can’t. GOT IT”

this is probably what drives me the most mad about the choices they made for characters in s3. lawrence literally–unequivocally and by his own admission as well as multiple other characters–created THE FUCKING COLONIES: prison labour camps where ONLY women go to suffer excruciating pain and rot from disease and DIE. he also, unarguably and explicitly, created THE ENTIRE ECONOMIC SYSTEM on which gilead relies on for its propagation and survival.

without HIM, gilead would NOT exist. and this isn’t a little thing. it’s like, it literally would have fallen apart without his massive contribution. (sure, maybe they would have found another genius economist with a penchant for brutal misogyny but as it stands, they didn’t have one. and HE STILL helps gilead survive.)

but uwu, he makes jokes and doesn’t do the ceremony and loves his wife so WHAT A GREAT GUY! LET’S GIVE HIM A RELUCTANT REDEMPTION ARC!!!!

i fucking loathe him. and he was shown multiple times even in s3 what he thinks of ALL women, and that isn’t fucking much. he’s gross. “i love my wife” YEAH sure buddy. fuck you. if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t have created an entire system where she gets fucked right over to the point she kills herself. cool beans, dude.

s3 was all about lawrence and june being reluctant allies and her working her dumbass moves on him, and that bullshit handholding at the funeral FOR THE WIFE THAT JUNE BASICALLY KILLED??? please just let me vomit in my mouth a bit.

he is not a good guy. he is not a nice guy. he does not like women. he does not care about them. he’s a pathetic little misogynist that she looks out for himself. but omg look how conflicted he is about the ceremony!!! UWU PRECIOUS BEAN, TOO PURE FOR THIS HORRIBLE WORLD!!

it’s like fandom/the showrunners are just salivating over male characters to woobiefy.

meanwhile MEANWHILE there’s a female character, the second most developed character on the entire show with the second most amount of screentime (prior to mid s3 anyway) and already a foil to june and “villain”esque character theoretically capable of change, but hey, no. let’s ignore the entire trajectory serena was on for the latter half of s2. let’s even ignore early s3 and all that set up. let’s just FUCKING FLATLINE her and make her 100% obsessed with a baby. it’s not like that storyline was already wrapped up in s2 and she’d moved on by early s3.

all so june could have some ~exciting plot of winning over lawrence and oooooh look it’s bradley whitford. what a great guy. he’s so funnieeeee and nice. 

it really does feel like they aborted serena’s arc for the sake of inserting whitford into what should have been serena’s journey of gradually coming to terms with her involvement in gilead, her own overwhelming guilt about her involvement (which i would like to point out is LESS than lawrence’s contributions. just so we’re all on the same page). and i know miller has said he “doesn’t believe in redemption arcs” (bullshit. that’s pure bullshit. they exist whether you believe in them or not, for one thing.) but lawrence’s character has been doing EXACTLY that. and all the fandom is frothing about how amazing he is blah blah blah. fucking miss me with that. i will NEVER root for a man who has done that to women and is a KEY player in gilead. he didn’t just help invent it, he CURRENTLY still sustains it. he seemed to have little concern for ANYBODY even at the beginning of s3. yet still he’s a hero. (at least the character is like “oooh i’m not a hero” which kinda sounded totally insincere to me. the same way people throw pity parties for themselves.)

but god forbid a problematic female character portrayed by a fantastic (but lesser known) actress gets the same generosity. and what’s even crazier is that the audience was generally in favor and excited about serena joining june in the resistance prior to s3, and even in the beginning episodes of s3. based on social media anyway.

but no……….

i just….

it infuriates me how they chose to give what could have been a decent character arc for serena to lawrence instead (and to take that from yvonne and hand it over to whitford cos he’s just so great. rolling my eyes so hard.). and everyone is just like “yasss king! we love you!! what great guy for saving those kids!!! yay redemption for lawrence! i love brad whitford so amazing give him an emmy!!!” 

i get they need to keep serena around and in some sort of conflict for june. 

actually no. i don’t get it. i don’t think it’s necessary at this point to have a female adversary of that degree for june. i think she could easily be a complicated/conflicted ally, or at least not a direct enemy of june’s. the SYSTEM is evil enough and produces enough conflict on its own. june no longer needs the personification of it and neither do we. just… ugh. stagnating the MOST complex character on the show (fight me. serena as a character was more complex and dynamic than june.) for the sake of throwing her in some stupid sideplot that had nothing to do with the protagonist, and made her entire story arc stall into a dead stop was a dumbass fucking move. the whole fred thing dragged her the fuck down cos there was zero acknowledgement or exploration of the actual dynamic of the domestic abuse cycle which was PLAINLY visible in early s3. instead it was just NICHOLEEEEEE!!!!! GIVE ME BABBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUST HAVE BABBY!!!!!!!!!! every single character motivation serena had in s3 was a fucking sexist trope about women and baby fever. (not that they wrote june much better but this rant is about the shit they pulled with serena.)

there is no depth to any conflict anymore. and what drives me even crazier is that the few scenes with june and serena are still 100 times more interesting because of the pre-existing chemistry and dynamic they still have. but instead we’ve just got the same fucking scene of june/lawrence over and over for 8 episodes. “ooh is he a friend or foe? oh i will manipulate him! he is an ally! oh maybe he’s a foe, or friend, or foe, or friend?! who cares!! look how he lubs childrens! uwu!!”

they seem absolutely intent on keeping serena a villain, to the point of total irrationality. and the only way to do that is strip her character of any nuance and give her a singular and stupid motivation and pair that with a really boring and flat subplot. cos, organically, the character WOULD develop and learn and change, but since they’re fucking obsessed with not giving her anything even resembling “redemption” for some bullshit reason, they’ve thrown her entire narrative arc under the bus and just left her there.

and people wonder why i have no interest in s4. it’s cos of this shit. why the fuck would i be interested in watching yet another season of serena doing fuck all? (ooh a trial? BORING and guaranteed to make no rational sense. back to gilead? what for?! they’re never going to let her change/grow anyway!)… and june being painted as some saint and saviour, despite being not that much better anymore. and Lawrence being lauded as a goddamn hero for doing the very fucking bare minimum for no real discernible reason we’ve seen other than june’s oh so amazing ~wiles. like please.

i can’t stand june anymore. i fucking loathe lawrence (to me, he’s just nick 2.0). i don’t care about fred. moira and emily who? and am butthurt about what they’ve done to serena’s character journey (and can’t see that changing if miller, moss, & co. are so itnent on keeping her “evil”). so s4 doesn’t seem that fun to me.

and the fact everyone seems to have a hard on for whitford, including cast and crew just makes me angry. sure, give this dude all the good shit. take it away from the amazing female actors and just give it to him. why not? THT is male-run anyway and IT SHOWS. he should have been a minor character, not the focus next to june. (don’t even get me started on how fiennes gets second billing in the credits before yvonne cos i am so livid every single time i see taht.)

whatever, THT. whatever. bye. ugh.

wow anyway that was a rant i didn’t expect to make. thanks anon for drawing that out. i think i’ve been sitting on it a while lol.

i have a lot of rage.

[chappell-roans]

Unpopular opinions about game of thrones?

it’s not that badly written of a show (the last 2 seasons were w e a k but not really as bad as everyone says)

i don’t think daenerys should’ve had purple eyes to match the books perfectly (it would’ve been kinda fantastical and it’s not necessary) but they should’ve kept using light brow gel to keep emilia clarke’s brows light and ashy instead of letting them go almost natural since like s3/s4

the opening theme only improved as time went on, musically and the graphics too

the fourth and seventh episodes of each season were usually the best or at least most interesting/groundbreaking

probably pretty popular but the high sparrow plot was just so annoying

jorah mormont wasn’t that bad of a guy and i actually loved that boring ass beautiful old man

jon snow was an amazing, all-time favorite level character in the first five seasons (and part of s6) but then he got really boring and old

same with a lot of the characters 

robb stark is super underappreciated and so is catelyn

it’s a mix of a really simple and really complex show. the world and all the plots and families and everything is so complex and intricate so then the characters end up having to forward the plot in every scene (which they have to, because each character gets 1-2 scenes per episode or maybe only a handful in a season--it’s not necessarily a fault, but it’s an observation)

yara greyjoy is not a good person and while theon was bad for a time, she was worse in certain ways and i preferred theon to her as time went on

tormund and brienne is a big no thanks from me

arya’s entire training in braavos pissed me off and made me anxious and i still wish we knew what happened (like it’s cool she’s a badass but also i hated everyone training her, so)

the stark montage at the end of the series finale was the best part of the series finale

the show isn’t about a huge, giant, overarching theme but there are many and people got too attached to book prophecies that were hinted at but didn’t turn out how they expected and people got butthurt about it

i dislike watching daenerys and drogo’s scenes, even once they are in a better place, it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth

speaking of daenerys, it was always hinted at (really obviously, too) that she could go one of two ways so it was painful but not the most shocking thing ever to happen on got

i wish sansa’s alayne stone phase lasted longer and was portrayed so she still looked like herself and less harsh

myranda was so annoying i can’t even deal--

shae and ros were the mvps

cersei is insufferable but iconic and makes some good points here and there (but her past doesn’t excuse her actions, same with anything else. no get out of jail free cards for her just because i’m obsessed with her hair.)

jon and daenerys got together way too fast and i didn’t really let myself enjoy it and idk if i will in a future rewatch

i’m shook olenna lived as long as she did but also i hate how she died

jorah > daario (daario’s not bad but not always my cup of tea)

the show got really predictable, especially in the final 2-3 seasons

there are no purely good/unproblematic ships to be found (closest would be sam and gilly, ned and cat, arya and gendry by s8, etc.)

daenerys shouldn’t have listened to tyrion.......................ever. why would anyone ever listen to tyrion?

he’s funny but he was made into a joke of a character and it wasn’t because we were laughing with him or at his jokes anymore (kinda sad)

aging the characters up from the books was a good thing for a multitude of reasons

there should not be a remake of the final season and people should just deal with the fact that the show is over.

[subbyfoxelf]

[movie review] injustice (2021)

i watched all the cutscenes from the video game in preparation for this, and my biggest problem with it was that even if lois died (and even if clark was responsible for it), i just can’t see him going off the deep end like this. but in the video game all of that happened in the past. the movie is all about him getting to that point, and that’s actually drastically worse because the whole time it’s happening i’m just not even slightly buying it.

you just can’t turn clark into a dictator without him being a completely different person. the things that make him him could only be changed by a drastically different nature or a drastically different nurture, and this movie doesn’t suggest either of these. it just completely uncritically buys in to joker’s “one bad day” theory from the killing joke, and there’s nothing else to it.

there are actually a few things i like about this. dick and damian’s relationship is great, and has a lot of carry over of what i liked about their relationship in some of the batman movies from the previous run. i especially loved dick calling damian “little brother.” i’m also honestly super impressed that that did strike a chord with me considering that nightwing’s ghost being called “deadwing” made me giggle inappropriately every time he appeared.

i also liked how everybody picking a side was handled in the movie quite a bit better than in the game. the people who fall in with superman are never wholly complicit with his bullshit, and the one who comes the closest to being is diana (and frankly she’s almost as out of character as clark at times), and even she is genuinely horrified when confronted with unmistakable evidence that he’s gone off the deep end. also catwoman doesn’t side with clark to keep an eye on him and try to protect bats or whatever the fuck was happening in the game to set up bats being all butthurt about it and refusing to forgive her. that was dumb.

speaking of selina, the bit where clark sent her to check on bruce after dick died was extremely good. and although i already talked about how much i appreciate this movie’s take on dick and damian’s relationship, i also really appreciate it making it obvious how fucking important dick is to bruce. seeing him literally crying over him was… a lot. and selina does such a good job of comforting him, telling him not to be batman, to just let himself be a mess just for one night. that was exceptionally good.

i was also impressed that the u.s. is portrayed fairly accurately in this, with them freaking out the second superman seems to be challenging their authority and saying the quiet part out loud when they say, “superman’s bringing down governments. fine when it’s in our interest, a mighty big problem when it’s not.” they also jump right to siccing the cops on superman’s father. so, yeah. some points there.

unfortunately there’s also some serious bullshit here given that the u.s. government isn’t literally the first one supes goes after when he decides to start unilaterally taking down governments. plus there’s some tone deaf “both sides”y shit about israel’s occupation of palestine, and a throwaway reference to north korea’s nuclear program being disarmed but no mention whatsoever of any other country’s nuclear program like, oh, i don’t know, just throwing one out at random, the fucking united states. i mean, it’s not like they’re the only country in the world that has engaged in acts of nuclear war and–wait, hold on, i’m getting new information… huh. well, hey, they probably don’t blatantly bully other countries using their nuclear arsenal as a cudgel to uh… what’s that? … all the time?

huh. well, that’s awkward.

and yeah, given that supes is obviously the bad guy here, none of that would be a huge issue except for the fact that the movie isn’t really shy about what it thinks is right and what it thinks is wrong, and it doesn’t seem to be terribly upset about either of these throwaway details? and for that matter, no one ever actually articulates a counterpoint to superman’s bullshit? no one ever says, hey clark, funny thing is, when you prevent people from using violence to resist, you allow the everyday violence that oppresses them to continue unabated just because it doesn’t bother you. no one says anything other than, basically “nuh-uh.”

okay, there is one pretty good scene where mister terrific kicks clark’s ass rhetorically while simultaneously kicking his ass at chess. but even that doesn’t actually articulate a positive ideology to contrast with supes’. it just boils down to a slippery slope argument.

but that still isn’t the biggest reason why i didn’t like this. it just circles back around to the fact that they never, at any point, sell me on superman doing any of this. i was just constantly mentally shaking my head and saying ��nope.” you didn’t make it believable, guys. a switch doesn’t just go off in your head and make you a totally different person because something really bad happens to you. and the whole story just falls apart if you don’t believe that. c-rank